Eric Andre, Jay Cutler, Fyre Fest Of The Week, And Magnetic The Documentary

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I mean, where else can you pair wall-to-wall hoops with hard-to-find whiskey? Only at Twin Peaks, the number one sports bar. On today's part of my take, we have comedian Eric Andre, always funny Eric Andre.
He's got a new Netflix special out called Legalize Everything. We also have our good friend Jay Cutler on the show to talk about the chicken massacre that has captivated the nation in his backyard.
We get to the bottom of that. We have Fyre Fest of what's gonna happen with sports we don't know a shoe roast of a stadium the first ever and just some friday vibes let's just have some good times let's let's kick back let's let's enjoy ourselves enjoy good company ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working nah neither has ariat a.
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Okay, let's go.

Boy!

Boy! And then a lot of stuff, work to be done. No place to hang out or wash in.
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Today is Friday, June 26th.

Friday, boys.

We're still here.

We're still.

We're still.

We're not leaving.

You can't beat me, virus.

We're not leaving.

I'm still here.

There's no sports, and we're sticking it out.

If you're not going. You can't beat me, virus.

We're not leaving. I'm still here.

There's no sports, and we're sticking it out.

And it's not going to happen, but that's okay.

You know?

Everyone's, you know, Brooks Koepka's caddy got COVID.

Golfers are getting COVID.

Basketball players.

Baseball players.

It's who's back of the week.

Jay Cutler's chicken's heads are falling off.

Yeah.

Everything's going wrong.

Things are happening.

We're still here.

We're still here.

We're going to legends right now here's uh You know what, I'll start i have an idea has anyone this is a uh not even a drunk or high idea it was just an idea um one of those one of those regular ideas a sober idea is actually more of a drunk idea than a drunk idea is people love lists right fact fact people love debating lists we got mad at a list Wednesday. Now, this is probably stupid because I'm probably going to give it away, but I think Jake Marsh is good enough that maybe he and Billy, not really helping, can do this, or maybe an AWL can do it.
Has anyone done a list of ranking all of the office intros? Do you mean the cold opens? Yes. All right, number one is, I think, the fire that Dwight starts.
Fire, uh, now I don't really even know. Now I'm on the spot of my own.
The bat's pretty good. Kevin's chili.
Kevin's chili's number one. Kevin dropped chili.
I agree with the fire one. The fire one.
That was after a Super Bowl, too, if I remember correctly. Yeah, uh, Michael hits Meredith with his car.
Stanley push-ups I saw the other night, which is very funny, when Michael says Michael says if anyone can do 25 push-ups you can leave work right now and it takes Stanley like an hour but he slowly does it and everyone's like clapping for him but we should do that, right? I have no problem doing that I think that's something that hasn't been done that like they're all so funny and we put them all together Jake, do you watch The Office? Put one in the ear hole of whoever at Netflix is in charge of making the volume on The Office intro song so much higher than the rest of the show. Impossible to fall asleep.
Yes. Makes it very hard.
I actually had a list I started to create in my head the other day. This is actually sports-related.
Now that baseball looks like it's finally coming back, we need to get out ahead of it and say which teams will have the asterisk next to it if they win this World Series. Right.
So like Nats, no asterisk. We'll just say Nats, Cubs, Red Sox.
Those are legit championships. Mets, huge asterisk.
Four? Four asterisks. For what? If they win the World Series.
Yeah, oh, just in general? Yeah. Well, unless A-Rod buys them.
Yeah, that's why I'm waffling on that a little bit. No asterisks yet.
I would throw an asterisks on, like, I would say any random team. Like, the Rays.
The Rays win it, fuck it. That's an asterisk.
This would be the most Marlins World Series ever to win. Also, what about the Indians? The Indians have the longest World Series drought now.
Do you even want to win the World Series in a 60-game series if you're the Indians? Also, what you said when they were in it a few years ago, if the Indians are in it this year, that's going to be bad news for them. Right.
Yes. Yes.
Absolutely does. It's absolutely true.
But thinking about it, it would feel. I was just thinking about this for the Browns, too.
Like if there's no fans in the stadium for the entire NFL season and the Browns win the Super Bowl, of course, as a Browns fan, you're going to take it no matter what. But still, you know, people will be like, well, they don't have to play in front of any road games.
Yeah. It's going to favor the Chargers big time because all their home games will be less of road games than they were before.
By the way, we never even talked about the fact that Hard Knocks is Chargers Rams. That's so stupid.
Well, yeah, because they don't want to travel. Well, and also they just want to stay in L.A.
and not get on airplanes. They just want to do drone shots of the fucking stadium.
They should. Well, you know what? We've seen enough shots of the stadium whenever Rich Eisen flies in out of LAX.
All of Hard Knocks this year should just be via Andrew Siciliano putting his iPhone up to the window in a 737 and just videotaping the construction as it goes over. It's just going to be a constant, I wish Phil Rivers was in this.
Yep. Goddamn.
Yeah, I like it. How dare you? You know what would be great? Phil Rivers.
How dare you do this to us once Blake Bortles and Phillip Rivers leave town? Get three signed Blake. All right, so who else on the list?

I say that if the Dodgers win and Clayton Kershaw discovers himself in the playoffs, it doesn't count.

Yep.

He's still playoff.

Yep.

Rockies.

Rockies, yes, big asterisk.

Because if you put it over a long season,

their pitchers would have gotten shelled more, whatever, I don't know, altitude.

I don't want to say that the Cardinals should have an asterisk,

but I do want to say that if you're truly the best fans in baseball, you will agree that they should have an asterisk next season. Right, right.
So that's on you to self-police on that, St. Louis.
The Brewers? Yes, I'll give them an asterisk. Yes.
Cardinals? It's a butthole. Cardinals, that's just a personal asterisk.
Yankees get one pinstripe. You get to award pinstripes to one player if you win this World Series.
No, they get to the Yankee fans can say 27 and a half rings. Okay, I like that.
They can't say 28. 26, 27 and a cock ring.
Yeah, they can't do it. They can't go all the way.
I'm also nervous about the NBA, by the way. Feels like everyone's getting coronavirus there.
The Orioles count. J.R.
Smith is back, though. J.R.
Smith is back. Yes.
The Orioles, I'm going to say that they count because I will count that as a title for D.C. Titletown.
Okay, there you go. Even though it's a totally different city.
Titletown. Right.
Towns. Title metro area.
They're pretty close. If they grease up the light poles, as long as nobody climbs up a light pole in Philly, I'll give it to you.
Did you guys see Magic Johnson's back? By the way, go download Rob Lowe's new podcast. He said we'd help out a friend.
So he had Chris Pratt. I think he taped Magic Johnson.
That will be coming up soon. How great would it be if the Blue Jays won the World Series and then they lost the Stanley Cup again? We should make them count this World Series as just rubbing salt in the wound of not succeeding at your primary sport.
Yes. So I don't know.
What else we got? I mean, the only other news I saw was Ted Ginn said that Mitch Trubisky is going to be the starter for the Bears in 2020, which did a double, like, oh, no. Ted Ginn's on the Bears? Yeah, that was the other, like, oh, I forgot Ted Ginn was on the Bears.
They signed Ted Ginn and Jimmy Graham jimmy graham because ryan pace looked at like 2013 was like if we could get this out of these guys will be unbelievable uh that's actually ted ginn is one of those guys when the draft came around everybody was like what are the dolphins doing and it turns out he's had a pretty long solid career no he's fine yeah he's just he he actually sidelines he loves running out of bounds so much you should have actually signed him a few years ago and put him in at running back yes so that he didn't stay in bounds and get tackled yeah marion barber game tebow mania ted ginn actually uh is is a victim of his own success like the reason why he drops open passes is he's so fast. He gets open.
True. And get a little slower,

dude,

because he's just been around for forever.

Right.

Right.

Uh,

anything else?

Billy,

Billy shaved.

He looks like he's fucking 12 years old now.

I looked like 45 before.

Yeah.

You just decided to shave it all off and go back to the barbershop opened.

I wasn't going to have someone else cut my hair or like who wasn't a

professional.

Yeah.

Wait, you've been getting professionals cut in your hair all this time? Barbers are professionals. True.
I just thought it was you. You're a professional.
True. Yeah.
Everyone's a professional at something. Big Ben's a professional at masturbating.
Could I be a professional bodyguard of you guys? He's retired from masturbating. Big Ben hasn't jacked off in years.
What you what are you guys i was uh we do our pittsburgh radio we we switch off weeks pft and i with our friends at dve and they asked me this morning how much do you think like do you think big ben understands what addiction means because it's very hard to believe that a quarterback could be addicted to porn and like still be a good quarterback. Do think big ben is like i was addicted to porn i jerked off three times a week yeah i think and then we all now have to say that we're addicted to porn yeah i think it's kind of like um we said on on wednesday's show which is you're not really an addict if you say that you're a former addict real addicts understand that if you addict, you're an addict for life.
It's just something that you manage and that you try not to relapse on. Correct.
But it's always going to be in there. With Big Ben, yeah, he strikes me as a guy because he was speaking at How to Be a Better Man Summit.
It was like a giant youth group for grown-ups, essentially, that he was talking to. So great keynote speaker for that one.
It's called Man think oh well actually that works yeah so uh big ben was saying like drawing back to his past experiences how he's improved as a person that's like you knew a kid back in elementary school or middle school that was like oh i'm born again i decided to become a born again christian like dude what are you talking about born again i like we play on the same little league team you chew bubble gum, you eat ice cream, and you go home. That's it.
Right. And they were like, well, I was cussing a lot, and so I had to ask Jesus for forgiveness.
And so I think Big Ben is just trying to reach out and be like, I've overcome my demons of looking at Pornhub twice a week. He basically, his diet starts Monday.
Not watching porn starts Monday. And then when you start it new,'re like i don't do that stuff anymore big ben is a youth pastor that sits down he turns his motorcycle backwards and sits down on it he's like hey guys just let me rap at you real quick about the evils of smashing that like on on live jasmine cams oh man big ben i would love to see big ben is definitely a fucking fat titty fat ass kind of guy.
When it comes to the porn he watches, you know that. You know he's gotten like the, if it leaked what he was searching, it would be like juicy 36 quadruple D's fat ass, like the James Brown tweet.
You think so? I'm going to look up right now. You think he's- James Brown tweet was the fucking funniest tweet ever.
I don't think it'd be like the James Brown tweet because that involved a personal trainer and working out. I think Big Ben is just like strictly BBW.
Sexy little brunette bitch sucking and fucking her personal trainer's big cock. Yeah.
That would remind him too much of a James Harrison video that didn't make the cut. Yeah.
Hopefully they're not kids in the car. I bet you Big Ben does the thing that you see sometimes in porn where the guy finishes where he jerks off with like two fingers and his thumb and that's it.
That's oddly specific. Yeah, it freaks me out every time I've seen it.
That's way too specific. What are you doing? All right, let's get to, let's do some Fyre Fest.
And then we were going to get to Eric Andre. Billy's got a smile on his face like he's got something big brewing for Fyre Fest.

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Fyre Fest the week.

Do we want to risk it and start with Billy?

No risk it, no biscuit.

Billy Football, what do you got?

He looks like he has something big.

Fire Fest of the Week, scabies.

I would like to bring a little awareness to scabies because...

Wait, this is your Fire Fest.

Yeah.

And what does it have scabies?

Is that like lice?

Billy has scabies.

No, I thought I had scabies, so I got the scabies cream, but then it turns out I didn't have scabies. And I just had scratches.
But I had scabies before. They're a really bad issue.
What are they? Scabies are like these little mites you catch. I caught them digging drainage pipes.
But they sneak up on you and they're super contagious. And you might not be digging a drainage dish with someone you know.
Then you catch them. When think you had scabies um he's right now billy's doing the math like thinking when can i say when i wasn't in the office so what did you think you came in this office with be honest billy i thought i had scabies on monday uh-huh and you when did you get when did you get tested or whatever so so um jake's been inching further and further away from you on that couch.
Two, if you got two, like, what looks like bites on your wrists or your ankles and they're close together, that's where the scabies dig in because they only enter one way and exit the other way. So.
They're tunnelers. They're tunnelers.
So I thought this was scabies, but really I got this from trying to build build a chicken coop but you need to make sure that if you have scabies the doctors are not going to give you the right medication they're going to give you the cream you got to make sure you get the tablets dude I'm mad at you that you came in here thinking you had I swear I'm pretty sure it was but I know it isn't because they spread, and you just think it's like athlete's foot or something because it gets your feet, but then it totally spreads to your whole body. I've had them like two years ago.
They're mites that literally burrow into your body. Anyway, some people have them for years, and you can get rid of them, but they just lurk around.
Fuck you, Billy. Billy, my firefest is you.
No, yet again, it's you. I was pretty sure I had them, but now I definitely don't.
So you were pretty sure you had them when you came into this office. And you also definitely have not gotten tested for scabies.
No, no, you can't get tested for scabies. Anyway, I took- I hate you.
The drug that you're going to want to ask for is- You're the worst. Is also a- Have you taken this drug? Yeah.
Like you're talking about a drug that you're going to want to ask for is also a... Have you taken this drug? Yeah.
You're talking about a drug that you don't even haven't taken? No, the drug is... So you haven't taken a drug.
You haven't tested. You just thought you had them.
You think you have them. You don't have them.
You don't have them. You haven't taken.
You're giving me a recommendation for something you haven't taken. It looks like Uncle Chaps' eyes.
Oh, don't say that. That's mean to scabies.
You don't want to take scabies. There's a pill that you can take.
I think it starts with an eye. What have you taken? Well, I took some ivermectin and you get it at the, like, you can get it at a tractor supply store because you can give it to horses.
What? If you can't get it from your doctor, they sell it in big tubes like toothpaste. This has now gone off the rails.
Anyway, you just got to make sure the dosage

is right. It's like one milligram for

any 20 pounds. So you just go to the tractor supply store

and get ivermectin if you think you have scabies.

What happens if you don't treat them?

They just basically

like they come back like depending on what you wear.

So in the summer, if you have your ankles exposed

a lot, they go away. Oh, so now you're

slut shaming people. No.

You're saying that there was some elements of provocative. No, if you have scabies, just wear less clothes and they'll go away if you're having trouble.
Anyway, make sure scabies awareness. Take all your clothes off.
Yes. Okay, good advice.
And send me pictures to die. No, all right.
Yet again. No, Billy.
Yet again, that is your fault. My Firefest is Billy.
All All right, Hank, your FireFest. So on, I think it was Tuesday when you were here, we did a random host on Twitch, which is where you can, we talked about it with Nick Merckx, actually, so you know what it is.
But Big Cat was getting off stream, and I was like, Big Cat, pick a random stream, whatever, we'll host them. And it's a funny thing because this guy was playing NHL.
He had like 16 viewers. All of a sudden he had 20,000.
He freaks out, whatever. Apparently he was playing in an NHL league with a bunch of friends.
One of the kids in that league, so I golfed last weekend in Braintree. One of the kids in the league was in the group of people behind me.
And this was the back nine. I had a few beers, a little hot leaf.
We were taking it easy. And I got off.
I got out of the cart, took my driver, and walked up to the green before even looking at the distance. And I realized it was a par three.
So I put the driver down, hit my buddy's club, left the driver. So I had to turn around and go get the driver from them.
So all these people were watching this kid's stream. And this kid was like, dude, we were playing golf behind hank and he hit a par three for or he hit a driver from a par three so everyone was just chirping the shit out of me okay though i do that yeah hank it sounds like you did hit a driver from par three you're still denying no no that's okay with that i like doing i hit i hit a little off i i because i i was going home and i got like a tweet being like did you really hit a driver from a par three? And I had to have one of those who is watching me moments.
I thought, how did that get out? How the fuck did that get out? Damn. And so Big Cat accidentally hosted that same person later.
The guy in the league. Totally by accident.
Crazy, crazy coincidence. Not because the guy told Big Cat, hey, I'm going to roast Hank.
No, I just found him randomly, and he also, the chat just ruined his brain. Yeah.
He thought his mic was muted the entire time. He could not figure it out.
My other fire fest, not foreshadowing or anything to do with this show or anything, but one of my comedic heroes and big influences said I had school shooter energy. When did I say that? You never said it, wasn't you? Yeah.
Yeah, it was just a... You'll see.
And you also said... Do you agree with it? And you also said he was on Comedy Central when he was in Adult Swim.
I swear. Yeah, I thought that was the same thing for a long time.
Yeah. No, Cartoon Network.
That hurt. See, all right.
That probably started the chain of events. Yeah, but when I was growing up, the channels, it was Comedy Central, then Adult Swim.
Or Comedy Central, then Cartoon Network, 6061. So that was a mistake by me.
That was a huge mistake by me. So you did know that there were two channels even then.
Yeah, but they were the same. They blended in my mind.
That's actually fair. When you have them close, you do no clumps together yeah like vh1 mtv were like 28 29

dude i'm so i'm actually worried that i'm kind of like i i will run the reps just to keep in shape

on running sports channels like fx tbs also next to each other they're very they do that on purpose

everyone should do that everyone make sure you do that once a week once a week i turn on the tv

and i just fire through all the sports channels just to keep my mind sharp on them oh i had to

find the golf channel the other week yeah it was in like in, like, the thousands, and I was up in the 30s. You got to keep your mind sharp, guys.
And I got that. I have Spectrum instead of Fios now.
I have no idea what channel the Red Zone is. How am I going to figure that out? Don't worry.
We probably don't have football. Shut up.
That was not even funny. I mean, dude, people have been saying that to me.
That's not. So what do you want me to do? You don't have to spread it along like scabies.
Fucking Billy. God damn it.
My Fire Fest of the week is that now anybody can buy a robot dog for $75,000. And so we're about to enter the age of just privately owned.
One podcast? Well, we can. Yeah, we can buy a robot.
By three after this one. Hank can buy a robot dog instead of a cat that'd be pretty sick so but I'm just I'm afraid that these robot dogs are gonna be they're gonna fall into the wrong hands yeah the people rich enough to fucking buy them 75 grand it immediately goes to the wrong people fuck the people who literally it's their it's in their benefit to have the robots take over the world and be boss of the robots.
Yeah. All of a sudden, Michael Vick shows a strong interest in BattleBots.
Mm-hmm. I think I would buy a robot dog just to keep away other robot dogs.
Is that how it works? No, I don't think that's how it works. They're not programmed to either be afraid of each other or be...

No.

When you walk a robot dog past another robot dog,

do they want to stop and play?

No, because when they hit the switch to have all the robots come together,

you're going to have a robot in your house, and he will turn on you.

You know what?

It's going to be Jeff Bezos hitting the Alexa switch.

We already have robot dog whistles inside all our homes right now, and that's going to them against us fuck that fuck alexa um all right my fire fest is uh i just we're opening the office july 6th by the way we're going to have uh monday and wednesday next week shows uh and then takeies on july 6th so no show on friday july 3rd july 3rd um we're opening the office july 6th i don't like being able to speak to people and have like conversations social anxieties through the roof we had we were in the office yesterday where there was like 30 people and it was just i don't think i'm used to just being around people it's a weird weird feeling, and I'm going to struggle with opening the office back up.

We've had this tight little group of people that are here, pretty much just us.

It's like our own little club, and now we lose it.

It's going to be very strange, but at least you know that when you see somebody for the first time,

it's not going to be a handshake.

It's going to be an elbow or a fist bump.

I think it's not even going to be that.

I think it's going to be an awkward standing away from each other like, hey. I'm just looking forward to having somebody I can say, oh, it sucks that the gyms aren't open yet, huh? I haven't gotten a lift in forever.
Yeah. That's the coolest thing you can be saying right now.
Oh, man, what the fuck? Gyms are phase four? Come on. Are they phase four? Phase four plus.
It's an extra phase. What's phase three? Phase three is doing shots with the boys at bars okay they allowed groups of males in to oh yeah look at that hey at least we're reopening there was word that we weren't going to reopen for like six months remember yeah there was there was it felt like they were we were we were screwed forever so at least we're reopening all right let's get to our interview with Eric Andre.
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Find all One Bars at a retailer near you or on amazon.com and now eric andre what's up man how's it going shout out what's up guys are we recording that's how we used to start our interviews yeah it's just with a reggaeton horn yeah Yeah, we had a reggaeton on our podcast for the first two episodes. Everyone was like, dude, we don't really want to listen to that every four minutes.
So, yeah. But that was a good start.
It's Eric Andre, and he just left. He left us looking at his houseplants.
That was Eric Andre's best interview in part of my take history. Oh, you're back.
He's back. So we have Eric Andre.
Shout out to Katie McGuire. Yes, we have Eric Andre on.
I think actually a guest that our fans have wanted on for a very long time. So we appreciate you joining us.
How much you bench? Actually, I benched today, so probably a little less right now because I'm a little sore. But, yeah, you are noticing our squat rack that we have.'s see you do five reps well this is we we basically put this in as a joke but really we're kind of like closet meatheads we're like let's just bench while we podcast i don't i don't want excuses i just want results okay how much do you bench so three four fifty four fifty that's pretty Damn.
What are you eating?

Strawberries, fifty. Four, fifty.
That's pretty good. Damn.
What are you eating?

Strawberries, blueberries.

Nice.

Nice.

Tomatoes.

That Hollywood life.

Fruits.

Yeah, fruit.

You know Hollywood.

Always eating fruit.

Getting your vitamins and shit. That's what it's known for.

You have your Netflix special comes out on Friday. Legalize everything.
No, it's out right now. What are you talking about? It's out right now.
Okay, well, we're going to run this Friday. It's out right now.
What the hell are you talking about? So watch this the minute you hear us talking to Eric Andre. Do 10 reps, dude, just for getting that wrong.
I legalize everything, though. It is out right now? Shit.
if you actually if you start the show on netflix at the same time as this interview it matches up perfectly like he's giving you bonus punch lines to it like when you're watching dark side of the moon and uh wizard of os yeah so kind of meta stuff we're getting into yes this is beautiful this is he's about to get his strawberry joke henry does your mom ever ever go, Henry? Actually, yes. Yeah, Hank is our producer, and yes, that does happen all the time.
Oh, sorry. Oh, somebody's at my door.
Hold on. Oh, it's a FedEx guy.
I get a lot of booze. Hey, how you doing? Come on up.
Are you losing your mind in quarantine? You want to see how much alcohol I've purchased? Look at my bar. I have that same bar cart.
I think everyone in the world has that. I'm building a bar.
You got it on SkyMall, right? I don't know, actually. It's the Globe.
I don't remember. I've had it for a while.
You guys don't mind taking a trip to Flavortown with me, dude? No, no. Columbus, Ohio.
Do you have a Globe that you open up and there's business? Where are we? Columbus, Ohio. Have you heard that Columbus, Ohio is thinking about changing their name? Yeah, no, I signed the petition.
Hell yeah, you did. So did I.
I started the petition. Guy Fieri's a legend.
I'm going to shout out Bitters and Bottles. That's where I've been ordering all my booze from.
It's a San Francisco company. They have fucking everything.
I live in LA. It gets to you in like 24 hours.
Did you just bring your own ad to our podcast? They don't even know me. Damn.
I've never met them. I am just endorsing like a good – I'm giving a company a shout-out, proper shout-out that deserves it.
They have been keeping me sane through quarantine, through self-medicating and binge drinking. I was going to say keeping you sane through drinking way too much yes exactly has your taste and there's no other way has your taste and booze like evolved over the last three months because you've gotten like you've drank so much that you get bored of certain liquors i'm bored of certain liquors i get um i'm always chasing new recipes i got a lot of cocktail cookbooks um And I got a juicer, so I've been making my own.
Pineapple juice, watermelon juice, yellow pepper juice. You know, when I actually, before this interview, I listened to an interview you did.
And I said to myself while I was listening to it, I was like, I don't think Eric Andre likes to be interviewed. And is exactly what I imagined it would happen.
I like this, but it's not really... I mean, blame the FedEx guy.
We're all trapped in our house. Let me just step up to our room.
I don't think he likes to be interviewed, which I actually appreciate. I think he likes having conversations.
It's free form. He just doesn't like...
We won't ask any more questions, okay, Eric? Sounds good. Well, now how do we do the interview? Oh, I saw you in 2016.
Oh, lo and behold, it's bitters and bottles. There we go.
Look at this. I don't even remember.
I order so much shit from there on there, I don't even remember what I. I'm like, oh, yeah, that bottle of bourbon.
Awesome. Now, do you order it while you're drunk? Do you wait until you get drunk and then you just keep reordering? Because that would be dangerous.
No, I actually order more sober. I mean, coffee is a drug.
So I'm always drinking coffee during the day. I actually binge order with my first cup of coffee and then mellow out when I'm drunk.
Because cocktails can... when you start getting into the more complicated ones, they become like kind of a pain in the ass.
But, yeah, you know what? This is so lame. I don't even have anything cool to show you.
I got like obscure Sherry's to mix with drinks. Because like Sherry, you never think like Sherry, dessert wine.
That's the shit my grandma drinks. But in these like cocktail cookbooks I've been getting, they've they've been using cherries as ingredients, and they add a little sweetness to the cocktail, but it's still alcoholic.
It's fucking delicious. Yeah.
Have you noticed the time that you're getting drunk move up? Because I think that's probably the sign. Oh, I'll be cards on the table.
I am coming up to one month of not drinking because I was drinking every single day, it started like okay after dinner i started drinking then it was like all right seven o'clock all right six o'clock i was like five o'clock somewhere five o'clock no drinks before five and then it was like a margarita with lunch and then and then i was like okay i'm turning into bukowski. I need to fucking – I'm going to take a month off.

And I was getting fat.

I had like a dad bod.

So I was like, I'm taking a month off.

I'm intermittent fasting.

I'm going to work out every single day.

And then I'm going to start boozing again.

So I'm going to start drinking.

That's when it's going to be the best is when you start drinking again.

It's going to be like you're 18 years old.

And that first beer that you have is going to be amazing.

My tolerance is down now.

It's going to be awesome.

I think you just described everyone's quarantine as well, where it's like like it started and it was like, fuck this, I'm getting fat and then it started to get a little warmer. It's like, oh shit, this is bad.
Eventually I'm going to have to go back to society. Well, also at first the quarantine was like, ah, it's just going to be two weeks of quarantine.
It's going to be a month of quarantine. It's going to be two months of quarantine.
It's going to be six months of quarantine. It's going to be like this for the rest of our lives.
So I think like at first you're like, yeah, fuck it. Do a crush up pills and make cocktails.
And then you're like, oh shit, this is the new normal. I have to like die.
You kind of had great timing with this Netflix special too, because it came out in the middle of quarantine. So you feel like you're working and putting something out, even though it's already been shot and it's in the tank.
So people are like, yeah, Eric Andre's busting his ass. Yeah, I'm so glad I toured and filmed last year.
I didn't predict the coronavirus, but thank God that that happened. I was almost, there was a time where we were talking about filming this year and I would have been so depressed.
Thank God I got it over with. And, you know, it's a silver lining.
People are stuck in their house. They have to watch my special.
We've been through Tiger King five times already. So we got to watch something new.
You also had a serendipitous moment because your cops joke, which you've had for a very long time, is in Netflix special and it's cops just got canceled dude it's like the quarantine and the cop apocalypse that's happening right now couldn't have happened at a better time for me it's miserable for everybody else but uh they're really uh helping uh my special I love that I love that idea of everyone's Once we get to the end of December, everyone's going to be like, uh, by special. I love that.
I love that idea of everyone's going to, you know, once we get to the end of December, everyone's gonna be like so long, 2020 worst year ever. It's like great year for Eric Andre.
Yeah. Yeah.
You're all stuck. Everybody's and my movies coming out on Netflix too.
So it's just, uh, it's a good time to be on Netflix. Yeah.
There's subscriptions went up 15 million. They're up to like 182 million subscriptions.
subscriptions jesus do you know do you know when you're going to get back to work on on the show and other projects or is everything just like a total we're finishing right now season five we finished filming in february right before quarantine started and we're finishing editing right now i deliver the final episode next week and that's going to start airing season five eric Andre show is going to start airing at the end of the year. I should get a Reposado.
I want to shout out El Tesoro. Here we go.
What are you trying to do? This is a great, great tequila. Highly recommend the Blanco and the Reposado.
I usually don't get Añejos because they're so good that I just want to sip them neat, and it's boring sipping stuff neat because I like making cocktails. But great tequila brand.
Highly recommend this, and I recommend one more. Show us your whole bar cart.
Just take us around the world. Tapatio.
Tapatio. This is good.
Underrated tequila. Tapatio and Fortaleza.
Those are kind of like my three favorites. So why are you ordering brand new bottles of liquor if you're not going to drink them? I'm going to start drinking Saturday.
There we go. Oh, nice.
Yeah, yeah. It's the end of my one month sobriety.
Look at that. That is beautiful.
I got all these bitters. I got the Coco Lopez for the pina coladas.
I'm getting into these weird fucking yuzu salt. Put a margarita rim, but don't use lime.
Use yuzu, which is like a Japanese citrus, and put yuzu salt around the rim. So are you making these for other people or just yourself? Yeah, it's me and my girlfriend.
I'm quarantining, so I'll have a couple people over for barbecue. Nice.
We'll hand sanitize, we'll stay outside, and then I'll make cocktails. Because I was going to say, it's me and my girlfriend, or I'll have a couple people.
I'm quarantining, so I'll have a couple people over for barbecue. Nice.
We'll hand sanitize, we'll stay outside, and then I'll make cocktails and shit. Because I was going to say, it's always kind of depressing if you cook by yourself, and then you make it, and then you're like, okay, well, it's just me here.
Cocktails by yourself ain't depressing. You drink that depression right away.
You know what I mean? Do you have your Saturdays? It's dangerous. I got the mezcal with the worm

at the bottom of it.

Ooh.

Do you drink the worm?

It's actually a larva of a moth

that lives in the agave plant

and it has no purpose.

It's just marketing.

It doesn't have any psychedelic qualities.

It's just a disgusting larva.

It's fucking gross.

And that mezcal's not that great.

Do you know what your first drink back is going to be on Saturdayurday do you have it planned out i have a list yes i have a list my my dad's caribbean i love rum i have like rum drinking in my blood so i'm gonna start out with a hurricane uh and you know what a hurricane is it's just like um caruba where is it it's j Jamaican rum. It's like dark Jamaican rum, four ounces, two ounce lemon juice, two ounce, uh, passion fruit syrup.
And it's from New Orleans. It's when, um, New Orleans, I think during world war II, they were having a hard time getting vodka and whiskey and all these other spirits.
They could only get access to rum because they were close to the Caribbean and the Gulf of Mexico.

So people started making hurricanes.

They get you fucked up.

So that's my first drink back.

Then I'm going to do a pina colada.

Then I have a bunch of really esoteric cocktails I found online and in my cocktail cookbooks

that I'm going to forge through.

I made a whole list.

I'm just salivating.

I find rum drunk is that volatile drunk

that if you can get to the perfect level, it's unbelievable.

But if you go one too far, you're like, OK, now I want to puke in and my stomach hurts really, really bad.

Yeah, I don't know. I could drink rum all day forever.

So happy. I think it's like ancestral drinking.

My dad's from Haiti. So like it's just like, you know is like a slave spirit like the slave molasses was considered um like industrial waste so the slave masters were just getting rid of the molasses and then the slaves were like yo if you just let that shit sit out for like six months you fucking drink the juices you get fucking lit and then white people started being like wait wait, wait, wait, the slaves are getting lit.
Let me see that shit. Fire.
We'll put a fake captain on it. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. And then pirates started drinking it and shit.
So it's just in my blood to drink rum, but I love tequila too. I just like brandy.
I can't get it. I tried brandy.
I can't get into brandy. What is brandy? Is that just like a sweet whiskey type thing brandy is anything that is i could be wrong wait don't i knew this don't let me fuck this up it's any spirit you make from fruit so peach brandy grape brandy um so wine regular spirits are made from sugar things that produce sugar like the yeast eats the sugar and poops out alcohol, and then the alcohol kills the yeast.
But brandy is made from fruit, like Pisco is a great brandy. Hennessy is a cognac.
Cognac's a region in France that produces brandy. I think that's a great brandy.
I could be wrong. It's any spirit made from fruit.
I like what you've done here because you basically became a drunk,

but you learned about it so it doesn't feel like it's degenerate.

Exactly.

Yes, it's genius.

You're like three more months of quarantine away

from starting your own distillery inside your house.

I mean, I looked into the process of distilling liquor. It is the biggest pain in the ass that i would never want to fucking do in the world it is like manual labor cutting down plants making them ferment putting them in a pot still the wash evaporates the alcohol gets on the top of this it's a pain in the fucking ass God bless anybody that wants to do it It seems miserable Can I ask a real question about your show? Yeah, I also got Cuban cigars I'm going to light those up Nice Although we had the take a few days ago I don't like cigars I never have gotten into them I don't know if it's a taste thing.
Like, what am I doing wrong? I think most suck. Cuban cigars are awesome.
Okay. The issue is they take forever to smoke.
So I'll, like, enjoy it for, like, half an hour, but I have to, like, share it with my girlfriend or something because they're, like, you're in it for the long haul. Right.
By the halfway point, you're like, oh, shit. But Cuban cigars, they're enjoyable.
I don't even smoke. I never smoke cigarettes.
I always think that why waste the money on a nice cigar when you can just get a black and mild? Because nothing will ever beat the value that you get from a black and mild. Like a wood tip, maybe the wine-flavored black and mild, that is the peak of cigars, in my opinion.
Yo, you from these streets, dog. Yeah, cuz.
I just like a wood tip maybe the wine flavored black and mild that is the peak of cigars in my opinion yo you from these streets dog yeah cuz i just like a good black and mild i don't i don't know what it is for me it's always more delicious having one of those swisher swisher sometimes but that can be too sweet hell yeah country you country country um all right so my real question wasn't about cigars. My real question was, as a comedian, as someone who's insanely creative, do you get annoyed ever seeing people kind of jack your style recently, whether it be with the video editing that you do, the style, or do you just not care? Opposite.
It's the highest form of flattery. Okay.
it's the highest form of flattery okay the highest form of flattery i was so broke when i sold my show and so ready to quit comedy i never thought i would have my own show or my own house or anything that like i am um i'm so flattered by by all that stuff i i i'm buddies with Matt Groening who created the Simpsons. And he said when the Simpsons started, it was this huge phenomenon and people started making, making those like homemade Bart Simpson t-shirts and the black Bart t-shirts and all that stuff.
And Fox at first was like, should we like stop season desist? And he's like, no, let that shit spread. Like wildfire.
People are invested into it. He's like, I love like the knock off t-shirts and the fake toy he would go down to tijuana and get like knock off bart simpson toys he's like that's the highest form of flattery and that shows how invested people this is like 1989 like 1990-91 you know what i mean yeah like you know 30 35 years ago he was like that's the best sign that's like a positive for the show.
That means that the show is going to be a hit. And here we are.
They're on episode 702, you know, and they're worth $2 billion. So, yeah, to answer your question, no, I love that.
I encourage it. I'm like so flattered.
You can definitely see you have influenced a lot of people too. Like you can see.
And I'm influenced, you know, I'm with some of my influences too i love you know like you can tell i i love tom green i love jackass i love chappelle show i love ali g show ren and stimpy beavis and butthead simpsons wonder shows and like i'm just an imagination of my influences too so we all we're all you know experiencing the same world that's a good attitude to have like like let people do their knockoff versions because at the end of the day it's just going to remind people of you yeah no i'm i'd like shout out as long as people aren't like being mean or malicious or well i'm curious about you know i think like if their if their intentions are pure then like more power to them how so that was another question i had was how are you able to that fine line because you see it now with everyone trying to get famous on twitter instagram tiktok wherever it may be prank videos uh where they just come they fall flat because they're mean or they're you know you watch it and you're like what the fuck is going on here why why this guy just go punch like an old lady and say it's just a prank right right so how are you able to find that subtle line that makes it funny well it's hard you never want to be mean you never wanted to be mean-spirited or come from a place of malice um you just want it to that's not what a prank is about a prank is about cramming absurdity

into reality and distorting the truth until you like short circuit somebody's brain you you want you want somebody to be pinwheeling you don't want them like you're not i'm not trying to ruin somebody's day ever so when i'm in character or the characters i take on in the show or whatever we did with the hidden camera prank movie like I'm always um

my my character's always like going into a situation earnestly not like haha check this

out I'm gonna fuck with this person right like the character is usually like a sad sack like I

have a bit where I I go on the New York City subway with a neutered dog cone and I have fruit

loops glued to like a spandex outfit and I enter the subway we did this for real hidden camera prank and I went to the whole train I go ladies and gentlemen I have bad news I did not get the job at Fruit Loops my body is now your communion please eat from me and I pour milk in the dog cone and I'm passing passing out spoons, and Froot Loops are flying everywhere,

milk is flying everywhere.

But that character is a sad sack

that's going through a hard time.

He didn't get the job at Froot Loops,

and he's now sacrificing his body to the people.

He's not being mean.

He earnestly is going through the melodramatic shit.

So if you play it earnestly and dramatically,

and you don't, you actually,

the opposite of comedy is playing the joke. want to like play the drama in the situation and the more dramatic you play something the more funny it is so i i think that's the key you don't want you don't want your like characters to ever be like nanny nanny boo boo back to you i'm punk rock right have you ever watched uh uh hidden camera prank back and been like oh that didn't that didn't that looks different than how i imagine it that seems mean oh yeah that's all the time i mean like you're constantly rewriting rehearsing rewriting rehearsing shooting it re-evaluating it potentially reshooting editing it.
The edit doesn't feel good or a part feels mean. You're lifting out a part that felt mean that you didn't mean for it to be mean.
So you're constantly reassessing and refining until it feels funny. But it's a process.
It's not, it doesn't happen overnight. There's another problem with like a lot of like YouTube pranksters.
Like they're not like conscious of that in the editing bay they just like film it they edit it it's just like you're watching the raw footage and it doesn't feel good you know has it been tougher now that you have a bit of notoriety more people know who you are to have guests on your show that you can genuinely prank or shock while they're getting guests yeah getting guests in the studio this fifth season was was challenging but we just avoid the demographic. We usually bring in people that are over 40.
That's a big thing. Not a lot of people over 40 know who the fuck I am.
And then in the streets, I did a body change for season five. I picked my head bald.
I gained 20 pounds. I spray tanned every day.
I went in these tanning beds every day. I bleached my teeth and shaved my facial hair.
I waxed my pubic hair. I got rid of all my body hair except my eyebrows.
So I look like a bloated Vin Diesel. Like when Vin Diesel takes off between the Fast and the Furious movies and he just starts drinking again.
And he gets all blo all bloated. Like, that's kind of what I look like for this season.

And he sings karaoke to himself.

Those videos are my favorite Vin Diesel.

What?

I haven't seen that.

Oh, my God.

You got, like, he's just standing.

I think it's in his house in front of a big projector singing karaoke to no one.

It's incredible.

He's so rich.

Like, really sad songs, too.

He's really good.

Yeah. He's making that Fast and the Furious money, dude.
He's so rich. Rihanna's Stay was the one that I remember was like, wow, Vin Diesel.
He's really letting his heart out there. I don't know.
I think he just had a karaoke phase. He loves karaoke.
You got to send me those videos. That sounds incredible.
All right. Yeah.
just shoot me your number um yeah it's uh uh 917 uh do you how many people if it let's say there's just for just for a round number let's say there's a million people that know eric andre how many of those people know you just because your gifts are unbelievable and you've become such a integral part of social media now you know that's i can't even take ownership of that that's just like those were created by the people i didn't make those so thank thank god whoever made those that's like i feel like keeping my career alive right now so uh i can't take credit for that thank you for whoever's making those yeah the the let me in white house the why would you say something so bold and then the um shooting hannibal burris yeah those are like if those probably are used those are probably top 10 that are gifts used it's that and maybe denzel washington every time someone trends and they're like oh thought this person died denzel washington no he didn didn't. I don't know.
Thank you, Reddit. Thank every subreddit.
Thank you, people. The public has spoken.
That's like the Bart Simpson t-shirt of my work, I guess. Yeah.
Keeping it going. Because it took a while to film the movie, and then the movie was going to come out in April, and then quarantine happens and that's coming out on netflix so like i had to take three and a half four years off between seasons and then we had to film the special i had a tour of the special so it's been a while since i put anything out so that's why i got a bunch of shit coming out this year um so those memes like kept my career alive yeah god bless Reddit and Instagram.
When you were at the RNC in 2016,

I was there and I was trying to get up close to Alex Jones. You somehow got up to him.
He caught me up on stage. I was being pushed back by the crowd, and then he was like, bring the Daily Show guy up here.
And I was like, I don't know what Daily Show, Wyatt Sinek, Trevor Noah, but thank God he thinks I'm the guy on the daily show. He's like, bring him up here.
What do you want to talk about? Lib Tard? You know, he had like. Were you.
Infowars.com. Infowars.gov.
Infowars. Buy my vitamins.
Prison planet.tv. I got all the documents.
Yeah. Prison planet.tv.
I got the documents. I got the emails right here.
And they're turning the frogs gay. were you a little bit afraid in that scenario because that crowd i'll put it this way that was not the most welcoming crowd for anybody it was it was it was actually the bikers for trump and there was a lot of alt-right guys there they hadn't won the election yet so they weren't as empowered as they are now but it was an open carry state so a lot of those guys.
I knew it was terrifying, but I knew I was getting some of the best footage of my career. So I was, my mind was split.
My mind was, I'm scared for my life, but I'm getting some of the best footage ever. So I just have to commit.
And then I just like got in the zone when I was up there. He's like, you're the guy from the daily show.
I was like, I'm not the guy from the daily show. I'm from MySpace.
He's like, all right, what do we want to talk about? I was like, here's my hotel key. I want you to fuck my wife.
And he's like, all right, I'll hold up now. He's like, but what hotel room is she in? Now that I'm thinking about it, is this like the golden age for not prank show, but like live man on the street stuff because there's so many crazy people that are emboldened right now i feel like there's so many crazy it's not the golden age now because the coronavirus it's like i don't want to fuck out there shooting pranks i'm glad that i did the majority of my filming the movies done filming the specials done filming season five eric hundred show is done filming thank god i got all that filming done before quarantine hit I know people that were about to go into production or halfway through production that had to shut their shows down and now they're like they're they're suffering so especially the people that were like just getting their careers started like my heart goes out to them because they can't film what can we do like I heard some people are like going to fucking oh god damn it my oven's broken and sometimes it's on and sometimes it's not on and i was just baking my breakfast i'm trying to intermittent fast and shit it's the worst it's the worst and also you just end up eating more in the time that you can eat yeah it sucks it's the worst sucks i don't know why i'm done being a fat fuck i got man boobs it's gross i got a dad bod so i'm like no i gotta fucking eat vegetables and sucks so it's a struggle that sounds awesome though that you got to gain 20 pounds and you got to do it for your job that must have been just like heaven it's awesome but at the same time you start getting depressed but it's.
Eating pizza and peanut butter jelly sandwiches at night is fucking awesome.

Drinking whatever you want, it's awesome. But, like, after a while, you're like, I'm, like, fucking my body up.

And then you're like, well, Christian Bale is, like, a psychopath.

Because I, like, had to work so hard just to gain 20, and you couldn't really.

It doesn't even look that much different. He gained 60.
He's lost 60. The guy's like – his heart's going to pop by the time he's 50, 55.
It's like – it's kind of dark. But he's the master.
So I had one last question. Our producer – Sorry to be fucking walking around.
No, you're fine. this is exactly how i figured it was gonna go uh the no you know i've done so many podcasts i did press yesterday from 6 30 a.m to 10 30 p.m jesus podcast after podcast and i was trying to be polite and not move the laptop around but then i was like i gotta eat i'm fucking starving all right so you know what cancel my last question let's do it the phone.
No, no, no, no. I want to show you Vin Diesel singing karaoke.
Oh, yes, please. Can we screen share? Can you see this or no? Bring it close to the screen share.
Laptop. I can't see it.
Hold on. Let me do enter full view.
You can do screen share, can't you? No. Listen.
I can't really see it, be honest with you. Hold on.
He's singing Stay by himself, just sitting. Yeah, Jake, put it up next to the...
Can you hear that? This is how we screen share. Yeah, screen share.
Who's filming him? I don't know. He's literally by himself with a big projector screen behind him.
He's good. It's very erotic.
Yeah. Isn't he like 5'4"? I don't know.
Have you ever met Vin Diesel? No. No, I haven't met the king.
All right, this interview's over. You should absolutely get Vin Diesel on your show.
Wait, you don't know Vin Diesel? Fuck you, dude. Yeah, sorry.
When you were doing like 12 hours or however long of interviews, does anybody ever try to do your style of interviewing back to you? This only happened once a few years ago, but it was a guy that was a buddy of mine, and I was right cut the shit johnny let's fucking get down the brass tacks here one of us has to be the straight man and sure shit i don't want to be the straight yeah that'd be tough that'd be tough like some guy just like pulls a gun on you he's like ha ha have you ever had a gun pulled out on us while we're filming the pranks for the movie me and morale that sucked you bet you ever been arrested yeah i got arrested season one of eric andre's show and i got detained season four it's basically the same thing wait what what was uh yeah but i my lawyer swooped in on that one and got me out right before i was like going to this precinct to do my mug shots, and my lawyer came to the rescue. All right, so I do have my last question.
So Hank is a huge fan. He's our producer.
He produces, when I asked about using editing skills. Lockwood! Yes.
We have a sports gambling show that I think uses some of the same types of zoom-ins and everything, right, Hank? Would that be fair to say? Can you just say can you just ask the question ask the question I just want to know what the editing process of the comedy central show was like and like what your process working with the editor was like and stuff and how many times you had to watch your like I've never been on comedy central the show is on adult swim so go fuck you sorry we'll edit that out you fucking lazy asshole he does love it's uh it's very tedious um it is not easy editing the show i'm blessed with incredible incredible editors that are very creative but we are we are creating a lot of the humor in the editing um you never want to like rely on editing to do the joke You should do your job as a writer and to write to the best of your abilities. But the editing enhances everything.
And it is, it is crucial. It is crucial to have a good editor.
It's kind of like the last stop of production. So you better like have somebody who's smart gets it right.
Yeah. You you're good you had a follow-up is there a point where you guys like go back and forth like we can't we have to stop going back and forth because we've seen it so many times that we don't even know if it's funny or not anymore yeah sometimes you get numb to it sometimes you gotta put it down but deadlines are everything so like we can't every day the editors on staff we're spending a lot of money so uh we only have a finite amount of money so we have to commit to a schedule and the pressure of the deadline is actually good and the pressure and the confines of having a limited amount of money is actually like a good thing creatively so um that kind of determines schedule and our process one other thing i like a lot about your, your humor is that you are,

you're not afraid to still pull your dick out sometimes.

Hey,

why can't I see you?

Why are you hiding behind the camera?

Why can't you just bench do like a squat press and look at me in the eye?

Where were I?

Hey,

can't bench our studio.

He's got bird arms.

Yeah.

You can't walk over to the other guys and just bench facech? Face me mano-y mano. You don't have to.
Not with a microphone. Do you want to do some curls, Hank? Nah, you don't have to.
You don't have to. Hank, we'll do 10 curls for you.
Hank, come do some curls for Eric Andre. He's going to do 10 curls so you can see what he looks like.
By the way, everyone should check out Eric Andre's Netflix special, Legalize Everything, out now.

Yes, what's up, Dad?

You like this?

Here you go, Hank.

You like this pump?

I like what I see.

Extend your arms all the way down, Hank.

There you go.

Get that deep burn.

Got the dad cargo shorts rocking the bicep curls.

Got the new balance.

Those are 10-pound weights.

This is easily worth two margaritas after this.

God bless you. Good form, Hank.
That was great dynasty beard looks handsome yeah looking good um well this has been awesome weird weird school shooter energy i like uh what was your last question that was my oh yeah one last. Wait, what's the – so you already said the first drink.
What's the last drink on Saturday? You know what? I can tell you. I have to find my – I texted my own drink menu.
This is how much of an alcoholic I am. I texted my own drink menu to myself.
Let me see if I can pull it up. I'm going to do a hurricane.
I'm going to do a best year, which is a tiki drink with vodka and blue curacao in it. It's just like hard to make.
So I want to try it. I'm going to do a pina colada, then an agricultural guava cooler.
Then this drink was sour soap juice, which is this like exotic fruit. Then a bunch of obscure drinks that no one's ever heard of.
yellow number two an exposition expedition uh a bunch of tiki drinks i like like make it a complicated drink nice you're gonna get through drink number three and be like holy shit this yeah this month off fucked me up i'm not gonna get through the whole menu well godspeed this will be a shitty interview if you die so don't die i. I won't die.
I promise you. Actually, it'd be great.
Yeah, the ratings would be great. People would definitely run these, be like, listen to how much Eric Andre was planning on drinking on Saturday.
Do you have any, like, last words that you'd like, like, just last thoughts from your brain that you'd like to be known by? Oh, God, I don't know. WWUJD, what would Uncle Jesse do? There you go.
All right, then we're going to sell T-shirts that say that. Yes.
Make a shitload of money off of his desk. All that shit.
Yeah. Yeah.
Legally, we can. Yeah, you just said that earlier.
You said you have no problem with knockoff merch. Yes.
This conversation really petered out, guys. I'm going to be honest with you.
Well, I guess it's falling apart at the seams. I think it peaked when you went and picked up the delivery.
That was the first time that's ever happened. So I love that.
We peaked in high school. Yes.
Yes. Well, Eric Andre, thank you so much, man.
We really appreciate it. Thank you, guys.
I appreciate you. Thanks for having me.
I appreciate it. I'll talk to you soon.
Have a good one. Hockey is on.

And no matter the city, no matter the team, no matter the game,

whether it's face-off or penalty shots, regular season or playoffs,

win or lose, no matter what happens happens no matter where it happens new amsterdam vodka is there okay here he is jay cutler and now for something completely different okay we now welcome on very good friend of the program recurring guest and the man who has captivated a nation because of a chicken massacre. It is my quarterback, Jay Cutler.
Jay, what's going on? How you doing, bud? I'm doing great, but we need, like, did you realize, let's start here. Did you realize when you started doing Instagram stories about the chicken massacre that the world would be like on the edge of their seat for an update on what's going on in your backyard? No, I did not.
And, you know, I got – well, we've had Instagram. You know, we've dabbled in it.
I've never really been in control of it. So I didn't really know, A, how to do stories.
I was a little petrified of it, to be honest. It took me a minute to figure out all the buttons and all the little gadgets and all the little things you can do.
But I felt like, you know, I had a chicken story. I needed to get out there.
Yeah. It looked like a pretty grisly scene back there.
When you walked into your backyard the first time, what was your initial reaction? Well, it's tough to see the ladies lying dead in the yard like that. So, you know, heads are gone.
They're taking their heads off our chickens. It's an issue.
Yeah. So, okay.
So, you go out there. out there you see that and yeah now i don't want to say that it was unfair what you did but you did accuse the cat uh what's the cat's name uh thelma thelma you accused the cat and i honestly your your initial instinct makes sense because that cat looked suspect.
But what happened next? Yeah. Well, I mean, I've watched that cat kill squirrels, birds.
I mean, you name it. The cat's a savage.
So I thought, hey, what's next up the totem pole? Where are the chickens? Why not? It's getting bold. It's a buffet for the cat.
And she's just kind of cruising around. She doesn't have a care in the world.
So I was like, hey, you probably did this. And it would probably be a message to me like, hey, I run the roost now.
It's like, no, no, you're a cat. Chill out.
I feel like if the cat's graduating from animal to animal, the move that most cats would make would be to bring the chicken's body like up to the doorstep as as a gift to you its owner have you talked to tony scheffler about the predatory behaviors of of outdoor cats because i know he's got he's got a real bastard in scouty that'll take down a few mammals yes he does he does and i mean i know that cat i mean i feel like they're all kind of like once you get a good one like that you know the the habits are pretty similar so i mean thelma thelma's a long net breed um she's still young she's still kind of figuring out some things um but i mean she's gonna be an absolute animal here soon. Yeah.
So how did you clear the cat?

How did you officially clear Thelma after being a suspect for basically 24 hours?

After slandering her name, really?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, I had the camera out.

She wasn't even close to it.

I stayed up late.

I get up really early.

She didn't touch the dead chicken that I left out there.

She didn't touch it.

She wanted nothing to do with it. You know, and then I had a long look in her eyes and i was like hey i get you you didn't do this did you no and i mean she said it without saying it i saw that you had that like moment where you gaze in the cat's eyes and you're like all right you've killed a lot of animals't kill these chickens.
Well, it's made national news. She knows where the line is.
Right. She's not going to cross it.
Right. I saw that Carrie Underwood offered to adopt the cat in case it was the cat.
Is that something that you had considered? Well, I mean, Carrie and Mike did take one of our roosters, one of our small roosters that we had, just because I didn't want it anymore. So they did take that a while back.
So if we had to get rid of the cat, I'm sure they probably would have taken it. Okay, so what's next? Are we on to the owl, or do we think it's something else? And have you set yourself up to defend these chickens? Well, Old Blue's here and his sidekick, the Roosters, they showed up.
So they're here, and I mean, I'm about to do another story. We're about to take to the treehouse, and I trust Old Blue, but first night I just want to make sure everything's okay.
Okay. Who's Old Blue? It's his rooster.
that showed up yeah you're putting your uh your team in a position to defend the chick you're not pulling a mike martz on your chickens you're gonna you're gonna go max protect on them exactly wait we're not we're not just yeah we're not seven step drop in five five five protection like we're gonna we're leaving the tight end and you know we're gonna chip we're gonna chip the other defense in other side with the the running back. I'm going to be the intriguing half.
I want Blue to have a successful night. I don't want anything to happen on this watch first night.
What would that do to his confidence? He'd be crushed. It's true.
If you pull Old Blue tonight, it's going to be tough for Old Blue to rebound. So, wait, Old Blue just showed up or you had it and you brought it back? How did that work? Blake, my chicken guy.
Oh, okay your chicken guy was like i got the solution we'll bring in a rooster he'll defend exactly so he brought in old blue and then on the way over he's like hey didn't want to say it but i caught his sidekick too i was like well i didn't even know blue had a sidekick so he showed up old blue's this you know big old rooster and then his sidekick is this little like little dwarf that crows every four seconds um but i like him i like him a lot oh what a tag team they're dinking doink the clown yeah yeah if you had to put your money right now on who the culprit is do you think that it's the owl do you think that there's maybe a coyote or hyena or something like that?

I mean, I think a hyena is a stretch, but you never know.

I'm saying owl or raccoon.

So you're going to be armed in the treehouse, right?

Correct.

Okay, so you're ready to go. What are you bringing up there? We're not gun guys, but we want to be gun guys, aspiring gun guys.
You see me shoot a gun. You laughed at me when I shot a gun.
Yeah. I have.
Well, we've got some night vision goggles. We've got infrared scope and 223.
So, like, we're going to go up there and make sure Blue's located right. We're going tactical on it.
I can't believe you're going to wear Night Vision goggles. You need to update your Instagram all night.
You know that. Well, I know.
I mean, I just did this interview with you guys, and now I'm about to climb up this treehouse and do this. I love it.
So the only other question I had, and then we have an intern, Billy Football, who was a failed quarterback in Division III football. He was no big cat.
He was a failed wide receiver. Yeah, he was a failed wide receiver in Division III football.
But he has some questions. But before I do that, I have one last question about this.
There are some people saying, and I'm not going to name names. It might have been me had this thought that um this was all fake and a ploy because you happen to have just incredible hair in your instagram story i'll send you a picture of dead chicken okay but you did have incredible hair you knew it did you know it when you did the Instagram story? You're like, oh, shit.
Of course you did. Like, this hair, it's on today.
It's just every day. It's just living with it every day.
You just wake up and see it. It's a gift.
I mean, I can't. What do you want me to do with it? All right, Billy's been chomping at the bit here.
I think Billy has, like, numerous suggestions. We'll limit him to two questions.
Yeah, and we apologize for anything Billy says. Hurry up, Billy.
Hi, Mr. Cutler.
I think I know who the culprit is. You said that the chickens had their heads ripped off.
That's something that kills for sport. You got trash pandas.
Raccoons rip the heads off. So in my suggestion, I'm a new chicken owner myself.
I saw a sign on the side of the road that said chicken's $5. Ch so i got some brahmas and easter egger anyway uh i would leave some uh cat food out and i'm i'm a gun guy actual gun guy and i'll just sit out there and wait for the raccoons you look questions or are you just gonna talk no i just i just wanted i just wanted to say you definitely got you definitely got a trash panda problem some raccoons i i think you're right i, I do think you're right.
That's a big kill for sport. All right, question two, what do you have? Why are you talking in a southern accent, Bill? Actually, I don't even think you asked the question.
You just said a statement. Do you have a question? And he also is a kid from New York City, and he somehow is talking in a southern accent just right now.
I don't know why. And he has chickens in ARs.
Yeah. yeah well i live outside the city now okay but he lives in new york what type of what type of chickens do you have um i've got some browns i've got some uh i mean we have now we have like what we have we're back up to 15 or 18 i I think.
We've got some ice bar. We've got some green layers or some east eggers.
We've got some coppers. I just got a few reds.
Rhodey reds? Huh? Rhode Island reds? That was your third question. Yeah.
Oh, nice. Okay, yeah.
You're out of questions. Do you feel good about the questions you asked? Time's up for you.
Yeah. I feel like you only asked one or two.
Thank you for your time. If you were going to ask one last question.
I would offer my support in killing the trash pandas. I've gone to war with them once before.
Okay. Not really a question, but thanks, Billy.
All right, well, Jay, good luck. If everyone wants to follow him, it's IfJayHadInstagram.
You will be updating with the night vision goggles, and I'm excited. Yeah.
In the words of the great Marshawn Lynch, take care of your mentals, take care of your bodies, take care of your chickens. Blast them.
Why do you guys let Billy talk? Because of what just happened. It's kind of fun.

I got you.

Yeah.

I got you.

That makes sense.

Yeah, he just kind of spews whatever's on his mind,

and it always ends up somewhere.

He's harmless.

Yeah.

Huge fan.

We do love him.

You know, everyone needs a guy in the crew who you kind of bust his balls.

But at the end of the day, we love him.

We defend him against anyone.

Exactly.

That's why Old Blue has his sidekick.

Yes, he is.

Yes, he's the little rooster. Exactly.
He's Billy think i'm gonna name him billy yes it'd be an honor billy the little cock all right perfect all right good luck j thanks man hey what's going on there pal we saw you at the hockey game on do i know you guys? I'm Ryan Whitney. I got a drink named after me.
Not a big deal. Pink Whitney? That's what I thought.
See you, fellas. I invented the thing, you pigeon.
Pink Whitney for legendary moments. All right, before we finish up with our documentary review, we got a quick stadium roast.
Never been done. The Texas Rangers unveiled unveiled their new stadium this is unprecedented because usually when we have a shoe roast or a jersey roast it is something that was decided between you know 20 people at nike and 10 people at the team they sat in a boardroom group think whatever this stadium took years to build people watched it get built it had plans and everything and then they unveiled it and closed closed roof it looks like a cheap shed that you buy at home depot to like keep your garbage can so that the raccoons don't get it instead of having to kill raccoons it looks like a toolbox that you would

see at Home Depot to keep your garbage can so that the raccoons don't get it instead of

having to kill raccoons.

It looks like a toolbox that you would see in the back of your most sunburnt neighbor's

truck.

Yeah.

That cheap, thin metal.

It looks like a grill, a Weber grill that can't catch fire in September.

It looks like a cheap one-bedroom house in the Florida Gulf Coast that you know is going to get blown over by a hurricane. Not even a hurricane, a tropical storm.
Yeah, it looks like a transformer that changes into the sail on Tom Cruise's sailboat in Castaway. It looks like a transformer that just changes in.
Remember when you'd have the transformers and there'd be one like shitty one it's like this transformer goes from like a garbage truck to a flatbed like that's what it looks like yeah it goes it's the most unoriginal transformer possible like hey you you can both haul garbage and lumber yeah it looks like a solar panel for the bottom of the Grand Canyon. It looks like Jerry Jones' liver.
Yeah. Now that I think about it.
Yeah, right next to the – and you know what? Of course Jerry Jones did this because it's sitting right next to Jerry World. It makes his stadium look amazing.
Awesome. Yes.
And I just, we've gotten to a place where it seems like every new stadium should be great. Like every new stadium should look awesome.
The new death star, uh, Roomba in Vegas, you could make your jokes, but it's fucking cool looking. Dude.
It's awesome from the outside, all black reflecting the desert around it. It looks sweet as hell.
So yeah. So that's our, that's our stadium roast.
I still can't believe they did that. Incredible.
Just incredible. It looks like the underside of a Matchbox car that's shaped like a clam.
There you go. I don't know what that would look like.
You ever turn a Matchbox car over? And it looks like a clam? Yeah. If one of their models was like, oh, we're going to do a clam car.
Clam car. Mm-hmm.
The SpongeBob. There you go.
Yeah car um all right let's finish up our show we got documentary review who hank this is your documentary right yes magnetic so full send magnetic full send i don't think we could find a documentary that would be more opposite to our lives than this one my first question like you could even do you could even make the argument that like robert durst the murderer closer closer to our lives we could i would murder someone before i uh surfed a 70 foot wave yeah truly yes everything in the podcast or everything in the in the documentary was something i would never in a million years do surf-foot wave, ski down a mountain that's never been touched by human feet in Pakistan after climbing it. Brendan Dassey is infinitely more relatable to my life than the dudes who are fucking just hanging out, jumping on rocks with their mountain bike.
The parachute paragliding down from the highest mountain in New Zealand through crevasses and shit. In my head, I think head i think i'm gonna do that one day though no you're not no you're not and then joe rogan's gonna interview you're not you have to be born with that the the itch the adrenaline i am adrenaline is stuck in this podcasting universe adrenaline to the inner me wants to be out flying no yes you want to play a video game about doing that stuff you don't actually want to do it i do my like the highest i get in terms of adrenaline uh rush is like when i when i play video game when i go live on twitch and i probably should have taken a shit beforehand oh my can i make it through this mine is going to be when i flush the toilet once and then don't check back afterwards yeah that's my that's my baby i mean i i am a guy who doesn't have not to brag but i don't have a case on my phone and that's fucking i'd like to see one of these fucking losers who's windsurfing and doing all this shit walk around without a fucking case on your phone the windsurfing kid was the coolest bro of all time oh he was so intimidating he was like yeah i grew up in the wind capital of europe what and his grandfather invented the windsurf yeah and he was like yeah you know i won a world championship when i was like 16 so i'm just trying to like find something to you know keep my mind occupied you know what was so cool remember when john carrey went windsurfing to be relatable oh yeah that was awesome yes uh everyone loved that the uh my question so i had the reason necessarily.
It wasn't like the highest quality. It's unbelievable videography.
It wasn't the highest quality documentary, but it was like there's a lot of talking points, a lot of things to discuss. Which of the first, discluding the mountain biking, which sport do you think you could do and survive the longest? Like if you're going down a surfing wave, if you're going skiing,

if you're winds,

like how long,

none of them.

I mean,

wind surfing probably.

Yeah.

Wind surfing.

I actually,

cause my take,

my take was like,

I don't think wind surfing is that hard.

I said,

I don't think it's that hard.

I just fucking hang on.

I said right here,

I think I could kite surf.

Yeah.

Just let the wind do all the work.

I watched it.

I was like,

dude,

all you gotta do is just let it lift you up and then bring you down well yeah but that's

dude surfing you're just holding on and then just that's it no it's not 70 foot waves yeah i

the the videography like the or whatever film i what's the word there drone operating yeah drone

operating i did like i did like that they put those in the opening credits i've never seen that

the drone budget was astronomical yes so what i don't understand about this though is like these some of these guys do these things

and they're like,

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they're like, they're like, they're like, is like these some of these guys do these things like like the skier. There was out in the French Alps for like 35 days and then he skied down Le Mans and then that was it.
And it was like, wait, but that was it. Like it was just for that one shot of drone.
Like it's not a competition or anything? I don't, that seems like a lot like how does it make money? They're Instagram models. Advertising, yeah.
There's no difference between these guys and Instagram models that go to famous locations and take pictures of themselves. Okay.
These guys just get a sick buzz when they do it. That was crazy.
They just get a nice little stoke whenever they go down the mountain. That was nuts.
One of my favorite lines from it was, I'm not in it for the money. I just want enough from sponsors to travel the world and have a good time with my friends.
It's like, yeah, that's literally everyone. We just all want enough money to hang out, chill, and travel the world.
And have a good time. Also, the guy who went down Le Mans when we were introduced to him and he was like, yeah, if if I didn't find skiing I'd probably be a criminal it's like what okay so you you definitely like steal from everyone in this crew don't any of these guys have parents they can't have parents they definitely don't have kids no no that guy had a kid he had a baby the guy that was going down the mountain had a kid he fucking FaceTimTimed with him.
What the fuck is wrong with him? Billy, did you remember that part? Yeah, and he FaceTimed the kid and was like, Daddy loves you, and then he went down. Daddy loves you, but he has to risk death again.
Billy didn't watch it. I did watch it.
All right, what was your favorite part? You're not in the will. I like the part with the jet ski.
How many of those canadips did you put in? A bunch. I think I'm kind of feeling a buzz.
Kind of buzzed. kind of buzzed i love nice uh so let's talk though about the mountain bike bros hilarious that was that almost was um it kind of reminded me of speaking of office beginnings the parkour like michael and dwight just going around being like we like to just bike together and they're just jumping up on rocks doing an interview like it's's just so great.
We just go everywhere together. It's like, okay, this is interesting.
They were like the Bash Brothers. It's so good to have a partner.
We're constantly evolving. The best part about biking is there's so much uncharted territory.
There's so many different rocks you can jump on. That's true.
As a Peloton rider, I can confirm that. That's by far the best part of smashing the high-five button and then getting a high-five back.
They happened to do it in real life. life when they were going up the mountain and they were just like bouncing from rock to rock that didn't even look like fun i feel like they got a call and were like hey like netflix wants to do this documentary and they're like really yeah no they're like uh if you want to come film us like okay the producer was like okay we've got some great footage it's an hour and a half long we really need to get it to an hour and 45 do we have a couple bros that just roll around on their huffies all day okay let's get them in uh to be fair i think they said they biked something like nine vertical miles that day cool that's a lot that's a lot of miles to go up and down cool basically the entire movie was just people going up to high places and then coming back down again.
Just a bunch of dudes that love coming down from places. Yeah.
So it was a good documentary. I liked it.
I mean, it wasn't like the most, it wasn't, there wasn't really much of a story, but the actual footage was crazy. When I got to the biking part, that's when I was laughing so hard.
Oh, the high five. That entire month, because it was like, it was like, holy shit, I could shit i could never do surfing like holy shit i could never ski down then it was like these guys are just like prancing around in the fields like open fields like jumping off rocks just hanging out do you think that this is the longest it was like the don't touch the lava like that's like yes yes don't see if you can see how far you can go without touching the ground i think i was gonna say i'd like to see any of these guys have the balls to compete on The Ground is hot lava.
My new guilty pleasure on Netflix. Oh no, it's Netflix.
It's Netflix, yeah. It's just people trying not to touch the thing.
I saw he was just doing sit-ups in the air. Yeah, that's just it.
Against Serena Wallace. That's pretty cool.
It is. Good point, Billy.
That actually is perfect. People are always like, why is Billy on the podcast tell billy to shut up don't let billy talk billy runs the podcast and i see all that might i see all that but we have to understand is billy speaks for like the silent majority when we say like gronk's new show looks ridiculous billy's like dude it was sweet that's who they're marketing to so So there you go.
Do you think that that was the longest?

The movie Magnetic was the longest string of footage ever put together

that was extreme sports that did not have a single Red Bull logo in it.

I think it might be.

Yes.

Which actually, it gave me a drunk idea.

I feel like Red Bull should make a male version of,

what's the stuff that personal?

Midol. Midol.
No, not Midol. Just like douche.
A douche bag? Yeah, kind of. Something like that.
It's such a funny thing. Does anyone ever call a douche bag a douche bag? Yeah, it sounds weird.
Like an actual douche bag. I literally don't know what that is.
I think it's something you just douche. Red Bull should make a personal.
What's a douche? They should call it like personal shower. It's aented stuff on your nuts and you're like, I feel awesome now.
Yeah, you just douche it. I don't know.
It sounds like... Alright, so remove mountain biking from the equation.
You have to do one of those sports. Which one are you going to do? You have to do one of those things.
I think windsurfing is easy. Yeah, windsurfing or the guy on the Sea-Doo No Fuck that At least I know how to drive a Sea-Doo That guy's actually suicidal You don't know how to drive it like that Those guys are crazy I would just not go up to the wave And also I think Those guys were insane They might have been the most extreme anyone.
They don't even get the enjoyment of the ride.

They just fucking go off of waves and shit and just fall off their fucking sea dew.

Perfect storm it.

I bet you that guy fucking kept his whoop.

Yep.

He probably held on to it.

How about the dude at the very end that wiped out, got hit by three waves, and then got on shore,

got up to the cameras, and they asked him about it. He goes, well, he said the equivalent, I think he's from French Polynesia.
He said full on, which is, he's like, I'm going full on now. So even he still lives a full send lifestyle after almost dying three times.
They're all legends. They're all legends.
Alright, that's our show. We'll see everyone Monday again schedule for next week monday wednesday wednesday

is going to be an extra long dungeons and dragons uh no show friday takeies july 6th so uh see you

monday scott boris monday dungeons and dragons wednesday see you then love you guys Take me off Take me off Take me off Take me off Take me off Take me off Talking away I don't know what to say I I'll say it anyway. Today's another day to find you.
Shine away. I'll be coming for your love of change.
Shine away. I'll be coming for your love of taste.
Needless to sing.

I'm all singing.

But I'll be so little with.

So long as I'll be.

I'm coming.

I'm coming.

I'm coming.