NFL Week 8, Fastest 2 Minutes, And The Nats Are Cursed

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On today's Pardon My Take, football. Week 8.
We recap all of Week 8. We talk about every single game.
We have fastest two minutes. I'm gonna get mad about the Bears.
PFT's gonna cry about the Nationals because he jinxed them. Big cry.
Not a jinx. Yeah, you jinxed them.
Not a jinx. They've scored three runs since he popped champagne.
It was actually a beer bottle, but it looked like a championship champagne. We'll get to all of that.
And we have a ton to do. Football guy of the week who's back of the week.
And a very special Monday reading that is actually a Monday reading of the Pardon My Take text chain. It's an original.
Yeah. What's cooler than talking about your Slack channel? Talking about your text chain.
Before we get to all that, we're going to get right back to the show. Auto insurance can all seem the same until it comes time to use it so don't get stuck paying more for less coverage switch to usa auto insurance and you could start saving money in no time get a quote today restrictions apply all right back to part of my take okay let's go.
And then I can't name all of the sun. Oh, no.
We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue. And then we'll take it higher.
Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue. Part of My Take.
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Today is Monday, October 28th, week 8. The Ocho.
I'm going to do one from really far back. What?

We start in London where Sir Sean Connery mcveigh was committed to pounding the rock todd brown sugar how come you taste so good just like a young girl he should had a score but the story of the day was the rams taking a big drink from their cooper cup just one drink and the bengal secondary falls down drunk speaking Speaking of the Bengals' defense, in a touching tribute to British dentistry, they decided to play the game with no tea. The Rams ramble on to another win and turn the Jimmy Page from their three-game losing streak as they Robert Plant themselves back into the NFC title race.
What can I say, Teej? I'm a Zeppelin guy. Rams 24, Bengals 10.
We go down to A-Town for Halloween where Pete Scarrell met his former protege, Dan Quint, who is going to need a bigger boat because he's going down with his ship. Matt Shub dressed up as slutty Matt Ryan, but the Falcons were too drunk to win this lost-to-party as their outfits weren't offensive enough.
DK Met Cafeteria is open for business as the rookie was looking like a snack. Much like Hotel California and Arthur Blank's Ghost Hotel, you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave as Coach Dan Quinn still hasn't been fired yet.
Seahawks 27, Falcons 20. Some spread.
Out in western New York, the Kiko Alonzo blowjob bowl as the eagles and bills square up carson wednesday got over the hump as drake and josh allen said hug me brother after a tough loss for the bills miles sanders i have a feeling teed and i screwed that up because i never watched the show and all the young guys in the studio are laughing at this old boom. You're Swam.
Miles Sanders was running faster than Sonic chasing rings while the Buffalo secondary tailed him into the end zone. Debbie does.
Dallas Goddard took on six football players at once to score and Alshon Jeffrey Epstein isn't going to leave you hanging Eagles fans as Philadelphia's season was saved in Buffalo. Eagles 31, Bills 13.
In Chicago, where Hitch Trubisky couldn't set his best friends up to score, David Montgomery Burns was egg-cellent. But he's going to need a quadruple his budget if he wants to block out all of Philip Rivers' sons.
The game came down to the last kick, where Eddie Mucho Pinero wasn't money enough, as the Chicago upright looked more like the Washington Post as the ball drifted so far left. Democracy dies in darkness, but the Bears were murdered in broad daylight.
The Chicago Bears are back. To being the door, Matt Nagy of the NFC North.
Charger 17, 16 in detroit where daniel went into the lion's den in golden showers tate looked more pissed off than pissed on as the giants primary receiver looked more like number two than number one kenny what you doing nothing chilling at the galladay inn had two touchdowns and akon bark, let me smack that, but was ultimately locked up

with only 64 yards on the ground.

Looks like Frat Shermer will be going through

another hell week after a loss,

pledging to get this one right,

but he'll have to settle for chugging tears

as the Lions' safety miles is the only one

to get to kill a broom.

Lions 31, the G-Men.

26.

The New York football judge. Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Gardner Minshewed up the runway and made a rough landing for the Jets down at Duval as Sam Benedict Arnold looked like he was playing for both sides and seeing ghosts in A.J.
Poo-Yay And Miles Jack-O-Lantern. Jack Lambo

number five said, a little bit

of field goals, all I need. A little

bit of kickoffs, yes indeed.

A little bit of extra points, here I am.

I'm glad we got guard nerves

at a Sam.

The Jets season is off the rails and they

might need to break glass in case of emergency

while Doug Carl Marone

mailed in this answer on whether

Nick Foles will return to start after

the bye. They're jagging off in Duval as the Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jacks in the road Jaguars are back, back, back, back, back, back to 500.
Jaguars 27, Jets 15. In H-Town where the Raiders met the Texans in a touching tribute to my longtime colleague Dick Dick Vitale.
Deshaun Watson using only one good eye, almost daring fell down, before pulling off the touchdown of the week to put the Texans ahead late. Uh, hey, JJ, what do you bench? The Texan phenom tore his pectoral muscle, unfortunately ending his season, and making it so everyone in America can bench press more than him for the next six months.
The Raiders, thought to be real, have turned into a Josh Jacob Wohl conspiracy theory. Someone check Gruden's back for sex scars.
Texans 27, Raiders 24. Standing on a corner, Jameis Winston, Tampa, Florida Such a fine sight to see

He's throwing picks, my lord

Putting balls on the floor

Getting his ass kicked by Tennessee

He's playing risky

Like he's drunk on whiskey

He's the NFC South version of Mitch Trubisky. We finished in New England, where the story of the day was a Patriots defense led by Lawrence Gaifieri, who was in the backfield of Freddy Kitchens all afternoon, leading to three turnovers on three possessions.
Holy moly, Stromboli. On the other side of the ball, the Patriots offense was filled with diners, drive-ins, and clock-killing drives as Sonny Kornheiser Michel put the Browns to bed early.
Nick the Trouble Space Telescope sometimes makes plays out of this world, but he doesn't quite look like a star just yet. Finally, this is where we mention Julian Edelman so he doesn't get mad at us for leaving him out of the fastest two minutes after scoring two touchdowns.
Good job, Julian. We'll drink your thirst trap milkshake any day of the week.
Patriots 27, bronze 13. All right.
Week eight, almost in the books. Who could forget we have the Steelers and the Dolphins.
So funny watching ESPN try to promo that all Saturday long. So week eight, if you watch this full game, Roger Goodell should show up to your house and give you a firm handshake.
Yes, yes. Thank you, sir.
You are one of the few, the proud, and I'm going to watch the whole game. But week eight, almost in the books, a crazy Sunday.
We will start, as we always do, with the Sunday night game and then go back to the one o'clock. So Andy Reid versus the clock.
Uh-huh. A tale is all this time.
We meet again. Old foes.
The Spartans and the Persians. I don't understand people versus the sun.
How Andy Reid can know so much about football and be an actual genius when it comes to like offensive football and being one of the best coaches of all time yeah he hasn't won a super bowl but if you're talking about consistency and what he's done in the nfl it's remarkable and his coaching tree all that he does not know how time works he doesn't know what a clock is like we said he measures time and units of meat so he was about like three sirloin strips behind on it,

especially like towards the end of the first half.

Well, did you see the end of the game, though?

The end of the game is where he made the, like,

when he punted it away.

No, not even that.

So the punt was...

I didn't like the punt.

I don't love the punt, but I understand it's five minutes.

You're like, okay, my defense maybe can get one stop, right?

I don't like it.

His name is Dustin Colquitt, not Dustin Persevere.

1.5 boots.

Okay.

I think that it's one of those calls when you punt with five and a half minutes left. You're like, all right, maybe go for it.
But I can understand. Like I said, you basically have enough time where if you just get one stop, you get the ball back.
With two minutes and 51 seconds left, the Packers ran a play and they the play ended and it was 241 left and andy reed called the timeout if he doesn't call a timeout there

the packers have to run another play before the two minute warning instead he calls a timeout

and they basically get a free play because then it cuts 40 seconds off the clock and he just doesn't

understand these things it's incredible to watch i don't understand how a coach that good cannot. How has he just not hired a clock guy? He's just a clock guy.
He just needs one person. Flavor, flavor.
Yeah, exactly. Hire a rapper with a clock around his neck just to scream in your ear.
Take away all clock responsibilities from Andy Reid. Listen, I think he did a pretty good job getting Matt Moore ready for this game.
Matt Moore looked serviceable. Credit to Matt Moore.
He played better than I think a lot of people expected. Aaron Rodgers, like we said on Friday, I think is getting to that point where he's going to go on a little bit of a fuck you tour because he was making throws and also running.
You know when Aaron Rodgers is feeling good is when he actually runs for first downs because he's been hampered by so many injuries the last two years that he won't have that in his game. He's got that in his game right now, and it's really fucking hard to stop.
He was cutting back instead of going out of bounds. He was enjoying running in the open field all day today.
He's also got a really good running back right now. The Packers have learned from their mistakes.
They're no longer using wide receivers as running backs.

Now they're using running backs as wide receivers and really tearing it up.

So Aaron Jones had 159 yards, two touchdowns receiving,

essentially working like a running back that happens to catch passes

that travel like two yards in the backfield.

But yeah, Green Bay is a really good team.

We had a little disagreement. I think that Aaron Rodgers absolutely meant to throw that touchdown pass where he looked away and then kind of hurled it over his shoulder.
That was similar to the Russell Wilson. He's basically throwing it to the absolute back end of the end zone to be like it's either going to be out of bounds or maybe someone makes a miraculous catch.
So it's not as much. I mean, of course, I don't think he was planning like, okay, this guy's here right now.
make it to him i think he's just like i know exactly where i'm gonna throw it and if someone can get it they can get it it was a great catch um yeah the packers are good whatever it's fine matt lafleur uh has a team that is not they basically break rules did you see the fumble leSean McCoy's fumbled then the entire team came and celebrated in the end zone. That's unruly.
It's against the rules. He does not have his.
They should have been flagged. Yes.
His team is undisciplined. Actually, Hank bet the Chiefs, so he was calling for not only a flag, but the special kind of flag that caused the turnover with the flag.
Yes. The one where discounts would just happen on the field.
That's how unsportsmanlike they were. It was so unsportsmanlike.

Yeah, they were dancing, they were celebrating.

And then at the end of the game, Jimmy Graham blocked for the first time

after the final whistle and then got into a fight,

and they threw a flag.

That was awesome when the referees were keeping both teams off the field,

even though the game was already over,

just to get a little bit more time in the sun.

And then we got Aaron Rodgers again putting on the Southern accent in his post-game interview. He's such a loser.
I love that. I love the Southern accent.
He's such a loser. It's great.
Don't talk about my quarterback. Oh, stop with every team.
Stop. Stop.
I own the Packers. Yeah, stop.
No, you don't. Beg your pardon? Goldfish does.
I also own the Packers, though. The Goldfish does.
I was sold another share. Oh, you do?

Yeah.

Also, by the fact that Larry owns the Packers and we own Larry.

Yeah, you also own the Packers.

We're all owners.

Larry owns the Packers.

We all own the Packers.

You own the Packers.

Larry could keep us out of it at any moment.

By transit.

He could basically say, you guys don't own the Packers.

I wrote Larry's will, and we're all in it, so we all have control of the Packers.

How's Larry doing, by the way?

He got three and two this week. Positive week.
That's a fucking bum. We give him everything.
He's got a nice new tank, all that shit. Okay, let's go to the...
3-2 is good. Yeah, okay, that's fine.
3-2 is good. He's making money.
Let's go to the 1 o'clock games. First up, we have the Seahawks and the Falcons, a.k.a.
Pete Carroll taking mercy on Dan Quinn, because that's the only explanation for what happened in the second half. The Seahaw were up 24 nothing rolling and they basically I'm pretty sure Pete Carroll said I'm not going to embarrass Dan Quinn I'm going to make this at least reasonable let the Falcons even cover the spread yes so that job with the garbage time maybe Arthur Blank will let him keep his job for a couple more weeks which by the way the way, an update.
Arthur Blank had a Jerry Jones-esque press conference, you know, just standing in a hallway with a bunch of people around him. He said there's no immediate plans.
And he said players love Dan Quinn. Yeah.
Well, that's him. Gotta remember that.
That's him saying, I'm going to fire his ass, but I'm not going to feel great about it. Yeah.
Like, other people love him. I want to say for the record that there are many people in this building not named arthur blank that love dan quinn i think he actually might even keep him i actually think he might just keep him for the rest of the year and then do the really teary like we have to fire him and it breaks my heart and uh i don't want to do this because how has he not been fired already they're waiting for it is the bye week yeah he should have already.
He'll be fired. If he's not fired tomorrow morning, then it's just stupid.

Then they're going to wait until what?

The second part of the bye week?

Now, who else is on that staff right now?

Who do we have penciled in as an interim?

Because that's one of my favorite parts of the season once we get into the thick of interim head coach season.

See, Falcons coaching staff.

Let's see.

What's his name?

Dan Campbell's on there.

Dan Campbell, maybe. Let's see.
We've got Thomas Dimitrov will probably just decide to coach the team. I don't know if we have anyone good.
No one good. Yeah, I'm not seeing anyone good at all here.
Oh, Dirk Cutter. The return of Dirk Cutter.
Okay, thank God. Mike Malarkey.
Okay, so we have two former head coaches on staff. So one of those guys is going to get it.
Malarkey, yeah. His middle name is basically Interim.
Yeah, he's going to get it for sure. So it's going to be it malarkey yeah his middle name is basically interim yeah he's he's gonna get it for sure so it's gonna be mike malarkey speaking of interim husbands do you think that russell wilson visited future the night before the game that's gotta be awkward that was he live in atlanta i think he does yeah he probably got the hell out of town after the game i'll tell you that much yeah no there's no chance that was i've got i've got a little stat that i'm keeping my eye on here or like kind of it's more of an overall trend in the NFL okay because we are on the verge of a Matt apocalypse so for a long time the NFL was blessed to have numerous mats as starting quarterbacks we had a plethora an abundance of mats we had uh Matt Schaub Matt Ryan Matt Stafford Matt Moore Matt Barkley Matt Castle this feels like this, Matt Moore, Matt Barkley, Matt Castle.

This year feels like the last hurrah for Mets as starting quarterbacks in the NFL.

They're starting to fade away pretty quickly.

There's a big come-up for Joshes.

There are a lot of Joshes coming through the ranks,

but this is like the last stand for Mets, I think.

Well, we still have Matt Stafford and Matt Ryan, and that's going to be for a while. They're not going anywhere.
Another like three years for Stafford, maybe two years for Stafford. Ooh, I think more.
You think so? Yeah, that's – we're going to get to him, but that's part of my Hall of Fame – Matt Stafford Hall of Fame take that I had a while ago. He's just going to keep racking up numbers.
So I see what you're saying. I think we still are a couple years off of losing all of the Matts.
They're an endangered species, right? We need to put a few mats in the breeding program and get that filled up. But it was great to see Matt Schaub again, an old friend.
It felt like maybe this was goodbye, 460 yards. The Falcons tweeting Matt Schaub time as he's a picture of him walking down the tunnel.
I don't know if that was supposed to be funny, but it was fucking hilarious. So credit to their social media team.
I think they were being funny. I think some social media teams are like, you know what? We just need to get engagement no matter how we get it.
Boom. So boom.
I think it's like it's the shot. I was not to the team.
It would have been like, oh, this is our quarterback. Oh, yeah, it's true.
It would have been nice. It would have been nice if he had thrown a pick six for old times.
That would have been great. It would have been nice.
Like, oh, this is our quarterback. Fuck it.
Yeah, it's true. It would have been nice.
It is not shop time. It would have been nice if he had thrown a pick six for old times.
That would have been great, wouldn't it? It would have felt like we really had him back. What was his streak? Was it five games in a row? It was something like that back in 2012, 2013.
It was amazing. That's something you'll tell your grandkids.
You'll just be like, hey, I was there. Joe DiMaggio type shit.
Yeah, I saw the Mick playing... Did Mick Mayer play center field? Right field? I don't know, whichever one.
I saw the Mick. I assume it was right field because that's close enough to the bleachers to get a blowjob underneath him.
Yeah, I saw the Mick out there. He was hungover, and he got out there, and he hit three home runs.
Yeah. And it was awesome.
Matt Schaub. I saw Matt Schaub.
Totally sober. Looked like he was hungover.
Totally sober. Throw five straight games and pick sixes.
It was awesome. All right.
So, Dan Quinn, yeah, we don't know what's going to happen. I mean, he's going to get fired.
I did. But Pete Carroll, thank you.
You're such a good friend. What a gentleman.
I did identify that he was chewing double bubble on the side. You cannot mistake it because it's a perfect cube of gum.
Yep. I caught it right when he put it in his mouth before he bit into it.
Yep. It's double bubble.
So confirmed so confirmed so and the seahawks i don't really i'm going to just assume that that was what p carroll was doing because if if he wasn't trying to be a good friend that's a baffling second half and they got they got problems because the falcons should not come back on anyone ever yeah uh their receivers are pretty good though they've got oh you mean julio jones no well no the Seahawks. Oh, I thought you were going to tell me about the Falcons receivers, and I was going to just fucking buy right back in.
Yeah. Julio Jones.
People have Calvin Ridley. Calvin Ridley's pretty good.
Stop me if you want to keep going. Also, Austin Hooper, really underrated tight end.
Yes. Yes.
That offense... Not going to trade him.
Along with Devontae Freeman, that offense could explode. Shut up.
Shut up. No, seriously.
Big Cat, listen to this. So, Matt Schaub, 460 yards passing this this week okay that's huge that's a huge week I do not want to hear about 10 catches 152 oh here's a fun stat you know that was the first time that Julio Jones has caught a pass from someone other than Matt Ryan in the NFL that is kind of crazy that is very fun I feel so bad for him I know uh all right Next up, Eagles, Bills.
Oh, Buffalo. We got some talking to do.
It was the wind. It was the wind.
First of all, it was like 40-mile-an-hour wind gusts. It's anybody's game at that point.
It doesn't favor the more talented team. It doesn't favor the guy who's got a rocket arm and can cut through the wind.
No. Okay.
So let's do this. If we were to say to say bad things about the bills which we're not going to because we are a bills mafia podcast through and through and we love the city of buffalo here is what we would say your team might be frauds but we're not i'm not we're not gonna say i'm not gonna say no we're not toss around the f word no no we're not sprinkling salt and pepper all over this i'm i think 50 i very specifically i was not going to do that i don't like around the F word.
No, no, no. We're not.
You're sprinkling salt and pepper all over this. I think.
50, I very specifically said I was not going to do that. I don't like hearing the F word.
I was saying if we were, some people might. Because that was a game that the Eagles were on the ropes.
And you should be able to take advantage of their defense. And your defense should be able to show up.
it didn't happen they got gashed in the second they did so maybe a one game blip how about this let's say a little bit of dr jekyll and mr mr hyde with the bills defense yeah this week the bad one whichever that's right i'm not a big reader so uh the hyde right no here's here's how i will spin it for bills fans because i to be nice to Bills fans because I love them. This is a classic case of a team in the NFL when you have a team that desperately needs a win and a team that might not need a win.
Bills sitting at 5-1 going into this game, 6-1 going into this game don't necessarily need the win desperately. The Eagles, they were playing for their season.
This was a game they needed needed to win especially with the whole orlando skander that's what i'm getting embarrassed by the cowboys so that's all that happened i think that when you have a player that that leaves your team and says stuff in the media like skander did this week i actually think that helps your team a lot like that's the nicest thing that skander could have done for the eagles is now lane john is not complaining about somebody showing up late to meetings. They're all unified as a team because they fucking hate Orlando Skandrick.
They said that after. They said that it actually unified.
Yeah, it was the nicest thing that he could have done for that team. So it kind of backfired in that situation.
So, yeah, they were a more motivated team. You're right.
I think that the defense is just, I don't know. Sometimes they look super impressive, and then other times they look like a middle-of-the-road defense.
Well, it was just weird. That Miles Sanders run was very odd because it feels like the Bills don't have those type of runs on them, especially this defense this year.
And then Jordan Howard had a really nice second half. I don't know.
It was just a weird game all around. So, yeah, the wind.

Yeah.

Also, it was the wind.

I'm looking at the NFC East right now.

I think the winner of that division is probably like 8-8, 9-7.

Well, there also is a Cowboys-Eagles game, I think, week 16,

that they're going to flex to Sunday night.

It's going to be another guarantee off?

Yeah.

Who guaranteed victory in this one?

True.

Last week, we had Doug Peterson guarantee victory.

Didn't Jerry Jones or like Ezekiel also guarantee? Yeah were like six guarantees getting thrown around back and forth. But yeah, again, the wind was the major.
The wind. So I bring up that Week 16 Cowboys-Eagles game and how it should be flexed Sunday night because this will be a segue to Chargers-Bears.
I've looked ahead and I'm trying to find ways to get the Bears flexed out of Sunday night football. Who are they playing? That was supposed to be Bears Chiefs, so I looked at the schedule and was like, how can the Bears not play in this game? How many graphics do you think are going to get brought up of that draft class? So that's where I'm at with the Bears season.
It's over. Who should I blast first? Who would you like me to blast? Just go in on Mitch Well, Mitch is what Mitch is Actually, no, no, I take that back Mitch, you're right, Mitch did not perform He is what he is Out of character, there's nothing out of character about what he did today I want to hear your take on Matt Nagy Because I have opinions on Matt Nagy Well he's he's he's a fucking clown right now okay and and Mitch is what he is he's not the guy I think we've all last week we moved on like mentally everyone was like okay this is official it's not gonna work out we're gonna move on maybe after this year whatever mentally Matt Nagy and his inability he I've never seen a coach call as many plays that do nothing, that look cool and do nothing, and he panics so much.
The Bears were inside the 10-yard line three times in the first half. They got three field goals.
That's inexcusable. He ran the ball on third and goal from the nine-yard line.
He mismanaged the clock, shouty reed you know coaching tree to to end the half so egregiously that bears fans and rightfully so everyone at soldier field booed the bears when they were winning at halftime do you know how hard it is to boo a team when they're winning at halftime fresh off a made field goal fresh off a made field goal you know how hard it is to make a field goal in Soldier Field? Because you fucked up the end of the half so, so bad. And then we're not even getting to the fact that you, at the end of the game, kneeled the ball instead of getting more yards with 50 seconds left because you were scared of a fumble? Scared of a fumble or an interception, whatever it might be.
Scared of a fumble? And then I think he was scared of his own clock mismanagement at the end of that half because if you just take a knee at least you're in control of everything and you know that you're not going to fuck up the timing at the end of it it was a cowardly move is what it was here's Matt Nagy gives a bad name to cowards I have I have the quotes here okay so the set the stage so if you missed the game which you probably didn't because everyone who listens to this podcast watches football but the bears had the ball they're driving which why just run the two-minute offense all game because every time they run the two-minute offense Mitch looks okay when when they run tempo it like actually kind of works and you actually you know it it works and credit to Matt Nagy he actually ran the ball today because he said I'm. I know we have to run the ball.
David Montgomery was awesome. But you get to the end of the game.
It's sitting there. It's going to be a 41-yard field goal.
There's 50 seconds left, and he kneels the ball. Loses a yard, kneels the ball instead of running or passing or whatever to get a few more yards and make it a true chip shot.
A 41-yarder is not a chip shot. Eddie a 33 yarder earlier in the game so matt nagy after the game when asked about it so the reporter asked can you walk us through your thought process and taking the knee before he said yeah i'm not even going to get into that first of all not bad attitude yep like dude handle the media okay you're you're you are the head coach of a football team in a major fucking market handle the media yeah i'm not even going to get into that i had zero thought of running the ball and taking the chance of fumbling the football zero thought zero thought to run a play that's smart coaching they know you're running the football so you lose three four yards okay stop you right there if they know you're running the football then how about pass the play action? Yeah.
How about run Mitch out, and he can throw it away if he needs to? How about do literally anything? Or how about the fact that if they know you're running the football, and you've totally dominated time possession, and your offensive line has been good all day, and you've run the football. Dave Montgomery had 135 yards.
No team in the history of teams has ever run the football when the defense knew they were running the football and gotten a few yards. Of course they have.
You should be able to get two yards. Run the fucking ball.
Yeah. Have some faith.
So he says, they know you're running the ball, so you lose three, four yards. So that wasn't even in our process as coaches to think about that.
We were in field goal range before the scramble, and then we got the scramble, so that didn't even cross my mind. No thoughts throwing it there either throw the football yeah he answered yeah just to get a little closer and he said throw the football right then and there what happens if you uh take a sack or there's a fumble the reporter the porter replied you lose the game and he replied that's right yeah exactly so no there was zero thought of that i'll just be brutally clear zero thought of throwing of throwing the football.
Zero thought of running the football. You understand me? That's exactly what it was.
It's simple as that. Get the fuck out of here, man.
It's a clown answer. No, he's terrified.
He's either, one, too much of a coward to get out of bed in the morning because you might twist your ankle. What he's saying is, like, why would I run the ball? When you run the ball, you might fumble it.
Why don't you pass the ball? Well, you could throw an interception or fumble the ball or take a sack. It's like, yeah, that's called playing offense.
Matt Nagy is afraid of playing offense now in the NFL. He's afraid of everything in the NFL.
I actually think that Matt Nagy has gone insane. I think that the double doink actually drove him insane last year.
He spent hours on end watching that play, committing it to memory every single second of it. He's bringing kickers in left and right, focusing on that one aspect of the game.
Now he's so terrified of anything ever bad happening in his entire life. He's agoraphobic.
That's that disorder that you have when you get afraid to leave your house because of all the bad shit that might happen to you because you're married to William H. Macy and you live in Detroit.
Yes. It's a bad, bad mindset that he's got right now.
And he does give a bad rap to cowards everywhere because at least cowards will run away. Well, here's what he is.
They won't just stay there standing still crapping themselves. PFT, here's what he is.
He's a cocky coward. And here's what he really is.
And this is going to hurt everyone, all my Bears fans, brethren, for listening to this, but it's going to hurt, and I'm going to say it, and it's going to fucking hurt, but I'm going to say it. Matt Nagy is just an arrogant, cocky Mark Trestman.
Get him, Skip. That's what he is.
That's what he is. He's a guy who thinks that he's smarter than he is and has overthought pretty much every big situation and guess what mitch trubisky's not the guy mitch trubisky made two huge turnovers in the fourth quarter that you cannot have he dropped the ball he threw a pick that looked like he had just started playing football but you know what mitch trubisky also is coached by matt nagy matt nagy was hired to make mitch Trubisky better, to have him progress.
That's failed. The team has failed.
So I don't know what he has to do to get rid of the vibes that are going on in his head or just have a come-to-Jesus situation because I would like to think that the Bears can at least fix this long-term and that Matt Nagy can fix this and become the coach that won Coach of the year last year and was promising for all Bears fans. But the guy this year, he stinks.
And I don't know if he's going to fix it because when you start fighting with the media, that seems like a panic move to me. Okay, so the egg tossing didn't work last week.
This week, burlap sack raises, dunk tank, petting zoo. Stop me once I hit a good idea here.
I'm just actually thinking. Three-legged race.
I just remembered, by the way. Yeah, get Greg Olson and do a three-legged race again.
One of those things you have to climb up, but they're really impossible to get to the top. Truss falls.
Oh, the rock wall? Is that what you're saying? No, they're like the little rope ladders. Dude, he's going to.
And you've got to run up it. Do a tough mudder.
Do a tough mudder this week. You know what he's going to do? On the field at Soldier Field.
He's going to bury a football and fucking win me back. He will.
That's all it takes, really. He knows that.
He knows the fastest way to win me back is bury a fucking football. You know what they should do? Dead serious.
They should take the goalposts from Soldier Field and bury those. Throw them in the lake.
All the doinks. Get them out of your system.
Throw them into Lake Michigan. Yep.
Light them on fire. Give them a Viking funeral.
Push them out into the middle of the lake and say, see ya. And then build new ones.
After I said that Mark Trestman thing, I just hurt myself even more because then I remembered that Mark Trestman, the big, like one of the big signs that Mark Trestman was an idiot was when he kicked on second down in overtime against the Vikings. And everyone's like, what the fuck are you doing? Because if you don't kick, you could fumble on second down.
You could take a stack. If you leave your house, you could get hit by a bus.
Yeah, exactly. If you run the football, you could fumble, which hadn't happened.
Guess what? Calm yourself, calm yourself, calm yourself. Do you know what had happened earlier in the game? No.
Eddie Pinheiro missed a field goal. Do you know what hadn't happened earlier in the game? What? A fumble by the offense, by a running back.

Yeah.

Okay?

Yeah.

So one thing had already happened and one thing hadn't.

And you said, well, the other thing could happen.

I guess statistically speaking, you're right.

It could because it was statistically due.

I'm just so sick of, like, his answers, all the plays that go nowhere.

This team had expectations. It's all over.
The season's over. It's over's over like i'm done it's it's just it's almost freeing in a weird way to not have expectations anymore yeah just be like it's nice it's over it's over yeah it's actually very very freeing the fact that the r words got their asses kicked on thursday and didn't even have to play today felt great it's such a waste of really such a good defense good defense, too.
That's the killer. That's the thing that just kills my soul.
And just be like, you had a defense that could take you places, and it's just all for not. And Allen Robinson, shout out Allen Robinson.
That guy deserves better. Do you think that Matt Nagy tires out his wide receivers and his running backs by making him do too much motion before the plays all the time? Man, what a shit show.
I think he probably does. We, P pft here's the meanest thing you can say the bears out charger the chargers yeah they did they found they found a weird chargers loss uh-huh the to the chargers they that's a loss that phil rivers takes and and they they somehow found a way to do it i think you just i think matt nagy isy either needs to be hypnotized to fix his entire brain or he just needs to go right off quietly into the sunset.
I don't know, man. I think that as far as brains go, his is not one that's meant to coach the NFL.
It's not healthy to hold in this anger either. I feel a little bit better now that I was able to say it all, but it's still like I don't feel do you think Sundays are just miserable now so so before the ending of that game I was thinking that there's a chance that Nagy would try to go out if they'd won this game Nagy would try to go out and get Matt Moore because they have that connection right together in Kansas City he's been like his career backup basically I thought that was a possibility has he they yeah for like a couple a couple years.
He was retired, though. He might have been.

Yeah.

So I was thinking that he might make a move like that.

Now, I don't even think that would help anything.

I don't think that the problem is Mitch anymore.

Well, here's the thing.

The Bears have no picks.

They have two second rounders.

Then they have like a fifth and a sixth.

So when you go all in, they're just going to get even less picks, even less guys that can be there and be good. It's just a shit show, and I'm frustrated.
I'm sad. More than anything, I'm sad.
I'm sad. Is it sad for you to give up hope? No, yeah.
No, it's sad because I thought the Bears were going to be good this year, and I last year was a building block to a new year and now it's like oh that could have just been the best bear season that you'll have in like a decade which is seems more likely than the alternative that this team will figure it out and suddenly get better and figure out a way to win with like how it's constructed right now yeahve me wrong. If you want to watch that

anger,

barstowgold.com.pmt

barstowgold.com.pmt

Check it out.

Let's move on to

Giants-Lions.

Another shitty coach, Pat Shermer.

You stink.

You are bad.

Not good.

Listen, the Detroit Lions, I'll call them a Dr. Jekyll Mr.
Hyde team too. Okay.
I think that the Detroit Lions might make the playoffs. PFT, I have something more for you than that.
Matt Stafford is going to start getting some MVP buzz. Have you looked at Matt Stafford's year? He has been phenomenal.
16 touchdowns, four interceptions. He is passing the ball deep and not making like the classic Matt Stafford mistakes.
I think he needs to at least, he's not going to win it because Detroit's probably not going to be good enough for him to win it because it's one of those awards that you have to be on a really good team. But he deserves to be in the short list.
If we're doing short lists like five, he should be on the five.

And he actually passed Joe Montana's passing yards for a career.

That's awesome.

That just shows how crazy the NFL has become.

I mean, he makes some throws that make you shake your head,

and you're like, holy shit, I can't believe that he just did that.

He's been awesome.

And then he makes some throws that are like, this belongs beneath the XFL. This is like AAF.

But he's been doing less of those this year than pretty much any other year.

And the Lions, I don't know.

I mean, it was good for the Lions that they came out and won this game

because this was kind of a test for them after losing to the Packers,

getting stolen from the Packers and losing to the Vikings.

So they passed the test that they still have life.

And we talked about the whole trading a team captain on Friday. But, yeah, the Lions, they are definitely one of those teams that there's going to be one of those teams that comes from nowhere, and they could be that come-from-nowhere team.
I'd like to take it back when I said I think they might make the playoffs. It's tough.
I want to rephrase that. This is is very important I think that they would be a team you wouldn't want to play in the playoffs but they won't make it I think that they could beat a playoff team yeah I don't think that they will based on that that one weird tie that they've got because of Matt Patricia's Andy Reid as clock management in week one correct but I think that they'll they'll probably finish maybe nine wins eight wins maybe yeah so there'll be a team that would be peaking at the right time, and if Roger Goodell had his way and it was an 18-game season, the Detroit Lions would make the playoffs.
I mean, I'm looking at their schedule right now. As long as the refs don't beat them again.
I see if you count them beating the Bears twice, which I will because I'm that down on the Bears now, even though they'll probably split that i see uh at least six more wins on their schedule so they'd be like in that nine yeah nine six and one nine six and one exactly so they would be the team that would be peaking at the right moment and they do have i'm going to also retroactively count that monday night game over my packers as a win it's a win that was a win Okay. So, so the lions.
Yeah. I seriously think Matt Stafford has been playing out of his mind and needs some credit for that.
And his face is looking thinner too. Have you noticed that? He is.
He is. He looks definitely thinner.
And Pat Shermer stinks. He does stink.
Because you know what's, you know what the worst thing that happened to Pat Shermer is he had to go to Daniel and then everyone got healthy. And it's like, wait, so the Giants actually do have weapons now? Like, they have Ingram and Golden Tate and Saquon Barkley, who Saquon Barkley is going to go down.
He scares me. He's going to go down in the Hall of Fame of awesome highlights for shitty teams.
Yes. Him and Barry Sanders.
Yeah, like he had a highlight today where he just manned up a defender, like full-on manned him up, and it was maybe an eight-yard run, and then they probably didn't score. I don't think he wears pads underneath his pants.
I think that's just his quads that pop through. There's no quadricep pad that he's rocking at any given time.
I think he would be one guy that if I tried to tackle i would probably break at least three bones just like just in any attempt at tackling him that i would make would result in some combination of three compound fractures on my body i think i wouldn't even try to tackle him i think i would just be like sir i'll just break a bone instead how much money would you pay to not have to tackle saquon barkley one-on-one three broken bones no but money yeah that money. Yeah, no, that's a lot of money.
Yeah. Out of your pocket right now.
I got it in the mail the other day that my health insurance lapsed. Yeah, it's tough.
I didn't think I... Your father.
I know. I forgot to fill out one of the forms.
Okay. Well, so your deductible is infinity then.
Yep. So that's a lot of money that I'd pay.
Because, yeah, you'd have pay a lot for three broken bones i think my uh my out-of-pocket max is about five grand or ten grand okay so i'd hit that so five to ten grand is what i would pay to not have to tackle damn what about you hank i don't know what you guys are talking about okay you're not listening that's fine no i don't know what my deductible is no i'm saying like i'm talking about like i don't i'm not like i don't know what a deductible is i'm pretty sure i have health insurance i just don't know what my deductible is. No, I'm saying like...
I'm talking about like... I'm not like...
You don't know what a deductible is. I'm pretty sure I have health insurance.
I just don't know what you guys are... I'll put it this way.
In reference to what you guys are saying, I'm not sure where I stand. By the way, if AOC was president, you would just line up right there and be like, fuck it, it's free.
No, he's a junior. It's free to tackle St.
Juan Barkley. Yeah.
By the way, shout out Hank. Definitely not high on Friday's episode.
Just forgot to do Larry's picks in the ads. But definitely not high.
I have them right here, though. Okay, good.
Yeah, yeah. They were ready.
Honestly, they were ready. And then it was like halfway through.
It was basically three and three quarters of the way through the first ad. And I hadn't said anything.
I didn't want to interrupt. And then I was like, fuck it.
Oh, yeah, yeah. I was already backed up.
You got your own head. I got paranoid.
Is everyone listening to me right now? I got paranoid. You guys want to hear something funny? What? So I held on to this secret as a prank.
I wasn't going to tell you on Friday. There wasn't any weed in those brownies.
Is that true? Yeah. That's a lie.
There was no weed in them. Then? Hank just tricked his own brain into thinking that he was high.
No, I told you I wasn't. But you guys were being defensive.
Who does that? I'm just fucking with you. I was going to say, I knew there was weed.
I was like, dude, that's a big problem. That would be a big red flag.
That would be bad. Yeah.
That would be bad. That's like a move that a cop does.
Yeah. What if I'd been a narc this entire time, deep undercover? That would have been the worst cop of all time.
You were high. Yes.
Yes. Okay.
For a second there, though, when Hank thought that he wasn't actually high, that was a cool face that you made. When Hank didn't think he was high and I thought you were a cop, the podcast almost sent it.
Bucks, Titans, Jameis. Jameis, Jameis, Jameis.
I fucking love you, Jameis. This was a very, very funny game from Jameis Winston.
Two picks. The interceptions were laugh out loud funny, both of them.
Three fumbles, two lost. And then it looked like his body just exploded a few times during the game.
Someone, we were watching the game at the office, and there's usually a big crowd, and we have DirecTV, so we get to watch every game. It's a pretty good, like, feel.
It's a fun time to watch the game with a bunch of people. And someone said that they remarked that it had to be roughing the passer because of the way Jameis fell.
And we're like, no, no, no. That's just how he falls.
He has no control of his body. He just flails everywhere all the time.
I think they said it was a flop, and I was like, no, no, that's not a flop. He can't control himself.
I think Jameis when he realizes that he's surely going to be tackled that there's no way out for him his body just unplugs. It's just like taking an appliance and pulling the plug out of the wall.
He just goes completely limp and whatever way that his body's momentum is carrying him at that time, it'll continue to do that but he won't do won't do anything else. And he'll just, like, fall on the ground with his arms splayed out.

And it's laugh out loud funny.

He's like a toddler, like, going to timeout and going, like, dead weight.

So you have to drag him.

Yeah.

He's like, okay, what is going on here?

Yeah.

Guy, get up.

Throw the football.

When he runs out of bounds, he leaves the field of play like Kramer enters

Seinfeld's apartment.

Yes.

He's all over the place. Here is the benefits to playing jamis winston you ready for this ryan tannahill you know where he is at all times so he's not robbing you yes that too that too although yeah yeah he can't call an uber while he's playing again true uh ryan tannahill first half two touchdowns tell me his yards and completions.
Ryan Tannehill, first half, two touchdowns. Tell me his yards and completions.
Ryan Tannehill had 75 yards. 37 yards.
Nice. The first time it's happened since 2000 that a player had two touchdowns and a half with under 50 yards.
He was three for seven. And PFT, when I looked back at it, he actually had a 26-yard pass completion that wasn't part of the touchdown drives.
He had touchdown drives. This is playing Jameis Winston.
Ryan Tannehill, his two touchdown drives in the first half. Tell me how long the drives were.
Well, I know that there was one fumble because the headline on ESPN.com earlier today said

Winston fumbles snap after ball bounces off helmet.

So I know that that was probably like a 15-yard drive.

So I'm going to say a total of 37 yards too.

Wrong.

How about less than half of that?

He had a 10-yard touchdown drive, which actually included also a five-yard penalty from the

Bucs.

So it was actually a five-yard touchdown drive and a six-yard touchdown drive. I mean, smart that's playing James Winston talk about good uh you know starting position Ryan Tannehill at the start of the game had two touchdowns for like 11 total yards he was like one for four for two for two for four for two that's amazing so the trick to maximizing Ryan Tannehill's efficiency at quarterback is to just not have him play quarterback like Kirk Cresence.
Right. It's also just very funny because you look at it and you're like, oh, Ryan Tannehill had a few touchdowns.
Nice little day. And then you realize that he basically started at the 10 and the six.
Credit to the Titans, D, though. They're good.
And we did have, we should at least mention that the refs blowing the whistle early fucked a team again. It did.
On that fake field goal from the Titans, they had the holder. They pulled the Nick Saban.
The holder ran with the ball, got clotheslined, got lit up. Smoked.
And very clearly fumbled the ball. The Buccaneers ran it back.
And no, no, it was blown dead. So not the thing that whistle yeah it's so stupid but it's it it still doesn't make up for the fact that the Bucs ran that play in the first half where they had their wide receiver tackle their running back yes true that wasn't good did he get credit for a tackle on that one because they did blow the play dead after he got lit up he got jacked up he got jacked by his own man uh there's got to be no better feeling if

you're like a big fat lineman to have the whistle get blown and knowing you don't have to run after someone for like 80 yards and put it on tape that's got to be the best feeling in the world yes like oh don't have to do that i thought i heard a whistle coach sorry i couldn't do it how about mike evans mike evans is just i'm just gonna say he's not it's not fair to be Mike Evans. If you're Mike Evans, you have to feel guilty knowing that you're so good because you are bigger than everybody.
You're stronger than everybody. You've got better hands than everybody.
It's almost not fair. We should do like an all shit team.
All shit team. It's basically it's Julio Jones.
Saquon Barkley. Saquon Barkley.
Mike Evans. Mike Evans.
Allen Robinson. AJ Green.
There's like all these guys that are just unbelievable talents. Lifetime Achievement Award to Larry Fitzgerald.
Stuck on just shit-ass teams. That sucks.
Yeah. It's got to suck to be that good and be on that bad of a team.
For some reason, though, Larry Fitzgerald seems like he's okay with it. Yeah, of course he is.
Because I think he's going to run for Senate in Arizona. He's just squatting on that.
Yeah, I'm squatting on that take. Future politician Larry Fitzgerald.
Yeah, no, it's got to suck. But although Mike Evans, in a weird way, Jameis is kind of a nice quarterback to have because he'll just throw a million jump balls to you.
That's true. So it's better to have Jameis Winston than Andy Dalton or Mitch Trubisky.
Okay, how about this? Did Mike Evans ruin Jameis Winston by being so good at catching 50-50 balls that Jameis, that's the only pass that he learned how to throw? Good question. It's a fair question.
Okay, so Titans are back in it. I don't really know what to make of them.
Again, their defense can keep them in every game. And they do the, you know, we'll try to run the ball a bunch of times.
And Ryan Tannehill, will he take a step forward? Look at his Fox score. It's time for the next step.
He won a game. He threw three touchdowns and no interception.
He was lighting it up today. He must have been driving right down the field.
Vrabel had a big-time body language game today. Every time the camera cut over to him, he was lined up almost in a three-point stance.
He had his hands kind of hovering over his knees, crouched over in athletic positions, so he wasn't putting his body weight on his knees. I love it.
But he was like a linebacker. He was just ready to go the entire time.
And I've noticed, Mike Vrabel, you do a very good job of cutting off the sleeves on your shirts, on his sweatshirts. I know you played for Belichick.
I know you have a lot of respect for him, but he's evolved the cutoff sweatshirt. He cuts his off at the perfect angle that nobody else does, where it makes his arms look huger because he cuts them off like right before the shoulder muscles start.
So it's a little trick that he uses to get jacked up. That is huge.
Good job, coach. He should just show up with one of those muscle shirts where it's like you can see the guy's nipples oh like a almost a mesh shirt yeah

on the sidelines no no the ones where they cut it you know like the real weightlifters they cut it so deep around their arms the deep sides on them yeah that goes down it goes down where you can see the boxers on the sidelines and then they're not wearing a shirt yeah you're not wearing a either that or just one of those shirts where it's just a cartoon of a strong guy's body that That would be classic gag.

In dick towel.

Okay, Broncos, Colts, PFT, Joe Flacco showed emotion. After the game, I've never seen Joe.
This was the equivalent of Joe, like on the sliding scale of Joe Flacco emotions. This is like a normal quarterback after a game murdering his own coach.
Correct. Like stabbing his own coach in the jugular with a ballpoint pin correct because he was saying some stuff about Matt about um uh Vic Fangio that was just I mean for normal people it's really not that bad he was like I'd like to be more aggressive at the end of a game we're not a good team I'd like to win games well but that for Joe Flacco is a lot that's saying something and guess what he was right yeah that's the that when Joe Flacco decides to I think he's saying something.
And guess what? He was right. Yes.
That's the, that when Joe Flacco decides to, I think he's back actually. I don't know about that.
Seeing this emotion out of Joe looked like he was young. He's still Joe Flacco has such a knack for like, you know how, um, Rogers and Brady and my homes will and Russell Wilson will feel the rush and like step out of it or sidestep it.
Joe Flacco feels the rush and walks into it. No one takes more sacks that are not there, but he makes them there, than Joe Flacco.
Jameis does. Jameis backs up.
But he runs around a little. He makes you work for it.
Jameis will twerk into a sack. Yeah.
Joe Flacco will run directly face first into a sack. He'll just do a perfect QB camp step into a sack every single time.
So, yeah, Joe Flacco was pissed. And rightfully so.
The Broncos, at the end of the game, they had the ball on the Colts' 43-yard line, third and five, and they ran the ball to burn the Colts' last time out instead of maybe trying to pick up that first down. You get that first down, you win the game.
And Joe Flacco is like, why are we not being aggressive? We're a bad team trying to win on the road. And he's absolutely right.
There's no reason. The only reason that Vic Fangio wouldn't go for it there is because Joe Flacco is his quarterback.
Right, but couldn't Joe call an audible? Yeah. But still, that's the only, that's the only problem.
Like, I think Joe still respects the chain of command where he is not allowed to call audibles. He's not allowed to call whatever play that he wants in that system.
John Elway has to make that call. It would have been nice for Joe to throw that in there though.
Be like, why are we calling this? This is absolute bullshit. We're a bad team.
We should take risks. But at the same time, I understand why he's nervous because i am the quarterback because i do suck and i fumble and that's a good point but you know what i'm saying when he was talking to the media after the game he looked 10 years younger oh yeah because he was showing that emotion he was like a puppy like an old dog that that now doesn't really leave the couch much going for like a nice little run around the living room just a little romp and i liked i liked what flacco had to say and you're right he was correct but also uh the colts defense is very very good yeah and uh adam vinatari shout out to adam vinatari for rope-a-doping the whole world because not only he this is a microcosm for his year so he started the year three for eight for extra points and field goals we thought he was going to retire since he's been 19 for 21 this game he misses an extra point to put the colts down by one so then he can be the hero and hit the 51 yard field goal and have everyone be like the goat so that was smart you basically said that's the old brett farve suck in the first half and so you can have a comeback and everyone can be like wow you're amazing andrew too.
Yes. And Indy.
I've been watching Jim Ursa this season. I've been paying close attention to him.
He hasn't really been talking that much. He doesn't really have as far as I can tell any day-to-day duties that he's been doing.
Oh! He's got the trivia. And also tell you whether the roof's open.
That's what I'm saying. I think his handlers, Jim Irsay's handlers, have told him, Jim, we have the most important job in the world for you that we need you to focus entirely on this year, and that is tweeting out whether or not the roof will be open for the game on Thursday.
I need you to focus on this and only this. And it's a brilliant way of keeping him out of trouble.
Yeah, and the trivia. And the trivia, yeah.
And the trivia. Abby, hat pick, Abby.
Where he killed Reggie Wayne a few weeks ago. Oh, really? You can't kill Marvin Harris.
Reggie Wayne was an answer. Maybe Marvin killed Reggie.
Yeah, Reggie Wayne was an answer, and he was trending, and everyone was like, that's, by the way, I'm done with that. That's a free, I've done it where I've seen someone trending and I've been like, oh my God, what happened to that person? People trend for no reason now.
So we need its own alert where it's like, this is a death trend. There should be a Twitter just for death.
It should be a different color. It should be like, there should be a box that says, this person died.
Every other trend, no death. This trend, death.
It should be like a... It's only night mode on that tweet yeah only death yeah and like a skull skull emojis well that would bleacher report would basically be the death twitter account but something needs to be done died again three times in this game james harden killed five people tonight uh there needs to be something i've got it to set it up so that i don't think the trending people are the people who are dead.
There's a little gif next to it, and it's the Undertaker gif, but it's in reverse. So it's him up, and then, boom, laying down into the grave.
Make a little funny about it. Yeah.
Yeah. Have a little lighthearted sense of humor about the death.
Yeah, I like that. But seriously, it's bullshit this keeps happening.
So Reggie Wayne, still alive. Still alive.

Danny DeVito was trending the other day.

And I was like, is he dead?

It's bullshit that you keep getting tricked by Twitter?

Is that what you're saying?

No, it's bullshit that, yeah.

It's bullshit when names trend not for death.

Got it.

So you want more death.

How am I supposed to know that Paul Rudd's got a new show?

I thought Paul Rudd died.

I just assume when a guy trends, he's either canceled or dead. New segment.
Let's see who's dead right now. Okay, let's see.
The following people died today, according to Twitter. Aaron Rodgers, dead.
Oh, that's unfortunate. Aaron Rodgers, dead.
Probably for paying off the refs again. Matt Moore, dead.
Andy Reid, dead. John Morant, dead.
No, see, the sports things see the sports things i understand like i would never obviously think that but when it's like a random actor that doesn't have anything coming out that you know of they trend you would obviously if danny devito starts trending on a saturday afternoon do you not think he died okay all right i agree that's the point of trends you're like oh what is this about you click you make one click and then you can find out i did hank but i also assumed he died but then there's then what there's also 20 people that are at the top of that trend saying is this dead dead yeah oh i thought he died so and they get free retweets and that's bullshit in its own right. All right.
Reverse Undertaker gift.

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You can't really make – I think at this point with the Colts, just take them against good teams. They're like a total we play to our competition type of team.
We'll find out a lot because they do play the Dolphins in a couple weeks. Yeah, they're going to take the Dolphins.
The Dolphins are going to cover the spread. Cover.
They're not going to win. Again, the Colts.
Correct. Correct.
Take the Dolphins. Okay, next up, Bengals Rams out in Wembley, which again.
The grass looked wonderful. Grass looked wonderful.
The stat I have for everyone, it's an unbelievable stat. Since 1950, Andy Dalton is the only quarterback to record both an 0-8 and an 8-0 record.
That is so Andy Dalton. That's beautiful, Andy.
That is so Andy Dalton. That's so nice.
I am actually shocked that he was able to accomplish either one of those things. Yeah.
It's incredible. It really is incredible.
That's so perfectly Andy Dalton that if you put everything right around him, he will be 8-0, and if you put nothing around him, he is the worst. Just take everything away from him.
I'm shocked at how bad the Bengals are this year. I'm really shocked.
I knew that they would be bad. I have a question for you, and you too, Hank.
Would you coach the Bengals for $500,000 a year? Yeah. You would coach the Bengals? Yeah.
I don't think that I would. I think it would suck.
That's crazy. I think it would suck ass to coach the Bengals.
You still get paid when you get fired, right yeah and also you if you no not guaranteed i'm making your contract if you coach if you coach the bangles once then you'll get hired somewhere else like the next day i'm talking in a vacuum yeah you would because i'll then i'll then get hired to be like a quality control assistant for someone or i'll go be nick saban's intern for 200 i don't get paid if i get fired i'm out yeah you don't get paid if you get fired, I'm out. Yeah, you don't get paid if you get fired.

Out.

I think it would... Well, you're not going to get fired because it's Cincinnati.

They don't fire anyone.

Marvin Lewis coached there for, what, 13 years?

It'd be pretty sick to be able to be like,

yeah, I was a head coach in the NFL.

Yeah.

You get a lot of good swag.

And the Bengals do have nice, like, swag

that you get with the stripes on there.

It's a terrible hypothetical.

No, because remember we were talking a while ago,

like, would you own the Arizona Coyotes?

Was it the Arizona Coyotes? Yes, I'd own them.

Would you own the Phoenix Coyotes? Yes.

Because you said that you wouldn't.

I'm pretty sure I said I would. You said that it would be a pain

in the ass to own a shitty hockey team.

And then you'd have to do it all the time. Well, maybe a hockey, yeah,

but a football team, any football team I would

take. Yeah, maybe hockey.
I wouldn't,

like, if you asked me if I would coach a hockey team, no.

Yeah, you would coach the Cincinnati Bengals. I don't think that I would i would yes i think it would just suck the nfl dude i nfl i think i like watching football more than i like coaching football no i would definitely coach him because you you could get to do all the coach shit like you just you know do press conferences and cut off your sleeves and dip on the sidelines and fuck up the clock and have everyone roast you for it that would be okay fun ass coach shit you're making you're making some good points you get to do that you get to do that like uh thursday show at a supermarket uh you know a radio show the big cat yeah get paid like twenty thousand dollars to do a 20 minute radio show all the skyline chili you could ever there you go there's so many perks to being coach you get to uh you get to have a big house and you get to basically you know yeah you get to be blamed though at the end of games that's fine i don't care i would love that if i get to be me and i just do it and then i'm like come back here and sit down i'm like hey guys what's up i was a coach for a year that would be so sick but you also might get driven insane by your own players that would be fine too i would love it i would love to coach any nfl for a year fuck yes you will take it yes um all right so this game this was the most prime example of the need for gamblers red zone because scott hansen had i mean he screwed this up so so bad they just didn't show the end of the game when the bengals were driving to cover the spread and then there was a touchdown and then it was taken off and they had to replay it and they didn't get it insane they fixed it they updated the score for a second yeah they took it off but they didn't show the actual correct or what happened yeah how do they not do that i don't red zone how do they not show games that are close to the spread at the end of the game? We know that the Bengals are going to lose to the Rams.
Everyone knows that. Will they cover the 12 points? That is in question.
Fix it. It was important to some, Scott.
The other thing I wrote down was Cooper Cup was, you know when you play Madden and you have that one play that you just – it's the only play you know and you just keep running it.

They just kept on running that in the middle of the field.

It was literally the same play in the middle of the field.

The Bengals just didn't cover.

He just didn't cover.

Yeah, and then he would catch the ball and then get like 15 yards yak on it.

Right.

It was great.

And the best part about when you do that in Madden is –

Let's be honest.

Jared Goff did a good job of getting the ball to him.

Yes.

He was playmakers.

The best part about doing that in Madden is when you know the one play

that works every time and you're like, but I want to learn some new plays.

So you go first and second down and you just suck.

and the next drive well let me try a screen pass oh that didn't work all right back to play I already know do you think the Bengals are intentionally tanking yes now yes they've decided to turn into into the skid. After starting the season 0-5, they're like, you know what? We're doing this on purpose, actually.
But the Bengals have done this weird thing where they actually aren't terrible sometimes, and they actually ran the ball well today, and they'll do weird things, and AJ Green said he's coming back. I'm not buying that.
He said it, though, himself. They'll get a win or two.
They're not going to go on 16. I agree with you on that one.
Do they play the Dolphins? I don't really know. Oh, that's a disappointment television if they do.
That would be awesome. Better hat trick this weekend over in England.
Christian Pulisic. Yes.
Or Blake Bortles not getting caught with his bald head on the sidelines. Pulisic.
Pulisic. He's 19.
Yeah. He's America's hope for soccer.
He's so good, we didn't make the World Cup with him. That's exactly how good.
He's too good for the World Cup. Right.
That's how good U.S. soccer is now.
And we lost to Canada. I'll say Pulisic because now soccer's back.
It is back, yeah. Oh, my God.
How many fucking... I'm not going to do it.
We're going to win a shitload of World Cups with Pulisic. How sad is that that a guy scoring three goals in England is the biggest moment in U.S.
soccer? Oh, by far. Make U.S.
soccer... I will take over U.S.
soccer. You would be the coach of U.
u.s soccer everything pft i would i would like to manage coyotes not the coyotes but u.s soccer biz and he would yeah i i would manage i would manage the apparatus of u.s soccer i don't i wouldn't want to be on the sidelines i would by the way for the hockey thing i would own like a real team yeah Coyotes fans are going to be mad yeah Clue sorry Clue

Cortez But by the way, for the hockey thing, I would own like a real team. Yeah.

Coyotes fans are going to be mad.

Yeah, Clue.

Sorry, Clue.

Cortez.

Okay.

Yeah, so Gambler's Red Zone, Cooper Cup, and I would manage U.S. soccer as long as I can do it from up in the booth.

Yeah.

So I've got my dip cup next to me,

and I'm just looking down through binoculars that aren't actually on.

I also think that if you manage U.S. soccer, you automatically get to drive an Audi.
Yeah, that's part of the deal. Right? You get to drive an Audi.
You get to call everybody lads. You get sweet jackets.
A lot of vests. Yeah, vests, jackets.
I would like that look. All the polo shirts you could ever want.
Yeah. I think it's kind of a cool look.
You just go around. Yeah, you have a BMW sponsorship, an like i would carry a gun too i would carry that's not that doesn't i would carry nine millimeter with me i think it'd just be a good luck it would intimidate the rest of the world when they saw me at training um okay nine millimeter on my on my waist uh by the way the rams are back because they played the falcons and the bengals yep just remember that they're back because they played the Falcons and the Bengals.
Yep. Just remember that.
They're back because they played the Falcons and the Bengals. Next up, Cardinals-Saints.
I love Halloween weekend for a Saints game because you have no idea who is dressing for Halloween and who is just dressing for what they dress for every single Saints game. Yeah.
You got the Saints-Pope. You've got the guy with the big fists.
He's just the big fist guy. Did you see the fake Drew Brees? The fake Drew Brees was there.
It was pretty good. Rocking shoulder pads and the birthmark.
And the birthmark. I couldn't tell if that was offensive.
Is that Park Black? I don't know. I don't know.
No, it was Red. I think he did that on the front.
Scarface. Yes.
Who's the bad guy? You never see a bad guy like me. Yeah, the Saints, turns out, are really good no matter who's playing quarterback for him.
And Drew Brees should not have been playing today. I went into this game being like, they're fucking insane.
They've got a bye week coming up. His hand's not healed yet.
Drew Brees rushed himself back into this one. He could have re-injured it.
But I guess he knew what he was doing a little bit. If I was Sean Payne, I definitely would not have played him this week.
Yeah probably i mean it's the cardinals though so and the cardinals were it was nice three three game win streak against really bad teams which is good because you and when you have a new coach and a new quarterback you want to beat the bad teams to show the progress but when you take a step up in class saints defense is very very good and their run defense is very very good i looked it up bft the last three games they've given up 90 yards total rushing from their from the other team's leading rusher and uh the last two games against the bears and the cardinals they both teams literally just decided uh fuck it we're not going to run yeah they ran 10 times for 18 yards combined their biggest leading rusher. Because you just can't run on the Saints defense right now.
And the other thing that was interesting is Kyler Murray now has more losses in the NFL than he does in high school and college combined. You learn more from losses than you do from wins.
He's a big loser. He was a winner.
He's a loser now. You can't win with him.

What does Josh Rosen do with this team if he's still the quarterback?

I don't think they have a single win.

No, probably not.

Chase Edmonds went out with an injury,

which basically left Kyler Murray to fend for himself.

The most important question is, how does Matthew Berry feel about this game?

Is he still upset?

Is he suing?

Check his Twitter.

Is Matthew Berry suing the Arizona Cardinals?

He should.

You see... The most important question is how does Matthew Berry feel about this game? Is he still upset? Is he suing? Check his Twitter.
Is Matthew Berry suing the Arizona Cardinals? He should. He probably should.
Is he suing the NFL at large? Cliff Kingsbury, I think he's heard us be mad about him not being too conservative, even though he's the offensive guy. Well, it's mostly that I'm mad when an attractive coach plays like he doesn't have guts.
guy skinny guys should not be that conservative he was he went for it like fourth and one on the 30 on his own 35 down 10 six and that was kind of the game that was it that was like in the third quarter so it was actually a four point game in the third quarter I think so credit to the Cardinals for hanging tough I guess I don't think that it was so New Orleans scored 10 in the maybe quarter, I think. So credit to the Cardinals for hanging tough, I guess.

I don't think that it was. So new Orleans scored 10 in the,

maybe at the very,

very start of the third quarter.

Very start.

It was very start of the third quarter.

That counts.

Okay.

That counts as the third quarter.

That does count.

That does count.

Matthew Berry tried to get cute and did the little,

uh,

raccoon holding a picket sign thing and said,

you should actually start chase Edmonds and fantasy today.

Didn't really work out for him.

Oh boy.

Yeah.

Not yet.

So he's over two.

He's 0 for 2 in his... Chase Edmonds just owns his life.
Yeah. Start, sit, or what is it? Love, hate? Love him, hate him.
Love him, hate him. Just hate him, Chase Edmonds.
That's another thing. You can't trust a Chase.
That's true. Matt Berry, you should have listened to our podcast, Matthew.
Come on, man. No, wait.
It was 10-6 for a long time in the third quarter. Yeah.
They got it all the way to like 7-36. Okay.
Then they put it on at the end. Good job.
Good job, Cardinals. That's two and a half quarters.
How about Michael Thomas? Michael Thomas is very, very, very very very very good very good he's a problem yeah very good and yeah i mean drew breeze did the always graceful thing by saying teddy bridgewater was fantastic in his relief and then thanked his sons and not his daughter and that was it and accepted an eight by ten piece of paper saying you beat the cardinals Yeah, good job job. Beat the Cardinals week eight.
All right, Jets, Jaguars. This is why you can't be on mic'd up saying you see ghosts.
Because the Jaguars had their, what's their name of their mascot? Jackson DeVille. DeVille.
Ziplined into the stadium dressed as a ghost. Yeah.
Great, great move by the mascot. They also had like a Ghostbusters montage.
This is going to just follow him around. You might say it's going to haunt him.
It will haunt him. Yeah, it was bad when Jackson DeVille is clowning you.
And the fact that he put on his ghost outfit underneath his glasses, his sunglasses, which he put on top of his ghost outfit and then was probably segueing around the stadium because he's got a segue. It was it was a tough look for Sam Darnold.
What is it? How can he beat this whole ghost thing? What can he do? He has to win a bunch of games. He has to go.
He has to go on that John Edwards show. I don't know.
Talk to a ghost. He also had the I – I never understood this.
Why, if you have a young quarterback and the scripted plays work, just run the script back. He was like eight for eight.
He started the game. He was on fire.
All scripted plays. Then they stopped running the script.
Just keep – run the script back. And then if they figure it out, run it in reverse back.
And just do that. Or the script 40 plays.
Also, somehow Leonard Fournette has figured out how to play running back. This is a very concerning development that I've come to.
I've come to the realization the last four weeks, he's good now. He's somehow good.
Yes, he is. He's playing well.
I've never been more sure of anything in my life than the fact that Leonard Fournette was not a good running back as of five weeks ago and now I'm I'm doubting my entire worldview because of that yeah no he was definitely like the joke let's joke about Leonard Fournette being such a high pick and now he's actually producing yes um Greg Williams by the way that guy shout out to him because he really only knows one way to coach and and it's blitz. And watching this game, Gardner Minshew, every single time they blitzed, he found someone.
Yeah. Well, he's got two strategies.
One is the zero blitz, and the other is run the play where your safety is 30 yards off the line of scrimmage, and your cornerbacks are giving a 12-yard cushion on each side. But it's crazy because if you watch Gardner Minshew,

and Minshew Mania is for real, he had a really nice game,

I would say the way to beat Gardner Minshew is try to confuse him

and drop guys into coverage.

Instead, Greg Williams is like, let's blitz every single time

and make it super easy for this guy who can actually move a little bit

and make these type of plays.

I think what Greg Williams has realized is that his offense on film looks like it's always or his defense, excuse me, on film always looks like it's doing something really intricate and interesting. Like he blitzes so much.
That's why he's been able to have a job for the last 15 years. He's like, oh, that's the mad scientist, Greg Williams.
He's always dialing something up, even though it turns out that what he dials up is just a big pile of shit yeah but it's still like he's making an effort he's the guy at the office who just does busy work all day yeah and he's just like always typing and has excel spreadsheets open and nothing's on them oh his macros are off the charts damn is this guy wow and then and then you get to a point there's nothing better if you can get to the point where if you like get in really early to the office do a bunch of busy work, where people start saying, I know you're busy, I don't want to bother you. And then you become the don't bother me guy because you're so damn busy.
That's Greg Williams. Greg Williams is the best person in your office at PowerPoint, and he's really excellent at putting together slide presentations on how much money he's losing.
Yes, yes, yes, exactly. It's like we're in the red for the sixth consecutive quarter you wouldn't believe this but watch this animation transitioning between slides pretty cool huh yeah this is awesome nobody seriously shout out the guy i'm talking to you right now you're probably listening to this while you pretend to do work if you can get in that zone where people in your office respect you as the i don't want to bother you I know you're really busy guy hold on to that forever because you know that you're in you'll say no no i can do it like it's fine i'll make time for you you got to do that always so you can you can actually do it because if you start saying no i can't do this i'm too busy the gig is up because then they'll go to the boss and be like yeah i wanted him to do it but he can't do it and that it.
And that's too busy. And that's a time management issue that's on you at that point.
Right. If you're too busy to help other people.
Correct. Be not busy.
Help the people. And then everyone says, man, that guy, Joe, is so nice.
He always helps me, even though he's so swamped. He's not swamped.
He's listening to part of my take, clicking through an Excel spreadsheet, laughing about Greg Williams having a downward slide six quarters in a row. Well, Greg Williams is also, he spends a lot of time declining head coaching job offers.
That weren't offered. Well, no, we don't know that.
He's just always checking no on boxes. So you can't expect him to be totally prepared when he's done that all week.
Do you think Greg Williams, like he, I would imagine when you, you know how you go and do like a free article on the New York Times or like the Wall Street Journals and they make you take a survey? He counts that as a head coaching offer. Yeah, I got you.
Like, did you enjoy your time? Like, ooh, the Niners are interested. Mm-hmm.
Like, ooh. He's on the official Niners team's website.
And it's like, click here to accept your 15% off the fall collection for

Niners gear.

No, thank you.

Just decline an offer from the Niners.

When he puts the email in and it says, which type of emails would you like from the team?

And it's like team updates, you know, bi-monthly, all these things.

He's like, well, these are all offers.

These must be.

Likewise, if you click no on, do you want to meet up with horny singles in your area? You basically had sex. You just didn't want to fulfill.
So many horny singles. Always in my area, too.
Always ready to go. My area is so horny.
Hey, big boy. I've got a couple of thoughts on Gardner Minshew.
Yeah. Gardner Minshew, he makes me feel like I've got a lot of mosquito bites, but I took ecstasy, so the mosquito bites actually feel good.
Ooh, and you're getting scratched maybe by someone else, too. Yeah.
He makes me feel like I'm chipping a tooth on a nipple ring. Oh, gross.
But if it's good, it's boobs. Yeah, it's boobs.
We'll get to the titties later. Yeah, we'll get to those titties.
We'll talk about this. But yeah, Minstry Mania, now he's doing just enough that it's going to be a real conversation when Nick Foles comes back because that's coming back.
I think it's week 11 is the targeted date. Marone is not talking about it yet.
He's been very tight-lipped. Can't.
Which is tough to do with Nick Foles. Just keep those lips tight.
But I think that I'm still going to go with Minshew. Yeah.
You just – if you're a head coach, you're just hoping that, like, it will be definitive one way or the other you're hoping that one of them suffers a freak not that serious injury over the next like week and a half like a baseball type you need minshu to throw like five picks in a game or for him to throw five touchdowns in a game so you can say well we can't we have to do it this way or the other or you're just hoping for a call to come in from the Bears and making an offer that you can't refuse for Nick Foles. I'd take Orr for Gardner Minshew.
Okay, Panthers 49ers. Wagon shit kicking.
49ers good. Panthers bad.
I always get a little sad. Panthers not all the way bad yet.

Bad game against a really good team.

An aberration. I get sad, though, when our backup quarterbacks who have a nice little run

finally turn back into a pumpkin because that happened with Kyle Allen.

Everyone was talking about Kyle Allen hadn't thrown an interception.

Could he be a guy?

People were saying the Panthers should trade Cam Newton, which is absolutely insane. And so Kyle Allen then shows up to the 49ers, one of the best defenses in the league, turns into a pumpkin, three interceptions, and now it's over.
Like the balloon has been bursting. Whatever Kyle Allen can do from this point on, we'll always know that he's not a guy.
And he was. For a minute, we suspended belief and we lived in this fairyland where it's like, Kyle Allen, maybe a guy.
Not a guy. I think he still could be half a dude.
Not a guy. Not a guy.
I think he could be half a dude. No.
As far as backup quarterbacks in the NFL go, he's in the upper tier of backup quarterbacks. But that's not what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about the fact that he was winning games, no interceptions, and people were actually saying, could this be a guy? They were talking about Matt Flynn money. Let's go.
Someone should sign him, and we'll make him the guy. Not going to happen.
Maybe the first clue that he wasn't the guy, the dude's guy, was that he was getting so many yards from Christian McCaffrey just by getting him the ball, just in space. And it's really, really fun to watch Christian McCaffrey run in the open field because he runs like he's got internal ways.
He always takes the most efficient route wherever he goes. He's got the little cop blinkers that come on and be like, oh, you don't want to go over here.
There's a linebacker coming this way. It's amazing.
He does not waste a single step in the open field. He's so fucking fast that it's almost like a cheat code.
If you get him the ball with maybe three or four yards and like a little halo around him, he could be gone every single time. Absolutely, but outside of one or two runs, the 49ers defense was incredible.
Nick Bosa is incredible. Just to check, I went back because we talked about this last week, the 49ers pass defense and what they're doing to quarterbacks.
This is now four games, four games, and the quarterback for the opposing team combined four games, last four games, 413 yards. Combined.
That's insane. Matt Schaub had 460 today.
That's insane. This defense is on a roll, and guess what? The offense, Kyle Shanahan deserves so much credit for making running the football sexy.
Like, it is porn to watch the 49ers run the football. They uh coleman had 100 yards rushing three touchdowns most hurt had one touchdown 60 yards and then breda had most of the carries and only got 35 yards they do the misdirection yeah they've got they've got three guys that can do it to you and they break runs like they are you know running deep passes like they will break a run a game where it feels like they're running some intricate deep pass where it's like a bomb.
But no, it's actually just a run and the guy's breaking it because that's just how they run the ball. And they do this thing with pre-snap motion where they set up like their fullbacks and their tight ends to just blindside the shit out of somebody as a lead blocker.
Yes. Which is not something that you see a lot in the NFL, at least until Kyle started to do this.
So we're going to claim Kyle Shanahan. We're claiming Sean McVay and Kyle as Washington, D.C.
coaches. There you go.
By the way, they're just succeeding in places that are outside of D.C., but they're still Redskins coaches. So the 49ers are very much for real, and we can segue this with we were talking about it.
There are two undefeated teams left, the 49ers and the Patriots. Could you imagine the storylines if that were a Super Bowl? So you got Brady playing against his old favorite team growing up.
Schwann was there. Schwann was at that game.
Yep. Jimmy G.
Jimmy G against his old team. You've got Kyle Shanahan revenge in a Super Bowl against Bill Belichick you have Greg Kittle versus the team that had the best tight end in the league yeah what a storyline Greg Kittle against Rob Gronkowski because Gronk will be back Greg Kittle yeah, okay, okay.
Greg Kittle versus Rob Gronkowski. What else? Richard Sherman revenge.
Richard Sherman revenge. Good call.
The picture. And the Seahawks when they lost that Super Bowl.
Oh, that's the picture. Richard Sherman.
Oh, I thought it was another picture when he was yelling at Brady. Imagine what a storyline that would be in the Super Bowl if there was a tight end that played

for the Niners named Greg Kittle in addition to George Kittle, who is actually their tight

end on the team.

Right.

Well, Greg Kittle, we're going to get his name changed.

Which we totally knew.

No, I'm saying that because we talked about that.

Yeah, yeah.

Greg Kittle, how George needs to become Greg Kittle.

Yes.

Right.

I forgot about that for a second.

Yeah, the whole, like, he's not a George.

Yeah, I forgot about that.

He and Greg Olsen should switch.

Yeah, absolutely. Were you just, you didn't think we were.
I'd forgotten about it. You were just saying Greg Kittle.
Yes. Hand up.
Okay. But it's close enough.
Hand up. Yeah, no, I was saying...
Yeah, he's actually going to send us some shirts. That's it.
He sent and asked for a shirt size, and he said, could you send me your shirt size as your friend Greg Kittleittle okay good so he's in on it too he's he's down to change his name legally so that's good that is for the best yes george is if you're not if you're not a 17 year old cat he was ready to go it's been a long week for pft he's done like 16 live streams oh i got eight hours of sleep last night there There you go. How about that? There you go.

Losing does wonders for the sleep. It really does.
Okay, so let's talk about the Browns Patriots. Stat that I can't believe.
The Patriots defense has four touchdowns and they've only let up three. That's ridiculous.
But that's luck, as you were saying earlier. No, that's not luck.
Hank was very mad when I mentioned the idea of turnover luck being a thing in the NFL, which I don't even know if the— Goodness. That's exactly what you're prefacing this.
Not mad. Not mad.
You then said—so I said—I talked about turnover luck, which happens for every team in the entire NFL. There are like—and I don't even know if the Patriots – they probably don't even lead the league in turnover luck.
Like they probably don't because they probably make all their turnovers. But I mentioned that turnover luck can play a part in defenses being really good and sometimes over-regress the mean.
Then you took the word luck and just decided I said that they were lucky, which is not what turnover luck is. Listen, I understand that you're in a little bit of denial that after this year, the Patriots defense is going to be regarded as the best defense of all time.
That's not even what... The 86 Bears defense is going to be forgotten about.
85, whatever. That's what I'm saying.
They're already forgotten about. You already got the years drunk.
By Hank. No, they're deep Patriots.
And so you're just trying to disprove that now. You're just trying to get it out there by saying that they're lucky and that they're not that good.
No, I just led with the stat. The stat is unreal.
The Patriots defense is unreal. Now talk about who they played.
They have to play Lamar Jackson next week, which I think will be a very good game because, Hank, if you want to nitpick the Patriots, it's not fun to sit here and be like, the Patriots are fucking unbelievable, which they are. What do you mean it's not fun? They are.
They have given up some rushing guards and I would it's going to be an interesting game. Nick Chubb Nick Chubb ran the ball on them.
He gashed them. So they had some good fumbles.
Ran the ball decently on them with the Jets the week before. Yeah so the Patriots forced a couple fumbles on Chubb which credit to them I don't think that those were like lucky fumbles that they put their hand on the ball.
Hank is raising his eyebrows. He can't handle...
By turnover... I agree with this.
The harder you work... No, I didn't say they're lucky.
You're so mad. You're mad.
I didn't say they're lucky. They're not lucky.
They're very, very talented. They're the best team in the NFL.
I mentioned that you can't rely on five turnovers a game. That just doesn't happen.
I think the harder you work, the luckier you get in life. That's a fact.
Agreed. And they obviously are the best coach team.
Yes, they're the best coach. They're detailed.
They have all the minor, minor details that add up into creating more luck for yourself. But when a football hits the ground, you don't know which way it's going to bounce.
We can't have an honest conversation. I agree.
Because every time I try and bring up a point, you say, well, if I just try and defend the Patriots, you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're so triggered.
Do your pod. I mean, you did take the word turnover luck and then immediately made it me saying that the Patriots are lucky, which they're not.
They're good. Thank you.
I agree. I don't have to tell you they're good for you to know they're good.
I also think Tom Brady plays pretty well for a guy that doesn't want to be there anymore. That's true.
Yeah, he's selling his house. Which, by the way, if I'm Tom Brady, I'm selling my house every year.
Because if you live in a house in the Boston area, some asshole is going to buy it from you for more money just because you're Tom Brady and you live there. It's John Boyd's car.
It's a great way to make money. Hank, would you not say it's going to be – are you not at least interested in the next few weeks the Patriots playing teams that look like they have a pulse? Yes.
Okay. I'm always interested.
Yeah. That will be interesting.
I think they are a very good team. I think watching them play Lamar Jackson, a team that can run the football, is going to be interesting to watch.
It could also be a chess-checkers game where Belichick lets them win. That's what I was thinking.
That's exactly what I was thinking. You don't want to show too much.
You don't want to tip your hand in this meaningless game because if you're the Patriots, you're going to win your division. That's pretty clear, right? There are three games ahead of the next...
Especially with the Bills losing today. Yeah, so you're going to win your division you're probably gonna coast to uh to a bye they're gonna be in the afc championship game they will most likely win the afc championship game and they probably will play a super bowl that's like yeah the team in the super bowl will be good so just have your eyes open that will be it have your eyes open for this game against the ravens belichick is going to mess up a couple things on purpose.
On purpose. And put a few things out there.
Maybe not collect turnovers as much. It's like 8-0 is not good enough.
You need to also just not even talk about the turnovers that have been historic. Lee Lucky.
No, that's not true. I'd have to even look at it.
I haven't even looked at them. I'm sure it's not even that way.
I was just mentioning that if your game plan is to always have four turnovers, at some point that's not going to happen. I agree.
I'm just saying you guys twist my words to make it sound like I'm being defensive when I'm not. Well, you did start saying.
You were very angry at first. What do you mean? Big Cat says they're lucky.
Me disputing or talking back, all of a sudden this becomes anger and rage that has never existed in my body. Yeah, there's a lot of rage.
Eat another brownie, Hank. You need to calm down.
You're mad because you got soup roasted. That's another story.
I thought it was great. Yeah.
How about... Firefest on a Monday.
The Browns. The Browns.
Because I'll say this. If I'm Baker Mayfield, I would have written a clause into all those contracts and the commercials that I did saying that if things go sideways this year, I get to pull 50% of them off the air because they're on all the time.
And it sucks. It sucks.
Like, it'll go from – See old Peyton Manning. Yes.
Peyton Manning used to be on commercials all the time. It's like he's out of the playoffs.
What are you doing? Yeah, if you're on TV while your team is getting the shit kicked out of him, it's not great. It's a bad visual.
Also, the Browns having, the first time ever, three consecutive offensive snaps, three turnovers, which PFDI, we looked at each other when it happened, and we're like, how is that not a Browns stat already? They were destined to have this. I was shocked that this wasn't in the record books.
It is the most Browns stat of all time. It's never happened, Hank.
Two fumbles and an interception. Three consecutive turnovers.
Three consecutive snaps. That's pretty unlucky for the Browns.
Three consecutive turnovers. Never happened.
That's absurd. It's absurd.
Did you see the interception that Lawrence Guy had? He just threw it to him my god that was a great defensive play though it was you can't call that luck you can't say you can't say the one when they're the one when the Browns offensive lineman kicked the ball out of his hands that was also a great defensive play oh man that was such a brown stat but here we go ready I'm gonna be nice to be nice to the Browns fans. I've found a path.
I've found a path. The AFC is top-heavy with the Patriots, pretty much just the Patriots.
So the Patriots are going to be in the AFC Championship game. They're going to walk to the Super Bowl.
But there's going to be a little fight for those five and six wildcard seed. And the Browns sitting at two and five right now they have four guaranteed wins I'm just gonna do this is obviously nothing's guaranteed but I'm gonna say it for Browns fans sakes because I'm trying to give you life four guaranteed wins against the Bengals the Bengals the Dolphins the Cardinals so that's four wins and and maybe one against the Steelers well no here we go so that if you guarantee those four wins, they just have to go three and two against the Broncos, the Bills, the Steelers twice, and the Ravens who they've already beaten.
That would get you to nine and seven. I think nine and seven might get you in in the AFC.
I think it does. That seems not impossible.
It's not. When you break it down that way, if you win your four games that that you have to win and all you got to do is go three and two against the teams with a pulse so the broncos next week is a must win if they beat the broncos the browns have a path here's my promise to you is that i will never actually look up a stat like this but it feels like they've had the hardest schedule to date they have had a very tough schedule no i don't know if it's number one but they've had a very tough I think they've probably it feels like they've had the hardest schedule to date.
They have had a very tough schedule. No, I don't know if it's number one, but they've had a very tough schedule.
I think they've probably – it feels like they've – the eyeball test tells me it's been by far the hardest schedule for the Browns. They've had road games at the Patriots, at the 49ers, at the Ravens, the Rams, the Titans, and the Seahawks.
That's who they've played so far. So that's a tough schedule.
I agree. I think they can finish 9-7.
I think they can. It's not out of the question at all.
You're back. You're back.
But Freddie Kitchens is a moron. Is a fucking moron.
He seems like a nice guy. He seems like a cool guy.
He doesn't know what he's doing. He actually said that he, I think there was a quote last week, he said, I still have some learning to do.
Don't do that. Don't do that when you're a coach.
Like when I'm the coach of the Bengals, I'm not saying I got learning to do. I'm going to say I know what I'm going to do.
I got my way. Like this is like the Matt Nagy.
I've got my system in place. Don't put that thought in it.
When you say I still have learning to do, everyone will be like, what? So he's not qualified for the job? Yeah. that odell beckham gave tom brady those shoes the boots yeah the i think they were nike goat hair boots which is kind of going against two of tom brady's sponsors which are uggs and under armor so tom brady like got the got the boots and they say obj on the side of him that's awesome and so he doesn't want boots of a guy's initials he embroidered boots for Tom Brady? Yeah, I mean, I wear Jordan shoes sometimes.
No, I know, but OBJ doesn't have shoes, does he? I don't think so. They say, you know, like those shoes that say air on the side or sup.
These say OBJ in big letters on the side. So it's like, here you go, Tom.
Here's some shoes for you that you'll always think of me when you put on. So yeah, those are in the trash right now.
Yeah, for sure. If you're a dumpster diver, go check out outside.
It was in Foxborough, right? Yeah. Go check out outside Patriot Place because I'm pretty sure you'll find Odell Beckham's boots.
Odell Beckham, man. I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to say about him. Is he regretting going to Cleveland? Is he the new Brandon Marshall? Dark cloud? I don't know.
No, Odell Beckham's still really good. No, he's really good.
No, no, no. Brandon Marshall was very, very good.
Things just don't go well. Things don't go well.
I haven't seen him on a boat recently. Although Odell Beckham went to the playoffs, so he's already past that.
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Barstool Golf Time app now. Alright, last up, before we get to the rest of the show, Raiders-Texans JJ Watt done for the year.
Sorry JJ, do you think you heard it trying to pull on extra medium shirts that were too small to fit over his body? I feel bad for him, that sucks. And Deshaun Watson had an unbelievable touchdown.
He wasn't in the grasp, he was not in the grasp. Got poked in the eye.
But here's the big story, PFT. I want to put you onto this one.
I love what John Gruden is doing to Derek Carr through his praise of other quarterbacks. He said after the game that playing against Deshaun Watson is like facing MJ.
Before the game, he said, if you don't like Deshaun Watson, you don't like anyone. If you don't like Deshaun Watson, you're a miserable human being.
Last week, he said Aaron Rodgers is one of the best of all time. Two weeks before that, he didn't say anything about Mitch Trubisky.
But you get what I'm saying. Yeah, you wouldn't say anything about him.
When he compliments the quarterback across the field,

he's essentially saying, my quarterback stinks.

So next week against the Lions, what is he going to say?

Matt Stafford, Hall of Famer, MVP conversation.

His face isn't that fat anymore.

Yes, it's great, though.

He is literally just doing a tour of complimenting the other quarterback

to be like, just nag Derek Carr at all times. Like, hey, fight for my love, Derek.
Dude, he's like facing MJ. Can you imagine if you're Derek Carr and you read that and you're like, damn, you want my acceptance.
That sucks. Yeah, no, I do feel bad for him.
And Gruden's had this scowl on his face. It's turned up.
It's an amped up version of the Gruden scowl that we all know and love. Yeah.
But the last couple of weeks, it's when he looks at Derek Carr, it's partially, I want to hug you and partially I want to kill you while I'm hugging you. I hate the feelings you make me feel.
Yeah. And again, going back to what we said about Gardner Minshew and Nick Foles, I think John Gruden wants Derek Carr to go one way or the other.
Yeah. Make it clear if I should love you or if I should hate you.
I think he already knows. You think he hates him? Yeah.
He hates the fact that he doesn't love him yet. No, he hates him.
He loves Nate Peterman. He loves Hunter Renfro.
He loves Hunter Renfro. Had a huge yard.
Did you also see that John Gruden's so mean. He traded, I think it was a cornerback to the Texans like five days ago, and then absolutely roasted him on like a 70-yard touchdown.

It's fucking awesome.

It was perfect.

John Gruden needs to start doing that every week.

Just trade a guy.

I mean, he has been trading.

Yeah, he does.

Yeah.

He should try to beat Khalil Mack at some point.

Oh, damn.

But yeah, the Texans are still for real.

Hank, are you okay?

Yeah, are you?

Okay.

You see, you've checked out since the turnover lock thing.

We're fine.

Okay.

Oh.

You're angry?

Hank, okay, real quick.

I want you to tell me right now, compared to other Patriots teams in the past, how does

this one rank?

Are you nervous about the offense at all?

No.

Okay.

Only thing I'm worried about is kicking.

Just the kicking game.

But you don't have Gostkowski anymore

so I don't think Mike Nugent has missed

many kicks in Miami, has he?

That's true. We'll have to fact check that.
That is very

true, but that's the only thing I'm worried about is

kicking. Just the kicking game.
So

compared to, do you think this team

could beat the 28-3

team?

It'd be a good game.

It'd be a good match. It'd be a tie.
Yeah. And everyone would go away a winner.
Turnover luck would balance out. Would this defense beat the 2007 Patriots offense? Ooh, that would be close.
That would be, I don't know. It's like the opposite of the Philadelphia Eagles.
Now, alright, Hank, I mean, the best way I can explain it, there was a year, I want to say it was maybe Lovie Smith's last year where the Bears scored, I think they had scored a touchdown on defense like six weeks in a row, and it was like, this isn't going to last. And then it didn't last.
But obviously the Patriots are significantly better than that. But when it didn't last, you had to be like, all right, what now? We've got to score other ways.
That's what I'm talking about. Belichick is hands-on with his defense.
But you can't always be like, our defense will always score no matter what. Bill Belichick, who has had other coordinators, he's like, all right, you know what, I'm getting in with this fucking team every day.
I can't explain it better. Day in, day out, I got you guys.
I can't go into a game being like, we're going to get four turnovers. It's not a fluke.
Big Cat, in Hank's defense, if I grew up with the same amount of success in my sports team that Hank has had growing up, I'd have no reason to think that that would ever end. Yeah, I guess.
All I've known is success is little baby Hank. It could happen.
It could continue for the rest of the season. But it could also be one game where it's like, hey, we didn't get three turnovers.
Still won. Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Still won.

And not saying they're lucky.

Jesus.

I never... You did say that.

You walked around saying that.

You walked around being like, yeah, Dan thinks the Patriots are lucky.

You did.

Did you not?

No.

You did.

Yes, you did.

Yeah, you did.

All right.

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Seek Geek question. A little bit.
I mean, everyone needs luck sometimes. There you go.
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Where is that game next week? Is it in Baltimore? Is that Sunday night? That's gonna be a good that's pretty sexy that is gonna be a good game um okay you should we do a little uh who's back the week let's do that let's do it all right hank why don't you start uh my who's back of the week is actually the person who this segment is named after tiger woods yes big l as i like to call him. Big L.
I like that nickname a lot. Won the Zozo, the prestigious Zozo Championship today in Japan.
How many times have they played the Zozo? So many. Too many to count.
I think it's the first. I think they're inventing tournaments for Tiger to win.
The inaugural Zozo. And he tied.
Did he play against anybody? Yeah, he actually did have a couple. Like Justin Thomas, I think, was in it.
Rory was. How did Brooks do? Brooks actually is disavowing China, so he isn't on this tour.
Okay. Also might be injured.
Well, he also dressed up as Dick in a Box for Halloween, which is a great costume. His knees hurt.
But the official Brooks Koepka line is the next one. I think there was one in Korea, the one in Japan, then one in China.
He has disavowed China. Well, yeah, it's not about sports at that point.
It's about human rights. Brooks.
And Brooks, if anything, he's a leader. He stands up against whatever socioeconomic factors might be the fad of the day.

Right.

For what is right.

Nothing to do with his knee.

No, no, no.

Nothing to do with his knee. He's making a stand.

Yep.

And he tied Sam Snead for most all-time tour victories at 82.

Wow.

So big time back.

Big year for a huge big L.

Yeah, big L is back.

I love that nickname.

Did you just come up with that?

Mm-hmm.

Big L.

We've got to start calling him that all the time. Just Big L.
What? Eldrick. All right.
Any others? Who's back? Yeah, who's back? Just the one. All right.
My who's back of the week is Bob Wiley. Yeah? That's right.
Coach Bob is back after recovering from his dislocated ankle and his broken right leg and left knee injuries that he suffered while standing on the sidelines for the Browns. He is coaching high school football right now.
Of course he is. He's in Chandler, Arizona, where he's rehabbing, and he's coaching Hamilton High School right now.
So he just showed up out of practice, and then one of the coaches came over to him and was like, uh, Hey, Hey coach Bob, what are you doing here?

He's like, I'm the hot guy.

Yeah.

He's like, I'm just watching foot.

I'm just watching football.

Love it.

And the football coach said, well, you can have whatever job you want here.

Love invite him right onto the staff. So now he is, he is coaching on, uh, on the Hamilton, whatever's perfect.

Still in his launcher though.

Hell yeah.

So he's not, he's not going to be pacing the sidelines anytime soon. No.
Um is it your other one no that's just it my who's back uh i have two the first is brian kelly not understanding how weather works so uh michigan who's back big who's back michigan played notre dame uh in basically like a hurricane and he passed the ball 29 times,

which is exactly what Brian Kelly did in 2016

when he actually played in a real hurricane against NC State,

and they lost 10-3, and he passed the ball 26 times.

So he just doesn't understand how football and rain work.

Just hand the ball instead of passing it.

Jim Harbaugh handed it off 57 times.

There was a great moment in the booth in last night's game

where they did the thing where they took a ball out

and the announcers just poured water, a bottle of water,

all over the ball to demonstrate what it's like when a ball gets wet.

Yes.

He's like, see?

Now it's wet.

Yeah.

That's what happens when you put water on a ball.

It's wet.

Good point, Jim.

That ball's wet out there.

It sure is.

All right.

My other who's back is Halloween in general.

Halloween's back. It's big this week.
I My other who's back is Halloween in general. Halloween's back.

It's big this week.

I didn't know that they celebrated Halloween the weekend before and after.

I'm out of it.

When you're in college, you got to take as many chances as you can.

What's the best age to celebrate Halloween?

18 to 22.

Yeah.

Hank's right.

Is it?

Absolutely right.

You wouldn't say like Halloween gets worse.

8 to 11?

Halloween is such a funny because it basically goes like it's awesome when you're a kid yeah then it sucks when you're like 14 to 18 then it's awesome in college i would say it's awesome for like the first three or four years out of college out of college is okay but then you run into bar halloweens and that's always that's tough yeah anytime you have to pull

out your id and hand it to somebody as you're dressed up as a vampire is always kind of awkward house party halloween is definitely the best yes then it's then it's terrible again from like 27 to when you have kids and then it's probably awesome and then you have kids and then you can dress them up when they're really young right to suit whatever your tastes my son's a sea turtle He just lays there and just fucking looks like he's dying and needs to be rolled over.

It's pretty funny. I'm going to throw a bunch of plastic straws at him.
I could go viral with that. That's messed up.
But I could go viral with that. I saw a viral tweet that was like, as a girl, and it was like, my friend was dressed up as a turtle and someone came up to him and took their straw out of their drink and said, that was for my boys.
Oh, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what it was. A turtle came up to a girl at the party.
That's pretty awesome. You should put his tiny little hands inside like a six-pack of soda with plastic rings.
I would go viral and be like, look at what we're doing to our world. Can we protect our wildlife? But, yeah, I wanted to make him a lobster and put them in a pot.
That'd be nice. Yeah.
That would also be funny. But yeah, Halloween is a weird holiday, but I love it that it's back.
And now I'm at the spot. Who would have thunk it? I'm at the spot where you just got to, I just, Halloween for me is just looking at Instagram.
I do like how Halloween has changed from being a one night holiday. I guess it's, if it's on a Friday or Saturday night, Halloween is a one night holiday.
If it's on a Wednesday or Thursday, it's basically like Hanukkah. It's eight nights.
You get to pick and choose whichever one that you want to celebrate on because whenever your weekend happens to be around that date, that's when it is. Also, it's straight candy season.
That's what's really back. Where it's just everywhere you go.
If you go to a doctor, if you go to a gym, if you go to an office, there's just candy everywhere, and it's awesome. It's also easy to commit crimes during Halloween time.
Oh. Because you're always dressed up.
A little pro tip. If you're thinking about doing a crime.
Why would anyone think of that? If you're thinking about doing a crime out there. You've really been thinking about that? You're really going to blend in.
You're thinking about doing that? I'm always thinking about doing crimes oh my god speaking halloween i just saw the picture of uh the cover picture oh of what this podcast is going to be on itunes tomorrow yeah it's pretty good yeah triggs really did it yeah big cat and i are dressed up as did it did you bloody football fans the direction he was i get yeah i. No, you're right.
You're right. I didn't think about it this way.
But yeah, you're right. My belly button is very deep.
A couple minor changes. Your legs look awesome.
My legs look great. No changes will be made.
It's 1.45 in the morning. There will absolutely be zero changes made.
I understand. I just want to put this out here.
It's a very, very good drawing. Verbal changes.
Verbal changes.

Imagine this.

Imagine this.

My chest hair, he's got it pointing up in an arrow. It is a cartoon.

My chest hair actually points down in the arrow.

You have chest hair?

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

I'm a furry boy, Hank.

You want to see?

It is a cartoon.

Well, we don't know because your face hair is terrible.

Yeah, I know.

It's true.

Also, Big Cat's not as fat anymore as he is

in that picture. See, I think it points down

this way.

Got it. This way.
Mentally noted.

Yeah.

What? You don't like my bod? No, no, no.

That was something else. I'm on a diet.

I was doing that about something else. I'm fixing my bod up.

Okay. Let's do Football Guy of the Week

before we do that. PFT, do you have

a couple ads for us? Yeah.

I want to talk to you guys about

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We'll be right back. So, okay, let's do football guy of the week.
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Okay, let's finish up real quick. We got some football guys.
First up, we have the viral video, the youth football coach, Richard, for his impact he had on that one kid. That was awesome.
It's okay to cry because it's football. It makes you feel, but you're allowed to cry when it comes to sports.
Mike Singletary definitely watched that and cried right away. He's always crying.
The only times he's not crying is when he's sleeping. Yes.
Entire Texas A&M team doing the Oklahoma drill as a pregame warm-up. Was not the Oklahoma drill.
Common misconception. It was bull in the ring.
Yep. Bull in the ring out there.
Bull in the ring. Okay.
Then we had also TCU's co-o. Not a football guy.
He's a co-OC. Sonny Comby utilizing the five-second rule when the gum fell out of his mouth during a TD celebration.
And then finally, a rare basketball guy and football guy, Jim Boylan, Chicago Bulls head coach for installing an actual time clock where players can punch in and punch out. I love that.
That's the most football guy thing ever. That's absolutely a football guy thing.
Yes. Very literal.
Okay. Let's do a little.
Vote. You can vote for those.
Vote. Vote for those that part might take.
Vote for those that part might take.

Read the blog.

They'll have all the videos at hand.

It's a great blog.

Let's talk a little baseball.

Let's talk a little bit of baseball.

Let's talk curses.

We love baseball on this show.

I'm a big team head.

I'm happy to be in the World Series.

Big superstitious sport.

Let's talk about losing three home games in a row.

Okay, let's talk about winning. Not even being in them.
I feel like superstition is mostly synonymous with baseball. And that little things can just.
By far, when players don't even touch the lines, when they wear the same clothes, when they pop a bottle of champagne before the series is even done, when they wear a World Series shirt. Name one thing that I'm doing right now to violate superstition.
Only that if a fan did that, it wouldn't matter because they're just a fan. But I think if a fan takes it upon themselves to go full kit every single game, that elevates them to a different level.
They're basically a player. Listen to Hank all of a sudden believing in luck, huh? Weird.
Weird how this is how the tables have turned. What about doing a whole thing where you have the platform and you practice bringing it out for the World Series trophy? You got to be prepared.
Then you don't win a game after that. You got to be prepared for anything.
It's called maintaining all your details. You have to practice these sort of things.
The classic phrase, maintaining all your details. You have to be ready for all this stuff.
And Washington was doing right because they didn't want to tear up the field or create a safety hazard. If they happen to win a World Series at home without being prepped for the trophy presentation, there are fireworks that could go astray.
Yeah. When you're a game away, that makes sense.
When you're one game away. Well, they wouldn't be able to practice it.
Oh, wait No, wait. Are you guys one game away? We're two games away.
Oh. Wait, how did you start the weekend? No, Big Cat's right.
Two games away? We are one game away because we got Strasburg pitching on Tuesday night. He's absolutely going.
That's a guaranteed win. Who's going for the Astros? Some old balls guy named Verlander.
Oh. Yeah, he used to be good.
And have you guys hit at all since you've popped the champagne? In games one and two. Three runs since the champagne? I did not pop champagne.
I popped beer. A World Series beer championship bottle.
And I was asked to by Major League Baseball, and I wanted to help grow the game. So when they asked me.
Rob Manfred asked you? No, they asked, yes, basically, essentially, through his media conglomerate. He said, please pop this bottle of official World Series beer champagne, which I did.
And I'll remind you that I popped champagne after Game 3 of the Stanley Cup in 2018, and that still worked out pretty well for us. Interesting.
We're fine. Strasburg's pitching.
Scherzer's going to be healthy for game seven. We're good.
Yeah. Well, here's the good news.
We're 2-0 on the road. Here's the good news.
Series doesn't start until the home team wins a game. There it is.
Bingo. I knew you were going to say that.
I told them. I said that before.
I was like, how long will it take before PFT's? I've gone through all my spin zones in my head. I have one final one for you.
Please. You're just happy to be there.
I am very happy. And it's probably fun.
That home run that you saw, Alex Bregman ripping your heart out, that was a great home run. That's a memory that will live forever in your brain.
I've already forgotten about the last three games. The first two games were awesome.
And you know what? In that moment after game two when I was doing things like popping champagne where I was asking Bryce Harper where he wanted me to mail the World Series ring to, when I was at my most cocky, in that moment in my own brain, I was a World Series champion. We had already won.
I've had a full day where I felt like I won the World Series. And by I, I mean a team that I root for every September and October.
But I felt in that moment like I had won the World Series, and that's really all you can ask for. Boom.
So what a year this was. What a year this was for the Washington Nationals 2019 World Series champions for a day.
Man. Pretty good.
It feels good. I wish everyone could have that type of feeling.
So they definitely lose on Tuesday night. No, Strasburg's going to throw 15 strikeouts minimum.
They're going to lose Tuesday night. Justin Verlander's going to get embarrassed because he'll be reminded that he dates Kate Upton in a very mean, rude chant.
He'll be like, oh no, my wife is insanely attractive. Never has a team won a World Series in two games more than the Nats.
That's fine. I'll say that.
In record time. That was the best two-game World Series win of all time.
You know what sucks is the losses have all been boring, too. Yeah, you guys stink now.
You scored three runs since you cursed them. A slow burn.
You cursed them. I did not curse anybody.
They've scored three runs. There was some relief tonight.
What? Oh, the titties. Oh, yes.
The titties were awesome. We have an update, by the way.
Just a tit outside. She was banned from all major leagues.
Why? What'd she do? She got a letter saying, On October 27, 2019, you attended World Series Game 5 at Nationals Park in Washington, D.C. During the game, you violated the fan code of conduct by exposing yourself during the seventh inning in order to promote a business.
What business? Tits. Tits in general.
The big... Just feeling horny? Actually, ass has had a big boom.
Like, people are like, oh, ass this, ass that, eat this ass. Mm-hmm.
are tits need their respect ass eating season was a big thing big breasts is making a comeback because think about it like we i mean breast cancer has been a big blow we've had people be like oh like the asses are so awesome now we have we have fucking movie we have we have songs about asses. Yeah.
Well, there is ass cancer, but that doesn't affect everyone as much. Breasts have taken a big hit.
There's no ass cancer month. Yeah, that's true.
It's doing Crucial Catch. Oh, shit.
Yeah. Crucial Catch is all of them.
Well, okay. But yeah, no, I agree.
I agree. Boobs have had a tough...
It's been a tough road for boobs for the last five, six years. People been bashing boobs.
It's like, dude, they're pretty sick too. It also started back in the early 90s when Sir Mix-a-Lot was saying, oh, no one appreciates butts.
Now the pendulum has swung all the way to the other end, where it's like no one talks. Everyone loves women with small breasts now.
What about our large-breasted queens too? Yeah, what about tits? Yeah, and then we see... They're nice people as well.
And then we see these tits, and it was like, yeah. It reminded me.
I forgot about tits yeah and then we're nice people as well and then we see these tits and it was like yeah it reminded me i forgot about tits now it's like tits back and better than ever dude like not only not only one set of tits but two sets of tits we had four tits on national television where else are you gonna find four tits nowhere i looked on the internet i was looking all over the place for breasts ran to the internet to look at these and i was like where are the breasts because i don't know where else i can find them if no one put a screen grab up for this baseball game there is something about tits in the wild now does it say on the back of your ticket when you're going into a game no tits no tits yes it says tits with a circle with a line through actually this is actually this is just the patriarch at work because i have sat many a game in the bleachers with my shirt off yeah i've dumped them out so that's not fair i think that anyone well it's the fact that they were promoting their business yeah so if it was just for the love of tits they should be allowed to do that then'm reading the bylaws correctly. Yeah.
So I'm going to read the rest of this thing. It says, you were also part of a scheme in which you induced others to expose themselves to promote the business.
You are hereby banned from all Major League Baseball stadiums and facilities indefinitely. What? I think that needs to be appealed.

She's got hot.

Careful.

She's got hot fingernails.

Okay.

Yeah.

Well, no, you know when they get the nails done?

It's like.

Got a little manicure going. Well, she knows she's going to be on TV.

I'd like to imagine her grabbing a nice orange.

Okay.

Like a hand model.

A plum.

Uh-huh.

A juicy plum.

A banana.

Nope. Okay.
A plum. A plum.
A peach. Those tits.
A cucumber. All right, so PFT, here's another spin zone.
Mm-hmm. Everyone's talking about tits.
We saw tits tonight. We've literally only talked about tits, not about the game.
It is a much easier loss to swallow when you get to see boobs while you're experiencing it. Right.
It goes down a little easier. It's like God balancing the universe out a little bit.
So no in conclusion I did not curse the Washington Nationals. Yeah you did.
No one's saying that. And if they are saying it they don't mean it because no one would ever say it and mean that because it's a mean thing to say.
People are saying it. Alright last up let's do a Monday reading before that LSU number one.
Fuck yes. Let's go.
They're ranked number one.

I love it.

And Oklahoma.

And deservedly so.

By the way, Oklahoma, we need to give Oklahoma more shit for being Oklahoma.

Remember when we used to do the Clemsoning thing?

Oklahoma, eight of the last nine years has lost to a team that they were favored double-ditched.

Oklahoma. On Booger McFarlane's DEFCON scale, which he updates on Twitter for Oklahoma,

they were at DEFCON 3. He repeats DEFCON 3.
Then they were at DEFCON 4 when they actually lost. So Booger doesn't really know which way the correct DEFCONs go.
Yeah. Because I think DEFCON 1 is the worst, right? Right.
But regardless, we're at DEFCON 3.5 right now with Oklahoma. They were bad.
They played a shitty, shitty game. They got their asses kicked.
I like watching Kansas State play because I just think of all the old, tall, white quarterbacks that run the option that used to play there, and they always look like the same team. They've always got a really fast running back like a Darren Sproles.
And it's not Bill Snyder anymore. And it's not Bill Snyder, although he was in the stands.
Yeah, of course. He just lives there.
Wisconsin lost to Ohio State, but that was because of the rain. Yeah, no they wouldn't play a straight up yeah fucking coward it was a weather situation i love when i get to the point where my team's getting embarrassed so bad i'm like you know what i'm just gonna embarrass their fans so i started doing that rain thing and so many ohio state fans were like what are you talking about if there was no rain we'd put 50 on you it's like dude you wouldn't know you you wouldn't play a straight up in You had to bring all the elements.
Yeah, we have no idea what it would look like in a dome. I guess we'll find out maybe in the Big Ten.
Probably not. Probably Minnesota.
Okay. Here's the Monday reading.
Real quick, we'll finish it up. We have Dog the Bounty Hunter coming on Wednesday.
Dog the Bounty Hunter coming on Wednesday. Great show.
Great interview. Alright, this is Friday night.
This is the PMT group chat. We have a text thread.
Hank texted the group at 1145 on Friday night saying, who did this, fam? It was a tweet from part of my take that said, Jan just threw... What? Add the quotations or the punctuations.
Jan just threw me a salt in the middle of the night, comma, comma, comma, comma. Shit slaps.
Six S's. That was tweeted from part of my take.
Everyone was like, what the fuck? I initially thought it was PFT at the Nats game because I thought he was talking about juan soto maybe threw him smelling smelling salt i was like that's pretty sick that would have slapped no i was i was pumped for you and then so pft responded with question marks jake marsh responded no idea hank said wasn't me i responded wasn't me do we need to switch the password because i thought maybe we've gotten hacked we got hacked by the world's weirdest hacker yeah and then pft replied anyone leave their computer

open at the office because we thought maybe it's someone playing a junk a trick on us right then

after all those responses basically everyone's saying wasn't me wasn't me wasn't me

liam aka bubba responds with a screenshot of an email we had reminding us to do Barstool Gold. And he said, just a reminder, everyone needed this on a Saturday night when I was blacked out.
This is Friday night, mind you. So none of this makes sense from Bubba.
Yep. And then I responded, wait, Liam, today is Friday.
Did you tweet that by accident? And Liam slowly started to realize it and replied with an emoji of the blush face. And I've never seen anyone tell on themselves in a funnier fashion than getting the day wrong and saying I'm blacked out.
And while there's a random tweet from the part of my take account wondering what the fuck is going on. I still don't understand what the tweet meant.
No. Liam, can we get a little clarification? I really wish I could clarify more, but I mean, I was like severely blacked out.
You thought it was Saturday. You time traveled.
Yeah. He did think it was Saturday, but I still don't know what he was like why saturday was the appropriate time to tweet that thing out no i thought it was a yay i think i thought the yawn was a yay because jesus is whatever that's that album just came out and so there was i thought the yawn meant to be yay something about a song and then the shit slaps it's just so funny because we all were very i had a mini heart attack yeah i did too i was like fuck we got hacked this sucks and we all were very attentive to it like wasn't me like clear our name like let's figure this out and then in comes liam being like dude can you believe this email on saturday night when i'm blacked out dude it's friday and that's how you tell on yourself so yeah 10 59 blacked out on friday's some strong pre-gaming that you did so what so you have no idea what you meant to say uh no so i don't i don't remember like doing any of that it's a hilarious way to tell on yourself yeah like it was all i was actually so relieved that we didn't get hacked uh-huh that i was like pumped that you had done that i'm actually glad that you sent this from our account as opposed to doing it from your personal account, which is, I think, what you were trying to do at the time.
Correct. This is funnier that you did it here.
So I think it must have been because every time it goes live, like Barstool does, for some reason, it switches over to the PMP account. That happens to me.
So I don't know. I must have just thought I was on.
What's the tweet? Jan i legitimately have no idea i just threw somebody give you smelling salt in the middle of the night slaps i don't know yeah you hit smelling salt um do we need to get a yon listeners out there do we need to get a breathalyzer on your phone no i actually i told big cat i want uh i just want a setting where it just blocks it like friday to sunday so just so i like can't go you need the thing where if i'm up on a week i need someone to knock me out and like put me into a hospital so i don't bet anymore yes for a game for twitter essentially yeah like once you get a few drinks, like, not... Yeah, no, I wish I, like, really had a better explanation or, like, something funny to say, but I really don't.
All right, we'll see everyone wins. They dog the bounty hunter.
Get excited. And also...
Congrats to the Nationals for now being tied 3-3. We'll congratulate the Astros on their World Championship on Tuesday night.
Pretty excited about that. Not what you said, but what I said.
Love you guys. Are you going to bring champagne to the live stream? I'll bring champagne anywhere I want.
For game three? I will drink champagne nonstop for the next five days if I have to. Do you pop champagne when you tie it up 3-3? I pop champagne in the hood.
Do you pop champagne when you're up 2-0? I pop champagne with Tiger Woods. Hank, do you think that's a champagne worthy thing? Tiger Woods, y'all.
3-3. I mean, if you're up 2-0 and you pop champagne, you might as well do it when you're up 3-3.
I will pop a new bottle of champagne for every run we score on Tuesday night.

There you go.

I will outrun the jinx by jinx.

Breaking news, the Nats get shut out

and lose in game six.

It won't happen.

Love you guys. I'm free.
Thank you. I'll be the end of the day.
Thank you.