Joel McHale, Dungeons And Dragons Part 2, And The Match

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Speaker 4 On today's part of my take, we have Joel McHale.

Speaker 4 Great interview with him. And then

Speaker 4 the continuation of our Dungeons and Dragons fantasy adventure. We have our good friend Tim Woods back on to pick up where we left off.
Don't worry, we gave everyone a refresher at the start. and

Speaker 4 we're in some shit. Let's just say that.
Cliffhanger, we're in some shit. We have Hot Seat Cool Throne, a little recap of the match, part due.

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Speaker 4 Okay, let's go.

Speaker 4 Now in the street, there is violence.

Speaker 4 And then I love the sovereign work to be done.

Speaker 4 Low place behind a low-washing.

Speaker 4 And then I can't blame all on the sun. Oh, no, we're gonna run down to Electric Avenue.

Speaker 4 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 4 Oh, we're gonna run down to Electric Avenue. It's Part of My Take, presented by Phone School Sports.

Speaker 4 Welcome to Part of My Take presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now and then go to their Twitch channel, twitch.tv slash cash app.
And they're giving away free money.

Speaker 4 All you got to do is put your cash tag in their chat when they go live. Today is Tuesday, May 26th.
Happy Memorial Day, guys.

Speaker 4 Yeah,

Speaker 4 summer has begun. It just felt like an extra long Tuesday, the entire weekend.
Summer's here, dude. It sucks going outside on Memorial Day and not smelling grilled meats everywhere.

Speaker 4 This is what we should do. We should just make a pledge to each other right now.
Most epic summer ever. Let's do it.
Let's all lose our virginities. Let's go.

Speaker 4 I'm going to take a vacation next week. Fine.
There we go. Go for it, Hank.
Fine. Go for it.
Live your best life. Learn how to surf.
I'm reading a book still. Most epic summer ever.

Speaker 4 This is the summer that I get a six-pack. I really do feel bad for...

Speaker 4 I've been thinking about this a lot. Like, if you're in your 20s, how old are you, Hank? 26.
If you're in your mid-20s,

Speaker 4 you're just giving away a year of your prime. It's prime, prime.

Speaker 4 It's like Sean Payton getting suspended for a year with the Saints. Like, you have just given away a year that you'll never get back.

Speaker 4 Because I think often about, like, oh, man, remember when I was in my 20s? It was awesome in the summer. If I had to give one of those years away,

Speaker 4 even worse.

Speaker 4 Even worse.

Speaker 4 I think, you know, while I do appreciate your sorrow for me and people of my age group, I think the real, the people that really suffer are the kids more in Billy's age group that are 18 and 22.

Speaker 4 And it's like your summer job is only for money for beer. And every single night, you're going hard.

Speaker 4 Like when I was, when I was that age, it was truly, the summer was truly like any money I got was just going back into like the party fun. Counterpoint.
And that summer sucks.

Speaker 4 Counterpoint, though, if you're between 18 and 22, you still have your entire 20s summers to look forward to. True.
Like there is still some great summers.

Speaker 4 If you're in your late 20s, the clock is ticking on your like that vibe that you get when it's summertime. You're like, I'm not really going to work that hard.

Speaker 4 I'm going to go on a bunch of trips, maybe a bunch of bachelor parties. I'm just going to go balls to the wall.
I have a little cash in my pocket. You're losing a prime year.
And guess what?

Speaker 4 You're going to have to retire soon anyway. Even your late 20s, that's almost even too late.
Like, I would say

Speaker 4 if you just graduated college, you get this entire year is going to be a free roll for you. You get to celebrate next summer just like you were supposed to celebrate this summer.

Speaker 4 It's, you know what it's like? It's basically you need to just update your stat sheet for running back carries.

Speaker 4 you miss an entire year so when you're 30 you got fresh legs and people are like well he's a 30 year old running back it's like dude not many touches in the summer of 2020 yeah you're still healthy you've got both your livers i think you have two of those yeah he didn't have he didn't rack up the mileage he's got those fresh legs going i say just just say fuck it this year doesn't count it doesn't count whatever you do this summer does not count on your permanent record we should write a letter be the same age next year yeah this it's a year off that would be awesome that would be sick okay we should do that we didn't age so we're still 29 We're turning 35.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 4 I can't. I'm so pumped to be 23 next year.
You know what they're going to do?

Speaker 4 They're just, they should take what they did with the match two, the rematch of Tiger and Phil and Tom and Peyton and just do it on first name basis.

Speaker 4 Just do it every other week with a different celebrity pairing. Yeah.
I would say but keep Tiger and Phil. Could you imagine if our boy Brooks was matched up with our boy Cuddy?

Speaker 4 That would be electric. That would be sick.
The people's champs. God damn it.
Going after him. So the match two was the big story from the weekend.
It was awesome.

Speaker 4 Tom Brady with the most relatable golf game ever, where on a big stage, just shanked everything and then had one shot that he can go to sleep saying, holy shit, I'm going pro.

Speaker 4 It was everyone's golf game ever. Although he's better than us.
It's a mixed blessing because, yeah, he at least got that one shot where he's like, that was sick.

Speaker 4 Everyone saw that I can hit a good shot. But now he has to keep playing golf for the rest of his life.
Yeah. You can't quit.

Speaker 4 There have been so many times when I've been almost ready to quit golf and then I hit a shot like on the 18th hole, and then I'm like, well, I can't totally quit golf. I play once a year.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I was going to say we play we are a year. We are

Speaker 4 very bad. We quit golf.
We're very bad.

Speaker 4 In fact, once a year. The best hole that we played last year.
What are you talking about? You don't golf? I don't golf. I hit my putter, I think, seven times.

Speaker 4 I just said, fuck it to all my irons and drivers. I was like, I'm just going to putt this par four, and I got a seven on it, which I think is good.
He beat the best hole. Yeah,

Speaker 4 Tony Scheffler to give you money. That's right.
Yeah, I took 200 bucks off him.

Speaker 4 But but yeah it was good to have sports on i didn't think that they were gonna play but they said fuck it let's go full send on this round we're gonna play we're gonna play in the rain it was fun it was my the mic dup helped phil mickelson is great on the mic he's a talker but i love i loved hearing him talk brady was like you could tell how mad brady was but he had to also play it cool because he's tom brady like He's sitting there.

Speaker 4 Peyton Manning has a third of the Super Bowls of him.

Speaker 4 He's beat Peyton Manning pretty much every time they played, and he's losing to him in front of the whole country and he was you could just tell like the inner competitor he had to be like stay cool stay cool and that one shot basically saved him he had said like he had said like no words

Speaker 4 he said no words for like eight holes then he hit that shot and he wouldn't stop talking which is which is also the most relatable thing ever where it's like you don't say shit and then you hit one shot you just start shit talking all your friends i also noticed about peyton manning every time he talks he sounds like he's in the middle of a commercial delivering like a punchline in a commercial yes he just speaks in these little sound bites it was also relatable like uh brady hit that putt when phil Mickelson drove the green on that par four and Brady hits the putt and then they do the little like, are we going to hide?

Speaker 4 Are we going to high five? Are we going to arms? Social social distancing?

Speaker 4 The only complaint I had, it was actually like very, very enjoyable. The only complaint I had was I wish they had just shit talked a little bit more.

Speaker 4 Because it was, we had the, you know, oh yeah, Tennessee hasn't been relevant since you've been there, Peyton. Or, oh, Eli would have made that putt.
Like the little stuff.

Speaker 4 I wanted them to go in on each other a little bit. Yeah.
Ty's like kissing your your sister, but me beating you is like making out with your son. Right.

Speaker 4 That's sort of like really kind of go at each other. Exactly.
Yeah. They did a little bit.
At the start, Peyton brought up Nick Foles to Brady when he was chipping.

Speaker 4 And Brady stopped what he was doing. He's like,

Speaker 4 don't say the NF word. Yeah.
Or like, or like if Peyton's, you know, Brady outdrives Peyton and be like, eh, probably need to hit up your wife for some more of that HGH, Peyton. Like shit like that.

Speaker 4 That's what I wanted. The real shit.
And then Phil's like,

Speaker 4 did you say wife? Don't say that word around Tiger. He'll fuck her.
That kind of shit. Is it Phil Mickelson's wife? Wasn't she like in really, really good shape?

Speaker 4 Because I remember back in the swimsuit issue in like maybe the late 90s or early 2000s, they did an athlete's wives segment, and it was like Roger Clemens wearing a suit and then his wife wearing a G-string, basically.

Speaker 4 And it was Phil Mickelson and his wife, and she was like in much, much better shape than he was.

Speaker 4 Phil Mickelson, he's always had like the man boobs going on. He looks pretty good right now.
He's pretty good now. But in the late 90s, early 2000s, Phil was a frumpy mess.
Yes, he was.

Speaker 4 But he does look good. And it was fun.
It was like, it was just fun. Those guys seemed like a good time.
And I would watch that again. I would watch that every weekend if they provided it.

Speaker 4 It's like the highest viewed golf match on cable of all time. Really? People love amateur stuff.

Speaker 4 Like, whether it's pornography or it's golfers, it's almost better watching people who aren't professionals do it. It was also great when they just gave up on the shot tracers on the amateurs.

Speaker 4 Like, in the beginning, they tried to trace their shots, and then they realized that. Yeah, we only have it for the fairway.
Right. Tom Brady hasn't even come close.

Speaker 4 Did you feel a little relief, Hank, not having to spin zone every bad shot by Brady at the beginning? No, see, the thing is,

Speaker 4 I still come to bat when I see everyone chirping Tom Brady. Like, that's still, I still get that defensive instinct in me to just come to his defense.

Speaker 4 I know, it doesn't matter that he's on the Buccaneers. People were roasting him unfairly.
It was unfair. Peyton Manning retired 10 years ago.
Obviously, he's better at golf. There you go.

Speaker 4 Okay, so you are the spin zone, yeah.

Speaker 4 Who would you like to see in the next match instead of Peyton and Tommy?

Speaker 4 Tommy I mean someone said MJ MJ would be a lot oh I MJ I was actually thinking about that driving in today I was like could you imagine like and Chuck

Speaker 4 like Charles like each other right now exactly yeah

Speaker 4 Charles would be fun to watch just because

Speaker 4 I mean Justin Thomas call him a fat ass was amazing like that was great TV Charles was asking for tips during it like to the to Immelman and was like wowed by the tips he's like wait keep your head down yeah he's like oh shit yeah that's what I've been doing wrong.

Speaker 4 I mean, credit to Charles Barkley. He doesn't have that hitch in his swing anymore.
He's got a smooth swing.

Speaker 4 He got, what, a bogey or a double bogey? I think he got a double bogey on the 18th hole. Oh, great.
That's an eagle as far as Charles Barkley is concerned.

Speaker 4 Yes. I think golf, I mean, like someone like a huge, like a Wayne Gritzky or like a big hockey guy.
I know hockey guys are pretty big golfers.

Speaker 4 Right. Well, like a big hockey guy, like a legendary,

Speaker 4 a well-known someone that can. I'll tell you what, Sidney Crosby.

Speaker 4 He's been taking the offseason's.

Speaker 4 Someone should do a video golf series with him. Yeah, I'm going to bet.
I'm going to bet that.

Speaker 4 If my guy wit, he would by far be a better personality than anyone else in the NHL right now in terms of on the mic.

Speaker 4 I'm saying like a Wayne, I'm saying like all-time NHL. Right, but I don't care.

Speaker 4 The fun part was less that it was Tom Brady and Pate Manning, and more it was just the live mic and them kind of going back and forth and Phil like explaining things. That was fascinating to me.

Speaker 4 So more of that.

Speaker 4 Other news, all we got is the NFL is proposing the fourth and 15 onside kick substitution, which I like that a lot. Yeah, John Harbaugh is nutting himself right now because

Speaker 4 there's no bylaw in it saying that it has to be for the team that's playing from behind. Right.
So John Harbaugh can now go forward on fourth down after they score a touchdown.

Speaker 4 Well, they're going to, I would imagine they're going to close that loophole because if you are...

Speaker 4 like up 15 if there's like 10 seconds left you could just run around in the backfield that would be sick right so they'll close that loophole either now or after belichick or vrabel takes advantage of it yeah Yeah, I hope that they don't close it.

Speaker 4 Yeah, like at least let us get some chaos in one week and just have like Jameis Winston, have Sean Payton run either double quarterback where it's Jameis Winston and Taysom Hill. They get the snap.

Speaker 4 They just lateral it to each other and keep running backwards towards their own end zone until the clock runs out. That's going to be...
I'm excited to see which coaches use that.

Speaker 4 like early on in the game and which ones save because you get two per game, right? Yeah, but it's the 25-yard line. So that's you give the ball back there.
Yeah. That's quite the flip.

Speaker 4 Scared money doesn't make money. It's true.
And then the sky judge, which should have happened already.

Speaker 4 The thing with the sky judge is that all they have to do is officially call it sky judge or even sky judge 10,000 and no one will ever disagree with it. It doesn't even have to be anything new.

Speaker 4 It could be the exact same system and just say there's a sky judge. You don't.
Sky Judge gets it right. Yes.
Like refs get it wrong. I think we judge gets it right.
We just invented religion.

Speaker 4 Pretty much. Yeah, we have a police department, but also God.
Yeah, he looks over everything. So God knows, he knows everything.
Sky Judge will fix all of your NFL problems. Sky Judge 10,000.

Speaker 4 Call it that. Okay, Sky Judge.
Get kids that were scared of the Terminator when they were kids, like get a little bit fear in me. I'll be like, oh, geez, won't go after Sky Judge 10,000.

Speaker 4 It might get smart and chase me down. SJ 10K.
Yeah, done. Boom.
Done.

Speaker 4 All right. We got Hot Seat, Cool Throne.
You know what that means. It's time to chug some beers.
Some Bud Light Seltzers, excuse me.

Speaker 4 Some refreshing BLSs. What do we got here? Beers with the boys, yeah.
Black cherry and lemon lime. I'll take the lemon lime.
Lemon lime. Still coming off.
You should get some of that vitamin C.

Speaker 4 Such a bender from this weekend. Are you? I'm sick.

Speaker 8 No.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 4 I think it was so depressing. I'm working on a take.
I think you get drunker in your living room drinking alone or with friends

Speaker 4 than you do in a bar with the same amount of drinks. Absolutely.
Like, I can have six beers in my living room and I'll puke on myself, pee myself, and go to sleep.

Speaker 4 If I have six beers in a bar, it's like, okay, my night is one-tenth of the way done. What are you doing? Oh, Hank just took his

Speaker 4 false start. Falstart Hank.
Hank. Boo.
F's in the chat for Hank. It was depressing getting a text from some friends being like, Did you do anything fun for Memorial Day? I'm like, no, dude.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I opened up my window. Of course not.
I had a thrilling game against Florida. I put my rug down.
What? I put it down. Oh, you did? Yeah.
Is it like, does it go up the walls? A little tiny bit.

Speaker 4 And it basically is like my entire living room for the moment. Don't remember.
Hank ordered a rug and 12 by 9 foot rug. Yeah.
It's way too big. Huge news.
I found the Doc Animal couch online.

Speaker 4 Oh, we should buy it for the studio. Yeah, we should.
It's like, I think it's $7,000 worth it.

Speaker 4 I believe it's about $15. It's become pre-fucked.
It's like 15 feet by 50 feet. You know that the guy that's running the factory floor for that couch absolutely christens every one of them.

Speaker 4 Oh, my God. He just breaks his condom on it.
Like it's a ship going out to the ocean.

Speaker 4 All right, here we go.

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Speaker 4 Hank cheated and didn't finish.

Speaker 4 This is so good. I didn't want to.
I just don't want to finish it. No favorite.
All right. Hot seat cool drone.
Let's do it.

Speaker 4 And then we got Joel McHale coming up and Dungeons and Dragons, which is electric. Can I just say that Dungeons and Dragons is my favorite game to play? Yes, it is.

Speaker 4 I actually, I'm going to declare this right now. So the week of July, preceding July 4th, I think the office is closed, right? So we haven't figured out what we're going to do for episodes that week.

Speaker 4 Usually we run a best of. We should definitely do a just

Speaker 4 hour-long Dungeons and Dragons

Speaker 4 that we'll put in. Turns out your imagination is way better than any video game.
Yes, yes. Okay, let's do it.
Hot seat, cool thrown. Hank, why don't you start?

Speaker 4 My hot seat is PFT's boy, his goat, his king, Roy Williams. Okay.

Speaker 4 So Ty Lawson called him out. I mean, everyone knows Roy is a little bit suspect.

Speaker 4 It's not surprising. Second best coach in the ACC.
Ty Lawson went on Instagram stories to call him out and said, who talks shit about someone when you won them a championship? You're weird.

Speaker 4 I got messages from 10 NBA GMs. Wait, wait, stop.
You're weird. That's actually weird.

Speaker 4 And YOUR. Why are you so weird? I was no apostrophe.
I was about to say, yeah, of course, it was Y-O-U-R, right? How was you weird?

Speaker 4 Somebody going on Instagram stories to talk shit about their former coach, weak move. But just dropping a you're weird on you,

Speaker 4 you don't come back from that because everyone knows.

Speaker 4 Yeah, obviously, he's a weirdo. He's a college basketball coach.
And he continued, I got messages from 10 NBA GMs that said it came out your mouth.

Speaker 4 That's why I don't fuck with Carolina or support anything y'all do. It's a blessing that I don't open my mouth about shit.
They asked me why I don't show Loves North Carolina. Roy Williams knows why.

Speaker 4 Oh, so what did he do?

Speaker 4 What were the GMs? I don't know, but he's just on the hot street.

Speaker 4 I think there was something with Ty Lawson. Maybe it was Ray Felton, like Roy Ronk or something.
Roy Williams

Speaker 4 gave a bad recommendation about Ty Lawson. Probably he's not a player's guy.
That's fine.

Speaker 4 Listen, you can keep those words in your dadgum mouth because Roy Williams is still a great coach, best coach in the ACC.

Speaker 4 And Ty Lawson was putting up Instagram stories from his Carolina days up until 2016. Interesting.
So it's somewhat of a recent beef. Interesting.
Okay. You're weird, dude.
You're weird.

Speaker 4 He is a weirdo. I mean, everyone's a weirdo.

Speaker 4 All it takes is one, you know, this is a domino thing, though. It just takes one of these allegations, and then another player comes forward, then another player comes forward.

Speaker 4 All I'm saying is Roy Williams. He should be feeling some heat underneath those buns.
Have we already forgotten about the

Speaker 4 cool throne

Speaker 4 is Mike. That's just fake news.
That's just allegations.

Speaker 4 My cool throne is Mike Tyson. He's in the airways.

Speaker 4 Again, we talked about his movie coming out, the Jamie Foxx Impressions, and now there's videos of him training, him fighting, and he he apparently has been offered $25 million if he gets back in the ring.

Speaker 4 So

Speaker 4 Cool Throwing Mike Tyson, everyone, he's just the hot, he's the hotness. I did see that.
Recurring guest of the show, by the way. That's right.

Speaker 4 I saw that he got offered to fight Sonny Bill Williams, the New Zealand rugby player, who's also the heavyweight champion of New Zealand.

Speaker 4 He's like the best athlete in the history of the island, the South Island, I believe.

Speaker 4 There's like four.

Speaker 4 He's the toughest one. Yeah, and the entire Adams family already moved out to Oklahoma City.
So Sonny Bill Williams is the toughest guy in New Zealand right now.

Speaker 4 I would actually watch that fight because you might remember him from the World Cup when he gave his medal to that kid that sprinted onto the field. Everyone remembers that.

Speaker 4 That was Sonny Pitt Williams. Which World Cup? The Rugby World Cup.
Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 4 That classic moment. No, I buy any Mike Tyson fight.

Speaker 4 I bought the Mike Tyson fights when he was totally washed up and everyone knew he was totally washed up. And it was like, this guy stinks, but he's Mike Tyson.

Speaker 4 If he gets one punch, they should have him play in the next match with Evander Holyfield and they have to share a cart. Perfect.
Perfect. I don't think Mike Tyson does.

Speaker 4 He doesn't seem like he's a big golfer. I feel like if you are a pigeon racer, you're not a golfer.
But he lives in.

Speaker 4 Doesn't he live in Las Vegas? Do you do one or the other? I feel like if you live in Las Vegas, you golfer. Oh, they should get OJ on one of them.
Oh, yeah. Great, Hank.
OJ Simpson. Yes.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 Who's not watching that? O.J. and Mark.
All right. You guys just got all upset with me.
Like, we don't like. No, you're right.

Speaker 4 Who's not watching that? Who isn't watching that? Who has butts in seats? You're right. I would watch.
One in coffins.

Speaker 4 It should be OJ and Mark Furman. Sorry.
I guess you can't. I'm just throwing a hypothetical.
If you guys asked me who would be a good person in the match, Tiger Woods and OJ Simpson as a team.

Speaker 4 They should have AC driving the golf cart that OJ has to just hang on the back of. You're right.
Sorry. Sorry, I guess.
Cool throw. Jeez.
Cool throw?

Speaker 4 Oh, that was your cool throw. That's actually a great idea, Henry.
No,

Speaker 4 whoa.

Speaker 4 He shouldn't get any of the money. I'm anti-O.J.
All for Corona. It would bring awareness to Corona.

Speaker 4 I'm anti-murder, and he blocks me on Twitter, so I wouldn't be able to see him as banger tweets from it. But I do believe that that would be the highest-rated television show of all time.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 My hot seat is rats.

Speaker 4 Rats. New York City rats.
They're starting to panic. They're turning on each other because all the restaurants are closed down.

Speaker 4 And there are families and colonies of rats that have been going to the same restaurants over and over for like

Speaker 4 for like 12 generations or maybe more of these fucking rat colonies. And now those restaurants are out, so they're turning on each other instead of becoming more aggressive.

Speaker 4 So now we've got cannibal rats living under the city right now, which, I mean, that's tough for them. Good for them.
Another thing to worry about.

Speaker 4 Well, they don't want to attack us until they've eaten.

Speaker 4 Eventually they will. Eventually there will be like five giant rats that have gained all the strength of their entire colony.
Right. Then we'll have to deal with the giant rats.
I think that's

Speaker 4 like the start of Teenage Eating Ninja Turtles. Oh, I thought you were going to say it's like the start of like unions.

Speaker 4 One of them will be Splinter. It's a scabby outside.
One of them will be Splinter. Oh, that's right.
Yeah. Good point.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 They'll be disciplined rats. Yes.
Yes. Okay.
I'm fine with that. Yeah.

Speaker 4 My cool throne was going to be John Harbaugh because of the new NFL rules, but

Speaker 4 verbal meme. Whoa.
PFT steering the car off the exit that now says, talk about the NCAA.

Speaker 4 So Reggie Bush said that college athletes are on the hot seats or Reggie Bush is on the cool throne because he doesn't think that college athletes will be able to handle getting paid and compensated for their image and likeness while they're in college.

Speaker 4 Reggie Bush. Reggie Bush said that.
So Reggie Bush has

Speaker 4 didn't handle it well because he got caught. That's true.
And he lost his Heisman. That's true.
So he's not even Heisman Trophy winner, Reggie Bush. No, he's not.
I love when they vacate that shit.

Speaker 4 Like, he wasn't the best player. Ever had football player in a given year.
Yeah, they just do the men in black. Like, Louisville didn't win a national title.
Nope. Just never happened.

Speaker 4 Patino got the tattoo. Yeah, never happened.

Speaker 4 All right, my hot seats is

Speaker 4 my age. And your age too, PFT.
I thought we were 29.

Speaker 4 What the fuck is Outer Banks, man, Hank?

Speaker 4 I started watching it. It's like how is this show? It's the OC meets national treasure.
How is this show popular? Is it ironic? Did you like Big Hat? I mean, it's the OC.

Speaker 4 I understand, but like, I've never

Speaker 4 felt, I've never felt so old watching this show in this shitty dialogue, and these kids run around doing the same shit all the time. Now I got people calling me kooks.
Big time kook energy.

Speaker 4 That's fine.

Speaker 4 Kooks own. PFT, would you rather own two houses, a sick boat, or be running from child protective services all the time? They both sound pretty good.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 But the boat is making me think I'm a kook, too. Kook, yeah.

Speaker 4 I texted Hank a few weeks ago, and I was like, hey, tell me about this show, Outer Banks. I thought that it was like a Jersey Shore except taking place in the Outer Banks.
It's going to be awesome.

Speaker 4 It's so, so, so bad. All right.
It's pretty bad in the beginning. The middle gets so ridiculous that it becomes interesting, like, so bad, it gets good.

Speaker 4 And then the writing at the end of the season is so bad that it's just, it's, it's laughably bad. Okay, so, so, there is a point, though.

Speaker 4 There's a few cliffhangers in the middle of the season that are like, I obviously I was watching with my girlfriend and I was kind of like sitting there rolling my eyes as I'm watching.

Speaker 4 But halfway through the season, I got super into it. It was like, oh my God, like, what is happening next? Wait, what?

Speaker 4 So, you're saying to me, though, so my feeling is correct that people are watching it because it's bad. Well, the hot, John B,

Speaker 4 you know, all the girls love John B.

Speaker 4 My girlfriend put up a John B. shirt.

Speaker 4 It's like the highest-selling shirt on Barcelona in the last

Speaker 4 three months. It's just people are going crazy for John B.
Okay, Sarah Cameron. I like her.
But can I? Because she's like 20. Maybe.

Speaker 4 I'm 29, you're 29. I don't think I can say I like her.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 What's the action? Say that you've heard that the kids like her. Yeah.
I've never seen her. Actually, no, in the show she's like, her crazy.

Speaker 4 So yeah, I think they're about to be. They're seniors in high school.
That's problematic. Okay.

Speaker 4 And the funny thing, the thing that, I mean, there's a lot of things that are just so absurd. And like I said, the writing towards the end gets even more ridiculous.

Speaker 4 But the fact that they call the kid John B., they never, ever, ever just call him John. It's just John B.

Speaker 4 Is there another Jonathan? John B.

Speaker 4 Jonathan, when he went into the fancy store.

Speaker 4 Oh, they call him Jonathan? Yeah, Sarah Cameron was like, this is Jonathan.

Speaker 4 Jonathan B. It's so bad.
You guys don't really. It's so bad.
You're going to finish it, though you don't understand yeah of course I'm gonna fucking finish it the coast

Speaker 4 relevance of the outer banks in America which is everyone who lives in Maryland Virginia and North Carolina they put an OBX bumper sticker on the kooks those guys are kooks and they use they do that Hank because that's the one week out of the year that they get to take off from work oh no they go vacation and kill devil hills no pogues are no he's saying there's someone else kooks are the summer people yeah no and the rich there's a one week summer people yeah the one week summer people it's like

Speaker 4 The dad who like listens to me. God damn it, I'm so bad that I'm fighting with you about this show.
He listens to

Speaker 4 Margaritaville Radio when he's working on spreadsheets every day at the office, and he gets that one week every summer, and

Speaker 4 he goes to the beach, and that becomes like a bad thing.

Speaker 4 I would die for John B. shirt, big cat.
I'm going to get you all the merch. Wait, who are the ones that go there for the whole time? Oh, I'm going to die if I have to watch the snowboard.

Speaker 4 I'm not going to get the John B anymore. Who are they? No, the Kooks live there.

Speaker 4 They're the rich people who live there. The Pogues are the poor people that live there.

Speaker 4 And then there's a term for the fucking they said it in the beginning i don't know i'm like half watching this fuck this fucking show so there's no real rich people that live on the outer banks year-round well according to this kooks okay

Speaker 4 kooks fuck man i hate this show but they got a strike boat uh my cool drone is jameis winson because he is uh practicing football by practicing baseball and i feel like that's gonna work yeah and he was practicing like boxing to practice football with a big scrotum swing he's just in that part of his, he's in that phase of his career where he's going to just do everything that's not football to get better at football because playing football is bad for him.

Speaker 4 Well, first, you must learn all the things that are not football to be great at football, right? Right. It's like an old kung fu mantra type thing.

Speaker 4 He's become like the pussy version of James Harrison doing the easiest off-season workouts possible and putting him up on Instagram. That's fine.
I think it's going to work.

Speaker 4 I think it's going to work because guess what? It's the most normal thing that Jameis has done in a long time. He's not throwing interceptions in practice against no one.

Speaker 4 That's really bad if you throw an interception when no one is guarding your receivers. Can't throw a pick with a baseball bat.
Right. So I'm in.

Speaker 4 I think this is going to work for him.

Speaker 4 All right. Let's get to our interviews.
We got Joel McHale coming up, and then we have our Dungeons and Dragons adventure, the continuation of it.

Speaker 3 I'm not going back to college to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber one for students.
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Speaker 4 Okay, here he is, Joel McHale.

Speaker 4 Actually, why don't we start there? So we have Joel McHale on the show, and

Speaker 4 he has a podcast that we're going to plug, and I want to talk about.

Speaker 8 Whoa, you just you just dropped out for like was that me? Must have been me.

Speaker 4 How's your Wi-Fi?

Speaker 8 Did you hear it? Did you hear it drop out?

Speaker 4 Well, you're moving your microphone.

Speaker 8 Is it this? Are you? It's not that because I can hear it.

Speaker 4 Are you nervous? Are you nervous to come on part of my take? And you're stalling.

Speaker 8 I've had a lot of blood in my urine, and that makes me just go like, I hope everything's okay. Yes, I'm taking a lot of hydrocorticoin.
So, yes, all right. I'm just gonna trust it.

Speaker 4 Okay, so can you hear us? Yes, Joe McHale always hears.

Speaker 4 Now is it Joe? Is it Joe or Joel? Joel, right? Joe McHale or Joel McHale?

Speaker 8 It's Joseph.

Speaker 4 Yosef Mikhail. Yohale.

Speaker 4 Is this,

Speaker 8 does anything sound any different?

Speaker 4 No, no, you sound like the guy from the soup. Can you hear us?

Speaker 8 Yeah, perfect now. I don't know if it's the headphones or what's going on.

Speaker 4 Do you think your name is more like every time I say your name, it feels like it should be Joe?

Speaker 8 I feel like it should be Joe too, but I am, but the name is Jewish, and so the name Joel is Jewish, so that makes me very happy.

Speaker 4 Mikhail, is that Jewish as well?

Speaker 8 Yes. Kevin McHale.
It's from

Speaker 4 one of the greatest Jewish people.

Speaker 8 Kevin Mikhail and I went to the same synagogue.

Speaker 4 That's nice.

Speaker 4 All right. So Joel Mikhail has joined us.

Speaker 4 I actually wanted, we want to talk about your podcast, but why don't you compliment our podcast first?

Speaker 8 You guys have the best bench press in a studio out of any podcast I've ever seen. You clearly have the best supports for a mini fridge I have ever actually.

Speaker 4 Yeah,

Speaker 4 you got a good eye for breaking.

Speaker 8 I mean, because who wants to bend down that far?

Speaker 4 Right.

Speaker 8 Who wants to bend down an extra four inches to get a beer out when you can just put it on top of some Bud Light Seltzer stuff?

Speaker 4 There we go.

Speaker 8 And then it looks like you that looks like you, it looks like there's a poster of Jeremy Renner behind you, but that's not

Speaker 4 Ozeron, and he does work like a movie star. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 8 But then

Speaker 4 I will say,

Speaker 8 I like the, it looks like you've you've like branded the front of the pardon my take. It looks like

Speaker 8 there should be barbecue equipment in there. I like that.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 Oh, yeah, that's it. Yeah, we burned it.
We actually just burned it with kerosene and a torch. Yes.
It's very nice.

Speaker 8 And all cords everywhere. You guys don't give a fuck.

Speaker 4 Who cares? Well, the cords, yeah, that's an aesthetic. Like we're like, you know, when you, you actually do know this when you get your hair and makeup and you're like, make it look messy.

Speaker 4 That's what you do every time you go on TV. So that's the look we're going for.
The make it look messy kind of look.

Speaker 4 What is your podcast?

Speaker 8 I've been doing that with my hair for about 15 years to hide myself going bold.

Speaker 4 What does your podcast studio look like?

Speaker 8 You're looking at it.

Speaker 4 Okay. So there's cabinets.

Speaker 4 There's like a you get a handle.

Speaker 8 This is where the fun, fun puppets pop out of.

Speaker 4 Uh-huh.

Speaker 4 This is

Speaker 8 kind of a 1969

Speaker 8 tribute to Star Trek. I like to believe this is a model of COVID.
So, in case I need to, you know, like point something out.

Speaker 4 Now, what do you look out at when you're doing the podcast?

Speaker 8 I'm in, here, I'll show you. I look at a tree.
That's sick. And there's a TV here.

Speaker 4 Oh. Yeah.
If you give me a tree or TV options, I'm taking the TV.

Speaker 4 There's a tree. Wow.
Oh, that's a nice tree.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 8 That's a little deck.

Speaker 4 Living the life. Damn.
So you started a podcast basically

Speaker 4 taking over everyone who's got a podcast for a living, like us.

Speaker 8 Yes, that's my goal is to put you guys out of business.

Speaker 4 Okay, cool. So The Darkest Timeline is what it's called.

Speaker 4 And it actually is both like a comedic podcast, but also kind of talking about coronavirus and trying to inform the audience, correct?

Speaker 8 Yes, because Ken is a real doctor, even though he was sued for malpractice. He broke the world's record for that.

Speaker 8 And

Speaker 8 he doesn't like me to point that out, but he really is a doctor. His wife is a practicing doctor.
And

Speaker 8 we were like, hey, let's just, let's talk about the virus. And then we'll start bringing on,

Speaker 8 we knew that community table read was coming up. So we're like, well, we can talk about community and start bringing people on, not watch back the episodes.

Speaker 8 But now, but then we're just, I mean, obviously we're going to run out of community cast members.

Speaker 8 What do you think we were? Glee? Thank you. And

Speaker 8 so that's how it's kind of gone. And we've had like 11 episodes.

Speaker 4 So what do we need to know about the coronavirus?

Speaker 4 Because I actually think that's a fantastic idea solely based on the fact that we go online every day and no one knows what to look for and it's just noise everywhere and no one seems to have any answers.

Speaker 4 So do you have some answers for us?

Speaker 8 Yeah, no, I think Ken says it best when he says, I was in the hangover.

Speaker 4 No, when he says, remember when everyone saw my dick?

Speaker 4 Oh, yeah. I still

Speaker 8 have a poster of that.

Speaker 8 It's actually right in the tree but uh it it's really important that uh well if you follow the science which is hard to find because well it's actually not that hard to find but the 24-hour news cycle spreads it out and the rest of the time it's hard you know obviously you need to hear about other things but um

Speaker 8 there's i think about eight well there's a hundred different labs working on a vaccine uh around the count around the world and then there's like eight major ones and uh they're in united states europe and china and

Speaker 8 that one, I think the one in Oxford, the Jenner, it's called the Jenner Corporation,

Speaker 8 they were already working on a vaccine for SARS, which is a cousin of COVID. So they were already doing phase two

Speaker 8 trials with people. So they shifted it all over to COVID-19.

Speaker 8 They say they will have a vaccine by September. Let's go.

Speaker 4 Wow.

Speaker 8 Again, that's like hitting four grand slams in Yankee Stadium in the World Series. Uh, but they've been working on it for years.
It doesn't mean at all that we're going to have it by Jan.

Speaker 8 I mean, excuse me, but by September. But

Speaker 8 if in a very, very perfect world, we could have something

Speaker 8 by January to actually take that we could get. But now that there are so many billions and billions of dollars, and every single seems like every single lab on the planet is trying to do something.

Speaker 8 This is when, you know, the human race does things extraordinary. And so

Speaker 8 if you had said 100 years before, I don't know, 1970, that, oh, no, no, we would be, we're going to fly, we're going to fight two wars on two different fronts at the same time and win and develop nuclear bombs and go to the moon and back.

Speaker 8 a couple times, people would look at you like you were nuts. And so

Speaker 8 I don't think we can underestimate the power of human brains working together. And at the same time,

Speaker 8 we should definitely not go, oh, it's going to be fine. There's no problem here.
And so,

Speaker 8 because those phases, those trials take a long time. They have to see for a long time whether it's going to accidentally kill people.

Speaker 8 I mean, because you can take a vaccine and then a year later, something could happen.

Speaker 4 Right.

Speaker 8 Right. Yeah.
And also the drug, excuse me, the virus is still, we really don't know. They go, they think it's soft droplets, which is just talking between people inside rooms.

Speaker 8 And then they think it's the hard droplets, which are on surfaces. But they still, they don't know about how contagious you are.

Speaker 8 They don't know about the viral loads and how much more contagious that makes you. They're getting there, but

Speaker 8 we, it really is,

Speaker 8 it is a, we've been blindsided by this thing.

Speaker 4 So anyway, that's a little positivity, though. I like that message.

Speaker 8 You should definitely be positive because there are so many people working on it.

Speaker 4 When I hear September, I just hear football. That just translates directly into football for me.
So, as first reported by Joel McHill, the NFL and NCAA season will happen on schedule.

Speaker 8 I pretty guarantee any almost any outdoor sport is probably going to be able to be played, I bet.

Speaker 4 Yes, okay.

Speaker 4 Yes, I like a bit.

Speaker 8 And by September, if they're if there, there should be, should be

Speaker 8 more uniform and easier ways to test quickly, should be.

Speaker 8 Obviously, the demand is off the charts for quick testing. So they can test all those players before they go in.

Speaker 8 The only thing I'm that I would be worried for the players because they're not getting the same sort of practice schedule as they would before a regular season. Right.

Speaker 8 Unless you guys know something I don't know. I mean, are they going to practice every day? I mean, I just noticed that.

Speaker 4 I think Tom Brady is. Tom Brady just like snuck a bunch of his teammates out in the trunk of his car to like a Tampa high school and threw the ball around to him today.

Speaker 4 So I think some teams are going to, depending on what state you're in, like Florida is opening up more stuff. I think Tennessee is.

Speaker 4 In mid-June, I think the NFL said basically they're going to let anyone, any state that allows it to open up their facilities.

Speaker 4 So

Speaker 4 what's going to happen? Are you worried at all about the situation?

Speaker 8 Well, what would be a disaster is if the people aren't, they obviously just need to be very careful. They should sequester them probably.
They should be like,

Speaker 8 if you don't have it, they should just put you in a hotel and bring you from the hotel to the practice facility and back, and that's it.

Speaker 8 Because if someone gets it, it's going to spread and it spreads through wildfire on a team. They're going to shut the whole thing down.
Right.

Speaker 4 Right. Are you worried at all about the Seahawks not being able to pump in fake crowd noise?

Speaker 8 No, I... I'm okay with that.

Speaker 8 Did you see what the coach of the San Diego Chargers said?

Speaker 4 No. And he nothing.

Speaker 4 They were like,

Speaker 4 no, I I like that you said San Diego. I still say San Diego.

Speaker 8 It just doesn't make any sense. I'm going to say the Carson Chargers.
Yeah.

Speaker 8 But they like, they go, what do you think of the prospect of playing games without fans? And he goes, we're doing that already. Right.
Perfect. And I was like, that's pretty good.

Speaker 8 But I don't, I don't,

Speaker 8 I, I, I don't, I'm not too worried.

Speaker 8 Those guys compete at such a high level, and they're the best athlete in their state by a mile like when they were coming up that i don't most of those guys i would say they they don't have any problem with mode uh you know being motivated out there true i just watched all those mma fights on saturday night with no audience and it it actually didn't bother me at all and uh

Speaker 8 it i i assume it'll be the same for football and they'll find they'll find creative ways

Speaker 4 if that's the most we got to worry about then we're in good shape totally i'm fine with that um So I read that you were a walk-on tight end at the University of Washington.

Speaker 4 You dubbed you were a husky. Did you ever get into a game? No.

Speaker 8 Terrible.

Speaker 8 I, the first year, because I played one year of high school football and then I was a rower. I was recruited to row at the University of Washington.
And they talk about a COVID-like audience.

Speaker 8 Nobody watches rowing. And my theory is that

Speaker 8 to make up for that, at least at the University of Washington, they used hazing and rituals to make themselves feel important. So

Speaker 8 the freshman year,

Speaker 8 if you got into the freshman boat, the good boat, they would shave your head and your eyebrows off

Speaker 8 the whole team and then put all that hair into a pillow, which then would go into a display case with other hair pillows.

Speaker 8 which is not morbid or serial killer at all like. And then I didn't push a chair in properly and the seniors surrounded me and another freshman, and they beat us up.
And I was like, this is great.

Speaker 8 What a fun, fun time college is.

Speaker 8 And so I was like, fuck this. And I had a couple of friends on the football team.
And I don't know why I did it, but they were just like, come out for football. I'm like, yeah, I'm going to do that.

Speaker 8 And two years later.

Speaker 8 And after I had such a good time, I was not nearly very good compared to, I mean, Mark Bruner and Ernie Conwell were the tight ends in front of me.

Speaker 8 They were on, they were, you know, the best, they were some of the best athletes I'd ever seen

Speaker 8 in my life. So I had, I, they, they redshirted me my second year in hopes I would get, like they're like, all right, he's gotten good to a point where we're going to hold on to him.

Speaker 4 But

Speaker 8 after that, I, I just, uh, I was like, I want to be an actor. So I, I left.
But I still know a couple of the guys and they're, they're terrific.

Speaker 4 Did you? I saw the picture online. It looked like it was in front of the Rose Bowl.
Did you get to be on the sideline for a Rose Bowl?

Speaker 8 Well, I was near the sideline. I was in a chair with the other players who

Speaker 8 because I was wearing the jersey without the pads. So it looked like I was injured, which I pretended I was.
I was just limp around the Rose Bowl. They're like, why aren't you in? I'm like,

Speaker 8 you know, calf.

Speaker 8 And so,

Speaker 8 no, it was, it was so much fun. And watching like Napoleon Kaufman run

Speaker 8 like Olympic speeds down the field was pretty wonderful.

Speaker 8 He was one of the scariest athletes I've ever seen. Next to Ernie Conwell, who was 21 years old.
He was benching 550, squatting 850. He was clean and jerking 365 and running a 4-5-40-yard dash.

Speaker 4 It's pretty impressive. 21-year-old.
That's pretty impressive.

Speaker 4 And then after you got on the football team, I guess that's like totally alphaing the rowing team because then they have to row people from their boats to your game on saturday yeah yeah that that's partial reason why i did it uh just to just for their taxi service i like if anybody's been to the university of washington you can pull a boat up to the stadium it i think it's the most picturesque stadium in all of college football i i love i love uh watching games on TV from Washington, but the camera angles, both for football and basketball, are the weirdest camera angles ever.

Speaker 4 The basketball camera angle when you're watching a Washington Huskies game is insane.

Speaker 4 I don't understand how I'm a degenerate gambler, so I like, these are the weird things that I notice and I stick in my head, but something about that camera angle, they have not quite figured out, I think it's too low.

Speaker 4 And then the football camera angle is cool because when the crowd gets really loud, it shakes. And I love that.
That's like true Saturday afternoon college football.

Speaker 8 I didn't even know the basketball thing.

Speaker 8 They should fix that that because maybe that should that sometimes they figured out how to shoot football and basketball games and they don't need to mess with it.

Speaker 4 It's it drives me nuts. So maybe can you get on that? Like, are you part of the alumni board or something?

Speaker 8 Yeah, no, I'm part of the alumni camera angle board. And I will.

Speaker 8 It's better than it used to be because basketball at UW was very, it became very unpopular for a while and they never updated the stadium.

Speaker 8 And so it was the old stadium that had all the girders, you know, all the supports. Yeah.
And so the camera would just, you just see a big support go by as the camera was following the action.

Speaker 8 I was like, what, what's happening? Are we, is that, it was like Wrigley Field in 1933.

Speaker 4 So yeah, yeah.

Speaker 8 It's all better.

Speaker 4 Um, I saw you do the uh, the Tiger King. What was it after the king and I? Is that what it was called?

Speaker 8 Yeah, you kind of look like one of those guys.

Speaker 4 Ghost documentary.

Speaker 4 I feel like one of those guys. I feel like that's, that's what I was destined to be in a different life.
But Carol was not on that show. Did you actually get

Speaker 8 Carol's going to ever agree to do anything for Netflix again?

Speaker 4 Yeah, she's still pissed off about that.

Speaker 4 Wouldn't you be?

Speaker 4 Well, I mean,

Speaker 4 if I was anybody on that show, I'd probably be pissed off, be like, wow, I really ended up looking like a piece of shit.

Speaker 8 I think, well,

Speaker 8 I think some, like,

Speaker 4 with Carol specifically,

Speaker 8 Saf was like the only person that was looked pretty good, and then the guy that was his campaign manager.

Speaker 8 And then, you know, Jeff Lowe, even though you can tell, like every time he said, yeah, I get into business with people and it always ends badly.

Speaker 4 I'm like, that might be you.

Speaker 8 But they're, when I interviewed them, I'm like, well, they seem like nice folks, but then cut to him in jail.

Speaker 4 So I don't,

Speaker 8 with Carol, you know, obviously the

Speaker 8 documentary as

Speaker 8 it portrays her is not good.

Speaker 8 I mean, she comes out looking not great, obviously. And then her husband, who, you know, with the leashes and all that at their wedding,

Speaker 8 which was, I was like, oh, this guy, this, dude, okay. Simple things.

Speaker 8 But he put out a 10-minute video defending themselves. And in the video, he goes, We were tricked.
We were told it was going to be this thing about tigers and they this.

Speaker 8 And then they went down this path that we didn't know what they were doing. Absolutely.
They were tricked. I could not agree with him more.

Speaker 8 But they do not really talk about what happened to her ex-husband. Because if a relationship goes bad and somebody leaves, you hear from that person again in your life, or you hear about them.

Speaker 8 Even if that person says, if I can escape, if I can get out of here and get to Costa Rica, then I can just disappear forever. If he even said that and was alive, you'd still hear about the dude.

Speaker 8 If the white dude shows up in Costa Rica with a bunch of money, you hear about that thing. We would have heard from him by now.
So something happened.

Speaker 8 And then the way his family, you know, was talking about her, again, was not great.

Speaker 4 It's bizarre, though, to be, I don't know if she was ever officially a suspect, but clearly there's something there where her husband died and disappeared or whatever happened.

Speaker 4 It's weird to do a documentary and be like, I was tricked. I can't believe they brought up the time that people think I killed killed my husband.

Speaker 4 You'd think that that, if you agreed to do the documentary, you'd have to assume that was going to be brought up.

Speaker 8 And she talked about it. Like when she said, well, I guess in Florida, the rule is at the time, if someone, if you don't hear for someone from five years, they're declared legally dead.

Speaker 8 And then on five years and one day, she got the money.

Speaker 8 And then they asked her, Was there a funeral? And she basically just said, no, I pointed and looked into the sky. And then some time passed.

Speaker 8 and then the day was over. And I was like, that's the funeral?

Speaker 4 Yeah, some time passed, and I was rich, and I went to the bank and got a lot of cash out in his honor. Like,

Speaker 4 that's such a Florida law that if you don't hear from somebody for five years, it's like, okay, they're dead. Yeah.
We just assume that they totally disappeared.

Speaker 8 But as we would always say, it is Florida.

Speaker 4 Right. Right.
And were you surprised by the backlash that you got for some of your questions? I think that was when you asked, like, hey, Joe Exotic probably should be in jail.

Speaker 4 And people are like, what? We, he's a, you know, we love Joe Exotics. Like, no.

Speaker 8 Yeah. People are like, how dare you for asking that question about that guy we've been making fun of for the last few weeks.

Speaker 8 I'm supposed to be the one that makes fun. Yes, I did not.
I honestly, I can tell sometimes when I say something or screw up something and I'm like, oh, I'm coming off as a dick.

Speaker 11 And now

Speaker 8 I'll probably get some shit for this. But that I just asked them.
It's like, do you think he should be in jail? That was the, as hard-hitting as my question was, of a guy who's in jail. And

Speaker 8 19 felonies is not

Speaker 8 a small number of felonies.

Speaker 8 And then everybody, including Saf, was like,

Speaker 8 everyone said, yes, he should be in jail. And then when Saf

Speaker 8 he said, like, oh, I had a great experience and I have no problem with Joe. We got along great.
And then I said, do you think he should be in jail? And Saf said, absolutely.

Speaker 8 So I, yeah, I was letting them speak.

Speaker 8 I wasn't going, so Joe should be in jail. Huh? Am I right? Please agree with me.
Yeah, it was a very odd. It's an odd backlash.

Speaker 4 Did you get any closer to the truth of why James Garrison was working for the FBI? Like what exactly they had on? Because it can't be the lemur sale thing, right?

Speaker 8 No, we asked him to come on and he refused.

Speaker 8 So

Speaker 8 he's the guy, the redhead, who went off into the distance on the Jetsky.

Speaker 4 The Jetsky, yeah.

Speaker 8 Doing Eye of the Tiger.

Speaker 4 Love that guy.

Speaker 8 He refused to.

Speaker 8 Like, they asked him a number of times to be on it. And he was, I think his last text was just stop.

Speaker 4 Because I just, I need to know what the FBI had on him. Because it has to be something more than like.

Speaker 4 The paperwork was wrong on this one ring-tailed Lieber. Because this guy was like wearing wires, putting his life online every single day.

Speaker 4 And I'm sure whatever crime he was committing was absolutely hilarious to get entrapped in that.

Speaker 8 I would agree, but you never know when people, like when the FBI shows up to your house and says, we have this on you, you never know how people might react.

Speaker 8 And some people might have a mountain of evidence and say, no, I'm not agreeing.

Speaker 8 And other people might hear one thing and go, oh, I probably have other things and I'll do anything I can to get out of it. I don't know.
It's a really, it's a good question.

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Speaker 4 I read an article where you said that when you first saw the script for community, you would cut off your pinky to be a part of it. Would you have actually done that?

Speaker 4 Because I have made some pinky bets in my life as well.

Speaker 8 Yeah, I cut it off.

Speaker 8 We used a prosthetic throughout the whole thing. So,

Speaker 8 yeah, no,

Speaker 8 I I would have cut off

Speaker 8 not my own pinky, someone else's and mailed it.

Speaker 8 Yeah, someone's and mailed it to Dan.

Speaker 8 But it was one of the best scripts that I've ever, it was the best pilot script I've ever really read. And I, and it was one of those ones where I thought, oh, I think I can play this character.

Speaker 8 And I did every

Speaker 8 the world of getting a pilot is so crazy that you can unless you're a gigantic star at the time you it there's too many factors that go into trying to get the role and i i was still a baby when that when i was in contention for it and i'm very lucky because joe russo and anthony russo and dan all

Speaker 4 they all wanted me and so uh despite you know like network concerns and studio concerns and it goes on and on it's it's all garbly gook but uh but it i would do it yeah i would do it all over again as well is it when you're a part of something like that and you know it's special while you're in you're part of it is it weird to have it end and be like i may never have that again in my life like that might have been the peak not saying that is your peak but that might have been the peak of enjoyable and success

Speaker 8 yeah i mean for

Speaker 8 the difficult task of first of all getting a pilot which is still to this day for me difficult to get i mean they're not it's not just oh here's another pilot go i mean there's also a lot of crap out there but uh

Speaker 8 but to get a pilot to actually get it picked up then to actually be on the air then to get out of your first season and get picked up for a second season again is like hitting two hole-in-ones in a row and

Speaker 8 so i we knew the scripts were great and uh and i was always so happy when i would read them because i have been at a many table reads where scripts are a mess and you start you read it on like a monday and you realize you're going to be shooting in a week and then you go oh no they have so much work to do on this thing and that just never was the case with anything uh for community except for season four and uh so we all knew we all and we all really liked each other we got along great and that if if you guys watched any of that community table reader uh we all really we are on a text chain and we so we still talk to each other and that is not the way that it from what I understand, how it usually goes.

Speaker 8 But, but the other way it happens is: like, I've been in movies where you have this beginning, middle, and ending.

Speaker 8 Like, oh, this three months is going to be with this small family, and it's really great, and then it's over. Uh, whereas community was six years.

Speaker 4 Yeah, when you were auditioning for that, was there any additional pressure on yourself? Were you nervous in that, like, more nervous than you usually would be because you liked it so much?

Speaker 4 Um,

Speaker 8 the really intimidating time, like when I was with Joe and Anthony and Dan, uh, the creator, I was not nervous because those guys had my back. And we, they kind of said, you're the guy.

Speaker 8 Now we're just going to work with you. And that was great.
So I didn't have that pressure.

Speaker 8 When you get into these network tests, which are the worst, again, this is, this is inside baseball stuff, but it's the worst way to audition for anything because you're auditioning in someone's office at like NBC or CBS, and there's 15 executives that are taking a break from

Speaker 8 their lunch so they can watch some actor in their friend's office act with a couple other actors. And it's so it's totally unnatural.
It would be like you guys doing the

Speaker 8 your show from, I don't know, like 50, like 50 feet below

Speaker 8 in cold water. So you'd have to figure it.
Anyway, it's just a terrible place.

Speaker 8 So the first time I read in front of all those executives with and there's four other guys that are going up for the role that are all sitting in the hallway,

Speaker 8 you go up, you do it. So, then they came out into me and they said, Okay, so you did not get it.

Speaker 4 And I'm like, Oh, no.

Speaker 8 And then they're like, So, come back in. We're going to put you on tape and then we're going to show them the tape.
And then, so that next day, I finally got the word that I had gotten it.

Speaker 8 But I sat in that fucking room and then they're like, Yep, sorry.

Speaker 4 Uh,

Speaker 8 and uh,

Speaker 8 I got to a point where with network tests, because I had done a couple of them, I'd walk in and see all the executives and be like,

Speaker 8 boy, you guys gain weight fast. And I would just have to insult them somehow, or I'd be like,

Speaker 8 fuck this. And, you know, I'd have to kind of undercut them to make myself feel better about what was about to happen.

Speaker 4 Would you ever, is there ever mind games or shit talking in the hallway with the other people that are going for a role?

Speaker 8 I have never experienced that. I hear, I heard people do do that.
I knew a guy

Speaker 8 that got super high during while he was waiting, or he showed up high to relax himself. And then he became very hungry.

Speaker 8 Then he went, and the thing was, because these things can take 10 hours sometimes. And so he was eating constantly.
And I think

Speaker 8 they told him one of the reasons why he got the role because it was like, we kept coming out and you just kept eating. And it was like for the role of someone like an Italian family.

Speaker 8 Like, that's what my family's like. So he got the role.

Speaker 8 And that person played Don Corleone. That's

Speaker 4 I love it. That's how Marlon Brando spent like the last 20 years of his life.

Speaker 4 When you were auditioning for Ted, was Mark Wahlberg just like, hey, take your shirt off. Let's play some basketball.

Speaker 8 I did not have to audition for Ted.

Speaker 8 So that was a blessing. And because I rarely get things just out of auditioning.
It's always like a friend of a friend. But

Speaker 8 no i did see him i met him we did like a reading in boston and that was the first time i saw him up close and i was like dear lord how was your workout and uh

Speaker 8 he really is a uh he looks like i don't know he looks like swarzeneger and i'm a big guy and i'm like dear lord what kind of a what is your arms routine my friend so it's very intimidating he's a very nice guy though uh what was harder hosting the white house correspondent dinner dinner or the Espies?

Speaker 8 Oh, the White House correspondents dinner. Really? By a mile.
Oh, yeah. Because the Espies, when you really look at it, I mean, the Espes has all sorts of pressure and

Speaker 8 all a thousand different things to think about. But when you read, when it really comes down to it, it's five minutes of jokes at the top.
And that's what they really base it on.

Speaker 8 Like that's the, like, that's the kind of like you're, the moment where you're like, that's where everything has to work for the rest of the show to go okay.

Speaker 8 So there's that's an intense pressure that first five minutes. Like you got to really nail that and make sure the jokes are good.

Speaker 8 Whereas the White House correspondence dinner is a whole other, that's almost 20 minutes of straight jokes. Plus, you've got the president opening for you.

Speaker 8 And

Speaker 8 Obama was a very, very good joke teller and he worked on it. So it was, you knew you were going up against somebody who was very, very good.
And you're in a room with people.

Speaker 8 First of all, the like the first few rows look like a wax museum of famous people. You're like, why is Andrew Luck sitting next to De Niro?

Speaker 8 There's Russell Wilson. And there's, you know, it would be like Warren Beatty and his wife.
So what's, so it's very odd.

Speaker 8 And then it's full of Democrats and Republicans. So when you tell a Democrat joke, the Republicans laugh, but they don't laugh too hard because they don't want to seem like they're too.

Speaker 8 And then the same thing. So, so everyone's reaction when it's somewhat edgy is just, ooh,

Speaker 8 and that's really a great way to do comedy.

Speaker 8 So I just pretend I was like, you guys sound like you're on a roller coaster. And so that was, I don't think I've ever been more nervous.
And I have never been nervous since. So really.

Speaker 8 As far as that level, I think I burnt out that. Like when I did the SPs, I was like, oh, I'm not really nervous because I burnt out that fuse, that wire that was connecting.

Speaker 8 Cause I was like, I'll never, I didn't, I went swimming with sharks with a Discovery Channel last year and they were nervous about every actor being nervous.

Speaker 8 And I was like, don't worry, it's not going to, I don't have it anymore. I've lost that ability.
And

Speaker 8 so I'd be nervous if I had to like say a poem at a wedding where these people are getting married or something. And I didn't want to screw that up because it's a one-time thing.
But

Speaker 8 I don't, I've not, yeah, I've not been nervous since. Uh, but yeah, that's the most

Speaker 8 also it's the days leading up to the White House because you're doing all these interviews, then you go meet the president, you're doing all this stuff, and the last thing you're doing is preparing your jokes.

Speaker 8 So, anyway, I just talked for a long time and I'd like to apologize. It got, it got on so long that a foot has appeared in this shot and then just disappeared.

Speaker 4 Ah, yeah, that's our answer, Hank. No, I always just, the reason I asked is because the SPs always seem like a hard gig because you have to

Speaker 4 make fun of people that aren't like in on the athletes don't get made fun of and also you're on ESPN so you can't really be edgy and you have to like it has to be kind of family friendly so I always thought that was a very hard thing to to to walk that line of being funny and entertaining but also under all these restrictions that most stand-up comedians or hosts don't have yeah no i would agree with that and i was told by i think i asked rob Riggle,

Speaker 8 who had hosted it, I was like, tell me about it. He's like, don't worry about the first 10 rows.
Cause as you said, like, he's like, it's just a bunch of athletes.

Speaker 8 They're all wearing sunglasses and they're all hyper competitive.

Speaker 4 Right.

Speaker 8 And you're, like you said, they're not necessarily the fun, the, have a sense of humor. So he's like, don't worry about them.
Worry about everybody behind them. And

Speaker 8 we put in a couple jokes that worked. Like we said, Steph Steph Curry is here tonight.

Speaker 8 And we had hired a 10-year-old boy to sit in his seat, in a seat, because he's so much smaller than everybody in the MBA. And they were like, and Coach Steve Curry is right behind him.

Speaker 8 And then it was like another red-headed 10-year-old boy behind him. So that worked in the audience, and that kind of broke the ice.

Speaker 11 But

Speaker 8 yeah,

Speaker 8 that was good times.

Speaker 4 I will do it again. I actually wrote jokes for that monologue, for that SB show.

Speaker 8 Oh, did I use some?

Speaker 4 No. I just, so I actually watched it last night because I thought that you used some.

Speaker 4 I was overseas when the show actually happened, so I didn't get to watch it live. And somebody told me that you had used one of my jokes.

Speaker 4 But yeah, I can't believe that you turned down this great one right here.

Speaker 4 Hey, the Houston Texans are on hard knocks this year. That's what America needs, a Rocky-style montage of J.J.

Speaker 4 Watt catching fish in an icy river with his dick and flipping 100-pound tractor tires using only his positive attitude. And then I made a joke about...
Where was the joke? That was the joke.

Speaker 4 That was a joke. I sped through it to ignore the punchline.

Speaker 8 I like how it has two punchlines.

Speaker 4 There's a punchline. There's a package.

Speaker 8 There's an unusable punchline in the middle of the joke.

Speaker 4 And then you end kind of.

Speaker 4 Well, all of my...

Speaker 4 Peter at the end. All of my jokes, I'm looking through them right now, were completely unusable for a Disney audience.
Like, there was this one.

Speaker 4 It was right after when Chip Kelly got accused of being racist by LaShawn McCoy. So

Speaker 4 I was like, hey, Chip Kelly, if he only liked white people, how come he chose football as his profession? That's like if Rex Ryan quit the Bills to coach Oscar Pistorias.

Speaker 4 So a little foot joke there from the double amputee.

Speaker 4 That one didn't make it.

Speaker 8 Well, and a guy who shot and killed his wife very, and at that point it was very recently.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Yeah.
So

Speaker 4 everyone's mind. But that's when it kills.
Not no pun intended, but that's when it kills because everyone remembers it.

Speaker 8 You know, I... I

Speaker 8 that those are really great jokes. Thank you.
And

Speaker 8 I'll definitely think about them for the future.

Speaker 8 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 8 Why were you overseas? You sound like you were in the service.

Speaker 4 You were in the military. Yeah.
I was serving.

Speaker 8 So you were serving and submitting jokes?

Speaker 4 Yes. I was doing multiple things.
I was not serving. That stolen Valor Big Cat just entrapped me into doing

Speaker 4 drunk in Barcelona. Barcelona.
Oh, that sounds

Speaker 4 about the same as serving in the military.

Speaker 8 Well, thank you for your service.

Speaker 4 Thank you. Happy to do it.
That's big time.

Speaker 8 And hey, it worked out. It did.

Speaker 4 You got us.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 4 I have a question about the soup, which I love.

Speaker 4 When you guys put together that show every week,

Speaker 4 would you watch

Speaker 4 the shows or would you have someone, would there be a whole staff that watched it then gave you

Speaker 4 the best of like, here's what we're doing? Or would you participate in weeding through all the clips?

Speaker 8 Well, when we first started the show, there was only six of us total. And our, you know, we had to watch basically every hour of television on every channel that we could all do.

Speaker 4 So

Speaker 8 when I first started, I was, it was all the time watching television to the point where my wife was like, you need to stop watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition. It's going to kill you.

Speaker 4 And I was like, no, I just have to watch one more.

Speaker 8 And then as things started working and we could hire more people, we could delegate, you know, the different shows.

Speaker 8 And that took the pressure off me and a couple of the of the writers uh but yes we would come together into a room and select clips everyone would bring clips

Speaker 8 and uh you had to bring like i don't know like 10 clips it was always between like people would bring like two and 10 clips a meeting and the meetings were every day and we would just select every day and as we got closer to showtime we would get rid of a bunch and then new ones would show up And then when community hit, I basically had no time to watch anything because our hours were nuts.

Speaker 8 So the producers would come to my trailer at Paramount with laptops and show me the clips and we'd go through the scripts in between setups for communities because I had no time.

Speaker 8 I tried to keep up with what was happening, like with the Bachelor, Bachelorette or something. But yeah, that was, we, and that was, and we had VCRs when that began.
Oh, man. So we had.

Speaker 8 just mountains of VCR tapes trying to keep track of everything.

Speaker 4 So I asked that because I think you need to donate your brain to science

Speaker 4 because what reality television does to our brains is fascinating to me. And you would be a great case study of like, hey, this is how we're...
I actually think

Speaker 4 we started as bloggers and we have something similar where we've lived on the internet for so many years and consumed so much internet that our brains have been warped and poisoned to a point where there's no coming back from it.

Speaker 4 I think you have something similar with TV.

Speaker 4 I would agree. Have you noticed that?

Speaker 4 Like, have you ever noticed something happen and you're like oh yeah i'm i'm completely jaded or this is fake or yeah i can't watch i can't watch this anymore because i know how it's made

Speaker 8 yeah no it's difficult i never and they're wildly popular all the housewives shows

Speaker 8 and even the kardashians who actually are really nice people uh but that stuff's all scripted out And it's all, you know, it's all planned.

Speaker 8 There's not like where they're, no one goes, well, let's go to Nobu for lunch. Oh my gosh, there's my arch enemy.
I cannot believe they're here. And hold on.

Speaker 4 Are you saying that Chris Jenner? Yeah, she's scripting this stuff out. Wait, she has a plan?

Speaker 4 You're telling me that on the housewives, when they do that one episode every year where they all go on vacation together and get really drunk in a big fight, that's planned?

Speaker 8 I hate to...

Speaker 8 It sounded like you said you had a very like savvy, jaded mind, but I hate to tell you this. It's planned, dude.

Speaker 8 I just never, well, what I didn't get, I was like, why doesn't everyone else see this? Why doesn't everyone else, does no one care?

Speaker 8 And I think that same thing kind of happened in reverse with Tiger King, where people kept going, aren't these characters funny? And I was like, they're people.

Speaker 4 Right. But this is, yeah, that's what, I think that's why we love reality television because we get to watch it and say, oh, well, at least we're not them.

Speaker 4 At least we're not drunk fighting, you know, in the Hamptons every summer, or at least we don't own these tigers and and kill our, you know, husband and all this stuff.

Speaker 4 Like, we, we judge ourselves, like, we could be shitty people, but we're not that.

Speaker 8 I think there's two

Speaker 8 different, yeah, there's the, there's the, I'm glad I'm not,

Speaker 8 um, you know, I'm glad I'm not on, like, I'm glad I'm not flavor flave on that crazy show he was on or whatever. Like, isn't this a constant train wreck?

Speaker 8 And then there's the aspirational ones like the Kardashians, where they go, I wish I had that life.

Speaker 8 So I think there's two versions. And I I think the housewives is in the, oh, they're so rich and crazy that, boy, it's a crazy world and it's kind of fun.

Speaker 8 And so I think there is an element of like, oh, I would never do that, but people

Speaker 8 love it. And I don't like, but again, going back to Tiger King, I was like, people, like, isn't it? Isn't it funny, all those characters?

Speaker 8 And I was like, that character had their arm eaten off for real. Yes.
That was not a, this is not a Game of Thrones episode. So this, that Saff really had his arm eaten off.
So

Speaker 8 that's what that, yeah. So I believe my brain.
Yes, I agree. My brain's real.

Speaker 4 So, but for the record, the Kardashians, is there any part of it that's real? Some of that stuff's got to be real.

Speaker 8 I think there is a very set plan, and then

Speaker 8 some real things happen.

Speaker 4 And then Kanye gets too high and fucks everything up. And then they have to adjust on the fly.

Speaker 8 How much is Kanye in it?

Speaker 4 Not much. I don't know.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 I think the ripple effects effects from Kanye probably existed at some times when he just

Speaker 4 can mess up some plans. I'll tell you that much.

Speaker 8 I'm sure, yes, if anybody does, it would be him.

Speaker 4 I had one last Espies question. When you hosted, did LeBron make you run all your jokes about him by him before ESPN would let it go on the air? No.
No.

Speaker 8 No, we didn't.

Speaker 8 No. I never even met him at the...

Speaker 4 What's that red dot on your forehead right now?

Speaker 8 What the... Oh, this.
No. Well, that's a laser.
I mean, it's a different.

Speaker 8 Yeah, no, I didn't have to do it. No, I didn't have to run my jokes by any athletes.
So I'm sure some of them weren't happy with them, but

Speaker 8 they were nice.

Speaker 4 But if you did, it probably would have been LeBron.

Speaker 8 Probably.

Speaker 4 There it is. We got him.
I don't know. I got him.

Speaker 4 Yeah, or Oscar Pistorius. Let's just say, yeah.
Okay. I ran all my jokes.
I always want to run one by that, too. Yes.

Speaker 4 Well, this has been awesome, Joel. We really appreciate it.

Speaker 4 The darkest timeline. You can go listen.
Who do you have on on this week since you're taking our job in podcasting?

Speaker 8 Oh, well, this week we just, today we launched,

Speaker 8 we made it part of the podcast, but the community table read.

Speaker 8 Okay. And then it was, and then it looks like we're going to get Pedro Pascal, who was in the community table read and who's also the Mandalorian.

Speaker 4 So

Speaker 8 I can't confirm it because

Speaker 8 it's not like... I mean, Ken and I are booking it.
So it's not, I mean, we have a tentative plan. So that could fall through.

Speaker 4 A little podcasting tip for you. You always ask that, like, who do you have on this week? And then we're going to hold this interview for a month to make you look like a fool.
Oh, well played.

Speaker 4 Well, that's

Speaker 4 walking on now to our turn. You're addicted to walking on places.
Yeah. Also, a little podcasting

Speaker 4 trick for you. When I do other podcasts, I always bring an ad with me.
Start bringing an ad with you.

Speaker 8 Oh, you mean like

Speaker 8 Bud Light Seltzer?

Speaker 4 Yeah, if you have an ad, just throw out your own promo takes. And that way you get, you know, it just carries over.

Speaker 4 All right. These are tricks of the trade.
If you have any other questions, we can answer them for you real quick. Like,

Speaker 4 it's going to be awesome at podcasting.

Speaker 8 Donnie's gerbil supply in Van Nuys, California is one of my favorite gerbil supplies.

Speaker 4 You and Richard. It's a big Hollywood thing.

Speaker 8 Yes. Everybody puts it.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 Favorite pizza shop that you go eat pizza at, too?

Speaker 8 LBK Pizza in Studio City is the best pizza on the planet from Brooklyn all the way to here.

Speaker 4 Where are you guys located right now?

Speaker 4 New York, Manhattan.

Speaker 8 And how is it there?

Speaker 4 Awesome.

Speaker 4 It's great. If you don't like things.
Yeah. If you like nobody in, actually, if you like no one in the city of New York, it is awesome, which I do like nobody in the city of New York.

Speaker 8 Oh, how fast could I drive up Fifth Avenue right now?

Speaker 4 Very fast. I live in Brooklyn and I drive, and it takes me 12 minutes to get into basically Madison Square Garden.

Speaker 8 And that took you how long before?

Speaker 4 35.

Speaker 8 Like right now, where I sit, same thing, to get to downtown LA,

Speaker 8 right now, if I left pre-COVID, 40 minutes, and now it's 11.

Speaker 4 That's crazy. How's the 405?

Speaker 8 It is a runway. It is wide open.

Speaker 4 That's nuts. Nice.

Speaker 8 I have a pretty fast sports car, and I have been pushing it.

Speaker 8 The cops have just started showing up again, so I can't push it the way I used to, but it was really fun out there for a moment.

Speaker 4 Yeah, here it's the. It's like Mad Max.
You don't even have to pay attention to stoplights. It's pretty slow right now.

Speaker 8 I know it's been really rough in New York and a lot of people got sick and all that. But when I think about all those closed restaurants, it just makes me so sad.
Yes.

Speaker 4 Yes. Yes.
We'll get back, though. And you could listen to Joel McHale, The Darkest Timeline, for some positivity.

Speaker 8 For some positivity and science. Yes.

Speaker 4 Thank you, Joel. We really appreciate it.

Speaker 8 Thanks for having me, you guys.

Speaker 8 You guys are very nice.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Oh, wow.

Speaker 8 Very thoughtful. Nice.

Speaker 4 Thank you, Joel. Nice.
Who's next on your show?

Speaker 4 The Undertaker. Do you have any questions for The Undertaker?

Speaker 8 He must be very busy.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 12 So, y'all know that we're big fans of Cracker Barrel. And this holiday season, I will be sat at their table with a big plate of country-fried turkey.

Speaker 9 And, Brandon, I'll be right there with you, and I'll check it off my Christmas list in the country store while I'm at it. It'll make a nice holiday tradition.

Speaker 12 Oh, that's so cute of you.

Speaker 9 Enjoy all the more holiday traditions only at Cracker Barrel.

Speaker 4 And now, Dungeons and Dragons.

Speaker 4 Okay, it is that time. Every two weeks, we are picking up our Dungeons and Dragons campaign with our Dungeon Master, Tim Woods, the fantastic Tim Woods.

Speaker 4 Tim? Hey, how's it going? Great to have you back. I think that

Speaker 4 let's just say that not only do our listeners, but I'd say ourselves as well, we need a recap of what's going on. Absolutely.
So pretend like we know, but no one else knows.

Speaker 4 So explain it to the people because we obviously know who we are, right?

Speaker 11 For sure, of course. As your dungeon master in Dungeons and Dragons, part of what I always do is a little bit of a recap to get us started.

Speaker 11 And last time we had gotten our adventure off to a great foot because we had made it into the town of Greenest, where our caravan that we were all guarding had kind of been pulling up to, only to discover that the village of Greenest was under attack.

Speaker 11 And we have arrived just in time to do something if we choose.

Speaker 11 And we were really on the fence getting ready to decide at the end of last time exactly to what degree we were going to help this poor village that is currently, by all accounts, being attacked by these red-robed cultists that we have positively identified as the cult of the dragon, a kind of obsessive group of dragon worshiping cultists that have apparently attacked this town with all of their 200 kobold minions and all of our adventuring party here, which consists of Norm the barbarian, Wayne, our Dwarven Bard, Ehrlich, our gnome warlock, and Berserker Billy, the Goliath cleric, a war priest, as I believe we had established last time.

Speaker 11 After pulling into the village, we had discovered not only was it under attack, we had run into a group in a barn of four kobolds and after eliminating very quickly and easily three of the kobolds the final kobold we had gotten to surrender to us and he warned us this kobold who we have been kind of going between different names for we have named him alternatively reek Bob Costas and in theory he's got a name he just hasn't told us his name

Speaker 4 yeah we could always ask if we care but no i like bob costas he's short yeah wait and so we ate the other ones right we ate

Speaker 11 In theory, we've got them ready to go. It's up to us whether we're making a campfire next door or whether we're heading to something maybe more urgent.

Speaker 11 Since the town is under attack at the moment, we could decide that laying low and making a campfire and resting while the town continues to get attacked is something we could do.

Speaker 11 But now, with Reek or Bob as our minion, kind of having warned us that not only is this cult showed up here in force, they are here for the money that they can squeeze out of this village.

Speaker 11 And they've also, we figured out they have brought something big with them, something they call the scion wrath. And at this point, looking out from the barn, we'd be aware of two things.

Speaker 11 We'd be looking and we'd be seeing that there's the castle, the little, little keep up on a hill that's at the centerpiece of this village.

Speaker 11 And it does seem like there are cultists maybe starting to gather around that castle.

Speaker 11 We're also hearing screams from a temple kind of on the outskirts of town, a little country temple by the river that looks like it is surrounded and smoke is rising from it but there's many screams coming from that temple as well so that that's a kind of our recap of what's happened in our adventure and what's going on right now we're looking out of a barn but we can do whatever we want wait

Speaker 4 one little point here Bob Costas didn't he tell us something important right before we stopped

Speaker 4 What'd he tell us?

Speaker 11 He had warned us that when he was taking orders from the cult, he had warned us the cult's plans were to follow the orders of their high priestess, Frula Mondap, and gather around the castle.

Speaker 11 That's right. But since we're his friends, he said we should run, for they have brought a monster, a great and terrible enemy.

Speaker 11 It's called the Sion.

Speaker 4 Lob Costas talk to us during his like little halftime soliloquies during battles. He gets to break in for five minutes.
As the war priest, I think I have to do a little ritual with Bob Costas.

Speaker 4 Do you want to haze him? Yes. To ensure his loyalty?

Speaker 4 Can we update

Speaker 4 his abilities by doing some rituals, upgrade him?

Speaker 11 What I want to let you do, War Priest, is first of all, you know that some of the magic you have at your disposal does boost people.

Speaker 11 You could give him guidance, which would give him a little boost on his next skill check, but I'll let you roll the die right now, and we'll add your religion bonus, which would be like a plus.

Speaker 4 Protect him against people.

Speaker 11 If you roll really well, maybe Bob will be feeling even more impressive.

Speaker 4 So, I'm gonna roll this.

Speaker 4 Billy has cast a 10. Sweet.

Speaker 11 You got a 10, and you had a plus 2 to that. With a 12, he's looking really invigorated.

Speaker 11 He said all of the prayers to your Goliath war god that you would be saying, but uh, um, he doesn't seem like he's any boosted, he's not more proficient. He waves his dagger and then he drops it.

Speaker 4 He goes, One second, one second.

Speaker 4 All right, so you failed, Billy. No, no, no, uh, no, you failed, you failed.

Speaker 11 All right, so what are we announced tim what are our options right now what what can we do absolutely we could start heading towards the castle where it looks like cultists are heading and bob had let us know that that does seem like it's their goal in the end there's also that temple that looks like it was surrounded where there were like screams coming from there you could also like interrogate bob some more get some more answers out of it i feel like we would make it

Speaker 4 I feel like it's it's enough talk let's push some action let's push you want to go temple the temple let's push you don't want to go to the the castle and see the dark.

Speaker 4 I think I go castle and say, fuck this shit up. There's a dragon right there toxic.
Yeah. All right, let's go to the top.
Let's go to the castle.

Speaker 4 Let's go to the castle.

Speaker 4 Where's the scion wrath? Do we know what that is?

Speaker 11 Bob will very quickly say, if you're saying this out loud, he says,

Speaker 11 going to be by castle soon. And he's kind of looking like he's expecting the scion wrath to be there anyway.

Speaker 4 Yo, I'm about to go to the city car. Yeah, I want that action.
I want that action. Let's go to the castle.

Speaker 11 Absolutely, for sure. Now, as we start to head in the direction of the castle.

Speaker 4 What if some of us don't want to go to the castle and there's a fight between us? Do you want to kill Hank? Hank, it seems like

Speaker 4 we're hoping right now.

Speaker 4 No, I won't. I'm not going to kill this guy.
But he's already talking about deserting. I'm just curious how it would go if there was one, like, we all didn't agree we wanted to go to the castle.

Speaker 4 What's the options? It would be a real shame if you were to try to leave us right now. All right, Tim, I'm not saying I want to.
I'm just saying. All right, all right.
Shut up. Let Tim say.

Speaker 11 I'd say that some parties like put it up to a vote or have some kind of agreement, but at the same time, time you can always split the party and go in different directions if you want to but i would say it's traditionally held in dungeons and dragons that that's a risky thing to do you never have to work together but it's usually better to work i'll tell you what hank if you want to leave if that's something that you think is a good thing to do instead then by all means i was just curious okay we're going to the castle i want to kill you right now which you're being a bitch i want to kill you

Speaker 4 in real life and in dungeons and dragons

Speaker 11 some sometimes i'm not going to go in one direction can be like i'm actually going going to go scout that out while you all do that. And like, I'll rejoin you at some point.

Speaker 11 And maybe they have their own motives for going off and checking that temple out.

Speaker 4 No, I'm rolling with. I'm rolling with.
Just remember.

Speaker 4 All right. Remember this, PFT.
Oh, it's in my memory right now. Before we go to the castle, real quick question.
Do we have any sort of distance weapon with us? Like, if we were to send

Speaker 4 our little Bob Costas guy and have him spy on somebody, can we also monitor him and shoot him if he tries to defect?

Speaker 11 Yes, we would have many ranged options that are availability for eliminating bob should he look like he's going to betray us at any moment and he more importantly he knows we have those options so that makes him much less likely to betray us even if we're far away he's still going to be afraid of us okay can you remind him real quick just remind him remind bob that we'll him up if he pulls a hank absolutely with

Speaker 11 Would that be the bard kind of reminding him that?

Speaker 4 Yeah, remind him.

Speaker 4 We sing a song of vengeance to him. Yes.
Okay.

Speaker 11 We just want to make sure that we got some bows at our disposal. And as we run through this town, it's looking like there's combat happening all around us.

Speaker 11 Not so much combat as townsfolk getting chased, really, but we're seeing red-robed figures and kobolds breaking into and out of buildings. But it seems like it's just too much.

Speaker 11 We could stop if we want to like mess with any of these people, but there's a lot of different groups causing chaos around here.

Speaker 11 As we start to worry about combat, I do just want to go down and let us know some of our combat abilities as we start to worry about these threats.

Speaker 11 I want to let our barbarian know that if we get into combat, you're going to have the ability to enter a barbarian rage.

Speaker 11 And rage gives you extra damage, but it also means when weapons hit you, they just kind of bounce right off of you. You take half damage when you're raging.

Speaker 4 You don't care.

Speaker 11 You're just smashing through things instead.

Speaker 4 Okay, that's it.

Speaker 11 When you get into combat, the bard, you have some weapons like a bow to shoot Bob with. You also have a sword, but mainly, you'd also have spells like illusion magic and enchanting magic.

Speaker 11 Uh, the other thing you can do is give inspiration to your allies, and that can give them little boosts to combat that they get inside when they use your

Speaker 4 strength and conditioning coach. That's perfect.

Speaker 11 So, you are literally like a coach in some ways. You're cheering people on, and they just get boosts to their roles.

Speaker 11 And uh, Hank, the warlock Ehrlich, you have one main attack thing that you would do in combat.

Speaker 4 One backwards,

Speaker 11 You have eldritch blast, and eldritch blast is you summoning like a ball of it can it can look like fire or just like weird energy, but it deals magical damage that usually nothing is immune to.

Speaker 11 And when you launch it at people, it can hurt them for a lot. And that's called your eldritch blast.

Speaker 4 Like a kame, kame, kame kea.

Speaker 11 It is exactly, you are like launching a blast.

Speaker 4 Don't worry about it. Hadukin, it's a Hadoukin.
No, no, no. Hadukin.
It's a Hadouken.

Speaker 11 And the Cleric, while a lot of what you will do is uh your magic is very focused on healing and boosting your allies at the same time you do have attack spells you can throw sacred flames at people and you have one powerful attack spell called guiding bolt it's like a laser

Speaker 4 fire out of your hand i have a question i have a question for billy real quick no i have a question for billy real quick billy on a scale of one to ten how jealous are you of me dude i'm like about to like cause an insurrection on right like seriously right you're you want to beat me can we can we can i cut him of the alpha stuff no no you are no i'm a goliath i'm a goliath i'm going to put my golier on the table literally the berserker blood you are

Speaker 4 no wait wait what the fuck yeah can big cat's character donate plasma uh in high quantity you've been looking fat and you probably should stay back i'm human meat shield

Speaker 11 we're good to go we're good to go that was just some internal strife we we just had to get that out i'm cuck we're good i i would let us know that we're well aware both the barbarian and the cleric, to be fair, can take a hit for sure.

Speaker 11 Those are our two frontline characters.

Speaker 4 That was

Speaker 4 Tim. That was really nice of you to make Billy feel better.

Speaker 11 I just want to let you know that I do feel obligated to also throw out there that technically the human barbarian is very big, but the Goliath would be a little taller.

Speaker 4 There you go, Billy. That's nice.
Good job.

Speaker 4 We're going to make him feel big. All right.
So let's do it. What do we do next?

Speaker 11 And as you're charging towards the castle, you are seeing these groups. And if you don't stop to fight them, they don't seem to stop to fight you.

Speaker 11 But as you're heading towards the castle, one group is blocking our route.

Speaker 11 And just as it seems like these red-robed figures, they've drawn scimitars and they're starting to maybe point them at us, but they're also looking like, uh, maybe I just want to rob this cottage instead of messing with these two huge people and other individuals coming charging at the castle.

Speaker 11 As they look like they're hesitating,

Speaker 11 suddenly one of them turns around and is a woman with a golden mask on. This figure has a golden hem to her robes, and the golden mask that she's wearing seems to have tendrils that come off of it.

Speaker 11 One tendril sweeps up, two form horns going off like this, and then two sweep around in these cool arcs. But it's a very elaborate

Speaker 4 to me. Can we look important? You know what I want to do? I want to take these fuckers out and impress the queen with her battle abilities.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 11 And as she turns she goes aha and the red robe figures seem to look turn and look at what she's saying and she says it seems we have interlopers interference goddamn they have wealth that shall feed the dragon queen's horde so that's after them my children and it looks like six cultists are converging on our position right now and she starts to wave her hands like she's getting ready to cast a spell but they're taking some time to get to us We would get to go first.

Speaker 11 And if we go through in just the order, I have us, Norm the Barbarian.

Speaker 4 I like going first.

Speaker 11 I like this. What would you like to do?

Speaker 4 Attack.

Speaker 4 I have an idea. Well, no, we have to attack.
I have an idea of how we could attack him. What? So you can go berserker, right? Yeah.

Speaker 4 Can I say that again? Big Cat can go berserker. Big Cat's character has the ability to go berserker.
I have the ability to talk somebody up.

Speaker 4 Can I do like, can I coach, can I talk you into going berserker? Yeah. I'm like Draymond Green and he's KD and I'm just going, pump me up and then I'll go at him.

Speaker 11 So here's what I'm going to say is this would happen on your turn, but let's say you're doing it right now. You're giving him bardic inspiration.
Yes. You give him bardic inspiration.

Speaker 11 Then what you get is a little boost whenever you want to add it to one of your roles. And the best time is to use it is if you got close, but not quite a success.

Speaker 11 You can be like, I'm calling upon my bardic inspiration. And you like think back to that moment when the Dwarven bard said, what do you say to him to encourage him? What do you say to him?

Speaker 11 That is the encouraging bardic inspiration? It's going to be something that he'll remember.

Speaker 4 I need a code word. My code word is

Speaker 11 like, go get a duty tiger.

Speaker 4 Donuts?

Speaker 4 I don't know. How about donuts for donuts?

Speaker 11 It could even be you just playing a song for him, and that encourages him.

Speaker 8 But that's how bard is.

Speaker 4 Let's rip. Oh, let's rip.
Let's rip it. That's a good one.

Speaker 11 So you say, let's rip. And now on any D20 roll that you want, you're going to get a little boost if you invoke your bardic inspiration.
But it's after you roll.

Speaker 11 You don't have to decide until after you roll.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 11 So you run in, you swing at one of the red-robed cultists. Is that right?

Speaker 4 Yeah. Go berserk.
So I got to roll, right?

Speaker 11 Absolutely. So I assume you rage first, is that right? Yes.

Speaker 4 I'm going to rage first.

Speaker 4 Rage first and ask questions later. Okay.

Speaker 11 Absolutely. And you roll a D20 and add plus five for your great sword attack.

Speaker 4 19. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo! Hoza!

Speaker 4 Let's fucking go! Rage!

Speaker 11 So, you still have the bardic inspiration. You do definitely not need to do that now.
Because you just got a 24, you slash this guy, and I'm gonna roll your damage for you right now.

Speaker 11 You cleave this cultist right in two.

Speaker 11 Like, I'll deal with this. Holy shit! And he just gets sliced right in half diagonally.
Boom. And the other five, oh, look at us, like, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 11 And they start to back off, but some of them look like they're like, nah, I'll lunge forward, maybe take a stab at that barbarian. Good thing you're raging now if they do have

Speaker 11 damage. Yeah, that was a great turn.

Speaker 4 Learn something, Billy. Watch and learn.

Speaker 11 And then, Wayne, you use your bonus action at this point to inspire the barbarian and then retroactively. And then you got your action still.
What would you like to do?

Speaker 11 I want to let you know, you have a sword and a crossbow, let's say, that you could use. That's what dwarves would use.
You'd use a crossbow.

Speaker 11 But if you don't want to use your weapons, you also have have magic that you could do as a bard. One spell is vicious mockery.
You insult somebody

Speaker 11 so badly that they take psychic damage from how bad your burn is.

Speaker 4 Mental action.

Speaker 11 And they get disadvantage on their next attack.

Speaker 11 Or if you really want to take somebody out, the spell hideous laughter makes them just start laughing uncontrollably and they drop their weapons and shit and fall to the ground laughing.

Speaker 4 So I like the tickle-em-to-death option. I also just like roasting somebody so badly that their brain starts to eat itself.
I feel like, should I roast...

Speaker 4 The lady with the weird hair and the braids and stuff, I feel like if I make fun of her hair, she's just going to crumble.

Speaker 11 She's got the mask with all the tendrils coming off it. It looks very expensive, and she looks like she is very egotistical.
Like she wants to be in charge here.

Speaker 11 If you use vicious mockery against her, she's probably going to be very mad about it.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Can I say to her, hey, that's a cool mask.
Does it come in your size?

Speaker 4 Boom. Nice.

Speaker 11 You can can tell it doesn't quite fit her exactly right goes to adjust it i'm giving her disadvantage on her saving throw and she needs to roll no already she's doing bad yes she's definitely failing that saving throw and she goes yeah you you would say that

Speaker 11 her mask falls off

Speaker 11 pick it up off the ground and she looks very foolish in front of all of her teammates

Speaker 11 you just dealt three points of psychic damage to her. I'm going to say she bonked her head while trying to like, she stumbles and hits her head on a rock while trying to find your mask.

Speaker 11 And the next thing she tries to do will have disadvantage. Okay.
Because you use division.

Speaker 4 That was good.

Speaker 4 Make fun of her hair. Say, like, hey, hey, I didn't know there was a sports clips around here.
That's pretty good, too.

Speaker 4 So if I'm making fun of her, does that mean that she kind of likes me now because I've done a good job of nagging her? So she's got low self-esteem?

Speaker 11 She might have low self-esteem. She doesn't seem to like you anymore.
And in fact, she is targeting you, Bard, with whatever she does next. She's conjugating.

Speaker 4 i mean she likes me it's like in in kindergarten when somebody like a girl pinches you point of order tim are there are there love scenes in dungeons and dragons the answer to that is there can be if you want okay no we want to keep it no yeah

Speaker 11 send a note i control all the npcs here so it's really your fault okay okay uh yeah you have definitely gotten her quite upset at you bard you're gonna be her next victim with whatever magic she throws your way but you insulted her so badly vicious Mockery gives her a disadvantage on any attack roll.

Speaker 11 So she'll be fumbling and stumbling.

Speaker 4 Got her. She's neutralized.
Cool. Okay.
All right. So what do we do next?

Speaker 11 And then that would bring us to Ehrlich's turn next. And then Berserker Billy will be up.
And then the cultists and this acolyte leader are going to go.

Speaker 11 And so Ehrlich, you could certainly fire an Eldritch Blast.

Speaker 4 Hank lost his die, which I think was on purpose because he doesn't want to be in a fight. Like, be more obvious, Hank, that you don't want to be here right now.
You'd rather be at the temple.

Speaker 4 I had it earlier. Okay.

Speaker 4 Man.

Speaker 4 Cash the guy, Hank. Yeah, he's got it.
He's got it. So what does he got to do? What does he got to do?

Speaker 11 If you want to go on the offense, you want to do Eldritch Blast, probably roll a D20 plus five, but you can do whatever you want.

Speaker 11 And I just want to let you know, you might have some mind-influencing magic. And as a warlock, you'd also be very persuasive for talking with people.

Speaker 11 I just want to make sure you know all your options, as it were.

Speaker 4 And do you mean by people, do you mean my enemies or my teammates?

Speaker 11 You are persuasive with all kinds of people. You are very charismatic and good at negotiating with your friends and your enemies, but you also have magic such as charm person.

Speaker 11 That's one in the old game, you used it against a goblin to good effect, and that can turn enemies to maybe at least become non-violent, if not turn to your side.

Speaker 4 That's good. I mean, that's what we want here.
All right,

Speaker 4 what do you roll? What do I need to roll?

Speaker 11 Prepare yourself. Is that charm person that you're thinking of of doing or Eldritch Blast?

Speaker 4 Charmed person.

Speaker 11 Charmed person that spelled a who are you trying to cast it on? One of the cultists or on the acolyte, the leader who's trying to get her mask right now?

Speaker 4 One of the cultists.

Speaker 8 One of the cultists.

Speaker 4 If you can turn the head of the cult, then you become the head of the cult.

Speaker 11 So you said if you want to turn the head of the cult, are you trying to get the leader here or just one of the six cultists who are working for her?

Speaker 4 Oh, because I guess one of the six cultists will just get one of them and then convert her for the first time. One of the six

Speaker 11 It seems like they're probably easier to get control of and to influence. And I'll roll for one of the cultists.

Speaker 11 There is a cultist who looks like he's definitely a half orc of some kind, it looks like. And you kind of like he's the closest to you.

Speaker 11 So if you're just targeting the closest cultist, he kind of looks at you and then starts to crack a smile. And he says, oh, hold, hold on.
And in calm, he's saying there, hold on.

Speaker 11 This guy, I know this guy. Hold on.
This gnome is.

Speaker 11 And he starts laughing. Hey, don't I know you? And what are you saying to him, Ehrlich?

Speaker 4 I don't know you.

Speaker 4 The spell worked. Wait, wait, wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hank knows this guy. He knows this guy.
This guy knows Hank. Johnny Ola.
This godfather, too. Hank, what do you mean you do?

Speaker 4 How'd you know him? How did this guy know you? No, I know.

Speaker 4 I know.

Speaker 4 My magic.

Speaker 4 Is it he like, oh, I've got one of those faces? He's like, oh, I haven't seen you in a while, Hank.

Speaker 4 Interesting. Okay.
It's my magic, right it's just my it is just your magic yeah

Speaker 11 you think you know that you're influencing his mind but to be fair you're the only one who knows that right now his teammates the cultists are confused and it sounds like your teammates are also a little not surprising not surprising from them don't they don't understand the deep magic you can use part of your move to to talk to this cultist that this half or cultist you got control of did you want to ask him anything or say anything to him where are the rest

Speaker 4 What was that? Where are the rest? Where are the rest?

Speaker 11 He kind of gestures at the four standing cultists still around him and the acolyte who's trying to pick up her mask. And he says, and the rest are all gathering at the castle soon.

Speaker 4 Great job, Hank. We didn't learn anything.
Are you here to help us? That's a terrible move.

Speaker 4 That was a good job, Tim. Thank you for playing along with Hank's terrible question.
Hey, where is everyone else? Are they at the temple or the castle?

Speaker 4 Definitely.

Speaker 4 Definitely

Speaker 4 can i ask if i can join them

Speaker 11 what you when you say can i you say that can i join you yeah like hey

Speaker 11 hold on everyone the gnomes with us the gnomes with us and he starts to say that and now Ehrlich, you know this. None of these cultists, even the leader, because she's confused.

Speaker 11 The acolyte, she's confused. So she's not even going to attack you.
None of them are going to attack you until they figured out what's going on here.

Speaker 11 Eventually, they might figure out that somebody's under a charmed person spell. Now, do you say anything to clarify to your teammates what's going on?

Speaker 4 No, fuck them.

Speaker 4 They've been haters since the jump.

Speaker 4 I've been ready to get rid of them, so I'm happy to move on to this new cult. Wait, so you're in the cult now? Yeah.
If

Speaker 4 you shut up, you're part of us. You cannot.
Billy, the cult is fun. The cult is fun.
What fire are you in real life?

Speaker 4 Is he my boss? Is he my boss? You can join the cult, Billy. You can go berserk mode.
Time out. You can go berserk mode.

Speaker 4 Time out. Time out.

Speaker 11 Timeout. Timeout.

Speaker 4 I'm calling it timeout. There are two things that are going on right now.
We're playing Dungeons and Dragons with Tim and Billy. In real life, if you betray me in PFT, you're fired.
Is that

Speaker 4 not part of the game? Are they my boss? Are they my boss in real life?

Speaker 4 Not in the game. In real life.

Speaker 11 They only enforce things that happen in the game world.

Speaker 4 I have no power.

Speaker 4 Billy, you know what you should do? You should totally try to do the exact same thing that Big Cat did really well earlier because I'm sure you'll be just as good.

Speaker 4 Yeah, just try to go fucking rage mode.

Speaker 4 I'm just saying, Billy, if you want to go rage mode, the the cult will have you. You can rage mode whenever you want.

Speaker 4 We will fire you in real life. Can I meet the queen? In real life.
This is not the queen. I think we've established that the lady with a stone mask.

Speaker 4 She's like a local. She's a capo.
And PFT already fucking roasted her, dude. What are you going to do?

Speaker 4 Fuck. Okay, okay.
What is Billy's options? What are my options? Give me a second. Your turn right now.

Speaker 11 So you've got your, as a cleric, you have some attack spells like guiding bolt, that laser beam, and sacred flame.

Speaker 11 You've got some boosting spells that buff your friends your allies and healing magic otherwise you've got your war hammer um you don't have much in the way of mind control magic at the moment oh you have one spell that could mind control people command is you shout one word and they have to like halt or flee or or something like that

Speaker 4 um yeah and then you've got your war hammer your trusty war hammer okay okay attack let's do some negotiations so Hank's on the evil side. No, no, he's just ingratiating himself with them.
He's a spy.

Speaker 4 Why don't you attack them? Attack Hank? No, attack the fucking little shits that we keep kicking their ass.

Speaker 4 They're about to attack us back, Billy. No, but aren't they like emaciated? They're like chilled.
No, they're halfway. Give us a status update.

Speaker 11 You're only not attacking Ehrlich at the moment.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 4 How do we need you? How closely?

Speaker 4 How closely related are orcs to Goliaths?

Speaker 11 Well, half orcs and Goliaths aren't related to each other, but they do occupy the same environment, mountains.

Speaker 11 That probably means they fight a DC.

Speaker 4 Oh,

Speaker 4 okay, fucking moves. All right, he's going to fight.
I want to go. I want to go.

Speaker 11 They respect each other.

Speaker 4 They respect each other.

Speaker 4 You know what they really respect, Ellie, is violence. Yes.
All right. Fuck him up.
I want to do just like, what's like my best move right now as a war priest? I want to get physical with them.

Speaker 4 You want to use the hammer. Yeah,

Speaker 4 throw some hands.

Speaker 11 You could use the hammer. You could throw sacred flame.
Probably your hammer's slightly better. Can I do both? Powerful attack would be guiding bolt to blast them with a huge laser.

Speaker 4 Let's take it all of them. Only hit him with the hammer.
Laser? All right, fine. Do whatever you want.

Speaker 4 We can use the hammer later. Just to light up my hammer with the bolt and just okay, whatever.
Bolt, big, big bolt thing. It's been a powerful one.
He's going to roll.

Speaker 11 All right, here. You know what? I'd let you say that it shoots out of the house.

Speaker 4 Okay, okay.

Speaker 4 All right, thank you, Terry. That was great, Terry.
You would have been stuck on that for a while. There you go.
All right, Boltman. Boltman.
Hoocho! Hey, T.G.

Speaker 11 yeah dude hell yeah billy way to help out five twenty three you are hitting anyone on this map you're aiming for

Speaker 11 you aiming for one of the five standing cultists or the acolyte leader leader leader

Speaker 4 gotta take the leader the lead because what if she's a baby oh we can probably kidnap her all right the other guys kill all the other guys and then hit the leader with a sub

Speaker 11 You want to take out other people? Yeah, but hit the leader with a sub. You know what? I'll roll your damage and I will let

Speaker 11 one priest baby we'll see how many cultists you can take down

Speaker 11 that's that's two cultists right there okay fire at one cultist and just burn a hole in their chest

Speaker 11 and it shoots through that cultist into another cultist and that cultist goes flying back into a cottage and crashes through the wall. You have taken out two cultists with one guiding bolt.

Speaker 4 So

Speaker 4 are these other cultists now, are they willing to concede defeat? Are they like, hey, one guy got cut in half. The other guy got a bolt, a lightning shot through his sternum into our other guy.

Speaker 4 We're just going to bow this out.

Speaker 11 At this point, it would be looking like they are considering their options. They look like they want to flee.
The two remaining cultists that are still standing want to flee.

Speaker 11 And the acolyte is very upset because she doesn't want them to flee. But as they run, she realizes she's alone here with disadvantage thanks to your insult.
And she is also running for it now.

Speaker 11 So it looks like they're all trying to run at the moment.

Speaker 11 Is there any last thing that India would be the barbarian's turn now?

Speaker 4 Did you hear my stop though? Can we catch her? Can I catch her? She's like, can I grab her? Can I stag her? Who's the catch?

Speaker 11 No. And she's running for it.
She grabbed her mask and she's running.

Speaker 4 Respect. All right.

Speaker 4 Respect. Hold on.

Speaker 4 Respect your choice.

Speaker 4 Can I snatch her? Can I grab her? No, no, no. Stop, stop.

Speaker 11 Can I snatch her? You could run forward and you could try to tackle this person.

Speaker 11 This would be an athletics check.

Speaker 4 Yes. And you would have to.

Speaker 4 I will cancel you. No, dude, we need to get her on.
Yeah, let's get her. Let's get her.

Speaker 4 All right, I'm going to try to do that. I'm going to try to do it.

Speaker 4 Pursuit.

Speaker 11 Absolutely. As you charge at her and get ready to do the tackling move, first of all, you're raging.
So you're going to have advantage on this.

Speaker 11 Barbarians get advantage on all athletics checks when they are raging, including grapples. So you are going to get to roll two times.
The number you need to beat to tackle her effectively,

Speaker 11 she's actually like bobbing and weaving. She's serpentining and

Speaker 11 getting an 18 total. So you need to beat an 18, but you have a plus five once you're rolling two times.

Speaker 4 All right, so I got a plus five, and I'm rolling twice. Beat 18, beat 18.
Oh,

Speaker 4 it's at that's a six. Six.

Speaker 8 Your barbarian reflexes kick in.

Speaker 4 No,

Speaker 4 one. Is she get away?

Speaker 11 Oh, one. So, luckily, you're not stuck with that natural one, which would be something extra bad, but it sounds like you did not get an 18 total.
So, you go to tackle her.

Speaker 11 She, at the very last minute, uh, turn goes right when you're going left.

Speaker 11 You hit the ground, you hit the ground in a slide, you're not falling yet, but you do see she's turning around and she had a ready to action as she was running to cast a spell at whoever was attacking her.

Speaker 4 And she points a hand at you uh norm and she says the power of tiamat shall compel you flee worm

Speaker 11 and i need you to make a wisdom saving throw she just used the spell command against you the very spell i mentioned to the cleric just a moment ago it is a one-word command and if you roll a d20 and add a plus one to this you need to get a 13 or higher and not have to obey her orders i can't believe i missed that attack

Speaker 4 Chris Constantine. Let's rip.
Let's rip. All right, here we go.
Oh, she's like, Can I use that? Can he just say, Let's rip. Can I use that?

Speaker 11 Yes, absolutely. When you said, Let's so you're gonna roll, and if you don't do well on this, you can invoke your bardic inspiration for sure.
But you only need to use it if you fail.

Speaker 4 All right, so I need a 13, and I got a plus one, right?

Speaker 4 Absolutely. Here we go.

Speaker 4 12! Oh, no!

Speaker 11 And you have a plus one on this, you only needed a 13. So yes, you succeeded on this even without the bardic inspiration.
And here's the thing.

Speaker 11 Since you succeeded against this spell and you're not fleeing, I'm realizing what did you get as your higher, the two grapple checks when you added the plus five? Do you remember what it was?

Speaker 4 11.

Speaker 4 11.

Speaker 11 It was 11. Was that before the plus five or after the plus five?

Speaker 4 After the plus five.

Speaker 11 After the plus five, then you know your bardic inspiration wouldn't have made a difference if you had invoked it then. So we've all wasted in that case.
So you're not fleeing.

Speaker 11 You managed to hold your ground.

Speaker 11 And for just a moment, behind that strange mask-wearing woman, you had seen a shadow rising up that looked for a moment like a dragon spreading its wings with five huge heads rising up.

Speaker 11 And you're like, it's huge. I have to flee.
And then you're like, wait a minute. And you smack yourself a little bit.
It is an illusion. It is not really there.
And you do not have to flee now.

Speaker 11 You do not have to obey that command. Okay.
That was your turn. And then, Wayne, that would bring us to you.

Speaker 4 Is there some sort of respecting respecting spell? Can I cast a die to respect the woman?

Speaker 11 So here's what you could do. You could try to make, now that

Speaker 11 someone's already chased, tried to chase her. It didn't quite work.
You could roll persuasion to try to get her to surrender right now, potentially.

Speaker 11 And to be fair, you'd also have the spell charm person. So if you wanted to cast charm person to make somebody like you, you could try to use that spell in particular.

Speaker 11 I don't think any of these are necessarily respectful options, but she's also seems like she's getting ready to cast spells to attack us okay so she's trying to hurt us so do we want to make friends with her or do i just say and go melee on her um

Speaker 4 maybe we can i know what you're saying i don't think we can be friends with her we got to get her and get her and get information out of her but i can't if i go persuasion i can make her talk to us yeah or can our uh can bob costas kill her uh bob costas is following you i will assume bard and as he runs in he says oh that an acolyte i don't know her i don't know that one but she she, uh, like, big, ooh, I talked to Tiamat.

Speaker 11 I talked to Tiamat. She very special leader.

Speaker 4 He's lying. Yeah, I think he's lying to us.
All right, so what do you want to persuade her?

Speaker 4 So I can persuade her, make her become friends with Switzerland, and then she can tell us what the hell is going on with Switzerland. Shadow Dragon.
Yes.

Speaker 11 So if you roll well on this persuasion check, you might get her to surrender, but you run after her and the barbarian, and you can roll and add a plus five to this.

Speaker 11 If you could convince her to throw down her arms and surrender.

Speaker 4 Okay, I'm going to call this my respect roll here. There we go.
It's an eight.

Speaker 4 I have eight respects for her.

Speaker 11 Plus five. And then you add plus five to this with a 13.
She turns back and then she says, Tia Matme spare you, but she's still running and trying to cast spells to attack us if we chase her.

Speaker 11 She's not going to be targeting you, Bard, but that is all that you're getting right now.

Speaker 11 To be fair, if you say something to her, she might blurt out an answer right now, but she's not going to stop running at the moment.

Speaker 4 She basically was like, Hey, dude, you seem like a nice guy. I'm not into nice guys.
She was like, You got a great personality, right? Right. Yeah, yeah, that's fine.
I've been

Speaker 4 there before.

Speaker 4 Can I ask her, what's the deal with that shadow dragon?

Speaker 11 Oh, she's she gestures at the kind of shadow. Now, actually, I got to warn you, you didn't see that.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 4 Then I'll change my question.

Speaker 4 I'm the one who's tricking. I'd like to change my question then.

Speaker 4 Where are you going?

Speaker 11 Where are you going? She says, I am fleeing back to Frulebondath.

Speaker 11 She will know what to do next.

Speaker 4 Oh, Frulemandath.

Speaker 11 Please, just let me go.

Speaker 11 I will not attack you any longer if you do not attack me. We are only here for the money.
We have to stop him.

Speaker 4 She's going to go. She's going to tell him.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 4 All right. All right.

Speaker 4 Is it Hanks? It's Hanks or Hank.

Speaker 11 Now that brings us from your turn, Wayne, to Ehrlich's turn now. Ehrlich, yeah.

Speaker 4 What would you like to do?

Speaker 11 And in theory, you've got one of these cultists who's trying to run away away right now, charmed at the moment, but he's like heading out, trying to run for it.

Speaker 11 And you could chase after him, and he'd be very friendly with you, even if the other people wouldn't be.

Speaker 11 At the same time, you could do an attack spell at somebody, or there is now a clear route to the castle that you want.

Speaker 4 Should we go to the castle? Yeah, you want to run to the castle? We're going to let her go to Fru Lamonda? Where's the castle?

Speaker 4 Would I be able to take her out, just eliminate her from the equation? Because that's what we want, right? Or just capture her. Because I'm afraid that she's going to tell Fru Lamonda.

Speaker 4 We should kill you guys. Got to roll deep on this.
All right, let me. Yeah, let's.
I want to go after her. I want to go after her.
The witch.

Speaker 11 Absolutely. Were you hoping to deal enough damage to knock her out? Or were you going to try to tackle her?

Speaker 4 No, KO. One, one shot.

Speaker 11 KO, absolutely. I'll let you use your Eldritch Blast to knock somebody out for sure.
And you will roll a D20 plus five to see if you hit her. Let's go, Hank.

Speaker 11 Conjure up this strange energy in your hand.

Speaker 4 I got a four.

Speaker 4 We should be

Speaker 4 a four.

Speaker 11 Or even with a plus five, you are launching an eldritch blast in her direction, but it is she turns and then ducks out of the way.

Speaker 4 You didn't fucking kill her either. You did nothing.
You avoided your tackle like it was nothing. She's shredded.

Speaker 4 She's a better juker than you are in NCAA football. God damn it.
Still working on the pursuit. All right.

Speaker 4 All right. So now what do we got? Billy?

Speaker 4 Billy's up.

Speaker 4 Now, Berserker Billy, you'd be up.

Speaker 11 What would you like to do? Then she's going to get a chance to try to run away from us, but she also sees spells being cast at her, and she might cast a spell back.

Speaker 4 All right. You got to take it.
Billy, you're the meat shield. Just go at her.
I got an idea. I got an idea.
Go ham at her. Get her.
No, no. We get Bob to send a message.
What? No.

Speaker 4 Billy, you're way too inside your own, dude. Go for her.
Okay, okay. Hammer, hammer time, hammer lightning.
That's good. Yeah, hammer time, hammer lightning.

Speaker 4 Ride the lightning. All right.

Speaker 11 So if you have Bob with you, you could get him trying to talk to this person, see if it'll help you. You'd have plus four on persuasion if you were trying to talk to her.

Speaker 11 Is that what you said you were trying to do?

Speaker 4 No, you know, time for that just for war hammer, hammer of lightning, absolutely 100%.

Speaker 11 If you charge her and swing your war hammer, you'd think it would probably deal enough to knock her out after the three damage she's already taken.

Speaker 11 So, roll a d20, and you had plus four for your warhammer.

Speaker 4 Oh, hammer time, hammer time, hammer time. Come on, come on, Billy.
Fuck. It's a three.

Speaker 4 It's a three, Tim.

Speaker 11 Unfortunately, and you don't have barnic inspiration at the moment, and she wouldn't be giving you nothing get an advantage on that, unfortunately. Now, you've charged her at the same time.

Speaker 11 Bob hasn't done anything. So, as Bob runs up to follow us, he starts to see what the bard was doing.

Speaker 11 And on Bob's turn, just before she runs further, would someone like to roll for Bob to see if Bob can convince her? He's saying, Hey, hold on, stop. We just want to talk to you.

Speaker 4 Bubba, you want to roll for Bob? Wait.

Speaker 4 Okay, we got Bubba rolling for Bob right now.

Speaker 11 Yeah, who would like to roll for Bob?

Speaker 4 Bubba's got it here.

Speaker 4 Eight. He rolled an eight.

Speaker 11 He's got a plus one on this. And with a nine, she just spits on the ground and says, Kobold filth, you traitor.
And Bob just shrugs. He says, ass, I can't please some people.

Speaker 11 And she is trying to run for it right now, but she is trying to hide amongst some buildings. She is not managing to hide.
You see her dive in through a window. She crouches.
She rises up.

Speaker 11 And she's still watching us, getting getting a spell at the ready that would bring us back to norm the barbarian

Speaker 4 we got to finish her off yeah we gotta her off she's gonna mess us up yeah

Speaker 4 yeah yeah yeah so whatever i gotta do i'll do for the team hank spam our pgs

Speaker 11 Are you going to tackle her again or are you going to just try to hit knock her out?

Speaker 4 The guy's got to try to fucking knock her out. I know she can't tackle.

Speaker 4 Can't wrap up.

Speaker 11 Go right ahead. You're going to roll a D20 plus five with your greatsword.

Speaker 4 All right, what am I looking for here?

Speaker 11 Probably not very high armor. You hit a full bold with a 13.
You think if she has better armor, you don't think it's much better.

Speaker 4 Okay, plus 10, plus 7.

Speaker 4 10.

Speaker 4 That should be good.

Speaker 11 10 plus 5.

Speaker 11 So a 15 total.

Speaker 4 Yep, yep.

Speaker 11 With a 15 total, you swing down through the window, shattering the window frame, and you swing down. She raises up her arm to protect herself, and you hit with that, dealing full damage.

Speaker 11 And were you aiming to knock knock out or kill this acolyte?

Speaker 4 I don't have time for it. Oh, yeah, we gotta kill her.
We gotta kill her. We already have one hostage.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 11 With a slash, your sword is buried in her, and she is slain.

Speaker 4 And yes!

Speaker 11 In your mind, for just a moment, you hear a roar of a dragon, as though there's a dragon roaring in your mind.

Speaker 4 I'm still tripping. Yeah.

Speaker 4 I'm still tripping. And

Speaker 11 she is slain, and you have defeated her. And now you are standing right in front of the castle.
There are no cultists blocking your way to the castle at this point.

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 11 in theory, that is your turn norm.

Speaker 4 Okay, let's go. Let's, by the way, let's let's let's go one more around.
So PFT, Hank, and then Billy will go, and then we'll end there. So let's try to get to a good spot here.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 That was exciting. We're outside the castle.
We've got a couple kills under our belt. Let's go.
Do we just go inside or are we trying to sneak in?

Speaker 4 Just game plan. Just game plan.
Just Just go the fuck out. Yeah, he said no one's in there.
No one's in front of us. Okay.
Yeah, let's go in. Front door.

Speaker 11 He's blocking our way to the castle. Front door.

Speaker 4 Let's go everybody first.

Speaker 11 You can see this. There's militia guards, town guardsmen with bows out.
And as they see you, the dwarf, they're like, okay, oh, oh, okay, they're all right. They're not cultists.
Come on in.

Speaker 11 Come on in, head in. And they're taking the occasional shot when a kobolder cultist pokes their head out.

Speaker 11 And it looks like there's 30-something people gathered in front of the great hall of this keep. So you run in through the gatehouse and you're inside a little courtyard.

Speaker 11 And in this courtyard, in front of the main keep, there looks like there's a guy in a purple vest with white hair, the mayor, you think.

Speaker 11 And he's telling this crowd of 30-something people, all will be well. Don't worry, all will be well.
Then somebody says, but what about the dragon? And everyone starts going nuts and screaming again.

Speaker 11 And he's like, ooh, wiping his brow. He seems very upset and doesn't have a good answer to that question.

Speaker 11 You also notice there is a dwarf here, one dwarf. Most of these people are humans in this village that you've seen so far, but uh, there is a dwarf running around who is healing people, it seems.

Speaker 11 There's a bunch of guards lying around who seem like they got badly injured and he's trying to administer first aid. That's all of what you see right now.

Speaker 4 Can we tell if they're like burn marks on them or are they battle scars?

Speaker 11 Uh, it looks like there are some battle scars from blades and stuff, but two of them look maybe burned. It's unclear.

Speaker 11 They look like they've been damaged by fire, but it doesn't look like normal bird marks.

Speaker 11 You could go up and you could try to make a medicine or Arcana check on them to see if you know what kind of damage they what do what do dragons eat?

Speaker 11 Ooh, dragons, as far as you know, eat meat in large, large quantities. And after that, it really depends on the dragon.

Speaker 4 Okay, I'm just wondering if we can poison this dragon like throw out a bunch of food for it that i've like put a spell into and then we kill the dragon like without even having to throw hands at it

Speaker 11 yeah i like it can i make fake dragon food that's poisonous uh you would have a spell called minor illusion where you can create a human size like pile of something like dragon food and i'd say for the the purposes of this spell i'd like you make a good smell coming off of it also but here's the catch the moment a dragon touches it their hand will go right through the illusion so you do have that at your disposal so i can lure them but they i can't actually poison so lure them and they won't have hank and billy do something yeah okay i'd like to yeah i'd like to make hologram version of dragon food I love that.

Speaker 11 Now,

Speaker 11 the best of your guess, a good example would be the classic, like the T-Rex in Jurassic Park, a goat just kind of leashed maybe up on the wall, perhaps.

Speaker 11 Do you want to put it up? Where do you want to put this illusion?

Speaker 11 Outside the castle, inside the castle, on the walls, where in the courtyard, do you think?

Speaker 4 Yeah, that's what we're doing. And then we can get high ground and we can get a dragon in close quarters.
Yeah. Ambush.
Okay, yeah, let's put it in the wall.

Speaker 4 We should put it in a room and lock them in there.

Speaker 4 Is there like a dungeon in there? In the castle?

Speaker 11 There does seem like there would be... There's big doors leading into.
There are probably dungeons underneath this castle.

Speaker 4 I think we should be able to see it.

Speaker 11 But the dragon would be too big.

Speaker 4 We've got a man cave. Courtyard.
All right, it's a courtyard.

Speaker 4 Okay, well, Lord of the Dragon, the courtyard, like a big bowl of whatever type of dragon food. Like some sort of goat.
I like that soup. Dragon soup, like Cincinnati chili.

Speaker 11 Okay, you're making like a big, a big stew, it looks like a big meaty stew for this dragon. Like big goat legs floating in it.

Speaker 4 Yeah, some shredded cheese on top.

Speaker 11 Completed meal. I love that.
That's good. People will see this huge bowl appear and they will be shocked and they'll jump back.

Speaker 11 And then some kids will run up and they'll start touching the illusion and waving their hands and be like it's not real it's not real whoa um do you do anything the mayor's like whose soup is that i put up a sign that says please do not touch the soup a sign appears please do not touch the soup it flashes for just a moment and then hot soup hot soup hot soup do not touch yes

Speaker 4 absolutely and Ehrlich,

Speaker 11 you in theory, we had already established, do speak the draconic language.

Speaker 11 You could have an attack that in theory, you could like get ready right now if you just want to ready an attack for when something does show up.

Speaker 11 But in theory, you'd also have spells like charm person, and you'd also be very persuasive for talking to townsfolk or

Speaker 11 talking to anybody around.

Speaker 4 I think I just need to get ready. Load the chopper.
What about persuading December 30th? Persuade everyone to pretend that the shit, that the stew is real.

Speaker 4 I'll have people line up with bulls and stuff. Like, we got to take the fuck out of this dragon.

Speaker 4 But don't we need ammo for when the dragon comes? Shouldn't I load up? Should I just load up? You gotta get trap trap ammo. Yeah, Jerry.
I've been a beast. I'd have to reload a sword.

Speaker 4 Whatever the team says, whatever the team says,

Speaker 4 let's convince the townspeople that the soup is real. Wait, does anybody else in this town recognize Hank as a duplicitous fuck?

Speaker 11 Well, here's the thing. He's a gnome.
So, no, it doesn't seem like anybody recognizes him in this town, but he's definitely noteworthy.

Speaker 11 Most of these people are humans, and as a gnome, he'd be like a little spellcaster running around here.

Speaker 4 Okay. Very noteworthy.
So,

Speaker 4 can we have him

Speaker 4 get basically the entire little area all in line? Like, hey, this is the plan.

Speaker 11 You're telling them this is the plan. I love that absolutely.
So you get them in on this plan, roll persuasion with a plus five, a d20 plus five to convince them to get in on this idea.

Speaker 4 Seven.

Speaker 11 Nice and to make sure they do it well.

Speaker 4 He rolled a seven.

Speaker 4 He rolled a seven. Seven.

Speaker 11 A seven plus five, a 12 is enough.

Speaker 4 You're actually doing a pretty good job.

Speaker 11 These towns folks are are surprisingly good at putting up this ruse of being hungry. Probably the smell of the stew helps them.
And they're all loudly saying, I hope no dragons take this food.

Speaker 11 Because this,

Speaker 11 they are also aware maybe of what we're plotting. They're also doing a good job of keeping their distance from the stew.
Like, oh, I want to get closer, but I'm not too close.

Speaker 4 They know. Yeah, the sign we let them know that.
Oh, they're in on the jail. They're real hungry with some stew.

Speaker 4 All right, and so Billy's gonna get us finally perfect because we're gonna get set up for the news. So I want to set the trap.
What can I type of trap can I set?

Speaker 4 So when the dragon comes, can we like throw like a huge net on it? Or like, what does my war priest magic got going?

Speaker 11 Hmm, let's see.

Speaker 4 Maybe that big thing in Game of Thrones on the ship type thing.

Speaker 11 You know what I'm saying? Oh, like the chain.

Speaker 8 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 11 Okay. Okay.
What you want to cue up? I'm going to tell you why. It's a, oh, it's a, yeah, it's a guiding bolt.
And here's why.

Speaker 11 why because it didn't come into play when you were vaporizing the cultists in one go, but when you hit something with a guiding bolt, everybody who fires after you gets advantage on their attack.

Speaker 11 Okay, so you go first, then you put a bullseye on this thing, and everybody who shoots after you.

Speaker 4 I just want to set up to fuck up this dragon. Yeah, I'm camping, I'm camping on the dragon.
You're like, you're pointing the laser at the bottom. Got the shot ready for the guiding bolt.

Speaker 4 Okay, so you see roll?

Speaker 11 Because it's a readied shot, you are going to get to fire it before anything else happens.

Speaker 11 And then the smell starts wafting out and you are going to get to roll as our finale for the day because what you are seeing, first of all, hearing is a flapping sound, a leathery...

Speaker 11 swooping of wings as in the distance behind several cottages we see blue lizard-like wings spread and a two-scaled dragon takes off into the air, flaps once, twice, flies towards the castle.

Speaker 11 It's a big horn on its head. And it says, what's that smell?

Speaker 4 And it says,

Speaker 11 go ahead and roll a D20 plus 50.

Speaker 4 Come on, Philly. Don't let us down, dude.
Come on, 20. Come on.
Come on, 20.

Speaker 4 Oh, he rolled a five.

Speaker 11 Okay, hold on. What's the roll?

Speaker 4 50.

Speaker 11 A five, and then with a plus five, that would be a 10. But however, I am giving for this awesome idea.

Speaker 11 some oh better yet i don't have to give dms inspiration you're surprising the dragon you're in a hidden position the dragon's looking around for food saying oh this is gonna be good roll one more time you have advantage for surprising the dragon here we go here we go here we go let us down come on

Speaker 4 nine

Speaker 11 nine with a plus five 14.

Speaker 11 so here's the thing i'm just going to ask one question would the bard have given inspiration to this you could have done your illusion and still given inspiration Yeah, I'll give that so bar.

Speaker 4 I'll give him a little pep talk.

Speaker 11 What did you say is your pep talk?

Speaker 4 I said, all gas, no breaks.

Speaker 11 All gas, no breaks. And you remember him saying just before you fired, all gas, no breaks.
Roll, we're gonna roll an extra D6 to see what you add on to this.

Speaker 11 And it's a full plus six. That's exactly what you needed to that roll.

Speaker 4 Because your team hits the dragon

Speaker 11 in the face.

Speaker 11 And the dragon lights up with a glowing halo all all around it and for just a moment you hear your war gods drums boom boom boom boom boom boom everybody can hear it but then the dragon turns its head to our castle and goes oh indraconic you're all in for it now and starts flying towards the castle

Speaker 4 perfect cliffhanger

Speaker 4 is doing that

Speaker 4 chris farley gift when he realizes it's fake folder's coffee yes you son of a bitch you got my attention

Speaker 4 all right Well, Tim, that was fantastic. So, two weeks from now, we will find out what happens when the dragon comes and fucks with our castle.
This was awesome, man.

Speaker 4 Thank you as always. Thank you, Tim.

Speaker 11 Absolutely. It's such a pleasure.

Speaker 4 Thank you so much. All right, we'll see you in a couple weeks, man.

Speaker 11 See you dog. Take care.
See you in a few weeks.

Speaker 4 Love you guys.

Speaker 4 Talking away.

Speaker 4 I don't know what I'm to say. I'd say it anyway.

Speaker 4 Today is another

Speaker 4 day to find you shy

Speaker 4 away

Speaker 4 Oh, I'll be coming for your love, okay.

Speaker 4 to your

Speaker 4 time

Speaker 4 needless to say

Speaker 4 that I'm upset in

Speaker 4 spite

Speaker 4 stumbling let it wake.

Speaker 4 Slowly learning that life is okay.

Speaker 4 Say after me.

Speaker 4 It's no better to be saved than sorry.

Speaker 4 Say after me.

Speaker 4 It's no better to be saved than sorry.

Speaker 4 Drink out the cake.

Speaker 4 drink of the old

Speaker 4 dream.

Speaker 4 Half the dreams that stay,

Speaker 4 and feel

Speaker 4 I know.

Speaker 4 Just play the story

Speaker 4 away.

Speaker 4 I'll be coming with you anyway.

Speaker 4 It's Pardon My Take presented by Bar School Sports.