Jim Gaffigan, Coaching Carousel + Don't F*ck With Cats Documentary Review

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In the Champions League quarterfinals, every decisive moment gives you goosebumps.

I get those goosebumps every time.

Osho has been ruthless.

The UEFA Champions League quarterfinals stream every match live, exclusively on Paramount Plus.

On today's Pardon My Take, we have the very funny Jim Gaffigan in studio.

He has a new movie out January 17th on Amazon Prime called Troop Zero.

We also have some coaching carousel updates, hot seat cool throne, and we're doing a review, a documentary review.

I realize, PFT, the last documentary review we did was abducted in plain sight.

So we really just only reviewed the most fucked up documentaries possible.

Just crime documentaries.

So we'll do that at the very end of the show.

So if you have not watched it yet, you can save that part.

If you have, make sure you listen to it.

It's the documentary review of Don't Fuck With Cats.

We're going to get right back to the show.

In the Champions League quarterfinals, every decisive moment gives you goosebumps.

I get those goosebumps every time.

Oscillal has been ruthless.

The UEFA Champions League quarterfinals stream every match live, exclusively on Paramount Plus.

All right, back to part of my take.

Okay, let's go.

Now in the street, there is violence.

And then a lot of sound work to be done.

No place behind a low washing.

And then I can't blame all on the sound.

Oh no, we're gonna rock it down to Elite Shake Avenue.

And then we'll take it higher.

Oh, we're gonna rock down to elections.

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Today is Wednesday, January 8th, and we're on the coaching carousel.

The Wikipedia for Joe Judge has been Googled about 7 billion times today.

Everyone has figured out who he is.

He's the new Giants head coach.

So he's a special teams guy.

Yeah.

So you have to compare him immediately to John Harvaugh and say, okay, this guy could work because not enough special team guys get opportunities, but he was also the wide receivers coach, too.

So he's like a.

How are the wide receivers for the Patriots?

They're great this year.

They're really, really good.

Very strong.

Okay, so Joe Judge goes to the Giants.

He's also the special teams coordinator, too.

Yeah.

That's the first thing.

Like John Harvaugh, right?

And also the wide receivers coach.

Yes.

So it was a fun day.

I don't even know.

The coaching carousel is always.

It's fun for

your, if you're looking for the new coach, it's fun because it's that ray of like light, the light at the end of the tunnel.

Oh, if we get a new coach, everything will be fixed.

It's also actually fun for everyone else because no matter who gets hired, you can just bash them.

Yeah, it'd be like, Matt Ruhl, that's a terrible hire.

It was also a big time Domino's falling

today because it was like Matt Ruhl was going to go up to New York for his second interview after he interviewed with the Panthers.

The Panthers wouldn't let him get on the plane.

They kidnapped him in Charlotte and they said, You're not going anywhere.

DeAndre Jordan,

you're going to sign with us.

Yeah.

So he signed with them.

And then right afterwards, the Giants were like, fuck, we got to hire somebody too.

Make it look quick.

Yeah, make it look like this guy was our guy all along.

So they got judged after not being able to hire.

And then after they got judge, guess who got on a plane up to New Jersey?

Jason Garrett.

Jason Garrett went on to play.

Princeton Grant.

Well, I should say

the New York Giants contacted Jerry Jones for permission to interview Jason Garrett for their offensive coordinator job, which I guess Jerry, if I'm Jerry, I'm saying fuck no.

No.

You're not interviewing my fired head coach.

You're my best friend.

Yeah, you're not getting my sloppy seconds.

Yeah,

you cannot interview my life partner, Jason Garrett.

Shout out to Adam Schefter for carrying the water for the Giants.

That was an exceptional job by him.

So Matt Ruhl gets hired by the Panthers, and all Giants fans naturally are freaking out because they're like, that was our number one pick.

We wanted Matt Ruhl.

Adam Schefter goes on to say there has been this perception that Matt Rule was Giants' top candidate.

More accurate is that he was amongst the top candidates from multiple conversations with people dating back days.

There was as much interest in Josh McDaniels and Eric Biennemy and Joe Judge, even this AM.

So great job by Adam Schefter.

He essentially swooped in.

He did the best friend move where it's like, hey man, like you just went through a breakup.

Can I tell you the truth?

I kind of fucking hated her.

Like, you know what?

She wasn't even that hot.

I'm surprised he didn't put like all all the best Dave Gettelman out there.

Because he obviously very much copied and pasted that from the quote machine himself.

Yeah, we didn't even want that guy.

Are you serious?

Like, come on.

Wait, who?

What's his name again?

Oh, you thought I was interested in her?

Oh, the guy from Baylor.

From Baylor?

Baylor?

Oh, you know about the history of Baylor?

I don't know about Baylor.

The guy who spit on himself?

Yeah, no, no, thank you.

By the way, so good job, Adam Schafter.

I don't know what Dave Gettelman texted you, and you were like, yep, got it on it.

I'm going to make sure that you look like you're getting your guy.

I'm very excited to see how Matt Rule fits in on that sideline down Carolina because like, so you got Cam Newton possibly the swaggiest or he thinks he's a swaggy, most fashioned forward quarterback in the NFL.

And then Matt Ruhl, who wears a smock.

And the two of them together are going to make quite the do actually, you know what?

Cam Newton calls himself Superman, right?

Yeah.

Matt Ruhl basically wears a cape backwards all the time, just like a giant bib over himself for puffy for spinning purposes.

Yeah, the puffy vest one.

And we like to consider ourselves eyeball test guys to figure out like, is this guy a football guy?

Is this guy a head coach?

Matt Ruhl, just looking at him, I would say no, but he's proven himself to be a pretty good coach.

Yes, he's turned around temple, turned around Baylor.

He's like the turnaround machine.

Right, so he's like, he's undercover almost.

He's like an undercover football guy that you would not expect.

Because if you look at him, just his appearance, if you see him on a sideline, you think, oh, that's the guy that wears the giant orange mittens that steps on the field to let you know when to cut to commercial break.

Yeah.

He has the guy with

antenna and everything behind him.

You know, the bull that's walking around behind him that's trying to get the reception.

I think that's my favorite job, by the way, on it.

And if I'll sideline, is the orange mitten guy?

Let him go.

So Matt Ruhl is a football guy.

And I say that because we actually...

Funny enough, we're supposed to have Matt Ruhl in studio a couple weeks ago, and it fell through, but we were texting with him, and I think he'll eventually come on.

But we were at the point where we were like set he was going to come in, and I did some research.

Matt Ruhl, he used to at Temple throw coffee in his face to pump up his team.

Okay.

That's a football guy move.

And when he really is the turnaround machine, like he went from one and 11.

And if you read all the stories, when he went to Temple, they had, when he went to Temple as an assistant, they had nothing.

So he turned around Temple, and he, to get them tougher, he went and did like bowl in the ring drills with his defensive lineman.

I love it.

So he is a football guy.

He went to Baylor.

He turned it around.

And if you are looking for positives, because obviously the negative is he spits on himself and he looks like an idiot in his smock.

Positives, positives.

He looks as cool in a smock as you can look at.

Well, we're going to be fair.

We're going to do the positive negative for each coaching hire.

So positive, I actually would feel more comfortable getting a Matt Rule type than like an Urban Meyer or even a Nick Sabin, who Nick Sabin a little bit, maybe less, but Matt Ruhl did more with less.

You know what I mean?

Temple is not really a football powerhouse.

Baylor was obviously in kind of a disaster zone.

So he wasn't beating guys with just going out and getting all the recruits and being a Clemson and

an Alabama and a powerhouse.

He was beating them, I would assume, with at least some X's and O's.

So I think that's a good hire.

Yeah, and also the fact that he was able to recruit in Texas.

Yeah.

So and by omission, now that Matt Rule is gone, does that make Texas more back?

Since they don't have to go after the same recruits now.

But like being able able to go into Texas and be at Baylor, coming off what they were coming off of, and be able to recruit and out-coach a lot of those Big 12 guys.

Yep.

Yeah, I think he's a very, he's probably a very good hire.

But he spits on himself.

But he spits on himself.

But he looks like Vincent D'Anofrio, if you filled in his gaps of the DNA with Gary Coleman.

Maybe a little, sprinkle a little Vince Vaughan on top.

Just like a shrunken

Vincent, if Vincent D'Anofrio played an Oompa Loompa.

Yeah.

So Joe Judge, the next coaching hire that we will judge here, the Giants head coach.

So

negatives, everyone had to Wikipedia who Joe Judge was.

And he is a special teams coach and a wide receiver coach where the wide receivers weren't very good.

Positives, he was born out of Bill Belichick and Nick Saban's brain.

True.

So he basically coached under both those guys.

Also, negative, he went to college at Mississippi State.

So probably not that talented.

Yeah, big negative on that one.

So Joe Judge,

if you look at the special teams, he basically just told Slater, go be awesome.

Yeah.

Slater, go recover a bunch of fumbles.

Luckily, cool name.

Oh, here's something positive.

All of you Yankees Giants fans, you can just keep showing up to games with a gavel and the hair.

Yeah, and it's also great for New York Daily News headline writers.

Yes.

Like, here comes the judge.

Yes.

Judge, jury, and executioner.

Yes.

There's all sorts of ways that you can go with it.

Somebody pointed out to me today: if they draft the wide receiver from Alabama, you can say, Judge Judy.

Ooh, that's good.

And then you get Harbaugh rooting for your team.

I went and looked back at the Ben McAdoo hire and the most hilarious suit of all time.

And

the Daily News headline was Taylor-Made, which is it's a once-in-a-lifetime chance for McAdoo, who seems to be perfect fit for giants despite oversized suits.

He was wearing basically Kirk Heinrich's suit when he got drafted.

Yeah, he was wearing the Hay Clockwood's wedding suit.

That's true.

Yeah, a combination of the two.

So, yeah, you know what?

I've got to stare down for that one.

We've also omitted the biggest coaching hiring news of the day.

Oh.

and that's the Washington R-Words hired Scott Turner to be their offensive coordinator.

Oh, they're going to say Mike McCarthy to the Cowboys.

No,

Mike McCarthy to the Cowboys.

Well, also the North Turner, or the Scott Turner thing, John.

Scott Turner, yes, yes.

From Carolina, reuniting with Ron Rivera.

But then, I think it was like maybe eight hours.

As we got off recording the show on Sunday night, Jerry Jones was in the process of having a sleepover

with Mike McCarthy.

And they said that he.

They said he wouldn't let him leave his house.

Nope.

It was Jerry.

it's cold outside situation.

McCarthy is like, you know, I got to go get on a flight.

And Jerry's like, boy, you ain't going anywhere.

Yeah, you're staying here.

Yeah, yeah, cold is.

This is the new coaching way, though.

Blanket on you.

To get your coach, you have to kidnap him.

Matt Rule was kidnapped by the Panthers, and now Jerry Jones kidnapped Mike McCarthy.

It's a great hire for Jerry Jones because he basically just hired a fatter Jason Garrett.

Like, he, he, you think Mike McCarthy's going to steal the show in Dallas?

You think he's going to make the headlines?

You think Mike McCarthy's going to give a press conference?

It's like, look at that guy.

He is a dynamic speaker.

Mike McCarthy, he works to the rules.

So he works the hours that he's supposed to work, and then he's not going to go like talking out of school, giving quotes or extra interviews to new quarters.

He's not going to get in the way of Jerry's storyline that he's got going.

I do think that he's an upgraded physically and emotionally version of Jason Garrett to the point where he would resemble the guy that cucks Jason Garrett.

Like Jason Garrett would build him a fuck shed in his own backyard for him and his wife is what I'm saying.

Mike McCarthy like a more alpha version yes he doesn't wear a smock he wears the poncho the classic McCarthy like just flat no wrinkles it goes down to his knees he's gonna look hilarious in that cowboy blue and and something to keep an eye out for is his face is asymmetrical so his eyes seem to be getting closer and closer together as years go on but he may he'll be like smiling with one side of his face and frowning with the other so it's gonna be him and dak so he has to team up with dak i thought he did an okay job with aaron rodgers in retrospect In retrospect,

you have to, like,

no, this is me admitting that Aaron Rodgers is probably more of a personal issue.

I thought he wants to be a good one.

If you asked any Packer fan, though, and this is, let's just say that Aaron Rodgers is not going to win another Super Bowl.

The fact that Mike McCarthy had Aaron Rodgers that type of talent and they only won one, he's an okay coach.

But, I mean, the NFC championship loss to the Seahawks was inexcusable every single way.

They've settled for field goals.

He turtled.

Like, that meltdown was an all-time meltdown.

I don't know if that's all on him.

No, no.

Do you not remember?

That was a big time on him.

There was an on-side kick that bounced.

Way past all the field goals.

There was a touchdown or two-point conversion that Russell Wilson threw 30 yards across the field.

Way past all the field goals.

That's not on Mike McCarthy.

It's not all on Mike McCarthy.

It was a lot.

If you go back and you watch the end of the game, it's not all on Mike McCarthy.

But that end of the game doesn't happen if you don't do what Mike McCarthy did all leading up to it.

That's fair to say that.

He basically left the door open for all those crazy things to happen.

So, and, you know,

he just didn't, I don't think he won enough with Aaron Rodgers.

And however that ended, he's an okay coach.

I don't know.

We were saying, I think we were saying this on Sunday.

Like, the NFL is probably three or four difference-maker coaches.

Then there's 20 guys who are all kind of interchangeable.

That's Mike McCarthy.

And then four or five guys that will actively hurt your team.

I want to know what Mike McCarthy said.

Like, what do you say on a sleepover with an owner?

Do you talk about football with him the whole time?

Does he talk about his computer folks, his eight guys, his analyst team that he's planned out?

Did you see that interview with him?

Yeah.

Where he's like, I'm ready to run

with SEAL Team Math.

He had everyone come over to all the old coaches came over to his house every day, and they would practice like they were game planning.

It was very sad.

Yeah.

So that's, I mean, that's what John Gruden did.

John Gruden opened up a business called

The Fired Football Coaches of America, and they just hung out in a strip mall and watched film all day.

day, which actually sounds pretty awesome.

Sounds pretty awesome.

I have a question for you, PFT.

Remember the Rooney Rule?

Yes.

Does that still exist?

For which team?

For all of them.

Well, so they interviewed Marvin Lewis in Dallas.

They did?

Yeah.

Okay.

And remember, because he said that he was going to bring in Hugh J.

Marvin Lewis was making demands,

which is an interesting move for Marvin Lewis to be making.

What about Carolina?

Carolina,

I don't know who they've interviewed.

They might have interviewed Bienname, right?

Okay.

And then, yeah.

So the Rooney Rule, I think.

Yeah, yeah,

I was just like, huh, that seems quick.

The Rooney Rule is one of those weird things that it's like, it's good in theory, but it also leads to a lot of situations where people get brought in to interview for jobs that they're not going to get.

Yeah, it was the thought that just crossed my mind.

I was like, oh, yeah, remember the Rooney Rule?

This seems like, you know, all these coaches just happened very quickly.

But, yeah, credit to everyone for finding a coach.

Now we have, what, the Browns left?

The Browns.

And I say that the Browns should just get them.

They're going to pick of the letter.

Yeah, good for them.

This was their strategy always.

They waited everyone out.

Yeah, let them all fight.

Let them all negotiate against themselves.

You got this, man.

And so basically, they've got Josh McDaniels on their list.

They should just not have a coach next year.

They should just let Josh McDaniels run the whole thing.

They should go.

They should go Lord of the Flies and just say, okay, there's no coach.

You guys decide what to do.

You think you all know what to do?

Odell player coach.

Give it a chance.

Odell player coach.

Miles Garrett will be like, what's his name from Lord of the Flies?

Smashes Baker Mayfield over the head like Piggy.

Yes, Piggy.

Piggy.

Piggy, Piggy.

Which was, he was the fat kid.

Yeah, The Beast is played by Swagger Jr.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, so Browns, good luck.

You can fuck this up still, but you literally have no competition left for a head coach.

And I'm very excited.

There's no one else who can take it.

I'm very excited because Josh McDaniels and Tom Brady Photoshops are going around like it's the highest.

Oh, man.

Just feed me every single Tom Brady and Josh McDaniels Photoshop.

Hank, you got any updated thoughts now that the dust has settled?

You feeling okay?

Feeling better, worse?

Yeah, I feel great.

On to next year.

Rooting for the Titans still?

Okay.

Big Titans fan.

Titan up.

All right.

Titan up.

You always have been a boys guy.

Yeah.

For the boys.

For the boys.

Hell yeah.

For the boys.

All right, let's do some hot seat cool throwing.

Watch you start, Hank.

My hot seat, not to get sad over here, but the boat.

What?

The current

current

Bodhi.

Bodhi.

Blake of the Year.

Oh.

Blake of the Year.

Okay.

Jesus Christ.

I talked to him about Aaron Rodgers.

That was previous Bodhi, Blake Griffin.

I mean, mean, Blake Bortles, but Blake Griffin had season-ending surgery today.

So it's time to ask, is there a Blake of the Year curse?

You've got Griffin, Bortles, and Bortles, adulterated.

That's what I meant he moved to.

He went bald overnight.

And went bald.

Does this affect him going into this year's competition?

Do you have to be an active athlete?

No.

No, because

Keppk is a golfer.

He's not an athlete.

No, he'll be the first to tell you he's not.

He's back from knee surgery, though.

I actually think this improves his chances at winning Blake of the Year.

Yeah.

Because, I mean, he's going to be sitting around on his couch.

Yeah.

He won't have to pay anyone to hold his phone while he's working out.

Correct.

He's just be chilling.

Right.

My cool throne is Dwayne Wade's retirement tour.

Ah, that's mine, too.

Oh, really?

So you guys.

Fuck.

Did you think Dwayne Wade was already retired?

I did, yeah.

Well, Shams reported today that the Miami Heat will retire Dwayne Wade's number three jersey during a three-day ceremony.

It's Coachella.

Okay.

From Dwayne Wade to February 21st to February 23rd.

Yeah.

February 21st to 23rd, they're retiring Dwayne Wade's jersey.

All three nights.

Is that kind of selling?

I cannot wrap my head around it.

Like, do they, is it, like, are they going to leave the jersey like down for two days and then the next day a little bit higher and then the third day have it be up in the rafters?

Yeah.

It's like the arrow paradox.

It will never get to the top of the rafters because they have to go halfway up and the next day they'll cut that in half and go up.

They'll slowly get it up there.

I mean, I think this is just, you know, you have to sell tickets.

So they're selling tickets by doing a three-day.

Now, they don't have three games.

How is this going to work?

I don't know.

It really is going to be working.

They do not have three games.

So they're selling three games.

Oh, it's just three days.

So it's probably two games, three days, right?

Oh, yeah.

So one of the days is going to be gameless.

Right.

Where people show up to the arena and just hang out.

And probably leave early because it's Miami.

Yeah.

As they raise the...

There's an ass-eating booth.

Ooh, I like that.

You just show up and get your ass eaten.

What?

Breaking loose.

Breaking loose.

I guess it's also a cool throne.

That was a weak cow, by the way, Hank.

You already stole my cool cool throne.

Step the cow up.

We should have won first.

All right, give me this one.

This is from Tom Pellisero.

As Mike McCarthy works to build out his cowboy staff, another familiar name that's being targeted is Jim Tom Sula.

Well, that's cool.

Respected D-line coach would take over a talented group in Dallas.

The Cowboys did call Jeff Fisher.

Did they?

Yes.

To do what?

Just say what's up.

Yeah, wrong number?

No, they were like, hey, we got this guy, Jason Garrett.

We don't know how to get him.

But Dial?

Can you come get Jason Garrett and bring him to Montana?

That would actually.

Yeah, if he was the transporter for fire to eight and eight coaches.

Yeah, yeah.

All right.

I've got a particular set of skills.

TFT, what's your hot seat called?

My hot seat is Max Kellerman

because Stephen A.

Smith is about to fuck him up six ways to Sunday.

Again?

Stephen A.

Smith just announced that he's going on a six-day, excuse me, seven-day apple cider vinegar cleanse.

So Stephen A.

Smith, if you thought he was spicy with his takes when he had a full belly and a good taste in his mouth, well, guess what?

He's going to be on first first take just with a mouth tasting like all kinds of soy sauce.

Oh, man.

And he's going to have an empty belly.

He's going to be sweating.

He's going to be losing a lot of weight, probably.

Yes.

What do the apple cider vinegar cleanses actually do for you?

I think it just makes you hate your life and

not want to live anymore and not eat.

And then you're like, ooh, look at my tummy.

This is one of those things.

It went from a size

six to a size five.

It's one of those things that the billionaires do when they get bored with their lives and they just want to make themselves feel uncomfortable for a little bit.

So it sounds like that's what he's up to right now.

So thoughts and prayers to Max Kellerman because you don't want to deal with an angry, like a hungry dog runs faster.

Yes.

And Stephen A.

Smith, if he's not bottom-feeding,

he's not in those asses.

He's going to get an ass one way or the other.

He's won't diving.

The other hot seat is Aubrey Huff's penis.

So Aubrey Huff

tweeted out a joke about kidnapping Iranian women and flying them home and forcing them to have sex with him.

Classic joke by Aubrey Huff.

And then Pearlman, our friend, he was a guest, right?

Jeff Perlman.

Yes.

Jeff Perlman, he wrote that USFL book.

He tweeted out that when he was a reporter for Sports Illustrated, he saw Aubrey Huff in the locker room and he had the smallest penis he's ever seen.

And then said, Is that slander?

Or is he going to prove it?

Well, he's got to prove it.

Aubrey Huff needs to send out a dick pic to everyone on Twitter.

He doesn't need that.

No, he will.

Trust me.

Aubrey can be talked into sending a dick pic.

And he also said that

I was a Sports illustrated writer in the rays clubhouse after the game interviewing players and when you walked by looking up at your name and thinking jesus christ that toothless yokel has a penis the size of half a pencil

so perlman has been keeping a lot half a pencil hold on hold on hold on i was gonna i was gonna get to that

i was gonna get to that half a pencil is not that so a pencil is what

eight inches yeah so four inches flaccid if four is small we got problems four inches flaccid is not i mean that's not we've got problems.

But I think he's also talking about the girth, which is.

Pencil.

Yeah, pencil.

Pencil-size girth.

Okay.

But it's weird that he kept a log of Aubrey Huff's hog for the last 15 years in his brain.

You should talk to Kevin Millar.

Kevin Millar is.

I'm going to wait for Kevin Millar to confirm the size of Aubrey Huff.

He knows the Aubrey Huffcyclopedia of Penises, MLB penises.

And then my cool throne is the Drake curse.

Oh, yeah.

Because,

well, I guess we'll wait to find out.

But Drake was seen rocking Big Truss gear and giving shout-outs to Lamar Jackson on

his 23rd birthday.

You were about to just crown them championships.

Well,

to be honest with you, I had the Ravens on my hot seats, but then I realized I just did two hot seats.

I think they can beat it.

Oh, okay.

And it would also make sense that Drake would be a supporter of the youngest MVP.

Didn't he already beat it with the Raptors?

Like, the Raptors won.

The Drake curses.

Oh, there we go.

So it's the Drake blessing.

Yeah, right.

Drake's an actual fan of the Raptors.

It's the team that he fucking.

Oh, okay.

Fair.

So Lamar Jackson is his broski,

but Drake's not a Ravens stan.

Is that what I'm hearing?

Right.

Okay, so

I'm still a little bit shaky about that.

I would not be comfortable if I were the Baltimore Ravens right now.

Okay, my hot seats is

bowl season.

We got one left.

Sad.

That is sad.

One left.

There's one left.

How are they still going?

Oh, we had one last night, the Lending Tree Bowl.

It was electric.

The national championship you talked about?

Yeah, the National Championship is the last bowl left.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, that's it.

It's the big one, though.

That's the only one left.

Well, also the FC.

No,

why?

Bulls are boring.

Shut up, Hank.

Why?

Shut up, Hank.

Why?

What's the point?

Hank's fun.

His team loses in the playoffs.

It's fun having competition.

The guys get to practice for an extra three weeks.

That helps your team next year.

They get a gift bag with like a PlayStation Portable in it.

They get like a Best Buy $50 gift card.

Everyone gets some flip-flops.

You get earphone.

Everybody gets like some sort of wireless headphones.

Yeah.

And then you've got that one guy that runs the bowl that makes like $4 million a year for not doing anything.

And they have like the night before where like both both teams do like a who can eat more steak competition

or they like bowl.

It's all great.

You're a jerk.

Hank is ornery.

Hank, did you not like when they were dumping the French fries on the coach that won the potential?

Yeah, what about the smoothie on Ken State's coach?

That was amazing, but that's a gimmick.

What?

What do you mean it's a gimmick?

What about all the CEO commercials that I've been tracking that are very funny when they have to put someone up there who's like a

millionaire who has to speak to the people on a random Tuesday in December about how they're very happy they're watching this bowl game and it's all about the competition when Temple plays Tulane.

Yeah, no, go out and buy a big boy mower.

Yeah.

I'm here for the game gorilla big boy mower company.

Do you think those CEOs even go to the game?

Yeah, that's the

highlight of the year.

I don't know

if you're not sure.

If you're the CEO, you have to go to that game because you get treated like a king.

You actually feel important.

I love bull season.

Bull season is the best.

You just lose your brain just watching meaningless games that you love and you just root for, and there's football on at all times.

You're a jerk.

I'm surprised that you're leaving out the FCS National Championship on Saturday between James Duke.

It's not a bowl.

It's not a bowl.

It should be a bull.

Might as well be.

Yeah, I mean, I'll watch it.

If you don't think I'm going to watch it, I'm going to watch it.

James here, baby.

I'll watch it.

Roll Dukes.

I'll fucking watch it.

Duke Up.

Yeah, that's that's what we're saying.

Duke down.

Duke up.

No.

Big cat, no.

Duke up.

Duke up.

Duke up, down, left, left, right.

What is it?

What was the

cool combat?

I don't remember.

All right, my cool throne is...

Well, Hank stole my cool throne.

Fuck.

Shit.

Can I give you a cool throne?

My cool throne is...

Yes.

My cool throne is PFT's cool throne.

Extra cool throne.

Your cool throne is being generous with your cool thrones.

Yes.

And what you were going to say was the Browns and Bengals fans are on your cool throne.

Oh, because the weed.

Because the weed thing.

You want to go ahead and

get your own thoughts?

A Browns and Bengals fan applied for a medical marijuana card because they are, well, it's two separate people, I would assume, Browns and Bengals fans.

So that is emotional trauma that they need to have a medical marijuana card.

And I don't see any problem with that.

No, the only issue I have with it, I find it hard to believe that there's any Browns fan out there that has been a Browns fan for the last 20 years that would wait for it to become legal to start smoking weed.

You're kind of a nerd.

It's more of a bad boy move to be able to smoke weed while it's still illegal.

I also, like, if you're a Browns fan and you're looking for a medical marijuana card, be careful because you've been smoking some swag.

You've been smoking the seeds at the bottom of the bag.

This shit you're about to smoke, that's going to blow your mind.

So just take it easy.

Yeah, the hydroponics grown from Lake Erie water.

They've been smoking like some stale blunts in

the Mooney lot or like smoking out of a watermelon.

Now you're going to get the real shit with crystals.

Be careful.

That's all I'm going to say.

It's a different drug.

It is a much different drug.

Also, I mean, I actually think it's cooler to go to a state where it's illegal and smoke there.

Oh, you get the

adrenaline of, like, I could get arrested and thrown in jail for 20 years.

I'm sure, like, Alabama and Mississippi will never legalize it.

So

you can always have, there'll always be a state.

It depends.

If their football coach, if Nick Saban were to come out tomorrow and say, me and Miss Terry,

we stopped drinking wine and instead we're smoking Kush.

I'm pretty sure Alabama's state senate would be like, yeah.

Could you imagine Nick Sababab?

Still no dildos, but you can smoke weed.

Could you imagine Nick Sabin like catching a case of the giggles really high?

That would be incredible.

I think you'd pay everything for that.

He gets more focused.

Him just not being able.

Nick Saban uncontrollably giggling.

You know what he does?

That is the most foreign thought you could ever have.

I'll bet Nick Sabin gets high and he pops on film of a recruit and he just stares at him.

There's just like glassy eyes.

Yeah.

Just no emotion.

Just like through the television.

Yeah, absorbing it.

Yeah.

All right.

Let's get to our interview.

We We have Jim Gaffigan, comedian.

You know him.

He's a very famous comedian, very funny guy.

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Okay, here he is, Jim Gaffigan.

Okay, we now welcome on very special guest, a very funny man.

It is Jim Gaffigan.

He has a new movie coming out January 17th.

It is called Troop Zero.

Yes.

Fantastic movie.

A rag tag group.

It's like Bad News Bears,

maybe mixed with, I don't know, some kind of hangover.

Yeah.

But for little girls.

But for little girls.

That's good, right?

And you know, this is the demographic of the show, right?

100%.

It's people that, you know, but this is a feel-good movie.

It's going to be on Amazon Prime,

you know, but it's got a good cast.

Fantastic story, great cast.

So, did you watch it?

Yes, I did.

You did.

Thank you very much.

The preview.

That's good.

But I got the story.

And I like the story.

I am going to watch the whole movie.

I have Amazon Prime.

I have Amazon Prime, and I've seen many advertisements for it on the show.

What did you watch on Amazon Prime?

What have I watched?

I watched the Americans on Amazon Prime.

Man in the High Castle is out of Amazon

in High Castle on news.

You watch it.

You watch Man in the High Castle, and you wish that's what it was like.

Did the Germans won?

That the Germans won.

You know, I'm a big, big anti-Hitler guy.

You don't listen to the podcast, you would know that we are

anti-Nazi.

You boldly are against

the first podcast.

You're watching this.

Yes, we're the first podcast.

That takes a lot of pride not to be.

Listen, you boldly are against it.

Name another sports podcast that has spoken out against disavowed from Nazis.

You know what?

That's what I appreciate the bravery.

Yeah.

You guys go out on it.

Someone's got to be first.

By the way, you'd also like our podcast because we're a 100% clean podcast.

No swearing.

There's no cursing.

No cursing on this podcast.

Well, that's what Jesus would want.

Yeah, there you go.

So you'd like that, right?

I've actually wondered about that.

Back in the day when Jesus was rolling around, were there different cuss words?

I think there was.

So he might have cussed, but it just might have been the evolution of language.

Like maybe love back then meant fuck.

You know that that in Montreal, the curse words are completely different.

They're French.

Well, no, they're not just French.

No, they are like their curse words are like

Catholic things like oost or la tabernacle.

Do I sound like I'm not sure?

Yeah, no, that was perfect actually.

I'm pretty impressed.

I thought they're a hockey town and it might just be NBA.

That's weird.

I'm so glad I'm wearing a diaper right now.

So Troop Zero, did you use, how much of your Colonel Sanders did you you use in Troop Zero?

Not that much of the Colonel Sanders.

Southern accent.

Yeah, because there was like a dialect coach there.

It was a Southern Georgia dialect.

And I couldn't, I mean, we shot this, I don't know, last, I don't know, last summer.

So I don't remember any of it.

Yeah, I was going to say, when you shoot a movie and then it comes out, you're like, oh, I forgot.

I don't remember.

I don't remember.

I remember usually when you're done doing the press, then I remember the movie.

Yeah.

But initially, I'm like, I played a guy that looks like me.

And then by the end, I'm like, oh, yeah, I remember it.

I was looking for some interview prep for this.

I was looking, and I found a ranking of all the Colonel Sanders.

You ranked number two all the time.

I did.

Who was number one?

Number one was Daryl Hammond.

Oh, yeah.

Daryl Hammond was number one.

You beat RoboCop, though.

RoboCop was Colonel Sanders for a minute.

And you also beat Norm McDonald.

Frank Caliendo was in there, right?

Rob Lowe.

Rob Lowe was number 18, so he was the worst.

Was it Rebo?

Really?

Rebo?

Reba Mackines.

Reba Mackins.

Reba Mackens.

Billy Zane, Rudy from Rudy.

Rudy.

I don't know what's really.

Sean Aston.

Sean Aston.

That's, you know, it's like when I was offered it, I mean, that's what people want to hear about.

They want to hear about it.

I actually had to sell a question.

What was that check like?

It was, you know, I donated all the money to my bank account.

No, but that was,

Norm had done it, and Daryl had done it.

And I was like, all right, these are two great comedians.

That's good company.

And I knew that it was eventually they're just going to keep, you know, they're going to have everyone do it.

I did think the premise, I never saw the Reba one, but the premise of having Reba McIntyre do it is funny.

Yes.

It is pretty funny.

So I'm actually a Jim Gaffigan truther.

You're a truther.

I have a conspiracy theory that I'd like to address with you at this moment.

I don't think you actually played football at Georgetown because you say that you played football there, but that's the perfect crime to say that you played football at a school that

and no longer really keeps records of those games back.

Like, I could say I was the starting center on the Hartford Whalers.

There's no way to check it.

They're no longer a team.

Yeah, but like they wouldn't, they wouldn't have.

Is it a co-ed that?

The Hartford Whalers.

But is it the perfect crime?

Because it's not even

rag.

By the way, I'm not saying because I think Joe McHale played like quarterback for us.

And you know, like there are good athletes.

I'm not saying I was a good athlete.

It was Division III.

There were at the time, and now it's Division I, I think, or 1A or whatever.

But at the time, there were plenty of high school teams that could have beaten us.

We were not.

What position did you play?

I played

center.

I was center when I quit.

I quit my junior year.

Smart.

You played with Jim Schwartz.

I did.

Jim Schwartz, all-time football guy.

Yeah.

he is, he loves football, eats football.

And he was very intense then.

But, you know, you look at every coach

and you think, like, you know, but I mean, I love sports.

Probably you guys love it more.

But, like, that's their whole world.

Like, Belichick, he's like, oh, the season's over.

What am I going to do?

Yeah.

Except for continue to think about football.

Right.

We were actually joking the other day that Belichick probably has like a week in February that he sits down with the rule book and spends an entire week going through it.

Oh, absolutely.

Then the next week is, okay, cornerbacks and like all that.

So, do you still watch football?

You like football?

I do.

I went through some, I was very sick of it.

You know, like you do the two a days in August, and you're like, what am I doing?

But I go in and out.

You know, I don't watch it.

I've also got five kids.

I don't watch it as much as I'd like.

And of my five kids, one of them likes to watch it with me.

So I went one for five, sports fan.

That's pretty low, right?

Yeah, that is low.

That's low.

What teams are you a fan of?

Well, I grew up

outside Chicago, but in Indiana.

And then I

kind of migrated to be a Colts fan.

But I like a good NFL game.

Just a good one.

Yeah, just single-just

a good one.

I was into the Jets for a little bit.

But I love this time of year, the playoffs and everything.

I want to know, what do you guys think?

Where is Brady going to go?

Or is this a topic you guys have beaten to death?

No, we actually have.

Thanks to actually our expert, he thinks that he's going to go to Los Angeles, right?

Yeah.

Chargers, stay with the Patriots.

I have a wrinkle.

I know where he's going.

This is like when Rob Lowe broke the news about Peyton Manning.

Oh, really?

Carl Sanders just break news.

Yeah.

This is, I think he's going to the Titans.

Whoa.

Okay.

Because of Rabel?

Yeah.

All right.

Interesting.

Interesting.

They've got a running back.

They've got a good team.

They've got salary cap.

Do I sound like I know what I'm talking about?

Because I don't.

Well, I'm making my head.

I have no idea what the track is.

By the way, I had a root canal an hour ago.

You did?

That shows you how tough I am.

Do they give you any pain medicine?

Yeah, they did.

You want to slide some over?

It doesn't really work.

It's like...

Like, I looked at the pain medication, and it's like ibuprofen.

I'm like, dude, I can get that at the drugstore.

Yes.

Wait, your root canal.

Did you have a cavity and you ignored it?

Because that's what happened to me.

No, I think she told me that I had a cap on it because i'm a hundred years old and that it ended up getting something in there so it was eventually it turned into a it got infected got it got it because i'm a filthy beast yeah you're playing hurt right now i'm playing hurt well i was gonna say i mean i didn't know if it was gonna be a relatable moment like oh you too just

you know like oh i need to go to the dentist but i'm not gonna do it but it sounds like you actually take care of yourself well i also i'm about to travel a lot and i have all these shows in canada and in the maritimes and I don't want to, like,

you know, be on stage doing an hour show with, like, a painful tooth.

I'd rather do it now.

You've perfected the, like,

don't take this the wrong way, the disheveled comedian look where it's

kind of that cool look, like a Dave Vitelle.

Like, they, you know, they come out of the club.

Well, no one's cooler than Davatelle.

Yeah, but they come out of a nightclub.

They're basically nightclub to nightclub look.

I don't know if that was something that you have to be a comedian to get it, or if maybe it's the dad thing.

I think it's just being a slob.

And by the way, I look look around this room and you guys are slobs yeah no you're welcome here we clearly you're like you're a lot of people

yeah i mean i i look like right now i make no effort to look for by the way you guys are gonna look worse as you get older so enjoy the beauty you have and by the way you don't have any no but as you get old how's that possible yeah as you get older really disgusting men turn uglier and uglier how old do you think we are i don't know you guys are probably you're probably 32.

Okay.

You're a hard 28.

It's the beard.

It's the shit.

That was nice.

Hard 28 implies.

These guys,

geez.

I would say

he's 22.

He was an athlete for a little bit.

Oh, he was.

Yes, he was.

He's a rodeo clown.

He's got a picture of Applebee's in Worcester.

He's the facts guy.

He's not an athlete, but his dad's very wealthy.

He's pointing to Jake right now, and he nailed that.

He nailed that out.

And then that guy, I can't see.

oh so he maybe I don't know maybe played hockey he looks like he's

some kind of uh New England or Canadian yeah okay you were close you nailed this we're both 34 34 and how long have you been married 20 years about four years now well actually one year because you got married on and the sunglasses indoor that's because you're like Jim McMahon no I'm dealing with a cornea issue a cornea issue

you got that in your last fight

you got you got hit in the cornea I just smoke a lot of weed

right right in the corner.

He's got an eye issue.

I have an eye issue.

He does.

Some of us can't afford fancy dental and eye insurance like you do since you're in the movies.

I've always actually wondered how that works.

Like, since you are kind of like an independent contractor, that sort of thing, do you have to pay for your own health insurance?

Well, I have health insurance through SAG and then through the Writers Guild.

Okay.

You're double dipping.

I'm double dipping.

I love that.

Well, that's, you know, like sometimes you, if you, because I've also got kids, so I definitely, like, if you don't have kids, you don't care.

You're like,

what's going to happen?

But you're all going to die.

But so, when you have kids, it's kind of important to have eventually.

That's true.

So, you really think we're going to get better looking or worse looking?

Because I've always heard that people guys get better looking, right?

I don't know.

George Clooney?

Well, you know, Brad Pitt.

Those guys are flukes.

That was like a mistake.

Yeah.

So many have said that we're the Brad Pitt and George Clooney podcasting.

Yeah.

So, but I would say that most guys are disgusting, right?

But it's just a known fact, right?

Yes, yes.

And the really good-looking guys kind of look like women, and that's the only way straight guys can tell if somebody's good-looking, right?

Well, he kind of barely looks like a guy.

I get it all the time looking, right?

Yeah, yeah.

I mean,

my looks have definitely fallen off a cliff, that's for sure.

Right.

I need to switch to the black t-shirt.

That's another comedian thing.

You show up to comedy school and they hand you the black t-shirt.

Well, that's just also it's.

I go on stage and I don't want to be

judged by my outfit.

Like, I think if people try really hard in

their outfit, I feel like that's antithetical to what a comedian should be.

Have you ever thought about maybe doing like a heel turn and doing like an Andrew Dice Clay leather jacket thing?

No, I can't pull off a leather jacket.

Yeah.

I look silly.

I look like Richie Cunningham in that leather thing.

I have a real question for you.

Self-awareness.

A real question.

Yes.

Everyone in the world is doing Netflix.

You went against the grain and it worked out great for you.

You basically said, I'm going to do my own thing and not use Netflix.

What made you decide that?

And do you feel like maybe a Trailblazer?

We'll look back and be like, Jim Gaffkin, he was the guy.

Well, no, I think it changes every five years.

But I do have five specials on Netflix.

So it was much easier to

go to, you know,

a different way.

You know, I went to Amazon, but like, it's going to change in five years.

Like, Disney hasn't even gotten into the specials game.

Right.

So, I don't know.

You know, it's, and I've been doing stand-up so long, you know, when it's, when I started, there wasn't YouTube.

You know what I mean?

There wasn't satellite radio.

And I honestly think people underestimate the

well, you guys probably know this better than anyone.

It's like the power of audio streaming is huge.

It's like enormous, like whether it's Spotify or Pandora.

It's like we get end-of-year numbers.

It's insane.

Yeah, it is.

It really is.

I kind of have a serious question, too.

So you're known, you know, you've been doing stand-up for a really long time.

One of the big things that you do during your show is you almost do the voice of a heckler or the third person that's like observing your stand-up material who's criticizing you as you do stand-up.

So it kind of takes the piss out of the audience a little bit because you're saying what maybe your harshest critic might be thinking at the same time.

Have you found that you've had to adjust that at all, given that I feel like in today's day,

hecklers aren't as prevalent in comedy as they used to be?

You know, it's weird because I think it's ever-changing, and it depends on the room.

You know, because like in the UK, they still heckle.

But like, I would say that

there's going to be a trend towards it, back to it.

You know, like the whole roasting

trend has really kind of brought that out too.

And so it depends on the situation and and the cringe guys and you know

you know these guys.

It's a different, you know, it's always changing.

There's pockets of different, I get nervous around you guys.

Yeah, yeah.

It's ever, it's ever changing.

So like the heckling could come back.

Just, you know, it's, it's not as much of an issue.

But speaking for the audience is something that disarms them.

Yeah.

I started it because I'm a slow-talking Midwestern guy.

And when I started in the early 90s it was kind of like going on stage was it was like combat.

You know what I mean?

It was like people were they didn't know how to behave.

They were just used to dice clay, you know what I mean?

Or Rodney Dangerfield where the audience was a willing participant.

And it's it's shifted, but there are pockets where it's different.

You ever thought about doing like a Gallagher thing, smashing fruit on stage?

No, no.

That would be a nice little turn.

People, they miss getting hit in the face with watermelon seeds at comedy shows.

You know, it's, you know, probably in the next 20 years, there will be like some movie where like Tom Hanks will play Gallagher and it will be like.

Everyone will love me all the time.

That guy was a genius.

It's like every, you know, the cycle in America is like build them up, tear them down, then build them back up.

So how have you avoided that?

How have you avoided the tear them down?

Because there's nothing sexy about me.

There's nothing to say.

You're not like a

big target.

You're not a big target.

I'm not sure if I can do it.

I'm just.

Are you saying I'm fat?

No, I'm just saying that I'm, you know, I'm just a substance guy.

I just do, like, people that come to my show, they're not coming to hear about how I hung out with Kanye or

seeing what I'm wearing.

They're just there for jokes

and to hear about the gospel of Jesus.

And the hot pockets.

Do you get mad that people, is that like Freebird for like when people yell?

Do hot pockets.

It's a strange thing.

So like when I do larger shows,

I might do it as an encore you know but it's it's weird because like usually the unspoken rule in comedy is that you're gonna show up with new really good material like if you just did the old material constantly people would be like I'm not going I've already seen it right so it's it's weird it's like a blessing and a curse right you know there's definitely times when people yell it and I'm kind of like I don't know how to respond you know what I mean you should walk around with a fanny pack of hot pockets just throw them at people it's just just, you know,

it's weird what sticks.

It is funny that, like, for a comedian to have

a joke that's requested.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You don't hear about that too often.

Yes.

Yeah.

It's weird.

And, you know, like, I'm known as like this food comic guy, but in the last two specials, I didn't really talk that much about food.

Yeah.

But I knew that it's going to take a while to catch up.

People are like, you're the food guy.

And I'm like, all right, I haven't really done that lately, but I mean, I am a pig.

On your Wikipedia, it like lists what you do.

It's like observational comedy centered around food.

Food.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

No, how can you get rid of the food guy?

The Gallagher wouldn't help get rid of the footage guy.

You should actually go on a Gandhi-type hunger strike.

Yeah, no, and get real skinny.

There's people that are like, you know, if you didn't do the food jokes, you wouldn't have any material.

And I'm like, I don't think it's that simple, but that's the impression of everyone.

That's how they sound.

Yeah, that should be your new heckler voice.

Yeah.

You know what?

Do the food jokes.

You know what you can do?

You can have that be the voice that heckles the heckler voice because nobody heckles anymore.

I tried to do that once.

Oh, did you?

I tried to do it.

But you know, the

voice or the,

it's also kind of loose and it's it adds an improv element that people like.

So like if I'm in Pittsburgh, like I'm going to be in Pittsburgh this weekend, you know, there's certain things about Pittsburgh that you reference that people from Pittsburgh will appreciate.

Yes.

Yeah.

Like

calling people jagoffs.

Yeah.

Jag-offs.

Yins.

Yeah, Yins.

You know, defending Big Ben.

Even

some really bad things.

You know, that kind of stuff.

Promante Brothers.

Yep.

Kurt Fry.

Like Iron City Light.

Stuffing, yeah, all other food inside of a sandwich and saying it.

Pirodi's, Polishell.

You know, these, all these

things, rivers, rivers, big bridges.

Willie Storgel.

Yeah.

Roberto Clemente.

There it is.

This is my whole act.

Franco Harris.

We just did it.

We actually the bus.

Before we just go on stage and just say these things you just name things and let them applaud for you yeah great sound great comedy catch up

heinz 57 heinz heinz mustard you know like during the summer you're like oh they got heinz mustard you know like yeah it's not their specially but you know what all right yeah um all right so the film is out amazon january 17th do you have you found that you've been a dad for a while but yeah are you making movies that your kids will like that i feel like that everyone gets to that point of their career you know i i was kind of there's some animated movies.

That's how they sell the animated movies.

They're like, your kids can watch.

Yeah, right.

And, um, but then, you know, you, you know, like at a certain age, children will watch a movie over and over again.

But

yeah, it's, I like, I did Hotel Transylvania 3 and I brought my kids and I was like, here you go.

And they're like, hey, good movie.

Like, they like the movie, and then they're like, what else are we going to do?

So it's like.

We get popcorn.

I would definitely

want to do like

a Star Wars thing, but otherwise, you know, I just want like the best role in the best movie.

Right.

You know what I mean?

How many scripts do you have like come across your desk or your agent's desk on a game?

Well, it's like it comes down to like what Zach Alam Fanakis has turned down.

But there's a, what is John C.

Riley turned down now?

Yeah.

But it's, yeah, it ebbs and flows.

Like last year, I had a lot of film opportunities.

And, And, you know, some of it is, I'm so busy and I'm constantly touring during stand-up that, and I have five kids.

So, you know, you end up being kind of protective of your time.

Yeah.

So the weirder the act.

or the characters, the more appealing.

So along those lines, we're making a movie with Adam Sandler.

Yeah.

It's called Boner Dogs.

Boner Dogs.

And I was at, this just topped my head right now.

You would be the perfect voice.

It's animated.

Perfect voice for the boner.

No, the flaccid

the flaccid the flaccid dog penis yeah the flaccid king and then when it becomes a boner that's kind of like a star wars lightsaber an animated version of the me too movement no no no no no it's non-sexual it just happens to be an erection yeah um but yeah you'd be a good voice boner boner also i think like in my parents generation that was like a mistake

have a boner someone knows who whoops i made a boner yeah

would you look at that The wind blew a little too strong, so

if you if you accidentally look at Margot Robbie and Wolf of Wall Street, you have a bonus.

That's a classic.

Excuse me for a second.

I'm going to have to leave the room.

I have a boner.

Now, I didn't see Once Upon a Time, and you guys seem like pigs.

Once Upon a Time in America, is Margot Robbie amazing anyway?

In Hollywood?

In Hollywood.

Yeah, when I was a bad guy.

It's like 50% of the movie is Quentin Tarantino trying to show her feet without actually showing her feet.

Really?

Yeah, he's a big foot guy.

Are you foot guys?

And they showed her feet.

I'm not a foot guy.

No, I'm not either.

Yeah, I don't understand foot guys.

I'm just an American.

I thought there was a scene where she was in a movie theater.

He's really quiet.

He is really quiet.

They don't think I'm a foot guy.

Hopefully, they don't know.

For whatever reason, they showed her watching a movie, but she had to have her feet up above on the seat in front of her.

I'll be honest.

She was watching a movie in a movie theater like this.

You know, there's something.

Isn't there a certain sense of relief?

You're like, you know what?

God bless the people that have a foot fetish, but I'm like, you know what?

I I dodged a bullet there.

Yes.

It could be worse.

I could be one of those people.

Like, you see, the TLC TLC channel just basically has, like, oh, I eat Kleenex.

Yeah.

And okay, well, at least, you know, I have a lot of fucked up things, but I don't have that.

Yeah.

I mean, you have an extra lot.

Yes, I do.

All right.

My last question, because I think you got another thing you got to go to.

But everyone, go check out Troop Zero, Amazon Prime, January 17th.

And I'm also touring, so go to my website.

Also, touring.

Yeah.

Okay, so let's do that.

Seeky question, last question, promo code take.

You get $10 off.

What, go use promo code take and go see Jim Gaffigan.

Yeah.

Favorite city to do comedy in that, like, maybe don't give us an obvious answer off the radar.

I think people underestimate how

great Seattle is.

Okay.

I think Seattle, I mean, Minneapolis, Seattle,

you know, Portland, those are pretty exceptional cities.

Yeah, the colder it gets outside.

You know, there's something about, and, you know, and also Canada in general is just great audiences.

There's a

culture of comedy there.

I mean, obviously, there's a culture of comedy in America, but I think that

Canada is like the perfect combination of the influence of America and the influence of England, where I think the Brits take it too seriously.

They take comedy.

Like every time I do a show in London, they're like, here's your review.

And I'm like, is it funny?

And they're like, well, I didn't censor through line.

And you're like, it's just supposed to be funny.

Just laugh.

And you laugh like funny.

I'm the food comedy guy.

Yeah.

So.

Also, Minnesota is, everyone's drunk in Minnesota and Canada.

So that's it's really easy to go someplace and laugh.

Great audience.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, Jim Gaffigan, thank you so much.

Thank you.

Appreciate it.

Hopefully this wasn't too painful.

This is great.

I don't know why I didn't have my pants off, but it was.

Well, no, you look good.

Better

or worse than the Rukino.

Oh, you got a boner.

Oh, classic fish.

I saw you in your sunglasses.

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All right, let's do some segments, and we're going to do our don't fuck with cats review.

Uh, this segment actually is going to basically be a combo here with Bachelor talk for guys that don't watch the bachelor, even though Hank watches the bachelor because his girlfriend tweeted that he watched the bachelor.

Hank

extremely watches the bachelor.

You are so watching the bachelor.

No, I tried.

I probably watched because I had two TVs.

I was watching the Celtic scheme, so I watched the first like hour, hour and a half, and then i couldn't i couldn't do it anymore i went in the other room uh so here are the bullet points courtesy of trent you have the first night you have a you have another room in your apartment in new york yeah in this economy yeah living room and bedroom that's crazy two rooms yeah shit crazy i gotta step my game up so it was opening night uh one more just one small wall in between the two

yes so no bathroom then one bathroom oh and like a half kitchen a half a kitchen

Like, you can't really have two people in it because it's basically like a small.

But you don't cook.

It's tight.

I cook sometimes.

I got a skillet for Christmas, so I've been cooking some, you know.

What have you been cooking?

Steak and cheese.

Really?

Yeah.

Stinks.

The whole place up.

So cooking steak and cheese like from scratch?

In your half-kitchen.

With a steak.

Or ground meat.

Okay.

Can you only cook?

Wait, wait, wait.

Let's dig in here.

So it's ground beef.

Yep.

Okay, so you're talking about a chopped cheese.

Are you properly cleaning the skillet?

Yeah.

Are you sure?

I think so.

Sounds like you're having some steak and cheese pancakes.

No, it's separate.

I'm telling you the things, types of things I make.

Have you made pancakes?

I've made steak and cheese.

I've made pancakes.

I've made bacon.

And that's it.

You shouldn't eat pork anymore because the FDA is not inspecting it.

It also, milk is going down.

Milk's going bankrupt.

Big milk.

I'm going to drink.

Good.

Fuck milk.

Chocolate milk.

Chocolate milk's not.

Regular milk is.

That can't be true.

No, it is.

Swear to God.

Interesting.

Chocolate milk's on the up and up.

Victoria F got out of the limo and told Pete, the pilot, that the only thing dry about her is her sense of humor.

That was like the big takeaway.

That was the big.

She was the big takeaway from everyone gets out and does their little...

She's sweaty.

Take it as you may.

Everything's sweaty.

Everything.

And then Katrina got out of the limo and said, you're going to fall in love with my hairless pussy, dot, dot, dot, cat.

Do you think it sucks to be Katrina after the whole hurricane?

I was going to say a picture of her hairless pet cat.

Like all I think about is the hurricane.

Yeah, so in about

what, the hurricane hit in 2005, so that was 15 years.

In about three or four years, there will be no but no contestants on reality shows name Katrina ever again.

Yeah, like 20 years from now, you can start naming your kids Katrina again.

But right now, it's tough.

You don't see any monikers on reality shows right now, and that's because of what happened.

Adoffs.

Yeah, no eight-offs.

They're probably never going to have a comeback.

OJs.

And then Hannah B, who I'm sure you remember from last season, she was the bachelor of the girl.

Of course.

Who could forget?

The B stands for butthole.

She showed up during a different group date date and told a story about her and Pete, how they had sex four different times in the windmill.

It was like super weird.

It was just like...

It's a fantasy sweep, right?

It was Hannah.

Yeah, it was Hannah telling all the

people about how they had sex in a windmill.

Hannah then cried and said she made a mistake not picking Pete during her season.

So it was like, are we watching the passion?

Pete came back.

Did you say that?

Wait, was it when Pete won last year?

Pete came in third.

And Hannah came back and was like, I made a mistake.

You should have came in first.

Is she trying to be part of the team now?

Pretty much because she now has to decide whether whether or not she wants to join the house with the rest of the women.

So it ended on a cliffhanger.

Wait, she was the bachelorette last time.

Yep.

Right.

And now she's getting a chance to be on the bachelorette.

She better hope that mini golf sex was good.

Yeah, the 19th century.

I mean, it must have been good.

She told the entire cast about it.

Well, that doesn't necessarily mean it was good.

Four times implies that probably the first two times were knocked out.

Actually, we should back up here.

I mean, it's always good for the guy.

That's true.

But if you have sex four times in one night, chances are pretty good that

the first time was awful and the next three times are just like, let me make it up.

You're like, I'm a stallion.

Yeah.

My main takeaways were that Pete is a pilot and there's a brutal amount of like plane puns.

Like they did a group date to like

a plane place.

Boo.

And there's.

An airport.

Yeah.

One of those plane schools.

No, it's flight school.

It's flight school.

Okay.

And my second takeaway, my prediction is there is a girl who is a four-time state championship basketball player and she goes to Auburn and and her dad is the coach of Auburn.

Bruce Pearl?

Women's basketball.

Okay.

My money's on her.

Your money's on her.

My money's on her.

She's clearly, she knows the long haul, the grind.

I agree with her.

She's a proven champ.

I agree with Hank.

Now, what about is there a girl in the house that looks like she's going to be the next bachelorette?

Hannah, I mean, there's, I mean, it's the first night.

A lot of girls came in a hot.

It's literally, no, there's Hannah Ann now.

She got the first impression rose.

So he took a girl on a date, the first date, to watch his parents get their vows renewed after 31 years which was a convenient timing fuck pistol pete pet pilot pete yeah

so his would it be hilarious first date was look how in love my parents are yes would it be hilarious it's actually not a bad move because aggressive no it's it's too much too much weight on it it's too much too soon but i think that it's it's a great move to take a girl on a date after you've been dating for like a little bit because girls will be like oh your parents love each other and for some reason they'll think that that's a very good thing for you well no it doesn't imply they love each other they they can stand each other to to the point where they're still around.

Or they're renewing their vows.

They're just really good at passive aggressiveness.

They're renewing their vows to show off to all their friends how in love they are when they're really

not.

Yeah.

Wouldn't it be hilarious if Pete wasn't actually a pilot?

He just like owned, he worked the cash register at a bunch of pilot J's in like Pennsylvania.

That would be very good.

Yeah.

That'd be very funny.

He's just giving people the key to go take a shower.

He's really good at flight simulator.

Yeah.

Because they're not going to put him up in a plane.

He's not going to have to prove it.

When are you going to ever have to prove that you're a pilot?

It's true.

He's also making out with chicks left and right really yeah hot mouthing probably probably like just hot mouth every seven makeouts someone's got herpes that's just a statistical fact or mono yeah so yeah watch out i would do no kissing if i was on that show never kiss also i i will i'll take this question uh move it from bachelor i move for guys

okay uh but this person says last night in the bachelor's hank probably doesn't know a girl came in a limo with a one-liner i have a dry sense of humor but that's the only thing drive out me what would all of your limo limo entrances one-liners be?

Oh, I like this because I watch Real Housewives, and they always do the one-liners to start.

Like, one of them's like, if you don't like what I have to say, sue me.

Like, that kind of shit.

So, mine would be, I like it in the back.

As you step out of the limit.

I like putting myself in the back.

Pause.

What?

Just a little anal sex joke.

Got it.

Aggressive.

I like putting it in the back.

This is if you were on the bachelor.

Like, what are we, what are you saying?

You'd say this is a girl bachelorette.

Girl bachelorette.

I step out of the limo.

I'm like, yeah, I like having fun in the back.

Mine would be like, I'm not cheating on you.

I'm just a degenerate gambler.

Something like that while I look at my phone.

Like, don't ask me who I'm texting.

I'm just looking at the MAAC scores for Tuesday night.

Actually, honestly, mine would be, and we've discussed this before, I'm a virgin.

I would just say that

it makes you stand out.

So mine would be, I'm a Chad.

Right after him.

I'm a virgin.

I never would fight.

It's actually more of a Chad move to announce that you're a virgin.

Everyone would be like, holy shit, look at that, Chad.

I've never had sex.

Don't you want to try to climb this unclimbable mountain, babe?

What would yours be, Hank?

I don't know.

I'm Honk Lockwood.

Yeah, Hong Kong.

And I don't think the Patriots dynasty is over.

Trains coming through.

Hong Kong.

Try-die.

Coming soon.

All right, next.

Oh, going to guys on Shakespeare.

Yeah, just do.

Yeah, yeah.

That was a great segue.

Yeah, yeah.

I said that.

Great segue.

Hey, Daddy Slim Cat.

So for Secret Santa, my boyfriend and all caps, all his guy friends bought each other dildo or dick-related objects.

Hilarious.

Should I be concerned that they all live together in a house full of dildos or is this normal?

Because seriously, I'm concerned.

So, no, you shouldn't, because it sounds like you're in seventh grade and your boyfriend just has a lot of brothers.

Or he lives in a frat house.

Or he lives in a frat house.

It's just guy stuff.

Yeah.

Dicks.

Hey guys, my boyfriend and I got to talking about guys masturbating in the shower because I thought it was a totally normal thing and would make for an easy cleanup.

No, we nut on our carpet next to our bed.

He tells me that doesn't happen and no one does that.

He claims it happens in a shirt or towel or whatever is laying around in the bedroom.

I don't know about it.

I feel like he's wrong, and most guys take long showers for a reason.

Who's right?

Do guys really not masturbate in the shower?

I would say most guys have, at one point, masturbated in the shower.

Yes.

I mean, most, and you know that it's a fact because the college you went to, you probably had to pay for your entire floor.

Yes.

Clogging up the drains.

Like, remember that would be a thing.

That's a classic.

Classic.

You would get like a flood messenger, like

stop.

No, but it's like, if you wait, you move it.

Do you believe that?

Hank, whenever that happens, it's always.

going to be a good thing.

I got money taken out.

I was like, you have to like, you're holding

money.

Hank, there was somebody

who said,

no, but I mean, I thought, I mean, I guess.

Like, these fucking semen bills are out of control.

He's like, well, I'm not going to stop jacking off, and I'm not going to protest because it put me in a fucking

tough corner here.

No, but no, I was never doing it.

I had to go knock on people's doors, but guys, stop.

Yeah, I wouldn't say it's like, it's, it's, uh, guys are just waiting to go in the shower.

But if the guy who says no one ever does it, he's wrong.

Yeah, I would say I would say most guys stop jacking off in the shower post-age 22.

As soon as they have their own room, do you ever live on a bus with like three guys and you're only stopping at like rest stops?

Correct.

Most people are probably masturbating and showering.

You jacked off in the RV bathroom?

No.

We would stop at rest stops.

Did you jerk off in the bathroom at Dana Holderson's house?

No.

No, that was good week.

That was a good question.

What about Mike Florida?

Who's the most famous house you've jacked off in?

I don't know.

I have in a pilot, a pilot, a pilot gas station, a few of those.

You did, when we were at J-Lo's house, you did go to the bathroom for a while.

Nope.

Nope,

absolutely not.

Interesting.

You were very eager to use the restroom at Scott Boris's office.

Oh,

whereas I shunned it.

Wasn't even there.

Oh, yeah, you weren't there.

Shit.

Hey, boys, especially three-point champ Big Cat.

Oh, thank you.

Me and my husband have been.

I forgot we had done that, by the way, in the video because everyone's like, congrats.

And I was like, why did they say congrats?

I didn't win.

Me and my husband have been married for two years now, and he has broken two of our toilets.

He claims this happens to a lot of guys and that, quote unquote, just can't handle the heat.

Does this happen to other guys too, or does my husband have too much heat?

I've broken a toilet.

Yeah, you've definitely broken it.

Every guy gets one.

Yeah.

Two in as many years is kind of questionable.

What are we talking about breaking toilets, too?

Is he like sitting too hard, or is it he's logged into the point of no return?

Probably sitting too hard.

That's what happened to me.

You got cheap toilets.

Yeah, I sat down aggressively and I hit my back on the tank and the tank

seriously just sliced in half.

And then there was water all over the floor.

It was gross.

And that was the last time PFD ever went to a Chili's.

Hey, boys, my boyfriend recently said he wanted to have sex with a cougar.

I was repulsed by the idea, but asked why.

Because there's a lot of fur.

And also, he's your boyfriend, and

you were repulsed because...

Hear him out.

Okay.

He said it was a fantasy.

He said it was a fantasy of his that he never got the chance to do, and he feels that that's the cub in him wanting to come out.

I asked if this was a one and done kind of thing or something that would be recurring.

He said one and done.

So I agreed.

But now the thought of it has me feeling uneasy.

Am I stupid for agreeing to this?

Yes.

Is this a normal fantasy for him to have?

No.

Also, he said I could have a pass for a type of person I would want to have sex with.

Do y'all have any ideas for that?

Fat podcaster.

Yeah.

But you're Slim Cat now.

Yeah, I am.

So many people have said I'm the fattest one now.

So thank you, baby.

Yeah, I, I mean, good that you guys have an open relationship.

That's kind of cool.

So you're okay with him sleeping with somebody somebody as long as that person's old enough to be your mom?

Yes.

Okay.

That's fair.

Very fair.

It's like a different species.

Yes.

Okay.

It doesn't mean anything.

It just means I'm horny.

Get it done.

What's up, boys?

I need you to be a moral compass.

A group of...

A moral?

A

moral space compass.

A group of four guys in my company spent $12,000 at a strip club and expensed it to our company.

Is that a fair use of company funds?

Also, how lame is it to talk non-stop about one visit to a strip club for over a month?

Can you ask right back to them?

That person sounds like they are just mad they missed out.

Well, I was going to say right back to them and ask them who should I start in my fantasy lineup on Saturday?

Because they work with Matthew Berry.

That's good.

Yeah, Matthew Berry.

Big strip club guy.

Everyone knows that.

It is weird to expand.

I don't know what $12,000 gets you at a strip club.

It gets you sick.

Yeah, no, I get that.

I'm saying it sounds like you're dealing with a bunch of

terrible negotiators.

That's what I'm saying.

I feel like four guys could go to a strip club and all get laid for $6,000.

Well, it depends on, yeah, it depends on what strip club, right?

Yeah.

I mean,

West Virginia, they don't even have $12,000.

Those are the place clubs.

They're called

Southern Exposure.

Southern Exposure.

Golden Horseshoe.

Big Cat Bankrupt, Southern Exposure.

I literally,

not sex.

That's what you just, we're even for the train comment.

They ran out of ones.

I was just throwing ones.

And they're like, yo, sir, we don't have any ones.

Like, I'm taking my business back to to my hotel to lay down to the shower.

Like, why did I spend it was only like $40, too.

It was not a lot of ones, it was bad.

All right, and we'll finish with a follow-up to the Star Wars proposal question.

I agreed to go, so we went out to dinner and then went to

the bottom of the break

of what we were discussing here.

Let me see if I can.

I remember it.

I remember it.

I'll tell you.

So, her, she thought she was going to get proposed to, and he said, All right, here it is.

What's up, boys?

It'll be my boyfriend and I's two years anniversary on Friday.

He told me we were going out to a really nice restaurant, and then afterward, we were going to see Star Wars.

I really don't want to see Star Wars, but I also think he might propose that night.

So do I agree to Star Wars in hopes that he proposes?

Because if I say no, he definitely won't propose that night.

So this is a follow-up.

Okay.

Do you guys remember what you said?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure you really definitely don't go.

Yeah.

No, I think I said that.

No, we said go.

I think it sounds like he's doing a fake out where he's like, if she agrees to go to Star Wars, I'm going to propose to her and psych her out.

All right, here we go.

I agreed to go.

So we went out to dinner and then went to the Star Wars movie, but the whole night he kept saying these cheesy Star Wars Wars references like, Yoda won for me and your smile is brighter than a lightsaber.

It was getting towards the end of the night, and I was nervous he wasn't going to propose, but he ended up getting on one knee and I said, yes.

What?

Yes.

Through Star Wars was well worth it in the end on our two-year anniversary.

Wait, so he did make you go to Star Wars to propose?

Yes.

It was the final test.

What a night.

You'll remember forever.

And he dropped a bunch of Star Wars lines.

Yoda won for me and your smile is brighter than a lightsaber.

Oh, now I get Yoda one for me.

Like, you're the one for me.

Yeah.

Oh, that's good.

It actually should be the one for me.

Put that on the card.

The one for me, Yoda.

Yep.

Is what it should have been.

Damn.

Good.

Happy for them.

Invite us to your wedding.

We won't go, but invite us.

Marry me.

You will.

All right.

If you have not watched Don't Fuck With Cats on Netflix, the documentary, you can stop right here.

Make sure you go watch it.

If you have watched it, we're going to review it.

And we said at the start of the show, we pretty much only review fucked up documentaries because the last one we did was abducted in plain sight.

And I remember we started that with just being, what the fuck?

And don't fuck with cats.

What the fuck?

What the fuck comes up with this?

Someone fucked with cats.

So where should we start?

I mean, let's start with the beginning.

So

the cats died.

The main character.

Yeah, so the main person in this story, the main person they were interviewing was body moving.

Yeah, Deanna Thompson.

And I think people are split on whether or not they hate her or not.

I think that she's good at what she does, researching

things online.

I don't know, pft she's very she's throwing a flag you don't like body moving no john green dominated her in terms of researching things online john green is the other part of this not a person you want to with no at all because that guy he has i don't know if you saw the password when they showed him logging in the very first time john green's password was so long that it had to extend past the war yes it was like a 14 character password at that point i knew like this guy is an online super he's a cold killer it was actually i would follow john green into war yes at the end,

when he and Body Moven were sitting at the diner, and she was like, I would have quit without you.

And he was like, I know you would have.

Like, you're fucking pathetic.

You're weak.

She did quit like three times.

Yeah.

All right.

So, Body Moven,

she's wild.

And first of all, I said the minute I saw her, I was like, that lady owns pugs.

She does own pugs.

She kind of looks like a pug.

Well, she has.

Not in a bad way.

She has a pug tattoo.

That tattoo.

And at that point, when I saw, she has a pug dressed as David Bowie as a tattoo on her arm.

And I was like, I do not want to fuck with her.

Yeah, so their search for

Luca Magnata

was insane.

Like looking at doorknobs in Ukraine and the vacuums and all that stuff.

And then, are we in agreement that Luca Magnata just tipped them off to who it was?

Yeah.

Because he wanted to be chased?

Yes.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Like that was it.

That, like, he DM'd him and was like, hey, you should be searching for this guy.

Obviously.

Because he clearly just wanted the chase.

Right.

Because if he had, if he had made the cat video, the initial cat video, not killing any, like if that had never come to light, uh, well, I'll put it this way: if he had made the video and nobody had ever, like, followed it him, and no one had ever, like, followed up on it and tried to find him, he's got to feel like the world's biggest asshole.

Yes, he's just like, my cat killed two.

My cat murdering video has five views, and they're all from me, and I showed it to my mom.

He's yeah, and my mom was like, oh, that's a great video.

Manny made you do that, huh?

I always loved animals, yeah.

Your friend Manny.

So I love, though, when Body Moving

was like, I had to go to my bosses.

She worked in a Vegas casino.

And

the guy, the terrible human being, Luca Magnoto, sent her a video of her casino that he found online.

And she's like, I had to go to my bosses and tell them that I'm in a Facebook group trying to hunt down this cat killer.

Can you imagine how embarrassing that was?

The whole time I was like, your boss is fucking new.

You're body moving.

Like,

when she walked in, was like, hey guys, got something I want to tell you.

I'm being stalked by a cat-killing dude that I've been hunting on Facebook.

They're probably like, yeah, we know.

It was probably a relief.

Yeah, like, that's it.

Yeah, like, that's, of course, you do that in your spare time.

So they search this guy.

They find the guy.

I also love the Jersey guys who come in briefly.

And then they never bring him back.

They like fucked up the whole thing.

They made that guy kill him.

Kill himself.

Yeah.

They really just brushed right over that.

They were the definition of a bull in a china shop.

They just showed up and they're like, yeah, we found the guy.

Fucking kill yourself, bro.

Kill yourself.

And then the guy killed himself.

And they're like, what do you do?

He's like, well, illegally, like, I don't know what I can say.

It's like, you have a sh TV show.

Yeah.

How illegal could what you're doing be?

So it sounds like they have two different TV shows mixed into one.

It's called Rescue.

Fantasy Fucking.

It's called Rescue Inc., right?

So it's not only like a group of tough guys who rescue animals.

It's also like a tattoo reality show.

It's like Cake Boss, Dog the Bounty Hunter,

Rescue Inc, and the Dog Whisperer.

Yeah, the Dog Whisperer all rolled into one.

But yeah, so Jamsy crams a lot in his ass, which was so funny they all had to say it like this.

Jamsy crams a lot in his ass.

They

crams a lot because

the fucking guy thinks he finds him, and then they just find this random dude in South Africa.

It was like, what the hell are you guys doing?

But that guy did, like, everyone's like, they did make him kill himself, which is fucked up.

But that guy was trying to take credit for killing cats.

Right.

Like, he was like, he got a little too stolen valor cat killer.

Correct.

Yeah.

So they find, so then they can't find the guy, and then Luca Magnoda, who is the terrible person who's basically the center of the story, just tips him off.

Like, hey, here's who you should look at.

This guy, who, holy shit, was he, I mean, he was crazy because he's a murderer.

Yes, but the videos he made of himself and like the Facebook friends, the Facebook groups that he made of himself.

Can I just compliment his work ethic?

Yeah.

Because he was a very focused individual.

Oh, man.

He was able to sit down.

I imagine all the work that he put into, like, constantly commenting on his own videos and shit.

He probably spent 18 hours a day pretending that he was famous.

Yes.

Like for himself in his own little puppet play that he was putting on for nobody else.

Nobody else paid attention to it.

Now, he was obviously fucking insane and an evil person.

And the fact that he gave his mom a basic instinct keychain probably should have been clue number one to his mom.

Maybe a problem.

Maybe Luca should go see, she should go talk to a professional.

Do you think if

KD watches this and he sees that Luca made all those groups for himself, he's like, you can do that?

You just make a bunch of groups.

He's like, come on.

I would have hired Luca Bagnata to be my social media guy.

Dude, he was so obsessed with himself and being a star.

He created an ecosystem for himself.

So he could have, conceivably, he was so good at making him look like he was famous online.

Because there were what, like 400 different

Google hits.

Great name, by the way.

Luca Magneta.

Great name.

Luca Rocco Magnata.

I thought that was for sure a fake name, but

he was gifted that great.

He sounds like

what a waste of fucking great name.

name but he spent so much time like making himself feel famous to himself he could have taken it one step further and like started an actual like marketing or ad company selling himself right to as like a social media superstar

and like faked his way into an actual way of living until he was famous his voice was so creepy yeah that deep voice i'm luca magnotto you know who you remind me a lot of andrew kunanen the guy from uh the american crime Crime Store, the guy that killed Giovanni Versace.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I don't know if you saw that show on FX.

Yeah, yeah.

He reminded me a lot of that guy.

Do you know that this guy, Luca Magnata, because Canada has such lax laws, he's online right now.

In jail?

In jail.

He is commenting.

I think he has a Twitter.

He's commenting on things.

So he's basically getting all the publicity that he wanted to get.

By being a murderer.

It's so fucked up.

He probably would have traded that.

Going into this, it's crazy.

That you'd be arrested and end up in jail, but you'd also be famous.

Yeah.

he married another murderer in prison oh my god so he's married it's crazy so he uh so he murdered someone which they kind of credit to body moving and john green they saw that part coming they were like this is bad we should probably alert someone the the craziest search by the way was the montreal street search yes they literally went on google maps and searched every fucking street that was watched and well they had to so luca magnado would just put up like photo picture photo albums of himself just like a video but it's just a bunch of pictures and then the next week he'd do it, but there'd be one updated picture.

So they had to watch every single video.

And then finally found one where it's like, oh, wait, that's a new picture.

Let's fucking search.

Oh, there's a light.

Let's search Canadian architecture.

Like architecture, lights.

Crazy.

It was insane.

Crazy.

So, one other thing that he kind of glossed over, when he was over in England, and that one reporter went to his hotel and visited him, it was very clear and obvious that this was the guy from the Cash Phillies.

How come no one else thought to follow up on that besides that one reporter?

It's nuts.

It's nuts.

So he makes all these videos.

He has a snake video, which is the second set of hands, which we actually, that was my biggest takeaway.

It's like, who's the second set of hands?

I went and found it.

It was just a neighbor.

It was a separate video.

They kind of fucked that up, like explaining that in the documentary.

He kills someone, which they all thought was coming.

Horrific.

How about body moving, by the way?

Who was like casually like, yeah, so Luca Magnata, you know, killed,

what was the guy's name?

I'm going to fuck it up.

Sun Jin?

i forget the guy's name okay that's my bad can you look that up so we can actually say his name uh because it's a very sad story like really sad immigrant like so he's like yeah so he murdered them and then and then body move is like and i was wondering what happened that dog jun lin jun lin did you see that part when she was like but what about the dog yeah yeah but he just murdered someone he murdered a human being yeah it's like the whole story is based on crazy people i mean crazy but like good-hearted people who just don't who are like so obsessed with animals like rule number one, rule number one of the internet, don't fuck with cats.

That's rule zero.

Rule zero,

he murders a human being, and I love dogs, but to be like, but what happened to the dog?

And there's also like an element of

his own narcissism in them because when they watched that video, they were like, he put this dog in the video to fuck with us.

It's like, no, I don't think so.

I think the dog was just there.

You're right.

He probably had some other scam going with the dog at the time.

But yeah, there was an element where they were able to identify so much with him and they were able to find out so much about him that they started like thinking like he did too much.

That actually is my biggest problem with the entire documentary.

I think they made Luca Magnata out to be a lot smarter than he is.

Yes.

Like he's not a genius.

So the timeline, that felt like they glossed over as well.

The fact that they're searching for this guy for like three years, he kills someone, he flees, and the cops get him within like two days.

Yeah.

Like they didn't, they just got him.

He was not smart.

He's actually a fucking idiot, a narcissist, like a psychopath, but not smart.

Not a genius.

Well, also, they found him in Montreal not because of anything to do with his Facebook group.

They found him in Montreal because they recovered the torso and there were fucking letters addressed to his own apartment inside the trash can.

Yeah, right.

So he's an idiot.

And so despite all the work that they put in in Toronto and saying like, oh, I think we can figure out where he is in Montreal, the police didn't use any of that information to track him down.

And then he just gets on a plane, doesn't change clothes, goes over to Paris.

Right.

He's not, you're right.

He's not that smart.

No, he's not smart at all.

And he's a narcissist.

He goes to an internet cafe to look at himself.

If I were the guy from Catch Me If You Can, what's that guy's name?

Abigail, Frank Abignil.

Right.

If I were him, I would be insulted that this guy was being compared to me.

Yes.

So

the other question I had, so this all happens, and then the Manny thing.

The mom, I actually have a little bit of sympathy for the mom because it seems like shit's not going well in her life.

And she's been broken.

Her son is a sociopath murderer, and she kind of can't really grasp it.

What were you going to say?

He left the house when he was like 16 to go be a whatever actor and then called her and told her that he was doing prostitution.

And she was basically like, oh, well, he was making a lot of money.

So like it was cool.

Yeah, the money was good.

So clearly, like the mom was fucked up.

Yeah, there's some things.

You're 18 years old being like, hey, mom, I'm a prostitute now.

The money's great.

And she's like, oh, that's great, honey.

What about the benefits?

You also have to imagine that she had her brain fucked up having to raise that kid because he's such a psychopath and a sociopath that he's probably been feeding her elaborate lies for his entire life.

So she has no idea what's going on.

Also, she's like...

His Photoshop game was weak.

Yeah, I had that right here.

His Photoshop game sucked.

And for somebody who is obsessed with cinematography and these old movies, the movies that he tried to recreate, he did a shitty job reproducing.

Like it was just like the lighting was all off.

Everything was all fucked up he was a he was a two-bit uh criminal when it comes to his reproduction of these movies and i noticed that the mom you'll have to remember like back in uh i think he was in toronto and he went to a news a newspaper and he said that like people need to stop saying that he's hooking up i'm hooking up with a serial killer a serial killer's ex-wife the serial killer's ex-wife looked a lot like his mom when his mom was younger like almost identical it was creepy yeah the the guy's so sick.

And then the Manny thing where he like makes up, you know, that there's someone who forced him to do it.

And the final scene when he's sitting there and they try to like piece it all together.

I don't know.

When Body Moven looks into the camera and like breaks the fourth wall.

I hated that.

I hated that, but it's also right.

Like,

they are somewhat responsible.

They also psycho people out there.

But like media and our obsession with crime documentaries and their obsession with finding someone, like that does, it basically was like when you go to like the dog park, if your dog likes to be chased, like if there's no dogs that are going to chase it, your dog will just sit there.

You know what I mean?

Like, Luca Bagnana wanted to be chased.

He wanted celebrity.

We kind of gave it all to him.

Well, we gave it to him after the fact.

So I don't feel guilty.

She was like, should you feel guilty for this?

She should.

She should feel a little bit guilty for like trying to.

They chased him.

They made him feel the celebrity that he really wanted.

They got a guy killed in South Africa.

Yeah.

They didn't really.

But I also think that there's something to what they're doing.

And I don't know if there's any way that you can solve this problem, but we've all seen people online before, whether it's on Twitter or if it's people that you know on Facebook, and their posts are so bad.

Their posts are such red flags that you know that there's something wrong with them, and you don't know what it is, and you don't know what you can do because you can't go to the cops and be like, Excuse me, Mr.

Police Officer, this person is unusual online.

This person has a collection of autographed checks and like opens up a bunch of baseball cards.

Correct.

He probably is a murderer.

You can go to the police and say that till you're blue in the face.

Right.

But they'll be like, but his brand is extremely valuable.

So there's no real remedy to what you can do.

But you know what I'm saying?

Yes,

there's actually a person in my life that I saw posting and I was like, this person is fucked up and they're going to do something extremely dangerous.

And the person ended up going like way off the rails is in jail now.

But like, you can't report somebody like that to the cops for posting bad.

Agreed.

And so they found somebody and they're like, oh,

I think that at the very minimum, this person is a psychopath that's created a lot of Photoshop pictures of themselves and is pretending to be a cat killer.

Like you can't go, the police are going to see that and say like, well, what do we do?

The intentions were all good.

It's just like when you get to the end,

I think her body movings thoughts when she admits that, like deep down, you know, late at night, I think, like, did we have a a part in this?

I think she's kind of right.

Like, yeah, maybe it did because he wanted to be chased and you chased him, but I don't fault them for being they're good people.

Like, John Green and Body Moving are good people.

They're good.

They're people who are like looking out for the better in society.

It's just internet culture is so fucked up now.

So fucked up.

The lawyer, it obviously wasn't the comedy, but the lawyer was from Michael Douglas lawyer at the end when he was like, the fact that this guy like set up an alibi a year and a half in advance and did all this pre-work is absolutely crazy, but it's so diabolical, I have to respect it.

Yeah.

Like, what, dude?

He killed someone.

Yeah, that's like, it was like very cavalier about the whole thing.

But, I mean, going to a lawyer

two years in advance.

They didn't really address it.

He literally must have just typed in lawyer.

Michael Tuggs.

Yes.

And then he sent him a police report.

And when I saw that police report from Miami, where he claimed that Manny beat him up and all that stuff, it was like, oh, we have to take him to the hospital.

I knew that was bullshit instantly because why why would the police mail a letter to some guy who had met with a guy as a client like a year ago right like it's very it was very clearly being set up as his alibi in advance but still like he was a hustler he was he was a hustler he sucked at it um but and what i said earlier that like the production value on the snuff films like i'm saying that the guy was uh he was not as glamorous as he thought that no no no he thought he was unbelievable that's like the mirror of everything else that goes on in his life where he pretends that he's doing something super artistic artistic and he's actually just a dirty piece of shit that was my that was my problem with the end of the documentary i was like this guy is not as smart as everyone's making him out to be yeah he is not some mastermind he's a fucked up piece of shit and he took a life and he should be in jail forever but he's not some like oh my god can you believe this brain he puts all this he's bored he wants to be famous he's narcissistic and he got caught in like three days he also had the elizabeth holmes voice Yeah, where he'd be like,

well, I came here to get away from the death threats.

Isn't it obvious?

Yeah.

If somebody says, isn't that obvious to you in a normal day-to-day conversation, they're lying to you about something.

Right, right.

So, all right, so that's don't fuck with cats.

The other part that I kind of found somewhat humorous was like how funny it must have been because the people that arrested him, it was like a guy that was training a bunch of like soon-to-be cops.

And so they just rolled in with like 50 people.

10 people.

Those people were probably, it was like a field trip, basically.

Like, all right, you know, we're doing a ride along, and they're like, oh, hey, like, there's a mass murder in this coffee shop.

Like, let's go.

And they all just strolled in, like, ooh, what's going on?

Luko McNata probably loved it.

Yeah, he's like, Look at that.

They needed to bring in the whole squad.

Yeah.

Fuck.

How pissed off would you be if you were that store that sold the wolf blanket?

Oh, yeah.

Because that was a cool blanket.

That was a cool blanket.

No one can buy it anymore.

It was.

And the vacuum cleaner, probably, we got to, we should probably add Ravel on for that.

Like, what's the brand exposure?

Yeah.

For the yellow one or the seal bag?

Yeah, for the fucking vacuum cleaner that killed two kittens.

What kind of price jump do we get from that?

It's worth $50,000 into the exposure.

All right.

We'll see everyone Friday.

We have Warren Sharp in studio.

Maybe Paul Rabel.

We're going to do a big preview for divisional rounds.

One more thing.

Yeah.

Just watching that opening scene in Basic Instinct because it cut away before the actual

scene.

And that made me want to go back and watch Basic Instinct.

Or I was going to say, uncross your legs.

Yeah.

In front of people.

It looks hot.

The implication.

I do that anyways.

Yeah.

Take a peek.

Love you guys.

Talking away,

I don't know what

to say or fade anyway.

Today isn't my day to find you shine away.

I'll be coming for your love, okay.

Take

your mind,

take on me, take

me,

take on me.

One, two, three, go.