Forrest Gump Writer Eric Roth, NFL Power Rankings, Mt Rushmore Of Why We Love Dogs

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we have an interview with Forrest Gump, writer, Oscar winner, big-time Hollywood guy, Eric Roth. I'll call him a Hollywood so-and-so.
Hollywood so-and-so, Eric Roth, talk about career, talked about writing Forrest Gump, some of the other movies some of the misses, some of the ones that he thought were great interesting interview because we don't really know what it takes to write a movie even though we're trying to write a movie we have Hot Seat Cool Throne, we have a Mount Rushmore special feel-good Mount Rushmore we have guys on chicks and hank is on vacation so billy football is filling in for him with the hot seat cool throne before we get to all of that we are brought to you by the cash app part of my take is always brought to you by the cash app not only is the easiest place to send money to your friends it's the safest we want everyone to go to the cash apps twitch page twitch.tv slash cash app show them some love and follow their channel cash app streams every single week and gives out free money all you have to do is drop your cash tag in the chat when we go live so go check it out you're probably are already on twitch that's where everything's happening right now in terms of video games some sports entertainment everything is going on on twitch and if you go on twitch you can get some free money by subscribing to Twitch's, sorry Cash App's Twitch twitch.tv slash cash app drop that cash tag every single time they go live and you could win free money guacamole, moolah, talking about moolah baby, so go right now check out Twitch and check out cash app's twitch channel thank you

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now in the street there is violence and then a lot of work to be done No place to hang alone washing And then I can't blame all on the sun Oh no We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue My Take presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now and also go to their Twitch channel, twitch.tv slash cash app, where you can get free money every single time they go live by dropping your cash tag in their chat.
Today is Wednesday, June 3rd. We're here.
We're still here. Yeah, so we're going to do the regular show.
We just want to tell everyone if you missed Monday's show, Arian Foster's interview, I would highly, highly recommend going and listening to it we talked

about everything that's going on in america right now i think it uh i think the feedback was

overwhelmingly positive which i'm very happy about our listeners are the best listeners

and hopefully some minds were changed uh i i know my mind was changed instantly on we can start here

the instagram blackout tuesday two days ago that's something we would have made fun of in terms of

like, oh,

Thank you. mind was changed instantly on we can start here the instagram blackout tuesday two days ago that's something we would have made fun of in terms of like oh we solve racism by blacking out our instagram yeah pat ourselves on the back right but that he he did talk about that and discuss like sometimes showing a little sign of visibility can help people i know i've heard from a lot of our listeners and i do want to point this out that um the feedback has been 99.9% positive for the discussion even even a lot of people that were like I don't necessarily agree with everything Arian says Arian has a very unique perspective and he's done his homework he knows what the different arguments out there are against his point of view and he does a very good job of saying why he disagrees with them.
The feedback I've gotten has been amazing. And to your point, Big Cat, just letting people know that we have their back.
Yeah, we support you. In a situation like that, we support.
I definitely did not solve anything. I did not make a dent in anything by putting a little black square on my Instagram today.
But I did receive messages from people saying, Hey, I do appreciate you saying this. So that, that, that's all a bonus from there.
The biggest, the biggest thing I took away from Arian talking with him on a Sunday, small wins matter. So small wins matter.
Uh, you know, I definitely just two days ago would have made fun of a movement like that, uh, Instagram blackout movement like that, because it does feel a little pat on your back.

But guess what?

It's not about me.

It's about supporting people who are hurting right now,

and we're going to do that.

We will continue to do that.

So please go listen to the interview.

If you missed it, we will... I've even decided that after this show,

I'm going to go outside,

and I'm going to walk up to a department store window

and have somebody take a picture of me holding a drill and then hand it right back to right back to them and then i'm gonna hop in my uber how about that that woman whoo that was gotta do it for the time about her outfit or no just getting out of the beamer holding a drill limp wristed and stopping a guy who's actually trying to put up the board yeah and then hopping back in the beamer and going back to wherever she came from. You know what? It is good to get everybody together to unite and say, that is a piece of shit right there.
I think we can all agree and say that that person did. Who knows if they suck or not? What they did was a pretty shitty thing.
Yeah. So bottom line is we're trying to navigate this as best we can.
We're hoping to expand some minds whenever we can, use our platform in a good way. But we also understand that our platform is to give people a break and listen to us be idiots.
I do understand that I'm an idiot. Let's do that first by hopping right into getting mad about Peter King's rankings.
He put out his power rankings, NFL and boy am I mad are they worse than Prisco's rankings uh neck and neck okay let's start I feel like Peter King has had some some shots fired at him recently and felt the need to step his takes up Peter has always been a real milquetoast kind of guy where he's afraid to make his takes are the anti-take right which is like hey this team could team could be good-ish. Right.
And recently he sees that people are paying more attention to Prisco's takes because Prisco, Peter King thinks that he thinks things and Prisco knows that he knows things. When Peter King goes to a Thai restaurant, they're like, let's make sure we give him the least spicy dish on the menu.
Yep. All right.
So I'm going to go, I you just stop me when you when you have uh that doesn't sound right because i have a few as well all right chiefs one got it makes sense ravens two great makes sense saints three cool no problem there 49ers four bucks five i'm actually okay with this he's putting a lot stock in that. I'm okay with the Bucs being 5 because the Bucs weren't – like they had the core of a decent team last year.
They just had a quarterback that threw 30 interceptions. One thing, and a lot of offensive players that didn't make tackles on linebackers returning the interceptions for touchdowns.
I also think that the running game in Tampa is underrated. We've reached that.
It's swinging that direction in my mind where so many people are talking about Tom Brady and Gronk and Mike Evans that no one's talking about Barber and the rushing attack that they had, which was pretty effective last year. And they had a pretty good defense too.
So Bucs 5, fine with that. Seahawks 6, cool with that.
You know what I'm also cool with? I'm actually fine with Titans at 7. I'm okay with titans at seven if they can continue what they did the end of last year that's a really good team but here's what i love about having the titans at seven is you give a lot of daylight for titans fans to get pissed off about being at seven because they can be like we beat the ravens last year right but all right so here's where it gets a little spicy uh raiders at eight.
Okay. The Raiders.
All right. A team that hasn't gone to the playoffs in a while, I don't think.
Yes, they've upgraded. Yes, they had a lot of draft capital.
I think they're going to be good, but eight? Once you get out of the top five, you can tell which coaches and quarterbacks return Peter King's calls. Because that's also why Tom Brady's up there is because he calls him back.
Nine Cowboys. I'm okay with that as well.
Ten Steelers. I don't know how you rank the Raiders ahead of the Steelers when the Steelers had probably the best defense down the stretch, and then they get Ben Roethlisberger, I guess.
I guess you could say the question mark is ben roethlisberger but if he's i mean their quarterback play was not good derrick carr's ceiling is like it is like ben roethlisberger's belly so i'd i'd flip those vikings at 11 that seems i feel like as long as kirk cousins on the vikings they will always be ranked between 11 and 16 i would put them immediately at 16 yeah right that's that's the vikings but the Seahawks are always number six. Yeah, the Vikings are always number 16 Packers 12.
That's fine. Bills at 13.
The Bills should be ahead of the Raiders. Yes, the Bills.
I mean the Bills should win the AFC East this year and we haven't gotten to the Texans yet either. We oh we're gonna have to wait for the Texans buddy.
All right. So wait, Bill's at 13? 13.
That's disrespect. Okay.
There's also some Josh Allen MVP buzz that's been going around. Starting here.
Starting here three years ago. But I feel like I don't want too much pressure on that.
So I'm disregarding all the preseason buzz for Josh Allen. Okay.
So Bill's 13, Colts 14, Eagles 15. I'm actually okay.
So this is my 14 through 17 is actually the zone where you're basically saying they're going to finish either five power ranks ahead of where I'm at or five worse. Like you could see the Colts being the eighth best team or the ninth best team, or you could see them being the 19th best team.
Phillip Rivers. That's a big question.
So these four are all lumped in together I would say. The Colts at 14, the Eagles at 15, the Rams at 16 the Bears at 17.
I think all those teams are, if everything goes right, they're going to be like the 5th, 6th or 7th team to make the playoffs if everything goes wrong they will be in the top you know 12 picks yes if the bears have as many wins as they have tight ends they will jump up they'll make the seven there yeah yeah but i i think that's actually a pretty appropriate place for the bears to be for the rams the it's pretty much like they have the bones to be a good team but they have to do some things right to get there the Eagles have the bones they don't have the ligaments so if Carson Wentz can stay healthy then I think they'll be top 10 another spicy one next two spicy ones these are these are the going to be the uh dark horse teams all all summer long Cardinals at 18 which I kind of like Cardinals they're right now I'm just calling it they are going to going to be everyone's star force team. Yes, the Regis Philbin team.
Yeah, because it's going to be like, they can't be as bad as they were last year, plus year two with a new coach. And also, need to remind everyone, because I need to remind myself every two weeks, DeAndre Hopkins is on the Cardinals.
That's true, I forgot. Like, you keep forgetting, but it's the truth.
I forgot. Christian Kirk, Larry Fitzgerald, DeAndre Hopkins.
I want to hear some Kyler Murray offseason stories. I want to hear that Kyler is showing up in the best season or best shape of his life.
I want to hear that he grew two inches in the offseason. Dolphins 19, another one where I actually like that.
I think that the fact that Dolphins were trying to tank, won five games, beat the Patriots in a game the Patriots wanted to win in Week 17 in Foxborough, and still got the quarterback they were trying to tank for. I'm okay with him at 19.
Great job of trusting the process. Although it does depend who's starting.
Is it going to be Tua? Is it going to be Fitzy? Fitzpatrick's still on the roster, right? I think so, yeah. So Fitzpatrick...
Josh Rosen. I would put Fitzpatrick, if he's starting, they should be in the

top 10 for the first five

weeks of the season. Yep.
Because that's when Fitzmagic

is going to come out. Broncos 20,

they're a big question mark

team. I could see the Broncos being a really

good team, and I could see them

not, like, who knows what they're

going to be. I'd put Broncos in the, like, 12

to 15 region. I'm a Drew Locke guy.
Yeah, the

problem is when you do this, you

end up with, like,

18 teams in the 12-15 region. I'm a Drew Locke guy.
The problem is when you do this, you end up with 18 teams in the 12-15 range. Here's how it goes.
I've got a top 5, and then I've got 10 teams at 12, and then I've got a 30 and 31 and 32. Here's the shockers.
Patriots at 21. I don't know how you put a Bill Belichick team at 21.
I think you just answered the question.

I think Bill Belichick told Peter King to put him at 21.

That's one where you just, wherever you put, if Peter King,

if you're writing this down and you're doing your power rankings

and you put the Patriots at 21, you should then automatically

just bump them up like four spots because of Bill Belichick.

I think that Peter King also stumbled his way into getting page views

because he knows that Jerry Thornton is going to write seven articles about the Patriots being at 21. Texans at 22.
Okay, that's a pretty far drop. Now, to be fair, they don't have any players anymore.
So that's pretty high for not having a roster. They still have Deshaun Watson.
Chargers, well, no, they have Will Fuller for the first half of the first game. That's true.
They've got Will Fuller. They've got David Johnson.
Actually, he might get injured in the preseason. They have David Johnson.
I think David Johnson, I think that's a bad thing because you know Bill O'Brien's like, we got to feed David Johnson. And he's not David Johnson anymore.
It'll make Matthew Barry very happy if that's what the case is. If they do, in fact, have David Johnson on the team and Will Fuller for a game and J.J.
Watt. They always have a couple good linebackers.
Yeah. All right, so then we rattle off the end here.
So Chargers at 23, Browns at 24. Those teams could definitely make the playoffs.
They could also just suck. The Falcons at 25.
I'm actually going to put the Browns at 13. Oh, wow.
I'm a Browns believer. They're going back to the fullback game this year.
I like what the Browns have done, too. I think they should be higher.
But, again, once you make them higher, then you have to make everyone lower. Falcons at 25.
Peter must not realize they have literally a first-round pick at 10 out of 11 positions on offense. And they haven't played their best game of 2017 yet.
Nope. Still coming.
Lions at 26. Bengals at 27.
Jets at 28. 28 Panthers at 29 and then we finish off with Giants Redskins Jaguars okay uh Panthers I think should also be a little bit higher yeah new head coach new head coach and new quarterback in town I always bump that up like what are the what are the bottom five again uh so it goes Jets Panthers Giants Redskins Redskins, Jaguars.
Jaguars at 32 feels low. Who else would be 32? Doug Marone cried and rallied the troops.
Who would be 32? And they got Minshew Magic. 32, nobody.
Nobody should start the season at 32. Oh, wow.
Look at you. Participation trophy PFT.
That's a good question. Who would I have as my number 13? Probably the Redskins.
Maybe the R. Although, I like Ron Rivera.
Jets at 32. I actually think the Giants could, of those five bottom teams, if I had to pick one of those five bottom teams to make the playoffs, I would throw in the Giants.
Just because the NFC never makes sense. Daniel Jones, maybe he stops fumbling all the time.
I don't know. I would put Jets at 32 on the fact that Joe Flacco will not be ready for the start of the season.
Joe Judge is not Pat Shermer. Their special teams is going to be good.
That's at least like six points. So, yeah, those are the rankings.
It feels good, though, to just get mad about some rankings that mean nothing. It is weird to have a team at 32 that has a returning coach and quarterback from last year.
Yeah. But someone's got to be 32.
If you wanted to make the Raiders argument at 32, I think you could actually make an argument for that. All right.
So that's Peter King. We also have baseball maybe coming back.
Who knows? So essentially everything I understand that I've read, and it's dangerous that I'm reading now, but the owners have flexed back on the players. So the players said, we made a deal in March.
We're playing for prorated salaries of how many games we play. The owners tried to get them off of that.
The player said, fuck that. So then the owner said, oh, that deal also says how many games we can play.
So the owners get to decide the amount of games. So they say, oh, if we have to pay you prorated, then we'll just play 50 games and pay you not much money.
But it sounds like the players are kind of okay with it. Yeah, I hope that they land more like 70, 80 games.
I think 50 would be exciting, but it also would be maddening to watch a team like the Mariners are a bad case because they fell off like faster than that but I think they were 13 and 2 last year and they ended up with like one of the worst worst records in baseball and the Nationals stunk for the first 50 games is great yeah it's 70 80 I think you can weed out like you'll still have a couple teams where you can point to and say there's no way they would have lasted an entire season. But at least it can be a little bit closer to these are the good teams, these are the bad teams.
There's also something that I like about baseball being such a drawn-out season. I don't think that it should be as long as it is.
But there's something nice about forgetting about baseball for a couple weeks and then coming back to it and be like, oh yeah, here's what's happening in baseball Right. You know what I'm saying? Like getting distracted and forgetting about it.
Plus, the pace of a baseball game doesn't really seem to line up with a super fast season. Right.
Like it's a slow burn. Like football, it makes sense.
It's a fast game. It's a fast season.
Baseball, a very slow game, having every game mean a lot might be exhilarating, but it might be just kind of weird. Yeah, it will be.
We have the potential now of having, in the fall, baseball, playoffs, NBA playoffs, Stanley Cup playoffs, and then football. All in the same, like, September and October.
Clear your schedule. You're not doing anything.
It's a new season. So it's not fall.
It's not winter. September and October is just going to be sports season.
Yeah. It's going to be great all the time.
It's going to be fucking great. It's going to be the amount of money I'm going to have it play every single night makes my fucking nuts tingle.
Okay. Let's do our hot seat.
Cool throne. And then we'll get to Eric Roth.
Oh, Billy. The only time we will let you drink.
The only time we let you drink. Billy so happy right now Billy so oh he is a wide receiver folks he caught that don't shotgun it Billy Billy immediately took out his keys he was ready to fucking slam no open it like a regular human being ok open it like a regular human being Billy figured out how to press him.
Okay, open it like a regular human being. No, Billy figured out how to press a button.
Wait, wait, wait. And it starts as soon as I start reading the ad.
And you have to try to finish before I finish the ad. Okay? All right.
Billy is venting. He's venting it.
This is some fucking Elon Musk SpaceX shit. He's venting his can, his Bud Light seltzer can.
Alright, ready? Hot Seat Cool Throne is brought to you by our friends at Bud Light Seltzer. Try it for yourself and see why great tasting.
Oh my god, Billy's done. Bud Light Seltzer is putting every other hot seltzer on the hot seat.
Jesus, Billy. Go check out Bud Light Seltzer.
Billy, that was impressive. You did vent, though.
That's what you were born to do. You used PEDs.
He's so happy that we let him drink. Goddamn.
All right, Billy, you kick it off. Hot seat, cool thrown.
Hank is on vacation. I don't know if you heard.
Wally Pippet. Hank decided he's going to run away to his second home.
Which is just everywhere else besides his first home. To be fair, though, this is only his fourth vacation.

And he also gave us a big heads up like a month ago that he was going to go on vacation.

We said, we can handle without you. He did.
Oh, wait. There's no chance that Hank's going to listen to this, so let's leave a word.
Okay, so the word for Hank is chin. Chin.
And if Hank tweets us the word chin by 10 a.m. tomorrow, he's got to tweet at PFT, myself, Liam, Billy, and the part of my take account, he just has to tweet the word chin.
If he does that, that means he listened. If not, he has to get a cat.
And no one tip him off. Please.
Have you done this to me before? single episode dude what it's okay shut up all

right here we go uh hot seat cool throne hank your words chin all right billy hot seat cool throne hot seat in the mic um into the mic that seltzer's hitting me lightweight Talk into the mic.

I'm in.

It's here.

There you go.

Back up just a little.

Hot seat.

Jake Paul.

Yes.

Jake Paul Jake Paul is on a serious hot seat I am not putting him on the hot seat You kind of look like him I'm like the Waluigi to him Wait the what? He's not so true If he's Mario I'm like Wario No no no You'reigi. Waluigi.
You're the Luigi. Yeah, Waluigi.
Waluigi. No, Waluigi.
You said it right. Waluigi.
It's like when you have a really big loogie. Waluigi.
Anyway, I think I'm not putting him on the hot seat because I'm not in the... What are you talking about? Waluigi just put him on the hot seat.
You're going to defend him? I'm not defending him at all. I'm just announcing just what the internet has done to him.
You're reporting. I'm in no place to say what he did.
But anyway. Billy looks like a ball.
Let's back up a little bit. I cannot take a stand on Jake Paul.
No, I don't like him. No more seltzers for Billy.
I don't like him. There's good Pauls on all sides.
Yeah, he was running around Paul Lives Matter. He was running around a destroyed mall filming a video.
Destroyed mall makes it sound like it was already destroyed. It was part of the destruction.
Was he touring the ruins of a mall? I'm not going to start anything, but he wasn't on video destroying anything, but I could imagine. But he basically was exploiting the protest and all the stuff happening for a video, which I- Which is very Paul-esque.
That's Paul. Paul, yes.
Which is just not morally right. The Paul sees something and they're like, ooh, how can I get my- Jake Paul is the Forrest Gump of clout chasers.
He just shows up anytime there's a big event, and he's like, I'm in it too for a vlog. Yeah, and it's like, I think it's disgusting, and everyone on the internet thinks it's disgusting.
And so he's on the hot seat. He released an apology saying that, oh, I wasn't doing it.
I was doing it to document it. And I was like, I mean...
Oh, yeah, he's like a videographer. He's a historian.
He's a journalist. He's like, he's not doing a Ken Burns documentary.
I'll tell you that. Nice.
Nice. That was his fucking own.
Nice. I got it.
He's an embedded reporter in the protests. You don't dress up in all that swag and run around if you're not trying to make a scene of it.
So do we know what mall it was? Like in Scottsdale somewhere? Yeah, it was in Arizona. We should later this summer...
That's why I'm Logang. I've always been Logang.
That's his brother. We should follow Billy around in New York City pretending he's a Paul brother.
If you put a mask on, which you should be wearing, by the way, Billy, he would look like... I have a bandana.
You wouldn't not look like a Paul. Yeah, we should do that that What's your cool throne? My cool throne is also in Arizona John Bones Jones He was running around He's like legitimately He was probably the most badass man In a three state radius And he was just out there Taking spray cans And weapons from a bunch cans and, like, weapons from a bunch of, like, toothpick dudes who were just not there for any productive reason.
And it was, like, sick because you just see these guys, like, John Bon Jones runs up and they're just shitting their pants. And they're like, I just wanted to, like, you know, rage with my boys and cause trouble.
And boom, John Bon Jones. And they're just, like, absolutely getting baited by, like, the and he's probably I don't think he's in between fights I don't even know what his status right now with the UFC is but you'd have to imagine he's on a cycle or two he's always in between fights he's probably deep it's good to see him on you know showing that he can go on both sides of the law occasionally yeah so I mean honestly it looked it's like...
It's like when... What's that movie? Catch Me If You Can, where they hire Frank Avoniel at the end to be the guy that spots Forge documents.
Like, using John Bond Jones to find people that are carrying weapons illegally is actually the most brilliant pick that you can make. Think like a criminal.
It's like... So the video looks like the exact same street that, I mean, his DUI footage was from So it's kind of funny So he knows the lay of the land Like legitimately Well maybe he doesn't Because he was drunk Yeah I mean He was shooting an AK-47 Out of his Sunroof Which is kind of cool If it wasn't in a populated area Yeah Like if you're in the middle Of the desert doing that Like sick Right But people Around Use your guns in deserts but this was also in

arizona so like in my head i just had this sick fantasy where john bond jones like rolled up on

jake paul doing stupid shit and there was like some like confrontation and jake paul was just

absolutely like bitched out that would be you know how i would you know how logan paul keeps

trying to fight antonio brown yeah these two should fight and call it they should call it uh

john paul jones we have not yet begun to fight oh that's good I don't get that right it's a deep history good judge he was the cap go look it up okay we'll go look it up yeah that's gonna end up being a deep dive all right good job Billy the job way to go nailed it all right go pass out PFT what's your hot seat culture my hot seat seat is my oven, ironically. My oven ironically got roasted online yesterday.
So I made baked chicken wings because I'm a beta cuck and I'm trying to cut down on oils. And so I baked these chicken wings to get them nice and crispy.
They're not ever going to get as crispy as when you fry them. But I stumbled into kitchen online.
What is it? Kitchen Instagram. Kitchen Instagram.
Is what I ran afoul of. And I had probably 50 people telling me, bro, you should use an air fryer.
So I spent about 30 minutes just watching sick air fryer videos last night. You should get one.
They're sick. Are they? Yeah.
Do you have one? It's the only thing I know how to use. All you do is you just put the stuff in.

This is exactly what happened to me like 100 times last night.

I ended up buying one.

So I'm purchasing an air fryer.

I guess it's like-

There's always one kitchen appliance that's going to solve all your problems, like the

latest one.

Last year, I think it was the Instapot or the hot pot or whatever.

Now, I guess it's the air fryer.

So I copped an air fryer.

So congratulations, internet.

You won my ovens on the hot soup. I love it.
Can I make soup in an air fryer, Bubba? Sure. Yeah.
Anything. Okay.
Fried soup. Do anything.
Love it. My cool throne is Lenny Dykstra's public image.
Oh, yeah. So Lenny Dykstra, it was ruled by an actual court of law in the United States that you cannot libel Lenny Dykstra because his reputation is already so bad that you can't make it worse.
He's written books and he's been on the record saying the worst possible things to the point where you cannot make him seem like more of a scoundrel than he's already admitted to being, which is like the goal. Nothing you can say.
There's no, you can't damage him anymore. He's that he's done to himself.
He shot the moon with his reputation. It's become so bad that it's actually an asset.
I love it. So good job.
I mean, I kind of look at this as a challenge. Could we possibly? Yeah, we could, but we don't want to, but we could.
He's the final boss of slander. Yeah.
Anyone could try. I don't know.'t know I heard he fucked a pig Ooh I heard Lenny Dykstra fucks pigs Oh wow So that might actually get us in trouble Lenny Dykstra fucked a pig Wow Okay If PFT gets sued That was not me It would be the best Supreme Court case of all time What are you gonna do Billy? He did it to save a royal person.

What?

Black Mirror.

Okay.

Oh.

He fucked a pig to save Netflix.

There we go.

All right.

My hot seat is Phil Rivers and Roy Williams because researchers found that saying the word fuck can improve your threshold for pain.

And they actually found if you use words in place of fuck it's worse so when you say fudge or dang it or gosh darn it it's it's worse than just letting out a good fuck because you're suppressing the fuck yeah so it's like a within you so phil rivers could have been he already is a tough guy he's played through a of injuries. Could you imagine what he would be like as a quarterback if he actually said fuck? Do you think if Phil Rivers starts cussing, then he wins the Super Bowl? Probably.
Yeah. This is his final hill that he has to get over.
I'll donate $1,000 to charity if Phil Rivers just says fuck on a video. Yes.
Do you hate charity, Phil? Come on, Phil. Say it.
Just say it. Cool throw and saying con posse.
I say it cool i'll match it a thousand it's got to be a like real good fuck yeah just that's all you have to say it doesn't have to be directed towards anyone two thousand dollars bill uh all right and then my cool throne is uh dan bilzerian because he had a tweet uh after everyone was participating in Blackout Tuesday saying people are more concerned with looking like a good person than being a good person,

which would imply that Dan Bilzerian is a good person.

Dan Bilzerian is saying that other people are too concerned with their image.

Yes.

Instead of being a good person.

Also accusing people of trying to look like a good person when really the important thing is acting like a good person, which he's never done. There's no airbrush for your conscience, and no one knows that better than Dan.
What a tweet from him. Incredible.
Do we have to bleep out his last name? Yeah. Dan B.
No, we don't. Dan and B.
John B. I would die for John B.
Yeah, so that was a hell of a tweet from him. Good for him.
Like, hey, guys, stop worrying about your Instagram.

Dan Bilzerian saying that.

Stop worrying about your Instagram and social media

and start worrying about making a change in your life.

And start worrying about social media.

Stop trying to post those 10 hot chicks in your private plane

and get to fucking them.

Yeah, Dan Bilzerian is sick of everyone else

posting pictures of their lavish lifestyles.

that would be sick though if Dan

Thank you. hot chicks in your private plane and get to fucking them.
Yeah. Dan Bilzerian is sick of everyone else posting pictures of their lavish lifestyles.

That would be sick though.

If Dan Bilzerian gave up all his earthly possessions and, and became like a into the wild and then got mauled by a grizzly bear.

Oh, by the way, if you just scroll the fifth picture back is him with five women all naked with tits on Twitter, which I didn't know they allowed that, but it's pretty cool.

But yeah, going through old pics, this book going to be crazy is what his tweet was only like two weeks ago.

Good for him.

Right.

Oh, he also has.

We all evolve.

He's sitting next to, there's the Instagram model sitting like in his lap and he's got his computer out, and someone took the picture, and the headline is just, writing my book. Yes, Dan.
God damn it, Dan. Way to go, Dan.
Thank you for taking this, Dan. Hell yes, man.
All right. Let's get to our interview.
We have Eric Roth, Hollywood. He's a movie writer, wrote Forrest Gump, wrote a bunch of great movies that you know.
Interesting conversation with him. Before we do that, MeUndies.
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Here he is. Eric Roth.
Okay. We now welcome on a very special guest.
It is screenwriter, Academy Award winner. He wrote Forrest Gump.
You probably have seen it. I'd say everyone in America has seen it.
It's Eric Roth. It's my favorite movie of all time.
Well, that was going to be my first question. Is it weird? I think that if you asked everyone in America what their favorite movie is, you would win the popular vote in terms of Forrest Gump being the number one answer?

It's not.

Well,

I mean,

it feels like,

wait,

I'll show you my Oscar.

Oh yes.

Oscar in the house.

Oscar in the house.

There will be.

I really do think that though.

Oh my God. That's shiny.

How heavy is that?

Heavy.

My father,

after I won it,

picked it up and he dropped it on a table.

Did you,

when you won the Oscar,

were you like,

that's it?

I'm good.

Yeah.

I actually,

yeah,

I don't know. after I won it picked it up and he dropped it on a table did you when you won the Oscar were you like that's it I'm good yeah I actually yeah because I'm very kind of I'm basically kind of shy and um the idea of going up there to speak I wanted to throw up you know and uh but when they announced my name it just you get this giant adrenaline rush and I remember saying to myself So they can't take this away from me.
Yeah, that was sort of, yeah, that was that. It was, yeah, amazing experience.
And I remember we had had three or four previews and we were on some kind of plane home, a private plane after some giant screening in San Jose with Tom Hanks and the director, Bob Zemeckis and the studio people. And they just, they said that you will never be here again because this is like the most amazing reaction I've ever seen from a movie.
So it was like, and I don't think I obviously hadn't repeated that. I've had some nice things that have happened, but nothing like that.
Yeah. I heard a rumor that you write all your screenplays in MS-DOS.
Is that true? I do. I do.
It's a program called Movie Master that's long since out of existence. They couldn't figure out how to translate it to use it for email.
So at some point in everything, the advantage and disadvantage of it is that it runs out of memory after like 30 pages um so that's good for making act breaks so you're potentially you know where your script could be a little bit shorter than longer and then the problem is if you fuck up and don't um uh save it uh you're going to lose it right yeah it's weird i also have it backwards for some reason i have i have white type on a black page and it should be the other way around if you're going to sort of imitate a typewriter oh that's it you're like jim harbaugh the coach of michigan he writes all his plays like he scripts out his playbook and furthermore like every email that he sends he types it all up in excel and then he copies and pastes or he just like prints out Yeah, this is crazy. It's just what I got.
I'm not that I'm sort of a Luddite with this stuff. And I was just I used to I think Forrest Gump, I wrote it on typewriter, actually.
Wow. Would you say that the book is better than the movie Forrest Gump? Are you saying that? No, I think it's not even close.
I like that. There you go.
I mean, I think the author's a talented man,

and I couldn't have imagined it without him,

but I think I just took off in my own direction,

and something spoke to me.

I know when I'm good, and I know when I'm not so good.

I know the movies I've written that are good,

and those that just didn't work.

Oh, that's interesting.

So is there one that comes to mind where you're like,

I wish I could have redone that a little bit?

Yeah, like there's a movie, I mean, it's a little bit, the movie called Lucky You, which is a poker movie.

Okay. Which was with Eric Bana and Drew Barrymore that I wrote just as an original.

And I'm not much of a poker player.

I don't have the patience for it, but I like the whole idea of it.

And I even named the main character after a kind of, at that point, a well-known poker player called Huck Seed. And the movie just didn't work.
But the director, I can't speak ill of him because he had, it turned out he had Alzheimer's and he died shortly thereafter. So it was just a disappointment that the movie wasn't what I had hoped it would be.
But it could have been my fault. I mean, there's a few that probably I screwed up.
Yeah. So speaking about writing, which you just mentioned, I saw an article where you gave the five keys to writing, and number five was that writer's block doesn't exist.
yeah I've never I've never I've had places where I've gotten

sort of stopped, but I just, I just finished a script for Clint Eastwood, which he hasn't gotten it yet. I sent it in like last week and it's going through our producer, Bradley Cooper, and he's just about to read it.
So I hope he likes it. But in that i got stopped and i really and what i same thing i had always advised people was uh change the weather in other words make it rain make it snow do something different just with the weather and all of a sudden you have a different look at things you know wait so change the weather in the script or change the script in the script in the script no i can't change i'm not that i'm not that powerful well i thought maybe you're like i'm just gonna fly to alaska now and try to finish this off in the cold yeah that's a funny yeah no i uh just change away i that's all i've i've um maybe it's arrogance though i just probably have the arrogance to think i can overcome it and um i've i've always sort of know what i'm writing i know where i start and where i going to end.
The middle is kind of a big empty void. But then that's kind of what's fun about it, unless I'm doing a book or something, you know, adapting a book.
I mean, I had a great thing happen yesterday. They announced they're going to finally do this movie of mine with Marty Scorsese and Leonardo and Bob De Niro, Killers of the Flower Moon.
And it's very expensive, like 200 plus million. They joined up Apple and Paramount to do it.
So it's really exciting. I have no clue when they'll shoot this thing with the way life is going.
Is it like the Irishman too? No, it's a great true story of 1921. I'm sorry, I'm bobbing around.
1921, Oklahoma, Osage Native American tribe, the poorest people probably on the planet or at least close to it or at least in America. And they're in the crappiest land you could imagine with kind of forest there.
And they discover oil and they become one of the wealthiest people in America. And into that comes every cretin creep known to man and kill 184 of them for their money.
And into that comes this guy who was an ex-Texas Ranger and in the first class of the FBI and a pretty amazing human being named Tom White who cleans it all up. And the two guys who did plan the murders are really fascinating people.
And I'm not sure which part Leonhard is going to end up playing. He may end up actually playing one of the killers.
So we'll see. But it's an incredible story.
I don't know. People just never knew about it.
Wow. We were talking to somebody yesterday about what the schedule is going to look like for new productions in Hollywood and what the release schedule is going to look like for the next year, year and a half.
I mean, we all know that, you know, there's not a lot being filmed right now, but are you anticipating like fall of next year, winter of next year, that there aren't going to be any movies coming out? I just honestly can't tell because my partner is a doctor and she knows too much stuff that makes me nervous, you know. So because I just talked to Marty's manager this morning and I'm saying, when does Marty want to make it? He said he'd love to make it this fall, whether he can.
Maybe it's good Australia. I don't even know.
It's odd. I have a movie coming out I want to pitch kind of that six people will go see.
but it's pretty amazing that I did with David Fincher. That's going to come out in October on Netflix about the man who wrote Citizen Kane.
It's a really incredible piece. He did a black and white 30s movie.
It looks like a 30s movie and feels like one. But so I'm curious how that plays.
And then I wrote Dune, which is supposed to come out, you know, at Christmas Christmas time but one wonders what they're going to do with it because if you have to you know reorganize a theater and have only half the number of people there are they willing to accept 500 million dollars rather than a billion right right that you're a writing machine now the question that everyone I'm sure you've been asking out of time. I'm 75 years old with some pretty bad medical conditions, so I'm trying to get everything done before the end of the thing.
I'll write a note to you guys before I leave. Yes, so the question, obviously, everyone has probably asked you a million times because I know there was a rumor that it was going to happen, Forrest Gump 2.
Are we going to get back on that horse? No, that won't happen. happen I mean I'll tell you some things that were in it but I did write the script and I turned it in on 9 10 the day before 9 11 and Bob and Zemeckis the director and Forrest Hank Tom Hanks and I sat together and we looked at each other and said that's the the end of this.
The highlights in that were that he, I have him get in the back of the Bronco, you know, the OJ Bronco, and they don't see him. And he kind of keeps popping up in the rear view mirror, which is pretty great.
And I have him invent the wave in sports. Okay.

Kind of getting up to call a peanut bender or something.

That's fantastic. And everybody follows suit.

I have him as a ballroom dancer, like an expert at it,

and eventually dances as a kind of just, because she's there.

He dances for the Queen and Princess Diana.

And then he dances with Princess Diana and ends up, you know, you do those kinds of things. And this poor woman ended up, you know, this way.
And, uh, I'm trying to think what else, uh, to space, right? He went to space, right? No, that was in, that was supposed to be in the first, that was been the book. I never did that.
Okay. I love these though.
If you have any others, I love these. Uh, he, um, I have he um i have him um uh uh he's supposed to have been um oh he he finds his calling in life he ends up calling bingo on a native at an indian reservation um and he meets this woman he lives within a trailer and uh the end of basically toward the end of the movie, he waits for her every day at the,

at a federal building.

Cause she teaches in the nursery school there and he's sitting there and the

whole building blows up behind him.

It was the Oklahoma city bombing.

Now that was,

you know,

sort of the most horrible thing I could think of in,

you know,

humankind.

And then nine 11,

of course happening.

Right now this has happened.

You know? Yeah. So I'm trying to think what else was in the movie um uh uh his the boy the little boy dies of AIDS um early on in the movie uh lieutenant dan gets shot he runs for he uh runs for congress and gets shot and killed um uh there's all i mean there's all sorts of stuff that I think ends up being pretty spectacular.
But I think nobody had their stomach for it anymore, you know. Yeah.
I don't miss it. I mean, it's like it was a lovely once in a lifetime kind of thing.
Yeah. I have some questions actually about the movie Forrest Gump, some things that I've always wanted to know about it.
When Forrest gets up at the Vietnam protest speech and they pull the cables on him, what does he say in that speech that we don't get to hear? Okay, well, I'm so glad you asked one of the great stories. I think it's a great movie story.
So I tried to write a really serious speech, right, about my feelings about the war and what, you know, it meant to a guy who fought in it, et cetera, et cetera. And so it didn't quite work for the director.
And he said, here, you either have to write the greatest dramatic speech ever written, like a Shakespeare thing, or something really funny. And I said, okay, I'll try it.
So I wrote the best I could dramatically, and he didn't dig it. And then I tried to write something funny.
I'm not by nature a comedian and I asked Billy Crystal to try he tried it Robin Williams tried it I think John Lovett might have tried anyway a bunch of comedians I had that I knew quite well they tried it didn't work so what he did Bob was have him step up to that microphone and do exactly what you see have somebody pull the plug so you can't hear what he saying, because I never wrote the thing properly. And it's pretty genius because he has that guy who's supposed to look like Abbie Hoffman next to him, you know, the radical guy who disappeared and all.
And Abbie Hoffman's the only one who hears it who says, you've said it all, man. So that was a true story.
And I love that. Zemeckis is a wacky guy.
He's pretty clever. That's great.
My other question was, did you cry when you wrote Forrest's Speech to Jenny's Gravestone? Yes, I did. I remember I wrote it in, we have a house in Whistler, Canada.
I remember being alone there. I cried at that.
And I was very moved when the kid, you know, he says he's a kid kind of stupid like me you know yeah um yeah there are things i cry i do i it's kind of embarrassing when i write some of this stuff like um uh and i i do the dialogue like out loud if you walked in the room you think i was completely a moron you know it's like uh it sounds so terrible Well, I'm not an actor, but certain things are like in Star is Born.

I said. moron you know it's like uh it sounds so terrible i'm not an actor but uh certain things are like in um star is born uh i said to the woman that i was who i'm living with uh something i looked out the window and said i said her name and i said and she turned around i said i just want to see you again i just wanted to see you look at you again and then i put that in like stars born yeah friday cooper says it after her so sometimes you can use your own thing what writing a movie like Stars Born where it's been done three times before is that harder or easier that was tough I was four times I think and it's like it scared the hell out of me I thought maybe I made a giant mistake right no when I said yes Bradley was very persu and i loved working with him um he and i really we were texting each other scenes and dialogue at four in the morning so it's not that neither of us sleep um and lady gaga you know her voice is from god you know so uh yeah that worked i mean it's just uh they said i said i'll write you a love story and hope people you know feel it yeah so i i't know how many people know this about you, but you also wrote Ali, which is another great movie.
And you got to spend some time with Muhammad Ali as you were writing. I had known him of a sort.
I mean, when I was a kid, I boxed golden gloves and stuff because I was getting my ass kicked on the way to high school every day and um in uh in Bedford Stuyvesant and um uh so when I I went and I used to work out at the Gil Clancy's gym and then the pros would come on in the afternoon and I'll lead you and I would stay and watch him and also met like Leroy Neiman there remember the uh the painter who did all the sports stuff and anyway so for years we you know on about it. And I also, by chance, had met Ferdie Pacheco in another incarnation.
And so when the chance came to write that thing, I mean, I think Muhammad said to Michael Mann, the director, I want Eric to write it, which was really nice. He called Eric the writer, he called me.
And he was a wonderful man. At that point, it was because of the parkinson's but uh uh i want to do um you'll find this interesting i think um when i was researching the movie a little bit but even though i knew a lot about boxing um and in the movies a scene with where he fights jerry quarry if you remember jerry quarry um he was kind of a blown up light heavyweight, really.
And it was Ali's first fight back from the Vietnam thing, which I'll tell you a very quick story, because I had asked Angelo Dundee about this, and I thought he was one of the great men on earth, Angelo. And Angelo was very upset that Ali didn't, you know, go to Vietnam.
But he said Angelo had fought and think his brother did too, in a terrible battle in World War II called Anzio, where a lot of people died, like maybe 50,000 people died. And Angelo said, you know, I realized finally that that's the reason I fought in that battle, so somebody like Ali could have the choice to go into a war or not.
Yeah. It was really a pretty amazing, brave guy.
But we were talking about Ali. I lost my train of thought.
I was curious to know when you were writing that movie and dialoguing and having some conversations with Muhammad, was it important to him or did you get a sense whether he wanted the movie to focus more on what he did in the ring as opposed to what he did outside the I think he wanted everything. And we had the whole point of view of, you know, him being surveilled by the government and everything.
My biggest problem with that movie, which was not, I think the movie is really terrific, but, and I thought Will Smith did a hell of a job and everybody did, but there's that great documentary. When we were kings and we started writing, I said to Michael Mann, the director, I said, I've never been able to top that.
You know, that's just so real and touching. But I think we kind of screwed up the ending if I had to redo the movie.
You know, I think the movie, I think, could have had a more effective ending. But I thought we I thought we did a good job of it for something that was a difficult like that.
That's interesting, because when we were kings, I if it came out now, I think people would be like, holy shit, this is the greatest documentary ever. It came out before documentaries kind of had their boom.
I remember my my father made me watch it. He was like, you have to watch the documentary.
but that's interesting that like something like that can not affect,

you know,

uh, remember my my father made me watch it he was like you have to watch the documentary but that's interesting that like something like that can not affect you know uh your writing but you at least acknowledge it and like hey i'm up against just an incredible piece of work i never thought i could top that there's just something so visceral and real and poetic about it you know and uh when your mind's not a documentary you know the thing i'm i'm kind of proud of uh i'm more than i'm proud of the first 12 minutes that movie doesn't have a word of dialogue and it's just uh um what's his name uh singing um uh the guy who got shot going in the in a motel window um i forget this but uh it's a brilliant piece of filmmaking by Michael. I mean, where you get everything that you want to know about, of Ali without a word, just a song over.
That's pretty amazing. It's him doing a live performance.
And I don't know why it escapes me his name right now. Cause he's a great, great performer.
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And now here's more Eric Roth.

A little birdie told me that you are a big horse player.

Is that true?

Do you love the ponies?

I do.

Yeah, I'm kind of hooked.

Yeah.

How often?

I had a bad day today.

I didn't win a bet today.

Did you have church? Where did you play? Gulfstream and Churchill Downs. Me too.
Did not win a single bet. I gave up on Churchill on the weekend.
Yep. Gulfstream, I've been doing amazing because you should get these guys, Mike, the workout report.
Okay. If he gives a B-plus workout, they're 75% winners.
I'm telling you. And I've hit some big stuff recently, you know.
But I think I'm about to give up playing golf strength and move on, just play San Anita. I think I've been playing too many tracks at once.
That's absolutely – when you have the moment where you look up and you're like every seven minutes you have a race, that's usually a sign like, hey, maybe let's cool down. your, what do you usually play? You just play straight.
You play exotics pick. I like to play, uh, uh, since this came into being, I love playing pick five.
Same. But I, today I think I got, I had three pick fives that didn't get out of the first, uh, leg, which is the most demoralizing thing.
Yeah, that was terrible. That's why I usually all the first leg and the last leg.
That's what i try to do and it depends how much money i'm going to invest but if i can all the if i can find two singles you know one race this one's the wind i'm just telling people who don't know that thing and then i have three alls you can really you can you know as they say in horse racing shit on yourself yeah i mean there's nothing better than than having the end of a pick five and having an all, and you can just root for the longest shot. That is the best feeling.
Yeah, that's exactly right. And at some time, like last week or a couple weeks, for some bizarre reason, I'm always alive when they give the giveaway and the pick six at Gulfstream.
I've hit it a whole bunch of times, and I hit it like three weeks ago. Yeah.
But I got so lucky because I had all on one ticket and another ticket had like seven horses and I missed that. I would have missed on that.
Oh, wow. There's nothing better.
You can't all you can't beat all. I like I like this makes me feel better when I talk to someone who also likes the ponies, who's infinitely smarter than I I am because it's like, Hey, you know what?

Like if you're doing it and you have an Academy award,

you're looking at your Academy award for Forrest Gump and you're playing a pick five at Gulfstream and losing just like me.

I think I have a bigger thrill,

but look,

it can get,

it can get bad for people who get it way in over their head,

you know,

and it's a,

it's a,

it can be an illness,

obviously.

You were,

I was going to say, you were mentioning that you hang out with Al Michaels a little bit out there. Is he a party guy? I actually didn't know him until now three months ago, really.
Well, I did know. He used to go to Vegas the same time I did for my birthday.
He would go with a guy named Hank Goldberg, who you may remember, the horse race guy, and a guy named David Israel, who was a pretty well-known sports writer in L.A. And they'd go, I think, for Al Michaels' birthday.
I could be wrong, but somehow we always ended up together. We ended up at a craft table together.
We both love crafts. And so recently with the pandemic, I've been walking.
I've been walking with Al and Tom Werner, who owns one of the owners of the Red Sox. And Al's the greatest storyteller.
He's unbelievable. He strikes me as a guy that plays the ponies, too.
He loves to play the horses. He's crazy.
Yeah, he's a pretty interesting dude. I like him very much.
He's a nice man. Yeah.
I didn't realize, you know, when you talk to him, he, first of all, knows sports, you know, chapter and verse, every sport, and he's announced almost every sport. He announced the Belmont Stakes for like eight years in a row, which I never knew.
I didn't realize that. Plus baseball, World Series, and obviously the hockey.
I'm a hockey guy like he is. We both love we both love the king yeah so growing up on the east coast now you're out on the west coast are you you still retain your new york fandoms yeah i do i do i mean i can't i mean i i realized i was at a dodger game like this year i think last year and uh uh last year obviously uh that i probably was one of the few people who actually went to Ebbets field in the whole ballpark.
I mean, except for maybe Tommy Lasorda, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Vince Scully isn't around anymore doing it.
So I remembered really well. My grandfather was a little Russian guy who never really spoke great English, but called the Peewee Reese.
He loved Peewee Reese.

And he'd buy an Apple box.

It costs you like literally a quarter or something.

And we stood on Apple boxes out in the right field bleachers, basically,

and watched the games.

And I went to one World Series game with them where I think it was 1956 or 7.

And the whole team I could still remember, you know, like yesterday. but I could still remember what it felt like to be at that ballpark.
Wow. But that just says I'm old.
Yeah, it's fascinating. And you, you actually, I mean, you have some elements of Forrest Gump in your life.
You, you were college friends with Jim Morrison. Is that correct? Yeah.
Very good. Very close friends close friends yeah I still have a jacket when when you meet a guy like that did you know right away like this guy has it no except for I thought this guy's lucky look how great looking this guy he's gonna score all the time you know yeah one of the memories I had of him was um uh I was sitting at the Hollywood, and people have to know what that looks like, but empty Hollywood Bowl, and he's rehearsing.
It was just him singing, and I was sitting with his manager, a guy named Todd Shipman, and it was unbelievable. He was singing, you know, L.A.
Woman. You know, I was like, I'm still friends with John Densmore, the drummer.
Yeah. Jim was a complicated guy.
Let's put it that way. Yeah.
Yeah. Jim, actually, I'll tell you a quick story about him that he, I'm trying to think of the guy's name now.
The guy's brother's a doctor, a dentist in L.A. Anyway, he wrote a book about it.
This guy was a young man. He was like literally 13 years old and he was a Doors fanatic he was playing little league baseball and uh the umpire said if you hit a home run i'll take you to a doors concert right and he did hit a home run he got the doors that's the story anyway he then decided he wasn't going to school anymore he went and hung out they used to have a recording studio on sunset in santa monica when i drive by i, I'll never forget just coming out of there.
And he went there like almost every day. And finally, the door's manager said, you can't be here.
You're a 13-year-old. You've got to get the hell out of here.
So he went outside, and he was sitting on a bus bed crying. And Jim Morrison pulled up in his car, dropped off, whatever.
And he said, what are you crying about? said i just he just told me i couldn't be here anymore he said fuck him you're he's fired you're our new manager and it's a true story they let this kid manage them when he was 13 or 14 years old and he went on to manage like iggy pop and a couple other people um he was pretty well known i don't know if he he really did anything but were going to Fincher wanted to make that into a movie and the guy from Limp Biscuit was going to direct it Fred Durst? Yeah I liked him he was a pretty great guy and nothing happened with it we were going to do sort of movie like you remember the French director of Truffaut about sort of people growing up what it feels like to grow up anyway I thought a great story. That's fair.
I would have loved to see a movie directed by Fred Durst. Yeah.
I wish that had happened. Fred Durst, yeah.
Fred came out to my house a bunch of times, and he has a son named Cowboy. And Fred's a...
He's an interesting dude, I'll tell you. I mean, I was never a fan one way or another of his music, particularly he he certainly uh he's cutting edge and i remember him sending me i don't know if he wants to have me say this but pretty outrageous photographs of him with women from like lift away from some concerts he was at there you know is he still rocking the backwards red hat all the time i don't know i haven't seen him i mean we we out of the blue he like would text me you know and then we we talk through that we just haven't gotten together i just thought he was a great guy interesting i want to jump back to uh one thing that you mentioned was the beginning of ali where it was i think it was sam cook that was singing right sam cook is exactly right yeah great great singer uh the use of montages in movies has always fascinated me because from a writing perspective, it's almost like a cheat code where you're like, okay, I get to eat up three minutes of this script.
That's right. Well, you're very smart.
I mean, first of all, that started with the Russian Sergei Eisenstein, a movie called Battle of Potemkin, a battleship Potemkin. He began with the montage, but, you know, it's like you can't tell someone's whole life story.
It would take you, you know, if it's 30 years of a guy's life, it could take you 30 years. So you have to figure out ways to do impressions of things in people's lives, right? And so you have to condense that to two hours or whatever.
So that's exactly what a montage does. And I used to call these, I don't know what they call them, like round delays, where you'd have something in the middle and then three or four things going on around it, where you keep cutting back and forth.
Ali has that in it. Is there a limit to how many montages you'll put in a movie? I don't think there's, I think you don't want to do too many because it's sort of like, it's a little bit of a cheat and it starts getting a little too familiar i think it's okay to intercut though which are almost like montages where you have some central piece of action they do this always in action movies and stuff where you're going back and forth between so you have a tension between what's going on here's an idea what about a movie that's just one montage hour and a half long montage well i think, I think that'd be okay, but I think you feel like it'd look like a commercial.
Yeah, true. Commercials are cool.
Some can be great. I mean, I think you could – I don't know if you could do an hour and a half one.
I mean, the opposite of movies like Andy Warhol used to make, like a movie called Sleep, right? He had a guy sleeping for 18, whatever, eight hours. Yeah can go in anytime i'll tell you amazing movies i don't know why you reminded me of this is that there's a movie called the clock that an artist did an english artist and they show it at museums and what he did was take from every movie he could find he had people research it like let's assume uh he's looking for something that says either on a watch or a clock, 11, 14.
And every minute he has another shot from a movie that shows the time. And he does it for 24 hours.
It's pretty amazing. Wow.
Pretty amazing. So there you go.
That's something close to what you're suggesting. Yeah.
What about the movie 1917? Isn't that, is that like a little bit of a cheat too, where you don't have to worry about writing like exterior, setting up new shots and stuff since it's all one shot? I don't know if it's a cheat. I mean, I think everything's trying to find a way to dramatize things, you know? So classic structure is three acts, right? Shakespeare did four acts, but you have, you have your setup, right? You know, present the problem, complicate the problem, and then solve the problem.
That's basically what writing is, you know, and the third act, your catharsis, you know, something, and then you either do it by within the characters themselves, or what they call deus ex machina, you bring in a sort of god in a machine is that literally translates to, that you're just going to solve this by some magic, you know. But my scripts are particularly long because I'm a frustrated novelist.
And so it's like Brad Pitt had a great line for me once. We were doing a read-through of Benjamin Button.
And he said, look at Eric, he's got a prose boner and so but I've written scripts with like the 70 80 pages too well you know in other words if you can tell it in a short period of time that could be better what's uh since you've been in the industry for so long and you know all these movies you've written some of the best what are if you had to pick five movies to take with you those are the five movies you can watch for the rest of your life and no other movies what are aircross five movies can't be your own yeah i think those are hard but i think definitely godfather 2 not without it without a question um 2001 okay space odyssey Okay. Amac the fellini movie which you may or may not know um uh then you're gonna get me maybe citizen kane maybe um and the fifth one the fifth one has to be the last decade the last oh from from 2000 yeah 2000 to 2010 to 2020 for your last one um it's the fight club in that era yeah we'll count that yeah it's modern that's close enough i would take the fight club yeah okay david fincher's uh beyond i mean of everybody i mean i i haven't i haven't made a movie with Marty.
We've done a few warm-ups, you know, and I gave him the book of The Irishman, which is called Here You Paint Houses. But David Fincher, to me, is the best, let's say Marty and him, best living directors.
David's unbelievable. So it sounds like you know everybody in Hollywood, just like the names that you've listed in the last 20 minutes.
Well, I've been around for almost 60 years. Who's the most famous person right now in Hollywood that you don't know? That I don't know? I don't really know Quentin Tarantino.
That would be off the top of my head. I don't know.
Some of the younger directors I don't really know. I don't know Damien Chazelle.
I've met him, but I don't know. Some of the younger directors, I don't really know.
I don't know. Damien Chazelle, I've met him, but I don't know him.
I mean, I literally, I've been around so long. I worked for John Wayne.
I did a treatment for John Wayne at one point. Wow.
But that's just age, you know? Yeah, but it's, I mean, it's incredible. Oh, I mean, you guys, you guys 30 years from now can talk about all the sports people you knew and everything blake portals yeah true yeah you guys were immortal you guys were immortals yeah exactly um this has been fantastic i have one last question and uh mind you we can totally cut this out if it's too like personal or anything but i think is all answered the only thing i don't want it i won't usually i mean everybody says you should write a memoir and i know too many things about people that i wouldn't do it because i'd have to tell the truth and it would be too hurtful yeah so the the question i was going to ask and again you can just say cut this out but um you were you were involved in the bernie madoff scam money.
Yeah. What was that moment like where that shock, because I think a lot of people go through it in their head, and they're like, oh, my God.
I had two reactions. One was my business manager said, are you sitting down, right? This was almost like Christmas Eve or something.
Yeah. He said, all that money's gone.
I, so I mean, I was upset by it. But on the other hand, I thought the whole thing was weird anyway, because I got involved.
I think I didn't invest really on the money. I mean, for me, it was a lot of money, like $10,000, let's say.
But each, every four years, you got these statements where you had like, I think we ended up supposedly having like $12 million, $15 million. dollars you know but on the other hand it's like a weird thing with uh it was like a bad it's like a short story you know i'm saying like but i i never did a penny i did nothing to earn it i knew nothing about anything with uh financial stuff and i i didn't even know what the guy was doing i mean it was a guy named stan chase chase who ran the operation in the operation in Los Angeles and Hollywood.
He had a lot of Hollywood people. I think Spielberg got involved and Jeffrey Katzenberg and other people.
People lost some real money. I was explained that he was doing some sort of thing called an arbitrage, which was sort of middling like blue chip stocks

and you get a percentage of it.

It was all bullshit.

But I didn't really care.

I said, look, if he's winning this money playing games, betting sports and doing it, good for

him because it kept showing these profits.

Right.

But I thought they were kind of ridiculous without, you know, you're getting 25% on your

money every year. Right.
Which is, you're doubling every four years. It's like ludicrous.
Right. Yeah.
So the money, though, I did think was retirement, you know, and then there it went. Oh, well.
Yeah. Yeah, that's got to be quite a conversation to have to like just sort through that mentally.
Might take you a couple days to wrap your mind around. Yeah.
No, it was. Yeah.
I think a little money back actually did you like did you go and read the books or like get fascinated with it even though it was pretty close i thought i just was a sucker for a ponzi scheme you know yeah i mean it was actually in a way i hate to say this because he he took so much money from people with charities and stuff it's sort of good good for him in a way. It was like he built a great con.

Right.

But,

uh,

nah,

I,

I didn't have any,

I just thought it was just pretty,

it was pretty clever.

I mean,

they're psychologically genius because they,

they literally would just send over a fax machine,

uh,

uh,

uh,

uh,

a completely just,

there's no,

nothing fancy.

They didn't send you big kind of brochures or anything of how you're doing. They piece of paper and it just said on it my my company was called Vanessa Corporation at the time or something and it just said how much money you had in there how much you made as profit how much you know that kind of thing and then they wouldn't let they wouldn't let um I said well this is too good to be true but maybe it's true and I And I try to get my dad involved.
And the other thing, they wouldn't take any new people. It's just your investment, period.
Wow. Yeah, it's a pretty clever thing psychologically.
I think it just appealed to greed. Yeah.
One thing I've noticed a lot recently is that there are a lot of biopics that come out. And some of them come out while the person is still alive and their story is still very much being told.
And then there's the other, which is like the retrospect. Maybe they've been passed away for a couple years, and kind of their legacy has time to cement itself a little bit.
If you're writing that person's story, is it more difficult to write about somebody who passed away 20 years ago, or is it easier to write about somebody who's still alive and can very much be like a source material? It depends on the lives. I think they're both possible and probably I have to find some way in on both of them.
I mean, I did a screenplay that's probably never going to see the light of day, but on a guy who's alive, who I love and David Geffen. And, you know, and he's alive.
And, you know, I know him, as I said, I adore him, warts and all. So we did some of that.
And so that was just a, that had the advantage of this man who, aside from being so wealthy, but did really good things for the planet. And also was so instrumental in the music music that was basically the soundtrack of my life.
You know what I'm saying? So that one was the music that really appealed to me. Other biographies, I mean, I think, I'm trying to think, Ali was obviously that guy.
He meant so much to me. I mean, I think the main thing about writing anything like Boner dogs which i'm working on um right what you have to have passion you have to have passion about it you know you you should if you could you just write boner dogs and then bury it somewhere and then in like 30 years we'll go find it and then that will be its own movie us finding the script how you get but maybe i just leave you clues on how to find it there you go imagine if we just did a documentary about finding the script yeah instead of boner dogs we just do a documentary about it exactly so it's like you know like national treasure one of those movies yes yeah well i'll have to do somehow involved with sports though yeah that's sort of what we're calling this barstool radio about right right yeah yeah and there's you just fill it you're just killing time now before sports start up again right exactly right i was with tom werner today uh he came over to talk and it was like they seem to actually maybe be moving toward getting baseball going in some way they would like to yeah it's complicated like every sport hockey seems very possible yes and basketball seems like it's going to happen as well yeah and then i i don't know i don't know anything about it but al michaels felt pretty serious if football is going to happen but what you like it or not yeah the nfl doesn't.
They're just going full steam ahead. That's what I wondered.
Don't they have any protocols? No. What virus? Yeah.
Rub some dirt on it. That's their protocol.
Guess what you won't be thinking about when it's 1 o'clock on a Sunday and you fire up the Red Zone channel, the coronavirus. So they know that.
By the way, hello. I mean, it's like even I, and this is cruel, but I remember seeing a thing about like Tony Dorsett.

I think maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he has that CTE.
I think he might.

Anyway, I was reading on the Internet some story about some famous football player who had it.

And my eye went to the right that said the greatest runs in whatever's NFL history and forget forget about the CTE. I was watching these runs, and I said, that's pretty rotten.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's true. The NFL definitely plows right ahead.
Well, my partner being, as I said, a doctor and pretty savvy, so we sometimes watch, and I won't mention names, but I like to watch those training camp things, the hard knocks. They're pretty great.
And the one on the Raiders was amazing. And she could tell you people who have CTE already because they start acting, start believing in demons and things, and it's pretty tragic.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what's better than NFL football? Nothing, nothing, nothing.
This has been great. We really appreciate your time.
Yeah, absolutely. We didn't talk any sports.
What the hell? It's been awesome to talk about. We'll do it again.
We'll talk about next time gamblers. Yes.
Like poker players. Yes.
Like Kobe Maguire. Yes.
Yeah, we'll leave something on there so we can do it again. Wait, wait, wait.
Do you have a poker game, a Hollywood poker game? No, I don't. I just enjoy watching.
I know that Tobey Maguire is the best poker player in America. There you go.
And I could tell you also stories about a lot of Vegas guys, you know, like lunatics, you know. Yeah.
But I just find it it fun but it's not my life yeah fascinating yeah um tell you what we'll let you go we'll let you get to work on boner dogs and uh yeah no i know i'm just the title sequence is almost done perfect that's what i want to hear um well thank you so much we really appreciate it i love this yeah this is so funny i love that my son said said this episode so ridiculous absolutely that's how we get to a lot of our guests to be honest you've had the best you had Kukulman on here yeah yes yes you know him he's a good friend I only know him on telephone but I think he wrote the best gambling movie ever written probably rounders he told us what the last hand was do you know it no I don't know it well enough well thank you so much we uh you're always welcome back on so we'd love to do it again sometime i love i'll do it anytime you want i love this you guys stay safe okay no no illness yeah you too you too that interview with eric roth was brought to you by our great friends at zip recruiter their focus. During this time of change, we want you guys to know that ZipRecruiter's focus has not.
They're still doing what they've always done, helping people find work and helping businesses find the right people for their open rules. Right now, there's probably no better time to go out there and get great talent for your company.
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In fact, ZipRecruiter's app is going to send you up-to-date job openings so you can be one of the first to apply. If you're looking for a job right now, I know a lot of people are, ZipRecruiter can help you out.
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Let's work together. ZipRecruiter.com slash work together.
Okay. Oh, before we get to Mount Rushmore, we are reviewing Sour Grapes on Friday's show.
Sour Grapes? Sour Grapes. I'm told it's a documentary about a young man who swindles professional wine collectors.
So that sounds good to me. How can you watch it? How can the people watch it? I know it's on Netflix.
Okay, Netflix. I don't know where else, but it's on Netflix.
Boom. Boom.
All right.. So, Sour Grapes Friday show.
Get ready for it. Let's do Mount Rushmore.
We're going to do a Mount Rushmore in honor of Billy Football getting a new puppy. Mount Rushmore of Things We Love About Dogs.
So, Billy, we will let you start. We'll have Billy start, PFT, then myself, then we'll come back around.
Billy, Mount Rushmore of things we love about dogs. Okay, so something my new puppy does is that he's got these huge paws because he's going to be like 120 pounds.
And right now he's really small. So whenever he runs really fast, he falls over and does a somersault but is able to get back into running.
And it's like the cutest thing ever. When they trip and recover.
Yeah, it's awesome. Okay.
Yeah, that's pretty cute. I love how puppies are so resilient, and dogs are resilient in general.
If they fall down, nothing phases them. Good pick, Billy.
Good pick. My first one, I'm going to go with their greetings.
A dog greeting. Nothing like it.
If you've been away from your house for a long time You come back home, the instant your dog Sees you and recognizes you It makes you feel like you're the best person in the world Okay That was a pretty easy one there I had that as well I'll go The inquisitive ears Slash look you know like your dog's like trying to learn something new and they give you that sideways glance head tilt oh the best the head tilt and the ears those ears pop up and she's like what's that yeah the head tilt is so cute yes um all right uh my second pick i will go with when they just when they simply just hop up and sit next to you lay next to you curl up next to you and they're like let's just have some good time where we just kind of just chill and you pet me and I'm just going to chill here we're going to have fun it's one of those moments where you know that they love you as much as you love them it melts your heart your heart. Yeah.
Good old times with the dog just sitting on the couch. I want to pet me right now.

All right.

PFT.

My next one, I'm going to go with something that we've talked about on the show before,

the smell of their feet.

I love a good dog foot smell.

We call it the free toes because it smells like corn chips and it's on their little nails.

It's so cute.

Yep.

My next pick, sort of in the same vein as is big hat but when they pick up on your emotions it's like when you're sick and your dog knows and lays down next to you yeah or you know there it's like something happens and you're kind of like tweaking out and they just like run up to you and just like be like yo what's what's going on chill out yeah i like that billy went there like when you're tweaking heavy off pre-workout and your dog can tell and it's lifting time it lifts it puts its chin on you to calm you down to reduce your heart rate is that it oh yeah one oh snake trap snake trap um snake trap snake snake uh when you haven't done cardio recently and it makes you take it for a run so that you can listen to that body fast that's one of the reasons I got a dog when they are shy so my puppy he's really shy so like the first dog you ever met was like a shih tzu and it's like a 15 pound dog and my dog is like a 20 pound puppy and he like was totally scared of this tiny shih tzu and you like it when dogs are, no, no. But tail between legs, shy, ran behind me.
And I was like, this is a freaking fluff ball. Okay.
I will say that there was one time that I took Leroy to a dog park. And a Chihuahua got buck at him.
And Leroy at the time, I think, was about 180 pounds. Yeah.
And the Chihuahahua was 3 or 4 pounds and Leroy ran across the entire park with his tail between his legs and hid behind me and then everyone was laughing at him and he didn't know but it was cute it was so cute good choice I'm going to go with when they're eating food when you fed them and they take a few bites and then they turn around and they look at you and wag their tail while they're eating and they're shit's good they're definitely saying thank you for feeding yeah this shit that's so fucking cute this shit's boss uh okay i'll go with uh the when when i assume most dogs do this but stella does it she's smaller when they when they're laying down or curled up and they tuck their nose underneath their back leg, they tuck their nose in for a little warmth. That's the cutest thing ever.
Did your dog do that, Liam? Yeah, Bubba's dog. I don't know if Leroy might be too big.
He's not spry. He's not flexible enough.
You've got to get him into some Pilates, dude. That's like what a bird does when they fall.
They tuck their beak in their wings. He justucks right in and it's just so fucking cute.
And then I'll go with my last pick. The first tennis ball throw, the first tennis ball throw when your dog just loses their fucking mind and they're like, this is awesome.
And that like first burst of energy, nothing better. Yeah.
The way they take off, they run so fast and they're so excited and it's like the best thing ever and then still usually stops after like throw four but that first throw it's fucking sick that's really good Stella has that thing where you know you know some dogs are like a little too smart for their own good after the fourth throw she's like yeah I'm not doing this anymore yeah this is like I caught I caught the time I got the tennis why do I keep bringing it back she just will go and then she'll literally just run by it And be like no I'm not bringing that back to you I'm going to fucking go and run around That's the Kenny Powers method My last one That they're very good Oh that's a cop out Come on Do you want a different one When they nail a scoop Very good. When they nail a scoop.
When they nail a scoop? Yeah. When they nail a scoop.
Okay. Very good dogs.
That's fair. That's fair.
Okay. All right.
You know what Billy just did? Yeah, he did the dog. Billy just did the dog head tilt.
Yeah, head tilt. Huh? Huh? I'm learning something.
Huh? What's the scoop? When a dog nails a scoop. Oh, okay, okay.
Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. My last one is when they kind of have that sort of in the same vein of the first tennis throw, when they just freak out and just like, they're just super energized.
Wait, what? They just freak out. For what? Because they're scared.
No, no, no. They just freak out.
They just run around like a crackhead. For what? For anything.
I don't know. Sometimes they just start running.
Can I try to you, Billy? The zoomies. So you're talking about when a dog just has so much energy they don't know what to do with themselves and they jump up in the air or they run past you as Big Cat's referring to.
Yeah, the zoomies. When it just goes back and forth.
Yeah, and then he does a somersault. That means you need to walk your dog.
I know, I know, but it's so cute. Yeah.
It's just like they're running around. No, you also have a puppy, so that's fair.
There was times when we would go, when Stella was a little, it was a puppy. Yeah.
Or just, like, young dog. We'd go for a fucking crazy long walk to the park, and then still at night, she would just, like, fucking bolt with energy.
Yeah, it's, like, awesome. All right.
Things that missed. How about that all dogs go to heaven? That's also true.
Yep. When they kiss you on the lips.
Mm-hmm. Things that missed.
How about that? All dogs go to heaven. That's also true.

Yep.

When they kiss you on the lips.

I love that.

I had on the grass, which people say it's they're actually just rolling in poop.

You don't.

I'm not buying the fact that's like, listen, please don't share this picture of a dog kissing you on the lips.

They only do that because they're nervous.

Yeah.

No, I hate that.

No, I think mom. Mama dogs are really cute with their puppies.
Yes. When they make sure that they're all warm.
When they grab them by the scruff of the neck. Yeah, that's so cute.
That's the best. A mama dog carrying a baby dog around, a puppy around is so cute.
What about first time the father dog gets to see the litter? Oh. Look what I did.
I made this. He's like, he's like, what? Oh, me.
Yeah. I guess I have to, my kids.
He's like, that's, those aren't, those kids are mine. The, uh, specifically more, more specific on the greetings.
My favorite is the greeting when they're so, so excited that they like almost like bow and they, they, they go like anti-energy, you know, when like a greeting can be happy jumping up but when they're so they're like losing their mind so much they almost like trying to crawl underneath you that's the best yeah um go ahead bubba i've had beagles and my old dog specifically its ears will get in the water when she would drink water and then get up and then shake her head off every time it was awesome hell yes uh when when they don't know that they're in water and they shake yeah to try to get dry that's always cute when they find uh when when they find the sun spot in the apartment and then they start panting because they're so fucking hot you're like you idiot yeah you're the one who sat there dude dude dude So I taught my puppy to swim The other day

And now every time I pick it up

Like with two hands

It just starts trying to swim

Dude make a video

I'll make a video

Make a video

What are you doing Billy

Make a fucking video

And then give it to us

And we're gonna tweet it from

Pardon my take

Okay I will

I will

I will

It just

Dude

It does a thing

And then

Whoa you actually

Are you wearing a collar

No I just

It's my chain

You sound like you're wearing a collar

Thank you. a thing and then...
Whoa, you actually... Are you wearing a collar? No, I just...
It's my chain.

You sound like you're wearing a collar.

Do it again. Do it again.

Billy's excited, everyone.

No, then when my puppy loves belly rubs,

so sometimes he'll just run at me and just

jump and land on his back and just be like,

rub me. You know what another good one is? When they get a scratch, when you scratch them and they start doing the leg thing on their own.
The phantom H is a good one. The peanut butter on the nose and watching them just lick it off with their fucking big tongue.
That's the best. When they hear a can opener.
Yeah. When you can see them start to learn something.
Or a bag. Or anything.
Anytime I stand up. Packaging.
When I open a box. Stella just follows me because she knows that if I stand up, there's like an 80% chance I'm getting food.
What's really cool is sometimes, so I used to bring Leroy into the bathroom with me when he was a little puppy because I couldn't trust- You freak a deke. No, I couldn't trust him by himself like in my bedroom or roaming the house as a little dog.
Yeah, that's a good excuse. So I would just like bring him in there and i i handle my business and leave so every now and again if i'm in the bathroom he comes in and he just noses the door open and just checks in on me he's like okay you're there and then just walks out yep oh you know what another really cute thing is when your dog decides that it's time to go to bed at night yeah so like puts puts themselves to bed sometimes Leroy would be like downstairs as I'm watching television.
And then at like 10, 1030, he would just stand up calmly and walk upstairs and go to his couch. He decided it was bedtime.
Yep. It's time to go.
I know I'll get people say I'm a bad dog owner for this one, but I do love when she doesn't do it often, but every now and then still put her paws up on the kitchen counter when I'm like making something and ask you just think you're a bad dog owner. Yeah.
Bad dog. Oh, one more.
Um, my, my puppy, it hasn't been around other male dogs yet. So it's still pisses without putting its leg up.
You got to teach it. That's on you, Bill.
You got to get in the backyard on all fours and lift your leg. I'll take him to the bathroom with me and we'll do it there.
No, you got it. No, it's not going to understand.
Then it's going to pee in the bathroom. You have to take your dog out back and you need to pee by lifting your leg.
Okay, I'll take a video too. Yeah, do that.
Show us that. Also, speaking of dogs peeing, when they hold their bladder for 18 hours because the elevator in your apartment's broken like we did yesterday.
That's huge. You went from 11 p.m.
at at night until 6 p.m the next day without peeing because the elevator was broken i couldn't carry him down the stairs because it was too narrow and he's too heavy and he wiggles when you pick him up so i didn't want him to fall on his ass and and hurt himself right and so i was just expecting that he was going to pee on the living room floors newspapers everywhere and stuff he held stuff. He held his bladder for 18 hours, and then he got outside, and he let loose the floods of hell.
Like Noah was building an ark in the street. Yeah.
Wow. How do you know that he didn't learn how to use the toilet from you all those times in the bathroom? He's secretly taking a piss? Yeah.
That would suck if you caught Leroy jerking off into the toilet he's like how'd you learn that yeah um all right only other one I had was when they hear themselves on video like if you play a video of them barking or whining and then they start whining or barking they're like hey that's me I had uh I had one of those fake fireplaces and my dog would run up to it and like get scared like at the reflection. A dog in a mirror is great.

A dog watching a dog show on television is pretty good too.

Yep.

We don't deserve them.

Dogs are the best.

They are.

Learning how to climb stairs.

Last one.

There you go.

Is that for you or the dog?

Forever.

It's the puppy.

They get stuck in the middle of the stairs.

They're like, what are you doing?

You're like, look, man, you're on your own, man.

Deal with it.

All right, let's finish up.

We got a couple of guys on chicks.

Bubba, are you going to read them to us?

So I've been seeing slash hooking up with this guy for like six months.

And a month ago when I was blackout, I think, in parentheses, emphasis on I think,

he asked me to be his girlfriend.

And I guess I said yes.

Since then, he's been saying stuff to other people like dating girlfriend relationship etc do i just go with it do i have a boyfriend now or do i ever bring up that i was blacked out uh i think you got a boyfriend is it i think it's too late yeah is it facebook official i think it's too late i think you i think if he's going around saying like, this is my girlfriend, you probably should have had that conversation already. So now you got to go with it.
No, no, no. You get him drunk and then explain to him that you're not his girlfriend and he won't remember it.
That's true. Double psych.
Yeah. Yeah.
That's good. Good call.
I like that. Or you could break up with him.
And then if he's like, what are you talking about? You're like, okay, good. That was just a joke.
And then if he's really upset, it's like you know that he thought that you were boyfriend and girlfriend. I'm rooting for them to get married.
That would be awesome. Like, hey, I actually was never even your girlfriend.
Actually, you got to one-up him, get him drunk, and then marry him. Propose.
And then marry his ass. Or we'll just break up with him for you.
Just send this to you. We'll say it.
Yeah, that's true. Billy will.
Okay, next one. Sup, Hank, Dougs, and Mr.
Commenter. My boyfriend runs to the bathroom almost immediately every time we have sex.
I figured he just had a small bladder until recently I heard him making noises. I confronted him about it, and he explained it.
When you pee after you have sex, it basically feels like you're coming again, he said. He calls it his pee gasm.
Is this true or is he a psychopath? He's convinced. This guy read the wrong message board and his own brain convinced him that it was true.
Like if you pee right after you have sex, you get extra testosterone. The fact is before you go pee, every guy has to actually finish on the carpet beside their bed.
And it's way better actually if you just piss on top of that. This guy, I mean, I think everyone's body's different.
So maybe he really is gasming twice. Let him be.
Or he's just flushing the pipes, you know. Hey guys, I started staying at my boyfriend's apartment more often during quarantine.
I think after I fall asleep, he goes back into the living room to play video games at night. I've noticed there was beer cans and snacks out in the living room that weren't there when we went to bed.
Should I be concerned or is this not a big deal? He was leaving him out for Santa. I think it's, I think it's fine.
Um, He's obviously still learning how to coexist

with a woman, and he could probably

just ask you, hey, is it cool

if I go out and I play video games?

But right now, he's got a guilty conscience

behind that somehow. You've got to find out

why he feels bad about playing video games.

Let him know it's okay.

Billy?

It's a weird time.

Oh, go ahead. Get profound.
Just let him do what he's got to do to deal with it. It's a weird time.
Doesn't talk to girls. Oh, go ahead.
Get profound. Just let him do what he's got to do to deal with it.
It's a weird time. That's how he blows off steam? Yeah.
I mean, imagine if he doesn't do that. What's he going to do? Billy definitely would be playing video games.
You've been playing video games for fucking 15 hours, Billy. It's like, have you seen it? Have you seen the news? Fucking weird time.
We all cope differently. All things considered, that's a pretty healthy secret that he's keeping from you.
Yeah. I've honestly been using the excuse to do stupid stuff.
Weird times. There's no rules.
Yeah. I think you could also reverse that on him, too, and wait for him to fall asleep and then go out one night and uh just go to the living room and pound an entire bag of franzi and watch sex in the city and leave the dvds out all right last one yep last one uh sup boys i broke up with my long-term boyfriend right before quarantine began we had several trips planned together which obviously we canceled since we broke up my ex randomly sent me half the cost of the trip that I never paid for to begin with.
Do I send it back? Do I keep it? Should I invest it in the stock market? What should I do with this? Keep it. He sent you an invoice? No, he sent, he thought that they split it, and she never paid it.

So he sent her an invoice being like, hey, accounts receivable needs $1,000 for our boat ride to Charlottesville or something like that.

I'm going to be honest.

I have no idea what he said.

He thought she paid for half of it, and she never gave him half.

And then he sent her the half back.

Oh, he gave her a check.

Yes. Yes.
All right. Yeah, i think that's fun money you spend what you need to do is find the dumbest thing possible that you can buy with that money and then spend all of it on that like i'm talking about i saw a jumpsuit that was two thousand dollars and neiman marcus one time i didn't buy it because i didn't have $2,000 on me at the time.
But every day goes by, and I wish that I had just dropped two Gs on a jumpsuit. Keep that, queen.
Spend it on something stupid as fuck. Get it, queen.
And enjoy it. Do your thing.
Billy is very confused. Dog look again.
I don't understand what the money... What? We should do a Mount Rushmore of cutest things Billy does.
I pronounce his willuji. When he lies to us and then admits that he was lying to us, but it's always a simple lie, so we can't stay mad.
Today he came and worked out with two people, and we told him he could work out, but not with two people. And then we said, Billy, why didn't you tell us? And he didn't say, oh, my bad, I was lying to you.
He just said, I didn't think anyone was going to be here. Yeah, I didn't think I was going to get caught.
Irish entrance. So he literally was like, I have no remorse of lying.
I have more remorse that everyone was here. The thing I like about Billy is he doesn't lie about why he lies.
He's very honest about his entrance. Lying is cool.
Getting caught lying. Getting caught lying sucks.
Billy makes me feel like the greatest detective of all time because I can always get to the answer within like 30 seconds. Hard questioning.
Billy, why did you bring the extra people? Well, I didn't think you guys were going to be here. Flashing back to the last guys on Chick's question though, I feel like you might have let a good one get away.
A guy that sends you a check after like a month of being broken up, being like, oh, I just remembered that you bought this vacation for us. Here's either that or he's a big time simp.
Yeah. He's probably just trying to simp his way back in.
Yeah, that's what it is. Yeah.
All right. That's our show.
Everyone stay safe. We will see you on Friday.

We've got a recurring guest.

Don't know which one we're going to run, but we've got a recurring guest coming up on Friday.

Watch Sour Grapes.

Also, do not tell Hank the word is chin.

Don't say it.

Don't you dare say it.

Stay safe and take care of each other.

I love you guys.

Say love you guys.

Love you guys.

Thanks for having me.

Talk to the mic, Billy.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye. Thank you.
Love you guys. Thanks for having me.
Talk in the mic, Billy.

Bye. Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye. Bye.
Bye. Bye.
Bye. Bye.
Bye. Bye.
Bye. Bye.
Bye. Bye.
Bye. Bye.
Show me away I'll be coming for your lover

Take on me Take on me Take me on Take me on Take me on Take me on I'm so needless to say Thank you. Take on me

Take on me

Take on me Thank you.