Trevor Bauer, Patrick Mahomes Got PAID And Tik Tok Drama

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On today's Pardon My Take, we have a packed, packed show. We have Trevor Bauer talking about baseball coming back from a player's perspective, what he's experiencing, will baseball be played? We have Patrick Mahomes getting absolutely paid, paid, paid, paid.
We have Hot Seat Cool Throne. We have a great Mount Rushmore.
We have Guys on Chicks, PR 101 for Deshaun Jackson. Tons of stuff.
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Okay, let's go.

Boys!

Boys!

Now in the street there is violence. Hey! on the sun oh no we're gonna rock down to electric avenue and then we'll take it higher oh we're gonna rock down to electric avenue it's part of my take presented by barstool sports welcome to part of my take presented by the cash app go download it right now use code barstool you get ten dollars for free ten dollars to the aspca today is wednesday july 8th and since all my drama has been put out on the internet for the world to judge me let's lay out everyone else's anthony got with cynthia a week after we uh we broke up on tour my god jayden actively tried to hook up with Dixie at our house on the 4th of July in front of me while she was dating Griffin.
That's so Jaden. Griffin cheated on Dixie with Taylor's ex-Kaelin and Bryce's ex-L.
Oh, my God. Jaden and Josh cheated endless amounts of times on Mads and Nessa for the past few months.
Nessa? And Keo cheated on Olivia.

The only person who has a right to be upset with me is Charlie, and I'm sorry I hurt her.

We broke up and I messed up by kissing Nessa.

I'm not sorry to Josh.

We are not boys, and we haven't been boys since he lied to Charlie saying I had an STD six months ago trying to get her to stop seeing me.

I'm not going to let these hypocrites try and ruin my life without their lives being out on the internet too. I've never felt so old when I saw TikTok trending on Tuesday, Monday night, and this was the message we got out of it.
This is what happens any time that one social media platform trends on another social media platform. I'm just always lost about it.
And it's Shakespearean drama. It's crazy.
We're going to get to Patrick Mahomes. Don't worry.
But this is clearly the biggest news of the day. TikTok is falling apart.
TikTok stars are falling apart. I just want to go through these names again because it's fucking hilarious.
Anthony and Cynthia. Those are normal names.
Some takey nominees. Yeah.
Some takey nominees. Yeah.
It really broke their hearts. No, literally.
These are the people. Literally.
It broke their hearts not winning 19-year-old the year, and they just lashed out. I like that they eased us in with Anthony and Cynthia.
There were Anthony and Cynthia's in 1950. Then we got to Jaden, Dixie, Griffin, Taylor, Kalen.
I can't believe Dixie hasn't changed her name yet. Bryce, L, Jaden again, Josh, Mads and Nessa, Kio.
Kio, wait. What the fuck? How do you spell Kio? K-I-O.
Of course. I don't.
I've never felt so old. We're going to get to it in a hot sequel.
It's wrong, but that is the funniest statement that's ever been released. You alluded to it.
Patrick Mahomes gets paid half a billion dollars. All of a sudden, the platform that his brother is on and all his competition

gets canceled immediately yeah you don't think that money pays for some a little uh little

detective work point good point pft it's um yeah that that i can't wait i wish i could hit a fast

forward button from like 15 years from now and have who who wrote this chase hudson huddy huddy

is old huddy little huddy i want him to i want to flash forward to when little huddy's like 40 years old and put that slide it right in front of his face and be like,

you know,

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you know, you know, you the second you start tweeting. No, he wrote it in his notes.
Yeah, he notes apped it. The second that you start typing anything into notes app, you know that some shit's about to pop off.
Yes. That's turning the key on the submarine to launch a nuclear missile.
I hope I never get to any place in my life where I have to unironically post a notes app because at that point, I don't think there's any coming back from that. I'm pissed that Little Huddy messed up by kissing Nessa.
That was the ultimate betrayal. To be fair, they were on a break.
Where do all these people exist? Oh, well, I mean, it basically is like Romeo and Juliet. Instead of the Capulets and the Montelogues or whatever, there's the Sway House and there's the Hype House.
And all these people are divided between those two houses. There's, you know, I don't really know.
Do you know who we get? They're in California. It's all just like all your fear of California teens.
They all organize in these two houses, and that's where it all goes down. Thankfully, they're just going to take each other apart.
What we need is knowing, like, just hearing the name Sway and Hype and, like, knowing that 10 years ago, all these people who were on TikTok would have been, like, ex-gamers. We need Sal Masekela to get in here and intervene and let us know what's going on.
No, they probably would have been it. You would have had one.
Dude, you're telling me that they just dance. They're all dancing.
That is pretty athletic. That is pretty athletic.
You're telling me that they've been ripping rail grinds 10 years ago? He's just dancing. How old are these people, too? The girl Charlie is 16 years old.
Oh, okay. No, this is exactly Shakespearean.
I'm pretty sure that everybody in Shakespeare was like 10 years younger than you think they are when you read the plays. Yeah.
Everyone's like 12 to 18 years old. Holy shit.
All right. So that's TikTok drama.
I just saw that and it was one of the funniest things I've read. Unintentionally one of the funniest things that have been put on the internet.
Well, it's also, and I obviously don't really understand it either, but it's a classic situation of like this kid got called out and instead of just owning up to it, he decided to just throw all the gas on the fire and just blow up everything publicly. All the people kissing each other.
How does this tie into DogCoin? That's the real question about this. The Dogecoin? Yeah, they're pumping and dumping.
They're pumping and dumping Dogecoin and so people are saying that this Notes app got Notes app just as a distraction. I'm pissed that I'm not in it on Dogecoin.
I'm long. This feels like...
I'm long on Dogecoin. Full disclaimer.
I have been long on Dogecoin. It's a sliding door moment though.
It's like I picked Bitcoin to Jen. I trusted Steven Seagal and his pyramid scheme that was literally a pyramid scheme.
I fucked up. I should have done Dogecoin with the meme talkers.
Yeah, the memes were way stronger on Dogecoin sucks. All right.
Speaking of money, let's talk about the real story. Patrick Mahomes got fucking paid.

Ten-year extension, $503 million.

This is the ultimate contract tweet porn that I still don't even understand his contract.

Guaranteed mechanisms were trending because that was part of it.

And it seems like it's a rolling contract that they get to keep paying him and then he can get out at any time but either way he made a shitload of money yeah the bottom line is he's rich as fuck and he's going to be even richer living in kansas city where he doesn't he's a 24 year old that never has to pay for a beer in his hometown so right there that's worth at least like two million a year plus he's getting about 500 million it's like the the guaranteed mechanisms part of the contract doesn't make sense to me but they also said that it's not going to be rolling with a cbr with the with the cap is right the cap hit jumps up to like 60 million dollars in five or six years at that point he'll probably have renegotiated right he's going to keep renegotiating he does get uh guaranteed 63 million63 million signing and a total guarantee is up to $141 million by March 2022. Now, you say the cap it because this is the ultimate.
Patrick Mahomes is worth it because he's – it's almost like he's worth it because he already won a Super Bowl and you'd pay a lot of money for a Super Bowl.

Any franchise would.

But the ultimate question now is,

will paying Patrick Mahomes this much hurt the team?

And of course it will because he's getting paid a lot of money.

And is it going to be worth it in the long run

when you have to figure out a way to cobble together a team

by paying Patrick Mahomes this much? I think the way that this summer has gone, you're kind of banking on the fact that the earth might not exist in 10 years. So you might as well give somebody a massive contract and then, you know, three, four years down the line, it's like if the earth's still around, then yeah, we'll figure out that problem.
We'll roll that ball down the hill. But anybody that plays with Patrick Mahomes is actually going to be elevated to a much higher level.
Correct. So, like, you can afford to kind of recycle or get new wide receivers on rookie deals.
You can get guys that are free agents that might not be that expensive. And just putting him in proximity of that arm, they're going to be worth a lot more.
But depth and margin for error gets a lot slimmer. And I'm not saying that they shouldn't have paid him.
They clearly should have paid him. Now paid him now obviously i would never like could you imagine rooting for the same quarterback for like 15 years that's lane i'm happy that sounds boring it's terrible and then like someone else and then someone else and then someone else and mitch he hasn't had his deal yet so we don't know what it's going to be well this sets the market right there's there's actually a non-zero chance that the Chicago Bears see this, and they're like, you know

what? We picked Mitch ahead

of Patrick Mahomes, so technically

I think we should probably pay him

$560 million.

I want to think about it, Big Cat. Tom Brady's been a constant in my

life since I was 10 years old, Super Bowls,

six Super Bowls. The loss of him leaving

is something that's really been hard for me to handle.

I can't grow emotional to anyone. You don't have to worry about that.

Yeah, it's in and out. So I want to get back to the Mitch aspect.
But the Patrick Mahomes, so he is part of elite company. There are 13 guys who have won Super Bowl MVP and league MVP.
Nine of them, nine out of 13, are in the Hall of Fame. The other three are Aaron Rodgers, Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, and then the 13th is Patrick Mahomes.
So essentially you're saying he's already a Hall of Famer. He is already in the upper, upper, upper echelon of NFL players when you actually break it down.
It's like there's only been 13 who have done this, and they're all fucking special. So how many Super Bowls does he have to win in the next 10 years to make this contract worth it? I would say if he wins six Super Bowls on top of the one that he already has, then it's absolutely worth it.
Oh, I'd say it's way less. I'd say if he wins two more.
If he wins three Super Bowls total, I think it's worth it. I mean, it's probably worth it.
No, actually, let me take it back. It's worth it right now.
right now listen you know what i just talked myself into right there i talked myself into an actual skip bayless debate on like at what point is that who gives a fuck how much money the chiefs spend on patrick mahomes he's awesome he's going to get paid and he's going to be awesome to watch for me as an outsider for the next 10 years i wish they'd paid him more i if you though said uh over under superbowls for patrick mahomes and you said it at let's say three and a half i would hammer the under and that's that's nothing against patrick mahomes that's just the nfl look at the the the big case for uh can you keep a roster intact when you pay a quarterback that much is russell wilson russell wilson first four years in the league the se Seahawks were dominant. They win a Super Bowl.
They go to another one. The last four years, they're still good.
So they won 46 games in the first four years, regular season games. They won 40 games in the last four years.
And you might think six games isn't a lot, but they missed the playoffs by a game. They missed the bye by a game twice.
So out of those four years, you basically eliminated a chance. You know, getting a bye greatly increases your chances.
So is Russell Wilson worth it? Yes. But it makes it a hell of a lot harder when you don't have the same depth and margin for error when you put together a roster.
You know who this really sucks for more than anybody? Is the people that just got Madden. And they're trying to set up their dynasty mode.
And Patrick Mahomes used to be a very affordable quarterback. And now with a live update, they're getting absolutely hammered in their ability to create a team.
Like, fuck that. I would actually get a refund if I were them.
How much of a difference do you think Andy Reid makes in that situation versus Pete Carroll? So, Andy Reid, it's a good question, Hank. I think you absolutely, he, well, no, I think Pete Carroll's a very good coach.
Andy Reid's a better offensive coach, obviously, but Andy Reid, now that he has a Super Bowl, he's not going to coach forever. He's not going to be there for Patrick Holmes.
What else is he going to do? I don't, I don't think Andy, I think Andy Reid's probably got five more years, maybe. I mean, well, he said today, I'm a happy guy.
I'm wearing my best Tommy Bahama. So he wore that as like his formal Hawaiian shirt is what he wore today.
I shudder to think what Andy Reid's retirement Tommy Bahama shirt looks like. Oh, it's going to be great.
Because him having like a really nice one implies that he has like mood rings of Hawaiian shirts that he puts on. If he wakes up curious, if he wakes up angry, if he wakes up just in a great mood.
He got a quarterback for the next 10 years. But, yeah, I don't think that Andy is sticking around.
He's 62. Yeah, he's 62.
So Andy feels like a guy that might start fading off into the sunset. He also has a ring.
He has a ring. He changes everything.
If he gets another Super Bowl, he might retire at that point. Right.
You can't expect Andy Reid to be there for the length of – I don't't expect Patrick Mahomes contract to be there for the length of the car. I mean, it's like we said, it's going to renegotiate who knows what's going to happen.
I, you, it's one of those weird spots in sports where you have to pay him blank check, $500 million, but you also have to acknowledge that it's going to be a hell of a lot harder going forward when he takes up 13 14 of the cap and putting together a roster but i guess that's why you also pay andy reed and you hope that patrick holmes like you said elevates everyone else when i first saw this contract i saw 500 million my my initial thought is that if i had if i had that much money guaranteed when i was 24 i'd be fucking dead immediately like i. I don't think I would survive longer than two years

if you paid me $127 million.

What was the check that he got?

He got $66 million on signing.

On signing.

If you gave me, well, that's really only like $35 million.

So not really worth it after taxes.

But yeah, if you gave me $35 million,

like cold hard cash in my bank account when I'm 24 years old, I'm dead by the time I'm 25. At least he's living in Kansas City.
That's true. Yeah, that definitely gives you a little more leeway on your life expectancy.
Does he move over to the Missouri side now? He's got a little money in his pocket? People are wondering. So, I got a cold takes exposed for you guys.
On April 27, 2017, someone in the media tweeted, didn't trade up to take Patrick Mahomes in the top 10 that's a huge win that was big cat, I bet knew that was you that sucks so bad also my favorite thing about quarterback contract Twitter is watching people just speculate, okay, who's next in line what does this mean mean for Dak Prescott? And you know that – And Lamar Jackson and Mitch Trubisky. There are a lot of people saying, like, Dak is going to get a similar contract.
That would be hilarious. Yes.
I really hope that happens. Man, that would actually make my day as a Washington to be determined fan if Dak Prescott get paid $50 million a year.
Hell yeah, do it, Jerry. I mean, that's the thing, too, with Mahomes.
It's unprecedented. I don't know if anyone's ever won a Super Bowl MVP and an MVP in his third season, really his second season.
Like, you know, Big Ben won a Super Bowl, won his second season, Tom Brady, but they didn't win MVPs until later on in their career. And now you can correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that this is the first contract in the NFL where a player will be getting paid more money than Roger Goodell.
Roger's going to be heated. What was his salary? I think it was like $34 million last year.
Russ might have might have beaten that. I think Russ was like 36 or something.
No player has ever won a Super Bowl making more money than Roger Goodell. I don't know.
Is that trend going to continue with Patrick Mahomes?

Many say it might.

So if you listen to this show for a long time,

you know that I'm down to lose pieces of my body for whatever, stupid things.

I think now that Patrick Mahomes has the first three years of played out,

the first three years of Mitch had played out,

I think I'd give up a leg to have Patrick Mahomes on the Bears.

A full leg.

Knee down.

Left leg?

Left leg, knee down.

Okay, you don't really... have played out.
The first three years of Mitch have played out. I think I'd give up a leg to have Patrick Mahomes on the Bears.

A full leg.

Knee down.

Left leg?

Left leg, knee down.

Okay, you don't really... I can't imagine

what I would be thinking.

How long is this statement

going to last?

Because what if, like, you know,

he becomes a journeyman

in, like, six years

and ends up on the Bears

for a trade or something?

Did he win another Super Bowl?

You don't...

Yeah.

You don't need your legs

in your 40s.

Dude, I just couldn't imagine

having a quarterback like that.

You won't be able to walk

at your son's graduation.

Big cat.

That's true.

Crotch, though,

and everyone's like,

Thank you. I mean, Super Bowl? You don't need your legs in your 40s.
Dude, I just couldn't imagine having a quarterback like that. You won't be able to walk at your son's graduation.
Big cat. That's true.
Crotch, though, and everyone's like, maybe gives me a little bit of applause. Show up like Lieutenant Dan? Yeah.
Yeah. That was actually a storyline in Adam Sandler's romp comedy of the week of.
It was a guy without legs, and everyone said that he was a World War II vet, and he wasn't. He had diabetes.
Hilarious storyline. Played by Rob lot of people played by rob schneider no some old guy didn't know a lot of people would just assume that you were a veteran yeah on the streets i have a friend that lost a leg when he was in fifth grade and a lot of people just come up to him and thank him for his service he just stopped correcting them yeah it's right so so i would i just don't know is is and i like mitch and i'm not trying to pile on him but he's part of the conversation here does here.
Is it one of the worst draft picks? It's not his fault, but is it one of the worst draft picks in terms of trading up and then having a guy like Patrick Mahomes who could be the best ever? You know what you need to do? Mitch just needs to change his jersey number to number nine because that's how many teams passed on Patrick Mahomes. I just wish he had been drafted lower because then it's not.
Oh, my God. Ryan Pace should be fired just for this.
Just for the minute that Patrick Mahomes signs that contract, be like, okay. I think you should actually make that a public offer for you to give up a leg.
It's not a bad deal for you. You don't use your legs that much anyways no you probably get better at video games uh you would lose some weight immediately yep boom you get instantly under 200 your bmi your bmi would be slightly overweight yeah how much did the leg morbidly obese uh leg which one your left one yeah your leg you've got skinny legs and like no ass so i would say thanks uh i didn't ask Well, the ass...
That's a question. The leg support.
I know, I know. Yeah.
It was an open-ended leg ass roast. Is your ass part of your leg? No, I said knee down.
Oh, knee down? I would go a little bit higher than that. Why would you want a knee if you didn't have a lower leg? Oscar Pretorius.
Get the peg. He seems like a good dude.
You've got to go right above the knee, if anything. Okay.
I think that would probably cost you about 24 pounds. I just can't.
I just need to move on. We just need to move on.
Plus your other leg would get so jacked. Patrick Mahomes, just go do your thing.
It'd be awesome. Bears, go find someone else.
Like I said, who would want to have their salary cap ruined by Patrick Mahomes? Not me. I think what you bring up about being bored with one quarterback, it's absolutely the truth.
I've watched probably 25 quarterbacks in the last 20 years in Washington. It's exhilarating.
Every new guy could be the guy. The three years I had with Kirk Cousins were the most boring years of my life.
I was like, oh, who wants a guy that's going to go 8-8 and be consistent? Dude, I sold myself

on Mike Glennon. I could sell myself

on anyone. That thrill of being like

this is the guy, Chiefs

fans don't have that anymore. You know

what your guy is. I'll have fun

with that. Not for me.

Alright, that's Patrick Mahomes.

MLB released their schedule, so

we're getting closer. There's like no day games.
There's some weird times, though. No, there are day games.
And opening day, there's one day game. No, there's day games.
On opening day, there's only one. I saw the Cubs had a bunch of day games.
They always do, but there were some weird times. They were playing like 5 o'clock or something.
I think it's time to have an honest conversation about MLB's plan for reopening. There's no chance that it works.
All right, well, we'll talk to Trevor Bauer in a minute. Yeah, we'll talk to him about it.
We'll get his thoughts on it. I want to be optimistic.
I've reached a point where I'm just like, I've given up. No, I think all of our hopes and dreams actually rest on hockey.
Yeah. Because hockey's playing in Canada.
I was going to say, Disney's not testing people for COVID, and they're coming back. It seems like Florida's just going to fall apart quickly soon, too.
Canada, please, for once, pull through for us. College football feels like it's going to be a spring season.
College football's just going to say, fuck it. No, I don't think so.
You don't think they're in fuck it mode? No. I think the SEC is always in fuck it mode.
SEC maybe, but the fact that there are now colleges that are like, we're not going to have our kids come back on campus, I think it becomes a harder and harder sell. And it's just college is NFL.
Obviously, the difference is they're paying the NFL players, but there's also a structured, this is the commissioner, this is the league, this is mandated. this is mandated college you have all different states rules you have all different uh conference rules the ncaa trying to get and there's like 150 teams i just don't know how they do it i honestly don't i've uh i've been talking to biz nasty about this because we were discussing the chel's ideas about coming back and having you know the tournaments in different cities and all that.
I'm trying to get Biz to get tested for the antibodies. Because if he's got the antibodies, then he can just be a goon for hire and be like a million bucks.
If Tom Wilson breaks his wrist on Sidney Crosby's face accidentally by skating into him with a forearm. Ready to go.
Then he is ready to step in and he will be confirmed COVID free. We need that.
We need biz back in the league. I kind of want to get a test too, just so I could market myself as the COVID free kicker.
Yeah. Can you imagine the night? You did get a test.
I did, but that was a couple months ago. You think you've had it? I think that Billy's.
You were so bummed out when you didn't have it. Billy's football has talked me into the idea that the antibody tests are all screwed up and you can get a different result.
You're just going to keep getting a test until you get one. Keep getting a test until they accidentally reuse a test on me.
But my idea is—and this is actually 50% serious. If the Jets or the Giants lose a kicker the night before a home game and they have to put him in quarantine and I'm available and I've got the antibodies what percent serious 50 that's 50 way way too high you don't think there's wait no you don't keep going keep going keep going but no but I'm gonna have my phone on ready to go I will just market myself I'll do a better job than all you not gonna go out on Saturdays what about the punter how about I just camp out what about I could camp outside MetLife.
Every will just market myself. I'll do a better job than all the other guys.
You're not going to go out on Saturdays? What about the punter? How about

I just camp out? I could camp

outside MetLife. What about every player on the team?

I could camp outside MetLife. They could probably kick better

than you? Every Saturday night

in the hopes. All the colleges in the area

that they could probably get someone in. What about every wide receiver

running back? It'd just be so much easier

on the way into the stadium. He's in better shape.

The special teams coach could just

pick me up on his way into the locker room. What about just going for it? On fourth down? Yeah.
Not even kicking any extra points? Yeah. That's why I'm saying 50%.
I think that's more of like a .001%. If I'm in the fucking parking lot.
I actually think you need to get a mental test with your COVID test. And their kicker just tested positive.
That you actually are 50%. There's literally everyone on the team that could kick.
Yeah, but I'm better than everybody else on the team. I don't know about that, PFT.
Except for maybe the punter, Sam Darnold. I think every athlete on the team.
You are better than probably 50% of the team. I'm way better than the scope of this.
I don't know, dude. Lane Johnson.
I think Lane Johnson probably has more power in his leg. No, PFT can'm way better kicking than lane johnson i don't know none of the other players have kicking training he's definitely better than 50 percent of the way better i'd say better than every player except for maybe the backup quarterback that has a lot of time on his hands to dick around and the punter i don't know man all these guys they don't have to kill the players they're on time.
The best players kicked in fucking high school. Like all these guys were the best players in high school and they probably kicked everything in high school too.
I don't think that that's true at all. I think, I think that's true for some of them.
I think that the players that were great athletes and kicked in high school for the most part become like a Johnny Hecker. No, I, I know like a guy who just plays every position in high school and dominates every, go ahead, Billy.
You're forgetting that a lot of linemen in Pop Warner used to have the biggest legs. Right, that's what I'm saying.
So they'd make them kick the kickoff. Right, that's what I'm saying.
In Pop Warner, they do toe-style kicking. But they can kick.
But they're also on the field like a million hours a day dicking around, probably kicking. Odell? Yeah.
You saw a video of Odell doing that? Odell definitely can kick. Yeah, Odell could kick.
So that's why they traded him away from the Giants. I believe in you,

PFT. 50%

is a lot. I'm better than

wait, are you 50%? If you got the chance,

you would make the most of it. Thank you.
That's

all I want. It's just a chance.

Just staying ready. You want a chance.

So you're going to live in New Jersey? I will

drive to MetLife Stadium every Sunday

morning if there's a

player that tests positive for COVID,

if there's a kicker that tests positive.

Okay.

You need to take it.

Like the guy that waited outside the Patriots.

You need to figure out a way to take out the punters is really what you're saying.

Well, no, I was thinking I was going to hide in the bushes,

wait for the special teams coach,

but then if a punter got there first, I'd jump out with a hunting knife.

Just have them go out with Sam Darnold every weekend.

Kind of need a list of everyone in the greater New York area

that kicked at any level.

And, yeah, maybe go cough on all that.

Yeah, the planes, right?

There can't be that many people.

Red Bull players, they could just send their private plane.

Good point, Billy.

Oh, geez.

You can think about all the soccer players.

Kicking a soccer ball is much different than kicking a football.

Do you think you're better than 50% of the players on the Red Bulls? From 35 yards? Yes. From any distance? 35 yards, yes.
Then 50% of MLS players. Okay.
All right. Well, confidence is half the battle.
I don't think I'm being irrationally overconfident in this. I think maybe by saying there's a 50% chance.
You added an extra zero. Yeah, I did.
No, you're right. My math was wrong, and that's a common theme for me.

So I fucked up with the zeros.

It's a 5% chance that it actually happens.

But I think that I'm better than 50% of New York Red Bulls soccer players

at kicking field goals in football.

Tony Miola could only make like a 35-yarder when he tried out for the Jets.

I'm not talking about goalies.

People forget that.

Goalies, they do goal kicks.

They're actually better at kicking than most players.

What were you going to say, Billy? Bergen County is a football hotbed, and they definitely have a ton of kickers. Who could they just not pay and keep their eligibility? Don't use the word hotbed.
How many kickers in America do you think are better than you right now? I'd say probably like 500,000 people are better than me. Okay, that seems like that's more math.
I'd take the under. Yeah, I'd probably take the under.
I would have said like 200,000. Oh, now you guys are talking to me.
Okay, you're right. I go back to 50% now.
Listen, you started with there's a 50-50 chance the Giants will sign me. So I had to find a way to work in the back door here where we had some math that made sense.
It's 50% kicker test positive for corona the morning of a game and i just happen to be in the parking lot with a sign that says not to bring up bad things in the past but what about all the xfl kickers they're not going to be in the parking lot i will be they probably some of them live around here but they're not going to be in the parking lot that's usually the parking lot aspect listen aspect. Listen, I'm going to be...
I'm marketing myself as the most convenient solution.

Not the best.

Right, right.

Okay?

Right.

The most convenient probably is to go for two.

I'm the gas station condom, right? Right.

You'll take it if it's the only...

You want a Trojan.

You want a Durex.

You want a brand name.

Or you just don't use it and go for two.

Right.

Yeah, right.

You say, fuck it, I'll pull out.

But if you see a Rough Rider...

I think most people do the fuck it, I'll pull out. Hanging off the tag and it's 99 cents.
Yeah, it. You say, fuck it, I'll pull out.
But if you see a rough rider hanging off the tag and it's 99 cents, yeah, it might break and it might fuck up the rest of your life, but it's there, you might give it a shot. All right.
Let's get to Hot Seat Cool Throne. Hot Seat Cool Throne is brought to you by Bud Light Seltzer.
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Do you want to start with Billy? Okay. Billy, how was South Dakota? You went out for President Trump's big speech.
You wanted to dispel the fact that you were Lib of the Year as you were walking out the door you said I'm going to go save some monuments Billy gets nominated for Lib of the Year once and immediately books a one way train ticket to South Dakota to go hang out at Mount Rushmore yeah okay I was I was there to see reptile gardens you're wearing cowboy boots you are the dude who comes back from Europe with a fucking accent.

They were a gift.

You were there for three days.

They were a gift.

Okay, keep going.

Okay.

I didn't realize

he was wearing cowboy

driving those.

They're a gift.

They were given to me

while I was out there.

Did you bring your fucking

bow knife and shit

to the office today?

Billy, are you wearing Carhartt?

No, they're Sims.

Billy.

Okay, they're simps

they're different no free ads they're okay cool company they're really cool no free ads um so yeah cool throne people who get first uh hot seat hot seat uh hot seat football because a bunch of d3 colleges have started to cancel their seasons including mine so in a couple of why do they have Bad tweets?

No, just the seasons.

Just because of Corona and everything, they're not having people back to their campuses. So we're starting to see definite...
Do you agree? I feel like that's a precursor to Division I. Well, I think the Power Five, as long as there's money involved, they're going to play.
They might play. What I heard, which actually would be so fucking perfect for debate,

is that every conference just plays their conference schedule,

and now we have to just decide who's got the best conference.

So, like, every team, it will be no crossover,

and everyone's like, now four teams from the SEC get into the fucking tournament.

UCF is going to declare another national title. Well, they wouldn't even play.
That's true. Yeah, they wouldn't play.
Well, what would the independent schools do? Who's Notre Dame going to play? I don't know. Well, they would probably get to play an ACC schedule.
No, Notre Dame would absolutely just get into the playoff. Right.
For going undefeated and not beating anybody. I'm hearing rumors that Dabo is purposely making sure all his players catch COVID so they have the antibodies for the season.
Rumors from who? Rumors from... Your brain.
Have you been listening to part of my take? I've been listening... Because I think we floated that theory.
Absolutely. I definitely did.
100% did. It's herd immunity, as seen on Colin Coward on FS1.
Anyway, cool throne, people get scared by headlines. Great idea for a segment, by the way, herd immunity.
Yes. So there's a lot of headlines that are like scaring people like, oh, there's a new virus that can kill us all again.
And then there's like the bubonic plagues back. And the thing is like a lot of those things, like the black death, the bubonic plague has a cure.
But people tweeting out the link that says the bubonic plague has popped up in Mongolia. This is another thing we've done on part of my team.
We've literally, I canceled fear like a month ago. I said I was done being afraid.
Well, I'm just bringing up another one. It is the quote tweet industrial complex.
This is actually good. That headline was absolutely written just so that people would quote tweet it on CNN and then dunk on it.
I actually like this, Billy. You're just gonna like if people don't listen to every show, they can just listen to you and catch up to what they missed.
I did the tick disease. I did I'm just canceling the fear.
Okay, thank you for canceling fear. I did that a month ago.
That was murder hornet season. But yeah, bubonic plague, if you don't follow along, there's a story about the bubonic plague every single year it's always in like new mexico i feel like new mexico or arizona just got a scary name uh all right hank your hot seat cool to run my hot seat uh we talked about at the beginning of the show is tiktok yes so apparently it's all the rage everyone's talking about it but apparently uh the government is talking about shutting it down like india i guess shut down like 39 because it's developed it's a Chinese developed app and India shut down like 39 Chinese apps and there's talks Pompeo Secretary of State said they might do the same thing Mike Pompeo that's fucked up because if you set that precedent that you're going to shut down every single Chinese app then where am I going to go see pictures of like my guy friends looking like chicks that I want to fuck? That's an issue for me.
Yeah, it feels like TikTok is not long for... Censorship aside, seeing the TikTokers...
What about censorship when they're blatantly spying us? No, I'm saying whatever. I'm not even talking about that, but I'm saying the reaction from the TikTokers would be unbelievable.
Watching what they would do... Bring back Vine.
huddies yeah it would be just it would be chaos yeah in the streets what has vine been up to vine's been notably silent during all this do you think that i mean we do need to bring back vine yeah it was a better version of tick tock yes well it's because we could understand it true and we were young seconds yes it was when i was in my 20s it was a good old days it was six-second video that you could record and then put music under and then put online, and it would repeat. Yes.
Then my cool throne is Usain Bolt. Did you guys see what he named his daughter? No.
Take a guess, PFT. You might be close.
Lightning Bolt. Olympia Lightning Bolt.
Ooh, nice. Maybe the greatest name of all time yes that's good that is sick olympia lightning

bolt she's gonna be fast very fast all right pft what's your hot seat cool drum uh my hot seat

is gonna be well i had a little huddy on there but we obviously i think we drove that one to the

my hot seat is joe west joe west said today that even though uh he's been labeled as being in like

a target population or a very a dangerous population in terms of catching coronavirus I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players.

I'm players. I'm players.
I'm I don't understand coronavirus. I don't think many people do.
But I feel like coronavirus wouldn't be able to get past his neck.

That's like a huge roadblock. Right.
It's like he's wearing a mask over his trachea all day. Speed bump.
I agree. So he's got like a natural protective layer that's in there.
He is wearing a mask at all times. Yes, he has been.
And plus he just wears it. That's what umpires do.
Just like all you have to do is put some netting on there. But he said that he doesn't care.
he's going to go ahead and be a martyr

and go down to Florida

and say I'm going to be doing this. Joe West is not scared of a little virus.
You can't keep him out of the stadiums. So Joe West is putting the entire major league baseball on his back.
This also might be another scare tactic by the MLB because I still think they just want to have the playoffs. So they're like, if we put Joe West on these games and we're going to get more players that don't want to play until later.
Right. So that's another bargaining chip that we can use at the last second.
Oh, you guys want to play games. Okay.
Well, you have to play him with Joe West. Stay safe.
Joe West, please do. And my cool throne is going to be describing things in as boring terms as possible.
It's another quote tweet thing that's going across the internet right now. It's just like, name your favorite sport event in the history of athletics.
Your favorite athlete. Describing it as boringly as possible.
I did one from PMT. Describe your favorite sports moment as boring as possible.
I said, if answers the phone. Oh, that's pretty good.
That's nice.

His video, by the way, was one of the greatest things of all time.

Ever.

And there were some stay wokes, but he, honestly, after he won it,

he texted me and said that he was doing a Red Bull promo

like they were following him around that week.

So it just worked out seamlessly.

Incredible.

He's our Blake of the Year.

Describe your least favorite sporting event of all time, as boringly as possible.

Two doinks.

Moving up one spot to take the far inferior player.

That's pretty good.

Or you could just say every day since the 2017 NFL drive. Yeah.
Every day has been a living hell. I'm like the office space.
Every day is worse than the day before. Yours is, I wish I didn't have a leg.
Yes. Alright, my hot seat is, I got two of them.
One is future i uh i'm now the coach dougs is now the coach lsu so uh what happened wisconsin they just fucked josh waller all my friends hate joshua waller some dork named joshua waller got an extension are you talking about the video game yeah the video game i was very i think it's gary anderson which makes it even more annoying because he was such a shitty coach. I'm a better kicker than him.

Yeah, yes.

So I'm playing this morning at 8 a.m.

We're doing a morning.

Wednesday morning.

Wednesday morning.

A morning stream.

It's actually very fun because it's like only maybe a couple thousand people.

The chat moves a little slower.

People are just kind of chilling.

We talk.

We chat.

Not the same everyone trolling me. But, yeah, I'm at L at lsu i'm excited and then my other hot seat is darren revel because we totally forgot to do this but our guy jake marsh has some patrick mahomes stats that no other podcast or twitter feed has jake please tell us first i need to address yesterday i did a tweet about saying how many bottles of ketchup Mahomes can buy because he loves ketchup.

But I said it under Heinz when he has a deal with Hunts.

He's a Huntsman.

So I had to apologize. You have to address that.

Canceled.

Yeah.

Imagine if Jake got canceled for using the wrong ketchup.

Brand awareness.

You're canceled, Jake.

So got that out of the way.

With $503 million, you can buy $19,353,597.5 Kermit the Frog puppets on Amazon.com. Holy shit.
$25.99 each. Okay.
I feel like that should come with a bomb inside the crate if you order that many puppets. Holy shit.
Just like immediately drone double tap. Okay.
Okay. Mahomes was born in Tyler, Texas.
and two years ago on March 24th, the Broadway Square Mall in Tyler, Texas, had a Muppet Babies-themed play date event,

including Kermit the Frog. Oh.
It's a little connected us there. Okay.
We had a lot of fun. Yeah.
As of May 8th, 2020, there were 503 million active internet users in India. $503 million contract.
Wow. Same number.
That's fun. And then finally, we got- That's a lot of people.
That's shitload of people. How many Indian people listen to part of my take? We should do a cricket segment.
Tweet us. We've got to get it.
We've got to tap in. Listen, we've tapped in to the gamer market.
We need to. We've already strongly disavowed the Chinese market after the seven dot line going around the South China Sea.
Something LeBron would never do. Yeah, applause for us.
Thank you, Billy. We need to find

a way to get into Indian

iTunes. Do they have iTunes there?

I mean, cricket is basically like

you thought baseball was boring.

No, cricket. Cricket has adapted

It goes like three days long. No, no.

I watched a 10-minute video on cricket

recently. They've adapted the game

where now they have like a one

day long version of it. Again, that's exactly, that's the point the point if you have to adapt the game that means you're probably pretty boring yeah 360 degrees though i mean that's cool yeah yeah it's like red zone for cricket it's over in only 18 hours it's like cricket crack and finally we've got a chain reaction little thing so 500 million dollars is what the contract can go up to 503 is the area area code of portland oregon okay portland is 1798 miles away from kansas city and the year 1798 was when the first bank robbery in the united states happened is that the bank of pennsylvania at carpenter's hall in philadelphia they stole 162 000 and 821 holy shit that's a lot of money Yeah, they of money.
And that equals $503 million today? Just say that. Yeah, yeah.
It's like the Lincoln's secretary was Kennedy and all that bullshit. Imagine being a bank robber in the late 1700s.
The goat. Sick.
You don't even have president's masks to put on as disguises. You just wear a George Washington mask.
You didn't need one. You just roll up on your horse.
Like, there's no cameras. There's no anything.
Yeah, I always think about that. Just go to the next town.
No one's gonna find out. Like, if you're a criminal, like, at what point were you like, fuck DNA evidence.
Yeah. That changed the game.
That's true. Like, the mid 90s.
OJ Simpson trial is really when it happened. This sucks.
You had to be like a world class sucker before electronics to walk into a building and be like, here's all my money. Please look after it and then walk out of that building.
Yes. So anyone that used a bank back in the 1700s deserved to get that shit.
But also kind of more, probably a little bit more dangerous back then to rob banks because everyone had guns. So they could just been like, stop that man.
Instead of someone just chasing you to tackle you, they just shoot you. But if they don't hit you on the first shot, they have to spend like five minutes.
If you walk into a bank cricket game, if you have, if you walk into a bank with a loaded gun, you have like a five minute head start on everybody. Yeah.
Just, just make sure you zigzag. Yes, exactly.
On the way out. Just walk at a brisk pace.
You'll be fine. All right.
Oh, my cool throne is Kanye West is going to be president. Maybe not, but eventually he probably will be.
This is one of those ones where it's not going to be this year, but if you don't think that we're on the way for a Kardashian being in the White House, you're not paying attention. That's going to happen.
I actually do think that... I don't think it's going to be Kanye.
I would actually think that Kim has a better chance of being president than Kanye does. In like five, ten years, 100%.
What's that, Billy? Go ahead. I got a hot seat in relation...
Can I say it? Is it something we said last month? Nope. Okay.
Okay, hot seat serial killers or people who committed crimes from the 1900s because they're using Ancestry.com to get previous DNA from, like, they got the Golden State Killer recently. He just got convicted on DNA evidence.
So in the same vein of what we're saying. Didn't Patton Oswalt's wife track him down? Mm-hmm.
I have no idea. Okay.
Yeah. Did.
Ooh, crazy. But, yeah, crazy but yeah so okay hot seat thank you for that interjection that was good good job yeah they're collecting all of our dna sweet yeah yours too what do you think you got a covet test they have your dna oh yeah they have a chip inside your brain what are they gonna do yeah no you're being tracked right now yeah you probably shouldn't us much more.
Please leave. All right, let's get to Trevor Bauer.
Before we do that, PFT, you got a quick ad. We're going to get right back to the show.
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All right, back to part of my take. And now here's Trevor Bauer.
Okay, we now welcome on recurring guest, Cincinnati Reds starting pitcher, Trevor Bauer. He's got his Momentum Media Company.
You should go check it out, watchmomentum.com, at watch underscore momentum on Twitter. They're doing some awesome new stuff with different players.
He's teaming up with Ken Griffey Jr. We wanted to have Trevor on because baseball is trying to come back, and you are always a very vocal person who says whatever they think, and we want to get to the bottom of it.
So let's start there. How has the first week or so of being back gone, and are you confident that this is going to work? Yeah.
Before we get into that, LSU shirt I see there. Is that Joe Burrow? Is that your boy? Yeah, that's her boy.
My video game. We're LSU fans, but also my video game, I'm coaching LSU now.
yeah i got yeah i love it yes bro cincinnati bangles we're all excited here in cincinnati to have him yes hopefully baseball is still going when they're when they're coming back and so i think it will be um the first week back has been pretty crazy with all the regulations and the testing the procedures and stuff like that when we're getting tested uh every every other day now with a spit test which is i don't know do you guys know anything about the spit test no no no explain it so they give you this little packet and inside there's a vial and it's got a little like a funnel on it like you had like a protein funnel you pour protein into a water shaker or something you have to sit there and spit into it. It probably takes like five minutes to get enough spit to fill this thing up.
Then you take the top off and you put a new top on with some liquid and you screw it on and mix the liquid and then deliver it to them. The problem is when you spit, the bubbles on the spit is pretty graphic.
Right. It's not what you want to talk talk about.
But if the bubbles are, if there's too many bubbles, it gets like up into the little funnel. And so you have to take the funnel off and like scrape the spit bubbles off and then like put it back on and continue spitting.
So it has to be solid saliva up to the line, but the line's pretty good. So it gets kind of messy sometimes.
So anyway, that's every other day day every morning we fill out a survey uh have you had any of these symptoms have you been in contact with someone that potentially might have had this that or the other whatever so it's like 20 questions and then we have our own thermometers that we have at the home so we take our temperature twice input those numbers is that in the mouth like yeah in the, in the mouth. You can put it wherever.
It's just a thermometer. You've got to stick it somewhere.
So mouth, some people might chew somewhere else. I don't know.
But, yeah, you do that. And then I wake up at like 11.
So I'm usually taking my readings about 1130, and I pretty much go straight to the ballpark. And then when you get to the ballpark, you can't enter unless they take your temperature there.
So I'm basically taking my temperature four times within the span of an hour and a half um then you got to wear a mask at all times indoors you don't have to wear one outdoors but i mean if you're in the training room getting a massage at your locker eating you can't really wear it while you're eating but you're encouraged to wear it to the food room can't interact with the chefs uh so they have like pre-packaged meals we have to order our meals in the morning and they're like pre-packaged. They cook it and pre-package it for lunch, dinner, snacks, stuff like that.
This is crazy. How long does it take you to find out after you submit one of those spit tests? How long until you find out whether or not you're positive? I don't know.
I haven't heard any of my results back. I'm assuming that if I don't hear anything, I'm negative.
Yeah. And if I do hear something, I'll probably hear fairly quickly.
I've got to have no turning around. But I've heard some stuff about the testing facility being overrun with tests and they're not being able to test guys or not being able to run the results.
And so some teams still haven't been able to complete their intake testing, they're not even able to practice right now how so speaking of practice how uh overall do you think the team is looking and talking to guys around the league how are they feeling about the season starting in like three weeks are guys ready to go are they feeling like they are in shape to start the season? It's such a mixed bag.

It's – you got guys – Are guys ready to go? Are they feeling like they are in shape to start the season?

It's such a mixed bag.

You've got guys like myself who are ready to go now.

Start the season now, I'd be fine.

You've got guys that weren't able to do anything. If you lived in New York or Jersey or California, Los Angeles area,

you couldn't get to a gym.

You couldn't lift. You really couldn't be outside and throw.
So you've got guys that are ahead. You've got guys that are behind.
Hitters haven't seen live pitching. I mean, they saw, what, a week and a half of games in spring training, something like that.
But basically since last September, if you didn't make the playoffs, guys haven't seen live pitching. So some guys hit.
Some guys hit off a tee. Some guys didn't swing at all.
It's such all it's such a mixed bag i have no idea our team specifically we got a lot of guys that care a lot and that came in ready and were able to work out and throw and all that i know sunny and louise castillo uh are ready to go michael lorenzo is ready to go um and on the hitting side castellanos took me deep about 550 yesterday so he's clearly ready to go yeah I saw that video that you put up on Twitter it was like cut in and out with George W. Bush saying the we won't get fooled again thing did you make that video yourself because I could actually see you sitting down at Final Cut Pro and like making your own memes your own live action memes you you nailed it to a tee I mean the, the program, the look on my everything.
Yes. Final Cut Pro.
I made it myself. I had a big meeting with my company with Momentum last night, three and a half hours.
So while I was listening to everything going on, I was sitting there making a video and multitasking at its finest. That's awesome.
So you talked about the spit test before. I also read that baseball is banning spitting entirely.
Are they trying to take spitting out of the game? Like you can't take spitting out of baseball. You played for Francona for years.
Like, you know, people are going to spit. Dudes are going to spit and scratch themselves when they're on a baseball diamond.
And I don't think that there's any rule that can really stop that. I'm interested to see how they try to enforce the rule.
Is it going to be a fine a fine is it going to be a warning and who's the guy that's going to be sitting there watching the video trying to like is that is he spitting right yeah right sky judge right maybe got a fly in his mouth yeah right what um how have you talked to your teammates i'm sure about the fact that you're not gonna be playing in front of anyone as of right now it might change. There might be more people that are allowed in the stadium.
How do you think that's going to affect the game and, like, from a pitching, from a batting standpoint, like, how is it going to affect everything? I think it's going to minimize the value of home field. Generally, like, you get a lot of adrenaline and momentum when you're coming back in a game or when you're in a big situation and your home crowd's going crazy.
So it's going to kind of level that out. I think it's going to weed out the people who are, not weed out in a way, but people who are driven by the moment and people who are driven by the competition itself.
The competition is going to be there. They're still a hitter in the box.
Games still matter. So people who are driven by that and being the best, you're going to see them play to their normal level.
They're going to appear to play up a little bit this season, because I think the overall level of the game might be a little bit less in some ways. But the guys that aren't driven by the competition as much as they are either the moment or the money probably don't have as much motivation this year.
I mean, we've already seen some guys opting out for various reasons.

I'm sure some of it is due to the money side.

So it's going to be interesting to see which players kind of rise

and which ones kind of fall this year.

What about – do you think it will be easier to hear someone

banging on a trash can this year with no fans in the crowd?

You would expect so.

I don't know if that's old or new technology i think there's new stuff you know it's hard to hear buzzing going on i'm not sure if that's a thing or not but uh i saw your shirt when you took a picture you're still like you're i i like it because the world has obviously changed drastically since spring training there's a lot of important things going on but you are you are the torchbearer of i'm not forgetting about the astros i'm going to wear this shirt and troll them uh every single chance i get i appreciate that i don't know what you're talking about man i was just taking the picture happy the baseball's back you know uh yeah we talked about the black socks scandal what's that 100 100 years ago So, I mean, might as well just make the Astros the next one. I agree.
I think people do need to be reminded of it from time to time because, like, I miss caring about slightly inconsequential shit, you know? Like, there's so much serious stuff that's going on. In the grand scheme of things, like the Astros cheating, yeah, it sucks if you're a Yankees fan or a Dodgers fan or if you play baseball against the Astros.
But in the big picture, it's not that huge. But it feels good to get mad about that small stuff, you know? Honestly, yeah.
I mean, with how ridiculous 2020 has been, I mean, we got a pandemic, we had it's election year, we got, I mean, Kobe, you know, passed away. There's been a lot of stuff.
George Floyd, obviously, there's so much serious, heavy stuff going on in the country. Like the Tik TOK stuff.
I'm sure you're familiar. Yeah.
Huddy, little Huddy got canceled. Little Huddy gate.
Yeah. Yeah.
Making, making some fun of some things is, uh, as much needed, I think for everybody. And at this point, look, I mean, it is what it is.
It happened. Everyone's aware.
It's part of the culture now. And it's like, you know, making making memes is like it's like crying jordan at this point like you make an astros meme every now and then it's funny if you make them too often it gets old you gotta space them out a little bit right so um was there a part of you that even though you know you lost out on a lot of games you lost out on on a good amount of money this year by not playing games for the first couple of months of the season was Was it kind of cool just being like, yeah, you know, this is some awesome time off that we're getting right now.
Like I'll take a couple of months to relax, rejuvenate, you know, ease my way into the season. I went the opposite way.
I looked at it like an off season. So I basically just killed my body for three months.
But I got a lot stronger, a lot more powerful out of the, a mile an hour or so to my fastball or my command. So yeah, I went that way.
When I, when it all shut down, I was like, there's no way we're playing baseball before. I mean, maybe June at the absolute earliest, but probably July.
Like I got three months, something like that. I'm, let me, let me try to get better.
So I tried to use it for improvement. I know some guys like looked at it and like, man, I don't have any motivation.
I'm going to go fish or I'm going to go spend time with my family or I'm going to go, you know, hang out on my boat or whatever it is. But, uh, my hobby is like getting better, uh, and studying and researching stuff.
I'm a nerd. So I was in the gym or, or, uh, or researching.
So the, in the attempts to bring baseball back, it was obviously very much publicized, the fight between the players, the MLBPA, and the owners. You were very vocal about it.
Do you think there's going to be any residual? I mean, there's going to be contracts, the new CBA next year, but is there residual, can you feel it, anger about how the owners handled everything and how they tried to put it on the players when in reality they just were trying to get the cheapest deal possible look it's hard it's hard to blame either side and it's very easy to blame both sides like you can look at it a couple different ways on the owner's side you look at it like if anyone was running a business they would want to find a way to make not lose money if they lose money they don't. They can't employ their employees.
They can't operate, stuff like that. So save the bottom line.
Seems to make sense. And the best way to do that when you're not making as much money is to cut costs.
So I understand it from the business side. On the player side, we don't sign a per-game amount.
We don't sign a prorated contract. We sign, like, if I play this year.
Or once I sign this contract, I'm making X amount this year. So if I get hurt in spring training and I play zero games, I still make that amount right or wrong.
That's what, that's what the contracts are. So on the player side, it's like, I can see why the players would be upset about not getting, you know, their amount of money or at least a pro rated amount.
Like you, you shouldn't make less per game than you would have normally. Like, you know, so I can see it from the player side.
I can see it from the owner side where they, where everyone messed up is that the, the first thing that the owners did was make it a public fight. Um, I don't know any other business that would intentionally pit their, uh, their customer base, which is the fans against their product, which is the players on the field.
Um, but that seems to be the decision that made, enough from a negotiating standpoint and pressuring and trying to get the best deal and all that. It makes sense in a way.
The problem is it's very short-sighted. It's about getting the best deal this year and doing irreparable damage to the sport.
There's going to be a lot of people that just won't watch baseball for the next X amount of years because they're so mad at the sport for arguing about money in a time when 45 million Americans, I don't know what the current number is, but upwards of 40 million Americans are unemployed. Stimulus checks aren't going out on time.
You have racial unrest going on in the country, civil unrest, like all this serious stuff, like we talked about earlier is going on. And then you have millionaires and billionaires fighting the public about who's going to get more money or less money or whatever.
All these things are going to have to be done behind closed doors anyway. That's where they should have remained.
And then from the very jump, it just got put in the public sphere, which is the wrong thing to do. It just occurred to me that with no fans in the stands this year, nobody's going to be there to boo when a pitcher tries to throw to first base more than once in a row.
That always cracks me up when fans do that does that ever get into your head if you like throw over first base maybe twice and they start to boo and you're like oh shit i better not do it again they're really going to let me have it not mine but i do know some pitchers who get the yips on throwing to first so like they'll come set and they can't they freak out and they pick over and then they're like thinking about well i didn't, I didn't mean to pick over. I just did that.
Why did I do that? And then they do it again and again. I've seen guys pick over like six or seven times in a row, not because they want to, just because they have the yips.
And then the pitching coach has to call timeout and come out there and talk to them to break it up. So we'll see how that happens.
It doesn't bother me. I don't mind making people mad.
I think you guys, right. Yes, no, that is absolutely true.
Actually kind of why we like you. Yeah.
The, um, so everyone's talking about how the games are going to be played in terms of managers probably having a shorter leash on their starting pitching because of 60 games, bigger, uh, rosters. Have you had that conversation yet? Do you fully expect it? Because knowing you, Trevor, you don't like being pulled out of games.
Is that fair to say? So what's Trevor Bauer going to be thinking if he gets pulled after five innings because it's a do-or-die game, game 35, and you're like, I shouldn't be pulled, I still got stuff left? Yeah, I mean, the competitor in me in the moment is going to be mad. Anytime I have the ball in my hand, I feel like I'm the best option to win, for the team to win.
I think every competitor feels that way. So in the moment, the competitive juice is going to be flowing and I'm going to be upset about it.
But remove me about half an hour or 45 minutes from the game and I'll probably be in there like, hey, I only threw 78 pitches can I pitch in two days can I come out of the pen can I like let me get back up there and pitch so I think 60 games or every game is 2.7 times as important I think that's what the math works out to and so higher stakes every time I take them out it's worth basically three games or what would be three games yeah which of course if a five--man rotation is two weeks. So it's like you start thinking about it like that, and it's so much more important.
We're blessed with the Reds to have a lot of really good talent, a really deep bullpen, a really deep starting staff, a lot of guys that can get hitters out at a very high clip. So basically anyone we throw out there is going to be able to get the job done.
And ultimately, I to play in the postseason. Whatever gives the team the best chance to win, whether it's me or not me, that's what I want.
Have you had a conversation with Dave Bell where you're like, hey, man, if you come out or you're pitching coach, if you come out, I'm probably going to be an asshole. Give me a minute.
Give a safe word. Or is it like, hey, if I turn a little bit to center field, just know to leave me alone because I'm about to launch one if you go even further.
Yeah, I think that should be it. It's like no safe word because if there's a safe word, he's too close.
He's going to have to – I guess no fans, you could yell it. Yeah.
His safe word is like a – it's a close thing. By the time he's already out of the mound, he's taking the ball.
So maybe it's like, hey, if I see you coming out and I turn my back, just go back to the dugout. Just let me be.
I love when pitchers... Has that happened to you where you've yelled at a manager and he's gone back? No, because Tito realized really early on that as soon as he stepped out of the dugout, he made the move to the umpires, so no matter how much I pitched him on, he couldn't actually change the mark.
That's smart. That.
Yeah. That is a good moment, though, when the manager says, okay.
And for some reason, whenever it happens, I feel like the pitcher always gets the guy out. Yeah, because it's just like I'm the boss here.
Let me have this. It's just one of those, like, alpha modes.
So Tito knew that he couldn't do that. Dave Bell's got to be ready for that.
Yeah. I mean, the one time that I can think of that it didn't work was Matt Harvey, but it wasn't during an inning, right? It was after the eighth inning.
But anyway, that's a whole other story. But yeah, I'll probably have that conversation.
I've talked to David quite a bit about a lot of different things during this time. So that one hasn't come up.
I do know that Great American is a little bit shorter to center field than Kauffman Stadium is, and the ball flies a little bit better. That restaurant out there is definitely within striking range.
He's calling your name. I'm not above putting one on top of the steamboat out there.
I love the idea of you just sitting down with your manager and being like, alright, first of all, I can be kind of a dick. Just see it.
Okay, let's get it all out there. Usually it doesn't take a meeting to figure that one out.
It's true. I do like the idea of them naming like a little part of the restaurant out there after you like they did with Big Mac land in St.
Louis, like the dead center. If Trevor can hit a call, I don't know, like the Bauer Alley or something like that.
Yeah, probably a cool name.

There's been all sorts of ones in baseball history.

You've got the Kings Court in Seattle.

It's a cool rooting on King Felix.

You've got the Flotilla Padilla.

I don't remember which one it was.

There's all sorts of different cool names.

You've got the Roll Call.

What do they call the Yankees? The Bleacher Creatures, maybe.

Oh, where Mickey Mantle got a blowjob. Yeah, yeah.
The Bronx is burning. There you go.
Boom. Got it.
The bleacher bombs, Wrigley bleacher creatures maybe? Bleacher creatures. Okay.
Yeah. So you're right.
Have you been doing any more of the brain stimulation stuff? Yes. I wore it actually yesterday.
I pitched yesterday. I wore it.
The first time I hadn't worn it in like three months. So I was a little bit, I don't want to say rusty, but the machine hadn't been used in a while.
And so I put it on and the first like two seconds I was wearing it, I got this really bright white flash and a little bit of pain up on my head. I'm like, that's probably not good.
I probably shouldn't be feeling pain in my brain from electric simulation. So I took it off, figured out what was wrong, and then everything went smoothly.

How did you figure out what was wrong

with your electronic brain simulating device?

Well, it came back to my education as an engineer.

I'm like, well, there's only one thing

that could be wrong that is fixable,

and that's I didn't plug the cord in all the way.

So I checked that,

and I didn't have the cord plugged in all the way.

But any other problem would have been a short

or the machine would have been broken, and I wouldn't have been able to use it so i was hoping it was my stupidity and it was you're you're dangerously close to being like to just have like having the entire corner of dumb baseball injuries you got the drone injury if you like go on the dl because you electrocuted yourself with a fucking i don't know. You realize that you would be the goat, right? I, you know, I gotta be the goat at something by the time I'm done.
So if that's my calling, I'm fine with it. I'm gonna, I got plenty of other dumb things I could do too.
So have you been droning? I have not droned actually. Uh, I've been so busy with business and in the gym that I haven't droned much.
Uh, but I've been, I've been enjoying the media stuff and spiking my YouTube channel. Nice.
Nice. Very good.
Very good. Have you noticed like after having these couple months to work on some things that maybe you wouldn't have had time to work on before, is spin rate changing? Have you increased? What pitch has improved the most for you over the last two months? Man, my fastball has gotten faster.
All my pitches are spinning a lot faster now. I can't explain it.
You know, it must be a contract year thing. You're further south.
I could be further. Maybe it's more humid, you know, closer to a certain city maybe.
Closer to Houston, yeah. Houston, yep, yep, yep.
I don't know. We'll see what it turns out to be.
Yeah, the fastball's gotten faster. My changeup's actually gotten quite a bit better.
So I'm excited to see how that plays this season. So my last question, we had Scott Boris on last week or two weeks ago, and you went at him on Twitter and we asked him about it.
He responded that he didn't even know that you had gone at him for a couple days. He kind of pled ignorance.

Do you believe that or do you think he knew right away?

Oh, it was interesting how all of a sudden I, you know, about five minutes after I got calls from multiple Boris clients. I got, you know, multiple Boris clients on Twitter trying to come after me and for all sorts of different reasons.
I was getting random burner accounts that were located in Santa Monica, just conveniently in Santa Monica. So tweeting at me accounts that were made literally the day, like that day.
I like this. So it's a complete ignorance all he wants.
Ultimately, no one's going to know for sure, but we can all have our opinions. Oh, I like this.
Trevor Bauer versus Scott Boris feud. Let's get it going.
Let's get you guys on the same show. Would you talk to him? I wouldn't even shit in his bathroom.
Yeah, it's true. Would you talk to him? Like, if we, well, I guess you can't, or he couldn't, right? Because he's not a client.
You're not his client. Oh, well, I mean, he's's broken that rule plenty he's been recruiting all sorts of clients and lying to him and paying him supposedly this is all supposedly yeah but you know making all sorts of ridiculous claims about you know all the agencies are going to fail with covid and i'm going to be the only one left and it doesn't matter which agency you're actually with i run the union anyway so you're going to have to deal with me.
Rumors about paying players, which is illegal and I think there's potentially some lawsuits coming. I don't know.
Can we build a bridge here? If we had him on and we were like, hey, we're going to do a podcast with both you. Who would say no first? You think he would? He would, yeah.
You would say yes? You say yes you think i'm scared i don't know i mean he is kind of like darth vader's challenging scott boris to a debate of opinions and i also don't know if you know but he he runs a union yeah i'm not i'm not above getting my hand chopped off in a lightsaber duel that would go on the dumb things true i would monopolize that that portion of the internet so i love it's true. There's one other feud that you've been into recently.
I think this went back to like July 1st or the end of June. You've been going back and forth with Curt Schilling, a Take Ease Award presenter, Curt Schilling.
You've been calling him Butt Curt. And I didn't know if you knew this, but like Skirt Schilling was right there and Curt Shitting was right there but you went with butt kurt can you walk us through the decision to go with butt kurt but kurt yeah he was uh he seemed a little bit a little bit butthurt on uh online you know he was uh coming out and um for he seemed a little bit salty you know i don't know exactly why i didn't go after him i't go out into his little corner of the internet.
He came out of his corner to come onto my corner of the internet. And, you know, I'm pretty well known in the internet circles for defending my area, my territory.
I don't go after anybody necessarily. Very rarely do I pick a fight.
But I will fire back if you come at me. So, you know, starts saying stuff about my stats and my character about not caring about winning and all this ridiculous stuff.
So I just, I thought it was funny, you know, all these old baseball players that can't handle the fact that their careers are done and it's not their time anymore. So I went with Butkert and then he wanted to talk about numbers.
So I figured we could talk about 75 million or 115 million or whatever the zero number that's left in his account. We can talk about that.
Everyone's saying, oh, you can't have an opinion because Curt Schilling is so much better of a pitcher than you are and all this different stuff. And Curt has this thing about shitting on advanced stats.
So I thought it was fun to him in a way where like i'm better than him with certain regular stats at this point in my career through 28 years old and he could easily make the case that he's better than me through 28 if he used advanced stats so i find it really fun to just position him in that position where like you're either worse than me or you have to admit that advanced stats matter yeah that was fun for me you would you would enjoy we've had him on the show a few years ago and we just put him on fake hold for like 10 minutes uh we don't have a hold it's a podcast so we just we just kept on bouncing him around being like oh sorry you got the wrong number let me transfer you upstairs. And it's like we were just sitting right here.
It was just going back and forth across the table. Yeah.
People I argue with on the internet, I don't have anything against them. It's like it's a chess match for me.
It's like a battle of whip. Who can get the better meme? Who can get the better diss? Yeah.
I would do a podcast with Kurt. We could talk it out.
I may not agree with everything he says. may not agree with aubrey huff or scott boris on everything but like i can have a civil conversation we can talk about the issues yeah it's like uh the ice tea tweet where he's like i i go i log on to twitter i talk some shit and then i log off yeah that's it it's a perfect way that's the way to do it when i'm not competing when i'm not on the field i can't talk shit like i'm not talking shit to my parents or my friends.
Ah, you definitely talk shit to your dad. I do.
That's fair, but not in the volume. I do during the season.
When I'm there in the clubhouse during the season, there's 30 other guys around that I can pick on someone new every day. I get made fun of plenty too.
But when we're not in that environment, I get the itch sometimes. So I just, I'm in control that said something stupid and I fire back.
Um, all right. Well, Trevor, thank you so much.
We appreciate you, uh, joining us. Everyone, uh, follow him on Twitter.
And like I said, he's got, uh, movement media, which is doing some awesome stuff. Uh, you got to check them out.
He's partnering with, uh Jr. Is it just for the YouTube page where people could say, oh, sorry, Momentum.
I screwed that up. Momentum Media.
It's Momentum on YouTube. It's Watch-Momentum on most socials.
Watch underscore Momentum as well. You can find me, Bauer Outage, on all socials and it's all linked to my bios.
If that's easier to, yes. Okay.
Awesome. Well, thank you, man.
We appreciate it. Uh, I would say best of luck, but I'm a Cubs fan.
So I hope that you suck this year really bad. Oh, I hope I'm just really good against the Cubs and we can talk after the season.
Yeah. Oh, like that time that you, uh, cut your finger off in the drone right before the world Series? Yeah.
I'll take a redo. Alright, man.
Have a good one. Alright.
See you guys. Thanks for having me on.
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Okay, let's get some segments.

First up, we have a PR 101 for Deshaun Jackson.

I'm going to say this.

Wait, what happened?

Yeah, just as a rule, if you're ever going to post something that starts with Hitler said, not a great idea. Usually a real easy way to bow out of posting whatever that is.
Just click the X button on Internet Explorer. Maybe if it's like Hitler said, pass me my cyanide.
Even that. Yeah, probably not.
Probably just avoid the H-man altogether. and then he went on to apologize for it and say, I didn't realize what that quote from Adolf Hitler meant.
Yes. I think you don't have to get into really the nuance of this to understand that you should not be posting anything by Adolf Hitler on social media.
Yes. That's just a great rule of thumb.
And I think he also went with a little defense like, I'm not anti-Sic i actually was trying to quote lewis farrakhan which is like oh okay another notable anti-semit not putting down that shovel just yet the world yeah the world just really went downhill in general when we started letting wide receivers wear numbers in the teens i like it i well it's all the chiefs you know here's the deal that it is that Yeah, but I like it. Because it's like, oh, that guy's fast.
I like it. But the numbers go into the teams.
Next thing you know, you got Riley Cooper. You got Deshaun Jackson.
Julian Edelman's probably going to just ask to be able to play shirtless during games next year. It's a very slippery slope.
That's all I'm saying. There is no PR 101 for Deshaun Jackson, by the way.
Odell Beckham counterfeited money and handed it out to players at lsu true true just nothing really great comes from having teens um yeah so yeah deshaun jackson you're kind of out on your own there dude whoops oops whoops uh all right just tweet uh the i'm snacking girl there you go try to bury it i did that today when someone was posting a picture of my breasts just bury it Did it work? Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Changed the conversation instantly. The picture of your breasts is off the internet now.
Correct. That's good.
Okay, let's get to our Mount Rushmore. This one is going to be a doozy.
I'm very excited for this one. So, the Redskins name change has been in the news, and it was brought to the attention that uh daniel snyder in his uh infinite wisdom at one point tried to argue that the trademark the u.s trademark u.s patent and trademark office was using arbitrary terms on what was offensive or not so they filed a legal brief uh that here's what it was it was the washington nfl team is once again appealing the cancellation of their Washington Redskins trademark, this time using the defense that the U.S.
Patent and Trademark Office has fostered arbitrary enforcement since it has granted trademarks to other names the team believes are racist or misogynistic, vulgar, or otherwise offensive. So they then listed a bunch of trademarks of offensive names of companies and uh this was uh lindsey gibbs tweeted this out this list we're gonna do a mount rush more of these companies because they're fucking ridiculous and hilarious that anyone would actually come up with a company like this so we're gonna do that mount rush more thing is, Snyder ended up not being wrong about that.
What?

Like they agreed with him that, yeah, we can't say that the Redskins is too offensive to be trademarked. If we have hot octopus anti-premature ejaculation creams.

Don't ruin the Mount Rushmore.

Okay.

All right.

So let's do it.

We're going to do the Mount Rushmore of offensive trademarks that Dan Snyder tried to use to defend the Redskins. And Billy's also going to do a Mount Rushmore of cutest animals.
So you're going to be in the draft, Billy. You're going to be picking fourth.
Hank, you want to go first, then PFT, then myself? Sure. My number one pick, I just base it on terms of the ones that made me laugh the hardest the first time I went through.
Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them wallets. That's pretty good.
I like that. That was on my list as well.
This is an easy number one for me. Dick Balls.
Dick Balls Apparel. Why wallets too? Someone was clearly mad.
Someone clearly got broken up with or something bad happened. They're like, I'm going to start a company to spite men.
Let. Let's get them where it counts.
Wallets. Yes.
Okay, I'll do. Which one did you pick, BFD? I picked dick balls.
I like the ones that are. Apparel.
Yeah, dick balls that are very just like, hey, here's what we are. We're not hiding it.
So my first pick will be party with sluts apparel. Just pretty much straight to the point.
Hey, you're a dude. You want to party with sluts? Yeah.
Here's some fucking clothes for you. How much equity did Rob Gronkowski give to his brothers when they came up with that idea? Party With Sluts apparel.
Fuck, man. I can't believe someone came up with that.
Okay, Billy, your first and second cutest animals. First one up, teacup pigs.
Oh, they are so cute yes nice have you ever seen uh like a picture of a teacup pig licking an ice cream cone it's the best oh that's good okay my second pick is pygmy african pygmy hedgehogs those are the ones you always see online they're like inside they think your hands yes yes and okay yeah that's, that's good. That's good.
That's good. Okay.
We're going to come back to you. So sticking with, I'm going to go heavy on apparel.
A lot of apparel companies on this. But another one that's just straight into the point, exactly what you want.
I'll go with I love vagina apparel. So just really letting you know what this is what we do here wait is it i love vagina apparel or is it i love and it's apparel for your vagina no it's i love vagina apparel oh it's not like i love merkins no no it's it's it's apparel for us we love vagina okay boom for for dudes yes exactly we're really hammering this home if you're a dude that likes to fuck, I got both apparel companies for you.
They must have sold so many bumper stickers to dudes that drove Honda Civic SIs. Fuck.
I love vagina. Okay.
Apparel. For my second, I'm going to go with Retardopedia.
Mmm. Retardopedia.
Mmm. Just, I can't believe that that's an actual company.
How? I literally can't believe that that's a... So it's a website.
It's a website. It's probably a knockoff on Wikipedia.
I'm going to go there right now. What an outrageous, outrageous...
How high or... Yeah, how high were you when you came up with that, guys i imagine that's like the okay so it has nothing to do with people who are mentally challenged whatsoever besides the outlandish name it's just it's looks like a collection of people that have done stupid things oh my god okay that's a hell of a hell of an idea but it's very nice you know this is how they probably got

that approved it says what retardopedia is not it's not associated with wikipedia.org it's not associated anyway so disambiguation right there in case you were wondering you landed here you're in the wrong place it's not a sister site yes all right hank you're next two there's a lot of good ones

edible crossless gummy panties

lingerie lingerie, lingerie. Okay.
And MILF weed bags. Those are two where it's like the guys were like.
MILF weed bags is so good. Wait, is it, again, the same question.
Is it MILF weed and it's bags? I was thinking weed bags with various MILFs from Pornhub on them. Yes.
It's like a collection. Like Pokemon, got to collect them all.
You want to get all the MILF bags. I was thinking it was like something that could easily fit a quarter pound or an ounce of something, whatever product that you wanted, and it was just labeled as milf it's it's

such a genius marketing like what can we corner how about the guys who smoke too much and get really horny milf weed bags what do you think about when you're when you're super high milfs uh i just did a google search of milf weed bags and did the images and there's a shirt on etsy that's high milfs matter.

I love it.

I need to interview someone.

Hank is... there's a shirt on Etsy that's high milfs matter.

I love it.

I need to interview someone.

Hank is correct.

All milfs matter.

Listen, I'm shocked that Spencer Gifts didn't buy all those shirts the second they hit Etsy.

Man, milfs.

Okay.

Wow.

All right, go ahead.

All right, my next pick is going to be... there are just so many really good ones on here i'm gonna go with slut seeker oh okay okay seeker dating services so you can imagine probably what that very to the point fuck what i should have done a different one oh hopefully it'll still be on the board which one do you want to tell you because you'll you'll choose it which one do you want to do go ahead you can say it i won't say no you're gonna take it i won't say it you go um okay my next one i'm gonna go into the underwear department very simple jizz underwear god damn it jizz jizz underwear uh-huh do you like jizzing in your underwear well we got the underwear for you jizz underwear.
Do you like jizzing in your underwear? Well, we got the underwear for you. Jizz underwear.
Do you think that that specific product is going after dudes who have wet dreams late into their 40s? Yeah, I think it's just like it's milky white colored underwear so that you can't get caught if you nut it. It's got a little basket ready to go.
You don't even have to wake up and change your underwear. You don't want to Google jizz underwear.
Okay, I wasn't going to. Nope.
Okay. Billy, your last two cute animals.
Cutest animals alive. Pygmy marmosets.
Okay. Those are the little monkeys that you see always wrapped around someone's finger like hugging at the small ones.
Oh, they're so cute. Good call.
And then, last but not least, classic, puppies. Puppies.
I was going to be mad if you didn't do puppies. I was going to be mad if you didn't do puppies.
Big time. Okay, my last pick.
Pygmy Marmosets are so cute. So cute.
Probably a little bit of a theme here, but, uh, or kind of a theme on all of these.

I'll go with big titty blend coffee.

Just like, Hey, I mean, you're going to promise me big titties with my coffee in and in and

in.

I would definitely.

What about bubonic plague?

You think that should have been, you know, like a creamer instead of a coffee.

Yeah.

Fuck.

I bet you it is smart.

Damn Hank. That's really smart.
Big Titty Creamer. Mm-hmm.
Big Titty Creamer. Yeah, it's a separate brand entirely, but maybe a subset of Jizz underwear.
I also appreciate it. I don't think any of you guys are going to pick this one, but Dumb Blonde Beer.
I appreciate that Big Titty Blend Coffee doesn't tell us. It could tell us we it could be any hair color it's just all that matters is the big tits i think they have different flavors of the coffee yes it really lets you it really lets you explore all right your last pick my last one's going to be twatty girl cartoons okay twatty girl twat is an underrated word i think in terms of what we think of we think of british people cussing all the time.
We just think of them dropping the hard C-bomb. Yeah.
But they love saying twat. Yes.
And twat slaps different. Yes.
There's one that's really good that's out there still. Thug porn? Nope.
That's my last one. Okay.
That's your last one. All right.
Like thinking of that being a category on Pornhub is like someone who's like, like they typed in and was like, how is this not a thing?

Yeah.

Like, oh man, we found a fucking glitch in the system here.

I was thinking of reformed whores musical bands.

Is that a management company? It's a band.

I think it's got to be a band, a reformed whores.

Okay.

What about crippled old biker bastards?

It doesn't actually say what that is.

White girl with a booty apparel. That's just juicy.
Uh-huh. Right? That's Bebe.
Or Bebe. That's Bebe is what it is.
Bebe. Yeah, these...
God. I just imagine some dude who...
I imagine Dan Snyder being like, Yes, fine. We're good.
We're good. Not only that.
Don't worry. Don't worry.
They probably had people worrying about the name. You guys can stop working.
Not only that. We're good.
But think about the man or woman who graduated top of their class at Harvard Law. And this came across their desk.
They're like, we're going to have to have you go and find the most offensive brands out there. It's like, this is what I went to law school for? To go and find slut seeker dating services? Okay.
I actually think that what happened was Dan Snyder was like, I can't believe they rejected the name Redskins. Vinny Serrato, off the top of your head, can you think of some other names? And Vinny was just like, Hot Octopus Anti-Premature Ejaculation Creams, Old Geezer Wands, Ghetto Booty, Bound Gang Bang, Shank the Bitch Board Game, Crack Ass Skateboards, Anal Fantasy Collection,, clitoris, sex toys.
Thanks Vinny, that'll be enough. Hot octopus, anti-premature ejaculation.
No one picked that, right? I should have. That was a good one.
Also, there's a list, they're all offensive, except for milfstuporn.com is not offensive. That is a great website, I'm sure.
It's also just a fact. Right.
They do do porn. All right.
That's our Mount Rushmore. That's going to look so fucking funny with Billy's cute animals next to it.
Make your own dildo. That's a good one.
We'll make sure that we get the phrasing right there, Bubba, so that people know that we weren't just coming up with these things. Yes.
I actually don't like this one. Take your panties off clothing.
I don't like that at all.

Right.

It's like, why would you buy the panties?

It's terrible.

It's telling you not to buy these clothes.

Well, no, maybe if a guy's wearing that and a girl's like, I like your shirt.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Dude walks up.

Yeah, but he's wearing like a Letterman jacket that says, take your panties off.

And the girl just immediately.

Oh, it's like, oh, well, you said it.

Because she's just spraying all over the place.

Let's go.

Yeah, let's do it. Booty call sex aids.
What the fuck? Oh my god. You should just never sell anything called sex aids.
Yeah, that's true. Sexual assistance.
Let's do guys on chicks before we do that. Piazza, you had one more ad? Yes, we have a read it is from cbdmd and they want billy to get practice doing the mount rushmore so that one day he can get called up to the big leagues and do an actual mount rushmore instead of sitting at the kids table so billy what is the mount rushmore they want you to do they would like me to do a mount rushmore of daily bs so i've made a list my first mount rush Rushmore of Daily BS is waking up sore from Squatmageddon the day before, where you just can't get out of bed because your legs are just destroyed.
Okay. So you do legs every day? Well, I do a lot of legs.
Legs feed the wolf. What about Squattober? Squattober? Oh, you don't even know about Squattober.
You're not really a legs guy. Getting all sweaty, running to the store for Big Cat and PFTs, snacks, and beverages.

That's another daily grind.

I'm in this tiny studio, just sweaty.

Gets real smelly.

What are the snacks? Well, you're actually also the only one that works out in here.

Oh, yeah, that is true.

It gets smelly in here.

I can tell when Billy's been working out.

It smells like, what's the fertility stuff?

Clomid?

Axe.

There you go.

Axe, yeah.

It makes you super potent.

Next.

PFT's favorite snack is Reese's Pieces and Big Cat's Sour Patch Watermelon.

My third Mount Rushmore is having trouble locating an adult male African bullfrog, which is becoming way harder than I thought. I'm trying to create the world's largest frog.
And my last Mount Rushmore of daily BS is when people constantly tell you to speak into the mic and that you're a lip on Twitter. All right.
Very good, Billy. We're going to get right back to the show.
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Restrictions apply. USA! All right, back to part of my take.
Okay, let's finish up the show. Thank you, Billy.
Let's finish up the show with Guys on Chicks. How can I get, this is a vacation themed or summer themed guys on chicks.
First one. How can I get my boyfriend to stop playing spike ball the entire time we go to the beach? Hank, you're a reformed spike ball addict.
Beat them in spike ball. It's very easy.
That's probably the cut the net. Very simple way to get them to stop.
Yeah. So you'll pack the spike ball and forget one leg.
Oh, so sorry. Okay, that's good.
That's good. Hey, Jake, we're going to have a fucking Elam ending or whatever the fuck in this game.
Hi, Warzone. Hi, Warzone, Honk, Stashcat, and Karen Loving, PFT.
I've been dating this guy on and off for over a year now. We were planning a beach trip together, and last minute i found out that he was going with just the boys and i didn't find out until he was already on the trip he told me it's because his family beach house and he couldn't bring a girl but still hasn't followed through on our trip to a different place i'm still mad about it and it's been two weeks should i let it go or is he being shady i don't think he's being shady i think what happened was the plan was to have it be couples and then one guy was like, I'm not bringing mine.
Then one guy was like, yeah, I'm not bringing my girlfriend. And then it just dominoes fall.
And then he's left being like, well, yeah, boys trip. A lot of times it's just tradition too.
Like if you go to the same beach house with the boys for three summers in a row, then all of a sudden it's a thing where it's like, this is our week where we can finally just be dudes here's what you get though you can guilt him into a weekend trip at some point later on this summer so get that that is you have full upper hand on that i you just give a big sigh and be like make sure you don't go outside while he's gone so get pale as possible and be like yeah would really love to go somewhere this summer. You can do that or you can just go ahead and you can tell him that you had your own girls weekend while he was gone on his guys weekend and like make t-shirts for yourself and stuff that say Clam Jam 2020.
But then he'll feel like he's off the hook. No, but then he gets back and he's like, fuck, I feel bad because my girlfriend went and had an awesome time without me.
I shouldn't have that i don't think i would ever feel that if you came back if you came back and your girlfriend was rocking a clam jam 2020 shirt like but you had a great i'm not even talking about like the midriff cutout i'm talking about like the little ezekiel elliott like braids on the midriff going around the back and she was like sunburned everywhere but you had an awesome time with your boys at the beach all week? Yeah. I think I'd be like, sick, now I don't have to take you anywhere.
Yeah. What's up, boys, especially Choncat? Why does salt water make our nipples shave especially hard under our bikinis? I don't know the answer to that.
That's a good question. Yeah.
It sucks all the water out of them. Yeah.
And the milk. Does that happen? Do the nipples hurt under a bikini? That sucks.
Damn. Osmosis.
Yeah, there you go. There it is, Billy.
Also, try using a peeled coconut. Yeah.
For the bronze set. Or just French.
No tops. Oh, you got to piss on it.
Anything that hurts you while you're at the beach, the best way to get rid of the sting, just take a leak on it. This is a quick one, but sunscreen

doesn't move or no.

You think you're tougher than the sun?

No. Do the sunscreen.
Why wouldn't you do the sunscreen?

Slower tan.

Hey boys, last one.

Hey boys, especially vacation honk.

My boyfriend has this weird obsession with pooping in the ocean.

It's one of his favorite parts of our beach vacations.

The aqua dump.

He'll be giddy for his first shit in the ocean and specifically holds it until we get there from our condo. How should I go about getting him to stop? Or should I just let his urges go since he enjoys it so much? I mean, at the end of the day, fish shit in the ocean all day.
That's exactly what I said. Fish shit in the ocean, you don't have to wipe afterwards if you're getting waves hitting you.
It's actually wonderful. It's a wonderful sensation.
I wouldn't recommend doing it all the time because then you become the i shit in the ocean guy but yeah i think he's he's there he's already there maybe just feed him a bunch of cheese before you leave for just like load him up with string cheese on the drive to the beach and then hopefully he just plugs himself right up i just hope he's a good swimmer because the aqua deuce is great but if you're not a good swimmer you're basically just dumping on yourself you can't get away fast enough and you also i mean there's there things can happen you just got to make sure that yeah it's a it's a risky move but it's also a very good move when you can pull it off seamlessly it's extremely rewarding yeah but again i don't think that you should it it's kind of like one of those honor amongst thieves things that guys that take aqua dumps don't tell other people when they're doing it. You just go out there,

you handle your business,

and then you just kind of walk,

you duck walk back in,

take a peek behind your swim trunks,

make sure there's no stains,

no harm, no foul.

Yes.

All right, that's our show.

We will see everyone on Friday.

Are we watching a documentary?

No.

Yes.

Yes, we are.

There's one on Netflix

called Home Game,

which we've gotten a lot of recommendations.

It's got like eight episodes, though. Oh, really? Yeah.
I've watched a couple of them. It, we are.
There's one on Netflix called Home Game, which we've gotten a lot of. It's got like eight episodes, though.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

I've watched a couple of them.

It's pretty good.

I thought it was like the last one where it's like eight sports and one.

We could watch two of them.

So watch two.

The Calcio.

What is it?

CalcioStorico.

Yeah, that one is good.

And then I watched the Scottish Games one, which was pretty sick.

So let's do those two.

We'll tweet that out.

It's only like 25 minutes each. But, yeah, it it's a cool series so we'll do that for Friday and we'll see everyone on Friday love you guys especially you Indian part of my take

Talking away I don't know what

I have to say

I'm saved anyway

Today's another day

To finally shine away

I'll be coming for your love again

Shine away Today is another day to find it. Shine it away.
I'll be coming for your love of grace. Shine it away.
I'll be coming for your love of grace. Take on me.
Take me on. I'll be gone.
Rituality. Needless to say.
I'm all set in. It's about being stumbling away.
Further, I'll be okay. Say I'll leave.
It's no better to be safe than something. Take on me.
Take me out. I'll be gone in a dark tree.
The things that you say, yeah, is it a light bulb? Just to play my glory away. You all think I thought you remember.
You the shining light I'll be coming for you anyway

take on me

take me on

I'll be gone

you too I'm out.