Actor Miles Teller, MLB Playoff Rules, And We Get Inside The Mind Of A Marketing Genius, Dana B

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On today's part of my take, we have Miles Teller.

A little interesting, different type of interview.

I actually didn't know a ton about Miles Teller, but I liked the guy.

He was a true ball buster in the good way, so we had a lot of fun with him. We have baseball losing their mind.

We have hot seat, cool thrown. guys on chicks, a little this league, a lot to get to on a Wednesday.
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Bye! Let's go. And then I can't leave all on the sun Oh no We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue It's Pardon My Take presented by Barstool Sports Welcome to Pardon My Take presented by the Cash App Go download it now.
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Today is Wednesday, February 12th, and baseball is very relevant. Way to stay relevant, baseball.
You have maximized the first two weeks of February. Really, this was their sweet spot well because they knew that they were going to have a couple weeks they could sneak in right after the super bowl before the combine they didn't count on the xfl and they wanted to get everyone to stop talking about the astros and the fact that their entire like the last three championships have been tarnished by people banging on trash cans and sneakily all they had to do to get us to stop talking about the Astros was to just not have baseball be in the news at all.

Because we naturally, in the cyclical nature of sports,

this is baseball hibernation season that we're in.

So they could have just kept their mouths shut and we wouldn't bring it up.

But they did.

They changed the rules.

They did a little Mike Greenberg.

It's an entire league run by an army of Mike Greenbergs right now. do you have the rules in front of you yeah so they did it's it's a proposal and let's back up for a second because this actually is prime baseball season for the most diehard baseball fan you know tweeting three days till pitchers and catchers or pitchers and catchers have uh you know arrived and we're still two months away from meaningful baseball so it is pitchers and catchers as far as I know, they spend like one week away from Arizona and Florida every year.
They take like a year vacation from being reported. It's a big season for watching your favorite team, like the new acquisition, throw 10 baseballs off a mound and then go and play 18 holes of golf.
You take a picture of them or a grainy video, like a Bigfoot quality video through a chain link fence that also has that blockade screen laid over it from about 300 yards away. New rule for baseball.
We're going to get to the actual proposed new rules, but here's how you could stay relevant baseball. Have Bartolo Colon report every single spring spring even though he's not on a team anymore.

Just to see how fat he is.

Just have him report.

That should actually be like

Punxsutawney Phil. It should be

baseball's back. He just reports

to just Arizona

in general. He doesn't even go to a camp.

He can do both. He can do one Arizona,

one Florida, have the families

on opposite coasts from each other.

Perfect. And then he just shows up carrying an old school suitcase suitcase, wearing a Tommy Bahamas shirt and a fedora.
And then boom. That's the perfect beginning to spring right there.
Okay, so the proposed rule is baseball wants to, I think it's in 2022 it would start. They want to have the playoffs shift to seven teams.
Seven teams make the playoffs in the AL and seven teams make the playoff in the NL. Now what happens from there? The first team, the best team in the league, gets a bye.
So both AL and NL have one bye. Then going down the list from there, you have the next best team gets to pick their first round opponent.

And so the first round switches.

So the first round, instead of the one-game playoff,

the first round is now a three-game series all at the higher seeds home stadium.

So there's still benefit for being a 2-3 or 4 seed.

Or no, 2-3 or 4 seed.

Okay.

Wait, no, 2-3 or 4.

Yes, because 5-6-7. So 2-3 and 4 all are at two or three seed.
Okay. Wait, no.
Two, three, or four. Yes, because five, six, seven.
So two, three, and four all are at home for three games. Got it.
To start the playoffs. Now, what happens is there's selection Sunday.
They're all at home for a three-game series? Yes. So all three games.
You mean two out of three? All three games are at home. Oh, wow.
Okay. Yeah.
So it gives obviously the benefit, you know, if you're 81 and 81 and you get the seventh seed, you don't get a home playoff. All right.
So let me ask you this. If you're in the National League and you're going up, let's say the Dodgers somehow only get the fifth seed.
Do you want playoff cursor on the first round? Yeah, this is the intrigue. So this is why, and we'll get to the fallout and people being upset about it.
But yes, that's what ends up happening. So you get the

selection Sunday. The two, three,

and four get to... or two

and three get to pick their opponent. Four goes with

whoever's left. So the two seed

gets to pick whoever they want to play.

It could be the seventh team. It could be the fifth

team. It doesn't matter.

Yeah, the fifth team. I'm getting confused.

I got all the numbers. Basically, the four is

the last person at the bar at the end of the night.

And you're like, yeah, I guess me and you are

going to do this. It's the ultimate bulletin

Thank you. And then, of course, the three seed gets to pick.
And then the four seed ends up with the five or whoever is left. And that will be new playoffs and then they go next round goes back to the regular so four teams are left regular five game series got it then the cs i personally it's crazy it's stupid and i know baseball purists will hate it but from a fundamental level of uh making september more enjoyable making a lot of markets still feel like they have a shot,

having just more playoff baseball, which isn't a bad thing,

and eliminating the one-game playoff that always kind of feels like it screws someone over,

I'm kind of in on this.

Listen, I don't like the one-game playoff,

even though it worked out really well for the Nationals this year

just because of that error in the eighth inning.

But I was very close to being on the wrong side of that one-game playoff, even though it worked out really well for the Nationals this year just because of that error in the eighth inning. But I was very close to being on the wrong side of that one-game playoff, and it sucks.
It sucks. I don't like it at all.
It doesn't feel fair after 162-game season to have one game where it's like, okay, you lose, you go home. So I'm with you.
I like replacing that. I also like the intrigue of having a bye week, even though I hope that a team i root for never has a bye week that sounds like it sucks yeah just sit around well you get to you get to get everyone in in line you get to watch everyone else beat each other up so it's actually good i mean it's a competitive advantage i know but i don't like it really isn't that long because i would assume they would start playing the next series right like they'd play the first round right away yeah so it'd be like thursday or friday would be your first game i don't like the idea of a bye week i don't like it i like keeping in rhythm if you're a baseball team um i will rest first rust debate there we go we can have it every single year circumstance but uh i i do like how it's messing with people's brains because you're right the outcome of all this is i think it's more fun it's more fun and it screws things up because people in the past are like, wait, this is change.
Baseball people don't like change. But at the end of the day, I think that this is a pretty entertaining way of doing it.
It's just weird. It's weird.
It's just weird. It is weird.
It took us like five minutes to explain what the hell is going on. And that's four minutes more than my brain in this age of the internet can process.
So the downside, and I understand this, the baseball season is already very, very long. I actually think it should be about 10 games shorter regardless and don't play all the way until December, although snow baseball would be incredible.
But the downside is this. You will end up having a bunch of rich owners try to tell their fan base that they've made the playoffs three or four years in a row when they were like 82 and 80 and getting the sixth or seventh seed there will be some crappy teams that get into the tournament and that is kind of bullshit and you have like that whole they don't ever owners can basically never have to go all in because they can they can sell to their fan base that they're always competitive because they finished three games away from making the playoffs, even though in the way it's currently constructed, they would have been 10 games out or something.
I still think this would be like, it's more fun. There's more teams.
It's more fun. The trade deadline gets more intriguing.
The September gets more intriguing. Like it all seems like it would make sense.
I know that baseball is the last sport to change, but this feels like I'm in. Okay, the other side of that coin that you just mentioned, which is some shittier teams can make the playoffs, we get upsets in the playoffs now.
We can have Cinderella stories in the playoffs. We can have a team, can you imagine a 7 seed? The Mets last year I think would have made it as a 6 or 7 seed.
They had one of the best pitching rotations. Can you imagine a 7th? Now that I've got my own personal untainted World Series title as a diehard Nats fan, I'm fine with whatever screwy changes they make and somebody sneaking in as a 7th seed to the World Series next year.
I'm fine with that. I think you're right.
The more fan bases that are involved later on in the season, the better for everybody. And you know what? Those owners that are going to say, well, you know what? We made the playoffs.
We don't have to change that much. They're the same owners that are just not going to change anything anyways.
Right. And the shitty teams getting in, that kind of will suck.
I'm looking at it right now. I think everyone would have been over 500.
Yeah, there's an argument. That's all we need.
Almost half the league is making the playoffs, but okay. I mean, that's still fun.
NHL too. It's like, I don't see a problem with that long term because back in the day, it's encouraging mediocrity though.
Well, but here's the problem. Baseball if you root for a team that is out in, I don't know, July, like that happens all the time in baseball.
I feel like more teams would be invested I'm fine with that. If you were for a team that is out in, I don't know, July, that happens all the time in baseball.
I feel like more teams would be invested, more cities would be invested. Take the Seattle Mariners, for example.
Seattle hasn't made the playoffs in 20 years. I don't think people realize that.
They haven't made the playoffs since 2001. That would be fun to have Seattle playoff baseball.
They wouldn't make it in Seattle because it wouldn't be good enough, But maybe they'd get in there. It's paying off the owners that haven't put in the effort to make their team play off worthy.
I agree with that. So it's like you're paying off the people that are just taking advantage of the fans.
I agree with that. That is a fundamental flaw in this.
But, Hank, it's also giving you a chance. It's saying that I'm sure Seattle would be fine with having their owner continue to not strive for greatness and do anything to try to win them a World Series if it meant that they had been in the playoffs five of the last 20 years.
Right. They get that one week of glory.
As a Redskins fan, that one wild card that we get once every six years is an electric weekend. I'm addicted to in the hunt.
I'm addicted to in the hunt. We get everyone's in the hunt.
Everyone is in the hunt at all times. It's funny because like this seems like bailout for the owners.
That's how it is. No, and it also is this.
Hank Leftwood. We have needed this.
It is. The millionaires and the billionaires.
The participation trophy. But we, by the way, participation trophies, like just a quick word on that.
As soon as I became a dad, my son got a gold medal for just showing up to Jim, and he deserved that gold medal. I was like, fuck yeah, you got that, dude.
You fucking showed up. So I'm all in on participation trophies.
That flipped in my brain. I'm fine with participation trophies.
I love my kids. What's the first thing that you do? You give them bronze shoes, right? It's like, yeah, here you go.
You made it into the world. I texted everyone in the picture.
I was like, check it out. Gold medal.
No big deal. He's only six months old.
It's like, what'd he do? Well, he sat there and he sat there. But guess what? Gold medal.
Leroy one time got a certificate for not getting kicked out of obedience class. That's huge.
That was massive for me. That's huge.
I'm fine with that. And going back to rewarding mediocrity, I'm going to flip it because some people say we reward mediocrity too much i think that the best life lesson of all is teaching you that if you're perfectly average at something and you get hot at the right time in the right place you can be great yeah that's ultimately mark eli manning that's the best man yeah that's the best lesson that you can learn life forget this bullshit where it's like you have to strive to succeed and dominate everything if you want greatness.
That's not true at all. No.
As long as you're like averagely consistent at something and then you peak at the right time, boom. That's as great as you could hope for in a life.
No one's really special. You can have special moments though.
That's right. Like my son's gold medal.
Right. Well, honestly, don't diminish that.
He showed up for Jim. He did.
He was there. But this does sound like an Adam Silver idea that he got.
He gets his ideas from Twitter, and Rob Manfred gets his ideas from Arrowhead. Well, and again, we said at the start, this was clearly a let's have everyone not talk about the Astros.
So we can see right through that. I would imagine this isn't going to to even happen Trevor Bauer went straight at Rob Manfred on Twitter which I love that like even though I like this idea I like that Trevor Bauer is just like fuck this I'm going straight at the commissioner and he basically just said I'm pulling up his tweet right now he said no idea who made this new playoff format proposal but Rob is responsible for it.
So I'll direct this to you, Rob Manfred. Your proposal is absurd for too many reasons to type on Twitter and proves you have absolutely no clue about baseball.
You're a joke. You're a joke.
You're a joke. Now, the biggest shock in that, he spelled your Y-O-U apostrophe-R-E, right? Yeah.
Wow. So he did it.
So he went all in. Either way, we're talking about talking about baseball so credit to baseball you got us to talk about you in the middle of february there should be an xfl for baseball now i i want an xfl for everything for like every single sport just like an alternative they have with weirder rules they have three levels of minor league baseball yeah but i'm talking about like actually four or five rules like a rule where six count college you you can elect to bat from 10 feet away from the pitcher and your home run will be worth 10.
So we're just every sport on acid. Yes.
Okay, I'm down with that. That's the Arrowwood thing.
All right, so you can watch us on BarstoolGold.com slash PMT. We also have...
All Dog Bat Boys. All Dog Bat Boys works.
We also have a little quick football news. So Phil Rivers officially no longer a San Diego Charger.
Sad day. Credit to the Chargers who changed their Twitter avatar to 17.
That was a nice little, you know, that's our guy. And then.
There's a mutual parting of ways, by the way. Let's frame this correctly.
Yesilip rivers shouldn't be a charger right they both decided that philip rivers skills are vastly diminishing and we needed to move on um we also have news from the tom brady camp so robert craft basically said the only way that this is going to work is if tom brady goes and tests free agency and bill belichick goes and tests free agency and they both realize they love each other. This is the plot of the breakup, right? This is the plot of like 100,000 movies.
Did you see the breakup? Because they didn't end back up together. They saw each other on the street, but we don't know.
The breakup, that's the Vince Vaughn one, right? They saw each other in the last scene, but we don't know if they ended up back together.

We thought they might.

Who's playing the role of the karaoke,

like acapella-obsessed brother-in-law?

It's got to be Gronk in this one, right?

Yeah.

Come, come.

Are you not worried?

No.

So you're not worried at all that someone overpays for Tom Brady

or on the alternative, which I think is totally a possibility,

Bill Belichick, someone like an Andy Dalton or Jameis Winston or someone like that says, hey, I'll take like zero dollars to play for you. That would be interesting.
Yeah, because I mean, if you're a quarterback who thinks, hey, I have skills, but I've been coached poorly my entire life, you'd go and take nothing to go play for Bill Belichick. Jay Cutler.
I'm absolutely not worried. I'm not even letting myself get worried for a second.
If it happens, I'm going to be blindsided and heartbroken, but I don't. I still think he's going to end up a Patriot.
I'm not letting myself even consider that a possibility. I still think he's going to be a Patriot, but that does feel like a weird strategy to be like, hey, everyone needs to go fool around with other people and hope they still love each other at the end of the day.
Yes. Yeah.
Okay. If you love something, set it free.
It's not even fool around with each other. If it returns, then it was meant to be.
Yeah, there's also, there's other movies where it's the same plot line, but it's like, you go out, you try and talk to other girls, and you're just like, ugh. I want that old thing back.
What? Really? You're like, I want that old thing? That's what you're calling Tom Brady, that old thing? No, Tom Brady's going to say that about the Patriots. You want Bob Kraft, that old thing? Tom Brady's going to get wined and dined by the Chargers and be like, ugh.
Yeah. Gross.
Yeah. Gross.
Pretty much. Los Angeles sucks.
Where else is he being linked to right now? Tennessee? Texas? Dallas? Texas? I mean, Michael Irvin just started that rumor out of nowhere. A lot of places with very lax incest laws are noticed.
There's like a cottage industry this offseason where you can just create rumors out of nowhere. Like Michael Irvin just decided, hey, you know what? I'm going to get my name out there and just create a rumor.
Say the Cowboys wanted Tom Brady. I am hearing Tom Brady to the Oakland Las Vegas Raiders.
That's what I just heard. He could move right into Derek Carr's house.
Came right across the line right now. So no worry.
It's like we talked to Jason Biggs a couple weeks ago. We haven't aired the interview yet.
But spoiler alert, his wife bought him a hooker for their anniversary. That's kind of what Bob Kraft is doing here.
He's getting Tom Brady a nice massage and getting Belichick a nice massage. Either way, I'm actually like, I want to thank them because this does create content for basically the month of March, like football content in the month of March.
It really will be the biggest story. There's actually a lot of quarterbacks that are going to be.
I mean, Dak, Phillip Rivers, Jameis, Andy Dalton, Nick Foles. Drew Brees, Taysom Hill.
Once Nick Foles' name comes across Bill Belichick's desk, that's going to be a moment of truth right there. It's like, do I want to go for this guy? Get him on the cheat maybe? Could you imagine if Bill Belichick won a Super Bowl with andy dalton yeah yeah i could imagine it yeah probably probably that would be for sure i just can't imagine andy dalton like like like looking at andy dalton be like yeah he's got it okay well let's continue what was that eye roll hank go ahead nothing nothing.
I got nothing to say. Hank was about to say how we stick up for every recurring guest of the show that's been a quarterback, but now you're trashing Andy Dalton.
We give him a hard time. No, I was going to say Andy Dalton greater than Jimmy G.
Oh, there's the take. That is spicy.
I like it. Oh, that's another team.
If the Patriots are like, oh, if they had Jimmy G, they'd be winning. If they had Andy Dalton, they probably would be winning as well.
Would you take Jimmy G back this offseason if Kirk Cousins goes to San Francisco? Andy Dalton is the king of everything right, and everything kind of is almost right. They would probably need some weapons, but everything else would be right for them.
Right, yeah. All right.
Well, extending with that girlfriend analogy just real quick, if you're Bill Belichick and you want to go fool around with a wild girl, like a little something strange after being locked in this relationship for so long and everything's getting stale, which quarterback out there fits that, Bill? Because there's one. I mean, it's Jameis.
It's Jameis. It's Jameis.
It's Jameis Winston. Jameis is the most opposite of Tom Brady.
Yes. But Bill doesn't do that.
Bill doesn't want a wild thing. Jameis got LASIK, by the way.
Yes, he did. He got LASIK.
He got LASIK. His eyes are clear.
He'll see linebackers now. He can see through that Foxborough smog.
It's going to be great. Jameis is going to be awesome next year.
Listen, if he wants, if Bill Belichick wants to prove. I said that so confidently.
Without a doubt that he is the best coach of the Super Bowl era. The only way that he can put everything to bed on that conversation.
I think Andy Dalton does that too. Jameis Winston makes him by far the best head coach in the history of football.
I think if he won a Super Bowl with Andy Dalton it would be pretty, pretty convincing. If he can fix bad girl Jameis.
Oh, fuck. He should trade for Mitch Trubisky.
Yeah, he really should. Or just keep Tom to win two more.
Which is probably what's going to happen. Yeah.
All right, let's get to Hot Seat Cool Throne before we get to Miles Teller. Hey, it's Rhea from Tricks in the Office.
It's officially mini skort season, and Abercrombie has the ones to go out in. Their Scarlet Mini is a classic.
It's one of those skirts that fits the outfit vibe for any plans and i'm excited to style their new sienna skort it's a little more flirty and it's perfect for date night make plans to go out in abercrombie shop their newest arrivals in store and online hank your hot seat cool throw uh my hot seat are the mets minor leaguers uh single a saint lucy Mets, the spring training Mets facility. They got a $57 million renovation.
It's like an unbelievable clubhouse, state-of-the-art, all this stuff. And it's in the same town as their single A team.
But they're not going to let the single A team use the locker room so that they have something to strive for going forward in their career. So they're just going to use it for the spring, and then it's just going to be open, and there's going to be a team training there, but they can't use the state-of-the-art locker.
Yeah, that's a classic rich friend parent move. I don't know if you guys had this growing up, but I had a couple friends where their parents had a room in their house that was really nice, had a bunch of sweet furniture in it, but you just don't go in that room.
Nobody's allowed in the room room that's just our room that's really nicely decorated with cool couches and like decorative pillows everywhere but you do not step fucking foot in that room buddy you would think though that like getting paid minimum wage or less than significantly less than minimum ride on buses all the time stay in like shitty shitty share hotel rooms. You'd think that would probably be enough to keep them hungry.
But no, this is probably good. And it might attract players, you know, prospects, things of that nature.
It's like, oh, if you play for us, you know, you can use the state of the art facility that's literally just sitting there otherwise. I'm just thinking of a guy who gets paid like $500 a month.
Yes. And has to ride a bus and sleep in a Motel 6 with like three roommates and share a bed.
Jerk each other off. And then he walks by the nice facility every single day.
Like, well, thank God they're making me stay hungry. One day I'm going to be in that room sitting down.
I can't wait. Got it.
All right. What's your cool throne? My cool throne is our darling Jake.

Yes.

I actually had that on my cool throne as well.

Jake Marsh, our sweet prince, our beautiful son, making it to the big time.

Yep.

No longer the Vermont radio announcer.

He is doing the game tonight, Wednesday night on ESPN Plus.

I'm so excited to see this.

On the Deuce Deuce.

Making it to the show.

I cannot wait to listen to Jake go off.

I'm sure he's going to look forward to a college basketball game in a long time.

Oh, you're not a true Catamount fan?

No, just college basketball in general.

Mount up.

I haven't got this hyped up in a while.

Mount up, Cats, because this is going to be a big one.

Here we go.

Seven seconds left.

Find Shungu.

Five seconds left.

It's Shungu top of the key.

Off to Davis.

Davis.

Reverse lineup is good.

2.2 left. No timeouts.
Hartford. One second the greatest calls.
That's like up there with Do You Believe in Miracles? Havlicek stole the ball. He stepped out of bounds.
He stepped out of bounds. I think that, honestly, like the people at ESPN Plus or whoever's making the decision

saw that.

We're like, we got to get this guy on the call.

Well, they heard that.

They heard the tic-tac-toe.

Yeah.

That's another one of the things.

You know what's going to be funny?

Let's have everybody do Jake a favor.

He contributed a lot to part of my takeover.

He still does.

He still does, even though he's working like two full-time jobs.

Jake is a great kid.

He's got a bright future.

Everyone listen to his call. Watch.
Watch. Watch it.
On ESPN+. Yes.
Watch. Yes.
Have it on. Going for 10 straight wins.
Have it on. I want ESPN+, his numbers to just skyrocket for the Catamount games tonight.
Okay. That's a.
I'm serious. Helped out a competitor.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. For Jake.
For Jake. For Jake.
And then deactivate your account right afterwards. Yeah.
Cancel it. Cancel your credit card.
Throw your credit card in the ocean. Uh-huh.
That'll do it. Do that.
That's a Jake bump coming at you tomorrow. Yeah, because then he'll get another gig, hopefully.
I mean, Jake's a star. He's going to be fucking Al Michaels, and we're going to be like, remember that guy? He got us our coffee.
Mm-hmm. All right, PFT, what's your hot seat, Cool Throne? My hot seat is the rest of the world's intelligence agencies.
Okay. Everywhere in the world's CIAs and spies.
Number one, Homeland's back. I watched that last night.
Pretty sweet. Yeah, Homeland's back.
They did a really shitty job of telling you that it's back, but it is. I thought that show ended years ago.
No, Carrie's still freaking out. She's showing off her neck tendons, breathing hard, crying.
Nice. The best move that show ever did, by the way,

was when Carrie had a baby, like season two,

and they were like, this baby is making the show awful.

And they just gave the baby away,

and they're like, we're going to pretend she doesn't have a kid anymore.

Yeah.

But in addition to that,

there was a story today in the Washington Post that every intelligence company,

or most intelligence agencies in the world, have buying encryption machines to like make their own codes and the company that's been selling them these encryption machines has been a front for the cia so we've been alfying the entire world smart by giving them these machines to make their own codes that we have access to so we know all their codes. Nice.
That's like a big – that's like Houston Astros, they would murder an entire roster, an entire minor league roster, to achieve that level of spying. But China has TikTok.
China has, and they also have Pokemon Ghost. They have the inside of their houses.
So kind of a high-level chess game going on. So now we can spy on the Chinese looking into our own homes.
Right. So you tell me who's the elf in that situation.
The other hot seat is our innocence. Our collective innocence because Papa John was lying to us.
What do you mean? You remember when he said that he ate 40 pizzas in a month? Yeah, I remember. He said today he was lying about that.
What? He ordered, he claims he ordered 40 pizzas in a month so that he could inspect them to see the quality of Papa John's pizza he says that he wasn't actually eating them he made that part up he exaggerated that part um judging by the quality of his skin I think that he probably was eating at least 25 of those pizzas very Very oily. And the grease that was just dripping down his face.

So wait, if he lied about that, what can we believe?

I don't know.

We can't really believe anything.

Do we even believe that he said racial slurs on a conference call?

We don't know.

We don't know.

Were you there?

I didn't hear it.

I'm still waiting for all the facts to come out.

But he says that he, yeah, he just ordered them so he can inspect them.

Okay.

Saying like, I only... Quality control.
I only smelled this bag of cocaine to see if it had gone bad. Right.
Right. It makes sense.
It didn't. Yeah.
But you did make sure. And then my cool throne is Taysom Hill.
So Taysom Hill's got his name in the news saying that he wants to be a starting quarterback. Shout out Mike Florio.
A franchise quarterback. Mike Florio thinks that he's one of the best quarterbacks in the entire NFL.
Florio, we need to have a word with Florio. He's got the hot takes.
Offseason Florio has hit a little harder than usual. He's just going crazy with them.
He's in the zone. He is in the zone.
He's doing heat checks right now. He thinks Taysom could be a franchise quarterback.
Most people, I with i would say all he's thrown all he's thrown like 12 passes yeah and also the just basic logic of if he was a franchise quarterback and drew breeze got hurt why didn't they have tasem hill play quarterback instead of teddy bridgewater right that's a good point tasem hill is sean payton if sean payton thought tasem hill was better than Teddy Bridgewater, he would have had Taysom Hill play quarterback. Probably, yes.
Right. But, yeah.
So Taysom Hill is like, he's like bacon, right? Bacon makes some dishes better, you would say. Are we in like 2010 internet? No, that's what I'm saying.
Then when you get to the 2010 internet guy who's like, epic bacon wins, I'm gonna make bacon flavored ice cream and bacon toothpaste, because bacon's the right and you put bacon in everything you're like no actually bacon kind of sucks yeah so that's good with eggs and that's about it right taysom hill is the bacon of the nfl that makes sense i like that analogy all right my hot seat is society in general because pam anderson is in debt and that means we failed her pam anderson should not be in debt at all, ever. I agree.
Everyone go out there and rent a copy of barbed wire. I guess she married some old dude for like 12 days, and the old dude paid off like $200,000 worth of her debt, and then they got divorced.
Great move. But I think there's probably more debt, and we as a society should come together.
fuck the GoFundMe for the person who gets bullied on the side of the school bus. Pam Anderson has done great things for society, has done great things for anyone who's between the ages of 30 and 45.
We need to get together and help her out. I agree with that.
And you can with her new website, Jasmine, where you can do private one-on-one chats. With Pam Anderson? Oh, yeah.
How much are they? I don't know. Find out.
I'm going to log on right now. You find out.
But you're right. She has contributed so much.
And I'm not just saying personal enjoyment. No, just everything.
But the Pam Anderson and Tommy tape that came out in what year was that? Like 94, 95? Sure. The fact that everyone was so horny and trying to access it all over the internet actually made the internet faster.
Right. We came up with technological advances to try to acquire like a higher, what is it? What's the word I'm looking for? Like higher quality versions.
Bandwidth. Higher bandwidth versions of this sex tape.
It actually improved the world's technology. I've said it before.
All innovation starts with porn. It does.
All innovation in the world starts with porn. With Mark Cuban.
Yeah, it all starts with porn. All right, my cool throne is Duke.
It's Duke's year. I'm officially ready to say it.
Like, it is Duke's year. I know that I joked about it last year, Hank, but I'm telling you, man-to-man right now, I trust only Duke to win the national championship this year.
Will you be making a bet? We can save this for March Madness, but I do think it is Duke's year. They win games in improbable fashion.
Since we're both of that thinking, we should make a bet together. Okay.
Great. Against PFT, we're on team Duke, and PFT can be on the opposite side.
No, I'm not rooting for Duke. Coach K.
Oh, you just said it's our year. No, I'm just rolling over.
You said it. You were joking.
You just said that you were serious. It really is.
It's Duke's year. All right.
You see how solid. There's nothing I can do.
There's nothing I can do. Me and you will be making a bet against PFT.
Well, we should get Bubba. I don't want to be two on one here.
True. I only have so many holes.
Duke is definitely going to win. They're definitely going to win it all.
So what should the stakes of this bet be? This stinks. We can make it in March Madness, but this stinks.
It just sucks. They're going to win it all.
It's a crazy year, though. It is a crazy year in college basketball.
You never know what's going to happen. How fucking Matt Hurt guy.
What is that his name? Stud. Just elbowing everyone.
I know he didn't hit the player, but he tried. That should have been a flagrant in its own his face shouldn't have been there i mean no he actually didn't hit anyone so like it wasn't a flagrant but it should have been because the intent if you try to kill someone you still go to jail for attempted murder he tried that fair though he tried to take the virginia check or the florida state players players head off punishing incompetence so that should have been a flagrant two and someone actually aptly pointed out on Twitter we should take away his birthday and Coach K's birthday which is tomorrow shout out to Coach K yeah he definitely told the refs that too he's like it's birthday week dude can you make sure you get us a couple calls he shares birthday week with RG3 who un unironically used and valentine's day birthday week uh because greta took him on a whirlwind vacation down to mexico for his birthday week nice birthday week um all right let's get to our interview with miles teller before we do that we're gonna get right back to the show did you know 39 of teen drivers admit to texting while driving even scarier those who text are more likely to speed and run red lights.
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Sign up for Greenlight Infinity at greenlight.com slash podcast. All right, back to part of my take.
Okay, here he is, Miles Teller. And we now welcome on very special guest.
It is Hollywood actor Miles Teller. He's in the new movie Top Gun Maverick coming out this summer.
Very excited for this movie. I think everyone's excited for this movie.
Perfect summer movie. How many Gs did you have to take while filming it? I think seven and a half is the max performance of the aircraft.
So if we went above that, you know, can't say, but seven and a half, the max. How many times did you, like, how many hours were you up in one of these fighter jets? So we had about three months of flight training before the movie started.
Tom kind of laid out a system for us. So we started out in the Cessna, and then we started doing aerobatics training in the X-300, and then we went to the and then in the F18.
It was a good amount. I could get my pilot's license if I wanted to probably in two weeks.
One of the guys, Glenn, actually, he's almost done. He takes his test on Wednesday.
Tom actually set up the entire training schedule for you guys? Yeah, it was pretty regimented because when they did the first one, Tom was the only guy who could handle being up there. Most of the other guys, they kind of went up once.
They got sick, and the footage was unusable. So Tom, knowing that we were going to make the second one, he said, I want it to all be practical.
And, yeah, there's no green screen, man. I mean, we're up in the F-18.
We strap in with a Top Gun pilot, and we just, you know, we rip. Yeah.
Did you puke? I didn't puke. You can say if you did.
It's not a big deal. Yeah, no, I know.
Of course. You're a bit tough around us.
Yeah, okay. All right.
I still hope this thing had to be tough around you guys. Yeah, did you puke? No.
Okay. All right.
All right. I believe you now.
I believe you now. It's not a bad thing to puke.
Yeah. It's perfectly natural.
Honestly right honestly though like half the um you know half the uh there's like six kind of the next the new gen of pilots and 50 of them were puking even up until the last day i think it's just something that you either have a tolerance for it or you don't right did you brown out or red out or blackout you know it's funny like my wife's from california and she was the first person who introduced the phrase brown out to me she's like oh i'm browning out i go that sounds so silly right it's like you're you're you're you either blackout or you don't she's like no brown out you know you can get crossfade i'm like now what the hell are you talking about crossfade what's what's that? Crossfade, she's like, you know, if you're stoned and you're drunk, it's crossfaded.

I'm like, we just called it.

I like that.

Fucked up.

Whatever life.

A left hand, a right hand.

Yeah.

You say lit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But people stopped saying that like three years ago.

You can still say lit.

He's wearing an XFL hat, bro.

No, we're in the late 30s.

Lit is actually the word you should be using.

Okay.

I am lit right now.

No, we can't say lit.

I believe it.

Yeah. We're crossfaded.
We're definitely crossfaded. Speaking of Tom Cruise, I got to ask you a question.
Did you see the movie Valkyrie? No. Okay.
So did you see the picture of his ass from Valkyrie? No. Because he didn't see the movie.
He was wearing it. Yeah, but this kind of went viral.
Maybe I was just doing it. It went viral.
Deep search. It went viral.
And this is his bud from Valkyrie. Do you think prosthetic? Oh, man.
Yeah, that's thick with like seven C's. Wow.
That's thick. You know, I'm going to say that's his real ass because Tom doesn't cheat.
He doesn't cut corners. Right.
Well, except for when he hires all the actors to be shorter than him. Yeah, exactly.
Right. But other than that, you're right.
Is this a thing? Yeah. No, that's an actual still frame from the movie Valkyrie.
But I'm saying, is this like a... People talk about his ass.
People talk about his ass. Just a lot of key cards from everyone.
Just so the audience knows. You guys know.
HID, Prox card. I got my ACLU card in there.
So you're trying to arrest me.

You got a Chick-fil-A card.

A C-A Sports card.

Yeah.

Good dog.

Yeah.

Do you want that Chick-fil-A card?

Here's your guy over there.

Okay.

All right.

Oh.

He read the name and was not happy.

ACLU member.

What's that?

Uh-huh.

That's because I get arrested a lot.

So it's good to have that.

No, you're right.

Attorney or something?

Yeah, no, you're right.

Yeah, no, you're right.

Okay.

No, you're right.

You can't be arrested when you're detained.

A subway card.

Yeah.

Need that to get to work.

Fair.

She's got everything. It's the Super Bowl, you know what I mean? Do you want going to put that back.
It's too much. You can have the chicken.
You want the chicken card? I am. Chick-fil-A? Yeah.
I know what it is. All right, so you're a big Eagles fan.
Yeah. Do you think Carson Wentz is good? Yeah, man.
Carson's great. That's a real question.
Carson's great. No, it's not.
Yeah, it is. No, it's not.
Yes, it is. No, it's not.
I don't think anybody – Now, the question is, like, will he learn to maybe protect himself a little more to stay on the field? But you can't look at the numbers that the guy put up. You know, obviously the MVP caliber season before he got hurt.
And this year, throwing – you know, with basically practice squad guys, for him to throw for that many yards and not have a single wide receiver over 500 yards,

you know, he put the team on his back, though.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

No, you're a real Eagles fan,

because I asked that specific question,

because real Eagles fans then go on, like,

their list of reasons why Carson Wentz is awesome.

Because they list, you know, because that's Eagle,

I mean, that's a lot of the sports talk, you know what I mean?

And that's Philly to a certain extent.

It's just like, but he can't do this or that, but he's a real of the sports talk, you know what I mean? And that's Philly to a certain extent. It's just like, but he can't do that.
He's not this or that. But he's a real deal.
Okay. Alternate question.
What are your guys' teams? Bears and Redskins. Double doink.
Oh, no. Double doink, baby.
Why did he do that? Double doink. It was very sensitive about that.
It was tipped. It actually wasn't.
I actually am the only person who would do. I will not allow people to say it wasody parker can't make it what are we paying he sucks all year goddamn fucking kicks there's his life there's actually the best there's a clip of from this show the friday before and i was like something bad's gonna happen he's gonna hit a post or something and then it happened so i knew it was yeah and you guys yeah you Mitch Trubisky? Do you like Mitch? Huh? Do you like Mitch Trubisky? No, why are you asking that? I want to hear his thoughts.
Do I like Mitch Trubisky? Do you think he's a good quarterback? More than a friend. More than a friend.
I think certain guys, once they get in the right system. I looked at Jared Goff.
His first year playing, I was like, man, I don't see it. And then he actually got time in the pocket.
I know Jared, too. You're name dropping.
No, I know. No, your friend dropping, I guess.
We didn't want you to bash him. I'm just saying.
Okay. I'm just saying.
You love him. Same.
Same. Once he got time in the pocket, you know.
Yeah. So with Chubisky, yeah.
Yeah. I don't know, man.
I'm not. If you're asking me would I rather have Wentz or Chubisky, I think Wentz's skill set is a little better.
That was the perfect Mitch Chubisky answer ever. Like, just say a lot of words.
How do you feel about him? Basically what you said. Say a lot of words and then be like, I don't know.
Now, Jordan Howard, obviously he got hurt a little bit. He was running the ball great for us.
I was surprised we got him from you guys for such a low pick when he's like third in the league and touchdown since he came to the league. And Alshon.
I loved Alshon. Alshon did whatever.
He won the Super Bowl. He had a torn rotator cuff.
Everything. He's always injured.
Yeah. He's a warrior.
He's down the field this year. So Carson Wentz, yes.
Oh, yeah. Better than Dak.
Yeah, dude. Huh? Is he better than Dak? Absolutely.
Yes. Alright.
Not a hesitation there. Now, as a feeling Now, as a feeling.
You can't ask anybody on the Cowboys or the Giants or the Skins. So I was saying, like, fantasy football to me, it's kind of like I hate the fact that guys now, we get at bars, we're talking about individual players.
It's like, no, like, where's the fandom for the team? Like, I'm an Eagles fan. You're a Cowboys fan.
We don't have anything to talk about. Right.
You know, it's like that type of thing. I hate this.
Like, people just get into this. Oh, I got this player and this player and this player.
It's like, ugh. Agreed.
People talking about fantasy football like a bar just makes me sick. Wait.
So, has it changed? Because I saw, I think you were on ESPN. It was like owns multiple fantasy teams.
Yeah, I think you said something about that. I might have.
I was like, who is this motherfucker? No, I might have. Yeah, yeah.
I was like, who is this dude? It's like, nobody cares. Miles, you got four fantasy teams.
I'm like, I didn't ask myself the question. Yeah, that does sound like me.
So do you still have four? Somebody said that's like, oh, it's just him. I'm like, fuck this.
Yeah. Do you still have four fantasy teams? I'm in two.
I'm in, yeah, I think I'm probably in five, man. I don't want to be.
The one that I honestly care about the most is the one I've been in for 10 years with my high school buddies. That's the one that really means something.
But Matthew Berry invited me to a league, and then a couple of these other guys are in a league. One was for charity.
Absolutely. You know, that was great.
Who's on your team? Honestly, man, I wipe. Hit the men in black button.
Reset. Yeah.
That's smart. I mean, I know I had Kittle.
Nobody cares about your fancy team. No one cares.
Sorry, you're driving. Yeah, yeah.
I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear.

Kittle's awesome.

Tight ends, I don't – I wait for a QB.

I was running back.

I was running back heavy.

And, yeah, Kittle, I try and get a good tight end

because I think tight ends are like flavor of the week.

You're like, oh, O.J. Howard or something.

This guy's hot.

You grab him, and he does nothing.

So I think if you can get a couple of those top few guys, then that's something I try and stick by. As a Philly guy, will you disavow Gritty for assaulting that child? I gotta see the paper.
I gotta see the file. You know, innocent until proven guilty.
I mean, Gritty does look... Somebody said he looked like a child's drawing

of what a serial killer looks like.

That is the ultimate Philly controversy.

He's nuts.

I love it.

Philly fanatic, I don't know if you guys have done this debate on the show,

but is hands down the best mascot in sports.

I love him.

He's up there.

Who's the second?

He's up there.

Who's your top five?

I like your horse in Indianapolis, the one that does

the gyrations when they make a field goal.

That guy's a pervert. Casey Wolf?

Yeah, he's a pervert. Here's my problem

with Philly Fanatic. Timeless sort of beat

the shit out of him. Haven't looked at him the same since.

Yeah, yeah.

I remember going to games with the vet, and the Fanatic

always on the four-wheeler. He's just

the best. He is.
I met him out

of his suit in Clearwater at spring training. Uh-oh.
I was like, I actually don't want to know that. Yeah.
But even the guy in his own life, he's like very animated and pretty old, or a little older now. Yes.
Respect to, yeah. He also could just be lying to you.
That's a perfect lie to tell somebody. It's like, hey, I'm the Philly fanatic.
You can't prove that he's not the Philly fanatic. No, you know.
Yeah. You know.
You can see it in his eyes. You're like, that guy's been in a costume for way too long.
Yeah. Yeah.
You can tell. Very friendly.
I have to ask you this. So the Esquire thing in 2015, are you a dick? Yeah.
I have a quiz for you to find out personally. If I'm a dick.
Okay. Perfect.
Pig Pen, Brent, Vince, or Keith Godshaw? Who's your favorite keyboardist for The Grateful Dead? I mean, well, yeah, pig pen, just because he was the blues. Okay.
You know what I mean? And he drank himself to death. He wasn't as much into the, you know, once they were getting into the drugs.
I just, you're always going to have love for pig pen. Okay.
All right, so you're not a dick. If you had answered Keithith godshot i would have been like come on dude yeah are you serious you guys are you deadhead yeah i am so and i've read that you were with uh with mayor uh i have actually not seen them yet oh you gotta see i know i know and the i mean the the you know deadhead they've really rallied behind john man because he adds an energy right on the guitar that you know, when I had seen further a couple times, they were kind of lacking.
Yeah, that was a weird time. He does a great Althea.
Yeah. So do you go still see them on the road? I was going to see them at the forum.
I didn't see them, but pretty much, yeah, every year I'll see them. I was going to go into playing in the same.
I'm just telling you things I didn't do. Yeah.
That's okay. That's fun.
But I was going to. That actually is a podcast idea.
Things we didn't do. I didn't play in the NFL.
Yeah. Yeah.
I was going to say the exact same thing. Like, I could have been a professional athlete, but I just didn't want to.
Well, I'm not saying could have been. I was saying I was, yeah.
Like, I haven't won an Oscar yet. Yeah.
We're going to. Hey, don't give up, man.
People win Oscars. You have one? Popping out of the blue, huh? Do you have an Oscar? Yeah.
I have three. No.
No. Oh, you don't? No.'t? Oh, so then you're part of our podcast.
You're part of our non-Oscar podcast. We're basically just as good at acting as you are.
Where did the XFL happen? From the XFL. I tried out last week.
Get out of here. Instead of the kickoff, don't they just throw the ball out there and two dudes like, that was old school.
And they stopped that because the very first time they did that, somebody tore their ACL. So it wasn't the greatest rule change in the history of sports.
But, yeah, they do weird kickoff rules, and now there are no extra points. What was your tryout? I was a kicker.
So I went four for six. I was perfect from 36 yards.
That's pretty good. You could kick for the Bears.
Yeah, I could. You know what? You might be too qualified to kick for the Bears.
Here's the thing. I actually have decided Esquire, fuck you because Miles Teller's not a dick.
He's just Philly. Like, I know Philly guys.
You're Philly. That's not a dick.
Yeah, but also you got to realize, man, like, that is the nature. You know, it's like you, you know, splashing a little shit talk, you know? Right.
It's not a dick. It's just.
It's the nature of... And here's the other thing, man.
If somebody told you something about somebody, but you hadn't met that person, are you the type of person to just be like, oh, yeah. I know nothing about this girl interviewing, but I'm going to trust her opinion.
Right. Are you mad at Esquire? Take that out of the bank.
Are you mad at Esquire for that whole article? Was that a weird thing to have happen where everyone's like fuck this guy no I guess just like you know and you know you know full disclosure uh yeah you know it's like my like I work very I've worked very hard in this business to get a certain you know reputation that reputation somebody like works really hard you know it's very professional and stuff and it's just annoying how like somebody can come up and say a little something. And for people that don't know you, yeah, it kind of soils your name a little bit.
I think reputation is very important. But, you know, it's all good.
I mean, I think she did her job well because I think more people clicked on her little profile picture. Miles Teller is a dick moves more papers than saying, Miles Teller, he's an okay guy.
He works pretty hard. Deadhead.
Fantasy football. Fantasy football.
Expert. What's an appropriate amount of team? If they popped up on there and they're like, Miles is in two fantasy football leagues.
Is that still getting up? I probably would have chirped you. Shit on that a little bit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, if it just said Miles Teller might know what fantasy football is, I'd have been like, I'll let that one pass.
Oh, okay. Cool guy.
Yeah. That's right around there.
Cool. Little Birdie told me that you're a fan of the Booze and Burgers show that we do with Lenny Ball.
Well, I was a fan. I do like his, I do like the setup.
I like his voice. I just like the way he gets into it.
He's very like like, he's passionate. It's erotic.
But also he, yeah. But also in the one show, he got a long drink.
Now, long drink is this company that I became, like, co-owner of in Finland. It's the biggest drink in Finland.
It's a mixture of gin and grapefruit. They're bringing it to the States for the first time.
It's a canned beverage. It's delicious.
And he tried it, and he gave it his whatever how many balls you know yeah uh it was a good amount of balls it was yeah how many solid number of balls yeah how many balls would you give top gun two five five balls so you do know the system yeah yeah okay good that was a good test yeah you had said six were like you're a fraud no you only go to five as soon soon as I left, you were like, rookie score. Six out of five? That's not possible.
Yeah, it is. I mean, the ball system, like, you know, sliced bread, the car, the wheel, fire, the ball system.
That's kind of like the greatest inventions in the world. Yeah, the ball system.
I'd put that on there as well. You're right.
Yeah, one right yeah one to ten guitar the guitar no one plays a guitar anymore right give me a sick like drum space xylophone oh have a dude just rolling on the xylophones i'll see you there you know it depends i saw i mean i used to but i saw dead and company uh you know heart he's doing some real like crossman they're doing some really interesting

stuff with like the synthesizer stuff now okay uh synth drum sounds so i yeah i stayed you stayed oh yeah wow yeah bigger man than me yeah this break yeah i know it was i saw him at the hollywood bowl which is a great venue uh you've never been there that's all yeah yeah do you uh do you watch your own movies? I watch

them once

with just like a small group, like my publicist

my... been there that's all yeah yeah do you uh do you watch your own movies i watch them once uh with just like a small group like my publicist my my agent um kelly my wife um and yeah it's pretty uncomfortable like even first time we saw whiplash i was just like i don't know you know it's so you work on something for so long well whiplash was like 19 days but you work on something for so long you know it's months's months and months, and you have all these, you know, it's like an experience, man.
You think, oh, shit. And then it's cut down to a two-hour movie, and it's like, that's what I look like.
I hate listening to my voice, all this stuff. And then I'll watch it at the premiere, just kind of as a, you know, I think that's just being kind of professional.
And then, yeah, that's it. Every once in a while, I'll be sitting there with a good buzz, and I'll be like, oh, one of my movies watch this shit and now it's like turn this oh my god yeah that's probably be uncomfortable watching you listen to a podcast you watch your stuff back no yeah see ever like that's like reading like you know like uh you mentioned something that's just like you don't read the mentions no i mean sometimes you know sometimes uh but for the most Instagram, you know, Twitter or something, I feel like I can write some stuff and then kind of get off it, but it's just so, everyone's just pretty, I don't know.
So you don't search your name? Huh? Like on what, Google or something? No, like name search on Twitter, see what the people are saying. Not really.
I guess maybe if I'm seeing, yeah, if something's like bad. Do you want us to do it for you? Yeah, I'm on it right now.
We can search for you. Nice.
I mean, you know, however you guys want to spend this time. Yeah, this is the perfect way to spend this time.
This is great, great podcasting. Nice.
Do you have a podcast? Uh, no. Do you want to get a podcast? Yeah, I don't know.
Yeah, whatever. Yeah, no.
Who's the big sponsors here? Amsterdam Vodka?

Yeah.

Do you guys shout them out before, like Rogan?

Honestly, Miles Teller fucking sucks.

How do I know this?

He's exactly to the T the type of guy I'd fall for.

Oh, that took a turn.

Oh, wow.

Damn.

Wow.

I thought I got you there.

Fuck.

Wow.

Shit.

All right, so that woman likes you a lot.

Do I have to lean forward in this thing?

Yo, Miles Teller fucking sucks. LMAO.
I don't know what you did to that guy. So yeah, you should check this just to stay humble.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
Exactly. Yeah, I mean, you saw me talking about your fantasy team, so you at least saw that, right? I mean, do you want to know just like what a bunch of kind of random people are thinking about you? Well, the good ones.
I mean yeah I get I think it says slippery slope but yeah I try to this one is ya coneste Miles Teller hace que la película valga la pena so you'll put that up in a translation when you guys cut this together it means I think what they're saying la pena la means big it's actually it actually Pena. Yeah, you do the math.

It just means Miles Teller is a dick, and he has too many fantasy teams.

That's a direct translation.

I mean, I'll take a word for it.

I got to college.

I dropped AP Calculus, went to French 1.

Fuck yes.

That's kind of a humble brag.

I was in AP Calculus, though.

That's a brag brag.

I was in AP Calculus, though.

I like that.

Here's a good one.

This is from Husky Dave Grohl.

He said, just peed next to Miles Teller. Do you remember that? There was a guy kind of staring.
Looking like Dave Grohl. That was from earlier today.
Oh, okay. That's why you can't.
Yeah, that's why you got to stay out of that. It's a scary world.
Internet is a scary place. It is.
He got 40 likes on that. Wow.
Man, that's the best way to chase Cloud is just piss next to him. That's nice.
Who's got the most followers out of the different personalities here? And you guys like, oh, I got more followers than you, man. No, not really.
Because I have the most, so I don't have to say that. I just got verified.
I also watch, was it Riggs? I watch the golf. Yeah.
Yeah, that's a nice, I like that. That's a nice little setup, man.
Not as good as the ball system, but it's good. Maybe if we can get Riggs to start rating golf courses on the ball scale, now we got Miles Tellers.
Yeah, but then it's going to get to a point where you don't need one of them. Right.
So you got to stay in your lane a little bit. Right.
All right. I got a real question for you.
No, you don't. How the hell? No, I do.
How the hell do you decide what movies you want to do? I mean, it depends. Top Gun I had to audition for, but that was something that it's the director who I worked with on this film, Only the Brave, which is about the wildland firefighters in Prescott, Arizona, a couple of years ago, passed away 19 out of the 20.
So, you know, but for the most part, it kind of goes in ways man like i i was working a lot and i was like i'll take some time off took a year off and then you know i thought certain scripts were going to be there they weren't uh if i'm fortunate which is what i've i've been lucky to do that the script that i've read like bleed for this or thank you for your service uh you know only, Spectacular Now, Whiplash. Those were films that I read and loved and the director wanted to work with me.
Right. But yeah, sometimes you got to, you know, I don't know.
I always, for me, I guess it's like, how good is this script? What's the potential of the project? Because there are certain movies where I'm like, even if we did the best version of this, it's like a seven. So you at least want to give yourself a chance to win.
Now, whether or not that movie, you can be in a great movie, but nobody sees it. So then it's like, is that looked at as a failure? Even though the movie, you know you made a great movie, but people just didn't happen to see it.
They didn't want to see soldiers dealing with PTSD. They didn't want to see a movie with Wildland Firefighters or whatever it is.
So it's interesting, man. Then it'll get to a certain point where you also – it's your livelihood.
So it's one of the few professions where you can absolutely be a sellout. You can lose a lot of your audience by making the most money at your skill set.
So that's a balance, too. That's a game you've got to play.
That's an interesting way to put it because you're basically saying if you want to maximize your money take care of your family people could look at it and be like fuck this guy that's oh yeah i mean that's the thing people say oh he did this or this uh and it's like now granted i've never really done something purely for you know a paycheck uh i haven't even really got to that point people are just throwing tons of money at me to do something stupid. But, yeah, I mean, I look at it.
I'm like, man, the money, like whenever I've made money on stuff, yeah, exactly. Like what it's done for me to be able to help out, you know, my family and stuff like that.
And my buddies obviously want me to get to the point like Clooney where he gave, you know, all his best friends a million bucks. Right.
Are you going to do that? Yeah? No. Are we your friends? No, I just like it.

Hey, man.

Appreciate you.

Buddy, it's worth $500,000.

No, you're actually going to owe me money.

Okay.

Probably after this.

So wait, hold on.

We'll put you in our script.

What script?

We have a movie.

You guys have a movie?

Adam Sandler is producing it.

Adam Sandler is producing it. Is that for real?

You know who's attached?

A little guy named Zac Efron. You know him? Yeah.
All right. What is it? It's called Boner Dogs.
So there's a dog, and he's got a boner. It's kind of like a mixture of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Ranger with Hansel and Gretel.
So they get lost in the woods. They all make fun of the dog because he's the only one with a boner.
But it snows and the only way they can find the way back... They make fun of the dog because he's the only one that can get a boner? No, he has a boner all the time.
Yeah, Red Rocky. Yeah, no one's got the lipstick except him.
And it snows and it covers up their trash. And they can only get back by tracing the boner on the way back.
Yeah. Now it's just live action or animated.
It's animation. Sure, yeah.
And bonus, I think we're going to produce it in the Bahamas offshore. Nice.
So it's going to be a foreign animated short, so it'll be really easy to get nominated for an Oscar that you've been chasing. Nice.
Who's the Fyre Festival dude? Why do you ask that? Billy McFarlane. Billy McFarlane.
No, no, no. We're going to produce it.
Sounds like a... We are going to produce it on the same island that they did Fyre Festival.
Sandler, Zach Efron, Jimmy Tatro. Now, why Jimmy...
Yeah, I remember... That's funny.
No, we're serious. You don't like Jimmy? No, I'm just saying he had Jimmy back in his old videos.
Yeah, I think he's a pretty funny kid. Yeah.
Did you ever watch the Bo Burnham stuff? Yeah, we get him attached. Bo Burnham, hilarious.
Yeah, we get him attached. David Spade.
Anyone you want. Now, why? David Spade.

What, Zac Efron?

Topher Grace?

Why did Zac, I mean, he came after this.

Well, we went to his house, and we did a video with him, and he did our podcast, and we basically

trapped him in a van, and we said, before you leave, you need to sign right here, and

he signed.

We actually did Booze and Burgers with Zac Efron.

We did.

Nice.

We did.

He ate the bun? Yes. He actually said, I don't usually do this.
And then we turned on the camera and we went after it. Okay, cheat day.
Yeah, exactly. He's got a good body.
Yeah, he's great. Do you know Zac? Huh? Do you know Zac? Yeah, we did a movie, me, him, and Michael B.
Jordan. This movie, That Awkward Moment.
Ooh, sounds good. Yeah.
Is there a genre? It's no boner dog. A couple of chuckles in there.
A few laughs. Is there a genre of movie that you've wanted to do? I feel like I've done a good amount.
Porn. Corn? Porn.
Pornography. Porn has their own genre of music.
Pornography. What about pornography?

You take just a husk and you can put your brain over there. Yeah, freak on.

At least you don't even have the titles right there.

What about sports?

Huh?

Sports.

Sports movie.

I would love to do a baseball movie.

Really?

I just think baseball lends itself cinematically because at any given time, half the team's

in the dugout.

It's a slower pace.

It's in between the pitches.

Balls do not play that much.

And yeah, it's just something classic about it. We'll write you a baseball movie.
We could. Baseball movie.
We could write it. What about a movie where it's you? Hold on.
Hold on. Hear me out.
You know those bat dogs? The bat dogs that bring the bats out and they bring them back? Minor leagues it. So the dog has a boner.
And you are out there and you keep breaking your bat. So like, boom, maple, I don't know what wood it is.
And you can't find your way. And the dog keeps coming out and dragging the boner.
And then eventually, I need help. Okay, so the last time he goes out there, he slips and falls on the leaded batting donut, and it becomes a cock ring for the dog, and now the dog's got a boner for the rest of his life.
How quickly do you guys come up with the first movie? Yeah, yeah. In the first movie? Yeah, yeah.
Where do we go from there? Because I'm thinking franchise boys. I'm thinking like there's sequels to this thing.
Have you ever heard of a little thing called Bad News Bears? They went and played in Japan for Bad News Bears 2? What was the other movie? Was that with Tom Selke played in Japan? Was that Mr. Baseball? Yes, yes, yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so I think you're in on this.
Or we could just have a chimpanzee that plays third base, and then you could become best friends with him. It would be called Ed, the name of the chimpanzee.
Does this do anything for you? No. You haven't seen the movie Ed? Yeah, I think we had a good place to start.
I'd like to see you in a movie with a monkey. Maybe, yeah.
Less boners and stuff. We could cut down the numbers.
Semi. At what point do you look at your PR person and you're like, get me out of here? I'm about ready now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, hey, we got to wrap up.
We got to wrap up. All right, I actually do have one last question.
Go see Top Gun Maverick. That's not a question.
This summer, there's a statement leading to a question. Top Gun Maverick.
Miles Teller's not a dick. We spent 25 minutes with him.
I think he hates us, but he's not a dick. The 32 tattoo.
Yeah. Can you explain that? That's pretty fucking badass, dude.
Yeah, I mean, so there was... I'm just gonna come off wherever, but I'm glad it's on camera.
You're not a dick! So, yeah, we grew up in a small town. It was about like 10,000 people, me and all my buddies, and in Florida, they don't sell...
The biggest beers they sold were 32-ounce beers we started drinking uh pretty young age and so before like volleyball game football game whatever it was we were always drinking 32s uh at like 16 17 somebody's like oh you know 32 crews here and we're at that age we're like hell fucking yeah we're here like i'll walk around like macho man just like yeah fucking suck it whatever and um so whatever and then we got in like our you know you know college and then early 20s we were like man that was so lame like the 32 crew what was that we had like belt buckles and shit um and like my buddy got me that was like a goof from like spencer or something uh never wore it but kept it yeah and then uh and then as we got older there is yeah there's like uh yeah about you know eight eight us who are all still super close in our friend group. We went through.
We lost two buddies in car accidents like five weeks from each other. The one, my buddy Bo Guest, was just one of our closest friends.
That was rough. But yeah, man.
So whatever. We have 32.
Oh, wait. Everybody's got it.
That's actually cool cool it's from the numerals hold on that's a cool tattoo when i read that i thought you had like a a can and it said 32 on it oh it would have been a bottle yeah right a bottle that's a badass tattoo yes we all got and we got it in my hometown we're actually gonna at this bar high octane saloon shout them out but um we actually tried to get they have a tattoo parlor in the bar. So we actually going to at this bar, high-octane saloon, shout them out, but we actually tried to get, they have a tattoo parlor in the bar, so we actually asked if we could tat each other up.
He said, no, let me call Buddy up. Woke him up, and this is one of the better looking ones.
Some of them are like, the line is clearly crooked. I like that tattoo.
It's a bit chilly. No, it's I like it When I saw it It just looks like a Super Bowl tattoo Yeah Super Bowl 32 You should get it Who won Super Bowl 32 I'm looking up right now That was 52 Yeah The Patriots That's a guess Wait no It was That would have been what 24 years ago And the Broncos Broncos Yeah So people were like Yeah you're a big Broncos fan Yeah Yeah, no.
Super Bowl 52. Yeah.
You should get that, too, on the other bicep. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I have one last question. Why don't more movies end in the outtake reels? Yeah.
I don't know. You're saying for comedies, right? No.
Like dramas? Like Philadelphia have an outtake reel. She'll have an outtake afterwards.
Just like lighten the mood a little bit for the people on the way home. Yeah, I don't know, but I guess a lot of movies now do stuff after the credits, right?

Isn't that a whole thing?

Does such and such have a post-credits scene?

Right.

But I'm with you on the outtakes.

I mean, yeah, Jackie Chan, the best to ever do that.

Yes, absolutely.

People don't talk about that enough.

Absolutely.

Is he the goat?

The goat of the, what, the outtakes?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I'd agree.

Yeah.

Bill O'Reilly. No disagreement here.
Bill O'Reilly, Chris Berman. Uh O'Reilly, Chris Berman.
Yeah, that one's good. Do you listen? You don't listen.
We do that every Monday in the football season. It doesn't sound as cool that you just did it.
I guess that's be fair uh i have some that's good yeah i do it a lot yeah it's just air coming out now you gotta you gotta commit the uh no for whatever reason like my computer uh there's some weird shit on it but like for whatever reason not weird she like yeah back up for a second relax relax you make sound like Like kitty porn on that or something? No, no, no. Kitty corn.
Kitty corn. Cornography.
Not weird. Yeah, back up for a second.
Or it lags. It makes me sound like I got kitty porn on there.
No, no, no. Kitty corn.
Kitty corn. Cornography.
Cornography. But yeah, my computer literally will not let me go to Barstool Sports.
Really? Your wife blocked it? Firewalled it? That's fucked up. No, that's a true story.
Well, Miles, thank you, man. This has been awesome.
Appreciate it. Thanks, guys.
Go see Top Gun Maverick 2. You are not, decidedly not a dick, just a Philly guy.
That's right. That's it.
Just a Philly sports fan, man. Yeah, there it is.
Love it. Cool.
Thanks. That interview with Miles Teller, we're going to get right back to the show.
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All right, back to part of my take. The Barstool Golf Time app makes it easy for golfers to find the best tee times at the best prices.
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Trent is the guy who gives us the Bachelor notes, right?

Yep.

He was on The Bachelor.

Massive, massive day for Trent.

Yeah, so he basically, like, manifest destiny.

He tweeted many times he wanted to be the luggage guy.

And he finally made that happen last night.

Other notes, Madison, the Auburn basketball player girl, she's a virgin.

Nice. No judgment.
Good girl. Trent pulled Natasha's luggage when she got kicked off.
Oh, Tosh. Is that what they're calling it these days? Tosh.
Kelly was sent home. Okay.
See ya. Hannah Ann and Victoria F.
both cried and got roses. I don't like the name Hannah Ann.
Yeah, that's a lot. It sounds like you're a cut-rate cabbage patch doll.
pretty sure so there's i saw a twitter thread with some girl that apparently hannah ann and hannah b who was you remember as the bachelor last season actually went to high school together oh some collusion going on wow uh kelsey also do they share a fantasy like daily fantasy login too no uh kelsey also got a rose and she was Champagne Gate and Pill Popping Gate. So they will be going to her hometown, Iowa.
Pill Popping Gate. So the drama is paying off for Kelsey.
Nice. What's Pill Popping Gate? She was the one that said the girl was popping pills, and the girl was like, no, it's just Adderall and birth control.
Oh, that's right. Who could forget Pill Popping Gate? Who could forget Pill Popping Gate? Really, the moral of the story is that Trent is the star of The Bachelor this year.
Yes, absolutely. I mean, if you saw the luggage pull that he had.
Judd Apatow, that was so funny. He was all business.
Judd Apatow just randomly being like, I love this luggage guy. The expression straight out of a movie is one that was used, and then a guy who has literally made some of the best movies the last 20 years also saw it and thought, that guy is straight out of a movie.
I have to put this on Instagram. Trent's going to end up in the next Judd Apatow movie.
Yeah. Like a bellhop? Yeah, that'll be what you're made.
Judd Apatow is also not a poster. I was going on Instagram.
He's not really an active social media user, but in that moment, he was so struck by Trent's luggage carrying, he's like, I've got to get this on the ground. He knows talent when he sees it.
By that frame, that big, strong frame. All right, we have this league for...
Also, by state, I feel like people from Iowa are probably better than any other state at packing luggage, too. And being on The Bachelor.
I feel like there's always someone from Iowa on The Bachelor. We have Joel Embiid, this league, so or sorry a picture with him doing the shush and said the Dark Knight quote live long enough to be the hero or die the villain is that right? no you either die a hero or you live long enough to become a villain and Jimmy Butler responded I know a great place where villains like thrive or something I can't pull it up.
The internet sucks. He did say that and then Joel Embiid replied to him like, affirmative.
I forget what emoji he used, but it was like, yeah, let's do it. A little heat check.
Joel Embiid hates Ben Simmons. My Miami heat.
Let's go. Well, they can't get him this year.
Let's get Mark Wahlberg's daughter involved in the recruiting process. Get the whole squad on South Beach.
This year, but that is, Joe Embiid and Ben Simmons really do not like each other. I did realize that, you remember season one, year one of part of my, excuse me.
I have a new segment after this, by the way. Okay.
You remember year one of part of my take, I left my wallet at the Q Arena. Yes.

What a broad-headed move by you.

Correct.

And the Cavaliers ended up winning the championship.

I left half of my wallet down in Miami.

But not at the arena.

Not at the arena.

But I'm just saying, I don't know.

I don't want to prematurely connect any dots,

but it seems like a lot of stuff has been happening with me.

How do you lose half of your wallet?

There was a lot of stuff.

I was taking credit cards out of my wallet.

See you just left your debit card down in Florida. And a lot of other stuff.
A lot of other cards. And not in any arena.
Yeah. It was.
You just lost your debit card. I lost my debit card in Miami.
And I got drunk there. Nothing to do with the other stuff.
Yeah. I'm just saying.
I'm trying to put together what has happened since we've left Miami because I've become somehow kind of attached to this team mostly because of their jerseys. Yep.
But I'm going to say that it has something to do with the fact I left my wolf card down there. You're really going to be stuck in a pickle if the heat actually do go on a run.
And it's because Jimmy Butler is a top 10 player in the league. No, I think that he just needed the right environment.
Right. But then what are you going to say if he does that? I'm going to say this just goes to show that before, he was not a top 10 player, or else he would have willed his teams to the finals.
Got it. Got it.
Hank, you got a new segment? This is a really easy spin zone here. Yeah, I got a Michael Wilbon's name drop of the week.
Just came in from David Wallace. Oh.
He randomly, so he's been on the show a few times, and he randomly will just pop in with some text messages every now and then.

He sent me a picture of him, A-Rod, and Tiger at some celebrity golf event and just said, chatting about Barstow yesterday with A-Rod and Tiger Woods

at Riviera Tiger Challenge.

Super nice guy.

All of them, actually.

That's a pretty sick name drop. That's pretty, yeah.
If you can get A-Rod and Tiger involved, do you think they had any idea who he was? Yeah. I think he's a good golfer.
Yeah, he is. Remember, he got a scholarship at Stanford.
Yeah, they know who he is. Okay, so yeah, if you went to Stanford, then Tiger knows him for sure.
Yes, yes. He probably got invited.
I think that's an invite-only kind of event. Yeah, I would say so.
When he said... It's like a celebrity pro pro-am when he said he's a nice guy both of them actually nice guy all of them actually all of them actually who do you think he was talking about like at first saying like super nice guy a rod yeah and then he started the conversation with chatting about barceli yesterday with a rod yes yes all right shout out cfo michael david wallace you got Wallace.
Okay. Let's finish up the show with guys on chicks.
And also we have made a major booking. The internet's number one celebrity.
It is zillion beers guy. Also known as Dana B who also fun history lesson for everyone out there.
Dana B got into this world by being the part of my take intern uh and then quit because we were basically not paying him and he was like i can't keep doing this still my phone is dana pmt yeah you could have in another world you could be sitting where bubba is right now and we would have been like dude zillion beers are stupid you're fuck up don't do it correct and i owe my life to hank lockwood and i've said that since day one thank you henry what about us uh yeah yeah that too i mean i mostly just like did stuff for hank not really you well i mean he was my proxy yeah but it was mostly all hank data wouldn't you say that like if you were working for part of my take that we could have like blasted we could have blasted zillion beers so much that you would have already made a million dollars and he's chugging it Get it in the mic dude So Dana I have a question I have one question For the AWLs I do love the ASMR of Dana chugging a beer He has to do another one where we just all stay quiet And he does the whole thing. Are living under a rock and maybe haven't been on the internet in the past week.
What is Zillion Beers and how did this whole thing start? Alright, so there's a softball team in Hingham, Massachusetts. Shout out to the South Shore.
Again, shout out to the coaching tree, Henry Lockwood. I'm going to keep shouting them out.
Great. Okay? And their team name was Zillion Beers.
It's been around since 2016. And I thought that was funny.
Like, I just saw them, and I was like, hey, that's a funny name. And I just started saying it organically.
It's like one of your buddies says something. Wait, wait, wait.
Do you know what organic? Because what you just described was. That was the opposite of organic.
You saw it, and then you repeated it. Yeah, but I popularized it.
You popularized it. That's a good word.
You know what? You, yeah. You signal boosted it.
All right, so you have the Zillion Beers softball team. Can I have a beer? Then you see...
You want a beer? Yeah. Yeah.
Then you see the Friday Beers Twitter. No, we don't talk about that.
Oh, shit. My bad.
So, Dana, is this your job right now to just sit at work and crack beers? For the most part, yeah. This week I've had several weekday, like midday beers, and honestly, I love it.
Is there a European of you? This is your brand now. You can't go anywhere.
You're the Zillion Beers guy. Again, for the people at home that might not be understanding what's happening, you or our boss said if you sell 30K worth of merch, he'll give you like 5K, and you said no.
Wait, back up even more. Let's back up.
We're doing a terrible job. Dana B.
is a producer. He's a behind-the-scenes guy.
Every weekend, he was tweeting out videos where people would send in requests for songs, and then he would play the song and crush a beer. And he said, I'm the Zillion Beers guy.
And he would constantly try to be in front of the camera. And Dave said, guys who are behind the camera, should be behind the camera, and you said, well, Zillion Beers is pretty much like Microsoft, Apple.
It is. The Ford, like all these companies that people, you know, that revolutionize the world.
Like you think you're sitting at home right now saying, oh, this weekend I can't wait to have a beer. No.
How about a zillion beers? Wait, do the ASMR then.

Did you hear the crack?

Why are you taking the tab off? I don't usually do that, but I'm trying to get more ASMR going.

Go ahead. No one's saying that.

For the environment.

The fizz?

Yeah, go. That's him cracking the beer can on his head That's Dana's job So Dana has a moment where Dave says You gotta stop trying to be Zillion Beers guy And Dana says Listen Dave you're sitting on a fucking gold mine People out there have been drinking one or two beers for their entire life they haven't even thought about drinking a zillion of them so let me sell the merch let me push it and they made a deal that if Dana sells $30,000 of merch in basically like eight hours he gets to do zillion beers for life it then has taken off from there and you've made various negotiation deals that have been very ill-advised to the point where now you have to sell a million dollars worth of merch by next sunday you had 25k cash in your hand yeah you needed to sell 250 000 i'm not a pussy you would have got 25k cash and you did that you succeeded in that and you yourself unmitigated from anyone were like no no no even though already hit the 25K, I could get 25K on Monday.
You said, give me until next Sunday, and if I sell a million, then I get $100,000. Correct.
Which is where we're at now. Right now, it's, what, 5 o'clock on Tuesday? We're at $450,000.
The weekdays are vital, because the weekend, I know I'm going to crush it. We've got the date coming up on Friday.
Confirmed. I actually am just about to buy her flight.
Yeah? You want to shout out me? Yeah, shout out to Dan. You haven't heard this one yet? I realized that Friday is Valentine's Day, so I said the way to really take it over the top is you need to figure out a girl who will go on a date with you in your apartment and just crush a zillion beers.
Okay. As soon as I heard him say that, I had this girl on Twitter that was in my DMs once, and her pinned tweet, I started jumping in bushes and shit.
She's Bill's Mafia. So I'm like, this is Bill's Mafia girl.
She's like, you guys remember Vodka Sam from like college baseball a while ago? You've got the updated. She's a zillion beers.
I want her to slam me through a ping pong table. But it's just going to be the two of them having a date in their apartment, their rat nest.
That's going to be fine. That's going to be a good time.
Is it frowned upon if I throw her into a table? Yes. Don't do that.
Don't do that. Don't do that.
Don't do that. I'm happy we talked about that.
As your strategic advisor, I'm going to say no. What if she's like, I want to do that? No, no, no.
Well, maybe if she showed her picture ID in front of your black leather couch. With computers these days, you can edit videos.
It still blocks you. I don't know.
Yeah, just don't do that part. Okay.
All right, so now you're trying to get a million, and if you get a million, you get $100,000. You're going to give $15,000 to Pete Frady's ALS Foundation, which is a great cause.
Now, my question for you is, do you understand how taxes work? Certainly not. Okay.
Did you hear him when he said he's in my coaching tree yeah so you've been giving away money and i don't think you realize that you're only going to end up with like fifty thousand dollars that's fifty thousand dollars more than i have dana did say the other day that he's a millionaire now he's gotten zero dollars and he only can get a hundred thousand but no if you sell a million dollars worth of, I think that it entitles you to say that you're a millionaire, even though you don't make a million dollars. That is exactly what I'm expecting to do to everybody I see.
And by the way, Dan, you're right. If I walked into Southie right now, I think I'd be getting my ween sucked left and right.
Yeah, you would. Zillion beers guy.
Here comes Zillion beers guy. Like that's the guy.
Let's go to the bathroom let's go to the bathroom and get my ween sucked. Yeah, yeah.
You know? Yeah. After you have, but before that, you have to drink like 7,000 Zillion beers.
Yeah, it's going to be so tough. What about with the girls? No, good one, dude.
So, Dan, here's my question for you is once you make this money, because I'm sure that you're going to hit it. You're a marketing genius.
I am. You're doing great work here.
What are you going to do with the money that you make from it? Because people are going to be expecting that you're going to hit it you're marketing genius i am you're doing great work here uh what are you going to do with the money that you make from because people are going to be expecting yeah that you're going to have to reinvest that into just buying beers more zillions just beers i might just buy like i literally might just buy go to like a packy which is what us massachusetts guy call the fucking alcohol store the booze store okay we don't we don't say that buy um all of their kegs and just put them in my apartment. What you should do is you should walk into like a...
Yeah, no, he's right. No, he's right.
He should walk into an alcohol store. Why don't you just buy one at a time? No, you drink a keg over the course of three weeks.
It tastes great. Yeah, and then you just pop open the other keg that's been sitting in your apartment for the last...
Actually, Dana, you know what you do? Dead serious. Yeah.
You open your own store called Zillion Beers. That's genius.
It's just beer. And it's just beer.
So you only sell beer. What about merch? Yeah, you can have some merch behind the counter.
I don't think so. How about this? If you wear a Zillion Beers shirt into Zillion Beers, you get a beer for free.
I don't hate that. A cold one.
I don't hate that one bit. Can we call an audible here? Because we did have guys on chicks, but I wanted to, I forgot, this is actually your second time on the show, and I would like to actually do Dana's thoughts.
So you have your thoughts. You have your notebook.
I don't know. Where is it? It's long gone.
What do you mean? Also, I had a notebook that was just labeled Zillion Beers, and it was all my ideas for Zillion Beers, and I left it in the airport. Oh, no.
So give us those. Give us your thoughts.
I don't know. It's gone.
It's a physical notebook. But you can remember the things that you had.
It was mostly memes, which I've retired from. I've gone from memes to is there any beer count? No, but I actually drink beers.
I'm not a faceless coward like certain people that make memes. You know what? Fuck them.
I'm on PMT. Fuck those guys.
They stink. Listen, we're not here to start an internet war against other accounts.
You can do that by yourself. But I've graduated.
I've graduated to just yugging beers as the boys say. Very mature.
He's next level with us. So give us some thoughts.
You have Dana thoughts. Just give us a few that have been popping around in your head.
Ask me a question. I'll give you anything.
I don't know. I'll go through my notes.
Give us your notes. Give us your notes.
How's your winter going? Winter? Your wiener? Yeah, winter. Wiener or winter? He's getting his wien sucked left and right and south.
My wiener? I'm in the big cat camp. I'm a grower, not a shower.
You know what I'm saying? Yep. Small dick club for life.
Tiny meat gang, right? OG. SD for life.
Honestly, there's not much. It's just my list of zillion beers, and it says, Bill's Mafia.
That's got to be a t-shirt. All right.
Okay. I don't know what, but it's a t-shirt.
This is inside the mind of a marketing genius, folks. The gang drinks a zillion beers.
Okay. Okay.
Got it. So, again, it sounds like you're really into the signal-boosting business.

That's fucking gold.

That's a good one, right?

That's gold, dude.

That's a good one.

Okay.

I can't tell if you're fucking with me.

No, I'm serious.

That's gold.

So you see what he's wearing right here?

Obviously, they can't see, but it says zillion beers, checkmark.

Taking it easy, no checkmark.

Zillion beers, checkmark.

Mixing in a water, no checkmark. Oh, nice.
Zillion beers checkmark. Mixing in a water.
No checkmark.

Oh, nice.

What about a zillion beers anthem?

I know what you're trying to do here.

I feel like you need an anthem.

I know what you're trying to do.

No, I'm not.

I know what you're trying to do.

I'm not trying to push you in one direction or the other.

All right, what else?

The XFL team, the ones that were yugging those beers in the locker room.

They were actually Bud Light Seltzers.

Thank you, Bud Light Seltzers.

Yes, thank you, Bud Light Seltzers.

Great sponsor.

Nick Fitzgerald, their quarterback, said that if we get them merch this week. Mississippi State? Yep.
Fuck Brandon Walker. Big Cone Tip.
I don't know. I was trying to.
You're drunk. You're drunk.
No, I'm not. You're always drunk.
You want me to get another beer? I'll get another beer. No, you're drunk.
I'll prove to you I'm not drunk. I'll drink another beer.
They are going to wear the Zillion Beers St. Paddy's merch in the locker room if they win next week.

Okay.

Take a picture.

Okay.

That's not an idea.

It's just a fact.

All right.

Give us more.

A Zillion Beer.

What percent chance do you think you have to make a million?

A Zillion?

Yeah.

Actually, 90%.

Don't you think it's a little weird that you didn't make your goal a Zillion? Yeah, but a zillion is like, how do you calculate a zillion? I don't know. You're the zillion beers guy.
I mean, did I just ruin the whole thing? Oh, I got a good one. I got a good one.
I got a good one. Buzz Light Beer to a zillion and beyond.
That's gold. Okay, what else? The Toronto Tavern.
You know how they all scream? It's just me drinking a beer on there, and they go fucking nuts. I thought you were tired from the meme game.
No, no. Okay.
I'm back. No, that's a t-shirt.
That's a t-shirt piece. Yeah, it's a gift shirt.
Shout out Mark Cuban. Why don't you have...
It's like five shirts. You get them for your friends, so it's like you all have to stay next to each other.
Why don't you make Zillion Beards the official beer of the Toronto Tavern? If they're into that, can we, like, talk to them? If you get to 100K, you should open a place called the Toronto Tavern. Here's an idea.
What about a shirt that says, it's a tweet, it's your tweet, and it's you chugging a beer, and it says, thread one dash zillion. That's good who would buy that though i would yeah i know you would yeah so there you go you got one i am the zillion beers guy yeah it's okay what else you got uh and this is i listen kids are probably like paying i don't know three hundred thousand dollars to go to business school just listen to dana b i'm actually a marketing genius i know i'm not joking i know all right uh you know you guys watch always sunny yeah yeah the gang you already did that yeah i got another meme okay i'm back it's always zillion and beer did you think we didn't watch always sunny when we laughed about the first one there was my brain's going left right up down all over the place okay all right rickety cricket you know him you know how he gets progressively like shittier the first when he's a when he's like the guy and he's good what's the word when you're uh religious you're a priest priest when you're a priest that's a thousand beers and he keeps going million billion and then final stage is zillion so it's a galaxy well how about this one how about uh drake going like this to one beer and then going like that i've seen oh what about doing the remember the the 10-year challenge what about the zillion beer challenge where it's a picture of everyone when they're sober and then after they've had a zillion i like that a lot i mean this is we're cooking now we do can i do the 6 12 18 just have to be beers? Yeah.
So you can drink six beers. You can drink 12 beers, 18 beers, and 24 beers.
That's like 60 beers. That's a lot of beers.
Should I just do that? Yeah, just do that. Just drink 60 beers.
All right. Should I just drink 60 beers and call it the 612-1824? What if we got you on myfreecams.com or made you a cam girl? OnlyFans? Yeah, OnlyFans.
No joke, I've gotten like 30 people being like, you should go on OnlyFans and chug beers. You should.
That's your thing. It's like, just tip me in the comment section.
I don't want to be like a subscription service. I want my beers to be for everyone.
Right, that's true. As long as you put your beers behind a paywall.
I do want to talk to you a little bit about the Zillion Beers anthem because I want to give it to you for free. Okay.
Is that true? Yeah, it's absolutely true. All right.
It's high hopes for a living. All right.
Why drink one beer when you could drink a Zillion? Dane is selling merch. Yeah, he's going to make a killing.
Ooh, nice. I could go on, but we'll save it for the studio.
Yeah, I'm down. All right, give us two more Zillion Beer merch ideas and we'll wrap up the show.
right this isn't really funny but baseball jerseys and they're like on the back it says the number is a zillion and i haven't figured out what the name is but maybe it just says beers yeah beers that's good i was gonna say you know i was gonna say um what about we want me to get another one yeah if you reverse it and the name here no i don't hey can you go get him another beer so we can finish the show with a beer? He's starting to power down. He's got a mini fridge that I bought you.
That's true. It's like gasoline.
You need it in your body, too. When was the last time you were sober? I've been sober this morning.
And? Yesterday morning. Okay, so morning's a big sober time.
Didn't you drink a beer at the crack of... I'm not a pussy.
I didn't get shit-faced off one beer. Right.
Okay. I'm also not a hard-o.
Right. Okay.
Uh-oh. Okay, so...
All right, so last one, and then you'll take us out with Chuck. All right.
Honestly, I don't know. You don't have any...
The Buzz Light beer one was like, I should have ended with that that's the retirement idea Buzz Light Beer what about John Beer and his attractor mowing a lawn a bazillion beers how do you guys come up with this shit that would be pretty pretty good. That's sick.
That's good, right?

What's the lawnmower, though?

Have I ever told you the time I came from a lawnmower?

Okay, go ahead.

You haven't heard this one?

Do you guys know this?

Back in the back?

All right.

So my first time coming, were we allowed to say that?

Yeah.

You said so much shit.

I was mowing a lawn, and I was in fifth grade, and the vibrations were going all through my body, and I just came in my pants. I was like, what's going on? We'll put that in the book.
When you write your book about how you became a zillionaire off a million beers. You lost your virginity to a lawnmower.
That's awesome. That's pretty sweet.
I can't believe you guys haven't heard that. No.
That's fine. I mean, no.
That I mean, no. Word hasn't got around.
John Beer, just a green t-shirt with the deer logo on it, except maybe the deer's even chugging a beer. Yeah.
You can go multiple ways. Put that in your notebook.
John Beer. Oh, how about old school, remember the No Fear shirts? No Beer, and then on the back it says not.
We got a zillion. Oh, yeah.
Now we're talking. Good old not joke there.
So now I wrote down John beer, deer drinking a beer. Yeah, well, you could do two.
And then also the John deer mowing crops of a zillion beers. Yeah, one that says I came using a lawn Also, just, I think that one would sell.
You guys are telling me you've never, come on. No.
I've never fucked a lawnmower. No, you didn't fuck it, but it goes through your body.
It's sharp, dude. It's very sharp.
I'll do one more. All right.
Here we go. We'll end the show with your one more.
X-Files, but the Z-Files. Oh, I actually had a great idea that I forgot to tell you guys.

Okay.

A zillion, except it starts with an X. Oh, nice.
I don't know who that goes out to, but. A zillion.
Yeah, it's a new number. Okay.
I'm drinking a zillion beers tonight. Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. Okay.
That's it. All right.
That one maybe we'll cut, but yeah. We can cut that.
This is Dana B.

And we are ASMR. That one maybe we'll cut, but yeah.
Yeah, we can cut that.

This is Dana B.

And we are ASMR drinking a zillion beers.

Love you guys. I'll be coming for you.
I'll be coming for you. Take on me.
Take on me.

Take on me.

Take on me. It's Pardon My Take, presented by Farstool Sports.