Heisman Trophy Winner Joe Burrow, Week 15 Fastest 2 Minutes And Recap

Hey Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we break our rule, no guest Mondays, for the greatest exception possible. It's the Heisman Trophy and the guy who won it in studio, Joe Burrow, not 24 hours after he won the Heisman Trophy on Saturday night.
He's sitting in part of my take studio. We talk to him.
We talk about Coach O. We talk about this season, winning the Heisman, everything.
We also are going to recap every single game. A couple great Coach O stories out of Joe, too.
Great ones. We're going to recap every game.
We're going to talk about NFL Week 15. We've got some things that have – we've got some clarity on the league.
We've got some big wins, big losses. We're going to recap every game.
We're going to talk about NFL Week 15. We got some things that have, we got some clarity on the league.
We got some big wins, big losses. We're going to do all that in a second.
But before we do that, part of my take is brought to you by... Ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working? Nah, neither has Ariat.
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Okay, let's go.

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Today is Monday, December 16th

and we're doing week 15.

15. We start in Seattle where Tyler lock it up.
No, you lock it up. Wedding crashed a few receptions from Russell Owen Wilson.
For the Panthers, they say grief is nature's most powerful aphrodisiac, and Carolina grieved the loss of Riverboat Ron by riding their motorboating son of a bitch, Christian McCaffrey, who put his face right between two titties. Kyle Allen is like that crazy guest who thinks he's part of the family already, but he's really just a stage five clinger.
Flannel and football, that's what Seattle does. That was your best recap yet, guys.
Who let Trey Wingo in the studio? Seattle 30, Panthers 24. Pass me that doobie.
In snowy Kansas City, where Nancy Drew Locke couldn't solve the novel mystery of how to complete a pass to his teammates, and this would be a hard cover for the Denver Broncos. It wasn't the first time Clay Travis Kelsey had a license to run free.
Not the first time that Travis had a bunch of white stuff in his hair, if you know what I'm saying. Tariq Hillary Clinton killed Epstein, as well as the Broncos' last remaining playoff hopes.
Choked him out with two touchdowns in the blizzard. Chiefs 23, the Broncos 3.
In Nashville where Carlos Mencia Hyde stole Derrick Henry's routine rushing for 104 yards and a touchdown. Kenny G.
Stills wouldn't let Deshaun Watson take any alto sacks. Star wideout DeAndre Johns Hopkins lacrosse up the Titans secondary all afternoon long.
And you can keep planning the parade Texas, because Deshaun F. Kennedy Watson avoided taking shots from the Titans defense on the grassy knoll in Nashville.
Texans 24, Titans 21. Some spread.
He could go. Vombo! In D.C., where Terry McClure and Michaels led a washed-up franchise that used to be good in the 80s and 90s, the way stars aligned for Cousin Greg Ward as his unlikely performance put a shiv into the Redskins' side.
House of Dwayne Haskins could have packed it up, packed it in, but instead he jumped around and got Eagles banners out of their seats with a last-second whoop and a whoop and a whoop and a fumble as Nigel Branham could go all the way. Eagles 37, the R-Words 27.
In the frozen tundra where Mitch Hedberg-Trabisky reminded everyone, quarterbacks don't break, they just turn into running backs. And Matt Nagy said in the postgame, I don't have a quarterback.
I just have a player who would be really mad if he heard me say that. Karen Rogers would like to speak to his manager as the up-and-down Packers offense stalled in the fourth, but the Bears' comeback fell ten yards short as the Ivy League graduate Jesper Horstead proved that you could get the same education for $1.50 in late charges at the public route library and realizing you should have pitched the ball to Allen Robinson.
Packers 21, Bears 13. We go to Cincinnati where Stephon Happy Gilmore said the price is wrong, bitch, to the Bengals offense as Andy threw a dull ton of picks to the Patriots secondary.
Joe Pesci-Mixon and Darkeez Robert DiNordo said to the Irishman Tom Brady, I hear you still houses. The Patriots offense didn't put a lot of great stuff on tape, but they did their job and got the win.
Patriots 34, the Bengals 13. Out in the desert where everyone asked Kenyon Drake, who invited you? And he replied, I invited myself, scoring on the Browns defense like they were 18 year old backup dancers i'm talking to the man

in demir bird and i'm asking him to make some plays to the tune of six catches for 86 yards freddie kitchens more like daddy kitchens because his ass is fired cardinals 38 browns 24 Put up chump

Standing on a corner, Jameis Winston, Tampa, Florida, such a fine sight to see. It's an owner, my lord, whose name is Martha Ford, and the fans want her to sell the team.
Come on, Perryman.

Three scores we care again.

And you turn the lights on the Lions like you're Sean Merriman.

Tampa Bay, 38.

Detroit, 17.

In Dallas, where Dak Prescott Fitzgerald

is looking to bring another

star-spangled banner to Arlington.

Tyler Higbee's in the trap. Bees, bees in the trap, did his best to keep the Rams offense on track.
But it was all Cowboys all day as the law firm of Elliott and Pollard ran up two bills on the L.A.'s rush defense. Cooper Flipkopf put on a nice solo performance, but Jerry Jones is better when he's drunk, and he may be drunk enough to give Jason Garrett a contract extension after this one.

The Cowboys 44, the Los Angeles Rams 21.

Police are offering up to $38,000 as a reward for help in finding the person responsible for stabbing a dolphin to death.

This is just terrible. The dolphin's body was found on Upper Captiva Island in May.

Annette Cropsey revealed this dolphin was stabbed in the head with an object similar to a spear while he was still alive, and the puncture wound indicates he may have been begging for fish or other food while he was being stabbed. Giants 36, Dolphins 20.
We finish in Oakland for the final game in the black hole as Derek Cardy B got up on the stripper pole one last time and had a rumble in the Bronx against Doug Marone's Jaguars. Christopher Moltisanti Conley sat on Raider fans' hopes and dreams like they were a small lapdog crawling under his ass for warmth.
Christopher, how could you? Darren Bill that Waller covered a lot of ground but wasn't able to cross over into the end zone. to sports, boom.
And don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.
Let us be the last ones to be the first ones to say goodbye to the black hole. It's with a heavy heart I say.
Jaguars 20. The Raiders 16.
And if we could just toss in something for the Sunday night game, no one circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills. And that's where we will start.
The Buffalo Bills, Sunday night football. The Buffalo Bills are back in the playoffs.
The Buffalo Bills are back in the playoffs. The drought is over.
The one-year drought. It's crazy to think this was their first primetime game since 2007.
Sunday night game. They played a Monday night game somewhere in there.
Sunday night game. First Sunday night game.
Sunday night game. It's good to see them in primetime.
And I guess we can say this is Tredavious White's coming out party. Yeah.
Because it doesn't count if it happens in just a game that happens at like 1 o'clock or 4.15 in the afternoon. Pro bowler.
Unbelievable. Doesn't matter.
Now we know who Tredavious White is, and he's really, really good. So the Bills, we've said this before, but the Bills, it feels like every game they've had this year has been the biggest win in Buffalo in like a decade, including tonight, because they not only get in the playoffs, which if you remember, two years ago when they broke the drought, they needed miracle after miracle to have it happen.
This year, they're getting in the playoffs after week 15. They got in without even Annie Dalton having to beat somebody.
Yes, and the idea of a home game in Buffalo of an AFC East crown is still alive. Technically.
Because they're going to New England next week, and if they beat the Patriots and then win against the Jets, I think they win the AFC East. I don't think so.
I'm pretty sure. I think if they beat the Patriots, the Patriots have to lose to the Dolphins in Week 17.
I don't know. It's still alive.
We have to find out. The bottom line is it's still alive, and it could still be alive going into Week 17, which is just incredible.

The idea that the Bills could have a home playoff game

is getting me all hot and bothered right now,

just thinking about the tables that are going to be smashed up there,

the shots that are going to be drank out of bowling balls.

Hopefully Le'Veon Bell hasn't got his mouth around those before we get there.

We will be in Orchard Park if they get a home playoff game.

Okay, you're right.

The Bills have to beat the Patriots and the Jets, and the Patriots have to lose to the Bills and the Dolphins. That's probably not going to happen.
So that's probably not going to happen. But it doesn't really matter.
It's still alive in Week 15. They could still win the AFC East.
That's crazy to even say. Their identity of defense and Josh Allen making some plays with his feet.
And, I mean, they have some good skill position players. I feel a little bad for Pittsburgh.
The bubble kind of burst on Duck tonight. We still believe in Duck, but that was not his best performance.
And, you know, they're still in the hunt for the playoffs because I think it's them and the Titans now looking for that sixth seed. And the AFC playoffs now looks like it's going to be phenomenal because the bills are probably going to be the fifth seed and the bills are 10 win team in week 15 and feels like their defense and enough playmaking from Josh Allen.
They can play against anyone. They're a really good team.
I actually think these two teams, the Steelers and the bills are kind of two sides two sides of the same coin. They're built similarly.
The difference was Josh Allen played well. Duck didn't play that well.
Correct. It came down to the end.
It looked like the Steelers had a chance to send it to overtime, but once you start pushing towards the end of the game, the Bills kind of pin their ears back a little bit. I love that saying.
They pin their ears back. They pin their ears back.
They went running down at them. I actually knew that this game was over when Chris Collinsworth tried to explain Renegade.
Yeah. At that point, it was like, okay, it feels like you just made Renegade not cool, Chris.
I also want to say for, because we love Duck, we love Josh Allen, and PFT did do what he was going to say he was going to do. He bet the over, which was very, very stupid, but it was in for our guys.
For Duck, for Josh Allen, you had to do it. I'd rather sacrifice money than sacrifice friendship.
That game was... It was a tough game to get yards.
Every single first down felt like a touchdown. And there were just a shitload of fumbles and turnovers in the attacking third um if tj watt was as accurate with his punches as marquise pouncey was that game could have flipped the script he had he had a clean punch clean peanut punch at josh allen it just couldn't could not connect uh so the bills in the playoffs crazy as it can be uh i mean they have like a mini dynasty rolling in terms of getting in the playoffs.
Yeah, two out of three seasons. Two out of three.
That's a mini dynasty. Yeah.
How about Big Ben? Can we talk about Big Ben for a second on the side? He's large. He's getting swole.
He's large. Who knows? It might be sympathy weight.
Maybe his wife's pregnant. I tweeted a picture of him and said beast mode, and someone replied more like obesity mode and i was like that's not nice

man but it's also very accurate because that beard a lot of times guys have the beard to hide how fat they are i feel like it's working reverse in big ben it's kind of accentuating how large he is with the beard people were comparing him to yukon cornelius i was saying he's yukon cream cornelius is probably a better way.

He's like the, what's the guy from

Epic Mealtime? That guy. Yeah, yeah, the bacon strips and bacon strips and bacon strips.
The bacon guy. I always thought that actually might be Ben.
We don't know his name. Yeah, Jack Daniels.
Okay, is that his name? Yeah, Jack Daniels is his name. Oh, okay, nice.
What is his name? Adam something? Adam, sure. He does look, he looks like.
Adam Harvey is what I actually think his name is. Adam Harvey.
Like Matt Patricia going in for a job interview. Yeah.
Which Matt Patricia will probably be doing. We'll get to that.
We'll get to that. That's probably going to happen.
What's his name? Harley Mortensen. Harley.
Okay. So, I was close.
Harley Mornstein. Mornstein? Ben doesn't do well with Harleys.
Okay. No, he does not.

Wear that helmet, Ben.

Does he still have a Harley?

I'm sure he does.

I'm sure he calls it his hog, keeps it in his driveway.

He probably just works on it a lot.

He probably does donuts in his driveway.

Yeah, then just takes it up and down the block when he's feeling antsy.

All right, let's get to the rest of the games.

We'll start with Patriots-Bengals.

So, Hank, which would you rather me do first, the good or the bad? Let's do the bad. You want to do the bad? Yeah.
Okay. The bad.
If you are watching this game as a Patriots fan, basically all of your fears came to fruition, even though they beat the Bengals by 21. I wouldn't say all of the fears came to fruition, but it wasn't reassuring.
The offense didn't look good against a very bad Bengals defense. One of the worst defenses in the league.
I think they're actually statistically the second-to-worst defense in the league. And then your defense, while great in the secondary again, the best secondary probably in the league.
Their run defense wasn't great. Joe Mixon had like 125 yards.
So all your fears kind of popped up. Like, ooh, that's not good.
But you still won by 21. Yep, and Nikhil Harry, the Patriots rookie, got a touchdown.
So it's like that relationship is developing. So hopefully they can keep it progressing going towards the playoffs.
Also, Julian Edelman might have a knee. That that is a big one of the knees one of the one of the knees he definitely has two knees we have two knees but one of them might be hurt you too so yeah the Patriots uh I like it's weird watching that game 34 13 but it wasn't convincing because it was well a close game in the first half and then Andy Dal dalton just did andy dalton things throwing four picks yeah well it didn't look as convincing because tyler board technically won that matchup against stefan gilmore i don't know if you saw his quotes after the game but he said that he felt like he uh won the majority of the matchups against him a little fun stat here uh tyler boyd was targeted six times had two catches the exact same amount of catches that ste that Stephon Gilmore had while covering Tyler Boyd.
And he dropped like two other. Yeah, he could have had more.
We kept on saying out loud, why are you still throwing it at Stephon Gilmore? He's the best cornerback in the league. And Andy Dalton was like, hey, I'm just going to try this again and again.
Tyler Boyd brought out the old, like, I won the popular vote but lost the electoral vote. If you watch the tape, I won most of the matchup.
No, he picked off twice. Yeah.
And he was all over the entire time. Every time that he was thrown your way, it was just a question of whether he would pick it off and run it all the way back or just pick it off and maybe fall down.
All right. The good.
The Patriots have clinched the playoff for a NFL record 11th straight season, which is breaking their own record. And to put it into some perspective, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers haven't been to the playoffs in 11 years.
The Cleveland Browns haven't been to the playoff in 16 years. The New York Jets, as a franchise, have only been to the playoffs 14 times.
The Patriots have now gone to the playoffs 11 straight seasons. It is crazy to think all the sky is falling stuff for the New England Patriots and they're still the two seed 11 straight seasons and we're here talking to the start of the show how the bills like two out of three is incredible that they got in the playoffs there are two if you root for the Bucks or the Browns you have not seen the playoffs in the stretch that the Patriots have of going to the playoffs in consecutive seasons.
Right. And before the game even started, things were looking down for the Patriots because Jay Glazer.
Let me just say this about Jay Glazer. If you have a video that you don't want coming out, Jay Glazer already has it and he's going to release it.
That's Jay Glazer owns the cloud. I'm pretty sure that he invented the cloud and he's he just has everyone's nudes.
Yep. He's got everything that you don't want to get out there he's got the behind the scenes of the fake moon landing hey jay glazer is actually so piss tape he's so damn good at having like three or four stories a year that no one else has because the rap reports the shefters like all these guys they basically have the same stories over and over jay glazer doesn't get in that mud he's just like yeah i'm gonna tell you when odell backham's gonna get traded and i will have the video that no one else can get access to it's incredible how he does it and he hits like four home runs a year and doesn't give a fuck about being hitting for average well so the patriots adam done the patriots in turn they suspended their videographer did you see that even they suspended the videographer that doesn't work for them i thought he was.
So, I mean, that's ultimate accountability right there. Hank, you got, by the way, you got well actually big time by a lot of people who want to talk about employment law because they're like, well, technically Tom Brady's an independent contractor and all these people are independent contractors.
I don't understand any of that. Is that true? I have no idea.
I have no fucking idea. We're all independent contractors.
I have no idea. When people start talking about 1099s and all this shit, I get so fucking confused.
I'm like, whatever, man. I take your word for it.
There are like four people in the United States that aren't independent contractors then. And there's the richest guys.
There's a dozen people who actually understand what any of this means. Tax-wise, whatever.
We're not a tax podcast. I think we've...
Hank has done his taxes one year out of the four years this podcast has been two. Yeah, it's a dynasty.
You got a bill. Yeah, two out of three years.
There you go, buddy. Yeah.
So we're not a tax podcast. But so the guy got fired.
So they know they suspended him pinning the investigation, even though he's not an employee. So that's like Mike Flora.
If you want to have an analogy, that's like Kramer getting fired from the Penske file that he was reviewing at the place he didn't work. So yeah, he's suspended.
And also, they put out a statement. The videographer put out a statement, and the Pats didn't even know that he was putting out a statement.
Or she. Or she.
Yeah, could be. Well, we heard his voice.
We did. That video was so funny.
So when he gets caught, he's like, we can just forget this, right? Yeah. The Pats are probably just pissed off at him because he didn't bite down on the cyanide capsule that he was supposed to.
Oh, my God. Yeah.
He detonated the suicide vest that had been strapped to him. Yeah.
He was like, it was hilarious watching it because he did the old fashioned like, hey, come on. Like, I'll go my way.
You go your way. It's not what it looks like.
This whole thing. Yeah.
And then come on. The Bengal security guy was, we're way past that point now, buddy.
Yeah're in the shit buddy though yeah when you get buddied in a confrontation with some kind of security guard you're in trouble so i i believe now that the patriots were definitely filming the sideline for some sort of reason i don't know why it's probably not a reason that we think of it belichick is so far ahead of everybody else in game planning and knowing what to look for that

he probably had them filming something that the average person wouldn't look at and be like oh they're catching them doing xyz right right it's probably they're too advanced to get caught is the problem it's actually yeah it's true I actually watched uh and we're going to talk about Urban Meyer a little bit later but I watched an interesting clip where Urban Meyer said he would always watch the opposing head coach and see when the opposing head coach he'd know if the opposing head coach would ever get in the huddle for special teams and he usually wouldn't and if he he would watch him he'd basically line up against him for the entire game and the minute he got into the special teams huddle he knew a fake was coming yeah so like that kind of stuff that you don't even think about the game within the game. I love that shit.
What if it was just like of the cheerleaders on the sideline? Just guy stuff. That'd be cool.
That'd be awesome. Yeah.
I still think this was all a plan to get everyone to doubt the Patriots and get the story off of the offense so then they can rally behind it. I mean, it seemed to work today, right? Yeah.
They had a lot of Gilmore luck out there. They went 34-13.
If you just look at the score, they're back. Hank, how are you feeling against the Bills next week? Saturday, 4 o'clock.
Primetime for Saturday-ish. I'm so excited.
I'm so excited. I'm so scared.
Okay, that's fair. Alright, next up, Bucks-Lions.
Jameis, you have to re-sign Jameis. He is – he broke another record this week, by the way.
He broke two. So he was – yeah, actually, yeah, because his first quarter, he had 221 yards, two touchdowns and an interception.
He did the famous Jameis where he threw an interception on their first drive. Love that.
He also is the first quarterback in NFL history to throw back back-to-back 450 plus yard games he's a hall of famer no one else has done that so yeah his first quarter stat i guess peyton manning threw for 247 yards at one point in the first quarter okay but again every stat that we've seen if james isn't setting a record he's coming in second to peyton Manning in all of these. He ended up with four touchdowns, 458 yards.

He's amazing.

As long as he doesn't have to throw anywhere in between 7 and 12 yards,

wherever the linebackers are, he'll be fine.

Because he's thrown nine interceptions now this year to linebackers.

Yeah, they're his best friend.

He is linebacker blind, but everything else. And he didn't even have Mike Evans.
Right. And he lit up the Lions.
So I'm thinking maybe Bruce Arian should start to allow his players to stretch at some point because they've lost Mike Evans. Now they lost Godwin with a hamstring.
But they also feel like a team where you could take any cast off, any wide receiver that maybe was drafted in the first round somewhere else that didn't work out. Corey Coleman, where are you at? You could put him on the Bucs right now and just be like, go run nine routes.
Jameis is going to get you. Jameis will find you as long as you're not in between like 10 and 17 yards away from him.
Do you think there's a point where Jameis, at this point with Jameis' career, I think the Bucs have to either franchise tag him or resign him outright. And they have to hope like a mid-20-year-old guy, because Jameis is 26, he's going to be 26, like you hope at some point you'll maybe slow down a little, maybe don't get so blackout drunk all the time.
Maybe Jameis will just mature out out of interceptions nothing will really change except he'll just get a little bit older and he'll stop throwing you're trying to change him you're like a girl that's okay he's a bad boy i think i think i can make him mine i'm like hey jamis why don't you try on this sweater that i bought you it would look really nice on you maybe don't just wear this jersey all the time maybe don't cheat on me every weekend yeah right just maybe, you know, think a little bit before you throw it blindly into the linebacker level every single game. Well, the good news for us is he's never going to stop doing any of that.
And it's going to be great. Right.
It's going to be awesome. And the Bucs are...
I want him on the Bears. The Bucs aren't as bad as we thought that they might be at the start of the year.
The Bucs, it turns out, they're a perfectly average football team with a perfectly hilarious quarterback. They're living in hell because they're going to end up 8-8 or 7-9.
Not a great draft pick. Have to keep Jameis because he's played good enough.
He's broken records. And do it all again next year.
And all glory to God for every single one that he's done. I showed you guys that after.
It was shocking. It is crazy.
He thanked God a second time second time for someone else well he thanked god probably nine times in the span of about what two minutes two and a half minutes so this was like a little bit of revenge for all the christians

that got killed by the lions um all right so we need to talk about the lions real quick there was

a sell the team sign in the end zone that made it on tv is that what antonio brown was saying no

white woman 2020 correct get rid of martha ford so sell the team sign sitting in the end zone

I'm going to go. in the end zone that made it on TV.
Is that what Antonio Brown was saying? No white woman 2020. Correct.
Get rid of Martha Ford. So sell the team signs sitting in the end zone.
We're selling those shirts, by the way. Shout out to our guys, Mike Villeney and Sully.
They are on radio in Detroit. They've got to sell the team going.
We're selling those shirts. But to sell the team signs in the end zone, bags on heads, the Lions.
We just talked about the Patriots and how they've won, you know, gone to the 11th. Hold on.
By the way, this is Barstool JJ is on the news. Okay, never mind.
For what? That's crazy. He rescued a dog.
Shout out Barstool JJ. Good for you.
Go follow. I don't know what his Twitter handle is now.
JJ in the Bronx. Yeah, you rescued a dog too.
JJ from the Bronx. Go story and you can donate that's our shout out he's on the news right this is like the new sunday recurring yeah just people we know getting on the news it was a great story he rescued a dog walked into his house and it was like mistreated and he's rescued brought back to life whatever all right the lions back to the lions that was a short intermission.
That was crazy. Sell the team.
Bags on heads. We talked about how good the Patriots are as a franchise.
The Lions, everyone talks about the Browns being the worst franchise. The Lions are the worst franchise in the NFL.
And I feel really bad for Lions fans, even though I root for a team in their division, because what they go through is hell on earth.

They have one single playoff win in the Super Bowl era.

Do you know that?

1991 was their only playoff.

Was it the Redskins?

They beat the Cowboys and they lost the Redskins in the NFC championship. Okay.

They have,

the Browns have six,

six wins, playoff wins. The Lions have one playoff win in the Super Bowl era.
That's insane. They have two Hall of Famers, Calvin Johnson, Barry Sanders, who literally quit with gas in the tank because they're like, I cannot be on this team anymore.
Well, the tough thing is, even if she does sell the team, you know who the richest person in Detroit is? It's Dan Gilbert. So you want the winning history of the Cavaliers I mean they at least have a championship yeah that's true I'm just saying like LeBron it is LeBron could come to Detroit and win one for Dan and another sport make him a tight end he listen I'm just saying I feel bad for for Lions fans they deserve at least a little bit of like a hat tip of the pain and suffering they have to go through and how shitty this organization is and how much they've tormented they're tormented day in and day out there's a saying in detroit sol same old lions and it applies every single year and i really think the only thing they have going for them is the honolulu blue is awesome it's an awesome color also matt stafford isn't bad no he bad.
No, he's not, but he's another guy who he's going to ruin. That will be the best quarterback they've ever had, and they will never win a playoff game with him.
That's true. They will have had a Hall of Famer.
Well, they might win. We don't know if they're not going to win a playoff game.
There's some words on the street that Stafford's injury is maybe something that's a little bit more serious. Really? Like a bad back injury? Really bad? Well, like he might like, hey, might be not worth, similar to Calvin Johnson and Barry Sanders, hey, might not be worth just going out there and getting your ass kicked for Martha Ford.
Maybe just have your health and your money. Well, they say that the brain actually controls a lot of the physical aspects of your body.
And if you have an injury and you have to go back to being on the Lions, your body is a beautiful thing. It has a way of shutting things down if you know that you're going to be in trouble long term.
So maybe he's not in a good mental state, meaning his back just won't heal correctly, as kind of a defense against himself for going back and playing for that. Against the Lions.
So Lions fans listening to this, we don't feel your pain, but we're acknowledging your pain, and we are supporting the sell the team because there's really nothing worse than having an owner that just will never. And Martha Ford's like a billion years old, and she just sits there and is like, okay, I just like having the Lions.
I like owning the Lions. That's a fun thing.
I don't think that she really has fun owning the team. She likes knowing that she owns the team well the story always comes out i mean this you know like how how disappointed she is that they keep losing well well i mean your whole life is a disappointment then because they lose every single year they're the same old life she even like it if they won if they were playing meaningful games i have no idea it's sad so people detroit uh we support the sell the Team movement and that sucks.
When you have the bags on your head, that's a bad... And I feel like this has happened a hundred times in the last 20 years, the bags on their head.
And they fired Jim Caldwell, who we made our Jim Caldwell jokes, but they went to the playoffs. And Matt Patricia's been...
Hank, is it okay if I say that they probably should clean the house there? Start at the top down. I don't know that you can.
All right, so sell the team. And then decide from there.
Get him to work on it after that. There you go.
So, yeah, I'll say this about Matt Patricia. If you're a rocket scientist that's getting your defense outsmarted by Jameis Winston, it's a problem.
What do you want him to do? True. True.
All right. Texans-Titans, the battle for the AFC South.
By the way, if you want to watch this, you want to watch the Heisman Trophy sitting in Pardon My Take Studios, you can do it at BarstoolGold.com slash PMT. BarstoolGold.com slash PMT.
So the Texans now have gone statement win, statement loss, statement win. And that sums up the Texans perfectly.

They just flip-flop.

They beat the Patriots on primetime.

They laid an egg against a bad Broncos team.

And then they go into Nashville against the hottest team in the NFL and beat them, second hottest behind the Ravens,

and beat them in their building.

And basically like a million turnovers in this game.

And Deshaun Watson played okay.

The weird thing about this game, it wasn't –

we've all been waiting for the Ryan Tannehill bubble to burst.

if you're not going to be able to do that. basically like a million turnovers in this game and deshaun watson played okay right the weird thing about this game it wasn't we've all been waiting for the ryan tannahill bubble to burst it really didn't burst no just the titans can't play from behind and they were down 14 nothing well it's that yeah they they got they dug themselves in a hole early there are a lot of ugly turnovers in inside the red zone yeah and that was bad for us because i know we both had the over on it yep and it should have hit it absolutely should have hit 100 there's three that pisses me off right off the bat in the red zone the good news is rabel's got it figured out he said after the game we need to do a better job of preparing coaching and playing that's it so sums it up close yeah this is a this was a style in an in-game situation game where it's like if the titans don don't have that interception that basically they're going in to score and they give up the interception on the goal line, Texans bring it back all the way to the Titans 20, that game is completely different.
I want to put one in the ear hole of Roger Dell and the schedule maker because I don't like when the division ends when you play the same team twice within the last three games. They should do it on aggregate, if anything, because you're playing the exact same team twice.
Sometimes a team can be totally different at the start of the year than they are at the end of the year. I like spreading it out a little bit.
No, I like this because now we just get to do it. It was a good game.
It was a fun game to watch. I mean, it wasn't like a perfectly played game, but it had action throughout, and now we get to do it all again.
But is it possible for a team to play another team three times in the span of four weeks? Yeah, if they made the playoffs, right? I would just get sick of those colors. That would be so sick.
If they made the playoffs, I don't think it would work out exactly. Oh, actually.
It could. Yeah, the Texans could make the three.
Although the Texans would have to lose to get the Titans in. So then they probably wouldn't be the three seed anymore.
I don't know. We'll figure that out.
At some point in the future, it could happen. And all I'm saying is I would get sick of those two colors playing against each other.
I'd like it. I would like that very much.
And then the Titans. Yeah, I don't.
It was the biggest game of the week that felt boring for some reason. Right.

Did you feel the same way? Well, it had action.

It had action.

I feel like the games in Nashville always kind of have that feel.

It's the color of the grass.

Yeah.

The color of the grass is depressed in Nashville.

Yeah, and it just doesn't have the same juice that other games.

Maybe because it feels like they haven't had a primetime game,

not on Thursday, in a long time at home.

That's probably true. They get the annual game against the Jaguars, recall i don't remember the last time i saw one like a monday night so the texans we can't figure them out they're just going to keep basically it just depends on what week the uh playoffs start for them on off of a statement loss or statement right they should actually try to lose week 17 that's that they're going into the playoffs on a high note bill o'brien doesn't look well no he looks unhealthy he looks like he's got some combination of a liver disorder and gout he's kind of like he's got this weird yellowish skin hue going on him right now and even in a win he just he looked like he was kind of done being there on the sidelines yes the but yeah and then rabel had the uh he chased the refs off the field which i always love because whenever you're a fan and your and your coach chases the refs off the field it feels like you you kind of won in a weird way she's like yeah like there was something wrong there yeah we got that brian flores is great at that yeah really great at that um last thing about this game deandre hopkins continues to be incredible and i feel like sometimes we like lose the fact that he's probably the best wide receiver in the league.
Because every time he catches the ball, it's electric. Here's the problem with the wide receiver debates going on right now.
If you say something really complimentary of one of them, you'll have people in each year. So you say something nice about DeAndre Hopkins, you'll have somebody be like, dude, Julio Jones is clearly the best receiver in the NFL.
He had an unbelievable day. Clearly, Michael Thomas is the best receiver in the NFL.
I don't know. We've got a lot of great receivers.
Every time DeAndre Hopkins catches the ball, you're like, he's going to the house. He seems loose all the time.
All right. Next up, Bears-Packers.
What happened in this one? I tried a million times. I didn't catch the end because I tuned out in the middle of the fourth quarter when it looks like the Bears were already done.
Okay. I don't complain about refs, but if I were to be someone who was going to complain about refs, all I'd say is it's hard to beat a team and the refs.
Yeah. Well, that happens with the Packers a lot.
You have to expect that. I don't understand.
I don't understand how you can have kick-catch interference after the kick returner clearly catches the ball and is holding the ball and then call kick catch interference. That makes no sense to me.
Did that lead to a touchdown? Yeah, it did. And the Bears could have scored off of the fumble that happened on that play.
Game was under protest. I tweeted that during the Joe Burrow interview because I had to get it in.
I had to get that in. Yeah, I don't know why I believed that the Bears could do it.
This game was basically the Bears' season, a microcosm, because they died a million times and then came back to life a million times, including the last play where Allen Robinson walks in for a touchdown if Jesper Horstead pitches them the ball. It's a classic rugby play.
Walks in. If your outside center gets it, you pin that last defender, you hit your wing streaking.
I've seen it a million times in rugby. You denied us, Jesper, of having the excitement of scoring a touchdown and then the disappointment of completely fucking up the two-point conversion.
That is what would have happened, and I wanted that. Yeah.
I needed that. There are so's so many screenshots now of, like, Allen Robinson.
He progressively gets wider and wider and wider open. I can't wait for the all 22 where he's going to look like he's six yards open instead of four.
But, yeah, Allen Robinson definitely would have walked in for that last touchdown. But I'm going to give you a little bit of good news coming off this game.
Okay. I think Aaron Rodgers sucks.
He does suck. I think Aaron Rodgers sucks now.
Aaron Rodgers looks like, you know how every single year that Aaron Rodgers gets injured, he comes back maybe two weeks too early. He sucks.
And he's a shell of himself in those games where he comes back early. That's what he looks like all the time now.
I said during the game, I would rather have Trubisky than Rodgers in that game. And I was only like 80% joking.
Right. Like that's a lot less yes than usual I'm usually 100% joking when I say that shit so by Aaron by Aaron Rodgers saying like we're going to win ugly he's getting out in front of the story so no one is drawing attention to the fact that he sucks now okay he's saying we win ugly that's what we do him and Matt LaFleur do not look like they're having a good time together on the sidelines.
Nope. Yes, PFT, go off.
They remind me of if you go to dinner and you see a couple that's maybe 50, 60 years old and they're at the same table and they don't talk, they're still on a date. They're still making time for one another.
Yep. But they don't talk the entire time.
They probably say more words to the server than they do to each other. That's what LaFleurgers are kind of putting off right now and it's crazy because the packers are probably they might end up as the two seed oh wait pft okay so what you just said i agree with everything you said my ultimate fear is is i can see it i can see into the crystal ball and i am scared shitless because maybe the packers do just win ugly and maybe that's kind of what they do you know teams who do this where it's like it's never going to look good the Patriots have that vibe going right now too where it's like they just win ugly they find ways to win games if the Rams beat the Niners next week and then the Niners beat the Seahawks in week 17 and the Packers went out they're the one seed and that playoffs go through Lambeau.
It's not crazy. No, it's not crazy.
So now my ultimate fear is being like coming up in front of my face where the, the bears held the Packers to the lowest amount of yards that they've had in the series and the two game series since 1991, they lost both games because they can't fucking score. And the Packers are not good.
And I've been sitting here saying they're frauds and I'm gonna probably keep saying that until I'm in fucking Miami being like the Packers aren't good but they're in the Super Bowl what the fuck is happening and I'm gonna lose my mind and you're gonna have to put me in like a mental ward I agree with you I think that the Packers aren't good but they're very good at being bad if that makes any sense at all so they are able able to win the ugly games. Every single week, I look at the Packers box score, and every single week I'm like, wow, Blake Martinez made another 12 tackles today.
Their defense isn't great, but it's also not awful. Another game where two of the four quarters, they don't score a point.
They basically disappeared in the fourth quarter, let the Bears come back, and I don't know why I care about sports. It's so fucking stupid every year i i really did sell myself on the bears making a mini run here and i thought maybe they could beat the packers and keep this thing alive and i'll just finish with this packer fans you're probably so happy right now you're so happy that i was wrong you're so happy your team's 11 and 3 it might be the one seed you're so happy that you know you might win ugly and get the Super Bowl, and I just maybe admitted that.
But I'm going to say this. You did not eliminate the Bears from the playoffs today.
The Vikings beating the Chargers eliminated the Bears from the playoffs today. You beat yourself, actually.
The Vikings eliminated the Chargers, not the Packers, because if the Vikings had lost, the Bears still would have been alive. So RIP the In the Hunt graphic.
It was a fun run. I don't know what the bears do it will be very interesting the fact they did not flex out the chiefs bears game next sunday they just did that to piss you off just that's the only reason there's gonna be the graphic they might actually not even play the game it might just be the patrick mahomes mr misky graphic the entire four hours you know what I'm I'm excited that they did that though because the ratings for next monday's show are gonna to be so much higher because that's going to be a prime time loss for you and people are going to love to see you in imagine they just kill the chiefs and i just sit there like oh what could have been that would that would almost be worse for you if you know yeah one next oh yeah i i have to i have to like give i'm it's over it they are actually eliminated and i know i'm saying that but like what if you know what if something happened to one of the teams and they couldn't play in the playoffs and they had to have an alternate? Right, so you guys would be the first alternate, heaven forbid.
I'm just saying, what would happen? The Bears would have to. A California earthquake.
The Bears would have to play, right? They'd have to step in, and then they could probably run the team. That's a team no one wants to see.
Especially in in bare weather in january it was too cold today for snow as you pointed out it was which sucks because i really wanted walker's mind when i said that that it can be too cold for snow as a uh as a packers owner i just want to say uh my level of concern with the state of the franchise and aaron rogers is somewhere between arthur blank walking menacingly behind the head coach on the sidelines and jerry Jerry Jones walking menacingly behind the coach on the sidelines I'm going to go crazy it's like I'm I'm living I'm living what about Bob and I'm Richard Dreyfuss and I'm just gonna go crazy being like the Packers aren't good they're frauds and they keep winning games ugly and I was like hey no they're pretty good I'm like no they're not no they're not watch the games they're not good they're not good but they're not they're not good but they're very good at being bad god damn it i'd rather be good at being bad than be bad at being good was that trentofer thing you just know that's i it makes sense inside my other brand good at being i'd rather be good at being bad than bad at being good if you make a poll i guarantee you 80 of the people would say good at being bad over bad You would not want to be bad at being good. If you make a poll, I guarantee you 80% of the people would say good at being bad over bad at being good.
You would not want to be bad at being good. You don't want to suck at being awesome.
Yeah. You want to kick ass at being a piece of shit.
Okay. Let's go to the next game.
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Discover the craftsmanship behind every bite at your local Boar's Head deli counter. Okay, Broncos Chiefs.
Drew Locke regression game. Yeah, well, small hands in the snow.
Small hands in the snow, and yikes, he stunk. He was under, being under 50% as a passer in the NFL in 2019 is gross.
It's tough to do, but this is the run that Andy Reid goes on every year that we talked about. I think this is, what, fifth game in a row that the Chiefs have won? Well, I was going to bring that up.
It does feel like the Chiefs are kind of the forgotten team in the AFC, and because Mahomes has not been Mahomes as of late, although today he finally was like old Mahomes. He was awesome today.
And their defense is a lot better than it was last year. Their defense is awesome today.
Yeah, their defense is making plays. Mahomes is back.
This is the team that I feel like we're going to get to January. Oh yeah, remember the Chiefs? Remember they were the one seed last year and had the MVP? They're pretty fucking good.
Remember Patrick mahomes is a 99 in madden yeah yeah they're gonna win 12 games they're gonna beat the bears next week and they're gonna beat the chargers at home in week 17 arrowhead is not an easy place to play in the playoffs when it's no one seed i know you're the two seed sorry when andy reed is standing in the snow like the nice thick flakes like madden snow that was going on today when he's in the snow and his blinking kind of slows down, he looks like a wise old owl. Yeah.
Just like focusing despite the elements. And guess what? Guess one of the only two teams that have beaten the Ravens this year.
Oh, yeah, it's the Chiefs. So the Chiefs have beaten, they lost to the Texans, but they beat the Patriots and the Ravens.
I feel like we've forgotten about the Chiefs. Hank, it looked like you had something to say earlier.
Well, I was going to say the completion percentage wasn't snowing that much. Yeah, but Patrick Mahomes was playing in the same snow and was exceptional.
He was the MVP, though. It was home snow, though.
Yeah, I know. That was his second start.
No, I know. Drew Locke regression was going to happen.
I mean, there's nothing. You can't bank on anything more than a guy being awesome early on in his career, like having an unbelievable game, and then probably spending the entire week hanging out with his friends, going to clubs, and being like, this is sick.
This league is easy for me. What did we talk about with Lindsey Vonn? There are different types of snow, right? Colorado snow is different from Kansas City snow.
There's corn and flakes. That was crispy, fat, thick.
It was nice. That was like fried snow.
Pancake batter snow. That's Andy Reid type snow, right? Andy Reid definitely keeps like a six pack of Diet Coke in the snow on the sidelines for himself.
Mm-hmm. So he, yeah, he, oh man, I wish he did the Dilly Bar.
Remember Dilly Bar? Yeah, yeah. That was the best.
He ate the ice cream in the snow in Minnesota. Beers that are kept outside.
And we all made the jokes, and then it turned out he just needed it for like his blood sugar he's like diabetic yeah this is so funny he's so fat he can't not eat ice cream in snow like no actually he's doing that to save his own life uh yeah so the chiefs are the forgotten team in the afc that's like one of those wildlife videos where you're like oh look how cute it is these otters are holding hands, they're actually doing that because the third one got attacked by a seawolf.

Yeah, and they're just trying to get them.

And they're trying to survive.

Yes, they're basically trying to get themselves to safety as fast as possible.

They're actually doing that because they both have debilitating otter STDs.

It's so cute.

Dilly Dan.

All right.

Dolphins, Giants, Eli.

Yes.

He's back to 500.

What a beautiful game for Eli. So he's back to 500.
It's his farewell game. Depending that if Daniel Jones stays injured, he will obviously have to play the last two games and week 17 is at home.
He's like a kiss reality tour. You can just keep saying this is Eli's last game and his family will keep going out to the games.
I'm happy that he had this moment. I really am.
I don't think he should play next week or the week after. He should go out like this.
He won. It felt good.
He threw three interceptions, as Eli does. He also, PFT, you know why this game was so perfect? Not only because he got to 117-117.
Because of this game, Eli Manning has now thrown an interception to 31 out of 32 teams in the NFL. The only team he hasn't, the New York Giants.
So perfect. So it almost was like destiny that he had to have all these things happen where he retires when they're playing the AFC East, and Daniel Jones gets hurt, and he gets to play against the Dolphins, he throws a couple extra interceptions on top just for good measure, just to make sure that it really counts.
So he threw three and it, you know, the crowd was going crazy. It felt cool.
Pat Shermer probably saved. He probably, he's like the anti McAdoo in the fact that they're the same exact coach, except he honored Eli, the living legend, and Ben McAdoobe did not.
I would like to see a Mr. 3000 type of comeback for Eli where one team brings him back to play just against the Giants so he can throw one interception against them, get everybody, collect them all.
Yes. Yeah, it was cool to see Eli out there.
I don't know if he's done, though, because Mr. Mara, after the game, when they were asking him, like, what was it like seeing Eli, you know, one last hurrah for Sweet Prince Eli, he said, well, you guys are making an assumption that he might not be done.
Oh, wow. So Mr.
Mara, his voice carries a lot of weight. So either we'll get Eli playing on a different team next year, fingers crossed to throw that one interception, or they might have him start the rest of the year need it i i mean pat shirmer should be fired but i really do think his treatment of eli could save his job he was nice enough to eli that mr mara will definitely put that in his pro like he's gonna make a pros and cons list after the season like cons he lost basically every game He lost basically every game.
He's a terrible head coach. Situational football awareness, zero.
He keeps talking about how we have a young team, but none of our young players get better. He's totally incompetent and a real moron.
Pros. He was really nice to Eli.
Pro. He has a face that isn't quite as punchable as Ben McAdoo.
Yeah, there it is. Yeah.
Boom. I mean, when you look at Pat Shermer and then you look at Ben McAdoo next to him,

Pat Shermer does look a lot better as a head coach than Ben McAdoo.

Yeah.

He doesn't try to slick his hair back and turn into some sort of like door-to-door

vacuum salesperson like Ben McAdoo did.

Yes.

Ben McAdoo actually did the Drew Locke thing where he had a small stretch of success.

It was like, guess what?

Now I'm badass Ben. Yeah.
Now I'm ready to call all the call all the shots slicking it with a tiny little door to my office he forgot he forgot he was ben mcadoo from pittsburgh there's a poll now on the tv we're reading the tv for the second time should eli keep playing should eli play again this season and keep playing versus sit him out is basically 50 50 49 50 50 50 i love this poll too because the people who say sit him out are just saying that so he can stay 117 and 117. And the people who want him to keep playing just want to keep playing so we can keep doing the Eli farewell tour.
And he does have two games left, so he could conceivably end his career at 500. Or even at 500 two more one win one loss oh oh people are oh it's retire or play somewhere else so yeah he's gonna he should i want him to play somewhere else fuck that let's say something nice about the dolphins davante parker signed a new deal and was good i have no idea who their running backs are so they'll never let me down in Daily Fantasy.
Yeah, two games in a row in MetLife. No coaches, to my knowledge, on that team have been videotaped doing cocaine.
There we go. And that was say something nice about the Dolphins.
The field's going to be in really good condition for the Super Bowl because there's definitely not going to be postseason football. Yes, they have not quit.
Well, sort of, but they sort of quit. sort of quit they sort of but not really they quit despite them trying not to quit right and being instructed to quit right uh all right next they're really bad at quitting oh saquon looked good again for the first time since like week two yeah i know he's been injured but i also i've put this in my tickler file pft i don't want people to that this is Saquon bashing because I do think Saquon is a special talent.
Remember last year when basically everyone was like, Saquon's the greatest running back of all time? That seemed a little premature. In retrospect, yeah.
You probably need to have him prove it a little bit. Well, wait, wait, Big Cat.
What happened? What was the difference between last year and this year with Saquon Barkley? Eli Manning was his quarterback last year. What was the difference today? Eli Manning was his quarterback.
He needs Eli to thrive. Just saying.
I have that in my tickler file. I know that everything's stacked against him.
He doesn't have a good offensive line. He was banged up this year.
Here's my hot take that I'm waiting to unveil on Saquon, which I'm going to just say right now. Sometimes he just doesn't get the easy yards.
He's one of those guys. He tries to hit a home run every time.
He tries to juke everyone out, like, just go forward, dude. Just go north-south.
He thinks it's still college. He thinks he's going up against Rutgers.
Just saying, that will be a future conversation. I'm not saying it now.
I still think he's a very good player. His legs are too big, and're too big of targets.
It's also hilarious that the Giants used the top five pick on a running back. That will forever be funny.
That's a very, very funny idea. It's a very funny thing.
Okay. Question for you, PFT.
Oh, no. We don't need a CK question because we did it with Joe.
Do you still want to ask me a question for free? Yes, I do want to ask you a question. Do you like Dwayne Haskins now? Dwayne Haskins keeps improving.
I hate him forever. He keeps improving.
You hate him forever because of the play, which is very Jameis-like at the end of the game. He just threw it backwards! He could have thrown a Hail Mary, and he just tossed it backwards.
He was in the grasp. He probably should have just taken the sack and gone down.
Throws it backwards. It gets returned for a touchdown.
Eagles cover the spread, making all of us who continually bet against the Redskins look very smart. The Redskins covered for 60 minutes.
They covered for the entire game. They literally covered for 60 minutes.
That's unfair. That's illegal.
I want to protest. I don't know what we can do, but that was the right bet, and Dwayne Haskins just decided to just throw the ball backwards for no fucking reason I didn't even have it on my radar because the Redskins were covering they were threatening to win this game they were pissing me off how closely they were coming to win in the game do you think that just Urban Meyer up in the booth watching that last play do you.
Do you think that gave Urban Meyer a fake heart attack?

I think it might have.

A brief one.

Like a heartburn.

Why?

Okay.

Urban Meyer.

I know why Urban Meyer is going to these games.

I think he went to a Cowboys game a couple weeks ago as well.

He's doing it because he loves to be talked about as like,

Ooh, Urban Meyer to the NFL.

And he wants to be in the buzz.

Why does anyone think that Urban Meyer would be good as an nfl coach his his strengths good at ignoring bad things that are happening off the field to me that's that's a big part about being a good his strengths are he is one of if not the best recruiter of all time like he, he basically made Ohio state and sec team with his recruiting ability. And he is also a great motivator of like kids, 18 to 22 year olds getting that.
You know, if you watched basically urban Meyer play against Michigan at any point, he's got kids from all over the country thinking that Ohio versus like fighting there for for their lives for the state of Ohio. Like, a kid from Florida is like, I need to win for the state of Ohio.
That's Urban Meyer's doing. What is he also really bad at? Taking losses in stride.
He basically has a heart attack every time he has a loss. Do you know what happens in the NFL? You lose games.
You don't get to go 12-1 every single year. In D.C.? D.C.
would kill him, actually. Urban Meyer in the NFL makes no sense to me.
It doesn't make any sense, but it also kind of does make sense because NFL owners just want to throw money. It's crazy.
So, yeah, he probably won't be a great NFL head coach. No, he'd be bad.
He would die. But he still makes sense about the fact that he might become an NFL.
I could absolutely see him coaching in the NFL for like one year and being like, no, not for me. Urban Meyer would be Saban in the NFL.
No different. No different.
He's a control freak. He is a motivator who makes every game feel like life and death.
You cannot do that in the NFL. He would not be good in the NFL.
So it's it's crazy that any team now it's not crazy because there's dumb owners like you said but it's crazy anyone who watches football understands football understands how good Urban Meyer is as a college coach would ever think that would translate to the NFL yeah so I think that he I'm trying to talk myself into being excited for Urban Meyer coaching the Washington Redskins and I shouldn't be. And I shouldn't be.
But it's like he coached Dwayne Haskins. Nope.
They've got that connection. Nope.
I don't know. Nope.
Nope. Nope.
I don't know. I'm starting to think about it.
Nope. He's a bad human, and I don't like him.
I shouldn't say he's a bad human. Well, no, you can say that.
As far as I know, he's not a great human. Oh, here's another good reason why he'd be a good head coach in the NFL.
He's great at not spending time with his family. Yeah.
So that's like number one on the list of things that you need to do as an NFL head coach. He's got that contract.
All right, the other side of this game, the Eagles. So they're still alive.
It all just goes to that. I've read like a million different win-loss scenarios for the Eagles and Cowboys, and it really just like anything can happen.
It just all matters about next week. Yeah.
That's it. That's it.
So Carson Wentz was for all the shit he's been getting all year. He was awesome in the fourth quarter in that game-winning drive.
He's throwing to Greg Ward Jr. as his primary receiver.
Who's a quarterback. He's got no one left.
And on top of all that, Eagles fans, you're going to hate that I'm about to say this, but Miles Sanders is getting dangerously too good to the point where he will obviously get injured. Oh, come on.
Like, you can't have the Eagles season the way it's gone. As soon as a player steps up, it's like, this is the guy we can now trust.
Because Miles Sanders is that guy now. He's their best player on offense like besides probably zach hurts um skill player he is now in definite danger to get hurt and have eagles fans be like are you serious another injury i keep waiting for ortega white side to play really well because he got such a cool name he can go up and get the jump ball yeah he seems like a guy that that would be a really good wide receiver just because he's such he's got such a badass name that you like to say it right you want to see a name like that in the stat sheet showing up but every time i look down at him he's got like one catch for 11 yards not good yeah not great so the yeah the bottom line is the nfc east is just going to come down to who sucks less and i right now it looks like the cowboys i don't know week to week you can't count on the cowboys to show up next week like they showed up this week.
I'm pissed, too, at the NFL because this is going to sound crazy, but I actually would have liked to see the Eagles-Cowboys in prime time. I know we've seen that 10 billion times in the last 10 years, but I can't believe they didn't flex out the Bears who were eliminated from the postseason.
Yeah. It's crazy.
Again, I think it's just to fuck with you personally. It's a personal fuck you.
Okay, so the Eagles win. Again, all that matters is next week.
One last note, Terry McLaurin is awesome. And if you're a Redskins fan, just buy his jersey.
Yeah, he's really good. He'll probably get hurt too.
That one-handed catch that he had? Yeah. He's awesome.
Sick. Whoa, you just whistle? I tried to.
I'm not very good. Can you whistle? Hank, can you whistle?

Okay.

Now you've got a swarm of birds attacking you.

So annoying.

If you're listening to this on stereo.

Okay.

Yeah, that was definitely the most annoying part of the podcast.

And we've mentioned the TV twice when people can't see it.

And American Ninja Warrior hasn't even started.

That's right.

We're not looping yet.

Seahawks, Panthers. This is the game that when we were talking, doing before the show prep, I feel like I didn't even see a play from this game, even though there were a lot of plays.
I saw two. I saw two plays in this game.
I saw Josh Gordon with that deep perception. I saw DK Metcalf catch a ball.
Yep. And that's about it.
I think I saw Christian McCaffrey with the ball at some point. Well, it was a taking care of business game.
The Seahawks just had to go win because we all expected them to. They went east, though, and they didn't cover.
Yeah. Well, they pushed, but they shouldn't have pushed because they gave up 14 points in the last.
That was a classic. Seahawks didn't want to win by too much and screw up the statistical anomaly of an 11-win team having like a zero point differential.
So they were like, well, we got to let them back in it. But this is a game that essentially meant nothing because it's like the Seahawks held serve and the Panthers have long been eliminated.
And all that happened was everything we know was just confirmed. Russell Wilson is awesome.
The Seahawks defense, maybe a little iffy. Some injuries.
Kyle Allen sucks. Well, yeah.
And Christian McCaffrey's awesome. What I learned about Kyle Allen over the last three weeks or so is that Moxie is a finite resource.
Yeah. So when you come into the league with Moxie, when you're just shooting Moxie out of your eyeballs, you have probably eight to nine weeks to use up all your Moxie.
And in eight to nine weeks you better become actually good and so his moxie got drained and now he just sucks it also moxie runs out a lot faster when you have small hands that's true i shouldn't say he sucks either though i feel like i'm jumping all over him he's he's a serviceable backup yes but he's not like the moxie has run out to the point where you're like, he's clearly not a starter. That was just Moxie.
Here's what Kyle Allen should have faked an injury a couple weeks ago and finished the season on a relatively like, hey, that guy was okay. He could be a starter.
Yeah. The more tape he puts out there, he's hurting himself as like a backup for the next 10 years.
The only guy I can think of that made a career off Moxie at quarterback is Brett Favre.

Yeah.

And he had to sell like three inches of his dick to do it.

He had all the Moxie.

It was coming out of everywhere.

Especially when he was puking up all the pills.

He had Moxie just flowing out of his crocs.

Yeah.

All right.

Jaguars, Raiders.

This was so fucking sad, man. This was so sad.
I was so sad for the Raider fans. Black hole, done.
Meltdown, fourth quarter. The Jaguars were playing for nothing.
Win. Gorilla Rilla.
Did you see him at the end of the game? There's nothing sadder than a sad gorilla. Derek carr went up to him like he was the president it was incredible to like pay his respects to go to a man a grown man in a gorilla uh costume in the stands yeah and derrick carr was like i gotta go i gotta go see gorilla rilla yeah one last time and i went and i looked i found quote of course gorilla rilla was quoted uh heilla Rilla.
Did they quote Gorilla Rilla? No, they quoted the guy, but he is Gorilla Rilla. I wish it was just from Gorilla Rilla.
I feel even worse for Gorilla Rilla because Gorilla Rilla is, and again, for people who don't understand what we're saying here, it's Gorilla Rilla. It is a man who has dressed in a gorilla costume for the last 25 years and gone to every Oakland Raiders game.
He is very relatable because he is a future Gorilla Rilla guy problem. So he said it was quite emotional.
My eyes started to tear up a little bit knowing these were steps I walked around in my younger days, and now it will be be no longer for me i must say i have been in denial for the last three years when it came up that they're moving but it finally hit today it hit me sunday when i walked up the steps the error is coming to an end so gorilla rilla much like anyone who has anything they don't want to face head on has spending the last has spent the last three they're never going to move. This is fine.
And then today, like a ton of bricks, our sweet prince, Gorilla Rilla, RIP. That makes me so sad that Derek Carr went up.
It's actually kind of funny. That's a hilarious picture.
A guy that got killed on a field went up to a gorilla in the stands. It's the reverse Harambe.
Yes.

Yeah.

Gorilla Rilla.

Man, it's sad.

It is very sad.

You see they're throwing nachos onto the field in protest.

Somewhere Guy Fieri cries a single tear. How many followers do you think Gorilla Rilla has?

I would say 15,000.

18,000.

Pretty close.

Damn.

Gorilla Rilla.

I'm going to give Gorilla Rilla a quick follow. I want to see what Gorilla Rilla does with the second part of his life.
But does he move to Vegas? I think you have to. Yeah, this is tough.
I mean, really, if you're an Oakland Raiders fan, this is your big chance to do something crazy and say, you know what, fuck it. I'm going to live in Las Vegas.
Yeah, or I'm going to root for the Seahawks and actually win football games or the 49ers yeah or the 49ers but uh the black hole is done it went out in just horrific fashion that game sucked well it also went out in true black hole fashion because Gardner Minshew said that he's never seen as many middle fingers in one place as he did today yeah and like it went out as the Raiders they died as they lived and they losing a horrific home game and flipping off your opponent right and the last time they moved uh from Oakland they also lost so this is tradition as is tradition yeah and hey here's a spin zone if you're a Raider fan uh wouldn't you rather leave it's like leaving vacation on a rainy day that's actually a great point You don't want to leave vacation when it's beautiful out and be like, man, what are we missing? You want to leave on a loss and have Minshew Mania pop back up in the fourth quarter and your offense just puked down its legs. Right, so if they had made the playoffs this year, let's say they even make a run in the playoffs, you're probably really happy with the way that this last season went.
It's like one last magical run for Al, for the flame. For the flame.
Marshawn Lynch is lighting blunts on them. And then they move to Las Vegas.
At that point, if they start to really win in Vegas, building off what they started in Oakland, then you're like, fuck that. That's not their team.
Right. At this point, it's like, okay, they sucked this year.
They weren't good, didn't make the playoffs, ended with a horrific loss at home to the jacksonville jaguars who are on their own losing skid it's easier to say goodbye yeah you just had breakup sex and you nutted in like 30 seconds yeah it was awkward you caught her cheating on you yeah with vegas yeah it's like all right fine you know what get out easy to pull the band-aid off this i was just I mean, you have just a bunch of people. There was that one guy who said, I spent all my kids' Christmas money so I could be here.
Dad of the year. There was black hole.
I mean, that's exactly what you expect out of the black hole. That and a couple weeks ago, the guy that said, I'm missing court to be here.
Also the black hole. So we as sports fans have lost something by losing the black hole.
And, yeah, that's it.

Shout out Gorilla Rilla.

I have a question for you, Big Cat.

Yeah.

Is Leonard Fournette fat?

He's thick.

I think he's getting fat.

No, he's thick.

I don't think you could be – because remember when he breaks out?

Yeah, you can.

No, he'll run fast at times.

You can't be fat and run that fast.

I think you can to a certain extent.

No, I think he's just real thick.

He's borderline fat, but he's thick still.

I mean, Jerome Bettis was fat, but he had quick feet.

Yeah, he had beautiful feet.

But he never outran anyone.

Right, I don't think that Leonard Fournette is that type of body where he'll be able to sustain being fat. That's fine.
But he's not fat yet. He's borderline.
Speaking of borderline. BMI he is.
Yeah, thick fat guys. Remember Zion? Remember that? Like, what is he? Where is he? He's coming? Really? Jesus Christ, dude.
Bust. Fucking bust.
Another Duke bust. Big time.
Alright, before we do the next next game you know that one sandwich you always crave the one that just hits every single time for me it's a simple yet perfect combination boar's head oven gold turkey sliced thin piled high on fresh sourdough with sharp cheddar crisp lettuce tomato little honey mustard, and just a touch of mayo.

Simple, but the flavor's unreal.

And that's the thing.

When you start with quality ingredients, you don't need to do much.

Boar's Head is my go-to because every bite tastes like it was made just for me.

Premium cuts, incredible flavor, and that perfect balance of freshness.

So next time you're at the deli, do yourself a a favor ask for boar's head and build your ultimate sandwich trust me you'll taste the difference head to your local boar's head deli and experience the craftsmanship behind every bite browns cardinals let's discuss freddy kitchens you're done you're fired're fired. We would think that he would be done.
But we are not the Browns. And the owner of the Browns, Haslam, said that Freddie Kitchens is not necessarily going to be gone.
They're putting their trust in Freddie. So I have some counterpoints to that.
First up, this game. Cardinals defense.
They said barring something catastrophic okay well here was this a cat here it is a catastrophe maybe you decide cardinals defense is giving up the most yards in the nfl the third most points the browns scored 17 points they scored a touchdown late in garbage time they scored 17 points against the the the defense that's giving up the most yards in the NFL. The Cardinals offense scores 20 points a game.
The Browns gave up 38. And not only that, but the Cardinals offense isn't very good at rushing.
They're middle of the pack, 110 yards rushing a game. They gave up 226 yards.
On top of all that, Kenyon Drake, the last 25 games before today he had four rushing touchdowns. Today, four rushing touchdowns.
He has ten rushing touchdowns in his entire career. He just went, he like, I don't know what's the math on that.
And then one of those He had four today, so he has 14 now. One of those was on the whoop whoop whoop lateral against the Patriots.
Insane. Insane how bad the Browns looked, how bad they're prepared, how bad everything.
On top of all that, Freddie Kitchens got in a fight with Jarvis Landry on the sideline. I don't know if I'd call that a fight.
They were pissed off because they were losing. Jarvis Landry and Odell Beckham had the worst body language I've ever seen.
They were just sitting there with their hands in their heads like what the fuck is going on and then here's the kicker Freddy Kitchens after the game he said quote I don't care about my future as a Browns coach he's literally firing himself well no what he said after the game was he was saying that like his job is to prepare for next week no his business is not to worry about whether or not he's gonna get fired he said I don't care about my future as Browns coach so if he doesn't care just fire him and then he did do one thing right for everyone out there like hey say something nice about Freddie Kitchens he does know how the days of the week work because he said I'm gonna show up Monday and do the best job that I can do, and that's tomorrow. Fact.
So there you go. Say something nice about Freddy Kitchens.
He knows that tomorrow is Monday, and Monday is when he's going to show up tomorrow. He's got a calendar.
He's the kind of guy that remembers his days of the week based on what the specials are at the local deli. It's Meatball Monday, so it's going to be a big one for me.
I know that you don't want to fire a coach after you just fired a coach and it's like the revolving door thing and everything. There are two questions.
Two questions you have to ask yourself whenever you're thinking about firing a coach. One is, am I going to be able to get an upgrade over this guy? Right now, the answer is yes.
The second is, would anyone else hire this guy as a head coach the second he hit the market? Probably not. Third question.

Well, the Lions maybe.

Third question.

Is the coach having the team very ill-prepared for every single Sunday?

And did he have one of the players bash the opposing team with his helmet

in an act that the NFL has never seen?

In an assault that the NFL has never seen.

Also, yes.

Well, it's assault, period.

Assault!

To me, that's more like assault.

I'm sorry. an act that the NFL has never seen.
In an assault that the NFL has never seen. Also, yes.
Well, it's assault, period. Assault! To me, that's more like assault.
I like how you've given that tweet. Oh, yeah.
I tweet it all the time. No, I know, but it doesn't sound like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but that's how he said it. No, he yelled at the screen.
There was no exclamation point. Yeah, I know.
It was assault, period. To me, the period made it funnier because he was like, assault.
No, he yelled, though. He yelled at the screen.
He was like, he might have typed something different, but I know how Chef's... He was like, that's assault! That's assault.
And then he tells everyone around him, isn't that assault, guys? That's assault. Technically, that's assault.
Freddy Kitchens is not doing himself any favors by becoming more and more swollen as the year goes on. He needs a stand-up desk.
Freddy Kitchens needs a treadmill on the sidelines. How about he needs to just not be an idiot all the time? That would help, too.
That wouldn't help his bloat. I don't care about my future as Browns coach.
I think what he was saying with that quote was pretty obvious. He's ready to fire himself.
He was just saying, like, that's not my job to worry about that. Correct.
So then just fire him. So then just fire him.
If he doesn't care, just fire him fire i don't think he's saying he doesn't care i know but just fire fire him anyways fire him because you can just say that be like hey dude remember when he said that it doesn't matter how he said it so it's a paper trail for hr purposes yeah it's like dude he resigned care you do not care he literally resigned i know what he's saying like he doesn't actually care like it's not his to worry about it. The funny thing is that in a vacuum, the Browns should be happy with a 7-9 season if that's where they end up, right? Like, 7-9 for the Browns? That's not bad for that franchise.
It's a shit show. It is.
I wonder if Odell Beckham requested a trade to the Cardinals. They gave up.
Probably not. I think that's where he would probably draw the line on that one.
226 yards rushing to the Cardinals. Four touchdowns for Kenyon Drake.
Kenyon Drake won the first game that he's won. He had a 14-game losing streak, 11 games this season.
The 2008, was it the Lions, are popping their bottle of 211 right now? Kenyon Drake has won a game. There you go.
Yeah, so next week they have the Ravens. Odell Beckham is probably just going to defect to the Ravens, like a Cuban pitcher at the World Baseball Classic.
He's going to lock himself in a hotel room in Baltimore. He's just going to be on the other sideline by the end of the game and be like, yep, this is the team I play for now.
I have a question for you, though. Am I super crazy to think that the Browns still aren't that far away from being a good team? They're very far away as long as they don't have a head coach.
Take Freddy Kitchens out of the equation. Let's just say it's Urban Meyer.
No, they have a lot of talent. They have a talented roster.
Their line needs work. They're the Browns.
Nick Schaub is really, really good. I also think you've got to – I don't know what you do with Odell Beckham because I feel feel like you might want to move on from that this is crazy to think but the browns might be one of the most attractive head coaching destinations for next year yeah absolutely how weird is that they have a franchise quarterback they're ready to go but you have to you have to obviously change a couple things and i do think you the browns have to i don't know what odell beckham's contract is but they have to move on from that right because he's not happy I know he's not happy I think with Odell he's just he's going to be happy if they win no so like if you get rid of Freddie in the offseason and you bring someone else in that you think can win then Odell's gonna become happy pretty quickly but they the Browns have the talent to be a good offense if they run the ball and you know like basically their identity should be running the ball running the ball running the ball and play action pass and not having to force the ball to odell odell beckham down the field like they shouldn't be trying to throw down the field constantly because they don't have the offensive line for it i just it's weird the whole thing just doesn't make sense.
They run too much 11 personnel. Yeah, they need their tight end back.
That's what Warren Sharp told us. So I think that Odell would probably be happy not getting the huge stats that he's put up in the past.
You don't have to force the ball to him. Just give him a summer.
Let him spend the entire summer on a boat. Just be like, Odell, we know that you love being on the water.
Go hang out on a boat for the entire off season come back we'll have a new head coach we're gonna win football games i'm pretty sure he's gonna be happy at that point he just he doesn't like losing he takes it out on on the nearest kicking nets and gatorade coolers and dumbass also not like he has not played well that's also not like i i was definitely on the side of the odell gets unfairly criticized because he's very passionate but he has not played well this year and he might be injured and that's fine but I don't know it just feels like you know you're trying to force something that's just not going to work I think giving up on Odell Beckham right now it's not giving up you're going to get something for him yeah you'll get something for him but I still think that whatever you get for Odell Beckham probably isn't going to be as good as Odell Beckham at his peak.

I don't know. I think the league has shown that the way to build a team is not through premier wide receivers.

It's a nice add-on, but you need a lot of other things.

They obviously need to rework the line.

So if you could trade Odell Beckham for pieces that would make your line better, you'd have to do it.

For three offensive linemen. Or draft picks or whatever, yeah.
I would trade Odell Beckham for three above-average offensive linemen. Yeah, so there you go.
We just fixed the Browns. Okay, you're welcome.
And fire Freddy Kitchens. I feel like there's no point in having that type of wide receiver if you have other problems that you can build.
The roster construction doesn't really make sense to me. That's what I'm saying.
Well, Swagger Jr. is still undefeated at home.
That's true. That's true.
All right. Next up, Viking Chargers.
The Chargers had seven turnovers. That's pretty impressive.
Phillip Rivers, he's gotten to the old crotchety man point in his career. We all have grandparents and people who are aging that sometimes just say shit, whatever comes to the top of their head.
That's how Phillip Rivers plays football right now. He just says, fuck it.
I'm going to throw it wherever I want to throw it. I'm going to fumble whenever I want to fumble.
He just throws it straight down the center of the field as high as he can, as far as he can. That's 25% of his offense right now.
Melvin Gordon got benched for fumbles, which you don't really see in the NFL very often. It's not like that's kind of a college thing where it's like, hey, this guy can't play because he's going to put the ball on the deck.
Belichick doesn't. Melvin Gordon knows not to bench.
No, Belichick just cuts him. He just straight cut you.
But Melvin Gordon, that was a weird move to bench him. It's like, probably just want to play your best players.
Sometimes you don't have sticky hands. Yeah, it was one of those weird games where the Vikings didn't really have to do anything.
They just had to let the Chargers fuck this up. I will say, though, Daniil Hunter is awesome.
Sorry, yeah, Daniil Hunter for the Vikings. I think he's the youngest guy to get 50 sacks, and he was a force all day.
I think he had the strip sack. He had another sack.
The Vikings defense looks like it can play with anyone. They got a big game next week against the Packers.
How bad would it suck losing your best player on offense in a game that you were going to win anyways, even without him? Oh, yeah, we should talk fantasy. So Dalvin Cook is out with a shoulder, right? I don't know if it's a shoulder or if it's the fact that he was holding up an oxygen mask to his ear at some point he got hot yeah he got the bends Ben Roethlisberger's definitely held up an oxygen mask to his ear at some point as a telephone like yeah well no two of them at the same time yeah yeah trying to like listen to the band air uh uh you said this to Hank I'm gonna give you credit for the the Dalvin Cook screwed so many people in their fantasy playoffs today.
Was it you, too? No, I'm actually out in all my leagues. Not that you care.
I do care. I care.
A happy Hank is a happy life. You guys are out, too, if anyone out there cares.
No, no one cares. We'll bleep that out.
Officially? Not officially. We have Drew Brees.
How many points do you need Drew to throw tomorrow? 50, I think. 50, he can do it.
He can do that.

50, Berger?

Just a Colts, sure.

That's no problem.

Yeah, that does suck.

That's why fantasy is the dumbest,

because you might have the best team all year,

and then you get to the fantasy playoffs,

and Dalvin Cook goes out with the shoulder injury.

Or you went against Kenyon Drake, who had four touchdowns.

Yeah, that too would suck.

Yeah, someone picked up Kenyon Drake and was like,

hey, I'm going to start this guy.

It also sucks if you're the Minnesota Vikings,

and you go to the real playoffs, and Dalvin Cook's out.

Yeah, that would It sucks. Yeah.
Someone picked up Kenny Drake was like, hey, I'm going to start this guy. It also sucks if you're the Minnesota Vikings and you go to the real playoffs and Dalvin cooks out.
Yeah, that would also suck. So the Vikings, the Vikings are the classic team where they could be good, but it's still Kirk Cousins.
Yep. So who knows? They are going to get to the playoffs.
So PFT, I know the done chain, which I apologize for. It's true.
You did. I apologize.
They are going to get to the playoffs though because the Rams lost. And let's go to that game.
The Cowboys, that was an absolute ass kicking through and through. The Cowboys basically did everything that has been promised with this Cowboys roster and how talented they are.
They did it all today. You know what it was? Jason Garrett played the team a highlight reel of some of their old good performances before this game.
He did. Got them believing in themselves again.
There we go. And then Garrett went out and had a first half to remember.
I actually took a video. Maybe we can make a video out of this because I've got all the clips of him on the sidelines throughout the entire first half.
I think they showed him like times and he didn't say a single word while he was on camera how long did they show him well some of the clips were three seconds some were up to 14 seconds jesus where jason garrett was just staring off into the abyss not saying a word lets his guys go let the plays let yeah let the players do the talking um the big news though of this game outside the coin toss which it The whole defer thing, like why? Everyone knows that you should just say we either want to kick or we want to. Like, you should just pick.
We're going to either kick or we're going to receive and then flip it on the second half. How pissed off do you think Jameis was to find out that someone discovered how to commit a turnover before the game even started? Yeah.
That feels like something. But then New York got involved and it ended up not happening.
So they righted that wrong. Isn't it technically gambling to do a coin toss before the game? What do you mean? It's kind of gambling, isn't it? Call heads or tails as you flip a coin.
Just something that Goodell should look into. Okay.
The big news, though, of this game, Skip Bayless pulled the Zeke jersey out of the trash. What? Yes.
It was in there this whole time? The whole time. The whole time.
That trash can in his kitchen with no trash bag in there. He went in there.
He walked into the kitchen. He opened the trash, and he pulled out the Zeke jersey.
I love it. I didn't see that.
Yeah. Breaking news.
That's a big turnaround. Now, is Miss Elliott going to be happy with him? I don't know.
Are they back on good terms? I don't know. I think Skip Bailish just has trash.
He uses trash cans like you or I might use under bed storage. Yeah.
Where we put the stuff away for the winter we're not going to need or something that, you know, we're not, we're, we're done wearing, but we're not committed enough to get rid of. Yeah.
Skip doesn't seem like a guy who uses like anything in his kitchen. No.
Not, not dishes, not maybe one mug. But other than that, he's always eating out.
He's always, you know. Yeah, Ernestine's pretty happy.
Yeah, so the Zeke jersey comes out of the trash. The Cowboys are back on track somehow.
And on top of all that, I'm sitting here. I watch that game.
I see how good the Cowboys look. I'm like, they might have a home playoff game.
Are they going to be a tough out? Yeah, and that would be the ultimate. So stupid.
They win a playoff game, maybe two. And Jason Garrett is coming back, baby.
They had two rushers over 100 yards. Everything worked.
Literally, that was the perfect game the Cowboys played from start to finish. Well, that's what i've been kind of saying about the cowboys is locking up ezekiel elliott might be the smart thing to do before you lock up dak prescott because the team kind of goes as ezekiel goes although tony pollard had more yards in him yeah i know but the running game is important yes i agree with you dak is a great quarterback right now he's better than carson wince where do we? Carson Wentz played better today, I think, than Dak did.
I don't know. I think he's better right now.
I think we're just going to debate that forever. We're going to find out next week, actually.
We're going to debate that forever, and neither of them are going to win anything. Once and for all, we'll find out who the best quarterback is next week.
At the time. Also, this game would have been totally different if Jared Goff didn't hurt his thumb.
I think we can all agree, right? He banged his thumb on a helmet very early on. The Rams probably win.
They cheated, actually. Yeah, the Rams win if Jared Goff doesn't hurt his thumb.
Did you know that Sean Lee's nickname is the general? That makes sense. Yeah, it's such a nickname for him, isn't it? He also had a bloody knee.
He was just running around. I think he just always has a bloody knee.
This time it was externally. Yeah, right.
No, it was actually an upgrade for him. Right.
You knew that that just needed a band-aid not you know surgery and nine months of rehab with sean lee if you can see blood it means that you're still intact internally they said they're like oh sean lee's playing like a young kid out there the general yeah fuck sean lee because he's a shitty insurance policy good job all right last game uh and then we're gonna do quickly who's back and then get to Joe Burrow. Falcons 49ers, the stunner of the weekend.
Wait, going back one second to the Cowboys game. Yeah.
I hate the fucking afternoon games in the sun. You saw it too.
Yeah, it was weird. It fucked everything up.
The sun in the Cowboys stadium, they wait until – It's a cheat code. I don't know how they do it with the roof and the windows on each end.
It just sucks. It's a cheat code.
Mr. Ray Baker.
Yeah. You'll find out about that later.
Wow. Way to step on Joe.
I didn't ruin anything. You did.
I don't think they'll know. Son.
It's a tease. Okay.
The Joe Burrow interview is coming up in a second. All right.
Falcons 49ers. Last game of the weekend.
The shocker of the weekend, 49ers. This was such a letdown spot for them.
We talked about it on Friday, being on the East Coast for two weeks, playing the Ravens, playing the Saints, winning against the Saints in an awesome game, and coming all the way back and having the Falcons, the Dan Quinn revenge game against Kyle Shanahan. And I don't know.
I mean, this was – do you throw this out as saying this was just a letdown spot? Or are you like, hey, this is actually concerning for the 49ers? I mean, it's actually a huge win for the Seahawks and the Saints. Yes.
Big time win. And the Packers.
Yeah. Yeah.
So Dan Quinn helped out the entire NFC, helped out every team that he hates probably.

Yeah.

By winning this game.

My takeaway was that the Falcons should just onside kick every single kick that they have ever.

Yeah.

So that was the other one that happened.

They should do what Dak Prescott tried to do

and say that they'll kick in both halves.

It was crazy.

It was another one where if you had the under in this game,

I don't know how many apologies I can give you because the Falcons scored 13 points the last four seconds of the game. And it was insane.
I had the over, and I had put that one to bed. You still didn't understand it.
I didn't understand. Yeah, because they changed the channel after that touchdown.
And they had just scored. And they just scored, so I was like, okay, that's the end of the game.
And then somehow you guys keep yelling at me that my bet won. Dude, you won.
Yeah, I still don't believe it. So the one problem I would say for the 49ers in this game is that Greg Kittle is so fucking good, but he might be the only guy that is worth anything when it comes to throwing the ball.
He had, through the first quarters jimmy g had 15 completions 12 of them were to kittle that's insane that is pretty great he had 131 of the 142 yards in the first three quarters passing that's crazy and he had that pancake block where he was just laughing he was doing the rob gronkowski where he wrestled a guy into the end zone, and then the camera caught him just smiling his ass off as he was getting up. He's a horse.
He's an absolute beast. But it's like you've got to have someone else who can help him out, who can help Jimmy G out, and that would be my only concern if I were the 49ers.
Yeah, but if you can run the ball. Emmanuel Sanders? Yeah, Emmanuel Sanders.
I don't know, but where was he today? He's pretty good. He's pretty good.
If you can run the ball and then hit Greg Kittle every now and again, that's all that offense really needs, though. Yeah.
Because the defense is pretty good. Losing to the Falcons at home is bad.
I'm saying, like, do you think this is something? Because they couldn't really run the ball. I'm going to call it a trap game and move on.
All right. All right.
I'm just wondering where you live. Like, you see these games, and I agree with you.
It's a bad spot. bad spot it's trap game I had the Falcons but there were also some things you're like that that feels bad for a team that that you know has Super Bowl aspirations like if they can't spread the ball around and they can't have other guys help out in the passing game they become pretty one dimensional.
I think that last weekend's game was probably more instructive than this one. So their game against the Saints, our big concern about Garoppolo was he can't play quarterback when you want him to be a quarterback.
Right. He can play quarterback with a lead or with a tie game, and he actually got into a duel with Drew Brees, and they ended up winning the game.
So I think that's probably more indicative of their future in the playoffs, I would say. Yeah yeah a lot's going to come down to whether or not they get home field advantage which they kind of screwed up yeah so they got to win out now um all right pft why don't you do a couple ad reads before we do a quick who's back and then we'll do joe burrow and send everyone on their way so our first ad is coming to you from peloton i'm not going to be able to do the Peloton halftime show, Genesis halftime show on Monday night.
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Terms and conditions apply. All right, back to part of my take.
And now, who's back of the week? Hank. Who's back? USA.
Okay. Rugby? USA Rugby is kind of back.

They put up a good fight this weekend.

Uh-oh.

What?

They put up a good fight.

That didn't sound good.

They were put in a really tough pool because it's the second tournament of the year.

So in their pool, it was them, Fiji.

I didn't mean to do this.

And South Africa and Japan.

So we beat the shit out of Japan.

And then we almost beat South Africa. And then we didn't beat Fiji.
Okay. Sorry.
USA won the President's Cup down in Melbourne. Oh, another thing I don't care about.
The President's Cup. I was trying to follow along.
I was confused by the scoring of it. But it seemed like it was like.
Hey, can you just do this entire segment with the Australian accent? I was very confused. The details were a bit muggy.
But it seemed like the U.S. came from behind and had an exhilarating win thanks to Tiger.
Apparently we just win this thing every fucking time, though. I don't think so.
I think so. I think Rory and the boys.
No, Rory's not allowed to play. It's not.
That's bollocks. Yeah.
You're thinking of the Ryder Cup. Right.

It's everyone but Europe. I am thinking

of the Ryder Cup. The Breezy and Scop is an entirely

different thing altogether. It's

everybody outside the United Kingdom.

It is. Right.
Scott O'Neill

is from South Africa. Yeah, so it's stupid.
We just

kicked the shit out of everybody. We made a tournament just

to like... Actually, I kind of like that.
Never mind.

Yeah, to just beat the world. Just made a tournament to win

every single time. Hey, rest of the world, I dare you

to play us in football. Real football.

Kick your ass. Yeah, it's been

Thank you. To like, actually, I kind of like that.
Never mind. Yeah, to just beat the world.
To win every single time. Hey, rest of the world, I dare you to play us in football.
Real football. Kick your ass.
Yeah, it's been around since 1998, it's saying. I thought it was the Ryder Cup.
I'm not going to lie. And the rest of the world's only won once.
Good. So we literally just created.
We're basically the big brother where we're like, hey, you want to play a game? Like, want to play one-on-one? And one time we let the rest of the world win. Okay.
I like that a lot. So we're back.
Also, my Who's Back of the Week dovetails on that because Patrick Reed is back again. Yeah.
So aside from the whole sand wedge thing where he was just kind of brooming out the sand trap before he was hitting a shot, his caddy, who it should be noted, is his wife's brother. Right.
Because he's the kind of guy who's only friends with his wife and her immediate family. Correct.
He tried to punch an Australian fan who was giving Patrick Reed shit for cheating. Yeah.
So totally out of line by the Australian fan. Call it Patrick Reed for cheating.
You can't get mad at Patrick Reed for cheating. That's what Patrick Reed does.
reed does it was also such a sorry not sorry he's like we get so much shit all the time so yeah i went up to the guy and i pushed him what and the and then i walked away worst thing that happened he might have spilled a little beer which i absolutely will not refund him for yeah he is there you go i'm pretty sure that patrick reed and his wife are related in some way because that's an exact thing that patrick reed. So yeah, he got off his golf cart, pushed him down, got sent out of the tournament, got sent home, and then I don't know who his caddy was.
I was hoping that Patrick Reed's wife was going to be his caddy for the last round. He probably had to do it himself because he has no friends.
No friends at all. No, he probably had to have whatever the course, some 18-year-old kid.
Just found a guy on the parking lot. Isn't it summer there? Yeah, yeah.
So he's probably... Do they do school? Do they do summer vacation? Do Australians go to school? No.
No, they do summer vacation right now? Well, yeah, because you don't have school. That's crazy.
Why are you getting mad at somebody for starting a fight in Australia? Agreed. Two things.
One, if you live in Australia, that's how you say hello. Give somebody a good crack.
Push them. You push their beer out.
Oy, cunt, boom. And then you punch them.
That's like shaking their hand. Nice.
Number two, if your boss is Patrick Reed, you should be allowed to blow off steam by fighting anyone you want. Agreed.
If you have to deal with that shit 40 hours a week. Double agree.
Double agree. So I think we all agree.
Fair play. All right right my who's back is uh christmas parties everyone be safe this week there's always it's always interesting going to your office christmas party don't be the the guy i think we've talked about this but don't be the drunkest yep but also don't have fun because it's awesome to have here's i i think places should start doing christmas parties in in January because this is like too many Christmas parties happen right now where you get Christmas party overload.
Give them a little treat on the other side of January 1st. Or like in the summertime.
Yeah, just revolutionize the Christmas party. There are no real holidays in the summer.
So why don't you have an Australian Christmas? Yeah, there's also a way for your boss to like cheap out because all all the all the restaurants are a lot cheaper to have a christmas party in like january 10th my mind just got blown in christmas in australia do they celebrate when it's hot outside yeah that's what i'm saying dude the fact that they're like the summer christmas that's crazy that is you you just brushed right by the fact that that they're on summer break and it's also going to be Christmas?

That's crazy.

Yeah.

It took me.

That was delayed onset. Thank you.

That was like me absorbing the 49ers Falcons over.

Yeah, appreciate that.

That's fucking wild.

I know.

So Santa Claus, does he wear cutoffs for when he goes down to Australia?

Does he tear away his pants and he's like, yo, it's short Santa.

Yeah, he's got a tank top underneath and a Hawaiian shirt and he takes it off. He rides his surfboard.'s like yo it's short santa he has a uh yeah he's got a like a tank top underneath and a hawaiian shirt and he takes it off he rides his surfboard god damn that's cool uh all right here he is though joe heisman joe burrow he's got the heisman trophy literally sitting right in in way heavier by the way i almost threw my back out yeah the heisman trophy and the low man trophy were in the same room for the first time in history.
Fuck. It was cool.
So here he is, Joe Burrow. Awesome interview.
And we'll see everyone on Wednesday. Love you guys.
Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. I think if you're watching this, you see how special.
He's got the Heisman Trophy on the table. It is Heisman Trophy winner Joe Burrow, Louisiana State University.
Fresh off his Heisman, less than 24 hours. Biggest landslide in Heisman history.
Does that feel good? It does feel good. That feels good.
It does. That's pretty sick.
So you've done probably 700 interviews this past, like what, three days? Yeah. Are you completely sick of it? Yeah, I've got probably eight hours of sleep the last three nights.
Okay. And, yeah, absolutely sick of the interviews.
What's the most annoying question people keep asking you? Um, oh. I keep, I mean, after the speech last night, I've got, what does Coach O mean to you about a thousand times? And I love talking about him, but you can only say how much he means to you a couple times.
And we're probably the biggest Coach O guys out there. We love Coach O.
We've loved him ever since he – probably when he took over the interim spot at USC. We were rooting for him to get a big job, and we were all behind him.
So we know – we have a pretty good idea why you love Coach O so much. I'm going to switch it up on you.
you i'm gonna ask you about a coach maybe you haven't been asked about as much okay your offensive coordinator insminger yes so he is a football guy through and through more football guy than me or coach oh that nobody knows that's hard to know so last night he was so i was on the in the aisle and he was on the end of the row. And I look over, and he's got his big old dip in his lip, spitting into his empty water bottle at the Heisman Trophy ceremony.
Now, you don't know definitively that Coach O didn't have a worm in his mouth because he has done that before. So we'll say for right now he's a bigger football

guy than coach oh but we don't know 100 i guess i guess i guess you never know what the worm yeah right has he done the worm for you guys he has not have you heard that story i have not okay so he basically uh when i think he was what it was he was in school can you tell the story about the worm. Is that true? Yeah.

So what happened? I did it in the spring game

my senior year. Can you tell the story about the worm? Is that true? Yeah.

So what happened? I did it in the spring game my senior year.

It's kind of funny.

After the practice, we had a spring game the next day,

and I was looking for worms on the field.

My coach goes, my nickname is Baby.

He goes, Baby, what are you doing here?

I said, Coach, I'm looking for some worms.

He goes, and there were some worms on the field. He goes, okay.
Well, here's the big one here. He said, Baby, you doing here? I said, Coach, I'm looking for some worms.
He goes, and there were some worms on the field.

He goes, okay.

Well, here's the big one here.

He said, baby, you going fishing?

I said, no, Coach, I just got a little motivational speech

and we'll give the team.

So here's the deal.

So we had a big deal that night in the spring game.

It was my senior year.

I was the team captain, and I got up, and I said,

the story, there was two men fishing in ice holes in Alaska. And one was catching fish, and the other was one.
And he looks at the guy, he says, man, hey, how you catching all that fish? He said, man, I'm using worms. He goes, I'm using worms too.
He said, yeah, but I need to feed my family. He said, the only way I know how to feed my family is catch these fish and I got to do whatever it takes.

He said, I'm going to tell you my secret.

Those worms got to be real

warm before

you put them on the hook.

He said, I keep them in my mouth

to warm them up. Then I

put them on the hook.

I said, you know, just like that fisherman, do whatever

it takes for his family

to feed his family, I'll do whatever it takes to win. And I'll pull out that big old worm.
I had it in my mouth. That thing was crawling around in between my teeth, man.
I was so glad to get that worm out of my mouth, I promise you. But, you know, that was 23 years old.
That was a long time ago. It's the best.
So, all right, so you won. It's crazy, whirlwind.
My real question is how awkward has it been going around with Jalen and Chase and Justin, the other finalists, and them being like, well, it's yours, dude. So I actually haven't seen them after the Heisman Trophy ceremony itself.
They ushered me out of there, and I think all three of those guys left this morning and I had to stay right so i haven't seen them today but you know i i played with chase for a year so it was awesome to see him yeah but they i mean i would imagine going to all these events and and seeing everything and they're just along for the ride you're like actually i'm winning the yeah i mean jalen's dad came up to me he's like you know i told jalen we're gonna we're happy to be here and just stand up and clap for you to go up there and get the Heisman yes yes at what point during this year were you like this is gonna happen like this is an actual possibility that I'm gonna be winning the Heisman trophy I mean after the Texas game I kind of felt like we could do it every single game and you know we threw the ball so I mean we were technically in a four-minute drill and we threw the ball three straight times and scored a touchdown. And I think that was kind of our, you know, hey, country, we're here.
We're not LSU anymore. We're the new age LSU.
Right, right. So you made Coach O cry last night.
You cried too. Yeah.
I didn't think that would be possible to make Coach O cry, but he cried on national television. Your speech was unbelievable.
Were you shocked in your own self, like getting up there and being like being like damn i didn't think that this moment would be this overwhelming yeah because i knew i was i knew i was gonna win it right i walk i you know go hug all my family hug all the coaches and i get up there i'm like gosh yeah like this is happening and then you know you see all the guys behind you that you that you grew up watching and. And you're like, wow, I'm like really up here.
So it's just kind of overwhelming. Yeah.
And the laser lock that Coach O had on you. Beaming would be an understatement to say that he was beaming.
His eyes were – he wasn't crying. His eyes were sweating.
And it probably tasted like a delicious Cajun crawfish etouffee. It was probably acidic.
Could have probably melted his suit if it got on him. I'm kind of mad that you didn't wear the Letterman jacket here.
Do you realize when you wear the Letterman jacket and you have that little curl that comes down in front of your forehead that you are like every 80s bully from every movie in the 80s? Yeah, people were tweeting at me all weekend because I don't have a coat in Louisiana. I keep them all in Ohio.
I just had my Letterman jacket. I'm like, I guess I'll bring this thing to New York.
And then everyone started tweeting me. You look like you could be the quarterback of the high school team that just puts someone's head in the urinal or something.
Right, right, right. You do.
You look like the guy who's giving everyone swirlies, and then you go out there and throw for like 600 yards and beat a team 70 to nothing. You're like, whatever.
I'm going take home the you know the prom queen so i like that look i like that look the joe burrow badass 80s like you know bad boy style yeah i wanted to i wanted to get i want to get my neck big enough so i can wear one of those nba sweatbands around my neck like jim mcmahon oh yeah yes um what's a more meaningful trophy for you this one are the ohio got, that your dad made himself? That we made by ourselves because Mr. Football doesn't give out a trophy.
The fact that Mr. Football doesn't give out a trophy is unreal.
It's messed up. It is.
It is. Because I was like, I was hitting, I was like talking to the guy that was interviewing me.
I was like, hey, when do I get the trophy? He's like, oh, you don't get a trophy. I was like, what do you mean? And then he said, yeah, you just get the title.
I title i was like i don't want that that's a millennial move on your part it is a participation trophy just for winning the best football player in the state of ohio well it's a prestigious trophy because the winner before you the year before you right wasn't it mr it was two years before i was i think i've i think i finished third in the voting my sophomore year and he was was first, yeah. You finished third in sophomore year? Yeah.
Shit, that's awesome. Something like that.
That's insane. Now, when you – your dad worked for Ohio, and was he defensive coordinator? Yeah, defensive coordinator.
So when you were growing up watching football, were you like, I just expect there to be shitty football played on Tuesdays and Wednesday nights in front of, like, 50 people in Maction?action started like when I was like my eighth grade and freshman year. So I was fired up because I didn't have to do any homework on those nights.
I could just go to a football game and go home. And mom was like, do you have any homework? I'd be like, yeah.
And she's like, go to bed. You're fine.
That's amazing. So Maction meant a little something different to you.
Something special in my heart. Yeah.
The rest of of the adult world basically sweating out these random games on a Tuesday night in November. Lowered my GPA a couple of points.
That's hilarious. So you go from Ohio to Louisiana.
What state has the better cuisine? Because Ohio's got Skyline Chili. Oh, God.
He's a fan. There you go.
He hates it. I hate it.
Are you going to switch back? No, I like Skyline. Cincinnati's going to hate me.
I hate that stuff. It's not real chili.
It's just sauce. What do you mean Cincinnati's going to hate you? I mean, they've hated me for a while because I've had these takes since I first got to Ohio State.
And they're like, what do you mean? You're from Ohio? It doesn't matter. I hate it.
Okay, good, good. At least you have a brain then because yeah but so the thing about louisiana food is it's really good for about three months but they only know how to make one thing and it's they dip whatever they can find in a in a bucket of oil yeah fry it yeah it's just delicious where you can only eat it for a couple months before it gets really old right yeah you you there is a point where you're like, hey, maybe let's mix in a salad.
Yeah. Maybe a salad.
Maybe some pasta or like a steak. But they just dip it all in there.
So the story about Coach O recruiting you and the 15 pounds of crawfish, that was 100% true. 100% true.
So walk us through it. Tell it for people who might not know this story.
Yeah. So we have this place in Columbus that we used to go to and need some crawfish.
And i was talking to me he's like you ever had crawfish before yeah i had a couple of times and he's like do you like it i was like yeah i love it um so we go to this place called mike anderson's and we went there yeah yeah it's right right next to my house and i'm looking for the crawfish on the menu and there's there's no crawfish i was like oh i was I was looking forward to having some crawfish in crawfish country. Right.
And Coach O's like, you want some crawfish? I was like, oh, you know, it's all right. I was hoping to get some.
He's like, I got it. And he makes a call.
Like 20 minutes later, they bring in this bathtub of crawfish, bring it in the back. They boil it and bring it right back out.
Yeah, he's got crawfish guy. That's the least price.
I bet you Coach O's crawfish guy doesn't even have a stove. It's just a pager.
Yeah. And he only gets one call.
Yeah, one contact. Yeah.
He's like, oh, shit, Coach O wants it. He doesn't even have to say anything.
He just hits a button. Yeah.
He just pages him 911. He's like, all right, well, I've got to get the crawfish.
Here we go. Have you ever gone jogging at high noon with Coach O? I have not, but I've been driving out of workouts when I've seen Coach O, and he just gives a little fist bump when he sees me driving out of there.
He's becoming friends with the sun. Yep.
You've got to know it. You've got to love it.
Ray Baker, that's what he calls it. Ray Baker.
What's that? The sun. Oh, okay.
That's his name for the sun? Yeah, Ray Baker. Ray Baker.
That's awesome. That's so good.
We should make sunglasses. are just.
Ray Baker. What's that? The Sun.
That's the name for the Sun? Ray Baker. That's awesome.
That's so good. We should make sunglasses.
They're just called Ray Baker's. Ray Baker.
I like that. What did he tell you guys before the Alabama game? Because you guys hadn't beaten Alabama in forever.
Yeah. We went to the game last year.
Didn't score. Not that fun.
Not that fun at all. We cheered a lot before the game.
Yeah, it was really... you know, everyone was fired up before the game.
It was loud. But, you know, going into that game, I was like, I had a feeling that we were going to get our asses kicked.
Right. So how about this year, though, when you guys, you know, haven't, I think it was you guys hadn't scored a touchdown against Alabama in like seven or eight quarters, hadn't beaten them in a while.
What did he tell you guys in the locker room beforehand? Yeah, I mean, he said it stops here. He drew a line, a fake line with his foot and his finger, and he said this shit stops here.
And we felt like we were the better team. We kind of knew we were going to go in and take our business.
Yeah, that confidence is – that's what I was explaining it on Sunday, last week's podcast after watching you in the Georgia game, the SEC championship. There's something about your look and your demeanor on the field that makes you want to run through a brick wall.
It's like you have this confidence in your face. You did the walk-off touchdown against Georgia.
That was a cocky move. Yeah.
Where you just knew. You're like, I don't know.
Yeah. I mean, he was wide open.
I knew I got it to him, and I just started running off. So for people who didn't watch the game, Joe threw a touchdown pass, and while the ball was basically in the air, he turned and walked towards the sidebar and was like, that's a touchdown.
I'm good. That was pretty awesome.
Yeah. I'll do something before every game.
So the two teams have, you know, they do their team warm-ups, and each team is on, like, the 35 or something. And, you know, when we get done, I'll go and just stand at, like, the 48 so I don't cross their line and just stare at them.
And they have all their people that line up and try to hide it, and I'm just looking right through them. And they're just standing there staring me in the eyes, and I'm just beating my eyes through all of them.
And they're like, where did this bully from 1986 come from? I got a guy on the sideline with my Letterman jacket to come out and put it on me. I love that.
I love it. So a lot of people were saying that you got your swagger when you got hit in that bowl game, the game against UCF, and the dude kind of laid you out and you popped up afterwards.
Because it looked like it was a pretty bad hit. I actually thought that you were kind of a changed player after the Alabama game last year.

Yeah.

Like something clicked in you at that point.

Like for you, where was the moment where you're like, you know what,

I'm taking this next step forward and I feel good about where I'm at right now.

Like everything in the past is in the past.

Would you say it was after that loss against Alabama?

Yeah, so we played Rice the next game.

So we played Arkansas after Alabama and stunk it up.

We were terrible.

We beat them by like seven or something.

I remember that game because you guys— Thank you. The next game, so we played Arkansas after Alabama and stunk it up.
We were terrible. We beat them by like seven or something.

I remember that game because you guys. Because Nick Rossett stopped at the two-yard line,

and everyone was pissed because we didn't hit the over.

You guys kept on running plays with no time left.

Because that was Coach E.

He was like, screw this.

I want to score a touchdown, and Nick kept falling down.

They kept on.

It was weird, too.

They would fall down on first down, then they ran a real play on second down,

and then they'd fall down.

You guys were doing both things.

I remember vividly watching it.

I had Arkansas, so I was happy that he fell, but that was crazy.

Yeah, Coach E was not very happy in the locker room.

He was like, Nick, what are you doing?

I wanted to score a touchdown there.

It was crazy.

It was crazy, but keep going.

Yeah, and so then we played Rice after Arkansas,

and that was my first 300-yard game.

And then we played Texas A&M, the dreaded seven-overtime game. Yep, yep.
That was not that fun. No.
That was bullshit. Was it weird after you lost and Coach O was soaking wet from the Gatorade pass that he got in the third overtime? Oh, yeah, I didn't even know that had happened.
I would have stopped that immediately. Yes.
So I actually passed out in the locker room because I didn't really know what was going on. I was dehydrated.
That's great. You totally lost consciousness? I was super dizzy and lightheaded, and I had to chug a couple applesauce, like the go-go squeezes to get my blood sugar up.
That's nuts. So then I had a pretty good game there, and then it was really the bowl practice.
Because I got there in the summer. I didn't have a spring practice with them, and the bowl practice was kind of a spring ball for me.
Right. And so I got with my guys and kind of treated it like an offseason, and then I think that really helped us in the bowl game.
So the story about the day you signed and Billy Cannon, who was the only other LSU Tiger to win the Heisman Trophy, do you think, so for people who don't know, Billy Cannon won the Heisman Trophy 60 years ago. He passed away May 20th, 2018.
On that day, Joe Burrow signed officially to be the quarterback at LSU. That's some higher power shit.
Yeah, I mean, that's weird. All right, so I know people have asked you about it, but I'm going to flip it on you.
Will you now, when hopefully 75, 80 years from now, when you pass away, will you make sure that you pass away during signing period? On signing day? Yeah. Right.
You've got to make sure. If I'm on life support, I will make sure my family pulls the plug on signing day.
Okay, good. I was going to selfish and like pass away in the middle of august or something yeah fuck this whole thing i'll hold it out i'll hold it out till december like eli manning the fourth commits to play arch manning jr yeah exactly exactly okay good that's all i was when i saw that i was like i'm i know people have been asking this but i really want to, can he make sure to die on the correct time period? I got you.
The intangibles matter. I've been a fan of yours ever since I realized what a huge fan of Matthew Delevedova you were.
Oh, yeah, I got the Dele shirt on. You are rocking the Dele shirt.
And people thought I was just making that up about you, but you are probably a bigger Dele fan than I am. Yeah.
At what point did you realize, like, this is actually, he's actually better than LeBron James.

So I've been a Dele fan from the jump back in 2014 when they got him.

And then when Kyrie went down in the 2015 finals, everyone was going crazy.

I'm like, relax, all right?

Dele's got this.

We've got Dele is going to come in and wreak havoc.

Okay, we're good.

He shut Steph Curry down in that first game. And Everyone thinks it's a joke, but he's good.
Like, he is good. He's good-ish.
Come on. He's good-ish.
He's good, and he works really hard, and he hits you in the nuts when you want to see coming. So there's this – so our quarterback coach at Ohio State had us do, like – they're all about, like, elite us do like a presentation of elite people I did mine on Dele and there was a there was a quote from David Blatt that said like Dele's first camp he they were having like this little just pickup game and he picked up Kyrie full court the entire time and Kyrie's like what the what the hell is going on and Dele picked him up full court at like the rec center or something of course he did yeah that's what delhi does yeah um so did you have a moment last night when you won the heisman where you're like even if everything fails in life i can open up a bar in lsu and just put the heisman in there and just like just reap the benefits of it and and just sell like yeah crappy food for the rest of my life well theisman Trophy is one of those trophies where if you win it, that's you forever.
You have that no matter what. Anything else happens in your life, you're Heisman Trophy.
Have you had that moment yet where you're like, I'm good? I guess there we go. This is the moment right here.
Okay, you're good. Just open a restaurant called Burroughs EAUX and put the Heisman Trophy in there.
Sell hamburgers or something. Or a car dealership.
Yeah. Make a lot of money.
You're always Heisman Trophy winner Joe Burroughs. Yeah.
And so you have that forever. Yeah, it's crazy.
Okay. Yeah, I mean that is crazy to think like something, you know, are you 23? 23, yeah.
To have that and be like, that's it for life. Crazy.
Obviously, you're going to accomplish a lot more, but I would personally just stop trying after that. I'm good.
I'm good. NFL, no thanks.
I'm just going to be the Heisman Trophy winner. I could probably do it if I wanted to.
The EAUX on the back of your jersey when you wore that out for senior night. Did you watch the camera shot of it? These guys or one of you these guys do it oh he did so we

have the cameraman it was like a tracking shot from goodfellas yeah you should you should have

done you should have just had like 100 bills that you just handed to everybody on your way out there

but it was amazing watching it at you know the camera follows you out at death valley pans around

he does like a 360 and almost felt like we were there out on the field like getting to experience

that but for you you decided to put the eaux on your back right yeah that was your idea yeah why'd you want to do that you know i thought it was going to be a great moment for for lsu and louisiana because you know they had been doing it since i had first got there and i started out crappy like 45 or something and they kept doing it and you know i thought it was just a for me to pay tribute to the state yeah it is cool seeing uh and everything you've said about you know your love for louisiana and and the relationship you've had now with baton rouge and lsu you don't see that very often in college sports especially because guys don't stay around for as long you know in basketball you've only been there two years yeah and you and you feel like a native son now. It's crazy.
It's wild just driving down the roads, and they say, let's go Joe or let's go Burrow or Burrows or something on the little signs on the side of the road. So it's been crazy.
Yeah. I'm sure you still have friends on the Ohio State team.
Was it any hard feelings when you left Ohio State? No, there really wasn't. They understood why I left.
I broke my hand the camp before I left, and then me and Dwayne Haskins were battling it out for two years and ended up battling it out in that spring, and he ended up beating me out. They understood why I left, and there were no hard feelings at all.
Yeah. You're a big SpongeBob guy.
Big SpongeBob guy. We are huge SpongeBob guys.
My Twitter, what do you call that, the header? Yeah, it's Dirty Dan, the Dirty Dan episode. Remind us that episode because we're such huge fans.
We've watched all of the episodes so many times we forget sometimes. Remind us what happened in the Dirty Dan episode? Spongebob and Patrick were arguing about who was going to be Dirty Dan.
And then obviously Hibernating Sandy comes out. I'm Dirty Dan.
And picks him up and rips Patrick's head off. Now, we actually have watched Spongebob once i did enjoy it but we're a little too old for it but i loved the one time we did watch it and you're a cartoon fan like in general right yeah like every so is spongebob number one for you yeah for sure see i wish i was i wish i i wish i was younger i wish i could go back in time because i feel like i've just missed spongebob i missed the whole whole thing.
So you were a Tom and Jerry guy? No, we're like Simpsons. Tom and Jerry was a 1960s.
How old do you think we are, dude? I'm a Tom and Jerry guy. I'm younger than you guys.
I'm a Tom and Jerry guy. There they go.
You like the Muppets? Wile E. Coyote.
Simpsons guys. I'm a Simpsons guy.
Up and down. Simpsons family guy.
I got a pair of Simpsons, Bart Simpson cotton shorts. Okay.
Eat my shorts. Has it set in yet that you're going to be one of the either first or second pick in the NFL draft? Nope.
Because that happened fast. Yeah, that happened real fast.
Real fast. I was an undrafted guy last year.
It's incredible. So I'm going to keep you humble.
I actually read a scouting report from Jeremy Fowler.

He talked to scouts from ESPN.

One scout said he's not a particularly thick, stout guy,

and he doesn't have a huge arm.

Yeah, there it is.

I just gave Joe a little more.

Listen, Oklahoma, he's going to take that out on you,

what I just told him, because you're like,

hmm, okay, yeah, all right, a little chip on the shoulder.

But, yeah, people are still doubting you.

Yeah, I mean, they always do.

It's all good.

Do you think that you're not thick enough?

I mean, I think I'm all right.

Rate your thickness.

How many Cs?

Oh, how many Cs?

How many Cs, yeah.

Three Cs.

Three Cs.

No, that's not thick enough.

Josh Allen's 12 Cs.

Yeah, I saw your pants get pulled down in that one game. I would say two C's.
That's true. You need to eat more of that fried food.
That was your Heisman moment. I think I could have broken that tackle if I wanted to get completely pantsed and run naked around the field.
I actually thought that at the time. I was like, you're being modest.
You cared more about making sure that everything didn't take it off. Yeah, my manhood didn't grace itself on national television.
That was an all-time moment, though. If you had broken out of the tackle and then run for a first down.
Or like throwing a touchdown with my – Yes. That actually was where the state of Louisiana first showed that they had your back because there was a ton of complaints to the FCC.
Not that Joe Burrow's ass was shown on TV. They replayed it.
Yeah, that they replayed it and made you look like a fool. That was the complaint.
They were like, that's fucked up. That's our quarterback.
How did you do that? I think that was the moment. A verified Twitter crowd right there.
They need to apologize to that guy. Yes, yes.
The people of Louisiana, you can't embarrass LSU. Agreed, yeah.
Have you heard that you're older than Lamar Jackson? Yeah, he was in my recruiting class, yeah. Oh, speaking of recruiting, when you were deciding to transfer out of Ohio State, where else were you looking at besides LSU? It was really Cincinnati and North Carolina.
Okay. Back Brown, did he get injured? No, he was not there yet.
So you were trying to follow in the steps of Mitch Trubisky? Yeah. Mr.
Ohio, North Carolina. There you go.
That was honestly one of the reasons why. Okay.
Because he was from Ohio and was Mr. Football my sophomore year, and he played one year at North Carolina and left and was number two overall draft pick.
I'm like, hey, I want to go do that. Yeah.
Let's go do that. But then I talked to Coach O, and the rest is history.
Did you ever think after you met Coach O, was it kind of up in the air, or did you always know this feels like the right place for me? So I think at Cincinnati they had people that I was close with from Ohio State because Luke Fickle was the DC at Ohio State my first two years and I was really just went on a visit to LSU to be like you know I kind of want to win a national championship let's go see what this place is about and then I talked to Coach O and didn't talk to him for a week and he was wanting to keep recruiting me but I don't I'm not I don't like talking on the phone I don't like the recruiting stuff. And so Coach O would call Dan, my brother, every single night and try to recruit through Dan.
That's perfect. So we were at LSU when your recruiting was going on.
We were there, I think, the week that you were there. It was Grit Week.
Yes, yes. And we were like, they told us, like, hey, we think we might have this guy.
We're trying really hard. Like, come on, let's do it.
And then we saw the hold that tiger tweet. I think it was like two days after or whatever it was officially.
It was like, fuck yes, they got the guy. There it is.
The official quote that Coach O gave us about you was, he's a ball player. And he had the energy.
And that might be the best compliment Coach O could pay somebody. Yes.
We were just kind of like bullshitting with him after the interview, talking about recruiting, whatever. And then I think Derek mentioned there's this kid from Ohio State that Coach O was trying to get a quarterback.
And he just locked in on us. He goes, oh, he's a ball player.
He got really excited. I was like, he has so much faith in this guy.
I guess it goes two ways because, you know are you obviously share a connection with him yeah where you'll run through a brick wall for him but I think he actually has that same connection with you where you've become like such a big part of his life right now that he feels like you almost lead him at times too yeah I think coach oh likes me so much because he always he always tells me I would have been an all-american linebacker too and so I think I think he loves part of me. He likes the fact that you could also lay the wood on somebody if you had to.
Yeah. You mentioned Derek.
So our friend Derek Pomansky, who works for LSU, is like Coach O's right-hand guy. So he told me a story, and it's so perfect that it's worked out this way.
So when you were getting recruited by LSU, it was basically in May when they probably have a little downtime, And he was supposed to go on vacation. Yeah, it was Mother's Day weekend.
Yeah. I can't actually.
Yeah, he was supposed to go on vacation with his wife. And he was supposed to have time off for the first time in like six months.
And you decided to go to LSU to do the recruiting visit last second. So he had to cancel the plans and vacation with his wife.
And his wife said to him, he better fucking win a Heisman. And then we flash forward in two years.
There it is. Yep.
Boom. There's the Heisman.
On the table. I fucking love stories like that.
So you clearly, like, did you tell Derek, like, you're welcome, dude? Yeah, he told, I didn't hear the story until last night. I'm like, well, Derek, I'm glad I got you out of the dog of the doghouse you're welcome it took a while but the heisman literally got him out of the dog is that weird to you at all that you've accomplished a lot like you're sec champion you've got a heisman trophy sitting right in front of you right now and you're about to go on the toughest two game stretch potentially of your entire season yeah i mean that's what we've you know the heisman is nice, but this is what we wanted.
We wanted the national championship. This is what I've been working for for 15 years.
Yeah, it's weird because it kind of is almost a mid-season award when you get down to the games that really, really, really matter at the end. Yeah, I'm ready to get back to practice and stop doing all these interviews with all these people and just get back on the practice field.
You don't have to look at us in the eye. Do you have an exclusive story for us? Yeah, I do.
Okay. So at our old facility, you guys were there, and there's that big, long hallway.
You can just see all the way down. All the meeting rooms are right there.
And every once in a while, Coach O would walk down and just start singing, Hold that tiger.

And just sing that over and over again, all the way down and all the way back,

at least once a day, at least.

And everyone was just like, oh, here he comes.

We would all stop our film and just look around like, what is he doing?

What made him want to sing that?

He's a tiger that's just pacing.

That's how he growls, to let everybody know. One heartbeat.
I'm here. He gets everyone on the same page.
Everyone's listening to Coach O. Hold that tiger for one moment in the day.
What day of the week do you like the most? Tell the Truth Monday, Competition Tuesday, Turnover Wednesday, or No Repeat Thursday? I like No Repeat Thursday. Why? Because you just don't repeat it.
What's no repeat Thursday? So it's like the walkthrough before the game, get all the looks right. We have a little red zone walkthrough.
That's my favorite period of the week. I think we're the number one red zone team in the country, and that's not that period.
It's not a brag. That's a fact.
Yeah, and I love that period. That's my period of the week.
It's crazy how good your offense is right now. I was looking at some of your stats, and people were trying to find what's his weak point.
And I think you have your number one in completion percentage of passes shorter than five yards from five to ten yards and ten yards plus. It seems like you've got everything going right now.
I have to assume that you've heard from some old LSU wide receivers that have hit you up and been like, hey man, why weren't you born like 10 years earlier? Yeah. They usually say it to me when they're in person.
They don't usually text it to me. But the old guys that come to the sideline, they're like, hey man, I wish we were in this offense.
I would have had 3,000 yards receiving. That's a great thing because Odell Beckham can literally say whatever number that he wants.
He'd be like, if I played one season with Joe Burrow in this offense, I'd put up 10,100 yards receiving easy. No problem.
Yeah, and taking out three kicking nets. Yes.
You can't fact check him on that. All right, my last question, Seeky question, promo code TAKE.
You get $10 off. Promo code TAKE.
Go see LSU play Oklahoma in Atlanta. Promo code TAKE.
Okay, so the college playoffs are coming up. Then you obviously have the combine and the draft.
I wish we had our bench press set up because we'd have you just do that part right now. Do you want us to create a draft Joe Burrow website like we did for josh allen and if we do how much of your signing bonus do we get hmm good question i think it would i think i think it has to retire with the draft josh allen because there's been two of them okay so you'll just give us part of your signing bonus just for being guys yeah you got it okay As assistants.
Yes. I like that.
General Joe Burrow fans, we will get a portion of the proceeds. Like .01%.
Oh, exactly. You just made a mistake.
You just fucked up. Joe has not looked at how much money he's going to be making.
Are you going to bench at the combine? I don't think quarterbacks do that.

Brady Quinn.

Brady Quinn.

He ruined it.

He ruined it for everyone.

I think he did like 24 or something.

He told us the story, and it just basically was he was just a meathead.

Somebody was like, you won't bench.

He was like, yeah, I will.

You won't bench?

You won't bench?

Fuck.

All right, cool.

It's good to have you here.

Congratulations on everything.

What are you going to run in 40? I'm hoping to hit 4.6. Okay.
Yeah. That would be blazing for me.
That would be fast. Okay.
And we're going to be, you know, we won't get ahead of ourselves. We might make a website anyways.
We don't want to do bulletin board material, but we will be at the national championship. It's going to take place no matter what happens in the semifinal.
That's going to be crazy in New Orleans. It will.
Especially, I mean, a lot of Oklahoma fans in New Orleans. We don't want to give them bulletin board material.
Don't give them bulletin board material. Remember, your arm's not thick enough.
You're right. Yeah.
You're right. And you're not thick.
Not thick enough. Three C's, not five.
Yeah. But if LSU happens to win, we will be there.
And we'll probably be, I don't know, do you think we'll be in your family's suite? Do you think we'll be? Who do you think I am? We don't have a suite. Well, I'm sure you'll have a suite.
And still a student athlete. Okay.
Oh, that's right. Yeah, that's true.
That was a good save the other week when you were talking about how you didn't see anybody on campus. Because I don't go to class? Oh, because, yeah, because I don't go to class because they're all online.
Yeah, so I started talking about that. And I said, you know, obviously I don't go to class because because it was all local media and they all knew i had online class and i was like you know this might blow up if if it gets picked up so i'm just gonna say because i have online classes yes you didn't go to lsu to play school yeah do you have do you have your new phone now i do yeah okay good yeah all right i didn't i i couldn't receive phone calls for about a week and a half and that's actually awesome yeah it was awesome and i just say that you still and my mom was like do you want to get you a new one i was like you know i don't i i like not talking on the phone to people so i'm i'm good for a couple weeks yes yes all right well joe thank you this is your last interview is this your last interview this is the last one yeah thank.
You made it. You survived it.
You did it.

And congrats on the Heisman.

This has been awesome.

And go Tigers.

Go Tigers.

Go Tigers.

Go Tigers.

Go Tigers! Go Tigers! Go Tigers! Go Tigers! Go Tigers! Go Tigers! Go Tigers! Go Tigers! Go Tigers! Go Tigers! Go Tigers! Go Tigers! Go Tigers! Go Tigers! Go Tiger. Go Tiger.
Go Tiger. Go Tiger.
Go Tiger. Go Tiger.
Go Tiger. What? Fuck you.
Yeah. Go Tiger.
Go Tiger. Go Tiger.
Go Tiger. Down in the wire.
Go Tiger. Go Tiger.
Go Tiger. Got it in the box.
you Hold that.

Hold that. Hold that.

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