NFL Preview, Game Breakdown With Warren Sharp + Paul Rabil And Our Lacrosse Team Ownership

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we have Divisional Round Preview with Warren Sharp. Football Smart, we talk about each game, strengths and weaknesses.
We also give you our picks. We have a very good interview with Paul Rabel who came in.
We talked about being owners of a lacrosse team, what we can and can't do, a little brainstorm sesh. I'm just going to say this right now.
If this podcast doesn't exist in six months, it's because PFT and I have figured out a way to milk the PLL for all it's worth. And now we're just fat cats owning lacrosse teams.
We have Fyre Fest. We have FAQs, a little PR 101, a packed Friday show for you.
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All right, back to part of my take.

Okay, let's go. Boys! Boys! Now in the street there is violence And a lot of stuff, work to be done No place to hang out on Washington And I can't blame all on the sun Go Welcome to Pardon My Take, presented by the Catch App.
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Today is Friday, January 10th, and we're going to get to the divisional round. We have a lot of divisional round, but we have to talk first.
Mike Leach in the SEC. A match made in heaven.
Maybe not from a football standpoint, from an entertainment standpoint. Lane Kiffin versus Mike Leach in the Egg Bowl.
I hope it happens for 50 years. He's going to throw the ball so much and it's going to confuse the shit out of Mississippians.
They're going is this? This is not football. But they're going to win some games.
They're going to be fun to watch. From our standpoint, it is an amazing hire.
It gives us a lot to talk about. If you look at the SEC, and I was looking at all the coaches they have this year, like the new guys who they have in place already, it is insane.
They all are just great characters. It's like housewives yeah of the american southeast yes nick saban coach oh dan mullen and his wife kissing everyone he's probably the most normal person the guy that just lets his wife play tonsil hockey with the secondary yeah kirby smart and whenever he takes off his visor looking like a weird uh like casket salesman and and now you have Mike Leach.
A caddy who's in dentistry school. Yeah, that works too.
And then Lane Kiffin and all these guys. It's going to be SEC Media Day is going to be fantastic.
Mike Leach being in that conference. Again, I don't know if it will work.
Although, no, you know what? Well, define work. No, it's going to work because what Mike Leach does better than any coach is he goes to programs that are not traditional powerhouses, programs that are off the beaten path, you know, Lubbock, Texas, Pullman, Washington, Starkville, Mississippi, and he wins with not the best recruiting classes.
He actually will have probably his best recruit. He'll have his best quality of players at Mississippi State than he's had anywhere else.
That's true. He just has to play against other good quality players.
Correct. That part is if he could figure out a way to play with Mississippi State in like the American.
Or the Pac-12. Yeah, that would be great.
That would be perfect. So apparently Gardner Minshew pulled a few strings because Mississippi State is pretty close to where Gardner grew up, right? And Gardner, you'll recall, is on his cross-country RV tour in his jorts right now.
Not mad that you stole Grit Week. Taking all of I-10 across the country, which is, I think we had that idea a while ago to do Grit Week I-10.
It's awesome. It's exactly what I would love to do if I was 23 years old, an NFL quarterback.
He probably doesn't have millions, but a million? Yeah, and I guess Gardner had some words with the chancellor or the athletic director whoever at Mississippi I assume it's the same person like the athletic director is the most powerful person in the state of Mississippi it's the guy who has the most eggs in Starkville exactly so he had some words with him they flew the private jet down to Miami drove to Key West that's I think they just wanted to go to Key West yes and they happened to talk to Mike Leach yeah. He's got his own bar stool at that one, that Daiquiri place in Key West.
So this is adding up to be an awesome, awesome SEC season next year. I'm excited about next year.
This year's not even done. Yeah.
And we, speaking of this year, we're going to New Orleans on Sunday morning. We will be in New Orleans.
We are going to, we probably won't be out much Sunday night because we've got to do the show. We've got to deliver the show to the people.
We have some big guests lined up. And we'll be out.
But I'm saying, like, don't tweet us at, like, 5 o'clock being like, where are the guys at? Right. We'll be recording the show afterwards.
And after 10, we will be out. You know what I want to do? I've always wanted to do this in New Orleans.
Go to one of those bars where the ladies come around with the shots that they inject into your mouth and then they slap you afterwards oh I want to get slapped after having you want to put you want to be dumbed I want to be dumbed okay on bourbon or we can make that happen yeah uh so we'll be at the game on Monday night we're going to be out and about if you see us say hello maybe we'll uh tweet out where we're at one point see if people can meet up us. But we're excited for that.
What we also are excited for is the divisional round. So football's back.
So embrace debate. Is this the best football weekend of the year? Or do you like wild card? I like the divisional round better.
Do I have to decide between those two? Because I love Championship Sunday. That's also a good one.
I feel like the national championship being Monday should factor into it too true you get the come down but it usually is after wild card weekend so tough but i'll go this year you like you like the divisional round better because you get three days of football yes i like divisional round better this year uh let's do some picks we're gonna get right back to the show it's 2025 and it's time you embrace the future of toilet cleaning with the Clorox Toilet Wand. The Clorox Toilet Wand is an all-in-one toilet cleaning system that comes complete with a sleek bathroom caddy and disposable scrubbing pads preloaded with cleaning solution.
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Okay, we're going to do a full preview with Warren Sharp where he actually digs into the analytics and how these games are going to go, but here's my can't lose parlay and here's the reasoning. Since 2011 PFT, In the round the home team is 25 and 7 straight up okay but they are 15 and 17 against the spread not great seven points how many of those losses came against joe flacco that's a good question i do not know three or four seven uh if if the team is uh favored by seven points or more which is the 49ers which the Chiefs, and the Ravens, they're only seven and 11 against the spread.
So, laying all those points, not a great strategy. That's where my can't-lose parlay comes in.
The 49ers, the Ravens, the Chiefs. Parlay them all, plus 105 on Ben MGM, even money everywhere else.
How does that lose? i don't see a way that it does how does that i even yeah it doesn't i even i had the confidence i took the niners when it was at six and a half i'm i'm actually starting to rethink it the only way it could possibly lose it's not a prime time game for kurt cousins according to his minnesota clock it's semi prime time yes semi semi time right but uh it's going to be at 4 30 eastern time right so i don't know i don't know i've talked a lot of shit about kirk cousins he didn't play a prime time game last week anyone here's my thing though every year it feels like this happens a divisional round especially, especially last year. I think they went 4-0.

The teams with the bye, we forget why they have a bye because they're really fucking good.

Yep.

And so you see the Vikings beat the Saints and you say,

oh my God, are the Vikings figuring it out?

Well, guess what?

The 49ers kicked the shit out of everyone all year.

They're really damn good.

The only thing that I'm worried about is Jimmy G's first playoff start.

We saw it last week.

First playoff starts went 1-2. So that's a bit of concern but if you take the money line no sweat.
The Vikings aren't winning this game. The 49ers also are six and one against the spread at home.
Love that. So I like that a lot.
Love that. All right.
So the Titans Ravens game. I've convinced myself that this will be a close game in the first half,

but no more than that.

Titans run away.

Titans run away.

Interesting.

So I've got the – I think I'm going to take the Titans to cover.

I don't know if I'm going to take them straight up just yet.

I do know it's going to be the fastest game in NFL history.

It's going to be just run the ball, run the ball, run the ball for both teams.

I tried to do the math, and I suck at math.

I'm good at sabermetrics. I suck at math.
I was trying to figure out what is the longest drive possible for an NFL team to have. If you gave Derrick Henry the ball, and you're trying to eat up because they'll say, like, this is the smartest, dumb-sounding thing that you can say.
To beat Lamar Jackson, you just have to not let Lamar Jackson have the ball. So if you run the ball with Derrick Henry every down, how long could the longest possible drive be? I know the answer to this because it happened to me when I bet on Appalachian State earlier this year and they had a 13-play drive that went for like 13 and a half minutes.
That's not actually what it is. It could be longer.
So I think I crunched the math on a touchback. So if it starts at like the 25-yard line, right? 16 minutes and a half.
16 minutes, 30 seconds, I think is the longest drive possible if he gains 3.3 yards of carry. And this is not including going forward on any fourth downs.
Right. I'm talking about just like keeping the chains moving on three plays each.
Okay. So you think that could happen in this game? No, but I'm saying like you have to have a drive.
If the Titans have a single drive that's over 11 minutes long, then they will win this game. Yeah, so I'm convinced.
I'm really going out on a limb on that one. I'm telling myself that this might.
Okay, so actually I'm looking it up right now. You ready for this Appalachian State drive? This is somewhere in the middle of October.
My brain immediately went to it. They had a 19-play drive, 97 yards, 10 minutes and 11 seconds yeah that's insane that's insane so this game if the Titans do win which I do not think they will are we saying team of destiny I think they've absorbed the Patriots power so if they can absorb the Ravens powers team of Destiny.
Hardest path to the Super Bowl ever.

Yeah, and they've already beaten the Chiefs

so they could do that.

I honestly could see the Titans winning this game.

It's not impossible.

Mark Ingram, he's not going to be

100%. True.
Big trust.

Lamar Jackson, people forget his

playoff performance last year. What is big trust

by the way? I've been too scared to ask.

Trust? No, big trust. Yeah, I know but

I think it means like a trust. Is it trust?

I don't know. Anyone know? Lamar Jackson, I don't

Thank you. playoff performance last year what is big trust by the way i've been too scared to ask trust no big trust yeah i know but what is it is like is it trust trust i don't know anyone know lamar jackson i don't think it's something from his hometown it's one of those things that just sounds cool so i'm gonna say it what is without knowing at all what it means what is big trust i'm gonna google it right now what does this big trust mean oh it's oh maybe no one really knows because it says Ravens fans have their theory.
Interesting. So we might not.
How the catchphrase for the Ravens took off. Let's see.
This is electric. Both are from South Florida.
Their connection in the field obviously translates to them speaking the same language, talking about Lamar Jackson and Hollywood Brown. Okay, so it started in Lamar Jackson's hometown.
Big trust. They don't know.
It's just a South Florida thing that Lamar Jackson, Hollywood Brown site. And then the team has adopted.
Yeah. This, it says big trust.
It's like a family. Y'all trust each other.
You're fighting for each other. It's big trust.
He said, it's just a little something we have going. I can't expand on it, but we know it's love.
Wait, big love. Something along those lines said Ingram with a chuckle.
So we got big trust. So big trust.
We're big trust. PMT is big trust.
We are big trust. All the AWL is big trust.
What if trust just meant dick? Can we just start saying that, though? Can we just steal that? Be like, hey, if you see an AWL out on the street, just say big trust. We're all swagger.
We're fighting for each other. Tighten up.
Let's do that. Tighten up? Yeah.
Did you just go horns up? Tighten up? Are you going to take the money line? Yeah, probably. You are one crazy motherfucker.
Bust down. Big trust.
Tighten on it. Oh, bust down.
Wait. Bust.
No. Bust down Tatiana is a song.
Bust it down. But bust up.
Bust down. Bust him with the boys.
Ray Blana. All right.
Texans, Kansas City. Casey's minus 10 over, under's 51.
By the way, I'm so in my own head about all the unders hitting last week. Like, I almost want to just take all the unders again.
I got Kansas City. That's crazy.
I got Kansas City. I think they're going to blow them out.
Yeah. I think Houston, they reveal themselves to be frauds.
Well, that game against Buffalo, I mean, Deshaun Watson was electric, but Buffalo had that game. Buffalo lost that game more than the other way around.
So, yeah, I'd agree with you here. I think the Chiefs are going to win this game.
Kansas City's pass rush isn't good enough to have two players hit Deshaun Watson at the same time and keep him upright. Yeah.
So they'll have maximum one player hitting him really hard and knocking him over. Yes.
All right. And then last game of the weekend.
And again, we're going to do all this with Warren Sharp. I've dubbed it the Fraud Bowl.
Seahawks Packers. Packers minus five.
Overrunners 47. Both these teams.
I don't know how they're where they're at. And at and win ugly win ugly the seahawks had to go all the way from philly to seattle to green bay that's a lot they didn't stay out on the east

coast they did not they should have that's a lot of travel they should have gone to buffalo

got used to the cold it's going to be very cold in green bay yep i am fully prepared for this game

to be a game where the seahawks have the game they're able to win it and like russell wilson

who are... I am fully prepared for this game to be a game where the Seahawks have the game.
They're able to win it. And like Russell Wilson, who I trust more than any quarterback in the league in the fourth quarter, betrays my trust and throws like a backbreaking interception when he hasn't thrown any of those.
And the Packers win. To me, this feels like one of those games that the Seahawks have won every single year in the playoffs, it feels like, where they have a tight end, an unheralded tight end that somehow catches two touchdown passes and like 75 yards.
I love it. In the past, it's been Will Disley has been that guy.
It's been our guy Wilson. He's done it.
This could be like a Hollister game where he has like two touchdowns, shitload of yards, eats up the clock.

They just, they don't guard him.

The only thing I'm worried about is I don't think Russell Wilson can play in the cold.

Really?

I don't think he's a cold guy.

Played at Wisconsin.

At Wisconsin.

But he's an NC State guy.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

No, his record, if you look at his record and his stats in the cold,

he's not good.

What's his record in his stats in the cold?

He gets spooked.

I was looking at him earlier. I don't have him in front of me, me but he's actually he's not very good in cold weather games okay he likes the rain yes he loves the rain uh but yeah this is going to be it's gonna be chilly rogers is old rogers is old he's broke so he actually has more incentive to keep winning yeah get those lights on yeah if he doesn't win then he's probably going to have to sell his gas range or something.
I'm ready for the Packers to win this in an improbable, stupid way that just continues my anger. And then they're going to be one win away from the Super Bowl.
If the Packers make the Super Bowl, you might see me at South Beach. We'll be standing there, maybe sitting out on a bar patio or something.
I'll just stand up and start walking. He'll be like, where are you going? And I just keep walking in the Atlantic Ocean, just keep walking until I die.
Packers fans at the Super Bowl in Miami would be so fun, though. They'd be, like, out in their camo shorts.
I hope you all get sunburns. Their real tree swimsuits.
Just, like, getting drunk the entire week. They would have a good time.
Yeah, a lot of cankles. That's what I love so much about the crowd shots at packers home games this time of year it's they're not wearing green and yellow they're not wearing team colors it's all just camo yeah or the orange all car heart or camo yes yeah it looks like they they do their pregame shopping at like a bass pro shops or cabela okay so my i'm picking uh my money line parlay i'm literally just that's my favorite bet My can't lose parlay.
And then I kind of like the Seahawks and the under. Okay.
That's it. I took the over in that game.
I took, let's see, I took the Chiefs. I took the Niners.
And again, I'm worried because it's not Kirk Cousins. And Hank was giving me shit earlier this week because I did Dunchain them coming off a win.

Off a win.

In week two or whatever it is.

And Hank was just tossing out suggestions for a punishment.

This is no Texans pinky situation that we're getting into here.

It should be.

No, it shouldn't.

It's the same context.

No.

It's different.

It's different.

It was very cavalier.

They got Dunchain to Texans.

Yeah, but it was cavalier how he did it.

What I will say.

Words should matter. We're tossing.
They should matter, Hank. We were tossing out ideas for punishment.
And what was the one you came up with? Like, where bike shorts. How about you can never grill a steak directly on the grill again in your life? Can't do it.
I will not agree to that one. I was thinking maybe like.
You have to dip a whole tin of skull. Oh, that's skull.
No, that's not punishment. Hank, that's not bad.
What the fuck? He's going to be like, this is awesome. Yeah, you have to do it around the world, though.
Yeah, you better bring a two-liter Mountain Dew in here for me to spit all that stuff. How about you have to go, because Kirk Cousins is a God-fearing man, how about you have to go to church every single Sunday for a year? That's what I suggested to Hank as my punishment.
You should have to do that. I didn't bring that up because I didn't want to do it.
Yes, that's what you should have to do. I should start going back to church? Every single Sunday for an entire year.
If they win the Super Bowl. If they win the Super Bowl.
Would you rather that? Every time you go to church, you have to have a whole tin of skull in your mouth. Or I'm not allowed to wear shorts this summer.
I like that one. That was the other one that we had suggested.
I said PFT should have to wear, whenever you wear shorts, it has to be biker shorts. Like the spandex.
Yeah, I like that better. Better than going to church? No, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I like that. I'd rather go to church.
I'll be honest, because that way- Yeah, no, it's the biker shorts. There's like a 10% chance that I go to heaven when I die.
See, the problem with you not having to wear shorts in summer, that's a punishment for us. You'll be miserable.
You're a shorts guy. True.
Like you, you don't get so unhappy. Yeah.
And you wouldn't get to see these sweet legs. Yeah.
You're shorts guys. I don't want to do that.
That's a bad bet for everyone else. All right.
So biker shorts church biker shorts all summer. We'll do a, we'll do a, we'll do a call in the comments.
We'll do a call in the comments church. Every rest of the year are biker shorts.
Sound off in the iTunes review page. Yes.
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Okay, so now we have Warren Sharp, who gets into the actual smart analysis of these games. And then after Warren Sharp, we have Paul Rabel, which was very, very funny because we basically just worked out.
It's not really an interview. It's not an interview at all.
It's essentially us just trying to figure out illegal ways to make a lot of money off of our PLL ownership. And they are very illegal, some of them.
We don't want to use the I word. Immoral.
It's unclear. Legally nebulous.
Gray area. Yes.
It's a fledgling league. So who knows? There no precedent set that's what it is that's right so we are establishing legal precedent with our ownership correct we're like one of the original nfl owners right squatters rights yep uh nashville get ready for one of the biggest parties of the summer in music city barstool nashville is hosting the summer fest block party on friday may 16th and saturday may 17th outside of barstool nashville 2nd Ave South.
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Okay, here he is, Warren Sharp. Okay, we now welcome on recurring guest, friend of the program, Warren Sharp.
You can find him online. You can find him on Twitter, Warren Sharp, Sharp Football.
So we got the division round. Wild card round was crazy.
Any shockers from the wild card round before we go to this Saturday and Sunday's games? I was shocked by some of the decision-making and the play calling from Sean Payton in that game for the Saints. I mean, I know you guys talk about it, but the lack of timeout integrity, I think we we could call it for the end of the first half end of the full game preventing him from being able to win that game late forcing needing to force just overtime instead of winning the game outright um but then just from a like a play pure play calling perspective because coaches in the postseason need to be able to make a make a check soon as possible.
We know that Mike Zimmer threw an immediate change of plans when he started rushing from the interior. And that is the one spot that Drew Brees struggles to handle.
And immediately he started rotating his defensive ends in and doing stunts and coming from the inside. And that was giving him major problems.
But yet, for the entirety of the first half, they only threw one pass from non-11 personnel. And if you're watching that game, you're looking at Drew Brees.
He's sitting back there. There's no tight ends helping pass protect.
There's no running backs coming up to help pass protect. It's just they're running their guys.
They're three wide receivers and a tight end, and Kamara typically out on routes, and Drew Brees has to hold up behind the five offensive linemen,

and they were just getting beaten over and over again.

Finally, in the second half, he made an adjustment,

and their pass game got much more efficient,

but they wasted the whole first half throwing,

and I think they had like a 30% success rate.

Yeah, that was shocking.

That was your biggest surprise of the weekend

was the Vikings being able to take out the Saints? I think it was one of them, yeah, that was shocking. That was your biggest surprise of the weekend was the Vikings being able to

take out the Saints? I think

it was one of them, yeah, probably for me.

Did you see the Patriots game coming?

What I didn't realize

is that the Patriots would look as good as they

did, at least fine, in the first

half and then go nowhere in the second half.

I thought that game was going to be more

competitive throughout. I thought the Patriots offense was going to look a little bit better in that second half um so yeah that would that would definitely be another big surprise for me where do you stand on the rest versus rust debate so you've got the Ravens that you know they had yeah so so the Ravens and the Titans you've got one team that just played a very physical game in New England.
Tractor Seto Derek Henry is untackleable, basically. He had, what, 70% of the offense for the Titans.
And then you've got the Ravens that kind of, you know, they essentially had this thing locked up several weeks ago, about a month ago. So they've kind of been able to take their foot off the gas.
They had an entire week off. Where do you stand? Is it incredibly beneficial to have that extra week or is it good to stay in a rhythm I can go either way on it um for for this perspective but the one thing about the Ravens that I think is really intriguing is remember how good they were on their opening drives in their second drive in their third drive like this was a team that very consistently week in and week out get the ball march down the field touchdown up seven nothing get the ball again march down the field touchdown get the ball up you stopped us fourth forced a fourth and two at our own 32 well we're going to go for it anyways and we're going to try to score another touchdown like team no punt in the first half we're going to try to be aggressive and build that halftime lead what does happen when when you get a little bit out of that rhythm? Because I think it's more important for a team like that to stay a little bit more in rhythm.
The interesting thing for them, though, where the rest would benefit is player health and getting guys back. But Mark Ingram, unless he practiced today, I still have not seen him practice at all ever since he injured his leg.
And that would be like running backs are fairly replaceable. I think that you would be able to replace him.
He's not like a colossal loss to this offense. They've got so many moving parts and they got other guys that can come right in there.
But from like just aggressiveness, like he's got the swagger about him that you'd rather have out there and rather have participating. But you know you may not have him even though you had the rest so how do you see that game going because the the rest for the ravens in my mind like the the titans formula it seems has always been get a lead and keep running the ball and play from ahead where they you know they've been in games where they've been behind and it's hard for them to come back do you think think that they'll have a chance to jump on the Ravens, maybe coming out a little bit slow in the first half after not playing their starters for three weeks now? It is possible.
I think the cool thing about this game is you have two teams that have really embraced some non-traditional ways to increase efficiency, and that's with motions. So pre-snap motion is motion before the ball's ball snap you're sending a guy in motion at the line or he's just moving around so you the quarterback can kind of get a feel for what that defense might be doing what coverage they're in and what style they're playing then you've got the post-snap motion which occurs after the snap and that's through the form of play action both of these teams are top five in both pre-snap and uh play action usage so they they both are very uh dependent upon having a lot of moving parts and trying to get a take for what that defense might be doing um it'll be very important for the titans to keep that game close they cannot afford with the style of right? Falling behind.
I don't think that the Baltimore with their secondary as good as they are, they've got the horses in the secondary where they want to get the lead and they want you to play from behind because you'll be thrown into the teeth of their defense, which is the secondary. They're worse stopping the run.
And if Derek Henry is in a game situation where they're not down by more than 10 points, they're going to still be able to run Derrick Henry and beat on that defense a little bit. But I think it'll be very fascinating if Baltimore has success offensively because Tennessee's defense is worse than we think.
I think their secondary is worse than what we think. And I think that they can be beaten up.
Forget about Mike Vrabel's edge over Tom Brady and Bill Belichick last week. Former coordinators have had done very well against Bill Belichick's offense.
But forget that because that doesn't help him this week. He's on a Saturday game.
They played last Saturday. He doesn't have extra rest or any edge to prepare for Baltimore.
They already lost 21-0 to this Baltimore team just last season. That was with Joe Flacco and no run game.
Tennessee went like 1 of 10 on third downs in that game. It was also Mariota.
It was Marcus Mariota, and Joe Flacco was the quarterback. And Baltimore went like, I want to say like 12 of 15 on third downs.
They were very inefficient offensively, but they just kept converting these third downs. I'm worried about Baltimore taking overtime of possession, and then Tennessee gets the ball back, and they're down on the scoreboard, and they're like, can we afford to run Derrick Henry and get a yard or two here? Right, right.
Do you think this could be the fastest NFL playoff game ever played? Yeah. You're right.
Clock ticking with a lot of the runs. And the interesting thing, you guys need to talk to a meteorologist or something because checking the local forecast here is very important with all these outdoor games.
Usually there's a dome team playing now, but we're mid-January and we've got all four home games are with outdoor teams, most of them in the Midwest area. And this game in Baltimore, the wind speed is supposed to be about 10 to 12 miles per hour during the game.
Nothing to worry about. However, somehow the gusts are 30 to 34 miles per hour.
Now, it's rare that you see sustained winds 10 to 12 and gusts up in the 30s. My question that I truthfully am going to plead ignorance because I don't know is when they're measuring the gusts, how often does that gust have to happen?

Because, you know, you can walk out here.

You could get a strong gust that could happen several times in a minute or it could happen once in a while.

Yeah.

What's the formula that goes in?

Is it exactly that's three times in 10 seconds?

Is that a sustained wind?

That's what we need to figure out because I don't know.

Someone will tell us.

Don't lie to us.

Yeah.

No, if you're lying. OK, so the other game on Saturday, the Vikings and the 49ers.
This can't. Come on.
The Vikings, come on. Kirk Cousins, come on.
Still hasn't won in primetime, though. What does your Excel sheet say for the come on? I'm sure you got all your numbers, and then there's one table at the end that just says, come on, seriously? And it's like, Kirk Cousins, no.
Well, I think in this game, the interesting part, we have a similar situation in the last game we just discussed, where you had a defense that really did well against their opponent last week. In the other case, it was Mike Vrabel's defense.
In this case, it's Mike Zimmer's defense. And Mike Zimmer just has a thing for being able to play well against Drew Brees and Sean Payton.
And we talked about Sean Payton did some things that weren't really optimal and that helped Mike Vrabel. But here now Mike has got to go up against Kyle Shanahan and this offense that has way more weaponry to attack down the field.
And it looks like Minnesota is still going to be without two guys in the secondary,

two key guys in the secondary.

You're going to have opportunities to throw the ball down the field.

But I'm going to go to the run game first and foremost

because here's a really interesting stat where we talked earlier this season

about personnel groupings.

So Minnesota Vikings defense against 21 personnel runs.

That's two running backs, one tight end.

And so that's basically our boy Kyle Juszczyk.

Thank you. So Minnesota Vikings defense against 21 personnel runs.
That's two running backs, one tight end. And so that's basically our boy Kyle Juszczyk, right? Tremendous guy.
So Minnesota is actually the worst defense in the NFL against 21 personnel runs. That's a nice nugget, Warren.
They allow 6.7 yards per carry and a 74% success rate. The league average is 4.4 yards per carry and a 48% success rate.
So much worse than league average. And looking at it on a per game basis, it's not as if they played like two teams that really use this a lot and those teams beat up on them, but most other teams didn't.
Like every single team, on average, they only run about 11% from 21. Some teams don't use it all, but most teams teams are very close to that and there's like three runs here five runs there six runs there four runs and all of these runs are being consistently effective against zimmer's defense and guess who runs the most in the entire nfl 21 kyle shanahan in the 49ers they they run it at a 31 clip i just said league average is 11%.
So that's going to be a fascinating matchup. And then the other thing that I think, if we're talking about come on Kirk, not talking about him directly, but just his team, areas where Sean Payton didn't utilize enough, New Orleans was very good passing the football on first down and from heavier sets.
In that game, on first down passes, 11.1 yards per attempt against the Vikings and a 78% success rate. On second down, it got much worse.
And then on third down, they only averaged 2.1 yards per attempt and a 25% success rate. So we need Kyle Shanahan to stay aggressive early and throw the ball a little bit, be very balanced.'s like that that's the way he is the one thing that I thought the Saints kind of made a mistake is they it felt like they blitzed too much Kirk Cousins and he actually did well against it where the 49ers don't have to right exactly great point the 49ers are one of the best teams at getting pressure without blitzing in the entire NFL right and I I saw someone I can can't remember, someone, a tweet or something, if you went back to the Green Bay game where Green Bay and Minnesota played Monday Night Football last Monday Night Football game of the year, the Packers blitzed once.
Yes. And they made Kirk Cousins look stupid.
Right. And then you look on last week, Kirk Cousins looks great, the Saints blitzed too much, whereas now the Rams can go back to what the Packers did and just not blitz right and I feel like in this game the key element here is that I don't think that San Francisco has to change that much of their general philosophy of what they do to have success using the heavier and diverse personnel grouping packages throwing the ball a little bit onto the into that secondary with some of these mismatches that they're going to scheme up like for example I did not think that Sean Payton schemed enough Xavier Rhodes he got burned on that one deep pass where the guy caught it and got tackled like the five yard line but you weren't seeing him intentionally scheme up that Anthony Barr wasn't schemed up at all I mean Sean McVay came out and destroyed Anthony Barr on prime time in the 2018 season, just kept abusing him.

That's exactly the type of thing that Kyle Shanahan probably could come out and be like,

we're going to destroy Xavier Rhodes and Barr, Anthony Barr, and we're just going to

roll.

Okay.

I like that.

Yeah.

So what about like with Kirk Cousins in the offense?

Because it seems like the Vikings have kind of found, they hit a stride earlier in the

season when he remembered that he had a tight end, when he remembered he was allowed to throw touchdown passes to Kyle Rudolph. What happened at the – is that something from a scheme standpoint where they said, okay, we're going to start sending Rudolph out on routes more often? Or was it just Kirk Cousins being like, oh, yeah, I can throw it to him? I think it was out of necessity because Adam Thielen was just dealing with so many injuries down the stretch.
Like, he did not play very much at all.

I'm very concerned because he tweaked his ankle in practice yesterday,

and then he just participated as a limited.

I read about that, though.

He got stepped on or something.

So it's a cut.

He had stitches.

Oh, it's a cut? So, yeah, it's not like a broken or it's not like a ligament.

Okay, so it's just a surface wound.

Yeah, surface wound.

Nothing but a scratch.

Just a scratch.

All right, so what about Sunday, the Trubisky Bowl, Mahomes versus Watson? Go ahead, say your joke. What do you want to say? No, I got no joke for that.
All right, you gave me a look. I gave you a look because I got something really cool to talk about for this game.
Oh, I'm so excited to hear it, Warren. I think this is going to just blow your mind.
It's so like, it's so your style. Okay, go ahead.
Okay, so I think we all remember the game with the Indianapolis Colts when they went into Arrowhead on primetime TV. Hank had Moneyline.
Hank had Indian Moneyline. Colts Moneyline.
Okay, so Hank, I don't know if you factored this into your handicapping. No, I didn't.
He was just literally betting every Moneyline. No, no, no, no, no.
I already know i already know what you're gonna say yes okay you you know what i'm gonna say

i'm gonna tell you that they switched from like 84 percent zone coverage to this game they ran a

ton of man coverage and they had a lot of success and really shut down patrick mahomes offense of

course they ran the ball but how do you slow down patrick mahomes well you used man coverage exactly

but a lot of people are referring to that now as like the blueprint game that that then the

Thank you. they ran the ball but how do you slow down Patrick Mahomes well you used man coverage exactly but a lot of people are referring to that now as like the blueprint game that that then the Texans went the next week copy love it but guess what that's that's shorting Matt Patricia because the week before that Matt Patricia his defense the Detroit Lions run the most man coverage in the NFL.
And Matt Patricia in the prior game ran 83% man coverage.

And on those man coverage, he reduced the success rate of Patrick Mahomes from 71% down to 45%,

reduced his yards per attempt from 9% down to 7.4%.

So Indianapolis, they're very good with analytics.

Their guys saw that, and they duplicated.

They were a team, like I said, they played like 85%.

All right. So Indianapolis, they're very good with analytics.
Their guys saw that, and they duplicated. They were a team.
Like I said, they played like 85. Who? Indianapolis' guys or you? Indianapolis' guys.
Ooh, hey, good point. They looked at this, and they said, we're going to duplicate that.
Even though we go, Matt Iberflew said, even though we were all zone pretty much, we're going to go, man, they manned him up. Guess what they did? When they manned him up, 22% success rate.
When they played zone, 86%. When they manned him up, 4.7 yards per attempt.
When they went zone, 16.1. So then Bill O'Brien sees it done.
Two straight games. Detroit has success with Matt Patricia.
Matt Eberflus has success with the Indianapolis Colts. He goes a ton of man.
He was a zone guy, like up over 75% on the season prior to that. He played every single passing snap except for one in man coverage and limited what Patrick Mahomes was able to do through the air in that game.
Now, there are some rinks. So that's the first thing.
And then the second question is, what are they going to do this game? Now, I think that although they primarily play zone, they're going to go with what worked the last game. They're going to play a ton of man.
Here's the advice that I have for Andy Reid that I think that we should end up seeing. Is this free advice? This is absolutely free.
Get it on Barstool right now. Now, this is where Warren, though, like maybe he's giving advice, but he's giving the opposite advice to the actual Andy Reid.
You're being paid by the Texans to come on this show and give fake advice. No, he's being paid by the Chiefs to come on this show and say, here's the advice, but he's really giving them the real advice.
So the Texans are listening to this being like, so say what you're going to say. You decide once I say this what we should do.
Okay, so Patrick Mahomes on the entire season, looking at everybody he's played, whether they've played man or zone, when he throws the ball a shorter pass within 15 yards of the line of scrimmage, he is great whether you're playing man or zone. He's really good throwing the ball on these short passes.
He's got nearly, he's got actually a little bit better versus man, 8.6 yards per attempt versus 7.6 and a 10% better success rate throwing versus man. But when he goes deeper above 15 yards, passing it down the field more, when he throws those types of passes against man, 28% success rate, 8.3 yards per attempt, one touchdown, one interception, a 60 passer rating.
When he throws deeper passes against zone, look at how these numbers go. 28% success goes up to 66% success.
8.3 yards per attempt goes up to 19.9. His one-to-one touchdown-to-interception ratio goes eight touchdowns, only one interception, and his pass rating goes from 60 to 140.
So they're going to dink it down. That's interesting because that's almost counterintuitive when you think about the Chiefs wide receivers that they have.
They're all speedsters. They can all run passing.
You would think that going man-to-man, you can hit somebody deep because they can outrun their cornerback, but it sounds like they give them a deep enough cushion and respect those long routes, and it's easier to find them underneath and then let them run around the safeties and the cornerbacks. Exactly.
The yards after the catch is exactly what they need to emphasize in this game. Stay on the field.
Keep an efficient offense. Make Deshaun Watson and those guys think that when they get the ball because they're losing and they're down and the Chiefs are having these nice drives, that we don't have much time with the ball here.
We're going to have to go crazy fast. We're going to have to make sure everything counts and make those guys make a mistake.
But don't you go in there and try to force something down the field. Try to design more routes that are open underneath.
And I think they'll be able to do that if the Houston Texans decide to go crazy with the man coverage. Interesting.

So actually that win could be chalked up to the Patriots because it was Matt Patricia who came up with that wrinkle. And then O'Brien copied that.
We always like to tie things back to the Pat so that Hank can absorb it. Okay.
And take credit for it. Yeah, definitely.
In the NFC, I have a question about the Green Bay game. The Fraud Bowl.
The Fraud Bowl. Is there a way, as a computer folk yourself, is there a way that you can quantify whether or not a team is good at winning ugly? Good at winning ugly.
Well, I think you would actually have to look at the factors that you might value for a team that is winning ugly, and that is can they do well minimizing the explosive rushing of other teams. If you – the explosive game, explosive passes, explosive runs, those have to be eliminated for it to be an ugly game.
It has to be played in the trenches. It has to be a close tight – red zone defense.
Turnovers, stuff like that. So you would want to look at teams that are good at doing that and good at preventing those explosive plays, and then you're probably going to have a higher rate of ugly games.
But these two teams stink. They both are not as good as their record indicates.
Yes, absolutely correct. Finally, finally.
So if you're talking about limiting explosive plays in the running game, I don't think that the Seahawks have a player that can run for 30 yards without like stopping for breath they've limited themselves yeah yeah exactly so that would that would favor my green bay packers then i do think that green bay is definitely going to have the edge on the ground no i will tell you that if if you're seattle you're looking at this game and you see the green bay packers look the game look at the games i'll just tell you that seattle has played in terms of run defenses down the stretch. Out of their last nine games, they've played eight of those nine games against top 12 run defenses.
They've played the most difficult schedule of run defenses in the NFL. The last three, well, they ended with the Philadelphia Eagles, who are the fourth best team, but they've just played a brutal schedule of run defenses.
The only one that they played who was not good was the Carolina Panthers. They were the worst in the NFL, and Chris Carson ran all over those guys, ran roughshod.
The problem now is, though, number one, Green Bay stinks defending the run. They're 23rd in the NFL defending the run, and they're better defending the pass.
So Seattle might think, oh, we're a conservative team. Let's just run the ball on these guys.
But how many carries do you want to give Marshawn Lynch? Not that many, I don't think. And Travis Homer is not that bell cow guy in the backfield to take a lot of those.
What I think you need to do is find other ways to have success against the Green Bay Packers. And the first thing I'm going to look at is, do I respect their pass defense as much as the metrics indicate? And I'll go through here.
Look at these quarterbacks that they have played since week seven. I like this.
This is very fun to go through. So Derek Carr is week seven.
I'll tell you his stats in a moment. That's the game where he fumbled going into the end zone.
Over the pylon, flipped the game. Green Bay scored a touchdown immediately

before the half got the ball, scored another touchdown.

It was a disaster.

So I'm going to tell you his stats in that game in a second.

Week eight, Matt Moore, backup for the Chiefs.

Week nine, Phillip Rivers.

Tell you his stats in a minute.

Week 10, rookie Kyle Allen,

first rookie of the board for the Carolina Panthers.

Then you play Jimmy G, a good starting quarterback. I'll tell you his stats.
So there's three guys I'm going to hold off and tell you their stats. Then you go Daniel Jones, rookie.
Dwayne Haskins, rookie. Mitchell Trubisky, rookie.
I didn't play a lot in college. He's a young third year.
He's football young, rookie. Kirk Cousins, but in prime time.
That's different Kirk. That's a rookie.
Sam and David Blau blau rookie to close the season you're talking about four rookies in the last well in the last seven games plus mitchell trubisky thrown in there kirk cousins passes bedtime too so yeah that has his bedtime now the real legit starting quarterbacks say what you want about derrick carr but the guys who are capable starting quarterbacksbacks. Derek Carr, 10.5 yards per attempt, 68% success, a 119 rating.

Phillip Rivers, 9.8 yards per attempt, 60% success, a 108 rating.

And Jimmy G, 11 yards per attempt, 52% success, and a 146 rating.

Those three guys thrashed this secondary of the Green Bay Packers,

and the rest of the time they're playing crappy rookies or Mitch Trubisky or a guy who's passed his bedtime. So the question becomes, what are you going to do when you face Russell Wilson? I know their concern is, how is our O-line going to pass protect against the brothers on the other side of the football coming up with this pass rush? Because it is a very scary pass rush, I think, for Brian Schottenheimer to look at.
However, I will say this interesting tidbit to you. When Seattle uses play action, when teams use play action against Green Bay, those teams have not been sacked.
But when they don't use play action, here are the numbers. This is pretty crazy.
When you don't use play action, 38% success, 5.2 yards per attempt, and a 10% sack rate. But when you do use it in the first half, 60% success rate, 9.7 yards per attempt, and no sacks.
So they're awful at defending against play action. Correct.
But they're good when you don't fake it. So they're really dumb.
They're like a dog when you throw a ball and you put it behind your back. That's basically what the Green Bay Packers defense is.
Exactly. They're susceptible to that and pre-snap motion as well.
Would you say that Green Bay's best opportunity to win this game is if Pete Carroll reverts back to establish the run, Pete Carroll? He might psych himself into thinking's, you know, 20 degrees outside. This is playoff football.
Let's give the ball to my running back. You know, let's run the ball 35 times.
Like that is the best opportunity for the Packers defense, at least to win this game. I think anytime that you're taking the ball out of Russ's hands in a game like this and you're handing it to Marshawn Lynch, who was out on the streets a few weeks ago,

and Travis Homer, who similarly wasn't doing anything,

that is advantage to the defense,

even if that run defense is not as good as the pass defense.

I want this ball in Russ's hands as often as possible,

and I want to figure out how I'm going to design this passing offense

to optimize success against what is Green Bay weak at defending. So yes, I think that if they get super conservative, that is going to be a problem because I don't think that their 2019 slash 2020 defense is good enough to sustain them being just like mediocre offensively.
We saw the game against the Philadelphia Eagles where Josh McCown is driving up and down the field late and he keeps not converting these fourth downs. But if you convert that, I mean, that game could have been a tie game.
Right. One score game.
Russell Wilson is going to convert those. Yeah.
At least a couple of them. Well, Aaron Rodgers is going to convert those against the Seahawks defense, and that's a big problem.

You cannot be as conservative. You can't play the scoreboard in this game.
Your defense is not good enough. If you're Seattle and you're lucky enough to have a lead, which let me tell you how important having a lead is at halftime.
That's one of the things we talked about earlier and preached about having a lead. Here's a crazy statistic for you.
Aaron Rodgers in Lambeau career is 62-1-1 when he has a lead at halftime of any size. Russell Wilson, when he has a lead at halftime of any size, no matter where he's playing, is 65-7.
Both of these guys are outstanding at managing second halves of games, not throwing interceptions, not doing dumb things to cause them to blow a lead. So if Seattle is fortunate enough to get that lead at halftime, you absolutely cannot just go into a turtled-up shell.
Right. Okay.
So what was – give us your – I'm sure you'll have some gambling picks, right? Yeah. At your website.
But you have one game that you're leaning like if you could put your reputation – well, not reputation, that's mean. Your life on the line.
Ooh, life on the line. No, I really – I got a gun.
I'm going to shoot you in the head if you get this wrong. Wow.
Because I really need a bailout. Yeah, I would not recommend offering a pick in that selection.
I'm going to shoot Big Cat if you don't give him a pick. Yeah, tell us something.
So it's a hostage situation. I've got a gun to his head.
He's got a gun to your head. You don't care if I die.
Big Cat dies if you don't say one game. If it's a hostage situation, I will give you this, but definitely don't pull the trigger.
Okay. But just, like, lean into the trigger.

Don't stall if you keep stalling.

I won't stall.

I think that Kansas City-Houston over 24 in the first half is an interesting wager.

Done.

Got it.

Noted.

Done.

Reputation on the line.

I said interesting.

If you get this wrong, you are a hack.

I like that, though.

I like that.

Okay.

So all four unders last week, that's what I'm thinking, like, all four overs have to hit. Well, I don't know about that.
You're a computer guy. You should know that.
Yeah, I mean, that's just numbers. Regression of the mean.
Yeah, regression of the mean. Yeah.
No, I think that this week is going to be great for watching these games. Like, I can't wait to watch these guys go up against each other.
For betting on it's a little bit trickier because you got a couple inflated lines you got totals that actually are moving a little bit down on Saturday those totals the professional money has definitely come in on the unders on Saturday and a little bit towards the overs on Sunday I don't know that I agree with the over in the Seattle Green Bay game, because I think that with the weather there is supposed to be really cold. Now, that doesn't mean a game's going to go under.
But what I think we need to realize is that we also need to handicap coaches and what types of decisions they make. Cold weather, unless it's like zero degrees or something even lower than that, that's when the football gets hard as rock and it might be a little bit harder to kick.
It also is harder to catch because think about all your hands. If you're not wearing gloves, your hands have a little bit of moisture.
It's a leather football that has the moisture. So it's easier to catch the ball when the humidity level is normal.
But if it's dry as hell because it's so cold, that's when the ball just skips off of people's hands. It's harder to catch.

It's because of the lack of moisture there.

So that's the only scenario.

But if you have a guy like a Pete Carroll who's just like,

guys, this is going to come down to a turnover.

We don't want to risk it.

Let's hold on to the football.

Let's play good defense.

Like that type of play calling could impact the way that the game would be.

Interesting.

Well, I already took the over in that game, so I think I'm sorry.'re with the sharp money so that's so you're sure what i did was i faded my own brain i was like it's going to be cold my exact thoughts were it's going to be cold in this game usually there aren't a lot of points when it's cold and then i was like well that's what everyone else thinks so i'm going to take the over so you're saying i was actually secretly smart yeah secretly smart because people who bet the under just because it's going to be cold. As long as it's not uber cold, as long as it's just like 10 to 15 degrees cold.
That does not going to be a place of bearing on whether this game goes over. All right.
So my last question, Seeky question, promo code take. You put it in, you get $10 off, go to a playoff game this weekend.
Promo code dollars off the coaching carousel the hires who's your favorite hire of the uh of the group of new coaches that were hired in the last week and a half mike mccarthy ron rivera uh matt rule joe judge yeah so i don't know enough about joe judge to have an opinion no one does i'm inclined to be optimistic about most coaching changes because we know in some scenarios, like it can't be that much worse than what it was. So let's think optimistically for once in our lives that something could be okay.
With regard to the other three guys, I'm most intrigued by the Matt Rule hire because I want to see if what he does transitions over. And we know that he's

working with an owner who just like spend, spend, spend on everything. And he's already talked about that.
So that's a good thing because there's no salary cap on coaching. Get the best position coaches that you can get, the best coordinators you can get, have the best strength and conditioning program, the best health departments and nutrition, have whatever edge you can possibly get.
analytics people as well. Then you factor in the Mike McCarthy angle where he's already mentioned he's building a staff and he's going to have all these different people.
He also said he watched every play and he then admitted live to sitting next to Jerry. Love that.
I got you, Jerry. Power move.
Got you, Jerry. I didn't actually do that.
I told you I did, but that's a trick. But I love his sense of humor, though.
That's kind of refreshing. Oh, you like the hierarchy because of Mike McCarthy's sense of humor.
If he does, I could tell you right away that stuff he was doing in Green Bay was not very analytically sound. Right.
A lot of the stuff. So the fact that he took a year off and focused on improving outside of the ball.
the rubber meets the road will he that's always the thing with the older coaches will they be able to and actually age doesn't really matter because some of the older coaches are the are the most analytically driven but when a coach trusts their gut in like the crunch moment instead of crushing uh trusting the analytics yes it's it's very that's one of the most uh it can be one of the most frustrating things when you're devising certain things and you think they're going to give you a big edge, but then the coach just doesn't think that that's appropriate, applicable, or useful in this particular game. How come Belichick keeps on saying that he doesn't use any analytics whatsoever? Do you think that he would lie to us and lie to the press? Yes.
Okay. Yes.
I mean, the way I look at Belichick, if you ask him like a detailed football-related question, he sometimes comes out and blindsides you and actually answers it very honestly and gives you like a super long answer that you weren't even expecting. And then some poor guy has to go and transcribe it and post it on the internet for everybody else to read but if you're just going to ask him like a point for question you straightforward i mean he's going to deny most everything possible unless there's an advantage to him and he could easily say i don't look at analytics but like he's not the one he's looking at the findings but he's not doing the research somebody else there is giving him the research.
You can look at everything that they're doing. I mean, they document every play.
They

document every single position on every single play. They log it.
They put it into a spreadsheet,

I'm assuming. He doesn't go into Excel and pull it up and run reports himself,

but he's definitely looking at it. He's got a team of guys that are using things,

including computer vision, that are trained on the game itself and pulling nuggets off of where these players are going and where they're turning and how they're doing things that they're then incorporating into their strategy and molding their philosophies and you can just tell by the way that they're calling plays and some of the things that they're doing that they've done studies on this stuff. And that's all, in a nutshell, analytics is just researching data from history

and then using it to make an intelligent decision.

It's not as complicated as a lot of people make it out to be.

My last question, when Dave Gettleman was talking about computer folks,

what's a computer folk?

What's your definition?

Are you a computer folks?

Yeah. I mean, unfortunately, anybody who owns a computer technically is oh wow so we might have a job with the giants yeah i like it yeah um all right well warren thank you as always appreciate your time check him out warren sharp sharp football he's got everything he's got you make yourself a smarter football fan i'm excited for the fraud bowl on Sunday night and guaranteed winners from them too.
Yes. Guaranteed.
Or I die. Gun points.
I die. All right.
Thanks for having me guys. That interview, the Warren sharp was brought to you by the barstool store.
The weather is getting colder. Winter is officially here from the perfect game day outfit to the only sweatshirt you'll want to wear this winter, the Barstool Sports Store has your winter gear covered.
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Love them. Go to store.barcelosports.com to shop now and now paul rabel and now for something completely different okay we now welcome on uh recurring guest he's been on many times actually you're you're basically a you live here fifth member it's paul rabel uh we're here to talk about the water dogs.
We own a team. We own a lacrosse team now.

You hired a coach.

I don't – you didn't ask us.

Right.

Like, I don't even know who the guy is.

Who is it?

Who's the hire?

Andy Copeland.

I thought you guys were aware of it.

Is the ink dry on the contract?

Is this, like, finalized?

It's finalized, but obviously as owners for the Waterdogs.

First of all, congratulations.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Appreciate that.

Thank you. Thank you.
So, yeah. Everyone's excited.
You hired a a coach didn't tell us that's fine i'm i'm fine with that i'm not the process was underway before you guys signed the paperwork okay all right then we're fine with that um how is he like the whole thug slug thing does he know the difference between those two words uh yes okay all right so then we're we of today is we're going to pass along as contact information to you guys. I've actually got a list of things.
I don't need that. That's a little too much.
Oh, yeah. Give us a list.
Perfect. That we're going to go through as owners.
So part of my responsibility as player, commissioner, and owner of the league is to make sure that our ownership group is ready to rock. Okay.
I know you guys talked about it on Monday. Yes.
We're ready to so give us okay so uh first is coaches so annie copeland robert cross and brendan dawson are you guys coaches uh brendan dawson okay i like that that's a very lacrosse name robert cross brendan how do you spell brendan b-r-y-n-d-y-n yeah that's right. Okay, good.
So that passes. And then upcoming we have the draft.
So you guys are going to participate. That's where the owners really get involved.
Okay. In the expansion draft.
Because you actually don't have players yet, as you're aware. And I know you guys have been looking at the rosters and everything.
Are you protected? We haven't announced yet. Does your team protect you? But this was actually jumping ahead into our rules around tampering okay which uh is illegal but tampering happens okay but is hank an owner or is it just us like on the paper because we can have hank just tamper for us yeah that's a good strategy can you ask can you ask paul if he's protected or not paul you're protected or not not? We haven't released yet.
I hope I'm protected, but we can still trade. Here's a little something that might sweeten the pot for you.
You were on The Chaos? What about Sergio Perkovich? He was on Atlas, so Paul was on Atlas. Who was that name? Sergio Perkovich.
Okay, we'll take him. He lives in New York.
Okay, perfect. So you're on atlas i would assume you got a bunch of free atlas gear i did now you can get a free water dog gear and i would i would guess most lacrosse players uh the salary isn't good enough that having like two sets of different team shirts is pretty nice like that's probably their bonus in salary in the old league we got by merchandise.
Now our guys get paid well. Yeah, remember, this is a player-centric league.
Right, it's a player-centric league with great owners who also are worth a lot of money. Can we lock them out? Yes, we can.
We can lock you out. If you don't become protected, I'm going to lock you out.
We should get Rambo. That's the guy.
Rambo's going to be a tough get. You're going to have to make a bunch of trades.
Write this down. We want Rambo.
We want Perkovich. Perkovich.
And we want you. Where's Perkovich from? Is that like Serbian? Is he a Serb? He actually grew up in Detroit.
And I think he's Russian. Okay.
Okay. Good.
Good. You actually can't ask that.
Is he pregnant? You can't ask that. Hey, what kind of.
What's his neighborhood like? He looks like an NFL tight end He's good looking, he's 6'5", he's huge Alright, yeah, we want him Put him on the list Alright, what else you got on your list? Okay, so we have our draft The expansion draft is on February 4th That sounds like Super Bowl time Monday. We're shooting at NBC.
It's a Monday? It's a Monday. Monday or Tuesday.
Monday after the Super Bowl. And then it'll...
Can you... You guys can phone in.
In Stanford? So Andy Copeland will be making the picks. How many...
What's your pizza budget? Colony Grills, great pizza. We can make that happen.
Okay, we might go up. We haven haven't discussed the rider yet but we'll build a rider for you guys.
We would come up for no less than 10 pizzas. 10 pizzas? 10 pizzas.
As commissioner are you going to be at the podium giving a big hug to every player that gets drafted? I step off of the podium. I'm actually the commissioner but I act as the commissioner.
You know what? I'm getting very confused good I'm gonna make Paul Rabel clown shirts yeah because I don't understand yeah we should do this league is unjust but you're the commissioner and you guys are owners now so yeah there's a morality clause as well in the actually everyone I'm happy you brought that up because as owners and you're the commissioner, the job of the commissioner is basically to be like a human shield for the owners and any of their mistakes.

So if we screw up, you need to jump in front of the bullet.

Well, I believe my job is to return value back to the ownership group from the investment standpoint. No, it's the thing I just described.

Okay, so I need to jump in front of any bullet. If we were get arrested you have to serve the time it's on me yeah you have to say I didn't do a good enough job as commissioner providing these guys with sober rides right right okay that's your fault hypothetically that's on you that is only so I do like I'll be honest I like the new water dogs helmet oh even have to be honest.
So this is an exclusive look. We brought it in.
It's got the chrome purple. It is very swaggy.
Matching your purple jumpsuit today. Yeah, I like it.
What's the weight? Now, hold on. The chrome purple, if this paint chips, I would imagine it's pretty expensive to redo.
We'll just get you a new one. But it's pretty expensive? Yes.
I'd like to cut costs. I'd like to get more money back in my pocket.
Okay. And not on the player's hands.
Yeah, because those are hand-dipped. Yeah, I can tell.
Let's not do that anymore. I want the spray.
I want the robot spray. Let's make sure that we're not doing that.
You can spray paint your own helmet. Does the water dog itself, the mascot, the logo here, does that dog have a name? No.
We should name it. Oh, we should.
What if we just call it Stella Leroy? Stella Leroy.

No, we can't do that.

That's narcissistic.

We got to do, like, something with lacrosse.

And now that you guys are owners, this is completely your call.

I can't even chip in.

Yeah.

It's got to be lacrosse.

It's got to be lacrosse.

Well, the dog is a goalie, clearly, right?

Yeah.

Because he's, like, he snapped the thing in half.

Maybe we just name the dog Bradad let's get all the brads and chads out of our system um all right so uh so what what else is on your list let's go down the rest okay there's a jersey release so we have the helmet here we brought a bunch of water dog swag for the office okay so let's pop that open we will sell that you can sell it or you can wear it i mean i'm trying to make money as owners yeah what what would you say that's why we brought you guys on as owners what would you say can we say similar mindset have we we're governors i'd like to do a census uh some type of study to figure out what where we could build a stadium exclusively with the tax

payers money. So I want to do

that. I don't want to pay anything for my new stadium.

So let's find out.

Let's do a research study.

We'll bill the players for that

and figure out what location in America

the voters are dumb enough

that they'll just give us a lacrosse stadium.

And then who would you go after for the naming rights

of that stadium? Probably david busters actually no you know actually it won't even be david buster stadium it'll just be a giant david busters that happens to have a field on it we should just double dip we should just call it the pardon my take stadium and then the rest of the owners have to pay us to license the name pardon my yes and then we get the yeah we get the promotion for the podcast and we also double dip with a little cash in our pockets and also we put a dave and busters in it and we'll put a podcast set up center field yes this is a sick shirt i'm happy you did black too because then it's slimming it's very slimming right yeah okay okay what else so jersey we have this swag here. So the jersey release is in collaboration with Adidas.
And I've already told the folks in Portland that you guys are going to be helping design those jerseys. You don't have to go to Portland, but you can give some influence there.
And then we'll release those sometime in March. So that's the team's responsibility.
Please stay away from Portland, guys. We have this stuff.
So up to you there. Okay.
Then the television broadcast schedule comes out in March or April, so right after, so we'll determine how many Dogs games are on TV. Okay.
How do we get Jake Marsh, our intern slash announcer who announces Vermont basketball radio? You used to do Syracuse lacrosse. How do we get him on a broadcast? That's non-negotiable.
We can have that conversation. Well, no.
No, we're having it right now. This is non-negotiable.
I don't think you understand this. Well, we figure out we'll get the Waterdogs television schedule.
Okay. We just need him to do play-by-play for one game.
That's where we'll start guy a break who's calling him we have you brendan burke brendan burke and ryan boyle and then paul burmeister all nbc guys okay so so during those broadcasts i'd also like in our contract i we need at least 20 shots of us per game up in the owner's suite just looking down yeah having like high fives having big cat or having a liam and and uh hank cleaning our glasses and putting them back on yeah it's like just jerry jones glamour shots yeah every time we get a goal scored against us i need to see big cadme standing up pounding the table yes okay yeah we could probably work that in okay we have we actually announced this week that our opening weekend's at gillette so may 29th and 30th it's a friday night and sat night game. How many pizzas? The dogs will be playing.
We can get your suite full of pizzas because you guys actually have as owners, you have suite access to every game. True.
But no, I know I'm not baiting you into coming. I'm smarter than that, Paul.
It's one of those situations where we go in the suite and nothing's in there and they hand you menu. And it's like $2,000 to get a Bud Light.

This is where we start negotiating your ride.

Yeah.

I'm smart.

I've been there and you walk into the suite and all they have is just like a giant tray of ice.

Yeah.

And maybe one thing of popcorn.

The menu.

Maybe popcorn if you're lucky.

Maybe.

Like a couple of mints with like chocolate on them.

So you guys want fully stocked?

What else?

I'm sure you have peculiar items that you request when you stay in your suites at games.

I need three types of soup.

Okay.

I need a broccoli cheddar.

I need a minestrone and a pho.

And I want the dessert cart.

You know how they bring it around?

I want it to be locked outside of our suite.

Okay.

So it feels like it's always coming around.

All right.

So it's like you just walk out and you're like, oh, the dessert cart's here.

Three soups.

Lock those wheels.

A keg.

And a keg.

A root beer.

A keg of soup.

A keg of soup.

Thank you. around.
So it's like you just walk out and you're like, oh, the Zerkart's here. Three soups.
Lock those wheels. A keg.
And a keg. A keg of soup.
A keg of soup. And root beer.
Three kegs of three different soups? One keg of soup. One keg of root beer.
One keg of root beer for Big Cat. Okay.
So root beer. All right.
And then, so you do have an owner's suite at every game, and then you get 20 tickets. That's what owners get.
Can we resell them? Yeah, good question. Yeah, I was thinking you can distribute them, but you can resell them if you want.
Okay. Yeah.
We'll just have to get accurate on where those... I mean, they're technically tickets for your suite.
Oh, so they're people that sit with us. They can, or you can put a call in and we'll get them GA.
We can make some money off would you like watch parties in our suite yeah we don't show up what's our hashtag it's up for discovery raw dogs k9 raw dogs yeah raw dog dog doggy style yeah yeah okay we'll come up with that we gotta name him i think we do the man now dog i think we should name think we just name him Brad the Dog. Brad the Dog.
Chaz. Chaz.
Chaz. All right, Chaz the Dog.
Chaz. Yeah, we hadn't even thought about naming the dog.
Yeah, his name's gonna be Chaz. You guys like every game is a revenge game, right? Yeah, the live dog on- That's actually fucking kick ass.
What? At the games? Like, Ugga? Oh, yeah, do we have a live mascot? We haven't budgeted for that yet, but- Mm-hmm. We should.
Like, a live mascot being an actual dog, we find our own dog and then we get. We license the dog to them.
It's actually a good idea for us to have a live dog on the field. Yes.
Good temperament, though, because little kids, we don't want, you know, going to have to get insurance. But I do want them to attack the opposing players like Aga'll get used to do yes yes yeah it's like if he sees an atlas walk by it would be good though to have a dog you know like family friendly everyone's like look at that dog right you know have him if it's a bull is it a bulldog no people have been saying the bulldogs don't swim really they can i've seen a bulldog swim but they're not good swimmers okay right they don't swim well yeah uh so this Yeah.
So this dog to me looks like, I don't know, it's a hybrid. It's a muck.
It's a hybrid. It's every dog ever created mashed into one.
Actually, a hybrid is a way cooler thing to say than a muck. There's a ton of revenue opportunities from water dogs.
So we can do dog treats. We can do dog toys, like little scrunchie lacrosse balls or lacrosse sticks newicles the fake nuts after they get their nuts removed and yeah and a surgeon have them hang off the back of cars yes yes right now you're thinking so all that type of stuff is up for grabs this team has the ability to monetize differently in the other groups now do we get to keep that or do we have to share it with, the fucking chaos and the at lie and all that bullshit? No sharing across other clubs, but sharing with the league.
That sounds like I'm sharing with the other clubs. As long as I don't have to, like, share it.
Like, I'm not going equal splits with a guy that's selling maps. No, it's not Major League Baseball.
It's not Major League Baseball where your team drives all the revenue. I also think you tricked us earlier.
I was talking to Hank about this on the flight back. back i think you came up with the name water dogs and then you incepted us into thinking that maybe because i think we were talking about i'm okay with it too if we run the tape back i think i actually was pretty adverse to it okay remember i was i made the inside joke about the office and you guys said the inside joke was really bad yeah and i was like i can't call can't call this team the Waterdougs.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Waterdougs.
Yeah, you wanted, what did you want? You wanted it to be named like Chrome or something? That joke didn't land. I got a bunch of tweets about it.
Stop trying to be funny. Is there a Chrome? There is a Chrome.
Oh, okay. Yeah, I mean, I guess you guys just picked every shitty name.
Their helmets are expensive. Yeah.
Waterdog's the only good name. We're going to kill everyone.
I mean, Water Dogs, in terms of merch sales. America's team.
Yeah, they've already passed the Chrome account and followers. Duh.
And they don't even have a team. Duh.
We have players. We should give the players the option to just join our team.
Yes. Yes.
Yes. I've already gotten a bunch of calls and texts.
I mean, if you want be, I mean, if you want to win, you come to the water. What's the value of ownership groups? A lot of players want to avoid Jerry Jones and Dan Snyder.
And in our league, everyone wants to come over to this team now. Right.
They want. Yeah.
We are Jerry Jones and Dan Snyder. What's the process for the expansion draft again? Remind me.
So there's 11 protected protected players per club it's the survivor flip cup and then you guys get 18 picks you guys get 18 picks available so that roster the available unprotected players will be announced next week do we have to do like do we have to field defensemen no could we just draft 18 offensive players probably and then control the market that's conversation you'll have to have with Andy. That's a good idea, but what if we also drafted just all goalies? Yeah.
And then we just stacked them on each other's shoulders, and so it's just physically impossible. But then everyone's going to trade with us.
They're going to trade. No, it's fine.
We'll shut everyone out. It's like taking six quarterbacks in fantasy football.
One of the fucked up rules in lacrosse is that you can actually only have one goalie stick on the field. So your goalie i used to think why don't we put the goalie at attack he's got a big stick and he can catch the ball easier then you can't have two goalie sticks can't have someone else in the net okay with that same stick so but they can't have a normal stick in the net they can have a normal i'm just picturing like six are there how many guys are on the field at the same time ten ten guys oh on each each other's shoulders.
That was a guess. That was a street guess.
On each other's shoulders, standing in front of the net, there's no daylight for the ball to get through. Right.
But they're going to get hit with a pretty hard rubber ball. We will treat them like cannon fodder.
Yeah, yeah. They got it.
All right, what else on their list? All right, so we've gone through all of what's forthcoming. The draft, the college draft's going to be on NBC Sports, and you guys can make the first pick or do whatever you want.
That's a conversation you'll have with Andy. Deal.
Where's that? That's going to be at Stanford, too. A different trip? That is on April 21st, yeah.
That's the college draft. So that's where you're taking the best players in college.
Okay. Some dude from fucking Virginia.
Penn State. Duke.
Johns Hopkins. Virginia.
Whatever.s hopkins virginia whatever syracuse got it what's the drug testing policy like for your owners so the drug testing policy for our owners is non-existent okay great all right great great understood but in fairness that hasn't been flagged yet so it's something i'm thinking about yeah maybe we should actually have it so that we can get some buzz. No drug use.
Water Dogs owners are addicted to marijuana. That would be a great headline.
Addicted to marijuana. That would be a great headline.
We'll make a list between me and Big Cow, figure out which drugs we have taken, and then find ones that we haven't, and then try to bust the other owners for those. I'm just saying buzz.

Buzz is everything.

No bad publicity with the water dogs.

Right.

We're America's team.

I mean, I still haven't taken you up on that dick pic suggestion you made six months ago.

Right, exactly.

You should do that.

Sex tape.

We should do that.

Sex tape.

Yes.

We know.

So here are some rules that I jotted down

based on listening to the show on Monday.

So John Schnatner, John Shatner, Papa John, Papa John.

It's a no go for me.

Why?

Shadow Commissioner.

Well, no, that's not how Shadow Commissioners work.

Well, like you don't get to decide the Shadow Commissioner shows up in the shadows.

You don't see him coming, but he has some tie.

So you can't you guys you guys can't bring him on to your ownership group.

OK, it's just too much.

But here's the thing.

If we bring him to a game, he's going to eat 50 pizzas.

I don't love papa john okay okay all right well again this isn't for you. He's a shadow commissioner.
You won't know that he's there until he pops out of the shadows. So we'll deal with that later.
All right. Trade windows, waiver wire, that starts in a couple of weeks.
Okay. So that would be after the expansion draft, and that's when you can probably go after Rambo and Perkovic if he's not protected and then I'll have a discussion with Hank can we pay out of pocket for players? that would have to be under the table I can't see it because I'm just thinking out loud if we did a GoFundMe and we just got all the best players and just didn't lose.
Right. That would be electric.
They'd have to break their contract probably with the league and then get a fine. So the under-the-table pay would be cover your fine for breaking your contract, jump into the...
We just cash-hap them through salary. Sidebar.
Okay. Don't listen to this, Paul.
LeBron, Space Jam 2, we offer everyone a spot in Boner Dogs who comes to the Water Dogs. And it's like a no-show job.
$200,000. If it ever enters production, then they get...
Yes. Gotcha.
All right, go on. I didn't hear that.
Yep. All right, so...
Wait, is owning a team going to interfere with my fantasy lacrosse ownership? Good question. Not fantasy.
Okay, so I can still participate in fantasy lacrosse. You can participate in fantasy lacrosse.
We're working to turn on gaming, so gambling. Okay.
Yeah, are we allowed to gamble on the team? We've been meeting with the Department of Gaming Enforcement. It's a really elaborate, long process.
Can we gamble on the games whilst owning a team? So the rule right now is you can't gamble on your team. Pete Rose rule.
Right. So can't gamble on the dogs.
Yeah. It's Papa John's team, actually.
But you can wet your beak elsewhere. Wait, can I gamble on the dogs to win? No, because they're your team.
But I want them to win. The goal is to win.
Yeah. We talked about it.
We actually batted that around internally. As long as we were saying, well, the first step is you can't short your team.
So you can't bet on them to lose. Cause you can fix that.
Right. But if you bet on the win, it feels like a slippery slope.
Why? It's just you betting on your own. Well, just put a pin in that.
We'll go back to that. Okay.
Yeah. Yeah.
Not official. I mean, these are actual rules you can see, that I'm writing down.
So we're building this thing together now. It's ground up.
We're not even in our second season. We'll have this conversation.
Okay. But gambling's on, and you want to be able to bet on the dogs.
Yes. Okay.
And the over in dogs games. Okay.
So the morality clause, that's common across all sports. Take Tiger Woods, for example nike decided to hold on to him discretionarily but the other teams dropped him or the other sponsors so what's our takes place all it's a discretionary morality clause you get to decide essentially do we get to decide as owners the vote does come back nice So we vote on our own morality.

But you've got to lobby the rest of the ownership group.

We can take care of that.

Okay.

Who are the other owners? Yeah, who are the other ones?

Because I want to know.

Yeah, so Joe Sy is one of them.

He owns the Brooklyn Nets.

Okay.

Co-founder of Alibaba.

Yep.

So we've already talked about,

depending on your interest in the Nets,

we can get you guys courtside now as owners.

Next year.

Not interested.

When KD comes.

All right, well, then I'll scratch that off. I was excited.
I was going to get you guys courtside, so no courtside. All right, so him.
Who else? Who else can we get to? One of the very few nice things that I can give out. Yeah, I'll take this.
I care. I'll take this.
Other than that, I don't have much to offer outside of a glazed chrome water dogs helmet. What else? Who else is the owner? So we have folks at caa churnin we know him so you get that that's one vote yep yeah he'll hold our way yep fortress investment group bunch of uh guys out in san francisco they sound uh very intimidating yeah okay we can get to them all right well i'm not worried about morality clause keep it, yeah.
Between lobbying, Chernin, probably CAA here in New York. We'll go to one of the next games.
Go to Joe's courtside. Yeah.
So he can feel like this team matters. Yeah.
Right. We'll do all that.
And then maybe you can reverse the morality clause discretionary. We don't even want to reverse it.
We just, when we are up for trial for something bad we've done, we just want to make sure we don't get kicked out. It would be a fine.
We would fine you guys. And then we pay the league and we get a shirt in that.
Churn would pay that probably anyway. Yeah, Churn would pay our fine.
Yeah. Officials, they're on the table, but that goes also down to the discretionary.
What do you mean? Tweeting about officials being bad game managers. Right.
What's the Mark Cuban rule? Yeah, so Mark Cuban, he's famous for making comments after games about the officials. And he gets fined, doesn't he? He gets fined, but sometimes it's worth it if it's in the playoffs and you want to make your point.
Like, I'll pay my fine. How much would a fine be? I don't.
Hypothetically. We view officials like coaches and players.
Yeah.

They're as much a part of the game.

And if they have a poor performance and someone says something, as long as it's not egregious,

I'm not worried about this.

That's game.

I'm not worried about this at all.

And here's why.

I'm never going to learn the rules of lacrosse.

And so I'm not going to tweet about it and have everyone well actually me.

So I won't complain about it because I don't know the rules.

But you can always say it's a great out if we lose to be like the ref screwed us I don't know the rules so I'll just sit there and be like whatever so you're fine with that but even if the ref screwed us we would we would be okay with that what are the policy on bribing the refs can't do that okay can't do that because then we'd have to pull then we'd have to pull gambling right now or forever forever okay forever's Okay. Forever's a long time.
Yeah. Just so you know.
The league may not be around forever. Right.
That's forever. Yeah, what's our exit strategy here? When we sell, what kind of equity are we looking at as owners? Well, you have the equity in the docs that you signed.
How much is it worth right now? The business? Yeah. It's worth a lot.
Can we sell right now? I can't disclose that. Can we sell right now? You can, with a vote, you could begin to sell your shares to the secondary market, but you'd have to get approval.
I'd like to start that process so we can get some cash in hand right now. You have to get approval.
Okay. Okay.
Well, we're already chipping back cash to you by changing the color palette of the helmet. That's true.
Is there a policy on us going out and trying to solicit bids for the league? For us to go out and be like, hey, Elon Musk, I've got this great investment opportunity. Maybe stop smoking so much weed and just shell out a couple bills.
Or maybe he smokes weed and decides to buy the league. True.
Right. Can we sell stock in our team? It's not worth anything.
We just keep the the cash green bay packers model we'll we'll take we have to take a look at it okay we'll send it to our gc all right keep it open keep it open all right what else but we we do think so well if this league does sell or if we decide to franchise out to multiple owners then you that's another revenue pop for you guys now. So every new owner that comes in,

we get, is there like a... On a franchise fee?

Do they have to pay us? Do they have to pay us to start

a new team? They don't pay you directly,

they pay the league, and we pay you.

And we've set up a very smart Ponzi scheme.

I like that, so we can try to get new owners

That's sports, sports or Ponzi schemes.

I know, so we need new owners.

Yeah, so actively solicit.

Give us a heads up, so we can get you the materials and presentation and stuff as to.

John Shatner.

Is that his last name?

Yeah.

Schnatter.

Schnatter.

Schnatter.

Papa John.

Papa John.

Yeah.

We're soliciting him.

But he's subject to board approval.

Morality clause.

Got it.

I'll probably say no.

Yeah.

Got it.

Got it.

Okay.

All right. Fighting.
As we said said before it's legal each other not amongst owners so owners can't fight each other is that did you put that law in because we could kick everyone's ass well i had to just it's just it's a protection of the other owners the other owners demanded you put that in when we got right right right yeah i had to Yeah, it makes sense. I had to be clear.
I understand. Say no more.
Okay, so no fighting my son. Yeah, that makes sense.
What about just sack tap though? The fucking betas. What about just like hitting them like boom? That's not really a fight.
It's just guys being dudes. No, that was a shot at a hip.
Is there guys being dudes? I imagine one of these whiny San Francisco dudes like, we don't want them in unless they can't beat our ass. I'm like, fine.
yeah no it makes all right so that's pretty it's pretty simple right there there's a there's a wide net morality clause we talked about and then we have to draft your rider because you have an owner suite at every game and 20 tickets and then it sounds like you guys want to complicate it with the stock options that aren't of value but you can yep write them down in certificate. Yes, delete them with fake shares.
And then it sounds like you guys want to complicate it with the stock options that aren't of value, but you can write them down in certificate.

Yes.

Delink them with fake shares.

Absolutely.

And then you can give away or sell your tickets.

Yep.

And then talking about selling merchandise.

That's all stuff that we'll handle.

Okay.

Okay.

This sounds –

I'm ready.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We're pumped.

Are you okay with us being owners?

Are you nervous?

I better be.

The docs are signed. No, I feel really good.
We have to do that. We have an issue with forgetting to sign ownership contracts.
He's been following us around for a couple of years. Paul actually said that to me.
He's like, I've never had to chase down people to sign a document for equity. I actually did say that.
That's me. That's me that's i was like what's wrong with you guys yeah well i don't know we'll do it eventually we want to exit strategy we want to be able to say we never signed anything but then we want to be able to say we signed it if we ever make money right that's like the entertainment business right right all those agencies they don't actually sign deals with filmmakers or their talent until something sells.
Right. And then they try to get it back retroactively or they'll sue.
That's our plan. What about music in the stadium? I don't want to have to pay licensing fees to other artists.
We take care of the licensing fees. Okay.
I'm anti-Gary Glitter. I don't want Rock and Roll Part 2 being played.
He's a pedophile. Well, you guys get to pick your teams.
Not me, Gary Glitter. I just want to specify.
Yeah, Gary Glitter.

So we're not paying him. Convicted, I believe.

Yes. Multiple times.
Yes.

So we can say that. Yes.
You guys can pick your team entrance song, too. Okay.

Yeah, all that stuff. Baby Shark.

Get as creative as possible. We'll make our own

song. We will rock you.

Yeah, no, Hank's right. We'll make our own song.

No, we will rock you. We'll make our own song, and then they have to pay us.

Okay. Then we have to pay you guys

to license it. Yeah, exactly.

I caught that one. That's Queen.
No, no.

I don't know. No, Hank's right.
We'll make our own song. No, we will rock you.
We'll make our own song, and then they have to pay us. Okay.
Then we have to pay you guys to license it.

Yeah, exactly.

I caught that one.

That's Queen.

No, no.

I don't know.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Okay.

Good call, Hank. Good call, Hank.

Good call.

Opening weekend.

Probably not going to make it.

Fuck.

Wait, February.

When is it?

We're being honest here.

May 29th and 30th.

It's at Gillette.

May 29th and 30th. Friday night.
Is that a Memorial night is that we'll put the dogs on the Friday night game no it's the weekend after oh grit week's the week before so maybe I'm a firm maybe I'm a probably not okay so I'll just get ahead of that with the owner's suite and give it to someone else yeah that's fine we fine. We'll do maybe the New York one.
Hank's got the owner's suite, and he's got the quick side ticket. Maybe the Philly one.
Anything within a two-hour drive of New York City, we're in. Okay.
Maybe. And potentially calling a game still, because that was one that...
With Jake Marsh, though. We're a package deal.
Jake Marsh has to call one game this season on NBC Sports.

Oh, by the way, we were talking about tampering.

So there's three drafts this offseason.

There's the expansion draft that's first.

Then we talked about the college draft.

In between, there's an entry draft. So there were MLL players that had multi-year deals or had signed with MLL.

We talked about on the Yak with Steve Romano.

Yeah, yeah.

That draft is in March.

So you have the ability to grab whoever you want. So we can draft Steve? If you want to, yeah.
Is he good? I think he's good. Okay, we'll draft him.
He almost made the all-star team, I think. Okay, so we're going to draft him.
Can we draft Steve Belichick? Ooh. Chris Hogan? We'll just get...
Both are good. Chris Hogan wore an Atlas jersey to a Panthers game.
We'll have him in a water dog. Yeah, we'll have this in a water dog jersey in no time.
I think if we draft Steve Belichick, that would be good publicity right there. Yeah.
Because, I mean, it's going to make news. He doesn't have to – he probably won't know what's going on.
Is Bill Belichick going on the opening weekend? He was there last year. He'll probably come this year.
Will you come on part of my day? I'll ask him. i was telling i was i was actually with him a couple days ago i was telling about you guys yeah then we would come what do you say he loves barstool oh yeah i mean dave has defended him to the end of the earth loves so yeah yeah yeah okay i told him you guys came up with the logo and everything because he was asking he was like what the fuck's up with water dogs and what do you say i was like was he like it's cool playing these guys yeah it makes sense i love those guys nice and steve was in the room too but we just got to get a contract to him and you guys can draft him all right great we'll just draft the entire belichick family and force him to come on the podcast yeah that actually is a genius maybe that's what we do just draft people we want on the podcast we're just aaron rogers you've been drafted we're waiting for coach belichick to finally call it quits in the NFL.
We'll bring him over to the PLL. That's literally Hank's theory of why lacrosse is going to be the biggest sport in America.
Yeah, that and the Olympics, but that's in 2028. That's a long time from now.
I'm going to be dead. I'm a hard no for that.
For watching or attending. It's in LA.
Anything to do with LA? Yeah. Traffic's going to be brutal.
Yeah. No way.
It's going to be shut down. It's already backed up.
PCH is going to be just bumper to bumper. Paul Rabel, thank you very much.
Everyone tune in to the draft. When? February 4th.
That's right. Okay.
In Stanford. Tune in.
And then the entry draft and the college draft and opening weekend, all this stuff. And welcome to the PLL, guys.
Oh, here's just one last idea. We should make a rule that if you get drafted in our draft, you can't get drafted in the military draft.
Yes. So it heightens like we could call anyone's name.
I think that's actually the government's job to say that. Yeah.

No, we're obligated.

We have to bake that into contracts.

Every league does.

What?

That they can be drafted, and we can't exclude them from that.

Okay, how about this, though?

We also make it a school.

So PLL is also a college.

Yep. So if they play for us, they're technically in school.

Then they can't be drafted.

Right.

Also, you're a Quaker.

When you become a lacrosse player, you're officially a Quaker.

Yes.

I don't have to go to war. And in the college, we put all of our podcasts on a service where it basically is the class and we charge them.
Yep. Yep.
That's why we love you guys. You're going to come up with all these revenue streams and the rest of the organization's leagues are going to copy.
Yes. Which is good.
They absolutely got to have someone innovating. All right.
Water dogs. Thank you, Paul.
Here we go. Okay.
Let's get some segments. Finish up the show.
Finish up the week. There were two other things I just thought of.
Oh, one is barstoolgold.com slash PMT. That was the first one.
The second one is actually a two-parter. The second one is there is a curse of Antonio Brown.
Oh. So I don't know how to apply it this weekend.
All I know is that in the last couple weeks of the season and in the playoffs, the Steelers, the Raiders, the Bills, and the Patriots have all been eliminated. So I'm thinking the Ravens have his cousin, Hollywood Brown, on the team.
Is that going to be in effect here? The 49ers were always linked to be one of the teams going for Antonio Brown in fact I think the Packers as well yeah and the Texans and the he said he wanted to go to like the Chiefs the Texans the Ravens and the Panthers so bet on the Seahawks safe Seahawks and Titans Seahawks and Titans are safe and Vikings also second thing, do you think we're going to get a picture of Derek Henry and Mark Ingram at coin toss standing next to each other like they did back at Alabama? Yes. That was the original Aaron Judge and Jose Altuve picture.
The best. The best, yes.
That picture, you cannot believe they played the same position at the same school. And Mark Ingram's just looking at him like, what the fuck? Yeah.
God damn it. This is crazy.
All right. Firefest.
Hank, why don't you start? You love Firefest. What's up, boys? Nope.
It's Henry Lockwood. That's not it.
My Firefest this week is that fantasy fuck boys is over and this stupid segment is still going. Why are you doing a different voice for your own name? Firefest is the airing of grievances.
You can just say whatever you want. Firefest documentary is like two years old at this point.
I know. That's great.
I know. That's great.
We're keeping it alive. It's ironically fun now.
So people don't get Firefested. My pre-Firefest is that we have a flight on Sunday for New Orleans at 8.30 and we all have middle seats.
Actually, I heard Bubba doesn't. Oh, good.
He probably won't make the flight anyway. Yeah, he probably will miss the flight.
Yeah, my Fyre Fest is that time that Bubba will miss the flight. Good for Bubba.
Good for Bubba. What's your, Bubba, what is your alarm system set up for New Orleans? Because this is kind of one you can't miss.
Although the last one was very much can't miss as well. Yeah, this is definitely my Fyre Fest.
I've been terrified about it since you texted us. I've been thinking about it.
I have an alarm clock. You had one last time.
No, that was on my phone last time. Oh, you got a real alarm clock? Yeah.
Old school. Go back, back.
Do you know how to set it? Yes. Have you used it already? Mickey's hand is the big one is the minute hand.
Okay, so you have that. You're going to do your phone alarm.
Do you have any backups? Yeah, I might do a laptop, too. You're going to do a laptop? A laptop alarm is an insane move.
How long does it take to shut that one down? I think that's the most important one. Yeah, are you going to do beers Saturday? Yeah.
How many beers? A gajillion beers or infinity beers? We'll see. Do you have a window in your bedroom? Two.
Two? Fancy pants. Damn.
Keep the blinds open. Yeah.
That would also help. Just sleep with the window open entirely.
Yes. Yes.
Oh, no. Right when you go to bed at like two in the morning after you do all those beers, light a very small fire underneath your bed.
There's no chance you'll miss. miss you chug a full bottle of water before you go to bed you won't have hangover oh that's a good call and you also have to wake up to piss yeah or bubba you can swat yourself and call the swat team and be like hey at 7 30 tomorrow what time do you have to wake up 7 a.m 6 30 let's call it 6 At 6.30 tomorrow morning, I'm going to be taking myself hostage.
Please come in and rescue me. Take a time-release Adderall at 4 in the morning.
Addernap. Yeah.
Addernap? Yeah, I used to have to do that when I landscaped. That sounds unsafe.
I'd have to wake up at 6.30, so I'd set my alarm for 4, go back to sleep, and then when my alarm went off at like 6, I would fucking... Be ready to roll It's like a suit.
You got this? You got this? You sure? Yeah. Maybe just don't go to sleep.
Actually, what you do is you would just not go to sleep, then you'd fall asleep at 6.15 and just sleep all the way through. Yep.
All right. That is my fire fest waiting for it.
Good luck and Godspeed, Bubba. Yeah, my real fire fest is Jumpsuit January, and Hank's not wearing a jumpsuit today.
That's not true at all. Hank, that's against the spirit of Jumpsuit January.
I am wearing a jumpsuit. If you go to barswoolgold.com slash PMT, I'm wearing New Zealand Breakers jumpsuit.
No, my actual Fyre Fest is that people are hating on whatever we don't have, the zipper in the middle for Jumpsuit January. Let us be comfortable.
Let us be comfortable. PFT, what's your fire fest? My fire fest of the week is I worked myself into having expectations, into putting expectations on myself, and to actually caring about something that I meant to not care about.
Something that I was doing as a complete joke absolutely backfired on myself, and now I have have put actual pressure and I have real goals and desires that will

serve to do nothing but disappoint me if I don't

hit them. What PFT is talking about is

his HIV test that he's waiting

to get the results back from. Yeah

so I'm really hopeful that I've got the

I've got the Hiv so I can

I can be on the cocktail. No

what it is the

XFL you'll recall them being in the news

this week because they've got rule changes and all

that stuff coming out. Don't like the numbers

I'm going to go know my football numbers. Yeah, the go for two.
Your go for two system is. Go for three.
Go for two. You always go for two in this system.
No, you go for three from the 10 i don't know new numbers fuck me up okay so here here's what really messed me up and this is a big fire fest for my own brain is um they approach us about doing some some advertising like some sort of uh partnership between part of my take our barstool and the xfl uh they suggested as a joke that the DC team they don't have a kicker right now.

They've got a punter who's also doing their kicking.

And I was like, I could try out for that.

I could just try out to be the kicker. That'd be a fun

thing for me to do, ironically.

And they're like, sure, go for it.

Well, I started practicing

and I used to kick

back in the day. And I

was good at one point. And then I just stopped doing it for the last like 10 12 years something like that um I started practicing and now I actually think that I'm going to make the team so your fire fest is my own brain you're telling everyone that you're good at kicking and no in my own brain I know I'm not good enough at kicking to make the team but I'm thinking you are there's a could happen.
Why not? I've been really trying. I've been like, I'm going to be very disappointed if I don't.
I think I can do it. We went down to Atlanta yesterday secretly to get some training in with an expert.
There's going to be a video coming out next week of it, and I actually believe in myself, and that is the biggest Fyre Fest that you could ever imagine. Never believe in yourself ever.
But now I believe in myself. I actually believe in myself.
And that is the biggest fire fest that you could ever imagine. Never believe in yourself.
Never believe in yourself. But now I believe in myself.
I actually think I'm not. This is not a publicity stunt anymore.
I want to be a professional football player. I want to make this team.
And I believe that. Are we calling that? I believe that I can get paid.
Yes. Okay.
Yeah. I mean, I believe in you.
I believe in you. I believe in myself.
I believe in you. And it's a very dangerous thing.
Yes. I'm allowing myself to be hurt.
Yeah. Okay, so no one hurt him.
Please don't. If you fuck up, Hank, if he fucks up, can you please make sure, do actually know this, Bubba or Jack, please go through all the last year and a half of part of my takes and pull out every time he talked about the double doink.
Thank you. Oh, I'm not.
I'm not going to double doink. No, no, no.
But if you fuck up, I make sure you please do that. I live life down the middle.
Thank you. Thank you.
All right. PR one on one.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I did my fire fest.
Which was what was the jumpsuit January. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. PR one on one.
Oh, you were mad because you thought I was going to have to do one, even though you have to do one. Maybe that will be the new Firefest punishment that Hank just has to do on every single day.
PR 101. John Beeline.
Whoops. Oops.
Yeah, whoops. So he was addressing the Cleveland Cavaliers, called them, said that they are no longer playing like thugs.
No, he said slugs. No, he said thugs.
He meant to say slugs. Slugs.
Which is even saltier. Slugs.
He should have said, I meant to say sluts. I meant to call you guys all sluts, Kevin Love.
I know you like your primo box. Damn.
Yeah, so he's in hot water. I think, I mean, the big takeaway from this is that his team went to the media with it afterwards, and they clearly don't like him.
No. If they're going to put this out there.
Yeah. So who knows whether or not he meant to say, that's a classic old person mistake, is to just use a completely different noun.
Yes. Happens all the time.
Well, I was happy to see it just because for once this entire NBA season, Jim Boylan is not the worst, dumbest coach in the NBA. There was one moment where John Beeline did something that was dumber than everything that Jim Boylan has done right well he would have had to have film review sessions with his team for him to be able to say that right so right that's a good that's a benefit to being a lazy coach um so yeah he's in I don't know how he's going to stick around as a head coach if they don't like him enough that they're already like leaking this stuff to the press well it's spin zone for him is that the team is not good so maybe they're rebuilding so none of those guys will be there yeah that's a good point so except for delhi i can't believe he called delhi a thug yeah he did you know what you know delhi in the eyes i'm on the cav side yeah i'm out it's uh it's very that hire still kind of i mean he's a very good coach very good coach it was very good for michigan but i don't know i think that there i think it's like tougher and tougher to be an old guy going into pro leagues these days and like talking to a bunch of like 22 year olds yeah i would have stayed in college yeah because in college they have no choice yep if they call if your coach calls you a slug or guess what you can enter the transfer portal but then you can't play i'm sure mike leach has actually called his players slugs before.
Oh, absolutely. Usually, like, earlier in the morning.
He's called his players slugs and his players girlfriend slugs. Yes.
Yeah, absolutely. The other PR 101 is for the royal family because Prince Harry and Meghan Markle just decided to quit.
Which I didn't know you could do. Can we explain it to Hank, the royal family? Me and PFT were talking about this yesterday, and I don't...
Yeah, it's just basically there was one king in England, and then he kept on having sex with his brothers, sisters, cousins, whatever, what name you. They all had sex with each other.
They're family trees of vine. Yeah, and they all then started having...
They have kings, but they also have democracy. Hemophilia.
So how does that work? Where they bump into tables, and they get... Well, that's why we went.
Well, 1776, dude. That was the whole thing.
The whole thing was to not have a king. We said we're not going to be under your thumb anymore.
But they don't have a king anymore either. They have a queen.
The United States of America. But they also have democracy.
But they will have a king when the queen dies. Right.
But they also vote for shit. Correct.
So what does the king do? It's just a figurehead. You because they do have a democracy, but they've also got a royal family.
The royal family is still in charge. The democracy is all fake.
So they are pretending that they're on the up and up, that it's the will of the people. But in reality, they're still depending on the inbred guys that bleed out when they bump their knee on a table.
Yes. So that's what's going on over there.
I actually think that this is a big stay woke. Markle and Harry, I think that they're moving to Canada.
I think that this is the British monarchy trying to retake over Canada. Because they're still on the money over there.
It's a queen's face on a $20 mark or whatever they call it. 20 loons for a queen, you say.
And so they're still on the money. What is going to be the most popular, most valuable piece of property in the world as it gets warmer and warmer and warmer? Iceland.
Greenland is one. And then Canada.
Canada is like four Greenlands put together. Siberia.
Four Greenlands put together. Antarctica.
So you're going to see like Newfoundland is going to be basically Ibiza a visa Newfie in about 50 years. It's going to be beachfront property everywhere.
So that's what they're doing. Yes.
This is the United Kingdom trying to retake over and establish dominance over Canada. It's tough to go come back from like when Harry's like, yeah, I'm leaving because you killed my mom and you're not going to kill my wife.
That's a pretty compelling argument. Is that what he said? Yeah.
Oh, I don't know if he said that exactly exactly but that's pretty much like what's behind it okay yeah so and the uh the brits are not happy because they're looking at megan markle and being like you you are convincing him you've turned him you've brainwashed yeah what she did she was just american as fuck yeah that's exactly what we did in 1776 she's like i'm not doing these we were in crumpets every day exactly pretending that when Pretending when the queen farts, pretending it didn't happen. It smells good.
You know that happens in the Buckingham Palace. When the queen farts, everyone has to go, oh, toodaloo.
That smells like roses. Infallible like the Pope.
Right. Can't have that.
I agree. Also, a little distraction to take away from all the Epstein stuff that's going on with the royal family right now.
Yeah, true, true. So just stay very woke on this.
All right, we'll finish up with FAQs. By the way, I want to do a quick reading, and you can tell me who wrote this.
It was one of my favorite tweets I've seen in a while. So it was, yeah, what are you going to say? It was Hank.
No, I also said to PFT we should do a segment that's just best tweet of the year. Okay, well, this one might be the best tweet of the year so far.

Like many, I've been following the news involving the attacks on Al-Assad bases in Iraq by Iran. Also, I've been checking hoop news, and four teams should get a tip of the hat.
Rutgers, Providence, Maryland, Boston College. They had W's over Penn State, Marquette, Ohio State, and yes, Virginia.
it's Rothstein like but I don't think that Rothstein would ever pay

enough attention to international over Penn State, Marquette, Ohio State, and yes, Virginia.

It's Rothstein-like, but I don't think that Rothstein would ever pay enough attention to international politics to even be on that bid.

Iran doesn't show up on the Ken Palm.

No, Iran is like, he's probably going to incorporate that in.

It's going to be more life-changing than a summer in Iran,

comparing it to University of Minnesota basketball.

That is Dickie V, Yes. Our hero.
Yes. So just seamless transition.
Just packing two tweets into one. Yeah.
Who couldn't. I mean, who doesn't think Iran World War three Rutgers huge win against Penn State.
All right, Hank, let's finish up FAQs. Are there any unwritten rules in the Barstool office that everyone knows but is not really talked about? Also, do you guys have any unwritten rules during the podcast or any pet peeves about each other? Wait, unwritten rules in the office? Yeah, like, I don't know.
Like, only Mantis is allowed to sleep here. Only Mantis is allowed to jerk off with his fleshlight in the green room.
One drink per pre-show is allowed. Yes, yes, that's a ground, but that's kind of written.
written yeah that was written in our documents that you signed you signed that contract um don't touch my pile if you're not you guys can touch my pile but other people newbies civilians can't touch my pile that's pretty much it i don't know do we have unwritten rules i don't think they're all unwritten because we're not real literate we don't write things down very often. How much time is spent in the studio recording on a show day? 14 hours.
Well, 14 hours per person per person. So we're not all in here at the same time.
We've got a team of six editors, two writers, three fact checkers. So cumulatively, I'd say what? Like 200 hours.
Yeah, 200 hours per episode go into this show. Currently a senior at Washington State and was wondering at first glance who would be a good fit to replace Mike Leach.
Washington State. Ryan Leaf.
Yep, that's it. He's on the up and up.
That's it. He is.
As far as Wazoo, is that what they call it? Wazoo grads. Ryan Leaf is the only one I can name off the top of it.
Garner Minshew's dad. Oh, yeah.
Oh, Drew Bledsoe. Yep.
Okay. They've got some options out there.
Yeah, that's about it. Yeah.
I mean, if you can beat, anyone that can beat Washington once every five years, that's who they're looking for right now. That's all they need.
If running was good for you, why aren't all the world's oldest people former marathon runners? It's typically some little old lady that looks like she makes bomb soup and can barely move. Yeah, running isn't good for you, why aren't all the world's oldest people former marathon runners?

It's typically some little old lady that looks like she makes bomb soup and can barely move.

Yeah, running isn't good for you.

No one should ever think running's good for you.

You know what's good for you?

A brisk walk.

So, I mean, if you look back at cavemen, the only times they were running was to get away from animals, right?

So it was just high stress.

As far as I'm concerned, your heart only has a finite amount of beats programmed into it at birth it's like eggs in a woman so like i don't want to raise my heart rate too high yeah because then it's not going to be around to beat when i'm past the age of 70 the first marathon the reason why it's 26 point what one 26.2 two marathons because it was it was uh ran until someone died and they died at 26.2. And that's how Caesar died.
Yep. That's crazy.
You know what's also more health effective than actually running a marathon? Putting the sticker on the back of your car that you've run a marathon. Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. Because then everyone's like, hey, you're a good person.
And that raises your natural, good, happy chemicals. Yeah, there's no way running's good.
It's bad on your knees, your hips, all that stuff. Don't do it.
Sup, Daddy Cat, fart noise, and hennies. Rank how stressed you get on these days when you bet on them.
The first NFL Sunday of the year, first day of March Madness, College Bowl Week, and AFC Championship, AFC-NFC Championship Day. First day of March Madness.
Because there's just so much that can go wrong, and if it goes wrong, you're... But you can be already fucked, and then there's still the 7 o'clock and 11 o'clock.
I get myself more fucked. Right.
That's what I'm saying. You can be fully fucked, and there's still two full slates of matchups.
Right. And another day.
You can be in a hole and look up out of the hole and be like, how am I going to get out of this hole? And thenops it's also a sinkhole you just fall to the middle of the earth first day of march madness occasionally doesn't it coincide sometimes with saint patrick's day sometimes right around there uh that is the start of the drunkest weekend of the year for many people yes i really enjoy that first day march mass yes you can get into a sinkhole but since you have three days after it no that sinkhole then becomes, the sinkhole then becomes even more of a sinkhole. That's what I like about it.
Now you're digging to China. That's what I like about it.
I just got it. Fart noises.
PFT. Ah.
Okay. Makes sense.
Yeah, I don't know about that. Yeah.
Last question. How smart would you guys be if all the time you spent watching slash thinking slash playing sports, you spent reading instead? Genius.
i be genius level i think about that all the time jeopardy jeopardy status not jeopardy status i don't have great memorization but uh i would be way more literate i would i speak so much better everything would be easier i'd like probably be able to deal with uh all of life's issues coping mental maturity mental maturity is one thing but as far as being literate i think you read more when you're watching television you're always looking at the bottom line at the scores at the stats looking at twitter you're actually reading and and people that say like oh this generation doesn't read enough we're texting all the We're looking at Twitter. We read more now than we did 50 years ago.
Yeah. Someone needs to put an entire book on Twitter as a thread, but don't tell me about it.
Very important. And I'll accidentally just read the whole thing.
Call me Ishmael. One of 7,364.
And then whoops. I just read an entire book.
Yep. Someone please do that for me.
Is that it? All right.

We'll see everyone in New Orleans.

Good luck gambling this weekend.

Good luck with everything.

Good luck if your team is in it.

And, yeah, we'll see everyone in New Orleans

on Monday night for the national championship.

Love you guys.

Tighten up. I know I, I must say I've faded away Today's another day to find you shying away

I'll be coming for your lover, okay

I'll be coming for your lover, okay

Come on, I'll be me Thank you. Take it on me.

Take it on me. Thank you.
I'm needless to say, I've always said it, but I'll be in some little way, early learning that life is okay. Say out to me, it's better to be safe than sorry.
Say out to me, I'll be coming for your love again Take a moment

Take a moment

Take a moment

Take a moment Take on me

Take on me

Take on me

Take on me Be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, be on, I love you.