Thanksgiving Double Episode, Danica Patrick, Hasan Minhaj + Football

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Speaker 1 All right. Here we go.
Three, two, one.

Speaker 1 On today's part in my take, a double-long episode for your Thanksgiving feast. We have Danica Patrick.
We have Hassan Minaj. We have Thanksgiving preview.
We have things we're thankful for.

Speaker 1 We have weekend preview. Holy shit, what a show.

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Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 let's go.

Speaker 1 Welcome to part of my take presented by the cash app. Go download it right now.
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Yep, that's true. Today is Wednesday, November 27th,

Speaker 1 and we have a double episode for you. A double episode.
We're going to tell you exactly where to stop.

Speaker 1 If you have to work on Friday, if you have to work on Friday, maybe quit your job right now because that's bullshit.

Speaker 1 Unless it's a bar that I'm going to be going to today, then please keep working. Yeah, at that job.
Or you're a ref and you're refing a college football game on Friday. Good point.

Speaker 1 We're going to need you there. At that job.
But we have a preview of Thanksgiving. We have a preview of the weekend.
We have everything. Before we do all that, though, Lamar Jackson is incredible.

Speaker 1 Let's clean that up. Yeah, let's clean Monday Night Football up real quick.

Speaker 1 He's insane. In the membrane.
He's making me nervous. Lamar Jackson is making me nervous.
Now, the Baltimore Ravens have been my Super Bowl pick since three weeks ago, I believe.

Speaker 1 But he's making me nervous just because

Speaker 1 I get worried anytime there's something this pure and fun and good that it's going to get taken away from us at some point. No, no, I'm not going to cancel him.
Oh, yeah, he's like a milkshake duck.

Speaker 1 I don't think he's going to get milkshake duck. No, you're talking about the I-word.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 I don't want to even say it. Okay.
I don't want to say the I-word. Influenza.
Your flu shots.

Speaker 1 I will say that he is a unique talent, and he's so much fun to watch. And I don't know that he's a puzzle that can be solved.
He's a Mongolian cluster not.

Speaker 1 What else can you do?

Speaker 1 I will never, ever say there's a puzzle that can't be solved in the NFL because the league, that's just how it works historically. But right now, he seems like a puzzle that can't be solved.

Speaker 1 If you're a defensive coordinator, what do you even try to do at this point?

Speaker 1 I think you just blitz. You just send everybody at him in hope.
Yeah. I don't know.
But the Ravens are so, so good, and they steamrolled the Rams.

Speaker 1 They have not punted in, they've punted twice in three games. Both those times, RG3 was the guy on the drive.
That's fine. So Lamar Jackson is so good, they just don't punt anymore.

Speaker 1 And that also is credit to

Speaker 1 Harbaugh for becoming an analytical-minded coach and going for it on fourth down, it seems like every time and having it work. But

Speaker 1 we were doing a live stream last night, and

Speaker 1 their offense is like illegal.

Speaker 1 What they do, they get four or five yards, chunk yards running the ball with ease. And the Rams definitely, there was a point in that game where they just just flat out quit.

Speaker 1 And they're like, we don't want to do this anymore. We don't want to have to tackle Mark Ingram.
We don't want to tackle Lamar Jackson. But they've been doing this now since whatever it was.

Speaker 1 So they were 2-2,

Speaker 1 and they had just gotten steamrolled by the Browns. And since that point, they have looked unstoppable.
Yeah. I think that, you know what I'm going to do here?

Speaker 1 I'm going to do the thing where I get ahead of a take that's coming out because Lamar Jackson, he's so good. Everyone's talking about how good he is.

Speaker 1 Just how good he is. There's no shortage of people that will tell you how good Lamar Jackson is.

Speaker 1 I'm going to say, you know, who's not getting enough credit is Mark Ingram. Yes.
And people are going to start talking more about Mark Ingram as people dig further into the Baltimore Ravens.

Speaker 1 But Mark Ingram is, he runs with authority. He's got nice big shoulder pads, like late 90s style shoulder pads.

Speaker 1 It might just be his neck, actually, that's making them look good. I was going to say his tinted visor and the mouth guard he uses are very intimidating.
The propeller?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I wouldn't tackle that guy either. So, yeah, the Ravens are on a roll.
This weekend, we'll get to the weekend preview after Danica Patrick with the 49ers. That's going to be a great game.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Because I think if there's a team that could possibly stop them, it might be the 49ers just because of the athletes they have on the defensive line.

Speaker 1 But I'm sure that the Ravens, from everything we've seen, they'll just steamroll them too. They'll do something weird.

Speaker 1 What did San Diego do? I know they're LA, but what did the San Diego Chargers

Speaker 1 do in the playoffs? They went small, right? Nope. They played them twice.
Okay. They played them twice.

Speaker 1 So is there any team out there that might be playing the Ravens twice that got beat the first time by

Speaker 1 in the playoffs

Speaker 1 with a good coach that can adapt?

Speaker 1 Here's the only thing you could say anti-Ravens right now.

Speaker 1 Are they peaking too early? That's a good question. That's the only thing we could say.
They need to start playing RG3 a little bit more. Which is my favorite argument in all sports.

Speaker 1 It's like, yeah, you don't want to be really good in November, huh? I think you just want to be really good whenever you're really good. You can also ask, are they built for the playoffs?

Speaker 1 And that doesn't really mean much. No.
Except for the fact that maybe when it's cold outside, sometimes certain quarterbacks don't like playing in the cold.

Speaker 1 Listen, if they make teams quit like the Rams quit, then yes, they are definitely built for the playoffs. And we should probably touch on the Rams.
That seems like a little bit of crisis going on.

Speaker 1 It's, I don't know, you want to call it Super Bowl hangover. You want to call it

Speaker 1 a million different things. Their offensive line has been bad.
Jared, obviously, a personal friend. Hank doesn't like him, but PFT and I still do.

Speaker 1 He'll probably be the first to say that he's got to play better, but the whole team kind of looks a little broken. I love Jared for the record.
And I think it is. I really do.

Speaker 1 It's not an excuse, but I think losing the Super Bowl the way they lost it,

Speaker 1 those kind of things kind of stick with you for a year. And it takes a year to reset it.
We see it all the time when teams don't get back to the Super Bowl after they lose it.

Speaker 1 We don't get back to the playoffs, excuse me. With Sean McVay, he's got that photographic memory.
He remembers every single play. I think that's a bonus.
That's an asset when the team's doing well.

Speaker 1 But when the team starts to lose, that piles up a lot of negative energy inside his brain that he can never.

Speaker 1 Maybe Sean McVay just needs to get into a fight and get concussed and hope that some of that negative energy from those bad plays of the Super Bowl just fall out of the side of his ear.

Speaker 1 He's looking smaller, by the way. Have you noticed that? He has looked a little smaller.
I think he's shrinking on the side of his ear.

Speaker 1 You know what? We'll say something nice about Sean McVay. I think his beard looks fine.
It does. Yeah.
Because we're trying not to pile on when he's down.

Speaker 1 The other thing with the Ravens and what we have to do with sports media, which is so stupid, but we have to do it. Lamar versus Mahomes.
I hate to say it. The debate no one cares about.
And listen.

Speaker 1 I hate to say it. I know.
Patient Zero. I hate to say it.
Patient Zero. Patient Zero of this take

Speaker 1 is my internet dad, your internet uncle. He gets a little answer.

Speaker 1 He gets answers. He gets a little answer.
When he has too much time on his hands, when there hasn't been like a Kaepernick

Speaker 1 waiver put out there, when there hasn't been some sort of legal writ filed against the league that he can analyze. Rule that hasn't been broken.

Speaker 1 Yes, when he gets out of lawyering and into the pundit game where he comes out with his takes, Florio tends to be a little over skeet

Speaker 1 at times. And he started the debate of Mahomes versus Lamar.
And can't we just enjoy both? Yeah, can't we enjoy both both? Actually both.

Speaker 1 As sports journalists, you're right. We're not allowed to enjoy both.
We're not allowed to enjoy both. I also,

Speaker 1 in a weird way, it's kind of offensive to Mahomes because it's so quickly that we move on to the next thing. Mahomes threw, what, 50 touchdowns last year? They also play a completely different style.

Speaker 1 Of course. They couldn't be any different.
Which one would you rather have? Well, if you're Andy Reid, you'd probably rather have Mahomes.

Speaker 1 And if you're running the Ravens offense, you'd probably have Lamar.

Speaker 1 You can't go wrong with either of them. Let's leave it at that.
You can't. So that's the debate that everyone has to look forward to for the next 15 years.

Speaker 1 I've also noticed that Harbaugh, he wasn't wearing his mock turtleneck last night, but it took me about a quarter to realize that because I think his neck's getting bigger, his delts are getting bigger.

Speaker 1 Yep. So it gives like an artificial illusion of the mock turtleneck.
I don't know if he's been in shrugs or he's just been going like he's just been saying, What are we going to do? What can we do?

Speaker 1 Every time Lamar does something incredible. And the other thing with the Ravens, when they are, when you have like, there's certain identities that teams have that they can have through decades.

Speaker 1 And the Ravens, when they start playing well, you just think of the Raven team that won the Super Bowl,

Speaker 1 what was it, 2000,

Speaker 1 2002, 2000? 2001.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 2000. The year before the Patriots.
And you just think of

Speaker 1 one of the greatest defenses of all time, and you just see them running around in their purple, and you're like, wait, it's Terrell Suggs somewhere out there.

Speaker 1 It triggers memories that the Ravens are starting to have fun, and you can see it when

Speaker 1 who had that pick at the end of the game and the whole entire Ravens team ran into the end zone? It wasn't Earl Thomas, wasn't it? No, no, no. I can't remember.
Marcus Peters. It might have been Earl.

Speaker 1 It was Marcus because it was Marcus Peters' revenge game. And you can tell, little body language expert, you can tell when a team is having fun, and it felt like 50 Ravens got in the end zone.

Speaker 1 How about this? How about this for the demise of the Baltimore Ravens? Is the defense going to start getting jealous of all the accolades that the offense is getting?

Speaker 1 Listen, the defense has been incredible. I don't know what changed because they, if you go back to that Browns game when they were 2-2,

Speaker 1 and I might have thrown out an F-word here or there, they were getting run on, and they did not look like a defense that was able to, you know, withstand some of the better teams of the AFC.

Speaker 1 Something has changed because the defense is playing exceptionally well. And guess what?

Speaker 1 It works pretty well when you have a guy like Lamar Jackson and an offense that can basically control all the clock. They eat all the clock.

Speaker 1 I'm a little bit woke on this new guy that everyone's talking about on the Ravens. Their stats guy.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 The 25-year-old number boy that sits up in the stands and tells John Harbaugh in the middle of games what percentages are going which way. What does does it sound like?

Speaker 1 Sounds like at Buffalo Wildlings last night,

Speaker 1 you were impersonating him. Oh, number boy.
Oh, it was delightful.

Speaker 1 Your voice. I don't even remember what I was saying.

Speaker 1 I'm young Sheldon, and I play, I coach from the Baltimore Ravens, and my name is really Warren Sharp. It's like a half of Mahomes.
Yeah, his name is Warren Sharp, and we know we all know him.

Speaker 1 He's a recurring guest on the show. Warren Sharp invented this guy.
John Harbaugh's front.

Speaker 1 He's probably got like a dummy that sits up in the coordinator's box, so you can point at him and be like, hey, that's our number boy up there.

Speaker 1 Like, you ever see somebody trying to drive in the HOV lane, and so they just get a mannequin that sits shotgun with him? That's what this dummy's doing up there.

Speaker 1 It's really Warren Sharp. I'm very convinced of that.
But yeah, apparently he's feeding percentages to Harbaugh in the middle of games. The anti-Jason Garrett.

Speaker 1 So the last nitpick I'll do of the Ravens, this is obviously, this is what we do on the show because there's really no nitpicking the Ravens. They're that good.

Speaker 1 But maybe, I just realized this, they control so much clock. They eat so much clock that there's less clock for Andy Reid to fuck up.
So you're playing into the Chiefs' strengths.

Speaker 1 That makes a lot of sense. Like if the Chiefs only have 15 minutes a clock to work with, Andy Reid can't screw that up as much.
It's like stealing a bunch of firecrackers from JPP. Yeah.
It's, I mean,

Speaker 1 it's actually a genius strategy by the Chiefs to let the Ravens be so good that they just have the ball all the time. Yeah, you take all the clock.
You take all the clock.

Speaker 1 That's the first time Andy Reid doesn't want seconds. Yeah.
All right. Let's do a Thanksgiving preview.
So how we're going to work today's show, by the way, barstowgold.com slash PMT.

Speaker 1 You can watch us right now. We have done this in the past

Speaker 1 three Thanksgivings, but we are not going to have a new show on Friday. So instead, we're going to do a double long show today.

Speaker 1 And if you have to work Friday, we will tell you exactly when to stop, delete it, and then re-download it.

Speaker 1 Redownload the whole show. It's going to be a good one.
Unsubscribe and restore. Unsubscribed as well.
That's the only way that you're going to be able to get the second. The only way.

Speaker 1 It's going to be right after the Danica interview. So what we're going to do do is we're going to do a Thanksgiving preview before Danica.

Speaker 1 Then afterwards, we're going to do a weekend preview and then Hassan Minaj. So you'll have a full extra show to listen to on Friday.
So before we do the week.

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Okay.

Speaker 1 Thanksgiving Day football.

Speaker 1 Are you ready for Mitch Trubisky versus maybe David Blau? Blau, blau, blau. That is what we are facing.

Speaker 1 It is going to be a sleepy, terrible game, and I'm excited because the Bears are going to be back afterwards. Football guy of the week, David Blau.
Football Guy of the Week, David Blau.

Speaker 1 You know what I really enjoy about this game, the Detroit Jerry?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Not only is it

Speaker 1 the game that I like to watch while I'm drinking that first beer and it's kind of on in the background. Racket.
And they're like, oh, pass interference against the Lions again.

Speaker 1 I enjoy the eating of the turkey on the field after the game.

Speaker 1 I enjoy any sort of Thanksgiving game where you bring food out onto field turf and you can just see like mashed potatoes and skin of the turkey getting spilled onto the 20-yard line.

Speaker 1 Very beautiful game. How soon, unless it's at your own house, but how soon do you get on the couch? Like do you

Speaker 1 arrive? Do you arrive and then try and do some small talk and then like get that out of the way and then go to the couch or do you just get in couch?

Speaker 1 My move is

Speaker 1 I like to help out early.

Speaker 1 So whether that's prepping the turkey for the frying, whether that's, you know what I really like to do once the games get started, I like to say, hey, you know what?

Speaker 1 I'll mash the potatoes because then you can bring that station anywhere you want in the house, including in front of the TV. See, I'm even earlier than that.
I'm a wake up early and do errands, guy.

Speaker 1 So, before the couch even

Speaker 1 comes into play, it's okay. I'll go grab that.
Oh, you need ice. Oh, you need that.
Okay, I got that.

Speaker 1 I walk the dog. Make sure you walk the dog.
Long walk for the dog. Make sure the dog's nice and tired.
But yeah, I like to get on the couch. It's basically like

Speaker 1 getting position, low post position.

Speaker 1 I want to beat my man down the floor and get in the couch before anyone else.

Speaker 1 Have you ever dealt with a relative who during one of those early games, as you're watching the TV, sits down in one of the chairs in that living room or family room, wherever it is, in a position where they're not looking at the TV and they're just having a conversation with you with their back to the television?

Speaker 1 It's tough. It's tough to deal with, though, when they keep working on you.
Yeah, that's all right.

Speaker 1 You just ignore them and, you know, a lot of silence, silence, a lot of, okay, whatever. I'm watching the game.

Speaker 1 When that happens,

Speaker 1 just start narrating the game out loud.

Speaker 1 Send them the message. Oh, man, that was a crazy play.
You have to have emergency plans, too, during Thanksgiving. So you have to look at all three games and figure out if you have to pick one.

Speaker 1 to not be in front of the TV for the entire time, which one is that going to be for you?

Speaker 1 This, I mean, I'm going to watch the Bears, but if you're not a Bears or Lions fan, or actually, if you are a Bears or Lions fan and you want to skip watching a terrible game, this might be the game.

Speaker 1 I'm going to tune in late to see how the Lions get screwed over by the refs. But besides that, I think I'm going to be bouncing in and out of watching.
This is the first half you can miss.

Speaker 1 I have a stat for you, by the way. This comes from at JTFOZ, I think is his Twitter handle.
Since 2005, favorites have gone 30 and 11 against the spread on day games in Thanksgiving.

Speaker 1 Huh. And then since going back to 1984, 53 and 29, 64.5% on day games.
So those first two games, it feels like the favorites always win. It's because they do.
Chicago and Dallas. Take the Bears.

Speaker 1 Take the Bears. I think I'm going to load up on the Bears, especially if Blau's playing.
I just,

Speaker 1 they're not good, but the Lions aren't either. Right.
So that's really all I'm going to go with. Yeah.
That's my analysis of this game. The Bears, not good.
Lions, maybe worse.

Speaker 1 My analysis is I'm going to bet on the team that beat the Redskins instead of the team that lost to the Redskins. There you go.
All right.

Speaker 1 So the second game, which I think we're we're all excited for, Dallas is going down. Bills at Cowboys.
Cowboys minus six and a half. Over-under is 46.5.

Speaker 1 Fellas, I love this over. This is going to be my over of the day because you got to have at least one over on things.
46. It's a lot going against Buffalo.
I love it.

Speaker 1 No, Buffalo on the road, different defense at home. Very good defense.
On the road, maybe not as good. And also,

Speaker 1 teams have been able to run a little bit on the Bills. Guess who the Cowboys have? Zeke, and Jerry Jones is going to fire everyone

Speaker 1 is Jason Garrett coaching for his job yeah it's uh yeah I think this is the game I think that's the loser leaves town game I think if Jerry Jones wins this game he is going to stick around as head coach if he loses this is this is the only way that he can get fired in the middle of the season if he loses at home on Thanksgiving yep Jerry Jones is going to be all kinds of liquored up the only hope he has if he loses this game is that Jerry ate too much turkey and then he just passed out and in a like a puddle of tryptophan and scotch at his desk because this would be an embarrassing game for Jerry.

Speaker 1 Jerry doesn't like to be embarrassed. Nope.
He doesn't like losing at home. He doesn't like losing in prime time.
It is a short week, Hank, for both teams.

Speaker 1 Short week. Short week.

Speaker 1 Well, it always is a short week when you play on Thursday for both teams. It's always a short week when you're 5'8.
I think that's good for the over defense, less time to prepare. There you go.

Speaker 1 Or is the offense? I don't know. I always do those things, and then you can basically spin it any way you want.

Speaker 1 Wait, is it actually a shorter week for the Cowboys because they played the afternoon game? True. True.
On Sunday.

Speaker 1 The Cowboys, by the way, but then it's not as shorter. It's a shorter week for the Bills because they actually have to travel to this game.

Speaker 1 How long is the flight? I don't know. Is it longer than hours?

Speaker 1 So it's about even then. Yeah.
But they traveled west. So they gained an hour.
So it's a shorter week for the Cowboys by one hour. I don't think there's a time difference in there.
There is, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 By the way, so the Cowboys, Jason Garrett, dummy, and then even dumber because he went on radio and admitted, like almost was proud of his stupidity when he said they don't do in-game analytics and they just kind of go with their gut.

Speaker 1 That's something you don't want to admit. You just want to just pretend that you might be looking, like even just maybe print out an Excel sheet with nothing in the boxes and look at at that.

Speaker 1 That would make everyone feel a little bit better when you're fucking up your team for the 10th straight year or whatever it is.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the only other explanation is that he was trying to send a message to Jerry Jones, and I don't think Jerry Jones cares for analytics if I were to guess.

Speaker 1 So maybe he was just using the media to communicate that message. Like, hey, hey, Jerry, I know I went to Princeton, but I'm not that much of a nerd because I don't believe in math.

Speaker 1 Like, we agreed, we agreed, Jerry, that we're not math guys. Yeah.
We're gut guys. We go with our gut.
You think

Speaker 1 Jason Garrett put on his resume proficient in Excel?

Speaker 1 Yes. I think he probably had that left over on his resume for the case.
I believe

Speaker 1 he's been the coach. He's going to be the coach with the Cowboys for 10 years.
And then Jerry, did you see what Jerry said about Jell-O? No.

Speaker 1 I didn't see what Jerry Jones said about it.

Speaker 1 When you run a team like I run a team, it's like you're holding two handfuls of Jell-O and you squeeze too hard and then the Jell-O runs between your fingers and seeps out.

Speaker 1 So Jerry Jones never heard of a spoon? I think he was just wasted. Oh.
Yeah, I think he he was just jello shots, is what he was getting at. He was just sitting there.
I think he was describing

Speaker 1 feeling a witch's eyeballs and hair at Halloween. Jerry Jones doesn't have a,

Speaker 1 what's the guy's name? Fuck. Why am I, what's the guy's name? The guy from Baywatch.

Speaker 1 The Rock. No.
Hasselhoff. Hasselhoff.
He doesn't have a Hasselhoff video out there, but he's made at least five of those. Drunkenly eating a cheeseburger and calling people he can berate on the phone.

Speaker 1 That has happened.

Speaker 1 In his house. I feel like Jerry, when he tries to take a video of himself, he's technologically illiterate.

Speaker 1 So he just probably takes a picture and then he talks into his camera for a while and then he realizes, oh, it didn't record. It's just a picture.
All right. Last game on Thanksgiving.

Speaker 1 The Saints and the Falcons. Falcons plus seven, over under, 48.5.

Speaker 1 You got 48.5 on this. Revenge? Yeah, why, what is it? I got 49.
Okay. I thought you were going to say like 54.
No, no. Half a point.
Okay.

Speaker 1 The revenge for the Saints? Maybe?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know. This game, I don't really see it.
Wonky, it's a wonky game. It's a game that I'm going to be passed out half-watching.

Speaker 1 I think that the wonky game already happened with the Saints and the Falcons. I think the Saints are going to blow them out.
Okay. I agree with that.
Over.

Speaker 1 Over. Over there.
So there's not okay. All right.

Speaker 1 I'm excited, though, because there's nothing better than Thanksgiving football.

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Speaker 1 After escaping, like barely escaping Carolina, if the Saints lose this game, are we throwing the F-word at them?

Speaker 1 I've seen the Saints being like, I don't know. I don't know, Jim.
I think the Saints are just kind of chilled out right now. I don't know.

Speaker 1 Because they just have to win one more game, then they win the NFC South. This is the game.
They're in hangout mode right now. Well, just taking it easy.
I don't know, Jim.

Speaker 1 But the Saints don't. I disagree with that.
They need

Speaker 1 homefield advantage. I don't think the Saints can go on the road and win in the NFC Championship.
They also have to play against the refs every game. Right, that too.
But

Speaker 1 I think they need to play for

Speaker 1 the number one seed and have the 49ers come to them. I could see them losing this game, possibly.

Speaker 1 It's a possibility they lose because the Falcons do have confidence that they can beat them. The number, yeah.
But then I can also see the Saints starting to roll in December. Got it.

Speaker 1 So we are picking the Falcons.

Speaker 1 You also said the Saints are going to blow them out.

Speaker 1 Now I'm saying I could see

Speaker 1 the Saints, but I could see the Falcons win this game.

Speaker 1 You wouldn't be surprised. I wouldn't be shocked.
No. All right.
Oh, man. I'm going to hear from Drew about this one.

Speaker 1 Let's do, before we do hot seat, cool throne, let's do a few sports things we are thankful for in this Thanksgiving time. Everyone goes, do you guys do that?

Speaker 1 Does everyone say, what are you thankful for? At the table? Yeah. No.
Every now and then people do it. And make them guess.

Speaker 1 I can't remember the last time I did it, but I feel like there's been times where I've had to say it. And then you just, if you can, if you can, listen.

Speaker 1 I'm doing my first non-family Thanksgiving this year. Oh, wow.
I'm pretty. You've

Speaker 1 divorced you? By yourself? No, I'm going to my girlfriend's house on Long Island. Oh, you have a girlfriend?

Speaker 1 Nice. Sick brag.
Yeah, if you can time your fart for when everyone has to be thankful for something, that would be a very funny move. What are you thankful for, Hank? Sports things.

Speaker 1 Bill Belichick's wit. Okay.
Okay, good. What about you? And his coat.
His giant coat.

Speaker 1 What about you? He disappears inside of it. I have a bunch.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll just fire him off.
Giant thermometers. Okay.
I like giant thermometers on the sidelines. I like them when it's hot, but I like them even more when it's cold outside.

Speaker 1 I'm thankful that Big Ben is hurt this year, and we can pretend that he's still going to keep playing because we're losing all of our quarterbacks from 2004.

Speaker 1 So it's good that we have him in a safe case.

Speaker 1 I'm thankful for

Speaker 1 basketball players saying and one after every time they get a layup. That's you, though.
What do you mean? You say that. But I don't play in the NBA.
I do it because I am thankful.

Speaker 1 Like, it's me paying homage to the NBA players who I enjoy doing that. Okay.

Speaker 1 It's better than saying Kobe. It's one of those things where I could, like, I wouldn't be shocked if the NBA was just looking for things to shut down.
I was like, oh, we're going to stop.

Speaker 1 You can't do that anymore. And I'm happy that, like, a flop rule or something, I'm happy that it still happens all day, every day.
It's a verbal flop. Yes.

Speaker 1 Make it a flagrant foul. No.

Speaker 1 No. No.
I'm thankful for Andy Reid in cold weather. That's happening soon.
Yep. I'm thankful for the sound that a buzzer makes in basketball as the ball is in the air.

Speaker 1 I'm convinced that it sounds better if it's like a last-second shot and the buzzer goes off than that exact same buzzer makes when it's just like for a substitution. So the

Speaker 1 wait, are you talking about the shot clock or the... I think there actually is a substitution horn.
Oh, it's different. I made it not entirely.

Speaker 1 I just like the sound of a buzzer going off as the ball is in midair

Speaker 1 and then a swish sound. So you like those two sounds? You like buzzer beaters? No, the sound back-to-back.
Okay, I agree with that.

Speaker 1 I'm also a fan of buzzer beaters. Good.

Speaker 1 Bowl season coming up. I love bull season.
Ooh, speaking of that, I like reaction videos of teams finding out that they made the Bahamas Bowl.

Speaker 1 Yeah. When they're like wondering, oh, are we going to go to the Meinoke Carcasson? No, we're going to the Bahamas Bowl.
That's pretty sweet. I like,

Speaker 1 I'm thankful for her hobby bias, just in general. Just him.
I just like that he exists because Chicago sports are a dumpster fire, but he's there.

Speaker 1 I'm thankful for NBA League Pass not having commercials.

Speaker 1 So during commercials, they just show you whatever's going on on the Jumbotron, like Kiss Cam, whatever, like five-year-olds playing basketball against each other. That's great.

Speaker 1 I'm a fan of wide receivers with their numbers in the 80s. Feels like like a dying breed right now.
It doesn't happen anymore.

Speaker 1 You need to bring that back to some good 88s, some nice boxy numbers out there. That's great.
I'm happy.

Speaker 1 I'm thankful for Rivalry Week, which we'll get to in a minute, but I love Rivalry Week because you can just, everyone wants it a little bit more. The NFL 100 logo and seeing it everywhere.

Speaker 1 Do you like it now? Oh, I love it now. Yeah.
We tried the corner on that a long time ago. Oh, yeah, that's right.
We did. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think I'm struggling with it because the Bears have their 100 logo, and it's been such a bad season this year. I counted on like this.
100.

Speaker 1 I took a photoshop of Wilt Chamberlain holding up a piece of paper and just has the 100. 100 logo? Yeah.
I'm thankful for you guys and my job. It's great.
That's really good.

Speaker 1 And the listeners, because we have the best job in the world. That is true.
That's very true. We don't say it enough.
I'm thankful for the best job in the world. Our sponsors.

Speaker 1 Thankful for our sponsors to help us have the best job in the world. I'm thankful for

Speaker 1 Tom Creen in a Hawaiian shirt.

Speaker 1 Big time. Especially one that kind of goes with his skin tone.
Yep. Looks real good.
He does. He He has been popping.
The Maui tournament in general, Bill Walton. Thank you for Bill Walton.

Speaker 1 People are coming for Bill. I don't like that.
I've seen that, and people need to shut the fuck up because Bill Walton is

Speaker 1 Lou Holtz. He also is doing it.

Speaker 1 He's getting back. No, I'm not saying he is like Lou Holtz.
Lou Holtz would suspend Bill Walton from his team for being how high.

Speaker 1 People are getting into Lou Holtz territory with their... anger and disdain to go.
Well,

Speaker 1 here's the problem. The reason why that's happening right now is Bill Walton has been thrust when he's in the Maui tournament, he's thrust into some daytime games or some early evening games.

Speaker 1 Bill Walton needs to be late night, and he is a perfect case of, like, you know, when you complain about someone on Twitter, it's like, dude, just unfollow them.

Speaker 1 Bill Walton is on so late at night, just don't watch. It's 11 o'clock.
Go to bed. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like, Bill Walton exists to keep us entertained when we're all a little bit loopy and we shouldn't be betting like UCLA versus Oregon at 11 o'clock on a Tuesday night in February. I agree.

Speaker 1 Bill Walton during the daytime, he rubs some of the daytime audience the wrong way because they're usually a nerdier set. They stink.

Speaker 1 Watching Bill Walton in the daytime is like going into a strip club in the daytime. Not bad.
I like noon. It's not bad.
For people who like fun. Not bad if you love titties.
Right.

Speaker 1 But if you go later on in the night, it kind of fits a little bit more. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 Okay. Anything else? Thankful for Brad Stevens' out-of-time out play design.
Oh, cool. I like.

Speaker 1 I mean, what? No, I'm kidding. No, it was good.
I'm kidding. It was good, hang.
I like it, too.

Speaker 1 These are the things that I enjoy

Speaker 1 when I'm watching sports. He's graded, though.
They call Timeout.

Speaker 1 Have you turned back on Brad Stevens? Of course. Wasn't last year.

Speaker 1 Last year was all Kyrie's fighters. All Kyrie.
Now they have a team that is buying into the system and they will listen to their coach. It's not all about one player.
Those shoes are pretty fireheads.

Speaker 1 Oh, they are.

Speaker 1 Kyrie's your favorite player. I like Coach Kyrie.
It's not really the same exact comparison.

Speaker 1 Republicans buy sneakers too, but just because I don't like the player doesn't mean I can't like his sneakers. Okay.
I like Houston Texans' wild card Saturday games. Yeah, that will happen.

Speaker 1 It's going to happen again this year.

Speaker 1 Maybe even we get Texans Colts again. Ooh, that'd be fun.
It felt like a wild card game last week, last year, on Thursday. Hockey playoff overtime.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Good one.
Washington, D.C. sports, just in general.
There you go. All of them.
Conference of champions. No,

Speaker 1 district of champions. I was just stuck on Bill Walton.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, football fingers. tweet us.
What's that?

Speaker 1 Like when Booger or Baldy or Torrey Holt has a finger that was broken a long time ago and they just didn't want to fix it because that's their resume for life. I like that.
I like that.

Speaker 1 I like the, I think we have it on the logo for today's show, but I always love when the score bug has the leaves or we get close to Christmas. It'll be the Christmas lights.
It's

Speaker 1 festive and it feels fun.

Speaker 1 All right, anything else? Everyone tweet us what they're thankful for. Sports-related.
We'll retweet the best ones.

Speaker 1 I'm thankful for next-gen stats when it shows you how far a field goal would have been good from after it already went.

Speaker 1 That's pretty cool. It's like we could have kicked this 10 yards ago.
Are you not thankful for Tom Brady? Of course, I'm thankful. Oh, every time I say something,

Speaker 1 I had the Brad Stevens thing. I forgot if you were on Brad Stevens or off him.
I forgot it was all Kyrie last year.

Speaker 1 That's my fault. I had Julian Edelman's charm, Tom Brady's fashion style, and just overall how he leads an entire region of people and wills them to be better.

Speaker 1 Oh, I like sports journalists tweeting their Hall of Fame votes out. Yes.
Yes. Only voting for Derek Jeter and nobody else.
Yes. Thank you, Captain.
Yes.

Speaker 1 All right. Let's do hot seat cool thron.
Hank, you want to start? My hot seat is Sam Darnold. Yeah.
So he said he was going to run the table. They've been playing well.
They had a big win on Sunday.

Speaker 1 And then he had the audacity. I'm just going to read the headline.
Sam Darnold gets wasted and hooks up with Girl after Jets big wins. No.

Speaker 1 Yeah. A Jetson.

Speaker 1 Yeah. In the NFL? Yeah.
Went to a club after their game and apparently was making out with Girl.

Speaker 1 As somebody that was at Bounce last week, I'll just say that is not a place to get drunk and kiss girls. Damn.
That is,

Speaker 1 you should bring a book into bounce. Damn.
You should be studying.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 if you're a Jets fan, you're like, oh, we're going to run the table.

Speaker 1 Nope. Nope.
He's probably got mono again. You can't get it twice oh that's why they call it mono i think you can really yeah shit no it's yeah why i call it mono yeah but i i think you can

Speaker 1 you can get mono you can get duonucleosis yeah i think you can get it multiple times i think you can i think oh i think it's one of those stupid ones that like always sticks with you mono back to back yos that i i think it's always inside of you right like the spirit of the lord but i don't know if it's it pops up twice no i think it can pop up many times also i don't know if i can say this because he's a recurring guest and a close personal friend but zach efron just put up an instagram Instagram working out with Dude Perfect.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we saw that and we were really mad about it, but we're not going to say anything because

Speaker 1 he's very, very good.

Speaker 1 It looked like he was having a great time. It's probably an ad deal.
He probably didn't have a shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you know what?

Speaker 1 He's a great actor. He probably hated every second of it, but he did that smile.
Yes, that's a good point.

Speaker 1 And then my cool throne is the sun and just people who enjoy the sun.

Speaker 1 Even though it's winter, there is a new yoga exercise called Perennium Sunning, Big Cat. Have you heard about this? No.

Speaker 1 So this is kind of like your fart method, but reverse and face towards the sun.

Speaker 1 But perennium sunning, in a mere 30 seconds of sunlight on your butthole, you receive more energy from this electric node than you would in an entire day being outside with your clothes on.

Speaker 1 So you get butt naked and then you lie on the ground and spread your legs wide and just let the sunlight enter your butthole. So the sun just fucks you missionary style.

Speaker 1 Butthole. Yeah, I like that.

Speaker 1 And it makes you feel better.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't think that. Wait, are you supposed to cover your other genitals and just have it hit your butthole? Well, it's kind of crazy.

Speaker 1 Well, you got to put your legs up high enough so that they can get into

Speaker 1 the hole. That's a whoa, because think about how many times your butthole has seen the sun.
Very few. Right.

Speaker 1 It only takes 30 seconds, and you receive more energy from this electric node than you would in your entire day. So we got to do that.
So we've been missing out.

Speaker 1 I've got to start doing that on my roof. I'm running and sunning.
Yeah. By the way, I just looked it up.

Speaker 1 Most people only get mono once, but you can get it twice, and you might even get it months or years later. So, watch out, Sam Darnold.
Okay. Be careful.
Be careful.

Speaker 1 I'm interested in the something, though. Yeah, the sun thing is I'm going to do it.
I would imagine I'll report back. That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 You just got to, you got to fart, but then you just basically actually, you could just do it.

Speaker 1 You don't even have to do it the way, if you look up the picture, the way they do it, you could just do it with your fart style. What if you could just

Speaker 1 put

Speaker 1 tanning lotion on your butthole? You need the sun. You need tan.
You need the electric node

Speaker 1 in the hole. You don't let any vitamin D near my butt.

Speaker 1 You got to get the node up the hole. Got it.
The fucking sun. Was that your quilt run? Yes.
Okay.

Speaker 1 PFT. My hot seat is Hank.
Hank is on the hot seat big time. We always pay up our bets around here.

Speaker 1 And Hank, we forgot about it, but Hank blundered his way into maybe the worst bet that he's ever made in his life. And he is going to have to pay up on this.

Speaker 1 At the 11-minute mark on August 18th, apparently Big Cat and I made a bet against you that if Josh Gordon wasn't on the Patriots by the playoffs, Hank has to use a leaf blower with a shit ton of weed.

Speaker 1 So you have to smoke weed through a giant bong, essentially, and hot box the entire studio by yourself. So, Hank,

Speaker 1 you are really, you really stepped in big time. My Thanksgiving buddy, he's going to be hanging over my head all weekend.
You're screwed. Yeah, you're going to just be more red-eyed than Bob Costas.

Speaker 1 We got to do this, though, for real. Yeah, I will.
Yeah. It's going to be hilarious.

Speaker 1 In here. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Next week. Do you think it will light off? Do we have any

Speaker 1 sprinklers? No sprinklers in here. All right.
We're fine. Yeah, we're fine.
Maybe on Sunye.

Speaker 1 Sunset? Sunye. Oh, yeah?

Speaker 1 Okay. That's what they should call letting the sun fuck your asshole.
Sunye. Sunye.
Sunye. Just get my sunye on.
I like it. All right.

Speaker 1 We've got to get the, I don't know, we've got to get a leaf blower. There's a Home Depot down this.
We need a lot of weed. Yeah, we need like an ounce.
Shitload of weed.

Speaker 1 We'll hit up still. Do you have any, if we have any grow operations that want to donate to the cause?

Speaker 1 We're definitely going to acquire what they're going to send to us. Hank, you are so good.
That'd be a real shame. Hank is so screwed on this one.
It'd be a real shame if someone sent like a pound.

Speaker 1 I'm going to start.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 What a great bet to make. But if they do, I'll do it all.
Not on ours. This is definitely going to come with the FBI.

Speaker 1 My cool throne is Melrose Place because Booger was on Monday Night Football last night, and he probably mentioned Melrose Place for the first time in the last 20 years on national television.

Speaker 1 He said that it was a matchup. The L.A.
Rams against the Baltimore Ravens was like Melrose's place against the wire, which I think

Speaker 1 that's disrespect towards L.A., right?

Speaker 1 Because the Rams saying that they're Melrose Place. Yeah, we tried to name some people from Melrose's place, and we first thought it was Beverly Hills, 90210, and then all we got was Heather Lockley.

Speaker 1 I thought it was Party of Five. It is such a dated reference.
We, as guys who are now basically exclusively deal in dated references, couldn't get it. Yeah.
But we were also 90% of the time.

Speaker 1 Even the wires, like,

Speaker 1 yeah, the wire's not like

Speaker 1 20. Yeah.
Right. But I think Melrose, if you look at the Google trends, probably a lot of people were searching What is Melrose Place last night, stumbled across Heather Locklear and fell in love.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So she's going to make it come back soon.
I loved Heather Locklear. Loved her.
Still do.

Speaker 1 All right. My hot seat is Papa John.
So Papa John's health is on the hot seat because he did

Speaker 1 an interview where he said he had 40 pizzas in the last 30 days. And he looks it.
The grease on his face and in his hair, it looks like he's been doing that.

Speaker 1 My question is, how do you think that breaks down? Do you think he's doing one every weekday and then two on the weekends? I think he does two every Saturday.

Speaker 1 Or do you think he ever just, he seems like a guy, now, tell me, this might might be crazy, who doesn't have a lot of self-control.

Speaker 1 So he might go no days without with a pizza, or sorry, days with no pizza, and then all of a sudden falls off the wagon, five pizzas in a piece of paper. Benchmote.

Speaker 1 Well, one thing I learned about Papa John today is that he is deeply, deeply paranoid. Yeah.
Very paranoid. I think you kind of knew that.

Speaker 1 Papa John lives in constant fear that someone's going to come kidnap him. Yep.
So he locks himself inside his house.

Speaker 1 It wouldn't surprise me if he had machine guns installed on turrets, like on the different spires of his fortress.

Speaker 1 He is Pizza John McAfee. Yeah, he is insane.
He's an insane person. I got to meet Papa John at a survival a couple years ago.
That's right.

Speaker 1 I have never heard another man breathe the way that Papa John breathes. Pizza breath through

Speaker 1 his nostrils. It sounds like a dog with a sinus infection.
I was standing next to him, and this is an impression. Honestly, this is what he sounds like.

Speaker 1 That's pizza breath. And resting, this is his resting breathing mechanisms.
So

Speaker 1 I will say that he looks better than someone that has eaten 40 pizzas in the last 30 days should look. Yes.

Speaker 1 And I like that he was on TV and he was wearing his red button-up shirt, just to remind you, like I'm still Papa. I'm no longer the CEO, but this is my opponent.
He's Papa here.

Speaker 1 Like a giant clown nose for his body. He has

Speaker 1 bright red into the camera.

Speaker 1 What did it say on his shirt? It's something ridiculous. It said like Joey Bay's baseball.
Billy Bay's baseball, yeah. Yeah.
I don't know what's going on.

Speaker 1 So he went on TV to start a fight against another millionaire, right? Mark Shapiro. Who is known for?

Speaker 1 Inventing Embrace Debate. Oh.
Yeah, the old executive. He invented Embrace Debate and he invented Playmakers.
Got it. So produced him.
Why is he in a fight with him?

Speaker 1 Because rich people just have fights against other rich people. I thought he was in a fight with someone who owns another pizza chain.
Because that would make sense.

Speaker 1 I think Mark Shapiro took over Papa John's in some way. Because that's why the whole thing is complaining about the quality of the ingredients.
Well, and he was like, he doesn't live pizza.

Speaker 1 I've had 40 pizzas in 30 days, which is such a ridiculous thing to say that I actually think he was probably underselling himself. Yes, I don't think that you say you've eaten 40 pizzas in 30 days.

Speaker 1 The only way that those words come out of your mouth is if you've actually had like 50 or 60 days. Yeah, 80 pizzas in 30 days.
In 30 days. And you're like, 40.
40.

Speaker 1 Okay, cool. That sounds good.

Speaker 1 What's a number, a normal number of pizzas in 30 days? 40. That's less than 50.
And what do most people... Yeah, 40 pizzas.
That's right. 40 pizzas.
I like how his hair is still jet black, though.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
He's got Coach K's barber.

Speaker 1 You're a barber? No, no, no, no. Oh.

Speaker 1 I also dye my hair. Yeah, Coach Bay Bay Bay Bay Bay.
So how are you going to come out? I didn't. Well, I don't do jet black.

Speaker 1 You should be brown.

Speaker 1 Get the perm like pop-up. That would be nice.
I actually need a new dye job. You could be the next pop-up.

Speaker 1 People always hurt my feelings when they point that out. What, the die job? No, No, the gray.
Oh, just, yeah. Oh, you're getting the gray.
It's like, I know.

Speaker 1 So now you know how Coach K feels, and now you know why he always gets. But I admit it.
Coach K doesn't. He doesn't.
I'm sure he would. I don't think so.
I'm not sure if he came on the shot.

Speaker 1 I don't think so.

Speaker 1 I am open about it. I told you guys the minute I went to the die life.

Speaker 1 All right, my other hot seat is everyone who's not on Magic Johnson's MVP list. He's got a list.

Speaker 1 He put his top 16 MVP candidates in order, and it was actually 17, which there are, what, 30 teams in the NBA, I believe. So he's almost halfway there.

Speaker 1 He's over halfway there to just naming team MVPs. I can't believe it wasn't alphabetically listed.
That was a big disappointment for him. Incredible.
And he, yeah, 17.

Speaker 1 He really narrowed it down to 17 players that could be the MVP. So if you're not on that list, you stink.
Yeah, you're pretty bad. You suck.

Speaker 1 Who's his number one? Number one, LeBron James. Giannis Luca is number 2A and 2B.

Speaker 1 That's how he got to 17.

Speaker 1 And he had Ben Simmons, Kyrie Irving's on there. Tatum's on there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's

Speaker 1 Magic Johnson. Thank God he quit the Lakers so he could tweet again.
I think I'm all on board the Lakers bandwagon right now because I'll tell you why.

Speaker 1 LeBron James said he admitted last night, maybe I've been drinking too much wine.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 you're going to root for the Lakers, aren't you? It's the first step. No, I'm not saying I'm not going to root for the Lakers.

Speaker 1 I think it's going to be Lakers and the Celtics in the championship. All this ratings.
I warned you about this.

Speaker 1 All this ratings stuff that you're seeing. The ratings are down.
The ratings are down. What happened in the 80s when the ratings were down?

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 yeah. What happened? Magic Johnson got AIDS.
Nope. So is he going to get AIDS again?

Speaker 1 Magic Johnson. What has he ever done? Don Sterling.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to say the rest of them. Oh, come on.
You got to hit the bottom. He's got my AIDS.

Speaker 1 No, that was like 10 years after. But maybe like a nice three-peat versus LeBron, We can take him down 3-0.

Speaker 1 There's a text message out there between us, Hank, where I warned you about this, and you're like, no way.

Speaker 1 Well, I didn't realize that LeBron just was willingly not playing defense. It was like, this year I'm going to play defense for one cycle.
It's true. He did.

Speaker 1 And Dwight Howard, who I'm now a fan of after our interview with him, he's playing unbelievable. And he farted into.
And Rondo. It's tough.
The Lakers are a good team. Yeah, it sucks.

Speaker 1 What would be the alternate? If you were David Stern and you were programming these NBA Finals again, if you couldn't have Lakers versus Celtics, what are you going to go with?

Speaker 1 Clippers.

Speaker 1 Sixers versus Clippers? Yeah, but that doesn't pop.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it doesn't really.

Speaker 1 The nice thing about the Lakers, LeBron, going out west, is that if you just want to ignore them being really good, you can. Very easy.

Speaker 1 You can just go to sleep. It's kind of like the Bill Walton discussion.
Just go to sleep and pretend it doesn't happen. That's what I've been doing.

Speaker 1 And then I get stray Laker fans in my mentions being like, remember when you said they weren't going to be good? Yeah, I remember. Okay.
Do you you think it's time for Caruso to shave?

Speaker 1 I think he should just let that puppy grow. He's awesome.
He is very fun to play.

Speaker 1 We're going to give him five points. He's going to be a few points a game.
Yeah, he's awesome. No, he's awesome.
He's really good, Hank. Hank, awesome.

Speaker 1 I think people, I do like him, but I think he's getting overly hyped. Well,

Speaker 1 I mean.

Speaker 1 He's, you know.

Speaker 1 It looks like he went to Duke. Yeah, right.

Speaker 1 Or like one of the 12 guys on the Wisconsin Badgers basketball team. Or he could.
You know what we're saying. Play wide receiver for the Patriots.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's athletic when you wouldn't expect him to be. Yeah.
Correct. A hockey player, if you will.
Yeah. Yeah.
Coach's son.

Speaker 1 Okay. Let's.

Speaker 1 Oh, I have my cool throne. My cool throne is rivalry trophies.
So we're going to quickly talk about college football Saturday and some rivalry games.

Speaker 1 I was looking this up, PFT, when we talked about doing rivalry trophies, the best ones. Yeah.
Because I do think, and I'm obviously biased, but I do think Paul Bunyan's axe is up there.

Speaker 1 I have that as my number one. It's fucking awesome.
It's enormous. It's just a great trophy to have.

Speaker 1 It's It's a great trophy because you run and grab it and you get to hold it up and it's fucking cool.

Speaker 1 Fake chop down the goalposts, the whole thing. So I was looking this up.
I didn't realize that Oregon, Oregon State, the Civil War, has a trophy, the

Speaker 1 platypus trophy.

Speaker 1 And it got lost for like 40 years. Just like the real platypus, which I think is extinct, right? Is it? That's news to me.
Actually, I made that up.

Speaker 1 I made that up. Yeah, that's it.
That's my fault. I just rediscovered the platypus.
I didn't realize that was a trophy, and it was because it has a duck-like bill and a beaver-like tail.

Speaker 1 That's fucking cool. Yeah, it just looks like an animal that God was wasted, and he just like crammed together two of his other types of animals.
Yeah, they're great.

Speaker 1 I think they lay eggs too, yeah, which is awesome. It was lost from 1962 to 2006.
That's a long time to be lost. Where'd they find it? They found it in the uh pool complex of like Oregon State.

Speaker 1 They had reappropriated it as a um rugby, a water water polo trophy. Wow.
Which makes sense is a platypus and they swim. But how funny is that?

Speaker 1 That is very funny. I'm glad that they found it.

Speaker 1 I would like that trophy. I would like to win that trophy.
I want that trophy. I want it in this office.

Speaker 1 I have on my list, by the way, the Big Ten just absolutely dominates the category of best trophies. Oh, yeah.
But there are a couple that aren't in the Big Ten. I like the Golden Cowboy hat.

Speaker 1 The Oklahoma, Texas, especially when the coach puts it on right after the game. When a coach is wearing a cowboy hat, that's always funny.
Yep. The keg of nails.
Cincinnati versus Louisville.

Speaker 1 That's great. Keg of nails.
You can get hammered or get hammered. Yep.
I like the little brown jug. Yep.
That's Minnesota, Michigan. They don't play every year anymore, which kind of sucks.
I like the

Speaker 1 president's trophy. There's a lot of governor's trophies, too.
The president's trophy, though,

Speaker 1 for the military, for troops. Yep.
And that one's fucking. It's fucked up that you don't get an actual trophy when you you become elected president.
Yes. Isn't that? Yes.
You guys are dip guys.

Speaker 1 The Michigan State brass spittoon. That one's good, too.
That one's good.

Speaker 1 Just the name Splatoon

Speaker 1 is fire. I like the boot.
The boot trophy between LSU and Arkansas. Yep.
You kill somebody with that thing. It's good.
That one's good.

Speaker 1 There's two different pig trophies in the Big Ten, which is great.

Speaker 1 You really just have run out of things to give away when you're just like, let's just do a pig.

Speaker 1 So Wisconsin, Iowa has one, and Iowa and Minnesota have one as well. So it's nice to have a couple pig trophies out there.
And then the golden egg, which we were joking about, why is it the Egg Bowl?

Speaker 1 And I'm sure someone will, you know, we actually work with probably the biggest Mississippi State fan in the world and Brandon Walker, but we just assumed the Egg Bowl was because

Speaker 1 like the man with the most eggs in Mississippi is the richest guy in town. That is your God.
Yeah. That is your mayor.
So that has to be why it's the Egg Bowl. It has to.

Speaker 1 Someone's going to tell us the real reason, and it's not going to be as good as what we just said.

Speaker 1 it might be like very sad there might be a sad historic reason behind it that is gonna be a big downer oh you're right you know shit should we cancel the egg bowl no let's keep it going let's keep it going for now until we find out what that terrible reason is i like the bucket between purdue and indiana yep i don't know if you've seen this bucket but it looks like they they forgot like a kid that forgot about christmas and had to make his mom a card last minute that's what this bucket looks like it's just like this rickety thing with a bunch of eyes hanging off of it yep yep um uh the We already talked about the golden boot.

Speaker 1 This one's not a good trophy, but the Apple Cup on, I think they're playing Friday this year. I just like the name of the Apple Cup.
I like saying Apple Cup. That's a fun thing to say.

Speaker 1 Yeah, a lot of nice peas in there. Yeah, and you just kind of see them playing out west.
You're like, that's cool. I kind of want to go to an Apple Cup sometime.

Speaker 1 Any other ones? Any other big games we got? I mean, the Iron Bowl is going to be awesome this year.

Speaker 1 Michigan, Ohio State. I actually, we talked about it, but if Jim Harbaugh can somehow win that game, could be excellent.
It's going to be an all-time post-game press conference. Yep.

Speaker 1 Which one, isn't there a Purdue game where the winner gets a cannon?

Speaker 1 You get a gun? Yes, there is. There is.
There is, I think it is versus, I can't remember who plays it. It's Purdue.

Speaker 1 Just be the schools with the two largest percentages of dudes that played. I think it's Purdue.

Speaker 1 The giant phallus. It's Purdue, Illinois, I think, is the cannon.
And then

Speaker 1 Illinois Northwestern play for something with Lincoln. And then there's a bunch of Paul Bunyans, too.
Yeah, Yeah, so there's Paul Bunyan's axe. There's a Paul Bunyan statue.

Speaker 1 Yes, yeah, it's just Paul Bunyan gets everything. The Duke UNC victory bell is pretty good, too.
Get to ring the bell. All right, why is it called the Egg Bowl?

Speaker 1 The game got its name from the trophy the teams play for, the golden egg. What? So they named it.
And why did they give the golden egg?

Speaker 1 It was an egg.

Speaker 1 That's just what was nearby.

Speaker 1 They found an egg, and they're like, let's just dip this in bronze. Say it's gold.
All right, so we're going with our explanation of why it's called the egg bowl.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the richest man in Mississippi with all the eggs. He who has all the eggs becomes king.
Yes,

Speaker 1 he rules the land. It's like that guy, you know that guy down the street? He's got a shitload of eggs.
He gets to put on the bowl every year.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's get to our interview with Danica Patrick. We also have a very special guest inside of the interview, the PFT FaceTime.
So be ready for that.

Speaker 1 Before we do that, though, a quick word from our friends at I'm not going back to college to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber one for students.
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Speaker 1 Okay, here she is. Danica Patrick.

Speaker 2 Do you lose some weight?

Speaker 1 Yeah, thank you. Oh, keep that in.
No, no, we're not. No, shit.
That's a good question. Danica Patrick, recording show, recurring guest, good friend.
Keep that part in.

Speaker 1 She said, Did you lose some weight? I did, Danica. Thank you for noticing it.

Speaker 2 Well, it's hard. So whenever I feel like I notice it in someone, I just say it.
Even if it's not true, for whatever reason, it was a thought. And that's always, that's a nice comment.

Speaker 1 What if I had been like, actually, I have a tapeworm?

Speaker 2 I'd say, well, it worked.

Speaker 1 That's one way. That's one way.
All right. Very hungry to say.

Speaker 2 Actually, isn't it? I feel like it's

Speaker 2 something that back in the old days used to be ingested on purpose for weight loss.

Speaker 1 I would take a medically induced tapeworm. I would also get medically induced mono to just hang out on my couch for a couple months.

Speaker 1 No doubt in my mind. That's a great way to lose this.
That's a good one right there.

Speaker 1 Yeah. All right.
So, Danica Patrick on the show. She is a recurring guest, a friend of ours.
She has her own podcast called Pretty Intense. You can go download it right now.

Speaker 1 Just how intense is this podcast?

Speaker 2 It's pretty intense, but there's also a a really big element of slowing down. So these interviews are, you know, they're long, they're really long dives into different topics.

Speaker 2 And it's funny, it almost feels like at 45 minutes is when you start hitting your stride and you really start connecting.

Speaker 2 And then all of a sudden, 45 more minutes later, I'm getting the piece of paper that says one colon 30 on it. And I'm like, oh, God, I better be done soon.

Speaker 2 Number one, for respect of their time, but number two, because it's a commitment to listen to. That's like a two-part listen.
Yes. You know, it's hard to get that all in.

Speaker 1 So, what would you say is harder, being a NASCAR driver or being a podcaster?

Speaker 2 Oh, it's definitely harder to be a NASCAR driver.

Speaker 1 No, no.

Speaker 1 You're just saying that because you're trying to alpha us in our own interview. I know your tricks.

Speaker 2 What is our physical risk right now?

Speaker 1 Very high.

Speaker 1 You could get very overweight in a short period of time. Yeah, I had to lose all that weight.

Speaker 1 Let's see. My hands get clammy sometimes.

Speaker 2 Let's not shake hands.

Speaker 1 Oh, my back hurts because I sit in a chair all day. Okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you don't sit in a race car at all.

Speaker 1 No. I do get sweaty, though.
You'd be surprised under these lights, under the bright lights of the podcast, by the end of a show, my back is soaked. It's crazy.
Nicotine. Oh, nicotine.

Speaker 1 I was addicted to that.

Speaker 2 I was out of patch on that.

Speaker 1 I'm not addicted to smoking, but I was hopelessly addicted to Jewel for about six months. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they say that's pretty bad, actually. Don't they say that Jewel is not that much better?

Speaker 1 It's worse than smoking.

Speaker 2 So it's a

Speaker 2 secret step further from smoking. Smoking Smoking is the gateway to jewel.

Speaker 1 I got off jeweling by smoking cigarettes. Dead serious.
No, he is serious. Not a joke.
He's very serious. I know it sounds like a hacking comedic joke, but it's actually true.

Speaker 2 I mean, there's preparation for a race because you're at the track and you have to practice and things like that.

Speaker 2 But there's a different preparation for podcasts and when you're interviewing somebody.

Speaker 2 And, you know, I spend about two hours, I'd say, on each guest just, you know, thinking the questions, reading information and reading research about them, but then formulating

Speaker 2 a flow flow of the conversation and also,

Speaker 2 you know, the hot topics. Like, what can we talk about that would be really interesting? And I really enjoy coming at these interviews from some different angles.

Speaker 2 And, you know, I was just given a huge compliment by somebody yesterday that said, a really intelligent guy who said, that's the best interview I've ever done.

Speaker 2 And I was like, wow, that's, that's really, really, really, really nice. And you probably shouldn't tell me that because I'm not going to try any harder now.

Speaker 1 That does feel good.

Speaker 1 That is what it's all about. It's the content high.
When you finish an interview over, it's like, that's one of the best ever. Checkered flag.
Have you ever wrecked an interview?

Speaker 2 I actually listened to an interview that I did, and I was like, okay, I think I crashed and burned a little on that one.

Speaker 2 Like, I just feel I'm one of the things I have to practice doing is listening a little bit. Where here, you guys are doing a great job of nodding your heads, and you well practice, good job.

Speaker 1 You usually have like a bobblehead.

Speaker 2 Good. Yes, it's working.
I feel good about it. I'm able to keep rambling.
And as a guest, you know, you want to have that opportunity to talk. So sometimes I talk too much or sometimes I interrupt.

Speaker 2 And so these are things that I never had to think much about before because I was just waiting for the question to end and then I'd just start talking. So yeah,

Speaker 2 I feel like that's one of those elements where if you do too much of that, that's like a crash and burn to me. And I've asked about the episode that I liked, that I didn't feel my best.

Speaker 2 And people were like, no, it was fine. Was it your best? No, but like it was still totally fine.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, What is wrecking look like?

Speaker 1 When I brought up the jerk-off crystals to you, that was a wreck. Yeah, kind of a wreck.
Well, you turned it off. You turned it off.
Yeah, I was like, it wasn't that.

Speaker 1 Actually, speaking of jerk off, you remember that? Yeah, I do. The Craigslist?

Speaker 1 I mean, that was a wreck. Like, that was a, hey, I'm going to go.
I'm going to try to draft and then make a fucking move.

Speaker 1 I don't know any NASCAR terminology. I'm going to make a fucking, I'm going to make a move.
I'm going to swoop in and get parachuted in. We don't swoop in.

Speaker 1 You parachute. Yeah.
We We also don't parachute. Drop in.
You're trampolined. Trampoline.
I'm going to trampoline to the front, and then boom, I crashed. What do you call it when you get the

Speaker 1 draft? Slingshot. Slingshot.
That's it. Slingshot.
I slingshot it into a wall.

Speaker 2 Slingshot engaged.

Speaker 1 Whoa, did you see that?

Speaker 2 Well, that's from a movie.

Speaker 2 No, it's from

Speaker 1 Strawshake Redemption.

Speaker 1 Slingshot engaged. Dennis the Menace.
Face off. I can't think.

Speaker 1 No, you said Force Company.

Speaker 2 Seven by Brian. The Slingshot Engage is from

Speaker 1 Freaky Friday.

Speaker 2 Is it Talladega Knights, maybe?

Speaker 1 Oh, Talladega.

Speaker 1 And Pam Anderson. Yeah.
Shake and bake. Shake and bake.
Slingshot Engage.

Speaker 1 So what I'm doing is we were talking about jerk-off crystals. I have a very special guest I'd like to just connect with on FaceTime real quick.
Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 I don't know what he's about to do. No, hang on.

Speaker 1 FaceTime is still... Here we go.

Speaker 2 I heard you getting blown up over there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, sorry about that. So this is

Speaker 1 Devin Cajust. He's

Speaker 1 on the Browns. Yes.

Speaker 1 And he's really into crystals as well. I wanted to connect you to because

Speaker 1 you like crystals.

Speaker 2 I do.

Speaker 1 I love crystals. Hey, Devin, what's up, man? It's PFT.
What's up, man?

Speaker 1 Hey, we got Danica Patrick here. She is a big-time crystal enthusiast.
I thought that we should connect the two of you.

Speaker 1 Just, you know, for professional reasons. You guys should probably know each other.
Network a little bit.

Speaker 2 What kind of crystals do you have?

Speaker 1 What kind of crystals do you have? Hey, what kind of crystals do you have?

Speaker 1 Well, not in my home right here, I just moved out of the house, but the only crystals I have right next to me are these enormous slabs of selenite.

Speaker 1 Nice.

Speaker 1 You have selenite?

Speaker 2 Selenite does not need to be charged. So it's all, yeah.
So you don't have to jerk off onto selenite. You really are a crystal guy.

Speaker 2 So crystals don't, some crystals need to be essentially like charged under the full moon. Right.
And selenite never needs to be charged. It actually helps neutralize other crystals.

Speaker 1 Yes, I use it. Yeah, I use it for cleansing.
That's why I have this huge slab because then I'll just place my crystals on that.

Speaker 1 So, in case the full moon isn't out, or I don't have time during the day to go back out and grab them from the sun or run them under the water, I'll just leave them overnight.

Speaker 1 And they actually do have a nice little trash in the middle. That's like, it's like your Mopi.
It's your Mophy crystal. You can just take it anywhere.

Speaker 2 I'm so proud of you. Good job.
You know, and you know, the people that don't believe in crystals, well, more for us.

Speaker 1 Fuck the non-crystal believers. More for us.

Speaker 2 I'm wearing crystals. I have moonstone on.
I can feel it. And I have a Moonstone on this finger.

Speaker 1 I can feel it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's it. And I have some other symbolic things, but those are my crystals that I have on.

Speaker 1 Do you rock with Moonstone, Devin?

Speaker 1 I do use Moonstone with Black Tourmaline. I have a sphere of it,

Speaker 1 just to balance out that feminine side, because you know, I've played the most hyper-masculine sports, so kind of learning to show people you can have both. Yeah.
I have used it.

Speaker 1 I'm a big Moldavite guy. Moldavite?

Speaker 1 Moldavite. I don't know about Moldavite.

Speaker 2 What is the nature of Moldavite?

Speaker 1 Yeah, what does ni what does Moldavite do? I can't believe you guys don't know. So, Moldavite is considered like the holy grail of stones.
It's a meteor from

Speaker 1 the Czech Republic in Russia, and it amplifies any other stone very, very intensely, but it also takes you from point A to point B on the fastest path.

Speaker 1 So, things that you've been ignoring, things that you haven't dealt with, emotions, or people in your life, it's really going to uproot that, and it may be very difficult, but again, it's going to get you where you want to be.

Speaker 2 What's been something that has been uprooted because of its fast track to truth for you?

Speaker 2 Relationships. A lot of my relationships.
My circle has changed.

Speaker 2 I left a former relationship. It's just,

Speaker 2 I'm in a new home.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Wow. What type of crystals

Speaker 1 do you think could help the Browns right now?

Speaker 2 Do you think one of those. We don't want to help the Browns.
There's nothing that we need to do to help the Browns.

Speaker 1 Czech Republic Stones. Do you think that could install some of those around the facility in Berea?

Speaker 1 Honestly, if they embedded them in the ground and made a grid underneath, that actually would help them. Okay, you should do that.

Speaker 2 The problem is that when you're playing home games where they're

Speaker 2 gridded up underneath the underneath the turf or the grass, whatever you have, it's going to help

Speaker 2 my boyfriend, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah, true. Yeah.
Aaron Rodgers. Ever heard of him? No, I would, I would use, I don't know.
I would actually use Breiki or I would do some grids in my mind on the field to help everybody.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't be like, you know, who's going to win is going to win.

Speaker 1 I can't really control that outcome, but let's make sure that the injuries are down and let's make sure that no one's getting a huge concussion or get killed or whatever that is.

Speaker 1 So let's use some crystals for that. It's good for everybody.
Yeah. Wow.

Speaker 2 Your crystal knowledge is impressive. Good job.

Speaker 1 Thanks, man. All right.

Speaker 1 We're going to tag you when we put this video out so that you and Danica can connect after that. All right.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. Pleasure, you guys.
All right. See you, man.
See you, Devin. Good talking to you, buddy.
Okay, not good luck.

Speaker 1 Well, he's not on a roster. That's the one thing I don't know.
Well, okay, so that's the one thing I don't understand about Devin Cajuson.

Speaker 1 Like, I understand crystal energy and everything, but, like, if you're a big crystal guy,

Speaker 1 shouldn't the crystals get you on a roster? Well, it's gotten him that far. Hang on.
He's never been on a roster. Hang on.

Speaker 2 You are assuming that football is his pinnacle. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, he definitely wanted to make the team when he got cut last year.

Speaker 2 Okay, but maybe that's not where he's supposed supposed to be. Maybe the crystals are helping

Speaker 2 to his truth.

Speaker 1 Crystal salesman, I'd rather have someone who's on a team.

Speaker 2 When you are seeking the truth, the truth isn't always what you think it is.

Speaker 1 That's whoa, write that down. The universe has other plans for Devin Caju, and it might not be catching touchdowns.
Okay. We probably won't do that.

Speaker 1 I'm going to get some crystals. I got to get some crystals.
I really do. Like, I forget every now and then, like, oh man, crystal energy.
So, which one should I get to start? Moonlight?

Speaker 2 Moonstone? Moonstone.

Speaker 2 Moonstone's kind of a magical crystal.

Speaker 2 I'm not, he knows his crystals really well.

Speaker 2 I attach like a thought to a crystal because there are so many and there's so many very close meanings and overlapping of what they mean as well.

Speaker 2 Some of them are all that they have a similar trait to them.

Speaker 2 But Moonstone's kind of more of the stone of magic. And, you know,

Speaker 1 do you leave crystals around the house? Like, does it, do you think it affects like Aaron, how he plays?

Speaker 2 I mean, we have a lot of crystals. Um, we also have crystal bowls.
Crystal bowls are, um,

Speaker 2 this interview is just, um, really, it's surprising me. I'm really impressed with you guys.
This is

Speaker 2 curiosity with the crystals and surprised. But anyway, back on the crystal path,

Speaker 2 the crystal rainbow here,

Speaker 2 we have crystal bowls. So, crystal bowls are alchemy bowls.
So, they are all, you can play those.

Speaker 2 So, if anyone's ever been to a sound healing or heard about sound healing,

Speaker 2 you could YouTube it or, you know, to listen to what crystal bowls are like or you can look at what they look like. Some of them are just,

Speaker 2 some of them are just white or just clear, but then there are also ones where they mix in stones with them.

Speaker 2 So those are the ones that I have or the ones that are mixed in, and those are sort of like the highest end crystal bowls. And they all play, so

Speaker 2 they also play a note. And so it's musical.

Speaker 2 And so they play a note. And that note then also corresponds with one of your energy centers or chakra points okay and so

Speaker 2 like the frequency yeah okay exactly so so every it's really interesting when I did the bowl sound bowl session to find them it was very intuitive I was there for like two hours and I had my eyes closed there was some meditation and I felt like gladiator thumbs up thumbs down with my eyes closed whether or not I like the sound of the bowl or not but then I also was able to identify where it hit me and sure enough it always correlated with the note whoa without knowing I didn't even know that was a part of it.

Speaker 1 By the way,

Speaker 1 retirement sounds awesome. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Have you thought about doing like a podcast about crystals? Talking crystals? We could be on it. I got the idea.

Speaker 1 Have you had someone on Pretty Intense?

Speaker 2 No, not. No.

Speaker 1 I haven't. I thought about Crystal Bulls.
I mean, I'm interested in all these things. So, like, genuinely, I would like.

Speaker 2 I actually think while you might, you, you, you

Speaker 2 really, truly interested. This isn't even a joke.
You've asked me so many questions.

Speaker 1 I believe in all this stuff. Like, I actually do.

Speaker 2 Do you feel like you have to put on a tough front because you're here at Bar School Sports and you're like, you got to be like a tough guy and you can't talk about something like crystals?

Speaker 1 No, no. I

Speaker 1 don't believe, I struggle because I don't believe in like

Speaker 1 religion or God. But then this stuff, I'm like, maybe.

Speaker 2 This is spirituality.

Speaker 1 This is a little different.

Speaker 1 I think that anything that makes you feel something is real to you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, absolutely. What resonates with you?

Speaker 2 What works with you?

Speaker 2 And, you know, then, and I know that placebo effect sounds like something that, quote, doesn't work,

Speaker 2 but placebo effect's just a word.

Speaker 2 It implies that something worked through the mind.

Speaker 1 There are medical studies where people's health has improved, like from a chronic disease because they think they're getting medication. Sugar pills.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so placebo effect isn't something that doesn't work. It works.
Right. It's just a word that has, I think, that negative thought to it or,

Speaker 2 you know, something that is

Speaker 2 not really

Speaker 2 real, and it's totally real. If you're getting better because you think a certain way, maybe think a certain way.
Yes. So you have to, if you

Speaker 2 want to believe in crystals, then.

Speaker 1 I just want to, I mean, it really is, I'm looking for an edge gambling, and like in general. No, I'm being honest with you.

Speaker 1 Like, I think that there probably is a crystal out there for me, so I'm going to find one.

Speaker 2 Well, I think that if I'm going to dive into you want to be better at gambling, and these crystals are something you're curious about, now you're going into the sort of arena of intuition and feel.

Speaker 2 And so if you can tap into that side of you more and more and more, you're going to be able to sit at a table.

Speaker 2 This is my opinion, but

Speaker 2 you'll be able to sit at the table and you'll be able to start to get intuitional intuition hits of like, now, yes, no, or like, I know what you've got.

Speaker 2 And I feel like all information is accessible, right? I really do.

Speaker 2 In some way. I agree.
So even if you're you're reading their mind, it's information that's accessible in an intuitive way. Are you? I'm getting super

Speaker 1 out there. You're staring at me so hard right now.
Are you reading my mind? Well. What am I thinking right now? We'll say it on the count of three.

Speaker 1 One, two,

Speaker 1 three. Fuck Aaron Rodgers.
Oh, damn. Nope.

Speaker 1 Nope. I thought you guys had it too.
I thought we had it for a second there. I really did.

Speaker 2 Turns out I wasn't thinking anything like it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, different sometimes. At some point in the day, you probably have that thought.
Right.

Speaker 1 Speaking of Aaron, I am an owner of the Green Bay Packers. Oh, yeah.
So he works for me.

Speaker 2 Right, if you're a part owner, do you have a hat?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I've got my hat. I've got my hat over there.
It's up top. Up top on the shelf.

Speaker 1 Not fake. It's on the very top.
Where's that? The cheese head. Oh, yeah.
So I'm an owner.

Speaker 2 I have a cheese cowboy hat at home.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so do you own the team as well? No. Okay, so I own your boyfriend, Aaron.

Speaker 1 He shaved before the last game, and then he stunk. I would like to fine him $40

Speaker 1 for shaving before the game. He can pay me on Cash App.
Okay. That's fine, but I hereby fine him.
I'll see you pay for it. Did you pass that along?

Speaker 2 No, what happened was it was Halloween. And we decided to be characters from Napoleon Dynamite, which was Uncle Rico, who, you know,

Speaker 2 just wanted to go back to 82 and he'd won state.

Speaker 2 So he's a football player, ex-football player. And I was Deb.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I'm shots by Deb. Did I have the sleeves? Puffy sleeves? No, I was just in like a little collared shirt with my

Speaker 2 light whitewashed jeans and my fanny pack.

Speaker 2 Fanny packs for life, by the way.

Speaker 1 Yes, they're just so practical. I agree.
I have one that has a boombox on it so you can play your jams wherever you go.

Speaker 2 That's a great idea for hiking and walking. I'm going to look into that.

Speaker 2 And so he has an ability to transform his look through his facial hair so easily, right? I mean, we've seen it. The stash, you name it.
Like, he's good at that. He really gets a good mustache going.

Speaker 2 So Uncle Rico had a mustache. Correct.
So he had to, he gave himself a mustache for Halloween.

Speaker 2 And then he's like, he's like, and then as soon as it was over, gone with the mustache, let it grow back out. So he still was scruffy.
He just wasn't as like...

Speaker 1 I just, I bet on the Packers. I hate the Packers, but I bet on the Packers.
And then I saw his face like midway through the second quarter. I was like, God damn it.

Speaker 2 That's it. Well, I bet, given the fact that we had a snowstorm the other night, it's probably growing back pretty good.

Speaker 1 Is that what happens in the the snowstorm? We did have a snowstorm.

Speaker 1 He gets hairier than

Speaker 1 that.

Speaker 2 Well, it's because you need the facial hair to stay warm. True.
And it's been a week or two now, so it doesn't take too long.

Speaker 1 I can't grow a facial hair.

Speaker 2 Which is also probably why he doesn't mind just cutting, shaving, making a mustache, whatever, because it's like, oh, just in two hours, it'll be back.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, I'm going to bet he's going to look back to normal. Everything will go well.
But, hey, I mean, the Chargers had to have a good game at some point, right?

Speaker 2 They were due.

Speaker 2 They were, you know, and I guess if you're going to have one of your worst games, like offense and defense was, wasn't, you know, it wasn't jiving, and they had their best game of the year,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 2 I'd rather it be like that than be really close. And, oh, you know, like, get that bad game out of the way, learn from it.

Speaker 1 And I agree with that, actually. Mack Strong.
Yeah, I mean, if you just get, like, blown out, it's a meaningful game. It's sometimes better.
Yeah, it gives a team that's not going to do much.

Speaker 1 Would that be, would that work for race car driving, too? Like, would there be times where it's like, hey, you just,

Speaker 1 if it's like a bad day, it's just a bad day

Speaker 2 well I mean

Speaker 2 I mean I'm thinking but from a blowout standpoint from really close I mean you tend to not think what did I do wrong when it was really close you think holy crap what do I need to do when it goes really bad

Speaker 2 so there were times where you know I was on a four-car team at the end of my cup career and or at the end of my career when I raced cup and you know if someone or two would do really well then it was like oh everything's fine and I would always get really frustrated because it wasn't fine.

Speaker 2 There were issues, and not every car is the same either. And, but if someone had a good day, they're like, well, I guess everything's okay.

Speaker 2 And so, if everyone had a bad day, though, it was kind of more accountability on the team and what to do, and fixing things. And so,

Speaker 2 so I think sometimes there's a little more incentive and motivation to solve the problem when it's a little more dramatic.

Speaker 1 Gotcha, gotcha. So,

Speaker 1 last time we had you on, I think we asked you all the standard race car questions. So, we're not going to ask you like, Yeah, is there a horn? Is there a turn signal? Do you pee yourself?

Speaker 1 No, you're a friend now. Are you dyped up? You're a friend, so we're going to get into some more.
So I did see that a Russian billionaire hired you to drive him around.

Speaker 2 Well, it was actually his girlfriend, but it was a surprise. But yeah.

Speaker 1 That story pissed me off. Surprise? That story? No, I was part of the story.

Speaker 1 I didn't like that story. And I'll tell you why.
Why? Because when I heard you introduce the story, I was like, that's awesome. That sounds great.

Speaker 1 And then he just hired you to drive him around a track and go really fast.

Speaker 1 I thought it was a super flex that he hired you and flew you out to Vegas to drive him and his buddies up and down the strip from the Palomino Club to like

Speaker 2 I was their driver for the

Speaker 1 you so you'd rather have me drive you around on the streets following the rules sort of than driving on a racetrack it would be a flex to walk out of the spearmint rhino and be like hey my limo is out here i'm being driven by damn spearmint rhino don't act like you don't know what i really don't know it's what shows up on the network

Speaker 1 meant until like a couple years ago.

Speaker 2 Wait, what did you say? Because I never did it. So, what I said, I didn't even know what Netflix and chill meant until I was

Speaker 2 at a sponsor event, sitting there, and someone asked a question at the end, and everybody kind of giggled.

Speaker 2 I'm like, I don't really have Netflix, but I mean, I like to chill out, and you know, and they realized I had no idea what that meant.

Speaker 1 Wait, so you invented Netflix and chill. No, what? To yourself.
I was way behind.

Speaker 2 Do I know? So you can't. So I'm telling you, I'm sheltered, and I don't know what the Spearman Rhino is.

Speaker 1 The Spearman Rhino is a club of ill repute, which is actually a great club. It's a gentleman's cabaret.
Yes.

Speaker 1 It's burlesque, a house of noir. I think I just made that one up.
Full nudity? Yeah, tops and bottoms. Got it.
So you're really good at pretending that you don't know.

Speaker 1 Actually, I don't know what it is. It's not full nudity, but the Palomino is.

Speaker 1 So if I was a Russian billionaire, an oligarch, and I walked out of the Palomino and said, you know what, I'm tired of bottomless. I want to go to the Spearman Rhino, which has bottoms.

Speaker 1 Here's my driver. It's Danica Patrick in this limo.
That is the biggest flex you could ever get. That's That's what I would do instead.

Speaker 2 I just, you just described what your hope and dream was.

Speaker 2 I can't do that for you.

Speaker 1 I'm not saying not for me. Oh, you don't want a Russian oligarch.
Okay. What would your price be for an oil magnate from Siberia to be like, hey, I want Danica to drive me up and down the strip?

Speaker 1 For six hours worth of driving.

Speaker 2 For six hours?

Speaker 1 And mostly you just sit in the car waiting for him. Yeah.

Speaker 2 What would you pay for it?

Speaker 1 What would be a reasonable fee?

Speaker 1 Surcharge, maybe like $100 an hour.

Speaker 2 So how many times do you want to multiply that by to get my rate?

Speaker 1 I think you could get somebody to pay $500,000. $3 billion.

Speaker 2 If you can find someone to pay me $500,000.

Speaker 1 $3 billion. Do you get 10%?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay, sweet.

Speaker 1 What kind of car do you drive regularly?

Speaker 2 Usually a Range Rover or a rental. Oh.
And rentals run the gamut.

Speaker 1 Do you get, like, when you rent a car, are you like, I kind of want the nice ones that have a good engine? No. Oh, really?

Speaker 2 I mean, I get whatever I get. And a lot of times it's flying into

Speaker 2 FBOs and private airports, so the stock of cars is not also as good sometimes. Thoughts and prayers.

Speaker 1 Does that bother you? Thoughts and prayers. Does that bother you when you drive a car, you're like, this, this Hemi, I don't know what that means.
This Hemi sucks.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I might have had a Hemi, actually.

Speaker 2 I remember there was one that I drove around that was like a van-sized Buick, and it wasn't a van, but it was an SUV, and there were dents and like white X marks to mark the dents on it before I even got it.

Speaker 2 Okay. And I thought, man, is this raising my street cred or lowering it? Right.

Speaker 1 What do you think?

Speaker 2 You guys are good people to ask for this.

Speaker 1 I think if you have...

Speaker 1 No, I think it's raising because you can be like, yeah, gotten some wrecks, you know? Like, was just trying to slingshot the dude on the highway.

Speaker 2 It's not raising my street cred because, you know what? Who cares that it's not nice? I can drive anything. Yes.

Speaker 1 Well, no, it's like

Speaker 1 I am I make moves when I'm driving. Do you see these dents? Like that's how aggressive.

Speaker 2 What if I what about flying a coach? Like commercial and flying coach.

Speaker 1 Is that raising my street kid? It'd be weird or lowering it. Lowering big time for lowering it? I think you can fly coach.
I think it'd be weird.

Speaker 2 I think it's raising my street kid.

Speaker 1 Like look how normal she is. Yeah, no.
How cool is she?

Speaker 1 I don't think you're normal enough to be able to be normal and coach.

Speaker 1 If you were in coach and you were like middle seat on a southwest flight and I sat next next to you, I would be like, wow, she made some bad investments.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, yeah, you'd think she's actually a lot more poor than everyone else. She brought a shitload of crystals.
GoDaddy stocks down. Yeah.
Yeah. She spent them all on

Speaker 1 the selenite. Moonrock.
Moonrock. What about the people of Green Bay when you go to like the grocery store? Do people are like, hey, what's up, Danica?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's raising your stat care.

Speaker 2 But I go to the grocery store a lot.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so that's raising your street cat. Okay.
Yeah. There isn't a Whole Foods in Green Bay, right? No.
Yeah. Definitely not.
No way. No way.
Definitely not.

Speaker 2 There's a fresh time, though, and that does the trick.

Speaker 2 I actually thought at one point in time it was only festival, and I thought, man, I'm going to have to drive to Madison to Whole Foods every 10 days to get groceries.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yes, that's a drive.

Speaker 1 I think he had lost his drive, but didn't have to. What is the thing that Aaron complains the most about, about his new coach?

Speaker 1 Good question, PFT. Thank you.

Speaker 2 Nothing. There's just nothing.
He's just, you know what? Everything's just

Speaker 1 fucking.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Danica's winking at us.

Speaker 2 You act like I'm going to answer these questions for you.

Speaker 1 I I had to ask a kid. I thought that our rapport was so good that I would hit wink.

Speaker 2 But isn't it cool how well it's going?

Speaker 1 I mean, oh, so cool. I'm so excited for him.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I know that you think so.

Speaker 1 As an owner, my investment is actually really paid off. So, yeah, I am very glad.
We love the dancing. You like LaFleur.
Yeah. Big cat's a huge fan of him.
I hate it.

Speaker 1 We actually went up and interviewed him. Yeah.
In Green Bay. Great.
He's fine. He's kind of a loose man.
Wonderful man. Kind of a loose.
Great man.

Speaker 2 You don't want him to be on your show again, do you? No, I don't care.

Speaker 1 I do.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, no.

Speaker 1 What did you think of Arthur Florida? I love him. Wonderful person.
Great person. He's fine.
As an owner, he's a model employee. Good.
What about John Kuhn? Have you met him?

Speaker 2 I don't think I've actually met John Kuhn,

Speaker 2 but I know who he is. And he was a player, and now he is part of the.
Does he do the radio or does the

Speaker 2 media and does the yeah, like,

Speaker 1 all right, I got one last question. Your podcast is pretty intense.
Dream guest. Oprah.
Oprah. You knew that right away, too.
Yeah, were you? I mean, all right, give me another one.

Speaker 2 Brene Brown.

Speaker 1 Who's that?

Speaker 2 She's, if you like crystals and you like spirituality, she's really good at kind of diving into the personal side of you, like talking about things like vulnerability.

Speaker 2 Like, what was the guy's name that we talked about who was talking about his crystal, saying it taps, like, it's the masculine, feminine energy to bring it out.

Speaker 2 She's going to help you.

Speaker 2 balance your energies out by bringing out, you know, your vulnerability, your honesty, and courage. And,

Speaker 2 you know so Brene Brown's she and she's a fantastic storyteller I like that

Speaker 1 let's get her on our show before Dan again well I was gonna say do you want to ask us who are dream guesses I actually would really like Aaron Rodgers actually yes all right so if we get you Oprah tell you what I FaceTime Devin Cajuse for you you should FaceTime Aaron right now yeah I get what you felt for

Speaker 2 that was so easy you knew I mean come on I don't know if he's ever done your show or anything like

Speaker 1 we will get you Oprah you get us Aaron if I got you Oprah I might have to kidnap Oprah and bring her to you, but would that not,

Speaker 1 would you then be like, hey, Aaron, can you do me a solid? These guys got me Oprah. They kidnapped Oprah.

Speaker 2 Wow, that's an interesting proposition. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Listen, I'm down for it.

Speaker 2 I mean, I could put that sort of clause in of no illegal activity to get these guests.

Speaker 1 We borrowed Oprah. We borrowed Oprah.
From the parking lot. Yeah.
It's like the remake of Seltzer.

Speaker 2 I feel like if I say yes to that, Oprah

Speaker 1 catches wind of this at all, we'll be like, definitely not going on that show. Well, maybe the opposite.
Maybe we're like, hey, Oprah, we won't kidnap you if you just do it yourself. That's right.

Speaker 2 This psychology is so messed up. Right, right.

Speaker 1 The easiest move for everybody involved would be now Oprah, if you're listening to this, just go to the show. And she's a listener.
She's going to get her hands dirty. She's a big-time listener.

Speaker 1 She's a listener. The big AWS.
Everyone knows Oprah loves part of my team.

Speaker 1 You get a car stick. And you get a car stick.

Speaker 2 You know our stuff, at least. Yes.

Speaker 1 Very familiar. Danica, thank you so much.
Pretty intense podcast. Find it everywhere.

Speaker 2 Anywhere you listen to podcasts.

Speaker 1 Anywhere you listen to podcasts. We appreciate it.
You're a friend. You're always welcome back.
And best of luck with the podcast. And I'm excited for some.
I'm going to.

Speaker 1 The crystal storyline continues. Next time you come on, I will have a crystal.
You better. I'll have one around my neck, and I'll be like, boom, won all my bets.
Crystals. Good luck.
Yeah. All right.

Speaker 1 Thanks.

Speaker 1 That interview with Danica Patrick and special guests was brought to you by man. I'll tell you what.

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Speaker 1 So get out there and make your Irish entrance. Anything else just wouldn't be proper.
Okay, you have reached this point of the show. If you do not have to work on Friday, you can listen.

Speaker 1 You can keep listening. You can go through the weekend preview.
You can go through Hassan Minaj, which is a great interview. If you do have to work on Friday, stop it right here.
Stop it right here.

Speaker 1 No, you're still listening. Wait, no, wait.

Speaker 1 No, don't stop it right here. Let me tell you what to do.
Then stop it.

Speaker 1 You stop it after that.

Speaker 1 Shit, okay, if you stopped it before.

Speaker 1 God damn it. No hand.
Go back. If you stopped it before.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they've already stopped. So if you stopped it.
Now it's Friday for that. If you stopped it before, thank you for listening to us tell you to stop it the first time.
I forgot.

Speaker 1 If you haven't stopped it yet, you fuckhead. What we're going to do right now is do a Friday show.
No, no, that's not. And so you should have stopped it already.
No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Because we didn't give the directions yet. That's my point.

Speaker 1 I said stop it right here. I should have given the directions before I said stop it right here.
Because now people have stopped it and they don't get the directions.

Speaker 1 So now they're starting this again and they miss the directions. So

Speaker 1 thank you for listening. Okay, so thank you for those people back.
They're gone until Friday. Thank you for listening to it all the way through again up until this point.
Shit. It's Friday.

Speaker 1 Welcome to part of my take. Hey, guys, it is Friday, November 29th.

Speaker 1 The Bears are dead. The Bears are absolutely not fucking dead.
All right, so if you do have to work on Friday for real,

Speaker 1 just wait.

Speaker 1 You want to ⁇ when I say stop it, you're going to stop it. You're going to delete it, and then you're going to re-download it, and you're going to listen to the weekend preview and Hassan Minaj.

Speaker 1 If you don't have to work Friday, listen to the whole thing. Okay, stop it right here.

Speaker 1 Good? Are we good? Thank you for paying attention. Hey, thank you for watching.
A lot of those losers that have to work on Friday.

Speaker 1 We're talking to all of them right now. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They don't even know that we're talking to them. People that

Speaker 1 are going to be serving me drinks on Friday.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but they don't even know we're talking to them right now because they're just going about their day, drinking, eating their Thanksgiving dinner, and then, boom, 7 o'clock comes on Friday morning.

Speaker 1 Wake up. All you real ones out there that don't have to work Friday, shout out to you guys.

Speaker 1 But you should also delete and then re-download and listen to it again.

Speaker 1 Okay, so concludes the worst three minutes of part of my take we've ever done. Let's do some weekend preview.
Including the A.J. Green interview.
Yeah, including the A.J. Green interview.

Speaker 1 Rock and Refuel. Go get it now.

Speaker 1 This is Loser Leaves Town Sunday. It is.
It is Loser Leaves Town Sunday. We have two monster, monster Loser Leave Town games between the Titans and Colts and the Browns and Steelers.
Yep.

Speaker 1 Browns and Steelers is a big one. I think the Titans and Colts.
I think the Titans and Colts is just as big.

Speaker 1 There's a chance that one of those two teams can make the playoffs even if they lose this game, but Browns and Steelers, this is the Rubicon. This is it.
Portal

Speaker 1 is portal game. I still think that

Speaker 1 the Browns are going to run the table. So I explained to you what a portal game was on the live stream last night, but a lot of people probably weren't watching it.

Speaker 1 Portal game, and the Bears had one a couple weeks ago that I kept on saying it's a portal.

Speaker 1 But the Browns have a portal game in that on the other side of this game against the Steelers on Sunday, they have an actual easy schedule-ish.

Speaker 1 If they win this game, they basically hit the portal to possibly running the table. So, this is the big hurdle.
I likened it to getting a star in Mario Kart.

Speaker 1 If they can win this game, they have the star, and now they can just start running over teams and going way faster than the lightning bolt. Or the lightning bolt.

Speaker 1 When you first said portal game, I was like, uh, a poor man's Blake portal. No, this is the game, which would be Ryan Tannehill.

Speaker 1 If they can win this game, they have a chance to run the table because after this game, so they go to Pittsburgh. Listen, they have to play against Duck.
Yes, which we should put that in here.

Speaker 1 We should put this in here. So we broke the news today via Mark McGrath of Sugar Ray.

Speaker 1 He instructed Mason that Mason was going to get benched in favor of Duck. And here's Mark McGrath to let you know exactly how that's going to shake out.
Hey, what is up, Mason?

Speaker 1 It's Mark McGrath from the band Sugar Ray, off the charts, but always

Speaker 1 in your hearts. And

Speaker 1 these are the tough ones I have to do.

Speaker 1 Mason, unfortunately, the team has not been delivering. And we're going to have to go in a different direction.

Speaker 1 It's time to make that change. And Duck is going to be our new starting quarterback going forward.
You done a hell of a job. You gave it your all.

Speaker 1 someone's got to, you know, someone's got to take the blame.

Speaker 1 And usually it'd be me, coach, but it's going to be you, Mason, this this time. I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 You're an important part of this team. Of course, the team is always about the sum of its parts, not just the parts.
There is no me and team.

Speaker 1 There's no I either. There might be a me.
Either way, Duck, we're going to have to

Speaker 1 throw the ball to you. You're not going to be our starter and our fearless leader.

Speaker 1 And Mason, we're going to need you to be that guy on the bench that really is there supporting Duck and the rest of the team.

Speaker 1 So let's move forward productively in the manner that we know how to do professionally. And thank you, Mason, for your contributions.
But your no longer services will be needed. Shout out to Duck.

Speaker 1 Let's move forward. This is from Coach.

Speaker 1 Good luck, guys. Rest of the way.

Speaker 1 So thank you to Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray.

Speaker 1 Mike Tomlin saying

Speaker 1 Duck hasn't killed us yet. Yeah.
When talking about putting him in instead of Mason Rudolph. Real bad couple weeks for Mason Rudolph.
But the portal game, back to the portal game.

Speaker 1 After this, the Browns have Bengals, Cardinals, Ravens, Bengals. Ravens at home.
I've already beaten them. They could run the table if they win this game.
I think that they will.

Speaker 1 And even if they lose one of these games, per my ESPN playoff machine simulator that I've run non-stop for the last two days, the Browns still could make the playoffs at 9-7.

Speaker 1 It's very possible that they get a tiebreaker over the Titans and over the Indianapolis Colts or the Texans, whichever one of those teams also ends up at 9-7.

Speaker 1 So the Titans, Colts, the other loser-leaves town game, I think it's just as important. Both teams sitting at 6-5.
And it feels like the narrative coming out of this is going to be: Colts are

Speaker 1 back, and you know, they had a little blip there where Brian Horrier was in and all that stuff, or the Titans winning this game.

Speaker 1 I really do think everyone's just going to say they turned a corner against the Chiefs, and now they're just going to pound teams. Yeah,

Speaker 1 is this the game from two years ago where Frank Reich decided to go for it on fourth down and didn't make it, but his whole team was so excited that he gave him faith? Yes, yes, yeah.

Speaker 1 So, this is this is a big one for the Colts. This is what got it all started on their little run that they've been on recently.
We also have a Heisman game.

Speaker 1 The Eagles versus Dolphins. Carson Wentz has to have a Heisman game.
So it's

Speaker 1 when a quarterback plays a really inferior opponent and has to put up big-time numbers. He has to have a moment.
Yeah, it's when like

Speaker 1 when we still had the EA Sports NCAA game and you would schedule a cupcake week one so your quarterback could get 15 touchdowns so that at the end of the season you had like 60 touchdowns, the Heisman game.

Speaker 1 Does he have any wide receivers to play with this week? Doesn't matter. He's got to have a Heisman game.
He's got to put it all on his shoulders and go for it. It's a stat-padding Heisman game.

Speaker 1 He's got to be so pissed off that another quarterback came in and took the duck-killing mantra from him, took the duck-killing crown. That's tough.
That is tough.

Speaker 1 What other games are you looking forward to?

Speaker 1 I mean, that's going to be my big one. I'm very much looking forward to the Monday night game, which is going to be Seahawks Vikings.
Which we'll get to on Sunday. We'll get to you.

Speaker 1 But I just want to say, remind me to bet the under on that one. Okay.
A little bonus under because Cleek Blakeman is the referee, and I got a tip that Cleet has been 10-0 on unders this year.

Speaker 1 I didn't check it, but I got the tip. I don't know why somebody would make that up.
That would be a mean thing to make up. A very mean thing.

Speaker 1 10-0 on unders, Cleef Blakeman. The 49ers Ravens game is going to be fantastic.
Yeah. And

Speaker 1 the

Speaker 1 Raiders-Chiefs game, that's also a sneaky game where...

Speaker 1 Andy Reid off a bye and the Raiders, this is going to be their chance to actually be still in this thing.

Speaker 1 If they lose this game, it's probably curtains on the Raiders making this push that no one saw coming. I don't know.

Speaker 1 It's going to be a fun game to watch.

Speaker 1 I like the AFC West battles. I just always have loved watching AFC West football.
Yeah, it's Andy Reid after bye week versus Andy Reid after Thanksgiving.

Speaker 1 Those are the two forces that are really meeting in this one.

Speaker 1 John Gruden is, I don't think John Gruden celebrates Thanksgiving. He's thankful for literally everyone except for David Carr.

Speaker 1 He's thankful for every quarterback and quarterback prospect and kid who might have thrown a football at some point in his life.

Speaker 1 Except for Mitchell Trubisky, who he was not excited about the night of the draft.

Speaker 1 If John Gruden isn't excited about you as a quarterback member, as a young quarterback,

Speaker 1 I don't think that's true. You got nothing.
When did you see that? It was during the draft. He wasn't doing draft cards.
Milk Kuiper was eating the pumpkin pie, and that was kind of loud.

Speaker 1 So maybe you're not going to be able to do that.

Speaker 1 This is the Mitch Trubisky derangement syndrome that everyone has. This is fake news.
This is like the guy who said, could you imagine drafting Mitch Trubisky over Lamar Jackson?

Speaker 1 That's what you're doing right now. No, I'm saying.
He's just changing the course of history. You're ignoring John Gruden's very prescient take on draft night.
On draft night? On draft night. Shit.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah, I mean, I haven't seen a single quarterback that has sat down in a room with John Gruden that he hasn't nutted himself over except for Mitchell.

Speaker 1 I have Mitch Trubisky derangement syndrome the other way where I'm just trying to forget history. Yeah.
Yeah. That's fine.
Yeah. Say men in black yourself.
The only way I can cope.

Speaker 1 Hank, are you excited for Sunday Night Football, Patriots, Texans? Yep, this is the game Patriots get back in a roll. They always dominate the Texans.
I hate to approach it. Prime time game.

Speaker 1 I think this is a game they win by 10 to 14 points. Except

Speaker 1 he has trouble. Bill Belichick has trouble with mobile quarterbacks.
Not the Texans. And that's not true.
Well, Nick Saban does. And so Bill Belichick and Nick Saban are best friends.

Speaker 1 So therefore, he has a lot of people. Nick Saban is best friends with Bill Belichick.
Oh, you don't think the friendship goes two ways? I mean, he coached underneath him.

Speaker 1 Nick Saban to Bill Belichick is just another coach that, you know, is on his coaching tree.

Speaker 1 I disagree, but also the Ravens beat the Patriots this year. Mobile quarterback.
Well, yeah, but as we've established, that was just to give them false confidence going into the playoffs.

Speaker 1 So wouldn't the Patriots want to do the exact same thing to the Texans since they usually wind up meeting each other? No, but they need this game bad. And Bill knows that.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You don't want to go to Baltimore. No.
No. Be more.

Speaker 1 Honestly, I'm a little worried. I need the Ravens.
Ravens. The Ravens.
I said it.

Speaker 1 PFT. I said.

Speaker 1 Belichick has trouble against the battle. We took an Uber home last night, and I was like, if the Patriots played the Ravens tomorrow, I don't know how they would win.
Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 Are you cracking? I'm not cracking, and I always have ultimate faith. This happens a lot where it's like, you know, this could be the end of the run.
Are they going to do it? They always do, but

Speaker 1 the Ravens just look so dominant. And the Patriots have looked so average to borderline gross the last two weeks that.
You need them to go from average to absolute savage. Yes.

Speaker 1 Max Hickerwood over there predicting the demise of the Patriots dynasty. I'm not.
It's sad that you've turned on him. No, I'm saying if you're not going to be able to do it,

Speaker 1 you just became before our very eyes is Tom Brady over the hill. Is this the end of the dynasty?

Speaker 1 I said the Ravens

Speaker 1 has nothing to do with the Patriots. It has everything to do with the Ravens and how dominant they look.
Just do what I said earlier in the show. They're peaking too early.
Yes.

Speaker 1 That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 The playoffs are a long way away, but

Speaker 1 I need them to start coming down a little bit. There is an element of the Patriots season so far that I wouldn't be shocked if in December they just start

Speaker 1 having an incredible offense out of nowhere. Well, they're like, what?

Speaker 1 I don't think it's necessarily that it would be an incredible offense, but they tend to get better on offense when it gets colder outside. And so they get less bad than everyone else does.

Speaker 1 So it looks like they're just becoming a juggernaut. And I think a lot of it is Belichick is an ultimate thermometer guy.

Speaker 1 He weaponizes thermometers.

Speaker 1 When it's really cold outside, he'll install fake thermometers that say it's like five degrees and put them inside the locker room or inside the tunnels leading out.

Speaker 1 So, I mean, if I'm the Texans or if I'm the Ravens and I'm walking out on that field, I'm Teddy Bridgewater, right? Yep.

Speaker 1 Well, I guess that would be in the NFC, but if I'm like, if I'm Lamar Jackson or if I'm Deshaun Watson and I'm seeing negative four degrees, negative three degrees, I'm shitting myself before that game.

Speaker 1 I'm getting a little scared. Bad weather games.

Speaker 1 Should we do, should we finish up with some FAQs before we we get to Hassan Minaj? Let's do it, yes. Oh, wait, I also, shit, I should have said I have.
We want to give our picks for those?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, I forgot. You want to do picks real quick? Why don't you just rattle them off then? Over, Kansas City, Oakland, 51.5.
Send me in for the same. Shit.
Under.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go Tampa Bay at Jacksonville, 48.5.

Speaker 1 Fuck, same.

Speaker 1 Big dick versus Big Balls. Total package.
I've got my favorite Ravens minus six. Oh.
Reverse. Same.

Speaker 1 My underdog is the 49ers.

Speaker 1 Same. Same.
Same. My underdog is Houston plus three.
Wow, and my favorite's the Patriots. There you go.
Okay.

Speaker 1 By the way, I have a can't lose parlay. It won last week.
A lot of people are haters. Jets, Packers, Chiefs.

Speaker 1 Jets lose. Who are the Jets playing? You think the Chiefs lose? Jets are playing the Bengals.
Jets. But Andy Dalton's back.
That's fine. Jets, Packers, Chiefs.

Speaker 1 Andy Dalton wasn't making out with any babes this weekend. Jets, Packers, Chiefs.
How does that lose?

Speaker 1 The Bengals.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because you know what? The Bengals have a game in hand on the number one overall draft pick, Jets. They can afford to win one.

Speaker 1 They can afford to take their foot off the gas of tanking. Listen, you're talking to a guy who's 1-0 and his last one can't lose parlay.
That's true. So I cannot lose.
On a roll.

Speaker 1 All right, Hank, let's do some FAQs. Then we're going to do Hassan Minaj on the other side of them.

Speaker 1 Yes, this is a little I did. It's FAQ, Thanksgiving stories, guys on chicks, whatever.

Speaker 1 It's a mishmash. Sup, boys.
This year, my birthday lands on Blackout Wednesday. I'm planning on living up the holiday, but I'm sure my friends are going to try and kill me on alcohol on top of that.

Speaker 1 I'm already planning to be Aaron Guy on Thursday, but what other things can I do to seem half alive at Thanksgiving dinner and avoid a three-day hangover? Blackout Wednesday.

Speaker 1 I'm assuming that's today.

Speaker 1 Yes. Today.
As Bubba said on the other day, or two days ago. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, if you have to work on Friday. Blackout.
Yeah, let's ask Bubba for how to avoid Blackout Wednesday. I haven't blacked out in a while.
I think he would be the exact wrong person to ask.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I was just going to say, don't ask me. Do you remember the last time you blacked out? Well, no question.

Speaker 1 I would say

Speaker 1 delete the Twitter app from your phone so that you don't tweet anything out from the wrong account. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Actually, just don't take your phone out with you.

Speaker 1 Actually, that might be a really bad idea.

Speaker 1 Take your phone. Yeah, take your phone.
No, don't take your phone.

Speaker 1 Leave your phone next to your on your mom's nightstand on loud and put in your pocket pocket a if i'm blacked out please call this number and then have your mom come save you or just write it on your forehead before you go out what about um they say beer before liquor you'll never be sicker liquor before wine before

Speaker 1 heroin whoa

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 your family will be burying okay that

Speaker 1 was dark hey pmt i absolutely love my boyfriend but i'm texting in because i hope this will be a wake-up call for him i have been steadily seeing the same guy for over a year now and he's great.

Speaker 1 We're both home bodies so most of the time we're together we're watching movies. This was really fun until we were a few months in and I had never been allowed to pick a movie.

Speaker 1 Over a year later and I have picked one movie to watch the entire time. The worst part is he will only watch a movie if it has Adam Sandler in it and everything else is basically off limits.
Whoa.

Speaker 1 Please help me. Thanks guys.
Why is that all that? Yeah. He likes to keep things light.
I like this guy. He's just picking all the Adam Sandler movies over and over.

Speaker 1 How many times he watched Big Daddy? Infinity.

Speaker 1 How do you fix this? Hmm. Kick him off the tour, Doug.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to think what you can do to maybe make your... Hmm.

Speaker 1 You need to pick one movie that you know is going to guarantee that he will like it and then constantly remind him how you picked a winner. Or make him watch Jack and Jill.

Speaker 1 And that will just get him off of Adam Sandler movies forever. Why was that one bad?

Speaker 1 I mean, yeah. I didn't see that one.
Why it had Adam Sandler in it?

Speaker 1 It's honestly, I enjoy watching it because it's like one of my favorite so bad it's good movies, but it's

Speaker 1 I think you got to wean them off. So you got to find an actor that's similar to Adam Sandler, but not Adam Sandler, and then just start him on those.
The Wilson Brothers.

Speaker 1 The Wilson Brothers or Kevin James. Start them on Hitch.
Start them on Hitch, and Will Smith.

Speaker 1 Hitch is a good movie.

Speaker 1 And then from Hitch, you can parlay that into

Speaker 1 any number of Will Smith movies, Pursuit of Happiness, Men in Black, Men in Black, and then you can watch all of of Will Smith's son's movies, which are really good. Does he make movies now?

Speaker 1 They made that one together. He's a musical artist.

Speaker 1 They did two together. The Twitter where he's like, he's.

Speaker 1 I love his Twitter because he's like 14 and he's fake deep. And you're like, dude, you're 14.
Well, he's like 19 now. Whatever.
He was 14. At some point, he was 14.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Sup, boys, I was having sex with a guy who I know has had a lot of sex. Nice.
But he only lasted about two minutes. How is that?

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, wait. Only?

Speaker 1 you got lucky. Two minutes.
Yeah, so where'd you find this dick slang and king? Stallion.

Speaker 1 That'd be real. Yeah, you know, that's the answer.
Wait, we have a stallion. What was the question?

Speaker 1 Is like now I'm really sore, and I don't know if I have enough energy to go again tomorrow because the sex was so good.

Speaker 1 My hex for two minutes, and this guy made me orgasm 17 times. It was incredible.
Girls don't come. Damn.
Sup, thick cat, not so vertically challenged PFT and producer of the year, Hank. Whoa.

Speaker 1 My ex-girlfriend wants to hook up next week because

Speaker 1 both of our birthdays fall on that week and she wants to hang out. She just called things off with her fiancé like two weeks ago after seeing me at a wedding.

Speaker 1 We dated back in high school and I'm out of college now. I know I'll see her at the bar Wednesday night and I don't know what to do.
Oh yeah, she's got a kid.

Speaker 1 Do I go through with it even though she's got a kid? Does she want to get back together and have me raise some dude's baby?

Speaker 1 I'm leaning towards just saying fuck it and doing it, but I guess give me your take. Thanks.
Well, first of all, we don't kid shame. No.
That's mean.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's got to factor in the equation now. No, we don't kid shame.
I mean, by having a kid, that is kind of selfish. You wouldn't fuck me anymore.

Speaker 1 I would think about it.

Speaker 1 Because I have a kid.

Speaker 1 It would be on a pros. It would definitely be on a pros and cons list.
If Big Cat was trying to take me home, I would

Speaker 1 honestly think, like, I don't want to have to walk out of his bedroom holding my shoes in my my hand tomorrow morning and have his kid in the living room, and then I'll have to make small talk.

Speaker 1 Terrible. Yep.
Yep.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 I think this guy already knows the answer to this question because he's going to get way too drunk on Wednesday and just have sex with her. Yeah, he's going to do it anyways.
He's also...

Speaker 1 kind of convincing himself that it's a good thing to do. You know how he threw in like it's both our birthdays? So that's why we're going to hang out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so we both have the same birthday, so I guess I got to fuck her. Naturally, I always see my ex-girlfriends on our birthday week.

Speaker 1 And then he was also saying that, like, she saw him at a wedding, and that's why she broke up with her fiancé.

Speaker 1 So it would almost be a disservice to her if he didn't hook up with her because she threw away her life.

Speaker 1 Dude, you're just a rebound. Yeah, she broke up with her fiancé.
She's not getting married. She just wants to fuck somebody.
So do it. So just do the honorable thing.
Wrap it up. What's up, guys?

Speaker 1 Especially Aaron Catt. Does pumpkin pie make the Mount Rushmore of pie? Yes.
No. No.
Yeah. Definitely not.
I like a good pumpkin pie. No, but that's not what he asked.
Yeah, I like Mount Rushmore. No.

Speaker 1 All right, no. Four pies.
Definitely not. Pumpkin pie, sweet potato pie.
I like cheesecake, which is a pie. And I like chocolate pie.
So you just left off apple pie? Oh, apple pie pie pie pie pie.

Speaker 1 Pizza pie. Apples.
Oh, blueberry is good, too. Blueberry pie.

Speaker 1 Strawberry rhubarb pie.

Speaker 1 Peach pie.

Speaker 1 Peach papaya. I'm going to subscribe.
Pumpkin pie does not make. It's fine for Thanksgiving.
It is in no way on on the Mount Rushmore. We've become who we hated.
I know, but the Hank knew that.

Speaker 1 He's been doing this. He's been subversive to us for the last couple days.
Okay, pumpkin pie. I'm going to take off sweet potato because it's too similar

Speaker 1 to pumpkin. I don't even know what's going to be potentially potential.
They're reverse fall pies. Pumpkin, cheesecake, chocolate, apple.
Boom. All right.
We'll end with this ice cream.

Speaker 1 Chocolate pie isn't that just cake? No, it's chocolate. It's like more of a pie.
I mean, I'm down for it. It's flour.

Speaker 1 No, it's fluoro. Okay.
There's no piece. That's like calling itlla pizza.
The answer.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the answer is ice cream cake.

Speaker 1 All right, this is a genius idea that I think we need to contact these people and get involved with it. Sup, Big Cat.
We Man PFT and hey. Oh.

Speaker 1 My lab partner and I... That makes me Preston.
We're thinking of a business that's on the edge of being inappropriate but not illegal. We came up with a restaurant solely based off the human body.

Speaker 1 Everything is named or based off the body. I call it the cadaver cafe.

Speaker 1 Meat could be served off a skeleton, rolled to your table, and have chicken, fingers, ribs, and soup in a skullhead. I think this person just finally discovered

Speaker 1 that when they eat food and meat, that it actually comes from something's body. And their mind is just blown by that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this isn't a good idea. So, yeah, unless you're trying to market to cannibals.
And I don't think cannibals are big spenders, really. They just like to source their products free range for free.

Speaker 1 I actually, there's one more on the

Speaker 1 you thought that was a good idea. Yeah, Cadaver Cafe.
Cadaver Cafe. What would you get there, Hank? Ribs.
Ribs. Ribs.
That's bullfork. Ribs.
I would like. Soup out of a skull sounds pretty sweet.

Speaker 1 Rotistic. That definitely happens at Nick Cage's house.
Brain stew.

Speaker 1 Hey, boys, especially Hank Winkyface. I'm going to Thanksgiving on my boyfriend's side of the family, and we're going to a very rural town.
His uncle.

Speaker 1 A what? Rural.

Speaker 1 I'm okay with that. I've had trouble.
Rural. Rivalry week.
Rural. Hey, you just just sounded like you were purring.
Like you were a cat. Peanut butter in my mouth.
Yeah, please. Cat.
Rural.

Speaker 1 His uncle, who hosts, has a man cave with over 20 mounted animals on the walls. He even has stuffed zebra heads hanging up.

Speaker 1 I'm too scared to even look at them, but my boyfriend insists I should act like it's normal in order to fit in and impress his family. What do I do?

Speaker 1 Bring 40 pizzas and have them eat him in 30 days. I think it's Papa John's house.

Speaker 1 You do that, or you could find the local bat that lays white guano and then recover it and then bring it back to the village and then you're a hero.

Speaker 1 Because it sounds like you were just stuck in that room for Mace Mature 2. Yeah, this sucks because I would say an entire room of animal heads probably would be creepy.
So

Speaker 1 it's a literal man cave. Yeah, it is.
I guess it is. So yeah, I guess act natural.
I guess your boyfriend's giving you the best advice. Just, you know,

Speaker 1 be

Speaker 1 act natural in someone else's home. I don't know.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Be yourself.
Be yourself. Bring your own carcass.
Well, no, being herself means she'll probably like throw

Speaker 1 Peta fake blood all over it.

Speaker 1 Don't be yourself. It would be rude to show up and be happy.

Speaker 1 So on your way there, try to run over a deer and then bring that inside. Be like, there you go.
There it is. Like a cat making an offering.
Here we find it.

Speaker 1 All right, let's do our interview with Hassan Minaj. And everyone have a healthy, happy, safe Thanksgiving.
And we will see everyone on Sunday nights. Love you guys.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. It is comedian Hassan Minhaj.
He's got the Patriot Act on Netflix. You got to watch it.
He is an alumni, alumnus from the Daily Show.

Speaker 1 He did the White House correspondence dinner. He had a one-man show called Homecoming King.
If you don't know who he is, you're going to know who he is, and you got to watch Patriot Act.

Speaker 1 So new season's coming out. Yeah, this Sunday, man, November 10th.
Okay.

Speaker 1 First of all, good to see you. We actually have shared dinner before, so we should get that out of the way so people know.
Oh, our personal relationship? Yeah,

Speaker 1 PFT and I were at a dinner, and you were there as well. I don't think we even spoke,

Speaker 1 but you could feel us, right? I could feel your guys' energy, for sure.

Speaker 1 I think I spoke to you a couple of times.

Speaker 1 We're like, hey, what's up? Did you look out of place? It was a giant table. That's what I remember.
Yeah, it was a huge table.

Speaker 1 I think everybody looked out of place. It was an interesting combination.
Because we're friends with Tommy, and he invites us to these people. The Tommy.
The Tommy.

Speaker 1 And it's always a little awkward for us because

Speaker 1 we just always feel out of place when we go to these very accomplished people. And then they go around and they're like, what do you do?

Speaker 1 And everyone's like, oh, I play in the NBA or I have a Netflix special. We're like, we have a podcast.
And everyone has a podcast. Well, that's what was funny.

Speaker 1 It was big podcast talking in the room, though. At that dinner, it just so happened that out of the 20 people or so that were there, I think 19 of them had a podcast that were based in Brooklyn.

Speaker 1 The way we stood out was our podcast is based in Manhattan. So it's like

Speaker 1 we're big leagues.

Speaker 1 But yeah, it's good to have you here. Thanks.
I've watched your show. I followed what you did on the Daily Show ever since you came up with Jon Stewart there.
I appreciate that.

Speaker 1 That must have been like a dream gig, huh? Yeah, man. He's the goat.

Speaker 1 He's Mount Rushmore. You know what I mean? He's definitely...

Speaker 1 Nice pander. Yeah, I think everybody.
That's not a pander.

Speaker 1 Let's have the full analysis.

Speaker 1 That was good pandering.

Speaker 1 I would say Stewart and Colbert. Yeah, you were pandering to our audience, so you didn't even realize what you did.
We do the Mount Rushmore segment all summer long. Oh, I didn't know that.

Speaker 1 I was like, I'm pandering to Stewart. I'm like,

Speaker 1 people will come in and it's clear that they're going to be. Yeah, I think Michael Jordan's one of the greatest of all time.
Get pander.

Speaker 1 I would agree with you. I think it's Stewart.
It's John Oliver, Trevor Noah, and Craig Kilborne. John Rushmore

Speaker 1 hosts.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay, okay.

Speaker 1 I think the two that everybody,

Speaker 1 you bear their fingerprints is either Colbert or Stewart.

Speaker 1 To me. To me.
So you went through the transition, too. I was there the transition.
Yeah, so how was that?

Speaker 1 Was it rocky to go from, I would imagine having a presence like that in Jon Stewart and then being like, all right, well, he's gone. Dude, I just gotten, I just proposed to my wife.

Speaker 1 We're about to get married. And he announces that he's leaving.
I'm like, dude, you cannot do this to me, man. You cannot do this to me.
I told him this.

Speaker 1 I was like, I feel like I'm playing for the 98 Bulls. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The party's over. Yeah, yeah.
I'm like, come on, dude. Stick around.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I remember like at one of his meetings when he announced this in front of like all the writers, he was like, so I'm going to be leaving and blah, blah, blah. And I go, hey, man,

Speaker 1 you're gonna come back though like mj with the wizards and he looked at me and he was just like no no i'm done

Speaker 1 and everybody in the room everybody in the room was like mj and the wizards yeah you know what i mean this is like this is like a political comedy writing room right right yeah he shows up on uh on fox news like four years later just doing a show there um he so when he leaves were you trying to did you have any designs on maybe taking that job as being the guy on the daily show they were you know they were offering it to big heavy hitters, right?

Speaker 1 Like Chris Rock was in the mix, Amy Schumer. I was like, I just got to keep my job, man.
Like, it was one of the first times in my life I had health insurance. You guys have health insurance?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think so. Now you guys have sparked it.
We got health insurance? We were talking about it last week. We're 90% sure we have health insurance.

Speaker 1 We've been for a long time, but I think ever since we moved to New York and cleaned this thing up, we've all have health insurance.

Speaker 1 Healthcare is important, man. It's like walk it off.
That's my health care. Walk it off? Yeah, yeah.
To me, it was that for a long time. Prayer and walk it off.
Yes. Yeah.
So you had health insurance.

Speaker 1 And so I was like, I got to keep this. And just to be able to consistently pay rent.
So as that transitioned, I'm super grateful. Like, Trevor took over the show.

Speaker 1 And anytime you have, like, you know, a new host of a thing, you would imagine they're going to clean house. So I was like, oh, I'm gone.
But Trev was so great.

Speaker 1 He kept me, Clepper, you know, Jessica Williams. And that was.
I tell him this all the time. I was like, that was critical for me financially.
Yeah, that is the sport.

Speaker 1 The sports analogy there is when a new GM comes in. I'm like, oh, I didn't draft this guy.
Yeah. Like, I don't care.
I have no loyalty to him. Yeah.
So you, you survived that and obviously flourished.

Speaker 1 What, um, I, I was reading an article about you, and it said that you like to do comedy with a message. Can you explain that? Oh, dude, I don't know.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, but here's, here's my, well, here's, here was the follow-up because

Speaker 1 I want to know what you really mean by that because I think we do comedy with a message. Like, you talk about important issues.
Have you discussed Mike Francesa farting on radio? No, I have not.

Speaker 1 So you don't do the important issues. Yeah, so I don't push it.
That's what I'm saying. When it comes to true, biting stuff that's speaking truth to power, it's you guys.
Right. Okay.
So you, yeah.

Speaker 1 So you're kind of a fraud. I am.
Yeah. All right.
That was really the question. Yeah.
Are you a fraud? That's why I'm here, dude. I'm here to acknowledge greatness.

Speaker 1 No, but seriously, do you, you, like, the comedy, I think there's a weird, we're in a weird spot in the world right now where when you say like, oh, I just want to make people laugh or

Speaker 1 try to make people laugh, people are like, well, all these issues aren't very funny. Dude, you know what it is? And it's, it's sports is such a great analogy for it.

Speaker 1 You just got to make people feel something, man. That's really what it is.
And like the people that we watched growing up that meant a lot to us made you feel a thing.

Speaker 1 It was more than just, oh, they have so many receptions or

Speaker 1 they dunk a certain way. They made you feel...

Speaker 1 And the people that I admired the most, they would be able to play in silence really well. Chappelle, Carlin, Pryor, Rock.
Those guys like live in silence.

Speaker 1 And like the stuff that you talk about after you would go see one of their shows on the drive home, there's a lot of the

Speaker 1 those pockets of silence. Right.

Speaker 1 So, which I mean, when you say live in silence, it's like they're doing a stand-up routine, and there are some times where it's not necessarily like there's no punchline.

Speaker 1 You crush, you come out of an applause break, then you like, you pivot into sort of this monologue where, all right, you're kind of, do you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 It's like a joke, and then you're like, but seriously,

Speaker 1 and then you say the serious part. The best comics to me are

Speaker 1 you're you're joking not joking

Speaker 1 Which gives you the ultimate power as court jester Yeah, dude, I'm joking Not joking though, but I'm joking, but I'm making you laugh about it. Yeah, I agree with that.

Speaker 1 I think that if you can make somebody laugh while delivering a message the message is 10 times more likely to get through than if you just lecture somebody about it But the best ones are like there's no message dude.

Speaker 1 There's no message at all. Yeah.
Is that I tricked you into thinking there's no message dude. Come on.
I'm not virtue signaling. Fuck the message.
The message is coming from inside your brain.

Speaker 1 Dude, Supreme's awesome. Yeah.

Speaker 1 the the best i love supreme and i love carlisle group what's wrong with that it's great yeah bro fuck the message fucking supreme and carlisle group is the shit see yeah i think you're actually you're smart you know what i need to do that's like that's the right yeah it's almost so i think the best message is when you accidentally make a message but you didn't even realize it yeah so then people are like why do you think that and you're like i don't even know can i tell you what lebron should have done with this whole like hong kong situation he should have worn a hoodie that says that just says i am just an athlete and then it has the flag of china on the back

Speaker 1 And be like, dude,

Speaker 1 I'm just an athlete. Yeah, he should have been like, I'm going to shut up and dribble.

Speaker 1 And reverse it on everything. Yeah.
That's what he should have done. That would have been the reverse.
He should have the worst possible outcome.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It just said, like, you won.
I'm not going to say anything anymore. Or you know what he could have said? He'd be like, you really want me to be up on.
like international politics?

Speaker 1 There's too much to keep up on.

Speaker 1 Well, that was my our take on it was that LeBron, in a weird way, actually helped like the America's education on what's going on there because I didn't really read about it until LeBron fucked up and I was like, ooh, I got to hammer LeBron.

Speaker 1 I better read up.

Speaker 1 I got to read up on these 60 days of protests.

Speaker 1 What are they protesting? Yeah, right. Like I get my case for how LeBron is a scumbag has to be airtight.
So then I read way more than I ever would have thought. Totally.

Speaker 1 Because I think everybody who was just looking at the front page of the newspaper was just like, look, there's just a bunch of hype beasts in Hong Kong.

Speaker 1 Right, right, right. Honestly, when you looked at the photos of the protesters, I was like, oh, hypebeast? Oh, this is the protesters brought to you by hypebeast.com.
Right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they look great over there.

Speaker 1 The fits were incredible. It would have been great.

Speaker 1 Has nobody brought up how good the fashion was for the Hong Kong protesters? You have to look good when you're protesting

Speaker 1 democracy. Dude,

Speaker 1 the text.

Speaker 1 I don't know who fit them. John Elliott? Who was on it?

Speaker 1 It's a great way to get more recognition in the United States. Well, you'll see people over here being like, yeah, if you can look that awesome while protesting, that's something I want to start.

Speaker 1 It's like when the hot felon goes viral. They're like, ooh, this hot felon.
Like, look at his mug shot. He's so hot.

Speaker 1 Like, yeah, but he's a felon right like yeah but he's but look at those eyes yeah right he's so dreamy yeah yeah i i think that if lebron had come out and said if he had been way too educated about china that would have been a good move too to like start lecturing us about the price of steel tariffs and things like that and what it's doing to rural communities that would have been wild

Speaker 1 province yeah

Speaker 1 if he dropped like a full-on monologue yes yes we're all on we're all on house of highlights we're like huh yeah it's so the monologue is so long it has to be on an ig tv video you're like he goes for four and a half minutes you get have to hit click for the moment.

Speaker 1 Keep watching. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Keep watching just to get to the steel tariff.

Speaker 1 At least he didn't advocate for capturing the Dalai Lama. He drew the line.
He didn't say anything about Tibet. That used to be a big thing.
They had

Speaker 1 the three T's, right? Tibet, Tinamin,

Speaker 1 and what's the third?

Speaker 1 I forget the third. Taiwan.
Taiwan. There you go.
Yeah. Yeah.
The three T's.

Speaker 1 People will stop talking about Tibet recently. They used to have concerts.
Yeah. There used to be like a big free Tibet movement.
Totally. What happened to Coney 2012? You guys know? We found him.
No.

Speaker 1 You guys found him? We found him. He's a fraud.
Okay, yeah.

Speaker 1 That was a great one. The dude that set up that entire video, he lost his mind, right? Yeah.
He got arrested for him. Oh, he got him.
He got him off in public. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, either that or Coney got to him and gave him some scripts. Are we all the same age? I'm 34.
Yes, we are. 34, 1985.

Speaker 1 So what do you feel about our generation or this generation of players and all the social media activity?

Speaker 1 First, let me jump in and say that Big Cat's a boomer. So Big Cat's older.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're the greatest generation.

Speaker 1 He's a day older than I am. So he's a boomeranger.

Speaker 1 Are you birthday week? When were you born? September 23rd, 1985. Okay, so we're way older than that.
Yeah, I'm January 30th. He's January 31st.
1985, though, right? Yes. Were you in our grade?

Speaker 1 Were you young for your age? I was

Speaker 1 younger. I was graduated college.
I graduated high school, class of 03. Okay, so

Speaker 1 college, I can't tell. I stayed for a fifth year.

Speaker 1 You did? I had to. What do you mean you had to? Dude, I didn't finish.

Speaker 1 That's actually a good cut it as pain. Yeah, no, that's solid.
That's solid. But sorry, your question is: social media in the NBA? Correct.

Speaker 1 I think the people are. I think that the athletes.

Speaker 1 I'm talking about Kevin Durant responding to tweets. I'm talking about Devin Booker, no double, no double, no double during pickup games, this sort of stuff.
I think we're in a very weird age or time.

Speaker 1 And we actually are the last

Speaker 1 generation. Like, I would say

Speaker 1 if you're 30 to 34, 35, you're like the last group of people that knew, remember what it was like to grow up without cell phones. Yes.
And now

Speaker 1 everything is watched everything is taped and it's fucks with your head pretty bad i think i think we're in a weird unchartered territory where when you have to like look over your shoulder and be like oh that person i'm walking down the street he's taking a picture of me he's taking a video of me right these people hate me these people are going on their burner and yelling at me it fucks with everyone's head so i i i feel bad for them so you're grading them on a curve a little bit yes definitely i oh i mean if michael jordan was if michael jordan or maddick johnson was on social media in the social media age could you imagine the shit that would come out?

Speaker 1 That's true. I think that Kevin Durant is probably using social media in the healthiest way possible for him.
Well, having the burner, you mean?

Speaker 1 Yeah, because he's getting all his thoughts out there, at least.

Speaker 1 He's not pretending that he's not reading all the shit.

Speaker 1 Because every other guy that says that they don't pay attention, they don't read, they don't see the haters, they don't name search, they're all fucking lying. Everybody does.
You know what?

Speaker 1 Everyone does. You know what Kevin Durant should say? He should be like, look, man, I'm just like Mitt Romney, all right? Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
All right. We all got to have a burner.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 What was Mitt's burner name? It was Pierre Delecto. Oh, that's a good one.
it's a great, that's a great burner name. As far as burner names go, that's got to be

Speaker 1 the top three.

Speaker 1 I do think, though, there's this like weird, we're going to look back, maybe not, because we probably aren't going to get smarter, but we're probably, if everything worked out, we'd look back like in 10 years and be like, wow, remember when we didn't really know how to use social media or our cell phones, and everyone just kind of went all in and we're like, ooh, that was.

Speaker 1 My Black Mirror take is there's going to be the new luxury experience is going to be, oh, you go to this camp and there's no phones. Yeah.
And there's no phone. It's called the Masters.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they take away your phone. That's literally, everyone's like, oh, the Masters are so great.
You don't look at your phone because they take it away. It's like, okay.

Speaker 1 That's why you pay all that money?

Speaker 1 Yeah, they transport you back in time to like 1980 because it's $2 for a cheese. And they don't let minorities in.
$2.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's the good old days. It's only old white guys.

Speaker 1 Dude, it's the good old days.

Speaker 1 Occasionally, Condoleezza Rice walks across the fairway and people freak out. And they're like, what the hell is going on?

Speaker 1 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 If Condoleezza Rice went across the fairway and just took a knee what would happen to the masters if she took a knee during the national anthem in the middle do they play the the national anthem

Speaker 1 i don't think so does the masters hate america no i don't think so yeah why does the masters hate america comment below why do the masters hate america so you think it's going to be there will be like uh it's going to be like new cocello that's going to be the new cell phones yeah yeah yeah

Speaker 1 i'm okay with that that sounds really nice to me yeah and and the thing is if you if you reach a certain level in life where other people recognize you and and other people are talking about you online yeah you start to want to get away from all that by whatever means ness means necessary right but then to get to that place in life where you have people talking about you all the time a lot of times you need to use social media to get there whether it's so whether it's marketing or whatever yeah so it's like a catch-22 you need it to get there and then once you get there you're like fuck this yeah yeah i don't want to be glued in all the time i don't want to be uh you know listening to what everyone says i think kevin durant at least he admits that he pays attention to that right and now he started to respond from his own twitter accounts and from his own instagram accounts.

Speaker 1 That's like his full-time job. Do you want to quote T people now?

Speaker 1 He's more of a reply guy. Kevin Durance for reply.
He's a reply. So he'll just hit you with the at.
He's not going to give you the full timeline, love, with the quote to you. He won't.

Speaker 1 No, that's too much. Won't answer text messages either.
Won't answer text messages from Hank to come on the show. Yeah.
Or do you have to?

Speaker 1 You guys have his personal number? Yeah. Yeah, I got it last week.
I texted him and he hasn't answered. We're talking about a 917? What are we talking about? What Erica we were talking about?

Speaker 1 I don't know. What is it? I'm not going to repeat it.
Still 512. You can't reveal that.
Yeah. No, I don't think he's ever coming on.

Speaker 1 I think it's healthy to at least respond to it in some way, shape, or form rather than just stew about it and get mad all the time and have that anxiety in the back of your head. Like, I'm out there.

Speaker 1 I had a bad game tonight. People are talking shit.
Let's see what they're saying. Oh, shit.
I really fucked up.

Speaker 1 Well, it's also one of those weird things where you'll hear people always be like, I don't listen to the haters. I don't read the haters.

Speaker 1 No one in the history of the world has just not listened to the haters. Have you guys gotten to that level now where athletes and stuff are coming after you guys?

Speaker 1 I mean, it's Count Taylor Luan is an athlete, I guess. Yeah, once or twice.
Whoa. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Remember that back in the day when we were growing up, Peter Vese used to be like, according to my sources, Kevin Garnett's going to the Bulls, and people would get mad at Peter Vesey. Yes.

Speaker 1 Who the fuck are your sources, Peter Vese? Right, right. But are you guys the new according to my sources, guys? No, we were always.

Speaker 1 My dog breaks news. So that's a nice way to kind of deflect it so they can't get mad at us.
All right. It's like, dude, you're getting mad at a dog.
Can I pitch you guys just lines?

Speaker 1 Can I pitch you some hard-hitting journalism? This is free 99. You don't got to pay me any like that.
Can you guys have Shams Chirani on the the show and go, how the fuck do you get all these leaks?

Speaker 1 Would love to have him or Woge. Him and Woge.
Or just would get that fucking kid in LA who got everything wrong and then the internet just roasted him. Oh, dude,

Speaker 1 that kid in L.A. was the Nate Silver of sports.
Oh,

Speaker 1 he had one good. He dropped the ball.

Speaker 1 I was so pumped. I did the follow and

Speaker 1 message him when

Speaker 1 the notification's on for his next tweet after he was wrong. I was like, I got to fucking wait.
I cannot wait till he tweets again.

Speaker 1 And then he dropped the, there was a material change to my information. Which is so great.
So it's the best excuse. What does that even mean? It's a material change.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like he was, he, he, what Heath was reporting was right, and then he completely figured out what material change. It changed.

Speaker 1 That's all you gotta say. It just means that you're wrong.
It basically is just you were wrong,

Speaker 1 but you can say at some point you were right. That's great.
I'm gonna use that. Yeah, you should have some material change.
Why were you late? There was just a material change. Yeah, Andy.

Speaker 1 I use it when the circumstances by which I was being transported. Why is our army in Iraq right now? Well, if there was a material change, we lose a campaign.
I was speculated on it.

Speaker 1 Like, hey, the pick was right. There was a material change.
We played the game, and I was wrong.

Speaker 1 If Hillary had just said that when she was getting grilled about her voting record on the war, just like there was a material change after I said, yeah, send troops over. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think she'd probably be president right now.

Speaker 1 You said that you're an ice cream addict, and I want to question you on that because I don't think you are. Why is that? How much ice cream do you eat? How much ice cream do I eat?

Speaker 1 Yeah, how much ice cream? When I eat, I go hard. No, how much ice cream do you eat?

Speaker 1 I would say probably maybe once a week.

Speaker 1 That's not that's not an addict. That's not no colour.
Well, it's an addict. Give me an addict.

Speaker 1 When you open a pint, do you finish it? No. There's no way.
No,

Speaker 1 I'm not close to an addict. I at least

Speaker 1 do two popsicles a day now. I've never popsicles a day.
Yeah, like nice creamy popsicles. In what circumstances are you? I'm not talking about fruit popsicles.

Speaker 1 I'm talking about cookies and cream ice cream. Whoa.
Popsicles a day.

Speaker 1 We'll cut that part out. I've got no.
No, no, no, no, no, don't cut it. Don't cut it.
Don't cut it. Keep it rough.
Fine, roast me. Roast me.
I'm not roasting you.

Speaker 1 I'm just saying, well, I actually kind of am roasting you. I'm like, you're...
There's no way you could be.

Speaker 1 You can't be 34 years old and have two popsicles a day. I do.

Speaker 1 How long has this been going on for? The last like three weeks. Why have you been lying?

Speaker 1 Why have you not talked about it? I've been hiding it. I've been roasted.
I've been lying. I've been hiding it.

Speaker 1 It's a difference. Wait, well, break this down for me.
Give me the time. Tell me.
Okay, so it's always... You come back from

Speaker 1 your kingdom of podcasting. Yeah, so I get home.
I typically get home anywhere between 9 p.m. and midnight.

Speaker 1 So I get home. I have a popsicle.
I sit down on the couch. Sit down on the couch.
What's playing with the podcast? What kind of popsicles are you talking about?

Speaker 1 So they're kind of low-cale, but they are ice cream. It's like 90 calories per popsicle.
It's cookies and cream. Sometimes there's a hot cocoa cream.
So it's like ice cream on a stick.

Speaker 1 It's not a full... Okay, when you say popsicle, we're thinking like the red flavor popsicle that makes your lips look like you're five.
That would be insane.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 I was imagining you have two firecrackers back to back. Remember, like the red, white, and cool.
The bomb pops. Yeah, yeah.
You finish one and you go, I'm an adult.

Speaker 1 I have disposable income, and you have a second one. It's not

Speaker 1 skinny cow, man. No, but that's, that's those, yeah.
Like it's ridiculous.

Speaker 1 It's popsicles that have like little fun facts on them, too. Right, right.
So it's like if I eat another one, I get to learn something.

Speaker 1 So it's, I'm basically studying, but I'm just sitting on my couch eating ice creams. Those are.
You know what's funny? It's like, you know how a company will do like product testing?

Speaker 1 And they'll be like, look, the average age of our consumer is right around eight years old. And then there'll be one dot.
Yeah. That's 35, and that's you.
And it's just like, there's some outliers.

Speaker 1 Wait, so, but you're not an ice cream addict. You're not even close.
I'm

Speaker 1 a fraud ice cream addict. Sure.
You open a pint and you don't finish it? You have a whole pint?

Speaker 1 Yes. You can't open open it.
It's actually not that much. I mean, it's not like I feel.
A pint is about, yeah, you're right. A pint is about, say, this big.
It's my average Ben and Jerry's is a pint.

Speaker 1 I won't finish it with, I won't finish it all in like one bowl, but I will eat half of it and then be like, oh, let me just have a little bit more.

Speaker 1 And then I'd be like, well, I might as well finish it. Got it.
So it's like a 30-minute process. I'll do about half.
You're not an ice cream addict. You just like ice cream.
I like it. Okay.

Speaker 1 So we need to emphasize check that. Fact-check that.
It's a hobby. It's a hobby.
Like, all I think about is ice cream. You have it every day?

Speaker 1 Well, I'm trying to lose weight, so no. But if I could, I would have it every single day.

Speaker 1 It's like, hey, do you want a beer? No, I'll have an ice cream. You would have ice cream over a beer.
100%.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. Okay.
I love ice cream. Where are we at with Cherry Garcia? I like Cherry Garcia.
Oh, come on. Dude, let's end this.
Well, that's because I'm also a Grateful Dead fan.

Speaker 1 So I like Cherry Garcia because of, like, you know, it's just kind of the whole thing. Got it.
Not my favorite. Veteran Jerry's, what's your flavor? Fish food.
Was that fish food? Fish food.

Speaker 1 It's chocolate. I don't know if you're like fresh food.
I'm like, fish food. It's chocolate.
It's got a marshmallow swirl. It's got these little fish.
It's good. That are chocolate fish filled.

Speaker 1 Caramel. Oh, yeah, good.
Peanut butter cups, good. Half-baked.
How is Americone Dream not made this rotation? I have done one at a time. Oh, that's the Colbert one? Yeah.
That's the Colbert.

Speaker 1 You're fucking kidding. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 You're a coaching tree. Yeah, you are a gold hooker.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you are. You're buying your fucking bosses with not your bosses.
I'm going to work for Colbert.

Speaker 1 I genuinely love a combination of vanilla, ice cream cone, chocolate, and caramel girls. And boots.

Speaker 1 And a little bit of boot if it can help me. So what?

Speaker 1 You're just trying to get on late-night talk shows. This is brought to you by Ben and Jerry's.
You like Ben and Jerry's American. You like Jimmy Fallon's goofy late-night ice cream, too?

Speaker 1 The one with the potato chips in it? Oh, it has potato chips in it? I think so. That's gross.
I think that was Jimmy Fallon. Yeah, Jimmy Fallon's a weird guy.

Speaker 1 Hey, remember the time you got stuffed in the celebrity game? Oh, dude, I got swatted, bro. Yeah, that sucks.
Not stuffed. Stuffed is about right, actually, because I look like a fourth grader.

Speaker 1 You weren't at the fourth grade. You go, ooh, he stuffed.
What were you thinking there? What was I thinking? Yeah. Yeah.
Who stuffed him? I'm a volume shooter. Oh, yeah.
Who did stuff you?

Speaker 1 Rookie of the Year for the WNBA, which was last year.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she stuffed me. She swat the shit out of me.
Yep, yep. So that sucked.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, I don't regret it. Did the ball go out of bounds or back in that face or what?

Speaker 1 It went out of bounds. Yeah, so that's a SWAT.
It was a SWAT. That's more of a kind of stuff.
Here's what I know. You can't get stuffed in that game.
Here's what I know. I'm not passing the ball.
No.

Speaker 1 Every time I touch the ball, I'm going and I'm going to shoot. Here's the thing I also know.
I haven't played in a long time. I have a full-time job.
So we're going to go a high-percentage shot.

Speaker 1 We're going to drive to the hoop. No.
Listen. And I drove to the hoop and I I got squatted by a professional athlete.

Speaker 1 No, you can't get stuffed.

Speaker 1 You can't fall. If you fall, you can't airball.
Those are like the three things you can't do in a celebrity game. So I've been stuffed.
Yeah. You airballed? I have airballed.
Yep.

Speaker 1 And I got crossed up by the Stranger Things. Yeah, see, I would just.
Wait, which kid? The kid with no teeth? No, no, not the kid with no teeth. 11?

Speaker 1 Not 11. No, no, no, no, no.
The girl that died.

Speaker 1 Barb crossed you up. No.
What's his name? Frank? No.

Speaker 1 Tony. The one black kid.
The little black kid. Pussy Bumpincero.
That's his name? No, I don't know who you're talking about. I just

Speaker 1 know who you're talking about. You know who I'm talking about.
Yeah, but he crossed you up. No, no rider?

Speaker 1 He did a double cross.

Speaker 1 It was like Iverson on Lucas. Lucas.

Speaker 1 There it is. So he did the first cross.

Speaker 1 I went for it.

Speaker 1 The crowd goes, ooh.

Speaker 1 He comes back for a second cross. I steal it.
They start booing me. Yeah, you stole from a place.
You don't steal it. No, no, man.
That's not fair. Anybody gets this worst.
It's like 15 years.

Speaker 1 It doesn't matter. No, no, no, no.
They're like, oh, he's 10. No, he's 14.

Speaker 1 No, but he's 10 in the show. In the show.
We're not. That's what it counts.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, it doesn't matter. No, no, no, no.
It doesn't matter. When Asia swatted me, she wasn't like, I'm swatting a civilian here who's a weekend warrior at best.

Speaker 1 You're older than you brought your weak shit to the rim. You're also 15 years older than that.
You know what that is? It wasn't my weak shit. I was trying really hard.

Speaker 1 Even if you had swatted Gary Coleman, God rest his soul, while he was still alive and 40 years old or whatever,

Speaker 1 that would still be a bad look.

Speaker 1 I'll be giving respect to the great one. Yeah, that is true.

Speaker 1 Wait, what was your stat line in that game? I think I actually did pretty decent. I scored like, I would say like eight, nine points.
Okay, that's not bad. And you got crossed up by a 10-year-old.

Speaker 1 The first year that I got crossed up by a 10-year-old and sold. You played twice? I played twice.
Dude, this is my dream. Don't play.

Speaker 1 You can take a lot of things away from me. This is my dream.
I'm going to play every year. You got crossed up the first first time, and then you went back the second time? I went back from one.

Speaker 1 Okay. I think I scored like 13 or 14 points that year.
Okay. But everyone remembers a cross-up.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Were you playing against Michael Carter?

Speaker 1 I had a critical score this year where I stole the ball. In a celebrity game.
In a celebrity game.

Speaker 1 Don't even fucking say that. These things are a good thing.
I had a game-winning basket. Yeah,

Speaker 1 but I think it tied the game up. Who won, Shaq's team or Chris Carter's?

Speaker 1 Neither. Kevin Harts.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're telling me if you got asked to play in the celebrity ML.

Speaker 1 I would play. You're not telling me you would play.
You would be in full underarm. No, no, no.
I would

Speaker 1 be full on going 100%. I would play, but I would make sure that there was no moments like that.
Like, if I played in the basketball game,

Speaker 1 I would rebound. I wouldn't shoot.
Zero defense.

Speaker 1 I would play defense, but I'd play off guys like 15 feet. Like, go ahead.
You can cross up all you want. I'm going to let you shoot.
I'm going to give you that. No, no, no.
Shoot or shoot.

Speaker 1 No, see, the move is to give them the shot. Rosenberg told me this.
Don't play defense. Yeah.
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Just stand flat footed. Let him dribble around you.
Right. But you don't get put on half.
No one remembers that you did the LeBron defense where he just stops.

Speaker 1 He hasn't played defense in two years, and people just don't mention that.

Speaker 1 He defends China. That's an interesting part about him.

Speaker 1 I read that you were one of the most hundred, the 100 most influential people in the world. You're on that list.

Speaker 1 So basically, everything that's wrong with the world is your fault? It's my fault. 100%.
I take full responsibility for doing this wrong. I'm talking about our reliance on fossil fuels.

Speaker 1 I'm talking about what's happening right now with the pollution in India. It's all my fault.
You're doing that. I take full responsibility for you.

Speaker 1 The right part of the joke that we were talking about, the silence. That was good.

Speaker 1 You just got that in there. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 How much you charge?

Speaker 1 You know what that was just now, right now? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You guys get this. You're athletes.

Speaker 1 What I did right there was just the first shimmy on the cross. The Hezzy Hey.
Yeah, the Hezzy. Yeah.
And then I hit you with the full, the second one. You're so good.

Speaker 1 And remember Kobe in early 90s? That first Adidas commercial that he did? Iverson, too, they would rock it all the way up here, and then they would do the full rock. That was the full rock.

Speaker 1 It's a carry. Yeah, it's Carrie.
I thought it was like the ball. It was a carry.
My dad used to get really mad.

Speaker 1 That was the OG traveling before Harden. Yes.

Speaker 1 So what do you charge for an Instagram ad if you're so influential? What do I charge for an Instagram ad? I haven't done any hashtag ads yet. Like the Kardashians get like a million dollars for an ad.

Speaker 1 Fit Tummy T hasn't reached out to me yet. Fuck.
Dude. The diarrhea tea that makes you really skinny? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, would you do a Fit Tummy T one? Depends on how much weight they make me lose.

Speaker 1 Beach body.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you should do that.

Speaker 1 I wanted to bring up when you went, you went in front of Congress, didn't you? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did you write down that joke to me? By the way, the way you're asking questions is great. I love it.
Well, I mean,

Speaker 1 did you speak to the government? Yeah, I think you did. Get him out of here.
I don't know. Hey, this is barstool sports.
You talk. Hey, listen, ever since.
You went to D.C., right?

Speaker 1 Ever since they brought in all like Mark McGuire and Sammy Sosa and Raphael Palmero, I've always been like, what? Does anyone just get to show up and ask questions?

Speaker 1 Dude, that's what it takes to move the needle. So that roast you had on Sean from Real World.
Oh, did you have that planned? In the back of your head, you're like, yo, Sean from Real World's on here.

Speaker 1 I think he's, what, a congressman from Wisconsin? Yeah, I was like, he's a member of Congress. He's a former MTV star.
I'm a former MTV star. Right.

Speaker 1 I was like, if he goes at me, we got to talk about this.

Speaker 1 And you could tell it bothered him. Oh, he was sitting there for like two hours and he's like, I'm going to go at this guy.
Yeah. And I was like, eight mile.
I was like, I know something about you.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What did he say to you? He was saying something about, I was watching the clip earlier.
He was basically saying, like, if you're a dumb kid, you go to a bad school.

Speaker 1 And if you're a smart kid, you go to a good school. And I was like,

Speaker 1 Wait, your announcement, you just pay away to yourself. It was a great roast yeah and then he's like sean you and i both have been on mtv like we got those mtv checks i go you get it

Speaker 1 and it was the star of mtv's disaster date season season five yeah

Speaker 1 you're the star of real world you know what those mtv checks are like he was just like i'm gonna take back my dime yeah he was pissed because he was like you know he's got the suit on he's like i'm a real congressman i'm like dude

Speaker 1 come on why are we taking ourselves so seriously

Speaker 1 is he the vaping congressman no i love that guy that guy's my spirit animal. That was awesome, though.
Oh, thanks, man. Yeah, that was all.

Speaker 1 I was wondering if you actually, so you did kind of, you were like, I know this guy's going to be there if he comes at me. It's on.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 He's an idiot. He should have done his research.
Zapo research. Yeah, when you go on Wikipedia, when I read that, I was like, I cannot believe this.
It was wild. Yeah.
He's got some balls. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So the picture of you in your Vanity Fair article. Yes.
With all the lions around? Two of the lions, yeah. Yeah, was that real? It's not real.
People keep asking me that. Are you kidding me?

Speaker 1 It looks real. Dude, I'm a coward.

Speaker 1 No, there's no way I could be around that many lions then they had like a video of the lion walking up to you and you looking at the lion so i thought it was real no the mark seller who's the the the the photographer who shot that he uh he apparently knows where there's lions so he went to la and shot them and then like

Speaker 1 put it together so he knows where lions exist yeah i don't know how it all went down he knows where they were he was like i'm gonna shoot them separately i'll shoot you in this room just do what i'm telling you pretend like a lion is walking towards you now sit down and i'm like all all right, man, I trust you, Mark.

Speaker 1 Why did you insist on having lions in the room with you?

Speaker 1 He was like, he was like, I like the way

Speaker 1 you sort of

Speaker 1 go at these big world leaders. Like,

Speaker 1 it's like you're in the lion's den.

Speaker 1 So he goes, we're going to make a den, and there's going to be lions in it. And I'm like, what? But it's all going to be camera tricks.
Yeah, but I got there. There were no lions.

Speaker 1 But there was a den, and we just shot it. Has there ever been a time? By the way, he's the one he shot King James, too.

Speaker 1 LeBron? Which one? Like, the

Speaker 1 original one. The OG one.
Yeah, like when he's in high school. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Got it. Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, LeBron, what does this tattoo say? Lions don't concern themselves with the one.

Speaker 1 No chosen one. He has that one?

Speaker 1 Probably. No, I invented that stuff.
I've seen the chosen. You invented that one? The chosen one.
I saw it from Kyrie. Got it.

Speaker 1 Has there ever been a time you've gone after someone, a world leader, or someone in, you know, great power, and they've, you could tell they came back at you, like maybe, you know, followed you or did something to fuck with you followed no seriously man you know we got a lot of there's been several moments on the show that i've gotten death threats and you know it's been uh that that's a mind fuck yeah yeah that's a mind bird wand keeps following you and unfollowing you yeah and you're just like come on dude don't liking all your tweets yeah just letting you know is there people get nervous about that yeah man i mean look i you know i'm married i have a wife i i got a daughter it's weird it's just a weird thing where it's not just about you anymore you got to start thinking about other people and it's not necessarily even some of the people that you're criticizing.

Speaker 1 The thing that I get concerned about is,

Speaker 1 all right, what if there's a person, just some

Speaker 1 wacko

Speaker 1 they interpret it a certain way. Right.
Because I'm pretty public and I don't want to lose that part of me. Like, I'll just walk through the street.
I'll just walk through New York.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Right. Damn.
That's so big of you. You just like walk with us.

Speaker 1 No, it's not that. That's crazy.
100%. The most influential person in the world.

Speaker 1 I'm talking about when you're pushing the stroller.

Speaker 1 Like the week after those things.

Speaker 1 Do you ever catch eyes with someone and they're like, wait, that guy didn't like what I said?

Speaker 1 The scariest part is when someone, a week, like say like two days after something like that, the White House Course Monitor or something like you do this big international story and someone goes, hey man.

Speaker 1 Right on that hey man, you're just like,

Speaker 1 this can go two directions. Right.
You know what I mean? Right. And it's usually like, I'm a big fan, I would imagine.
Yeah. Mostly.
Hey, man, like, keep doing what you're doing. Do people ever?

Speaker 1 Occasionally I've gotten a couple. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Where it gets a little weird and and you're like dude i can't do this right now a couple of times it's happened on a plane and that's super uncomfortable that's the thing where i'm like oh i there's a lot to lose here there's everybody has their cell phones out like this is a this is very strange that's crazy because we've always going back to like the kevin durant thing i think the internet people are very very mean And for the most part, whenever we meet people in person, they're very, very nice because people just face-to-face don't have that type of like vitriol.

Speaker 1 I'll say whatever the fuck I want, but you sometimes get it. I mean, we're a news-driven show, right? So we're delving into politics and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 Like, ultimately, what I love about sports is it matters, but it doesn't matter at the same time. You know what I'm saying? And those things in life are beautiful.
I miss that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I miss having stuff like that.

Speaker 1 We also pulled like a judo move where we taught our listeners that if they really like us, when they see us in public, to say, suck my dick. Like that's locker room talk

Speaker 1 amongst the fellas. So when somebody says, hey, suck my dick, to me, even if they don't even know, they might be trying to insult me.

Speaker 1 But in reality, it's like, oh, that guy's a huge fan. So you'll just be sharing that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, thanks, man. Appreciate it.

Speaker 1 Hey, let's, you know, it's a little loud. You know, we're in public, mixed company.
Let's keep it quiet. Where's the weirdest place that that's happened, right? At church?

Speaker 1 It happened to my mom one time. Yeah.
My mom was wearing a part of my take shirt.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. Yeah.
Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 My mom was wearing a part of my take shirt, and somebody was like, hey,

Speaker 1 suck. And

Speaker 1 the guy didn't finish the saying. Well, didn't know it was his mom.
Didn't know it was his mom.

Speaker 1 He saw the part of my take shirt and goes, Hey, suck, you know. And she's like, What? He's like, We don't say that anymore because we told him not to say it.
It was a bad idea. It was a bad idea.

Speaker 1 It was a bad idea from the start, from the jump. That was like four years ago.
It was a good idea when we said it, and then when it was in the middle of the day. It was funny

Speaker 1 in the room. In this room,

Speaker 1 in this room.

Speaker 1 Outside these walls. It takes on life of itself.

Speaker 1 How did mom handle it? She was a trooper. She didn't really understand what was going on.

Speaker 1 She said, Some guy said that we don't say that anymore to me. And I was like, okay, yeah.
All right. That's fine.
That's fine. So at least he didn't say the full thing.

Speaker 1 Yes, uh, you mentioned the White House Correspondent Center, yeah. So, I feel like if you're a comedian taking that job, it's kind of a no-win situation.
Nah, man, it's the best gig. You think so?

Speaker 1 It's so fun, really. Come on, man.
You're making fun of me. I don't know.
I don't, I don't even, I have never even watched one, dude. It's on YouTube, man.
I know, and

Speaker 1 it's streaming for free. Open up your YouTube and let the

Speaker 1 recommended videos just overtake your mind at free time. That's yeah, let the algorithm just freaking freaking freaking fast.
Let the algorithm just dump it in. No, it's fun, man.

Speaker 1 You're making fun of the most powerful people in the world.

Speaker 1 And their silence is actually an indication of, like, you're doing great. Right.
So. Do you think you nailed it?

Speaker 1 I had a lot of fun. Did you have people criticize you one way or the other? Yeah.
They're like, oh, you didn't go hard enough or you were, you know, the children.

Speaker 1 I went pretty hard. Okay.
I take your word for it. I'm not going to watch you.
You're not going to watch, man. Yeah, yeah.
How hard did you go? How hard did I go?

Speaker 1 Yeah, like, would I have been able to swat it? No, no one's watered. Okay, there we go.
No, no, no. How hard is it going? It's Kevin Johnson going baseline dunking on Hakeem Elijah.

Speaker 1 Like, they didn't see it coming.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they didn't see it coming.

Speaker 1 It's Jon Starks going baseline dunking on all the Bulls. And technically, the poster looks better than what really happened.

Speaker 1 MJ wasn't really. Right.
No, it's a visual thing.

Speaker 1 Remember when Kobe on Yao? Yeah, yeah. No, I was going to say the Kobe Matt Barnes when the alternate angle came out like last year.

Speaker 1 No, but if you also look at the Kobe Yao Ming, also, Yao is slightly, but all that matters is the JPEG. There's a lot of people out there who've gotten embarrassed by playing really good help defense.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And that's not their fault.
Never try. Sliding over a little bit of lessons.
In my mind, it was T-Mac on Sean Bradley. Okay.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 Sean Bradley's getting dunked on by everyone. He's like a dunker guy.
He's just jammed on. He's lucky that he didn't wasn't social media age because it would have just been.

Speaker 1 There would have been like, who did Sean Bradley get, you know, face dunked? Who was the TNT announcer when he dunked on Sean Bradley? It's one of my favorite one.

Speaker 1 He goes, oh my, Tracy McGrady sucked the gravity right out of the building. It's probably Kevin Harland.
Yeah, Kevin Brannar. Kevin Harland's the gravity.

Speaker 1 It was one of the Sean Bradley owes so many guys, or they owe Sean Bradley so much money. Dude, give him the respect.
Yeah, hit him on Cash App and give him commission.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm saying Cash App and not the V-word. That was very cool.
We're sponsored by Cash App. Hit him on Cash App.

Speaker 1 There you go. This is brought to you by Ben and Jerry's.
Ben and Jerry's, get a scoop of Americon Dreams. No, don't.
Don't get Americon and extra, have it served in a Doc Martin.

Speaker 1 Can you guys, can you please not mess with my background? Go to Ben and Jerry's.com right now for your favorite scoop food. All right, last question from me.

Speaker 1 See Geek question, since we're doing ads, promo code take, put it in $10 off a SeatGeek purchase.

Speaker 1 So I was reading up on you, and you,

Speaker 1 there was a quote that you basically are going towards the politically

Speaker 1 agnostic. So you're not going for people who are hard and fast in their beliefs.
Yeah. I consider myself someone like that.

Speaker 1 I just don't. Dude, I love people like you.
I'm talking about.

Speaker 1 So you change my mind to be able to get to the point where you want people like Big Cat, people who are like, I'm not going to watch the correspondence dinner. No, because I don't want to.

Speaker 1 Bruh, there's Game of Thrones. Then we got the NBA on TMT.
That's for sure. Dude, we got, then right after the NBA on TAT, we got inside the NBA.
Then there's House of High.

Speaker 1 There's so much stuff for me. I do not care.
More than anything, I'm just, I've just come to the realization that everything's rigged. Sure.
On everywhere. Sure.
Everything. The world is rigged.

Speaker 1 Even the stick carrier yourself. Yeah.
Dude, my sex was very pessimistic.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, Kings fan.
Oh, come on. Don't

Speaker 1 be loyal. That's tough.
Yeah, it's a tough, it's a tough, very tough. So, so, So change my mind.

Speaker 1 I try to talk about things on the show that affect your day-to-day life. We're doing a big thing on mental health.
Like, literally, like, all right, I'm trying to go to therapy.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to get help for anxiety or panic attacks. This is how your insurance company is fucking you over.

Speaker 1 The thing I love doing on the show is we actually tackle rubber meets the road issues. Do you know what I mean? It's not these huge.

Speaker 1 Look, we have some episodes that are these huge esoteric things, but I'm talking about people you went to high school with, people that you meet. You're like, this affects your day-to-day life.

Speaker 1 You use Amazon. This is our episode on Amazon.com.
You use this, there's our episode on that.

Speaker 1 That's great. You can be completely agnostic, be like, dude, I don't give a fuck.
I just want to be on WhatsApp scrolling all day. I want to watch Inside the NBA, Game of Thrones.

Speaker 1 Dude, put me in that movie up. Remember, up? Like, put the iPad in front of me.

Speaker 1 I don't want to think about anything at all. Right.
Nothing to do. It's not the first 10 minutes of it.
Yeah, I'm just going to cry. Yeah, but I'm talking about the last part of the iPads.

Speaker 1 No, but that's cool. To me, that's rubber meets the road.
And I'll even have that argument sometimes with like people on the news team or even on the writers' team.

Speaker 1 I'm like, it has to affect people's lives when they actually live their day-to-day life. That's a big part of the reason why I pick some of the topics that I pick.
I like that.

Speaker 1 You should do one on porn. I'll tell you why.

Speaker 1 What part of it? I feel like the entire part. Porn of Dayton.

Speaker 1 No, not porn of distinct parts. The skeets.
The industry. Yeah, just the last five seconds of every porn.
No.

Speaker 1 I feel like we've been riding a gravy train for the last like 20 years or 15 years in porn porn where it's free and it's everywhere. And you can get high-definition porn online.

Speaker 1 You're not paying shit for anything. Nobody's clicking on those boner pillows or like click to play this sex game.
No one's clicking on horny singles in your area.

Speaker 1 We're all smart enough to know that that's bullshit. Yeah, there's no horny singles.
Someone's paying for it though.

Speaker 1 Someone's paying for it.

Speaker 1 And I feel like it's about to fall apart sooner rather than later. Interesting.
Because I know that they're sucking, like they're taking videos.

Speaker 1 that don't belong to because U porn doesn't make video, right? Pornhub doesn't produce that many videos. they're just stealing other people's art, putting it on their site.

Speaker 1 I think the whole like YouTubization of porn is going to fall apart. So Big Hat, so I think there's exploitation here.
Let's take a 15-second time off.

Speaker 1 Big hat, this is an example of a story that I would kill in the room. Right.

Speaker 1 You'd be like, all right, that's it. Well,

Speaker 1 the only thing I'd say is I definitely think people

Speaker 1 click on those apps. You know what legit I would say if it's about sex work? I would figure out what

Speaker 1 the ultimate take is. Oh, no, you don't.
No, he's right. He's right.
Hey, that's what I'm getting. There's exploitation.

Speaker 1 You either go full into it or you don't. So I would tell him, beat it out.

Speaker 1 Okay, done. No.
But hit up. Next.
Like, yeah. There we go.
With step two? All right, so then we're done. Yeah, yeah.
Beat it up. Done.
Yeah, no, you would, I know what you would do.

Speaker 1 You'd ruin porn for us.

Speaker 1 That's a bad idea. I actually just, I can't believe I told you to ruin porn for us.
Yeah, you would. Do you check? Do you check the news at all?

Speaker 1 At all.

Speaker 1 For real.

Speaker 1 It really doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 To be totally honest with you, I have not.

Speaker 1 I'll be on Twitter, so I'll be vaguely aware of some things. Kind of.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I used to care a lot more.

Speaker 1 I get it.

Speaker 1 I think what

Speaker 1 did it for me was that I'm similar to you that I don't think you can change anyone's opinion anymore.

Speaker 1 So it kind of gave. To me, it's just about adding value, man.
That's it. Like, even our big episode that we did on insulin pricing, on drug pricing.
It's just like, dude, come on.

Speaker 1 We either have a parent or we have a loved one that's dealing with this on some level. It's just, it's to me, it's all about rubber meets the road.

Speaker 1 So you need to do like an extra scene really focused on just me and be like, Jay Cutler would have been this much better of a quarterback if his insulin prices were this much lower. Right.

Speaker 1 And I would have been like, fuck. You're like, now

Speaker 1 this is a topic I care about. Have you cried because of sports? Have you legit? Of course.
What part? Like, multiple losing? Yeah. For real.
I mean, losing is more,

Speaker 1 it's like a whole body cry. And

Speaker 1 you assign a ton of value to the athletes. You really can't.
No, no, no, no. I know it's absolutely ridiculous.
Can I tell you the moment where I was just like, eh, this is a little bit too much?

Speaker 1 This is the 2007 NBA All-Star Game. It's in Vegas.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I go with my friends. We go.
This is the year I got chokeslammed by Michael Jordan's bodyguard outside of his birthday party. I've told the story before.
But there was this other moment the next day.

Speaker 1 You deserved it. I deserved it.
I ran up on him. I tried to get a high five.
I was wrong.

Speaker 1 Next day, we're at the craps tables. It's late at night.
We see all the players, right?

Speaker 1 Vince Carter is still popping. This is 07.
So he's still, like, he's on the nets. He's still kind of, he's still yaking on people.
He's still popping. He's still popping.
He's still popping.

Speaker 1 He's still lit. Yeah, he's got a jeans.
He's still in the beeks. He's still windmills.
Yeah. But we're talking, you know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. We're talking

Speaker 1 Vinceanity. Towards the end of Vince.

Speaker 1 Two years after Vinsanity, but he was still doing this. Yeah, yeah.
Dunking on Alonzo Morning and stuff like that. I see him at the craps table.

Speaker 1 He's got the fitted.

Speaker 1 He's got the full Steve Harvey suit on, just the big-ass jacket. Doesn't fit him at all.
I see him. He's at the crafts table.
And I'm like, dude, I want to talk to Vince. Like, Vince was like my guy.

Speaker 1 Like, that era, 2001, 2002, I was like, Vince Carter. So I go up to him.
My friend's like, oh, go talk to him. And I'm like, I'm going to go talk to him.
And I go,

Speaker 1 hey, Mr. Carter, can I get a photo? Nobody's around him, by the way.
He's just talking to a girl. He turns around and he just goes, come on, man.

Speaker 1 I'm talking to a girl.

Speaker 1 Like, in front of everybody.

Speaker 1 And I like, in that moment, you you ever have a moment where like you step out of your own body and you observe what's happening in the scene? And I'm like, oh yeah, you're right.

Speaker 1 A 25-year-old Indian kid just walked up to Vince Carter at 2 o'clock in the morning while he's trying to do what he's doing.

Speaker 1 Right, right.

Speaker 1 What am I doing? Yes. What am I doing? So that made you fall out of love with sports? No, no, no, no.
Assigning all this value of like, Vince, how could you do this to me?

Speaker 1 People are like on Twitter right now. Kyrie, you did us dirty.
us

Speaker 1 dude when i was growing up my dad was like why do you have posters of these guys in your room nobody cares about you the way i do

Speaker 1 which was some mad like emotional guilt but it's kind of true yeah you should have had posters of your dad you know i should have posters of my dad yeah and satya nadella

Speaker 1 And Chunder Pachai. Yeah.
You should get it. Those are the real goats.
You should get it. The fat heads CEOs of Microsoft and the CEO of Google.
Just up on my wall right now. Yes.
Just the true goats.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yes.
You know what I'm saying? Dude, I'm never going to make the team. No.
So fucking brush up on your engineering and join these two dudes in greatness.

Speaker 1 Assignment of Steve Ballmer would be great to put on your kids' wall. Think about it.

Speaker 1 On your kids' wall,

Speaker 1 you had Sundra Pachai, Satya Nadella, Steve Ballmer, like posters of Mark Zuckerberg, Elon Musk.

Speaker 1 These are your guys. See, I disagree on

Speaker 1 our relationship with sports.

Speaker 1 So sports in and of itself is beautiful, right? But when we took, come on, man. You knew this growing up.
You start assigning... Chris Weber betrayed us.
Okay. Us.

Speaker 1 He betrayed us. I find so much humor in that.
And I love when fans are that attached. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But we're not personally that attached. But you're not personally that attached.

Speaker 1 You got to figure out. What it made me figure out was the line by which, like, all right, I'm going to take it up to this line.
And then after that, I'm not.

Speaker 1 No, see, I want the line. I want it to go.
You want no line. You want to burn the game.
The first video of all time was to do all that stuff. It was the Utah fan who was like,

Speaker 1 Gordon Hayward, have fun going to be LeBron's B-word. Like, that was a funny video.

Speaker 1 I love fanaticism, it is hilarious to me because half of my brain is that meatball fan and half of it is smart enough to know how stupid the other half is. That's beautiful.

Speaker 1 That's pretty much our show. That's beautiful.
That's beautiful. That's pretty much our show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it.
Being like, we make fun of sports fans, but it are

Speaker 1 also kind of like that. Yeah, that's too much.
That's your joking, not joking. Right.
Exactly.

Speaker 1 That's a full circle movie.

Speaker 1 All right. All right.
Thank you so much. Thanks, man.
Patriot Act, Netflix. Check it out.
Sunday. Sunday.
Appreciate it. And good luck with everything.
Thank you, brother. Yeah.
Appreciate you guys.

Speaker 1 Thanks, man.

Speaker 1 I don't know what I'm to say. I'll say it anyway.

Speaker 1 Today is a model day to fight him. Shine away.

Speaker 1 Oh, I've been coming for your love, okay.

Speaker 1 Shine away.

Speaker 1 Oh, I've been coming for your love, okay.

Speaker 1 Say unto me

Speaker 1 no better to be safe than sorry. Say unto me.

Speaker 1 It's no better to be safe and sorry.

Speaker 1 Thinking something

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 Just fight my

Speaker 1 reason.

Speaker 1 You all think that

Speaker 1 you're a bad one.

Speaker 1 Show you all.

Speaker 1 Lock it up for you, anyway.

Speaker 1 Show you all.

Speaker 1 Lock it coming for you, anyway.

Speaker 1 Take off me.

Speaker 1 take all

Speaker 1 the

Speaker 1 way,

Speaker 1 take all