Blake Bortles, Eli’s Last Game + Patriots SpyGate 2

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On today's Pardon My Take, Eli Manning's swan song. We recap Monday Night Football.
We talk Patriots filming the Bengals. We have Hot Seat Cool Throne.
And one of our favorite guests of all time, Blake Bortles is back wikipedia club is back it is all brought to you by the hey it's ria from tricks in the office it's officially mini skort season and abercrombie has the ones to go out in their scarlet mini is a classic it's one of those skirts that fits the outfit vibe for any plans and i'm excited to style their new sienna skort it's a little more flirty and it's perfect for date night make plans to go out in abercrombie shop their newest arrivals in store and online okay let's go Bye. Bye.

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Use code BARSTOOL for $10 off, and use code BARSTOOL for ten dollars to the aspca help some animals today is wednesday december 11th eli i miss you eli that was such an eli game it was uh it was as close to having your funeral while you're still alive as you could get for eli because he had his wife there he had He had Peyton there. Who doesn't go to Philly, by the way.
His wife pulled a Marlins man and said, that's the one place I will not travel is Philadelphia. And she said, you know what? For my sweet darling Eli's last game, I will be there.
So Eli got to see all of his family, got to see how much we love him, how much we're going to miss him. And so now they just have to put him down like old yellow, right? Yeah, and in the first half, whatever shot they gave Eli before the game, whatever HGH shot Peyton put in his ass before the game, it worked.
His wife put in Eli's ass. Well, Peyton's wife.
Peyton's wife, yeah, put in Eli's ass. He was good in the first half, and everyone was like, oh, my God, Eli, two touchdowns, 170 yards, and then it was back to self-sack Eli, and there was one where it actually looked like he was playing one-hand touch in the backyard for like a turkey bowl where it's like you have various, you know, you have like a 50-year-old playing and a 6-year-old playing.
It's like, let's play one-hand touch, everyone take it slow. He had one of those self-sacks.
He had, yeah, where he dove off one foot. Yeah.
To me, that looked like, that was the first time that I've ever really seen Eli in a game where when he falls down, when he gets tackled, it's like when you're watching your 55-year-old uncle fall down. Everyone's like, oh my God, is he okay? That looked really bad.
Yeah. Oh, that's a hip.
Yeah, that's a hip. He's going to be out for the rest of the evening.
Eli, he played well. I actually thought he had some zip on the ball in the second half, too.
His receiver dropped that slant on the game-winning drive. Now, what sucks is now Eli's 116 and 117.
So you've got to play him again, right? 124 and 121 if you count the playoffs. Okay, yeah.
You've got to play him again, though. You have to play him again.
You've got to give him a shot to get back to 117-117. It was nice to see him out there.
The other side of the story, unless they have anything else about our sweet boy? No, I was just excited to see him. I was excited for the shots up in the suite.
And you are right. You called that flea flicker.
Yep, nailed it right off the bat. Booger had not his best game.
That was that clip where he was explaining how the flea flicker was a bad call because the defense will stay back on third and long and as he's saying it he's every single defensive back bit as hard as possible on it what that was and he booger actually had to stop talking because he's like oh shit i think what we're watching is totally different what i what I'm saying. In that circumstance, Booger was right, but he was also wrong.
So he was right because for a normal quarterback, you wouldn't bite on that running play. For Pat Shermer coaching Eli Manning, you're like, yeah, he's probably going to hand the ball off.
If that's Freddy Kitchens and it's fourth and long, you will bite on a play-action fake. The good news for Booger is after that mistake, he did have the clip where he said, this guy's probably thinking, how did he come inside me? So that kind of supplanted the other one.
Twice. Twice? Yeah.
Double cream pie. Just try to figure that out, Boog.
We're rooting for you, man. It was a good way to get the discussion moving on to the next topic.
There are two ways you can do that. One, unintentionally say this guy just came inside this other guy.
Twice. Yeah.
The other way would be to just draw an accidental telestrator penis. Or fart.
Or fart. I don't think that we've had a telestrator penis this year.
Yeah. I think guys are probably wise to it.
They know not to make that mistake. Yeah.
When it's like the John Maddens, he's never had a lesson in telestrating.

He just goes on the flow. But now people, the up-and-comers, probably get trained in how to not telestrate phallic objects.
I think also the people that are on the telestrator right now grew up in a world where everything kind of looks like a dick on the telestrator. It's like a Rorschach test, the inkblot thing, where you see what you want to see.
And after coming up the last 25 years, I'd say,

of Telestrators being on these primetime games,

people who are in the booth now have been trained to look for other guys

to Telestrator penises.

Correct.

So you were saying the other side of the ball, the Eagles,

the season from hell for them.

Lane Johnson goes down.

Alshon Jeffrey goes down.

They somehow win.

And this is the NFC East is just a test in our strength of how much we love football because that game started last night and I was very excited for Eli Manning once we got about seven minutes into the first quarter I like wait this game is fucking terrible the Eagles are bad the beast the NFC beast the Giants are really bad that's the narrative that needs to be put out there it's the beast is back they just beat up on each other and so they're worn out by the time they play outside the division just four really good teams uh it was tough watching the eagles their wide receiver situation got down to the point where it was like josh mccown was going to come in and play wide receiver and and uh reggie wayne even said that he was a drunk at a bar right now and he could make the Eagles team. And I was like, yes, actually, 100% you could.
I'm surprised that Chad Ochocinco hasn't gone and tried out. There were two big misses.
Chad Ochocinco didn't jump on this moment, and Fred X didn't chime in either. Fred X.
Freddie Mitchell, you can usually count on Freddie Mitchell to insert himself into whatever Eagles wide receiver narrative is going on right now. I checked his Twitter.
He hasn't tweeted in five days. Oh, no.
And Freddie is a guy that will show up around Philadelphia all the time. Someone check on Fred X.
We need like the Otis Nixon ABP from last year. Let me know that Fred X is still alive.
T.O. too.
T.O., where are you at, man? Like, I feel like T.O. still thinks he can get out there and play.
So it's a bad situation for the Eagles. I still would probably take them to win the division because they have a home game against the Cowboys, and they play the Redskins and they play the Giants.
So it's the Cowboys sandwiched in between two of those games. Now you're saying to yourself, they just barely beat the Giants, and they just lost to the Dolphins.
So there is no sure win for the Eagles. But if you had to to ask me right now to put money on it I think I'd still take the Eagles as bad as they've looked now can the Eagles make it at six and ten or is it only the Cowboys uh the Eagles no because I think the Eagles would have to win they have to beat the Cowboys okay they have to beat the Cowboys so they would have to then get their seventh win but we could still get potentially the Cowboys in six and ten yeah that's what I'm'm hoping for.
That's what I want. And I want the Cowboys to win a home playoff game.
No, because the Cowboys would have to win that game too. I think someone's going to have to get seven wins.
I'm going to consult the playoff machine. This is another thing where we've wasted so much time on the NFC East.
Not saying it's a bad thing. It's just they've trapped us.
We are trapped in the quagmire of the NFC East, thinking about it, watching it, talking about it. They've done it to us.
it's just they've trapped us we are we are trapped in the quagmire of the nfc east thinking about it watching it talking about it they've done it to us it's uh it's the aristocrats it is interesting though it's an interesting situation that they found themselves in yeah and yeah all the teams suck everybody sucks in that division did you hear your guy uh the new greenie rule that he threw out there maybe the the only time greenies had a? Be careful, Chef. Okay, so he said, sorry, outside of the time he said that he eats his grapes with a fork.
That also makes sense because you don't want to squish them and what if there's a spider in them? You don't know anything about Greeny doesn't eat his fork. He doesn't eat his grapes with a fork and knife.
He eats his grapes in three bites. Got it.
So he bites one half and then he eats the flesh out of the skin. the beta rules get confusing and then the chaser is the skin of the grape yeah they get confusing so greeny said that the uh they not reseed but home field advantage should be by best record yeah so the cowboys or the eagles whoever wins the nfce should not get a home playoff game I actually disagree.
It makes perfect sense, but why would you take away the stupid... There are some rules that are out there that make no logical sense that I like that they make no sense.
Do you know what I mean? I like the fact that the Eagles could win the division at 7-9 and host a playoff game simply because we get to sit here and say, that's not fair, it gives us fodder. It does give us something to talk about.
So Greeny's trying to take away the inequalities in the world when sometimes the inequalities is what gets us through shows. Now, didn't the Eagles play a playoff game against a 7-9 team at some point? I feel like maybe the Saints a couple years ago.
The Saints did with the Beastquake. That was in Seattle.
That was in Seattle, but that was seattle i don't know who the panthers went seven yeah i don't know who the panthers did when they went seven eight and one and ron rivera and it's still so funny ron rivera got in front of everyone and said i want back to back to back division titles just forgetting the fact that the third the middle one was seven eight and one yep where it was a comedy of errors to win that division. But I like that it makes no sense.
I like that if you win your division, you get a home playoff game, even if you're a terrible team. It just seems like one of those rules I don't want changed.
And you can tell me the opposite, and all the facts and logic stack up against me, but I'll just put up my hand and say, you know what? Sometimes life isn't fair. I kind of like it this way.
I agree with the fact that it's more fair. It's more interesting.
Not more interesting. It's more fair to give the home playoff games to the teams from the NFC West that are going to just be obviously able to pummel any team from the NFC East.
But if there's a home game and the Cowboys win or the Eagles win, Now I could see the Eagles getting hot. They're always, to me, the Eagles are all, I know they suck.
I know they suck. And I'm falling into the trap of what they've done the last two years.
I agree with you. But I could see them just like going on a run right now.
We do this all the time with teams because our brains can't adapt to change. And when a team does well, when a team wins a championship, we talk about it all the time with college football, when a team changes their style of play, it's hard for us to adjust in the moment.
So I'm watching that Eagles game last night, and I'm thinking the same thing, where the Super Bowl Eagles are going to come out at some point. It's the same guys.
It has to. They are eventually going to – everything's going to click, and they're going to flip the switch, and they're going to be great again.
I also love Eagles fans just totally going in on fire Doug, fire Howie, fire Wintz, fire everyone. Fire everyone.
In the third quarter, they were like, get Doug's ass out of Philadelphia. Grace period, not so much.
This guy cannot get it done. And it's like, no, Doug's probably going to stick around for a while.
But then by the end of the game, they won. Now Eagles fans are happy again.
I love Eagles fans. He's a statue.
Doesn't Doug have a statue? Isn't it Foles and Doug Peterson? It's just his visor dipped in bronze. No, I think it is.
Isn't it the two of them calling Philly Philly? I'm pretty sure that's what the statue is. There's a Foles statue of it already? I know Foles has a statue.
I just don't know if it's Doug Peterson and Foles standing outside.

I'm pretty sure it is.

I don't think the state of Pennsylvania could stand taking down two statues of a head coach.

No.

No.

Joe Paz's record should still count.

409.

Not.

Yes, it is.

It's Doug Peterson and Nick Foles. They got a statue.

A statue outside the stadium.

That's forever.

Yeah.

Tell you what.

Why don't you bring Foles back?

I mean, you'll have that chance. You will have that chance.
I think a lot of Eagles fans would be into that, actually. Yeah, absolutely.
Okay, so the other big news from the NFL, the Patriots have caught themselves in a little situation again. Now, for anyone who's living under a rock, it essentially goes like this.
The Patriots have a documentary piece that they do. It's called Do Your Job.
It gets inside everyone's job inside the patriots have a documentary piece that they do it's called do your job it's uh gets into inside everyone's job inside the patriots facility so it will be the equipment manager the tape guy and apparently they had a episode where it was about a scout and advanced scouting so they had a interview in cleveland for the bangles brownowns game. And how the story goes is that they did the video for the Do Your Job, and then apparently the videographer stayed there taping the Bengals' sideline.
Independent contractor. Independent contractor.
Videographer, mind you. And then someone from the Bengals watched as he just taped the sideline for the whole first quarter.
Then when he was asked what was going on, he said, I would like to just – can we just delete the footage and forget this happened? Maybe my friend Mr. Washington or Mr.
Lincoln will change your mind. He slips him a nice finski.
Go our separate ways. I'm just – I'm shocked that they did it to the Bengals.
Yes. That's weird.
Okay. Now, that tells me if you're taping the Bengals, you're probably taping everyone.
Well, all right. So, Hank, do you want to defend or do you want me to throw out the theory that our good friend Adam Ferron had earlier in the day, which I think is spot on? Which would you like first? Theory first.
Okay. So, Roan, who everyone knows is Angelo Palantone on this show, had this theory, and I think it's spot spot on he says that the patriots do best when it is the patriots versus the world of course and this entire setup the fact that it was so blatantly obvious the fact that they're videotaping something that you can't even videotape because it's radio calls he thinks that this was specifically ordered by bill belichick to have it become a controversy so then he can then reverse it and use it as a rallying cry that's what i said the patriots problem yes i i the theory is that belichick wants people mad at him i love and he's sick he's sick of uh people saying that you know this is the worst team that he's had well the offense can't get it done, taping the Bengals would either be the dumbest thing that he's ever done or the smartest thing that he's ever done if he's trying to get some bulletin board material.
But I don't even think they were doing it. I don't think they were doing anything wrong.
I think they were doing it just to get some motivation in the end of the season in December and get maybe the narrative off of Tom Brady in the offensive line and the wide receivers Hank your thoughts my other thoughts are clearly in the statement they stated that it was an independent contractor so it wasn't like a team employee and as you know when you get hired as an independent contractor and you know you're done filming but you're in the press box you want to look busy like everyone no one wants to be the guy that's like what is that guy doing he's just sitting with his thumb up his ass we paid him he's doing it for what he is filming stuff just to be like oh what is that guy doing? He's just sitting with his thumb up his ass. We paid him this money for what?

He's doing it for fun.

He is filming stuff just to be like, oh, what is that guy doing?

Oh, I'm filming.

I'm doing my job.

He's doing your job.

For his own private reel.

Well, yes.

So he can show it later.

Right.

And he wanted to look busy.

He didn't want to look like he was doing nothing.

And he didn't realize the consequence of his actions.

I like that because it's like Belichick has now discovered that by using

independent contractors,

he can get away with anything.

It's like Uber,

but for cheating,

which is quite an innovation.

Yeah.

You get it.

He's technically not employees,

so I can't be responsible if he gets drunk and run somebody over.

That's,

you know what?

That's actually brilliant.

It'd be brilliant if,

if this is the links that the Patriots and Ernie Adams were,

were willing to go to. Well, I I'm, I'm going to sit here right now as a member of the media air quotes not really uh i will not engage i will not give the fodder because that's what he's looking for i feel like that's what he's looking for people to go on get up and for to go on first take and be like the patriots are cheaters the patriots are cheaters don't fall into that trap just say who cares now do you think that uh this was planned out specifically for the bangles because they have a rookie head coach no that would take the bait no it's even better it's deeper than that it's planned out for the bangles because the bangles are so bad a lot of people are saying why would you even have to tape the bangles and that's point.
If this was like the Ravens they were taping,

then you would have to actually, like media members,

would actually have to get themselves up in a lather and cry foul.

I would also say that maybe this is a case of the videographer just being a pervert,

just like trying to get upskirt shots,

doing zoom-ins on the coach's asses on the sidelines.

I think it's time that we have a conversation about cameramen respecting boundaries when they're not on the clock he technically wasn't on the clock right hank because he had he was finished with his interview that he did at the advanced scout yeah well he had to film and get b-roll and stuff yeah you never you never want to yeah you never want to you know especially if you're an independent contractor that's where it's like you know if if it's something to shoot with you guys i I need to do. I know what I need to get.
I have all that institutional knowledge. You do your job.
When we hire outside contractors, they get extra stuff. They get extra bureau because they don't necessarily know exactly what we need in the edit.
So they're just making sure that they get more than enough so that they do their job well because they probably, you know, it's the Patriots. They want to do good for them.
So this is a double whammy for you because as a Patriots fan, you're like, the Patriots didn't cheat. And as a member of the video community, you're like, hey, this guy is being unfairly criticized.
I would like to see this footage as well, just to see any good rap focuses. For the B-roll.
Yeah, for B-roll. Exactly.
Interesting. So this actually is a dilemma for Roger Goodell right now because Goodell wishes that he did not have a copy of this tape.
Goodell wishes. Does he have it? Well, no, he has it.
Yeah, he has a copy. I thought they deleted it.
No, no. The crew immediately turned over all footage of the league and cooperated fully.
Don't start those narratives. So Goodell has it, and the Bengals have a copy too.
So Goodell is in a bad, bad situation here because he would like to just forget all this and pretend that it didn't happen. But if he doesn't punish the Patriots, the first thing the Bengals are going to do,

they're going to release that tape and then Goodell is going to look bad.

So this is a no-win situation for him. What I still don't fundamentally understand here is that it's not like they're calling

in plays from the sideline.

It's radio.

There are signals, though.

But the plays are still coming from the radio.

The plays are coming in, but you can figure out what different adjustments that they made.

But they don't make signals that way that they do like in college. It's a little different.
There's still hand signals, I'm told. So this is – Got it.
I don't know. It's weird, man.
This is exactly what this time of year needed right now. This actually – Put some pep in my step.
It's championship DVD. It's the same thing as the Dolphins last year.
It's like the flake gate you need – It is true that it helps bring all the Patriots together, whereas everyone's coming at us. They call us cheaters.
We need to go out and prove how good we are, and then we don't need any tape or any of that bullshit. Maybe on top of all these theories, maybe was actually brady who ordered this just so that mike florio would stop writing tom brady's going to be the next raiders head uh quarterback or tom brady to the chargers so basically i haven't seen any of those headlines in the last two days cool off florio yeah florio's hot takes were too hot yeah get him on get him on the legalities of taping people from the press box or maybe it was brady that was doing this to frame Belichick so that Belichick would get fired because Brady and Belichick are sick of competing for who gets all the credit.
Back to Seth Wickersham. Yeah, yeah.
Brady's sick of Belichick in all his winning ways. It's never a dull moment.
That's all you got to say, though. Isn't it hypocritical that ESPN is publicizing these reports when they videotape coaches on the sidelines all the time? During a game, half the shots are of the different coordinators being held back or doing signals.
And wait, isn't there also a bunch of guys who worked at ESPN who then went back to the coaching ranks? Wouldn't John Gruden have all the access to the tapes that ESPN taped on Monday Night Football through the years? Didn't change his login when he quit? No, it's still Boobs69. No, John Gruden definitely doesn't know how to use a computer.
It's still Hooters. Pass 123.
John Gruden, his technology experience is just like he knows how to use the coach's clicker that's connected to an old school actual projector. Yeah, John Gruden definitely does like password, like forgot your password.
And then it says sent an email to, and it's like John 69 at hotmail.com. He's like, fuck, I don't know what that, I don't even have access to that.
Gruden definitely emails memes to like 20 people instead of retweeting. No, not emails.
Forward's the emailed mean forward, forward, forward. He's a forward guy.
Yeah. All right, so that's that.
I think it's all pretty much nothing. I don't know.
I can't get myself worked up about this because it just doesn't feel. I went through the deflate gate stuff.
I fought with Dave endlessly for about 100 rundowns straight. I was like, this is just not something.
Until we see the tapes, I don't think that there's anything else that we can say about it right now. You need to see those tapes.
Also, Patriots fans should just take it upon themselves. If you're going to a game and the Patriots are going to play that team next week, just bring your own phone, record the sideline, record the sideline, and then send it to Belichick and Ernie Adams.
I'm sure they have, what is it, Signal or whatever secure messaging system that reporters use? Telegram. Telegram.
Yeah. Onion.
Tour architecture. Slack.
Get in the slack. If you want to watch us, by the way, we're on part of my take.
Sorry, BarstowGold.com slash PMT. BarstowGold.com slash PMT.
Let's do our hot seat Cool Thrones. Hank, why don't you start? One of my hot seats, you can see this if you're watching Barstool Gold, is me.
So we got the bench press in. I was building it yesterday, and I was calling you.
I. You got the bench press.
Me got the bench press. I got the bench press.
Not me got the bench press. We.
I said we. Oh.
Maybe. Me and Spider.
Spider and I. Us.
It's hard to put together, and I was calling the guy, Mobile, that sent us the bench press. They didn't send any instructions, and the guy who was my contact there has not been returning any calls.
So it's like half set up, and unless this guy calls me back, I don't know that we're going to get it set up. I kind of like it not being set up.
It's like we have the bench press. We have the.
And then people are like, why do you have a bench press? Yeah, it's not set set up and unless this guy calls me back i don't know that we're gonna get set up i kind of like it not being set up it's like we have the bench press and then people are like why do you have a bench press yeah it's not set up don't worry about it yeah uh that was one of my hot seats my other one we just do it until we get a guest who's a handyman and be like hey first question do you know how to set up a bench press if we just yeah trap rusillo in the studio and lock him in here within 15 minutes we'll be set up absolutely Absolutely. My other hot seat is Phil Rivers.
He's apparently not a humble guy whatsoever. So there was that mic'd up clip.
We all saw it. We'll put the audio here.
90 yard touchdown! 90 yard touchdown! Hey, you see I'm talking? You see I ain't talking, right? Stay humble, bro. Stay humble.
Stay humble, bro. I can be excited.
Yeah, but don't do that by my ear. Don't do it by my ear.
I will do it by my ear. No, no, no.
That's what I do. That's what I do.
I'll highlight you after the game. 17, just keep talking.
One of the funnier mic'd up clips of all time. All time.
The guy was heated. Like, stay humble.
Even the ref that was like, get the fuck out of here. That was surprising, I thought.
The ref would just, like, shoot him away. I thought the ref was saying, get that shit out of here.
Yeah. Because he was yelling in Gawkway's ear.
He was just, 90-yard touchdown. Woo! 90-yard touchdown.
And then Phil's like, yeah, I'll yell it. I can.
The guy's like, stay humble. He's like, no, fuck you.
I'm going to yell it. Not fuck you, but freak you.
Listen, it was his birthday. It was his birthday.
It's not, Phil Rivers doesn't have many games like this where he doesn't throw any interceptions and actually looks good. I love this.
Phil Rivers, you can tell, too, because the fact that he was tattled on. When someone gets tattled on like that, you know that they're really annoying.
You know, because it's like I can't do anything. He's so annoying.
Phil Rivers is such an annoying winner. I have to tattle.
Yeah, so what happened was he was telling the people on the sidelines he won't stop talking trash because Phil Rivers was like, I'm not going to stop yelling it in your ear. That's what I do.
That's what I do. Such a great clip.
All of the Phil Rivers mic'd up. It's so frustrating to have a guy just talking shit to your face when he's not cussing.
Right. You just want him to get meaner.
You need a reason to punch him in the face, but if he's just using words, he brings you to tattle. It's so confusing because he's looking aggressive, and you know he's putting you down, but he's not actually saying anything mean to you.
Like a golden retriever trying to bite your leg. What do I do? You're too cute.
I can't do anything with this. But yeah, Phillip Rivers was so great in that clip.
And the fact that they had him miked up after the play was over, that makes me think back to Mason Rudolph when they told us, oh, sorry, NFL Films, we turned the mics off after the plays so we don't have any of the audio from after the whistle blew. Although it was a 90-yard touchdown, so maybe that was still technically he was still running? But even no, even when they were going off the field, touchdown if he was still.
Well, no, I mean, he knows where he is on the field and he probably know it like can see that he's like got 20 yards left. But yeah, but he was going off the field.
Keenan Allen was doing pirouettes and then they had N'Gakwe on the sidelines. Damn.
Talking about. Damn.
Interesting, you know. All right.
Cool throne. This league.
Paul George was back in Indiana last night and they were booing him. And then after the game, they're like, oh, why? You know, does it affect you? Wait, why are they booing Paul George? Yeah, I know, but they still got Old Depot from that.
Right. And so Paul George in his interview was like, well, actually, one day I'm going to tell my side of the story, and the person you're really booing is still here, talking about the management, the GM stuff.
He didn't say what it was, and he didn't give any details whatsoever, but he was like, oh, actually, you don't want to be booing me, Pacers fans. You want to be booing your management.
I want to say something, but I'm not going to say it. Right.
The worst argument ever. That's what you usually say when you have nothing.
Or you have something super, super mean that's just going to ruin everyone's day. I don't know.
I feel like that's the last thing that you can say when you're totally beaten in an argument. It's like, well, I have something that could utterly destroy your argument, but I'm too nice, so I'm not going to say it.
Yeah. Okay.
And my other cool throw-in was just fantasy playoff bad beats. I've seen a lot of them the past few days.
It's that time of year. Damn.
It all comes crumbling down. I was starting Josh McCown at wide receiver.
Thoughts and prayers. I just need two yards.
Thoughts and prayers. By the way, we got the answer to the Dolphins kicker.
Sanders is his name. Did he ruin anyone's fantasy league? There was one guy, but he stressed that the league he is in is AFC East plus Raiders only.
What the fuck? Yep. Is this him and three other friends? The most specific rules you could ever imagine for fantasy football.
It's a four-person league. Oh, because you need a fifth team for buys.
Yeah, and he won it. And he won it because of Sanders.
So there's your answer. Yeah, that makes sense.
All right, PFT, what do you got? My hot seat is Sean Payton's butcher. So Sean Payton went to the grocery store, and his butcher was giving him shit about going for two in the game.
So he's like, Sean Payton was like, I told my butcher, you worry about running out of meat, I'll worry about coaching the football team. Classic.
Classic, yeah, but the butcher obviously doesn't understand math. He doesn't know that if you go for two the first time, you actually increase your chances of winning.
This is like stuff that we learned a long time ago. Yeah, and always.
Last either you're a math guy or not it's really that simple yeah i'm big it gives you a higher probability to win so he said stick to groceries uh that's mean wait that's what he said yeah no i know that's mean though like i think a butcher like groceries is very a butcher is very important like you know that's a that's a high level guy he's got a he's got to cut the neck of the of the pigs and everything well it's yeah it's definitely a cut down he's not your normal he's not bagging groceries yeah i know but he's killing animals much more noble yeah it's like okay yes you know what saints fans should be one to talk because they were the ones that were putting paper or plastic bags over their faces for years and years and years there. My cool throne is Le'Veon Bell.

He didn't play on Sunday. Turns out that he was bowling, which is just a cool thing to do.
He had the flu, but he wasn't sick enough to not go bowling, which you don't really need to be held. Well, I just thought about this.
If you're bowling with the flu, your fingers are going in all those balls. You're probably passing your germs around a little bit yep um so maybe sam donald's going to come down with the flu after he makes out with another six uh it was a bad optic is what adam gaze said so not bad visual he said it's just a bad optic i've had i've had a word with levy on we've straightened it out but uh he had a great time on sunday with bowling yeah always fun.
Bowling is one of those underrated fun things that you just don't do enough. And then when you do it, you're like, hey, that was fun.
We should do that again. Imagine how long it takes Le'Veon Bell to get up to the line to bowl his bowling bowl.
It takes nine steps. Bowling is the anti-golf.
Where you leave, you're like, that was a lot of fun. I want to do that again.
Yeah. Golf is the opposite.
It's indoor golf that's easier for everybody. Right.
And you just have a good time. All right.
My hot seat is, I forgot to mention this on Monday, it's Jim Nance's tie. Because, I don't know if you guys saw this clip, but Gus Johnson gave his play-by-play sheet to J.K.
Dobbins after the Big Ten Championship game. Signed.
I did not know that. up to him like unsolicited and say hey he was like hey young fella i want to give you this you can frame it he showed it to him and it was very awkward because jk dobbins while appreciative walked off like okay that's something so jim nance your tie is now on the hot seat gus johnson has given away these play sheets.
Jim Nance, step it up. Give away your underwear.
Yeah, I mean, that's... Strip naked.
Give away the picture in your wallet of the burnt toast. No, come on.
You don't want to do that. He probably has a bunch of those.
No, he's got one. And he's had it for 30 years.
If he had a business card and it was just burnt toast... If Jim Nance ever lost that toast thing, he'd have to have probably five conversations with different assistants trying to get them to print out the exact same picture.
He's like, that's a different magazine that you're using right now. He'd have his assistant in the kitchen burning toast to various levels.
To take pictures. To try to take pictures of it.
Listen, this was from the June 1979 Reader's Digest. I need a copy of that.
Yes. But yeah, so is J..K.
Dobbins, is he a senior? He's a junior. But he's going to go to the pro.
So he's like, you know, next time I see you, he'll be on Sundays. Yeah, I just wish it was a true senior that he gave it to.
It would have been nice. All right, my other hot seat is Tom Ricketts, Cubs owner, because he's poor.
So he missed the budget for Wrigley expansion by 100 he said so just just hate it when these guys who have billions of dollars or hundreds of millions of dollars when time comes to pay their really expensive players what they're worth don't have the money it's crazy how that always works i love that he pulled out stadium expansion expenses like it was an unforeseen uh medical event like that's yeah you or i would say uh you know what i'm gonna be a little bit late on my rent this month i had to go visit my mom yeah tree fell through my roof yeah exactly i don't know what to do this year yeah so all my budgets are off sorry can is it okay if i just delay it for a couple weeks he's like yeah i had to spend a billion dollars on say it just kind of snuck up on yeah i not that but i had to spend a billion dollars which i will then make like a hundred billion dollars in the next hundred years because i'm gonna own this team and give it to my kids damn didn't see that one coming sorry i had to put up a bunch of signs that we're gonna block the rooftops of buildings where people used to watch my team play uh it's one of those things you understand it's brutal it's brutal we all gotta balance our checkbookbook at the end of the month damn that payroll it's tough they just they don't have the flexibility that they thought they would have because of all this money that they're making 100% over budget and construction really isn't that much over you got to if you ever sit down to estimate a construction project no matter what it is you got to immediately say okay triple it and now that's my real budget man the worst all right my cool throne is sticking on baseball are you guys are you guys gonna trade rizzo no trade chris bryant is the word chris bryant yeah and everyone's you know what what happens is whether they trade chris bryant or not i do not want them to trade chris bryant but what pisses me off more than anything is fans were like well you gotta trade chris bryant because we have no money like don't buy that bullshit don't buy that bullshit like that's it's not just you can't you can't sign chris bryant you know he's best friends with bryce harper it's true they've always wanted to play phillies are one of the teams that have been talked about all right um which would be just that would suck all right uh my cool throne sticking on baseball mystery team mystery team's back yep so john hayman said uh for garrett cole here's here there there's there's a mystery team on coal hard to imagine anyone thinks they are coming in late and outbidding the yankees and two la teams even if one's in anaheim no idea no idea the identity of said team but that's why it's a mystery so he explained the mystery team too whatever team it is they better have a shitload of trash cans next to their clubhouse yes that is what garrett cole is looking for in his new team i i like that the mystery team always comes from john hayman i'm pretty sure scott boris just has like he has a phone in his office and he picks it up it's the mystery team phone he's like john do the mystery team tweet we need we need to we need to get a little more money out of the yankees here gonna need a mystery team tweet it's a it's a red phone like the uh like the nuclear phone in the oval office except it's just got question marks all over yeah uh has the mystery team ever gotten the guy no so never for the mystery team that sucks well if you root for the mystery team you also never lose though true and you also don't know who you're rooting for ever. Right.
It's like the airhead where you didn't know what flavor it was. It was raspberry.
Stuck in a black hole. You think it was? Yeah, it's definitely.
The white raspberry one. Damn, that was so, so cool.
Yeah. There was some hot debates about the mystery flavor of airhead.
What goes on at these winter meetings? Because the best I can tell is it's just a bunch of old rich dudes that are drinking margaritas in a hotel lobby.

Yep.

And then at the end of the week, the one who is the most sober ends up actually making good transactions.

So you nailed it.

Okay, the winter meetings.

Yeah, yeah.

Actually, that sounds fucking awesome.

No, it sounds awesome.

They're in San Diego.

What were you going to say, Hank?

You're talking about the white airhead.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Definitely not raspberry.

Yes, it was.

Look it up.

Google it, bitch. Whoa.
Whoa. You dropped a B word on him? Yeah, that's right.
White Airhead flavor. I'll do it again.
It says each white cherry or white apple. White apple flavor.
What is white apple? It turns out that Airhead's white mystery flavor is just the leftover flavorings that couldn't make a full batch. So will you retract the bitch? That sounds like a conspiracy.
Will you please retract the bitch? No, I won't retract it. It changes from batch to batch.
So the one I had. This is from reference.com.
The one you had? The one I had was. Retract it.
No. Sir.
I won't. Retract the bitch.
Leroy's going to get into the mystery team business. That sounds like a really good way to expand the brand a little bit.
The bitch was strong. Mystery coach.
Do mystery. I'm hearing a mystery coach is going to sign with a mystery team.
It's always Jeff Fisher. And then you just have it.
And then you just, whenever the next signing happens, boom, it happens. All right, let's get to our interviews.
What if it was like the pickup artist mystery? Ooh. I wonder what he's doing.
I'm reading that book now. So that I can use the techniques on interviews? All time.
The game. Listen, mystery.
Say what you want about mystery. But the fact that he never got me too'd.
Credit. Yeah.
Well, I think that would have been up there. His life was just an entire me too.
Right. But it's just like.
He was so open about it. Yeah, it's true.
He just wrote about it. So I guess that works.
Before we get to our interview with Blake Bortles and the return of the Wikipedia Club, a quick word from our friends. The Barstool Golf Time app makes it easy for golfers to find the best tee times at the best prices.
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We drink Mountain Dew all the time. Okay, so we did a three-point shooting contest sponsored by Mountain Dew.
That's how great Mountain Dew is. They're sponsoring us shooting threes.
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We love drinking Mountain Dew and we will keep drinking Mountain Dew and so should you. That rhymed.
Okay, here he is. Blake Bortles.
Okay, we now welcome on one of our favorite recurring guests is Blake Bortles, quarterback of the Los Angeles Rams, one of our best friends, runner-up for Blake of the Year. No, third place for Blake of the Year, 2019.
Did not finish. First place, 2018, Wikipedia Club member.
Blake, before we do the Wikipedia, how's the season going? We've seen you you've gotten in a couple times it is yeah i've gotten uh my player performance reps are getting up there so hopefully that'll account to a nice nice uh nice check at the end of the year um what does that mean good what does that mean so it's like based off of how many plays you play and like when you got drafted so it's really meant for like guys that went undrafted or got drafted late that end up playing a lot. Like they get, you know, per play, however much money.
I have no idea how that is calculated, but they get a check at the end. So, you know, it's kind of the two or three plays I get when we're beating, when we're beating somebody pretty good, you know, they'll come and maybe get $100 or so after the year.
So how many more plays do you have to get in to hit, like, your next level of bonus? Oh, I'd imagine I'd have to play a couple games worth probably. So that's definitely out of the question, yeah.
Okay. You never know, though.
No, the season's going good. Yeah, season's going good.
We had a big one the other night against Seattle, and we got Dallas coming up. So it kind of feels like, you know, we're starting to play, starting to play good football in December and hopefully get rolling at the right time.
Now, what about that catch you had on the sidelines? That was pretty spectacular a couple weeks ago where you looked like a tight end out there. I appreciate it.
I mean, that is my natural position. It's kind of funny because I knew I had the earpiece in.
So I can obviously, I hear the plays that Jared gets into his helmet from Sean. And like that play, I was like, so I moved down a little bit because I was like, if Jared doesn't like this, I actually had the thought.
I was like, if he doesn't like it, he's just going to throw it over this guy's head. So I'll be standing right here for, like, my moment this year.
That's right. Sure enough.
You're the primary receiver. Jared didn't like it.
Oh. He threw it over.
It threw it right to me. It worked out perfect.
That's so beautiful. So you were just – I mean, like that's something that everyone sees and they're like, oh, that's random that Blake caught it, but you knew exactly where to be.
Six foul ball. Yeah, no, I actually like – I moved a good like 20 yards down the sideline to get right behind that route.
I knew he could throw it over his head if he didn't like it. Fucking A, that's so perfect.
How's bald life going? Are you sticking with it? Yeah, yeah, it's going good. I do the half guard once a week or so.
So it's going good. It's just kind of like I've accepted it.
You own it. Because when you're balding, people are like, dude, what are you doing? You're either hanging on too long or you need to go get plugs.
But when you shave it, it's just like, look, this is who I am. This is what I got.
Yeah bold yeah what about the tesla how's she running tesla's running beautifully um i actually actually ran out of juice the other day pulling into uh pulling into my so like i have the charger in my garage and like i like to test the boundaries with this sometimes just to see how far i can go on zero miles yeah and uh like this thing dies pulling into garage. So actually I had a buddy with me.
So we had to get out and push it like six feet into the garage so the charger could reach it. That's amazing.
So you're just kind of a bad boy with the charge, just seeing if you can really push the limits on this thing. Yeah, yeah.
You know, living dangerously in my Tesla. That is the most dangerous thing a Tesla owner can do, right? Because you don't even have to drive the car.
That or smoke weed on Alex Jones' show. Yeah.
And then your stock plummets. That's true.
So wait, at Tesla, you actually aren't driving the car at all? No. So, like, you can't.
I guess the new update, the one that's supposed to come out here pretty soon, will read stop lights and traffic signs. Or, like, stop signs and traffic lights.
Because right now, highway as long as there's dotted lines in the road like you can sense all that my car's all around it so um it gets a little a little sketchy on back roads and stuff like that where it doesn't have a whole lot of things to kind of sense off of got it got it that's that's wild um how has the post game handshakes worked for you this year have you been just going going straight to the backup quarterback, or what's that like? It's me and Jared actually had a conversation about this a week or so ago. It's kind of a weird dynamic.
It's like as a starter, you talk to a couple guys after the game, depending if you ended the game on the field taking a knee or trying to score at the end. You talk to the defensive guys right there, and then you always say what's up to the other starting quarterback.
But as the backup, it's kind of a free-for-all. I find myself talking to kickers at times.
Really just all kinds of people. Is that a moment where you're like, damn, where's your life gone, Blake? Sitting here talking to a kicker.
Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, kickers are people too. So, I mean, they deserve good conversation.
Like I got to spend some time with Jason Myers after the Seattle game who I was with in Jacksonville for a while but it's uh it's kind of yeah it's kind of funny and then there's times like we were playing Baltimore um when they beat the crap out of us the other night and uh like walk out after the game because again like when you're playing even if you don't know anybody like it's still kind of the respect thing of hey we just got done playing four quarters against each other good game yadda yadda like when you're coming off the bench in a clean jersey walking out there like nobody's really looking to talk to you so you i walked out there and kind of realized you know once i got to the 50 yard line like i don't know a single person on this team so then just kind of hit a light jog to the locker room wait so why don't you every now and then just maybe you know roll around in the grass a little bit maybe get out there before the second half starts and field a couple of the punts or something like that. Well, I try to do that pregame.
I usually hit an up-down or two in our pregame warm-ups, you know, and it kind of hurts me when we play on turf because then I get nothing. But, yeah, I try and get a little grass on my jerseys.
Maybe get on the bike, too, on the sidelines. Get on that hand part of the bike.
Just keep yourself loose a little bit.

Yeah, I spend a lot of time

behind the bench during TV timeouts,

throwing water on my face and rubbing

eye black on my jersey.

So we talked

a couple weeks ago about

Jeff Driscoll starting for the Lions.

Now, I mentioned

that he played you in your rival high school. You put it on them, huh? Can we get the real story about when you played Jeff Driscoll starting for the Lions.
Now, I mentioned that he played you in your rival high school. You put it on them, huh? Can we get the real story about when you played Jeff Driscoll? Yeah, so I actually pretty much grew up with Jeff.
He moved into Oviedo, I think he was like six or seven, and we kind of played baseball against each other growing up. And then he went to Hagerty, which was the – like I went to Oviedo, he went to Hagerty, kind of rivalry school in the same town.
And we beat him. We beat him pretty good.
I want to say it's like 50-something to maybe 14 or 17, which was my senior year, his junior year. And then the following year, his senior year, he blew up.
I mean, he was putting up ridiculous numbers. I think he was the number one rated quarterback coming out of high school and all that, and I think he beat the crap out of us.
But my last year there, we put it to Jeff definitely. The best part about when we talked about Jeff Driscoll and Blake Bortles playing in high school rivalry game is after we talked about it on part of my take, some random kid tweeted at me and was like, hey, you didn't mention the fact that we didn't even run any of our real offense in the second half.
We could have put up 100. And I sent it to Blake, and he's like, yep, that guy was on the team.
He's right. We didn't run our offense.
That kid, too. His name's Kyle.
He's incredible. He was pretty juiced up, but you guys recognized his tweet.
That's awesome. We're having our latest meeting at the Wikipedia Club.
What did we talk about last time? It's been a long time. I don't even remember.
Balding? I do think of the Wikipedia Club every year right around Thanksgiving time when you wonder why isn't Thanksgiving the same day like every year. So that always confuses us.
That was a real throwback three years ago when we couldn't figure out that it wasn't November 25th every year. Also, Hanukkah is coming really late this year.
Hanukkah is coming late. That really threw me off, too, because I'm used to, I feel like December 9th is when Hanukkah gets started, usually.
Yeah, it floats. That's probably totally wrong.
It floats. So, yeah, we're going to do foot speed.
We want to do foot speed because PFT, we were talking about it. We're like, what should we do for Wikipedia Club?ipedia club and pft throughout the idea of will there ever be like what's the fastest someone will ever run

and because a human body is only built to go so fast before it just breaks right so no one will

ever run a hundred yard dash in five seconds right in four seconds so i'll just read the general uh

topic and i think this is going to be one of those ones where we click on a bunch of links and maybe

go down a rabbit hole for this wikipedia but foot speed or sprint speed is the maximum speed at which

Thank you. general topic.
And I think this is going to be one of those ones where we click on a bunch of links and maybe go down a rabbit hole for this Wikipedia. But foot speed or sprint speed is the maximum speed at which a human can run.
It is affected by many factors, varies greatly through the population, and is important in athletics in many sports such as football, rugby, American football, track and field, hockey, basketball, and baseball and basketball. I don't think it's...
Not baseball, really. Or hockey.
Yeah. I mean, foot speed.
Ice speed. Stealing bases? Yeah, stealing bases.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Laying the outfield? Blake, were you – when you were growing up, were you the fastest kid? No, God, no.
Never. Really? Yeah, yeah, no.
I was never good at, like, running unless somebody was chasing me. Like, that was the only time, like, I was able to run as fast as, like, if you watch.
It's like Jerry Rice. Somebody sent me a thing the other day of me running the 40 at the combine, and it looked like, uh, like, what's his name? Chasing Shooter McGavin for Happy Gilmore's jacket.
Like, it's just not a good look. So, just naturally running was never my thing.
You're like my dog, Stella. She won't run at parks unless another dog chases her.
But she's smart. It's no fun just running by yourself.
Conserves that energy. Right, exactly.
What's the fastest 40 you've ever run? We had actually a defensive line coach at my high school. It was an older fella, so a little late twitched and partially blind.
Clocked me a four six one time oh my god we're looking at the video right now you have so much hair in your combine video wow oh god this is yeah that was a tough one you're looking good all right here it goes and you're off one one thousand two one thousand three one thousand 4-1000, 5-1000 and you're done. 1, 1,000, 2, 1,000, 3, 1,000, 4, 1,000, 5, 1,000.
And you're done. About five seconds.
Hand-timed five. Oh, man.
You looked good. You looked really.
Your 10-yard split was 1.72. And then you slowed down a little.
But that's okay. Not a speed guy.
No, no. 10-yard increments only.
The hammies locked up a bit after the the 20-yard mark. The arms look good, too.
I don't know. Did you get any curls in before you ran? Yeah, I hit a little push-up circuit before we started.
I don't think this is mean, but you look like a different person with hair. Oh, and you also are already balding.
You can see it. I think you look better.
You can see the shadow on the top you look better now blake i do too look more distinguished yeah i don't think i wouldn't draft that guy i would draft the guy right now um who is the fastest guy you've ever played with um i think it's probably brandon cooks uh receiver we have out here in la and i actually trained with them um for the combine we were training down to san San Diego together, and I thought he was fast then. But he's on a whole other level of fast.
And the definition of foot speed, extremely quick. When you watch someone who's super, super fast, are you just in awe? Because NFL is one of those things where you don't really, until you're on the sideline and you see them moving, you're like, holy shit, these guys are enormous and they run so fast.
No doubt, yeah. And then, I mean, especially what Lamar Jackson's doing as a quarterback, like every quarterback playing in the NFL wishes they had the ability to do what Lamar can do on every single play.
So getting a chance to watch that guy play in person was kind of like, holy cow, if you thought you were faster athletic in any way, you're definitely not compared to him.

Now, say there are two different types of foot speed here.

There's more of the slow twitch and there's the fast twitch, which is what I would assume Lamar Jackson has.

But maybe you're a distance guy.

What's your best mile time?

I ran cross country in elementary school.

I think I broke six minutes one time maybe, maybe seven. I couldn't tell you to be honest.
Six and a half sounds good. You ran cross-country in elementary school? Yeah.
It's crazy that Florida had. Whoa.
Our parents made us, I think, trying to be active. We were also maybe getting a little bit on the heavy end, so it was their way of making us exercise.
What was a young Blake Bortles' favorite afternoon snack when he gets home from school? I was a big Swiss rolls guy. You remember Swiss rolls? Yes.
I had some of those on the way to the office on Sunday. They're incredible.
Swiss rolls and the zebra cakes. Oh.
Was your house the house, like everyone knows the friend whose house, like their parents would just get everything and it was like a convenience store? always had good snacks, and the fridge was always stocked with Gatorade, so people robbed us every time we had friends over. Now that I'm thinking about it, I feel like every house in Florida is like that.
There's zebra cakes and gushers. Right.
Everyone knows the one house, but Florida just has all the houses like that. Every house is just stocked.
Yeah, just stocked little debbie snacks and everything um it says the fastest that the human has ever run is 27.8 miles per hour and that was you say yeah between meters 60 and 80 see i always assume that like the the 40 to 50 meter range would be the fastest but i guess his legs are so long long, he's still picking up speed at that point. That's crazy fast.
It also has animals here. The domestic cat reaches 30 miles an hour.
I did not think that. That's wild.
Fast twitch. Yeah, fast twitch muscles.
The American Quarter Horse is 55 miles an hour. The Mongolian Wild Ass.
Now, I'm going to click on this one. Yep, got to look at that gotta look 40 miles an hour mongolian wild ass i don't think that there was any reason to include that animal because it was it's just the house cat the cheetah and then they threw in the mongolian wild ass as the other animal here just the name is great which is why it was included do you blake when you watch guys when when you're like uh the coaching staff do they do they preach speed constantly do they ever like get on guys like hey you're not fast anymore that's gonna suck if you're fast then you lose your speed right um yeah i don't know i'm sure with guys that that are getting a little bit older um and maybe aren't as fast as you know they used to be but it's kind of crazy listening to guys talk to like the like our receivers you know receivers coach talk to them and talk about, hey, you've just got to hit another gear here and get up over the top of this guy.
The guys are just like, yeah, no problem, I got that. They just take off and run faster.
The guys with the ability to do it are unbelievably impressive to watch, but there's definitely a factor of getting older, maybe being banged up and not being able to move like they used to when do you think that uh the fastest athletes reach their peak like does brandon cooks for example is he faster now than when he was training for the 40 um i don't know i'd imagine everybody's probably different like i think like i'm faster now than i was when i was training for the combine um but I would say there's probably guys that are the opposite of that.

I bet everybody's probably a little different.

So maybe you put in some plays in the playbook where it's like you running the read option,

you doing the Lamar Jackson type of offense,

because you were drafted essentially to play a different style of quarterback

than what you're equipped to do right now.

Exactly.

And I don't know if you caught this or not,

but we tried a little something like that against Pittsburgh,

and it did not go well.

I did see that, yeah.

But you are the Pittsburgh killer.

Right, right, yeah.

I've had some good games against Pittsburgh,

but unfortunately they got us this year.

So we tried to run out there with a little zone read option type deal,

and it was kind of a botched job.

You didn't fumble, though.

No, it didn't fumble,

but that package probably got shelved for a little bit. I don't know why i have never brought this up and why i've never asked you this but it just popped in my head randomly and i need the answer and i we could do the rest of the entire podcast on this you played in the inaugural civil conflict how have we never talked about that no the usf ucf game no the un-UCF game.
Oh, that's what that is called. Oh, yeah, the USF went to war on I-4.
What do they call it? Civil conflict. Bob Diacchio from UConn just made up a rivalry trophy, and then you guys just didn't acknowledge it and left it on the sideline.
Yeah, I was gone when they did that. But I remember we played them because that was the first year of the American Athletic Conference, which was the old Big East.
Yeah. And at that, I'm not sure how they are now, but at that time UConn was not very good.
No, they're bad now. I don't know.
Yeah. Are they still? Yeah, yeah.
You beat them 62-17. Now was that, so when they, you don't remember at all, was it truly like they didn't even tell you that, like, hey, this is a rivalry game? Like, did Coach O'Leary, was he like, hey, guys, I don't know if you heard, but we're in a rivalry now? No, no.
We had no idea that that was a rivalry game or we were playing for a trophy. We just thought it was another game.
You didn't have a clock in your locker room that counted down the minutes until that game? No, no. We missed out on that one.
The famous quote from Bob Diacchio was, UCF, they don't get to say whether they're our rival or not. And then the New York Post said that it was the worst rivalry in sports history.
Yeah, I think there has to be some sort of agreement when two teams want to become a rivalry like equal hate or whatever no it needed to form that disagree but apparently not yeah who would you say you don't think so no I think if you say like hey we're rivals now and especially because they made it it was genius because it was civil conflict and if you've never seen it but it's conflict with the FL capitalized and the ct capitalized so florida connecticut right makes total sense yeah see what's interesting about rivalries is i don't know if this was the case for you blake but back in the day sometimes we would settle our beef via a foot race did you ever do that in elementary school we tie it back in yeah that was a that was a big uh a big thing on the playground whoever uh whoever won the the race won the argument. Yeah.
Didn't win a whole lot of those. We got to bring that back.
Instead of fighting each other, hey, kids, don't bring a gun to school. Just race your rival.
I can't believe that you weren't the fastest kid ever. No, no, not at all.
I was average. I was I was average.
Like, I was middle of the road. Like, I was always a little bit taller than the rest of the kids, but, like, I don't know.
I was never the fastest, never the slowest. I was somewhere in the middle.
Okay. Same.
Damn. All right, anything else we got on foot speed or civil conflict or, Blake, any questions or anything that we want to bring up? Has anyone in the victory formation, or not the victory formation, the meeting in the middle of the field, has anyone brought up your terrible performance in Blake of the Year? Yeah, I get a lot more chirps from the crowd.
There was actually a guy last week on the field when we were warming up pregame that had a part in my take shirt on just yelling blake of the year so like i mean he's 15 feet away from me and i'm warming up with barrett and he's just screaming blake of the year at me uh no there was um there's there's been people that yell at me usually from the crowd a couple guys uh a couple guys actually when we were in pittsburgh not a pardon my take or blake of the year thing but um like i over after we got done warming up, and Ben Roethlisberger was standing at the 50-yard line, and we got the same agent. I've known him for a while.
He'd take my helmet off just to say hello and shake his hand, and just the look on his face. He just goes, where'd your hair go? I don't know if you noticed or not, but it's been going for a while, so now it's just gone.
No, he thought you did a witchcraft. Yeah, Ben doesn't understand haircuts.
I don't know if you noticed or not, but it's been going for a while, so now it's just gone.

No, he thought you did a witchcraft.

Yeah, Ben doesn't understand haircuts.

I don't know if you've seen his face recently,

but he doesn't know what clippers are.

Yes, yes.

All right, anything else?

What do you got, PFT? Just hypothetically, what do you think is the fastest

that a human will ever be able to run?

Dude, I don't know.

Because, I mean, how low is the 40-yard dash record going don't like there's no way anybody's ever gonna break four seconds um I don't know I guess maybe maybe high for one like if you say Bolt had to run a 40 but it's not really his specialty he's more of like uh the back end of the 100 guy yeah U.S. Rugby has a couple guys Carl and Iles and Perry Baker they could Four, three, nine, nine.
It's also PFT brought this up before, but like the fastball to like how fast is the fastest fastball going to be thrown? Right. Yeah, exactly.
I don't know. I wish I could throw one like Strasburg.
Yeah. Oh, nice.
That's a topical reference. Way to go.
Nat for life. How fast could you throw a fastball? I could throw – like, I had an issue.
I could throw it hard, but I could only throw it hard, like, a couple times. And then my arm didn't feel too good throwing a baseball.
I think I threw it maybe, like, 92 was the fastest I ever threw a ball. That's still really fast, yeah.
Damn. But, yeah, it was one and done.
That was all I had. And then it was all knuckleballs after that.
That'll still get you drafted in, like, the 60th round. Yeah, like the A's will take a flyer on you.
Just show a little potential. Yeah, yeah.
If you were from Southern California, you'd maybe even get drafted in, like, the 28th round. If you just, you know.
Right. They love those Southern California pitchers.
Ooh. Yeah, no, I was definitely more of a bullpen catcher guy.
Have you seen the new stadium yet? Not person well i mean i've seen it like flying over like flying into lax and then obviously pictures and videos of it but uh i have not seen it in person looks pretty awesome though is that where your training facility is going to be no it's going to be separate they're uh i think they're actually still trying to figure out where they're going to put the the facility because it's not going to be at the, I don't believe. Ah, interesting.
All right, last question for me. Seeky question, promo code TAKE.
Put in promo code TAKE. You get $10 off.
Are you going to be – well, maybe the Rams will be in the Super Bowl, but if they're not, will you be in Miami for Ruffin Rowdy? Are you guys doing a Super Bowl week? Yep, Stu Finer's going to fight. Who is that? Oh, damn.
That's going to kill Stu Finer. The best gambler in the history of the world.
Yeah, we're going to do it Friday night like we did last year. Are you going to be there? Yeah, there's a chance.
I mean, a rough and rowdy event in Miami at the Super Bowl. Sounds like a good time.
Are you not winning one of those awards this year? No, the man of the year thing? I don't think it's a one and done deal, but no, I probably will not win that this year. We'll see.
We'll have to figure it out. We've got to create a charity last minute.
You can pledge your money to it. That would be actually a good resume thing for you.
Blake Bortles this year has pledged $100 million to the PMT charity fund. Right, and then we put an asterisk under it and be

like uh dependent on how many snaps he has and that how big that check is at the end of the year and also the pmt charity fund is just us yeah it's us just to check your personal bank account yeah yeah oh wait last last question we're staring at our bench press right now we have it in our studio what. What do you bench? Oh, man.
I couldn't say. I haven't benched press in five, six years probably since I left college.
Yeah, I can maybe do 185 one time. You don't even lift anymore? Damn.
No, more of a – well, I mean, kind of once you leave college, it's like, you know, no quarterbacks really bench, you know, I guess after Brady Quinn, uh, did 26 reps or whatever he did at the compound, I just stopped doing it. So like that guy shut down.
What are you guys benching? Uh, I don't know yet. Yeah.
I haven't done max in a while. They don't have enough weights at the gym.
We'll find out once we get this thing set up. Uh, the dumbbells only go up to 120 to 120 each.
Bench is one of those things.

If you don't bench, you can't really bench heavy weights.

I haven't benched in a while.

As soon as I get back on it, I'm sure it will come back to me.

It's a real bench, too.

It's not like a Bowflex or one of those things.

No, it's a real bench.

It's a real bench.

What do you got against Bowflex, dude?

Oh, nothing.

I was just trying to figure out what kind of equipment you guys got.

Oh, it's real.

We got some equipment.

It's huge.

I'll show you this equipment.

Big-ass weights. You don't want this.
The Iron Dungeon is what we're going to call the scene. I can't wait to figure out what kind of equipment you guys got.
Oh, it's real. We got some equipment.
It's huge. I'll show you this equipment.
Big ass weights. You don't want this.
The Iron Dungeon. I can't wait to see it.
Yeah. You guys need to have some sort of office Olympics in there.
Just in our studio. Yeah, an office pro day.
You bust out the 510-5, the 40, the bird, the bench, and see who's the specimen of the office. The Wonderlic? I like that.

I like that.

The Wonderlic?

Yeah, the Wonderlic.

What did you get on the Wonderlic, Blake?

I think I got a 30.

Wow.

Oh.

I mean, that's what I expected.

I knew you would.

I knew you would.

Really?

Only a 30, Blake?

You didn't think so, yeah.

No.

It's actually, so we get scouting reports every week of who we're playing,

the defense, and like the personnel.

And we just figured out the other day, there's always like it says, you know, their name, their number, where they went to school, when they got drafted, all kind of the info. And there's always like this random, they're 40 times, there's always this random number on there.
And we've been trying to figure out what it is. And we actually just found out the other day it's their Wunderlich score.
So now we just go through each scouting report and try and find out who's got the lowest Wunderlich score and see if

that's something we can say to them.

That is good. Yes, I like that a lot.

Alright, well Blake, thank you so much

for your time. Appreciate it.
Appreciate you

always doing the Wikipedia Club. Hopefully we see you soon.

It's been too long, man.

It has. Thanks for having me.

Enjoyed talking to you guys. Love you, Blake.

Alright, see you. I love you guys.
All right. Love you, Blake.
All right. Say hi.

Love you guys.

Love you.

Love you.

Love you.

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Got to use that URL, MeUndies.com slash take. Okay, let's get to some segments.
First up, we have a very important announcement. Tomorrow night, Thursday, halftime of Thursday Night Football, Ravens-Jets, we have the second annual Lomans Trophy Award.
Lomans Trophy. Lomans and PFT is going to give us the finalists.
Yes. So the Lomans Trophy, you guys know it.
It's the Collegiate Award for the Nation's Best Fullback. And the finalists are Drumroll.
Torrey Carter from LSU. Woo! Suspended first half.
That's fine. He'll get into the second.
Okay. John Chenal.
Chenal.

Wisconsin.

Good.

Connor Slomko.

What was that?

Army.

I'm doing a drum roll.

Hank, you want to do a drum roll?

I'm too lazy to actually drum roll.

We got to start this over again.

I need more theatrics out of you, Hank.

We'll pump it in. Okay, we'll pump it in later.

John Chenal from Wisconsin. Yes.
Connor Slomka from Army. Awesome.
Ben Mason from Michigan. Award winner.
Returning champion. Yeah.
Would be the first back-to-back winner in the history of the award. Against Wisconsin.
Brady Ross, Iowa. Yes.
That's just a fullback name. It is.
Brady Ross, Iowa.

Jeremiah Hall.

From?

Oklahoma.

Nice.

And Mason Stoke, also from Wisconsin.

Ooh.

So we've got two.

We've got two.

We have two Wisconsin fullbacks nominated.

That's a first in the history of the award.

Nice.

We've got a returning champion. Torrey Carter was a finalist last year as well.
So was Connor Slomka. Brady Ross, if you've ever seen a picture of him, he looks like the definition of Brady Ross.
So I'm very excited about this. So halftime Thursday Night Football, we've got an awards ceremony set up, ready to go, featuring a very special presenter.
Nice. Who shall remain nameless.
And we also will have pigs in the blanket again. Yeah, and we got to build the trophy.
Yeah, we have to rebuild the trophy. Rebuild the trophy, which is going to be fun.
And I'm happy that we have two Wisconsin guys there because the Heisman Trophy just completely never inviting Jonathan Taylor is a travesty. But whatever.
Next up, we have bad visual for Lane Kiffin, Ole Miss.

So there was a picture of Lane Kiffin.

He is now the head coach of Ole Miss.

Lane Kiffin has not skipped any meals in the last couple years.

Lane Kiffin.

Salads.

Yeah, he's not skipping any salad.

No, he moves the salad course off to the side.

Lane Kiffin looks with the visor and the fact that his cheeks and his neck

Thank you. He's not skipping a salad.
No, he moves the salad course off to the side. Lane Kiffin looks with the visor and the fact that his cheeks and his neck are no longer.

Like his cheeks have enlarged and his neck is no longer there.

Yeah.

Well, the way that the visor is set up, he needs to switch to a baseball cap because the visor, it acts like a belt on the head almost.

Yeah.

Where it pushes some of the fat above it and then some of the fat below it. So you get like a pear-shaped thing going on with the head.
I was saying that he looked like a guy who invites you on his pontoon and calls it the poon tune. And then, you know, everyone's got a Mai Tai in their hand right away.
Like my famous Mai Tai. And there's maybe some females on there like, is that his daughter? Is that his girlfriend? We don't know.
But it's the poon tune. The motorboating crew.
Yeah.. Yeah, and then he hops in the Chevy after and goes on home day drinking, so he can't get a DUI.
He does look like he's bright red. Yes.
He looks like he's day drunk. Day drunk, yes.
He's got that nice glow to him. He looks like he's Leonard Skinner's accountant.
He spends a lot of time outside, and he likes to party, but he also has a very nice home.

Right.

Can be organized.

Has an extremely detail-oriented assistant that takes care of things for him.

He has a sick bar in his basement, and then also a mini bar upstairs, so he's never more

than 30 feet away from a bar.

He's a man of leisure.

Yes.

It looks like Kenny Chesney's cowboy hat had one

wish to become a real boy. Yes.

Yeah. So Lane Kiffin good visual

bad visual. I mean it's a great visual

for Ole Miss. Yeah.
He looks like

an Ole Miss coach right now. Yeah

he absolutely does. He's fit every stereotype

so it's good to have him back in a major

program. It's like he's been holding a burner phone up

to his face and it's just scalded the shit

out of him. I'm just so excited for Lane Kiffin to

get that 3.30 game on

CBS and just get absolutely shit pumped by alabama and just watch him be mad he's also cosplaying as ben rothensberger yes yeah well he's been doing that for a while but it's really coming into shape and now that ben has been injured for a little bit ben is cosplaying as lane kiffin as well You're like in a race to try to look as much like the other guy as possible.

Yes.

I just want to say I love the SEC.

I love the SEC.

It's like ballet for people in the South.

When you look at the different coaches that they have, like a soap opera,

you've got Coach O, you've got Lane Kiffin, you've got Nick Saban,

you've got probably the most normal coach in that entire conference is the one that lets his wife make out with all the players when they get off the bus. Yes.
You've got the new Arkansas head coach. Dan Miss Mullen.
Have you seen the Arkansas coach? He is. He looks like Joe Pesci on steroids.
Sam Pittman is who you're talking about. He's the Georgia O-line coach.
That is a panic hire for Arkansas. No.
I think that they are.ey I saw his face like that's not a head coach that's not a head look up pictures we'll have to tweet out not a head of Arkansas's head coach yeah I think it's a perfect fit for Arkansas football it was a panic because they wanted Lane and they're like tell you what we're gonna get the guy Norvell they wanted all these guys we can't get Lane but we can't get the guy that looks like he was lane kiffin's high school principal that suspended him a bunch of times yeah he's he is he is the the the uh bad teacher from an 80s movie that's that's who he is so i yeah sam pitman i think is his name man i just i just love the sec so much it's great it's just a great character guys coaches right, let's finish up with guys on chicks. Hank, what do you got? My husband and I live in Los Angeles.
He's a huge Lions fan and has never been to a Lions game. For Christmas, I'm buying us tickets to fly out to Detroit for the Lions-Packers game.
Oh, no. Even with as bad as the Lions have been this year, is this a good move? No.
No. You want to stay? It's super easy to be a Lions fan.
He's never been to a game game you know how easy it would be to be a lions fan in los angeles it's like playing a video game on rookie mode it's fine they lose you walk outside it's 70 degrees unless there's a bad traffic jam on the 405 then you you have an afternoon where you can be happy if you want to if you're a lions fan in detroit and you lose you still have to walk outside just wait wait wait next year. They're going to play the Cardinals again, right? Go to a game in Phoenix or go to a game that they can win or tie.
But, yeah, if you're a Lions fan and you're taking your husband to his first Lions game ever. In Detroit.
You have to do it in September when there's still hope. Here's a better Christmas present for a Lions fan.
This is a sick throwback Barry Sanders jersey. Yeah, there you go.
Like a real top of the line Barry Sanders. Season tickets to the Rams.
Get him a black light picture of Jim Caldwell. Oh, man, that's brutal.
I heard the guys on Chicks episode where a girl asked why her boyfriend locks the door when he poops. When I heard that, I realized mine does too, except never would I ever even attempt to barge in on him.
I agreed with y'all in the sense that I don't want to know what the fuck is happening in there, and I want to steer far away from it. However, my problem is whenever I have to go to the bathroom, even just to pee, he always barges in on me.
Sometimes he will knock one time, I say hold on, and he continues to still enter anyway. Why is it such a double standard where I'm not allowed to do this, nor I want to, and he's in there, but he wants to when I'm peeing? Is it my fault for not locking the door too like he does? I thought there was an unwritten rule of respect when it comes to a closed bathroom door in your own house and not having to take the extra step to lock it.
Thanks. He might have a fetish.
He might just be into watching you pee. Yeah.
He's got a pee girl fetish. Either that or he's just, he's probably just making sure that you're safe.
Yeah, that's not, you gotta fall in. You gotta lock, you gotta get deadbolt.
I don't know. People barging in, that's a big, that will ruin a relationship very quickly.
The one way that you could stop him is if he walks in, you just start unloading a giant crap. He'll never again not again yeah sorry sorry babe i got this thing whenever i hear a door open it just makes me shit sorry i had brisket last night honey we should get oh that's a good idea uh what brisket in front of each other oh okay yeah for dinner my boyfriend only talks in baby talk and he wants me to talk like that, too, especially when we hook up.

What do I do?

Also, I have a 62-year-old sugar daddy that pays me to talk to him every night online.

What?

Is that weird?

I'm also scared.

Curveball.

I think it's totally normal to just do some hot chat room action with a 62.

Listen, do whatever you want online if you're getting paid for it.

I think as long as you give a portion of that money without him knowing to your boyfriend like you know whether it be date night whatever it is as long as he gets us kickback again he doesn't have to know a silent kickback i think it's okay i'm also baby talk the baby talk is that's weird have them watch the seinfeld schmoopy episode they're probably too young to even watch seinfeld but that will make you stop doing baby talk forever. I don't know.
The whole act of getting paid to sext a 62-year-old, that's a little strange to me. I think that he would probably find that weird if he uncovered your chat logs or whatever.
So just hide your tracks very carefully. Yes, big time.
Hey, guys. So I had a dream last night that I went on a date with PFT.

I was so confused when I woke up this morning.

He was shirtless and wearing goggles, and I recall having a great time.

Welcome.

Is it wrong to have dreams about other men slash women when you're in a happy relationship,

or does that mean subconsciously I'm not as happy as everything seems?

No, listen.

Should I feel guilty?

When you tune into the Peloton Halftime Show and I got the quads going and I've got my goggles on and the wind's blowing through my hair. I turn on and I'm just, yeah.
The questions open. Yeah, I opened the floor for questions.
You got to say, you got to say, I opened the floor for questions. It's totally natural.
It's just like, you know, that's when women see an alpha male like that on a Peloton, they can't help but have these dreams. Yeah.
Your dreams are your dreams. Good thing about your dreams is you don't have to tell anyone about the dreams because that's the most boring conversation ever.
Hey, boys. Fantasy teams.
Yeah. Fantasy Football Factory.
Subscribe on iTunes. Only two more episodes.
Hey, boys. Ever? This season.
Are you going to bring a new season? Yeah. We're going to mix it up a lot next year.
We'll see. Tell us what's going to happen.
Big things coming. If you tune in to Thursday's episode, all information will be there.
You going to do fantasy rugby? Nope. Is that a thing? That can't be a thing.
I don't know. There's no way.
Please, God, please. Fantasy NASCAR.
Hey, boys, especially Can't Get It Up Hank. People don't forget.
Ha ha ha. Shit.
I've been dating my boyfriend for three years now and we recently moved in together. I was vacuuming our bedroom and stepped on the carpet by his side of the bed and it felt really rough and different from the rest of the carpet throughout the bedroom.
I asked him what happened and he couldn't give me a straight answer that made any sense. I kept asking him and eventually he got the truth.
Eventually he got the truth. He told me it's his jerk-off spot and that all guys have a part of the house where they jerk off and just leave it.
Is this true? Do all guys really just jerk off onto the floor and claim a spot like dogs? Or is my boyfriend a crazy person? Please help. Yeah.
No, it's true. You caught us.
It's usually the shower. But, yeah, I guess if you want to just nut on your own bedroom floor, that's cool, too.
I guess this is... That's why you've got to not move into your boyfriend's apartment and get your own new place.
Start fresh. Oh, babe, that's my nut carpet.
I do think there is something with like one in ten guys have this. Like I think everyone knows someone who knew someone who's like, this guy's gross.
Like he just likes to sit on the bed and just like go for distance. Boom, right in the corner.
You measure yourself. I'll never have to clean that.
You're trying to beat your record the next time. Oh, my God.
I ate pineapple last night, so I'm going to be shooting. I've got to scoot back on the carpet here a little bit.
That's a good way to get framed for a crime, too. You just leave your semen out.
Or it's a great way to be exonerated for a crime that you didn't commit. You just say, detective, go take two strands off my shag carpet on the right side of my bed, and I think we'll straighten this whole thing out one hey big cat pft and handsome hank i have a boyfriend of two months who i really like his parents invited me to their christmas activities but mine are set on not inviting him to ours how do i convince them to invite him and or how do i break the news to him without it hurting our relationship wait say it again he getting invited? She is getting invited to his Christmas events.
Her family does not want him at their Christmas events. Oh, he's the bad boy.
I think you say... Or it's just too early.
They're like, whoa, we don't want to accept our little girl has a serious relationship. With fucking deadbeat Kev.
I was going to say, just tell them that he might propose. In two months? Oh, that's how've been dating? Yes.
That is too early. Tell them that you're pregnant.
Well, the question is. And then they'll have to invite him.
He shouldn't feel. No.
How do I convince them to invite him? No. And or how do I break the news to him without hurting our relationship? Say, just talk down about how terrible your Christmas is with your family.
And be it's the worst We all have to get out and do like we play Pictionary for five hours Then we play a game of Risk And there's no alcohol involved And just do that over and over and over We all wear the same PJs You don't want to be there You don't like Pictionary? Not for five hours with your family Or you could just say that you're an italian family and it's gonna be seven kinds of fish or whatever the fuck they do

yeah and so then he'll be like yeah no thanks fish feast stay home and eat my turkey calamari part

is good oh absolutely but at some point like you get to like the sixth or seventh yeah there's not

a lot of fishes in the ocean the fifth fish you're like i think i i think you're fooling me and this

is the same kind of fish that i had on the second plate yeah isn't that weird saying like there's

so many fish in the ocean isn't there a finite number i mean i know we well like scientists

is I think you're fooling me, and this is the same kind of fish that I had on the second plate. Yeah, isn't that a weird saying, like, there's so many fish in the ocean?

Isn't there a finite number?

I mean, I know scientists always find those stupid fucking slugs. There aren't too much species.

Slugs in the bottom of the ocean.

I think we've only uncovered, like, 1% of the different species of fish.

No, we know all the fish.

It's the great unknown.

We all know.

You got tuna.

You got bass.

You got salmon.

Salmon. You got gefilte fish.
Stripe out. Gefilte fish.
You got.... You got salmon.
Salmon.

You got gefilte fish. Streipa.
Filtafish. You got...
Gruper. Yeah.
Halibut. Jeff Fisher.
Flounder. Red Snapper.
Red Snapper. Cod.
Derek Fisher. Derek Fisher.
Lobster. Tim Salmon.
That's not a... Okay.
We'll end the show here. Love you guys.
That's not a fish. That's not a fish.
I'm talking away. I don't know what to say.
I'll say it anyway. Today is my day to find you shying away.
I'll be coming for your love, okay Take on me Take on me Take me Take on me I'll be gone Take on. It's okay.
Stay up to me. It's better to be safe than sorry.
Take on me. Take on me.
Take me. Take me.
Take me. Take on.

All the things that they say is inevitable.

Just to play my worries away.

You're all the things I've got to remember.

You're shining away.