Eric Andre, Jay Cutler, Fyre Fest Of The Week, And Magnetic The Documentary

Speaker 1 Hey, pardon my take, listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
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Speaker 1 On today's part of my take, we have comedian Eric Andre, always funny Eric Andre. He's got a new Netflix special out called Legalize Everything.

Speaker 1 We also have our good friend Jay Cutler on the show to talk about the chicken massacre that has captivated the nation in his backyard. We get to the bottom of that.
We have Fire Fest of the week.

Speaker 1 What's going to happen with sports we don't know? A shoe roast of a stadium, the first ever, and just some Friday vibes. Let's just have some good times.
Let's kick back. Let's enjoy ourselves.

Speaker 1 Let's enjoy good company.

Speaker 4 When cool, creamy ranch meets tangy, bold buffalo, the whole is greater than the sum of its sauce. Say howdy, partner, to new Buffalo Ranch Sauce only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's go.

Speaker 1 No place to hang out or washing.

Speaker 1 And then I can't blame all of the songs. Oh, no.
We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue.

Speaker 1 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue.

Speaker 1 And then we're like bar.

Speaker 7 Welcome to part of my take presented by the Cash App.

Speaker 1 Go download it right now. Use code Barstool.
You get $10 for free, $10 to the ASPCA. Today is Friday, June 26th.

Speaker 1 Friday, boys. We're still here.
We're still.

Speaker 1 We're not leaving. You can't beat me.

Speaker 7 You can't beat me, Virus.

Speaker 1 We're not leaving. We're still here.

Speaker 7 There's no sports, and we're sticking it out.

Speaker 1 And it's not going to happen, but that's okay. You know, everyone's, you know, Brooks Kepka's, Caddy got

Speaker 1 COVID. Golfers are getting COVID.
Basketball players.

Speaker 1 Baseball players. Just back of the week.

Speaker 7 Jay Color's chickens' heads are falling off. Yeah, this is everything's going wrong.

Speaker 1 Things are happening.

Speaker 7 We're still here.

Speaker 1 We're still here. We're still enjoying our company together.
This is just a word salad. Our life, just being here.

Speaker 7 Just dominating.

Speaker 1 Doing things. Just being legends.

Speaker 7 This is going full send at my desk.

Speaker 1 We're just being legends right now. Here's, you know what, I'll start here.
I have an idea. Has anyone, this is not even a drunk or high idea.
It was just an idea.

Speaker 1 One of those.

Speaker 1 One of those regular ideas.

Speaker 7 An over idea is actually more of a drunk idea than a drunk idea is.

Speaker 1 People love lists, right? Fact. Fact.
People love debating lists. We got mad at a list on Wednesday.

Speaker 1 Now, this is probably stupid because I'm probably going to give it away, but I think Jake Marsh is good enough that maybe he and Billy not really helping can do this, or maybe an AWL can do it.

Speaker 1 Has anyone done a list of ranking all of the office intros?

Speaker 7 Do you mean the cold opens? Yes. All right, number one is, I think, the fire that Dwight starts.

Speaker 1 Fire.

Speaker 1 Now I don't really even know. Now I'm on the spot of my own.
The bat's pretty Kevin's chili. Kevin's Chili's number one.

Speaker 7 Kevin dropped chili. I agree with the fire one.

Speaker 8 The fire one.

Speaker 8 That was after a Super Bowl too, if I remember correctly.

Speaker 1 Yeah, original.

Speaker 7 Michael hits Meredith with his car.

Speaker 1 Stanley push-ups I saw the other night, which is very funny when Michael says, if anyone can do 25 push-ups, you can leave work right now.

Speaker 1 And it takes Stanley like an hour, but he slowly does it, and everyone's like clapping for him.

Speaker 1 But we should do that. right?

Speaker 7 I have no problem doing that.

Speaker 1 I think that's something that hasn't been done that like they're all so funny, and we put them all together.

Speaker 1 You watch The Office? Put one in the ear of the film. No, Jake doesn't watch The Office.

Speaker 7 Whoever at Netflix is in charge of making the volume on The Office intro song so much higher than the rest of the show. Impossible to fall asleep.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes.

Speaker 7 I actually had a list I started to create in my head the other day. This is actually sports related.

Speaker 7 Now that baseball looks like it's finally coming back, we need to get out ahead of it and say which teams will have the asterisks next to it if they win this World Series. Right.

Speaker 7 So like Nats, no asterisks. We'll just say Nats, Cubs, Red Sox, those are legit championships.

Speaker 7 Mets,

Speaker 7 huge, huge asterisk.

Speaker 1 Four?

Speaker 7 Four asterisks.

Speaker 1 For what?

Speaker 7 If they win the World Series.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, just in general? Yeah.

Speaker 7 Well, unless E-Rod buys them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's no asterisks.

Speaker 7 I'm waffling on that.

Speaker 1 No asterisk yet.

Speaker 1 I would throw an asterisk on like, I would say any random team. Like the Rays.
The Rays Rays win it, fuck it.

Speaker 7 That's an astrologer. This would be the most Marlins World Series ever to win.

Speaker 1 Also, what about the Indians? The Indians have the longest World Series drought now. Do you even want to win the World Series in a 60-game series if you're the Indians?

Speaker 8 And also, what you said when they were in it a few years ago, like if the Indians are in it this year, that's going to be bad news for them.

Speaker 1 Right. Yes.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Absolutely.

Speaker 1 That's absolutely true. But

Speaker 1 thinking about it, It would feel I was just thinking about this for the Browns, too.

Speaker 1 Like, if there's no fans in the stadium for the entire NFL season and the Browns win the Super Bowl, of course, as a Browns fan, you're going to take it no matter what.

Speaker 1 But still, you know, people will be like, well, they didn't have to play in front of any road games. Yeah.

Speaker 7 And if you just want to favor the Chargers big time because all their home games will be less of road games than they were before.

Speaker 1 By the way, we never even talked about the fact that Hard Knox is Chargers Rams.

Speaker 2 That's so stupid.

Speaker 7 Well, yeah, because they don't want to travel. Well, and also

Speaker 1 drone shots of the fucking stadium. They should.
Wait, you know what? All Hard Knocks shots of the stadium whenever Rich Eisen flies flies in out of LAX.

Speaker 7 All of hard knocks this year should just be via Andrew Ceciliano putting his iPhone up to the window in a 737 and just videotaping the construction as it goes over.

Speaker 1 It's just going to be a constant, I wish Phil Rivers was in this. Yep.
God damn. Yeah, I like it.
How dare you do this? You know it'd be great, Phil Rivers.

Speaker 7 How dare you do this to us once Blake Bordles and Philip Rivers leave town?

Speaker 1 Resigned Blake. All right, so who else on the list?

Speaker 7 I say that if the Dodgers win and Clayton Kershaw discovers himself in the playoffs, it it doesn't count. Yep.
He's still playoffs. Yep, playoffs.

Speaker 1 Rockies.

Speaker 7 Rockies, yes, big ass.

Speaker 1 Because if you put it over a long season, they probably, their pitchers would have gotten shelled more, whatever. I don't know.
I don't.

Speaker 7 I don't want to say that the Cardinals should have an asterisk, but I do want to say that if you're truly the best fans in baseball, you will agree that they should have an asterisk in the season.

Speaker 7 So that's on you to self-police on that, St. Louis.

Speaker 7 The Brewers?

Speaker 1 Yes, I'll give you asterisks. Yes,

Speaker 1 Cardinals. It's a butthole.
Cardinals, that's just a personal asterisk.

Speaker 7 Yankees get one pinstripe. You get to award pinstripes to one player if you win this match.
No, they get to.

Speaker 1 The Yankee fans can say 27 and a half rings. Okay.
They can't say 28.

Speaker 7 26, 27 and a cock ring.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they can't do it. They can't go all the way.
I'm also nervous about the NBA, by the way.

Speaker 1 Feels like everyone's getting coronavirus there.

Speaker 7 The Orioles count.

Speaker 8 Jarre Smith is back, though.

Speaker 1 Jericho Smith is back. Yes.

Speaker 7 The Orioles, I'm going to say that they count because I will count that as a title for D.C., Title Town.

Speaker 1 Okay, there you go, even though it's a totally different city, Titletown, right?

Speaker 7 Towns,

Speaker 7 Title,

Speaker 1 Metro.

Speaker 1 They're pretty close.

Speaker 7 Yeah, if they grease up the light poles, and as long as nobody climbs up a light pole in Philly, I'll give it to you.

Speaker 1 Did you guys see Magic Johnson's back? By the way, go download Rob Lowe's new podcast. You said we'd help out a friend.
So he had Chris Pratt. I think he taped Magic Johnson.

Speaker 1 That will be coming up soon.

Speaker 7 How great would it be if the Blue Jays won the World Series and and then they lost the Stanley Cup again?

Speaker 7 We should make them count this World Series as just rubbing salt in the wound of not succeeding at your primary sports. Yes.

Speaker 1 So I don't know what else we got. I mean, the only other news I saw was Ted Ginn said that Mitch Trubisky is going to be the starter for the Bears in 2020, which did a double like, oh, no.

Speaker 1 And also on the Bears? Yeah, that was the other, like, oh, I forgot Ted Ginn was on the Bears.

Speaker 1 They signed Ted Ginnon and Jimmy Graham because Ryan Pace looked at like 2013 and was like, if we could get this out of these guys, we'll be unbelievable.

Speaker 7 Actually, Ted Ginn is one of those guys, when the draft came around, everybody was like, what are the Dolphins doing? And it turns out he's had a pretty long, solid career.

Speaker 1 No, he's fine. Yeah, he just, he, he

Speaker 1 loves the sidelines.

Speaker 7 Ted Ginn. He loves running out of bounds so much.
You should have actually signed him a few years ago and put him in a running back. Yes.
So that he didn't stay in bounds and get tackled.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Marion Barber game, Teebo Mania. Ted Ginn actually

Speaker 1 is a victim of his own success. Like, the reason why he drops open passes is he's so fast he gets open.
True. And we get a little slower, dude.

Speaker 7 Because he's just been around for forever.

Speaker 1 Right, right.

Speaker 1 Anything else? Billy? Billy shaved. He looks like he's fucking 12 years old now.

Speaker 9 I looked like 45 before. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You just decided to shave it all off and go back to...

Speaker 9 The barber shop opened. I wasn't going to have someone else cut my hair.

Speaker 9 Like, who wasn't a professional?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 7 Wait, you've been getting professionals cutting your hair all the time?

Speaker 9 Barbers are professionals.

Speaker 7 True. I just thought it was you.

Speaker 1 You're a professional.

Speaker 1 True, yeah.

Speaker 7 Everyone's a professional at something.

Speaker 1 Big Ben Billy's mine masturbating.

Speaker 9 Could I be a professional bodyguard of you guys?

Speaker 7 He's retired from masturbating. Big Ben hasn't jacked off in years.

Speaker 1 What do you guys...

Speaker 1 We do our Pittsburgh radio. We switch off weeks, PFT and I, with our friends at DVE.
They asked me this morning, how much do you think, like, do you think Big Ben understands what addiction means?

Speaker 1 Because it's very hard to believe that a quarterback could be addicted to porn and like still be a good quarterback. Do you think Big Ben is like, I was addicted to porn.

Speaker 1 I jerked off three times a week? Yeah, I think. And then we all now have to say that we're addicted to porn.

Speaker 7 Yeah, I think it's kind of like

Speaker 7 we said on Wednesday's show, which is

Speaker 7 you're not really an addict if you say that you're a former addict. Real addicts understand that if you're an addict, you're an addict for life.

Speaker 7 It's just something that you manage and that you try not to relapse on. Correct.
But it's always going to be in there.

Speaker 7 With Big Ben, yeah, he strikes me as a guy because he was speaking at How to Be a Better Man Summit. It was like a giant youth group for grown-ups, essentially,

Speaker 7 that he was talking to.

Speaker 1 So great keynote speaker for that one.

Speaker 7 It was called Man Up, I think.

Speaker 1 Oh, well, actually, that works.

Speaker 7 Yeah, so Big Ben was saying, like, drawing back to his past experiences, how he's improved as a person.

Speaker 7 That's like, you knew a kid back in elementary school or middle school that was like, oh, I'm born again. I decided to become a born-again Christian.

Speaker 7 You're like, dude, dude, what are you talking about born again? Like, we play on the same little league team. You chew bubblegum, you eat ice cream, and you go home.
That's it. Right.
And

Speaker 7 they were like, well, I was cussing a lot. And so I had to ask Jesus for forgiveness.
And so I think Big Ben is just trying to reach out and be like,

Speaker 7 I've overcome my demons of looking at porn hub twice a week.

Speaker 1 He basically, his diet starts Monday. Not watching porn starts Monday.
And then when you start it new, you're like, I don't do that stuff anymore.

Speaker 7 Big Ben is the youth pastor that sits down. He turns his motorcycle backwards and sits down on it.

Speaker 7 And he's like, hey, guys, just let me rap at you real quick about the evils of smashing that like on live Jasmine cams.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. Big Ben, I would love to see.
Big Ben is definitely a fucking fat titty fat ass kind of guy. He's strong.
When it comes to the porn he watches. You know that.

Speaker 1 You know, he's gotten like the, if it leaked what he was searching, it would be like juicy 36 quadruple D's fat ass, like the James Brown tweet. You think I'm going to look up right now?

Speaker 1 You think James Brown tweet was the fucking funniest tweet ever?

Speaker 7 I don't think it'd be like the James Brown tweet because that involved a personal trainer and working out. I think Big Ben is just strictly BBW.

Speaker 1 Sexy little brunette bitch sucking and fucking her personal trainer's big cock.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 7 That would remind him too much of a James Harrison video that didn't make the cut.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 7 I bet you Big Ben does the thing that you see sometimes in porn where the guy finishes where he jerks off with like two fingers and his thumb, and that's it.

Speaker 1 That's oddly specific. Yeah, it freaks me out every time I've seen it.
That's way too fast.

Speaker 7 It's like, what are you doing?

Speaker 1 All right, let's get to

Speaker 1 some Firefest, and then we were going to get to Eric Andre. Billy's got a smile on his face like he's got something big brewing for Firefest.

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Speaker 1 Uh, Fire Fest of the Week, do we want to risk it and start with Billy?

Speaker 7 No risk it, no biscuit. Billy football, what do you got?

Speaker 1 He looks like he has something big.

Speaker 7 Fire Fest of the Week, Scabies.

Speaker 9 I would like to bring a little awareness to Scabies because

Speaker 8 this is your Fire Fest. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And what is happening? Is that like life skilly?

Speaker 9 No, I thought I had Scabies, so I got the Scabies cream, but then it turns out I didn't have Scabies, and I just had scratches. But I had Scabies before.
They're a really bad issue. What are they?

Speaker 9 Scabies are like these little mites you catch.

Speaker 9 I caught them digging drainage pipes, but like they sneak up on you and they're super contagious and you might not be digging in a drainage dish with someone you know, then you catch them.

Speaker 1 When did you think you had scabies?

Speaker 7 So right now Billy's doing the math. So like thinking, when can I say when I wasn't in the office?

Speaker 1 So what did you think?

Speaker 7 You came in as

Speaker 1 Billy.

Speaker 9 I thought I had scabies on Monday.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 when did you get tested or whatever?

Speaker 1 So, so

Speaker 7 Jake's been inching further and further away from you on that channel.

Speaker 9 If you get two like, what looks like bites on your wrists or your ankles and they're close together, that's where the scabies dig in because they only enter one way and exit the other way.

Speaker 7 So they're tunnelers. They're tunnelers.

Speaker 9 So I thought Blindersky, I thought this was scabies, but really I got this from trying to build a chicken coop. But you need to make sure that if you have scabies.

Speaker 1 Oh, dude, what the fuck is this?

Speaker 9 The doctors are not going to give you the right medication. They're going to give you the cream.
You got to make sure you get the tablets.

Speaker 1 Dude, I'm mad at you that you came in here thinking you had it.

Speaker 9 I swear, I'm pretty sure it was, but I definitely know it isn't.

Speaker 9 Because they spread and they you just think it's like athlete's foot or something because it gets your feet, but then it totally spreads to your whole body. I've had them.

Speaker 9 I had them like two years ago.

Speaker 1 They're mites that literally like burrow into your body.

Speaker 9 Anyway, some people have them for like years and they you can get rid of them, but they just lurk around.

Speaker 1 Fuck you, Billy. Billy.
Dude, my firefest is you.

Speaker 1 You get it. You get a second ago.

Speaker 7 I was pretty sure I had him, but now I definitely don't. So you were pretty sure you had him when you came into this office.

Speaker 1 And you also definitely have not gotten tested for this.

Speaker 9 No, no, you can't get tested for scabies. Anyway, I took.
I hate you. The drug that you're going to want to ask for is

Speaker 9 also a...

Speaker 1 Have you taken this drug?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 8 Like, you're talking about a drug that you don't even have him taken?

Speaker 1 No, the drug is. So you haven't taken a drug.
You haven't tested. You just thought you had them.
You think you have them. You don't have them.
You don't have them.

Speaker 9 You haven't taken them.

Speaker 1 You're giving me a a recommendation for something you haven't taken. It looks like Uncle Chap's eyes.
Oh, don't say that. That's mean to scabies.

Speaker 9 You don't want to take

Speaker 9 scabies. There's a pill that you can take.
I think it starts with an eye.

Speaker 1 What have you taken?

Speaker 9 Well, I took some ivermectin, and

Speaker 9 you can get it at a tractor supply store because you can give it to horses.

Speaker 9 If you can't get it from your doctor, they sell it in big tubes like toothpaste.

Speaker 1 I've gone off the rail.

Speaker 9 Anyway, you got to make sure the dosage is right. It's like one milligram for any 20 pounds.
So you just go to the tractor supply store and get ivermectin if you think you have scabies.

Speaker 7 What happens if you don't treat them?

Speaker 9 They just basically, like, they come back, like, depending on what you're wear. So in the summer, if you have your ankles exposed a lot, they go away.

Speaker 7 Oh, so now you're slut-shaming people.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 7 You're saying that there was some elements of provocativeity.

Speaker 9 No, if you have scabies, just wear less clothes and they'll go away if you're having trouble. Anyway,

Speaker 1 make sure

Speaker 7 you take all your clothes off.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 7 Okay, good advice.

Speaker 9 And send me pictures to diet.

Speaker 1 No, no, yet again no billy yet again that is your fault

Speaker 1 my firefest is billy all right

Speaker 1 your firefest

Speaker 8 uh so on i think it was it was tuesday when you were here we did uh like a random host on twitch which is where like you can we talked about it with nick merx actually so you know what it is but big cat was getting off stream and we just i was like big cat pick a random random stream whatever we'll host them and it's it's a funny thing because like they're this guy was playing nhl he had like 16 viewers all of a sudden he had 20 000 He freaks out, whatever.

Speaker 8 Apparently, he was playing in an NHL league with a bunch of friends. One of the kids in that league.
So I golfed last week in Braintree.

Speaker 8 One of the kids in the league was in the group of people behind me. And this was, you know, it's the back nine.
I had a few beers, a little hot leaf. Like we were taking it easy.
And I got off.

Speaker 8 I got out of the cart, took my driver and walked up to the green before even looking at the distance. I realized it was a par three.
So I put the driver down, hit my buddy's club, left the driver.

Speaker 8 So I had to turn around and go get the driver from them. So

Speaker 8 all these people were watching this kid's stream, and it was like, this kid was like, dude, we were playing golf behind Hank, and he hit a par three, or he hit a driver from a par three.

Speaker 8 So everyone was just chirping the shit up.

Speaker 1 That's okay, though. I do that.

Speaker 7 Yeah, Hank, it sounds like you did hit a driver from a par three, and you're still denying that.

Speaker 1 No, no, that's. Jesse, I'm okay with that.
I like doing that.

Speaker 1 I hit par three. I hank a little off.

Speaker 8 I was going home and I got like a tweet being like, did you really hit a driver from a par three? And I had to have like one of those like, who is watching me moments?

Speaker 1 Because I was like, I thought, how does that, how did that get out? How the fuck did that get out? Damn.

Speaker 7 And so, Big Cat accidentally hosted that same guy, the guy in the league. Totally by accident.

Speaker 1 Crazy crazy.

Speaker 7 That's because the guy told Big Cat, hey, no, I just found him.

Speaker 1 I found him randomly, and he also,

Speaker 1 the chat just, just ruined his brain. Yeah.
He thought his mic was muted the entire time.

Speaker 8 I'll figure it out. My other foreshadow.

Speaker 8 My other Fire Fest, not foreshadowing or anything to do with the show or anything, but one of my comedic heroes heroes and big influences said I had school shooter energy.

Speaker 1 When did I say that?

Speaker 8 You never said it, wasn't you?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was just a, just a, you'll see. And you also said.
Do you agree with it?

Speaker 7 And you also said he was on Comedy Central when he was in Adult Swim.

Speaker 8 I swear.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I thought that was the same thing for a long time.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 7 No, Cartoon Network.

Speaker 1 That hurt. See, all right, so I probably started the chain of events.
Yeah, but where

Speaker 8 when I was growing up, the channels, it was Comedy Central, then Adult Swim. Or Comedy Central, then Cartoon Network, 6061.
So that was a mistake by me.

Speaker 1 That was a huge mistake by me. You did know that there were two channels even then.

Speaker 8 Yeah, but I just, they were the same. They blended in my mind.

Speaker 1 That's actually fair. When you have them close, you didn't know clumps together.

Speaker 8 Yeah, like VH1, MTV were like 28, 29.

Speaker 1 Dude, I'm so, I'm actually worried that I'm kind of, like, I will run the reps just to keep in shape. on running sports channels.

Speaker 2 Like, FX, TBS, also next to each other.

Speaker 1 They're very, they do that on purpose. Everyone should do that.
Everyone, make sure you do that once a week.

Speaker 1 Once a week, I turn on the TV and I just fire through all the sports channels just to keep my mind sharp on them.

Speaker 7 Oh, I had to find the golf channel the other week. Yeah.
It was in like the thousands and I was up in the 30s.

Speaker 1 You got to keep your mind sharp, guys.

Speaker 7 And I got that. I have Spectrum instead of Fios now.
I have no idea what channel the red zone is.

Speaker 7 How am I going to figure that out?

Speaker 1 Don't worry about eye football. Shut up.

Speaker 7 That was not even funny.

Speaker 1 I mean, dude, people have been saying that to me.

Speaker 2 That's not.

Speaker 1 So what do you want to do?

Speaker 7 You have to spread it along like scabies.

Speaker 7 My fire fest.

Speaker 7 god damn it my fire fest of the week is uh that now anybody can buy a robot dog for 75 000 and so we are about to enter the age of just private loan podcast robot well we can yeah we can buy a robot free after this one hank can buy a robot dog

Speaker 7 instead of a cat mm-hmm that'd be pretty sick so uh but i'm just i'm afraid that these robot dogs are going to be they're going to fall into the wrong hands

Speaker 1 yeah the the people rich enough to fucking buy them 75 grand. So it immediately goes to the wrong people.
Fuck. The people who literally,

Speaker 1 it's in their benefit to have the robots take over the world and be boss of the robots. Yeah.

Speaker 7 All of a sudden, Michael Vicks shows a strong interest in battle bots.

Speaker 7 I think I would buy a robot dog

Speaker 7 just to keep away other robot dogs. Is that how it works? No, I don't think that's how it works.
They're not programmed to either be afraid of each other or be like

Speaker 7 when you walk a robot dog past another robot dog, did they want to stop and play next to you?

Speaker 1 No, because when they hit the switch to have all the robots come together, you're going to have a robot in your house and he will turn on you.

Speaker 7 You know what? It's going to be Jeff Bezos hitting the series, or not the series switch, the Alexa switch.

Speaker 7 We already have robot dog whistles inside all our homes right now, and that's going to activate them against us.

Speaker 1 Fuck Alexa. Fuck that.
Fuck Alexa.

Speaker 1 All right, my Fire Fest is,

Speaker 1 I just, we're opening the office July 6th. By the way, we're going to have Monday and Wednesday next week shows and then takeies on July 6th.
So no show on Friday, July 3rd, July 3rd.

Speaker 1 We're opening the office July 6th. I don't,

Speaker 1 like, being able to speak to people and have like conversations, social anxiety is through the roof.

Speaker 1 We had, we were in the office yesterday where there was like 30 people, and it was just, I don't think I'm used to just being around people.

Speaker 1 It's a weird feeling, and I'm going to struggle with opening the office back up. We've had this like tight little group of people that are here, pretty much just us.
It's like our own little club.

Speaker 7 And now we lose it. It's going to be very strange.
But at least you know that when you see somebody for the first time, it's not going to be a handshake.

Speaker 1 It's going to be an elbow or a fist bump. I think it's not even going to be that.
I think it's going to be an awkward standing away from each other, like, hey.

Speaker 7 I'm just looking forward to having somebody I can say, oh, it sucks that the gyms aren't open yet, huh? I haven't got a lifted in forever. Yeah.
That's the coolest thing you can be saying right now.

Speaker 7 Joe, man, what the fuck? Gyms are phase four?

Speaker 1 Come on. Are they phase four?

Speaker 7 Phase four plus. It's an extra phase.

Speaker 1 What's phase three?

Speaker 7 Phase three is

Speaker 7 doing shots with the boys at bars.

Speaker 1 Okay, they allow

Speaker 7 groups of males in to relegate that.

Speaker 1 Hey, at least we're reopening. There was word that we weren't going to reopen for like six months, remember?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It felt like

Speaker 1 we were screwed forever. So we're at least reopening.
All right, let's get to our interview with Eric Andre before we do that. What's up, guys?

Speaker 1 It's Big Cat here making my Irish entrance with proper number 12 Irish whiskey. How do you make an Irish entrance, you ask?

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Speaker 7 And now, Eric Andre.

Speaker 1 What's up, man? How's it going?

Speaker 5 Shout out. What's up, guys?

Speaker 1 Are we recording?

Speaker 7 That's how we used to start our interviews is just with a reggaeton horn.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we had a reggaeton on our podcast for the first two episodes. Everyone was like, dude, we don't really want to listen to that every four minutes.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, but that was a good start. It's Eric Andre, and he just left.
He left us looking at his house plant.

Speaker 1 That was Eric Andre.

Speaker 7 Best interview in part of my take history. Oh, you're back.

Speaker 1 He's back. So we have Eric Andre.

Speaker 5 Shout out to Katie Maguire.

Speaker 1 Yes, we have Eric Andre on.

Speaker 1 I think actually a guest that our fans have wanted on for a very long time. So we appreciate you joining us.

Speaker 5 You have a new how much you bench?

Speaker 1 much actually, I benched today, so probably a little less right now because I'm a little sore. But yeah, you are noticing our uh squat rack that we have.
That was see you do five reps.

Speaker 1 Well, this is we basically put this in as a joke, but really we're kind of like closet meatheads. We're like, let's just bench while we podcast.

Speaker 5 I don't, I don't want excuses, I just want results.

Speaker 1 Okay, how much do you bench

Speaker 5 two, three, four fifty?

Speaker 7 $4.50. That's pretty good.

Speaker 1 Damn. Um, what are you eating?

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 5 Strawberries, blueberries.

Speaker 1 Nice. Nice.
Tomatoes. That Hollywood life.

Speaker 1 Fruits.

Speaker 1 You know, Hollywood. Always eating fruit.

Speaker 7 Getting your vitamins and shit.

Speaker 5 That's what it's known for.

Speaker 1 You have

Speaker 1 your Netflix special comes out on Friday. Legalize Everything.

Speaker 5 No, it's out right now. What do you think?

Speaker 1 It's out right now. Okay, well, we're going to run this.
It's out right now. What the hell are you talking about? So watch this the minute you hear us talking to Eric Andrew.

Speaker 5 10 reps, dude, just for getting that wrong.

Speaker 1 I uh legalize everything, though. It is out right now,

Speaker 7 it says if you actually

Speaker 7 start the show on Netflix at the same time as this interview, it matches up perfectly.

Speaker 7 Like, he's giving you bonus punchlines to it, like when you're watching Dark Side of the Moon and uh, Wizard of Oz, yeah. So, kind of meta stuff we're getting into.

Speaker 1 Yes, this is beautiful. This is he's about to get his strawberry joke.

Speaker 5 Henry,

Speaker 5 does your mom ever go and

Speaker 7 actually, yes, yes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Hank is our producer, and yes, that does happen all the time.

Speaker 5 Oh, sorry. Oh, somebody's at my door.
Hold on. Oh, it's the FedEx guy.

Speaker 1 I get a lot of cruise.

Speaker 5 Hey, how you doing?

Speaker 10 Come on up.

Speaker 1 Are you losing your mind in quarantine?

Speaker 5 You want to see how much alcohol I purchased? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Look at my bar. Ooh, I have that same bar cart.
I think everyone in the world has that. Yeah, you got it.
I'm building a bar. You got on Sky Mall, right?

Speaker 5 I don't know, actually.

Speaker 1 It's the Globe. I don't remember.

Speaker 5 I've had it for a while. Wait, you guys don't mind taking a trip to Flavor Town with me, dude? No, not at all.

Speaker 1 Columbus, Ohio.

Speaker 7 Do you have a Globe that you open up? And there's

Speaker 1 Columbus, Ohio.

Speaker 1 Have you heard that Columbus, Ohio is thinking about changing their name?

Speaker 5 Yeah, no, I signed the petition.

Speaker 1 Hell yeah, you did. So did I.
I started the petition.

Speaker 7 Guy Fieri's a legend.

Speaker 5 I want to shout out bitters and bottles. That's where I've been ordering all my booze from.
It's a San Francisco company. They have fucking everything.
I live in LA.

Speaker 5 It gets to you in like 24 hours.

Speaker 1 Did you just bring your own ad to our podcast?

Speaker 5 They don't even know me. Damn.
I've never met them. I am just endorsing like a good, I'm giving a company a shout-out, proper shout-out that deserves it.

Speaker 5 They have been keeping me sane through quarantine, through self-medicating and binge drinking.

Speaker 1 I was going to say, keeping you sane through drinking way too much.

Speaker 5 Yes, exactly.

Speaker 7 Has your taste and booze? There's no other way. Has your taste in booze like evolved over the last three months because you've gotten like you've drank so much that you get bored of certain liquors?

Speaker 5 I'm bored of certain liquors. I get, um,

Speaker 5 I'm always chasing new recipes. I got a lot of cocktail cookbooks, um, and I got a juicer, so I've been making my own pineapple juice,

Speaker 1 watermelon juice, yellow pepper juice.

Speaker 1 Do you, you know, when I actually, before this interview, I listened to an interview you did, and I said to myself while I was listening to it, I was like, I don't think Eric Andre likes to be interviewed.

Speaker 1 And this is, this is exactly what I imagined it would happen. Like, and I like this, but it's not really, you know, I mean, blame the FedEx guy.

Speaker 5 I didn't tell you, you know, I mean, we're all trapped in our house. Let me just step close to her.

Speaker 1 I don't think he likes to be interviewed, which I actually

Speaker 1 appreciate.

Speaker 7 I think he likes having conversations. It's free for him.
He just doesn't like, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we won't ask any more questions, okay, Eric?

Speaker 5 Sounds good.

Speaker 7 Well, now, how do we do the interview?

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 7 I saw you in 2016.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 5 lo and behold, it's bitters and bottles.

Speaker 1 There we go.

Speaker 1 Look at this. I don't even remember.
I order so much shit from that.

Speaker 5 I don't even remember what I... I'm like, oh, yeah, that bottle of bourbon.

Speaker 1 Awesome. Yeah, wait.
Do you order it while you're drunk? Like, do you wait till you get drunk and then you just keep reordering? Because that would be dangerous.

Speaker 5 No, I actually order more sober. I mean, coffee is a drug.
So I'm always drinking a coffee during the day. I actually binge order.

Speaker 5 with my first cup of coffee and then mellow out when I'm drunk because cocktails can when you start getting into the more complicated ones they become like kind of a pain in the ass.

Speaker 5 But

Speaker 5 yeah, you know what? This is so late. I don't even have anything cool to show you.
I got like obscure sherries to mix with drinks. Because, like, sherry, everything like sherry, dessert wine.

Speaker 5 That's the shit my grandma drinks.

Speaker 5 But in these like cocktail cookbooks, I've been getting, they've been using sherries as like ingredients and they add a little sweetness to the cocktail, but it's still alcoholic.

Speaker 5 They're fucking delicious. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Have you noticed the time that you're getting drunk move up? Because I think that's probably the sign.

Speaker 5 Oh, oh, I'll be cards on the table. I, I am coming up to one month of not drinking because I was drinking every single day.
And it started like, okay, after dinner, I started drinking.

Speaker 5 And then it was like, all right, seven o'clock. All right, six o'clock.
I was like, five o'clock somewhere, five o'clock, no drinks before five. And then it was like a margarita with lunch.

Speaker 5 And then, and then I was like, okay, I'm turning into Bukowski. I need to fucking,

Speaker 5 I'm going to take a month off. And I was getting fat.
I had like a dad bud. So I was like, I'm taking a month off.
I'm intermittent fasting. I'm going to work out every single day.

Speaker 5 And then I'm going to start boozing again. So I'm going to start drinking.

Speaker 7 That's when it's going to be the best is when you start drinking again. It's going to be like you're 18 years old and that first beer that you have is going to be amazing.

Speaker 5 My tolerance is down now.

Speaker 1 It's going to be awesome. I think you just described everyone's quarantine as well, where it's like it started

Speaker 1 and it was like, fuck this. I'm getting fat.
And then it's, you know, started to get a little warmer. It's like, oh, shit, this is bad.
Like, eventually I'm going to have to go back to society.

Speaker 5 Well, also, at first the quarantine was like ah it's just gonna be two weeks of quarantine it's good it's gonna be a month of quarantine gonna be two months of quarantine gonna be six months of quarantine it's gonna be like this for the rest of our lives so i think like at first you're like yeah

Speaker 5 what crush up pills and make cocktails

Speaker 7 and then you're like oh this is the new normal i have to like not die by the end of the year You've got to have great timing with this Netflix special, too, because it came out in the middle of quarantine.

Speaker 7 So you feel like you're working and putting something out, even though it's already been shot and it's in the tank.

Speaker 1 So people are like, Yeah,

Speaker 1 Eric God almost busted his ass.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I'm so glad I toured and filmed last year. I didn't predict the coronavirus, but thank God that that happened.

Speaker 5 I was almost, there was a time where we were talking about filming this year, and I would have been so depressed. Thank God

Speaker 5 I got it over with. And thank, you know, it's a silver lining.
People are stuck in their house. They have to watch my special.

Speaker 5 We've been through Tiger King five times already, so we got to watch something new.

Speaker 1 You also had a serendipitous moment because your cops joke, which you've had for a very long time, is in this Netflix special, and it's cops just got canceled.

Speaker 5 Dude, it is like the quarantine and the cop apocalypse that's happening right now couldn't have happened at a better time for me.

Speaker 1 It's miserable for everybody else.

Speaker 5 But they're really

Speaker 5 helping my special.

Speaker 1 I love that. I love that idea of everyone's going to, you know, once we get to the end of December, everyone's going to be like, so long, 2020, worst year ever.

Speaker 2 And it's like, great year for Eric Andre.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 it's lovely. You're all stuck.

Speaker 5 Everybody's, and my movie's coming out on Netflix, too. So it's just, it's a good time to be on Netflix.
Yeah. Your subscriptions went up 15 million.
They're up to like 182 million subscriptions.

Speaker 5 Jesus.

Speaker 7 Do you know when you're going to get back to work on the show and other projects? Or is everything just like a total of 10 years?

Speaker 5 We're finishing right now, season five.

Speaker 5 We finished filming in February, right before quarantine started and we're finishing editing right now i deliver the final episode next week and it's going to start airing season five eric andre show is going to start airing at the end of the year so

Speaker 5 how much i should get a reposado i want to shout out

Speaker 1 el tesoro here we go what are you trying to do

Speaker 5 great

Speaker 5 great tequila

Speaker 5 highly recommend the blanco

Speaker 5 And the reposado. I usually don't get a newjos because they're so good that I just want to sip them neat.
And it's boring sipping stuff neat because I I like making cocktails.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 5 great tequila brand. Highly recommend this, and I recommend

Speaker 1 your whole bar cart. Just take us around the world.

Speaker 5 Tapatillo. Tapatillo.
This is good. Underrated tequila.
Tapatillo and Fortaleza.

Speaker 1 Those are kind of like my three favorites.

Speaker 7 So, why are you ordering brand new bottles of liquor if you're not going to drink them?

Speaker 5 I'm going to start drinking Saturday.

Speaker 1 There we go. Oh, nice.

Speaker 5 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 It's the end of my one-month

Speaker 2 sobriety. Look at that.

Speaker 1 That is a big one. I got all these bitters.

Speaker 5 I got the Coco Lopez for the piña coladas. I'm getting into these weird, like, fucking Yuzu salt.
Like, put a margarita rim, but don't use lime.

Speaker 5 Use yuzu, which is like a Japanese citrus, and put yuzu salt around the rim.

Speaker 1 So are you making these for other people or just yourself?

Speaker 5 Yeah, it's me and my girlfriend. I'll have a couple people quarantining.
So I'll have a couple people over for barbecue. Nice.
We'll hand sanitize.

Speaker 1 We'll stay outside and then i'll make cocktails because i was going to say it's it's it's always kind of depressing like if you cook by yourself and then you make it and then you're like okay well it's just me here cocktails by yourself ain't depressing you you drink that depression right

Speaker 1 away you know what i mean like do you have your saturation

Speaker 5 danger i got the med cow with the worm at the bottom of it oh do you drink the worm

Speaker 5 It's actually a larva of a moth that lives in the agave plant and it has no purpose. It's just marketing.
It doesn't have any psychedelic qualities. It's just a disgusting larva.
It's fucking gross.

Speaker 5 And that med scale is not that great.

Speaker 7 Do you know what your first drink back is going to be on Saturday? Do you have it planned out?

Speaker 5 I have a list.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 5 I have a list. My dad's Caribbean.
I love rum. I have like rum drinking in my blood.
So I'm going to start out with a hurricane.

Speaker 5 And you know what? A hurricane is just like

Speaker 10 Karuba.

Speaker 5 Where is it? It's Jamaican rum. It's like dark Jamaican rum, four ounces, two ounce lemon juice, two ounce passion fruit syrup.
And it's from New Orleans.

Speaker 5 It's when New Orleans, I think during World War II, they were having a hard time getting vodka and whiskey and all these other spirits.

Speaker 5 They could only get access to rum because it was close to the Caribbean and the Gulf of Mexico. So people started making hurricanes.
I get you fucked up. So that's my first drink back.

Speaker 5 Then I'm going to do a pina colada. Then I have a bunch of really esoteric cocktails I found online and in my cocktail cookbooks that I'm going to like forge through.
I made a whole list.

Speaker 5 I'm just salivating.

Speaker 1 I find rum drunk is that like volatile drunk that if you can get to the perfect level, it's unbelievable.

Speaker 1 But if you go one too far, you're like, okay, now I'm one of puke and my stomach hurts really, really bad.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I don't know. I could drink rum all day

Speaker 5 so happy. I think it's like ancestral

Speaker 1 drinking. Yeah.

Speaker 5 My dad's from Haiti, so like, it's just like, you know, rum is like a slave spirit.

Speaker 5 Like the slave molasses was considered um like industrial waste so the slave masters were just getting rid of the molasses and then the slaves were like yo if you just let that shit sit out for like six months you drink the juices you get

Speaker 5 lit and then white people started being like wait wait the slaves are getting lit let me see that

Speaker 1 fire we'll put a fake captain on it yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 And then pirates started drinking it and shit. So it's just in my blood to drink rum.
But I love tequila too. I just like brandy.
I can't get it. I tried brandy.
I can't get into brandy.

Speaker 7 What is brandy? Is that just like a sweet whiskey type thing?

Speaker 5 Brandy is anything

Speaker 5 that is, I could be wrong. Wait, don't, I knew this.
Don't let me fuck this up. It's any spirit you make from fruit.
So peach brandy, grape brandy.

Speaker 5 So

Speaker 5 regular spirits are made from sugar, things that produce sugar, like the yeast eats the sugar and poops out alcohol and then the alcohol kills the yeast but brandy is made from fruit like pisco is a great brandy uh hennessy is a cognac cognac a region in france that produces brandy i think that's a great brandy i could be wrong um

Speaker 1 it's any spirit made from fruit i like what you've done here because you basically became a drunk but you learned about it so it doesn't feel like it's degenerate

Speaker 1 exactly yes it's genius

Speaker 7 you're like genius you're like three more months of quarantine away from starting your own distillery inside your house.

Speaker 5 I mean, I looked into the process of distilling liquor. It is the biggest pain in the ass that I would never want to fucking do in the world.

Speaker 5 It is like manual labor, cutting down plants, making them ferment. putting them in a pot still.
The wash evaporates. The alcohol gets on the top of this.
It's a pain in the fucking ass.

Speaker 5 God bless anybody that wants to do it. It seems miserable.

Speaker 1 Can I ask a real question about your show?

Speaker 5 Yeah. I also got Cuban cigars.
I'm going to light those up.

Speaker 1 Nice.

Speaker 1 Nice. Although we had the take a few days ago.

Speaker 1 I don't like cigars. I never have gotten into them.
I don't know if it's a taste thing. Like, what am I doing wrong?

Speaker 5 Most, I think most suck. Cuban cigars are awesome.
Okay. The issue is they take forever to smoke.

Speaker 5 So I'll like enjoy it for like half an hour, but I have to like share it with my girlfriend or something because it they're like you're in it for the long haul right by like by the halfway point you're like oh

Speaker 7 but cuban cuban cigars are they're they're enjoyable i don't even smoke i never smoke cigarettes i always think that that why waste the money on a nice cigar when you can just get a black and mild because nothing will ever beat the value that you get from a black and mild like a wood tip maybe the wine flavored black and mild that is the peak of cigars in my opinion yo you from these trees dog.

Speaker 1 Yeah, cuz. I just like a good black and mild.

Speaker 7 I don't know what it is. For me, it's always more delicious having one of those than like the nicest.

Speaker 1 Swisher.

Speaker 7 Swisher sometimes, but that can be too sweet.

Speaker 1 Hell yeah.

Speaker 5 Country. You country, country.

Speaker 1 All right, so my real question wasn't about cigars. My real question was:

Speaker 1 as a comedian, as someone who's insanely creative, do you get annoyed ever seeing people kind of jack your style recently, whether it be with the video editing that you do, the style, or do you just not care?

Speaker 5 Opposite. It's the highest form of flattery.
In case it's the highest form of flattery. I was so broke when I sold my show and so ready to quit comedy.

Speaker 5 I never thought I would have my own show or my own house or anything that like I am

Speaker 5 so flattered. by

Speaker 5 all that stuff.

Speaker 5 I'm buddies with Matt Groening, who created The Simpsons.

Speaker 5 And he said when The Simpsons started, it was a huge phenomenon and people started making those like homemade Bart Simpson t-shirts and the Black Bart t-shirts and all that stuff.

Speaker 5 And Fox at first was like, should we like stop season desist? And he's like, no, let that shit spread like wildfire. People are invested into it.
He's like, I love the knockoff.

Speaker 5 t-shirts and the fake toy. He would go down to Tijuana and get like knockoff Bart Simpson toys.
He's like, that's the highest form of flattery.

Speaker 5 And that shows how invested people, this is like 1989, like 1990 91 you know what i mean yeah like you know 30 35 years ago he was like that's the best sign that's like a positive omen for the show that means that the show is going to be a hit and here we are they're on episode 702 you know and they're worth two billion dollars so um yeah to answer your question no i love that i encourage it i'm like so flattered

Speaker 5 you can definitely see your you have influenced a lot of people too like you can see and i'm influenced you know i'm with some of my influences too i love you know like you can tell i i i love tom green i love jackass i love chappelle show i love alley g show red and stimpy beavis and butthead simpsons wonder shows and like i'm just an amalgamation of my influences too so we all we're all you know experiencing the same world that's a good attitude to have like like let people do their knockoff versions because at the end of the day it's just going to remind people of you

Speaker 5 Yeah, no, I'm I'm I'd like shout out as long as people aren't like being mean or malicious or well I'm curious about you know I think like if they're if they're if their intentions are pure then like more power to them how

Speaker 1 so that was another question I had was how are you able to that fine line because you see it now with everyone trying to get famous on Twitter Instagram tick tock wherever it may be prank videos

Speaker 1 Where they just come, they fall flat because they're mean or they're, you know, you watch it and you're like, what the fuck is going on here?

Speaker 1 Why, why'd this guy just go punch like an old lady and say it's just a prank?

Speaker 1 So, how are you able to find that subtle line that makes it funny?

Speaker 5 Well, it's hard, you never want to be mean, you never want it to be mean-spirited or come from a place of uh malice.

Speaker 5 Um, you just want it to, that's not what a prank is about. A prank is about cramming absurdity into reality and distorting the truth until you like short-circuit somebody's brain.

Speaker 5 You, you want, you want somebody to be pinwheeling, you don't want them like you're not, I'm not trying to ruin somebody's day ever.

Speaker 5 So, So when I'm in character or the characters I take on in the show or what we did with the hidden camera prank movie, like I'm always

Speaker 5 my, my, my character is always like going into a situation earnestly, not like, ha ha, check this out. I'm going to fuck with this person.
Right. Like the character is usually like a sad sack.

Speaker 5 Like I have a bit where I I go in the New York City subway with a neuter dog cone and I have fruit loops glued to like a spandex outfit. And I enter the subway.

Speaker 5 We do this for real hitting camera prank. And I went to the whole train.
I go, ladies and gentlemen, I have bad news. I did not get the job at Fruit Loops.
My body is now your communion.

Speaker 5 Please eat from me. And I pour milk in the dog cone and I'm passing out spoons and fruit loops are flying everywhere.
Milk is flying everywhere.

Speaker 5 But that character is a sad sack that's going through a hard time. He didn't get the job at Fruit Loops and he's now sacrificing his body to the people.
He's not being mean.

Speaker 5 He earnestly is going through

Speaker 5 the melodramatic shit. So if you play it earnestly and dramatically, and you don't, you actually,

Speaker 5 the opposite of comedy is playing the joke. You want to like play the drama in the situation.
And the more dramatic you play something, the more funny it is. So I think that's the key.

Speaker 5 You don't want your

Speaker 5 characters to ever be like, nanny, nanny, boo-boo, back to you. I'm Poke Rock.

Speaker 1 Have you ever watched a hidden camera prank back and been like, ooh,

Speaker 1 that looks different than how I imagine it. That seems mean.

Speaker 5 Oh, yeah, that's all the time. I mean, like, you're constantly

Speaker 5 rewriting, rehearsing, rewriting, rehearsing, shooting it, reevaluating it, potentially reshooting it, editing it. The edit doesn't feel good, or a part feels mean.

Speaker 5 You're lifting out a part that felt mean that you didn't mean for it to be mean. So you're constantly reassessing and refining until it feels funny.

Speaker 5 But it's a process, it's not, it doesn't happen overnight. That's another problem with like a lot of YouTube pranksters.

Speaker 5 They're not conscious of that in the editing bay. They just film it, they edit it.
It's just like you're watching the raw footage and it doesn't feel good.

Speaker 7 Has it been tougher now that you have a bit of notoriety, more people know who you are to have guests on your show that you can genuinely prank or shock while they're on your show?

Speaker 5 Yeah, getting guests in the studio this fifth season was

Speaker 5 challenging, but we just avoid the demographic. We usually usually bring in people that are over 40.
That's a big thing. Like, not a lot of people over 40 know who the fuck I am.

Speaker 5 And then in the streets, I did like a body change for season five. I like picked my head bald.
I gained 20 pounds. I spray tanned every day.
I went in these tanning beds every day.

Speaker 5 I bleached my teeth and shaved my facial hair. I waxed my pubic hair.
I got rid of all my body hair except my eyebrows. So I like, I look like

Speaker 5 a bloated Vin Diesel. Like when Vin Diesel like takes off between the Fast and the Furious movies and he just starts drinking again.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He gets all bloated.

Speaker 5 Like that's kind of what I, that's kind of what I look like for this season.

Speaker 1 And he sings karaoke to himself. Those videos are my favorite Vin Diesel when he's God.

Speaker 5 I haven't seen that.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. You got like he just standing, I think it's in his house in front of a big projector singing karaoke to no one.

Speaker 1 It's incredible. Like really sad songs, too.

Speaker 1 He's really good. Yeah.

Speaker 5 He's making the fast and the furious money, dude he's so rich yeah

Speaker 1 Rihanna's stay was the one that I remember was like wow Vin Diesel really he's really letting it letting his heart out there I don't know I think he just had a karaoke phase he loves karaoke you guys send me those videos that sounds incredible all right yeah just shoot me your number um

Speaker 5 yeah it's uh uh 917

Speaker 1 uh do you how many people if it let's say there's just for just for a round number let's say there's a million people that know Eric Andre how many of those people know you just because your gifts are unbelievable and you've become such an integral part of social media now you know that's i i can't even take ownership of that that's just like those were created by the people i didn't make those so thank thank god whoever made those

Speaker 5 that's like those are like keeping my career alive right now so I can't take credit for that. Thank you for whoever's making those.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 The Let Me In White House, the Why Would You Say Something So Bold, and then the

Speaker 1 shooting Hannibal Burris. Yeah, those are like, if you, those probably are used, those are probably top 10 that are gifts used.

Speaker 1 It's that, and maybe Denzel Washington, every time someone trends and they're like, ooh, thought this person died, Denzel Washington, no, he didn't.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 5 Thank you, Reddit. Thank every subreddit.

Speaker 5 Thank you, people.

Speaker 5 The public has spoken. And that's like the Bart Simpson t-shirt of my

Speaker 5 work, I guess.

Speaker 5 Yes, yes, like it's keeping it going because it took a while to film the movie, and then the movie is going to come out in April, and then quarantine happens, and that's coming out on Netflix.

Speaker 5 So, like, I had to take three and a half, four years off between seasons, and then we had to film the special.

Speaker 5 I had to tour the special, so it's been a while since I put anything out, so that's why I got a bunch of shit coming out this year.

Speaker 5 Um, so those memes like kept my career alive, so yeah, God bless Reddit

Speaker 5 and Instagram.

Speaker 7 When you were at the RNC in 2016, I was there and I was trying to get up close to Alex Jones. You somehow got up to him.

Speaker 1 There was like a big

Speaker 5 I was being pushed back by the crowd. And then he was like, Bring the daily show guy up here.
And I was like, I don't know what daily show.

Speaker 5 I think Wyatt Sinak, Trevor Noah, but thank God he thinks I'm the guy at the daily show.

Speaker 5 He's like, bring him up here. What do you want to talk about, Libtard? You know, he had like,

Speaker 1 were you

Speaker 5 infowars.com, infowars.gov, info.

Speaker 1 Buy my vitamins. Prisonplanet.tv.
I got all the documents. Yeah.
Prisonplaner.tv.

Speaker 5 I got the documents. I got the emails right here.
And they're turning the frogs gay.

Speaker 7 Were you a little bit afraid in that scenario? Because that crowd, I'll put it this way, that was not the most welcoming crowd for anybody.

Speaker 5 It was actually the bikers for Trump, and there was a lot of alt-right guys there. They hadn't won the election yet, so they weren't as empowered as they are now.

Speaker 5 But it was an open carry state, so a lot of those guys were armed. And I knew it was terrifying, but I knew I was getting some of the best footage of my career.
So I was, my mind was split.

Speaker 5 My mind was, I'm scared for my life,

Speaker 5 but I'm getting some of the best footage ever. So I just have to commit.
And then I just like got in the zone when I was up there. He's like, you're the guy from the daily show.

Speaker 5 I was like, I'm not the guy from the daily show. I'm from MySpace.
He's like, all right, what do you want to talk about? I was like, here's my hotel key. I want you to fuck my wife.

Speaker 1 And he's like, all right, well, hold up now.

Speaker 5 He's like, but what hotel room is she in?

Speaker 1 Now that I'm thinking about it, is this like the golden age for

Speaker 1 not prank show, but like live man on the street stuff because there's so many crazy people that are emboldened right now? I feel like there's so many crazy people.

Speaker 5 It's not the golden age now because of the coronavirus. It's like I don't want to fucking go out there shooting pranks.

Speaker 1 True.

Speaker 5 I'm glad that I did the majority of my filming. The movie's done filming.
The special is done filming. Season five, Eric Andrews shows done filming.

Speaker 5 Thank God I got all that filming done before quarantine hit.

Speaker 5 I know people that were about to go into production or halfway through production that had to shut their shows down, and now they're like they're

Speaker 5 suffering. So, especially the people that were like just getting their careers started, like my heart goes out to them because they can't film.

Speaker 1 What can we do?

Speaker 5 Like, I heard some people are like, Don't want to fucking, oh, god damn it,

Speaker 5 my oven's broken, and sometimes it's on, and sometimes it's not on. And I was just baking my breakfast.
I'm trying to intermittent fast and shit.

Speaker 1 It's the worst,

Speaker 1 it's the worst, and also you just end up eating more in the time that you can eat.

Speaker 5 Yeah, sucks.

Speaker 1 It's the worst.

Speaker 1 I don't know why.

Speaker 5 I'm done being a fat fuck. I got man boobs.

Speaker 1 It's gross. I got dad pods.

Speaker 5 So I'm like, nah, I got to fucking eat vegetables. And it sucks.
So it's a struggle.

Speaker 7 That sounds awesome, though, that you got to gain 20 pounds and you got to do it for your job. That must have been just like heaven on earth.

Speaker 5 It's awesome, but at the same time, you start getting depressed. But it's awesome.
Eating pizza and peanut butter jelly sandwiches at night is fucking awesome.

Speaker 5 Drinking whatever you want, it's awesome. But like, after a while, you're like, I'm like fucking my body up.

Speaker 5 And then you're like, well, Christian Bale is like a psychopath.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Because I like, I had to work so hard just to gain 20 and you couldn't really, it doesn't even look that much different. He gained 60.
He's lost 60.

Speaker 5 The guy's like, his heart's going to pop by the time he's, you know, 50, 55. It's like, it's kind of dark.

Speaker 1 uh he's the master so i had uh one last question uh our producer hand sorry sorry to be

Speaker 5 no you're fine this is exactly how i figured it was gonna go uh the no you know i've done so many podcasts i did press yesterday from 6 30 a.m to 10 30 p.m jesus podcast after podcast i was trying to be polite and not move the laptop around but then i was like i gotta eat i'm starving all right so you know what cancel my last question let's do it

Speaker 1 i want i want to just i want to i want to show you Vin Diesel singing karaoke.

Speaker 5 Oh, yes, please. How do I can we screen?

Speaker 1 What do you do? Screen share? Can you see this or no? Bring it closer to the screen share.

Speaker 5 I can't see it. Hold on, let me do uh enter full view.

Speaker 5 You can do screen share, can you? No, listen, I can't really see it, be honest with you. Hold on,

Speaker 1 he's doing it. He's singing stay by himself, just sitting.

Speaker 7 Yeah, Jake, put it up next to the

Speaker 7 Can you hear that? Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is how we screen share.

Speaker 1 Screen share.

Speaker 5 Who's filming him?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 He's literally by himself with a big projector screen behind him.

Speaker 1 He's good. It's very

Speaker 1 cat. It's very erotic.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 7 Isn't he like 5'4 ⁇ ?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Have you ever met Vin Diesel?

Speaker 5 No, no, I haven't even been king.

Speaker 1 All right, this interview's over.

Speaker 7 You should absolutely get Vin Diesel on your show.

Speaker 1 Wait, you don't know Vin Diesel? Fuck you, dude.

Speaker 5 Yeah, sorry.

Speaker 7 When you were doing like 12 hours or however long of interviews, does anybody ever try to do your style of interviewing back to you?

Speaker 5 This only happened once a few years ago, but it was a guy that was a buddy of mine. And I was like, all right, cut the shit, Johnny.
Let's fucking get down to brass taxi.

Speaker 5 One of us has to be the straight man, and sure as shit, I don't want to be the straight man. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That'd be tough.

Speaker 7 That'd be tough. Like, some guy just like pulls a gun on you.
He's like, ha ha ha.

Speaker 1 Get it?

Speaker 7 Have you ever had a gun pulled out?

Speaker 5 We had a knife pulled out on us while we're filming the pranks for the movie, me and Rel. That sucked.

Speaker 7 You bet, you ever been arrested?

Speaker 5 Yeah, I got arrested season one of Eric Andrew's show, and I got detained season four.

Speaker 7 It's basically the same thing.

Speaker 5 Wait, what was yeah, but my lawyer swooped in on that one and got me out

Speaker 5 right before I was like going to this precinct to do my mug shots, and my lawyer came to the rescue.

Speaker 1 All right, so I do have my last question.

Speaker 1 So Hank is a huge fan. He's our producer.
He produces, when I asked about using editing.

Speaker 1 Yes. He, you know, we have a sports gambling show that I think uses some of the same types of zoom-ins and everything, right, Hank? Would that be fair to say? Can you just ask a question?

Speaker 1 Ask the question, Hank.

Speaker 8 I just want to know what the editing process of the Comedy Central show was like and like what your process working with the editor was like and stuff and how many times you had to watch your...

Speaker 1 I've never been on comedy central the show's an adult swim so go fuck yourself sorry we'll edit that out you fucking lazy asshole he does love

Speaker 5 it's uh it's very tedious

Speaker 5 um it is not easy editing the show i'm blessed with incredible incredible editors that are very creative but we are we are creating a lot of the humor in the editing um you never want to like rely on editing to do the joke you should do your job as a writer and to write to the best of your abilities, but the editing enhances everything.

Speaker 5 And it is crucial. It is crucial to have a good

Speaker 1 editor. Is there a

Speaker 5 last stop of production? So you better have somebody who's smart gets it right.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you have a follow-up?

Speaker 2 Is there a point where you guys go back and forth?

Speaker 8 Like we can't, we have to stop going back and forth because we've seen it so many times that we don't even know if it's funny or not anymore?

Speaker 5 Yeah, sometimes you get numbed to it sometimes you get to put it down but deadlines are everything so like we can't every day the editors on staff we're spending a lot of money so uh we only have a finite amount of money so we have to commit to a schedule and the pressure of the deadline is actually good and the pressure and the confines of having a limited amount of money is actually like a good thing creatively so um that kind of determines schedule and our process.

Speaker 7 One other thing I like a lot about your humor is that you are you're not afraid to still pull your dick out sometimes.

Speaker 5 Hank, why can't I see you? Why are you hiding behind the camera? Why can't you just bench do like a squat press and look at me in the eye?

Speaker 1 Hank can't bench. Our studio's not really such a shit.

Speaker 1 He's got bird arms. Yeah.

Speaker 5 You can't walk over to the other guys and just bench?

Speaker 5 Face me manoe mano? You don't have to.

Speaker 8 Not with a microphone.

Speaker 7 Do you want to do some curls, Hank?

Speaker 5 Nah, you don't have to. You don't have to.

Speaker 1 Hank will do 10 curls for you. Hank, come do some curls for Eric Andre.
He's going to do 10 curls so you can see what he looks like. By the way, everyone should check out Eric Andre's

Speaker 1 Netflix special, Legalize Everything Out Now.

Speaker 1 You like this pump?

Speaker 5 I like it.

Speaker 1 Excellent arms all the way down, Hank.

Speaker 7 There you go. Get that deep breath.

Speaker 5 Dad, cargo shorts, rocking the bicep curls, got the new balance.

Speaker 7 Those are 10-pound weights.

Speaker 1 This is easily worth two margaritas after this.

Speaker 5 God bless you.

Speaker 1 Good form, Hank.

Speaker 5 That was great. That dynasty beard looks handsome.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Looking good.

Speaker 1 Well, this has been awesome. Weird, weird school shooter energy.
I like it.

Speaker 5 What was your last question?

Speaker 1 That was my. Oh, yeah.
Would you give one last question? No. Wait, what's the so you said you already said the first drink? What's the last drink on Saturday?

Speaker 5 You know what? I could tell you. I have to find my.
I texted it. I texted my own drink menu.
This is how I'm much of an alcoholic I am. I texted my own drink menu to myself.
Let me

Speaker 5 see if I can pull it up.

Speaker 5 So I'm going to do a hurricane. I'm going to do a best year, which is a

Speaker 5 tiki drink with vodka and blue curacao in it. It's just like hard to make, so I want to try it.
I'm going to do a pina colada, then an agricole guava cooler,

Speaker 5 then this drink with soursop juice, which is this like exotic fruit. Then a bunch of obscure drinks that no one's ever heard of.
Yellow number two, an

Speaker 5 expedition,

Speaker 5 a bunch of tiki drinks. I like making a complicated drink.

Speaker 7 Nice. You're going to get through drink number three and be like, holy shit, this mucked off.

Speaker 1 Fucked me up.

Speaker 5 I'm not going to get through the whole menu.

Speaker 7 Well, Godspeed.

Speaker 1 This will be a shitty interview if you die, so don't die. I won't die.
Promise you. Actually, no, it'd be great.

Speaker 7 Yeah, the ratings would be a good thing.

Speaker 1 People will definitely run these, be like, listen to how much Eric Andre was planning on drinking on Saturday.

Speaker 7 Do you have any last words that you'd like, just last thoughts from your brain that you'd you'd like to be known by?

Speaker 1 Oh my God, I don't know.

Speaker 5 WW

Speaker 5 UJD, what would Uncle Jesse do?

Speaker 1 There you go.

Speaker 7 All right, and then we're going to sell t-shirts that say that.

Speaker 1 Yes. Make a shitload of money off of his.
All that shit. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Legally we can.

Speaker 7 Yeah, you just said that earlier. You said you have no problem in knockoff merch.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 5 This conversation really petered out, guys. I'm going to be honest with you.

Speaker 1 Well, I... This podcast is falling apart at the seams.
I think it peaked when you went and picked up the delivery. That was the first time that's ever happened.
So, I love it.

Speaker 5 We peaked in high school.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes. Well, Eric Andre, thank you so much, man.
We really appreciate it. Thank you, guys.

Speaker 5 I appreciate you. Thanks for having me.
I appreciate it.

Speaker 1 I'll talk again. Have a good one.

Speaker 3 Hey, everybody, it's Vibs, and this is my PSA to remind you that golf season is officially here.

Speaker 3 Whether you end up in the fairway or in the woods, fire up your round this spring with the official shot of golf, Fireball Cinnamon, Cinnamon Whiskey.

Speaker 3 Slip a couple minis in your bag for you and the boys so that no matter how you hit them, you're still having a killer day out on the course. Ignite the Fairways with Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey.

Speaker 1 Okay, here he is, Jay Cutler.

Speaker 7 And now for something completely different.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on very good friend of the program, recurring guest, and the man who has captivated a nation

Speaker 1 because of a chicken massacre. It is my quarterback, Jay Cutler.
Jay,

Speaker 1 what's going on?

Speaker 10 How are you doing, bud?

Speaker 1 I'm doing great, but we need, like, did you realize? Let's start here.

Speaker 1 Did you realize when you started doing Instagram stories about the chicken massacre that the world would be like on the edge of their seat for an update on what's going on in your backyard?

Speaker 10 No, I did not. And,

Speaker 10 you know, I got

Speaker 10 Instagram.

Speaker 1 You know, we've dabbled in it.

Speaker 10 I've never really been in control of it. So I didn't really know, A, how to do stories.
Was a little

Speaker 10 petrified of it, to be honest. Took me a minute to figure out all the buttons and all the little gadgets and all the little things you can do.

Speaker 10 But I felt like,

Speaker 10 you know, I had a chicken story. I needed to get out there.

Speaker 7 Yeah, it looked like a pretty grisly scene back there. When you walked into your backyard the first time, what was your initial reaction?

Speaker 10 Well, it's tough to see the ladies lying dead in the yard like that. So, you know, heads are gone, they're taking their heads off our chickens.
Like, it's an issue.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, okay, so you go out there, you see that, and yeah, now I don't want to say that it was unfair what you did, but you did accuse the cat.

Speaker 1 What's the cat's name?

Speaker 10 Thelma.

Speaker 1 Thelma. You accuse the cat, and I honestly,

Speaker 1 your initial instinct makes sense because

Speaker 1 that cat looked suspect. But what happened next? Yeah.

Speaker 10 Well, I mean, I've watched that cat kill squirrels, birds. I mean, you name it.
The cat's a savage.

Speaker 10 So I thought, hey, what's next up to totem pole? We're the chickens. Why not?

Speaker 1 It's getting bold. It's a buffet for the chickens.

Speaker 10 And, you know, she's just kind of, and she's kind of cruising around.

Speaker 1 She didn't never care in the world.

Speaker 10 So I was like, hey, you probably did this. And it would probably be a message to me, like, hey, I run the roost now.
It's like, no, no, you're a cat.

Speaker 7 Show out. I feel like if the cat's graduating from animal to animal, the move that most cats would make would be to bring the chicken's body like up to the doorstep as a gift to you, its owner.

Speaker 7 Have you talked to Tony Scheffler about the predatory behaviors of outdoor cats? Because I know he's got a real bastard in Scouty that'll take down a few mammals. Yes.

Speaker 10 He He does. He does.
And I mean, I know that cat. I mean, I feel like they're all kind of like

Speaker 10 once you get a good one like that,

Speaker 10 you know,

Speaker 10 the habits are pretty similar. So, I mean, Thelma, Thelma's a long net breed.
She's still young. She's still kind of figuring out some things.

Speaker 10 But, I mean,

Speaker 10 she's going to be an absolute animal here soon.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So how did you clear the cat? How'd you officially clear Thelma after being a suspect for basically 24 hours for slandering her name? really.

Speaker 10 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I had the camera out, she wasn't even close to it.

Speaker 10 I stayed up late. I get up really early.

Speaker 10 She didn't touch the dead chicken that I left out there. She didn't touch it.
She wanted nothing to do with it.

Speaker 10 You know, and then I had a long look in her eyes, and I was like, hey,

Speaker 10 I get you.

Speaker 1 You didn't do this, did you?

Speaker 7 No.

Speaker 10 And I mean, she said it without saying it.

Speaker 1 I saw that. You had that moment where you gaze in the cat's eyes and you're like, all right, you've killed a lot of animals, but you didn't kill these chicks.

Speaker 7 It's made national news.

Speaker 10 She knows where the line is.

Speaker 1 Right. She's not going to cross it.
Right.

Speaker 7 I saw that Carrie Underwood offered to adopt the cat in case it was the cat. Is that something that you had considered?

Speaker 10 Well, I mean, Carrie and Mike did take one of our roosters, one of our small roosters that we had, just because I... didn't want it anymore.
So they did take that a while back.

Speaker 10 So if we had to get rid of the cat,

Speaker 10 I'm sure they probably would have taken it.

Speaker 1 Okay, so what's next? Like, where are we on to the owl or do we think it's something else? And have you, have you set yourself up to defend these chickens?

Speaker 10 Well, old blue's here and his sidekick, the roosters, they showed up. So they're here.
And I mean, I'm about to do another story. We're about to take to the treehouse.

Speaker 10 And I trust Old Blue, but, you know, first night, I just want to make sure everything's okay.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Who's old blue? It's his rooster. Okay.
And that you think that showed up.

Speaker 7 Yeah, you're putting your team in a position to defend the chicken. You're not pulling a Mike Martz on your chickens.

Speaker 7 You're going to go max protect on them.

Speaker 10 Exactly.

Speaker 10 We're not just, yeah, we're not seven-step dropping

Speaker 10 five protection.

Speaker 10 We're leaving the tight end, and

Speaker 10 we're going to chip the other defense in the other side with the running back. I'm going to be an intrigue half.

Speaker 10 I want Blue to have a successful night.

Speaker 5 I don't want anything to happen on his watch first night.

Speaker 10 What would that do to his confidence?

Speaker 1 He was crushed. It's true.
If you pull old blue tonight, it's going to be tough for old blue to rebound. So, wait, old blue just showed up, or you like you had it, and you brought it back?

Speaker 1 Like, how did that work?

Speaker 10 Blake, my chicken guy.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. So, Blake, your chicken guy, was like, I got the solution.
We'll bring in a rooster. He'll defend it.
Exactly.

Speaker 10 So, he brought in old blue, and then on the way over, he was like, Hey, didn't want to say it, but I caught his sidekick, too.

Speaker 10 I was like, Well, I didn't even know Blue had a sidekick.

Speaker 10 So he showed up. Old Blue's this, you know, big old rooster.
And then his sidekick is this little, like, little dwarf that crows every four seconds.

Speaker 10 But I like him.

Speaker 1 I like him a lot. Oh, what a tag team.
They're Dinkin Doink the Clown. Yeah.

Speaker 7 If you had to put your money right now on who the culprit is, do you think that it's the owl? Do you think that there's maybe a coyote or a hyena or something like that?

Speaker 10 I mean, I think a hyena is a stretch, but you never know.

Speaker 10 I'm saying saying owl or raccoon.

Speaker 1 Ooh. So are you going to be

Speaker 1 armed

Speaker 1 in the treehouse, right?

Speaker 1 Correct. Okay.
So you're ready to go.

Speaker 1 What are you bringing up there? We're not gun guys, but we want to be gun guys, aspiring gun guys.

Speaker 1 You've seen me shoot a gun. You laughed at me when I shot a gun.
Yeah. I have.

Speaker 10 Well,

Speaker 10 we've got some night vision goggles. We've got infrared scope and some

Speaker 10 223. So, like, we're going to go up there and make sure

Speaker 7 blue's okay. We're going tactical.

Speaker 1 You're going to wear night vision goggles. You need to update your Instagram all night.
You know that.

Speaker 10 Well, I know. I mean, I just did this interview with you guys, and now I'm about to climb up this treehouse and do this.

Speaker 1 I love it. So, the only other question I had, and then we have an intern, Billy Football, who was a failed quarterback in Division III football.
He was not not Billy.

Speaker 7 He's a failed wide receiver.

Speaker 1 He's a failed wide receiver in Division III football, but he has some questions. But before I do that, I have one last question about this.

Speaker 1 There are some people saying, and I'm not going to name names, it might have been me, had this thought that

Speaker 1 this was all

Speaker 1 fake and a ploy because you happened to have just incredible hair in your Instagram story.

Speaker 10 I'll send you a picture of this dead chicken.

Speaker 1 Okay. But you did have incredible hair.
You knew it. Did you know it when you did the Instagram story? You're like, oh, shit.
Of course you did. Like this hair,

Speaker 1 it's on today.

Speaker 10 I mean, it's just every day.

Speaker 1 It's just living with it every day. You just wake up and see it.

Speaker 10 It's a gift. I mean, I can't, what are you going to do with it?

Speaker 1 All right, Billy's been chomping at the bit here.

Speaker 7 I think Billy has like numerous suggestions. We'll limit him to two questions.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and we apologize for anything Billy says. Hurry up, Billy.

Speaker 2 Hi, Mr.

Speaker 9 Cutler.

Speaker 9 I think I know who the culprit is. You said that the chickens had their heads ripped off.
That's something that kills for sport. You got trash pandas.
Raccoons rip the heads off.

Speaker 9 So in my suggestion, I'm a new chicken owner myself. I saw a sign on the side of the road that said chickens $5.

Speaker 9 Chicks $5. So I got some Brahmas and an Easter egger.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 9 I would leave some cat food out, and I'm a gun guy. actual gun guy and I would just sit out there and wait for the raccoons

Speaker 1 or are you just gonna talk no I just I just wanted

Speaker 7 I just wanted to say

Speaker 9 you You definitely got a trash panda problem, some raccoons.

Speaker 10 I think you're right.

Speaker 1 I honestly do think you're right.

Speaker 1 What do you have? Why are you talking in a southern accent?

Speaker 10 Actually, I don't even think you asked the question. You just said a statement.

Speaker 1 Do you have a question? And he also is, he's a kid from New York City, and he somehow is talking in a southern accent just right now.

Speaker 1 I don't know what he is.

Speaker 10 And he has chickens and ARs.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 9 Well, I live outside the city now. Okay.

Speaker 10 But

Speaker 1 he lives in New York.

Speaker 9 What type of chickens do you have?

Speaker 10 I've got some browns. I've got some.

Speaker 5 I mean, we have now we have, like, what do we have?

Speaker 10 We're back up to 15 or 18, I think. We've got some

Speaker 10 ice bar. We've got some

Speaker 10 green layers

Speaker 10 or some East Eggers.

Speaker 10 We've got some coppers.

Speaker 10 I just got a few reds.

Speaker 1 Rhodey reds?

Speaker 1 Huh? Rhode Island Reds? That was your first question. Yeah.
Oh, nice. Yep.
Okay, yeah. You're out of questions.

Speaker 1 Do you feel good about the questions you asked?

Speaker 1 Time's up for you. Yeah.

Speaker 10 I feel like you only asked one.

Speaker 1 Yeah, two. Turn around.

Speaker 9 Thank you for your time.

Speaker 1 If you were going to ask one last question,

Speaker 9 I would offer my support in killing the trash pandas. I've gone to war with them once before.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 7 Not really a question, but thanks, Billy.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, Jay, good luck.
If everyone wants to follow him, it's if Jay had Instagram. You will be updating with the night vision goggles.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 7 I'm excited. Yeah, in the words of the great Marshawn Lynch, take care of your mentals, take care of your bodies, take care of your chickens.

Speaker 1 Blast them. Why do you guys let Billy talk?

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 1 what just happened. It's kind of fun.
I gotcha. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he just kind of spews whatever's on his mind, and it always ends up somewhere.

Speaker 7 He's harmless. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Huge fan. We do love him.
You know, everyone needs a guy in the crew who

Speaker 1 you kind of

Speaker 1 bust his balls. But at the end of the day, we love him.
We defend him against anyone.

Speaker 10 Exactly.

Speaker 1 That's why Old Blue has his sidekick.

Speaker 7 Yes, he is.

Speaker 1 Yes, he's the little rooster. Exactly.
He's Billy.

Speaker 10 I think I'm going to name him Billy.

Speaker 1 It'd be an honor. Yeah,

Speaker 1 Billy the Little Cock.

Speaker 1 All right, Blake. Perfect.
All right. Good luck, Jay.
Thanks, man.

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Speaker 1 All right, before we finish up with our documentary review, we got a quick stadium roast, never been done. The Texas Rangers unveiled their new stadium.

Speaker 1 This is unprecedented because usually when we have a shoe roast or a jersey roast, it is something that was decided between, you know 20 people at nike and 10 people at the team they sat in a boardroom group think whatever this stadium took years to build people watched it get built it had plans and everything and then they unveiled it and closed closed roof it looks like a cheap shed that you buy at home depot to like keep your garbage cans so that the raccoons don't get it instead of having to to kill raccoons.

Speaker 7 It looks like a toolbox that you would see in the back of your most sunburnt neighbor's truck. Yeah.
That cheap thin metal.

Speaker 7 It looks like a grill, a Weber grill that can't catch fire in September.

Speaker 1 It looks like a cheap

Speaker 1 one-bedroom house in like the Florida Gulf Coast that you know is going to get blown over by a hurricane. Not even a hurricane, a tropical storm.

Speaker 7 Yeah, it looks like a transformer that changes into the sail on Tom Cruise's sailboat and castaway.

Speaker 1 It looks like a transformer that just changes in, like, you know, remember when you'd have the transformers and there'd be one, like, shitty one.

Speaker 1 It's like, this transformer goes from like a garbage truck to a flatbed. Like, that's what it looks like.
Yeah, it goes.

Speaker 1 It's the most unoriginal transformer possible. Like, hey, you, you can both haul garbage and lumber.

Speaker 7 Yeah, it looks like a solar panel for the bottom of the Grand Canyon.

Speaker 7 It looks like Jerry Jones' liver.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Now that I think about it.
Yeah, right next to the. And you know what?

Speaker 1 Of course Jerry Jones did this because it's sitting right next to Jerry World.

Speaker 7 It makes his stadium look amazing.

Speaker 1 Awesome. Yes.
And I just,

Speaker 1 we've gotten to a place where it seems like every new stadium should be great. Like, every new stadium should look awesome.

Speaker 1 The new Death Star Roomba in Vegas, you can make your jokes, but it's fucking cool looking.

Speaker 7 Dude, it's awesome from the outside.

Speaker 1 All black, reflecting the desert around it.

Speaker 7 It looks sweet as hell.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, so that's our stadium roast. I still can't believe they did that.
Incredible.

Speaker 7 Just incredible. It looks like the underside of a matchbox car that's shaped like a clam.

Speaker 1 There you go. I don't know what that would look like.

Speaker 7 You ever turned the matchbox car over?

Speaker 1 And it looks like a clam?

Speaker 7 Yeah, if one of their models was like, oh, we're going to do a clam car. Clam car.

Speaker 1 The SpongeBob.

Speaker 7 There you go.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the SpongeBob clam car.

Speaker 1 All right, let's finish up our show. We got a documentary review.
Who...

Speaker 1 Hank, this is your documentary, right? Yes. Magnetic.
So. Full send.
Magnetic, full send.

Speaker 1 I don't think we could find a documentary that would be more opposite to our lives than this one.

Speaker 7 My first question.

Speaker 1 Like, you could even do, you could even make the argument that, like, Robert Durst, the murderer,

Speaker 1 closer to our lives. We could, I would murder someone before

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 surfed a 70-foot wave.

Speaker 1 Truly. Truly.

Speaker 7 Everything in the podcast or everything in the documentary was something I would never in a million years do. Surf an 80-foot wave,

Speaker 7 ski down a mountain that's never been touched by human feet in Pakistan after climbing it.

Speaker 1 Brendan Dassey is infinitely more relatable to my life than the dudes who are fucking just hanging out, jumping on rocks with their mountain bike.

Speaker 7 The parachute paragliding down from the highest mountain in New Zealand,

Speaker 7 through like crevasses and shit.

Speaker 8 In my head, I think I'm going to do that one day, though.

Speaker 1 No, no, you're not. No, you're not.
And then Joe Rogan's going to interview you. You're not.

Speaker 1 You have to be born with that.

Speaker 1 The itch, the adrenaline. I am.

Speaker 1 Adrenaline.

Speaker 8 I'm just stuck in this podcasting universe.

Speaker 1 Adrenaline can.

Speaker 8 Some of the inner me wants to be out flying.

Speaker 1 No. Yes.

Speaker 7 You want to play a video game about doing that stuff. You don't actually want to do it.
I do.

Speaker 1 The highest I get in terms of adrenaline

Speaker 1 rush is like when I play video game, when I go live on Twitch, and I probably should have taken a shit beforehand. I'm like, can I make it through this?

Speaker 7 Mine's going to be when I flush the toilet once and then don't check back afterwards. Yeah, that's my

Speaker 1 adrenaline, baby.

Speaker 1 I mean, I am a guy who doesn't have, not to brag, but I don't have a case on my phone. And that's fucking, I'd like to see one of these fucking losers who's windsurfing and doing all this shit.

Speaker 1 Walk around without a fucking case on your phone, dude.

Speaker 8 The windsurfing kit was the coolest bro of all time.

Speaker 1 Oh, he was so intimidating. And he was like, yeah, I grew up in the wind capital of Europe.

Speaker 7 Like, what? And his grandfather invented the windsurf.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 8 And he was like, Yeah, you know, I won a world championship when I was like 16, so I'm just trying to like find something to keep my mind occupied.

Speaker 1 You know what was so cool?

Speaker 7 Remember when John Kerry went windsurfing to be relatable? Oh, yeah. That was awesome.
Yes. Everyone loved that.

Speaker 1 My question: so I had the reason I picked this up, not necessarily wasn't like the highest videography.

Speaker 8 It wasn't the highest quality documentary, but it was like there's a lot of talking points, a lot of things to discuss. Which of the first,

Speaker 8 discluding the mountain biking disclosing uh

Speaker 1 which sport could you do you think you could do and survive the longest like if you're going down a surfing wave if you're going skiing if you're wind like how long none of them i mean windsurfing probably yeah windsurfing i actually because my take

Speaker 1 my take was like i don't think windsurfing is that hardcore though i don't think it's that hard

Speaker 1 just fucking hang on i said right here i think i could kike surf yeah just let the wind do all the work i watched it i was like dude all you gotta do is just let it lift you up and and then bring you down.

Speaker 8 Well, yeah, but that's what's dude, surfing, you're just holding on, and then just that's it.

Speaker 1 You know, it's not 70-foot waves,

Speaker 1 yeah. I the videography, like the or whatever, film, I what's the word there? Drone operating, yeah, drone operating.

Speaker 2 I did like, I did like that, they put those in the opening credits.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I've never seen that.

Speaker 7 The drone budget was astronomical.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so what I don't understand about this, though, is like these some of these guys do these things

Speaker 1 like like the skier

Speaker 1 that was out in the French Alps for like 35 days and then he skied down Le Man

Speaker 1 and then that was it and it was like wait with that but that was it like it was just for that one shot of drone like it's not a competition or anything I don't that seems like a lot like how does he get make money their Instagram models advertised There's no difference between these guys and Instagram models that go to famous locations and take pictures of themselves.

Speaker 7 Okay, these guys just get a sick like buzz when they do it. That was crazy.
They just get a nice little stoke whenever they go down the mountain.

Speaker 1 That was nuts.

Speaker 7 One of my favorite lines from it was I'm not in it for the money. I just want enough from sponsors to travel the world and have a good time with my friends.
It's like, yeah, that's literally everyone.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 7 We also all want enough money to hang out, chill, and travel the world.

Speaker 1 And have a good time. Also, the guy who went down Le Monde when he started, when

Speaker 1 we were introduced to him, and he was like, yeah, if I didn't find skiing, I'd probably be a criminal. It's like, what?

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 So you definitely like steal from everyone on this crew.

Speaker 7 Don't any of these guys have parents?

Speaker 1 They can't have parents.

Speaker 7 They definitely don't have kids. No, no, that guy had a kid.

Speaker 1 He had a baby.

Speaker 7 The guy that was going down the mountains had a kid? He fucking FaceTimed.

Speaker 1 What the fuck is wrong with him? Billy, did you remember that part?

Speaker 9 Yeah, and he FaceTimed the kid and was like, Daddy loves you. And then he went down.

Speaker 7 Daddy loves you, but he has to risk it.

Speaker 1 Billy didn't watch it.

Speaker 9 I did watch it.

Speaker 1 All right, what was your favorite part? You're not in the will.

Speaker 9 I liked the part with the Jetsky.

Speaker 1 How many of those can of dips did you put in?

Speaker 9 A bunch.

Speaker 9 I think I'm kind of feeling a buzz.

Speaker 7 Can a buzz. I love it.

Speaker 1 Nice.

Speaker 1 So let's talk, though, about the mountain bike bros. Hilarious.
That was

Speaker 1 that almost was,

Speaker 1 it kind of reminded me of speaking of office beginnings, the parkour. Like Michael and Dwight just going around being like, we like to just bike together.

Speaker 1 And they're just jumping up on rocks, doing an interview. Like, it's just so great.
We just go everywhere together.

Speaker 2 It's like, okay, this is

Speaker 1 the best thing. They're so good at a partner.

Speaker 8 Yeah, they're like, we're constantly evolving. Like, the best part about biking is like, there's so much units.

Speaker 1 Sorted rocks you can can jump off. That's true.

Speaker 7 As a Peloton rider, I can confirm that. That's by far the best part of smashing the high-five button and then getting a high-five back.

Speaker 7 They happen to do it in real life. When they were going up the mountain and they were just bouncing from rock to rock, that didn't even look like fun.

Speaker 8 I feel like they got a call and were like, hey, like, Netflix wants to do this documentary. And they were like, Really?

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, they were.

Speaker 2 They were like, if you want to come film us, like, okay.

Speaker 1 The producer was like, okay, we've got some great footage. It's an hour and a half long.
We really need to get it to an hour and 45.

Speaker 1 Do we have a couple bros that just roll around on their huffies all day?

Speaker 1 Okay, let's get them in.

Speaker 7 To be fair, I think they said they biked something like nine vertical miles that day.

Speaker 1 Cool. That's a lot.

Speaker 7 That's a lot of miles to go up and down. Cool.
Basically, the entire movie was just people going up to high places and then coming back down again.

Speaker 7 Just a bunch of dudes that love coming down from places. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So it was a good documentary. I liked it.
I mean, it wasn't like the most, it wasn't, there wasn't really much of a story, but the actual footage was crazy.

Speaker 8 When I got to the biking part, that's when I was laughing so hard at that. Oh, the high five.
That entire part, because it was, it was like, it was like, holy shit, I could never do surfing.

Speaker 8 Like, holy shit, I could never ski down then. It was like, these guys are just like prancing around in the fields, like open fields, like jumping off rocks.

Speaker 1 Just hanging out.

Speaker 7 Do you think that this is the longest?

Speaker 8 It was like the don't touch the lava. Like, that's like,

Speaker 1 yeah, don't see if you can, see how far you can go without touching the ground.

Speaker 7 Hank, I was going to say, I'd like to see any of these guys have the balls to compete on don't or the the ground is hot lava. Yeah.
My news is.

Speaker 1 Isn't that Gronk's new show? Oh, no, that's Netflix. It's Netflix.

Speaker 7 Yeah, it's just people trying to show.

Speaker 1 I saw he was just doing sit-ups like in the air.

Speaker 7 Yeah, that's just it. Against Serena.

Speaker 9 That's pretty cool.

Speaker 7 It is.

Speaker 7 Good point, Billy.

Speaker 1 That actually is perfect. People always like, why is Billy on the podcast? Tell Billy to shut up.
Don't let Billy talk. Billy runs the podcast.
And I see all that.

Speaker 1 I see all that. But what you have to understand is Billy speaks for

Speaker 1 the silent majority. When we say, like, Gronk's new show looks ridiculous, Billy's like, dude, it was sweet.
That's who they're marketing to. So, there you go.

Speaker 7 Do you think that that was the longest? The movie Magnetic was the longest string of footage ever put together that was Extreme Sports that did not have a single Red Bull logo in it.

Speaker 7 I think it might be. Yes, which actually gave me a drunk idea.
I feel like Red Bull should make a male version of

Speaker 7 what's the stuff that girl, personal,

Speaker 7 mital no not mid all uh just like douche

Speaker 7 a douchebag yeah kind of something like that so um it's such a funny thing that like does anyone ever call a douchebag a douchebag yeah it's an actual douchebag a bag

Speaker 1 I think it's something you just douche Red Bull should make a person you should call it like personal shower

Speaker 7 your Virginia for guys

Speaker 1 that you just like rub Red Bull scented stuff on your nouche and you're like I feel awesome now yeah you just douche it I don't know that's it sounds all right remove so remove mountain bike from the equation.

Speaker 8 You have to do one of those sports. Which one are you going to do?

Speaker 1 You have to do one of those sports.

Speaker 1 I think windsurfing is easy.

Speaker 7 Yeah, windsurfing or the guy on the sea-dew that gets it.

Speaker 1 No!

Speaker 1 Fuck that.

Speaker 7 At least I know how to drive that.

Speaker 1 That guy's actually a drink. No, dude.

Speaker 1 You don't know how to drive it like that. Those guys are crazy.

Speaker 7 I would just not go up to the wave.

Speaker 1 And also, I think they're like that those guys were insane. They might have been the most extreme of anyone.

Speaker 8 They didn't even get the enjoyment of the ride.

Speaker 1 They just fucking go off of waves and shit and just fall off their fucking sea dew.

Speaker 9 Perfect storm it.

Speaker 1 I bet you that guy fucking kept his whoop. Yep.
He probably held on to it.

Speaker 7 How about the dude at the very end that wiped out, got hit by three waves, and then got on shore, got up to the cameras, and they asked him about it. And he goes, well, he said the equivalent.

Speaker 7 I think he's from French Polynesia. Yeah.
He said full on, which is, he's like, I'm going full on now. So even he still lives a full sin lifestyle after he's dying three times.

Speaker 1 They're all legends. They're all legends.
All right, that's our show. We'll see everyone Monday.
Again, schedule for next week, Monday, Wednesday.

Speaker 1 Wednesday is going to be an extra long Dungeons and Dragons.

Speaker 1 No show Friday. Takeies, July 6th.
So see you Monday. Scott Boris, Monday.
Dungeons and Dragons, Wednesday. See you then.
Love you to extremely. Billy podcast.
Billy.

Speaker 7 Love you guys.

Speaker 7 Cain is in the building.

Speaker 7 Talking away.

Speaker 7 I don't know what

Speaker 7 to say or take

Speaker 7 anyway.

Speaker 7 Today is a mild day to find you. Shy away.

Speaker 7 Oh, I've been coming for your love of king.

Speaker 7 Shy away.

Speaker 7 I've been coming for your love of king.

Speaker 7 Needless to say

Speaker 7 I won't sit in some

Speaker 7 way

Speaker 7 Survey learning the best I can

Speaker 7 Things that say,

Speaker 7 oh,

Speaker 7 just a thing I worry.

Speaker 7 You are the things I've got to remember.

Speaker 7 You shine away.

Speaker 7 I'll be coming for you anyway.

Speaker 7 I'll be coming for you anyway.