Rob Gronkowski, This Is March, James Harden Pooped Himself, And Lebron Is Still Insane

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we have recurring guest Rob Gronkowski. We actually forgot we had this interview because we did so many in the last couple weeks, but...
And also because hanging out with Rob Gronkowski is a drug, so we blacked out. Yes, but then I read it back, and it is very, very funny because Rob Gronkowski is a very funny individual.
We have Tony Romo. We have a Tom Brady update, which I think is just going to be part of the show until he decides where he's going to play football next year.
Who's back of the week? PR 101 for James Harden may be pooping his pants. And a lot more from a great sports weekend.
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Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue, and then we'll take it higher. it's pardon my take presented by welcome to part of my take presented by the cash app it is bad beats monday use the hashtag bad beats monday and tweet your bad beats to at part of my take and at cash app and they will make some of the awls whole again after their bad beats.
Today is Monday, March 2nd. This is March.
This is officially March. We had to wait extra.
One of the best sports months of the entire calendar. Easily.
Easily. There's just something about when the calendar turns to March.
I talked about it last week. The air starts to get a little bit warmer.
March Madness is here. St.
Patrick's Day. It's like, ooh, here comes spring.
And you get to basically watch sports all March long and get to say, this is March. I think we're going to break a record this year for the amount of times this is March is uttered.
Shout out to our friend John Rothstein for creating that phrase. I would actually say that March is having a moment right now.
Yes, big moment. March is hot, for sure.
Yeah, I love everything about the sports month of March. It's probably the best day-drinking month of the entire year, too.
Agreed. Agreed.
In terms of sports. Yeah, in terms of sports.
Summer, you just day-drink all the time. Yeah, day-drinking whilst watching sports.
That's what I think of when I think of March. I think of conference tournaments and college basketball.
I think of, obviously, the NCAA tournament, which has four of the biggest day-drinking days of the entire calendar year. It's the best time to basically be like, well, I'm watching a game at noon.
Might as well have a beer. Fellas, time to start scheduling those vasectomies right now, like we all do.
Oh, bro, you're late. Like we all do.
You're late if you're scheduling right now. You have been scheduling that.
I have a standing appointment every year. You've got to schedule that thing.
And it's seriously ridiculous. I've seasoned tickets to my urologist.
It's just like you come in the day before the NCAA tournament, just like all the fellas do. It's packed in there.
Who's overworked more in the month of March? Urologists, bartenders, or tax attorneys?

Definitely not tax attorneys.

Well, I mean, this is like their-

April is their month.

No, but they have to gear up for April.

Yeah, but all this-

This is the time when anyone you know who works in taxes

is like, gonna be at the office on Saturday,

gonna be at the office on Sunday.

You know, the biz.

Mm-hmm.

So the big time tax biz, always fun.

All right, so that was-

So it's March.

We're excited for March.

I wish. the office on Sunday you know the biz so the big time tax biz always fun all right so that was so it's March we're excited for March the other big news that happened this weekend Tony Romo got fucking paid was it 17 million a year 17 million a year possibly 10 year contract holy fucking shit that means that he's going to make pretty much a million dollars a game.
Now, my big question is, does he get to skip certain games to go play in golf tournaments still? I think he probably has to show up for every game. If he's getting paid that much per year? Yes.
I don't know. Not worth it, Tony.
If you can't sneak away to playing the Bob Hope Pro-Am on October 11th, is it really worth it? We had a bunch of people saying like oh my god look at tony romo's first contract the nfl now look at how much he's making yeah he's making a lot a lot more he's making a lot more i saw there was also a take that uh they shouldn't sign the cba because tony romo is going to be making more broadcasting than like 90 of the league i don't really know how those are correlated but let's go for. Why not? Tony Romo's rich.
Do you have to take into account the fact that if he was going to go to ESPN, he would have to work nights? And that's like maybe he doesn't like staying up late. Well, yeah.
No, I agree with that. Last I heard, the number 20 million got thrown out there.
And I don't know if they were actually thinking about paying him $20 million, but the fact that they said $20 million, and I was like, yeah, okay, I could see it. That's what got him up to $17 million.
It was the perfect right place, right time for Tony Romo. And obviously he's good at his job, even though some of his announcing, I don't know.
But he's obviously good at his job, but it was the right place, right time because ESPN and ABC want to get in the Super Bowl rotation, and they don't have a booth right now. It's always been in flux.
So they're like, hey, if we get Tony Romo, everyone loves Tony Romo, we'll get the fucking Super Bowl too. I think they're also thinking that the NFL just loves Tony Romo.
Roger Goodell absolutely has a boner for Tony Romo. And I think they were just, ESPN was thinking, if we get him in our booth, then maybe we'll get some Steelers-Patriots matchups on Monday Night Football.
We'll figure it out later. Maybe they'll stop giving us Jets-Browns all the time on Monday Night.
And so that, to them, would have been a good investment. Just having a guy that Roger Goodell likes working for your company will make Roger Goodell just give you all the business.
Absolutely. All the money.
Absolutely. So that was the big news in non-sport, well, it's sports, but in the broadcasting world.
I would say that this is broadcasting's equivalent of winning a Super Bowl. Just in general, like the sport of broadcasting, this is their biggest moment.
I actually, maybe not winning a Super Bowl, but it's like their Bryce Harper contract. Right.
Youper contract right you know like hey everyone's gonna eat better because this guy got paid tony romo lifts the entire league up rising tide lifts all boats tony romo and jfk hell yeah wait was that jfk i think it was i don't know it was noah actually no was it noah said that no bible he said that yeah i was thinking jfk said it when his brother went over the bridge and then left the car. Gotcha.
All right. So we also have the Combine.
Combine wrap-up. So we have a couple stories from the Combine.
One, Isaiah Simmons wowed everyone, which isn't really... I love when the Combine, when a really good player does something great to the Combine, you're like, yeah, he was a really good player.
He was always a really good player. He at clemson but now we can measure him yes now we can measure him uh we had wait so his his measurables though he ran what like a four three nine or something like 40 yard dash he was like 240 pounds broad jumped 11 feet was like a 35 36 inch vertical he was a freak he's a freak he gets the freak label i think year at the combine, they should declare a winner.
Well, we had a few freaks. So Isaiah Simmons was up there.
Jonathan Taylor actually was up there, too, because he ran a 40. I think he ran a 4-3-9-40, which was the fastest 40 for a running back over 225 pounds.
So it was basically he and Saquon Barkley are the only ones who have done that. I feel like every year.
Power and speed. I get less and less impressed by the numbers, though, because I've seen them so much.
Right. You lose track of what an insane.
You said how fast was it? 4.38, 4.39. For somebody that big to run that quickly, it's actually scary.
Hold on. To think about it.
Hold on. I got one more for you, then.
If you like that one, PFT, keep your pants on. You ready for this? Louisville's offensive lineman, Mekhi Becton, 364 pounds, ran a 5'11.40.
A 5'11.40. That's so much faster than any of us could run a 40, and he's 364 pounds.
That's terrifying. It's terrifying.
And it's also great for an offensive lineman because no offensive lineman ever has to run 40 yards. Right.
I think like if you were to take all the offensive linemen right now for the most part, let's call them like five, six year veterans in the NFL. Most of them would not crack five, five because you don't train for like explosive burst of speed like over the course of 40 yards.
You're like a short yardage. How about how about the fact that the plays, they legally are not even allowed to run down the field.
Right. Their back pedals get better.
It's great that we have that, though. It was actually one of those 40s that was very impressive to just see a man that size moving that fast.
And you're like, holy fuck. These guys are such insane athletes.
Even the fat guys. Most impressive 40s of my life, I would say Don Terry Poe's 40 that he ran like eight years ago.
When he was just a massive dude moving big. Jadavion Clowney.
When he ran the hand-timed one that came in unofficially super, super fast. Chris Johnson.
Chris Johnson. Shaquem Griffin.
When he ran like a 4-3-1. And then they had to change it and add like a couple hundred of a second to it.
And then obviously Chris Jones when his dick broke through his pants. Did you see Henry Ruggs running his 40, and they put up the fastest 40 times since 2003, and it's literally just a list of busts? No one is good on it.
So it was like Hayward Bay, Jacoby Ford, J.J. Nelson, Calico, I don't even remember that guy, Goodwin, who's on the 49ers, Mathis, and John Ross.
Okay. John Ross.
Speed is not good. Too early to tell with John Ross.
Hayward Bay, not a terrible career, but if you'd been picked late in the first round, we wouldn't call him a bust, but since the Raiders, that's on Mark Davis. Well, it was one of those moments that I think every now and then you catch yourself having a thought that then Skip Bayless is actually going to use a whole show to make that same point.
But I had the thought while I was watching it, is being really fast actually bad? Is there a point where being so fast is diminishing returns? Yes. But then everyone said Tyreek Hill, and I was like, yeah, good point.
Well, that's only if you have a quarterback with a giant arm. True.
So the faster you are, the faster you're out of position. And maybe you don't run the routes as well because you can't keep your body under control.
You learn it as a crutch. Right.
Like maybe a DK Metcalf. Hard to get in and out of cuts.
And then the last Combine story. I don't know if you saw this, PFT, but I love this story.
We're slowly getting the leaks of Combine interviews. So this was a's actually I think a video got leaked out Washington tackle Trey Adams was asked if you could change anything about yourself what would it be can you guess what he said if you don't know the answer if you could change anything about yourself the fact that I went to college okay he his answer was close a bigger dick really yes he said i would like to have a bigger dick okay pretty fucking honest why not and listen this doesn't imply that he has a small penis no i think a bigger one that's if you ask like any guy it doesn't matter if they're like two-tone malone or whatever his name is they're just like yeah it'd be nice to have a couple extra a couple extra inches.
There is that one guy who, I remember that story. I think he was in India.
He had such a big dick that he was like, it's actually painful. Yeah.
And like it, he reaches the point where it's painful for your partner too. But even at that point, he had to carry it.
He had to pick it up and carry it when he walked places. Throw it over his shoulder like a backpack.
So he's the only person in the entire world who would answer that question i would actually kind of like to maybe have a smaller dick yeah you could always listen guys will always want a faster car a little bit more money yep and maybe like a couple inches on the head yeah so good good answer by him very honest answer uh so that was that was the combine wrap-up by the way if you want to watch us barstld.com slash PMT. We have the Gronk interview videotaped, obviously.
We were with him down in Super Bowl. What were you going to say, PMT? One other thing.
So at the Combine, went out on Wednesday night, ran into Rich Eisen, who ran the 40 in 5.98 seconds, which is pretty huge. He just always tries to break six seconds for St.
Jude. Next year, you should have to put on a body vest that makes him the size of Makai Becton and see how fast he can run.

A fat suit?

Yeah, he has to put on 150 pounds or whatever he wants.

He has to get dressed up as the nutty professor and then run the 40.

That would be like put a new wrinkle on it.

I know it's for charity and it makes it fun and it is fun, but let's start some new wrinkles.

Let's go fat suit or maybe he even has to gain that weight between now and next year. So I ran into him at the steakhouse bar there on Wednesday night.
I was like, hey, Rich, how's it going? Chili's. You can say Chili's.
Yeah, I was at Chili's too. It was Express.
He was picking up and ordering a tortilla salad or something. He shook my hand.
He's like, PFT, good to see you. Seriously, though, how come you guys said you wanted to kill me when you interviewed Brian Koppelman? Because we do.
We're like think we have to kill you it's called art rich it's called a fucking plot line listen we're trying to tie up the end of one of the best tv series to ever hit prestige television and the only way to do it would be to just calmly slit your throat watch you bleed out make it quick yeah we'll make it dramatic right we only have one chance there's only one chance to film

this honestly like i would probably think about giving my life if it meant one of the greatest

series of television history would ever land the plane correctly right i'd be fine with that people would not complain if you could basically say no one can complain about this finale if i get get murdered on screen in it but in real life right you'd have to at least think so rich just take just take one for the team. We like you, but I mean...
Do the right thing, dude. Yeah, do the right thing.
All right, so we now have to do our Tom Brady update, which is going to be part of this show pretty much every single day, part of every show in the world until he decides where he's playing football. Hank, where are you with the Tom Brady Julian Edelman lip reading Julian Edelman was clearly saying he's coming back he's coming back then there was Tom Brady I don't know if you saw this PFT on the Syracuse sideline saying either said I'm not this guy or he said this guy I'm not or this guy I'm not this guy no he either said this guy like I'm not or this guy.
I'm not this guy. No, he just said this guy, like look at Edelman.
Because the body language was interesting. Because Edelman was saying it, and then Edelman was like, wait, Tom's not laughing.
And then Tom said this guy. See, it was reassuring to me.
The body language to me was like an older brother, little brother situation. I've seen it with you guys before where I say something that's funny, we're messing around, but you guys might not think it's funny.
But to me, it was more of, like, they've talked. Edelman felt comfortable enough to be, like, he's coming back, knowing that he's going to come back eventually.
And Brady's look was, like, the, come on, man, like, this guy. Like, this guy's really doing this right now.
And I'm sure behind the scenes was, like, what the fuck? Yeah, I was saving it for my Hulu ad. And as far as Vrabel goes, when you win a championship, when you win, they're close.
Obviously, they're friends. They're all friends.
They've won championships together. They're boys.
It's not weird for you to FaceTime your boy. That to me is like an overblown, like, oh, my God, he's going to the Titans.
That's not how that operation would be going. Brady would never be doing serious talks to know to know that we would have to get and I wish we I wish this had happened before we had talked to to coach Rabel but we would have to know how many times does Rabel FaceTime with Edelman and Brady in like a given year okay so we need Julian to send us Julian you're listening to us right now send us a screenshot of your most recent FaceTimes so we can do the math on that.
I feel like, yeah, the Tom Brady look where he's like, come on, man, you're embarrassing me. Like, play it cool.
That's probably a look that Tom Brady gives no less than 15 times a day. Because he's always hanging out with somebody that is like little brother.
No one is Tom Brady's big brother. Yeah, it's a weird dynamic for him now that he's been in the NFL for like two decades that everyone he hangs out with is 20 years old.
It's kind of like working at Barstool. I also always assume that whenever there's like a wide receiver hanging out with Tom Brady in public somewhere, that that guy's on Mali.
Yeah. Like Wes Welker.
Or about to be cut. Yeah.
One or the other. But yeah, if I were Hank, hypothetically, this would definitely scare me a little bit.
The fact that Vrabel and Brady are talking to each other and communicating a little bit. Also, this story has gotten to the point where if Tom Brady is seen in public, it's a story about which way he's going.
He just has to exist, and it's a headline. I'm so glad that it's reached this point for Tom Brady, too, because we never had that before.
We've never, ever been able to discuss, like, what if Tom Brady's not a Patriot? I think part of him actually likes the fact that this is, you know, everyone's going to talk about, hey, he's a free agent. He's still one of the best quarterbacks in the league.
Like, that's part of why being a free agent is fun. And as we've said, though, on this show, to new england yes we reported that we have reported that we put our reputation that we don't care about on that fact three it was a consensus a consensus unanimous opinion yeah all three of us got together we talked about it and that was what we decided maybe tom brady will try to go into the booth tom brady could probably get paid more than tony romo oh it to go into the booth right now how awesome would that by the way cutty coming out of the no you know who really has made money this weekend pey manning pay pay yeah pay is gonna get a big time offer because he always said he didn't want to do it he didn't want to do it while uh eli was still playing so pay pay gonna get paid paid how awesome.
How awesome would that be, though, if Aaron Rodgers retired just to get paid more money than Tony Romo tomorrow to go to ESPN? And immediately have he and Tessitore have an icy relationship right out of the gate. All right.
Let's do our Who's Back of the Week. Hank, would you like to start? I would love to start.
My Who's Back week big cat is your boy jim calhoun oh yes i saw this so apparently he's a coach still which i didn't know i thought he was retired he's obviously he's at a coach he's a coach at a d3 school that didn't have men's basketball like three years ago three years ago they didn't even accept males at the school until 2016 uh they didn't have a team until two years ago last Last year they were 16 and 12. This year he won a championship.
Pretty nice. Cut down the nets.
Built that program from the ground up. It would be nice if we could get some old school interviews after a bad loss, but I don't know if that's in the cards.
I don't know how the media availability. They did show him cutting down the nets, which was pretty cool.
I can how like must how much it must have sucked for those kids like the first few weeks of him being their coach when he realized like oh these kids are these kids are not well it must suck for the kids too that's what i'm saying they're like they're jim calhoun is just like you guys are terrible like you're not you're not good like you have to play better yeah also have to be better he started the program himself right yes okay so right? Yes This could be a blueprint for building other programs You find an all girls school Probably super easy to recruit guys To go play basketball at an all girls school When the ratio is like probably 60 to 1 And so then you just build it that way You get like a couple nice horny recruits in the door Like some big dames that just like to fuck a little bit Get get them on campus, and then next thing you know, three years later, you're sitting on top of the division. And the best part about this whole program that he's built is that he's now at a place where it seems like they're good enough that he can step away and Kevin Olley could come in and actually win a game.
So I assume Kevin Olley's still looking for a job somewhere. Worst coach ever to win a national title.
Oh, that's spicy. I mean, I don't know who else we could put on that list.
Izzo? He won it with Joe. Dude, I'm getting flack for your Izzo takes.
I know, I know. I got that the other day.
Someone's like, Big Cat, why are you going to always bash Izzo? It's like, dude, I don't. That's BFT.
No, there's so many times that I bash Izzo and Big Cat, you're silent. You're notably silent over there.
Yeah, you're right. It's complicit.
In fact, if you subscribe to Barstool Gold, you would see Big Cat nodding his head when I'm making my Tom Izzo. I actually am now.
Yes, you are. Yes, I am.
Number one Tom Izzo hater, Big Cat. It is.
Give him all the flack when Michigan State somehow limps their way to a national championship. I've somehow gotten into the...
It happens like every few months where I just have on Twitter like randomly tweeting me players from their favorite college team saying say something nice about this guy. And I usually oblige a few times, but then it gets it's spiraled to like I have to say something nice about a fucking bench guy on Indiana basketball.
I want to put a take out there into the ether real quick. I think this is the year Gonzaga makes the final four.
Oh, it's wide open. They got a good team.
I like that take. I'm going to agree with you.
I mean, historically, they kind of choke in the tournament. I've never gotten that far.
So this could be their year. The Zags year.
Mark Few, best coach to never make a Final Four. Correct.
I think that's actually also a fact. Yep.
Okay, PFT, who's your who's back? My who's back of the week is practical jokes. So not only are the impractical jokers making a movie, but I got practical joked big time in Vegas this weekend.
How so? Big time. So impractical joked you into wearing a dress again? No, that was me.
That was my own brain. And yes, I did get tricked by myself.
Actually, no, it wasn't. You looked good.
I looked great in a dress. I'll be honest with you.
But you're also like we're teet like, we're teetering, I think that's like three or four in the last couple years. We're teetering, like, do you just want to do it? Worn a dress? Yeah.
Oh, yeah, I did wear one with Ivanka. And also- No, no, no.
Super Bowl, I wasn't wearing a dress. Oh, that's true.
I was wearing a tasteful cardigan with jeans, and I had a bra, but no dress. I feel like- This time, I dressed no bra.
Yeah, there's like a rule. Once it's like three or four, it's like, you know what, dude? It's okay.
We're all cool with it. I'll be honest with you.
It was very comfortable. It looked comfortable.
You looked good. Pooping was awesome in a dress.
You looked like someone who would bang 16 dudes at Woodstock with those glasses on. That's awesome.
In the mud. Yeah.
Just lose your mind and be like, I don't know what happened. Woodstock was sick uh but no i got practical joke hard i walked onto an elevator in the las vegas casino in the lobby get on there and there are three people on the elevator they happen to be asian and then the door shuts and then two of them start immediately coughing going oh that's good and then third goes i'm sorry I'm sorry, we're from China.
And then he starts sneezing. And then as it's going up, they're like, we have coronavirus.
Oh, no. And I just started cracking up.
It was such a good impractical joke. I was like, that's funny.
But ever since I told people that story, people are like freaking out. They're like, I would have punched him in their face.
That's fucked up. It's like, no, you don't know that great impractical joke.
like that was that's very good all-time practical joke yeah that's just playing at the you know the casual racism of america well yeah imagine going to a country like china and having the confidence to do that exact same joke to a chinese person that got an elevator with you in their country that's a great joke so like i high-fived him we've shared a good laugh part of his friends and now i got a really really tickly throat and uh my nose can't stop fever by the way a little update on coronavirus and sports analogies that we did on friday in uh the toronto star the headline on the front page was the gretzky of viruses the great one that's we decided to come up with that Yeah, Gretzky was really good, dude. Yeah, so that means that...
He did play in a time when it was like a lot of goals. That means this virus would have wiped out half the face of the earth in the 80s when we don't know how to goaltend.
Yeah, when goalies weren't good at all. And nowadays, it's pretty much ineffective.
He just put the fat guy in goal. Embrace debate.
Are we going coronavirus or are we going COVID-19? I think COVID-19 out of respect for the Corona beer company that's taking a really hard time. And they've lost a lot of money.
A lot of money. And it's very funny because that's just how our brains work.
Oh, that's named like that. If it was the Big Mac virus, McDonald's would be in the fucking toilet.
Well, do you think that maybe this virus was named by a competitor? That If it was Yeah we endorse that If it was by Bud Light I will single handedly try to drink Corona back Into profitability this year That's my promise to you during March I like COVID-19 Just because it kind of sounds like A porn site for college freshmen That definitely definitely gives you a virus. Yeah, for sure.
Yes, absolutely. Absolutely.
Is that your who's back anymore? That's my who's back. Okay.
My who's back, I got two. Tommy Lasorda's back.
I don't know if you guys saw. He's doing an event at Buster's, and he had this, the Photoshop, which we'll put into a clip that we'll put out there.
Let's see. Here we go.
Wait, hold on. I want to read it.
Graphic design is my passion. It is incredible how good this Photoshop is.
It doesn't even say anything at the top. It says, presents a rare spring training public appearance by Tommy Lasorda, and then signing will be hosted at Dave & Buster's Westgate Entertainment District, then it also says with every autograph or photo op ticket purchase you will receive a $20 coupon towards Match Play and 10% dining discount Match Play, that's huge and coupon only available March 7th so the day of the signing he really used a lot of his budget on this signing on his Photoshop because we have 1, two, three, four, five different colors of font.
Well, there you go. I mean, if you have such a great product, you don't really need to spend that much money to market it.
It pops. You let it do the sales for you.
And if we have any listeners out there that want to go attend this, I would love to see a photo opportunity with Tommy Lasorda at a Buster's. Yes.
Maybe get him on the air hockey table. Yes, please.
Just get there with Tommy. Let's see it.
Oh, it also says all drop-offs or mail-in terms must be shipped to Bobble Mania store by Tuesday, March 3rd. No exceptions.
And they just spelled exceptions wrong. So you have to mail your stuff to a store.
To get it signed. And then Tommy's going to sign it and then give it to you in person.
Right. And you go to Dave and Buster's and pretend that he's there.
Okay. Got it.
Sounds like a good idea. And then my other who's back is Barry Sanders because the world forgot about him.
So we had Garth Brooks post a picture. He was doing a concert in Detroit and he was wearing a Sanders 20 jersey and everyone on Facebook flipped out and was like, dude, I like your music, but I hate your politics.
How could you endorse Bernie Sanders? People just forgot that Barry Sanders existed. So now we're back to everyone remembering that Barry Sanders did, in fact, exist.
And he wore 20. Within Barry Sanders, he asked Garth Brooks if he wanted to be his running mate for president.
That would be great. A couple Oklahoma guys.
Yes. That would be wonderful.
Sanders Brooks. Honestly, I would endorse a Barry Sanders presidency.
What if Bernie? That's such a great laugh. Bernie should have him be the VP.
Sanders Sanders. Ooh, I like that.
Now we're talking. Sanders Sanders 2020.
2020. There you go.
Now, and just all Barry has to do is just talk about the games where he just went off and scored a lot of touchdowns. Yeah, all Barry has to do is just read his stat sheet from college.
Check this out. 360 yards, four touchdowns.
Four kick returns. Yeah, like check this out.
You guys didn't think I could score in this game. I scored seven touchdowns.
Oh, other massive who's back of the week is Andy Dalton. Yes.
So you want to talk about that? My body is ready. Because Andy Dalton is being linked to the Chicago Bears.
Yes. I am very ready for this.
I would love for Andy Dalton to get in that room, have a little QB competition. No wrong answers when your QB competition is Andy Dalton and Mitch Trubisky.
I mean, you've been daydreaming about Andy Dalton as a quarterback of the Bears for, what, 10 years now? Dude, he would look. He kind of works on the color scheme.
The whole thing is great. It's perfect.
He would fit in really well with that color scheme you're absolutely right the red hair would pop the freckles would pop and i mean if he got the bears to a super bowl then you'd be vindicated for your spicy take that ruined your friendship with jay cutler yes yes this would actually be perfect everything all my worlds would come back to you know being uh right where where i thought it was six years ago when

my brain was very very dumb uh since i'm talking about we're talking about my team let's talk about your team real quick they lost the tampa vipers you're talking about the dc defenders uh yeah hank did you see they're not my team don't say my team like i'm on the team big cat i'm not on the team hank said you lost to the vipers like 16 times while we're watching that diapers dude Mark Trestman

The Vipes

Handy ass uniforms

0-3

Gross baby barf pea soup-ass helmets. Yeah, it was nasty.
It was a bad game. Verbal meme Vince Carter doing the dunk, but the French guy is PFT and Vince Carter is Katie Nolan.
Boom. No, we're not going at that level just yet.
You got Vip's got no ups you got vice fuck that this was an aberration this week next week we're back at home against the battle hawks dude we're like the battle cocks there you go now you're back now i'm back now that sounds like a good thing reddit with battle cocks that actually sounds very formidable like uh are you thinking like a a penis with a helmet on it or are you thinking like a rooster with razor blades on his feet? No, I'm thinking of a penis holding a sword with maybe a shield. Prince Albert.
Yeah. Well, no, we got the shield in ours.
Oh, they stole it. Yeah.
I mean, that's why it's rivalry week. Wait, that's another rivalry week? Every week is rivalry week in the XFL East.
Just throw out all the record books. Dude, you can't lose to the Vipers.
Well, we're back to 500. That's fine.
We're going back home. Renegade Jim actually was right.
The D.C. Defenders can't win on the road.
We are the D.C. Defenders.
Our name means that we defend our home in D.C. We can't go on the road.
You guys are like the Sixers. We fucking suck on the road.
Listen, it's tough to win on the road in the XFL. It's true.
These crowds have 20,000 people in Tampa. Yeah, in Tampa.
There was one guy who had his shirt off. I would almost say it's harder to win in a stadium that has maybe 10,000 people in like a 60,000 person stadium.
Yep. That's the spin zone.
Because you put it down in your mind. You're like, oh, this game's not that important.
This is a real sport. This is a professional.
It's like playing Northwestern. Yeah, their own fans don't even care about it.
Why should I? This is going to be easy. And they grow out the grass in Tampa, too.
Yeah, for sure. I saw that.
They do to slow down the superior speed of their opponents. Also, the humidity.
It's winter up north. True.
It's summer down south. It's brutal.
It's brutal. All right, let's get to our interview with with rob gronkowski ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working nah neither has ariot ariot work jackets and boots are packed with all the cold stopping waterproof protection you need to get the job done under any conditions so you can take any job out there and always deliver check out ariot in your local workwear retailer or visit Ariat.com slash work to get 10% off your first order when you sign up for email and whether whatever in Ariat work year.
Okay, here he is Rob Gronkowski. All right, we now welcome on our good friend, retired.
I thought we were retired best friend Rob Gronkowski. You know that voice.
We've got the whole Gronkowski clan in here. How many people are in the room? Probably like 20.
Oh, they found the snacks. Red alert.
The best ones too. Someone's like, oh, Gronk's here.
And we're like, yeah, we know. We can hear them coming from a mile away.
Just have footsteps and everything. Yeah, just everyone's yelling and screaming.
And Camille's titties bouncing up and down. I like this.
It's like a live studio audience. Wow.
Yeah. I heard Big Cat's titties bouncing the other day.
All right, so Super Bowl, you're here. Is it weird being here? And you obviously were in a bunch of Super Bowls.
Is it weird being here, seeing it from the other side and all that shit? No, no, not at all. Everyone asks me that question.
Is it weird not being at training camp? Is it weird not playing during the regular season? Is it weird not playing in the playoffs? And now is it weird not being at the Super Bowl? No, man, it's not. You aren't on Sunday going to watch the game and be like, I kind of wish I could get out there just for one game.
Not saying it's a good training camp. If that's the case, if I had a choice and I could play in the Super Bowl for one game, just that game, then I would probably do that.
Yeah. All right, so Rob Gorkowski going to be back for the Patriots next year if they get to the Super Bowl.
Yeah, there we go. There it is.
Breaking news. But the thing is, I have to come back before that date, and then after that date, I just have to tell them they've got to deactivate me every game until they make the Super Bowl.
Right. Bill would totally agree to that.
Yeah, he would agree. I'm going to be here, but I'm not going to practice or play.
Oh, he would love that. He'd be like, yeah, perfect.
Oh, yeah, yeah, he believes in that for sure. Do you miss bed check, not having a bed check and a curfew? That's only during training camp and the night before a game.
But no, I don't miss it. I didn't mind that, though, because, you know, I actually didn't like how the bed check was that late because you try to get the, you know, why stay up the night before a game and then the bed check would be at 11 and you're trying to go to bed at 10 and then they bed check you at 11 and you're already sleeping and they wake your ass up.
That doesn't make a lot of sense. The NFL 100, the team, we didn't watch it.
We're going to wait until July to watch it because we thought it was stupid for them to reveal it in uh december was like why we wanted to bait it right but i assume you made it uh yes i did make it was that cool yeah it was cool actually it was it was an honor for sure i mean it's pretty fucking cool it's the nfl top 100 players of all time and just to be in that category uh was just tremendous man it was it was a huge honor and i actually have a great story that you guys will definitely like. And how I got to know, to be known that I was in the NFL Top 100 was I had a – you guys want to hear a story? Yes, please.
Breaking news. You've never told it before, right? No, no, never told it before.
There we go. And I was waiting for a time.
I even asked my brother. I go, bro, I was like, it's a great story.
And I told him, but he goes, and I was like, I'm going to be able to save this story. Yeah.
For a time I'm on air. Wait, hold on.
Real quick before you start. This story is brought to you by Ice Shaker.
Wow. There you go.
See, I always out hook up the grunts. I don't do this.
What size? The jumbo size Ice Shaker? The jumbo size, yeah. All right, so here we go.
So I get a phone call from New York, and it's no caller ID. And I'm just there like man i don't want to answer this phone call like like i i don't i don't want to answer but you know i'm bored i'm sitting there debating and so i don't answer so then it calls back again and i'm like ah i'll answer i'm whatever i'm gonna mess around let me mess around with this phone call though like so i answer answer.
I'm like, hello. Hello.
Who is this? Hey, Rob. This is Roger Goodell.
This is Roger Goodell. This is Rob Gronkowski.
And I was like, hello. Hello.
And I'm just thinking, like, man, this is why I don't answer. People pranking me.
People prank me. Rob, this is Roger Goodell.
I'm looking for Rob Gronkowski. Hello.
Hello. Is Rob Gronkowski there? Hello.
And I'm like, no, I just hang up. And I just hang up.
I'm like, yeah, they're not getting me. Yeah, they're not getting me.
So then like two days later, the phone call. He comes back again.
And I'm sitting there like, yeah, no way. I'm not answering.
That's definitely not him like he would find like he would have left me a message on other two ones another two phone calls i didn't answer so uh later that day then he calls again the number i mean the number calls again and then this time it leaves they leave a voicemail and i was like okay finally they leave a voicemail and i listened to the voicemail and it ends up being roger goodell again and i'm like i'm like hey it's uh hey rob it's roger goodell uh just looking for you i'm not sure if this is the right number or not that's what he says and i just want to congratulate you man you may have made the nfl top 100 players of all time and i'm just sitting there like man i'm not sure but when i did hang up the first time i was i was thinking my head like it kind of sounded like him right but but that was classic like i go but if it was him he'll he'll find a way to contact me another way so and uh to make the story uh shorter i mean it ended up being him it ended up being your team and then you're 100 right and then i called him back uh called the office back that he told me to call and him back and talked to him. And he didn't bring up anything about that phone call.
That's amazing. But when I see him, I can't wait to bring it up.
I can't. I can't wait to bring it up.
I'm like, yo, who did you think that was? Going, hello. Hello, what is this? I couldn't imagine Rob Gronkowski getting that honor in any other way.
That's the perfect story. Yes.
That should be the voice that you use in your Hall of Fame acceptance speech, too. Yes.
Yes. Are you starting to think about that? Maybe that's when you break out your first DJ set.
Yeah, exactly. You just had the tables up there in Canton? Yeah.
It's actually a party, guys. Or just get an LMFAO to give you a backtrack to it.
Yeah, have them just LMFAOing, shuffling right there.

All that good stuff.

But yeah, on a serious note,

have you thought about what you're going to say when that happens?

No, no, I haven't.

But I could definitely bring that story up.

That would be a great story.

Or even if I get asked about the NFL 100 now, that's a perfect story.

You guys have it first.

I don't even think I have to tell it again because everyone listens to the barstool now.

No, everyone will listen to this, so you're good.

When David Baker comes, the guy from the Hall of Fame, and you know that big dude, the 6'9", 400-pound guy? Yeah. Knocks on your door, just open it up, and you're wearing a dress and lipstick.
You're like, hello? Yeah, hello. That's how you accept all your honors.
Yeah, Patriots Ring of Honor or whatever it is, they do the same thing. Hello? Hello? Hello? Who is this? How many people have asked you where Tom Brady's going? A lot of people everywhere I go.
Yeah, they're losers. This is like, listen to this.
This guy, we're sitting first class on a plane, and everyone's being respectful. And then this other guy in first class comes up to me, and he puts his phone like this.
Like, he's not filming me. Oh, the worst.
Yeah, the worst. You always know.
That's the worst. The worst.
And I'm like, the worst and i'm like yeah dude first i'm just thinking my head yeah i don't see your phone like yeah you're just like that but he's acting like he's that's not up there and he's like so oh yo rob where do you think brady's going uh to the vikings like that would be great and like he's just trying to get like an answer out of me and the way he said it he was like trying to get me going. Right, right.
And I was just sitting there, and I was like, yeah, yeah, he's going to go to the Vikings and compete with Kirk Cousins, and they're going to have two $55 million quarterbacks on their team. Right.
They'll be a great team. And then I was just like, man, what was that guy thinking? Yeah, right.
But it was funny because you just had to be there for the experience because he just had his phone up thinking, like, I was going to give him an answer, like an inside info answer, and I didn't see his phone. Right.
And that's when it started. It was like a week after the season.
Right. I feel like that was the first time.
And you're going to get asked a lot. Oh, yeah.
People are going to keep asking. Every interview, everything.
We're not going to do it. We never do that.
All right. So when you talked to him most recently.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Well, let me read my reference. Where did he sound like he was sitting? Where did he sound like he was sitting? Was there country music playing in the background? What state do you think he was sitting in? Was somebody eating hot chicken? Hey, Rob, it would be an honor if you asked to get released from your rights.
I would love for you to play with me in Chicago next year so we can hang out with Big Cat more. Perfect.
That's crazy. That just came through.
He literally just texted you. That's nuts.
Wow. It's got to be like a little bit...
You're going to have so much fun with this free agency. It's going to be incredible.
It's like, am I coming back? The only reason why I started being like, being like yeah i might come back a week because i was just getting the question if like from the very beginning i was like no like no chance zero percent chance so they're like yeah right yeah right yeah you're coming back so then i was like okay a week later like yeah right you're coming back so i was like okay this is something to play with now right like i'm not just taking the yeah right every time i'm gonna start saying yeah i'm coming back right you could do that you have probably about two or three more years of that i probably got like 10 more years like i'm coming back you need to just release like a video every now and then hype video for yourself tweet out the eyeballs yeah and then maybe like people are like you should come back as a receiver getting skinny and then maybe like five years i can go you know go eat some burgers every single day and beer and i can be like oh i'm coming back as alignment like you lineman at like 310. You come out one day at 310 pounds and be like, he's coming back, but this time as a lineman.
I like this. This is a fun spot for you to be in.
So you get to coming back and then you also get to be the Tom Brady whisperer. Yes, that's true.
Do you still talk to him though, for real? I would assume you guys were pretty tight. Yeah, Yeah, so when you talk to him, does he say what he's going to do? I can't wait to go play for Coach Vrabel.
Oh, Vrabel. Oh, yeah, yeah.
No, I really am not sure. I know he's going to check out his options.
I can give you that much. Okay.
You know, hands down. How many options? He's going to have probably 31 other options.
Ooh. Yeah, but no, not 31.
Wow, so you're saying the Kansas City Chiefs are looking at Tom Brady. Yeah, that's why I said no.
Yeah, they are. They're Baltimore Ravens.
They can get them a million dollars and back up. They would do that for sure.
Yeah, there it is. So that's an option.
That is an option. Yeah, so.
That's true. That is true.
How often do you think Mike Vrabel and Tom Brady talk? Man, I'm not sure. I mean, every time you watch them, they always give each other that big hug.
Yeah, it sounds like they're close. How crazy would that be? Tom threw touchdown passes to Vrabel back in the heyday, and now he's the coach.
How crazy would that be, actually, if he did go to Tennessee? It would be crazy. Yeah, that would be.
Right. So I want to talk real quick about your new career.
You were doing some games on Fox. You were doing some pregame stuff on Fox.
Yes. And in your debut, I think you had perhaps the most spectacular line in any television debut of all time.
You know, I should have just retired off of that one. It was perfect.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I should have retired off of that.
Imagine that, just knocking two careers out in just a couple months. Yeah.
And just retiring from both of them. Right.
And everyone could have been like, Rob, you were so good in that one show when you're coming back. Yeah, when you're coming back and I have to play the comeback game.
But that did happen after that show. Everyone kept asking, and then I wasn't on for like two weeks and they were like, oh, I thought you were on every week.
You're addicted to coming back. Yeah.
Yeah. We're talking about it.
Yeah. That could be my new career.
Right. So my coming back so coming back career a comeback specialist right so the line that you dropped was uh julian edelman's a squirrel and you know he always gets that nut yes when you wrote that down were you like how how long did you laugh at yourself you know i didn't really uh i didn't actually write that down it was actually i there was a couple other things we were preparing and then actually like 10 minutes before they're like oh aaron andrews is gonna throw it to you too rob and you just talk about julian and you know about his game and then uh i was just thinking in my head like man that's good opportunity they you know you got you you know these analysts you know come up with nicknames for people and i was like oh i could use his nickname the squirrel and then no lie i thought of when i thought that he's called the squirrel i remember my brother gordon he always wore this shirt you know a squirrel with a big nut in his hand and it says every squirrel always what was like uh once in a while every squirrel finds a nut or something even a blind squirrel finds a nut yeah and now what was it exactly he's here what was the shirt again exactly what was his exact saying on it even a blind squirrel can get a nut.
Right. And I just pictured that and him wearing that shirt.
And I was like, wow, I can add those two together. Yes.
Genius. And that's where I came up with it.
That's like you're slummed up. I turned around so no one could see me.
I practiced it like three times in a row. The delivery was perfect.
Yeah, to get the delivery down. Do you know what today is? It's Thursday.
I know that. But it's my birthday.
It's your birthday? Yeah. Happy birthday, man.
My birthday is tomorrow, too. Really? Happy birthday tomorrow, man.
No way. But because it's my birthday, people were tweeting at me.
Today is the 6,969th day since the year 2000. Really? That is true.
I knew it was going to be something like that. Remember? That's pretty good, right? Remember we were talking about how 69 went out of style? Yeah, right.
But this is just. But that just happened.
We couldn't stop this from happening. That's what I mean.
It just has to happen naturally. Today's 6969.
Yeah, 6969. Days away from.
So that's a day that you can, you know, after you go one time and you have to do it again. Never going to forget.
My birthday. On my birthday.
On your birthday, too. On my birthday.
So that's three times. Yeah, there you go.
I would say the second most memorable thing that you did on TV this year was the black turtleneck that you brought on. Oh, yeah.
You looked like Danny Cannell if he was like a Silicon Valley swindler. You know, like Elizabeth Holmes mixed with Steve Jobs,

that sort of thing.

All right, Steve Jobs.

That's the one I got a lot.

I was going to say, yeah.

I was going to say, too, yeah.

We're like the same, too, anyways.

Yeah, Steve Jobs and Rob Lankowski, for sure.

For sure.

Those are one and the same.

We look alike when we wear turtlenecks.

It's true.

Everyone looks the same in a black turtleneck.

All right, I got one last question.

Oh, The Rock, too.

That one I got that comparison, too. Yeah, The Rock.
Yeah, he used Yeah, Pat. Yes, that's a great one.
All right, my last question. We're going to get right back to the show.
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This drug class has been associated with neurologic adverse reactions, including seizures part of my take. Are you still reading? Oh, am I reading? You know, I love to read.
You said that you started reading more after you retired. I did, hands down.
And, you know, I actually just started a book. I actually read, like, literally, I read 25 pages of it.
My friend had the book, and it's Ben Greenfield's book. Which one's that? It's called Boundless.
And I was just reading that with my friends. I read 25 pages while just chilling.
I went and ordered the book right away. Hell, yes.
You know something? I was actually, that's when I started doing a lot of that, was reading when I got to catch back up to it for sure. It's actually great.
I love to do it. But another thing I like to do now is sudoku like really someone now that i said i like to do puzzles someone sent me like this whole box of uh sudoku puzzles too and i actually i bring it on the plane with me i've completed 22 out of the 50 puzzles so i feel like we're in like a time machine you just like discovered this this is 2013 i just like you know it's cool to find things just while you're you're in a while time's passing like on a plane instead of.
Instead of just sitting there doodling around, do things like that. Yeah.
That's the one where you have to fit all nine. You fit all nine in the box, right? Yeah, all nine in the columns vertically and horizontally, and then you've got to have the nine in the box.
Right. So to me, I always get intimidated because I think that it's math because there's numbers involved, but it's not really math, right? Yeah.
No, it's not math. I mean, you just got to know numbers one through nine.
So, I mean, that might be a little difficult for some people. Yeah, for sure.
Yeah, it might be. I mean, everyone's not good with numbers like myself.
Right. Everyone's not terrible at reading like myself.
I'm so much better. You said you were.
Oh, I can read, actually. Yeah.
Before, when I started, I when I started, I literally sat there, and it took, like, to read two lines. It was, like, it was really hard.
Right. But now I can actually read, like, a chapter.
Yeah, you said it. Okay, I understand it.
Yeah. Like, it's pretty cool.
And back in the day when I read, I swear, English class, every day, I just read, I didn't even know what I was reading. But no, it was so much better.
Yeah. I wish I started earlier back in the day.
You said that. You said it helps, like, when you're doing media and everything.
Oh, it helps big time. And that's why I started doing it, too.
Yeah, it helps big time talking, all these interviews, doing all that. It literally helps out tremendously.
All right, so there it is. Read more, kids.
Yeah, read more. Start a book club.
What's your favorite book? You know, that's what Marty Bennett does. He just wrote all these books.
So to start a book club, I would have to be really on top of my game. Right.
that would be cool i mean well you know i i'm good enough i used to actually be scared to go read the kids right like a like a kid's book like a fourth grade because there's always one or two big words in there too i can never read yeah yeah no lie i was i didn't want to go to the class because i was scared of those one or two big words right but now i'm not scared i'll go do it you can join our join our Wikipedia club with Blake Portals. Wikipedia club? Okay, you want to know something? This is a classic.
Your friend Dante right there from Barstool. The guy loves Wikipedia so much.
Wikipedia, though, is not always accurate. And my middle name on Wikipedia was Robert Paxson-Gronkowski.
And Dante believed it the whole time. Robert Paxson-Gronkowski? You wrote it it in the chat, and you were just like, oh, Rob, that's your full name? And it was Robert Paxson.
He had no clue. What's your real name? Robert James.
Okay. Yes.
Yeah. For a second, I thought you were saying Robert Paxson.
Gronkowski. You said you were named after something.
Yeah, there was. But yeah, he went to Wikipedia to go find my middle name, and he pulled that up.
That's crazy. One last question for me.
Kittle or Kelsey? Oh, man. They're both good players, but I'll go with Kittle.
There you go. That's our guy.
That's our guy. He likes Kittle.
Good answer. He likes to get dirty in the trenches.
He throws people out of the club. Yeah, he does.
He picks up people, and drops them. And when he gets that ball, he doesn't want to get tackled.
Yes. He says that his dad writes him a letter before every single game to motivate him.
Did your dad ever write you any letters? No, not like that, no. But my dad, you know, throughout the years definitely got us pumped up.
And if you talk to him, he has many hype-up speeches. When he gets going, it's tremendous to be around.
Dad, I don't know. He's here.
It was never letters, but he always had good hype-up speeches when he always coached us. So, you know, everyone's different.
And my dad always brought that hype-up speech to the games, especially when he was coaching us when we were younger. He always got us going.
He actually got the whole team going every time. So he's tremendous at that.
So definitely. And I actually just met Kittle the other day.
Great guy. Yeah, we just had a sit down, actually.

Tony Gonzalez, Kels, Kittle, and myself.

Wow.

And that will be on Fox.

That was a little clip we did.

That'll be on before the Super Bowl.

So that's a great clip for sure.

Okay.

Awesome.

Well, Rob, thank you as always.

Go get your ice shaker.

You can buy it online?

Yeah, you can buy it online.

IceShaker.com.

Get yours now.

Done.

Done.

Yep. Wow.
Great interview. That's unbelievable.
Thank you, guys. We're going to move some product with that story, too.
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All right, back to part of my take. Okay, let's get to some segments.
Also, when is LeBron just going to get old? Like, this is ridiculous. Every single night.
He is old. But he's not old.
35. Can you imagine being 35? He's not old.
Still thinking that you can go hang out with a bunch of young kids. Fucking brutal, man.
Every single night. I know I'm a LeBron hater, but I'm just admitting that admitting that like it's incredible that he's still i swear to god last year like just probably added another six years to his career interest being able to sit out interesting interesting that he hasn't started to look older as he's gotten older also zion is the and one king of the world he gets whistles he's a chalkboard he gets whistles like he is a 10-year vet mvp and i love it well, he's going through hands.
He goes through arms like it's butter. Goes through everything.
All right, speaking of the NBA, let's do a little PR 101 for James Harden. Double PR 101 for James Harden because he started the weekend by getting in a war of words with Giannis, which I think Giannis has actually been kind of asking for for a while.

James Harden isn't really one to go back at people, but he finally did.

We also need to get Rachel Nichols on the show here because this interview looked like

they did it in like a closet.

Yes, it was a little weird.

Yeah, but we show she got it.

She got James Harden to open up a little and James Harden said about Giannis.

I wish I could be seven feet run and just dunk that takes no skill at all I got to actually learn how to play basketball and how to have skill that's kind of a fact yeah I mean except for the fact that Giannis is like insanely skilled his game isn't just dunking but yeah other than that it is a fact if you were short like me you would understand that James Harden's like six five yeah I know but if you were short if you were short like me, you'd understand. This is like the last thing that we have.
We can always say, like, man, you know what? Actually, I truly believe if I was 6'5", I'd be in the NBA. Yeah, Shaq wasn't good.
He was just bigger than everyone. Exactly.
If you didn't let Shaq dunk the ball, he wouldn't have been good at basketball. He had no touch, no footwork, nothing.
He just dunked. Yeah.
That's all he did. And then he shit himself.
Then pooped himself so uh which i won't i will not shame him for that well i will shame because it it didn't look like he pooped himself i'm gonna walk that back it just looked like he didn't wipe properly either didn't wipe properly or no attention maybe maybe maybe a little too much uh time spent at the strip club the night before maybe had a little too much to drink he was at the casino the night He was at the casino. There it is.
He had a big bowl of chili in the morning. Yeah, I don't even think it's the...
He might not have... It might not have been a wiping thing.
It might have been just more like, hey, he's just got a leaky ass. You know those days you're like, hey, this is going to be a leaky ass day.
Sometimes... Yeah, you're farting on the bench and it's like usually you have the red shorts.
It's like no one even notices. But you realize you can't even do those questionable farts if you're wearing those red shorts.
you have to have awareness of the color of your pants at all times after you hit the age of like 27 yeah that's just a good rule to live by yes uh it might be just maybe euro stepping there's like a lot of swiping between your butt cheeks that happens a lot of friction i noticed before i even saw the pictures like of the screenshot but it was weird how long he was on the ground at the end of the half. And like, that was from where the screenshot was from.
Like, I think something might've happened because it was like he fell on the ground and then he was on the ground. Like he was hurt for like 10 minutes, but he wasn't hurt.
He was just farting. He was doing my fart pose, getting on the ground and letting it all out.
I actually think that like, as I'm like the Dexter of poop spatter, I'm like a poop spatter analysis guy. And to me, that just looked like it was prolonged exposure to small amounts of poop that was on his butt.
So I'm just thinking he didn't wipe well. That's not like I shit myself.
Tough. It's tough that the internet is still at a place where we don't accept this.
Like that this just happens. We've done a lot of work, a lot of groundwork to try to make this not a bugaboo anymore.
that when someone poops their pants, we don't immediately make jokes and shame. Or poops the shower.
But we have a long way to go. It seems like this story just reminded me that we've come a long way, but we have even farther to go.
When you take the knife halfway out of my back, I don't thank you for pulling it halfway out. I say pull it all the way out.
Yeah, right. I congratulate you for doing that.
Right.

Please, let's stop the poop shaming.

Made steps.

Oh, conspiracy theory.

Maybe he was trying to send a signal out to Gabrielle Union.

Like, hey.

Come eat this.

Yeah, ditch the zero and get with a hero.

Come get this.

Get a guy who's still playing in the league.

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah.

All right, we have a Sabermetrics.

This is for Hank's love of his life. Is Jason Tatum a love of your life yet? Yes.
Fully. Fully love of your life? Has been.
Yeah. Well, you know like that moment when a player goes from, ooh, we're crushing to I would die for this guy.
Has he gone to the I would die for this guy? Yeah. As a fan, not obviously die.
The him and Scary Terry in the playoffs a few years ago elevated him. Right.
But now it's like it's nice to see him getting the national attention that he deserves. There's nothing better than reaching the I would die for this guy player, like, that you root for.
You're like, anything he does. And everyone, you can tell, too, when other people start getting jealous or other people mention, like, hey, that guy looks good.
So either way, Sabermetrics, Jason Tatum. We don't know how this updated from last night, but it did have more than 30 points.
But this was from the first 42 games. So since Jason Tatum fully connected his beard, he had kind of a choppy beard there on his sideburns.
He fully connected it. First 42 games of the season, he was averaging 21 points per game, 43.5 field goal percentage, and 36.3 from three.
The 11 games after he connected it, 30.5 points per game, so he jumped up a full nine points, 51.4 field goal percentage, and he's shooting 50% from three. It is the true definition of look good, feel good, feel good, play good.

But he's also more susceptible to the coronavirus.

True.

So you got to give the good and bad there.

Is that a big win for you, by the way?

Oh, huge.

Like, I don't even have to shave my beard.

I can't. You can walk around being like, I'm actually just being, it's preventative care for the

coronavirus.

Well, I'm like early stages, Jason Tatum, my entire life.

It just doesn't connect.

You'll never get to the superstar level. I'm never going to get sick.
That's fine. I'm fine being like a very good player that shows up in the playoffs.
But, yeah, Hank, what's your status on chin strap? Are you pro chin strap? I think he does look better. Like it is.
You look better and you start saying, hey, maybe I belong. Yeah, absolutely.
A full beard can change things. It really can.
Have you thought about getting a chin strap? No. I used to, when I was starting to grow my hair, I experimented with a lot of stuff.
Chin strap, I went there. Didn't go so well? I feel like you have to do that.
If you grow up anywhere within 60 miles of Boston, Massachusetts, you have to have a chin strap at some point. The 90s reliever look.

What's it called?

What is it?

Soul patch.

Soul patch.

Soul patch with the goatee that connects.

The Jim Rome.

That's the mid-90s relief pitch.

Steve Bedrosian had that.

Came out of the womb wearing one of those. The goatee, the line up into the chin strap,

like the line up into the thin chin strap.

Where's Jim Rome?

CBS Sports.

Yeah.

The CBS Sports Minute.

I'm pretty sure the annual smack off is coming soon, isn't it? I need to do a list of guys who are just getting paid for never being anywhere. No, you know what Jim Rome's doing? He's doing a world tour.
Is he? Yeah. For real? Yeah, he's going to like, you can buy certain packages.
Jim Rome and Rome? Tickets to go meet. Well, he's only doing Buffalo, New York, but it's called the world tour.
Well, for a guy from Southern California, that's a world tour. That is.
Yeah, it's absolutely a world. Well, let's actually look up the Jim Rome world tour ticket packages.
Yes, because there's like a diamond level that gives you like a meet and greet with Jim Rome, but you can't take a picture with him. And then there's like a platinum level that gets you.
You can say hello to him for five minutes and you get a picture. What's the level where we can send in our bobblehead? Let's see.
I'm trying to figure that out right now. All right, the Jim Rome World Tour.
I need it. I actually have another Sabermetrics while you look that up.
Okay. From Bruce Arians, because he came out very anti-analytics.
Real football guy. He gave a speech.
I think it was at the Combine. He said, I've actually heard of guys calling plays using analytics, and I don't know how that works.

I mean, run to the right, run a sweep, throw the ball.

What the hell?

I don't need a computer to tell me that.

If you do, you're not a coach.

If you've got to have a computer tell you to go for it on fourth and two,

you're getting your ass kicked.

You ain't going to make it.

The computer said go for it because you're likely to win the game.

No, you're going to get your ass kicked. I like this.
it's been a while since we've had a pushback on the analytics you know what though if you just if you phrase it to bruce and you were like uh we're not going to call this analytics it's just ask madden but it just runs like the simulator like madden does the video game right and just uh you get told what played around and be like yeah john madden told me to do that if you just tell him that that's your that that's your analytics department, it's John Madden's brain. Here's the best part.
Ready? I don't have a math brain, you think? I don't have a math brain, you know. So for me, analytics comes into play.
Dude is 6'5", 240, and he's smart and he can throw. He's probably going to be a good quarterback because I've seen that.
They're named Peyton. They're named Tom.
So if that's analytics, yeah, shit, I'll use it. So good.
The analytics that he's using is just like big guy named Tom, he's a good quarterback. Yeah, the two best quarterbacks of the last 20 years.
Is that analytics, knowing that they're good? I don't think so. I don't think so.
All right, update on the Jim Rome World Tour. Yes, please.
Here's the complete lineup of tour dates. April 11th, Buffalo, New whoa and that's it that's it that's it that's all he's got on the gym rome world tour fuck someone needs to go to so we're giving a lot of homework out there to the awl someone needs to go to tommy lasorda's david buster meet up and someone has to go to the gym rome world tour so if you want the clone bar photo opportunity with jim you get one premium reserve ticket access to jim's post-show vip clone bar cocktail hour you get one gift from jim asterix uh this is like when motley crew still and that item is not autographed that item is not going to be autographed jeez it says specifically and the one gift from jim uh the asterix means gift merchandise will ship directly to purchase her after show.
So he's not going to hand it to you. It'll just be sent to you at some point.
You get a fucking ornament for your tree. And you get a win in Rome only post show conversation with Jim.
Damn. You get to have a conversation.
How long does that last? Doesn't say. Wow.
Probably 30 seconds. Cut his vine.
Cut this loser's vine.

I can't wait for this.

All right, last up, we need to do a little Tim Tebow update.

PFT.

Did you see?

Yeah.

I mean, it was a sunny day.

Two things.

One, the sun was shining directly in his eyes in left field.

Fact.

Two, his shoes were untied.

Fact. So right after he tripped over his own feet.

And if you looked at how he stuck his glove up in the air, it was a pretty athletic play to make up for the fact that he tripped over his own ass. He almost caught it.
He almost caught it, and then he gets up, and then the first thing that he does is ties his shoe, makes sure that everybody knows. Shoes run tied a little bit here.
Keith Hernandez gave a little tip after. He's like, you've got to cut those bad boys so that you don't have to double loop it.
Oh, that's a smart tip. When Team Tebow gets to his 15th spring training still

destined for single A ball, he will know

that trick. Tell you what, no, Tim, you're going to learn it right

now because I'll put it in terms you can understand.

Next time, circumcise your shoelaces.

Just cut the tips off.

Cut those suckers off. Never trip

over them again. I'm still confident he'll get called off.

He's also playing in the Olympics, right? Or no, does baseball

play in the Olympics still? The World Baseball Classic.

He's playing for the Philippines. Tim Tebow.
Just getting reps. It's going to be great.
He's going to get out there. He's going to play with the best of the world.
I need Tim Tebow to play in Major League Baseball. When you think of best of the world, you think of Tim Tebow.
Yes. That's a fact now.
Maybe he needs to stop having sex. I didn't even know they did the World Baseball Classic.
Have you thought about that? Does Tim Tebow have too much sex now? Yeah. He's never tripped like this until he got married.
You can't go changing such a huge part of your life and expect to be the same athlete that you were before. Do you think people laughed at him when he got back in the dugout or do you think it's kind of awkward? No, they don't laugh because he's a great friend of all theirs.
But that's bad if they don't laugh at him. Because if you laugh at someone after that, that's just like you're one of the guys.
Not being laughed at in that moment is like you're a charity case. You're out here.
We're just doing a make-a-wish for you to play baseball. Okay.
Don't you agree with that? Yeah, I was thinking back to my tryout with the defenders, and everyone laughed when I missed it. So that was good.
You're one of the guys. But you said that they don't think they laughed.
Listen, I'm way more narcissistic than I am a Tim Tebow fan.

So yes, you're right, Big Cat.

It is a problem that they did not laugh at Tim Tebow.

All right, that's our show.

We got a bunch of great interviews coming up all week.

We got a bunch in the can.

I don't know.

We'll see.

We'll see what people want.

We'll ask the people.

Maybe we'll poll the people what they want for the rest of the week.

But we have some awesome ones coming up, and we'll see everyone on Wednesday. Love you guys.
Kane is in the building Take me home Take me home Take me home Take me home Talking away I don't know what I'm. I'll say it anyway.

Today is another day to find you.

Shine it away.

I'll be coming for your love of faith.

Shine it away.

I'll be coming for your love of faith. We let's sing.

I'm all singing. But we're stumbling away.
We'll see you next week. Take me out.
Take care. Take on me.
Take on me. Take on me.
Take on me. Take on me.
Take on me. Take on me.
It's Pardon My Take presented by Barstool Sports.