NFL Draft, Packers Jordan Love, Mt Flushmore Of Drinks + Dungeons And Dragons

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, the NFL Draft, we get real sports to talk about. We're going to break down the entire first round.
We have Jordan Love, now Green Bay Packer, on the show. We actually interviewed him at 2 o'clock before he became the starter for the Green Bay Packers, but he got drafted by the Packers late in the first round.
We have him. We also have a bonus, little extra, something different, Dungeons & Dragons.
We learned how to play Dungeons & Dragons. It's actually a two-year-old interview, but it's something that a lot of people haven't heard it's very very funny perfect little friday you know something else something different we have a fire fest and then we have the mount flushmore of non-alcoholic drinks ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working nah neither has ariat ariat work jackets and boots are packed with all the cold stopping waterproof protection you need to get the job done under any conditions so you can take any job out there and always

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Today is Friday, April 24th. Sports are back.
The NFL Draft, boys. It felt so good to watch something new and feel alive for a minute.
And also even like right now we're in the studio. It's 1230.
It feels good to be in the studio at 1230. It does.
It reminds us of the days of yore. That was a fun draft.
It had a little bit of chaos, a little bit of technical difficulties. It had Jordan Love usurping Aaron Rodgers as a future.
We have coming up. And we'll get to that.
We'll get to that.

But overall, it was a fun night watching as close to sports as we can get right now. Yes, it was.
And it did start off very chalk. So we'll kind of go through it, talk about what we liked, what we didn't like.
First of all, the setup is very interesting, obviously. You know, Trey Wingo explained it, but it didn't really hit me until we saw all the draft parties with four people at it.
And you're like, that kind of sucks. It was weird.
Yeah, a couple parties had one sad balloon in the corner. Yes.
That was weird because you can't go out to a party store. Those are closed.
No one's talking about that. The general manager's setups that they had, the coach's setups, some of them were much better than others i think mike variable clearly won the night in his room he had a guy that looked like a mix between all his sons i think all his sons one of his sons looked like a mix between the water boy adam sandler and joe dirt uh the other was taking a shit i believe he was sitting on a bar stool intentionally looking like he was taking a shit in my professional opinion and then another guy dressed up like mr freeze yes uh the only other one that i had that was close to that he looked like he was shitting out of his mouth he was spitting so much so much dip it was great the only one other one i had close to that was mike zimmer because mike zimmer was looking at a computer as if the computer was trying to rob him and he also had a big cast iron uh logo in front of his fireplace it said zimmer ridge oh yeah and zimmer ridge sounds fucking sick what about our boy cliff oh cliff cliff is a party boy glennie balls on twitter said it perfectly said it's literally ryan gosling's character from crazy stupid love okay well i i was shocked that zimmer or that uh that kingsbury didn't have a peloton in that room that looked like it was pulled directly from one of their commercials cliff kingsbury has a house that was sold to him by the hottest real estate agent in arizona and he like not even hottest like i'm not talking even like attractiveness i'm saying the guy who everyone or the girls everyone's like you got to talk to this person they brought him there he was wowed by the fake grass in the backyard in the fucking fire pit that he probably has never even used because it's the perfect house that's built for a bachelor but is like 10 000 square feet so it's actually built for like a family of nine yeah he definitely went to his realtor he was like hey i need a house that is going to be the easiest to clean off all the bodily fluids that will be spilled onto the ground.
So I need marble floors and then a zero-scaped backyard. So we started the draft.
We had, obviously, our man Joe Burrow go number one, which was great. We all expected it.
By the way, did you see last night on SportsCenter SVP had a montage? The Bengals. The Bengals have had eight times in the history of the NFL draft the pick directly after them ending up being a hall of famer oh that's tough it's insane that's always always the bridesmaid never the bride but Joe Burrow to the Bengals we all expected it happy for him um I think that was like the no one really thought there was gonna be any even even when they tried to make it a story like oh the Dolins called about it.
It's like everyone knew the Bengals were going to just not fuck it up. So credit to the Bengals.
Well, that's good for my Washington R words, too. Yes.
To pick after him ends up being a Hall of Famer. Chase Young is going to be great.
And I do think Chase Young is going to be awesome. He's going to be very good.
But yeah, Joe Burrow was a no-brainer pick. He actually went up on my big board today higher than number one because he had his draft party catered by buffalo wild wings which is the happiest place on earth nice oh there's zimmer ridge right now zimmer ridge look at it how many so he's got his ranch he's got four dead animals uh plastered to his wall yeah and jerry jones is on a yacht jerry jones was in a hilarious like just in way too big white couch which you just you know he sits on that and he probably just sits on it and yells at anyone who ever has brought a drink even close to it yeah jerry jones yacht it's like a boat filled with rooms you remember those rooms that you had at your rich friend's house that you weren't allowed to go into usually it was like to the right of the stairway that no one touched that was pristine sitting room the sitting room jerry jones just has a full sitting room you know he's got a full house full house of sitting rooms.
It's literally on his yacht. Oh, it is.
It's on his boat. Yeah, he's on his yacht.
Yeah, for sure. It's nicer than any room in my house.
Anyone's house. All right, so we had Joe Burrow, and then it did go chalk to start, and I'm happy that Tua went to the Dolphins.
One, because something about Tua is going to look awesome in that Dolphins colors, and they haven't had a quarterback in a long time, except for Jay Cutler. And Tua, like that, the smoke of Justin Herbert jumping Tua was making me so mad because Tua is so much better than Justin Herbert.
No offense to Justin Herbert. He might end up being good, but Tua is out of control good.
The gap between Joe Burrow and Tua is minuscule. The gap between Tua and Justin Herbert is massive.
Credit to the Dolphins. They made the right choice there.
I also loved Roger Goodell. How long has he had to get this name right? Three years? Ever since Tua won the national championship and he he ended up with Tua Tango Livalui or something like that? Yeah, he butchered it big time.
And then my favorite thing that happened right after Tua got picked was ESPN had set up the QBs falling in the draft montage in case Tua did fall. And they're like, fuck it, let's just run it anyway.
And they just ran like Johnny Manziel and Aaron Rodgers. Like, what are we doing here? You got to get that green room shot of them just like sitting back with Bluetooth in their ears.
It was, yeah. Two's home that Nick Saban bought is unbelievable.
Two's home looks awesome. He's going to have to take a pay cut going to the NFL.
People aren't talking about that. But yeah, his whole family's decked out in traditional Hawaiian gear.
And you know, I mean, two has got what, like a million family members that go to every single game? Yes. You know they're in that house somewhere.

Yeah, they absolutely are.

You know they're outside, like right next to a two-way or a one-way mirror. They're just told, hey, we can't have you on camera during this.
By the way, Tua's living room coming up on this screen, I want to just mention this right now. And I've had this long-time thought, and I'm just going to say that if you steal it from me, I will kill you.
But Hank, remember when we talked about this?

I want to create a coffee table book of athlete couches and chairs because they're always so, so big and look so, so comfortable because it's large, large men. It actually first I first thought of it when we went to Spencer Hawes house and he has the largest.
Well, he has to. He's like seven.
Yeah, I know. i know he's the largest but that's what i'm saying like all these guys have the largest couches in the most luxurious chairs all leather and i i think that it would be cool to basically do an entire book about like check out the biggest couches you can find this is where i want to sit down right now yeah they they do strike me as reminiscent of doc annals couch you remember that one yeah the fuck yeah just a room that's just a fucking so don't steal that idea i'm going to do it sometime just interview i want to interview athletes in their home exclusively about their furniture in their living room and anytime anything else anytime you can have a living room where everything in there is wood grain that's sweet right it's literally the laziest idea of all time i want to sit down with an athlete and be like dude this couch is awesome yeah i mean to his living room was it was a million percent wood it was like build me a house out of a force it's probably saving his like second house it's probably his cabin it's the lake house that he can look across the lake at and keep an eye on so justin herbert goes to the chargers and the poor chargers couldn't even get enough fans for roger goodell's awkward little uh like hey fans get excited before every pick let's let's talk about goodell for a second is is he okay because no he was drunk how is he that bad at talking in his living room when all he had to do was like two lines every five every 10 minutes well yeah i mean he could do two lines of cocaine and be a lot better every five minutes because he was sluggish.
He was not pronouncing words correctly. He was turning red in the face.
He gave the Raiders the 2020 draft. Yeah, that's right.
He gave the Raiders the 2020 draft instead of 2022. He changed clothes.
He changed outfits to get more comfortable halfway through. He did a TikTok with Jerry Judy, which cemented him as the whitest man in the world.
He tried to hug Cesar Ruiz through his television.

He was like a dog.

That was when he took Molly.

Yeah.

Have you ever left your TV on for your dog and then Stella just starts barking when she

sees a dog on there?

Yeah.

He saw a big dude, an offensive lineman getting drafted.

He's like, this is the guy I got to give the bro hug to.

So he just walked directly into the TV.

Stella's actually too smart for that.

She knows.

Leroy is not.

She's like, that's not a real dog. She just barks at all the other real dogs that are everywhere sometimes leroy thinks my guitar is a dog he's not smart but i love him so all right so yeah goodell all time just awkward like uh i'm trying to i don't know what he like trying to sell you a 401k or like life insurance or something.
And you're just like, dude, I don't know. Like, you're kind of weird about this.
I said he looked like a game show host because he was holding those NFL cards. Yes.
He looked like a game show host where if you lose, you have to buy life insurance. It's way too expensive that you don't need from him.
Right. And you walk out of the meeting and you're like, you know, the things he was saying made sense.
But something about him really really creeps me out he's just i think roger goodell is depressed because in the cba they go they gave up his rights to go collect piss from everybody yes that's like his his hobby that's like taking away that one week of fishing that nick saban does every year that's true that's true all right so we have um so justin herbert went then we had a uh basically kept on going chalk makaiekhi Becton. Shout out Mekhi Becton for being the first draftee to have some kind of physical performance that has nothing to do with football when he was pushing a truck up a hill.
He was pushing a truck that I presume his huge father was driving and his huge father was riding the brakes too as he was pushing it. So I like that pick.
He goes to what jets right he goes to jets which jets good job sam darnold protecting him if you want to protect sam darnold get him a dental dam though make him stop making out with 22 year olds in hoboken this is actually the draft where like i don't really see any moments where i'm like wow that was really stupid like the browns browns need to protect baker mayfield the browns got a offensive lineman from alabama you're right you know what it was smart how these teams the bucks the bucks had tristan wirfs who jumped out of a pool which was awesome a huge dude from iowa who's going to protect tom brady like all these teams actually kind of made good picks and then we have the Raiders just saying fuck. Let's just be the Raiders and pick the fastest guy in the draft.
I think we called that last week. I think we said Al Davis's Ouija board was going to tell their draft room, their control room, to go ahead and pick rugs.
I did like John Gruden's setup because he just had Deuce standing next to him, just lording over him as much as Deuce can lord over somebody because he's like 5'4". But he looked jacked up.
He looked swole. They had the grease board.
The white board was right behind Gruden with their big – I don't actually think that was the order of people that they wanted to draft. I think that's Deuce's white board.
Yes. Where he has just like all the people that you could draft next to workouts that he has to do like it's a CrossFit workout of the day.
Yes. He's like, okay, so if we get three wide receivers off the board before 20 uh we have to do 50 burpees and then 40 hang cleans he uh we should also mention uh this is an appropriate time to take more serious tone that uh every person who has been draft has had a horrific tragedy in their life that we had to mention immediately after they had the greatest moment of their career somewhere along the lines of fun facts that we like turned into tragedies it was it was weird it was there was a run there where trey wingo was like and this young man well his father his aunt and his little sister all died like what the flow okay and they were reaching for some of them too was like, like he was named after his dad's friend who had leukemia.

Like they didn't have to say that.

Yeah.

I think they actually did.

They did like set up a thing where they,

they sent out a questionnaire to every first round pick.

And it was like,

please put the most tragic thing that's happened to you.

Yeah.

Well,

there's a flow chart.

It's like,

do you have a family tragedy?

No.

Can you jump out of a pool?

No.

Is there a video of you pushing car? No. You better have told at least your first grade teacher that you were going to be a professional athlete one day.
Right. Right.
And she told you no. And if none of those things happen, then we'll just move on as quickly as possible.
Yeah. But it was.
It was incredible. I feel like maybe that happens every year, but not.
No, because every year. It was more heavy handed this year.
Well, what I think it is is is they had to fill more time because they don't get the instant player interviews as quick like you know usually it's interview the guy right after and you know you get the scene and all the shots of like fans and stuff this year they just had to say okay well how do we fill this time i don't know maybe let's depress the fuck out of you know anyone who's ever died? Yes. Have you killed anyone accidentally? Yeah.
Actually, there was somebody who saved someone's life. I think it was a linebacker from Kenneth Murray.
Kenneth Murray saved somebody's life when he was 12. And then that person died? Wait, he learned CPR when he was 12.
And then somebody died around him, but then he brought them back. so essentially he's and then he's melisandre and that person then game of thrones you're so late it's crazy i know i love it you try he pft was like let's do mount flush more of game of thrones no no no oh i didn't say that all right hank's back in but yeah then that person who he saved then went on to get hit by a car like he was supposed to be in.
Yeah. Something like that.
No, he saved somebody's life, but that person went on to become a serial killer. Yeah.
It was very heavy-handed. So going down through...
Real quick, right off the top, Trey Wingo came in hot with some Anchorman references, some Wedding Crashers references. Oh.
Crab cakes and football. Well, how about Trey Wingo's greatest line of the entire night that made me think like, whoa, dude, you do need a bowl right now.
When he was talking about Mekhi Becton and going to his tape, Trey Wingo said, if you love seeing someone abuse human beings, you'll love this. Yeah.
Because who doesn't love seeing someone abuse human beings?

Yeah, I mean, it's a great catchphrase for the Cincinnati Bengals.

It's like, what are you doing, dude?

But all right, so CeeDee Lamb to the Cowboys was a notable pick

because I feel like he's the best wide receiver in the draft,

and now we can have even more of the Cowboys are incredible,

but they're going to finish 8-8.

They're going to score a million points, and everyone's going to be like,

statistically, they're the greatest offense in the world.

I don't know. Now we can have even more of the Cowboys are incredible, but they're going to finish eight and eight.
They're going to score a million points. And everyone's going to be like, statistically the greatest offense in the world, but they somehow only scored 14 points when they played, you know, the name of shitty team, the Redskins, the Redskins, they played, they scored 14 points against the Redskins and they're going to miss the playoff.
Yeah. It's the Des Bryant model that they've had for a while.
And before that, it was T.O. They've always had a prime-time receiver, a really excellent player that you can't guard using one guy.
And then they'll end up losing, probably in Monday Night Football, 30-31 against the Giants. But even this, even C.D.
Lamb, it's a good pick by the Cowboys because he shouldn't have been there. Like, he's so fucking good.
C.Dee Lamb is so goddamn good. This was also the most viral social media pick from the draft because there was a clip of the girl sitting next to him, like, grabbing his phone out of his hand and him snatching it back and giving it his side eye.
But now CeeDee, he came out because he saw that that started to go viral and he was like, it's not what it looks like. You guys need to calm down.
Which is probably exactly him and not her. It's not what it looks like.
CD, tweet this. CD, tweet this.
Dak just sent me the number for a bunch of hot chicks in Dallas. No, babe.
I was just looking up the present I was going to buy you with my signing bonus. Yeah.
You can't look at that. Dak invited me to his party next week but said no girlfriends allowed.
That's all it was. It's just for the guys.
Yes guys yes just for the no no girls allowed and less than 10 people there yes exactly um all right so then going through uh the rest of the draft run on wide receivers was good was interesting and of course we got to get to our guy jordan love who's going to be on in a few minutes, Trouble in Paradise, because that feels like now, I know people will say I'm just trolling, but the Packers were in the NFC Championship game this year. You would think that a team that was that close to the Super Bowl, and they did get fucking smoked by the Niners, so you could say they weren't even that close to the Super Bowl.
But if you wanted to say they were that close to the Super Bowl, they did get fucking smoked by the Niners so you could say they weren't even that close to the Super Bowl but if you wanted to say they were that close to the Super Bowl you would say they should probably draft a position they can start right away well they absolutely needed a wide receiver that's what the funniest part about this whole thing was is the Packers if you were to list their needs at that point it was like number one by far we need a wide receiver and instead of doing that they took a quarterback and traded up for a direct shot at aaron rogers and we're going to get in some headlines with uh with jordan love later about how sports writer is going to absolutely kill it using his last name um brotherly love is the headline in green bay tomorrow yes uh jordan is the name of aaron rogers's brother so that's going to be weird that the closest Jordan in his life is now his backup quarterback yes and knowing the way that he treats brothers too right it's great uh I think Aaron Rodgers is going to handle this really well he's not going to be immature about it I think he's going to be a total professional he's you know what Aaron Rodgers is about to turn into the next Alex Smith he's going to be the best mentor for his backups ever no none of this is this is happening. What's really going to happen, as an owner of the Packers, I feel like Aaron Rodgers might demand a trade.
I feel like he's the kind of guy that is going to want to get out of town as soon as possible because this is going to be disrespect to him. Either that or he'll tell Danica, like, give him one of those crystals you got from Chernobyl.
Tell him to put it in your pocket the whole time. You know what would be funny? This would be the absolute funniest thing ever.

If Aaron Rodgers got traded to the Bears at some point, how great would that be?

It would be so funny.

He was on McAfee earlier in the night and he said

whoever he takes, he'll

track down his number and welcome him to the team

tonight. Do you think

that happens? Nope.

He probably prank called him a few times.

He probably turned into one-man jerky boys. what is that text pumped for you man you're gonna love the packers i'll let you use my locker when i'm out of here yep tomorrow i uh or just like the the gym from the office just like welcome now now the problem you are my backup the problem is as much as i'm making fun of this, there's obviously a better chance than not that somehow Jordan Love becomes a Hall of Famer and the Packers just have 50 years of Hall of Fame quarterbacks in a row.
And he wins a Super Bowl? Exactly one Super Bowl. Fuck.
It would be great. You know what would be funny, though, if Aaron Rodgers reached out to Brett Favre to ask him for his advice on how to handle this situation.
This is going to suck so bad. We'll send the lady a picture of your tiny dick and then go to the Jets and Vikings.
I'm feeling good because I feel like, look, the Packers, they just basically squandered a first-round pick when they're in win-now mode, so I feel good. But then the sneaking thing in the back of my brain is like, yeah, love's gonna end up being a great quarterback and this is all gonna suck the thing is and this is completely based on me watching maybe 10 highlight throws of his which look great he's got he's got some of the best highlights out there for any college quarterback um i think he he's gonna be good i think he's gonna be really good one red flag is that he wasn't even the best J-Love in his conference.
The San Diego State quarterback was named like Justin Love or something. He had better stats.
Good point. Where'd he get drafted? He didn't.
So you might say that actually he wasn't better than J-Love. Well, statistically speaking, he was.
So do you hate him already? Yeah, I hate him. All right.
Yeah. Unless he's like Deshaun Kizer, then I love him.
If he's Deshaun Kizer, then he's the fucking best. If he's bad, then he's your best friend.
Recurring guest. I fucking love that guy.
I think even Deshaun Kizer beat the Bears. Ah, fuck.
So what else do we have for the first round? Then, of course, the Chiefs, who have an unreal team, get an unreal running back in Clyde Edwards for layer and that's gonna be it's just scary when a team that good offensively adds another offensive player playoff Clyde is what they called him in college yeah what's gonna happen to playoff Damien I think it's playoff Clyde now if you saw what he did to Clemson yeah overall pretty good draft though I really do think most teams did like what they should do. It didn't feel like a lot of teams reached or screwed up.
Of course, the Eagles fans are very pissed about their pick. They would be.
Yep. I feel like that's exactly if Eagles fans aren't pissed about their pick, then it probably actually sucks.
Right? It's the total inverse. If they had taken Justin Jefferson and everyone was pumped, they'd be like,in jefferson's not going to be a bust right they're still mad about drafting mcnab right and he was awesome so uh yeah i think uh what happened with the seahawks they got the linebacker right p carroll did his thing earlier today where he tweeted out some weird obscure movie clip oh no no it's 1917 brooks from texas tech it was 1917.
Pete Carroll likes to give out these clues before he drafts people. And this year it was 1917.
So they're like, okay, it's someone who can run fast. Cause there's a clip of the guy running across the landmines and stuff.
Oh, so good job. You care.
Wow. You got it.
Maybe it was a nod to DK Metcalf last year. Cause they didn't make any cuts in that movie.
There it is. Yeah.
So, uh, Brandon Iuke was the, uh the 49ers. 49ers got a wide receiver, which they needed very badly as well.
And they also got – like the 49ers, John Lynch is doing some good shit. Fuck, man.
Because they traded a pick, and then they just got a younger defensive lineman. Here's the thing about John Lynch.
He just looks super competent all the time. Yes.
He looks like a guy that you would trust with stuff. It's a square jaw square jaws can be just trusted a lot more he's always like leaning forward just the body language makes me believe that whatever he's doing he's doing for all the right reasons and that he knows exactly you know what he's going to get out of it it's a very underrated trait to have like you know if you think like oh i want biceps or i want abs no if you have a sick jaw life is just handed to you and even the way that he's going bald he's going bald in a way that makes him look more aggressive right like he's giving himself a sharper point on his hair right and if you don't have a jaw well you got a lot to overcome or grow a beard we're dealing with some technical difficulties in the room here, much like you saw on ESPN tonight.
Hank's mic's not working. He didn't know that we were talking about him.
Sorry, Hank. I do want to call out my best friend, Darren Revelle.
By the way. Oh, what a fucking narc.
Darren. Okay.
You suck, dude. Earlier today, Darren Revell actually shot up way, way higher in my own personal evaluation of a human being.
Did he give you $10,000 cash? Basically, he did even better than that. He tweeted out a picture of the football that they're going to use next year.
Okay. And it looks fucking awesome.
Okay. It looks sweet.
Really, all they did was just change the gold shield on the football to a red, white, and blue shield. But still, it looks fucking awesome.

So I was happy with Daryl earlier today.

Then during the draft, he said the NFL put out strict guidelines to all draftees that they had to only have league-sponsored items around them and that there would be punishments if they didn't.

The biggest violator, Sean Payton, he was drinking a crush.

Crush is made by Dr. Pepper, competitor of sponsor Pepsi.
Coke is a competitor of sponsor Pepsi. There was also Coke on the table.
Twizzlers is made by Hershey. Their sponsor is Mars.
So Ravel just like took an inventory like he was a backroom manager at a Circle K and listed every single thing that he had on the table. And the crazy thing is, I actually believe that Sean Payton knew exactly what the league sponsors were and went out and got all their direct competitors and put them there absolutely he did but daryl didn't have to say it what a jerk what a fucking jerk oh also shout out mike mccarthy for uh placing his phone like directly in front of his face and uh that was pretty funny it was it was what do you do with a fat face get phone as close to possible.
It was like right in front of his face and off at an angle.

It looked like that Nathan For You picture where he's like, I'm out having a great time

with all my friends.

They're right outside the frame.

And he had that picture of him just smiling ear to ear.

Yeah.

Like he had just won the lottery.

Mike McCarthy always looks like he's having a reaction to shellfish.

Yeah.

Just like swelling up a little bit.

Yes.

A little...

A little... Like he got stung by maybe like three or fourfish.
Yeah. It's like swelling up a little bit.
Yes. A little, a little like,

uh,

he got stung by maybe like three or four bees in his backyard.

Not enough to like,

you know,

one Japanese hornet.

Yes.

One Japanese hornet.

As,

as we know,

very deadly Japanese hornets.

Um,

all right.

Anything else on the draft?

Should we get to Jordan love?

Should we do it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then we'll do fire fest and Mount flush more on the other side. And then then we have Dungeons and Dragons, a little bonus at the end of the show, which is fantastic.
Very, very funny. We played Dungeons and Dragons.
We learned how to play, and then we played, got contentious. But let's get to Jordan Love.
When your home system or appliance breaks down, American Home Shield will help fix or replace the covered item, no matter its age. Visit AHS.com slash listen for 20% off any plan.
See AHS.com slash contracts for coverage details, limitations and exclusions. Okay, here he is, Jordan Love.
Okay, we now welcome on very special guest. It is Utah State quarterback, soon to be drafted, Jordan love he's joining us from verizon because uh obviously there's no draft parties tonight but verizon is keeping you connected correct jordan are they are they going to be the first call that you get is that how it's going to work yeah so uh you know they sent me a phone to be able to um you know help connect myself my friends and my family um you know since they can't be here at my party so definitely be uh um using the phone to be able to call my friends and stuff so nice so all right so we're recording this around two o'clock on draft day you obviously haven't been drafted yet uh i i think everyone thinks you're going in the first round have you do you have a team that you really want to go to or a situation that you're feeling good about? We're not going to air this till Friday.
So you can let us know secrets and we won't let them out. Ha man.
I don't, to be honest, like my head has been all over the board. I've heard so many different things.
You know, talk to my agent, talk to teams where I have like no insight right now right now where I'm going to go. I know – I mean, I've talked to, you know, Dolphins, Chargers.
I know those are teams that, you know, need quarterbacks and are looking for those. But it kind of all depends on who they want to take.
You know, we've got Tua, Justin. You know, obviously probably Joe's going to be, you know, with the Bengals at the end of the day.
And then we just kind of got to figure out where everybody else is going to bounce around to. Do you read the mock drafts? Are you following along, like constantly refreshing today to see like what the very last versions have you going to? Man, I get tagged in all types of stuff.
So I see them, you know, all over the place, Twitter, Instagram, I see them. But I know at the end of the day that stuff is like just people guessing, trying to figure out where they think it's going to happen.
So I don't let that, you know. That's what's so funny to me is that people are constantly updating even as we get into the last hours today, like anything is going to change in the process moving forward.
But, yeah, Big Cat's right. It's before the draft.
We don't know where you're going to go. Can you just give a reaction? Like let's say you got drafted by the Chargers.
We'll only run this. If you got drafted by the Chargers, you just want to say, oh, this is awesome.
I'm going to charge you now. Cool.
Hey, I'll be like, hey, man. Charger Nation, we here.
I'm ready for you. Ready to throw my boy Keenan.
Get it cracking over there. Okay, what about the Patriots draft? You're now the guy who's going to be filling Tom Brady's shoes.
Man, those are some shoes to fill. I'll be ready for that, too.
But, you know, I got nation know that uh you know i'm coming to uh you know try and fill those the best i can okay what about what about the bucks so the bucks drafted you to compete against tom brady hey the bucks hey i'm here i'm ready to compete against you got it down you're ready to go i'm ready how how weird has it been doing all your pre-draft visits on zoom or skype or phone call and what's the weirdest thing that someone's asked you over these because you know everyone's trying to get to know you a little bit more yeah it's been really weird you know just like I mean I'm at my house all day just sitting around doing uh you know zoom calls with different teams um Obviously, we're supposed to be, you know,

flying out to different facilities and meet with people.

But, I mean, it is what it is, you know.

It's how it's going right now just with the world.

But it's been pretty unique.

And then what would you say to the other question? The weirdest thing that's been asked of you?

Oh, the weirdest question?

I didn't even get asked any weird questions.

Like the Combine Senior Bowl, I didn't get asked.

I was waiting for them.

But the weirdest question, you know, I was training with some guys. We were down in San Diego training and we were talking about just weird questions that got asked.
Someone said they heard someone was like, they're drawing up a play for a coach and the coach was like, what would you do if I punched you in the face right now? I'm trying to distract him. I was like, man, I don't even know how to answer that one.
Yeah. That's a great question.
Yeah like that. We should start out our interviews with that big cat.
Like what would you do if I hit you right now? Yeah. Just see if they don't say I'd punch you back, then they're a beta.
You're off my big board right now. You're going.
Yes. Have you seen that people are comparing you to Pat Mahomes? Like that's a pretty good guy to be compared to.
I don't know if it's necessarily fair to you because he's probably the best player in the NFL, but you're getting those comparisons. Oh, yeah.
The way I look at it, it's great to see. It is what it is.
People are going to say that, say what they want. They're trying to find all the comparisons out there.
I look at it as I'm not Patrick Mahomes. I'm Jordan Love.
I'd never compare myself to him. He's one of the best quarter of the best quarterbacks in the league right now, you know, MVP coming off that.
So it's fun to watch, but you know, it's cool to see people comparing me to him, but I'm not Patrick Mahomes. I just realized the biggest winner of this draft is actually not going to be you or anyone who's getting drafted.
It's going to be the headline writers of the city that you go to because everything's just, you know, you can just do love for everything. So good job by you for like giving some journalists a little more play and keeping the journalism world afloat by having such an awesome name.
Can we quickly, can we see your hands? It's about to be creepy. Was that 10 and a quarter? Mine look bigger.
Mine's bigger than all yours. Yeah.
Okay. What is it? 10 and 5-8? 10 and – yeah, I think it was 10 and 5-8.
10 and a half right around there. Sheesh.
Those are some big nets. Did you do any exercises, any like massages to get your hands a little bit bigger before that day? Yeah, every day I just sit around, you know, trying to stretch my fingers out.
It's making me as big as possible. No.
Just a blessing. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Did you do – you had anything like that, though, pre-combined to get yourself ready for all the different things you had to go through? No, not for, like, any hand size.
I'll tell you, the one thing, you know, you prepare for is, like, the vert, you know, trying to get the arm test. You know, they're going to yank and pull in your arm.
You're trying to make it as tight as possible. So, you know, you get all the inches right there.
That's it. Yeah, I like that.
So when you're prepping for the vert, you want to keep your hand as low as it can go. So if you have like strong back muscles, it's harder to pull it up.
You try to lock that shoulder in, make sure they can't yank it because they're going, hey, they're going to pull your arm, trying to yank to yank it so you're trying to lock that shoulder in yeah people always think about getting as many inches as you can at the top of your vertical leap they don't you got to work smarter not work harder exactly exactly uh what would you say you know when you get drafted uh tonight and the teams you know fans of the team that you get drafted to are looking through your career getting to know know Jordan Love. What would you say was the difference between your sophomore and junior year? Because you were out of this world good sophomore year.
Last year, maybe a little more interceptions. What changed? Yeah.
I mean, obviously the one step that went up was the interception, you know, throwing 17 compared to six. But for me, you know, I was trying to make plays, trying to make those big plays like we had the year before and just trying to force throws that I didn't need to be doing, you know, trusting my arm a little bit too much and just trying to force balls that weren't good, weren't good decisions and bad reads on some of them.
Just trust my receivers a little bit too much. Okay.
I actually, I did some scouting on you. I've got one red flag.
I don't know if you've been asked about this yet, but we were both told you and I that we couldn't play quarterback our freshman year of high school because we were too small. I listened to my coaches.
You didn't. So is that kind of an issue? Like maybe you can't accept feedback? I think that might be a problem for me.
No, just can't accept it. You know, too hard-headed.
You grew. You grew.
What are you, 6'4 now? Yeah, 6'4. Yeah.
Luckily, I grew. Tall enough for John Elway.
Oh, yeah. If you were to be drafted in a situation where you had to sit for a couple years, are you going to be pissed? Like, how does that usually go through someone's mind? I'm always curious with that because in some ways it's good because you get to learn the ropes.
but are you going to be pissed like how does that usually go through someone's mind I'm always curious with that because in some ways it's good because you get to learn the ropes but are you thinking I want to be a starter week one in the 2020 season I mean my mindset is I want to be the best player I can be um if sitting behind somebody here and being able to learn um that system is going to give me the best opportunity to be you know the best player best player I can be, then that's going to be the best situation for me.

It's kind of, you know, coming into college, I had to do it, you know,

sit behind somebody, learn. And, you know, I think it helped me a lot.

But, you know, if you get thrown in the fire right away, you know,

that's what we're here for. That's what I signed up for.

And you got to be able to handle that. So.

Just for my own personal reasons here, I'm engaged in some,

some prop bets on draft night. Are you going to have any dogs in the room with you? I am going to have some dogs.
There you go. How many dogs are we talking about? I hear at least one.
There will be four dogs in the household. Four? Oh, okay.
All right. You're going to make me some money tonight.
I love it. Love is in the air.
Four dogs. Jordan, have you deleted all your old tweets yet?

I haven't.

You know, I've gone through and seen if I have some old ones,

but I don't think I have any crazy tweets.

I'm not much of a tweeter.

But I have – somebody pulled up – I was at the combine.

They were able to pull up, like, some old tweets just talking about –

they were talking about fantasy football,

and they pulled up some old ones, and I was talking crap.

Really? Yeah, so I was like, man, I gotta look at those. Okay.
Okay. That, I mean, that's going to be the, they always pull up the old tweets on a draft.
And I feel like guys have gotten a little bit better with it, but this will suck though. If you have some old tweets show up and then you have this interview.
So I guess it's in God's hands now. It is.

I think it'd be okay.

What is an Aggie?

An Aggie is a bull.

Okay.

Because I always thought that it had something to do with agriculture,

but I guess I'm just dumb.

I mean, Aggie agriculture is an agriculture school, but I'm your bull.

It's all kind of in the same family, I guess.

Okay. Yeah.
Have you had the moment yet today where you're like, I'm about to be really fucking rich? Man, I definitely had the moment just trying to think about it. But I think once it actually happens, it will kick in a little bit more that this is actually going on.
Yeah. What are you going to – are you you gonna are you gonna splurge on anything you got your eyes on anything i'm not gonna be splurging as much i know i need a car so i'll be getting a car um purchasing one of those bad boys but uh i'm trying not to splurge okay yeah are you gonna get a truck or are we talking like something more sporty no probably something more sporty i had a truck you know in college and whatnot a little hand-me-down for my mom So I've been driving a truck pretty much my whole life since high school.
So I'm going to pass on the truck for now. That's got to be just an unbelievable feeling, though, waking up.
And no matter what happens today, you're going to be like, I'm going to be a millionaire at the end of the day. Like, that's a mind fuck.
It's crazy. Yeah.
Crazy. My last question to you, Jordan, and he's with uh verizon uh go check it out verizon's hooking up all the draft prospects this year because they can't have parties they can't do uh the big time draft parties that we usually are accustomed to um when it comes to like being going from under the radar utah state to now first round pick pick NFL, has it been hard to adjust to the idea that, oh, my God, I'm going to have this many people watching me, this many people talking about me? Or is it something that you've casually been able to grow accustomed to? Yeah.
I think I definitely just kind of casually grew accustomed to it. Obviously, from high school to college, my life changed a lot just with as many people following me.

But Utah State's still under the radar.

But it's definitely just been growing since then, Senior Bowl Combine.

But I know it's going to get a lot bigger.

So I'm just trying to roll with it.

Okay.

And my last question, is there a team, if you had to put your money money on that you think is going to draft you tonight, who would you bet on? Lose a lot of money. Cause I can't bet on which team would pick me.
I'd have to, I couldn't even pick one. I can't even pick one.
Do you want to play? I ain't going to try and pick one. Okay.
I'll put it this way. Do you want to play somewhere that's like high humidity, hot weather, low humidity, nice weather all the time, somewhere cold? I've been in Utah.
I'm kind of done with the cold. I'm probably going to end up somewhere cold knowing that.
We'll isolate that sound clip and play it. Yeah.
I'll play somewhere with some warm weather,, we'll see what happens. Oh, I actually did have one last question.
It's a guest question from our good friend Tom Fernelli, who's a college football writer. He wanted to know if the candy that you guys sent out for your Heisman campaign back in, like, September, can you still eat that? Because he found it the other day.
I heard it's good forever. It's lifelong candy.
Okay. Always be good.
But if he gets sick, you know, I didn't say anything. I did ask him.
I was like, do you have any questions for Jordan Love? And that was his question. He's like, I literally just found this candy like two days ago.
Can I eat it? After the season I had it, all the candy went bad. That's smart.
You know exactly how to appeal to sports writers. Give them an easy headline to write and then fatten them up with sweets.
Right. You fatten them down.
Yes. All right.
Well, Jordan, thank you so much. We really appreciate it.
Best of luck and good luck with your new team. And hopefully everything goes well tonight.
Yes, sir. I appreciate you guys.
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So go to GetRoman.com slash take slash take okay let's do some uh fire fest and some mount flushmore so henry fire fest of the week daniel thank you for that introduction my fire fest this week is go on you don't have. No, I do.
You're sick of eating meatball subs. I'm not.
Okay. Your Firefest is going to be that you beat me in ping pong somehow.
You're going to turn that in. I honestly wasn't going to mention how I beat you in ping pong PFT and how you did the McGregor walk and then I beat you three games in a row.
I was not going to bring that up. Yeah, I wasn't going to bring that up.
I was going to bring that up. My fire fest is that we've been in this quarantine for, what, four weeks, five weeks? Yeah, something like that.
I haven't checked my mailbox since it started and potentially even weeks before that. I realized that today.
Like, my cable, my Wi-Fi wasn't working, and I was like, have I paid the – oh. And then I realized I called.
You don't have to pay bills right now. Well, I called called and luckily I was one day away from being overcharged.
So I was early on that. But I realized that triggered me into realizing I haven't checked my mailbox in five weeks.
Yeah. Who uses the mail? One little life hack.
And now I just have anxiety about doing it. Yes.
I picked up this tip when I went to college for the first time. If you don't take your bill out of the mailbox, you don't have to pay it.
The clock starts from once you read the mail. Sure, it's like being served.
Yeah, and then they came to my house and turned my gas off. I also told you guys about this big cat, but I got summoned.
There was some type of jury thing that I might have got summoned to that I might have missed. And it was literally something I had to resolve the week before quarantine.
And I pushed it off. And I don't know what's going to happen.
You just didn't go. Well, I don't think they're doing trials right now.
No, you can't. Crime is legal.
Fine, dude. You're totally fine.
Yeah. So not only would they not have you on a jury deciding if someone's guilty or not because crime's legal, it's also legal to not go to your jury summons.
You're good. What do they do? What if we all just stopped going to jury summonses? They can't bring in new jurors to try us.
Solidarity. They also can't arrest people right now.
That's illegal. They're letting all the prisoners out of jail.
If a police officer tries to arrest you, you can arrest him. Our big cat can grab his gun.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
All facts. All facts.
All right, PFT, what's your fire fest? My fire fest is I have to move. Yeah.
So that's always a big problem. I've been in my place for three years now.
Got to move. My landlord sold my apartment during this whole coronavirus thing.
So I don't know how that happened, but it got sold. I have to move during May.
The shitty part is I'm busy. I'm not asking you, Hank.
I'm telling you. It's part of your job.
Thanks, Bigel. I'll help you move too.

No problem.

Yeah.

Actually, let's both.

Or how about this?

I don't need your help.

We'll both not agree to help each other.

Yeah, right, right.

Good.

I'll buy you pizza too.

Perfect.

Yeah, we buy each other pizza to not help each other move.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, so the shitty thing is with coronavirus, I can't take a tour of another apartment.

Correct.

I can't walk into another apartment building.

So it's against the law to do that. So I have to figure this whole thing out online i found an apartment signed a lease today i think it's going to be a good apartment but i don't know so like for the next what month until may 15th i'm just kind of have i have to be thinking like visualizing this apartment being like is this going to work is this not going to work right um so yeah that's that's a pretty bad fire fest so i'm moving i'm doing a blind date with a house so i have a similar fire fest because i'm also moving but i so i'm a little different i was moving right before coronavirus hit i looked at a new place once and of course you know whenever you decide to move you look at the place then you sign the lease and you're like, let's go look back, get measurements, everything.
Can't do that. So if I don't like my place, I saw it.
You at least have an excuse. Yes, that's true.
So I'm kind of fucked if I walk in, because you know when you walk into an apartment to view it, you basically just go through it in like four minutes. And you're like, okay, this is good.
And then you know like, oh, we'll come we'll come back yeah and i didn't so i'm also in that zone and not only that but i've just like given up with uh like the pile that i have personally at my house and like next time i'm gonna clean my pile is when i'm gonna move that's so it's yeah it's definitely gotten a little and also shout out uh i feel like we do have a decent amount of parents that listen to this show.

I had to deal with the first ever diaper rash with my son.

And that fucking sucks.

You didn't change yourself frequently enough?

Yeah, I didn't change myself frequently enough.

No.

But yeah, I guess the only way to fix a diaper rash is to just not have your baby wear diapers.

Just free ball it.

Well, free balling works for us.

But when it's a baby, they just piss and and shit everywhere i lived in a litter box all week that's fun though at least it's something to tell your kids about later yeah it's good you can always like hold that over their head hey you remember when you were a year old and you just shat everywhere yeah that was crazy i cleaned that up yeah go take the trash out yeah and he's gonna be like no you didn't you were probably watching the nfl draft no you didn't i i have i have this log of you playing twitch on twitch every night creating a fat football coach he's definitely gonna be like all right all right let's pull up this powerpoint coach dougs ever heard of him yeah seems like you weren't yeah we do have a pretty significant list of just like things that you can look up to call us out on our bullshit later on. Yeah, I mean we did a podcast.
You were pissing your pants when you were

33, dad. That's true.
So why

should I worry about doing when I was born?

Listen, podcast two days after, one day after he was born.

Listen, it was the NBA draft. Little

commenter, don't do drugs.

Yeah, yeah.

Don't fuck around with that stuff.

By the way, if anybody out there has any experience with this,

this is one thing I'm actually concerned about with the new

apartment. So Leroy, as we know, is blind.

He knows his way around our

apartment because he's able to, like, smell the different smells. He knows the layout.
He knows where the corners are, all that stuff. He doesn't know the new apartment.
I'm concerned he's just going to start walking the walls. And that's going to be very funny at first.
Here's what you do. But also very sad.
Here's what you do, PFT. Think about this.
Baby proof it. Cover the walls in peanut butter.
Well, then he'll definitely walk into the walls. Right.
But no, he won't walk into them. He'll walk up to them, sniff them, and lick them.
He'll just be licking. He'll lick the walls.
And then he'll know where they are. What if there's lead paint? No, it's not lead paint.
Maybe that'll bring his eyesight back. Listen, that's actually what you do.
He will figure out exactly where he is if you just put peanut butter, you don't have to do the whole wall, but just in like key corners and stuff. So he goes and licks it and he's like, oh, here's a wall.
What do dogs hate? Maybe I should just put like cat fur. No, that's mean.
Keep them away from the wall. No, let him have some peanut butter.
That way he doesn't walk into them. No, just cover your apartment in peanut butter.
I'll just hire 40 postmen that get laid off when the postal service gets bankrupted and

just have them stand on my wall so he stays away from them.

Spackle your fucking whole wall with peanut butter.

Okay.

It would be good.

I'll have to check my lease and see if I can do that.

I think that would work.

All right.

Let's do our Mount Flushmore, and then we'll get to Dungeons and Dragons.

Mount Flushmore of non-alcoholic drinks.

Are we ready, Hank? I'm always ready. You're always ready.
You're going second, right? Yeah. Yeah, you go first.
Okay, go first. All right.
Mount Flushmore of non-alcoholic drinks. My first pick is an easy one.
Tomato juice. It's so gross.
Good pick. And anyone who says that, oh, it's not that bad, they're just lying because they like it with vodka.
Good pick. I've noticed that people only drink tomato juice on flights.
Well, it's supposed to help keep your swelling down, I think. Is that serious? Yes, I swear to God.
But it's got all the sodium in the world in it. Maybe it's the opposite.
I don't know. Maybe it's supposed to swell you up even more.
For whatever reason, people get in on an airplane and all of a sudden it's a big tomato factory. I think that's the only place that you can get it.
Why do people drink tomato juice on planes? Oh, it actually finished, so it's actually a thing. Oh, it's why the high decibel level in the cabin interferes with how people perceive taste.
The palate registers sweets such as soft drinks less intensely, while the taste known as a umami is heightened. Thirsty passengers may find they yearn specifically for something rich and savory, and they frequently choose tomato juice.
Tomato juice tastes better on an airplane. Wow.
That's crazy. We just learned.
All right, Hank, your first pick. Prune juice.
Good pick. I don't think I've ever had prune juice.
I don't think I have either, but I know it exists. Are you just thinking something like your grandmother would give you? No, I've had it.
It was like in my house when I was growing up a couple times. I don't really know why.
That counts. I might need some prune juice to make me more regular during the quarantine.
Prune juice. My first one, I'm going to go straight for it and say Dasani.
Dasani water is trash. Is it? Awful water.
I don't know if I can tell the difference. World's worst water.
What's the difference? It just tastes like shit. But is that a real thing or is that an internet thing? No, it's a real thing.
I honestly don't know. It's a real thing.
I took a class in college. I only drink body armor.
I took a... Yeah, me too.

Drink body armor.

It's the fuel for... It's the most delicious water.

If we did the Mount Rushmore of non-alcoholic drinks, it'd be body armor, body armor, body

armor.

They bottle it directly from the Fountain of Youth.

It's wonderful stuff.

My second pick is going to be caffeine-free Diet Coke.

Okay.

Caffeine-free Diet Coke.

The yellow can? The gold can? Yeah, it comes in a gold can. Gold can.
Yeah, bad. Yep.
Okay. Hank? Club soda.
Good pick. It doesn't taste like anything, though.
But it has bubbles. Trash.
I don't like club soda either. Nano bubbles.
Okay. I feel like it's a drink that only grandparents drink.
All right. I have two picks here.
Or vodka. Or if you're putting vodka in it.
I'm going to go with coconut water. Trash.
Disagree. Disagree.
Bad pick. Someone tried to sell us the coconut water fix hangovers.
That's a fucking lie. Bad pick.
Coconut water stinks. What about actual from when it's actually from a coconut? That's just like coconut juice.
It's coconut water. It's the same thing.
Yeah, but I'm talking about coconut water that you buy at a store. You're talking about something that you buy out of a cardboard box.
Correct. Yeah.
I don't like the... Who got together and decided we're going to put coconut water inside like a Frito-Lay box? It doesn't...
It just gives you a weird aftertaste. Just drink regular water.
And then this one will probably get contentious because I think it will go right at hank whole milk is disgusting drinking whole milk is disgusting i do you don't like strong bones i strong bones are fine but actual drinking like a glass of whole milk gross it's good is just enough i didn't say i didn't say you, Big Cat, if we did a taste test, if we did a taste test.

I would be able to tell the difference.

Absolutely not.

All right, we'll do it.

We'll do it.

We'll do it on Tuesday.

I got to agree with Big Cat on that.

It's very easy to tell the difference.

Yes.

We'll do it on Tuesday.

You give me 1%, 2% in whole milk.

I'll tell you the difference.

No problem.

Cereal, fine.

Drink, uh-uh.

It's just too much.

It's a cream.

It's gross.

Go ahead, Hank. There's no difference.
All right, we'll do the taste test. What are you going to do? You'll get a cat? Nope.
What if both me and Big Cat get it? What do you mean? What if we both get it, nail it, will you get a cat? No, I'll do it. I'm not going to do a cat bed for something like that.
Maybe something like a piece of paper beats me in ping pong. But we'll figure that out.
Oh, if I beat you in ping pong, you'll get a cat?

Maybe.

Maybe.

No, say it.

Say it right now.

You have to.

There has to be something on your end.

There has to be something on your end.

I'm not just going to risk that without getting something on the backside.

If I don't, I'll stop asking you to get a cat.

They played a seven-game series today.

And he was up 20-16 in the sixth game. My paddle broke.
He was also up 2-1 in the series. I was sweating.
Cream soda. Cream soda's great.
Fuck you guys. Cream soda's awesome.
Good pick. Thank you.
Good pick. Thank you.
I thought that was going to be... Just go get a root beer.
Pander Paul and Pander Pee. No.
No, it's a completely different drink from root beer. It's the same.
It's their cousins. It's not.
They're cousins. It's because A&W makes both of them.
They're always next to each other in the fucking grocery store. The number of times that I have bought a cream soda being like, I think there's a root beer and then you get home and you're like, fuck.
That's because you can't read. You saying cream soda and root beer are not cousins is crazy.
You're just, no, it's the marketing that has made you believe they taste nothing alike. No, they're cousins.
I love cream soda. I'm not ashamed to admit it.
Ugh. Good pick, Hank.
Thank you. I had it on my list.
All right, my last two, I'm going. You know what? Listerquil.
Listerquil sucks. It's a stupid drink.
Okay. It's actually medication, so.
Yeah, that actually is wrong. All right, so I'll do my other two, which are going to be real ones.
Okay. Buttermilk.
So you're just going one. What is that? No, buttermilk is way different than whole milk.
Yeah, but no one drinks it. What is buttermilk? Yeah, old people drink it.
Okay. I don't even know what that is.
All right. It's the milk that comes with the yellow top to it.
All right, we'll get that with the taste test, too. Yeah, that'll be really easy to figure out.
It tastes like sour jizz. It slowly pours out of the bottle.
All right, your fourth. Unsweetened iced tea.
Oh, I like unsweetened iced tea. No, give me sweet tea all day.
No, I like a green tea. Yeah, green tea with some sugar in it.
No, I like it raw. But I like the raw dog green tea.
I'm not talking about green tea. I'm talking about iced tea.
Is that not ice green tea? The brown stuff. But ice green tea is...
That's ice green tea.

So just iced tea?

I think I like that.

Is Snapple sweetened or unsweetened?

Snapple comes in a variety of flavors.

Regular Snapple.

But they have unsweetened.

They have unsweetened.

The standard Snapple is sweetened.

I don't mind it.

I like a little tea.

It's kind of like drinking coffee.

I like it.

All right, Hank, your fourth pick.

Just anything with zero.

Any soda that has a zero is just not a real soda. You try and get it as an option, but it just doesn't work.
Oh, yeah, that's a good call. Mountain Dew zero, Sprite zero, Coke zero.
Yeah. Trash.
I like Cherry Coke zero. Trash.
Okay. Orange vanilla Coke.
That was going to be my last pick. Oh, really? Yes.
Fuck that place. Fuck that commercial.
Do they still even make it? Fuck that drink. I don't know.
Orange vanilla Coke. I will forever hate you.
Hate you. I tried it once, too.
Not good. Not good.
Regular Coke? Great. Orange vanilla Coke? Uh-uh.
I'd like to do a study on the ad campaigns that take over during a certain time of year, whether it's whatever the big ad campaign is during baseball playoffs or during March Madness, and see what percentage of those products actually succeed because I would think that would be very, very low percent. Yes, I agree.
Did you guys have any that didn't get there? O'Doul's is like, why would you drink O'Doul's? But then it's also like if you have an alcohol problem, I guess. But it's also like, why would you drink it? It's just you want to hold something that looks like a beer.
Yeah, that's true. It could be empty.
I threw that on the list, but it didn't make my mouth flush more. And then dip spit, if you know, you know.
Dip spit, yep. Strawberry milk.
Do you guys? Ooh. Yeah, that probably, I don't mind it, but it's not like if you go past chocolate milk to strawberry, you're a psycho.
Right, it's something that but well it's also just something that like the thing next to it is 10 times better 10 million times better in chocolate milk do you guys um trust tree yeah what was the drink called pure it was like called pure oh that's no you should not drink that hank I drank some of that it was water flavored water it was flavored water

I forget

you guys like Dr. Pepper? Yes, I love Dr.
Pepper. I fucking love Dr.
Pepper. Okay.
All right. I never got into it.
It didn't make my list, but I never got into it. I don't mind you going out on a limb with that take, though.
No, I just never. I never.
It was never. I love Cherry Coke.
I love. What's the other adjacent to Dr.
Pepper? Is there another one? Mr. Pibb.
No, not that. I just never liked Dr.
Pepper. I don't know what it is.
You know what I think it is? Is there cinnamon in it? No. You know what I think it is? What's in it? There's something very particular about Dr.
Pepper that is more pronounced than other sodas. If you get a bad mix of a Dr.
Pepper at a McDonald's or at a Taco Bell or bell or wherever it tastes awful if you get a good mix there's nothing better than it yeah and revel henry lockwood uh fun fact of the day i was dr pepper wasn't even on my radar until they started doing the rebranded 23 flavors thing yeah like whatever it was probably 10 15 years ago at this point and then i was like oh i gotta try this. You remember Dr.
Pepper 10? Their whole ad campaign was it's not for women. Yeah.
That didn't really work. How about orange juice extra pulp? Oh, yeah.
Pulp. Get out of my face.
I could take a light pulp just so that you know you're drinking real oranges. But extra pulp is fucking disgusting.
I don't want to drink fuzz. It's gross.
I would say going back to Dr. Pepper, that's definitely on the Mount Rushmore of items that dads will write letters about being like, I think they changed the flavor in this.
It tastes different than I'm used to. I also think Dr.
Pepper is like the most either you love it or hate it drink. Yeah.
You know what I mean? There's not a lot of people who are like, eh, I don't know about Dr. Pepper.
I don't like it. I think you're the only person that I've ever met that doesn't like Dr.
Pepper. Really? Yeah.
I know people who don't like Dr. Pepper.
I used to be a vocal, you know. Should I try it again? Yeah.
I haven't tried it in a long time. Let's get you back into it.
What about tonic water? I should have said tonic water. I hate tonic water.
Yeah. Seltzer.
Isn't that club soda? No, no. Big difference.
So there's like a gin and soda, which tastes like the soda tastes like nothing. Just bubbles.
Tonic water might have been what you're thinking of. It has sweetness, right? No, it's like bitterness.
Oh. Okay, I don't know what tonic is then.
Tonic is just trash. And when it's mixed with gin, that's my least favorite type of alcohol.
So it's like shit on shit. Right, right.
All right, I think we had a good list. Anything else you guys had? Bubba, you got anything? Bubba, you don't like anything? You love everything, right? Especially body armor.
Shout out body armor. I've been chugging body armor.
Me too. That's the official sponsor of Buns of Anarchy.
I'm not going to say it. Big ride tomorrow against the golf nerds.
There you go. I'm not going to...
What's the good thing about Brooks' haircut? Oh, yeah. He looks like a fucking cop.
He looks like a Florida police officer. I thought I was going to say something else.
A highway patrolman. I was going gonna say he looks like a combination of every host of come town he's just blending them all together yeah pushed them all together no he looks like he with the mustache he looks like a cop he looks like a crooked cop cop that will just take the cocaine right off of you bet the florida cop send you on your way um yeah the uh so yeah body I was going to say is I'm not a scientist, but we don't have coronavirus and we've been chugging body armor.
I'm getting tested for the antibodies. So I'll let you know this weekend.
Where? And if I got the antibodies in my system, can I bring a vial of your blood? Can we give you some blood? Yeah. Just cut yourselves real quick before I get out of here.
How are you getting tested? I got to connect. Oh, wow.
PFT is rich and famous. He's doing it while other people can't.
No, there's a website you can go on to. Damn.
That's fucking, you know, Rudy Gobert and the Jazz all got tests. Well, I'm a professional athlete as well.
What? They put me at the front of the line. What? If you had it.
Yeah. I'm hoping you had it because that means we probably had it.
You had it. So I think I had it right when we got back from the super bowl and there was like a lot of time together there was a week and a half when i was like ping pong just sharing that ball i was mixing nyquil with c4 i was like i was dousing my body nyquil every day i actually went to the doctors which i never do because i was coughing so much so i think i might have had it do you think if i had it you guys definitely were exposed and just didn't have we were asymptomatic which means we're big ballers and then we can give our berserkers the biggest ballers uh we should if you're asymptomatic you are a certified big baller we should also get in real quick to uh what happened with tom brady this morning oh yeah so tom brady wandered into a neighbor's house i thought you I thought you were going to talk about my Twitter power.

No, he was trying to...

What do you mean, Hank?

You guys go.

I'll go second.

Okay.

No, no, no.

Hold on, PFT.

Go ahead.

What'd you do, Hank?

So, I'm sure you guys follow Tom Brady on Twitter.

No, I do not.

I mean...

Yeah, I do.

Actually, I don't know what to say.

You were about to say his Twitter game sucks. No, I'm going to say you're missing out.
I'm going to say you're missing out. It's good.
Now it's like, I don't know what you're missing out because it's going to be all pro bucks. So it's at Tom Brady, but it's like, you know, you can have your name.
So it's like you're at Barstool Big Cat, but your name just shows up as Big Cat. Right.
His name showed up as at Tom Brady, and then underneath it was at Tom Brady. So he just had an unnecessary at.
So I quote tweeted one of his tweets and said, can someone tell Tom he doesn't have to have the at in front of his name? 20 minutes later, it was gone. Wow.
Good job, Hank. So why didn't you do that like two months ago and say, can someone tell Tom Brady I want him to stay with the Patriots? I, you know, I wish I did.
In hindsight, that was going to be my fire fest is like, I just didn't want to sound, you know, make it all about me. But wait.
He changed his Twitter to that because it wasn't always like that in his display name. Right.
But you shamed him back. I didn't shame him.
I just saw it. I was like, can someone tell him that it doesn't have to be this way? Apparently someone did.
Perfect. You did.
Perfect. Good job, man.
All without a blue checkmark. You did that, news of tom brady's day mark on this podcast was tom brady wandered into the wrong house he he pulled a uh i'm here for the gangbang knocked on a door walked into the kitchen dropped his duffel bags he thought he was at byron left which is a little special hey hey the key card worked hey all card all those different apartments looked same.
The key worked. So he walks in.
What do you want him to do? He walks in, drops his duffel bags, and he's like, oh, shit, I'm in the wrong house. I actually do believe he was probably there to fuck that guy's wife.
And then the guy was, he happened to be home. I did love the guy being like.
Wasn't it the offensive coordinator? No, it was next door to Byron Lefkowitz. But I did love the guy being like, I actually had no problem with it.
Tom Brady. That was cool.
No shit, dude. Yeah.
When the six-time Super Bowl champion walks in your house, it's a little different than some rando walking in your house. Yeah, but although in Florida, they do have the right to shoot you dead on the spot.
Could you imagine if that's the way he went out? Do you think Belichick gave him the wrong address? Maybe. Like hacked into his phone and was like, hey, this is where you should go.
Maybe. Damn.
Tom Brady's, is he getting too old? But our good friend Mike. You keep looking at me like this.
I want to see if we get Hank to switch that quickly. No, I'm never going to switch.
I've thought about it more since the other day. And honestly, I was thinking about it like Rob Gronkowski and Tom Brady brought me so much joy over the years.
Watching them play brings me so much joy. I can't turn it off.
I'm going to be rooting for the Bucs when they make good plays. It's going to make me happy inside.
I can't just sit here and be like, I can't. I can't.
So, Hank, in a survey of 20,000 people, 61% said that Brady and Gronk would go into the Hall of Fame as Bucs if they won a Super Bowl. What? What do you think about that? That was a poll you did? Yeah.
Wow. 61%.
That's crazy, isn't it? Was this like on the Che Hive Twitter? No, no. This was 20,000 people replied to this.
That's a lot of people. Where is it? What? I know there's a punchline coming.
No, there's not. I know there's a punchline coming.
61%? Of who? Where was the poll put up? On my Twitter handle. How did you preface it? That's my favorite thing that Clay Travis does, by the way.
He's like, do you think that they should play SEC football tomorrow? Yeah. Well, 95% of America says yes.
He did it. The best was Cousin Sal when Clay said, if Bernie Sanders wins the DNC, would you vote for Trump or Bernie Sanders? And his Twitter poll had 96% Trump.
And Cousin Sal's like, you think you know a guy? Revelle does it too, where he'll just be like, yo, you know your followers are totally different. Yeah, it was not an accurate sample size, yet the poll does exist.
I just did a poll like, what's your favorite NFL team? And the Bears one's like, wow, they're the most popular team in the nfl that's incredible that's nuts uh but shout out to our guy mike florio because he's all over these rules violations recently he pointed out he's the covid police no well no this isn't about covid he pointed out that players cannot meet with coaches at any time prior to the start of the offseason program so tom brady admits he was going to go meet with Byron Leftwich. I love it too because Florio, this is Florio's personality and we love him because he knows the rules and he follows the rules.
He's a lawyer. He never has lost a case he won.
That's all he does. The source said it was totally illegal.
They should be fined. Plus plus i bet those duffel bags had footballs in them so he was going to go practice throwing with his quarterback coach against the rules yes so tom brady he gets out of the patriot way all of a mess around doing illegal football activities i think it's also like because people will probably say this structure is hypocritical because ravelle but ravelle's just a Florio, I think the interesting part with Florio is he just knows all the rules for the NFL.

That's the fascinating part.

He knows rules that no one knows.

Well, also the NFL is built.

Yeah, they just know all the rules.

It's like when he says that, I'm like, wow, that's crazy that that's a rule.

The NFL is built around having a very, very, very rigid rule structure in place. Like Roger Goodell thinks he's a police officer.
He thinks that it's black and white about everything. So therefore, it's okay for Florio to be like, hey, this is your rule book that you claim that you enforce.
Why aren't you following it right now? So I guess Tom Brady, he needs Bill Belichick to keep him on the straight and narrow because it looks like he's going down a bad path. Habitual line stepper.
Bad path. Even with that being said, the thought of Tom Brady and Byron Lefkowitz just throwing bombs to each other in the backyard is a pleasurable thing to think about.
That is pretty cool. I bet you Byron Lefkowitz can throw a ball farther than Tom Brady right now.
Yeah. He's another one of those guys.
That's what I'm saying. They can just get out there and just throw cannons to each other.
Lefk be 70 years old and having his old offensive lineman carry him around on one leg. And still throw 85 yards.
A bomb. A bomb.
All right, let's get to it. Really awesome interview.
Very different with a Dungeons & Dragons. What was he called? A master? Dungeon master.
They're called Dungeon master. DMs.
Taught us how to play, answered all of our questions, and then we played.

We're going to get right back to the show.

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All right.

Back to part of my take. And now, Dungeons & Dragons.
And now for something completely different. Okay, we now welcome on Tim Woods.
He is a professional game master. So we want to learn about Dungeons & Dragons and gaming of this sort in general, and we figured this would be perfect because you know it back and forth.
So we're going to probably play a game, but let's start with some basics. Just the very first basic, how do you become a professional game master? Well, I will say this, that there are many, many game masters out there.
Me becoming a professional and doing this as my full-time job is definitely much uh definitely the exception rather than the rule this is your full-time job this is my full-time job now i'm happy to say this is i'm very lucky and very fortunate to have that a lot of the work i do is worth with younger kids uh so i run after school programs but about 50 of my games are with adults or kind of a mix it'll be like families like a mom and dad playing with their kids or something like that okay and my specialty is bringing the game of dnd to new players that's what i do people who are new to the game interested but and excited but no familiarity necessarily with the game that's kind of my uh clientele right yeah so you did kind of hit the jackpot i mean like growing up if you could be told like if you were to speak to yourself when you were 11 12 years old however young you were when you first picked up the game like this is going to be your job oh how excited would you i would have probably had a meltdown that would have killed me if you had told me that information at that point i could not have physically handled that information at that point it would have been too overwhelmed but uh i'll say this that like going into education and learning how to first be a teacher was kind of what opened my eyes to the idea that teaching and dungeon mastering are very, very similar. I like to think that I take a game that is very often viewed as intimidating and make it very welcoming to people.
And people who love this game aren't necessarily the best at making it feel welcoming. It's so complex that it can in fact feel overwhelming when you talk to a big hardcore fan of it and when you hear the stories they don't always make sense it's like how how does this story take place in this game whereas i'm all about let's take 10 steps back and start from scratch and we're going to learn the game as we play and just move through things in the simplest way are you are you at a place where you can laugh at the haters uh yeah 100 okay because i would imagine if dungeon and dragon has been your hobby your whole life i'm just going to take a guess that like you might have been bullied for it a little but now you're at a point you're like hey look you're working an accounting job i'm laughing all the way to the bank that's awesome i mean i'm truly passionate about this one little niche of gaming that i think should be much bigger which is tabletop role-playing games dnd and all the other games like it and i know that i'm weirdly specialized and that will make me alienating to some people but to other people who want to know about this game i'm like hopefully bringing it in a positive fun way how short can a game be like attention spans yeah not our strong suit i mean I'll say this.
Generally, I run three-hour games. That's the average.
Oh, fuck. It's like baseball.
Yeah, once you go under two hours, you can start a game, but you can't really get to a cool wrap-up conclusion in an hour or two. Okay, got it.
I mean, you can get a good idea of what the game's about and stuff stuff but it's not quite the feel of a real good session we could always do like a cliffhanger that's true yeah we haven't come back um should we try to get into one let's see if we can we should yeah yeah maybe i don't even know where to start so you're gonna have to help us with that absolutely just the basic start. In theory, the kind of default adventure that I always

start people off with... Wait, so there's

no board? It's just a bunch of dice? I mean, we can do

this with a board. Whatever you think.

We can do this without any

of the stuff that I would normally need. The only

thing that you really need is a dice. A D20

is the only thing that you need. So I was just handed a D20

so there's 20 numbers on it. We also brought all

these costumes here. I want to make sure that we

put them on as appropriate. Should we get dressed up now? You absolutely could if you want, totally.
Okay. I do run birthday parties where people wear costumes and stuff.
All right, PFT will get dressed up and I'll keep talking, then I'll get dressed up and he can keep talking. Do you, don't take this the wrong way, do you own a cat? I don't own a cat, no.
I don't own any pet. Okay.
All right. Would you say most people in the D&D own cats or dogs? Honestly, there's obviously a lot of nerdy things going on with D&D players.
I'm trying to think if I've heard a popular pet, but I feel like I've seen mostly dogs, a good mix of dogs and cats. There we go.
Perfect. What's the biggest controversy facing D&D world? Oh, here's the thing.
Popular controversy all the time is what edition are we playing? And currently the edition is fifth edition. What will happen is eventually there will be a new edition.
Sixth edition will come out. And everybody will probably fucking hate it at first.
Everyone will be really mad about it. That's like when they do an update on Twitter.
When you do any kind of update, everybody flips out. Absolutely.
So you have the people who like the old ways better. And so right now, 5th edition is very popular because it's very streamlined and very easy for new players to pick up.
That is what I love about 5th edition. But older editions have other things going for them.
And so there are other games that use older kind of rule sets from D&D originally, like Pathfinder is a game that uses, I would argue, a much more complex rule set that allows for maybe more things to be done, but otherwise has a lot of complexity that maybe isn't as appealing to a certain demographic of players. That's maybe the most relatable...
Don't hog it all, PFT. That's the most relatable thing't don't hog it all pft that's the

most relatable thing that you said is like basically everyone everyone gets mad whenever there's a new game and it's not like oh i prefer this and you prefer that it's you like the bad one and you don't even know why your version is so much worse than mine and unfortunately that's where people stop listening and start just arguing why the other side likes worse games or more limiting games, let's say, than others. Can you tell me a little bit about the history of D&D, like how it was invented? Absolutely.
Actually, so my dissertation that I wrote to get my PhD was on... Wait, wait, wait.
You have a doctorate in D&D? I have a doctorate in... You literally live the dream.
Basically, my specialization was in taking D&D into the classroom. What can people learn from it? What happens when you bring tabletop games or ideologies from them, pedagogical styles from them into the classroom? What does that look like? How can people benefit? And in order to study that, I absolutely had to look into the history of D&D.
What I found fascinating was D&D came out of war gaming, but how war gaming was people simulating battlefield situations and recreating civil war battles and stuff, but how war gaming emerged very much from people in the military trying to teach each other. And one of the first war games, Kriegspiel, was written out as a set of rules that look like a game, but certainly aren't a game, because we're doing very serious things here, is what the title boiled down to.
And this denial... Is that German? That is German.
So it's like war game. It was the original simulation of the battlefield on a board.
And it was simply Gary Gygax and the original creators of D&D sitting down and saying, what if instead of an army, we just have one person we control? What if I control one dude and you control another dude and my dude can cast spells, but your dude has armor? And all of a sudden, that's when it stopped being being about armies and started but it was always about taking something like a battle or some idea and then using the game to teach in some way and so i always argue it's educational first and foremost and only later did we start making these into forms of entertainment got it kind of secondarily so when we when someone plays do they need uh like a master to complete a game? They do need a game master. And most game masters work with their friends for free.
Most game masters are not paid, but very often it is understood that the game master is doing a lot more work. They're kind of doing a lot more preparation.
And so very often free pizza, snacks, they are given maybe some benefits. but most people unless you have a friend who is willing to step up and DM

or Free pizza, snacks, they are given maybe some benefits. But most people, unless you have a friend who is willing to step up and DM or groups who kind of rotate who the game master is, if you don't have that, then a lot of people, unfortunately, are out of luck.
Well, we have it, so let's do it. Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, so are you handing me the die? Now, does PFT get one as well? Absolutely. You can each take one D20.
Okay, here you go. 20-sided die, huh you go 20 sided die huh all right and this d20 is going to be used for pretty much everything we do in the game anytime you try to do something in the game you're rolling this die you're trying to get a high number 20 is the best you can get it means you are getting something spectacular if you roll a one you done goofed something really bad is going to happen to you and i'll probably describe it but you'll be adding bonuses and rather than doling out character sheets to you I would be handing you sheets with a lot of numbers and a lot of little notes about what your character can and can't do I would just be letting you know based on what character you choose what bonuses you would have to keep things simple but picking your character is a big part of the game so I'll say as a way introducing that, there are four main categories of characters in D&D.
There are the fighty types, the ones who wear armor and use weapons. There are the ones who cast spells that do attacks and elemental damage and stuff like that.
There are the casters who support people by healing and doing other cool buffing magic. And then there are the sneaky types.
The sneaky types are the ones who go around scouting and backstabbing people. Got it.
All right. What do you want to be, Pia? I mean, I feel like I'm the sneaky type, right? Sneaky types, absolutely.
I'll be the fighter type. Fighty type, I like it.
Do we need another player? You can have another player if you want. Hank, do you want to roll over there? Yeah.
You can roll. All right, so you be a...
You want to be a caster? The spell. Wait, what was the second thing you said? So we've got a fighty type, a sneaky type, and then the spell casters.
Either a healing support spell caster or an attack magic. He's an attack spell.
Anything that has to do with spelling is his special type. All right.
So take it here. You need a die.
What do you call it again? I call it the D20. The D20.

It's a 20-sided die.

And so in the game, they'll say things like the D6, that's the six-sided die.

The D8 is the eight-sided die.

And mainly, we just use the D20 to try to do different stuff.

Okay.

And if you are a fighty type, I would let you know you have the choice between being a fighter who is just specialized in combat, a paladin who is like a holy warrior, or a monk who is kind

of like a martial artist, the punchy kind, a karate master.

There's also a ranger who is kind of the bow master, the Aragorn type character, the

Legolas, the archer, woodsman, as it were, and I know I'm actually the barbarian.

I'll be a barbarian.

Of course, the raging barbarian.

Perfect.

Good choice. Fantastic.
Perfect. The barbarian's power is you rage and swing your axe.
Very straightforward. And as the sneaky type, you get two choices.
You could either be the rogue, which is the straightforward sneaky type, or you could be the bard, who is kind of the musician we were talking about. He's a jack of all trades, can do a little bit of magic, a little bit of sneaking, and a little bit of everything, kind of.
I think you're your bard sounds mighty tempting right now. Absolutely.
Although, you did kind of, you steered me away from the bard earlier when you told me about that creep that... Yeah, but just don't be a creep.
Okay, I'm going to be a not creepy bard. Oh, this one.
20. All right, Hank's got it.
So then, Hank. All right.
So, Hank, you're a warlock? Yeah. Absolutely.
All right, let's do it. Now, does it matter that I'm holding a hammer? I feel like, does a bard carry a sledgehammer ever? Bard can carry, generally no.
They wouldn't have a sledgehammer, so if you want to trade swords, the barbarian would be wielding that big old thing. I just want to make sure this is realistic.
This thing is awesome. Absolutely.
I'm going to go ahead and say you're a barbarian with a two-handed hammer. That's a really great weapon for you to have.
There you go. Boom, boom, boom.
So if we are starting out a really quick little D&D adventure, like say the beginner box. The beginner box is a perfect little introduction to D&D because it gives a little bit of an adventure that we can at least start today.
And it gives us a little idea of what a typical adventurer's day is like. But we are in the city right now of Neverwinter.
And Neverwinter is a city along the region called the Sword Coast. It is along the coast.
Absolutely. And so it is kind of a it's in a chilly region, but it is a warm city because of a nearby volcano.
And that's why it's such a big populous city. And we all have one thing in common in the city of Neverwinter.
We are friends with a guy named Gundren Rockseeker. Now, Gundren Rockseeker is a dwarf.

He's a dwarf who owns a shop in a far, well, not that far, three days away, is a village called Phandalin.

And he owns a shop there. And Gundren was wondering if we would be able to deliver a package to the town of Phandalin.

Do we know what's in the package?

He sounds like a drug addict.

His name's Rockseeker?

Gundren Rockseeker, yes. You think he is part of a long, dwarven lineage of the Rockseeker family, who are miners by profession.
But this was a long time ago. Now they are merchants, apparently.
But he tells you that he does need something delivered to Fandle, and he has told you what is in there is just supplies to help the town grow. Apparently there's a keg of beer, there's a lot of lumber, and there's a lot of mining picks and shovels, things that they can't build in town but need delivered to them from Neverwinter.
That's musical and nice. Good stuff, yes.
And Gundren is inviting us to dinner because he's wondering if we have any questions for him about payment or anything like that. But he is letting us know at dinner.
The thing is, I was hoping to take this delivery meself. Just one wagon load and I was planning on leaving tomorrow morning with it.
And he turns to a friend of his, a friend who's a human with a bow on his back, who's kind of like elbowing Gundren kind of urgently. But you don't know what he's elbowing him about.
But Gundren looks at his friend, the human, and he says, we've got to actually leave tonight. Some business has come up, and we'll need to leave about 12 hours earlier.
I don't trust this guy. I was just going to say right now, I don't trust this guy.
You know something's going on here, and he's not telling you everything. So if you want to persuade Gundren to reveal more information, somebody here would make a persuasion check, and it'll tell us right now, we've got a bard in this group, is that right? Yes.
So the bard, you're going to have the best persuasion skill by far. You would have a plus five to your roll on that.
Okay. At first level.
So if you give that a roll, you can try to convince Gundren. Is that what you would like to do, however? That's one way you could find out.
Another way is somebody could roll an insight check to try to read his face and be like, what's he hiding from me? Like a poker player. Like a poker player, exactly.
What about rolling and just put him in a headlock and be like, tell us what you're doing. You would be the best at that, Barbarian, and you could try to either do that by actually headlocking him with an athletics check.
You'd have a plus five on this. Or you could just make it look like you're going to do that to him with an intimidate check, and you'd have a plus four on that.
However, you know that if you intimidate him and fail, probably he's going to be real mad at you. Okay, but he's a dwarf.
He's a dwarf. He's really small.
I'm going to pause for a second. Relatively.
Pause for a second. Are we all working together? In theory, yes, but you don't have to be.
Got it. We will work together.
Alright, so what do we want to do you think? Should I put this dwarf in a headlock? I feel like you should put him in a headlock. All right.
I'm going to put him in a headlock. Absolutely.
You're going to put him in a headlock. Now, are you trying to mainly just be intimidating and fake this? No, we want to know what the hell's going on.
Yeah. Yo, dude, just tell us.
Now, I'm going to ask you a question. Are you raging before you put Gundren in a headlock? Ooh.
Yeah. Because if you rage, you'll get to roll two times and take the higher

of the two numbers.

You let out a roar.

You're angry. Gundren almost falls

backward in his seat and the human

next to him kicks his chair back and

stands up like he's reaching for his bow.

I don't trust the human, by the way.

He's armed.

You can roll once and you're adding plus five

to this.

15 plus five. You got a 20 and you have grabbed Gundren already.
Just roll one more time to see if you did any better than that. You definitely grabbed him.
And now I do get to roll against you, so I'm just going to roll real quick to make sure. Nope.
He got a two, which is like a total of four for him. He is severely headlocked by you.
Now he's shouting, let me go. Let me go.
What do you want? What do you want, Fred? I was going to pay you. What's this about? What's going on? Now, what do you want to say to him? I want to know.
What the hell's in the package and why is this human dude just telling you we've got to leave tonight? I've got a theory about the human dude, though. I feel like Gundren might have been, like he might be under duress from the human.
Well, okay, so just tell us what's going on, man. He might be attacking the wrong guy.
He blurts out at this point, I told you true. It's just some ale, some mining picks.
There's nothing hidden in the wagons. Now go ahead and roll your Intimidate check, but now you earned advantage because of putting him in a headlock successfully.
So you get to roll that two times now. All right.
Four, not good. So you got an eight so far, but let's see if you do any better with this one.
Okay. Four again.
With an eight, the human is looking at you stony-faced right now. He's like, what do you think you're doing right now? But he seems to think that you're not actually going to do anything to Gundren, And he points at you without drawing his bow, and he says,

if you release the dwarf, I'm sure we can talk things through.

But he hasn't said anything.

Now, Gundren is blurting stuff out.

He's saying, listen, listen, we have to leave early because I got to meet my brothers.

I found something that I need to show them, and it's quite urgent.

And the human's going, hey, Gundren, Gundren, you don't need to talk about this. This guy's going to let you go in just a second, isn't he? And he's looking at you like you better let him go.
But Gundren's saying, I wanted to bring something to my brothers. It's just something, quickly, I needed to show them.
Just a little something. Nothing to do with you.
Nothing, no double crossing. Nothing like that.
So it's up to you whether you believe Gundren or this other human or not.

Is there a possibility that we can use one of Hank's spells to make them tell the truth?

Absolutely.

I would say that if you are a warlock, Hank, one of the spells that you could have might be Charm Person.

And Charm Person, if you cast it upon one of these characters, only one, I roll a saving throw.

And if they fail that saving throw, they just remembered, oh, wait, I'm best friends with you. I love this guy.
But if they pass the saving throw, then they know that you tried to charm them with magic. Let's try it.
Or they'll still don't notice. Yeah.
Let's charm them. Let's try it.
Now, I'll say that if you charm the human, Gundren's in a headlock right now. He won't see you casting the spell.
But the human will. It's just the human, if he's charmed, will be like, oh, that was probably a nice spell that you cast on me, right? So I'm going to roll his saving throw, and we're hoping he does bad on this.
Oh, no. Was that 16? I am sorry to say that the human with the bow on his back looks at you and says, nice try, dark magician.
But I am an elf,

or I am partially an elf,

and I'm harder to charm than that.

Wait, did we learn something there, though?

We didn't know he was partially an elf.

You are noticing he does have slightly pointed ears.

I used to think I was an elf when I was a kid

because my ears were pointing.

Yes, absolutely.

All right, so we're in a pickle now.

So I got this guy,

I got this dwarf guy in a headlock,

and Hank just lost his spell. Now what the hell do we do? He got made.
So basically they know Hank's a cop. Right.
The police. They definitely know that he's not only a warlock, but is casting spells upon them.
And the human's quite angry. He turns to Gundren and says, Gundren, I think we picked the wrong people for this job.
And he's getting ready to tell Gundren to make them leave. And Gundry's like, wait, wait, please, please, let me go, let me go.
He's not sharing more information right now, but what would people be doing? He's also not, to be fair, he's not attacking the warlock either, but the human with the bow is saying, you guys should leave. So there's some ulterior motive going on here, but it doesn't seem like they're hostile.
It doesn't seem... You can pick that much up, you think.
You could roll

an insight check to be sure. Oh, let's do it.

Get an insight check on him.

Is that me? You could roll that.

If you are the bard, you might have

a plus three on this, let's say.

Insight check. So what is he looking for? What kind of roll?

You're looking for as high a roll as you can

get.

16! There you go. With a 19, you feel very sure that this, whatever they're hiding, is not at your expense.
You don't think that they're trying to put us out. They just don't want to share something that they're excited about that they do want to share with the brothers.
And that is why they actually... It's like they got a round of golf the next morning.
They got a cool tee time. Okay, so what do we do now? We let him go? You could just let him go if you want.
You could just let him go? Seems like he does still want to tell you. My arm's starting to cramp.
Well, here's the thing. We've shown that we're physically dominant over him, so we're not going to try any funny business on us.
He is letting you know that he's hired you for this because he was worried about brigands, and he's not sure if you were doing this in order to show him how strong you are, but you have succeeded in doing so. He's still willing to pay us the regular fee of 10 gold pieces for us to go to the town of Fandlin.
I think let's do it. Yeah, yeah.
Let's let them go, and we'll carry their package. You can tell that they don't want to enjoy this dinner anymore with us.
They just want us to go back to our homes. Are they paying? I'm not here to make friends.
We are still paying, actually. Okay, they're paying.

It's a business trip.

Yeah, they're paying half now, and then they're going to pay half when we arrive in Phandalin

and meet them there.

Okay, let's do it.

So give us five gold pieces.

Can we negotiate?

Can we say seven now and then three later?

Absolutely.

If you want to roll a persuasion check, you have a plus five on this.

Yeah, let's do it.

That's a five.

Five.

Yeah, you wanted seven now and three later?

Yeah.

He agrees to that.

Should I say, what was the total on that?

It was five.

is That's a five Five, yeah, you wanted seven now and three later? Yeah He agrees to that What was the total on that? It was five plus five Oh, five plus five, a ten you think is just enough to get that deal Okay, good deal So we got seven now Absolutely What if we just said, fuck it, we got your seven, we're not going to deliver it You absolutely could go back to your homes and be like, we do not then follow up. And Gundren will have left the night before and probably not for weeks find out that you stole his money.
I'm kind of feeling that. That's karma, though.
Hank, what do you think? That's some bad karma. I don't think you should.
All right. We'll still deliver it.
Totally. Totally.
I don't want bad karma. Absolutely.
So in theory, you're on this wagon with a mule pulling it, and you're like, yeah, yeah, setting out on this three-day journey to the town of Phandalin. We know that we're a little worried about some brigands along the way, but as we journey our first and then our second day down what is called the High Road from Neverwinter further to a city called Waterdeep, and then we break off into an area called the Tribor Trail, where it becomes a bit more rugged.
We still haven't run into any threats. Nice.
But up ahead, we are noticing something on the third day, just before we're reaching maybe our final day, where we'll be at Phandalin. We can see that something is in the road up ahead.
It looks like two lumps, and everyone can roll a perception check. You would have a plus two on this.
Alright, I got a plus two. I'm rolling it right now.
I got a six. Not great.
Oh, that's actually a nine, it looks like. Oh, that's a nine.
Does that come up often? It's going to be the dot at the bottom. Okay, got it.
If there's a dot or a line, it's always at the bottom. Nine, so eleven.
You got an eleven. You can tell these are two horses, it looks like, lying in the road with apparently saddles on.
Yes. Shit, they're dead? You think they're dead, but you can't tell for sure.
They look either unconscious or dead. Is Johnny Cueto around anywhere? That's a bummer.
That's a bummer. Johnny Cueto, he's killed two horses.
Alright, so what do we do now with these two horses? I mean, we can also roll other perception checks to see if anybody else picked up details you didn't. So if you want to roll your perception check.
You got a four. You did not even.
You see lumps. That's it, unfortunately.
Bad eyesight. I got a 19.
19. There you go.
Whoa, Hank. Hank, are you lying? You are actually a warlock, and you would have a plus, let's say, three on this, and so your total would be at 22.
At the 22, you can tell that not only do these horses have their saddles on their back, you can tell that one of them is actually not a horse. It's a pony, slightly smaller.
I've always wanted a pony. You can see that all, both the horse and the pony are riddled with arrows, it looks like.
There are about six arrows spread across the two animals. That pisses me off.
As an aside, I'm getting my rage up just to let you guys know. You are raging.
Yep, I'm raging. I would also like to point out that you can roll a check.
This would be a knowledge check, so we're going to add like a plus five history bonus to this. Thirteen.
Thirteen! So you got a plus five for eighteen total? Fuck Fuck yes. 18 total is going to tell you that you know who made these arrows.
You know that they are black and that they have feathered hats, but that they are not very well made. They are quite crude, and you'd bet dollars to donuts that if you were to yank one of those arrows out of one of the horses, it would have a hooked end.
These are goblin arrows. Goblins made these arrows.
So what do we do? In fact, with an 18, you know that local to this area are the cragmaw goblins. And as you notice that, but you think it's really as you hear the barbarian letting out a rage, all of a sudden arrows come flying out of the woods.
There are two arrows. One of the arrows is going to be flying at our warlock first.
Can you have one of us die at some point? We may have that happen right now. Whoa.
Hero or I roll? The person going next would unfortunately be the goblins now because we've all got one chance to go. And they're going to be firing once at the barbarian.
And that is going to be a miss against the barbarian, actually. And then a shot against the bard.
Oh, no. And I'm sorry, Bard.
You got fucked up. But it's more damage coming against you.
No, no. Oh, no.
And I'm sorry to say you took seven points of damage, Bard, and are now knocked out. Your last words were to the barbarian shouting, what did you shout to encourage him? I was trying to give him inspiration.
I was saying, fuck him up, fam. I'm going to say you gave him inspiration.
So as you shout, fuck him up. Fuck him up, fam.
All of a sudden, the arrow lands right in your chest, knocking you out right now, unfortunately. And Barbarian, you would be up now.
I've got to finish these losers off. So what do I got to do? So you could either try to climb the tree now and hit one of them with an axe, or a hammer, which deals a lot of damage.
Or you throw a javelin probably at the injured one to finish. All right.
We've already done the javelin. Let's go.
Let's climb this tree. Absolutely.
And fight him like a man. Now, you have two options here.
You can either swing your axe, and that's one dice roll. Or if you try to use athletics to grab him and throw him out of the tree, you would actually have advantage on us.
Okay. Let's do that.
Let's do that. All right.
So I roll both? You can roll both and take the higher number. And he needs to roll against you on that.
17, baby. 17.
So far you're succeeding. Just roll one more time and see if you get a crit.
What happens with that? If it falls off the table, it usually never counts. Okay.
13. So we know that with the 22 you got total, you pick this guy up throw him out of the tree And you get to roll this damage against him Is this against the injured or uninjured goblin? I'm going to go against the uninjured Trying to injure that guy I'm giving you 2d6 damage Oh no he spikes into the ground But it's only 3 Oh but you get to add your strength to this.
So actually, you dealt enough damage, just barely, to kill this goblin. When we add your strength bonus to that.
Boom! You spike him literally on the ground football style. From above, and he bounces once, twice, three times on his head.
The head explodes. Nicely done.
Thank you. And now, Bard, since you are knocked out, and one's there to help you just yet, I need you to roll a d20.
And if you get a 10 or higher, you are getting closer to living. But if you roll a 9 or less, you are getting closer to dying.
This is a huge roll. Huge roll! It's 16, baby! Now, that's good.
You have gotten one out of the three successes that you need in order to stabilize. That's like when you're in jail in Monopoly.
Exactly. You need three rolls to get out.
But if you fail three rolls before you get out, then you are dead, unfortunately. There you go.
So that will then bring us to the Warlock. Wait, reset real quick.
So PFT is in trouble. He's down.
Hank has had a little damage. I killed one of the goblins, but one of them is injured.
One of them is injured with two points of damage. Is there two of them? Is there a way to go all in? I just put it all on the table and go for it? In theory, you could use one of your more powerful spells.
You would have used Charm Person on a previous day. So if you want to use a powerful either attack spell or you could try charming one of these goblins again with your charm spell if you want.
If you charm one of them, he'll get two rolls because you're in combat with him right now, but if he fails, he'll stop fighting us. I think this guy's worth more alive to us than he is dead.
You don't actually have to roll anything. I I'm going to roll two times to try to resist your – you know what? This is a dumb goblin.

I'm only rolling once.

He saw his friend get killed, and so he's willing to negotiate.

I'm just going to roll once, and he got a total of a one.

What's fucking – yes.

He pops his head out and says, wait, wait, wait.

You, you.

You friend to goblins?

I think I see you before. I think I see you.
Yes. You friend.
Wait, hold on. Hank, you seen them? Yeah, Hank.
Yo, you're suspect now. No, no, no.
You can tell that our warlock is winking at us, but the goblin's not noticing. I don't trust Hank.
Just put that on the circular file. That's actually good role-playing for the barbarian.
Like, he's not. Yeah, like, yo.
Yeah, you're not smart enough to pick up. Yeah, yeah, it's Johnny Ola in Godfather.
Like, how do you know him? Okay, got it. And so this goblin is still in the tree, but is talking to you right now, and if you roll a persuasion check, and you actually have a plus five on this.
As a warlock, you're quite persuasive because you make deals with creatures all the time. You get to roll two times and take the higher of the two numbers.
Three. Eighteen.
Eighteen plus five is 23. Right now, this goblin is either going to do four things for you or answer four questions.
He'll do four little minor favors for you or four questions. I'm a man of questions.
I'm a man of action questions You have talked to the Cragmaws before You have met my boss And you are a friend of my Cragmaw tribe I know you, I know you Just kid stuff? What are you going to do? I mean, should I do the favors? It's your call I personally would say actions You can personally would say action. You can do a mix of both.
Sorry, you're not clarifying that. A mix of different ones, yeah.
And a question could lead you to more ideas on what to do. So you've got four things you're getting out of this guy now.
What do you want? Where are the rest of your goblins? He points to the north, and he says, You know, you've been to our cave before. Cragmaw hideout.
It's where me live, where Clark live. We, you know, has river flowing out of it, bushes in front.
You know. They seem to know a lot about you, Hank.
You gotta follow Goblin Trail this way. And he points to a part of the road that you didn't notice that does seem to have a teeny tiny little footpath going to the north.
Will we have trouble if we take Goblin Road? Well, you need a goblin to guide you so you don't fall into the two traps. He's just saying that so we don't kill him.
I don't like this goblin. What about if we just don't...
Why shouldn't we kill you? He also told you there were two traps there. So if we want to kill this guy at least then, we do know two traps is what he's mentioned.
So he says, goblins will take you around the two traps. But yeah, you have to watch out for the two traps.
You know that. I'd like him to apologize for killing the horses.
You could make one of your questions ask him to apologize because he's very confused. Why shouldn't we kill you? Why shouldn't we kill you? He said, oh, oh, oh, well, no, kill me, you friend of Kragmaw's.
I, I, uh, Blico, Blico, a good goblin. You should be friends with Blico.
I am, uh, loyal, loyal Kragmaw. You're friends with us.
Don't kill me, please. I didn't do anything wrong.
Question. Sorry for shooting at you, but it was, it was mistake.
Question. Can I kill the goblin and Hank? Because I don't trust Hank now either.
Yes, you, as soon as he's done with his last question, it's your turn. Oh, great.
You're fucked, dude. You're fucked, dude.
You're fucked. I want to point out the goblin is in the tree right now, but you still have two things you can get out of him.
So you could ask him to come out of the tree as one of the questions, and then you still have one left. Seems like it's an inside job, like the fact that they almost knew we were coming.
Hank got like a little bit injured, but not much. Meanwhile, I'm over here bleeding from my neck.
All right, so the first thing is come out of the tree. Yeah, he climbs out of the tree and runs up to you.

Murder my two compadres.

Okay, he will absolutely make an attack against one of them.

He says, which one? Which one? Quick!

The barbarian.

Absolutely.

You better try to take me out first.

He pulls out his scimitar to stab.

Absolutely.

I'll let you roll his attack now because he's under your control.

He has a plus four on this attack. Eleven.
Eleven plus four is fifteen, and that is just enough to hit the armor class of the Barbarian. Please go ahead and if you want to roll a d6, this d6 plus two is the damage.
So it's that, whatever that is, plus two. Two.
Two plus two, so four damage, but as a barbarian who is raging, you take half damage from weapon attacks, so you only take two points of damage. It's the first two points of damage you've taken, so you're not even bloody at this point.
And he goes, That's the best you can do? And then he looks at you and goes, What now? Yeah. Okay.
Is it my turn? He's going to try to hide in a nearby bush as his bonus action real quick. And he is in...
Now, to be fair, he's hidden in there, but you could easily run up to this goblin to attack him or attack him. Don't even want the goblin.
I want Hank. I want to kill Hank.
You can go after him now, totally. Why don't you try to submit the goblin and make him be Hank's pet? I don't care about the goblin.
I want to kill Hank. He just tried to kill me.
Absolutely. So you can rush up to Hank, swing your great axe, I assume.
What do I need? Your ball, I should say. What do I need to roll here? You don't know his armor class yet, but you know it's weaker than yours, which is like 15 or 14.
Okay. Wait, hold on a second.
So just a reset again. Hank is sitting there.
He's already a little injured He's, I believe a little I know the Bard got injured And you did get a little injured He's really injured? He's bloodied, so one more attack from you Will definitely take him down You know what, I actually just want to kill off PFT Because he's already almost dead I was actually going to point out he's bleeding out. Yeah, yeah, let's just finish him off.
No, let's finish him off. I don't like this.
I don't like this at all. Hank, truce.
Let's just kill PFT. This is bullshit.
No, no, no. What's funny is he's just trying to kill you.
You're going to trust him? Yeah, because you're already almost dead. I've done nothing to deserve this.
Since he's on the ground, you get to roll two times against him, and if you hit him, it counts as two bad dice rolls. Can I sing a protective song? All right, not unconscious.
What do I do? You roll this two times to make sure you hit him. So far, you're actually hitting his armor on the ground instead of him.
18! And now, you currently have one out of three successes, but you have two out of three failures on your turn, and if you could now roll your last, potentially, d20. So what happens? If he gets a nine or less now, he's dead.
He's officially dead. Here we go, here we go.
And you now have two successes and two failures, but your next dice roll will still determine if you live or die long term.

So what does the guy get here?

I mean, is anyone on their next turn going to be helping him at all?

No.

I just want to check it out.

If we know that, then roll your last one.

Are you, Hank's going to come at me too?

Yeah.

Hell yeah, dude.

You almost did.

You can't trust him.

You're either going to stabilize or die.

The goblin knew every single thing about Hank's personal life. I could have attacked Hank, but I decided not to.
All right, come on. There we go, 13.
Okay, you are going to be stabilizing, actually, and lying unconscious, but your blood has stopped flowing out of your body at the very last minute, considering you got another wound. And then it would be the warlock's turn.
Finish him off, Hank. You could shoot at him on the ground.
I want to go back at Big Cat. Oh! You little fucker! You little fucker! Plot twist.
Now go ahead and roll for your goblin first. Your goblin gets two d20 rolls.
Come on, Hank. Because he's hidden.
Come on, Hank. Ten? Ten.
So far, so good. Roll one more time, though, just to see if you crit.
Sixteen. Sixteen, that's definitely a hit, and you can roll that D6 plus 2.
1. 1 plus 2.
That sucks. It gets halved down from 3 to 1 damage against you.
You have a total of 3 damage. You're still not bloodied.
I'm fine. And then do you want to launch an Eldritch Blast against him? Yeah.
Wait, he can still do that? Because his goblin has attacked. Whatever I can do.
Empty the armory. Three.
Not a hit. Then roll to see if your goblin successfully hides.
Because if it does, it gets advantage on its next attack roll. Four.
He's not hitting anymore. He's trying to hide behind a tree, but doesn't.
What do you want to do? So I got a problem here because I already fucked with PFT, and he's almost dead. But so I don't, I probably, what do I have to roll to kill PFT? What do I have to roll to kill Hank? If you hit him one more time, he is dead for good because you dealt two extra failures.
What does one hit mean? You just need to get one shot at him with advantage that hits his armor. Okay, then what about him? If you hit him, you will probably knock him out with a single attack.
If I do not go at you, will you promise to kill out Hank? Yeah. Oh, yeah, let's stop Hank.
All right, so I'm not going to go at you. He's still unconscious right now.
So what does that mean when he rolls? He just keeps lying, and now when he rolls on the ground, you have stabilized. You don't worry about any failures anymore on your rolls.
It's only people injuring you that can kill you. But if you get a 20, you wake up and start fighting.
Okay, all right. So you got to roll a 20.
We got to kill Hank. All right, so I'm going to go with Hank.
So what do I got to roll here? So you got to roll with a plus five, and I'll just tell you it's a 13 you're trying to get against him. 13, and he's dead? And he's dead.
Kill him. Hank, are you even paying attention? Ready? 10.
And with a plus 5. Fuck.
Plus 5. Oh, yes! Plus 5! 15 is a hit.
Yes! And I mean, we can just roll it. So good! But it's definitely going to be enough because you add plus 5 to this.
That's what you get for hanging out with gobblins? You just roll both of them with a plus 5. It's definitely going to knock him out.
Oh! And it's, I just want to check if it's enough damage. Seven to two.
So you had plus five to this 12 on top of what he already had. Yep.
That would probably actually be an insta-kill hit. Where Hank dies instantaneously.
You messed with the wrong barbarian, bitch. The goblin runs for it now that the charm spell is over.
And that, yeah, that would be. And then you get to roll.
Does this happen often where everyone just turns on each other? You know what? I do run a kids game, so the answer is actually 100% definitely. This happens all the time.
That's so fast for us to turn on each other. I love the idea of a mystery, but then it ends with the barbarian just standing over the party's bodies like I won the mystery.
Where's the dwarf at in all this? The dwarf? That's a really good question. Oh yeah.
Not about that fucker. I mean that goblin is running.
The dwarf had left a day early keep in mind. So he should be at the town of Phandalin already.
But these are probably his horses with the guy with the bow. Are they okay? I wonder.
So what are you rolling for right now? This goblin is running away right now. Now your roll is just, if you get a 20, you wake up and can do something.
Otherwise, you continue lying on the ground and the barbarian gets to do something. Okay.
Seven. And now I will also say, take one more roll.
I am awarding you something called DM's Inspiration. Okay.
It's five. I wanted to see if you would wake up.
But okay, Barbarian, you've got one dead warlock and one bleeding out. As long as you hit with a roll on advantage, you need to get against him 15.
So I get two rolls? You get two rolls and plus five on each of them. So you're going to kill me.
You're probably going to die. 13.
You're doing it. Suck it.
So I won. So you just murdered both of your party members.
You killed all your friends. The goblin has run into the woods, and then you can hear the goblin and tree going, What the? What's going on? I'll kill that goblin, too.
And he's very confused. I'm going to say that if you're looking up at this goblin, the goblin panics, and he is going to be shooting back at you.
He has hit you with that shot. Okay, I close you.
He's just dealt eight points of damage to you, which becomes four. So now you've got a total of seven damage, and you are bloodied.
Are you going to run after that goblin? Yeah, I want to kill him. The goblin goes, I surrender, I surrender.
Are you still swinging at him? Oh, yeah. Okay, you can swing one.
No, well, can I do the thing where it's like, okay, cool, you surrender, and then I hit him after he surrenders?

Oh, like you tell him, okay, I accept your surrender.

Yeah, right.

And then you catch him by surprise.

Right.

Okay, roll two times, then I'll allow it.

Nine?

Nine.

Nine, it was meant to be, but with a nine plus five, you are, this guy has lowered his shield. You are hitting him.
And you get to deal all of this damage against him. It's almost definitely enough.
You have slain this goblin. I won.
And can see the trail going off into the north. See, now you don't know what else is going on.
You killed all your witnesses. Well, we should probably...
We do have to stop at some point. I feel like this is a good spot.
I want to play a full game. I want to play a full game sometime.
We can always continue the story, and there are so many different RPGs out there. We can try out whatever ones we want.
Awesome. We should just do this on occasion, see who can kill everybody else the fastest every time.
I got to say, it was a perfect way to get to a great epic wrap-up. As I was starting to think of, should I suggest good cliffhanger endings? You were like, could I murder everyone? And I'm like, that's a hell of a good cliffhanger right there.
So now you're just out in the open going to starve to death. Congrats.
Yeah, that's fine. No, I'll eat your bodies.
There's nobody to sing you songs and make you happy. I hope you're happy with that, big cat.
All right, Tim. Sounds miserable to me.
Absolutely. This has been awesome, man.
This has been such a pleasure for sure. We've never really done anything like this, and I've really had a fun time.
It's so cool running this for people

who are interested in other kinds of games,

but there's so much overlap at the same time.

Yeah, for sure.

All right.

Well, thank you so much, Tim.

Thank you.

Love you guys. Today is another day to find you I'm coming for your love again.

I'm coming for your love again. Take me me.
Take on me. Take on me.
Take on me. Take on me.
Take on me. Take on me.
Take on me. Take on me.
Take on me. Take on me.
I love you. It's Pardon My Cake presented by Farstool Sports.