Mark Titus, Mt Flushmore Of Things We’re Elite At, Plus We Watched A Horrible Tony Danza Movie

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we have our very good friend, long-time recurring guest, maybe like the third or fourth recurring guest ever. It is Mark Titus, Club Trillion.
He is here to talk about March Madness. What a great March Madness it was madness it was no seriously we're going to catch up with him awesome time we talk about what march madness would have been and then we did a mount flush mores with him mount flush more of things that you are uh elite at being bad at so it's kind of the opposite hank is literally dying he's eating something that's too hot he It is the opposite of what we did in the summer where things we think were sneaky elite ads.
Hank is dead. Does Ria know the Heimlich maneuver? Hank is dead.
We're doing the ads. Why did you think this was a good time to start eating when we started the show? I was just doing that.
The food was passed to me, and I could not help myself. I figured I'd get a quick roll in as the ad went.
was a mistake all right so we have that we have fire fest we have um a board idea we have a king state kings and we have our movie review one of the weirdest funniest i can't believe they made this movie movie reviews we've had ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working nah neither has neither has Ariat. Ariat work jackets and boots are packed

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Boys! Boys! Now in the street there is violence And then a lot of work to be done No place to hang out or wash Washington And then I can't blame all on the sun Oh no We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Welcome to Part of My Take presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now.
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$10 to ASPCA. Today is Friday, April 10th.
Boys, little snaps for the boys. We're a third of the way through April.
We're a third of the way through April. I've actually been having this debate all week.
Do we, the apex, let's talk apex real quick. The apex.
Okay. That doesn't seem like.
What is apex? Okay. So the apex of the coronavirus in New York city is supposed to have happened either yesterday or today.
Now it seems like a good thing that we could maybe be on the other side of the curve, but I don't think you want to cheer the apex. Kind of an awkward spot.
Right, because tomorrow is going to be just as bad as the day before yesterday was. Right.
If the apex is today. So yeah, you don't want to cheer it yet.
We're like, we're cresting a mountain, but you don't get the differences. You don't get to like coast down this mountain.
It's not like you biked up and now it was hard for the last, you know, two, three weeks. And now it's going to be easy as we just take our foot off the gas or off the brake, whatever you want to say.
It's going to be tough for the next couple of weeks. But at least it's not March anymore because March was March was awful.
March is awful. You cannot convince me that March is normally 31 days.
That's bullshit. March is usually 30, and this year it was 31 just to twist that knife and to be like, there's no basketball.
There's nothing going on. You're sitting at home.
Here, have some more March. Here's my issue with the apex.
I hope that the apex, we've reached the apex. We're at the top of the mountain.
It's like, hey go let's go on down let's go on down slow let's go on down let's go home maybe you know grab a hot dog a cold one we've had a long you know trip trip we had a chewy bar up top but otherwise we're pretty hungry my problem is i think we've got we're like if we get to the apex and then we notice that like wait there's like six more apexes that we just didn't even see there and uh the UFC the UFC canceling their next pay-per-view is making me scared and I know that the powers to be were like ESPN and Disney basically said you can't do this Dana White they got pressure from California all that shit came down but Dana White when Dana White has to adhere to the rules makes me a little nervous and and the other news that made me a little nervous but we'll see Brian Windhorst coming out and saying that the NBA basically reprimanded him for being negative about the prospects of finishing this season that also feels like a scared tactic

like hey we probably are going to cancel it but shut up shut your face and don't say it until

we get to like summertime and people won't be as bummed yeah when Dana White gets put in check

he's like you know he's a barking dog and you love having a rowdy barking dog and he had the

shock collar treatment where like he barked a little bit too loud and drew the attention of

the United States Senate and at that point he was like okay i can't do fight island but he did say he did say fight island is being built right now so he's not backing down from the fight island idea if anything he's probably putting more resources into fight island which by the way it better be a fucking island if it's being advertised as fight island i don't want it to be like a cruise ship i don't want it to be an isthmus or a peninsula i want it to be a fucking island in international waters where john bones jones can fight because he's not being chased by the police there i want it to be a legitimate sovereign like nation that dana white owns where the only rule the only law is there are no laws no fish ho hooking. That's the only law.
It's probably going to be like at the exact same spot where Fyre Fest was held, like on that little strip that was outside of the hotels and stuff. It's probably going to be right there.
Probably. You know what they should do? Just get like real low tech with it, rent a truck, and just like build a small temporary octagon in the back of a moving truck or an 18-wheeler and just drive around and have the fights inside how wide do you think trucks are get a double wide boom problem solved get a trailer put it on wheels drive it around and then uh just like challenge the police to find you be like you want to stop my fight first you got to find me they won't know what state to charge you in if you're constantly crossing the boundaries uh so we have that news and then but here's the positive news uh pfd had the idea on wednesday and we're going to make it a full-blown idea where it's uh something we're going to put our resources and minds behind the uh charity bike tour of manhattan to help podcasts gain back the listeners they've lost during this recession? Is that what loose title? Yeah.
So yeah, that's approximately what we're going for here. But the real, I want to stress this, this is not a charity for part of my take.
We're doing this because we're trying to help the industry. You know, they say as iron sharpens iron, as does one podcast sharpen another.
And the fact is the industry as a holes down. We're still doing fine.
We're trying to help the industry. You know, they say as iron sharpens iron, as does one podcast sharpen another.
And the fact is the industry as a whole is down. We're still doing fine.
We're doing actually probably better than we have ever been. We're good.
But it's almost like it's depressing for us. Like I want more competition.
I want to help out those when they're down. You remember when Bill Gates bailed out Steve Jobs? Like way back in the day when steve jobs ran out of money i'm trying to help out our competition so i think what we're going to do i think big cat and i are going to ride on a tandem bike tandem bike around the entire island of manhattan together rex and rob ryan style and uh what we're going to do is we're going to open up the ratings section on part of my take for a short period of time.
And if you rate us with five stars, leave in the comment section a recommendation of any podcast that you want us to promote. If it's your podcast, if it's a podcast that you're listening to, a competitor's, and we'll have Jake Marsh do like little mini ad reads.
They'll read your reviews. They'll read your recommendations live on the Twitch stream and on the Instagram live channel so we can promote other podcasts because a rising tide lifts all boats.
Right. And Hank is going to be on his electric skateboard.
No? Yes. I think you're going to be on the bike.
You're going to be on a bike. All bike.
No, I can't film film riding a bike i can film riding the skateboard what are you talking about you can put a camera on your bike and it can you can basically be the oppo cam where you just go like in and out like showing us like from different angles that's what i that's the plan for the skateboard but your skateboard only lasts for 30 minutes so you. No, it lasts for like an hour and a half.
Okay, so we'll do an hour and a half bike ride in Manhattan. Well, it's going to be a 31-mile bike ride.
That's a little too much. Yeah, it is a little too much, but guess what, Big Cat? We're not doing this for us.
We're doing this for podcasts. And then what about Bubba? What's he going to do? He's got a bike.bba's i don't know bubba strikes me as like a bmx guy like a motocross i want hank along for the whole ride he can't i know what he's gonna do he's gonna you got your skateboard and then yeah how many how many fox sweatshirts do you own or like uh monster energy drink hats oh bubba can we get you on one of those, like, yeah, the little mini dirt bikes?

Yeah.

The tiny ones?

Ooh, yeah, like they rode around in the new Rocky movie.

Yeah, you would crash that and break your pelvis, like, instantly.

We'd probably just, the whole charity drive would just be us

at the fucking cruise ship hospital, just hanging out,

being like, we're here with Bubba.

Isn't that what Meek Mill got arrested for? Yeah, something that he's on probation a lot of things yeah yeah I mean that'd be that'd be good for Bubba's clout though to like you and Meek Mill the uh owner of the 76ers come have to like bail you out so okay so we're gonna do it on a Friday and it's gonna be one of the next two Fridays I don't know if it's gonna be next for I think we need to like actually see how the weather's doing because like if we do it on a Friday and it's going to be one of the next two Fridays. I don't know if it's gonna be next.
I think we need to like actually see how the weather's doing because like if we do it with our luck, we'll do it like when it's pouring out. What you're going into right now is you're pre-canceling a play.
No, I don't want to do this. I really do.
You said you texted and you're like, Hey, what about a tandem bike? And I go, ha ha. Yeah.
No, I said you were more than welcome to say, no, I wanted to include you. I wanted this to be something.
I know. I just 31 miles is a shitload of miles.
What if we got a Huffy and you had pegs and I just hopped on the back? Yeah, I was going to say I'm driving this one. My buns of anarchy training has led me to this point.
No, that means you have to be in the back.'s where like the it's like a canoe like the back is the power is the engine i don't think you understand how tandem bikes work yeah no that's the you want if you're going too fast you're gonna be dragging me where you want to be i'm your rear wheel drive and you'll be drifting behind big cat the whole time he'll be blocking all the air so that's that's more you don't want to be in the in the front i do want to be in the front i'm looking at the picture right now the ryan brothers and rob was in the back rex was up front right after he had the lap band surgery so i think you got to be in the back i'm just telling you it doesn't that doesn't make sense like you would you would want the stronger biker in the back otherwise you're pulling me instead of i'm I'm putting you on my back. Right.
But you would want it the other way. Like you want to be like, you're pushing us.
You want me to be the ass of the bike. Like in a canoe, you want the stronger rower in the back.
I'm going to, I'm going to steer this one. You steer the RV.
You steer the van. So I have to sit behind you for fucking four hours.
Now this really sucks. Maybe we switch can alternate yeah because we're definitely going to take some breaks for like granola or like uh some gorp maybe have some uh a meal smelling salt what about a meal oh we yeah we could stop at well no there are no restaurants that are open okay i'm actually you know what fine pf wait no wait no this is not gonna work i'm reading right now if the the most tandem bikes the taller person should sit in front that's what it's saying i just googled it you googled should the tallest person no i said faster biker front or back tandem you're a better biker than me i'm not saying you're not like i'm just trying to figure out the fastest way to get this fucking done with.
Because I'm sick of this charity. So we'll work out the logistics behind the scenes.
But the great news is if you want to help out this charitable cause, you don't have to pay a single red cent. Nope.
You don't have to pay a single. This is all me and Big Cat and Hank and Bubba.
And we are going to do a service for the greater good of the podcasting community. And it'll be, as Big Cat says, either next Friday or maybe the Friday after that.
Or the Friday after that. Or another Friday.
Who knows? Right now, it's absolutely planned for next Friday. All right, so I'm in for it.
We're going to do it. I'm joking around.
I'm going to have a great time. I'm so looking forward to biking.
I actually own a bike now, so I got a bike today. Oh, sick.
Yeah. Well, it was given to me.
No, to me no no uh our boss dave portnoy is doing his unboxing and someone gave him a three thousand dollar bike and i got it oh that's pretty sweet yeah it's i mean uh if i don't i already told spider that if i don't use it once a week in the next for the next two months i will give it back to him so he can have it because i probably won't use it it's one of those like rash like hey improve myself maybe i'll get into biking that sort of thing yeah i mean i've already i've already ordered so many like accoutrement and accessories to go order some for me like red uh yeah i did actually i got you some sick ass biker gloves hell yes hell yes like biker gloves or bicyclist gloves biker gloves i do my shopping in the in the biker section and just ignoring the fact that i'm talking about a bicycle and not a hog so i've got a uh i've got a harley helmet i've got some spiked gloves coming for you so we're gonna be good um all right so we're gonna do that look out for that that will be very very uh interesting we're gonna do an instagram live for the whole

thing or twitch or whatever we're gonna do we're gonna be live we gotta get we gotta get the uh

helmets where we can get the cameras attached so we should just come with like seven different

cell phones and just keep swapping them out and both of us should be live on different platforms

we should actually be live on all three platforms for the entire time we should duct tape different

phones to our heads and we'll just always be live, always be content. But on different, yeah.
We're Truman showing ourselves. Yeah, it's actually – It's like the ESPN when they show the – Yeah, the national championship.
Yeah, it will be like, hey, you want to go to ESPNU and watch PFT's ass from Big Cat's Cam? Or you want to see Hank have like the sky view where you can get the whole 360 we should have a coach's room too where we have we have some people breaking down our biking technique like who's a good bicyclist your your buns of anarchy gang yeah i'll get i'll get booger and uh and liner to break down the uh the biking journey i do actually have a uh old phone that i've reactivated to go be able to go live like on multiple things i should um i should tape it to the seat and start a zoom and just have that be like literally the fart cam i just sit down on it over and over it's just your ass just extreme close going up and down yeah um i did see that you was it you that you have plans for uh the kentucky derby yeah i'm trying to i'm trying to take my horse racing uh to the next level and just run like 11 races that day on my track i like that and then get dressed up in like a big hat and all that stuff the problem is all these plans like you can't do it with more than like three people but you can be remote yeah oh yeah i can yeah but it's just like i like it's so funny to be like hey we should do this big thing it's like oh yeah but we can't do this big thing because we can't bring funny like people into the office if people got just like hammered as shit and dressed up in their finest and just got on zoom watching your horse race yeah can i can i get dressed up

like hunter s thompson and get fucked up on all kinds of drugs and then write a recap of the day

no you can get dressed up like that other guy who uh who what's that guy's name who's like

dale earnhardt's best friend and he always does like the scene what's the he's kind of oh no the

guy that looks like uh spencer hall from sb nation yes what is his name i forget that guy's name no I'd rather just get really messed up on drugs and no,

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I gave, I gave, I gave, I gave, I gave, like Spencer Hall from SB Nation. Yes, what is his name?

I forget that guy's name.

No, I'd rather just get really messed up on drugs. No, I gave you your role.

So that's your role.

Announcer Crew.

I love the Kentucky Derby because it has like 17 people doing different things.

We should get Randy Moss involved. Oh, yeah, we should get Randy Moss.
Handicap all of it. Fuck, now that bummed me out.
That bummed me out, thinking that we're not going to have Randy Moss. All right, I'll figure it out later, this guy's name, whatever his name is.
Someone tweet me his name tomorrow. All right, let's do our Fyre Fest.
When your home system or appliance breaks down, American Home Shield will help fix or replace the covered item, no matter its age. Visit ahs.com slash listen for 20% off any plan.
See ahs.com slash contracts for coverage details, limitations, and exclusions. Hank, you're FireFest.
And if you fucking say that you're like sick of getting high and playing video games, I'm going to jump through this screen and strangle you to death. No, it's not that.
Although I am having a tough time. Call of Duty Warzone just gets worse and worse.
But my Fyre Fest actually – a call is coming from within the building. Our very own Leroy Insider reported that Gronk is close to signing with the Buccaneers.
They're just trying to figure it out with the Patriots. I assumed it was just Leroy doing Leroy things

and just scooping out of the side of his head.

What does that mean?

Leroy doing Leroy things?

Just reporting new things.

Fast and loose.

Fast and loose.

Fast and loose and going more for the interaction

and the buzz than necessarily the truth.

But I did a little bit of research on my own,

and there's actually some – where there's smoke, there's fire, and it's heartbreaking. It's tough to even think about.
I still haven't listened to – What are you talking about? Gronk going to the Bucs. Where there's boops, there's scoops.
I wanted you to really say it. Instead of smoke, fire, it's where there's boops, there's scoops.
That's the new motto. Wait, what is it about again? Gronk going to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
Oh, wow. So Gronk retired from the New England Patriots.
Did not play last year. And he would join up with Tom Brady in Tampa Bay.
So kind of like the noted pothead Tom Brady. That's right.
Yeah, he smoked weed in high school a couple times. And Sober Gronk and Tom Brady, truly the odd couple.
There's actually some merit behind this reporting. I will tell you that Leroy has good sources.
His ass is firmly, he's scooting his ass all over the story, putting his stink on it, putting his mark on it. And you'll note that every single Bucs personnel guy that's been asked about this, whether it's Bruce Arians publicly, whether it's Jason Light publicly, they are both issuing non-denials.
They're not saying they're not interested. They're interested.
The talks are happening right now. I would put it at, like, Leroy, what do you say? Leroy says 92% it happens.
I just hope that. 92% I just hope that uh but that's in dog percent this is scared off like hopefully like Leroy has like scared them away from making this happen well I just how does that work he's like a guard dog for your heroes yeah like I don't know like oh shit like they're on to us we better not come out of retirement yeah the.
The best part about, like, if this actually happens, there's not a single person better equipped to have, like, two of his star players leave him, willingly leave him, than Bill Belichick. Like, normally any other person I could think of, they'd be like, what's your guy's problem? Like, you don't like me? Like, maybe send him a text.
the deal here guys like i thought i thought you retired gronk like tom i thought we were friends like you'd steal you know gronk and all this stuff but bill belichick will just keep moving he'll probably get a great traffic for it and just keep moving on like not even think about it yeah i mean it would be a big f you to bill belichick in, but I don't think that Bill would even see it that way.

No, he wouldn't care.

He would be like, I get an asset.

He'd be like, I get an asset for Rob Gronkowski.

Like a vindictive guy.

I'll put it this way.

Rex Ryan, if it happened to him and one of his former players,

they were trying to sign with another team,

Rex would be like, go fuck yourself.

I'm not giving him up for anything.

And he would just deal with not having a fourth round pick

or a third round pick or whatever it is.

Like OJ Howard with Belichick.

He's like, yeah, I would absolutely get something for nothing.

Thank you. giving him up for anything and he would just deal with not having a fourth round pick or a third round pick or whatever it is like oj howard with belichick he's like yeah i would absolutely get something for nothing because rob's not coming back to play he's in the nfc who gives a shit yeah there's your spin zone hank you literally would make you would you would create a draft pick out of thin air i don't it would be it would still be just very very hard to do you think Who wears 87 for the Bucs? Does anyone? I don't think anybody does.

I think he's going to. Oh, Jordan Leggett.
And he gets – oh, yeah yeah gronk will just like fight him for that just wrestle him um if leroy nails it i think he's going to and he gets credit on the espn bottom line for breaking the story i think leroy might retire from the scoop business i think he might go out no, then you have to. Leroy will retire if the ESPN bottom line credits at Leroy Insider or Leroy the dog for breaking the news about this Gronk thing.
So then that'll be his final scoop. Then the question is, the owner of Leroy's account who has an addiction to breaking news, whether real or fake, what does he do? I'll get another dog.
Okay. I was going i was gonna say like you'll just do goldfish no leroy will go out he'll go out on top and uh i'll put him out to pasture if you want to stud him out i'll let him have sex with your dog you know just like an old racehorse that won the kentucky derby this is the best journalistic hound in the history of dogs so like if you're looking if you're doing your

mount rushmore whoa what about uh that rent in 10 guy he was a cop oh yeah he was a cop it was a cop all right yeah then yeah i so leroy would be the best dog reporter of all time that's all i had yeah that's it what about last last he did break the timmy down a well story i just had rent in Tim's. Yeah.
All right. PFC, what's your fire fest?

My fire fest of the week is I don't think that there are going to be any more hockey handshakes at the end of big-time Stanley Cup playoff series because Dr. Fauci said that he doesn't think the handshake is ever going to come back.
I'm happy about this. Well, yeah, as white guys, we've put up so many daps before that it's actually good for us.
Not only that, but it's just – the handshake is one of those things that it's like maybe you just have to get super high to think about it. You know when sometimes you get high and you start thinking about names, first names, you're like, whoa, what's – someone is named like Paul? What the fuck? But that's what I've done for the handshake with this entire experience like so wait when you see someone you just put your hand out there and shake it and just share every germ you have on your hands that seems weird if it was any other part of your body that you did this with it would be bizarre right right doesn't matter if it was like your if you locked elbows with somebody rubbed elbows, if you did anything with your neck or your ears, like for some reason with a hand, it's just common acceptance to shake hands.
Maybe the only downside to this is maybe we'll become a cheek kissing society and cheek kissing is like, what seems way worse. Every, every now and again, significantly worse.
The cheek kiss is like, okay. But for the most part part it's like bizarre and weird unless i'll put it this way unless you're a university of florida football player getting ready to walk past your coach's wife the cheek kiss is always like a little too intimate i would say i would say there's never been a good cheek kiss mrs mullen's pretty good at it there there's not a time when it's like this is it's it's family members that you don't want to do a cheat kiss with it's it's a weird thing she my girlfriend's family is italian i never know what to do at gatherings like it's like i just don't have it down yeah yeah um all right and uncles and shit that i've never like i met one time and i have to go in and kiss them just dx.
Maybe that'll be our new greeting. Just everyone just DXs everyone.
I'm fine with that. Or do the...
I've seen some people do the hand on the heart. It's fucking so stupid, but it's like, hey, I can keep my space.
It's like what I was talking about on Monday. It's cool to just keep your space from everyone at all times.
What about the hand on the heart and the point? That or just a knuckles knuckles just go knucks up on everyone just pound it yeah pound it just i bet hey and if you really like the person explode that shit pounding is the same thing it's the same thing no it's not no it's not you're you're killing germs because you touch things with the this side of your hand you pound with this side of your yeah you're you guys are both punching germs at the same time and knocking them out. It's actually very healthy.
It's like nuclear fission. That's how strong we are.
All right, my Fyre Fest, I got two. The Bulls have finally hired a new GM, and I should be happy.
I'm just calling him AK because I still don't know how to fully pronounce his name. Arturus Canisius from Denver.
Seemingly the smart thing they did the bulls did something smart but my fire fest is i've been so battered by jerry reinsdorf and john paxton that i just assume john paxton is going to keep his job and then in like three years bug ak's office and do a power play and get back power and then like reset.

He gets another 10 years.

So that's,

it's one of those,

you know,

when you get in that situation where you get objectively positive,

great news,

which this is like,

he is a stud.

He will be good for the bulls.

Like he's going to actually maybe have a scouting department and analytics

and all these things that teams have figured out a decade ago,

the bulls might do,

but you're in the back of your head. You're like, well, how are they going to fuck this up? That's always a bad place to be, but that's where I am.
No, as a Redskins fan, I've never had an experience like that where we do something good, but in the background, Vinny Serrano, you guys don't really do anything good. So, well, I mean, Joe Gibbs, he was, he was pretty good.
Yeah. That was a long, long time ago.
Oh, bringing him back? That was not good. And then my other fire fest is I bought – I have my horse track race.
Every night, 657, the Cat Cave Derby. It's electric, both literally and figuratively.
And so I said, hey, you know what would be better if I got an eight-lane track so i bought a 200 eight lane track online didn't read the fine print it's just a fucking board game look at this thing and you pay 200 for it look at this look how big this is that's is it hand painted it's fucking huge what do you have to like roll dice to like yeah so i will at some point we will do follow it's also a treasure map i'm trying to figure out how it's possibly 200 for that thing follow the part of my take twitch hank's playing all the time pft's gonna be doing stuff that we'll get to the board idea i'm playing video games on there now too but at some point maybe maybe uh maybe when we go in one night we'll just sit down and we'll play this on Twitch. Oh, I did.
Five hours. I bought a Super Nintendo with Donkey Kong Country and Super Mario World and Firefox.
Or, no, it's not Fire... Star Fox.
Oh, wait. No, Star Fox N64, though.
Star Fox? No. No, Star Fox on original.
N64 was the better. It was pretty good for Super Nintendo.
Yeah. Star Fox on on n64 was was the shit the best i've got like a bunch of old school games that's that's pretty much when i gave up on video after golden eye um you might as well just like knock me out unconscious in terms of video games and woke me up like a year ago because there's no in between for me just give me a second i gotta roll this whole fucking thing up that's how big it is some of those like there you go hank good one look at this guys oh shit yeah i fucking smoked that fatty board game that i paid 200 for that i didn't read the fucking print you're gonna leave a review or what.
Everyone make sure you read the fine print. All right.
Let's do, let's do our interview with Mark Titus and we have our Mount Flushmore of things that we are exceptionally bad at. Before we do that, all protein bars generally taste the same, but not one bars.
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Okay, here he is, Mark mark titus okay we now welcome on our good friend recurring guest uh one-time ban because he did say those terrible things hateful things hateful things that we had to delete from the podcast can't believe we have you back it is mark titus he is from Sports. He has a podcast on Westwood One Podcast Network called Titus and Tate.
Let's start there, Mark. Who had worse timing? I got in the real estate business in 2008, 2007.
I got in the casino business January 2020. You got into the I'm going to leave my job that I've been at and my podcast feed to do my own podcast feed that's college basketball the one year they don't have a tournament.
Yeah, and not only that, we waited until like halfway through the season to sign our contracts. And we kept telling ourselves it's okay because all that matters is March anyway.
The's the only time people care about college basketball is March.

So as long as we have a big March, we'll be okay.

It's okay.

No, you guys must be really starved for content if you're having me back on.

I mean, my God. Fuck that.

No, we were like, hey, our good friend Mark took a big risk.

He went out.

He's probably going to get fired.

I don't even know.

Do you have an employer anymore?

What we really said was, John Rossi is not picking up our calls,

so let's get Mark on the line and talk to him.

No, you're one of our longtime favorite guests.

People actually requested you.

Yeah, am I the first?

Am I the longest running?

I'm trying to think of guys around. Chris Long was number one.
You were the first college basketball guest. Yeah.
Yeah. And I don't know.
You want to talk about great timing. This was great timing.
Like, this was one of the best investments I've ever made in my career was responding to PFT's DM four years ago when he's like, hey, I just launched this podcast with this guy named Big Cat yeah yeah we're we're because you guys launched it in march right you're like we need college basketball yeah something will you come on and uh all i wanted was to just see pft's face and then he wore sunglasses in the interview and i was like what are we doing it's just us three why are you wearing sunglasses dude and uh anyway then we met uh then we met like a month later on the original grit week yeah and we got into a hardcore debate about lebron versus mj that big cat started as a joke but ended up taking extremely seriously so did mark titus and so did hang who said bill russell and we're all very drunk and then we saved your brother's life so it was a a good time. That is true.
Yeah, my brother passed out in the bus. I remember not really caring that much.
And, like, TFT and I would just kind of lock eyes and laugh at how ridiculous it was that Dan was taking it so seriously. And then, like, ten days later, like, the finals are going on.
And the Cavs, was he on the Heat at the time? He must have been on the Heat at the time. Whatever.
Whatever team LeBron is on, he's in the finals for one of those eight years in a row that he went, and they lose, and Dan texted me, and I just took a screenshot and sent it to PFP, and the rest is history. Yeah, but I got you.
You care. You care, because you bring it up every time I see you.
You care. You absolutely care.
I know you do. Deep down, I know that you have, you're a guy who wants to just sit around, drink some beers, and debate some sports.
Yeah, yeah. Mark, how are you spending your days right now? What are you doing? It's horrible.
I'm just, I'm quarantined in LA. Oh, well, you had it, right? It's brutal.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's right.
I was supposed to come to, no, I vaguely remember uh fox we were going to come to the the big east arm in new york and i'd set up uh seeing you guys um you guys were working on your excuses to flake on dinner uh it was all it was all everything was going according to plan um and then fox said we're not sending anybody anywhere and and i was like i'm sorry what they're like yeah we're worried about the coronavirus and this was probably the don't know end of february or something and i and i remember like getting not really a fight with my boss i was like just in his office just like this is the dumbest shit i've ever heard what are we doing like this is so stupid um yeah i i regret i regret everything uh so then i told you guys i was like hey fox isn't sending us because of corona and And then you mock mocked me as well. And then Dan, I think what PFT, you said, like, the NCAA is considering canceling the tournament.
And then Dan was like, that's definitely not going to happen. I couldn't believe it.
I was so upset. Leroy said it.
I was so upset. And then he said that Mark's not going to be here because of Corona.
And then I thought that you had it. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
So congrats on beating you. Yeah, I'm just quarantined in L.A.
It's been a rough go. The beaches are closed here, so that's been brutal.
My maid can only come once a week for the social distancing. Are you quarantined because of Corona or just because it's raining there right now? It is raining.
How do you know this? Are people just tweeting about it? We always check the weather in L.A. right when we wake up every morning.
We just make sure. It's the capital of the world.
Yeah. So, Mark, can you do this for us? Before we do our Mount Flushmore draft, can you give us like two to three endings of March Madness that you saw could have happened? Like, almost fanfic.
I'll take off my pants, and we could just, like, we could really just dive into it like, oh, my God. Obi Toppin fucking finished off the dream season of Dayton.
I would have some great literally translates tweets for him, too. Fuck.
I think Dayton beating Kansas is one.

They had the great Mount Invitational game.

I think having a rematch with the National Player of the Year,

the National Coach of the Year, a mid-major.

When's the last time a mid-major won a national championship?

It's been a long time.

When's the last time a mid-major got to the Final Four?

Yeah, right, right?

Two years ago with Loyola probably. Yeah, Loyola's his sister gene.
But before that? George Mason? Before that, yeah. Yeah, that would have been awesome.
That's one fanfic. Can we do, like, what's the Big Ten fanfic? It has to be Michigan State, right? Given what, like, Cassius Winston, his brother.
I think that's yeah in the 20 years anniversary of iso getting the last one uh has it been that long story yeah i think i think the michigan state fanfic is they beat like they beat a blue blood in the lead eight duke or kentucky and then yeah go on to win it all and maybe even. I feel like they would have – I feel like a fanfic for Michigan State would have had them playing complete nobody coming out of nowhere in the finals.
So it wouldn't have even been a memorable final except for Izzo and Cassius Winston. Right.
Yeah. That's fair.
I think – I just wanted the Big Ten. I was rooting for the – I mean, you know, I'm speaking – I'm preaching to the choir a little bit.
I know Big Ten, but it's been too long. It's very frustrating.
It is. The Big Ten loses title games.
We know that the Big Ten – like, the ACC is probably better. Not this year.
The ACC was dog shit this year. But the ACC might be a better basketball conference, but the Big Ten is definitely number two if we're not number one and we can't say anything because we never win national titles and it's very frustrating I would just like to win one well everyone up so you can say you can say whatever you want you just have to mute the words Michigan State 2000 and then you're fine right like no one can say or routine cleaves just to extra make make sure the quality filters are totally on.
That way no one can fuck with you. Would you have, like, tell me this.
Just give me 30 seconds. I did buy fully in on this Wisconsin team, and I did think they were going to make what? I didn't think they were going to go to the Final Four, but I thought they were going to get to the Sweet 16 and maybe even get to the Elite Eight and have it be like one of those crazy, like, how the fuck are these guys doing it? Because how the fuck did they do it in Big Ten play? Did you say it on air when you came on our show or was it after or before the interview when you're like, we have to fire Greg Garth.
He's not doing it. And then they never lost again.
It was crazy. it's another one of your great timing uh we'll get to that when we do the mount flush more of terrible like things were terrible at that's definitely one of uh yeah uh uh wisconsin no it was is it was not happy i mean you can't simultaneously here's how i knew wisconsin like wasn't that good.
It was like Wisconsin fans were clamoring for Greg Gard to be national coach of the year. Not me.
But then they were also – and then you were also upset that, like, no one made the all-Big Ten team. You guys won a part of the league, and no one made the all-Big Ten team.
And Wisconsin fans were like, how could we – like, basically, you were very confused because on one hand you wanted respect, and you wanted, like, all of the media types like me to say, like, wow, Wisconsin's a true national title contender. On the other hand, you were like, wow, our coach basically had the shittiest team ever win a Big Ten title.
He's a magician how he did this. So you're, like, conceding that your team was not that good and it was, like, a miracle that you wanted to be.
Who are you talking to?

Because if you talked to me, I would have told you exactly

what I said a million times. I thought that they

were like, I didn't know how the fuck they got to

where they were. It was incredible.

It was awesome to watch and I

thought they would probably either

lose in the first round, which

always could happen, or have

like a miracle run. And when I say miracle run,

I'm talking Sweet 16. Right, right.

That's what I mean. Yeah, they would have lost in the

Sweet 16 on a buzzer beater. Right.
That's a tradition.

That's what I'm talking sweet 16. Right, right, that's what I mean yeah, they would have lost in the sweet 16

on a buzzer beater. Right.
That's a tradition.

I didn't actually, I mean I did take

a future on them at 500 to 1

or no, 100 to 1 but

I didn't actually think they were going to do anything

but maybe

maybe

maybe, I don't know, maybe

Which one of the top seeds was going to be a fraud? Who's going to get bounced early? Oh, man. Who was a fraud? I didn't love Baylor.
Baylor was kind of looking towards the finish line. I thought Baylor was really good this year, but once Bill Self kind of showed everybody, like, hey, what if you just set a middle ball screen, then people were like, yeah, we should do that more often.
Then Baylor started losing games. I think Baylor would have, I don't know.
I wouldn't have trusted them in my bracket. And San Diego State, too.
They were kind of limping towards the finish line, too. Oh, yeah.
San Diego State was big time limping. Now, to be fair to Baylor, so we don't have everyone yell at us, I agree with everything you said, but with the caveat that not every team had Azubuque.

Because that game against Kansas, he was in fucking sane.

I think he had like, I don't even know, I don't remember, I think he had like 18 rebounds

and like 20 plus points, which is insane in college.

But yeah, I agree.

Did you think Gonzaga had a chance to maybe finally make the Final Four?

Gonzaga, I really hated this Gonzaga team. It was nothing against them.
I loved last year's team so much that it really, it would have pissed me off out of respect to last year's team, like Brandon Clark and Rui Hachamur and those guys. If this Gonzaga team would have won a national title after last year's team, didn't even make the Final Four, I would have been really upset.
That was kind of the theme of college basketball this year to me. Basically, every team was worse than they were last year.
Kansas was the exception. For that reason, I didn't want to cheer for this Gonzaga team, even though they were good.
I thought they were one of the best teams in the country. It was just one of those deals.
You knew that you knew that i kind of had that selfishness that with me at ohio state like the year after i graduated ohio state in 2011 we were the best team in the country wisconsin beat us big cat remember this we were undefeated um and you guys won in madison uh that 2011 team was a one seed and like part of me was really pissed off because i was like if they win the national title when our 2017 was so much better than them i'm gonna be so fucking mad that like i missed out on the national title these guys won um and then they lost to kentucky and i as it turns out that's

not what i wanted at all wow so mark titus was rooting against the buckeyes interesting full on

that's fucked dude that's really fucked uh every team was like virginia was worse but then they somehow got better at the end of the season.

We're like,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait,

wait, wait, wait Virginia, was worse, but then they somehow got better at the end of the season. We're like, wait, is Virginia good again? Yeah, yeah.
Virginia was not. Virginia was lucky as hell, and I say this as a big-time Virginia fan.
You know that. I'm as big of a Virginia fan as you guys are, LSU fans.
Which is to say I've been a fan my whole life definitely no they they got lucky and they they I mean they they won like I think I want to say eight in a row and seven of the eight games were one possession games to end the season um so I didn't really I wasn't really going to trust Virginia in the tournament but that's okay they won the national title they're title. They're a chance for two years.
The longest reign in college basketball history.

There you go. That's huge.

That's crazy. For your Cavaliers.

We call it second year, actually.

Before we do our Mount Flushmore,

I had one other question. How

is life as

an iPhone user?

It sucks. I don't

like the iPhone at all. What?

I bought an iPhone to FaceTime

my niece and nephew. That was literally it.
My brother

and sister have iPhones, and they're like, if you want to see

Thank you. It sucks.
I don't like the iPhone at all. I bought an iPhone to FaceTime my niece and nephew.
That was literally it. My brother and sister have iPhones, and they're like, if you want to see.
I was like, can you guys do a Skype thing? This was before people knew about Zoom, I guess, with the quarantine. Not everyone knows how to use Zoom.
They're like, the only way you're ever going to see your niece and nephew is if you FaceTime us. So that's the only reason I got it.
It's very frustrating. The keyboard sucks.
The keyboard I had on my own phone, my old phone is awesome. The autocorrect is awesome.
I don't know. I'm getting used to it, though.
I like the Apple Watch a lot. I have that.
I will say the Apple Watch is cool. The AirPods are cool.
The phone itself, not a fan. Do you have the one that has the home screen button on it? Or is it just where you have to swipe up? No, I got the eyeball, like the one where they steal your eyeball and all your DNA, and they can tell it to you.
Yeah, I didn't use that one, but then I realized they literally have everything else on me. So that's kind of foolish.
I was like, I'm not giving them my face. It's like my face is pretty much all over the Internet.
I hate the home screen. Like the apps, you can't move them around.
You have to... I don't know.
It's a whole thing. Like, the Samsung was so...
You could customize everything. It was great.
If you didn't like certain things, you just got rid of it. You just got it off your homepage.
Yeah, but then they exploded. What about the explosion? I don't think iPhones have ever turned into bomb-sized things.
In fact. All right, so everyone go subscribe to Mark's podcast, Titus and Tate.
What are you guys going to be doing, by the way, now that basketball is canceled forever? Oh, my boss is wanting to plug this. Fox is doing this ultimate fan bracket, and it would be great for your listeners to come troll it, actually.
I don't think they would do something like that. They put out a bracket of all of the fan bases.
They're seeded by Twitter followings of each of the men's basketball accounts.

And it's basically just like a bracket of who has the best fans in college basketball.

Duke is a one seed because they have the most Twitter followers because they buy bots.

Oh, fuck that.

Well, no, the best part about it is Duke is losing in the first round because they're playing Lehigh.

It's a 116 game, and everybody's voting against Duke. Oh, yes.
And it's so good. So Wisconsin's a three-seed big guy.
That's pretty cool. Ohio State's just a seven-seed.
Yeah. All right, I'm getting in on that.
All right, so everyone go through that. Yeah, and I'm trying to figure out what's, like, the funniest thing.
I'm sure a 16-seed is going to end up winning it because people are going to troll it, but I don't know what the funniest trolling. I don't know.
I don't know what the funniest outcome is. I'd like to see UMBC get back involved, have their Twitter account, the Retrievers.
How about Gonzaga finally make a Final Four? That'd be nice. There you go.
UMBC, we matched them up with Virginia in the first round. They're going to beat Virginia again.
I love it. There's that as well.
Anyway. Okay, so everyone do that.
Also download Titus and Tate, the podcast. Download it.
Last, last question before we do the Mount Flushmore. Have you re-watched, where do you rank Hoosiers in your all-time movies? I don't know.
It's a tough re-watch because it feels like it's so cliche. Yeah.
And, like, every beat of that movie has – but it's kind of like – I describe it as, like, the Seinfeld is unfunny thing where, like, people ripped off Seinfeld so much that if you go back and watch Seinfeld, it feels like you've already seen this a million times, even if you've never seen Seinfeld before. That's kind of what Hoosiers is to me.
It's like, in my mind, Hoos movies whether that's true or not doesn't matter that's how i've always remembered it so like part of why i think it's cliche and cheesy and stupid is because everyone saw that copied the formula and took it and ran they started the cliches yeah i yeah i re-watched it recently last week and i uh i love the movie like i the movie. But I definitely rewatched it and was like, maybe it's because I was narrating it as I was on radio, so I didn't have the sound on.
And Hoosiers, the song, the montage song in Hoosiers is probably like one or two best montage song in any sports movie. Like, that just gets you so pumped up.
But the basketball scenes just kind of suck. And the last scene, Jimmy Chitwood, like the defense on him was atrocious.
I actually went back and watched it and it actually was like true to form. That was how bad the defense was.
Yeah, it was bad. Obviously I'm biased.
Like I love it not just because I'm from Indiana, but, like, I live that, you know, like, playing high school basketball in Indiana. It wasn't quite on that level where, like, the whole town is, like, calling a town hall meeting to fire the coach if the best player doesn't join the team.
It wasn't quite that, but it was – there was a lot of that where, like, winning – like, I played in front of, like – I played high school games school games in front of like 5,000 people, you know, which is insane. So like that those elements like of the whole town rallying behind the high school basketball team and like the state championship being the most important thing in the world.
Like all that still resonates with me. But yeah, I understand.
Like I don't I don't get super passionate about it because I know I love it. And I don't I don't need to like I don't need to recruit other people To love that movie If other people watch it and they're like This is lame as shit And I just kind of shrug my shoulders I get it I get why you would think that But I still love it That's a fair answer I still love it too I just rewatched it and was like wait Do I not love it as much as I used to love it Because you think of Hoosiers when you watch it when you watch it as a kid, and you're like, this is the coolest movie ever.
My dad has lived every second of his life in Indiana, not just Indiana, but, like, rural Indiana. And he hates the movie.
And it's pretty shocking that he would hate the movie because he's such a basketball guy, loves Indiana high school basketball. He hates the movie because he just, like, will not shut up about how it's not a true story.
It is true that, like, the small-town team won the title. But what is not true is that the year before, they had gone to, like, the Final Four of the state tournament.
And the movie makes it seem like they just kind of, like, came out of nowhere. But really, like, they've gone to the Final Four, and they brought everyone back and then won the next year.
So my dad is, like, he's, like, the truther that just, like, and is like, fuck Hoosiers. I love it.
I love it. You have to have somebody like that.
You have to have a well-actually guy. Yes, I like that too.
Let's do this draft. Let's do this draft.
So when we had Titus on over the summer, the podcast everyone loved listening to. The life episode.
The life episode. Where we just kind of talked about all the stuff that's happened to us.
Right, so we talked about all the stuff that's happened to us, and we did a Mount Rushmore of things that we think that we are sneaky elite at. So now we're going to do the What were the highlights of that episode, by the way? So was it, like, what have you found is the lasting legacy? It's got to be the hot soup for you, Dan.
Hot soup is definitely up there. I would say the tightest callback joke.
Tightest callback joke. Whenever we do a good callback joke, it's like saying Kobe before you make a shot.
We say tightest right afterwards. People being shocked that PFT was competent enough to get a good salary before he...
They were like, what? You didn't live in the woods? Like, what the fuck? Yeah, I yeah i got so many dms being like hey what was the name of the company you worked for because if you were making that much i would be a millionaire everyone's just like no way um but yeah and then and then rusillo maybe being a serial killer yeah yeah we're still like we're still that started a lot of my friends text me and still just to this day, still text me like, is he being serious? I can never tell him. And I'm like, nobody can.
That's the joy of Ryan Russillo. So this draft was, it's a little bit different because I was unclear at the start.
So what we're doing is just things that we're bad at, not necessarily things that we're good at, or things that we think we're good at that we're bad at. No, things that we think we are the worst at.
Got it. Like, if you had a competition, we would actually probably win being the worst at it.
Got it. Does that make sense? Okay.
Yeah. So it's just the opposite.
Things you're sneaky elite at sucking at. All right, Hank will go first, then Titus, then PFT, then myself mean it's not no one's really picking anything from each other right so uh putting together furniture shelves dressers things of that nature i always try whenever i do it i mess like one little thing up which basically makes the whole thing pointless and then i regret it for as long as that dresser stays up in my apartment yeah so you do kind of uh what i do when you mess something up as you're building it and you realize that you've messed it up.
You just power through and you keep building on top of that error and never fix it. Right.
Yeah. One of the most emasculating things I ever did was TaskRabbit, some guy to come into my home and build my baby's crib.
Yeah. I was like, but you know what? I was like, fuck it, man.
Caveman cats would not have survived. What the hell, man? Who cares? You know what? It was too important because it was, like Hank said, I would definitely have done it backwards and he would have, like, we would put a newborn in the crib and it would have fucking folded on itself.
Right. If the job's worth doing, it's worth paying a complete stranger to trust to do it right.
Are you a handyman, Mark? I actually am, yeah. I owned a house for seven years,

so I took a ton of pride in fixing everything myself.

Yeah, I'm pretty...

I don't know.

You wouldn't hire...

I wouldn't have my friends have me do work for them,

but I always can fix things before I ask someone else to do it.

Yeah.

But I get it.

I get being less of a man, though, like Hank's uh what's the most complicated thing you've ever repaired um i installed a bidet in my house so i had i had i took apart my entire toilet i had to uh do i don't know if i had to i just like did it just for fun i took the i i had i installed a new toilet um and then installed a bidet on top of the toilet and there's that yeah my thing is like a lot of wiring could have could have flooded the house if you can change a tire which i can and have done and you can uh like unscrew something you know like if you need to get a screwdriver and be like all right let me tighten this up like i'm I just like to say, oh, I don't have the right tool for that.

Yeah.

So like you can get away with not ever fixing anything

if you just never buy tools.

I have basic competency.

I'm not trying to be a hero.

I'm not trying to be a tool man.

I don't know shit about cars.

So I will do the move where I just pop the hood

and stare at it for like two minutes

and then go back in the car and just be like,

ah, I've never seen this before.

And then call.

I do that with cars. I don't know shit about cars.
All right, Mark, your first pick. Okay.
My first pick is I have a combo, Call of Duty slash Rocket League. This is not video games.
And the reason I put this on my list is because I play a ton of video games. I have in my life.
I'm very, very experienced at video games. I've never met anybody who's better than me.
Yeah, let's do it. I've never met anybody who's better than me at the original Tony Hawk.
I kill all my friends at FIFA. Even first player, I was awesome at Grand Theft Auto, but for some reason, the first person shooters, I suck so bad at Call of Duty.
I'm the worst Call of Duty player of all time. And i threw rocket league in there too because i i played like three games of rocket league and i was like this is the dumbest shit i mean i i when i play those video games it looks like i've never touched a video game controller in my life i am horrendously bad oh no that's a bad time for the quarantine to be bad at something like yeah yeah all right good pick good pick uh pft you got your first yeah my first one was spelling that was a pretty easy one for me bad speller definitely got awful my the autocorrect on my phone is 10 kinds of fucked up too yeah um i mean it's good yeah there's no no complaint there on that first one that's pretty damn good one uh okay my first one is i'm really bad at ending text conversations really Like, I always feel like I go one or two extra because I don't want to feel like someone doesn't, like, I haven't recognized that I've seen something.
I've been shifting a little bit to the, like, heart-like thumbs-up guy, but that's also a douchebag. So, yeah, I really, like, probably three times a day I'm in a conversation that I feel like I didn't end correctly i think that's also showing your age a little bit i feel the same way but most younger people who've grown up just doing nothing but texting they understand that like you don't have to sign off right text message i always for me it's always like yeah all right we'll circle back on this later yeah talk to you later dude all right good chat like i've said good chat before that's fucking lame yeah that's terrible you should have like a an email signature for your text messages that you send good chat man all the best cheers all right talk to you i do love that i love that about the iphone is the uh the hearts and the thumbs up and the haha but that's a douche way to be like that it is but i don't i mean and the iphone is the phone for douches right like so it works out i listen i do it i do it because i really i'm that bad that i'm like i'm just trying to find a way to get out of these conversations but i know when i do it it's terrible because it shows up like a text message maybe there's a setting you can change but i always see someone heart something i'm like oh i have a new text oh no It's just someone hearting something.
Um, okay. So that's my number one.
My number two is I never know when to correctly stop in the savory sweet rotation while snacking. I always fuck it up.
So like, you know how, like when you're like, you got some chocolate and maybe you got some pretzels or you got some chips and you got some, uh, gummy bears or whatever you're doing, I always am like, ooh, I'm good here ending on savory or I'm good here ending on sweet. And I always then lust for the next one.
I fuck it up every time. You're bad at the mesh point.
Yeah. I just can't.
I just always feel like, man, why did I stop there? I should have gone one more. Because I'm a big, I love doing like chocolate and like your problem is jerky you buy snacks in two large vessels and i'm not saying you buy them in two larger quantities but instead of getting like a giant thing of cool ranch doritos get like four medium size and then you reach the end of it that's the end is always a good stopping no because then you're just like fuck i want some more like i'll do crackers and uh and like uh gummy peaches and i'll just sit there and i'll go back and forth back and forth switching back and forth and uh i'll never fucking get the right stop okay is that what you very timely do you ever do that mark very very yeah very very timely one a lot of snacking going on in quarantine yeah that's very true yeah yeah that's a that's a timely one for sure i wonder if you would have had that on your list had we not all been locked down probably not it's definitely a time walk to the pantry yeah it's a time for self-reflection like dude you suck at snacking correctly um my number two is going to be my memory just just remembering things.
I got a bad memory, always have had it. Forgetful, I guess you'd call it scatterbrained.
But, yes, it's tough for me to keep something. If I don't write it down, if I don't have it on my calendar, then I'm just going to forget about it probably.
I was going to say, is this PFT telling on himself that the reason you guys screw up every snake draft you ever do is because of him, as it turns out? No, I think collectively we're bad at snake drafts. Yeah, we're collectively bad.
Okay, all right. All right.
Never mind. Yes.
But, yeah, I would say, yeah, there's definitely times where you're like, hey, what are we doing today or what's going on? Yeah. All right, Mark, you're number two.
All right. My number two is Small Talk, and I have two.
It's a double pronged under the small talk umbrella. One is the reciprocal small talk, which is like I'm walking my dog.
Someone else is walking their dog. And they'll be like, oh, that's a cute dog.
And I just say thanks and like keep walking. It doesn't hit me until like five minutes later that I'm supposed to say like, oh, you have a cute dog too.
Or like how old your dog? Cause they'll ask me all about my dog and I'll just sit there and answer every question. I'm like, all right, see ya.
And I never asked them about their dog ever. And I don't do it.
I don't mean to be an asshole. It's just like, I I'm not good at that at all.
Um, and the same thing with like, you know, a coworker, somebody asked how my weekend is, I'll tell them and then I'll just turn around and leave. And I don't't ever think like, oh, shit, now I'm supposed to.
That person's really interested in me. It makes sense now how that whole ringer thing fell apart.
Yeah, there you go. Imagine if that was it.
It was like all these theories online. It's like, actually, Titus just sucks at small talk.
Yeah, that's pretty much it. As I moved out to L.A., I had to go into the office, and I was like, I be around this environment people just like hey man you want a coffee and i'm like i quit my job yes it was like which uh which pack 12 team correlates to characters in the karate kid and you give them your answer and you're like all right see you later bill yeah take it easy yeah um all right hank you're two uh my second one i'll go with taking shots i like can't take shots without like looking like a huge pussy unless i'm like really drunk duty still no i mean the call of duty was on my list too but mark took that uh but no like even even if i want to take a shot like someone's like you want a shot and sometimes you're like no i don't but even if i'm like yes i do want a shot when i take it i just naturally like my face like quivers up and i just look like a huge bitch it's a it's a great call because there are definitely shot guys that can just do it and they are always manlier we're basically just cucking ourselves with this entire mount rushmore because it's like you know like the opposite of what we're saying is just like the manliest guy he can fix everything he can take shots he's got a guy for everyone he's sick at call of duty yeah we're providers yeah we're definitely not making ourselves out to be alphas but if you if you're a shot guy i think it's because you're the person who orders the shot and you figured out that there's one shot that you can take really well so maybe it's just hank you need to figure out what your is.
And then you order that drink and make everyone else take your drink. Fair enough.
Um, and then my next one, I'll go with, uh, physically texting back. So a lot of the times I will like get texts and I mentally respond to them all.
And then like about 70, 50%, 75% of the time I forget. And then I'll scroll back on on my messages a few hours later or a day later and be like,

this is so awkward now because I responded to you in my brain, but I forgot to text you back,

and now you probably hate me or think I'm a douchebag.

So that happens a good amount.

I do think that a lot.

That's the response in the mind is definitely a problem that's happened in the last five years in society.

I had that on my list, thanks. If it makes you feel better, I still call the duty for me you stole that for me i'm the same way with emails too emails and text both i i i'm the king of like so sorry for the late reply uh just now seeing this it's like 18 days later on the email um so sorry i got tied up corona i will say corona has been great.
A great out for texting and emailing late. You can just say, like, all the craziness going on in the world.
Sorry, I got tied up just now saying this. That's a good excuse.
But, yeah, you stole that one from me, Hank, so I'm going to have to readjust here. All right.
You got your next one? Yeah, yeah, I'll go with this one. My number three is giving toasts.
I have three toasts I give no matter what the – so I don't know, maybe I am good at it, but, like, I have no idea what to say, so I just go with canned toasts. My three ones are here's the new beginning.
I just say it's the new beginning, raise my glass, that's it, which surprisingly covers a lot.

But I stole that from just like, I think it was old school when Will Ferrell gives Luke Wilson the toaster and he just says to New Beginnings and hands it to him. I was like, wow, that one works.
So I'll just raise a glass and say to New Beginnings, even if it's not like a wedding or the birth of somebody or anything, just whatever. I do the Kramer one, here's the feeling good all the time.
and then the only other toast I have is Razor Ramon's Hall of Fame speech

when he said harvard pays off dreams come true uh bad times don't last but bad guys do yes and that's it and if it's not one of those three and i have to like give a toast i have no idea what to say uh so i always so anybody that's like knows me really well or spends a lot of time around me has heard me give some three toast a thousand times in my life razor Ramon always works so I'll give you a pass on that I think if you give that you're good okay my next one there's just so much stuff that I'm bad at I'm gonna say apologizing very bad at apologizing It takes me a while sometimes to get around to it. Sorry, not sorry.
But I do eventually get around to it, just apologizing in a timely fashion, admitting that I'm wrong about stuff. I never want to admit that I'm wrong about anything.
It's a very bad quality to have. And I'm working on it.
Are you? I am working on it. Slowly.
Okay. Yeah, I'd happen to agree with that one okay my last two I'm really really bad at keeping my car clean but it's in a very specifically terrible way and I'm talking about like eating something and then just putting the wrapper like stuffing the wrapper in like the side door and just fucking leaving it

there.

Even though I pass a garbage can,

like where after I parked my car and it's the laziest thing that I do.

Like I will be that lazy and it's horrible,

but I'm,

I'm elated.

That's elite laziness where I'll like eat something and just stuff it in

there.

And then like maybe two, every two months I'll go through and there'll be like 16 rappers like stowed away like a squirrel throughout my car in various places. I just get around that by not having a car anymore.
But I, yeah, I was just messy with my cars just in general, but not in the same way. Right.
It was like always a new, different surprise kind of fucked up fucked up in my car right like there's messy cars and i understand that because i also have that but like the messiness that i do is so fucking lazy and ridiculous when you like i will actually consciously think about it sometimes like finish like have a coffee cup in my in my car park my car and be like now throw. Do you ever run into the, like, your cup holder fills up with straw wrappers? Yeah.
Or dip spit. Like, I'll just be like, no, I'll throw it out later.
I got it later. Like, that's, it's exceptional laziness that actually drives me insane, but something in my body, like, can't get me to do it then.
I'm just like, ah, my hands are full. My hands are never full never full so it's terrible um and then my last is i um am really really uh good at uh like thinking like predicting something's gonna keep happening and then having it go the exact opposite way like we alluded to earlier like i'm it's half shtick but it's actually really true like the minute i have a really firm opinion about something there's a good chance that the exact opposite will happen like we talked about saying greg guard should be fired and then the badgers not losing literally not losing again they did not lose another game like i i will do that very confidently be like bears are back yeah bears are back like i do actually think the bears are back when I tweet that and then they will 100% be not back or like, Hey, I think this is the year.
Mitch will like actually make a step forward. And then it all goes.
So I'm really, when I, when I have my declarative sports ideas and it can be in game too. Like if a team comes out and scores two touchdowns right away, I'm game over and then of course they'll never score again no no yeah i'm kind of the same way when you just when you think you know something that's when the universe pulls the rug out from i'm really good that's that's why i never trust anyone that has consistently strong opinions about everything right because i'm like every time i have a strong opinion about something it's very very wrong yes um all right so that's my four uh pft your last one my last one's just gonna be balanced sports i'm bad at balancing in general so i've always wanted to surf or skateboard can't do it if i get on a skateboard i guarantee you within probably less than a second i will break my wrist very bad i tried surfing one summer i lived at the beach i was like i'm definitely gonna learn how to surf this year um was not able to stand up there were little kids that were way better than me just like dropping in on my waves um just very bad i don't know if it's an equilibrium thing um but i just suck at balance yeah that's a good one what what is the i was going to learn how to surf before they closed the beaches down that was a goal of mine this summer was to do do the same thing.
What were the pitfalls? What do you think is just your balance or is there anything like standing up on the board? Like beginners? Like honestly, the entire process was bad. The waking up early in the morning, that sucked too.
But it's just, I think it's mostly just balance for me. Like it doesn't matter if I'm on a balance beam.

Actually, you know what?

I'm really good at doing the walk on one foot or stand on one foot and touch your nose in a sobriety test.

So I can balance better when I'm drunk.

So I'll amend that to saying sober balancing I'm bad at.

Did you ever try surfing drunk?

Maybe that was it the whole time.

I don't think I did. I don't know.

That's probably the key.

Yeah, you got to do that.

All right, Mark, your last one.

Thank you. tried surfing drunk maybe that was it the whole time you just yeah i don't think i did i don't know that's probably the key yeah you gotta do that uh all right mark your last one my final one oh i have i have a long list uh i'm gonna go with all right i'm i have a very long list uh i i'm gonna go with this one uh i'm bad at the because we've been we've been talking about communication a little bit i'm bad at the-up.
So, like, this is kind of specific to people that host podcasts, which is, I guess, every American at this point. So maybe it's not as specific as I thought.
I'm really good at the pre-interview thing where, like, the guy comes on and you haven't started recording yet, and you're like, hey, man, how you doing? How you been? Good? Hey, where are you at these days? Right. You're doing all that.
But then when the interview ends, Dan, you're really good at this, to your credit. I think we talked about this in the life episode.
I do do it, yeah. Yeah, you're really good at it.
I am horrible at it. Like, as soon as we hang up on the air, when people come on my show, as soon as we hang up, like, the guy's dead to me.
Like, I don't ever, and it doesn't dawn on me to like reach out. Like,

I really have to consciously,

like,

I don't know.

I have to consciously remind myself like,

shit,

I should text them.

Like,

Hey,

thanks for doing that.

Like,

that would be a nice thing to do.

Um,

so I'm trying to get better at that.

I I'm really good at the pre thing interview,

but I'm really bad at the,

uh,

the followup.

Yeah,

you are.

I just wanted to put it.

I don't think you've ever followed up with me once,

but I definitely,

cause my whole thought is like, whenever someone does an interview, they always second-guess themselves right after they hang up. So, like, they're like, wait, did I say that? So I always try to send that text to basically intercept that thought and be like, great job, dude.
I'm 100% – Awesome time. I'm 100% not getting a text after we get done with this, too.
No, I am. I've it.
You've already written it? Yeah, I'd be like, dude, that was fucking hilarious. Awesome job.
All right, Hank, your last one. Just sitting still.
Yeah, yeah, you are. You're a busy boy.
I can't do it. What about on a plane? It's when I just take a bunch of edibles and fall asleep.
Smart. So if I'm asleep, I can sit still.
Yeah. When I'm awake, I can't.
Yeah. That's a good one.
Any that anyone missed? I really suck at spelling the difference between breathe and breath. I fuck that up all the time.
It drives me nuts. I can't spell weird or restaurant.
Yeah. Restaurant sucks.
I have worse grammar than PFT does, ironically. I actually get tips from Hank.
Yeah. I observe him, and then I incorporate some of his little sayings.
I can't reach things on top shelves in grocery stores.

True.

I've made the mistake of texting a bunch of my friends that I've known since I was in like second grade.

What are some things that I'm bad at?

And so they're still texting back right now.

They're just roasting me continuously.

So I guess judgment.

I just have bad judgment for things.

They told me to put dancing.

I'm a bad dancer and clapper.

Can't clap.

Can't dance.

I like your clap.

I think it's my clap has improved.

It's cute.

It's improved a little bit.

It's so cute.

They also said facial hair.

Obviously, everyone knows that.

Oh, I have terrible handwriting.

Do you guys have good handwriting?

I have decent handwriting.

Yeah.

No, I had that on my list.

Bad handwriting. Strong hands.
What do I had that on my list. Bad handwriting.

Strong hands.

What do you have that you missed, Mark?

I have ordering for the table.

I got a trick for you if you want one.

Yeah, what is it?

You just sit down right away and order pancakes for the table.

I just made that up.

Wait, you mean like you go to brunch or something with a big group of people?

No, that's Ian Carter, guys. No, yeah.
He fucking invented the internet. Like sit away right away and just don't even give anyone a chance.
Just order pancakes for the table. I just made that up.
You mean like you go to brunch or something with a big group of people? No, that's Ian Carter, guys.

He fucking invented the internet.

Like sit away right away and just don't even give anyone a chance to just order pancakes

for the table.

That's brilliant, Hank.

Thank you.

It's almost like nobody wants to order their own pancakes, but they want a bite, right?

Exactly, exactly.

Wait, Titus.

I thought that was for Nelly's taste.

Are you saying like people say, hey, can you order for us?

No, no, no. This is our guy Tommy Alter is the king of this.
Yes. Everything I learned, every insecurity I have at dinners, at group dinners comes from eating with Tommy.
And this is one of them where like Tommy orders for the table and it feels so emasculating when he just like, when everyone starts talking and they're like, yeah, let's get some appetizers, some appetizers whatever let's get something stuff whatever uh and then i'm kind of like making a mental note of what i would like but then the waiter comes by and tom he's like we're gonna do this and he just starts ripping things off and then hands the menu and then they walk away and i don't get to say anything so i started getting in my brain where i was like i want to do that i want to be the guy that just orders for the table so then i get what i want um and then the few times i've tried it like it's basically just me it's like again once again it's kind of a theme with everything I'm saying everything is selfish and like the app the things I ordered no one else wants and I'm just sitting there eating everything uh so yeah I don't know how to read the room I guess with like what people want to eat and what is like a good group appetite yeah like what I want and I just assume that other people are going to want it and they never do. I'm very assertive.
Yeah. I think it's about how you say it.
Not so much what you say, because sometimes Tommy will order something and I'm like, I didn't want that necessarily, but I'm like, okay, I guess we're eating it because people want to be led. Right.
Yes. So if you just, if you step up the assertiveness and you're like, Hey, we're getting the escargot and you guys are gonna fucking enjoy it then everyone's like yeah you're right i love the good point ground bugs titus are you a big like i'll have i'll have what he's having because that's a fucking pussy ass move no no okay good i i don't do that yeah i'll change my order at the last second good good i hate copycat orders they're the worst i can't do that.
I can't do that. And then the only other thing I had was knowing breeds of cats.
I don't know any. The only breed of cat I know is Siamese, and that's because they're connected to one another.
Whoa, whoa. What about Tabby? They're the ones from that cartoon.
Yeah, yeah. We are Siamese, if you please.
We are Siamese, if you don't please. We are residents from Siam.
Siam. There is no finer cat than I am.
What is that? I think it might be the... Is it Rikki-Tikki-Tavi? No, it's the one where they come to...
Is it... Coming to America? That's not...
And the one cat plays everyone in the barbershop? Yeah. I don't know.
Tabby, you know Tabby. Yeah.
There can be silver Tabby's or orange Tabby's. I didn't know that until right now.
I was this day's old when I found that out. What about Calico? No.
What is a black cat? What is that called? Black cat. Black cat.
A jinx. Yeah.
You're in trouble. Yeah.
I don't know anything about cats. And then I had carnival games.
I suck at carnival games, and it's really exciting because I'm white trash from the middle of nowhere in the end. I've been to a billion carnivals in my life, and I've played every game a billion times, and I suck at all of them, and it's very frustrating.
Yeah, it's in your blood. You think I'd be good at, like, one.
Yeah. I mean, they're rigged, but, yeah, don't beat yourself up.
It's like, Titus is like, dude, I can never fucking get the ping pong ball in the goldfish. It's like, dude, the holes don't fit.
Like, what are you talking about? Suck it, three-card monster. This fucking ring game, it's impossible.
You're beating yourself up all your life. Damn, dude.
All right, Titus and Tate, everyone go vote on this draft. Fox Sports has their best fans bracket.
I don't know. We're going to release this on Friday.
We'll decide which team we're going to throw our weight behind. Yeah.
Everyone go listen to Titus and Tate, too. Where can they find you right now? You can find us.
We're affiliated with Let's With One, but just go to where our podcasts are. Google Titus and Tate too.
Where can they find you right now? You can find us. We're affiliated with Let's With One,

but just go to where our podcasts are.

Google Titus and Tate.

We're doing a fantastic quarantine content.

It's a great time to have a podcast,

great time to launch a college basketball show.

Everything is coming up, Titus and Tate.

Could not be going any smoother.

Check us out.

All right, man.

Thanks so much. All right.
Love you guys. Later.
Love you, Texas. We're going to get right back to the show.
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Restrictions apply. USA! All right, back to part of my take.
Okay, let's get to some segments and we've got a movie review. The first segment, I don't even know what we'll call it.
Maybe it's just that is Stephen A. Smith back on the weed? Because he, I don't know if you guys saw,

but he was doing a question, a Q&A on Twitter.

And on, I think it was Wednesday, someone said,

stay off the weed, stay safe, Stephen A.

Well, a little different than what we thought what his response would be.

He said, not something I'd say at this moment in time, bro.

The way things are going, I can't blame anyone for anything legal they do right now. Stephen A.
Smith just condoned legal marijuana. I think he actually now can win election as president of the United States.
Chief A. Smith.
Yeah, I think he can too. Who would vote against him? I mean, no one is going to beat him in a debate unless he's going up against Skip Bayless.
But, like, there's – I would vote for Stephen A. He also said – someone said, wow, think of the kids.
Dope isn't safe. And Stephen said, don't be an idiot.
I'm not encouraging anyone to do weed or anything like that. I was saying right now is not the time to play around decrying weed smoking.
There are bigger fish to fry and steven a smith is fried he would know well he's he's a bottom feeder he's a catfish guy he likes the booty uh so booty and weed for steven a right now i think uh good for him for evolving a little bit on this i guess it's yeah our country being locked inside their house with nothing else to do, so you might as well just smoke what you have around.

Also, Stephen A. Smith,

he should be encouraging this from the get-go

because I want to say 50% of First Takes audience

is just people who got high and forgot to go to class.

Or forgot to turn off the TV, more importantly.

Yeah.

They got high the night before,

got high again when they woke up,

and they're like, oh, fuck, ESPN's still on? First takes one of those charmed on TNT or whatever during March Madness. You always, like, wake up in the morning or you go to the gym in the morning, and that show's still on, like, above the treadmills.
Yes. Yeah, it's a big time.
Oh, I forgot to turn my TV off. It's essentially the perfect.
I watched the late night uh warriors verse clippers game getting high and then woke up at like like 9 45 and was like you know what i'm just gonna get high real quick and then oh shit now i'm trapped watching an entire episode of first take yeah it's uh yeah i i've woken up many a time, like bass pro fishing shot, like sign at the very start of it. And it's while they doing the intro or whatever it is, um, that's like an alarm clock for me.
Um, all right. So our next segment is Bill O'Brien Kings, they Kings, Bill O'Brien is traded for Brandon cooks, which I don't know.
I'm going to look this up right now. I'm pretty sure Brandon Cooks has probably, maybe outside of Sam Bradford,

received the most picks in compensation for his trade value.

How old do you think Brandon Cooks is?

He's young.

27.

Yeah, he's like 28?

25.

Holy shit.

That's crazy.

And he's been traded, what, five times?

No, less than that.

Four times, I think. Well, he was traded to the Patriots, to the Rams, and then from the Rams to the Texans.
So, no, this would be his fourth team. Wasn't he on the Saints for a little bit? Yes, Saints, Patriots, Rams, Texans.
Okay. And also – He's well on his way to breaking Sam Bradford's record.
This is like when Tiger Woods got off to his hot start against Jack. He's got a, he's got a show.
He can do it for an extended period of time. But I think that right now I wouldn't, it wouldn't shock me if Brandon cooks played on 10 NFL teams.
Yeah. And he, and then also you got to count the trade for Malcolm Butler that never happened.
That's true. That, that should count.
That was a lot of smoke around that trade that should absolutely count we were so he was traded in 2017 for a first round pick the patriots traded for him for a first round pick and then uh one year later uh or no yeah sorry one year later he was traded for uh a firstround pick. So it was Cooks and a fourth-rounder for a first-round pick.
And now he's been traded again for, what was it, a fourth-round pick? Yeah. So his value is starting to go downhill, but he still has a nice resume that he's gotten traded for two firsts and a fourth at this point and bill o'brien has you know finished off one of the more bizarre off seasons where he had i don't know top three wide receiver in the entire game and traded him away for nothing and then traded for brandon cooks uh and he's like yeah this is good we'll be fine i would say it's almost even an upgrade because look at look at Brandon Cooks and he's like, yeah, this is good.
We'll be fine. I would say it's almost even an upgrade because look at Brandon Cooks, four different teams have wanted him on their roster.
DeAndre Hopkins, only one team besides the Texans has wanted him. So, I mean, to me it seems like he's more in demand than DeAndre Hopkins even is.
But, yeah, good for Brandon Cooks. I have a theory about Bill O'Brien, though, going into this draft.
Bill O'Brien, if you were to make a leaderboard of who I thought was going to fuck up the technology the most using the remote drafting software, Bill O'Brien, the head coach, and Bill O'Brien, the GM, would be at the top of my list for that. I don't see either one of them as being technology guys.
And even if they were, his butt chin would probably set off weird pornography filters and get him kicked offline a few times. So I don't see him being good at that.
I think he's trying to get rid of as many assets as he can, knowing that that's just one less thing he's going to screw up on draft night. Mike Zimmer definitely is going to be up there.
But he got assets back in the Deandre hopkins so he's basically he's still net i think up picks i think they have more picks than they started with because they've traded away so yeah so he so he's actually wants to wants to get randy on this fucking draft i just think bill o'brien honestly is simply saying uh nothing is going to stop me so i'm just do whatever is in. Like he probably – I wouldn't be shocked if in like four or five years we have an E60.
Maybe Jeremy Schaap is interviewing him. And he's like, yeah, I just did whatever God told me to do.
You know, or like, you know, I had a higher calling and it was to trade all my good players for shitty players and see if that worked out. And then it just didn't.
But something is up where he's not listening to any kind of common sense at this point. And it's almost getting, I'll say this, I'm almost becoming a Bill O'Brien fan because there is that level where like stupidity becomes so stupid that it's absolutely hilarious and you root for it because now he's an underdog well if a really really stupid guy is going up against a bunch of averagely smart guys like other nfl had some of them i'm saying you got your you got your nfl okay let's look in his division right now okay you got v got Vrabel genius, Doug Marone, genius, right? Whatever.
We don't know. We don't come on the podcast.
Come on the podcast and we'll decide how smart you are. But if you're, if you act really, really dumb, there'll be a lot of people that think that you must know something.
And so they'll fuck themselves. So maybe that's what Bill O'Brien's trying to do in this circumstance.
But I think if you were to give me, like, make me predict who's going to fuck up this virtual draft, I would still have O'Brien. Zimmer is an absolutely great choice.
The Cowboys, Jerry Jones' fail son, I think is going to be running the show down there. So those would be my big three.
Jerry Jones simply trying to, like, ipad out of stephen jones hands and having it

fall and and log out is definitely on the table here jerry jones still opens up his his web browser

it's probably netscape and it goes to backpage.com and it's just a big this website has been seized

by the fbi logo so he hasn't been able to use the internet for years yeah no jerry jones like it will

break in arlington the internet will break and he'll be like we got to get our it guy on it

Thank you. So he hasn't been able to use the internet for years.
Yeah, no, Jerry Jones, like, it will break in Arlington. The internet will break, and he'll be like, we got to get our IT guy on it, and he'll look over, and it will be, like, his, like, fifth grandson, who's, like, 19, who's the head of the entire IT department at Jerry World.
He'll be like, sorry, Dad. It's like, Grandpa, I'll get it done, and just just fiddling with all the fucking chords because all he does is hire his own fucking idiot family.
Yeah. His grandson who like does nothing but play Minecraft at the dinner table.
Jerry's like, you seem to know those computers pretty good. Yeah.
What is this? Yeah. I got a job for you.
Pays $3 million a year. Ooh.
Ooh. What does that mean again, Hank? Solo.
When you want to make a draft pick, but you're shy. Shy, shy, shy.
When you want to make a draft pick, but you're shy. And Uncle Jerry is trying to get you to take Johnny Manziel again.
Last but not least. Oh, no, you had a bored idea, PFT, the Twitch channel.
What are you going to do? I had a bored idea. I notes app myself in the middle of the night last night.
You guys ever do that where you like you wake up and you have an idea and you just write something down your notes app and then you wake up in the morning. You're like, what was I thinking with this? And so that's kind of what I did.
And this will show you just how bored I am. I made a note to buy myself a DVD player and then go live on Twitch, just on the screensaver DVD screen where it bounces off all four sides until it hits the corner.
And then log how many times it's hit the wall before it hits the corner and how much time has passed before it hits the corner. Because people watch that type of stuff, and I think I would actually watch it too.
I remember reading about this thing a couple years ago. There was a big ball of ink ink that would drop one drop of ink once every two years.
And there was a huge community of people that would just tune in and watch it live. So this is kind of like similar.
I don't know how long it's going to take to hit the corner, but I do know that I will watch that home screen until it does. Yes, absolutely.
And then we have, we have that Twitch. We're going to be here forever.
So might as well watch. We're going to do it today.
Oh, on Friday. Yeah, it's Friday.
I forgot it was Friday, guys. What time? I forgot it was Friday.
Pick a time. When are you done with the advocate? Two o'clock.
2.30. 2.30.
Done. Done.
Part of my take on Twitch. There we go.
Yeah, so make sure you follow it. PFT, you have an ad before we get to our movie review.
Yeah, before we start talking about the garbage pick and field goal kicker, Philadelphia phenomenon, we're going to get right back to the show. Auto insurance can all seem the same until it comes time to use it.
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All right, back to part of my take. Okay, let's wrap it up with, by the way, we have Brooks Koepka, recurring guest on Monday, and then we're going to get into draft mode.
We're getting hard into the paint on draft mode.

We're going to have a lot of great draft content for everyone.

Get ready for the draft.

So we did Tiger King.

We did King of Kong.

We took a little bit of a left turn here and did a Disney movie from 1998 called the garbage picking field goal kicking Philadelphia phenomenon. Starring Tony Danza.
It has a 5.1 in IMDb. Do we know what the Rotten Tomatoes is? Or is it even ranked? I'll look it up right now.
That's surprisingly low. Surprisingly high.
I truly enjoyed it. enjoyed it it was i there were multiple times where i was like they they made this movie the entire movie and then more importantly the nfl let them use logos that was the crazy part also especially not only logos they use actual game footage.
Yeah. But like everything, I was like draft.

I remember draft day was a huge deal because like, oh, we have all the logos.

Like the NFL is bought in.

It's like, what was before draft day?

Oh, Tony Danza in a low rent fucking movie slapstick slap dick movie about kicking field goals.

What was it?

What was the Rotten Tomatoes? I'm looking up the Rotten right now i don't i don't think that it is on there i think that it's like no in all seriousness i i actually liked this movie for this simple fact i don't think i've ever seen a movie that decided in the first five minutes they would would basically make you chug every plot point

and foreshadowing mechanic right as you got in there.

Right when we started, it was bang, bang, bang, bang.

Tony Danza is a garbage man.

His son's ashamed of him.

There's new owners in Philadelphia.

We don't know what to do with their team.

His dad just wants him to win a Super Bowl. Oh, and also he has a bad relationship with his dad.
And like all these things. You're skipping over in the first like 30 seconds of the movie where it showed him loading up the garbage truck and he has to kick the lever on the garbage truck to make it work.
And he's got a much stronger leg than his co-worker. And his friend said, and his co-worker was like, what do you keep this truck for? He's like, loyalty.
Oh, okay. Well, this will come back to play.
They basically just opened your mouth and shoved every single plot line into your face. Like no character development whatsoever.
That was just it. Like the first time that he saw his son, his son was like, he was like, hey, kid, what do you want to do? Do you want to go throw the rock out there? And he's like, his son was like, eh, I'm going to go, I'm going to go play with my friend's dad.
It's like, Oh, here we go. They don't like he like, is it? This kid is ashamed of his dad.
And like the first time we see the grandfather, the grandfather's like to Tony Danza, you're a quitter. You always have been like, Oh, right off the bat.
The first thing first thing that they had the uh the grandfather do was get really pissed off at the eagles for never winning game and saying i'm going to cut off the kicker's foot with my buck knife yeah and so you could see exactly where everything was going uh they didn't really try to build anything up but listen i like it they just did it very fast it was like a speed round i liked it for the simple fact that, and you might not understand this. Maybe I'm like a little bit grittier of a person than you are, but like a garbage man and a field goal kicker are two very similar occupations.
You don't get a lot of respect from people. They don't look at you as being an essential service.
I respect garbage men all the time. I'm saying just like I'm saying cross the board.
A lot of times people talk trash. I respect garbage men.
A lot of times people talk trash about garbage men until you need one. You talk trash about a good kicker until you need one.
The field goal kickers are essential services and people forget that until you need one. I like the symmetry there on both sides.
I also thought that he was like an independent garbage man at the start of the movie. I didn't realize that he worked for the city.
Oh yeah. It felt, it felt like he was like bringing in his hall and then his boss was paying him like for the garbage that he brought in.
So I thought maybe he was like an independent cop, but no, he worked for the city of Philadelphia. There was a lot of pride there.
It was like a, it's like a Disney version of of rocky except instead of having a really great story about a boxer it was tony danza that was like half-ass kicking field goals well tony danza too um his field goal kicking the straightaway old school which is awesome the coach it didn't make sense that the the i don't know if you you noticed but the grandfather at the beginning was like just one time i want want to see my Eagles win the Super Bowl. And then they're like, yeah, this coach has been here for 22 years.
What fucking coach is going to be there for 22 years without winning a Super Bowl? I mean, that's the Eagles way. This was like fire in Philadelphia.
It was interesting being transported back to what, 1995? Is that when it came out? yes by the way rotten tomato score 46 okay on there that's not bad better than like every adam sandler movie ever made i i actually now now that i'm thinking about it i think that what they did was they made this movie in 1998 but when they pitched it they're like hey tony and you know disney's like hey tony we got this movie script for you but we're only gonna use uh the equipment and resources that we had available to us in 1990 like we're gonna just use all the old stuff that we have on a yard sale on the back of the lot and that's how they made this movie because i was shocked too when it was like wait this was 1998 like wasn't 1998 the matrix yeah yeah this yeah the reason the reason this came out like after jurassic park after the matrix after the new star wars movie i think and these are the special effects that they use on this i think at one point it was just like they added a digital ball flying across the field that was the big like special

effects budget oh yeah when he when he missed a 75 yard field goal and let his family down

yeah went right by and then in the last scene when i i hope there's no spoilers because everyone

watched it i'm sure you did when he looked when he looked straight up to try to catch the ball

and it's like for about three seconds they just went went to CGI for no reason whatsoever. Yeah.
I want to put one in the ear hole of the elementary school teacher in this movie. So kind of hot by the way, at the start of the movie, one of the big talk devices.
I'm not kidding you. I had the thought.
I was like, that's like the producer or director. Like, this is like, uh, I'm going to give you this role.
Like, cause I want to bang you. That's why I said I would, I want to put one in the ear hole of the teacher, um, who, by the way, at the very start of the movie, they had career day, which is a very good plot device to use to show that a son is ashamed of his father's profession is that he doesn't want to bring him in for career day and the teacher got really really horny because a pilot was talking to the class so like yes you're right this is 1998 but that's a mindset like falling in love with a pilot because he's talking about flying like that's big 1978 energy right there that's 20 years before and so what made this really lazy though is that was what they used to show the son being ashamed of his dad at the start and then at the end of the movie she had another career day where he was like i really want to bring my dad in for this it's like who has two career days in the span of two months it's the world's laziest teacher yeah ran out of movies to play on that little cart that she wheels in when she's hung over yeah yeah i mean it was and tony danza pulling out the rat to think like i thought the kids were actually in the wrong there like if someone comes in for career day and pulls out an oversized rat out of a bag that's like oh fuck that's kind of cool thing yeah it was a stuffed rat too it was taxidermy it's not like It smelled.
So, um. Yeah, the coach, the, that's kind of cool thing.
Yeah. It was a stuffed rat, too.
It was taxidermy.

It's not like it smelled.

So, yeah, the coach, the reason the coach stuck around is because he was also the person that was doing, like, bed checks.

He was doing, like, weight physicals.

Like, there was no assistant coaches.

500 pounds.

He was just doing every single part.

That guy's dead, by the way.

Oh, shit.

Respects.

Respects to that guy. And my other note was it was really insensitive about concussions they really made light of the fact that you know there's a lot of brain damage going on in the nfl it's a good point hank it's a good point this is this is 1998 this is before bob lee got his uh got his teeth in the nfl it was the whole thing was like, I felt like they were, the writers were like, how many lame plot lines, like tropes can we stuff into one 70-minute movie? And then they did it.
And then they did it. And they fucking crushed it.
It also seems like the type of movie where they're like, all right, we're going to get paid this much much money let's shoot and film it in as little possible time so we can make like as much money as possible like we're gonna film the whole thing in two days i i do want to say i think that the silver linings playbook stole a little from this like there was a little bit of that vibe yeah so this is invincible yeah and this might have been like... What is the fucking name of the movie? I keep getting it wrong.
The garbage kick... The garbage...
Picking, field goal kicking Philadelphia phenomenon. Phenomenon.
Walked so that the Silver Linings playbook could run and win an Oscar. Yeah.
The color of the Eagles jersey, what is that green that it was in the mid-90s or the late 90s? Because it's not the good green. It makes me want to puke.
It just makes me want to miss. It makes me miss the old school, like, 70s bright Kelly green that the Eagles used to wear.
But, yeah, I think it was before Andy. No, it was right before Andy.
I think Andy Reid got hired in 99, I want to say. Yeah.
One of my favorite parts of the movie, though, was the marketing vice president that worked very closely with the owner. Like, the owner wanted to cut Tony Danza or keep him off the team, but it was Christmas Eve.
And the marketing assistant was like, you can't cut a player on Christmas Eve. And the owner was like, you're right.
I can't. Congrats.
You're back on the squad. Yeah.
It was like a big Godfather. I can't refuse a request on my daughter's wedding.
It's a wonderful life. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
It also, my last point on it is that it was ahead of its time because when they did the let's chug as many plot lines as possible speed dating in the first five

minutes. I love the owner being like, I'm an Eagles fan my whole life.

I love this city. And they're like, so you're not going to move.
He's like,

yeah. He's like, so you're going to stay at the, at the current stadium.

He's like, Whoa, didn't say that. We need a new stadium.
It's like, Hey,

look, there's every problem that every ownership team has ever had for the,

for the next 25 years, owners are going to be doing this.

Thank you. stadiums like hey look there's every problem that every ownership you know team has ever had for the for the next 25 years owners are going to be doing this stan kronke probably watched this and was like oh this is how it's done that yeah that that's that like gave him the roadmap for the next 15 years of his career was that my my only other note was that the uh the wife was a real pushover like i was i was really excited to hear him trying to explain that paparazzi picture and he never had to she just let him back in oh did he did he by the way in the paparazzi picture did he did he fall down because he was like oh my god i just cheated on my wife or oh my god this chick is so hot i don't wait he cheated on his wife you don't remember the scene i must have fallen asleep during this part so his oh my god when i say when the booger the booger psa after this was amazing when they're like drinking doesn't solve problems yes yeah yeah yeah uh this was this was another plot line that they threw in there like i'm not kidding they they literally just i we could list all of like the tropes that they did in this movie.
So it wasn't that he cheated on his wife. Some woman came up to him and goes, hey, are you the garbage picking field goal kicking guy? And he's like, yeah.
He's like, can I get a pick? And they take a picture. And just as they're about to take a picture, she starts kissing him on the lips and then walks off and so then that picture got sold to the very noted paparazzi in philadelphia in 1998 everywhere and and that ended up the wife was like oh my god he cheated on me even though like again we didn't have enough time to do a full affair so that's how they kind of stuff that I got you.
Yeah, the paparazzi in Philadelphia, the guys that print out – they just print out pictures on Newsreel, and then they put it, like, underneath your cheesesteak when they serve it to you. You got kicked out of the house.
You got kicked out of the house. Okay, I felt – admittedly, besides the part I fell asleep for, it was a great movie.
I thought that – actually, him and Bubba might have been fucking. That's my fan theory.
I think that his roommate who is the 360 pound left tackle.

I think that they were fucking coach busted on them a few times when they

were both sweaty out of breath in the room.

They had to like cover themselves up with the covers.

I think there was something going on there behind the scenes.

Okay.

The other,

the other,

my other note was like,

what an absolute fraud to get cut from the team and then be like, I'm honey i just want to be with my family like you got cut yeah yeah i'm not yeah i decided to walk away because my last game like you had to beg to even get a last game oh one other thing i'd never realized this before but tony danza brought it up when he was talking to bubba about how he always sleeps closest to the door out of instinct to protect the person that he's sharing a room with. Yes.
I've always done that too. Every single time I've shared a bed with some every single time I had not thought about until just now in like probably seven or eight different houses or apartments or whatever.
I'm always closest to the door. That's my, my i don't know why i never really sat down and thought about it but tony danza's fucking right the guy sleeps closest to the door yeah yeah absolutely always thanks got the cheapest cheapest look on his face like i don't it's never even that's just something i've never even thought about i guess it's like walking closest to on the on the side of traffic yep sometimes you gotta do it that's yeah that's somebody's daughter um all right that is our show uh if you have a movie you want us to watch if you have a documentary you want us to watch we're gonna have one for next Friday have the one for next week we have one for next week and then we also have billy coming up on monday hank's gonna try to rein him in but i love untapped billy i think it's it's the best because he just goes and you don't know where you're gonna end up he's basically the josh mccown masturbation psa like you don't know where you're gonna end up in detroit or omaha but we have billy we have brooks kepka and we will see everyone on yeah uh real quick uh yeah you're right big head it's like a like a jazz solo when Billy gets going, just free-form shit.

So let him cook, Hank.

Next Friday is The Scheme, right?

Yes.

The Scheme on HBO. So I think it's out.
It's on demand.

You can watch it right now.

Or if you have any other suggestions, send them in to us.

Shout out to Cassidy.

This is actually Cassidy from the Dallas Renegades of the XFL

who sent this in for us to watch.

So shout out to her.

If you have anything else to send in, let us know.

All right.

We'll see everyone Monday.

Love you guys. We'll be coming for your love of King.
Shine it away. I'll be coming for your love of King.
Take on me. Take me on.
I'll be gone. I I don't want to.

Needless to say.

I won't set it.

But at least a little way.

Something in the life is okay.

Say up to me.

Life's better to be safe than sorry. Say up to me.
Take me on I'll be gone.

When I turn on to.

All the things that you say.

A little eyeball.

Just to play my worries away.