Joe Buck + Oliver Hudson, Mt Flushmore of Animals, And King Of Kong Fistful Of Quarters

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On today's part of my take, we have Joe Buck and Oliver Hudson, who is brother of Kate Hudson, son of Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, and also a really fucking cool guy. We'd never met him him we interviewed both of them because they have a new podcast out Joe Buck was great as always even though he's still trying to make playoff Damien happen and also we just wanted to invite to Oliver Hudson's family reunion so we can just cast the rest of Boner Dogs exactly so we have that interview we have Fyre Fest of the Week.
We have a great Mount Flushmore, and we are reviewing King of Kong, Fistful of Quarters, one of the greatest documentaries ever created that doesn't get enough shine. You can watch it on YouTube if you want to.
If you haven't seen it yet, you want to pause it and watch it. It's a quick watch, but it is incredible.
So we're going to review that at the end, and also roast. We haven't done roast in a while.
a while before we do all of that though ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working nah neither has ariot ariot work jackets and boots are packed with all the cold stopping waterproof protection you need to get the job done under any conditions so you can take any job out there and always deliver check out a Ariat in your local workwear retailer or visit

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The other day, I did an open that was viewed 2.4 million times in different places and used illegally in a bunch of places, too. So we've been planning this for a long time.
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So that is the new disclaimer that Mike Francesa has put out there. This is basically the biggest sports news of the day, that Mike Francesa has decided that the show that no one is watching or listening to, he is going to decide that the one Twitter account that covers him and puts his clips out there can no longer do so.
So the show that no one listens to now, no one listens to. It's the MLB model.
Yes. Yeah.
If he was smart, he would just start his own Twitter account for his own show. But I guess he sunk a lot of production costs into doing the mics on app and all that stuff.
So he probably doesn't have that much money left to spend on it. Although he gets paid, what, like a million dollars a year? A couple million dollars a year? I don't know.
I mean, he only does like a 30-minute show now. But it's so funny because this is, you know, we're in a weird time.
Everyone wants content. We're all stuck inside of our homes and mike francesa

was like hey you know what's a good idea to make sure that my content is even less accessible to the people wait neither i mean either of you guys are recording oh well now we're recording correct i think we have to do that again no we should be fine right keep this in keep this in wait did we record yeah i got the uh i have the backup so we should be good all right yeah

we're good so i. That's on you guys at this point for not reminding us to click record.
So we almost Mike Franceses ourselves by doing an entire show where no one could listen to it because we forgot to record. Not even us.
That's how seriously we take keeping our content private is that we won't even let ourselves put it out. Yeah, people don't even know we actually do this show every day, but on the off days, we don't record it.
We just talk. Sometimes we just do it just for the sake of art.
So we're here. It's Friday.
It's still Groundhog Day. Is it? It's not Friday.
No, it's not. The days are not – they're all together.
I feel better. I actually do feel there is still that, like, feeling of, hey, we're ending a work week, but there's nothing good on the other end of it.
Let's embrace debate. What day of the week does it always feel like? Because it always feels like Sunday.
Is every day a Tuesday? Is every day a Wednesday? Because it's not a Saturday, and it's definitely not a friday no i i'm monday either though because like i don't i don't go to sleep at night dreading waking up the next morning i think the schedule is now this it is sunday sunday so starting with saturday it's sunday sunday monday tuesday tuesday tuesday friday i don't think that there is no there's no there's no friday still exists there's There's no Friday. I think it goes Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Friday.
I don't think that there is a Monday. There's no Friday.
Oh, Monday still exists. There's no Friday.
I think it goes Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Thursday is the new Sunday.
No, Friday still exists because it's like the end of the content week. Okay, we don't have a show for a couple days.
Like, don't have to do this, don't have to do that. There still is that.
It's justiday is only like from four o'clock to like seven there's that little bit of friday feel and then it just goes right into sunday the thing is like every day of the week feels like a friday after five o'clock because you want to have a couple drinks and then a couple drinks turns into three or four drinks alcohol consumption is going way up in america yes are talking about having Corona babies. There are going to be Corona livers in about three or four months.
Yeah, this is, so yeah, we're here. I don't know what else you guys get.
Like what else we had, we had an early take quake of the year with Jemele Hill. That was, that's making waves.
What did you say? Well, Robert Kraft went to China and got a bunch of uh masks for uh the hospitals i think in massachusetts and chamele hill hold on i'm gonna pull it up just because i don't want to miss you like the patriots plane to china like had to clear like all these restrictions like really went out above and beyond to like help the people of massachusetts 1.7 n95 masks and the n95 masks are actually the masks that they use in hospitals that are very much needed we're not talking about like the masks that you see everyone wearing when they're walking down the street she quote tweeted and said this is where i remind people that robert craft is friends with donald trump and gave to his campaign it's incredible for the craft families doing this but but hope they understand their money helped empower their friend, quote-unquote friend. I feel like we're at the point in time where it's like any good deed that can help the greater cause here, let's just let it be a good deed.
Well, it's especially egregious considering that he could go right down the street to Chris Sale and be like, hey, Chris, can you cut up some more MLB jerseys to use his masks? And then – Yeah. That would probably outfit like a couple million people right there.
Laramie Tunsil, by the way. I said I wasn't going to make a joke about it, but you've twisted my arm.
You can't help yourself. Yep.
Laramie. He is donating like 50,000 masks too.
And it's like, come on. The guy – I saw you on draft night.
I saw what kind of masks you're going to donate. But still, good for you.
I saw Ford is doing a good thing. Ford's converting their assembly line into making some ventilators.
Do you think that if you're in the hospital, let's say you're in the hospital and you're like a diehard Chevy racing fan. You've got like the Ford Calvin pissing on the Ford logo on the back of your Silverado, and they hook you up to a ford ventilator do you say no thank you i think you probably have your uh wife or girlfriend or probably ex-wife more spot on uh put some duct tape over it so you can't see it be like here just get that i'm gonna let it save my life but i'm not gonna be happy about it are you just like put a strip of electric tape and you write sucks on it? So it says Ford sucks on the ventilator.
Or maybe they're selling actual like Calvin pissing stickers that you can just like insert into any ventilator that you need to. Yeah.
There's another good piece of news that came out today, or it was more just a good visual. It was Andy Reid chopping up some film in quarantine.
Did you picture yep in his shorts feeling good in his shorts always he's got a camel toe on his knee that's how like that's how long ago Andy Reid had ACL surgery it was back probably in the 70s when he just took an axe to it and they said okay you're good to go the only thing that that bummed me out about that picture is I just I didn't need the visual of Andy Reid sitting there without a like industrial sized Purell bottle I just figure everything in Andy's house it's like Pee Wee Herman's house everything's oversized for him so I was a little upset about that I wanted like a 10 gallon Purell bottle that he's pumping away at all day while he's cutting up film a bird bath filled with hand sanitizer would be a great visual I did notice that he's got's got two packs of gum on his desk. And what that told me was this is a man that has not been allowed by his wife to go to the grocery store and buy dip.
When he's got everything that he can possibly chew just strewn across his desk. Listen, as someone who's living it right now, there's usually not a lot of dip in the house.
So it's definitely become a different beast altogether. So what's your vice now? I'm actually a little bit concerned about you, Cap, because you can't.
Late in the night, yeah. You can't gamble.
Yeah, I just dip late in the night. You weren't much of a drinker to begin with.
You can't dip during the day. The horses are still running.
What do you do? The horses are still running. I watch the horses.
But, yeah, I just kind of exist. I've been a lot of being a dad which is uh you know it's a thing it's fun it's fun although my yes that's great my son no i actually very much are you upset though that you're not going to get any credit for like being around so much because he's so young he's not going to remember it no but i'll remember i'll always be like i was around the whole time when we were fighting coronavirus.
I was on the front lines.

No, but it actually is crazy.

There's like just watching a little kid grow day to day

is fucking mind-blowing.

And he also opened up my Xbox the other day

and flinged my NCAA 14 game and it's all scratched up.

So I'm really living it.

Like it's good.

We're making memories.

Speaking of NCAA 14, we started a part of my Take Twitch channel too,

which is basically all I've been doing is playing video games.

Dude, this quarantine though, for real, it is crazy.

And I know this is getting too much into dad life,

but it's crazy to watch a child, the progression they make.

When quarantine started, he was not crawling.

Now he's pretty much in college.

He's just been watching his dad and trying to be like papa yeah he's just been doing the whole thing which by the way we have to remind me we had a time we're gonna when we get to king of kong's fistful of quarters all-time scene when when steve weeby's son is like come wipe my ass and he's like dude i'm i'm about to break the record and i was like yo i know exactly how he's feeling right now that's gonna be me in five years when i'm watching some game in overtime being like holy shit i have to i have to get this underdog home and he's like come wipe my ass dad's like sorry can't do it um that yeah that's that sounds like it's probably both entertaining and also frustrating at times being the the father of an infant going through this it's it's one of those things and i and i'm sure i'm speaking to some of our audience here i think there are two americas right now the quarantined america without children and the quarantined america with children the quarantined america without children it's essentially like you're back in college you just can't go out and the quarantine uh life with children is like holy shit uh doing like juggling a job and a child all day long is a fucking lot of work right i'd say not so much like college it's more like being in white collar prison for me right now which is not if you're going to be in a prison white collar jail is the way to go so it's like being it's like being grounded in a suburban house like a nice suburban it's just like you're grounded but like you you can you can do whatever you have in your bedroom yeah it's like being grounded in a nice finished basement yes eat all the candy you want you can watch tv but you still can't go up yeah you can maybe sneak over to your friend's house but if you get caught you're in a deep you're in like a lot of shit so shout out from from my perspective shout out to all the uh the dads and moms out there who are trying to juggle work and uh being a parent it's it's it's fucking hard it's fucking hard i'm pretty my perspective shout out to everyone whose internal clock is all kinds of messed up right now and you're waking up at 10 a.m 11 a.m can't go to bed until like one two in the morning it's tough it's rough out here for us too yeah i always i actually think too much i actually think about and maybe not you as much pft because i think you might get up a little bit earlier but i think about hank when i'm on my second cup of coffee at like 8 15 in the morning and i'm like that motherfucker has still got like three hours of sleep left yeah yeah three hours till the ya yawns kick in. Yeah.
Like 9.30, 10 o'clock is when the alarms start going off. And I honestly, I wake up.
I see that nothing is going on. I'm like, all right, I'm going to go back to sleep.
Like, who cares? What's going to happen? So once we get to the other side of this, let's say fall rolls around. We might not have a vaccine for it yet, right? right so team sports might be tricky but i don't know if you saw this yesterday they canceled the british open the excuse me the open um one of the open championship the open championship one of the great times every year where guys who root for the course like us get to sit down and just watch a bunch of european golfers into seven foot tall weeds, right? They canceled it because obviously it was an issue right now.
Can't get on commercial flights or anything like that. Can't have a gallery.
It's tough to have like a bunch of production people set up to videotape and broadcast it. Why don't they do it like it was back in the pre-Titanic ages or back in like pre-World War II when people had to take steamships overseas and then there was no broadcasting at all.
There was no media there. Why don't you just have it be a golf tournament? Everyone keeps score and you have, I was saying just have like Norm MacDonald on Twitter walk around the course posting updates.
Okay. So let me make sure that I'm just going to deconstruct this idea here.
You want to have a sporting event where none of us get to watch it, but before none of us get to watch it, you're going to make everyone get on a cruise ship. No, no, no.
I'm saying the players, the athletes themselves. I know they're going to get on a ship.
I'm pretty sure Blake would not ride on Royal Caribbean. I'm pretty sure Blake kept going.
But you're going to get on a ship. That's what you said on Wednesday, Big Cat.
What? We can't be shaming. We're not shaming.
No, we're not shaming ideas. Well, I would like to – That's true.
No, I'll shame this idea because I want to watch. I won't shame any idea that gets me to watch sports.
I'll shame ideas that don't get me to watch sports. You could gamble on it, and you could have Norm MacDonald giving you updates.
Maybe he'd have a periscope going. Listen, I've gambled on a lot of things that I haven't been able to watch.
And if you gamble on something that you aren't able to watch, like, you know, you, you, you bet on a game. That's like, uh, I've been on like, uh, uh, Philippines basketball or basketball in like, uh, I think there's a league in nicaragua or something you if you lose and you can't watch it you just assume that you got like taken and that there was it never even happened and they just rigged it and stole your money so everyone would just be very upset myself included because of course i'd bet it and then when my stupid bet lost i'd be'd be like, wait, this is rigged.
This never actually even happened. Okay.
They could do one camera per hole. I'm fine.
Listen, if they wanted, if they did a periscope of a golf tournament, now you're talking now I'm in, but seeing, you know, having a golf tournament, just be played and not be able to watch it. Doesn't help me in my need to just watch a ball move around on my screen okay every caddy gets they have their phone out and they just do a periscope how about this every caddy wears like a police officer body cam and then they accidentally turn it off right before their guy hits out of bounds i know how that goes yeah i mean listen we we're gonna there's gonna need to be some innovation because i don't i don't know how they're gonna get team sports going in the speed that we needed to go because april i think we all agree april is a wash we're i think collectively as a country we're like april just didn't exist we're just gonna put our heads down and get through april if we get to may and they're like hey guess what nothing's changing that's when shit's gonna get bad we sleep in may but i think that we should consider doing something like my idea for at least the u.s open just having it be played with nothing with no fans yeah no fans is fine but you need the cameras like whatever type of camera you can have you can have one kit you can just use – you just take the fucking Goodyear blimp and you just use that camera the entire time.
That's fine. And then you have to say like computer enhance and zoom in on whichever golfer you want.
I'm all for that. We need a camera.
Your original idea with no camera doesn't work for me because I'm convinced we're not going to have fans for a year. So the no fans ship has really sailed.
Just give me a camera with a ball on the screen moving back and forth. But have a drone that just hovers behind each golfer with a camera that has like a GPS tracker on the ball.
This isn't difficult. If the USGA wants to talk to me, I'll take their call right now.
We'll hammer this out on the back of a napkin, and there will be a fucking U.S. Open that we can watch.

Yeah, I'm down for it.

I'm down for it.

Although, have they all been canceled?

Have they been pushed, suspended, or canceled?

The Open is, they have not made an official, the U.S. Open,

they have not made an official announcement.

The British Open, they did say that they're going to cancel. If they just, man, this is the problem is they need to stop canceling.

They just need to give, like we were talking about on Wednesday, thenesday the hope i lost the hope i'm trying to get the hope back but they need to someone needs to create like a hey if everyone can just hold out we're gonna put every single tournament like every other week in july and august and every single sporting event like we're gonna play the nba like it will be non-stop wall-to-wall sports for two months i could handle that just being like hey once we get there it's gonna be like the land before time when they come out and they see the fucking beautiful like whole world out there that's what we need in july and august i actually saw an idea i think matt jones or a good friend of the program tweeted this out that it's looking more and more like the springtime in college sports is going to be both football and basketball next year that would be crazy that would be nuts that would be fucking you know what's crack cocaine of a sports season the only the only sport i'm gonna make it till then i am like i'm not going to i know we're just we just we just keep like passing the baton of who's the most negative i think that's actually i know that people want to listen to this show and and have an escape but i think there also needs to be the reality where every single show we have someone's the designated downer because that's like if we don't do that then we're just realistic. And I think there's something to be said for the overly optimistic people who are,

it's the just the flu people who think that this is all going to pass in, like, two seconds.

I hate those people as much as I hate myself from Wednesday's show being, like, cancel everything.

Well, here's some coronavirus positivity.

Tommy Lasorda still alive.

Corona positivity of the night.

Also, shout out to Cabrona bro. Hank Lockwood representing online today.
Getting into some arguments, some hot ones. I got bored and I got mad.
Maybe that's the new sport. Maybe that's the new sport of America's pastime.
Just watching Clay Travis move the goalposts all summer long. That new past time i mean we if we can come up with some sort of metric to track how far he's moving them then then gamble on that that would be amazing um if you're on game cast right now watching it you're like wait how the fuck do they just how how do they have 80 more yards to go and they just had a 60 yard completion what the What the fuck is going on? Yeah, wind probability is going from 99% to 1% back and forth.
The chart's literally off the chart. A little perspective, though.
So it's good to have kind of a sobering mindset to look at this through analytics. And fortunately, in this day and age, we have one of those type of people named Darren Revell, who said the biggest issue facing many businesses right now is that they never modeled a scenario of zero revenue with no guarantee of a timeline for future revenue.
So that is talking business with part of my take. The big problem out there right now is when you go into business, you don't do so figuring how can my business make money when we're not making money.
Right. Like when you're making no money, but you need to be making money.
That's a problem. The new Stonks meme needs to just be Darren's avatar.
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limitations, and exclusions. Alright, should we do some Fyre Fest before we get to Joe Buck and

Oliver Hudson? Yeah, let's do it.

The only other sports notable thing

that I saw is Mellow Ball

actually pulling a big baller move.

He bought his

New Zealand team or his Australian team,

so that is a big baller move.

But then wouldn't that make us big ballers?

Wouldn't that make us big ballers?

Oh, that's crazy. Yeah, I guess it would.

But he also did it in a way where he was like,

I just want to like, you know, part of his dad's league,

like obviously he got shut down.

He's like, I've been a part of leagues that got shut down.

Like I want to make sure all my people are like protected,

which is for as young a kid as he is, as big a baller move as I've been a part of leagues that got shut down. I want to make sure all my people are protected, which is, for as young a kid as he is, as big a baller move as I've seen.
I can't wait to see LaMelo ball in the NBA. Especially in this economy.
He's going to be jacking shots from half court, and people are going to be like, are you serious, man? But Trey Young, though, it's like, he's going to be Trey Young. Yeah.
Now, maybe LaMelo bought this team. The way he played, like, four years ago when he was doing it in high school and it was from half-court, people were like, this is outrageous.
But now I feel like it's much more accepted. Yeah, he got 10,000 hours worth of shooting wild half-court shots in and he's become a master at it.
Just practice makes perfect. But I think that, like, buying the Australian team might be really, really good for him, especially considering, you know, how his dad tends to overshadow things.
Just send LeVar down there to be a coach or just put him on the roster. Yeah.
Half-court shots, by the way. I was watching Hoosiers.
I've been watching Hoosiers all week. And I was wondering...
How long does it take to watch Hoosiers? We're watching it during radio. So we watch it 20-minute times, and we actually don't even listen to it.

We just have Brandon Walker narrate it.

But anyway, I threw this out there.

If Steph Curry was in 1951 Indiana, do you think they would burn him as a witch?

Yeah, for sure.

Kyrie too.

He would never see the court.

He would never see the court.

He would never see the court.

They would probably actually just burn Kyrie for his weird beliefs before he even stepped foot on a basketball court. Although his beliefs might have been like cool in Indiana in 1951.
Be like, hey, the world's actually still flat. Yeah, maybe he would have been a genius though.
Maybe he would have been like, you know, there's this thing that I've thought of called evolution and they'd be like which and then they burn him. Question everything.
Alright, do we got for fire fest hank why don't you start uh my fire fest is kind of a two for one but uh pft like you were talking about your local businessman still being open the other day my guy is not i don't know what i'm gonna do but also like piggybacking off of that is i got you smoking in the way in that like, we're just, I'm just sitting in my like 700 square foot apartment all day, all night, every day, every night. Like the act of smoking, like isn't even fun anymore.
Like it's just lost its luster. I like, it's just like, it's a drug addict.
Not even, no, not even that. Like, not even like it used to be like, you know, you go to work and you come home and it's like smoke a bowl or whatever what i'm saying everything everything there is no like i'm gonna do this and then i'm gonna do this it's just like yeah every day it ruins nothing doing nothing is not fun anymore because you have to do something to do nothing and we do nothing so now nothing is nothing right it's not like my tolerance is so high that i just i've hit a limit it's just like i don't it's just it's not fun anymore yeah i think i got you i think what you need to start doing is just build a new piece to smoke out of every out of like different ingredients every time you smoke so like smoke have an apple and then later in the day get like a mountain dew bottle and a ballpoint pen and some aluminum foil you should oh here's what you should do hank similar to that but you should just go back in in like your uh smoking history start at like the beginning and and then just live your life like you were you know every single piece you had your entire life like start with yeah start with like uh can can yes go in the woods every day yes yes open up open up your own browsing history of smoking stuff and then eventually you know you'll you'll start to google new ways to smoke and you'll find out ways that you haven't even thought of and you'll come out of this thing stronger than before well with the back to the first part of it is that like my building like there's a there's a doorman and they're not letting deliveries come inside like they're not letting people in the building so i don't even know how like i think i'm just gonna stop smoking because i don't know how i'm gonna get it what probably not but okay yeah i don't think that's gonna happen nice try though all right what do you think let's take this offline what what's your fire fest pft my fire fest is i stopped pooping okay that's i didn't need to know that no you you do because i don't know what's going on like i just lost it's lost it for me pooping has lost its luster for you no i just my body i guess is adapting to the quarantine so maybe maybe my body knows that it's in crisis mode yeah i'm eating maybe my body knows to just like step it up in terms of absorbing all the proper nutrients maybe my body understands that there's a toilet paper shortage do you stop drinking coffee no i'm drinking more coffee i'm having some right now what about when you what about like when you're fucking busting out your arm workout on your peloton does that not make you like does that not get the adrenaline going i don't do the arm part of the peloton big cat i go what do you mean straight legs high impact interval training tabata aren't all those races arms and legs though some of them have arm sections in them but most people don't do the arm anyways the arm weight's only like two pounds wait but do you skip the arm weight i actually poop more than two pounds at a time normally so wait but do you skip the arm workout when you're supposed to be doing it you know it always says optional on there oh well then you're you got

to do it though is booger doing it no booger definitely has to do it i bet you booger crushes

no he's no he's publicly said that he does not do the arm workout interesting yeah so no the weird

thing is just like i don't know um you know how like women get into a relationship with the tides

and the moon with their periods and stuff that's how my butt is acting just with the supply chain stock at my local grocery store.

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I understand that there's,

I understand that there's,

I understand that there's, I understand that there's, I understand that there's, chain stock at my local grocery store like you know you're scared understands that there's no toilet paper how scared are you like i'd be terrified for my first poop yeah it's not excited it's gonna hurt i so i pooped yesterday morning but that was the first time in like three days two and a half days and it kind of hurt and then today i sat down for a while just hoping just like thinking if i'm in the room something boredom yeah i do that too i mean that's part of my day just like let's go to the bathroom and now i'm mad at leroy because enough i let him out three times a day he craps every single time maybe i should start eating dog food there you go thanks leroy poop all the time yeah um all right my fire fest is My fire fest is, uh, I bought a trumpet. I've been playing the trumpet, uh, during the cat cave Derby tonight.
There was the first night that my neighbor banged on the wall and was like, shut the hell up. So I think that I, you know, that's one of those situations where I was probably in the wrong screaming at toy horse horses as they go around a track and blasting a trumpet.
Um, but still that kind of feels intrusiveive like the people want to hear me try to play the trumpet so now i've gotten that robbed from me what else can i do that's a moment where if you're big cat's neighbor and like everything just gets louder and louder over the course of two weeks and then a trumpet kicks in yeah like you got you got to be fucking kidding me but here's the thing it's only from 657 to like 707 so i think i'm gonna slide a note under her door and be like hey 10 minutes a day i run an illegal toy horse track you're just gonna have to deal with those 10 minutes no you gotta you gotta you gotta spin it all until like it's for corona relief and then that's true mental health yeah it is Yeah. It's my mental...
It's my support animal. Yes.
Yes. Okay.
It turns out the trumpet's really hard to play. Didn't know.
Oh, yeah. For sure.
Why didn't you get a bugle? It's only three buttons, I thought. Bugle...
You can blow and there's three buttons, right? Bugle wasn't going to get here until, like, late May. I don't know if you've checked out Amazon shipping times, but it's a fucking wild scene.
No, I haven't talked to my bugle guy in a while. No, Hank, the three valves on the trumpet, it's not like a trumpet only plays three notes.
Those are just used to control a variety of the notes they play. Yeah, there you go, Big Cat.
Big Cat, let's hear a note. Three buttons.
Let's hear it. There you go.
That sounds great. As loud as I'm going to play it.
Regular Winton Marcellus over there. Yeah, there you go that sounds good as i'm gonna play it i don't want to get a win marcellus over there yeah there we go louie armstrong baby um all right let's get to our interview with joe buck and oliver hudson before we do that all protein bars generally taste the same but not one bars one made protein bars are actually delicious with reese's and hershey.
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OK, here they are. Joe Buck and Oliver Hudson.
Okay, we now welcome on our good friend Joe Buck and his new co-host, Oliver Hudson, because they have a new podcast. It is called Daddy Issues.
The first episode was out yesterday, so go find it. Go listen to it.
Joe has decided he loves us so much he's going to enter our world and joe before we start uh my first question is actually for oliver daddy issues yeah we know joe's daddy issues his daddy issue is his dad was super famous and he was uh basically born on third thought he had a triple nepotism, got all his success due to his dad.

That's his daddy issue.

What's your daddy issue, Oliver?

Well, you sort of just explained mine as well in a strict way.

I think this is why we're pretty much doing this.

But I have different daddy issues, I would say.

My dad was around until I was around 11 or 12, and then he kind of left the picture, which, of course, has informed every fucking thing in my life, whether it be relationships, career, self-esteem, all the bad shit. You know what I mean? So that is my daddy issue.
As far as the nepotism goes, I grew up in a family of famous people. Okay.
So, you know, I am in the proverbial shadow. I might put myself there.
I understand that. That's my own problem.
If we want to go into a psychology session, we can, but I'm always trying to sort of, you know, make mommy and daddy proud. I'm not sure I have yet.
Can you name drop for us? Name drop for us for people who might not know. My mother is Goldie Hawn.
No big deal. My stepdad, who I call Pa, because he raised me, you know, is Kurt Russell.
Ever heard of him? Yeah. And my sister is this bluesy named Kate Hudson.
Okay. Okay.
And then, of course, I've got my little brother who played professional hockey himself. His name was Wyatt Russell.
And he got hurt in Holland and Germany playing hockey. His groin blew out.
And basically, he came to the home and said, I want to be an actor. And within months, he's got two movies at Sundance and everything's fucking great.
And I've been doing great. I'm doing good.
But I have a little bit of a different path than everyone else. You've got a podcast going.
You're basically a king right now. Yeah.
So do you guys have any advice that you'd like to ask us for? Like now you're into our world like joe we have never out of respect for you we have never gotten into you know the major market major network play-by-play game even though we've had many offers but you don't seem to feel that same way about us so what can we help you with as you're becoming a podcaster well what i don't understand is that you give these podcasts away for free. That's how you hook them.
It's like drugs. Okay, so the gateway is you get to click on a little icon.
Everybody gets into this thing for free, and then somehow you guys make money, and some big wig at the top of the food chain sells hundreds of millions of dollars that he has yeah pretty much that doesn't make sense well okay so let me explain to you from our perspective it's kind of like when we stream your football and baseball games on the internet for free and don't pay a cable bill that's kind of like the same thing fair enough all right well i i like being on this side of it then uh yeah i like i like living in your wake i mean we all know look when when oliver and i just started decided to go into this whole thing i said there's really one place where we have to go. And that is my friends at Pardon My Take, because we have had a great relationship.
We tend to fuck around quite a bit. However, wherever I go, I get more comments on being on your podcast than anything I do.
Super Bowl, World Series,, whatever. And that's, that's mind blowing to me and good on you.
And we can only hope to be one third is brilliant. I think that you, you know, understood how you can be successful outside of the world that you're in and you want to monetize that you know what i mean these are tough times for joe i don't think you know these are tough times for joe and i'll just speak about joe for a second because i think a lot of people well most people know joe in the booth and usually a blue suit with some weird tie that's okay makeup is decent half the time he has a beard half of the time he doesn't you know his hair depending on what time of year it is looks good right but no one knows who joe buck really is you know i've been friends with him for a long time now golf introduced us and we got really tight and i think this is a fun way a fun way for people, and you guys know who Joe is,

to experience Joe outside of him in a booth.

The guy's got issues.

The guy has major insecurities.

And I think it's time for people to know who he really is.

Major insecurities.

One of the biggest compliments that we get is you guys made Joe Buck likableable like it's a really huge accomplishment for us but here's the thing i actually think that it is because joe when he talks to us we are so unlikable that it makes joe look good in the process so we're just we're taking over we're becoming the biggest asshole on set which you're not used to and so when they see comparison to us, they're like, Oh, Joe's not as bad as those two other chuckle fucks. So it's, it's like basically what you're saying is it's like the, whoever it is that follows Charles Manson into the parole board hearing, they're obviously going to look a hell of a lot better than whoever just walked out.
Like if I was in prison and I had murdered hundreds of people i'd say hey what time

is manson's appointment to talk to the parole board i want to go after him yeah yeah so you'd be fine yeah i think that's fair okay good well i it's good for me to put a put a definition to it and to understand it better because it is kind of mind-blowing for me yeah so oliver has he called you Troy yet?

No, we're working on that.

Yeah, we're working on that.

I have a question for both of you. It's a little game we play called You Have to Tell the Truth No Matter What.
Okay. I'll start with you, Oliver.
What's your favorite Kate Hudson movie? Almost Famous. Yeah, same.
I mean, yeah. Yeah, that's that seems to me and uh joe how much money did espn offer you to be the monday night football host 28 million dollars what can we report that yes go with that go with that because that's the number i'm going to negotiate off next time around uh i i want to know is if he's, if there's any jealousy about that Tony Romo money or not.
Yeah. Good question.
Over on my part. Absolutely.
1 million percent zero. Now maybe for other 1 million percent zero.
I'm trying to figure out what that – Are you saying you're 1 million percent jealous? I have no – yeah, I have no animosity, jealousy, anything. I'm happy for him, and he doesn't do what I do.
So I wonder about others in this business trying to follow that model. To me, Romo was in the absolute perfect place at the perfect time with two networks that were dying to either keep him or get him, and it just came up at the right time for him, and he cashed in.
So good for him. So no, I have no jealousy toward that at all.
Okay, so let's flip it. Do you think that Troy has any jealousy towards you? No, you not being Jim Nance setting up Troy to make $17 million a year.
Oh, that's a great question. Yeah.
That there could be potential jealousy and animosity and I guess pure hatred on his part toward me going forward because I have failed him unlike Jim Nance with Tony Romo. So I promise to be more Nance-like if he promises to be more Romo-like going forward.
I like that. So actually what you should just do is go out to dinner with some ESPN executives and just make sure that the paparazzi is there.
I'm sure you probably have paparazzi following you around anyways. But call ahead and let them know where you're going to be.
Just have your picture taken walking out of dinner. By the way, the paparazzi scene in St.
Louis is massive. Massive.
True mass. It's a guy with a disposable camera and a creepy man in a trench coat with a Polaroid.

Right. This is you.
Joe, we haven't talked to you since Super Bowl. Yeah, go ahead.
Go ahead. Get me with it.
Yeah, I mean. I thought that you did a great job in the second quarter.
Well, no, you did a fine job. you just blatantly made up a nickname for Playoff Damien that no one in America ever thought was real and thought you could just, like, say it, and we'd be like, oh, yeah, his name's definitely Playoff Damien.
Okay, well, then you're hanging yourself here. You're hanging yourself here because you want me to say Yabo.
Yeah. You want me to throw that in and just kind of make that fit.
If there's ever any time that I can make that happen, I'll think back to this time when playoff Damian was scoring touchdown after touchdown in the playoffs. Six playoff games, 11 touchdowns, 85 regular season games, 22 touchdowns.
And I read it in the clips leading into the game. So if I made it up, I guess somebody else made it up before me.
Someone definitely was like, yo, how can we fuck with Joe Buck? The fact that you – no, don't let him pass the buck on this one because you still have all those stats about playoff Damien buried in your head because you did so much research going into it while you were coming up with a nickname. No, wrong.
I did so much research. I don't even remember who won the game.
I did so much research leading into this interview that I knew you guys were going to hit because I listened to your podcast and I heard it and I was like, oh, they're, you know, they thought we did a decent job, which is all you can hope for when you broadcast to 100 million people. And then it's like, but playoff, Damian, like I'm trying to sell Danny Dimes t-shirts.
It was just a thing, and I threw it out there, and I throw myself on your mercy for a little bit of leniency in this case. Okay.
All right. Yeah, denied that.
And we verified it with Chris Jones. We had Chris Jones in studio like two weeks after, and we're like, we're like come on he's like I don't think anyone's ever called him playoff Damien that makes no sense.
So you're saying Chris Jones is up on all the clips and everything else that I read going into a game like that. I think he spends time with him.
Yeah he knows if there was a nickname like playoff Damien going around the locker room he would have known and put a stop to it. I actually suggested that they call him Big Game Dame.
And he was like, yeah, that's a way better nickname than Playoff Damien. Yeah.
Okay. Yeah, I agree with you.
I agree with you. But you're assuming then that I made it up and I didn't.
I will find the clip. So help me God.
I will find the clip. Yeah.
I have two things to ask you about the world series. Number one, why didn't you use my, and the Houston Astros can suck on D's Nats at the end of game seven.
I think that's pretty self-explanatory. What's your next one? Okay.
My other one is how come you weren't on the ball and alerting America to the fact that the Astros were cheating this whole time. It's on me.
It's totally on me. And Oliver and I've talked about this all the time.
I I should have alerted everybody because, you know, I was clearly in on it somehow, some way. I'd agree.
You were at the games and you were hearing trash cans being banged. You're probably hobnobbing with Altuve.
You love to say the name Altuve. It just kind of flows.
It rolls right off the tongue. Yeah.
Yeah, I don't buy that at all. I still think you should have known about it.
The amount of Astros games that you've attended over the course of the last two years, you knew something was up and you hid it from America. I did.
And again, I throw myself at your mercy. I'm sorry to you and America.
oliver the next question's for you uh i read uh that you were in the 2005 world series of poker and you busted on the first hand how much did that suck it was uh it was one of the worst moments of my life honestly i mean it was not Wait, not the whole, I mean, daddy issues.

No, no no this was far worse oh okay all right oh i i uh i clearly worse than abandonment oh yeah oh it was it was a horrifying

experience it's a ten thousand dollar buy-in i go to i go to vegas with my girlfriend who's now my

wife at the time i said stay asleep we start at 11 it's gonna be a long ass day i go to my

Thank you. dollar buy-in i go to i go to vegas with my girlfriend who's now my wife at the time i said stay asleep we start at 11 it's gonna be a long ass day i go to my table and it says proceed to the featured table the espn table because it was daniel daniel negraño and sammy farha were just paired with me seated with me so now i've got my little bag lunch my fucking stupid sunglasses on that I now regret wearing and I sit down firsthand shuffle up and deal it was a hand I could never get away from if you watch it I don't want to go through the whole hand but it was just an impossibility to get away from the hand but it all got in the middle on the turn and uh that was fucking that and that was it i mean i i it was a horrible horrible beat and uh it was a sad moment for me what were your cards for that i had pocket tens i pocket tens and the the flop was uh ace ace 10 um sammy Farhad, ace, ten.
That's tough. It was just – everything was on the flop.
Everything was on the flop. You know, we should rename the double tens.
That should have its own name. Like what's Dead Man's Hand is one of them? That should be – I was playing a ton of poker at the time at Commerce and Hustler.

I was heavily into poker.

And then after that, I would go to the casinos,

and people would say, call me Pocket Tens.

That became sort of my nickname.

Oh, my God, you Pocket Tens, Pocket Tens.

Oh, that sucks.

They should call that the Patino Hand because you bust real fast.

Real fast.

Wait, Oliver, you have another podcast yeah man it's called sibling revelry with my sister who's your sister what do we know janet jackson damn i was looking at it because i was so this is actually a real question because i was i was just googling it and i was uh hoping that you had quit it because i one of my favorite things about the podcast boom is everyone gets a podcast and then after like three weeks they're like this actually kind of sucks i ran out of stories uh how are you guys gonna not run out of stories dude we're fucking crushing right now i just got to say it it's been. There's no, I think he's talking about you and me not running out of stories.
Yeah. You can take the pen out of your mouth when you brought, when you do a podcast, that's a first step.
The weed pen. We actually messed up doing that.
Our first episode too. We were both, we were both chewing on a hookah and Hank was like, Hey, maybe take the pin out.
Okay. Or take a pull, blow it out, and then start talking.

Yes, yes.

So how are you guys going to keep going?

Yeah.

Well, look, who the hell knows, man?

I mean, I just want to keep talking to Joe.

It's a weekly situation, so it's a current show, right?

So we're going to get on the phone as friends and sort of just rap about what that week what happened during that week and then we're also gonna have guests on as well okay answer your question i you know look if if we all know how it works right if people if people subscribe if the show actually takes off we can actually sell some ads and it becomes something viable then we keep going if it does i get to hang out with a friend and talk with a talk with and talk with one of my best friends. All right, so let's role play real quick.
Why don't you, I'll be Joe and you be Oliver. And actually, no, PFT, you be Oliver.
Why don't you start the show in, let's say, it's like the third week of October. Just randomly I picked that date.
Okay, third week of October. Here we go.
Are you Joe? Yeah, I'm Joe. I i'm you oliver yeah hey what's up welcome back to caller daddy issues i was going to clam town on this broad the other week and it was awesome uh anyways joe my sister and i were talking the other week you know my sister right you've met her yeah your podcast so my mom goldie han was telling me that i should tee you up for this story listen oliver

i'm gonna stop you right there i have a world series game to call tonight i have an nfl game to call on sunday i have a thursday night game to call on thursday and then i have another world series game to call on friday so this podcast is over that's cool i'm available whenever and that's That's so great.

You guys can use that yeah you can use it you can put it in your feed thank you well good there's our promo that's it oh but i'm gonna i'm gonna it's a great excuse for me to get away from my wife and kids for a minute because I'm going to travel. I'm going to go on the road if we ever fucking play sports again.
But I will go to Green Bay. I will go to Philly.
I'm going to travel a little bit. Nice.
I love that. So you'll give your kids daddy issues by working on the podcast Daddy Issues.
And you will be Yoko Ono tooko ono to joe's john lennon right yes the booth is basically split up higher career yeah oh i was thinking i was thinking more of uh kind of the spooning in bed with the photographers in the room yes week of their lives yeah that should that should be our our our our cover art that would be a. That would be great.
Have you guys decided who's going to read the ads? Because I feel like, I don't know, a Roman erectile dysfunction swipe ad read coming from Joe Buck. That would really go for a premium.
Can't wait. By the way, on the podcast, Sibling Revel with my sister,

we have to decide on what ads we want to read because she's got like a thousand businesses

and there's conflicts of interest.

But I said, the one thing that I do want to do,

I don't care what you say is those Roman swipes.

It's such a great ad to read.

Have you tried those things, by the way?

I haven't. Never been an issue for me because I don't have sex.
Yeah. Oliver, is that weird, though, when Kate's like, I got a million businesses.
I don't know which ads to do. And you're like, I got nothing.
Oh, dude, yeah. That's part of the conversation.
That's part of the conversation I have with her. I'm like, Kate, you know, she's been great, by the way.
But I'm like, look, we have to read the Saqqara ad. I don't care what you say.
It has to get done. I don't care if you wear Rothy's or not.
We have to fucking read it. So she knows.
Joe, I saw you were going a little stir crazy around the house, and now you're just narrating random tweets like videos that people send to you? And I saw one today from a very ponderous man sitting by a window looking out, gazing upon the pastures outside his window. And I'm going to lay something down on that tonight.
Yeah, at least it's for charity. I know you're going to give me shit about it, but at least hopefully it will force you somehow, some way to donate to some charity to help people out during this very difficult time in our nation.
Yeah, that's actually, it's tricky because with all this time on our hands, I've found myself getting out-charitied. Just like I get bored, and so I want to do something nice for

somebody else. Then at the end of the day,

I'm poor, and I spend all my money on charities.

This is what? A moment

for us to feel sorry

for you? Well, no. That's why I'm doing this interview

with you because we get paid $75,000

per show.

I got to get back into the studio

so then I can go spend it all on more charities. It's nice what you're doing.
What's the best clip that anybody's sent you so far? Well, I mean, look, for this audience, I think it's probably a little too G-rated. And obviously, I can't get into on my public Twitter doing the kind of thing that, you know, the type of humor that I would typically do with friends.
So, you know, whether it's a family clearing out an entire living room worth of furniture and playing two on two basketball against one another or two kids just playing like the best point in tennis in the basement on carpet with, with like really good shots. And I, it's amazing what people are doing to try and occupy their time, get out of the house, break up the monotony.
And, and I get to see it all, all flooding my way. Some of them are ridiculous.
Some of them are, you know, look at my dog,

sit on his mat and eat a treat. But most of them are pretty cool and interesting and worthwhile.
What, Joe, are you going stir crazy yet without sports? Because this is kind of not your busy season. I mean, you have the U.S.
Open usually a little later on. You do baseball.
But where are you at with like we need sports back meter I miss sports more to not be able to sit on my couch and watch it yeah that that's where I miss it you're right I mean this is my downtime after the Super Bowl after playoff Damian did his thing and I this is normally the time when I kind of recharge and I'm around the house. Now, I'm not around the house like I am currently, which is nonstop with just under two year old twin boys.
But to have all that time and then my daughters are back in town. You know, while people are literally fighting for their lives, I think the silver lining for some is is at least getting a a chance to reconnect and you know have a dinner or or just see what's going on in people's lives we all move so fast that's that's a small silver lining to what is a national you know tragedy at this point yeah and oliver you're a sports fan yourself yeah yeah i've been a sports fan for a long time been a big Lakers fan.
You know, Dodgers, playoff Dodger fans.

Typical Lakers fan. Dodgers, playoff Dodger fans.
Typical LA sports fan. Annoying.
Well, no. I mean, I've been a devout Lakers fan.
But other than that, I will say that I'm a playoff baseball fan. I can't watch all the fucking games.
I can't do it. I'm a big golf fan too.
How do you think Joe does with the U.S. Open? I think he does well, actually.
I think he does a good job. He's got to sort of put the handcuffs on.
It's strange to hear him more subdued. But i think it's honestly not that difficult i mean oh you know you sit in a trailer and you know you you can you read things and you watch tv and just comment on like a you know putts and you know how the yardage is in the wind direction and you know throw a few little things in there here and there and rely on Azinger or whoever next to him is the color guy.

Tossing a fun fact about the person who just won his girlfriend

that turns out not to be his girlfriend anymore.

It's like easy stuff like that.

Actually, Joe, did you notice that they replayed that U.S. Open on Fox last week?

And I watched it at the very end just to hear you talk about Brooks Koepka's girlfriend. And they didn't cut it out.
It was wonderful. No.
That one was on. I know the Shinnecock one was on.
I did not see that one. I could never live that down, and that's just part of my IMDB page.
It's part of my Wikipedia. It's whatever.
If you go through life without a controversy section in your Wikipedia page, did you really even live? It's true. That's true, yeah.
I think if you're on air live for that many hours, at some point you're going to misidentify somebody's girlfriend. I actually was worse back in 2001 pre-social media, thank God, when I interviewed Tony Womack from down on the field and asked him if the woman standing next to him was his mom.
And he stopped in the middle of an interview after winning a playoff game and said, no, man, that's my wife. Yeah, that's tough.
Can I give you guys, like from a pro that's been in this biz for a while, if you want to get a real pop with your very first episode, you need to have Artie Lang on as your guest. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. I actually would love to have Artie Lang on as our guest, first or last or whenever it would happen.
Artie and I are good. Speaking of that show, did you party with Paul Rudd after the Super Bowl? I never saw Rudd for one second down there.
You guys may have. We texted.
We never ran across one another. I got a picture from him.
They're obviously Kansas obviously kansas city his son jack is a huge chiefs fan and was so excited when they won that he actually uh had a nosebleed start he was so emotional about them winnings so that's the picture i have never saw him never partied with him barely partied at all that entire week oh so you did party yeah I mean you have to kind of do some things but uh

yeah with him barely partied at all that entire week oh so you did party yeah i mean you have to kind of do some things but uh not not much i saw i saw a pft at uh at some event for someone like an espn thing wasn't it it was at uh the darlington carissa thompson party that's right. And you gave me a hug.
You saw me.

You came up and you pushed my hand out of the way.

You're like, we're going to hug now.

I'm glad that we're at hug level, but I didn't know that I was.

Well, we were.

You were probably high.

Before then.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You had a random nosebleed, too, at that party.

You had a pacifier in your mouth.

And you were doing a Molly.

All right.

I got one last.

Oliver right now is sitting back going, you know what? i think i want to listen to this podcast going forward i like it yeah oliver actually on wednesday we had uh or two a week ago we had joe's favorite team the head coach craig baruby so you can listen to that and maybe be like hey i you know let's talk blues you guys ever have like big do you guys you guys ever have big movie actors on? Yeah, like Zac Efron. Robert Holm.
Zac Efron. Adam Sandler.
Did you have Sandler on? Yeah. David Spade.
Topher Grace. Topher Grace.
David Wallace. From The Office.
From The Office. did you give spade shit or did you or were you like oh yeah we shit in his mouth oh good um i have one last i have one last question it's not a question it's going to be a read a tweet this actually joe i actually so it's a tweet for both of you i have one for you joe one for you oliver someone tweeted out i don't understand why why people hate Joe Buck so much dislike is one thing hate is quite another he's a homegrown talent who's candid as ever can hold his own in multiple sports with broadcasting and doesn't

mind taking shots at himself what's the hate now almost all the replies were in agreement being

like Joe Buck's awesome so I think the Joe like why do people hate Joe Buck is actually a myth now

I don't think it's real anymore I don't think think people hate you. Except for this one guy who said low skill level and got his job because of systematic nepotism.
He's not where he is because of merit. But if you're born with the right birth certificate credentials, you can pass people with more talent and work ethic in our society.
But mostly people dislike him because he's bad. Yeah, I think that kind of covers it all.
Yeah, I think so too. Oliver, your tweet.
That was actually Big Cat sent that. Yeah.
No, it is crazy though. I think it is a myth.
I really do. I think there was a time where people hated you, and now people are like, there's just a myth out there.
Everyone just tweets, why do people hate Joe Buck? And everyone's like, no one hates Joe Buck, really. We've talked about this before.
When we started our podcast, the guy who was editing our sound, he's a huge Dodgers fan. And I said, do you hate Joe Buck? And I said, straight up.
And he said he did. And I said, why? He said, because he seems to always root for the other team.
OK. But then Joe had a great explanation for this.
People, you can say it, Joe, but people are watching their regional announcers. Their whole team announcers.
Their team announcers. Yeah.
I'm the only guy to do National World Series since the advent of social media. So it's, it just is what it is.
My dad used to get it. Scully used to get it.
But it was a different time. You'd have to sit down, write a letter.
And you won at the biggest times. And I felt this way with your aforementioned guest, the team I root for.
As great as Doc Emmerich is, as great as Kennedy Albert is, I wanted the hometown guys that live and die like i do with the blues fortunes to be calling the action like i've heard all year and when you hear somebody get excited when the other team scores or hits a home run like why why are they so excited i don't hear that all year so naturally you think they're rooting for the other team which is just stupid it's not true Okay. I get it with baseball because I agree with baseball.
Baseball, you grind it out with your guys, 162 games. But football, I don't think anyone really hates you anymore.
I really don't. I think you have – I've told you this, but you have the big game voice that it's very rare, and every time you're announcing a game, it feels important.
Well, thank you. It's taken a taken a long time to get there and i you know i think a lot of that stuff bleeds over a phillies fan is an eagles fan a giants fan as a yankees fan it goes it's not like people just live and die with one sport but yeah it's it's part of the it's part of the shit you have to take to do what i get to do, which is I wouldn't want to be doing anything else,

so I don't really care.

But that's why I'm doing a podcast, why I come on with you.

I've talked to other people.

If someone paid me $50 million a year to be hated by everyone,

I'd do that too.

Easy.

Me too.

Yeah, easy.

Oliver, your tweet is from Spicy Chicken Queen, November 17, 2015. She said, Oliver Hudson, I want to suck his dick for two hours.
Hell yeah. What do you think about that? Should I retweet that? That's too long.
You're going to need a lot of Roman. You're going to need'll take that.
Wait, why did I get the tweet that I got and he got that tweet? It's just random. We just pulled them both up randomly.
It's completely random. It's a random tweet generator.
Joe, I want to get a little intel out of you and then we'll let you guys go. When is sports coming back? I'm sure you're on the inside of all this decision making.
You know, I want to get a little intel out of you, and then we'll let you guys go. When is sports coming back? Yeah.
I'm sure you're on the inside of all this decision-making. You know, honestly, if we can be real for a minute, I don't think anybody has any idea.
And I say that because I just talked to my boss at Fox. You know, they're talking about all kinds of scenarios, but it all depends on when the curtain comes up.
So when does baseball start? I don't know. Do you aim for the all-star game and have that be the kickoff? Do you start a little bit before? Do you have to have 80, 81 games to feel like you had somewhat of a real season? You know, what about the NHL, the NBA? You're down to the end and you got the playoffs coming.
I literally have no idea from people who are running these sports and networks. Then I think the answer is nobody has any idea when this stuff's going to start back up.
Shit. Damn it.
Sorry. Sorry to tell you that we're going to have football season though, right? Yeah.
I don't think so. Yes.
Just say yes. Yeah.
Yes. We will have.
Joe Buck has reported that he heard from Fox Big Weeks. I have definitively reported we will have football season.
There we go. I love it.
I feel better. Do you? Feel comforted? No, not really.
Way better. Wait, are you guys ever going to come on our air and talk about your daddy issues? Nope.
I mean, I like my dad. I'll tell you my daddy issue right

now. It's opening day.

So we recorded this last

Thursday night.

Opening day, I think it was in fourth or fifth grade.

My dad came to the school. He brought my

glove. He brought my Baltimore Orioles

hat and he pulled me out of class

and he said, we're going to go to opening

day. They announced over the

loudspeaker. So my whole class saw me like get up to leave.
My dad puts me in the van. We start driving out of school.
He turns around and he says, April fools. And drops me back off at the school at the front door.
And send me back to class. And everyone's like, yo, I thought you were going to again.
I was like, no, my dad just punked me. Yeah.
That's worse than my dad leaving when I was 12. Agreed.
Not worse than the World Series of Poker, though. No, definitely not.
Not the dead man's head. But to my dad's credit, he just called me about like an hour ago and left me a voicemail saying, hey, it's opening day.
Just want to apologize again for what I did to you in elementary school. So that's nice.
There's a reason to call every year. Well, there you go.
This is exactly why this podcast is needed in this world. Everybody's got a fucked up story about something that happened that they'll never let go.
Thank you guys. Joe Buck, Kate Hudson's brother.
Go check out Daddy Issues. You can find it everywhere podcasts are, right? That's right.
It's Goldie Hawn's son and Jack Buck's son. Yeah, Jack Buck's son and Goldie Hawn's son.
Yeah, thank God. Yes.
No, seriously, thank you guys, though. This sounds like an awesome podcast.
You guys are going to be the podcast that people go on when they want to cry. That's right.
That's right. That's right.
All right. Well, thank you, guys.
Appreciate it. Thank you.
I miss you guys. I miss you.
I miss your hugs, Joe. I miss you.
I was thinking about that. Hey, what's going on there, pal? We saw you at the hockey game on.
Do I know you guys? I'm Ryan Whitney. I got a drink named after me.
Not a big deal. Pink Whitney? That's what I thought.
See you, fellas. I invented the thing, you pigeon.
Pink Whitney for legendary moments. The interview is also brought to you by our good friends at Roe.
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That's getroman.com slash barstool. Okay, let's get to some segments.
First up, we have a LeBron James update from our preeminent LeBron James reporter, LeBron James. PFT, you have the tweet.
Yes, this is from LeBron James' Twitter account. LeBron James update.
Thinking about maybe sitting down and breaking down some of my most memorable games and moments in my career. Maybe IG Live or just film it and hold on to it for another time.
So LeBron James is thinking about maybe doing content at some point. I'm sure he just got drunk last night and saw a commercial for the Michael Jordan documentary and was like, you know what? I think I need to get in the content game because maybe we'll do an 11-part LeBron James documentary.
You know what sucks about this is that I actually would love to see this. Hank, I don't know if you're on the same side.
I would love to see this simply because LeBron James actually is like a basketball genius and I think he has close to a photographic memory so I would love I anytime someone explains like what was going through their head through a big moment I'm all in and it hurts me to say it because I already know that LeBron's gonna be super annoying during the MJ doc and try to make it all about LeBron.

I don't even think LeBron's in the MJ doc,

which is sneaky awesome.

I would watch this and I would like to hear

LeBron break down his biggest game,

biggest plays. I would a million percent

watch it if he ever made it.

It would be so slanted.

Being pro LeBron

James, being like LeBron James was good at basketball? Well, in today's day, I feel like back in the day, it was one thing where nowadays everyone that's anyone has a production company. They do their own TV show, their own internet thing.
It is way more set up for the athletes to be in control of whatever they put out. Whereas Michael Jordan's era, they probably just had a camera rolling, and he was like, whatever, a camera's

rolling. So it's going to be much better,

whereas LeBron, like Dwayne Wade's documentary,

they didn't talk

about the controversial shit, and they just made it look

like Dwayne Wade was the greatest ever.

This would be the same thing with LeBron.

So here's what we need to do. LeBron should do this,

but he should start with the

eight-point game in the finals against the Mavs

and explain what was going through his brain then. And then after that, it's okay.
He can talk about everything else. So you're just concerned, Hank, that it's going to be propaganda.
I'm not concerned. I know it would be.
Right. Also, the NBA was fixed.
The reason they beat the Celtics in 2010 was because the NBA was fixed anyway. So I know it's all propaganda.
It just takes solace in the fact that when LeBron James says thinking about maybe doing something. Did you guys see they were showing? And then he adds in maybe later.
He's just not going to do it. They were showing fucking game seven of the Warriors game and ESPN cut out Kyrie Irving's three-pointer that won the game.
Yes, I did see that. Which shot was that? That didn't happen.
I hate Kyrie too.i no wait wait wait wait that was lebron james game seven of the finals the he shot chase down block finals they cut that out yes i saw that lebron chased down he did the block and then cast one missed yeah exactly because kevin played good defense exactly no it was actually leron playing defense on Steph. They did a green screen remake of it.
Gotcha. Yeah.
LeBron definitely will make it slanted about himself if he ever gets around to maybe doing it. But the fact that he was like, maybe I'll just IG live it.
You can hear him over the course of this tweet like talking himself out of doing any of the actual work that would go into like a heavy undertaking like that. you know what documentary i would absolutely watch over the even over the michael jordan one the like 2000 portland trailblazers documentary the jailblazers yeah we're like damon stoudemire rashid wallace or the wizards with gilbert and and karan karan whatever kram but they should put out the the jailblazers one on 420 one day after the Michael Jordan one.
That would be sick. Let's do our Mount Flushmore and then let's do some King of Kong Fistful of Quarters, the most ridiculous documentary that doesn't get talked about enough.
Mount Flushmore of animals, right? Mm-hmm. Okay.
Well, no, it's Mount Flushmore of animals. Yeah, which is the worst the yeah yeah we've been doing that where people have been saying you're just you're just doing mount rushmore's but when you say it like when we did the mount flush more of worst candies we should have done the best candies yeah some people got really so so yeah it's i'm in my brain gets just twisted around so it, it's just the Mount Flush form of animals.

All right, I got first pick.

I'm going to win this draft with first pick because it's the number one

most wanted animal in the world right now.

It has ruined the entire world.

It's bats.

Bats fucking suck.

Fuck bats.

Fuck bats.

Bats are an integral part of the ecosystem.

Okay, shut up.

Don't do that.

Bats took away March Madness. Don't do ecosystems.
Let's all agree. None of that ecosystem bullshit.
Bats, fuck you, bats. That's where all these diseases come from.
Fuck you, bats. I will never forget that we didn't get March Madness in 2020.
Bats get rid of a lot of our big nuisance insects. Okay.
Bats suck. Okay.

Uh,

my first pick is going to be mosquitoes.

Mosquitoes are awful.

They provide no benefit whatsoever.

Give people malaria.

The number one ecosystem animal.

No,

they are.

They only,

you know what they,

you know what mosquitoes exist to do?

Feed bats.

That's it.

So you should actually be rooting for mosquitoes to go because if my, my mosquitoes go away then that solves your bat problem too do you guys ever watch mosquitoes like would you ever let it land on you and watch it suck up your blood yes no yeah and then you just smash the fuck out of it yeah wait till it's juicy i'm not saying i did that because i'd be psychotic but yeah yeah it's kind of's kind of weird. I will go with the bats of the ground, I like to call them, a.k.a.
rats. Many people.
And then I'll go with snakes in general, but specifically just a cobra. I had a big snake phobia as a child.
I think like Harry Potter 2, the bad guy was a big ass snake. And like for every, every, every night for like two years, I was scared that a giant snake was going to attack me in my sleep.
I was constantly scared of snakes. I just hate snakes.
Yeah. But specifically, or what's the Anaconda Anaconda, the movie, the movie with JLo and Ice Cube.
Snakes are scary. Yeah, they are.
I think with with snakes the only benefit they provide is they give you a nice little red flag if somebody owns them you know to steer clear that person the this might sound crazy but every time i see a boa constrictor like fuck something up it's always like a baby lamb or something like yeah a mouse it's just a giant i think i could take a boa constrictor i don't think a boa constrictor could take down like a fucking well-fed man it depends i think you could if it gets it if it gets its fucking i'd fuck it up i just punch it in its brain over and over i would fuck a boa constrictor up doesn't have to take down a boa constrictor or python an anaconda might get you well anything that bites would kill me i'm talking about the ones that just constrict

like if i just get in a wrestling match i just this is just solely the gas in 10 seconds no but it's watching the tape i've seen the fucking tape they always go after the fucking smallest animals they take down kids they take down fucking baby lambs and little tiny horses i've never seen an anaconda go after a fucking 230, 40, maybe 50 pound man who can down five hot dogs in a night. Show me that.
What kind of shitty horse gets taken down by an anaconda? Little baby. It's got to be the world's dumbest horse.
It's the little baby ones. Any baby animal that can barely walk anacondas just go to town on them.
I do like coca's. They're bullies.
They're boa constrictors they're bullies the strangled the strangled ones are big time bullies i do like a nice like puff adder or a cobra those are kind of cool and badass can a boa constrictor kill a grown ass man that eats hot dogs um my second pick is going to be ticks again ticks no benefit whatsoever the parasites they get they they get like hidden on your dog so you have to go looking for them uh you have to like check yourself after you go for a hike they give you lyme disease just bad animal all around ticks get out of here all right ticks um all right i'll go with uh pigeons pigeons fucking suck and leeches leeches suck I'm coming back around Hank you okay what do you mean you're coming back around I started it's a snake draft any sort of snake I gotta stop looking at you leeches are, man. The fact that you could like jump in a lake and a leech could just hop on you and just start sucking your blood.
They're like grown up mosquitoes. Maybe those could be the cure for Corona though.
Wasn't that a thing back in the day? Yeah, they would drain your blood with leeches. They still do some places.
Yeah, I don't think that really works. But yeah, they do.
I'm not saying it works. I'm saying that many cultures believe that it can work.
Did you guys ever go swimming as kids in lakes where you knew leashes were but still won anyway, and then that was the worst? Yeah, scary. You got to swim fast.
Outswim the leashes. You ever seen Stand By Me when he gets a big leech on his hog.
Ugh. Okay, so those are my two.

PFT, your pick.

My next one is going to be a very specific animal,

Hitler's dog, Blondie.

Oh, come on.

What?

That's just a dog he didn't know.

Yeah, but still.

What do you mean he didn't know?

He's a dog.

Every dog's a good dog. There's no bad dogs, only bad owners.

I'm going to go on a limb and say that Hitler's dog, Blondie, is bad.

Thank you. I didn't know.
He's a dog. Every dog's a good dog.
There's no bad dogs, only bad owners. I'm going to go on a limb and say that Hitler's dog, Blondie, is bad.
Because dogs, they take on the personalities of their owners. You know that.
Did you abort baby Hitler's dog? Not. If baby Hitler was going to be aborted, then no.
If baby Hitler was still intact and I knew that one day it would grow up to raise that dog, yes.

I think if you pick Hitler's dog, you have to pick all dogs.

No, absolutely not.

We're picking all animals.

We're picking every single type of these animals.

Mine was a game changer.

So PFT took dogs.

No, I did not. He took carefree gum.

He took dogs.

You can't put me in that box.

Yeah, you took dogs. Make sure that we put it all dogs.
Nazi dogs. No, it's dogs.
I've seen Wolfenstein. You don't like dogs.
That's just patently false. That's what you just said.
You picked the animal dog. I'm only going to bring this up because we're talking about Nazis right now, but the fact that all these movies about the first people the first people on the moon and like you know all that stuff they just excluded the part that uh nazis were like all of the people at nasa kind of messed up yeah we're under von braun operation paperclip crazy um if i were to say i don't like we're under von braun would you say oh you don't like all rocket scientists no but we're picking it we're picking groups of animals and so like i i pick pigeons i have what else do i have bats you just did a specific dog you don't like dogs yeah he's no he's a bad dog you don't like dogs dogs had your pick zero out of 10 dogs This is your pick.
Hank, your last two. Hyenas.

Like crackhead cheetahs. Way scarier.
Yes. And then I will go with just flies.
Just all around flies. Like fruit flies and shit? Yeah, like fruit flies.
Flies in anytime, yeah, anytime. There's no good time.

You're like, oh, the flies are around.

This is lovely.

No, I agree.

That never happens.

I agree.

It's usually a corpse or some kind of poop.

Yeah, dead fruit.

Like you left food out and you're like, fuck.

Garbage.

Yeah.

You're never happy to see a fly.

No.

No one has ever said, oh, good, a fly.

Exactly. Pia, your last pick? my last one is going to be roaches it's kind of same situation as with flies no one's ever happy to see a roach if there's a roach around you know that you got some underlying issues that you need to address and the shittiest part about roaches is they're going to be around way longer than us and no matter what roaches will be here after any sort of apocalypse i don't think if there's a virus that takes roaches out no roaches roach blood is the best blood just stays forever um what is a uh i just looked up something i don't want i didn't want to look up um yeah i'll pick them.
I'll just pick maggots for my last one. Ugh.
Ugh. I didn't even know what a maggot looked like.
Ugh. Maggots.
I thought of maggots because of the corpses. Yeah.
There's maggots and corpses. Like, that's just gross.
The only other one I had that was jellyfish. But jellyfish are, the problem with jellyfish is they suck, but they're also beautiful.
Mm-hmm. Exactly.
You know oh this is lovely like i'm in a i'm in a beautiful like bahamic water like this is nice and you see them and you're like wow that's that's really cool how they just kind of float and do their whole thing they're beautiful i had a single hornet on my list i was only one that didn't make it it's PFT frozen? I think he's frozen. Oh.
So he definitely chose just dogs. Wait, he's unfrozen.
Are you back? I'm big time back. I heard every word that you said.
I'm not going to – you know what I think this is? I think this is just a little bit of professional jealousy knowing that I've dominated Mount Flushmore season so far.

And somebody correctly pointed out that I just picked what I would have picked for my Mount Rushmore.

Yeah, you're terrible at Mount Rushmore.

We also talked you out of putting fucking...

Yeah, carefree gum, and you changed malt balls to...

or whoppers to malt balls.

So there's been some selective...

No, I said...

I just don't have the passion to care.

I said malt balls, and then you asked me to change it to whoppers.

Well, because that's what it is.

It's a whopper.

No, there's a big difference.

Yeah, and carefree gum should have the passion to care. I said malt balls, and then you asked me to change it to Whoppers.
Well, because that's what it is. It's a Whopper.
No, there's a big difference. Yeah, and Carefree Gum should have been put on there because that was the worst pick of all time.
That's what we're going for. That's what we're going for.
Carefree Gum candy. All right, should we do King Kong? What about Stingrays? Stingrays? I think Stingrays are similar to jellyfish where they're – Yeah, you can pet them.
I have the record at the Shedd Aquarium. But I think they're bad but beautiful.
Like when they're all fucking going in their little pack, like there's something cool about that, right? Mm-hmm. Do they travel in packs? Yeah, I think so.
I think they all just fucking cruise. Maybe those are the smaller stingrays.
I don't know. That'd be sick if they were in like a flock, a flock of stingrays.
Quick coronavirus negativity thread. I've been watching the planet Earth and every single episode, it's like, oh, look at this cool-ass animal.
And then David Attenborough comes through. He's like, but in the past 15 years, humans have destroyed this animal's living and they're all going to die in the next 10 years.
Like every single time. Did you guys see on Twitter, there was some tweet that went like, not super viral, but semi-viral, that was like basically, do you guys hear the birds out there? Like as soon as the humans stop, you know, invading in their area, the birds come back.
It's like, yeah, it's also fucking spring,

you idiot.

People

are going to overthink this and be like, look at how

good it is for the environment that we're all

stuck in our homes.

There's no more pollution outside.

That take is actually coming.

I can feel it in the wind.

We're going to get to a point where it's like, actually, this virus

is a good thing for humanity. Yeah, because you can finally feel the wind again.
Right. The wind is back.
I haven't felt the wind in years. All right, should we talk about King of Kong, Fistful of Quarters, one of the greatest documentaries ever created? Hang on, let me refresh my sun lamp real quick.
It's about to go out. This sun lamp has been a real godsend.
What do you mean refresh? What does that mean? It it's got timer on it so it's got to go back up in the sky such thing as too much sun you are literally pulling the sun back up in the sky yeah i just hit the uh the 30 minute timer on the sun lamp right but i i feel better i've got the vitamin d going uh it's it's really refreshing actually having just a little star inside my apartment uh okay can Cana Kong, Fistful of Quarters. Where do we want to start? I mean, we should probably start with Billy Mitchell.
Actually, no, let's start with Steve Wiebe, one of the most sympathetic figures I've ever watched. So when we were talking about this on Monday, I did watch this when it first came out in 2007, but I forgot a lot about it.
I forgot just how sympathetic and simultaneously that you're rooting for Steve Weeby, but you're also like, this guy's kind of pathetic. That one quote where his friend was like, I've never seen anyone cry more than Steve Weeby has cried out of frustration.
And you just feel so bad for him because the whole story about how he was a pitcher and his dad blew out his arm and, like, he was good at this and that and he had a band that he didn't want anyone to listen to. And you're like, come on, man.
Like, just find something. He was Nirvana before Nirvana, but he just chose not to be.
Yes. That was a hell of a spin zone by his grandmother or whatever, being like he was like Nirvana but even more artistic than Kurt Cobain.
In fact, he was so, so artistic that he didn't want anyone to ever hear his songs. Yeah.
He's Will Ferrell from Step Brothers. Yeah.
Overall, with Steve, they keep framing him as a loser, but he also seems like a pretty normal guy, and the biggest knock against him is just like, oh, Steve's never conquered the world, and that that weighs really heavily on him and he's like such a soft-spoken guy all his buddies are like yeah you know steve you know he's kind of uh he's had a rough go of it in his life he's never gotten the donkey kong world record and there are a bunch of clips of him like crying and stuff but like overall steve seems like a pretty average human being like he's got a good life by any stretch of the imagination right for sure absolutely but I do think there was there's something about him when they were talking about like his his uh dexterity and like his ability with his hands and like you know he plays piano plays the drums was a great high school pitcher I think that that's the it's like the age-old question would you would you rather be uh completely average normal or be like exceptional for a little brief period of time but not like fully accomplish those goals that's what he's chasing like he has had moments where it feels like he's brushed up against being exceptional and to have that haunt you must fucking suck and then you just end up playing donkey kong in your garage for hours upon hours to the point where shout out steve's wife by the way she was actually the real hero of this documentary who was like yeah i kind of wish he wouldn't play donkey kong every night and maybe be like around and present but i also kind of want him to chase his dream she was a nice lady but she also looked like the most stereotypical like karen like if you could describe just karen the mom like that was steve weeby's wife oh she's definitely left like a few messages on twin galaxies voicemail being or she's yelped twin galaxies before right for sure i i thought that um being really really good on a little kid's drum set was such a good metaphor for being exceptionally talented at Donkey Kong. Yes.
Right. He's, he is, he is just so, so good at something that really doesn't mean anything.
So what you're saying is it goes back to the age old question of, I mean, you find it in sports a lot. Would you rather be Chase Daniel or Dan Marino? Right.
right right and i think dan marino would haunt

you like that would haunt you like it haunts dan marino whereas chase daniel has is probably very

at peace with like you know what this was my ability i maxed it out and i really couldn't

get more out of it where you know dan marino maybe not is the perfect analogy but steve weeby it felt

like he was always thinking i didn't oh i didn't never fully maxed out my ability in life right

One thing that I got to give credit to the filmmakers for, because I didn't realize this, I remember watching it back in the day too, and I didn't watch it again until the other day, but they also did an amazing job as making him the sympathetic figure, like Billy the bad guy, Billy's the guy that's on top, and then at the very end, they're just like, but Steve Weeby ended up winning, and now he holds both records. But they didn't make it look that way in the documentary.
They made it look like Steve Weeby is this sad guy. But at the very end, it's like Steve Weeby got exactly what he wanted.
Well, but he didn't, though. He didn't because – They just didn't show it.
No, but that's the part. That's the part that killed me with the documentary and we'll get into billy mitchell and his simp army but he never had the moment in front of his like the crowd he never had that moment where everyone was like dude you're the best it was that fucking loser uh ref guy what was his name was it wayward todd or something or what was his name i can't remember his name but he was the guy who was literally wearing like every scene they'd show him and he was sitting in his house just wearing a ref uniform i think it was walt walt oh yeah definitely waltor day big drug guy yeah waltor day and like waltor day was mean to steve weeby and everyone was rooting against steve weeby and then steve weeby drives flies all the way back home to seattle and he.
He's like, hey, man, sorry, I shouldn't have treated you like that. Like, that's not winning.
That's fucking bullshit. No, no, he had a letter from Flynn Galaxies and it says, so they wrote me a letter saying that they're sorry that they treated me like such shit.
He's like, I finally won. Like, that was his big crowning achievement.
But, I mean, to be fair, he had about eight hours at that first thing that he went to where he set the world record in Donkey Kong until Billy Mitchell's video of him beating that record in Donkey Kong showed up. So he had like a brief moment.
But I mean, then again, his moment wasn't congratulations. You're the best in the world at this.
It's congratulations. You're not a fraud like everyone thought that.
Right, right. So all right., Billy Mitchell, that moment was, I mean, that was, that moment is one of the greatest moments in documentary history.
So, Billy Mitchell, let's start with, let's go back to him for, like, his backstory. He is, the start of it, how he was basically, like, the first rock star video game guy.
They do the Life magazine, Steve Sanders, who lied about the donkey kong and then the unbelievable quote when billy mitchell was like steve sanders is the person he is today because he came under the wrath of billy mitchell and then they show this fucking guy steve sanders who's like brainwashed he's like billy's a rock star like i fucking love billy and it's it was like it seemed it seemed like he was like a successful lawyer that like in the beginning when they show me like oh this guy like got away from the video games like and now he lives a normal life and then he's just like still beholden to billy and like he's meeting him in the behind the restaurant being like oh billy's not coming and then billy pulls up it's like he's literally like by billy so what what do you think it is about billy mitchell that has him like have this loyal bootlicking simp army that he has created in the video game world is it well is it his ties is it his hair is it his hot sauce uh entire like empire or and this one i actually kind of think his wife has big tits and i think that that is the greatest equalizer in like nerd world where they're like, Whoa, Billy, look at the fucking, the tits on your wife. And then he just becomes the King of the nerds.
It's a combination of, of having a hot wife with just a phenomenal rack, the hair, which I mean, Billy Mitchell has the hair of an early nineties country music star and the personality of a Saudi prince. It's tough to get out of that because he just has such confidence in everything that he does.
It doesn't matter what he's saying. And what you'll find, just most human beings, they want to be domed.
They want to get turned into a sub. Everyone's walking around looking for a strong man to pull him by the nose and show him, okay, this is what you do.
And Billy found billy found i mean to his credit he found a pretty easy demo to just totally dominate which is the to be king of the nerds but all you have to do is if you say anything with enough confidence and you've trained yourself in like body language and you've got a smoking hot wife that follows you everywhere you can get nerds to do whatever you say and a hot sauce empire and it's the it's so fascinating watching this documentary and seeing these guys follow billy around and take everything he says is gospel and then the one guy that he's had problems with in the past was mr awesome the guy who actually got hot chicks as well and mr awesome one of my favorite quotes the most one of the most underrated quotes was Steve Wiebe, who is a passive guy,

you know,

gets this first moment where he hits this block where he submits his score, he's got the high record, and then all of fucking Billy Mitchell's weird loser minions come running and, like, delegitimize it. And Mr.
Awesome's like, I told Steve Wiebe he's got to fight this and I I de-chumpatized him and I was like fuck yes let's go with Mr. Awesome Mr.
Awesome who I don't even know what he like he was he you know what Mr. Awesome was he was like a a failed like wrestler who just never had never got like to the WWF and but had the whole shtick and everything behind it and then when he got later on in life like he had male pattern baldness and he was like yeah I was at one point Mr.
Awesome well so the thing about Mr. Awesome is he was he was a lot like Billy except he was he was Billy if he was a professional wrestler he had the same mentality as Billy he the same goals as Billy.
They just butted heads because they were too similar.

Mr.

Awesome was the only person that didn't buy into Billy's shit.

Right.

And you're right.

His quote was everything would have fell right into place, but he forgot about one thing.

He forgot about me convincing Steve Weeby not to be a chump,

talking him out of chumpatizing himself.

Chumpatizing himself.

And he,

and yeah,

it's Mr.

If Mr. Awesome was good at Donkey Kong, he would have taken down Billy Mitchell and history would have been different.
But Billy Mitchell, like I think there was somebody who said that Billy Mitchell got the record so early and basically- It was so high. Not only was it so high, but he also, like talk about corruption, the fucking like governing body of video games, Billy Mitchell has his hands all hands all over it he's like one of the refs he's looking at the videos with all these guys so it brings us to that moment and the the worst slash best character in this entire documentary i think we can all agree is brian coo brian coo, scurrying around the video game place,

calling himself a prodigy, calling Billy with updates,

and, like, then the best was where he's like,

hey, we're about to have a kill screen at Donkey Kong.

We're about to have a kill, like, going around and tapping everyone on the shoulder,

like, Donkey Kong kill screen if you want to check it out.

And no one gave a fuck.

Like, people were like, dude, get the fuck away from me, you weird's the worst frank who is the worst i hate him yeah no when he was talking about uh the difference between steve weavey and billy mitchell at this when they first got the fun spot and he had to like throw himself in there he's like you know billy's the guy that's been around for a while steve is like his fierce rival and i guess a lot of people people are calling me, you know, the prodigy. First of all, he was, I'm guessing 28, 29 years old.
You stop being a prodigy after the age of 12. Like you're no longer a boy.
You're no longer a man child or a wonder kind after you reach the age of 11. Right.
So he's like, I guess I'm kind of the next one up. people are saying that about me and he's just he's a good combination of being just a a big time nerd and a spy so he's always he's like billy's eyes and ears when billy can't be somewhere and i hate the word bootlicker because we've been called bootlickers but he truly is a bootlicker like he will walk around in the shadow of of billy mitchell wherever he goes he actually reminds me of philip seymour hoffman's character in uh boogie nights where he's just like following around dirk diggler and being like you're awesome dude like you fuck so awesome can i watch you fuck your wife billy like this is fucking sick dude i can't imagine what it'd be like to have sex with a woman also very very belichickianichickian of Billy Mitchell.
Like the funniest part, the part with Brian that had me dying laughing was when Steve was asking him, he's like, can I, can I watch like the record film? He's like, nope, one time only. Like that was a one time viewing.
Yes. It's like, what? Oh my God.
And like all the time and Billy being so awkward where he wouldn't show up. Like Steve Weeby goes to Billy's backyard 10 miles away and Billy won't come and play.
And like, we never saw Billy play video games. It was so bizarre to watch this guy.
Cause he was so scared of losing his status of the King of the nerds. You know, it was a guy with a weightlifting glove that showed up.
He became, I think he became Steve's only friend

because he didn't really have any other friends in the community.

But yeah, he rolls with his own glove like a mercenary brings their own rifle to war.

He's like, this is great.

It's a weightlift.

First of all, a weightlifting glove being used to play video games is hilarious to begin with.

And then how he was like, I discovered that weightlifting gloves don't have fingers. I was fingers i was like dude you know you can just take any glove and cut the fingers off yourself he him saying like people don't know this is a weightlifting glove it's like yeah we all do know it is you guys gotta watch i don't know if you watch any of the deleted scenes but there's a deleted scene with him where he's like explaining one of the games that he loves playing and he this is a quote so there's a quote this isn't me saying it but he was like actually i'm let me find it and play it because it's so fucking funny i think it will come through in the recording but he is uh he's you're right pft he was like the only one who had steve weeby's back because he was just in his own world of like not even falling into the billy mitchell army that god how much like free hot sauce do you think he had to give all these guys to like fall in line at all times i'll be honest with you i think he just bought them i could be brainwashed into joining billy mitchell's simp army he does he's that charismatic yeah he has alpha qualities about him the only like when he had when he when they all had the like the trailer party for the the viewing like he probably bought the pizza for everyone.
I was telling myself maybe I could join the Billy Mitchell simp army until I saw his car. That, to me, brought his alpha status way, way down.
He's driving a white two-door GeoTracker or something like that. A guy like Billy Mitchell absolutely has to minimum a convert minimum a camaro convertible okay like i need you to be driving in some sort of red sports car i don't need you to be pulling up in like a 1991 chevy cavalier white like as they roll it off the off the lot doesn't even have a paint job on it oh my god it should be noted though someone someone dm me and and and i don't know if we want to talk about the email because that was also hilarious but billy got like sued and stripped of all his titles in 2016 yes yes yes which is good that but again it's classic steve weeby he has this documentary made about him and you have to go find out after that billy mitchell got everything stripped of this one other other thing I noticed about this documentary is it was very, very short.
So maybe it's just me being desensitized to watching like Game of Thrones and all this other stuff. Like, you know, I've been watching Tiger King, stuff that you can binge.
It was about 75 minutes. And when it was over, I was like, wait, this is weird.
Wait, you mean you're not going to tell me there's three episodes about steve's high school baseball team to get like a full backstory on them but then i was like yeah this is how movies typically are yes yes absolutely he it's it's so true because if it was made today it would be like six hours longer and i would watch six hours more i would can you guys hear this right Well, my title, of course, is Crystal Castles. I think I'm going to die here.
I need a hat. Crystal Castles is where you control a bear, as dumb as that sounds.
Normally, I'd describe a game like that as gay, but it is a kick-ass game. I think it's one of the few games that has an ending, especially that early.
It's like, I want an ending. No, we want the game to go on and on so players can play and new quarters won't come in the machine.
Idiots. It's the suits and their low brain power.
I'm a late bloomer. I think we talked about this before, but the neat thing is today's my birthday.
I'll lead into that. In 83, I was 20.
Today I turned 43. Oh yeah, I noticed that earlier and I noticed that I didn't mention it to you guys.
This is actually technically a weight lifting glove because I discovered in the 80s that you could buy a weight lifting glove which was fingerless and I used it to play Marble Madness. See the double padding? The guys that played marble, they used to call it a marble hand.
You would get calluses, you would get pinches, you would get bruising from the pinches that would get it. And so I said, you know, this is nuts.
I'm going to get a glove and protect my hand when I play marble. So occasionally I play marble.
Occasionally I use this to avoid calluses from certain joystick games. So, that's the purpose of the glove.
The top is, you know, breathable so your hand doesn't get hot. Here, you can do marble madness, trackball all day long.
Ain't going to do jack other than make the glove black. So, that's the purpose of the glove.
I'm not sure of very many people who wear it. in the 80s they sold gloves like this probably for like 20 bucks or some ripoff so the weightlifting guy had a clip on these deleted scenes go watch all the deleted scenes where he's talking about one of the games he's awesome at and it's called crystal castles and he also he also thought he came up with like this innovative uh way of of making all the games sound shorter, so he's like, Paperboy, I call that Paper.
Crystal Castles, I call that Crystals. So he's like, Crystal Castles, the main character is a bear, which as dumb as that sounds, I'd usually call a game like that gay, and he just goes off on the Crystal Castles game, and it's like, I want a documentary about this guy because he's playing a fucking video game with his foot.
He's wearing weightlifting gloves and he becomes friends with Steve Weeby. It's like that guy needs a full documentary about him.
Yeah. He's all over the place.
We need to talk also about after Steve Weeby gets the donkey Kong record, Billy Mitchell has his thugs show up at his house and like knock on his door and his wife's there and his wife's like, I'm sorry, who are you? They're like, we're from twin galaxies. We're here to verify the Donkey Kong record.
She's like, I got to go to work. Can you come back? No, ma'am.
No, we need to be left inside right now. Oh my God.
And Billy Mitchell, he compared himself to the Red Baron and he compared himself to the issue of abortion. Yeah, he goes, I'm like the abortion issue.
Everyone has a strong opinion on me. And then he goes, I'm not God.
I don't have all the answers. And you can tell that he's just thinking, like, I don't have all the answers yet.
But I kind of am God. He is God.
Also, the other thing with Billyell that i noticed is he's a big time uh like tell like he kept saying this like the thing over and over again like that tape's more important than you like you said to the grandma and they said to brian ku yeah and he's a big time yeah he rehearses his lines yeah he just says them over and over again he workshops every statement until it becomes a fine pointed sword yeah uh billy is uh he's a big time he's a big time like at who's there tell me who's there yeah yeah oh yeah who's there and who'd they bring what are they wearing like oh shit steve webe just showed up uninvited steve sanders that little fucking snitch god damn it he was wait steve's at my restaurant i'll be right there then he pulls pulls up in his fucking 91 Toyota Corolla with a tape deck that doesn't even work. But at the end of the day, Billy Mitchell, we're trashing him.
But man, the guy has charisma. And you know what he did? He also made it about country over everything because he wears that American flag and the Statue of Liberty tie.
And he had that things like, you know what my initials are? USA. There was one point that he was, I think his spin zone to himself was saying that it's, it's anyone can get the Donkey Kong world record, but it's a lot harder to continuously be at the top of the leaderboard.
So it's a, it's a lot harder to get like on top and then stay on top than it is to just get one he was like minimizing steve beating him yeah and then somebody asked him a question about like would you consider yourself the best video game player in the world and then he did this thing where he paused for a second he goes gee now that i think about it i guess i would say that but he clearly wasn't thinking about it it was just him being like yeah yeah i am yeah and then they and then they pull back the camera it was actually brian coo asking him that because that's what he asked him every fucking day like hey billy do you think you're the best everyone should be so lucky to have a brian coo in their life seriously give me a brian coo let's track down brian coo and we forgot to say foul ball guy making making a couple cameos there with the shaved head was awesome yeah it seemed like he like that was just his just his hangout. Like, they just, like, that wasn't, they didn't get him for the documentary.
Like, he was just there. Oh, yeah.
No, I mean, that one place in New Hampshire with all the video games looked awesome. Yeah, the other notable guy was the chief referee.
Like, I was just wondering how many records got either missed or, like, things that got overlooked because, like, there's just one referee just watching tape. Like that's the only, that's it.
In the doom three shirt. Yeah.
Yes. Best.
That guy, that guy has quarantine hair before quarantine hair became cool. He had like all those FedEx packages of nothing but VHS tapes.
He was like, yeah, this is about like 80 hours a week worth of work that I put in here. Yeah.
And then there was that other guy. I might've even been Brian Koo who was like, yeah, I just retired at the age of 30 and I moved close to fun spots.
So I could play these games all the time. No one talked about the quarter situation though.
Like no one brought up how much money they were spending on these guys. I assume that they're not free, right? Yeah.
I would assume they aren't. So they're just, just well i guess if you own the machine but yeah yeah you're right the the kill screen i mean i never knew that existed that was fucking cool when they're just like yeah the game just ends got a kill screen got a kill screen coming up that's the ultimate domination of a robot you just make it kill itself like you've beaten me human oh man billy's footage was the most doctored footage of all time to all time all but remember this was i think this was taped in 2001 so it's like this is before real photoshops and all this stuff so like this is the last time that someone could actually pull this kind of shit off yeah i mean i thought that i thought the the documentary makers did a very funny job where it was like these are the standards and then it just shows them like being like all right yeah it sounds like a good score yeah yeah billy oh you go put in the internet right now like yeah billy you happen to send a tape in 10 minutes after steve weeby broke your record oh okay yeah yeah that works we never found out what happened with the cubert score he sent that lady to beat the world record in cubert and he gave her the tape did she did she end up doing that i was rooting for her she was in the uh she was in the post credits like the oh no she actually passed away that was like in a loving memory of her come on that makes sense no but first it was like first like whatever her name was killer billy killed her because she was still traveling the world like trying to break the record and then at the very end it was like in loving memory dude billy i mean that is that that's the core of billy right there he will send an old like unsuspecting lady to new hampshire put her on a plane be like go break that hubert record but really don't fucking lose this package and he'll use her to get his way to be on top of the Donkey Kong leaderboard.
He bought her a Qbert machine, knowing that the only reason was that one day he could send her up to New Hampshire in the wintertime and be like, hey, the cold air will be good for your lungs. Sends her up there just to play a doctored video tape.
Oh, my God. And the only reason he wanted to do that was so that he could be sitting at home listening to his buddy Brian Kuh tell him how the room was reacting.
Billy, every eye is watching this tape right now. There are about 20 people here.
Everyone is just glued to this screen watching you, Billy. No one's going to miss this.
Yeah, more of a scene than Helena Troy is what he said. One of a kind.
kind one of a kind all right uh that's our show unbelievable documentary i mean if we should we end it should we end it with sean jones yeah let's end it with sean jones we're trying to get billy on the show what happened with that hank i emailed so i had previously emailed with billy and this other guy sean jones who was like told was this was like one of his guys for advisors and he ghosted me. And so I hit him back up and they're like, Oh, we're interested, blah, blah, blah.
I'll let you know. They ghosted me again.
And then I followed up today, like, please just kind of get an answer. And they were just like, Oh, you know, he's got some lawsuits going on, but he'll be happy to come on whenever he has something going on.
And the email is from Sean Jones, just a guy named Sean Jones. And PFT pointed out, he's like, Sean Jones is definitely Billy, right?

Talking to third person.

That's absolutely, it's an assistant that Billy made up,

like Trump made up John Barron back in the 80s

to like talk to reporters and shit.

Sean Jones, the fact that he emailed you immediately was like,

Billy's got some lawsuits going on.

He wants to talk to you and he will talk to you,

but just give him a second to resolve all this.

Like very, very clearly.

It's another sip.

It's probably Brian Koo. Okay, so it's not billy it might not be billy it might be brian but brian has like too much of a workload from handling all billy's day-to-day so he created another persona to handle more of billy's work yes yeah he might billy might not even know about sean jones it might just be brian ku just trying to shield him, Billy, from the world.
Well, it was, I tweeted, I tweeted out. Made up a simp for himself, to simp by proxy for Billy Mitchell.
It was, I will say that I tweeted out, I was like, Billy Mitchell is ghosting me right now, and within like 25 seconds, I got an email back. It was, it was shocking response time.
Wait, so did you, did you tag Billy Mitchell? Yes. Okay.
But you just saw it and then Sean Jones happened to email you? Correct. Interesting.
After like three emails from the past two days of being like trying to get an answer. Is Billy verified on Twitter? No, Billy Pac-Man.
All right. We'll hopefully get Billy on.
There are all these small clues that tell me that Billy's not quite as big of an alpha as I think that he was at first. We'd love to have him on.
So, Billy, please, we'd love to have you on, talk to you about all of this. All right.
That's our show. Also, with all this video game talk, go subscribe to our Twitch channel.
Go subscribe to our Twitch. These guys walked so that we can run on twitch true good point and then uh everyone threw out documentary or things we could watch for next friday we'll just keep doing this i think we should just keep picking something every week that we can review uh and we'll just do it on fridays because we've got nothing else to fucking do maybe game of thrones maybe we all get into game of thrones let's see everyone

monday love you guys god i really want joffrey i hate joffrey i would i would love for them to

make like another one of these

talking away I don't know what

I'm to say I'm saved anyway

today's another day to find you

shy it away

I'll be coming for your love again

shy it away. I'll be coming for your lover.
Shine it away. I'll be coming for your lover.
Take on Take on me. Take me on.
I'll be gone. Give it to your team.
The things that you say is in a light bulb. Just a funny memory away.
You are the things I've got to remember. You're shining away.
I'll be coming for you anyway.

Take on me.

Take me on.