Blake Bortles, Eli’s Last Game + Patriots SpyGate 2

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Speaker 1 On today's part of my take, Eli Manning Swan Song. We recap Monday night football.
We talk Patriots filming the Bengals.

Speaker 1 We have hot seat cool throne. And one of our favorite guests of all time, Blake Bortles, is back.
Wikipedia Club is back.

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Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 let's go.

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Straight Avenue.

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Speaker 1 Welcome to Part of My Take presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now.
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Today is Wednesday, December 11th.

Speaker 1 Eli, I miss you, Eli. That was such an Eli game.
It was, it was as close to having your funeral while you're still alive as you could get for Eli because he had his wife there. He had Peyton there.

Speaker 1 He doesn't go to Philly, by the way.

Speaker 1 His wife pulled a Marlins man and said, That's the one place I will not travel is Philadelphia. And she said, you know what? For my sweet darling Eli's last game, I will be there.

Speaker 1 So Eli got to see all of his family, got to see how much we love him, how much we're going to miss him. And so now they just have to put him down like Oliver, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, and in the first half, whatever shot they gave Eli before the game, whatever HGH shot Peyton put in his ass before the game, it worked. His wife put in Eli's ass.
Well, Peyton's wife.

Speaker 1 Peyton's wife, yeah, put it in Eli's ass.

Speaker 1 He was good in the first half. And everyone was like, oh my God, Eli, two touchdowns, 170 yards.
And then it was back to self-sack Eli.

Speaker 1 And there was one where he, it actually looked like he was playing one-hand touch in the backyard for like a turkey bowl, where it's like you have various, you know, you have like a 50-year-old playing and a six-year-old playing.

Speaker 1 It's like, let's play one-hand touch, everyone take it slow. He had one of those self-sacks.
He had, yeah, where he dove off one foot. Yeah.

Speaker 1 To me, that looked like, that was the first time that I've ever really seen Eli in a game where when he falls down, when he gets tackled, it's like when you're watching your 55-year-old uncle fall down.

Speaker 1 Everyone's like, oh my God, is he okay? That looked really bad. Yeah, that's a hip.
Yeah, that's a hip. He's going to be out for the rest of the evening.
Yeah. Eli, he played well.

Speaker 1 I actually thought he had some zip on the ball in the second half, too. Yeah.
His receiver dropped that slant on the game-winning drive. Now, what sucks is now Eli is 116 and 117.

Speaker 1 So you got to play him again, right? 124 and 121 if you count the playoffs. Okay, yeah.
You got to play him again, though. You have to play him again.

Speaker 1 You got to give him a shot to get back to 117, 117.

Speaker 1 It was nice to see him out there the other side of the story.

Speaker 1 Did you have anything else about our sweet boys? No, I was just excited to see him. I was excited for the shots up in the suite.

Speaker 1 And you are right.

Speaker 1 You called that flea flicker. Yep.
Nailed it right off the bat.

Speaker 1 Booger had not his best game.

Speaker 1 That clip where he was explaining how the flea flicker was a bad call because the defense will stay back on third and long. And as he's saying it,

Speaker 1 every single defensive back bit as hard as possible on it. Well, that was, and he, Booger actually had to stop talking because he's like, oh, shit.

Speaker 1 I think what we're watching is totally different what I'm saying. In that circumstance, Booger was right.
Yeah. But he was also wrong.

Speaker 1 So he was right because for a normal quarterback, you wouldn't bite on that running play. For Pat Shermer coaching Eli Manning, you're like, yeah, he's probably going to hand the ball off.

Speaker 1 Like, if that's Freddie Kitchens and it's fourth and long, you will bite on a play action fake. The good news for Booger is after that mistake, he did have the clip where he said,

Speaker 1 this guy's probably thinking, how did he come inside me? So

Speaker 1 that kind of supplanted the other one. Twice.
Twice? Yeah. Yeah.
Double cream pie. Just try to figure that out, Boog.

Speaker 1 We're rooting for you, man. That was

Speaker 1 a good way to get the discussion moving on to the next topic. There are two ways you can do that.
One, unintentionally say, like, this guy just came inside this other guy twice.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the other way would be to just draw an accidental

Speaker 1 telestrator penis. Or fart.
Or fart. I don't think that we've had a telestrator penis this year.
Yeah. I think guys are probably

Speaker 1 wise to it. They know not to make that mistake.

Speaker 3 Yeah, when it's like the John Madden's, he's never had a lesson in telestrating. He just goes on the flow.

Speaker 3 But now people, the up-and-comers, probably get trained in how to not telestrate phallic offenses.

Speaker 1 I think also the people that are on the Telestrator right now grew up in a world where everything kind of looks like a dick on the telestrator.

Speaker 1 It's like a Rorschach test, the ink blot thing, where you see what you want to see.

Speaker 1 And after coming up, you know, the last 25 years, I'd say, of Telestrators being on these primetime games, people who are in the booth now have been trained to look for other guys to

Speaker 1 correct. So you were saying the other side of the ball, the Eagles, the season from hell for them, Lane Johnson goes down, Alshawn Jeffrey goes down.
They somehow win.

Speaker 1 This is the NFC East is just a test in our strength of how much we love football. Because that game started last night, and I was very excited for Eli Manning.

Speaker 1 Once we got about seven minutes in the first quarter, I'm like, wait, this game is fucking terrible. The Eagles are bad.
The Beast, the NFC Beast. The Giants are really bad.

Speaker 1 That's the narrative that needs to be put out there. It's the Beast is back.
They just beat up on each other, and so they're worn out by the time they play outside the division.

Speaker 1 Just four really good teams.

Speaker 1 It was tough watching the Eagles. Their wide receiver situation got down to the point where it was like Josh McCown was going to come in and play wide receiver.

Speaker 1 And Reggie Wayne even said that he was drunk at a bar right now and he could make the Eagles team. And I was like, yes, actually,

Speaker 1 100% you could. I'm surprised that Chad Ochosenko hasn't gone and tried out.
There were two big misses. Chad Otricenko didn't jump on this moment, and Fred X didn't chime in either.
Fred X?

Speaker 1 Freddie Mitchell, you can usually count on Freddie Mitchell to insert himself into whatever Eagles' wide receiver narrative is going on right now. True.
And I checked his Twitter.

Speaker 1 He hasn't tweeted in five days. Oh, no.
And Freddie is a guy that will show up around Philadelphia all the time. Someone check on Fred X.
We need the Otis Nixon ABP from last year.

Speaker 1 Let me know that Fred X is still alive. Yeah, T.O., too.
T.O., where are you at, man? Like, I feel like T.O. still thinks he can get out there and play.
So

Speaker 1 it's a bad situation for the Eagles. I still would probably take them to win the division because they have a home game against the Cowboys and they play the Redskins and they play the Giants.

Speaker 1 So it's the Cowboys sandwiched in between two of those games. Now you're saying to yourself, they just barely beat the Giants and they just lost to the Dolphins.

Speaker 1 So there is no sure win for the Eagles. But if you had to ask me right now to put money on it, I think I'd still take the Eagles as bad as they've looked.

Speaker 1 Now, can the Eagles make it at 6-10 or is it only the Cowboys?

Speaker 1 The Eagles, no, because I think the Eagles would have to win. They have to beat the Cowboys.
Okay. They have to beat the Cowboys, so they would have to then get their seventh win.

Speaker 1 But we could still get potentially the Cowboys in at 6-10? Yeah. That's what I'm hoping for.
That's what I want.

Speaker 1 And I want the Cowboys to win a home playoff game. No, because the Cowboys would have to win that game, too.
I think someone's going to have to get seven wins. I'm going to consult them.

Speaker 1 Someone's going to have to get seven.

Speaker 1 This is another thing where we've wasted so much time on on the NFC East. Not saying it's a bad thing.
It's just they've trapped us.

Speaker 1 We are trapped in the quagmire of the NFC East, thinking about it, watching it, talking about it. They've done it to us.

Speaker 1 It's the aristocrats. It is interesting, though.
It's an interesting situation that they found themselves in. And yeah, all the teams suck.
Everybody sucks in that division. Did you hear your guy,

Speaker 1 the new Greenie rule? that he threw out there? Maybe the only time Greeny's had a rule that made sense? Be careful, Chef. Okay, so

Speaker 1 he said,

Speaker 1 sorry, outside of the time, he said that he eats his grapes with a fork. That also makes sense because you don't want to squish them.
And what if there's a spider in them?

Speaker 1 You don't know anything about Greene.

Speaker 1 He doesn't eat his grapes with a fork and a knife. He eats his grapes in three bites.
Got it. So he bites one half, and then he eats the flesh out of the skin.
The beta rules get confusing.

Speaker 1 And then the chaser is the skin of the grape. Yeah, they get confusing.
So Greene said that

Speaker 1 they not reseed, but home field advantage should be by best record. Yeah.
So the Cowboys or the Eagles, whoever wins the NFC East, should not get a home playoff game. I actually disagree.

Speaker 1 It makes perfect sense, but why would you take away the stupidity? Like, there are some rules that are out there that make no logical sense that I like that they make no sense.

Speaker 1 Do you know what I mean? Like, I like the fact that the Eagles could win the division at 7-9 and host a playoff game simply because we get to sit here and say, that's not fair. It gives us fodder.

Speaker 1 It does give us something to talk about. Greenie's trying to take away

Speaker 1 the inequalities in the world when sometimes the inequalities is what gets us through shows. Now, didn't the Eagles play a playoff game against a 7-9 team at some point?

Speaker 1 I feel like maybe the Saints a couple years ago. The Saints did with the Beast Quake.
That was in Seattle. That was in Seattle.
I don't know who the Panthers went 7-9.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know who the Panthers did when they went 7-8-1. And Ron Rivera, and it's still so funny.

Speaker 1 Ron Rivera got in front of everyone and said, I want back-to-back-to-back division titles, just forgetting the fact that the third, the middle one was seven, eight, and one, where it was a comedy of errors to win that division.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 I like that

Speaker 1 it makes no sense. I like that if you win your division, you get a home playoff game, even if you're a terrible team.
It just seems like one of those rules I don't want changed.

Speaker 1 And you can tell me the opposite, and all the facts and logic stack up against me, but I'll just put up my hand and say, you know what? Sometimes life isn't fair. I kind of like it this way.

Speaker 1 I agree with the fact that it's more fair. It's more interesting.

Speaker 1 Not more interesting. It's more fair to give the home playoff games to the teams from the NFC West that are going to just be, you know, obviously able to pummel any team from the NFC East.

Speaker 1 But if there's a home game and the Cowboys win, like the Eagles win, now I could see the Eagles getting hot. They're always, to me, the Eagles are all...
I know they suck. I know they suck.

Speaker 1 I'm falling into the trap of what they've done the last two years. I agree with you.
But I could see them just going on a run right now. We do this all the time with teams because

Speaker 1 our brains can't adapt to change. And when a team does well, when a team wins a championship, we talk about it all the time with college football.

Speaker 1 When a team team changes their style of play, it's hard for us to adjust in the moment. So I'm watching that Eagles game last night and I'm thinking the same thing.

Speaker 1 Where the Super Bowl Eagles are going to come out at some point. It's the same guys.
It has to.

Speaker 1 Like they are eventually going to, everything's going to click and they're going to flip the switch and they're going to be great again. I also love Eagles fans just totally going in on fire Doug,

Speaker 1 Howie, Fire Wentz, fire everyone. Fire everyone.
In the third quarter, they were like, get Doug's ass out of Philadelphia. Grace period, nothing.
This guy cannot get it done. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it's like, no, Doug's probably going to stick around for a while. But then by the end of the game, they won.
Now Eagles fans are happy again. I love Eagles.
He's a statue.

Speaker 1 Doesn't Doug have a statue? Isn't it Foles and Doug Peterson? It's just his visor dipped in bronze. No, I think it is.
Isn't it the two of them calling Philly Philly?

Speaker 1 I'm I'm pretty sure that's what the statue is. There's a full statue of it already? I know Foles has a statue.
I just don't know if it's Doug Peterson and Foles standing outside.

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure it is. I don't think the state of Pennsylvania could stand taking down two statues of a head coach.
No, no.

Speaker 1 Jopaz's record should still count. 409.

Speaker 1 Yes, it is. It's Doug Peterson and Nick Foles.
They got a statue or a statue outside the stadium. That's forever.
Yeah. Tell you what, why don't you bring Foles back?

Speaker 1 I mean, you'll have that chance. You will have that chance.
I think a lot of Eagles fans would be into that, actually. Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1 Okay, so the other big news from the NFL: the Patriots have caught themselves in a little situation again.

Speaker 1 Now, for anyone who's living under a rock, it essentially goes like this: the Patriots have a documentary piece that they do. It's called Do Your Job.

Speaker 1 It gets into inside everyone's job inside the Patriots facility. So it will be the equipment manager, the tape guy.

Speaker 1 And apparently, they had an episode where it was about a scout and advanced scouting. So, they had an interview in Cleveland for the Bengals-Browns game.
And

Speaker 1 how the story goes is that they did the video for the do-your job, and then apparently, the videographer stayed there taping the Bengals sideline.

Speaker 3 Independent contractor.

Speaker 1 Independent contractor.

Speaker 1 And then, and then someone from the Bengals watched as he just taped the sideline for the whole first quarter. Then, when he was asked what was going on, he said,

Speaker 1 I would like to just, can we just delete the footage and forget this happened? Maybe my friend Mr. Washington or Mr.
Lincoln will change your mind. He slips him a nice Finski.

Speaker 1 Go our separate ways. I'm just, I'm shocked that they did to the Bengals.

Speaker 1 That's weird. Okay.
Now,

Speaker 1 that tells me if you're taping the Bengals, you're probably taping everyone.

Speaker 1 Well, all right, so Hank, do you want to defend or do you want me to throw out the theory that our good friend Adam Farone had earlier in the day, which I think is spot on? Which would you like first?

Speaker 1 You. theory first.
Okay, so Roan, who everyone knows is Angelo Palantoni on this show, had this theory, and I think it's spot on.

Speaker 1 He says that the Patriots do best when it is the Patriots versus the world. Of course.

Speaker 1 And this entire setup, the fact that it was so blatantly obvious, the fact that they are videotaping something that you can't even videotape because it's radio calls.

Speaker 1 He thinks that this was specifically ordered by Bill Belichick to have it become a controversy so that he can then reverse it and use it as a rallying cry. That's what I fixed the Patriots' problems.

Speaker 1 Yes, the theory is that Belichick wants people mad at him. I love it.
And he's sick of people saying that this is the worst team that he's had and while the offense can't get it done.

Speaker 1 Taping the Bengals would either be the dumbest thing that he's ever done or the smartest thing that he's ever done if he's trying to get some bulletin board material.

Speaker 1 But I don't even think they were doing it. I don't think they were doing anything wrong.

Speaker 1 I think they were doing it just to get some motivation at the end of the season in December and get maybe the narrative off of Tom Brady and the offensive line and the wide receivers.

Speaker 1 Hank, your thoughts?

Speaker 3 My other thoughts are clearly in the statement, they stated that it was an independent contractor, so it wasn't like a team employee.

Speaker 3 And as, you know, when you get hired as an independent contractor and you're done filming, but you're in the press box. You want to look busy.

Speaker 3 Like everyone, no one wants to be the guy that's like, what is that guy doing? He's just sitting with his thumb up his ass. We paid him.
He was doing it for fun.

Speaker 1 Got it.

Speaker 3 He is filming stuff just to be like, oh, oh, what is that guy doing? Oh, I'm filming. I'm doing my job.

Speaker 1 For his own

Speaker 1 private reel. Well, yes, he can show it later.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Right.
And he just didn't. He wanted to look busy.
He didn't want to look like he was doing nothing and he didn't realize the consequence of his actions.

Speaker 1 I like that because it's like Belichick has now discovered that by using independent contractors, he can get away with anything.

Speaker 1 It's like Uber, but for cheating, which is quite an innovation that he's not. Yeah,

Speaker 1 he's technically not an employee, so I can't be responsible if he gets drunk and runs somebody over.

Speaker 1 You know what? That's actually brilliant. It would be brilliant if this is the lengths that the Patriots and Ernie Adams were willing to go to.
Well,

Speaker 1 I'm going to sit here right now as a member of the media. Air quotes, not really.

Speaker 1 I will not engage. I will not give the fodder.
Because that's what he's looking for.

Speaker 1 I feel like that's what he's looking for people to go on get up and to go on first take and be like, the Patriots are cheaters, the Patriots are cheaters. Don't fall into that trap.

Speaker 1 Just say, who cares? Now, do you think that

Speaker 1 this was planned out specifically for the Bengals because they have a rookie head coach? No. That would take the bait? No, it's even better.
It's deeper than that.

Speaker 1 It's planned out for the Bengals because the Bengals are so bad. A lot of people are saying, why would you even have to tape the Bengals? And that's the point.

Speaker 1 If this was like the Ravens they were taping, then you would have to actually, like, media members would actually have to get themselves up in a lather and cry foul.

Speaker 1 I would also say that maybe this is a case of the videographer just being a pervert, just like trying to get upskirt shots,

Speaker 1 doing zoom-ins on the coach's asses on the sidelines. I think it's time that we have a conversation about

Speaker 1 cameramen respecting boundaries when they're not on the clock. He technically wasn't on the clock, right, Hank? Because he was finished with his interview that he did of the Advanced Scout.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, he had to film and get B-roll and stuff.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 3 you never want to, yeah, you never want to, you know, especially if you're an independent contractor.

Speaker 3 That's where it's like, you know, if it's something to shoot with you guys, I know what I need to do. I know what I need to get.
I have all that institutional knowledge. You do your job.

Speaker 3 When we hire outside contractors, they get extra stuff. They get extra B-roll because they don't necessarily know exactly what we need in the edit.

Speaker 3 So they're just making sure that they get more than enough so that they do their job well because they probably, you know, it's the Patriots. They want to do good for them.

Speaker 1 So this is a double whammy for you because as a Patriots fan, you're like, the Patriots didn't cheat. And as a member of the video

Speaker 1 community, you're like, hey, this guy is being unfairly criticized.

Speaker 3 I would like to see this footage as well, just to see any good reps.

Speaker 1 For the b-roll. Yeah, B-roll.

Speaker 1 For the B-roll. Exactly.

Speaker 1 interesting so this actually is a dilemma for roger goodell right now because goodell wishes that he did not have a copy of this tape goodell wishes does he have it well no he has it yeah he has

Speaker 1 no no crew immediately turned over all footage to the league and cooperated fully so it's don't start those narratives so goodell has it and the bengals have a copy too so goodell is in a bad bad situation here because he would like to just forget all this and and pretend that didn't happen but if he doesn't punish the patriots the first thing the Bengals are going to do, they're going to release that tape, and then Goodell is going to look bad.

Speaker 1 So this is a no-win situation for him. See, what I still don't fundamentally understand here is that it's not like they're calling in plays from the sideline.
It's radio. There are signals, though.

Speaker 1 But the plays are still coming from the radio. The plays are coming in, but you can tape, you can figure out what different adjustments that they make.

Speaker 1 But they don't make signals that way that they do like in college.

Speaker 1 They're still different. There's still hand signals, I'm told.
So this is. I got it.

Speaker 1 I don't know, it's weird, man.

Speaker 1 This is exactly what this time of year needed right now. This actually, this, and then a champion, it's a championship DVD.

Speaker 3 It's the same thing as the Dolphins last year. It's like the deflate gate.
You need, it is true that it helps, you know, bring all the Patriots together, whereas everyone's coming at us.

Speaker 3 They're calling us cheaters. Like, we need to go out and prove how good we are, and then we don't need any tape or any of that bullshit.

Speaker 1 Maybe, on top of all these theories, maybe it was actually Brady who ordered this just so that Mike Florio would stop writing Tom Brady's going to be the next Raiders

Speaker 1 quarterback or Tom Brady to the Chargers. So basically I haven't seen any of those headlines in the last two days.
Cool off Florio. Yeah, Florio's hot takes were 2%.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 get him on the legalities of taping people from the press box. Or maybe it was Brady that was doing this to frame Belichick so that Belichick would get fired because Brady and Belichick

Speaker 1 are sick of competing for who gets all the credit. Back to Seth Wickers.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Brady's sick of Belichick and all his winning ways.

Speaker 1 Several dull moment. That's all you got to say, though.

Speaker 1 Isn't it hypocritical that ESPN is publicizing these reports when they videotape coaches on the sidelines all the time? Interesting.

Speaker 1 During a game, half the shots are of the different coordinators being held back or doing signals. And wait,

Speaker 1 isn't there also a bunch of guys who worked at ESPN who then went back to the coaching ranks? Wouldn't John Gruden have all the access to the tapes that

Speaker 1 ESPN taped on Monday Night Football through the years? They didn't change his login when he quit? No, it's still Boob69. No, John Gruden definitely doesn't know how to use a computer.

Speaker 1 It's still Hooter's.

Speaker 3 Pass 123.

Speaker 1 Yeah. John Gruden's technology computer is just like he knows how to use the coach's clicker that's connected to an old school actual projector.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 John Gruden definitely does like password, like forgot your password, and then it says sent an email to, and it's like john69 at hotmail.com. It's like, fuck.

Speaker 1 I don't know what that, I don't even have access to that. Gruden definitely definitely emails memes to like 20 people instead of retweeting.
No, not emails. Forward's the emailed meme.

Speaker 1 Forward, forward, forward. Forward forward guy.

Speaker 1 All right, so that's that. I think it's all pretty much nothing.
I don't know. I can't get.

Speaker 1 I can't get myself worked up about this because it just doesn't.

Speaker 1 It doesn't feel. I've been.

Speaker 1 I went through the deflate gate stuff. I fought with Dave endlessly for about 100 rundowns straight.
I was like, this is just not something.

Speaker 1 Until we see the tapes, I don't think that there's anything else that we can say about it right now. Yeah.
So need to see those tapes. Also, never a dull moment.

Speaker 1 Patriots fans should just take it upon themselves. If you're going to a game and the Patriots are going to play that team next week, just bring your own phone, record.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Record the sideline and then send it to Belichick and Ernie Adams. Yeah.
I'm sure they have, what is it, Signal or whatever secure messaging system that reporters use? Telegram. Telegram.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Onion. Tour architecture.
Slack. Get in the Slack.
If you want to watch us, by the the way, we're on part of my take

Speaker 1 or sorry, barstowgold.com slash PMT, BarstowGold.com slash PMT. Let's do our hot seat cool thrones.
Hank, why don't you start?

Speaker 3 One of my hot seats, you can see this if you're watching Barcelon Gold, is

Speaker 1 good segue there.

Speaker 3 Me and we got so we got the bench press in. I was building it yesterday, and I was calling you.

Speaker 1 I.

Speaker 1 You got the bench press. You got me.
You got the bench press in design. I got the bench press.
Not me.

Speaker 3 Got the bench press. We.
I said we.

Speaker 1 Oh. Maybe.

Speaker 3 Me and Spider.

Speaker 1 Spider and I. Us.

Speaker 3 It's hard to put together, and I was calling the guy, Mobel, that sent us the bench press.

Speaker 3 They didn't send any instructions, and the guy who was my contact there has not been returning any calls, so it's like half set up, and unless this guy calls me back, I don't know that we're going to get set up.

Speaker 1 I kind of like it not being set up. It's like we have the bench press.
And then people are like, why do you have a bench press? Yeah, it's not set up. Don't worry about it.

Speaker 3 Yeah. That was one of my hot seats.
My other one.

Speaker 1 We'll just do it until we get a guest who's a handyman. It'd be like, hey, Rossillo.
First question. Do you know how to set up a bench press?

Speaker 1 If we just, yeah, trap Rosillo in the studio and lock him in here within 15 minutes, we'll be set up. Hey, absolutely.

Speaker 3 My other hot seat is Phil Rivers, is apparently not a humble guy whatsoever. So there was that mic'd-up clip.
We all saw it. We'll put the audio here.

Speaker 3 90-yard touchdown! 90-yard touchdown!

Speaker 1 Get the f out of here. Hey, 17.
You see, I ain't talking about that. Bring home.

Speaker 1 Bring home, Jim. Bring him home, Kevin.

Speaker 1 I should be excited. Yeah, yeah, but don't do that by my ear.
Don't do it by my ear. Don't do it by my ear.
I will do it by my ear. No, no, no.
Hey, Mussolini. That's what I do.
What's up?

Speaker 1 That's what I do. I hot at you after the game.
17, just keep talking.

Speaker 3 One of the funnier miced-up clips of all time. The guy was heated, like, stay humble.
And even the ref, that was like, get the fuck out of here. That was surprising, I thought.

Speaker 3 The ref would just like shoot him away.

Speaker 1 I thought the ref was saying, get that shit out of here. Yeah.
Because he was yelling in Gakwe's ear. He was just 90-yard touchdown.

Speaker 1 And then Phil's like, yeah, I'm just going to, I'll yell it. I can.

Speaker 3 The guy's like, stay humble. He's like, no, fuck you.

Speaker 1 I'm going yell yell at you. Not fuck you, but.
Listen, it was his birthday. It was his birthday.

Speaker 1 It's not, Phil Rivers doesn't have many games like this where he doesn't throw any interceptions and actually looks good. I love this.

Speaker 1 Phil Rivers, you can tell, too, because the fact that he was tattled on, when someone gets tattled on like that, you know that they're really annoying.

Speaker 1 You know, because it's like, I can't do anything. He's so annoying.
Phil Rivers is such an annoying winner. I have to tattle.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so what happened was he was like, he was telling the people on the side lines, he won't stop talking trash. Because Philip Rivers was like, I'm not going to stop yelling at you in your ear.

Speaker 1 That's what I do. That's right.
That's what I do. Such a great clip.
And again, all of the Phil Rivers mic double.

Speaker 1 It's so frustrating to have a guy just talking shit to your face when he's not cussing. Right.
You just want him to get metered.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you need a reason to punch him in the face.

Speaker 1 If he's just using words, he brings you to tattle. Yeah, it's so confusing because

Speaker 1 he's looking aggressive and you know he's like putting you down, but he's not actually saying anything mean to you. Right.
Like a golden retriever trying to like bite your leg. He said, What do I do?

Speaker 1 You're too cute. I can't

Speaker 1 do anything with this. But yeah, Philip Rivers was so great in that clip.

Speaker 1 And the fact that they had him mic'd up after the play was over, that makes me think back to Mason Rudolph when they told us, oh, sorry, NFL Films, we turn the mics off after the plays, so we don't have any of the audio from after the whistle blew.

Speaker 1 Although it was a 90-yard touchdown, so maybe that was still technically he was still running. But even, no, even when they were going off the field,

Speaker 1 touchdown if he was still well no I mean he knows where he is on the field and he probably know like can see that he's like got you know 20 yards left but yeah but he was going off the field Keenan Allen was doing pirouettes and then they had Ngakwe on the sidelines damn talking about so interesting Goodell.

Speaker 3 All right cool thrown this league Paul George was back in Indiana last night and they were booing him and then after the game they're like oh why you know does it affect wait why why are they booing Paul George?

Speaker 1 Yeah I know but they still they got old depot from that. Right.

Speaker 3 And so Paul George in his interview was like well, actually, one day I'm going to tell my side of the story and the person you're really booing is still here talking about like the management, the GM stuff.

Speaker 3 He didn't say what it was and he didn't give any details whatsoever, but he was like, oh, actually, you don't want to be booing me, Pacers fans.

Speaker 1 You want to be booing your, like, management. I want to say something, but I'm not going to say it.
Right. The worst, the worst argument ever.
That's what you usually say when you have nothing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, or you make something.

Speaker 1 Or you have something super, super mean that's just going to like ruin everyone's day. I don't know.

Speaker 1 I feel like that's the last that's the last thing that you you can say when you're totally beaten in an argument.

Speaker 1 It's like, well, I have something that could utterly destroy your argument, but I'm too nice, so I'm not going to say it. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Okay. And my other cool throne was just fantasy playoff bad beats.
I've seen a lot of them in the past few days. It's that time of year.
Damn. It all comes, all comes crumbling down.

Speaker 1 I was starting Josh McCown at wide receiver. Thoughts and prayers are going to get, I need, just need two yards.
Thoughts and prayers. By the way, we got the answer to the Dolphins kicker.

Speaker 1 Sanders is his name. Did he ruin anyone's fantasy league? There was one guy, but he stressed that the league he is in is AFC East plus Raiders only.

Speaker 1 What the fuck? Yep. This is him and three other friends

Speaker 1 you could ever imagine for a four-person league.

Speaker 3 Oh, because you need a fifth team for buys.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 and he won it, and he won it. So because of Sanders.
So there's your answer.

Speaker 3 Yeah, there's the, yeah, that makes sense.

Speaker 1 All right, PFT, what do you got? My hot seat is Sean Payton's butcher.

Speaker 1 So Sean Payton went to the grocery store, and his butcher was giving him shit about going for for two in the game.

Speaker 1 So he's like, Sean Payton was like, I told my butcher, you worry about running out of meat, I'll worry about coaching the football team. Classic.
Classic.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but the butcher obviously doesn't understand math. Right.
He doesn't know that if you go for two the first time, you actually increase your chances of winning. Always.

Speaker 1 This is like stuff that we learned a long time ago. Yeah.
Like

Speaker 1 last year. Either you're a math guy or you're not.
It's really that simple. Yeah, it gives you a higher probability to win.

Speaker 1 So he said, stick to groceries.

Speaker 1 That does mean. Well, that's what he said.
Yeah, no, I know. That's mean, though.
Like, I think a butcher, like, groceries is very, a butcher is very important. Like, you know,

Speaker 1 that's a high-level guy.

Speaker 1 He's got to cut the neck of the pigs and everything. Well, yeah, it's definitely a cutdown.
He's not your normal. He's not bagging groceries.
Yeah, I know, but it's just killing animals.

Speaker 1 Much more noble.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yes.
You know what? Saints fans should be one to talk because they were the ones that were putting paper or plastic bags over their faces for years and years and years. Saints.

Speaker 1 My cool throne is L'Avion Bell.

Speaker 1 So he didn't practice, or he didn't play on Sunday. Turns out that he was bowling, which is just a cool thing to do.
He had the flu, but he wasn't sick enough to not go bowling. Wow.

Speaker 1 Which you don't really need to be held.

Speaker 1 Well, I just thought about this. If you're bowling with the flu, your fingers are going in all those balls.
You're probably passing your germs around a little bit. Yep.

Speaker 1 So maybe Sam Darnold's going to come down with the flu after he makes out with another six.

Speaker 1 It was a bad optic, is what Adam Gace said. So not bad visual.
He said it's just a bad optic.

Speaker 1 I've had a word with Le'Veon. We've straightened it out, but he had a great time on Sunday with bowling.
Yeah. Bowling is always fun.

Speaker 1 Bowling is one of those underrated, fun things that you just don't do enough. And then when you do it, you're like, hey, that was fun.
We should do that again.

Speaker 1 Imagine how long it takes Le'Veon Bell to get up to the line to pull his bowling ball. It's bowling.
It takes nine steps. Bowling is the anti-golf where you leave, you're like, that was a lot of fun.

Speaker 1 I want to do that

Speaker 1 again. Yes.
Golf is the opposite. It's indoor golf that's easier for everybody.
Right, and you just have a good time. All right, my hot seat is, I forgot to mention this on Monday.

Speaker 1 It's Jim Nance's tie because I don't know if you guys saw this clip, but Gus Johnson gave his

Speaker 1 play-by-play sheet to J.K. Dobbins after the Big Ten championship game.
Signed. I did not know that.
Went up to him, like unsolicited, and said, hey, he was like, hey, young fella.

Speaker 1 I want to give you this. You can frame it.
He showed it to him. And it was very awkward because J.K.
Dobbins, while appreciative, walked off like, okay,

Speaker 1 that's something.

Speaker 1 So, Jim Nance, your tie is now on the hot seat. Gus Johnson is giving away these play sheets.
Jim Nance, step it up. Give away your underwear.
Yeah, I mean, that's stripped naked.

Speaker 1 Give away the picture in your wallet of the burnt toast. No, come on.
You don't want to do that. He probably has a bunch of those.
No, he's got one.

Speaker 1 And he's had it for 30 years.

Speaker 1 If he had a business card and it was just burnt toast.

Speaker 1 If Jim Nance ever lost that toast thing, he'd have to have probably five conversations with different different assistants trying to get them to print out the exact same picture.

Speaker 1 He's like, that's a different magazine that you're using.

Speaker 1 He'd have his assistant

Speaker 1 in the kitchen burning toast to various levels. To take pictures.
To try to take pictures. Listen, this was from the June 1979 Reader's Digest.
I need a copy of that. Yes.

Speaker 1 But yeah, so is J.K. Dobbins, is he a senior?

Speaker 1 He's a junior. But he's going to go to the pro.
So he's like, you know, next time I see you, he'll be on Sundays. Yeah, I just wish it was a true senior that he gave it to.
It would have been nice.

Speaker 1 All right, my other hot seat is Tom Ricketts, Cubs owner, because he's poor. So

Speaker 1 he missed the budget for Wrigley expansion by 100%, he said. So

Speaker 1 just

Speaker 1 hate it when these guys who have billions of dollars or hundreds of millions of dollars, when time comes to pay their really expensive players what they're worth, don't have the money.

Speaker 1 It's crazy how that always works. I love that he pulled out stadium expansion expenses like it was an unforeseen medical event.

Speaker 1 You or I would say, you know what, I'm going to be a little bit late on my rent this month. I had to go visit my mom.
Yeah. A tree fell through my roof.
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 I don't know what to do this year. Yeah, so all my budgets are off.
Sorry, is it okay if I just delay it for a couple weeks? He's like, Yeah, I had to spend a billion dollars on Sadie.

Speaker 1 It just kind of snuck up on it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, not only that, but I had to spend a billion dollars, which I will then make like a hundred billion dollars in the next hundred years because I'm gonna hold this team and give it to my kids.

Speaker 1 Damn, didn't see that one coming. Sorry, I had to put up a bunch of signs that were gonna block the rooftops of buildings where people used to watch my team play.

Speaker 1 It's one of those things you understand. It's brutal.
It's brutal. And we all got to balance our checkbook at the end of the month.
Damn, that payroll, it's tough.

Speaker 1 They don't have the flexibility that they thought they would have because of all this money that they're making. 100% over budget in construction really isn't that much over.

Speaker 1 If you ever sit down to estimate a construction project, no matter what it is, you got to immediately say, okay, triple it. And now that's my real budget.
Man, the worst.

Speaker 1 All right, my cool throne is sticking on baseball.

Speaker 1 Are you guys going to trade Rizzo? No, we're trade Chris Bryant is the word. Chris Bryant? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And everyone's, you know, what happens is whether they trade Chris Bryant or not, I do not want them to trade Chris Bryant.

Speaker 1 But what pisses me off more than anything is fans who are like, well, you got to trade Chris Bryant because we have no money. Like, don't buy that bullshit.
Don't buy that bullshit.

Speaker 1 Like, it's not just you can't trade, you can't sign Chris Bryant. You know, he's best friends with Bryce Harper.
It's true. No Phillies wanted to play.

Speaker 1 The Phillies are one of the teams that have been talked about. All right.

Speaker 1 Which would be just, that would suck. All right.
My cool throw on sticking on baseball, mystery team. Mystery team's back.
Yep. So John Heyman said

Speaker 1 for Garrett Cole,

Speaker 1 here

Speaker 1 there's a mystery team on Cole. Hard to imagine anyone thinks they are coming in late and outbidding the Yankees in two LA teams, even if one's in Anaheim.

Speaker 1 No idea the identity of said team, but that's why it's a mystery. So he explained the mystery team, too.
Whatever team it is, they better have a shitload of trash cans next to their clubhouse.

Speaker 1 Yes, that's it. That is what Garrett Cole is looking for in his new team.
I like that the mystery team always comes from John Heyman.

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure Scott Boris just has, like, he has a phone in his office and he picks it up. It's the mystery team phone.
He's like, John, do the mystery team tweet.

Speaker 1 We need to get a little more money out of the Yankees here. Gonna need a mystery team tweet.
It's a red phone like

Speaker 1 the nuclear phone in the Oval Office, except it's just got question marks all over it.

Speaker 1 Has the mystery team ever gotten the guy? No. So never.
If you root for the mystery team, that sucks. Well, if you root for the mystery team, you also never lose, though.
True.

Speaker 1 And you also don't know who you're rooting for ever. Right.
It's like the Airhead where you didn't know what flavor it was. It was raspberry.
It was stuck in a black hole. You think it was?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's definitely. The white raspberry one.
Damn, that was so, so cool. Yeah, there were some hot debates about the mystery flavor of airhead.
What goes on at these winter meetings?

Speaker 1 Because the best I can tell is it's just a bunch of old rich dudes that are drinking margaritas in a hotel lobby. Yep.

Speaker 1 And then at the end of the week, the one who is the most sober ends up actually making good transactions.

Speaker 1 So you know it. Okay, the winner meetings.
Yeah, yeah. Actually, that sounds fucking awesome.
No, it sounds awesome. They're in San Diego.
What are you going to say, Hank?

Speaker 3 You're talking about the white airhead. Yeah.
Yeah. Definitely not Raspberry.

Speaker 1 Yes, it was.

Speaker 1 Look it up. Google it, bitch.
Oh, whoa.

Speaker 1 Whoa, you dropped the B words. That's right.

Speaker 1 White airhead. I'll do it again.
Flavor.

Speaker 1 White airhead. It says the air each

Speaker 1 white cherry or white apple? White apple flavor. What is white apple?

Speaker 3 It turns out that Airhead's white mystery flavor is just the leftover flavorings that couldn't make a full batch.

Speaker 1 Oh, that sounds like.

Speaker 1 Retract the bitch. That sounds like will you please retract the bitch? No, I won't.

Speaker 3 It changes from bash to batch.

Speaker 1 So we're not, yeah, so the one I had.

Speaker 1 The one you had? The one I had was.

Speaker 1 Retract it. No.
Sir. I won't.
Retract the air. You're always going to get into the mystery team, bitch.
That sounds like a really good way to expand the brand.

Speaker 1 Mystery coach. Do mystery.
There's a. I'm hearing a mystery coach is going to sign with a mystery team.
It's always Jeff Fisher. And then you just have it.

Speaker 1 And then you just, whenever the next signing happens, boom, it happened. All right, let's get to our interviews.
What if it was like the pickup artist mystery? Ooh.

Speaker 1 I wonder what he's doing. I'm reading that book now.
It's that I can use the techniques on interviews. All time.
The game.

Speaker 1 Listen, mystery, say what you want about mystery, but the fact that he never got me too'd. Credit.
Yeah. Well, I think that would have been a

Speaker 1 his life was just an entire me too. Right, but it's just open about it.
It's true. He just wrote about it, so I guess that works.

Speaker 1 Before we get to our interview with Blake Bortles and the return of the Wikipedia club, a quick word from our friends, Ed V.

Speaker 1 Hey, it's PFT here, reminding you that Boarshead makes game day entertaining elevated and effortless.

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Speaker 1 My favorites like oven gold turkey or blazing buffalo-style chicken, paired with their classic Vermont cheddar or creamy Munster cheese are sure to score big and help me elevate my entertainment every time whether it's for a tailgate or a homegating celebration.

Speaker 1 Seriously guys, it's a game-changing flavor for every gathering. Boarshead, committed to craft since 1905.

Speaker 1 What's up guys, it's Big Cat here making my Irish entrance with proper number 12 Irish whiskey. How do you make an Irish entrance, you ask?

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Mix it up with some ginger ale for a classic and refreshing proper ginger.

Speaker 1 In the mood for something smooth but a little sweeter, try proper Irish apple, a delicious blend of proper's award-winning Irish whiskey with crisp, fresh notes of apple.

Speaker 1 So get out there and make your Irish entrance. Anything else just wouldn't be proper.
Okay, here he is, Blake Bortles.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on one of our favorite recurring guests is Blake Bortles, quarterback of the Los Angeles Rams, one of our best friends, runner-up for Blake of the Year.

Speaker 1 No, third place for Blake of the Year, 2019. Did not finish.
First place, 2018, Wikipedia Club member.

Speaker 1 Blake, before we do the Wikipedia, how's the season going? We've seen you. You've gotten in a couple times.

Speaker 4 It is, yeah. I've gotten my player performance reps are getting up there, so hopefully that'll account to a nice check at the end of the year.

Speaker 1 What does that mean?

Speaker 1 What does that mean?

Speaker 4 So it's like based off of how many plays you play and when you got drafted. So it's really meant for guys that went undrafted or got drafted late that end up playing a lot.

Speaker 4 Like they get, you know, per play, however much money. I have no idea how that is calculated, but they get a check at the end.

Speaker 4 So, you know, it's kind of the two or three plays I get when we're beating, when we're we're beating somebody pretty good, you know, who could come and maybe get $100 or so after the year.

Speaker 1 So, how many, how many more plays do you have to get in to hit your next level of bonus?

Speaker 4 Oh, I'd imagine I'd have to play a couple games worth probably. So, that's definitely out of the question.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. You never know.

Speaker 4 No, the season's going good. Yeah, season's going good.
We had a big one the other night against Seattle.

Speaker 4 And we got Dallas coming up. So it kind of feels like, you know, we're

Speaker 4 starting to play good football in December and hopefully getting rolling at the right time.

Speaker 1 Now, what about that catch you had on the sidelines? That was pretty spectacular a couple weeks ago where you looked like a tight end out there.

Speaker 4 I appreciate it. I mean, that is my natural position.
It's kind of funny because I knew I had got the earpiece in, so I can obviously, I hear the plays that Jared gets into his helmet from Sean.

Speaker 4 And like that play, I was like, so I moved down a little bit because I was like, if Jared doesn't like this, I actually had the thought.

Speaker 4 I was like, if he doesn't like it, he's just going to throw it over this guy's head. So I'll be standing right here for like my moment this year.

Speaker 1 That's right. That's right.
Sure enough. You're the primary receiver.
He didn't like it. Oh,

Speaker 4 he threw it over. It threw it right to me.
It worked out perfect.

Speaker 1 That's so beautiful.

Speaker 1 So you were just, I mean, like, that's something that everyone sees, and they're like, oh, that's random that Blake caught it. But you knew exactly where to be.
Six foul ball.

Speaker 4 Yeah, no, I actually like, I moved a good like 20 yards down the sideline to get right behind that route. I knew he was going to throw it over his head if he didn't like it.

Speaker 1 Fucking hey, that's so perfect.

Speaker 1 How's bald life going? Are you sticking with it?

Speaker 4 Yeah, yeah, it's going good.

Speaker 4 I get like, I do like the Hasgard like once a week or so, um, so it's going good, you know, it's just kind of like I've accepted it, you know, you own it because when you're balding, like people are like, dude, what are you doing?

Speaker 4 Like, you're still you're hanging on too long, or like you need to go get plugs, but when you shave it, it's just like, look, this is this is who I am, this is what I got,

Speaker 1 and uh, yeah, bald. Yeah, what about the Tesla? How's how's she running?

Speaker 4 Tesla's running beautifully. Um, I actually

Speaker 4 ran out of juice the other day

Speaker 4 pulling into my, so like I have the charger in my garage and like i like to test the boundaries with it sometimes just to see how far i can go on zero miles yeah and uh like this thing dies pulling into the garage so i actually i had a buddy with me so we had to get out and push it like six feet into the garage so the charger could reach it that's amazing so you you're you're just kind of a bad boy with the with the charge just seeing if you can really push the limits on this thing

Speaker 4 Yeah, yeah, you know, living dangerously in my Tesla.

Speaker 1 That is the most dangerous thing a Tesla owner can do, right? Because you don't even have to drive the car.

Speaker 1 Smoke weed on Alex Jones's show. Yeah.
And then your stock plummets. That's true.
You wait. So wait, Tesla, you actually aren't driving the car at all?

Speaker 4 No, so like you can't. I guess the new update,

Speaker 4 the one that's supposed to come out here pretty soon, will read stoplights and traffic signs or like stop signs and traffic lights because right now, like you put it on the highway, as long as there's dotted lines in the road, like you can sense all that, and the car's all around it.

Speaker 4 So it gets a little sketchy on back roads and stuff like that where it doesn't have a whole lot of things to kind of sense off of.

Speaker 1 Got it. Got it.
That's wild.

Speaker 1 How has the post-game handshakes worked for you this year? Have you been just going straight to the backup quarterback, or what's that like?

Speaker 4 Me and Jared actually had a conversation about this a week or so ago.

Speaker 4 It's kind of a weird dynamic because, like, as a starter, like, you know, you talk to a couple guys after the game, depending, you know, if you ended the game on the field taking a knee or trying to score at the end, you talk to the defensive guys right there, and then you always, you know, say, what's up to the other starting quarterback?

Speaker 4 But as the backup,

Speaker 4 it's kind of a free-for-all. You know, I find myself talking to kickers at times.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 really just all kinds of people.

Speaker 1 Is that a moment where you're like, damn, where's your life gone, Blake? Sitting here talking to a kicker. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah. You know, I mean, kickers are people, too.
So,

Speaker 4 I mean, they deserve good conversation. Like, I got to spend some time with Jason Myers after the Seattle game, who I was with in Jacksonville for a while.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 4 it's kind of funny. And then there's times, like, we were playing Baltimore when they beat the crap out of us the other night.

Speaker 4 And like walk out after the game because like when you're playing, even if you don't know anybody, like it's still kind of the respect thing of, hey, we just got done playing four quarters against each other.

Speaker 4 Good game, yada, yada. But like when you're coming off the bench in a clean jersey walking out there, like nobody's really looking to talk to you.

Speaker 4 So I walked out there and kind of realized, you know, once I got to the 50-yard line, I'm like, I don't know a single person on this team. So then just kind of hit a light jog to the locker room.

Speaker 1 Wait, so why don't you, every now and then, just maybe, you know, roll around in the grass a little bit, maybe get out there before the second half starts and field a couple of of the punts or something like that.

Speaker 4 Well, that's I try to do that pregame.

Speaker 4 I usually hit an up down or two in our pregame warm-ups to you know, and then it kind of throws it out it hurts me when we play on turf because then I get nothing. But

Speaker 4 yeah, I I try and get a little grass on my jerseys.

Speaker 1 Maybe maybe get on the bike too on the sidelines. Get on that just the hand part of the bike.
Just keep yourself loose a little bit. Get the sweat going.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I spit spend a lot of time behind the bench during T V time outs, you know, throwing water on my face and rubbing eye black on my jersey and stuff.

Speaker 1 What So we talked a couple weeks ago about Jeff Driscoll starting for the Lions. Now,

Speaker 1 I mentioned that he played you in your rival high school. You put it on them, huh? Can we get the real story about when you played Jeff Driscoll?

Speaker 4 Yeah, so I actually like pretty much grew up with Jeff.

Speaker 4 He moved into Oveito, I think he was like six or seven, and we kind of played baseball against each other growing up. And then he went to Haggerty, which was the, like, I went to Ovito.

Speaker 4 He went to Haggerty, kind of rivalry schools in the same town. And we beat him.

Speaker 4 We beat him pretty good. I want to say it's like 50-something to maybe 14 or 17, which was my senior year, his junior year.
And then the following year, his senior year, he blew up.

Speaker 4 I mean, he was putting up ridiculous numbers. I think was the number one rated quarterback coming out of high school and all that.
And I think he beat the crap out of us. But my last year there,

Speaker 4 we put it to Jeff definitely.

Speaker 1 The best part about when we talked about Jeff Driscoll and Blake Bortles playing in high school,

Speaker 1 you know, rivalry game is after we talked about it on part of my take, some random kid tweeted at me and was like, Hey, you didn't mention the fact that we didn't even run any of our real offense in the second half.

Speaker 1 We could have put up a hundred. And I sent it to Blake, and he's like, Yep, that guy was on the team.
He's right. We didn't run our offense.

Speaker 4 That kid, too, is his name's Kyle. He's incredible.

Speaker 4 He was pretty juiced up that you guys recognized his tweet.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah.
All right. Well, we are

Speaker 1 having our latest meeting of the Wikipedia Club. What did we talk about last time? It's been a long time.
I don't even remember.

Speaker 1 Balding?

Speaker 1 I do think of the Wikipedia Club every year, right around Thanksgiving time, when you wonder why isn't Thanksgiving the same day

Speaker 1 every year. So that always confuses us.
That was a real throwback three years ago when we couldn't figure out that it wasn't November 25th every year. Also, Hanukkah is coming really late this year.

Speaker 1 Hanukkah's coming late.

Speaker 1 Really threw me off, too, because I'm used to like, I feel like December 9th is when Hanukkah gets started usually. It's floats.
It's probably totally wrong. It floats.

Speaker 1 So yeah, we're going to do foot speed. We want to do foot speed because PFT, we were talking about it.
We're like, what should we do for Wikipedia Club?

Speaker 1 And PFT threw out the idea of, will there ever be, like, what's the fastest someone will ever run? And... Because a human body is only built to go so fast before it just breaks.
Right.

Speaker 1 So no one will ever run a hundred-yard dash in five seconds. Right.
In four seconds. So I'll just read the general topic.

Speaker 1 And I think this is going to be one of those ones where we click on a bunch of links and maybe go down a rabbit hole for this Wikipedia.

Speaker 1 But foot speed or sprint speed is the maximum speed at which a human can run.

Speaker 1 It is affected by many factors, varies greatly through the population, and is important in athletics and many sports such as football, rugby, American football, track and field, hockey, basketball, and baseball and basketball.

Speaker 1 I don't think it's

Speaker 1 or hockey. Yeah.
I mean, foot speed, I guess.

Speaker 3 Stealing bases? Blake?

Speaker 1 Yeah, stealing bases. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Blake, were you, when you were growing up, were you the fastest kid?

Speaker 4 No, God, no, never. Really?

Speaker 4 Yeah, yeah, no.

Speaker 4 I was never good at like running unless somebody was chasing me. Like, that was the only time I was able to run as fast as, like, if you watch.

Speaker 1 It's like Jerry Rice.

Speaker 4 Somebody sent me a thing the other day of me running the 40 at the combine, and it looked like

Speaker 4 what's his name, chasing shooter McGavin for Happy Gilmore's jacket. Like, it's just not a good look.
So just naturally running was never my thing.

Speaker 1 You're like my dog, Stella. She won't run at parks unless unless another dog chases her.
But she's smart.

Speaker 4 It's no fun just running by yourself. Conserve that energy.

Speaker 1 Right, exactly. What is what's the fastest 40 you've ever run?

Speaker 4 We had actually a defensive line coach at my high school that it was an older fella, so a little late, twitched, and partially blind, clocked me at a 4.6 one time.

Speaker 1 Oh my god, we're looking at the video right now. You have so much hair in your combine video.

Speaker 1 Wow. Oh, God.
This is.

Speaker 4 Yeah, that was a tough one.

Speaker 1 You're looking good. All right, here it goes.
And you're off.

Speaker 1 1, 1,000 2, 1,003, 1,004, 1,005, 1,000.

Speaker 1 And you're done.

Speaker 1 About five seconds. Hand-timed five.
Oh, man. You looked good.

Speaker 1 Your 10-yard split was 1.72.

Speaker 1 And then you slowed down a little, but that's okay. Not a speed guy.

Speaker 4 No, no, 10-yard increments only. The hammies locked up a bit after the 20-yard mark.

Speaker 1 The arms look good, too. I don't know if you did you get any curls in before you before you ran.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I hit a little push-up circuit before we started.

Speaker 1 I don't think this is mean, but you look like a different person with hair.

Speaker 1 Oh, and you also are already bald, and you can see it. I think you look better.
You get better shadow on the top of his head. I think you look better now, Blake.

Speaker 1 I do, too. You look more distinguished.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't think I wouldn't draft that guy. I would draft the guy right now.

Speaker 1 Who is the fastest guy you've ever played with?

Speaker 4 I think it's probably Brandon Cooks, a receiver we have out here in LA. And I actually trained with him for the combine.
We were training down in San Diego together and I thought he was fast in, but

Speaker 4 he's on a whole nother level of fast than like the definition of foot speed extremely quick.

Speaker 1 Do you, when you watch someone who's like super, super fast, are you just in awe? Because I

Speaker 1 NFL is one of those things where you don't really, until you're on the sideline and you see them moving, you're like, holy shit, these guys are enormous and they run so fast.

Speaker 4 no doubt yeah uh and then i mean especially what what lamar jackson's doing as a quarterback like every quarterback playing in the nfl wishes they had the ability to do what lamar can do on every single play so so getting a chance to watch that guy play in person was kind of like holy cow like if you thought you were fast or athletic in any way um you're definitely not compared to him i'd say there are two different types of foot speed here there's more of the slow twitch and there's the fast twitch which is what i would assume lamar jackson has but maybe you're a distance guy what's your what's your best best mile time?

Speaker 4 I ran cross-country in elementary school. I think I

Speaker 4 broke six minutes one time, maybe. Maybe seven.
I couldn't tell you, to be honest. Six and a half sounds good.

Speaker 1 You ran cross-country in elementary school?

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's crazy that Florida has.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 4 Our parents made us, I think, trying to be active. We were also maybe getting a little bit on the heavy end, so it was their way of making us exercise.

Speaker 1 What was young Blake Bordell's favorite

Speaker 1 afternoon snack when he gets home from school?

Speaker 4 I was a big Swiss Rolls guy you remember

Speaker 1 yes I had some of those on the way to the office on Sunday

Speaker 1 god they're incredible swiss rolls and uh what the zebra cakes oh was your house the the house like everyone knows the friend whose house like their parents would just get everything and it was like a convenience store

Speaker 4 We we always had good snacks and the fridge was always stocked with with Gatorade. So people robbed us every time we had friends over.

Speaker 1 Now that I'm thinking about it, I feel like every house in Florida is like that. Just zebra cakes and crushers.
Right, yeah.

Speaker 1 Like everyone knows the one house, but like Florida just has all the houses like that.

Speaker 4 Every house is just stocked. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just stocked with little Debbie's snacks and everything.

Speaker 1 It says the fastest that a human has ever run is 27.8 miles per hour. And that was

Speaker 1 between meters 60 and 80. See, I always assumed that like the 40 to 50 meter range would be the fastest.
But I guess his legs are so long and he's still picking up speed at that point.

Speaker 1 That's crazy fast. the it also

Speaker 1 it has animals here the domestic cat reaches 30 miles an hour i did not think that

Speaker 1 that's wild

Speaker 1 yeah fast switch muscles the the american quarter horse is 55 miles an hour the mongolian wild ass now i'm gonna click on this one right now yep gotta look 40 miles an hour mongolian wild ass i don't think that there was any reason to include that animal because it was it's just the house cat the cheetah and then they threw in the mongolian wild ass as the other animal here.

Speaker 1 The name is great, which is why it was included. Do you, Blake, when you watch guys, when you're like the coaching staff, do they preach speed constantly?

Speaker 1 Do they ever like get on guys like, hey, you're not fast anymore? That's going to suck if you're fast and you lose your speed.

Speaker 4 Right.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 4 I'm sure with guys that are getting a little bit older that maybe aren't as fast as they used to be, but it's kind of crazy listening to guys talk to like our receivers, you know, hearing Sean or the receiver's coach talk to them and you know talk about like hey you just got to hit another gear here and get up over the top of this guy and the guys are just like yeah no problem i got that right and they just take off and run faster so i mean the guys with the ability to do it are uh are unbelievably unbelievably impressive to watch but there's definitely a factor of getting old or you maybe being banged up and not being able to move like they used to when do you think that uh the fastest athletes reach their peak like does brandon cooks for example is he faster now than when he was training for the 40

Speaker 4 um i don't know I'd imagine everybody's probably different. Like I think like I'm faster now than I was when I was training for the combine.

Speaker 4 But I would say there's probably guys that are the opposite of that.

Speaker 4 Everybody's probably a little different.

Speaker 1 So maybe you put in some plays in the playbook where it's like you running the read option, you doing the Lamar Jackson type of offense because you were drafted essentially to play a different style of quarterback and what you're equipped to do right now.

Speaker 4 Exactly. And I don't know if you caught this or not, but we tried a little something like that against Pittsburgh and it did not go well.

Speaker 1 I did see that, yeah. But you are the Pittsburgh killer,

Speaker 4 right? Right, yeah. I've had some good games against Pittsburgh, but unfortunately, they got us this year.

Speaker 4 So we tried to run out there with a little zone read option type deal, and it was kind of a botched job.

Speaker 1 So you did fumble, though.

Speaker 4 No, it didn't fumble, but that package probably got shelved for a little bit.

Speaker 1 I don't know why I have never brought this up and why I have never asked you this, but it just popped in my head randomly, and I need the answer, and we could do the rest of the entire podcast on this.

Speaker 1 You played in the inaugural civil conflict. How have we never talked about that?

Speaker 4 No, the USF UCF game?

Speaker 1 No, the UConn UCF game.

Speaker 4 Oh, that's what that is called. Oh, yeah, the USF went to war on I-4.
What do they call it?

Speaker 1 Civil conflict. Bob Diacchio from UConn just made up a rivalry trophy, and then you guys just didn't acknowledge it and left it on the sideline.

Speaker 4 Yeah, that was the, I was gone when they did that, but I remember we played them because that was the first year of the American Athletic Conference, which was the old Big East. Yeah.

Speaker 4 And at that, I'm not sure how they are now, but at that time, UConn was

Speaker 4 not very good.

Speaker 1 No, they're bad now. I don't know.
Yeah. Are they still? Yeah, yeah.
You beat them 62 to 17. Now, was that, so when they, you don't remember at all, was it truly like they didn't even tell you that,

Speaker 1 like, hey, this is a rivalry game? Like, did Coach O'Leary, was he like, hey, guys, I don't know if you heard, but we're in a rivalry now?

Speaker 4 No, no, we had, we had no idea that that was a rivalry game or we were playing for a trophy. We just thought it was another game.

Speaker 1 You didn't have a clock in your locker room that counted down the minutes until that game?

Speaker 4 No, no, we missed out on that one.

Speaker 1 The famous quote from Bob Diacchio was the UCF, they don't get to say whether they are our rival or not. And then the New York Post said that it was the worst rivalry in sports history.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I think there has to be some sort of agreement when two teams want to become a rivalry, like equal hate or whatever. No.
Needed to form that.

Speaker 1 Disagree. But apparently not.
Yeah. Who would you say? I don't think so.

Speaker 1 No, I think if you say, like, hey, we're rivals now, and especially because they made it, it was genius because it was civil conflict.

Speaker 1 And if you've never seen it, but it's conflict with the FL capitalized and the CT capitalized, so Florida, Connecticut.

Speaker 4 Right, makes total sense.

Speaker 1 Yeah. See, what's interesting about rivalries is I don't know if this was the case for you, Blake, but back in the day, sometimes we would settle our beef via a foot race.

Speaker 1 Did you ever do that in Elementary School? Ooh, we'd tie it back in.

Speaker 4 Yeah,

Speaker 4 that was a

Speaker 4 big thing on the playground.

Speaker 4 Whoever won the race won the argument. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Didn't win a whole lot of those. We got to bring that back.

Speaker 1 Instead of fighting each other, hey, kids, don't bring a gun to school. Just race your rival.
I can't believe that you weren't the fat. Like, you're a pro athlete.
You weren't the fastest kid ever?

Speaker 4 No, no, not at all.

Speaker 4 I was always, like, I was average. Like, I was middle of the road.

Speaker 4 I was always a little bit taller than the rest of the kids, but like, I don't know. I was never the fastest, never the slowest.
I was somewhere in the middle.

Speaker 1 Okay. Same.
Damn.

Speaker 1 All right. Anything else we got on foot speed or civil conflict or Blake? Any questions or anything that we want to bring up?

Speaker 1 Has anyone in the victory formation or not the victory formation, the meeting in the middle of the field, has anyone brought up your

Speaker 1 terrible performance in Blake of the Year?

Speaker 4 Yeah, I get a lot more chirps from the crowd. There was actually a guy last week

Speaker 4 on the field when we were warming up pregame that had a Pardon My Take shirt on, just yelling Blake of the Year.

Speaker 4 So there's like, I mean, he's 15 feet away from me, and I'm warming up with Jared, and he's just screaming Blake of the Year at me.

Speaker 4 No,

Speaker 4 there's been people that yell at me usually from the crowd, a couple guys, a couple guys.

Speaker 4 Actually, when we were in Pittsburgh, not a pardon my take or Blake of the Year thing, but like I walked over after we got done warming up up, and Ben Rothensberger was standing at the 50-yard line, and we got the same agent.

Speaker 4 You know, I've known him for a while. And take my helmet off, you know, kind of just to say hello and shake his hand.
And, like, just the look on his face, he just goes, Where'd your hair go?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 4 I don't know if you've noticed it or not, but it's been going for a while, so now it's just gone.

Speaker 1 No, he thought you did a witchcraft. Yeah, Ben doesn't understand haircuts.
I don't know if you've seen his face recently, but he just

Speaker 1 doesn't know what clippers are. Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 All right, anything else? Where you got PFTA? Just like I, hypothetically, what do you think is the fastest that a human will ever be able to run? Ooh.

Speaker 4 Dude, I don't know. I feel like, because, I mean,

Speaker 4 how low is the 40-yard dash record going to go?

Speaker 4 Like, there's no way anybody's ever going to break four seconds.

Speaker 4 I don't know. I guess maybe high 4-1.
Like, if you're saying Bolt had to run a 40, but that's not really his specialty. He's more of like the back end of the 100 guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah. U.S.
Rugby has a couple guys, Carlin Isles and Perry Baker, that could probably do like 4-1

Speaker 1 for 3-9-9. It's also, PFT brought this up before, but like the fastball, too.
Like, how fast is the fastest fastball going to be thrown?

Speaker 4 Right. Yeah, exactly.
I don't know. But I wish I could throw one like Strasburg.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, nice.
That's a topical reference. Way to go.

Speaker 1 Nat for life. How fast could you throw a fastball?

Speaker 4 I could throw, like, I had an issue. I could throw it hard, but I could only throw it hard like a couple times.
And then my arm didn't feel so good. Throwing a baseball.

Speaker 4 I think I threw it maybe like 92 was the fastest I ever threw a ball.

Speaker 1 It's still really fast, yeah. Damn.

Speaker 4 But yeah, it was one and done. That was all I had, and then it was all knuckleballs after that.

Speaker 3 That'll still get you drafted in like the 60th round.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Like the A's will take a flyer on you.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 And there's like shit. Just show a little potential.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
If you were from Southern California, you'd maybe even get drafted in like the 28th round.

Speaker 4 If you just, you know. Right.

Speaker 4 They love those Southern California pitchers.

Speaker 1 Ooh.

Speaker 4 Yeah, no, I was definitely more of a bullpen catcher guy.

Speaker 1 Have you seen the new stadium yet?

Speaker 4 Not in person. Well, Well, I mean, I've seen it like flying over, like flying into LAX, and then obviously pictures and videos of it, but I have not seen it in person.
It looks pretty awesome, though.

Speaker 1 Is that where your training facility is going to be?

Speaker 4 No, it's going to be separate.

Speaker 4 I think they're actually still trying to figure out where they're going to put the facility because it's not going to be at the stadium, I don't believe.

Speaker 1 Ah, interesting.

Speaker 1 All right, last question for me. Seeki question, promo code take.
Put in promo code take. You get $10 off.

Speaker 1 Are you going to be, well, maybe the Rams will be in the Super Bowl, but if they're not, will you be be in Miami for Rough and Rowdy?

Speaker 4 Are you guys doing a Super Bowl week?

Speaker 1 Yep, Stu Feiner's going to fight.

Speaker 1 Who is that? Oh, damn. That's going to be the best gambler in the history of the world.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we're going to do it Friday night like we did last year. Are you going to be there?

Speaker 4 Yeah, there's a chance. I mean, a rough and rowdy event in Miami at the Super Bowl sounds like a good time.

Speaker 1 Are you not winning one of those awards this year?

Speaker 4 No, the man of the year thing.

Speaker 1 I don't think it's a one-and-done deal but no i probably uh will not win that this year so we'll see have to figure it out we got to create like a charity last minute yeah and just you can pledge your money to you can that would be actually a good resume thing for you blake portals this year has pledged a hundred million dollars to the pmt charity fund right and then we put an asterisk under it and be like uh dependent on how many snaps he has and that how big that check is at the end of the year and also the pmt charity fund is right just us yeah it's us

Speaker 4 just a check to your personal bank account. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, wait, last question. We're staring at our bench press right now.
We have it in our studio. What do you bench?

Speaker 1 Oh, man.

Speaker 4 I couldn't tell you. I haven't benched press in

Speaker 4 six years probably since I left college. Yeah, I can maybe do 185 one time.

Speaker 1 You don't even lift anymore? Sam.

Speaker 4 No, more of a more of a double. Well, I mean, kind of once you leave college, it's like, you know, no quarterbacks really bench.

Speaker 4 You know, I guess after after Brady Quinn did 26 reps or whatever, he did a combat kind of just stopped doing it. So that guy shut down.
What are you guys benching?

Speaker 1 Don't know yet.

Speaker 1 I haven't done max in a while. They don't have enough weights at the time.
We'll find out once we get this thing set up.

Speaker 1 The dumbbells only go up to 120 each.

Speaker 1 Bench is a real thing. Like, if you don't bench, you can't really bench heavy weights.
So I haven't benched in a while. So as soon as I get back on it, I'm sure it will come back to me.

Speaker 4 It's a real bench, too. It's not like a Boflex or one of those things.

Speaker 1 No, it's a real bench. It's just a a real bench.
What do you got against Boflex, dude?

Speaker 4 Oh, nothing. I was just trying to figure out what kind of equipment you guys got.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's real. We got some equipment.
It's huge. I'll show you this equipment.
Big-ass weights. You don't want this.
The Iron Dungeons. I can't wait to see it.

Speaker 4 You guys need to have some sort of Office Olympics in there.

Speaker 1 Just in our studio.

Speaker 4 Yeah, an Office Pro Day. You bust out the 510.5, the 40, the Verd, the bench, and see who's the specimen of the office.

Speaker 1 The Wonderlick. I like that.
I like that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the the Wonderlick. What did you get on the Wonderlick, Blake?

Speaker 4 I think I got a 30.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 I mean, I knew you would.

Speaker 1 I knew you would. Yeah, I knew you would.
Really? Only a 30?

Speaker 1 You didn't think so? Yeah.

Speaker 4 No.

Speaker 4 So we get scouting reports every week of obvious who we're playing, the defense, and like the personnels.

Speaker 4 And we just figured out the other day, there's always like it says, you know, their name, their number, where they went to school, when they got drafted, all that kind of the info.

Speaker 4 And there's always like this random, they're 40 times. There's always this random number on there.

Speaker 4 And we've been trying trying to figure out what it is, and we actually just found out the other day it's their Wonderlick score.

Speaker 4 So now we just go through, we go through each scouting report and try and find out who's got the lowest Wonderlick score and

Speaker 4 see if that's something we could say to them.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 that is good. Yes, I like that a lot.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, Blake, thank you so much for your time.
Appreciate it. Appreciate you always doing the Wikipedia Club.
Hopefully, we see you soon. It's been too long, man.

Speaker 4 It has.

Speaker 4 Thanks for having me. Enjoy talking to you guys.

Speaker 1 All right. Love you, Blake.
All right. Say I love you.
Love you. Love you.

Speaker 4 Love you. Love you.

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Speaker 1 Okay, let's get to some segments. First up, we have a very important announcement.

Speaker 1 Tomorrow night, Thursday, halftime of Thursday Night Football, Ravens Jets, we have the second annual Low Man's Trophy Award. Low Man's Trophy.
Low Man, and PFT is going to give us the finalists.

Speaker 1 Yes, so the Low Man Trophy, you guys know it. It's the collegiate award for the nation's best fullback.
And the finalists are Drummond.

Speaker 1 Tori Carter from LSU. Woo! Suspended first.

Speaker 1 That's fine. Yeah.
We'll get in the second. Okay.

Speaker 1 John

Speaker 1 Chennaul, Wisconsin.

Speaker 1 Good.

Speaker 1 Connor Slomka. Who was that? Army.
I'm doing a drum roll.

Speaker 1 Hank, you want to do a drum roll? I'm too lazy to actually drum roll. We got to start this over again.

Speaker 1 I need more theatrics out of you, Hank.

Speaker 1 We'll pump it in. Okay, we'll pump it in later.

Speaker 1 John Chenaw from from Wisconsin. Yes.

Speaker 1 Connor Slomka from Army. Awesome.
Ben Mason from Michigan. Award winner.
Returning champion. Yeah.
Would be the first back-to-back winner in the history of the award. Against Wisconsin.

Speaker 1 Brady Ross, Iowa. Yes.

Speaker 1 That's just a fullback name. Did it? Brady Ross.

Speaker 1 Iowa.

Speaker 1 Jeremiah Hall.

Speaker 1 From Oklahoma. Nice.

Speaker 1 And Mason Stoke, also from Wisconsin.

Speaker 1 So we've got two.

Speaker 1 We have two Wisconsin fullbacks nominated. That's a first in the history of the award.
Nice. We've got a returning champion.
Yep. Torre Carter was a finalist last year as well.
So was Connor Slomka.

Speaker 1 Brady Ross, if you've ever seen a picture of him, he looks like the

Speaker 1 technician.

Speaker 1 Brady Ross.

Speaker 1 So I'm very excited about this. So halftime Thursday Night Football, we've got an award ceremony set up ready to go featuring a very special presenter.
Nice. Who shall remain nameless.

Speaker 1 And we also will have Pigs in the Blanket again. Yeah, and we got to build the trophy.
Yeah, we have to rebuild the trophy. Rebuild the trophy, which is going to be fun.

Speaker 1 And I'm happy that we have two Wisconsin guys there because the Heisman Trophy just completely never inviting Jonathan Taylor is a travesty.

Speaker 1 But whatever.

Speaker 1 Next up, we have bad visual for Lane Kiffin, Ole Miss.

Speaker 1 So there was a picture of Lane Kiffen. He is now the head coach of Ole Miss.

Speaker 1 Lane Kiffen has not skipped any meals in the last couple years.

Speaker 1 Lane Kiffin.

Speaker 1 The salads.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's not skipping any salads. No, he moves the salad course off to the side.
Lane Kiffin looks with the visor and the fact that

Speaker 1 his cheeks and his neck are no longer, like his cheeks have enlarged and his neck is no longer there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, the way that the visor is set up, he needs to switch to a baseball cap because the visor, it acts like a belt on the head almost. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Where it pushes some of the fat above it and then some of the fat below it. So you get like a pear-shaped thing going on with the head.

Speaker 1 I was saying that he looked like a guy who invites you on his pontoon and calls it the poontoon and then you know everyone's got a mai tie in their hand right away like my famous my tie and there's maybe some females on there like is that is that his daughter is that his girlfriend we don't know but it's the pontoon and the motorboating crew yeah and then he you know hops in this chevy after and and goes on home day drinking so he's not he can't get a dui he does look like he's bright red like he looks like he's day drunk day drunk constantly he's got that nice glow to him him he's got he looks like he's leonard skinnyard's accountant like he spends a lot of time outside but and he likes to party but he also has a very nice home right uh can be organized when he has a great has a has an extremely detail-oriented assistant that takes care of things for him sick he has a sick bar in his basement and then also like a mini bar upstairs so he's never more than like 30 feet away from a bar.

Speaker 1 He's a man of leisure. Yes.
It looks like Kenny Chesney's cowboy hat had one wish to become a real boy. Yes.
Yeah. So Lane Kiffen, good visual, bad visual.
I mean, it's a great visual for Ole Miss.

Speaker 1 Yeah. He looks like an Ole Miss coach right now.
Yeah, he absolutely does. He's fit every stereotype.
So it's good to have him back in a major program.

Speaker 1 It's like he's been holding a burner phone up to his face, and it's just scalded the shit out of him.

Speaker 1 I'm just so excited for Lane Kiffin to get that 330 game on CBS and just get absolutely shit pumped by Alabama and just watch him be mad. He's also cosplaying as Ben Rothsberger.
Yes, yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, he's been doing that for few while, but it's really coming into shape. And now that Ben has been injured for a little bit, Ben is cosplaying as Lane Kiffen as well.

Speaker 1 You're like in a race to try to look as much like the other guy as possible. Yes.
I just want to say, I love the SEC. I love the SEC.

Speaker 1 It's like ballet for people in the South. When you look at the different coaches that they have, like a soap opera.

Speaker 1 You got Coach O, you've got Lane Kiffen. You got Nick Sabin.

Speaker 1 You've got probably the most normal coach in that entire conference is the one that lets his wife make out with all the players when they get off a bus. Yes.
You've got the new Arkansas head coach.

Speaker 1 Sam Pitt McMullen. Have you seen the Arkansas coach?

Speaker 1 He looks like Joe Pesci on steroids. Sam Pittman is who you're talking about.
He's the Georgia O-line coach.

Speaker 1 That is a panic hire for Arkansas. No.
I think that they are. I think that screams Suey.
I saw his face. I was like, that's not a head coach.
That's not a head coach. Look up pictures.

Speaker 1 We'll have to tweet out. I've seen pictures

Speaker 1 of Arkansas's head coach. Yeah.
I think it's a perfect fit for Arkansas football. It was a pan attack because they wanted Lane, and they're like, tell you what, we're going to get the guy.

Speaker 1 We can't get Lane, but we can get the guy that looks like he was Lane Kiffin's high school principal that suspended him a bunch of times. Yeah,

Speaker 1 he is the

Speaker 1 bad teacher from an 80s movie.

Speaker 1 That's who he is. So, yeah, Sam Pittman, I think, is his name.
Man,

Speaker 1 I just love the SEC series. It's great.
It's a great character, guys.

Speaker 1 All right, let's finish up with Guys on Chicks. Hank, what do you got?

Speaker 3 My husband and I live in Los Angeles. He's a huge Lions fan who has never been to a Lions game.
For Christmas, I'm buying us tickets to fly out to Detroit for the Lions Packers game.

Speaker 3 Even with as bad as the Lions have been this year, is this a good move?

Speaker 1 No, no. You want to stay.

Speaker 1 It's super easy to be. Never been to a game.
You know how easy it would be to be a Lions fan in Los Angeles? It's like playing a video game on rookie mode. It's fine.
They lose. You walk outside.

Speaker 1 It's 70 degrees. Unless there's a bad traffic jam on the 405, 405, then you have an afternoon where you can be happy if you want to.

Speaker 1 If you're a Lions fan in Detroit and you lose, you still have to walk outside. Just

Speaker 1 wait until next year. They're going to play the Cardinals again, right?

Speaker 1 Go to a game in Phoenix or go to a game that they can win or tie. But yeah, if you're a Lions fan and you're taking your husband to his first Lions game ever.
In Detroit.

Speaker 1 You have to do it in September when there's still hope.

Speaker 1 Here's a better Christmas present for a Lions fan. Just a sick throwback Barry Sanders jersey.
Yeah. There you go.
Like a real

Speaker 1 top-of-the-line Barry Sanders. Season tickets to the Rams.

Speaker 1 Get him a blacklight picture of Jim Caldwell. Oh, man.
That's brutal.

Speaker 3 I heard the Guys on Chicks episode where a girl asked why her boyfriend locks the door when he poops.

Speaker 3 When I heard that, I realized mine does too, except never would I ever even attempt to barge in on him.

Speaker 3 I agreed with y'all in the sense that I don't want to know what the fuck is happening in there, and I don't, and I want to steer far away from it.

Speaker 3 However, my problem problem is whenever I have to go to the bathroom, even just to pee, he always barges in on me.

Speaker 3 Sometimes he will knock one time, I say, hold on, and he continues to still enter anyway.

Speaker 3 Why is it such a double standard where I'm not allowed to do this, nor I want to, and he's in there, but he wants to when I'm peeing? Is it my fault for not locking the door too, like he does?

Speaker 3 I thought there was an unwritten rule of respect when it comes to a closed bathroom door in your own house and not having to take the extra step to lock it.

Speaker 1 Thanks. He might have a fetish.
He might just be into watching you pee. Yeah.
He's the pee girl fetish. Either that or he's just, he's probably just making sure that you're safe.
Yeah, that's not.

Speaker 1 You don't fall in. You got to lock.
You got to get Deadbolt. I don't know.
People barging in. That's a big.
That will ruin a relationship very quickly.

Speaker 1 The one way that you could stop him is if he walks in, you just start unloading a giant crap. He'll never do it again.
Oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 Not again. Yeah,

Speaker 1 sorry, babe. I got this thing.
Whenever I hear a door open, it just makes me shit. Sorry, I had brisket last night, honey.

Speaker 1 Ooh, that's a good idea.

Speaker 1 What? Brisket. In front of each other? Oh, okay, yeah.
For dinner.

Speaker 3 My boyfriend only talks in baby talk, and he wants me to talk like that, too, especially when we hook up. What do I do?

Speaker 3 Also, I have a 62-year-old sugar daddy that pays me to talk to him every night online. What? Is that weird?

Speaker 1 I'm also scared. Curveball.
Curveball. I think it's totally normal to just do some hot chat room action with a 62-year-old.
Listen, do whatever you want online if you're getting paid for it.

Speaker 1 I think as long as you give a portion of that money without him knowing to your boyfriend, like you know whether it be date night whatever it is as long as he gets us kickback again he doesn't have to know a silent kickback i think it's okay i'm also baby talk the baby talk is that's weird have them watch the seinfeld smoopy episode they're probably too young to even watch seinfeld but that will make you stop doing baby talk forever

Speaker 1 it's a i don't know the whole act of getting paid to like sex to a 62-year-old that's that's a little strange to me i think that he would probably find that weird if he uncovered your chat logs or whatever.

Speaker 1 So, just hide your tracks very carefully. Yes, big time.

Speaker 3 Hey, guys. So, I had a dream last night that I went on a date with PFT.
I was so confused when I woke up this morning. He was shirtless and wearing goggles, and I recall having a great time.

Speaker 3 Is it wrong to have dreams about other men/slash women when you're in a happy relationship? Or does that mean subconsciously I'm not as happy as everything seems?

Speaker 1 No, listen, should I feel guilty when you tune into the Peloton halftime show and I got the quads going and I've got my goggles on and the wind's blowing through my hair.

Speaker 3 I turned on.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. The questions are open.
Yeah, I opened the floor for questions. I duck in here.
You got to say.

Speaker 1 You got to say I opened the floor for questions.

Speaker 1 It's totally natural. It's just like, you know, that's when women see an alpha male like that on a Peloton.
They can't help but have these dreams. Yeah.
Your dreams are your dreams.

Speaker 1 Good thing about your dreams, you don't have to tell anyone about the dreams because that's the most boring conversation ever.

Speaker 1 Hey, boys. Fantasy teams.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Fantasy Football Factory, subscribe and iTunes. Only two more episodes.
Hey, boys. Forever?

Speaker 3 This season.

Speaker 1 Are you going to bring a new season?

Speaker 3 Yeah, we're going to mix it up a lot.

Speaker 1 Oh, we'll see. Tell us what we're doing.
Big things coming.

Speaker 3 If you tune into

Speaker 3 Thursday's episode, all information will be there.

Speaker 1 Are you going to do fantasy rugby?

Speaker 3 Nope. Is that a thing? That can't be.
I don't know. There's no way.

Speaker 1 Please, God, please. Fantasy mascot.

Speaker 3 Hey, boys, especially can't get it up. Hank.
People don't forget.

Speaker 3 I've been dating my boyfriend for three years now, and we recently moved in together.

Speaker 3 I was vacuuming our bedroom and stepped on the carpet by his side of the bed, and it felt really rough and different from the rest of the carpet throughout the bedroom.

Speaker 3 I asked him what happened, and he couldn't give me a straight answer that made any sense. I kept asking him, and eventually, he got the truth.
Eventually, he got the truth.

Speaker 3 He told me it's his jerk-off spot, and that all guys have a part of the house where they jerk off and just leave it. Is this true?

Speaker 3 Do all guys really just jerk off onto the floor and claim a spot like dogs?

Speaker 1 Or is my boyfriend a crazy person? Please help. Yeah, no, it's true.
You caught us.

Speaker 1 I do say it's usually the shower, but yeah, I guess if you want to just nut on your own bedroom floor, that's cool, too. I think this is.

Speaker 1 You know, you got to not move into your boyfriend's apartment and get your own new place. Start fresh.
Oh, babe, that's my nut carpet.

Speaker 1 I do think there is something with like one in ten guys have this. Like, I think everyone knows someone who knew someone who's like, this guy's gross.

Speaker 3 Like, he just likes to sit on the bed and just like for distance.

Speaker 1 Boom, right in the corner. You measure yourself and then

Speaker 1 you have to clean that. You turn to beat your record the next time.
Oh, my God. I ate pineapple last night, so I'm going to be shooting.
I've got to scoot back on the carpet for a little bit.

Speaker 1 That's a good way to get framed for a crime too.

Speaker 1 Did you just leave your semen out? Art's a great way to be exonerated for a crime that you didn't commit.

Speaker 1 You just say, detective, go take like two strands off my shag carpet on the right side of my bed, and I think we'll straighten this whole thing out.

Speaker 3 Last one. Hey, Big Cat, PFT, and Handsome Hank.
I have a boyfriend of two months who I really like. His parents invited me to their Christmas activities, but mine are set on not inviting him to ours.

Speaker 3 How do I convince them to invite him and or how do I break the news to him without it hurting our relationship?

Speaker 1 Wait, say it again.

Speaker 3 He's getting invited to she is getting invited to his Christmas events.

Speaker 3 Her family does not want him at their Christmas activity.

Speaker 1 Oh, he's the bad boy.

Speaker 3 I think you say. Or is it too early? They're like, whoa, we don't want to accept

Speaker 1 our little girl has a serious relationship. With fucking deadbeat Kev.
Yeah. I was going to say, like, just tell them that he might propose.

Speaker 3 In two months. And then they'll.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's how long they've been dating? Yes. Oh, say that it's too early.
Yeah, tell them that you're pregnant. Well, the question is to invite him.

Speaker 1 He shouldn't feel he should. No.
How do I convince them to invite him? No. And or how do I break the news to him without hurting our relationship?

Speaker 1 Say, just talk down about how terrible your Christmas is with your family. And be like, it's the worst.
We all have to get out and do, like, we play Pictionary for five hours.

Speaker 1 Then we play a game of risk. And there's no alcohol involved.
And just do that over and over and over. We all wear the same PJs.
You don't want to be there. You don't like Pictionary?

Speaker 1 Not for five hours with your family. Or you could just say that you're an Italian family and it's going to be seven kinds of fish or whatever the fuck they do.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so then he'll be like, yeah, no thanks. Fish feast.
Stay home and eat my turkey. The calamari part is good.
Oh, absolutely. But at some point, like...
You get to like the sixth or seventh fish.

Speaker 1 There's not a lot of fishes in the ocean. The fifth fish, you're like,

Speaker 1 I think you're fooling me, and this is the same kind of fish that I had on the second plate. Yeah, isn't that a weird saying, like, there's so many fish in the ocean? Isn't there a finite number?

Speaker 1 I mean, I know we

Speaker 1 like scientists always find those stupid fucking species. There are too much species.
Slugs in the bottom of the ocean.

Speaker 1 I think we've only uncovered like 1% of the different species.

Speaker 3 No, we know all the great unknown. We all know.

Speaker 1 You got tuna. You got bass.

Speaker 1 You got salmon. Salmon.

Speaker 1 You got kefelta fish. Stripa.
Kefelta fish. You got

Speaker 1 halibut. Jeff Fisher.
Flounder.

Speaker 3 Red snapper.

Speaker 1 Red snapper. Cobb.
Derek Derek Fisher, Derek Fisher, Lobster, Tim Samson. That's not a okay.

Speaker 1 We'll end the show here. Love you guys.

Speaker 1 Talking away.

Speaker 1 I don't know what to say. I'll say it anyway.

Speaker 1 Today's end up day to find you. Shine away.

Speaker 1 I'll be coming for your love, okay.

Speaker 1 Take

Speaker 1 on

Speaker 1 me,

Speaker 1 take on me, take

Speaker 1 me

Speaker 1 on,

Speaker 1 take on me.

Speaker 1 Some need let's just say

Speaker 1 I watched it.

Speaker 1 Fuck me, somewhere in a way.

Speaker 1 Slowly learning that life is okay.

Speaker 1 Say after me.

Speaker 1 It's no better to be safe than sorry.

Speaker 1 Take

Speaker 1 on

Speaker 1 me.

Speaker 1 Take on me.

Speaker 1 Take

Speaker 1 me

Speaker 1 on.

Speaker 1 Take on me.

Speaker 1 You take hard to fall

Speaker 1 the things that you say,

Speaker 1 oh, was just a flame that worries away.

Speaker 1 You are the things I've got to remember.

Speaker 1 You shine away.

Speaker 1 I'll be coming for you anyway.

Speaker 1 Take

Speaker 1 on

Speaker 1 me.

Speaker 1 Take

Speaker 1 me.

Speaker 1 take on me all

Speaker 1 me,

Speaker 1 I'll

Speaker 1 take on

Speaker 1 me,