Joe Burrow, Musician Mike Posner, NFL Schedule Release And Mt Flushmore Of Minor Injuries

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We got number one pick in the NFL draft, 2020 NFL draft, Joe Burrow, Cincinnati Bengals starting QB. And then we have musician Mike Posner.
Did I say it right? Nailed it. I nailed it.
Interesting interview with him. We have Fire Fest of the week.
Mount Flushmore of minor injuries and NFL schedule release. Oh, yeah.
And Earl Thomas had an orgy with his brother and then his wife held him at gunpoint. That was just a minor thing that we talked about.
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Boy! Boy! Now in the street there is violence And then I love to solve what can be done No place to hang out on washing. And then I can't leave all on the sun.
Oh, no. We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue.
And then we'll take it higher. Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue.
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You get $10 for free, $10 for the ASPCA. Today is Friday, May 8th, and we have an NFL schedule.
And hope. Hope is the most important thing.
Adam Schefter and hope. Hope is the most important thing.
We were gifted tonight. There are three types of reactions to seeing your team's NFL schedule comes out.
16-0. First is, I feel like 12-4 is a pretty common one.
If you've got a great team, you think we're going 12-4 because that's going to get you your division no matter what. There's 10-6.
That's if your team finished anywhere between 6-10 and 10-6 last year. You're looking at the schedule.
You're like, yeah, I can see 10 wins. And then the minimum, if you have a really shitty team, you're thinking, I can do 7-9 this year.
In the hunt. In the hunt.
8-8. Anything's possible.
In the hunt. So the schedule's here.
It's just great to look at it. Oh, first thing that I noticed, by the way, the Rams logo sucks even worse than I remember.
They did the logo reveal a month ago. We all roasted it.
I forgot about it. I see right away Dallas at Los Angeles to open up that new stadium on Sunday night.
I don't know if you've heard, but if you follow any Big J journalists who go in and out of Los Angeles, they're building a new stadium there. But man, does that logo suck.
Their schedule announcement video, though, was amazing. Oh, I forgot what they did.
It's like prom night for team official Twitter accounts. Remember when they did the old school video games? That was cool.
It was with Jared and our guy Joey. Oh, it was great.
Joey Molinaro? Yeah. Whoa, I didn't know that.
He was on there. That's sick.
Good for you, Joey. Shout out Joey Molinaro.
Go follow him. Yeah, I'm looking at the official logo of the Rams here.
I thought that it was the Chargers. My initial reaction was, God damn, the Chargers have a lot of primetime games this year.
What's going on with that? So the Texans at the Chiefs just kick off the season.

I'm actually not that excited about this because I just think the Texans are

trash.

I'm excited.

Texans are trash.

So the reason I'm excited about it is that every time I think I know

something for sure, I'm always totally wrong about that thing.

So I think that the Texans are going to stink next year and be like 5 and

11, 6 and 10.

Now is the time to absolutely fade my own brain and think maybe the Texans will be frisky in week one. Super Bowl hangover.
No, I just don't see it. I just keep reminding myself, oh, yeah, the Texans don't have DeAndre Hopkins.
How the fuck did that happen? Other scheduling quirk. We have the first ever, never been done, Friday NFL game.
When is that? Christmas Day. Saints-Vikings.
Oh, wow. So the NFL is now saying, fuck you, NBA.
We're not giving you this day for free. They're fighting back, and they will have an NFL game on Christmas Day.
That's going to be awesome. That, I feel like, was specifically done to piss Sean Payton off.
It was done to piss off the NBA more than anything because the NBA is Christmas Day. And I love the NBA on Christmas Day, but when you put out an NFL game to compete with it, it's going to be tough.
I feel like that's a good opportunity to exploit a brand new Christmas under in football, though. Yeah, I'd have to look because I don't know.
The only problem is I don't know if the team has their families, if they're staying at the hotels or not because it's a bigger team. Kirk Cousins is going to be so mad that he has to play on Christmas.
Yeah, it's a bigger team. But that's a nice little quirk.
I was like, when I saw that and it said the first ever Friday game, I was like, holy shit, are we going to get a real Friday game? My favorite stories used to be how the NFL just didn't schedule Friday games because they wanted to respect high school football. I think that's true.
Yeah. So it's true.
So it's true. That's why they do it.
Yeah, it's true. In general.
But another scheduling quirk here. Adam Schefter announced that the league has contingency plans in place to move the season back move the super bowl back as long as like three or four weeks maybe longer that would mean that every game at the start of the season every week at the start of the season that wasn't played we get tacked on to the end of the season which could mean that opening day could be if it's not going to be the texans and the chiefs could be the browns and the bangles jo Joe Burrow could open up the season.
If it's moved back one week, if it's moved back a month, that would mean opening day would be the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and your Chicago Bears. Yes.
I don't want to think about that, though. I don't want to think about moving the schedule around.
Let's just think about football coming back in that first scheduled spot because I just can't think about that. We've got to positive right this is a positive day this is a hope day football is going to start right after Labor Day like it always does and we're going to be ready to go and it's going to feel fucking awesome I'm extremely excited I do have hope you know what I laughed at this tweet from Adam Schefter this morning I laughed at the most of all hope.
I did not. I feel hope.
I felt hope. I feel

hope right now. Hank,

would you like to hear

who the hardest and easiest schedules are?

Sure. The easiest schedule,

the Baltimore Ravens.

The hardest schedule,

the New England Patriots. Good.
Wouldn't have it

any other way. Okay.
To be the man, you gotta

beat the man. I also love this hardest, easiest

schedule because it all changes.

That's based off of teams from last year. Correct.

It's based off of, well, you can look at it

I don't know. any other way.
Okay. To be the man, you've got to beat the man.
I also love this hardest, easiest schedule because it all changes.

Right, that's based off of teams from last year.

Correct.

It's based off of,

well, you can look at it

that way or as our good friend

Warren Sharp would put it,

you can look at it

in the context of

what the expected wins

are in Vegas.

So that's a little bit different.

That's a better way

to look at it now,

but that also means nothing.

It's all completely going to change

over the course of the season.

I'm so excited for football. I can't wait.
Yeah, I agree. Any other scheduling quirks or anything that, I mean, it's kind of weird to go through the entire schedule.
I've done it for the Bears. For the whole league, it's weird to do.
Yeah, I'm pumped that the Redskins aren't going to have any primetime games. Zero primetime games.

No, no.

Thanksgiving counts as a primetime game.

It's an afternoon game.

That still counts as a primetime game.

We have zero night games.

That counts as a primetime game.

Okay, zero night games.

Okay.

Which is awesome because I think that we've gone winless in the last four years on night games.

Yeah, the Bears have four primetime games.

I'm hoping maybe one of those gets flexed out. But yeah, that's never – I just dread them.
I dread them so much. The Bills have two primetime games.
No, I thought the Bills had four. Are you sure? I might be looking at Monday Night Football only.
Yeah, I think you're looking at Monday Night Football only because I just counted three off the top. Yeah, they have four.
I love it. Yeah, they have a Thursday night and then a Sunday night and two Monday night games.
The one thing that we should call out, moment of silence for no Jags Titans Thursday night game. Tradition has been broken.
And that was the moment of silence for it. That was a game that I would look forward to every year.
Yeah, of course. The color rush, the mustard yellow.
It was our week of atonement. I think we made a trophy at one point.
It was our Yom Kippur. Yeah, we might have made a trophy.
A toilet bowl. Yeah.
We did a Chris Berman for it one time. That's true.
On a Friday episode. That's true.
It's just really sad to not have that. Traditions are important.
Because it started and then we just played the toilet flushing sound, if I remember correctly. That was the entire week.
Oh, hold on. But let's fix this.
I agree with you. It sucks we don't have that.
But we do have Dolphins versus Jaguars Thursday night football. That's pretty shitty.
And a cool, like, ooh, colors. That's a lot of colors game.
That's a cool game. Battle for Florida.
The Dolphins uniforms are not meant to be seen during the week that's strictly a weekend thing yeah but that's gonna be that will be a fun game i'm gonna say right now i'm gonna circle that as a fun game week three thursday night football miami dolphins at jacksonville jaguars to aware number one that's fun okay before we do earl thomas let's do one last thing with the nfl schedule we'll do rapid fire week one uh picks i'm the hottest gambler in the world still i have that crown because they canceled sports trying to keep me down when i was 80 and one that one night and also like plus 20 million units the last month before they canceled sports so just remember that okay opening night texans at chiefs kansas city minus 10 and a half at home. Chiefs.
I like that. I'm going to take that too.
Next up, we have New England. New England is minus six, and they're playing against the Miami Dolphins.
Okay. And the game is...
I know where it is, but I'm not telling you. Trying to track it.
It's in New England. Okay.
I'll take... New England.
I'll take... I'll take the Dolphins.
That's a shocker. Belichick against a rookie quarterback.
I'm taking Belichick. Oh, you don't think Ryan Fitzpatrick is going to be a weak one starter? No, I think it's going to be Tua.
Throw him into the fire. Next up, we have Baltimore against the Cleveland Browns.
This is in Baltimore, and Baltimore is an eight-point favorite. Give me the Browns.
I'm going to agree with you on that one. Buffalo, minus 5.5 at home against the Jets.
Give me the Jets, which, by the way, we've taped this twice, and I just want to say I want credit for having the rat line because we had the home and away confused at first. So PFT said Bills at Jets.
Jets plus five and a half. I said that was my rat line of week one.
Turns out the game's at Buffalo, but I still sniffed out that rat line. Okay.
Credit to you for sniffing out the rat line. I've got the Bills, and I'm done chaining the Jets before the season even starts.
You don't respect the done chaining. I don't.
Carolina minus one. Carolina minus one at home against the Raiders.
Give me the Las Vegas Raiders. Winning on the road.
Yes. Rookie coach.
Yes. I'm taking the Raiders.
Seattle. Seattle minus one on the road traveling to Atlanta.
But it's not that far east that they're traveling, remember? Yep. Atlanta's farther west than Detroit.
um uh what's the line minus one minus one i will take i'll take the falcons i'm gonna take i'm gonna take the falcons too i think they're gonna be frisky my week one strategy is just basically bet on the teams that sucked last year uh philadelphia minus six at washington i'll take the eagles there sorry i'm gonna take the redskinsins. New coach.
I like to bet on new coaches. Yeah, but the Eagles, you got to remember, this is the only time all year that you're going to be able to bet on the Eagles fully healthy.
Detroit minus one against Chicago. I will take the Bears.
Okay, I'm going to take the Bears too. Indianapolis minus 7.5 at Jacksonville.

Can't wait to ask you guys all these the day before the season starts.

Yeah, it's going to be so different.

Jags.

Jags are plus 7.5 at home?

Let's see.

Jags are plus 7.5 at home.

Yeah, Jags.

Yeah, I'm going to take the Jags too.

Next up we have Minnesota minus 3.5,

and they're playing at home against Green Bay.

Give me the Packers.

Packers.

Brett Favre is going to be so pissed off at the start of the season.

Plus 3.5.

The Chargers minus 4 at Cincinnati.

Joe Burrow's debut.

Give me the Bengals.

I'm taking the Bengals.

San Francisco minus 7.5 at home against the Cardinals. Easy bet.
I'm going to agree with you on that one. John DeAndre Hopkins is on the Cardinals just a reminder.
Everyone's forgetting about the Cardinals. New Orleans minus 4.5 against Tampa Bay.
Wow. The disrespect.
That's at home. It's in the dome.
Yeah, I'll take the Bucs there. Plus four and a half.
I'm going to take some dome magic. I'm going to say dome magic at home in New Orleans.
Four and a half. Dallas minus three at the Rams.
Are they going to be passing each other in records in that game? Is that going to be one of those situations? It might be. I'll take the Rams plus three at home? Yes.
Yes. I'm going to agree with you on that one.
Next up, Pittsburgh minus three at the Giants. This is the first Monday night game.
Yeah, I'll take the Steelers. Me too.
Denver minus three, the Sergio Dipp game. Denver minus three against the Titans, but it's in Denver.
It's at altitude. Yeah, I'll take the Broncos.
I'm going to take the Broncos too. That defense

is going to be ready. Alright, so there goes

the week one picks. Probably the worst segment we've

ever done, but there it is. Let's just see how

we do. Locks of the week.
Yeah. Alright, let's

get to Earl

Thomas.

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See AHS.com slash contracts for coverage details, limitations, and exclusions. Okay, before we get to Firefest, Earl Thomas.
Why? What happened? Earl Thomas. He okay? Where should we start? Well, let's start at the start with him because he pulled an okey--doke on us yep um he needed some pr one-on-one right off the bat he tried to get out ahead of this story by going on instagram and saying hey some stuff's about to come out between me and my wife stuff happens some stuff happened uh and i want you to pray for us and so everybody immediately thought earl got in trouble he got arrested for maybe hitting his wife something like that something domestic happened which yes something domestic happened um but what ended up transpiring i don't think was anything we could have predicted so if you have not heard the story a quick summary so that everyone's on the same page earl thomas got in a fight with his wife nina uh his brother came and picked him up this is in a I think a regular afternoon his brother came and picked him up to leave the house to defuse the fight his wife then pulled up Earl's snapchat logged into his snapchat got his location said oh shit Earl is with some chicks probably fucking him and his brother up at it again doing orgy shit she then got her crew uh which by the way just as a side talk about ride or die to call up your friends and be like grab your knives we're gonna go confront earl so got Caught her crew, went to the Airbnb that they were at, caught Earl and Seth.

Seth?

I believe it was seth so no wait yeah earl and seth in bed with women and together and then proceeded to hold earl at gunpoint with a unloaded gun but it actually had a bullet in there to try to scare him straight god forbid i mean i'm actually like thank god earl thomas didn't die right it seems like it could have been a situation where someone accidentally fires off a gun and then they arrested earl thomas's wife earl thomas did not get arrested and see safety first she took the magazine out so she was trying to be safe when she was holding a gun a foot away from his head. She didn't realize that there was one in the chamber.
It was like the Tiger King situation where it's like this gun won't fire without a magazine. It turns out it can't if there's one in the chamber.
So yeah, she confronts Earl. We need to get a detailed breakdown of exactly what the layout of this house was.
Were they in the same bed together? Were the brothers just, were they bring out i think it was separate rooms i think it was one of those doc antle orgy beds where it's like there can be 10 people in a bed at the same time that has to be just remove ourselves from the situation that has to be the coolest thing that an earl and seth duo have ever done together right like those names aren't i'm thinking like earl and seth we're about to fucking get down. Earl and Seth are have ever done together, right? Like, those names aren't...

You're not thinking, like, Earl and Seth, we're about to fucking get down.

Earl and Seth are sitting at a diner, like, complaining to each other about God knows

what.

They're not having orgies in the middle of the day at their fuck shack.

I think Earl and Seth have definitely run from the law before.

They've definitely been on the land, like, as fugitives together, partnering up.

Seth's kind of a pussy name.

Using payphones. Earl and Seth...
No, Seth. Seth is definitely a name that gets Earl into trouble, not the other way around.
Seth is the more wild card of the two names. You throw Travis into the mix, and now we're talking a real fuck-up of a triumvirate.
Earl on its own. Earl seems like a guy that likes to hang out in his backyard on a lawn chair, maybe have one too many, almost drown in his kiddie pool, come back inside and sleep it off.
When you add a Seth into the mix, Seth is the one that brings over the illegal fireworks. Oh, I disagree.
And then they start blowing shit up. One thing leads to another, and they start fucking.
I think you just described that old TV show. Yeah, I don't think Seth get down like that.
Seth who? No. You need to expand your Seth horizon, my friend.
Oh, yeah? Give me some Seth. Just Seth in general.
Seth Curry, the lamer Curry. Seth that I knew growing up.
No, but his son is going to be a monster. But he's still the lamer Curry.
Yeah, but he married Doc Rivers' daughter, so they're... Seth Curry's kid is going to be the greatest basketball player alive.
Right now you're saying it? He'll be taking down the Bronies. Put that in i don't i don't think uh well here's the other thing is that seth i would assume if your brother's in the nfl and your brother's like yo let's do some fucking you kind of just have to do it like you don't get to decide like hey earl could we try this could we try to have sex with these women in different rooms? That's something that Earl Thomas calls the shots.
He's like, I'm the NFL player. I'm the millionaire.
If I say we're going to fuck in the same room, we're going to fuck in the same room. I think that Seth is – you don't have to convince Seth too much to be a wingman in this situation.
Because he's like, the only way that I'm going to be able to score these hot chicks is if I'm around Earl. So it's a symbiotic relationship where, yeah, if you had to draw it up and plan out your night, you probably don't go into night being like, I can't wait to have sex with girls with my brother in the room having sex with them too.
But it's a give and take where it's like, I could be having sex with more attractive women if Earl is around. I just got to bite the bullet.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I just got to bite the bullet.
It's Earl driving. That's a bad choice of words.
I just have to suck it up. That's another bad choice of words.
I just have to deal with the fact that I'm going to watch my brother have sex while I have sex. But that's my point.
And so you're agreeing that Earl is the driver here. Earl is the driver of the orgy.
I looked at his scouting report. This is true.
Okay, this is going to sound like a Rick Riley. This is his scouting report.
He can play man-to-man or in the box. He's a prototypical strong safety.
I think you made that up. Nope.
Nolan Naraki. It's going to be a very interesting Mother's Day on Sunday.
Yeah. Yeah, that's true.
What do you get your mom in that situation? I don't know. And also, if the whole family comes over just seth come i don't think so i don't think so i think they both come i okay there's a rick riley i don't i don't i don't think seth is allowed over the house on mother's day it's gonna be awkward it's gonna be very awkward i just want to know more about these women who showed up with Earl Thomas's wife brandishing weapons, being like, let's go fuck them up.
I also need to know what type of Airbnb review they got afterwards. I want to read that.
I thought Airbnbs were done, so I feel like this must be he's got an Airbnb on deck at all times, kind of like Michael Irvin in the White House. He's stimulating the economy a little bit.
He's just got that ready to go. Now, were they all part of the same social distancing circle had they been in quarantine together yeah i don't know that's the big concern um either way wild story because there was a moment where earl thomas's career was over and then it came out and was like wait dude why didn't you just say on your instagram when you got ahead of the story that you didn't get arrested you should have just said that uh but weird story out of nowhere earl thomas hey stuff happens i just want to know what what has to happen in earl thomas's life outside of getting held at gunpoint by his wife after an orgy with his brother to escalate it to the next level beyond stuff happens.

I think stuff happens is just an all-encompassing term where if you can say it after this,

you can say it after anything.

And he's right.

I mean, find a hole in his logic.

Stuff does happen sometimes.

Stuff does happen, but that is more than stuff happening.

So for him to be that cool about stuff happening, I don't know what makes Earl Thomas be like, yo, shit went down. That's the next level.
Yeah. I mean, he was on the field when they lost the Super Bowl at the two-yard line.
Yeah, that was more than stuff happens. That's more than stuff happens.
He had run over by Derrick Henry. Yeah.
So like you see, yeah, you take a stiff arm from Derrick Henry in the playoffs, all of a sudden getting caught with your pants down with your little brother in the same bed. It's like, okay, I'd rather do this than get run over again.
It's pretty much the Seinfeld yada, yada, yada. Like, dude, stuff happens, you got held at gunpoint by your wife.
It is the new yada, yada. That's more than stuff happens.
He yada'd incest. We need to figure out a different word for stuff happens, you know, a different phrase for stuff happens when it's talking about being held, almost dying, because you had an orgy with your brother in the middle of the afternoon.
Now, do you think that we're going to see social distancing laws change because people are protesting the fact that they can't go to the bowling alley? Nobody's brought up orgies yet, but you know that the orgy people are underground waiting for somebody to take a stand. The orgy people have been key.
You don't stop orgying because there's a pandemic. You might.
That's not something you do. You might because you have to schedule out the orgy.
And I think that there's one person in every group chat, even if it's an orgy group chat, that's like, hey, are we sure that this is the safe thing to do? No, orgy people will find a way to orgy no matter what. The hell could be, the be burning down there could be an asteroid and they'll be like we got a fucking orgy like we had this on the books we have to do it zoom orgies aren't the same no no it's i'm confident that orgy people will in the face of a pandemic they will keep sucking and fucking their way through it let's absolutely uh all right fire fest hank go i actually have multiple fire fest this week oh bad week the first one is that i was ordering a rug and i was like don't worry about it ria like i'll order myself found a rug picked it out clicked uh buy and it showed up and it's a nine foot by 12 foot rug picture it is way bigger than i have space for in my apartment and And it's so big that I literally just don't know what to do with it.
So I just had this giant rug. Like we might give it to Rhea's parents, but it's like, I don't even know how we're going to get it.
It's 12 feet long. So can you cut the rug though? I guess.
You can always make a smaller rug out of a bigger rug. Yeah.
We do have that sword here at Big Cat's desk. Yeah.
But yeah. Cut it.
I can cut a rug. So that's one.
And that's just one where it's like you know i feel like it's like oh yeah i can take care of it and it's like i probably should just let my girlfriend order the rug because it would have come in the correct size uh-huh did you measure no you didn't try to right no i was just like rug like there's nothing worse there's nothing worse than than taking control of a situation and then just royally fucking it up in like a hilarious way where everyone's like your girlfriend or your wife's like what are you doing and i was why didn't you just let me do it and i was excited exactly because i was excited about the rug i was like oh the rug's coming tomorrow the rug's coming tomorrow like ringing the doorbell the rug's here and then i was like oh uh yep this is literally 12 feet long spin zone you'll never be asked to do anything like Right, correct. So at least you're off the hook.
And then my other one is that I have Adam Gase eyes when I play video games. Let's see him.
See ghosts? No, it's like I get super focused when I'm concentrated. I guess you can see that.
I think it's because you can see the whites of my eyes and the top of them. But I've seen the videos.
The Undertaker? And they just bug out. My eyes bug out.
I just stare for long periods of time. You can blink, you know.
I know, but I'm so concentrated. I don't know what I'm doing.
It's one of those things where I'm not thinking about what I look like when I'm playing. I'm just focusing on the game.
You guys smoke more weed. And then everyone's like, dude, you have Adam Gay's eyes.
You smoke more weed, all of a sudden your eyes get real narrow. Yeah, then I'm just terrible at the game, though.
I've really been trying to get better. Good, Hank.
Thankank thank you i am too i'm proud of you all right uh pfm mine's also video game related so i i'm developing what's commonly known as gamer's thumb in both both thumbs right now because i've been playing a lot of super mario kart and that game requires you to always have your thumbs activated throughout the entire race so like i've, I've got this weird, like, numb sensation in my left thumb,

numb sensation in my right.

I wake up that they're sore in the morning.

It's tough.

It's like calluses, though.

You just got to push through.

It's tough.

Am I going to get a callus out of this?

Yeah.

Or is it just going to be sore for forever?

No, you just got to keep, like, get it permanently sore,

and eventually, yeah, eventually it'll become hard.

Because every time, yeah, I'm playing with Yoshi,

and, you know, you got to, it's pedal to the metal every single time you play Super Mario Kart. You don't hit the brake.
You don't take your thumb off. So I'm dealing with gamers.
Is that what it's called? That's what I've called. I've got gamers' thumb going on.
It's like turf toe. Yeah.
We all are dealing with video game stuff. I'm getting bullied in the Twitch stream nonstop.
But my FireFest is – I have two as well, Hank. My first is mindy kaling pft you told me about this but mindy kaling uh tried to tweet out she pulled a hank as we call it in the business hey uh who has an idea give me recommendations for new cookware and then like the most expensive cookware in the world hit her up and was like hey we'll send you whatever you want for free.
What's wrong with that? She got shamed. And now everyone's like, dude, you like, if you can afford it, don't do that.
And I need to get movers, uh, in, in like a couple of weeks. And now I can't do that.
So I really wanted to get the best movers in New York. And I wish someone would hit me up and be like, Hey, I'll pay, but I want the best of the best.
But now I can't tweet that. Classic Hank she pulled there.
Yeah. Classic Hank.
Good thing you didn't say anything about it. Right.
So I can't do it. I can't ask for the best movers.
Please email me at BarstoolBigCatty's email. She absolutely ruined it forever.
Right. But it's funny seeing all the replies to that.
People being like, why don't you send me one if you're going to send one to Mindy Kalin? Right. So I'm firmly on team lodge cast iron cookware instead of luck crusade okay I also think there's a chance that that was like a pre oh yeah yeah yeah for sure so she she not only got paid for it but then she got the product yeah she got paid for it they're like how are we gonna market it in there and she was she's very smart she's very funny she's like oh I'll I'll put out pretending like I don't have this stuff.
That's what I did with the movers. Please still help me out.
I would never do something like that. I'm out to take a big sip of my delicious body armor.
You're good with your amps right now? Your guitar amps? Oh, I would never do that. That was the best.
Yeah. I need a new guitar amp.
Defender. Defender works, man.
Okay. My other fire fest is, oh, my guy Jay Cutler is getting dragged for no reason in the presses, and it's bullshit.
And it's transparent, and I'm seeing right through it. Kristen Cavallari has now had like seven stories in the last week that she's leaked to the press.
My quarterback has not said a word. He's taking the high road.
If you don't see through this, if you don't see through Kristen Cav cavallari's fucking reality show bullshit i don't want to know you i am enjoying very much the body language experts the body language translators that are all about what who's leaning in so if you're simping you're leaning in and if you're a man you're standing up straight the picture and she's the one that's leaning into you for protection i'd also happily be a character witness in any court uh hearings because jay cutler how could he be lazy he's fucking training to be an olympic handballist good point handballist handballist yeah and also if he's leaning over her he's protecting her right i would think if you're taller than the person next to you you're protecting them against bird shit yeah rain all that stuff it's also just a hilarious premise to say uh this guy who's made uh hundreds 100 million dollars for our family who has uh diabetes and got the shit kicked out of him playing football for the last 20 years just wants to sit on the couch for a little bit like even if he were lazy i don't think anyone in america would be like dude how could you do that The diabetes card is one that he could very easily play in the press. It's just crazy.
The whole thing, I got triggered by seeing the 17th story, like I said, that she's leaking. You don't play these games in the press.
Also, she said she wants her privacy and that has leaked 17 stories. She said that she wants a $5 million mansion mansion and Jay froze the bank accounts and told her to get a job.

I think, so is there any

possibility that this is a publicity

stunt for her reality

show where they've discussed all this?

No. Team Jay, we've moved on.

You don't think that there's a chance

that she's pulling a Kris Jenner?

No, she's going to try to make a reality show out of

this. 100%.
She is going to

have a reality show being like living through a divorce

or some bullshit.

Jay is not. You don't think that the divorce

There's... She's going to try to make a reality show out of this.
100%. She is going to have a reality show being like living through a divorce or some bullshit.
But you don't think that? Jay is not. You don't think that the divorce is something that they're drumming up? No.
Uh-uh. Stay woke? Uh-uh.
No. What do you think, Hank? Hank's giving Adam Gay's eyes right now on me and Big Cat.
I mean, we're talking E, folks. We're talking E.
No, she will try to make a show out of this. Jay will not be involved.
I't know they're gonna be i i would be on your side but the fact that it's e network which is the home of the kardashians i can't 100 rule it out i believe you i like think you're right but i can't 100 rule it out you guys are ruining culture in america by being woke on everything i'd rather be too woke than too slept well every time i talk about the kardashians that's what you guys say to me so it's like well they're very much i mean everything is obviously planned with them that yeah no i mean kristin probably is going to plan something i'm like her ratings were probably down yeah and she was like how can i get my ratings up like you want to do it like the kardashians or do you want to fucking keep getting shitty ratings she's like i want to do it like kardashians jay will you do this with me she no she will have an instagram being like i like please leave me alone while i go through this tough time in my life and then in like six months be like kristin newly single kristin on e going through divorce crying on tv being like it was so difficult yeah because you made everything public all right that's my rant let's uh get to jo Burrow, first pick in the draft. All protein bars generally taste the same, but not one bars.
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Find all one bars at a retailer near you or on amazon.com now joe burrow okay we now welcome on recurring guest and good friend of the program number one pick in the 2020 nfl draft one one congratulations on that It is Joe Burrow, national champion too, we should say that. Joe Burrow joining us from his parents' house.
Do you think that you're the first number one pick overall in any sport that is still living in their parents' basement a month after the draft? Yeah, my dad likes to make the joke that I'm a 23-year-old millionaire living parents basement so it's not a joke yeah it's reality it's not a joke at this point it hits close to home so how does that work did you get a loan that's kind of fronted you some of the money have you made a big purchase yet or are you just are you waiting for everything to fall through i'm waiting for all the money to hit um haven't haven't signed the contract yet so you know we're just kind of waiting to see what what happens over the next three months because we really don't know okay so are you sleeping in your childhood bedroom yeah i am how big is the bed um so i got it i got it upgraded when i was in high school so it's a it's a king-sized bed oh but the but the room is star wars themed shut up yeah how many star wars posters do you currently have on your wall um two i think okay yeah but i changed the so the comforter was star wars i think the curtains are still star wars um but the comforter is no longer. I think the curtains are still Star Wars,

but the comforter is no longer Star Wars.

You're an NFL quarterback.

Have you said that to yourself as you tuck yourself in with your Star Wars jammies?

Yeah, I think I have.

That's unbelievable.

Do you have any sort of deli theme going on in your room as well?

No theme, but he sent me a – Thank you. That's unbelievable.
Do you have any sort of deli theme going on in your room as well?

No theme, but he sent me a montage of all of my touchdowns from the year.

So it's like a little highlight video,

and it's like in this little square box that you can plug in and charge.

So it's pretty sick, and he wrote a little note on the back of it. So it was pretty cool.
That was awesome. That's very cool.
So draft night came and went. It was a weird night for all of us because we didn't know what to expect with, you know, every player was in their own homes.
You know, all the pundits were spread across America. For you, were you planning on going to Vegas for the draft or were you planning on staying home all along? I was planning on going to Vegas um I kind of wanted to stay at home all along and kind of just have it with you know my close friends and family um but then I decided I shouldn't pass up a free trip to Vegas where I'm going to be the number one pick I think that would have been pretty fun yes yeah I would agree with that big time so what the how does it work now like you got drafted.
It's all so weird. You haven't even been to the facility, I assume, right? Nope, have not.
Yeah, I'm just sitting at home about two and a half hours away. So we had rookie mini camp last weekend, and then I think we start back up again May 11th or something like that for the virtual offseason.

But yeah, we're not doing anything right now.

That's crazy.

So you're just sitting there and it's like, I don't mean to laugh,

but it is kind of funny that you're the number one pick.

You're a millionaire, multimillionaire.

And it's like, but your life is no different than everyone else's right now.

Yeah.

I've got to ask my parents if I can go to the grocery store to pick some stuff up. You know, whatever I got.
It's like I'm in high school again. I'm quarantined in my house and I have to ask my parents to do everything.
I read some story about the chain that you were wearing on draft night. Can you talk me through what that chain was? So, after the the national championship game little boosie called me he said he was going to get me a chain um you know from for doing what we did and it it got to me at uh at super bowl um so that was pretty awesome it's a It's a pretty dope chain.
Did you look at the schedule at all yet?

I haven't, like, dissected it. Okay, let's do that.
Yeah, let's do that. Let's do it.
All right, let's do it. All right, you start the season at home against the Rams.
Or no, sorry, the Chargers. That's cool.
That's going to be a great uniform game. I'm excited for that.
Then week two, you're going to Cleveland. After the game, will you be giving back the Monopoly money to Odell? Maybe I should return the favor.
Yeah. Yeah.
Just be like, here you go, Odell. I've been holding on to this.
I'm just going to hand it back to you. Yeah, I finally have some money, so I can repay you now.
It was a loan all along. I'm trying along i'm trying to look what are the other notable you gotta go to philly week three you're gonna get booed maybe shit thrown at you just be ready for that on the road at the ravens that's gonna be tough you're gonna have all those fans wearing the weird purple black silver camouflage pants there uh against the colts philip rivers So that will be a late game fourth quarter, like really

tight game. That'll be fun to watch.

This is going to be a great...

You have a nice schedule to start off.

You play the Bengals...

The Bengals play the Titans the day after Halloween.

Might be a little bit of a hangover

there for that one.

Oh, you do have... You're making your Monday night debut

week 15 versus Pittsburgh.

That's awesome.

Yeah, hopefully we can be in the playoff race for the island.

That'll be fun, Monday night.

Nothing better than that.

Yes.

Have you practiced listening to Renegade,

that song that they play during night games in Pittsburgh,

to really get in your head?

I don't think I have yet.

I might have to go to sleep with that one on.

I think that would be a good idea.

Just get ahead of the game.

That's really the only – that's their secret weapon

is they play a song that they sing.

It's under people's skin, huh?

Are you mad at all, Joe, that Chaz Kyle, USC starting quarterback,

beat your record for most touchdown passes in a season?

You know, I think Coach Juggs started this season off pretty tough. So he's going to have to step it up.
I think the boosters are pretty mad right now. I have a day game against FSU.
We're going to run this tomorrow, so it's today now. But I'm just saying, Chaz Kyle, I think he had 65 touchdown passes.
He also had 43 picks. Oh, my.
But no risk it, no biscuit. How many times did he throw the ball? A lot.
A lot, a lot. He had a seven-pick game, too, so that kind of hurt the stats.
That's rough. That's real rough.
That sounds almost entirely coaching. Yes.
I don't know. Scheme, maybe a little.
It basically was the reverse of your semifinal game against Oklahoma. Oh, yeah.
How are you at video games if you're playing as a quarterback in Madden or in NCAA football? I'm much better at defense. Oh, he should be your defensive coordinator.
I'm pretty good at NCAA. Help me.
What do I do? What defense should I run? Free fire. The one with the Mike and Will blitzing every single time.
The Will comes free in the big gap every single time, and you just play man-to-man. Okay.
I like that. And you get back on every single play.
Just say, big guy, you got to dial something up. Yep.
I'm going to dial it up every single time. I like to do double safety blitz and just be like,

no, no, no, no.

Who cares?

No, free fire, six-man pressure.

The linebacker on the right side and the B gap comes through every time.

I'm telling you.

That was my secret.

Did anyone ever accuse you over the course of this year

of neglecting your B receiver?

I don't think I've ever been accused of neglecting that one, no.

Okay.

So you guys drafted, was it T. Higgins in the second round?

Yep.

Did you have to reach out to him and be like, hey,

sorry for beating your ass so bad?

There's been some occasional trash talk in the Zoom meetings,

mainly from the coaches.

You know, we're not quite to start that trash talk, but the coaches came out and said it. Okay.
They kind of opened it up for you guys. I like that.
I like that. Do you have a bunch of Bengals gear yet? I do, yeah.
They sent us a bunch. And, you know, we had some from a couple weeks before the draft,

just in case what we thought happened was going to happen.

Oh.

Yeah.

So they told you that they were going to pick you no matter what?

No, they didn't, but I kind of just expected it to happen.

Did you have any moment on draft day where you're like,

what if shit just goes crazy and I just fall the second round? That's the crazy thing. I fully expected and kind of knew that I was going number one, but that three and a half minutes that they were on the clock was the longest three minutes of my life.
And I knew I was going to get taken. I knew they were going to call me, but it was still super long.
And I texted my guys. I was like the longest three minutes of my life and i knew i was gonna get taken i knew they were gonna call me but it was still super long and i texted my guys i was like yo that's the longest three and a half minutes i can only i can't even imagine what you guys are about to go through like clyde who went 32 i was like bro how long did that feel he's like in eternity yeah yeah what was the phone call like when you finally got it know it was it was exciting you know it was probably would have been more exciting if you know i had no idea where i was going and um you know it was a big surprise but it was more along the lines of relief you know i'm glad this is over let's finally start to get back to football and instead of talking we can get back on the field hopefully soon when uh when the tiger king documentary came out were you immediately like oh shit everyone's gonna call me joe exotic from now on oh yeah kind of uh i actually haven't watched it yet um i'm i'm anti-animal cage, so I'm not going to watch it, I don't think.
Wait. What about Mike the Tiger? Let it slide, big cat.
Yeah, you know, Mike the Tiger is not my favorite part of campus. Oh, here comes the downfall of Joe Burrow's legacy in Baton Rouge.
I like this. They do treat Mike better than they treat most humans in the United States, I would say.
That's true. He gets a lot of love and care.
But I actually agree with you. I like that.
I see your point. And it's probably for the best that you don't watch the Tiger King then because that will be very, very upsetting.
Very sad, yeah. Yeah, very traumatic.
Yes, yes. You can't have that.
Do you know – I got to send you this clip. There's a guy who painted his house bangle stripes, and I think it goes that he's – no, there was a guy who was – He's living on the roof of his house.
He was living on the roof of his house, but there's also a guy who painted his house bangle stripes and was like, I'm not going to change gonna change this until like we go back to the playoffs

there was a guy who's not gonna stop living in the roof of his house until they won a game yeah do you know that you have like this fan base now where you're gonna have to deal with like two or three random bets a year where the person's like i'm gonna do this until joe burrow does this Was that the Bengals team that the dude, like,

he was sleeping at the bar or something? Yeah, he was sleeping on the house and not coming down. That was the Bengals? Yes.
That's a tough situation. Hopefully we can get him down.
Well, he's down. No, he's down.
they want a game. Oh, want a game, not playoffs.
But I think now that he's gotten that buzz, if you don't deliver, you're going to get more and more of these people being like, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that. More hostage situations? Yeah.
I'm going to adopt six baby Tigers if Joe Burrow doesn't win six games this year. Yeah, and my backyard's not that big.
Yeah. Yeah, it's tough.
That's real tough. What's your haircut situation been like? Because that's one thing that has pissed me and Big Cat off about you is that you always look cool with that little swoop in your hair.
Oh, yeah, how great my little curl is up there. You got the Clark Kent curl, which it's annoying because a lot of us can't do that with our hair.

What's your haircut situation been like in the quarantine?

So I was living in California for a couple months right after the season.

And so I got one right before everything shut down, and I haven't got one since.

So that was back in early March.

So it's been a while. Yeah, you you're gonna look like a hippie yeah my dad wild my dad is not happy yeah my dad my dad is not a fan of the long hair has he suggested that maybe he could cut your hair or get your mom to cut your hair no no he doesn't suggest that but he's he's trying to get me to go to his guy here in Athens, Ohio.
I don't know about that one. I had one last question.
I went to your Twitter, and you retweeted yourself getting buckets in high school. Oh, yeah.
He looked a little slow, not to say anything mean, but how many buckets did you actually get? You actually do have a sick shot, which isn't really. Wait, did you dunk? No, you didn't dunk.
Yeah, I didn't dunk in that video, but I could dunk, yeah. Okay.
Yeah, you didn't dunk in this video, but you did get buckets. How good of a basketball player were you when you played in high school? I had a few offers coming out.
Yeah, not a lot of. I mean, I was playing football and everyone knew it, but my freshman and sophomore year I was getting lightly recruited to play basketball.
And for a while I thought I was going to go to a smaller school and play both. I think that would have been a lot of fun.
Yeah, that would have been sick. Do you have anything to say about Urban Meyer because he he went on colin coward show and uh coward confronted him with the fact that he didn't recruit you to play at ohio state do you think that urban meyer made a mistake in not recruiting you to play oh man um yeah people are funny people like to uh not do all the research that they can on some subjects before they talk about it not us we just go through your twitter timeline yep i just looked at it right there there you go yeah it's perfect um well this has been fun thank you for joining us as always uh good luck on i don't know what even you say like what's the next step so you have your virtualicamp.
What is virtual minicamp? It's basically just installs.

So we went through day one install for three days over Zoom.

And then it's just installing a playbook starting May 11th again.

Super weird.

So day one install but three days? Yeah. You guys sound slow.
Yeah. You know, we spread it out a little bit so we got all the information in.
We got plenty of time to do all the Zoom meetings, so we made sure we got all the information in. Do they send you, like, virtual reality goggles so you can take, you know, 3D reps? No, that'd be sick.
That'd be sick. They should do that.
You should just watch Coach Doug's and I'll teach you a thing or two about football. You know, I watched about 15 minutes of it last night.
Oh. And so you had the ball down six with like three minutes left.
Yeah, I panicked. And you threw a post into a cover one safety.
Yeah, I panicked. Yeah.
Well, in my defense, everyone was calling my starting running back, Ricky Squeaks, Ricky Buttcheeks, and that got my head. Oh, and I saw the video of the last play, and you choked on that one that one too which one was that oh yeah when i choked and i was like i'm just gonna run for it and i was yeah everyone was open you had you had the running back on the wheel out of the backfield wide open and then you had y on the shallow cross wide open on the scramble drill and you decided to take a sack and throw the ball into the dirt all right well i'm gonna go 2- to go 2-0 tomorrow.
So maybe you tune into that one, okay?

I'm going to go 2-0 tomorrow. Do you have a photographic memory? Something like that, yeah.
It was something if you know how to play football like Joe does, it was something you'll never forget because it was that bad. So do you want to know the secret to NCAA football 14? Yes.
So free fire on defense

and then call four verticals every single play. And if the corners are playing off, just change it audible to a stop and you get completion every single time.
Okay. So I agree with you, four verticals every time.
But then you have to factor in the fact that if I run the same play multiple times, I have the entire Twitch chat stream calling me a fraud, calling me Dinkin' Duggs, just a lot of names, and it gets in my head. And then I'm like, fuck it, I'll do something different.
And then I throw a pick. See? You might not be cut out to be a head coach then.
Fuck. All right.
Coordinator for life. This interview's over.
This interview's over. No, it's true.
I mean, he's doing a good job questioning. You don't get these questions in Lubbock.
You get the softballs from the media. This interview's over.
Yeah, they just lob them up to you and you knock them out of the park. This interview's over.
I'm going to go take the Ohio State job and cut you. Joe, I'm not going to ask you.
Well, you're not going to get the Ohio State job if you're going 6-6 over there in Lubbock. Fine.
Depends how bad the sanctions are. Fine.
But maybe. I'm not going to ask you Well you're not going to get the Ohio State job If you're going 6-6 over there in Lubbock Depends how bad the sanctions are I'm not going to ask you To incriminate yourself Or LSU Like we may or may not have done After the national championship victory But I heard that you had a run in with Carl Malone After the game What was that about? So it wasn't after the game.
So it was our last Friday walkthrough. And the last thing we do before we walk off the field, we do these jump balls.
You know, they play the high school basketball. They play that little boxing ring tape, and the crowd starts going crazy, and they play jump around and all that.

So we get in a little circle and it's something somebody knew every week. And before the national championship game,

it was Drew Brees and Carl Malone doing the jump ball.

And when it got jumped,

five people jumped on Carl Malone's back to let Drew Brees get the jump ball

and everyone started going crazy.

It was funny.

That is crazy.

He looked like Santa Claus that night. He had that huge beard.
He's just a beast of a man. Nobody recognized him.
We just saw this tall, super tall human with a giant rural Louisiana beard. Then they called out Carl Malone to get in the middle of the like, oh, that's him.
That's him. Duck Dynasty.
All right. Well, Joe, thank you so much.
Tune in tomorrow. Doug's redemption.
I'm going to fucking dominate. So don't you worry.
Yeah, we'll see. All right.
Thanks, man. Thanks, man.
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And now, Mike Posner.

And now for something completely different.

Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest.

He is a musician, recording artist, also a man who just completed a trip that we have to get into.

It is Mike Posner. Mike, thank you for joining us.

Posner!

Posner.

You said it wrong.

Posner. I wrote it down, too.
I actually wrote it down. Mike Posner.
P-O-H-Z-N-E-R. And I still fucked it up.
Posner. And I still.
You know when you do that? When you say something over and over in your head, and then you just fumble right at the goal line. Because you're like, all right, I knew it, but then I fucked it up.
It's all good. I'm just giving you a hard time.
It doesn't bother me at all. So what's up, man? Thanks so what's up man thanks for having me on yeah it's good to have you on let's start with the trip because uh you walked across the country i did yeah why well uh the the real answer is i i just wanted to be somebody i was i was actually proud of i wanted to become somebody I was I was actually proud of and uh so a lot of people say oh you did that for a cause or something not really I I wanted to do it I wanted to be look back on myself and and be proud of myself and uh and I feel that now when I think about the journey I remember doing it I don't don't think about it every day.
But when somebody asked me about something, I fucking did that. And so it gives me a lot of confidence in my life because it's really hard.
It's horrible. My body felt horrible.
But I did it anyways. And so it gives me a lot of confidence and fulfillment and pride going forward in my life, knowing that I did that really hard thing that I wasn't sure I could do.
And so it changed my life in more ways I can say, but that's, I hope I answer your question. No, it definitely answered my question.
I had one follow-up though with it. It sounds crazy and i'd love to learn about the logistics was there a part of you though that was a little disappointed that you didn't get like the publicity for it until you almost died i got some publicity before i would be on the news and stuff sometimes but uh yeah that was really interesting you know it's like man you get all these followers all these people want you to do guest appearance on their show and stuff like all you had to do was almost die i literally made that that same joke to my manager stuff so that's when i found out you want to say yeah that was jay almost died and i was like oh shit he's walking across country and credit to you i learned that baby snakes are actually more dangerous than grown adult snakes.
That's right. That's right.
I think it was Jay-Z said controversy sells, but it ain't like death. Uh-huh.
Baby snakes, they don't know well enough to not use all their venom on you, right? So they just shoot you the fuck up. They literally don't know when to stop coming.
So they just do it all in you. Yeah.

It's a full load. Pull out game week for those baby rattlesnakes.

When you got bit by a state.

They give you the full load.

Yeah.

They give you the whole load.

Were you like, oh, this is bad?

Did you know right away, like, this is going to be bad?

No.

The thing bit me.

I knew right away I got bit by something.

And so this is all happening real fast. But just in slow motion, it's like I got bit by something.
This is all happening real fast, but just in slow motion. I got bit on my ankle.
I felt this pain, and I had the thought, I wonder what that was. Right after I had that thought, I heard the rattle.
I was couple guys. I said, I just got bit by a rattlesnake.
And, you know, it hurt, but it didn't hurt that bad, the actual bite. So I'm just sitting there, and I'm in the middle of nowhere at the time.
We look at our phone, no service. So one of the guys I'm with, he runs a little bit.
He gets a bar, and he calls 911. And the lady's like, yeah, I send an ambulance from the town you came from and the town you're headed towards.
So there's two ambulances coming towards you and a helicopter, whatever gets there first, get in it. And I'm sitting there, you know, I'm kind of joking around the guys around me a little bit nervous.

And I'll try to keep the mood light.

And it doesn't hurt that bad, but then about five, ten minutes passed and the poison started to go through my body, I guess, went to my brain. It just felt like, you remember Looney Tunes? Where they get smaller like this.
That's all, folks. It felt like that it was just darkness getting closing in and uh and i just felt like i was fading now and it kind of happened like that and i'd snap out of it almost like i wake up and then i realized like you know this ain't a fucking beast thing and you know like you get you could maybe die today and uh i asked the lady on the 911 day i I going to die? She said, I don't know.
I can't tell you that, sir. So I just waited.
An ambulance came. They took me to the hospital, basically gave me all the antivenin they had.
And then I used it all up. So they put me in a chopper to another hospital where they have more of that medicine that medicine.
And, uh, I thought, you know, you get that antivin and I thought I'd be back walking the next day, but it was a much bigger deal than that. My, my legs swole up, you know, super big.
And I couldn't, I couldn't even get to the walk to the bathroom. You know, I was walking 24 miles a day at that point.
I couldn't walk to the bathroom. They gave me a walker and stuff.
I was in the hospital five days. Then I went home to Michigan and healed about another two weeks, just did all the PT.
It got to the point where I was walking like eight miles at home. I said, all right, it's time to go back out there.
That was actually the hardest part. People say, oh, that must have been the hardest part.
You got bit by a snake. That was the easiest part because I was in the trenches.
It was August. It's hot as fuck.
I'm out there sweating every day, all alone, hard to sleep at night because it's so hot. Then I get bit by a snake.
I'm in the air conditioning. There's nurses around.
It's like I have a nice bed. That was easy.
What was hard was when I got better and I'm at home and everyone's fucking spoiling me.

Like you said, I'm all of a sudden Mr. Popular because I almost died.

And I got to I got to come to grips with myself and say, hey, motherfucker, you're better.

You know, it's time to stop letting letting people cook dinner for you. You got to go back out there and finish what you started.
That to me is the only real point of this story is that I got my ass back on a plane, flew to Colorado. I'm sitting there flying over these states looking like I walked this whole fucking way.
I walked longer in this flight. And so then I get off the plane, almost like I'm going to a way game, man.
I got a hoodie on, I got off that plane and I go back to the same spot that that fucker bit me. And I walked a thousand more miles to finish my journey.
So that's kind of fucked up that the dispatcher didn't tell you you're going to live. Like what's the harm in telling you you're going to live even if you end up dying? I actually disagree with you, man.
Like if you don't know, I think if someone's, if I'm going to die, I want to know the truth. You know, most people do not die from snake bites in America.
We have the medicine and the infrastructure to get people to the medicine. But occasionally they do if they're in a really remote place, like I sort of was, you know, but if you're up way high on a mountain, you're six miles into a hike, you know, you get bit by one of those things and you don't have service, like you're fucked, man.
So this may be a fucked up question, but let's just say you did die and you got buried in Detroit.

How many how much would that song blow up and like make your family money after the fact?

Like you have to at least think about that.

You've given your family a really nice going away present to be buried in Detroit.

And everyone's like, oh, dude, the song buried in Detroit is awesome.

Yeah. Yeah.
I don't know how big it would get in my death you know but um that would have been a great time to fake your own death yeah I haven't had a good fake death for a while just like pull the wool over America's eyes for two weeks get to the top of the iTunes charts and then be like hey I'm back thanks for the money yeah but then be so mad. Your career would be over after that.
Yeah, maybe. Did the thought occur to you? Maybe we should do the thing where we just suck on the wound and spit the blood out because that works all the time.
Yeah, we asked all about that. You're not supposed to do that.
It's like an old thing. But the thing is they don't have that much research on snake bites because you can you know get a bunch of people bit by snakes and treat them all different ways it's a pretty rare thing i think 8 000 a year in the u.s so they don't some they know anti-venom works beyond that you know some people say they used to say try a tourniquet so the venom doesn't get up.
Now they say don't do that because the poison just sits in wherever you got

bit and you get necrosis.

So they don't have a lot of,

a lot of research on what exactly do beyond the anti-venom works,

you know,

get that,

get,

get it as fast as possible.

So when you're on the road,

when you're,

when you're doing this walk across America,

you said you're walking 24 miles a day.

That seems like a lot. Were you writing songs at the time? Did it help you creatively? You know, I expected I was going to be writing a ton, and I actually didn't write much at all.
Maybe a few ideas here and there, not even full songs, just melodies and stuff. Sometimes I'd just be struck, it may sound corny, but how beautiful the birds and everything would sound around me.
And I would just record that with my phone. So I have all these recordings, like voice notes of like Delaware, not Delaware, I didn't walk in Delaware, Pennsylvania, Missouri was a crazy one, Kansas, Colorado, et cetera.
And I use these in my songs sometimes. Sometimes it's inaudible.
I'm talking about the songs I'm making now. I'm making songs right now all the time.
But sometimes I put them in there, and sometimes I just turn it down all the way you can't even hear it, but just the is in there so i'm curious your career is fascinating to me because you had obviously the rise and then it feels like you've had uh moments where you've been very open about the trappings of fame and resisting that what at what point were you like go from i'm grinding i'm grinding i'm grinding i want to hit to realizing, oh man, maybe this isn't everything that I want. I think probably after, probably after first hit, you know, I thought, I really thought I would feel more secure with myself having attained the success I wanted in my life.
You know, I was always like, had my heroes that had platinum plaques and stuff. And I thought once I get that, I'll feel better about myself because I'll be proud of it.
And what I noticed was, you know, I was making more money, more popular, I was having more sex. But my experience of life really, really was exactly the same.
It wasn't worse. It wasn't better.
It was just the same. And I thought in my head, in my dream, that I would get this success, this popularity, and I would be happier.
I'd be more secure as a human. I just wasn't, you know.
And so there was a large amount of disillusionment that went along with that. And ever since then, I feel like I've had the privilege to be able to ask, OK, if not that, then what? What are we doing here? What am I doing here? And that's what my life has been about really the past eight years.
I feel like my fans have gifted me the opportunity to go explore and ask those questions. And I just report back what I learned.
Yeah. So your rise was kind of interesting you, before you got there, when you were down at Duke, you figured out a way to game the iTunes system before anybody else really did the way that your, your mixtape popped up on iTunes.
You, can you explain kind of how you were able to do that? Yeah. You did a deep dive.
Where are you from, man? Uh, I'm from the East coast. So I went to school in Virginia.
And I remember when you were coming up because like- How old are you? I'm 35. Okay.
So iTunes U was just- And where'd you go to school? It was just lectures. I went to James Madison.
So basically iTunes at the time had created this section of iTunes called iTunes U that was designed for professors to put their lectures up for free. So, you know, maybe a professor from your school, James Madison, they do a course, a lecture on whatever macroeconomics.
I'm at Duke. I can pull it up and watch it and learn.
That's what it was designed for. Well, so each school had somebody that was in charge of their iTunes U.
And at Duke, it was a guy named Todd Stabley. And so I hit him up.
And Todd Stabley, he happened to be from Southfield, Michigan, which is where I'm from. It was a huge catalyst for people hearing my music.
So Todd Stabley, he put my mixtape A Matter of Time on there. And I just would send the links to all my homies.
I was in fraternity at the time. All my brothers, they sent the links out to their friends that were at different schools.
I sent the link to the iTunes link to all my friends that I went to high school with that were at other schools. And before I knew it, I was sort of like the underground king of every college in America.
Like not super famous, but I could, you know, I spent the next year or two playing damn near every college in America. And, well, people would know the words to that mixtape and just spread like that.
The song Took a Pill in Ibiza. What pill was it? I honestly don't know.
So the story with that is I had that first hit. It was my song Cooler Than Me that I recorded at Duke.
It became this big hit all over the world. I'm going all over the place.
I thought it was never never going to end. I thought because it was my first single, I thought, oh, that's just what happens when I put out singles.
They're fucking gigantic, you know. And each song I put out after that was kind of like a little bit smaller.
And then eventually my career just kind of ground to a halt, man. My record label shelved me.
So I was still making all these albums, but they wouldn't put them out because they just didn't, you know, my everything was trending downward and they couldn't justify spending the marketing money and paying all the producers when they didn't think they would get a return.

And so, you know, there's still a huge hole in my career.

If you go on my discography, my first album's 2010 and my second one's 2016.

There's a huge hole in there, but I made two albums,

but they're just sitting on my fucking laptop.

I haven't been able to release them.

Release them?

I don't own them. That label owns them know release them on the podcast right now yeah that's a good way to get sued or your podcast at least gonna get taken are there any are there any like certified like you know there's a hit on there that's just sitting there no there were hits there were the song boyfriend that i end up selling to Justin Bieber wasaver was on there okay okay that's a hit yeah and then the song sugar that i end up selling the maroon five because they're on different labels they were on there so yeah yes there were there were definitely hits yeah but anyways so i'm just kind of sitting there like, look, you see what's happening, right? Like these songs are dope.
But at the same time, it's a business. I understand it.
Anyways, my career is as I'm ice cold. I'm ice cold, man.
I'm sitting in my house. I made a few million bucks and my schedule's empty.

And I'm just sitting there like, what the fuck do I do now? What the fuck do I do now? And I just realized, man, I still love making music. I still do to this day.
I wish you could see all my gear set up. I got my microphone.
I just record the same way on this computer as I did at Duke. I just love this shit.
but Avicii, Tim is one of the things I really

loved about him is he didn't give a fuck where you were on the charts. If he liked your music, he liked your music.
He wanted to work with you. So he actually sent me levels.
You guys know levels, right? He sent me levels years before that when Cooler to Me was out. It was just the instrumental.
It didn't have the sample yet. And he said, you know, he wanted me to write a song to it.
I wrote a few songs to it. They weren't that good, honestly.
I didn't knock it out of the park. So he didn't use them.
And he ended up putting that, whoa, sometimes I get a good feeling. Anyway, so that's how our relationship started.
But now Mike's cold. but he didn't care.
So he said, man, I want to work with you for my next album. Come to Stockholm.
So I flew over to Sweden. And like I said, I had nothing else to do, man.
So I was like, you know, we had, I think, two, three days in the studio. I was like, I'm not flying all the way there for just two, three days.
hang around like explore sweden a little bit and i knew he had some shows coming up in abiza so in the back of my head i'm like yo he'll probably let me come to the show as you know if i ask you so in the studio i'm like yo can i roll to the to the show in abiza next one he was like yeah yeah for sure man just meet us. We'll take care of you.
So I went down there like the day before. I was just alone, man.
It was like the most depressing. Like, you don't go to Vegas alone.
Right. You know? It's like you don't go to Ibiza alone.
I went to Ibiza alone. I'm sitting there.
Everybody's having fun with all their friends. It was very depressing, man.
And he gets there the next day, he has his big gig. And he started playing and there's a million people there.
And, and he played this song that we wrote a few days before in the studios called Stay With You. It never came out officially, but you can, bootlegs online if anyone cares.
I was real jealous, man. It was when I still drank.
I haven't drank for seven years. I stopped drinking about seven, eight years ago.
At that time, I was still drinking. I was drunk.
I look up there and I was just so sad. They're playing my song.
Tim was up there killing it. I just wanted to be up there, man.
And it was over for me. Like my chance, that's the line.
Like I'm just a singer who already blew a shot. Like that was my real life, man.
You know, people think it's, you know, becoming this song that people have joy to and that's great. But this shit was really real for me at that time and um it's not a good feeling and so i just kind of walked like wandering around the audience man like with my hymn playing my song and and then these guys came up to me and they say you mike pos Posner.
Yeah, exactly. And in this sort of perverted way, I felt better that like somebody recognized me, which I'm not even proud to say, but that's how I felt.
And like I said, I was already drunk and they had this plastic bag and they were like, man, you want one of these? I was like, yeah, fuck it. And I took just, I just took it.
I didn't even know what it was. And I felt high.
And then the next day I felt like death. That's why I just want to say when I finally got sober, felt 10 years older.
And that's really the story was it was a very stupid thing to do in hindsight you know just like be drunk and then take some drugs from a stranger you know but uh that's what i did and and that was really the despair from which i wrote that so i didn't write this song for another i think two two three years after that after that when I sort of had some context in my life about what that meant. And I just thought it was interesting.
Everybody wants to talk about how their rise to fame, how to kill. They either, you know, 90% of the songs, I either talk about how the person's blowing up or how they're blowing up and they're fucking killing it right now and i wasn't man i was on the other side i had blown up was killing it and now i wasn't killing it anymore and that was really interesting to me i thought i would write a song about that and so um i did when that comes out and it's like a song of the summer so to speak is that a really cool feeling when you go around And you see people are like This is what's making people happy They're partying to this They're having a great time Because there's something about summertime music That just hits different than all other music And it's something special Yeah, it's always cool, man You know, I was playing career where I have had, I think, five or six platinum songs.
Really, two of them have been mine, and then I've written, like we talked about some for other people. It's always cool.
And I'm a writer, man. Like Jay-Z said, I'm not a biter.

I'm a writer for myself and others.

And so, you know, in the last two weeks, I've written like 20 songs.

So you never know which one. like Jay-Z said I don't want to bite her I'm a writer for myself and others and so you know in

the last two weeks I've written like 20 songs so you never know which one's going to be popular

you know and it's just it's just interesting it's a blessing it's cool it's like less than

one percent of the songs I write are hits like that and you just it's you just be happy for it

you know um it's interesting because sometimes you're like really that one that's the one that's

I'm sorry. hits like that and you just it's you just be happy for it you know um it's interesting because sometimes you're like really that one that's the one that's gonna get popular okay okay you know but um yeah it was it's really cool you know for for for me to take my despair my sadness at that time like i just talked to you about and create what i think is something beautiful out of.
That's what art is supposed to be. And then if somebody can get joy out of my despair, I really did my job.
That's the holy grail of an artist. You know, like my friend NQ, the poet, says, yeah, that's alchemy.
You're turning suffering into happiness. I turn my suffering into someone else's happiness.
That's a beautiful thing. Yeah, I'm proud of it.
It's great. Yeah.
When you were growing up, were you a pretty good basketball player? No, I wish, man. You had a good AAU team though, right? Me? Yeah, weren't you on a good AAU team? No, I wish, man.
I wish. I didn't play AAU.
I played up to JV. I was very short.
I didn't grow until I was like 18, really 19. And, man, basketball was a big fucking deal where I grew up, you know? Like it was like social capital, you know? It didn't really matter as much if you were like good looking.
It more matters. Like you could hoop, like you were cool, you know? And so I loved basketball.
You know, I used to sleep with my boss if I was not very good though. So you get to Duke and at the time that you're at Duke, the team's pretty good.
Obviously Duke basketball is a major thing. Were you running in the same circles as a basketball team as like the only cool like 10 people on campus uh well they kind of helped me help me start my career you know so I went to the I went to school with uh like Nolan Smith John John Shire Kyle Singler Kyle Singler Gerald Henderson uh those guys are all kind.
And they were they were so supportive of me, man. I was just I was just a short little Jewish kid, you know, make shit in my dorm room.
I don't consider myself a cool person. I wasn't then I just like, I like doing my doing my art, man.
And I started to put the stuff out. People always ask, like, you know, was it crazy for you on campus? People look at you like a star.
No, because I went to school there three years at this point. And the kids there started my whole career, including the basketball team.
So it was through them. They shared the music with their other friends.
And I go to other schools and kind of, I guess my reputation got bigger than myself. And so it would kind of be that vibe when I go someplace else.
But at Duke, everybody already knew me two, three years. And it was just a really beautiful time.
I signed a record deal after my junior year, came back from my senior year, I just kind of had two lives. I go to school during the week and then on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, I get on planes.
I hit usually three different colleges playing at first frat parties. And then as my career progressed, like the schools themselves book me and I was tour managing myself.
I did everything. The whole show is myself i dj for myself and i come back to school and do it again man i found an old rolling stones article you did 10 years ago oh shit 25 uh things you don't know about mike uh that's why i wanted to bring it up That's why I want to bring it up because I want to see what changed.
So we're just going to go rapid fire. I mean, a couple of these haven't changed.
You still have two middle names, I assume. So we'll just go rapid fire.
I want to hear what has changed. You said, I'm scared of dogs that bark loudly.
Yeah, I had to get over that shit on the walk, though, dogs chasing me and stuff you know okay I was carrying dog spray and I had to fucking dogs a couple of them what's what goes into dog spray it's just air right yeah there's the air that you can blow and dogs are like oh never mind no I don't know I think it's more than air you know okay okay um superman is whack do you still think superman's whack uh i don't think i have such a strong opinion on the matter anymore but uh i know where i was coming from like as far as superheroes he kind of just had every power so it's kind of like lame to me yeah that's fair uh you said I do not own a television yeah that's still true well there's one i'm renting this place and there's a tv here but i don't watch tv i never have since um since i left my parents house wow yeah i just missed a lot of like culture what do you i mean i watch some stuff on my computer and stuff but i make music you know i make music you know so i figure if i get a tv i'm gonna use the fucking tv if i get it and i don't i don't want to i like i want to make more music i don't want to watch more tv you know it's not a goal of mine okay here's another one my favorite animal is the white tiger is that still true? Yeah Okay, that's good It says, I do not carry a cell phone Do you still not have a cell phone? No, I have a cell phone Alright, that's a good change Too much I wish I didn't, I need to get rid of that thing Good lord Your favorite movie, is it still Donnie Darko? Nah, probably not that's a big college movie yeah yeah I used to have Donnie Darko I was like the when I thought I was cool when I got my record I bought a Donnie Darko chain and it had like ice in it I got it made it was kind of hard but I don't know what my favorite movie is now man okay last one i have is uh you said i only wear black socks i wear some white socks now man all right yeah so you're evolving as a human yeah for sure for sure uh my last one is that you have a big crush on Natalie Portman. Is that true no i did then yes she's a grown woman she's married now i think i had some kids okay you got let that one go yeah let that one go nice nice um well this has been awesome man we really appreciate you joining us thank you guys so much thanks man stay safe appreciate it mike.
Appreciate it, Mike. You too, man.
Take care of yourself. See ya.
Hockey is on. And no matter the city, no matter the team, no matter the game, whether it's face-off or penalty shots, regular season or playoffs, win or lose, no matter what happens no matter where it happens new amsterdam vodka is there okay let's uh finish up with our mount flush more by the way we are going to get back to documentary reviews next week let's just say this right now so that we don't miss it we're going to do ronnie coleman the king so you can watch it on youtube google play netflix amazon prime ronnie coleman if you don't know ronnie coleman he's a legend of the game lightweight ain't nothing but a peanut he was uh a i think mr olympia whatever that thing is basically the strongest guy ever was that what mr was it a strongman competition is he a bodybuilder it's a he's a bodybuilder so uh all-time hilarious guy youtube or he was a youtube like phenom back in the day and i think he had some health health issues so it's kind of a serious retrospective thing but i think there'll'll be also some funny moments and things.
Yeah, Mr. Olympia, eight times.
The McDonald's guy? No, Ronnie Coleman. What? He like ate McDonald's every day or something? I don't know if he ate.
He's the guy who says, lightweight. Everyone wants to be a weightlifter, but nobody wants to lift that heavy-ass weight.
I guess I'll find out if that's who I'm talking about when I watch a documentary. So watch it next Friday.
We're giving you a full week. Watch it on Netflix.
Ronnie Coleman, the king. All right.
Let's finish up with Mount Flushmore. Also a note, we have an awesome interview coming Monday after The Last Dance.
We have Tim Grover, who I think is featured heavily in episodes seven and eight. It is Michael Jordan's trainer, longtime trainer for like 15 plus years.
So we have an awesome interview coming with him on Monday. Get ready for that.
Mount Flushmore of injuries. No, minor injuries.
Minor injuries. So obviously decapitation would be on the Mount Flushmore of injuries.
But we're talking like minor inconveniences here. The worst minor injuries.
Yeah. All right.
Am I going first? And then Hank? You're going first and then Hank. All right, I'll just go with the basic bitch answer,

but it does suck beyond belief.

Stubbing your toe.

Okay.

Stubbing your toe is the fucking worst.

There's just nothing worse than you,

and you know that two seconds where you stub your toe

and you haven't gotten the pain yet,

and you're like, this is going to be bad.

It's coming.

And then it happens.

The follow-up injury to stubbing your toe, which almost makes it worse, is you have to bend over and take a look at your toe later. And that sucks.
Yeah. And you walk with a little limp.
And it's also not something anyone can... When you stub your toe, no one's like, oh, man, I'm so sorry.
They're like, you're an idiot. You don't know how to walk.
Or if you stub your toe so bad that your nail starts to fall off. That might be major.
That might be major that yeah once there's not really there's nothing you can do but you can go to the doctor and they're gonna be like there's nothing i can do so that means it's not major it's just like oh just wait three weeks and watch your toe turn purple and then the nail is gonna fall off and it's gonna look like a disgusting like baby for and then another three weeks till it comes back all right just anything with nails in general just creep me out yes uh dropping your phone on your face does that happen often no but i mean it's all it's if whenever it does happen it's like the most embarrassing thing because you're usually super super lazy and you're just lying and your phone's directly above you and it like will either hurt your tooth or like hurt your nose where you're hitting the nose you want to cry and you're just like i'm a the laziest piece of shit and i'm clumsy and so it's bad that's a combination of not only is your face hurt but your pride's hurt right because it's like the dumbest way to hurt yourself exactly triggered another one in my mind i have i could go like 10 10 rounds deep in this uh all right 50 or two okay uh getting the wind knocked out of you okay it's awful it's just a terrible feeling and there's nothing you do to fix it. You just have to wait and look like an idiot and breathe deeply.
It doesn't even... Go into the fart stance.
It doesn't even really hurt that much. It's just like everyone looks at you and you're like, oh, is that guy dying? No, I just got hit.
Can't breathe. I accidentally didn't catch a basketball that was passed to me.
The second one is the jam finger. It is the cousin of the stubbed toe.
If you're playing're playing a sport you jam your finger you can't use that hand for the next probably 15 minutes yes at 100 it's just annoying it's one of those where you look at it and you're like this is going to suck because it's going to swell up it's going to turn purple it's going to look weird and it's all because i didn't know how to catch something i uh the jam finger is really bad and then even even going deeper into the jam finger uh the 16 inch inch softball jam finger is especially bad so in chicago and i think milwaukee to 16 inch softball no gloves and it's if you get like guys will literally have fingers that are just look like uh isaac bruce yeah yeah just mangled everywhere because they played softball burning your hand with oil while you're cooking or like bacon like bacon grease or whatever where it just pops out of the pan and lands on your hand and it just like when you shower running underwater it burns really bad if you had a lodge cookware cast iron that wouldn't be a problem for you hank lodge cookware the number one brand and cast iron cookware good one hank uh i can't believe this one actually is a cast iron those are just big it's just like 300 pounds big ass yeah yeah it's something that your grandmother gives you and she's like you can use this pan for 100 years it's the thing you burn your hands on because you try to grab it and you don't realize that the whole thing is a pan yep sucks um i don't have one but the cool part about cast iron the way to clean it is you boil water on it and it's cool to watch yeah you don't put soap on it yeah it's very cool but then you also have to like rub oil on it afterwards and then get it hot it's a lot of maintenance yeah once you turn 30 you start baking bread and seasoning your cast iron pans it gets weird um all right i can't believe this one lasted, but the nut shot. Getting hit in the nuts is, I mean, it's the worst.
There's no worse feeling than the minor injury of getting hit in the nuts. And then.
Even worse kind of is when, like, getting hit in the nuts is getting hit in the nuts. It's worse when you get, like, slightly tapped in the nuts, and then you know it's going to set in, like, 25 seconds later.
It's the same as a stubbed toe, yeah, where you're like, all right, this is fine, this is fine, oh, it's not fine. And then you'll have that, you know when you get hit in the nuts, you're fine, but you have that uncomfortable feeling in your nuts for like probably eight hours where you go to pee and you're like, am I going to pee blood? You're never peeing blood, but it always sucks.
Yeah, it's also one of those injuries where when it happens, you've got everybody that witnessed it laughing at you. Yeah.
So it's even worse. It's like I'm in an excruciating amount of pain.
Everyone knows it, but it's still really fucking funny. Yes, yes.
All right, my third pick is going to be hungover knees. When you get a really bad hangover and your knees are achy and your legs are achy and that like achy that you get in your body from a hangover to me that's the neck okay so yeah i guess over neck i'll say hangover aches so it's everywhere okay whatever your body has that is like specific to a hangover that injury sucks i've heard ankles i've heard knees i've heard you know necks arms whatever just your body yo, dude, you fucked up real bad.

You drank too much, and now we're going to punish you.

Do you think it's because you exert yourself a little bit more when you're drunk,

or is it because you sleep funny?

I always thought that I slept funny at night.

That's why my neck felt weird in the morning.

I think the knees I get just from, it's probably just lack of fluids,

but there is something to be said about waking up and having a very specific injury and knowing that it was something you did that describes my broken foot yeah uh i will go with when you're taking a shit and your legs fall asleep and you go to stand up and then you fall over yep pretty bad yep yep it's also it's right up there with the pride like it's it's one thing it hurts but you're also like lying on the floor with your pants down and you're just like, well, how did I get here? That's pretty bad It's also right up there with the pride It's one thing, it hurts But you're also lying on the floor with your pants down And you're just like, how did I get here? That's how you know it was a good shit though If your legs fall asleep, both of them Or you just got really bored on your phone Alright, Pifty, your last two Okay, my last two, I definitely had Hitting the balls on there I'm gonna go skin knee You skin your knee. You're playing a sport.
You get that little rug burn on it. And then every single time you go into the shower for the next probably two weeks, that shit burns.
And it never heals. Skin knees and elbows never heal.
And then my last one is going to be, I'm going to go with a paper cut. A paper cut on your hand.
You forget about a paper cut on your hand, too. It hurts when it initially happens, but then you go out, you eat buffalo wings and all of a sudden, you always do after paper cuts.
It feels weird. No, it could be two days later.
It feels just as bad as a second that you cut it. Yep.
Yep. I agree.
I will go with a elbow to the nose. It's kind of basketball specific, but it's, it happens, you know, just in the course of the game, but you just get hit in the nose.
You want to cry, and then you have to deal with the fact that you're crying and you're hurt, but you have to just keep running on the floor. Good time to remind people that people don't believe me, but I've never had a bloody nose in my entire life.
And I've been hit hard. Not a drug guy.
Never had a bloody nose. I just don't think my nose can bleed.
You want to find out? I've been hit very hard in the nose. What was the hardest you ever got hit? I've been hit elbowed in the nose playing basketball like as hard as you can get elbowed in the nose.
Have you ever noticed that when LeBron James gets hit in his nose, he blinks a lot? He gets into like turbo blink mode. All right, my last pick.
This is actually the one that I thought of, Hank, when you said the phone to the face. The misjudging of a beer bottle to your teeth and being like oh my god i just shattered all of my teeth and you don't usually shatter you don't shatter your teeth but that feeling of holy fuck there go my entire grill and that happens probably once a year we just kind of you just misjudge it just getting hit in the mouth with anything is bad.
Oh, the teeth is just so sensitive.

You're like, fuck, man.

You see this little circle scar right here on my chin?

I got that from not catching a beer can, a full beer can.

That will happen.

Cut me with a perfect circle.

The teeth thing is also the fear of how long it's going to take to get it better.

You know, when you have an injury and it's not even the hurt, it's more like, well, now I'm going to have to go to the dentist. Like that's way worse than actually losing a tooth.
And your initial thought is, I don't even know if my shitty dental insurance covers getting hit in the teeth. Yeah, or like I've lived in New York for four years now and I've never been to a dentist.
That kind of thing. Yeah, my dentist, not only in addition to fixing my fucked up mouth, is going to judge me for not flossing three times back.
Yeah. All right.
Missed the cut. I had water in the ear or ears not being able to pop after an airplane.
Very tough. Very shitty.
Water in the ear. It's not really an injury, though.
Oh, yeah. Kind of is.
Yeah. No.
Swimmers are. I mean, dropping a phone on your face, isn't it? These that's an injury water is an injury why is watering you're not an injury because it is uh-huh yeah yeah it is big time but you don't know when it occurred so it's probably when you're swimming in the water but you couldn't pinpoint it like when when I injure, absolutely not.
When I injure my face with my phone, I can pinpoint the exact point the injury happened. If you can't pinpoint, you can't feel the water going in your ear.
Everything else on the list, you can pinpoint the exact moment when those injuries happened. You cannot pinpoint the exact moment the water gets stuck in your ear.
Yes, it gets stuck in your ear when you get out of the water and it doesn't come out of your ear. Because all the other water does.
um fact nope not an injury boom what about checkmate what about eye twitch not an injury that's a minor injury when you just can't get rid of an eye twitch all day that's just a physical thing that happens to your body and eye twitch to me just feels like something you got going on right something you're dealing with okay same with same it's the same with no well these are these are honorable mentions so just hey why don't you relax i'm just i don't there are honorable mentions of a list that we're not sprained ankle sprained ankle's big worse than a break i was gonna say uh like tweaked back but i think that's a major injury yeah anytime you hurt your back you're just fucked for a long time spinal calms always bad shower just in Slipping in the shower. Just in general, I feel like for athletes,

whenever those stories come out, that's just embarrassing.

The greatest athletes in the world who have unbelievable coordination

somehow slip like they're your 90-year-old nana.

Pulled hamstring.

Tweaked hamstring.

I think pulled is a real injury.

When you tweak your hamstring,

you spend the next year worrying about pulling it.

The fear of blowing out your Achilles once you get over 30 years old.

Yeah.

That's an injury.

That's the minor injury.

The Achilles is the major.

A bruised shin.

Walking into like a low coffee table or something like that.

Yep.

That's tough.

Splinter.

Splinters suck.

But the only thing with splinters is it's so satisfying to get a splinter out. To actually free the piece of wood from your skin is like, oh.
The minute you realize that there's no longer something underneath there that's touching all the nerves. It's the best.
It does feel great. It's almost worth the splinter, to be honest.
Yeah. I actually might start splintering myself.
Just get a minor case of a splinter. Just start rubbing my rubbing my hands over all types of wood right here yeah um and then i had headache in the back of your eyes specifically the back of your eyes okay that one's always sucks i don't know if i've had that one really that's kind of the hangover where it's like not in your head it's just like the actual bat you could feel it in the back of your eyeballs sore throat is bad sore throat is that a minor injury no okay coronavirus that's sickness if you're under the age of 50 and have not pre-existing conditions not an injury okay it's a physical condition well hank what's another what's another minor injury for you i want to judge some of yours now uh yeah let's judge hitting your knee on a coffee table I just said leg on a coffee table.
Copycat. I said knee.

I mean, I don't have honorable mentions.

Cutting yourself shaving.

I usually rip four and then that's an injury.

Yeah.

Because you can pinpoint the exact moment it happened.

So that's all that it has to be?

In my opinion, yeah.

Oh, funny bone.

Yep.

Yeah, funny bone is a bad.

Funny bone sucks.

Why do they call it the funny bone?

Because it's on your humerus. Ah.
I don't know if that's true or not. Learn something new every day.
Um, okay. That's our show.
Let's, uh, have a great weekend, everyone. And we have a great interview.
Like I said, Tim Grover, MJ's, uh, trainer, great stories about MJ and how competitive he is. Uh, on Monday, we'll have last dance review.
We'll have, do we know what Billy's Deep Dive is? God knows. God knows.
God knows what that child has been up to all week in his fucking berserker basement with all his kittens. Love you guys.
We're talking away. I don't know why.
Say I'm afraid anyway. Today's my place.
I'm calling you shy away. I'll be coming for your love of great.
Shy away. I'll be coming for you Thank you.
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