Wild Card Weekend, Kyle Long Calls In And Retires, + Hank Soggy Sorrows

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Speaker 1 On today's part of my take,

Speaker 1 wild card weekend. And boy, was it a wild card weekend.
Holy shit.

Speaker 1 It was crazy. We're going to recap every single game.
We're going to do some boomers. We're going to do some who's back.
We actually called Kyle Long, our friend.

Speaker 1 He announced his retirement during wildcard weekend. We talked to him for a few minutes.
And

Speaker 1 Soggy Soros. Hank's going to do Soggy Soros, possibly the end of the dynasty.

Speaker 2 He's agreed to it, so we're very excited.

Speaker 1 No, don't.

Speaker 1 We'll get to it.

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Speaker 1 They're participating in McDonald's.

Speaker 2 I have a future bet on Solomoni becoming the I Folo one day, so maybe I'll say that. Bad Beats Monday.

Speaker 1 Bad Beats Monday. Okay.

Speaker 2 Let's go.

Speaker 2 Now in the street, there is violence.

Speaker 2 And then I love the song of work to be done.

Speaker 2 No paper and a low washing.

Speaker 2 And then I can't blame all of the songs. Oh, no, we gotta rock it down to Elite Trick Iven.

Speaker 2 And then we take it higher.

Speaker 2 Oh, we're gonna rock it down to Elite Trick IV.

Speaker 1 Welcome to part of my tape.

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Speaker 1 Today is Monday, January 6th.

Speaker 1 Wild card.

Speaker 1 Wild card. Woo!

Speaker 1 Wildcat.

Speaker 1 Whoop, it's a run. Whoop!

Speaker 1 We start in H-Town, where JJ Wanaburger, beloved by all Texans, was back in action and on camera more than Chrissy Teigen and John Legend at an award show.

Speaker 1 The Bills came out hot using their trick playbook to run the Billy special, a touchdown pass to quarterback Josh Allen, and almost Devin Singletary,

Speaker 1 Blue Cheese Mountains, jumping through some tables, was running through the Texans' defense like a large order of duffs through your colon.

Speaker 1 It was a tale of two halves as Deshaun Connery Watson started moving the rock at will and DeAndre the Giant Hopkins hands proved to be the eighth wonder of the world.

Speaker 1 The wild finish came down to kickers as Kaimi Ric Flairbairn had all the Texans fans singing, woo!

Speaker 1 Finally, back to the cameraman, JJ Reddick Watt, started out playing Dookie, but figured out his three-point stance in time for one shining moment, which he promptly ruined by farting on his brother TJ Watt.

Speaker 1 As first reported by esports reporter Dan Revelle, Texas 22, Bills 19. Whoop, whoop, whiff, whiff, whiff,

Speaker 1 we go up to Foxborough, where the reports of a winter storm left Patrick Chung disappointed, as there were no piles of snow on the field Saturday night.

Speaker 1 The story of this game was Derrick Henry, aka Tractor Cito. Tough to wrap up like a big burrito.
Football porn viewed incognito. Make you surrender like you're here, Rojito.

Speaker 1 Tractor Cito. Ryan Tannehill outdoed Tom Brady, 72 yards to 209 yards.

Speaker 1 The student became the teacher as Psyche Rebel played mind games and played the part of Will Hunting, telling incredibly accomplished Fields Medal winner Bill Belichick, do you know how fucking easy this is for me?

Speaker 1 I'm sorry you can't do this.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry you're not as smart as me.

Speaker 1 Mohamed Zinn Nudes was thirsty but came up empty and it looks like Tom Brady won't have any reason to smash his phone this offseason.

Speaker 1 If this is me first reporting the end of the dynasty, dynasty, let me just say it's been a pleasure covering it.

Speaker 1 Starting all the way back at the catch, where a young Swam and an even younger Tom Terrific were in attendance at that play. Titans 20, Patriots 13.

Speaker 1 In the big Drew Breezy, where Taysom Jonah Hill made the Vikings defense look super bad.

Speaker 2 Sick reference boom. Your references are out of control.

Speaker 1 Kirk Marrier Cousins exploded with Einstein's theory of quarterback play. If you play long enough, eventually you'll you'll win a big game.

Speaker 1 Adam made his good luck black-eyed peas for New Year's, and he's got a feeling that these Vikes are going to be some good Vikes.

Speaker 1 Kyle Rudolph Rüdiger helped pull off a true underdog story, and Sean Puffy Combs Payton said, I'll be missing you to the 2019 NFL season.

Speaker 1 You vibe that, Minnesota, as a Viking shocked the Saints in the dome. 23-20.
Whip! Whip!

Speaker 1 We finish in Philadelphia where Carson Wentz suffered a first half injury and without any of Russell Wilson's concussion wooter, the Eagles were forced to turn to the ageless wonder Josh McCount of Monte Cristo who had been waiting patiently 20 years to appear in a playoff game.

Speaker 1 It was Pizza Carroll Day at the DK Met Cafeteria. Which table are you sitting at, Boom?

Speaker 1 As the Seahawks were able to feast on a battered Eagle secondary, Quentin Thomas Jefferson declared independence in Philadelphia and the Seahawks are the first bird team to beat another bird team in their own nesting grounds as the Eagles lay an egg to finish the season.

Speaker 1 Seattle, 17. Philadelphia, 9.

Speaker 1 Woo!

Speaker 2 A wild card. That was an awesome weekend of football.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Why is it over? And that was an insane, insane wild card weekend.

Speaker 1 Probably, I wouldn't say the best wildcard weekend because I honestly just can't remember all the wild card weekends off the top of my head. But it was probably the most thrilling.

Speaker 1 I mean, every game, two games went into overtime. Every game felt like it could go either way.
You had huge upsets.

Speaker 1 You had maybe the end of a dynasty, maybe the end of Drew Brees' career, and Carson Wentz got hurt.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was a crazy weekend. I mean, getting it started with an overtime game is always an awesome way to get the ball rolling.
Yeah, especially the way that that game turned out.

Speaker 2 Well, yeah, so it was crazy.

Speaker 1 So we'll start with the Bills Texans. By the way, you can watch us on parstoolgold.com/slash PMT.

Speaker 1 The Bills Texans, and we joke, the Saturday ESPN game is always the biggest snoozer of a game in wild card weekend. And it was the exact opposite this year because that game lost its fucking mind.

Speaker 2 Dude, the game was like being waterboarded with for loco because you were alternately like passing out from excitement, waking up, feeling drunk. It was insane.
It passed the test. I had so much fun.

Speaker 2 I was actually screaming at a television in a bar. Yes.
I felt like I was in a Buffalo Wildlings commercial.

Speaker 1 It passed the test where I was just randomly standing up in my living room, like screaming at the TV, wondering what the hell was going on. The Bills looked awesome in the first half.

Speaker 1 They played way too conservative. Like, that was a classic case of they started selling for field goals and being happy that they were up.
And the Texans, Deshaun Watson,

Speaker 1 when Dabo Sweeney says he's Michael Jordan, like that's what he's talking about. The fact that he has that poise and that one play where he got sacked twice twice,

Speaker 1 spun around and made a play. But that fourth quarter, everyone lost their mind.
So the coaches lost their mind. The players lost their mind.
The announcers lost their mind.

Speaker 1 Everything went to shit all at the same time.

Speaker 2 What was crazy about that Watson hit, he did absorb two hits right back to back, like bang, bang. And I think that if the second guy hadn't hit him, he was going to fall down.

Speaker 2 He almost got knocked back onto equilibrium by the second guy that was sacking. But the fact that he didn't go down, then scrambled, it was amazing.

Speaker 2 It was so much fun to watch. I actually

Speaker 2 think the game turns out a much different way if the start of the second half is called differently.

Speaker 2 On that, that touchback that was initially ruled a touchdown, we were introduced to the sky judge.

Speaker 1 The sky judge came running out, and we've been clamoring for the sky judge for years now. Turns out it's just

Speaker 1 like a 40-year-old dude who's probably 30 pounds overweight. No offense to sky judge.
But he revealed his face because it was so clear what happened was

Speaker 1 the call happens. It's a touchdown.
The ref is a total dick, but he calls it kind of correctly. Like you have to either kneel or, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like he just kind of threw the ball and the sky judge comes running on the field and essentially someone from New York probably called him up, probably that big red button that we've been demanding after the NFC championship game last year.

Speaker 1 Roger Goodell called him up and was like, go fix this because it's a common sense thing that we'll never hear the end of this if they call that a touchdown.

Speaker 2 Well, since when does the NFL care about common sense? Since when do they care about the spirit of the rule book? This is like a brand new day for the NFL. And there were two sky judges.

Speaker 2 There was the first, they were actually the men in black. Yes.
There was Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith. There was a white guy and a black guy.

Speaker 2 They came out there and they immediately, like, they pointed at the ref. They're like, dude, what are you doing? You fucked this all up.

Speaker 1 Just tried to make that about yourself.

Speaker 2 So what happened was he caught the ball and then he tossed it forward to the ref. So

Speaker 1 not before, hold on. He motioned to the ref and the ref waved him off and then he threw it.

Speaker 1 So if you actually want to call it an illegal forward forward pass right no it should it should have been it should have been a touchdown for the bills i know it's like safety no it should have been touched when you throw it forward it's like it's some i'll i'll pull it up but isn't that a safety is that not an illegal forward pass i don't know either way because he threw it forward anyway i'm happy that they called it the way they did eventually because it was one of those common sense things but the ref did pretty much make it clear like i don't want the ball right now you have to kneel before you give me the ball and they just put his hands up in the air like free play yeah like balls up jump on

Speaker 1 not touch me not touch me Your little brother. Yeah.
Don't touch me. He's like, I'm not touching that ball.

Speaker 2 It would have been a zero-second touchdown, probably the fastest touchdown in NFL history.

Speaker 1 Everyone who had the over was like, holy shit, this is awesome. We're back.

Speaker 2 It was incredible to watch. But yeah, I think they got it right in the spirit of the rule.
But I mean, the NFL historically has not given a shit. If I'm the Bills fans, I don't know what you organize.

Speaker 2 Hank, you got arrested in Roger Goodell's office basically. Do you just mail a bunch of dildos to the NFL league office?

Speaker 1 I feel so bad for Bills fans.

Speaker 2 Do a shit-in, just ask to use their bathroom over and over and over again at Park Avenue.

Speaker 1 Fuck, they were, that game was so winnable.

Speaker 1 And I guess we should talk about our guy, Josh Allen, because he was awesome at times. He was awesome running the football at the first half.

Speaker 1 It was clear that that was like they were going to unleash him. And

Speaker 1 the Bills had such a good game plan to start the game. I don't know what happened.
They just kind of turtled when it got closer.

Speaker 1 It almost was like Bill O'Brien's conservative nature was transferred to the other sideline because Bill O'Brien was just the game started with the Texans punting twice in Bill's territory, which is a Bill O'Brien special.

Speaker 1 But Josh Allen and the lateral play, the shades of Reggie Bush trying to lateral it in the championship game.

Speaker 2 Whereas like I thought you were going to say Fiji Rugby. Nope.
Because that also would have counted.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he offloaded it. Fuck it.
I'm just going to make a play. And you could see in his eyes that he was like, this might be going a little too fast for me.

Speaker 1 And the whole, and this is also when, like, Boogers calling for screen passes on third down and spikes on fourth down. And

Speaker 1 the refs started overtime by saying there must be a winner in this game.

Speaker 1 Everyone lost their mind at the exact same time, and it made for just fantastic television.

Speaker 2 Bill O'Brien would have played for a tie. That's why they had to say that.
They knew that about Bill, who, by the way, doesn't look healthy. He's developing like this pear-shaped body thing going on.

Speaker 2 That's football. He looks like a cartoon lunch lady a little bit, but he was very conservative.

Speaker 2 When they had the lead,

Speaker 2 he played not to lose a game. Yes.
And it ended up working out for him, but that was mostly because of Josh Allen and the way that he played in the fourth quarter, which was insane. Insane.

Speaker 2 But it was so fun to watch. It was awesome to watch.
And the thing about Josh Allen is there's no in-between with Josh on any play.

Speaker 2 Any given play, he's going to prove somebody right, and he's going to prove somebody very wrong.

Speaker 2 And it's kind of like how we observe Josh Allen. You either really like him or you hate him.
Right. And he will make you right.
And then he'll make you wrong on the play after. So he's fun to watch.

Speaker 2 He's exciting. He threw like a 45-yard deep ball to his fullback in double coverage.
It was awesome.

Speaker 1 He was playing with his pants on fire. He was playing like a little kid just hopped up on sugar, just running around, making plays.
He was like Brett Favre if Brett Favre had ADD.

Speaker 2 I'm thinking that

Speaker 2 with Josh Allen,

Speaker 2 he's got these plays that they script for him at the beginning of the game, but then they just kind of go back to a base offense after they get all the creativity out. And why,

Speaker 1 man, there's like so many things that the Bills can look back on. There was a shitty, shitty call, that blindside block call that was soft, soft.

Speaker 1 But more than anything, like, Frank Gore is a Hall of Famer. Why are you giving Frank Gore the ball when Singletary was awesome?

Speaker 1 It was, there was a moment where I looked it up and I was like, am I losing my mind? Singletary had like five yards of carry and Frank Gore had two yards of carry and they had equal amount of carries.

Speaker 1 It was like, why are you doing this? You need to win this game. You can't just keep playing conservative football.
And that just bit them in the ass at the end. And they almost won it still,

Speaker 1 even in spite of all of that, in spite of Josh Allen kind of losing his mind and that sack sequence, which I would say actually the first sack wasn't really on him.

Speaker 1 When he took the sack on third down, that was him.

Speaker 2 Yep.

Speaker 1 No, that wasn't on him. His line just didn't block.

Speaker 1 It was a quick snap and his line just didn't even touch.

Speaker 2 The second sack, he could have at least thrown it downfield.

Speaker 2 Thrown out of bounds, that sort of thing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because

Speaker 1 that one was weird because then the

Speaker 2 Texans in field goal territory. It was like like a six-point swing on the table.

Speaker 1 It was also crazy that the booth, which they didn't have their best game, just didn't bring up the fact that on fourth and like 28 or whatever it was, they never brought up the idea that they could punt there.

Speaker 1 Right. They're like, oh, they just have to go for it.
It's like, really?

Speaker 2 They had three timeouts.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they have the timeout. Like, just why wouldn't they kick it? Like, they just never...
The booth had a tough game. It was a tough game.
Everyone lost their mind at the same time.

Speaker 2 We also had a punter spiking the ball because they were going through the replay review, and they figured they might as well have their kicking team out on the field just in case that it was an overturned.

Speaker 2 They wouldn't have to rush him on. So they had him spike the ball on first down.
Yes. It was insane.
It was nuts. And I loved every second of it.
I wish it had gone another way.

Speaker 2 I wish that the Bills had won. I think the Bills probably should have won that game because the Texans' offense is

Speaker 2 much, much different without Will Fuller. When they only have DeAndre Hopkins to stretch the field, it becomes a very, very different game plan for them.

Speaker 1 I want to say the Bills should have won that game, but

Speaker 1 that is not giving enough credit to how incredible Deshaun Watson was in the second half. The fact they needed two two-point conversions and they got them both in great fashion.

Speaker 1 And we should probably mention, we probably have gone the longest that you can possibly go without mentioning J.J. Watt because he was on camera 7 billion times.

Speaker 2 He's pacing.

Speaker 1 He was a no-show the first half.

Speaker 1 Second half, he made the plays that they, like, he actually, the DeAndre Hopkins, the sequence where DeAndre Hopkins decided to just run with the ball like he was reaching for the goal line at the 40, his own 40, and fumbled.

Speaker 1 The Bills are going back. By the way, the Bills, if they had just picked up that ball, they could have run it back.
I don't know if you remember.

Speaker 1 He picked up the ball and then they just kind of started celebrating instead of running it back. No one was touching him.
But anyway, the Bills are going back in, and J.J.

Speaker 1 Watt has the huge sack to keep to a field goal, which keeps it to that two-score game. And that was like a huge play.
And then he had another sack in overtime, which is a huge play.

Speaker 1 And I'm just happy that he had those big plays because the poor cameraman that had to spend the entire afternoon with his camera locked in on TJ Watt for that TJ Watt reaction, I was worried that they were never going to get it.

Speaker 1 They finally got it in like the fourth quarter.

Speaker 2 Isn't that insane, though, that we've got guys coming back from peck injuries in just like a month? What are you trying to say? No, I'm just saying it's insane. What are you trying to say?

Speaker 2 You haven't heard about this type of injury being recovered from until the age of modern medicine.

Speaker 1 Ray Lewis did it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, that was Ray Lewis. The deer antler spray.

Speaker 1 Did you see Brian Cushing on the sideline with just a huge black eye?

Speaker 2 Yeah, of course, yes.

Speaker 1 This is the most perfect thing ever.

Speaker 2 He lives his life always with a black eye. If he sees himself in the mirror without a black eye, he's like, I got to go out and get in a fight ASAP.

Speaker 1 He either got in a fight. He's got soft.
He either got in a fight with someone.

Speaker 2 He probably gives himself a black eye.

Speaker 1 Well, he either got in a fight with someone at Starbucks because he didn't want to be there. Maybe his wife.

Speaker 2 Because he didn't say Merry Christmas to him.

Speaker 1 No, his wife made him go to Starbucks because remember he was like Starbucks for chicks.

Speaker 1 Or he got in a fight with, like, I wouldn't be shocked if he just got in a fight with a piece of equipment in the weight room.

Speaker 2 Just head-butted the bench press.

Speaker 1 I was like, fuck this.

Speaker 2 Yeah, just dropped a barbell on his face.

Speaker 2 It was a fun game to watch. Again, I'm just sad for Bills Mafia because

Speaker 2 I thought that this was their chance to win a game. And I was thinking after the game,

Speaker 2 where does Buffalo go from here? Because they've got a pretty good team. I just don't know.
I don't know how you can improve.

Speaker 5 They have a lot of free agents.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Their defense, they got a lot of shit they got to deal with.

Speaker 1 PFT,

Speaker 1 do you want to end this game?

Speaker 1 Do you want to finish talking about this game and move on to where the bills could go?

Speaker 2 I got one more thing to say.

Speaker 2 I want to say goodbye to Lorenzo Alexander because Lorenzo Alexander has been one of my favorite players throughout his entire career. He's the Taysom Hill of defense.

Speaker 2 And he's also played offense, too. I think over the course of his NFL career, he's played

Speaker 2 offensive guard. I think he's played offensive tackle.
He's played fullback. He's played linebacker, outside linebacker, middle linebacker, and defensive tackle.

Speaker 2 He's done everything.

Speaker 1 He's the Swiss Army now.

Speaker 2 He's had an awesome career, and it sucks that it's over because I used to always love watching him play. So that sucks for me.

Speaker 1 And we also should just give a shout out to Booger for giving us another

Speaker 1 great Telestrator dick.

Speaker 1 Booger uses the word come a lot in the broadcast to the point where I think he's starting to realize that he uses it a lot. Because

Speaker 1 this was what he said during the Telestrator dick. These two guys are coming, and they're both going to come inside.

Speaker 6 These two guys are coming.

Speaker 6 They're both going to come inside.

Speaker 1 So that's what he said during the Telestrator dick.

Speaker 2 He's been watching a little too much, Tiana Trump.

Speaker 1 There you go. Ding.
Another reference. So he had to, he stopped himself because he realized, like, oh, Booger, you did it again.
You keep talking about guys coming inside other guys.

Speaker 2 And doing it well, though, there's a Telestrator dick on the screen. It was perfect.
It was just Steve.

Speaker 1 You know what?

Speaker 2 As much as people hated on Booger for his performance,

Speaker 2 and I get it. It's fun to get mad at announcers, and I love doing it too.
He absolutely made up for it with that Telestrator dick.

Speaker 2 I think that was him throwing a little red meat to America, being like, okay, I know that you guys are talking about me. Here's a dick.

Speaker 1 I guess the only positive I could say for Booger and Test Store, because they had a terrible game, was that the game was so crazy, maybe they were just trying to match the mood by being equally as crazy and bad.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they were drunk, too.

Speaker 2 They were drunk off football, just like the rest of us.

Speaker 1 He does have to come up with a different word than come, though. It's kind of like I can never.
Insert. Well, I never know effect and effect.
Yeah. So I just say impact.

Speaker 1 He needs to say attack

Speaker 1 or rush or just anything but penetrate. Yeah.
No, don't say anything but come. He just always is saying they're coming on his face and they're coming at him.
And like, I think at one point he said,

Speaker 1 look at him come on Josh Allen's face.

Speaker 2 And look at this guy come in Josh Allen's face. This guy's a load, too.

Speaker 1 It gets a little too much. So he's got to figure it out.

Speaker 2 Maybe you should just specify which cum he's using. He's like, look at this guy, C-O-M-E-Iing inside.

Speaker 1 It just before every telecast, like, Booger's going to say the word cum a lot. I mean, it'd be great.
Just so you know, he doesn't mean the Ejaculate one.

Speaker 2 It would be great if they bleeped him out when he was saying come.

Speaker 2 It would sound a lot funnier.

Speaker 1 But yeah, the Texans, next week, we have the

Speaker 1 everyone's calling it the Mitch Trubisky Bowl because it's Mahomes versus Watson. I get it.
Guess what? Mitch Trubisky could never be in the AFC playoffs, so shut up. That's true.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but the Bills, where do they go from here? Well, funny you asked, PFT. We can go to the next game.

Speaker 2 What was the next game? I'm a little forgetful.

Speaker 1 Is the Dynasty dead?

Speaker 2 Are the Patriots done or are they finished, Hank?

Speaker 1 Hank's going to do Soggy Stars at the end of the show, by the way. He's literally getting in a shower while we interview him.

Speaker 5 The season is finished. The Dynasty is not done.

Speaker 1 Where?

Speaker 1 So the panic button, did you smash it? At what point did you smash it? What kind of game was it? During the game is that way. Well, at what point did you smash it? During the game?

Speaker 1 Because it was one of those weird games where it felt like the Patriots were going to do... Even with 15 seconds left, you're like, something weird's going to happen.

Speaker 5 When they didn't score on the goal line,

Speaker 5 that was tough. And then going into the fourth quarter, that's probably when I started to get panicked.
I was like, this is feeling sketchy.

Speaker 5 We should be winning. This is bad.
I don't feel good about this game.

Speaker 2 I thought it was bad right on the opening drive for the Titans when Derrick Henry was just imposing his will. And Belichick is really good at taking away one thing, right? And that's all the players.

Speaker 5 But they took away the play action.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they took away Tennehill, which you didn't have to.

Speaker 2 You didn't need to. As long as you had Derrick Henry running for seven yards a carry.
It was to the point where Derrick Henry getting a five-yard gain in that first quarter felt like a win.

Speaker 5 He didn't get touched until he was like four yards into the Patriots backfield.

Speaker 1 Derrick Henry, when he scored his touchdown in, I think it was the second quarter.

Speaker 1 He scored a one-yard touchdown. His yards per carry went down to 7.6.

Speaker 1 That's how good he was in the first half.

Speaker 2 I don't know how you stop him either. I really don't, because they tried everything that they could.
But when you don't get a square shoulder on Derrick, maybe you just have to tackle him by his hair.

Speaker 2 You have to specialize in someone who can jump around him and just pull him back by his little dreadlock.

Speaker 1 Shout out to us for being a Derrick Henry podcast for at least two months now because we've been talking about Tractor Cito and Derrick Henry season, how in December, November, December, now January, no one wants to tackle him.

Speaker 1 Nope. And no one wanted to tackle him on Saturday night.
So this game was pretty much the Titans basically outpatriots the Patriots. Like

Speaker 1 Vrabel coming in, running the ball, controlling the clock, the classic time snatcher saga, which was incredible to watch.

Speaker 1 So if you didn't watch the game or you didn't follow exactly what was going on, with six and a half minutes left, and the Titans have fourth down and ready to punt, there's a rule in the playbook that

Speaker 1 each penalty doesn't stop the clock until after five minutes hits. So he basically just erased two minutes of time on the clock, knowing that he wanted the game to be as short as possible.

Speaker 1 And And not only did he do that as a loophole, so they took an intentional, they took a delayed game and offsides, and then they got actually the Patriots to go off sides.

Speaker 1 So it was three penalties in a row.

Speaker 2 Well, I think Belichick was doing that on purpose at first, right? To try to take away their five yards, and it was like the, it was dueling Adam Sandler gifts from Uncut Jims.

Speaker 2 Both those guys staring at you saying, this is how I win. No, this is how I win.
And that's what Belichick did against the Jets.

Speaker 1 Yes,

Speaker 1 he said.

Speaker 2 And he said they're going to close the loophole at some point.

Speaker 1 So So his quote from earlier in the season, when he did this exact same thing, Bill Belichick did the exact same thing. He said, it was just the way the rules are set up.

Speaker 1 We're able to run quite a bit of time off the clock without really having to do anything. That's probably a loophole that will be closed and probably should be closed, but right now it's open.

Speaker 2 That's ominous. I'll just say, I love...
I love harmless intentional penalties. It's so funny to watch them go back and forth.

Speaker 2 And I guess the rule is you can't commit the same penalty twice in a row because then it's unsportsmanlike behavior on the coach. And it's

Speaker 2 15 yards and the clock stops. So you have to think of different penalties to commit back to back to back.
Right.

Speaker 1 So and this is so Belichick and Vrabel, I would assume Vrabel got this from Belichick because Belichick did it with the Jets.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm sure that Vrabel is paying attention, like, hey, but Belichick essentially is like those hackers that the FBI hires to like hack into their own mainframe to find all the loopholes.

Speaker 1 Eventually, if Belichick coaches long enough, we'll have like a perfect rule book because he will found every single loophole that exists.

Speaker 5 Well, then they can just say things like common sense and just make up whatever they want.

Speaker 1 Right. That's true.
But it's crazy that this is how it kind of...

Speaker 1 And at the time, everyone was like, is this actually a good thing? But the way the Patriots offense was.

Speaker 5 It seemed like the Patriots were going to come down and just waste all the clock back and just kick a field goal and win.

Speaker 1 Right. But the way the Patriots, he took a calculated risk.
And

Speaker 1 we should also note that Rabel did this partially because his punter was incredible. Brett Kearns was insane.
Like he was, the field position game just tipped the way of the Titans all night long.

Speaker 1 So he did that. They had the motivation.
Did you see that? The Patriots gave the Titans bulletin board material.

Speaker 1 So after the game, a lot of the guys in the Titans locker room were talking about Kyle Van Noy talking about how this was going to be the Patriots' revenge tour.

Speaker 1 So they kept on bringing that up, saying, how's that revenge tour? And Mike Vrabel went into the post-game locker room with his players and said they wanted hyenas.

Speaker 1 They got fucking hyenas, referencing Tom Brady's hype video that he released on his Instagram Saturday morning.

Speaker 1 Which was an awesome hype video. Awesome.
Can I say that? Incredible.

Speaker 1 Incredible guy.

Speaker 5 Him and Edelman back to back.

Speaker 1 Oh, they're hype video fiends. They're always awesome.

Speaker 2 Tom Brady was saying, like, when you're a lion, when you're in front of a lion, it's too late to be scared. Is that what his whole message was?

Speaker 2 He didn't count on running into a Midwestern dentist that was going to shoot him in a protected game preserve.

Speaker 2 And Vrabel also went out on the field and basically just fucked the field before the game started. Yes.
He was planking on the sidelines for minutes at a time, just putting his dick inside the turf.

Speaker 2 Like Les Miles likes to pick up the grass and eat it. Mike Vrabel

Speaker 2 likes to come on the field.

Speaker 2 Shadow Booger, you should call that game. But it was intimidation from Vrabel from the very beginning.

Speaker 2 And in that showdown where they were just staring at each other, willing back and forth penalties and the clock melting.

Speaker 2 According to Aaron Schatz at Football Outsiders, the win probability for the Patriots decreased by 6.5%. There it is.
Which is pretty big.

Speaker 1 That is big. In a game that was at the same time.
That's tight, yeah.

Speaker 1 So, and then on top of all that, this one is just pure conjecture here, but the goal line stand that the Titans made in the first half, which basically was a huge, huge moment because the Patriots had moved it down the field a couple times.

Speaker 5 Just ran the

Speaker 1 same play three times.

Speaker 1 This is going to hurt Hank, but, and again, we don't know if Belichick was going to pick this guy, but Rashawn Evans, who made the big play, Alabama linebacker, the Titans in the draft two years ago traded up to get one spot ahead of the Patriots to pick him.

Speaker 1 Now, Bill Belichick loves Alabama players. I don't know, maybe they weren't going to get a linebacker.
They have a great defense. They have great linebackers.
But, like, that's another Vrabel thing.

Speaker 1 So, Vrabel has basically learned the Patriot way and then came in and did that. It was a crazy game.

Speaker 1 You watch that whole game, like, being like, okay, well, now the Patriots will probably, you know, do something here. Now they'll probably.

Speaker 1 And Edelman had the big drop, which is weird because he's always the guy who makes all the clutch plays.

Speaker 2 He also had that awesome end around, though, when Brady told him to get in position and pretended like he was.

Speaker 2 He pretended he was mad at Edelman, which would never happen because they're best friends.

Speaker 2 And so he was like, get in position right now, and then had him come in motion, took the handoff, ran an easy four touchdown.

Speaker 1 So this is the first time since 2003 that an AFC Championship game won't have Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, or Ben Rothesberger. And it's

Speaker 1 only the second time since that time, 2003, that the Super Bowl, the AFC representative from the Super Bowl, won't have those three guys. The only other time that it did happen, Joe Flacco.

Speaker 1 So it's crazy. Like, it's very weird that the Patriots are out in the wild card weekend.
The whole thing just feels odd.

Speaker 5 It does, but also, as of, I took a night, slept on it, and it's like, since we've moved to New York three years ago, since this show has existed, every year the Patriots have been in the Super Bowl when we're down there.

Speaker 5 Statistically, it can't happen every year. So it almost feels better that they, just because

Speaker 5 there's 31 other teams or whatever, it's just not going to happen every year. I'd rather they lose in the wild card.

Speaker 1 Thank you for calling the Browns, the Lions, the Bears a team. Appreciate that.

Speaker 5 Better to lose to a former Patriot and a guy that it's like the Patriots, it would have been

Speaker 1 better to lose this way to Raybelt. He has better

Speaker 5 because the Chiefs and Ravens are rivals. Their fans are annoying.
It's like they're the worst. Losing to them would would have been the worst.

Speaker 5 Losing to Guaya, where it's like the Patriots basically beat the Patriots. Vrabel, friend of the show, friend of the program.
I like him personally.

Speaker 5 It's like, all right, well, you know, you lost to them. Go out, beat the Ravens, beat the Chiefs.
It's much better losing to the Titans than any of the other teams left in the AFC. It is.

Speaker 1 You can, like, what Hank is saying, Patriots fans can spin that where it's like Mike Vrabel, the only thing that could beat the Titans. John Harvard didn't beat the Patriots.

Speaker 1 The only thing that could be

Speaker 1 the Patriot, who learned how to do the Patriot way, and the way he won that game, like the clock control and running Derrick Henry and winning with a power offense and their defense, which isn't that great of a defense statistically this year, playing really well.

Speaker 1 The whole thing is like, yeah, the Patriots beat the Patriots. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I could see that. You could also make the argument that it's good to have at least one former assistant.
of Bill Belichick to get him to be able to.

Speaker 1 Well, he was never even an assistant. He's not assistant.
Also, Brian Flores beat you too.

Speaker 2 Right. That's true, back-to-back.

Speaker 1 That was also.

Speaker 5 The Dolphins was already like the guard was up, Ten button was out.

Speaker 5 This might not be the year.

Speaker 2 You make the argument that the Patriots have a two-game winning streak going against the Patriots right now. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're 0 for 2

Speaker 1 at the right time. They're peaking at the right time.
The Patriots are beating the Patriots at the right time.

Speaker 2 It's going to be interesting seeing the Titans play against the Ravens next week because, I mean, that's probably going to be one of the shortest games in NFL history. Yes.

Speaker 2 It's just going to be run the ball, run the ball, run the ball, run the ball.

Speaker 1 Big Ten.

Speaker 1 I'm counting that as a Big Ten bowl win. Absolutely, you should.

Speaker 2 Hank, do you think there's any merit to the theory that the Patriots lost this game intentionally so that the Titans would get a worse draft pick

Speaker 2 so that Josh McDaniels and Tom Brady, when they go to the Colts next year,

Speaker 2 they'd have a little advantage over in the middle of the day.

Speaker 5 The Colts are going to rock McDaniels back. That's what you're saying?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think this is a long con by Josh McDaniels saying, not this year. Let me fuck up the draft position for the Titans real quick.
Then I'll come back and we'll be ahead of them.

Speaker 5 Well, surprisingly enough, we have the most compensory, compensation, whatever you call those things, compensatory.

Speaker 2 Compensatory.

Speaker 1 Did you see that someone had a great woe on Twitter on Saturday night that Tom Brady's, all the ankle stuff he has around his ankle, it's actually a buzzer that Ernie Adams hits every time there's blindside pressure.

Speaker 1 I believe it. And that's why he's the greatest of all time.
I believe it. With someone to that video, I was like, holy shit, dude.
Maybe?

Speaker 2 He's got eyes in the back of his head.

Speaker 1 And the only fault the Patriots had this year was like they forgot to change the batteries.

Speaker 1 That was it. I like that.

Speaker 1 The buzzer ran out. I like that a lot.

Speaker 1 So, Hank, where, because this is going to be the big discussion.

Speaker 1 What happens to Tom Brady? He's a free agent for the first time in his career.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 how are you feeling about the dynasty?

Speaker 5 Listen, 2009, the Patriots lost in the wildcard game to the Ravens. They got absolutely smoked.
Ray Rice had that first play touchdown. They got killed at home.
Everyone's like, the dynasty is over.

Speaker 5 That was the first dynasty. They went and had another complete dynasty.
So it's not.

Speaker 2 It's a double dynasty.

Speaker 5 They've had two dynasties. People aren't really giving it, like, the dynasty is over.
The second dynasty is over.

Speaker 2 Oh, double dynasty. Start of the third act for the Patriots.

Speaker 1 So you think there's a third one coming? I do not.

Speaker 5 I don't see Brady going anywhere else. Like, I've thought about it.
I understand that it's the first time in his career. He can do whatever he wants.

Speaker 5 But I just realistically, it's like one of those things where you can do whatever you want, but you don't want to leave your job. You don't want to leave.
Like, he runs the Patriots.

Speaker 5 He can do whatever he wants. He knows the system.
He knows everything. He would have to go move his family, new system, new coaches, new players.

Speaker 2 Not if he goes to McDaniels, though. If they go together.

Speaker 5 But where would they go?

Speaker 5 There's nowhere that they would go where I'd be like, oh, yeah, I could see that happening. I just don't, I don't, I understand that it's a possibility.
I just don't see it happening.

Speaker 1 The

Speaker 1 question that everyone keeps throwing out there, like, oh, yeah, Tom Brady might go to the Chargers or he might go here or there.

Speaker 1 I don't understand what the Patriots, like, who would they bring in that would be better than what Tom Brady is? Right. And I think.

Speaker 1 The only question is whether it comes down to money, because it's like if Tom Brady says, I want to get $30 million a year and I want it to be a two-year contract, then I could see Bill Belchick being like, I looked at the tape and you're not worth that.

Speaker 5 But I do think that

Speaker 5 whatever, when they drafted Jimmy G, Tom Brady was not like, he did not want them bringing in his like his

Speaker 5 successor. But now he knows he's older.
I don't think he's a good person.

Speaker 1 He might have been signing a two-year deal, but it's much different now.

Speaker 1 But the money thing is what I think is a good thing.

Speaker 5 I figured him if they're like, all right, we're going to give you the money that you want, but we're also going to draft a guy.

Speaker 5 And when you're done, he's going to be the guy, and you have to be okay with that.

Speaker 5 But we'll give you what you want for these two years because Kraft says he's the the most important player in the franchise. He's not going to like

Speaker 5 fuck him over with.

Speaker 1 But again, it comes down to Bill Belichick. The reason why you guys have had such

Speaker 1 sustained, insane success that probably we'll never see again in the NFL is because he always knows when a guy needs to go.

Speaker 5 But it wasn't really Brady's fault.

Speaker 5 He played well. Okay, I think he had no weapons, and the defense just shit the bed the last two games.

Speaker 1 I agree that Brady looks like he still has stuff in the tank.

Speaker 5 He was not the reason they lost either of those games.

Speaker 1 But that Titans' defense wasn't special, and they scored 13 points at home. Like, it wasn't a special defense.
That wasn't like they got beat by this insane, insanely good defense that shut them down.

Speaker 5 They ran the ball three times in a row on the goal line. They didn't even give them a chance to play.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was baffling. I agree.
That was bad. You were waiting for that, like, the clash or something.
Play action where no one's around Tom Brady's just standing there.

Speaker 2 I mean, that's also a product of the fact that they never replaced Gronk. They never even really tried to replace Gronk.
They got to get rid of the rest of the day.

Speaker 1 And they got rid of like 95 receivers this year.

Speaker 2 They play with nobody. They have a 90-year-old tight end that they tried to use to replace Rob Gronkowski, and that's not going to cut it.

Speaker 5 But I don't think Bill's looking at the team being like, oh, Tom is like, we need to get rid of Tom.

Speaker 1 No, I don't. And Tom is stability.

Speaker 5 It's like we can keep Tom on, get him some weapons.

Speaker 1 But I just agree.

Speaker 5 I think that they're going to be, I think that they're going to get a quarterback in the later rounds, but it's going to be less of like a

Speaker 1 this guy needs to start now. Here's the only thing I'll throw out.

Speaker 1 Last thing I'll throw out about it is I agree with you, Hank, that I would, if I had to put my money on it, that Tom Brady Brady would be back with the Patriots, and they would still be, probably win the AFC East, probably have, you know, either be competing for a first-round buy or somewhere around there.

Speaker 1 The only difference this time, it feels like, is that the other guys in the AFC are young and good. Like, it's not, it's now Mahomes and Lamar Jackson.

Speaker 1 Like, the competition has kind of regrown in the AFC where it's a lot harder than it was maybe four or five years ago.

Speaker 5 Yeah, but I don't think a team can win two out of the last three Super Bowls, be in three out of the last four, and then one wildcard playoff loss. The dynasty is not over.

Speaker 1 Okay, so one more year.

Speaker 2 But one more year. Hank, you said that there are two dynasties, but if they win.
Double dynasty. If they win next year, that's still a part of the second dynasty.
Yes.

Speaker 2 So if they'd have to go to the next one.

Speaker 1 If they lose again, would there then be the start of the third dynasty?

Speaker 5 No, well, I think if they win next year, it would be part of the second dynasty. But then if they win the year after that, then it's like

Speaker 5 you take, yeah, you take the most recent two, and that starts the third dynasty.

Speaker 2 Oh, you can pick and choose like that?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can change it.

Speaker 2 No, but a dynasty has to be

Speaker 2 three out of four.

Speaker 2 Or three out of five, I think, is a dynasty.

Speaker 1 Oh, man.

Speaker 2 Thought experiment. On the open market right now, let's just say it's Team X out there, okay? Not the New England Patriots.

Speaker 5 Also, Phil Rivers, someone, I think it was Will Brunson threw it out.

Speaker 5 Them replacing Tom Brady with Phil Rivers would be.

Speaker 1 Would be holy.

Speaker 2 That'd be great. Can you imagine if they replaced him with Jameis Winston? Bill Belichick's heart would explode.
He would just

Speaker 1 go insane. No, Bill Belichick would definitely get Jameis Winston and he'd throw like two interceptions.

Speaker 2 On the open market.

Speaker 1 I don't know if that's possible.

Speaker 1 But I actually would think it would happen.

Speaker 2 Who's worth more money? Jameis Winston or Tom Brady?

Speaker 1 Jameis.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 2 That's big of you to admit that, Hank.

Speaker 5 He's just got more years.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's 26. Yeah.
Andy's a future Hall of Famer. Do we know if Tom Brady's a future Hall of Famer? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Wait, is this a six-year bump for Ryan Tannehill?

Speaker 1 No, he's been in the league for like eight or nine. And he was so bad.
Like, if you look at Ryan Tannehill's stats, You would think the Patriots won by 40.

Speaker 2 Marcus Mariota outplayed him. He was one for one.

Speaker 1 The pity package for Marcus Mariota is hilarious.

Speaker 2 Basically, the package for Marcus Mariota is them saying, we're going to give Derrick Henry a 30-second break because he's carried the ball 17 times in a row.

Speaker 2 So we put Marcus out there and try not to fuck things up too bad for him.

Speaker 1 By the way, this guy on Twitter, because obviously Twitter was going crazy.

Speaker 1 I bet on the Patriots, so I couldn't enjoy the Twitter memes because I was so mad that I bet on the Patriots, even though I was just waiting for that to happen. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 You were waiting the whole game, like, okay, they're going to probably march down the field. But this guy, Joe Concha TV, I don't know where he's from.
TV. He said,

Speaker 1 the mockery of Brady on Twitter is so Twitter. Know this.
He's the greatest quarterback of all time. Nine Super Bowls, six championships.

Speaker 1 The unprecedented comebacks in said Super Bowl against the Seahawks and Falcons. Go ahead and laugh.
You'll never see another quarterback with this resume.

Speaker 1 I love when people don't understand Twitter and they try to make a point on Twitter about how bad Twitter is.

Speaker 2 Stop having fun and making jokes about people that you don't like.

Speaker 1 God forbid anyone makes a joke about a team losing, which we do when every team loses. Michael Jordan's a fucking crying face meme.
Yep.

Speaker 1 I love that shit. So

Speaker 1 we'll do Saggie Sorrows, and we'll maybe get to the real core of how you're feeling. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So, Hank, if you guys come back on Saturday for my name, if Tu is still on the board.

Speaker 1 That's your favorite Saturday night. You party.
You get ready for the big game. You wake up.
You're like, you're going to the game.

Speaker 5 Day off, Sunday night.

Speaker 1 He doesn't watch the games anyway.

Speaker 2 He has to watch from the Concourse. Yeah.

Speaker 5 But that's gone. I know.
Damn.

Speaker 2 If Tua is on the board, do you take him?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 2 No? No. You don't draft Tua?

Speaker 1 You don't want.

Speaker 2 You're insane.

Speaker 5 You're crazy. I don't want to deal with the

Speaker 5 bullshit media for like a year being like Tu is bullshit media.

Speaker 1 You got to get the lamestream media.

Speaker 5 Well, I mean, the Boston media is the worst. Like, they were the ones that were Jimmy G, Jimmy G, Jimmy G, Jimmy G.

Speaker 5 Just get someone in like the fourth or fifth round. Get a bad quarterback.
Yeah, like a. No, just a bunch of crazy.

Speaker 1 I'd rather have a bad quarterback than a good quarterback. A big 10, some big 10 or or like random Mac quarterback.
You have a Big Ten quarterback right now.

Speaker 5 I know. I'm just saying.
I'm saying like the third or fourth best Big Ten quarterback that's available.

Speaker 2 So you'd rather waste a pick on a shit.

Speaker 1 No one needs Stanley from Iowa.

Speaker 5 Tom Brady is proof that it's just development within the system. So you've got to get the next guy that's going to learn the system over the course of a couple years, but not threaten.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 I hear what you're saying. I understand what you're saying.
I think it's completely incorrect, but I get it.

Speaker 1 If you're Bill Bellach, you're an ignorant slut.

Speaker 2 but if you're thank you for bringing your point out hank thank you for speaking your mind so that i can know that you're wrong instead of just assuming that you're wrong about things uh but if you heard bill belichick talk after the game he sounded different than he's ever sounded in the past when they were asking him like okay what's what's it going to look like moving forward he's like i just need to take some time and think about the game that just happened which you never hear belichek say ever all so he's got some thoughts running through his head too like if brady's gone i don't know if if bill is going to stay around too much longer yeah i he loves football He can't do anything.

Speaker 1 If he leaves football, he's...

Speaker 2 Well, he could go to a front office position.

Speaker 1 No, I feel like the minute he stops coaching football, he's just going to.

Speaker 5 Or just go up in the booth and let Stevie take the reins.

Speaker 1 How about that absolute dunk by Belichick on that one reporter who said, Bill, what do you have to say to the fans who've been with you through thick and thin?

Speaker 1 And he was like, well, I'd say that there's been a lot more thick than thin. I'd say there's been no thin.
It's like, yeah, pretty good. I mean, that's a good flex.

Speaker 1 What's the thin?

Speaker 2 I think by thin, they just mean like

Speaker 1 wild card losses. Every 10 years.

Speaker 2 And the

Speaker 2 relentless NFL investigations into their various cheating methods.

Speaker 1 Okay, so get ready for the next,

Speaker 1 what would you say, six months of is the dynasty over?

Speaker 2 Yeah, so I mean, I'm going to be scouring the local real estate market to find out where Tom Brady is buying and selling houses non-stop.

Speaker 2 I'm going to find out where he's trying to enroll his kids in school because it's a normal thing to do that a lot of people are doing.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, we will have a lot to talk about. We are by no means done discussing whether or not the Patriots are done or if they're finished.

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Speaker 1 So get out there and make your Irish entrance. Anything else just wouldn't be proper.
Next game, from one possible dynasty ending to one Hall of Fame quarterback.

Speaker 1 career possibly ending. Now, I'm not going to do that.

Speaker 1 I told you so, but we did have this discussion about a month ago and I said, the one thing I'm nervous about is Drew Brees making two or three deep throws. He looked bad.
He looked bad on Sunday.

Speaker 1 That was a head scratcher of a loss for the Saints. And not taking anything away from the Vikings, who Kirk Cousins gets his big win and made big throws in overtime and deserves all the credit.

Speaker 1 He even brought back the you like that, but the Saints, like what a what a crazy three-year end

Speaker 1 to this whole thing where it's Minneapolis Miracle, the NFC Championship game, and then a home game against the Vikings, seven and a half-point favorites, and they lose in overtime.

Speaker 2 I think with Drew Brees, you can at least point to his thumb as being a problem.

Speaker 1 But this just happened last year.

Speaker 2 But they were still good enough to make the Super Bowl last year. They should have been in the Super Bowl last year.

Speaker 1 But their offense was still pretty good.

Speaker 2 And if you have like an 80% Drew Brees when they had Kamara and they had Ingram last year, and they've still got Kamara, I think that there's still a good enough offense when he's totally healthy.

Speaker 2 He didn't didn't look right today. Like the fumble that he had where he just dropped it

Speaker 2 out of his injured right hand, that was something that I don't buy that.

Speaker 1 I think he honestly, like, he was not mobile.

Speaker 1 The credit to the Vikings defense for having a great game plan where they basically just rushed him up the middle and he can't, he can't deal with that pressure.

Speaker 1 And I just don't understand why Sean Payton, like, Taysom Hill was electric. He was the best player on the field.
And I don't know why.

Speaker 1 I guess it's kind of a, you have to, you have to play Drew Brees. You have to keep playing Drew Brees.

Speaker 2 I mean, it was so funny.

Speaker 1 But if if Taysom Hill stays out there, they win that game.

Speaker 2 It was so funny when he gets taken off the field. And was it Troy Aikman that was like, I don't like any play where Drew Brees isn't on the field and then Taysom Hill throws a 50-yard bomb?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Taysom Hill runs for 30 yards and then Drew Brees comes on and fumbles right away. It's like, what the hell are they doing?

Speaker 1 They have that felt like a winnable game that they kind of lost because Drew Brees didn't have his best game. And I agree, like, Drew Brees is going to, I don't think he's going to retire.

Speaker 1 And he's still, I'd still take him over

Speaker 1 half, maybe more than half of the league. But

Speaker 1 you, like, if you watch that game and you're like, ooh, that's he wasn't really mobile.

Speaker 1 He couldn't, like, that interception was exactly what I was talking about a month ago, where at the end of the half, where he tries to throw it deep, he can't get enough on it, he underthrows it, and then the Vikings go and score to end the half, and it changes like basically the entire outcome of the game.

Speaker 2 I don't think that he's, he's definitely not what he once was, but I still think that he's good enough to get an NFC team to the Super Bowl.

Speaker 2 I think this Saints team was good enough to go to the Super Bowl. I mean, you saw against the 49ers just a few weeks ago.
There's still a good offensive team when they need to be.

Speaker 2 Drew Brees, I think there's some questions about his health. I think he'll be fine next year.
He's not going to be like MVP-level Drew Brees that we've seen before.

Speaker 2 But based on the team they have around him, I don't know. I still think that he's good enough.
But then Taysom Hill coming in,

Speaker 2 so he's able to throw like a 50-yard pass because... You don't know what he's going to do out there.
You assume that he might be running the ball because

Speaker 2 he's not a Swiss Army knife. He's a leatherman.
You know those Leatherman tools? They're like more durable than a Swiss Swiss Army knife. They don't have a wine opener on them.

Speaker 2 So he's a Mormon, so he wouldn't need that anyways. He's like a hardcore, gritty version of a Swiss Army knife.

Speaker 2 And when you have a guy that can run you over playing quarterback, it opens up other things on the field. So when he throws the ball,

Speaker 2 there's still a little bit of novelty to it, right? So I don't think he could go out there and be a better quarterback than Drew Brees.

Speaker 1 I shouldn't put it all on Drew Brees either because... Unfortunately to say, Mike Zimmer out-coached the hell out of Sean.
Sean Payton had a weird game.

Speaker 1 He had a very weird game, some weird play calls in the first half, some weird clock management at the end of regulation. The whole thing, it just felt like he let that game kind of slip away too.
And

Speaker 1 again, not taking anything away. The Vikings deserve all the credit in the world.
I don't think anyone gave him a chance to win that game. I sure as hell didn't.

Speaker 2 No, I bet against him.

Speaker 1 And they, Kirk Cousins,

Speaker 1 I don't think Kirk Cousins was incredible, but he made the plays when he had to, and their defense stepped up, and Dalvin Cook looked 100% healthy.

Speaker 1 And that was, that's the Vikings team that everyone watches, like, beat up on bad teams. You're like, this team has so much talent.
Where is it?

Speaker 1 They put it all together on one Sunday afternoon in New Orleans and win a shocker.

Speaker 2 There is a lesson in Kirk Cousins for all of us, and that's don't take any assignments that you think you might fail at. So he doesn't take many chances.

Speaker 2 He'll crumple up like a little ball and sell it.

Speaker 1 Oh, he's self-sacked. Yeah,

Speaker 2 he'll fall down.

Speaker 2 He throws the ball out of bounds to throw intentional incompletions. He doesn't take any chances.
So he's not really going to.

Speaker 2 going to light up the scoreboard against a good defense, but he's also not going to fuck things. He's not going to kill you, as Mike Tomlin would would say.

Speaker 2 And to his credit, I've been a guy that has shot down the throat

Speaker 2 of Kirk Cousins, and I've enjoyed doing it, and I'll probably continue to do it, but I'll give credit where it's due. That was a clutch pass that he threw.

Speaker 1 It was

Speaker 1 to Thielen. It was like a 50-yard run

Speaker 2 and then to Rudolph in the end zone for the last. You know what? That's where it all turned around for Kirk Cousins this year, where he remembered that he was allowed to throw passes to his tight end.

Speaker 2 Yes. And that he had a really good tight end.
Because at the start of the season, it was like Rudolph was not there. He was non-existent in the offense.

Speaker 2 And then having that type of outlet and throwing like probably the least creative touchdown pass, the tight end fade to end the game.

Speaker 2 But he threw it up where it needs to be. And when you have a big player like that, fuck yeah, throw it up to him.

Speaker 1 So there's one guy out there probably who's got like a half Kirk Cousins, Michigan State, half Vikings jersey.

Speaker 1 He's probably in like Edina or Eden Prairie or somewhere who's never given up on Kirk Cousins. Today is your day.
That's it.

Speaker 1 Like you, there, there are, there can't be more than 15 people on this earth outside of Kirk Cousins' immediate family, and I don't even know if I'd count all them, who went into this game.

Speaker 1 Like, I've referenced before, but I have some close friends from Minnesota. They were texting me all game, like, here comes Kirk.
He's going to fuck it up. He's going to fuck it up.

Speaker 1 Because that's what they've grown to expect in big games. So, to whoever's out there, I would like to see the receipts.
Like, someone show me.

Speaker 1 a screen grab of all the times you've defended Kirk Cousins. He's chicken thin.
Yeah, no, because you know there's some psycho on Twitter who will be like, Kirk Cousins advanced. Basically,

Speaker 1 101. Yeah, Jameis 101 for Kirk Cousins.
I want to know that person because I will give you a retweet

Speaker 1 and you deserve your victory lap for winning a big game, a playoff game in New Orleans.

Speaker 2 It was a huge game. But, I mean, let's not get carried away.
Kirk Cousins wasn't incredible. Oh,

Speaker 1 he's going to shit down his leg in San Francisco.

Speaker 2 He will eventually. And he wasn't great in this game.

Speaker 2 He made a couple great throws.

Speaker 1 But he didn't kill him. He didn't.
He didn't kill him. He didn't kill him.
He didn't kill him.

Speaker 2 Mike Tomlin.

Speaker 1 Kirk didn't kill him.

Speaker 2 And I will e-crow. I did Dunchain the Vikings way prematurely this year.
Off of a win. Off of a win because Kirk Cousins looked like Kirk Cousins, and now he looks like Kirk Cousins.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to say version 2.1. Kirk Cousins version 1.12 is what he looks like right now.
I'm sure.

Speaker 1 He brought back that you liked that. He did.
Yeah. And everyone, play the hits.

Speaker 2 Such a catchy phrase.

Speaker 1 What were you going to say, Hank?

Speaker 5 I would be.

Speaker 1 That was a passive deference. Okay, so that moment, the Rudolph.

Speaker 5 The fact that they didn't review it is insane.

Speaker 1 We were talking about this during the the Eagles Seahawks game. There needs to be a word for

Speaker 1 the three seconds as a fan that you sit there after a big play, a big fourth down doesn't go your way and you're like, there's got to be a flag. So those that three seconds,

Speaker 1 you just live in those three seconds. That's where like all hope just lives.

Speaker 1 In those three seconds, you can bottle it up where they show it and then maybe the secondary is celebrating and you're like, like there has to be a flag there has to be a flag the saints game ended on that which that was just classic i think that was just no i think that was just classic hand fighting i don't think there was a penalty there but to sit there if you're a saints fan and be like turn those machines back on i want to see a replay would you want this to happen usually it lasts for about like you said three seconds it's a delayed flagification yeah might be a good term for that but it's the largening stage of grief it's where you're like maybe it's not over maybe maybe something's going to come in and save me from my certain death.

Speaker 2 And in this case, it came about 15 seconds after the play. Like, they had all swarmed the field, and then the announcer was like, wait, wait a second.

Speaker 2 Drew Brees was like looking around like a prairie dog on the sidelines like something was happening. Yep.

Speaker 1 And they were reviewing it. And you were pushing people off the field.

Speaker 2 It was a great, great call because you could really see it either way.

Speaker 2 If you were to sit down and explain to me by letter of the law that it was pass interference on Rudolph, I would probably be like, yeah, you might be right.

Speaker 2 And then if you were to say that's classic hand fighting, I could see that point too. Yeah, it happened.
It was enough where it gave me, you know what it did?

Speaker 2 It just gave me an extra 10 seconds of football where I thought the game was still going on.

Speaker 1 No, it's those three seconds, if you add them up, like I would say every football fan spends a year of their life waiting for a flag.

Speaker 1 If you live to 85 years old, you've spent one full year of your life in those three seconds.

Speaker 1 Or even, it even counts when a player makes an, when the opposing team makes an unbelievable catch, you're like, there's no way he was inbounds. Yeah, it was.

Speaker 1 Those three seconds are fucking thrilling. It's a drug.

Speaker 2 It is a a drug. It's because we all grow up thinking that we're all the protagonists of our own reality.
We think that we're the star of the show, right? So the team that we root for, that's our team.

Speaker 2 There's no way that the bad guys can win. So when it looks like the bad guys win, it's like when a movie, when Friday Night Lights ends, you're just sitting there in the theater and you're like, wait,

Speaker 2 that's not really the end, right?

Speaker 2 They win. They have to win.

Speaker 2 That's what you have when you watch your team just ultimately meet their demise. And yeah, I was hoping for replay review just so I could extend that game a little longer in my own brain.

Speaker 2 Is it time to have the conversation, though, of whether or not overtime needs to be changed in the playoffs? Because we always have to have this.

Speaker 1 Fuck off.

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 listen, the Saints had one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL that didn't get a chance to throw the ball in overtimes. And also, they had Drew Brees,

Speaker 2 and they did not get a chance to play offense. And you know what? We didn't get a chance to see the Vikings defense in overtime, and they're really good, too.

Speaker 5 Both captains called heads, too, which was surprising. Yes.
In both games.

Speaker 1 Yes, Josh Allen. That was even the

Speaker 1 lateral was crazy, but calling heads in overtime was even crazier.

Speaker 1 And, yeah, I mean, that game actually had a couple possessions, but this, I, yeah, the Saints. And,

Speaker 1 of course, this is going to make the Packers easier because the Saints would have gone to Green Bay now. The Seahawks do, and they're battered.
And we'll finish with that game. Seahawks, Eagles,

Speaker 1 basically

Speaker 1 two teams that are playing all the backups. And then, on top of all of it, Jadavion Clowney with the cheapest hit on Carson Wentz concusses him.
That was,

Speaker 1 it sucks to hear this as an Eagles fan, if you're an Eagles fan listening to this right now, but that's exactly how the season was going to end because everyone else got hurt around him.

Speaker 1 Of course, Carson Wentz makes it 16 games and then gets a total cheap shot and a concussion that you cannot, like, there's nothing he can do.

Speaker 1 And of course, like, Danny Connell, I think, had the hot take that brains are built differently and maybe his brain is soft.

Speaker 2 He's got a weak brain. Yeah.
It's a classic case of a weak brain.

Speaker 1 Anyone who's calling Carson Wentz injury prone off of that is fucking bullshit because Jadevian Clowney assaulted him. Yeah, I mean assault.

Speaker 2 It was definitely assault.

Speaker 2 Carson Wentz injury prone. I mean, you could say that because he has been injured a lot, but they're kind of the freak injury.

Speaker 2 You know, like when he's jumping through the air, he gets hit in his knee while his legs aren't on the ground.

Speaker 5 Edelman wakes up with one of those hits every morning. That's what I don't.
I mean. Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 Edelman's got a hard brain.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he does.

Speaker 2 He's got a hard brain. He's got a canal brain.

Speaker 1 So either way, we got Josh McCown, which was thrilling because Josh McCown is the most beloved guy in all sports. And

Speaker 1 the backup's backup. He is the quintessential backup quarterback.
And he actually kind of made some plays.

Speaker 2 Well, so I was actually thinking that the Eagles were going to win this game when he got in because the Seahawks, when they lose games, they always lose the weirdest fucking games of all time.

Speaker 2 And losing a playoff game to Josh McCown, McCown, who is making his first appearance in the playoffs, despite having played since, what, 1994

Speaker 2 in the NFL?

Speaker 2 The fact that they could have lost that game would have fit in so well with Seattle's entire M.O. Like,

Speaker 2 they just play weird games, but they lose weird games more often than not. Yeah.
And so I was hoping that we were going to get a Josh McCown playoff win.

Speaker 2 It would have been nice to...

Speaker 1 You get to watch the no-fap video that he's famous for. That's right.

Speaker 2 He eschews pornography. He doesn't do...

Speaker 1 Sometimes you wake up in Omaha, you think you're going to Detroit, and you're jerking off on a plane.

Speaker 1 I think that was the moral of the story.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I feel like that helps, though, because if you're not watching porn, you have to work on fantasy.

Speaker 1 No, he's alpha. He's pure alpha.

Speaker 2 So you spend more time visualizing things. Yeah.
Which helps when you're on a football field and you're doing like spatial visualization.

Speaker 1 So Russell Wilson was great.

Speaker 1 Marshawn Lynch had...

Speaker 1 Not a good game, but he had the quintessential beast mode run where he was tackled like six times on the goal line and still got in. I think he had six rushes for seven carries.

Speaker 1 Or no, seven carries for six yards and a touchdown.

Speaker 2 Like a two-yard touchdown, too, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, DK Metcalf was insane.

Speaker 1 That was also DK, like the Eagles were damned if you do, damned if you don't, because they either blitzed and got pressure or they didn't.

Speaker 1 And Russell Wilson had a million seconds back, you know, to throw. So like even the last play, they brought the pressure and DK Metcalf was ran by every single person.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and so he's got these inspector gadget arms too. When he gets down like towards the end zone where he reaches out, he can get another like yard and a half just by extending his arm out there.

Speaker 2 And they keep saying, the announcers keep saying like DK Metcalf has turned into a complete wide receiver.

Speaker 2 Well, he hasn't really run any other routes, but he's just really fucking good at those routes. He's got the lateral mobility of a rook in chess, but he's still a very effective chess piece.

Speaker 2 He can get straight downfield, and he's bigger than you and he's stronger than you. So like he doesn't have to be able to run like a full route tree to be really good.

Speaker 2 And I think there's something to to what you brought up last week where the fact that the Seahawks are missing all the running backs and they're going back to the well

Speaker 2 means

Speaker 2 Carroll can't take the ball out of Russ Wilson's hand. Correct.
He wants to so very badly.

Speaker 1 Yes, Brian Shot never wants to establish the run at all times.

Speaker 2 He Carol's going to wake up in cold sweats tonight thinking about Saudi hijackers and also about whether or not he can get the ball to his running back a couple times.

Speaker 1 And Russell Wilson had nine carries. I think every single one of them ended with him doing that slide where he's trying to get a late hit.

Speaker 2 It's so good. There were so many of them.
He slides his head into players' knees. It's so ridiculous.

Speaker 2 And when Josh McCown got in the game, credit to Josh McCown, too, because it looked like, so he's obviously not the best athlete anymore. He can still throw the ball pretty well.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 But he was using all the old veteran tricks. Oh, yeah.
All the vet tricks. It was like in Rookie of the Year.
You remember when he lost his fastball? Yes.

Speaker 2 And he had to play all those mind games with the guys on base. McCown was doing all sorts of hard counts.

Speaker 2 He was doing little head fakes to try to upload pass rushers without having to actually move his feet.

Speaker 2 So I wanted to see, i wanted to see a mccount victory we didn't get it uh but now we've got seattle going to green bay which weird shit happens weird shit happens we're going to get the ball we're going to score matt hasselbeck the the uh famous nfc championship game in seattle yeah when they when the packers i mean i look that was one of my favorite games that was one of my favorite chicago bears game in the last decade yeah uh the the replacement refs game Yes, the Fail Mary.

Speaker 2 Weird shit happens when those two color schemes get together. That's true.

Speaker 1 And the the packers i don't know man the packers shut up they're looking at all this they're gonna the vikings are somehow beat the viking or the the 49ers and then the packers are gonna play the vikings in the nfc championship game and beat them by 100 so the packers are gonna win ugly next week i think they're gonna beat the seahawks i hope they get blasted by the 49ers uh last thing on the eagles it's loser talk but if you're an eagles fan i feel like you walk away from this season like Those guys, it's almost perfectly Philadelphia, and this obviously helps that you won a Super Bowl a couple years ago but that was the most ragtag group of guys who somehow willed them to the NFC East Championship and gets them to you know a home playoff game and almost beats the Seahawks with their fucking backup quarterback and like six backup or not even backup practice squad guys as skill positions that's one of those weird games where you're mad your team lost but you're also like proud of how fucking hard they fought all season long.

Speaker 1 They never gave up.

Speaker 2 It was also crazy at the end.

Speaker 2 Like I was asking, what's going to happen if josh mccowan gets injured who's their emergency quarterback and it was ward who's also their emergency wide receiver correct he's just an all-emergency guy and he's he doesn't have a position he had to do it yeah he's just the break glass in case of emergency crazy crazy all right let's uh let's do who's back so my seekeek question promo code take Put in promo code take, you get $10 off SeatGeek purchase.

Speaker 1 Hank, you can use it for the Super Bowl. $10 off.
Oh, wait. You're not going to Super Bowl this year.
That really does suck because that is your favorite. Literally.
And I know that.

Speaker 5 I haven't had a day off or vacation in God knows how long.

Speaker 1 You need it.

Speaker 5 I was looking forward to it. In Miami, too, one weather.

Speaker 1 I know that Saturday when we all leave and you stay for your party and all your friends come down and you got like Mr. VIP because what happens is we all leave.

Speaker 1 So, so, so all of our invites go to you, and you get to go to the parties, and then you get to go to the game.

Speaker 5 It's great. Concert Saturday night, and then the concert post-game Super Bowl party concert.
There's nothing better. So, yeah, it's tough.

Speaker 2 Okay, Hank, do you have a backup team?

Speaker 1 The Titans. Yeah.
Okay. Yeah.
All right. Who's your who's back?

Speaker 5 Also, I was thinking about this too. Like, again,

Speaker 5 5% chance Brady leaves. If he does leave, I would be the biggest, whatever team that is fan in the world.
Yes. And he would become the most beloved player of all time.

Speaker 1 If he left.

Speaker 5 Because everyone would just root for him because he's not in the Patriots anymore.

Speaker 2 Really? You think so?

Speaker 1 It depends on where he went. Yeah.

Speaker 2 What if he goes to the Cowboys?

Speaker 1 Yeah. That'd be electric.
I can't imagine Tom Governor. What if he goes to the Giants?

Speaker 5 He would not go to the Giants.

Speaker 1 That would be the only team. The only team.
No, he wouldn't go to the Jets, too, I'd assume.

Speaker 5 Yeah, but I wouldn't even care. Like, the Jets is funny.

Speaker 1 What if he goes to the Dolphins?

Speaker 5 AFC East would be tough, but still, I would still low-key be like every time, except for when you're playing the Patriots. It would be awesome.

Speaker 2 It would be awesome if he rounds. If he goes to the Dolphins and he wins a Super Bowl there and becomes the best Dolphins quarterback of all time,

Speaker 1 how pissed off would Dan Reno be walking around pounding deaths?

Speaker 2 So angry.

Speaker 1 All right, who's your who's who's back?

Speaker 5 I got a few. My first one is The Bachelor.

Speaker 5 Back tonight. Nice.
Unfortunately. And this was kind of crazy, but Bachelor Season 19 and Bachelor Paradise contestant,

Speaker 5 Jade Roper, won the DraftKings Fantasy Football Millionaire contest.

Speaker 2 Oh, good. Good for him.

Speaker 1 He won it. And now he's the Bachelor.
She won it. She won it.
She was a bachelor contestant.

Speaker 2 That was really sexist of me.

Speaker 5 Jade, I mean, her name's Jade.

Speaker 1 I thought the guys could be the best. The Doctor's the Mom.

Speaker 1 That's it. Yeah.
Yeah. Started.
Yeah, so that was crazy.

Speaker 5 Little bachelor football combination.

Speaker 1 It's Jade, and we're like, oh, man, fuck that guy who won the fantasy football championship.

Speaker 5 And also, awards season is back.

Speaker 1 How many dudes who just have been silently farting in their pants for the last three months were so mad that a chick won the fantasy extremely extremely.

Speaker 1 All right,

Speaker 1 award season's back.

Speaker 5 Yes, Golden Gloves are on right now. Brad Pitt looks hot as shit.

Speaker 5 And so I think what's that? It's like three weekends in a row, basically.

Speaker 1 Who all these Hollywood liberals can enjoy their award season when we're about to be at war?

Speaker 2 Yeah, how about that? Look at these snowflakes up there. Damn.
I thought Tropical Storm Henry was going to dump a lot of snow on the East Coast. Turns out it's on, what is this? L.A.? Probably.

Speaker 2 Yeah, probably Los Angeles.

Speaker 1 There's coastal shows. That's where most award shows are.

Speaker 1 What are they doing this in that fucking Tinseltown place? Indy. What's that called? The Hollywood? Okay.

Speaker 1 Is that your all?

Speaker 2 That's it. That's it.
My who's back of the week is the Washington Capitals.

Speaker 2 So it is 2020. It is even-year bullshit for the Capitals.
They win the Stanley Cup every year.

Speaker 1 What happens when they don't win it this year? Then I'm just

Speaker 2 going to have to figure some other spin zone to make my brain feel better. But it's 2020.
They won in 2018. They're about to win it again.

Speaker 2 I think they have the best record in hockey right now. They just came back from a two-gold deficit tonight to win in overtime against the Sharks.

Speaker 1 Why'd you Francesa the last seven games for us? That's seven seven.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 they beat the Hurricanes in the last one.

Speaker 2 I know that they're like 29 and 5 or something like that. They're fucking awesome.

Speaker 5 Tom Wilson suspended yet?

Speaker 2 Tom Wilson's not suspended yet. He's not going to get suspended because he's just clumsy.
Why are you penalizing a guy for having bad inner-ear equilibrium, Hank?

Speaker 1 I'm not. I'm just asking a question.
Yeah, it was a fair question.

Speaker 1 Very fair question.

Speaker 2 Okay, I'm not going to bring up anything about the Patriots. So,

Speaker 2 yeah, the Capitals are back. They're going to win the Stanley Cup this year.
I'm excited about that. Also, who's back is the just Hornets, Hornets in general.
Hornets are back. Single ones?

Speaker 2 Single ones, especially.

Speaker 2 If you live on the West coast in the Pacific Northwest, giant Asian hornets have invaded Seattle, invaded the Washington area, invaded British Columbia, Canada.

Speaker 5 I don't think you can invade without a motive. They just migrated there.

Speaker 2 No, they invaded. They're an invasive species.

Speaker 1 No, they just went there.

Speaker 2 They just went there?

Speaker 1 Well, no, yeah, like Hank's right. They weren't like, hey, we got to go take this area over.

Speaker 2 I think they did.

Speaker 1 Some asshole. You don't know how hornets operate.
Some asshole went to fucking Hong Kong and brought back an orange, and there was a hornet inside of it, and then they fucking came everywhere. So

Speaker 2 they're an invasive species.

Speaker 1 That's why they tell you: like, are you bringing back any fruit?

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 they're slaughtering honeybees. Yeah.
So bees are dying at an alarming rate up in Washington right now.

Speaker 2 So for all you haters that said that hornets weren't dangerous, hope you don't live on the West Coast.

Speaker 1 Well, you didn't say Asian hornet.

Speaker 2 Well, the Asian hornet is a hornet. You said a single hornet.
I was implied that it was an Asian hornet. Oh, got it.

Speaker 1 Got it. It was a giant.

Speaker 1 All right, my who's back is crime documentaries on Netflix.

Speaker 1 Hank talked about this last show, but don't fuck with cats. I watched it on Friday night.
It is fucked up, and we're going to do a review of it on Wednesday. So watch it.
We'll talk about it.

Speaker 1 It's only three hours. It's only three hours.
It's less than the Irishman. It goes so fast.
You can watch it on Monday night. You can watch it on Tuesday night.

Speaker 1 You have no excuse. It's three hours.
We're going to do a full review because it is fucking insane. If you,

Speaker 1 yeah, like it's one of those documentaries you watch and then you just think about for the next like three days.

Speaker 5 It's funny too, but it's also like fucked up. It's like this is funny and hopeful that this is real, but like there's definitely funny parts.

Speaker 1 Similar to the Firefest documentary, in a different way, but like one of those documentaries that gets you talking, gets the people buzzing.

Speaker 2 So I sit down, I schedule what, three hours to three hours.

Speaker 1 Three hours.

Speaker 1 So easy.

Speaker 2 I'll do that tomorrow. So easy.

Speaker 1 My other who's back is old stats that everyone can say wow at because Derrick Henry, I don't know if you guys saw, but his high school stats were going around on Saturday night.

Speaker 1 This is like when Reggie Bush's high school videotape was going around and everyone's like, holy shit.

Speaker 1 So Derrick Henry's stats are going around and in high school, his senior year, it has like all the games. There was a game where he had 57 carries for 485 yards and six touchdowns.

Speaker 2 57 carries?

Speaker 1 He had 57 carries. There were four games where he had six touchdowns and another two games where he had five.

Speaker 2 Is that not child abuse to give a 17-year-old 57 carries?

Speaker 1 No, I think it's child abuse on the other side. To run other people over with them.
Yes. Like the defense, they'd be like, what are you doing?

Speaker 2 I mean, that's too much. At some point, after about maybe carry 45 or 46, you just stop trying.

Speaker 1 You've made your point.

Speaker 1 He had one game where he had 45 carries for 510 yards and six touchdowns.

Speaker 2 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 The coach, I would love to talk to this coach where he just basically was playing a video. It was Herm Edwards.
This game is actually even crazier. He had 21 carries for 404 yards and six touchdowns.

Speaker 1 He was averaging 19 yards a carry.

Speaker 2 That's crazy. That is insane.

Speaker 2 The only way that I can think that those stats exist is on a Canadian field where he can get up to like, what, 120 yards on any given carry? Insane.

Speaker 1 I love it.

Speaker 1 I love the old stats, though, like when people go down like the Barry Bonds or the Tony Gwynn rabbit hole or they look up that 2000 Miami Hurricanes football team or the Reggie Bush.

Speaker 2 There's nothing better than be like, holy shit, this guy was this good?

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 I want to know what kind of competition he was playing against, too. I mean, it doesn't.
Probably not great.

Speaker 1 I could see him, if he played the worst team in the NFL, he could probably get, if they ran him 57 times,

Speaker 1 he could probably get 400 yards.

Speaker 2 Yeah, if you gave Derrick Henry 57 carries against the Ravens next week, how many yards do you think he gets?

Speaker 1 57 carries. He'd get like 220 yards.

Speaker 2 That's probably good enough to win.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 2 57 carries. Control the clock.

Speaker 1 57 carries.

Speaker 2 That's awesome. How is there even time in a game to do that?

Speaker 1 That's probably the craziest thing. They must not have passed.

Speaker 2 It's because there's a running clock when you get tackled inbounds, obviously. So, like, just having the time to execute 57 handoffs.

Speaker 1 He's like Army or Navy's offense by himself.

Speaker 2 It's insane. Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. Let's do.
Let's actually talk to Kyle Long. So he just retired.
Before we do that, you got to add real quick, Pete. I'm not going back to college to be your friend.

Speaker 1 I'm going so I can get Uber One for students. It saves you on Uber and Uber Eats.
I'm there for $0 delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 10% off smoothies, and 6% Uber credits back on rides.

Speaker 1 Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think college is for.

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Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 yeah, let's talk to Kyle Long. So he announced his retirement during the Eagles Seahawks game, game, and we got him on the phone for a few minutes to talk about what he's going to do in retirement.

Speaker 1 Kyle Long.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on a very good friend of ours. He has announced his retirement, not on part of my take, which we won't hold that against him.

Speaker 2 I'm kind of going to hold it against you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'll hold it against you. But it is three-time Pro Bowler, bear for life, Kyle Long.
First off, congratulations on the retirement.

Speaker 1 You must feel great being able to retire a very rich man at 31 and walking away as a bear for life.

Speaker 8 Well, you know what? I can honestly say I am happy knowing that

Speaker 8 there's been things I've done in my career that not a lot of guys can say they've done.

Speaker 8 But at the end of the day, like anybody else who plays in the NFL, Father Time finds a way to catch up to your ass. And,

Speaker 8 you know, it's been so much fun playing in Chicago. So many opportunities I've had, so many great folks like yourself that I've been able to get to know.

Speaker 8 And

Speaker 8 I was talking to another O-lineman from the NFC North last week, and we were actually talking about this decision that I made today.

Speaker 8 And he said, you know, if somebody told you, come into my office, I got a great deal for you.

Speaker 8 And you walk into the office and the guy says, I'm going to hand you a million dollars, but I get to kick you in the nuts every time.

Speaker 8 He said, at which point would you say, I have been kicked in the nuts enough times and I have enough millions to walk away?

Speaker 8 And that's kind of the situation that every NFL player gets into. And it's an amazing analogy that my buddy said.
And I won't say his name because, you know, it's TJ Lang.

Speaker 2 David Back to Yard.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What do you say? TJ Lang.

Speaker 2 Back to Yard. It was TJ Lang.

Speaker 1 Absolutely TJ. Yeah, 100% TJ Lang.
That was the first thing I thought of when you're like, another NFC North lineman, cool guy. TJ Lang.

Speaker 8 You know, you get kicked in the nuts enough. You're going to want to stop getting kicked in the nuts no matter how much they're paying you.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 8 And, you know, I hate to say that playing in the NFL is like getting kicked in the nuts because it's not. I had a lot of fun, so many opportunities, like I said.

Speaker 8 And, you know, now I'm on vacation, bro, and I'm going to get a tan. Like Drake said, you know, I got that long hair and that, that, uh, what did he say? That salt is still in my hair and shit, man.

Speaker 1 Might have listened to me.

Speaker 8 Drake said, my hair smells like a vacation. I don't have hair, but I'm going to find a way to get my pubes to smell a vacation.

Speaker 2 Okay. There you go.
He also said, imagine if I never met the broskis, and you've made a lot of friends along the way. So it sounds like

Speaker 8 so many broskies.

Speaker 1 Yeah, actually, this is perfect because I wanted to bring this broski up because it's it's topical.

Speaker 1 Your former teammate Josh McCown came in relief today in Philadelphia.

Speaker 1 I joke that he is literally like the perfect backup because half of the league considers him his best friend

Speaker 1 because he's that good of a guy. Do you have any Josh McCown stories from when he took over in relief for Jay Cutler in that year?

Speaker 8 You know, it's hard looking back because it's so far away, but I do remember a few games, the Cowboys game, Monday Night Football, where we blew out the Cowboys.

Speaker 8 It was like negative 85 degrees and there was 40 miles an hour wind.

Speaker 8 You know, we ran the ball well that day. He had the ball to Al Shon in the back right of the end zone, I think, to finish the half.
He was under pressure.

Speaker 8 I believe,

Speaker 8 you know, there were games where we didn't have any chance of being in. And Josh McCounty gave us a chance, and now we've seen that with other teams in the NFL.
It's really cool, man.

Speaker 8 I mean, for a guy that was coaching a JV football team, eight years ago to come to our team on the Bears and say, hey, man, I'm Josh.

Speaker 8 I was just, you know, i was drawing up some hail marys last week for the high school now i'm here to throw them

Speaker 8 that's crazy yes and he did it and we saw it tonight uh credit to him man credit to josh did you ever play basketball with him because i saw some highlights of him playing and the guy is deadly on the court yeah he's got hops he's got those kind of bunnies that uh you know it's it's a it's the rogue wave so to speak the white guy that can jump out of the gym and That's kind of how he was.

Speaker 8 I know Cutler was kind of similar in his skill set, but I think McCow might have had had a little bit more bunnies.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So, um, about the timing of your retirement here, what was the process like? Because you, you tweeted out that you were retiring in the second half of the Eagles Seahawks game.

Speaker 2 I feel like there could have been a time that you could have tweeted out to get more buzz going, get more people talking about you.

Speaker 8 Well, you know what? It's funny. I figured when uh

Speaker 8 so I started vacation yesterday. I went, I spoke to Ryan, Pace, and Matt Nagan.
I told him, Look, thank you for everything.

Speaker 8 And, you know, it's, it's a not you, it's me type type of deal, you know, like any classic

Speaker 8 relationship.

Speaker 8 I'm on vacation now, so I'm chilling. And I guess it was half the hour.
I showed up at the right time. And I don't know what the beers are called down here.

Speaker 1 Cervisas.

Speaker 5 Cervisas.

Speaker 8 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's a great retirement. That's a great just being like, all right, you know what? Let's just do it now.
Let's just tweet it now.

Speaker 1 I saw also your tweet that you finally got your pads after years and years of asking for them. How does that work?

Speaker 1 I just always assumed that you would get to keep your equipment, but you never did until your last day at House Hall, and you're like, hey, can I actually get this stuff?

Speaker 8 Well, as a guy whose dad played, I grew up around a lot of cool equipment at the house that was, you know, it's all antiques. It was like an antique show at our house, and it's all football stuff.

Speaker 8 And as I went through my career, one thing my dad always said is, make sure you save your helmet, make sure you save your pads, make sure you save your cleats because you'll have kids one day and they're going to want to see this stuff or, you know, it'll be important to you.

Speaker 8 And Tony Medlin never let me have my stuff, but I mean, that was his job. And when he finally realized that I was serious and

Speaker 8 it's time to go home for the big fella, he said, you know, take your stuff, man. Get on out of here.

Speaker 1 There it is.

Speaker 2 Yeah, how did Eli get so many pairs of pads and helmets then? If you can't even get one until you retire, that's weird to me.

Speaker 8 I think it's funny. You know, the Super Bowl ring probably has something to do with it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, I'd say that's fair.

Speaker 1 My biggest question about your retirement, because every lineman who retires, they lose a drastic amount of weight. Would you consider maybe gaining like 300 pounds and making a story out of that

Speaker 8 i last year for the eagles game and the wild card i was 352.

Speaker 8 this year right now i'm 281.

Speaker 1 whoa you should get to like all right so if you're already on the path to getting skinny you should try to get like 190 and then have because then you get barred pants yeah jared from subway charger center is my he is my uh He's really my fit inspo.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 8 Okay.

Speaker 8 He's also tatted, so he looks way cooler than I do.

Speaker 1 but you get you get like the everyone will just you'll get all that buzz like did you see how much weight kyle long lost and you can just take pictures everyone like oh my god that's crazy so yeah you should get to like 190 be like an actual skinny guy because after the viral video that went out i had a few teammates the viral video what viral video football game which one are you talking about

Speaker 8 okay so the video comes out my my pee-pee is on the internet and all my teammates said kyle kyle you know what you gotta do now dog and i said what's that And they're like, sex tape.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yep.
Yo, seriously, though, if you lose like another 80 pounds, your pee-pee is going to look a lot bigger.

Speaker 8 Like at least a two-incher.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's all about the proportions.

Speaker 2 That's actually really good advice. Yeah, just have one leap.

Speaker 8 Honestly, I got to sit down for some rice and beans right now. But you guys have an awesome night.
Have a great weekend. Or a great week.
Yeah, every day is the weekend now, I guess. Fuck.

Speaker 1 Have a great week. Yeah.
And congrats, Kyle. Honestly, I tell the story.
Anyone ever ever asked, or like, who's the coolest pro athlete that you

Speaker 1 have come across, hung out with, it's always Kyle Long to me because you started in Chicago right when Barcelona Chicago was starting. So we had, we kind of were coming up at the same time.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to say that you're kind of a coward for walking away while I'm still in the prime of my career, but you can just take that for whatever it's worth.

Speaker 8 Well, I have some job opportunities now, so if you'd like to hit me up.

Speaker 1 Yes, actually, we would love to have you Twitch for us.

Speaker 2 Is that what you're thinking? Hey, we'll catch up.

Speaker 1 We'll catch up soon, guys.

Speaker 8 And obviously,

Speaker 8 I'll be nice and saucy this whole week.

Speaker 1 There you go. Yeah.
Enjoy retirement, Kyle. Bear for life.
Thank you. Drink a few imperiales.
All right. See ya.

Speaker 1 All right. Wrapping up the show.
We're going to get to Soggy Sorrows in a minute. It's can't miss.
Hank, are you ready for it? Are you mad? Oh, I'm ready. You're mad.

Speaker 1 Before we finish, we have to do a quick Jason Garrett update. So Jason Garrett is officially, finally

Speaker 1 fired, we think.

Speaker 2 I think he's fired. So as reported by Jay Glazer.
So I trust what Jay has to say. He's been fired after basically being cucked out of his job for the last couple weeks.

Speaker 2 I wouldn't be surprised if Jason Garrett was actually helping Jerry Jones to interview his own replacements.

Speaker 1 Well, Jay Glazer had a report, and this is the saddest thing I've ever read. He said that...

Speaker 1 Talking about Jason Garrett, never seen anything like it because Jason Garrett, they've gone through it now a couple times this week to say, okay, you're out as our head coach.

Speaker 1 He says, hold on, hold on. Don't do it yet.
I still want to be considered for this. And every time they do it, so they said, we're moving on.
We're starting to interview other people.

Speaker 1 Friday night, they interviewed Marvin Lewis. They first wanted just offensive head coaches.
Yesterday they interviewed Mike McCarthy. That went so well.

Speaker 1 I'm told Mike McCarthy is actually still there, spent an extra day in Dallas. Then they're looking at Mike Zimmer if he was out after this game in Minnesota.

Speaker 1 But again, they still have to tell Jason Garrett, no, you're gone. We're moving on.
Never seen anything like it. Jesus, Jesus.

Speaker 2 That's insane. So also, I saw a report.
I think Ian Rappaport tweeted out that Jason Garrett has allowed them to fire him at this point. So with Jason Garrett's permission, Gerald Jones has fired him.

Speaker 2 Incredible. It's been a crazy, crazy coaching.
Marvin, did you say Marvin Lewis?

Speaker 1 Marvin Lewis.

Speaker 2 Did I see it? Am I making this up or did they bring Marvin Lewis in? And Marvin said that he wanted Hugh Jackson as his offensive coordinator.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm sure. They're always hiring.

Speaker 2 I think it's a package that

Speaker 2 if you're Jerry Jones and you want to get rid of the stink of eight and eight with a totally inanimate sideline coach,

Speaker 2 Marvin Lewis, change your pace. Yeah.
He's an electric fashion.

Speaker 1 You basically get to keep having Jason Garrett around because you love him so much. This is, Hank, this is like when you got fired and you just kept on showing up.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Like you just got a job.
You just kept your job. You're like, no, I'm just going to keep coming.
I was just

Speaker 5 a little less high profile.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but like you were fired. This is a long time ago.
This is not part of my take days. This is what, like, seven years ago? And then you just kept coming to the office.

Speaker 2 And Jason Garrett, you should have let Jerry Jones.

Speaker 5 My boss was on vacation, though. So it's like when he came back, he's like, wait, you're still here, whatever.
Just stick around.

Speaker 1 So you, Jason Garrett, the only thing Jason Garrett can be faulted is is Jerry Jones hasn't taken a vacation. Yeah.
If Jerry Jones takes a vacation, Jason Garrett might keep this thing.

Speaker 2 So Jerry Jones, if you remember when he took over the Cowboys, he fired Tom Landry by locking him out of his own office, basically.

Speaker 2 That was Old Testament Jerry Jones. Now we've got New Testament who's like soft and cushy.

Speaker 1 Incredible.

Speaker 2 And I tweeted this out, but I'm actually kind of serious about it. I wouldn't be shocked if Jason Garrett was allowed to reapply for his old job after he's been fired.

Speaker 1 He puts on a mustache. And just like he dyes his hair black, and he's like, hey, guys.

Speaker 2 They'll just let him come in through the front door. They're like, listen, we're going to give everyone a clean slate here, Jason.
So you're going to apply just like Mike McCarthy is.

Speaker 2 If I like your plan, I'll hire you. And then they'll hire Jason Garrett as their new head coach, replacing old Jason Garrett.
It's insane.

Speaker 1 I guess I got to give credit to the Cowboys because.

Speaker 2 Well, and to Jason Garrett.

Speaker 1 Well, Jason Garrett, but in a weird way, Jerry Jones is doing the thing where he's staying relevant throughout the playoffs.

Speaker 1 So tomorrow, people will be talking about the Patriots first, maybe the Saints second, but the Cowboys will be third.

Speaker 2 Ooh, what about you think what I'm thinking? What?

Speaker 2 Sean Payton. Sean Payton just lost today.
That's true.

Speaker 1 He's been linked.

Speaker 2 He's got family in Dallas. Maybe he's a good one.
He goes and watches his kids' football games.

Speaker 1 Sean Payton doesn't want to make a decision on Drew Brees. Yeah.
Is Taysom Hill of Taysom Hill

Speaker 2 goes with him? Like Al Pacino and Willie Beaman. Damn.
On any given Sunday. Damn.
Also, Josh McDaniels.

Speaker 1 We'll probably interview him, too.

Speaker 2 That's true.

Speaker 1 Lincoln Riley, Matt Rule. There are a lot of names that Rule can keep saying in Texas.
Yeah. Although he did spit on himself.

Speaker 2 I'm sure Jerry's fine with that.

Speaker 1 Jerry Leach?

Speaker 2 Jerry's fools on himself all the time. Nah, he's not.
I don't think he fits the star.

Speaker 1 You're done.

Speaker 2 He doesn't fit the star. Okay.

Speaker 1 All right. Let's finish up with some soggy sorrows.
Hank, you ready? We're going to go. We're going to change location.
And Hank is going to do the soggiest of sorrows.

Speaker 1 There can't be soggier sorrow than the end of a dynasty. Sorry, soggy.

Speaker 5 Double dynasty.

Speaker 1 End of double dynasty.

Speaker 2 In the second act of the Patriots dynasty. Are you ready for this?

Speaker 1 Yep. All right, here we go.

Speaker 2 Let's do it.

Speaker 1 Okay, we're going to finish up the show. We are in the bathroom at Barstool Headquarters.
We're going to do Soggy Sorrows. Hank, how are you feeling?

Speaker 5 I I feel like it's about to get cold.

Speaker 1 It's about to get wet. How do you know you like to get wet?

Speaker 1 Come on.

Speaker 1 Hank, people love misery.

Speaker 1 The biggest show we've ever had, a part of my take, is Mike Florio is the guest, but it really was the double doink.

Speaker 1 So this is you're competing for. There's a lot of podcasts.

Speaker 2 Well, no, Hank is the number one Boston sports podcast. We call him the sports.
Bro, the sports dude. Sports dude.
Hank, the sports dude. Sports dude.

Speaker 2 About to do Soggy Sorrows because he's so upset about his patrons losing their dynasty.

Speaker 5 Do you think you should do it with me, PFT, because of Do Your Pod?

Speaker 2 No, I shouldn't do it.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's a good question. All right, ready?

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 here we go.

Speaker 2 Ready?

Speaker 2 Do you want it cold or hot?

Speaker 1 Hot.

Speaker 5 It's going to be cold, though.

Speaker 1 It's going to be so cold.

Speaker 1 Hank, do you think Tom Brady's done? No. He's coming back.
No, you got to get sadder, dude.

Speaker 1 Fuck up. No, don't get it.
I'm sad. Hank, do you think Bill Belichick is done? No, no, get it.
You get sad.

Speaker 2 Hank, is this the end of the dynasty? How many more Super Bowls in the next five?

Speaker 1 I want you to read. I'm sad.
I want you to see. Are you sad yet? No.

Speaker 1 Okay, no, turn it off. Turn it off.
All right, are you sad?

Speaker 1 How does it really feel like?

Speaker 1 I'm going to say it again if you don't start talking. Hank, you got to survive.
I scold him honk.

Speaker 1 Hank, you better talk. What do you want me to say? I want you to talk.

Speaker 5 Sorry, the season's over. I'm sorry.
Then I have to come back for a Sunday Super Bowl. I was looking forward to just chilling in Miami that Saturday.
There's probably going to be a lot of cool events.

Speaker 5 I had to be in fucking miserable

Speaker 5 Minnesota the last two years, so it was going to be cool to be in Miami.

Speaker 1 And now it's over.

Speaker 2 Hank, how are you going to feel if you don't win another Super Bowl as long as you're alive?

Speaker 5 I'll feel lucky for the six that we've been given. It's been a great run ever since I was 11 years old.

Speaker 1 Tom Brady has brought me joy.

Speaker 1 And I'll always be forever thankful for that. All right, Hank.
Last question, last question. Talk us through, legitimately,

Speaker 1 the last second happens, the pick six happens, the game's over. What are you think?

Speaker 5 Can't be the Super Bowl every year.

Speaker 1 It's just a

Speaker 1 hit the water again. Fuck that.
Don't lie to me. I want you sad.
Don't lie to me, Hank. I want you sad.
It's so good. The Dolphins game was sadder.

Speaker 1 We'll see everyone Wednesday.

Speaker 2 All right, bye, guys. Love you guys.

Speaker 2 Love you guys.

Speaker 2 a happy day to find you shiny.

Speaker 2 I'll be coming for you. I've been

Speaker 2 fake

Speaker 2 on

Speaker 2 me.

Speaker 2 Take

Speaker 2 me.

Speaker 2 Real ecstasy.

Speaker 2 I'm all the same.

Speaker 2 Find the we stone a little way.

Speaker 2 Telling them that life is okay.

Speaker 2 Say I'll be

Speaker 2 okay.

Speaker 2 I still better do the same time.

Speaker 2 Take

Speaker 2 on.

Speaker 2 Take

Speaker 2 me

Speaker 2 on.

Speaker 2 need

Speaker 2 to go

Speaker 2 to heart.