Tom Brady Is Gone + Dr. Anthony Fauci Talking Coronavirus

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we have a very special interview, a little different, Dr. Anthony Fauci, who is basically the head of all science in trying to fight coronavirus.
So we got some answers on what is coronavirus? What should we be doing? If you have coronavirus or you think you do, what should you do? So we have all, there's a lot of information out there. We've got it straight from the guy who's basically been doing his life's work of beating diseases like coronavirus.
So awesome interview. Make sure you tune in.
Make sure you listen. There also with some news some nfl news why what happened well well you know what let's just get to the ad and we'll get to that uh he's already doing faces he's already doing faces hank just do soggy sorrows right now he's already doing i feel like hank should be wet for this entire interview ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working? Nah, neither has Ariat.
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Okay, let's go.

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Today is Wednesday, March 18th, and Tom Brady is officially a tampa bay buccaneer that is not not official crazy to hear he lied he decided to not lie to our listeners he's not signed anything it is not official so it's not true so we have a great interview with dr anthony fauci coming up this very informative informative everyone should listen hank right before we started recording said hey do you think we should change it up and put dr anthony fauci at the beginning whoa and we both paused for a second we're like what why would we do that and then because hank was trying to save lives i'll give you credit for that hank and hank was also dipping into the oh was there a sports ball move yeah out there oh i really you care about sports that's interesting i care about reading uh so hank was telling me earlier that did that suck by the way brady leave we should probably bring that up what are your friend tom fornelly had did have a text so i have it right here yeah i don't see that text he's a fraud he doesn't put me on this okay so this is this is from a friend Tom Fernelli. He said, wow, not only does Tom Brady break Hank's heart, but he does so.
He didn't break my heart. Can I finish the text? I don't care what he says.
Not only does he break Hank's heart, but he does so in a letter, forcing Hank to have to read. Ugh.
And there were a lot of words. Really twisted that night.
I didn't read them all. All right, so let's actually start.
I want to go through your range of emotions, and then we'll talk about what it means for a greater. I was hoping Tom Brady was just going to do the decision with only Hank sitting behind him.
And then he tells the camera, like, I'm taking my talents to Tampa Bay, and Hank just melts into a pile of just tears. Talk about an all-time hezy hay fakeout by tweeting forever a patriot and then tweeting so many words that you read it and by the time you're at the end, you're like, wait, oh, he's leaving? Because I saw forever a patriot.
I was like, oh, here it is. What we all were expecting, Tom Brady's going to sign with the Patriots.
Why did we even go through this act? Instead, it's the exact opposite. It's foolish that we've been told for the last month and a half Jeff Darlington was saying it to our face.
He's not going to be a Patriot, and we still are shocked. But Hank, please, tell us how the morning went.
It was a tough morning. I was woken up by my girlfriend, Relationship Lockwood, and she was like, I have some terrible news.
I, no. I don't know if you want me to tell you.
Oh, no. And I thought it was like Corona.
I couldn't imagine what she was talking about, but I was like, tell me, thinking it was Corona related. She was probably scared to tell you.
Yeah, that's so much worse that Rhea broke it to you. She was.
She was like Tom Brady, and I was like, what the fuck? And then I checked my phone and saw a bunch of like, oh, Hank, Hank, from big cat i said hank question mark pft responded what did you respond well so we were basically saying that it's better off like the longer hank can sleep without knowing the better for him we were we were in time we were basically like hank is sleeping right now it's the last great sleep of his life he is the little boy has his eyes closed and he's dreaming of tom brady i was saying that your your little arms are twitching like a puppy's when they sleep and in your dreams you're holding up a sign that says thank you for staying tom brady right and then you wake up to ria shaking you and it's all bad dream yeah then basically the piano from see you again started playing and then that song just played on repeat in my brain for the next like seven hours i hours. I don't know.
It's crazy. It's one of those things where it's like, I think Patriots haters, you guys, you want, like, no matter what, you can never take away, like, the six championships.
No, I'm not a Patriots hater. We're not.
Hold on. But people are acting like Tom Brady leaving the Patriots means that, like, I don't know.
It's not. It wasn't.
It was heartbreaking, but it was more of like. I kind of agree with Hank.
I reminisced. I was reminiscing more than I was crying in my Cheerios.
Hank, you're making a good point, though, which is, yeah, Tom Brady leaving, it kind of does take away a little bit from the championships because he's not wrapping up his career there. It's kind of weird.
What if he goes, he wins a championship in Tampa Bay next year? I'd say that that kind of makes him. Is he going in the Hall of Fame as a Buccaneer or as a Patriot?

Okay, so luckily though, it's happened, I mean,

hold on, Pierce left,

Manny left, Pedro left,

but this is not, I don't think,

there are definitely some people that like Patriot haters

who are like rejoicing.

I think it's just an utterly

fascinating, like all-time

sports debate. It actually goes back to

similar to the end of the Bulls run. Jerry Kraus famously organizations win championships, not players.
Is it Tom Brady? Or is it Bill Belichick? And I think everyone's always had that debate, and now we get to kind of find out. And I wonder...
We gotta see how much he signs for. He's also 40.
It'll be fucked up if he has a bad year and people are like, oh, the reason he won those championships was because of Belichick, because he's old. He's not his prime.
It's not entirely fair. You're right, because it was 20 years, six championships.
That's unprecedented. Probably never be done again.
So to say, oh, they don't like each other? I mean, Belichick's note to him brought me to tears. It was amazing.
What did he say? I actually missed it. It was like he is the peak of like Patriot Way.
He said he was the founder of the Patriot Way. He was one of the founders, excuse me, not totally in charge.
He won three out of four championships his first three years and has won like three out of six in his last at the end and he was competing the entire time in between. Does it twist the knife at all knowing that he did this on Boston's most sacred holiday of St.
Patrick's Day? I mean, the Dropkick Murphys weren't even putting on a live concert for an audience, and this happens. It's the Irish goodbye.
I had a lot of friends that were like, it's fucked up that we're in quarantine because it's just like, they want to go out, they need to drink. It's hard to cope with these type of realities.
It was a little messed up. He did it on St.
Patrick's Day. It's crazy that it happened in this alternate weird world we're all living in right now,

which we don't even think is real.

And then this happens on top of all of it, and it's the Bucs.

And you're like, what is going on?

This is crazy.

I was saying it to PFT earlier.

It actually makes sense that he went to the Bucs during this whole outbreak.

Because everything's upside down.

We're living in the upside down.

Nothing is right.

Everything makes no sense.

So if he just came back to the Patriots, and that be like a oh that makes sense business as usual everything's going along the way a logical brain would expect it to like it's spring there's baseball there's march madness there's nba there's hockey brady's on the patriots but now it's the exact opposite and it's like that makes more sense than if he signed with the patriots good point good point so I'm gonna throw out a few things that went through my head of why he might have done this and we'll obviously I mean I guess maybe he will say exactly why people will point to the Belichick relationship I think that's probably unfair because it's like we said 20 years and it's always tough for that long like that's a crazy amount of success for so long that eventually it's got to end, right?

I feel like that is the reason.

What?

I feel like it was something between those two.

Yeah, so my question is, now do you think...

Not that you blame either one of them,

but I think that's what it was.

Well, I think Belichick has proven throughout the years

that he will always walk away from a guy a year too early

than a year too late,

and it probably was a situation where he's like,

I'm not going to pay a 42-year-old quarterback

$30 million a year for multiple years

I'm going to go ahead a 42 year old quarterback 30 million dollars a year for multiple years when I had him is basically Brady when Brady started is what is that what you're going with no that's what is that what Belichick is no one thinks he's gonna be good you're going with yeah okay all right what about quarterbacks that aren't very good what about what about the idea that Bruce Arians is the perfect anti-Belichick?

Because, one, he's just going to be like, hey, dude, you can throw it as much as you want.

Two, he probably has been drunk at least in half of the meetings he had with Tom Brady.

And three, he famously is like, yeah, we do our work and we go home.

It's like the opposite of the Patriot way.

Yeah.

I think he's fired people for missing youth sports games because they're kids and stuff. Yeah, so he's like, well, I don't know.
Is paint in the TB12 diet? I know tomatoes, strawberries are no-go. Do you think it has anything to do with Tom Brady being Tampa Bay and that's just like the perfect synergy in terms of branding? That helps.
I didn't think about that. You did not think about that.
That does help. Let me throw – I got a little scenario for you, Henry.
What happens – Don't be mad. You're in the eyes like you want to fight me.
You want to fight me. What do you mean it's very obvious? No, Tampa Bay, Tom Brady.
TB. I didn't know else to say it.
He is TB12 and TB. Yeah, right.
He should get tuberculosis too. Have a threefer.
So how about this, Hank? Tom Brady makes the Super Bowl next year with the Buccaneers in their stadium in Tampa. They play against the Patriots.
Who are you rooting for? No comment. I honestly don't know how.
Your fandom is so tied in with Tom Brady that it might even supersede the Patriots family. I mean, Tom Brady has given me my entire life.
I was seven years old. My life blood and the maturity process, puberty, all of those things were drastically altered because of Tom Brady.
He taught all of New England how to be a winner. So it's tough to be like, oh, I'm just going to root for the Patriots because they're the Patriots.
It's like Tom Brady and Belichick, but if Belichick went to another team and it was Belichick against the Patriots, it would be the same thing where it's like, you owe Belichick so much because he's given you so much. Same thing as for Brady.
With Belichick, it'd be like you're rooting for a team against your team. With Brady, it's like you can convince yourself that you're rooting for the individual.

I think right now you're in a very vulnerable state.

The world is a weird place.

I think once we actually kick off the NFL season, that will be a different answer.

I'll be a humongous Tampa Bay ball. Oh, I know, but I'm saying if it came down to that, I don't think it would be even a question for you.

I think it would be you're rooting for the Patriots.

And if somehow Tom Brady wins, then it's at least not the worst thing. Yeah.
Here's the one thing is Belichick. I don't know.
I've always been like I hate so much when people try and tarnish Brady's legacy. Like that's just a defensive instinct.
If he lost to the Patriots they'd be like oh that would be terrible. That would be terrible to listen to.
Think about it. Well Belichick would win win the argument.
Right, which would be... But you'd also have a seventh ring.
And Belichick would... That's the thing.
Belichick, of all the teams... If you're going to pick a Hall of Famer, the greatest of all time to walk away, you've got a pretty good guy in charge who's probably had a plan in place for many years.
He probably has known this day was coming four years ago.

He's prepared for it.

He definitely has some plans in place.

Andy Dalton is somehow going to make Andy Dalton an unbelievable quarterback.

I mean, the real question and the people that we have to think of in times like these is

what are the people that have the Tom Brady 12 jersey as their Twitter avatars and have

for the last four years?

What are they going to do?

Are you going to change it to a Tampa Bay Buccaneers?

Those people will probably are Patriots.

We'll see you next time. jersey as their Twitter avatars and have for the last four years, what are they going to do? Are you going to change it to a Tampa Bay Buccaneers? Those people will probably are Patriots.
They'll stick around. They're getting ready.
Well, I'm actually shocked that nobody's made the connection between Goodell and Brady leaving. Like maybe he was involved.
Maybe he encouraged Brady to leave somehow. Here's a weird thing that I don't think anyone has kind of realized right now because this has been such a weird day, week, whatever you want to call it.
Forget Tom Brady, the visual of Tom Brady in a Bucs uniform. How about the fact that the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are going to play, like, six primetime games next year.
They're going to be featured in every single game. I need the creamsicles to come back.
We're going to watch so many Bucs games on Sunday night, Monday night. It will be...
They'll max it out. I think it's like five or six.
Yep. They will be maxed out Monday and Sunday night, Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
What fucking world do we live in? A month from today, April 17th. Is what? Schedules.
Schedules. Oh, that's going to be big.
Dude, that actually will be... Well, they don't play the Patriots this year.
Like, we shouldn't joke. That will that will actually be an enormous day with nothing else going on.
That's all we have left. Like, that's going to be huge.
As a matter of fact, they should just announce one week at a time. Did you see someone – For 16 days.
Someone said – Or 17 days. And give us, like, here's – okay, we're unveiling the week one schedule.
And then you get to play in your bye weeks and everything. Yes.
And then people, instead of doing the automatic thing where you get – you look at the schedule and everyone says, okay, I think my team's going 10-6 this year. They have to update the records along the way of what they're going to go.
I like that. Do you see someone had the idea that we should do the draft one pick a day? Agreed.
I love it. For the first round, just start it.
Start it whenever you start it. Whatever it is.
April, whatever. Yeah.
And first pick, boom. Second pick, the next day.
Something to talk about every day hank was saying earlier today that that tom brady's departure has taught him a lot about life because he has grown up so like intertwined with tom brady and tom's been such a big part of your experiences as a kid and now like you went through is really the first time that you that you lost something like that yeah most people just watch like watch, like, This Is Us and cry, but Tom Brady leaving, that's your moment. Yeah, I mean, I would compare it to, like, you know, a child.
They grow up with their parents, and then after the child is old enough, like, out of college or whatever, the parents come forward and are like, hey, like, you know, we never want to tell you this, but we actually don't get along and we're getting a divorce. But at that point, you're so old, and it's like all right, well, you know, you always have this fairy tale like your parents are married, but it's like you have a harsh reality of like, this is just how it is.
They don't love each other anymore. Okay.
By the way, so other stories that came out of the Tom Brady Schefter, maybe his finest work yet of hopping on breaking news. You getting tricked? Oh, yeah.
Oh, I did get tricked. Oh, I got totally tricked.
Oh, I got totally tricked. And I said I did.
It was because Matt Hasselbeck retweeted it in my timeline. You gotta look for that blue check.
Matt Hasselbeck can't fucking do that. That's why I got one.
Also, technically when I saw that too. Also, technically it was true.
Well, I saw that and I was like, my initial reaction was like, there's no way. So I was like, Matt Ashford.
But it is true. There's no way he's going to go to the Bucs.
But it is true. He is going to the Bucs.
But Schefter did the, when Tom Brady. If the Patriots wear the fucking, I'll say this right now.
If the Patriots wear the blue. Here comes the anger.
It was a love story for the first 10 minutes. The blue jerseys from like the 90s that they haven't worn, the throwback ones they haven't worn for the last 20 years.
They wear it this year. I will fucking cry.
I will will cry what do you think Jules is doing right now? he's working on his reps he's thinking maybe I'll be the next quarterback so that it does open up a Pandora's box of which quarterback are you going to bring in because I don't think that they're just going to go with Stidham they've got to bring in I've heard Derek Carr's name thrown around a certain future Hall of famer now is looking for a job jamis winston yeah which by the way we should talk about that because we have to discuss what we're going to do with uh sitting on a corner yeah so yeah we do we we go flacco you could probably get joe flacco no stop trying to make joe flacco nick foals i would like foals is out there. I'd rather have Flacco than Foles.
Okay. Foles greater than Flacco.
Yes. So Schefter.
At any point. Schefter had Tom Brady released his own saying, I'm not going to be a patriot anymore.
And Schefter had a report dovetailing off that, that Adam Schefter reports Tom Brady has not decided yet where he's going to go. That was the report on ESPN.
It was the classic Chris Broussard confirming that LeBron James is going back to Cleveland after LeBron James said he was going back to Cleveland. I think the big loser in this entire transaction is not the Patriots.
It's not Hank. It's actually los angeles chargers because yeah they could spanos and the chargers could have pulled an all-time fuck you move to the owners you'll remember when they were doing the relocation vote yep and all that stuff the owners pulled a snake move on the chargers and fucked him over and fucked him out of the uh the las vegas bid and then made them share a stadium be like the second tier roommates with the rams if the chargers had offered brady equity in the football team after his retirement because i don't think that they can give it to him as he's playing every owner in the nfl would have been so pissed off about that and it would have been the perfect opportunity for some real vengeance some like counterminding cristo shit, but they blew it.
You could have done it, Chargers.

You could have had it all. Didn't have it all together.

And now the Chargers.

So, all right.

So Tom Brady's on the box, Hank.

Can you just say that out loud so that we can know that you have confirmed it?

I mean, he is.

He is not.

He is.

He's going to be a Buccaneer.

He's going to be a Buccaneer.

He's probably going to be a Buccaneer pending tomorrow.

Okay.

Today.

Just say it.

Say it.

What happens tomorrow? You think he's flying? He becomes an official free agent at four o'clock p.m. okay so as of right now free agent jamis winston oh by the way did you when you read the initial tweet were you like maybe he's just announcing his free agency there was a there was a point where i was deciphering the tweet and i was confused by i was confused by the Patriots for everything.
That was a very confusing headline. I convinced myself because someone was like, I was like, maybe he's just going to retire, or maybe because he said he has future things going on in football, maybe that meant he was going to be an announcer.
Oh, my God. Do you guys remember the TV Times? His fake newspaper that he would put out after every single game last year? Do you remember the animal that was in it? It was an alligator.
Alligators native to Tampa. And he never explained what the alligator meant, but it was in every cartoon.
In other news, I watched a documentary on giraffes. Okay, that's good.
That's fucking awesome animal. Super interesting.
Sean's going into the Patriots. So Tom Brady's a buck.
Now we have other places that guys need. So Jameis needs a place.
Cam Newton needs a place. He was doing his hieroglyphics.
They fucked Cam Newton. Yeah, they did.
The Carolina Panthers tweeting, like, thanks for the memories when he's still signed to the team is diabolical. So Teddy Bridgewater went to the Panthers.
Andy Dalton needs a place. Marcus Mariota already went to the Raiders.
I don't know where all these... I don't know...
Where's Jameis going to go? Has anyone... Somebody said that he might be a backup, but let me tell you, Jameis is nobody's backup.
Jameis is a starting quarterback in this league. He led the league in yards.
How about the Bears just destroying Mitch's confidence? I feel like you've kind of buried the lead with this entire podcast. Every yard that he throws is actually even a longer yard, so he would have led the league by more if he had normal-sized hands.
He's going to be a Bear, or he's going to be a Patriot. I would love him to be a Bear.
He's not going to be a Patriot. The bottom line is he's nobody's back.
The Mitch thing, I mean, I tweeted that yesterday. The Bears are going to be in on every single quarterback out there and somehow get none of them and completely demolish what little is left of Mitch Trubisky's confidence to the point where...
Well, it's got to be gone now. Seeing the reports yesterday.

Cordero Patterson tweeted at Tom Brady saying, like, what's good?

Right after he announced it.

Alan Robinson retweeted who was the odds on favor to get Cam Newton being the Bears.

Like, it's over.

It's bad. So it would be only fitting for the Bears to finish off the coup de grace of just not getting any of them and being like, Mitch is our start.
We feel confident in Mitch. What if the Patriots get Mitch and then run it back? It would probably be a fucking pro bowler.
That would be legendary, wouldn't it? I would love that. Now, what about maybe Derek Carr to the Patriots? And if Derek Carr goes to the Patriots, then maybe Jameis to the Raiders? Oh, Derek Carr also has been linked to the Bears as well.
But again, they'll screw everything up. But yes, I like that.
Jameis to the Raiders. Jameis to the Raiders.
And I think they only say that Bears are in because they know Mayock has their phone number. Right.
So it's like, oh, they've made a deal in the past. An ATM withdrawal.
Like, oh, let's just go get some more draft picks from the Bears.

Exactly.

I will say I turned on,

when I turned on NFL Network for like the first thing they were talking about

was Schrager being like,

well,

you know,

Bill Belichick and Nick Saban go way back.

Like the Patriots could trade up and get Tua.

Yeah.

You had the Tua text today.

That really tickled.

Like that was like the first thing I heard.

And I was like,

oh,

oh,

Tua.

This might not be so bad after all. The, um, I i wonder who else like the chargers were obviously in on brady i actually heard that the bears made a late push which i would have loved to hear matt nagy being like tom we would love for you to run some rpos and like get out on the edge and like really use your mobility they're like not changing anything of his offense to be like this is your place their late push is just so that they can say, we made an effort too.
Because the last thing you want is a team that has a bad quarterback situation to feel like, oh, they didn't even make an attempt to get the best quarterback of all time besides Joe Montana to be on your team. Be like Tom Brady.
Like, Tom, 2013, when you were in your peak, you know who else we got? Jimmy Graham, 2013. Let's fucking roll back the clock, baby.
Let's do this. This is great.
Jimmy Graham, impact tight end. I can't believe he got $9 million.
I know it's nothing. He's great if you like a tight end that's allergic to blocking.
Yeah, and catching and getting open. Yeah.
He can't do anything anymore. That's true.
So it's really, he really is my fantasy football draft strategy of just drafting name brands. Like that guy was good once.
Dude, I would draft Eddie George right now. I think I had Andre Johnson on my team in 2017.
Speaking of Andre Johnson. Oh, Bill O'Brien.
Don't let, don't let most of the world contracting a deadly disease and Tom Brady switching teams distract you from the fact that Bill O'Brien could not negotiate himself out of his own whole chin. I think Bill O'Brien, the only explanation for him making this trade is he is the world's biggest spike guy.
Like he hates DeAndre Hopkins and was like, you know what? I fucking hate you. I'm going to make I'm going to get it's embarrassing.
He could basically walk around saying, that's all you're worth. A washed up running back in a second round pick.
He did the same with Clowney too. Yes, yes.
He is a spike guy. I mean, this is going to be my hot seat.
My hot seat was just going to be any talented player on the Houston Texans because I remain convinced to this day that Bill O'Brien is a sleeper agent for Bill Belichick, as are all of his former assistant coaches that go out across the country, take jobs, usually in the AFC, implode teams, and then come back to ensure the Patriots can get to the Super Bowl faster. I think that's pretty clear that that's what Bill O'Brien's doing.
Like, the only reason he hasn't traded Deshaun Watson is because that would just blow his cover entirely. Right.
And it was great that Stefan Diggs got traded for significantly more right after. And everyone's like, wait, how did this work out? That he got – Stefan Diggs got traded for a first, a fifth, a sixth, and a fourth.
And you're like, you just traded DeAndre Hopkins for a second rounder. Yep.
We make fun of or I have made fun of in the, the people on Twitter who are like, we must protect Deshaun Watson at all costs. This is not fair.
I think I'm actually that guy now. I think I am now that guy because of what Bill O'Brien is doing to Deshaun Watson.
It was so cool watching him throw passes to DeAndre Hopkins. It's the only guy he trusted.
He wouldn't drop a single... I don't think he had a drop all year, did he? I don't know if he did, but he was fantastic.
I don't think that he did. But yeah, it was fun to watch.
So yeah, please, he's ruining Deshaun Watson's career. Get him on the Bears.
We'll make sure that he's treated really well. I imagine that Bill O'Brien was like, all right, we're going to trade Deshaun Watson.
Then he walked over and he saw Will Forler. He's like, hey, Will, you're going to be our number one.
And Will Forler said, I got it, coach. I got it.
And then he walked walked over and he saw Will Forler he's like hey Will you're gonna be our number one and he and Will Forler said I got it coach I got it and then he stood up and immediately tore his hamstring and that was it it fell off the bone yeah that was it like a melting that's the only way it worked it's it's crazy what Bill O'Brien's doing and the Texans players were just vocally being like fuck this well it's very rare in today like with the information that is out there and the amount of people that have an opinion, it is very rare to have a trade that is 100% universally panned. And that was what happened.
Like there wasn't a single person who was like, you know what? I kind of like with the direction the Texans are going. They're going to run the football with David Johnson.
David Johnson. I wonder if Matthew Berry has forgiven David Johnson.

Who died at the end of the year. He literally has not turned back

on. Yeah, and I know

he was behind a really bad offensive line,

but Kenny and Drake had like

unbelievable numbers behind the same

offensive line. This is huge for Kyler

Murray. Yes.
So he's got Hopkins

and Larry Thick's Gerald out there. Yeah, and

Kirk. And Kirk, yeah.

Christian Kirk, I like him. And speaking of Christian Kirk, Cousins got a two-year extension, too.
Because he got Stefan Diggs traded. Yep.
Yeah. So he's like, you know what? That's not the choice I would have made.
Locker room restored. We got this.
We got this, guys. So any other big news out there that we missed? It's great to have something to talk about.
I just thought it was high comedy that Cam Newton wrote,

stop with the wordplay, writing in actual wordplay.

Yes.

In that weird font.

Yeah, in his weird...

Oh, Phil Rivers to the Colts.

We forgot about Phil Rivers.

Yeah, dadgummit.

They need to play those games in the afternoon.

I think that's the only thing...

That's the only analysis.

Like, the Colts, adding Phil Rivers,

the Colts will be exactly what they were.

They will beat a few teams they shouldn't beat. They will lose some games that they absolutely shouldn't lose.
And they'll finish the season somewhere between seven and nine wins. If I was a cornerback in the AFC South, I'd be very happy with the signing.
You're going to get paid in a couple years. Philip Rivers is signed to a one-year deal.
So you have to ask, is this a bridge contract to Andrew Luck feeling good again and coming back oh Phil Rivers is the perfect guy for the Colts like whole DNA the last few years where I think there's been a moment in every single Colt season where you say watch out for the Colts and then there's a moment and then there's a moment that you look back and say why did I say that on top of Bill O'Brien the Fuller thing, they might have said maybe if Will Fuller gets hurt, we'll just sign Randall Cobb. He can be the number one.
Randall Cobb, was it 35? I think the Randall Cobb thing was directly related to Bill O'Brien saw Ryan Pace get Jimmy Graham and he was like, oh, wow, I got to get a guy from 2014 as well. Yeah, you got to feel like you're making a move.
Randall Cobb is, by the way, a completely different wide receiver than DeAndre Hopkins. Physically, the way that he runs routes.
Although, no, Randall Cobb is sneaky, very young. I'm going to shock you.
Well, he's football old. Yes, he's very football old.
And he's caught most of his passes probably behind the line of scrimmage and then run forward, which probably doesn't put as many miles on his legs. Okay, how old is Randall Cobb right now? Honestly, I think Randall Cobb's 31.
He's 29. Okay.
He does turn 30 before the season starts. I think DeAndre Hopkins turns 28 or 29 before the season starts.
And is much, much better. Much, much.
At football. Much.
I mean, DeAndre Hopkins, two years ago, was incredible off the charts. Last year, he regressed a tiny bit, but that was because he was so incredible.
Like, he's incredible. He got a second rounder for him.
I mean, come on. No, no.
Be fair. Dude.
He got a second rounder, and they switched fourth rounders. So, he moved up like, I don't know, 15 positions in the fourth round.
That's true. You're right.
You're right. I got to actually throw out the real trade here.
He's the best fourth round draft pick negotiator that we've seen so far this March. Bill O'Brien, you can't have...
What a fucking idiot. DeAndre Hopkins, I'm just looking at it right now

because I just wanted to refresh myself.

He had 1,500 yards in 2018.

He still had 1,100 last year.

If they go 1-3, though, he's going to get fired, right?

No, because he's put himself on the hot seat.

No, no, no.

He's squarely on the hot seat.

No, because he'll go 1-3, and then he'll...

Well, first of all, he is the GM and the coach. Right, so he could always fire himself as coach and then just be the general manager.
Or vice versa. Which he'd probably rather...
Just take the owner being like, fuck this guy. I actually think that there's internal strife in the Texans organization between the head coach and the front office.
Bill O'Brien, the coach, and the general manager are butting heads with each other. They can't get on the same page.
They're not on the same page right now. And I would expect that Bill O'Brien, the coach, would win that battle in the long term.
So then they'll bring in another GM that will be then undermined by Bill O'Brien, and then he'll retake his old job again. But Hank, you know what will happen is he'll start the season one and three, and he'll walk into his owner's office, and he'll be like, hey, look at the AFC South, and the Jags will be one and three, and the Titans will be one and three, and the Colts will be 1-3.
You can always win that division. You can always convince yourself you can win that division with nine wins.
It's a very shrewd move on O'Brien's part to give himself a promotion in the offseason because that really takes away any notion that you'll be fired the next time. Because the very worst they can do is just take away your new promotion that you just got.
So Bill O'Brien is really fucking fucking good at keeping a job i wouldn't put it past bill o'brien to like in two weeks be like you know what i had coronavirus i made that trade under the influence of coronavirus try to take backsies on it like i was i was very very ill i'm sorry about time you bring up the most important thing going on in the world yes yeah so if you're uh tuning into your first episode of part of my take you're very confused. We're so excited to talk football because we have no sports left.
And there was no football played today. No.
Just people talking about football. We're excited to talk about people talking about football, which is a great description of our show to begin with.
We should be talking about brackets right now, but we're not. You can watch us, by the way, barstoolgold.com slash PMT.
Last thing about free agency, we'll do Hot Seat Cool Throne and get to Dr. Anthony Fauci.
The biggest winner of yesterday, in my opinion, is actually Baker Mayfield. Baker Mayfield getting Austin Hooper and Jack Conklin.
I think we're going to have a bounce back here for Baker Mayfield. Who else did he get? Yanovich.
Oh, yeah, that's right. Pullback from Denver.
That's right. Excuse me, offensive weapon.
That's right. That's right.
Okay, so this is Baker Mayfield. We're priming ourselves up.
He didn't have a tight end last year. And he got Case Keenum.
The line wasn't good. I feel like Case Keenum is one of the best backups, not in terms of skill-wise, but one of the best guys to have in a room behind you.
Well, he's also a perfect junkyard Baker Mayfield. They have very similar run-around, make plays happen kind of skill set.
I think Baker, watch out, Colin Coward. Watch out.
Watch out, bro. By the way, did you see Colin Coward predicted Tom Brady to every single team except the Bucs? No, but to be fair, Colin Coward did break the news that Tom Brady had made up his mind.
Here's some. That's huge.
That scoop was just, that was ripe out there for the taking. Nobody hopped on it except for him.
Yeah, he was a legacy source, not a football source or something. That was like the official wording of it.
Yeah, legacy source. His source was like a, it's like an A-lister, not an inside football source.
Rob Lowe. Tom Brady Sr.
Probably. Here were the tweets.
Ready? Colin Coward. The Indianapolis Colts make a lot of sense for Tom Brady in 2020.
Colin Coward explains why. Put Tom Brady in that cowboy uniform.
We get shocked all the time in sports. This looks like it would work.
Everything he wants. They have brand, O-line, RBs, wide receivers, money.
Tom Brady's heart is not set on leaving the New England Patriots. Colin Coward Derek Jeter did it the right way John Elway Super Bowl MVP exits did it the right way now is the perfect time for Tom Brady to retire ooh we got a retirement in there the Tennessee Titans could solve Tom Brady's problems Colin Coward explains why the Los Angeles Chargers have the best weapons for Tom Brady if he leaves New England Colin Coward explains why Jesus that's actually impressive impressive yes impressive uh all right let's do some hot seat cool throne i used to think that sandwiches were just you know basic until i realized how easy it is to level them way up it's all about starting with the best ingredients lately i've been obsessed with this sandwich boar's head ever roast chicken gouda, arugula, sliced avocado, and a drizzle of balsamic glaze on toasted ciabatta.
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Hank, your hot seat, your cool trunk.

Look at that.

Oh.

Don't spill on yourself.

Hank, don't drink because you're depressed. That's not good.
That's problem drinking. My hot seat is I got a couple.
First one is J.J. Watt.
Last thing on NFL Free Agency. But Derek, his other brother, signed with the Steelers, which means him and TJ are constantly just going to be basically talking shit behind J.J.'s back.
He's going to be the odd man out. You know how it is.
When there's two of you and there's one somewhere else, you're always constantly going to be like, they're just trashing me behind my back. It's like a real-life side group chat that you know that they have and that you're not a part of.
Plus, the parents are going to be spending way more time in Pittsburgh than they are in Houston. And Uncle of the Year, sorry, JJ, kiss that shit goodbye.
It's a competition. Who are you? Yeah.
Yeah. You're going to be spending way more time in Pittsburgh than we are in Houston.
And Uncle of the Year. Sorry, JJ.
Kiss that shit goodbye. Yeah.
Because it's a competition. Who are you? Yeah.
Yeah. You're going to be around, what, like three times a year or something? Uncle Derek is, I mean, our Uncle TJ.
Like that kid, probably his first words are going to be TJ. Mm-hmm.
My other hot seat is Vanessa Hudgens. I don't know if you guys saw this, but she is the actress.
She was in High School Musical back in the day, like former child star. She had probably the coldest coronavirus take I've seen in the last like two days.
Like I feel like people have kind of caught up to the seriousness of it. But she was on Instagram Live being like, oh, I heard it's going to be till July till we can get out.
Like that's messed up. Like I know that, you know, people are going to die, but it's inevitable.
Wait, so what was her solution? There was no solution. It was basically like...
People are going to die. It was like, well, if I can't get out until July, just let people die.
Listen, I have to get tanned somehow. Right.
And you're telling... First of all, the salons are all closed down, so that's a problem.
So now you're saying I can't even go outside? And then she was immediately like, haha, maybe I be doing this and then shut it off. Probably not.
But it was maybe the most tone deaf thing I've seen in like three days. I got to say that the child stars of yesteryear are extremely lucky that social media wasn't around.
And like Instagram live, all that stuff wasn't around because they saved themselves some very bad takes. There still is like like, a group, a pocket of people out there

that are just so fucking embarrassing,

who are doing, like, the, you know,

you're more likely to die in a car accident than coronavirus.

Okay, we get that, all right?

We get it.

We get it.

But guess what?

This is a little bit different than a fucking car accident.

Not important enough to put it at the beginning of the show,

but important.

You almost had us, Hank. You're good, dude.
Honestly, when you said that, I was like, wait, that might actually be a good idea. Oh, okay.
Do you know how illegal it would be to drive if every time you walked outside and you walked next to somebody that just got into a car accident, you would go out and run over a pedestrian? If it was contagious? Yes. If car accidents were contagious? Yes.
There accidents were contagious yes there would be no cars right uh and my cool throne is take on me remixes

so one of the benefits of the quarantine is that nick roger and slow lewis the dudes they make

pretty much most of the good ones uh but they they both have jobs like they both like do it

on their free time whenever they can send them they send them both in the past two days have

been like yo i'm super bored here's a bunch of remixes fuck yeah so we got a great stockpile

I'll talk. jobs like they both like do it on their free time whenever they can send them they send them both in the past two days have been like yo i'm super bored here's a bunch of remixes fuck yeah so you got a great stockpile uh one of the one of the few positives of this unfortunate uh coronavirus situation all right is that it that's it okay good hot seat cool throne hank thank you you're back appreciate it i was never i never left uh my hot seat initially was going to be the houston texas any talented player that lives in Houston is going to be gone.
I'm just going to say Ryan Fitzpatrick and Phillip Rivers because you're not allowed to associate with 10 or more people at the same time. Yep.
Thoughts and prayers to the family. And also hot seat to the Dallas Cowboys because the Redskins, excuse me, the R words, drove the price up on Amari Cooper.
Five years. Foolishly making the Dallas Cowboys overpay for him on a five-year, $100 million contract.
All guaranteed. No, but then it ends up that it was a two-year, like, $40 million contract or something.
Probably less than that. I'm going to start quote-treating every single time Shepter does it.
It's so awesome. It was saying that the R-Words drove the price up so high that the Cowboys had to overpay for them.

That is the genius of Dan Snyder right there, is making other very rich, dumb people spend more of their rich, dumb money. Won't hurt you on the field, but it'll hurt you in your wallet.
It's very true. Got him.
It's going to catch up to you eventually, Jerry, probably 25 years after you're dead. my cool throne is going to be the Monday Night Football

booth that never was because

Jason Witten is now

a Las Vegas Raider. Oh.
So he's going to be teamed up. That's another classic move of just picking players that you remember from like Madden when you were in college.
Gruden remembers him from the first time he was a coach. Correct.
Correct. There is something to be said for always picking name brands well i'm sure that i'm sure that gruden sat down many times uh in like prep meetings for monday night football and every time he was with the cowboys that meeting i'm guessing was with romo and jason whitten right and he just get up in the mood and be like man this guy as good a football player as he is he's a more outstanding young man yeah gruden if he's picking stocks is like i want some nike give me some amazon and some apple and like that's it that's all you got to do you gotta go with the blue chips man yeah um all right that it yep that's it for me all right my hot seat is we talked about it on monday uh the large penis that gets passed around in links whenever something newsworthy happens.
So, unfortunately, the gentleman, the well-endowed gentleman that we all know all too well, a reporter went and tried to find him. He's dead.
Oh, no. Dude, come on.
Yeah. You can't do that.
So, if you want to use this moment. How have you known that and been sending us pictures all day? I just found out literally like 10 minutes ago.
How did you find that out? There's a Vice article. Read the Vice headline.
Yeah. You made me look at a Where's Waldo picture and search it.
That one was funny. That one was funny.
Bad news about the well-endowed man in those coronavirus prank texts. man has become the unwitting star of assorted prank tests promising breaking information about the covet 19 crisis and uh this guy went deep he tracked he was on all these sites uh and then he finally found the name of the person and the person who took the picture contacted back from pantheon productions responded i'm sorry to hear that woods the guy's last name was wood oh how funny is that uh i'm sorry to hear that that woods image has been used in such a way it's quite shameful unfortunately wood passed away several years ago oh okay so it's a real bummer man yeah it is it's a big time bummer i mean so it goes i question there's some really funny ones that you still got to share probably but it is a big time bummer i mean it's the picture is still objectively funny yeah maybe maybe that's you know what you're honoring him yeah big cat the old saying is you really only die the last time somebody says your name right and.
And we never have said his name. Woods.
Wood.

Wood.

Wood.

We're keeping it.

People say the word wood all the time.

Yeah.

So yeah, it's a bummer, man.

We're keeping his memory.

I'm going to grieve for a while.

I'm going to need some time by myself to distance myself.

I'm sure you will.

Now it's going to socially distance myself.

That's very sad.

All right.

My cool throne is two cool thrones. One is we talked about the Bears signing Jimmy Graham.
The Bears also, I think the strategy this offseason was lead the league in something. They have 10 tight ends on their roster right now.
What? 10. Stop.
How many of them are H-backs? 10. 10.
They're going to cut some of them, but as of right now,

Ryan Pace can proudly walk around House Hall saying,

I got ten tight ends.

I think he heard that old saying, like, if you have two quarterbacks,

you don't have one, and he thought, well, if I get ten of something,

there's bound to be one of them in there.

It's incredible.

It's incredible.

I mean, a lot of these guys are not going to ever, like,

see meaningful time.

He's building the Chicago Bears out of the state of Iowa. Just tight ends.
It's just tight ends. So 10.
We led the league in something. I mean, to be fair, that's perfect for a Big Ten country.
Yes, exactly. To just load your team up with those.
Tight ends. Real quick, Warren Sharpe, if you're out there listening, what personnel is that if you have 10 tight ends on the field? Yeah, like infinity? That would be – because the running backs is a second number.
So if you have 10 tight ends, I think it's 10 – it's 100. It's 100.
It'd be 100 personnel. That's pretty cool.
It's 100 personnel. All right, and then the other cool throne is George Phan because I think this is something we didn't know or maybe we did know but we didn't really talk about but George Fant obviously he was a free agent and he signed with the where'd he sign? He signed with the Jets.
The Jets gonna protect Sam Darnold. Broadway.
Everyone was talking about George Fant, googling George Fant. George Fant's wife, her name is Chastity Gooch.
Good. Good name.
So we just got that out of the way. Cool thrown.
We got it out of the way. We saw it.
We moved on. Not even funny.
I can't even do what it literally translates to. Not even funny.
It literally translates to George Fant fant's wife it's not even a funny thing to talk about it's just something that we now recognize and we have moved on chastity gooch cool throne george fant we moved on last cool throne too is uh penguins yeah they're having a moment right now yeah those two penguins were gold waddling around like a little tuxedo not six feet apart though yeah that's true but they can't get it but we should have they they can get it so protect penguins were goals. Waddling around like a little tuxedo to Andy Reid.
Not six feet apart, though. Yeah, that's true.
But they can't get it. But we should have.
They can get it, so protect penguins at all costs. We don't deserve them.
Yeah, they can. Did you just cough? No.
What was that? It was a scratch my nose. Okay, don't touch your face.
I'm not. I didn't.
I've done like 16 Purell. Another bonus cool thrown is the Buffalo Bills, because now that Tom Brady's out of the division, I think you have to say that the Bills are...
Bills country.

Bills might be... Although the Dolphins...

They might be favored to win. If Tua...

They might be the... I'm going to look up

the odds right now. I'm just going to say it.
If Tua

goes to the Dolphins and he's what

I think he is,

Dolphins might be making some noise pretty soon.

I'll just say it.

It's funny that we're just passing over the Jets.

Passing over the Jets. That's my Dolphin noise.
That's the noise they're going to be making. Sam Darnold will make a leak.
Hank, stop killing me every week. What are you looking for? I was going to look up the odds.
Okay, so the Bills are plus 175 to win the AFC East. Patriots are still minus 110.
There you go, Hank. Still odds on favorites.
Congrats. Actually, that's probably a smart thing to bet on Bill Belichichick finding a way to like there'll probably be like eight and a half over under for wins just hammer that dolphins are 10 to 1 your dolphins the dolphins the miami dolphins um all right pft you got an ad before we get to dr anthony fauci yes uh before we get to the good doctor we're gonna get right back the show.
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All right, back to part of my take. And now, Dr.
Anthony Fauci. Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest.
A little bit more of a serious side because we are obviously battling a pandemic right now. It is Dr.
Anthony Fauci. He is the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases.
He is the man in charge when it comes to information about coronavirus, trying to battle it, what's going on right now. So, Dr.
Fauci, thank you very much for joining us. First off, how are you doing? I'm sure you're working night and day, 19-hour days, 20-hour days.
How are you doing just from a mental perspective with everything that's going on? Well, this is an important challenge. This is what I do.
I'm a physician scientist and a public health figure, and this is what I do. It's very stressful.
I mean, you cannot imagine because this is a problem that we take very seriously, and it's an emerging outbreak that you see what happened in China, you see what's happening in Italy. We want to make sure we have the virus in the United States.
We want to make sure by our efforts that we don't have that degree of disease and suffering that the others are seeing in other countries. That's really our goal, and we're focused like a laser to try and prevent that from happening.
So I've seen some people say recently that millennials, the younger generation in particular, is kind of on the front lines of battling this disease and keeping everyone safe and making sure that we can kind of flatten the curve, as I've been seeing in the news, and not overload our health resources all at once. What would you say to young people out there that might be thinking, like, I'm young, I'm spry, I'm healthy.
If I contract this disease or if I'm carrying it, it's not that big a deal because I don't go visit, you know, my grandparents. I'm not around anyone who's elderly.
What would you say to them to let them know how important it is for them to take precautions? Okay, so let's first start off with the more vulnerable ones. If you look at the data, and it's pretty solid data now that has been collected for now at least two and a half months, first from China, then from South Korea, and now from several European countries, particularly Italy and France, that when you look at the totality of the outbreak in a given country, clearly the people who get into trouble, who get seriously ill, and who ultimately die, as we've heard about from other countries, and even to some extent in our own country, are very heavily weighted towards the elderly and those with underlying serious medical conditions, heart disease, chronic lung disease, diabetes, etc.
Those individuals are really quite vulnerable.

If you look at the totality of the population, the younger individuals, people who are the

millennials, people who are otherwise young and healthy, generally, with some exceptions,

you're not completely exempt from a risk, but with some exceptions, do well.

You may get sick, but you'll recover generally without any significant medical intervention. The problem is we need the young people to help us to protect the vulnerable, because when an individual who's young gets infected and either has no symptoms at all or even mild symptoms, that individual will continue the virus spreading in the community.
And you know, although you say you have elderly individuals, people who are compromised generally are going to be sequestered, they're not going to be completely sequestered. So you might inadvertently, even though you feel that you are invulnerable, and I mentioned this at the press conference at the White House today.
I mean, when I was young, I did feel, I meant appropriately or inappropriately, like I was invulnerable. We know, first of all, no one's invulnerable, but even if you are doing very well, you have to be a very important part of our national effort to contain the outbreak, but importantly, to protect young individuals.
So you're not a passive person in this. You are an important part of the active plan to contain this epidemic.
And that's why I said sincerely at the White House that we really do need you. This isn't something that can be successful without you.
Yeah. I mean, it's starting to make sense.
I feel like people are starting to gain a little bit of awareness here in the last few days, but every little bit helps. I'm curious, like this, the whole thing, because we've been all sitting at home, you know, just reading about this nonstop.
Can you give us and speak to us like we're eight years old? How does something like this even start? Like, how does this start? How do scientists realize this is going on? Like, what are the beginning phases of something like a pandemic like this? Well, it's a great question.

So let's start with where it comes from.

About 75% of all of the new infections that emerge that you may not have seen before are what's called zoonotic. What that means is that they're fundamentally animal viruses that for centuries or millennia have adapted themselves to an animal and may not even make the animal sick.
Sometimes it does and sometimes not. But because of animal human interface, every once in a while, one of these viruses gets enough evolution, mutation, you know, what have you, to allow it to jump species and infect an individual.

Now, this happens all the time. Sometimes it's a one-off.
It jumps species, makes a human sick, but it doesn't have the capability of efficiently spreading from human to human. So it may make one or two or three people sick, but it doesn't become an outbreak.
Every once in a while, all of a sudden that happens, but the virus adapts itself to very efficiently spread from human to human. And that's when you get an outbreak.
I mean, I, in the early part, 36 plus years ago, I devoted almost all of my time to HIV-AIDS. That's exactly what happened when it jumped from a non-human primate, a chimpanzee, and then all of a sudden adapted itself to being transmitted from human to human.
So it's an animal virus that now has jumped into us as a civilization, as a human species, and is really wreaking havoc, as we've seen in China and in some of the European countries and in focal places right here in the United States. That's how it happens.
That's crazy. It is, yeah.
Yeah, it's one of those things you don't, at least from my perspective, I had no idea that this was, I i i obviously knew about sars swine flu mers all these things but i i never realized that's exactly how it happens it it will jump what when that first happens and we're talking november is coronavirus like you hear it out of china and you're like oh this is this is real like how fast i guess my question is does the science evolve where you start to learn almost everything you know about coronavirus and how it is latching on to people and what the side effects are and everything that's going on behind it? You know, when you're dealing with the real-time emergence of an outbreak,

every day you learn something new,

and you take the accumulation of your knowledge to be able to make some decisions, some guidelines, some understanding, develop drugs, develop vaccines. For example, when the Chinese first recognized this at the end of December, they were saying, oh, it's only from an animal to a human.
It doesn't spread from human to human. That was denial.
That was denial. As a matter of fact, it was spreading from human to human.
So the first thing that the world realizes that this was not a one-off. It wasn't just an animal to a human.
It had already adapted itself to spread very efficiently. By the time they got that, what they did not do, and this is a tragedy, they did not do the kind of mitigation that you and I and everybody are talking about right now, about socially and physically separating.
What they did, they were having large block parties and festivities in the street, which went a long way to really spreading the virus very rapidly. But then you say to yourself, okay, how does it get out of China? We live in a world without boundaries because of travel.
People travel, thousands and thousands and millions and millions of people every single day. And our first case was seeded from someone who was in Wuhan, China, came here, and then we knew we had a travel-related case.
But what happens is that since it spreads so well from human to human, if you don't contain it right away, and we tried, and we did a pretty good job in the beginning, but still, all of a sudden you get human to human to human, and then you get community spread. That's the reason why we in the federal government and with the collaboration of the state and local health authorities are making the strong suggestion and guideline about doing things that may seem, and I know it does, seem to the younger people as maybe an overreaction.
Why are you telling people to stay out of bars and stay out of restaurants, you know, stay out of crowded places, even in some respects out of sporting events where there's a lot of crowd.

Because what we have learned, and this answers the question you gave me just a few moments ago,

what do we learn about this?

How long does it take to really learn?

The one thing we do know is that this virus really likes to spread in crowded places.

The efficiency of spread is amplified when there's a lot of person-to-person contact. So one of the real weapons you have to try and contain the virus is to try and physically separate people.
As inconvenient as that is, you know, you have to do it at least for a while to try and stay ahead of the viral spread. I mean, I feel like I know my generation pretty well.
And this could be the challenge that we've really been asked to take on is just staying at home. I think that we we stay at home harder than any other generation that's ever come before us.
So I feel like we're the right ones to kind of be put in that place at this point in history. I had a question about kind of the science of how early you can become contagious after coming in contact with somebody.
So if you just say you have person to person contact, high five or whatever you get, you know, you inhale a sneeze or something weird happens. And then, you know, just a couple minutes later,

I would assume that you would probably test negative for the virus even at that point.

But are you, are you contagious at that point? Or how long would that take?

All right. So let's create a scenario.
Someone is infected, right? You brush by them.

Likelihood that unless you have close contact, you're not going to get infected. But let's say

Thank you. You brush by them.
Likelihood that unless you have close contact, you're not going to get infected. But let's say that person just has virus in their nose and you walk by that individual and you happen to get infected.
You're saying and asking how long before there's enough virus in you for you to infect someone else. and certainly, it's not going to be a matter of minutes or even hours, because by the time the virus replicates, the median time from the time you get exposed to the time you get symptoms is about 5.2 days.
The range is anywhere from 2 to 14 days. So you are not immediately infected if you happen to get infected at this moment.
But within a few days, you will be. Interesting.
So you could you could conceivably test negative for the virus, but then it's still developing and replicating inside your own body. Right.
Right. You're absolutely correct.

So you don't rely completely on testing.

I know there's been a lot of talk about testing. What you rely on is protecting yourself and protecting those around you, but to the best of your ability, try to be what they call social distancing.

But that really means it's physical separation within reason to the extent possible. It's much more stringent with the vulnerable ones, the elderly and those with underlying conditions.
Now, I see a lot of information going around, and I think this is one of the dangerous parts of living in 2020 where the internet is there everyone can go google it there's misinformation there's you can find any answer to any question however you want it answered I I'm wondering from someone like you who actually has all the facts can you dispel a couple of the things that I've read one being this virus will go away in the summer because the virus doesn't like hot weather.

And two being, are you immune after you have it? So if you have it, you then are okay and you can go about your life in this idea of herd immunity that some countries were maybe trying to attain. Okay.
So I think there's two and a half questions. Yes.
We'll take one at a time. that all of the answers to questions need to be founded and anchored on the fact that this is a unique situation for us.
Although you can make an extrapolation that it will act like similar viruses, you can't say for sure. So your first question.
Will it naturally start to diminish a bit as the weather gets warm? If you look at the experience with influenza and other coronaviruses that are typical common cold viruses, the fact is when the summer comes for a variety of reasons, including people aren't cooped up in a house close to each other, they're usually outside on the beach or walking around or doing whatever they're doing, that you have less of a transmission during the warmer summer months. The basis for that is sound.
However, we cannot be sure that that is going to happen when we experience the full brunt of this virus. It might happen, but we don't know for sure.
So the answer is I hope it does, but we don't know for sure. Now the second question, just repeat, what was the second question you asked? The second question was if you get the virus, are you then immune afterwards? I remember now.
Okay. So, again, if you look at any other viral disease that we have had experience with, once you get infected with a virus and you recover from that virus, you are immune for a prolonged period of time, sometimes for life, with infection with that exact same virus.
If it changes dramatically, the protection diminishes. But for the most part, once you're infected with a particular virus, the next time you get exposed, if you've recovered from that virus, you're protected.
Now, that's what you say, well, then that leads to after a while,

either through natural infection or if we get a vaccine and you actually make a lot of the population immune,

you can have herd immunity,

which means the virus doesn't have a lot of places to go

because most of the people in the population are protected. So you can't get a real revved up outbreak.
Now that can get misinterpreted. And I know you've read about that because you just referenced it.
Some people say, oh, what the hell? Why don't we just let everybody get infected and develop herd immunity? That's a dangerous proposition because if you do that, a lot of

people, mostly the vulnerable, are going to get sick and they're going to die. And that's what

we've seen in the elder population where the mortality rate was significantly high in the

individuals who are in that vulnerable group. So although herd immunity is a good thing,

you'd like to develop herd immunity with a vaccine, not by getting a lot of people sick. Interesting.
Okay, I have kind of a scenario I'd like to present for you. In the case of a lot of our listeners, they're younger.
Let's just say there's a 24-year-old male who might live with a couple roommates right out of college. He starts to come down with some symptoms of the virus.
He's coughing. He's running a fever.
Let's say not too high, 100, 101. What do you recommend somebody like that does? Do you recommend that they go in and they get themselves tested? Or for now, do you recommend that they kind of stay in place and see if it gets any worse and reduce their contact with the outside world? Okay, great question, because it's so practical.
Now, a couple of days ago, we issued some social distancing type of recommendations, some guidelines that we announced at the press conference, and it specifically addresses the question you've asked. So if you are sick and you feel there's a possibility that you might have a coronavirus infection because you do have the symptoms that you just described, stay home, call up your health care provider.
You've had a physician, a health care worker, a clinic. Inform them of what's going on.
Don't go out. You don't want to go to an emergency room.
You don't want to go to a clinic. And have them, and there will be much more accessibility of this as the days and weeks go by.
What is the best way for you to get tested? Now, since you're now kind of isolating yourself in your own home, what about your roommates? What should they do? That's the same thing as if one family member. So if you consider a roommate a family member, which in many respects the roommate is a family member, the recommendations say that the others in the house should take extra precautions, the kinds of things, wash your hands carefully, don't go in big crowds, you don't have to sequester everybody, but those individuals.
If it turns out that you are positive and you do have coronavirus, then the people who were in close contact with you as a roommate would be, those individuals should then sequester themselves and get tested. But until you know you're positive, they need to take extra precautions.
That's the same thing as we recommend for families. So as far as I'm concerned, from a practical standpoint, you have two or three roommates

that like your brothers and sisters.

That makes sense.

So you mentioned just a second ago vaccines.

I saw that the first vaccine trial was given for coronavirus.

I think it was either yesterday or the day before.

I know that...

Yesterday.

So I know for most vaccines, it's what, up to a year trial that you have to make sure

Thank you. either yesterday or the day before.
I know that yesterday. So I know for most vaccines, it's what up to a year trial that you have to make sure there's no side effects, that the vaccine has worked, everything that goes with all the protocols that are in place.
Is there any talk about potentially expediting that knowing that it's a pandemic and their lives at risk? and if there's a vaccine they might try to get it out earlier faster than what they would do if it was just a flu vaccine well great question but you partially answered it yourself and that is you there's no way of your knowing this but the truth is if this were the typical way of developing a vaccine, it would take several years, up to six to seven or more years, to get a vaccine that's available for deployment. When I made the statement, as I do often at these press briefings, that we started yesterday on the phase one trial, There are multiple phases, phase 2A to B, and that proves not only is it safe, does it induce the kind of response that you would predict would be protective, and ultimately does it really protect in a safe manner.
At rocket speed, that would take a year to a year and a half. So we've already major league expedited the process without cutting dangerous corners.
So we really are on a very, very fast track to get a vaccine. But even on the fastest track, it's going to take a year to a year and a half.
Okay. So anything faster than that would be too unsafe? It would be dangerous, yeah.
No, it would be because, you know, a vaccine sometimes, even everybody thinks, oh, well, no problem with vaccine. You're giving it to normal people.
And whenever you're giving any intervention to someone who's a normal person, safety is paramount. Unlike a situation when someone is seriously ill and you want to develop a medication, safety is important, but the risk of the person who's already sick is much greater than the risk that you would have in pushing along a trial for the development of the therapy.
Got it. Got it.
That makes sense. What about the, I saw there was some, and this might be urban legend, I don't know, so you can tell me, there was some news that possibly taking ibuprofen, if you have symptoms, makes it worse and that people should not be doing that.
Yeah, a little bit urban legend in that I think what it was a conflating of some medical issues that go back to the influenza in childhood there is a rare syndrome called rise syndrome that when children who get influenza take aspirin it can give them a neurological syndrome that can be really quite dangerous. So you try to keep aspirin, particularly with children, away from them when they have these respiratory illnesses that might be flu.
This has been extrapolated to ibuprofen and other non-steroidal anti-inflammatories. There really is no solid evidence at all.

Maybe true, may not, but there's no good scientific evidence that says that ibuprofen can make coronavirus worse.

Okay.

So what should people take if they feel like they have it

or feel like they are experiencing some of the symptoms?

The safest thing to get your fever down is Tylenol. Okay.
Okay. All right.
One thing I always like to remind my friends is Tylenol can be very difficult on the liver if you take a lot of it. So what's like a good dosage? Absolutely.
Take it as directed. I mean, if you want to take Tylenol, you really want to take it no more than every six hours.
Okay. Okay, got it.
That's good to know. One thing that we've also been told, you know, obviously we're trying to limit our contact with the outside world as much as possible.
You know, everyone, at least in New York City, is going to be, you know, ordering food for takeout. You can't go out to a restaurant anymore, but people are certainly using, you know, Seamless, Grubhub, Postmates, all that stuff.
Is there any danger in eating food that was prepared by somebody else? You know, the answer is nothing is 100%, but the danger of someone who's practicing good hygiene, I would imagine. I mean, I've spent to some places that are already doing it.

You know, the owners and the staff are really being conscientious about people making sure they wash their hands frequently.

They put gloves on, those kind of inexpensive gloves that you see in food service. the chances of getting it transmitted by picking up an order,

a takeout order of a pasta or a hamburger or a calamari or whatever it is that you're ordering is much, much, much less than going into a crowded restaurant and sitting down at a table very close to other people. Interesting.
Okay. What about walking? So if I'm walking my dog and someone's jogging by me, is there a risk there?

No. I mean, again, in biology, there's never 100%, but one of the least risky things you can do is to get out in the fresh air and walk your dog.
Right, right. Okay, that's good, because that's really all we can do at this point.

Right.

What about just from a perspective of you fighting diseases every day? Are you a germaphobe personally? Am I a germaphobe? I'm careful. I don't think I'm obsessive-compulsive crazy about it, but I'm careful.
I really am. I wash my hands frequently, as often as I possibly can.
And particularly during seasons, and not just coronavirus, but, you know, seasons when there's a lot of flu around, I try to stay a little bit distant from people. You know, I don't go over and start whispering in people.
If I feel sick, I stay home. If there's a sick person around, I try to physically stay distant from them.
I think that's natural common sense and not necessarily germaphobic. I got to say, Dr.
Fauci, the one shocking thing with this entire pandemic is I had no idea that you were supposed to wash your hands for 20 seconds. That's so long.
I washed my hands for five seconds. I'm like, all right, I'm done.
And then I have to sit there and do it for another 15 seconds. Yeah, I think you, I'm glad you brought it up.
Thank you. And it's something that, you know, so many people don't appreciate.
The natural thing when you wash your hands is like five, six seconds. Yes.
I know. You really, I mean, it's been clear that people have shown that when you have germs, germs being either viruses or bacteria, whatever, on your hands, if you just wash for a couple of seconds, you don't get it all off.
If you go 20 seconds with soap and water, you can get almost certainly close to all of it off. And, you know, they say to try and time yourself, you know, sing Happy Birthday twice and it's 20 seconds, something like that.
But just sing the lyrics of a song you like for a little bit. Makes it easy to do.
Yeah. Okay.
Yeah, I like that advice because I think I'm with Big Cat. I've just, you know, as long as every surface has gotten wet and had soap on it, then I feel like I'm ready to go.
But I am taking a little bit longer, making sure that I wash it for longer. So for you in particular, I saw the press conference, I think it was in the Rose Garden last week.
It was you. I consider you to be one of the critical guys that we need to take care of to make sure that we don't that you don't get sick.
I think, you know, in times of national crisis, we've taken steps with our presidents to make sure that they're not in any danger. But I did notice that everyone was touching that microphone during the press conference.
Are you taking any steps personally? Is the president taking any steps to social distance? Yeah, it is. So this has become an Internet special here.
There's a picture of me putting my hand on the microphone and bringing it down. So first of all, uh, you know, I'm five feet six.
If I didn't, the president is six, four. So if I had kept the microphone where he was, when he spoke, you wouldn't have even seen me.
So I put the microphone down. But one thing I did not do, you didn't notice it, you shouldn't have because you wouldn't be looking for it, is that I did not touch my face, my nose, my ears, my mouth, until I went back into the Oval Office and down the hall and washed my hands.
So that's one of the things you could do. If you have to touch something that could be contaminated, even though I had no reason to believe that that microphone was contaminated,

I still did not touch my face until I got to a bathroom and washed my hands for 20 seconds.

Okay, that makes a lot more sense. So I know you've been asked this, and we really appreciate all this time because it's fascinating.

I don't want to say I'm a fan of viruses and pandemics but they're fascinating and i hope we never have to deal with one again but all of this has been fascinating um when it comes to time frame i know you've been asked this a million times but can you at least give us just a general idea of what you're looking at like when we can start feeling like things are going in the right direction because right now it does kind of feel doom and gloom for a lot of people right you know you know so again not to be elusive and to evade your question it's nothing is certain for sure but if you look at the general course of the outbreak in china they first realized they had something at the end of December. Right now, the curve is way down in China.
The number of new cases in China are a couple of handfuls when it was hundreds and hundreds and hundreds a few weeks ago. There are more cases coming out of Europe now than coming out of China.

But if you look at the time frame of China, you say the mid to end of December, the beginning of March, it was going way down. So that's two months and maybe two months in a week or two.
And it was essentially way, way down. So if you want to talk about from the beginning to the end, you know, it can be anywhere from, you know, six, eight weeks up to just maybe a few more months.
Unlikely, it's going to be that long. But if you look at the time frame that China and Korea told us, you know, you're talking about several weeks.
And in this case, for China, it was somewhere between eight and 10 weeks. That doesn't mean that we're going to have to be doing this for that long period of time.
It could be. And that's the reason why when the recommendations came out, we said 15 days with the option of re-looking at it all the time and saying, okay, do we need to do another 15 days? Do we need to do another 15 days? Hopefully, hopefully,

and I don't think it's unrealistic to be somewhat optimistic,

if we really carefully and successfully

implement these mitigation strategies,

what we've been talking about over the last several minutes,

which does involve the younger generation,

if we're successful,

we may be able to cut that time down. It's possible.
Great. So challenge.
I know you don't want to be gloom and doom,

but it's in our hands to see if we can get that down. So I agree that we're definitely up to the

challenge as a generation. But there are a lot of people, I think, that listen to this show

that are younger who aren't know aren't necessarily financial financially secure in in their situations maybe they work in the service industry and their jobs are being taken away things like that or you know people are are uh you know paid by the hour and all of a sudden they feel like they can't miss work because then they miss their paycheck and if they miss their paycheck then they can't afford rent for that month. Have you discussed with anybody the importance of making sure that we're taking care of those types of people to make sure that they feel comfortable taking all the right steps necessary to stay home? Okay, so that's a great question, because all of this is part of the big picture of what we need to face.
So I'm not an economist, as you know.

I'm a physician, a scientist, and a health provider. But for those who are listening carefully today and in the previous days to Secretary of Treasury Steve Nuchin and to Larry Kudlow, the economic advisor, They have put together a package of substantial, substantial financial relief for people who are going to be out of work, for people who need testing, that testing is going to be free, there's going to be issues of how do we make sure that people who are either affected by coronavirus are in a family in which they need to be able to get out of work to take care of somebody, that those people are going to have some financial relief.
I don't know the exact details of it, but I was impressed by the amount of effort and commitment that was put in to help people who are going to be financially impacted by this. I mean, that's great to to hear so the uh my last or i have two more questions but my second last question is in terms of people in groups like you were saying that's dangerous to be in groups we've heard a million different numbers we heard you know it started at 500 then 100 then 50 then 10 what is like a lot of people probably who listen to this show are treating maybe some of this stuff like a snow day.
Like let's have some friends over. What is the true, like, Hey, let's limit all these groups to this number.
Right. The best thing to do, even though there are no absolutes, these are based on projections and models and things.
10 is the safer number. I would go with 10.
10 okay i know the numbers were larger than that in the past but we really don't want to undershoot yes i would say 10 and and that's really we're saying don't don't throw a party for 10 people we're just saying if you're in a space a confined space with more than 10 people go somewhere else fast exactly or don't deliberately go to a place with more than 10 people. Yeah.
Right. I think a lot of people here limit groups to 10 or fewer and think, okay, I can invite some friends over as long as there are only eight people in my house or something like that.
And what you're saying is just, if you're in an enclosed situation with more than 10, then it's time to be maybe looking elsewhere. Exactly.
All right, so my last question. I have one more.
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I actually, it's not even a question. I just want to read a tweet to you.
It's from our friend. Oh, do you have the same one? I have that same one I have that same yeah okay all right so you actually do that and I'll do a different question okay I'll pivot this is from our good friend Mike Florio he is he runs pro football talk a website's a tremendous website you probably read it all the time he he said that Italian-Americans like Mr.
Florio should be far less fascinated with Sopranos

and far more fascinated with the brilliance, quiet resolve, steady hand of Italian-American Anthony Fauci.

And so I just wanted to know what your take on that was,

if you wanted to give a shout-out back to our favorite Italian-American recurring guest, Mike Florio.

Well, it's very nice of him. I thank him very much.
I appreciate that obviously there are a lot of italian americans throughout the country who are doing really really well i i i i appreciate that compliment and thank you very much yeah i mean he's he's a big fan of yours i think it's also like you guys are kind of the same exact stature in uh and like build so he's he's just he's a big fan of yours i think he probably is gonna have a poster of you on his wall in his gym being like that's a real that's my real hero right yeah right all right my last question was um is it true you're still running three and a half miles a day at age 79 uh yes i've i've i've toned down from the fast running I've done with more power walking,

because, you know, a little bit, to be honest with you, when I run and pound,

it sort of hurts my back a little, so I walk that distance.

It takes a little longer, but I walk it on the weekends with my wife,

and during the week I do it at various places around the Bethesda, Washington area. Unfortunately, over the last several weeks, with the 20-hour days that we've been putting in, I haven't had a chance to do it except on the weekend.
But you are correct. I've been doing this for many years.
I started off with marathons and 10Ks and then just running for fun, and then I'm still doing it now because it's healthy. I love the idea of that because I saw it.
It was a tweet that went semi-viral. And it was saying that during your fight against HIV and AIDS, you were running seven miles a day.
And during your fight against coronavirus, even at age 79, you're doing three and a half miles a day. Do you think at any point the viruses are feeling a little bit less than? Because they can't even take up all of your energy.
You're like, I'll fight HIV for 20 hours, and I'll still run seven miles, and I'll come back for more. You're a Superman.
Well, I don't think so, but thank you for thinking about that. I like that, though.
They can't. You're basically like.
You're scaring them off. Yeah, you're like MJ after a game shooting 1,000 free throws.
That's what you're doing. You fight them all day, and then you're like, you know what? Still need to burn off a little calories here.
Nothing but net. There you go.
I have one suggestion for you, and you can feel free to tell me I'm an idiot or know this is illegal or whatever problem you're going to have with it. But I think that you should actually lie to the American public and say that we can spread this disease to our dogs.
Because as bad as it is, and as bad as it is to even think about, Americans would probably take it more seriously, or at least some people would, if they think that they can go home and get their puppy sick. Well, you know, there has been a report of an isolating virus from a dog.
I'm not sure it makes the dog sick. But, you know, you should protect everybody that you care for, including your dogs.
Yes. Okay.
So that sounded to me like, don't get your dog sick. Yes.
Stay home. Yes.
All right. Well, Dr.
Fauci, thank you so much. I feel, I actually do feel, I think there's a lot of anxiety Going around and I feel a lot better talking To someone like you and knowing that You're out there you know Working for the American people and we're going to Kick the shit out of this virus We've got to do everything you say Follow all the rules and we got this thing Alright thank you guys I really Appreciate it We you to stay safe.
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ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. Okay, let's get to some segments.
By the way, check the group text. I just dropped a new wood.
Really good one. Let me see it.
I've got another one I can send back to you. We've been firing these things off.
Oh, my God. I won a battle with you earlier today.
I blinked first. This is what happened.
I've already seen this one. Well, you didn't send it.
Because it was in a different group text. I didn't think it was worthy of sending to the main.
That's a funny one. No, this is what happens to our brain when we're on quarantine i mean what the fuck is going like have you guys had that realization like we're just never gonna be normal again i mean hopefully we will we're all turning into dogs that don't have a job to do that just are left alone in a room all day we're doing the our brains are doing the equivalent of a dog licking its paws until they're raw because

they're bored.

And we're just in our crates all day.

Yes.

When you think about it.

I mean, I don't know if people saw, but I bought a 1950s style Kentucky Derby game with

a magnet that has the horses just fucking going around the track.

And it's trash.

But I loved it because it got me 10 minutes closer to sports coming back. All I need.
i need a little baby step sometimes give me something to look at for 60 seconds yeah if you can if you can sell product that somebody will have in their living room and look at it for more than a minute right now in this economy you can become a billionaire by the way if they so after we talked to dr anthony fauci about uh how vaccines obviously there's a lot that goes into them. We got to be careful.
If they could maybe go forward, could they come up with maybe a pill that puts everyone in the world to sleep for three weeks? How sick would that be? Yeah. We could also probably help.
You're talking about Xanax. No.
I'm talking about, like, don't wake up. No chance you wake up.
Three weeks. Everyone takes you the exact same time.
Like what Ted Williams is underneath? Yeah, cryogenically freezing. Ted Williams, just have everyone get their heads cut off.
Could you imagine? Put it in your freezer. Make sure that it's sealed shut when you close the door.
And then three weeks later, retrieve your head from your freezer. Screw it back on.
It'd kill everything. It'd kill everything if we all just went to sleep.
But then there would definitely be one dude who would fake take it and fuck with everyone. So the problem is...
Did Ted Williams, did that ever, like, did everything come out of that? I think the freezer, I think Ted Williams, where his head was stored, like, they stopped paying the bills, and the freezer was, like was like got dangerously warm and they had

to shut it down.

I might have made that up.

I know there was something going on.

There's something weird.

Something along those lines happened.

But show me that 30 for 30.

I like that risk that he took.

Like, hey, science might be able to bring me back alive.

Let's fucking put this thing on ice.

No, I want my body to be jettisoned into outer space.

It's a vacuum out there.

Nothing would like rot my body out and then eventually be picked up by aliens where they'd

put me in like a breeding zoo.

It'd probably be pretty sweet.

We'll see you next week. to be jettisoned into outer space.
It's a vacuum out there. Nothing would rot my body out and then eventually be picked up by aliens

where they'd put me in a breeding zoo.

It'd probably be pretty sweet.

Yes, yes.

Where's Ted Williams' head now?

Scottsdale Cryonics Facility,

the home of Ted Will.

Hope's frozen dead people will live again.

There's 168 people in there.

Wow.

That's crazy.

Do you think when they shut the door

at the Pro Football Hall of Fame, the heads just talked to each other ted williams gives walt disney betting advice all right so there was a story about his how his head was mistreated in the lap that's unfortunate wait it was like a kill bill situation i don't know they probably like dropped it or something okay i think it was one of those like they were like hey hey can you put ted williams head back up on this shelf? Have you ever watched the intro to the French horror movie, High Tension?

No.

Okay, probably for the best then.

Sick brag.

Just saying.

French horror movies?

Just saying.

All right.

We got two segments.

Guys on Chicks.

Darren Revell needs our intervention first.

Revell's losing it.

He's losing it.

What did he say this time?

Because I saw he bragged to somebody about how he had more sex in high school than they did well he deleted his ann frank tweet thank god um but he wrote is it going to take an actual player i didn't think that one was that bad i didn't think it was that i i understood what he was trying to say he's just so weird about that's it his perspective just like that line of dialogue right there. He deleted his Anne Frank tweet.

Thank God.

That sounds like,

that sounds like the intro to the Christmas card that his wife sends out

every year.

Yeah.

Like recapping what's,

what's going on in this household.

Yeah.

This year.

Yeah.

Like,

yeah.

Like Tyler lost his first tooth.

Max made the,

the little league team.

Darren deleted his Anne Frank tweet. Thank God god it was a great year for the rebels fuck oh man people who do that like newsletter so weird yeah he wrote is it gonna take an actual player who's being offered millions to tell nfl owners that doing 60 million and 90 million guarantees in this time is an insanely horrible look.
Some of your fans are literally wondering how they're going to pay for their next meal. Well, it's true that some fans are not in a good place financially like the rest of the United States, but is Darren suggesting that players give some of the money back to the owners so that the owners can then have that money trickle down i think he's suggesting that we shouldn't do free agency right now during a pandemic but first of all it's not unsafe it's seemingly not unsafe because you can do all the transactions telephone right two it's a much needed like distraction like today was the first day in a week that I didn't think of the coronavirus for the start of the morning.
Yeah. No, I mean, don't get me wrong.
I was complaining about Amari Cooper getting $100 million because I love to bitch at people being more successful than me. Right.
I wasn't upset because this is happening during a coronavirus epidemic. And he also, it's weird that that Darren Revell picked like, hey man, I don't know if you know, but you could pick any time in NFL history there are fans of the teams that they don't know where their next meal is coming from.
I actually do think that this is a very healthy distraction. Huge.
Being able to get mad about people I'll never meet was such a good moment for my brain today. I'm not kidding.
I don't want to be dramatic but i felt normal today yes the first time in in what's been like a week of just weird news and guess what tomorrow we're going back into the weird news hole yeah we've been yelling at hank about tom brady and it's felt good to get some of that out yeah like if it wasn't for this we'd just be yelling at bubba for partying all week that's why i kind of need tom brady to like go back and be like, no, actually I'm staying with the Patriots. And then in five days, do it again back to the Bucs.
Well, here's how woke I was on the Tom Brady free agency situation. I truly felt that he was not going to go anywhere.
I thought that he might retire during this free agency period, but I thought that he was going to make every team waste as much money on him as possible. Just as like one last thank you to Mr.
Kraft and Bill Belichick to just have teams waste their time and spend their wheels and spend the next, like these teams that were courting Tom Brady were making plans for the next two, three years of their franchises that would have been all time wasted if Brady had just decided, you know what, I'm going to go up into the Monday Night Football booth and be a big-time Patriot. It's going to be me and Scott Zolak.
Dude, Hank thinks that we're not going to play football next year and Tom Brady will never be a buck. I do.
That's literally all you're hoping for now. That's not what I'm hoping for.
I just like the way things are going. Don't put that evil on us, Hank.
I notice you're wearing Bucs colors. Subconsciously.
I stay with Tom. I'm Tom forever.
You litigate that. All right.
Should we do guys on chicks? Either way, we need to help Darren Revell. He's got a problem.
I don't know if we have to help him. Just chill out, Darren.
There's not much you can do with him. He's a lost cause.
Oh, he's going to come out with some incredible corona content. Mr.
35. Oh, yeah.
Honk and Thick Cat. My parents told me they were getting divorced last Sunday.
I've been quarantined with them for the past 10 days. Also my Patriots fan.
Please tell me where to go from here. Thanks.
This might be a blessing in disguise because they're going to have to. What the coronavirus did for your parents is they remade the parent trap movie.
Yes. So they're going to have to spend all their time with each other.

Maybe they're going to fall in love again.

Yeah.

It's probably way more likely that they'll just...

No, it's probably your fault.

Thank you.

Update on the pile.

I mean, someone had to say it.

Update on the pile post-coronavirus cleaning.

Going back to the last person, it might be sweet.

It doesn't seem sweet now, but two years from now, three years from now,

you're going to have so many more Christmases. So congrats.
Yes. True.
A lot of Christmases. Christmas doesn't really matter.
Tom Brady's a puck. Yeah.
It's like you can afford Legos and video games. It's like...
Is that what you're buying? Well, that was like when I was a kid. It was like, I can't get Legos or video games until Christmas or my birthday.
That would be funny if you're like, yeah, dude, I'm 26 now. I can buy my own Legos.
Why are you doing Christmas? I just get underwear all the time. The pile update.
I can eat Lucky Charms every day if I want. The pile was checked for mouse poop.
Absolutely no mouse poop. So so the pile is clean we cleaned off our desks which was big that's a we looked into it and coronavirus surfaces have to be clean so we made sure we were safe that the pile like we said as soon as basketball comes back it will be on sale uh all for a good cause hey quarantines so with the lockdown my boyfriend has been much more conscious of his cleaning habits good which is nice except today he told me he actually scrubbed his feet in the shower meaning he never had in the past yeah you know he says that they can get clean anyways because that's where the soap ends up do all guys think this or is he the actual coronavirus patient zero the combination i've never scrubbed my feet here's the thing.
The combination of the soap that trickles down to your feet and the piss that your feet sit in when you pee on yourself in the shower, that eliminates every single germ possible. Every guy knows this.
Yeah. Let's just say, I think I speak for all men out there, this pandemic, we're learning a lot about hygiene.
A lot of things we didn't know but you know what we're better for it like that's a positive we're looking for positives right now in the world i now know uh washing my hands for two seconds does nothing there are going to be so many guys that come out of this quarantine situation or the shelter in place whatever they're calling it that have that like in between shaggy short hair, and they're going to decide, you know, what the hell?

Why don't I just grow my hair out for a change?

There's going to be a lot of dudes this summer growing that flow.

I was actually thinking about this.

Do you think that with the coronavirus, obviously, I hope it ends as soon as possible, but if it's the bad case where it goes on for like four or five months, do you think that's long enough to culturally change us away from ever doing handshakes again? Oh, pow. Like if we just become – and then we look back like in 40 years, you tell your grandkids like we actually used to hold each other's hands and shake it.
Like our parents talking about smoking cigarettes. Yeah, like we used to just hold each other's hands really awkwardly and trade germs until coronavirus that would be a big come up for white guys that don't know how to dap it would also be massive huge for just the confusion when you do the like am i going in for the handshake am i it's huge yeah that's what i'm saying like white guys we get stuck in this area sometimes.
We don't know what we're doing.

We're just following the lead, and it looks awkward every single time. If we just avoid touching hands altogether, that'd be pretty cool.
Yeah. So maybe we're on the cusp of something here.
This would be crazy. There are going to be some unintended cultural changes, but yeah.
No, I don't wash my feet to answer the question. Someone was- I'll let Jesus do that for me.
Someone tried to say that instead of a dap, we should be... You walk up to someone and you tap your heart like, hi, hello.
It was the fucking lamest shit I've ever seen. Wow.
Yeah. I'd rather do the dab.
I'd rather fucking tongue kiss you than do this every time. Touch your own chest.
Spit in my mouth before I touch my heart. Spit in my mouth, daddy.
You also have a little, no offense, but a small jiggle situation. Not a small jiggle, a big jiggle.
When you hit your chest, the titties bounce. It's a big jiggle.
I mean, this quarantine is not going to be doing well for my breasts. Sup? Hey, boys, especially Bubba.
I'm a pure masochist through and through masochist masochist masochist you got it you got it i was i like that doesn't count that's that's what you feel as somebody from uh boston that that hates their life right now you got it you got it my boyfriend knows this but refuses to hit me while we're having sex i personally think he should be all about it but how do i convince him it's actually okay and he won't actually hurt me? Yeah, we're not touching faces right now. Yeah, no hitting.
Why don't you just hit him? She's a pure masochist through and through. Yeah, but just still no hitting.
Yeah, it's weird. I don't know.
I feel like you can find a group for that. Now I feel really old.
Don't you have a group for that or something where you can just hit each other? Fight club. Yeah, that's what I'm looking for.
Hey, Widecat and Mr. 35.
I need your help. It's Widedog.
My boyfriend has gotten too comfortable around me and has recently started to Dutch oven me on a regular basis. What can I do to get him back? Dude, I was thinking about this, okay? Well, kind of of related to this adjacent to this.
God help any new couples, new couples. Like they moved in together the last three months and they're living in a one bathroom apartment during this quarantine.
Yeah, but they're going to be having so much sex that someone's going to get pregnant too. I don't know, man.
That's a tough like that first initial. I'm talking like maybe the first initial like we're fucking every day thing is over so it's like three four months and now you're just shitting in front of each other and you got nowhere to go yikes yeah well yeah if you look at it the uh there's definitely a gradient curve that comes up in a relationship where the number of times you fuck becomes the number of times you shit over time.
Right. And the number of times that you shit in that apartment becomes the number of times that you fuck.
Right. Like at the beginning, you're crapping like once a week.
You were holding that in. Right.
The first month and then you get to like that even time where the fucking stops and the shitting keeps going. Because then once you get past it, once you're like a year year or two in this is old hat for anyone who's living in an apartment with someone they've been with for a while was it the convergence point the Mendoza line what do we call that so yeah the shit fucking no someone someone hit us up who has moved in with their girlfriend or boyfriend in the last three months and is now like both home from work dealing with it hit us up for next week's guys on chicks i want to hear how that's going all right last one uh hi corona cat and covid commenter damn you got us both my birthday is today march 18th so it's basically been canceled by this pandemic and i'm sad it would mean the world to me if you guys gave me audrey a special special birthday shout out.
Love you guys. Wait, what happened to her?

It's her birthday.

Her birthday's been ruined by viruses.

Happy birthday, Audrey.

Yeah.

And to everyone else out there.

Happy birthday.

Yeah, I don't.

You should actually still, you know what?

Make everyone FaceTime you.

Do that.

It's birthday week.

Yeah, it's birthday week.

Make them show up in the FaceTime. What is it? telehealth we're telehealthing guys telehealth your friends stay safe and we'll see everyone on friday friday by the way quick announcement gotta finish love is blind love is blind friday we have mark on the show i mean this show and we might have him in rough and rowdy.
We got ready. Let's just say that.
We'll see what happens. Love you guys.
Heartbreaking for the players and the coaches and certainly the fans. This has become one of the biggest sporting events in the world over this three-week period every year.
But as we all know, there are greater concerns, and this is a global pandemic, and it was the responsible thing to do for the NCAA and all the different conferences to cancel play. This astounding and unprecedented story continues to evolve at halftime with Adrian Wojnowski.
I suggested that we would speak to him soon. I had no idea that it would be this soon.
He has just tweeted within the past two minutes that the NBA is suspending the season. I say that understanding that as we speak, the game in Dallas is continuing.
By Ruko in Dallas, the game is continuing. Of sports, but in the world in general, with this coronavirus outbreak, this was the necessary step for the National League.
Yeah, it's really not a surprise in light of events that have taken place in the last, what, 12, 16 hours. And it's just amazing how quickly things can move.
Because it was just, I guess, the beginning of last week, I was back to the general manager's meeting. We were asking the commissioner, we were asking the managers, and they were saying, hey, we are monitoring the situation.
And that's what they've been doing. And we're out of stage now when they feel, as they said in the statement, that it is no longer appropriate to continue to try to play the games at this time.
And we are headed into kind of a period of the unknown. And hopefully it'll be a period where everybody can get things back on track in this country, around the world, and then get back to the silly stuff that we do, which is hockey, right? It seems like moment by moment we're finding out a new league has terminated its season or canceled a tournament.
We're here at Bank of California Stadium, the home of LAFC, both LAFC, LA Galaxy suspending their seasons at least for 30 days as MLS came out saying they are taking a pause on their season. We have some breaking news.
The Masters has officially been postponed at the time that announcement was just made. So let's get some quick reaction on that announcement right now.
I'm not surprised. They've got to follow everybody else right now.
We're talking about a situation where there are too many questions, not enough answers.

People can't really get tested for crying out loud.

There's no vaccine available or anything like that.

There's too many questions.

There's too many issues. And as a result, any time you have any kind of event that's going to have a plethora of people around one another,

that's something that can't be tolerated at this particular moment.

It's Pardon My Take presented by Barstool Sports.