3X SB Champ Willie McGinest, Dungeons And Dragons And We Kill Billy

Speaker 1 Hey, pardon my take, listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
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Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep coming.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Manascalco, it ain't right. Premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers.

Speaker 1 Terms apply.

Speaker 1 On today's part of my take, we have three-time Super Bowl champion, recurring guest, Willie McGuinness,

Speaker 1 talking about NFL coming back, Tom Brady with the Bucs, Cam Newton in New England. We also have Dungeons and Dragons.
We continue our quest, our adventure.

Speaker 1 No spoilers, but if you don't like Billy football, you will love this episode. Ultimate satisfaction.

Speaker 1 We have Hot C Cool Throne, a little bubble talk.

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Speaker 1 Okay, let's go.

Speaker 1 No place to hang out on washing.

Speaker 1 And then I can't pay all on the sun. Oh, no, we're gonna rock it down to Eli Trick Avenue.

Speaker 1 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're gonna rock it down to Elaine Trick Avenue.

Speaker 1 And then we

Speaker 1 take it higher.

Speaker 1 Welcome to part of my take presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now.
Use code Barcel. You get $10 for free, $10 to ASPCA.

Speaker 1 Today is Wednesday, July 15th.

Speaker 1 Fuck, man. It's July 15th.
Yeah. Oh, fuck.
It's tax day. Yeah, it is tax day.
Shit. Extension.
Put that shit in the mail. Verbally declare.
I declare an extension. That's all you have to do, right?

Speaker 1 I'm getting nervous that it's July 15th. Not gonna lie.
Why? I don't know. NFL should be here soon.
We should be right before training camp. I'm gonna be positive.
I'm gonna be positive.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to be more positive. But this, I feel like this next

Speaker 1 week and a half, two weeks is going to be make or break for the next six months to a year. We have baseball, hopefully, starting next Thursday.

Speaker 1 Basketball, bubbles going, scrimmages about to start, hockey, and then training camp. If these can go off without a hitch, I think we're back.
I think we get sports back.

Speaker 1 So at the very least, I think that the NFL is going to happen. I think that it is.
I think they're going to make out a way to find it. The only thing thing where I'm like...
Knock on with.

Speaker 1 I'm not coming with. I'm like, maybe not.
Knock on our wayfare cabinet with a child inside. Oh, no, no.
Disavow. Okay.
Let me out. Well, we disavow that, yes, of course.

Speaker 1 But there's so much cool stuff happening in the NFL where it seems like we're not going to have it. Like, we're being kind of like all this awesome storylines are being dangled in front of us.

Speaker 1 I feel like it's too good to happen. I hope that I'm wrong.
You know, Hank's been going through it with Tom Brady in Tampa Bay, Cam Newton in New England.

Speaker 1 The Redskins are changing their name, hopefully, to the Red Wolves. Dan Snyder, if you're listening, the Red Wolves is the way to go for this.
There's so much cool shit happening.

Speaker 1 Kishabisky's a 75 in the new Madden. Insane.
Just insane.

Speaker 1 It's not that bad. Uh-huh.
He was 79 last year. God damn.

Speaker 1 I just feel like we're being set up. I feel like this is about to be the biggest okey doke of all time.
We're good. We have the

Speaker 1 bubble is going. We have the snitch phone is working.
Shams and Shefty are now taking over all reports. The snitch phone is working.

Speaker 1 We had a Kings player break the line for seamless and then get busted,

Speaker 1 which I actually think it's worth it. Yeah, that's fine.
Depending on what you're ordering, no, anything. Right.
Like, if you order seamless and it doesn't come to you, you have to go meet them.

Speaker 1 There's no way you feel like you're leaving the guy out to dry if he's just standing there with your order. Right.
It'd be actually a response for you to not go meet him. So that's happening.

Speaker 1 Everything feels like, come on, let's go, guys.

Speaker 1 July 15th is, we are balls deep in summer. It doesn't feel like that.

Speaker 1 The snitching is actually getting pretty hilarious right now because there are players that are reporting on other players for breaking quarantine. And I can see their point.

Speaker 1 If you're going to be playing a team of the playoffs and you see, hypothetically, James Harden walking his way across campus to get a lap dance on the east side when you know that he should be in his hotel room getting a lap dance in his room, I would immediately pick up that phone.

Speaker 1 I would deputize myself on the spot as a Karen. Yeah, just knock out some of your competition.
Russell Westbrook has.

Speaker 1 I have O'Reilly for that. Okay, go.
Russell Westbrook has coronavirus.

Speaker 1 Good thing he can't pass to his teammates. Oh, that is good.
Good thing he. Yeah, that's good.
I don't know. Good thing he

Speaker 1 doesn't pass

Speaker 1 to his teammates. Good thing he's alienated all of his teammates so there's no one to pass to.
Right. And then some nerd's going to be like, dude, he actually has like 10 assists a game.

Speaker 1 That's a fucking fraud triple double average. James Harden.

Speaker 1 James Harden was late getting to the bubble. That's weird because he likes to travel so much.
Ah, that's good. It's not travel, dude.
It's fucking true. It's a crab dribble.
It's a gather step.

Speaker 1 I had an idea, though, about how the NBA could kind of police this because you run into a weird area when you're asking players to nar on their opponents, their potential opponents, people that could knock their teams out of the playoffs.

Speaker 1 They should just round up an all-star team of Karen's. Just like BBQ Becky.

Speaker 1 What's the difference between a Becky and a Karen? I feel like a Becky fucks. A Karen fucked 20 years ago.
A Karen is like an older Becky. Yes.
But you get all the Karens together.

Speaker 1 They wear a uniform of like a Bebe shirt. They've got their super tan husbands behind them kind of having their back, but not really.

Speaker 1 Like just dispatch all the big Karens that you've seen online for the last two months. Put them all down in Orlando monitoring the situation.
Have them just narc on everyone? Yeah.

Speaker 1 So like have a team actually hire that. Like the Lakers should hire their own.
It's almost like a SWAT team they bring in. They just watch watch everyone else.
I like that.

Speaker 1 So instead of, so the league could hire a SWAT team to bring in

Speaker 1 specifically. They get their own security.
Right. Yes, I like that a lot.

Speaker 1 I bet you Daryl Morey's already figured this out, like the advanced analytics of knocking off one of your opponents every two weeks for coronavirus allegations.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay, so you're not talking about policing your own team. You're saying like private and getting everyone else out.
Yes, yeah, like, oh, we got a big series coming up against the Bucs.

Speaker 1 We got to stick a Karen on Giannis' ass to make sure that he doesn't do anything improper.

Speaker 1 What happened to all the golf fans out there that are no longer allowed to call in rules violations at the U.S. Open? They're just sitting around with a thumbs up their asses.

Speaker 1 They're looking for jobs. Speaking of golf, our guy Brooks going up against Tiger and Rory is their threesome on the sixth major.
What's it called? The sixth major? What is it called, Jake? Travelers?

Speaker 1 It's Memorial.

Speaker 1 I think, not to put pressure on Brooks, but I expect a very good,

Speaker 1 very good Thursday and Friday from him. He rises.
He's up against those guys, come on. Absolutely.
And it's going to be on the featured group. So even if it's not on TV, I'm sure we'll be able to find

Speaker 1 some sort of stream that we can watch it on. That'll be nice.
It won't be on TV. In baseball news, a lot of Major League Baseball teams are selling cutouts to their fans.

Speaker 1 So if you want to put a cutout of yourself in the stands, I know the Mets are doing this. The Mariners are doing this.
Probably a couple other teams are doing it.

Speaker 1 So you can actually have a picture of yourself as a cardboard cutout sitting in the stands at home games this year if you pay like 500 bucks. I like it.

Speaker 1 I think that we should put together some money and maybe get some cutouts.

Speaker 1 Well, I was gonna say cutouts of us or maybe just what if we had cutouts of just Tim Tebow at Mets games or Marlinsman. Yeah, Marlin's Man behind.
Just put a million Marlins Marlins Man.

Speaker 1 If Marlinsman is who I think Marlin's Man is, he would be buying all the cutouts. He's probably already done.
Yeah, he's I'm just saying some people lost their fastball. He's purchased and

Speaker 1 what we should do is we should get pictures of Wood. You remember Wood, the guy from the memes, the coronavirus memes? Oh, god damn it.
That was like 10 years ago.

Speaker 1 We should buy a shitload of wood cutouts and put them in the stands at like Mariner's games. God.
That really does feel like amazing.

Speaker 1 Put them in the stands at Mets games and then have Tebow's cutout sit next to him with Wood's foreskins. Wood's foreskin in his hand.
Oh, man. That's...
That's a blessing. We got to do what...

Speaker 1 Once it all ends, once sports do come back in two weeks, we should do our Mount Rushmore of... Holy shit, that happened?

Speaker 1 And we'll just go through all of it. Tiger King.
Whoa. And the NHL has done a great job of not letting anything.
We don't know if the NHL is doing good or not.

Speaker 1 I heard that Austin Matthews has coronavirus, which sucks. But besides that, I haven't really heard shit from them.
The NHL is doing what they do with their injury report. They're doing it.

Speaker 1 Lower body, upper body. They're just the whole.

Speaker 1 We have a league. Yes.
The NHL is handling this the way that the NHL handles their season normally. Yes.
Which is we're going to not publicize anything.

Speaker 1 Don't tell anyone when any of this is happening. We'll just surprise them with

Speaker 1 the Penguins versus the Blackhawks on NBC.

Speaker 1 That's all they're going to do.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's get to our

Speaker 1 Hot Seat Cool Throne. And then we have Willie McGinnis coming up, and then Dungeons and Dragons.
Awesome episode with Tim Woods, who has become like an all-star in the PMT world. We love him.

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Hank, hot seat cool throughout.

Speaker 1 My hot seat is Michael Beasley, Be Easley, Be Easy, my boy boy. Super cool Bees.
Super cool Bees. Got signed to the Nets.
I was hyped. Hyped to see him show out in the bubble.

Speaker 1 And then today, it didn't say reported positive for coronavirus. It just said Michael Beasley has left the bubble.
No, I don't know.

Speaker 1 It wasn't like a team transaction.

Speaker 1 It was a weird thing. Literally left his bong in his car.
Yeah, like Michael Beasley just bounced. Like, he showed up, was like, eh.
Nah. And then left.
I got too much money.

Speaker 1 I did read that he did have coronavirus, and he was sent home. Oh.
Who said that, though? I saw people speculating. I didn't see any Big J reporters reporting that.
Sham said he said Michael.

Speaker 1 I saw him say

Speaker 1 Sean said he had coronavirus. Reports Michael Beasley's positive test creates uncertain roster status with that.
That's from NBA.com. I like the bong thing more.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 he left his bubbler is what we're going with. He did not leave the bubble.
Michael Beasley's made $33 million.

Speaker 1 I would also say that if you test positive for coronavirus, probably the first thing that you should not do is get on a plane and fly back home. Also true.

Speaker 1 Although, with $33 million, maybe he's flying private. That's also a good point.
Yes. Can you name all the teams that Michael Beasley's played for?

Speaker 1 The Lakers,

Speaker 1 the Kansas State Wildcats,

Speaker 1 the Timberwolves. Did he play on Memphis? Nope.

Speaker 1 He's played on the Heat, the Timberwolves, the Suns, Back to the Heat, the Rockets, the Bucs, the Knicks, the Clippers, the Lakers, the Nets. Is he a super spreader? I think so.
That's a hell of a...

Speaker 1 He had...

Speaker 1 starting in 2014, he played on a different team one, two, three, four, five, six, seven years in a row. Counting the nets.
Super cool measly because he spreads viruses.

Speaker 1 Okay, who's your cool throne? My cool throne is SpongeBob. Today's birthday.
Oh, shout out to our darling Jake. And Scott Van Pelt.
Yes. Wow.
Shares a birthday. That's beautiful.

Speaker 1 Everyone wish Scott Van Pelt a birthday. It's actually tomorrow.
It's today. It's today.
It's Wednesday. It's Wednesday.
It's July 15th. So everyone wish him a happy birthday, please.

Speaker 1 That's the first thing you can do when you wake up.

Speaker 1 Does it say 1986 or 1936? Wait, when was SpongeBob? 1936. 86, 86.
Okay. So he's 34.
Five. 34.
34. Can't do math.
He's one year younger than us. Wow.
That's SpongeBob. Fun fact.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I feel like SpongeBob memes have been dying out recently.

Speaker 1 I'm selling SpongeBob memes if they're a stock. And by the way, I am considering making

Speaker 1 those have also. Yeah, I'm considering making an algorithm to tell me when to buy which stocks just based on what memes are

Speaker 1 going really. Yeah, Will Smith Entanglement.
Will Smith

Speaker 1 selling that. Bye, bye, bye.
What is an entanglement? 50 Cent. Oh, we actually never talked about that.
Entanglement is just having sex.

Speaker 1 That's like the way that you would explain an affair to your lawyer. Yes.
Okay, got it. He got entangled.
Did you guys see the text exchange or the DM exchange between 50 Cent and

Speaker 1 Will Smith? Yes, it was. 100% not real.
100% real. How? 100% real because it's 50 Cent.
There's no way that was real. I would bet money that it was real.
Why?

Speaker 1 Because it's 50 Cent, and he's absolutely reckless. He's reckless.
But he also makes stuff up.

Speaker 1 No, I bet you it was real.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 There was a couple. There was another comedian, too, that also DM'd him.
It was someone that Will Smith followed, and he DM'd him and was kind of like shitting on him.

Speaker 1 And then Will Smith is like, all right, I'm blocking you now.

Speaker 1 Okay, but to reset here, 50 Cent reached out to Will Smith after he did that entanglement thing and was like, hey, is entanglement just mean she got her back blown out? Yes. No way is that real.

Speaker 1 That doesn't sound much like an entanglement. If it's an entanglement, that's more like a weird comma sutra position, not just like pounding a doggy style.
You know, that's pretty straightforward.

Speaker 1 You never get entangled if you're just hitting from the back. Hank, I don't think so.

Speaker 1 He said, then she said only she can get permission for somebody to blow her back out. And he said, fuck you, 50 and 50 cents and wait,

Speaker 1 what I do. Okay, so it's not Will Smith because Will Smith doesn't cuss.
Yep. Yes, he doesn't.
What are you talking about? No, he doesn't. No, he doesn't.
Will Smith doesn't have to apologize.

Speaker 1 Will Smith doesn't have to cuss to sell records, but I do, so fuck him and fuck you too. After 50 Cent caught wind,

Speaker 1 what Jada said during her red table talk, he shared a screenshot of a fake DM message he received from Will Smith. That's almost worse, actually.
Who said that? I'm reading a website, Capital Extra.

Speaker 1 Got it. What?

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm reading a website. What? 50 Cent Instagram page.
Which, no, but are you... But he made that up is what we're saying.
This is 50 Center comedian. Allegedly.
No, that's fucked.

Speaker 1 It's more fucked up that 50 did that than than it was if that was real.

Speaker 1 Like for him to make that joke behind Will Smith's back and then put it out, that's worse. I understand why 50's got targets on his back.
I don't think that was real. I don't think it was real.

Speaker 1 While we think that's a Photoshop, that's hip hoplately.com. You never know these days.
You don't. I'm just waiting for Takashi69 to weigh on on this.
You said 100% real.

Speaker 1 Michael Beasley didn't have Corona. 50 Cent sent that DM.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Rose's first name is thug

Speaker 1 yes got it okay you also you realize that the other person who thought it was 100 real is steven chee so that's not good company when it comes to gullible things online yeah good point that's tough yes but i'm sticking with it okay uh pft was your hot seat cool throng my hot seat is trey wingo and nick merx both recurring guests of the show within the last i think month or so uh because a video came out online yesterday of a bear using nunchucks i saw that so it turns out that bears actually can use weapons nick you laughed at at us.

Speaker 1 You made us sound like we were idiots to think that a bear or a gorilla would be able to pick up a nunchuck. If a bear can pick up a nunchuck, a gorilla can pick up a fucking rocket launcher.

Speaker 1 A gorilla would be able to fly like a Blackhawk helicopter if a bear is able to use these martial art weapons. That was the first thing I thought of as well.

Speaker 1 I was like, Jesus Christ, this guy, this bear's got it all.

Speaker 1 Bears do look hilarious.

Speaker 1 For some reason, even though he was... A bear who's deadly using nunchucks, which are also deadly, it made the bear look cuter and made me want to go up and just boop it.

Speaker 1 Well, it looked like he was like scratching his back.

Speaker 1 There's been a hidden itch somewhere that he was trying to get to. That's like they scratch their backs on trees and stuff.
Yeah, when a bear sees a nunchuck, they just think back scratches them.

Speaker 1 Exactly. What's what percentage of like you think that was real?

Speaker 1 Yes. Yeah.
Yeah, the bear was real. What? No, that was a video.
How is that fake? Could have been like, what do you mean? What do you mean? It could have been someone else.

Speaker 1 What's going on with you today?

Speaker 1 Who could it be? Are we living in the upside-down world? There was a bit.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 this bit.

Speaker 1 Hank, it's a real bear. Hank, you're not believing your eyes, but then you believe 50 Cent is posting a screenshot? Bears can catch fish with their bare hands.
I'm pretty sure they can use nunchucks.

Speaker 1 The 50 Cent thing looks fake because... Alright, whatever.

Speaker 1 What app is that? It was Instagram DMs. But Instagram DMs don't look like that.

Speaker 1 Chris Broussard would beg to differ. Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 It's all one system.

Speaker 1 Okay, what's

Speaker 1 my cool throne is OJ.

Speaker 1 OJ's on the cool throne back in the news big time.

Speaker 1 OJ did not wear a mask at his big birthday extravaganza in Las Vegas, and so that led to a lot of people making jokes about how OJ's on the loose trying to kill again.

Speaker 1 And in the same couple days, same 24 hours actually, the Ford Bronco is coming back.

Speaker 1 So big come up. It's 1995 again.
Bill Clinton's dick's getting him in trouble.

Speaker 1 I want a Ford.

Speaker 1 Baseball has a labor disagreement. I want these.
I want the old ones. I want an old Bronco.
I like the new ones. No, I don't like the new ones.
Also, you gotta, I feel like

Speaker 1 you have to let a couple models go before you hop in. Like, if you just buy the first Bronco, there's definitely going to be a shit.

Speaker 1 There's probably going to be shit blowing up and weird stuff happening. That's kind of what is attractive about the Ford Bronco, though.

Speaker 1 It's definitely a car that you would get into expecting to die. No, yeah, there's definitely, yeah.
But I would rather die looking stylish in an old one than a new one.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if it was an old one that was like, you know, a retro, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, retro fitted that that could be kind of cool but i think the new ones look awesome um just a good rule of thumb in general if oj is doing anything just do the exact opposite of what oj's doing so wait you all should have to wear a mask uh no i'm not saying that no do it say it uh change a life according to according to numerous blue check marks that i've seen on twitter you should be wearing a mask wear a mask yeah wear a mask people unfortunately after that rant thought i was specifically talking about john rostine i am not john rostine is a saint he's doing everything genuinely I'm talking about the people who are just looking for clout.

Speaker 1 I am wearing a mask, but I also feel like... Yes, we're pro-Max.
I'm also an idiot, so you probably shouldn't.

Speaker 1 Like, if I am feeling the need to speak very publicly on something, chances are I'm not that informed about it. Correct.
So I'm quietly wearing a mask because people smarter than me have told me that.

Speaker 1 Correct.

Speaker 1 And then I was going to have on my other cool throne entanglement, but we already got to that. All right.
My hot seats is my emotional well-being because I'm having a little bit of a earmuffs, Hank.

Speaker 1 Tony Soprano, remember when he he was watching the commercials and he started crying?

Speaker 1 I have watched two sports highlights in the last week that have made me teary-eyed. Okay.
I watched one makes sense.

Speaker 1 I watched the Wilson Contreras, or sorry, not Wilson Contreras, the Miguel Montero Grand Slam NLCS game one. We were in the bleachers for that.
Loudest I've ever heard a stadium against the Dodgers.

Speaker 1 Watched it, got teary-eyed. The second one,

Speaker 1 for some reason,

Speaker 1 it was on Twitter. The World Cup Women's Final 99, Brandi Chastain.
No, that's not her name. Yep.
That is her name. Yep.
Brandi Chastain, hitting the winning PK, started to tear up. That is bad.

Speaker 1 It makes sense. I miss sports so much.
I miss the moment that I get chills, and I'm starting to well up on highlights that, like, why?

Speaker 1 Because we as a nation need something like that right now that reminds us that the U.S. can be better than everybody else in the world at stuff.

Speaker 1 There's been a severe lack of that in the news recently. So going back in time to 1999 and seeing that, seeing that utter domination, and then she took it.

Speaker 1 Dude, it's bad to fucking, though. I was just sitting there like laying in bed, kind of welling up and like, man, I really miss this.

Speaker 1 I actually cried at Warren Sharp's thread the other day that he put online, which was just NFL coaches realizing how to hack the rule book to their advantage and remembering those cool plays, like the play where Jim Harbaugh or John Harbaugh cried and complained to the officials for like a week after when they lined up a tackle that was eligible without having to report as eligible because there was a guy on the line of scrimmage.

Speaker 1 Then there was Bill Belichick taking a safety

Speaker 1 and Al Michaels getting like super excited about watching that for the first time.

Speaker 1 That made me tear up a little bit. And Mike Vrabel staring down Belichick as he wasted like 60 seconds worth of clock time in the playoffs.

Speaker 1 Seeing the sports moments gets you a little chills, it gets you a little goosebumps. I thought you were going to say that you cried when you saw the Boise State highlight against Oklahoma.

Speaker 1 No, because you had Oklahoma.

Speaker 1 Mortal Lock. And that was life.
And the end of that game was probably the best end of any college football game I've seen. And that one lasts like 15 years.
I was so convinced.

Speaker 1 I was like, dude, how could Boise State beat Oklahoma? It's bigger than that. Laterals, baby.

Speaker 1 Adrian Peterson's a beast. We need laterals.

Speaker 1 All right, my cool throne. Positive news.
The first vaccine for coronavirus

Speaker 1 looks like it is like a month away from being able to start being mass-reduced. A month away from final studies.
A month away from final studies. Yes.
So what's that? A month away from progress.

Speaker 1 It better start taking its Adderall right now, is what you're saying. Shit.
We need it now. Yeah.
So if it's a month away from final studies, then it has to get certified afterwards.

Speaker 1 And then we're fine. It's like they're injecting people and like people are getting it.
And they're cool about it.

Speaker 1 It's actually boosting their immune system.

Speaker 1 I don't want to tell the people who are the guinea pigs right now, but like if you feel like you have a side effect, just be cool about it and don't make a big deal. Like diarrhea, not a big deal.

Speaker 1 You know, a little sleeplessness, not a big deal. Yep.
Don't hold this up. Dark thoughts, not a big deal.
Just let us get there.

Speaker 1 Do you remember, you guys might not remember this because there's a massive, massive story in Washington, D.C. back in like 2001, 2002, I think.

Speaker 1 There was a Redskins cheerleader, or excuse me, a TBD Washington football name cheerleader that was in the news because she got a flu shot. And after her flu shot, she couldn't talk anymore.

Speaker 1 She couldn't walk anymore. She was like trying to walk down this path and being interviewed by the news channel.

Speaker 1 And she was just like physically falling over and talking in this weird, weird voice and everybody was like oh my god the flu shot's bad this year and then it turned out like a week later she was faking the entire thing and she was saying

Speaker 1 she was saying that when she was able to uh run backwards she could speak normally and talk normally yeah but for whatever reason when she was walking forward her name was desiree something go look it up online it's an all-time hilarious youtube clip it was later than that it wasn't 2004 i think it was like 2001

Speaker 1 Sometime around then. And it's so fucking funny to watch.

Speaker 1 I don't know what her endgame was in this situation, but for some reason she thought to herself, you know, it would be awesome is if I got in the news faking that. No,

Speaker 1 it was 2010. Yeah, 2010.
Was it really? I remember. It was very much on the internet.
Yes. Yes.
She, yeah.

Speaker 1 She was an inside edition.

Speaker 1 It was 2010. Okay.
It was 2010. But it's a very funny YouTube clip, regardless, and you should watch it.
It is a very funny YouTube clip. All right.
Billy.

Speaker 1 Well, thankfully, you guys only took one of my selections. I made a whole list because when you go to Alaska, I make a whole list.
Hot seat 49ers. Ooh.

Speaker 1 George Kittle has said he will go to training camp no matter what, if they get his contract signed or not. I'm on Team Pay George Kittle.
It's trending. Yeah.
So hot seat 49ers.

Speaker 1 You know what he should do? He should just change his position in his Twitter profile.

Speaker 1 Like Jimmy Graham tried to do after the fact. He should just call himself a quarterback, try to cash in on this Patrick Mahomes money.

Speaker 1 I got a couple more hot seats, but. Oh, go ahead.
Okay. Hot seats.
This is the last you're going to talk. Perfect.

Speaker 1 Well, squirrels have the plague, so they're on the hot seat.

Speaker 1 Why are we testing squirrels? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, how did they get the bat billion?

Speaker 1 Oh, no. So I decided that if the bats are living in my ceiling, most people run into bats because they have rabies.

Speaker 1 But if the bats are like living in my roof, I'm running into them at a higher rate than other people. So they probably don't have rabies.
Why are we testing squirrels for a black plate?

Speaker 1 They They have the bubonic plague, yeah. Why, though? How do you how do you determine if a squirrel is feeling sick or not just by looking by observing a squirrel?

Speaker 1 I'm not trying to be woke, but I'm just asking questions.

Speaker 1 Are they testing every squirrel or are they testing dead squirrels for all types of diseases? It seems a little convenient to me.

Speaker 1 If a squirrel dies and just happens to have the bubonic plague, are we counting that towards bubonic plague statistics? Did someone walk by and was like, ooh, look at this squirrel.

Speaker 1 Looks like he died from the plague. Let's test it.

Speaker 1 No way.

Speaker 1 Fair questions, right?

Speaker 1 Maybe they have testing centers for squirrels. Why? I would be okay with thinning out the squirrel population a little bit.
There are too many squirrels. I agree with that.

Speaker 1 Britney Spears' dad is on the hot seat because everyone thinks he's Free Britney is trending on Instagram because they think Britney's being held against her will by her dad or something.

Speaker 1 No, Tom Cruise has her. Or Tom Hanks, excuse me.
Last hot seat is Jelaine Maxwell. She's being sent to prison for one year.
She's not going to be safe there. Wait, what? Cool Throne.

Speaker 1 You skipped over the pedal trial is not up for a year. Yeah, so she's got a lot of prison time.
So fuck. Anyway,

Speaker 1 what if Jelaine Maxwell gets fucking jacked in the next year? She just does nothing but prison yard workouts. Prisoners.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she shows up to court and she's wearing like sleeveless shirts. How do you pronounce her name? We've said it a billion different ways.
Gillian. Gillane.
Gilly. Glizzy.
Gilly the kid. Dead.

Speaker 1 Gizzy Maxwell.

Speaker 1 Ghislaine.

Speaker 1 She's going to turn into Super Max. Maxwell Prison Ghelane.
Okay.

Speaker 5 All right.

Speaker 1 Anyway, Cool Throne Beef, Burger Kings figure out how to reduce environmental impacts of cow farts by feeding them different diet. Mason Ramsey.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Was the spokesperson for it. Sweet.
Yeah. Friend of the programmer.

Speaker 1 How are they eliminating cow farts?

Speaker 1 They're feeding them different types of grass. I'm pretty sure it was like wheat grass or something.

Speaker 1 They should just make the cows go on dates, and then they'll try real hard not to fart in front of the other cow. Good point.

Speaker 1 Anyway, last school throne that I had down, I thought you guys were going to easily take. Has there ever been a better fart than like the second you get out of a date? No.

Speaker 1 And you get to your house, you get dropped off, maybe, or you drop the girl off, and then immediately just let it rip. A long car ride is up there, but yes, Joel McHale.
That scene in Ted. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He goes on a date with Milakunis and she walks away and he's just like finally farts. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 We're now writing the plot to Ted.

Speaker 1 This is cool. We're closer to boner dogs.
Yeah. We just got to like let Ted happen in our brain naturally.
And then we're like, okay, now we are dumb enough to finish boner dogs.

Speaker 1 They're feeding them lemongrass, by the way, so hopefully it doesn't get too tangy. Last one is billionaires are on the cool thrones.
They made a bunch of money during COVID. Anyway, that's all.

Speaker 1 Bill seemed bad. People of wealth.
That seemed like that didn't really make sense.

Speaker 1 Just everyone got richer.

Speaker 1 It's a lot of rice. I just was thinking about the rice.
Dude, the rice. Like a lot of rice.
A lot of rice. Yeah.
Someone's going to have, I got to know how they're going to do it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What do you mean?

Speaker 1 The old, like,

Speaker 1 they showed it the difference between a million and a billion

Speaker 1 with rice, and it was insane. It's like every dollar, what was it? A hundred million and a billion, or what was it? I can't remember how they did it.
There's 999,

Speaker 1 whatever, 9,900 million and a billion. But it was like, they showed it in rice.
So it was like, this is, you know, one rice is one dollar. Rice, billion versus million.

Speaker 1 And they showed how big, like, you know, it was a pile of rice, it was a million. Yeah.
And then the pile for a billion was massive. They were showing Jeff Bezos' worth.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So here's another cool throne. There's a lot of speculation.
Maybe by the time this podcast comes out, something else will happen in the news. But there's a lot of speculation in D.C.

Speaker 1 that the Redskins are the focus of a big investigation. I don't know what's going to happen with it, but there's some issues in the front office, apparently, allegedly.

Speaker 1 Let me put it that way. And I'm told Jeans Fridays?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a lot like the Jeans Friday thing. I'm told that the Washington Post is the ones that are investigating it.
I'm putting on my tinfoil hat.

Speaker 1 Jeff Bezos has wanted to buy the Redskins for the last three years. Is this like a billion-style coup? Ooh.
That's actually smart.

Speaker 1 So it's not billionaires versus billionaires. It's like, this is like mega-billionaires.
Mega Millionaires. Right, right.
MBs versus billionaires.

Speaker 1 Which is fucking crazy. Dude, just give us a billion, Jeff.
We'll be nice to you. We can be bought.
What do you got, Billy?

Speaker 1 Well, the Washington Post was throwing shade at the Redskins for how racist their name is, but they're named after a slave owner, so.

Speaker 1 That's true, Billy. The Washington Post? Also, a lot of the reporting has...
Oh, you got him. The reporting has led to how you feel about President Xi from China.
You got him.

Speaker 1 So they also expose him, so it's impossible to say if they're good or not.

Speaker 1 Who knows?

Speaker 1 All right, let's get to our interviews. We got Willie McGinnis, then we got Dungeons and Dragons.
Before we get to Willie McGinnis, man, I'll tell you what.

Speaker 6 When you're hungry out there, you start acting like a rookie quarterback in his first game, making bad decisions, messing up the basics, being all out of sorts. That's where Snickers comes in, man.

Speaker 6 That thing is packed. Roasted peanuts, nugget, caramel, milk, chocolate.
It's like the MVP of candy bars.

Speaker 6 And when you bite into it, boom, it sorts you out, gets your head back in the game of life, satisfying your hunger. Remember this: Snickers handles your hunger so you can handle everything else.

Speaker 6 Snickers satisfies, man. That's a winning play.

Speaker 1 Okay, here he is, Willie McGinnis.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on NFL network analyst, three-time Super Bowl champion, and also recurring guest. So welcome back.
It is Willie McGinnis. We appreciate you joining us, Willie.

Speaker 1 We're going to get to a bunch of stuff. First, I want to talk to you about Be the Change, which you're working actually with our good friend Julian Edelman,

Speaker 7 which is to help red get people to register to vote before the election in november and you have two events coming up right two events coming up in the next couple weeks out in california is that right we have a bunch of events uh coming up and one unfortunately had to be pushed back the one that was at the farm inglewood area uh because of covet and you know we had to make sure that we were you know we were doing things right uh we just shut down again out here in California.

Speaker 7 So we're going to do some stuff digitally and online online until we are able to come together to have the big event. And

Speaker 7 be the change is just something that myself and Legends, Brian, Affiliation Aware came up with.

Speaker 7 There's a lot of guys, you know, going out using their platforms, whether they were out there marching, protesting, using their Instagrams, their Facebook or whatever.

Speaker 7 And we're talking and we want change. But being the change is actually going out there and voting and making that change in your local governments or whatever.

Speaker 7 And it's tough to get younger people, especially in the inner city, out of the house to go down and register to vote. So we came up with something cool.
We're going to make these cool hoodies.

Speaker 7 Julian is helping us out, man. He's spreading the word.
And I appreciate him and love him for that. There are a lot of different sports stars, entertainers.
Snoop's a big part of this.

Speaker 7 The Black Music Coalition, there are a lot of sports organizations in the NFL, NHL, MLS, NBA, everybody's coming aboard at agencies to purchase these hoodies.

Speaker 7 And what we're going to do, when people actually come out and register, we're going to give them a hoodie, be the change hoodie. We're going to make them really nice and fashionable.
And

Speaker 7 that's my part, man, of teaming up with people and just actually trying to do something to be the change.

Speaker 1 I like it.

Speaker 1 My only problem with that is when it comes to Julian Edelman, he's going to want a sweatshirt that just barely covers up like his nipples and just like shows off the delts and the traps a little bit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's going to want to show off his body a little bit. So you should probably make like an Ezekiel Elliott size hoodie just for him to wear if you really want him on board with this.

Speaker 7 You know, you know him well, man. We customized a lot of, a lot of, we gave him a lot of gear, a nice goodie bag.
So he's already posted on his story.

Speaker 7 We probably will throw it back up so people can see it again. But that's my brother, man.
I got a lot of love for him and I respect for him. And he gets it, man.

Speaker 7 If you want change, you got to be the change. You got to go out and do something.

Speaker 1 Okay, so obviously things have been weird because the coronavirus and everything that's going on.

Speaker 1 Are you 100% confident sitting here right now that we're going to play NFL?

Speaker 7 I want to say I am. I mean, I'm not on the board.
My pay grade is not that high that I can tell you, hey, the season is definitely going to happen.

Speaker 7 all indications point that there is definitely going to be an NFL season and we are preparing for that as the NFL, as the network that I work for, the lead under the NFL umbrella that I work for.

Speaker 7 They're putting all the different protocols in place. And everything that I'm told is that we are definitely having an NFL season.

Speaker 1 So you, so just a little tip here, don't say the first part that you're not on the pay grade for it.

Speaker 1 You need to speak confidently about it because what's happening right now in society is a big game of telephone where you tell me that we're having NFL season, then random people ask me because I'm an expert in their eyes, which I'm not.

Speaker 1 And I can confidently say, yeah, I was talking to Willie McGinnis. We're having NFL.

Speaker 1 So then eventually all of society is confident and then we don't even know who told us we're having it, but we're all having it together.

Speaker 7 I got you, man.

Speaker 1 Hey, like I said,

Speaker 7 those main decisions are going to come from the NFL office.

Speaker 7 What we're preparing for and what we're telling everybody, that we are having a season. And that's what's happening.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 7 I'm the messenger.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Have you seen those helmets that they're putting out that have the integrated masks in them that's supposed to, I guess, deflect a lot of the spittle and like, you know, moisture that comes out of your mouth during a game?

Speaker 1 Like, can you imagine a player actually wearing those? It feels like it would be insanely hard to catch your breath in those things.

Speaker 7 Well, I mean, if you think about the shield that players wear, it covers the nose and the eyes and part of that too.

Speaker 7 But if there's a shield, it's not like it's wrapped around your face and there's no air or circulation. So I have not seen it, heard about it.

Speaker 7 But, you know, like I said, they're taking all the precautions that, you know, that are possible.

Speaker 7 So if that's what it has to be, man, to make this season go and protect all the players and protect their families, then that's that's what we got to do. I'm on board with that.

Speaker 1 How do you think Cam Newton's going to fit into the Patriot way?

Speaker 7 The Patriot way. See how you put that? It's not as a player, it's the Patriot way.

Speaker 7 And that was one of the things that that I wondered about. Cam is very smart.

Speaker 7 Cam now has a huge chip on his shoulder, and he's in a position to go to a great organization and prove that he still can be Cam Newton, the MVP that we saw a couple of years ago.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 7 I think like any other player, whether it's Corey Dillon, Randy Moss, any other player, high-profile player with a big ego and personality that's come into our organization, they quickly find out it's about team.

Speaker 7 Team reigns over individualism. No matter who you are, how big your personality is, how good you are, what draft pick, none of that matters.
And players respect that.

Speaker 7 They respect the fact that all the players in that locker room get treated the same, have the same treatment. Everybody's getting held accountable.
Everybody prepares the same.

Speaker 7 And the rules are in place for everybody. There's no exemption.
So I think he will respect that. And I think he also respect that he's going to an organization that's had a lot of success without him.

Speaker 7 And he can be a part of something really good if he buys into it.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 who would you think is going to go further in the playoffs this year if you had to put money on it right now? The Patriots or the Buccaneers?

Speaker 7 They're in different conferences, man. So they can both go far.
How about let's just have a Patriot Tampa Bay Super Bowl. And then that way we just break even.
We just split down the middle.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 if that happens, would you be rooting for the Patriots or your friend Tom Brady?

Speaker 7 That's tough, man. You know, that's tough.
You know, the Patriots, you know, New England's my home. Tom is my brother.

Speaker 7 I don't know, man. I got it.
You know, whenever I watch these games and I got brothers on each team, I got to be unbiased because of my job.

Speaker 7 That's a tough one, man, because you want to see them both have success.

Speaker 1 Okay, so a tie in the Super Bowl, and then everyone gets a win.

Speaker 1 Were you surprised?

Speaker 1 Were you surprised at all that Tom Brady left New England? Did you see that coming, that there was maybe a little,

Speaker 1 I don't know if it was friction between Belichick and Brady, but just, hey, we've been doing this for 20 years, time to move on kind of thing.

Speaker 7 I can't say that I was surprised. But what I can say is I know that, you know, both sides wanted to work it out.
It just didn't happen that way.

Speaker 7 And I think the fact that Tom wanted some long-term insurance, he felt like he had a lot left in the tank, that he was still playing at a high level.

Speaker 7 And the fact that the Patriots probably offered something that he wasn't comfortable with. And, you know, he had to make a decision.
And I left New England too and went to Cleveland.

Speaker 7 That's one of the toughest things for a player to do after a number of years, calling someplace home.

Speaker 7 This is where he's had all his success, all his friends, family. He's built that organization, helped build that organization, all his ties.
That's the toughest thing to do in the world.

Speaker 7 But at the end of the day, you got to do what's best for you and your family. And I think both parties understood that.
It's a tough conversation that he had to go in and talk to Mr. Kraft.

Speaker 7 He had to have that conversation with Bill Belichick.

Speaker 7 And I guess they agreed to disagree and go their separate ways.

Speaker 7 I think Tom has been feeling some kind of way for the last couple of years that

Speaker 7 he's been wanting, you know, to get that reinsurance from the organization. And

Speaker 7 maybe he didn't feel that way when

Speaker 7 his deal came up, when he was a free agent. And, you know, sometimes with the Patriots, they move a certain way.
You can't be disrespected by it, and you can't feel a certain way.

Speaker 7 And I certainly went through that myself, but you got to understand with them is business. And I know you got the GOAT right here, and you got the best player at that position ever, but

Speaker 7 it was emotional. And it came down to

Speaker 7 two sides just not agreeing going forward.

Speaker 1 So when you went out to Cleveland, when you decided it was time for you to move on from New England,

Speaker 1 was there a moment when you joined the team and you realized, wow,

Speaker 1 this is really a different way of doing things out here than they do in New England? And what was that moment for you?

Speaker 7 Oh, absolutely.

Speaker 7 I have some familiarity there with Romeo Cornell. He was the head coach.
He was my decoordinator. So

Speaker 7 the only thing that I knew is it was a great organization the fans love football out there uh cleveland is the hub for football and um i knew i would know the defense inside out because my head coach was my coordinator at the time so that wasn't a problem but when i got in the locker room the culture wasn't there uh the mentality wasn't there it wasn't team over individualism it was opposite and we didn't have enough guys to buy into where Romeo Crinnell was trying to put in place.

Speaker 7 And that was for me the discouraging part for my three years of being there.

Speaker 7 A lot of selfish guys, a lot of guys that didn't work hard, a lot of guys that put themselves before the team and didn't really understand and want to learn what it took to be a playoff caliber championship team.

Speaker 7 And I think that hurt more than anything because you got a guy like me. that that's all I know.
And I'm coming in and I'm trying to do all the things that I've been doing for the last 12 years.

Speaker 7 And you get a handful of guys that get it and buy in, but the majority of the guys that could really affect the team and make us better didn't. And that was a problem.

Speaker 7 And it was some of our best players.

Speaker 1 So you made headlines actually yesterday, I think it was something similar that you can speak on saying, give Matt Patricia time in Detroit to build.

Speaker 1 Now, the storyline that always the media runs with, and I think there's some truth in it, is when Belichick's guys go somewhere else, they want to have that culture that they had in New England, but there's not the Super Bowl success to back it up.

Speaker 1 So it's a little bit harder of a sell.

Speaker 1 Do you think that's a fair thing to say when talking about a Matt Patricia or a Romeo Cornell in Cleveland, where it's hard to sell to guys that this is the hard work you have to put in to get to the finish line if you've never been to the finish line?

Speaker 7 I think it is. And I think even when Bill Belichick came to New England, it was a rebuild.
You know, he kept

Speaker 7 a few guys in the locker room that he knew fit the criteria and fit the mold mentality

Speaker 7 physically or whatever the case may be. You know, the Tylaw, myself, Troy Brown, Bruski, Lori Malloy.
Like he had a handful of guys that he said, okay, I'm going to build around these guys.

Speaker 7 And then I'm going to go out and I'm going to shop. I'm going to draft.
I'm going to go in free agency and I'm going to build and I'm going to put the other guys around them.

Speaker 7 And I think whenever you have somebody come from a successful program, the fans and people expect.

Speaker 7 instant success and it's not an overnight process it just doesn't happen like that matt patricia has won more than anybody in that organization. He knows how to win.
He's very smart.

Speaker 7 He's been in a lot of different systems. So he's coached a lot of different guys, a lot of different ways.
And when you have the knowledge of how to do something, now you need the pieces to execute.

Speaker 7 His staff, when he first got there, wasn't even on board with how he coaches, the preparation and the mentality, all the different things that all the other coaches in New England were all on the same, all on the same line with.

Speaker 7 So your coach has got to be on the same page.

Speaker 7 And then the players, if the players are not buying in and you see those players leaving out of there, if they're a distraction and they're not buying in, then how do you expect for them to go out on the football field and execute at a high level and play at a certain level?

Speaker 7 So people got to understand the game of football and how it works. You've got to have the right pieces.
You've got to have the right mentality. You've got to be able to have time to build a culture.

Speaker 7 And I know the NFL right now, everybody wants to come in and win right now. It just doesn't happen like that.
And the teams that do, it's rare.

Speaker 7 The teams that do, that's rare, but how long does it last? It's about consistency, you know, and it's about building.

Speaker 7 And sometimes you're not afforded that, you know, we see coaches get fired in one year. You're not afforded that time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think a lot of people are forgetting about Judge going over to New York and adding on what you said, the Giants feel like an organization that would be more willing to give time, given how they've dealt with coaches in the past.

Speaker 1 They might give them three or four years to rebuild this thing as opposed to just saying, okay, one or two seasons and you're out.

Speaker 1 But in your opinion, if you're looking at like this new crop of Patriots assistants that have gone out across the league, whose stock would you be buying more? Would it be Flores?

Speaker 1 Would it be Patricia? Or would it be Judge?

Speaker 7 Well, you didn't mention Billy O. Billy O'Brien was there too, right? He was, you know, he was a quarterback coach and calling plays and working with, you know,

Speaker 7 with Tom. And he went to the Texans.
He's had a lot of success. He's been in the playoffs, I think, three out of the five years or four out of the five years.
He's, you know, in the last five years.

Speaker 7 So he's had a lot of success.

Speaker 7 As far as the competition, like you got to look at your staff. You got to look at how much creative control you're going to have with building your team.

Speaker 7 Do you have the ability to go out and pick your own players? Or do you have a GM in place that you have to run things through?

Speaker 7 So I think every situation is a little bit different.

Speaker 7 Being in Miami, you know, Flores Bryant,

Speaker 7 he has somebody as a GM who understands that vision. You know, his dad, Greer, was in New England.
You know, Chris understands what it's going to take and he has to have that patience.

Speaker 7 But you got to get the right guys in there. You see some of the best players that were in Miami, not in Miami anymore.
because maybe they wasn't buying into what they were trying to push.

Speaker 7 And I think that's the difficult part to get the best players to the free agents to whatever everybody on the same accord to understand we're all equal we're all equal and it it's just tough in the nfl these days so whether it's the patriot way whether it's what seattle built when they had sherman and all those guys buying into it whether it's atlanta the brotherhood whatever you come up with you got to create that and you got to have everybody on that roster buying into that and if they don't buy into that, they shouldn't be on your roster.

Speaker 1 So I'm always curious,

Speaker 1 you know, from a fan's perspective, how

Speaker 1 attached you are to your personal accolades or your personal records. Because I always assume everyone's a little bit selfish.
It's a team sport. It's the ultimate team sport.

Speaker 1 But there's a part of you that's like, I want my records to stand.

Speaker 1 And you may not have even thought of this, but you have the record for most sacks in playoffs, in playoff history no one's even really close right now drell suggests is uh three and a half behind but you know he's at the twilight of his career when they change the playoff structure to seven teams and only one buy is there a small part of you that's like shit guys are going to have more chance to get games under their belt and possibly break this record and take this record away from me um the first part of your question is everybody wants individual success and if you're

Speaker 7 if you don't you shouldn't be playing the game um you should have you you should have that certain respect about yourself you should always want to compete and be the best at what you do and if records and accolades come along with that then that's great that means you've accomplished something but it should all fall under the realm of team um and if you have team success that means a lot of individuals are having success because they're playing at a high level now as far as records um it's a single game sack record in the playoffs and it's the overall sack record in the playoffs.

Speaker 7 There's two. So my thing with this, records are meant to be broken.
But for me to have that record right now, to me, it's special because I earned it.

Speaker 7 The other hard part about that record, guys, is you got to get to the playoffs.

Speaker 7 If you don't get to the playoffs, then that individual record doesn't apply to you.

Speaker 7 and you can't ever reach that so you have to do what you got to be on a good team so my record comes of way of being on a good team being able to get to the playoffs to have the opportunity to make big plays in the playoffs so however you know however you you cook you cook it up or you look at it with mine the team still comes first if the team don't go to the playoffs those records don't exist i think you answered my question too by correcting me about having the individual game record as well what how many sacks was that

Speaker 7 uh four and a half i think or five against

Speaker 7 Jacksonville.

Speaker 1 Okay. And who was the quarterback then?

Speaker 7 It was Lef Witch, and then I think they switched out to Gerrard.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Left Witch doesn't count, though, because, I mean, he was so slow.
Like, every sack on him, that only counted as half one. And Gerrard had that cool hat, but not really anything else.

Speaker 1 We're going to count that as half a round. I mean, Left Witch would take three seconds to throw the ball once he started his windup.
So that was like a few.

Speaker 1 Leave him a little, man.

Speaker 7 He transitioned pretty good.

Speaker 1 He's the offensive coordinator now for the Bucks.

Speaker 7 He's doing all right.

Speaker 1 He'll always have that all-time clip of his offensive line carrying him down the team, winning a game on a broken leg. That's sick as hell.
It's four and a half.

Speaker 1 I'm looking up right now, four and a half sacks in 2005 against the Jaguars. Yep.

Speaker 1 There you go. And yeah,

Speaker 1 there's a picture of you just basically, it looks like you're giving Lefwich a noogie.

Speaker 1 Just bullying him.

Speaker 7 He was pretty fast that day, man. He was getting away.

Speaker 1 That's the fastest guy you've ever seen that day. Who is your your favorite quarterback to sack?

Speaker 7 Probably Peyton Manning, man, just because he was so tough and so good. And he always got the ball off.
He always knew what you were doing. So when you got a chance to get Peyton Manning,

Speaker 7 that felt really good.

Speaker 1 Did you ever sack Phillip Rivers?

Speaker 7 I don't know.

Speaker 7 I'm not sure. You know, I'm pretty sure I did.
If I didn't, I don't recall.

Speaker 1 You don't recall him on the field? Because he's famous for never cussing on the field. And he compliments you a little bit.
He'll yell at you too, but he just won't won't swear.

Speaker 7 I've never heard it. I've never heard him say a curse word.
He talks a lot of trash, but I've never heard him curse.

Speaker 1 That almost seems more annoying to me. Like, I'd rather have a guy be like, fuck you, than a guy be like, go, dang it, you know?

Speaker 7 That, yeah, and you know, it doesn't stop. Like, the guy never runs out of air.
So. That shit's constant all game long.

Speaker 1 Yes. All right.
I had one last question. We're talking to NFL network analyst Willie McGinnis, three-time Super Bowl champion.

Speaker 1 Again, he has got a great thing that he's doing with our friend Julian Edelman and a bunch of other people, trying to get people to register to vote before the election. It is called Be the Change.

Speaker 1 So go look that up. Willie's also posting on all of his social media at Willie McGinnis on Instagram and Twitter.

Speaker 1 Do you know Urban Meyer?

Speaker 1 Not well. I know who he is.

Speaker 7 We've said hello.

Speaker 1 Okay. So you're an ambassador to USC.

Speaker 1 Have you worked that angle yet to get him to be the head coach of the Trojans and restore some glory there?

Speaker 7 Those conversations, I would say, probably happen.

Speaker 7 I'm not officially on the staff. I am an ambassador with the football program.

Speaker 7 I am around. I am active.
I am really close with the athletic director, the director of athletics, Mike.

Speaker 1 Bohm.

Speaker 7 And I'm also friends with the coaches that are there now.

Speaker 7 Urban Meyer name has come up. I don't know if he was offered an interview.
I don't know if he wanted to interview,

Speaker 7 nor do I know if the university wanted to interview him. I know he's a great coach.
He's won a lot of football games. He has a lot of respect.

Speaker 7 He's not coaching. So, you know,

Speaker 7 we'll see what happens in the future. Right now, UFC has a head coach.
They have a lot lot of new coaches that they just hired. And,

Speaker 7 you know, they're trying to put it together and figure things out right now.

Speaker 1 We need USC to be good again, though, because USC, like Pac-12 has just been out of the picture.

Speaker 1 And USC not being good is always kind of a bummer because it's one of those historic programs that when they're in a game, it always feels a little bigger.

Speaker 7 It is, man. And, you know,

Speaker 7 it's not about the Pac-12.

Speaker 7 It's about national championships. You know, we need to set our sights higher and understand what USC tradition is or what USC football is.
And I get there's a lot of new

Speaker 7 nuances to the game, but

Speaker 7 what wins football games is being tough and physical in the trenches, dominating and taking the opponent's will.

Speaker 7 And I think when you talk about USC football and all the players that come through that system and went on to the NFL, they carry that with them. And, you know, it's special.
You don't ever leave USC.

Speaker 7 It's a family.

Speaker 7 And I just think that we need to remember that, incorporate that back in these young kids, the young men that are coming in, develop them, teach them how to be young men and exist and do the right thing in the community, but also

Speaker 7 incorporate and instill what being a Trojan really means from the time they get there to the time they leave. So

Speaker 7 our goals is national championships.

Speaker 7 And we can go ahead and take the Pac-12 along the way, but

Speaker 7 the echelon should be national championships all day, every day.

Speaker 1 Yes. All right.
Well, Willie, thank you as always. Been fun to catch up.
You're always welcome back on your recurring guest twice now.

Speaker 1 So we appreciate your time and we appreciate you telling us that the NFL season is going to happen, which you said 100%. Willie McGinnis guarantee it's going to happen.

Speaker 1 And now we're going to tell everyone else that, okay?

Speaker 7 Hey, man, do your thing. I appreciate you guys.

Speaker 1 Thanks so much, Willie. Appreciate it.

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Speaker 1 And now, Dungeons and dragons and now for something completely different

Speaker 1 okay it is that time of the week every other week it is our good friend tim woods we are continuing our dungeons and dragons adventure uh it's great to see you as always can we great to be here can we do a quick recap i think

Speaker 1 the the the long or the short part of it is that billy's in trouble but you tell us exactly where we're sitting and who's uh up next.

Speaker 5 Absolutely, for sure.

Speaker 5 So, the situation is: yeah, Billy is in a little bit of trouble because Berserker Billy had, while we were in the village of Greenest, trying to stop the cult of the dragon from attacking the castle, Greenest Keep, as it were, that was being besieged by these cultists with their giant dragon Lenathon, Berserker Billy hit successfully, jumped on the dragon's back, gotten on her good side for the most part, and convinced her with a couple of really good roles to kind of attack, you know, in between the armies, threaten everyone a little bit, but then eliminate the leader of the cultists before.

Speaker 5 getting ready to turn upon his teammate.

Speaker 5 Upon reconsidering options, Berserker Billy decided to try to fly away with the dragon Lennathon and kind of join the cult.

Speaker 5 But unfortunately, not before Norm the barbarian was able to leap up and pull Berserker Billy off of the back of lenathon lenathon flew up in the air gave a sad and sorry look back to her goliath friend but made no efforts to rescue him as she flew off while the rest of the cult of the dragon has now fled from the village of greenest and everyone is now a funny thing is their priority is celebrating how much we are all the heroes but as they crowd in to thank us it becomes very clear that they don't want to get in between us and berserker billy right now because uh just reading body language makes me aware that there is some tension at the moment it's about to be on yeah

Speaker 5 in theory i do want to highlight that the turn order for today starts with earlier of all the characters so earlier would have a chance to kind of like intervene here or do whatever he wishes but then wayne would go and then norm would get to go before berserker billy has a chance to do anything so that would be the turn order at this point i would also highlight sir oh is rushing in and kind of putting a hand on Norm the Barbarian's shoulder.

Speaker 5 And he's saying, listen, we don't have time for whatever's going on here. There's going to be prisoners that that cult got away with.
Real important right now. We got to rescue them.
Go laggers.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 So I was going to ask that. What is our mission outside of torturing Billy and making him squeal? What should we be focusing on? But we're definitely going to do the first part.

Speaker 5 Absolutely. Absolutely.
In theory, it's becoming clear that right now the town of Greenest is worried still because while the cult has fled, they apparently fled with prisoners.

Speaker 5 Everyone else is celebrating, but Sir O, Sir O is paying attention and he is aware that right now this might be a small window of opportunity for us to follow the cultists to wherever they went and try to rescue whatever prisoners they might have brought back to their camp with them.

Speaker 5 He says they must be camped nearby.

Speaker 5 Whatever you need to do here, we can throw Berserker Billy in shackles. We could

Speaker 5 I don't, I don't personally condone torture. Whatever you need to do between your teammates, you got to work it out for yourselves.
But

Speaker 5 there is also a Dwarven cleric who we've seen rushing around healing people. And that dwarf is also stepping forward.

Speaker 5 And he seems to have some ideas also on how you could get Berserker Billy helping you again. That dwarf is saying, I've got some magic that if you need this

Speaker 5 wild card over here reined in, there's a spell I could put on him that would give you control over the berserker. Just saying that's an option too.
So I would ask Ehrlich at this point.

Speaker 5 Ehrlich, in theory, you've got the jump on everybody else here. You just saw Norm get pulled off the dragon or get pulled Berserker Billy off the dragon's back.

Speaker 5 They both kind of landed on the ground, and it looks like they mean business. Sir O is suggesting peace, but we can do whatever we like.
What would you be thinking of doing?

Speaker 1 Attack Billy. Yeah, let's fuck him up.
If he's weak, I I would like to, you know, finish the job. Players only meeting right now.
Thank you for your suggestion, Coacho. Yes.

Speaker 1 We're going to go after Billy. We're going to go ahead and just

Speaker 1 hit option. Fuck him up.

Speaker 5 He puts his hands up and he steps back. So I was not getting involved in this.
But, Ehrlich, you have several options at your disposal.

Speaker 5 I know that you have Eldritch Blast would be a very powerful attack spell that you could launch at Berserker Billy right now with no penalties.

Speaker 5 That would be until he attacks you, your main avenue for attacking him. Would you like to throw a Eldritch Blast at him?

Speaker 1 Absolutely.

Speaker 1 In theory, absolutely I would.

Speaker 1 Can you blast him up the ass?

Speaker 5 You can aim for that, certainly. And if you roll a D20, you would have a plus four on your attack roll with this Eldritch Blast to go after Berserker Billy.

Speaker 1 Check that, Jake. Check that out.
He had a six. He had a six.

Speaker 5 Six plus four is going to be a 10.

Speaker 5 And checking Berserker Billy's armor class Berserker Billy, you wear heavy chain mail and you wield a shield uh your armor class is pretty high a 10 is not hitting you and so you see this charged up ball of fire being thrown at you by the normal no more lock you turn and you easily sidestep this attack so so far so good you are

Speaker 5 resisting the assault so far but wayne that would bring us to you next what's what's

Speaker 1 what would you like to do uh what's billy's mental acuity like how easily tricked is he?

Speaker 5 In theory, spells that would mess with him. He's somewhat resistant to because he has good wisdom, but his intelligence is just average.

Speaker 1 Just checking his stats, right? What if we exploited his love of dragons and we built a fake female dragon that was like that was presenting herself to Billy and lured Billy over to the dragon?

Speaker 1 I get in it. Yeah, I'm saying like Trojan horse.
Like we're inside of it. It's bombs.

Speaker 5 Yeah, so when Billy tries to make love to it, we just shoot out of various orifices and attack them can i build a fake dragon to entice billy i would let you use your minor illusion spell to create a fake dragon it wouldn't be a super large dragon but it would be it would be a big big enough dragon

Speaker 1 billy's looking for a rebound relationship

Speaker 5 An appealing,

Speaker 5 attractive dragon can appear thanks to your illusion magic. Are you making it appear around you and the barbarian?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think it's around all of us, right? Yeah, but and I'll go next and and I'll pop out. Yeah, yeah, so we're all inside this dragon, but Big Cat is closest to the to like the hole.

Speaker 1 Like my friend is right behind the dragon's mouth. So when he goes in for the kiss, I'm going to fucking just smash him in the face.

Speaker 5 Absolutely. So from inside this like hologram, you can all see out of this dragon just fine.
And you see Berserker Billy turn.

Speaker 5 And at first, Berserker Billy, yeah, your eyes would widen because you see a dragon appear out of thin air. But make an intelligence check.

Speaker 5 This would be a d20 plus zero for you and see if you can tell that this is an illusion actually so i'm rolling plus zero because you just want to throw a d20

Speaker 1 okay you can very sidestep that's fine roll 14 plus zero

Speaker 5 I am double checking what the number is that you need to get.

Speaker 5 Wayne, I'm sorry to say, he is just barely able to tell that this is an illusion. You can kind of see ripples on the surface.
However, with that role, I would say you can't see inside the dragon.

Speaker 5 You're just aware it's a fake.

Speaker 1 But I noticed that you said that he can tell kind of that it might not be a real dragon, but does he even care?

Speaker 1 Because he's just so like butt sprung over dragons that he just might be like, you know what? I'll take what I can get. Right.

Speaker 5 In theory, you're looking at this and it looks very realistic to you.

Speaker 5 You can make whatever decision you want regarding this dragon, but you do suspect something maybe a little uncanny about it.

Speaker 1 We just need a little bit like a dragon so he starts thinking with little Billy instead of big Billy. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Absolutely. Absolutely.
You're maybe developing some thoughts about this dragon, but Norm, you'd be up now before Berserker Billy goes. What would you like to do?

Speaker 1 Okay, I mean, I think I just got to smash him, right? Like, we got to start

Speaker 1 weakening him because he's about to go and try to fight back. Right.
So we have to... Just go full on melee? Yeah, like, can I just smash? Can I smash him?

Speaker 5 Absolutely. If you jump from out of the illusion, I would actually give you advantage on this.
You'd be the one person to get advantage right now.

Speaker 5 But you could roll two D20s and take the higher number. I just ask before you roll, are you also going reckless?

Speaker 1 If you go reckless,

Speaker 1 Tom, you knew the answer to that. Yes.

Speaker 5 Absolutely. Then I'm going to let you get something called double advantage.

Speaker 1 You can roll three D20s and you're taking the highest one of all of those. Okay, here we go.
I got three rolls. Give me that black die.
There we go. Okay.

Speaker 1 Roll one.

Speaker 1 13.

Speaker 1 13. Roll two.

Speaker 1 Wait. 11.
Why did you want that one?

Speaker 1 Is that weighted? No, I didn't. Are you waiting, die?

Speaker 1 Three, so 13. 13.
Not bad. 13.
Okay.

Speaker 5 So the 13 was the best of them, and with a plus five, that is an 18 total on your attack as you swing your axe, and 18 is just barely a hit against Berserker Billy.

Speaker 5 So, you are dealing damage, and you are wielding a great sword. I believe that is right.
So, as you bring your greatsword down upon Berserker Billy,

Speaker 5 you got very good damage. It is a total of 14 points of damage.
I'm sorry to say to Berserker Billy. Berserker Billy, your total hit points, if I can check those.

Speaker 5 I'm sorry, I just said 14. Yeah, you have 17 total hit points.
Berserker Billy, you're already down to three hit points left.

Speaker 1 Wow, you're basically dead.

Speaker 1 I'm a cleric, right? You're basically dead.

Speaker 5 So, Berserker Billy, that would then bring us to your turn. You've seen Norm jump out of the giant pinata illusion dragon and attack you.

Speaker 5 He got a pretty good strike on that, and you know, you are brought down to your knees, at least, by the strength of that attack. What would you like to do right now?

Speaker 1 So, I'm a healer, right? You are a healer. So, can I heal myself?

Speaker 5 You can heal yourself. I just will warn you about this.

Speaker 5 Healing yourself would be what you would do instead of attacking, which makes you very useful to your teammates in combat, but unfortunately, it means you have to make a choice.

Speaker 5 Are you going to fight right now or are you going to heal yourself to keep yourself alive?

Speaker 1 I'd also like to point out that if Billy tries to heal himself, he'll just buy some supplements from China that don't work at all. Yeah,

Speaker 1 well, I think I'm so I think I'm gonna be pretty useless if I don't heal myself because even if I kill one of them by the way, are we all in agreement that we just want to kill Billy and then we'll have Jake be part of it?

Speaker 1 That's fine. Yeah,

Speaker 1 torture at least, but yeah, yeah, no, I'd like to I'd like him dead. I want him D-E-A-D dead.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Is there an escape option?

Speaker 5 So Berserker Billy, I have to agree with your healing option being one of the best ones, but escaping is something that you could do after you either attack or heal yourself.

Speaker 1 So you can still use your move to run for it.

Speaker 5 Granted, they would be able to chase you and still attack you unless you use your action and move

Speaker 1 by death so what are you gonna do so is there uh how's how's my relate how's uh my dragon friend doing she's gone

Speaker 5 disappearing into the distance but you can still see her you could run after her okay um

Speaker 1 so i could heal and run away

Speaker 5 i will warn you if you heal and run away then they're just going to be able also catch up to you and get attacked.

Speaker 1 If you focus on just running. What's the point of escaping if they run after? Nothing, you're dead.
Just fucking eat. They could choose not to run after me.
Just fight back.

Speaker 1 They might choose after you. You're either going out like a man or you're going out like a bitch.

Speaker 1 Put up your fists and fight back.

Speaker 5 If you focus on just running and not healing, then you would get to run with your move and your action, and then they wouldn't be able to chase you and attack you.

Speaker 5 They'd just be able to chase you and essentially keep speed with you. And you'd be running with them right behind you, basically.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, you know what?

Speaker 1 It's fight or flight and I have no flight. So I think I'm going to fight back.

Speaker 1 Great.

Speaker 1 But can I do like semi-healing to get covered? No, shut up. Just either do it or don't.

Speaker 5 You could either heal yourself or you could attack. And if you attack, I would warn you, you can activate your war cleric ability to attack two times on your

Speaker 5 choice between attacking twice or healing.

Speaker 1 I just want to try to kill Norm, and if I kill Norm, then I'm the strongest, so that's the only thing I want to accomplish. So I would like to kill, to concentrate all my attacks on Norm.
Great.

Speaker 5 Go for it. Absolutely.
That means you get two D20 rolls and you have a plus four when attacking with your war hammer.

Speaker 1 So what's Norm's hit points?

Speaker 5 Norm's hit points, fair is fair. I'll check that for you as well.
Norm's got a hefty 23 hit points.

Speaker 1 It's going to be tough. And

Speaker 1 All right, so I got to.

Speaker 5 I have to warn you also that you know that Norm is raging and takes half damage on your weapons.

Speaker 1 This is.

Speaker 1 Okay, so I'm really in a no-win situation. Really, yeah.
Is there any sort of like almost like a situation that you made yourself when you tried to kill us? Well, I thought, well, you know what?

Speaker 1 I'm going to. Is there any way I can't do that?

Speaker 1 You thought we were going to take your side? Yeah, just fighting ourselves. Let's just

Speaker 1 remind people that earlier in the last episode tried to kill us. this is not unprovoked i just try to kill norm okay because i want to show i'm the strongest

Speaker 5 i have no beef with you against that i have no beef with you i thought i was just going to let my man sit out there get attacked come on dude well he hasn't been the best all of us yeah i think he's been pretty good the only person i've been mean to is you just you know what okay you know what i'm just gonna attack him and then billy i also want to let you know one other thing if you substitute your warhammer attacks for one attack spell that you have you have the ability to reach out and inflict wounds on someone basically rotting their body away with death magic.

Speaker 5 So that would only be one attack. It's all riding on a single roll.
Okay, let's hit norm with that. It's much more powerful.

Speaker 1 Billy, I want to put out maybe an alternative situation here.

Speaker 1 What if you just went after an enemy, a common enemy of ours right now, and you tried to get back in our good graces by taking out somebody that we're going up against, that we'll have to kill? Okay.

Speaker 1 Is there an option like that?

Speaker 5 You do see many cultists still trying trying to flee from out of town, who the townsfolk are like throwing rocks at and stuff.

Speaker 5 You could rush after one of them and hope that your team is merciful if you do that.

Speaker 1 I mean, it'd be great, honestly. Like, one way to get back on our good side is to help us fight this bigger battle because we don't want to be wasting our time with you.
We want to win the game.

Speaker 1 We want to get a kill screen. Okay.
And

Speaker 1 hope that your teammates are merciful. I don't think they're going to be merciful.

Speaker 1 I want to win the game, Billy. Are you guys going to be.
I thought Billy.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go.

Speaker 1 You know, I'm just going to attack Norm with one big dice roll. Let's see if we get smart.

Speaker 1 So he's doing the black death. Yeah, I take the roll.
I take one roll.

Speaker 5 Yeah. So all of a sudden, dark energy coats Norm's hand or Berserker Billy's hand, and we all hear the bellowing of Kavaki somewhere in the sky.
Kavaki, the Ram Lord.

Speaker 1 Now, think about this. I'm more confident that you guys would not give me any mercy.
No, you're right. You are 100% right.
That's the right choice. Smart strike.
Here we go. I would have crushed it.

Speaker 1 And I ain't no bitch. Okay.
One, two, three, roll, and it's a 12. Not great.

Speaker 5 12 plus 4 is what you advance to your attack spell. So a 16.
And against Norm, Norm, I'm sorry to say your armor class is a 14. So that's a hit against you.
Okay.

Speaker 5 And I will roll the damage to see how much damage you are taking now. It is going to be a lot, though, as it seems like all this

Speaker 5 energy is spreading along your arm, rotting away your flesh. It seems like it's already 13.

Speaker 1 He's got great skills plus 3.

Speaker 5 Let's go. 16 damage.

Speaker 1 Can you say it was half? Because I'm reckless right now.

Speaker 5 So here's the thing.

Speaker 1 Normally, raging, you take half damage from weapons,

Speaker 5 not from spells like inflict wounds.

Speaker 1 Let's go, strong guy. I'm fine.
Come on, strong guy.

Speaker 5 You had taken 16, so you're at 6 out of 16. Let me make a little note of that.
And

Speaker 5 you are at,

Speaker 5 I think, 3 or 4.

Speaker 1 He's at three. No, I'm at seven.
I had 23. I'm at

Speaker 1 yeah, I'm seven.

Speaker 5 You're at seven. That's absolutely right.
Exactly. But he dealt 16 damage.
Good calls if you want to write those down. All right.

Speaker 1 Perfect. Awesome.
Good job, Billy.

Speaker 5 Fucking 80. And so, Berserker Billy, that's your turn.
And that is the area is the end of your turn.

Speaker 1 Can I just kill myself?

Speaker 5 Coach O says, y'all, you gotta stop fighting, guys.

Speaker 5 We gotta worry about those prisoners.

Speaker 1 Catch them.

Speaker 5 That'll bring us back to you.

Speaker 1 What would you like to do is there like is there anything like a little different than attack like some you know like uh pull his eye eyelids off or like something where it's like he's gonna be alive but he's gonna be in a lot more pain forever oh yeah i love to get his eyelids off and then make him go hang out with his yeah like maybe you could take off both of his legs and then keep going with him so he's just permanently in pain but not dead

Speaker 5 I'll say this. You could leap at him at this point with your dagger, and your dagger could probably deal enough damage to finish off Berserker Billy.

Speaker 5 So you could attack him with a dagger, and if you knock him out, then at that point, you have a lot of liberty to do whatever kinds of torture you are hoping to do to his body.

Speaker 1 Knock him unconscious.

Speaker 1 Is there something I could do? Because I feel like it's only right to let Big Cat or PFT deliver the final blow. No, no, no, no, no, please.
I just want him dead.

Speaker 1 I just want him dead and out of the game. All right, I'll die.
Kill myself, kill myself.

Speaker 5 Absolutely. If you roll the D20 plus four, that is your dagger attack bonus.

Speaker 1 10.

Speaker 5 10 total?

Speaker 5 10 total no 10 total 10 plus 4 so 14 absolutely so 14 is not quite a hit against desert civilian you're lunging at him you're trying to you're a gnome so it's like you try to jump up grab his belt and then pull yourself up onto his shoulder to get him like right in the eye and he knocks you free and throws you small body wait aren't i aren't i a warlock small body you are you are a gnome warlock yes and you are kind of using a ritual knife a ceremonial warlock

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Speaker 1 What if we just cut Billy's tongue out and then he's just not allowed to talk or say his turns and we have to, we control him that way. We have to interpret for him.

Speaker 5 Theory Wayne, it is now your turn if you have a sword that could do that quite effectively.

Speaker 1 Small body. Yeah, I just like to fuck him up.
Honestly, I just like to kill Billy. Like whatever, whatever attack gets me closer to murdering Billy, that's the one I want to do.

Speaker 5 Absolutely. Looking at your weapons, you do have a sword called a rapier, a fencing sword.
There's a very sharp blade. You could pull that out and you could attack him with a plus four on the yes.

Speaker 1 I would like to do that. I would like to take my sharpest weapon and put it in the most sensitive part of Billy's body and kill him.

Speaker 1 Absolutely.

Speaker 5 He's obviously trying to block your attack right now. So if you get a critical hit, you will hit him right where you were hoping to hit him.
That's if you get a 20.

Speaker 5 Otherwise, the higher you get, the closer you got to his vulnerability.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's go. So what am I at? I'm at a plus four.
Is that what you said? Plus four. Exactly.
Plus four. Come on, PS.
Here we go. Here we go.

Speaker 1 Seven.

Speaker 5 Come on. Seven plus four and eleven.
He's got good armor.

Speaker 1 Oh, wait.

Speaker 5 His hide is all rock, and this attack is not getting through. He's trying to stab him in the mouth, and he just steps back.

Speaker 1 I have more of a chance than I thought here.

Speaker 1 Let's see, strong guy. All right.
I guess I got to do it. You guys.
Have not helped me. God damn it.
We got to get it. Get in the weight room, losers.
I want Jake in this game. Betas.
All right.

Speaker 1 Kill him. I want to kill him.

Speaker 5 You can roll a D20 plus five if you're a great sword.

Speaker 1 All right, what do I need here? What do I need?

Speaker 5 If you get under like a 140, we just barely got him with an 18. So 18 was the magic number last time.
I will ask again an important question. Are you going reckless at this point?

Speaker 1 That means I get another roll, right? I get two rolls? Yeah, I'll go reckless. I'll go reckless.
So yeah, what is the Elam ending here?

Speaker 1 What point total do we have to get on the dice

Speaker 1 to eliminate eliminate him? Yeah.

Speaker 5 I'm going to get plus five on this, and you need to get an 18 to hit him. So a 13 or higher on that.

Speaker 1 Okay, so I get two rolls, 13 or 15 higher. Here we go.

Speaker 1 Dude, I'm going to kill you, dude. You're fucking dead.
12!

Speaker 1 12! That's a waiting!

Speaker 1 That's a weighted day! That's a weed or five!

Speaker 1 Get out of here! Fuck! Get out of here!

Speaker 1 Yeah!

Speaker 1 You are dead. Didn't even need my second roll.

Speaker 5 Billy, I'm sorry to say you just took 16 points of damage, which I'm just double-checking whether that is,

Speaker 5 it's not an insta-kill, but it is enough to take you down to the ground and you are knocked out. At which point people can just decide whether

Speaker 1 you're unconscious. Just making sure that you're not.

Speaker 1 Yeah, can we draw on his face? Yeah,

Speaker 1 let's humiliate him.

Speaker 5 Now, Berserker Billy, there's actually one chance you still have. As Norm's turn finishes and your turn comes, you need to roll a d20.

Speaker 5 And if you get a nine or higher or less, a nine or less, you slip closer to death. If you get a 10 or higher, you're doing okay.
And if you get a 20, you actually wake up and you get your whole turn.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 there's still a chance. Now, if this is weighted, you're going to be in trouble.
Yeah, we just rolled

Speaker 1 a 20-sided dice. Remember,

Speaker 1 I'm rolling the black dice that Big Hat asked for earlier. Well, you were rolling.
Oh, no, that doesn't count.

Speaker 1 That's a six. Nice.
Nice, six.

Speaker 1 Nice. No, it's a nice.
It's a six.

Speaker 1 Dude, the dot is at the bottom. No, you're showing that all the time.

Speaker 1 That dot is at the bottom. That's a billion.

Speaker 1 It doesn't matter. I don't even think it matters.
It doesn't matter, right? He's just dead.

Speaker 5 The dot is at the bottom. And unfortunately, that means he is slipping closer to death.
If someone hits you with a weapon at this point, Berserker Billy, the character, is officially dead.

Speaker 5 And at this point, we see from the walls an elf wizard waving at us. Woohoo!

Speaker 5 And this will be Billy's character, if Berserker Billy dies, is in theory, this very frail-looking elf wizard with a book on his back.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, wait. So if I die, I become a frail elf wizard? No, no, you're dead, and you're never playing this game again.

Speaker 1 Jake is sitting in your seat, and Jake is going to be the new reporter guy that we have. And then someone's going to build a statue to memorialize you, and we're going to tear that down.

Speaker 1 We're going to fucking kill that as well.

Speaker 5 That, in theory, is the elf wizard, is the... reporter character.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 5 He's got a lot of papers on him. He's got some glasses on.
And it looks like he's been recording this whole thing for history's sake. And he gets on my Twitter.

Speaker 5 So whoever's controlling that elf character, they'll be the next person to show up.

Speaker 5 But if Berserker Billy rolls that two more times, or if somebody so much as swings one weapon at his prone body, then that is the end of Berserker Billy's story. And he hasn't woken up, unfortunately.

Speaker 5 So that brings us to Ehrlich. Ehrlich, you're standing over him with a knife right now in your hand.

Speaker 5 And this would not be the first time that you as a warlock have probably like ritual sacrificed someone. So you're like a pro at this kind of thing.

Speaker 1 It's not my first video, all right. So, I'm rolling

Speaker 5 absolutely. If you want to attack him on the ground, it's very easy.
You roll with advantage, and uh, if you hit him, then that is the final blow against Berserker Billy.

Speaker 1 In that case, what's the advantage?

Speaker 5 Uh, so you sorry, the advantage is you roll two times and take the higher number.

Speaker 1 Thank God, all right, I got a three the first time, okay,

Speaker 1 check that, check that, yes, Jake. Check it.
I trust trust.

Speaker 5 And in that case, the gnome has definitely done this before, I think. And you just reach down and slowly...
How do you want to kill Berserker Billy?

Speaker 1 Describe it slowly. Very slowly.
Hold on. Describe it slowly and really take your time on how you're going to kill him.

Speaker 1 I would like to go ear, take the ears off first, then the eyeballs, then the nose, and then just slit his throat. Oh, yes.

Speaker 1 Does that play? What if you gave him the Columbian necktie and

Speaker 1 wrapped his tongue around his neck and strapped him with it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's your call, Hank.

Speaker 1 I said it. I said it.
Yeah, yeah. I get it.

Speaker 5 Then you see grayish, reddish blood flowing forth from the Goliath's form as it seems like his life leaves his body and Berserker Billy goes cold before you.

Speaker 5 I believe also, Ehrlich, you have an ability where you actually don't reap the souls of people you kill, but you get extra hit points from them.

Speaker 5 So you feel a little charged up as you deal the killing blow to the cleric of Kavaki, but he lies dead before all of you now. And the whole town was watching, and they go, oh,

Speaker 5 this villagers are like pretty horrified by what they just witnessed.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so now they're scared of it. Let's get out of here, baby.
Let Go to the gulag. No, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 Hey, hey.

Speaker 1 Billy's dead. Can my soul flip off the crowd? Nope.

Speaker 1 See you, Billy. You're dead.
Wait, Maxie out? Yes, Jake's in. Oh, like, leave the room? No, you can sit on the couch.
Okay.

Speaker 1 You're dead. You should never have tried to cross us.
Now we should make Jake write a history of what just happened. We have Billy be like a pedophile in the history book.

Speaker 1 Billy's the best friend to Jeffrey Epsom. Yeah, so we had to kill Billy because of his crimes against humanity.

Speaker 5 jade now opens up a binder and it's just all full of pictures of of gilly maxwell and billy berserker hanging out at parties from now on for all of recorded history people refer to the devil as just billy yes yes well welcome jake thank you i will first of all say jake excited to have you this is very great and uh i'll also just throw it there for uh saying goodbye to billy uh at the very least i put out the offer that if a particular monster catches our attention and we'd like billy to get to roll for that monster or even to take on some decision making for that monster.

Speaker 5 I'd be happy to give Billy a monster now that unfortunately he's lost his character and been retired from the game. But Jake, welcome.
Glad to have you.

Speaker 5 And I'm very excited, you know, to hear what kind of a character you'd like to play.

Speaker 5 But so far, I do have this elf wizard prepared who is a great spellcaster, historian, and master of knowledge of all things magical.

Speaker 5 They are a little bit intelligent focused compared to some of the other characters that we have in play, but that means that you can do the best job like rolling knowledge checks to find out secret information about things and places that we go to.

Speaker 1 Yeah, to be honest, the physical description you said with the glasses was really spot on. So I think we're on the right track.

Speaker 5 I love it. Fantastic.
So your character, and at some point I will ask, what is your elf wizard's name, but you can take some time on that. You don't have to have an answer right now.

Speaker 5 But they've been, you know, hanging out in the village of Greenus, probably for a lot of reasons, didn't leave this castle when it was under attack and you've just seen this party of adventurers come riding into town save the day and then apparently hold one of their own accountable for treason and executed him before the whole town's eyes and uh you're going to be able to record everything about this town's reaction of horror to this although it seems like reluctantly at first and then increasingly the town is gathering in closer.

Speaker 5 They want to like remove the body of Berserker Billy, but then otherwise thank the rest of us for driving off the dragon, driving off the cultists, saving the town.

Speaker 5 And there is one young man who I'm going to say to the bard, definitely, but you record this all happening, wizard.

Speaker 5 But to our bard, Wayne, he just approaches you, and it's a young man, maybe a teenager. And he just says, hey, I just want to say it was really entertaining what you did.

Speaker 5 I had a really good time watching you guys. I just want to, and he reaches into his pocket and he pulls out a healing potion and he just hands it to you.
And then he just walks off.

Speaker 5 He says nothing else. He just walks away

Speaker 5 and hands you this healing potion. And it's warm.

Speaker 1 It's like warm for some reason.

Speaker 5 The healing potions aren't supposed to be warm. So you've now got at least one free healing potion as a reward from this town.

Speaker 5 So that seems to be like what they wanted to give you, just free of charge. And we can do whatever we want at this point, but the finishing blow is delivered by Ehrlich.

Speaker 5 So Wayne, the celebration is beginning. It's a little dampened by the death of Berserker Billy, but otherwise the town is pretty excited to celebrate their survival at least.

Speaker 1 Okay, so with the healing potion, my good friend Norm the Barbarian, he's injured, right? Can I give it to him to shotgun?

Speaker 5 Yes. You know, you absolutely could give it to him to shotgun.
He can totally drink it right now, and he would regain a total of

Speaker 5 gonna be about seven hit points in all. Not that much, unfortunately, but

Speaker 5 it will better than you were doing. And once you rest tonight, you will be back up to full hit points and full spell slots for everyone, with the exception, of course, of our deceased characters.

Speaker 5 Great. Okay.

Speaker 1 Thank you. That was a delicious pushlight.
You're welcome. So what's the game plan here, guys? What should we do? We got to figure out...
We got to go...

Speaker 1 There's a goblin that's fucking around with people, right? Well, no, they said they took... They took prisoners, so we have to find...

Speaker 5 Prisoners back to the cult camp. And in fact, Wayne, you see one person in particular on a crutch.

Speaker 5 Seems like a guy with a shaved head is kind of limping around camp saying, like, we need, please, the prisoners.

Speaker 5 and he's really riled up about the prisoners he seems to be like i lost somebody my master he keep hearing him say my master leozen was captured by the cultists they they're camped somewhere nearby here and coach aser oh is tapping him on the shoulder like it's okay i'm putting a group together and you know he has his eyes on you he's hoping that when you're done partying maybe after resting tonight you'd be ready to set out to try to rescue these prisoners.

Speaker 1 Yeah, let's go. Let's go for Leozin.
That guy sounds like bad news.

Speaker 5 absolutely so you're looking to go save uh it sounds like this one guy is saying his master leozen was gone you can ask him more about that if you want but otherwise you can just uh set out right now or you can set out the next morning when we've all had a chance to heal i'd like to ask what uh what relation leozin has to this guy as a master what is his significance in this story Absolutely.

Speaker 5 Go right ahead and roll a persuasion check on him. That's going to be a D20 plus five for you.

Speaker 1 I got 13, so 18 total.

Speaker 5 I'm sorry, it's actually a plus four, so you got a 17 on that, but still very good. And he says, Well, my name's Pilo, and I am a young monk in training.

Speaker 5 And he tries to like put the crutch to the side and do like a kung fu stance, kind of.

Speaker 5 It's obvious that he is trained in martial arts, but he does not really have the ability with his broken leg in a splint to effectively fight right now, it seems.

Speaker 5 And he says, I got hurt during the attack by the cultists, but my master Leozin, he is a member of a group called the Harpers the Harpers are a secret society throughout the world of Faroon and we keep our eyes on evil people like the cult of the dragon.

Speaker 5 My master has been spying on this cult for quite some time and he has valuable information on how this cult could be defeated. Unfortunately, they've taken him as a prisoner.

Speaker 5 I think he thinks he's still spying on them, but he's only got a matter of time before they execute him. If you could rescue my master, that would mean so much to me.

Speaker 1 I feel like we go rescue him. Do we rest up for the night? Get some shut eye.
I'm down for whatever. I mean, I feel like everyone's on a high right now after killing Billy.

Speaker 1 There's like an extra jolt of energy. That's right.
Hank just got beefed up from him. Hank gained his mass.
Yeah. All his proteins.
I'm feeling okay. Okay.

Speaker 5 Hank got like three extra hit points, and unfortunately, the only injured person we have right now is Norm, who's maybe not too worried about that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, I'm the strongest one. Okay, so yeah, let's roll out.

Speaker 5 yeah let's let's go see what's going on try to rescue uh leonson let's do it absolutely uh pilo is so excited that you are going to go uh investigate this right now without even resting he thinks that's very heroic of you uh if you have any other questions for him you're more than welcome to ask you got a good role but if you are setting out then we can start traveling following the trail of this cult and as we follow their massed footprints of this army of like 200 cultists and drakes and kobolds who had been fleeing into the wilderness, it becomes very clear that up ahead there is a watchtower of some kind.

Speaker 5 And it looks like there is at least one human in a dragon-shaped helmet who's up there keeping an eye out with a spyglass.

Speaker 5 We also, I'm going to say, can see from kind of the tree line that he has at least one kobold next to him, but we don't know how many people are up in that watchtower exactly, but we do know the cult camp seems to be up ahead right right now so is it me or you pd so it's norm's turn now actually norm what would you like to do can i throw a rock at the dude standing in the window uh absolutely you could try to throw a rock at him for sure yeah in this tower it's kind of looking out over the trees it has a plenty of open window space you could chuck a rock in and knock him out possibly i'd warn you then the kobold would probably see that happen are you are you trying to do it in a way that the kobold wouldn't see those are little lizard bitches we have one right Yeah.

Speaker 1 What if you threw him up there? Oh.

Speaker 5 We have Bob Costa, and would he have come with us?

Speaker 1 Yes. Can I throw him? Can I throw him, knock the dude out, and then he can be like, yo, Kobalt, other Kobalt, if you want to survive, fucking listen up.
We're about to roll on these idiots.

Speaker 5 Absolutely. In that case, yes, you could use him as a projectile, and that would hopefully knock out the human, and then he can uncurl from his cannonball position, talk to them.

Speaker 5 Go ahead and roll if you're raging when you do this you can roll with advantage you have two rolls okay

Speaker 5 what am I looking for here you're looking for at least a 15 to hit this guy you think you have a plus five on this okay

Speaker 5 two times you're trying to get a 15 or higher probably

Speaker 1 seven seven

Speaker 5 14 14 and that was 14 after the plus five or before the plus five 14 before the plus five so 19 total yes you throw Bob costa up there and he just collides with that human's head ah and they both get really hurt the human gets knocked out and falls to the ground bop costa because he rolled just well enough is lying on the ground with his eyes flickering slightly a 20 would have kept him fully awake but as he passes out since you got a 19 he just says it's cool it's cool and you hear the chittering of like four kobolds up there just trying to figure out like what was this guy's deal why did he just jump in here and knock the human out he's he's a weirdo but they don't think that this is a threat necessarily and they seem to be focusing on bob costa now he's just mostly unconscious now at this point unfortunately but it does seem like now we could just try to maybe sneak right by this watchtower potentially and so that would be a nice segue to get us to the elf wizard's turn so elf wizard uh i would let you know at this point would you have let this in theory you could of course do whatever you want in town, or you could follow this group back to the cult's camp.

Speaker 5 Would you have made it, if you were following them, would you have made it clear that you were following them or were you following them like secretly?

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 1 you know, as journalists, you're really supposed to be transparent with the subject. So I don't want to go behind their back.
And you got to do everything ethically. Smart.
Very smart. Absolutely.

Speaker 5 That's a great call because you're not the sneakiest necessarily. So that's pretty good to be up upfront and honest about it.
So I would say that you can approach them in the woods.

Speaker 5 You hear who this is, an Elven historian from town who is joining your party. And you have seen them sneak up to this watchtower and apparently distract the people in the watchtower.

Speaker 5 Would you want to start approaching the camp and getting a better view of it?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that would be great. You always want to have the best view as possible.

Speaker 5 Absolutely. In fact, since you said that, I just highlight you're sneaking past the watchtower.

Speaker 5 You hear these four kobolds poking Bob Costa, the kobold up there, but they're not paying attention to you, but that watchtower would be the best viewing point, you think.

Speaker 5 But up ahead, you can still clearly see a whole lot of tents. Some of the tents are big, some of the tents are small.

Speaker 5 There are humans and kobolds all around these tents, and some of the tents seem to have cook fires nearby. Looks like a lot of these cultists are cooking dinner after their big battle

Speaker 5 with all of us in the town. And you can see in the distance one really big tent that has extra nice red and gold insignias of dragonheads on it.

Speaker 5 And just beyond that tent, there's a cave entrance that leads into the wall of like a kind of canyon cliffside.

Speaker 5 So what you're looking into is a kind of valley where all of the cultists' camp is splayed out in front of you. There are way too many cultists for us to fight alone.
That much is clear to you.

Speaker 5 What would you like to do here?

Speaker 1 So to be clear, it's either go on the watchtower or right through their camp correct in theory yes unless you've got a better idea and in theory you're not the best at like disguising yourself or uh any of the things that might be like tricky for getting your way through the camp it's a little noisy up in that watchtower should you go up there and shush them and say hey there's no there's no like pickering in the press box yeah i could do that or i can get a floor view of right everything happening in front of me

Speaker 1 see what's happening in the town from a close-up angle. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Your call, Jake.

Speaker 5 I'll say this: you could, if all you want to do is focus on finding out more information around here, you could roll a perception check, and that would tell you more hidden things that might be around here.

Speaker 5 Or you could try to clear out the watchtower to get a better view that way.

Speaker 5 And I just say, as the wizard, you have the most options for hitting lots of people all at once.

Speaker 5 You could climb that watchtower and do a sonic boom spell where you clap, and instantly everybody around you is just thrown out of the watchtower basically that sounds fun let's do that that's a very good one absolutely if you climb up the watchtower all of the kobolds are distracted by bob costa so uh as he's lying there i'm gonna say he's a mute are you trying to hit him with this spell the our unconscious kobold friend or are you um uh trying to save his life I think we save him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'd just rather not.

Speaker 5 You see four other kobolds who are all not looking at you as you let off off your thunder wave spell. It's like a whoosh, throwing everybody back, a blast of wind.

Speaker 5 And they roll two times and take the lower number. And because of the disadvantage that they had for being surprised by the barbarian's throw,

Speaker 5 and you see the unconscious human up here as well, you clap your hands and all of the kobolds, all four of them, go flying out of the tower, crashing down below, unconscious or dead.

Speaker 5 The tower is now cleared out and you can clearly see all of the camp before you, all of the dozens of tents, the cook fires, the big, what you think is like a command tent where the leaders might be, and you can see the cave entrance, but now you can see two other things as well.

Speaker 5 You can see behind one of the smaller tents, all of these five people who look like they are tied with their hands behind their back to poles, big like tent poles that have been driven into the ground and they're tied by their hands so that they can't escape it looks like five prisoners more or less unconscious with kobolds poking them and the other thing that you notice is that up on one of the mountain ridges nearby there is a dragon who is lazily sleeping and scratching her chin occasionally and then like turning her head over and sleep but she's sound asleep right now but this is the blue dragon lenathon that you can see.

Speaker 1 Whoa,

Speaker 1 should we leave it here?

Speaker 1 Should we stop here that we just stumbled upon a dragon? Seems like you could stop here. Because otherwise, we're just going to attack the dragon and then

Speaker 1 start a whole thing. And, I mean, it's the perfect place to end.
We literally just found another dragon that our dearly departed friend, Billy the Berserker, would love to try to fuck.

Speaker 1 Unfortunately, he's no longer with us. I might try to fuck this dragon.
Yeah, you know what? We should all try to fuck this dragon.

Speaker 1 Just for fun. Yeah, yeah, next week we're gonna fuck this dragon in the name of Billy.

Speaker 5 Absolutely, it does seem like this is this is the dragon who Billy had become friends with, so yeah, we're now gonna get out of time.

Speaker 1 Perfect, perfect.

Speaker 5 All right,

Speaker 1 we're you're gonna slip right in there. All right, Tim, thank you as always.
It's been fun. We'll see you in a couple weeks.
Uh, appreciate it, man.

Speaker 5 Such a pleasure, as always. Take care, everybody.

Speaker 1 Thanks, Tim. See you, Tim.
Love you guys.

Speaker 1 Talking away.

Speaker 1 I don't know what

Speaker 1 I'm to say. I'll say anything.

Speaker 1 Today's another

Speaker 1 day.

Speaker 1 I found you

Speaker 1 shining away.

Speaker 1 I'll be coming for you, K.

Speaker 1 You

Speaker 1 are

Speaker 1 me

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 will be

Speaker 1 gone

Speaker 1 in a day you

Speaker 1 needless to say,

Speaker 1 I'm on to night,

Speaker 1 but I'll be

Speaker 1 stumbling away.

Speaker 1 Slowly learning the curves of the cave,

Speaker 1 say after me.

Speaker 1 So hard to be safe than sorry

Speaker 1 to feel

Speaker 1 I'll be

Speaker 1 good

Speaker 1 in a day you'll see

Speaker 1 you

Speaker 1 What was that?

Speaker 1 Nothing.