Mega Dungeons & Dragons and Stephen A Smith Is Horny Again

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Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. told me live at park mgm sammy hagar michael anthony joe cedrioni kenny are enough right this await a deep dive into the van halen years plus solo montrose chicken foot and more tickets at ticketmaster.com sammy hagar it's time to finish what we started in las vegas residency on today's part of my take we have an extra extra long Dungeons & Dragons saga.
Tim joins us, and it is the best one we've done so far. We have shape-shifting characters by Hank.
We have some inner drama and some conclusion to what we're going to do with the dragon. So we have that.
It is extra long. It's awesome.
Get excited for that. We have a little MBA talk to start off.
We have the guy who created a 370 person porn list that was not open to debate. So we're not going to get mad at a list and much, much more.
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All right, back to part of my take.

Okay, let's go.

Boys!

Boys! Now in the street there is violence And then a lot of work to be done No place to hang out or wash in And then I can't blame all on the sun Oh no We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh we're gonna rock rock down to dealer Chicks, part of my take Presented by Barstool Sports Welcome to part of my take Presented by the Cash App Go download it right now Use code BARSTOOL You get $10 for free $10 to the ASPCA Today is Wednesday Bobby Bonilla Day The biggest day in all of sports. Bobby Bonilla gets his $1,193,248,000.
I can't do numbers anymore. $248 paycheck every July 1st.
So happy to Bobby Bonilla. The ultimate flex.
He still has like 14 years left on this thing. Congratulations, Bobby Bonilla Day.
Big day for him. How many Virgils is that? I was trying to do the math, but again, I'm not that good at division or multiplication.
It's a lot of Virgils. Bobby Bonilla has an awesome contract.
And I thought that once he's gotten to like the fifth or sixth year when he was outside of baseball and still getting paid, you'd see less of these contracts coming true. But the more MLB TV rights deals start to come in, the more you're seeing players push off and saying, yeah, I'll take some deferred money coming down the line.
It's a good deal. It's like when that scratch off millions per life or whatever it is.
I would absolutely take a deal like that instead of giving me all the money straight up. In fact, I would almost prefer that if you were to say like PFT, I'm going to give you either $20 million on your 25th birthday or I'm going to give you a million dollars a year until you're 50.
I'm absolutely taking a million until I'm 50 because if I'm 25, I'm just going to like – I'm going to spend it like Billy Football would. Yes.
Just buy a shitload of jet skis just have like my own jet ski farm it's

essentially just leaving it's saving some for later saving that last bite of the sandwich for 10 years down the line when you know you'll probably need it it actually um it's perfect that it obviously happens every july 1st but today where we're sitting here recording this june 30th uh darren williams actually got his last paycheck from the new jersey nets now the Brooklyn Nets and he hasn't played for them for five years.

So I love these type of contracts where a guy keeps getting paid forever. And I would even do it more.
If I was Bobby Bonilla, I would have gone even further. I would have been like half a million for 80 years.
Fuck it. Just keep going forever and never.
And you could always just bank on it. Like that one day he probably, he probably has like the biggest party in the month of June being like, guess what? July 1st, I get another paycheck and it's awesome.
And I'm rich again. Oh yeah.
You definitely have to get like a bouncy air castle and a clown and a dunk tank and everything. Like every July 1st, that's the biggest holiday of the year for you.
What if you just got like $50,000 a year for the next, like however long it'd be 75 years. So your kids would still be getting that contract after you were done.
Like that'd be even better. Yeah.
That math does not work out whatsoever though. No, it doesn't.
Yeah. $50,000 would have to be like 700 years or something.
There you go. Your, your grandkids, your great grandkids get it.
Like, actually all that would be ensuring is that your grandchildren are going to be

like the laziest pieces of shit ever. Cause there'll be like,

even if you have like 20 grandkids,

like I get my $4,000 a year coming in every July 1st,

I don't need to get a job.

We just, we're so bad at math.

We just went from Bobby Bonilla day to talking ourselves into like,

like the sixth year of our job at progressive insurance, like writing writing, like underwriting auto insurance for people. Like that's like, what about like a $55,000 a year job? Yeah.
Like real comfortable benefits. Like what about that? That doesn't sound so bad.
Yeah, it's like Dwight's true $60,000 a year being a co-manager of a hotel in hell. That is really the dream for anybody.
That's the American there yes all right so that that that congratulations by bonia it's always great to have by bonia day i i'm unfortunate and it's unfortunate that darren revel has co-opted bobby bonia day i'm sure he'll have some tweets we need to remind jake to get he needs to tweet at 1201 tonight make sure he gets that content going right away and also break it down a million different ways all right mental note jake when you get to this point he listens before every show make sure you have a full list of things bobby bonia day could buy both yearly and for the the length of his contract i want the weirdest shit you can come up with um all right so the other thing we have going on finally we have NBA players going to their facilities, then getting ready to go to Orlando. Feels like it's still precarious.
Feels like there's still, what's going to end up happening in my mind is that the teams that can actually win something are going to field the full teams. And you see a team like the Nets that are just, it feels like everyone's dropping like flies because they don't really want to be there and get the shit kicked out of them by the Bucs.
But the big news today in the NBA is we finally have the elephant that's been in the room the whole time. Stephen A.
Smith addresses it head on and says it's going to be an issue with how horny everyone's going to get trying to get out of the bubble to hook up. And let me tell you, if there's an expert that can speak on this,

it is Stephen A.

Smith, who is self-admitted horny for hours on hours every day.

Well, a few hours, maybe not all day long, but a few hours of every day.

Not all day.

He's not horny.

That's why he wears the big pants so he can easily conceal an erection that

he might have.

It's tough to pitch a tent in like a tarp that's hanging around your belt,

like it's a hot air balloon draped around your waist. So, yeah, Stephen A.
Smith, I think we talked about this in part of my take a couple weeks ago. You were saying that the real problem was going to be there's no ice cream machine.
I was saying the real problem is we don't know the groupie situation. We need Windhorse to go head-to-head against Stephen A.
Smith to have that debate on first take so we can finally get to the bottom of it. I don't like the body shaming you just did.
No, I just – The horse looks good. His hair looks great.
I'm not saying that when horse – I'm not saying one way or another who's taking which side. You just assumed that when horse would be taking the ice cream side.
Shame on you. Yeah, because we talked about Stephen A.
Smith being horny. But it's a real thing.
It's a real issue. There's no doubt about it.
If you are a single NBA player and you're down inside that bubble for up to what, a month and a half, maybe with no sort of a release, shall we say, there's going to be, there's going to be those letters passed around like there were in every single college dorm, which ended up being fake saying like, we need you to stop masturbating because it's clogging up the showers. Credit to you the way uh for keeping the dreams like you know any 12 year old who's listening to this show being like that that qualifier if if it's a single nba player credit to you for that because we know all married nba players they won't even think about it it'll be straight to the ice cream line listen doug christie set a model that will never be broken for NBA players in the early 2000s.
That's how these guys operate, one woman at a time. Yeah.
Hank, were you going to say something? No, I was just curious, like, what would you, like, how would you solve this issue? Because, you know, like, realistically, they should, I don't know, what would you do? What would you do? It's a very easy fix, Hank. Same thing as the korean baseball association did you get sex dolls in the stands so every player gets to pick one like their uh alice cooper at a concert back in like the late 70s and they just point to their bodyguard at the end of every game they're like i want that one to come backstage it it would be funny similar to a bowl grab bag when you go play in like the playstation bowl and they give you a pair of sunglasses and a cheap watch and they're like hey here's basically the same thing as getting paid if every single nba player got like a fleshlight and some lube and a browser's password and was like hey here's how we keep here's how we stay safe everyone good job sponsorship money too yeah that's true that's true maybe a cam soda yeah maybe what they meant like movie night it's just cam soda night and everyone like it's like everyone just kind of sits there they give everyone their own blanket and they sit and watch watch a cam girl at night that's how they determine only fans on their back that's their sign of i don't the highest seed is just whoever wins the game ofokie Cookie in the community television room.
What would you guys say if you had to guess June 30th, what percentage that there will be a full basketball, like from exactly how there's have it scheduled? 100% because I'm not willing to doubt myself now. It's the only thing that I've got pulling me forward until the end of the month.
So call me delusional, call me insane, but I think it's 100% going to happen. I won't hear any evidence to the contrary or anything that might make me change my mind because I don't want to go down that dark road.
I think it's going to happen. 10%.
I think it's going to happen because they're very adamantly trying to make it happen. It seems like Adam Silver's like, we need to bring it back.
Well, here's the's the thing hank like of course they're trying yeah but i don't think they're going to be deterred by a couple positive tests i think it's going to be weird i think there's going to be guys that are going to miss time i think there's going to be teams that look like skeleton crews by the way sam decker still could play so maybe it's one of these teams signed sam decker for a couple days i don't know just an idea but i think they're going to get it we're going to have basketball at the end of july do you think that maybe there's some but is it going to make it to the finals like what if what what happens to the nuggets what if that happens in the middle of the season it gets easier that's where it gets interesting once once one team starts to have a bunch of players that have to sit out for a while at at what point does Adam Silver say, okay, we're canceling this whole operation? Because then at that point, you're going to get all the conspiracy theories coming out and saying, they're just canceling it because LeBron's not going to make the finals. It doesn't count if you win anyway.
No, it doesn't. Absolutely does not count.
I think they're going to power through it. Like, if you if you have a team it gets easier obviously as you get further down the line because there's less teams there's less play personnel everything gets easier when there's like four teams left and i think when we talk about guys like leaving the bubble i don't think it's the guys that are playing for a championship that you have to worry about i think it's the guys that know that they're gonna smith is gonna be in the lakers i understand but they're gonna get the shit kicked out of them when they like in the first round by the lakers or the clippers or the bucks and they're like why the fuck am i here why the hell am i like trying to sit inside all night and uh play xbox and like watch disney movies those are the guys that are going to be like, fuck this.
Stay woke. Spencer Dinwiddie comes down with COVID the day after he says that he was going to wear a trillion on the back of his jersey to bring awareness to the national debt crisis.
Which I still don't really understand. That's been one of those things since I was in second grade.
That's fun money. People are making clocks showing how big the national debt is getting.
It's like, well, next year this is going to come due and we're all going to be in a lot of trouble. It's like putting on a credit card.
The way I've always assumed how the national debt works is that – what do we owe it to China? Do we owe it to China? We owe it to a lot of people. Okay, so whoever we owe it to, China is like our bookie, and they basically are saying we'd rather you just keep playing than try to collect all this money because it's gotten too too far uh you know past where we can get it so yeah that's all that's happening we have a bobby bonita contract with the nation of china right now right we owe them a certain amount of money it's a small amount of money that we have to owe them every single year as long as long as we keep those payments going, then we can keep betting against the spread.

Yeah.

What were you going to say, Hank?

Last point.

Last point.

PFT, are you recording?

I don't think you are.

I am recording.

You sure?

I'm recording audio.

Oh, I'm not recording.

I'm recording the video.

I see you.

I see you.

I see.

No, I see you recording your video.

Oh, shit. I'm not recording video.
No, you're your video. Oh, shit.

I'm not recording video.

No, you're recording video, Liam.

I'm not recording.

Yeah, I have the backup where it's like gallery view.

So it's all for you.

I didn't record audio.

I don't see you recording.

Me?

Yeah.

I was just making sure.

Do I need to just start?

Mine says recording. Should I start recording audio on QuickTime or no? Probably not at this point.
Okay. You can keep all this in.
That was great. Behind the scenes.
Stay woke part two. Two Lakers players tested positive for Corona, and they never reported who.
And they reported pretty much every other player who's tested positive. I kind of like this.
We should start – you know do if there's not going to have if we're not going to have a season they should let us start betting on these things they should let us start betting on who tested positive and that will be its own sport where it's just instead of sports sports are now just getting a hundred celebrities or athletes in a room and just betting on who would get coronavirus.

Okay.

So I think that's not a bad news.

We need to, we need to flip it because we don't want to,

we don't want to be rooting for people to get sick or not.

We just need to flip it and say,

I'm going to bet on who's not going to get the virus.

That's fine.

I don't care.

Yeah.

I don't care how we phrase it.

I just think that's a good news sport.

You watch them.

You could be,

it's basically like watching reality television,

like big brother with celebrities. And then the gamble is who will stay coronavirus free yeah i'm putting all my money on tom brady because even even if he gets it he's not going to admit that he has it and if he gets it he's going to just he drinks so much water that it's just not going to affect him he wouldn't admit that he had it and he would be like the super super super spreader and be like i'm fine i'm totally fine he's like i'm fine i drank six gallons of water today and i haven't eaten a strawberry since i was four there's no chance i have it um all right let's get to our hot seat cool throne and then we'll get to dungeon and dragons i can't miss dungeon and dragons by the way no show friday no show friday monday will be our takeies we have uh recorded a bunch of the takeies.
Get excited for that Monday. We're going to get right back to the show.
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All right. Back to part of my take.
Okay. Hot seat, cool throne and Hank.
My hot seat is Gus Duggerton. So stay woke once again.
I'm not a tinfoil hat guy, but I'm just going to say these two things happened the same day. Coincidence, I'll let the people decide.
But this morning, this was real news, like real-life news, breaking. At least three members of the Toledo City Council have been taken into custody by federal law law enforcement officers so far the fbi is unwilling to comment except to say it is an ongoing matter which is interesting because you know a lot of people said like coach coach dougs was at all these power five schools why would he go back to toledo didn't make a lot of sense and then a few hours later from our darling jake marsh tweeted just in preliminary reports suggest head coach gus dugerton dealt with a serious health square earlier this morning.
It is not expected to be life-threatening, but his status for tonight's coaching carousel may be in jeopardy. Here's to us in Coach Doug's speedy recovery.
Okay, so by this time, the time you're listening to this, the news is already broken. Gus Duggerton has had a heart attack.
He is on life support. He's had a heart attack he is on life support he's had a heart attack in reality uh so that's that's what's happening in the video game world in reality I realize that we finally have a vacation we haven't had a vacation in a really long time and also sports are coming back well Hank excluding uh sports are coming back in July so we're gonna have like no July or August really, either.
So I'm going to – Gus Duggering is going to be in the hospital until Sunday night. Sunday night, we're going to get back into it.
Take a break. Always good to take a break.
Take a step back. Just chill out for a second.
I may hop on a stream. I know the Dozens are playing a trivia game on Wednesday night on the part of my Twitch.
What's it called? No, that's right. I like't, but it's a programming change.
It's going to be Wednesday at the regularly scheduled time at 11. 11 a.m.? Yeah, it's going to be on Periscope and it's going to be on the normal channels.
Okay, so that's happening. So I may hop on and do some fuck around on a Twitch if I feel like it, but I needed a break.
I need to just chill out for a second. The Toledo bribery scandal.

Have I ever told you guys the time that I like,

there was a,

when I worked in real estate in Chicago and they,

there was a bribery scandal,

which happens like every year in Chicago government,

but in the department of buildings.

And it was like,

like one of the people I worked with all the time to get permits from was wrapped up in it. I can't tell you the disappointment that someone you can feel when you realize you could have been bribing someone to get things done quicker.
And you just weren't. I was such a sucker.
You're like, what am I, chopped liver? Do you think that you maybe missed some of the signals when they were asking for bribes and you just weren't cool enough to pick up on it? Because that would be, that would be what me. I'd be living in fear that, like, I put off vibes that I'm not bribable.
Honestly, it probably is. It's actually very similar to the time that Hank was with me when Hank, Dave, and I went to the Breeders' Cup with Wes Welker.
And then the next year, it came out that he was doing ecstasy at the Kentucky Derby. And I was like, so we're clearly squares.
Like you didn't offer us any X. So that hurt my feelings.
But this one really hurt my feelings. I remember the woman I worked with all the time and she was caught up in it.
And my boss was like, had to sit me down and be like, you weren't bribing anyone. Right.
And I was like, no, but I fucking wish I was. Cause it's a pain in the ass.
how long i had to sit in line every day with the department of buildings so i don't know toledo's going through it it's i'm sure someone's going through what i'm feeling what i felt back in the day when it's like damn i could have i could have had my job be a lot easier yeah when i was working in in software down in austin texas one of our clients was a a government organization that weighed and manufactured and one didn't manufacture, but they weighed and packaged and distributed peanuts. It was like a big agricultural client and they got in trouble because they were getting kickbacks from all the different vendors that they were doing business with.
I was pissed off because I was a salesperson and I knew that I could have charged a lot more. Our rates could have been way, way higher just with the understanding that I would give them money back on the other side.
I missed out on a shitload of commissions, but thankfully I never got rid by the FBI. But that is cool.
That's very cool to like be working in an office environment and have a bunch of FBI agents, as long as they're wearing those blue windbreakers with the yellow writing, like storm in through the doors. That's an awesome situation to find yourself.
The story, the moral of the story is being a good person is good, except for the moments when you feel like you really missed out on some fun. Yeah.
Right. I'm happy with the choices I made there, but there was that momentary like, fuck, like I could have fucking, my life could have missed.
You missed out. Yeah.
I missed it on an adrenaline rush and a lot. I missed the thrill I miss the thrill.
That's the real thing. Whenever you find yourself...
I could have worn a wire for the government to capture everyone. That would have been thrilling too.
Dude, you could have gone into witness protection. That'd be sweet.
Maybe they'd send you somewhere tight like Hawaii. Yeah, that would have been awesome.
Alright, Hank, what's your cool throne? My cool throne is Curb. Curb Your Enthusiasm.
I got greenlit uh greenlit for 11th season i know big cat you didn't necessarily like the last season as much i thought it was it was probably the best recent season of the last like two or three and i think larry david with corona is going to be amazing it got better towards the end i just thought there were some of the some of the episodes were like almost parody of curb that they were so curb whereas like 16 different things were happening right you know what i mean and also there's something about curb like peak curb you could you knew kind of what was happening but you also like got stunned a little by the cringe this last season it's like you know exactly how everything's gonna play to get cringy. Yeah.
Right. Right.
But I think the Corona, Corona Larry David, like there's no, there's no better wheelhouse for that guy. Yes.
Yes. I would just like to see it come back for real sex, real sex and taxi cab confessions.
If you guys never watched taxi cab confessions, that was an awesome show. Yeah, it was, it was amazing.
Well, it's no, it's totally different. Hey, this one, it's like people in the back of cab in new york and they say the most embarrassing shit and they start doing the most embarrassing shit and then when they get out of the cab they're like hey could you sign a release saying that it's okay for us to put this on tv they're like sure go ahead they should do that for uber uber confessions that was back when t people like didn't tv wasn't like if you said oh yeah go ahead put me on hbo there's a chance that like 75 of your family and friends never saw it so it's also back in the day when porn wasn't super widespread so anything you got that like maybe you saw a bra or a knee you're like yeah this is this will this is enough to do the trick for me right now right um all right what's uh what's your hot seat cool throne pft My hot seat is firecrackers.
So New York is dealing with an explosion of firecrackers and fireworks. They've been going off every single night for like the last three weeks.
Somebody threw an M80 outside my house a couple weeks ago, and it was really loud. I didn't realize how loud an M80 really was, but it sounded like a real-life explosion out there.
But they're on the hot hot seat because although they've been kind of annoying for the last couple of weeks, I did some digging into the kind of volume of sales and the expected rate of sales of fireworks over the course of any given year. They produce enough fireworks to be able to get you through the 4th of July.
So right now, people have bought up so many fireworks and used enough of them already that there's not going to be enough left over for the 4th, at least in New York City. So it'd be like a calm-ish, calmer than normal 4th of July in New York City, which should be, that'll be kind of eerie to begin with.
But yeah, it's like every single night there's, it's just like one explosion after the other outside my window. It's crazy.
Yes. Yes.
I, like 2 in the morning clockwork here, the fireworks, and I believe all of the threads about them, the fireworks, they're like the government's probably lighting them. Police are lighting them, trying to confuse us.
I don't know, but all I know is I hear a lot of fireworks. Correct.
My other hot seat is the Buffalo Bills because 60 of their 88 players are from outside of new york state in states that have newly enacted quarantine policies for people flying into new york so whenever the bills start to practice they're gonna have to wait like two weeks to get most of their team out there on the field uh so between that and also getting the other josh allen cam newton in the division uh this is going to be a very tricky off season tricky training camp set up for the bills they got to circle the wagons ahead of time right now yes i'm the bills i mean the afc east now it becomes one of the most interesting divisions in all football with cam newton going to the Patriots. But the Bills, just like the fact the Bills could win a division, thinking about the Bills winning a division, having a home playoff game, Hank is now shaking his head.
It's exciting to think about. I mean, we have Cam Newton now.
I don't know if you guys have heard the news. Cam Newton is basically Josh Allen, though.
How many wins do you think the Patriots will have this year now? Twelve. Wow.
That's no step back. I don't know.
I don't know about that, Hank. Twelve.
I think they are the favorite right now. I feel like there is some type of Brady versus Belichick rivalry going on where they're trying to really put on for this season.
You think that they would re-sign Antonio Brown? That would be hilarious. Lombardi said he's hearing it like he's hearing it.
Oh, my God. Brady would be so mad.
No, no, no. The Bucs.
Oh, I thought you meant to – They want Brown. That would be incredible if the Patriots re-signed Antonio Brown and was like, you know what? Enough time's passed.
They should re-sign him and then trade him to the Bills again the Bills again. Yes.
See if it works out the second time. My cool throne is John Elway because he just turned, I forget, like 60 years old or something like that.
But I don't know what pact, what blood oath was signed by every member of the NFL media that said that they had to wish John Elway a happy 60th birthday. But literally everybody did.
Like I've never seen this many people just come out of the woodwork to wish, to wish a single general manager or owner or any sort of team employee, like happy, happy birthday. But everybody bent the knee for John Elway and was like, Hey, Hey John, just so you know, wishing you happy birthday.
I got your back. Yep.
Yep. I mean, John Elway is, is love for, although I don't know.
We'll We'll see. If he can't – if the Broncos are never good again under his watch, does he lose – that's why you never should take that type of job.
I know he won one like in the front office, but you could basically ruin it. You've got to just kind of ride off into the sunset and be the legend and never take any risks with the organization again.
I don't know. It's solely your reputation.
I'm a Drew Locke believer. And my other cool throne, in addition to John Elway.
Jesus, how many you got? Okay, I'll pass on this one. I'll let you go because I know you have some good ones.
What do you got? No, go ahead. Okay.
All right, I'll go ahead. My hot seat is Big Ben.
My hot seat is Big Ben. Big Ben's on the hot seat because he just came out as a porn addict and then uh monday night we've got one of the all-time tweets twitter threads ever uh liam not our liam but at simp pilgrim tweeted top 370 porn stars parentheses not up for debate and then he went and listed 370 porn stars, parentheses, not up for debate.
And then he went and listed 370 porn stars according to his rankings, which is not up to debate. And just sometimes you've got to just tip your cap and be like, man, the internet, that was good.
Like that was good what that guy just did. And I just feel bad for guys like Big Ben who are recovering porn addicts who see something like this and probably see a lot of names they've never seen before.
And, you know, maybe find love again online. Now, are we sure that this wasn't written by Big Ben? That was my first thought is like good list Roethlisberger.
I appreciate it. And it was only female porn stars, right? Correct.
Correct. Okay.
So I would imagine, I would actually like to see what Big Ben's best male porn star list is. Because you know he's got favorites.
I kind of like Big Ben. He's got to like admire the stroke of a Peter North.
Or I bet when he first saw like the Milf Hunter videos, he probably sent texts to all his friends. And was like, you guys got to check this out.
This guy's game is so smooth. He just goes into a grocery store.
and boom, he just gets women to come home and sleep with him. It's awesome.
Dude, he just drives around in his bus and fucks chicks in his bus. It's real too.
It's crazy. It's always crazy.
How would you feel if you were a porn star that didn't get put on this list? Well, I think you could spin zone it and be like, hey, I'm unranked, but I got years to go. I think if you're a younger porn star you're on the list, you can spin it.
If you're older and your time has passed, it might hurt a little bit. But he also – he's clearly got some bias here.
Again, we're not going to argue. All I'll say is Shiloh Styles at 354 and Lisa Ann at 94 is absolutely atrocious.
But, again, not going to argue. Not going to argue.
We're not going to argue about it. But yeah, Lisa Ann at 94, like the committee got that one wrong.
That's right. That's awful.
Right. That's like a, that's one of those when we, when we got mad about the NFL 100 list.
Like even if you, even if you missed her heyday, you got to put her her in. Even if we didn't see YA Tittle play,

you've got to know that he meant something to the game.

Right, she changed the game 100%.

I thought that was a little bit disrespectful,

and it did skew towards the East Coast as well,

but that's to be expected.

All right, so that's my hot seat.

I fucking would love to talk to this guy.

Actually, I probably wouldn't.

His Twitter bio is Captain of Team America Future Susp future suspended user so at least he's self-aware um all right my best yeah he's best observed from a distance like a monet painting yeah my cool throne is ezekiel elliott because he got caught on uh was a live stream twitch saying um i'm so faded right now or low-key faded yeah yeah he like he like walked off stream uh relatable moment he walked off stream forgot to mute his mic and you could just hear him clearly like smoking a blunt yeah well and then i guess he was talking allegedly he came out and said he was talking about drinking so uh people like you in the fake news media hank sorry that's just's just not how it worked. Yeah.
Sorry, Ezekiel. Relatable moment, though.
I actually left my mic on for like 16 hours the other day. I left my house, and Hank was like, yo, I think you just left everything on.
And I was like, oh, well, that sucks. I'm not going to be home for 12 hours.
So a lot of Stella barking and my son crying. That's pretty much it.
Yeah, I did that the other day when I was finishing up with the desk. I just sat down on my couch and left everything on.
And people were like, I think PFT is doing a bit right now. I was just like laying there talking to my dog about how mad I was that my Chinese food didn't get there.
No bit. All right.
That is our Hot Seat Cool Thrones. Let's get to Tim Woods.
All time, all time, all time Dungeons & Dragons episode. Again, reminder, no show on Friday, but we'll be back on Monday with a Takey's Awards.
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That's MeUndies.com slash take. And now, Dungeons & Dragons.
Okay, it is that time. We got some extra time.
It is our very, very friend tim woods our dungeon master ready to run us through our dungeon and dragons game which is i think we are now in the third chapter is it third or fourth fourth chapter this might be the fourth chapter fourth chapter of our campaign right so for people who missed it, go back and listen. They're electric.
But if you want to get caught up real quick, Tim is going to do that for us. He's going to set the scene.
He's going to tell us everyone who they are, where we're at, what's going on. Tim, the floor is yours.
Absolutely. So, so far, our adventure has been highly successful.
In the village of Greenest, our caravan had pulled up only to find the village under attack. And after interrogating some kobolds and fighting some cultists on the way to the central keep in this village, we kind of managed to find out that this town had been under attack by red-robed cultists who were trying to grab every piece of treasure that they could get their hands

on in this village. And we did come up with a little bit of a scheme once we reached the castle

to use a big pot of chili stew in order to lure the cult's dragon minion to the castle. And once

it arrived, this great, mighty blue dragon, Lenathon, had been disgusted with the castle

that she saw. We started launching attacks against her and trying to convince her in different

Thank you. This great, mighty blue dragon, Lenathon, had been disgusted with the castle that she saw.
We started launching attacks against her and trying to convince her in different ways and use a couple of different strategies to see if we could do something to this dragon.

And we did succeed in annoying her enough to the point where when Berserker Billy, the war cleric, Goliath, had made a critical hit to talk to this dragon and convince this dragon to let him climb onto her back and to fly away from this castle and to stop helping these cultists. When that happened, the dragon took off.
The cultists were like, yeah, wait, what? And got very upset once they saw their dragon, their big artillery,

flying away with one of these adventurers from the castle.

And then the last moment had been the dragon kind of leaning back and saying,

all right, rock man, let's talk.

And it's clear that you've had some influence over this dragon, Berserker Billy, but the dragon is by no means on our side just yet, but is listening to you at the moment. And that was the state of play where we ended things last time.
And as I get kind of letting us know where we are right now, I'd also want to announce some congratulations are in order because we are officially level two now. Let's go.
We are leveled up. Yes.
We are level two characters. Yes.
One better. All right i i want to know what's going on with level two but before we get to level two uh am i just so we're set i'm still stronger than billy right i guess that depends on you know having some influence over a dragon is certainly powerful but also extremely risky uh i would say uh you're both level two.
You're both going to be pretty equally powerful, more or less. But, okay.
One had to be stronger than the other. Well, this is an interesting point because we had highlighted that your strength is slightly higher, I think, in the war direction.
Okay, say no more. Yeah, say no more.
In terms of the strength stat, your strength is certainly higher. That's so couch.
He like danny targaryen if you take away his dragon he's nothing he's good yeah bill i'm not saying billy's not strong it's just that i am stronger okay all right so what happens with level two absolutely so speaking of strength norm the barbarian when you hit level two your ability that you gain is a very simple one it's called a reckless attack whenever you want you can kind of go crazy and go full offense with your weapon and you get to roll two b20s and take the higher number when you attack somebody but if you choose the reckless attack option then any attacks against you that turn also get the same advantage for them so you're going full offense no defense is what you do when you do a reckless attack okay i like that so i'm like the oklahoma sooners you might not get that reference but yeah that's fine that's we have it's absolutely true though uh and then wayne wayne the bard uh your ability that you're going to be gaining at level two uh you gained a new spell and the spell i chose for you is called unseen servant you summon a little air elemental a creature of pure air that nobody can see and it can fly around and pick things up for you it can't really attack it only has one hit point but nobody can see it and so you can get up to a lot of mischief with your unseen i have an imaginary friend it's an imaginary friend precisely right exactly and it can pick up small things this is in addition to the spells you already had like a disguise self to change your shape so that you look like somebody else uh and uh hideous laughter where you can make somebody just start laughing uncontrollably oh i like that one uh what about this small guy that flies around he you said he can pick up small objects and bring them back to me. How small are we talking about here? Because it sounds like what you're describing is just like a drug runner for me.
Basically, he can definitely carry like coins, small pouches, things like that. So for smuggling things, this creature is ideal.
For carrying bricks, not so great. Its strength is not fantastic.
What about a kilo? Like, could he carry a kilo of something? There's a certain amount, but a kilo, I would say, is the perfect size. I got a random question, Tim, that just popped in my head.
Do you accept Bitcoin when you do these dungeon... I can't use my word.
Dungeon Master. Dungeon Master.
Dungeon Master. Dungeon Mastering Sessions I've never been offered Bitcoin but I'm supposing now that you say it I wouldn't turn it down Let's get that going Yeah, we want to start paying you Bitcoin Absolutely, love that It's twice as nice Alright, so who else? So we also have Hank Absolutely, Hank The abilities that you would gain are, first of all,

you have a mask of many faces, which is the same ability Wayne has.

You can now shapeshift so that you create an illusion around you

of someone else that you have seen.

And you can disguise yourself just as well as the bard now,

but you also gain a new spell called hellish rebuke.

When someone attacks you, you can shoot a dirty look at them and narrow your eyes and they'll just burst into flames like a nasty look. Like your mom, like when your mom's pissed off at you.
That's so perfect because that is Hank. Hank can kill you with his looks.
I figured that would be appropriate. You can just like, anytime they attack you, you can just shoot them a look and they burst into flames and it's a response attack that you don't have to use your turn or it happens on somebody else's i love it i love it so perfect all right and billy and then berserker billy you are a war priest and i wanted to let you know that you now have the war priest abilities where two times per day you can swing your hammer and then get just a free extra attack with your bonus action so if you swing you can swing again the only limit is you can only do that two times per day right now then you have another ability you just gained called guided strike that's where you call upon your war god and you just add a plus 10 to whatever you just rolled on a particular attack nice you You can only do that once per day.
So that's a one shot for a really important attack in theory with your big hammer. But I also wanted to highlight, I actually looked up gods in the Goliath pantheon.
And in theory, the war god that you follow, the most popular Goliath deity, would be Kavaki the Ram Lord. So unless you want to go through some other options, Kavaki the Ram Lord is not just the god of Goliaths in general.
He is the god of competition and games as well. And every game that Goliaths play within their society, and there are many of them such as goat ball and a few other games.
He is the patron of all those games. You care a lot about competition, whether it's in war or just for fun.
Just highlighting that that's the mock-up. Tim did his research on all of our personalities.
Billy's God is essentially just a commissioner of football. Yeah, so he gave Hank the looks, which he does.
He gave me air dugs, all offense. He gave Billy being just obsessed with competition, and he gave drug guy PFT the ability to smuggle.
You're fucking smart, Tim. Good job, Tim.
You disguise yourself as well. I figured these were important pieces of information, and all credit goes to the designers of the different D&D books.
They all came up with a whole, there's 13 different goliath gods you could have picked from i just figured the god of competition seems a very appropriate so this just yeah life finds a way huh tim uh and and and that's all your level two abilities everybody so congratulations you did get extra hit points which are going to be very important today i think but those are the most abilities that you would have gained. And with that, I would also let us know that we know where things kind of left off last time.
But I also want to say that in the castle, since the dragon flew away, we're seeing the cultists got really upset, but they are still trying to surround the castle right now. We see them forming a line around the castle, a kind of siege line starting to form of red-robed figures, elves, humans, and dwarves, all pointing swords and bows up at us and kobolds in their number, as well as some of these big lizard-looking dog creatures, as well as there's a big pile of the town's treasure that they have piled up behind their defensive line and they've kind of formed an encircling group of army around that kind of treasure pile as well.

We are also seeing that someone is being brought forward from out of the crowd.

She is being carried on a big chair, a palanquin being carried by four cultists.

And she has the nicest cultist robes you've seen. She's wearing a golden mask made of pure gold with all these tendrils coming off of it.
And she points up at you at the castle, at least the people who are in the castle right now. And then prisoners are being brought forth, villagers who are tied up at their hands.
And it seems like kobolds are poking them with spears and ushering them forward. And there is this big knight on the wall who is like the leader of the town guard, obviously, here, or some kind of big, important muckety-muck in his big plate mail with a huge sword sword and he seems to be pointing down and trying to assess what's going on out there so now that we're in a new situation i want to say that today we would start by rolling a new initiative so the first things everyone is going to do is going to roll a d20 and add their dexterity bonus to this uh the dexterity bonus for Wayne would be plus two.

For Norm, it would also be a plus two.

In fact, everybody here has a plus two, except for Berserker Billy.

You have a minus one on us, unfortunately.

You're more about strength than dexterity.

Everybody else has a plus two on us. That's why you're a wide receiver now.

I got a 15.

15 total after the plus two?

No, I got 15.

15, so you got a 17 total. Love it.
I got a 15. 15 total after the plus two? No, I got 15.
15, so you got a 17 total.

Love it.

I got a nine.

All right, a nine.

And then is that before your plus two?

That is before my plus two, so I have 11.

Before the plus two, you got an 11.

Awesome, Norm.

Got you down.

And Berserker Billy, how did you do?

I got a four. Four, and you have a minus one on this.
So unfortunately, that's a three for Berserker Billy. This is exciting because you're the one on Dragonback.
So on your turn, we're going to see exactly what happens with the dragon. But how did Ehrlich do? How'd you do, Hank? Tim, we're going to actually have Jake sit in because Hank has to attend to a minor emergency.
So Jake's going to sit in and he's going to be Hank for a few minutes here. So Jake, you roll.
Jake's going to sit down. You roll a D20 and you're going to add a plus two to whatever number you roll.
Say it in the mic. 19.
19! Jake! Hank's never coming back. Wait, is this like what you just said? Hank has many faces now and he can change looks? That's what he's done? Good call, PFT.
Now he's Jake. Yes.
He just changes his appearance. Even his voice changes with this illusion.
I love it. Okay.
It sounds like with a 19 on the die, that with a plus 2 would be a 21. Is that right? Yep.
That's Ehrlich. Love it.
Good job. New Hank.
So first of all uh erlich would be going first in our team's initiative followed by wayne then norm then berserker billy but i will be i have already rolled for the monsters who are around here so i'll be interrupting our in between our turns with what they do and the first person to go is actually that big knight on the wall. You're realizing that this knight is definitely actually not from this town.
He's a visitor, same as you, but he seems like he is strong and authoritative and he's taking control of the situation. So right now we all see all of our characters would see him approaching Ehrlich on the walls.
And he seems to speak in a kind of rough voice with a thick accent.

And he says, hey, listen, we got to see what's going on out there.

We got some troops out there, some prisoners.

We got to see what's going on.

And this knight seems like he has an insignia on his shoulder.

It looks like an insignia of a cat of some kind.

And he is approaching Ehrlich right now.

But Ehrlich would be more than welcome to talk to him if we want to talk for Ehrlich right now. Otherwise, any of us could approach this night.
Talking to him is a free action. We don't have to do it on our turn.
Hank does love cats. Jake, you want to talk to him? Hank's got away with the felines.
I'm allergic to cats. Oh, no.
Oh, no. And dogs.
Oh, my God. That is so you.
Jake, can you interview him? Can you approach him like you're doing a sideline interview? Hold your nose and interview him. I just took a Zyrtec, too.
Okay, perfect. Perfect.
He's good. And, in fact, Ehrlich would be super good at interviewing people.
He has a charisma bonus of plus two. So roll a D20 plus two if you're trying to interview this guy and find out who is this knight.
He seems to be on our side. He's inside the castle.
13. There you go, Jake.
13. Nice.
With a plus two, then you got a 15 total. And with a 15, he's going to start answering your questions.
But first, he introduces himself. He extends a gauntleted hand, and he flips up his visor.
And you see this guy is deathly built. He's a strong-looking older dude.
And he extends a hand, and he hand and he flips up his visor and you see this guy is definitely built he's a strong looking older dude and he extends ahead and he says oh sir sir sir orgerton sir orgerton uh pleasure to meet you uh you can just call me sir oh sir oh uh it's a pleasure to meet you i'm taking command of this whole situation and i'm seeing a lot of cultists outside here right now this is coach oh this is coach oh this is coach oh is Coach O. We met Coach O in Dungeons & Dragons.
Yeah, so Jake, ask a question, right? Seems like Spursor, Oregon. Yeah, what do you want? I mean, you're a journalist.
Come on. Yeah, so Coach O, coming off that big title.
Ask him a question about D&D, though. There's no time for that.
There's no time for my... I have an illustrious

career. I've done a great job

in all of my work, but this is right now.

And they've got

prisoners, and I know some information

about this cult. Alright, he's got a game plan.

Find out what his game plan is. Jake just tried to do a

talk about the game. Yeah, yeah.
Come on, Jake.

Let's reframe this.

This is a pre-game interview.

Let's find out what his tactics are for his plan of attack. Get some bulletin board material, Jake.
All right. What are your opponent's bigness weaknesses? Good, Jake.
He says, well, you got rid of the dragon. That was the number one thing.
I'm really glad you got rid of that dragon. I see it flying away.
Perfect. This is great.
And he gestures at his insignia, and you can tell it's some kind of a strange cat on his shoulder. Can't tell exactly what.
And he goes, go Ligers! Go Ligers! And you do know, you've heard of Ligers. They are magical beings in the world of D&D, kind of a cross between a tiger and a lion, you think? But they have magical powers.
And he is telling you that the weakness of this cult right now without their dragon their weakness would be the leadership if we can eliminate the leadership then this cult is not going to want to stick around in this village most of them are cowards just random cultists who probably are just being pushed into working here attacking this village and if we took we took out the high priestess, that would definitely get them to flee. Unfortunately, it looks like she's pretty well protected right now.
And as he's gesturing down and pointing out her defenses, he says, and I'm really worried about that one right there. And he points out to Ehrlich that there is one particular armored figure who has a helmet on, but the helmet is not human shaped.
It is not a human face hidden under that metal helmet. It is some kind of a snout, some kind of almost dragon-like face.
And they are almost as tall as Berserker Billy, but not quite as tall as Berserker Billy, but closer to his height than anyone else. So that is this big armored warrior who has a great sword on their back, and Sir Ogerton is pointing out this individual to Ehrlich.
Interesting. And in theory, Ehrlich, that was your move, perhaps.
You still have an action if you want to cast a spell or if you want to talk to Sir O some more or whatever you want to do here. I'm liking this Coach O vibe.
Okay. So let's continue with that.
Okay, so what are you going to do? You can roll another persuasion check if you want to interview him some more. Ask what else he might know.
Get some more questions out of him. But roll a D20 plus two.
See how you do on that. I rolled the 19.
Jake, let's go. Whoa.
That is a 21 total. You are absolutely going to get whatever other information out of him you want.
He is also going to say, you need my help in any way, just let me know. And he is going to be like listening to Ehrlich, which to fair, Ehrlich's a little known warlock.
This is a show of faith on Sir O's part. But if you need him to jump into combat at any point, he's got a big great sword of his own, and he could definitely do some damage and take some hits.
If you have questions for him or requests you want to make of him, he'll be listening to you right now. I'm thinking maybe we've got to figure out a way to attack this person that's protecting the priestess, right? So we've got to find out what that guy...
How do we win the game? Yeah, what's that guy's Achilles heel yeah yeah that one particular guy right what's her what's the best tactic to take this fella down absolutely he'll sir oh we'll know this he looks at that warrior and he says I recognize a champion when I see one that person wants to have a duel right now with somebody I see it in there and he kind of looks under the helmet a little bit i see it in their eyes this person there wants to have a duel with somebody and they are bound by their lawful nature that they won't break their word but then coach looks at you and says people's lives are on the line if you need to trick this person in some way, you should do it. Because they want to have a fight with someone that's like a fair fight.
And I don't think that's advisable. I think that we should hedge our bets a little bit if we can in some way.
So he's letting you know that we can probably trick this person very easily, this champion. Okay.
Okay. And that would be good information that you're getting erlic at this point wayne we'd be up to your turn and you can see that these prisoners are still getting pushed forward but just as your turn is starting i want to say that this champion this big armored figure steps forward and then removes his helmet it's obvious that his face is a blue dragon's face with a horn in the center of his forehead kind of like a rhino but with the horn pushed further up and he's got a mouthful of jagged white teeth and it looks like on the edge of his mouth there's a crackling of lightning a little bit as he coughs and he removes the helmet and and draws his greatsword and points it up at the walls and he says a duel a duel to whoever your greatest challenger that would face me is for the lives of these prisoners if you win they will be spared.
If I win, no more blood need be shed. You will give us your treasure.
You know what? I want to accept his challenge, but the obvious move is to send Big Cat. We don't want to lose my power.
We don't want to lose that because then we're stuck with Billy as a strong guy. He's considerably yeah, you're right, P.S.
I can take one for the team. No, no, no, no.
That would be very funny to have Hank come back into the office and he's dead. Dead, yeah.
But no, P.S.T., you're absolutely right. You don't want to show your best play on first down.
Our biggest play. Yeah, our biggest play.
We want to set it up. We want to set up the run here.
Right. So maybe we can either send our berserker in.
Nuh-uh. Just go one-on-one.
Or he said that he's liable to get tricked. So we can think of a way to trick him.
Can we all get on each other's shoulders and then put on a trench coat? And then say, yeah, we're the one that's going to fight you. It's me, us.
I will say that the spell disguise self might help you a lot there. I let you use it to make yourself look like the upper half of somebody.
Then Ehrlich could make, well, he's a gnome. He would go on top in theory.
He could use his disguise self spell to make himself look like the other half of somebody. And that would be even more effective than a big coat or something like that.
Okay, so it would just be myself and Ehrlich going at this guy. In theory, it would be the two of you looking twice as big.
Yeah, you can't combine Billy and Ehrlich? We'll just throw them in and you and I can survive? I'd let your illusions cover one extra person who's kind of in the middle, if that makes sense. Okay.
Let's just send Billy in. No, you're not sending me in.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, I'm on a dragon.
Wait, can I send my little guy in to just swoop down and castrate this guy? You said that he could go steal something that was under a kilo. I'd assume that the testicles on him would fall in that category.
Or you could, like, trip him and steal his pride. Yeah, I could.
But I'm more interested in the testicles. You want the testicles.
You want the nuts. Your unseen servant doesn't usually deal a lot of damage.
It would be less of a pull and more of a graze, unfortunately. I mean, that would be maybe worth something.
But tripping him would be highly effective, you think. To be fair, it would also be incredibly disturbing, the former option.
Should I trip him or should I just – Okay, yeah. I'm going to send my invisible servant in to trip him.
I want him to lay a banana peel down right as this guy's walking, and it'll be high comedy. Yes.
Love it. You find a fruit peel that's kind of lying in the courtyard.
You pick it up with it. You summon your unseen servant.
You whisper it commands. It flies off and we see a fruit peel get picked up and start drifting over the castle wall.
But the dragon-like creature that is marching forward, this gladiator, definitely doesn't notice a little floating fruit peel that kind of moves around it, then drops right in front of it. And this person is going to make a saving throw.
uh right as the high priestess was saying behold you face my champion lang de drosa and lang de drosa the gladiator starts to flex as he steps forward onto the banana peel and goes flying yes onto his back he failed his saving throw, and he splats on the ground. He starts to get up.
I'm going to roll one more

time. He slips a little bit, and then he tries a third time.
He falls flat on his chest now, and he has not gotten up the whole turn. The whole cult is looking like, oh, this does not look good right now.
All of their monstrous drakes start barking like they're like what are we doing here this guy looks like an idiot and uh the high priestess just glares at lang didrosa like we'll talk later and he's still trying to get up so he doesn't even look back at her he's just fumbling around well done uh uh wayne and that was your action and bonus action to command the unseen servant anything you wanted to do with a move you could move around or make a skill check to like talk to somebody here or look yeah whatever you want to do uh can i can i talk to billy the berserker and get him pumped up for the fight he's up on a dragon right now pretty far away from you oh yeah that's true what has billy been doing He's been gone for a while. I don't trust him.
We're about to find out he rolled last in initiative, so the tension's building. We have no idea what the dragon will do.
Okay. For my last move, I think I think I'd like to get on Ehrlich's shoulders just in case.
Great call. A preemptive move to get on Ehrlich.
In theory, I just want to highlight, you're a dwarf. You're a little bit bigger than the gnome.
Okay, yeah. Yeah, so he'll get on my shoulders.
Good point. He gets on your shoulders.
Love it. Absolutely.
And so you have Ehrlich hop onto your shoulders. That was a great move.
That'll bring us from Wayne's turn to the kobolds and the lizard-like creatures. We're starting to think that these are creatures called drakes based on what some of the guards are shouting here.
Like the drakes are getting closer. And you see two things happen.
You see kobolds start to march forward with drakes on leashes, on ropes around their neck. And it seems like some of them are marching towards the prisoners like like they're trying to threaten us, like we'll let go of these ropes and these drakes will eat these prisoners.
No problem. No questions asked.
And they're getting closer to the prisoners. But we also see one group of kobolds, three of them, holding onto a drake.
It climbs up to the castle wall and then jumps onto the castle wall and starts climbing up the wall and it has almost reached the top by the end of its turn and we see the three kobolds they just waited for it to start climbing the wall and held on and soon the drake was carrying them up off the ground so they're like repelling on drake back okay but you know that if anything happened to these this drake those kobolds would just fall right off the wall okay drake is climbing the wall right now okay so so it's my turn i'd like to know real quick who who are the drakes rooting for in this battle it seems like the drakes are like serving the kobolds and the human cult okay it seems like they're like animal intelligence second question what how old are all of us are we underageage or are we over, like, 18? The assumption is you're adults. You're adventurers, so unless you specify, I would assume you're adults and are of legal age.
Okay, so he's not attracted to us. Okay, so, alright, what should, should I kill these drakes? I have the reckless offense.
Yeah, just go, just go handle these drakes. Yeah, I wanna go, I wanna go fuck, I wanna fuck I want to Fuck some Drake's go meek mill on these Drake's yeah I'm gonna fuck him up Absolutely so you hear the champion Calling outside but you're not gonna Deal with him just yet you're running Over to the wall where the Drake is Climbing and as some guardsmen are Getting their weapons ready nervously You're like I got this the Drake's head Starts to emerge up to the wall and Then you can swing at it yeah Did you want to say you were going reckless attack? Yeah, I want to fuck all the Drakes up.
Absolutely. You can swing at this Drake with a D20 plus 5 on your attack, and you get to roll two times and take the higher number.
All right. 16.
There we go. 16 plus 5, 21.
Boom! Your axe is

smashing across

this Drake's face. I'm sorry.

Correction, greatsword. I've written down.
You have a

greatsword, and so you are

swinging this greatsword and

smashing the Drake right in the face.

I will roll your damage.

You got a total of 8

points of damage against this Drake.

You smash a bunch of

its teeth out. The Drake

keeps its grip

I'll see you right now, it is halfway dead for sure after eight points of damage okay that going for you and uh you had rolled your reckless with advantage and so that was your move getting over to the drake and you were already still raging from your last turn yes so that was a great turn and that would bring us to berserker billy now so berserker bill, we last saw you on a dragon's back. And this dragon had looked over onto its back to say, all right, rock man, let's talk.
And now she says to you, do you know who you face? I am Lennethon, called the Cyan Wrath. My teeth are steel.
my breath is thunder you who do you think you are so uh i heard i heard you're having trouble with your boss she says ah you know that yes this this high priestess speaks for tiamat and she thinks she can command me in tiamat's stead. I obey the goddess.
She must now understand. And she looks back at the castle where she sees the cultists.
The high priestess must understand that I do not serve her. I serve the goddess, but I am not at her beck and call.
And then she like huffs to herself and she's muttering to herself. And she does seem like she's, she's, that's all she's saying at the moment.
I'd say, Hey, you matter what you want to do matters. I think maybe we should maybe combine forces to defeat your boss and maybe you could help

me with my boss later.

You would get to roll a persuasion check right now on this dragon.

You already have a good friendship with this, a rapport, let's say. Oh, is Billy in the friend zone? You have a connection with this dragon.
Roll two times to be the higher number. Does the dragon look at Billy like a brother, like a little brother? A little bit, actually.
I like that analogy. A little like a lesser being that she's taking some mercy upon.
Billy's simping a dragon all right i'm rolling do you ever get to roll two times and take the higher number and you have a plus three on this so i have that i got a 14 on the first look into my billy 14 now we're going for a 20 okay this is your second critical hit in a row trying to talk to this dragon. She starts to say, you know, you're right.
I do matter. I'm a dragon.
In fact, I matter more than all of them. I matter more than all of them combined.
I am a superior being. They dare.
And she almost feels like so invigorated. And she's like, whoa, a little mortal being got me to feel this way.
And she looks back at you and you see her in her eye. She's focused on you.
She's impressed with you right now. Billy the Simp.
She says, what do you suggest, Rockman? And you see her turn her head back to this castle like, I'm all ears.

I might do whatever you suggest right now.

I'm saying that you, Dragoness, fine creature.

She says it's just Dragon.

It's just Dragon, no Dragoness.

Well, thank you, Dragon.

I would love to hop back on your back and maybe head back to the action and we can really tear it up and deal with your priestess. Absolutely.
She starts flapping back to the castle. You're still on her back.
She turns 180 in the air, slow arc, and starts flying back towards the castle. The cultists who are noticing are kind of like, good.
I think it's good. All right.
That's great. And as the dragon starts to get closer, she looks down and says, shall I, uh, shall I scare the high priestess? And it seems like that's where she's starting.
Do you suggest something more intense or something different? I would say throw a little scare to everybody on the battlefield, neither side, and maybe say, hey, you know what? Maybe we could end up ruling all of them. Ooh, Billy, you bad boy.
She is going to fly down and kind of buzz the line right between the castle and the siege line of cultists. And she breathes a bolt of lightning out of her mouth it is like a ghostbuster beam that kind of hits the ground and starts cutting along the ground and she brings it dangerously close to the castle letting one of the town guardsmen kind of go flying back a little almost he almost falls and stumbles back away from the wall but he's okay and then she cuts that lightning line into the cultist line just slightly, barbecuing a pair of kobolds and sending some human cultists flying back.
And then she shuts her mouth, and the lightning ends. She didn't hurt anybody.
And then she says to you, how do you like that? I said, that was amazing, babe. She said it was amazing.
I agree. Are you going to ask if it was good for her Philly dude how about her feelings do you want to do it again she says I'd love to do it again a little harder this time she's not satisfied yeah she recharges her breath weapon you see more lightning charge up in her mouth and she says where next with a critical hit I'll let you target one more time where where do you want her to shoot now shoot uh I would like I would like her to shoot all on the the hmm what do you want to shoot Billy I want your glasses on I wanted to where do you want her to finish blast uh right on the queen queen.
No. Should I do the queen? That's kind of hot.
Yeah. Blast the queen.
The high priestess? Yeah, the high priestess. We're sure we want to blast the high priestess and not her little defender guy.
Yeah, Drake. We got the Drake's in the world.
Kill the head, the body dies. That big guy is on the ground still from the banana peels.
Yeah, no. Kill the head, the body dies yeah but we've we've got so we all right hold on i feel like if we go after you want you do whatever you want but just to just to to reset we have the drakes on the ropes and the big guy the pft tripped on the ropes i think you guys have that okay all right deal i'm i me my dragon it's your it.
She doesn't belong to you, Billy. Go for it.
She has her own agency. She is an independent.
She's a strong woman. Strong dragon.
Woman dragon. She's defined by her dragonliness.
I'm saying that she's a wagon. She's a badass.
Yeah. Yeah.
Billy, also, how come you never hang out with the bros anymore? Mm-hmm. Spend all your time with this dragon.
Bro, you're kind of witch. Well, you know what? She understands me.
Yeah. You guys just bully me.
Anyway, tell me I'm not strong. You never go to the tavern.
Dump the dragon and rip some box with us. Flagons before dragons, bro.
Yeah. All right.
So he wants to do the dragon thing. I want to do full out attack on the priestess, me and the dragon, double team the priestess.
I want to use all my, all my roles, all my turns. I just want to go full send on, like send everything, my hammer toss thing.
Just let's get it. Absolutely.
I love that you said that because you still have your action. So as the dragon cruises in for her lightning breath, you still have your attack ready to go.
And she looks back at you as you suggest attacking the high priestess she looks at you and you're like uh-oh i went too far at first and then she pauses and says all right let's go she turns back like she's gunning for the priestess and then says hey remember that time you fired that guiding bolt at me time to put your time to uh direct it as a team. I want you to fire your guiding bolt at him first because that's going to make her lightning breath even better.
Let's go. So she gives you a chance to help her.
Roll a d20 plus four to see if you hit with this guiding bolt. Fire it from your hammer.
It's a laser blast sent by Kabaki, the Ram Lord. I got a seven.
A seven plus four. You are firing this beam at the High Priestess, and you don't know if an eleven is going to hit.
So would you invoke your guided strike plus 10 ability? You only get it once. Yes.
Before you rest and recharge it. I think now is the right time.
You add a plus 10 to your roll. And you see the beam firing.
And then it's going the wrong way. It's going a little to her left.
And then all of a sudden, a head forms on the end of the beam of ram horns and it reorients itself and you see her charging feet and boom it hits the high priestess and you get to deal 4d6 damage so i will roll that for you you have dealt two three five so far six and ten points of damage total to the high priestess oh yeah she gets zapped right in the shoulder you see her fall back oh with her shoulders smoking from the energy of that blast and she is not halfway dead just yet but then she looks up and she prepares to shake her fist at you she realizes that you are not alone that the dragon is about to breathe on her and she goes no and falls back in her chair the cultists are all dropping her chair and trying to run but it's too late because of the guided bolt she is glowing and the lightning breath of the dragon shoots out she rolls two times and takes the lower number and because of your guided bolt the dragon deals full lightning damage the high priest yes barbecued and incinerated before your very eyes you're fucking the high priestess's ashes and her chair the pieces of her chair just fall to the ground all those cultists also got incinerated

completely so they're all lying dead around her and that armored uh figure who's still trying to stand up looks over and then goes oh i'm assuming command here i'm assuming command here and he's trying to shout out like all the cultists are panicking and starting to run already he's trying to take control of them.

But Berserker Billy Lenathon is just,

ah, ha, ha, ha, ha.

She's laughing at everything that is happening around you. But that would bring us back to Ehrlich and Sir Ogerton at this point.
It seems like this blue dragon person, this Langdodrosa, who is still trying to pick themselves up off the ground, is trying to assume control of this army still. It's like a turtle that fell on his back trying to get up right now.
Basically right now. We gotta have a class, Jake.
Trying to stand up, not doing a great job, and he's having a tough time with that. Do you want to try to convince Coach O to go finish him off? Do whatever you want to do.
Whatever you want to do. Let's go for the kill shot.
Okay. Go, Lagos.
So are you having Coach O step out to be the challenger for Lang DeDrosa? Yes. Probably be a good dispute.
So it's Billy versus Coach O? No, it's Coach O versus this guy that slipped on the banana peel. Oh, okay, okay.
And at this point, it's totally up to us whether we still want to pretend to even doing a duel. We know if we take out this Lang de Drosa, the army has no leadership left.
They're going to be just wanting to flee from out of here, and we could all gang up on Lang de Drosa at this point. I feel like we might as well send more than one person at him, right? Jake? Yeah.
Coach O says he's in. For sure.
Let's do it. In that case, I'll let Ehrlich roll for Coach O.
Coach O would have a plus seven on his attack roll. He's got a big bonus.
So you can go ahead and roll a D20 plus seven for coach 17 there we go 17 plus 522 coach oh uh charges out and you're gonna you're gonna get a charger now and he deals a total of uh 10 points of damage to lang didrosa lang didrosa gets a slash across the shoulder he is still trying to stand up off the ground, but he is not bloodied. He is not halfway dead yet, even after 10 points of damage.
And that was Coach O. Ehrlich, what would you like to do? You sent Coach O out to fight Lord Sir O, and you could do an attack as well.
If you wanted to launch an Eldritch Blast at this guy, that would be a D20 plus five, That's one of your best attacks. I would love to try that.
Absolutely. Roll a d20 plus 5.
See if your Eldritch Blast is hitting. 15.
Okay. 15 plus 5, a 20.
You absolutely hit Lang de Drosa for a total of another exactly 10 points of damage. And at 20 damage, Langdodrosa is badly injured.

They are more than halfway down.

Ehrlich, that was your turn.

We know that Langdodrosa is about to go right after Wayne's turn.

So Wayne, if you can do something to eliminate Langdodrosa, great. Otherwise, they are going to get a chance to stand up and start fighting Sir O.
What are you going to do right now? I think what I'd like to do, I'd like to get the whole squad hyped up here. So, can I play Sandstorm? Yes.
Absolutely. You start to play, and who do you want to give inspiration to with that?

You get to pick one person, and they get extra inspiration.

I think I got to go with Big Cat.

I got to go with the Goliath.

Let's go.

The big guy.

Let's go.

Love it.

Actually, can you play Who Let the Dogs Out?

Who let the dogs out?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who let the dogs out?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who?

Who? Thank you. Who, who, who, who, who let the dogs out? Who, who, who, who, who? Everybody wants something.
All of the town guards on the wall start cheering along with that call. And now Norm and Ehrlich both have bardic inspiration at this point that they can call upon to pump up one of their D20 rolls by a little bit.
We haven't needed it yet, but I'll let you know if it comes in handy. It gives you a little bit of a boost.
Okay. And you inspire people.
Anything else you want to do on your turn? You can inspire somebody else or you can do a spell at this point. I'd like to cast a spell because I feel like this Langadrosa guy has a mental beta.
Like he just has no brain basically. He's just a muscle-bound freak.
So I'd like to cast a spell on him that turns his brain smaller. Can I shrink his brain? Let's see.
I think you have the charm. I'm checking you got a charm person spell.
Well, okay. I know exactly what you're...
Hideous laughter. If you cast that on him, he would stop being able to do anything but laughing.
He would fall to the ground, drop drop all his weapons and just be hysterically laughing on the ground like joker yeah you're shrinking brains okay that's that is close to brain dead as you can get i like i like that joseph kennedy over here can we just say that for the the purposes of this role i'm having my assistant go over and blow a shitload of smoke into his ear. Like, get him so high that he just keeps laughing.
I love that. Your unseen servant flies over and then just, like, hotboxes his brain, basically.
It just blows all the smoke straight into his brain, and he's just foggy. He's not so much laughing as all of a sudden Lang DeDros is like sir oh, you think you dare face me and I should, I will, what was I who's the, what the where's the, uh, uh and he's just looking around and then he looks at his weapon and just goes, what's the what's the, and he opens up his hands, the weapon falls out of his hands and he starts to look at his fingers he He's tripping balls.
Whoa. He's trying to eat that fucking fake chili you made.
Pretty cool. And he's looking up at Coach O like, this is pretty cool.
And he's having a good time, but doesn't realize he's in combat anymore. Well done, Wayne.
That brings us to Langdidros' turn. Langdidros spends his whole turn just looking at his fingers..
At the end of his turn, he gets a saving throw to try to break free. So let's see if he's still – A cup of coffee.
He is still just looking at his fingers and kind of giggling to himself. And that is the end of Langdidrosa's turn.
Norm, that would bring us to you. What would you like to do? What do you guys want me to do? Should I just finish off Langdidrosrossa? Smash him.
Yeah. If you were to charge at Lang de Drossa and attack him right now, you would get advantage because he is just laughing and looking at his fingers right now.
And if you went reckless, you would get another advantage. So I would give you three D20 rolls.
Okay, Billy, stop. All right, Billy's getting reckless.
All right, and he's hyped up too, right? Yeah, yeah, so let me just finish him off. I want to finish him off.
You can roll 3d20s and take the highest number if you go reckless. And there's no reason not to because next turn he's not fighting anybody.
Yep, all right, here we go. 17.
Pretty good. 12.
All right. 1.
17. So we're going to use the 17 with a plus 5, 22.
You charge out with your greatsword, and you drive it into Langdodrosa's shoulder. You are dealing max damage.
Yes! That is going to be 13. Ooh, no, that's 15 damage in all,

plus the 20 damage Langdodrosa already had.

How do you want to kill Langdodrosa?

You're driving the sword into his shoulder.

You pull it out, and what's the finishing blow?

I want to make him fucking suffer.

So I want to just slowly...

I want to slice his neck and let him bleed out.

You just grab his head, slice his neck with your greatsword, like one-handed, and his head is now in your grip. His body falls to the ground.
Do you hold it up so that the army can see the head of Lang de Drosa? Yeah, can I throw it at one of the Drakes? Absolutely. Do you want to throw it at the one who's climbing

the wall? Yes. Absolutely.

Make an athletics check. You get to roll two times

because you're raging and you throw

the head up at that Drake.

I'm going to kill that points out of it.

That's good. 12.

12 is the higher of the two.

Plus 5 is a 17.

That's a hit against the Drake.

And as long as it fails this, which

he got a 1 on.

The Drake looks, and you see the Drake is like

Thank you. plus five is a 17.
That's a hit against the Drake. And as long as it fails this, which he got a one on the Drake looks and you see the Drake is like seeing the head coming out of like, no, no, it can't be.
It can't be. The Kobolds like move, move.
And then bonk. It hits the Drake, the Drake, let's go and falls onto the three Kobolds crushing them.
The army sees this. They throw their weapons up in in the air some of them and start panicking and trying to run away from the village and it looks like they are fleeing into the wilderness trying to get away from all of us sir oh let's out a cheer and the town guardsmen all cheer and the villagers all start celebrating and as the cult flees they rush up and start thanking us profusely and it looks like by all accounts we've saved the village of greenest everybody thanks for coming out what a fucking job isn't it still my turn oh you're still fucking the dragon, that was teamwork makes the dream work.
No, no, no. We're not done here.
Fuck these people up. Do we own this town now? Yeah, can we build some shit? No, no, no.
You don't own anything yet. I'd love to build like a tree house.
So actually, yeah, to find out what happens next, the last, you know, in theory, at the end of initiative, turn still has to go. Berserker Billy, the cult is fleeing, and then Lenathon, the dragon, looks back at you and says, ha ha ha, this was fun.
What should we do next? And she's willing to hear you out on whatever you suggest next. Why don't we just build a town into the sickest play place ever.
We can build a medieval Dave and Buster's with arrows and shit. So, who wants to live here? What are you threatening us? Yeah, I'm fucking threatening you.
I got a dragon. Fuck you, Billy.
No, no. Who are you to threaten us? It's my fucking castle.
I say, I would like to ask the dragon, yo, do you want to just take over this castle and torture my boss? God damn it, Billy. Go ahead and roll a persuasion check.
You're rolling two times and taking the higher number you have advantage Three strong now go ahead. Oh, bitch One seven seven go ahead.
No, basically the same thing as one you the next one here comes a, boys. Did a critical hit?

Yeah, 19.

19. 19 plus three, still great.
A 22 with a 22. The dragon says, well, a village like this I normally wouldn't bother with.
We were only here because the cultists wanted to squeeze out every copper coin they could get to build the horde of Tiamat. And then she says it very casually so that we can bring Tiamat to this world.
But I wouldn't normally have ever attacked a village like this. And frankly, the idea of ruling over a village like this, you know what? It would be boring, but it might be fun and it would be easy, very easy.
Billy's trying to make his girlfriend settle. No, no.
She's going to get bored. Billy, I don't really care about this city.
Billy's ashamed that his girlfriend makes more money than him and he's trying to keep her quiet. Dude, you better kill us.
You better kill us because you've gone. I just want to enslave Norm the human because humans aren't nice to dragons or goliaths.
Okay. No.
Humans hate magical creatures. I hate you.
No, yeah. You better...
Billy, you better kill us. I have the power here.
I am the captain. For right now.
You come at the king, you best admit. No, no, i know i have the power billy this is the

magical world i have the power yeah i know who's on the dragon you better kill all three of us because otherwise you're fucked also wait billy what you have to understand is this dragon right now it doesn't give a shit about your small little games this dragon's gonna leave your ass go ahead billy do your thing go go with your girlfriend and destroy what we've built together No, no, no.

This one was set.

You better kill all of us.

Uh-huh.

Dragon.

So I helped you.

I'd like to play Tears in Heaven while Billy's about to prepare his attack. Billy, this is the dumbest attack ever.
Go ahead, Billy. No, this is what I'm going to say.
Nope, you did it. Dragon, I helped you defeat your boss.
Could you please help me enslave my boss and make me his boss? Not to do a spoiler, but you're Matthew Bevilacqua

fucking holding up the poker game

in Sopranos. You're going to die.

We're going to torture you.

Do you have any idea what you're doing right now, Bill?

I just want to show Norm the Barbarian

whose boss.

No, no, no.

He wants to attack me. Say it with your chest.

If you want to kill me, kill me.

If I kill him, are you going to kill me?

Absolutely. You're all against me? No I just want to take him out No Billy we're all together No no he's been talking shit The whole game We just did something awesome And then you just went No no no I did something awesome Go ahead Do your thing You guys got a dude high Billy you sound like you're nervous Because you're talking about it a lot Instead of doing it I did this You guys were Hey pussy Why don't you do it Okay Do it You won won't.
You won't, bitch. I want to blast Norm the Barbarian.
Great. You won't.
You want to blast Norm the Barbarian with lightning? I want to just send everything at him. Everything.
The whole kitchen sink. Dang.
He did recharge your breath weapon. Yes.
I tried to help. Let's slam his ass.
You could. She says, all right.
That barbarian there, you want me to breathe lightning on him? And I want to send my hammer too. And Theria, yeah, I guess.
Well, yeah, you could do one more guiding bolt. Can I just point something out? It sounds like you're trying to kill him, not enslave him.
No, no. I just want to show him I'm stronger.
I hope you kill me in this turn because then we have three turns before your turn comes. Go ahead.
No, but if you don't get a turn, if you're dead. I hope you kill me.
Light you up. I hope you kill me.
All right, here we go. Lenithon the dragon with your 22 is going to say one thing.
She's going to suggest I have other means of dominating my enemies and putting them in their place other than killing them. I'll tell you what she's suggesting.
She seems to be suggesting that she has a fear aura that if she invokes, he'll have to make a saving throw. And if he fails a saving throw, then he is by default kind of afraid of this dragon and not able to charge towards towards it it's like the dragon lets out a roar and then whoever is afraid of this dragon is kind of like not able to move closer to you and gets disadvantage on attack rolls so there's a mechanical penalty that you're kind of putting on them all right and she's suggesting that instead of breathing lightning and you can do whichever when you want billy't understand what you just said you might have to re-explain that to Billy use a lot of three syllable words do the original plan I want to make pal Norm the barbarian know I'm the strongest in the land if that's the way you're phrasing it then she will fly onto the castle wall right up to Norm so Norm's on well no norm's on the ground she lands on the ground the cultists are fleeing and she lands on the ground around the dead body of lang didrosa and then she looks down at the dead body of lang didrosa and frowns a little bit and says looks at norm and says you killed my idiot son.
I don't really care. Fail son.
But I suggest you back down. And she flexes her wings and lets out a roar into the sky.
Norm, roll a d20 plus your wisdom saving throw. This represents your ability to kind of discipline yourself and hold on to your courage.

But you have on this a plus one, and

I'm going to give you advantage on this.

You're a barbarian who's raging. I like the idea

that you get advantage. 16!

Very nice throw, Big Cat. Nice job, Norm.

Roll one more time. You get

two rolls on this that you can take the higher number.

17!

17! And 17 plus one. 18 is enough.
And with an 18, you are not afraid of this dragon. The dragon roars and you just get the hot breath of this dragon on you.
And you're just shaking your head like, nope. So when are we going to start attacking him? Now the the dragon just did the fear aura and is like, mmm, and looks at Norm, and he doesn't seem intimidated.
And she goes, I thought that would work to you. What do you suggest now? Do you want to launch your spell at Norm? Do you want to have her breathe her lightning on Norm? Sounds like you're second guessing yourself now, Billy.
Now, to be fair, I got to be honest. Since she just used the fear aura, that strategy means that she didn't get to use her breath weapon.
She could use her claws and her bite against Norm still. But since you used her fear aura, that she was hoping would work and get the point across, and it didn't.
So now she's like, ugh, my breath weapon i got to do next turn right now i

could claw and bite or you could do something if you want to attack norm but also she's like kind of looking like do you want to attack this guy uh can you are there any other options oh you talked yourself out of it billy what you don't understand is that you're already dead It's done.

Try your heart.

You're already fucking dead, Billy.

No matter what you do, no matter what amends you try to make, you're fucking dead. Okay, okay.
We're going to attack him with everything. I want to use all my powers and special things.
And then she uses her claws, her teeth, you know, like really get in there. All the stuff drags you have.
Keep talking. Tail, whipping, fustera.
The last words you'll ever say. Okay.
I think this is it for me. All right.
Let's go. The proper order to do things is you fire your guiding bolt first, roll a d20 plus four, and we'll see if you hit norm.
I really got to check your stats now because I want to be fair about this. You got to get a 14 or higher.
You have a plus four. He had a seven.
Not great. Not great, Jim.
Unfortunately, Guiding Bolt, you haven't hit with it yet. That first attack is not with advantage.
And you've already used your Guiding Bolt. I have two.
I have two. I have two.
You have two of the ones where if you swing your hammer, you can swing it again a second time. But you only have one thing.
You have a plus 10 on your attack roll. That's one.
You already used that one. Can I fly away? Can I fly away? The guiding bolt doesn't hit.
She still will get to fly away. But you can still do her dragon attacks no i just want to i

just want to take my woman and leave dragon absolutely then in that case she is gonna you're gonna be like let's let's get out of here actually and she goes uh and she kind of looks at you actually do one roll on this one roll because she's like oh you're you're backing off now with a little human barbarian.

You're not that tough.

Roll one perspasion check.

You're getting dumped and killed in the same day oh come on billy roll go ahead billy roll one persuasion check you have a plus three just get better than like a i really want to turn or higher my priesthood come and can i like summon a god to help me right now how many turns more and more of your god's power but all you can do right now is get a plus 10 on your attack roll once per day and uh invoke other healing magic and stuff like that all right i'm rolling all right so this will be a persuasion check, 20, 20. She looks back at you and says, you know what? Good move.
We're done with this village, right? Okay. And she seems to be thinking that you're doing this for a brave reason.
And so she says, all right, where should we go? And she starts to take off. But as you're making a suggestion, she starts to take off.
Norm, you were right were right next to her and so was sir ogerton so you could roll an attack against this dragon if you want to hit this dragon interesting can i can i roll anything to just have the dragon leave and billy stay so like the dragon buck billy off i will let you i don't care about the dragon i don't give a about the dragon. Dragon got messed up with the wrong people.
What if we just attracted the dragon somehow and had the dragon date all three of us and Billy had to watch? No, no, no, no, no, no. I rolled a 20.
I rolled a 20. That was persuasion.
I let you make one jump to try to grab Berserker Billy off the dragon's back. This would normally be with disadvantage because of how high up he is, but, and the dragon helping, but since you are raging, you have advantage, they cancel each other out.
It's just one roll. And before you do that roll, Berserker Billy, you get to oppose it.
So you do your own roll to see what number Norm needs to get to knock you off the dragon do a d20 roll and you get to add let's see it's a for you plus four you get to add a plus four to this with your athletics and then norm you know that's a two is it is it too good tim it's too two you want to get high right not low not low? Not great. Two's not great.

All right, so this is actually, so wait, let's just set the stage. This is actually going to be a perfect place to end today.
So Billy tried to kill us all. Tried to kill you too, Hank.
He tried to kill all of us. I only tried to kill you.
As a teamwork, we took over the entire village. We slayed everyone, and then Billy helped 0%.
What? Tried to fuck a dragon and then was like, let me kill everyone. He let a dragon come in between us and our friendship with him.
Yes, right. I killed the priestess.
And immediately Billy tried to kill Big Cat. Yes, yes.
So Billy now is trying. He tried to kill me.
He wasn't able to. He wasn't able to scare me.
Now he's trying to leave. So we're going to end with my roll.
I either am going to grab Billy and pull him off the dragon.

Correct, Tim?

Yes.

Or they will fly away and we will figure out what we'll do to Billy afterwards.

Okay.

100%.

Yes.

All I need is what?

You need, it sounds like with a two that Berserker Billy rolled.

He had a plus four on this.

So what you need is a sixth or higher.

And you have a plus five on this. So I need a one? I think you got this one big cat.
So here's the thing. I'll be very clear about this.
Something crazy always happens if you get a one. So if you get a one you still grab Berserker Billy but the dragon takes off with both of you.
Oh wait. Because of that bad roll one way or another Berser Billy, you were hanging a little low on this dragon.
Okay, all right. All right, so here we go.
It's a bad roll, Billy. You blew it.
It's a bad roll, Billy. You blew it.
What happens on a two? Here comes the roll, Billy. You die on a two.
Eighteen. I think that's enough.
I think he jumps too far. You jump up.
You are, since you rolled well, getting exactly where you want to get to, and you are grabbing Berserker Billy and tackling him off the dragon's back. The dragon takes off, looks down at you, and I will give one roll, then looks at you, Berserker Billy, and just shakes her head and stops her head to the south where the cultists seem to be fleeing towards.
And all of the army with the dragon seems to be flying to the south. But you do see, to be fair, for all your critical hits, the dragon look back once at you looking sad.
And then again, like, I shouldn't have done that. I feel bad.
Nah, forget it. And then she keeps flying, but she did have reservations.
Okay. She's going to go have brunch with her dragon friend, Saban, and be like, you'll never believe the worst date I just had.
That's perfect. Come back for me.
Perfect ending. So we're going to pick it up in two weeks, and Billy is now captured, and we have all three of our turns in a row before Billy gets to go again.
And I think we've got like three – or we've got Bob Costa still that we can use to torture him. Yes, we're going to torture the fuck out of you.
Yes. I'll be clear that if we want to have a backup character for if something happens to Berserker Billy and he becomes unplayable, just let me know what character you want to have.
Our darling. It will be Jake.
If we kill Billy, Jake will step in as the force. Is there a scribe character, like somebody who's almost like a journalist? There would be a wizard might be considered like a journalist.
Our darling. Yeah, so get the wizard ready just in case we decide to kill Billy.
When I say just in case, we are 100% going to kill Billy next time. I will have the wizard on hand and ready to go if and when we need a new character, for sure.
All right, awesome. Thank you so much, Tim.
We'll see you in a couple weeks. Have a great 4th of July.
Thank you all. Absolutely.
And same to you. And I do just also want to say thank you to Ethan Matthews,

your listener who let me know about a little bit of the culture of

some of the information to insert coach Overton.

I wanted to thank him for making it.

That was great.

Shout out to Ethan.

That was awesome.

When we realized it was coach.

Yeah.

Thank you so much,

Tim.

Thanks so much.

Appreciate it. thank you so much Tim appreciate it We'll be right back.
Say it anyway. Today is on our day to find you.
Shining.

I'll be coming for your love again.

Shining.

I'll be coming for your love again.

Needless to say.

I've got to stand here.

It's about to be so lovely.

So I learned my life is okay.

Say after me.

Place the bed to be safe and sound it.

Say after me. Place the bed to be safe and sound it.
Say after me. See you next week.
Take me out Yeah, is it lifeable? Just play my word easily. You are the things I've got to remember.

Shine away.

I'll be coming to you in many light.

Shine away.

I'll be coming to you in many light.

Take on me.

Take on me.

Take on me.

Take on me.

Take on me. Take on me.
Drink on me.

Drink on me.