Brooks Koepka, Mt Flushmore Of Appetizers, And Deep Dive On Cryptic Zoology

Speaker 1 Hey, pardon my take, listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.

Speaker 3 The Pro Football Football Show is presented by the Chevy Silverado. Built for the hustle, ready for the game, Chevy Silverado is America's most dependable full-size truck.

Speaker 3 Whether you're grinding through the week or gearing up for kickoff, the Silverado is one ride that's always game ready. Just like football, it's about grit, grind, and getting it done.

Speaker 3 Head to Chevy.com to learn more and build your own Chevy Silverado.

Speaker 1 On today's part of my take, we have our good friend Brooks Kepka on the show. Check in with Brooks, figure out what's going on with him, how he's going to attack this shortened golf season.

Speaker 1 Also, he tells us an all-time story about ESPN the magazine, or no, his GQ. No, it's ESPN the magazine's

Speaker 4 issue.

Speaker 1 Bodies issue when he had to be naked all day.

Speaker 4 Always great to catch up with him.

Speaker 1 We also have our deep dive with Billy Football, Mount Flushmore of Appetizers, and who's back of the week?

Speaker 5 When cool, creamy ranch meets tangy, bold buffalo. The whole is greater than the sum of its sauce.
Say howdy, partner, to new Buffalo Ranch sauce only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Speaker 2 At participating, McDonald's.

Speaker 2 Now in the street, there is violence.

Speaker 2 And I not like love the sound of work to be done.

Speaker 2 No place but hang all over washing.

Speaker 2 And then I can't blame all on the song. Oh, no, we're gonna rock it down to Elay Trick Avenue.

Speaker 2 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 2 Oh, we're gonna rock it down to Elay Trick Avenue.

Speaker 1 My tape presented by far.

Speaker 2 Welcome to part of my take presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now.

Speaker 1 Use code Barstool. You get $10 for free, $10 the ASPCA.
Today is Monday, April 13th.

Speaker 1 And I don't know, week 5. Sports are back.

Speaker 1 Week five. Week five.
The start of week five of No Man's Land.

Speaker 4 Sports are back. It's the start of the first quarter of the second quarter.
of the NFL season of No Man's Land with No Sports.

Speaker 4 But we did have horse last night, which I'll tell you right now, I did not watch.

Speaker 4 Did not tune into that. It's Zach Levine.

Speaker 4 That's really the the only it's Zach Levine who competes in every single like off the books contest there is that the that the NBA can throw at you Chris Paul Paul Pierce really no interest in it whatsoever it yeah I'm not gonna watch it either

Speaker 1 unless Zach Levine wins and I'll probably raise a banner in the United Center But it is this weird, we're in this spot, I think it was Friday maybe, was the official month

Speaker 1 that we have had no sports, like the official mark of like, you have now gone one one month without any sports. And it's weird how normal it's starting to feel as much as I miss it.

Speaker 1 I'm getting scared because it's like day, day after day, it becomes more normal, this weird fucking existence where we wake up and just do the same thing over and over and over.

Speaker 1 I need something to break it up. Dana White, I need you to get Fight Island going.
I need something.

Speaker 1 Even

Speaker 1 the MLB throwing out the different divisions that they would use where they're saying they're going to do a shortened season and have it be all played in florida and arizona even that got me excited i was like oh this is kind of a cool idea and i'm actually all for this because it's going to be such a weird season anyway if they play a shortened season then why not have just completely random divisions and have it be something totally different where we always look back and we're like oh yeah that was the season that uh the cubs were in the same division as the giants or you know whatever whatever they all break down to be why not do that it'll be fun to at least watch something totally different right The only thing that we have pulling us forward right now is the NFL draft.

Speaker 4 And thank God that that's there because that's at least giving us something to talk about. It feels normal that it's going to happen.

Speaker 4 Besides that, the only other NFL news is Mike Florio getting mad about players breaking social distancing guidelines. Like, he is a one-man wrecking crew.
Florio, this is like his time to narcotic.

Speaker 4 So the Cowboys are addicted to breaking quarantine. The Dallas Cowboys got together, Dak Prescott through to like Des Bryant.
I think Cooper was there, a bunch of people. And then they had a party.

Speaker 4 They had a party person quarantine party, which is kind of a weird thing to do.

Speaker 4 And then if you're going to have a quarantine party, the rules should be like, put your phone in this basket so that Florio doesn't talk about us all day on Sunday.

Speaker 1 He was right about that one. I mean, having a party is blatantly saying, I don't care.
I'm rich. Who cares about all these rules?

Speaker 1 And I think we need what we really need more than anything is we need like

Speaker 1 a concerted PSA that gets put out across all messages where it basically is all your favorite football players saying, if you don't stay at home and follow these rules, we won't have football.

Speaker 1 Because that's how the world needs to understand this problem. Because

Speaker 1 clearly, like just saying stay at home for the health of your family members, people are like, fuck my family. I don't care about Nana.

Speaker 1 Well, how about stay at home so that you can watch week six, Thursday night football, the Jaguars play the Titans. Now you're going to stay at home forever.

Speaker 4 That's what I'm saying. I never want to leave.
I will stay inside all summer if it means that we have football in the fall.

Speaker 4 But I think that colleges, there's just no chance that they're going to give up an entire football season. They're going to figure out a way to make their free money.

Speaker 4 Like without that free money, then the NC, what's the NCAA even going to do?

Speaker 1 That might be actually a silver lining to this whole thing.

Speaker 4 Like we saw the XFL, they had to close their doors over the weekend.

Speaker 4 A lot of sports businesses are having to shut down because they don't have their income. The NCAA, if they miss a football season, they might have to just declare bankruptcy.
I don't know.

Speaker 4 Can the NCAA run out of money?

Speaker 1 I think they have like billions and billions of dollars stashed away, at least I assume.

Speaker 4 At the very least, if we take away, you know, they lost March Madness. They're worried about losing college football.
Maybe they'll just come out with another NCAA football game.

Speaker 4 Like, right, the break glass in case of emergency.

Speaker 4 We need to make money somehow. So fuck it.
Let's just turn to EA Sports.

Speaker 1 Shout out, by the way, the guy who's totally lost his mind more than anyone in the world, who is invited to come on and rehabilitate the fact that he can't have a coherent thought anymore, like more than one coherent thought in a 24-hour span, Darren Revelle, who tweeted out the ultimate troll about the XFL only playing what, 20 games and the AAF lasting 34.

Speaker 1 And then everyone's saying, cool tweet, dude. And he basically was like, well, the context is implied.
Everyone knows the context. Such a classic Revelle, like

Speaker 1 looking for the negative interaction and then being like, you guys are the stupid ones because clearly everyone knows what I mean.

Speaker 4 I'm going to ban, I'm personally banning muting, or I'm muting replies and I'm personally banning

Speaker 4 responding to Darren Ravel's tweets because that's all he has going for him right now. Correct.
To Darren, his personal sport has always been, how many replies can I get telling me I'm a nerd

Speaker 4 to any given tweet or calling me a narc or reporting me to the police. So I think the only way to fight that is just not pay attention.
So I'm turning a blind eye to Darren.

Speaker 1 And then and then replying to a few, select few being like, hey, I was a nerd in high school, but now I'm rich and I have a family. And it's like the Michael Scott.

Speaker 1 Like, I want to have a family of 100 kids so that way none of them can ever say no to me and they all have to be my friend.

Speaker 4 Yeah, he makes his kids. He's going to make his kids reply to his tweets when we all stop doing it.

Speaker 4 And your kid, too, because he controls your kids. Yeah, he does.
That was the only normal thing that he did. We start that up.

Speaker 4 Yeah, Ravella, he's going off the deep end big time yeah and you know what the xfl it's it sucks uh but i am declaring dc defenders champions of on behalf

Speaker 1 of

Speaker 4 i am accepting the xfl championship uh for the dc defenders congratulations to you guys to the vipers that's not how we wanted to win it uh but the stats don't lie so first place in the beast toughest division hardest strength to schedule uh i'll take it they lost to the vipers

Speaker 4 oh that's fine the vipers were terrible mark trust i mean hey they the Vipers. The Chiefs lost a couple games this year, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's true. They did.

Speaker 4 The Vipers.

Speaker 1 All right, so let's do who's back.

Speaker 1 We got a good show. We got Brooks Kepler coming up.
We have Mount Flushmore, and then we have Billy's Deep Dive, which what is Billy doing today? Do we know? I forgot. Cryptozoology.

Speaker 4 Yeah, so that should be a good one.

Speaker 6 I texted him. I was like, let's try and keep it tight.
And he said, okay, just Bigfoot then.

Speaker 6 Whatever that means.

Speaker 4 I don't know what that means, but I just all roads are going to lead back to berserker mode with Billy this summer. I have a feeling that he's just trying to weave that into whatever conversation.

Speaker 4 Crypto zoology.

Speaker 1 We have a bunch of really good draft content coming up in the next week and a half.

Speaker 4 Oh, and stay tuned for the end of the show because Blake Giska is doing a little outro for him because I kicked his ass on the Peloton.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes. So that will be great to hear him have to sing.
Who's back of the week? Hank, you start.

Speaker 6 Who's back of the week is the Suns.

Speaker 6 Humans versus Suns. I'm sure you guys tuned in, although probably not, because neither did I, but there was the NBA.

Speaker 6 They had the NBA players play in like a 2K tournament, and the championship was Devin Booker versus DeAndre Ayton.

Speaker 6 So they might not be the best NBA basketball team, but they are definitely the most skilled NBA 2K team. Devin Booker won the whole thing, and the Suns are back.

Speaker 1 Is this what they're doing?

Speaker 6 They should raise a banner in whatever their arena is called because they probably don't have much else going on there.

Speaker 1 Is this one of those situations where winning this is kind of like telling on yourself that you're really good at a video game?

Speaker 6 Yeah, I mean, that's kind of what people, there's a lot of people making jokes. Like the fact that it's two sons in the championship doesn't really mean that's not a good thing, I don't think.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 4 Although it could be a good thing because I think weren't the San Antonio Spurs back when they were awesome with Tim Duncan and Tony Parker and Chernobyl.

Speaker 4 They were such nerds and so boring that they didn't go out at all. They just played video games together at each other's houses.

Speaker 4 So it either means that you have an awesome team or that you probably have the worst team.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I think those days of video game shaming are over. I think that's a thing of the past.
And Devin Booker's kind of like the perfect

Speaker 6 Gen Z like NBA guy where it kind of makes sense.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, I don't video game shame now that I'm back in the video game world and just getting bullied every single night by a bunch of like 14-year-olds on Twitch, like just manhandling me.

Speaker 1 I feel like stepbrothers when they didn't take the long route every single night.

Speaker 6 I didn't realize like I had seen people say like F in the chat on the internet for years, and I didn't realize like the context of it is when you're playing Twitch and when you do something bad, they just get overflooded with F's in the chat.

Speaker 6 It's honestly hilarious, but it's like when it happens to you, it's like the most embarrassing thing in the world.

Speaker 1 What does that mean, F in the chat?

Speaker 4 What's worse?

Speaker 6 It means it's like if you throw an interception, if you throw an interception, it'll just be F F F F F F. Like, that was an F play.

Speaker 6 There's like F's in the chat,

Speaker 1 it's hilarious.

Speaker 4 Hank, would you rather hold an F or hold an L?

Speaker 6 I think an L is like an overall game, and F is just like a bad play, but they don't let you forget. Bad moment.
They're going to F you in the chat

Speaker 6 till you mention it.

Speaker 1 Just drowning in F's. PFT, who's your who's back?

Speaker 4 My who's back of the week is Trent Dilfer. He's back in a big way.

Speaker 4 He was handling two of Tagliovoa's pro day for him. Excuse me, his virtual pro day.
Did he get that jet?

Speaker 4 Dilpher did not get the jet. He had to walk there.
He had to hitchhike there.

Speaker 4 He just loaded up in the back of farm trucks, I think, to get to Alabama. And then he reported on the pro day

Speaker 4 by just like doing a write-up in the notes app and said that Tua went like 49 for 52 and made some of the best throws that he's ever made.

Speaker 4 And he did the old Ron Jaworski trick of saying it was the best workout I've ever seen in my entire life. He's got a better arm than Dan Marino, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
So, yeah.

Speaker 4 So, Trent found a way for him to get his name back in the news. So, congratulations, buddy.

Speaker 1 I love that. I watched some of Tua's pro day, and it was weird because it wasn't like the field he was on was a small training field.
So they were running plays in like all the different directions.

Speaker 1 And I must have watched Tua throw like 15 bubble screens because that was how much room. They didn't have enough room.
They ran it like the other, the opposite way, the bubble screens.

Speaker 1 It was very bizarre, but I guess you got to do what you got to do right now.

Speaker 4 Yeah. So Dilfer was in charge of scheduling that.

Speaker 4 Now I'm back wanting Tua. I keep going back and forth like for the Redskins.
I wanted them a couple weeks ago, then I didn't want them. Now I think I want them again.
And I saw like some videos of

Speaker 4 college quarterbacks throwing left-handed, and they look weird as shit. And I don't like the way that a lefty looks in college.
But when you take the stripes off a ball, lefties look sweet again.

Speaker 4 So watching Tua throw with an NFL ball looks good. Like the witchcraft is gone or whatever.

Speaker 4 I think it goes from looking like it's spinning clockwise to looking like it's spinning counterclockwise now that it has the stripes off it. So I'm on board the Tua train.

Speaker 4 How would your Buns of anarchy partner feel about your left-handed comments pft matt liner uh he looked great throwing the ball in the nfl matt liner was a great nfl player looked weird in college throwing it so um he was so much better in college

Speaker 1 take that spin zone back to the shop um did to

Speaker 1 i i i this is the season for actually i just do this for my who's back uh clicking on the threads of highlights of each you know like the different scouts on twitter who like this thread tua's thread here, and then you can click on it and watch basically every throw he made for the entire year.

Speaker 1 I was watching it and there was one, there was one where he had New Mexico State where he threw a 10-yard pass to Jerry Judy. And no joke, not a single person touched Jerry Judy.

Speaker 1 He went 80 yards to the house and he went through like four people on the defense. And that was how much better and faster like they are than the New Mexico states of the world.
So Tua is back.

Speaker 1 You can fall in love with Tua. Like, he's electric.
I'm back in love with him.

Speaker 4 I'm back in love with him. Like, there's something about him that makes you wake up.
I did do some research, though, about lefty quarterbacks in the NFL.

Speaker 4 The last lefty quarterback to throw a touchdown, Kellen Moore. So, we're in a drought right now,

Speaker 4 we're in a left-handed desert. Yes, I don't know.
Maybe Tua will take us out of it, or maybe he's a Mirage. But right now, I'm fully back.
I'm excited by Tua.

Speaker 1 Uh, my other who's back is my belly button. I did a shirtless periscope yesterday and showed my belly button, and then I put it on my Instagram swipe up.

Speaker 1 And then I did the move where an hour later, I went back and watched it and grossed myself out so much that I deleted it off my Instagram swipe up. It was that gross.
So my belly button is.

Speaker 4 It was a deep day.

Speaker 1 It was very back. And it's,

Speaker 1 I don't know what to do.

Speaker 6 Is that like a porn situation? Like you're ashamed of it the second like you're finished or just like

Speaker 1 whatever

Speaker 1 looking at. Yeah, pretty much.
I was like, it was like an outer out of body experience.

Speaker 1 Like, oh, I, and of course, deleting it off off my instagram does nothing because there's a video out there of like the whole thing that's you know out there so but it was just one of those like oh get this out of my face yeah it's pretty much the pouring like x out of it as fast as you can but for my own body so you're just a shit has it gotten deeper though i don't know i think so i think probably um i think as the belly grows the deeper it gets you know yeah and after after a baby too that can probably like widen it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, definitely.

Speaker 4 Yeah, sympathy weight. Yeah.
Well, I also just sitting down more, you've probably been sitting more often.

Speaker 4 And I feel like that does something to the consistency around like right that midsection there. Yep.

Speaker 4 Whereas if you're standing up, walking around, you're stretching out all the skin around the belly button.

Speaker 1 It's like a big jelly donut. Yeah.

Speaker 4 So yeah, it's like that's just quarantine belly.

Speaker 1 I should put some jelly in there and see how long it will last.

Speaker 4 Before like just before it disintegrates, it just gets absorbed by your body.

Speaker 1 I actually had the idea

Speaker 1 earlier today, our dietician, Billy Football, who will be on later, like, what if I just started drinking baby formula every single day? Do you think I would lose weight?

Speaker 1 Uh,

Speaker 4 baby formula, no, baby food, yes.

Speaker 4 So, if you were eating like the creamed peas and like the blended carrots and stuff, if you did nothing, you ever see that movie Forks Over Knives when that Australian dude was like, I'm gonna solve cancer by just drinking vegetables all day?

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 4 so he

Speaker 1 pretty much claims Alex Guerrero

Speaker 4 every meal, yeah. He's the Australian Alex Guerrero, Chilean Alex Guerrero.
Excuse me.

Speaker 6 I can laugh at those jokes now. That's a good one.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 But so he claims to have like solved every single problem with the human body and health just by drinking juice for every meal instead of eating things.

Speaker 4 So what you should do is just, according to his study, if you do nothing but just eat pureed vegetables all the time, you can't get fat and you can't get, you'll never die because it's just 100% nutrients that your body's getting.

Speaker 1 This is like David Bowie did this in the 70s where he just did cocaine and drank milk all the time and became like

Speaker 1 70 pounds.

Speaker 4 Yeah, Keith Richards, he just stayed tweaked out too much his entire life and just stoned as fuck, just drunk high,

Speaker 4 just on meth, grinding his teeth down, but he didn't eat meat. So he's still alive right now.

Speaker 1 It's crazy to think back about like some of those famous rockers.

Speaker 1 Like at some point in time, there was someone's job in life and probably paid pretty well was to just make sure that David Bowie drank enough two milk, two percent milk to stay alive.

Speaker 1 That was it, but that was their entire job.

Speaker 4 And it was the exact same thing with Keith Richards, except with Jack Daniels.

Speaker 4 And they probably had people that would just like that they would pay to just roll them over on their sides whenever they passed.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like here, let's just make sure, like, oh, all right, another day at the office. David Bowie just drank his gallon of whole milk.

Speaker 1 We're done for the day clocking out here as he like snorts like a kilo of cocaine.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 4 Another healthy day in the books for old Bowie.

Speaker 1 All right, let's get to our interview.

Speaker 1 We got Brooks Kepka, Blake Kepka on the show. Before we do that.

Speaker 2 Hey, it's PFT here reminding you that Boarshead makes game day entertaining elevated and effortless.

Speaker 2 Whether you order catering platters ahead from your local Boarshead retailer, or you create your own spread at home with Boarshead premium deli meats and cheeses, you are sure to impress your guests.

Speaker 2 My favorites like oven gold turkey or blazing buffalo style chicken, paired with their classic Vermont cheddar or creamy Munster cheese, are sure to score big and help me elevate my entertainment every time, whether it's for a tailgate or a home gating celebration.

Speaker 2 Seriously, guys, it's a game-changing flavor for every gathering. Boarshead, committed to craft since 1905.

Speaker 1 Okay, here he is, Brooks Kepka.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on good friend of ours, recurring guest, a nominee for Blake of the Year 2020, which we don't even know when when that's going to happen now.

Speaker 1 Actually, it's the only sport that is coronavirus-proof.

Speaker 2 I was going to say, we should make an announcement right now. We are going to continue the Blake of the Year tournament.
We're not going to let the virus stop it.

Speaker 2 It will happen sometime, what, mid-June is generally when the takeover.

Speaker 2 Mid-June, the Blake of the Year competition is on as scheduled.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so we have Blake number two last year. It is Brooks Kepka.
Brooks, what's up, man? What's up, guys? All good?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, pretty good.

Speaker 1 I guess this sucks.

Speaker 2 All things considered, not bad

Speaker 1 what um what have you been doing i'm always like i i would assume that uh you have to train are you playing are you still playing golf no i'm not playing golf we got some time off so

Speaker 1 um a couple of golf courses closed down so i figured might as well take the break while you can and uh just chill and uh work out and try to get uh

Speaker 1 try to chill the house and i don't know try to get uh that six pack back yeah are you going to get too jacked up

Speaker 1 No, no, no. You still got to have a little bit of dad bod in there.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because I need Bryce Blind the Chamblist

Speaker 2 to have something to complain about with your body. So don't get back into like full-on piano mover.
Shout out Rick Riley shape.

Speaker 2 I need like, I need something for him to come at you for because you play a little bit better when you get that fire.

Speaker 1 Yeah, exactly. I think that's what we're going for.
A little bit of dad bod, but not too dad bodish.

Speaker 2 Smart.

Speaker 2 I did see that you were practicing left-handed, though. What do you think you could shoot left-handed?

Speaker 2 Oh, um,

Speaker 1 I don't know. If I broke 100, that'd be pretty good.
I'd be pretty satisfied. You're such a dick.
Doesn't Barcelona thing, the U.S. Open thing? I could go play Portnoy left-handed.

Speaker 1 You're such a dick to be like, ah, I could probably break 100 left-handed.

Speaker 2 I guess that'd be cool.

Speaker 1 How far could you hit it left-handed? I can hit it. I can hit it pretty far.
I think I hit it like with the driver.

Speaker 1 I mean, obviously, I only post the good ones because we're not going to show the bad ones, but I don't know. Somewhere, I mean, I hit it like 300 yards.
God damn it. Jesus Christ.
That's not fair.

Speaker 1 The one before that or after that wasn't really shown. That one didn't go very far.

Speaker 2 What about when they do that thing where you take your sand wedge and then you just hit it left-handed on the course? Have you ever done that?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I have. I actually, because I've been playing so bad recently, I've had to do that a couple more times than I would have liked.
What do you mean you've been playing bad?

Speaker 1 Well, I mean,

Speaker 1 it's not major season yet, so we're just we're just prepping are you worried though

Speaker 1 yeah are you worried though that with the

Speaker 1 layoff and the season kind of like getting compacted here that you're gonna have to you're gonna have to win back-to-back tournaments at some point because there's gonna be majors that are like a week or two away from each other are you worried at all that there's it's gonna be a little bit more difficult to just dominate everyone in the big ones no no major i mean it's major season you'd you'll be up for it you got to figure out a way to get up for it But, you know, you just practice, make sure

Speaker 1 you're getting tuned up for him. That's all you got to do.

Speaker 2 So I've been paying attention to a couple of your rounds recently. And when you're not shooting well, I'm just like, good, that's awesome.
This is like perfect Blake. He's getting into the zone.

Speaker 2 He doesn't need to show up until it's, you know, until the lights are the brightest. Do you ever actually get pissed off at yourself for putting up a bad score during a non-major tournament?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, I do. I actually get really annoyed.
But, I mean,

Speaker 1 it's become very frequent lately that it's just uh

Speaker 1 you just gotta let it slide now and you're like all right gotta find something get back into it and

Speaker 1 i mean

Speaker 1 i was just finding my rhythm too when they canceled this because of corona

Speaker 1 just finding the rhythm you're about to go off i could feel it um you were telling you man What uh, do you think your GQ

Speaker 1 shoot, we never even talked to you about that? Do you think you maybe look a little too pretty, boy?

Speaker 1 Uh, I kind kind of look like mark anthony okay yeah the the see-through the see-through shirt on the boat i don't know what that look is yeah i mean i gotta be honest it's not like uh i'm sitting here picking out of my wardrobe but uh i mean it was definitely like 90s miami mark anthony i feel like that's the vibe they were going for the one on the boat though with like the robe

Speaker 1 with like the Jack Nicholson one was cool, but the other one's a bit questionable. Yeah.
To say the the least. Yeah, yeah, I like the robe on the golf course look.

Speaker 2 Have you ever actually played around a golf in a robe?

Speaker 1 Uh, at that ESPN body issue, that was it. I mean, and then you had to take the robe off, but yeah, that was about the only time I've been in a robe.

Speaker 2 What was that like? Did you always have to make sure that there wasn't anybody standing in front of you that could take a look at you know

Speaker 2 your bits and pieces? Or what was that privacy situation all about?

Speaker 1 They actually have a funny story behind this. We were um, so we're doing the shoot, whatever it is, it's out of the golf course, and they didn't close the golf course down.

Speaker 1 And my coach is giving lessons, people are playing. I mean, you could see,

Speaker 1 and uh, what they don't tell you is that, like, the makeup artist stands literally like

Speaker 1 right

Speaker 1 in front of you, like frontal, like 10 feet away the entire time, the entire time the shoot's going on.

Speaker 1 So it's like, I don't know, it's getting late in the day. We're getting kind of tired, but it's like, it's cooled down a little bit.

Speaker 1 It's like 60 degrees, and it's starting to sprinkle, and it's getting cold.

Speaker 2 That's not a good recipe. I haven't complained all this, yeah.

Speaker 1 I haven't complained all day, and like I kind of mutter under my breath. I'm like, damn, it's cold.

Speaker 1 And the lady hasn't said anything all day, and she just blurts out. I can tell

Speaker 1 that's up. And I was like, Are you serious? And she's like, No, no, no, no, the goosebumps, the goosebumps.

Speaker 1 That's awesome.

Speaker 1 That's so mean, though.

Speaker 2 That's the one thing that she can't say to you.

Speaker 1 No, that's funny. I like the sense of the moment.
I was just like,

Speaker 1 oh, honestly, it made my day. I was like, yep, this is awesome.
This is exactly what I wanted.

Speaker 2 I also read

Speaker 2 in that same article Big Cat was talking about, which if you haven't read it, go read it. It's pretty good, and the pictures are hilarious in it.
You've golfed with both Trump and Obama. Who's better?

Speaker 1 Trump's better. Trump's a little better.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, did he he take any gimmies?

Speaker 1 Do you give gimmies to people when you golf? Yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, you don't want to embarrass the guy, so you're just like, yeah, it's good.
It's close enough.

Speaker 2 I feel like Trump takes 30-foot gimmies.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what's the distance, though? Because

Speaker 1 when I get 10 feet away, I'm like, is that good? And I usually kind of just make everyone be like, yeah, that's good. Because what are you going to fight me about it?

Speaker 1 Would you give me that?

Speaker 1 When the president asks you and looks you in the eye, is that good? I mean, you're really going to tell him nope. In the t-box.
He's like, Hey, is that good? Do I even have to swing here?

Speaker 1 Yeah, he just strikes down the fairway every time. It's amazing.
There's so many Secret Service guys out there. He never loses the ball.
He can't lose a ball. Yeah, that's perfect.
Um, so I,

Speaker 1 the, your brother, we had an episode in the fall. You text me right after.

Speaker 1 His name is Chase.

Speaker 1 Has he gotten over the fact that we just roasted him non-stop for like 15 minutes straight? Yeah, yeah, he's gotten over it. I think, yeah, he's finally recovering.

Speaker 1 He was just over the house the other day, just chilling.

Speaker 1 And I think, yeah, he's kind of forgiving it a little bit.

Speaker 1 I mean, you guys absolutely hammered the name Chase. Well, I mean,

Speaker 1 come on.

Speaker 2 I mean, we all had a friend named Chase that was like the first one to give us cigarettes, and our moms hated him and selling him.

Speaker 1 He's not lag out of his fucking white Jeddah. Yeah.
Okay, Chase.

Speaker 2 He stole a Super Nintendo from the pawn shop.

Speaker 1 He's making us do it again. Oh, he's the guy whose brother is way more accomplished than him and has a shitload of money and championships.

Speaker 2 He's the guy that said that he could hook you up by installing your speaker system, your subwoofer at Best Spot, but then he fucked up half the car so it only came out the left side.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's Chase. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's making a comeback. He's making a comeback in 24.
Yeah, is he, wait, is he a golfer, too? Yeah, yeah, he plays. Oh, he plays on corner fairy now, too.
Yeah. Oh, nice.
Good for Chase.

Speaker 1 He's pretty good, man.

Speaker 2 Does he actually like golf?

Speaker 1 He's making a name for the chasers. Yes.
We'll become chase fans. If he gets to, you think he's going to get to the

Speaker 1 tour? Yeah, I think so. He just sticks with it.
He played a couple events with me. He played a couple of them this year.
Did all right. And then

Speaker 1 we always play one of the tournaments together. It's like a team event.
We always play.

Speaker 2 I mean, being the king of the chases, it's a pretty low bar to clear. But still, you could be the best chase ever.

Speaker 1 Yeah. We're rooting for chase.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You got to.
Got to.

Speaker 2 Brooks, I don't know if you've noticed this, but I've been just hammering the shit out of you at a similar competition on the Peloton recently. I've been fucking destroying.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, you don't.

Speaker 1 You have been killing it. You're on what? How many days have you done in a row now?

Speaker 2 A bunch. I don't even know.
I don't even know how many anymore. It's just like I eat, I sleep, I Peloton.
That's it. But I saw that.
So Bubba Watson's got one. Justin Thomas has one.

Speaker 2 Rory is really good.

Speaker 1 Do you have one?

Speaker 1 I do have one. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't use it, but I've got one. Do you want to join my gang? Because we're kind of like the bad boys and we just go around, we smash shit up.
Like, we don't even fuck with the golfers, really.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you just kind of like, high five, nope, no chance.

Speaker 2 Yeah, exactly. Like, I live to just mentally dominate Bubble Watson.

Speaker 1 You know, that's pretty easy. You could own a lot of real estate up there.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's rent-free, but we're all, I guess we are all rent-free now. Or a lot of us are during coronavirus.

Speaker 1 Landlord, if you have a good landlord. Yes, correct.
Yeah, that is true. What uh, what about

Speaker 1 I'll hop on with you. I gotta figure out what my name is, so I'll hop on with you.

Speaker 2 Okay, it should just be, it should be Blake Kepka.

Speaker 1 Yes, yeah, I think, well, yeah, but you got to put like some South African vibe to it, though, no? True, absolutely true. Um, have you been playing video games? I feel like you're a video game guy.

Speaker 1 No, dude, I've never gotten into video games, I've never played, but um,

Speaker 1 I was actually, it got so low, I was watching the esports the other day

Speaker 1 like just cringing for some sports. And that's what I think it was on ESPN.
I don't know what it was, but I was watching like the 2020 like Madden Challenge or something.

Speaker 2 It's rough.

Speaker 1 It's rough out there. Yeah.
What do you think about it? Yeah, I mean, every, I kind of have like this, every once in a while, like go online and look and just see what's

Speaker 1 going on. You can gamble on e-game.
E-gaming now? Yeah. You can gamble on it.
Like they're still going. Yes.
It's basically horse racing is the last frontier.

Speaker 1 Like on the weekends, I get excited because horse racing is back. I mean, it's always running, but it's just shit tracks.
But, yeah,

Speaker 1 it's crazy to

Speaker 1 just flip by those channels and be like, oh, man, that would be cool to just sit here and watch a game, you know, like the good old days.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, I'll take anything on the Olympic channel,

Speaker 2 on the weird NBC sports channels, even. Just give me something to watch.

Speaker 1 It was kind of nice when the Ocho came back there.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that was good. Yeah.
What about the idea of having major golf tournaments, but just having drone cameras behind you guys?

Speaker 2 Do you think that you could actually play a full tournament keeping six feet away from everybody?

Speaker 1 You were talking about this the other week, weren't you? Yeah, I think it could work. I mean, I think, yeah, you could work.
Yeah, no fans.

Speaker 1 I mean, you could literally do it down here in Jupiter where 20 guys are here. Just go play and just

Speaker 1 drone, camera guy, whatever, and you can make it work.

Speaker 1 We need something. We just need something.

Speaker 1 You actually, you're in on our. I don't know if we've ever said this, but Brooks is 100% in on our handball team.
So, oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 And, and you would, I actually think you would be just as good as anyone else. Like, we're, you know, we're talking to quarterbacks in the NFL, but you played baseball.

Speaker 1 You are obviously an unbelievable athlete. And it would kind of fuck with the handball community even more if we're like, oh, yeah, that golfer, he'll dominate your ass too.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's funny. I remember the first time I ever watched handball, I had no idea what I was watching.
I was in Sweden watching it, and that was honestly my first thought.

Speaker 1 I was like, well, how hard can this sport be? And I mean, Jay was pretty right.

Speaker 1 I think, I mean, Americans throw the ball. I mean, we got to have a good chance.
Right. That's what we do.
Right. We were born throwing the ball.

Speaker 1 But I feel like Team Pardon my take would be pretty solid. Yeah, absolutely.
Like, over

Speaker 1 Jay. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Who else is on it? Josh Allen. Danny Woodhead.
Danny Woodhead. All the Blakes.

Speaker 2 All the Blakes. Tim Howard's your goalkeeper.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's going to be sick.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, yeah, I don't see it. And then we throw you in there.
I don't see us going undefeated. Yeah, and then we throw you in there, and they're going to be like, wait, a golfer?

Speaker 1 Like, yeah, we'll kick your ass with a golfer, too. I think you're probably the only golfer who could do it.

Speaker 2 Undefeated minimum.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's not a lot of guys on tour who I would feel safe being like, yeah, you got a spot on our team. But I think you're definitely in that camp.
Yeah, no, I would agree with that.

Speaker 1 There's not many guys out there.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I mean, listen, I could be the tile guy on the side, cheering, cheering pumping but i can't wait to get in just knock some i had some guy from handball tweet me yesterday they're very active online yeah

Speaker 2 yeah you could be the enforcer you could actually be like the like the fighter on our team wait what did he say to you

Speaker 1 he was saying something he was talking talking about how golf isn't gonna start and that uh i just

Speaker 1 that i was being he was just being negative and uh i saw that he was a handball guy and i was like oh here we go we got to set this up we got to set this up Yeah, I'm reading it right now.

Speaker 1 It's actually a great exchange because Todd Lewis said, number three in the world, Brooks Kepka on schedule news today. I'm just excited.
There's something to look forward to.

Speaker 1 So much uncertainty and finally have to set dates and be able to look forward to something is the positive news I think golfers and fans are looking for.

Speaker 1 That's the most, like, what you said there is what we all are thinking. Just the scheduling of things

Speaker 1 makes us excited. And then this guy, David Fink, says, tentative dates are none of those events will happen this year.
Please tell me

Speaker 1 what what is going to change between now and the summer there still won't be a vaccine the virus will have to spread to 10 times what it is now forget about golf and all sports in 2020 and brooks just replied enough with the negativity david i like that you went full full name team pardon my take versus your best handball team let's go

Speaker 2 i mean it's simple it's very simple it really is i i like your attitude was like when i first saw this game i was like oh that's gonna be so easy to play and then i learned more about it and watched more and i was like yeah this is definitely gonna be easy to play.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 literally, I don't even know how many guys, how many guys actually play? Do we even know this? Who cares in the world? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Probably like 40.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
We're still taking that gold medal. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 They're all like, we had a handball guy in here earlier. They're all like subsidiaries of soccer teams.

Speaker 1 Right, right. I mean, we've got football guys, basketball guys.

Speaker 1 I mean, handball guys.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 it's the dream team, honestly, is what it is. Yeah.
Yeah. The handball dream team.
The handball dream team is going to dominate everything.

Speaker 1 So, all right, so golf is tentatively going to be back in mid-June. Are you do you think it's going to be weird without fans in attendance, or do you not even worry about it?

Speaker 1 Like, it will be weird without a bunch of people yelling Blake to you. Oh, my God.
Okay, let me first start off this whole thing by saying

Speaker 1 I knew the Blake effect was real,

Speaker 1 but I literally can't take four steps without hearing at least 50 blakes. I mean, it's unbelievable.

Speaker 1 I feel bad.

Speaker 2 Sometimes I watch like people send videos to us and they're like yelling at you. It's like the turn at Augusta and someone's yelling, let's go, Blake.

Speaker 2 And you're so laser focused that you don't look up. And I'm like, I know he hears it.
I wonder if he secretly hates us.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, I just laugh all the time. My caddy, he laughs about it.
But I will say that I feel like the golf community is very not

Speaker 1 connected with part of my take is every golfer I think I've played with, they're like, what do they talk? Why do you keep calling you Blake?

Speaker 1 What's Blake of the year?

Speaker 1 And then I have to go and explain to them exactly what it is. I'm like, listen,

Speaker 1 there's three Blakes.

Speaker 1 I'm taking not one phone. Simple as.

Speaker 1 But it's quite, it's actually hilarious.

Speaker 1 But yeah, the Blake effect is definitely real.

Speaker 6 Has that happened with Tiger?

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 Has Tiger asked?

Speaker 1 I don't know if he's asked. I can't remember.
But

Speaker 1 I think

Speaker 1 we have to get to a major. So I feel like

Speaker 1 that's when he'd be like, really, what's, I think he has asked it before. What's this Blake of the Year stuff? Why does everybody keep calling you Blake?

Speaker 1 So funny.

Speaker 1 So what is going to happen, though?

Speaker 1 There's this guy, Big Cat, and PFT. They came up and they just named me Blake.

Speaker 1 That's such a great conversation to have with someone on the course. So what is going to happen, though, without fans? Will you notice it at all, or is it going to be just kind of business as usual?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's going to be weird. I think, like,

Speaker 1 we live off the fans, and plus, every once in a while, we just hit some foul balls, and the fans kind of help you find it.

Speaker 1 It's true. I mean, guys are going to lose balls because of that.
I mean, the energy that the fans bring is so

Speaker 1 that's what we all live for. We all strive for.

Speaker 1 It's going to be so weird. I mean, that's what that's what you want to play coming down the stretch and have everybody like cheering for you.

Speaker 1 And then imagine this, like you sink the putt on the last pole, and no one's clapping. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're just there by yourself, and you're like, yes, you and your caddy, and just silent.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's just nothing but awkward golf high-fives just all around the green.

Speaker 2 Those get lost a lot, I feel like, because if two white guys miss an easy high-five on each other, but the crowd's going nuts behind it, you don't pay as much attention to it.

Speaker 2 But if there's absolutely no sound whatsoever, it's going to magnify that moment a little bit.

Speaker 2 And then you're going to take the ball out of the cup and throw it into the stands, and it's just going to hit a tree yeah yeah yeah who you're gonna throw the ball to yeah well also

Speaker 1 oh you should just throw it as hard as you can just hit off into the distance like Trevor Bauer yeah or like Josh Allen throwing it out of the stadium yeah

Speaker 2 what about uh all the guys that like they find Tiger Woods balls when they go out of bounds and they throw them back towards the fairway

Speaker 1 that's true that is very true we should you should tell us you should pay us to like dress in camo and just go to every event and we'll just kick your ball out because they probably won't have TV coverage as well as like normal events.

Speaker 1 We'll just start, we'll just start being broke. Well, they got to have reporters.

Speaker 1 You guys got to be able to get like a reporter's pass or something, right? No? That would be sick.

Speaker 1 We'll clap.

Speaker 2 We'll clap for you. We just wear polo shirts that say either security or like PGA rules official on them.
And then you wear your tactical glasses so you look like a security guard. Yep.

Speaker 2 And we'll just go around kicking your balls out.

Speaker 1 Imagine if we were reporters and we just followed you and just cheered after every shot.

Speaker 1 The only ones.

Speaker 2 Yeah, my own personal reporters, you're like, you're like LeBron with a shop, but your shop just travels with you on the course.

Speaker 1 Wait, you should actually get your Caddy to bring a boombox like Caddyshack and pipe in crowd noise after every big shot. Ooh, that is, that's a, that's a solid idea.

Speaker 1 I feel like you could do that with like the bag. Yes, you can get you.
You like the Caddyshack bag? Yeah, get you pumped up, like, get you going. That would be badass, actually.

Speaker 2 Well, at the same time, do you think it's going to favor some players to not have a gallery there? Like, guys that might might not be as clutch normally?

Speaker 1 I don't know. I still think it's going to be weird.
I think it's going to be awful without fans. I really do.
Like,

Speaker 1 how weird is it going to be watching on the TV? Yeah, it is.

Speaker 1 But it's, like, the one sport that I feel like can

Speaker 1 survive it. You know what I mean? Like, of all the sports, like, football will be very bizarre to watch without fans.

Speaker 1 But golf, at least, the fans are quiet when you're shooting, so it's a little bit different. Yeah, yeah, I think

Speaker 1 I think it'll I don't know. As a player, it's going to be super weird, but I guess watching on TV, it wouldn't be that much different.
Right. I just, I don't know.
I don't know, man.

Speaker 1 I guess it's the one sport that can really come back kind of a little bit earlier than every other sport because we are outdoors. That is the good thing.

Speaker 1 And we really don't have to, you know, it's not like we're all touching a ball, touching the same, you know, clubs, your own, stuff like that.

Speaker 1 I mean, you really don't have to touch anybody while you're out there. So we might be, who knows? Hopefully we come back soon, man.
Yeah, I need it. We need it.

Speaker 2 Were you a little bit upset that you didn't get asked to participate in the whole Tiger Woods and Tom Brady against Phil Mickelson and Peyton Manning thing?

Speaker 1 I never really thought about it, but yeah, I think it like, did you watch the first one? I didn't watch it. I did.
I heard about it.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 there's just not enough, like, trash talking.

Speaker 1 Agreed. Like, I feel like we need more gamesmanship and like shit talking and guys ribbing each other.
And everybody's just a little bit afraid to do it. I agree.

Speaker 2 So it could be Brooks Kepka and Bill Murray against John Daly and also Bill Murray. He plays on both teams.

Speaker 1 I love John Daly.

Speaker 1 JD is my guy. Yeah, he's the best.
He's the best, dude. He's ridiculous.
All right, I got one last question.

Speaker 1 The Ryder Cup, have they announced the team? Are you on it? I assume you are.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think I'm like...

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think I should be. If Paul goes...

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 I should be on it. I think you were about to say you were a cap.
I mean, if you're going to anoint me, Captain, yeah. I mean, that could have gone, that answer could have gone anywhere.
So,

Speaker 1 remember when you guys got the shit kicked out of you in France? That was embarrassing. Yeah, I do remember that.

Speaker 1 That's it. That's all I got.
Follow up. No, that's, that's, yeah, I'm a big, you guys got the shit kicked out of you.
And then when, when you win in 2020 in Wisconsin, I'll be like, yes, we won.

Speaker 1 Yes, we won on American soil.

Speaker 1 I'm a we guy when things are going well, and I'm a you guy when things aren't. Oh, absolutely.
Yeah, absolutely. That's the way the fans got to go.
All right. Well, the only way to be.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Brooks, thank you. We appreciate it.
Hopefully, you're back soon.

Speaker 1 Hopefully, we'll see you in New York, right? The U.S. Open.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'll have to stop in the studio

Speaker 1 if we're going in.

Speaker 2 We have a bench press. We have a bench press now.

Speaker 1 I know that, and I can't wait to out-bench you guys.

Speaker 2 How much are you benching right now?

Speaker 1 I don't know. I don't have any gym equipment in my house, so it's, I don't know.
I've got like 15-pound dumbbells

Speaker 1 as much as I've got right now. That's not going to cut it.
No.

Speaker 2 I'm going to outbench you when you come back.

Speaker 1 Imagine if you got hurt. Imagine if you got hurt right before the U.S.
Open because you benched. You tried to bench more than us.
Literally.

Speaker 1 I'm going to be looking like Metcalf when I come back.

Speaker 1 Yoke.

Speaker 1 All right, Brooks. Thanks so much, man.
Stay safe. We'll talk to you soon.
All right, boys. How we going?

Speaker 1 I'm not going back to college to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber one for students.
It saves saves you on Uber and Uber Eats.

Speaker 1 I'm there for a $0 delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 10% off smoothies, and 6% Uber credits back on rides. Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think college is for.

Speaker 7 Get Uber One for students, a membership to save on Uber and Uber Eats. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student.
Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary.

Speaker 7 Eligibility and member terms apply.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's get to some segments before we do our Mount Flushmore and Billy football.

Speaker 1 we have first up a sorry not sorry for mike gundy so mike gundy had some comments last week about how they need to get the boys back in town they need to get the money running through oklahoma and then pft do you have the quote from mike gundy saying uh oh he also i think what else did he do did he also call it the chinese virus Well, yeah, he probably did, but Gundy, the upshot of his comment was, I'm sorry if you were offended by what I said.

Speaker 4 It was not my intention to make you offended. So that, I mean, that's a classic football coach answer.
And to be honest,

Speaker 4 I don't know who expected anything better out or who expected Mike Gundy to have like a very reasonable take on everything.

Speaker 4 I don't know what football coaches you would go to and be like, hey, excuse me, Mike Leach, can you give us your opinion on the coronavirus and how it's going to affect the financial situation in Mississippi?

Speaker 4 So, yeah, Gundy basically, nothing really surprising, just said,

Speaker 4 I didn't mean to offend anybody.

Speaker 1 Sorry if you were offended.

Speaker 1 I can't stress this enough. Like, the very last people that you want to comment on coronavirus are college football coaches.

Speaker 1 They cannot, at any point, understand what's going on to the level, like more than we need to just get our boys back because I got a five-star recruit that hasn't had to look at the playbook yet.

Speaker 1 Like, that's all they're thinking about.

Speaker 1 So, if you want a quote that will not look good, just go ask any college football football coach in America and they will give you a quote that will not look good.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I, for one, was expecting a more measured response from a guy who lives in Stillwater, Oklahoma.

Speaker 4 A nuanced does nothing all day except think about whether or not he could get away with murdering Lincoln Riley. That's the guy I wanted to go to to get my take on unattended offense, by the way.

Speaker 4 That's just that's simply a side effect of playing against nothing but Big 12 defenses.

Speaker 1 Yes, and

Speaker 1 I'm wondering when we'll get the story that Mike Gundy has actually been going out and getting his mullet cut every single week and breaking shelter in place that way, because you know he's keeping that thing fresh.

Speaker 4 I feel like he's the guy that just has his wife do it. Like Miss Sally takes care of the mullet every Thursday night, once a week, same time while he's grinding film.

Speaker 1 All right, next up we have Saber Metrics. PFD, you had this.

Speaker 4 Yeah, so Todd Gurley, your newest Atlanta Falcon, he wanted to wear number 21. Deion Sanders told him that he shouldn't wear number 21, but then he said psych.

Speaker 4 And you could tell he was joking because he didn't end that tweet with hashtag truth. Like you normally, that's when you can tell that Deion's telling the truth is when he does that.

Speaker 4 So he said he was just joking around about it. And Todd Gurley can go ahead and he can wear 21.
And they asked him, like, well, why are you going to give up your number so easily, Dion?

Speaker 4 He goes, a number didn't make prime. Prime made the number.
So that's your saber metrics for the week.

Speaker 1 Even though prime is 21 is not a prime number.

Speaker 1 Wow. Okay, nerd.

Speaker 4 How do you you know that?

Speaker 4 Even read a book.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What are prime numbers again? They aren't divisible by

Speaker 1 themselves

Speaker 4 by themselves and one, I think.

Speaker 1 So, like three and seven.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's it. That was your math class.
Seven, eleven, eleven,

Speaker 1 thirteen, thirteen,

Speaker 4 seventeen,

Speaker 1 nineteen,

Speaker 2 twenty,

Speaker 1 three,

Speaker 1 three, twenty-three.

Speaker 4 Yep, yep, yep, No, that one. We're cooking.

Speaker 1 We're cooking. 29.
20. 29.

Speaker 4 Oh, none of them are even numbers.

Speaker 1 Mm-hmm. Because every even number divided by two.

Speaker 1 Except two is a prime number.

Speaker 1 Is two prime number?

Speaker 6 Yep.

Speaker 4 Two can be divided by two.

Speaker 1 Two's the only even number that's a prime number.

Speaker 4 Yep. Two divided by two, though.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 1 A prime number is you can divide it only by yourself and another and one.

Speaker 4 All right, I'm sick of this magic, this wizardry stuff.

Speaker 1 Yeah, two is a prime number. Damn.
He should have been two.

Speaker 4 So 21, Todd Gurley's going to wear. Also, Todd Gurley got pissed off because I guess his check's late from the Rams.

Speaker 6 Oh, and Clay Matthews, too.

Speaker 1 Damn.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? That was math. That was

Speaker 6 Clay Matthews quote tweeted and was like, me too.

Speaker 4 Did he hashtag it? Rams having some

Speaker 5 finance.

Speaker 1 I think he actually said the words, me too, bro.

Speaker 1 All right, let's do our Mount Flushmore. Mount Flushmore of appetizers.

Speaker 1 I'll start with saying this one's hard because I love appetizers and it's hard to find bad ones. Like it really is.

Speaker 1 And I also want, just before we start, Hank, you're going to go first, but I assume we're talking not only like sit-down restaurant, but also like going to a wedding, like pass-around appetizers. And

Speaker 1 yeah, this is hard. This is very hard.
But Hank, you want to start?

Speaker 6 Sure. Calamari.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 4 Whoa, that's an awful first choice, Hank. Calamar?

Speaker 1 What was that?

Speaker 4 What did you just say? Squid choice, Hank. What is this is worst appetizers, right?

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 6 Yeah, Calamar is trash. Everyone always orders it.
I'm always at tables where they just like, oh, we'll just get calamari, assuming I want calamari. And I'm just like, no, like calmari stinks.

Speaker 4 You know, how can you hit it? It's like, it's just like a fried ring of taste.

Speaker 6 It's another, it's, it's, it falls under the category of if you don't have sauce, it's disgusting. So, like, why even eat it?

Speaker 1 Do you know there's like a big uh racket for fake calamari that is just like pigs anus that they just fry and they serve it as regular calamari? There's like a whole fucking

Speaker 4 season, yeah.

Speaker 1 It sounds pretty good, actually. All right, PFT, your first pick.

Speaker 4 It's also weird that there are two types of calamari.

Speaker 4 What do you mean, right? There's like the there's like the tentacle part, and then there's the ring part. I like, I personally like the ring parts better.

Speaker 4 Um, my first choice, damn, this is this is a very, very difficult one.

Speaker 4 I'm going to go with

Speaker 4 any sort of beet skewer.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 4 If you do like a grilled glazed beet on a kebab or beet salad, anything with beets in it.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 that's a good pick.

Speaker 1 I still can't believe Hank did Calamari. I'll do

Speaker 1 my number one is...

Speaker 1 And this will probably get contentious, but

Speaker 1 I think deviled eggs are gross to eat like an appetizer form like if you're out and you eat a deviled egg it's like okay have cool egg breath for the rest of the night dude and then i hate

Speaker 1 i hate the pinwheel sandwiches i think it's bullshit

Speaker 1 i hate them they're always like soggy and kind of gross and like you know you know what i'm talking about hank the wraps that they then cut up and they place on their side so it's like little turkey and cheese in the in the wrap disgusting yeah that's like a that's like a conference like what you have at like a conference lunch.

Speaker 6 Right.

Speaker 1 If you see a pinwheel sandwich, that's a great way to know that they just cheaped out on the entire appetizer.

Speaker 6 Yeah, that's like corporate. That's the corporate special.

Speaker 1 Right, right. That's the we don't give a fuck about you.
Eat this little gruel and get back to work. Yep.

Speaker 4 That's

Speaker 4 number one on the most like soggy tomatoes that you'll ever have, too. Just tomato slime everywhere.

Speaker 1 I actually think that when they make a pinwheel sandwich, they only use soggy ingredients because it makes no sense that I've ever had a fresh, I've never had a fresh pinwheel sandwich.

Speaker 4 I would have thought you would have gone with sliders, big cat.

Speaker 1 I love sliders, I love them.

Speaker 4 You do, yeah, watch me live stream. I know,

Speaker 1 dude, that was so funny last night when they, when I, when I showed it to everyone, and there was like one slider that was at 45, and everyone's like, you're cheating.

Speaker 6 And you didn't realize you couldn't, you weren't looking at the computer sliders for like an hour.

Speaker 1 Whatever. Again, I'm just getting bullied on Twitch.
There's nothing more to it.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 4 My next pick is going to be French onion dip. Don't like French onion dip.
I can eat any other dip.

Speaker 4 I can eat any other dip in the world. I love dips.
French onion dip just doesn't do it for me.

Speaker 4 All it does is remind me of what a better dip I could be having should taste like. You know, I dip into it.
I'm like, I wish this was ranch or I wish this was hummus.

Speaker 1 I love French onion dip.

Speaker 6 What about French onion soup, soup guy?

Speaker 4 French onion soup is very low on my power rankings for soup.

Speaker 4 I would say like bottom 20% of soups.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Bottom 20%.

Speaker 1 Hank, you have two.

Speaker 1 Okay. Well, God knows what you're going to pick if you pick calamari number one.

Speaker 6 Okay. Well, here we go.
Fried pickles.

Speaker 1 What? Come on.

Speaker 1 You're like doing my bet. You're doing my favorites.
Are you going to do pigs in a blanket next?

Speaker 6 I'm going to do shrimp cocktail next.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 You're so bad at this.

Speaker 4 This is literally what I would order.

Speaker 1 Yes. This sounds like, ooh, we'll start with some calamari, do a little shrimp cocktail.

Speaker 6 I mean, I guess it's probably because I'm with you guys and it's like Bitcat orders appetizers for the table and half the time I'm just like, I wouldn't have ordered any of these.

Speaker 1 Right, because you have the palate of a four-year-old. No, pickles are gross.
Shrimp is gross.

Speaker 1 You can't eat hot sauce. You don't like any seafood.

Speaker 6 Maria's screaming at me from the other room that I'm having terrible takes.

Speaker 4 There are bad takes. They're horrible wait wait hank what would be number one on your mount rush more of appetizers my

Speaker 6 sticks probably right yeah mozzarella sticks pigs in a blanket nachos

Speaker 6 okay we should just have hank order off the kids menu yeah all right pft your next pick no that's not a kids menu thing it's just a taste i have good taste and shrimp fried pickles are not part of it well do you like Do you discriminate between fried

Speaker 6 calamari and fried pickles are the same thing. Calamari and pickles are the same thing.
You would never order them if they weren't fried.

Speaker 1 Wait,

Speaker 6 you would order them. Did we just get some pickles for an appetizer? No.

Speaker 1 I've eaten pickles before.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Pickles are delicious.

Speaker 4 Go to a dog. I probably wouldn't order them as an appetizer, but I eat pickles as a snack all the time.

Speaker 6 Right, but this is appetizers we're talking about here. You guys are getting confused with things you like to eat, but we're talking strictly appetizers.

Speaker 1 So you would order just a stick of mozzarella cheese. You'd order string cheese.

Speaker 6 I love mozzarella cheese.

Speaker 1 Absolutely.

Speaker 1 You just order string cheese as an appetizer

Speaker 1 yeah there's other ways to get mozzarella too yeah but i'm saying that's what it is is string cheese fried

Speaker 6 yeah i love i love string cheese i eat it all the time okay

Speaker 1 uh

Speaker 4 pft your pick uh my next one is going to be salsa with pita when they give you pita

Speaker 4 for the salsa get the hell out of there they try to get too fancy with it sometimes and they serve you these like these fried pita chips instead of tortilla chips that's a i don't think i've ever seen that in my life yeah terrible, terrible.

Speaker 4 It'll ruin an entire appetite, even if I like the dip. If it's on a pita chip, no, thank you.

Speaker 1 All right, I'll uh go with uh stuffed mushrooms, stuffed mushrooms.

Speaker 1 Every time I see a stuffed mushroom, it's kind of the similar as like the pinwheel where it's like it just doesn't hold up and it passes by, and you're like, ooh, is that a meatball?

Speaker 1 Nope, it's a stuffed mushroom, kind of a just a total letdown. And then

Speaker 1 anything that's just like the

Speaker 1 lettuce wedge where they, where they do like a deconstructed salad that sucks too when they pass that around that that drives me nuts where it's like here is a lettuce wedge with a little jizz of caesar's salad dressing and one single crouton

Speaker 4 bullshit okay okay uh for my last one i'm gonna go with dressed up popcorn when they try to do like a chef's take on on great popcorn i like that where are you eating a spicy popcorn yeah where they put like a little bit of i'm eating at non-fast food places hank where they put like, yeah, they do the like chili dust and maybe like anytime they say like truffled popcorn or some bullshit like that.

Speaker 4 No, thanks.

Speaker 1 Hank.

Speaker 6 My last one.

Speaker 6 I mean, I guess this is just going to be, I get roasted for my takes, but

Speaker 6 it's sounds great in theory. You love to talk about it, but whenever you order it, it's always a disappointment.

Speaker 6 The blooming onion.

Speaker 1 Oh my God.

Speaker 1 Hank, this is an all-time bad route. I swear to God.
I swear to God. All-time bad Mountain Flushmore.

Speaker 1 Think about it.

Speaker 6 Think about it. Like it, it never, like, why just order onion rings? Just order onion rings, like the blue and onion rings.

Speaker 1 No, because you get to pick them apart and then you dip them.

Speaker 1 It never picks apart the way you're most American.

Speaker 4 In the entire world, I know it's served at a Chilean restaurant, but it is one of the top three appetizers in the world.

Speaker 6 In theory, it is. In practice, it's not.

Speaker 1 Wow. Wow.
Unbelievable, Mount Rushmore from you.

Speaker 6 That's Mount Flushmore, by the way.

Speaker 1 Mount Flushmore.

Speaker 1 It could be confused as Mount Rushmore. Like,

Speaker 1 if we'd done a Mount Rushmore of appetizers, I think every single one of yours would have been picked.

Speaker 6 Yep. Not by me.

Speaker 1 The only one that I wanted to...

Speaker 1 I want to add my list was cheese fries because those are getting too soggy. Okay, Hank, I actually put down cheese fries as my Vinnie Chase take

Speaker 1 afterwards where it's like, I couldn't in good conscience put it on because I have had cheese fries.

Speaker 6 You're not a tander. So what you actually

Speaker 1 know?

Speaker 1 No, can you listen to me? Can you listen to me? I've had good cheese fries and poutine is delicious, but I think

Speaker 1 the cheese fries are the most volatile appetizer out there in terms of

Speaker 1 the floor is so low and the ceiling can be very high.

Speaker 6 I also don't like loaded nachos. What do you think about that?

Speaker 1 That's also a volatile appetizer. I agree with you there.

Speaker 4 It all depends on how they're constructed. If they do it by layers and they go first layer of fries, then the cheese and the bacon, then another layer of fries, cheese, bacon, then it's good.

Speaker 4 But all too often, you run into a situation where you eat maybe seven or eight fries from the top, and then there's no toppings left on the entire thing.

Speaker 4 Then you overcompensate with the ranch dip after that point. You've got soggy fries that are just like making this little puddle of oil in the ranch sauce.

Speaker 1 Hank,

Speaker 1 I'll give you this.

Speaker 1 If you did a Mount Rushmore most volatile appetizers, cheese fries, nachos, calamari is on there for me for most volatile appetizers, because there's definitely times when you have calamari that when it's bad calamari, it's the most disgusting thing you've eaten it's pig's ass thank you okay so you know

Speaker 1 but i love calamari no because when you have good calamari it's it's it's one of the best but when do you have good calamari never all the time all the time yeah calamari is it's very rarely screwed up but when it is it's awful right i would say that

Speaker 4 meatballs can be very volatile yes meatballs too because extremely if you you get a dry meatball and it almost ruins the expectation for the rest of the meal yeah order another drink too early it throws off the entire scheduling of your meal or the uh meatballs with like teriyaki sauce that it just doesn't really fully fit together, those always are kind of disgusting.

Speaker 1 I agree, meatballs are another volatile appetizer.

Speaker 4 When they, you know what really pisses me off when they try to incorporate meatballs into a slider because you're dealing with a ball of meat, it's not going to stay between those two buns.

Speaker 4 There's a reason why you flatten that ball out and make it into a hamburger when you put it between bread. Don't try to, it's a, it is literally a square peg round hole situation.

Speaker 1 What would your guys goat be for appetizers? Pigs in a blanket?

Speaker 4 Goat appetizer?

Speaker 2 No, not pigs in a blanket.

Speaker 4 I like pigs in a blanket, but I don't think I would say that's anywhere close to the goat.

Speaker 6 I would say mozzarella stacks and nachos.

Speaker 4 Nachos, great.

Speaker 1 Queso, great.

Speaker 4 I think I'll put queso as my goat.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 It's fair. Okay, so that was our Mount Flush more of appetizers.
Let's get to Billy Football and our deep dive with Billie Football. Before we do that, though, PFT, you got one more ad.
ad.

Speaker 4 Yeah, most guys out there have tried different ways to last longer, but thinking about baseball doesn't always work, especially when there's no baseball to think about.

Speaker 4 Folks are nutting left and right way too early, but the folks at Roman, an online men's health company, are changing the game with their Roman swipes, the secret to longer-lasting sex.

Speaker 4 Roman swipes are clinically proven. They last longer in bed.
They're effective, easy to use, and fast-acting, but they don't require prescription.

Speaker 4 They can ship swipes to you in discrete, unmarked packaging. Each swipes packet small enough to hide in your wallet for whenever you need it.
They're great.

Speaker 4 They don't transfer to your partner, so you can last longer without worrying. And they're super easy to use.
You just take the swipes out of the packet, swipe it on, let it dry, you're good to go.

Speaker 4 That's it. So go to getroman.com/slash take.
You can get your first month of swipes for just $5 when you choose a monthly plan. That's getroman.com slash take.

Speaker 1 Okay, it's time. Deep dive with Billy Football on Mondays.
We have our former intern, very good friend, Billy Football on to do a deep dive into any type of topic. You can tweet him.
He will respond.

Speaker 1 He will also take submissions. And Billy,

Speaker 1 how many times will you respond if I do the handshake emoji? Do you just, are you obligated to respond to that?

Speaker 4 I don't know. I just, I'm trying to preserve the handshake because Dr.
Fauci is saying that we should never shake hands again.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 4 I'm defending the handshake.

Speaker 1 Okay. I'm saving it.
Online. Yeah.
All right. So today's topic is cryptozoology.

Speaker 1 So the floor is yours, Billy.

Speaker 4 So cryptozoology is a study of cryptids. It's a much debated science.

Speaker 4 It's actually kind of like the bad boys of the science community because no one really respects them, but a lot of their work is pretty sick.

Speaker 4 So we do a lot of deep dives on this.

Speaker 4 You know, for the people who wanted prehistoric creatures, I also got a little bit of that going on too. So

Speaker 4 it was a highly suggested, it was like cryptozoology and other weird stuff that I'm not going to say on the podcast. But

Speaker 4 so we're going to start with the big one. You all probably know Sasquatch, Bigfoot.

Speaker 4 Now, cryptozoologist, what do you guys know about Bigfoot? None of that he definitely exists.

Speaker 1 Yeah, nothing.

Speaker 1 I know that meme when he, when Bigfoot's walking in Central Park and then there's these kids kids looking at their phone, and it's like, no wonder we have had no Bigfoot sightings in the last 20 years because everyone's got their face in their phone.

Speaker 6 Austin Pajoy is hot on his trail. I know that.

Speaker 4 And I know that he absolutely fucking hates it when kids mess with this beef jerky.

Speaker 4 So

Speaker 1 Bigfoot.

Speaker 1 Okay, here we are.

Speaker 4 All right, so turns out there's a lot of evidence for Bigfoot and not from just like pictures and videos, but there's actually a giant ape, a prehistoric ape ape, called gigantopithecus.

Speaker 4 So, gigantopithecus is like actually like huge. It was like, like, it would be about

Speaker 4 six, six to like eight foot. Their skeletons that are found.

Speaker 4 Um, these scientists found like one of their molars in a like herbal Chinese medicine shop in like in China, and they were selling these giant molars, and they were like, that's from a primate, but that's way bigger than we've ever seen.

Speaker 4 So, like, these guys were actually super intelligent and, like, would bury their dead.

Speaker 4 Like, they were like these nine-foot-tall bipedal primates, but they're more closely related to like orangutans than anything else.

Speaker 4 So, people think that they went across the Siberian, not the Siberian, the Bering Land Strait back when, like, there was the ice age and the water was a lot lower, and came into North America.

Speaker 4 And, um, like that's also how humans got to North America. And then, um, like, it's actually, like, super sick because, like, this ape would be, like, absolutely, like, the description of Bigfoot.

Speaker 1 But, like,

Speaker 1 I think that they have evolved from then.

Speaker 4 Because if they're burying their dead, that means that they have ways to cover up their tracks.

Speaker 4 So, if they, like, kept going on this, they could definitely figure out ways to, like, totally avoid humans at all costs.

Speaker 4 Like, like, bury like freaking secret tunnels and stuff, like, under the woods. So, I'm and then there's this one dude called Francis the Wood.

Speaker 1 Wait, Billy.

Speaker 4 I'm not questioning your science behind all this, but you're saying all this like it, like it's fact. I just want to make sure that this actually happened, like these things actually do exist, right?

Speaker 4 Gigantopithecus existed.

Speaker 1 It did. I looked it up.
It did.

Speaker 1 It was doomed by its own size. Too big.

Speaker 1 Literally too big to fail, but the opposite. Yeah.

Speaker 4 And they used to coexist with like...

Speaker 4 like early humans human homo erectus and like turns out like they they were totally gentle giants like they weren't violent at all but like they were legit like the ultimate big fellow they were so like giant and strong but all they was vegetation and they just didn't want to be bothered but like our ancestors just bothered them like all the sick prehistoric creatures i've realized were just totally messed up by humans like legit we became the perfect predator because we knew how to throw stuff oh

Speaker 4 like these are like the relatives of giants technically like if there was another path of human evolution, like this would be there, like, you know, Lucy, which is like

Speaker 1 homo.

Speaker 4 I don't even know.

Speaker 1 Well, careful, Billy.

Speaker 4 You really threw him off with that one.

Speaker 1 That was, I just gave him the SEAD.

Speaker 4 The blood. Okay, all right.
So they come across the land bridge on the Bering Strait to North America, and then they just get annoyed. It is messing with Sasquatch.

Speaker 4 So all the humanoid type human, not humanoid, but

Speaker 4 all the orangutans that went along the lines of evolving into humans started to fuck with Sasquatch too much, and then Sasquatch got like speared to death using our superior arm strength, and he was still trying to run the ball.

Speaker 4 And the evolution of human offense kind of took him out.

Speaker 1 He was stuck at Wing T.

Speaker 4 The air attack caused his end.

Speaker 1 Got it. Wow.
But I think the quarterback showed up, everything was fucked.

Speaker 4 The West Coast offense.

Speaker 1 No, but then,

Speaker 4 but then, so then there was these dudes, and this is actually a picture. You can like Google Deloitte's ape if you got time.
So this dude, Francois Delois, was down South America.

Speaker 4 He was like, him and a bunch of his like bros. I mean,

Speaker 4 him and his like expedition

Speaker 4 went out into the middle of like the Amazon or like Venezuela, and like, like, there was 20 dudes at the start, but then there was only four left because they all got killed by natives.

Speaker 4 And then they encountered these giant apes who also knew how to throw stuff like well. And they shot one of them, and it actually looks like South American Bigfoot.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 only question: the first hit I got was Deloitte's ape was a well-played anthropological anthropological fraud.

Speaker 4 That's the haters.

Speaker 1 Okay. All right.
Cool. Say no more.

Speaker 4 Billy, what about the fact that there are like all these giant apes across all these different cultures? Like if you go over to Asia, they have these legends about the Yeti, the abominable snowman.

Speaker 4 Is that like a distant cousin of these guys that came to America way back in the day? So I'm thinking Gigantopithecus.

Speaker 4 Actually, this is actually more likely because Gigantopithkis' range was like Southeast Asia, most of asia and could easily like be in the himalayas and like the yeti could just be like a polar bear gigantopithecus

Speaker 4 you know what i'm saying

Speaker 4 a polar bear mixed with a giant like kind of how they the the growler bear except this is with a human no like like like polar bears to grizzlies gigantopithecus bigfoot to yet

Speaker 4 you know what i'm saying got it also do you think that with everybody being locked up like this quarantine situation that we're in do you think these bizarre animals that might be scared scared and hiding out all the time because we've always been looking for them do you think they'll start to get more brave and start to show themselves a little bit more or they're just like having a party in the woods and they're like yo they're all locked up or they did this

Speaker 4 oh i like that so new york city sewer gators so back in like

Speaker 4 people were all going to florida right to um to like vacation land. They all went to Florida.
They all bought little baby alligators. They all brought them home.

Speaker 4 They then saw that they were getting way too big or they got bored of them, would flush them down the toilet. They're all in the New York City sewers eating giant rats.

Speaker 4 They're actually down there because it's super hot during the winter and it's super cool during the summer, and they just don't vibe with sunlight down there and eat giant rats.

Speaker 1 Wait, so there are gators living in New York City in the sewers?

Speaker 4 Deep in the sewers.

Speaker 1 Confirmed?

Speaker 1 Yeah, they found them. Who? Found one?

Speaker 1 They found a couple. Okay.

Speaker 4 They used to keep them in their bathtubs. Okay, is that one one not convincing you guys?

Speaker 1 No, that one, I like it. I like it.

Speaker 4 Billy, what are these the gators that pop up through a toilet when someone's taking a shit? Yeah.

Speaker 4 And they bite your ball sack?

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 4 Don't like those. Damn.
Hard pass. That's crazy.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Let's go with chupacabras.

Speaker 1 I like those guys.

Speaker 4 Goat suckers. First found in Puerto Rico.

Speaker 4 They were then seen all across southern America. They're seen they have they live three they give three puncture wounds in large livestock.

Speaker 4 They don't know if it's aliens a certain type of different canine creature, but a lot of them look like mangy coyotes

Speaker 1 Okay, wait, so I'm starting to understand this so these scientists that that are what's it called cryptozoology

Speaker 1 So do they get degrees in this and then they just study the shit that like people all think is a fraud?

Speaker 1 They're basically their their entire expertise is studying myth science exactly yeah they're the opposite of myth busters they're the myth provers and and and are there like

Speaker 1 are they well like did any of them go to like real schools for this i just met them all on reddit okay makes sense makes sense what uh

Speaker 1 what okay i like the chup is is loch ness monster one of them okay so nessie so nessie they think is an ancient pleosaur and there's another one in in Lake Champlain in Vermont, New York.

Speaker 4 It's like borders both those states.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 4 They actually disprove that one. They think it's a bunch of seals in a

Speaker 4 flock, like all jumping out of the water. So it looks like a bunch of humps of a sea serpent going through the water.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying? Okay.

Speaker 4 Oh, yeah, it's like when those spiders get together and all lock arms and make the giant thing that moves as one. That's what the seals are doing.

Speaker 4 So wait, Nessie, I've always wondered this about Nessie. How can it exist if it didn't have like a mom and a dad, Nessie?

Speaker 1 Well, think about turtles, right?

Speaker 1 They live really long.

Speaker 4 So, like, this also lives in the water and is a reptile, so it probably lives like super long.

Speaker 1 Interesting.

Speaker 4 Okay, so it's its parents died, it could have died like 400 years ago, and Nessie's just hitting its midlife crisis, right? It could be, or it could be asexual and reproduce by itself.

Speaker 1 Ooh,

Speaker 1 didn't think about that.

Speaker 4 Asexual reproduction. It's common in the animal kingdom.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Is it more common in the cryptozoology kingdom? And I feel like they use that as like a Trump card

Speaker 1 to explain everything. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then.

Speaker 4 Wait, so they're incels? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, no, because they have sexuality.

Speaker 4 No, that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 Cryptozoologists, they just made up a bunch of species to be like, see, there are also animals that don't have sex it's perfectly normal that i spend all my time looking for these imaginary things and posting about them on reddit instead of boning

Speaker 4 exactly because they relate yes

Speaker 1 okay

Speaker 4 anyway do you guys want to join my cult yes yeah okay what's it about so this is the cult it's gonna be sick so i have been like eating a ton of unhealthy foods recently And I've like gotten out of shape because I can't really run.

Speaker 4 Like they like all the public parks and fields are closed, so I can't really do any sprints or stuff. That's not true, Billy.
I saw that people have been running marathons in their driveways.

Speaker 4 It's a mental and physical test.

Speaker 1 No, so

Speaker 4 the idea is we, so like, this is what our cult does. It's called the Berserker Blood Cult.

Speaker 4 So we work out all week and like eat healthy. And then on Friday, we donate blood platelets or blood.
And then we like just become blood making machines.

Speaker 4 And then we donate and then we come back from the donation place with the money they give you and then you buy alcohol and you can buy less alcohol because your blood levels are lower so your BAC gets higher so it's economical it saves lives with berserker blood and then we're all gonna get jacked and like shredded and it's gonna be sick I okay I'm all the way

Speaker 4 I'm obviously in on this I have a couple questions though so if we work out during the week and we eat healthily that makes our blood more valuable to donate is that true is there any science that backs that up

Speaker 4 honestly i think my idea of healthy is not you know it's more of like cryptozoology type science you know right

Speaker 4 i think it works because real science isn't really pulling through right now right saying yep chug a red bull before you go give blood so that when they get the blood they get all like jazzed up and like

Speaker 4 they get to get blood i like that and then we can eat unhealthy on the weekends. I'm thinking we're going to do ketosis again if you want to join.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Follow the Instagram Berserker Blood Cult.

Speaker 4 I'm not going to, it's going to be purely like about saving lives, making blood, and getting jacked, but it's not going to be douchey, I swear.

Speaker 1 What about chicks?

Speaker 4 Are we going to get chicks in this dudes and dudettes?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.
Billy, do you want to? We should do an intermittent fasting competition. Like, how long can you fast?

Speaker 4 Well, what I do is from like I skip breakfast and just drink Red Bull and milk. and then at about 1 p.m.

Speaker 4 Yeah, crisis fuel. But I've switched from chocolate milk to regular milk because all the chocolate milks always out at the supermarket.
So then at 1 p.m.

Speaker 4 I go eat my first meal and then like I eat two more meals after that before I go to bed.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 4 But what about you just described it? Wait, wait, I want to back up real quick to what Billy just described was just eating breakfast kind of late and then eating lunch and then dinner.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 1 I wake up early early though so you so you do intermittent fast for a while so but what do you think like how long do you think you and i could go if we went heads heads up who could who could go the longest just drinking all you can drink is black coffee and water um in a day or just like no how many days you think we go like we go head to head for like two days fasting yeah dude that you lose mass you gotta okay yeah i know i'm trying to lose mass okay so this is what we do this is what we do we're actually gonna get we're gonna get shredded so what we're gonna do is we're gonna go back on ketosis

Speaker 4 uh no carbs no nothing but you can only eat preserved like like non-perishable foods

Speaker 4 like canned chicken yeah you can only eat from canned so you won't eat as much

Speaker 1 it's ketosis disgusting ketosis yeah yeah

Speaker 4 you force yourself into being healthy by removing anything that tastes good from your house.

Speaker 4 Exactly. And you only just stock up on non-perishables because I've been eating them because I sort of only bought non-perishables and I've been feeding myself them.

Speaker 4 And I want fresh food and I'm getting pretty tired of it. It's killed my appetite.

Speaker 1 Yeah, okay.

Speaker 4 I mean, a microwave probably destroys the virus, right?

Speaker 1 Exactly.

Speaker 4 So if you only eat microwavable shit, that's good.

Speaker 4 What about

Speaker 4 you mentioned the berserker blood, right?

Speaker 4 Is there any health benefit to me giving my blood, you know, once or twice a week and then that way my body's creating new blood for myself all the time so the so like you can only donate i've looked this up you can only donate blood once every two weeks but you can donate blood platelets once every two days

Speaker 1 and then okay

Speaker 4 yeah what about semen we start giving away our semen i'm not sure okay i haven't looked that up yet all right i like the idea of donating uh my blood more frequently because it's like a car oil change right yeah like if my body if i'm walking around with old blood then i'm gonna act sluggish it's not gonna be as efficient but if i give a bunch of my blood the new blood's better well i want to start giving platelets because they can find the antibodies in there so like like your antibodies are fighting the virus in other people's bodies so you're like inside of other people fighting the virus

Speaker 1 i love it i like

Speaker 4 spirit warrior yeah i'm like super strong yeah you want to fight the war on corona you're just fighting other people's corona wars it's like mercenaries, your antibodies are like mercenaries in other people's bodies.

Speaker 1 Fuck yes, yeah, fuck yes. Now I'm pumped up.

Speaker 4 If you want to be a fucking coronavirus warrior, mercenary, berserker, blood cult member, just like follow the Instagrams, DM me pictures of you donating blood and what you're doing.

Speaker 4 Just like get, like, I think you have to be in ketosis to go berserker because that's like all the Vikings would eat was like meat and stuff.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 4 Like, I don't know what else they ate.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I mean, mean probably a shitload of pussy but yeah good point cavemen were all in ketosis all the time right

Speaker 1 paleo yeah

Speaker 4 paleo for life um all right billy what do we have next week have you decided yo i'm thinking like dinosaurs i was i love it love it it lost the twitter thing like got some sick dinosaurs in the back of my head that we can get going alison okay sicker than t-rex google it

Speaker 1 we should do yeah, we should do, you should learn every single dinosaur, and we should try to do.

Speaker 1 Maybe you could give us like a Mount Rushmore of dinosaurs. Word.
I already got him. That would be.
Oh, you already got him. Okay, perfect.
All right, well, Billy. Just a word of warning.

Speaker 4 Don't come in here and tell me that Triceratops did not exist. We'll boot you out of the chat for that.
Did T-Rex ever meet a Triceratops?

Speaker 4 Find out. Yeah, Jurassic Park.

Speaker 1 Didn't see it.

Speaker 1 All right, Billy, thank you so much.

Speaker 1 Love you. Stay safe.
We will see everyone on Wednesday.

Speaker 1 Have everyone stay safe. We'll have some draft stuff coming up, and we'll see you Wednesday.

Speaker 4 Love you guys.

Speaker 4 Talking away.

Speaker 4 I don't know what

Speaker 4 to say or say it anyway.

Speaker 4 Today isn't my birthday to find you shy away.

Speaker 4 I'll be coming for your love okay.

Speaker 4 needless to say

Speaker 4 I'm all descending some

Speaker 4 feet So will it wait

Speaker 4 so learning the five things okay?

Speaker 4 Say after me

Speaker 4 It's the better to say the song

Speaker 4 me

Speaker 4 on