Scott Van Pelt, NFL 100 - Wide Receivers, Mt Flushmore Of TV Characters

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we have Scott Van Pelt, old friend, recurring guest, on the show, talk about world without sports, talk about when sports will be back, talk about how far Maryland would have gone, and he's totally not mad about the fact that they had to share a title with Wisconsin this year in Big Ten basketball. We have sports maybe coming back.
Well, actually, no. Wisconsin won the NCAA title according to ESPN.
Correct. According to Scott's boss.
ESPN BPI. We have sports maybe coming back.
We have NFL 100 wide receiver list, hot seat, cool throne, Mount Flushmore of TV characters, and some guys on chicks.

So a pack show for everyone.

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We're going to have a positive show because they're trying to bring sports back. Yeah, it's a big debate we have to have.
Is that light at the end of the tunnel or is it a train? We don't know because every time they say Major League Baseball, we're coming back this summer. Like six days or six hours later, they have to clarify the report and be like, actually, the person who said that has not talked to anybody.
They're just hoping. But I think that it sounds more and more like there will be sports at some point this summer.
We don't know what that format's going to look like. We don't know if there will be fans in attendance.
Well, golf is scheduled things. We don't know if there are going to be drones flying behind each golfer yep golf is scheduled dana white purchased an island he's doing fight island dana white and i know people don't like him but dude that guy is out there he is just doing what we like what i would dream of doing being like hey how could i find sports how could i figure out a way to keep my league going i'm gonna to buy a fucking island.
That is the stupid hypothetical you throw around with your friends when you're like 14 years old. You're like, what would you do if you were a millionaire? Thinking million dollars is like a lot of money, but I would buy a fucking island, have people fight on it.
Easy, fight island. Yes.
Yeah, I would steal the idea from Mortal Kombat, who stole it from Bloodsport, who stole it from Karate Kid, who stole it from Gilligan's Island, and I would just have people engaged in combat on my island in the middle of the ocean somewhere. Hell yes.
Yeah, I mean, Dana White's entire life has kind of been like an eight-year-old who thinks that they have a million dollars. We're going to have a tournament, and people are going to fight each other, and then the winner's going to get a big, cool gold belt.
So here's what's happening when I see this stuff. There are people who are saying, god this is ridiculous how could you ever think about this uh in this global pandemic okay got it but let act let's actually think about it because i would imagine that getting sports back will bring the normalcy that we need in the world to have everyone feel like oh my god world's coming back you know a little bit even if it is baseball in front of no fans.
So all those people shut up. The other group of people who are like, well, we're basically treating the players like pieces of meat, I kind of see that.
But I would also imagine players want to get paid, right? Because eventually if all the leagues cancel, they're not going to be able to pay everyone. Well, the cap's going to go down eventually instead of going up, and then that creates a whole other mess.
If everything's safe, do it. It sounds bad to be like, okay, we're going to do the Jay Williams idea and quarantine players on a cruise ship.
I love that idea. It sounds bad off the top of your head.
No, I love it. But at the same time, we have a morale problem in America, and one easy way to distract us from all the bad stuff that's happening is just give us sports to watch on TV.
Here's what I think we need to propose, PFT, because people who are like, well, we can't force these players to play. And I agree.
You shouldn't have to force anyone to do anything here if they can figure out a way to make it as safe as possible. And everyone can go play and get paid and bring back a little normalcy to life.
think the whole entire world i'm talking everyone we got the census right now in our you know in your in your in your mailbox we should resend the census and it should be a just chill out dude if things might go bad like if mlb comes back and someone gets really really sick we need to all sign a waiver being like, we're not going to hold it against them. Yeah, I agree.
Yeah, because they are a little bit afraid. Right.
And they should be. There's some legal issues.
Right. So we need to have like, I don't know if it's a legal document that just says like, hey, we won't, we won't like, we won't fucking roast you.
How about you opt in? And so if you elect to watch a major league baseball game on television uh by doing so you're absolving the league of correcting everybody coronavirus yeah i also think that this is this is a huge indictment of the modern billionaire and i'm not going to do the thing where i i donation shame shout out bill gates that's yeah shout bill gates but this is a huge indictment like old school billionaires would have had something prepared in like the back of their minds in case the world goes to shit. They would still have like their own private island that they could go to to hunt people for sport.
Like Carnegie would have Vontaze Perfect in a steel trap on an island ready to release him for just such an occasion when there are no sports. And so far, the only billionaire that stepped up to do crazy shit and give us sports for their own personal gain is Dana White.
And he's not even a billionaire. And he's not even a billionaire.
Yeah, he's just a really, really rich billionaire. Listen, I am 100% in favor of taking away all the money in the world from the billionaires if they're going to demonstrate to us that they don't even have the foresight to create an alternative sports league if there's a worldwide virus.
Is Dana White a billionaire?

Because I could actually imagine him like a world where everyone is,

like the blue checks are shitting on him and being like,

how could you get an island?

And me saying he's not a billionaire is the only thing he responds to.

He's like, fuck you, bro.

Yeah, I do have an island.

Also, high school gymnastics championships are going to be played at Little St. James.

Yeah.

There we go.

500 mil.

500 mil.

Half a Billy.

Half a Billy?

Okay.

Two commas.

He's on his way.

Hey, it's harder to make your first 500 mil than your second 500 mil.

Is that true?

Yeah, that is absolutely true.

I've heard that the second 500 mil is the hardest.

No, money makes money, dude.

Yeah.

He probably took a beating in the stock market recently. No, back up down it's back up it's back up so i feel optimistic cautiously optimistic the golf putting things on a calendar just made me feel and also what it did was i don't know if you guys noticed but they were like uh the masters is going to be played played November 9th to 14th or whatever the dates are.
And then everyone immediately said, holy shit, that's Alabama-Georgia weekend. And I was like, holy shit, Alabama-Georgia.
This is sick. I was just scrolling through Twitter.
I think it was Torrey Carter, low man nominee, posted a clip of, I don't know, some LSU fullback laying somebody out. It was a clip from CBS Sports, and it was Vern announcing the game, and it had the CBS SEC music, and it got me going.
I sat up in bed, and I'm like, you know what? I'm ready to reengage myself in this fight. Whatever feelings of anxiety or depression that were creeping in from staying in my house with no sports, those are out the window because I heard, you know what? Just give me some sort of serious channel that plays the NFL on Fox music, the CBS NFL music, ESPN music.
Just remind me of why I'm staying inside. The CBS SEC music, I don't want to be a bummer here, but you guys realize that that's ending soon their contracts ending soon but they can give that to whoever buys the program I mean why NBC and NBA like we didn't get that music back we didn't get a round ball round ball rock John 20 years yeah we just got it for Fox uh Gus Johnson calling like Big East games I think they should do it for the sake of the country.

I don't know, man. I mean, I agree with you, but

I think ESPN's going to do their own music

and it's going to ruin...

Like, that will

be something that...

Want to feel old.

Yeah, want to feel old.

This is why we're fighting, everyone. America,

this is why we're staying inside right now.

So that we can have this. This is going to suck, though, when we're fighting, everyone.
America. I want to feel old.
This is why we're staying inside right now. So that we can have this.

This is going to suck, though, when we're...

This is going to suck when they ruin this.

Don't nag out on the big cat.

He brings the boys into Alabama.

That's right, yeah.

Dabo Swinney.

Actually, no.

No, he's not.

He's not.

He's not.

Ruined the mood.

Not him.

Nick Saban and the boys take you down to the swamp against Florida.

The first time since 2008 because the SEC schedule is so fucking stupid.

Will Muschamp leads the boy into Athens, and you're damn right he's sweating through his polo shirt. All right, let's do – it's just going to be weird.
I just thought of that the other day. Like SEC is going to be on ESPN.
It's going to be weird when we don't have that. I assume it will be on ABC as well.
It will be weird when we don't have that music. We've reached the breaking point in this crisis when Mike Greenberg is forgetting what day of the week it was.
You guys probably already saw this way ahead of me on it on Get Up this morning. We weren't watching it before coronavirus.
I legitimately haven't turned cable on my cable. You're such a millennial.
Why are you still watching that? I just saw the clip on I don't watch Get Up during this mess but I saw the clip on I tuned in a couple times by accident but Greeny went through entire episode today, and then at the very end when he was doing his sign-off, he was like, I'd like to apologize to America. For the first time in my career, I went through this entire show saying that it was Wednesday morning when it was Tuesday the whole time.
Oh, damn. He's like Dwight Schrute.
That's the canary in the coal mine. You should watch SVP.
Yeah, you should watch SVP. Greeney's wife he he got the vitamins the flintstone vitamins out of the wrong uh plastic tab that stacy sets out for him every morning um should we do nfl 100 nfl 100 wide receivers let's get mad about before we get hot sequels wrong i actually looking at it so let me read it all the whole thing started yeah this was how the whole thing started so again NFL 100 they did the teams and like most of the I think all the positions they've done this where they basically separated old guys modern era so I don't think it's fair to take away from the old guys because they're just throwing them in there whatever yeah they're multiple earls yeah so it's uh the old guys are elroy hirsch lance allworth paul warfield don hudson raymond berry now the new guys those are all players that played pre-1980 we'll call that the grit era the new guys are jerry rice randy moss larry fitzgerald steve largent marvin Harrison so I this all started because I was like how, Larry Fitzgerald, Steve Largent, Marvin Harrison.

So this all started because I was like, how is Larry Fitzgerald on there

and not T.O. and Calvin?

Jerry Rice and Randy Moss, you agree, are just on there.

Absolutely.

They're one and two.

That's not even a debate.

That's not up for debate.

I would say probably Steve Largent, too, just because he's also like he played a little bit earlier where they didn't throw the ball as much. So he probably stays in there.
We've already got like four people on the list that are on the list because they played an era where they didn't throw the ball as much. I know, but we can't.
I mean, you can't take away the pre-1980s guys. Steve Largent was a system receiver.
He only worked with Jim Zorn. Okay so steve steve largent i don't know i don't know what to do with steve largent i actually am not as mad about larry fitzgerald as i was when we first when we first brought this up really i'm disappointed that you're not as mad because i came prepared with some stats yeah no i'm not as mad i was thinking you were going to be mad no i'm not i'm not as mad i'm actually more mad about marvin harrison being on there okay agreed yeah i agree with that because marvin harrison he was essentially he was a very good route runner good hands overall very good receiver also had but he also played with peyton manning who threw the fuck out of the ball every single game so here here's how i i broke down my list i would do he also killed somebody he also killed someone this this might be where you can find contention in it i actually am keeping larry fitzgerald on my list i am now taking off marvin harrison and as much as to i'm actually doing the real journalist thing where i'm saying T.O.
what he took away from the team.

He was too mean to the media.

Big Cat saying that.

No, I mean he called all his quarterbacks gay. But yeah, that also probably has something to do with it.
I think Calvin Johnson. Jeff Garcia and Donovan.
Yeah, even though Calvin Johnson played less than all those guys,

I think he is better of a wide receiver than T.O. and Larry Fitzgerald and Marvin Harrison and Chris Carter.
So I'm putting Calvin on my list instead of Marvin Harrison keeping Larry Fitzgerald on. Calvin, if you look at it, has a higher yards per reception than everyone else that I just listed.
He also has the greatest receiving season in 122 receptions, 1964 yards. And he was playing on the Lions.
He was playing on the Lions. That's expert mode.
That's all Madden level. He was playing on the Lions, and yes, he had Matthew Stafford, but he had a young Matthew Stafford.
He also had to have John Kitna, Dan Orlovsky, Dante Culpepper, Sean Hill was there for a season. I think Calvin Johnson, and I know that he didn't play very long and cut it short, but I think he is a better receiver at his peak than T.O.
and Marvin Harrison. Okay, I agree with that.
I think that he is number three. I think it's Randy Moss, Jerry Rice, and then Calvin Johnson.
Then I'm going to go with T.O. I'm not going to let.
So you're taking Larry off? No. I'm not going to let the way that he treated the media cloud my judgment like you are, Big Cat.
I think that I'm only judging this on the field. When T.O.
was on the field, he was unstoppable. No, I'm not talking about the media.
I'm talking about, he basically... No, I'm not talking about the media.
You're believing the lies that the media told you. No, I'm not talking about the media.
I'm talking about, like, what he did to his teammates. I'm going to choose to leave T.O.
on this list. I have no problem with what he does to the media.
Can I just pretend that you said some bad shit about Larry Fitzgerald? Should it just be about how his play on the field, though? Exactly. Strictly on the field, like Peter King.
Nah. I mean, he's an unbelievable receiver.
He's right off the list. It's NFL top 100 players, not top 100 teammates.
If I could take Steve Largen off, I'd take Steve Largen off. I basically went for the top four wide receivers in the modern, modern era, and I'm going with Jerry Rice, Randy Moss, Calvin Johnson, Larry Fitzgerald.
Just telling you. And T.O.'s number five.
You're putting up this much of a stink about T.O. And you didn't really say that much about O.J.
So. What's your list? Okay.
Well, let me just pretend that you said no Larry Fitzgerald. Okay.
But I. Because you've been teasing it.
But you've been teasing it. But I looked at it.
For weeks. Wait.
No, no. Hold on.
When we first did it. When we first did it though.
I said. I have to look at it more.
Fun stat number one, he has more tackles than drop passes in his entire career.

That's fucking wild, isn't it?

Yeah.

Stat number two, here's his playoff statistics.

2008, here's the game breakdown.

101 yards, one touchdown.

166 yards, a touchdown.

152 yards, three touchdowns.

Seven receptions for 127 yards and two touchdowns in the super bowl then after that i'm going to jump to the end and just say he's got he averages about 94 yards per game in the playoffs and over a touchdown in every touch in every uh postseason game they's ever played in and here's a fun list of the quarterbacks he's caught touchdown passes from. Obviously, there's Kurt Warner.
There's Carson Palmer. Average 104 yards in playoffs.
After that, Josh McCown, John Skelton, Josh Rosen. Yeah, no, I agree.
Kevin Cobb, Matt Leinart, Kyler Murray, Derek Anderson, Drew Stanton, Blaine Gabbert, Max Hall. Who's Max Hall? He's a creative player.
Richard Bartell, Sean King, Brian St. Pierre, and that's it.
That's a list of quarterbacks that have thrown touchdown passes to Larry Fitz. He's absolutely on this list.
He deserves to be on this list. So wait, who did you take off? I will stand Larry Fitzgerald.
Wait, wait, so who'd you take off? I'm dropping Raymond Berry. No, no, no.
You can't do this because we did this last time. You can't take any of the old guys off.
Steve Largent. No, no.
You have to keep Steve Largent on too, so give us your top four. Why do I have to keep Steve? He stopped playing in 1989.
Yeah, but this is the... Again, this is like...
He overlapped at Jerry Rice. We're trying to make it hard for ourselves.
But he overlapped with Jerry Rice. 1989 isn't that old.
Give me your four. Give me your top four and make it hard on yourself.
I made it hard on myself. I didn't take Steve Largen out.
I didn't take any of the old guys out. Steve Largen isn't.
Steve Largen's not an old guy. I'm saying do it.
Just give me your four. Make it hard on yourself.
I'm very confused what you're're asking i'm saying give me your top four okay uh my top four jerry rice i know randy moss number one jerry rice number two calvin johnson number three and then number four larry fitz okay so we have the exact same rankings so you don't respect to the same way no i i kept steve larger on to make it difficult he's for a of course steve of course to is better than steve largen but i'm making it difficult on myself so we agree 100 for a i'm still you you've been teasing me to get pre-mad about larry fitzgerald but i looked at it then you pulled the okey doke no shout out to me for being able to look at it and be like hey you know what i when we were when we talked about this originally i was wrong a This is a false buildup from you. I can admit when I'm wrong.
False buildup from you. You can't.
So can I. Mountain Dew spit bottle.
No, I apologize to Hank. Remember Hank? You actually did admit it on air.
Hank put it in. Oh, no, I know.
So we have the exact same rankings. We do now, but you've also said, I'm disagreeing with former Big Cat.
But if we pull back the tape, I basically was like, I need to look at it. Sounds like you're a flip-flopper.
No, I need to look at it. And I looked at it, and I agreed that Larry Fitzgerald should be four.
Stick to your guns. And T.O.
should be five. Best butt on the list, too, Larry Fitzgerald.
All right, so yeah, that's the list. We have the exact same list.
I think Calvin Johnson should be on there. It's crazy if he's not.
I agree. It's nuts.
I don't know who voted on this. It was Collinsworth, Belichick.
I don't know who else was on the poll. It just also sucks that they do the old five guys.
Of course, I don't think any of these five guys, but you have to keep them on. I don't know.
It's stupid. But you're talking shit about T.O., but you remain silent on Randy Moss when he got mad about the barbecue catering tray in the Vikings at one time.
Exact same ranking that you have.

Yes.

Okay.

So we have the exact same.

Do you have any comment about Randy Moss getting mad at Randy Moss is the is the best receiver in the history of the NFL.

Correct.

We have the same.

I don't.

Yeah.

I don't.

I don't care what he did.

What he did to a caterer.

Yeah.

The barbecue.

What did he do?

You don't remember that?

No.

That was it's the most hilarious, dumb, fake news cycle. It was in 2013, 2014, towards the end of his career.
They had some catered lunch in the Vikings locker room. And then afterwards, all these reports came out saying that Randy Moss insulted the brisket or the barbecue.
And it was like a mom and pop that had been serving the team for the last 20 years. Randy Moss had his issues too like he wasn't the best teammate uh but he was also the greatest wide receiver of all time.
Also Randy Moss is awesome on television. Yes he is so I've never seen someone so mad to agree you're mad.
I'm mad at former big cat right but because you've been getting me I've been in a cage this whole time and you've been poking me. You're like, hey, I'm going to talk about Larry Fitzgerald in a couple weeks.

And then you opened up the cage, and you gave me birthday cake.

And so now I'm like, yeah, I agree.

Thank you for the birthday cake.

It's awesome.

You know I love the corner pieces.

But I'm still going to need a second to calm down from the last two weeks of stewing about Larry Fitzgerald.

Well, when we first talked about it, I didn't even know Marvin Harrison was on it.

I'm pretty sure we just knew that Calvin Johnson and T.O. weren't on it, and I was like, how is this fucking possible? Now I understand, and yeah, I think Calvin Johnson should be on it ahead of Marvin Harrison and then T.O.
If you want to take Steve Largenoff, if we are allowed to take Steve Largenoff, it's a no-brainer. Jerry Rice, Randy Moss, Larry Fitzgerald, T.O.
I took him off just because he did overlap with Jerry Rice. I was trying to make it hard on us like because it's easy to like that's such a no-brainer five for me so i was like let's make it as difficult as possible and have to make a decision between calvin larry and t you know what we should do we should just acknowledge the old people on the list and instead of doing like have these like arbitrary year cutoffs just list our top five no matter what yeah what our our top five would be.
What are your top five, Hank? Do you have a top five? Jules, Welker. Yeah, so Piazzi and I have the same top five.
Randy Moss. Randy Moss.
Jerry Rice. Troy Brown.
Amendola. I'd have to look, too.
I might even have... Baffle Johnson.
I might even have... No, Rishay Caldwell.
I might even have Chris Carter over Marvin Harrison. I don't know about that.
I'd have to look too I might even have Baffle Johnson I might even have No Richie Caldwell I might even have Chris Carter over Marvin Harrison I don't know about that I'd have to look But I Yeah I might I don't know I haven't decided yet Maybe that's what we can Get mad about Those guys Chris Carter or Marvin Harrison Marvin Harrison Nice career But A really good career Fucking awesome career But man Having Peyton Manning definitely makes it a lot easier. I remember when Marvin Harrison, when he stepped away, and then right behind him they had Pierre Garçon.
Yeah. And Pierre Garçon became a really good player.
I was like, yeah, how much of this was Marvin and how much? Because there were a few years back to back to back to back where Peyton was throwing touchdowns to Dallas Clark, Ben Utek, all these random guys. And so he was able to make a lot of players look great.
I mean, his first year in Denver, he made all those guys look amazing. Eric Decker was like a top three wide receiver in the league.
So, yeah, there's definitely a Peyton Manning factor that you have to take into account here. So I think, yeah, for him it was kind of an easy choice for me to move him out of that top five.
I'm looking at it right now, and Chris Carter and Marvin Harrison basically have the exact same stats. It's just that Chris Carter played like 45 more games than Marvin Harrison.
So I guess I would give it to Marvin Harrison there. Also, people don't talk about the fact that Marvin Harrison assaulted a Jets ball boy before a game.
And killed a guy. Yeah, well, allegedly.
Allegedly. Allegedly assaulted a Jets ball player.
And allegedly killed a guy. And then killed a guy.
Yeah, that part really gets lost. We're talking about T.O.
doing some sit-ups in his driveway, but man. Can you just bleep out Marvin Harrison's name? I don't want him to come after me.
Yeah, he is kind of scary. All right, let's get to our hot seat, Cool Throne, before we get to SVP.
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Hank. My hot seat is Mike Gundy.
Yeah. So he was on a conference call with reporters earlier today on Tuesday, and he is obviously the coach of college football players.
They don't get paid any money. True.
He said, in my opinion, we need to bring our players back. They're 18, 19, 20, 21, and 22 years old.
They are healthy, and they have the ability to fight this virus off. If that is true, then we sequester them and continue because we need to run money through the state of Oklahoma.
So he's saying that... People are not happy.
I think that's a situation where maybe he probably has some people involved that if he was at the school, they would have been like, hey, don't say this, but he just did the call from his house and just kind of let loose. Didn't work out for him.
This is why Gundy definitely needs a filter to run things through, because there's nothing that he said that was a lie about how a lot of major college coaches think. He just said the quiet part really, really loud and was like, hey, we need these players who are all 18 and 19 that don't get paid to make money for other people based off their labor, which is not a great way to phrase things, admittedly, if you're my...
He should have just said, if we can't whoop a virus's ass, how are we going to go on the road or how we, what's going to happen in Bedlam? Mm hmm. He, it's different when it's college kids.
He definitely, he missed that. He probably read the biodome stuff and Dana White and being like, oh, tides are changing here.
We're ready to get back to work. We got to pump money into this state is not it's not a great thing to say.
It's just like we need to generate revenue off the labor of these unpaid players. Yes.
My cool throne last week, the cool throne was lists. This week, the cool throne is groups.
Yes. How so? So every major media company is doing whether it's like TV shows or groups of athletes, like whether you went to Wisconsin, it's like here's eight groups of four Wisconsin athletes.
Which group would you want to be in quarantine with? Like here's eight groups of like three different TV shows. Like which group would you want to be quarantined with? That's the new hotness in the streets.
Yeah, we're so bored. Yeah, we're so bored.
As a country, we're bored. And Instagram lives.
Everyone's going on live. Everyone's living on live.
We're living life through live. Life is content right now.
All the time. It's like an episode of Black Mirror.
Yeah. PFT, your hot seat, Coltron.
My hot seat is Tigers because... Big cats, actually.
Big cats. Yeah, big cats in general because big cats are now capable of catching the virus.
The one at the Bronx Zoo is sick. Thoughts and prayers to it, and I hope it pulls through just fine.
Imagine being a big cat that said they'd inject themselves with the virus. Yeah.
I still would love to have it just to get it over with at this point i really would just like to i hate i hate the coronavirus it's such a fucking asshole yeah i hate it too i don't respect it i hate it get out of my face virus literally uh so my other hot seat is podcast because podcasting numbers are down across the board uh i read a study that says that they're like six are you repeating what i said what I said last week? No, but I read another study. Got it.
Podcasts are down and I decided that I'm going to do something to raise awareness for this. Okay.
Raise awareness for podcasts. I am going to do that bike ride around Manhattan, but I was waiting to find out like some sort of charity I could do.
I'm doing it to raise awareness for podcasting numbers being down. So if you want to sponsor me in this bike ride around Manhattan, I'm going to try to do it in under – I pulled up the Google Maps on it, the perimeter of Manhattan.
It's about a three-hour bike ride. Now, there are some places that I don't know which streets to take exactly, so I'm going to give myself three hours, 15 minutes to get around the island of Manhattan.
If you want to sponsor me, download one podcast, preferably a part of my take, but it could be your choice. And that will sponsor me for a minute of my ride in order to raise awareness for podcasts.
And tag 10 friends to also do it. It's a podcast download challenge.

Yes, and then tag Erica Nardini and say I'm sponsoring.

Holy shit.

I can't believe PFT is putting the weight of the podcasting world on his shoulders to accomplish this fantastic feat.

So I don't know.

I don't know what I do.

Do I have to wear like a gold jacket?

Is that what they wear in the Tour de France?

No, I think you're good.

You just wear whatever you wear.

Okay, just wear whatever I wear. I'll be doing that.
When should I do that? I'll go live. I'll go IG live on that.
Yeah. You think Friday, Saturday? I don't think days matter anymore.
So, yeah. Saturday? What do you think? Friday.
You think honk? Friday? Friday? Okay. I'm going to join him for some of it.
Some people might still be working. Where? At home? Yeah, some people work, but that's why we're going to go live.
Yeah, but I'm saying do it on Saturday. We'll probably get more people to watch because they're just sitting at home doing nothing.
I think Saturday more people will be out walking. They're not supposed to.
Don't do that. Yeah, that's what I'm going to be doing on a shitty bike too because I don't own a bike.
A city bike? No, I didn't say that. Are you going to do it on a city bike? No doesn't have a lot of gears bad bike three of them to get you a gear no i don't need you should actually if you really wanted to say podcast you do it with a bike with no brakes i'm not gonna use my brake okay there you go all gas no brakes i'm not gonna brake on this podcasting uh excurs Here's a dumb question.
Why doesn't Peloton make bikes? Because, like, bike places make bikes? Yeah. Aren't they a bike place? Yeah, but, like, the whole point is that you don't have to have a bike.
Most modern technology companies eventually go back in time after they've been around for a while. Like, Uber is going to eventually make buses.
Mm-hmm. But, like, they have – they make bikes that are the anti-bike.
But you would think that if you have a Peloton bike then you might... You're clearly a biker and you're clearly probably going to get an outdoor bike.
They should make it so you can take your Peloton bike off its stand and use it. That's actually a good idea.
A bike that monitors how much output you're putting out while you're on a trail actually outside. That's not a bad idea.
Yeah. All right.
So biking for charity on Friday. Sure.
Friday. High noon.
High noon. We ride together.
My cool throne is the coronavirus because Martin Shkreli is asking to get out of jail to fight the disease. So I make the pill to fight.
Actually, you know what? My cool throne is Martin Shkreli because he's going to save the world. Wu-Tang.
Yeah. Well, if he dies, we get the album, right? Our band is on the cool throne because Shkreli's out of prison.
I'm sure he's been writing a lot of songs. So, yeah, he's going to figure out a cure for this whole thing and charge everybody a fair price.
Yes. All right, my hot seat is...
I think we might not have have talked about on monday the name karen because there's this is the we are very bored segment of twitter uh when julie bindle said does anyone else think the karen slur is woman hating and based on class prejudice which is such a julie thing to do but yeah so karen is karen a slur the k word do Yeah, is the K word a slur? You're using a lot of hard R's. I called Steve Weeb's wife a Karen.
I'm shook about it. What about a Becky? Does that now make Becky? Actually- No, Becky's on the cool throne.
Wait, no, no. But Julie saying, is Karen a slur, but not saying, is Becky a slur first, is actually the most woman hating you could do because she's hating against pretty ladies.
So she is teaming up- Becky was a homewrecker. On Karen.
No, Becky's a slur first, is actually the most woman-hating you could do because she's hating against pretty ladies. So she is teaming up on K's side.
No, Becky's a good-looking girl, right? Yeah. Homewrecker.
Right. Yeah, no, you actually make a good point because where was she when all the Becky slurs was going on? She was sitting back because she was glad that young, attractive women were getting made fun of.
She's the most woman-hating and class- ever seen i agree with that what so k how what word are we going to use for that i can't say the k word yeah the k word yeah can i say the k word if it's in the lyrics to my humps yes so i can say i don't have to say like k words got me sharing i i like justin jackson said if being called Karen is slur, I think you'll be okay. It's a good point.
That's fair. Yeah.
Some of my best friends are Karens. I can say it.
I actually don't know a lot of Karens. Whoops.
Wow. I can't say it.
My cool throne is pandas because they had sex. And I actually really, Billy, shout out billy who uh i think his exact quote was this is actually really sick for the panda species because they low-key suck at sex which is a great billy fact um and then also uh asking girls for nudes is on the cool throne because i don't know if you guys saw this guy chris raindone i don't even know who he is i saw it uh i said if you're asking for nudes during this pandemic you still haven't learned that shit is played out have a girl send you a picture of her reading a book out loud or listening to a podcast so you know they're not dumb it's not about physical connect with them mentally dig deep yeah or you can ask them to send you a picture reading a book while naked yeah that would be cool or listening to Or listening to a podcast while naked.
Like everyone listens to this podcast. By the way, this guy's very clearly just trying to get girls to send them nudes.
Yeah, absolutely. By saying, I don't even want nudes anymore.
He's got a shitload of Beckys and Karens hitting them up for sure. All right, let's get to our interview with Scott Van Pelt.
Which one calls the manager over? Karen. Okay.
Becky sucks the manager's dick. What about a barbecue? Who calls the cops on a barbecue? Karen.
I thought her name was Barbecue Becky. No, that was just an alliteration.
Okay, got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That one, that was not, she was not a Becky. She was definitely a Karen.
So, Karen Verge, Becky Chad. Yes.
Got it. Yes, exactly.
All right, let's get to our interview with Scott Van Pelt. Before we do that, a quick word from our friends at MeUndies.
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Here he is. Scott Van Pelt.
Okay. We now welcome on our good friend, recurring guest.
It is SVP Scott Van Pelt. He is still doing sports center every single night.
You You should watch it on ESPN. And he has a podcast, SVP.
Is SVP odd or SVpod? Whatever you call it is fine. It's, you know, we're not up there on the rankings.
We're just a meager podcast trying to figure out who the hell is going to be on. I forget I have it, and then it's like, oh, yeah, I have a podcast.
SV Pod is what we've called it. SV Pod.
Did you do the thing where it debuted when it was, like, number one on the charts, and you took the screenshot, and you're like, look at me. Yeah, Rusillo explained how you can kind of cook the, like, I don't know what it is.
He understands the ratings and all that, and it's like, I guess it's sort of fake when you debut, and then after that, it's like you either, well, you guys are always number one, so you're just number one. But then after that, then you're not number one, so it was all just sort of fake.
But I don't know. Yeah, you guys were up there, so we'll say you were number one.
Who cares? Let's just say you were number one. I don't think we were.
Whatever it was, it isn't now, but I'm not troubled by it at all. I'm more troubled by many other things right now in the world than where we are ranked.
Yeah, so let's do that. Let's start with that.
Where are you at mentally, mental health? And also just when do you think sports are going to be back? Because we've done, we've had dark days, we've had light days. I had a day where I canceled everything until 2022.
Now I'm thinking like, ooh, June's going to be popping. Where are you at with that? I I'm like you, it's a roller coaster.
I always say that I'm optimistic because it costs the same, but I told Jeff passing the other day, that's true, but I can't find the money to pay for optimism right now. Like whatever it costs, I don't have the money for it.
Cause it just feels like, I mean, it's the whole testing and we got to get tested and we need a vaccine but the vaccine won't be here until like god knows when and then well can we test and if you do test who do you test but more people that are sick need to test well we shouldn't waste a bunch athletes true i agree with that but then like the new baseball thing that broke on tuesday night or whatever like monday night i was, with passing on our show, the idea of games is cool, but think about this, fellas, honestly. As exciting as it will be to say, we're back, sports are back.
Well, two days into baseball and stadiums, you don't know where they are with no fans in the stands and guys sitting like eight seats apart in the bleachers. People are going to go like, this blows.
I don't like this. Everyone hates everything.
No one's going to like it. It's going to be great for a foul ball guy, though.
He's going to clean up in terms of the home runs that he catches. Well, but at least we can complain about it.
We need something to complain about. I was actually just looking through your Twitter.
You're not even going at it with trolls anymore. Yeah, I don't have the energy.
I have the energy that i you're right we need really what we need is the ability to bitch about stuff like tampa bay put out new uniforms on tuesday and people that people like i actually kind of like those no no so i couldn't believe it we're about to tape the rest of tonight's show after you're done and i just wrote down that i wanted to get fake mad about the bucks uniforms because like I I do need something to get mad about I think it was um the onion it was like a month or two after 9-11 and the headline was nation longs to care about stupid shit yes that's what I want I want to get mad at at like Angel Cabrera's strike zone yeah we we Scott we've been doing the the best like the thing I look forward to the most with this show right now is every Wednesday we are going back and looking through the NFL 100 list and going position by position and getting pissed off about it. That's what I feel alive.
You've got to manufacture the hate and the anger somewhere. And just, again, the fact that people didn't go nuts on the Buccaneer uniforms, it means maybe, A, they're pretty good.
although I think everybody wanted the creamsicles and we didn't get them. But nevertheless, they're pretty good.
They didn't hate them like everybody hates the Rams new logo. But, I mean, where am I day-to-day? I'm so pissed that the NCAA tournament didn't get played.
I'll never get over that. Even though we fake lost to you guys in some bullshit made-up thing where you guys beat us on a

buzzer beater.

That's the ESPN BPI.

Are you not a company man?

You

accused me of being like a shill

somewhere on the... You called me

company man is what you called me.

That's not the worst thing in the world to be a company

guy, but I mean, obviously

that's some kind of a flawed metric,

although maybe it isn't because Davidson beat us up

at your place, Big Ten

Thank you. You know what, that's not the worst thing in the world to be a company guy, but, I mean, obviously that's some kind of a flawed metric,

although maybe it isn't because Davidson beat us up at your place,

Big Ten Cameron, as we know, worst whistle in America.

This is the hate.

This is the hate.

Go, let it flow.

Yeah, see, I feel like thank you.

This is really cathartic.

I'm mad about a thing that didn't actually happen.

But, like, the fact that that didn't happen is awful. You know, and everybody's big, you know, the sacred cow is football.
And you're like, are we going to play? And I go back and forth. I mean, I can't imagine a world that doesn't include football, and they're clearly going full steam ahead.
Like, we're going to play. But I just don't know.
I don't know what it looks like. I don't know when things start.
I'm supposed to have summer vacation. I'm afraid they're going to tell me I got to come do games when I'm supposed to be away.
Like, these are the things that occupy my thoughts, but at least it's something because otherwise every day is some version of the day that was yesterday. Right.
Yeah. Yeah, the fall is going to be so weird if there's no football.
It's just going to be a bunch of weddings that you have to go to that you don't have excuses to get out of anymore. Wedding season.'s gonna be terrible now what if they do bring back uh let's say like the nba mlb comes back uh all the golf tournaments start being played like uh early august what is there going to be enough hours in the day to cover every single sport that's out there no no but it but who will care because just the the orgy of sports will be such that people will just, like, just gluttony, just grabbing for whatever you care about and like.
No, the stuff will get ignored. Like, amazing things will happen and no one will even know because they'll be obsessed about the thing that they're most interested in.
But I don't even know if that's going to happen. And, I mean, the thing about doing SportsCenter every day is,

and I keep pushing back against this,

this, most interested in but uh i like i don't even know if that's gonna happen and i mean the thing about doing sports center every day is is and i keep pushing back against this this fear that i'm going to be having on guests asking some version of hey jeff passin hey woge hey adam shefter like when are we going to have sports they don't fucking know you know so i i don't want to put people in a position to ask questions they don't have a clue about and yet we all kind of want to know is there anybody giving you any indication of what's going to have to happen for for us to play and it seems like it's everything comes back to we have to have all these tests well when is that happening does anyone know well okay so here's why you should keep asking that and that's why i asked you when you think sports will be be back. It's like the old-fashioned when you're a kid and mom says no, so then you go ask dad.
If you ask enough people when is sports coming back, someone will say, like, tomorrow, and I'll be like, fuck yes, let's go. Well, Rob Manford, I guess, was that guy.
They're like, hey, we're going to go play the Biodome or whatever it is. Yes.
Pass and call to baseball on Mars. Like, okay, I mean, look, at least on Monday there was that and there was golf putting some events on the schedule, even though they're way down the line of the calendar.
Like, at least that's something. Because other than the NFL going, hey, we're going to do virtual draft, which, by the way, that's the recipe for disaster.
Oh, yeah. People are 1,000% going to hack it, and you're going to be like, Andy Reid's going to be on an iPad trying to figure out what's going on, and someone's going to send him a porn link or something.
That's just how it's going to go. Wood's going to show up.
The Vikings are going to draft Wood in all seven rounds. I mean, look, as a guy, I'm sitting in the parking lot of ESPN looking up at the satellite farm where I sat in a van and looked up and there was Peter North staring me in the eyes.
I'm like, oh, well, here we go. What a good time to be alive.
That's going to happen during the draft. It's going to be crazy.
And, of course, the thing that I keep separating and people, there's a group of people out there now who are like, sports aren't that important. You know, I agree.
There's a lot bigger things going on. We're not trying to say that sports should be the priority, but there is an element of sports coming back would help us get to normalcy and people feel like things are back on track.
I'm not saying sports are the most important thing. clearly the health of americans paramount.
But the idea at least to try to find a way to get this back to normal, it's comforting. Even if it doesn't happen, the fact that they're thinking about it and they're like, hey, what if we do this? What if we do that? That at least kills some time until maybe we can get back to normal life.
You know what you just did? And I do it every time on the show that I talk about the fact that I like sports just like you do. There's this mandatory thing where you have to say, look, I know sports aren't the most important thing.
Like, if you don't say it, you can anticipate that the mob's going to be like, how can you say? Two things can be true at once. We can all obviously care about New York City and the surrounding areas and all of the various hot spots and wherever people are sick and care more about that than we do about anything else.
And at the same time say, and we'd really like sports to come back. But you have to give this qualifier because if you don't, then you're a monster who's going to hell.
And that's dumb. You shouldn't have to waste that energy.
It just be an understood it's a blanket statement of course we care about this it's the most important thing but while we're at it we're also going to bitch about no not having sports because not having sports ruins everything like it totally takes away from our ability to function like a lot of stuff is hey wednesday wisconsin plays so-and-so and saturday we play so-and-so or or Saturday we have a big football game. If you don't have those things, a lot of the structure of our lives is kind of out of whack.
It's so true. It's so true.
It's exactly why nobody knows what day of the week is anymore because our days were based around which conferences we're playing. Yeah.
It doesn't matter. Thursday feels the same because I'm watching the Pac-12 late at night like that's what it feels like on a Thursday in February I'm sitting in front of my couch watching Bill Walton call an Arizona Oregon game and it feels normal and and not having that it sucks um so Scott you did mention the tournament I obviously was just as heartbroken as you that we had no tournament it felt very weird.
I'm actually finally over it now that we've passed when the tournament would happen. But every time there was supposed to be a game, I woke up that morning being like, man, I wish there were a game.
How far do you think Maryland was going to go? And also congratulations on sharing that Big Ten title, which actually technically Wisconsin won because they were the one seed in the tournament. I can't believe – I honestly can't believe that that team won a share of it.
Oh, so good. By that team, I mean your team.
I truly can't. You hate it.
You hate it. I do.
You hate it. You know what? I told Titus this.
The thing about this year that was really great for me as a fan is this was the year I found my hate this was the year I found my hate for this league for real and I'm just like you know what F all these people they wanted like like you and you over there like you get to tell us when we're in the league you don't get yeah I do anything yeah I do actually you kind of do yes for football yes I like to strike that you do and Maryland lost to Ohio State and they would have in if they won that overtime game, and it's always going to bother me because you're right. You get to say that.
But no one else does except you. And this year was good because I found my hate, and Maryland shared it with you and Michigan State.
And I think I know this, that there's some Ken Palm stat about, like, there's – and I shouldn't have started because I can't't remember, but it's like top 15 offensive efficiency and top 10 defensive efficiency or something. And like the number of teams that have made it to a Final Four, like all of them are in that category.
And Maryland was one of those teams. Now, does that mean they were going to go to the Final Four? I have no frigging clue.
I do honestly believe that they were one of those 15, 20 teams that could have made a Final Four run. I mean, you've got to win four games.
And what sucks for my team, for your team, for Dayton, for anybody that had a team that had some guys, is you're always going to wonder, and you're probably always going to think the most positive outcome was what would have happened. Because who sits around and goes, you know, we probably would have lost to Akron in the first round.
No one's going to do that. Yeah, you pencil yourself in at least for the Elite Eight.
What about Bob Huggins' idea, which is just to play the 2020 tournament at the start of the next season? I love it. Well, can Maryland get Smith, who just declared for the draft, and Cowan? Do we get those guys, or do you have to play with next year's people? How does it work? I think Bob Huggins just decides what players he gets.
I think this is just his own little idea. Good news, Scott.
Good news, Scott. Wisconsin's not losing anyone, so you're going to hate all of them.
That's true. Huggy Berry got to the bottom of like a fifth of Jim Beam and wrote down all the rules on a napkin, so you're going to have to find that particular Arby's and translate what he said.
Anybody that takes the whole tracksuit life, tracksuit, Jim's, tracksuit life, like, it's not a month for him, you know? Yeah. It's a 12-month-a-year proposition.
Exclusively, he goes for the comfort fit, which you've got to appreciate. Absolutely.
I also was watching old games, so I watched actually the Maryland National Championship game, which you were at, right? You were there in the house. I was.
So I was watching the old game. Do you think Billy Packer was a little harsh on you guys? It's funny that you say that.
I'm pretty sure Stanford Steve told you to ask this because I shared, and as a matter of fact, I know he did, because I shared with Stanford Steve after the title game, I said the beauty of Maryland fans is we will bitch about anything. And to this day, Maryland fans are mad because they felt that Billy Packer wasn't very complimentary about Maryland in that game.
And literally, I got texts from my guy Gary Williams post after this year, like talking about the way Packer talked about the team. And I'm like, I love that about Maryland because it's, you know, we'll find something to be pissed off about no matter what.
But I'll say this. I don't care what he said.
I'll never know because I didn't watch it. I was in the building.
And Maryland won a title. And there's a crystal ball in the entryway of the building.
And so what? I don't care what anybody said. But that's a great Stanford Steve plan.
And I'll go tell them that. Yes.
I mean, it's so classic Maryland to be like, the fans be like, you know, we won, but Billy Packer didn't give us our just due. It's the worst thing that fans do.
It's the worst thing fans do, and I will entirely own that we are right there at the top of the list of the worst offenders. What about our Washington R-Words, Scott? We got a big draft coming up.
I'm actually of the mindset that the new regime is, I'm optimistic for the first time in probably like 15 years. I am too.
Do you want Chase Young? So, all right. I think I liked Dwayne Haskins when we drafted him, but there was absolutely nothing that happened last year with Dwayne Haskins that made me think this guy is going to be awesome one day.
You know what I'm saying? So it feels kind of wasteful to take a quarterback in the first round and then just kind of burn that bridge by year two. I guess the Cardinals ended up doing that.
Yeah, Josh Rosen did it. Josh Rosen, yeah, they did it with him.
But I'm starting to talk myself into Tua because I think that he has a better chance of being a great, great quarterback than Dwayne does. That said, Chase Young is a monster, and he'll make any defense that he's on better.
But if you need a quarterback, which you do, I think you kind of have to bite the bullet and take Tua. I mean, that's what both Mel and McShay have said.
They both are like, look, Tua's the guy, Tua's the guy. And, I I mean there's part of me that I get it and before he got hurt you know you watched him play and I don't know how much of him doing what he did was because he played with like 12 five star guys and with his video game stuff I don't know that and they did just take they did just take Haskins and I think Chase Young is an absolute space alien so I think you just take him and the second most important guy you can get besides a quarterback is someone that can tackle the quarterback so I want to take Young and then you figure it out at the quarterback position but then you could spend the next 15 years going you know Tua was staring us in the face we didn't take it I just I don't know what you do with Haskins though I don't you know can you move them the way they move the way the cardinals move rose i don't know yeah so chase young i think no one's going to look back in 10 years and be like chase young was a shitty draft pick you might just look back and say we could have had tua but i don't know i i'm falling in love with the idea of having a franchise quarterback because it's been a while i was all in on the rg3 thing as you know and that that didn't really didn't really work out.
So I've been chasing that high of RG3's rookie year for the last eight years. Yeah, it's been a while.
This is where being older actually helps as a Redskins fan because it was the least I remember when they were good, which is a real long time ago. But it was fun because they were really good at the time.
So, Scott, you mentioned – we mentioned golf. What is – I would imagine you've been to Augusta in the fall.
How is it going to be different? I mean, is it going to be just as cool? I think it'll be, I think it'll be cooler in this way. It's new.
It's different. And so, like, anything that's different, the shiny new thing is, I mean, no azaleas, but look, the trees have turned.
Oh, wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Time out.

No azaleas?

I'm not saying that. Look, they have – Augusta National prefers the term resources to money, and they have unlimited resources.
So I would think if there are azaleas on Earth, they could find them and put them on the – Like freeze them? Sunday afternoon the azaleas are all dead? Listen They have magic

They have magic down there

On the ground, but maybe there will be some sort of azaleas, or there won't, but the trees will turn colors. No one will care because they're playing, and it'll be new and different, so people will be like, here are all the things that are different.
Andy North, obviously a proud son of Wisconsin, was on the show with us this week and explained that it'll play much longer, and this gets real golfy, and your listeners don't give a shit, so I won't get into why. No, they care.
But apparently it'll play. Well, it's about the grass growing, and they have to grow it out in the fall so that it'll be ready for the spring.
Yes. I don't know how that one impacts the other.
So, I mean, I won't care just because it'll, the idea of the Masters is something that is such a it's ingrained in your head uh that it's part of every sports year and just not having the tournament not having the ncaa tournament i'll never get over like to not have that and then not have the masters would just be gross so at least it's happening you can still pipe in the bird noises though even if the birds fly back north they I don't know what you're talking about. What's it going to do to the price of green spray paint that they use on the fairways and the greens? That grass, again, I don't know what they do.
I don't know what's in the secret sauce, but that grass is green because it's green. You're a smart man.
You know that they'll kill you if you say anything otherwise. Absolutely.
There you go. So, wait, when's the move to D.C.? Is everything still going? Yeah, allegedly this summer.
We've got the house in Maryland, so I'm pot committed at this point. But I don't know what's going to happen.
Like we were talking about earlier, if they start playing, if it's just a melee, a free-for-all with baseball and hockey and the NBA playing in July and August when we're supposed to move, I don't know what that's going to mean, but at some point I'm going to have to just tap out and say we've got to move our stuff. Yeah.
Set up shop. But we'll be down there by the end of the summer for sure.
Listen, they're going to start playing sports at the exact moment it's most inconvenient for you. Probably.
I've thought about that. And you know what? Then I'll have several things to complain about.
In fact, if they're coming back at the least convenient time for me, and then just all the stuff that we complain about about sports. So in a way, I'll win.
Because then I'll have more to complain about than anybody else. You'll you'll be going off on twitter speaking of which so we mentioned that you aren't fighting with trolls right now what can people do better like what can people tweet you right now to really make you mad just so our listeners know um i mean what it's it's telling me my show sucks they're telling me my show sucks because i'm on late at night whatever it's fine it's it's you know i mean it's the easiest i could just lebron you and just ask what time your show is and tell you tomorrow when you get up and don't have a job and or have a job you hate that i have a cool job like i could do that but i'm not gonna because no one what no one likes that guy okay don't be that guy so showtime what else that would be a bad that'd be a bad.
I don't know. You never know what the button – I don't know what the buttons are to push right now.
I think we're all – are we sort of in this we're all in a together moment maybe? Yeah, but not on Twitter. On Twitter, that's where we can kind of go at each other and have fun.
What hobbies are you getting into that people can make fun of you for during this break? Look, man, I mean I I'm a walking target. You know, pick a lane and get in it and have fun.
I mean, there's any number of options that you have to make fun. But I'm not troubled.
I'm not troubled by it. Damn.
Right now I'm in a peaceful space. I'm in a peaceful space.
Hypothetically, if somebody were to be getting into Game of Thrones and they're like, hey, you remind me of the eunuch that works for the lannister court uh that walks around saying weird stuff and transcribing history would that get under your skin no no because i watch game thrones game of thrones like the film memento i started at the end and kind of worked my way back and so i don't even know what that means i just know it was dark and the white walkers showed up and all hell broke loose and then they put the little the brand the brand the gimp or whatever his name is and he's in charge is that it yes that's pretty much it live tweeting it late it made people got so pissed because i was talking about all the stuff that happened it's just there was people were furious that i had the gall to kind of you know poke fun at the thing that they invested all their all their time and their emotional energy in this dragon movie. All right, so last question.
You've got to go to work. I don't even know.
What do you do every night? Are you done showing like everyone's? I just talk to people. I mean, what's there to do? I don't know.
We've run out of fake things to show. Like, we don't have any old tournament stuff left to show.
We just talk. We've got a bunch of interviews.
We're actually going to have Billy Eichner on. Billy on the street.
That guy's hysterical. Hysterical.
Hysterical. You should start having, like.
We do that show. We do that fake true or true real or fake true TV shows that we do during the tournament every year.

And one of the ones that they had was Billy on the Street.

I'm like, that's obviously a real show.

That guy's very funny.

And then somebody told him about it.

And so you know how this works.

He tweeted out something about us talking about him.

So I said, let's have Billy on him.

He doesn't have any idea who the hell I am, but so what?

I just want to ask him about what he does. He's funny.
He's consistently – hard to be consistently funny. You guys always are.
He is, too. Short list of people.
Here's a free idea. You should just have, like, in open tryouts, people just show up to wrestle Stanford Steve.
He's a big dude, man. I know.
He's like Mountain. Could you imagine? He's like Mountain on Game of Thrones.
How about that? Is that a good Game of Thrones reference, Mountain? That's a really good one. You could basically just create a wrestling league where Stanford Steve always wins, and it would get you five minutes closer to the end of the show every day.
I like it. I remember the first time you guys had me on, and PFT said, here's a good question, and you told me I should do that.
Well, you tell someone yes always before you ask it always which i've kind of tried to employ that as best i can yeah and then you guys just said here's a good idea so like our free idea so i mean i'll i'll go i'm getting ready to go in i'll ask steve what he thinks about that you can't be free yeah all comers and if he says no although how does that work because you're not you're not allowed to be within six feet like are we are we just going to say, fuck it, and let them wrestle people? Oh, no. You start a biodome, and you start testing people, so you show the leagues the way.
Obviously. You thought this through.
Or you can just put, like, gas masks on both of them. Yeah.
And so that you know that they're safe. Or, if he says no to that.
Do we go tonsil? Yeah. Bong hits with tonsil, and then wrestle? Yes.
Yep. Yes.
If you really want Steve to be all in on this, have him be like, what's the show? Watch What Happens Live on Bravo and have him be the bartender that's just in the back of your shot the entire time that you do a show. He's just getting hammered back there, so he's like wrestling with his own liver.
And he just pukes at the end. And if Stanford doesn't, if Stanford Steve doesn't puke before the end of the show, he's fired.
Or Stanford Steve could just do the CrossFit games live on set every night. You just need to basically use Steve's body at your will here and just entertain us with him.
Like a crash test dummy. But let me tell you this.
I don't know if you've had cocktails with him. An hour of him drinking is not enough to impact him.
An hour will do nothing. He won't wobble after an hour.
That's not enough to put a dent in him. He is unlike anyone I've ever seen in my life.
I remember I once went to, I think we were at W to keep his, I let him keep his bag because he was leaving right after at my buddy's bar. My buddy opened up his bar at 10 a.m.
early and we sat down and I finished my first beer and he was on number four. And I was like, how is this, how is this possible? And he just, he's not phased.
He's just a, he's a mythological creature. I think it was about 530 in the morning down in the French quarter after the national championship game.
And I totally forgot this, but I was trying to tackle Steve in the bar and he was like stone cold sober. He told me about it maybe a week later.
He was like, yeah, you couldn't bring me down. My balance was too good.
So yeah, so we need to start doing science experiments on Steve. listen if I think we can get through the Masters week of broadcasts without having to use him as a tackling dummy or a crash test dummy or like a human experiment of just booze and whatever else.
But on the back side of that, anything is fair game. Although, wait, we'll have the NFL draft.
The NFL draft, if there's nothing on the horizon for May, then we'll just turn Steve into a pinata and it'll be a never-ending science experiment. Yeah, it'll just be like, what's up with Steve's body? And then every night, you just do something different.
Sure. He pierces a different part of his body every night and you have to guess what it is.
He shows up in a skin-tight polo like Andrew Cuomo, and he's just got a little nipple ring poking through. Everyone has to guess where his nipple ring is.
What was that all about? Is that confirmed? I think he's just got unusual nipples, and far be it from this podcast to castigate somebody for having weird nipples. I've got four of them.
Big Cat's got pepperonis over there. You know what it is, though? It's the big crest.
So the state crest that you have on the polo, that rubs up against the nipples. And I think that that's done its damage when you wear that polo multiple days in a row.
I studied it, and I thought it could have been just an odd sort of hair pattern. You know, a lot of people, you've got kind of that weird hair growth around your nip, which is why you've got to keep yourself tidied up.
And I thought maybe that was it. But you know what? I mean, the man's doing his best.
He's got far, far bigger issues to concern ourselves with. Obviously, big catch, just because I want to circle back, because the most important thing, obviously, isn't sports.
It's about the pandemic. And anything we've talked about, Steve, is a science experiment.
This is second on our list to our concern about the health of everyone listening.

Yeah, and the kids, and that's how we'll end. How pumped are you that you're a father of three right now? Listen, anybody out there, and obviously your audience is skews young, so I don't even know what the percentages are, but most of them, I'm guessing, don't have a kid, let alone three.
And what you can't grasp is what every day in your house, with no games to look forward to, no school for them to go to, and only the period of time from breakfast to lunch, lunch to a nap, nap to dinner, dinner to bath, bath to bed. You're trying to navigate that.
See, Big Cat, you're saying, no i i you don't i only have one and i but i'm just saying the naps the naps are like the navigation naps are so funny yeah but little cat's a great sleeper isn't he he is but it still is like he's got he's also got to the point now where it's like my my entire life as a father is just is just putting things just a little bit farther out of his reach because that's all he wants to do is just get everything. So it's a good time.
Yeah. But, yeah, it was – What I'm saying here is if you're one of those – and they're parents, and you encounter them in your social circles that are – you know, they'll try to kind of do this thing where they see, do you watch – like, oh, do you let your kids watch TV? Or how much screen time do your kids have? And to those people that want to do that judgmental thing, and I've said this consistently, like, if you don't turn on Paw Patrol, or if you don't give your kid an iPad, and they only eat organic stuff, then good for fucking you.
Your kid's probably going to be the king of the world, And my kid's probably going to be unemployed because they watch Paw Patrol.

But you know what?

We're at least going to have a half an hour in our house where it's not abject chaos.

And so I'm going to take my approach and I'm going to think that that's the way to do it.

And you can be over there with your muselix or whatever the hell it's called.

And you're no screen time, because right now you better be able to have at least an hour where you can press play on something.

Thank you. italics or whatever the hell it's called and you're no screen time because right now you better be able to have at least an hour where you can press play on something and if you don't then i don't know what you're doing i've been i've actually thought about this way too much that i would care to to say but like what would the cultural long term in like 15 years there will be so many kids that will have the same cultural touch, like tone here from this coronavirus where they're like, oh, I remember this because we watched it every day for three months straight.
And everyone can reference that. I think it's actually going to be great.
We're going to, we're going to get to a point where every kid can like call back something in the podcast that they're obviously hosting in like 18 years.

And it will be hilarious.

But here and I were rarely serious.

But you guys you guys do serious well when you need to.

I do seriously wonder this question.

Like if you're a student, I don't know what's going to happen because no one's going to go back to school.

And then apparently you just graduate.

But maybe you're going to graduate or you're going to go to the next grade.

But you didn't learn the thing you were supposed to learn. Right.
Whatever it is you're meant to learn in first grade or second grade or eighth grade or whatever grade you don't finish. And then so you're in ninth grade and you're supposed to know the eighth grade thing, but you didn't learn it, and we just skip it.
I don't know what the toll is of the stuff that isn't going to get learned during this chunk of time or if it even matters. Maybe it turns out that school was all just a hoax because, frankly, a lot of the stuff that you learn in school doesn't apply anyway.
But I honestly wonder about the stuff that's not going to get learned and how that impacts people. And I don't know how you get into college if you're waiting on grades.
These are things that I try not to keep me up at night and they don't. But if you really kind of go through the exercise, I don't know what the answers to these questions are.
No, you're right. That's a really good point because that stuff becomes compounding after a while.
Like, if you don't finish third grade, you don't know what the mystery powders were, and then you get to fourth grade, and you don't know the difference between baking powder and baking soda, and then you don't know what your drugs are mixed with when you turn 22, and that actually could impact some people's lives down the road. Negatively, way you never know it's a butterfly these things yeah it's true though exactly it's the butterfly you know flaps its wings wherever i actually love that idea though of a kid like graduating college and we're talking 20 years from now or like you know or maybe 15, graduates college, goes in for an interview, and they're like, how do you draw a cursive F? And they're like, oh, fuck.
That was the corona month. Yeah.
Shit. That was, for a billion dollars, they don't teach cursive.
I swear to God, I think my youngest kid will, I think he'll live his entire life not knowing how to write anything. I don't think he'll write it.
He did grab some chalk today, but the problem is he tried to eat it. But that's a whole thing.
He hasn't worn a shirt. My little guy, I said on our podcast, not as highly rated as yours.
My kid is like, if he had a mullet and a cigarette, he's like every guy and cops that gets arrested. Every one.
He's going to be smoking and go, my old lady, she's out back. He's two.
That's him. He eats chalk, and I need to teach him to smoke darts right now.
He's that guy. Okay, well, here's the one thing I'll leave you with.
Whenever you wake up in the morning and your kids are running around and you're going crazy, just remember Hank is still getting some beautiful shut-eyes, so he's just enjoying those last few hours I did it I did a I did a thing for Ernie Johnson where I was uh it was like a live Twitter deal and people were asking questions and everyone asked questions about about you guys about Russillo and then there was one guy that just sent just one word Hank like 50 consecutive times so finally it's so I just, I just said, what up, Hank? So I love you, Hank. Speak on it.
Love you too, Scott. Speak on Hank.
I'm really proud of you. Yeah.
I'm proud of Hank. Although he missed an open shot or something.
Did he miss a guy that was open or something? I'm having a tough time in Warzone, but we're getting better every day. I got nothing but time to get better.
Yeah. I was going to say, the good news is you should be great by Thursday.
Yeah, that's the plan. We're going to leave this whole thing and Hank's going to have a purple star in video games.
So it's going to be great. It's going to be great.
Scott, thank you as always. We appreciate it.
Everyone watch SportsCenter every single night. Still going.
And the SVP SVP The Spod. The Spod.
That you can listen to everywhere. The Swedish.
Number one Swedish Spodcast. Scott is very, very great at being humble when he's like, I don't even know who we're going to have on.
I think his last two guests were Justin Thomas and Bill Self. So he's doing okay with the guests.
We're doing okay. I appreciate you boys.
It's always a pleasure. And I mean this sincerely to you guys and everybody out there.
Stay safe. Be good.
Wash your hands. Wash your butt.
And we'll see you on the other side. Thanks, Scott.
Thanks, Scott. That interview with SVP was brought to you by our great friends at Shady Rays.
Everyone knows that we're in crazy times right now. The current pandemic is affecting all of us and a lot of businesses.

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You can use promo code PFT right now for 50% off all sunglasses. That's promo code PFT, 50% off all sunglasses with fast and free shipping shout out to our good friends over at shady race okay let's get some segments first up we're going to do our mount flushmore of tv characters so uh it is the worst tv characters but it's the mount flushmore of tv characters can i do a a fact check real quick? Yeah.
On our candy Mount Rushmore?

Fact check.

Sorry to our Canadian listeners who might have been triggered by us discussing Smarties.

I know it was on your list, Big Cat, and we agreed that Smarties are not a good candy.

In Canada, Smarties are a different type of candy, which are actually good.

Oh.

And what we call Smarties are called Rockets.

What?

So, yeah.

So, we're trashing Rockets. I actually wouldn't.
I would i would like rockets just based on the name yeah okay yeah wouldn't you oh it's a better name it's a better name yeah interesting so what are smarties what are smarties in canada smarties are rockets oh what are the actual yeah yeah they look like more um like round fruity not sugar there's sugar in them but they're kind of like fruity chewy things i think hmm interesting kind of like a circular starburst okay okay all right well sorry to candidates so let's do mount flush more of tv characters pft it's wednesday so you're starting and then it's me then it's hank you get two in a row let's go okay pft all right um my first pick worst tv characters i'm going to go no it's mount flushmore mount flushmore tv characters fuck janice soprano oh tony's sister okay with the the rolling stones tattoo on her boob interesting actually have two Soprano characters on my list, she was one of them I think I know what your other one was AJ Soprano is the worst character of all time I fucking hate him he actually wasn't on my list who's the other one on your list? I'll take it I didn't have the sister AJ Soprano is the worst let's just go across the board the mom soprano yeah livia she's bad but she also like was so quick and also it's weird to watch that season two where the real person died yeah and they're real they did like hologram yeah the actress died in real life that's that's a shame yeah so then they did hologram for her maybe that's why i hated her she probably it's actually weird to think how long she would have been in the script she was method acting yeah but like how long would she be in the script she knew she was going to pass away but if it yeah that would be weird if she was like in season six all right uh your second pick ramsay bolton the scene when he uh made stannis kill davos in order just to live and then he ends up killing him anyway. Come on.
What? Oh, fuck. The scene when he made Stannis kill Davos in order just to live, and then he ends up killing him anyway.
Hey, Hank, come on. Oh, fuck.
What the fuck? Well, dude, it's been out for a really long time. It hasn't been out for that long.
I honestly, we were doing this list. He is the worst character.
Hank, how could you do that? I would never do that to you. He's the worst.
I don't even know who the Rams he is. That scene with Stannis is one of the worst.
He was the worst character. Literally, when I was watching the show, every time he came on, I wanted to fast forward.
Yep. Not that great of a spoiler, because I don't even know who he is.
Okay. My second pick is going to be...
I feel good. I got my first two picks.
Skylar White. Good pick.
Yeah. Good pick.
She is... AJ and Skylar White are my two...
I fucking hate both of them. Marie White is awful, too.
Yes.. Marie Hank.
Marie yeah Hank. Marie Schroeder.
Shadrick. Schroeder.
Schroeder. Yeah Marie Schroeder.
Awful character in her purple that she wore all the time. That was like the only thing that her character had.
She's like I wear purple and I steal. My second pick is going to be Joffrey.
Hate Joffrey. Absolutely hate him.
Every time he's on the screen, I want to throw something at it.

I don't think that anybody would blame me if I broke a television from seeing Joffrey

walk across the fucking screen, try to suck on his mom's tit, and then murder somebody

who's innocent.

I hate that kid.

I mean, the kid who actually sucks on the mom's tits is way worse.

Yeah, but Joffrey's jealous that he doesn't get to suck on his mom's tit like that.

He looks like Jimmy Clawson, except for even worse personnel. Fuck Joffrey yeah but joffrey's like jealous that he doesn't get to suck on his tit like that he looks like jimmy clausen except like even a worse person now fuck joffrey hate joffrey uh my third pick is going to be franny from homeland the baby claire danes baby awful kid they wrote it off after one season and they were just like she's a baby let's pretend that claire danes doesn't have a daughter because this is going nowhere and we.
Okay. All right.
I'll go with Robert California. That fucking sucked.
I've been rewatching The Office and it's I can actually I actually think D'Angelo Vickers is pretty funny. It's only like three episodes.
But then Robert California just it's like, all right, this show is completely over. This is also where we'd say that if Ryan Russillo was doing this podcast with us right now, he would have picked Pam Beasley, one, two, three, and four.
He's not an incel though, guys. Ziggy from The Wire.
Oh, I like Ziggy. Oh, okay.
Ziggy was funny. No, he was super cringe.
And yeah, he was just super. He just made me cringe.
And I had Robert California, so I'll go with just Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory. I had never watched that show, but he's the main character of it.
And I just hate that show's existence and popularity. So I'm just going to throw him on the list.
That's one of those ones where you just get mad whenever somebody reminds you Big Bang, number one show on television. Yes, and he is the person I directly associate with that show.

All right, this might be recency bias.

I was also going to put the whole cast of Friends, but it's only one.

This might be recency bias, but I fucking hate Charlotte from Ozark.

I fucking hate her.

I don't know what happened this season.

If you haven't seen it, I'm not going to give any spoilers,

but the fact that she just became a full adult who was drinking wine

and part of the fucking drug business, she's so annoying. And she tried to divorce her fucking family when they were in the middle of fighting against the drug lord.
Like she's the worst. I hate her.
Yeah, she's not great. I thought that you were going to go with the mom from Ozark because she's actually very similar to Skylar White.
Who? The mom from Ozark? Yes. She's all innocent at first.
Finds out about the husband, then she tries to take over the business and flex her muscles. Yes.
Alright, my last pick. I'm going to go with Ross from Friends.
I don't watch Friends, but Ross sucks. You just hate him? Ross sucks.
Okay, I had one that I wanted to throw out to you guys. I'm actually surprised no one picked Bran from Game of Thrones.
I don't like him. He's alpha.
He's more of like the writers though. The writers, he was good.
He was interesting but when they made him the main guy is when people hated him. But I didn't hate, I was interested in him and some of his parts were the most interesting parts up until the very end.
A couple things about Bran. One, it's cool as shit that he was a good climber.
When you're 11 years old that's the best thing that you can do true two he saw people having sex sex which is great also if you're 11 years old uh he didn't have to walk anywhere he got carried around all the time like brand is brand pretty much hacked life back in the west eros age what age by the way? Is that like, when does that take place?

I don't know.

No idea.

Well, it's made up.

Yeah.

It's made up.

That's what I was going to say.

Okay.

So whatever age it took place in, Bran.

There is a time.

He kind of had it all figured out.

Yeah.

So, all right.

So the only one that I. Well, if you're asking in terms of that, it's like 400 years AC after the first Targaryen.
Got it. So they're 400 years into the Targaryen rule.
Gotcha. That's right.
So one guy I was going to throw on there. Tell me what you guys think.
I think Vincent Chase is a fucking terrible character. Vinny Chase? I hate Vinny Chase.
But he's the strong that serves a drink. I hate Vinny Chase.
What? Without Vinny Chase. What does Vin Benny Chase do that's memorable besides make stupid decisions? Fucks smoke shows.
That's all he does. Hangs out and smokes weed with his boys.
That's cool for the first episode. Hangs out and smokes weed with his boys.
He fucking saved Turtle. Dude.
He saved Turtle. Now, I didn't watch the last four seasons of whatever.
I just always hated it. That's the worst take I've ever heard.
I mean, would Entourage have been better if it was just them hanginganging out in New York all the time Maybe probably It would have been like a kind of Yeah they could have maybe made it like a Sopranos thing They would have had to hustle for everything Yeah He always cared about his art more than you know Like the popularity Then why did he do Aquaman Because he had to take care of his people. To take care of his people.
So he didn't always care about his army. No, he did.
He did that so that he could make Medellin. I understand.
Which was his fashion project. But he clearly, he did it to take care of his own.
Fuck that guy. All right.
I mean, I didn't put him on. Yeah.
Because you knew. I put him on my short list.
If we're going to go with reality show, what about Tequila Tequila? Oh no, we should do our own reality show one. Okay.
We should save mean that's for a mouth flush that's still tila tequila was hot until like post yeah no i know but like while the show was on no we should wait wait for that we'll do that this could last forever uh mike carey he was pretty annoying when he was on tv the ref who got everything wrong yep um tony kornheiser sucked at monday night football these are not television characters joe theisman was bad at monday night football now we're just doing worse announcers that's it all the all the other announcers are good uh marie white i would have put her on my list if if she was a little bit more of a character uh she was still like just a little bit yeah sure yeah um yeah she sucked too she sucked big time uh all right let's do our last two segments pft you got one more ad and then we'll do guys on chicks and we also have shoe roast for the bucks uniform yeah so before we get into guys on chicks and all that stuff i want to talk to you guys about simply safe they've made it easy to finally get comprehensive protection for your home with all the uncertainty in the world feeling safe at home has never been more important that's why i want to talk to you guys about simply safe home security actually somebody tried to break into my apartment last night i can't believe i didn't tell you guys about this yet someone tried to break in leroy stood up in the middle of the night he's blind just stared at the door and barked and then the the door stopped jiggling the person ran down the hallway not everyone is fortunate enough to Leroy in their home, but fortunately you can get SimpliSafe and they will make it very, very easy for you to get comprehensive protection for your home. There's no technician, there's no salesperson that needs to come in and disrupt your house.
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Okay, let's do some segments. A couple last segments.
We have guys on chicks coming up. Bucks uniform release.
all we're waiting for the creamsicles and then they release these uniforms that are and in the video they have chris godwin wearing number 12 which is so bucks to be like hey we just got tom brady do you think we could maybe throw him in a in a in a uniform real quick for this fucking hype video we What do you think Tom is going to pay Chris for number 12?

That's one of my favorite off-season storylines.

I don't think he paid him anything.

Just gave it up?

It already happened.

Godwin took number 14.

I don't know.

I never saw the story.

I know that they've officially switched.

I do not know if they actually, like, Brady paid him.

There has to be some sort of charity aspect.

That is the way to do it.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I was upset that there were no creamsicles. Maybe those will be the color rush.
Did they show the color rush? There has to be some sort of charity aspect. That's that's that is the way to do it.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.

I was upset that there were no creamsicles that maybe those will be the color rush.

Did they show the color rush?

No.

Oh, they might have the gray color rush.

Yeah.

The gray color rush.

So are they all pewter?

Sorry.

Sorry.

All pewter.

Look, I do not.

I don't actually know what's different.

I'll tell you what's different. They got rid of the alarm clock.
Okay. Tom versus time.
Tom wins. Nice.
What else is different? That's about it. Besides that, they kind of look like Georgia uniforms.
Yeah. University of Georgia.
Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, I don't really know what else to – Well, it says the Buccaneers' new uniforms pay homage to the glory years of the franchise. The years to glory oh they won a super bowl they won a super bowl yeah they won a super bowl so that's cool so yeah the alarm clock numbers are gone uh but they say that they add a futuristic twist to these i don't see anything futuristic at all no i don't either i actually in fact it was futuristic what they had yes and now they've taken away the future it was ahead of their time maybe that's what it is the future is now who got it yeah that's a nice nice subtle way of telling us bucks good job uh they don't have those little like vampire cuffs that the saints have you know the ones at the at the collar yep that have the points it looks like dracula a little bit um so I I thought maybe they go with those but But, yeah, it's just solid colors, solid numbers.
Pretty normal. Brady's going to look so weird in this.
Hank, Brady's going to look so weird in this. He put up a video and he wrote an article on the Players' Tribune and I haven't been able to watch it either or read either.
Yeah, but you should. I won't.
All right. Let's do it.
Let's do guys on checks. Hey, PMT guys.
If men are only now starting to wash their hands after using the bathroom because of coronavirus, does this mean that we've previously been unknowingly secondhand touching an inordinate amount of dicks? Love you guys. Yeah.
But that, yes. But even if we did wash our hands after we used the restroom, guys just, our hands find our way to our groin so many times per day.
You have to make adjustments. Also, as Scott Van Pelt said, you should wash your hands before you touch your penis.
Because I would assume that my penis is cleaner than my hands at any given moment during the day. Right.
Yes, absolutely. My penis is mostly clean.
Mostly clean. Well, you'd have to work out for it to not be, and I don't work out.
True. Hey, Small Honk, Ginger Joe Exotic, and Big Cat King.
If you swallow a load by someone who has recovered from COVID, do you think you will get immunity? Yes. That's absolutely how science works.
I know there's a lot of pseudoscience going around, but that's science. That's the Lazarus effect.
I believe Dr. Oz said that this morning.
Yes. Hello, my favorite podcast dad.
Isn't that a vaccine? The Lazarus effect? No. The vaccine? Yeah.
Corona come. This is just coming across the wire right now, breaking moves.
Fellating somebody who has had the coronavirus or does a podcast will cure you of the coronavirus and prevent all further symptoms. So we've got that figured out.
Yep. Crisis averted.
Here we go. Science time to get to work.
Hell yeah. Not a suggestion or FAQ but you ever wonder if the cure for coronavirus is something wild that no one has tried before like human shit like what if the cure was poop and everyone just had to start eating shit i think people have tried that pretty sure people say it again shit before like what if the cure for coronavirus is out there and we just haven't thought of it yet and it requires something i did read something about vitamin.
I've been fucking loading up on clementines.

I don't know if that will happen. So wait,

what the,

the theory behind this is maybe there's something that no human has ever

done.

Yes.

And that thing will end up curing the virus.

Correct.

So what haven't humans done?

I feel like humans have just about done it all.

We're pretty good that way.

The lions winning the Super Bowl.

If the Lions win the Super Bowl, that's the cure for coronavirus.

That means they've got to play football.

Yep.

Hello, my favorite podcast dad's Honk and Bubba.

I have a question about how you go about choosing.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You guys are the dads?

I think it's my favorite podcast dad's comma.

Oh, comma. Honk and Bubba.
The way that you said it sounded like you were the dads. Yeah think it's my favorite podcast, Dads, comma.
Oh, comma.

Okay, the way that you said it sounded like you were the dads, which is, I mean.

You kind of are, though, of the actual sound.

I was going to say, fair, like we act like teenagers.

I have a question about how you go about choosing which interview to run when you have a bunch stacked up.

I started thinking about this during Super Bowl week.

Is it based on if they have something relevant happening soon, or is it just, fuck it, let's run whatever,

because we as AWLs will always listen. Well, so that's a question for you guys you just ask yourself a question well yeah but that that leads to me asking you guys questions no no no and then you have to see you've buried yourself in a little trap here Hank yeah I don't choose the answer yeah no you just text the group text you say what are we running tomorrow and then it's pretty much whoever just answers first me or or PFT.
Yeah, and then Bubba will say, also just remind you guys we have, and then he'll list like 10 other interviews we forgot about. Although we're getting close to, I mean, we're here right now in the studio, refreshing, so some good ones coming up.
What's up, Big Dog, PFT, and Frank? What's your approach when Stella or Leroy run into current dogs on the street during the daily allotment of outside time? Does the current crisis call for a quick pull away or are they still allowed to the occasional butt sniff? Assuming you're not dealing with a mask wearing dog owner. Yeah, Stella can't butt sniff.
She sees the dog. She wants to go to fucking town.
She barks at every dog. Town is in like bite or town is in...
She would never bite. She just all bark no bite.
But like, yeah she if she sees the dog in the dog park off leash she's all friendly and everything but yeah she sees the dog on the street she's like holy shit fuck this guy where'd you come from she's surprised every time she sees another dog well i think when they're on the leash she feels like she's protecting correct correct yeah so with leroy no he just i just let him get smelled he doesn't do much sniffing anymore because he can can't really see the dog that he's smelling. But he'll just stand there and allow the other dog to sniff him like a gentleman.
Stella also does the thing where if a dog doesn't look at her, she won't mind. But if a dog locks eyes, she's like, fuck this guy.
You want to go? She's pretty much constantly like, you want to go? You want to fucking take it outside? We are outside. The biz nasty of dogs.
Yeah, exactly. Just a hockey player.
You want to go? Let's go, okay? With Leroy, he's developed this new fun habit of taking shits in crosswalks. Oh, Stella does that all the time.
She stops traffic. It's not bad anymore because there's no traffic on the street, which is good.
But yeah, he's been getting really into the crapping on the white line. All right, last one.
Hey, boys, especially Honk.

I've been quarantining with my boyfriend for two weeks now.

We've only been dating a few months,

but I pretty much moved into his place at this point

because I didn't want to be stuck with my roommates.

Anyways, yesterday I got up to go to the bathroom,

and he said, where are you going?

And I said to the bathroom, and he replied, again?

I was mortified.

How can we recover from this?

Stop eating so much fiber.

Eat more cheese.

That's definitely happening everywhere.

Thank you. I was mortified.
How can we recover from this? Stop eating so much fiber. Eat more cheese.
That's definitely happening everywhere. Let's order fondue.
That's happening everywhere, though. Like, listen, man or woman.
Everyone's going through this right now where it's like people are judging each other's bowel movements because we're all lockstep just watching each other the whole day. It just just got to go to the no judgment zone don't say it don't talk about it sometimes they'll just disappear let them leave let them come back that's it i started pooping again there you go that's good so maybe think it'll turn maybe it'll swing the other way with your pendulum a big relationship saver right now is going to be very loud bathroom fans, especially if you've got a small apartment.
Yeah. Like if you have a loud bathroom fan, he's not going to be questioning what you're doing there because he can't hear it.
Right. But if there's splashing, if it sounds like you're wrestling an alligator, then yeah, he's going to eventually be like, hey, maybe limit it to like four flushes a day.
Yes. Matches.
Get matches matches febreze baby febreze uh all right that's our show we'll see everyone on friday oh watch the what's it called watch the scheme on hbo no that's next friday next friday watch the scheme this friday garbage we're gonna watch the garbage picking and field goal kicker yeah on YouTube so we're gonna upload it to

YouTube we're gonna tweet out the link

we gotta tweet out the link so people can watch it

we will put it in the we'll put it on

the blog we'll put it in the link

on the blog with the podcast

tomorrow and we'll tweet it out also okay

cool tweet it out also and we'll tweet out also

so that's your homework for Friday yes take notes

love you guys.