3X SB Champ Willie McGinest, Dungeons And Dragons And We Kill Billy

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On today's Pardon My Take, we have three-time Super Bowl champion recurring guest, Willie McGinnis, talking about NFL coming back, Tom Brady with the Bucs, Cam Newton in New England. We also have Dungeons and Dragons.
We continue our quest, our adventure.

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Ultimate satisfaction.

We have hot sea, cool throne, a little bubble talk.

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Today is Wednesday, July 15th. Fuck, man.
It's July 15th. Yeah.
it's tax day it is tax day shit um extension put that shit in the mail verbally i declare an extension that's all you have to do right i'm getting nervous since july 15th not gonna lie why i don't know nfl should be here soon we should be right before training camp i'm gonna be positive going to be positive. I'm trying to be more positive.
But this, I feel like this next week and a half, two weeks, is going to be make or break for the next six months to a year. We have baseball hopefully starting next Thursday, basketball, bubbles going, scrimmage is about to start, hockey, and then training camp.
If these can go on off without a hitch I think we're back I think we get sports back so I at the very least I think that the NFL is going to happen I think that it is I think they're going to make out a way to find the only thing where I'm like I'm like I'm like maybe not not going to our way for your cabinet with a child inside oh no out. Well, we disavow that.
Yes, of course. But there's so much cool stuff happening in the NFL where it seems like we're not going to have it.
Like, we're being kind of like all this awesome storylines are being dangling in front of us. I feel like it's too good to happen.
I hope that I'm wrong. You know, Hank's been going through it with Tom Brady in Tampa Bay, Cam Newton in New England.
The Redskins are changing their name, hopefully, to the Red Wolves. Dan Snyder, if you're listening, the Red Wolves is the way to go for this.
There's so much cool shit happening. Mitch Trubisky's a 75 in the new Madden.
Insane. Just insane.
It's not that bad. Uh-huh.
He was 79 last year. God damn.
I just feel like we're being set up. I feel like this is about to be the biggest okey doke of all time.
We're good. The bubble is going.
We have the snitch phone is working. Shams and Shefty are now taking over all reports.
The snitch phone is working. We had a Kings player break the line for Seamless and then get busted, which I actually think it's worth it.
Yeah, that's fine. Depending on what you're ordering what you're ordering no anything right like if you order seamless and it doesn't come to you you have to go meet them right there's no what you feel like you're leaving the guy out to dry if he's just standing there with your order right it'd be actually irresponsible for you to not go meet him so that's happening everything feels like come on let's go guys this is july 15th is we are balls summer.
It doesn't feel like that. The snitching is actually getting pretty hilarious right now because there are players that are reporting on other players for breaking quarantine, and I can see their point.
If you're going to be playing a team in the playoffs and you see, hypothetically, James Harden walking his way across campus to get a lap dance on the east side when you know that he should be in his hotel room getting a lap dance in his room i would immediately pick up that phone i would i would deputize myself on the spot as a karen yeah just knock knock out some of your uh competition russell westbrook has i have a riley for that okay go uh russell westbrook has coronavirus good thing he can't pass to his teammates oh that is good thing yeah good. Yeah, that's good.
I don't know. Good thing he doesn't pass to his teammates.
Good thing he's alienated all of his teammates so there's no one to pass to. Right.
And then some nerd's going to be like, dude, he actually has like 10 assists a game. That's a fucking fraud triple-double that he averaged at you.
James Harden. James Harden can pass.
James Harden was late getting to the bubble. That's weird because he likes to travel so much.
That's good. It's not a travel, dude.
It's a fucking gather step. It's a crab dribble.
It's a gather step. I had an idea, though, about how the NBA could kind of police this because you run into a weird area when you're asking players to narc on their opponents, their potential opponents, people that could knock their teams out of playoffs, they should just round up an all-star team of Karens.
Just like Barbecue, Becky, all the... What's the difference between a Becky and a Karen? I feel like a Becky fucks.
A Karen fucked 20 years ago. A Karen is like an older Becky.
Yes. But you get all the Karens together.
They wear a uniform of like a baby shirt. They've got their like super tan husbands behind them kind of having their back, but not really.
Like just dispatch all the big Karens that you've seen online for the last two months. Put them all down in Orlando monitoring the situation.
Have them just narc on everyone. Yeah.
So like have a team actually hire that. Like the Lakers should hire their own.
It's almost like a SWAT team they bring in to just watch everyone else. I like that.
So, the league could hire a SWAT team to bring in. No, I'm saying specifically.
But if a team's smart, they get their own security. Yes, I like that a lot.
I bet you Daryl Morey's already figured this out, like the advanced analytics of knocking off one of your opponents every two weeks for coronavirus allegations. Okay, so you're not talking about policing your own team.
You're saying private investigators. No, getting everyone else out.
Yes, I like that a lot. Oh, we got a big series coming up against the Bucs.
We got to stick a Karen on Giannis' ass to make sure that he doesn't do anything improper. What happened to all the golf fans out there that are no longer allowed to call in rules violations at the U.S.
Open? They're just sitting around with a thumbs up their asses. They're looking for jobs.
Speaking of golf, our guy Brooks going up against Tiger and Rory is their threesome on the sixth major. What's it called? The sixth major? What is it called, Jake? Travelers? It's a memorial.
I think, not to put pressure on Brooks, but I expect a very good Thursday and Friday from him.

He rises to the occasion.

He's up against those guys.

Come on.

Absolutely.

And it's going to be on the featured group.

So even if it's not on TV, I'm sure we'll be able to find some sort of stream that we can watch it on.

That'll be nice.

It won't be on TV.

In baseball news, a lot of Major League Baseball teams are selling cutouts to their fans.

So if you want to put a cutout of yourself in the stands, I know the Mets this the mariners are doing this probably a couple other teams are doing it so you can actually have a picture of yourself as a cardboard cutout sitting in the stands at home games this year if you pay like 500 bucks i like it i think that we should put together some money and maybe um get some cutouts get it well i going to say cutouts of us or maybe just what if we had cutouts

of just Tim Tebow at Mets games or Marlins man.

Yeah.

Marlins man behind.

Just put a million Marlins man.

If Marlins man is who I think Marlins man is,

he would be buying all the cutouts.

He's probably already done.

Yeah.

I'm just saying some people lost their fastball.

He's purchased.

I'm not saying he has.

What we should do is we should get pictures of wood.

You remember wood, the guy from the memes, the coronavirus memes.

Oh God.

That was like 10 years ago. We should buy a shitload of wood cutouts and put them in the stands at like Mariners games.
God that really does feel like a million years ago. Put him in the stands at Mets games and then have Tebow's cutout sit next to him with Woods foreskin in his hand hand.
Oh, man. We got to do what – once it all ends, once sports do come back in two weeks, we should do our Mount Rushmore.
Holy shit, that happened? And we'll just go through all of it. Tiger King.
Whoa. And the NHL has done a great job of not letting anything – we don't know if the NHL is doing good or not.
I heard that Austin Matthews has coronavirus, which sucks. But besides that, I haven't really heard shit from them.
The NHL is doing what they do with their injury report. Lower body, upper body.
They're just the whole... We have a league.
Yes. The NHL is handling this the way that the NHL handles their season normally.
Yes. Which is we're going to not publicize anything.
Don't tell anyone when any of this is happening. We'll just surprise them with the Penguins versus Blackhawks on NBC.
That's all they're going to do. Okay, let's get to our hot seat, cool throne.
And then we have William McGinnis coming up and then Dungeons and Dragons. Awesome episode with Tim Woods, who has become like an all-star in the PMT world.
We love him. We're going to get right back to the show.
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Restrictions apply. USAA! Alright, back to part of my take.
Hank, hot seat, cool throat. My hot seat is Michael Beasley.
Be easily. Be easy.
My boy. Super cool bees.
Got signed to the Nets. I was hyped.
Hyped to see him show out in the bubble. And then today, it didn't say reported positive for coronavirus.
It just said Michael Beasley has left the bubble. It wasn't like a team transaction.
It was a weird. He literally left his bong in his car.
Yeah, like Michael Beasley just bounced. He showed up, was like, eh, and left.
I got too much money. I did read that he did have coronavirus, and he was sent home.
Oh. Who said that, though? I saw people speculating.
I didn't see any Big J reporters reporting that he had it. He said Michael Beasley.
I saw him say. Shams, excuse me.
Shams said he had coronavirus. Reports Michael Beasley's positive test creates uncertain roster status with the net.
That's from NBA.com. I like the bong thing more.
Yeah, he left his bubbler is what we're going with. He did not leave the bubble.
Michael Beasley's made $33 million. I would also say that if you test positive for coronavirus, probably the first thing that you should not do is get on a plane and fly back home.
Also true. Although with $33 million, maybe he's flying private.
That's also a good point. Yes.
Can you name all the teams that Michael Beasley's played for? The Lakers. The Kansas State Wildcats.
The Timberwolves. Did he play on Memphis? Nope.
He's played on the Heat, the Timberwolves, the Suns, back to the Heat, the Rockets, the Bucs, the Knicks, the Clippers, the Lakers, the Nets. Is he a super spreader? I think so.
That's a hell of a – he had – starting in 2014, he played on a different team one, two, three, four, five, six, seven years in a row. Counting the Nets.
Super cool. Measly because he spreads viruses.
Okay. Who's your cool throne? My cool throne is SpongeBob.
Today's his birthday. Shout out to our darling Jake for that information.
And Scott Van Pelt. Yes.
Shares a birthday. That's beautiful.
Everyone wish Scott Van Pelt a birthday. It's actually tomorrow.
It's today. It's today.
It's Wednesday. It's Wednesday.
It's July 15th. So everyone wish him a happy birthday, please.
That's the first thing you can do when you wake up. Does it say 1986 or 1936? Wait, when was SpongeBob? 1936? 86.
86. Okay.
So he's 34. Five.
34. 34.
Can't do math. Mm-hmm.
He's one year younger than us. Wow.
That's fun. Fun fact.
Yeah. I feel like SpongeBob memes have been dying out recently.
I'm selling SpongeBob memes if they're a stock. And by the way, I am considering making a formula.
What about stonk memes? Yeah. Those have also.
Yeah. I'm considering making an algorithm to tell me when to buy which stocks just based on what memes are.
Will Smith. Going really.
Yeah. Will Smith entanglement.

Will Smith is selling that.

Buy, buy, buy.

What is an entanglement?

The 50 cent.

Oh, we actually never talked about that on Monday.

Entanglement is just having sex.

That's like the way that you would explain an affair to your lawyer.

Yes.

Okay.

Got it.

You got entangled.

Did you guys see the text exchange or the DM exchange between 50 cent and Will Smith?

Yes, it was.

100% not real.

100% real.

How?

100% real because it's 50 cent. There's no way way that was real i would bet money that it was real why because it's 50 cent and he's absolutely reckless he's reckless but he also makes stuff up i know i bet you it was real i'm on what so so there was a couple there's another comedian too that also like dm'd him it was someone that will smith followed and he dm'd him and was kind of shitting on him.
And then Will Smith was like, all right, I'm blocking you now. Okay, but to reset here, 50 Cent reached out to Will Smith after he did that entanglement thing.
Yes. And was like, hey, is entanglement just mean she got her back blown out? Yes.
No way is that real. That doesn't sound much like an entanglement.
If it's an entanglement, that's more like a weird Kama Sutra position, not just like pounding it doggy style. That's pretty straightforward.
You never get entangled if you're just hitting from the back. Hank, I don't think so.
He said, then she said only she can get permission for somebody to blow her back out. And then he said, fuck you, 50.
And 50 Cent said, wait, what I do? Okay, so it's not Will Smith because Will Smith doesn't cuss. Yep.
Yes, he does. Boom.
What are you talking about?

No, he doesn't. No, he doesn't.
He's a Scientologist.

Will Smith doesn't have to cuss to sell records,

but I do, so fuck him and fuck you, too.

After 50 Cent Caught Wind,

what Jada said during

her Red Table talk, he shared a screenshot

of a fake DM message he received

from Will Smith. That's almost worse,

actually. Who said that? I'm reading a website.

Capital Extra.

Got it. What? I mean, I'm reading a website, 50 Cent's Instagram page.
Which, no, but are you reading? But he made that up is what we're saying. This is 50 Cent being a comedian.
Allegedly. No, it's more fucked up that 50 did that than it was if that was real.
Like, for him to make that joke behind Will Smith's back and then put it out, that's worse. I understand why 50's got targets on his back.
I don't think that was real. I don't think it was real.
While we think that's a Photoshop, that's hiphoplately.com, you never know these days. You don't.
I'm just waiting for Tekashi69 to weigh in on this. You said 100% real.
Michael Beley didn't have corona 50 cent sent that dm okay you're suspect and rose's first name is thug yes got it okay you also you realize that the other person who thought it was 100 real is steven shea that's not good company when it comes to gullible things online yeah good point that's tough yes but i'm sticking with it okay uh pft what's your, Cool Throne? My hot seat is Trey Wingo and Nick Merckx, both recurring guests of the show within the last, I think, month or so, because a video came out online yesterday of a bear using nunchucks. I saw that.
So it turns out that bears actually can use weapons, Nick. You laughed at us.
You made us sound like we were idiots to think that a bear or a gorilla would be able to pick up a nunchuck. If a bear can pick up a nunchuck, a gorilla can pick up a fucking rocket launcher.
A gorilla would be able to fly like a Black Hawk helicopter if a bear is able to use these martial art weapons. That was the first thing I thought of as well.
I was like, Jesus Christ, this guy, this bear's got it all. Bears do look hilarious.
For some reason, even though he was a bear who's deadly using nunchucks, which are also deadly,

it made the bear look cuter and made me want to go up and just boop it.

Well, it looked like he was, like, scratching his back.

That's probably what he was doing.

Like in an itch somewhere that he was trying to get to.

Like they scratch their backs on trees and stuff?

Right, right. When a bear sees a nunchuck, they just think back scratch.

Right, exactly.

What percentage of, like, you think that was real?

Yes. Yeah.
Yeah, the bear was real. What real what no that was a video how is that fake what could have been like what do you mean what do you mean could have been someone in a suit what's going on with you today who could it be are we living in the upside down world there was a bit i mean this bit ah hank it's a real bear hank you're not your eyes, but then you believe 50 Cent is posting a screenshot?

Bears can catch fish with their bare hands.

I'm pretty sure they can use nunchucks.

The 50 Cent thing looks fake because... All right, whatever.

What app is that?

It was Instagram DMs.

But Instagram DMs don't look like that.

Chris Broussard would beg to differ.

Yeah, I don't know.

It's all one system. Okay, what uh my cool throne is oj oj's on the cool throne back in the news big time oj did not wear a mask at his big birthday extravaganza in las vegas and so that led to a lot of people making jokes about how oj's on the loose trying to kill again and And in the same couple days, same 24 hours actually,

the Ford Bronco is coming back.

So big come on.

It's 1995 again.

Bill Clinton's dick's getting him in trouble.

I want a Ford Bronco really bad.

Baseball has a labor disagreement.

Not these.

I want the old ones.

I want an old Bronco.

I like the new ones.

No, I don't like the new ones.

Also, I feel like you have to let a couple models go before you hop in like if you just buy the first bronco there's definitely gonna be a there's probably gonna be like shit blowing up and like weird stuff happening that's kind of what is attractive about the ford bronco though it's like it's definitely a car that you would get into expecting to die no yeah there's definitely yeah but i would rather die looking stylish in an old one than a new one yeah if it was an old one that was like you know a retro yeah yeah retrofitted that that could be kind of cool but i think the new ones look awesome um just a good rule of thumb in general if oj is doing anything just do the exact opposite of what oj's doing so wait are you all sure to wear a mask uh no i'm not saying that no do it say it uh change a life according to according to numerous blue check marks that i've seen on twitter you should be wearing a mask wear a mask yeah wear a mask people unfortunately after that rant thought i was specifically talking about john rostein i am not john rostein is a saint he's doing everything genuinely i'm talking about the people who are just looking for clout i am wearing a mask yeah i also don't don't feel like... Yes, we're pro-mask.
I'm also an idiot, so you probably shouldn't... If I am feeling the need to speak very publicly on something, chances are I'm not that informed about it.
Correct. So I'm quietly wearing a mask because people smarter than me have told me to do that.
Correct. And then I was going to have on my other cool throne entanglement, but we already got to that.
All right. My hot seat is my emotional well-being because I'm having a little bit of a uh earmuffs hank tony soprano remember when he was watching the commercials and he started crying um i have watched two sports highlights in the last week that have made me teary-eyed okay i watched one makes sense i watched the um wilson contraris or sorry not wilson contraris the miguel monterolam NLCS Game 1.
We were in the bleachers for that. Loudest I've ever heard of stadium against the Dodgers.
Watched it. Got teary-eyed.
The second one, for some reason, it was on Twitter, the World Cup Women's Final 99, Brandi Chastain. No, that's not her name.
Yep. That is her name.
Brandi Chastain hitting the winning PK started to tear up. That is bad.
It makes sense. I miss sports so much.
I miss the moment that I get chills and I'm starting to well up on highlights that like, why? Because we as a nation need something like that right now. That reminds us that the U.S.
can be better than everybody else in the world at stuff. There's been a severe lack of that in the news recently.
So going back in time to 1999 and seeing that utter domination, and then she took her time. Dude, it's bad to fucking know I was just sitting there, like, laying in bed, kind of welling up, being like, man, I really miss this stuff.
I actually cried at Warren Sharpe's thread the other day that he put online which was just uh nfl coaches realizing how to hack the rule book to their advantage and remembering those cool plays like the uh the play where jim harbaugh or john harbaugh cried and complained to the officials for like a week after when they lined up a tackle that was eligible without having to report as eligible because there was a guy on the line of scrimmage. Then there was Bill Belichick taking a safety.
And Al Michaels getting super excited about watching that for the first time. That made me tear up a little bit too.
And Mike Vrabel staring down Belichick as he wasted like 60 seconds worth of clock time in the playoffs. Seeing the sports moments gets you a little chills, gets you a little goosebumps.
I thought you were going to say that you cried when you saw the Boise State highlight against Oklahoma. No, that— Because you had Oklahoma minus seven.
I had Oklahoma. Mortal lock of my life.
And that—the end of that game was probably the best end of any college football game I've seen in the last 15 years. I was so convinced.
I was like, dude, how could Boise State beat Oklahoma? It's big bad Oklahoma. Adrian Peterson's a beast.
We need laterals. All right.
My cool throne. Positive news.
The first vaccine for coronavirus looks like it is like a month away from being able to start being mass produced. A month away from final studies.
A month away from final studies. Yes.
So what's that? A month away from? Progress. It better start taking its Adderall right now is what you're saying.
Shit. We need it now.
Yeah. So if it's a month away from final studies, then it has to get certified afterwards and then we're fine.
It's like they're injecting people and people are getting it. And they're cool about it? It's actually boosting their immune system.
I don't want to tell the people who are the guinea pigs right now, but if you feel like you have a side effect, just be cool about it and don't make a big deal. Diarrhea, deal you know a little sleeplessness not a big deal yep don't hold this up dark thoughts not a big deal just just let us get there do you remember you guys might not remember this because there's a massive massive story in washington dc back in like 2001 2002 i think there was a redskins cheerleader or excuse me a tbd washington football name cheerleader that was in the news because she got a flu shot.
And after her flu shot, she couldn't talk anymore. She couldn't walk anymore.
She was like trying to walk down this path and being interviewed by the news channel. And she was just like physically falling over and talking in this weird, weird voice.
Everybody was like, oh, my God, the flu shot's bad this year. And then turned out, like a week later, she was faking the entire thing.
And she was saying that when she was able to run backwards, she could speak normally and talk normally. But for whatever reason, when she was walking forward, her name was Desiree something.
Go look it up online. It's an all-time hilarious YouTube clip.
It was later than that. It wasn't 2004.
I think it was like 2001. Sometime around then.
And it's so fucking funny to watch. I don't know what her end game was in this situation, but for some reason she thought to herself, you know what would be awesome is if I got in the news faking that the flu virus.
It was 2010. Yeah, 2010.
I remember it was very much on the internet. Yes.
Yes. She, yeah.
She was an inside edition. It was 2010.
Okay. It was 2010.
But it's a very funny YouTube clip regardless. Yes.
You should watch it. It is a very funny YouTube clip.
All right, Billy. Well, thankfully, you guys only took one of my selections.
I made a whole list because when you go last, you got to make a whole list. Hot seat 49ers.

George Kittle has said he will go to training camp no matter

what, if they get his contract signed or

not. I'm on team pay George

Kittle. It's trending.
So hot

seat 49ers. You know what he

should do? He should just change his

position in his Twitter

profile. Like Jimmy Graham

tried to do after the fact. He should just call himself a quarterback.
Try to cash in on this Patrick Mahomes money. I got a couple more hot seats.
Oh, go ahead. Okay.
Hot seats. This is the last you're going to talk.
Perfect. Well, squirrels have the plague, so they're on the hot seat.
Why are we testing squirrels? Yeah. How did that happen? Did you get the bat, Billy? Oh, no.
So I decided that if the bats are living in my ceiling, most people run into bats because they have rabies. But if the bats are living in my roof, I'm running into them at a higher rate than other people.
So they probably don't have rabies. Why are we testing squirrels for a black plague? They have the bubonic plague, yeah.
Why, though? How do you determine if a squirrel is feeling sick or not, just by observing a squirrel? I'm not trying to be woke, but I'm just asking questions. Are they testing every squirrel? Or are they testing dead squirrels for all types of diseases? It seems a little convenient to me.
If a squirrel dies and just happens to have the bubonic plague, are we counting that towards bubonic plague statistics? Did someone walk by and was like, ooh, look at this squirrel. Looks like he died from the plague.

Let's test it.

No way.

Fair questions, right?

Good question.

Maybe they have testing centers for squirrels.

Why?

I would be okay with thinning out

the squirrel population a little bit.

There are too many squirrels.

I agree with that.

Britney Spears' dad is on the hot seat

because everyone thinks he's...

Free Britney is trending on Instagram

because they think Britney's being held against her will by her dad or something. Tom Cruise has her.
Or Tom Hanks, excuse me. Last hot seat is Jelaine Maxwell.
She's being sent to prison for one year. She's not going to be safe there.
Wait, what? Cool Throne meets her trial. Her trial's not up for a year.
Yeah, so she's got a lot of prison time. Fuck.
Fuck. Anyway.
What if Jelaine Maxwell gets fucking jacked in the next year? She just does nothing but prison yard workouts. Prisoner Maxwell.
Yeah, she shows up to court and she's wearing, like, sleeveless shirts. How do you pronounce her name? We've said it a billion different ways.
Gileon. Gileon.
Gilly? Glizzy? Gilly the kid. Dead.
Gilly... Jizzy Maxwell? Gislaine? She's going to turn into Super Maxwell Prison Ghislaine.
Okay. All right.
Anyway, Cool Throne Beef. Burger King's figured out how to reduce environmental impacts of cow farts by feeding them different diet.
Mason Ramsey. Yeah.
Was the spokesperson for it. Sweet.
Yeah. Friend of the program, right? Pretty cool.
How are they eliminating cow farts? They're feeding them different types of grass. I'm pretty sure it was like wheat grass or something.
They should just make the cows go on dates, and then they'll try real hard not to fart in front of the other cow. Good point.
Anyway, last school thrown that I had down, I thought you guys were going to easily take one of those. Has there ever been a better fart than the second you get out of a date? No.
And you get to your house, you get dropped off maybe, or you drop the girl off and then immediately just let it rip? A long car ride is up there, but yes. Joel McHale, that scene in Ted.
Yeah. He goes on a date with Mila Kunis and she walks away and he's just like, finally farts.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We're now writing the plot to Ted.

This is cool.

We're closer to Boner Dogs.

Yeah.

We just got to like, let Ted happen in our brain naturally.

And then we're like, okay, now we are dumb enough to finish Boner Dogs.

They're feeding them lemongrass, by the way.

So hopefully it doesn't get too tangy.

Last one is billionaires are on the cool throne because they made a bunch of money during COVID. Anyway, that's all.
B-words. Yeah, that seemed bad.
People of wealth. That seemed like that didn't really make sense.
Mm-hmm. It's just everyone got richer.
It's a lot of rice. I just was thinking about the rice.
Dude, the rice. Like.
A lot of rice. A lot of rice.
Yeah. Someone's going to have, I got to know how they're going to do it.
Yeah. What do you mean? The old, like, they showed the difference between a million and a billion with rice, and it was insane.
It's like every dollar, what was it? A hundred million and a billion, or what was it? I can't remember how they did it. There's 999, whatever, 9,900 million and a billion.
But it was like, they showed it in Rice. It was like this is – one Rice is $1.
Rice billion versus million. And they showed how big – it was a pile of Rice.
It was a million. Yeah.
And then the pile for a billion was massive. They were showing Jeff Bezos' worth.
Yeah. So here's another cool throne.
There's a lot of speculation. Maybe by the time this podcast comes out out something else will will happen in the news but there's a lot of speculation in dc that the redskins are uh the focus of a big investigation i don't know if that what's going to happen with it but there's there's some issues in the front office apparently allegedly no duh let me put it that way and i'm told Friday season? Yeah, it's a lot like the jeans Friday thing.

I'm told that the Washington Post is the ones that are investigating it.

I'm putting on my tinfoil hat.

Jeff Bezos has wanted to buy the Redskins for the last like three years.

Is this like a billion style coup?

Ooh, that's actually smart.

So it's not billionaires versus billionaires.

This is like mega billionaires versus billionaires. Right like this is like mega billionaires right right 120 billion which is fucking crazy dude just give us a billion jeff we'll be nice to you we can be bought what do you got billy well the washington post was throwing shade at the redskins for how racist their name is but they're named after a slave owner so that's true billy the washington of the reporting has.
There you go. You got him.
The reporting has led to how you feel about President Xi from China. You got him.
So they also expose him. So it's impossible to say if they're good or not.
Who knows? All right. Let's get to our interviews.
We got Willie McGinnis. Then we got Dungeons and Dragons.
Before we get to Willie McGinnis. We're going to get right back to the show.
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Back to part of my take. Okay.
Here he is. Willie McGinnis.
Okay. We now welcome on NFL Network analyst, three-time Super Bowl champion, and also recurring guest.
So welcome back. It is Willie McGinnis.
We appreciate you joining us, Willie. We're going to get to a bunch of stuff.
First, I want to talk to you about Be The Change, which you're working actually with our good friend Julian Edelman, which is to help get people to register to vote before the election in November. And you have two events coming up, right? Two events coming up in the next couple of weeks out in California.
Is that right? We have a bunch of events coming up. And one, unfortunately, had to be pushed back.
The one that was at the farm, Englewood area, because of COVID. And, to make sure that we were doing things right.
We just shut down again out here in California. We're going to do some stuff digitally and online until we are able to come together to have the big event.
Be the Change is just something that myself and Legends, Brian Athelizia are aware came up with. There's a lot of guys, you know, going out using their platforms, whether they were out there marching, protesting, using their, their Instagrams, their, their Facebook or whatever.
And we're, you know, we're talking and we want change, but being the change is actually going out there and voting and, and, and making that change change in your local governments or whatever and it's tough to get younger people especially in the inner city out of the house to go down and register to vote so we came up with something cool we're going to make these cool hoodies um julian is helping us out man he's spreading the word and i appreciate him and love him for that. There are a lot of different sports stars,

entertainers.

Snoop's a big part of this.

The Black Music Coalition.

There are a lot of sports organizations

in the NFL, NHL, MLS, NBA.

Everybody's coming aboard,

ad agencies to purchase these hoodies

and what we're going to do

when people actually come out

and register,

we're going to give them a hoodie, Be The Change hoodie. We're going to make them really nice and fashionable.
And that's my part, man, of teaming up with people and just actually trying to do something to be the change. I like it.
My only problem with that is when it comes to Julian Edelman, he's going to want a sweatshirt that just barely covers up his nipples and just like shows off the delts and traps a little bit yeah he's gonna want to show off his body a little bit so you should probably make like an ezekiel elliott size hoodie just for him to wear if you really want him on board with this you know you know him well man we we customized a lot of a lot of we gave him a lot of gear uh nice goodie bag so he's already posted on his story we probably have thrown back up so people can see it again but uh that's my brother man i i got a lot of love for him and i respect for him and uh he gets it man if you go if you want change you got to be the change you got to go out and do something okay so um obviously things have been weird because the coronavirus and everything that's going on um are you 100% confident sitting here right now that we're going to play NFL? I want to say I am. I mean, I'm not on the board.
My pay grade is not that high that I can tell you, hey, the season's definitely going to happen. But all indications point that there is definitely going to be an NFL season.
And we are preparing for that as the NFL, as the network that I work for, the league under the NFL umbrella that I work for. They're putting all the different protocols in place.
And everything that I'm told is that we are definitely having an NFL season. So just a little tip here.
Don't say the first part that you're not on the pay grade for it. You need to speak confidently about it because what's happening right now in society is a big game of telephone where you tell me that we're having nfl season then random people ask me because i'm an expert in their eyes which i'm not and i can confidently say yeah i was talking to william mcginnis we're having nfl so then eventually all of society is confident and then we don't even know who told us we're having it, but we're all having it together.
I got you, man. Like I said, those main decisions are going to come from the NFL office, but what we're preparing for and what we're telling everybody, that we are having a season, and that's what happening.
So I'm the messenger. Yes.
Have you seen those helmets that they're putting out that have the integrated masks in them that's supposed to, I guess, deflect a lot of the spittle and, like, you know, moisture that comes out of your mouth during the game? Like, can you imagine a player actually wearing those? It feels like it would be insanely hard to catch your breath in those things. Well, I mean, if you think about the shield that players wear, it covers the nose and the eyes and part of that too.
But if there's a shield, it's not like it's wrapped around your face and there's no air or circulation. So I have not seen it, heard about it, but like I said, they're taking all the precautions that are possible.
So if that's what it has to be, man, to make this season go and protect all the players and protect their families, then that's what we got to do. I'm on board with that.
How do you think Cam Newton is going to fit into the Patriot way? The Patriot way. See how you put that? It's not as a player, it's the Patriot way.
And that was one of the things that I wondered about. Cam is very smart.
Cam now has a huge chip on his shoulder, and he's in a position to go to a great organization and prove that he still can be Cam Newton, the MVP that we saw a couple of years ago. And I think like any other player, whether it's Corey Dillon,

Randy Moss, any other player, high profile player with a big ego and personality that's coming to our organization, they quickly find out it's about team. Team reigns over individualism.
No matter who you are, how big your personality is, how good you are, what draft pick, none of that matters. And players respect that.
They respect the fact that all the players in that locker room get treated the same, have the same treatment. Everybody's getting held accountable.
Everybody prepares the same. And the rules are in place for everybody.
There's no exemption. So I think he will respect that.
And I think he also respect that he's going to an organization that's had a lot of success without him. And he can be a part of something really good if he buys into it.
So who would you who would you think is going to go further in the playoffs this year if you had to put money on it right now? The Patriots or the Buccaneers? They're in different conferences, man, so they can both go far.

How about let's just have a Patriot-Tampa Bay Super Bowl,

and then that way we just break even.

We just split down the middle.

So if that happens, would you be rooting for the Patriots or your friend Tom Brady?

That's tough, man.

You know, that's tough.

You know, the Patriots, you know, New England's my home. Tom is my brother.
I don't know, man. I got it.
You know, whenever I watch these games and I got brothers on each team, I got to be unbiased because of my job. But that's the tough one, man, because you want to see them both have success okay so a tie in the super bowl and then

everyone gets a win um what were you surprised were you surprised at all that that uh tom brady

left new england did you see that coming that there was maybe a little i don't i don't know

if it was friction between belichick and brady but just hey we've been doing this for 20 years

time to move on kind of thing uh i can't say that I was surprised but what I can say is

I know that you know both sides wanted to work it out it just didn't happen that way

and I think the fact that Tom wanted some long-term insurance uh he felt like he had a lot

left in the tank that he was still playing at a high level and the fact that the Patriots probably

offered something that he wasn't comfortable with and you know he had to make a decision

Thank you. tank that he was still playing at a high level.
And the fact that the Patriots probably offered something that he wasn't comfortable with. And, you know, he had to make a decision.
And I left New England too and went to Cleveland. That's one of the toughest things for a player to do.
After a number of years, calling someplace home, this is where he's had all his success, all his friends, family. He's built that organization, helped build that organization, all his ties.
That's the toughest thing to do in the world. But at the end of the day, you've got to do what's best for you and your family.
And I think both parties understood that. It's a tough conversation that he had to go in and talk to Mr.
Kraft. He had to have that conversation with Bill Belichick.
And I guess they agreed to disagree and go their separate ways. I think Tom has been feeling some kind of way for the last couple of years that he's been wanting, you know, to get that reinsurance from the organization.
And maybe he didn't feel that way when the deal, when his deal came up, when he was a free agent. And sometimes with the patriots they move a certain way you can't be disrespected by it and you can't feel a certain way and i certainly went through that myself but you got to understand with them is business and i know you got the goat right here and you got the best player at that position ever but uh it was emotional and it it came down to two sides just not agreeing going forward.
So when you went out to Cleveland, when you decided it was time for you to move on from New England, was there a moment when you joined the team and you realized, wow, this is really a different way of doing things out here than they do in New England? And what was that moment for you? Oh, absolutely. I have some, you know, familiarity there with Romeo Cornell.
He was the head coach. He was my D coordinator.
So, you know, the only thing that I knew is it was a great organization. The fans love football out there.
Cleveland is the hub for football. And I knew I would know the defense inside out because my head coach was my coordinator at the time.
So that wasn't a problem. But when I got in the locker room, the culture wasn't there.
The mentality wasn't there. It wasn't team over individualism.
It was opposite. And we didn't have enough guys to buy into where Romeo Cornell was trying to put in place.
And that was for me, the discouraging part for my three years of being there. A lot of selfish guys, a lot of guys that didn't work hard.
A lot of guys that put themselves before the team and didn't really understand and want to learn what it took to be a playoff caliber championship team. And I think that hurt more than anything because you got a guy like me that that's all I know.
And I'm coming in and I'm trying to do all the things that I've been doing for the last 12 years. And you get a handful of guys that get it and buy in, but the majority of the guys that could really affect the team and make us better didn't.
And that was a problem. And it was some of our best players.
So you made headlines actually yesterday, I think it was, something similar that you can speak on saying, give Matt Patricia time in Detroit to build. Now the storyline that always the media runs with, and I think there's some truth in it, is when Belichick's guys go somewhere else, they want to have that culture that they had in in New England but there's not the Super Bowl success to back it up so it's a little bit harder of a sell do you think that's a fair thing to say when talking about a Matt Patricia or a Romeo Cornell in Cleveland where it's hard to sell to guys that this is the hard work you have to put in to get to the finish line if you've never been to the finish line I think it is.
And I think even when Bill Belichick came to new England, it was a rebuild. You know, he kept, he kept a few guys in the locker room that he knew fit the criteria and fit the mold mentality, physically, physically, or whatever the case may be.
You know, the tie law, myself, Troy Brown, Bruschi, Laurie Malloy. Like he had a handful of guys that he said, okay, I'm a build around these guys.
And then I'm going to go out and I'm going to shop. I'm going to draft.
I'm going to go in free agency and I'm going to put the other guys around them. And I think whenever you have somebody come from a successful program, the fans and people expect instant success.
And it's not an overnight process. It just doesn't happen like that.
Matt Patricia has won more than anybody in that organization. He knows how to win.
He's very smart. He's been in a lot of different systems.
So he's coached a lot of different guys, a lot of different ways. And when you have the knowledge of how to do something, now you need the pieces to execute.
His staff when he first got there wasn't even on board with how he coaches the preparation and mentality all the different things that all the other coaches in new england were all on the same all on the same line with so your coach has got to be on the same page and then the players if the players are not buying in and you see those players leaving out of there, if they're a distraction and they're not buying in, then how do you expect for them to go out on a football field and execute at a high level and play at a certain level? So people got to understand the game of football and how it works. You got to have the right pieces.
You got to have the mentality. You've got to be able to have time to build a culture.

And I know the NFL right now, everybody wants to come in and win right now.

It just doesn't happen like that.

And the teams that do, it's rare.

The teams that do, that's rare.

But how long does it last?

It's about consistency, you know, and it's about building.

And sometimes you're not afforded that. You know, you see coaches get fired in one year.

You're not afforded that time.

Yeah, I think a lot of people are forgetting about Judge going over to New York and adding on what you said the Giants feel like an organization that would be more willing to give time given how they've dealt with coaches in the past they might give them three or four years to rebuild this thing as opposed to just saying, okay, one or two seasons and you're out. But in your opinion, if you're looking at like this new crop of Patriots assistants that have gone out across the league, whose stock would you be buying more? Would it be Flores? Would it be Patricia? Or would it be Judge? Well, you didn't mention Billy O.
Billy O'Brien was there too, right? He was, you know, he's a quarterback coach and calling plays and working with, you know, with Tom. And he went to the Texans.

He's had a lot of success. He's been in the playoffs

I think three out of the five years or four out of the

five years. He's, you know, in the

last five years. So he's had a

lot of success.

As far as the competition,

like, you got to look at your staff.

You got to look at how much creative

control you're going to have with building your team. Do you have the ability to go out and pick your own players? Or do you have a GM in place that you have to run things through? So I think every situation is a little bit different.
Being in Miami, you know, Flores Bryant, he has somebody as a GM who understands that vision. You know, his dad, Greer, was in New England.
You know, Chris understands what it's going to take, and he has to have that patience. But you've got to get the right guys in there.
You see some of the best players that were in Miami, not in Miami anymore, because maybe they wasn't buying into what they were trying to push. And I think that's the difficult part to get the best players to the free agents to whatever everybody on the same accord to understand we're all equal we're all equal and it's just tough in the nfl these days so whether it's the patriot way whether it's what seattle built when they had sherman and all those guys buying into it, whether it's Atlanta, the Brotherhood, whatever you come up with, you got to create that.
And you got to have everybody on that roster buying into that. And if they don't buy into that, they shouldn't be on your roster.
So I'm always curious, you know, from a fan's perspective, how attached you are to your personal accolades or your personal records. Because I always assume everyone's a little bit selfish.
It's a team sport. It's the ultimate team sport.
But there's a part of you that's like, I want my records to stand. And you may not have even thought of this, but you have the record for most sacks in playoffs, in playoff history.
No one's even really close right now. Terrell Suggs is three and a half behind, but he's at the twilight of his career.
When they change the playoff structure to seven teams and only one bye, is there a small part of you that's like, shit, guys are going to have more chance to get games under their belt and possibly break this record and take this record away from me? The first part of your question is everybody wants individual success. And if you don't, you shouldn't be playing the game.
You should have that certain respect about yourself. You should always want to compete and be the best at what you do.
And if records and accolades come along with that, then that's great. That means you've accomplished something, but it should all fall under the realm of team.
And if you have team success, that means a lot of individuals are having success because they're playing at a high level. Now, as far as records, it's a single game sack record in the playoffs, and it's the overall sack record in the playoffs.
There's two. So my thing with this, records are meant to be broken.
But for me to have that record right now, to me especially, because I earned it. The other hard part about that record, guys, is you got to get to the playoffs.
If you don't get to the the playoffs then that individual record doesn't apply to you and you can't ever reach that so you have to do what you got to be on a good team so my record comes a way of being on a good team being able to get to the playoffs to have the opportunity to make big plays in the playoffs so however however you cook it up or you look at it, with mine, the team still comes first.

If the team don't go to the playoffs, those records don't exist.

I think you answered my question too by correcting me about having the individual game record

as well.

How many sacks was that?

Four and a half, I think, or five.

Against? Jacksonville. Okay.
And who was the quarterback then? It was Leftwich, and then I think they switched out to Gerard. Yeah.
Leftwich shouldn't count, though, because, I mean, he was so slow. Like every sack on him, that's the only count as half.
And Gerard had that cool hat, but not really anything else. We're going to count that as half a record.

I mean, Leftwich would take three seconds to throw the ball once he started his windup.

So that was like a field day for you.

Leave him alone, man.

He transitioned pretty good.

He's the offensive coordinator now for the Bucs.

He's doing all right.

He'll always have that all-time clip of his offensive line carrying him down the team,

winning a game on a broken leg.

That's sick as hell.

It's four and a half.

I'm looking it up right now. Four and a half sacks in 2005 against the Jaguars.
Yep. There you go.
And, yeah, there's a picture of you just basically. It looks like you're giving Lefwich a noogie.
Just bullying him. He was pretty fast that day, man.
He was getting away. That's the fastest guy you've ever seen that day.
Who was your favorite quarterback to sack? Probably Peyton Manning, man, just because he was so tough and so good. And he always got the ball off.
He always knew what you were doing. So when you got a chance to get Peyton Manning, that felt really good.
Did you ever sack Phillip Rivers? I don't know. I'm not sure.
I'm pretty sure I did. If I didn't, I don't recall.
You don't recall him on the field? Because he's famous for never cussing on the field, and he compliments you a little bit. He'll yell at you too, but he just won't swear.
I've never heard it. I've never heard him say a curse word.
He talks a lot of trash, but I never heard him curse. That almost seems more annoying to me.
I'd rather have a guy be like, fuck you, than a guy be like, go dang it. Yeah, and it doesn't stop.
The guy never runs out of air. That shit's constant all game long.
Yes. Alright, I had one last question.
We're talking to NFL Network analyst Willie McGinnis, three-time Super Bowl champion.

Again, he has got a great thing that he's doing with our friend Julian Edelman and a bunch of other people trying to get people to register to vote before the election.

It is called Be the Change.

So go look that up.

Willie's also posting on all of his social media,

at Willie McGinnis on Instagram and Twitter.

Do you know Urban Meyer?

Not well.

I know who he is.

We've said hello.

Okay.

So you're an ambassador to USC.

Have you worked that angle yet to get him to be the head coach of the Trojans

and restore some glory there?

Those conversations, I would say, probably happen.

I'm not officially on the staff. I am an ambassador with the football program.
I am around. I am active.
I am really close with the athletic director, the director of athletics, Mike Bone. And I'm also friends with the coaches that are there now.
Urban Meyer name has come up. I don't know if he was offered an interview.
I don't know if he wanted to interview, nor do I know if the university wanted to interview him. I know he's a great coach.
He's won a lot of football games. He has a lot of respect.
He's not coaching. So, you know, we'll see what happens in the future.
Right now, USC has a head coach. They have a lot of new coaches that they just hired.
And, you know, they're trying to put it together and figure things out right now. We need USC to be good again, though.
Because USC, like Pac-12 has just been out of the picture and USC not being good. It's always kind of a bummer because it's one of those historic programs that when they're in a game, it always feels a little bigger.
It is, man. And, you know, it's not about the Pac-12.
It's about national championships. You know, we need to set our sights higher and understand what USC tradition is or what

USC football is.

And I get there's a lot of new nuances to the game, but what wins football games is

being tough and physical in the trenches, dominating and taking the opponent's will.

And I think when you talk about USC football and all the players that come through that system and went on to the NFL, they carry that with them. And, you know, it's special.
You don't ever leave USC. It's a family.
I just think that we need to remember that, incorporate that back in these young kids, the young men that are coming in, develop them, teach them how to be young men and exist and do the right thing in the community, but also incorporating and instill what being a Trojan really means from the time they get there to the time they leave. So our goal is national championships, and we can go ahead and take the Pac-12 along the way, but the echelon should be national championships all day, every day.
Yes. All right, well, Willie, thank you as always.
Been fun to catch up. You're always welcome back on.
You're a recurring guest twice now. So we appreciate your time, and we appreciate you telling us that the NFL season is going to happen, which you said 100% Willie McGinnis guarantee it's going to happen.
And now we're going to tell everyone else that.

Okay.

Hey man,

do your thing.

I appreciate you guys.

Thanks so much,

Willie.

Appreciate it.

We're going to get right back to the show.

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USAA! All right, back to part of my take. And now, Dungeons & Dragons.
And now for something completely different. Okay, it is that time of the week.
Every other week, it is our good friend Tim Woods. We are continuing our Dungeons & Dragons adventure.
It's great to see you as always. Great to be here.
Can we do a quick recap? Absolutely. I think the short part of it is that Billy's in trouble, but you tell us exactly where we're sitting and who's up next.
Absolutely, for sure. So the situation is, yeah, Billy is in a little bit of trouble because Berserker Billy had, while we were in the village of Greenest, trying to stop the cult of the dragon from attacking the castle, Greenest Keep, as it were, that was being besieged by these cultists with their giant dragon

Lenathon.

Berserker Billy had successfully jumped on the dragon's back, gotten on her good side for the most part, and convinced her with a couple of really good rolls to kind of attack in between the armies, threaten everyone a little bit, but then eliminate the leader of the cultists before getting ready to turn upon his teammate. Upon reconsidering options, Berserker Billy decided to try to fly away with the dragon Lenathon and kind of join the cult.
But unfortunately, not before Norm, the barbarian, was able to leap up and pull Berserker Billy off of the back of Lenathon. Lenathon flew up in the air, gave a sad and sorry look back to her Goliath friend, but made no efforts to rescue him as she flew off, while the rest of the Cult of the Dragon has now fled from the village of Greenest.
And everyone is now, funny thing is their priority is celebrating how much we are all the heroes, but as they crowd in to thank us, it becomes very clear that they don't want to get in between us and Berserker Billy right now. Because just reading body language, they be aware that there is some tension at the moment.
It's but beyond, yeah. In theory, I do want to highlight that the turn order for today starts with Ehrlich of all the characters.
So Ehrlich would have a chance to kind of like intervene here or do whatever he wishes. I don't really trust him either.
But then Wayne would go, and then Norm would get to go before Berserker Billy has a chance to do anything. So that would be the turn order.
At this point, I would also highlight Sir O is rushing in and kind of putting a hand on Norm the Barbarian's shoulder saying listen uh we don't have time for whatever's going on here there's gonna be prisoners that that cult got away with real important right now we gotta rescue them go ligers okay all right so so so i was gonna ask that what is uh our mission outside of torturing billy and making him squeal what should we be focusing on but we're definitely gonna do the first part absolutely absolutely in theory it's becoming clear that right now the town of greenest is worried still because while the cult has fled they apparently fled with prisoners everyone else is celebrating but sir oh sir oh is paying attention and he is aware that right now this might be a small window of opportunity for us to follow the cultists to wherever they went and try to rescue whatever prisoners they might have brought back to their camp with them. He says they must be camped nearby.
Whatever you need to do here, we can throw Berserker Billy in shackles. We could, I don't personally condone torture.
Whatever you need to do between your teammates, you've got to work it out for yourselves. But there is also a Dwarven Cleric who we've seen rushing around healing people.
And that dwarf is also stepping forward. And he seems to have some ideas also on how you could get Berserker Billy helping you again.
That dwarf is saying, I've got some magic that if you need this wild card over here reined in, there's a spell I could put on him that would give you control over the Berserker. Just saying, that's an option too.
So I would ask Ehrlich at this point. Ehrlich, in theory, you've got the jump on everybody else here.
You just saw Norm get pulled Berserker Billy off the dragon's back. They both kind of landed on the ground, and it looks like they mean business.
Sir O is suggesting peace, but we can do whatever we like. What would you be thinking of doing? Attack Billy.
Yeah, let's fuck him up. If he's weak, I would like to finish the the job the players only meeting right now thank you for your suggestion coach oh yes we're gonna go after billy we're gonna go ahead and just noted hit option fuck him up he puts his hands up and he steps back sir i was not getting involved in this uh but ehrlich you have several options at your disposal i know that you have uh eldritch blast would be a very powerful attack spell that you could launch at Berserker Billy right now with no penalties.
That would be until he attacks you, your main Avenue for attacking him. Would you like to throw a Eldritch blast to him? Absolutely.
Yeah. In theory, absolutely.
I would blast him. Can you blast him up the ass? You can aim for that, certainly.
And if you roll a d20, you would have a plus four on your attack roll with this Eldritch Blast to go after Berserker Billy. Check that, Jake.
He got a six. He got a six.
Six plus four is going to be a ten. And checking Berserker Billy's armor class, Berserker billy you wear heavy chain mail and you wield a shield uh your armor class is pretty high a 10 is not hitting you until you see this charged up ball of fire being thrown at you by the normal no more luck you turn and you easily sidestep this attack so so far so good you are uh resisting the assault so far but wayne that would bring us to you next what's what's billy's uh what would you like to do uh what's billy's mental acuity like how easily tricked is he uh in theory spells that would mess with him he's somewhat resistant to because he has good wisdom but his intelligence is just average just checking his stats right now.
What if we exploited his love of dragons and we built a fake female dragon that was presenting herself to Billy and lured Billy over to the dragon? I get in it. Yeah, I'm saying like a Trojan horse.
We're inside of it. Yeah, so when Billy tries to make love to it, we just shoot out various orifices and attack him.
Can I build a fake dragon to entice Billy? I would let you use your minor illusion spell to create a fake dragon. It wouldn't be a super large dragon, but it would be a big enough dragon.
A rebound dragon. Billy's looking for a rebound relationship.
Absolutely. He got his heart broken.
An appealing, attractive dragon can appear thanks to your illusion magic. Are you making it appear around you and the barbarian? Yeah, I think it's around all of us, right? Yeah, and I'll go next and I'll pop out.
Yeah, so we're all inside this dragon, but Big Cat is closest to the hole. Like, my fist is right behind the dragon's mouth.
So when he goes in for the kiss, I'm going to fucking just smash him in the face. Absolutely.
So from inside this hologram, you can all see out of this dragon just fine. And you see Berserker Billy turn.
And at first, Berserker Billy, yeah, your eyes would widen because you see a dragon appear out of thin air. But make an intelligence check.
This would be a D20 plus zero for you and see if you can tell that this is an illusion. So I'm rolling? Plus zero because you're a fucking idiot.
On the record, I'm shielding my ass. It is intelligence.
Okay, you've already sidesteped. That's fine.
14. Plus zero though.
I am double checking what the number is that you need to get. Ugh, Wayne, I'm sorry to say, he is just barely able to tell that this is an illusion.
You can kind of see ripples on the surface. However, with that roll, I would say you can't see inside the dragon.
You're just aware it's a fake. But I noticed that you said that he can tell, kind of, that it might it might not be a real dragon but does he even care because he's just so like butt sprung over dragons that he just might be like you know what i'll take what i can get right in theory you're looking at this and it looks very realistic to you i have you can make whatever decision you want regarding this dragon but you do suspect something maybe a little uncanny about We we just need a little bit like a dragon so he starts thinking with little billy instead of big billy yeah absolutely absolutely you're you're maybe uh developing some thoughts about this dragon but norm you'd be up now before berserker billy goes what would you like to do okay i mean i i think i just gotta smash him right like we got to start weakening weakening him because he's about to go and try to fight back right so we have to just go full-on melee yeah like can i just smash can i smash him absolutely if you jump from out of the illusion i would actually give you advantage on this you'd be the one person to get advantage right now but you could roll two d20s and take the higher number.
I just asked before you roll, are you

also going reckless?

If you go reckless,

you gain a face.

You knew the answer to that, yes.

Absolutely, then I'm going to let you get

something called double advantage.

You can roll three d20s and you're taking

the highest one of all of those.

Okay, here we go. I got three rolls.

Give me that black die.

There you go. Roll, here we go.
I got three rolls. Give me that black die.
There you go. Okay.
Roll one. 13.
13. Roll two.
11. Why did you want that one? Is that weighted? No, I didn't.
Are you weighted die? Three, so 13. Not bad.
13. Okay.
So the 13 was the best of them, and with a plus five, that is an 18 total on your attack. As you swing your axe, an 18 is just barely a hit against Berserker Billy.
So you are dealing damage, and you are wielding a greatsword. I believe that is right.
So as you bring your great sword down upon Berserker Billy,

you got very good damage. It is a total of 14 points of damage.

I'm sorry to say to Berserker Billy.

Berserker Billy, your total hit points, if I can check those.

I'm sorry, I just said 14, yeah?

You have 17 total hit points.

Berserker Billy, you're already down to three hit points left. Wow.
Okay, wait, wait, wait. Yeah, you're basically dead.
I'm a cleric, right? You're basically dead. So Berserker Billy, that would then bring us to your turn.
You've seen Norm jump out of the giant pinata illusion dragon and attack you. He got a pretty good strike on that.
and you know you are brought down to your knee at least by the strength of that attack what would you like to do right now so i'm a healer right you are a healer so can i heal myself you can heal yourself i just will warn you about this healing yourself will be what you would do instead of attacking which makes you very useful to your teammates in combat but unfortunately means you have to make a choice. Are you going to fight right now or are you going to heal yourself to keep yourself alive? I'd also like to point out that if Billy tries to heal himself, he'll just buy some supplements from China that don't work at all.
Yes. Well, I think I'm going to be pretty useless if I don't heal myself because even if I kill one of them.
By the way, are we all in agreement that we just want to kill Billy, and then we'll have Jake be part of our crew? That's fine. Or torture at least.
No, I'd like him dead. I want him D-E-A-D dead.
Okay. Is there an escape option? So, Biserger Billy, I have to agree with your healing option being one of the best ones, but escaping is something that you could do after you either attack or heal yourself.
So you can still use a move to run for it. Granted, they would be able to chase you and still attack you unless you use your action and move.
So what are you going to do, bitch boy? How's my dragon friend doing? She's gone. Let her go.
She's stalling now. Disappearing into the distance, but you can still see her.
You could run after her. Okay.
So I could heal and run away. I will warn you, if you heal and run away, then they're just going to be able to also catch up to you and get attacked what's the point of escaping if they run after me? nothing you're dead just fucking eat it dude they could choose not to run after me? just fight back you're either going out like a man or you're going out like a bitch the choice is yours put up your fists and fight back if you focus on just running and not healing then you would get to run with your move and your action and then they wouldn't be able to chase you and attack you they'd just be able to chase you and essentially keep speed with you and you'd be running with them right behind you basically okay well you know what i it's fight or flight and i have no flight so so I think I'm going to fight back.
Great.

But can I do, like, semi-healing to get...

No, shut up!

Just either do it or don't.

You could either heal yourself or you could attack, and if you attack, I would warn you,

you can activate your war cleric ability to attack two times on your turn.

Okay, I just want to...

It's a choice between attacking twice or healing. I just want to try to kill Norm.
And if I kill Norm, then I'm the strongest. So that's the only thing I want to accomplish.
So I would like to kill to concentrate all my attacks on Norm. Go for it.
Absolutely. That means you get 2d20 rolls and you have a plus 4 when attacking with your war hammer.
So what's Norm's hit points? Norm's hit points, fair is fair, I'll check that for you as well. Norm's got a hefty 23 hit points.
It's going to be tough. I have to warn you also that you know that Norm is raging and takes half damage.
This is... Okay, so I'm really in a no-win situation.
Almost like a situation that you made yourself when you tried to kill us. Well, you know what? Is there any way I can do suicide? You thought we were going to take your side in fighting ourselves? Let's just remind people that Billy on the last episode tried to kill us.
This is not unprovoked. I just tried to kill Norm because I want to show I'm the strongest.
It was the start of a battle against everybody. I have no beef with you.
You thought I was just going to let my man sit out there and get attacked? Come on, dude. Well, he hasn't been the best to all of us.
I think he's been pretty good. The only person I've been mean to is you because you're weak.
Okay, you know what? I'm just going to attack him and then... Billy, I also want to let you know one other thing.
If you substitute your Warhammer attacks for one attack spell that you have, you have the ability to reach out and inflict wounds on someone, basically rotting their body away with death magic. So that would only be one attack.
It's all riding on a single roll. Okay, let's do it.
If you hit Norm with that, it's much more powerful. Billy, I want to put out maybe an alternative situation here.
What if you just went after an enemy, a common enemy of ours right now, and you tried to get back in our good graces by taking out somebody that we're going up against, that we'll have to kill? Okay. Is there an option like that? You do see many cultists still trying to flee from out of town, who the townsfolk are throwing rocks at and stuff.
You could rush after one of them and hope that your team is merciful if you do that. I mean, it'd be great, honestly.
One way to get back on our good side is to help us fight this bigger battle because we don't want to be wasting our time with you. We want to win the game.
We want to get a kill screen. And hope that your teammates are merciful.
I don't think they're going to be merciful. I want to win the game, Billy.
Are you guys going to be... I'm going to go...
I'm just going to attack Norm with one big dice roll. He's doing the black death.
I take the roll. I take one roll.
So all of a sudden, dark energy coats Norm's hand or Berserker Billy's hand. And we all hear the bellowing of Kavaki somewhere in the sky.
Kavaki the Ram Lord. Now think about this.
I'm more confident that you guys would not give me any mercy. No, you're right.
You are 100% right. So it's the right choice.
And I ain't you go. I would have crushed you.
And I ain't no bitch. Okay, one, two, three, roll, and it's a 12.
Not great. 12 plus four is what you would add to your attack spell.
So a 16, and against Norm. Norm, I'm sorry to say your armor class is a 14, so that's a hit against you.
Okay. And I will roll the damage to see how much damage you are

taking now. It is gonna be

a lot though as it seems like

all this black energy

spreading along your arm, rotting

away your flesh. It seems like it's

already 13 plus

3. 16 damage

in all. And you say it was half because I'm

reckless right now? So here's the thing.

Normally raging, you take half damage from weapons, not from spells like Inflict Wounds. Let's go, strong guy.
I'm fine. Come on, strong guy.
You had taken 16, so you're at 6 out of 16. Let me make a little note of that.
And then you are at, I think, 3 or 4 right now. He's at 3.
No, I'm at seven. I had 23.
I'm at, yeah, I'm seven. You're at seven.
That's absolutely right. Exactly.
But you don't 16 damage. Good call if you want to write those down.
All right. Perfect.
Awesome. Good job, Billy.
Fucking idiot. And so, Berserker Billy, that's your turn.
And the area is the end of your turn. Can I just kill myself? Coach gotta stop fighting guys we gotta worry about those prisoners that'll bring us back to you what would you like to do is there like is there anything like a little different than attack like some you know like uh pull his eye eyelids off or like something where it's like he's gonna be alive but he's gonna be in a lot more pain forever yeah i like to get his eyelids off and then make him go hang out with his yeah like maybe we could take off both of his legs and then keep going with him so he's just permanently in pain but not dead i'll say this you could leap at him at this point with your dagger and your dagger could probably deal enough damage to finish off berserker billy so you could attack with a dagger, and if you knock him out, then at that point you have a lot of liberty to do whatever kinds of torture you are hoping to do to his body.
Knock him unconscious. Is there something I could do? Because I feel like it's only right to let Big Cat or PFT deliver the final blow.
No, no, no, no, please. I just want him dead.
I just want him dead and out of the game. All right, I'll dagger him.
I'll kill myself. I'll kill myself.
I don't care. Absolutely.
If you roll the d20 plus four, that is your dagger attack bonus. Ten.
Ten total? Ten total. No, ten plus four.
Ten plus four. Plus four, absolutely.
So 14 is not quite a hit against the Derser. You're punching at him.
You're a gnome, so it's like you try to jump up, grab his belt, and then pull yourself up onto his shoulder to get him right in the eye, and he knocks you free and throws you back. Wait, aren't I a warlock? Small body.
You are a gnome warlock, yes. And you're kind of using a ritual knife, a ceremonial warlock knife.
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What if we just cut Billy's tongue out and then he's just not allowed to talk or say his turns and we have to control him that way. We have to interpret for him.
Deary Wayne, it is now your turn. If you have a sword that could do that quite effectively.
Small body. Yeah, I just like to fuck him up.
Honestly, I just like to kill Billy. Whatever attack gets me closer to murdering Billy, that's the one I want to do.
Absolutely. Looking at your weapons, you do have a sword called a rapier, a fencing sword.
There's a very sharp blade. You could pull that out and you could attack him with a plus four on it.
Yes. I would like to do that.
I would like to take my sharpest weapon and put it in the most sensitive part of Billy's body and kill him. Absolutely.
He's obviously trying to block your attack right now. So if you get a critical hit, you will hit him right where you

were hoping to hit him. That's if you get

a 20. Otherwise, the higher you get,

the closer you got to his vulnerable.

Okay, so what am I at? I'm at a plus 4?

Is that what you said? Plus 4, exactly right.

Come on, PFD. Here we go.
Here we go.

7.

Come on! 7 plus

4 and 11. He's got good armor.

His hide is all

rock, and this attack is not getting through.

You're trying to stab him in the mouth, and he just

Let's see strong guy. All right.
I guess I got to do it. You guys have not helped me.
God damn it. We got to kill this fucking loser.
I want Jake in this game. All right.
Kill him. I want to kill him.
You can roll a D20 plus five if you're a great sword attack. All right, what do I need here? What do I need? If you get under like a 14.
No, he just barely got him with an 18. So 18 was the magic number last time.
I will ask again an important question. Are you going reckless at this point? That means I get another roll, right?

I get two rolls?

Yeah.

I'll go reckless.

I'll go reckless. So, yeah, what is the Elam ending here?

What point total do we have to get on the dice to eliminate him?

Yeah.

I'm going to get out of this.

You got a plus five on this, and you need to get an 18 to hit him.

So, a 13 or higher on this.

Okay, so I get two rolls, 13 or higher.

You get a 13 or higher.

Here we go.

Dude, I might kill you, dude. No, you're fucking dead.
12! 12! That's a weighted die! That's a weighted die! That's a weighted die! You're fucking dead, you bitch! You're dead, Billy. Get out of here! Fuck! Get out of here! You're dead.
You are dead. Didn't even need my second roll.
Billy, I'm sorry to say you just took 16 points of damage, which I'm just double checking whether that is. It's not an insta kill, but it is enough to take you down to the ground and you are knocked out, at which point people can just decide whether they're bringing you up or not.
You're unconscious. Can we draw on his face? Yeah, let's humiliate him.
Now, Berserker Billy, there's actually one chance you still have. As Norm's turn finishes and your turn comes, you need to roll a d20.
And if you get a 9 or higher or less, a 9 or less, you slip closer to death. If you get a 10 or higher, you're doing okay.
And if you get a 20, you actually wake up and you get your whole turn. Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Still a chance right now. Now, if this is weighted, you're going to have to death.
If you get a 10 or higher, you're doing okay, and if you get a 20, you actually wake up and you get your whole turn. Oh! Now, if this is weighted, you're going to be in trouble.
We have a weighted 20-sided dice. I'm rolling the black dice that Big Cat asked for earlier.
Well, you were rolling. No, that doesn't count.
That's a 6. 9! It's a 6! The.
It's a six. It's a six.
It's a nine. It's a six.
No, the dot is down there. The dot is at the bottom.
No, you're showing that long. No, that was a one.
I did. That's a nine.
That was a six. It doesn't matter.
I don't even think it matters. It doesn't matter, right? He's just dead.
The dot is at the bottom, and unfortunately, that means he is slipping closer to death. If someone hits you with a weapon at this point,

Berserker Billy, the character, is officially dead.

And at this point, we see from the walls

an elf wizard waving at us.

And this will be Billy's character

if Berserker Billy dies, is in theory,

this very frail-looking elf wizard

with a book on his back.

Wait, wait.

So if I die, I become a frail elf wizard?

No, you're dead, and you're never playing this game again.

Yeah, and Jake is sitting in your seat,

and Jake is going to be the new reporter

Thank you. with a book on his back.
So if I die, I become a frail elf wizard? No, you're dead. And you're never playing this game again.
And Jake is sitting in your seat, and Jake is going to be the new reporter guy that we have. And then someone's going to build a statue to memorialize you, and we're going to tear that down.
We're going to fucking kill that as well. That, in theory, is the elf wizard is the reporter character.
Yes. He's got a lot of papers on him.
He's got some glasses on him. It looks like he's been recording this whole thing for history's sake.
And he gets on my Twitter. So whoever's controlling that elf character, they'll be the next person to show up.
But if Berserker Billy rolls that two more times, or if somebody so much as swings one weapon at his prone body, then that is the end of Berserker Billy's story. And he hasn't woken up, unfortunately.
So that brings us to Ehrlich. Ehrlich, you're standing over him with a knife right now in your hand.
And this would not be the first time that you as a warlock have probably, like, ritual sacrificed someone.

So you're like a pro at this kind of job.

Not my first radio.

All right, so I'm rolling.

Absolutely.

If you want to attack him on the ground, it's very easy.

You roll with advantage.

And if you hit him, then that is the final blow against Berserker Billy in that case. What's the advantage? Sorry, the advantage is you roll two times and take the higher number.
Oh, thank God. All right, I got a three the first time.
Okay. 20.
No, check that. Check that.
Yes. Check it.
I trust. And in in that case the gnome Has definitely done this before I think And you just reach down And slowly How do you want to kill the zirker billiard Describe it very slowly Hold on Describe it slowly And really take your time on how you're going to kill him I would would like to go ear, take the ears off first, then the eyeballs, then the nose, and then just slit his throat.
Oh, yes. Does that play? What if you gave him the Colombian necktie and wrapped his tongue around his neck and strangled him with it? Yeah.
It's your call, Hank. I said it.

I said it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Give it to him.

All right.

Then you see grayish-reddish blood flowing forth from the Goliath's form as it seems

like his life leaves his body, and Berserker Billy goes cold before you.

I believe also, Ehrlich, you have an ability where you actually, you don't reap the

So, let's go. his body and berserker billy goes cold before you i believe also erlich you have an ability where you actually you don't reap the souls of people you kill but you get extra hit points from them so you feel a little charged up as you deal the killing blow to the cleric of kavaki but he lies dead before all of you now and the whole town was watching and they go villagers are like pretty horrified by what they just witnessed yeah can my soul flip off the crowd no See you, Billy.
You're done. Wait, I'm actually out?? Yes Jake's in Oh Do I like leave the room? No you can sit on the couch Okay You're dead You should never have tried to cross us Now we should We should make Jake write a history of what just happened But have Billy be like a pedophile in the history books He's the best friend of Jeffrey Epstein Yeah so We had to kill Billy because of his crimes against humanity Jake opens up a binder, and it's just all full of pictures of Gilly Maxwell and Billy Berserker hanging out at parties.
From now on, for all of recorded history, people refer to the devil as just Billy. Yes, yes.
Welcome, Jake. Thank you.
I will first of all say, Jake, excited to have you. This is very great.
And I'll also just throw it there for saying goodbye to Billy uh at the very least I'd put out the offer that if a particular monster catches our attention and we'd like Billy to get to roll for that monster or even to take on some decision making for that monster I'd be happy to give Billy a monster now that unfortunately he's lost his character and been retired from the game. But Jake, welcome.

Glad to have you. And I'm very excited, you know, to hear what kind of a character you'd like to play.
But so far I do have this elf wizard prepared who is a great spellcaster, historian, and master of knowledge of all things magical. They are a little bit intelligence focused compared to some of the other characters that we have in play.
But that means that you can do the best job like rolling knowledge checks to find out secret information about things and places that we go to yeah to be honest the uh physical description you said with the glasses was really spot on so i think we're on the right track i love it fantastic so your character and at some point i will ask what is your elf wizard's name but you can take some time on that. You don't have to have an answer right now.
But they've been, you know, hanging out in the village of Greenest, probably for a lot of reasons, didn't leave this castle when it was under attack. And you've just seen this party of adventurers come riding into town, save the day, and then apparently hold one of their own accountable for treason and executed him before the whole town's eyes and you're going to be able to record everything about this town's reaction of horror to this although it seems like reluctantly at first and then increasingly the town is gathering in closer uh they want to like remove the body of berserker billy but then otherwise thank the rest of us for driving off the dragon driving off the cultists saving the town and uh there is uh one young man who i'm gonna say to the bard definitely but you record this all happening uh wizard uh but to uh our bard wayne uh he just approaches you and it's a young man maybe a teenager and he says hey i just just want to say it was really entertaining what you did.
I had a really good time watching you guys. I just want to, and he reaches into his pocket and he pulls out a healing potion and he just hands it to you.
And then he just walks off, says nothing else. He just walks away and hands you this healing potion.
And it's warm. It's like warm.
Healing potions aren't supposed to be warm. So you've now got at least one free healing potion as a reward from this town.
So that seems to be like what they wanted to give you just free of charge. And we can do whatever we want at this point.
But the finishing blow is delivered by Ehrlich. So, Wayne, the celebration is beginning.
It's a little dampened by the death of Berserker Billy. Otherwise, the town is pretty excited to celebrate their survival, at least.

Okay, so with the healing

potion, my good friend Norm the Barbarian,

he's injured, right? Can I give it

to him to shotgun? Yes.

You know, you absolutely could give it to him to shotgun.

He can totally drink it right now

and he would regain

a total of

going to be about seven hit points in all. Not that much, unfortunately.
Okay, still helps. A little bit better than you were doing.
And once you rest tonight, you will be back up to full hit points and full spell slots for everyone with the exception, of course, of our deceased characters. Great.
Okay. Thank you.
That was a delicious bush light. You're welcome.
So what's the game plan here, guys? What should we do? We got to figure out, we got to go, there's a goblin that's fucking around with people, right? Well, no, they said they took prisoners, so we have to find... They took prisoners back to the cult camp.
And in fact, Wayne, you see one person in particular on a crutch, seems like a guy with a shaved head is kind of limping around camp saying, like, we need, please, the prisoners. And he's really riled up about the prisoners.
He seems to be like, I lost somebody. My master, you keep hearing him say, my master, Leozan, was captured by the cultists.
They're camped somewhere nearby here. And Coach Sir O is tapping him on the shoulder like, it's okay, I'm putting a group together.
And you know, he has his eyes on you. He's hoping that when you're done partying, maybe after resting tonight, you'd be ready to set out to try to rescue these prisoners.
Yeah, let's go. Let's go for Leozan.
That guy sounds like bad news. Absolutely.
So you're looking to go save. It sounds like this one guy is saying his master, Leozan, was gone.
You can ask him more about that if you want. But otherwise, you can just set out right right now or you could set out the next morning when we've all had a chance to heal.
I'd like to ask what relation Leozan has to this guy as a master. What is his significance in this story? Absolutely.
Go right ahead and roll a persuasion check on him. That's going to be a D20 plus five for you.
I got 13, so 18 total. I'm sorry, it's actually a plus four.
So you got a 17 on that, but still very good. And he says, well, my name's Pilo, and I'm a young monk in training.
And he tries to put the crutch to the side and do like a kung fu stance, kind of. It's obvious that he is trained in martial arts, but he does not really have the ability with his broken leg in a splint to effectively fight right now, it seems.
And he says, I got hurt during the attack by the cultists, but my master Leozan, he is a member of a group called the Harpers. The Harpers are a secret society throughout the world of Faerun, and we keep our eyes on evil people like the Cult of the Dragon.

My master has been spying on this cult for quite some time,

and he has valuable information on how this cult could be defeated.

Unfortunately, they've taken him as a prisoner.

I think he thinks he's still spying on them,

but he's only got a matter of time before they execute him. If you could rescue my master, that would mean so much to me.
I feel like we go rescue him. Do we rest up for the night? Get some shut eye? I'm down for whatever.
I mean, I feel like everyone's on a high right now after killing Billy. There's like an extra jolt of energy.
That's right. Hank just got beefed up from him.
Hank gained his mass and all his protein. I'm feeling okay.
Okay. Hank got like three extra hit points, and unfortunately the only injured person we have right now is Norm, who's maybe not too worried about that.
Yeah, no, I'm fine. Strongest one.
Okay, so yeah, let's roll out. Yeah.
Let's go see what's going on, try to rescue Leonson. Let's do it.
Absolutely. Pilo is so excited that you are going to go investigate this right now without even resting.
He thinks that's very heroic of you. If you have any other questions for him, you are more than welcome to ask.
You've got a good role. But if you are setting out, then we can start traveling following the trail of this cult.
And as we follow their massed footprints of this army of like 200 cultists and drakes and kobolds who had been fleeing

into the wilderness it becomes very clear that up ahead there is a watchtower of some kind

and it looks like there is at least one human in a dragon-shaped helmet who's up there keeping an

eye out with a spyglass we also i'm going to say can see from kind of the tree line that he has at

least one kobold next to him but we don't know how many people are up in that watchtower exactly, but we do know the cult camp seems to be up ahead right now. So is it me or you, Pity? So it's Norm's turn now, actually.
Norm, what would you like to do? Can I throw a rock at the dude standing in the window? Absolutely. You could try to throw a rock at him for sure.
Yeah. In this tower, it's kind of looking out over the trees.
It has plenty of open window space. You could chuck a rock in and knock him out possibly.
I'd warn you then the kobold would probably see that happen. Are you trying to do it in a way that the kobold wouldn't see? Those are little lizard bitches.
Yeah, we have one, right him up there oh we have bob costa and would he have come with us yes yeah throw him can i throw him knock the dude out and then he can be like yo kobold if other kobold if you want to survive fucking listen up we're about to roll on these idiots absolutely in that case yes you could use him as a projectile and that would hopefully knock out the human and then he can uncurl from his cannonball position talk to them go ahead and roll if you're raging when you do this you can roll with advantage you have two rolls okay what am i looking for here you're looking for at least a 15 to hit this guy, you think. You have a plus 5 on this.
Two times, and you're trying to get a 15 or higher probably. 7.
14! 14! And that was 14 after the plus 5 or before the plus 5? 14 before the plus 5. So 19 total.
Yes, you throw Bob Costa up there and he just collides with that human's head. Ah, and they both get really hurt.
The human gets knocked out and falls to the ground. Bob Costa, because you rolled just well enough, is lying on the ground with his eyes flickering slightly.
A 20 would have kept him fully awake, but as he passes out, since you got a 19, he just says, it's cool. It's's cool and you hear the chittering of like four kobolds up there just trying to figure out like what was this guy's deal why did he just jump in here and knock the human out he's he's a weirdo but they don't think that this is a threat necessarily and they seem to be focusing on bob costa now he's just mostly unconscious now at this point, unfortunately.
But it does seem like now we could just try to maybe sneak right by this watchtower potentially. And so that would be a nice segue to get us to the elf wizard's turn.
So elf wizard, I would let you know at this point, would you have let this, in theory, you could, of course, do whatever you want in town. Or you could follow this group back to the cult's camp.
Would you have made it – if you were following them, would you have made it clear that you were following them, or were you following them, like, secretly? You know, as journalists, you're really supposed to be transparent with the subject. So I don't want to go behind their back.
You've got to do everything ethically. That's smart.
Smart. That's a great call because you're not the sneakiest necessarily.
So that's pretty good to be upfront and honest about it. So I would say that you can approach them in the woods.
You hear who this is, an elven historian from town who is joining your party. And you have seen them sneak up to this watchtower and apparently distract the people in the watchtower.
Would you want to start approaching the camp and getting a better view of it? Yeah, that would be great. You always want to have the best view possible.
Absolutely. In fact, since you said that, I just highlight you're sneaking past the watchtower.
You hear these four kobolds poking Bob Costa, the kobold up there, but they're not paying attention to you. But that watchtower would be the best viewing point, you think.
But up ahead, you can still clearly see a whole lot of tents. Some of the tents are big.
Some of the tents are small. There are humans and kobolds all around these tents.
And some of the tents seem to have cook fires nearby nearby looks like a lot of these cultists are cooking dinner after their big battle uh with all of us in the in the town and you can see in the distance one really big tent that has extra nice red and gold insignias of dragon heads on it and just beyond that tent there's a cave entrance that leads into the wall of like a kind of canyon cliff side. So what you're looking into is a kind of valley where all of the cultist camp is splayed out in front of you.
There are way too many cultists for us to fight alone. That much is clear to you.
What would you like to do here? So to be clear, it's either go on the watchtower or right through their camp, correct? In theory, yes, unless you've got a better idea. And in theory, you're not the best at like disguising yourself or any of the things that might be like tricky for getting your way through the camp.
It's a little noisy up in that watchtower. Should you go up there and shush them and say, hey, there's no bickering in the press box? I could do that, or I can get a floor view of everything happening in front of me.
See what's happening in the town from a close-up angle? Yeah. Your call, Jake.
I'll say this. You could, if all you want to do is focus on finding out more information around here, you could roll a perception check, and that would tell you more hidden things that might be around here.
Or you could try to clear out the watchtower to get a better view that way. And I just say as the wizard, you have the most options for hitting lots of people all at once.
You could climb that watchtower and do a sonic boom spell where you clap and instantly everybody around you is just thrown out of the watchtower

basically that sounds fun let's do that that's a very good one absolutely if you climb up the watchtower all of the kobolds are distracted by bob costa so as he's lying there i'm gonna say he's a mute are you trying to hit him with this spell that our unconscious kobold friend or are you trying to save

his life? I think we save him.

Yeah, absolutely.

You see full... Are you trying to hit him with this spell, our unconscious kobold friend, or are you trying to save his life?

I think we save him. Yeah, absolutely.
Save him. You see four other kobolds who are all not looking at you as you let off your thunder wave spell.
It's like a whoosh, throwing everybody back, a blast of wind. And they roll two times and take the lower number.
and because of the disadvantage that they had for being surprised by the barbarian's throw,

you... and they roll two times and take the lower number.
And because of the disadvantage that they had for being surprised by the barbarian's throw, and you see the unconscious human up here as well, you clap your hands and all of the kobolds, all four of them, go flying out of the tower, crashing down below, unconscious or dead. The tower is now cleared out and you can clearly see all of the camp before you all of the dozens of tents the cook fires the big what you think is like a command tent where the leaders might be and you can see the cave entrance but now you can see two other things as well you can see behind one of the smaller tents all of these five people who look like they are tied with their hands behind their back to poles, big like tent poles that have been driven into the ground when they're tied by their hands so that they can't escape.
It looks like five prisoners more or less unconscious with kobolds poking them.

And the other thing that you notice is that up on one of the mountain ridges nearby, there is a dragon who is lazily sleeping and scratching her chin occasionally and then like turning her head over and sleep. But she's sound asleep right now.
But this is the blue dragon Lenathon that you can see. Whoa.
Should we leave it here? Should we stop here that we just stumbled upon a dragon? Seems like a good stopping point. Because otherwise we're just going to attack the dragon.
Yeah, and then start a whole thing. And, I mean, it's the perfect place to end.
We literally just found another dragon that our dearly departed friend, Billy the Berserker,

would love to try to fuck.

Unfortunately, he's no longer with us.

I might try to fuck this dragon. Yeah, you know what? We should all

try to fuck this dragon. Just for

fun. Yeah, it's such a great time.

Next week, we're going to fuck this dragon in the name of Billy.

Absolutely. It does seem like this

is the dragon who Billy

had become friends with so yeah

we're we're now gonna get out perfect perfect all right seems like we're yeah right in there

all right tim thank you as always it's been fun we'll see you in a couple weeks uh appreciate it

man such a pleasure as always take care everybody thanks tim, Tim. See you, Tim? Take me on me Take me on I'll be gone in a day or two Needless to say,'m odds and ends But I'll be stumbling away Slowly learn It's okay Say after me It's all better to be safe inside.

Take me.

Take me.

I'll be gone in a day or two

In a day or two What was that?

Nothing.