NFL Week 9 Recap, Fastest 2 Minutes + Football Guy Of The Week

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On today's Pardon My Take, week nine, we got football, football, football, and more football.

It is our Monday football-only show.

We're going to recap everything.

We're going to talk a little Browns dumpster fire, Bears dumpster fire we actually have a lot of dun chains i think this week i think this was the dun chain week so we got a lot of dun chains we got some mma we're going to talk a little uh who's back football guy of the week we got a packed show for you and it's all brought to you by ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working? Nah, neither has Ariat.

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Boy!

Boy! And then a lot of stuff, work to be done No place to hang out on Washington And then I can't blame all of the sun Oh no, we're gonna rock down to electric avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh, we're gonna rock down to electric avenue Anden. It's part of my take.
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Today is Monday, November 4th. Week 9.
What? What? What the? What? We start in foggy London town where Jacksonville meets Houston at Wembley Stadium. The Jaguars Sherlock home away from home.
Deshaun Elementary, my dear Watson, was racking up the Scotland Yards on the ground and through the air. And Texans linebacker Brennan Scarlet Letter put a giant C on Leonard Furnette's chest, fork-cocked.
Anyone can be a gardener if they got a two-foot-long hose. Speaking of oversized hoses, Teej, Nick Foles is expected to be back week 11 after the bye.
That's a totally unrelated fact. Texas 26, Jaguar 3.
Totally good. Out in western New York, where the Redskins game plan was to help their rookie QB Dwayne just hold on to the Rock Haskins.
Devin Samurai Mike Singletary was slashing the Redskins defense all afternoon as Josh Ray Allen was getting there, switching back and forth between the run and the pass. Bill Tom Callahan said, I can get a good look at a terrible franchise by sticking my head up Dan Snyder's ass, but I'd rather take Bruce Allen's word for it.
Hey, Teej. Yeah, boom? No one circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills.
In Kansas City, where Tyreek One Tree Hill gave Damian Williams a Sophia Bush push into the end zone on a long score, Kirk Cousins continues to feel most comfortable playing at home in his mom's basement like your typical millennial quarterback. Okay, Boomer.
Huh? That's what the kids are saying, Boomer.

Okay, Boomer.

So I'm back.

Boomer's back.

The Schwarm is back, back, back, back, back.

And it feels like the crowd is saying,

give me, give me more.

Give me, give me more.

Yeah, that's right, Teej.

Brittany's back too, bitch.

Chief's 26.

Vikings 23.

What?

Flipper, Flipper.

It's hyper-intelligent. They feel joy and depression.
Vikings 23. Woo! was caught.
The dolphin killed itself. Flipper, flipper, flipper communicates with sonar.
The military also uses sonar except they use it real loud. 235 decibels of sonar when it hits a dolphin.
The dolphin's brain turns into mush. Dolphin 26.

Jets 18.

In the steel city where Jacoby Brissett's knee needs a dry rubdown because his knee is cooked.

Brian Georgetown Hoyer backs up the Ewing Theory yet again.

As not only are the Colts better without Andrew Luck.

But they're better without Jacoby Brissett.

Even though that's not true.

The line worked way too well for your swarm to pass up. Minka, oh, oh, oh, Fitzpatrick, you know.
Why did Miami let me go as a second-year player? Good, go, all the way. Scored a 96-yard pick six.
And in the words of my good friend, the sheriff, Peyton Manning, he missed it. As so often happens when the Steelers play the Colts.
The game was decided on a last-second kick. Sorry, Colts fan.
The idiot kicker Mike Vaynerjack isn't getting luckered up and walking through that door. Steelers 26, Colts 23.
Standing on a corner, Jameis Winston, Tampa, Florida, such a fine sight to see. It's a fumble, my lord, and our jaws are on the floor.
Staring at that tiny hand, it's empty. Bruce won't sit back.
He's tired of his act. He's never seen that before.
Jameis did a self-strip sack. Seahawks 40, Bucks 34.
In Carolina, where Ryan Raisin Branahill made the Titans look very regular and kind of shitty. And the Panthers' offense continued to play well, making it more and more difficult for Ron Rivera to picture himself switching back and forth between Cam Newton and Kyle Ray Allen.

Sister Christian McCaffrey was motor in.

His way to three touchdowns as the Panthers running back,

running game took flight,

and DJ Smoor was the sweet piece of chocolate to McCaffrey's cracker.

You mean Mike Mayock, boom.

Yes, the sweet piece of chocolate to McCaffrey's Mike Mayock.

The Panthers get back in the win column 30 to 20.

Bumble!

Some bread.

In San Diego, where the unstoppable force makes the immovable object,

as Phillip Rivers' No Nut November made Aaron Rodgers quit No Shave November on the very first day.

Melvin Gordon-Hayward made sure that daddy's always happy,

scoring two touchdowns for his prolific quarterback.

Fall is here, and Mike's Williams-Sonoma gobbled up the yak, yak, yak, yak, yak,

accentuating the Chargers' fall aesthetic and two-game win streak.

Carmelo Anthony Lynn knows it's hoodie season, folks,

and was wet from three, calling for five field goals and a win.

The San Diego Superchargers, 26, the Green Bay Packers, 11. We finish in mile high where the Broncos quarterback of the future, Brandon Ray Allen, wanted to la-la-la-la-la-la-la lick you from your head to your toes, switching back between his tongue and his penis as he throws a, I want to throw a no-, no, no, no offense, TD.
Bozo Del Beckham was wearing clown shoes as the Browns season continues to be a circus, and it looks like Freddy Kittens is actually a big pussycat as the Browns are running out of lives quickly. Broncos 24, the Browns 19.
All right, week nine. I'm not going to say it.
What's that song? I'm not going to say it. What song? What song are we talking about, Hank? What song? I want to lick you from your head to your toes.
Ludacris. Luda.
Luda. Uh-oh.
Spaghetti-o. All right.
Week nine. In the books.
We got Cowboys are playing on Monday night, whatever.

Again.

So, as always, we should start from Sunday night,

and then we'll go back to the 930 game,

which I have a take on that I want to hear what you have to say to it.

But let's start with the Sunday night game.

Lamar Jackson.

Whoo!

Sheesh.

The New England Patriots are no longer undefeated. The 49ers are your lone undefeated team.
Turnover luck didn't work their way. That's football's version of Babbitt.
Yep. Turnover luck.
I'm so sick of Babbitt. The Collinsworth, it was shades of when Chip Kelly revolutionized offense in the first half in that Monday night game.
Collinsworth, while very excited, maybe a little over his skis when he said in five years, we will look back at this night and remember what Lamar Jackson just did to the NFL. Yeah.
He did that when they were up 17, nothing. Now they did win and they were impressive all night, but maybe a little ahead of ourselves.
We were about 30 seconds away from getting an Amazon Web Services on how quickly Chris's dick filled up with blood every time Lamar Jackson ran for an eight-yard gain. He was pumped.
But I will say this. Is the playbook out on how to beat the New England Patriots? Because by my estimation, all you really need is a transcendental quarterback.
You need a transcendental quarterback, a generational talent quarterback. You need Ed Reed entering the ring of honor at halftime, which was awesome.
And you need a sweet set of strobe lights in the stadium every time they score a touchdown. I'm so sick of strobe lights.
They hit those too fast. Listen, the fireworks are awesome.
The strobe lights too much in every stadium is's doing it now. Yeah, well, they're copying the college game, much like the Ravens offense is copying a college offense.
Now, they are unstoppable on offense when Lamar Jackson is able to run the ball like that. The whole team, 210 yards rushing.
The only problem is Lamar is going to get hurt at some point. Well, every time he gets hit, I'm like, is this the time? You're going to get Ravens fans mad at you for that.
I mean, that he doesn't I know but eventually he will no Ravens fans will say well he doesn't run like every other running quarterback ever he doesn't get hit he is probably you know the top he's in the top three of all running quarterbacks ever in terms of like how smooth he runs how deceptive he's very good and he is good at avoiding hits he's phenomenal but just if you look at if you look at the history of the eventually he's going to get tagged. Yeah, I made this point a few weeks ago, and then I got Ravens fans up my ass.
Well, that's because you were also calling them frauds. Well, and I fixed that two weeks ago.
They were no longer frauds after the Seahawks game. I told you.
I laid it out. If they beat the Seahawks, if they beat the Patriots, just had to beat one of the two, they would no longer be frauds.
They beat both of them and now look like serious, serious contenders. And Chris Collinsworth, by the way, also just ruined Lamar Jackson because he told his tell.
He said that if he wipes his towel, he's throwing a pass. And if he doesn't, he's running the ball.
This is all just totally nonsense that no one cares about. We all just want to hear our great producer and great friend, his spin zone.
Hank, the floor is yours. No spin zone.
I mean, the Patriots lost. Historic defense, though? I've talked many times on this show about how they've been on the receiving end of their turnover luck.
You have, yeah. You've been consistent on that.
I went against them tonight, but that happens in the NFL. I'll be excited to play the Ravens again in the playoffs.
Were the boogeymen seeing ghosts? The Patriots fucked themselves. Too many penalties, too many turnovers.
A couple bounces go their way. It's the bounces.
I think the Ravens played a good game. I think Lamar Jackson is very good, but I think the Patriots beat themselves more than the Ravens.
Do you think there's an element? Oh, they beat themselves. They beat themselves by having the most electric dual threat quarterback playing against them.
So still undefeated then? Because they haven't lost to an opponent. Well, they're 500 against the Patriots.
Yeah. So, Hank, my next question is...
Agent 1. I've said it on the show from the beginning of the year.
I have. Do you think there was an element of Bill Belichick maybe trying not to show everything, knowing that it's just a regular season game, like you said on Friday? That was your pre-spin zone.
Yeah, that was my pre-season. No, Belichick was pretty mad.
I mean, it was a beautiful game where the Patriots had enough fuck-ups where Belichick's going to light into them. Oh, yeah.
It's good. All their mistakes.
Well, I'll agree with you on that. I think they have a bye week, and then they're playing the Eagles.
They're going to kill the Eagles. They will.
How long is it going to take for somebody to get the word to Belichick that Lamar Jackson was doing that thing with his towel? Because I don't think Belichick watches the broadcast of the game. Well, they probably have somebody in the stands that is tuned in and then radios down to them telling them what's going on.
But if that's not the case, I think that'll probably take a couple days for somebody who's not just watching the film to get Belichick's ear and be like, hey, he does this thing with the towel. But you guys would admit that the Patriots, they weren't noticeably out of that game.
They could have won. They lost by three touchdowns.
They were down the whole game. I mean, the Edelman fumble was definitely the difference.
That was when it kind of tilted there. They were definitely coming back there.
But then you could say the same thing for the Ravens fumble on the punt. That brought the Patriots back when they were down 17-0.
My biggest takeaway, Hank, is if you're a Patriots fan, this team is obviously still good. This team is obviously still going to be the one or the two seed.
I would put my money on the one. But if the Ravens just keep playing well, they would now have the tiebreaker if they end up with both two losses.
But is there a little element of you being worried that this was the first real test after playing pretty much no one and they failed? No. Okay.
It's a good test. And guess what? I kind of agree with you because I think what will happen is everyone will overreact everyone will overreact because that's always a way to get a ton of news is to be like look at the Patriots they sucked on their first big test Bill Belichick's still gonna I mean he's pretty much gonna fix everything it actually I mean in a weird way like if you're a Ravens fan are you even happy that you like show him stuff It's like the Chargers game last year the Ravens beat the Chargers in San Diego and then uh they play the playoff game and the Chargers had everything that they needed to beat Lamar Hank I think that if I were you I would just go with the spin zone that if this game were played in New England the Patriots would have won there was a lot of ring of honor magic between Ed Reed and Ray Lewis in the building.
That was, by the way, the Ravens should have held onto that for like a bigger game. They should have saved that for the playoffs.
Ed Reed is starting to piss me off a little bit, and I love Ed Reed, but he makes me mad because no matter what he does, he looks cool doing it. And it's not fair.
Yeah, he is a cool guy. If he's smoking a cigar, if he's just like dancing on the sidelines, if he's just walking through a tunnel, it doesn't matter if he's sitting behind a desk next to Rich Eisen or whatever.
Ed Reed always looks sweet as hell. It's his beard, and he's got that beautiful salt and pepper.
Yeah. I would never dye my hair.
So, Hank, full final thoughts on the game. Moving on.
Good game, tough loss. Excited to play him in the playoffs.
There you go. I have noticed that Stephen Belichick is getting a shitload more face time on the cameras this year.
I think he's calling. What's going on with that? He's allegedly calling plays.
There's reports coming out of New England that he is actually the defensive play caller and not Mayo. Because him and Mayo are so close.
Okay. And Bielema's out there.
Every time Brett Bielema, I see him on the sideline, I just chuckle a little. Yeah.
I don't know what he's doing. All right.
He's like mimicking everyone else to try to get in the good graces of Bill Belichick. You know who's really, really good, though, on the Ravens' side? It's Greg Roman, their offensive coordinator.
He is really good. He was the coordinator for Kaepernick back in San Francisco when he had those two electric years back-to-back.
Should the Ravens sign Kaepernick? Well, they've got RG3. That would be something if they had...
I think so. I'm not on the team? I think so.
I'm not going to fact check that, but yeah, he definitely is.

And the cool thing about Greg Roman is he installs these offenses that are kind of college-like

and very, very flashy, but he looks like Rex Ryan's lawyer is the best way to put it.

He's got that mullet going.

He's got the gray hair.

And then he brought out his own chain at the end of the game.

He had this chain that was tucked in that he brought out.

This is my victory chain afterwards.

I like that.

I like that.

Chains are back.

Okay, let's get into the end of the game he had this chain that was tucked in that he brought out this is like this is my victory chain i like that i like that chains are back okay let's get into the rest of the games we'll start with the london game texans jaguars so i think i'm officially off the early london game i hate it i'm over i'm over it it always stinks and it always feels like it's almost a burden And I love football so much, but doesn't it feel like a burden?

It's like Sunday morning you need to get your wits about you,

and then you're sitting there watching a shitty game that you don't really want to watch,

and if they had just stuffed it into the regular slate,

it would feel a lot more normal.

But, man, I don't know.

Something about it.

Just put it in the 1 o'clock.

They need to do it once a year.

It's great to have once a year as something new to spice things up, a new position to try once in a while with your NFL. If you get tired of the same old, same old.
I tend to agree with you. Sunday morning is when you wake up, and if there are any chores that you have to do around the house.
Oblows. If there's some oblows you got to do, you got to take the dog.
There was no window virtually for me to let Leroy out. Leroy had to wait until afternoon today to go outside and he didn't care because he was sleeping the whole time.
But yeah, it was it is getting to be a handful and I don't mind sacrificing my Sundays for the NFL. Who are you guys? I'm being honest.
I'm being an honest person. I realized this this morning.
I love it. I love it once a year.
Here's the thing. If you're going to have the Jaguars play in their annual London game, it should be the first one.
They should kick off London NFL season with the Jaguars. It's also the – this game sucked.
That was part of it. It sucked.
So I was watching it and being like, why am I watching this? This game is terrible. But I wish it would just be sandwiched in with all the other ones because then it doesn't feel as terrible.
When you have standalone games that suck, they really kind of ruin your mood, especially when you lose a bet too. And you start the day off.
Oh, and one, you're like, fuck this sucks. Like now I got to dig out of a hole, but I, I'm just being honest, Hank.
I think people enjoy our honesty. If I were to be dishonest and be like, I love football at all hours.
prefer not to have them the london game start at 9 30 anymore i would i would absolutely rather have the london game be played on either a saturday yes or a tuesday night maybe not a saturday because college football is wall to wall but maybe saturday is when we get later in the season but then there'll be travel things i just i need my sunday mornings to get my mind right take a walk. I listen to Nora Jones.
I let my mind chill for a minute. You let the wind run through your hair a little bit.
And then I was just watching Gardner Minshew suck. So that's the big story coming out of this, by the way.
Credit to Gardner Minshew for making an easier decision for Doug Marone. He's such a team player.
He's like, I'm going to end the game on three consecutive turnovers so that that's the last thing Marone saw, and he gets to just say, I'm going back to Nick Foles. So he had four turnovers total.
Nick Foles is supposed to be back week 11. I think this is a no-brainer.
You have to start Nick Foles. And that's not saying Gardner Minshew isn't a quarterback in the NFL going forward, but you have money invested in Nick Foles.
You're four and five, and we'll get to this later because the afc uh playoff picture there are a bunch of teams still alive and the jags are one of them and i think gardner minshu like made it so good we we've said this all all season long with gardner minshu basically you either plays so well that it's an easy no doubter or he shits the bed right before nick foals came back. And guess what? He shit the bed right before Nick Foles came back.
So if you're Doug Marone, you have to start Nick Foles. I think he will.
If I were Doug Marone, it would be a tough decision, though. No, I don't think it is.
Because of the money aspect that we were talking about. No, here's why it's not a tough decision in my mind.
Because you basically had Gardner Minshew look good for a while. So if you go to Nick Foles, Gardner Minshew is still a commodity that you could trade potentially or make him the starting quarterback for the Jags next year.
Nick Foles needs to come back, look good, and then you can trade either or. So you can then make the pick.
If Nick Foles doesn't come back and look good, if you sit him, it's going to be really hard to go to move on from on from him and now you have I think it's 33 million dollars in dead cap space next year to Nick Foles so you basically have to get you have to like raise both of their stocks simultaneously and benching Gardner Minshew right now would actually raise his stock because he was that bad I'm just gonna miss Gardner Minshew it's just that I would rather an NFL that has Gardner Minshew starting on Sunday than one that doesn't. But I can see your point because if you are still trying to make the playoffs, you could probably say that Nick Foles might give you your best hope to make the playoffs this year.
And they have a schedule. They do.
They could win out. They have at Colts, at Titans, Bucks, Chargers, Raiders, Falcons, Colts.
So there's wins there. Yes.
And they're four and five right now. I think nine and seven will get you in that sixth spot in the afc it's going to be a lot of teams but nick foals is the guy you need to have go do that now on the other side of the ball you had a quarterback to sean watson that is playing as good as as anyone in the nfl right now um i have a bone to pick with him though yeah he said after the game he credited popeye's new chicken sandwich the return of the chicken sandwich sandwich, for helping him play better.
But here's the thing. It wasn't back until today.
So either, one, Deshaun Watson is a liar. No.
Or, two, he's been hoarding chicken sandwiches, which is even worse because he hasn't been sharing those with other Houston athletes like Justin Verlander who need them. No, I think what he's saying is it's his victory sandwich, so he wasn't going to eat one unless they won.
Oh, he was saying that that was his motivation. That was his carrot dangling on a stick.
Yeah, when he got back, that was going to be the first meal he eats. So that makes sense.
That would make more sense. Is the Texans' defense better without J.J.
Watt? People are asking. I'm not necessarily asking, but I've heard his they had more they they forced more turnovers than points given up hmm yeah jj you can talk about your team winning yeah so he was on twitter and he was like i don't know what the rules are telling me that i am and i'm not allowed to say right now but i would rather have nine cups of coffee than three cups of coffee that's when they were up nine to three it's.
And so JJ was like talking about gambling. Yeah, I think he was confused.
Like you cannot bet on your team, but you can talk about your team winning. Yes, I think JJ was probably under the influence of some post-surgery pain medications.
And JJ, it's kind of a bad influence to be tweeting while under the influence, bro. Get better soon, JJ.
All right, next up we got Redskins, more thing i'm i should we put a done chain on the jaguars yet no we just talked about how they have a winnable schedule okay yeah no and nick foal's gonna come back they have a bye week they are not done okay they can absolutely still get back into it uh red skins bills so um dwayne haskins not horrible he didn't turn the almost did, though. It was the wind.
No, listen, we got to say this about when you're playing in Buffalo, it was a windy, windy day, and having no turnovers against the wind is very, very impressive. He did.
He had one time where he almost dropped the ball. Basically, no one was even near him, and he fumbled the ball in his own hands and then recovered it and then started high stepping.
Like kind of, kind of like when your dog eats the trash and it's like, what, that wasn't me trying to like maybe, maybe get something else going on. Like let's, let's talk about something else.
Let's talk about the high step, not the fact that I can't even hold on the ball when no one's near me. I thought, I thought it was more like when you trip accidentally and then you start jogging afterwards to pretend that you didn't trip.
Yes. He was just like, no, it's like I'm playing basketball.
I'm doing a little skip to my Lou out here. It was Jameis-esque.
It was Jameis-esque, but his hands are big enough to recover from that. I've got a couple fun stats about the Redskins.
I know which one you're going to say. So they had nine points today.
They've had three touchdowns in their last 24 quarters of football. In addition to that, over their last six games, they have only scored one touchdown against a team that's not the Dolphins.
Yeah, they haven't scored a touchdown in 13 quarters. They haven't scored a touchdown in three straight weeks.
And I'm addicted. I have a new addiction on Twitter.
And we'll get to it with the Jets game, too. I'm addicted to, I have a new addiction on Twitter and we'll get to it with the Jets game too.
I'm addicted to terrible teams tweeting out when they score field goals down by a lot. It's so awesome.
The Redskins were smart enough to only do it once on Sunday. So they had three field goals.
They only did it for the second field goal when I think it was 17, six, but the replies to field goals when a team is down and terrible.

And hasn't scored a touchdown in three weeks.

They're just, they're basically, it's roast me.

It's going on roast me.

Like, hey, everyone, come show up and roast the fuck out of me.

I think for the Redskins, they're such a poorly run organization.

That their kicker probably is the one that runs their social media.

So he has to get his flex off.

They're getting wise to it, though.

Yeah. Yeah.
So, yeah, three field goals. which is better than zero field goals against the niners but um they they didn't score a touchdown again this time they didn't cover though uh while not scoring a touchdown so you could say that it's trending in a bad direction counterpoint is uh callahan's running the ball yeah adrian peterson there's no one who has benefited more from a coach change than Adrian Peterson because Bill Callahan's like, hey, let's just run it with AP.
He had a 2012-esque AP game where he had over 100 yards rushing in the first half and was just running all over everyone. So he's going to get like four more contracts just from the fact that Bill Callahan's a coach.
I don't know. He needs them.
Yeah, he does. He does.
The thing is, it's so pointless for the Redskins to be running Adrian Peterson because they're not going to re-sign him. Someone else is going to re-sign him after this.
They've got young running backs that don't bring up. I don't even know if anyone would.
Yeah, somebody might. But why is it pointless then? Because it doesn't make sense to be just like hammering Adrian Peterson.
It's not good for him. It's like a 95-year-old winning the lottery.
But are you saving him for anything?

Not really.

So you're saying the Redskins aren't doing –

the Redskins are not being morally correct here

by basically running Adrian Peterson in the ground,

and that's weird how?

They should make a switch from Adrian Peterson.

Yeah, I mean, I don't see –

of course they're running him into the ground.

Yeah.

And you know what?

I think that's what Adrian Peterson wants.

He does.

He wants to play football.

He wants to play football until he can't physically run anymore.

I'm just saying you might want to give the ball to a different player in the team.

Somebody that might stick around for the future.

No, Bill Callahan is running an offense from 88 years ago.

You know what?

As long as the Redskins have been around is 88 years,

and they've never had three straight weeks without scoring a touchdown.

He should just embrace this and just run the single wing. Yeah.
Just say fuck it. Why not? Shout out to Devin Singletary because he's a dude for the Bills.
Motor is his nickname. Also 5'7", so he's one of our new, like...
Short Kings. Yeah, Short King running backs.
He's taken the reins from Frank Gore officially, and he was awesome. Yeah, he was really good.
And good job by the Bills. You needed a comeback game where you beat a really bad team soundly, and they did that.
I mean, the Bills' defense is still really, really, really good. Yeah, well, again, it happened last week with the Eagles when Miles Sanders was running all over them.
Adrian Peterson, there there was a few times where he was just like running wide open and no one was tackling him. So I think the Bills defense is good, but I'd have concerns.
Really good defenses don't give up like 40-yard runs. They just don't.
So I think that's a little bit of a difference. Still, I think the Bills are – they're going to be that team that will be solidified in the wild card spot in like three weeks i think yeah uh all right barstool gold barstoolgold.com slash pmt you can watch us right now barstoolgold.com slash pmt next up we have the vikings and the chiefs this was the classic backup team win where everyone on the chiefs if you read their quotes after they're like this was just a good old-fashioned team win and you need one of these when mahomes is out again and the the chiefs had lost three in a row at home so losing four in a row would have been really really bad and guess what you had kirk cousins the uh stat stuffer show up and three touchdowns.
But if you watch this game, he fucking stinks.

Yeah.

Here's a little fun stat from Evan Kaplan.

Kirk Cousins, when trailing in the fourth quarter as a Vikings quarterback,

loss at Chiefs, loss at Bears, loss at Packers, loss versus Bears,

loss at Seahawks, loss at Patriots, loss at Bears, loss versus Saints,

loss at Rams, loss versus Bills, and then he tied the Packers once.

He's 0-10-1.

That's a little crown jewel for Kirk Cousins. And you know, what's really spectacular is the chiefs won this game on daylight savings times day when Andy Reed had an extra hour of clock to mismanage true, which is like playing J.R.
Smith on, on four 20. This is like Andy Reed's kryptonite and they managed to pull it off.
We, we do not Kirk Cous had the ball I think he actually if you had to ask yourself starting quarterbacks who is the guy that you at least want to have the ball in the fourth quarter to bring a team back to win I actually think it's Kirk Cousins and I know people are probably listening to this right now they're like dude you root for Mitch Trubisky I actually think Mitch Trubisky would be better in the two-minute offense than Kirk Cousins. Well, he put up some stats.
It's the only time he actually is good is when they're down trying to come back. Kirk Cousins, he had the ball twice at the end of the game, three and out, three and out, and not even close.
And he also had one of the most hilarious Kirk Cousins plays where he slid with no one around him on a third and six, two yards short. one was going to touch him and he slid two yards short of the first down and had to punt that should be that should count as the interception i mean that's kirk cousins for you there's a reason why he's gotten what the franchise tag twice and then he got 90 million dollars guaranteed he knows how to protect him so he's i'll put it this way he is in no danger of uh having the lamar jackson tag put on him as like a quarterback that will be injured at some point uh andy reed deserves more credit for being one of the best coaches in the nfl probably nfl history i hope he wins the super bowl at some point because this is the uh 11th season where he's won a game with multiple quarterbacks he made matt moore look good like this is what this is a a classic case of coaching matters because you have a guy, Matt Moore, who has not played.
He started five games since 2011. He retired last year.
He was gone. He wasn't in the NFL.
And he was on the Dolphins before that and terrible. And he looks halfway decent with Andy Reid as his coach.
He's not incredible. After the touchdown at Tyreek Hill, there was a lot of tweets being like Patrick Mahomes, system QB, Patrick Mahomes.
Skip Bayless. That's when you know you're doing good enough to – The system works.
Yep. The system works.
I think Skip Bayless said he did the old, I'm not going to say it, but this offense looks better with Matt Moore than it did with Patrick Mahomes. And then he didn't say it, though.
He didn't say it, though. He didn't say it.
And then Patrick Mahomes came sprinting out at the end of the game. It looked like he was going to give a chest bump to Harrison Bucker, and Bucker pulled up at the last second, which is probably pretty smart for him to do.
By the way, we don't laugh enough about the fact that the guy's name is Harrison Bucker. Harrison Bucker.
There's a kicker named Bucker, and he's good. Yep.
It's ridiculous. Also, not only Andy Reid's offense, but having Tyreek Hill helps out a lot.
Yep. Because I haven't seen a small guy play that big in a long, long time.
It's like Santana Moss back in the day. That was a real nice cliche right there.
Small guy plays real good. He plays big.
He plays big. He does play big.
He plays a lot bigger than his size. He does.
I actually don't think so. I think it's the opposite.
I think he's so fast. He doesn't play big.
He's just so fast. No, it's both.
He does play big because he times his jumps just perfectly. It's really good the last step or two when the ball's about to land and a cornerback's jumping up for it.
He'll take a little cut to the inside and step in front of him and grab it. It's incredible watching him, Brian.
Did you think it was fucked up, him showing up his fellow receiver like that? No, I did. I think it was awesome.
I think it was, it was a running back. It was awesome.
He outran his running back to the end zone, despite spotting him about a 10 yard headstart. And earlier in the week, I think it was Mikko Hardman was saying that he's faster.
I actually, Tyreek Hill. And so Tyreek was like, I'm going to show off, put something on tape for you guys to watch.
I kind of, I was thinking like a kind of a drunk high idea. When I watched that, I was was like why don't they just have tyree kill play safety in like end of game situations when you just need to chase like he could run down a hook and ladder like four different times he run down anyone yeah yeah right he could just zigzag around the field just going after every single person i would much rather have him than rob gorkowski playing safety that's true um okay Dolphins, let's go to the Jets-Dolphins game.
Say something nice about the Dolphins. They won a football game.
Brian Flores got a Gatorade bath. It was incredible.
Dolphins fans were partying. The team that was trying to tank won a game, and that speaks all to how bad the Jets are.
Holy shit, they're bad. bad really bad their fans traveled well though there were there were so many fans at the game that were just staring in disbelief like i can't believe they yelled they had a legitimate fire gase chant yeah in miami adam gaze which actually could have been adam gase miami chant just like out of habit right right now that i'm thinking about it's just people in's just people in Miami that are such bad sports fans that they don't know that they no longer have Adam Gase as their head coach.
That's actually a good possibility. And the Jets, this week, we're talking to the Steelers about possibly trading Le'Veon Bell back to the Steelers.
Right. So things are just, the wheels are off.
The wheels are off in New York. Adam Gase is going to get fired this time.
Yes, of course he is, because the Jets' entire system makes no sense at this point. Do they have a system? Well, barely, but they have a quarterback that the GM didn't draft and the coach didn't sign off on.
Right. They have a coach that the GM was hired afterwards.
So the GM didn't pick the coach coach and he didn't pick the quarterback and the coach didn't pick the quarterback uh-huh so so they all hate each other it's basically no one no one will defend anyone in that building and i would assume joe douglas would be the last man standing because he usually works that the gm has the longest leash in these situations you got to give him a few drafts. Adam Gase has probably gone after this year because Joe Douglas didn't pick him.
And then Sam Darnold, I don't understand how this guy beat the Cowboys because what we've seen since he is football follies. He's old school football follies.
The safety that the Jets took today needed the yakety-sax music because it was so amateurish. And I don't understand why they also don't just run that.
We've talked about this before, but the script. Sam Donald looks awesome for the first 15 plays every single game.
And then it all falls apart. And I saw this Adam Gase in the last 11 games that he's coached.
He's scored 10 touchdowns offensive. But he's a quarterback whisperer.
That's the thing. He made Peyton Manning awesome.
That's right. Yeah, it was Peyton Manning, and then he had a good season with Jay Cutler too, right? Yes, he did.
I actually wanted him as the Bears coach for a while. I was like, yo, you got to pay Adam Gase because you can't let him walk out that door.
Is it the cocaine eyes? The cocaine eyes on Adam Gase, they don't quit. He's got these big pupils that are always darting all around the place.
He was dead in the water after that opening press conference. Yes.
When they brought him out and he was just staring at invisible mosquitoes buzzing around his face. That's not a face that can work in New York.
I actually think if you're looking at the front office, when you've got all these different people that are all blaming each other, who the last person standing is going to be is probably going to be mostly based around what Mike Francesa says. Or what talk radio says in New York.
He doesn't have that pull anymore. I don't know.
The sports pope? Hey, he's not number one anymore. Can't bless you? He's not number one anymore.
That's true. Someone's going to probably get mad at us for that, but it's facts are facts.
The other guy, I don't know what the other guy's name is. How bad did he lose by? Who's the other guy? Michael Kay.
He lost by a lot, I think. So the Pope is done.
This is what the Pope was made to do, though, is to talk about the mess that is the New York Jets. Adam Gase afterwards.
Can you imagine Mike Francesca if every team in New York was playing very, very well all the time? No. I don't think he knows what to talk about.
No. Adam Gase afterwards Can you imagine Mike Francesca if every team in New York was playing very very well all the time? No.
I don't think you know what to talk about Adam Gase afterwards said it's the NFL man you can't be embarrassed by this shit by talking obviously about giving the Dolphins a team that is actively tanking their first victory of the year I would say you actually can be you can definitely be embarrassed by how bad football team is. I think that's actually a very common emotion that people who aren't high on whatever he's high on have.
Like, hey, severe embarrassment that I'm this bad at my job. I want to take it back because I don't want to say that he's on cocaine because he doesn't seem like he's cool enough to do cocaine.
No, people don't invite him to the coke room. No, definitely.
I think Adam Gates is just high on his own brain. I think that his own brain is just like a natural fucked up mix of pseudo-fed and just like biker speed.
He's probably high on imposter syndrome. He's like, how did I get here? How did someone else hire me after I did that? Yeah.
He did go to the playoffs with Miami, which is crazy, didn't he? No, I don't think so. Did he? What was the year that they – no, that was before that.
Yeah, they flirted with the playoffs. Yeah.
They were like 8-8 maybe. I kind of agree with you because if you just take a normal person with no discernible talent and keep telling them that they're good at something and giving them millions and millions of dollars while they keep failing, eventually your brain is just – you're going to besd like a natural form of lsd the entire time like what the fuck is going on your eyes what's going on i am a coach right now and the professional national football again okay again okay i guess i'm living my life in the truman show you know what just keep happening let's just we should just tell adam gase like yeah bro this is the truman show yeah we're we've been watching you your entire life we've it's a social experiment to see how you'd react and you know what you reacted in a very entertaining way for all of us so thank you for keeping us entertained for the last 25 years my question is and i love to do this to put jets fans on the on the spot here uh if so you beat the dolphins so you now are second to worst record in in the nfl because the bengals still have no wins but you have one win the dolphins have one win and the dolphins have the tiebreaker to be you know the third pick or whatever am i missing someone wait the redskins oh yeah the redskins have one win too okay so did the the the Redskins and Jets play each other later?

Yeah, they play coming off the bye week for the Skins too.

If the Jets were somehow to get the first pick, do they take Tua?

I love doing this because now when you have a quarterback that is everyone saying is the clear number one,

you can basically just put it to fans and be like, hey, Tua, would you drop everything?

I think you would.

I think you'd.

Sam Darnold, I don't know what's happening with him.

He doesn't look like a quarterback anymore.

I don't think they'd take Joe Burrow because Joe Burrow looks like a skinnier version of Sam Darnold.

Yeah.

They look too much alike to have on the same roster.

I think I would.

Yes.

Hey, you got to get star power.

You got to get that name that pops in the Big Apple, baby. everyone alright let's go to the next game the Bears-Eagles let's talk about the Bears so first half first half stats let's do it 20 plays 9 total yards 1.8 yards per completion .4 yards per play .4 .4 yards per play at halftime That is what, like 1.8 yards per completion 0.4 yards per play 0.4 0.4 yards per play at halftime that is what

like 1.25 feet they had one one one passing yard in the first half a yard a yard one yard a single yard they had the fewest yards in a in 40 years. So they had one yard of passing.
A yard. Let alone many yards.
A yard. A yard.
A yard. A yard.
A yard. A yard.
A yard. Solamente.
This is the ghosts. Matt Nagy's probably doing this to the pipes.
Stop talking about my shitty football team that I can't coach competently. Wait, so I know that the passing offense sucks.
But I know. I have a stat for you.
This is a stat from myself because I'm a masochist. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to go look it up.
There were seven teams this week that had more yards on their first play from scrimmage than the Bears did in the entire first half. It's not great.
Seven. Nine yards of total.
Nine. Single yard.
Basically, like one average depth Dame Lillard three-point shot of offense in the entire first half. Oh, my God.
That's not good, but spin zone, they turn around in the second half. They almost won.
I'm so, so sick of this team right now. I don't know what you have to put in Chase Daniel.
You have to.

This is because here's the thing.

Matt Nagy does not trust Mitch Trubisky.

Matt Nagy doesn't think Mitch Trubisky can make any kind of throw.

And whether he can or can't, if your coach thinks he can't.

Sounds like a good coach.

But if your coach thinks he can't, he's going to coach that way.

And it's absolute coward play calling.

Like, I would rather lose and have Mitch Trubisky throw the ball down the field

I'm going to coach that way. And it's absolute coward play calling.
Like, I would rather lose and have Mitch Trubisky throw the ball down the field 40 times and throw five interceptions than get a yard in the first half. A yard.
If they had just taken the knee for the first three snaps and then punted every possession, that would have been better. Because then guess what? Your offense is rested rested for the second half and my point from last week proved to be exactly correct the offense the Bears offense is so bad it has murdered the Bears defense because when you look at the second half when they come back in that game the offense started to look alive Mitch started to make some throws and the defense started to look alive because they're like hey we actually have like a team on the other side of the ball that can maybe help us out a little bit and it's complimentary football it's a fucking mess the only positive I took away from this game was that Matt Nagy didn't say anything stupid after he just said it sucks and he didn't miss a field goal he just said it sucks which you know what he's learning because i was expecting him to be like i thought our play calling was good in the first half and you know a couple misses here and there and we would have had maybe two yards yeah well why don't you why don't you just let mitch play for the rest of the season because you're not going to go anywhere you put the you put the hashtag done on him which there's no coming I think you have the problem.
I think the problem is. Is the defense going to get too demoralized? I think there is that problem of like guys quitting.
Like guys are going to quit on this team because it's such a joke. It is such, such a joke.
How do you get one yard? It's pretty tough to do. How do you get one yardyard passing? I don't get it.
It's crazy.

Matt Nagy does not know how to – he needs to stop calling football games. He needs to hand over the play calling.

It's not for him.

It's not working.

Like, everything is broken.

It's not working.

To do the same thing week in, week out is fucking insane.

That's it.

You also are missing Jordan Howard a little bit, I think.

Yeah, Jordan Howard revenge game. Good for Jordan Howard.
Honestly, good for him i'm not i have nothing against jordan howard he got a raw deal he was awesome for the bears when he was a rookie in his second year he got a raw deal i this is this is somehow this offense is worse than john fox's offense it's gone backwards in time i mentioned because I was at the Eagles-Bears game two years ago when they lost 31-3 to the Eagles, and that first half made me think it was a worse Bears team than that one. And that team was terrible.
They did go backwards on three of their first six drives in the game. Unbelievable.
Negative yards. They're so bad, and the Eagles, credit to them, I mean, he held tough.
I don't know. The Bears could have won the game, too.
That's the craziest part. They actually were in the game.
Matt Nagy didn't do his math right, which shouldn't surprise anyone, but he wasn't able to correctly figure that one out when they were down, I think it was 19-0, and they scored a touchdown, and he kicked an extra point. So, kept it at a 12-point game instead of 11 of 11 yeah that way if you score two touchdowns you win yeah right and you miss an extra point right you might do right that's probably what he was thinking actually he's like we're probably going to miss one of these two they're dumpster fire they're done they're so done hashtag very done done chained everything all of it but shout out to o'donnell he had a 72 yard punt That's pretty cool.
Shout out to him. He did, again, the silver lining is Matt Nagy said nothing stupid afterwards.
So we're making baby steps in the right direction here. All right.
Seeky question. Promo code TAKE.
Seeky. Promo code TAKE.
You get $10 off. PFT.
Yeah. Can you name the holder for the Indianapolis Colts? The holder for the Coltsts the guy that did laces in yes yeah no i don't know who it is unbelievable name his name is pat mackville jim or say the third rigoberto sanchez oh yeah that's pretty sweet rigoberto sanchez that's pretty fucking awesome uh i have a theory laces in rico i have a theory you ready for this? Yes.
Adam Vinatieri has been missing on purpose for the last four weeks

because he knows that the Patriots are not happy with their kicking situation. And they'll eventually sign him for the playoff.
That's great. I actually had a do your pod segment for this game as well.
And that was that. Do you think it's going to help his chances of going in the Hall of Fame as a Patriot because he's been missing so many kicks as a cult wait but he made a game winner last week he did that was a mistake okay he meant yeah he was trying to he told rigoberto he's like hey i got an extra couple cannolis for you if you hold it laces in dude rigoberto man tough tough to be and tough to have that name because everyone's gonna remember it if your name was dan sanchez orchez or, you know, Mark Sanchez, we would know Steve Sanchez.
We'd be like, okay, whatever. Rigoberto.
I'm going to remember that name forever. Yeah.
Rigoberto. I want to give a shout out to Mike Tomlin for never learning anything about anything and adapting his in-game coaching strategy.
Yep. Because he kept challenging pass interferences.
He loves it. And he loves it so much.
Like the mouse. We were talking about that when we were interviewing Matt Patricia, but he's like the mouse that keeps getting shocked when it goes for the cheese and he just keeps going for the cheese.
I love it. It's like the Steelers don't switch up.
Their ownership doesn't move on from shitty coaches. Well, Mike Tomlin doesn't move on from shitty coaching decisions.
It's going to work eventually. And guess what? Winning ugly is still winning because that was an ugly, ugly win.
Mason Rudolph, not so great. Jacoby Brissett, that sucked.
But I think he's fine, right? Like, he's going to be week to week. It's an MCL sprain.
MCL-ish. MCL-ish.
Brian Hoyer. It's pretty much a sprain MCL.
Brian Hoyer's first pass was a touchdown. You should just bring.
I feel like Brian Hoyer has that. He's like a really good middle reliever where he can give you like eight pitches.
Yeah. To get one guy out.
He's a specialist. Yeah.
So bring him in. He's a third quarter Pittsburgh Steelers specialist.
Bring him in and just be like, hey, you're in. Jacoby Bursette's hurt.
And then Jacoby Bursette comes back in. Yeah.
So just for like three plays. And he'll give you everything.
And then he'll throw a pick six to make a Fitzpatrick by the way shout out to the Steelers that was a hell of a trade yeah like that's you don't think that like they gave up a one which was what Minkah Fitzpatrick was and now I've been hot on the Steelers are going to maybe make the playoffs they have so I looked at their schedule they're four and four right now they have um they have games they should win Browns Bengals Browns Cardinals Jets if they can win the games they should win those five games all they gotta do is go one and two against the Rams Bills and Ravens and they would win 10 games so yeah I could that's doable I guess been done for the season yes yeah yeah he might come back I think he's done for the season oh he is he is yeah have Have you seen that? The Mega Man brace that he's had on his shoulder? If they are in the wildcard picture, he will show up week 17 and be like, put me in, coach. That's not how rosters work, Ben.
Ben, you can't move your arm. He throws his arm and hurts it again.
He's got to get surgery again. You haven't jacked off in two months, so you can't do this.
By the way. Stitches pop because he's like, I got this, coach.
On Monday Night Football, I noticed, and I can't believe it took me this long to notice it, but he looks exactly like the dude from Epic Mealtime. You remember that guy? The bacon strips and bacon strips guy? Bacon.
Looks exactly like Ben Roethlisberger. Yeah.
Yeah, I could see the Steelers making the playoffs. I could.
Their defense is very good, and Mason Rudolph is not very good, which it's almost nice. The Steelers, in a weird way, this season is going to be good for them because they could still make the playoffs, which would be a miracle given how they started.
Actually, Mike Tomlin said, we will work forever trying to get that September stink off of us. Which is like, really? Yeah, I know we're all about the September stink.
Forever. But if they, so if the Steelers make the playoffs or just miss the playoffs, and Mason Rudolph is the same guy he's been the last few weeks, it's actually a great season for them because not only did they show that their defense is real and they can, you know, they had a season that was lost but then came back, but they also probably figured out Mason Rudolph isn't the guy of the future.
Which is better than letting Ben retire and being like, ooh, this is the guy. Yeah, I mean, that's one of the situations where we could have just told you that he wasn't the guy by looking at his face.
Bad face. He's got a big face.
It's so big. It's big, but it also looks like a six-year-old's face.
He looks like the kid that was running around with the Kool-Aid circle around his lips the entire time. Huge face.
Yeah, huge face a big face big ass face not the guy not not a bad player but he's not the guy he's not the guy he's a guy with a with a lowercase g i actually was going to do like a whole statistical analysis of why they should start duck but no it's just it backed me up it just boils so shout out here's here's the statistic statistical analysis you ready uh he went you're still on sale i thought yeah through four touchdowns against the charges i look back it's like nope That's not what happened. Here's the statistical analysis.
You ready? Trinch is still on sale. I thought Duck threw four touchdowns against the Chargers.
I look back and I'm like, nope, that's not how it happened. Here's the sabermetrics on why you start Duck.
He didn't miss a single shot playing Big Buck Hunter at Dave & Buster's. That's true.
That's pretty fucking cool. That's true.
We still got to get Duck on. All right, before we get to the next game, dig into a fiesta of flavor with the new burrito bowls from Dunkin'.
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I didn't really care for it. Christian McCaffrey is fast.
It was just boring. And then Dory Jackson's also fast.
That's my analysis right there. I just named the two fastest players on the field for today's game, and that's really the only thing that you need to know.
I'm going to say something nice about the titans they kind of let you know pretty quickly if it's gonna be bad titans or good titans so you can sort of tune it out like you knew it was bad titans almost instantly ryan tannahill turns out when he can't do drives of seven yards and ten yards for touchdowns isn't that good so we got bad titans and there's really nothing worse than watching bad Titans. No, it's bad Titans, and as far as the Panthers go, really the only interesting storyline, besides Christian McCaffrey being really, really good, is Cam Newton's got a case of mystery foot.
An old-fashioned case of mystery foot, where it's hurt, but he doesn't need surgery, but they don't know how long it's going to take for him to stop hurting. This is every Cam Newton injury.
Yeah, so he's just going to have a case of a bad foot for a while. So Kyle Allen is probably not the future in North Carolina, but he's not terrible.
They're going to go like 7-9. They're going to go better than that.
These are two teams that are going to stick around in that graphic that they show that has the whole playoff picture on it. They're going to be in the hunt, just kind of hanging out, non-threatening, just kind of pissing you off, sticking around off to the side.
The Panthers are 5-3. They're going to go better than 7-9.
They might go to the playoffs. Fuck it.
They might go to the playoffs. In the NFC.
Yeah, because the Vikings are now... The Vikings are frauds.
There are frauds, agreed. The Packers, though.
Are the Packers frauds? We can get to them later. No, no, no.
They'll win the division. But I'm saying, like, if you look at it, that second wild card is going to come down to the Panthers, the Rams.
I'm giving the Seahawks a second wild card. Yeah.
So the Panthers, the Rams, and the Eagles. Eagles.
And the Vikings. and the Panthers, the Rams.
I'm giving the Seahawks a second wild card. So the Panthers, the Rams, and the Eagles.
Eagles. And the Vikings.
The Panthers could definitely be the best team of that group. That'd be something, wouldn't it? They could.
They absolutely could. And I'm sure they've got games against the Falcons left.
Probably play the Falcons. Has Dan Quinn been fired? No.
I was thinking that earlier today. What the fuck? I was like, he surely has been fired at some point this week.

How?

But he hasn't.

I just realized.

I was like, oh, yeah, the Falcons didn't play this week.

I looked it up because I was like, they're on their bye week,

so they obviously made that move last Monday when I wasn't paying attention

at some point.

So Arthur Blank is just.

Arthur Blank might be dead.

He's playing the respect card a little too much.

The team respects Dan.

I respect Dan. He's a family man.
We have so much respect for him. Dude, he stinks.
Move on. We wanted to wait until November hit so that he and his family could get health coverage for the end of the month.
Yeah, we're trying to get his kids all the way up to the Christmas break. Shut up.
Just get them out of here. I can't believe he was fired.
You know what? I would say it's worse for Dan Quinn to have spent this past week just sitting by his telephone. Being like, all right.
Every time he gets, he's getting the phantom vibrations in his leg. Yeah.
Thinking that is game planning for like the next day. Yeah.
No, he probably hasn't even been game planning because he's like, there's no chance that I'm around next week. So tomorrow morning, he's going to go in the office and be like, holy fuck, I'm way behind on my week.
Yeah, that's exactly right. I would definitely rather have gotten fired than have to sit there all week being like, so when are they going to fire me? This kind of sucks.
The Panthers do have to play the Falcons two more times. So the Panthers might go to the playoffs.
And then Cam Newton will probably make it all about himself and try to take over the team back. Oh, wow.
Like in week 17. Listen to you.
I'm going to say it. I'll say it with his hieroglyphics Instagram stuff and all that.
I want to see him on the sidelines wearing his normal street clothes, though. All right.
So the Panthers have two games left against the Falcons and a game left against the Saints. So that's eight wins guaranteed.
They have eight wins. So they basically.
Wait, the Saints win is a guarantee? No, sorry. I didn't mean Saints.
Redskins. Sorry.
Okay. Yeah.
Falcons and Redskins. Sorry.
Sorry. Sorry.
I don't know why I say it. Saints is right before that.
So it's Falcons. Two against Falcons.
One against the Redskins. They have eight wins.
Just need to get one more. Okay.
Nine and seven could get you in there. All right.
Next up, we have the Bucs and the Seahawks. Oh, Jameis.
What a great game. I'm a james believer now shout out james one of one uh the the i almost a troll account nope the guy who has written a book a 400 page book about james winston who is accused of being jason light we mentioned on wednesday's show turns out he's not he's just a james believer he thinks james is going to be a Hall of Fame quarterback.
He has all the makings for it.

He has a bunch of advanced statistics that

no one... If you can just look up

a bunch of... Make up a bunch of

statistics. Look up a bunch of statistics

and just say them over and over.

You can beat anyone in an argument. That's what

this guy does. So I'm a Jameis believer.

Now, I've heard that the reason why this

guy is so all in on Jameis and is trying to

pump him up a little bit is because he's got a shitload of Jameis Winston rookie cards. That might be true, but it's also a Roni.
Which is a great, great way for him to try to pump up the value on those Don Russes or whatever the hell they are. Let's see if he had any fire Jameis tweets today talking about how awesome he was.
But yeah, Jameis, it was a classic Jameis game where it was like he showed everything good and then he fumbled and he actually did get hit by his own lineman. He did.
On the fumble? Yes, his elbow. I'm going to call it a self-strip sack.
He got hit by his lineman in the elbow, but that actually is just more proof that his hands are too small. It was an all-time Jameis Squinston game, too.
At the end of the game, when the Seahawks were attempting the winning field goal that eventually missed, and then at the first drive in overtime, he was just staring at the Jumbotron squinting. He does need contacts.
He has a prescription for glass. I've done some more digging on the whole Jameis Squinston narrative.
He does have a prescription for him he wears them when he's playing baseball but he doesn't like wearing them when he's playing football they just need to give jamis some fucking contacts that feel good or the rec specs and i guarantee you his stats will pop does jamis one of one have any eyeball takes oh we got some stats astigmatism stats no we have some stats um james wins what's a what's a and y slash a any yards any any average so i guess an 8.0 and y slash a is a very good game that most qb's win you need a very bad defense or bad luck to lose james winston is nine and nine when he has an 8.0 a ny slash a or better which is unreal narrowly missed adding it today he had a 7.8 and then it lists everyone's record when they have an 8.0 and it's like matt ryan's 23 and 7 kirk cousins is 25 and 4 russell wilson is 27 and 3 drew brees 23 and 6 tom brady 27 and 1 so basically jamis winston is the unluckiest quarterback of all time that's sad he's incredible and his team stinks that's what we've learned so he just he commits turnovers at the worst possible times just out of pure luck yes so okay that yeah you know what i'm gonna go ahead and buy it yeah i'm gonna buy it sounds like this is a good stat eight was it eight right and why yeah that's a lot of a and why Jameis had his 12th career loss when having a 100 plus QBR performance today and uh Russell Wilson has 10 Tom Brady has nine he plays well they lose he plays bad they lose okay all right damn I was hoping I'm a Jameis believer I want the Bears to get Jameis now I swear to god I would love that for that for you. I really do.
I think this guy, this fucking crazy guy, Jameis one of one, who has the book, his title of his book, Jameis Winston Derangement Syndrome, how the media causes us to overlook the start of a Hall of Fame NFL career. This guy has me convinced.
Uh-huh. I mean, the stats speak for themselves.
And also, Jameis is hilarious. That fumble was hilarious hilarious you would much rather have a guy like james winston than a boring quarter james winston will never throw for one yard and a half no no ever definitely maybe five maybe if you take into account the return yards on his interception then yes he would throw for one yard and a half right but he he will light it up and he'll just toss the ball up to your tallest receiver and he'll get at least 70 yards on one bomb like that.
But he's never going to play a boring half. No.
And you know what? Did you hear what he said after the game? He's an optimist, too. He was talking about the glass half full.
Optometrist? No, he has an optometrist. He needs an optometrist.
He has one that he ignores, but he is an optimist. He said, you might say that the glass is only half full of water, but I see the glass as being half full of water and half full of air.
Whoa. So, yeah.
Someone told him that quote. He invented nanobubbles.
Yeah, there it is. He reinvented nanobubbles.
Went in Seattle. Yeah.
Speaking of nanobubbles, so I threw out there the Kirk Cousins is the last guy You want to lead your team back In the fourth quarter I think Russell Wilson is number one now In the NFL He is the guy who if you're down in the fourth You want him to have the ball I would agree with that Hank is just staring daggers at me right now Hank, name one quarterback that could beat Russell Wilson when Russell Russell Wilson has the ball late in the fourth quarter in a big game. I'm not saying all time, Hank.
I'm saying right now at this present moment given they're like right now. For the listening audience, I have not done anything.
I'm just sitting here smiling. You went James Quinton on me.
It almost seems like someone's a little guilty and they know as they're saying it that they're purposely admitting someone that is actually better than them. But why else would you ask me? You started staring at me.
I'm looking at me. My seat is positioned to be looking at you.
For those of you at home who might not have Barstool Gold. I have no choice but to look at and I look at the person who's talking.
If PFT's talking, I quote-unquote stare, but I blink. You do stare.
And then when you talk, I stare. All right, well, Russell Wilson has five.
You know what you do, Hank? You know what you do? You do the dog head tilt, like when your dog is confused about something. When we mention a stat that could possibly go up against Tom Brady, you hit us with the, huh? Is the garage door open? What is that? Is that the can opener? Human.
What is that? What is that thing that's going off right now? I don't know. I think Russell Wilson's unreal, though.
He's unreal. And everything he does with his feet and then, you know, the throws.
He's got a great touch. He's got a great touch.
He throws a pillow soft. A pillow soft ball.
The ball drops from the heavens. It's so awesome.
Like it was released from the clouds. It's so's so awesome to watch he had five touchdowns today I think that was his fifth comeback uh fourth quarter comeback this just this season he's got 30 total I think that's what the stat says it's insane I have a take about Chris Carson who I like I like Chris Carson the running back on the Seattle Seahawks I think he's very good but he is the best running back in NFL that sucks.
That will drive you insane. He's the greatest who sucks because he fumbles.
I think Leonard Fournette might be in that category too now. Okay, well it's a suck off between the two of them.
No, I agree with you. That gets more stats though.
But he sucks too. I don't know.
Chris Carson's been getting stats for the last two years. It's just that he sucks yeah he's really good but he sucks he

fumbles the ball like so frequently um he's got terrible terrible ball security but then other

times he'll have excellent balls he's just i don't know he's schizophrenic i like him a lot

but he sucks that's my stat on chris carson thank you okay that's a fair stat i and i i actually i

agree with you i think he's in the running i don't i'd have to do a list of guys that suck

that are good that are also good yeah but yeah he's definitely on that list somewhere um with you. I think he's in the running.
I'd have to do a list of guys that suck. That are good.
That are also good, yeah. But yeah, he's definitely on that list somewhere.
So Hank, you wouldn't take Russell Wilson in a fourth quarter drive? No. Okay.
That's fair. This was, I think.
Not. Was this a matchup of the oldest coaches? Got him.
That have ever faced each other? Fucking roasted you. Yes, it was.
Bruce Arians. Shockingly, carroll is older than bruce arians really not in the liver but yeah i've yeah pete carroll just he's you know what he just he's just very old but he ages well that's really what it is he's just a it's all that aging guy it's all that gum it keeps his cheek muscles nice and taut do you know pete car's a twin? Shut up.
Identical? Yeah, I think so.

That's amazing. I'm almost positive.

Yeah, I'm almost positive.

Back in my CrossFit days, there was a guy

at the CrossFit gym who

was the son of Pete Carroll's twin.

Sick brag that you did CrossFit. I did.

Yeah. And he looked kind of like

Pete Carroll. Maybe it was his twin

that was coaching in that Super Bowl when

Russell Wilson didn't complete a

fourth quarter comeback.

I might have made this up. Pete Carroll's old enough that his son

Thank you. What? Like Pete Carroll's twin brother's son should be older than you.
No. No, because he's twins.
If he had a twin brother, then his twin brother could be 34. If he had when he was 34.
Not all of us have babies when we're 34, Hank. I also might have made this up.
Some of us age like a fine wine until we're at a place in our professional and personal lives where we feel that it's time to squirt one out. All right.
I think I made this thing up. So we'll see.
Oh, yeah. No, I made it up.
He's an older brother. But he looks just like him.
You made up that he had a twin? Yeah. You can't do that to me.
Well, I remember me wrong. I think what happened was when I saw the picture of Pete Carroll's brother, I was like, damn, they look like twins.
So, yeah, that's fair by me, right? I don't know. You can't invent a twin out of thin air.
Could you imagine if he had a twin? That would have been so cool. It would be great.
Just to see him standing behind him on the sidelines. That would be like the fish market and Pete Carroll as a twin.
Yeah, exactly. Coming out of commercials.
Speaking of the fish market, how cool would that have been if they had gone to Pike Place and they were throwing Dugan-esque crab legs and just had Jameis Winston intercept one and run out of the market with it? I would have liked that. That would have been pretty fun.
Yes, absolutely. One of those Sunday Night Football graphics over the Monday Or the Monday Night ones Yes Yes I can't find a fucking picture Of Pete Carroll's brother Who I think is his twin How is this not I think you fantasize That Pete Carroll has a twin brother Which is kind of a cool thing I would love it if Andy Reid Had an identical twin How cool would that be You know like that picture You always see Of Mike Tomlin With his twin on the sidelines Yes Yes.
Look at this young picture of Pete Carroll I found. That's funny.
That's fucking funny. He's a good-looking dude.
Pete Carroll. He's giving off some, like, Jay Leno vibes in that one.
Yeah, Pete Carroll. Pete Carroll is a good-looking dude.
I think Pete Carroll is a very good-looking dude. Okay.
Let's go to our next game. So, yeah, the Seahawks, good job, Bucs.
Although, we should say, if you bet on the B the Bucs that's an all-time loss if you had plus four and you basically hung tough the entire game and then get the dreaded overtime touchdown the missed field goal you thought that you were good I bet on the Seahawks so this was a lucky win oh man that sucks you should they should actually make it so that if you score a touchdown in overtime you just win by one You're just saying that because you lost. No, no, no.
I actually didn't have this one, but I'm saying that should be the fair way because you should never lose. If you have an underdog, you shouldn't lose in overtime.
I disagree because I had the other side, and so this is the outcome I was rooting for. So you got very lucky.
As long as you say ahead of that end-of-the-game drive yeah like i hope they miss the field goal so it goes in order if you declare that right and you know enough about gambling to look that far in advance then i think you're good okay uh next up we have lions raiders uh these are two other teams that are going to stick around in the hunt yeah matt stafford mvp season he actually had a good game the matt Matt Patricia coach defense. Oof.
Oof. That's what I did a little quick search for my Lions fan friends, Detroit Don.
And people are not happy with Matt Patricia's defense. Let's just say that.
Not happy at all. So you did a Twitter search for him? No, I just follow him on Twitter.
Okay, you just looked at what he was saying. So they're not happy? Matt Patricia has begun to struck me as a fake football guy.
He strikes me that way. Like, he, I think he, no, he loves real football guys.
Hank's giving me the head guess. Former Patriots defensive coordinator Matt Patricia.
I think he likes football guys and he aspires to be a football guy and he hangs out a lot around football. I put it this way so john gruden he lost his virginity thinking about the notre dame fight song correct matt patricia lost his virginity thinking about john gruden thinking about the notre dame fight song when he lost his virginity that's you guys what do you mean no we're football guys guys they like us i'm we're not saying that we're...
No, Hank, that's not us.

What you're describing about Patricia is not true A,

but B, you're saying that he's not a football guy.

He idolizes football guys.

Correct.

But he's not one.

No, but he wants...

Despite studying film and coaching a football team.

He's working very hard to become a football guy.

Big Cat and I aren't working

to become football guys. We're secure in our status

as football guys guys.

But a football guys guys

move sounds like thinking of John Gruden

thinking about Notre Dame.

I like to think about

John Gruden thinking about Notre Dame

while he's having sex, but I would not

think about him having sex

while I'm having sex. Got it.
Interesting. I gotta be honest, you guys, I'm still looking for Pete Carroll's twin.
It's fucking driving me insane. If Pete Carroll doesn't have a twin...
I just did a search, too, and... I can't find his twin.
I'm just gonna say that he has a twin. All right, fine.
We'll move on. Pete Carroll has a twin.
Do you care to weigh in on what Matt Patricia thinks about when he's nutting. I don't know.
Did you find a picture?

That's not.

Okay, that's David Bowie.

I'm going to Google that.

Jim Carroll.

All right.

I'm sorry.

I'm back on track.

I'm back on track.

I'm sorry.

I got sidetracked.

Pete Carroll's twin just totally took my brain away.

I think it was Jim Carroll like David Bowie's.

I don't know.

I made this whole thing up.

My brain is so melting from age. I typed in Pete Carroll's brother, and then it said Jim Carroll like David Bowie's? I don't know.
I made this whole thing up. My brain is so melting from age.

I typed in Pete Carroll, brother, and then it said Jim Carroll.

I clicked Jim Carroll, and it's just pictures of David Bowie.

That's a wild wormhole you got.

I'm not kidding.

Okay, so Matt Patricia, what was the question?

What does he think about when he jerks off?

No.

You're wandering in pretty late to this conversation.

Hey, guys, what's up? The core of this conversation that we're having is whether or not Matt Patricia thought about John Gruden nutting the first time that he had sex. No.
Okay. Agree to disagree.
Is Matt Patricia a football guy? He is, but he's got to get more results.

I don't know.

I think if you don't win and your unit looks bad,

but you also do the whole... They're in the hunt.

They've been robbed by the referees.

That's true.

You do the whole Belichick ripoff thing that he's doing. He's like grumpy and dresses like shit and all this stuff.
I think it's bad. I think you'd probably be doing that anyways.
But yes, I agree with you. I think that's bad.
I think you have to have results to be a true bonafide football guy. Otherwise, it's like he's basically...
Matt Patricia is like... He's basically like I play a football guy on TV.
Yes. That's what he is.
Yes, exactly. You know what? You know what? Oh, look.
You know what my red flag – Return tables. We are now going after one of your guys.
Yeah, Hank, you know what my red flag was? It's your guys. After that game against the Packers that they got – that the refs technically won.
Yes. The Packers did.
I'll admit that. They had a good season.
As an owner, we did not win that game. But I don't reading a single story about matt patricia sitting down at his computer and cutting together a dvd of all the missed calls and then mailing said dv to the league office and that would be a football guy response to getting absolutely hosed by the officials and he didn't do it actually be a basketball guy response and you just foreshadowed an interview that's coming later in the week but no i disagree okay okay hey we don't kind of get mad about it all i know is what a basketball coach is not what no football coaches do that all the time the lions suck right now on defense matt stafford is i need to start a matt stafford one of one book the derangement syndrome because he's been playing out of his mind on the other side john gruden and Derek Carr are kind of back together they're like about to make it official because I looked high and low and John Gruden did not compliment Matt Stafford after the game at all he has complimented him in the past but not after the game so I think there and and John or sorryrick carr was like this is just what good coaching looks like he played really well and the raiders there's something about the black hole it's such a fucking shame that they're leaving oakland john gruden gave everyone a hug after the game it's the first time they've played there since like week two and the raiders if you want to talk about teams that are going to be in the hunt I'm looking

at it though Raiders are in the hunt the Raiders going to be hanging around in the hunt because in the AFC if you look at the AFC picture right now it's the Patriots at the Bills the Ravens whoever's going to win the AFC South and the Chiefs and that last spot has like six teams that are vying for it the The Steelers are vying for it. The Colts, the Jaguars, the Titans, the Raiders, the Chargers are back in the mix.
It's actually going to be as bad as the AFC has seemed this year because it's the Patriots kind of running away with it. The AFC going down the stretch is going to have some fun games trying to get that last spot.
Yeah, I think next week we'll probably see John Gruden talk a lot about Phillip Rivers, though. Yeah.
He's going to have a lot of really good stuff to say about him. Well, that's just respect.
It was awesome seeing that graphic for the first time in the hunt. Somehow, every single network got together and agreed that the terminology they would use is in the hunt.
You're in the hunt. And when that graphic shows up, that's like the first real bit of autumn it's like autumn's here the apple pie is in the air it's about to be cornucopias it's about to be snowflakes on the score bug dropping down yes it's just about to get real it's about to get real and um by the way i did write this down so matt patricia i don't know this is actually more of a daryl bevel thing but gallad Galladay and Marvin Jones weren't on the field for their fourth down play.
How is that possible? That's not good. They threw it to, like, the third tight end.
I don't understand how that's possible. That's such a lion's way to lose.
And I really think Matt Stafford's playing so well this year that he deserves better than what's happening with their team, basically, week in and week out. I just did a search for the ESPN playoff simulator.
It's too early for that. I got a little over my skis with that.
Too early, but I found a playoff predictor one where you can go ahead and do everything that the ESPN app does. And the first thing that pops up is just a button that says, I'm confused that you can click on.
Immediately hammered that, just having nothing to do with the website. I'm just'm just I if you've listened to this show we are very confused about a lot of things right now yes mostly Pete Carroll's twin yes Pete Carroll's twin um I I think I might have made up the whole thing I'm really I'm really starting to doubt my own brain uh all right Browns Broncos it's over for the Browns This has been a disaster of a season.
I don't know. It's been worse than their worst.
Like, if you were a Browns fan sitting there in August and you said to yourself, what's the worst-case scenario? I think this might be worse because Odell Beckham looks like he doesn't want to be there. The defense is bad, which the defense should have been good.
They were just not tackling guys. Baker's taking a step back.
Freddie Kitchens is an absolute joke of a head coach. So, what do you do? What do you do if you do the Browns? You've got to fire Freddie.
You have to be one and done his face because i kind of i like him as a person uh but he's in way over his head i think we said last week you just need to demote him and tell him he still has his job and he's just the offensive coordinator i think you'd be fine with that yeah you'd totally be like you'd be like you're right i i bit off more than i could chew on this one five trips to the red zone one touchdown freddy kitchens had the not only the coordinator face but he also had the rosy cheeks because it was a little cold in Denver. Looked even dumber than usual.
And he does have that body. Every time I see him, his body just kind of goes out further and further from his cheek.
It just doesn't stop expanding from the bottom of his jaw. Looks like he's just always wearing a muumuu.
Yes. I think what he needs to start doing is rocking the utility belt on the outside of the sweatshirt.
Because it's a problem when it's just that taupe color that he was wearing for Salute to Service Month. The hoodie that goes into the same color pants.
Yes. This was a bad jersey game, by the way.
Awful. The fact that no one wore whites was so weird.
and just both having that orange-brown mix.

Browns request, too.

Shepter tweeted it was at the Browns request for them to wear those jerseys.

Well, and then they almost kicked out for wearing the cleats.

What was that, by the way?

Odell was wearing Joker shoes in the first half,

and then Jarvis was wearing shoes that were a non-regulation shade of orange.

I've been a big Odell fan. I think he's so talented.
But man, when you're bad and you're wearing Joker shoes. Yeah.
Literally clown shoes. Yeah, you're a clown.
He's wearing clown shoes. If you're a Browns fan, how can you deal with that? Clown-tonio Browns.
Well, that's like gaining one yard in the first half. They're the Clown-land Browns.
Clown-land Browns. There it is.
At least Browns are used to it. Yeah, but they had hopes this year, which was tough.
They always have hopes. Expectations are the worst.
Yeah, but they usually don't really have hopes. It's so much better to live life without expectations.
Usually they're just like, if we win six games, that'd be kind of cool, I guess. Yeah.
Now it's like, if we win six games, it sucks. You think Bears fans or Browns fans had higher hopes going into the year? Bears.
Yeah. Oh, no, you're going into this year? Well, this year, Browns fans.
Realistic? Like, Browns fans, Browns hopes were somewhat unrealistic because they hadn't done it. Bears won the NFC North last year, but expectations are the worst.
Because if the Bears had just sucked last year and they sucked again this year, I've been through many bad Bears years. You just kind of just sit there and just take it.
You just fucking get punched in the face over and over, and eventually your face is so numb you don't give a fuck. It's when you get the sucker punch that you didn't see coming.
That's when it really hurts. Agreed.
Yeah. But shout out to jermaine whitehead because after the game he kind of did a little misdirection oh no one's gonna be talking about the browns and freddy kitchens and how poorly we played today because he is uh suspended from twitter for threatening to shoot multiple people oh after the game allegedly some people were saying that he got hacked but it being hacked would be a very convenient excuse for this because I think one of the guys was like a journalist and then there were some other people that were responding to him.
He was like, show up at the Browns facility and I will shoot you. So this is a full dumpster fire for the Browns.
I mean, if you're a Browns fan, I would almost take that. It's like, yes, please.
And they're going to have winnable games down the stretch, and it's like it's a dumpster fire. You see baker after the game we're still baker guys yeah shave three times he shaved three times today three times hoping that it would it would change something actually and then after the game great move by baker colin cowher's gonna say it's a clown move i think you have to just keep changing it's like it's basically baker did what what any fan would do change their position on the couch try to get the mojo right yeah and you know what if i could grow facial hair like that i'll just say i would probably shave a lot too i would switch it up change my some cool my mustache around it looks awesome also he looks so sad the fact that we're talking about him shaving he drew a lot of attention to movember and men's health and so if you don't like baker you like cancer yeah and you know what he inspired me to do i'm doing a self a self exam on my testicle right now do that you don't have to do this and i don't am cancer free but he said he might have saved my life and if he could just save one life because he shaved his mustache today then good on you we talked about um let me check my other testicle while you're talking we talked to see don't do that we talked about Mike Vrabel's wet mustache when he's standing in the rain.
Baker's sad mustache. Man, when you have a sad mustache, it's just so, so, so much significantly sadder.
I mean, I've had a sad mustache many times. There's something about it.
It's a built-in frown. And so everyone just looks at it and they're're like, damn, that guy's really sad.
I think it's the difference between, like, if you're just sad without a mustache, you're just a sad guy. If you're sad with a mustache, you look like your wife left you, your house is underwater, your kids hate you, your job sucks.
It's the whole, like, this guy's life. You're playing on the Cleveland Browns.
Yeah, this guy's life has fallen fallen apart that's what a mustache looks like when you're sad yeah and it's tough that he did all like the gq and modeling pictures in the preseason because now they're getting compared like oh preseason browns current browns yeah he memed himself the tiger you never want to meme yourself uh-huh and the clothes that he was wearing after the game they're like uh somebodyed them to home alone like the robbers and home alone i think he looked like the pringles man if he was on board the titanic and he was standing up there behind the microphone and he was just he did look sad it's sad yeah it's sad um and then the brown or the sorry the broncos now we're just going to convince ourselves that was the first first time ever that three players with the same surname won as a quarterback.

Allen's all one.

Kyle Allen, Josh Allen, Brandon Allen.

There's nothing better than the guy starting a game who shouldn't be starting a game

and the shots to his family in the crowd.

And they have shitty seats because he's getting paid nothing, and they're just going nuts on every single play. That's the peak.
That's the peak of family. That really is Roger Goodell's football is family.
Yeah. There it is.
But here's something that you can look at if you're a Broncos fan or if you're a Browns fan and you want to spend on yourself into thinking things aren't that bad, the Broncos defense is actually very

very good right now. The Browns defense

is number third ranked

in DVOA.

Broncos or Browns? The Broncos.

The Broncos. I'm saying if you're the Browns

you can take some solace in knowing that

it was a very good defense that beat you.

You can't take solace in anything.

And it was also Brandon Allen that beat you.

You stink Browns. I also have a theory about

John Elway, a new theory about him. Obviously he

does try to tank Allen that beat you. You stink.
You stink rounds. I also have a theory about John Elway, a new theory about him.
Obviously, he does try to tank games by hiring shitty quarterbacks to be his starters. His emergency quarterbacks, his third stringers, are always just guys that are his friends.
They're like sons. So it's like Jim Kelly's kid or nephew, and then just Brandon Allen, Or not Brandon Allen.
Brett Rippon is their third string quarterback. Their second string right now.
I think John always just like, hey, if you need a favor, I'll put your kid on the practice squad. No problem.
I like that. I like that.
So we need to get some more sons out there. I don't know who else is quarterbacking right now.
There's got to be a Kosar kid out there. Yeah.
You'd imagine there's at least one Kosar. There's probably a McCown that's about ready to make it to the NFL.
Yeah, they're right there. Oh, Arch Manning is going to be really good.
Yeah, so John Elway will not draft him. He's a freshman.
He's winning games and everything. It's crazy.
The Packers Chargers. I will stand here right now and say, I fucked up.

What?

What Hank?

I fucked up.

I'm not shaking my head at you.

I'm shaking my head at the Packers.

Yeah.

Well,

guess what?

I have the reason why I didn't do my research.

They were in the can't lose parlay.

They lost.

Guess what?

This is from historic Packers Twitter account.

The Packers have now lost their last six games on the weekend of daylight savings.

Wow.

Wow.

I love that. that that is crazy how is that even possible i don't know remind us next year someone needs to remind us the packers do not do time change well that is fucking weird yes i see that's the thing i would expect for andy reed to be a staff right but it was actually the packers so mike mccarthy kind of looks like yeah he does he yeah his brain comes from the andy reed tree fat people in general don't deal well with change as someone myself like, like, we don't do change well.
You got to keep everything. The bag of chips needs to be in the same spot in the kitchen.
I would think that that would be something that would fuck up Philip Rivers, too. Yeah.
With all the kids. They get up early.
No. They don't know that the clock changes.
Yeah. Kids don't have the internal clocks.
I don't think that's true. They five.
Yo, kids definitely wake up early. No on daylight savings.
Like I think most kids have, I think you get an answer. What time do you get it? Search that.
When do you get your internal clock? So kids where, well, he's got like a wide variety of ages of children. I also think he probably sleeping at a hotel the night before.
That's a good point. Yeah.
Did you see the kid that was at the podium with Phil Pur after the game? Ball security. Yeah, he was holding him like a football.
Was it Jack that was asking if that was his kid? Because he was like, you got a new kid out of nowhere? He always has a new kid. I think that there's something to that.
I think Phillip Rivers is like a firehouse where if you have a kid that you don't want, you can just drop him off with Phillip Rivers and he has to take him legally. He lives on a river.
No questions asked. He moses yeah is that moses just put your kid in a little uh a little bassinet and just and put him in the river and when it gets to philip's house yes ends at philip rivers house so the packers were terrible um it's a reminder when bosa and ingram are doing their thing that they're unstoppable aaron rogers shaved he did did.
He shaved before the game. He looked totally different.

And holy shit.

I'll say it.

Trouble in paradise is Matt LaFleur.

Did they get into an argument afterwards?

And they must have.

They probably had 184 yards.

Total offense.

Wouldn't let him sling it today.

184 yards.

I have a question for you, big cat.

Yeah.

What is the name of the Chargers home stadium?

Seeky?

No.

What is it? Dignity Health.

Oh, nice. Dignity Health Park.

Nobody knows. No.

It used to be, but then it changed its name.

It changed its name.

What is it? Dignity Health.

Two things that don't describe the

Chargers franchise and their players. Or the health care system in America.
That's true. That's true.
Get deep. Stick to sports.
Stick to sports. So, yeah.
And this also is a sign that the best way to get better is to just fire someone. Because Ken Wisenhunt got fired and Phil Rivers looked like a new man.
Who's their offensive coordinator now? Do we know? Who cares? Doesn't matter. Yeah, Phil Rivers.
It's not Cousin Hunt. Phil Rivers with a twig in a sandbox.
That's who's their offensive coordinator. Just drawing some weird shit up.
He could do it. Yeah, the Packers' offense looked weird.
It must be daylight saving time. Nope, it's Matt LaFleur and Aaron Rodgers hitting each other.
They're doing a verbal meme. It took a while, but

they finally hate each other and I'm finally right

verbal meme Matt LaFleur

and Matt LaFleur's

family as the two older ladies

that are cry screaming and then

Aaron Rodgers as the cat

that's hissing at him. Okay.

Yeah, I like the

this is this

Aaron Rodgers MVP campaign done finished it is. I don't know about that.
This is Aaron Rodgers MVP campaign done. Finished.
It is. I don't know about that.
Yeah, it is. I think Aaron Rodgers.
Russ Wilson, Deshaun Watson, Matt Stafford, Lamar Jackson. Sorry, Aaron.
Try again next year. Probably not.
I was just happy the Packers lost. Everyone in the NFC North lost this week.
And every home team won. Every home team won.
Except the Jaguars didn't win. They were the home team in England.
Correct. But every home team in their home stadium won.
Which, Hank, good thing you got off those money lines. Right? I would assume they were, although there was a couple road favorites.
So, yeah. The Browns were a road favorite.
Wait, so tomorrow that means that we're betting on whom? Is that the Cowboys? The Giants. The Giants.
Okay, we're betting on the Giants tomorrow. The Giants are at home.
Okay, let's get to who's back and our football guy of the week. PFT, you got an ad for us real quick? Yes, I do.
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Okay, let's get to who's back of the week. Hank, who's back of the week? Darkness.
I believe anything, God love. The darkness.
I didn't know that you were a fan of darkness. Yeah.
Are you going to get sad? Are you going to get seasonal affective disorder, Hank? Oh, you need the sun, you move to California, you soft little bitch. That was a little mean.
That was really mean. Seasonal affective disorder affects many people, Big Cat, and it's not something to make light of.
Get it? People that say, like, it's just, I just, I've never understood it. I've lived in the Northeast my whole life.
I've never understood it. But the winter is miserable.
When it gets dark at fucking five o'clock, I almost didn't even come in today. It was like, oh.
You're so sad. It's so dark already.
It's work over. Do I need to come in? It's already dark at 5 o'clock.
I agree. There's nothing worse.
There's nothing worse than driving to work. I don't give a fuck.
I don't remember it now, I guess, but still. Who cares? Driving to work in the dark, and then when you leave work later in the dark.
You can't do a chore if you leave work and it's already dark out. You have to go home.
You can't stop at the grocery store.

You can find trouble.

You can't go to the gym.

It's night out.

You can find trouble.

Human beings.

Yeah, you're out on the street getting into knife fights at 545 p.m.

Look at you.

You're frowning right now.

Suck it up.

Oh, it's because the Patriots lost.

Just cut them some slack.

Suck it up, man.

Who cares?

It gets dark every year.

It does the same thing.

It is God's way of telling you not to leave your house.

Yeah.

It's more just what it means when it's coming.

Winter.

And then you know what comes?

March Madness.

You're skipping an entire season.

That's the calendar by Big Cat.

You're skipping an entire season of gray trash snow that piles up at the corners.

Winter happens.

Then March Madness happens.

Yes. That's it.
All right. Is that it? Anything else? Yeah.
You're so sad. Yeah, you are kind of bummed out.
Damn, you're bumming me out. That's not fair.
Hank, do you need a hug? Don't put your sadness on me. Well, I guess those Moneyline dogs didn't hit.
I'm going to give Hank the biggest hug ever after this show is over. Remember, he touched his ball sack during the show.
No, not. It was outside my sweatpants, though.
He was masturbating while we were doing the show. It was outside the sweatpants.
And I'll have you know that I was performing a very important medical procedure, and I saved my own life. You should do one, too.
Yes. All right.
My Who's Back of the Week is Urban Meyer week is urban meyer rumors and more specifically just coaching search season is back because willie taggart got the axe at florida state and now people are speculating that they're going to throw a bag at urban meyer who's waiting patiently for the usc job or the notre dame job to open up shout out alex horny brook for getting willie taggart fired oh is that what happened i mean he was he was very bad against miami so so now what we're seeing is like a program that's in complete disarray and the delusions of the fan base thinking who they're going to get for their next head coach the best and i've seen rumors thrown out there i've seen nick saban's name mentioned yep uh i've seen urban myers name mentioned i've actually seen jim leonard's name mentioned a couple times jim leonard is going to get a job somewhere i Dan Mullen's name mentioned, so it's like Dan is going to leave the job at the University of Florida to go to Florida State for some reason. I don't really get that one, but go off, King.
And Lane Kiffin season. Yeah.
Lane Kiffin. You should get hired.
You should. What do you got? I just have a quick explain to Hank regarding buyouts that I don't fully understand, but I know it's like one of those things that can do boosters.
Is that like a booster, like a group text chain or email where it's like... No, they literally just...
So from what I've heard and understand... Yes.
You throw in... Like, that's what I'm saying.
So it's like a group text of like one millionaire being like, hey, you got five mil? Like, hey... No, there's a bunch of...
No, I don't think they have a group text because they're so rich and they don't like... No, they just basically...
basically. How do you get $20 million together? They call.
They call on old school phones. And someone that has that much money is just like, I'll give you $5 million.
No, yes, sometimes more. If you are a booster, if you are a coach and one guy who doesn't like you wants you out and he will cut the check, you could be out.
I think the majority of these deals are put together in either a country club on a golf course or in like a steakhouse, like a back table at a steakhouse. They actually are the rich guys.
You know what they probably do? They probably do credit card roulette to see who's going to do this buyout. Yeah.
They all just put their Amex blacks in a hat. Someone needs to probably someone on the athletics going is going to do this, but how, if we do hit a recession, what the recession will do to buyouts.
Because if the rich guys lose money, they're not going to buy out, so every coach is safe. So you want to be a coach.
Coaching is the only job that's recession-proof. What is that in funeral homes? Funeral homes because more people die.
It's actually the business you want to be in right funeral homes and coaching i've also heard recession that makeup salesperson yeah because you want to look better if you feel like shit yeah that's it if you're sad because it gets dark at five you're sad yeah um okay my i don't like that i don't like the seasonal effective hank shaming it happens every time would every time. Were you stunned that it happened?

No, but I will say, like, I was...

You're really sad.

I was a little shocked.

Now I'm going to be made fun of.

You are going pretty hard.

Well, because it's ridiculous.

People need the sun.

We're just like plants.

We need that vitamin D.

You think you're tougher than the sun, Big Cat?

Get one of those fucking... The fucking sun? Sunlight things.
Ooh, we should get a sun lamp. Actually, speaking of recession, when I was working in real estate, and the whole world went to shit, and in 2008, one of my bosses got one, and he was like, yeah, I was just looking to get some sun.
It's like, dude, it's probably because of fucking real estate.

I'm making nine times less money, but I got this kick-ass sun. But I got this fake sun that I put on my face.

I agree.

It's like coaching, makeup, funeral homes, probably like missile salesperson.

Yeah.

Because we tend to start worse.

You get us out of recessions.

Yes.

Those are the industries you want to be in.

That's it.

All right.

My who's back at two

marathoners are back.

We had the New York

Marathon today.

God damn.

Are they annoying?

Yeah.

That's pretty much it.

I watched for like 10 minutes

in between the London game

and you went outside.

No, no.

Oh, on TV.

Really?

It was on like CBS

or Fox or whatever.

I don't know.

Okay.

I was watching.

They did.

It was great.

I flipped to it and they cut to one of the interviewers where the interviewer was running. So she couldn't even really catch her breath.
Like a horse after the Kentucky Derby. I saw that one video where the dog was running.
That was cool. Could you imagine running for fucking five hours and then having a dog run, and everyone's like, damn, that dog's awesome.
I think that dog was even just lost. I don't think it was in the marathon.
It was just like, that's the course of its normal day. Everyone's like damn that dog's awesome i think that dog was even just lost i don't think it was in the marathon it was just like that's the course of its normal day everyone was like that dog is so cool all you idiots who ran you just can't ever be cool as cool as this dog shout out des linden though recurring guest apartment she finished in i think sixth place uh no no we don't we don't associate with losers sixth place she won sixth place no she was actually a great guest uh and then my other who's back is business decisions because draymond hurt his hurt his finger hurt his finger when everyone on the warriors got hurt and all of a sudden he's not gonna play uh for a while as well did you see the warriors starting lineup the other night here Here's the names.
Kai Bowman. Jordan Poole.
Glenn Robinson III. Eric Pascal.
Willie Cauley-Stein. That's their starting five.
Damn. Life comes at.
Verbal meme. Warriors with Kevin Durant and Steph Curry and Klay Thompson and Draymond Green, and it's a picture of Baker Mayfield in August.

Warriors with Kaiboum and Jordan Poole, et cetera, et cetera,

and it's a picture of Sad Baker with his mustache.

Is it time for Steve Kerr to have a back injury?

Hmm, interesting.

It might be.

Now's the time to take a break until Curry comes back.

He learned from the best.

Another verbal meme.

Just a picture of the roster.

Record scratch.

You're probably wondering how I got here right now. I can't say I'm not happy.
Are you happy? I'm happy. You can't say you're not happy.
That means that you are saying that you are happy. I'm happy.
You're very happy. I am happy.
I'm pretty happy, too. It's pretty awesome.
It's happy. Listen, we had enough Warriors.
Which finger was it for Draymond Green? That makes a makes a difference The middle finger It was his gouging finger No he was He was giving the middle finger To Kevin Durant When he was on first take Was he really Yeah that was it And then he heard it He just gave it The whole time Kevin Durant Come on the podcast Hank I texted him Hank texted him You texted your boy Kevin Durant He his number. Where'd you get it from? K'Nex.
Did he text you back? Nope. Did he like...
I texted him. That's a nope.
I texted him. I was like, yo, it's the baby back bitch, so I won't come up to you.
Come on the pod. We're right near MSG.
And then six hours later, I liked the message just in case. That's thirsty, Hank.
That is so thirsty. Yeah, sometimes yeah but the thing is it works sometimes when people text me and they like it and I like I'll forget it and then I'll see the like a big oh my bad yeah Liam does that to me when I ignore him when he asked me to do stuff right which is I was like big cat should I like it and he was like well when Liam does it's annoying but I usually respond so I was like all right let's see what happens still't answer.
So he left you on red. Maybe I'll hit him with an exclamation point tomorrow.

Kevin Durant, shout out Kevin Durant because you have played this so well.

You've made us look like absolute bitches.

And he goes on first take.

He goes on everything.

Yeah, everything.

Serge Ibaka's show.

Everything.

Did you actually text him or did you hit him with the Instagram DM?

No, I actually texted him.

Because according to Broussard, it's the same thing.

No, we've texted him in multiple platforms. Because I've DMed him too.
Yeah. He's actually more responsive on Instagram.
Yes, but he's... But a direct text is nothing.
All right, let's get to Football Guy of the Week. I have one question, so I just saw this earlier, but I don't know if this is a football guy moves or what your opinion on this is.
Dan Mullen's wife kisses every player on the lips after they get off the bus of the game. I like that too, yeah.
Is there something wrong with that? That's great because she probably is like, Dan, you know that I do this with every player. This is because I'm like their mom.
And it's like, but you seem to be really enjoying it. Definitely call her Miss and then whatever her first name is.
Yeah. Yeah.
Miss Linda. Yeah.
Yeah. All right.
So, football guy of the week. We've got a good week this week.
Vote for it at Pardon My Take. First up, Bill's head coach, Sean McDermott, for being asked what he was for Halloween and responding, a football coach.
Fact. That is so great because football guys have no sense of humor.
No, they don't get dressed up for anything. Why would they get dressed up? Halloween might be their least favorite holiday.
They probably, I mean, they eat like it's Halloween every day anyway. They sustain themselves on like a couple milk duds spread out over the course of the day.
Correct. All right, Liberty, QB, Buckshot, Calvert for being named Buckshot, Calvert.
Yeah. And balling out.
So, yeah. You have to become a football player if your name is Buckshot.
Yes, you absolutely do. You can't be a nerd.
Yes, you absolutely do. We had Florida head coach Dan Mullen, so should we do both of those for letting his wife cuck him with his team? But that's all in the name.
A strong recruiting technique, too. Right.
It's like you get to make out with my wife. Right.
All in a single file line. Yeah.
For free. So shout out to him because he's literally a cuck for wins.
Yeah. I'm looking at the picture right now.
This is an absurd thing that happens. I think we got to give it to him.
Miss Megan continues her tradition of kissing every game. Miss Megan, come on.
Miss Megan, I like it. Both of her arms around a player's head, and she's got in the player.
And he's like, get out of here. Miss Megan, I love it.
Oh, my God. She definitely, too, when they do the spring game, she's like, well, you know I do it for every game.
It's like, honey, it's a spring game. She's just been savoring that taste.
Like, I got to do it. I got to do it.
You know I have to kiss every single guy on this team. All right, so Dan mullen for that which would you rather have would you would you rather get paid to be a player at one of these big time schools or to be allowed to make out with your coach's wife because if i'm mad at my coach the ultimate thing is like well guess what i'm gonna go i'm gonna go put my tongue in your wife's mouth after practice hey guess what saturday morning coming quick coach mullen yeah i'm gonna be making out with Miss Megan in no time.
I'm just going to go put my tongue in your wife's mouth after practice. Hey, guess what? Saturday morning coming quick, Coach Mullen.
I'm going to be making out with Ms. Megan in no time.
I'm just going to be tapping my wrist on my invisible watch at practice every time he makes me run a sprint. Yeah, do you think if he has some guy who should be a starter and he benches him, that guy goes really – maybe does it dip with Ms.
Megan? He's like, I got you. Do the World War II soldier at the parade with Ms.
Megan? Yeah, right. So Dan that's better than turnover change.
Dan Mullen for for allowing himself to be a cock for wins. And also he said he learned to multiply by sevens by before learning any other numbers so he could learn how to count touchdowns.
There's no way this is true. Yeah.
We'll just go with the Miss Megan thing. Dan Mullen for being a willing and able cuck.
All right. And then last, Drew Brees for his awesome pregame speech to Purdue, who then beat Nebraska.
I got to say, I'm done making fun of Nebraska. It's sad.
Like, I'm done. It's not even fun anymore.
I feel bad for Nebraska fans. I genuinely feel bad for the people who are diehard Cornhusker fans and listen to this podcast.
This is me coming in peace. There are no more jokes.
I feel bad. It is tough.
I thought this was going to be the year, too, for him. I thought it was going to be the year.
Yeah. Because Scott Frost is a fucking awesome coach.
I thought he was.

Because the hype machine got behind a 4-8 team and ranked them in the top 25.

Insane.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

So that's Football Guy of the Week.

Vote for it.

Vote for it.

Football Guy of the Week.

Yeah, pardon my take.

PFT, last ad before we finish up the show.

Do you have one more ad?

I have one more ad.

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The little nerdy doctor was like, no, this guy can't fight anymore. Nate Diaz was like, no, I have not yet begun to fight.
And I take his side on this because the fight was. Did you just give him an accent of weird.
Did you just give him an accent? I have not yet begun to fight. Okay.
That's for Nate Diaz. Okay, got it.
That was a regular accent for Nate Diaz. But I take his side because the fight was for the baddest motherfucker.
Excuse me, baddest mother effer. Freaker.
They couldn't say the F word on the broadcast team. But the baddest motherfucker belt is what they were fighting for.
You need to have a bad motherfucker doctor. A special one brought.
You need to have basically Jack Kevorkian brought in to be the official doctor

for the BMF belt because

you can't disqualify for that you're not

a bad motherfucker you have the kid who

kept on getting arrested for pretending he was a doctor

boom there you go 16 year old

yes who just kept on saying he was a doctor

he should have been the doctor or just James Franco

from 127 hours yeah

slice his arm off so

the big question is and

it was a good card except for that ending early.

The other co-main event wasn't great, but there were some really good knockouts.

The big question is, can the Mecca handle the UFC?

Because there was some word on the street that that fight doesn't get stopped in Vegas. And New York isn't really used to MMA the way that Vegas is.
And that fight got stopped too early because the Mecca can't handle UFC. Well, I would say after years of having the Knicks play there, they've probably seen a lot worse.
Correct. They've probably seen a lot more ugly.
And the most recent big fight was

the Tyson Fury fight in Vegas when his eye

basically fell off and he continued

fighting. Would have been stopped in New York.
That's an interesting

take on it. I did

like the prelim between the

Black Beast and the guy from Bulgaria.

The dude that had the hole in his sternum

from when he got stabbed in his heart.

I thought it was a belly button. Everyone was like, dude, he got

stabbed. He got stabbed.
So he got into a

bar fight in Bulgaria.

Stabbed in the heart. I thought it was a belly button.
Everyone's like, dude, he got stabbed. He got stabbed.
So he got into a bar fight in Bulgaria, stabbed in the heart. He pulled the blade out of his chest, walked outside, hailed a cab, got in the cab, went to the hospital, checked himself in, and then basically passed out for three months.
And that's the guy you think you can knock out. And he was in Kimbo Slice videos back in the day, which is like the ultimate street cred.
Like one of the original Kimbo Slice videos. Backyard? Yeah.
Damn. If I see a man that has a stab wound on his heart and I have to fight him, I'm out.
See ya. No, no thank you.
He had such a fucking iron jaw too. He was just taking haymakes.
Fat UFC guys are the best. They're the best.
He was bored with how hard he was getting hit. Yeah.
He was bored during a UFC fight that he was losing. They're the best.
So, yeah, it was a good card. Shouldn't have stopped the Nate Diaz fight.
That sucked. But, yeah, overall good card.
Last up we have parade math. The Washington Nationals had a parade.
Yep, on Saturday. And what was the math? They had a parade.
It was the biggest assembly of people in the history of Washington, D.C. No chance.
Forget about the aerial photography that shows that the Capitals had more people at the parade. This had more people than the Capitals parade.
You saw fake news photography. The Million Man March? I don't know about that.
I haven't looked at the satellite imagery yet. So you just made it up.
I just know that it was as big as the Capitals. One of the most synergetic championships celebrations between teams that I've seen.
District of Champions. Congrats for that.
They should have done it on a Saturday, though. That was stupid.
Yeah, the worst part about parades on a Saturday is that when you go to them, you're not missing work. On that end, everyone's watching college football.
I don't care. Yeah, that you need to if you have a parade during the weekday that's all that's on espn during the weekday and so everyone talks about it and the clips go viral i didn't even realize they were having a parade yeah plus then you get like a note from the mayor saying i give you permission to miss work today some may say if you have a parade on a college football saturday did you even win a championship i would say that those people are probably right I don't think so yeah they're probably right we did have the trophy that we were carrying out that I hate that stupid trophy it's so dumb it is a dumb dumb trophy so so dumb will you like it yeah we talked about this you liked it I like I've always liked the world Series trophy.
Call me a baseball purist. You just love it.
You're what is it? Seamhead? Seamhead. Stish head.
All right, that's our show. We got some big guests coming up this week.
We have the fan favorite John Rothstein to preview some college basketball. Some Hall of Famers.
Some Hall of Famers coming up. Yep.
Multiple Hall of Famers as well. Hall of Famers this week.
Hall of Famers. Who's that? Who's that, Hank? Hall of Shamer.
Wednesday? Who would that be? Wednesday. We don't have any interviews on Wednesday, Hank.
Hall of Shamer on Wednesday. Hank, this Patriots loss is driving you insane.
I feel like it was a person that got shamed pretty hard. What? Oh, we're not going to run that Wednesday, are we? Oh, okay.
Nope. A future guest is in the Hall of Shame.
Yes, he is. Hall of Fame and Hall of Shame.
And then Megan Mullin, if you want to call him on the show, maybe Wednesday, hang out with us and walk us in and out of the studio. Yep.
That might be cool, too. I'm sure you're going to win football.
I bet you we could. If we told Dan Mullin, we're like, hey, we will be Florida boosters, like not in the money sense, but in the like, hey, we're going to boost you up.
He would fly Miss Megan up here and she would smooch us before every single podcast. And it wouldn't even go past that.
No, it wouldn't. It went, we would not get to the second.
Nope. Right.
Right. As I walk in the studio, have a good show.
Yeah. And then a smooch afterwards on the way out to a little book into the show.
Guess what? I love you guys. Yeah.
Check your testicles. Talking away

I don't know

what I'm to say

I'll say it anyway

Today's another

day to find you

shying away

I'll be coming for your

lover, Kate

Take on

me

Take

me

Thank you. Coming for your lover.
We're the thunder. Lightning and the thunder.
Thunder, thunder.

Thunder.

Needless to say.

I'm all the sentence.

But I'm being still a little way.

Slowly learning that life is okay Say up to me It's better to be safe than sorry Take on me Take me on I'll be gone. In a day of tears.
Take me on. Take on me.

Take me on. I'll be gone in a deep.
Thank you.