Danny Woodhead, Quenton Nelson, Worst Smells + Deep Dive with Billy Football

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we got a bunch of guests, actually. We have Danny Woodhead, recurring guest Danny Woodhead checks in.
We talk some coronavirus, how it's going to affect the NFL, how it compares to the lockout in 2011.

We also have new guest, Quentin Nelson, who joined us actually in studio about a month and a half ago.

So we're going to run that interview.

And then we have Billy Football Deep Dives on Monday with Billy Football.

We're going to do Vikings.

We have Who's Back of the Week, and we're going to do the Mount Flushmore of Smells.

Mount Flushmore of Smells. So packed Monday show for you before we do all of that.
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Okay, let's go. Now in the street there is violence And then a lot of work can be done No place to hang out or wash in And then I can't blame all on the sun Oh no We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue It And then we'll take it higher.
Oh, we're gonna run down to Electric Avenue.

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Today is Monday, April 6th. I don't even know why we say the days or the date anymore, but we're in April, and I actually – I'm going to be positive today, boys.
I don't know who's taking the role of negativity, but I'm officially going to put my hand up and say I'm positive today. I'm going to have a positive spin on life.
Who wants to be the negative guy? I don't think we should have a negative guy today. Yeah.
Well, let's leave that. Let's leave that in March.
Okay. We need to have one negative person.
So at least at some point we have to have a negative comment just to bring us back down to reality. But here's my positivity of the day.
This whole new social distancing, when you see someone on the street that, you know, not having to like get close to them is kind of awesome. I don't know if you guys have had this yet where you take a walk.
Like I was walking Stella saw actually someone that we work with on the third floor and we had a nice chat probably 10 feet away and it was kind of cool. There you go.
You're doing the, it's like the Irish hello where you don't even have to acknowledge the person. That's, that's kind of a bit of positivity.
It's like a natural natural separation it creates the opportunity to leave much easier right right yeah how about this for positivity there's never been a better time to get a cold sore true true do you have one no i'm just saying that if you do get cold sores now is like you're hitting the lottery if you get one you don't have to go into work for a couple weeks. No one's ever going to know.

Yeah, or now's a great time to give yourself a haircut and have it be a bad haircut.

Yep, good point.

By the way, what is the plan for haircuts and everything like that?

Are we just all going to say, fuck it?

We're just not cutting our hair until Danny Woodhead wins the Super Bowl.

Got it.

Okay, yeah, I haven't even thought about that, but I'm definitely getting close to needing a haircut, so that's going to be an issue. Okay, you should grow some flow.
I don't think I – I mean, it's – I don't know where it would go. Quarantine challenge.
You won't. Quarantine challenge.
Hank, you should shave your face. Quarantine challenge.
Yeah. If you grow your beard out until the end of quarantine, I'll shave my face at the end of quarantine no yeah no you already said it that that's it because that's such a bad deal for you that the day that we all get to be released from our houses which okay here's the negative part uh this whole like everyone's saying oh yeah i can't wait for the day that we're allowed to go back out and the world goes back to normal the world's not going back to normal like like a light switch we're not gonna be like hey there we go now everyone just go party and we're we're cool it's gonna be such a weird gradual thing where everyone is scared of each other because of germs you guys are you guys getting crowds concerts aren't gonna exist for another year uh hank i am getting a mask or i didn't get a mask i got one of those fucking really cool uh like mickey things yeah that like basically every navy seal wears and it actually the only one they had was an american flag one so apparently people shopping on amazon don't love their country so i'm gonna walk around with a weighted vest in that and people will be like yeah he's special ops well you have the altitude mask so that's that too And the tactical glasses.
So I'm going to walk around with a weighted vest in that. And people will be like, yeah, he's special ops.
Well, you have the altitude mask. So that's that too.
And the tactical glasses. So I have it all feel bad because my neighbor came from across the across the way here.
He works at a hospital and he had like a box of 10 hospital masks. And I'm like, I don't want to steal valor.
I don't want to take those. He's like, no, take at least one or two.
So I've got a couple of them. I've been getting some emails emails from jinko i think i've kept you guys up to date on that they're doing their part to to fight coronavirus with 15 off sales but i think that they don't think you have i don't think you have yeah they should make masks with all the xxxxs fabric just out of the yeah the kangaroo pie just make jinko branded hijabs yeah i'm down for that i I'm, yeah, I got like basically the starter kit for a guy who walks around like Portland, Oregon with an AK-47 saying, don't take away my rights.
So I'm definitely going to walk around Brooklyn. Everyone's going to be like, what's this guy doing? With the weighted best tactical glasses, American flag neck thingy, mustache, and, yeah, and the mask.
So, yeah, it's going to be a good time I'll probably get shot I'm probably going to get shot you have the am I being detained starter pack yes exactly like I know my rights alright what else is going on anything I mean I actually do think here we're back to positivity I think the president calling all the commissioners on Saturday was a positive sign because I would imagine that call was, you need to bring sports back right now. Cause we're all need sports very, very badly.
I think he just called because Baron, because Baron is driving him absolutely insane in the white house and no sports on TV. So he was like, I want to talk to someone.
Oh, Oh, you're saying that he's, he, he was like, dad, you need to bring the sports back? Yeah, I think that either Barron was like, Dad, you got to get sports back or Donald Trump was like, I'm sick of hanging out with my son because he doesn't have anything to watch on TV, so I need to call up. Here, get me Roger Goodell.
But Barron's a big footy fan, and the MLS wasn't included as last I checked. Neither was the Premier the premier lacrosse league which was uh disrespectful fucked up paul rable didn't get an invite i didn't get an invite as commissioner future commissioner of united states rugby no owner you're gonna name yourself commissioner owner slash commissioner yeah that's gonna be a problem well sometimes you gotta take charge of something if you want it solved you know so i feel like that was a positive thing then wind horse is like the bearer of bad news drop some more bad news i feel like saturday night that i just or maybe it's friday night i actually actively ignored it just so that i couldn't be bummed out did you watch did you watch the clip of him saying it no what he's like sad the way he delivers sad news was just just depressing like he was just he was about to cry when he basically.
Yeah. I'm going to cry when I – so I saw it.
You know the thing when you see bad news on Twitter and you're like, yep, I'm going to scroll by it. Don't want to watch.
Don't want to see this. Not going to read this.
Not going to comprehend this. So I saw it briefly and scrolled right by it.
And then this is the first I'm thinking about the fact that he kind of hinted that NBA is definitely going to cancel the rest of the season. Yeah, but there's a silver lining in that cloud, which is Adam Silver is considering having the best players in the league play horse against each other live on Instagram, which just sounds like the most boring idea of all.
Do a dunk contest would be better on Instagram live. It is so, so boring.
Like saying horse is basically that Adam Silver is really showing his age there because there's no way like horse is the fun game when you're like five years old and you learn how to shoot and when you're 70 years old and you like playing basketball but you can't do anything but shoot like yeah so this is I actually I was tweeting that I would rather watch these players go through their regular workout and see like how they how they you know see mellow in his hoodie just draining shots and running no more than like 10 steps and then seeing LeBron actually work out really hard and being like oh there's the difference that would be more interesting than. I would rather watch Johnny Cueto take care of his actual horses

on Instagram Live than to watch an NBA player play horse.

They're fucking dead.

They're dead.

Yeah, that's why I know.

That's how bad it would be to watch an NBA player play horse.

It's like two guys playing horse against each other.

It's fun for them, but it's boring for everybody else.

It's like telling people your dreams.

I don't want to see James Harden be like, okay, here's another three-pointer that i'm gonna sink do that okay now what i i would i would rather watch them each take a thousand free throws at least then it's like okay here's yeah here's what your free throw percentage is is in like an empty gym with no pressure yeah they just, they're scrambling for content like everybody else.

But yeah,

I'm going to take a hard pass on the horse idea.

I actually think I would,

even if there was absolutely nothing else going on in the sports world,

I still wouldn't tune in and watch that.

Yeah.

And then of course people will say,

well,

think about the betting.

You got to realize something.

If they play horse,

they're not going to let you bet more than like $5 on these games.

They're not,

they're just not.

So think big picture. Don't let them try to, they're trying to basically do a bet more than like $5 on these games.
They're not, they're just not. So think big picture.

Don't let them try to,

they're trying to basically do a little switcheroo on us being like,

Hey,

the NBA is probably going to be canceled,

but we're going to play some horse.

Don't let them,

don't let them do that.

Don't let them do that.

Hold out for the cruise ship.

Yeah,

exactly.

They're trying to get off easy.

We're not going to let them.

I like that big heads.

Yes.

We're not going to take whatever Adam Silver hands us and thank him and,

and be begging for scraps from,

and ask for,

Thank you. Exactly.
They're trying to get off easy. We're not going to let them.
I like that big heads. Yes.
We're not going to take whatever Adam Silver hands us and thank him and be begging for scraps from and ask for seconds on gruel. Okay.
Listen, we want, we want our aircraft carrier, eight team NBA playoff tournament. We, we, as a podcast have already said that we will donate our brains to anyone that needs it in terms of bringing sports back.
But what we won't do is let the sports leagues belittle us by giving us these little games and, and being like, this will placate the world. Like, Oh, we'll have a, you know, a couple of players play on, you know, video games and that will be fine.
No, that's not fine. That's fine for right now, but that's not bringing back sports.
So we're holding out for real sports to come back otherwise i don't know what we're gonna do i'll probably just be really mad on my couch like i am every single day maybe they'll just keep dropping new tiger kings because jeff jeff lois said that there's going to be another episode tiger king coming out which might be just wishful thinking on his part because he probably has a lot of footage from behind the scenes of different times that he's tried to get people to confess to crimes so he could turn them in. So he's probably got all this footage.
He's like, we got enough to make another Tiger King. Netflix is putting that next week.
I don't necessarily believe Jeff Lowe because when has Jeff Lowe ever said anything to make you want to believe him? But I am hoping that there might be another episode. Well, before before we started the show you were trying to figure out why you had blood on your uh can of c4 and um you i think you missed it but hank and i were talking we actually actively have we have the phone number to someone in jeff lowe's camps and we're trying to book him on the show to be like why are you always lying dude, dude? I love it.
Let's make it happen. So we might have it happen.
I had to send a text message, though, the original text message. I was like, oh, you know, we've been watching Tiger King.
We're huge fans of Jeff because it's like someone in his camp. I had to say that, and I was like, there's no way this person actually even – they don't believe me.
The closest thing there is to sports right now is Top Chef Masters is on, and you can bet on that too so i've been a big top chef guy for the last like 10 years so that's kind of cool yeah that's yeah that's something they need to bring back top uh top chef kids that's the funniest show like on that's chopped chopped kids that is the funniest show on tv if you if you are looking to kill some time i think there's a couple seasons on on like on demand it is so so funny top chef is great if you like people uh getting eliminated every season for the same mistakes like somebody tries to make risotto someone tries to make ice cream in 10 minutes and it never ever works and then they cry and get cut and they say that they should have been true to themselves when they were cooking and everyone's like yeah that's a that's a good point. They did also, obviously, we're taping this before WrestleMania night two, but WrestleMania night one was last night.
I don't know if you guys caught any of it, but the Undertaker AJ Styles match was one of the funniest, like weirdly entertaining matches I've ever watched in wrestling history because it was pre-taped in a graveyard. It was the boneyard match.
Undertaker ended up burying him alive, which has been a theme of his career, but it was pre-taped in a graveyard it was the boneyard patch undertaker ended up burying him alive which has been a theme of his career but it was like the perfect level of super cheesy and bad where it just became good and awesome i've been watching a lot of backyard wrestling and that's this is now backyard wrestling's time to shine for like two brothers that are both somehow named travis in central t Central Tennessee to just set up a camcorder in their backyard and go out and slam each other onto barbed wire. This is your time to really wow us with your content.
But I haven't been watching any of the WrestleMania so far this year. Why they split it up into two nights? I think just to get more viewers.
And also give people a little extra time. I mean, it's split.
It's like the draft. The draft should be seven weeks long.
Yeah. Isn't wrestling like built on fans though? It's very bizarre because you can also like hear the, like it's just bizarre.
It's a bizarre feeling, but that's why the Undertaker AJ Styles thing was funny because it was a pre-taped in a boneyard that was just so weird but yeah it is uh it definitely feels it feels like almost like you're watching a video game it's hard to it's hard to explain and also if you hear like i saw a couple clips of the spanish announcer and you can hear very vividly the other announcers the real announcers because there's no one in the room when they're wrestling yeah yeah, yeah. I need to get into wrestling.
I feel like that's the last. Once I start getting really into, like, pay-per-view wrestling streams, that's when you know that we're scraping the bottom of the barrel for sports because I've never been, like, mid-'90s.
I watched a little bit of WWE, but I've been totally out of it. But at that point, if I'm shelling out $79 for wrestling, then you know that we're in very dire straits right now yes yes i i got a question for you hank a new hot in the street a new meme that i just saw earlier today what's up with the funeral meme oh my god it's so funny so funny uh that that guy made it i forget dan was it dan something uh yeah mason he just he just it just he just made it come out of the blue but it's very very funny you just got to find like a clip of someone getting hit or like when you got stuffed by big cat or like something like that you like and then i don't know what you're talking about just guys dancing at your funeral yeah or what if it was uh roger goodell saying with the second overall pick in the afl draft the select Mitch Trayvon.
Well, it's going to be either that or the double doink. Either that or the double doink.
It could be good. Or just you saying the Bears are back.
No, but it needs to be the video of Big Cat watching the double doink. Right.
Like it would be the video of me stuffing you. Gotcha.
I don't know what video. Right, right.
That's what Hank is trying to say. All right, should do oh when i had a broken leg yeah yes he didn't need surgery on broken foot yeah it's a pretty much broken leg uh all right let's do it uh who's back of the week hank why don't you start uh my who's back of the week is just my wardrobe and my, like, feng shui.
Who is it?

Marie Kondo is, like, the get rid of all your stuff.

Does it spark joy?

So I did that this weekend.

Honestly, I was mentioning this pre-before the show,

and Big Cat told me to save it because that's where we're at in the world.

But I got rid of – I, like, took all my clothes out

and got rid of probably, like, five trash bags of them,

donated them or whatever.

How many sweatshirts do you guys think I still have you're that's like what you wear every single day right i'm gonna say

you probably have like 20 sweatshirts yeah yeah 20 seems like a good good guess pft

what's your guess big cat 20 i like that guess i think that's right you're taking his guess

Okay, 19.

19.

26.

Okay.

You're just stuck with 20.

I got bullied off. 26.

26.

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26. guess i think that's right you're taking his guess okay nine solidarity 19 26 okay i'm stuck with 20 i got 26 why do you have 26 sweatshirts i don't know i had like 46 i you know i was i was getting rid of so many and then i was like all right this is a good amount to have 46 well i figured i got rid of i covered in so many clothes i heard of so many clothes and then afterwards i was like all right i'm done like literally got rid of four giant trash bags and i counted them i was I was like, well, I still have 26 sweats many clothes.
I got rid of so many clothes. And then afterwards, I was like, all right, I'm done.
Like, literally got rid of four giant trash bags.

And I counted them.

I was like, well, I still have 26 sweatshirts.

They all spark sweatshirts.

Better than 46.

That's so many sweatshirts.

Hey, what was the sweatshirt that, like, just barely made the cut?

Like, number 25 or 26?

Thanks, Rico Bosco.

I was like, I don't want to wear this.

Oh, that just barely made the cut? I had to get rid rid of a lot i had to get rid of a lot of them rico's not gonna like hearing that no i i think i still kept it no i kept it because some things but if you had if if someone came to your house right now said only 20 sweatshirts allowed cdc guideline only 20 sweatshirts allowed rico bos Bosco wouldn't make the cut. I mean, if we're

in the trustee, that's probably true.

But you just moved the goalposts

because we were talking about 26. I Clay Travis'd you.

Yeah, you did.

And then my other who's

back of the week is just video games. I've just, I mean,

that's really, I've just been playing video games for like

this entire quarantine.

But we have a part of my Take Twitch channel.

I can't wait till in two weeks when you're like sick of video games just like you got sick of uh being high no i'm getting good though i'm getting i'm i'm very bad so it's like i'm getting better uh he was i actually was talking to to shout out triggs our uh artist who who does all the cover art for uh part of my take and also made the book, the coloring book that was so awesome. And watching kids fill it out is so, so awesome.
Triggs has a newborn as well, and he texted me. He was like, I want to throw my phone through the wall when Hank said this quarantine has ruined getting high because it's not fun anymore.
Yeah, I mean, you got spark joy somehow, Hank. Have you been trying out new pieces, like different devices? Yeah, I got a couple wraps, a couple cigars, mixed it up.
Okay, good. It's no different than doing new positions to keep things fresh in a relationship.
Hank's got to fall back in love with getting high. Yeah, I've just been trying to do like once a day just save it so i have something to like look forward to at night speaking of chopped for children we should just give hank like three or four ingredients every day and he has to make a bowl piece out of whatever we give him i'm done yeah yeah yeah okay i'll think of some i'll think of three things for tomorrow So is that tomorrow.
That's it. My who's back of the week is a global dimming.
Have you guys heard about global dimming? No. All right.
So I got really down this rabbit hole last night because some people were saying, you know, what's going to be a nice like by-product of everybody staying in place is carbon emissions are going to go down. Aerosol emissions are going to go down.
It means that it's going to be, you know, better for the environment overall. I'm not so fast, my friend, because there's something called global dimming, which is the effect that aerosol and all those little particles have when it's in our environment and in the atmosphere every single day, it actually protects us a little bit from the sun's rays and makes the earth a little bit cooler because we put so much shit into the atmosphere now that all that's dipping down it's actually going to increase the short-term effect of global warming so we're doubly fucked so it's gonna be hotter this summer it's gonna be really hot yeah and it's el nino which i jesus i didn't even think about that that's the ultimate like you could blame anything on El Nino El Nino what does El Nino stand for again? according to Chris Farley was the Nino the boy I think it means Jesus actually from what I'm told Chilean fishermen used to think that Jesus was coming every like five years because their catches would be they'd have so much more fish but it was just because water was a little bit warmer so yeah we're um this is like the perfect storm of uh of shit that's about to hit our entire environment right now okay so you're the negative guy today because that was very negative yep i'm just being a realist just being a realist no listen there's no we i don't believe you i don't believe you we can't look down on the negative person of each show because it is realist like that is what we need we need someone to be like hey it's the world is kind of fucked so there it is we're doubly fucked but again if it goes back to climate change there are some advantages to having no i'm no no i was about to get too negative i'm not going to get that negative oh either who's back of the week is true love because john snow keeps falling in love with anyone who talks to him so uh that guy is a sap and i was today years old when i found out that there was a difference between john snow and rob stark so i've been really paying attention pretty closely to uh to game of thrones daniel jones and eli manning simping ain't easy baby it's not easy but it's necessary um all right's back.
Rob Stark, kind of a huge simp. Major simp.
They're both simps, to be honest with you. Big time.
Fat me's all the way back. I stepped on the scale today.
I'm up 13 pounds since quarantine started. I mean, you were going hard, Big Cat.
I would talk to you about it, but you were really – there was like two months where I was like, Big Cat's going hard at this diet. And it's completely falling apart.
I've been averaging like four hot dogs a day the last three days. It's a pace that cannot be kept up.
Pizza, ice cream. So I'm getting back on track tomorrow, officially.
Were you wearing your 80-pound weight vest when you stepped on a scale? if so you've actually lost a lot of weight no i i actually um i actually have my own weight vest now that is my body because i took a walk uh yesterday and like my knees hurt after i was like damn i didn't have my weight vest on oh wait i've gained like a way too much weight in the last two weeks this is probably it so so back on track you know what i've started of on saturdays i don't know if this is good or not but i've been going for bike rides like actual analog non-peloton outdoor bike rides uh which is i think it's safe right that's such a throwback yeah it's such a throwback i've been like biking to the convenience store and getting like a 20 ounce mountain dew and then riding home it feels pretty Reese's cups and yeah some Reese's I was thinking here's how bored I was the other day I was like what if I just biked around Manhattan just did like a big lap around the entire island it's like 30 miles you think I could do that yeah absolutely you could do it okay that's what I'll do next week I'll do I'll do a personal race around Manhattan you this. You got this for sure.
And then my other who's back is Internet 1.0. I'm bringing

back Internet 1.0. So on Friday night, I did Periscope bar hopping, which is just basically

finding random people who are Periscoping for like five people and then retweeting it and everyone

going in and being really nice. But that's the key.
It's not Internet 2.0. We're not trying to fuck with people.
We're just being nice, trying to signal boost all the struggling artists out there who are trying to get out there and doing their art for, like, six people every night on Periscope. We're signal boosting them and making them feel good.
So trying to make the Internet, like, fun again? I don't know. This might be stupid.
I like that. Yeah, just,.
Just be nice. I don't know.
I was trying to do that when I was crashing different Zoom meetings. I crashed this one instructor who was teaching people how to do the cup dancing thing or the cup drums.
And then the FBI put out all these guidances saying it's against the law to do that. And so it felt like it was getting to a bad place.
Well. Some of the was the rangers one crash yes what the the new york rangers zoom on friday night was not good yeah exactly so i've been looking for something like a more constructive positive way to go just see random new people hop in whenever i whenever we go i'm gonna keep it very random because if i if i if i do it consistently it will it will get ruined it will be totally random.
But we found a woman who's now painting us something for our studio. I found a woman that I keep having lunch with in New Zealand every day named Luis, who's very nice.
So, yeah, it's Internet 1.0. Just connect.
Use the Internet for the good things, not the bad things. What is Internet 1.0? I've never heard that phrase before.
Is that like a – That's what I said good what you're doing, but I also feel like internet 1.0 was way worse. Way more of a free-for-all.
There was definitely free-for-all, but there was less cynicism. So it's less sarcasm cynicism in the internet.
I know what you're saying, Hank. Internet 1.0 was definitely like, hey, look at this video of a guy getting beheaded.
That's cool. Like that definitely happened a lot internet 1.0.
But I also think internet 1.0 people had more pure intentions. So like people were doing things just to do them, not to go viral.
Or it wasn't like people weren't putting out videos to troll people or like, like I'm always thinking of like Danny boy. Kane is internet 1.0.
He was just as genuine and as pure as could be. And that's what these periscopes are.
I think a soldier boy, soldier boy naming, taking every popular song and putting it on LimeWire, but then actually it just was a soldier boy song. Yeah.
Renaming it. So like you download like 50 cent into club and then it would just be soldier boy yeah that was that was huge like every song if you tried to download a beatles song it was uh it was usually soldier boy yeah this thing would just be like cranked at yeah so i guess maybe internet 1.0 isn't the exact phrase for it but i would say just less sarcasm less cynicism in the internet and less like everything is the worst and we're all going to die and everything leads back to politics.
That's what I'm trying to bring back. So like getting away from global dimming is what you're getting at.
Yeah, but we need to at least be aware of it. So appreciate you doing that.
Just trying to educate people. I don't know.
It might also be another hoax. I'm very, I'm primed to get hoaxed by somebody right now yeah yeah the hoaxes are are going everywhere right now q anon is has really sunk their teeth into this entire thing would you say that that internet 1.0 is like you log on to rotten.com and then boom funeral meme yes yes it's something like that like where it's there's definitely parts of internet 1.0 where you would definitely see more dead bodies than Internet 2.0.
Because they didn't have the filters yet. The quality filters.
Three guys, one hammer. No, I'm like a seasoned detective in a TV drama.
And then all these kids that are starting to get into the weird web. I'm like new guys over in the corner puking.
He can't handle it. Yeah, right.
Right, exactly. All right, let's get to our interviews.
We got Danny Woodhead coming up first. Before we do that, a word from our good friends, new sponsor, which I've been waiting for us to be able to talk about.
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All right, here he is, Danny Woodhead.

Okay, we now welcome on a good friend, recurring guest.

It is Danny Woodhead. He's a podcaster now.
Go download his podcast out of nowhere. Danny, it's good to have you on.
It's good to see your face. You've got a great mustache.
I also want to do something real quick. I want to, I think we're going to run this Monday, but we'll edit a little bit of this.
We'll selectively edit it and we'll pretend that we taped this like two months ago perfect danny where do you think tom brady's gonna go right now it's really up in the air i mean i think there's a chance he could leave i would say it's like 60 40 he leaves i would say i don't I don't think so. I think out of the teams, the possibilities are – I know this sounds crazy.
The Raiders, Chargers, Kansas City Chiefs, or the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. The Bucs? I like the Chiefs as one of them too.
Yeah. the thing is the Chiefs, yeah, they won a Super Bowl.
I get it. But there's rumors that they're not happy with Mahomes and his leadership.
They want Tom there for a year. Have him grow.
You have to look ahead in this league too. You know, like, okay, yeah, Pat Mahomes did it last year, but it's about what's going to happen.
You don't get paid for past performance.

This isn't like the NBA where they'll give you an $80 million contract

because of what you've meant to the franchise.

It's more likely that he's going to go to the Chiefs and the Bucs.

The Bucs is the craziest one there.

Right, right.

I think the Chiefs have the upper hand right now.

But it just – it kind of depends on their cap.

You know, I think they pay Tom and just wait for a year for an extension with Patty. Give him a one-year deal.
Give him a one-year deal. Next year, they'll extend Patty M.
That's not a bad idea because you see how much he learned from Alex Smith as a backup. Imagine what he could learn spending a year backing up Tom Brady.
It's like the ceiling would just go so much higher for him plus there's a track record of getting New England quarterbacks down in Kansas City like Matt Castle went down there and he was amazing like this is it's like a pipeline yeah I would I would consider I mean anyone that's played NCAA football knows pipelines recruiting pipelines well back you know getting a quarterback quarterback pipeline from New England to Kansas makes sense. And think about that.
We're talking about Pat Mahomes' ceiling right now as being a solid winner. We already reached it.
He's already reached it. He won a Super Bowl.
He won a Super Bowl. Yeah, right.
He won a Super Bowl, right? Right. He's maxed out.
Right. Right.
Do you want Pat? Yeah. He hit his ceiling.
Yeah. Do you want Pat to win a Super Bowl or Super Bowls? Right? Great point.
Great point. Glass half full.
Well, so what about your boy, Phillip Rivers? Because you also played with old Phil. Do you have an inside track on where he's gonna go you know with uh you know with i obviously he's not going back to the chargers i don't know no i just don't think he's gonna i mean there's been talks that maybe they're done with him i know that's that's what i thought it is a cold world so i think the bucks could be in it too like the bucks the colts and there's a lot of rumors flying around with the pittsburgh steelers oh interesting now i i was thinking maybe baltimore too well yeah baltimore too they're just because kind of the same deal as Mahomes.
Like, yeah, super cool.

You're MVP, but, like, you need to learn from someone. Yeah.
In all seriousness, so you obviously played with the Patriots. You were around Tom Brady.
You were around Bill Belichick. Did any of this shock you at all? Or were you like, it kind of makes sense because he had – the writing was on the wall and it felt like something that he was going to do by negotiating this freedom.
Yeah. I, you asked me five years ago, I would have said it never happens.
Never. I would have been like, he's going to, he's going to finish in new England, do his deal there.
And that's what it's going to be. But who predicted he was going to play till he's 53 right and and and that's the thing is now he's getting to the age obviously where he's getting close to social security but more than anything he's getting to the age where it's like I just want to do my own thing and and I that's kind of what I see it as is he probably just wants to do his own thing and like let's not fault him for that like if he i played in four jerseys i mean granted i don't have a legacy but still like disagree yeah you're right you're right good call good call i have a legacy it's just more of a leg a leg i did not it's a slightly injured leg it's just yes what are we going to argue are we going to we're going to be like oh tom really wasn't that good oh he wasn't you moron no it's just a weird visual it really is like i completely agree with you the he is the greatest of all time that's not like kind of up for debate anymore it's just a weird thing to like see him because they're going to play in a lot of primetime games,

and we're going to see Tom Brady in a Bucs uniform, and it's going to be weird.

And it's going to be weird that the Patriots are going to play a whole heck of a lot of 1 o'clock games.

Yeah, that's true.

There's rumors that they're not even going to have him on television.

Just put him behind a paywall. Yeah, it is going to be behind a paywall it's gonna yeah it's gonna be it is it's gonna be behind the wall it's gonna be behind or like pbs and nickelodeon yeah you'll play a ton of like london games yeah it's like oh congratulations patriots you have four home games in london it like, no, we don't.
First of all, the field's terrible. So, like, we don't want to play there.
Second of all, that's the stupidest idea ever. I do kind of agree with you that with Brady, he wants to do something a little bit different because – do you see that he's going to be on Howard Stern next week? Yeah.
Like, he's going to sit down with him? Like, there's no chance that would ever happen if you think he's gonna take his shirt off no well this is it's it's actually like it's funny because it's both of them in their like the later phase of their careers where like you'd be like oh is howard stern gonna ask him about his sex like no because he's not the same howard stern anymore and tom brady in a weird way, is opening up more than he probably ever has.

So it's like two ships passing in the night

when it comes to how that interview could have been great

and it probably will be just whatever.

I would say even the last, would it be more year,

where Tom's like, he's on social media, he's doing this,

he did the Facebook thing, the Facebook show, whatever the heck that was.

But I will say, once you leave, I mean, I don't know how many times have I been on the show. It doesn't really matter.
But the first time we talked, I was just like, I don't know, first year out of new England. It's like, if you look at the, just my progression, as far as comfortability talking to people, it's, I, I guess when I was in San Diego, I thought Bill was going to come to my house and like do the tickle monster and do something weird to me, you know, where, so maybe, maybe, maybe he knows that Bill would be the tickle monster.
Yeah. So I went on your show a couple of weeks ago.
You're very good at podcasts. I'm actually, I'm a little bit threatened by you because like most, most former athletes, they start their podcasts and they're like, you know what, this is going to be easy.
I'm just going to talk about my playing days all the time. You're, you're pretty good at it.
So how much tape did you watch part of my take before you taped your first episode? You know, you got to watch a lot of tape. I mean, because you have to put yourself in those different scenarios so i don't know like you have to watch not every film not every podcast but you got to watch about it you know half of them at least because what if i'm in that scenario or what if i'm in that scenario you know bill taughtlereth wants you to piss your pants next to him.
You got to be prepared. Situational podcasting.
Like, am I going to have to stick a whole thing of Redman in my mouth? I don't know. Probably.
But yeah, probably at some point you're going to have to do that. And I don't know.
Am I going to have to start smoking heaters? I don't know. Not that you guys did that, but maybe I have to.

Probably.

All right, I got a real question for you.

You ready for this?

I'm more than ready.

Well, so we're obviously in a weird-ass time right now.

No one knows what the future is going to hold here

for when sports are going to come back.

But I would assume as we're sitting here,

oh, actually, we're supposed to –

the coronavirus seems like it could be a big deal.

I saw the first case in China.

There, we covered our past.

We taped this in January.

No, but in all seriousness,

the season will probably be delayed

in terms of...

Or it will be a shortened training camp, right?

Guys will have to be coming back

and kind of rushing into it.

Similar thing happened in 2011.

You were in the league then. The lockout lasted until July.
Which side does that favor? Like, are guys really working out hard on their own, or is it something that guys are going to be a little out of shape? Like, how does that all play out in your mind? I mean, in some ways it's similar to the lockout, but in other ways it's not at all because there's nowhere to train so it's it's total self-discipline and i mean that that's what's gonna like the people are gonna have the edge or the people that have veterans who actually care and know what it's about uh you look at the lockout year we were so far we know that was the year we went to the super bowl and up losing to the giants but we're so far ahead of everyone because everyone knew training camps happening regardless with bill you better be ready right and if you're not like you're going to be fired you're not going to have a job and i don't know then you're going to go do whatever the heck you would do if you didn't have a job so i'd favor the teams that a little bit more discipline and I would not favor the teams that don't and just kind of do whatever the heck they want, because there's a lot of guys that just don't do anything. It's also crazy to think about teams with new coaches and like how the hell terrible are, are, or team, maybe not even teams, new coaches, but like a team like the dolphins who have three first round picks, who are going to be like throwing a lot of draft capital around and try to pick up a lot of like new rookies and make their team young overnight how the hell do you then try to get a training camp when it might not start till august see i think that's going to be hard uh and and i'm one to believe that if it would have been normal off season not saying they they're going to make the playoffs, but the Dolphins have some good coaches.
Biflow, Brian Flores, really good. He was a quality control special teams dude when I was there in New England.
Dude rose the ranks, unbelievable coach. And he's, I mean, I thought he did one of the best coaching jobs in the nfl last year i mean hopefully no dolphins get offended it's like the trashiest football team we've seen in the nfl and since the oh and 16 lions right they were actively trying to lose they were actively trying to lose and they ended up being competitive towards the end of the season right the bangles too the bangles were like exactly bad enough to lose almost all their games but they never it never felt like the bangles were just getting the crap kicked out of them week in week out right and no i i totally agree and so the dolphins with all the cap because they do have a ton of draft capital they have so much so much they can they can do whether it's even trading up more they can do whatever they want and and that's what's exciting but it's not exciting like you said because there's gonna be no offseason and that's gonna be difficult I think I mean man I would my rookie year I wouldn't have been ready until the season obviously I ended up getting hurt but you go in for the offseason you don't even know what you're doing the the offenses are so much different people saying that college offenses oh yeah I you know it's we we run an NFL offense no you don't you're lying like that's that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard now let me say this LSU might have had a little bit of a because of uh Brady being there and he ran it you could tell that was an NFL offense but still he's in the NFL now yeah exactly but so it's it's gonna be hard because it's it's different either especially so like about running backs like you have to pass pro like and run like the past pros maybe the number one deal and and if you if you can't figure that out just the pass protections you're not playing so like i'm thinking that as just a running back think of it as the offensive line like there's a lot of teams that need offensive linemen well and there's some good offensive linemen but if you don't have the time to understand what you're doing, well, you're going to suck.
It doesn't mean you're a bad player. It's just you're not going to do well.
Quarterbacks, that's one position. If you got – I don't know if he's a genius, but I think Burrow and I think Tua, I think they're both really good.
I don't know what type of development they're going to – but that's something you get drafted because the draft's going to go on. Right.
They're going to find a way to get playbooks. Let's not joke around with ourselves.
Be like, oh, yeah, they can get it only once – no, they're going to get playbooks somehow. And they'll be able to study.
And that's something that I I think it'll be very hard but if you have a dude that like is like a Tom Brady or a Philip River someone that like just grinds and and wants to know what everyone does they might be able to figure it out but it's still going to be difficult right right what about the idea of having a team like installed like a custom playbook almost in a Madden type game and then giving that out to every single player and be like, OK, yeah, you can't do the stuff like offensive linemen and work as a team and learn what the guy next to you is going to do and get that feel down. But you can still take those mental reps and figure out what you're going to do on every single play.
you know i think actually uh that would be brilliant if like you could have like the

terminology like splur or the same and you just play madden now is it gonna be the same of course not but but as far as like for receivers would be super helpful for running backs would be very helpful um there's things you have to learn like the snap count that every team has a different um verbiage for you know the snap count and all that and and there's going to be different um verbiage as far as like who this is a little more in depth but a quarterback points out the mic some teams have the center point out the mic teams have like, there's certain things that will different. So like communication wise from the line and the quarterback, but even just like the simplicity, knowing what the name of the plays are, that'd be huge.
So I have the other question, semi-serious, with the cancellation of all the pro days and a lot of guys not having a shot like you went undrafted but you had an unbelievable 40 time and and showed out in your you know in your workouts if danny woodhead was coming out of college right now in 2020 would you knowing this isn't you but would you be on the instagram doing a lot of like, look at how many pushups, look how fast I can run like Instagram live. Here's me squatting a million pounds.
Would you have to do that? Because I think that's really the only way you can get like people to, to take notice that you're still working out and still someone that should be, you know, on a roster. Oh, I definitely do something like that.
I mean, it'd be super weird and it'd be like man i'm an i'm a influencer a pro dayer guy you know like that'd be that'd be like the weirdest thing and i'm not usually comfortable doing stuff like that but i'd do it because if i want an opportunity part of part of the whole nfl combine pro day deal is looking the part.

Is looking the part. When I ran my 40 when it was at Nebraska, guys, that's when I was in good shape.
I was shredded. I was like 5'8", 200 and as shredded as I've ever been in my life.
What did I do? I ran in just tights because I took my shirt off and made sure

everyone saw this little white

boy from Nebraska

that he can run really fast and

he looks jacked.

So the Instagram, you basically

were doing Instagram without Instagram.

Ish.

You were thirst strapping all the scouts.

I just Instagram live. The the thing is you know and front offices they have some dude always looking at everyone's twitter they like make sure like they're looking at every college kid's twitter they're looking at their players' Twitters, Instagrams, whatever it may be.

So, like, they're out there.

They may not be their names, but they're out there.

I don't know what the heck they are, but we'd always come in and, like,

for instance, in New England, Bill would always know if something crazy went down on Twitter, and it wasn't even, like, big,

but it was somewhat crazy.

It's like, who's up at one o'clock in the morning looking up this stupid stuff you know like like don't you got something going on well they have they have someone doing it for them i always thought that the whole like snap face insta chat thing that bill would say i thought that was always bullshit because he knows he knows what all these apps are he has he knows everything he my face space book i mean like yeah yeah my for all those people that don't know what my space was there there was another social media my space and facebook together i know people don't know that but space book my face, my face. You need to always be like, you're doing all that tweeting thing or whatever it is.
And we're like, Bill, this is the 47th time you've said this joke. You know what Twitter is.
You know what Instagram is. You're probably TikTok-ing yeah that's my guess absolutely absolutely i was

wondering about the drug testing aspect of things like are is goodell sending out his like piss collectors to like going door to door because that's not healthy that's not good social distancing or do you think a lot of guys are smoking the reef well i wouldn't be so i mean i'm sure they probably are you know yeah yeah i aren't I'm sure they probably are, you know, yeah, yeah. I aren't, I'm sure they probably aren't.
But yeah, that's, that's not good. Well, I mean, if you have a, if you have someone drug testing you, they're getting up close and personal.
What if like, like that's not good. Someone say they randomly were a carrier and they sneeze on the person that's drug testing that is like, you know, right.
Eyes on your crotch. Yeah.
So that's what they do. That's what they do.
Yeah. Is that, is that weird? Just having somebody just watch you pee? You know what? It's super weird.
But by the time, by the end, by year 10, you're like, come on in, you know, just come on in, come on in and watch me pee. That's, that's what I always joke.
So we'd, towards the end of my career, I'd be like, so, because you'd know their name, because usually it was this, and I wasn't always the same person, but you'd get the same people from time and time again. And they'd be, I was like, so come on over here come on come on over here you can watch me pee I'm pulling my pants down you want me to pull them down to my knees or where do you need me to pull them you need to take my shirt off and sometimes it weirded them out I thought it was kind of funny yeah I mean obviously like with the new CBA I think it's they're not even testing for marijuana anymore but right I still feel like now's the tie if you were to try to get away with taking some peds you could just tell the person like oh i'm i've got symptoms of the virus and then there's no chance that somebody would go into a bathroom stall with you it would be the easiest time ever to take peds the absolute easiest time because you could get out of it like what are they say? No, you don't have symptoms.
Yes, I do. And then you just, maybe you just cough or something.
Right. Like you will not get tested.
Billy football just tweeted actually like two minutes ago that this is, if we don't have football for 18 months, this is the perfect time to do a couple cycles. So he's telling everyone that right now.
All right, another sliding door moment question that I'm very curious about, and this might be like a little nerdy, you know, inside college football recruiting. Do you think if Danny Woodhead was 16, 17 years old right now, do you think Scott Frost would have him walk on at Nebraskabraska no i i think he would i think he would have offered me a scholarship there we go i i actually agree that i agree because i read i read an entire like a long um i think it was like the omaha.com or something wrote a whole article about um basically the the demise of nebraska football has been the walk-on program and going and getting all these guys from smaller high schools and being like, hey, come and we'll build you into a football player.
And you were listed in it. They're like, how does Nebraska miss on Danny Woodhead? That would be in the Tom Osborne era, that would be the perfect guy that they bring in and ends up being like an unbelievable college football player after red shirting and like sitting on the bench for three years yeah yeah you know the thing is I looking back like yeah do I wish I could have I wish I had the opportunity whatever you know like that's they're here nor there do I think I would have do I think I would have went there yes I do I also think football's at a different time now like you want quicker faster people on the field when I when I was coming out of high school there wasn't as many I mean there were some I mean everyone I we all know some some I didn't you know get offered and that's okay but uh now there's a fit for the the smaller running back like that's if I if I'm a coach I'm probably I'm probably not playing a big back yeah if I'm if I'm'm a head coach, even in the NFL, I want a back that's five, 10 or shorter.
People are going to laugh at that, but I don't want a six foot two running back. I want a five foot 10 or shorter, 210 to 200 pound running back who's fast, can catch the ball.
And then I'll go get a six foot 225 pounder that can run on the goal line or something but like I don't I want to I want to score points right so you get a running back that is super skilled and can catch the ball and can run between the tackles he doesn't have to be 220 you can have him 205 you don't even have to have him 205 but you get a dude that can run the ball too it's just like it's cat and mouse they're like all right they put nickel on okay we can throw it or we can run it down their throats depending on personnel say you're in 12 personnel two tight ends they're in nickel it's like all right run oh oh you're you're in base you're in base we're gonna go empty and we're gonna kill you and make you look stupid I actually think part of that, you know, it's obvious Derek Henry's unbelievable, but part of everyone loving him is he's a little bit of a throwback in that way. Like you don't see those type of monster backs like you might have, you know, 10, 20 years ago.
Right. And the thing is, Derek Henry, amazing.
He's won a few. Right.
You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm going gonna go get Derrick Henry I know you're not I think that there are gonna be some coaches that try to get a Derrick Henry because the NFL is like very much just what have we seen recently like a copycat type of league they are they are so they're they're gonna be offensive coordinators that just try to plug any six foot three 235 pound guy in at running back and it's gonna fail miserably it it's the most moronic thing you could do like i know that's what the nfl does but unless you have the dallas cowboys offensive line of three years ago you don't do it yeah i like how your explanation of the type of running back that you want progressively just became more and more descriptive of daniel woodhead it was like you know i'd take like a guy who's like less than six feet, maybe 5'10", maybe 200. But I usually played at 200, not 210.
210, 200 pounds, like a guy that can bounce outside, catch the ball, but also get him between – like almost like a Christian McCaffrey type. Like you narrowed it down at the end where it was just like if we were playing guess who, I would have correctly identified that were talking about danny woodhead yeah yeah i had one last question for you nebraska coronavirus you guys aren't doing anything anything differently are you no we are we definitely are i so because we were out of state so we came back and And because, so I have a friend that's a doctor and he's kind of dealing with it all.
So I kind of knew the, I don't want to say the severity, but I knew that it could spread. So we were like, once we got back, we're going to, we're going to self-quarantine because we didn't know if we could have came in contact with it.
this is when it was starting to blow up i don't know what everyone else is doing i would say the we have is we are so spread out yeah no that's what i assume and i i would do the same thing like i always just think that the rural the more rural states if i were living in one of them right now i'd be like come on we on, we're so spread out. Like, I mean, think about this.
It took like New York to have thousands of cases and people to start dying for everyone in New York to be like, okay, maybe I won't go outside anymore. So it's, it's just a really hard thing to let your brain accept what's going on.
So I just assume the more rural states are like, we're good. Well, I think there are some that are like that now omaha not metropolis but we're close our area is close to like a million so we have enough people that we are somewhat close right so we see it as being super real whereas i think some of the smaller towns they're probably just going about their business like yeah well let's just wash our hands, whatever it may be.
But also we see, at least as in Omaha,

that we see, at least as in Omaha, that we see everything that's happening to you guys and, and even some of the other, other States. And we're like, all right, let's, let's pump the brakes a little, you know, like us, well, not so much that, but let's like, even though we have maybe the advantage of being spread out, let's still chill just because it's crazy.
And there is a lot of craziness going on in the world and man, like stuff like this. And that's, what's fun about doing like the podcast is like this world still needs some, some like fun, laughter, joy.
And, and that's like, that's super important right now. Like, so I don't know if I know PFT, you follow me and I'm sure you do too.
Like, look at my haircut, my haircut. Yeah.
That's pretty sick. Yeah.
No, I saw that. Yeah.
Racing stripes. Yes.
And you know, I did it because I'm trying to have fun. I'm trying to make people laugh.
I'm trying to make people like, still like get on the internet and not like search coronavirus statistics, because that's what everyone wants to do. And what does that do? That just builds up fear and anxiety and stress.
And like, you go nuts. I want people to jump on there and be like, man, Woodhead looks like a clown.
You know, like, that's what I want. And I don't care because I think it's fun, and, and I want people to enjoy their life still, even though it's hard and it's tough times and,

and we all get that. Let's still like, try to like have some, some sort of like sunlight on

people's lives. Yeah.
I love it. Um, all right.
Everyone go listen to Danny's podcast out of

nowhere is what it is called. And, uh, thank you, Danny.
Always great to catch up with you, man. Hey, thanks for having me, fellas.
Be safe, Danny. Wash your hands.
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That's getroman.com slash take. And now, Quentin Nelson.
Okay, we now welcome on future Hall of Famer, two-time Pro Bowler, Quentin Nelson from the club. Nice, nice.
That was a big intro. Can we say future Hall of Famer? I don't know.
We'll see. We can say it.
Can we call you Q? Call me whatever you want, P you want pft q anon except the coward or fraud don't call me that not gonna use those are fighting words i don't use the f word at all um my first question for you is a pretty pretty tricky one uh did you join andrew lux book club i did not you like talking shit about that huh no no we started a wik. Okay.
I did read a tweet, a quote, though, that you had where you were saying how Andrew Luck, when you were playing with him, you would go to different cities and he would be pointing out like architecture. And sometimes you're interested and sometimes this is a direct quote you'd think, beat it, nerd.
Yeah, I'd be like, dude, shut the fuck up. So do you.
He's so smart. Was there a moment when Andrew Luck retired where you had to sit – did you sit him down beforehand and like, hey, man, I'll make sure you don't get sacked.
It's fine. You won't get hurt.
Well, I mean, no, I did not sit down with him and say that. But, I mean, we gave up the least sacks the year before, like his last season and stuff.
But he told me I was just shocked. We were actually playing a preseason game against the Bears.
It was the third preseason game against my boy, Bars. And then, yeah, he told us before the game, and during the game, the news broke, cameras were all over him, and then some fans were booing him.
It was bullshit. Yeah.
It must have been kind of awkward, too, just like word trickling through the stadium,

and then you guys figuring out that people had figured out.

Probably not the ideal way for – probably not what he wanted to have happen either.

But, yeah, I mean, it seems like he made the right choice for himself.

He got sick of, like, all the rehab stuff.

But as you mentioned, you went 239 consecutive dropbacks

without allowing a sack to him. Yeah.
Were you in the zone zone can an offensive line get in the zone oh for sure I mean uh when you're clicking on all cylinders and you're uh just seeing everything through one set of eyes for sure and uh we have a tight-knit group and great guys and great players and uh we're definitely in a zone and uh yeah it was awesome how excited do you get when a run play is called because i i read this story too uh that you guys were when you were one and five in 2018 yeah yeah playing the bills coach comes in and he says we got 15 plays 15 play set it's all runs yeah yeah it was like all base runs there was no checks the passes and uh he was like we're gonna run the football this game and that's what we did and like when a run gets called like i want to run through a fucking brick wall because like i'm fired up like i get to attack this guy and uh like try to get the best of him as much as i can and it's more you're on the aggressive than like in pro you're on the defensive. So can you tell the moment, you don't have to name names, but can you tell the moment when an opposing player that you're playing across from has lost his will to even fight? I think you right now, Big Cat.
You're losing your will right now. No, no, no.
Zillion beers, Westredon. got that zillion beers, Westredon.
Yep. Friday beers.
We'll blur that. It is Friday.
We'll blur that. It is Friday.
We don't use the F. We'll blur that.
But does that happen in the course of a game when you're like, all right, this guy doesn't want anything anymore? Yeah. And I mean, when you're just imposing your will on people, and low-key you're fucking them up the whole game, and you're not even talking shit.
They're just like, like man fuck this shit man like that's awesome uh and and that comes with five guys all doing their jobs and uh it can't just be one guy like because they could just move over to the other side so then they move over to the other side and they're still getting the same business from the right guard it's awesome it's gotta be demoralized there was that one clip that came out of you snatching somebody's soul. You knocked out a linebacker, and the Colts' social media account added in the sound of you screaming as you did it to make it sound more intimidating.
So everybody was freaking out because it was such a cool-looking play and an awesome-sounding hit. But then it turns out that since it went so viral, the league watched it, and they ended up fining you for a helmet-to-helmet hit.
Yo, I was so mad. Like, I go in Monday.
There's just a FedEx on my locker seat. And I'm like, oh, what's in here? Like, I open it up.
It says $26,000 fine. And I was like, what? Like, what the fuck? Like, are you kidding me? Like, and the Colts, like, blew it up, which I didn't mind because I got some more clout for it.
You know what I mean? However, at the same time, I got $26,000. Is the clout worth the $26,000? I don't know.
Might have been. I think it might have been.
I think it might have been. You did go megavit.
I was pissed, though. I walked into my media guy's office with the fine.
I said said you're fucking paying for this shit and he was like dude i'm just an intern that runs social media yeah yeah pretty much um can i play a clip can i play a clip for you yeah all right i'm gonna play a clip for quentin right now okay is this me talking about you tough guy so this is quentin on Bussin' with the Boys. Great podcast.
You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, I feel you. Hey, they do anything for clout.
Anything for clout. Great transition.
But hold on one second. I just want to finish with one thing.
Fuck you, big cat. Fuck you, big cat.
Okay. Yeah, so anyway, we'll do anything for clout.
Coach Taylor. Made you guys famous.
Dude, he's the best. Quentin was famous before that.
You made Quentin famous. No, Quentin was already famous before that.
You made Quentin famous. Man.
Dude, that pissed me off. What's it? This just out? Yeah.
Are you fired up right now? I can't transition, yeah. I can't transition.
I got in your head so much, you couldn't transition. So you were mad at me.
I was mad at you. Why? Honestly, it's so long ago.
It's water under the bridge. You don't remember why you're mad at me.
I don't really remember. All I know is Taylor's my fucking guy.
Does it change? And I got his back, and you were being a piece of shit. Well, I wasn't, but does it change anything with the fact that we then, like, I could make the case that I'm Taylor's boss now because we bought Bustin' Boys.
Damn. You're kind of sunning him right now saying I'm your boss.
I'm just saying. Does that change anything? I mean, it definitely changes things.
No, I like those guys, too. They're awesome guys.
But it was funny when Taylor did the fuck you, Big Cat. Oh, yeah.
So we had, they were, like, blowing up our Twitter and Instagram. And clearly they have a great podcast.
But I remember you being part of it and being like, fuck, I understand why Taylor doesn't like us, but why does Quinn not like us? Yeah, yeah. I was like, dude, who the fuck's Big Cat? Is he even a big guy? Probably some little pussy.
Ready to just fucking try to fight me? You got the bench press right here. You go to town.
I can see the biceps popping through the sweatshirt. It looks good.
How much do you bench right now? Too much, bro. We load that thing up with 135.
Some real heavy weight. How many times are you tossing it? How many times? I don't know.
80? I don't know. At the combine, subtle flex.
225 to 36. Okay.
They took one rep away. I'm over them.
But you, I read also that you were doing, you were benching more your senior year of high school than Jadavion Clowney did that year. Oh, at the combine.
Yeah, at the combine. Yeah.
But the reps probably wouldn't count it because my hips were coming off and stuff like that. Oh, okay.
We don't do that. We're very strict.
Hips down. Yeah.
See, I like to get my hip thrust in the warm-up of the hips. You know what I the warm up of the hips That's why I have the hips come up I do respect the fact that you got so mad at Big Cat Despite not really knowing what you were getting mad about Do you go through life Getting just pissed off at people a lot Listen I got a tight circle My fucking boys I got their back So are we part of that now i mean not even close or close not not even close i mean that's fine i'm just wondering where we stand no you guys are awesome guys i love your podcast i love barstool i love listening to it and uh i mean you guys are awesome yeah i mean we've we've squashed the beef with taylor and will we you know.
We met them in Miami, had a good time with them. Oh, you're good.
I legally have to say they have a great podcast because it's money in my pocket. So they have a great podcast.
You would say that no matter what, though. Right.
Of course, I would. We are honorary boys now.
But you wouldn't have said that when they were signed. Correct.
But I just wanted – I would say they have a great podcast no matter what because it is Bussin' with the Boys. Go subscribe.
But, again, it's money in my pocket. Five stars.
Yeah, five stars. Yeah, do it, please.
Do it all. Do it all.
And I like you because you lined up at fullback this year. I love fullbacks.
I love the position. Dude, but I was a fucking pussy, dude.
What happens? 6'5", 335 pounds from the one yard line. I couldn't gain one yard.
I couldn't get in. That's actually an ultimate fullback move.
I was the biggest bitch, dude. Just getting the ball from the one and getting tackled right at the goal line.
But you still got the touchdown celebration. The thing was, I was like, yo, I definitely just didn't cross the goal line right there.
And they ruled it a touchdown. I'm like, dude, fuck it.
Like, this might be my only chance. We got to do the celebration now.

Did the keg stand. That was a pretty awesome celebration.
That also went viral. Are you ever worried that you were going too viral for an offensive lineman? No, I'm not really worried about it.
I mean, I don't – I wouldn't say I, like, try to go viral. It just, like, happens.
Right. You just crush – you just take people's souls and then you go viral.
Are you ever going to get maybe some kind of deal legally to keep Brian Baldinger away from you?

Because he goes a restraining order of some sorts.

Because his videos of you, they're uncomfortable sometimes.

He loves you that much.

Dude, he makes love when he's talking about me. He's like, look at Big Q.
He goes crazy. And, I mean, I really appreciate anyone that supports me and goes through film and breaks it down like Baldinger does.
But, yeah, I don't know. I don't know.
He loves you. He's drooling.
He's like, oh, man, look at this. He loves you.
Look at this. It sounds like when Guy Fieri is talking about cutting into a cheeseburger.
Yeah. That's how he sounds talking about you throwing in a chip.
Yeah. He loves you.
So 17-game season. Let's make some headlines.
Are you in favor of 17 games? Ooh, nice question. Absolutely not.
Dude, I don't need another game. What about another paycheck? 16 is a long time uh when it nah dude not worth it really our bodies are so fucking hurt after the season like 16 games and then you got the playoffs if you're lucky enough to make it that far and uh i don't know we just don't need another game in my opinion okay uh good headline grab now after the season's, how long does it take you? Like, how long do you take off where you're just like, I'm not doing anything for this amount of time? So my rookie season, I took, like, a month, a month and a half off.
But we also made it deeper into the playoffs, so that affects it. Like, I was done, like, February 16th or something like that.
So I took, like, a month off. This off this year like i kind of just went right into the training i was pissed we didn't make the playoffs really uh yeah so okay um all right so i also had one one last question but it's i would love to hear about this so i read this story on the athletic about you uh when you were in fifth grade you had to drop 23 pounds just to play football yeah yeah my pretty much uh my dad said quentin like i'm gonna coach this pop warner team whether you play or not which means you better fucking lose some weight kid right because and uh my mom would take me to the park and uh we'd run like the uh cross- course, 3.3 miles, Holmdale Park, the bull representing.
But also, and then I think I like discovered keto before that was a fucking thing because I was eating like just deli meats, veggies. As a fifth grader.
And like very limited bread. As a fifth grader.
Yes. So you dropped to 23 pounds.
I also read that you, in third grade, you were bigger than the fifth graders.

You were, in third grade, you were 4'11", height, and like 115 pounds.

Probably.

That's like my size right now.

Third grade.

In third grade.

That's unreal.

Yeah.

I like that you became accidentally keto.

You discovered it.

You literally ate like a caveman.

Dude, yes. Unintentionally, but lost all that weight so yeah how many pounds did you end up dropping like dude over my lifetime like a shit ton it's unreal like i just lose weight and then like i start getting some comments they're like oh quentin you look so good i'm like all right i could eat five cheeseburgers now yeah i go through that too yeah the yo-yo then i gain then I lose then I get in game lose lose You know what I mean? I go through that too.
Yeah. The yo-yo.
Then I gain. Then I lose.
Then I gain, gain, lose, lose. You know? Yeah.
You got a great name, Quentin Nelson. How many times in elementary school would a substitute teacher be like, Quentin Nelson? And then you'd raise your hand and they'd be like, wait, you're white? A substitute teacher.
What's your middle name? Emerson. Emerson.
Quentin Emerson Nelson. Why are you fucking laughing at my middle name? That's not a bad.
Buddies are here and they're laughing at his middle name. It's not a bad middle name.
Emerson Nelson. It kind of flows, bro.
Quentin Emerson Nelson. Yeah, sure.
Well, I think it flows because you're the one who's saying it, and you're like, hey, it flows, right? You're like, yeah, totally. That's right off the tongue.
Sounds like French. It's beautiful.
Quentin, Emerson, Nelson. Here's a good topical question.
What's the largest amount of marijuana you've ever smuggled across the Mexican border with an Uber driver? 176 pounds. Oh, beat him.
Beat him. Beat him.
All right, I got one last question. Seeky question.
Promo code take. $10 off.
Quentin Nelson, future Hall of Famer for the Indianapolis Colts. I read also that you don't like when your teammates congratulate the opponent on, like, good hits.
Yeah, yeah. Dude, you did your fucking research, man.
I did. I read one article.
What did you get on your fucking papers in college? It was good. It was a good article.
The Athletic wrote a really good article about you. Okay, okay.
Yeah, it was a good read. So how mad were you then when Andrew Luck would do it after every single hit? You know, you can't get mad at Andrew because he's just a fucking beast on the field, and he's the guy.
So I would not get mad at Andrew when he'd say nice hit. But also we didn't let up a lot of sacks and stuff, so I didn't really hear him talking.
But that one play pissed me off because me and Costanzo just double teamed this guy and put him on his his back and our tight end came over one of them not gonna name any names so you know you can figure it out jack doyle yeah it's jack doyle no i don't believe so but eric he helped him up and i was like dude don't fucking help him up what the fuck are you doing like if you pancake a guy you can help him up but don't don't don't fucking pick up a guy that I just pancaked.

That's my pancak. That's my bitch.

That's why you didn't let up any sacks.

It was like internal motivation for you to not let Andrew up compliments.

I like that one.

I can understand why you're so fucking good at your job.

Because you have the intensity in this podcast studio.

Your mustache is amazing.

Thank you.

I love the sunglasses.

And also the jean jacket. Yeah.
And the flask. Thanks.
Amazon, $30. $30.
Got one gone. There we go.
One last thing. Can you just give a little breakdown on...
This girl went viral about like six months ago. Get into a fight in a McDonald's.
Can you just kind of break down her technique here?

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, shit.

Look at her.

Look at her.

Look at pad level.

Yo, where's she at right now?

You think you could play with her?

Yeah, I don't know.

Yeah.

Let's start down right now.

Let's start down.

Let's start the baldinger going.

Let's go with the baldinger.

All right, Quinn Nelson, thank you so much, man. Appreciate it.
Thanks, Big Cat. Thanks, PFT.
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B-A-M-B-E-E dot com slash PMT. Okay, let's get some segments.
By the way, I just texted Quiggs, who we work with, to give me the memes, the Goodell announcing Mitch Pick, and the double doink so I can get in front of it. I'm just going to tweet it just to take away because it's going to happen.
Tomorrow morning, I'll probably get tagged in a billion of those. Just going to get in front of it.
We should do one where we're just rubbing down our shoes and sardine oil and then boom, cut to it. Which one, Hank, as well? The dab.
Florida, Wisconsin. Yeah, that one too.
Let me get. Let me get in front of that.
I'm just going to – I'll just do a thread where it's like before everyone shits down my throat, let me shit down my own throat. All right.
Let's do some segments. We have a Mount Flushmore, and we also have Talking Soccer.
Talking Soccer, Man City defender Kyle Walker had a sex party during coronavirus. I don't know why you got to specify it as a sex party.
Well, it was a party for sex. Do we know that was a party for sex? Or was it just a party? Two guys, two girls who happen to be sex workers hanging out.
Do they have to? Like, that's kind of insulting to say just because you're a sex worker for your job, that means that you're always having sex. That's not necessarily how it is.
I mean, I won't disagree. We can't just jump to conclusions that having a party with multiple prostitutes then means it's a sex party.
Right. It's like us.
Yeah, we're big sports fans. We like talking about sports, but just because the Super Bowl is on, that doesn't mean that we're going to be watching sports.
So wait, so was it under 10 people? It was four people. Oh, so then what's the deal?

Not even an orgy.

Not even an orgy. If anything, he was practicing all the CDC guidelines, right?

The shitty party.

Yeah, he was probably helping the girls out because he knew that maybe if he didn't call them over to his house,

they would go to some place that was like a bigger sex party with 10 or 12 people.'m reading this right now yeah this is this isn't even close to a sex party it's a sex date yeah and just because just because this guy kyle walker broke up with his girlfriend annie kilner because he got a model lauren goodman pregnant doesn't mean that this guy's just obsessed with sex all the time okay so i don't know why that was necessary to even throw into the article about it agreed agreed agreed um okay that was talking soccer that was big time sports news i felt good to to talk a little sports there for a second don't talk enough about how there's a team that's just straight up called man city like a man cave but bigger they uh and they they win a lot. Although they're,

they're actually,

this is actually something that I don't know what actually Rob Manfred actually said that if the baseball season doesn't happen,

AJ Hinch has time served and man cities in a similar situation where I

think they have a champions league band for like two years.

So if this goes on forever, they could basically never have a band.

That's why Iona hired Rick Pitino.

Yeah.

Did you see, by the way, Rick Pitino here?

Now we're really talking sports.

Rick Pitino and his son Richard Pitino Jr.,

the littler of the Pitinos,

they made a bet on WrestleMania,

and the loser had to bring their team to the winner's home court next year,

Iona and Minnesota.

Oh, I like that.

That's pretty cool, right?

Yeah.

Pretty cool.

So you have to schedule that stuff like three years in advance?

No, there's always open dates.

Obviously, you're not playing Xbox 360 with college football

and college basketball, dude.

You can change around the schedule all you want. You got to lock in, obviously, your conference games, but come on.
Well, with the exception of Notre Dame, Alabama in 2045, which, you know, the weekend that's going to be on. Right.
Don't schedule a wedding that day. Right.
But, yeah, it's kind of the Patinos making things fun. I like it.
Yeah, get them back involved. I mean, i could see you can't you can't make rick sit out post seasons for stuff that he did like four or five years ago after we're getting over what's that i think you can no it's not in the middle of a national crisis like this this is when we all have to pull together instead of just pointing fingers at each other so i as far as i'm concerned unless you're in prison for murder or rape just like clean slate after this it would actually be nice chances it would actually be nice for uh cuomo to have rick patino at one of his press conferences just have him handle some questions for old time's sake yeah i mean i think the two of them probably have a lot in common i feel like cuomo rick patino is probably a nipple ring guy yeah oh yeah big time nipple ring guy.
If he doesn't have him, he loves him. Did you see the actual graphic I tweeted out yesterday from Cuomo's press conference? He said, personal opinion, I want all this to be over.
Thank you, sir. That was actually a slide next to him while he was giving his press conference.
Sorry if offends but i'm sick of this bullshit i fucking he's writing like he's writing very sad poetry yeah uh on his powerpoints um all right let's do our mount flushmore then we'll get to billy deep dive with billy we're doing the mount flushmore of smells uh we have done the mount rushmore of smells i think sports smells did we not yeah probably yeah i think just smells i think we did the mount rushmore smell so this is the mount flushmore smells uh hank it is monday so it is your pick first number one overall pick will be rotten milk expired milk yeah okay big time big time bad smell and it's one of those It's worse worse when you don't think about it you don't think it's coming and you're like oh i'm gonna have a bowl of cereal and then you're like you open it up and it just hits you and you're like oh fuck this is expired it's also one of those smells like some of these smells you can avoid that's one of those smells that to if you see a milk is expired you will go smell it like you will go take in a big sniff of it and then just be floored by it. Yeah, I'll even do the thing where I pour a little bit of the expired milk.
I don't know it's expired yet, but I pour into the coffee and then it comes up to the top and it's all curdled and grimy. And I'll see that it's rotten and then I'll have to get a smell in too.
Okay, PFT? My first one, I'm actually that hank didn't take this first overall burnt hair burnt hair is an awful smell if it's like on a candle at a restaurant you accidentally leave your hand over it for a little bit too long whatever the circumstances may be if you smell burnt hair you know exactly what it is and you hate it burnt i got something i feel like that's something that a person with long hair like yourself would deal with more than someone like me or Big Cat because I didn't even think about that. You strain your hair.
Blowing out candles on birthday cakes, the hair gets on there. Yeah, your hair just gets stuck in like a random candle and stuff.
Yeah, I don't trust myself with fire, so I tend to avoid that at all costs. But, yeah, I could imagine if you have hair that's down to like your waist and you're cooking over an open flame, that could could happen a lot.
But yeah, it's a terrible, terrible smell. And it fills the room too.
It very quickly will expand. Okay, my first pick, I'm going to go with a bottle of dip spit left in your car or anywhere, and then you open it up after a day or two, especially if it's in the sun.
That is one of the worst smells in the world um and then great i'm what are you gonna say pft no i was gonna say agreed strong agree if you have dip spit and you just leave it out you're an animal gross yeah it's an animal move um i'm gonna go with my second one uh the no smell when you have no smell because you have the coronavirus and you might die that's a really shitty smell to have when you can't smell i guess you're the negative guy today well we're we're we're using a baton here pft just handed it to me okay pft your next update big cat with just no smell the absence of smell entirely because you have coronavirus not you know obviously there are people who like oh i have a stuffy nose no big cat said no smell yeah that was your answer no smell. Yeah.
That was your answer. Well, I said no smell because of coronavirus.
I said no smell. No smell.
Dog poop while you're indoors. So dog poop outside is bad.
But if you smell dog poop and you're sitting somewhere with a roof over your head, you know that the situation is really fucked up. Something bad has happened.
And you have to clean something to clean something up yes yes feces out of water is it's bad uh i have two i will go with your buddy's hockey bag okay yep that's a big one if you have a roommate that like plays hockey it's terrible or like if you ever get in their car and their hockey bags in their trunk it's just like you, you have to have the windows down at all times. I don't get how hockey bags, like, it's just a thing though.
It's just like, Oh yeah, I have a hockey bag. It's the worst smelling thing on planet earth.
Yep. That's just like the norm.
Yep. Agreed.
And then I'll go with like someone else's shit when it's fresh. Like if you're in a, let's say you're in like an airport or like you walk in the bathroom and someone just walked out of the stall, but you're too late.
So it's like you just get in, but you have to just sit there and like deal with it. That is the worst thing in the world.
And it's even worse when you know the person. Like if you if I see you big cat walking out of the bathroom as I'm walking in.
What the fuck? It's happened. Why me? It's happened.
It's happened. Wait, are you talking about the solo bathroom even just the bathroom at work it's like oh then you then it hasn't happened because i don't shit and i don't shit in those other bathrooms at work i go to the solo bathroom okay all right but that's the worst yes it is the worst i was just using you as an example yeah it is weird that like your own poop and your own farts can smell good from time to time but uh somebody that you know slightly their poop and farts smell way worse than a stranger's poop and farts yeah yes yes big time big time all right your pick my third pick is going to be uh alcohol on someone else's breath especially when you're not expecting it that's it's always like a little jarring and you secretly look down on that person but then you're like i i've been that person probably a hundred million times in my life i think it has to be when you're sober though if you're also drunk it doesn't matter as much but when you're sober it is the worst that's what i'm getting at unexpected alcohol in somebody else's breath is sweating, like sweating out of their pores.

Yeah.

And they,

and they're in,

it also is a deadly combo because they're usually,

if they're drunk and you're sober,

they're usually talking really too close to you.

Yes.

So it's like the double whammy there.

All right.

My last two,

I will go with,

um,

Hmm.

I'll go with a dead body.

That probably is dead.

That's,

that's a bad smell. Real, real bad smell.
Like a dead decaying body. Can you with a dead body that probably that's that's a bad smell real real bad smell like a dead decaying body gross smell the dead body i mean i've smelled animal dead bodies yeah carcasses gross is that the same though yeah i'm sure they're similar they're very similar right i mean dead bodies and and dead bodies a dead body a lot about dead bodies yeah it seems like you may or may not have experienced this with your own two nostrils.
Plead the fifth. Plead the fifth.
PFT actually said that I'm out of jail after all this. No, I said unless you're a murderer.
Well, first degree? You're accused of murder. Third degree? All right.
My last one will be kind of similar to PFTs, but coffee breath.

When someone has coffee breath and they won't, like, you don't know the one person who just has coffee breath and gets way too close.

And they're usually just the one person in your office that will never be aware of the fact they have terrible breath.

But that stale, old coffee breath is gross.

All right, my last one, this is going to be kind of controversial.

Just kids.

Thank you. stale old coffee breath is gross all right um my last one this is gonna be kind of controversial just kids kids are typically very smelly things i don't know if it's one of those things where your own kid smells better to you than somebody else's kid yeah i just don't think i don't think how often you're on kids yeah that's weirder than the dead body.
You're smelling kids? No, kids definitely have a smell to them. I honestly don't know the last time I've been in a vicinity of a kid.
I used to work in a daycare situation, so maybe that's where I got it all from. Yeah, I mean, like poopy diapers smell.
But kids, I don't know. I mean, my kid smells when he shits himself, he does it like four times a day like father like son i think there's a difference also between babies

infants and kids yeah probably like babies i think smell good right some kids yeah babies smell good

i guess it it's kind of one of those i think kids are are very similar to like adults where there

will just be kids that don't have good hygiene yeah true uh hank what was your last one

Thank you. I think kids are very similar to like adults where there will just be kids that don't have good hygiene.

Yeah, true.

Hank, what was your last one?

My last one is the poison gas in Call of Duty Warzone.

So like in the game, as the circle closes, there's like poison gas where if you're not inside the circle, it kills you.

And there's been two times in the past two nights where like instead of getting killed, I just because i get poison gassed and it's just embarrassing and it's it's tough to deal with that's a bad one that's about what we missed big time eggs eggs rotten eggs yeah the smelly train which is kind of like it's it could basically just be bo slash poop but like when you get on the train you're like oh sick a seat and then you're like oh that's why there's a seat um i had one dogs i wet dogs i had one specific one that's very gross that that i don't know if if uh anyone there's probably a few people who are listening can relate but stella has uh like has to get her anal glands expressed every couple months that is the most disgusting smell like of all time i just didn't pick it because i've one i'm embarrassed that i like know what it is and two i think a lot of people probably have no clue what i'm talking about right now no it's it's a pretty common thing for dogs but just the term anal glands i take her to the vet now for it thank god used to do it on own, which was horrific. Now it's like $30 to just take her every couple months,

but it's fucking terrible.

Embrace debate.

It's the only thing that makes you cry, but do onions smell bad?

No.

No.

But it makes you cry.

I don't even think the smell makes you cry.

I think it's the stuff going into your eyes.

Also, sautéing onions is like the greatest smell

ever yeah some butter yeah hank so it's not the smell i don't think that makes you cry it's like onion particles that go into your eyes if you wear goggles when you're cutting onions i don't think that you cry interesting all right yeah so that's why i didn't put it on my list um like if you know a food that makes you cry like that's bad yeah old seafood fish yeah some fishes i was a busboy in a crab restaurant for a summer and that's a smell that you don't get out from under your fingernails for months also um just the in the middle of the summer basically just the street on of new york like it's it's you know when you hit that corner and you're and it's you'll usually be like a little bit of liquid in the gutter and maybe like a dead rat or something and it just all and then there's some garbage and it all combines to the worst smell of all time it's the garbage wind yeah yeah hot garbage wind that hits you and it's just like a wall of pain but there's also that weird you know you'll have that discharge liquid sitting there that's been sitting there for a week because there hasn't been a rain and a dead rat and it just it's a perfect storm of bad smells rats in general would go on that list too you remember the rat cave that was right around the right around the corner from our old office oh it smelled so bad oh okay the rat there were a couple nights that we'd driving he is yeah rats and pigeons are probably having a field day right now right yes well not a lot of people around it to just like throw food everywhere but there's garbage like my apartment building is throwing away more garbage than i've ever seen come out of this building ever before because everyone's just doing all we're doing all day if you're not doing something that's creating more garbage you're probably just asleep yes yes that's true that's true okay let's finish up with billy football or deep dive with billy football before we do that though uh the schedule for this week we're doing wide receivers on wednesday so everyone get your takes ready to go top 100 and uh we're doing the wide receiver class and then on friday we are going to review the garbage kicking field goal kicker the Tony Danza movie we talked about a couple months ago someone sent it to us on VHS and we are going to put it on YouTube so that everyone can watch it on a burner and then we will review that movie and then keep sending us what you want us to review whether it it be a movie documentary. We will do it every single Friday.

So let's get to Billy before we do that.

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Okay, we got Billy on. We're doing our deep dives, Monday deep dives in place of Monday readings.
We have a different topic every week. Send them to Billy's Twitter, what you want us to talk about.
Billy, what's your Twitter again? At Billy Hot Takes. It's got a very small follower count right now, but is real i promise um so i'll be posting like maps of the links i go to and um uh like uh so you can see what i'm looking at and also there if i like say something totally false i'll add corrections um also dm me it'll be for apologies for absolutely screwing things up yes now do those on the previous week um also um i've been trying to donate i think i had corona and beat it so i've been trying to figure out how to donate my antibodies in some way like blood um i've been trying to you know figure it out all week and all the lines are clogged up so if anyone anyone has information on that or knows anybody, also slide into my DMs.

Just mail it to the office.

Can you just not fill up like a Ziploc bag filled with blood

and then just send it to the hospital?

Just write it to science.

Actually, you know what?

Just do it in a bunch of different envelopes

so maybe one of them will get to the right place. Send it to every blood bank in America.
I think my blood's valuable. Please take it.
Yes. So today we're going to start on Vikings.
I just started this by Googling Vikings because I think they're sick and there's probably sick facts about them. And this one goes, this one's pretty crazy so hold on to your seats right how about wait billy how about what if what if pft or big cat tells say what their knowledge of vikings are and you can fact check them oh wait what's up okay uh vikings would just go everywhere and like in our word a lot of people and kill a lot of people yeah red.
Red skin. They would do that a lot.
Speaking of red skins, the, um, there's actually a couple of diseases that are linked to Vikings that has been chose their spread across. And one of them has to do with cirrhosis of the face.
Um, not cirrhosis. Like you have ready, red, bright red face.
Okay. Um, eczema.
Yeah. It's like, you know, like the...
Acne. Alcoholism.
Exactly. It appears in alcoholics a lot.
Okay, so PFT, what do you know? They got the... They wear the hats that have horns.
They don't have horns. That's a lie.
What? Plot twist. Okay, tell us.
That was like... I actually didn't figure that out on this, but there's like no Vikings with like horns.
Have you ever seen a cartoon? Yeah. What about the logo, the Vikings logo? Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I'm not sure if that's real. You know like the Skyrim? Yeah, no, it's different.
But yeah, they like had advanced like social laws, and like they basically had like a form of socialism before like Karl Marx so that's pretty cool what year were vikings like doing their thing um basically from pre-roman times to 1066 and 1066 is insane i'm getting that to that too oh what happened 1066 that sounds juicy just wait till yeah dude it's this is be insane. That's a dynasty for sure.
That's a thousand years. Pre-Roman to like crazy stuff.
Also, where were they? Where were they? They were in Norway. So, you know, the Vikings, they, so like a bunch of Vikings, they just basically, it was way too cold and they were like, this place sucks.
Let's go find other places because a bunch of like non-firstborn sons were like, yo, dad gave the farm to the firstborn son. I got nothing.
I'm going to go find stuff. Got it.
They went to Iceland. They colonized Iceland.
And then this dude, Eric the Red, basically catfished everybody and said and said yo there's a better island called greenland which actually wasn't green it was icier than iceland and that's why greenland in iceland totally should have switched names um isn't isn't iceland just like a mistranslation where it really just means island maybe okay i like the catfish way more yeah the catfish for greenland is real i think where eric the red was like no it's really nice there so so like i'm reading all about vikings and like how did these guys not conquer the world that wasn't the native americans and 1066 so 1066 there's three names that you gotta know here because it's going to get confusing. There's Harold Godwinson, who is the Saxons, basically English.
There was Harold Hadrata, who is the Viking king. So we're going to call Harold Godwinson H-God for all intents and purposes.
And then the last guy is William the Conqueror, who's like the most famous of the Billys, in my opinion.

So straight up, go Billy.

He probably did with his boys.

They're like, yo.

But 1066 was like March Madness, how many battles happened.

There was like multiple battles back to back.

Like, so like I'll give you the condensedense first harold godwin's h god fought

harold the horrible harold hydrata at the battle of stanford bridge and then got back on the road down to hastings and in the battle of hastings got absolutely collapsed by william the conqueror but let me tell you what happened in the battle so we're not gonna talk about battle of hastings because it was just a bloodbath.

So Harold H. God,

Harold Hadrata,

the horrible landed in northern england like northumberland is called and basically they got to this bridge and both armies were on either side of the bridge and the bridge like pretty slow so like pretty like um slim so it was like two men like three men could. So hair.
So there was this, so like they were fighting this dude, this fricking giant ax man on the Vikings took on the whole English army. And this dude like legit took on the whole army and no one could kill them.
They weren't going to win the battle. They killed this one giant Viking dude with a giant battle ax that like, so he ended up getting killed.
And the only way they could kill him was a dude in a half barrel floated down the river and with a giant spear stabbed him up through the bridge. And this dude had no idea.
He was just actually bodying everybody, throwing dudes off bridges. And he just like was staying there and just got freaking in the tank.
And then probably it was going upward and that was the only way they killed them. And like, that's like the original offsides.
Like you can't like, you know what I'm saying? Like he went under the bridge. Yeah.
Line of scrimmage. Love the war.
Yeah, no. But then the Vikings were like, yo, throw the flag.
What are you doing? And then the English just took advantage of it, like free play, and like messed them up. And I'm like, the Vikings were like, yo, dude.
And the giant had held off because there was a sneak attack by the English. He held off the whole army on this bridge for enough time for the reinforcements from the boats to come.
So then – sounds like the 300 where if you force your like an outnumbered enemy into a really narrow place to fight you can kind of level the playing field a little bit yeah so this one giant dude so the battle was they beat the vikings but it was pretty close up until the the stabbing with the giant spear so the like they said that the fields were white with bones for the next 200 years whoa yeah so then the english like we're like we've never seen a warrior like this before like they couldn't bury him he didn't get a viking burial because the vikings couldn't gather their dead so you know when they put him on a boat and they light him on fire that's a a Viking in the water. So then the English were trying to bury this dude.
Have you got to that scene in Game of Thrones, Jet PFT? Which one? The Viking funeral with Edmure? All right. They just blew up the dude's ship using all that weird green liquid inside the ghost ship.
Oh, yeah. Oh, wait.
That's based on a real thing called Greekreek fire which is actually pretty sick we'll talk about i called that i was like that that empty ship it's a bomb boom so um then the they couldn't bury this dude they couldn't use a coffin because they the only built coffins six and a half feet and they use the same feet as we do today. And this dude was like, we couldn't find a coffin for him.

He was at least like seven to eight feet tall, this guy.

And he wasn't like a, he wasn't like a, they said he had giant's blood.

Like he was like a half giant. He's like, he has giant's blood.

Like this is why, but the, what was I saying?

So then I was like, what?

And they were talking about he went berserker mode and held off.. Turns out, well, no, there's this whole warrior cult that is pre-Christianity, pre-Thor North mythology.
And it's based off of hunter's magic where they worship bears and wolves. So they were first.
So the berserkers, the berserker gang, which is like- Like sicko mode? Yeah, like sicko mode. Absolute sicko mode.
So these were first, so the berserkers, the berserker gang, which is like sicko mode. Yeah.
Like sicko mode. Absolutely.
So these were first described by this dude, um, this Roman, uh, general whose name is Trajan. Who's like, imagine like Julius Caesar, uh, like, like little Caesars type, you know, Roman dude.
And he was like, yo, this, these, these warriors would just fight us naked in no formations in one or two like small groups like not like their armies would stand back and just send five crazy mother crazy dudes like at their shields and would break up whole shield formations there's like they're like the fiercest fighters who felt no pain no fire like would feel nothing so like basically i was reading the descriptions unsullied yeah imagine adam feeling like injected with rabies and like on molly because these guys were they were just west welker yeah they were like foaming at the mouth and they would bite their shields and these guys would go nuts and like so what else they would do is they so i was like singing out this like you know these guys are absolute like psychos like like how do i go berserker hypothetically in a hypothetical situation where i would need to go berserker because like i'm reading about these dudes like like getting off the line yeah getting off the line of scrimmage this is like absolutely like you talk about athletes in the zone like these guys were in like the deepest zone like ever they would describe after the battles these guys would curl up into little balls and just start crying like infants and like would be have no strength but meanwhile like during the battles they would display super strength and like like uh they this would even happen when they were working so if they would like lift full like tree logs like of giant trees because they'd go berserker when they had to like build big ships so these like so basically i researched this like a ton like how the hell did these guys do what they did and it's's either three things, genetic mental illness, huge consumptions of alcohol with genetic variances, or magic mushrooms or other naturally occurring hallucinogens. Now this is where it gets interesting.
By the way, berserkers still have influences today. All the kings in Europe wanted to be guarded by berserkers.
And the English guards today, you know, with the big furry hats. Yeah.
It's bears fur. It's an ode to the berserkers who just fight naked with bear hoods on.
And like, it's the source of like werewolf mythology. Like, these guys were the OG werewolves.
Billy, I was going to say, this sounds a lot like PCP.

You always hear stories of people that smoke PCP and they think that they're Superman. They're walking down the street naked and they're punching fences down and they're throwing cop cars out of the way.
They're just walking down the street and they're just going crazy. That sounds like berserker mode to me.
Yeah, dude. It's absolutely insane.
So then like I was like looking at it wasn't actually magic mushrooms,

like psilocybin, but it was like other naturally occurring drugs and the herbs in Scandinavia or whatever. So I was like, whoa, I need to start researching like the properties of these things because like, look, I'm not a drug guy.
I don't do drugs. We already have a drug guy.
I'm not a guy so i know one guy who uses uh mushrooms and he's like he's this dude he's like a family friend he's basically like another grandfather he's like salt of the earth in the original sense of the word like ex-lobsterman from maine like he's super old right now he's on oxygen because he smoked too many cigs and like awesome guy like like he's taught me so much about everything but now he's like got super bad arthritis so he actually he's like a blue collar guy like he's not a hippie but like he started to advocate for medical marijuana for his arthritis because he has like two replaced hips and he was telling me about how he like started to get like what he thought was dementia he's getting forgetful so he started microdosing psilocybin mushrooms and he was so i called him i was like yo like tell me about psilocybin mushrooms like oh they like saved my brain like um and he told me about all the research they have and how he's advocating for it as well to be legal in micro doses in certain like in a medical way by the way i'm not in all way people to do mushrooms or anything. Don't sue me or something.
I have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm not a doctor.
Also, he's talking about what is this? Viking mushrooms, which doesn't even really drugs to go berserker, berserker mode, dude, just pick up one of those black medic kits from doom? Because that's the berserker pack, right?

Dude,

like this is,

this is where I got ADHD and went totally off tangent.

Cause I was like,

no way.

Oh,

this is,

this is where it happened.

Wait,

Billy.

All right.

I'm going to get us back on track here.

I got some questions that you can answer.

Vikings,

good or bad.

Um,

really good inventions and seafaringness and like, but you know, if you like held them to modern standards, terrible people. Okay.
Uh, good answer. Um, what inventions did the Vikings have that we still use today? A lot of stuff in naval, a lot of naval stuff.
Okay. Yeah.
Ships. Sh yeah ships ships um did they drink out of skulls

yeah definitely they drank out of corns oh by the way they also had various poets like they considered poetry back then like like we consider rappers today and these dudes would

diss each other and like they'd all get up in the beer hall or beer halls or whatever they're big

like halls and they just like the royal like king poet and he just get up there and just like

Thank you. and like they'd all get up in the beer hall or beer halls or whatever.
They're big like halls and they just like the royal like king poet and he'd just get up there and just like spit and just like – They would roast each other? Yeah, they'd roast each other and all sorts of stuff. So anyway, so I got on to the mushrooms.
How does it wrap up, Billy? This is how it wraps up. So like I've been thinking a lot about the future of football okay okay here we go let's land this plane baby and i was like what's the biggest threat to

football besides the very obvious c c c o v id word um because so i was like it's like physical

damage and mental damage and we're finding huge stridesides in CBD for like physical, like physical pain stuff. Like Gronk's been talking about a lot, of course.
And then I've been thinking about concussions because like thing about concussions is like concussion protocol may work, but no one wants to go into concussion protocol. Right.
No one wants to sit in a dark room and miss all their classes and like have to catch up on homework and like teachers like oh like concussions like even teachers don't take concussions seriously like yo you still have to do all the work that you missed and it's kind of like no one actually wants to put themselves in that situation it's like oh like sorry i got concussed week five professor like can i please you know like maybe skip my midterm because i haven't been able to study for it and they're like no you have to retake it and it's just like but i'm like stupid right now right what you're saying is that if you take mushrooms immediately after getting a concussion you can alleviate some of these symptoms i'm not saying that but if they do the research and develop a drug where it's like okay this would actually speed up the process and you don't have to take stupid impact tests and stuff i mean mean, they really work. I know there's like a lot of science behind them, but they're just so annoying.
Like, like the shapes and stuff. It's so annoying.
So, so essentially Vikings might have cured concussions and say football. Yeah, dude, think about it.
These berserkers definitely had CTE and like a lot of them lived to super old ages and wrote the sagas that were about themselves. So like these guys were, you know, copious mentis enough to write about themselves when they were old.
Yeah. Are you saying that Beowulf, like that was written by somebody under the influence of mushrooms? Hypothetically.
Yeah. I mean, that would make sense.
You know? I like it, Billy. I like it.
It's a good deep dive. Yeah, so, like, let's, like, if we can, like, use Viking, you know, like, medicine to, like, cure CTE, but, like, actually do put it through all the tests and stuff, like, that would be, like, we could save football and, like, generations of, you know, people can play football more and enjoy the sport that, like, honestly unites America more than anything, now beautiful thank you billy i couldn't say better myself i let me let me just i'll finish here uh before we end the episode but i think it's just a simple elevator pitch yo science ever thought about berserker mode it is exactly right and and and that is our show billy thank you everyone tweet bill tweet Billy what you want to hear about next week maybe we'll tweet something very specific so we stay on topic but this was great I like going all over the place I'm thinking biohacking next week okay there you go can you give me a sneak preview of that because it it sounds interesting.
Just like a bunch of dudes.

All for the gram.

Bitches love the gram.

Love you guys.

I don't need no breaks. Take me on me Take me on Take me on me Take me on me Take me on me Something needless to say I hope I said it.
But I'll be stumbling away.

Slowly learning that life is okay.

Say after me.

At least I'm ready to be safe than sorry.

Take on me.

Take on me.

Take on me. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Is in love Just a day that worries away You're all the things I've got to remember Are you shying away? I'll be coming for you anyway Take on me Take on me Take me Take on me.
Take on me.

Take on me.

Take on me.

Take on me.

Take on me.

Take me.

Take on me. Take on me.
Take me. I'm me.
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