Nick Swardson, Caron Butler, Mt Flushmore Of Cars, And Duggs Goes To Texas Tech

Speaker 1 Hey, pardon my take, listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
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Speaker 4 On today's part of my take, we got a twofer for the people. We have comedian, actor, Nick Swartzen, hilarious dude, big-time Vikings fan.

Speaker 4 We have a great conversation with him, and then we have legend tough juice Karan Butler on the show for 15-20 minutes. Great talk with him as well.
Some awesome stories.

Speaker 4 And I never knew that anyone could have a Mountain Dew addiction, but he had it. And straws.
And straws, and we talked to him all about that. Before we do that, oh, sorry.

Speaker 4 We have also Hot Seat, Cool Throne, some Doug's Talk, some Guys on Chicks, and Mount Flushmore of Cars. So, So pack show for everyone.

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Speaker 6 At participating, McDonald's.

Speaker 4 Okay, let's go.

Speaker 4 Now, in the streets, there is violence,

Speaker 4 And then I lost some work to be done.

Speaker 4 Looks behind a lot of washing.

Speaker 4 And then I can aim all on the sun. Oh, no, we're gonna rock down to Elite Trick Avenue.

Speaker 4 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 4 Oh, we're gonna rock down to Elite Trick Avenue. Pardon my take presented by Bar Stool Schools.

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$10 for the ASPCA. Today is Wednesday, May 6th.

Speaker 4 We missed Taco Tuesday and Cinco de Mayo. It was the greatest.
We had a nice two-show run there. It was the greatest.
Confluence. Confluence of events.

Speaker 4 It was LeBron's perfect storm. We had a streak.
Yeah. Yeah, for sure.
I mean, LeBron's got a lot of other stuff going on in his life right now. He needed a day for him.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 And I think Taco Tuesday and Cinco de Mayo, that's LeBron's day.

Speaker 7 He's too busy not talking about the last dance, but only like tweeting out Isaiah Thomas highlights.

Speaker 4 Is that what he's been doing?

Speaker 7 That's the only thing he's really that's the only thing he's done since the last dance has been on. He had a long tweet about how good Isaiah Thomas was.
And that was basically it.

Speaker 4 Did he also, did he tweet anything out about him dunking on Isaiah Thomas, the other Isaiah Thomas? I don't think so. I think he might have said something about that.
Wow, interesting.

Speaker 4 I think you're thinking of Jason Terry, but he's been doing a lot of retweets of just stuff about his school, about how good his school is doing. So just changing the conversation a little bit.

Speaker 4 Yeah, get get the narrative going. So

Speaker 4 we don't have sports, but we have fake sports and some real sports, actually. Let's start with that.
Korean baseball is going to ESPN or is already on ESPN.

Speaker 4 Now, the games are in the middle of the night,

Speaker 4 but with the new baseball season and real sports being back, I think we need to, we owe it to ourselves to pick. I think we should pick a team for the whole podcast.
For everyone?

Speaker 4 Okay, I was wondering if we were going to go individually.

Speaker 4 Let's get some gear. Let's root for this team.
We know nothing. I'm gonna list them all for everyone right now, and then we can go.
What we'll do is we'll eliminate it.

Speaker 4 We'll get it down to three just off of just like instant reaction. So here they are.
Think about it:

Speaker 4 the NC Dinos, I like it, the Doosan Bears, the Samsung Lions, the Low T Giants, low-tee. Yeah, I like that one.

Speaker 4 The LG Twins, the Kawum Heroes, the Kia Tigers, the SK Wyverns, the Hanwha Eagles, the KT Wiz,

Speaker 4 and the Hyundai Unicorns. Okay, right off the bat, I'm going to eliminate...
I don't like the unicorns.

Speaker 4 Not because I don't like the name. I don't like the logo.
Okay. The logo looks very nice.
All right, fine, fine, fine.

Speaker 4 All right, so I'm going to say my three off the top are going to be the low-tee giants,

Speaker 4 the dinos,

Speaker 4 and the bears, just because then I can just tweet the bears are back.

Speaker 4 I'm going to say I agree with you on the Low T.

Speaker 4 I like the Low T Giants. I'm going to look it up right now.
Well, we can pronounce it.

Speaker 4 Yeah, yeah. The Low T Giants, the NC Dinos, and I like the SK Wyverns.
Yeah. Okay, Hank, anyone?

Speaker 7 Dinos. Got to go with the Dinos.
Dinosaur unicorns.

Speaker 4 I think we should go for the Dinos, too. Dinos? The Dinos.
I mean, that's just. That's like...

Speaker 4 That's like being like seven years old and being like, you know what I really wish I could do is root for a team named the Dinosaurs. So the NC Dinos, that's going to be our team.

Speaker 4 They actually have a nice logo, too. Some good colors.
Looks like Royals colors almost. Let's look up real quick.
We're going to do a little search on it.

Speaker 7 I was hoping for a dinosaur.

Speaker 4 It's like gold. Well, they probably have a dinosaur.
I guarantee they have a dinosaur mascot. Yeah, just hold on, Hank.
Don't cash our team like that right away.

Speaker 4 They've been around for seven years, it looks like. Oh, expansion team.
Are we still an expansion team? I would say that would make us still an expansion team, right? Finishing last place last year.

Speaker 4 No one can say we're frontrunners. Two years ago.
They were right in the middle last year. No one can say we're frontrunners.
We lost in the wild card to the Twins last year.

Speaker 4 They,

Speaker 4 let's see,

Speaker 4 let's see. The dinos, the dinos.
Oh, we have never won a championship. That's good.
So that we can say we got in on the ground floor

Speaker 4 to Leicester City of Korean baseball. Any guys we can recognize off the top? Aaron Alther,

Speaker 4 Nassoon Berm, Logan Veret.

Speaker 4 I'm pretty pretty sure he was a pitcher for the Rangers last I remember. Logan Veret.
Mike Wright. Okay, so we're NC Dinos guys.
Okay. NC Dinos mascot.
This was thrilling. If you.
Oh, whoa.

Speaker 4 Whoa. Time out.
Time out. Can I tell you the name of the mascot? Yep.

Speaker 4 Swoll Daddy. Fuck yes.
All right. The Dinos Daddy.
Swole Daddy. Swole Daddy is his mascot.
I'm pulling up a picture of Swole Daddy Daddy right now. Holy shit.
It is cool as shit.

Speaker 4 We lucked into something. It's the Loch Ness Monster on Steroids.
Dude. He's jacked as fuck.
Oh, my God. Did we get lucky on that one? This is the mountain of dinosaurs.
Swole Daddy. Come at us.

Speaker 4 We need to get all the gear.

Speaker 4 When I say we need to get all the gear, we need to just have Welker create the gear for us. Yeah, maybe even get just a giant Swole Daddy in our studio.
Yeah. Oh, man.
This guy is cool.

Speaker 4 He's got a huge fucking neck. Neck for days.
It's a glitter neck. And

Speaker 4 he definitely is swole. Oh, yeah.
And he's got... He's got a sick little pendant on his neck, like a chain.
He rocks a chain. I was going to say he's a smoker, and that's probably the lung box thing.

Speaker 4 He's got a tracheotomy. Yeah.
But swole daddy. He's intubated.
We're in. Swole Daddy.
The NC Dinos. All right.
I like it.

Speaker 4 I'm excited now. Yeah, I'm not going to watch, but I'm excited.
We're 1-0. Are we? Winning streak, yep.
Hell yeah. And, oh, this one's cute, too.

Speaker 4 They got a little Dinos fan account that I'm going to follow right now. The NC Dinos fan account.
Man, that's so cool. All right.
NC Dinos for NC Dinos fan. Boom.
Done. Number one NC Dinos podcast.

Speaker 4 All right. Oh, it's all in Korean.
That's going to be confusing. Yeah, you can do the translation.
Smash that translate button. All right.
Other news. You had some

Speaker 4 questions for Coach Dougs, who went on Monday night. He won the Rose Bowl and then went from USCOC to Texas Tech head coach Wreckham.
Congrats up. Congrats on Wreckham.

Speaker 4 You got to make sure you do it at an angle.

Speaker 4 Otherwise, it's a loser. Yep.
Off to the sides. I mean, that's a big step for you.
Yeah. So, Coach Dougs, the narrative around Coach Dougs has been he's a career coordinator.

Speaker 4 By the way, if anyone has changed what we're talking about, because they might not live on the internet, I started an NCAA dynasty with a coach that I created named Gus Duggerton, who's very obese, loves to throw the ball, loves to blame his defense for fuck-ups.

Speaker 4 And I'm now in season four. I started Toledo, went to FSU, won the Fiesta Bowl, no big deal against UConn, won the Rose Bowl at USC against Michigan State, which was basically the national title.

Speaker 4 And then now I'm at Texas Tech. Okay, yeah, it's actually, honestly, it's very impressive what you've done with Coach Dougs.
Right now, Coach Dougs is the hottest thing in sports.

Speaker 4 You've got buzzing. You've got every single major college football account is talking about Coach Dougs.
The Texas Tech football account is welcoming you to Lubbock with open arms.

Speaker 4 Patrick Mahomes is excited to have you as his coach, even though we don't think that Patrick Mahomes is in the game. He's not.
He's not. He got there in 2014.

Speaker 4 These are rosters from 2013, but I might make them. So it's remarkable.
It's remarkable what Coach Dougs has done in such a short amount of time. But there are some narratives.

Speaker 4 And as Big J journalists, I feel like we should address what these emerging narratives are before you lose control of them. Okay.

Speaker 4 So the first one that I had is that Coach Dougs does not care about the defensive side of the ball and is going to get exposed. Fact.
Okay.

Speaker 4 Well, it's busted. The thing is, it's the Big 12.

Speaker 4 You're going to fit in.

Speaker 4 Defense isn't going to be worse than Baylor's. Listen, the one nice thing about being Coach Dougs is I am very honest about my shortcomings.

Speaker 4 Defense is number one, and I will still blame my defense if they fuck up my offense. Okay, narrative number two, clock management is awful.
Again, fact.

Speaker 4 So, clock management, I have a philosophy with clock management. If there's time on the clock, you score points.

Speaker 4 No matter what the distance, no matter what the down, if there's time on the clock, you're going for the end zone. And even if you're up late? Yeah, even if I'm up late.
Especially if you're up late.

Speaker 4 Yeah, style points. That's actually what's, yeah, if you're a BCS voter,

Speaker 4 that's what you look at. Style points.
Now, for actual clock management at like the end of the first half, again, very bad. Now, I think of myself as the reverse Andy Reid.

Speaker 4 Andy Reid likes to just burn timeouts early and doesn't have any. I like to save my timeouts until there's like

Speaker 4 an ideal coach Doug's situation is 18 seconds left with all three timeouts.

Speaker 4 You're flexible. You'd rather have him and not need him than need him not have him.
Correct. I'll take timeouts in the locker room.
I don't care. Okay, next one.

Speaker 4 His weight makes him lose energy as the season goes on. Also, facts.
So he gets lethargic by the time November rolls around. You've got you're susceptible to trap games.
Yes.

Speaker 4 Yes. Yes.
Well, I've only lost one trap game. Yes.
I've only lost one trap game. Georgia Tech? Georgia Tech wasn't a trap game game game.
Georgia Tech is the definition of a trap game.

Speaker 4 It was the ACC championship game for a spot at the Natty. Both of us could have gone to the Natty.
Georgia Tech. That's not a trap game.

Speaker 4 I'm of the mindset that anytime a team loses to Georgia Tech, it's a trap game because you don't see the triple option coming up.

Speaker 7 But in our conversations behind the scenes,

Speaker 4 you had already looked past Georgia Tech. Oh, T-Hang.
No, no, hello. Spill that T-Heck.
No, listen.

Speaker 4 Georgia Tech, for some reason in NCAA football game, they just love the triple option because if you play enough years, Army, Navy, and and Georgia Tech are always at the top of the country.

Speaker 4 It's crazy. I will 100% own up to UCLA being the biggest trap game of all time, and I walked right into the trap.
Okay. Next one.

Speaker 4 Coach Douglas wasn't even the best coach on that Toledo team that he debuted with. That's awesome.
So he hasn't really earned what he's been given.

Speaker 4 He's a system coach who rode the coattails of the head coach of that Toledo team who just won the national championship at USC, University of South Carolina. Now, let me ask you a question.

Speaker 4 Would you rather have a national championship or three Heismans? And a civil conflict. And a civil conflict.
Easy. Three Heismans.
Yeah, three Heismans. I've won the Heisman every place I've gone.

Speaker 4 So that's a recruiting. Like, hey, you want to win a Heisman? Come be with Coach Dougs because guess what? When he's up 30 points, he's still going to pad those stats.

Speaker 4 You're the coach Cal of NCAA football. We got to get those guys' jerseys framed and put behind you as coaching.
I'd also like it on the record.

Speaker 4 I've won the Heisman as a running back twice and a quarterback once. So I'm flexible.
I might try to go, fuck it. I'll win it as a wide receiver.
Receiver or a defensive player.

Speaker 4 No, not a defensive player. No, so I'm not going to play defense.
And

Speaker 4 I might just let them score just so I can, like, last guy wins. Yep.

Speaker 4 Another emerging narrative. You're a one-look and go type of guy.
Or at least you overlook B. You don't need to be a bad person.
Not impairs to B. Not impulse to B.
You see the Rose Bowl?

Speaker 4 Rose Bowl B was on fire. I scored five touchdowns going to B.
So whoever's told me B is always open, thank you for that because I did at one point look past B, but now I do not look past B anymore.

Speaker 4 Now I actually, you could accuse me the reverse. You only look for B.
It's just one game. It's just one game, though.
I got B on my sights now.

Speaker 4 Okay, last narrative that's out there is that Coach Dougs has rabid ears. He listens to the chat too much.
Yes. Gets thrown off his game by the chat.

Speaker 4 There's at least one interception a game that is 100% because of the Twitch chat. Okay.
And

Speaker 4 they will goad me into interceptions right when I can't have one. I do think that Lubbock and Texas Tech is a perfect environment for a Coach Doug's type guy because it's a small enough town where

Speaker 4 your sovereign immunity. Well, no, they don't have that.
No, we're going to fight that. We're going to fight that when you leave and your contract, they try to take your money from you.
Yes.

Speaker 4 There aren't enough people. There aren't enough Capital J journalists in that town to really put the screws to you.
So you can play fast and loose with recruiting.

Speaker 4 You can play fast and loose with practice rules. Yes.
You can lock your players in equipment sheds. Correct.
All these things, and no one in Lubbock is going to say anything as long as you win.

Speaker 7 What's the blind play policy as a head coach now?

Speaker 4 I'll still mix him in. I don't know if I can do blind plays.
Actually, I could do blind plays on defense. Fuck it.
I'm only controlling one player. I don't...
I'm going to be a Texas Tech for a year.

Speaker 4 I'm going to give it my best, maybe two years. But I've said it, and I'll say it again.
Coach Dougs is

Speaker 4 a rambling man, okay? He likes the road. He likes to be out there.
He likes to get in on different campuses.

Speaker 4 He likes to make sure that his past doesn't catch up with him by staying one jump in front of the NCAA.

Speaker 7 Is Mrs. Dougs and the family coming to Texas?

Speaker 4 No, they're staying in Toledo. They'll stay in Toledo.
They like it there. Yeah, they like it.

Speaker 4 They're like, I got to focus on football. I got to focus on football.

Speaker 4 I'm very pumped.

Speaker 4 It is so sad that this is the state that we're in that game days, I get so excited.

Speaker 4 Are you guys ranked in the top 25? Nope. Preseason? 2-10 last year.
No respect coming. That's why it's just a total turnaround job.

Speaker 4 If I can win week one against UCLA, which is tomorrow night at 9 o'clock, people will be singing my praises. A lot of oil money flowing through there.

Speaker 4 Wednesday night, 9 o'clock. Maybe a double header against Florida State.
I can't start 0-2, though. Fuck.

Speaker 4 Florida State and who? UCLA revenge game, Florida State.

Speaker 7 And me and Billy are playing with a Cod League professional Call of Duty player before.

Speaker 4 Jake's going to get fucked up. That's a hell of a leader.
Just get fucked. Yeah.
Billy's going to get fucked.

Speaker 7 It's going to be something.

Speaker 4 Billy's going to get fucked. Hard.
No, we're playing with him. Oh, you guys are gonna fuck people.
Hell yeah. Hard.

Speaker 4 All right, let's get to our hot seat cool throw, and then we got Nick Schwartzen and Karon Butler coming up.

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Speaker 7 My hot seat is teachers.

Speaker 4 What? Uh-oh.

Speaker 4 Say your pardon.

Speaker 7 Elon Musk, who is the goat of nerds, some would say a trendsetter of the nerd community.

Speaker 4 Occupy Mars.

Speaker 7 Occupy Mars. He had his first child, and he named it

Speaker 7 XAEA 12.

Speaker 4 XAE 12. Okay.

Speaker 4 What does that mean?

Speaker 7 That means that he is

Speaker 7 setting a trend. I have no idea.
It's an X.

Speaker 4 Do you think that they did a middle name like Frank? No.

Speaker 4 Who knows? Maybe

Speaker 4 the AE is a 12. It's a mathematical test.

Speaker 7 The AE looks like a Mewtwo sign.

Speaker 4 It's not AE. Middle name Steve.

Speaker 7 Anyway, so my point is that teachers are on the hot seat because this is going to start a trend amongst the nerd people community to be like, oh, we don't even have to name our kids real names.

Speaker 7 We can just do symbols and codes. And so imagine being a teacher and getting the attendance sheet and being like, hey, Sam, Joe, X, XA, E12.

Speaker 4 Well, all right, so two things. One is it's kind of the boy name Sue for nerds, right?

Speaker 4 Like, you name your kid this, they're going to be a nerd because everyone's going to just be like, what is your fucking name?

Speaker 7 What's boy named Sue?

Speaker 4 Well, no, boy name Sue is the exact opposite of what you just said. No, no, I know, but for the nerd, I'm saying it's boy named Sue for the nerd.
I don't even know what boy named Sunday.

Speaker 4 Sue is a Johnny Cash song.

Speaker 4 He, you know, the song goes that he was named Sue because the dad left when he was young, and because his name was Sue, he had to fight all his life because everyone made fun of him.

Speaker 4 And then one day he comes up and he sees his dad, and they get in a fight in a bar fight. And he's like, You're a tough son of a bitch.
And he's like, I know because I named you Sue.

Speaker 4 Because I knew you'd have to fight. Right.
And your whole life, I wouldn't be here. So if you name your kid

Speaker 4 12, then that is going to make your kid not a nerd? No, a nerd. It's keeping the nerd community alive because they won't be able to just be regular.

Speaker 4 Right. So it's forcing him into

Speaker 4 being a nerd. Yes.
So it kind of is the opposite of Sue because Sue forced him into being an alpha. Right.
Right.

Speaker 4 It's the boy named Sue for nerd. Gotcha.
So XAEA-12.

Speaker 4 Like Elon Musk will show up to the Sloan conference in 25 years, and XAE12 will be like, well, I actually think that you're wrong here, here, and here.

Speaker 4 And Elon Musk will be like, I know, because I named you XAE12. I gave you everything you needed.
You're a nerd.

Speaker 4 So what XAEA-12, it's almost like Elon Musk did the Goodwill Hunting Blackboard just for life. Just like named his kid a mathematical equation, it looks like.

Speaker 4 And somebody's going to figure it out one day.

Speaker 7 Yeah, it's going to be like Elon Musk is going to disappear, and then he's going to go on some mission to try and find him back. And then

Speaker 7 20 years later, it's going to be like, what's the passcode? Yeah. XAE 12.
I have a question.

Speaker 4 I think it's just Python code for I can't believe my dad had sex with my mom.

Speaker 4 I have a question for everyone. Do you think

Speaker 4 someone has already named their child COVID? Yes. Yes, it sounds like it's kind of a sick.

Speaker 4 It happened in India. Really? Yeah.
What about America? You think anyone's done it? Do you think someone's like, I don't really think this is a big deal and kind kind of a sick name?

Speaker 4 Probably, yeah, it's probably happened. I would say that somebody's probably already named their kid XAEA 13.
Ooh, okay. On a different planet? No, here.

Speaker 4 After hearing this name, they're like, I'm going to go one better than Elon.

Speaker 4 Elon Musk definitely named this kid thinking like, you know, when we have the Battle of the Galaxies, this is a name that will actually be able to be registered. Oh, shit.

Speaker 7 I got another hot seat. This just came across my radar.

Speaker 4 By the way, my second point, which I lost, Elon Elon Musk actually bought a home, which he's now selling, to make a school for him and his rich friends. So those teachers are fine.

Speaker 4 He literally created a private school.

Speaker 4 So it's a homeschool

Speaker 4 at a different place. It's a homeschool that's staffed by people he hired personally that are teachers.
Correct. Okay.

Speaker 7 My other hot seat, which I didn't have until one second ago, is the Chili's in Plainville, Massachusetts.

Speaker 4 Uh-oh. What happened?

Speaker 7 Our boy Scott Zolak just sent out a tweet. What did he say? Don't ever go get curbside pickup at Chili's in Plainville.

Speaker 7 My wife has been sitting in the parking lot for one hour and 20 minutes in a backed-up order.

Speaker 4 Oh, that's why I was getting tagged in the middle of the day.

Speaker 7 Go to small places or pizza shops locally.

Speaker 4 How about Chili's is still delicious, Scott, and it's worth the wait. Yeah, however, you can't rush greatness.
Yeah. Did somebody barge in on Michelangelo when he's paying their Sistine Chapel?

Speaker 4 He was like, hey, can you hurry up? My wife wants to come in here and take a picture. How about if you set something free and it was meant to be, it will come back.

Speaker 4 Set your chili's order free, and if it arrives, it was meant to be. To me, it sounds like Chili's is just doing too well financially.
Like, everyone knows that the product is that good.

Speaker 4 There's a wait for it. Chips on deck.
Do you think Chili's has a similar situation like when all this happened?

Speaker 4 Like the oil? Like, they had too many chips to offer. What do we do with the chips? The chips coming out the door? Yeah, it just went down.

Speaker 4 They're like, we keep getting orders of chips, and no one's here to order free chips. I don't think so, because they're too delicious.
Yeah, free refills.

Speaker 4 They probably give like free refills. If you order chilies to go, they'll probably give you three orders worth of chips.
It's like offloadable.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it's like you're getting a five guys order and they just fill up the bag with fries. Yes.
Yeah, that's what they're doing at Chili's right now.

Speaker 4 Yeah, now is actually the best time to get chilies. Yes.
So, Scott, I'm going to have to disagree with you. Respectfully.
Yes.

Speaker 4 He doesn't even follow us anymore because he's got to always follow 69 people. He doesn't.
What? He doesn't follow me. Yeah, he unfolded me.
He did follow me and then he unfolded. He cycles.

Speaker 4 He cycles because he has to keep that 69 memory.

Speaker 7 Damn.

Speaker 4 My cool throw was the lads. Oh, the lads.
What happened?

Speaker 7 There was just a TikTok of a British guy singing this song about when we go back to the pub. It's a Savage Garden, truly, madly, deeply, but it's like a British remake.

Speaker 4 I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy.

Speaker 4 I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need.

Speaker 4 I love you more with every breath, truly, madly, deeply do.

Speaker 4 I will be strong, I will be faithful. Cause I'm counting on a new beginning,

Speaker 4 a reason for living, a deeper meaning.

Speaker 4 I wanna stand with you on a mountain,

Speaker 4 I wanna bathe with you in the sea.

Speaker 4 Oh, I wanna lay like this forever

Speaker 4 until the sky falls down on me.

Speaker 7 And it's just the greatest song of all time. It's been stuck in my head.
Just makes me miss the lads.

Speaker 4 Yeah. And I just put them on my cool throat.
I'm going out for a pint with them.

Speaker 4 I feel like people in England sing three songs at bars. It's this song.
It's that Oasis song, Don't Look Back in Anger. They always sing that one.

Speaker 4 That's the one that goes like, so Sally, can't wait, right? And then they probably sing We Are the Champions. Well, and I'm Coming Home.
I'm Coming Home.

Speaker 4 It's coming home.

Speaker 4 It was one of those songs where

Speaker 4 there's only one Connor McGregor. No, no, no.
What's the, that's Ireland. It's com.
It's coming home. Football's coming.
What was that? How did it go? It was so much to get older, just like a wave.

Speaker 4 I get knocked down. Football's coming home.
Then I get up again.

Speaker 4 He drinks a lot of the house.

Speaker 4 He drinks a lot in the middle of the middle of the street.

Speaker 7 But this is one of those songs, Savage Garden Truly Medley Deeply, where the song on TikTok with the British people singing it and the lads singing it, it's electric. The Savage Garden version sucks.

Speaker 4 Not nearly as good. It's too electronic.

Speaker 7 I was like,

Speaker 7 I gotta find this song and put it on my playlist. And I was just like, the Savage Garden version is terrible.

Speaker 4 They should do a rap remix and make it 21 Savage Garden. There we go.
Be fucking fire. This is an electric song.

Speaker 4 Home, it's coming home. It's coming.
Football's coming home. That's that's yeah, they just sang that all summer until they lost, like they always do in the World Cup.

Speaker 4 And then they also have football's coming home.

Speaker 4 been home. It's coming home.
It's coming. Football's coming home.
It's a pretty easy song now that I've they sing the champions. Yeah.
I feel like they just randomly break into that. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Although England teams usually don't do well in the Champions League. Although they did, I think, man.
No, Liverpool won it.

Speaker 4 And that was talking soccer. Okay.

Speaker 4 Who cares? Did that excuse your hot seat culture on? My hot seat. I had Hank on my hot seat because I was going to have him just read the equation

Speaker 4 that was Elon Musk's child. But I'm pulling an audible.

Speaker 4 I'm going to say that rivalries are on the hot seat because Texas's athletic director was asked, when will you guys schedule Texas A ⁇ M again in football? Because everyone misses that game.

Speaker 4 He replied, we're interested in scheduling games against teams that have won national championships. Whoa.

Speaker 4 Shots fired. Actually, you could make the argument that the rivalry is back on

Speaker 4 because he said that they don't have a rivalry with them.

Speaker 4 He kind of played himself into a rivalry.

Speaker 4 That's some big-time language there because if I had to do gun to my head right now, I would definitely say Texas AM is going to win a national title before Texas. You think so? Yeah.
Annatty?

Speaker 4 Yeah, SEC. They got the road.
They got a tougher schedule.

Speaker 4 They got the road. Jimbo.

Speaker 4 I think neither team is going to win that title. Yeah, no, I would say neither.

Speaker 4 But if I had to go like in the next hundred years, I would just pick the team that's playing the SEC. Because even if A ⁇ M doesn't win one, they can just put it on the side of their building.

Speaker 4 Obama's counsel for the family. We've done this.

Speaker 4 My other hot seat is Roger Goodell. Roger Goodell and the NFL is on the hot seat.

Speaker 4 There was a report that came out today that said that there were documented, three documented cases of COVID down in Florida back in January that got covered up, that got buried, that didn't get released.

Speaker 4 And I think it's pretty clear that the NFL didn't want the Super Bowl to get canceled. That's what I'm, you guys aren't ready for that conversation, but I think that Roger Goodell had something to do.

Speaker 4 Why is he on the hot seat then? He should be on the cool throne for making sure the Super Bowl didn't get canceled. Yeah, he did a good job on that, but now, but this leaked.

Speaker 4 This just came out right now. So somebody's onto him.
Got it. Somebody is onto Roger Goodell.
Yeah, I'm going to say, good job. It was the last sporting event ever.
It was great.

Speaker 4 It was such a fun time. It was great.
My Cool Throne is Attractive Girls Selling COVID Masks and Tweet Replies.

Speaker 4 I don't know if you guys have seen this yet. Oh, yeah.
So if you know anything about medical device sales or pharmaceutical sales, you know that they like to hire the most attractive women possible.

Speaker 4 Or D1 like offensive line then. That's really your

Speaker 4 Heisman as an option quarterback. And now they just go out and play golf and sell medical devices.
But usually it's an attractive girl because the horniest people in America are middle-aged doctors.

Speaker 4 And so if you can get an attractive girl in the door, a doctor will buy whatever they want from them. That's been taken to the internet.

Speaker 4 And now we've got attractive girls that are just replying to all sorts of tweets from verified accounts, non-verified accounts.

Speaker 4 I don't know where they're getting their prospect list from, but they're all over the place just trying to sell these masks.

Speaker 4 And it works because I think Twitter reply people are hornier even than doctors. Yes.

Speaker 4 So, yeah, I wanted to, I almost bought a mask today. Absolutely.
I've seen a bunch of them too, just getting spammed with them. Yeah.
Spammed. I might just have to.
If you buy one, do you get?

Speaker 4 They stop.

Speaker 4 Okay. That's fair.
All right. right, my hot seat is my face.
My face is on my hot seat because I grossly misjudged the weight I need to be at to shave my beard.

Speaker 4 Really misjudged it. I don't mean this.
I don't make you look normal. I don't mean this in an insulting way, big cat.
I lost on that one.

Speaker 4 The scarf that's around your neck constantly, pushing up on your neck into your cheek. Listen,

Speaker 4 it doesn't help.

Speaker 4 The scarf is there because I forget my mask all the time, and I'm trying to be a good citizen of New New York and make sure I have a mask all the time so until I can be in a it's like a pair of sunglasses right just lose them right away yeah I'm just saying you might want to take it off occasionally when it's dry it's like a turtleneck it just pushes it makes your face like a foreskin gets pushed up over your gels yeah by the way most relatable uh thing ever like first time that my son was really my bro was uh on Sunday we bought him some sunglasses and we gave them to him and I think we walked for about a hundred yards before they were gone.

Speaker 4 Lost them already? Lost them. I was like, dude, love it.
You party too hard. Welcome to life.
You just fucking lost those sunglasses. You got to lose those sunglasses.

Speaker 4 You got to get shady raised, though. That's why.

Speaker 4 Okay. My cool.
Yeah, I'm just, I just misjudged it. I need to be 10 pounds lighter to have a mustache.
You'll get there. I did it, and I looked at myself and I was like, you fucked that up, dude.

Speaker 4 Just stop snacking.

Speaker 4 You know, I can't stop snacking. My cool throne is fear.
I had the fear thing on Monday.

Speaker 4 Well, fear is fighting back because since Monday, we've had new stories about a new mutant strain of coronavirus. You're getting fear.
You're getting fear porn again. No, it's not a mutant.

Speaker 4 Okay, whatever. It's a fucking

Speaker 4 transformer, X-Men, whatever it is. And then there's also the coronavirus stories you're going around that your toes fall off.
No.

Speaker 4 That's the most terrifying part. I'm saying no, sir.

Speaker 4 Take all, listen to the doctors, take precautions, but do not let the fear porn take you down. Because I saw those stories back to back.
I was like, you got to be shitting me. Mutant coronavirus?

Speaker 4 They know exactly what they're doing by putting the word mutant in a headline. It's bullshit.
It is bullshit because what happened was the virus slightly changed. And it always changed.

Speaker 4 It changed the same virus. Dude, the virus always changes, okay? You're not the same guy you were two days ago.
Right, it's growing. Right.
Its tastes are developing. Right.

Speaker 4 It's a teenager now. Yeah.
Study says mutant coronavirus has emerged and is more contagious. That is blatantly bullshit.
Let's scare the fuck out of him.

Speaker 4 It's like saying when a kid finally doesn't hate Brussels sprouts, it's a mutant now. No more fear.
So stay strong.

Speaker 4 And then also my cool term is J. Crew.
I feel like we're going to get a good deal off this or no? Yeah, probably. Well, go to Marshalls.
Wasn't there something else? Sweaters or something?

Speaker 4 I don't know. What was that big department store that went out of business a couple weeks ago? Oh, I don't remember.
Marshalls. We should all.

Speaker 4 No, Marshalls is on the come up because it's getting all this sweet J. Crew shit.
Yeah. And also got, was it Neiman Marcus? Yeah.
I think Neiman Marcus is giving all.

Speaker 4 We need to just fucking hook ourselves up with the sickest button-downs that every male, white male over the age of 30 owns.

Speaker 4 Dude, I call Dibs on the blue picnic table one. I got Dibs on the green polo shirt, but also the cardigan that wraps around the waist.
Yeah. And the extra pleated khakis.
Nice. Nice.
Okay.

Speaker 4 Hank, you want any dibs on anything from J. Crew? No, not your style? It'd be like a

Speaker 4 quarter zip pullover. Oh, I got the vest, too.
Give me the vests. I want the vest.
What about the vest that looks like your squash player? Those are pretty sweet. Yeah, I'll take that as well.

Speaker 4 I'll take any type of vest. Puffy, skinny.
Loafers? Give me some loafers. Mm-hmm.
Is it true the bigger the vest, the more money you have in your

Speaker 4 private equity fund? Absolutely. I think so.
That's what I've been told. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah, that's exactly right. The skinny vests are like day one noobs.
Actually, you know what I always think? If a guy doesn't have pockets on his pants, that guy's rich as fuck.

Speaker 4 Or Michael Scott wearing a European suit. Women's

Speaker 4 winter piece that he thought was European.

Speaker 4 All right, let's get to our interviews. We got Nick Schwartzen up first, then Karon Butler.

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Speaker 4 All right, here he is, Nick Schwartzon.

Speaker 4 Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. It is comedian, actor, Nick Schwartzon.
He has a new movie out on Netflix, May 13th, The Wrong Missy.

Speaker 4 It's great to finally get you on, Nick.

Speaker 4 We've been circling this interview for a while now, so much so that I went and looked back at our conversations in DM, and I just found out a shocking fact that I had forgotten about you.

Speaker 4 You're a fucking Duke fan?

Speaker 9 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 Oh,

Speaker 4 How does that happen? God.

Speaker 9 Why? What's going on, man?

Speaker 4 We hate Duke. We hate Duke.
You're from Minnesota. We hate Duke.

Speaker 4 You should be a Wisconsin fan.

Speaker 9 That's understandable.

Speaker 4 A Wisconsin fan? What the fuck? He makes a joke. I went to Wisconsin.
He makes a joke about reciprocity because he thinks it's weird. But how did you end up a Duke fan, grow up in Minnesota?

Speaker 9 I've been a Duke fan since like the 80s. So I was a fan before they ever did anything.
I was a fan back with like Doctor, Snyder, Danny Ferry, Robert Brickey, all those guys.

Speaker 4 I just watched them.

Speaker 9 I was like, these guys are fucking dope. And then I found out my cousin went there and I was like, oh, cool.
And then I just started watching them.

Speaker 9 And I just, I just became obsessed with Duke basketball. I've gone to like 10 Final Fours.
I've seen them win it twice. And yeah, I've just been a diehard Duke fan.

Speaker 4 Did you, did you go to, what was the year you last saw him win it?

Speaker 9 I, the last year I saw them win it was 2010.

Speaker 4 Okay, so you weren't at 2015. That never happened.

Speaker 4 I like that you're like,

Speaker 9 well, my brother went to fucking Madison.

Speaker 4 Okay, so yeah, that was fucked up.

Speaker 4 Duke wins too much. But I don't want to make this a Duke podcast.
I do like, though, that you are basically like the guy who bought Microsoft at $2. And you're like, I like Duke in the 80s, dude.

Speaker 4 I got all the Duke's.

Speaker 9 I always have to say that because people jump on like... Duke's a piece of shit immediately.

Speaker 9 It's basically when you wear a Duke t-shirt anywhere, it's like, like, yeah, you immediately get hated on. But I mean, whatever.

Speaker 4 Fuck. All right.
Coach K's at class back. He's phenomenal.
Yeah. He fakes injuries whenever the chips, you know, get, when things get tough, he's

Speaker 9 the first person to ever be dramatic about an injury.

Speaker 4 I mean, to be fair, they did go to three Final Fours in the 80s. They weren't exactly chop loose.

Speaker 9 Yeah, but they didn't win until 91.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it's true. All right, let's find common ground.
The Packers, you want to do that? How much we hate the packers

Speaker 4 yay

Speaker 9 how great was their draft oh unbolly solid pretty solid everyone's like are you excited about the minnesota draft i was like yeah i mean i saw those picks those picks coming but i just the packer draft i was like oh

Speaker 4 yes

Speaker 4 but is there part small part of you uh who

Speaker 4 like thinking like fuck jordan love will probably be a hall of famer just because that's how it always works out for them yeah i mean obviously you never know how it's going to play out.

Speaker 9 I just like that they're in, you know, it just discombobulated for a minute. So that, just the drama over there makes me, brings me joy.
Yes.

Speaker 4 Where do we stand on Kirk Cousins?

Speaker 9 I mean,

Speaker 9 you know, I like Kurt. He's a good quarterback.

Speaker 4 Kurt. Yeah.

Speaker 4 That was the most Vikings. I have friends who are Vikings fans, and your response there is every single Vikings fan's response.
A deep sigh, and then a, you know, he's a good guy.

Speaker 4 That's all you can say about him. And I rooted for him for, I think, three years when he was in D.C.
And that's the best compliment. It's like,

Speaker 4 he seems like a guy that you would trust to park your car. You do the thing where you have to like actually talk yourself into him repeatedly when asked.

Speaker 9 Well, I mean, what are you going to do?

Speaker 4 I'm not going to be one of those people that's like,

Speaker 4 yeah, fuck him.

Speaker 9 It's like he's under contract. He's playing for us.
He's not a bad quarterback. I mean, our line, you know, the thing about him is just he's not mobile.

Speaker 9 I mean, it's, it's, it's almost comical when shit hits a fan where he's just like, okay, bye.

Speaker 4 Yeah, he turtles. Have you noticed that his head definitely got bigger when he became a Viking and like he had to wear that purple helmet? Like, it looks bigger now.

Speaker 4 Yeah, we enlarged the helmets.

Speaker 4 What about

Speaker 4 you? Would you rather have Kirk Cousins or Sam Bradford?

Speaker 9 Uh, Kirk Cousins.

Speaker 4 Would you rather have Kirk Cousins or Stephon Dix?

Speaker 9 i mean they're different positions but there's a real problem that happened i mean i would

Speaker 9 i would probably rather have cousins

Speaker 4 this is great i love this this is i mean you're doing what i've done with every shitty bears quarterback where i'm just like dude what who else are you gonna pay I mean, the Bears,

Speaker 9 they're another, I'm on a text thread with a lot of my, because a lot of comedians come out of Chicago I mean a fucking billion So I'm on a text thread with a lot of those guys and it's literally 10 Bears fans and then me and I just watch the scroll of Fucking meltdowns Yep, and I just as a bystander I just sit there and then I'll chime in a couple times and they're like fuck you

Speaker 9 but uh it you know it does it does all kind of gravitate towards hating the packers so i mean that's one that's one great thing about the nfc North:

Speaker 9 you can always go, okay, well, fuck those guys. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah. So I have a question about your Vikings, like, game day ritual.
Are you, do you get drunk for every game? Because the way you tweet,

Speaker 4 you tweet like a madman, like a true fan. I love that about your Twitter, but I always imagine you're just blackout drunk when you're tweeting in all caps, yelling at everyone.

Speaker 9 Yeah, I mean, it depends. There was one season I went hard in the paint

Speaker 9 on Twitter where I completely lost my mind. I mean, alcohol was for sure involved.
I mean, that's another Midwest thing too, is like,

Speaker 9 it is just such a shitstorm of alcohol that, I mean, there's games, full games I've been to, no recollection

Speaker 4 of being there.

Speaker 9 I mean, the pregame rituals, the tailgating, then into the bar, then into the stadium, and then throughout the game.

Speaker 9 I mean, it's just like, and win or lose, there's no like, I say, like a lot, sorry, there's no

Speaker 9 saving grace. So if you win, it's the best.
And if you lose, you're like, bye, world.

Speaker 4 Am I going to drink because I'm happy, or am I going to drink because I'm sad? That's, that's what you have to do with that.

Speaker 9 So it's always insanity. Are you guys big tailgate?

Speaker 4 I used to tailgate. Yeah, I used to tailgate before games, but then it became an issue where it's like, okay, when you tailgate, you usually miss the first quarter at least.

Speaker 4 You know, you get in at the start of the second quarter, and then it's a pain in the ass to get in, pain in the ass to get out.

Speaker 4 I just stopped going to games because it's so much better at home watching on TV.

Speaker 9 I mean, at the end of the day, it is,

Speaker 9 you know, just in terms of just watching a game, I mean, you get so much more when you when it's live, you don't really know what's going on. Yeah, like sometimes you're just like, What?

Speaker 9 You know, there's no replay, and everyone's had a fumble. Did you see it? Who saw it? And you're like, I don't know, you're in the bathroom.
I'm like, Yeah, I know.

Speaker 4 Did anyone? Yeah,

Speaker 9 Completely just a shell of a human.

Speaker 4 The perfect, I actually think the tailgate is better than going to the game.

Speaker 4 I would, if a perfect Sunday would be to tailgate, then go watch all the games because there's something about a tailgate when you have that vibe where everyone's excited for what could possibly happen and everyone's in a great mood and you've got that like cold, have I pissed myself?

Speaker 4 You know, everyone's passing around booze and food. There's nothing like a tailgate vibe before a big game.

Speaker 9 Yeah, and there's also, should I piss myself?

Speaker 4 Yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 9 It's also like, hey, man, should I just flip the switch here and maybe warm up for about 10 seconds?

Speaker 4 Yeah, and then instantly regret it for the rest of the afternoon. You're like, but it felt

Speaker 4 a story.

Speaker 9 I heard a story about,

Speaker 9 I believe it was,

Speaker 9 I don't know if I'm misquoting it, but it was Bears fans that went to a Packer game and it was freezing out.

Speaker 9 And their goal was to piss and shit themselves so much in the stands that they were completely disgusting to be around.

Speaker 9 And that was their goal. They just chugged beer as much as they could and completely defecated and soiled themselves.
to such a repulsive way.

Speaker 9 So they're like, win or lose, we're going to ruin this experience for everyone around us.

Speaker 4 I respect that.

Speaker 9 And I just thought that was really, really admirable.

Speaker 4 You know what I used to do? I used to go tailgate. I'd get drunk in the parking lot.
And then I just didn't have enough money to buy a ticket for the game.

Speaker 4 So I'd stay in the parking lot and watch the game on a TV, like in the back of a car or like, you know, out of the back of a truck or something like that. And you could hear.

Speaker 4 the in-game noise from the stadium on the outside. That was pretty cool.

Speaker 9 Yeah, that's cool. Yeah.
I remember I did a show in Indiana once, and

Speaker 9 my buddy that I was with was like, hey, let's go to a Notre Dame football game. And I'm like, okay, I'd never been before.
It was pretty badass.

Speaker 9 And we went and people think tailgating, I mean, I was always like, oh, it's like a, you know, a college thing.

Speaker 9 Dude, the Notre Dame tailgate were people in their 80s, these old Notre Dame fans, and they were ripping Jameson at fucking eight in the morning like it was water.

Speaker 9 Yes, yeah, I was I was in my 20s at the time, and I was like, oh my lord, yes, this is this is the goal.

Speaker 4 The tailgate at Notre Dame is uh unlike any other, just because it is the oldest tailgate, but it still goes pretty hard.

Speaker 4 And you have like a bunch of old dudes with their class rings and cigars just having a great time. So, yeah, you're absolutely right on that.
I had uh, let's let's do a little comedy talk. Um,

Speaker 4 I, I'm, I'm, oh, you don't want to. All right, fine.
Let's just talk sports. No, no, no, that's fine.
Tell me a joke. Fine, man.
Remember the night? I saw a video, Nick.

Speaker 4 Remember the 99 Vikings?

Speaker 9 The 99?

Speaker 4 Yeah. Playoffs 99.
After 98. Yeah.

Speaker 4 I saw a video about that team. That team was good, man.
They should have won it.

Speaker 9 Well, yeah, that was horrible. Well, the 98 season was a fucking disaster.

Speaker 4 The 15 and one team.

Speaker 9 Yeah, that was probably the worst.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 9 The worst thing ever. Then we lost at home

Speaker 9 to Atlanta.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Gary Anderson hadn't missed a kick all year.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Morton Anderson.
He nailed it.

Speaker 9 Yeah, that's probably, I can't imagine that's not the worst moment, I mean, in Minnesota history. No.

Speaker 4 That was a nightmare.

Speaker 9 It was one of those things where... where it was almost too good, where it just didn't even, it was cartoonish how we were beating people.
And it was

Speaker 9 that just set the

Speaker 9 precedent of just heartbreak and vomit awful feelings for a long time.

Speaker 4 But you guys had Randy Moss and Chris Carter. That's pretty cool.
That's pretty, yeah, that's crazy that you lost that game. Yeah,

Speaker 4 really good offensively.

Speaker 4 What about Blair Walsh?

Speaker 9 Where's the comedy part of this setup that you were talking about?

Speaker 4 Well, you know, you made it what you wanted.

Speaker 4 It seemed like you wanted to joke around. You guys made a face.
Okay, all right. Let's see.

Speaker 9 I made a face and you read into the face.

Speaker 4 Okay, first couple of things. Wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 9 I will say

Speaker 9 Blair Walsh, God bless Blair Walsh. He's a sweet, sweet dude.
And I definitely lost my mind about that.

Speaker 9 And it was kind of understandable, but, you know, that's when I digress from kind of, you know, going after players and being so mad. But,

Speaker 9 you know, when you're missing extra points on the regular, it just got to be like, okay, let's just, like, just cut the guy. Like, this is insane.

Speaker 9 But I do, you know i i i digress from shitting on athletes because i know it's hard as fuck and you know i'm hammered at a bar and so fuck me have you uh have you ever broken a tv over the vikings no i have not broken a television set but i have come pretty close there's times where i should not have been in public okay yes where i would get obliterated if i couldn't go to a game if i was stuck in LA, I would go out.

Speaker 9 And a lot of the times I was just like, I just shouldn't be out. Right.
That's That's just, I've cried in public.

Speaker 9 I've cried at bars.

Speaker 4 That's the most manly thing you can do is cry in public over a football game. Yeah.
I've done that a couple of times.

Speaker 9 I wept openly when Blair Walsh missed the 27-yard field goal against Seattle, and we didn't go to the playoffs. And I walked out of the bar and just started crying.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you were so drunk. That was the playoffs.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Yeah, Bud Grant walked out on the field before the game.
It was like negative 20. That's how much I think every game is the playoff game.
Yeah, that's how much I think.

Speaker 4 Every game is a playoff game. All right, so that's some comedy right there.
You cried over football. I like that.

Speaker 4 So I want to go back to your youth real quick because there's some stuff on Wikipedia about it that you've probably been asked about a million times, but it says that you got expelled four times in school.

Speaker 4 That doesn't really seem like an expulsion.

Speaker 4 if they do it for if they let you back three times and keep kicking you out you just got to spend it a lot it shouldn't be there was talk of expulsion it was kind of like okay

Speaker 9 this is getting ridiculous and i'm like i know right

Speaker 9 this is ridiculous i'll just i won't do that again uh-huh and then it would be a different thing and they're like what is going on i'm like i don't it's weird right i i didn't even know let's just you know and i somehow i talked my way out of it but

Speaker 9 It also just was centered around drugs.

Speaker 9 Like the main one where I, it was really bad was i smoked a blunt in school during school inside school i was arrested and had to go to court ordered rehab oh you went to rehab for pot yeah i had to go to a uh a rehab thing

Speaker 9 and uh i had to take classes and it was super dumb but yeah i mean i lit up a blunt in school it was insane i me and my buddy skipped class went to the auditorium and we're like oh we'll just smoke this blunt and that's you know i i went to high school in the 90s That's when like Cypress Hill came out and everything.

Speaker 9 So we were just ripped a blunt and then it went just carried out through the auditorium and then into school. And then the cops kicked in the doors and handcuffed us.

Speaker 9 And we were walked through lunch period just reeking like weed. So it was, it was pretty awesome.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it's pretty fucking cool. It's pretty awesome.
But then you have to go to rehab and you're probably in rehab with people who are there for serious drug issues. And you're like, I smoked weed.

Speaker 9 Yeah, I was like, I smoked a blunt, and other people were like, I poured drano into my dick i'm like all right well can i leave now

Speaker 4 um i'm always curious this because you started comedy at such a young age 18 17 17 i started improv when i was 17 and then stand up when i was 19.

Speaker 4 what was the moment where you're like i'm actually good at this like this is going to be my career

Speaker 9 it was

Speaker 9 probably

Speaker 9 well when i went to rehab i had to clean up and my grades were such garbage and so i was like okay okay, I need an easy A. So I was like, oh, I'll take theater.

Speaker 9 I'm like, that's an easy A. So I took theater and then the teacher was like, you're really good.
And then we did our school play and I played a comedic role and the crowd was just laughing.

Speaker 9 And usually they would boo. They would boo everything.
It was so hard to keep their attention.

Speaker 9 So that I just remember that moment, that kind of power of an entire auditorium of high school kids and they were losing their minds laughing and i was like oh

Speaker 9 and so what that did was it basically replaced all the drugs that i was doing so i was like oh and i just got that high from that and then i became addicted to that essentially so then i started doing improv and then after high school my grades were still

Speaker 9 so i was like oh i'll try stand up and so i tried stand up and that was just it was insane and i became fully addicted

Speaker 9 fully addicted to it. And I just threw my entire life into it.
I slept in my car. I drove across the country, did any gigs I could.
I just was so focused and dialed in, and it just took over my life.

Speaker 4 I also read somewhere where you

Speaker 4 were not discouraged, but the people you're doing stand-up around in the 90s were like, it's

Speaker 4 the stand-up boom's over. There's no money in this.
And I feel like that's kind of similar to right now where people are trying to make,

Speaker 4 whether it be podcasts or whatever it may be, their own content.

Speaker 4 Like, what was the thing that kept you going when everyone's telling you dude this is not a livelihood like you can't do this anymore

Speaker 9 i mean it was really the love of doing it i mean the the comics that came up around that time just really loved doing it you know it was that that's what the driving force was i mean i didn't have this grandiose i mean i was hoping it would lead to something and you know obviously being an actor and doing bigger things but

Speaker 9 It was,

Speaker 9 it's so hard to explain stand up. I don't know.
I don't have a podcast.

Speaker 9 I don't have any of that type of stuff, but you know, anything that you really believe in are passionate about, if you, if you do that and success comes, that's great.

Speaker 9 But I mean, if you're fulfilled doing what you love,

Speaker 9 you can't really put a price on it, you know.

Speaker 4 So you were really good at stand-up and it was pretty clear that you were good at it, you enjoyed it, you were talented, and then you tried to make the transition into acting, being a stage actor.

Speaker 9 Well, luckily, I had acted before that. So I had already done theater and already done all the, all these plays and done all this stuff.

Speaker 9 So, and then I did improv and then I did stand-up. So stand-up was the last thing that I had done.

Speaker 9 And me and my buddy, who one of my best friends in high school, his name is Colton Dunn, and he's on the show Superstore on NBC. So he blew up too.
And then

Speaker 9 we used to make videos all the time in high school and we would make sketches and do all this shit. So I had already had so much of development of skill set once I had gotten into stand-up.

Speaker 9 So the transition into acting and stuff wasn't that difficult for me.

Speaker 4 Right.

Speaker 4 You had like a baseline there already. I get it.

Speaker 4 When you were writing your stand-up material, when you're performing it, what was it that got you addicted?

Speaker 4 Was it hearing the laughs in the audience, or was it like a moment that you would write something and it would make yourself laugh? And you'd be like, okay, this is funny. I like this.

Speaker 9 It was kind of both. I mean,

Speaker 9 when you have a great set in stand-up, there's just nothing like it. And especially when you're not known and you know you don't have a fan base and you just make

Speaker 9 300 random people laugh you know it's just it's it's just a feeling that's insane it's there's nothing like it and then once you get older and start doing more stuff you appreciate you know i've developed a million tv shows i've developed films i've shot you know xyz all that stuff but to be able to write a joke go on stage that night and get an immediate reaction is ridiculous.

Speaker 9 You know, there's no producer, there's nobody telling you what to do, there's nobody saying, Oh, that's not funny.

Speaker 9 There's no, it's just the most pure organic thing ever, and it's something that you know, comics we always have that outlet, you know.

Speaker 9 I mean, that's why when people go, oh, that's stand up, you know, I saw a movie with any sucked or you know, they're not a good actor.

Speaker 9 It's like, well, yeah, well, you, you know, like, it's a different skill set. I mean, to be able to make somebody laugh on stage is

Speaker 9 so unique and priceless, you know?

Speaker 4 I'm always curious when it comes to creative people, when you have something that is hilarious and objectively hilarious, but maybe doesn't get critical acclaim, does that ever discourage you at all?

Speaker 4 Like, obviously, Grandma's Boy is a hilarious movie. It wasn't a blockbuster movie.

Speaker 4 Reno 911 is, in my mind, one of the funniest shows ever that didn't get like the just deserve of being like, holy shit, this show is insanely funny.

Speaker 4 Does it ever discourage you when when it's not the crossover, like transcendent? Everyone loves it?

Speaker 9 Oh, you mean like the movie Bucky Larson that I did that got 0% on Rotten Tomatoes?

Speaker 4 I didn't say that. I didn't say that.
I was going to say Pixels, but we could go with Bucky Larson. No, but you've done such funny stuff, but sometimes it's not like, I don't know.
It's a weird.

Speaker 9 Yeah, no, I know what you're, I 100% know what you're saying.

Speaker 9 Yeah, I mean, it's discouraging, but at the end of the day, you go,

Speaker 9 you know, you did your best. And it's long, I mean, the thing that's hard is when you do something and it doesn't get the critical acclaim or

Speaker 9 box office success that allows you to keep doing stuff. So people will be like, hey, we love Grandma's Boy.
How come we didn't do any more movies like that? And it's like, well, nobody saw it.

Speaker 9 So it doesn't allow you to keep going. So, you know, it's...
That's the only tricky part. I mean, the final product is the final product.
Whatever happens, happens.

Speaker 9 When we were making Grandma's Boy, I remember very distinctly this movie is going to bomb and this is not going to make any money i just knew it but i knew it was hilarious yeah so i remember when it came out i was like oh okay and they were like yeah it tanks and i'm like yeah no

Speaker 9 you mean how do you market a movie like that and i was like when this hits dvd this is gonna

Speaker 9 explode because everybody will find it and that's essentially what happened i think they said They gave me some number back in the day of what it made on DVD sales and it was like fucking like avatar.

Speaker 4 It was like,

Speaker 4 it was ridiculous.

Speaker 9 And the guy, one of the heads of Blockbuster said it was one of their most stolen movies they've ever had.

Speaker 4 Wow, that makes sense. And I didn't want that to come across as like I was,

Speaker 4 I'm a huge fan, and those shows and that grandma's. Oh, no, no, no.
I knew exactly what you were saying.

Speaker 9 Yeah, I knew exactly what you were saying. Yeah.

Speaker 4 And Reno 911, like, I didn't take anything to that. Reno 911 should be re-watched.
Like, I'm not going to say The Office, but pretty close. Like, it should be re-watched like that.
It was that funny.

Speaker 9 Yeah, Reno was fucking amazing. They have a new season of Reno out, too.
I'm not on it, though, but they have a new season on Quibi, I think. Yeah, it's Quibi.

Speaker 4 So I read that you got a call when you were out in LA from Adam Sandler. I don't know if it was from directly, you know, from the Sandman himself or it was from his people.

Speaker 4 But when you got a call and was like, hey, he wants to talk to you, wants to meet up, talk about some projects you can work on. Were you nervous going into that meeting?

Speaker 4 Or were you like, had you heard already that Adam Sandler is the nicest person on planet Earth?

Speaker 9 I had never heard anything bad about him. It was one of those things my manager called me and it was pretty surreal to the point where I didn't even think it was real.

Speaker 9 I couldn't put my brain around it.

Speaker 4 You know what I mean?

Speaker 9 So they were like, yeah, he wants to sit down and shoot the shit. He had seen my first comedy special on Comedy Central.
So I just went in and just shot the shit with him.

Speaker 9 You know, I mean, I was obviously a fan. One of the clubs I started at New York was one of his home clubs.
So we had common ground just from that area.

Speaker 9 But yeah, it was just, I just talked to him like a regular dude, you know, and he's just such a normal guy.

Speaker 9 So that's why we've always hit it off is because at the end of the day, we're not assholes, you know, so it was like just guys talking chop.

Speaker 9 And then he was like, we have this script, Grandma's Boy, because he knew I was a writer. I had written the movie Malibu's Most Wanted was the first screenplay I had done.

Speaker 9 And he was like, will you look at this script and make it rated R and crazy?

Speaker 9 Cause it was a broad pg13 romantic comedy that's what grandma's boy was and he goes make it insane write yourself in the movie whatever part you want and just make it insane and i was like all right and then i sat down with alan covert and went over a draft and he was like yeah fuck yeah this is great did you write the uh the scene where the guy accidentally nuts on the lady that walks in the bathroom I can't remember if I wrote that.

Speaker 4 Because I feel like that's a really easy way. If somebody is like, hey, I've got this script.
Can we punch it up? We just need to push it over the edge into making it R.

Speaker 4 It's like, yeah, you're going to nut accidentally on your best friend's mom.

Speaker 9 I can't remember if that was mine or not, but I did bring in

Speaker 9 like all the robot guy and the monkey and the lion and the race car bed.

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 9 I mean, almost.

Speaker 9 all the dialogue. I mean, the robot guy was the trickiest.
I conceived that whole character and people are like, what is this? I'm like, he's like, thinks he's a robot.

Speaker 9 So he goes into like a split personality. And they're like, What the fuck?

Speaker 9 So, I was the only one that knew how to do it.

Speaker 9 So, when we were auditioning actors, you know, we would see who would understand what it was, and then I would have to, you know, kind of coach him and be like, No, it's like this, and then goes back to talking normal.

Speaker 4 Well, what's crazy is I feel like Elon Musk is not far away from that character right now.

Speaker 4 Like, you wrote Elon Musk into existence.

Speaker 7 Yep, I created him.

Speaker 4 You created him. Um, all right,

Speaker 9 foundation of Tesla.

Speaker 4 Everyone's got to check out The Wrong Missy, May 13th, out on Netflix. We have one last question, I think.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 Well, you probably heard about it already because you are good friends with The Sandman. I don't know if you noticed, but we call him The Sandman because we're good friends with him already as well.

Speaker 4 What's your schedule look like? Are you open to being pitched a movie?

Speaker 4 Yeah. Okay, so there's a dog.
You had no choice. You had no choice.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have no choice.
I'll frame it to you this way. You know how King Leary got written by Shakespeare during

Speaker 4 the plague? He's leaving. He's come back, come back, come back, come back.
Adam Sandler, David Spade, Zach Efron, they're all in it. Elevator pitch.
I swear to God, we've interviewed all

Speaker 4 Dan Patrick. They're all in it.
They're signed on loosely attached. Yeah.
Tofer Grace, loosely attached. It's about a dog, a sled dog, that has a boner, and he gets lost in the woods.

Speaker 4 And he uses, it's called boner dogs. And he's

Speaker 4 uses the trail from his boner to get back, like a Hansel and Gretel meets Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer type situation. He's got this boner, and the irony is he can't fuck.

Speaker 4 He's neutered, but he has a boner, so everyone makes fun of him. Oh, you look at your little red lipstick going around everywhere, but it's actually the boner

Speaker 4 because he's neutered, they cut his balls off. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Also, he's asexual. But he has a boner, though.

Speaker 9 Can he put his boner and he just can't nut?

Speaker 4 Couldn't figure out a way to get the dogs to give consent to each other either.

Speaker 4 What's crazy is he's a really good wrestler and he loves wrestling, but nobody will wrestle with him because obviously he's got this boner all the time.

Speaker 4 So they don't play with him, and it's really sad. But then it turns out that he saves the entire, what do you call a colony of dogs? A pack of dogs.

Speaker 4 He saves the entire pack of dogs because of the boner that drags through the snow. We actually featuring Will Farrell, Adam Sandler, the boner leaves a trail of dragging through the snow.

Speaker 4 That's the spread problem. It's canceled and Gretel meets Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer.

Speaker 9 Is there a scene where his boner gets frostbite and they might have to cut it off?

Speaker 4 Sure, they're getting his room right there. They just punch it up.
Now it's an R.

Speaker 9 And then David Spade has to warm it up with his mouth and save it.

Speaker 4 Yes. He gives mouth to mouth to the boner.
We've actually given away a lot of parts, including Adam Sandler to be the producer.

Speaker 4 I don't fuck am I.

Speaker 4 I don't think we've given away

Speaker 4 the voice of the boner. We have not.

Speaker 4 You would be great to be the boner. Also, have you ever been Adam's boss on a project?

Speaker 4 Not no, not technically.

Speaker 4 Would you like to be Adam's boss? You can't fund it? You can be his boss. You can be executive producer.
He's just fucking funded? Yeah, you got to fund it, but you get to to be his boss.

Speaker 9 We would have to play some real shenanigans to trick him into doing that.

Speaker 4 Oh, no, we've already talked to him. We literally have talked to him.
He's in. Him and KG are both.

Speaker 4 He said that if Uncut Gems doesn't win an Oscar or doesn't get nominated, he's going to make the worst movie ever. Well, we came along and we're like, hey, dude, we got it.
Bono Knights. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Opportunity meets preparation. Perfect moment in time together.
Also, it's going to be an animated short, and we're doing all the voiceovers on the island island that they made Firefest on.

Speaker 4 So, you get to go to the Bahamas.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 9 That is a little side treat you just dropped in right at the end.

Speaker 4 So, is this a yes that we can put your name on the poster?

Speaker 4 Yes. Okay.
Done. Done.
I think that's actually the first yes. No, Zach Efron and Efron are the only two that have told us that they're in for us to use their name.
And the other pitch is other people.

Speaker 4 We forgot to put Zach Efron's name on the poster when we made the initial poster.

Speaker 4 We've basically just been pitching this movie for the last three years, trying to get people to verbally commit so then we can attach them to it to go up the ladder.

Speaker 9 I see.

Speaker 9 I see how this plays out. Who's next on your list?

Speaker 4 Well, I was about to ask you. So this great.

Speaker 4 This opportunity we have for you is if you can now find two more people to be in it, then you get a cut of their salary too. Correct.
And then if they find two more people.

Speaker 4 Your two most famous friends.

Speaker 4 Get them attached, and then we will give you producing credit.

Speaker 9 Okay, I'm intrigued.

Speaker 4 All right. Perfect.
You're done. You're in.

Speaker 9 Oh, also, I'm going to just, I don't know why, I'm going to plug Bucky Larson because it got a 0% run in tomatoes. So that was a project.
That is a glaring example of a project that I love.

Speaker 9 I think it's fucking amazing. And it got the worst reviews ever.
And people are like, that movie sucks. I'm like, did you see it? And they're like, no.

Speaker 4 And I'm like, well, you can't just say that.

Speaker 9 So I stand by that movie. So while you're in quarantine, it's a hard R.
It might even, it's like hard. The hardest R,

Speaker 9 it's hard

Speaker 4 all right yeah go watch bucky i tell you what go watch bucky larson review it on rotten tomatoes and let's see if we can get it up to one percent yeah

Speaker 4 that would be nice thank you yes perfect and now let's hope we have a football season it'll happen yes yes uh nick thank you so much we really appreciate it everyone go watch the wrong missy on netflix thanks man yeah cheers guys good to talk to you thanks

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Speaker 4 And now, Coron Butler. Now for something completely different.

Speaker 4 Okay, we now welcome on NBA champion,

Speaker 4 14-year career. It is Karon Butler, aka Tough Juice.
You can listen to his podcast, The Tough Juice Podcast, with Karon Butler. Thank you for joining us.
And

Speaker 4 since we are living in these weird times, I thought the best place to start is, I'm curious from your perspective, if you were still playing in the league right now

Speaker 4 and Adam Silver called you up and said, hey, we're going to go live in a bubble or live in a hotel and play the rest of the season, would you do it? Would you leave your family?

Speaker 9 Yeah, I mean, when you look at the observation of that, you could take two perspectives from it or even multiple perspectives. But the way that I look at it is that

Speaker 9 they're going to go through all the due diligence to make sure that everyone is safe.

Speaker 9 So to be in a bubble, but to be doing something that you love, I know everybody's antsy to get back to some sense of normal.

Speaker 9 So, you know,

Speaker 9 I would be open to it. And then you also got to look at the financial situation.
One, if it's safe and it's a healthy environment, that's great. Two,

Speaker 9 being able to forfeit that time away from your family after we're coming off 50 days and counting being with them. in a controlled environment.

Speaker 9 I mean, I think it's like the yin and the yang, like it's a give-take situation and it's something that you have to be open to.

Speaker 4 Yeah. So your podcast is called Tough Juice.
It's your nickname.

Speaker 4 It's a great nickname. That nickname kicks ass.
Tough juice is, I mean, it's unique. It kind of lets people know, hey, this is not a guy to be fucked with.
How did you get the nickname Tough Juice?

Speaker 9 It's so crazy, bro, because in the course of my career, I always... played through injuries and, you know, whatever lingering shit that was happening or going on.

Speaker 9 And I remember one time, I think that I was supposed to be out for three to five weeks or whatever with an injury. And I show up to shoot around and

Speaker 9 I'm walking through and Coach Eddie Jordan with the Washington Wizards at the time, he was like, you playing? And I was like, yeah, yeah, I'm playing. He was like, damn, I thought you was out.

Speaker 9 I was like, no, he was like, man, you want tough motherfucker. And that's the name that's kind of stuck from there.
He was like, I'm going to call you Tough Juice.

Speaker 9 So Coach Eddie Jordan gave me the name. And I knew it was real when I'm playing in the game versus the Boston Celtics, the big three, Ray Allen, Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett.

Speaker 9 And he was like, damn, Tough Juice. I filed KG and he was like, damn, tough Juice.
And it just kind of stuck. I was like, damn, it's a household name.
So let's stick with it. I like it.

Speaker 4 Yeah, those Wizards teams, there were a couple of years there where they were actually sneaky good, like a really fun team.

Speaker 4 And you guys had some battles against the Cavaliers early on in LeBron's career in the playoffs there.

Speaker 4 I actually think that if you and Gilbert were both healthy in 2007, that could have been the year that you took him out of the playoffs.

Speaker 4 But going up against him, when he was, I guess, was he a rookie or I guess his

Speaker 4 second year,

Speaker 4 was there something about him in the playoffs when you were going up against him? You were like, this guy is going to truly be great.

Speaker 4 He's going to fulfill, you know, everything that people have written about him?

Speaker 9 You know what, bro? That's a great question. People always say,

Speaker 9 did you know or whatever the case may be? I'm like, yo, all I knew is that whatever it is, he had it.

Speaker 9 We like to use the term as professional athletes, you know, because

Speaker 9 if you make it to that level of being a professional athlete, everybody's like, oh man, you special. But we were all special, but he was different.
And he was part of that different cloth.

Speaker 9 And LeBron was just, I remember the first time I was like, maybe, maybe the moment is too big for him. Maybe he'll shit his pants or something.
That was not the case. He just answered every call.

Speaker 9 So, you know, our schemes varied every year. The first year that we played against them was like, fuck it, make him a passer.
We found out that he could really pass.

Speaker 9 Then the second year, it was like, all right, make him score. We found out he could really score.

Speaker 9 And it was like, all right, make him do all the other things, like, force him to his left hand, force him. He did that well, too.
So we found out that he was a complete basketball player.

Speaker 9 And I think a lot of people in the association,

Speaker 9 he put a lot of people on notice because he's a hell of a talent.

Speaker 4 So speaking of those Wizards team, you were front row for the famous Kilbert Arenas gun incident. Would you say that was the overreaction of

Speaker 4 the century? How would you classify that?

Speaker 9 You know,

Speaker 9 initially,

Speaker 9 I spoke on the gun incident and, you know,

Speaker 9 it was a misfortunate situation for one, Javaris, and then also Gilbert as well. And, you know, when I found out how impactful it was on my brother Gilbert and what.

Speaker 9 what it did to him, you know, from his career standpoint, I told him, you know, me personally, I wasn't going to speak on the shit no more.

Speaker 9 I was like, man, this, you know, it's your story to tell, you know, and I don't feel comfortable if you're not comfortable with somebody else, you know, steering your narrative or putting that out there.

Speaker 9 So, you know, I agreed upon just, you know, leaving it alone, letting him tell the story the way he sees fit, him and Javaris, and, you know, let them tell their truth one day, you know.

Speaker 9 But it was, it was this, it was super unfortunate. I think that whenever people have shit happen in their life, I'm here talking to you because I got a second chance, right?

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 9 I'm hosting shows and I'm doing some magnificent things in my life because somebody said, you know what, the shit that he did before, you know, he paid his debt to society.

Speaker 9 Let's give him a fresh start.

Speaker 9 And I hope that at some point, you know, we remember Gilbert as, you know, the great talent, which he was, because when you talk about basketball and prolific scoring, you cannot tell the story of basketball without mentioning.

Speaker 9 Agent Zero. So I hope that that get glorified a little more than one of his mishaps.

Speaker 4 That's a great point. It's a great lesson learned.
So I'll give you an easier question, something a little different.

Speaker 4 When was the last time you had some Mountain Dew?

Speaker 9 I don't fuck with that no more, bro.

Speaker 4 Like, you're an addict. You're a full-blown addict.

Speaker 9 Man, I was a full-blown addict, man, with the Mountain Dews, bro. Like, I went through like withdrawals with that shit.
Like, seriously, people don't understand. Like,

Speaker 9 I used to have a leader

Speaker 4 just in my locker, like, cold as hell, fucking ice.

Speaker 9 Yo, that was the rookie Hazen. Like I used to send the rookies, I'd be like, yo, give me 20 straws, handful of straws, and a Mountain Dew.
They'd be like, a Mountain Dew? I'm like, yes.

Speaker 9 Go give me a fucking Mountain Dew and watch me score 20.

Speaker 4 Like, what the hell?

Speaker 4 I'm on a belly full of Mountain Dew.

Speaker 4 You ever fuck with like Code Red or Live Wire or was it always just straight up Mountain Dew?

Speaker 9 Straight up Mountain Dew. Like that, look.
Shout out to Code Red and all the other shit, but

Speaker 9 the regular Mountain Dew did it for me. I don't know why I wasn't like a mascot for them or some shit because,

Speaker 9 bro, I was a Mountain Dew addict and I had some of my best seasons drinking that shit.

Speaker 4 They should have made a flavor called Mountain Dew Tough Juice. Yeah, would you drink a full liter before you play the game, bro?

Speaker 9 So, sometimes I would drink like half a liter, or if I had a two-liter, I'd drink it halfway, right?

Speaker 9 And then I'll have like the ball boys, an equipment guy, bring the Mountain Dew and Gatorade cups because it looks like Gatorade. So, I would have them have cups in a straw in back of the bench.

Speaker 9 Third quarter comes, bam, Mountain Dew, no cramps.

Speaker 4 Then

Speaker 9 fourth quarter come, bam, Mountain Dew, get buckets.

Speaker 4 I hit game winners because of that shit, man. That's so you need to actually be graded.
Your entire career needs to be graded on a curve.

Speaker 4 Like, let's add a couple more all-star games and another title because you were fucking drinking

Speaker 4 caffeinated

Speaker 4 bubbles while you're playing a game. Like, I can't.

Speaker 4 I mean, I drank Mountain Dew before we did a three-point contest and I only got 100 points. So like it definitely has an effect on me.

Speaker 4 You mentioned something interesting right there. You were talking about like go out and get me some Mountain Dew.
Also bring me 20 straws. You had a straw addiction for a long time.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 You used to just, you used to go through what, 20 straws a game?

Speaker 9 Easy. I used to get, I get, I used to get fined for that shit.
Like the NBA start fining me for chewing straws. It's like, it's part of one of the weirdest bands in sports history.

Speaker 9 I cannot have a straw in my mouth. And the reason why I start chewing straws is because, you know, my pops, my grandfather, he used to fix cars.
He's always have a toothpick in his mouth.

Speaker 9 And I used to saw, I used to see him with a toothpick in his mouth fixing the cars.

Speaker 9 And I was like, damn, okay, I can't play with a toothpick, but a straw I can hide, you know, so I chewed it a little bit. And then I started playing with something in my mouth all the time.

Speaker 9 And I was just balling. And it was like, it helped me with my nerves.
Like, you know, I didn't have no anxiety on the court. And, you know, I had some of my best games.
And it just kind of became,

Speaker 9 as all sports athletes know this, or even entertainers or anybody walk of life. You get a routine and you stick to your ritual.

Speaker 9 And I had a routine where I wear my straw, wear my shot of Mountain Dew, wear this, and then I went out and I put in work.

Speaker 4 Straws are delicious. Straws are delicious.
Is there a difference? Like, if you were to power rank straws, do McDonald's straws slap different than a Burger King straw or Wendy straw?

Speaker 9 Yeah, man, the McDonald's straws was different. Like, I felt like the 7-Elevens or the big gulps and,

Speaker 9 you know, Burger King straws and all that stuff, like the texture was different. Like, they had like a, it was like a flavor, like some of the

Speaker 9 texture, like you can taste it. Yeah, I was like, damn, like, it's like, it almost feels like it's toxic, like you, like you're killing yourself if you chew it on them too long.

Speaker 4 Because the flavoring, I got my taste palette is different.

Speaker 9 I have a fire and taste for wine.

Speaker 4 Yeah, so like

Speaker 9 the straws was the same way, bro. I'm telling you, this shit almost killed me.

Speaker 4 So, are you off straws and off Mountain Dew?

Speaker 9 I still chew straws here and there.

Speaker 4 All right, yeah, man, it's got to have a vice. Uh-huh.
Yeah, man. No doubt.
I agree with that because the Wendy's straws, they're too big, they're too wide.

Speaker 4 And the McDonald's straws just look cool, they look swaggy. They've got that red stripe and the yellow line on it.
Yes, yeah, that's a champagne of straws.

Speaker 4 Yeah, um, this might be a random question because you probably don't get asked a lot, but it's my favorite clip that I use all the time. It's the famous Jim Calhoun I Fucked Up rant.

Speaker 4 When he said that, were you like, I fucking love this guy for life? I mean, you probably loved him anyway beforehand, but I fucking love that clip so much. See, I fucked up.

Speaker 4 I took Karon Butler and a Mecca Ogleford. They're not bad.

Speaker 9 Yo, I said, after that I saw that clip, I said, man, he's such a G. Like, Jim Calhoun, just a G, man.
He, like, he kept straight up and down, like, this funky with it. Like, he was like, look.

Speaker 9 Y'all gonna fault me for taking Coron Butler, who's a fucking lottery pig and a Mecca Ogleford, like over a player that has had like a good, and Ryan Gones was a former teammate of mine, but like,

Speaker 9 come on, man, like the comparisons was just different. And, you know, he's a hell of a player, but come on, man, you can't, you can't fault him for the selections that he made.

Speaker 9 Like, they walked away with championships because of that. And, you know, Elite Eights and Biggies titles.
And, you know, we had lucrative careers and stuff like that.

Speaker 9 So shout out to Jim Calhoun for standing his ground and checking whatever hell the reporter was that asked him that question in that moment.

Speaker 4 I love that. I love that rant so much.
What was it like the recruiting process when Jim Calhoun came and visited you and said, I want you to come to UConn?

Speaker 9 Yo, it was crazy because I was not coming to Connecticut. I already committed to UNLV.
You know, my prep school coach, Max Goode, and Bill Baino had joined forces there.

Speaker 9 And before my prep year at MCI, My prep school coach had left. So immediately people thought because he was my coach, I was following, which I was.
And I signed, I was about to sign a letter of 10.

Speaker 9 I verbally committed. And Jim Calhoun came.

Speaker 9 I got to tell you, no one ever asked me this. Jim Calhoun came to the block.
He came to the hood. Like he came out to race scene where like I got into a lot of shit at.

Speaker 9 And he sat down and talked to my family. And I'm going to tell you, the decision wasn't even mine no more.
Like my grandma and my mom's just like, yo, ass going with him.

Speaker 9 Like he, I like him like he's what you need and that's where you're going and i i bought into it because before all this social media stuff espn plus stores connecticut bristol that was the hug for basketball so whatever whatever you did on the campus of uconn that was being seen on a national level so i saw richard hamilton i saw donnie marshall ray allen i was like yo i need to be part of that fabric and that culture yeah also keeping you out of las vegas your grandma was probably like yeah i would rather have you go live in Connecticut than live down on the street.

Speaker 4 Yeah, he's too young for all that shit.

Speaker 9 We're not going to throw him in the fire.

Speaker 4 Yes. Exactly.
Yeah. So you go to Yukon.

Speaker 4 I've always wondered about playing in the Big East tournament because at times, I know this seems like a wild take, but the NCAA tournament can feel almost anticlimactic if you're a huge Big East fan and you watch a great Big East tournament.

Speaker 9 Was it tough to get back up and to get your energy going after playing all those games madison square garden and then turning around and having to play again in a bigger tournament later it's so crazy that's a great question no one ever asked that thank you thank you i'm gonna tell you what it's like and people out here know what i'm talking about if your kids play in like these club teams or the traveling circuit like au basketball is just that you may go to a city respectfully for a weekend right and you may arrive there on a friday you got a late night game pool play and then you're playing back to back to back to back to back.

Speaker 9 Every hour and a half to two hours, you're playing basketball games. So that's equivalent to three or four games a day.
So we got accustomed to being accustomed.

Speaker 9 So like the Big East was like just, you know, shit, we was creatures of habit. We got accustomed to that flow, and it didn't bother us.

Speaker 9 And then when you're trying to compete for a title, I mean, whether your body hurt or whatever the case may be, all you see is what your goal is and what your eyes are set on.

Speaker 9 And we was on a mission and we try to stay true to that mission in the midst of that, all that, you know, battling in the big East.

Speaker 4 All right, I know you got to go because you got something you got to host, but I have one last question for you.

Speaker 4 What happened with the hair on TV?

Speaker 4 You just didn't learn your lesson from Carlos Boozer, and you showed up one day to TV with fake hair.

Speaker 9 No, Booze, that's my guy, but he painted his shit.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I know.

Speaker 4 I don't know what you put, you astro-turfed yours.

Speaker 9 Yo, so they was doing in studios. I don't know, a lot of people understand like Turner Studio is like a huge family.
And they had a hub of, you know, Grant Hill, Shaquille O'Neal, all these guys.

Speaker 9 And Grant Hill was doing a video or commercial rather with, I think, Phila. And he was playing against his former, his younger self.
So they put the box on him, the old dupe box, the high top.

Speaker 9 And I saw that. I was like, yo, that shit is ill.
I was like, yo, can I, can somebody do that to me? They were like, yeah, you know, we put the piece on. Boom.

Speaker 9 And I was like, I'm wearing that shit on television.

Speaker 9 You are not wearing that on television. I was like, watch.
And prior, just the day before, I had a complete ball head.

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 9 This is why it was so crazy. So I called my wife.
I said, turn on television. I said, watch me on NBA television.
I'm about to go live.

Speaker 9 She turns on.

Speaker 9 And lo and behold, I had a head full of hair. And that shit just went viral quick.
People was like, yo, what is going on? Now, this is my real hair right here.

Speaker 4 Just so people know I can grow my shit. Yeah.

Speaker 9 I just can't grow it like a chia pet.

Speaker 4 I can't grow it in one day. It was a hilarious picture.
That actually makes sense. That explanation makes perfect sense.
Did she like it or was she like, what the fuck is on your head?

Speaker 9 Combination of both. What the fuck? But he kind of looked okay.

Speaker 9 Yo, he looked like a younger you. Okay, I'm vibing.
But like, I did it. I did it just for that, just to get a reaction to see was people really watching.

Speaker 9 I was like, damn, like a lot of people was watching the show. And if they wasn't, they start watching because this fool just popped up with some damn hair.

Speaker 4 Yeah, yeah. All right, I know you got to go.
Do you have to go? I think you do. Yeah, I do.
I do. Okay.
All right. Well, this has been so awesome.
Thank you so much, Coron.

Speaker 4 We really appreciate the time, man. And let's do this again.

Speaker 9 Yep, most definitely, bro. We got to do this again, man.
I got to give y'all some more time. I'm hosting the NBA virtual roundtable, man.

Speaker 9 We're talking about mass incarceration and people behind bars, you you know, with the COVID outbreak. So it's a lot of stuff happening.

Speaker 9 And, you know, that's something passionate to my heart because I was incarcerated. I got family members that's still in the struggle right now.

Speaker 9 And, you know, clearly on the outs, you know, a lot of people are not getting forgotten about. They're getting resources, but people behind bars aren't getting the resources that they need.

Speaker 9 So we're just trying to bring awareness to that.

Speaker 4 That's awesome. That's great.
That's awesome. Good luck with that.
Yeah. Hope you help a lot of people.
Yeah. Thanks, man.

Speaker 9 Appreciate it. See you, man.

Speaker 6 The Pro Football Football Show is presented by the Chevy Silverado. Built for the hustle, ready for the game, Chevy Silverado is America's most dependable full-size truck.

Speaker 6 Whether you're grinding through the week or gearing up for kickoff, the Silverado is one ride that's always game ready. Just like football, it's about grit, grind, and getting it done.

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Speaker 4 Okay, let's get some segments.

Speaker 4 First up, we have Embrace Debate. Then we're going to do our Mount Flushmore.
Embrace debate. What was the actual debate we were going to have? So this came from Mark A.
on Twitter.

Speaker 4 Kind of spurred this in our brains. He wants to know what has a greater impact on wanting to play that sport.
The last dance makes you want to go shoot hoops. Watch the Masters.

Speaker 4 Makes you want to go outside and hit golf balls. So

Speaker 4 let's do an all-encompassing Embrace Debate amongst all sports. When you watch a certain sport on TV, which is the one that makes you want to go out and then play that sport? Well,

Speaker 4 there's a couple things here, too, because

Speaker 4 I think we can all agree no matter what if you watch a sport you immediately want to go play the video game that's first and foremost like when the world cup happens i play fifa without a doubt yeah i was actually gonna say like watching the world cup makes me want to go outside and just kick a soccer ball

Speaker 4 but i do want to play fifa uh easy number one for me snow football makes you want to go outside and play snow football uh that's a good one i would say my number one would be uh march madness always makes me want to go play hoops whenever march madness when you get like the upsets, just those four days of seeing basketball in your face and like, you know, guys that are maybe not the greatest because not the NBA, you're like, fuck, I want to go play some hoops and relive, you know, Valpo and all this shit.

Speaker 4 Well, and also because the first day after that weekend, you know, it's a Monday, so you go into the office, you know, there's no basketball on that night, you're going through withdrawals, so you might as well just invite your buddies out to go shoot.

Speaker 4 It's something about March Madness makes basketball more romantic. So you just want to go play it.

Speaker 4 What about you? Hank, you got one?

Speaker 7 I mean, mean, golf is the number one answer.

Speaker 4 You do? Yeah.

Speaker 4 Is it the Masters? Because for me, I'm more likely to go to the driving range after the Ryder Cup.

Speaker 7 Anytime I watch golf, which isn't that often, so if I'm going to take an hour and watch golf, like you can, you better believe the next 24 hours, I'm probably thinking about trying to play golf.

Speaker 7 Although in New York, it's like, do I want to take a train and go play golf? No.

Speaker 4 No.

Speaker 4 A sneaky one is Wimbledon tennis. No.

Speaker 4 Table tennis. I mean, I would go watch it, but I wouldn't.
Yeah. Oh, I wouldn't go watch tennis.
I wouldn't play it. I'd go to to Wimbledon.
I would go to Wimbledon. Wimbledon's the only place I'd go.

Speaker 4 Maybe I'd go to New York and dip the chicken in the Coke. What? I'd be too loud for it for Wimbledon.
I'd just be screaming. Yeah, I would love Wimbledon.

Speaker 4 I'd eat those strawberries and cream, dressing all white, definitely get a stain on myself. That is instantly.
That is the worst. I'd be the good for me to wear to a sporting event.

Speaker 4 I'm a mustard stain from the soft pretzel right away. I don't even know if they have soft pretzels.
They probably don't have soft pretzels. They probably have mustard, though.
Grey Poupon.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you guys see that?

Speaker 7 Did you guys see that clip of Spike Ball? The four kids playing Spike Ball. That, I haven't played Spike Ball in two years.
I've been thinking about Spike Ball a lot.

Speaker 7 So that's a prime example of, like, since I saw that clip, I've been like, damn, like, I wish I could go out and play Spike Ball.

Speaker 4 Sneaky one, bowling. If you see any bowling, you're like, damn, I forgot how much fun bowling is.
Because it's also not hard. So, I mean, it's hard, but it's not hard to play it.

Speaker 4 So I feel like when you see bowling, you're like, yeah, let's go bowl. Darts on TV is the same way.
Darts, yep.

Speaker 4 Pool. Billiards on TV makes you want to go to the table.
I suck so bad at pool. I just, that's one of those ones where I don't even try.
Home run.

Speaker 4 Well, the problem with pool is if you're average at pool, you actually suck at pool. Because if anyone spends any time on a table, they're amazing.

Speaker 4 And you look like a chump and you feel like you're wasting everybody's time. It's rare, though, like darts I love.

Speaker 4 Shuffleboard, if we're playing bubble hockey, like all these type of things, you can play at a bar. But the minute someone's like, you want to play some pool? I'm just like, I'll sit out.

Speaker 4 I'll just drink. I'd say the number one sport that makes people be like, man, you know what? I'm going to try that sport.
And then they never get around to doing it is curling. Curling.

Speaker 4 Every Olympics is like, I'm going to get into curling. Curling always

Speaker 4 did come up. Yeah, and then you realize it's just nerds like all fuckhead Pete.

Speaker 4 All right, let's do our Mount Flushmore. Mount Flushmore of cars.
Mount Flushmore of cars. We ready? I'm ready.
All right. All right.
PMT.

Speaker 4 Right off the bat, PT Cruiser. Yep.
PT Cruiser. Easy.
Bad car. Easy.
Bad car. Really bad car.
Michael Scott drives one, which is very, very funny. It's Britney Bitch.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 4 I'll go. I actually thought...
So I thought you were going to go PT Cruiser or this one. And this one has had two bad iterations.

Speaker 4 The

Speaker 4 wait,

Speaker 4 is it...

Speaker 4 Fuck, now I can't even remember the name. Is it a.

Speaker 4 Oh.

Speaker 4 It is the

Speaker 4 bug or the beetle? Which one is it? The bug. The bug.

Speaker 4 Two bad iterations. One, it was Hitler's car.
Two, when they brought it back and everyone's like, this is cool. And it's like, no, it's not.
I think the new one is the Beetle. The old one is the bug.

Speaker 4 Whatever the fucking bubble top Volkswagen car is, lame. Remember, it had a big come-up in like the early 2000s? Yep.
And people were buying it and like, this is so cool. It had a flower pot in it.

Speaker 4 Yes. Yeah.
Lame.

Speaker 4 Sucks. Also, way too small.
I would say.

Speaker 4 There's something kind of cool about the old punch buggies. The Hitler ones? Not the one that he drove.
All right.

Speaker 7 My number one, I'll go with a Fiat.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 7 And my number two, I will go with

Speaker 7 it's one very specific Mustang, but like the most generic Mustang.

Speaker 4 Mustangs?

Speaker 7 No, no, no, no. But like the.
I guess I got to find it. No, not Mustang.
Dodge Charger.

Speaker 4 Oh, okay. That was a pretty special.
That's good. That's good.
I like the Charger. Yeah.

Speaker 4 No, I have a similar car on that, so I can't hate on that.

Speaker 7 I think I would enjoy driving it, but I think it's just more when I see people driving them. I usually don't like it.

Speaker 4 You've driven or seen a Fiat? Yeah. okay um

Speaker 4 all right I'll go with my next one I'll go with the original Hummer when they had the Hummer out and it was the ultimate small dick energy car because if you've ever been an original Hummer they literally were like the original Hummers.

Speaker 4 They were not comfortable cars. They were terrible cars, gas guzzlers, all that shit.
And you basically just bought one to tell everyone that you're a badass, which actually means you're not a badass.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it was a tactical car that you get. Here's a little fun tip.
You're driving around fucking eight miles per gallon. If you're lucky.
Here's a fun tip about Hummers.

Speaker 4 If you see a military Hummer that's parked in a city, they don't actually have ignition keys. You can just get in one and drive them away.
That's kind of sick.

Speaker 4 Yeah, so you can steal them, and the military probably won't say anything. Yeah, the original Hummers, though, that was another early 2000s when the Hummer came out and people were like,

Speaker 4 you're talking about the H2, isn't it?

Speaker 4 I know there's been, whatever, the Hummers. The Hummers as cars that people buy.
Okay.

Speaker 4 just put it down as hummer lame as fuck okay i had the h3 on here because that's like the beta beta version of the hummer it's it the h3 is like my wife compromised and said that i can buy a hummer right and this but this is the one i can park at the compact spot uh my second one is going to be the pontiac aztec okay you might remember it from breaking bad kind of made it cool is waltz car yeah did it ah it let's say this it didn't make it less cool skylar drove it sometime yeah it was a pretty it already wasn't cool it didn't have a negative effect.

Speaker 4 Yeah, when he ran over that guy that was trying to shoot Jesse. That's the coolest.

Speaker 4 Kind of cool. The Pontiac Aztec has never looked better than when it was used in vehicular manslaughter.

Speaker 4 My third one is going to be,

Speaker 4 I'm going to go with just a Prius, an old, like 1998 Toyota Prius. Do you mean the electric? Yeah,

Speaker 4 before they made it cooler, though. Come on, man.
Help the world out. Now you can.
Now that they made it look cool. All right, I'll go with the Nissan Cube.
Those cars are hideous.

Speaker 4 That's a pretty bad car. Actual Cube.
Yeah. Like, why would anyone buy that? Wait, is that the one that had the hamsters and gerbils riding around them and like it was Richard Gears?

Speaker 4 It's basically the same thing. It's the weirdest car that you're like, I'm going to go spend my hard-earned money on this.
Yeah, the Nissan Cube was somehow a worse-looking version of that Scion Cube.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Just a terrible car.

Speaker 7 My last two, I will go with

Speaker 4 a Subaru.

Speaker 4 In general.

Speaker 7 It's what makes a Subaru a Subaru.

Speaker 4 Just in general. Yeah, just like

Speaker 4 black cards.

Speaker 7 It's one of those things where I understand, like, it's like, I just never, as a kid, before you understand financial stuff, you're just like looking at cards, you're like, Subaru, bleh.

Speaker 4 Just a bleh car? Yeah, just bleh. What about the outback? When it was the Australian guy who was in the advertisement, he was like, Subaru Outback World's first sport utility wagon.

Speaker 7 Well, the song What Makes a Subaru a Subaru is a banger.

Speaker 7 I don't know if that was a regional thing or if that was all commercials, but it slapped.

Speaker 4 Liam knows what I'm talking about. Subaru's regional.
Subaru's have got a nice come-up, though. I feel like they had a bad rap, but

Speaker 4 maybe I haven't seen a Subaru in a long time. I don't know cars.
I think it's because you're just becoming a family guy, and you're like, Subaru is safe. Subaru, yeah.
Yeah. Like a Volvo.

Speaker 4 No one wants to drive a Volvo when they're 15 years old, but you squirt out a couple kids and you're like, I need to. It's true.
It's true.

Speaker 7 Exactly. That's what I'm saying.
I understand why people have it in these day and age. When I was was a kid, I was like,

Speaker 7 why the fuck would you ever drive a Subaru?

Speaker 4 I feel like a Subaru comes with a dog.

Speaker 4 It's like some moderately dirty border car or something like that.

Speaker 7 I'm also very concerned about my family members probably having two out of three of these cars up named.

Speaker 4 Doesn't everyone in Vermont own a Subaru?

Speaker 4 No, actually, Washington State. Washington State.
Huge car.

Speaker 4 A huge car in Washington State.

Speaker 7 And then my last one.

Speaker 4 Vermont West.

Speaker 7 Unless you live on the beach and are doing off-roading on a fairly average basis.

Speaker 4 Oh, hey, you shouldn't have a Jeep Wrangler. You're going to get get dragged for that.

Speaker 7 You shouldn't have a Jeep Wrangler.

Speaker 4 Counterpoint.

Speaker 7 If you have a Jeep Wrangler and you're not going off-roading and you're going out of your way to lift the tires and get bigger tires and do all this shit, hardo.

Speaker 4 Climb. Well, maybe you played lacrosse in high school and

Speaker 4 you want to put a badass tire cover on the back that says, if you can read this, flip me over. And then you go to Jeep Camp and you spend $5,000

Speaker 4 on somebody that tells you how to wreck your Jeep. Jeep Wranglers, though, have you ever driven a Jeep Wrangler with the top down? It's pretty awesome.

Speaker 7 Right. In the summer, they're nice.
So if you live in a beach town, but there is that element. It's one of those things where people buy them and they use it.

Speaker 7 Like a Jeep Wrangler, if you have a Jeep Wrangler in Massachusetts, it's nice like, what, 10 times, 20 times a year. You're not going off-roading.
Like,

Speaker 7 you're not getting the use out of it that you need to.

Speaker 7 You're just doing it for a status symbol.

Speaker 4 I'll agree with you in this. Jeep Wranglers are the most volatile car because when it's nice, there actually isn't any better car.
Like, there's no car I'd rather be in in 85 beautiful days.

Speaker 4 But if you had a Jeep Wrangler in New York yeah when would that happen it's also a lot of responsibility to have to wave at somebody every time you pass them and they have a Jeep top all the also the soft top that you can zip everything up yeah you ever know someone who has one they have to fucking it's it's it's like 10 hours just to get the car on the road because they're zipping all this random shit if you get caught out in the rain

Speaker 4 and still wind just coming right in your face it's still the best way to tell like your girlfriend's dad if you if you're a dad and you see uh your girlfriend's boyfriend pull up in a jeep wrangler you're not letting her go on that date.

Speaker 4 Yeah, no, you're basically saying, Hey, your daughter's gonna come suck my dick. It's Jeep Wrangler.
It's like, hey, I'm gonna finger-bang her to a Dave Matthews CD. I hope that's cool.

Speaker 4 You like my puka necklace? Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
All right, my last one. This is very specific, but it makes me so mad.

Speaker 4 I don't even know if they run these anymore, but the worst car in the world is the Enterprise Pick-Me-Up car that's wrapped in a fucking wrapping paper. It's impractical.
It drives me nuts. How? Why?

Speaker 4 Because it's a present? Yeah. No.
That's not coming packages, big ass. No.
I hate that car. Enterprise car with the wrapping paper.
Do you hate that car?

Speaker 7 If you got a car, a play car for your son, are you going to wrap it up? You're just going to be like, here you go.

Speaker 4 Here you go. The Hess truck? 100% here you go.
Would you rather have the

Speaker 4 rap car? Definitely going to have those little, like, I never had power wheels as a kid. I'm going to get him all that shit.
Power wheels are so fucking shit.

Speaker 4 Dude, he's going to have every, he's going to look like a Kardashian.

Speaker 4 The worst part about Power Wheels was going over to your friend's house that had power wheels and you're like, hey, can we play power wheels? And he's like, no, I'm sick of power wheels. I might just,

Speaker 4 you know, how you live vicariously through your children. I am going to live vicariously through my son with power wheels.
I love it. What kind of model are you going to get? Everything.

Speaker 4 Probably the Jeep. Literally everything.
The Jeep Power Wheel was fucking awesome. I'm going to be the drill tweet.
Someone help me with my finances.

Speaker 4 $100 on TV. $300 on food, $10,000 on power wheels.
He's going to be the Jay Leno of Power Wheels.

Speaker 4 My last pick is going to be...

Speaker 4 This is tricky. I'm going to go with Ford Ranger.
Ford Ranger. See, I don't know cars enough.
I don't even know what it is. It's the tiny, tiny little Ford pickup truck.
Okay.

Speaker 4 Ford Ranger. Two-door.
Two-door Ford Ranger. The only thing I would say is...
It's a beta truck. Yeah,

Speaker 4 pickup trucks in general

Speaker 4 seem very impractical because you just then have to help everyone. Right.
You're the guy who has to help everyone at Home Depot. That's the thing about a Ford Ranger.

Speaker 4 I could see it if you're getting a Silverado, if you're getting an F-150, if you're getting a bigger truck. The Ranger is good for nothing except helping your friends move.
Exactly. Yeah.
That's it.

Speaker 4 If you drive a Ranger, you're telling me, I don't have friends. I'm looking for play dates so badly that I will do your chores for you.
Yeah. No, I agree with that.
All right, what did we miss?

Speaker 4 I actually thought of this one. I didn't write it down, but it just popped in my head.
Sobs suck. Sobs are trash.
Because you're basically buying a car that's like, you can't get this fixed anywhere.

Speaker 4 You have to go go to the foreign auto shop. Saabs are bad.
Saabs suck. I would add Geo's.
Geo's. Geo tracker.

Speaker 4 The Mazda Miata. Like, dude, if you're going to buy a car,

Speaker 4 like a sports car, just go all the way.

Speaker 7 Mercedes SUVs. Like,

Speaker 7 if you got an Uber XL and it shows up as one of those big Mercedes, there's a...

Speaker 4 Oh, you know what? You don't like those? One I forgot. That's what I just said.
A Honda Civic with spoilers. Honda Civic? Yeah, SUVs.
With spoilers. Being like, look at my my race car.

Speaker 4 It's like, dude, it's a Honda Civic. I got my racing seats.
I've got my seat belt that has the pad on the middle of it. LED under hatch,

Speaker 4 whatever the fuck it's called. It's a 90-second car.
Mufflers.

Speaker 4 The white Jetta, the drug dealer car, the swag car. That's a drug dealer car? No, like a high school drug dealer.
Swag. To me, white Jetta is just your girlfriend's car.
Yeah,

Speaker 4 or a drug dealer, high school. Like, hey, this isn't expensive, but it's kind of nice, but it's not expensive, and you sell shitty wheat.

Speaker 4 I would actually say that probably 33% of part of my take listeners have either dated a girl that drives a Jeddah or bought marijuana from somebody that drives a Jeddah. Fact, fact.

Speaker 4 And it wasn't good marijuana either. No.
Any truck that's super lifted, that's a douchebag thing. Small dick energy.

Speaker 4 The Dodge Dart is a bad one, too. Again, I don't know these people.
Dodge Nitro, Dodge Dart. Oh, remember the Amigo? Oh, yeah, the Isuzu Amigo? The Amigo.
I think that actually might be a cool car.

Speaker 4 I don't know. The Amigo and the the sidekick.
Amigo, Amigo. That was the commercial.
Those are like mini, mini SUVs. Amigo, Amigo.
It's fun for a boy. No, I don't know if that is.

Speaker 4 They were hybrid power wheel SUVs. Yeah, those things, amigos.
I gotta find Amigo now. What about Toyota Yaris? I just hate the name.

Speaker 4 Yaris? Yaris. The Toyota Yaris.
Yaris. Makes me want to throw up.
Here we go.

Speaker 4 They're driving it down the fucking stairs.

Speaker 4 Amigo, Migo, Amigo. This course is from 1998.
These guys look like they're from the 70s.

Speaker 4 He's doing donuts on the beach.

Speaker 4 Is that the Zoolander car? It might be. Free gasoline accents.
Amigo, amigo.

Speaker 4 They look like power wheels. You can put them in your back pocket.

Speaker 4 All right. Let's finish up.
Guys on chicks. We did a lot of awesome interviews today, so we got some great interviews coming up.
Hank, guys on chicks.

Speaker 7 A friend got a dm for feet picks how much does she charge

Speaker 4 i guess you gotta you gotta return the last one on this was just convertibles you don't like convertibles

Speaker 4 you don't like convertibles you don't like mustangs that really hurt you don't you don't like mercedes suvs that went right at pft's heart hank just doesn't like rap channels the mustang thing it's dodge or you don't like rap music videos is what i'm hearing from you um

Speaker 4 how much do you charge for feet picks i think you have to start high just say like 500 and see if he says no and then then if he says no, okay, yeah, it's 20. That's the real price.

Speaker 4 Just wanted to check you out. Yo, if I was a hot chick, I would sell my feet picks all day.
Yeah, and if you're rich, if you're rich and you're into feet picks, you'll absolutely chill out 500.

Speaker 4 Any chicks listening to this, they want some gross-ass toes and a big toe that is way too far apart from the rest of the toes. Hit me up.

Speaker 4 One of my big toes is half dead.

Speaker 4 I've got one like you're turning purple. I got it.
Hit a boy up. That's a dad thing, too.
He's having one stub your toe off the one fucked up toe.

Speaker 7 Hey, Big Gato, LPFT, and Enrique. My older brother, 22, that my younger brother, 18, that he'll be able to dunk before the younger one has a threesome.

Speaker 7 For reference, one's 5'9 and the other is a virgin.

Speaker 4 Okay. I don't think either will happen.

Speaker 7 Why are boys so irrationally confident?

Speaker 4 How old?

Speaker 7 Give me the ages again: 22 and 18.

Speaker 4 22 threesome, 18 dunk. No, 22, dunk, 18, threesome.
18's virgin.

Speaker 7 18's virgin, 22's 5'9.

Speaker 4 I actually think the threesome is going to happen because there are a lot of weirdos that go to college and they have a threesome with their buddy. Yeah.
It's like they're buddy and a girl.

Speaker 4 No one said what the ratio has to change. Exactly.
I mean, if he does a circle jerk, you could argue

Speaker 4 he plays ookie cookie, threesome. Also, if he's just in the room when his roommate's fucking and he jerks off.
Yep. That's threesome.
I was just going to say be in the room.

Speaker 4 No, you got to come too. You also have to come.

Speaker 4 Yeah, no, you do. All three parties.
It's highly recommended. No, well, the girl's not going to come in that situation.
If she looks over and sees the guy, fake an orgasm. Yes.
You can fake an orgasm.

Speaker 7 Hey, Big Cat PFT and Healthy Hank. I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year now, and we are extremely close.

Speaker 7 As you're all well aware, quarantine is taking a toll on us, and my boyfriend has found a new way to cope gambling on the weather.

Speaker 7 It's no secret that he's gambled on sports in the past, and I've never said anything about it. But his obsession with the weather is getting out of hand.

Speaker 7 He wakes up every morning and watches the weather channel while staring at his laptop. As the day goes on, he'll frequently shout and scream at the sun, clouds, rain, anything.

Speaker 7 Every time I try and bring him up, he insists that I have no room to speak because I never had a problem with him betting on sports. What do I do?

Speaker 4 I don't know what the problem is here. I don't think that you have to say anything to him.
I think he's found a productive hobby. He's learning about science.
Yeah, I fail to see the issue.

Speaker 4 I also, though, can I just throw this out there? And you guys tell me if I'm crazy. I'm nervous that the longer sports are gone,

Speaker 4 the

Speaker 4 trickier it's going to be to reintroduce them to our lives in terms of partners.

Speaker 4 That's a valid concern. I'm very concerned because.
We're establishing a new normal right now. Right.
My normal every day is just watching sports every single night. No sports games are on.

Speaker 4 If we go long enough, that's why I try to mix in a full day of just watching horse racing on Saturdays.

Speaker 4 just to kind of

Speaker 4 keep the training wheels on like, oh yeah, you are just degenerately betting on this all day. Well, from 9 until midnight, you also play sports on video.
So I'm good, but I'm just very good.

Speaker 4 So people need to watch. It's more about a scheduling thing.
It's about a scheduling thing.

Speaker 4 So just block out some time from 7 to 10 o'clock every night and just watch an old sporting event on your DVR or just write sports on a piece of paper, tape it to the television, and just stare at it for three years.

Speaker 4 But just, yeah, so essentially just try your best to ignore your, and it could go both ways. Maybe your husband doesn't like sports.

Speaker 4 Whatever partner doesn't like sports, try to just ignore them for three hours a day to get them prepped.

Speaker 7 Who is your favorite Kardashian and why?

Speaker 4 Rob. Because they fucking kicked him.
He couldn't fit in the suit in France before the wedding and he just flew home.

Speaker 4 Is China black one? Nope. Nope.
Okay. Black China? Nope.

Speaker 7 The last name has to be Kardashian.

Speaker 4 Courtney. Yeah, okay.
Courtney. Because you know what? Courtney's like, fuck it.
I'm Courtney. How do we know that? I'm Rob.
I don't have to be Kim. I like Rob, too, but he's not really a factor.

Speaker 4 He's like a non-factor. Because they're ashamed of him.
That's fucked up.

Speaker 4 Does Ray J count? Nope. He's got some blood.

Speaker 4 Nope. Swap DNA.

Speaker 7 My man lives for the I Will Try Harder Tomorrow speech. Why do men love false promises? We need insight.

Speaker 4 Olivia.

Speaker 4 That's our entire life is a false promise. It's future us.

Speaker 4 Just telling. It's not a lie.
You know, but telling yourself tomorrow, diet starts tomorrow. That's really what it comes down to.

Speaker 4 And you just keep telling yourself tomorrow is going to be the day that I change everything about myself that I've done for my entire life and become a better person.

Speaker 4 Well, what's great about telling somebody else that you're going to do better tomorrow is

Speaker 4 you're taking a positive outlook. And if they say, that's what you told me yesterday, then guess what? Why are you doubting me for tomorrow? Why do you not believe me? Now it's your problem.

Speaker 4 right and now you have your negative apologize your negative

Speaker 7 exactly not my issue i haven't cleaned up the bathroom in seven months i'm gonna do it tomorrow yeah tomorrow i'm gonna be the cleanest person in the world all right last one uh question for tonight when you pee do you take your balls out or keep them inside my boyfriend takes his balls out and i think it's totally unnecessary the internet has it at 50 50 split so i'd love to hear your takes uh usually no

Speaker 4 But sometimes you just got to see what's going on down there.

Speaker 4 You got to do a little... Yeah, you just got to take take inventory.
I'll take my balls out. You gotta take inventory of what's going on down there.

Speaker 4 It's so reflexive. I didn't know if I did or not.
I just do a little scoop. Scoop and pull.
Now, I never go through the zipper with it.

Speaker 4 You never put the balls through the gate. They might not ever come back.
Hold on.

Speaker 4 If it's a waistband, sometimes they'll pull down below the balls. Sometimes it'll just drop all the way to the ground.
Yeah, I think I scoop and pull every time.

Speaker 4 You pull your balls out the bottom of the ball.

Speaker 7 Sometimes I pull them up and over. Doing up and over.

Speaker 4 Up and over the waistband. Yeah, yeah.
I'm saying, like, through the teeth of the zipper. If you willingly pull them through, that's the gate of thermopylae right there.

Speaker 4 That's like the 300 waiting to spear your nuts the second they go through those teeth.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I pull them out.

Speaker 4 I don't know, I didn't know that was weird. Tell me that's not weird.
She said 50/50, so okay, cool. I'm in the 50 part.
All right, we'll see everyone

Speaker 4 Friday. Love you guys.

Speaker 4 You pull your nuts through the zipper.

Speaker 4 Trust you, I'm gonna show you.

Speaker 4 Talking away.

Speaker 4 I don't know what about to say, I've said anyway.

Speaker 4 Today's on my day to find you. Shy it away.

Speaker 4 Oh, I'll be coming for your love, okay.

Speaker 4 Shy it away.

Speaker 4 Oh, I'll be coming for your love, okay.

Speaker 4 Needless to say,

Speaker 4 I've obviously

Speaker 4 somewhere in a way.

Speaker 4 Slowly learning that life is okay.

Speaker 4 Say after me,

Speaker 4 oh, it's for better to be safe than sorry. Say after me,

Speaker 4 it's for better to be safe than sorry.

Speaker 4 I'll be gone.

Speaker 4 I'll be

Speaker 4 gone.

Speaker 4 If pardon my tip, possess the five ball stool sports.