CM Punk, Paul Rabil, Week 8 Preview and Picks

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, NFL Week 8 preview. Two awesome guests.
I think this is a few weeks in a row we've done two guest Fridays, which is great. We have CM Punk, legend, and we have Paul Rabel, who we had on Wednesday Breaking Moves.
We alluded to it, but we have cm punk legend and we have paul rabo who we had on wednesday breaking moves we alluded to it but we have decided the team name or at least the short list for the expansion team in the pll we do a live brainstorm he wasn't ready for that no he wasn't but i mean you come on part of my take you mess with a bully get the horn yeah he was like oh wait we like, oh, wait, we're doing this right now. Yeah, fucking A right, we're doing it right now.

So we have all that.

We have Fyre Fest.

We have Fantasy Fuck Boys.

And we have some FAQs with a very special guest who just stopped by today.

Before we get to all of that, the Cash App, part of my take is brought to you by the Cash App.

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Let's go! In the street there is violence, and then a lot of stuff work to be done.

No place to hang out or wash in, and then I can't blame all on the sun.

Oh, no.

We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue, and then we'll take it higher.

Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue part of my take presented by barstool sports welcome to part of my take presented by the cash app go download it right now use code barstool you get five dollars for free five dollars to aspca today is friday october 25th and kirk cousins continues his dominating performances. He really pissed me off tonight because I thought for sure that this was going to be the game that he sucked, that he threw four interceptions.
He was due. It was a triple revenge game.
Yep. You had Cousins getting revenge against D.C.
You had Case Keenum getting revenge against Minnesota. You had Adrian Peterson getting revenge against Minnesota State Police.
You had everything going on tonight, and Kirk Cousins absolutely lit it up. And now, in full disclosure, we actually taped an early show today because we have to pick and choose our spots in October.
So what we did was we actually taped two alternate endings, so a little choose-your-own-adventure. So whatever you're listening to right now, the Vikings beating the Redskins, that happened.
If the Redskins beat the Vikings, you'll probably be listening to that right now. But either way, the alternate ending will be at the end of the show.
We're going to put it in. Yeah.
So you get to hear what life would have been like if the opposite had happened. How about Mike Zimmer's face tonight? You talk about a red skin.
This was Swagger Jacking straight up from D.C. This is like Mike Shanahan if he fell out in the sun after too many daiquiris.
Yeah. So, PFT, I have a question for you.
Kirk Cousins. Yeah.
Are we now fully buying in? Because this is now a few weeks in a row that the Vikings have looked great. And Kirk Cousins, are we saying that a Thursday night football game against the Redskins is a primetime game? It is technically a primetime game, but it is also the two biggest weaknesses of both those sides going up against each other.
So I'm not ready to crown Kirk Cousins. I think he's still going to break everyone's heart.
It's going to happen eventually. How about my three-and-a-half field goal bet hitting, though? That was huge.
That was easy. Easy.
But yeah, Kirk Cousins.

You remember to do the alternate on that.

Yes, definitely.

On the other side.

Okay.

Kirk Cousins is a piece of shit, and he's a piece of trash, and he sucks, and he's going

to continue to suck.

And I am not.

Nothing that he does.

That's too harsh.

Nothing that he does.

You're right, it was.

He's Kirk Cousins.

He's so lame.

You're right.

Who cares?

That was too harsh.

It's like Kirk Cousins, Stan Lee.

Who cares?

Yeah.

You know what?

Nothing that you do against the Redskins counts towards anything in my record book. Yeah.
So, but the Vikings now sit at six and two and we're going to get a lot of pieces like, hey, the Vikings, remember them? Are they for real? Are they for real? Because they were actually really good two years ago and then they had a very bad year, but now it's kind of the same roster. We'll get those stories.
And yeah, it will be fun to see everyone get their hopes up for Kirk Cousins, only to have them crushed in a big, big moment later on. To be continued, the Kirk Cousins train.
Okay. Other news before we get to the NFL preview.
The Washington Nationals, we said it on Wednesday. It rings true today.
They are a team of destiny. Big time.
Do you know what's crazy I was thinking about? Now, I bet on the Nationals both games, and I also have a future on them. So I'm on the bandwagon, on the Nats bandwagon.
You were wearing a uniform, full kit, wanker, every single game. So you are propelling them to great heights.
I'm driving the Nats wagon. It's crazy to think how good the Nationals have been and how this all basically wouldn't have happened if the Brewers didn't have an error.
Yeah. Like, it feels so long ago that that error happened in the wildcard game.
But that happened. And then Clayton Kershaw, you know, did the Clayton Kershaw.
And since that moment, the Nationals have not lost. And they just went into Houston and fucking took it to the Astros.
Like, shoved. Shoved, shoved, shoved.
So we're doing two things. The Nationals are doing two things well this World Series and really this whole postseason.
One, we're shoving. Two, we're raking.
So when you can rake and shove at the same time, that's when you really mix things together and you get a magic moment. Tough to beat.
So we're raking, we're shoving, we're twirling. We're doing all the small things, too.
We're bunting, we're getting guys on base. We're hitting, we're getting very lucky with our BAPIP.
Balls in play. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Our BAPIP is off the charts. We're hitting balls.
We're getting infield hits at a rate that hasn't been seen since the Mike Socialism days of the Anaheim Angels. Forcing the Astros to do things they've never done before by intentionally walking guys.
It's crazy. They walked Juan Soto in the World Series and they haven't issued an intentional walk all year the um the old saying is in baseball like momentum is just the next day's starting pitcher but I don't believe in that because I honestly think the Nationals what they're doing right now the like there is such a thing as momentum in terms of everyone on your team hitting at the same time yeah it doesn't really matter who really matter who you're putting.
They just beat Garrett Cole and Justin Verlander in Houston. Like, there's something that's going on with that lineup with the guys where they're just all getting hits.
They're all seeing it, and it just piles on. I mean, they jumped on them in that seventh inning.
They're playing loose. They're playing loose.
They don't have Bryce Harper making everybody all tight and nervous in the clubhouse. Poor Bryce Harper.
Poor Bryce. Oh, I'm fine.
I'm happy for them. He's definitely watching right.
Oh, he's definitely sad. He's hate watching it.
He's throwing out a lot of mother freakers. Yeah.
Yeah. So it's been a great couple nights.
I'm going to try to bring a broom down to the game. Bryce Harper and a dad to dad moment.
Bryce Harper's definitely because after the football weekend I had last weekend, I did the like, let me look into my baby's eyes and realize that there's bigger things in sports Bryce Harper's been doing that all October yeah he's got a newborn and he's like you know what my kid is healthy and he's here who needs a world it'd be great if he had another kid like if he got his wife pregnant right now and did like a gender reveal and that whole thing right he went completely off the map away from sports talking about this i had a crazy idea the other this is actually a nyquil idea while i was watching i was flipping back and forth between like cnn and uh nat's playoff game at one point and uh they were talking about like the trump impeachment the impending impeachment of donald trump okay if donald trump actually thinks that he's going to get impeached you know he should do? He should just say that my son Barron misses me very much and he said a prayer and an angel told him that if the Nationals win the World Series, that I would come back and be his dad again and stop being president. But why? Angels in the outfield.
Oh. It's the plot of Angels in the outfield.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He should say that that actually happened to him.
Got it. And if he doesn't want to go through the whole impeachment thing, he can just resign, walk away.
To the Nationals. To the Nationals, yeah.
So it truly was a NyQuil idea. It was a very NyQuil idea, for sure.
I think it plays. I think it plays.
Listen, Baron's been missing his dad, his papa. Are you sure? I don't know.
He's at his football academy. Oh, really? Yeah, I think he's going to be like the next MLS superstar.
Oh, MLS playoffs. Football Academy.
Fuck. I didn't prep anything for that.
How do you even know that was happening? Because I always know what's going on if I want to gamble on it. New York lost last night.
Damn. DC lost on Sunday.
Yeah, they gave up four goals in extra time. The Reds in it? Wow.
That's a lot. Yeah, one to one and they were like not done yet and then the next update was five to one um yeah I don't know I'm sure the Sounders are probably doing something it's probably gonna be the Sounders and the Timbers yeah they played nine times a year they're doing something out west oh Atlanta is playing Philadelphia rivalry game oh LA and LA that is a rivalry game yeah so that will be great Zlatan there's two LA teams? The football club and then the other LA football club.
The Will Ferrells. The Will Ferrells and the Tom Cruises.
That's who they play. The Scientologists.
Yeah, you're probably right. Yeah, he's definitely not a soccer guy.
Tom Cruise does not watch sports. He comes and is like, are you guys watching sports? And then starts throwing a football and hits someone's chandelier.
They're like, all right, Tom. Maybe get out of here, dude.
He's one of those remarkable A-list actors that hasn't played a superstar athlete. Oh, whoa! All the right moves, PFT.
What are you saying? I didn't watch that one. An unbelievable movie.
You're dating yourself. No, I'm not because that's a great movie.
Tom Cruise, all the right moves. He was playing high school football in Pennsylvania, Steel Town.
Okay. Love it.
Also an elite volleyball player on Top Gun. True.
True. All right.
Let's do. So if you want to watch us, we're at BarstoolGold.com.
You can watch our interview with CM Punk. You can watch our interview with Paul Rabel.
Those are both coming up. We're going to decide the PLL team name in a second.
So barstoolgold.com slash PMT. You can watch our interview with CM Punk.
You can watch our interview with Paul Rabel. Those are both coming up.
We're going to decide the PLL team name in a second. So barstoolgold.com slash PMT.
But before we do that, let's do some weekend preview. Let me jump back to the Nationals real quick.
Okay. Because Fernando Rodney is absolutely lighting it up out of the bullpen.
His bow and arrow celebration is giving me life. I'm really enjoying that.
You were trying to talk me out of supporting Fernando Rodney. No, listen, the arrow plays.
He does it all the time. He does it whether he had a good outing, bad outing.
There's sad arrows. He just, if he's in an important game, he has a white flag.
He was up when they were 12-3. I also think it would be

hilarious if the Nationals somehow stumbled

their way in ass backwards to figuring out

that you don't actually need a bullpen

in baseball. You can just put your starting

pitchers in to be your bullpen

the entire time. And you don't actually

need three days rest or four days rest.

I hate that. Do a bullpen start.

Where you have the

opener.

It's the opener, not the starter.

It actually makes sense, though, because once you get to the third time around the lineup. Don't care.
All right. You look at some fucking analytics one time.
Nope. Come on, Hank.
All right. Let's do some.
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Should I start with my can't lose parlay? Because it cannot lose. Yeah, it cannot lose.
How did your one last week do? It lost. Okay.
But this one cannot lose. Were you close? No, but this one cannot lose.
I've looked it up and down, left and right. Here's what I've been doing wrong.
Too many games in too many time slots. So I or no double games in one time slot yeah where it gets confusing so I've spaced it out here I've spaced it out so we can just deal with one problem at a time I like you don't like I like dealing with two problems at a time sometimes when it comes to gambling also I think it doesn't matter I think everything I just said is not matter I think everything I just said is wrong because the first two games are actually during the 1 o'clock slate.
Okay, so cancel everything I said. Here's the can't lose parlay.
The Rams, they're not going to lose to the Bengals. No.
That's easy. That's easy money right there.
Hank, they're not going to kill the Bengals. Also, master student relationship between McVay and the guy that coaches the Bengals.
Yes. Taylor.
I know. Zach.
Zach. Zach.
With no K. With no K.
Yeah, weirdo. Okay.
The Rams are not going to lose to the Bengals. Yes, it's in London, but I don't care.
The Rams are not going to lose to the Bengals. Oh, shit, it's in London? Yeah.
They might lose. No, they're not going to lose.
They have to travel so far east. They stayed in Atlanta.
Okay. Yeah, a little extra.
See? I think about the can't lose part of life. Yeah, but you use your logic when the Raiders went there.
It's like once you're gone for more than a week. Listen, that was a mistake, and I screwed that up.
And a material change. And a material change.
The next can't lose parlay team, the Seahawks are not going to lose to the Falcons. Nope.
Hank, you think the Falcons are going to beat the Seahawks? No chance. Where are they playing? Matt Ryan might not even play in Atlanta.
I don't care. Matt Schaub.
That's fine. I don't even see that one.
Pick six. It was minus three, minus three and a half.
So this Moneyline parlay pays a little over even money. So it's like plus 110 or so.
Now, did the Falcons stay in Atlanta this week? The Falcons did not because they've been running out of town. Okay.
So they were. They were loser left town last week.
They went to London. Okay.
Then my last one. So, you can.
Wait. I actually didn't.
Did I do the right teams? No, I didn't. Wait.
Uh-oh. Hold on.
They can't lose parlay. Cancel the Seahawks.
Has already lost. Cancel the Seahawks.
The Seahawks are not on the can't lose. Hell yeah.
Thank you, Hank. You're welcome.
Say it again. Don't put the Seahawks on there.
Don't put the Seahawks on there. You know what? You're right, Hank.
I'm not going to. The Colts.
The Colts are definitely going to win. The Colts are my second part of this can't lose parlay.
I'm not even being offered. The Colts are at home against the Broncos.
They are not going to lose. Love that pick.
Not going to lose. Okay? Swag Kelly revenge, though.
That's fine. Rams, Colts, and then finally, the Packers.
The Packers are not going to lose to Matt Moore

if let's launch from

the can't lose parlay let's launch off to this discussion

PFT.

What Hank? Go ahead. Say it.

The Packers are going to win that game.

No they aren't. Aaron Rodgers is starting

to do the Aaron Rodgers thing where he's going to

be the best player in football for a while.

I can feel it. The winds are changing

and then they'll lose in horrific fashion

in the playoffs and it'll be the best day of the Bears season.

Let's all remember though that the game last week was against the Raiders. That's fine.
The Raiders ruined the can't-lose parlay on multiple occasions. I say again, the Raiders.
Yes. Okay, so the Packers at the Chiefs.
Are the Chiefs actually going to play Patrick Mahomes? Because that'd be the dumbest in the world. If Andy Reid plays Patrick Mahomes, this will go down as the dumbest decision that he's ever made in a career that's been largely defined by singular dumb decisions that he's made during games.
Insane. And it seems like it actually could possibly happen.
I think he's practicing. Why would you practice if you weren't going to play? I don't know.
With that injury. I don't know.
But either way, that is one of the dumbest things ever. I think they're just playing a little rope-a-dope where they're trying to keep the Packers on edge.
Because if you play Patrick Mahomes, especially given the fact that the Raiders just lost last week. The Chargers are done.
The Broncos are done. The Chiefs should not be thinking about anything besides just getting healthy and winning that West, which they can do probably with nine wins.
They're not going to get home field throughout the playoffs. Doesn't matter.
That's not going to happen. That's what I'm saying.
You might as well let that go. The Patriots have that on lockdown until Tom Brady leaves New England and goes to Kansas City next year.
We'll get to that later, Hank, about his plans on leaving town. Yes.
And they probably can get the two seed and have a bye just by winning a bunch in November and December.

This doesn't ultimately matter because when it comes down to it, the other best team not named the Bills,

because the Bills obviously can't get a bye, is the Ravens.

They beat them head-to-head.

But is there enough tape on Matt Moore out there?

Do the Packers know how to defend Matt Moore?

Yes, I would say so.

Is there?

I think there is enough tape.

There's enough tape on Matt Moore. I don't know because Matt Moore came in and performed admirably.
He performed. He performed matrably.
He performed. He threw one touchdown pass, which I think he was trying to throw away, but Tyree kills so fast that he caught it.
Yeah, that's what's great about Matt Moore. It's tough to defend against a guy.
If you're preparing for Patrick Mahomes, a guy that looks away and throws passes, passes Matt Moore stares down every single pass so it's like you have to pick one guy or the other to prep for maybe they'll prep for Mahomes and then they'll get stuck with Matt Moore yes okay so uh that's what can't lose parlay Rams Colts Packers take it it's it cannot lose this week it won't telling you it cannot it mustn't it cannot lose if it loses I'm so fucked I take it every week. if you're feeling spicy the parlay plus toss in the Seahawks do it I'm going to do that or if you really want to plus it up toss in the Falcons no shut up Hank before we do our picks I have a couple games I wanted to touch on we do have a loser leaves town game the Giantsants and the Lions? Nope.
The Giants are already lost. No, no.
They're in it. My loser leaves town was Raiders-Texans.
I think the Raiders have left town. They're on their way to Las Vegas.
They're literally leaving town. The Raiders and Texans, both.
The Raiders are 3-3. Texans are 4-3.
Yep. I feel like the loser leaves town in this game.
Okay. Well, sure.
I think the Raiders and the Texans are going to stomp the shit out of them. We'll see.
I mean, the Raiders have won weird games. Right? They've won weird games.
They have won weird games. They went and won in Indianapolis.
They beat the Bears. Right.
They've won weird games. Yeah.
I think you're definitely overvaluing the Raiders because they beat the Bears. Ask Hank.
Hank, Derek Carr isn't an idiot. That game changes.
They beat the Packers probably. Easily.
In that first half touchdown. Derek Carr is done.
He is done. That was a 14-point swing.
I just hope that he gets another touchback. I hope it continues to happen to him.
Yeah. And you know John Gruden has sat him down and showed him the last time he did that.
And was like, don't ever do this again. And then he did it again.
A little tip. I was watching Monday Night Football and the Patriots running back.
I forget if it was Michelle or if it was White. But he was reaching.
He was, like, diving towards the end zone. And you know how Bill tells his players, don't reach out for the goal line because he might commit a touchback he like started to reach out and in midair you could see bill belichick's face just on his shoulder be like put that fucking ball away and he just tucked it like right back in and went out the one inch line yes it was beautiful to watch okay yeah i mean it's it is the difference between winning and losing teams yeah um all right the other one i wanted to touch on do have an Are We Sure They're Good game.
I do too. Okay.
What's yours? I've got the Panthers and the Niners. Interesting.
And the Eagles and the Bills. Okay.
Well, I have something special for the Eagles and Bills. My Are We Sure They're Good game is Cardinals-Saints because if the Saints are very, very good, they'll stomp them.
And if the Cardinals are good, which they're not, they would maybe keep it close? Yeah, but we're not sure that we're not sure that the Cardinals are good right now. The Cardinals could be good, but they also played no one.
That we're not sure. You're right.
So I don't think that this is a are-we-sure-they're-a-good game yet. Oh, you're saying they're not good.
They're not good enough to be unsure on whether or not they're good. They've beaten terrible teams.
They've won three in a row. That's true.

Who have they beaten?

They've beaten the worst teams in the world.

And Bengals.

Yeesh.

Yeah.

I like your Panthers 49ers pick.

I don't know why,

but I feel like there are more teams than usual

that have just played a lot of shitty other teams.

Because there's a lot of shitty other teams.

Yeah, you got the Bills,

you got the Patriots,

and you got the Cardinals

that are all just feasting against crap teams. I like the Panthers 49ers pick, though, for are we sure they're good.
I'm convinced the 49ers are good, but it will be interesting to see what the Panthers do in this game. We do respect the 49ers on this podcast.
Big moment of respect. Matchup of two of our favorite tight ends, Greg Olsen and George Kittle.
Passing of the torch. Yes.
They should play for the, like, they should swap names. That would actually be cool.
I thought Greg Olsen retired for a second when I saw him on TV last week. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, no, it was a bi-week. George Olsen and Greg Kittle.
Greg Kittle, actually. Greg Kittle plays.
No offense, George, but Greg is whatever. Yeah, G-Kits.
George is such a weird name. Did you just say George? i had a cat you don't think i had a cat named george nobody knew his name george yeah besides tight ends from iowa but like george like you you ever think about like if you walked up george kittle is not george georgie hey george what do you think they call him i don't know g g kits kit yeah what's up kids but like think about it he's he's an unbelievable tight end who loves wrestling and is a really fun guy.
And you're like, George? Yeah. No, you can't go by George.
No. Change your name, George.
K-Money. George.
Yeah, so how about Greg Olson being up in the booth, though, and he's doing prep work before the games, talking to coaches? I would not say a word to Greg Olson if he came in my locker room. That was a big controversy last year.
This year they made sure that they gave him a game where he wasn't playing either team. Okay.
So that was made sure. Until the playoffs.
Until the Giants and Cardinals both make the playoffs. Yes.
Okay. My other game I wanted to talk about, it's a new one.
It's a line in the sand game PFT. Okay.
Yeah. Line in the sand game.
Eagles-B Bills the Eagles are going to either be an absolute dumpster fire after this game or their season is rejuvenated and they might actually make a run to the playoffs this is the line in the sand game because they are if you read the quotes around the Eagles locker room it feels like one of those games and you could actually throw the Bears in this mix, where the players are like, we got to do something, and if they don't do it now, it's just like, all right, fuck it, we suck. Right.
For some reason, the Eagles have six of these games every year where this is the game that will put them on the right track, but then they usually lose one of those games, and then they get another one later, and they end up being good, making the wild card. See, I think this is it.
This is, it's not line in the sand. It's like in old Roman times, Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon, right? Yeah.
This is crossing the Skykel. Yes.
Crossing the Skykel River in Tloplia. This is it.
This is it. You're going to cross the Delaware River, maybe.
Or you're going to sink. Or you're going to sink.
There's no turning back. Which one will you be, Eagles? And then next week'll give you another shot at it.
Yeah. I think the Bills are going to win that game.
I think so too. Did you see the Bills in very Bills Mafia since they have the Bills organization is lighting off fireworks to signal when Bills Mafia should start heading towards the gate to go into the game? That's amazing.
At noon. So we're in Buffalo now.
Clocks are out. They're just going to explode some shit at the time that you should start walking towards the stadium.
That's amazing. It's like an old church bell telling people to come in in medieval times and pray.
It's like, hey, guys, time to put down the beard. They should actually do one, like a warning shot.
The first time you send off the fireworks should actually be 10 minutes before you really should. And then people will start to make their way there.
And then the second one, that's the real one. Well, it's genius because I would say 80% of Bill's mafia will be so drunk that then when they see the fireworks, they're like, fuck, did we just score? And they'll start running in.
Yeah, this is the Kiko Alonso Bowl. Oh.
So first set of fireworks, take your jersey off and find a young lady who would like a Kiko Alonso jersey. Get fellated.
All right. Let's do some picks.
Hank, how are you doing with your underdog challenge? I think this might be the weekend. I flip it and reverse it.
Put my hands down, flip it and reverse it. And just go all favorites.
I don't know. I just don't love it this week.
So for people who don't know, Hank. I did do that great.
I did it for the last four weekends. I bet every single Money Dog.
Money Line Underdog. Money Line Underdog, except for like the Patriots and a couple of the Dolphins games.
I like Money Dog, though. Money Dog underlines.

I don't think I'm going to do it this week, though.

I'm not going to do it this week.

Definitely not stunned.

But what Hank did was he took his system and he moved it to the NBA.

Yeah.

So he's doing that same system for the NBA now.

It's actually fun to get,

because this happens every now and then

where you get addicted to unders

or addicted to underdogs.

You are addicted to money lines,

and it's sharp. It is sharp.
This year, I have have a staff for you hank this is not going to keep up but underdogs are 59 44 and 2 against the spread that's insane and road teams are 64 38 and 2 right so we talked about sunday bloody sunday coming i think that could come this weekend and i want to be on the right side of it so i'm just going to flip it and just take all the favorites. It's time to ask.
I'm not going on the record as doing that yet, but stay tuned. Hold until Hank lights the fireworks.
Yes. It's time to ask, though, has Vegas just gotten shitty? Or are there too many Vegas zones? Vegas lost a step.
Yes, they did. All right, Hank, your favorite.
The Colts. Oh, in the Moneyline Parlay? Yeah.
Broncos. Broncos are bad.
Very bad. Flacco's

bad. No Manuel Sanders.
True. True.
Oh, fun fact. Did you guys see the thing going around

about Jack Del Rio when he said when the draft came around, John Elway looked at Russell

Wilson and he checked every box except height. So they passed.
You think? Damn, that sucks.

Who did they draft that year? I don't know. Maybe not even a quarterback.
Probably not. PFT, your favorite.
My favorite this week is going to be the Saints. Saints over the Cardinals.
Drew Brees? Yeah, Drew Brees might be back. I don't really care if Drew Brees is back or not.
I think it's worse if he is. I don't know if he's going to be back I will take them anyways this is the uh the catholic church battle going on between the saints and the cardinals so I need the pope to weigh in yep on Sunday morning let me know who to bet on just give me like a just one last like little nudge over the edge but I'm very very confident that I'm going to bet on the saints can I just say you know what the really let me down.
Because if the Pope had any sense of the

moment, he would be giving out a

funny pic every Sunday morning.

And people would be going crazy. The Pope would

go bye-bye. But then,

what if you hated the Pope? What if there's people out there

with a lot of ill will towards the Pope?

Who hates the Pope? Oh, man. Who could hate the Catholic Church?

Because of his bad pics. Damn.

What would they ever do? That would be the worst thing the

Catholic Church has ever done if the Pope gave out a loser. If the Pope lost money? Yeah.
Damn. That would suck.
Is there no integrity anymore? Okay. I'm going to take my favorite, and you guys are going to say that this is bullshit that I'm taking, but I think the Bears are going to kill the Chargers.
I do. I do, because I think the Bears, this is a perfect game for the Bears because the Chargers offensive line is terrible.
The Bears are going to feast and I'm going to get sucked back in for them to then suck later on. But this is one of those games where they win and everyone's like, the Bears are back, including me.
They're not, but they're going to win this game. What you're describing is your own personal Kirk Cousins.
Correct. Yeah, okay.
But I know I can see it all all. I see it all in front of me.
That doesn't mean I won't get

duped, but I see it all in front of me. They will win

this game easily because

the Chargers offense has problems.

Their offensive line has problems.

Chargers are a soft football team.

The Bears defense will show up

because there's been a lot of questions

like,

we know the Bears offense sucks, but

is the defense now overrated?

They'll fucking show up for that. Here's a little fun

stat. The Broncos took

So, It's like, we know the Bears' offense sucks, but is the defense now overrated?

They'll fucking show up for that.

Here's a little fun stat.

The Broncos took Brock Osweiler at 57 in the same draft that the Seahawks took Russ at 88.

Okay, well, both have a Super Bowl.

So there you go.

That's true.

Yeah, one-to-one.

Also, who's been paid more?

That would be an interesting stat to actually see. Russ now, but for a while.

No, he's guaranteed more, but Brock might still be ahead in career earnings. Yeah, that true.
Like in his bank account. That's true.
He's probably also had more sex. Okay, Hank, go ahead.
Oh. Hank's really high when we're doing this show right now.
I gave Hank a special brownie. I said make sure you're recording.
Have you not been recording? No, I haven't. I have been.
Okay. Gave him a special brownie.
What happened? Two two hours ago told him just as a thing like hey this will be nice for you to take before you go to bed one night that's not what you said popped it right in his mouth that's not what you said i honestly forgot we were recording so early but you're like here i got you a brownie i was like great i ate it and then whatever but that's not that's my bad podcasting well hi hwood story. Podcasting.
Let this be a warning to all you youngsters out there that think drugs are cool. Yeah.
It's your fault. Once again, PFD's influence is borderline to the show.
You are a drug dealer. I am a drug.
I'm a drug chef. Yeah.
Okay, Hank. Your underdog.
Chiefs. What do you think? My question for you is, what do you think the line would be if Mahomes was playing?

It would probably be, well, injured as he is now.

Like if he was...

Last week, as of last week.

Where was that last week?

I don't know, Chiefs probably minus three.

So he's probably worth seven points.

I think it's worth a little bit less.

Andy Reid's a good coach.

I think they're going to win outright.

Okay.

Okay.

All right.

Interesting.

Wrong.

Is that it for you?

Wrong.

No, the end of the day. worth a little bit less and to read a good coach i think they're gonna win out right okay okay all right interesting wrong uh is that it for you wrong no yeah this is underdog you're underdog are you did you have any brownies no i haven't had a single brownie mexican standoff not i haven't touched a single brownie okay pft you're underdog my underdog that's my fault i need to i need to hand walk you guys yes you're not doing a very good job of directing traffic right now.
Yeah, it's really hard to be like, Hank, you're underdog and knowing you go next. There's definitely something about being around somebody that's high that makes you feel like you're high.
Yeah, for sure. Contact high.
Because you're not on the same wavelength. Yeah.
Absolutely. My underdog.
Are we doing down unders, Hank? We should do down unders again at some point. Sure.
My underdog is Jets at Jacksonville. So I like the Jets.
I like six and you like sam donald i like sam donald's not gonna see ghosts down in florida this week it's too i checked the humidity too much humidity for ghosts i'm loving it uh jaguars fans actually should dress up as ghosts yes that'd be fucking funny wouldn't it yes they should wear sheets to the game well well you probably check your grandfather's closet deep enough yeah um All right. My underdog is going to be the Giants plus six and a half.
I'm buying as low as possible on them. Also, the Lions.
Here's a little tip. Whenever your team trades a team captain midseason, that's not good.
So the Lions traded Quandary Diggs, and they had the classic every guy on the team react on Twitter and be like, what the fuck?

Sounds like Matt Patricia really has the pulse of that locker room. Yeah.

Darius Slay was not happy.

So I think the Giants are going to be pretty live underdog there.

I like that pick.

Over.

My over, down over, is 41 Bears.

Okay.

Okay.

Worst, the Bears are the only offense in the NFL who have not had a 300-yard game yet.

Thank you. Down over is 41 Bears.
Okay. Okay.
Worst, the Bears are the only offense in the NFL who have not had a 300-yard game yet. But the Saints over was the easiest over of all time.
True. Using that logic and applying it to this game.
True. Okay, remembering what you did last week.
Okay. Yeah.
I just don't see Phillip Rivers being able to throw a pass longer than 25 yards, though. Also true.
That's an issue. Neither quarterback.
Yeah. It's not a passing game.
It's a perfect matchup. Yeah.
My over is Denver and Indy, 43. And that number is just way too low.
Yeah. And as I said, it's Swag Kelly revenge game.
Yes. The Peyton Manning Bowl.
All right. I'll take over Raiders, Texans, over 51 and a half.
I think that one's going to be a shootout. That one's going to get out of hand.
Both of those teams are horses, too. The Broncos and the Colts.
That's wild. Got the horses in back.
That's wild. Hank, you're under to finish it off.
The Patriots, Jarvis Landry, gave both material, even though it wasn't really a guarantee. It doesn't really matter because whether or not the context of what he said, the Patriots players and coaches saw the quotes on Twitter being like, Jarvis Landry guaranteed a victory against the Patriots.
That's all they need. Yeah.
So he said, we're going there to win, which is essentially saying where you're playing to win the game. You want to win when you play.
How dare he? How dare he? But then it became Jarvis Landry guaranteed a win against the Patriots. Then he trended on Twitter and the rest is history.
Right. That's all you really need.
Correct if you're the Patriots. You just need the quote.

It doesn't matter if it's true or not, but if the quote is there, you can take that and use it.

Correct. I like how the blame and shame media works both ways to motivate the Patriots.

So if the blame and shame media blames and shames a Patriot, it becomes fuel on the fire for that week in bulletin board material.

And when they blame and shame somebody else, then boom, that's also bulletin board material for the Patriots.

Do you think that the Patriots actually have a bulletin board?

What percentage of NFL teams use a bulletin board?

I think they do.

I'll bet Ernie Adams and Tom Coughlin has one.

Yeah.

Ernie Adams' entire office, you know how some people have the chalkboard paint on their

walls?

It's just bulletin board material on every single wall.

Patricia has a bulletin board.

Yeah.

For sure.

His scooter was probably made out of bulletin. Yeah,

he just,

yeah,

that,

that weird,

uh,

whatever that cork board,

cork board.

Yeah.

Uh huh.

Um,

by the way,

a little fun fact for you,

Hank,

ready for this?

The Patriots,

if you are someone who likes the T's,

T's,

the Patriots and the under.

Yeah.

Every single time this year,

seven and oh,

seven and oh.

Okay.

So just a little fun fact for everyone out there.

Can we do a fun fact?

Uh, six years. Yeah, THC gets out of your system about 28 days.
I never learned about teasers, and I feel like I'm too late in the game to understand what they are. So teasers, when you tease, you're only teasing yourself teasing yourself yep because you get to move the line six to seven points depending on what your book is and uh i think at bet mgm it's six so you get to move the line but you have to win both games so you could if you if you were doing it for the patriots game the patriots you could move the patri be minus 7 and the over-under would be 52.
So you do under 52, Patriots minus 7. You have to win both.
And then you're contractually obligated to say, so-and-so ruined my teaser. Right.
No one's ever won a teaser. That's another fun fact.
It's just that people complain about losing them because they seem like such an easy bet. Right.
And the only times you really should tease is when you are teasing plus one and a half, plus two, plus two and a half. Because then you're going across double football numbers.
So you're going past three, four, and seven. You know what I might do? I might just tease everything this weekend.
Just make it an edging weekend for myself. Just tease myself until I can't stand it anymore.
Listen. I'm going to do some teasing this weekend.
A teaser is fun. You never win, but it is fun because you think yourself, wow, like the 49ers, I could tease

them to zero or plus a half.

They won't lose.

You know what?

I'm going to do the big tease right now.

Okay.

Lay it on me.

Let's do it.

Six points.

Big tease.

Wait, wait.

Let's finish the unders and then do the big tease.

All right.

So I'll do the Panthers 49ers under 42. I think both teams are just going to run the ball.
You're under. Run the ball, run the ball, run the ball.
Pump the ball. My under is going to be the Giants at the Lions, 49 and a half.
Okay. As we discovered last week, Daniel Jones does suck.
Yes. So I think the Lions defense is going to come out swinging.
All right. Big tees.
PFT. Okay.
Let's see. Let's it together.
Let's everyone throw in a tease piece, and we'll have a PMT tease. Okay, I'm trying to.
The PM tease. All right, so everyone throw in one tease piece, and that will be.
So we're giving you winners left and right. It's actually insane.
The teasers and the Moneyline Parlay, the can't lose Moneyline Parlay. Okay, I have my tease piece.

I have my portion of the tease piece.

Okay, go for it.

I'm going to tease the Bucks plus two and a half to plus eight and a half.

Bucks two and a half to plus eight and a half.

That's one piece of our teaser.

Okay, I'm going to take...

Hang on.

Hank is squinting.

He's high.

He just learned what teasers are.

This may not work.

Yeah, right. This is a high guy.
Bucks two and a half to... I've got seven and a half right here.
What? The Bucks? Yeah. Are seven and a half right now? The teas I have right now is...
Oh, it's plus one and a half to plus six and a half. I mean, plus seven and a half.
Yeah, so it takes plus seven and a half. Okay.
Hank, your piece of the tease. Is Chargers plus 14 right?

No.

Fuck.

This is just the worst segment.

You tell me.

Tell me.

You give me mine.

The Chargers you can tease to 9.5.

Okay.

I'm going to do that.

PFTs?

I'm very confused.

We'll do the big tease next week.

Okay?

We'll keep this in.

We'll keep the big tease next week.

No, no, no.

We weren't ready for the teases.

We weren't ready.

All right. Let's get to our interviews before we do that.
So BetMGM, like I said, we're going to be live streaming from the office on Sunday in the witching hour. Remember, if you go to BetMGM, it's the home for PMT this football season.
If you're a new user, sign up with code PMT and make your first deposit of $10 or more and get 12 free $10 bets, $120 value, so you can bet the board this weekend and get your

witching hour insurance.

Okay, let's do fancy fuckboys and we'll get to CM Punk.

What's up, boys?

It's Zooty Zucchini.

My stardom is Mixer. Yeah, that's right, streamers.
The gamer named Shroud joined Ninja. He dicks Twitch and joined the Mixer community.
Oh, shit, Bennett and Donald. Huge day for Neds and Mixers.
I don't know what this is. It's also good for vodka.
You get a nice Mixer. Helps it go down.
Pick Whitney, you get a little club soda. Yum, yum.
Yeah, the club soccer girls team comes over. I like it.
My sit-em is Zuck. Zuckerberg.
Oh, fuck. Zuck.
Guy was on the hill this week. His haircut fucking stinks.
He looks like Caesar. It looks like his forehead is eating the back of his ears.
And my sleeper is Cortland Sutton. Cortland Sutton.
Jeez. Jeez Louise.
Sudi. No more Daniel Sanders.
He's the wide receiver number one. He's getting a lot of looks.
You can pick him up. He's the sleeper.
You're so not high. Not high.
Not high. You keep saying it to me and now it's getting in my head.
You're really high. You're really fucking high.
Oh yeah you are. What's up you fuckheads? This is Pierre D'Alecto.
I'm starting this weekend. Short guys.
That's right. Short guys.
It's short kink season. Tariq Cohen, he's going to have a bounce back.
Darren Sproles, Nickel Robey Coleman. Forget about hot girl summer.
It's time for not tall fall. That's what I'm talking about.
Let's cook, boys. I'm sitting Odell Beckham Jr.'s fashion sense.
That's right, the NFL. They find him because his pants didn't cover up his knees.
Went to wearing some culottes. Went to wearing some pedal pushers.
The Victorian NFL complex back at it again. Sit him.
Shorts. Shorts.
And he also went and got Tom Brady a big gift. He got him a pair of boots that were made out of goat hair because he's the goat.
What? Boots? I'm going to give Blake Bortles a pair of top-siders because he's the boat. Nice.
My sleeper is NyQuil. Yeah.
You've been taking a lot. And PFD's dead or whatever his name is.
Pierre Delecto, I'm back. Pierre Delecto.
Sleeper NyQuil. load up on it, boys.
This weekend, sleep that cold off.

All right.

Well, what's up, guys?

It's Ricky Rigatoni.

My stardom is David Ross.

When would it ever be a bad idea to hire everyone's best friend to be the manager and boss?

That's not going to be bad at all.

You don't crap where you eat?

No.

Sit him.

CJ Mosley on the Jets. Ian Rappaport reported that they're doing a deep dive into his groin as we speak.
That guy's about to fuck and suck. They were never able to do a deep dive into Brett Favre's groin.
My sleeper is the Badgers. The Badgers are not going to beat Ohio State, but maybe.
No, probably not. I'm pulling for you.
Maybe. I'm pulling for you, Ricky.
That's the sleeper. All right.
Oh, man. By the the way zuckerberg did you know that his haircut he actually is like obsessed with caesar yeah and that's why he has the haircut yeah what a weird somebody in congress told him they were like hey you know whenever i put a picture up on your app i always get roasted for my appearance just like everybody out there is making fun of your haircut right now like right to his face that's so good and then since he's a robot he didn't understand that it was a joke but he just identified her as an enemy that he will kill he's like i will slice your neck when when i take over the capital you will be the first yes um okay let's get to our interviews first up we have cm punk when your home system or appliance breaks down american home shield will help fix or replace item, no matter its age.
Visit AHS.com slash listen for 20% off any plan. See AHS.com slash contracts for coverage details, limitations, and exclusions.
Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. You know him as CM Punk.
He is Phil Brooks. He's got a movie coming out.
It's Girl on the Third Floor. It's in select theaters on the 25th do people still call you cm punk everybody does that bother you though no okay cool so we can go see him punk yeah okay so the movie's coming out the whole the whole reason i got saddled with that name is because punk was my nickname ever since i was like eight years old anyway so it's you know yeah i think phil is a great name that like it's an awful name i love it really yeah it's like a guy's bill yeah Yeah, no, that's a guy's guy.
That's my white accountant name. It's a buddy.
You can't be mad at Phil. That's just Phil.
Phil's a glue guy that you call Phil, and he definitely comes over with at least a 12-pack. Yeah, that's not me.
That's not you specifically, but I'm saying Phil in general. Phil's a guy you can be like, hey, who should we take to the game? Oh, Phil can come.
I've never seen it from this point of view. I guess you are a bad example of, yeah, yeah.
Phil and Doug, I would say like a Doug and a Phil are always welcome in my living room. I just think maybe because of my image, because of the way I look, and everyone knows me as punk when they're like, your name's Phil? Yeah.
That's true. It's a little off-putputting so the movie uh let's talk about that first so what made you want to get into it like you know make this movie what's what's been the evolution since cm punk was no longer cm punk and is now phil uh well just being uh asked to do this movie i thought was very flattering i've been asked to do um numerous projects and I've always said no to stuff for one reason or another, but this one was hard to say no to for a million different reasons.
It's very Chicago-centric. Travis Stevens is the writer and the director, and he has produced some of the best horror movies in the last 10 years, in my opinion.
He produced Udurowski's which isn't a horror movie it's a documentary about the movie Dune done Starry Eyes We Are Still Here Steve Albini is attached doing the soundtrack and the score and just honestly based on all that I was like oh fuck I'm in I don't get on I don't got to get on a plane that's a big thing it thing. You know, I get to, I get to be in bed with my wife and my dog every night.
Yeah. Awesome.
Let's, let's do it. Uh, and then I read the script and it was good too.
So I was like, Ooh, that's awesome. Do you like performing, uh, in, in front of a camera? Because it doesn't give you the same reaction that you get, you know, coming up through wrestling and MMA, you're in front of an audience.
So if you do something awesome, you get that instant feedback, right? Yeah, it's instant gratification. What am I saying? Gratification.
Gratifaction. Gratifaction.
Snactics faction. Stratics faction.
You got it. But you don't get that immediate hit.
You don't get the endorphins if somebody's booing you or if somebody's cheering you right you know you're performing for a camera so is that like how different is that for you and which one do you like better it's it's extremely different and it's it can be a little jarring especially in this movie the first two weeks of the shoot was me and a dog that's it that's kind of cool i didn't have anybody to play with yeah it's cool until you realize no not my dog until you realize like you do the shoot and there's literally it's literally like okay now look at the dog cut and I would be how was that and they'd be like it's fine

we're moving on. And I was like, okay.
Was it one of those really well-trained dogs? Yeah. Oh, the dog's name in real life is Riker.
He plays Cooper in the movie. They changed the dog's name in the movie? Yeah.
That's kind of fucked up. Nah, this dog was such a pro.
How do you decide the dog's name? Like, in a script, you're like, I need the dog's name to be Cooper? That would be a question for writer, director, producer Travis Stevens. I would just roll with Riker.
It's like, that's the name of the dog. Did you think that the dog loved you? The dog for sure loved me.
Or is it just a really good actor? That would break my heart. Yeah, if I found out.
If the dog saw you right now, do you think he'd say hi? Sure. You think so? Yeah.
You walk down the street. That dog, Riker's coming, and you're like.
Riker was like a retired, I don't know if he was a police dog or if he was in the army. I can't remember.
But Riker was legit. Okay.
Yeah. All right.
More legit than me, and he was a better actor than me, too. Yeah, I've always wanted to meet these dogs that are like super well i have a dog who's just not trained at all he was oh so yeah so i always just wonder like oh that's kind of cool to have a dog that actually listens yeah that's awesome yeah yeah we should have an acting dog on the show sometime yes the rest of the interview will be dog questions yeah okay uh what kind of dog do you have uh he's a mutt.
Same with mine. Yeah.
Did you rescue from? We rescued him from Paws in Chicago. Same with me.
Same with my dog. I always do charity stuff with them all the time.
Clybourne one? Yeah. Yep.
Same with mine. With the PetSmart right across the street? Yep.
Yep. Yep.
That used to be my job. I used to sell used dogs in front of PetSmart.
Used dogs? Yeah. I would take homeless dogs and I'd set up a little kennel for them in front of the pet smart or the petco and then i'd wave at the cars passing by with a little puppy wave is this real life yeah yeah then they'd pull over and then they'd look at the dogs and i'd be like here's a great dog for you you sir you look like you could use a malamute yeah bootleg dog salesman yeah exactly yeah the only problem I have with paws is that they give the dogs names and

they're always terrible. Yeah.
What was your

dog's name? Mama. Mama? Yeah.

And then what'd you name him? Stella. Stella.

Okay. What about yours?

He was Baylor. Okay.

Yeah. And we named him Larry.

Larry's a great dog name.

That's a good dog name. I like Larry.

That's good. That's good.

Is it weird to be...

You're not retired because you're obviously doing this movie

and you're doing a bunch of stuff, but is it weird to be retired from your profession that everyone knows you from at such a young age? It can be strange because I do feel, and I make the joke with my wife all the time, I'm like, I don't have a job. But in reality, I have like four.
they're just not your normal jobs you know um so yeah sometimes i'm just like i don't know what are you doing today babe oh i'm writing that's my wife she writes what are you doing today well i'm not doing anything i don't have a job right right so it could be a little weird yeah it can be it can be strange do you ever pretend that you have something to do during the day so you like leave the house and you're like, oh, I'm going to work, honey. And then you just go out and go to a coffee shop.
I don't have to lie about it. I just go, I don't know.
I'm going to go out. I'm going to do something.
But I'm the one. I do most of the grocery shopping and everything like that.
So at least I have something to do during the day so I don't go crazy. I saw that you made a comment recently that you would be open to going back to WWE for a very big bag.

What kind of bag are we talking about?

We can negotiate this.

I don't think they have that much money.

So, oh, they don't have that much money.

Yeah, I don't think so.

You sure?

They got a new office they're moving into.

They're spending some money on something.

Do you check the stock every day and you're like, okay, nope, they don't have enough money.

Oh, today they do have enough money.

Go back and forth. How much do stocks? Maybe I could be paid in stocks.
That's an interesting thought. If you were Vince McMahon, how much would you pay you to come back? I think the conversation would have to start at somewhere like, I don't know, 20, 25.
How many Saudi Arabia shows do they have to do to bring back CM Punk? I'm not doing a single one of those. No, I'm saying how many they have to do to get the money to pay you.
I don't know. What's the deal? They make a lot of money.
This sounds so shady. Yeah.
Oh, it's very shady. Come on.
It's very shady. It's like backyard wrestling for MBS.
Yeah. Right? Do you know what you need to do, though? I feel like they still are kind of using, maybe this isn't, I was a big Attitude Era guy, but I watched here and there you know the last 15 years the problem is every time there's a chicago show everyone's like oh punk might be coming back i remember like two or three years ago i watched an entire raw expecting you to come out at rosemont and you need to tweet that and be like do not let them make money off of the idea that i could be coming out i think i think i think me addressing it adds fuel to that.
Oh, you're right. You know what I mean? It's this weird, weird world where it's like it's rumors.
Is he putting on? You don't address the rumors because you add fuel to the fire. You just got to let it let it die.
And they're they're always going to be there and they're always going to take on a life of their own. You know, me coming out and addressing it, I think, puts a spotlight on it do you think vince ever does anything that's not for content no i think that's what he's in that business yeah you know like um like that whole thing with the network and all that like it's it's all content but i think that's the world we live in too i think everybody has their own streaming service now and everybody needs content everybody's producing their own tv show hulu what the fuck hulu's producing their own shows and movies netflix is producing their own shows and movies instead of paying other people for their stuff everybody wants their own ip and that's the smart way to go but yeah i don't think vince does anything without a camera being involved yeah trying to make a show out of it.
Do you think he,

last Vince question,

because I know it's probably annoying.

I don't care. Do you think he,

did he fire you from the,

or terminate you from the WWE?

Do you think that was planned to do it on your wedding day?

Yeah.

Like a total fuck you?

Yeah.

Yeah.

But my perspective was,

it was a gift,

you know?

So,

you know,

he's probably like,

ha ha,

I got him.

And I'm probably like,

and I'm like,

this is pretty sweet. Right.
No, no, no. pretty sweet.
No, I've talked about that ad nauseum. And it's impossible to think that it was anything but done maliciously and on purpose.
But I've also forgiven him for it. I don't hang my hat on it.
You know, like, they didn't ruin my day. And, you know, like, I've just learned from it, like, that just, like, forgiveness is for me and not them.
And, you know, I can forgive, but I don't have to forget. But, I mean, I talked to Triple H two days before that.
And he was like, hey, let's talk. And I was like, can I talk after my honeymoon? My wife wife worked there she asked for the day off to get married so the idea that they didn't know that that was the date and i was getting married is impossible especially i still have the fedex envelope it was bought and paid for on that day to be sent in two days like it it is what it is though it's whatever who cares okay it's a funny fucking story now yeah no it is, I mean, your attitude for it definitely takes, it almost cuts the legs out for Vince being like, ooh, I got him.
It's like, nope. Didn't care.
Yeah, because he counts on people to just get mad at him and like respond to what he's putting out. So if you just run into somebody like yourself, he's like, ah, it is what it is.
Yeah. I got fired on my wedding day.
It's a funny story. It's funny.
That's like, that's the ultimate way to take the piss out of him. Right.
Right. We've played nice here.
We've asked about the dogs. We've talked about Vince.
Let's cut to the chase. How big is Batista's dick? Oh, man.
Huge. Let's see here.
I'm trying to look around. I'm looking around the room to see.
Hold on. I got it.
Look at this arm. You see that? That was that Clorox disinfectant wipes? Yeah.
Yeah. Throw that over here.
Oh, my God. Let me see.
This is the first time that we've actually used these. Jesus Christ.
Nice tossing. Okay.
More of a hockey guy. Yeah.
More of a beer dice guy. I got to hold it.
The weight. That's it? I mean, that's close.
The volume. Okay.
That's close. By the way, we have...
It smells the same, too. We're going to talk about the partying with the Blackhawks after they won the Stanley Cup.
Yes. We also have something else in common.
We both defeated John Cena. You did it in the ring.
I did it because he wanted to fuck my belly button and broke up with Nikki Bella. Oh, no.
It was actually right before he broke up with Nikki Bella. But, yeah.
I have a deep belly button. I showed it to him.
And there's a clip where he was like, I want to fuck that thing. So I thought I'd just share that with you.
You wouldn't be the ugliest thing. Ooh, there we go.
Okay. All right.
So let's talk about it. Sorry, John.
We do. I mean, that's good.
He's a great guy. So we partied with the Blackhawks in 2013.
Did we party together in 2015? Maybe? No. Okay, you weren't on the bus.
I think I was over it by then. You were over it.
I just wanted to go home and go to bed. That was a fun time.
Yeah. That's pretty much the question.
That's a statement. That was a fun time.
Do you remember a fun time? Yeah, it was an insane blast. And I was the only sober guy, I think, in the city that night.
No, Kane was not sober at all. Right.
Yeah. Okay.
I was like, huh? Does that ever get annoying, just hanging out with drunk people? Because I think I would hate hanging out with myself if I was drunk. No, it was amazing.
Well, we were also, you and I were the only two guys who weren't part of the team or like family members on the team on that bus. And I remember looking around because Patrick Sharp brought me and he brought his brother as well.
And I was like, how did I make the fucking cut? Yeah, well, yeah. It was Sharp and his brother.
That's the same thing I said. The whole night I'm going, why am I here? Right.
And it was incredible. And we're just driving around with the Stanley Cup.
I remember the best part was everyone was trying to figure out where it was going. And I kept on tweeting where it was going and people were like, he doesn't know.
And then I just tweeted a picture of it like in my lap. And I was like, yeah, I kind of know.
And it was, I mean, it was a ridiculous night. Yeah, it was, it was a very ridiculous night.
Making it more ridiculous is I had to be in court at like 8am. So I literally literally stayed out with the cup and you and the team all night and literally i went home i put a suit on and then i went to court and i was i must have looked so strung out i was just like oh like you're this guy's straight edge i don't know no exactly exactly but yeah i slept like a baby after that was all, absolutely.
So did you go to one celebration or two of them?

I went to the one.

You went to the one.

In 13, yeah.

Okay.

Did they make you wear big pants to get on the bus?

No.

I heard that that's something that they do with a Stanley Cup a lot of time.

No, we were just invited on the bus.

That was crazy.

So Patrick Sharp invited you?

Yep.

And then who invited you?

Patrick Sharp.

Patrick Sharp invited both of you.

Oh, so I guess we both were Patrick Sharp guys.

So you guys are Sharp Bros and Cena Bros.

Yeah, we were invited together, yeah. Yeah, a life debt to Patrick Sharp for letting me experience that.
Yes. It's amazing.
Absolutely the best. Yeah, because he just picked, he was just like, yeah, just come meet up at the bar.
I thought I was going to get one picture with the cop and just go home. And he's like, all right, we're going to go on the bus now.
And I was like, what do you mean? We're going to go on the bus now. He's like, no, no, we're going on the bus, everyone.
And what a ridiculous process. Like, pull up somewhere, get off the bus, walk into a place.
Everybody does shots, drinks. You're there for, like, a lot of places where you're there for maybe 15, 20 minutes.
And then somebody's just going, come on, let's go. Brandon Bowler's like, let's go, punk.
Let's go. All right.
And then you walk back down. You're back on the bus.
You the bus you're going somewhere else and like that's where me and you like make eye contact and i was just like what am i doing here i don't know we went to like 10 different bars in in the night and just every single one you just walk in everyone like fuck yes yeah it's incredible i don't know how they did it like yeah like i was shot and i wasn't drinking but like those guys like it's it's crazy i guess because they're like athletes and also they work so hard that they, I know that being around those guys after like the second or third day, they all just basically go to sleep for like 24 hours. Yeah.
But then they got to go do the parade. I know.
I know. Like that's always funny.
Everybody's just drunk, hungover, thickest sunglasses you can find just sitting there. Yeah.
What a wild time. The Capitals, I think, stayed drunk for like two weeks when they got the cup.
Yeah they had never won one yeah it was pretty big it was a pretty big deal um i was doing some some research on you uh it turns out that cm punk is a fan of punk music yes so that's interesting uh what's the what's the best show that you've ever been to uh good question um did you go the rancid show on saturday i was there yeah okay yeah how was it uh it was

great i mean brand rancid is a band that never has a bad show they never sound bad they never have a bad set they're just always good they're like they're the they're the new clash you know what i mean where they're just like super professional but still wildly unprofessional in a way.

The best,

I think my stock answer

is I want Super professional, but still wildly unprofessional in a way.

The best, I think my stock answer is I went and saw Rancid play Chicago, and I want to say it was 95 or 96. I think they played, I've seen them play everywhere in Chicago.
They played the Riv, and had rocket from the crypt open and slapstick a local chicago band open for them and like that's the biggest one two three punch i think i've ever seen aside from going to like festivals where you can be like oh i saw rancid and then i saw bad religion and then i saw wu-tang clan you know right just one solitary show but i've seen some i've seen some bangers i've seen some like crazy cro-mag shows you know uh i've seen great sick of it all shows the bouncing souls always do really really well how many shows do you see a year i don't know it depends on where i am in the country and where my friends are. You know what I mean? A lot of the time, that's how it goes.
I was going to be here in New York doing press for my movie anyway, and I came out early so I could go see Rancid and the Misfits. Right.
Because I don't have a real job. Right.
Because you just kind of hang out, which is nice. Yeah, it's not bad.
I train every day. Really? Yeah.
For anything in particular? Are you maybe trying to fight again? No, I just don't want to lose my mind. Okay.
You know what I mean? It's in the back of my head. I haven't closed the door 100%.
If I do fight again, I'm sure it won't be in UFC. I don't think it should be either.
Do you regret that at all? No. I mean, hopping up.
No. Guys can't.
It's very, very hard to just obviously hop into the. I don't regret it at all i mean like hopping up because no guys can't it's very very hard to just obviously hop into the i don't regret it at all yeah no um because it's it's made me it's made me such a better man and i've met so many amazing people and have like life experiences and like great friendships with like my team and my coaches and everything don't regret it at all yeah yeah i mean it's an admirable thing i can't imagine we we have a amateur boxing league that we do pay-per-views and we own the boxing league and i always just say anyone who gets in the ring it's like you get undying respect for me because a lot of people talk but to get in there and know like hey this could go badly is a totally different you know ball game yeah so when was the last time you got punched or just took a hit when did i spar last last week sometime yeah do you are you one of the guys that kind of likes the feeling of pain a little bit uh i don't think anybody likes pain uh i'm definitely one of those guys that it i i need to get woken up yeah yeah i need to get jabbed in the nose really quick to go oh yeah okay yeah let's tighten let's tighten everything up here right right right um all right my last question your tattoos which are obviously a big part of you and you know everything in wrestling and in you know ufc and everything Do you regret any tattoos no none no i wish i had tattoos like yours it's instant respect i think uh when you have as many as i do i think the joke is you don't you're not like you're not you're not tattooed enough unless you do regret a few of them right um but that makes me like more.
You know what I mean? Like going to a tattoo parlor and somewhere in like Southern Indiana with a couple of your friends on a whim and like picking something off the wall that's like awful. That's fucking hilarious.
Yeah. And it's more about the experiences and the people you go with and get bro tattoos with than it is about the actual tattoo.
Because when you're this tattooed, you're, you instant respect you're far you're far gone you should not respect anybody who has tattoos no i well it's stupid it's so stupid which one which one is your favorite uh that's a fantastic question i mean i have um my first dog my dog when i was a kid callie i have her her paw print That's her name. I got my wife's lips right here.

Nice.

And then next to it, I have a bowl of ramen. I like that.
Yeah. Because I love ramen.
Yeah. I mean, there's a lot.
I have a fucking Pepsi tattoo. Like, why? You love Pepsi.
What's your dumbest bro tattoo? The ramen might be my dumbest. That's actually a tattoo I'm looking at it right now it's like well done yeah oh no I mean yeah I mean I got some well done ones I got some ones that are awful uh I do have I got I got the tattoo I tattooed the cup because you were here you shared with me yeah it says my summer vacation oh that's awesome yeah because that was uh it was the first time I was ever off the road in WWE, and I got to go to all the playoff games, and I went to every single one of them.
And then they won, and then I got to party with the cup. So, like, to me.
Were you at the triple overtime game against the Red Wings? Against that one. Yeah.
The one that Seabrook won? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That one and they stopped serving beer.
Well, that doesn't matter. The one, the triple OT with the Bruins too.
Yes. Yes.
That might still be the longest game the Blackhawks ever played. I went to, I probably went to like four or five games during that run.
It was a good. I mean, people were sleeping.
They were like, wake me up when the period starts. I got to go to work in the morning.
And they would just like throw their winter jacket or not throw their jacket over and they would just be like go to sleep right i would like nudge people yes game starting and it's nothing like it when when there's like a deep playoff run what no matter the sport it feels like you're just the wave that you ride during that like month is just something so special well everything changes right i don't give a shit about the Nationals, no offense, or the Braves, and I hate the Cardinals, but I'm watching Cardinals-Braves games like, oh, God, everything changes when it's the playoffs. Because the shit means something.
I think hockey is even more of that, too, because especially overtime hockey in the playoffs, I don't even enjoy watching it. It's just the tension is so high yeah and somebody's about to get their heart broken but you can't look away from it well that's what people ask me all the time they'll make fun of me like yeah blackhawks didn't make the playoffs and i'm over here like i'm like good because i just watched the playoff hockey and i could just watch it and enjoy it i'm not stressed out i'm not pacing in my living room yeah unless you win the stan Cup the playoffs suck yeah pretty much really bad nothing as a Caps fan I've dealt with that for many many years yeah a lot of shit but it was it was all worth it when they did one one last question about the tattoos yeah what's the spider web because I always see the elbow spider web on people and I'm always afraid to ask what it is no so I I got my elbow done because it's supposed to be like the most, one of the most painful places.
It's like just right on the bone, right? Not addicted to pain. Not addicted to pain.
No, no, no. I had fractured my skull, right? Oh, not addicted to pain.
Yeah. I fractured my skull and I got my elbow done to take my mind off of the fact that I had fractured my skull.
And then- Do you realize how ridiculous that sentence sounds? Yeah, it's fucking awful. But I was like, I don't know, 20-something years old.
Half the bad idea about tattoos is the way you have to position your body when you're getting them. Interesting.
So I'm like this, like for three,

four and a half hours. And like,

just your arm goes numb.

And then it's just,

it's super,

super painful.

And the whole time I'm like,

yeah,

my head still hurts.

This is stupid.

This sucks.

It's not working.

Yeah.

Now my head and my arm hurts.

It didn't work at all.

I should have just done drugs.

I don't know.

Oh man.

All right.

Well,

thank you so much.

Girl on the third floor coming out 25th select theaters. Appreciate you stopping by, man.
Video on demand. You can get it on.
You can't call it iTunes anymore, right? You can call it. You can call it whatever we want.
Call it. What do we call it? Apple TV.
Apple TV. Apple TV.
Apple TV. Starring CM Punk and Riker.
And Riker. And Riker.
Who is the star of the movie. I don't know if he would recognize you.
He would. I think he's just really well trained.
Do you think it would be like a head nod?

Or would it be like a full?

It would be a full on gallop into jump chest level.

That's sick.

I'd take a bump.

Yeah.

You've never seen Larry?

I've never seen Larry.

You've never seen Larry?

Well, the story with Larry is my wife and I were laying in bed and we were flipping through

catalogs of rescue dogs. And she said, oh this guy and showed me him and I went hmm he's cute and then the next day I went and got him because I'm a huge horror movie fan and I love the universal monsters and Larry looks exactly like the wolf man so I have oil paintings of all the universal monsters.
Wolfman, Creature of the Black Ladoon, Dracula, Frankenstein. So this is the first picture I ever took of Larry.
I brought him home and I put him right next to my oil painting of the Wolfman and this is why he's named Larry Talbot after the Wolfman. Oh, hell yeah.
Larry's a badass. Holy shit, he does look like the wolf man.
He does. He looks exactly like the wolf man.
That's awesome. Shout out Paul's Chicago.
His attitude. I don't know if you can zoom in.
We will put it in there. Yeah, right there.
That's your mark. Cameras everywhere.
I have actually one last question. What was it like being on a bachelor party with Roan? Was cool um do you remember i wouldn't use cool so ron so people don't know ron went on a john mayer's bachelor party no it was whose bachelor party was our buddy jensen jensen uh his bachelor party john mayor was on it and cm punk was on it and ron was on it yeah it was it was it was crazy um it was a very sober bachelor party.
We went to a pinball museum, like a pinball factory, and then we went to a Sox game. It was wild.
And I super enjoyed hanging out with John Mayer because normally I'm the focal point in the room, and it was nice to be this super gigantic celebrity so people would just flock to him and I would just be over there eating nachos like this is pretty cool I need to do this more often and I noticed you didn't mention Roan so that says it all he was that forgettable but John Mayer, cool I think Roan was busy taking pictures with me and John Mayer Roan is a very good guy it was so crazy that he just like oh yeah I was on a bachelor party with John Mayer. Cool.
I think Roan was busy taking pictures with me and John Mayer. I think that's what.
Roan is a very good guy. It was so crazy that he like just like, oh, yeah, I was on a bachelor party with John Mayer.
He's still as though he's being a little bit of a coward because we keep telling him he's I think there was a group text chain. So we're like, come on, text John Mayer.
He won't do it. Come on, just do it once.
He has one. You can do one where you can be like, hey, man, I'm in the same city as you.

What's up?

And if he doesn't respond, you'll never text John Mayer again.

Yeah.

But you get one.

Yeah.

And he just won't do his one.

Yeah.

It's ridiculous.

Yeah.

It's all of us that were at the bachelor party.

We just talk shit.

Pop one.

Just do one.

Abuse the text chain one time.

Yeah.

One time.

I agree.

I agree.

You get that.

All right.

Well, thank you so much.

We appreciate it, man.

Thank you.

Yeah.

This is a lot of fun.

And everyone go check out Girl on the Third Floor. You can watch it on Apple TV.
Yeah. So do it.
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Okay. Chaos, for example.
Miracle on ice. The miracle on ice.
Whipsnakes are very different. Okay.
No cities. So that rules out.
Sacramento Sacks is out. Yep.
And the Philadelphia beagles are gone too. Food.
Food. Food's interesting.
Like the watermelons. Oh.
Okay. Everyone likes watermelon.

Yeah.

They do.

The merch would be hot.

It's a halftime meal.

What about like, I think the orange peels.

If you name them the hot dogs, then it makes people want to go out and buy hot dogs at

the concession stand.

Yes.

That's interesting.

You see yourself on the back end.

One of my team names was just the dogs.

The?

Or dogs.

Dogs.

Dogs Lacrosse Club. Everyone loves dogs.
Yeah. You just make it dogs.
Right. And it's just dogs.
You're telling me that wouldn't work on the internet? I think it's on the table. Okay.
What about Mad Dog 2020? Ooh. I like Mad Dog.
Here is one other wrinkle is that we have to run these names through legal after i think mad dog owns the it was it was

actually it was really challenging but they may not in sports okay so the tricky part when we

first had our six clubs named we had probably 200 different names with them down to 30 and then we

had our top 15 and then we went through legal checking of all of them because you have high

schools colleges pros semi-pro teams and depending on who built the teams filed for trademark

I'm going to start. legal checking of all of them because you have high schools colleges pros semi-pro teams and depending on who built the teams filed for trademark all right so let's get let's let's get three we'll cut we'll come up with three and then you can do the whole legal mumbo jumbo and then that one of those three will work so let's start with the bad ones okay uh the rain city jacks yes i like it why uh Because it's cool.
It's a masturbation club in Seattle.

Okay.

Is it?

Yes.

You do a good job pretending not to know what's Rain City Jacks.

Okay.

See, that one.

I'm familiar with lovers in Seattle.

That one would be good.

Yeah, yeah.

That would be good.

Sex toy store.

Rain City Jacks.

What about the Vine Stars?

Because you kind of have like there's, you know, like the Vine with the nets and everything. And then the names are similar.
Yeah. Vine no longer exists.
But when it did, it was great. It was great.
And I'm sure that a bunch of lacrosse dudes tried to be Vine stars. And I'm like, my backup plan is lacrosse.
Right. Vine stars.
The Vine stars. I like that you guys are going with two names to start.
So it would be Vine Stars Lacrosse Club. Yes.
Ooh. Yes.

VS. Yeah, okay.

All right, so that one didn't land. All right.
What about the Redskins? Mm. No? Well, you know, we grew up in D.C.
The short answer is no. Okay.
And then I'm especially scarred over the last two decades of Daniel Snyder's ownership of the Washington Redskins.

I think the Washington Redskins should change their name.

I do, too.

Yeah.

And it has nothing.

Even if you think that the name is great and not offensive, you should still want them to change their name.

To the Whipsnakes.

Rebrand.

Yeah.

Washington Whipsnakes.

Great name.

We would sue Daniel Snyder.

Okay.

Yeah, that's true.

That would be fun.

Dan Snyder, do that.

Let's see.

What about the pipe fitters?

Because then you can get, you know, I think that's lacrosse vernacular, right?

Pipes.

Pipes, yeah.

You hit the pipes, whatever.

Yeah.

And then you can also maybe get your local union to be involved as well.

Interesting.

The pipe fitters.

Right.

Right.

Union's hot in the streets.

Pipe hitters or fitters?

Ooh, pipe hitters.

Pipe hitters, but then you're smoking weed. Yeah, that's right.
Get Chris Long involved. What about pipers? Nope, that's too much.
Probably not pipers. Yeah, not going to help our stereotype.
What about Wesley Pipes? I like that. And that's actually something.
That people say? Often. In lacrosse? Hit the bar, flies out.
That's a Wesley Pipes? Wesley Pipes. And he's, I think, I don't think he has any money anymore, so we could probably get him for cheap.
Yeah, pipe it up. Pipe it up.
Just anything with pipe in it, really. Yeah.
The bag pipers. The pipers.
Just the pipers. And they wear kilts.
Yeah. So back to pipers? Pipers.
Pipers. Pipers.
Pipers Lacrosse Club. Okay.
It's good to put that on the piece of paper. All right.
All right. All right.
That one's out there. The Hanks.
As I look over to Hank. The Hammer and Hanks.
I don't love it. The Hammers.
I love it. I mean, it's...
Hammers. Hammers are interesting.
Hammers. Hank's partially responsible for growing the sport to this point.
Okay. Hammers.
What about the cheddar? The cheddar's a thing, lacrosse, right? Cheddar, yep. Or stinky gouda.
The stinky cheese. Stinky cheese.
That would be good because it also would be like... It's not the, though.
You've got to think of the name and then lacrosse club coming after. The stinky cheese lacrosse club.
Yep. That works.
But it's just stinky cheese. But it also would be cool because it's like Archers, Atlas, Chaos.
These names suck. Stinky Cheese.
Right. And then it's a good one.
And just a stinky piece of cheese as our logo. Oh, man.
I didn't get that during the first interview we had. Oh, yeah.
We were being nice to you. Because Erica told us that she invested in it.
Well, now collectively we're all owners. True.
Bet on this team. Oh, that's my horse.
My horse racing idea is just keep being like surefire winner. We're trying to figure out a deal with Barstool Bets right now.
Okay. Just the winners.
Barstool Bets. How about Eruption? Oh.
I like that. That's a good one.
In a sexual way or volcanic? Volcanic. Or Van Halen.

But then people will be mad because it's like, oh, my great, great, great, great, great,

great grandmother died in Mount Vesuvius.

Yeah.

Toss a few more greats on there.

Great, great, great, great, great.

Yeah.

Times a billion.

Eruption Lacrosse Club.

That's pretty cool.

The disruptors, the eruptors.

Oh, disruptors with no vowels.

That feels pretty techy, though.

Yeah.

It kind of goes into the lacrosse vibe.

Oh, maybe our

jerseys are turtlenecks.

Right. It's black turtlenecks.

Yeah, I like that. What's the name of the

fucking scheme that the woman

had? Oh, the blood one.

Thanos.

Oh yeah, Thanos. There it is.

Her and Steve Jobs.

I was just thinking the aardvarks because get all that phone book clout going

where it's the first alphabetically.

So it always shows up at the top of the table.

Yep.

Week one, they're always in first place.

I like that.

What about the pigeons?

That's interesting.

Yeah.

Pigeons don't get a lot of love.

And we could make a funny looking, you know.

It was a big street brand, right?

Was it?

Yeah.

Thank you. Yeah, pigeons don't get a lot of love, and we could make a funny-looking, you know.
It was a big street brand, right? Was it? Yeah. Pigeon? What was the pigeon streetwear brand that had the pigeon as a logo? Oh, yeah, I don't know if that was called.
Staple Pigeon. Staple Pigeon.
Spin chiclets. Hmm.
Okay. I like pigeon.
All right, so we have, so far we have nothing. Well, hammers, I thought, hammers? I like hammers.
Are we into hammers? What about, I don't know if the copyright, but if you just called it Marvel. Marvel Lacrosse Club.
We would get our asses sued. Not bad.
I like that a lot. But isn't Marvel like you're marveling at someone? Like, Marvel is just a word, isn't it? We could say it in satire.
Absolutely. Yeah, the Jordan brand lacrosse club yeah what about the uh the grit the grit grit lacrosse grit would be good grinders because that actually falls into like the atlas the chaos grit grinder g-r-i-n-d-r no no one of the the seventh seventh, or at least the team looking on the outside or looking in from the outside when we announced our first six clubs was Nova's.
Okay. Didn't like it.
Nova, no. No, not really.
You know what? If you thought that was going to be awesome, it wasn't. Well, we didn't go with it, but it's developed.
It's easy to plug and play. Nope.
In Spanish, that means doesn't go.

No.

Yeah, I think that's right.

Novas.

Is that right?

No, I don't like that.

I don't like Novas.

Sorry.

The Chads.

Chadwick's.

The Chadwick's.

What about the Phenoms?

That's good.

Phenom Lacrosse Club.

I think the NBA does that, right?

Is there a Phenom?

For their rookie versus sophomore game. Isn't it like the Phenoms Lacrosse Club.
I think the NBA does that, right? Is there a Phenom? For their... Phenom Lacrosse Club.
Their rookie versus sophomore game. Isn't it like the Phenoms against somebody? Yeah, but it's not a team name.
How did you come up with 300 names? This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Like the Ultras.
The Michelob Ultras? We took that to ABI. And what'd they say? No thanks.
They were interested, but... You have to play lacrosse on a pair of rollerblades.

They had to pay.

Yeah.

The Stones.

They didn't want to pay.

Ooh.

What about the Wiz?

Stones, Wiz.

But an H.

Nobody beats them.

Right, but it's an H instead of the Wizards.

It's Cheese Wiz.

So it's like getting back to cheese.

We're going to keep going back to cheese.

Wait, what was your last one?

I don't know.

Fuck. What did we have, Hank? What did he just say? Phenom? No, no, what did PFT just say? The stones.
The stones. Phenom, stones.
And you could work something out with Keystone for stones. Yep.
But stones is just cool. There's like stones, it means balls.
It could mean rolling stones. I like that.
I mean, a stone is tough. A stone is- Rock star.
Yeah, rock star. Someone who's tough.
Rocking it out with the stones. What about the waves? Risk aggressive.
Yeah. The waves are good.
The waves? Like that. We don't have any...
The goons. The water beasts, do we? We have no water beasts.
Water beasts. Get wavy.
Water beasts. No, I call it a water...
The kraken. An animal.
The wooders. Stay wavy.
The Wooders. That fucking, you know, the beast.
Yeah, I get Billy. Yeah, the Wooders.
We have an inside joke at our office when someone's really off. We tell them that they need to go drink some water.
Uh-huh. That's a great inside joke.
I think everyone back at home probably got a kick out of it. It must be funny.
Is it in Landra? Keep that inside. I need some water.
No matter what you said there, we were going to have that reaction, just so you know. You could have said the funniest thing ever, and we were not going to sell that joke.
The wicked tuna. The wicked tuna.
Salmon. What about? Salmon or Salmon? What do you say? Salmon.
Salmon. The salmon.
Salmon. Damn, this is fun.
I like the water beast. The water beast? It's not a thing.
I know what you're doing. I don't like it.
Oh, you don't like that? No, no. I literally...
No, you have a list. You have a list.
And you're... You're pushing your name.
No, no. I thought you said I have a list, which I also do.
I would do the water beast. The water beast.
We can get best of both worlds. There is a...

Gosh, there is a water animal.

What about...

Fire salamanders.

Oh.

Love that.

That's good.

There is some type of a...

Can you do that, though?

Like an angry salamander out there that is also of Native American descent.

Well, the fire salamanders, they're immune to fire, right?

We learned that.

What else did we learn about the fire salamanders?

Types of salamanders.

We would actually be very much into doing the fire salamanders if that actually has a lot of meaning to us oh here's one here's a salamander mud puppies that would be a sick name because now you got the dog you got the it's a cool name sounding name mud puppies mud puppies yes it's a type of salamander. Do you think we get pushback from any animal protection agency? No.
Mud puppies? No, and then we could make it. It's a salamander? Yeah, we could make, like, it could be, the logo could be a puppy wearing a shirt with a salamander on it.
I like the direction we're heading down. The mud puppies.
Okay. Could it just be a dirty dog? Yeah, it could be just a dirty dog.
I do like the dog, too. People love dogs.
Dogs. Dogs across them.
Just dogs. Because then it's not even...
Are we putting together a list? You are. You're supposed to be.
Someone write these down. These are good.
Dogs. I think dogs would just play.
Dogs plays. Absolutely.
The Mastiffs. What about the underdogs? The mutts.
The mutts. Yeah.
The thoroughbreds. Thoroughbreds.
Hmm. The breeders.
That's prices some people out. Yeah.
The breeders lacrosse club. Yeah.
Now we're getting these kind of dangerous territory. Yeah.
Back to Marvel. Yeah.
Let's see. Poppies.
Giant salamander. Poppies.
I think if we go salamander, we got to go fire salamander puppies giant salamander puppies i think if we go salamander we got to go fire salamander fire that's a kick-ass mud puppy sounds pretty damn good uh i'll be honest guys i did not expect in a wide open brainstorm session like this yeah no this is exactly you said it i was like okay cool we're gonna bring like two ideas and then just start yelling shit uh i'm looking up the types of salamanders right now. That's where we're at.
All right, so let's recap what we have so far. We have the dogs.
Let's narrow it down. What do you think our best ones were so far? I like mud puppies.
I think mud puppies, and you could actually just have it be a mud puppy, not a salamander, but we would know it's a salamander. I like mud puppy.
I like fire salamanders. I like Grit.
I think Grit just plays always.

Yep.

Stones.

Stones.

Phenom.

We got to leave Phenom in there.

That one worked for me a little bit.

What about the Wet Dogs?

No one likes to play a wet dog.

Sweaty Fat Guys.

The Waves.

The Waves.

Waves was in there.

The Waves.

We can't do colors before? Waves could be a be a cool well that would be step two is identity build what do you mean the type of logo color sign what your pronouns around i'm voting mud puppies everyone gets their own vote let's throw them out there um so you're gonna take all four of these i'm gonna take these four to the people and we're gonna you're gonna whittle it down i think there's uh i don't want to sell this whole process short meaning you guys have a ton of creative creativity upstairs so i want to take these names and then i want to let them simmer come back to you you guys over text, see if there's anything else that... Circle back.
Circle back. Put a pin in it.
See if there's any other names that come to mind, add them to the jar, potentially take it to the people, but I'd like to make the decision between us. Yes.
Okay. I might come back with few names, too.
But here's my problem with what you guys have right now. The logos are a little too, like, harsh.
So we need something that can be... Like, I don't know if you saw the Chilladolfe Beagles logo.
I did. Like, that sells.
I do like that. I did like that logo.
We could just go Beagles. We could just go Beagles and just have it be chill-ass Beagles.
You guys have probably already trademarked that. We did.
We own all the Beagles in the world. But it needs to be a logo that's like...
We need brand synergy, though, with the rest of the teams, right? It can't stand out too much. That's right.
Oh, wow. I think we should stand out a lot.
The problem is, though, I'm looking at the logos right now. It's too industrial for my liking.
I need something about like, I want to wear. It's like a goofy kind of cool logo.
Like think dive bar. That's what we need to think.
What about the Huskies? But it's not like a dog. It's just a picture of big cat wearing a sweatshirt.
That works too. That would probably work.
Big and tall. Yeah.
The Huskies. Big and tall.
We could corner the market of guys who are just not okay with themselves being called fat. I love the Huskies.
Yeah. But it's taken.
By everyone. Oh, yeah.
Well, no, but that's S-K-I-E-S, right? Mm-hmm. This is Husky as in like fat.
Yeah. Not fat.
Not fat as in prominent. And it would be singular? Husky? Yeah.
Husky. The Husky.
Husky with Ross Club. Yeah, like I'm looking at it right now.
I want our logo to totally stand out. I want our logo to be, you got harsh industrial looking stuff, and then it's just like a cute ass puppy.
Boop. The boops.
What about the boops? There's definitely room for a dog on there. Yes.
I like the idea of a wave, some type of killer or fire salamander. What about the wave dogs?

The wave dogs.

And it's a dog surfing a wave.

The wave dogs.

Let's do it.

The wave dogs would be good.

That's a cool name.

Uh-huh.

Because no one has used wave dogs, right?

Do they exist?

Yeah, they have the surfing competitions.

That's my vote. That's my vote, wave dogs.
What kind of dog would it be, though? Use your imagination. So it's just an outline of a dog.
Correct. And then you just look at it.
Right. You just get to color in whatever dog you want.
Right. We could actually sell more shirts that way because people can do their custom-owned dogs.
You could put your dog on it. Your dog here.
Designer breed. Terriers.
Terriers. Turf dogs.
Turf dogs. Ooh.
Turf dogs? What about the lettuce? People get a kick out of turf dogs. Is that something that lacrosse people say? Yeah, I think a turf dog.
Brett, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that something like a sock worn a certain way to prevent the black beads in the turf to get into your cleat called turf dogs? I'm pretty sure that's the case. You've never heard of it.
Turf dog would be good, though. Turf dogs, yeah.
I think the logo could be a dog, like, scraping turf up, like, between its legs, like, digging a hole. Right.
Or, like, splayed out on the turf. Rolling around.
Like, in front of a net. Could you get amped in a huddle yes shearing turf dog on three absolutely probably just switch it up to wave dog turf dog turf dogs on three one two three turf dogs i think that plays that does and then you go yeah bark on three one two three you say turf and then you start barking the turf yeah yeah it's a little.
Yeah. And then we sell, and like I said, the logo is like a really cute dog that's totally different than all your other logos.
In those sports huttles, you can get away with and convince anyone to say anything if you say it confidently and quickly. It's true.
You just said bark on three. One, two, three, bark.
I didn't think about going, I said bark. Yeah.
Right. That's true.
Right. It's just so robotic at this stage and on top of that turf dogs you shorten it tds now we're talking about a real sport right all your goals are worth six so now it's like we found our way to football and now we're actually selling stuff i got not i'm i'm stuck on turf dogs so i now this is like my brain, once it finds the one I like, I'm kind of tapped.
Should we open it up to your audience? We could, yeah. But I think we've got some gold in these hills right here.
We definitely do. Western lowland gorillas.
Ooh. Yeah.
There you go. The Harambes.
Our sweet princes. The Harambes.
Harambes. Yeah, Harambes would be awesome.
The WLG. A gorilla would make an awesome lacrosse goal.
Oh, the Gorillas. A really good mascot.
The Gorillas. Goal.
Gorillas. Yeah.
And it's a goalie that's also a gorilla. Yep.
I like that. Okay.
All right. I guess I only like that one.
That's fine. No, no, no.
No big deal. It's fine.
It's hard like, it's hard to say, but I like it. Gorillas.
Yeah. Yeah, you're right.
It is. So just the gorillas.
The goals. Gorillas.
That's good. Yeah.
It's hard to say. All right.
So what's our list? Let's narrow it down to four of the ones that we came out with. You're taking these four to your people.
Okay. Wave dogs.
Fire salamanders. Fire salamanders.
Phenom. Slash mud puppies slash mud puppies pitch those together because it is a mud puppy is a fire salamander big cat is all in on wave dogs reserve the right to go wave i want my team to actually sell march so dogs is the best way wave dogs fire salamander mud puppies turf dogs we also have phenom phenom Phenom.
Grit. And Stones.
Stones. Throw Phenom out.
Yeah, Phenom. That was not my idea.
Yeah, it was. No.
Phenom was my idea. Yeah, I know, but it was on the 300 board yet.
You said, I like that one so quickly. That was a good one.
You already got the logo locked up for it. He covered that time and space category, that moment.
No. No.
That's fucked up. Because it's too much like the other names.
We got a zig on everyone's back. You got to think about the board, Big Cat.
No. These things are not getting through the board.
What was it? Yeah, no, it's true. The board.
The Grit. The Grit.
Grit. The Greyhounds.
Ooh. I'm just doing dogs.
I like that. All roads lead to dogs.
The Bolts. Bring that Bullman.
I think Greyhounds are taken by Loyola University, but I love Greyhounds. That was my first dog.
We rescued a Greyhound. Really? Yeah.
I like Greyhounds, too. His name was Prince.
Prince? Prince Lacrosse Club. Ooh.
That's pretty good. That would be too biased.
about what hank just said the bolts i really like

that because we have a guy named bolt man in san diego who doesn't have a team because the chargers

left we might be able to bring him back out of retirement bolt man i actually really like that

bolts see what i was thinking is if we were across clubs good if we were able to like back our way

into a name here what i was legitimately concerned about is a rush to the USTPO. What's that? Trade pack.
Got it. Bolts.
Bolts. Bolts.
Bolts Lacrosse Club. Nuts and Bolts.
You know there's someone who's listening that's rush ordering this right now. No.
People will be nice about this. I hope.
I hope. I really like really like it okay i don't know where it would land though after a legal check but i could see a logo being fucking amazing would it be a lightning bolt or would it be the piece of hardware i think a lightning bolt just a lightning bolt would sell so much yeah like that's a cool look yeah that is also the grateful dead you'd have a problem with that but that.
But that's okay. We can figure that out.
Right. We know Bill Walton.
Yeah. We could definitely call Bill Walton up and be like, hey, man.
He'd be like, yeah. You know what a cool name is? He's a friend of lacrosse.
Is he? Yeah. Really? Or just like? It's unsure whether it was paid promotion, but he's been out there with a stick promoting indoor lacrosse.
Okay. A cool name is the rainbow warriors because it takes one thing that you don't that that you don't associate with being fierce and you combine it with a fierce name so something like uh i don't know the the pillow fighters oh the pillow fighters pillow fighters pillow biters yeah even better uh grinder presents the pillow biters.
All right, so we have Bolts, Mud Puppies, Wave Dogs, Turf Dogs, Fire Salamanders, and Phenom.

Grit and Stones.

Grit, grit, grit, stone, Phenom.

I think that's good.

I think that's a good list.

Big Cat typed all those into a Google search.

That's his version of John Harbaugh's. Nothing came up.
No, we good on all those dude mud puppies bark mud puppies mate in late fall but the females do not lay their eggs until the following spring mud puppies have no scale and their skin is very slimy mud puppies are also called water dogs because of the barking sound they sometimes make wow that's water dogs yeah water. Wave dogs and water dogs.
Water dogs lacrosse club? Yeah. All right, so we got a good list.
People can get around on water dogs. Water dogs are great dogs.
Yes, they are. And it's not just like there's something called a Portuguese water dog.
That's what Obama had as his dog, but it can also be a Newfoundland. Newfoundland.
Chesapeake Bay. Chesapeake Bay.
Retriever. Retriever, yeah.
They got a nice coarse coat on them that's in your your wheelhouse uh-huh right yeah Chessie Chessie's have sweet the water dogs would go head-to-head with the whip snakes it feels like a very similar type of yes name and and we also like a really funny mascot that uh and we could also call them short for the water dogs right like that would be good yeah you get that's how you can push that through in the office yeah you're like hey you got a great name water dogs and they'll be like oh that's so funny the guys in the office are gonna love that one paul they would love it yeah pfc write that down for them tell that one around the water cooler yeah yeah they're gonna be like damn paul always nails the inside jokes oh it brought them to life All right. I think we're good.
So you're going to take this to the people?

Yes. be like damn paul always nails the inside jokes oh it brought him to life all right now i think we're good so you're gonna take this to the people yes we're gonna get a name out of this and then all the awls are gonna own a lacrosse team you're gonna come back that's how it works yeah if you come back with me now i'm gonna match you yeah i will disavow i'll fight you i won't be allowed back no i'm gonna become a hugenake supporter.
I just hope they beat the shit out of the Phenom. Phenom stinks.

Phenom stinks. We're giving the two things

down. I won't go.
Yeah, I'll stay on the at-lie.

Okay. Alright.
If we do Phenom.

But if we do the Waterdogs. Yeah.

You're going to want a piece of merchandise, right?

Come on. Yeah.
And then Philly people are going to love

it and it's just like Waterdogs.

Boom. Done.

Have it. Bolt is very clean though bolt is clean water dogs and it's a dog inside of a philly cheesesteak eating a water ice and then we'll get to a place soon where we'll make a decision to make it official oh you know what yes you know it could be it's a dog eating a cheesesteak inside of a dumpster that's been filled with water as a pool.

Yeah.

The old Philadelphia swimming pool.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Let me clear the air for a second.

If you were given the opportunity to rename the Washington Redskins,

Yes.

would you go about the process the exact same way?

Brain dump, yeah.

Yep.

Great.

They would be named the Water Dogs.

Yeah.

And I would buy some of that.

This is going down in history.

I would buy some of the Washington Water Dogs. Fuck yeah.
This is going down. Dude, Chesapeake Bay Retrievers, perfect.
It'd be sick. You'd just have a dog, and he'd just walk it on water.
There it is. And instead of having just one dog mascot, you have like 20 of them that run out on the field before the game.
Yes. And take shits all over the pitch.
They just lean into what the internet likes. Dogs.
And water. And cats on occasion.
Nah, nah, nah. You're not going to want it.
Unless they're like ferocious, like lions or tigers. Or unless we're giving one to Hank because Duke lost.
That's another cat that people like. Yes, yes.
Okay. All right, so we've given you enough, I think.
One of these names is going to be the expansion team. The Waterdogs are going to be the name.
I'm excited for it. We're all excited for it.
Go Waterdogs. Yeah, 2020.
Thanks, Paul Rabel. Let's get you guys on the NBC broadcast this time.
Yes. Not during college football.
Or when you're having your second kid. Correct.
Not happening for a while. Don't do that.
Fuck. That would suck if it happened right away.
Okay. Paul Rabel, thank you so much.
And we'll let everyone know because we're going to sell a shitload of merch. Hell yeah.
We are really going to sell a ton of merch. Thanks for having me on, guys.
As long as it's not the phenom. Yeah.
If it's the phenom, we're going to burn the merch. That's fucked up.
It's a bad name. Paul gave you that.
He gave you that. Yeah, he did.
That's fucked up. That interview with Paul Rabel was brought to you by Peloton.
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That sounded nice. Let's do some segments.
By the way, I just got an email. The can't lose money line parlay at BetMGM is boosted to plus 150.
Oh, shit. So Colts, Rams, Packers, plus 150.
Damn. That's going to be nice.
First up, we got Fyre Fest. Hank, is your Fyre Fest that you're so high you can't figure out how to do Fyre Fest? No.
What? What? I said no. Oh.
Go ahead. Okay.
My Fyre Fest, it's been like a week and a half long thing. I just fixed it the other day, but I lost my headphones, and for a week and a half, I've just been coming to and from work without headphones.
That's the worst. How? And I forget.
I go to work, and obviously, I wait until the last minute, so I time it out, so I have to leave right when I leave. Otherwise, I'll be late.
Yep. So then by the time I remember, I'm like, fuck.
And then when I'm leaving work, all the stores are closed, and I'm like, fuck, I'll do it in the morning, and then I forget. And it took a week and a half of commuting with no headphones.
What do you do? I felt like a psychopath every single morning. I would rather forget my shoes than forget my headphones.
I would honestly just, I would buy, I would pay like as much money as I had in my pocket to get headphones right away. Yes.
But what do you do at like 2 o'clock in the morning? Can't really do anything. The great thing about headphones, sometimes you guys ever do this where you're on your commute and you realize that you haven't actually played any audio.
There's no like podcast or music going, but you still have your headphones. Oh, yeah.
And it's still great. Yes.
Because everyone around you thinks that you listen to something cool. Yes.
And you get to drown out the noises of everything that's not in your own brain. Agreed.
Agreed. Big time.
That's crazy. My other one is my coworker is a marijuana shamer.
Who? And a drug dealer is the other one. Yeah.
So you're kind of stuck in the middle. Uh-huh.
That sucks. That is tough, yeah.
I'm not a marijuana shamer. I just want you to admit.
Oh, I feel ashamed. I'm feeling very ashamed.
I just want you to admit that you're high. I'm a drug dealer for sure.
All right, I might be. Yeah, that's good.
I want you to be. I don't want you to deny it.
I gave Hank his first taste for free. I wish I was high right now.
I was going to cost you. Fuck.
I gave you one, too. I know.
I didn didn't know we were doing a fucking part of my bake. We're not.
Which we're long overdue for. We are.
Hank is doing his own personal right now. Is it legal in Florida now? Honestly, PFT, when you just hand...
You did just hand people brownies. Here's a brownie.
Like, I cannot... I'm not a saver.
I was dog eating chocolate. I was proud of my baking skills.
He knows it's going to poison his brain, but he'd eating it. Okay, PFT, your fire fest.
My fire fest of the week is my teams are so good at sports that I have to stay up late all the time and I haven't been able to get healthy and I've been trying to shake off this cold for a week and a half. It's not that I'm always having these NyQuil thoughts.
I'm just always in a state of halfway conscious and halfway just hallucinating my way through life. For the last 11 days, I think I've gotten about an average of two and a half to three hours of sleep each night from coughing.
So I'm struggling through it. I'm playing hurt.
But you gave me the suggestion to go to the doctor. I hadn't thought about doing that.
Get some codeine. I don't even know how to go to the doctor.
Get some codeine, and then I give Hank a taste of it for free. Hell yeah.
I get him fucking hooked on it. Hooked.
And then every single take on me mashup at the end will be like, take on me. Chopped and screwed.
Boom. Yup.
Do you think doing the voluntarily doing Edward Forty Hands, like, how to do that at all? It's tough to be like, man, I'm so tired. I been working so much hey let me drink 80 ounces of beer yeah and then complain about being sick well that was an interesting one because it's like a 20 that's like a 19 year old move so i knew that it was going to be a blowout for the nationals oh yeah i wanted people to tune into the stream because i'm a company man but you had finished and so beer by the time it was a blowout yeah but i knew it was going to going to be a blowout anyways, but I just figured that the best way to do that, to give the viewers at home a little extra visual treat, would be to do something like duct tape 40s to each hand.
Got it. Something I haven't done since I was 22.
Yeah. Yeah, it's tough to be like, poor me, I'm sick.
But alcohol also kills germs. Yes, definitely does.
Definitely does. My fire fest is I've had a squeak in my shoe all week i don't really know what to do that is tough it's everywhere i walk everyone's just like here comes squeaky shoot me give me a little back no i actually stopped i stopped wearing them the shoes that have the squeak i switched today no because i couldn't handle the squeak anymore so i've been wearing like you have a hey arnold closet have a Hey Arnold closet of Air Tech Challenges.
Don't shame. No, that's not a shame.
It's Inspector Gadget is really what my R generation would understand. That's not a shame at all.
But here's the thing. But is it true? No, the Air Tech Challenges aren't the squeaky ones.
So that's actually the lesson is I should never go off the Air Tech Challenge because they've never squeaked on me. Having a squeaky shoe, though, everyone looks at you too they're like dude is that you is that you squeaking and you can't do anything about ruining everyone else's day people said it's baking soda I don't know where would you put it that's just a trick in the shoe baking soda the marketing team behind big baking soda did such a great job for convincing everyone that it cures everything cures everything and if you have a science project with volcanoes yeah you're good.
If you have baking soda and... Oh, wow.
Okay. Pyrex.
If you have baking soda and apple cider vinegar, according to 90% of mom's Facebook pages, you will be able to fix everything. And duct tape.
Throw in duct tape. Duct tape.
There it is. For the dads.
For everything. Okay.
Let's go. Let's finish up with a couple segments and we'll do our FAQs with a very special guest.
First up, we have Trouble in Paradise, Tom Brady. Adam Schefter is reporting that it's the least likely thing is for him to finish with the Patriots.
Now, this is, I'm going to give credit to Get Up and ESPN because they basically got halfway through the season and the Patriots haven't lost yet, so they can't do the are the Patriots done. So instead they're doing is Tom Brady going to go somewhere else.
King stay king is really what it is. If you look at the facts behind it, Adam Schefter said he is selling his house.
Which has been known for a long time. His only house.
Actually, he probably has like seven. But he's selling one of his homes.
His trainer is selling his house. So start to connect the dots right there.
And then this offseason when he restructured, you know how he always restructures so that the Patriots can cheat and pay him less money, but secretly pay him more. Yep.
This time he demanded that they take out the ability to franchise or transition tag him, which he's never done before. all of his restructuring.
So you can see pretty easily by those three facts that Tom Brady is going to be the quarterback for the Los Angeles Chargers next year. Oh, I was going to say how funny it would be if he just went to San Francisco and was like, I want to finish my hometown team.
Jimmy, you're out. Just cucks Jimmy again.
That would be hilarious. It would be money.
Yes. Yeah.
What if he went to Vegas? That would be cool that would be the nfl needs a winner in vegas that's true so tom uh i almost called you tom hank are you worried at all no okay what if he goes to the jets he would never ever the giants the dolphins he would never go any of these places so i'm not worried at all where would he most likely go the chargers The Chargers actually wouldn't be that crazy. Oh, PFT.
The thing is, it's like that. Credit to Cuzzle.
McAfee. I heard him talk about that this morning.
There's a 5% chance of that happening. That's where I would put it at.
5% is... You bet bigger money lines.
Yeah. Yeah, I have.
I started to panic this morning because I read that Phillip Rivers is in the last year of his contract. Uh-oh.
I didn't realize that. And he stinks? Yeah, and that too.

But, Hank, would you say that there's any truth whatsoever to these rumors?

No, I mean, the house stuff has been out there since before the season.

We talked about it in the summer.

And it's exactly what Big Cat said, where it's like they're dominating teams.

They're undefeated.

What are you going to say?

Let's just make this up.

Push them news.

All you can do is respect.

Schefter said it twice, though.

He doubled down on it.

I don't think Schefter doubles down on it much.

Thank you. you going to say, let's just make this up, push some news.
All you can do is respect. Schefter said it twice, though.
He doubled down on it. I don't think Schefter doubles down on much.
I think he's a good, honest, big J journalist, but the fact that he has to take it, it comes down from the top. You're like, Schefter, put this out there.
We need to push ratings, and he does it still. That makes me sad.
You're better than that, Adam. They do do this thing.
It's so great.

The best was the Colin Kaepernick one a few years ago when one ESPN reporter reports something

or has an opinion on something,

and then they report on the opinion,

and then they basically get 24-hour news segment.

I think Jaws was the one who said,

Colin Kaepernick's the best quarterback in the NFL,

and then they basically had it on the bottom line.

Is Colin Kaepernick the best quarterback in the NFL?

The guys debate it later.

Not only that, he said the best in the history. He could be the best to ever play the game.
It was like 24 hours of content. Then you go on another show to defend your take, and then somebody makes content out of that appearance that you had.
Genius. It is very genius.
I'll say this about Adam Schefter and his appearances on Get Up, however. I think it's beneath Adam Schefter to appear.
He's pretty short, so it's hard to be beneath him. Yeah, well, the New York studio is beneath him because when he goes on that show, he doesn't wear the tie.
When I see Adam Schefter reporting about the NFL, I want him in Bristol in front of a giant metallic 70-foot HD screen that they paid $100 million for. That's where Adam Schefter needs to be.
Not with his arm around Greeny with a little tugboat going up and down the East River in the background. That's beneath you, Adam.
And what I'm doing right here is I'm just making Adam Schefter's life miserable. Because if enough people say that, then he'll just have to keep going to Connecticut all the time.
And mention that he's got to pee all the time. That's a lot of traveling if you have to go all the way to connect it is it's a lot of peace gotta stay diped up in the back a lot of town cars type it up uh all right let's do faqs we have in walked we're about to get ready to interview dog which dog bounty hunter which is coming next week and before dog walks in in walks a, a ghost of PMT passed.

It is Jilly football.

Where have you been?

Patented Jilly's paws.

Vacation.

Vacation.

I've been, they had to take me away because I was so depressed.

Yep.

I had to, you know, I think they took me to Bellevue.

Okay.

And.

Is that the mental hospital?

That's the mental hospital.

I, you know, I had a mental breakdown when I left here. Leonardo DiCaprio was actually the mental patient the whole time.

Yeah.

That's true.

That's true.

So you went to Europe.

You went to Prague?

Prague?

Prague.

Prague.

Mm-hmm.

Beautiful country.

Beautiful city.

Did you go to the Red Light District? And Czech Republic. i would know yeah not that you would know um you know i don't know that i did i could have don't know i went a lot of places that i don't remember what's the food like in czechoslovakia they're known for their goulash i know you think of hungarian goulash i do you're right i do this is it is i don't know i can't non-hungarian goulash well they say the czech republic or czechoslovakia originally is the home of goulash okay it is an amazing dish beer beer beer everywhere were they celebrating oktoberfest over there not yet okay that's a little bit later i was wondering actually i was in october and but that wasn't a big deal i thought i saw you in that video that we posted yeah you should check it out.
Okay. Okay, let's do some FAQs.
All right. You didn't write it.
I'm a high school football offensive coordinator. I was doing a Jilly Paws.
Okay. First play call of our next game is yours.
What do you got? Shovel pass. Shovel pass.
Shovel pass. Can we do a shovel pass? I need to know some specifics about this.
Is it seven on seven? Is it full football?vel pass What personnel are we running? Just do a shovel pass Here's what you do I don't know what that is Do a shovel pass What's your favorite play in football? Shovel pass Shovel pass Shovel pass Do a shovel pass out of 13 personnel There we go Shovel pass Is taking a guy like Joe Buck And making him likable And showing a side to him nobody thought he had, the best success you can have as a podcast? Yeah. Not to get paid $75,000.
Yeah, that's when the direct deposit hits. Nut.
Yeah. And when we do the Joe Buck interview, did you listen to Joe Buck? Do you like him? I love Joe Buck.
Okay, so when we do the Joe Buck interview, he pays us a bonus $75,000 each. How many episodes have you listened since you left, Jill? Well, they wouldn't let me have anything in the hospital.
Oh, yeah. That's true.
Good point. Then, of course, when I was in Europe, my phone wasn't working.
So there you go. You downloaded it and it was all in Czechoslovakia.
Yeah. Good point.
That'd be pretty cool if that's what happened, huh? Yeah. Well, I forgot to notify my carrier that I was going to be a rock.
You're off the grid. I went off the grid.
Have you been keeping up with Twitter or have you fallen off on that as well? No, I'm still doing Twitter. You're going viral? I've done a few things.
Nice. Hey, guys.
Not to brag, but I have a pretty sweet three TV setup for NFL Sundays. I have a friend who invites himself over every Sunday, comes over empty handed and stays from 10 a.m.
West Coast time until 8 p.m. when Sunday night ends.
How do I tell him to take a few Sundays off without being an asshole? Just tell me you aren't going to be there. Yeah.
Just say that you're going to a friend's house. You don't know him.
Yeah. He's from Canada.
That's a tough spot because I used to have, when I was in Chicago,

I used to have all my friends come over for Sunday

and watch every single game at my house because I had multiple TVs.

But you have to be good enough friends that you don't care that they're in your house.

Like some of my friends would come over and just take a nap,

and I wouldn't care.

Or I'd take a nap, and they wouldn't care.

So you need that. To spend an entire Sunday, it needs to be such a friendship that you can just not talk to each other.
You're just in the presence of each other. Yeah.
So one way to go would be to just order a lot of really shitty food. Like make it have a terrible experience one Sunday at your house.
Maybe have two of the TVs mysteriously not work for some reason. Right.
Or's out. And it's stuck on the Jaguars-Jets game,

and you both have to sit there watching it the entire time.

You're sabotaging yourself as well.

Yeah, but you know what?

Sometimes to get to heaven, you've got to walk through a little bit of hell.

It's true.

And you need to know when to cut people off in your life,

and it sounds like this guy might be a cutoff situation.

The other option is just pull all the blinds down and the shutters,

and then just act like you're not home. Yeah.
Turn all the lights off. Tell him to bring food.
Yeah, or do that. Or just, yeah.
Well, Jill brings up a good point. Is the big problem here that you don't like the guy or is it that he just doesn't bring food? It's both.
You got to fix both. Fix both.
Hey, what's up, drug guy PFT and Slim Cat? Oh. I'm going up to an amusement park this weekend that does a Halloween theme.
Should I eat some shrooms and go on the rides? No. Yes.
I think that's a big... That's going to be a no for me, dog.
Okay. It's...
I can't think of anything worse, actually, than taking shrooms and going on a roller coaster. Oh, you get sick.

Taking LSD and going on a roller coaster.

Good point.

Watch.

It could be.

Oh, we got breaking moves.

Breaking moves.

The Houston Astros have fired assistant general manager, Brandon Taubman.

Oh, so see ya.

They're doing this, trying to try to change the narrative.

Yeah.

Well, no, it's too late.

The karma is they're trying to win the karma back so they can win some games. Too late.
Too late. Too late.
That breaking moves is brought to you by Chocolate Milk for real recovery that tastes real good. Has anyone handled something worse than the Astros in this? No, I was saying that denying, trying to do misinformation, then doing a half apology, then doing a half apology of the half apology, then firing the guy.
It's become very clear to me that every organization, a vice president of PR is not cutting it anymore. Every big company needs to have a vice president of apologies.
Just a vice president of sorry. Yeah.
Hire the most polite Canadian you can find. Put them in that position.
Have them look over every time you want to tweet out a notes app apology. Look it over, edit it and say, no, this is a crock of shit.
Just say you're sorry and that you fucked up. Sorry goes along.
That's it. I have a question.
What does the firing of him, what does it mean? It means that the Astros potentially have a chance to come back in this series. It doesn't.
Why? Because they had really bad karma going.

That's not what it means.

Because the guy was a fucking piece of shit and they were trying to defend him.

All right.

It's like basically just, they basically did an exorcism on themselves.

They're trying.

This is a panic move.

Okay.

Sup, Natitude dudes?

Who decided how to make words plural?

Like, why is it mouse and mice, but not moose and meese? Goose becomes geese, but fish doesn't become fish? Noah. When he got two of every one of them on the arc.
At that point, he said, I have the opportunity to rebrand all of you, and he did. Yeah.
What am I going to call you? I've never seen two of you at the same time. Shit.
Mind blown. Alright, we'll end with this one.
Would you rather have front row tickets to this Monday night's Dolphins versus Steelers game or a $15 Amazon gift card? Is Duck playing? Nope. I think Mason Rudolph's back.
Yeah, so. That could be the Duck was electric, though.
Yes. Great, great big Buck Hunter player.
Definitely the gift card. Not even a question.
How close am I going to be sitting to the Duck? Front row. Front row is terrible at football games.
Duck, you're listening right now. Let me know how close, if we're going to be hanging out during the game or not, and then I can answer.
I would say I would have to... The hypothetical would be like you can either pay $500 or you have to go.
Then I would maybe go. Here here's the thing I think I would go to the game as long as I didn't have to actually go to the game meaning like trans transport myself there you just snap your fingers and you're there snap my fingers I'm there for the duration of the game and then I do that too because you'd be teleporting yeah so that'd be worth it yeah true yeah you'd have some story to tell later okay we will see everyone sunday remember witching hour and uh whoever lost the game listen to the alternate ending right after

this because we're gonna do it right now i love you guys Take me away. I don't know what to say.

I'll say it anyway.

Today's my day to follow you.

Show me away.

I'll be coming for your love.

Take on me.

Take on me Drink on me

I'll be gone

Drink on me

Something needless to say

I want a sentence

But I feel so well in a way

Slowly learning my life is okay

Thank you. I want a sentence by me, someone will let her wake Slowly learning my life is okay Say after me, I feel better to be safe than sorry Take on me Take on me Take on me I'm on me.
Take on me. Take on me.
Take on me. Take on me.
Oh, we're going to let you stay. You're really alive.
We're just a play by the reason why. say, Is it all I love? Or just to blame ever,

Is it all you?

You're all the things I've got to remember,

You're shying away,

I'll be coming for you anyway,

Take on me,

Take on me. Take me.
Take me. Take me.
Take me. Take me.
Take me. Take me.
Take me. Take me.
Take me. Take me.
Oh, Take on me, baby

Take on me welcome to part of my take presented by the cash app go download it right now put in code barstoolOL. You get $5 for free.
$5 to ASPCA. Today is Fri-yay, October 25th, and the Washington Redskins have shocked the world.
17-point underdogs. They went out right.
Yep. It shades of last year when the Buffalo Bills went into Minnesota as 17-point underdogs.
Damn. and went outright.
So that Dunn chain is hanging pretty heavy around the necks of the Minnesota Vikings. I think you all owe me an apology.
Question, PFT. Yep.
Is Washington, D.C. sports having a moment? Well, let's embrace the bait.
I think they are having a moment right now. What kind of moment? What is a moment? Are they in? I think this is a seminal moment in D.C.
history right now. Don't do the Native American and Native American.
No, seminal as in like Lulinski's dress. You already do the Redskins.
Don't do the Seminoles. No, so this is a big moment for D.C.
sports right now. The revenge enacted against Kirk Cousins was so, it was beautiful to watch.
I cannot believe they lost they lost that game like how do you lose to the Washington Redskins on well actually I know how you lose you have Kirk Cousins on a primetime game that's exactly right and then you have Callahan running the ball 90 times and Dalvin Cook I don't know if his leg is still attached but that was gruesome it's you know what's sad is what's happened to the usage of Kyle Rudolph. Yes.
He's a great tight end.

It would be awesome if he had a good quarterback.

But why would you have him kick field goals?

Yeah, it doesn't make any sense.

It makes no sense.

Absolutely no sense.

Mike Zimmer, you've lost your brain.

Mike Zimmer, I think that he needs two eye patches now

because his retinas are just so burnt out from staring in a heat lamp all day.

Right.

It's tough.

It's tough for the good people in Minnesota because I like Minnesotans.

I feel bad. This is like they were 5-2 rolling into this game, then boom, everything falls apart.
And now you have to ask yourself questions about, like, what's the future of Mike Zimmer? I think you've got to blow the whole thing up. Blow the whole thing up.
You can't have a loss like this, especially when you feel like maybe you're getting everything right, and then you take such a big step back. Yeah.
I think it's hit the reset button, trade everyone, start over. Also, massive credit to Dan Snyder for putting together this team, for making sure that his boys stay on track.
Two wins. After Jay Gruden's firing.
I mean, it might be an interim head coach steps into the full-time position because I don't think anyone else is going to want to take that job. And no one thought he was going to run the ball 60 times, but he did.

He did.

He ran the ball 60 times with Adrian Peterson.

He averaged two yards a carry for 120 yards.

It's been a goal of his for his entire life to do that to a running back at some point.

Yeah.

Okay, so let's get to the Nationals.