Luke Bryan, Woj Suspended, And Soup Tube Is The Greatest Invention Ever

Speaker 1 Hey, pardon my take, listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
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Speaker 1 On today's part of my take, we have Luke Bryan.

Speaker 1 First country music guest? first country music guest.

Speaker 3 I believe so.

Speaker 1 First country music guest on the show. We're breaking some barriers.

Speaker 5 He recorded that song with Walker Wheeler.

Speaker 3 That's true.

Speaker 1 He did record that song Walker Wheeler. Yeah, it's not.
He's a parody of a country saying, you know, this is a real bona fide country music star. So first

Speaker 1 for everything.

Speaker 1 Very fun interview. Dude, just knows how to name songs straight up.

Speaker 1 We have Woge, Free Woge, hashtag free Woge trending. Woge got suspended.
We have bubble trouble, who's back of the week, and a Monday reading.

Speaker 6 When cool, creamy ranch meets tangy, bold buffalo, the whole is greater than the sum of its sauce. Say howdy, partner, to new Buffalo Ranch sauce only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Speaker 3 At participating, McDonald's.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's go.

Speaker 1 Now in the streets, there is violence.

Speaker 1 And then I love the song of work to be done.

Speaker 1 No place behind a low-washing.

Speaker 1 And then I can't blame all on the sun. Oh no, we're gonna rock down to E-Lay Trick Avenue.

Speaker 1 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're gonna rock down to Elite Trick Avenue. It's part of my tape presented by

Speaker 1 School Sports.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Part of My Tape presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now.
Use code Barsley. You get $10 for free, $10 to ASPCA.
Today is Monday, July 13th.

Speaker 1 I don't.

Speaker 1 This Woge thing is so fucking annoying. Yeah, well, he's all I got.

Speaker 3 So he's suspended. And what's interesting is, like, how do you suspend a guy whose job it is to just like spread information? Is he not allowed? Is Woge, like, is he muzzled? Can he not tell us?

Speaker 1 No, he can't tweet.

Speaker 3 He's not allowed on Twitter?

Speaker 1 Well, I'm pretty sure that's part of the suspension. I assume it's a Bobby Bowden, old-school Bobby Bowden first-quarter suspension.
Like, hey, let's let our

Speaker 1 star quarterback, he can't play for the first drive against Furman in September. That's kind of suspension.
So, Woge doesn't, Woge didn't get suspended by ESPN. He went to ESPN.

Speaker 1 He's like, here's how long I will allow you to suspend me.

Speaker 3 I'll put it this way.

Speaker 3 If we enter like week two in the bubble and Dwight Howard's Anaconda kills him in his sleep, is Woj allowed to tweet that out in the morning or does he have to sit on it and wait for Ari Abraham to steal it from him?

Speaker 1 I think he's uh I think he's gonna be suspended for like two days. I think he'll be back in two days.
Listen, the whole thing is

Speaker 3 a bird from singing, you can't stop a rattlesnake from rattling, you can't stop Woge from dropping Woge bombs.

Speaker 1 It's the worst type of

Speaker 1 worst element of like the internet where everyone just yelling at each other and no one actually cares about any of this shit, but they're all grandstanding to care about it.

Speaker 1 So it's like the what about China?

Speaker 1 And then also being like, well, Wode should be suspended, but

Speaker 1 the whole thing sucks. I don't know.
He just said, fuck you. He should have said fuck you.
That was a dumb thing to do. That's kind of a hilarious thing to do.
It was hilarious to do.

Speaker 1 Fuck you in an email is a hilarious thing to do. He was getting trolled and

Speaker 1 he let himself get trolled.

Speaker 3 It showed that his skin is a little bit too thin. He got trolled.
So it would have been one thing if he replied fuck you to any congressman or senator that sent him like a direct question.

Speaker 3 That's always hilarious to cuss at a senator. I think we can all agree on that, regardless of the party.
I know that Hank wouldn't cuss. Would you cuss at AOC?

Speaker 1 Which one? Okay, which

Speaker 3 the senator or the congressperson.

Speaker 1 The one at DePaul? Is he at DePaul?

Speaker 5 Creighton. Creighton.

Speaker 1 Creighton, that's right. Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 3 But what I'm saying is no to either. No to either.
Good take. So you could respond to AOC in general.

Speaker 1 Directly.

Speaker 4 You have the initials AOC. I'll ride or die with you.

Speaker 3 There you go.

Speaker 3 You could reply to any email directly sent to you by saying fuck you and saying fuck you to people is always cool Right, but when you reply to like a chain PR email that got sent to like 500 other people on the listserv with a fuck you that's just bad email mail well, but Woj is an idiot for getting trolled, but also the fucking rat snitch being like look what woge did to me.

Speaker 1 That's also lame. Mm-hmm.
That's also a fucking lame ass move by that.

Speaker 3 The reality is everybody in the world, or at least in the United States right now, is a huge fucking hypocrite. And they're all narcs and they're losers.
Because

Speaker 3 you know what I'm typing on right now? I'm typing on a computer.

Speaker 3 I'm typing on a phone that was probably assembled in communist China in one of those buildings that they have to put nets on the outside to prevent people from jumping off to their death. It sucks.

Speaker 3 It's just like that's the environment that we're in. And right now, Verbal Meme, NBA on TNT, they're doing the Jordan Peel sweat thing.

Speaker 3 All the sweats pouring down because they're like, I hope nobody asks us about China.

Speaker 1 Well, and also, the weird part about this is not, I could kind of understand if you want to be like, LeBron might be a little bit of a hypocrite for like completely shutting down the like, let's not talk about China.

Speaker 1 We make a lot of money. Woj doesn't talk about politics.
He just reports the news.

Speaker 3 In fact, Woj smashed that like button on Daryl Maury's tweet back like eight months ago. You remember that when Daryl Mori was the one that brought this all to light? Yes.

Speaker 3 Woj smashed the like button on that, indicating that he was supporting what Daryl Mori was saying. So like, yeah, Woj probably should not have replied to this email with fuck you.

Speaker 1 Probably felt good, though.

Speaker 3 Probably felt good in the moment that he sent it because it's always good to tell somebody to fuck off. But now he's just, I guess, Shams is just taking over the world.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I will. I think Shafter is going to sneak in here, too, because the ESPN, like, is probably, Shafter probably called up Jimmy Petaro and was like, hey, heard Woach suspension.
I'm ready.

Speaker 3 No, this is Ari's time to shine. Ari, Abraham.
I know you've been laying low for the last year. Now's your time, buddy.

Speaker 1 I'm also willing to donate Leroy's account to Woge if you need a burner, woj you can break news under leroy's account i got no problem with that i think he's gonna be suspended for like 24 hours he's gonna be back breaking news on tuesday well how can you suspend a person who's just like reporting news right it's the whole thing it's and now people are just replying to everyone being like well what about this shut the fuck up everyone's a fucking dork right everyone's a dork you don't actually care about this no one cares about any of it yes no one they're trying it's it is the worst type of internet everyone's trying to win an argument and run up the score on each other, and no one actually cares about what they're arguing.

Speaker 1 They just want points. Right.
You want the fuck.

Speaker 3 You don't want points. You don't give a shit about the Muslims in China.

Speaker 3 Like, you should care about them. People should care.
In fact, I would say a senator should care about them. But most people that are getting mad about this don't actually give a shit about that.

Speaker 3 They're all dorks.

Speaker 1 And there's a new level of internet that I've seen pop up recently that is really pissing me off. It's the solution to every issue issue is just start a Patreon or a subscription list.

Speaker 1 Some guy was like, if Woge got 1% of his followers to sign up for an email list, he would have 30,000 people and all paying $5 a month would be like $1.8 million.

Speaker 1 Like, dude, do you know that there's more to it than just being like, let me break news to fucking 20,000 people via an email list serve?

Speaker 1 Like, there's more involved than just like when shit goes wrong being like, you know what? Let's do a subscription service.

Speaker 3 I do like the idea, though, of Woge becoming a business like Bloomberg Terminals and just like installing Woge Terminals at every sports media company in the world where like you pay $50 a month to get one terminal where one person can log in and see what the news is.

Speaker 3 And then you're allowed to break it with credit to Woge.

Speaker 1 Everyone's brain is broken now by Patreon putting the actual amount of money that you make. every month.
So people just log on to Patreon. They're like, that guy's making $15,000 a month.
What?

Speaker 1 And not even counting any of the overhead, any of the costs, taxes, Patreon fee, anything. They're just like, damn, dude.
It's the like email listservs are literally the future.

Speaker 3 Yeah, so, Billy,

Speaker 3 would you like to apologize to President Xi of China? Because you've been going after him a lot. We don't want to get in trouble on this show.

Speaker 3 A lot of our listeners are.

Speaker 1 We disavowed China a while ago. We did.
I'm staying disavowing on China. Here's what we did:

Speaker 3 we took the South China Sea back from China.

Speaker 3 One part of my take. But I'm just curious, like you, I don't want you to get canceled, Billy.

Speaker 1 I hate Xi Jinping. Dude,

Speaker 1 nice. Fuck Ji Jinping.
Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, remember, we weren't Billy talk for the first 20 minutes.

Speaker 3 Okay, we agree with your sentiment, but you can't use that type of language, so we're going to need you to write an apology letter to Ji Jinping.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yep. Or else you're suspended from doing whatever it is.

Speaker 1 Either way, we just. Sports.
Yeah, whatever. Fucking blood.
It's cooking us hot dogs sometimes.

Speaker 1 We just need sports back people. We do just people are just running around just being losers all day on the internet.

Speaker 3 So speaking of losers on the internet, there was like a big open letter gate last week.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. I love that.
And this is

Speaker 1 maybe

Speaker 3 the thing I hate the most about the internet, but like I can't stop looking at, is people getting mad at the most inconsequential shit.

Speaker 3 So on like Monday or Tuesday of last week, there were a bunch of people that signed an open letter. First of all, open letters are

Speaker 3 if you sit down and you write an open letter, I don't ever want to talk to you.

Speaker 1 I don't want to look at you. I assume that in between writing your open letter, you are just farting into your cupped hand and sniffing it all day long.

Speaker 3 Yeah, so the internet got open-lettered, actually.

Speaker 3 So in Harper's,

Speaker 3 first of all, I don't give a shit what Harper's is. I don't know what Harper's is, but there was an open letter saying, like,

Speaker 1 you have to go to an Ivy League school to know what that is.

Speaker 3 There was an open letter saying

Speaker 3 we should not discourage open conversation in this country, which I'm sure everyone is on board with that, right?

Speaker 3 And then you had like three days non-stop of people getting mad about the letter yeah in harper's and people like going at harpers and trying to cancel harpers like nobody gives a shit about harpers if you if you don't work in new york media you don't give a fuck about harpers i don't even know what it is i still don't know what harper's is and i care less about it now than i did last week and then you had the people that wrote the open letter getting mad and then writing another open letter then there was a counter open letter yes

Speaker 3 open letter off it was an open letter off and i just have a a theory that everybody involved in this feud is going to die 20 years prematurely because they stay so mad and significant.

Speaker 1 My favorite part about the response letter was a bunch of people signed it but redacted their signature, which is just the exact opposite of what a signature is.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you know what the first open letter was? The Declaration of Independence, and John Hancock put his name front and center on that. He should have redacted that shit.

Speaker 3 On his festival Kansas letter.

Speaker 1 Actually, he should have. He did get canceled.
They should have all redacted it. Well, they all got canceled.

Speaker 3 Yeah, right.

Speaker 3 I think if you look at the stats of the people that signed the declaration i think canceled 90 of them got permanently canceled by king george okay and and may i just add when will roger goodell disavow england and their uh tyrannical approach to northern ireland it's a fact and and england oversaw hong kong for a long time also true by people in hong kong by protesters also true yes um we should so let's we're done being mad at the internet the internet's stupid no billy you don't you can't talk for 20 minutes Let's talk about something funnier.

Speaker 1 Ben Simmons literally can't throw a fish into the ocean. I don't know if it was an ocean, more is like a pond.

Speaker 1 But this, if you missed this clip, Ben Simmons caught a fish down in Epcot and tried to throw it back, and he missed the water.

Speaker 1 He hit the ground. He hit the deck.
He hit the deck. No, it banked in, though.

Speaker 3 It did bank in.

Speaker 1 How he doesn't say, like, yo, let's reshoot that real quick. Like,

Speaker 1 we can't put that one out.

Speaker 1 But that was incredible. We also, bubble trouble, we have the first

Speaker 1 account of someone saying, I've been invited to the bubble. So a female tweeted out that she's already been invited to the bubble.
Do we know?

Speaker 3 Do we not want to say her name?

Speaker 3 Is it somebody that we know already? No.

Speaker 1 Okay, don't worry about that. No, no, she's, I mean, it's just a Twitter account, and her pinned tweet.

Speaker 1 Hold on, let me play her pinned tweet. It's actually,

Speaker 1 it's very funny, and the reason why she got invited to the bubble, let's just say it might not have been because she's

Speaker 1 wants to like talk about the issues in china her name's at ugly anna okay a gamertag she's snacking this is her this is her pinned tweet i am believe i used to wear dresses like how fat and stupid my ass looks

Speaker 3 showing her ass being like how stupid fat my ass looks so she has been she's officially been invited in she said that yes very healthy yeah a quarantine she's gonna be quarantined for like three months with everyone?

Speaker 3 I guess so. There should just be one woman invited.

Speaker 1 Whoa. What are you asking? No, I'm just saying.
You're getting in weird too.

Speaker 3 No, I'm saying like one single

Speaker 1 woman invited. I don't know what happens to that one.

Speaker 3 No, just

Speaker 3 all the guys would actually compete against each other in today's NBA where you're too used to everyone teaming up and being best friends. Yeah, they'd start to play defense again.

Speaker 1 20 minutes haven't been out.

Speaker 3 No, it'd be good for competition.

Speaker 1 So yeah, the bubble trouble. We're in bubble trouble.
I don't know. This is...
I'm feeling somewhat optimistic that things are going to work out.

Speaker 3 I don't know.

Speaker 3 It's also interesting seeing the players for the first time really experience the quarantine like most of America experienced it because most of these players, they've got you know, these huge houses or nice facilities to go work out and all that stuff.

Speaker 3 They were never really confined to their living rooms like a lot of America was.

Speaker 3 Now they're in this bubble and they're in these hotel rooms and they are getting their first taste of it and they're experiencing it exactly like we did.

Speaker 3 Like I saw one player being like, hey, if this tweet gets 50,000 retweets, I'll shotgun a beer on live stream.

Speaker 1 That was JJ Reddick.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it was JJ. So, like, that's exactly what we all went through for that first week.
They're going to be like loving Zoom meetings.

Speaker 1 I also am very excited for the journalists who have now gone into quarantine being like, pray for me. I have to be sitting in this room for seven days straight.
What are you doing? Stop.

Speaker 3 I would go if I was asked to the bubble. Do you think that would be good for ratings to have just me as a bubble correspondent in there for like

Speaker 1 three months? No, it would suck. Three months.
This dude's kind of fun. No.
Three months?

Speaker 3 It would suck. One woman, only what's her name? Ugly.

Speaker 1 It would be fine. I think the players can do.
I think the players are going to be able to do whatever they want. I think the journalists are going.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we're talking about going as journalists, not as players. Yes,

Speaker 1 let me take that back, Hank. I would definitely go as a player.
I would go play in the NBA if allowed. We're talking about being as journalists.

Speaker 1 I think they're going to be very strict with them.

Speaker 3 Yeah, they are. I think for me, like after maybe a month and a half, I start to look pretty good to a lot of the the players.

Speaker 4 Yeah, Mark Stein's tweet was like depressing. He said, after

Speaker 4 an even 120 nights in a row at home, personal record, seven consecutive days in quarantine without leaving the room starts later this evening.

Speaker 1 Yes. That's the thing.
Yeah. So pray for our journalist friends who are seven days in a row, who are then going to get all the interviews and all the podcast downloads.
So shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 I've also heard that.

Speaker 5 It shut the Paul Milstap, too.

Speaker 4 He doesn't have a window in his room.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God. So relatable.

Speaker 1 Wait, that's illegal. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Firehouses. You can't have a a bedroom with no window.
Not to cover it.

Speaker 4 I lived in a bedroom with no window.

Speaker 1 It's called a fog. It was illegal.
Yeah. I remember that cribs you did.
Well, it's Florida. Who knows?

Speaker 3 That's going to fuck with his circadian rhythms. He's not going to know when it's morning.

Speaker 3 He better get a sunlamp. Pronto.

Speaker 1 It is funny that all the journalists are like, man, this is going to be so tough. And they then get every single story for the next three months.
It's going to be nice. For a league they cover.

Speaker 1 It's going to be nice.

Speaker 3 Imagine if you had like young kids at home and somebody was like, hey, would you like to go live in Orlando for three months away from your young children?

Speaker 3 And you're like, oh yeah, it's going to be tough. Sorry, babe, I got to go.
Work calls. Three months away.

Speaker 1 Sorry.

Speaker 1 I got to go hang out with a service every single day.

Speaker 1 All right, so we had that. We have UFC, Fight Island, thoughts?

Speaker 1 Seemed pretty good.

Speaker 1 Here are my thoughts. I mean, the title fights.

Speaker 1 Here's the title fight. It's the Mayweather fight.
Usman's fucking Mayweather, where he's just boring. Here's my.
And he stomps. He foot stomps.
Holloway got robbed.

Speaker 3 Holloway. He did get robbed.
My entire thoughts on the evening are: fuck ESPN Plus. It's the worst app in the history of the world.
Every time there's a fight, this is what happens. Every single time.

Speaker 3 I buy it on my phone. Doesn't work on my phone.
I try to log in on my computer. Doesn't work on my computer.

Speaker 3 I try to log back in on my computer. Dude, I told you.
I have to buy it again on my computer. What did I say?

Speaker 3 Now I've got two receipts in my emails for purchasing this fucking fight. Then I log back in on my phone.
Still doesn't work. Then I get it on my computer.
Then I'm finally able to put it on Airplane.

Speaker 1 It's the same account. I do.
It's the same account. It's just plug in on your TV.

Speaker 3 It's the same because it's not on my TV.

Speaker 1 You don't have a smart TV?

Speaker 3 I do have a smart TV, but I'm dumb.

Speaker 1 You definitely have it on your TV. No, I don't.

Speaker 3 It's an LG. There's no app for ESPN Plus on my TV.

Speaker 1 No, the download. ESPN app.

Speaker 3 There's no app for ESPN on my TV.

Speaker 1 Gotta be 100% an app.

Speaker 1 If you watch the camera,

Speaker 1 it's Prime, you have an app for ESPN on your TV.

Speaker 3 Every time there's a fight, it takes me 45 minutes and I end up buying it twice.

Speaker 1 Listen, I'm with you. I'm the one who initially was like, just give me a button, old school pay-per-view, but there's an app for ESPN on your TV.

Speaker 3 I don't think that there is because I've looked high.

Speaker 1 Do you watch Amazon Prime?

Speaker 3 I watch Amazon Prime.

Speaker 1 You watch Netflix? Yes. Do you watch Hulu? Yes.
There's absolutely an app for ESPN on your TV.

Speaker 3 I haven't found it yet.

Speaker 1 You can download it.

Speaker 3 I deleted it after Wodes replied

Speaker 1 fuck you to the senator.

Speaker 3 I thought that was highly inappropriate, so I'm not supporting them anymore.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Fight Island. I mean, it was good to talk about sports.

Speaker 3 The title fight did suck.

Speaker 4 Also, Monster Dogs, like, though, getting like, I'm all for like, you know, like guys punching each other in the face, but that all, though, like, I had to look away.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that fight was disgusting. Yeah, and then he just popped up.
It was like, he looked fine.

Speaker 3 It was probably a minute. The fight was stopped.

Speaker 1 The camera angle, too, was brutal.

Speaker 4 In his face, just watching him die.

Speaker 3 They could have stopped that fight a minute earlier, and it still would have been 30 seconds too late.

Speaker 1 Usman, though, foot stomping. I mean, that's just...
That should be illegal. It should be.

Speaker 1 It's more like just a pride thing, dude. Like, beat someone without stomping their toes in.
Right. He's like, I'm going to stub your toes to death.

Speaker 3 Like, they outlawed the fish hook for the same reason. It just sucks to have it done.

Speaker 1 It also felt, it did feel like a Mayweather fight where you're watching and you're rooting for Masrado and you're like, oh, if we can just catch him once, and just never happened because Uzman's just a beast and was able to just wear him down.

Speaker 1 So, I don't know.

Speaker 1 The end, I think UFC's, like, the way it's different than a Mayweather fight or a big boxing pay-per-view is the undercard is always going to be worth it.

Speaker 1 There'll always be some big fights, but it does always suck being awake at like two in the morning and having the big title fight suck. And you're just like, well, okay.

Speaker 1 And then a bunch of people tweeting you like, dude, I can't believe you spent money on that. Yeah.
I see that. Not always.
We can't figure out how to stream shit illegally.

Speaker 1 And also, we want to support our friend. Or stream shit legally.

Speaker 4 They should have Uzman and Khabib fight and McGregor and Masoval fight.

Speaker 5 Yes.

Speaker 3 That would be awesome. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I hate it when

Speaker 1 they match up a grappler with a boxer.

Speaker 1 Sucks. Yeah, but at least Khabib, when he grapples someone, he like he just basically terminates them.
Yeah, he doesn't just he doesn't grapple them to wear him down.

Speaker 1 He's like, I'm going to tap you out and fuck you up.

Speaker 3 I'm going to put my shoulder through your face. Right.
I'm not just going to lay on top of you.

Speaker 1 I'm going to break every bone in your body.

Speaker 3 Shout out Thug Rose. What a fucking cool name that is.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah. If your name was Thug, is there any chance that you would not go by Thug?

Speaker 1 If your name was Thug? Yeah, she goes.

Speaker 1 I would go by Thug Rose, not just Rose.

Speaker 1 Wait, if your name was... Say it again.
If If your name was Thug's. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Her name's Rose.

Speaker 3 She needs to imply more heavily that her name is Thug. Right.

Speaker 1 Wait, but her name's Rose.

Speaker 3 I think her name's Thug Rose.

Speaker 1 No, her name's Rose.

Speaker 3 I thought her name was Thug Rose.

Speaker 1 No, her name's Rose, and Thug is her nickname. Thug Rose is her nickname.

Speaker 3 That makes a lot more sense.

Speaker 3 I was like, her name's.

Speaker 1 PFT.

Speaker 1 This is a very like, you're talking to my dad last like five minutes. The point is.
This thug girl is pretty cool. The point is.
I couldn't download it, but man.

Speaker 3 And then the sound cut out on the fucking live stream, and then every three minutes, it would revert back to the minimal size video, and I'd have to get up, walk across the room, and hit the full screen button again.

Speaker 1 How is this person named Thug?

Speaker 3 I know what I'm going to name my daughter now.

Speaker 1 Thug.

Speaker 3 Actually, no, we don't say the T-word anymore.

Speaker 1 Yeah, posse rose. No, P-word.

Speaker 1 No, you don't say P-word either.

Speaker 3 We say...

Speaker 1 Oh, entourage. What did he say he was trying to say?

Speaker 4 I wasn't trying to say thugs. I was trying to say, like...

Speaker 5 Oh, Oh, Slug Rose.

Speaker 1 Slug Rose. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Slug Rose. Yeah, John Bayline.
Yeah, Slug Rose. She's acting like a slug out there.

Speaker 1 All right,

Speaker 1 let's do who's back of the week. Before we do that, PFT, you have an ad real quick.

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Speaker 1 Okay, let's do who's back of the week. Hank, why don't you start?

Speaker 4 My who's back of the week is cake.

Speaker 1 Cake. The band.
Cake.

Speaker 3 Cake. Going the distance.
Cake.

Speaker 1 Cake. Cake.
How so?

Speaker 4 There was a tweet. I mean, talk about really stupid shit that people were talking about online.

Speaker 1 But this is good stupid shit.

Speaker 4 This was like the stupidest shit, but it's like one of those things where it's like you go off your phone for a day. All of a sudden, everyone's talking about cake.

Speaker 4 There was a video that started from Tasty, where it was a video titled These Are All Cakes. It's like a three-minute video, and it's just all...
You should watch it if you haven't.

Speaker 4 It's just all these. It looks like a crock.
It looks like a science set. It looks like a bar of soap.

Speaker 1 It blew my mind.

Speaker 4 It looks like a laptop. Like it looks like a head.

Speaker 1 And they're just sneaking cakes into everything.

Speaker 4 And it's just cake. So then everyone convinced themselves that, you know, maybe the world is just a giant cake.

Speaker 3 I like this. Like the matrix, the cake cakes.

Speaker 1 I like this.

Speaker 4 So we're all just one giant piece of cake.

Speaker 7 Okay.

Speaker 3 That's cool. That cake is a good way to look at the world.
The cake is delicious.

Speaker 1 Cupcakes are shaking in their boots.

Speaker 3 It did fuck me up for a little bit. Like, I just look around and you have to wonder, is that cake? Is this desk a piece of cake? Am I made of cake?

Speaker 1 No, because this desk is from Wayfair. It's bringing children to us.

Speaker 3 So it's pizza. Yes.

Speaker 1 This desk is pizza, not cake. Got it.
But everything else is pie. It's actually the whole world is just Wayfair products with children abducted and cake.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 1 One of the others. It's a binary system.

Speaker 3 I checked the PMT assignment desk that I built because that was purchased off Wayfair.

Speaker 3 No kids.

Speaker 1 No kids. We need sports back so bad, man.
We're so online. It's so bad.

Speaker 3 The world's going insane.

Speaker 1 It's so fucking bad.

Speaker 3 That said, I guarantee those cakes. Nothing to do.
They looked awesome, but I guarantee you they taste like shit.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, because they have to use like the different sugar, right, to make it like the hard sugar and stuff. Yes.

Speaker 3 It's a complete waste of cake. Right.

Speaker 1 It's like,

Speaker 1 what was the show? Cake Boss? He made some good cakes, but he also made some cakes where it was like, this cake looks incredible, but it tastes like shit.

Speaker 3 I'm going to make a cake that looks exactly like a cake, and it's going to be fucking bonkers.

Speaker 1 It's so good. What about a cake that looks like a pie? Ooh, that's good.
That would be cool.

Speaker 3 That'd be a mind fuck. What if the world was just like one big cherry cordial? And so the center, the core of the earth, is just like liquid goodness.

Speaker 4 That would be good as well. So that was one of the, you know, were any of them ice cream cakes?

Speaker 4 I'll give you, I'll give you a verbal meme of an actual meme, but it was like an astronaut looking at the world, getting cut in half as a cake, and he had a speech bubble that said, the world is cake.

Speaker 4 And then there was another astronaut behind him with a gun that said, it's been cake the whole time.

Speaker 1 Oh!

Speaker 1 But he's going to shoot him because he's found out. But he's going to shoot a cake.

Speaker 3 Who's the guy behind him?

Speaker 1 With a cake gun. Who knows? That gun isn't even loaded yet.

Speaker 3 So the second astronaut is the baker. He's like the one that designed it all.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 3 God is a baker.

Speaker 1 Damn. Okay.

Speaker 3 This is Colin Coward's an atheist.

Speaker 1 We're high, but it's good. All right.
What is your Who's Back of the Week PFT?

Speaker 3 My Who's Back of the Week. Yeah, I do feel high right now.
My Who's Back of the Week is taxes. Oh, so yeah.

Speaker 3 Taxes are due on Wednesday. I almost forgot, too.
So I made it in this.

Speaker 1 In this economy?

Speaker 3 In this economy, taxes are back, Hank.

Speaker 1 How?

Speaker 3 So we got a delay. And when they gave us...

Speaker 1 Oh, wait, wait.

Speaker 3 No, because

Speaker 3 they got delayed, but now we can get our extension.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. No, I'm going to get - I always get my extension, but is our extension delayed or is it October 15th?

Speaker 3 I think the extension is delayed, but don't quote me on that.

Speaker 3 Shit. But do you really want to be paying taxes in December? Yeah.
Or during football playoffs. Future me.
When you're down a lot of money in the middle of the day.

Speaker 1 Future melting. Yeah.
Yeah, that's a tax write-off.

Speaker 3 That's true, yeah. Perfect.
Good point. So, yeah,

Speaker 3 taxes are back big time.

Speaker 1 Nope, Billy, you're almost up.

Speaker 1 Not yet, Billy. All right, My Who's Back of the Week is Supermarket Sweep.
It's on Netflix. I guess it had been on Netflix or some one of these apps for a while, but

Speaker 1 it's on Netflix now.

Speaker 3 Figure out how to watch it.

Speaker 1 And it's such a fucking throwback and awesome. You should, if you don't remember it because you're too young, watch it.
It's a hilarious show set in a supermarket.

Speaker 1 It's pretty much exactly how it sounds.

Speaker 1 It's like guys' grocery games in standard definition right but it's but it's also funny watching like the very relatable moments of like one of the guys like they they bring down uh three teams of two and trying to find stuff in a grocery aisle which is the hardest thing in the world but then in front of cameras and with a buzzer and a timer and then they have to go through the with the carts and everything it's a great game it's also just weird seeing like the hair and the fashion throwback to like the 90s it's it's a different planet What was the time?

Speaker 3 What was the game where they just sent you through a supermarket and whatever you could fit in your cart that you got to keep?

Speaker 1 That's supermarket sweet.

Speaker 3 Okay, so that's that's the

Speaker 1 winner. At the end, you fit, you try to get as much as you can.

Speaker 1 You can fill your cart, then you can bring it back and get a new cart, and you try to get the biggest grocery bill. But you can only take five of one item and you can't spill anything.

Speaker 3 I would just go for the cologne. Well, cologne in grocery stores is like so overpriced, but you can get a shitload of it in your camera.

Speaker 1 It's like hams, hams, the cheeses, the ground coffee,

Speaker 1 some of the nuts.

Speaker 3 I would just take my shopping car

Speaker 3 and go to a Whole Foods and then come back, be like, look at this, Bill.

Speaker 1 Diapers. There's a whole strategy behind it, but it's a great show.

Speaker 7 Flame and Yons. The big Flame and Yons.

Speaker 1 There you go. All right, Bill, you can talk now.
So who's your who's back?

Speaker 7 Who's back of the week? I'm going to go with bats.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 7 Yeah, bats cause Corona, and I'm also dealing with a bat problem. So I might die of rabies in five months unless I figure this out.

Speaker 1 Please.

Speaker 3 Wait, so why might you die of rabies? Have you been baiting?

Speaker 1 No, so like last night.

Speaker 7 I found a bat in my house and

Speaker 1 I chased it. Don't say your house.

Speaker 7 It's a barn. So I was running around like trying to find this bat because I went to my neighbor's house to get a tennis racket and I came back to kill the bat and then the bat was gone.

Speaker 7 So I couldn't find the bat.

Speaker 1 It was hiding somewhere.

Speaker 3 So he doesn't kill animals. And he kills your home.

Speaker 4 And the bat knows your reputation.

Speaker 1 Did you leave the door open?

Speaker 7 There was a window open, but then my basement, I mean, the whole thing flooded.

Speaker 4 Because of the bat?

Speaker 7 No, no, because of the tropical storm.

Speaker 7 my barn flooded and then the bat was flying around and it was just like a whole situation so anyway after all this chasing the bat i couldn't find the bat in the house so i went to sleep but turns out you're not supposed to do that because the bat can bite you in your sleep and you don't know if you're sleeping in the flood no i well i have a raised bed now i took the mattress off oh congrats yeah so uh that's a big step in any young man's life yeah is the second that you get a bed frame and like maybe even a box spring yeah so then the flood didn't get me so why are you wearing the vibrum shoes

Speaker 1 billy's wearing the toes shoes toe shoes that

Speaker 1 early CrossFitters and weird

Speaker 1 dads. Billy.

Speaker 1 Bald dads. Kayakers and mountain climbers.

Speaker 3 If you can see Billy right now, from the waist up, he looks like he's ready to start the Second Civil War with his Hawaiian shirt. And from the waist down,

Speaker 3 he looks like he's ready to catch that fucking roadrunner.

Speaker 1 Those shoes, the vibrums that you're wearing, the toe shoes, you basically are saying, like, I live in the suburbs, but I'm committed to living an extreme outdoor life from two o'clock to five every Saturday.

Speaker 1 I have rabies. Okay, so why are you wearing the shoes? Well, I put them on

Speaker 7 Friday, and then I haven't taken them off since we have to.

Speaker 3 That is weird. You've been wearing them.
You don't have to.

Speaker 1 You shower with them? Yeah, and that cleans them off.

Speaker 1 No. And you walk through your flooded basement and then just get into bed with them? No, I washed, I spray them down with the hose

Speaker 3 them off.

Speaker 1 And you wear them to bed.

Speaker 3 Yes, he sleeps in them. You can sleep in them.
Yeah, you can, but you can do a lot of things.

Speaker 1 Billy sleep in in anything.

Speaker 3 Billy, you can go chug a gallon of antifreeze if you want to.

Speaker 1 Well, no, you can't.

Speaker 7 I'm sick and tired of

Speaker 1 audience of society.

Speaker 3 You are physically capable

Speaker 3 of chugging antifreeze.

Speaker 3 You shouldn't. I'm saying there's a lot of things that you can do, but like sleeping in wet shoes.

Speaker 1 They weren't wet vibros.

Speaker 4 And then earlier, before the show, you were like, I'm going to stream all night tonight because I got to catch this bat. And I was curious how streaming Call of Duty is going to help.

Speaker 7 No,

Speaker 7 I got to stay up all night to find this bat because you're going to be focused on the game.

Speaker 7 Yeah, well, I'm going to see the bat flying around my, like, I'm going to be playing, and then the bat's going to fly around.

Speaker 1 And you're going to pause the bat.

Speaker 7 Yeah, I'm going to pause the game and catch the bat. Because if I catch the bat, then I can test the bat for rabies, so I don't have to get a bunch of shots in my stomach.

Speaker 3 You got to watch that one scene from Black Shot. You're not going to catch it.

Speaker 7 I'm going to kill it, but you can't. Something about testing.

Speaker 1 How are you going to test this bat for rabies?

Speaker 7 You call the housing commission or something.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and they're going to be like, sure thing, Billy football. We'll be right out to test your bat.

Speaker 1 No, you take the bat to the thing you know what they're gonna do they're gonna show up they're gonna take the bat and they're gonna kill it in the fucking the back of their bed

Speaker 3 you can't crush the bat's skull or you can't bat as rabies oh my god all right billy here's what you do you open up your refrigerator and you turn all the lights off in the house and the bat will be attracted to the light

Speaker 1 that's moths have you thought about dressing up as joker

Speaker 3 I actually might turn into Batman.

Speaker 1 That would be a sick way to do the stream. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Dress up like Joker the whole time and be like

Speaker 1 come on on out, Patman.

Speaker 1 The Joker isn't like funny anymore, like cute. It's just kind of everyone's just taking it.
Well, he's got mental issues, right? Why do we fuck up the Joker?

Speaker 3 Well, then, why don't you be the Jack Nicholson version of the Joker?

Speaker 1 That one's fucked up, too. Mr.
Penguin, not really. Oh, yeah, B.
Mr. Penguins.
Oh, yeah. Or the Riddler.
That one isn't that funny.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 7 The Riddlers.

Speaker 1 I mean, Bane. B.
Bane. You love, you love masks.
I love Bane. Oh, I'd be Bane.
All right, so B. Bane.
Where is the bath? There we go. Perfect.
You got the voice. Warzone.

Speaker 1 Keep going. Give us something else.

Speaker 3 Nobody cared who I was until I put on these shoes.

Speaker 1 That was me.

Speaker 3 Who said that? Yeah, that was Millie.

Speaker 1 All right, let's get to our interview. We got Luke Bryan

Speaker 1 coming up in a minute.

Speaker 8 I'm not going back to college to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber One for students.
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Speaker 1 Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think college is for.

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Speaker 1 Okay, here he is, Luke Bryan.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. It is a country music performer.
He won 2013 Entertainer of the Year by the Academy of Country Music Awards. He's got a new album out.

Speaker 5 It's called

Speaker 1 Born Here, Live Here, Die Here is Luke Bryan. Thank you so much for joining us, Luke.
We appreciate it.

Speaker 1 The new album, let's start there.

Speaker 1 Live here, or sorry, born here, live here, die here. Where's here? We talking Nashville or are we talking Georgia?

Speaker 10 Georgia, Leesburg, Georgia.

Speaker 10 Little peanut growing town down in the southwest part of Georgia.

Speaker 3 Okay, would you say that you're the most famous peanut farmer from Georgia?

Speaker 10 If I'm not, I got trouble.

Speaker 3 Well, I'm looking right now. Jimmy Carter only has 67,000 Twitter followers, and you've got like 9 million.
So I think hands down, it's got to be.

Speaker 10 I got Jimmy handled. I got Jimmy beat, but

Speaker 10 you know, it's a little bit of a misnomer because I wasn't technically a peanut farmer, but I worked in Ag and we owned a peanut mill. So we would buy peanuts from the farmer.

Speaker 1 Got it. Okay.
Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 And that's how we get our peanut butter you know, in the stores and everything.

Speaker 1 You're the guy who makes it happen.

Speaker 10 So the first process is

Speaker 10 the farmer to grow it. The second process is for my dad's meal to get it out of the field and get it ready to go to the shelling plant for peanut butter.

Speaker 3 Okay. Would there be like a certain peanut butter that your dad's peanuts would go to? Like were you a Reese's family or a GIF or what?

Speaker 10 You know,

Speaker 10 well, there's several companies.

Speaker 1 You know, I never knew when they went on from us you know they go out and they just become a commodity at that point so it's heck i could never tell at some point i think we were selling to to reese's quite a bit or they made it work yeah so so you put die here in the album title so i i think i it's fair for me to ask have you thought at all maybe of getting like a peanut shell casket when you do eventually die in like 50 years say 50 years they can plan 60 years okay long life but can we maybe get that

Speaker 10 Yes, there's a good chance you might have eaten my nuts.

Speaker 1 Okay, nice. We've had your nuts, they're delicious.
Um, so hey, a real question here: so, you, the new album's coming out uh, week of July 13th. Is it weird that you're not able to tour this summer?

Speaker 1 Like, what, how is that thrown off your schedule?

Speaker 1 Because I assume every summer, since however long you can imagine, you've been out on the road playing songs for people, especially country music, summertime. There's nothing better.

Speaker 10 Yeah, man,

Speaker 10 it's been a learning process to retrain my body

Speaker 10 on what sleep feels like. Like,

Speaker 10 I mean,

Speaker 10 I've slept more consistent, you know, I've slept more consistently for never in my life, you know, even because hell, you roll out of college. I rolled out of college and I went and worked for my dad.

Speaker 10 And then I went from working for my dad to leaving and going and getting in the music business. So now, you know, I've kind of been like a regular, regular dad.
But

Speaker 10 so, but, you know, it's been pretty,

Speaker 10 you know, it's just been a big, a big learning thing. You know, my wife and I, we haven't divorced yet, so I'm pretty proud of that.

Speaker 1 That's good. Yeah.

Speaker 10 And, but, you know, the main thing is you really, really get accustomed to working a lot and you do miss work. You know, it's fulfilling.
It's fun. It's exciting.
It's crazy.

Speaker 10 I mean, being on a tour bus playing for fans. So certainly missing that.
But,

Speaker 10 you know, trying to, you know, trying to travel a little bit and see some spots and have some fun stuff you know fun stuff with my family my my nephew graduated high school and he's going off to college so trying to really have some uh have some time with him this summer yeah that sounds nice yeah when you were growing up were was your family supportive of you getting into the uh the songwriting game or were they like hey we need you to be a peanut shelling

Speaker 1 plant manager

Speaker 10 was there any pressure to follow in the family business you know my dad man my dad was like get your butt out of here. You know, he, he, he was really, and my mother too.

Speaker 10 But, you know, they, they worked, they were hardworking people. And, and, you know, I think you'd be amazed.

Speaker 10 I mean, I've met so many artists, so many country singers and songwriters that their parents didn't have their back. Their parents just.

Speaker 10 Their parents almost shamed them for having a dream. And man, that wasn't my scenario.
I mean, my, my parents were like, we, we want the best for you. We, they believed in me.
And,

Speaker 10 you know, so they were, or it was, they were just trying to kick me out. Either way, they were just, they were, they were excited, but they, they were really behind me.

Speaker 1 What was it like when you were trying to make it in Nashville as a country music singer?

Speaker 1 Because I would assume everything I know about Nashville, it's just full of people trying to make it as country music singers. So, was it competitive? Was it like night in and night out?

Speaker 1 You see someone, you're like, oh, that person, where do I stack up against them? That must have been an interesting time and place to be.

Speaker 10 Yeah, it's everything you just brought up. I mean,

Speaker 10 when you leave Georgia, and I had developed a pretty good little college following playing bars and college bars in Georgia. So I kind of, you know, I kind of thought that,

Speaker 10 you know, I kind of thought that I had it. I was a little bit ahead of the game.

Speaker 10 You know, I'd spent a lot of time performing on stage, but I'd never really recorded albums and I'd never really had had a big time, I've never really written a lot of songs.

Speaker 10 So when I get to Nashville, you know, I'm trying to figure out, you know, you can get, you can get, you can deviate off your path. You can kind of go down the wrong road and

Speaker 10 hell, next thing you know, two years,

Speaker 10 you know, you just wasted two years. Well, with me,

Speaker 10 I was a little more mature. I was 25 years old when I moved to Nashville.
So I was a little smarter

Speaker 10 you know well

Speaker 10 i was kind of like well these guys they you know they're cool dudes but they really don't seem like you know they're just drinking and partying all the time and they don't really have a clear vision and then i so i kind of was was able to really focus in on the right moves to make and really really hit the ground running and and um

Speaker 10 Man, just, you know, and then you start, you know, the main thing was I got there and I started working my butt off right away.

Speaker 10 I started writing a lot and I got a publishing deal on Music Row, writing, you know, two, three songs a day, going out, catching shows, networking, networking.

Speaker 10 You know, and then I realized real quick that

Speaker 10 I was a little fish in a big pond, you know, and I had to. I had to get better fast to really compete.
I mean, because that's what it is.

Speaker 10 I mean, when you move to Nashville, you know, you're competing for all of the other guys and girls that are trying to get on a record label. I mean, they're all, you're vying for a, you're vying,

Speaker 10 you're competing for a small spot. So you better get good quick or you'll be in and out of there.
So thankfully, I met some really,

Speaker 10 you know, smart people that showed me the ropes on,

Speaker 10 you know,

Speaker 10 did I make some mistakes? Did I lose some money?

Speaker 10 I did some things that cost me a little money early on, but you worked through it. And thank God, you know, you come out on the other end.
And man, it's amazing. Now, I mean, you know, even

Speaker 10 when you feel like when you know you've made it and you can just go enjoy having fun, knowing that you made it, you know, and you don't have to, you don't have to doubt, you know, I don't have to doubt,

Speaker 10 was it worth putting it all on the line? I mean, I know it was. Now, just make sure I go have fun from here to the end of time.

Speaker 3 What was that like writing songs for other people and thinking, like, at the same time, you're trying to make it as a solo artist?

Speaker 3 Are you writing a song and you're like, man, I could sell this to Travis Tritt or I could put this in my back pocket because I know this one's a hit?

Speaker 10 Yeah, there's a lot of stress that can happen in those moments when you're,

Speaker 10 you know, I never really,

Speaker 10 when you know, some of my early songs that got recorded, obviously, Travis Tritt recorded one and and then Billy Currington

Speaker 10 had a number one song.

Speaker 10 And I had a little bit of anxiety about releasing these songs,

Speaker 10 but you know what, if I'm waking up,

Speaker 10 the thing that

Speaker 10 some early artists and songwriters do is they act like they're never going to write another great song. You know,

Speaker 10 if you think that you're going to write one or two great songs in your history, then you're really not aiming high enough.

Speaker 10 You know, my approach was as long as I'm showing up every day and I'm writing my butt off and I'm working, working, working, you know, better songs will come. And what actually happened is

Speaker 10 I was able to learn and hone in who I was as an artist and what I was going to be even better by writing more songs.

Speaker 10 You know, I mean, even the first couple of songs I wrote, you know, they were just songs that I just wrote and I went and recorded them at a demo session.

Speaker 10 And hell, I wasn't even singing, you know, I wasn't, you know, my voice

Speaker 10 hadn't even reached what it would become. So it's like anything, you know, you know, and even in sports, you know,

Speaker 10 if you're a great route runner, if you're a slow, if you're a slow receiver, but you're a great route runner,

Speaker 10 you can figure out how to catch the ball. You know, you can, and so with me, I mean, I had all the tools, but I hadn't lined them all up at the right time.

Speaker 10 And when you finally line them all up, you're writing great, you're singing great, you're performing great, you're making all the right business moves. That's when it kind of

Speaker 10 goes to the next level.

Speaker 1 So you,

Speaker 1 I don't, you're kind of a genius when it comes to the naming of your songs. Is that intentional? Because it's so straightforward.

Speaker 1 For people who don't know, some of my favorite names of Luke Bryan's songs. One Margarita, Drink a Beer.
That one's about beer.

Speaker 1 You have, let's see, there's other ones, Knockin' Boots. It's just straightforward.
My favorite is We Road in Trucks. Like, you know what that song's about.
Now,

Speaker 1 like,

Speaker 1 I'm being honest, though, the simplicity of it is kind of genius because it's like, this is what the song is about. Here you go.
Do you do that intentionally?

Speaker 10 So you're going on the record to call me a genius.

Speaker 1 I actually think that. I think a lot of times people overthink what they're trying to give to their fans, and you know what your fans want.
And Countryman, that's a song. There it is.

Speaker 1 Take my drunk ass home. That's a song.
Like, that's just, it's there. There it is.
Is that one a real one? That's a real one. Take my, I love it.
Like, it's, it's,

Speaker 1 there's some genius in it.

Speaker 10 Were you a Stone Temple Pilots fan?

Speaker 1 I used to dabble, yeah.

Speaker 10 All right. What's the Interstate Love song about?

Speaker 1 It's about that riff.

Speaker 3 This song is about a riff.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 10 So, you know, I remember being a kid. Now, I loved,

Speaker 10 hell, I loved Metallica. I loved,

Speaker 10 you know, I loved,

Speaker 10 but, you know, like Pearl Jam. I never understood what the hell they were talking about.

Speaker 1 Well, Jeremy, that's pretty straightforward.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I mean, a crazy kid, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, but you're right. You're right.
Yellow led better.

Speaker 3 You can't understand what he's saying at all.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 10 Now, I'm not knocking their music. Now, I'm going to get some hate mail, but it was amazing.
I mean, I played it 24-7. But, you know, I think in country, you know, country is really good about

Speaker 10 keep it, you know, there's a, there's a funny, it's almost like keep it simple, stupid. You know, just keep it simple.
You know, have some fun. You know, I've always,

Speaker 10 you know, I've always,

Speaker 10 anytime, man, I could put a big old fun song out that

Speaker 10 you don't really have to try to cure the world of all of its problems. I mean, man, like you look at one margarita, I mean, that's, I mean, dude, that I've gone about two years.

Speaker 10 That's, that's may become my biggest song of my career. Right.
And man, it's just big fun. There's nothing scientific about it.
One margarita, two margarita, three margarita shot.

Speaker 1 Now, now, who doesn't want to do that? Right. Right.
That's my point, though. There's, there's some types of entertainment that it's okay.

Speaker 1 I think there's, I think what's happened is people look down on certain types of entertainment where you turn your brain off and you just enjoy it, right? And that's kind of what this is.

Speaker 1 Like, you can turn your brain off and enjoy it. There's nothing, there's no deeper meaning than, hey, look, drinking margaritas is fun.
Let's have some the sun's out. It's a fucking fun time.

Speaker 1 You have that other song. What was the sunburnt one? The sunrise, sunburn, sunset.
Sunset. That's a fucking day.

Speaker 3 You just explained a day. You told a story in a song type.

Speaker 1 Sunrises, you get a little burn, sunsets.

Speaker 1 Hey, keep it simple stupid yeah so have you thought about just throwing it out there uh a title i was singing maybe just drunk again or just like biceps yeah

Speaker 1 sun's out guns out that's a song title right there luke little double on that should be yeah

Speaker 1 autobiographical song you could maybe make that one a little slower get the get the get the uh when they do the the blue mood lighting on stage you sit down on your and it's just i'm luke and it's just a solo when i can write shotgun and shit.

Speaker 3 Yeah, can we just, is it okay if we just throw you out some song titles and you can, you know, bounce them off you?

Speaker 1 Hey,

Speaker 10 you guys, you know what? You may write, we can in five minutes, we can we can write my next four albums, okay?

Speaker 3 Loomis Daisy Duke.

Speaker 1 Ooh, that one might be a little too much. I'm a little confused.

Speaker 3 Loomis Daisy, uh, them Daisy Duke jeans, uh, cute dogs, hunting dogs,

Speaker 1 hunting dogs,

Speaker 10 rusty fender, rusty fender.

Speaker 3 That's a good one.

Speaker 10 That sounds like a NASCAR driver.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Dirty tires.

Speaker 1 That's pretty good.

Speaker 3 I'm all about that good time. Yeah.
Black smoke.

Speaker 10 Let me see.

Speaker 1 Basic. Black smoke.
Oh, black smoke?

Speaker 3 That's good. Okay.

Speaker 1 What about ball game?

Speaker 10 Ball game can get weird.

Speaker 3 Fast cars, faster women.

Speaker 3 Parentheses ain't all they cracked up to be.

Speaker 1 What about just

Speaker 1 game day?

Speaker 1 That could be any

Speaker 1 yeah game day

Speaker 1 esp and kind of messed us up on that no but you should just ride the coattails on that just you've been on game day you could just call it not so fast my friend see we're already that's 12 titles right there that's the next album i think i actually tweeted i i think i had a tweet in like 2015 where i said uh oh yeah f finally we get luke bryan on college game day that was sarcastic just so you know

Speaker 1 was it yeah it was i don't they play they play your songs all the time on game day so i think think I was being sarcastic. Yeah.
I was like, finally.

Speaker 10 That can be taken as two ways. Yeah, you can.

Speaker 10 So listen, today is, we didn't even plan this, by the way. Today is a monumental day.

Speaker 1 23rd.

Speaker 1 Tuesday, Margarita Day.

Speaker 3 Taco Tuesday.

Speaker 10 My English Cocker and My Chocolate Lab debuted on Barstool Instagram today.

Speaker 1 Oh, what, a year ago? Two years ago? How long ago?

Speaker 10 No, just today.

Speaker 1 Today.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow. I got to go look it up.
Pull it up. You should have a song named English Cocker.
That could get confusing.

Speaker 10 That could get...

Speaker 10 Or Cocker English.

Speaker 3 Dog Days, but it's actually just about dogs. What about a day in the life of your dogger?

Speaker 1 What about cock her? Two different words.

Speaker 10 You said it, not me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, okay.

Speaker 3 While we're getting stuff off our chest, I had a tweet from 2015. This is when the Panthers were playing the Cowboys on Thanksgiving Day.

Speaker 3 I just want to be open and honest about it, in case you did your research ahead of time. I tweeted Luke Brian more like Puke Brian.

Speaker 1 But, but

Speaker 3 in fairness, that was a fraud tweet on my part because I wasn't even listening. I was in a bar and the sound was off.
And I just figured I'd jump in and pile on the roast that was going on.

Speaker 3 I ended up watching the performance later. I was like, that's actually pretty good.

Speaker 3 So I'd just like to apologize in case you'd seen that. And also ask you, do you read your mentions on Twitter?

Speaker 10 so

Speaker 10 not you know what man your first few years in it you want to beat everybody's ass

Speaker 10 you just you do and then you just you just then you just chalk it up to like

Speaker 10 you know there's been some dudes that like if i see them yeah

Speaker 10 i'm just gonna have to say something name names

Speaker 10 nah

Speaker 10 But I got them.

Speaker 10 It's just like, I just put them in the little redneck, go redneck on your ass point of my brain.

Speaker 10 You know, I do have that side of me. I'm just really good at controlling it.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 you've made it. Like you said, that had to be the moment.
Like, what was the moment that you officially said, you know what, I've made it. Like, I don't have to care about what people say about me.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I had a, I had a, I got a buddy of mine. He goes, Luke, just anytime you get pissed off at the world, just reach down there and pat that front hip pocket.

Speaker 1 I like that. That's very good advice.

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 3 What, in your opinion, is the greatest country song ever written?

Speaker 10 Man, the greatest country song ever written. I mean, historically, he stopped loving her today.

Speaker 10 You know, when you look at...

Speaker 10 You know, it's hard to top that one, but personally, my favorite country song is What I'd Say. It's a song written.

Speaker 10 It's an old Earl Thomas Conley song called What I'd Say.

Speaker 10 And

Speaker 10 when I was a kid, it was the first time I remember being a kid and going, man, that dude is hurting. His ass is hurting, you know?

Speaker 10 And that's why it always stuck with me.

Speaker 3 Interesting. I've always wondered, because I grew up listening to country music, what is a honky talk? How is a honky talk different from just a bar?

Speaker 10 Well, you know, the key elements of a honky tonk are a sawdust dance floor,

Speaker 10 mostly a jukebox that spins vinyl records.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 10 Just an old band, like a band in the corner behind chicken. You know, honk, you know, honky tonks, you know, the

Speaker 10 honky tonks were, man, they were a thing of beauty back when they were. Most of, you know, honky tonks typically had oyster shells in the parking lot.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 3 So somewhere around the Gulf, maybe.

Speaker 3 What's that? Somewhere around the Gulf of Mexico.

Speaker 1 Well, but

Speaker 10 it was just, it was just another fun little element. I mean, if you're walking into a place, it's got neon, neon lights, certainly.
Neon lights in the window, jukebox, you know.

Speaker 10 a small dance floor. I mean, I play, you know, just shady old characters there.
You know,

Speaker 10 you got people that just

Speaker 10 there every day. You know, some of them have shoes on, some of them don't.

Speaker 10 Same old

Speaker 10 mangy dog laying in the floor.

Speaker 1 That's a honky tongue. No air conditioning.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 We play a game on this show called We Read a Headline, and this headline, I need you to just explain it to me. This is actually from what's today's date.
This is actually from like four days ago.

Speaker 1 Luke Bryan's wife, Caroline, attacked by turkey with a bad reputation.

Speaker 1 what the fuck

Speaker 10 dude so here's the thing people will actually question where whether I'm country or not I'm like

Speaker 10 well I don't get it anyway read the headline dude yeah your wife's getting attacked by turkeys so we so I've got a buddy I got a buddy of mine that thought it would be funny So we've got this little rescue animal barn and we've got some little miniature horses and donkeys and we've got sheep and goats and all kinds of stuff.

Speaker 10 And my wife,

Speaker 10 man, she goes down there and feeds these animals every day and loves on them. And man, it's her, like, it's her,

Speaker 10 you know, she gets, you know, every evening, man, she drives down there and she loves on these animals. It's truly like what she does to get away.
Well, I got this crazy buddy that dropped a damn

Speaker 10 tamed white turkey,

Speaker 10 dropped, you know, dropped the turkey off.

Speaker 10 And

Speaker 10 his name is Al and he's become kind of famous. My wife posts pictures of Al all the time.
So Al lives at our farm. Well, we've had him about three years and my wife just loves the turkey.

Speaker 10 You know, the dogs will go down there and literally the dogs will go down there and just whoop the shit out of Al, you know, just attack him, tear all his feathers out.

Speaker 10 My wife will take him to the vet. He'll stay at the vet, grow his feathers back.
And then, you know, so about once every six months you know something whoops owl's ass well

Speaker 10 as owl has grown and become a mature turkey the wild turkeys at the farm come and whoop his ass about once every three days so owl has gotten more aggressive

Speaker 10 well you know you've heard of like cock fighting right

Speaker 10 Well, the reason why, you know, they have spurs, turkeys have long spurs.

Speaker 10 have y'all ever seen them yeah

Speaker 10 so they're about an inch long well owl's spurs are an inch long so my wife is feeding at the barn and she turns to get on her golf cart and that damn turkey runs up and spurs her behind the kneecap

Speaker 10 and you know you know those two big tendons that run behind your yeah You know, the two big ones that run behind your kneecap? Dude, that spur hit her right in that tendon

Speaker 10 and folded her up, like, yeah, folded her up.

Speaker 1 Jeez.

Speaker 3 So,

Speaker 3 where does this turkey's reputation come into play? It feels like maybe they were demonizing the turkey a bit in the headline.

Speaker 10 He's become,

Speaker 10 well, he's become just famous from his shenanigans. He's always, you know, he'll run the cable guy, he'll run the cable guy up in the, you know,

Speaker 10 you know, he hates me. Like, if I get out of my truck, he'll, he's trying to attack me.
And, you know, turkeys,

Speaker 10 let's just say poultry in general,

Speaker 10 they don't, if you go kick the hell out of them, they don't remember that you kicked them.

Speaker 1 Okay, gotcha.

Speaker 10 They don't, they don't, they don't go, oh, this guy, you know, they just don't have that element. So

Speaker 10 we captured Al and moved him to another farm way out in the country.

Speaker 1 Okay, good. So we can use that.
He's got a bad reputation somewhere else. So you've got to have a song, you know, Big Al or Owl with the Bad Red.

Speaker 1 Bye-bye, Big Al. Bye-bye, Big Al.
If I were you, I would have.

Speaker 10 Did you see my dogs on our

Speaker 1 very good-looking dogs?

Speaker 3 Very good-looking dogs. I would have insisted that we eat Big Al, like the ultimate bit of revenge.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 10 let me just say that you remember that little redneck. I went redneck and

Speaker 10 I drove to the barn to rid us.

Speaker 10 I mean, when you, so, first of all, when a turkey spurs you, so Caroline, my wife, she had to get on steroids, she had to do antibiotics.

Speaker 10 Like, you know, you don't know what kind of bacteria is on a turkey spur. I'm like, you know, that's all I need is my wife to die from a damn turkey attack.

Speaker 10 You know, so anyway, but I went down there to handle Al

Speaker 10 like my dad would have, but my wife pleaded with me. And

Speaker 10 I really, I mean, I have so much money invested in that turkey, you know, you know, like those,

Speaker 10 those tuna, those million-dollar tunas that they catch and ship to China, you know, for the, for Ahi or whatever.

Speaker 10 Yep. Yeah, my price per, Al's price per pound is probably the same as Ahi tuna.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 10 I was going to, I was going to enjoy frying his ass. Yeah.

Speaker 3 He's got a story behind him now. I feel like there would be a bidding more for the, for the rice to Al.
But you pardoned him. Like you did a presidential pardon on that turkey.

Speaker 3 That's very noble of you.

Speaker 1 These dogs are so cute, man. These dogs are some good-looking dogs.
Real good-looking dogs.

Speaker 10 You couldn't pay me money for those dogs. Those are,

Speaker 10 yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, you have a lot of money, so.

Speaker 10 Yeah, but still, you know, everything has a price.

Speaker 1 A billion dollars for one of your dogs.

Speaker 10 Never in a million years.

Speaker 1 Two billion dollars.

Speaker 10 Oh, two. No, you said billion.

Speaker 1 Billion.

Speaker 10 Yeah, billion.

Speaker 1 They're out of there. All right, cool.
Got it. We got your dogs.
We got them. How many pickup trucks? How many pickup trucks?

Speaker 10 I'll go, who was it, Barbara Streisand that cloned her dog or whatever?

Speaker 10 I'll go Barbara Streisand on you and just clone them.

Speaker 1 Clone them. How many pickup trucks do you own?

Speaker 1 He's counting. One, two,

Speaker 1 three.

Speaker 1 That's it?

Speaker 10 Well,

Speaker 10 I've got a

Speaker 10 Chevy Silverado. That's, you know, that's my, that I drive.

Speaker 10 And then I've got a, the best thing I ever did is I've got a Denali that I put like 33 inch 35 inch tires eight inch lift and I totally like made it look like a transformer you know okay so my Denali is essentially a truck and then I've got um

Speaker 10 well I take that back I got a couple farm trucks that some of my farm guys got

Speaker 1 about five trucks yeah if you have a truck that's from before the year 1980 that's like the first truck that you let your kids drive when they're six years old yeah I mean you got you and also you you know your your Chevy Silverado that's your that's your probably going out to dinner truck.

Speaker 1 That's your city truck.

Speaker 10 So my brother, I lost my brother in 96, and he had a white Silverado, and my wife went and found it, and we redid it, and I have that truck, and it's awesome, a 96 Silverado.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's pretty sweet.

Speaker 3 You have like the perfect voice for a country music singer. If they drew it up in a lab, I'm talking to like the ideal voice of a male country music singer.

Speaker 3 Do you find that a lot of people in Nashville like have to work at putting on that inflection, something that comes to you naturally?

Speaker 10 I think that if you're working at it, you know, maybe you can have a few hits and fool people. But I think once the country music consumer kind of goes, you know, this guy doesn't talk like he sings.

Speaker 10 And it's almost like two,

Speaker 10 I think they start sniffing you out.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 10 You know, you.

Speaker 10 you know, you can, you know, the biggest thing, the most important thing for me

Speaker 10 is

Speaker 10 to make sure when they come watch me in concert that I sound like the records. I remember being a kid and going and watching a singer and I'm like, oh, my God, he doesn't, you know, he's a phony.

Speaker 10 He doesn't sound like, he doesn't sound like, so that's always been a big thing for me.

Speaker 10 But, you know, I mean, I think the true.

Speaker 10 the true talents that rise to the surface, I think they're authentic in what they're doing.

Speaker 10 You know, I think when you, get up in that level of 10, 12 big hits, you know, I think you've checked all the boxes and you deserve to be there.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Do you still get nervous before you go on stage?

Speaker 10 You know, not really. I mean, it depends on the environment.
You know, like when I did the Super Bowl at the anthem, you don't get more nervous than that. That's the highest level of nerves.

Speaker 10 But I get jacked up and ready and fired up.

Speaker 10 You know, I mean, now I'm not, you know, I'm not running around, you know, busting bottles over my head, and people are slapping me in the face, getting me pumped up.

Speaker 10 But man, you know, I enjoy the thrill of going out to perform.

Speaker 10 I mean, man, when the lights go down and you can feel that energy in the speakers, I mean, it's the best drug in the world. I mean, you know, it's just nothing gets, nothing's better than that.

Speaker 3 Yeah, when they asked you to perform the national anthem, did you know what the over-under was?

Speaker 10 Well, here's the deal:

Speaker 10 I sang it live, no track,

Speaker 10 which,

Speaker 10 you know, I'm not bragging, but I don't know if anybody's really done that in a while. I mean,

Speaker 1 I do, I've done it like seven times, but yeah, go ahead for our rough and routing.

Speaker 10 So, what was interesting is every time I performed it, one minute it'd be two minutes, 11 seconds. The next minute it'd be 214.

Speaker 10 So, so when I got in the moment, so when you walk out there to perform it,

Speaker 10 like I realized that I was doing pretty damn good. I was like, my confidence started building within the moment.

Speaker 10 And then I started milking it a little bit and kind of trying to, you know, because once, you know, the biggest part is walking your ass out there.

Speaker 10 And the announcer going, ladies and gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen, here to perform our nation's anthem. I mean,

Speaker 10 if you hadn't shit in your pants by then, you're probably going to make it, you know?

Speaker 10 And then when I started actually singing it on key, on time, and you start hearing the crowd start, you know, everybody's like,

Speaker 10 you know, you start hearing all that. Then I started milking it and I ran over a little bit.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 10 I cost some of my buddies a little bit of money, but hell with them.

Speaker 1 I had one last question. I read that before every show,

Speaker 1 you eat a whole bag of Lay's potato chips. Is that true?

Speaker 10 That is, that's an old deal. That was, I used to eat them in the studio when I was singing a little bit.

Speaker 1 Okay, so you don't eat them anymore?

Speaker 10 I tend, I don't eat them before a show.

Speaker 10 That not, no, rare, you know, I'll,

Speaker 10 you know, the beauty of a potato chip like that, the oil and the salt is really soothing.

Speaker 10 So, if your voice is really, like, if you guys are on the air, we should start doing that, you've done a lot of talking

Speaker 10 and your voice is about gone, and you want to soothe your voice a little bit, eat a, you know, eat a lace.

Speaker 1 You got to start eating more potato sauce.

Speaker 1 I never knew that. Is it true?

Speaker 3 Is it true that you get a better singing voice the heavier you are?

Speaker 10 I don't know about that. I know that the male voice

Speaker 10 reaches full maturity, they say, at 38 years old.

Speaker 1 Oh, so maybe one day I'll be able to sing. Yeah, we haven't peaked yet.

Speaker 3 Something to look forward to.

Speaker 1 We're both 35, so we've got three years.

Speaker 10 Lovely. Three years, and you're ready to move to Nashville, boys.

Speaker 1 Yes, become a star.

Speaker 3 Were you jealous and upset that you didn't think of the word chillaxification first before Kenny Chesney did?

Speaker 10 Oh, Chesney? Yeah. Hey, that's pretty damn, you know, I couldn't even begin to spell that one.

Speaker 3 Do you know what chillaxification means? Because we figured out with the chill part, the lax part, but what's the effication?

Speaker 10 Well, see, I love metamusal.

Speaker 10 So lax, maybe laxative, like chill. Yeah.

Speaker 10 There you go.

Speaker 1 close. See, but

Speaker 1 this is why Luke is a genius. He would have just, his tour would have just been, let's chill and relax.
That's right. You know?

Speaker 10 I'm thinking about bowel movements and how healthy that is to make your day go great.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Yep.

Speaker 1 Just chill out.

Speaker 3 Just a chill tour. Just chill out.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, Luke, this has been awesome, man.
Born here, live here, die here. is out this week.
We're going to run it the week that it comes out. We appreciate you stopping by via Zoom.

Speaker 1 We'd love to have you on in person next time you're able to travel in your New York City, but this has been a lot of fun, man.

Speaker 10 Hey, thanks for having me, guys. Love the show.
And, man, like I said, thanks for having me on.

Speaker 1 All right. Thanks so much, man.
Have a good one.

Speaker 10 Have a great summer.

Speaker 1 Okay, thanks to Luke Brian. Awesome interview.
Before we get to segments. What's up, guys? It's Big Cat here making my Irish entrance with proper number 12 Irish whiskey.

Speaker 1 How do you make an Irish entrance, you ask? It starts with a shot of proper number 12 Irish whiskey because real friends don't let friends Irish exit a party without a story to tell.

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Mix it up with some ginger ale for a classic and refreshing proper ginger.

Speaker 1 In the mood for something smooth but a little sweeter, try proper Irish Apple, a delicious blend of proper's award-winning Irish whiskey with crisp, fresh notes notes of apple.

Speaker 1 So get out there and make your Irish entrance. Anything else just wouldn't be proper.

Speaker 1 Okay, segments. And we have a Monday reading.

Speaker 1 First up, we have Way to Stay Relevant Golf. Awesome

Speaker 1 playoff today in one of the tournaments they're doing. I think it was Dustin Johnson.
No, was it Justin Thompson? Justin Thompson. Justin Thomas versus

Speaker 1 Colin Morakawa. There we go.
Jake's got all the pronunciations. I saw some highlights, and I saw some highlights because it wasn't on TV.
How, how,

Speaker 1 how do they have a golf tournament when there's no other sports happening and it's not on TV?

Speaker 3 Because they were too busy doing the broadcast of like the pro-am.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 3 Who was in the pro-am? It was like Kyle Williams from the Bills.

Speaker 4 Darren Williams.

Speaker 3 Darren Williams was in there.

Speaker 1 Yeah. How?

Speaker 1 This is like the MLB having the blackout.

Speaker 3 You have a problem with your sports

Speaker 3 when people would rather watch people from other sports playing your sports than the best people at your sports.

Speaker 1 And it was thrilling and awesome. Yeah, you're right.
It would basically be like,

Speaker 1 the NBA is back. Let's watch the celebrity game from last year's All-Star.

Speaker 1 Yeah, weekend.

Speaker 3 Watch Woge and Schefter go one-on-one.

Speaker 1 What's going on? What is going on, golf? Do we need to fix golf? I think we do. We should see Brooks to start.
And they're not on Fox anymore.

Speaker 4 No more Joe Buck.

Speaker 3 Okay, so bring it back to Fox.

Speaker 1 Wait, involve the U.S. Open, though.

Speaker 4 I'm pretty sure they didn't re-up their contract or something. But

Speaker 3 he's got this year.

Speaker 4 Yeah, but I recently remember them all tweeting, like, oh, you know, we were doing so much stuff with Fox. It's a shame that it's over.

Speaker 5 Okay.

Speaker 3 You want to fix golf?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Make the balls different colors. Neon-colored balls for each player.
Involve Cletus, the dancing Fox robot something.

Speaker 3 Even when it's not on Fox.

Speaker 1 Let everyone do the same steroids that Bryson DeChambeau is doing.

Speaker 3 Allegedly. Yeah, throw Bryson DeChambau into a well.
This year.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 4 U.S. Open will return to NBC beginning with this year's championship.

Speaker 1 What? They can just pull it on Joe Buck like that? Oh, poor Joe.

Speaker 3 What did he do to just say that? What do you say?

Speaker 11 Go ahead, Jake. I have the reason why the golf was not on TV.
They moved it up to 7 a.m. this morning due to weather.
So it was still slated at 3 p.m.

Speaker 11 But yeah, contractually, they couldn't show it this morning.

Speaker 1 There was no weather issues. Stand it.
Just figure it out. Here you go.
Build a dope. There were no weather issues.
They would have had it.

Speaker 1 This is why they need someone who just sits in all of these places. What was playing on TV? Bull riding!

Speaker 1 which is electric but dog competition was on too they just need one person at all these companies at ESPN CBS NBC who just sits there and he's like wait this makes no fucking sense just put it on TV I'll answer for it later I would love to see Chris Berman get back involved in golf Yes.

Speaker 3 That's actually an easy way for him to get back in front of a camera, just like send him to the best golf resorts in the world.

Speaker 1 And he also doesn't really need, I mean, golf, the golf telecast, the best part about the golf telecast is when they put like Vern Lundquist at like 17.

Speaker 1 He just sits there and he just announces that hole all day. Yeah, it's awesome.

Speaker 3 Berman could do it from his living room. Yes.
Just give him like a glass of iced tea and a lazy boy recliner and boomer will deliver you golf.

Speaker 1 Ready to go. All right, we have a drunk idea.
What was this drunk idea?

Speaker 3 Yeah, we just we were talking about this earlier.

Speaker 1 So it wasn't a drunk idea.

Speaker 3 Well, it was,

Speaker 3 I consider all of our brains to be kind of drunk right now with how online we are and how

Speaker 3 like difficult this last couple, three, four months has been without any sports. But it is kind of a drunk idea.
It's what if they made a video game that was just an Obama simulator?

Speaker 1 So it's just Obama.

Speaker 3 You get to be Obama in the White House.

Speaker 1 Not after? I want to make my Netflix special.

Speaker 3 No, you don't get to do that. You have to be in the White House.
So you have to deal with, like, you have to go play basketball with whatever person from UNC is over at the time.

Speaker 3 And then you have to go to the situation room and try to double tap somebody from Al-Qaeda. You get to make new drones with your bare hands.

Speaker 1 Do something cool. Tweet something cool.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And sign a B.O.

Speaker 3 Yeah, sign a B.O.

Speaker 1 Drop a mic.

Speaker 3 Drop a mic. Drop a mic.
You get to.

Speaker 1 Sounds like the most boring game of all time.

Speaker 3 You get to,

Speaker 3 let's see, you're chilling in the Rose Garden, and you have to give a speech, and then some boring-ass reporter has to ask you follow-up questions, and you can throw something at them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm out on the Obama session. On the Obama music, this year definitely was an idea.
I was half listening when we talked about this idea.

Speaker 3 I think it's a great idea.

Speaker 1 It was good when I heard it. That's why I'm out.
No, no, no. You saying it was good.

Speaker 7 No, because you can play basketball with Michael Jordan. And

Speaker 7 he didn't describe the part about how the video game with the drone is going to be like, Michelle's going to be like,

Speaker 1 get off your game. And it's like, get off your game.
So you're basically

Speaker 1 playing Call of Duty and like

Speaker 1 NBA 2K. Yeah.
But in the White House.

Speaker 3 And then Michelle comes in and she's like, you want to fuck Obama? And he's like, yeah, I'll fuck you. And she's like, okay, Obama.

Speaker 1 You just tried to do an Obama. No, I didn't.

Speaker 3 I did.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you did.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you did.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you did.

Speaker 1 Let's be clear.

Speaker 1 Oh, don't. Listen, please don't.

Speaker 1 I've got a massive erection here.

Speaker 1 Please don't.

Speaker 3 I'm going to use the pocket beat up.

Speaker 1 Okay. Mochelle, I got a UAV over here.
You know what? I'm in on the idea if we don't do any more Obama impressions.

Speaker 1 All right. Okay.
They release a new one every four years. Let's be clear.
Someone's got to make the Obama. Who's that guy who made us those video games? Remember him?

Speaker 1 Like, he was making all those games online, the three-point shooter that was so sick? where'd he go

Speaker 1 that guy needs to come back where you get to build your own death panel that'd be sick i want that guy to come back maybe he can build it for us it's called jade home all right uh gonna take over texas all right to the ad to the ad i can't do this i'm kicking off the game billy

Speaker 1 billy okay okay

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Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 let's do our Monday reading. Before we do it, we're going to absolutely admit this is most likely fake, but it's still hilarious and still a great idea and still a good Monday reading.
So we know.

Speaker 1 We're not dumb. We know.
But if it wasn't, it would be incredible. Okay, here it is.

Speaker 1 My 25-year-old boyfriend keeps asking me to invest in his soup tube business idea, and I'm not sure how to deal with it.

Speaker 3 Sounds like a good idea.

Speaker 1 Yeah, wait till you hear it, because it's even better than I initially thought. Uh, okay, here it goes.
I've been living with my boyfriend for about seven months.

Speaker 1 Two weeks ago, he sat me down and presented a PowerPoint presentation with his business idea. This, that is just a hilarious visual to begin with.

Speaker 3 Do you think she's rich?

Speaker 1 Or just like, I need your backing? Like, we're about to sink everything we have into this idea. Into my soup.

Speaker 1 I want you to be ride or die with me. Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's always good when you have to put together a deck for your spouse.

Speaker 1 Yes, a PowerPoint in the living room.

Speaker 1 That's where real business gets made.

Speaker 1 I knew he'd been working on an idea, but he didn't want to tell me about it until it was finished.

Speaker 1 Based on his enthusiasm and his prior seemingly intelligent nature, I thought maybe it'd be a pretty cool idea. Instead, he presented to me an idea about soup tubes.

Speaker 1 The idea, if you can call it that, whoa, that's already really judging that way.

Speaker 1 The idea, if you can call it that, is to construct a series of tubes throughout our city that leads to centralized soup kitchens.

Speaker 1 For a monthly subscription, a customer can subscribe to a tube of soup, and a tube extension would be built off the nearest mainline tube and directly directly into the customer apartment or home.

Speaker 3 I love how how in this guy's imagination cities are like that you've got power lines you've got water lines and then you've got soup soup tubes that's just soup tubes that connects every single thing together.

Speaker 1 This is I mean it is genius.

Speaker 3 Yes. I mean find the flaw in it.

Speaker 1 Difficult to pull off? Yes. but genius nonetheless.
So

Speaker 1 based on a subscription level that would determine the quantity of soup a customer could pour and how many types of soup, the tubes are basically the size of pipes like you might see under a sink.

Speaker 1 But he insisted that it must be called soup tube, not soup pipe. Tube just zings better.
I completely agree.

Speaker 3 Soup tube. Soup tube.
You've also got that cross-promotion thing going on. People are used to saying YouTube.
Yeah. It kind of sounds similar to that.

Speaker 1 What would you

Speaker 1 probably get like some kind of

Speaker 3 chili?

Speaker 1 Uh-huh.

Speaker 3 Cereal?

Speaker 1 Cereal. Cereal soup.
What tubes would you get hooked up?

Speaker 3 Pho. I would get pho tubes.

Speaker 1 Maybe a clean chowder. Maybe ramen.

Speaker 3 I feel like the chowder would get a little funky if you didn't clean it out of it.

Speaker 1 A little chicken noodle, just some basic chicken noodle. Tomato.

Speaker 3 Tomato soup. Tomato basil.
Yeah. That'd be good.

Speaker 1 So I would need all these

Speaker 1 five or six tubes in my house linked up. Could you imagine the property value, too, when you're looking for a new home? Like this guy already has 10 different tubes installed.

Speaker 3 Dude, it's huge. So you you could waste your time going to the grocery store and buying cans of soup or you could just put your bowl underneath a fucking tube in your kitchen.

Speaker 1 This also is kind of the way that like in in an Orwellian world where we all just like the government just puts tubes in all of our homes and just instead of going to there's no grocery stores anymore.

Speaker 1 They just like pump food through the tubes to us.

Speaker 3 You're gonna eat the soup. You're gonna eat whatever the fuck we put into your

Speaker 1 baby tube and then there's a like an adult tube.

Speaker 3 Uh-huh. It's like Soylent.

Speaker 3 We're basically at the Soylent age right now. Yes.

Speaker 1 This would actually work with beer.

Speaker 1 Like just for the subscription.

Speaker 1 No. Yeah, you're right.
You're right. Beer tubes would work.

Speaker 3 Yeah, like people would actually do that.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Beer tubes.
Why? The problem is. I'm going to Zuckerberg, this guy? Yeah, I'm going to Zuckerberg.

Speaker 1 Beer tubes.

Speaker 3 Beer tubes. That's a prop that's intellectual property.

Speaker 7 Billy just fucking flipped this thing.

Speaker 1 Beer tube. That actually would work.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Also, wait, check the channel.

Speaker 3 So you turn the entire town into a bar.

Speaker 7 Yes. There's just a single keg in the middle.

Speaker 1 Right. It's just a reservoir of beer.

Speaker 7 Like, instead of like a water tower, it's just a beer tower.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's just a big connect. Everybody.
I like that. Okay.

Speaker 7 What's beertube.com? Is it taken yet?

Speaker 3 Yeah, it is. Probably is.
It's definitely taken.

Speaker 3 Why don't you just have it be like pure alcohol?

Speaker 1 Not taken. No? Buy that shit.

Speaker 3 Beertube.com. Purchase it too.

Speaker 1 Dude, buy that shit. I just sucker cucked this dude.
Dude, buy it.

Speaker 3 What if you just had pure alcohol and everybody just had like an IV drip all the time? So everyone was walking around buzz.

Speaker 3 Or patches.

Speaker 1 Patches. Yeah.
Alcohol patches. All right, so let's get back to soup tube, but I like your idea, Billy.
Good job.

Speaker 1 I couldn't believe what I was hearing. At first, I asked if he was crankyanking me or something, but he was completely sincere.
Obviously, the idea is completely insane.

Speaker 1 The notion that the city would authorize somebody to construct a series of tubes everywhere that carries soup into homes is, is of course ludicrous.

Speaker 1 And even if such an initiative was approved, the cost for such an operation would be ridiculous. Now this is this is a this is a naysayer and a person who doesn't dream.

Speaker 3 Surround yourself by positive people in your life because she is being very judgmental about this.

Speaker 3 There's always a million reasons not to construct a city just out of metal tubes that feeds soup from a centralized location.

Speaker 3 But if you really want to get into it, what this person has done with their idea of soup tubes, they just pitched their girlfriend in the living room, and now the world knows about this idea.

Speaker 3 So it seems to me like the marketing is already taken care of. Right, and it seems like it's a great idea.

Speaker 1 Right, it went viral, and it's like, hey, soup tube, you would have to charge outrageous prices for customers to install and subscribe to a soup tube. And who would pay?

Speaker 1 I just love the name soup tube. And who would pay for such a service when canned soup costs like a dollar or two? You have to fucking go out and buy the canned soup, idiots.

Speaker 3 Yeah, if they asked Henry Ford what Americans wanted, he said that they would have said, build a faster horse. Right.
He built a car.

Speaker 1 I also, I would assume the soup tube, it's fresh soup.

Speaker 3 Well, we would assume so, yeah.

Speaker 1 Right. Maybe

Speaker 3 they just buy all the can. If I'm making soup tubes, I just go to every fucking grocery store in town.
I buy all the cans of soup. You have no choice but to get your soup from me.
Right.

Speaker 1 Or you can buy soup from a restaurant for a few dollars. Again, doesn't come in a tube.
I explained these things as politely as I could, but he dismissed them.

Speaker 1 And all I said that tube-based soup delivery is the wave of the future. He then asked me how much I wanted to invest, and I told him nothing, and he looked absolutely heartbroken.

Speaker 1 Since then, almost every day, he's asked again for me to invest and keeps trying to sell me on this idea. He's also doing the same thing to a lot of his friends.
I want to be friends with this guy.

Speaker 3 I was going to say, at the start of the story, I thought maybe this dude lost in fantasy football last year, and this was like the big bet that he had to pay off.

Speaker 3 Where it's like, okay, you got to pitch your game,

Speaker 3 like the soup tube idea. Yeah.
And you have to stay committed to it. That could be one reason why this is going around right now.

Speaker 3 But I think a much more likely reason is that this is just a great idea.

Speaker 1 It's a fucking great idea.

Speaker 3 I would, like, no exaggeration, I would pay, I'd probably have like five or six different soup tubes installed in my kitchen right now.

Speaker 1 Out of the Monday readings we've done, Davin Buster's guy's number one. The dude who, what would he call showers? The guy who started talking like the Sopranos.
I like that guy. Drappini.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm going ahead to Drappini. He's number two.
Soup Tube's number three.

Speaker 5 I like the mouse guy. Oh, yeah, the mouse guy, too.

Speaker 1 But Drapini, I still think about the mouse guy.

Speaker 4 I hope that guy and his girlfriend are doing okay.

Speaker 3 What about the guy that just jerked off onto the rug next to his bed all the time?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was weird, too. But I like Soup Tube guys, so let's finish this up.
It is starting to drive me up the wall. First, I'm at a loss at how he can believe such a stupid idea is worthwhile.

Speaker 1 Second, it is really goddamn annoying to be asked on a daily basis to invest in a system of soup tubes.

Speaker 1 And third, I'm also concerned for his sanity. Other than his apparent obsession with this,

Speaker 1 though, he has shown no other signs. I would like some advice as to how I can reason with him or whether I should even continue this relationship.

Speaker 1 Too long didn't read my boyfriend wants me to invest in a business venture wherein tubes would deliver soup.

Speaker 1 That's fucking genius.

Speaker 3 You know what it is? He's just reverse engineered a toilet. He's also, this is.

Speaker 3 It's the exact opposite of taking a crack and sending all your waste to somebody. This is like the circle of life.

Speaker 3 What if you team up with a sewage treatment plant and then all of a sudden you've got a monopoly on the consumption and the elimination of waste?

Speaker 1 This is also a child of coronavirus.

Speaker 1 Like this is a guy who's been sitting in his house all day looking at the same fucking wall and being like, damn, I wish there were some tubes coming out of that wall with soup.

Speaker 1 These are the type, like coronavirus and the pandemic have been terrible. But there will be genius ideas like soup tube that will come out of this and we'll be better off as a a society.

Speaker 3 I think what's going to happen is it's ahead of its time. And so 75 years from now, we'll all have Soup Tube in our house.

Speaker 3 And we'll look back at this guy and be like, can you believe that we laughed at him? Right. I don't think.
I'm on the right side of history here.

Speaker 1 Dude, I'm ready to go as far as to say that we should tube everything. Like we should have human tubes instead of cars.

Speaker 3 I never want to leave my house.

Speaker 1 No, just like imagine if you wanted to come to work and you just got sucked up in your human tube and just spit out here. The Elon's working on that.

Speaker 3 Yeah, like we're at a bank and you're just sitting to yourself.

Speaker 1 Correct. Yes, I like that.
A quick meal with a soup, you just quickly put your mouth on it and then you chug the soup. You chug the soup and run.
What if it's hot?

Speaker 7 Well, maybe you can just set your temperature how you want it.

Speaker 3 That's for like special occasions, Cat. For like a family meal, you want a hot soup.
But with quick soup. If you wake up.

Speaker 1 Is it all you can eat after you subscribe?

Speaker 3 I'm sure it is. Think of all the time that you would save.
You wake up, you're late for work,

Speaker 3 stop in the kitchen real quick, just like shoot a shotgun load of like 70 milliliters of clam chowder into my throat and I'm out the door wait couldn't you just then open up a soup restaurant with all the soup tubes and just undercut them you have to that's a reseller's deal so you have to have a license for that right that seems like you can make communal soup so why would why would anybody go to the soup tube restaurant when you get

Speaker 1 your soup tube out your house soup tube the initial installation is cost prohibitive i would understand like someone's i would imagine that soup tube you know what they should do is soup tube it should be like mortgages.

Speaker 1 You can basically pay, you know, you can get a down payment on your soup tube install and you pay monthly. You put it on a layaway.
Right, exactly. So everyone can get a soup tube for everyone.

Speaker 1 The American dream is everyone owns a soup tube. Like a water fountain and a soup fountain at the playgrounds.

Speaker 5 So all the little kids can soup tube.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Especially in like cold weather places. No one will go hungry.

Speaker 3 That's true. We'd eliminate a big problem in today's society.
Boom.

Speaker 1 Soup everywhere.

Speaker 3 I love it. Listen, I really do enjoy this idea.
I think I would unironically purchase this system.

Speaker 1 Absolutely.

Speaker 1 If I could just hit a button and have soup, any kind of soup,

Speaker 1 in my bowl at home.

Speaker 3 It's like a Coca-Cola freestyle machine, except for soup. Right.
Imagine that.

Speaker 1 It would be incredible. So soup tube, yes.
Beer tube. Are you going to buy beertube.com?

Speaker 7 Let's see how much it costs.

Speaker 1 Okay. Ah, there's no way he's going to be.
Could I have an investment? Yes.

Speaker 7 Would you invest in BeerTube?

Speaker 1 Yes. Perfect.
$100.

Speaker 1 Awesome.

Speaker 1 Okay. What are you going to do with it?

Speaker 4 He was just doing the math on how much a speeding ticket was.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, he was.

Speaker 1 Alright, I'll give you $100, but I want 15% of the company. Okay.
Perfect. Damn, that's a low valuation, dude.

Speaker 7 I'm just going to buy a beer bong.

Speaker 1 And be like, this is the prototype. I've invented a beer tube.

Speaker 3 It's a really long beer bong, and I go stand up on the roof, and I pour beer into it, and it goes into various rooms.

Speaker 7 I'm going to hire some employees, and they're going to be my buddies.

Speaker 1 I'll pay you $100 to just take off those stupid fucking shoes.

Speaker 7 Seriously? Put it up.

Speaker 1 Do you have $100 on it? Yes. No, Billy, don't take them off.

Speaker 3 I'm gonna smell awful.

Speaker 1 Actually, don't take them off. Yeah, don't take them off.
Wednesday, we have Tim Woods back. So, Dungeon and Dragons, that will be interesting.
We'll see everyone then.

Speaker 3 Love you guys.

Speaker 3 You got me feeling diamond rich.

Speaker 3 Nothing on this planet compares to it. Don't you agree?

Speaker 3 Don't you agree?

Speaker 3 I'm night, I'm riding with you.

Speaker 3 I know you got my back, and you know I got you.

Speaker 3 Come on, come on,

Speaker 3 come on, come on, come on, come on.

Speaker 3 Let's get through the cold.

Speaker 3 Lights down

Speaker 3 on the night.

Speaker 3 Baby, keep on dancing like you ain't got choice. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

Speaker 3 Let's get through the cold.

Speaker 3 It's Pardon My Take presented by Far School Sports.

Speaker 3 Let's get physical.

Speaker 3 All night, I ride with you.

Speaker 3 I know you got my back, and you know I got true. But come up, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

Speaker 3 Let's Let's get this cold.

Speaker 3 High ground, top of the night.

Speaker 3 Baby, keep on dancing like you ain't got a choice. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

Speaker 3 Let's get through the core.