Thanksgiving Double Episode, Danica Patrick, Hasan Minhaj + Football

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Here we go. Three, two, one.
On today's part of my take, a double long episode for your Thanksgiving feast. We have Danica Patrick.
We have Hasan Minhaj. We have Thanksgiving preview.
We have things we're thankful for. We have weekend preview.
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We're gonna rock down to electric avenue. And then we'll take it higher.
Oh, we're gonna rock down to electric avenue. Part of my take.
And then we'll take it higher. School sports.
Welcome to Part of My Take presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now.
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Yep, that's true. Today is Wednesday, November 27th, and we have a double episode for you.
A double episode. We're going to tell you exactly where to stop.
If you have to work on Friday, if you have to work on Friday, maybe quit your job right now because that's bullshit. But unless it's a bar that I'm going to be going to, then please keep working at that job or you're a ref and you're referring a college football game on Friday.
We're going to need you there. That job.
But we have a preview of Thanksgiving. We have a preview of the weekend.
We have everything. Before we do all that, though, Lamar Jackson is incredible.
Let's clean that up. Yeah, let's clean Monday Night Football up real quick.
He's insane. In the membrane.
He's making me nervous. Lamar Jackson is making me nervous.
Now, the Baltimore Ravens have been my Super Bowl pick since three weeks ago, I believe.

But he's making me nervous just because I get worried anytime there's something this pure and fun and good that it's going to get taken away from us at some point.

No, I'm not going to cancel him.

Oh, yeah, he's like a milkshake duck.

I don't think he's going to get milkshake ducked.

No, you're talking about the I word.

No, I don't want to even say it. I don't want to's going to get milkshake duck.
No, you're talking about the I word. No, I don't want to even say it.
Okay. I don't want to say the I word, but influenza your flu shots.
I will say that he is a unique talent and he's so much fun to watch and I don't know that he's a puzzle that can be solved. Well, he's a Mongolian cluster knot.
What else can you do? I'd never I would never ever say there's a puzzle that can't be solved in the NFL because the league that's just how it works historically but right now he seems like a puzzle that can't be solved if you're a defensive coordinator what do you even try to do at this point I think you just you blitz you just send everybody at him and hope yeah I don't know but the the Ravens are so so good and uh they steamrolled the Rams they have not punted. They've punted twice in three games.
Both those times, RG3 was the guy on the drive. That's fine.
So, Lamar Jackson is so good, they just don't punt anymore. And that also is credit to Harbaugh for becoming an analytical-minded coach and going for it on fourth down, it seems like, every time having it work but we were we were doing a live stream last night and they their offense is like illegal what they do they get four or five yards chunk yards running the ball with ease and i the rams definitely there was a point in that game where they just flat out quit and they're like we don't want to do this anymore we don't want to have to tackle mark ingram we don't want to tackle lamar jackson but they've been doing this now since whatever it was so they were two and two and they had just gotten steam rolled by the browns and since that point they have looked unstoppable yeah i think that um you know i'm gonna do here i'm gonna do the thing where i get ahead of a take that's coming out because Lamar Jackson, he's so good.
Everyone's talking about how good he is. Just how good is he? There's no shortage of people that will tell you how good Lamar Jackson is.
I'm going to say, you know who's not getting enough credit is Mark Ingram. Yes.
And people are going to start talking more about Mark Ingram as people dig further into the Baltimore Ravens. But Mark Ingram, he runs with authority.

He's got nice big shoulder pads, like late 90s style shoulder pads.

It might just be his neck, actually, that's making them look big.

I was going to say his tinted visor and the mouth guard he uses are very intimidating.

The propeller?

Yeah, I wouldn't want to tackle that guy either.

So, yeah, the Ravens are on a roll.

This weekend, we'll get to the weekend preview after Danica Patrick with the 49ers. That's going to be a great game.
Yes. Because I think if there's a team that could possibly stop them, it might be the 49ers just because of the athletes they have on the defensive line.
But I'm sure that the Ravens, from everything we've seen, they'll just steamroll them too. They'll do something weird.
What did San Diego do? I know they're L.A., but what did the San Diego Chargers do in the playoffs? They went small, right? No, they played them twice. Okay.
They played them twice. So is there any team out there that might be playing the Ravens twice that got beat the first time by them in the playoffs with a good coach that can adapt? Here's the only thing you could say anti-Ravens right now.
Are they peaking too early? That's a good question. That's the only thing you could say anti-ravens right now um are they peaking too early that's a good question that's the only thing we could say they need they need to start playing rg3 a little bit more which is my favorite argument in all sports and it's like yeah you don't want to be really good in november huh i think you just want to be really good whenever you're really good you can also ask are they built for the playoffs and that doesn't really.
No. Except for the fact that maybe when it's cold outside, sometimes certain quarterbacks don't like playing in the cold.
Listen, if they make teams quit like the Rams quit, then yes, they are definitely built for the playoffs. And we should probably touch on the Rams.
That seems like a little bit of crisis going on. It's, I don't know, you want to call it Super Bowl hangover? You want to call it a million different things.
Their offensive line has been bad. Jared, obviously, a personal friend.
Hank doesn't like him, but PFT and I still do. He'll probably be the first to say that he's got to play better.
But the whole team kind of looks a little broken. I love Jared for the record.
And I think it is. I really do.
It's not an excuse, but I think losing the Super Bowl the way they lost it, those kind things kind of stick with you for a year and it takes it takes a year to reset it we see it all the time when teams don't get back to the super bowl after they lose it we don't get back to the playoffs excuse me with sean mcveigh he's got that photographic memory he remembers every single play i think that's a bonus that's an asset when the team's doing well uh but when the team starts to lose that piles up a lot of negative energy inside his brain that he can never,

maybe Sean McVay just needs to get into a fight and get concussed and hope

that some of that negative energy from those bad plays at the Super Bowl just

fall out of the side of his ear.

He's looking smaller, by the way.

Have you noticed that?

He has looked a little smaller.

I think he's shrinking on the sidelines.

You know what?

We'll say something nice about Sean McVay.

I think his beard looks fine. It does.
Yeah. Because we're trying not to pile on when he's down.
The other thing with the Ravens and what we have to do with sports media, which is so stupid, but we have to do it. Lamar versus Mahomes.
I hate to say it. No one cares about.
And listen. I hate to say it.
I know. Patient zero? I hate to say it.
Patient zero? Patient zero of this take is my internet dad, your internet uncle. He gets a little antsy.
Mike Florio, he gets antsy. He gets a little antsy.
When he has too much time on his hands, when there hasn't been a Kaepernick waiver put out there, when there hasn't been some sort of legal writ filed against the league that he can analyze. Rule that hasn't been broken.
Yes. When he gets out of lawyering and into the pundit game where he comes out with his takes.
Florio tends to be a little over his skis at times. And he started the debate of Mahomes versus Lamar.
And can't we just enjoy both? Yeah. Can't we enjoy both? As sports journalists, you're right.
We're not allowed to enjoy both. We're not allowed to enjoy both we're not allowed to enjoy both I also in a weird way it's it's kind of offensive to my homes because it's so quickly that we move on to the next thing my homes through what 50 touchdowns last year they also play a completely different style of course they couldn't be any different which one would you rather have well if you're Andy Reid you'd rather have Mahomes.
And if you're running the Ravens offense, you'd probably have Lamar. You can't go wrong with either of them.
Let's leave it at that. You can't.
No. That's the debate that everyone has to look forward to for the next 15 years.
I've also noticed that Harbaugh, he wasn't wearing his mock turtleneck last night. But it took me about a quarter to realize that because I think his neck's getting – his delts are getting bigger.
Yep. So it gives like an artificial illusion of the mock turtleneck.
I don't know if he's been in shrugs or he's just been going like – he's just been saying, oh, what are we going to do? What can we do? Every time Lamar does something incredible. And the other thing with the Ravens, when they are – when you have like – there are certain identities that teams have that they can have through decades.
And the Ravens, when they start playing well, you just think of the Raven team that won the Super Bowl uh what was it 2000 2002 2000 2001 2000 2000 year before the Patriots and you just think of like the greatest one of the greatest defense of all time and you just see them running around in their purple and you're like like, wait, is Terrell Suggs somewhere out there?

It triggers memories that the Ravens are starting to have fun, and you can see it. Who had that pick at the end of the game, and the whole entire Ravens team ran into the end zone? It wasn't Earl Thomas, was it? No, no, no.
I can't remember who it was. Marcus Peters? It might have been Marcus Peters.
Yeah, it was Marcus Peters' revenge game. And you can tell, little body language expert, you can tell when a team is having fun.

And it felt like 50 Ravens got in the end zone. How about this? How about this for the demise of the Baltimore Ravens? Is the defense going to start getting jealous of all the accolades that the offense is getting? Listen, the defense has been incredible.
I don't know what changed, because if you go back to that Browns game when they were 2-2, and I might have thrown out an F word here or there, they were getting run on, and they did not look like a defense that was able to withstand some of the better teams in the AFC. Something has changed because the defense is playing exceptionally well, and guess what? It works pretty well when you have a guy like Lamar Jackson and an offense that can basically control all the clock.

They eat all the clock.

I'm a little bit woke on this new guy that everyone's talking about on the Ravens,

their stats guy, the 25-year-old number boy that sits up in the stands

and tells John Harbaugh in the middle of games what percentages are going which way.

What does it sound like?

At Buffalo Wildlings last night, you were impersonating him. Oh, number boy.
It was delightful. Your voice.
I don't even remember what I was saying. I'm young Sheldon, and I coach from the Baltimore Ravens.
My name is really Warren Sharp. It's like half of my homes.
Yeah, his name is Warren Sharp, and we all know him. He's a recurring guest on the show.
Warren Sharp invented this guy. John Harbaugh, he's probably got a dummy that sits up in the coordinator's box so you can point at him and be like, hey, that's our number boy up there.
You ever see somebody trying to drive in the HOV lane, and so they just get a mannequin that sits shotgun with them? That's what this dummy's doing up there. It's really Warren Sharp.
I'm very convinced of that. But, yeah, apparently he's feeding percentages to Harbaugh in the middle of games.
The anti-Jason Garrett. So the last nitpick I'll do of the Ravens, and this is obviously what we do on the show because there's really no nitpicking the Ravens.
They're that good. But maybe, I just realized this, they control so much clock.
They eat so much clock that there's less clock for Andy Reid to fuck up. So you're playing into into the chiefs strengths that makes a lot of sense like if the chiefs only have 15 minutes a clock to work with andy reed can't screw that up as much it's like stealing a bunch of firecrackers from jpp yeah it's i mean it's it's a it's actually a genius strategy by the chiefs to let the ravens be so good that they just have the ball all the time yeah you take all the clock the clock.
You take all the clock. As a first time, Andy Reid doesn't want seconds.
Yeah. All right, let's do a Thanksgiving preview.
So how we're going to work today's show, by the way, barstoolgold.com slash PMT. You can watch us right now.
We have done this in the past three Thanksgivings, but we are not going to have a new show on Friday. So instead, we're going to do a double long show today.
And if you have to work Friday, we will tell you exactly when to stop, delete it, and then re-download it. Re-download the whole show.
Unsubscribe and re-subscribe as well. That's the only way that you're going to be able to get the second half.
Only way. It's going to be right after the Danica interview.
So what we're going to do is we're going to do a Thanksgiving preview before Danica. Then afterwards, we're going to do a weekend preview and then Hasan Minhaj.
So you'll have a full extra show to listen to on Friday. So before we do the weekend preview, we're brought to you by BetMGM.
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Visit BetMGM.com for a full list of terms and conditions. and conditions gambling problem call 1-800-GAMBLER okay Thanksgiving Day football are you ready for Mitch Strabisky versus maybe David Blau Blau Blau Blau that is what we are facing it is going to be a sleepy terrible game and I'm excited because the Bears will be back afterwards.
Football guy of the week, David Blau. Football guy of the week, David Blau.
You know what I really enjoy about this game, the Detroit game? Like two years ago. Yeah.
Not only is it the game that I like to watch while I'm drinking that first beer and it's kind of on in the background. Crack it.
And they're like, oh, pass interference against the Lions again. I enjoy the eating of the turkey on the field after the game.
I enjoy any sort of Thanksgiving game where you bring food out onto field turf and you can just see, like, mashed potatoes and skin of the turkey getting spilled onto the 20-yard line. Very beautiful game.
How soon, unless it's at your own house, but how soon do you get on the couch? Like, do and then try and do some small talk and then get that out of the way and then go to the couch or do you just get in, get on the couch? My move is I like to help out early. So whether that's prepping the turkey for the frying, whether that's you know what I really like to do once the games get started? I like to say, hey, you know what? I'll mash the potatoes because then you can bring that station anywhere you want in the house including in front of the TV I'm even earlier than that I'm a wake up early and do errands guy so before the couch even becomes into comes into play it's it's okay I'll go grab that oh you need ice oh you need that okay I got that um I walk the dog make sure you walk the dog long walk for the dog, make sure the dog's nice and tired.
But yeah, I like to get on the couch. It's basically like, um, like getting position low post position.
I want to get, I want to, I want to beat my man down the floor and get in the couch before anyone else. Have you ever dealt with a relative who during one of those early games, as you're watching the TV sits down in one of the chairs in that living room or family room, wherever it is, in a position where they're not looking at the TV and they're just having a conversation with you, where they're back to the television.
Yeah, just ignore them. It's tough.
It's tough to deal with, though, when they keep working on you. Yeah, that's right.
You just ignore them and, you know, a lot of silence, a lot of, okay, whatever, I'm watching the game. When that happens, just start narrating the game out loud.
Send them the message. Oh, man, that was a crazy play.
You have to have emergency plans, too, during Thanksgiving. So you have to look at all three games and figure out, if you have to pick one to not be in front of the TV for the entire time, which one is that going to be for you? I mean, I'm going to watch the Bears, but if you're not a Bears or Lions fan,

or actually if you are a Bears or Lions fan and you want to skip watching a terrible game, this might be the game. I'm going to tune in late to see how the Lions get screwed over by the refs, but besides that, I think I'm going to be bouncing in and out of watching.
This is the first half you can miss. I have a stat for you, by the way.
This comes from at JTFOZ, I think is his Twitter handle. Since 2005, favorites have gone 30-11 against the spread on day games in Thanksgiving.
Huh. And then since going back to 1984, 53-29, 64.5% on day games.
So those first two games, it feels like the favorites always win. It's because they do.
Chicago and Dallas. Take the Bears.
Take the Bears. I think I'm going to load up on the Bears, especially if Blau is playing.
I just... They're not good.
But the Lions aren't either. Right.
So that's really all I'm going to go with. Yeah.
That's my analysis of this game. The Bears, not good.
Lions, maybe worse. My analysis is I'm going to bet on the team that beat the Redskins

instead of the team that lost to the Redskins.

There you go.

All right, so the second game, which I think we're all excited for,

Dallas is going down.

Bills at Cowboys.

Cowboys minus 6.5.

Overrunners 46.5.

Fellas, I love this over.

This is going to be my over of the day

because you've got to have at least one over on Thanksgiving.

46.

It's a lot going against Buffalo. I love it.
No, Buffalo on the road. Different defense at home.
Very good defense on the road. Maybe not as good.
And also teams have been able to run a little bit on the bills. Guess who the Cowboys have? Zeke and Jerry Jones is going to fire everyone.
Is Jason Garrett coaching for his job? Yeah. It's – is the game.
To lose or lose town game? Yeah, I think if Jerry Jones wins this game, he is going to stick around as head coach. If he loses, this is the only way that he can get fired in the middle of the season.
If he loses at home on Thanksgiving, Jerry Jones is going to be all kinds of liquored up. The only hope he has if he loses this game is that Jerry ate too much turkey

and then he just passed out in a puddle of tryptophan and scotch at his desk

because this would be an embarrassing game for Jerry.

Jerry doesn't like to be embarrassed.

He doesn't like losing at home.

He doesn't like losing in prime time.

It is a short week, Hank, for both teams.

It's true, short week, short week. Well, it always is a short week hank for both teams short week short

week um i think it always a short week when you play on thursday for both teams it's always a short week when you're five foot eight i think that's good for the over defense less less time to prepare there you go or is the offense i don't know i always do those things and then you can basically spin it any way you want is it actually it's a shorter week for the cowboys because they played the afternoon game true true sunday um the cowboys by the way but then it's a shorter week for the Cowboys because they played the afternoon game. True.
True. On Sunday.
The Cowboys, by the way, but then it's a shorter week for the Bills because they actually have to travel to this game. But how long is the flight? I don't know.
Is it longer than three hours? So it's about even then. Yeah.
But they traveled west, so they gained an hour. Okay.
So it's a shorter week for the Cowboys by one hour. I don't think there's a time difference in Dallas.
There is. Yeah.
By the way, so the Cowboys, Jason Garrett, dummy. And then even dumber because he went on radio and admitted, like almost was proud of his stupidity when he said they don't do in-game analytics and they just kind of go with their gut that's something you don't want to admit you just want to just pretend that you might be looking like even just maybe print out uh an excel sheet with with nothing in the boxes and look at that that would make you feel that would make everyone feel a little bit better when you're fucking up your team for the 10th straight year or whatever it is.
Yeah, the only other explanation is that he was trying to send a message to Jerry Jones and I don't think Jerry Jones cares for analytics if I were to guess. So maybe he was just using the media to communicate that message.
Like, hey Jerry, I know I went to Princeton but I'm not that much of a nerd because I don't believe in math. Like we agreed.
We agreed, Jerry, that we're not math guys. Yeah.
We're gut guys. We go with our gut.
You think Jason Garrett put on his resume proficient in Excel? Yes. I think he probably had that left over on his resume.
I can't believe he's been the coach. He's going to be the coach of the Cowboys for 10 years.
And then Jerry, did you see what Jerry said about Jell-O? No. I didn't see what Jerry Jones said about Jell-O.
When you run a team like I run a team, it's like you're holding two handfuls of Jell-O and you squeeze too hard, and then the Jell-O runs between your fingers and seeps out. So Jerry Jones never heard of a spoon.
I think he was just wasted. Oh, that's it.
Jell-O shots is what he was getting at. He was's sitting there.
I think he was describing like the feeling of witches eyeballs and hair at Halloween.

Jerry Jones.

It doesn't have a what's the guy's name?

Fuck.

Why am I?

What's the guy's name?

The guy from Baywatch.

The Rock.

No Hasselhoff Hasselhoff.

He doesn't have a Hasselhoff video out there, but he's made at least five of those drunkenly eating a cheeseburger and calling people. He can berate on the phone.
Uh huh. That has happened.
He is a person who is a person who is a person who is a person who is a person who isate, so he just probably takes a picture and then he talks into his camera for a while and then realizes, oh, it doesn't record. It's just a picture.
All right, last game on Thanksgiving, the Saints and the Falcons. Falcons plus seven over under 48 and a half.
You got 48 and a half on this. Revenge? Yeah, why? What is it? I got 49.
Okay. I thought you were going to say like 54 or something.
No, no. Half a point.
Okay. The revenge for the Saints? Maybe? Yeah.
I don't know. This game, I don't really care.
It's wonky. It's a wonky game.
This isky game and i'm going to be passed out half watching i think i think that the wonky game already happened with the saints and the falcons i think the saints are going to blow them out okay i agree with that over over over there's not okay all right um i'm excited though because there's nothing better than thanksgiving football uh and we remember bet mgm is the home of pmt this football season if you're a new user you place your first bet of one dollar or more on any thanksgiving game you'll get one dollar for every point scored all day by every team but you got to make sure to use bonus code pmt when you sign up um after escaping like barely escaping carolina if the saints lose this game are we we throwing the F word at them? On the Saints?

I've seen the Saints being like,

I don't know. I don't know, Jim.

I think the Saints are just kind of chilled out right now. I don't know, Jim.

Because they just have to win one more game,

then they win the NFC South.

This is the game.

They're in hangout mode right now.

Just taking it easy.

I don't know, Jim.

But the Saints, I disagree with that.

They need home field advantage.

I don't think the Saints can go on the road and win in the NFC Championship. They also have to play against the refs every game.
Right. That too.
But I think they need to play for the number one seed and have the 49ers come to them. I could see them losing this game, possibly.
It's a possibility they lose because the Falcons do have confidence that they can beat them yeah their number yeah uh but then i can also see the saints starting to roll in december got it so they are gonna so we are picking the falcons i'm gonna you also said the saints are gonna blow them out i i'm saying now i'm saying i could see that steven a steven a over here i'm picking i'm picking Saints, but I can see the Falcons win this game.

You wouldn't be surprised.

I wouldn't be shocked.

No.

All right.

Oh, man, I'm going to hear from Drew about this one.

Let's do, before we do Hot Seat Cool Throne,

let's do a few sports things we are thankful for in this Thanksgiving time.

Everyone goes, do you guys do that?

Does everyone say, what are you thankful for?

At the table?

Yeah.

No.

Every now and then people do it. I make them guess.
I can't remember the last time I did it, but I feel like there's been times where I've had to say it. And then you just, if you can, if you can, listen.
I'm doing my first non-family Thanksgiving this year. Oh, wow.
I'm pretty, a little nervous. You divorced you? Just by yourself? No, I'm going to my girlfriend's house on Long Island.
Oh, you have a girlfriend? On Long Island. Nice.
Sick brag. Yeah, if you can time your fart for when everyone has to be thankful for something, that would be a very funny move.
What are you thankful for, Hank? Sports things. Bill Belichick's wit.
Okay. Okay, good.
What about you, PST? And his coat, his giant coat. What about you? He disappears inside of.
I have a bunch. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We'll just fire them off. Giant thermometers.
Okay. I like giant thermometers on the sidelines.
I like them when it's hot, but I like them even more when it's cold outside. I'm thankful that Big Ben is hurt this year, and we can pretend that he's still going to keep playing because we're losing all of our quarterbacks from 2004.
So it's good that we have him in a safe case. I'm thankful for basketball players saying and one after every time they get a layup.
That's you, though. What do you mean? You say that.
But I don't play in the NBA. I do it because I am thankful.
It's me paying homage to the NBA players who I enjoy doing that. Got it.
It's better than saying Kobe. It's one of those things where I wouldn't be shocked if the NBA was just looking for things to shut down and were like, oh, we're going to stop.
You can't do that anymore. And I'm happy that a flop rule or something, I'm happy that it still happens all day, every day, every game.
It's a verbal flop. Yes.
Make it a flagrant foul. No.
No. No.
I'm thankful for Andy Reid in cold weather. That's happening soon.
Yep. I'm thankful for the sound that a buzzer makes in basketball as the ball's in the air.
I'm convinced that it sounds better if it's like a last-second shot and the buzzer goes off than that exact same buzzer makes when it's just like for a substitution. So the – wait, are you talking about the shot clock or the – I think there actually is a substitution horn.
Oh, it's different. Maybe.
I don't know. It's different entirely.
I just like the sound of a buzzer going off as the ball is in midair. And then it goes in.
And then a swish sound. You like buzzer beaters.
No, the sound. Back to back.
Okay. I agree with that.
I'm also a fan of buzzer beaters. Yeah, it's good.
Bowl season coming up. I love bowl season.
Speaking of that, I like reaction videos of teams finding out that they made the Bahamas Bowl. Yeah.
When they're like wondering, oh, are we going to go to the Meineke Clark? No, we're going to the Bahamas Bowl. That's pretty sweet.
I like, I'm thankful for Javi Baez, just in general. Just him.
I just like that he exists. Because Chicago sports are a dumpster fire, but he's there.
I'm thankful for NBA League Pass not having commercials. So during commercials, they just show you whatever's going on.
Jumbotron. Jumbotron, like Kiss Cam, whatever.
Five-year-olds playing basketball against each other. That's great.
I'm a fan of wide receivers with their numbers in the 80s. Feels like a dying breed right now.
Doesn't happen anymore. You need to bring that back.
Get some good 88s, It's great. I'm happy.
I'm thankful for Rivalry Week, which we'll get to in a minute. But I love Rivalry Week because you can just – everyone wants it a little bit more.
The NFL 100 logo and seeing it everywhere. You like it now? Oh, I love it now.
Yeah. We turned the corner on that a long time ago.
Oh, yeah. That's right.
We did. Yeah.
I think I'm struggling with it because the Bears have their 100 logo, and it's been such a bad season. It's too many.
I kind of don't like this. I'm thankful for you.
We should make a Photoshop of Wilt Chamberlain holding up a piece of paper and just has the 100 logo on it. Yeah.
I'm thankful for you guys and my job. It's great.
That's really nice. And the listeners, because we have the best job in the world.
That is true. That's very nice.
We don't say it enough. We actually do have the best job in the world.
Our sponsors. Thankful for our sponsors to help us have the best job in the world.
I'm thankful for Tom Crean in a Hawaiian shirt. Big time.
Yeah. Especially one that kind of goes with his skin tone.
Yep. Looks real good.
He does. He has been popping.
The Maui tournament in general. Bill Walton.
Yeah. For Bill Walton.
People are coming for Bill. I don't like that.
I've seen that, and people need to shut the fuck up because Bill Walton is awesome. He's like Lou Holtz.
He also is. No, he's getting.
No, I'm not saying he is like Lou Holtz. I'm saying.
Lou Holtz would suspend Bill Walton from his team for being how high he is all the time. People are getting into Lou Holtz territory with their anger and disdain towards him.
what, here's the problem. The reason why that's happening right now is Bill Walton has been thrust when he's in the Maui tournament.
He's thrust into some daytime games or some early evening games. Bill Walton needs to be late night and he is a perfect case of like, you know, when you complain about someone on Twitter, he's like, dude, just unfollow him.

Bill Walton is on so late at night, you just don't watch.

It's 11 o'clock.

Go to bed.

You know what I mean?

Like, Bill Walton exists to keep us entertained when we're all a little bit loopy

and we shouldn't be betting, like, UCLA versus Oregon at 11 o'clock on a Tuesday night in February.

I agree.

Bill Walton, during the daytime, he rubs some of the daytime audience the wrong way because they're usually a nerdier set. They stink.
Watching Bill Walton in the daytime is like going into a strip club in the daytime. Not bad.
Not like noon. It's not bad.
For people who like fun. Not bad if you love titties.
Right. But if you go later on in the night, it fits a little bit more.
Yeah, exactly. Okay.
Anything else? I'm thankful for Brad Stevens' out-of-timeout play design.

Oh, cool.

I like...

No, I'm kidding.

No, it was good.

I'm kidding.

It was good, Hank.

I like it, too.

These are the things that I enjoy when I watch sports.

He's great at that.

They call timeout.

Have you turned back on Brad Stevens?

Of course.

What do you mean?

Last year...

Last year was all Kyrie's fault.

All Kyrie.

Now they have a team that is buying into the system, and they will listen to their coach. It's not all about one player.
Those shoes are pretty fire-handed. They are.
These are Kyrie's. Kyrie's.
Kyrie's. Yep.
I like Coach O. It's not really the same exact comparison.
Republicans buy sneakers, too, but just because I don't like the player doesn't mean I can't like his sneakers. Okay.
I like Houston Texans wildcard Saturday games. Yeah, that will happen.
It's going to happen again this year. Maybe even we get Texans Colts again.
Oh, that'd be a freak. I felt like a wildcard game last week, last year, on Thursday.
Hockey playoff overtime. Yeah.
Good one. Washington, D.C.
sports, just in general. There you go.
All of them. Conference of Champions.
No, District of Champions. I was just stuck on Bill Walton.
Okay, well. Football fingers.
Tweet us. What's that? Like when Booger or Baldy or Torrey Holt has a finger that was broken a long time ago and they just didn't want to fix it because that's their resume for life.
I like that. I like that.
I like the – I think we have it on the logo for today's show, but I always love when the score bug has the leaves or we get close to Christmas. It'll be the Christmas lights.
It just feels festive and it feels fun. All right.
Anything else? Everyone tweet us what they're thankful for. Sports related.
We'll retweet the best ones. I'm thankful for next gen stats when it shows you how far a field goal would have been good from after it already went in.
That's pretty cool. It's like we could have kicked this 10 yards ago.
Are you not thankful for Tom Brady? Of course I'm thankful. Every time I say something, I also had – The Brad Stevens thing, I forgot if you were on Brad Stevens or off him.
I forgot it was all Kyrie last year. That's my fault.
I had Julian Edelman's charm, Tom Brady's fashion, style, and just overall how he leads an entire region of people and wills them to be better. Oh, I like sports journalists tweeting their Hall of Fame votes out.
Yes. Only voting for Derek Jeter and nobody else.
Yes. Thank you, Captain.
Yes. All right, let's do hot seat Cool Throne.
Hank, you want to start? My hot seat is Sam Darnold. Yeah.
So he said he was going to run the table. They've been playing well.
They had a big win on Sunday. And then he had the audacity.
I'm just going to read the headline. Sam Darnold gets wasted and hooks up with girl after Jets big win.
No. Yeah.
A Jets quarterback did this in the NFL? Yeah. Went to a club after their game and apparently was making out with a girl.
As somebody that was at Bounce last week, I'll just say that is not a place to get drunk and kiss girls. Damn.
That is... You should bring a book into Bounce.
Damn. You should be studying.
So if you're a Jets fan, you're like, oh, we're going to run the table. Nope.
Nope. He's probably got mono again.
You can't get it twice. Oh.
That's why they call it mono. I think you can.
Really? Yeah. Shit.
No, that's why I call it mono. Yeah, but I think you can.
You can get mono. You can get duo nucleosis? Yeah, I think you can get it multiple times.
I think it's one of those stupid ones that always sticks with you. Mono back backios that i i think it's always inside of you right like the spirit of the lord but i don't think it pops up twice no i think it can pop up many times also i don't know if i can say this because he's a recurring guest and a close personal friend but zach efron just put up an instagram uh working out with dude perfect yeah we saw and we're really mad about it but we're not going to say anything because we because he's very very you know it looked like he was having a great time probably an ad deal he probably didn't have it yeah yeah and you know what he's a great actor he probably hated every second of it but he put he did that smile yes that's a good point uh and then my cool throne is the sun and just people who enjoy the sun even though it's winter there is a new new yoga exercise called perennium sunning.

Big Cat, have you heard about this? No. So this is kind of like your fart method, but reverse and pace towards the sun.
But perennium sunning, in a mere 30 seconds of sunlight on your butthole, you will receive more energy from this electric node than you would in an entire day being outside with your clothes on. So you get butt naked and then you lie on the ground and spread your legs wide and just let the sunlight enter your butthole.
So the sun just fucks you missionary style. Butthole.
Yeah. Yeah.
I like that. And it makes you feel better.
Yeah. I don't think that.
Wait, are you supposed to cover your other genitals and just have it hit your butthole? Well, it's kind of crazy. Well, you've got to put your legs up high enough so that it can get into the hole.
That's a whoa, because think about how many times your butthole has seen the sun. Very few.
Right. They call it where the sun don't shine.
It only takes 30 seconds, and you receive more energy from this electric node than you would in your entire day. So we've been missing out.
I'm going to start doing that on my roof. By the way, I just looked it up.
Most people only get mono once, but you can get it twice, and you might even get it months or years later. So watch out, Sam Darnold.
Be careful. I'm interested in this something, though.
Yeah, the something is... I'm going to do it.
I'll report back. That's what I'm saying.
You just got to fart, but then you just basically... Actually, you could just do it.

You don't even have to do it the way, if you look up the picture, the way they do it.

You could just do it with your fart style.

What if you just put tanning lotion on your butthole?

You need the sun.

You need the electric node in the hole.

I don't let any vitamin D near my butt.

You got to get the node up the hole. Got it.
The fucking sun. Was that your quilt wrong? Yes.
Okay. PFT.
My hot seat is Hank. Hank is on the hot seat big time.
We always pay up our bets around here. And Hank, we forgot about it, but Hank blundered his way into maybe the worst bet that he's ever made in his life, and he is going to have to pay up on this.
At the 11-minute mark on August 18th, apparently Big Cat and I made a bet against you that if Josh Gordon wasn't on the Patriots by the playoffs, Hank has to use a leaf blower with a shit ton of weed. You have to smoke weed through a giant bong essentially and hot box the entire studio by yourself so hank shit you are really you really stepped in big time my thanksgiving buddy you're gonna be hanging over my head all weekend you're screwed yeah you're gonna just be more red-eyed than bob costas we gotta do this though for real yeah i will yeah it.
We're in here. Yeah.
Next week. Do you think we'll light off? Do we have any sprinklers? Sprinklers.
No sprinklers in here. All right.
We're fine. Yeah, we're fine.
Maybe on Sunye. Sunye.
Oh, yeah? Okay. That's what they should call letting the sun fuck your asshole.
Sunye. Sunye.
Sunye. Just get my sonya on i like it all right we gotta get the

i don't know we're gonna get a leaf blower there's a home depot down this we need a lot of weed yeah

we need a canounce shitload of weed we'll hit up still do you have any if ever yeah we have any

grow operations uh that want to donate to the cause uh we're definitely gonna get some weed

sent to us yeah you were so be a real shame hank is so screwed on this one you're real shame if

someone sent like a pound yeah that's a what a great bet to make what if they do i'll do it all

Now, let's part. What if they do, I'll do it all.
Not on ours. This is definitely going to come with the FBI.
My cool throne is Melrose Place because Booger was on Monday Night Football last night, and he probably mentioned Melrose Place for the first time in the last 20 years on national television. He said that it was a matchup.
The L.A. Rams against the Baltimore Ravens was like Melrose Place against the Wire, which I think that's disrespect towards L.A., right? Towards the Rams saying that they're Melrose Place.
Yeah, we tried to name some people from Melrose Place, and we first thought it was Beverly Hills 90210, and then all we got was Heather Locklear. Then I thought it was Party of Five.
It is such a dated reference. We, as guys who are now basically exclusively dealing dated references, couldn't get it.
Yeah, but we were also 90s. Even The Wire is relatively old.
Yeah, The Wire is not 2020. But I think Melrose, if you look at the Google trends,

probably a lot of people were searching what is Melrose Place last night,

stumbled across Heather Locklear and fell in love.

So she's going to make a comeback soon too. I loved Heather Locklear.

Still do.

All right, my hot seat is Papa John.

So Papa John's health is on the hot seat because he did an interview where he said he had 40 pizzas in the last 30 days. And he looks it.
The grease on his face and in his hair, it looks like he's been doing that. My question is, how do you think that breaks down? Do you think he's doing one every weekday and then two on the weekends? I think he does two every Saturday.
Or do you think he ever just, he seems like a guy, now tell me this might be crazy, who doesn't have a lot of self-control. So he might go no days with a pizza, or sorry, days with no pizza, and then all of a sudden falls off the wagon five pizzas in a day.
Binge mode? Well, one thing I learned about Papa John today is that he is deeply, deeply paranoid. Yeah.
Very paranoid. Which, I think you kind of knew that.
Papa John, he lives in constant fear that someone's going to come kidnap him. Yep.
So he locks himself inside his house. It wouldn't surprise me if he had machine guns installed on turrets, like on the different spires of his fortress.
He is Pizza John McAfee. Yeah, he is insane.
He's an insane person. I got to meet Papa John at the Super Bowl a couple years ago.
That's right. I have never heard another man breathe the way that Papa John breathes.
Pizza breath. Through his nostrils.
It sounds like a dog with a sinus infection. I was standing next to him, and this is an impression.
Honestly, this is what he sounds like. That's pizza breath.
And resting. This is his resting breathing mechanisms so uh i will i will say that he looks better than someone that has eaten 40 pizzas in the last 30 days should look yes and i like that he was on tv and he was wearing his red button-up shirt just to remind you like i'm still papa i'm no longer the CEO, but this is my outfit.
This is Papa here. Like a giant clown nose for his body.
He is Papa talking. Just bright red into the camera.
What did it say on his shirt? It's something ridiculous. It said, like, Joey Baseball.
Billy Baseball, yeah. Yeah.
I don't know what's going on with that. So he went on TV to start a fight against another millionaire, right? Mark Shapiro.
Who is known for? Inventing Embrace Debate. Oh.
Yeah, the old executive. He invented Embrace Debate and he invented Playmakers.
Got it. Or produced Playmakers.
And why is he in a fight with him? Because rich people just have fights against other rich people. I thought he was in a fight with someone who owns another pizza chain because that would make sense.
I think Mark Shapiro took over papa john's in some way because that's why the whole life is complaining about the quality of the ingredients well and he was like he doesn't live pizza i've had 40 pizzas in 30 days which is such a ridiculous thing to say that i actually think he was probably underselling himself yes i don't think that you say you've eaten 40 pizzas in 30 days the only way that that those words come out of your mouth is if you've actually had like 50 or 60 80 pizzas in 30 days you're like uh 40 40 that's okay cool that's not what's a what's a what's a number a normal number of pizzas in 30 days 40 that's less than 50 what do most people yeah 40 pizzas that's 40 pizzas. I like how his hair is still jet black, though.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

He's got Coach K's barber.

You're a barber?

No, no, no.

Oh.

I also dye my hair.

Yeah, so how are you going to come out other...

I didn't...

Well, I don't do jet black.

It's brown.

It's brown.

Get the perm like Papa, too.

It would be nice.

I actually need a new dye job.

You could be the next Papa.

People always hurt my feelings when they point that out. What, the dye job? No, the gray.
Oh, just, yeah. Oh, you're getting really gray.
I know. So now you know how Coach K feels, and now you know why he always gets the hair dye black.
But I admit it. Coach K doesn't.
I'm sure he would. I don't think so.
I'm sure if he came on the show and discussed it. No, he doesn't.
I am open about it. I told you guys the minute i went to the die life um all right my other hot seat is everyone who's not on magic johnson's mvp list he's got a list uh he put his top 16 mvp candidates in order and it was actually 17 which there are what 30 teams in the nba i believe so he's almost there.
He's over halfway there to just naming team MVPs.

I can't believe it wasn't alphabetically listed.

That was a big disappointment for me.

Incredible.

And he, yeah, 17.

He really narrowed it down to 17 players that could be the MVP.

So if you're not on that list, you stink.

Yeah, you're pretty bad.

You suck.

All right. Who was his number one?

Number one, LeBron James. Giannis luca is number two a and two b um that's how he got to 17 and uh he had ben simmons kyrie irving's on there tatum's on there yeah it's uh magic johnson thank god he quit the lakers so he could tweet again i think i'm all on board the lakers bandwagon right now because I'll tell you why.
LeBron James said he admitted last night, maybe I've been drinking too much wine. But you're going to root for the Lakers, aren't you? It's the first step.
No, I'm not saying I'm not going to root for the Lakers. I think it's going to be Lakers-Celtics in the championship.
All this ratings stuff. I warned you about this, by the way.
All this ratings stuff that you're seeing, the ratings are down, the ratings are down.

What happened in the 80s when the ratings were down?

Oh, yeah.

Magic Johnson got AIDS.

Nope.

So is he going to get AIDS again?

Magic Johnson, what has he ever done?

Don Sterling.

I'm not going to say the rest of it.

Oh, come on.

You've got to hit the punchline.

He's got AIDS!

No, that was like 10 years after. But maybe like a nice three-peat versus LeBron.
We can take him down three-nothing. There's a text message out there between us, Hank, where I warned you about this, and you're like, no way.
Well, I didn't realize that LeBron just was willingly not playing defense. It was like, this year I'm going to play defense for once.
It's true. And Dwight Howard, who I'm now a fan of after our interview with him,'s playing unbelievable and he farted and rondo it's tough the lakers are a good team yeah it sucks what would be the alternate if you were if you were david stern and you were programming these nba finals again if you couldn't have lakers versus celtics where are you gonna go with clippers sixers versus clippers yeah but that's that doesn't pop.
Still, yeah, it doesn't really pop. The nice thing about the Lakers, LeBron, going out west is that if you just want to ignore them being really good, you can.
Very easy. You can just go to sleep.
It's kind of like the Bill Walton discussion. Just go to sleep and pretend it doesn't happen.
That's what I've been doing. And then I get stray Laker fans in my mentions being like, remember when you said they weren't going to be good?

Yeah, I remember.

Okay.

Do you think it's time for Caruso to shave?

I think he should just let that puppy grow out.

He's awesome.

He is very fun to watch.

We're going to get him on the show.

Five points a game.

No, he's awesome.

He's really good, Hank.

Hank, awesome.

I do like him, but I think he's getting overly hyped.

Well, I mean, it looks like he went to Duke. Yeah, right.
Or like one of the 12 guys on the Wisconsin Badgers basketball team. Or he could, you know what we're saying, play wide receiver for the Patriots.
Yeah. He's athletic when you wouldn't expect them.
Yeah, correct. A hockey player, if you will.
Yeah. Yeah.
Coach's son. Okay.
Let's.'s uh oh i have my cool throne my cool throne is rivalry trophies so we're gonna quickly talk about college football saturday and some rivalry games i was looking this up pft when we talked about doing rivalry trophies the best ones yeah because i do think and this i'm obviously biased but i do think paul bunyan's axe is up there i have number one. It's fucking awesome.
It's enormous. It's just a great trophy to have.
It's a great trophy because you run and grab it, and you get to hold it up, and it's fucking cool. Fake chop down the goalposts, the whole thing.
So I was looking this up. I didn't realize that Oregon, Oregon State, the Civil War, has a trophy, the Platypus trophy.
And it got lost for like 40 years. Just like the real platypus, which I think is extinct, right? Is it? That's news to me.
Actually, I made that up. I made that up.
Yeah, I was going to say. That's my fault.
I just rediscovered the platypus. I didn't realize that was a trophy, and it's because it has a duck-like bill and a beaver-like tail.
That's fucking's fucking cool yeah it just looks like an animal that god was wasted and he just like crammed together two of his other types of animals yeah they're great i think they lay eggs too yeah which is awesome it was lost from 1962 to 2006 that's a long time to be lost where they find it they found it in the uh pool complex of like oregon state they had reappropriated it as a rugby, a water polo trophy. Wow.
Which makes sense. It's a platypus and they swim.
But how funny is that? That is very funny. I'm glad that they found it.
I would like that trophy. I would like to win that trophy very much.
I want that trophy. Yes.
I want it in this office. I have on my list.
By the way, the Big Ten just absolutely dominates the category of best trophies. Oh, yeah.
But there are a couple that aren't in the Big Ten. I like the Golden Cowboy hat.
The Oklahoma, Texas, especially when the coach puts it on right after the game. When a coach is wearing a cowboy hat, that's always funny.
The keg of nails. Cincinnati versus Louisville.
That's great. Keg of nails.
You can get hammered or get hammered. Yep.
I like the little brown jug. Yep.
That's Minnesota, Michigan. They don't play every year anymore, which kind of sucks.
I like the president's trophy. There's a lot of governor's trophies, too.
The president's trophy, though, for the military? Yep. For the troops? Yep.
That one's one's it's fucked up that you don't get an actual trophy when you become elected president yeah isn't that yes you guys are dip guys the michigan state brass platoon that one's good too that was the name just the name spatoon yeah it's fire i like the boot the boot trophy between lsu and arkansas yep you kill somebody with that thing That one's good. There's two different pig trophies in the Big Ten, which is great.
You really just have run out of things to give away when you're just like, let's just do a pig. So Wisconsin, Iowa has one, and Iowa and Minnesota have one as well.
So it's nice to have a couple pig trophies out there. And then the golden egg, which we were joking about, why is it the egg bowl? And I'm sure someone will, you know, we actually work with probably the biggest Mississippi State fan in the world and Brandon Walker.
But we just assumed the egg bowl was because like the man with the most eggs in Mississippi is the richest guy in town. That is your God.
Yeah, that is your mayor. So that has to be why it's the egg bowl.
It has to be. Someone's going to tell us the real reason, and it's not going to be as good as what we just said.
It might be very sad. There might be a sad historic reason behind it.
I'm going to look it up. That is going to be a big downer for us.
Oh, you're right. You know? Shit.
Should we cancel the Egg Bowl? No. Let's keep it going.
Let's keep it going for now until we find out what that terrible reason is. I like the bucket between Purdue and Indiana.
Yep. I don't know if you've seen this bucket but it looks like they they forgot like a kid that forgot about christmas and had to make his mom a card last minute that's what this bucket looks like it's just like this rickety thing with a bunch of eyes hanging off of it yep yep um uh the we already talked about the golden boot i this one's not a good trophy but the apple cup on on i think they're playing friday this year i just like the name of the Apple Cup.
I like saying Apple Cup. That's a fun thing to say.
Yeah, a lot of nice P's in there. Yeah, and you just kind of see them playing out west.
You're like, that's cool. I kind of want to go to an Apple Cup sometime.
Any other ones? Any other big games we got? I mean, the Iron Bowl is going to be awesome this year. Michigan, Ohio State.
Actually, we talked about it, but if Jim Harbaugh can somehow win that game. Could be excellent.
It's going to be an all-time post-game press conference. Yep.
Which one? Isn't there a Purdue game where the winner gets a cannon? They get a gun? Yes, there is. There is.
There is. I think it is versus.
I can't remember who plays it. It's Purdue.
Would it just be the schools with the two largest percentages of dudes that play each other? Get a giant phallus. It's Purdue, Illinois, I think is the canon.
And then Illinois, Northwestern play for something with Lincoln. And then there's a bunch of Paul Bunyons, too.
Yeah, so there's Paul Bunyan's axe or a Paul Bunyan statue. Yes.
Yeah, it's just Paul Bunyan gets everything. The Duke-UNC victory bell is pretty good, too.
You get to ring the bell. All right, why is it called the Egg Bowl? The game got its name from the trophy the teams play for, the Golden Egg.
What? So they named it after the trophy. But why did they give the Golden Egg? It was an egg.
That's just what was nearby. They found an egg, and they were like, let's just dip this in bronze.
Say it's gold. All right, so we're going with our explanation of why it's called the Egg Bowl.
Yeah, the richest man in Mississippi. Had all the eggs.
He who has all the eggs becomes king. Yes, he rules the land.
It's like that guy, you know that guy down the street? He's got a shitload of eggs. He gets to put on the bowl every year.
Okay, let's get to our interview with Danica Patrick. We also have a very special guest inside of the interview, the PFT FaceTime, so be ready for that.
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Here she is. Danica Patrick.
Do you lose some weight? Yeah. Thank you.
Oh, keep that in. No, no, no, no.
Uh, shit. That's not recording yet not recording on the show recurring guest good friend keep that part in she said you lose some weight i did danica thank you for noticing well it's hard so whenever i feel like i notice it in someone i just say it even if it's not true for whatever reason there's a thought and that's always that's a nice comment what if i had been like actually i have a tape it worked.
That's one way. It's a very hungry tapeworm.
Actually, isn't it? I feel like it's something that back in the old days used to be ingested on purpose for weight loss. I would take a medically induced tapeworm.
I would also get medically induced mono to just hang out on my couch for a couple months. No doubt in my mind.
That's a great way to lose weight. There's one right there.
Yeah, there you go. All right, so Danica Patrick on the show.
She is a recurring guest, a friend of ours. She has her own podcast called Pretty Intense.
You can go download it right now. Just how intense is this podcast? It's pretty intense, but there's also a really big element of slowing down.
So these interviews are, you know, they're long. They're really long dives into different topics.
And it's funny. It almost feels like at 45 minutes is when you start hitting your stride and you really start connecting.
And then all of a sudden, 45 more minutes later, I'm getting the piece of paper that says 1 colon 30 on it. And I'm like, oh, God, I better be done soon.
Number one, for respect of their time. But number two, because it's a commitment to listen to.
That's like a two-part listen. Yes.
You know, it's hard to get that all in. I like that.
So what would you say is harder, being a NASCAR driver or being a podcaster? Oh, it's definitely harder to be a NASCAR driver. No, no.
Yeah. You're just saying that because you're trying to alpha us in our own interview.
I know your tricks. What is our physical risk right now? Very high.
You could get very overweight in a short period of time. Yeah, I had to lose all that weight.
Let's see. My hands get clammy sometimes.
Let's not shake hands. Oh, my back hurts because I sit in a chair all day.
Okay. Yeah, you don't sit in a race car at all.
No. I do get sweaty, though.
You'd be surprised. Under these lights, under the bright lights of the podcast, by the end of a show, my back is soaked.
It's great. Nicotine.
A lot of nicotine consumption. Oh, you got a patch on that.
I don't see you smoking, but... I was hopelessly addicted to Juul for about six months.
Yeah. Yeah, they say that's pretty bad, actually.
Don't they say that Juul is not that much better than... It's worse than smoking.
It's worse than smoking. It's like an ankle sprain is worse than a break, yeah.
It's like a secret step further from smoking. Smoking is the gateway to Juul.
Yeah, I got off Juuling by smoking cigarettes. Dead serious.
No, he is serious. It's not a joke.
He's very serious. I know it sounds like a hacking comedic joke, but it's actually true.
I mean there's preparation for a race because you're at the track and you have to practice and things like that. But there's a different preparation for podcasts and when you're interviewing somebody.
And, you know, I spend about two hours, I'd say, on each guest just, you know, thinking the questions, reading information and reading research about them, but then formulating, you know, a flow of the conversation and also, you know, the hot topics. Like, what can we talk about that would be really interesting? And I really enjoy coming at these interviews from some different angles.
And, you know, I was just given a huge compliment by somebody yesterday that said, a really intelligent guy who said, that's the best interview I've ever done. And I was like, wow, that's really, really, really, really nice.
And you probably shouldn't tell me that because I'm not going to try any harder now. That does feel good.
That is what it's all about. It's the content high.
When you finish an interview, it's like, that's one of the best ever. That's a checkered flag.
Have you ever wrecked an interview? I actually listened to an interview that I did, and I was like, okay, I think I crashed and burned a little on that one. Like I just feel – one of the things I have to practice doing is listening a little bit.
You guys are doing a great job of nodding your heads and you do a well-practiced good job. I actually have like a bobblehead.
Good. Yes, it's working and feel good about it.
I'm able to keep rambling. And as a guest, you want to have that opportunity to talk.
So i talk too much or sometimes i interrupt and so these are these are things that i never had to think much about before um because i was just waiting for the question to end and then i'd just start talking so yeah i feel like i feel like that's one of those elements where if you do too much of that that's like a crash and burn to me and i've asked about the episode that i like that i didn't feel like my best and people were like no it was fine was it your best no but like it was still totally fine and i'm like what is wrecking look like when i brought up the uh jerk off crystals to you that was a wreck yeah kind of a wreck well you you turned it off yeah i was like it wasn't actually speaking to you remember that yeah i do the cra? I mean, that was a wreck. Like, that was a, hey, I'm going to try to draft and then make a fucking move.
I don't know any NASCAR terminology. I'm going to make a fucking, I'm going to make a move.
I'm going to swoop in and get parachuted in. Well, we don't swoop in.
You parachute in. We also don't parachute.
Drop in. You were doing? No, that's waves.
Trampoline. I'm going to trampoline to the front, and then boom, I crashed.
What do you call it when you get the draft? You lost me. Slingshot.
That's it. Slingshot.
I slingshotted into a wall. Slingshot engaged.
Oh, did you say that? Well, that's from a movie. Forrest Gump? No, it's from...
Starshake Redemption. Slingshot engaged.
Dennis the Menace. Face off.
I can't think. No, you said Forrest Gump.
Save and Piperank Redemption slingshot engaged Dennis the Menace

face off

I can't think

no you said Forrest Gump

save him by Ryan

the slingshot engaged

is from

uh

Freaky Friday

is it Talladega Nights

maybe

I think it's Talladega Nights

and Pam Anderson

yeah

shake and bake

shake and bake

slingshot engaged

so what I'm doing is

uh

we were talking about

jerk off crystals

I have a very special guest

I'd like to

uh

just connect with

on FaceTime real quick

uh oh

I have no

I don't know what he's about to do

no hang on

I'm doing is we were talking about jerk off crystals. I have a very special guest I'd like to just connect with on FaceTime real quick.

Oh, I have no I don't know what he's about to do.

No, hang on.

FaceTime is still.

Here we go.

I heard you getting blown up over there.

Yeah.

Sorry about that.

Yeah. There's a lot of text.

This is Devin Kajust.

Oh, yeah.

On the Browns.

Yes.

And he's really into crystals as well.

I wanted to connect you to because.

He's into crystals.

Yes.

Very.

You like crystals.

I do.

I love.

Hey, Devin, what's up, man?

It's PFT.

What's up, man?

How are you?

Thank you. Just, you know, for professional reasons.
You guys should probably know each other and network a little bit. What kind of crystals do you have? I appreciate that big time.
What kind of crystals do you have? Hey, what kind of crystals do you have? Well, not in my home right here. I just moved out of the house, but the only crystals I have right next to me are these enormous slabs of selenite.
Nice. Do you have selenite? Selenite does not need to be charged.
So you don't have to jerk off on a selenite. You really are a crystal guy.
So some crystals need to be essentially charged under the full moon, and selenite never needs to be charged. It actually helps neutralize other crystals.
Yes, I use it for a cleansing. That's why I have this huge slab, because then I'll just place my crystals on that.
So in case the full moon isn't out, or I don't have time during the day to go back out and grab them from the sun or run them underwater i'll just leave them overnight and they actually do have a nice little charge that's like it's like your mophie it's your mophie crystal you can just take it anywhere i'm so proud of you good job you know and you know the people that don't believe in crystals well more for us fuck the non-crystal believers more for us i have i'm wearing crystals i have moonstone on i can feel and i have a moonstone on this finger yeah um yeah that's it and i have some other symbolic things but those are my crystals that i have on do you rock with moonstone devon i do use moonstone with black tourmaline i have a sphere of it um just to balance out that feminine side. Because, you know, I play the most hyper-masculine sports.
So kind of learning to show people you can have both. I have to use it.
I'm a big Moldavite guy. Moldavite? Moldavite.
I don't know about Moldavite. What is the nature of Moldavite? Yeah, what does Moldavite do? I can't believe you guys don't know Moldavite.
So Moldavite is considered like the holy grail of stones. It's a meteor from the Czech Republic in Russia, and it amplifies any other stone very, very intensely, but it also takes you from point A to point B on the fastest path.
So things that you've been ignoring, things that you haven't dealt with, emotions, or people in your life, it's really going to uproot that, and it may be very difficult, but again, it's going to get you where you want to. What's been something that has been uprooted because of its fast track to truth for you? Relationships.
A lot of my relationships. My circle has changed.
I left a former relationship. It's just I made a new home.
Yeah. Okay.
Wow. What type of crystals do you think could help the Browns right now? Do you think one of those...
We don't want to help the Browns. There's nothing that we need to do to help the Browns.
One of those Czech Republic stones, do you think that could install some of those around the facility in Barea? Honestly, if they embedded them in the ground and made a grid underneath, that actually would help them. You should do that.
The problem is that when you're playing home games where they're gritted up underneath the turf or the grass, whatever you have, it's going to help my boyfriend too. Yeah, true.
Aaron Rodgers. Ever heard of him? I don't know.
I would actually use Reiki where I would do some grids in my mind on the field to help everybody. I wouldn't be like, you know, who's going to win is going to win.
I can't really control that outcome, but let's make sure that the injuries are down and let's make sure that no one's getting a huge concussion or get killed or whatever it is. So let's use some crystals for that.
It's good for everybody. Yeah.
Wow. I like that.
Your crystal knowledge is impressive. Good job.
Thanks, man. All right.
We're going to tag you when we put this video out so that you and Danica can connect after that. All right? Pleasure, you guys.
All right. See you, man.
See you, Devin. Good talking to you, buddy.
Not good luck. Well, he's not on a roster.
That's the one thing I don't understand about Devin Kajusen. I understand crystal energy and everything, but if you're a big crystal guy, shouldn't the crystals get you on a roster? Well, it's gotten him that far.
Hang on. Hang on.
Hang on. You are assuming that football is his pinnacle.
Yeah. Well, I mean, he definitely wanted to make the team when he got cut last year.

Okay, but maybe that's not where he's supposed to be.

Maybe the crystals are helping lead him to his truth.

Crystal salesman, I'd rather have someone who's on a team.

When you are seeking the truth, the truth isn't always what you think it is. Well, write that down.

The universe has other plans for Devin Kajus,

and it might not be catching touchdowns. Okay.
We probably wouldn't do that. I'm going to get some crystals.
I got to get some crystals. I really do.
I forget every now and then like, oh man, crystal energy. So which one should I get to start? Moonlight? Moonstone? Moonstone's kind of a magical crystal.
He knows his crystals really um i attach like a thought to a crystal because there are so many and there's so many very close meanings and overlapping of of what they mean as well some of them are all that they have a similar trait to them um but moonstone's kind of more of the the stone of magic and you know do you leave crystals around the house like does it do you think it affects like uh erin how he plays i mean we have a lot of crystals um we also have crystal bowls crystal bowls are um this this interview is just um really it's surprising me i'm really impressed with you guys curiosity with the crystals um and surprised um but anyway back on the crystal path um the crystal rainbow here uh we have crystal bowls so crystal bowls are alchemy bowls so they are all you can play those so if anyone's ever been to a sound healing or heard about sound healing um uh you can like you could youtube it or you know to listen to what crystal bowls are like or you can look at what they look like. Some of them are just white or just clear, but then there are also ones where they mix in stones with them.
So those are the ones that I have, or the ones that are mixed in, and those are sort of like the highest end crystal bowls. And they all play, so they also play a note.
And so it's musical. And so they play a note.
And that note then also corresponds with one of your energy centers or chakra points. Okay.
So depending on like the frequency. Yeah, exactly.
I'm with you. So every – it's really interesting when I did the sound bowl session to find them.
It was very intuitive. I was there for like two hours and I had my eyes closed there was some meditation and um i felt like gladiator thumbs up thumbs down with my eyes closed whether or not i like the sound of the bowl or not but then i also was able to identify where it hit me and sure enough it always correlated with the note without knowing i didn't even know that was a part of it by the way i was like retirement sounds awesome yeah have you thought about doing like a podcast about crystals? Talking crystals? We could be on it.
Thanks for the idea. Have you had someone on Pretty Intense? No, not, no.
I haven't. Not about crystal balls.
I mean, I'm interested in all these things. So like genuinely, I would like.
I actually think while you might. No, I am.
You are really, truly interested. This isn't even a joke.
You've asked me so many times about crystals. I believe in all this stuff actually do.
I do you feel like you have to put on a tough front because you're here at bar school sports. And you're like, you've got to be like a tough guy and you can't talk about something like crystals.
No, no, no. I, um, I don't believe I struggle because I don't believe in like, like religion or God then this stuff i'm like maybe this is spirituality

this is a little different i think that anything that makes you feel something is real to you yeah yeah absolutely what resonates with you what works with you yeah and um you know then and i know that placebo effect sounds like something that quote doesn't work but placebo effects just a word it is it implies that something worked yeah through the mind there are medical studies where people's health has improved like from a chronic disease because they think they're getting medication sugar pills yeah so placebo effect isn't something that doesn't work it works right it's just a word that has I think that negative thought to it or um you know something that is not often not really um real and it's totally real if you're getting better because you think a certain way maybe think a certain way yes so you have to if you want to believe in crystals well because i just want to i mean it really is i'm looking for an edge gambling and like in general I'm being honest with you. Like I think that there's probably a crystal out there for me.
So I'm going to find one. Well, I think that if I'm going to dive into you want to be better at gambling and these crystals are something you're curious about.
Now you're going into the sort of arena of intuition and feel. And so if you can tap into that side of you more and more and more you're going to be able to sit at a table i this is my opinion but um you'll be able to sit at the table and you'll be able to start to get intuitional intuition hits of like now yes no or like i know what you've got and i feel like all information right? I really do.
In some way. I agree.
So even if you're reading their mind, it's information that's accessible in an intuitive way. Are you? I'm getting super out there.
You're staring at me so hard right now. Are you reading my mind? Well.
What am I thinking right now? We'll say it on the count of three. One, two, three.
I agree. Fuck Aaron Rodgers.
Oh, damn. Nope.
I thought we had it, too. I thought we had it for a second there.
I really did. Yeah, turns out I wasn't thinking anything like you.
Yeah, well, different. Sometimes.
At some point in the day, you probably have that thought. Speaking of Aaron, I am an owner of the Green Bay Packers.
Oh, yeah? So he works for me. If you're a part owner, do you have season tickets? No, I've got my hat.
I've got my hat over there. Oh, it's up top.
Up top on the shelf. It's not fake.
It's on the very top. There's that, the cheese head.
Yeah, so I'm an owner. I have a cheese cowboy hat at home.
Yeah, so do you own the team as well? No. Okay, so I own your boyfriend, Aaron.
He shaved before the last game and then he stunk i would like to find him 40 for shaving before the game he can pay me on cash app okay that's fine but i i hereby find him i'll see if he's good for it did you pass that along uh no what happened was is it was halloween and we decided to be characters from napoleon dynamite which was uncle rico oh who you know yeah just wanted to go back to 82 and he didn't he didn't one state um so he's a football player ex-football player and i was deb yeah did you have the shots by deb did i have the sleeves puffy sleeves no i was just in like a little collared shirt with my uh you know light white washed jeans and my fanny pack okay fanny packs for life by the way yes they're just so practical i agree i have one that has a boom box on it so you can play your jams wherever you go that's cool that's a great idea for hiking and walking i'm gonna look into that um and uh and so he has an ability to transform his look through his facial hair so easily right i mean we've seen it the stash that you name it like he he's good at that he really gets a good mustache going so uncle rico had a mustache correct so he had to he gave himself a mustache for halloween and then he's like he's like then as soon as it was over gone with the mustache let it grow back out so he still was scruffy he just wasn't't as, like, scruffy. I bet on the Packers.
I hate the Packers, but I bet on the Packers. And then I saw his face, like, midway through the second quarter.
I was like, God damn it. That's it.
Well, I bet, given the fact that we had a snowstorm the other night, it's probably growing back pretty good. Is that what happens when it's cold outside? We did have a snowstorm.
He gets hairier as the weather changes? Well, it's because you need the facial hair to stay warm. True.
And it's been a week or two now, so it doesn't take too long. I wouldn't know.
I can't grow a facial hair. Which is also probably why he doesn't mind just cutting, shaving, making a mustache, whatever, because he's like, oh, just in two hours it'll be back.
Right. So, yeah, I'm going to bet he's going to look back to normal.
Everything will go well. But, hey, I mean, the Chargers had to have a good game at some point, right? That's true.
They were due. They were, you know, and I guess if you're going to have one of your worst games, like offense and defense wasn't jiving and they had their best game of the year, you know, I'd rather it be like that than be really close and, oh, you know, like get that bad game out of the way, learn from it.
I agree with that, actually. Make strong.
Yeah, if you just get blown out, it's sometimes better. It gives a team that's not going to do much.
Would that work for race car driving, too? Would there be times where it's like, hey, if it's a bad day, it's just a bad day? Well, I mean, I'm thinking from a blowout standpoint, from really close, I mean, you tend to not think, what did I do wrong when it was really close? You think, holy crap, what do I need to do when it goes really bad? So there were times where, you know, I was on a four car team at the end of my cup career and or at the end of my career when I raced cup. And, you know, if someone or two would do really well, then it was like, oh, everything's fine.
And I would always get really frustrated because it wasn't fine. There was issues, and not every car is the same either.
But if someone had a good day, they're like, well, I guess everything's okay. And so if everyone had a bad day, though, it was kind of more accountability on the team and what to do and fixing things and so um so i think sometimes there's a little more incentive and motivation to solve the problem when it's a little more dramatic gotcha gotcha so um last time we had you on i think we asked you all the standard race car questions so we're not going to ask you like is there a horn is there a turn signal do you pee yourself no you're a friend now are you up? You're a friend, so we're going to get into some more.
So I did see that a Russian billionaire hired you to drive him around. I was – Well, it was actually his girlfriend, but it was a surprise.
But yeah. That story pissed me off.
You ruined the surprise? That story – No, I was part of the surprise. Oh, okay.
I didn't like that story, and I'll tell you why. Why? Because when I heard you introduce the story, I was like, that that sounds great and then he just hired you to drive him around the track and go really fast i thought it was a super flex that he like hired you and flew you out to vegas to drive him and his buddies up and down the strip from like the palomino club to like i was there like i was their driver yeah yeah you you so you'd rather have me drive on the streets following the rules, sort of, than driving on a racetrack? It would be a flex to walk out of the Spearmint Rhino and be like, hey, my limo is out here.
I'm being driven by Danny. What's the Spearmint Rhino? Don't act like you don't know what the Spearmint Rhino is.
I really don't know. It's what shows up on Aaron's credit card seven times after he goes to Vegas.
I didn't even know what Netflix and chill meant until like never did it. So I said I didn't even know what Netflix and chill meant

until I was at a sponsor event sitting there

and someone asked a question at the end

and everybody kind of giggled.

I'm like, I don't really have Netflix,

but I mean, I like to chill out.

And they realized that I had no idea what that meant.

Wait, so you invented Netflix and chill?

No.

To yourself.

I was way behind.

So do I know?

So I'm telling you I'm sheltered

and I don't know what the Spearmint Rhino is.

The Spearmint Rhino is a club of ill repute,

which is actually a great club.

It's first reported. Do I know? So you can't.
So I'm telling you I'm sheltered and I don't know what the Spearmint Rhino is. The Spearmint Rhino is a club of ill repute, which is actually a great club.
Gentleman's Cabaret. Yes.
Oh. It's Burlesque House of Noir.
Oh. I think I just made that one up.
Full nudity? Yeah. Tops and bottoms.
Oh, got it. Got it.
Full nudity. You really get up pretending that you don't know.
Actually, it's not. I don't know what it is.
It's not full nudity, but the Palomino is. So if I was a Russian billionaire, an oligarch,

and I walked out of the Palomino and said,

you know what, I'm tired of bottomless.

I want to go to the Spearmint Rhino, which has bottoms.

Here's my driver.

It's Danica Patrick in this limo.

That is the biggest flex you could ever get.

That's what I would do instead.

I just, you just described what your hope and dream was.

I can't do that for you.

I'm sorry. Not for me.

Oh, you don't want your hope and dream was.

I can't do that for you.

I'm sorry. I'm not saying that for me.

Oh,

you don't want,

oh.

Russian oligarch.

Okay.

What would your price be

for an oil magnate

from Siberia

to be like,

hey,

I want Danica

to drive me up

and down the strip?

For six hours

worth of driving.

For six hours?

And mostly you just

sit in the car

waiting for him.

Yeah.

What would you pay for it?

I'm going to go ahead and do it. For six hours worth of driving.
For six hours? And mostly you just sit in the car waiting for them. Yeah.
What would you pay for it? What would be a reasonable fee? Uber's surcharge, maybe like $100 an hour. How many times do you want to multiply that by to get my rate? I think you could get somebody to pay you $500,000.
$3 billion. If you can find someone to pay me $500,000.
$3 billion. Do I get 10 thousand dollars three billion dollars yeah okay sweet what kind of car do you drive regularly um usually a range rover or a rental oh and rentals run the gamut do you get do you get like when you rent a car are you like i kind of want like the nice ones that have a good engine no oh really i mean I get.
Really? And a lot of times it's flying into FBOs and private airports, so the stock of cars is not also as good sometimes. Oh, thoughts and prayers.
Does that bother you? Thoughts and prayers, yeah. Does that bother you when you drive a car and you're like, this Hemi, I don't know what that means, this Hemi sucks.
Yeah, I might have had a Hemi, actually. I remember there was one that I drove around that was like a van-sized Buick, and it wasn't a van, but it was an SUV, and there was dents and white X marks to mark the dents on it before I even got it.
Okay. And I thought, man, is this raising my street cred or lowering it? Right.
What do you think? You guys are good people to ask for this. I think if you have – no, I think it's raising because you can be like, yeah, I got in some wrecks.
You know? Like, was just trying to slingshot the dude on the highway. It's not raising my street cred because, you know what? Who cares that it's not nice? I can drive anything? Yes.
Well, no. Like, I make moves when I'm driving.
Do you see these dents? Like, that's how aggressive I am. What about flying coach? Like commercial and flying coach? Is that raising my street cred or lowering it? Lowering big time for you.
Lowering it? I think you can fly coach. I think it'd be weird.
I think it's raising my street cred. Look how normal she is.
How cool is she? I don't think you're normal enough to be able to be normal in coach. If you were in coach and you were like middle seat on a southwest flight and i sat next to you i would be like wow she made some bad investments okay yeah you'd think she's actually a lot more poor than everyone she bought a shitload of crystals go daddy stocks down yeah yeah she spent them all on yeah that one would probably selenite moon rock Rock.
What about the people of Green Bay when you go to the grocery store? Do people like, hey, what's up, Danica? Yeah. That's raising your street cred.
But I go to the grocery store a lot. Yeah, so that's raising your street cred.
Okay, yeah. There isn't a Whole Foods in Green Bay, right? No.
Yeah. Definitely not.
No way. Definitely not.
There's a fresh time, though, and that does the trick. I actually thought at one point in time it was only festival, and I thought, man, I'm going to have to drive to Madison to Whole Foods every 10 days to get groceries.
Yes, yes. That's a drive.
That's a drive, but didn't have to. What is the thing that Aaron complains the most about about his new coach? Good question, PFT.
Thank you. Nothing.
There's just nothing. He's just, you know, everything's so good.
Everything's funky-dory all the time. Danica's winking at us right now.
You act like I'm going to answer these questions. I had to ask.
I thought that our rapport was so good that I would hypnotize you. But isn't it cool how well it's going? Oh, so cool.
I'm so excited for him. Yeah, I know that you think that.
As an owner, my investment is actually really paid off. Yeah, I am very glad.
We love each other. We like LaFleurleur.
Big Cat's a huge fan of LaFleur. We actually went up and interviewed him

in Green Bay. He's fine.

He's kind of a loser. Wonderful man.

Great man.

You don't want him to be on your show again, do you?

No, I don't care.

What did you think of him?

I loved him. Wonderful person.
Great person.

As an owner, he's a model

employee. Good.

What about John Kuhn?

Have you met him?

I don't think I've actually met John Kuhn, but I know who he is.

He's cool.

And he was a player, and now he is part of the – does he do the radio?

Or does the – Yeah, he does media.

Does the media and does the – yeah.

All right.

I got one last question.

Your podcast, pretty intense.

Dream guest. Oprah.
Oprah. You knew that right away, too.
Yeah. All right.
I got one last question. Your podcast, Pretty Intense, Dream Guest.
Oprah. Oprah.
You knew that right away too. Yeah.
All right. Give me another one.
Brene Brown. Who's that? She's, if you like crystals and you like spirituality, she's really good at kind of diving into the personal side of you, like, talking about things like vulnerability.

Like, what was the guy's name that we talked about who was talking about is Crystal,

saying it taps like it's the masculine-feminine energy to bring it out.

She's going to help you balance your energies out by bringing out, you know, your vulnerability, your honesty and courage.

And, you know, so Brene Brown's, and she's a fantastic storyteller.

I like that.

Let's get her on our show before Danica. Well, I was going to say, do you want to ask us who our dream guests is? I actually would really like Aaron Rodgers.
Actually. Yes.
All right. So if we get you Oprah, I tell you what, I FaceTime Devin could juice for you.
You should FaceTime Aaron right now. Yeah.
I can't believe you fell for that. That was so easy.
You knew I, I mean, come on. I don't know if he's ever done your show or not.
No, he's not. He has not.
We will get you Oprah. You get us, Erin.
If I got you Oprah, I might have to kidnap Oprah and bring her to you. But would that not? Would you then be like, hey, Erin, can you do me a solid? These guys got me Oprah.
They kidnapped Oprah. Wow.
That's an interesting proposition. I mean, I'm down for it.
I mean, I could put that sort of clause in of no illegal activity to get these guests.

We borrowed Oprah.

We borrowed Oprah.

From a parking lot.

Yeah.

It's like the remake of Celtic Pride.

I feel like if I say yes to that, Oprah, if she catches wind of this at all, we'll be

like, definitely not going on that show.

Well, maybe the opposite.

Maybe we're like, hey, Oprah, we won't kidnap you if you just do it yourself.

That's right this psychology is so messed up right right um the easiest move for everybody involved would be now oprah if you're listening to this just go on her show and she's a listener let's get her hands dirty she's a big time listener she's a big a everyone knows oprah loves part of my team. You get a car stick.
And you get a car stick. You know her stuff at least.
Yes. Very familiar.
Danica, thank you so much. Pretty intense podcast.
Find it everywhere. Anywhere you listen to podcasts.
Anywhere you listen to podcasts. We appreciate it.
You're a friend. You're always welcome back.
And best of luck with the podcast. And I'm excited for some.
I'm going to the crystal storyline continues. Next time you come on, I will have a crystal.
You better. I'll have one around my neck and I'm like, boom, won all my bets.
Crystals. Good luck.
Yeah. All right.
Thanks. That interview with Danica Patrick and special guest was brought to you by Movement.
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That's dollarshaveclub.com slash PMT. Okay, you have reached this point of the show.
If you do not have to work on Friday, you can listen, you can keep listening, you can go through the weekend preview, you can go through Hasan Minhaj, which is a great interview. If you do have to work on Friday, stop it right here, stop it right here.
No, you're still listening. Wait,'re still listening wait no wait don't no don't stop it right here let let me tell you what to do then stop it you stop it after this people stopped it the first time shit okay if you stopped it before you're hearing me say this god damn it go back if you stopped it don't work on friday wait yeah yeah they've already stopped so if you stopped it fr them.
If you stopped it before, thank you for listening to us tell you to stop it the first time. I forgot.
If you haven't stopped it yet, you fuckhead. What we're going to do right now is do a Friday show.
No, no, that's good. And so you should have stopped it already.
No, no, no. Because we didn't give the directions yet.
That's my point. I said stop it right here.
I should have given the directions before I said stop it right here. Because now people have stopped it and and they don't get the directions so now they're starting this again and they miss the directions so so but thank you for listening okay so thank you for listening to back they're gone till friday thank you for listening to it all the way through again up to this point shit it's right welcome to part of my take hey guys it is friday november 29th The Bears are are dead the bears are absolutely not fucking dead all right so if you if you do have to work on friday for real um just wait uh you you want to when i say stop it you're gonna stop it you're gonna delete it and then you're gonna re-download it and you're gonna listen to the weekend preview and hassan minaj if you.
If you don't have to work Friday, listen to the whole thing. Okay, stop it right here.
Good? Are we good? Thank you for paying attention. Hey, how about those losers that have to work on Friday? We're a bunch of losers.
We're talking to all of them right now. Yeah.
They don't even know that we're talking to them yet. Except for the people that are going to be serving me drinks on Friday.
Yeah, but they don't even know we're talking to them right now. That's true.
Because they're just going about their day, drinking, eating their Thanksgiving dinner, and dinner and then boom seven o'clock comes on friday morning and and and and wake up all you real ones out there that don't have to work friday shout out to you guys um all but you should also delete and then redownload and listen to it again okay so concludes the worst three minutes of part of my take we've ever done. Let's do some weekend preview.

Including the AJ Green interview.

Yeah, including the AJ Green interview.

Rock and refuel.

Go get it now.

This is Loser Leaves Town Sunday.

It is.

It is Loser Leaves Town Sunday. We have two monster, monster Loser Leaves Town games between the Titans and

Colts and the Browns and Steelers.

Yep. Ho, ho.
Browns, Steelers is a big one. I think the Titans and Colts.
I think the Titans and Colts is just as big. There's a chance that one of those two teams can make the playoffs even if they lose this game, but Brown Steelers, this is the Rubicon.
This is it. The portal.
I still think it's a portal game. I still think that the Browns are going to run the table.
So I explained to you what a portal game was on the live stream last night, but a lot of people probably weren't watching that. Portal game, and the Bears had one a couple weeks ago that I kept on saying it's a portal, but the Browns have a portal game in that on the other side of this game against the Steelers on Sunday, they have an actual easy schedule-ish.
If they win this game, they basically hit the portal to possibly running the table so this is the big hurdle it's i likened it to getting a star in mario kart if they can win this game they have the star and now they can just start running over teams and going way faster than the lightning bolt or the light yeah when you first said portal game i was like like uh a poor man's blake bortles, this is the game. Which would be Ryan Tannehill.

If they can win this game, they have a chance to run the table because after this game, so they go to Pittsburgh.

Listen, they have to play against Duck.

Yes.

Which we should put that in here.

We should put this in here.

So we broke the news today via Mark McGrath of Sugar Ray.

He instructed Mason that Mason was going to get benched in favor of Duck. And here's Mark McGrath to let you know exactly how that's going to shake out.
Hey, what is up, Mason? It's Mark McGrath from the band Sugar Ray. Off the charts, but always in your hearts.
And these are the tough ones I have to do, you know. Mason, unfortunately, the team has not been delivering.
And we're going to have to go in a different direction. You know, it's time to make that change.
And Duck is going to be our new starting quarterback going forward. You've done a hell of a job.
You gave it your all. But someone's got to, you know, someone's got to take the blame.
And usually it would be me, Coach. But it's going to be you, Mason, this time.
I'm sorry. You're an important part of this team.
Of course, team is always about the sum of its parts, not just the parts. There is no me in team.
There's no I either. There might be a me.
Either way, Duck, we're going to have to throw the ball to you you're not gonna be our starter and a

fearless leader and mason we're gonna need you to be that guy on the bench that really is there supporting duck and the rest of the team so uh let's move forward productively in the manner that we know how to do professionally and uh thank you mason for your contributions but you no longer services will be needed shout out to duck let. Let's move forward.
This is from Coach.

Good luck, guys.

The rest of the way.

So, thank you to Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray.

Mike Tomlin saying Duck hasn't killed us yet.

Yeah.

When talking about putting him in instead of Mason Rudolph.

Real bad.

A couple weeks for Mason Rudolph.

But the portal game.

Back to the portal game. After this, the Browns have Bengals, Cardinals, Ravens, Bengals.
Ravens at home. I've already beaten them.
They could run the table if they win this game. I think that they will, and even if they lose one of these games, per my ESPN playoff machine simulator that I've run nonstop for the last two days, the Browns still could make the playoffs at 9-7.
It's very possible that they get a tiebreaker over the Titans and over the Indianapolis Colts or the Texans, whichever one of those teams also ends up at nine and seven. So the Titans Colts, the other loser leaves town game.
I think it's just as important. Both teams sitting at six and five.
And it feels like the narrative coming out of this is going to be Colts are back. And, you know, they had a little blip there where Brian Hoyer was in and all that stuff, or the Titans winning this game, I really do think everyone's just going to say they turned a corner against the Chiefs and now they're just going to pound teams.
Yeah. Is this the game from two years ago where Frank Reich decided to go for it on fourth down and didn't make it, but his whole team was so excited that he gave him faith? Yes.
Yes. Yeah.
So this is is a big one for the colts this is what got it all started on their little run that they've been on recently um we also have a heisman game uh the eagles versus dolphins carson wentz has to have a heisman game so it's when they when when a quarterback plays a really inferior opponent it has to put up big time numbers he has to have a moment yeah it's when like his hurt though. When we still had the EA Sports NCAA game and you would schedule a cupcake week one so your quarterback could get 15 touchdowns so that at the end of the season you had like 60 touchdowns, the Heisman game.
Does he have any wide receivers to play with this week? Doesn't matter. He's got to have a Heisman game.
He's got to put it all on his shoulders and go for it. It's a stat-padding Heisman game.
He's got to be so pissed off that another quarterback came in and took the duck-killing mantra from him. Took the duck-killing crown.
That is tough. What other games are you looking forward to? That's going to be my big one.
I'm very much looking forward to the Monday night game, which is going to be Seahawks-Vikings. Which we'll get to on Sunday.
We'll get to, but I just want to say, remind me to bet the the under on that one okay little bonus under because Cleet Blakeman is the referee and I got a tip that Cleet has been 10 and 0 on unders this year I didn't check it but I got the tip I don't know why somebody make that up that would be a mean thing to make very mean thing 10 and 0 on unders Cleet Blakeman the 49ers Ravens game is going to be fantastic. Yeah.
And the Raiders-Chiefs game, that's also a sneaky game where Andy Reid off a bye and the Raiders, this is going to be their chance to actually be still in this thing. If they lose this game, it's probably curtains on the Raiders making this push that no one saw coming.
I don't know. It's going to be a fun game to watch that's it just i like the afc west battles i just always have loved watching afc west football yeah it's andy reed after bye week versus andy reed after thanksgiving it's those are the two forces that are really meeting in this one um john gruden is i don't think john gruden celebrates thanksgiving he's thankful for literally everyone except for david carr he's thankful for every quarterback and quarterback prospect and kid who might have thrown a football at some point in his life.
Except for Mitchell Trubisky, who he was not excited about the night of the draft. If John Gruden isn't excited about you as a quarterback, as a young quarterback.
I don't think that's true. You got nothing.
When did you see that? It was during the draft. He wasn't doing draft coverage.
Mel Kiper was eating the pumpkin pie, and that was kind of loud, so maybe you didn't hear him. This is Mitch Trubisky derangement syndrome that everyone has.
This is fake news. This is like the guy who said, could you imagine drafting Mitch Trubisky over Lamar Jackson? That's what you're doing right now.
No, I'm saying. You're just changing the course of history.
You're ignoring John Gruden's very prescient take on draft night. On draft night? Shit.

Really? Yeah, I mean, I

haven't seen a single quarterback that has

sat down in a room with John Gruden that

he hasn't nutted himself over except for

Mitchell. I have Mitch Trubisky derangement

syndrome the other way where I'm just trying to forget

history. Yeah.
Yeah. That's

fine. You're just men in black yourself.
The only

way I can cope.

Hank, are you excited for Sunday Night Football Patriots Texas? Yep. This is the game.
Patriots get back on a roll. They always dominate the Texans.
I hate to agree with that, but I think you're right. I think this is a game they win by 10 to 14 points.
Except he has trouble. Bill Belichick has trouble with mobile quarterbacks.
Not the Texans. And that's not true.
Well, Nick Saban does. And so Bill Belichick and Nick Saban are best friends.
So, therefore, he has trouble also. Nick Saban is best friends with Bill Belichick.
Oh, you don't think that friendship goes two ways? I mean, he coached underneath him, you know. Nick Saban to Bill Belichick is just another coach that, you know, is on his coaching tree.
I disagree. But also, the Ravens beat the Patriots this year.
Mobile quarterback. Well, yeah, but as we've established, that was just to give them false confidence going into the playoffs.
So wouldn't the Patriots want to do the exact same thing to the Texans since they usually wind up meeting each other? No, but they need this game bad. Bill knows that.
Yeah. You don't want to go to Baltimore? No.
No. Be more.
Honestly, I'm a little worried. I need the Ravens.
Whoa! What's happening right now? PFT. What's happening right now? I struggle with mobile quarterbacks.
Belichick has trouble. What are you doing, guys? We took an Uber home last night, and I was like, if the Patriots play the Ravens tomorrow, I don't know how they would win.
Uh-oh. Are you cracking? I'm not cracking, and I always have ultimate faith.
This happens a lot where it's like, you know, this could be the end of the run. Are they going to do it? They always do, but the Ravens just look so dominant, and the Patriots have looked so average to borderline gross the last two weeks.
You need them to go from average to absolute savage. Yes.
Max Hickerwood over there predicting the demise of the Patriots dynasty. I'm not.
It's sad that you've turned on him. No, I'm just saying it.
You have become. You just became, before our very eyes, is Tom Brady over the hill? Is this the end of the dynasty? I've never said that.
I said the Ravens has nothing to do with the Patriots. It has everything to do with the Ravens and how dominant they look.
Just do what I said earlier in the show. They're peaking too early.
Yes. That's what I'm saying.
The playoffs are a long way need i need that i need them to start coming down a little bit there is an element of the patriots season so far that i wouldn't be shocked if in december they just start uh like having an incredible offense out of nowhere well they're like what yeah i don't think it's necessarily that it would be an incredible offense but they tend to get better on offense when it gets colder outside and so they get less bad than everyone else does so it looks like they're just becoming a juggernaut. And I think a lot of it is Belichick is an ultimate thermometer guy.
He weaponizes thermometers. When it's really cold outside, he'll install fake thermometers that say it's like five degrees and put them inside the locker room or inside the tunnels leading out.
So, I mean, if I'm the Texans or if I'm the Ravens and I'm walking out on that field,

I'm Teddy Bridgewater, right?

Yep.

Or for the, well, I guess I would be in the NFC.

But if I'm like, if I'm Lamar Jackson or if I'm Deshaun Watson and I'm seeing negative

four degrees, negative three degrees, I'm shitting myself before that game.

I'm getting a little scared.

Bad weather games.

Should we do, should we finish up with some FAQs before we get to Hasan Minhaj?

Let's do it.

Yeah.

Oh, wait.

I also shit.

I don't know. for that game.
I'm getting a little scared. Bad weather games.
Should we finish up with some FAQs before we get to Hasan Minhaj? Let's do

it. Yeah.
Oh, wait. I also, shit.

I should have said I have... We want to give

our picks for those? Oh, yeah.

I forgot. You want to do picks real quick? Why don't you just

rattle them off then? Over. Kansas City, Oakland.

51 and a half. Put me in for the same.

Shit. Under.

I'm going to go

Tampa Bay at Jacksonville. 48 and a half.

Fuck. Same.
Big dick versus

big balls. Total package.

I don't know. shit under uh i'm gonna go tampa bay at jacksonville say eight and a half fuck same big dick versus big balls total package i've got my favorite ravens minus six oh reverse same my underdog is 49ers and same same same my underdog is houston plus three wow and my favorites the patriots there you go okay um by the, I have a can't lose parlay.
It won last week. A lot of people are haters.
Jets, Packers, Chiefs. Chiefs.
Who are the Jets playing? You think the Chiefs lose? Jets are playing the Bengals. Jets.
But Andy Dalton's back. That's fine.
Jets, Packers, Chiefs. Andy Dalton wasn't making out with any babes this weekend.
Jets, Packers, Chiefs. How does that lose? The Bengals.
No. Yeah, because you know why? The Bengals have a game in hand on the number one overall draft pick.
They can afford to win one. Jets, Packers, Chiefs.
They can afford to take their foot off the gas of tanking. Listen, you're talking to a guy who's 1-0 in his last one can't-lose parlay.
That's true. So I cannot lose.
On a roll. All right, Hank, let's do some FAQs.
Then we're going to do Hasan Minhaj on the other side of them.

Yes, this is a little I did.

It's FAQ Thanksgiving stories, guys on chicks, whatever.

It's a it's a mishmash.

Sup, boys.

This year, my birthday lands on Blackout Wednesday.

I'm planning on living up the holiday, but I'm sure my friends are going to try and kill me on alcohol on top of that.

I'm already planning to be Aaron guy on Thursday. But what other things can I do to seem half alive at Thanksgiving dinner and avoid a three-day hangover? Blackout Wednesday.
I'm assuming that's today? Yes. Today.
Well, if you have a show, I mean, if you have to work on Friday. Blackout Wednesday.
Yeah, let's ask Bubba for how to avoid Blackout Wednesday. I haven't blacked out in a while.
I think he would be the exact wrong person to ask. Yeah, I was just going to say, don't ask me.
Do you remember the last time you blacked out? Well, it's a true question. I would say delete the Twitter app from your phone so that you don't tweet anything out from the wrong account.
Yeah. Actually, just don't take your phone out with you.
Jan. Actually, that might bad idea how to take your phone yeah take your phone no don't take your phone why leave your phone next to your uh on your mom's nightstand on loud and put in your pocket a if i'm blacked out please call this number and then have your mom come save you or just write it on your forehead before you go out.
What about, they say beer before liquor. You'll never be sicker.
Liquor before beer. Wine before heroin.
Whoa. And your family will be barren.
Okay. That was dark.
Hey, PMT. I absolutely love my boyfriend, but I'm texting in because I hope this will be a wake-up call for him.
I have been steadily seeing the same guy for over a year now, and he's great.

We're both homebodies, so most of the time we're together, we're watching movies.

This was really fun until we were a few months in, and I had never been allowed to pick a movie.

Over a year later, and I have picked one movie to watch the entire time.

The worst part is he will only watch a movie if it has Adam Sandler in it, and everything else is basically off limits.

Whoa. Please help me.
Thanks, guys. Why is that bad? Yeah.
He likes to keep things light. I like this guy.
He's just picking all the Adam Sandler movies over and over. How many times do you watch Big Daddy? Infinity.
How do you fix this? Kick him off the tour, Doug. I'm trying to think what you can do to maybe make your...
You need to pick one movie that you know is going to guarantee that he will like it and then constantly remind him how you picked a winner. Or make him watch Jack and Jill.
And that will just get him off of Adam Sandler movies forever. Why, was that one bad? I mean, yeah.
I didn't see that one. Why, it had Adam Sandler in it.
Honestly, I enjoy watching it because it's one of my favorite so bad it's good movies but it's... I think you gotta wean them off.
So you gotta find an actor that's similar to Adam Sandler but not Adam Sandler and then just start them on those. The Wilson Brothers.
The Wilson Brothers or Kevin James. Start them on Hitch.
Start them on Hitch. Hitch is a good movie.
Hitch is a good movie. Yep.
And then from Hitch, you can parlay that into any number of Will Smith movies. Mm-hmm.
Pursuit of Happiness. Men in Black.
Men in Black. And then you can watch all of Will Smith's son's movies, which are really good.
Does he make movies now? They made that one together. Remember that? He's a musical artist.
Yeah, he's got it. They did two together.
He's got the Twitter where he's like, I love his Twitter because he's like 14 and he's fake deep. And you're like, dude, you're 14.
Well, he's like 19 now. Whatever.
He was 14. At some point, he was 14.
Yes. Sup, boys.
I was having sex with a guy who I know has had a lot of sex. Nice.
But he only lasted about two minutes. How is that possible? Whoa.
Wait, wait. Only? You got lucky.
Two minutes. Yeah.
So where'd you find this dick-slinging king? Stallion. That's the answer.
You have a stallion. What was the question? Is like, now I'm really sore and I don't know if I have enough energy to go again tomorrow because the sex was so good.

I had sex for two minutes and this guy made me orgasm 17 times. It was incredible.

Girls don't come.

Damn.

Sup, Thick Cat, not so vertically challenged PFT and producer of the year, Hank.

Whoa.

My ex-girlfriend wants to hook up next week because both of our birthdays fall on that week and she wants to hang out.

She just called things off with her fiance like two weeks ago after seeing me at a wedding.

We dated back in high school and I'm out of college now. I know I'll see her at the bar Wednesday night and I don't know what to do.
Oh yeah, she's got a kid. Do I go through with it even though she's got a kid? Does she want to get back together and have me raise some dude's baby? I'm leaning towards just saying fuck it and doing it, but I guess give me your take.
Thanks. Well, first of all, we don't kid shame.
No. That's mean.
I mean, it's got a factor in the equation now. No, we don't kid shame.
Well, I mean, by having a kid that is kind of selfish and she's ruining the planet. I would think about it.
Because I have a kid. It would be on a pros and cons list.
If Big Cat was trying to take me home, I would honestly think I don't want to have to walk out of his bedroom holding my shoes in my hand tomorrow morning and have his kid in the living room, and then I'll have to make small talk about it. Terrible.
Yep. Yep.
Yeah, I think this guy already knows the answer to this question because he's going to get way too drunk on Wednesday and just have sex with her. Yeah, he's going to do it anyways.
He's also kind of convincing himself that it's a good thing to do. You know how he threw in, like, it's both our birthdays, so that's why we're going to hang out? Birthday week.
Yeah, so we both have the same birthday, so I guess I got to fuck her. Naturally, I always see my ex-girlfriends on our birthday week.
And then he was also saying that she saw him at a wedding, and that's why she broke up with her fiancé. Correct.
So it would almost be a disservice to her if he didn't hook up with her because she threw away her life. Dude, you're just a rebound.
She broke up with her fiancé. She's not getting married.
She just wants to fuck somebody. So do it.
So just do the honorable thing. Wrap it up.
What's up, guys? Especially Aaron's cat. Does pumpkin pie make the Mount Rushmore of pie? Yes.
No. No.
Yeah. Definitely not.
I like a good pumpkin pie. No, but that's not what he asked.
Yeah. Mount Rushmore.
No. No.
Four pies. Definitely not.
Pumpkin pie, sweet potato pie. I like cheesecake, which is a pie.
And I like chocolate pie. So you just left off apple pie? Oh, apple's good.
Pizza pie. Oh, blueberry's good, too.
Blueberry pie. Strawberry rhubarb pie.
Peach pie. Peach papaya.
I'm going to substitute. Pumpkin pie does not make.
It's fine for Thanksgiving. It is in no way on the Mount Rushmore.
We've become who we hated. I know.
But Hank knew that. He's been doing this.
He's been subversive to us for the last couple days. Okay, pumpkin pie.
I'm going to take off sweet potato because it's too similar to pumpkin. I don't even know what subversive means.
They're both fall pies. Pumpkin, cheesecake, chocolate, apple.
Boom. All right.
We'll end with this idea. Chocolate pie, isn't that just cake? No, it's chocolate.
It's like more of a pie. I mean, I'm down for it.
It's flourless. No, it's flourless.
Okay. There's no sponginess to it.
That's like calling it a pizza. Yeah, the answer is ice cream cake.
All right. This is a genius idea that I think we need to contact these people and get involved with it.
Sup, Big Cat, Wee Man, PFT, and Hank.

Oh.

My lab partner and I were thinking of a business that's on the edge of being inappropriate but not illegal.

We came up with a restaurant solely based off the human body.

Everything is named or based off the body.

I call it the Cadaver Cafe.

Meat could be served off a skeleton, rolled to your table, and and have chicken fingers, ribs, and soup in a skull head. I think this person just finally discovered that when they eat food and meat that it actually comes from something's body and their mind is just blown by that.
Yeah, this isn't a good idea. So yeah, unless you're trying to market to cannibals and I don't think cannibals are big spenders really they just like to source their products free range for free there's one more on the animal side you thought that was a good idea yeah cadaver cafe what would you.
I would like soup out of a skull.

Sounds pretty sweet.

That's definitely happens at Nick Cage's house.

Brain stew.

Mm hmm.

Hey, boys, especially Hank, winky face.

I'm going to Thanksgiving on my boyfriend's side of the family and we're going to a very

rural town.

His uncle.

What?

Rural.

I'm OK with that.

I've had trouble.

Rivalry week. Rural.
Hey, you just sound like you were purring Like you were Like you were a cat I had peanut butter in my mouth Yeah Please cat Rural Lava His uncle who hosts Has a man cave With over 20 mounted animals On the walls He even has stuffed zebra heads Hanging up I'm too scared To even look at them But my boyfriend insists I should act like it's normal In order to fit in and impress his family what do i do uh bring 40 pizzas and have a medium in 30 days i think you do that or you could uh find the local bat that lays white guano and then recover it and then bring it back to the village and then you're a hero because it sounds like you were just stuck in that room from ace mature too too. Yeah, this sucks, because I would say an entire room of animal heads probably would be creepy.
It's a literal man cave. Yeah, it is.
I guess it is. So, yeah, I guess act natural.
I guess your boyfriend's giving you the best advice. Just, you know, act natural in someone else's home.
I don't know. I don't know.
Be yourself. Be yourself.
Bring your own carcass. Well, no, being herself means she'll probably, like, throw, like, PETA fake blood all over it.
So don't be yourself. It would be rude to show up empty-handed.
So on your way there, try to run over a deer and then bring that inside. Be like, there you go.
There it is. Like a cat making an offering.
Here we find it. All right, let's do our interview with Hasan Minhaj.
minaj and everyone have a healthy happy safe thanksgiving and we will see everyone on sunday night love you guys okay we now welcome on a very special guest it is comedian hassan minaj he's got the patriot act on netflix you gotta watch it he is uh a alumni alumnus from The Daily Show. He did the White House Correspondence Dinner.
He had a one man show called Homecoming King. If you don't know who he is, you're going to know who he is.
And you got to watch Patriot Act. So new season's coming out.
Yeah, this Sunday, man. November 10th.
Okay. First of all, good to see you.
We actually have shared dinner before. So we should get that out of the way so people know.
Oh, our personal relationship? Yeah. PFD and I were at a dinner and you were there as well.
I don't think we even spoke, but you could feel us, right? I could feel your guys' energy for sure. I think I spoke to you a couple times.
You were like, hey, what's up? Did we look out of place? It was a giant table. That's what I remember about it.
Yeah, it was a huge table. I think everybody looked out of place.
It was an interesting combination of people. Yeah, we're friends with Tommy, and he invites us to these places.
The Tommy. The Tommy, and it's always a little awkward for us because we just always feel out of place when we go to these very accomplished people, and then they go around, and they're like, what do you do? And everyone's like, oh, I play in the NBA, or I have a Netflix special.
We're like, we have have a podcast and everyone has a podcast. Well, that's what was funny.
It was, it was big podcast talk in the room though. At that dinner, it just so happened that out of the 20 people or so that were there, I think 19 of them had a podcast that were based in Brooklyn.
Our, our big, the way we stood out was our podcast is based in Manhattan. Yeah.
So it's like, we're so out. We're big leagues.
Yeah. Yes.
But yeah, it's good to have you here. Thanks, man.
I've watched your show. I followed what you did on The Daily Show ever since you came up with Jon Stewart there.
Appreciate that. That must have been like a dream gig, huh? Yeah, man.
He's the GOAT. Yeah.
He's Mount Rushmore. You know what I mean? Okay.
Nice. For me, I think- Nice pander.
Yeah. I think everybody- That's not a pander.
Let's have the full analysis. No, no, no.
That was good pander. I would say Stewart and Colbert.
No, you were pandering to our audience, so you didn't even realize what you did. We do a Mount Rushmore segment all summer long.
Oh, I didn't know that. I was like, I'm pandering to Stewart.
No, no, no. People will come in, and it's clear that...
Yeah, I think Michael Jordan's one of the greatest of all time. Good pander.
Good pander. It's a good pander.
I would agree with you. I think it's Stewart, it's John Oliver, Trevor Noah, and Craig Kilbourne.

You're not Rushmore, Daily Show hosts.

Oh, okay, okay.

Yeah.

I think the two that everybody, you bear their fingerprints, is either Colbert or Stewart.

Mm-hmm.

To me.

To me.

So you went through the transition, too.

I was there the transition.

Yeah, so how was that?

Was it Rocky to go from, I would imagine having a presence like that and john stewart and then being like all right well he's gone dude i just gotten i just proposed to my wife we're about to get married and he announces that he's leaving i'm like dude you cannot do this to me man yeah you cannot do this to me i told him this i was like i feel like i'm playing for the 98 bulls yeah it's the party's

over yeah yeah i'm like come on dude stick around yeah um and i remember like at one of his meetings when he announced this in front of like all the writers he was like so i'm gonna be leaving and blah blah blah and i go hey man you're gonna come back though like mj with the wizards and he looked at me and he was just like no no i'm done and everybody in the room everybody in the room was like mj and the wizards yeah you know what i mean this is like this is like a political right comedy

right no no i'm done and everybody in the room everybody in the room was like mj and the wizards yeah you know what i mean this is like this is like a political comedy writing room right right yeah he shows up on uh on fox news like four years later just doing a show there um he so when he leaves were you trying to did you have any designs on maybe taking that job as being the guy on the daily show they were you know they were offering it to big heavy hitters, right? Like Chris Rock was in the mix, Amy Schumer. I was like, I just got to keep my job, man.
Like it was one of the first times in my life I had health insurance. You guys have health insurance? Yeah.
I think so. Now? You guys have health insurance? We were talking about it last week.
We're 90% sure we have health insurance. Didn't for a long time.
But I think ever since we moved to New York and like cleaned this thing up, we all have health insurance. My health care is important, man.
It's like walk it off. That's my health care.
Walk it off. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
To me, it was that for a long time, prayer and walk it off. Yes.
Yeah, so you had health insurance. And so I was like, I got to keep this.
And just to be able to, like, consistently pay rent. So as that transition, I'm super grateful.
Like, Trevor took over the show. And any time you have, like, you know, a new new host of a thing you would imagine they're going to clean house so i was like oh i'm i'm gone but trev was so great he kept me klepper you know jessica williams and and that was i tell him this all the time i was like that was critical for me financially yeah that is the sport the sports analogy there is when a new gm comes in totally oh i didn this guy.
Yeah. I don't care.
I have no loyalty to him. Yeah.
So you survived that and obviously flourished. I was reading an article about you and it said that you like to do comedy with a message.
Can you explain that? Dude, I don't know. No, no, but here's the follow-up.
It's going to be the eye roll. No, no, no.
I want to know what you really mean by that, because I think we do comedy with a message. Like, you talk about important issues.
Have you discussed Mike Francesa farting on radio? No, I have not. So you don't do the important issues.
Yeah, so I don't push it. That's what I'm saying.
When it comes to true biting stuff that's speaking truth to power, it's you guys. Right.
Okay, so you, yeah, so you're kind of a fraud. I am.
Yeah, all right. That was really the question fraud that's why i'm here dude i'm here to acknowledge greatness no but seriously do you you like the comedy i think there's a weird we're in a weird spot in the world right now where when you say like oh i just want to make people laugh or um try to make people laugh people like well all these issues aren't very funny dude it's you know what it is and it's it's sports is such a great analogy for it you just got to make people feel something People are like, well, all these issues aren't very funny.
You know what it is? Sports is such a great analogy for it. You just got to make people feel something, man.
That's really what it is. And the people that we watched growing up that meant a lot to us made you feel a thing.
It was more than just, oh, they have so many receptions or they dunk a certain way. They made you feel.
And the people that I admired the most most they would be able to play in silence really well Chappelle Carlin Pryor Rock those guys like live in silence and like the stuff that you talk about after you go see one of their shows on the drive home there's a lot of the those pockets of silence right so when you say live in silence it's like they're doing a stand-up routine and there are some times where it's not necessarily like there's no punchline you crush you come out of an applause break yeah then you like you pivot into sort of this monologue where all right you're kind of do you know what i'm saying it's like a joke and then you're like but seriously yeah and then you say the serious part the best comics to me are go you're you're joking not joking which gives you the ultimate power as court jester like dude i'm joking i'm not joking but i'm joking but i'm making you laugh about it yeah i i agree with that i think that if you can make somebody laugh while delivering a message the message is 10 times more likely to get through yeah if you just lecture somebody about it but the best ones they're like, there's no message, dude. There's no message at all.
Yeah. I tricked you into thinking there was a message.
There's no message, dude. Come on, I'm not virtue signaling.
Fuck the message. The message is coming from inside your brand.
Dude, Supreme's awesome. Yeah.
The best. I love Supreme and I love Carlisle Group.
What's wrong with that? Yeah, it's great. Yeah.
Bro, fuck the message. Fucking Supreme and Carlisle Group is the shit.
See, yeah, I think you're actually, you're smarter than us. You know what I mean to me? That's like, that's the yeah bro fuck the message fucking supreme and carloff who's the shit see yeah i think you're actually you're smarter than us that's like that's the right yeah it's almost i think the best message is when you accidentally make a message but you didn't even realize it yeah so then people are like why do you think that and you're like i don't even know can i tell you what lebron should have done with this whole like hong kong situation he should have worn a hoodie that says that just says i am just an athlete and then it has the flag of china on the back and be like dude i'm just i'm just an athlete yeah he should have been like i'm gonna shut up and dribble yeah and reverse it on everything yeah that's what he should have been the reverse he did the worst possible outcome you could yeah just said like you won i'm not gonna say anything or you know what he could have said he's be like you really want me to be up on like politics? There's too much to keep up on.
Well, our take on it was that LeBron, in a weird way, actually helped America's education on what's going on there because I didn't really read about it until LeBron fucked up. And I was like, ooh, I've got to hammer LeBron because I hate him.
I better read up. You're like, I've got to read up on these 60 days of protests.
What are they protesting about? Yeah, right. Like, I get my case for how LeBron is a scumbag has to be airtight.
So then I read way, like, more than I ever would have on China. Because I think everybody who was just looking at, like, the front page of the newspaper was just like, look, there's just a bunch of hypebeasts in Hong Kong.
Yeah, right, right, right. Honestly, when you look at the photos of the protesters, I was like, oh, this is the protesters brought to you by hypebeast.com.
Right. They look great over there.
The fits were incredible. It would have been great.
Has nobody brought up like how good the fashion was for the Hong Kong protesters? You have to look good when you're protesting, you know, democracy. Dude, the texture.
I don't know who fit them. John Elliott.
Who was on it? I don't know. It's a great way to get more recognition in the United States.
Well'll see people over here being like yeah if you if you can look that awesome while protesting that's something i want it's like when the hot felon goes viral they're like right this hot felon right like look at his mug shot he's so hot right yeah but he's a felon right like yeah but he's but look at those eyes yeah right he's so dreamy yeah yeah i i think that if lebron had come out and said if he had been way too educated about china that would have been a good move too to like start lecturing us about the price of steel tariffs and things like that and what it's doing to to rural communities that would have been wild though yeah that would have been great if he dropped like a full-on monologue yes yeah we're all on we're all on house of highlights we're like huh yeah it's so the monologue is so long it has to be on an IGTV video. You're like, he goes for four and a half minutes.

You have to click the keep watching.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Keep watching just to get to the steel tariff.

Yeah.

At least he didn't advocate for capturing the Dalai Lama.

He drew the line there.

He didn't say anything about Tibet.

That used to be a big thing.

They had the three Ts, right?

Tibet, Tiananmen, and what's the third?

I forget the third.

Taiwan.

Taiwan.

There you go.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Three Ts.

People stopped talking about Tibet recently.

These are the third. Taiwan.
Taiwan. There you go.
Yeah. Yeah.
Three T's. People stopped talking about Tibet recently.
They used to have concerts. Yeah, totally.
There used to be like a big free Tibet movement. Totally.
What happened to Kony 2012? You guys know? We found him. No.
You guys found him? We found him. He's a fraud.
Okay. Yeah.
That was a great one. The dude that set up that entire video, didn't he? He lost his mind, right? Yeah.
He got arrested for jacking off in public. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, well, either that or Coney got to him. Yeah.
And gave him some trouble. Are we all the same age? I'm 34.
Yes, we are. 34, 1985.
So what do you feel about our generation or this generation of players and all the social media activity? Well, first of all, let me jump in and say that Big Cat's a boomer. So Big Cat's older.
Oh, you're the greatest generation? Yeah, he's a day older than I am. So he's a boomer.
Are you birthday week? When were you born? September 23rd, 1985. Okay, so we're way older.
Yeah, you're a baby. He's January 31st.
Were you in our grade? 85 though, right? Yes. Were you in our grade? Were you young for your age? I was, yes, I was younger.
I was younger. You graduate college.
I graduate high school class of 03. Okay, same.
College, I can't tell. I stayed for a fifth year, so I mean.
You did? I had to. What do you mean you had to? Dude, I didn't finish.
Oh, okay. I couldn't cut it as pretty much.
Yeah, no, that's solid. That's solid.
But, sorry, your question is social media in the NBA? Correct. I think the people are, I think the athletes.
I'm talking about the Kevin Durant responding to tweets. I'm talking about Devin Booker, no double, no double, no double during pickup games.
This sort of stuff. I think we're in a very weird age or time.
And we actually are the last generation. I would say if you're 30 to 34, 35, you're the last group of people that remember what it was like to grow up without cell phones.
Yes.

And now everything is watched.

Everything is taped and it's fucks with your head pretty bad.

I think we're in a weird uncharted territory where when you have to like look over your

shoulder and be like, oh, that person I'm walking down the street, he's taking a picture

of me.

He's taking a video of me.

These people hate me.

These people are going on their burner and yelling at me.

It fucks with everyone's head. So I feel bad for them.
them you're grading them on a curve a little bit yes definitely i oh i mean if michael jordan was if michael jordan or magic johnson was on social media in the social media age could you imagine the shit that's true that's true like i think that kevin durant is probably using social media in the healthiest way possible for him having the burner yeah yeah because he all his thoughts out there, at least. He's not he's not pretending that he's not reading all the shit because every other guy that says that they don't pay attention, they don't read, they don't see the haters, they don't name search.
They're all fucking lying. You know what? Everyone does.
You know what Kevin Durant should say? He should be like, look, man, I'm just like Mitt Romney. All right.
Yeah. Yeah.
All right. We all got to have a burner.
Yeah. What was Mitt's burner name? It was Pierre Delectolecto oh that's a great that's a great burner as far as burner names go that's that's up there top three yeah i do think though there's this like weird we're gonna look back maybe not because we probably aren't gonna get smarter but we're probably if everything worked out we'd look back like in 10 years and be like wow remember when we didn't really know how to use social media or our cell phones and everyone just kind went all in and we're like oof that was my black mirror take is there's going to be the new luxury experience is going to be oh you go to this camp and there's no phones yeah there's no called the masters yeah they take away your phone that's literally everyone's like oh the masters is so great you don't look at your phone because they take it away it's like.
That's why you pay all that money? Yeah, they transport you back in time to like 1980 because it's $2 for a cheese sandwich. And they don't let minorities in.
Yeah, it's only old white guys. Dude, it's the good old days.
Occasionally, Condoleezza Rice walks across the fairway and people freak out. They're like, what the hell is going on? Come on, meltdown.
Yeah, exactly. if Condoleezza Rice went across the fairway and just took a knee what would happen to the Masters? If she took a knee during the National Anthem In the middle.
Do they play the National Anthem on the Masters? I don't think so. I don't think so.
Does the Masters hate America? No I don't think so. Yeah why does the Masters hate America? Comment below why does the Masters hate America? So you think it's going to be there will be like the new Coachella with no cell phones?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I kind of agree with that.

I'm okay with that.

That sounds really nice to me.

And the thing is if you reach a certain level in life where other people recognize you and other people are talking about you online, you start to want to get away from all that by whatever means necessary.

But then to get to that place in life where you have people talking about you all the time, a lot of times you need to use social media to get there, whether it's marketing or whatever. So it's like a catch-22.
You need it to get there, and then once you get there, you're like, fuck this. I don't want to be glued in all the time.
I don't want to be listening to what everyone says. I think Kevin Durant, at least he admits that he pays attention to that.
And now he's starting to respond from his own Twitter accounts and from his own Instagram accounts. That's like his full-time job now.
He'll quote people now? He's more of a reply guy. Kevin Durant's a reply guy.
He's a reply, so he'll just hit you with the at. He's not going to give you the full timeline, love, with the quote tweet.
He won't. No, definitely not.
Won't answer text messages either. Won't answer text messages to come on the show.
Yeah. Or DMs.
Hey, do you guys have his personal number?

Yeah.

Yeah, I got it last week.

I texted him and he hasn't answered. Are we talking about a 917?

What are we talking about?

What area could we look at?

I don't know.

What is it?

I'm not going to reveal that.

Still 510?

You can't reveal that?

Yeah.

No, I don't think he's ever coming on.

But I think it's healthy to at least respond to it in some way, shape, or form rather than

just stew about it and get mad all the time and have that anxiety in the back of your

head like, I'm out there.

I had a bad game tonight. People are talking shit.
Let's see what they're saying oh shit, I really fucked up well it's also one of those weird things where you'll hear people always be like I don't listen to the haters, I don't read the haters no one in the history of the world has just not listened to the feedback have you guys gone to that level now where athletes and stuff are coming after you guys? I mean if you count Taylor Luan as an athlete I guess yeah once or twice I don't know yeah remember that back in the day when we were growing up Peter Vesey used to be like according to my sources Kevin Garnett's going to the Bulls and people would get mad at Peter Vesey who the fuck are your sources Peter Vesey but are you guys the new according to my sources guys no we were my dog my dog breaks news so that's a nice way to kind of deflect it so they can't get mad at us all right it's like dude you're getting mad at a dog can i put you guys blinds can i put you some hard-hitting journalism yeah this is free 99 you don't you don't gotta pay me okay can you guys have shams charani on the show and go how the fuck do you get all these leaks yeah i mean we'd love to have him or him and woge or or just we'll get that fucking kid in la who got everything wrong and then the internet just roasted him. Oh, dude.
That kid in LA was the Nate Silver of sports. Oh, he sucks.
He had one good. He dropped the ball, bro.
I was so pumped. I did the follow and message when the notifications on for his next tweet after he was wrong.
I was like, I got to fucking wait. I cannot wait till he tweets again.
And then he dropped the, there was a material change to my information. Which is so great.
It's so great. It's the best excuse.
What does that even mean? It's a material change. Yeah, like he was, what he was reporting was right, and then it completely changed.
It changed. That's all I gotta say.
It just means that something changed. It basically is just, you were wrong, but you can say at some point you were right.
That's great. I'm gonna use that, man.
Yeah. You should absolutely.
Why were you late? There was just a material change. Yeah.
I used it when we. In the circumstances by which I was being transported.
Why is our army in Iraq right now? Well, there was a material change. We lose a gambling.
Like, hey, the pick was right. There was a material change.
They played the game and I was wrong. If Hillary had just said that when she was getting grilled about her voting record on the war, just like there was a material change after I said yes and troops over.
Yeah. I think she'd probably be president right now um you said that you're an ice cream addict and i want to question you on that because i don't think you are why is that how much ice cream do you eat how much ice cream do i yeah how much ice cream when i eat i go hard no how much ice cream do you eat uh i would say probably maybe once a week that's not that's not an addict that's not no what's an addict give me an addict open a pint, do you finish it? No, there's no way.
You're close to an addict. Dude, I eat two popsicles a day now.
I've never. Two popsicles a day.
Yeah, like nice creamy popsicles. In what circumstance are you.
I'm not talking about fruit popsicles. I'm talking about cookies and cream ice cream.
Whoa. Popsicles a day.
We'll cut that part. I've got it.
No, no, no. Don't cut it.
Don't cut it. Don't cut it.
Keep it raw. Fine.
Roast me. Roast me roast me roast me I'm not roasting you I'm just saying well I actually kind of am roasting you I'm like there's no way you can't be 34 years old and have two popsicles of death I do how long has this been going on for? the last like three weeks why have you been lying I've been lying I've been hiding it there's a difference wait hold.
Break this down for me. Give me the time.
Okay, so it's always... You come back from your kingdom of podcasting.
Yeah, so I... You get home.
I typically get home anywhere between 9 p.m. and midnight.
Got it. So I get home.
I have a popsicle. I sit down on the couch.
Sit down on the couch. What's playing in the background? What kind of popsicles are you talking about? So they're kind of low-cal, but they are ice cream.
It's like 90 calories per popsicle.

It's cookies and cream.

Sometimes there's a hot cocoa popsicle. So it's like ice cream on a stick.

It's not a full – okay, when you say popsicle, we're thinking like the red flavor popsicle

that makes your lips look like you're five.

That would be insane.

I was imagining you have two firecrackers back-to-back.

Remember the red, white, and blue?

The bomb pops.

Yeah.

You finish one and you go, I'm an adult.

I have disposable income.

And you have a second one.

It's not skinny cow. It's not skinny cow.
Don't do skinny cow, man. No, but that's those.
Yeah. It's ridiculous.
It's popsicles that have little fun facts on them too. Right, right.
So it's like if I eat another one, I get to learn something. So I'm basically studying, but I'm just sitting on my couch eating ice cream.
You know what's funny? It's like, you know how like a company will do like product testing and they'll be like, look, the average age of our consumer is right around eight years old. And then there'll be one dot.
Yeah. That's 35.
And that's you. That's me.
There's some outliers. Wait.
So, but you're not an ice cream addict. You're not even close.
I'm saying. You are a fraud ice cream addict.
Sure. You open a pint and you don't finish it? You have a whole pint? Yes.
You can't open a pint. It's actually not that much.
I mean, it's not like I finish. A pint is about, yeah, you're right.
A pint is about, say, this big. It's your average Ben and Jerry's is a pint.
I won't finish it all in one bowl, but I will eat half of it and then be like, oh, let me just have a little bit more. And then I'll be like, well, I might as well finish it.
Got it. So it's like a 30-minute process.

I'll do about half.

You're not an ice cream addict.

You just like ice cream.

I like it.

Okay.

So we need to fact check that.

Fact check that.

It's a hobby.

It's a hobby.

Like, all I think about is ice cream.

You have it every day?

Well, I'm trying to lose weight, so no.

But if I could, I would have it every single day.

It's like, hey, do you want a beer?

No, I'll have an ice cream.

You would have ice cream over beer? 100%. Wow.
Absolutely. Absolutely.
I love ice cream. Where are we at with Cherry Garcia? I like Cherry Garcia.
Oh, come on. Dude, let's end this.
Well, that's because I'm also a Grateful Dead fan, so I like Cherry Garcia because of the whole thing. Got it.
Not my favorite. Ben and Jerry's, what's your flavor? Fish food.
What's that? Fish food. It's chocolate.
I thought you were like, fresh food. No, fish food.
It's chocolate. It's got a marshmallow swirl.
It's got these little fish. It's good.
That are chocolate fish. Caramel.
Really good. Peanut butter cup's good.
Half baked. How has Americone Dream not made this rotation? I didn't want any candor to you.
Oh, that's the Colbert one? Yeah, I didn't want any candor to you. You're such a sucker.
You're a coaching tree. Yeah, you are a bootlicker.
Oh, I'm a bootlicker? Yeah, I mean, you're just buying your fucking bosses with not your boss. I don't work for Colbert.
Same thing. Dude, I genuinely love a combination of vanilla, ice cream cone, chocolate, and caramel swirl.
And boots. And a little bit of boot, if it can help me.
So what? You're just trying to get on a late night talk show. This is brought to you by Ben & Jerry's.
Ben & Jerry's America. You're looking for a scoop of Ben & Jerry's.
You're looking for a scoop of Ben & Jerry's. You're looking for a scoop of Ben & Jerry's.
You're looking for a scoop of Ben & Jerry's. You're looking for a scoop of Ben & Jerry's.
You're looking for a scoop of Ben & Jerry's. You're looking for a scoop of Ben & Jerry's.
You're looking for a scoop of Ben & Jerry's. You're looking for a scoop of Ben & Jerry's.
You're looking for a scoop of Ben & Jerry's. You're looking for a scoop of Ben & Jerry's.
You're looking for a scoop of Ben & Jerry's. You're looking for a scoop of Ben & Jerry's.
You're looking for a scoop of Ben & Jerry's. Oh, it has potato chips in it? I think so.
That's it? I think so. That's gross.
I think Jimmy Fallon's a weird guy. Hey, remember the time you got stuffed in the celebrity game? Oh, dude, I got swatted, bro.
Yeah, that sucked. Not stuffed.
Stuffed is about right, actually, because I look like a fourth grader. When you were into the fourth grade, you go, ooh, he's stuffed.
What were you thinking there? What was I thinking? Yeah. Who stuffed him? I'm a volume shooter.
Oh, yeah, who did stuff you uh rookie of the year uh for the wmba last year uh yeah she stuffed me she's like the shit yep yep so that sucked yeah no i don't regret it did the ball go out of bounds or back in your face or what she it went out of bounds yeah so that's a swat it was a swat that's more proper stuff here's what i know you can't get stuffed in that game here. I'm not passing the ball.
No. Every time I touch the ball, I'm going and I'm going to shoot.
Here's the thing I also know. I haven't played in a long time.
I have a full-time job. So we're going to go a high percentage shot.
We're going to drive to the hoop. No.
Listen. And I drove to the hoop and I got swatted by a professional athlete.
No, you can't get stuffed. You can't fall.
If you fall, you can't air ball. Those are like the three things you can't do in a celebrity game so i've been stuffed yeah you airballed uh i have airballed yep and i got i got crossed up by the stranger things yes i would just wait which kid the kid with no teeth uh no no not the kid with no 11 um not 11 no no no no no girl that died barb crossed you up no what's his name frank no tony the one black kid the little black you up.
No. What's his name? Frank? No.
Tony. The one black kid.
The little black kid. Pussy Bump and Sarah.
That's his name? No, I don't know who you're talking about. I just...
In Stranger Things. I know who you're talking about.
I don't know who I'm talking about. Yeah, but he crossed you up.
No, no, no. He did a double cross.
The first... It was like Iverson on...
Lucas. Lucas.
Okay. There it is.
So he did the first cross.

I went for it.

The crowd goes, ooh.

He comes back for a second cross.

I steal it.

They start booing me.

Yeah, you stole from a kid. You don't.

No, no, man.

That's not fair.

Anybody gets this work.

It doesn't matter.

No, no, no.

They're like, oh, he's 10.

No, he's 14. No, but he's 10 in the show.
In the show. We're not doing it through casting.
No, it doesn't matter what he is in real life. When Asia swatted me, she wasn't like, I'm swatting a civilian here who's a weekend warrior at best.
You're older than her. You brought the weak shit to the rim.
You're also 15 years older than her. You know what's that? It wasn't my weak shit.
I was trying really hard. Even if you had swatted Gary Coleman, God rest his soul, while he was still alive and 40 years old or whatever, that would still be a bad look.
I've given respect to the great one. Yeah, that's true.
Wait, what was your stat line in that game? I think I actually did pretty decent. I scored like, I would say like eight, nine points.
Okay, that's not bad. And you got crossed up by a 10-year-old.
The first year that i got crossed up by a 10 year old and stole twice i played twice dude this is my dream don't don't wait you can take a lot of things away from me this is my dream i'm gonna play every year you got crossed up the first time and then you went back the second i went back from okay i think i scored like 13 or 14 points that year okay but everyone remembers the cross up yeah were you playing against my i had a critical i had a critical score this year where i stole the ball in a celebrity game don't even fucking say that these things matter game winning basket yeah but it but it but i think it tied the game up who won shak's team or chris carter's uh neither kevin hartz you're telling me if you got asked to play in the celebrity mlb i would i would play you're not telling me you would play. You would be in full under on her.
Oh, no, no. I'd play.
You would full on going 110%. I would play, but I would make sure that there was no moments like that.
Like if I played in the basketball game, I would rebound. I wouldn't shoot.
Zero defense. I would play defense, but I'd play off guys like 15 feet.
Like, go ahead. You can cross up all you want.
I'm going to let you shoot. I'm going to give you that.
No, no, no. Shooter, shoot.
No, see, the move is to give them the shot. Rosenberg told me this.
Don't play defense. Yeah, absolutely.
Just stand flat-footed. Let him dribble around you, but you don't get put on how many things.
No one remembers that you did the LeBron defense where he just stops. He hasn't played defense in two years, and people just don't mention that.
He defends China. That's an interesting part about him.
That's true. I read that you were one of the most – the 100 most influential people in the world.
You're on that list? Yeah, and I'm here. So basically everything that's wrong with the world is your fault? It's my fault, 100%.
I take full responsibility for everything that's wrong. I'm talking about our reliance on fossil fuels.
I'm talking about what's happening right now with the pollution in India. It's all my fault.
This is your doing the butt part of the joke that we were talking about, the silence. That was good.
You just got that in there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
How much you judged for an Instagram ad? You know what that was just now right now? Yeah. You guys get this.
You're athletes. What I did right there was just the first shimmy on the cross.
The hessie hay. The hessie.
Yeah. And then I hit you with the full, the second one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And remember Kobe in early 90s, that first Adidas commercial that he did?

Iverson, too, they would rock it all the way up here.

Oh, yeah.

And then they would do the full rock.

That was the full rock.

It's a carry.

Yeah, it's a carry.

I'm like, the ball.

It was a carry.

My dad used to get really mad at the TV.

That was the OG traveling before Hardin.

Yes.

Yeah.

So what do you charge for an Instagram ad if you're so influential?

What do I charge for an Instagram ad?

Yeah.

I haven't done any hashtag ads yet.

Like, the Kardashians get, like, a million dollars for an ad. Fit Tummy T hasn't reached out to me yet.
Fuck. Dude.
The diarrhea tea that makes you really skinny, yeah. Would I do it? Yeah, would you do a Fit Tummy Tee one? Depends on how much weight they make me lose.
Beach body. Yeah, you should do that.
I wanted to bring up when you went, you went in front of Congress, didn't you? Yeah. Did you write down that joke? By the way, the way you're asking questions is great i love it well i mean hey man you hey did you speak to the government yeah i think you did get him out of here i don't know hey this is barstool sports you taught hey listen ever since you went to dc right ever since they brought in all like mark maguire and sammy sosa and rafael palmero i've always been like what does anyone just get to show up and ask questions dude that's what it takes to move the needle so that roast you had on uh on sean from real world oh you have that planned in the back of your head you're like yo sean from real world's on here i was i think he's what a congressman from wisconsin yeah i was like he's a member of congress he's a former mtv star i'm a former mtv star right i was like if he goes at me we gotta talk about this and you knew you could tell it bothered him oh he was sitting there for like two hours and he's like i'm gonna go at this guy yeah and i was like eight mile i was like i know something about you yeah what did he say to you he was saying something about i was watching the clip earlier he was basically saying like if you're a dumb kid you go to a bad school and if you're a smart kid you go to a good school and i was like and he's more of your aunt becky you just pay away it was a great roast yeah and then he's like sean you and i both been on mtv like we got those mtv checks i go you get it i was the star of mtv's disaster date season five yeah you're the star of real world you know what those mtv checks are like he was just like i'm gonna take back my time yeah time.
Yeah. He was pissed because he was like, you know, he's got the suit on.

He's like, I'm a real congressman.

I'm like, dude, you're in real world.

Come on.

Why are we taking ourselves so seriously?

Is he the vaping congressman?

No.

I love that guy.

That guy's my spirit animal.

That was awesome, though.

Thanks for that.

Yeah, that was.

So I was wondering if you actually.

So you did kind of.

You're like, I know this guy's going to be there.

Yeah.

If he comes at me. Yeah.
Yeah. He's an idiot.
He should have done his research, his oppo research. Yeah.
When you go on Wikipedia, when I read that, I was like, I cannot believe this. It was wild.
Yeah. He's got some balls.
Yeah. So the picture of you in your Vanity Fair article.
Yes. With all the lions around you.
Some of the lions, yeah. Yeah.
Was that real? It's not real. People keep asking me that.
Are you kidding me? It looks real. Dude, I'm a coward'm a coward no there's no way i could be around that many lions then they had like a video of the line walking up to you and you looking at the line so i thought it was real no the mark seliger who's the the the photographer who shot that he uh he apparently knows where there's lions so he went to la and shot them and then like put it together so he knows where lions exist.
Yeah. I don't know how it all went down.
He knows where they were. He was like, I'm going to shoot them separately.
I'll shoot you in this room. Just do what I'm telling you.
Pretend like a lion is walking towards you. Now sit down.
And I'm like, all right, man, I trust you, Mark. Why did you insist on having lions in the room with you? He was like, he was like, I like the way, you know, you sort of you go at these big world leaders like.
It's like you're in the lion's den. So he goes, we're going to make a den, and there's going to be lions in it.
And I'm like, what? But it's all going to be camera tricks. Yeah, but I got there.
There were no lions. But there was a den, and we just shot it.
Has there ever been a time? By the way, he's the one he shot King Jamesames too lebron which one like the oh the original og yeah like when he's in high school yeah yeah yeah yeah got it yeah yeah i mean lebron what does this tattoo say lions don't concern themselves no chosen one he has that one that's probably no i invented that i've seen the chosen you invented the chosen one i saw it from kairi yeah um has there ever been a time you've gone after someone a world leader or someone in you know great power and they've you could tell they came back at you like maybe you know followed you or did something to fuck with you no seriously man you know we got a lot of there's been several moments on the show that i've gotten death threats and you know it's been uh that that's. That's a mind fuck.
Erdogan keeps following you and unfollowing you. Yeah, and you're just like, come on, dude.
Don't fuck with me. Liking all your tweets, just letting you know he's there.
Do people get nervous about that? Yeah, man. I mean, look, I'm married.
I have a wife. I got a daughter.
It's weird. It's just a weird thing where it's not just about you anymore.
You got to start thinking about other people. And it's not necessarily even some of the people that you're criticizing.
The thing that, you know, I get concerned about is, all right, what if there's a person, just some wacko, they interpret it a certain way. Right.
Because I'm pretty public and I don't want to lose that part of me. Right.
I'll just walk through the street. I'll just walk through New York.
You know what I mean? Right. Damn.
That's so big of you. You just like walk with us.
No, it's not that. That's so crazy.
100 most influential person in the world. I'm talking about when you're pushing the stroller, man.
It's on his pants just like you and me. Like the week after those things, you know? Right.
Do you ever catch eyes with someone and they're like, wait, that guy didn't like what I said. The scariest part is when someone, a week, like say like like say like two days after something like that the white house correspondent center or something like you do this big international story and someone goes hey man right on that hey man you're just like what is this can go two directions right you know what i mean right and it's usually like i'm a big fan i would imagine yeah hey man like keep doing what you do people ever occasionally i've gotten a couple really yeah yeah where it gets a little weird and you're like dude i can't do this right now a couple of times it's happened on a plane and that's super uncomfortable that's the thing where i'm like oh i there's a lot to lose here there's everybody has their cell phones out like this is this is very strange that's crazy because we've always going back to like the kevin durant thing i think the internet people are very very, very mean.
And for the most part, whenever we meet people in person, they're very, very nice. Because people just face-to-face don't have that type of vitriol, I'm going to say whatever the fuck I want.
But you sometimes get it. I mean, we're a news-driven show, right? So we're delving into politics and stuff like that.
Ultimately, what I love about sports is it matters, but it doesn't matter at the same time. Do you know what I'm saying? And those things in life are beautiful.
I miss that. I miss having stuff like that.
Right. We also pulled a judo move where we taught our listeners that if they really like us, when they see us in public, to say, suck my dick.
That's locker room talk amongst the fellas. So when somebody says, hey, suck my dick, to me, even if they don't even know, they might trying to insult me uh-huh but in reality it's like oh that guy's a huge fan so you're just a huge fan of the show yeah thanks man appreciate it hey let's you know it's a little loud you know we're in public mixed company let's keep it quiet where's the weirdest place that's that's happened right at church happened to my mom one time yeah my mom was wearing a part of my take shirt oh no yeah shut the fuck up my mom was wearing a part of my take shirt.
Oh, no. Yeah.
Shut the fuck up. My mom was wearing a part of my take shirt, and someone was like, hey, suck.
And the guy didn't finish the saying. Well, didn't know it was his mom.
Didn't know it was my mom. Just saw the part of my take shirt.
Saw the part of my take shirt and goes, hey, suck, you know. And she's like, what? And he's like, we don't say that anymore because we told them not to say it anymore.
It was a bad idea. It was a bad idea.
It was a bad idea from the start, from the jump. That was like four years ago.
It was a good idea when we said it and then when it was in practice. It was funny in the room.
In this room. Outside these walls it takes on the life of itself.
How did mom handle it? She was a trooper. She didn't really understand what was going on.
She said some guy said that we don't say that anymore to me. And I was like okay.
Yeah. Alright.
that's fine so at least he didn't say the full thing yes uh you mentioned the white house correspondence center yeah so i feel like if you're a comedian taking that job it's kind of a no-win situation nah man it's the best gig you think so it's so fun really come on man you're making i don't know i don't i don't even i have never even watched one dude it's on youtube man i know and for free Open up your YouTube and let the recommended videos Just overtake your mind in free time Yeah let the algorithm just control it It's fun man You're making fun of the most powerful people in the world And their silence Is actually an indication of like You're doing great Do you think you nailed it? I had a lot of fun fun did you have people criticize you one way or the other yeah they're like oh you didn't go hard enough or you were you know i went pretty hard okay i'll take your word for it i'm not gonna watch you don't have to watch yeah yeah how hard did you go how hard did i yeah like would i have been able to swat it no no one's okay there we go no no no how hard hard is it going to? It's Kevin Johnson going baseline dunking on Hakeem Olajuwon. Like they didn't see it coming.
Yeah, they didn't see it coming. It's John Starks going baseline dunking on all the Bulls.
And technically, the poster looks better than what really happened. MJ wasn't really.
Right, no, it's a visual thing. Remember Kobe on Yao? Yeah, yeah.
No, I was going to say the Kobe MattMatt Barnes when the alternate angle came out last year. No, but if you also look at the Kobe-Yao-Ming, also Yao is slightly, but all that matters is the JPEG.
There's a lot of people out there who've gotten embarrassed by playing really good help defense. And that's not their fault.
Never try. Sliding over a little less in here.
In my mind, it was T-Mac on Sean Bradley. Okay.
Remember that one? I mean Sean Bradley. Sean Bradley's getting dunked on by everybody.
He's like a dunk slot. He's just been jammed on.
He's lucky that he wasn't social media age because it would have just been. There would have been like, who did Sean Bradley get faced up? Who was the TNT announcer when he dunked on Sean Bradley? It was one of my favorite ones.
He goes, oh, my. Tracy McGrady sucked the gravity right out of the building.

It's probably Kevin Harlan.

Yeah, Kevin Harlan sucked the gravity.

Sean Bradley owes so many guys, or they owe Sean Bradley so much money.

Dude, give him the respect.

Yeah, hit him on Cash App and give him commission.

Yeah, he's somewhere.

Not the V word.

That was very cool.

We're sponsored by Cash App.

Yeah, hit him on Cash App.

Good job.

There you go.

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All right, last question from me. SeatGeek question since we're doing ads.
Promo code TAKE. Put it in.
$10 off a SeatGeek purchase. So I was reading up on you and you, there was a quote that you basically are going towards the politically agnostic.
So you're not going for people who are hard and fast in their beliefs. I've considered myself someone like that.
Dude, I love people like you. So change my mind is the question.
I want people like Big Cat, people who are like, I'm not going to watch The gonna watch the correspondence dinner no because i don't want to bruh there's game of thrones then we got right the nba on tnt sure dude we got we then at right after the nba on tnt we got we got inside the nba then there's house there's so much stuff for me i do not care more than anything i'm just i've just come to the realization that everything's rigged sure on everywhere sure everything the world. Everything.
The world is rigged. Even the league.
Take care of yourself. Yeah, dude.
My Sacramento Kings got screwed over, right? Yeah. Oh, Kings fan.
Oh, come on. Don't.
I mean, that's tough. I'm loyal.
That's tough. Yeah, it's a tough world of it.
So change my mind. I try to talk about things on the show that affect your day-to-day life.
We're doing a big thing on mental health. Like, literally, like, all right, I'm trying to go to to therapy i'm trying to get help for anxiety or panic attacks this is how your insurance company is fucking you over the the thing i love doing on the show is i we actually tackle rubber meets the road issues do you know what i mean it's not these huge just look we have some episodes that are these huge esoteric things but i'm talking about people you went to high school with people that you you meet you're like this affects your day-to-day life you use amazon this is our episode on amazon.com you use this this is our episode on that that's great you can be completely agnostic be like dude i don't give a fuck i just want to be on whatsapp scrolling all day i want to watch inside the nba game of thrones dude put me in that movie up remember up like put the ipad in front of me i don't want to think about anything at all right nothing it's not the first 10 minutes yeah i'm just gonna cry yeah but i'm talking about the last part yeah no but that's cool to me that's rubber meets the road and i'll even have that argument sometimes with like people on the news team or even on the writer's team i'm like it has to affect people's lives when they actually live their day-to-day life that's a big part of the reason why I picked some of the topics that I picked.
I like that. You should do one on porn.
I'll tell you why. What part of it? I feel like the entire part.
Porn addiction? No, not porn addiction. Or just the industry.
The industry. Yeah, just the last five seconds of every porn.
I feel like we've been riding a gravy train for the last 20 years or 15 years in porn where it's free and it's everywhere. And you can get high-definition porn online.
You're not paying shit for anything. Nobody's clicking on those boner pills or click to play this sex game.
No one's clicking on horny singles in your area. We're all smart enough to know that that's bullshit.
Yeah, there's no horny singles in our area. Someone's paying for it, though.
Someone's paying for it. Right.
And I feel like it's about to fall apart sooner rather than later. Interesting.
Because I know that they're sucking, like, they're taking videos that don't belong to it. Because YouPorn doesn't make video, right? Uh-huh.
Pornhub doesn't produce that many videos. They're just stealing other people's art, putting it on their site.
I think the whole, like, YouTubization of porn is going to fall apart soon. So, Big Cat.
I think there's exploitation there. Let's take a 15-second time a 15 second time yeah big cat this is an example of a story that i would kill in the room right you you'd be like all right that's it well no the only thing i'd say is i definitely think people you know what i would legit click on those ads you know what legit i would say if it's about you know sex work i would figure out what the ultimate take is no he's right he's right hey that's right that's what i'm getting there's an important you either you either go you either go full into it or you don't so like i would tell him beat it out not okay done no but hit next like yeah there we go with step two all right so then we're done yeah yeah beat it up done yeah no you would i know what you would do you'd ruin point for us you don't that's a bad idea.
I actually just, I can't believe I told you to ruin porn for you. Yeah, you would.
Do you, do you check, do you check the news at all? At all? For real. Like.
It doesn't, it really doesn't matter. To be totally honest with you, I have not, like I'll, I'll be on Twitter.
So I'll be vaguely aware of some things. Kinda.
Yeah. used to care a lot more.
I get it. I think what did it for me was that I'm similar to you that I don't think you can change anyone's opinion anymore.
So I kind of gave up. To me, it's just about adding value, man.
That's it. Even our big episode that we did on insulin pricing, on drug pricing.
It's just like, just like dude come on we either have a parent or we have a loved one that's dealing with this on some level it's just it's to me it's all about rubber meets the road so you need to do like an extra scenes really focused on just me and be like jay cutler would have been this much better of a quarterback if his insulin prices were this much lower right and i'd have been like fuck you're like now about. Have you cried because of sports? Have you legit cried? Yeah, of course.
What part? Like, multiple times? Winning, losing, yeah. For real.
I mean, losing is more, it's like a whole body cry. And you assign a ton of value to the athletes.
You really care. No, no, no, no.
I know it's absolutely ridiculous. Can I tell you the moment where I was just like, this is a little bit too much.
This is the 2007 NBA All-Star game. It's in Vegas.
I go with my friends. This is the year I got chokeslammed by Michael Jordan's bodyguard outside of his birthday party.
I've told this story before. But there was this other moment the next day.
You deserved it. I deserved it.
I ran up on him and tried to get a high five. I was wrong.
Next day, we're at the craps tables. It's late at night.
We see all the players, right? Vince Carter is still popping. This is 07.
So he's still on the nets. He's still yakking on people.
He's still popping. He's still popping.
He's still in the league. He's still in the league.
He's still windmills. Yeah.
But we're talking, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're talking. Vinsanity.
Vinsanity. Two years after Vinsanity.
But he was he was still he was still doing this yeah yeah dunking on alonzo morning and stuff like that i see him at the craps table he's got the he's got the fitted he's got he's got the full steve harvey suit on just the big ass jacket doesn't fit him at all i see him he's at the craps table and and i'm like dude i want to talk to vince like vince was like my guy like that era 2001 2002 i was like vince carter so i go up to him my friend's like oh go go talk to him and i'm like i'm gonna I want to talk to Vince. Like Vince was like my guy.
Like that era, 2001, 2002, I was like Vince Carter. So I go up to him.
My friend's like, go talk to him. And I'm like, all right, I'm going to go talk to him.
And I go, hey, Mr. Carter, can I get a photo? Nobody's around him, by the way.
He's just talking to a girl. And he turns around and he just goes, come on, man.
I'm talking to a girl. Like in front of everybody.
And I like in that moment, have you ever have a moment where like you step out of your own body and you observe what's happening in the scene? And I'm like, Oh yeah, you're right. A 25 year old Indian kid just walked up to Vince Carter at two o'clock in the morning while he's trying to do what he's doing.
Right. Right.
What am I doing? Yes. What am I doing? That made you fall out of love with sports no no no assigning all this value of like vince how could you do this to me people are like on twitter right now kairi you did us dirty us dude when i was growing up my dad was like why do you have posters of these guys in your room nobody cares about you the way i do which was some mad like emotional guilt but it's kind of true yeah you just had posters of your dad you know i should have posters of my dad yeah and satya nadella and sundar pachai yeah you should those are the real goats you should get a fat head of ceos of microsoft and the ceo of google just up on my wall right yes just the true goats yes yes you know Dude, I'm never going to make the team.
No. So fucking brush up on your engineering and join these two dudes in greatness.
A sign of Steve Ballmer would be great to put on your kid's wall. Think about it.
If you're on your kid's wall, you had Sundar Pichai, Satya Nadella, Steve Ballmer, like posters of Mark Zuckerberg, Elon Musk. Like just these are your guys.
See, I disagree on

our relationship

with sports.

So sports in and of itself is beautiful, right?

Come on, man. You knew this growing up.

You start assigning...

Chris Webber betrayed us.

He betrayed us.

I find so much humor in that

and I love when fans are that attached.

We're not personally that attached. You gotta figure out out what it made me figure out was the line by which like all right i'm gonna take it up to this line and then after that i'm not you know see i i want the line i want to go you want no line you want to burn jerseys you want to do all that was the uh the utah fan who is like have gordon hayward have fun going to be lebron's B-word.
Like, that was a funny video. I love – fanaticism is hilarious to me because half of my brain is that meatball fan and half of it is smart enough to know how stupid the other half is.
That's beautiful. That's pretty much our show.
That's beautiful. That's pretty much our show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's beautiful.
Being like, we make fun of sports fans, but deep down, I kind of care too much. That's your joking, not joking.
Right, exactly. That's a full circle moment.
Alright, thank you so much. Thanks, man.
Patriot Act, Netflix, check it out. Sunday.
Sunday, appreciate it, and good luck with everything. Thank you, brother.
Appreciate you guys. Thanks, man.
I'm talking away Well, I don't know what I'm to. I'll say it anyway.

Today is another day to find you.

Shine away.

I'll be coming for your love, okay?

Shine away.

I'll be coming for your love, okay?

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on.
Come on. We'll be right back.
It's the best you can save this other day Come on J-O-J J-O-J J-O-J I'm a fool I'm a fool I'm a fool I'm a fool Thanks for listening to the podcast. Thank you.
I'll make your heart Take on me Take on me Take on me I'll make your heart Take on me Take on me All you Take a look at me. We got you.