Scott Van Pelt, Ryan Lochte, Mt Flushmore of Car Accessories And Sports Are Back?

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we have our good friend Scott Van Pelt on the show. We talk a little baseball with him.
We talk a little video games. Some unfair accusations are made.
We get inside his head, his bald head. Great time with him.
We also have Ryan Lochte on, one of the greatest philosophers of our time. Yeah.
Good friend, recurring guest, Ryan Lochte. We have Fire Fest of the Week, the Mount Flushmore of car accessories, and FAQs.
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Today is Friday, May 29th and sports are back ish. We're getting announcements about announcements.
We're getting half announcements. NHL, the Stanley cup playoffs are back, sort of, because we don't know when, but the 2014 tournament is awesome.
The Blackhawks made the playoffs, I don't know how, but yeah, sports feel like they're coming back. They're definitely coming back.
I'm very excited about it. I was trying to crack the code on the NHL playoff format.
It's tough to follow at first. You need to dive into it a little bit, but the upshot is there are more teams in the playoffs.
They're probably going to play it at the Disney Wild World of Sports or wherever that is down in Orlando. I think they're playing it in the word I got from our hockey guy, from Spittin' Chicklets, our hockey guys.
Vegas and Edmonton look like the most likely spots. It's just going to be in Vegas and Edmonton? Yeah, it's only two spots.
And they're not going to the East Coast at all? I don't know if that's official. There's 10 finalist cities.
I think Pittsburgh was on there. What would you say? It's like the Olympics.
Yeah, yeah. But they're going to do all the games in two cities.
They're going to do Eastern Conference, Western Conference. Did you talk to Biz Nasty? No, I talked to the producer of Spittin' Chicklets, Mike Grinnell.
I was going to say, I would like to have a live cam on cam on biz nasty of him reading the playoff format trying to understand it like a dog listening to classical music straightforward it was after after you get past the first opening round part yeah it's five five through 12 play in a five game series and then one through four play in a round robin tournament for seating which the seating really means nothing except for you know line changes because you're not playing at home right so but it's nice to have home ice advantage doesn't mean anything uh are they going to play the games like back to back on on the same day or are they going to space it out like the normal spacing it seems like they're going to play it kind of like just blitz it just do i mean they're not going to not like you don't have to play every single day but it seems like there will be multiple games spread out through the day in these different hockey cities, and they're just going to go right through it. I'm psyched.
I'm psyched. As long as we can get an Oregon player there, that'll be all that I need.
I need also the horn's going to sound so loud when they score a goal. Oh, yeah.
Empty stadium. That's going to be cool.
Just give me – I know that they're not going to be playing basketball games in the same arenas, unless maybe if it's in Vegas, they might. I just need the montage of the floor changing from hardwood to ice, then back to floor.
If you could figure out a way to do that multiple times over the course of one day, where they started off playing like one Western Conference game in the NHL, and then they transitioned it to a basketball game, then back to hockey. I want as many of those montages as possible.
I'm totally down with the fake crowd noise. They had it for the Bundeslager.
I thought it was awesome. Like, it really does make it seem like a real game because when you pan out, you obviously see, okay, there's no crowd there, but just do it.
And I know the opposition to that is we want to hear the players talk. But as soon as players know that they're on a live mic, they're not going to talk the same way they're not going to if you if you put an nba players on the court if you put hockey players on the ice and you're like put people can pick up everything you say there will not be talking there i think there still will be once you get in the heat of competition so what you need the same way what you need is you need something like they did with the match where they have like somebody whose only job is to hit that dump button have like the most uh the most conservative ears like tipper gore have al gore's ex-wife who is in charge of putting those explicit content stickers on records back in the 80s and 90s have her listening to the live stream and she's in charge of the dump button the um it's just the fake crowd noise i'm all for it i don't i don't see any downside i know people in their in their wildest dreams think what what's the downside they think that it's going to be like a mic'd up they think it's going to be a perpetual mic'd up where we're going to get the most interesting conversations and things i don't think one i don't think the nfl would ever allow it because everyone's paranoid in the nfl two i think as soon as anyone makes a mistake they will be like fuck that we're out so this idea i know the fantasy land if i crowd noise could be the the downside they could fuck that up it could make the viewing experience suck oh but did you watch if they actually like soccer did i watch the jerk no okay i did not well it's the only sport that's on i've been watching the ball on the grass um wait, so how would they fuck it up? They play the crowd noise too loud? Yeah, like they play...
You need a DJ. Right.
I mean, do you trust a DJ, like some random DJ that's going to be in charge of the crowd? I mean, in the NBA, they're playing Jumbotron songs all throughout the game anyway. I hate that.
I absolutely hate that. I don't disagree there.
No, it's not. Oh.
You want to just silence? No, but I'm saying if you're talking about NBA, like, there's plenty of basketball games that can play without them playing, like, fucking TI in the fourth quarter. Like, that sucks.
Not many. Like, they all...
You mean, like, college basketball? Yeah. Well, yeah, they try harder, right? No, I'm just saying, like...
Wait, I don't know. Are you concerned? You're saying that there's no downside is all I was saying? Yeah.
That they could ruin the viewing experience. The crowd noise is too loud.
Of course they play at times when it's not supposed to happen. Yeah, of course they have to tinker with it.
It will make it not feel. I'm just basing it off the full soccer game I watched with fake crowd noise.
It kind of went seamlessly. I guess I got to watch some Bundeslag.
Where do you catch the Bundeslag? On television? On television. Just have one person who's in charge of raising the volume, lowering it.
All they have to do is not play the Vuvuzelas, and everyone's going to be happy. That's the only way you can fuck this up.
I think it's going to be interesting, though, if we get to football season and there's no crowd noise, because then there is some gamesmanship of, I can hear what the other quarterback's saying, I can hear what the other coach is screaming at them, that wouldn't be able to hear unless you have Jason Garrett on your sidelines which might be a secret advantage for the Giants just have a coach that doesn't talk I just don't think the NFL would ever they're so paranoid they're all so paranoid they're not gonna let that happen they're not gonna be like hey we'll just give you a live mic also how about when like someone gets violently't want that on a live mic. The bone sound is not going to be good.
I know people have this idea that, like I said, it's going to be mic'd up. I just don't, unless it's exactly like mic'd up, which I can't imagine it would be, just give me the feel of a crowd noise.
I think that hockey players, basketball players, they're going to forget that there's no sound. They're not thinking when they're playing when they're playing oh this is on television i wonder how it translates they're gonna let they're gonna be normal athletes out there saying the normal stuff that they would say but you need to have that extra element of crowd noise to mask it i i think that the upside is way way bigger than the downside of what to having fake crowd noise yeah yeah um all right so sports are almost back i mean mlb is this clusterfuck we'll get to that with scott van pelt well did you see what mlb network's doing what so i think that this is mlb network like torturing us being like okay the players are going to play hardball guess what we're going to put on a 48 hour uh non-stop marathon of derrick cheater highlights yeah it's like okay you want to fuck around let's fuck we're here's joe west performing his live album that's all we're going to broadcast until the players agree to sign i just i keep going back to the fact that it feels like the owners are okay threatening like this year not having baseball and that tells you everything because if they are that means that they're probably not losing as much money as they're claiming they're going to lose they're just trying to get a good deal yeah so i don't know i i think something will get done because it will be increasingly embarrassing like if nba and nhl are playing playoffs in the middle of july and baseball's not even there that will be a huge embarrassment well they're going to bring up the scab players if it all goes to shit it's going to be all tim tebow all the time this summer the um so so that kind of the state of sports.
It feels like we're in this weird zone where it feels like everything's going to come back. EPL is going to come back.
Everything's going to come back. But we have just a perpetual announcement for an announcement.
That's fine. I'm okay with it.
Just give me something in the distance I can point at and be like, that's what's keeping me going for the next two weeks. Right.
All right. Anything else that we want to touch before we get to our fire fest? The NFL decided not to have that fourth and 15 as the onside kick.
That's tough. I was looking forward to it.
Just any new wrinkle in the game is going to give us something to talk about for a while. Yeah.
So I guess it's just business as usual. Like you're not going to recover any onsides kicks unless you have Young way coup on your team yep yeah i mean this i i it was discussed at great length is what everyone said fourth and 15 was discussed at great length when it when they went through everything so it feels like eventually they'll come around to it but maybe not right now it was tabled yeah it was tabled for a later date i just come on nfl just do it just fucking do Just do it.
The only other thing I had was Jim Boylan. It came out that all the rookies jobs on the Bulls team was to clock in because he actually had a factory clock.
Yeah, I like that. Love it.
But they were just basically stealing time because the rookies would do it for the veterans. Oh, they were, the rookies were clocking in.
Part of their job was to clock in for the veterans. So everyone their time clock yeah okay well seems like jim boylan jim boylan going back in time with technology some loopholes exist i'm okay with having i actually love it when coaches do stuff like that like you have to wear a hard hat to the game you have to pack a lunch when you go to a game you have to clock in and out of the factory i like that i like what i thought who would have thought you always see the most antiquated yeah you always see the most successful teams doing those kind of things unbelievable um all right let's get to firefest before we do that a new sponsor alert hank new sponsor alert whoop whoop there it is w-h-o-o-p whoop there it is uh whoop is a fitness wearable that provides personalized insights on the performance of your sleep, how recovered your body is, and how much stress and exertion you put on your body throughout the day.
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Get your health right right marshall lynch get your mentals right get your sleep right it's actually incredible to look at like oh i slept for eight hours last night i somehow feel good oh i slept for five hours i feel like shit they tell you before you even know that you feel like shit yep i love my whoop i've been wearing it for like four days now five now. They're starting to put together like a data system of what my health looks like.

Spoiler alert, it's not great.

But if you measure it, you can move it.

I'm doing a little Vince Young on my whoop right now.

I'm kind of just chilling out in the first half.

I haven't really gone to the gym or worked out.

And then one day I'm just going to go ham on my whoop and just start going strain after strain after strain working out and they're gonna be like whoa dude you're jerking off incredible it does it does feel good to wake up in the morning and you see like i kicked ass at sleep last night you feel like you've already accomplished something at the start of your day circle i'm at 70 right now green circle and it felt so good looking at that and being like yeah dude i'm at 12 for today yeah tough man you gotta get some recovery um all right let's do our fire fest of the week fire fest of the week hank my fire fest is kind of a fire fest follow-up but a couple fire fests ago my fire fest was that uh my skateboard broke andrew i got a an awl connect hooked me up i got i got sent a new skateboard there was no controller in it, and I lost my other controller. So now I have a skateboard without the controller.
So I'm still unable to ride around the city. That's like that old Mitch Hedberg thing of, like, escalators can't break.
They just become stairs. So you have a skateboard that doesn't have a battery.
Congrats, you have a skateboard. Pretty much.
But you don't know how to skateboard. Well, no, I can skateboard.
No, you can do it with your foot and everything. You can power yourself.
Yeah, I have a longboard at the office. If I wanted to, I could longboard here.
That just sounds like a lot more work. Hank, what about this? You're a big fan of wearing Heelys.
Why don't you just Heely home? Do you have those Heelys anymore? I would love some adult Heelys. Get Hank some Heelys, and he'll Heely to the office and back.
Get us all Heelys. No, actually, I've tried Heelys.
I fucking break my leg. Yeah, I will break my wrist immediately using them.
I actually took the wheels out of my Heelys, and now I just walk around with shoes that have a big hole in the Heelys. Yeah, your LSU shoes.
My LSU shoes, yeah. Yeah, we know.
It's like a horse coming. Oh, speaking of LSU, I feel like we should address a good visual for our guy, Coach O.
Oh, yeah, Hank was Ray Baker. Coach O has been spotted numerous times by bystanders jogging around the streets of Baton Rouge.
No, it's not. It's like a Florida vacation town.
That's why he keeps getting pictures taken. Because I think Baton Rouge, they know.
They leave him alone. He's down in Florida.
He's running the streets. He's making friends with Ray Baker.
He looks great. He looks awesome.
His run is the definition of I'm in motion right now and nothing's going to stop me. I might not be going super fast, but there's not a force in the world that can stop me.
He's just going mano-a-mano versus the sun every single day. And he's dominating the sun.
Yep. He's got a nice bronze glow to him.
Oh, sweat. Yeah, he looks all man.
You had another one? Oh, that was it. That was it.
Hank has a skateboard. Sorry, sorry.
Firefest. My Firefest of the week is that the government is coming for comment sections.
So they're starting. They're taking away our First Amendment.
The government has said that they are going to be looking at websites as publishers, like Twitter, Facebook, all that stuff. So anything that you post on Facebook could therefore be, it could be used in a lawsuit against Facebook.
So in the past, Facebook was was like anyone can post whatever dumb shit that we want on our website it's not ours to be responsible for because it's the users that are doing it now the government is going to make it harder for Twitter for Facebook to do that stuff they are coming for our First Amendment and they're trying to silence the internet commenters of America what does this mean for for me right now? Well, for you, it means that when you're on Twitch playing as Coach Duggs, you could probably ban some people for chirping at you. You could take away their First Amendment in the Twitch.
But I mean, I'm a First Amendment absolutely. Yeah, I can already do that.
I don't do it, but I could. So you're draconian.
I'm an absolutist in the First Amendment. What's the old Patrick Henry saying? I will not.
I don't agree with you. Oh, yeah.
What's the old Patrick Henry saying? What's the Sixth Amendment? I don't agree. That was a sneaky move by you to be like, what's the old Patrick Henry? Oh, I know it.
Go ahead. I think I even screwed that up because it's not Patrick Henry.
I think, oh, he said give me liberty or give me death. The old French guy said, I may not agree with your right to post a crying MJ, but I'll defend to the death your right to do it.
Something along those lines. But what does it mean right now? It means right now that no one's allowed to talk trash on the internet.
Oh, that sucks. Yeah.
Go to Smoot.com. What's the internet for? Smootsmack.com.
Smootsmack.com's got this figured out. We're going to be fine.
Here's an idea. I had a new segment alert.
Ideas that I had that most people probably have already had. But I'm the Stephen A.
Smith or Chris Broussard. I'm the first that I've heard.
Yes. Think of this.
That's all you got to say. The Social Network 2.
What about it? Someone should make that. The movie? But like, yeah, because the first one was just about the rise of Facebook.
It was all goody-goody. The downfall of Facebook.
This is like the social network too. The downfall and how the negative things that have come from Facebook in the past 10 years.
The Winklevosses strike back. They should try to buy it back from Zuckerberg.
I guess that's not hitting. No, it's okay.
It's good. I mean, now it would be the time for MySpace Tom to really amp his game up.
Well i'm saying you're making theoreticals i'm just saying it could just be an actual like the same way the social network was a true story it could be the true story of the last 10 years of facebook hmm okay okay all right no no it's not bad i know i like it i wonder if we should wait till zuckerberg like probably becomes president and then rips off his face is

like i was a robot all along probably wait for that but i'm in start writing the script now we'll get to the conclusion soon that's really what's gonna well that's gonna we have to write the beginning and the end first so that's the end of the movie yeah yeah um all right my fire fest is I like Outer Banks

I told you

I like Outer Banks

wait till the end though

it's so bad it's become good it reminds me of like all the all my favorite action movies with like steven seagal and john claude van damme and like best of the best. Like they're just so bad.

That scene, it hooked me.

You'll have to watch it, but that was an unintentional pun.

It hooked me when one of the guys was trying to literally kill another guy with a hook

and he caught it with his cast, his arm cast.

And I was like, this is Steven Seagal.

Steven Seagal would dream this up and make this a movie and it would be incredible. What kind of hook are we talking about're talking about a fishing hook yeah no like a big yeah like a grappling yeah yeah like a huge hook yeah use what you got turn your and he just fucking threw out his throughout his his cast and boom it was the perfect scene and we also had the the the uh dialogue is off the charts the kid tries to steal from his dad Rafe tries to steal from his dad a watch.
And what was the line he used? He was like, checking the time. Yeah, checking the time.
His dad caught him. He's like, checking the time.
Oh, while he was like. Well, he was in the watch room.
He was in. It was a wall safe.
And when he shut the safe, his dad was right there. The dad was behind it.
He's like, checking the time. Got it.
So are you a kook still? No, I think I'm a pote. Hell yeah.
I think I am living the plot to Sarah Cameron. I'm not all the way done, so maybe that will turn out to be bad, but I started as a kook and now I'm a pote.
Which one's which? Which one is the one that has the boat? And which one is the one that has the restraining order? The pokes. Okay.
Although I feel like most people in the Outer Banks that have the restraining order also own a boat. That's like a pancake of a Venn diagram.
It's just how big of a boat. But yeah, I like it.
And I don't know. I mean, I'm sad about myself that I fell for it because...
I think I'm not going to spoil it. I kind of want to just write this down.
No, don't spoil it. I'm not going to spoil it.
I think I went through the same progression of you where I was like, I'm watching this begrudgingly, and then I got into it, and then it... Okay, don't.
Don't. Say no more.
I'm going to finish it this weekend. I'll let you know.
Is there nudity? No. I'm out.
Oh, for that reason. Is there? I'm out.
No. No.
See ya. Some hot scenes.
If you guys want to watch a really terrible show that's just outwardly terrible, White Lines on Netflix is maybe the... I'm not trying to keep watching terrible shows because this is really the core of who I am.
I don't know if you guys heard, but I read a book this week, finished it, no big deal. I'm trying to become smarter, but when it comes down to it, I really just need to crawl under a tractor trailer and be like, this is where I'm going to live for the rest of my life, drink down and just be a bum well that's your treat it's like you're doing something to better your mind and you have to counteract it you're like if i put my mind through a couple chapters then i get to watch the kooks fuck around and and sink their boat uh off the cape of hatteras but as i read the book i had to keep pumping myself up being like do this man you got this you got this finish this book while i'm watching out uh outer banks i'm like oh man this feels great like my my brain is fully off and it is so bad and i'm learning nothing i'm getting dumber go back to white lines what's white lines about oh my god it's about uh yeah abiza abiza big parties in abiza uh it's a girl trying to solve her brother's murder from 20 years ago.

They're flashing back and forth between 20 years.

It doesn't make any sense.

It's terrible.

It is actually, like Outer Banks, it was kind of good,

and then I was like, this might be a good show,

and then it's just terrible.

Is there nudity in that one?

There's a lot of nudity.

Okay, I'm in.

A lot of sex.

A lot of drugs, a lot of DJ scene,

but it's objectively terrible.

Worse than Outer Banks?

Yes.

But not even redeeming?

No.

Oh.

No.

I'm out.

And the longer it goes, the more mad you get.

That is Outer Banks.

It's comical how bad it is.

Yeah, and there's like some, you know, the love you're somewhat interested in.

No, I don't care about those lines.

But this is just bad.

I found.

Who do you want?

Who do you want?

Who do you want John B to end up with?

I don't know. Her and Sarah Cameron are just hot.
It's a hot couple. It's a fucking hot couple.
See, this sucks for me because what's happening right now is there's all these inside things going on between Hank and Big Cat, and now I have to watch the show. No, because...
I have to watch it. This is four weeks later.
No, because we're not going to want it. I'm not going to want to talk about it after.
I was never expecting.

I never thought the day would come where I was talking about Outer Banks on part of my take.

Yeah, I didn't either.

I watched it like a month and a half ago.

I got duped into it.

I just started watching it, and I can't get out of it.

All right, let's get to something constructive here.

We have Scott Van Pelt on, then we're going to go to Ryan Lochte.

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You can buy it all on Amazon. Okay, here he is, Scott Van Pelt.
Okay, we now welcome on our very, very good friend, recurring guest. It is Scotty Too Hotty, Scott Van Pelt, the man who is still on your television every single night.
Tune in, SportsCenter.

He's crushing it.

And I actually... hottie scott van pelt the man who is still on your television every single night tune in sports center he's uh crushing it and i i actually think i'm gonna say something nice before we maybe get into a uh argument here about fictional video game characters i think what you and steve and your whole staff are doing is incredible because as guys who also have to do content every day with no sports on it's not easy but you guys make it look easy i appreciate that very much we're trying our best and it's it's especially kind of you to say something nice understanding that in the midst of our content creation on our pod as i was giving you gigantic props props for what you have done with the Coach Doug's phenomenon, I may have repeatedly accused you of abusing your players and pumping up their speed numbers.
And if I may have done that, I absolutely did that. So let's dig deep here.
Where's this from? Where's this jealousy coming from? Because I'll show my stats. I'll show my roster tomorrow against South Carolina or today against South Carolina.
I inherited this team. Everyone watched me live inherit this team.
The first thing that jumped out at the page is I had SEC speed on the offensive side of the ball. Really bad defense, but it's coming around.

So what gives, man?

I think when I watch the twitch and I see JoJo's speed,

I'm like, wow, that guy's really swift.

Like maybe faster than he was prior to.

But we all know the Coach Doug's training regimen,

I'm sure that had something to do with it, right? We do the off-season training, and typically numbers do improve, so maybe that's part of it. Maybe that's part of it.
That's a fact. Or maybe, Big Cat, this is a real moment of truth, maybe.
Maybe when I, after, and I, backstory, after you started doing this, I'm like, who doesn't love 2014? I dusted off the Xbox. I, too, followed your lead, not trying to steal content, just trying to fill time in my board, out of my brain existence.
I start playing the game. I'm the offensive coordinator at Nevada.
Then I actually got to Texas Tech before you. We texted about that, which was very funny.
It's true. Long story short, I'm now the coach at Maryland, head coach at Maryland, alma mater, dream job.
And when I took over, things were pretty grim. And maybe Big Cat, what I did is I spiced up some of my guys' stats, and I thought, you know, maybe Big Cat did this too.
I'm fully admitting that I was on the juice, like hardcore on the juice. And I just assumed that you did the same thing.
And if you're a man of honor, then on your more widely listened to podcast than ours, I will say that maybe what I was doing was lashing out. I was projecting because of the shame that I feel in my heart.
Now, Scott, I want to kind of take your side in this a little bit here because Big Cat just offered to open up the kimono, show the stats

of his players prior to playing

USC. It's interesting

to me, and I think you'll agree

that he did not make that same offer

before going up against Florida

and going up against Georgia and the

better teams in the SEC. He's saying

yeah, you know what? USC's actually better than

both those teams. Before we take on Steve Spurrier

I'll open up

the rulebook here and see

and let you guys see what I'm working with

Thank you. Yeah, you know what? USC's actually better than both those teams.
Before we take on Steve Spurrier, I'll open up the rulebook here and let you guys see what I'm working with. So don't let Big Cat talk you out of your paranoia just yet because I like what this is.
I think he probably did it. I know I did it.
Yeah, you're projecting. You're projecting.
You feel bad that you're winning national championships at Maryland and you have to juice your players. I will show you and they will be the offseason training.
I think I showed when we inherited the roster. It was live streamed.
Everyone saw it. You do get boost during the year.
You know that you do get boost during the year when your offensive coordinator gets, you know, you add one, you know, it adds one to everyone's stuff. But I have been accused you aren't the first person.
You're basically a Twitter troll, which is another projection. I'm not Stinky Poo Poo or whatever his name is.
You are Stinky Poo Poo Poo stinks. We could lay you on the couch right now.
We could lay you on the couch and dig deep into your brain. Listen, I fully cop to the fact that it is horrifying that I know the names of people on your team.
I know Pua, I know JoJo, and I know Rico Bergerton, for fuck's sake. Yes.
I know the names of these people. But I also, when I see you run one of the four plays that you run.
Oh, stop. You are poopy stinks.
You're poopy stinks. I am poopy stinks.
I do like this side of Scott, though. It's refreshing, Scott.
When's the last time when you guys got caught? It doesn't happen very often. Actually, Pua Stubbs got caught.
Pua Stubbs got caught. Listen, I'll show it.
Yeah, but isn't he like a tight end? Yeah, I'll show it. Isn't he like a big tight end? I'll show it.
I have no problem showing it.

I showed it when we inherited the roster.

SE speed all over the field.

It's incredible.

I got to win the Natty right now.

But, yeah, I think you're projecting a little bit. I think that deep down you're sad.

A lot of people are also saying that Big Cat tapes these ahead of time.

And then if he loses, then he doesn't air that one, and he'll go back and get a win. Yeah.
P.F.T., I don't want to go back to that really gross episode at Oklahoma State where they uploaded the wrong season or whatever. Oh, and I got too high? Yeah.
Yeah, I remember that. Maybe you took an edible and, you know, whatever's happening.
You know, I guess what I'm saying here is when we know that there have been some episodes of maybe things like that have gone on, would it be beyond the realm to consider? And maybe as you're sitting there thinking, huh, I'm going to play some SEC teams, maybe. Maybe I just bump up the speed a little and then you see it into the green, and you're like, well, if I'm going to make him a 92 speed, why don't I make him a 95 speed? The hell with it.
That's sad. That's sad.
And people have accused me of this, and they've said, oh, you have 99 roster guys all over the place. Again, I don't.
And Caleb Presley might be there now because he's so fucking good, and he keeps getting boosted because he's got Heisman going. But, you know, I just like to enjoy playing video games.
I think people like to enjoy watching. I think what's happening is that I have finally, after like 60 games, gotten somewhat adequate at this game.
And you and Poopy Stinks. You're better.
You and Poopy Stinks and the like can't handle that. And, you know, the haters always come out when you have success.
I'm not going to act like I don't have a few plays that I go to play. I just feel like you run the wheel route, you know.
You lean on the wheel route. Yeah.
You know, push comes. But you know what? Who's not going to run the play that works when they need a play that works? Right.
I understand that. And I have like five plays that work now.
You said four. It's more like five.
Is there a possibility to set up an exhibition game of Coach Duggs' Tennessee team against Scott Van Pelt's Maryland team? That's what Steve was trying to broker. That's what Steve was trying to broker.
He's asking, do I know how to get on the internet on the Xbox? And I said, I don't know. I mean,'m i've said a thousand times i'm like your grandpa trying to figure out how to record someone a vcr which the people listen to listen to your show don't even know what the hell i'm talking about but i'm my techno my technological uh acumen is is very very poor other than my ability to juice my team so i'd be happy to try to sort something out.
We do it for charity.

See, the problem is, Scott, I value our friendship,

and I think that if we played each other, there would be rage quitting.

There would be things that were said that we can never take back.

It would basically be like you, Ryan, and Stanford Steve's all-time segment

on your old radio show, Who's the Jerk?

I don't know if we'd recover from it, which everyone knows that's what broke up the SVP and Rosillo show. The one where Steve asked Ryan, who hates you more, men or women? And the one, that is still the best, but the fact that Steve, and this is going to be a ricochet shot because he's going to get mad that I'm bringing this back up, was outed as a litterer was bad.
Yeah, well, the question was, do you litter? So I think really with that, that was more an accusation. It's like calling, you know, it's more like just saying, you litter.
I just outright came out and said, you boost your guy's speed, and I'm guilty of it. So you're probably right because if i because if like the horror of being behind multiple scores and people giving me f's that are like 13 year old kids in a chat room like i would not handle any of that well oh i don't uh and then i then i'd say i'd say hateful things and then you know i'd end up saying to you what you said the poopy stinks the other night, which I just can't.
I don't want that to happen. Yeah.
There's two. We have years of equity that's been built up, and I'm afraid it could be wiped away like one giant wave on the beach.
It's true. But, Scott, it's for charity.
If it's for charity, no one can say you're a jerk because even as you're being a jerk,'re actually doing something for the greater good we'll try we'll try well well yeah i think i think something should happen and i should and listen i should have to i should own it wear it whatever the sayings of the day are i should have to deal with all of it that comes with the accusations and then i'd also i'd have to i'd have to more accurately bump my players back down

from some of the guys i've got right because we're uh we're we're we got some guys that are really like sosa mcguire home run chase juice he's working right now you have a recruit a recruit mind you a high school player a recruit named steve coughlin who's a 96 coming out of high school how'd you get that in me?

I made him

yeah

well but he was

I made him

I made him

uh Coughlin, who's a 96, coming out of high school. How'd you get that at me? I made him a college park guy.
I put him in college park. Somehow we got him.
And this is how sad my life is. I redshirted him because the guy that I juiced up that's my quarterback so good.
and now I'm afraid when the year ends that he's going to leave.

The guy that – like, I can't believe, like,

the things I'm saying out loud are where my life currently is.

You know what I mean?

Like, I have little kids, and this is –

and when I go home at night, like, I can't wait.

I have a national championship game with Auburn.

I'll sit there tonight in the dark, and it's like –

it's all I'm thinking about right now. Like, I can't wait to go home and play.
What's the name of your coach? It's Houston Nut. I brought Houston Nut back to glory as an offensive coordinator.
I wanted to get him back in the game. And now Houston Nut's down there just doing it in College Park.
I love it. A little nut butter in College Park.
How about it? Get the shot about it that's that's incredible so um listen we'll try to do it i i do love your texts i get texts at like three in the morning scott's like uh because me stanford steven scott he's like just lost a heartbreaker to ohio state it's three in the morning and he lost a heartbreaker to ohio state it's really bad it's it's. Yeah, that's true.
And again, so we're clear. What you guys have done is a phenomenon, and I have supported it.
I have openly been fanning the flames and saying, oh, this is great. And then on my own podcast, I did say that you cheated.
Yeah, then you went after me. So that's what happened.
Alright, real question. I actually saw actually saw you you fell back on your ways you started fighting with Twitter trolls today but I thought it was I thought it was actually warranted because you had a one big thing last night or two nights ago on SportsCenter about the players and the MLBPA and the owners what what made everyone so mad? And do you think that people have switched a little to being more pro player? Because I do.
I think a lot of people aren't buying the owner's bullshit this time. I think they're more pro player.
But the problem is, and I said this in the body of the one big thing, is that nothing that I say, I can't counter the fact that tens of millions of Americans have lost their jobs as a result of this. So I don't expect you to have pity for the players.
This isn't about pity, but it's still about right and wrong. And if we have a contract and the contract has been collectively bargained and the tens of millions of dollars that I got, if I'm Trout or Cole or whomever, I earned that.
It's collectively bargained.

I got to be a free agent.

I'm great.

I get $35 million.

All right, well, I already gave you half of it back,

and now I'm going to go honor my contract,

and you want me to take half less again.

Well, that's bullshit.

And saying that that's bullshit, if your answer to me is,

oh, I don't have any pity because this –

we know that's a horrible thing. No one's saying it's great that this situation has happened.
Two things can be true at the same time. I know people have a lot of difficulty with that.
So my point is simply, if we have a contract that's been collectively bargained, you agree to it, I agree to give you half back. You can't come to me and say I'm giving you half of that back when I'm just going to go out and play the number of games we agreed to.
It just doesn't make any sense. So I'm on the player's side there.
And then, you know, it's some people – I think a lot of people get it. And I think a lot of people feel that way.
I mean, it's the old millionaires versus billionaires. And no one's supposed to feel sorry for anyone.
But if we're going to go do the work we agreed to, then you should give us the money that

you agreed to in March.

I agree.

I don't think it's complicated.

To me, it's pretty simple.

And that's if you buy a major league baseball team, a lot of these owners, when they buy

it, they take out business loans because they understand that in theory, owning a major

league baseball team is a can't lose proposition.

But that's not how business works.

If you're the owner of a team, part of that is accepting all the risk that comes along with owning that business. So if something happens, if something bad happens, just like any other small business in America, if something bad happens and you're forced into a situation where you're not making as much money as you thought you were going to make, the risk falls on your shoulders as the owner of that franchise or the owner of that business.
It does not fall on the shoulders of the people with whom you've entered a collective bargaining agreement and already gone back to the table and renegotiated once. I think that that should be something that's pretty clear to get across to people.
But if you distill it down to the question of, should you feel sorry for Garrett Cole, who's making what $8 million a year, as opposed to $35 million a year, then that's a totally different question, but that's not what we're talking about here. I never said, I feel sorry for anybody.
I'm just saying that in this ridiculous conversation where both sides are going to posture, I'm saying that I, I, I would support the side of the players simply because of everything you just explained. And look, most of these owners print money on a yearly basis, whether they're good or bad, or whether they try to feel the team that's successful or not.
And this is an unprecedented situation in our life that costs, as we've said, all these people their jobs. And it's going to cost owners a ton of money.
And it's already costing players a great deal as well that they were supposed to get but if they're the ones that are going to go out there and put themselves you know theoretically at more risk because they're around these people and they're out there playing the games that are generating at least the television portion of the revenue then they're supposed to get what they agreed to like again where's the where's the disconnect with that it's also the the thing i would i've been saying to the p because i got in a little debate, I would say debate, online about this as well, is you see it now in pro – So I'm going to fight. I fought and you debated.
Yeah, you fought. I debated.
You juiced your players. I just coached them up.
Big Cat uses logic and reason to destroy his opponents. You rely on emotion.
You see it now in sports. Dak Prescott's a perfect example right right now he is going to negotiate a contract that does not go five years because he knows the rights are up in four and he wants to get a piece of that pie you saw it with the NBA when the NBA basically got all that new money and they had to just spend it on anyone if the roles were reversed here and the owners found some new revenue stream that was just knocking it out of the park, no pun intended, do you think they'd go back to the players and be like, hey, guys, we want to make sure that you get a little more money right now and rip up this CBA midterm? No, of course not.
So this is the other side. Of course not.
Yeah, this is the other side. Of course not.
This is the downside. So, right.
And I mean, again, at no point did I say said i feel badly for i don't uh they are still getting millions to play a kid's game all true but once again these things were agreed to everybody entered into these contracts understanding that there are you know some uncertainties that might present themselves nobody saw this coming so that's you know that's where we are but i ierzer, Scherzer's little, little nugget there at the end of his tweet on whatever Wednesday night, where he's like, if all the documents were seen by, you know, if they came to light or what, I'm paraphrasing that this would be a different deal. So, I mean, they're, they're obviously letting you know, like, Hey, look, we know that you guys are either you're hiding some portion of revenue or it's not as bad as you're making it out to seem.
And, you know, we're not going to eat a quarter less again or half less again so that you guys can have this sort of close to a bottom line that you were ready for or hoping for. So, I mean, look, everything sucks.
I'm yelling at Big Cat about juicing his players, you know? I mean, this is Stanford Steves. It's 2027 in Stanford Ste's life.
He's played hundreds of games and people are mad at me on Twitter about baseball players that aren't going to get their money. And that sucks because everything sucks.

It does.

Do you think that it's a possibility?

Because this is where I have a hard time with anybody that's taking the owner's side of this.

If the players choose to go ahead and say, yeah, we will take your demand this season to do essentially a soft salary cap for this one year. Do you think that there's any possibility that the owners don't use that as future leverage in the next negotiation? Because I think that they're going to take whatever they can get and any sacrifice that the players make, that's going to come back to bite them in the ass for, for future generations of major league baseball players.
Precisely because listen, and anybody that has dealt with any contract, your goal is to get, but you don't, no one wants to grow by, by, by fractional percent. They want to take these massive, you know, doubling and tripling and whatever else.
And that, that doesn't happen many places, but it can in baseball. And so baseball.
And so the players have taken advantage of that. And now if this gives you an opportunity to claim back real estate, you're exactly right.
They're not going to surrender it. They're going to fight over it again as if.
It wasn't like you just gave us back that then. Now you gave it back to us.
It's like a little kid with a toy. Once your brother takes that thing back, I have it now.
Well, no, that was my truck. Well, now, fuck you.
I have it now. It's tough to claw that back.
Once again, I'm taking you back inside what goes on at the Van Pelt house during the daytime when my little guy Charlie's buck naked, which is a whole other story. He's pretty much kind of a lifestyle guy.
He into it sure never nude no no the opposite yeah yeah well you should not just wear a shirt but now now he's taking it to decide and pants aren't going to work either um i don't know we know what i'm talking about except i'm talking about naked kids fighting over trucks and how that has to do with owners but that the premise is the same once somebody else has it then they have it and they're not giving it they're not just giving it back to you unless you fight for it. Yeah.
It's not about even these players. Like, players 10 years from now are going to have to deal with the ramifications of what the players do right now.
But I think, and I really do believe, and Jeff Pattinson said this repeatedly when he's been a guest on the show, if you don't play, if in the midst of this, and this is the most normal thing, by thing by the way that we have right now the most normal thing we have is that the owners and the players are fighting about money um but if they if they stare each other down and nobody blinks and then they just the whole season dissolves in the midst of this and then by the time the fall comes back if we hope things start happening and you've got mayhem with all these different events that weren't supposed to be happening, whether it's the Derby or the Masters and football and the NBA and the Stanley Cup, if all that stuff's happening, people are just going to say to baseball, hey, man, no one cares, right? We had nothing. You guys could have filled the void.
You didn't because you fought about money. Now we've got all this other stuff.
Have fun being over there and us not caring about it yeah yeah yeah it'll be tough it'll be tough i had one more question about something i saw last weekend uh it was right after the match was over between tiger and phil and it was the tiger slam documentary that came out on the golf channel uh were you surprised at how many people tweeted at you and were like hey scott you used to have hair no it's a it's a common um it's a common tweet that i get anytime anything of the old days with me with hair surfaces and i'm always baffled by the premise of that tweet as if this is how i've looked my entire existence yeah there's little cat there's little cat pictures there's little pfc pictures like little elementary school fourth grade wherever just looking like you know didn't have the long hair or whatever didn't have the the mustache or you know whatever i was always this height though yeah you were born that way yeah just came out of the wound five nine and a half that must have been a hell of. My mom, she's a tough lady.
She's a warrior, understood. But no, it's always the same thing.
It's holy shit, Van Pelt used to have hair. I'm like, yep, I actually did.
And there was a time when it was rather luxurious. Yeah.
Some would even say like, you know, borderline hot. Maybe not borderline.
Maybe like just full hot. But, you know, things have changed do you ever dream and in the dream you have here i don't i can't remember i don't isn't dreaming like like when you're in the video game like you know in the video game when they show like those incredible vistas but really when you play the game you don't see them because you see them through the eyes of the person like that's in the game you know what i Yeah.
Like in the dream, you don't see yourself because you're looking through your own eyes.

Yeah, but maybe you caught yourself in the rearview mirror in your Porsche, you know,

going down the 101. I don't think that's never – I typically – if I'm in a car, I typically don't look

up and to the right because if I do, I could see Peter North.

You know?

Yeah, that's true.

An old wound. I have a feeling you don't dream.
Is that what you're saying? You don't have dreams? No. I have dreams, but I don't know if I have hair in my dreams.
That's the easiest answer I have. I'm really just trying to psychoanalyze you right now.
Have your teeth ever fallen out in a dream? Yeah, all the time. That's a time that's like a very common one that means that you're uh yeah that means that you can't get a boner i mean i've heard that other people have it hank hank has that dream all the time um what about you know be a sick rumor to start it's really taking a left from my accusations of you cheating uh on on a video game to infertility you know it'd be a sick rumor to start though scott that's a whole other deal yeah if you if if the rumor got out there that you were like john clayton and that you had a ponytail that just came like right out of the base of the back of your head that would be a cool rumor about you if i did i'd whip it around at the end of every show like that'd be my sign off like that just to let everybody know we you know what i mean? We'd get to the end and I would...
Carol Burnett 100 years ago, kids, you don't even know she used to touch her ear, I think that was her thing. I could just get to the end and I'd whip it around like I was in a great ska band.
Do you ever feel bad that you made Stanford Steve shave his head because you didn't want to be the only bald guy? Now he was... Neither's like you guys, neither one of you are ever going to have to deal with this, but he was just on the same sort of, he was on the same flight plan as me.
I was his ultimate final destination, so he just said, alright, the hell with it. It's like when you're in a sorority with somebody and they all link up on their cycle.
Yeah, you guys just made sure, and you got Rosillo in it too, and he used to have hair, and now he's, you know. Well, he's still hanging on.
Is baldness contagious? Yeah. If you shake Scott Van Pelt's hand, you lose your hair? Did you just compare me and Stanford, Steve, to girls in a sorority that have the same cycle? Yeah, you guys are linking up on your hair cycle.
That's what happened. Yeah.
Man. That's exactly what happened.
I should have just ignored this text from Big Ketter. I was ready to take ownership of some things, but not everything.
You knew this was coming because I saw too many tweets about it. I haven't had a chance to listen yet, but I will go listen to SV.
Yes, I will. I'm going to listen to it on the way home tonight.
We do have to now. People are going to badger us until we play a game against each other.
So we'll figure out.'t know how whatever we'll do it eventually we'll do something yeah whatever we'll play somebody can film it and they can tell people what happens and then you know you also have all you have all the film on me so that's that's an issue as well like soon as i do the roll out and there's that there's that one roll to the right and throw it to the back out of the back we're just gonna we're gonna we've seen we've seen that play on tape quite a bit I might not we're good there I might not score um all right well Scott thank you as always I appreciate it even though you did accuse me of cheating um it's called coaching try it sometime maybe stop taking shortcuts with your team and good luck tonight against Auburn in the national title, right?

Yep, yep, we're excited about that.

I'll make sure to let you know how that goes.

And again, my guys are absolutely juiced.

My guys are nuclear, toxic juice bar guys.

That's what they are.

But we're going to try to win the natty and bring it back to College Park.

Let's go to Bentley.

I love it. All right, talk to you later, man.
See you, boys. See you, Scott.
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So I was hoping it was going to be this summer. But of course, all this craziness, it got pushed back a year, but that is still my goal.
So I'm still training and just another year of training. So that's basically what I'm doing and just being a dad and my husband.
Yeah. Were you bummed out that it got postponed or do you see that extra year as like, hey, this is another year for me to get in better shape? Well, in the beginning when I first found out about it on the news, I mean, I was a little disappointed.
I mean, I was training so hard. I was ready.
I was doing things in practice that I've never seen before. I was going faster.
So I was like, this was my time. I knew I was ready.
And then we found out and I was just bummed. But then I had to look at the positive side.
And I mean, I get another year of training to get stronger, to work on my technique even more, to tune up some things. So hopefully it will be better for me.
Yeah. Are you training right now? Are you able to train right now? Yeah.
Okay. Yeah.
So yeah, we have a pool, which is amazing because a lot of people in the country and world,

they don't have a pool right now.

Yeah.

And doing the workouts in my garage and everything.

So I'm still doing everything I can to stay fit and, you know,

just waiting until all this is over.

Yeah.

I've always loved stories about Olympic swimmers diets. What diet diet are you eating right now? What's your craziest cheat day? Every Friday.
Every Friday since I was a little kid, I have pizza and wings. Nice.
Yeah, so that is definitely my cheat day. Okay.
Wait, is Phelps officially retired? Have you talked to him at all? Yeah, he's officially retired. But? There is no but.
Oh, okay. I mean, that's all I got.
That's all I know. That's all I know.
That he's retired and he's like loving life, just being a dad and everything. So no but on that.
Okay. We had a fun interview with last time you came in that was what like two years ago yeah i think something like two years ago but we didn't get to ask you the question that i had circled in my notebook that i wanted to ask you so i have to bring it up now um your dog very good boy it was carter right that was the name of your of your pup Your dog turned eight years old for three consecutive years on Twitter.

Three years in a row on October 23rd, you wished Carter a happy eighth birthday.

Do you want to clarify that?

Is it a magic dog that doesn't age?

That was my fault.

It wasn't Carter's fault?

No, he was born in October 23rd, 2008. Okay.
Yes. Okay.
But, um, he, uh, he passed away about, I'd say about four or five months ago. I'm sorry.
Fuck. Yeah.
We'll celebrate his eighth birthday again this october 23rd and

yes yeah keep the memory going harder day yeah yes um our our intern is probably the biggest fan ryan lochte fan in the world and we asked him to send us some questions so can we fire off some questions from our intern billy football you got um his first question was how far can you swim underwater and he he threw in, I can swim 50 yards, and I passed out. I was trying to be a Navy SEAL.
100 yards. You can? Yeah.
Not 110? I was pushing it. I was pushing it, yes.
That's insane. When was the last time you did that? A long time ago when I was younger.
How long can you stay underwater if you're not moving um i don't know maybe about five minutes holy shit you're like a dolphin holy shit that's crazy uh billy wanted to know what's your favorite type of pool solution chlorinated salted um chlorinated okay okay so cross off salt uh he also noticed he didn't put brackish in there that's true he didn't brackish water sucks yeah uh he says do you think chlorine does brain damage i know your hair has turned green from chlorine before have you thought about what it does to your brain i don't think that billy knows that you don't swim with your brain exposed to to water yeah um i mean as a swimmer you do swallow chlorine water but i don't think it affects your brain at all okay yeah well uh he asked what do you listen to while swimming nothing okay no he said he said before i know i made him look stupid he said before swimming but i made him look stupid what do you listen to before swimming before swimming um any kind of hip-hop i love hip-hop uh my artist is Lil Wayne. Okay.
Okay. What are your dry land workouts? I saw you drag a tire with chains once.
Yes. So that was back in the day I was doing like strongman workouts.
You know, just something different. But right now it's just a lot of Olympic lifting and a lot of core.
Okay. This one's a little tough, but I'm going to ask it.
He wants to know, would you have sex with a mermaid for an Olympian child for America, of course? Yeah, if the mermaid was my wife, I'd love to. Okay, let's just say your wife says, hey, Ryan, I know you have to have sex with this mermaid so that we can win every gold medal ever.
Would you do it? I think she'd be inclined to take one for the team. Okay.
All right. So, yes, that's a yes if we can ever find a mermaid.
Here's another tricky one. Billy wants to know about the Olympic Village.
There's always a news story that comes out where they say, like, oh, there are 50,000 condoms that gotlympic village billy says it's true would you trust those condoms or do you think that they are defective on purpose so that they can create more olympians stay woke oh wow now that you brought it up i don't even know um i think i'd have to go they're safe okay because they're just trying to be safe for every, make everything possible, like just safe environment. So safe.
All right. So this one is actually my question, but it's kind of in the Billy vein.
You know, on all the swimming teams you've been on, Florida, you know, the Olympics, how many people have you swam with that had webbed toes? I don't think any. That seems like it would be illegal.
I've got one webbed toe. You do? My middle two toes on my right foot.
They're halfway webbed. They don't go all the way to the end.
I'm talking about actual web. I mean, I'll show you.
I'll show you. It's kind of freaky.
All right. Let's see.
See these right here? These two? Wait, no. Turn it to me.
These two. No, dude.
That's a regular looking toe. I roasted on line for my feet.
Oh, it's a little webbed that angle. But it's not webbed to the point where you connect it and you can...
You should become a swimmer. I should try to swim.
Okay. This one is from our other intern, Jake.
He said, I'm not Billy, but would be cool to get his thoughts, stories from being on Florida campus in 2007 with Tebow Hernandez Pouncey's Noah uh Joe uh Alf Horford Cam Newton and Dan Bilzerian um I knew all of them really Dan Brazilian yeah yeah he probably wasn't there probably lied about that too so wait did out with all of them? No, not really. Because, I mean, the swimmers, we were just like, all the swimmers were really close and we kind of just hung out with the other swimmers.
But yeah, I mean, you'd see them around in campus and you'd just say, hey, what's up? Yeah, everyone's really nice. Would you ever be be like it's so sweet how you guys can do literally anything even including like against the law things and then urban meyer will save you i see i don't know that um okay all right yeah that's a good question though by me yeah yeah did you ever see tim tebow stay in the night over at a girl's house no oh okay um We have a fun game that we wanted to play with you.
It's called, wait, how do you say it? Are we still saying Jia? Jia? No, all that stuff was a long time ago. Oh, fuck.
Well, the game was Jia or No Jia, so I guess Jia is No Jia? It's No Jia no Gia. And you're saying it wrong.

It's Gia.

Gia.

So Gia is no Gia.

We're not.

No Gia, but if you want to play the game, we can play it.

Okay.

You want to play the game?

Yeah, let's try to play the game.

All right, we're just going to say some stuff to you.

Just list some things.

You tell me if it's a Gia or no Gia.

Yep.

Doing chores.

No Gia.

Moving.

No Gia. It's also a chore.
I was trying to do that. Beers with the boys No Gia.
Moving. No Gia.

It's also a chore.

Beers with the boys.

Gia.

Call of Duty.

Gia.

Okay.

Mumford and Sons.

No Gia.

No Gia.

Oh, fuck.

Sublime.

Sublime?

Yeah.

Gia.

Gia.

It's a half Gia. It's a Gia.
Yeah. Okay.
Snorkeling. Gia.
Okay. Family Guy.
Gia. Yeah, that was a solid Gia.
Hamburgers. Gia.
Okay. All right.
Pizza and Buffalo Wings. Gia, Gia, Gia, Gia, Gia, Gia, Gia.
I think that's it. That's it.
Yeah, that's's perfect the final boss oh man so all right so i have uh so when you're training what's the what's the most you've swam in a day the most i swam in a day was probably about 14 000 meters, well, 1,500 is one mile. Almost a mile.
Oh, no, that's 10 miles. Nine miles.
Six miles? Wait, 14,000 meters? Six and a half? 14,000 meters? Wait, how many meters? 14,000. 14,000 meters equals miles.
That feels about right. I feel like it's somewhere between.
8.6 miles. Damn.
8.6. There you go.
Holy shit. And were you tired? Oh, 100%.
Okay. All right, so you are human.
Yeah. What mile marker were you tired after seven? I'd probably say around, no, no, like probably around five or six.
Okay. Jesus Christ.
You just kept going? That's insane. I just kept going.
I said, screw it. Are you ever bored when you're swimming? No.
Really? No. What do you think about? Yeah.
I mean, I don't really think about much while I'm swimming, but I love racing and that's why I'm still swimming now. So you can race all the time in practice.
You race the other guys and then you can talk shit to them afterwards if you beat them or anything like that. What about – have you ever thought about doing high diving in the Olympics? No way.
Why?

I just, nope.

Okay.

I mean, I'm not afraid of heights.

Sounds like you are.

No, it's just, I mean, I can jump off the high dive.

That's about it.

I ain't doing no flips or anything.

Okay.

I've always wondered, you know,

that little shower that they let the divers hang out in,

in between dives. They just like kind of go stand underwater for a while.
do they do that why do they have to go stand in a faucet i don't even know yeah and then the hot tubs they have a little hot tubs yeah they have a hot tubs maybe it's uh to keep warm i have no idea um have you ever thought about playing water the pool is cold yeah have you ever thought about playing water polo i played for just like a intramural like just for like shits and giggles and were you good no i was good at like when you start like swimming out to the ball i can do that yeah right at the start yeah everything else not so good what about what about handball have you ever played handball. All right.
Well, you can play on our team if you want.

We're putting together an Olympic team for you.

Oh, all right, all right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's a big GIA.

Big GIA.

Huge GIA for handball.

Is there like one endurance sport that you would be shockingly bad at?

Running.

Really?

Yeah.

You're not fast?

No.

Okay. What about? I'm not.
Yeah. no, no running, no.
I have bad knees and I wouldn't make it past the mile. Wow.
All right, do you have any questions for us? No. Yeah, that was a fucked up question by me.
That was kind of. That was a curveball in this interview.
What are you guys up to now during this whole craziness?

We're hanging out, interviewing Ryan Lochte.

Hanging out?

Yeah.

I'm playing video games. I whooped up on Florida on Sunday night.

No big deal.

Oh, yeah?

On what?

NCAA 14.

14?

Yeah.

That's the last time they made the game, so I whooped up on you guys.

No big deal.

I don't even know.

Yeah.

I just play Call of Duty. Oh, really? You should link up with Hank.
Yo, you should squad up with Hank. You want to play on our channel? I mean, if my kids give me time, I would.
Okay. Yeah, we should.
Hank's basically a professional. How old's your kid? He turns three in about two weeks.
Okay. Are you sure that's his birthday, not the Carteran?

Yeah.

We should definitely get you to play UFC

against Billy. Yes.

He's your biggest fan, so that would be awesome.

Let's do it. We'll do it.

I gotta get the game then. Let's squad up.

Ryan, thank you so much, man.

You're always welcome on. We appreciate you

joining us. Thank you for having me.

Yeah, let's squad up, play some video games.

Hey, you got it.

All right.

Love it, man.

All right.

Have a good one.

Good luck with everything, man.

That interview with Ryan Lochte was brought to you by our great friends over at Peloton.

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Okay. Let's finish up with a Mount flush more and some faqs so mount flushmore of car accessories is going to be today's mount flushmore mount flushmore of car accessories the car stick is not eligible no because we know it would be on the mount rush right yes in fact you could say that the center console knockoff car stick that prevents you from losing something is on the flush.
Oh, yeah. What's up, Hank? You're giving me a look.
It's pensive. You have to start.
No, I'm starting. You have the second pick.
You have the second pick. Okay.
I will start with truck nuts. Truck nuts are the Mount Flushmore of car accessories.
Okay. You see a dude with truck nuts, he is 100% a douchebag.
Unless he's in Real Bros of Simi Valley. Shout out our friend Jimmy Tatro.
See, I would say the truck nuts can be hilarious. No.
The truck nuts are very funny. In an irony poisoning way? In an iron eye poisoning way.
So this is where i struggled a little bit with this because

i sat and i thought would be on my mount rushmore of car accessories not even i just put them on my

flush more not even you who has maybe been poisoned by irony a time or two in his life

would put on truck nuts i would not right so there you go you wouldn't because you know that like

also if you if you have truck nuts i'm pretty sure that if you get in a road rage you have to

try to kill the other person oh yeah it means like let's fight right it means let's fucking go

Hank, you have to try to kill the other person. Oh, yeah.
It means, like, let's fight. Right.
It means, like, let's fucking go. Hank, you should get truck nuts for your wheelies, your heelies.
That would be cool. Now, that would be funny.
One set of nuts on each foot. Yeah.
Okay. Next, Hank.
All right. I had a completely different, I don't know, I was misconfused by this Mount Rushmore.
I will go with the family bumper stickers yep okay good one great one also i'm gonna give you the whole like family of the family bumper stickers because you also have the whole industry of people who have family bumper stickers that make fun of the family bumper stickers but they don't realize they're also douchebags like the people who have like all their dogs or it's like a it's like an ak-47 a grenade launcher like you're like yeah but you also a family of weapons yeah yeah so i good one yeah i saw a family bumper sticker where the dad was doing crossfit right as his stick figure right right just so you know i work out my family's not in as good shape as. Yeah.
Okay. Good one.
Phillip Rivers has one that just goes across his entire back window.

It's the entirety of the car.

It is literally the car.

My first one is going to be beaded seat covers.

They're so uncomfortable.

Good one. So seat covers in general are designed to be comfortable, to make you feel better.

I don't know who sits down on beaded seat covers and isn't immediately like, this sucks.

It feels like I'm sitting down on like a hundred little turtles. Yep.
It's awful. It makes you so much more uncomfortable.
Yep. Good one.
Good one. My next one.
Who the fuck does that? My next one is going to be an aux cord that doesn't reach the back seats. An aux cord that is like a foot, two feet long, and only the person in the front can blow up the car.
But isn't that the whole point? Only limiting... No, because a lot of times...
Yeah, it's your car. A lot of times the people that sit in the back seat have the better mixtapes than the people that sit up there.
Right, but if it's your car, you're like, I want to listen to my music. No, but then if you don't want to listen to your music, you only have one person next to you that can do it.
Yeah, I agree, but I'm just saying, I could see how that could be like, hey, I don't want anyone else playing music in my car. It's kind of psychotic.
Yeah, it is. I agree.
I'm just saying. But yeah.
Okay. I like beaded seat covers.
That one's so bad. They suck.
Like, that's so, so bad. Hank, your pick.
Interior lights that go underneath your car. Yeah.
Interior floor lights. Yeah, the neon underglow.
You're talking about the underbelly? Yes. Good one.
That exterior can be kind of badass, maybe, potentially, kind of like truck nuts, but somewhat, like if you have a sick car with some sick neon underlights, kind of cool. Some chicks might like that.
Yeah. If you have it on the inside, there's no point.
Yeah, I would say if we're relating it to which type of person would do the truck nuts versus the underbelly i would say jason kelsey probably has truck nuts travis kelsey probably has the neon light under his car um all right my next one will be i'll go with i'll go with the uh oh how about the exhaust the muffler that is tricked out to be the loudest thing in the entire world and you can hear you coming from a million miles away and you are a grade a douchebag yeah i never really understood that one it's insane i think it's just to warn daughter's parents like don't let your daughter out the door if this pulls up outside it's also crazy when it's on a car that like doesn't have that big of an engine that's actually my favorite when it's a honda civic si right but i i expanded the muffler and then this one's going to be a little rare but i'm sure you guys have seen it uh the front lights eyelashes psycho move that's usually like though well fellas, a VW bug, throw the eyelashes on, have probably own at least three pugs. Like the Venn diagram for pug ownership and eyelashes on your car is a big circle.
And, yeah, probably living a life alone and your car is your, like, partner. Well, it's the female equivalent of having the mustache that goes across the grill.

It's kind of the female equivalent of Chuck nuts.

It's like the,

something's not right with you.

Here's me announcing it to the entire world.

So we don't even have to have a conversation.

You can just see me pull in and I'll know to stay away.

Yeah.

Very bad accessory.

Be careful of those people.

I feel like,

especially like when you have like the school board meeting.

Yeah. When that person shows up, it's a problem.
Can I throw a flag on what you said a second ago about the Pugs? I feel like the Pugs, that's more of a... What's the old Honda Element? The boxy Honda SUV? Oh, but you could put eyelashes on that.
I would say that it's more of a cat car if you have the eyelashes on the front. It's like you own five cats if you have those.
Yeah, well, five cats and three pugs are kind of the same thing. Yeah, they're equivalent.
They're very equivalent. All right.
Hank, your pick. I will go with lifted tires if you lift your tires.
Is that an accessory? Yeah, we'll count that. But what if you have a small penis? See, this one, I was honestly thinking, like, car accessories.
I was thinking things that come with your car, like the check engine light. Fuck the check engine light.
Yeah, that's a feature. Yeah, I guess I was thinking car features, not car accessories.
I don't know. I guess...
No, that can count, though. The lifted tires, like lifting up a car.
I would say lifting up a car that doesn't need to be lifted if you never drive off-road. Right.
Yes. Absolutely counts.
Okay. Yeah.
All right. My next one, I'm going to go with a big-ass spoiler on a car that can't go over 80 miles an hour.
Having that big thing, weighing it down in the back, it makes it look like your car could race. Yep.
And I'm sure that the person that has that spoiler also has the modified muffler. Yep.
To be like, yeah, my car might not be fast,

but it's certainly loud.

Not at the same time, though,

because it's like you got to do the payment plan

for the muffler and then the payment plan for the spoiler.

Yes.

Okay.

Your last pick, PFT.

My last one.

I'm going to go with a radio that changes colors all the time.

Oh, that's a good one.

Because it's so distracting.

Remember the radios, the CD player that you would take with you?

So it couldn't get stolen.

You'd take the face with you.

You'd lock it in your glove compartment.

Yep.

Hank doesn't remember that.

Yeah, that was old school.

But that's when you got an aftermarket one put in at Best Buy,

and it cost you $250, and you spent all your money on it.

So you're like, I'm going to take this into class with me,

and you just walk around with that in your book bag. You should be happy, Hank, that you've just kind of lived the life of Bluetooth.
Because it used to be. I had the fucking tape deck.
Yes. The tape deck.
The tape deck. Basically my whole life.
It would go into the CD player. And I had the one that you had the tuner.
You had to tune it. And that sucked.
That one was awful. That always one time I was driving, I think I was actually driving to UMass, and it's like in the middle of nowhere, and my tuner wasn't working, and all of a sudden I got caught.
There must have been another group of kids that were also driving to UMass on this long road, and I got onto their frequency, and I just tailgated them for like 20 miles because I could hear their music. You just mooched off their music.
I like that. So you could potentially get into a battle with somebody and force your music onto their stereo.
That would be pretty sick too. It's like going to your neighbor's house with a universal remote and changing their channel through the window.
Yeah. Yeah.
Wait, your – no, that was yours. I do think that Hank's right though about the tape deck aux sounding so crystal clear.
Oh, yeah. To me, the tape deck aux that was hooked up to your Discman sounds clearer than plugging in an aux cord to your iPhone right now.
Science will never reach that level of sophistication that we had in the year, what, 2001, 2002 when we developed that? Yes. Car seats.
If you don't have a kid, those things are a real bitch to deal with. Why would you have one for you? Well, no, but it's like on my Mount Flushmore of car accessories.
Hank will never. I wouldn't have a kid those things are real bitch to deal with and anyone you have one of you well no but it's like if it's like on my mount flushmore of of car accessories hank will never i will get a car seat if he doesn't have a kid hank's on record and even like when you get in when you're with people that have kids you can look at me when you say it like no no this is a general is a general thing it's a general thing like oh and then all of a sudden it's like oh well there's a you have to factor in the car you're literally describing the first time we got in my car after i didn't No, no, that's a general.
Look at me. Look's a general thing.
Like, oh, and then all of a sudden it's like, oh, well, you have to factor in the car seat. You're literally describing the first time we got in my car after I installed my car seat.

No, no.

That's a general.

Just look at me.

Look at me in the face.

That's something that's happened to me many times in my life.

I'm sorry that I want my son to live.

All my friends with kids.

If I ever got, God forbid, in a car accident, just look at me.

You just had, yeah.

No, that was just a general one.

It is a top thing that people that have kids bitch about all the time.

It's like, no, I don't want, I can't, I can't go over and pick you up. My car seat's there.
It's a great excuse to get out of driving places. It sucks.
It sucks. All right, my last one.
Do you think anyone puts a car seat in their car that doesn't have a kid just so that they can get out of a speeding ticket or something like that? It would be. Sorry, I'm tired of that kid.
Or just not have to carpool. Although they'd probably be like, eventually, you don't have a kid.
Do you have a child? Yeah, you don't have a kid. Okay, my last one.
Oh, how about some good old-fashioned... What the fuck did I write down here? What the fuck did I...
Oh, how about some good old-fashioned racing stripes? Or if you want to get even crazier with it, have you ever seen the fake bullet holes or whatever kind of sticker you put on your side? Yeah, the flames, the racing stripes. Any sticker on your car is so insane.
Yeah, I mean, what you've been describing is like your car that you've put together with your Mount Flushmore is just the world's biggest puddle of mud fan. Yeah, slash the shittiest weed you could ever buy would be from this guy.
Yes, yeah. It's going to give you a headache.
You take one hit. You don't get high.
You throw up. Well, no.
You're paranoid and you call the cops on yourself. No, there's two.
There's the guy who's going to sell you it. He's got the muffler, the truck nuts, and the racing stripes, and then Karen will pull up with the eyelashes and call the cops on you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I've just,

that's a really bad scene.

I've painted any others that we missed.

Yeah.

I mean,

Calvin pissing on anything.

Yes.

I don't like that.

Yes.

I'd agree with that.

Any,

any bumper sticker that's trying to make like a real statement,

the peace one.

It's like,

come on,

man.

Yeah.

The coexist one.

And then you combine that with it's like redneck cousin the coexist one that's just a bunch of weapons yeah where the o is like a hand grenade yeah that one i respect any bumper sticker though it's like this this car climbed because that's that's that's cool that's a hard feat yeah because then you can also think like holy shit that car really did go that car's seen some stuff Yeah. The 13.1 bumper sticker's bad.
If you

put the half marathon bumper sticker

on the back, that's an issue.

I actually think there's a new

number one leader when it comes

to distances that's way worse. The 0.0.

I think that's the lamest. That one

used to be funny. Yeah, now it's lame.

Now it's so lame. It's like, okay,

that's actually, it's kind of similar

to the offshoot

family ones that are making fun of the

original family one. The 0.0 is now worse than the half mile.
Yeah. Half marathon.
So what's next? 0.5? Yeah. Or it's probably going to be like, they're probably going to have a play on like, or like, you know, it's going to be like 2.0 beers or potato chips your blood alcohol content yeah 0.08 that's the next one yeah that'll be a real hoot um what about uh fluffy steering wheel bobbleheads in the front the fluffy steering wheel i can go either way on because if it's a van then it's cool yeah if it's not.
Yep. The no fat chick sticker.
That's a bad one. The skull that's on top of a gear shift, but it's an automatic car that you're driving and not a manual.
Any type of, yeah. Yeah, that one's pretty bad too.
Yeah, either way, we should just make like a Frankenstein car and just have all of these things. That's what Elon Musk should do for his next next car instead of having a car that's very easy to throw a brick through upcharge it yeah yeah be like hey all the accessories look well i'll put six antenna balls on the front of your car bringing it all in um all right let's finish our show we got faqs we got to come up with a documentary to watch for next week uh What about that sour grapes one? Oh, yeah, sour grapes.

The one where the guy defrauds a bunch of...

Liam, it's your job.

You have to remind us sour grapes sometime next week.

Before Thursday, you have to remind us, watch sour grapes.

Hank's going on vacation.

I've been getting into the Jeffrey Epstein documentary that just came out on Netflix.

We will not be discussing that because that will just make you think the worst of everybody.

Yeah.

Yeah. All right, Hank.
Finish us off with some FAQs. Are you guys ever nervous about saying you hate someone on air when there's a chance you could have that person on as a guest in the future? Ooh, let's pick somebody that we haven't had on to say that we hate right now.
We might not even hate him. But let's just pick some.
this will be a good way to get a dialogue going on the internet that we can

then convert into having our guest booker Leroy. to say that we hate right now.
We might not even hate him, but let's just pick some, this will be a good way to get a dialogue going on the internet

that we can then convert

into having our guest booker,

Leroy, invite them on the show.

So who's one celebrity?

Chrissy Teigen.

We've tried.

Lord knows we've tried

with Chrissy Teigen.

No, usually though,

to answer the question,

I don't,

I think it's funnier

when you just admit it.

Like, hey, here are some tweets I said. But let's think.
Okay, so who's active on social media? Think in the sports world, football, Wade Phillips. Yeah, fuck you, Wade Phillips.
I hate Wade Phillips. Yeah.
And you know what? I don't think that he'd ever even do an interview. No.
He's too pussy.

You know who would do an interview?

His dad.

I'm dressed like his dad right now. Yeah, rest in peace.

R.I.P., I love Bum Phillips.

Yep, he would definitely man up and do an interview.

But Wade, no way.

Do people forget that you used to have a segment called People Forget That?

People forget it?

No, I guess people don't because they...

Oh, this person.

Yeah.

Yeah, they just said that they didn't remember.

People don't forget it.

Yeah, people don't forget that.

I feel like that's probably a good amount of people that are like, oh, shit. By the way, is there an FAQ about what today is? Nope.
Do you know what today is? I know what today is. Today is the anniversary of something very important.
But we can't. It's not funny yet.
Right. That guy, did you see the guy who tweeted me asking if it's funny to make Karambe jokes? Like, nope, check back next year.
Was having a debate with a friend. Would you guys rather be sweating inside during peak summer with no AC or freezing inside with no heat during peak winter? Freezing inside.
Oh, I don't know, dude. Have you ever had your heat die? Yeah, you can always layer up.
You haven't had your heat die then? I've had my heat die before. In a cold weather city? In a pretty cold weather environment.
Yeah, it doesn't. I had my heat die in Chicago when it was 10 degrees out and you cannot, like, you can't move.
It gets so, so cold inside. It was like 51 degrees in Texas, which is the equivalent to negative 15 in Chicago.
No, it's, I would, if I hadn't gone through that, I would not not i would not answer it that way because i am a big believer in like i'd rather be cold than hot but it was like you couldn't do anything the only bad part about three space heaters in a small bedroom and it still was freezing i'm gonna agree with you in the fact that like the worst part about being hot is the sweat just sitting in your apartment sweating everywhere that sucks if it's super cold, you layer up and you still get the sweat a little bit. But it's also cold on all the exposed parts.
When it gets so cold. And this might be just me talking as somebody that does not currently have an air conditioner.
And it was like 80 degrees last weekend. And that was miserable right there.
Yeah. But you can also, I think if you, it sucks to be that hot with no AC, but you also, I think there's a level of like, once you start sweating and you're like, you know what, this is it.
Like, I'm gonna basically wear nothing. Like, I'm gonna wear, you know, a small t-shirt, take off my t-shirt, wear some shorts, no underwear.
You can almost like figure it out. The part I like about the cold is anytime it's like bone chilling cold in your apartment, it takes you.
You become Bear Grylls. Right.
Man versus wild. So you're like you're envisioning yourself trapped in the outdoors.
You're like, I'm going to create a nest using every blanket in my house. Right.
And you feel like you're a survivor, man. Right.
What was the most average interview you have ever done? Average interview. That's a very good question.
I would say... This is kind of a mean thing, right? An average interview.
Why would Arnold be an average? Nothing. Average interview.
Spam call. Average interview.
Tell us an average. David Spade.
Average. Yeah.
Yeah, he, you could tell, I'd say the average interviews are the ones where it's a press tour and they don't, they're like on like stop four of nine. You can't really get, it's a very hard thing to do.
What would you say, Hank? I kind of agree with what Picat says. Press interviews if there's like a time constraint where it's like 20 minutes.
Mm-hmm. I think Jim Gaffigan was pretty average.
Yep. It was like, yeah, it was good.
Like, it was fun because I like him, but it was like, yeah. Yeah, Pete Holmes, like the guys that aren't sports guys too that are like, but they're big names.
Pete Holmes laughed at our jokes, so that's awesome interview. He was so cool.
He thought we were funny.

I love that guy. When each of you

were growing up, what did you think your career

was going to be? Firefighter.

Baseball player? Same.

Which one?

Baseball player. Oh, I thought you were saying

that. No.
A little Danny Watkins.

Yeah, I guess I don't...

Maybe a police officer?

Batman actually is really the answer?

Batman.

Batman is definitely the answer.

Batman or Raphael from Ninja Turtles.

Those were my two career choices.

I wasn't going to be a bad guy.

I was going to be a good guy.

I was going to catch bad guys.

I was definitely on the path to be Batman.

If your dog killed the family cat and you were the first to see it,

would you cover up the crime for your dog and act like you don't know where the cat is Absolutely Man's best friend What Is his kitten okay I think that's his second cat I didn't know I would absolutely cover up Well let's call him I'll call him I'll ask him Listen if you don't reciprocate the best friend relationship to your dog Then you're no better than a cat Alright we'll call Let's see from the man himself He always picks up If he doesn't pick up I'm going to be very disappointed Hello Daniel Chaps you're on part of my take right now I said you always pick up so thank you for that i we have a we have a hypothetical an faq that got asked and i just randomly selected to call you just to see what you would think um if your family dog killed your family cat and you were the first to find it would you cover up the crime?

This is so fucked up.

Wait, do you know that this is a real story that happened?

Yes.

I didn't.

KFC and Hank didn't.

When Hank said it

I whispered and I was like

like Uncle Chaps?

You just got put on the shit list by my wife so bad you got your dead to her. Well, what did you do? He's laughing.
He's still laughing. What did you do? I'm laughing because I'm nervous.
What did you do? What did you do? Did you cover it up? I can't tell you. She's sitting right here.
I can't say that I put... Went to heaven.
Okay, heaven. All right, so the answer is heaven.

They just went to heaven.

So that is a cover-up.

Heaven.

Dan, what is wrong with you?

Well, Hank asked the question, and I said, did chaps write this?

You violated my trust tonight.

This is a violation.

Well, I mean, I thought, isn't it like, what's the saying?

Comedy time?

Time plus tragedy equals comedy.

It's only been how many?

Two years.

That's enough time.

Well, Harambe is three years.

There's never enough.

Well, how are you guys doing in the grieving scale?

One to ten.

I'm getting to acceptance.

Okay, so maybe next year. Can I call you about this? Yeah, call me next year.
Okay, goodbye, I love you. Bye, goodbye.
That's it. There you go.
The cat goes to heaven. Yeah, it's horrific.
But he didn't cover it up from his whole family. No, he told his whole family.
Yeah. Yeah, no, it was horrific.
I thought you guys knew that. I guess no one knew that.
I might have just violated his trust.

And that's what he said.

Shit.

Well, all right.

We'll see you everyone Monday.

Love you guys. I'm talking away I don't know what to say I'll say it anyway Today's another day to find you Shying away I'll be coming for your love again Shying away I'll be coming for your love again Pleaseless to say I'm upset and

But I need some little way

Slowly learning

The vibe is okay

Say up to me

Say up to me

Say up to me

It's no better to be safe than somebody

Oh

Oh

Oh

Oh

Oh

Oh

Oh

Oh

Oh

Oh

Thank you. Take me on me.
Take me on me. Take me on me.
Take me on me. Take me on me.
Take me on me. me on me I'll be on me I'll be on me I'll be on me Things that stay isn't life all Just a flame of memory Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Take me off Take on me.
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