Derek Watt, Steve Wilkos, Week 7 NFL Preview And Picks

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On today's Pardon My Take, we have NFL Week 7 preview. We have a Watt brother, Derek Watt.
Really actually an awesome time with him because... DJ.
DJ, yeah. He reached out to us and wanted to come on.
It was fun to talk to a different Watt. We talked about playing fullback.
We talked about JJ, all that stuff. We also have Steve Wilkos, the legend, which we had the debate how many people are going to know who Steve Wilkos is that listen to this show.
PFT and I obviously do, but Hank didn't really know. So maybe it's a generational thing.
It might be. You could just pretend that he's Cal Ripken Jr.
when he's on the show and he's talking because he looks a lot like him. What does this sound, Pete? What the fuck is that sound? We have a ghost.
Oh, shit. That's going to go all winter.
No way. That's air in the pipes.
I had that in my first apartment when I moved here. Oh, my God.
This is the dumbest office ever. We set up.
Keep all this in. We set up this podcast next to the radiator.
I thought someone was going to come through this. And we just realized they turned the heat.
God damn it. I think it's done for now, but it will be back.
All winter. All winter.
All right. So yeah, we have Steve Wilkos too.
All right. Damn it.
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out ariot in your local workwear retailer or visit ariot.com work to get 10 off your first order when you sign up for email and whether whatever in ariot work gear now we have a larry's pick oh a b cd a b and tonion hawk oh fuck seahawks seahawks. Seahawks.
Seahawks. Okay.
There's Larry's pick. Where'd A.B.
come from? We got more coming. I was going to go A.B.
and then you were supposed to say C. And then I was going to go like Eagle Parrot.
Okay. Oh, it's multi-savage.
It's like a real Goldberg machine of your pun. Damn.
Okay. Let's go.
And then I can't leave all on the sun. Oh, no, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue.
And then we'll take it higher. Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue.
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Today is Friday, October 18th. Patrick Mahomes has a knee.
He does have a knee issue. So this is like the one injury that the NFL did not want.
I think 70% of Americans, regardless of if you're a Chiefs fan or not, would have given their own knee. I'd have Patrick Mahomes not get hurt this year.
So, yeah, it sucks. Hopefully it's only going to be like three or four weeks.
But if there's ligaments, if he has a ligament, then it's it's more also big win for all the dumb football coaches out there that run their fullback or running back in fourth and inches yeah because they won tonight because analytics twitter loves the the quarterback dive which makes sense because it it's i think it's successful like 80 of the time and patrick homes gets hurt doing Doesn't matter. The Chiefs beat the Broncos easily.
Joe Flacco. PFT.
As a Joe Flacco realist, I have to say the most concerning thing about Joe Flacco tonight was his body language overall. Just like his face the entire time.
He has a face that he looks like he's always looking for his car in a big parking lot. And at his most excited, he realizes that he took his wife's car.

He's like, oh, was looking for the wrong one.

At his worst, he realizes it was towed.

Right.

And it only varies like that far apart from each other.

He's got terrible body language.

He looks like he knows that his body is not capable of doing anything anymore.

Troy Aikman said, it's about as bad as an offense as I've ever seen.

Anemic.

That is, oh, that's a quote.

Like, you don't usually hear the guys say something like that.

They don't usually go in that hard.

And he played against the early 1990s Eagles.

So he's seen some shit in his day.

He has seen some shit.

But yeah, the Broncos, I feel like that's,

can we done chain the Broncos? I think they've already been done chained. Well, let's double done.
Double done jam because that's it like if they had won this game Yeah, you could talk about it. You could be like, hey, maybe, you know, they've won three in a row.
They lost some close games. That's it for them.
The Chiefs while they needed this win very badly the fact that they aren't going to have Mahomes Matt Moore, who Matt Moore, he came in and I think everyone in America was like, he looks like the cat. Well, yeah, a lot of people were treating me that I somehow have looked like Matt Moore, Matt Castle, Matt liner combined with more weight and zero arm strength.
Matt cat. Yeah, that's what you are.
Yeah. People say it's fat, fat.
Matt Fat. That's me.
Matt Moore looks like you if you put on a helmet that was like two sizes too small. Yeah.
Stretches his face out. Mm-hmm.
Yeah. The Chiefs are in a bad spot.
If Mahomes is out for the rest of the season, they don't really have any other options except for Brock Osweiler is the name that's out there. Oh, Eli.
Eli's out there. I love that Eli has become the de facto, hey, should they trade for Eli? RG3.
Can we make it so that the commissioner ruled that Eli Manning is available for trades for the rest of the year? Yes. So that we can just never have to worry about this? Absolutely.
Speaking of the commissioner, every time a really talented— Isn't Swag Kelly out there? Swag is— Oh, Swag's out there. He knows the system as well as he knows any system besides the detention one.
If there's one thing that we have to do is talk about a commissioner making a new rule after a star quarterback gets his knee injured. So what is the Tom Brady rule equivalent of what happened to Patrick Mahomes going to be to prevent this from happening in the future? Don't let Andy Reid make any decisions.
By the way. It's a penalty, 15 yards.
I forgot about Andy Reid all time because he had to go out twice for injuries. His waddle is so, so funny.
Did you see him at the start of the night? Yes. Letting the cows out of the pen, just slapping Sherman on the ass? Slapping on the ass.
Anthony Sherman was the emergency quarterback. Yep.
Incredible. Could you imagine if we'd seen that entire offense of fullback dives it would have been the biggest fullback fantasy game of all time i would say how depressing it is is it to to be and we've touched on the broncos and john elway not being able to find a quarterback and it's kind of fitting that brock osweiler retires when you watch joe flacco throw that shit out there but to have patrick Mahomes get hurt and you never root for injuries.
No, but if you're a Broncos fan, you're sitting there like, OK, it's now what I think it made it. I think it was a 13 six game at that point.
OK, we're fine. No Patrick Mahomes and just everything fell to shit after that.
Yeah, I looked up a stat. So we've talked about John Elway and his the way that he picks quarter quarterbacks we used to think that maybe it's because he doesn't want a better Broncos quarterback than himself right um I looked up the stats since Peyton Manning I think John Elway wanted to win a Super Bowl so we got Peyton Manning after that they're 40 against the spread they're only better than Cleveland and San Francisco and San Francisco had Chip Kelly Kelly.
Yep. And then.
And Garoppolo getting hurt. Yeah.
And Cleveland had like six Chip Kellys come in and out in that time span. Yeah.
So I think that John Elway owes somebody a lot of money, and he's actually very good at evaluating quarterbacks. He's so good, in fact, that he never drafts them.
Yeah. That's a crazy stat.
Yeah. Because, I mean, the Broncos, and I've said this before, but the Broncos are a proud franchise.
The Broncos are one of those franchises that if you actually look through their history, they have consistently been good throughout their entire franchise. Like, they've won Super Bowls.
They've been competitive. They've been in the playoffs.
Pretty much never like a big drought where they weren't in the playoffs so this is now going to be going on year three i think yep where it looks like there's no answer and i don't know how you want you don't have drew lock in there is he hurt still he's hurt still yeah okay so i guess that's the answer but uh answer my own question but but knowing john elway he probably sucks too So that's all you have to look forward to. He doesn't...
No one talks about Paxton Lynch enough. You know what sucks is that if you're a Broncos fan, you have to see...
So you're right. They're a proud franchise.
And when you see those helmets, you think like Peyton Manning Super Bowl. You think John Elway's second Super Bowl.
What do you think? No one thinks Peyton Manning Super Bowl. I think Jake Plummer roll out.
Von Miller's Super Bowl. Von Miller's Super Bowl.
John Elway's Super Bowl. Cam Newton's Super Bowl.
Okay, Hank. That was a do-your-pod mini-segment.
What if every time... I'm just saying it's not like Broncos-Peyton Manning.
That's not the first thought that people have. It's not.
John Elway, yes. It was Brock Osweiler's team for a while.
They did have the best offense of all time, didn't they? I do think it was the year before. Yeah, the year before they lost to Seahawks.

I do think that it's Peyton Manning's helmet because of that picture of him

in the tub wearing that helmet when he should be at practice.

Yes, that was a good picture.

All right, so what else we got from this game?

I mean, Chiefs, kind of a question mark now.

We actually foreshadowed it coming up because we taped our preview before the game.

We talked about the raiders

if they could somehow beat the packers we're gonna have to start taking them for real yep and that's not gonna patrick mahomes getting hurt that's a wide open west if the raiders can somehow beat the packers it is it is i don't know we'll see what they do i i also feel like we always get cock teased by the phrase emergency quarterback we always hear what the emergency would be, and we never get to see the emergency quarterback.

It's so true.

Just once I want to see.

I mean, it's happened, but I just like,

Anthony Sherman being the emergency quarterback would be so funny.

That would have been my Super Bowl.

I think Tariq Cohen is the big.

I mean, how fun would that be?

Tariq Cohen just out there running around.

He'd basically just run the wildcat.

The entire time.

Okay.

If you want to watch us, we are on barstoolgold. slash PMT, BarstowGold.com slash PMT.
Let's quickly, before we get to NFL, PFT, you are in scouting mode. Yep.
So you're scouting your competition. Yep.
The Yankees beat the Astros in game four. What do you see? The Yankees lost to the Astros.
The Yankees lost to the Astros. The Yankees lose.
My bad. I don't know why I said I'm staring at the screen.
No, they got their asses kicked. The Yankees, and as a scout, I am afraid of the Houston Astros.
I will say it. I'm afraid their rotation is just as good as the Nationals, and their lineup is better, and their relievers are better.
So you want seven? I would love seven. I want the Yankeeses to win i want to go up against the yankees in the world series now i will give yankees fans credit for this they flip the switch from being like we're going to win it all to fuck this burn the entire team down yes so fast yeah i love that there's accountability in the bronx uh but yeah they just they get so mad when their team loses in uh in a competitive al Yeah.
And they, I think they're dead man walking. I think they're, I think they, I think tomorrow is not even going to be for land is going to show up and it's going to be quickly.
They jump on whoever's pitching for the Yankees and boom, it's over. I had an idea today during the game.
So when they were down, like a, I think it was when they were down seven, three or eight, three, why don't they just start a massive brawl? If you're up to bat and you're a Yankee and there's just somewhat of an inside pitch, why not charge the mound, try to get some suspensions, shake things up a little bit? Agreed. What's the worst that could happen? Nah.
Your team gets all the suspensions. Okay.
That would suck. Yeah, that would suck.
But you're still going to lose anyways. Right.
So that wouldn't suck. And you'd have an excuse.
Yeah, exactly. We were banged up and suspended.
We were all suspended. We all got our asses kicked and we couldn't hit anymore.
I also, we watched the game with a bunch of Yankee fans and they were just upset the whole time, rightfully so. But I threw out there my hot take that Aaron Judge is too tall.
And they got very defensive about it, which means I think he might be too tall. I agree.
So, I mean, he's getting his ass kicked repeatedly by Altuve. And he's 5'6".
Just like every time there's a pitch low in the zone, first of all, it wouldn't be a strike for anyone else. Or it would be like middle.
Sorry, it would be the opposite. It would be like middle of the, you know, people would be able to hit it out.
Altuve would be basically at his tits and he can't like get his body down that low. Yeah.
And so that was my hot take. I'm sure some Sabre and a metrics nerd is going to tell me I'm so wrong.
Save it. The strike zone is bigger.
It's a fact that the strike zone is bigger. I'd rather, that's why I'd rather not be above six feet tall.
Right. That's why my little league career was so much better than his probably.
But yeah, if you're, yeah, exactly, Hank. True, Hank.
If you're Aaron Judge, why don't you at least consider a crouched batting stance? Yeah. Like, what is it, Biggio? Craig Biggio style? Get all the way down there.
Jeff Bagwell. Bagwell, yeah, Bagwell.
Or do the reverse surgery they do in China, disavow, where you break all your bones and they adjust your height. For making fun of Hong Kong? Or for...
Why do they break your bones? Oh, you elect to have the surgery? You elect to have the surgery. You break your bones and then they elongate it.
But I'm sure they could do the reverse. What's the average height of somebody in China? It's got to be pretty short, right? As far as different nations go? Yeah, I would say.
I'd say are we the tallest? No, Scandinavia is probably the tallest. The Norse.
Like the Norway, the Germany, those guys. Average height in China.
We're really sounding stupid. Five foot four is the average male height.
You are a king! You'd be a king! But still, disavow. Disavow.
I still would not want to go there. I would still not want to go there and make money.
Correct. But if you did, but if I did, you'd be a king.
I'd be a king. But so that actually is a lot of credit to me for electing to not go over there and endorse true all the atrocities by making money as a tall man.
Right. You have a very easy out.
Anytime someone calls you short, you could just move to China. But you've decided that due to your morals, you will not.
Correct. Absolutely right.
That is that's that's big of you. Thank you.
Well, it's in China. It's big of you.
It's perfectly average. All right.
Let's do some NFL picks and some preview. It's brought to you by all protein bars generally taste the same, but not one bars.
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Find all one bars at a retailer near you or on amazon.com. I can't lose parlay and also PFT has some fullback props.

I do.

Well, not fullback props.

Oh, no, no, no.

So my prop that's been hitting

at about 75% this year,

I've been betting it every primetime game.

Sharp.

So I can only give you this pick

in confidence for primetime games.

Over three and a half field goals.

Sharp.

It's been hitting 75% of the time.

Usually you can get pretty good odds on it too.

So go for that.

The field goals, they go farther at night. I don't know how, but they just do, and they're a shitload of them.
So over three and a half field goals in the Sunday night game and in the Monday night game. And listen, I know some people get woke.
We literally bet all these things. I've seen PFT bet over three and a half field goals a billion times.
Seriously, 75%. 35%.

He will just be sitting here on a Sunday night,

and it will be 31 to 9, and he'll be like, yes!

What happened?

Nothing.

That's nowhere near the spread or the overrunner.

Yep.

Three and a half field goals.

Just need that last kick.

Got it.

What's great is getting that third field goal in right before halftime.

Yes.

Then you're golden.

Okay.

Weekend preview.

But before we do the weekend preview,

let's do a quick news that we have to talk about. so we have two things we have to talk about pft the first sad the second i don't know where it's gonna land the first sad brock osweiler yeah r.i.p brocktober it's fitting that he did it in brocktober isn't it this is his time this is his month what i've noticed about the news coverage of his retirement is that it's been just straight up people saying, I'm so glad he earned this money.
Yes. That's the only thing people are saying about Brock Osweiler.
And it's true. He earned a shitload of money for playing in like, I don't know, he started like 12 or 13 games.
I have the stats. He went 15 and 15 career record, 37 TDs, 31 interceptions.
He won a Super Bowl.

So some of the headlines did say Super Bowl winning quarterback Brock Osweiler.

He made $41 million.

And on top of all that, he has a grammatically incorrect tattoo on his bicep.

That's true.

And that gif.

That what?

The Peyton Manning one. Yes, that's true.

Where he puts his call.

Somebody should do one of those for his retirement where he's about to retire. And then Peyton Manning says, no, I'm going to retire.
Yeah. Yeah.
Was it live life to its fullest? Yeah, it is. So it's I-T apostrophe S.
You meant to say live life to its fullest. Yeah, it's sad.
It is very sad. It's a PFT quote.
Here's something nice. Arizona State state i'm sure that if you factor in the money he made they can put that into some pamphlets and be like the average arizona state grad well no wait there's no way he graduated he didn't graduate okay never mind well and nobody really graduates from arizona state yeah you just kind of pat you you you know graduate to to maybe hardcore molly yeah instead of the little pussy shit you've been doing all you know say, like, if you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere? That's actually not true at all.
If you can make it in Arizona State, if you can survive four years of college there and graduate with a paper degree, then you can literally do anything that you want because everyone drops out. If you can make it out of Arizona State without an STD, you're a virgin.
Well, that just, yeah, it doesn't happen. Yeah, doesn't happen.
Right. Okay, so that was our first news.
He is tall, though. I mean, he should do the, you know, when Tom Brady got suspended and everyone did the hilarious meme about Dom Grady, he should do that and John Elway will draft him 1-1.
Probably. He could probably squeeze another one out of it.
I'll always remember Brock Osweiler for being traded from the Texans to the Browns for negative $60 million, I think is what it was. It was just like, we'll pay you to take the Brocketship.
We need to clear the books. Yep.
Yeah. Okay, so let's do – oh, so the other news, speaking of the Browns, Miles Garrett was stopped on a street, got out of his car, and got punched in the face by a fan? He didn't get out of his car.
He stayed, there was a guy that pulled up next to him in traffic, recognized him, got out, went up to his window, and said, hey, can I take a picture with you? Took a selfie, and then punched him in the face. Do you buy this? And then got back in his car, drove away.
I don't know, man, because if you were to pick one guy in the world that you don't want to punch in the face randomly it's miles garrett not only because of like his size his stature how strong he is but how about the fact that he is like the one guy on the browns you cannot blame for this terrible start right it's a list like if you made a list of all the browns players he would would be dead less. I actually would say Swagger, and I don't condone hitting dogs, but Swagger quit on the team last week.
That's fucked up. Literally quit on the team.
That's fucked up. So, right? He retired.
They were midseason. Yeah.
Freddie Kitchens is definitely going to get punched. Yeah, Freddie Kitchens would be, like, number one, then the entire offensive line, then the refs, because you've got to blame the refs in there somewhere, and then Miles Garrett is probably

60.

After every single equipment guy, all the physical trainers, Miles Garrett is last.

Maybe some guys who are on the team, Devin Kajust, but he's not on the team anymore.

But you could also make the argument that's his right as a fan.

Since he pays his salary, he buys tickets.

It's like the Monica Sells thing. If you buy a ticket to get into an event, you are within your rights to do...
Hank, do you even know that story? No. Oh.
Monica Seles got stabbed literally in the back by a fan, by a crazy stalker fan. In between sets.
Yeah. In a tennis match.
Sheesh. She finished and won.

Really?

No.

She basically ruined her career.

Hockey player would have.

Yeah.

What do we have for a pick, by the way?

We're not even in an ad anymore.

We're not in picks either.

Are we starting?

No, I don't know.

That was like a pre-pick situation.

Oh, I was doing Larry's picks with Larry.

That's why I wasn't paying attention.

Did you want to do a pick?

Sure.

He's on the Lions.

Okay.

You weren't going to give us cues this time? That was fun. We had to figure out what you're doing.
Okay. I'll get the next one.
Yeah. All right.
Lions. Let's do our own picks.
Let's talk about the slate first. Decent.
I would say. Not bad.
Not bad. Three and a half balls.
We've got a couple of good ones. Like Baltimore, Seattle.
Fraud game. That's a good, not a fraud game.
The Baltimore Ravens. I'm standing up for my Baltimore, all the non-frauds out there because it's too early to drop the F-bomb.
You know what? I heard from a lot of Ravens fans, and the only thing I'll take back from my statements on Monday is that I actually didn't. I said the Ravens fans might be the sneaky, most annoying fans on Twitter.
I take that part back because a lot of them are very realistic

about their team.

And they're like, you know what?

Lamar's awesome.

Agreed.

Defense, very suspect.

And don't get fooled by the purple uniforms and the visors and all that stuff.

Ray Lewis isn't walking out that door.

So if the Ravens win this game, I will tweet, I was wrong.

You were, you, parentheses, Ravens fans were right. The Ravens aren't a fraud.
Okay. I will tweet that.
Someone remind me because I'm never going to market New Orleans Chicago. That's a good game.
Oh, that one's going to be ugly. I don't think there's me a lot of points.
In theory, I should be excited about Philadelphia and Dallas, but this is about the time of the season. It happens every single year mid-October where I'm sick of seeing the Cowboys uniforms in primetime games.
I'm just sick of them. Yep.
That's a loser leaves town game. It is.
Big time loser leaves town game. I think the Bears-Saints game is, are we sure they're good? It's actually a rare, are we sure they're good slash great game? Because if the Saints win, they might be great.
If the Bears win, they could be good. I think we got another are we sure they're a good game, the Detroit Lions and the Vikings.
Ooh, yes. It's a pendulum game for Cousins right now because Cousins is due to swing back.
I think the Lions defense is pretty good, actually. So this feels to me like a Cousins one touchdown, two interceptions game, maybe get Adam Thielen killed on a cross route,

like something bizarre happening, a very hilarious fumble six.

And then next week after that, it's his homecoming to the Redskins

where he's going to beat them by 50.

Yes, I agree.

That is the Kirk Cousins on the road always has to make you nervous.

And then, all right, last one before we get to our picks,

the other game I'm very interested in.

It's the rare Raiders. Are we doing this? Because if the Raiders can somehow win this game in Lambeau, now it's actually a real conversation, right? Yeah, it is.
Did you hear what Matt LaFleur did? The new rule he put in this week? No. He said no sack celebrations for his players.
Because somebody did the fake going to sleep after they hit. What was their last game? Oh, it was against Matt yeah they sacked stafford and they pretended to fall asleep and uh matt lefleur is not having that so matt lefleur is weak starting to become not not the players coach you thought he was that is weak takes away the ping pong tables too do you think he has someone in his family who like suffers from narcolepsy that's why he was like don't do that he was personally offended by it now the aren't going to have any incentive to get a sack.
His cousin, Brian Windhorst, was very upset about it. Listen, if you don't let the players celebrate a sack, that's actually something that we're joking about, but it is real that you can't ban something like that when, what do you get, maybe four or five sacks a game? Well, counterpoint, you'll remember the Lions.
They had two players that tore patellar tendons or ACLs celebrating a sack. Remember that? Lamar Houston did it with the Bears.
Yeah, there you go. We don't cheer for injuries.
No, it wasn't funny. In theory, it would have been funny if it wasn't real.
Yeah. Yeah.
Got it. Got it.
Lamar Houston did it in a 30-point blowout against the Patriots. He sacked Jimmy Garoppolo, the backup, and he fucking tore his ACL.
What a dummy. Goddamn.
Okay, let's do some picks. Favorites.
Hank, who does not like to bet favorites. He's a Moneyline addicted fiend.
Three weeks in a row, Moneyline, every single game, Moneyline dogs come out positive three weeks in a row. The only, so I'll do the only one I'm not going to do, Moneyline dog, is the Bills.
So I'll take the Bills as my favorite. Okay.
17? 17, Hank. That's a lot of points.
Yeah. They covered last week.
You know what they say? Too many points. Yeah.
You can say that. Too many points.
Okay. Yeah.
My favorite is going to be... Actually, I take that back.
I am going to take the Dolphins Moneyline Dog. Okay.
I'll do the... Fuck, see, I don't like any of these other favorites.
I'll do the Niners, I guess. Oh, man.
Okay. All right, my favorite...
If the Redskins won, I won't be shocked. My favorite is actually going to be Buffalo.
So I just talked you out of that so I could claim it as my own.

Because last week, what?

Are you done with the Dolphins?

No, I'm not done with the Dolphins.

This is a big moment.

Last week was the only week that I didn't bet on the Dolphins,

and they ended up covering the spread.

Damn.

So that pissed me off.

So now I'm mad at the Dolphins.

You're chasing.

No, I'm disavowing.

Yeah, you're chasing, like, losing when you didn't bet on them,

and then you're going to lose so much money on the Dolphins.

I'm disavowing. Yeah, you're chasing losing when you didn't bet on them, and then you're going to lose so much money on the Dolphins.
I'm in a brain zone. I'm in the PFT brain zone against the Dolphins right now, and the Bills are rested right now.
Yes. I think that this is going to be...
I mean, it's a home game, so they can beat the shit out of them. Dolphins will probably show up in those candy-ass uniforms, and Bills are wearing the color rushes.
Fuck yes. So Dolphins are getting fucked up.
Yeah. No, you are never going to win another bet on the Dolphins this year because you're basically in the personal revenge zone.
Yes. And you could chase a team from coast to coast trying to get personal revenge and lose all your money.
My balls are fighting my brain. Yep.
This could be a huge Bills letdown game, though, where it's like, oh, we had the bye week and then somehow we came out and lost.

No, that's not a let.

A trap game would be like a very good win.

Then you go on the road.

Right.

They have to be next weekend.

Yeah, exactly.

They had a bye.

So it's like, oh, we have a bye.

We have an extra week.

And it's Miami.

So it's like there's no way they lose.

Somehow they do.

I think that the Bills upset Miami.

The only way Miami is going to upset a team is if that team doesn't have

like an awesome defense.

Like the Bills are going to just body them.

Yeah.

You don't want to play against the Bills if you're a winless Miami Dolphins team.

Okay, my favorite, I'm going to go with the Rams.

That's a get right game.

I think this is it.

I think Dan Quinn might get fired after this game because their defense is so bad. It's Rams minus three.
Jalen Ramsey, will he play? Yeah. Yeah, he's going to play.
Right. Okay, so his kid was born and he's all good? I don't know if the kid's born yet, but I did see, I saw Sean McVay greeting Jalen Ramsey when he walked into the facility.
Yep. They gave the handshake and the back slap and the handshake fucking slapped.
It's called a dap. It was called a dap dapped the fuck out of it they dapped each other it was the opposite of the jerry jones uh super white everyone slap slap five but also pound each other i feel like it was perfect sean mcveigh is definitely top three in nfl coaches currently in terms of connecting percentage on handshakes i would say number one dap number one DAP coach would be surprising to you guys, I think.
I think it's Pete Carroll. Yep.
Now that you mention it, I don't think that's surprising. You're right.
I don't think he's ever missed one. He's like that old dude from that vine in the school wearing the backpack where he did like the six different levels to the handshake with a kid.
Oh, you know who? He was probably good because he played. you know, sneaky one.
I bet you Bruce Arians doesn't miss a dab. I bet you he's he's the type of guy.
He's got that old guy swag. Yeah, he knows what he could handshake in any decade in the history of handshake.
He probably just like does cheers. He probably just always has a Canadian whiskey and just tap the glass.
I guess his assistant like this guy just came just came in to meet me. Can you grab my handshake glass? You'll have a drink.
Yeah, let's go. No, I'm fine.
It's 9 a.m. No, I'll have a drink.
No, yeah, that's how we dap. Like, hell you will.
That's interesting. Who's the best dapper in all of...
Worst dapper. That's the real question.
Ooh, worst dapper... Jason Garrett.
Jason Garrett's up there. For sure.

Bill O'Brien can't be good.

No.

I feel like Bill O'Brien

misses a lot of them.

Adam Gase is a weirdo.

Adam Gase definitely

goes in for the handshake

and then pulls it back.

He's got clammy hands.

The eyes are all over the place.

Weirdo.

He does,

like the majority

of his handshakes

envelop somebody

trying to give him

the fist pound.

Zimmer has bad

death perception

in his eyes.

Zimmer just misses. He just keeps fucking hitting people in the chest.
Zimmer probably just spits on you and say hello. Patricia doesn't seem like a guy who really cares about the handshake.
No. So he probably is in and out.
Yeah. Yeah.
All right. So underdogs Hank.
All of them. Oh Jesus.
Okay. Put them down.
The one that I like the most, though, is probably the Ravens. Okay.
I'm getting frustrated with Hank doing this underdog thing just because he's so successful at it. Well, and it sucks because we know I want to do it.
We'll mush it. But we'll mush it, and we'll hop on the train.
You can't get on this train midway through. And then we'd ruin it it for Hank.
So Hank, consider... I'm close to getting off.
I've been at the stop twice the past two weeks. I'm like, I'm going to get off at the next stop.
And then I get close to it. I look at the board and I'm like, I'm just going to ride it one more week.
This will probably be my last week. But stat of the week, if you blindly bet $100 on every NFL underdog money line, so far this season, you'd be up $1,400 Okay.
So, Hank, consider... How about this? Since we're not getting on the underdog train and we're letting you ride that and make money off it, how about you just split some of your earnings from this point forward with us? Because if we were on that train, you would immediately lose.
Deal. And you guys will take half my debt.
No, I didn't say that. Nope.
No deal. Because you're not going to lose, so there's not going to be any debt.
Right. So why would you even want us to give you the debt? You never know.
Okay, sounds like you're not going to. I'll buy up all your debt.
And then repackage it. Repackage it.
Yeah, put it into a bond and sell it to PFT. We should do synthetic what are those? Synthetic CDOs and then just sell our missed bets to other other bookies? People forget because I haven't mentioned in a while.
I read The Big Short. So fun fact, one of the guys that I went on The Bachelor Party with, his bookie actually started off his business by taking investments from everybody.
Okay. And now he's using his profits that he's made.
So he got like $3,500, $4,000 from a big group of people to start his bookie business. Right.
And now he's paying them off like on a yearly basis in dividends and his own profits. And so he's basically started his own stock market based on losers.
I love it. He's paying it forward.
I love it. My underdog is going to be the R-Words because homecoming weekend.
There we go. Nine and a half points, homecoming weekend.
Say no more. Kyle Shanahan probably misses his dad dropping him off at the dances.
Say no more. They're going to get their ass kicked.
But the one weekend, the Redskins, I didn't bet on them last weekend. I thought about taking them straight up, and I didn't.
And so now I'm mad about that, and also just homecoming weekend. You are in a personal revenge spot on the Dolphins and the Redskins, sir.
You are about to – are you too big to fail? No, it's a weird – yes, I am too big to fail. I would hope so because if you chase the Redskins and Dolphins, you're in trouble.
Yes. But you have to.
You need justice. I think they were both 0-4 against the spread going into last weekend.
Alright, my underdog is going to be the Eagles. I'm going to bet the money line on that.
I don't even need the 2.5-3 points. Give me the money line.
That's going to be our Sunday night. Hank, you're going to love that.
We're going to bet that. We're going to cheer.
Cheer for the Eagles big time. Give me your over, Hank.
Rams-Falcons. That's mine, too.
Okay. PFT.
Jared's about to light it up this weekend. Yes, he is.
I can feel it in my plums. Yes, he is.
He's going to want to tear. That's a long-time Jared fan.
Like a four-game tear. Longer than you? No.
No. Actually, no.
No. Fact, no.
Fact check, no. I should clarify that I did bet the Redskins against the spread last week against the Dolphins, and both teams fucked me over.
I somehow lost both. Okay, so my over is Baltimore-Seattle, 49.5.
I like that as well. Points, points, points, points, points, points.
All right, let's finish with the unders, and then we'll go to fantasy fuckboys. I'm an idiot.
I reverse myself. My over is the Saints-Bears, and my under is the Rams-Valcons.
Oh, damn. Hank, do you want to do your down unders? When did you become sharp? I don't know.
Like, you're betting sharp things. I don't like it.
Do you see what he just did? He's hypnotized himself. Yeah, he just took the lowest under, and he bet the over, and then he took the highest over, and he bet the under.
Like, that's a sharp move. That's what a smart person would do.
Right. Everyone else does the reverse.
But Hank, don't you think that those two high-powered offenses are going to score a lot of points? I think the Rams are going to score a lot of points. I think the Falcons, you think the Falcons are going to score a lot of points because it's the Falcons, but they're actually terrible.
Julio Jones, Calvin Ridley. Yeah.
They got a lot of... Montae Freeman.
Matt Ryan's not a bad quarterback. Yep.
A lot of guys. All right, PFT, you're under.

My under is Houston Indy, under 47 and a half.

I kind of like both the defenses.

Yeah, I agree with that.

All right, I'm going to finish off with Vikings-Lions under 44. That feels like, like you said earlier,

Kirk Cousins is going to have a Kirk Cousins game.

The Lions are going to grind that out.

All right, should we do it?

Should we do Fantasy Fuckboys?

Then we got Derek Watt and Steve Wilkos. What's up, boys? It's Gio Gorgonzola.
Hey, Gio, stinky cheese feet. My stardom is AI.
No, not the answer. I'm talking artificial intelligence.
You just crossed us off. We're talking about talking about real dolls They got this shit You do ad reads And you don't even say a word That's the future It's fucked Can we do that? Yeah Alright Probably, maybe I don't know It's scary What if this fan's Fuckboy's AI? One day, you never know Right now Yeah Rebo.
My sit-em is gray hands.

LeBron's beard went gray.

All the China situation stressed him out.

He's getting old.

He's looking bad.

He needs a tie job quick.

We don't gray hair shame. That's fine.

It's fine.

It's pretty.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio.

Gio. Thank you.
And my sleeper is Matt Ryan It goes against what Hank just said But only one quarterback has averaged 40 attempts per game the last 16 And that's right It's Matty fucking Ice Hank's an idiot He's gonna make his shitload of money for Hank this weekend What's up fuckheads This is Mouser Dong I'm here to tell you this weekend I'm starting money That's right All the sticky green cash All the cash money All the change in my pocket You know what you can use money to buy. That's right.
Soup. Because it's soup season.
Tax return season, bitches. Yeah.
I'm talking chili. Chili's a soup.
Chili's a soup. I'm talking chowder, bisque, you name it.
Wedding soup, broccoli cheddar, baked potato. I could go on and on and on.
I'm sitting doing nice things for your mother. That's right.
Because it's going to backfire on her. You try to do something nice for her birthday, set up with some nice tickets to a good baseball game, to do the playoffs.
Next thing you know, the internet's talking about some random guy fucking her. I still love my mother.
Yeah, my sleeper, Saquon Barkley. People take that, Saquon Barkley.
He's been out. He's been out for a long time.
People forget that he's coming back this week. Get him off your IR.
Put him back onto your roster. Almost fucked PFT Comto over with that one, but he's a smart guy.
He remembered a check. All right, what's up, guys? It's Frankie Fettuccine.
My stardom this week is... You use that name like Pac-Man.
That's fine. I don't give a fuck.
My stardom this week is Brooks Koepka. He fucking put that nerd Rory Mcroy in a locker He said he hasn't won shit in five years Brooks, go Brooks, go Go Brooks, you fucking Blake My sit-em is Space Jam 2 If you watch Space Jam 2 You support China and all they're doing And the bad stuff And we already disavowed that shit LeBron is so transparent That he only wanted to say nice things about China Because he wants to sell his stupid movies.
Space Jam 2, Space Jam 1's better. MJ's better than LeBron.
Great beard, old fuck. My cousin sells them on bootlegs on the corner, though, if you want to see before it comes out.
My sleeper is Mike Golick. Mike Golick will give you a butt massage that will put you to sleep.
He gave a butt massage live on air today. Holy shit, that guy gave a butt massage.
DHFT probably wants one of them.

Stugatz.

Yeah.

Ain't got an ass like this guy.

Nah, Stugatz fancy fuck boys.

All right, yeah, Michael, you did that.

I saw that.

Yeah, they were paying up a bet that they lost like two years ago.

Butt massage?

Yeah.

I thought it was greeny.

I had to do a triple take because I thought Stugatz was greeny.

I know, I know.

Trust me.

No, they're not touching butts anymore. They've touched that butt enough.
Okay, let's do Derek Watt. So we have Derek Watt on the show.
No, we don't do that, although he told us a funny story about that. And before we get to Derek Watt, we're going to get right back to part of my take.
Y'all. Cowboys.
Cowboys. Nope.
Texans. Texans! There you go.
Okay, so let's do uh derek watt okay we now welcome on a very special guest it is derek watt the forgotten watt brother is it okay if i say that that's fine whatever whatever works for you i'll take it okay well you're you might be the forgotten watt but you probably are our favorite Watt brother because, one, you went to the University of Wisconsin, which obviously I went to, and, two, you're a fullback, which means PFT loves you. Yeah.
Definitely. I appreciate that, guys.
I appreciate the support. Like you said, I see it all the time on Twitter.
There's a third Watt brother, so I see it all the time. Well, you're partially to blame for that.
Now, your initials are DJ, and you could easily be DJ, and your brother TJ and your other brother JJ, so that I think would go a long way in having people realize that you're a third Watt brother, but you decided at an early age that that was not going to be your path? This is true, yes. That could be a big, significant role in it.
But, yeah, when I was, shoot, I think like five or six years old, I just kind of came home one day and told my mom, no, no DJ, just Derek. And I know she had said the other day that – so she started calling me just Derek.
So she was using it like calling me just derrick hey come here just derrick no no no derrick so i got uh i got dj from uh full house and dw from arthur stuff like that i was like just call me my name so i kind of put that stuff when i was a kid okay um so we do know your brother jj we haven't met tj yet haven't had the pleasure uh jj said he could kick your ass would you like to respond to that uh he's a big man uh but you know well uh we haven't really had any any battles where we've had to worry about that so you know we're we're brothers we uh you know we fought we were kids but it was usually tj and i versus jj because he was much bigger than us at the time so when when you guys go to – when you visit JJ's compound, the training compound.

No, no, his rustic –

His rustic cabin.

Yeah, which we've been to.

What is the sport that you guys all compete in, and is there a point where –

because we always get fascinated by this, like the Harbaugh brothers.

They always talk about when they compete and then it gets a little too serious.

Does it still get a little too serious sometimes when you guys are all competing in something? Oh, yeah. I mean, it's – shoot, there's not one sport.
It's whatever we're doing. We're always competing.
And, you know, whether we're doing a workout and it's whoever's jumping the farthest in the sand pit, whoever's, you know, making the most shots or playing basketball, something like that. Whatever you're doing, you're arguing about something.
It's never – no one's ever a clear-cut winner. There's always some sort of dispute, and competition's always at the forefront.
And, yeah, it's always a battle of some sort, that's for sure. I can imagine, yeah.
Who was your favorite player that you've ever had to block for, and why is it Danny Woodhead? Oh, Danny Danny's a great guy obviously obviously I would you know I've known Elvin for seven years at this point and I've been around him you know been with him forever but Danny honestly took me under his wing when I came in as a rookie so I have I love Danny you know him and him and his family are great they took my wife in and I in when we were rookies and you know I know guys are big fans of them, and I'm a big fan of them as well. Best friends.
Yes, absolutely. So you recently became a father.
Did Phil Rivers start respecting you more once you had a kid? He's like, all right, mother freaker, you're one ninth of the way there. Now we can actually be boys.
Yeah, he said I got a long way to go, but it's a step in the right direction. And I told them there's no chance I'm catching you, man.
I don't know how in the world they're doing that. That is wild.
Well, I have an idea of how they're doing it, but yeah. Yes, yes, yes.
Does he ever show up with all of his kids at once? No, I've never seen them. I don't think I've ever seen them all together.

And once I've seen them in little trumps,

I don't know if they can all get to one place at one time in one vehicle.

I've always wondered that.

I think they have their own school bus, honestly.

He's going to get a show on TLC eventually.

That's so funny that, like, no one's seen all the kids at once.

You see a few here, you see a few there,

and then, like, you know, you piece it together in your brain, like, all right, I know those four, and I've seen those two, and then there's another three over there. That's perfect.
So let's talk a little Badger football because I am – now obviously it's a little different because you played, and it's always different on the player's side and the fan's side. But I have my hopes up all the way now, and that means that I'm going to get them, my guts ripped out of my chest.
Do you still watch the Badgers? Are you able to follow the team? I know it's been a few years since you've been in Madison, but are you able to follow the team? And how do you feel this team's going to do the rest of the year? Definitely, yes. We follow the team um it's crazy the game against Ohio State I just saw the other day it's gonna get noon yep central that that sucker will start at 9 a.m.
out here that's that's what's crazy about uh you know games it's 9 a.m. start here um it's we're gonna be in meetings on Saturday morning when when it starts but I'll be able to catch the most of second half.
I usually am able to. I think they're great, man.
They're off to a great start, as you've been watching. I would love to not see your guts ripped out.
Mine as well. I'm very invested.
Always will be. There's still a few guys left that I played with when I was there, so it's good to see them, and a lot of the coaches are the same so always supporting the badgers and it'll be uh you know if they can beat ohio state it'll it'll uh you know really i think kind of put them over the that that next step that'll uh get them some more respect in the polls yeah in in a weird way i don't i don't want to say don't want them to beat oh State in Columbus, but if they beat Ohio State in Columbus,

then I would put it at a 0% chance we beat them again in Indy.

So in a weird way, I want to use this as a recon mission and get close

and then beat them in Indy and go to the college football playoffs

and then win the national championship, and then I'll just die of happiness.

Actually, no, I'll die of smugness on Twitter, just sticking it in everyone's face. I'll be the most insufferable person in the world.
I don't 100% disagree with that. It is hard to beat a team twice in one year.
But I like to hope that we can do it. Okay.
Worst case, like you said, recon mission, get close, get all their secrets, and know that you can hang with them and then take it to them in the Big the big 10 championship yeah that'd be real tough though if you lost in the big 10 did you ever did you ever uh bounce at wando's or no no i did not uh what was your we'll do one uh totally not relatable question what was your favorite bar in madison um i went to wando's a decent amount i would say wando's is probably the place to be. Wando's is the bar that they basically have more draft picks than most non-Power 5 schools in terms of bouncers.
That's like Nick Saban lets you work at a Mercedes-Benz dealership at Alabama. At Wisconsin, they just have you bounce at a bar.
Right, they'll have years where there'll be like four draft picks bounced at Wando's. I'm looking through this recent history of tweets.
Your kid, Logan, is very cute. And I'm looking at the controversy going on between JJ and TJ fighting for who gets to be the favorite uncle.
One just free tip if you're an uncle out there, if you want to be known as a favorite uncle, just teach the kid that your name is Favorite Uncle and then your name.

It's a really easy life hack.

But I'm looking at the Halloween costumes that were sent by JJ and TJ,

and JJ's gloating that he's the favorite uncle because he sent a cool lion as opposed to a pumpkin one.

Can you confirm that JJ is the official favorite uncle?

Well, JJ actually sent both of those costumes.

Him and his fiance sent both the lion and the pumpkin.

T.J. did not send a costume, so there's that.

Oh, okay.

Wow.

Easy.

T.J. did send a – he sent a Steelers jersey, number 90.

J.J. got wind of that once T.J.
played.

Whenever T.J. is playing and I'm not playing, I'll let him wear it.

So J.J. said a Texans jersey is in the mail, so we just got that a couple days ago.
So they're battling it out. JJ was here two or three weeks ago.
Logan would not smile. He couldn't get a smile out of him, and TJ was here this past weekend, and I think it was partially the circumstances, but the environment we were around.
Logan was smiling a little bit more with TJ, so JJ kind of admitted the upper hand to TJ right now. Oh, damn.
Okay, I like that. Keep us updated on the Uncle Power rankings as the season moves along.
I want to talk to you real quick. I'm a big fan of fullbacks, as Big Cat mentioned earlier.
Did you see former Wisconsin fullback Alec Ingold's fullback assist in London? It was against the the Bears where he dove like three yards into something. Have you ever even thought about doing that? You know, you got to do what you got to do.
It's the goal line, man. And he made a great play there and helped the running back get in, and that's what you got to do.
It was a pretty solid play. I've never seen that before.
And then I'd like you to talk me through last year in the playoffs, you had an opportunity to score a touchdown in the, in the game against the Ravens and you pulled maybe the most fullback move of all time to try to get into the end zone, like a barrel roll from two yards out on the ground to get in. Can you walk me through that play? Yeah.
You know, it was a ball. It was kind of low and I tried to get out and get low and in dough for it and no one was there touching me i was like shoot i'm not in yet so i tried to do the old stop drop and roll into the end zone i thought i was in replay showed i was in but uh the refs kind of called otherwise and i still am touchdownless to this point that's That's unfortunate.
One in college. One in college.
One in college. Yeah.
Yeah, okay. Yeah, so that's eight years of playing the position and one touchdown.
That's almost better, though, that you only have that one touchdown. To me, it's more of a fullback if you just get one and you're like, you know what? The scoring's kind of overrated.
I'd rather let the other guy do it. Yeah, one is better than having like four.
Yeah. If you got like 10, then it's like, okay, this guy scores.
But one is like, ooh, there's that one. Yeah, I got you.
I respect that. I don't disagree.
Wait, JJ must have like four or four or five touchdowns right shit yeah yeah that sucks if he plays defense has more touchdowns damn um did you have you ever met bolt man bolt man i i don't think i've ever met him no damn okay well that was a bad question by me um uh you have a lot of clean it up for me pf got you. You got a lot of footballs behind you.
How many game balls are they giving to fullbacks these days? Yeah, I got a couple. Some are for offense.
I got more than – most of them are for special teams, special teams player of the game. Gotcha.
Because that's where I'm making most of the impact. Yeah, I'm getting my tackles on special teams.
You know what? We should have like a favorite uncle competition between us, like amongst the Watt brothers. Oh, which one of you guys? Yeah.
Yeah. We started sending Derek's son a bunch of clothes and stuff.
Yeah, absolutely. And we're like, actually, it's us.
Yeah, can we inject ourselves into this rivalry? Can we just hug JJ as the uncle? Sure. That would be fun.
Hey, speaking of that, did you, when the uh-hey JJs were like at their peak, did you notice them? Did you know that there was going on? Yeah, so my wife, that's funny, my wife was actually just, I told her I was doing this, and she said, didn't they used to kind of make fun of JJ with the uh-hey JJ stuff? And I was like, yeah, yeah, those were going around. Definitely saw a few of them, that's for sure.

Yeah, they made it pretty big.

Well, listen.

We've grown as people.

Well, not only that, but I think we knew that it was, you know,

JJ actually, like, dealt with it perfectly by, like, kind of getting in on the joke.

And then we've had a couple of times where he's come by and it's always been fun.

And that's the best way.

It was actually a perfect lesson in how to just disarm a joke is to just accept it and then and then it kind of dies on its own no one does it anymore yeah yeah that's funny though that's like i always think about that like shit yeah we were kind of we were kind of assholes but you know what like we we actually the fact that we were assholes to jj to begin with and now we've like kind of calmed that tension down between

us. Like we like JJ a lot and I

think he likes us too. So

it was perfect the way it worked out.

I got one last question for you.

What's your favorite word

that Phillip Rivers uses instead

of a cuss word?

It's gotta be dad gum.

Dad gum.

There's really only that and shoot. Shoot! Dadgum.
And motherfreaker. Motherfreaker, yeah.
And gracious to Pete. Gracious to Pete.
Shoot. He's got me saying shoot.
But gracious to Pete, he definitely does say too. And he doesn't, I mean, he's not yelling at us very often it's usually at the other team or you know in in lightheartedness but yeah it's usually dad gum gracious to pete i forgot about that one what about at the end of a game in the fourth quarter let's say it's like i don't know 6 30 p.m on a sunday and you guys are down to score what's what's phil saying to the to the team what's he saying on the sideline what's he saying in the huddle and he's just let's go we got to go down score we got to go win this one and uh he's he's he's good at being that that leadership role and he'll um you know and when you do something wrong he'll let you know about it but uh you know he's good at he's got that motor motivator factor to him and uh you know you're never out of the game when you got Phillip a quarterback yeah um I always feel like you have a chance yeah he's good at – he's got that motivator factor to him.
And, you know, you're never out of the game when you've got Phillip a quarterback. Yeah.
I always feel like you have a chance. Yeah, he's been in that spot before, so you can feel it.
Definitely, definitely. All right, my last question.
So, J.J. did the commencement speech in Madison.
I'm assuming T.J. will do it at some point, which leads me to ask, me versus you.
Who do we think has a better chance of doing a commencement speech in Madison? I would guess you 100 percent. I'd say we're on the same level of grad at this point.
Like the TJ and JJ are way above us. But I feel like we might we maybe we just go package deal, the two of us, and we pitch it to them.
You get a Watt brother and you get a guy who probably they don't want to be associated with the university and we'll throw that at them. I'm down for that.
I mean, I, neither of those two graduated. So that's the, that's the weird part.
Oh, good point. And you did.
That's the craziest part. I graduated.
Oh, You're an alumni. I did too.
Let's go. So we got two graduates, and combined has to be better than a single non-graduate, right? I agree.
I agree. Good points all around.
I agree. All right.
Well, Derek, thank you, man. And by the way, we need to – I think it was actually because you were about to have a kid, but we proposed the idea to JJ.
We want to do it next year. We want to have part of my take versus the Watt Brothers Olympics, where it's me, Hank, and PFT versus you, TJ, and JJ.
We can pick 10 events, and we just duel it out for a couple hours at his rustic cabin, one day in the spring. I like our odds.
All right. Yeah, that would make for some for some good tv some good video whatever you got and uh if you guys will accept that challenge every day of the week okay you don't know the event first challenge first challenge most college degrees wins we have two out of our three you have one out of three done all right you guys take the first one that might be the only one there we go there we go all go.
All right, Derek. Well, thank you, man.
We appreciate it. Good luck rest of the season, man.
No problem. Thanks, guys, for having me.
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Use promo code MYTAKE to get started. And now, Steve Wilkos.
And now for something completely different. Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest.
It is Steve Wilkos, legend in the... What? You don't think you're a legend? No, I don't.
Why what oh well okay let's do it marine chicago police officer jerry springer's right hand man has his own show legendary i've been very fortunate with the things i've done uh the marines was basically because out of high school i couldn't get into college so i but i always did want to be a Marine. My dad was an Army paratrooper, and I always thought the military was kind of cool.
And my dad was a Chicago cop. I became a cop.
The TV thing was just a fluke. I went to work on the spring show to provide security for one day and didn't think it was going to turn into 25 years of TV.
Did you have the shaved head back then too? No. We were down in Florida.
We were taping Springer Break shows down at Daytona Beach. And one of the producers, and I kept my, I was going bald anyways.
And one of the producers, and I kept it very close, like Marine Corps style. And he goes, why don't you shave your head? He goes, you really stand out.
And I went to a barbershop. But they only took it down so much.
And I went to my hotel room and I shaved the rest. And I looked like I ran through a thorn bush.
You know what I mean? It looked terrible. But I did it, and it did.
Like, my popularity on the show became. Yeah.
So you think that had at least something to do with it? It certainly made me stand out more on the show. Because I've never recognized a recurring security guard on any other show, any other talk show, but I was like, that's the guy with the bald head.
That's Steve. And then once I knew your name, then I found out your last name.
Then you got your own show and I'm like, oh, the bald guy Steve Wilkos is getting his own show which i watched and i really enjoyed steve wilkos show i like how it showed a different side of you oh definitely um and the great thing i'd like to say about my shows you know every most people in daytime tv are all chasing the same thing right celebrities and you know jerry had his show and Maury does the DNA. And, you know, the thing about my show is we're

dealing with nobody else is doing where you know uh stories of uh abuse molestation you know we do the cheating and a little bit dna too but a lot of our shows are like crimes that are being adjudicated right now in the legal system and people are taking lie detector tests and we're getting people that are going to court within the next few weeks and they're coming out taking a lie detector test and I'm like why would you do that right glad they they are right not a great legal strategy right yeah I I mean I would never take how good are lie detector tests I've always I've always felt like people just, you could hear one person say they're great and one person says they're absolute trash. I do think they're very accurate, especially I think Dan Rivacoff is one of the top lie detector examiners in the country.
And here's a perfect example. Because when we, Dan started working for us when we made the move to Stanford, Connecticut.

And I'll never forget this story where it was a guy who was dating a girl.

And the girlfriend said, I know you're sleeping with your girlfriend.

Like, just friend.

And, man, they had me convinced.

But they both failed to test his supposed just friend and uh they both failed for sleeping with each other but they were like no no it's not right and they were like and so after the show was over i said i told the producer bring each one of them in separately into my office and i said come on man tell me the truth it's just you and me right now did you sleep together oh yeah so like you know then i said i i'm not questioning anymore right that's interesting so you're like the human element of trying to believe someone but then the lie detector truthfully i would say probably 80 to 85 percent of the time you don't need the lie detector test, right? Because somebody's telling their story, and you just, just like when you're a cop, you figure it out. And then, you know, if you make them tell the story a couple times, and things start changing, well, then it's not true.
Right. You know right away.
I've always heard that a way to pass a lie detector test, because they ask you a baseline question, or a series of baseline questions at the start, right, that they know you will answer truthfully. So if I say, like, what's your name? You would say Steve.
And it's like, okay, we've got that baseline for what the truth looks like. I've heard that if you squeeze your butt real tight when you answer those questions, it produces the same stimulus as fear does on a lie detector test.
First of all, we're measuring your, like, I'm not very scientific at all, but I have, I think, a brief thing where it's reading your brain, you know, waves and, you know, your physical response to it. And when you're making up a story, when you're recalling memories that are truthful, your body produces a certain stimuli, you know, from your brain.
And when you have to create something, it's a totally different thing. So that's all.
Interesting. What about? I would love if we could find out, everybody that comes on the show, if we could search their history browser.
Yes. How many people beat a lot of times? I even asked a guy this last week on the show, I go, I bet you any money that if we checked your history browser, you looked on Google to see how you beat a live type of stuff.
He goes, oh, yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
Absolutely. So, all right.
So similar to that, you were a Chicago police officer. Is it true that if you eat a lot of pennies, you can pass a breathalyzer? I've never heard that.
Okay. I've heard that.
Keep pennies in your mouth. I've also heard.
Just show pennies in your don't swallow them. No, don't swallow them.
Get the copper or whatever gets in your mouth and then it will like, you know, not. But see, in Chicago, in the 12 years I was a police officer, I wrote one DUI.
Right. Nobody wants to write DUIs.
Right. I mean, we're busy.
I worked in a very high crime district, so I wanted to get guns and drugs and bad guys.

Nobody wanted to write a DUI.

So everyone had pennies in their mouth.

If you were nice, I mean.

Going right by you.

Well, this actually ties in with what I've heard how to pass a DUI, which is mustard packets.

Ludacris taught me that.

That is a big Chicago.

You know the best.

That one surprised me, knowing that you only wrote one DUI in Chicago.

Yeah.

Right, because like I said, it's tons of paperwork,

and it takes you off the street for something

that then you have to go to travel court.

You never want to do it.

But the best way to be the DUI, don't drink.

Yeah, take an Uber.

I thought you were going to give me an actual trick here.

Did you have any moment when you started getting the celebrity

where maybe the police officers you did serve with were like,

hey, what's this guy?

He thinks he's bigger than us, or he thinks he's better than us. No, you know, actually, even now, I mean, God, I've been off the police department for 18 years now, which is crazy because for me that was like going to be a large part of my life.
But even I was just, I have a lake house in Wisconsin. I went back earlier in September, and I went down to a casino.
Which one? Rivers Casino. Okay, yeah.
In Des Plaines, Illinois. And they literally built it about three blocks from my old house when I lived in Illinois.
Thank God that I wasn't there when I was there. But I was coming home late, and I was trying to get home because it was like 2 o'clock in the morning.
I'm doing like 100 miles an hour, and the state trooper pulls me over, and he just walks up. He goes, Steve? I go, yeah.
He goes, oh, man. I'm like, oh, my God, this thing is going to be bad.
Yeah, yeah. No, so first of all, I'm very pro-police, and I do a lot of things with the police, support the police.
So most cops, I think, are really cool with me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So when you started working on the Jerry Springer show, how many of those fights in, like, the first couple seasons were you actually scared for yourself or scared that they might do some damage on stage? Never. Never was I scared because, you know, I had all my guys with me, you know, doing the show, but there was one time I was embarrassed.
We had these two guys were fighting over this one dude's wife. One guy was sleeping with her, the other guy's married to her.
And they're not big guys. They're kind of smaller guys, but, you know, and they're hillbillies from Kentucky, so, you know know they just don't look intimidating and uh nobody tells me that both of them are all state high school wrestlers oh no man they were throwing us around like we were ragdolls you know and like it was embarrassing I landed on my ass I got thrown off the stage and uh I came back and I told the producer, I go,

hey man, you know, what's the deal? I go, you know, that's information

I would kind of need to know.

If we have like a professional

boxer on the show, give me

a heads up.

Yeah, that was the kind of thing.

And the fights, people say,

oh, those fights weren't real.

I'm only going to speak about when I was on the show because I left a long time ago, 2007, to start my own show. But when I started, and I'm saying I started in 94, but the heyday of the fights was like 1997 to 2001, like that four-year period.
And I'm telling you, I tore a groin. I had a concussion got hit in the head with a chair I got hit in the head with a chair Did you bleed from that? The concussion? Yeah when you got hit in the head? No it just boom it caught me on the side of the head For some reason this might have been just like an implanted memory that didn't actually happen but I thought there was an episode where you bled No I never bled on the shows you should have cut yourself like a wrestler i bled on my hands and stuff from all the girls digging their fingernails in me um but that was it and then like oh and i've had two major back operations you know from the springer show so i always told people if those fights were fake then i'm really mad because then i got hurt for nothing right but But when and then and then when the uncensored tape, Jerry Springer's uncensored tape two, the

second one that came out, me and my wife, who was one of the executive producers on

Spurs show, we watched it at home and I was like, holy cow, this is, this is really violent,

man.

Like it was, and this is real violence.

So yeah. So during that time, I mean, the fights.

Listen, and I always told people all the time,

if you're on a show and some dude's sleeping with your wife,

it ain't going to take a lot to get you going.

You know what I mean?

Where you want to kill this guy.

Now, was it a situation like sometimes we'll talk to firefighters

and firefighters are like, yeah, we want to work.

We want to go fight fires.

Sitting around and having nothing to do is the worst.

We'll be right back. Situation, like, sometimes we'll talk to firefighters, and firefighters are like, yeah, we want to work.

We want to go fight fires.

Sitting around and having nothing to do is the worst.

Would you have shows where you're like, I want there to be fights.

I want to be able to get in the mix.

I don't want to sit there and just watch.

We wanted fights because it made for a better show.

Yeah. You know what I mean?

Like, when the studio went out for grabs, I mean, you can't, I can't describe to you vividly enough what that was like being in a Springer studio in Chicago. And like I said, the four prime years of, you know, just when Jerry was number one show in the world.
I mean, it was like the biggest sporting event inside a little TV studio. I mean, adrenaline, like the executive producer would try to yell at me.
I'd be on stage. I'm only 20 feet away.
I couldn't hear him. Right.
Because that's how loud it was in there. And, you know, we had audience members getting into it.
And it was just, it was like the craziest show in the history of TV. I love it.
I love this shit. What about instances where there would be women fighting and one of the women would be wearing wearing, like, a tube top? Because I felt like that happened a lot.
There were tons of tubes. You ripped a lot of clothes off on that show.
Yeah, so there's a woman who she's going after, another lady that's sleeping with her husband or whatever, and the breast pops out, as they often do during fights. So hot.
Yeah, so hot, really hot. That gets you going if you're a guy.
When we were, like, 13. Yeah, that was as good as it got on television.
It was that and like Howard Stern censored on E. Yeah.
That was it. So when that's happening and maybe there's just one breast that's popped out of the tube top and it's your job to keep them apart, do you have to think, I need to avoid touching her breast when I'm holding her back? I did whatever I wanted to.
There was no rules on Springer. Right.
mean that's break up the fight right i mean and you know it's funny i don't even know why i was thinking about this today like i did skits at the end of the show that you know like we would walk with certain guests and we did things like and i'm sure nowadays and you know where you can't do anything you gotta be politically correct, that people would probably be appalled where I thought it was super hilarious when I was doing them. Very different times.
Yeah, so there was just no rules on Springer. I always equivalent to being in high school with your buddies and pulling each other's pants down.
I mean, that's what we did. You went to work.
There wasn't like, okay, we're going to do this. We just went in by the seat of our pants and taped.
Sounds like the best job of all time. It does sound like fun.
It was the funnest time of my life. Did you ever do the thing where if you're trying to break up a fight, but you also kind of want them to fight more, where you do the grab them, but you're kind of pushing them together yes we did that we did that um and then like if i didn't like you i let you get your ass kick for a while right i was kind of slow on getting up on stage you know but if i you know because see and i always say this when guys don't want to look bad when they're in a fight right it's It's all about ego, man.
You know, we're the tough guy.

I can't look bad.

When women fight, they didn't give a damn about how they looked

or what was going on.

Like, they just were like, you know, two starving dogs going at each other,

you know?

And guys, like, they're looking like, hey, Steve, when are you getting up here?

Yeah, get up here and break this up.

Right.

So the women didn't care.

I read something somewhere where you were talking about how there was so much hair ripped out when the women fought that you would start to collect it. I did.
So, again, nowadays if you did that, you'd probably get in trouble, right? Well, it's creepy. It's fine.
No matter what. But, yeah, go ahead and get a hair collection.
Yeah, yeah. So the women would just pull their hair out.
And, like, you, and I'd pick it off the stage and throw it in the back. Well, I started a little ball, and I'd just start wrapping up the hair.
And then after a couple years, the thing was like a bowling ball, of just tightly packed hair in the head. It had every different color in it.
Where'd you keep it? Backstage. It was just all the fight.

Everybody ask you, hey, Steve, what's up with the giant hairball?

We were in NBC Tower, so we had all these shelves and stuff,

and it just had all kind of props for all different shows,

not just for our show because there was a lot of shows being taped.

And I literally just had that bowling ball of hair, man.

That's unbelievable.

And I do wonder, like, what happened to the ball?

Is it still sitting there in a corner somewhere?

Oh, man. That's unbelievable.
And I do wonder, like, what happened to the ball? Is it still sitting there in a corner somewhere? Oh, my God. Imagine, yeah, like the Viking funeral for that thing.
We had these old security shirts. They were like bowling shirts.
Yeah, they were awesome. You looked cool.
Yeah, I loved them. And one time this girl, she had so much makeup on, she got in a fight, and she ran smack dab into my chest,

and her perfectly makeup face left her outline on my shirt.

It looked so cool, right?

Well, then we took the shirt off, and we hung it in the offices at Springer Show.

That's a really cool thing.

And when we moved, I should have took the shirt down.

Who knows who has that shirt?

Actually, no, it's good that you left the bowling ball hair. The bowling ball hair.
When I was younger, I thought it was cool. Now it would be super gross.
You know what I mean? I'm curious to know, though, about the bowling ball of hair. What color was it? Multi.
Yeah. Everything.
Multi. So when you combine them all together, it didn't appear.
I would say most of the guests that got in fights. It looked darker.
But there was blonde streaks in it. You had a lot of peroxide blondes on that show.
I mean, I'll say this. During the years on Springer, man, we had a lot of good-looking women on that show.
I mean, people say we're hillbillies or what, but they were good-looking. And you had all their hair.
We had all their hair. I mean, you think about it.
You go on a TV show, and you're walking out with a bald spot. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Yes. There's no other TV show that that was going to happen.
Yes. Did you ever consider nailing down all the furniture on stage? No, because I think that added to, you know, the excitement, the chairs flying and all that.
We just never thought about it. It was, like I said, I got hit with a chair and it was a heavy chair and then after that i think we went to lighter chairs yeah you know yeah that's a smart move what's your chair throwing record i remember that one time you threw the chair and it's stuck that was real well you see if you watch that show you see my reaction like and everybody like the studio's going crazy i throw the chair and if you

watch the tape of that show i'm stunned yes like i'm like holy cow i'll show you pft that's like when uh when walter white threw the pizza on the roof and breaking bad i wrote a blog about it back in 2013 i think i was watching the show live we uh we cut out the wall that part of the wall that hangs in our offices.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, it's insane.

Yeah.

It's insane.

That's a one in a million shot. Well, you see, they don't have – You don't have afterwards.
Because, like, I didn't even see the thing stuck. Then when I saw it stuck in a wall, I'm like, holy moly.
So what's your chair-throwing record? Have you ever tried, like, see how many feet, yards you could throw a chair? Well, the stage isn't really big. We should probably get you out in the field or something but you know what's crazy it's like uh monkey see monkey do right i was doing it and then like all our guests do it now like instead of me throwing the chair they throw the chair and so i'm like hey man that's great because i got a torn labor on my shoulder right now so right um we were talking with jerry little bit about this, but he wasn't the security guy, so I don't know the insight he had to the backstage operation that you guys used because I know at the Maury show at least there's a very strict regimen of keeping people in certain rooms at certain times so they don't run into each other before they're on camera.
Did you ever have any fights that took place backstage that weren't on camera?

Yeah, that happened once in a while just because, you know,

somebody who knew who's working a production assistant,

they don't know the routine.

They slip up.

Somebody got to, and all of a sudden I was in my office,

Steve, you know, big fights breaking out, and we'd go in there.

So, yeah, that happened once in a while.

But for the most part, it was like clockwork.

We had the operation down pretty good.

When somebody got hurt or injured during a fight on stage,

did anybody ever press charges?

Or was it more like what happens on the show stays on the show?

No, because everybody that comes on, it's so you're signing a million waivers and, you know, waiving your right to lawsuits and all that. So if anything, it would go to mediation.
You couldn't sue. But there was one time when these two guys were fighting.
And so before the show really took off, our stage was, you know, a wooden stage, probably about two feet higher than the concrete floor in NBC Studios. And it didn't go all the way to the wall.
So, like, you watch those old clips. Somebody's coming up, and then they took two steps up onto the stage.
Well, one time these two guys were fighting, and the one guy falls off the stage. He's just laying there.
and me and Mike McDormand, who runs, he's the head of my security on my show now, we run over there. We're like, get up, get up, get back in there, you know, like keep fighting.
The guy goes, I can't. You know, I broke my leg.
I'm like, bullshit, your leg's not broke. Get up there.
He goes, no, really, my leg's broke. We peel his jeans up, and his bone is sticking to his leg.
And we're like, oh, man, he's telling the truth. That guy is, yeah.
He doesn't need a lie detector test to figure out that he's got a broken leg. Unbelievable.
What about the time you got hit in the face with a bowl? That's another favorite moment. I don't even know where that bowl came from.
So either did I. So? So like, you know, you do your show and I'm really not looking at my surroundings.
Like, I guess there was a wooden chest with a, like, metal bowl just for decorations. Like, you know, who are we? Like some Katie Couric show.
Like, why do we have that? Like, the whole set looks industrial looking and then we have a wooden chest with a little metal bowl. It's so stupid.
I didn't even know it was on the set. But anyways, this woman was on the show because she believed that her daughter was poisoning her.
And when you see the daughter, she's like 20 years old. She's really good looking.
She seems so sweet. Well, she turns out she failed for pouring bleach in her mother's orange juice every day, a little bit, you know.
So, you know, right? Can you gradually poison somebody with bleach or is that just an all or nothing? I have no idea, but that's what she was doing. If I were to do it, I would just use a lot of bleach.
But you would think that you would taste it, right? Yeah. You know, bleach.
But anyways, the mother gets so mad, she runs back and gets that bowl and tries to whip it at her daughter but it like shut off this way and it just i i really thought my eye came out it was a perfect shot boom i mean direct hit and i you know i went down i'm like oh my god is my eye still my head my wife came running up on stage and you know everybody's like we're gonna lock her up this i go no because the show is fantastic right you know Because it's such a great story. I said, no, no.
They're like, we'll take you to the hospital. I go, no, I'm not bleeding.
I'm fine. My eye's still in my head.
So after the show, the lawyers and our production manager comes up, don't worry, we're going to take that out of the show. I go, are you crazy? I go, you leave that in the show.
Yes. And it was our highest rated show ever.

Absolutely.

Steve goes down.

Yes.

Yeah, and you went down.

Yeah, it came out of nowhere.

Did anyone ever approach you about being an action star?

No.

When Springer was pretty popular, I did wrestling.

You know, like not WWE type wrestling,

but like I did a bunch of like circuits. It was like Michigan Championship Wrestling, Virginia Championship Wrestling.
Like there was like a circuit. I forgot what it's even called, but I had to get my wrestler's license and all that.
And, you know, but I've done some like, you know, we did Austin Powers 2. I did some stupid Pauly Shore movie.

We did some sitcoms and stuff.

I'd like to do a lot more,

but I guess either my agents are really lazy

or people don't want me.

You could play the stunt double for Tom Colicchio

if he ever was in an action movie.

You would do all the stunts.

Top chef guy.

Top chef.

You also kind of look like Cal Ripken Jr. Do you ever get that? Oh, my God.
Cal Ripken gets Steve Wilkos. Really? I know that for a fact.
You really? Because we've had him on this show, too. And, like, it's getting fucking with me.
I get it every day of my life. In fact, my son, he's a baseball player.
He went to Cal Ripken's baseball camp. And we get there.
We drove down to Maryland to pick him up because he's down there for 10 days or whatever it was and you know it's not a lot of people in the stadium so we're walking on and all of a sudden there's a line of kids with baseball cards asking me to sign their cards and i go i'm not kel ripkin and then the pitching coach jay with tosic who used to play in the major leaguesagues, he looks at me and goes, hey, Kel's not here today.

Do the kids a favor and just sign Kel Ripken.

Did you sign him?

I'm saying Kel Ripken because they told me to.

I've got two questions then because we weren't allowed to ask these to Kel

when he came on the show.

Did you ever do steroids, Kel?

Did I do steroids?

Yeah.

Oh, am I Kel Ripken?

Yeah, you're Kel Ripken.

Oh, well, then I'm going to answer yes because everybody in Major League Baseball

is doing steroids.

Yeah, okay.

And then the other one is, I mean, Kevin Costner.

The Bob the Wise cast of Costner.

So I heard that story.

You know, so I'm the biggest baseball fan in the world, okay?

So when we were in Chicago, all the baseball players would come to the show before their games and stuff.

And everybody would tell that story, you know, about Kevin Costner. He, like, forgot his wallet, Cal, comes back home, Kevin Costner's, you know.
That would have been a great Jerry Springer episode, by the way. And then, like, they start fighting.
Costner hits him in the head with a lamp, and then they have to cancel that game. And I guess the game was canceled.
Yes, it was. The lights.
The lights. So what really happened, Cal? So, I mean, I've never met Cal.
Like I said, I do guest host on the MLB network, and I see Billy. And how do you ask that question? Right.
It's true. You can't.
But, like, everybody in baseball swears by that story. It's the usually.
It might be a big urban legend. Well, when we have people come in, they tell us, like, you can't ask these questions.
But I don't think we ever would have asked that. You can't ask that question.
People are like, hey, you get cucked by Kevin Costner. But you know what, if you did, that would have been your highest rated show.
Yeah. That's true.
Also, you could do a lot worse than Kevin Costner in terms of, like, somebody cucking you. You almost said Kevin Cuckner.
Kevin Cuckner.

For example, Pauly Shore.

If you got cucked by Pauly Shore, that's an issue.

I mean, the story to me, like, yeah, it sounds great.

It's a great story.

But, like, if you're Kel Ripken's wife, do you really just start, like,

wouldn't you go, like, somewhere else other than your home?

Right.

Like, you know, I'm sure, like like Kel Ripken's not doing household chores.

Right.

You know, she ain't either. Like, you know, they got a housekeeper, all this stuff like like I do.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Come on, man.

Like nobody's having sex in my house unless it's me with my wife.

Hell yeah.

There you go.

There you go.

Steve loves his wife.

Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve.

All right.

I got one last question.

No, mine is Steve.

It's like Jerry, Jerry, Mike, Steve, Steve, Steve. All right, I got one last question.
No, mine is Steve. It's like Jerry, Jerry, Mike, Steve.
Just drawn out. All right, my last question, SeatGeek question.
We're like a white tight end. Put in promo code TAKE, yeah, for the Pittsburgh Steelers.
You get $10 off if you put in promo code TAKE, SeatGeek. Okay, so you have been doing this for a long time.
The adrenaline must be awesome when you're breaking up fights,

when you're talking to people who are about to fight.

Do you ever find yourself, like, what does Steve Wilkos do for hobbies?

And do you ever find yourself when you're sitting in the comforter of your own home, like, man, maybe I'll go out to the bar tonight and just try to break up something.

Like, just want to go get one in the wild.

Well, you know, most of my, I grew up in Chicago, and I hung out with tough guys, and I fought a lot when I was a kid. Then I went into the Marines, which is the whole macho, we're a tough guy thing, and did a lot of fighting in there.
Then I was a police officer and did a lot of fighting on the job and had to break up a lot of fights on the springer. I'm 55 years old, man.
I don't want to tangle with anybody. You know, I like being comfortable.
You don't get the itch every now and then? No, not at all. Really? I mean, I wake up and I haven't done anything and I hurt.
You know what I mean? I've taken a beating over my life, so I have no... You're good having someone else do security for you now.
Well, you know you're getting old and your body's beat up. Like, I play golf and I'm sore afterwards, okay? Right, right.
So that's the stage of life I'm in. So breaking up fights or getting in a fight with anybody, no way.
Okay. Do you have any recommendations for somebody that might be looking to break up a fight? If you're on the sidewalk, you see two bull elephants going after it, what's the best technique to break that fight up?

Always from behind.

Always from behind.

That's how I live my life.

Don't have a step in between.

Always grab it from behind.

And I always, well, see, that's the thing.

Oh, no, chokeholds can't do that anymore.

Right.

But that's the most effective thing in the world.

Right.

You put so many chokeholds, they can't breathe.

They're going to stop fighting really quick.

Put them to sleep.

Yes.

Just quick.

Well, we were choking a guy out backstage on Springer one time. And they had one camera.
Was it just for fun? No, it wasn't for fun. He knocked out his sister-in-law.
And we start choking him and he goes I can't breathe. I go, yeah, that's the whole point.
That's what we're doing here, buddy. We should choke each other out recreationally.
Just put each other to sleep. Yeah, is there any danger in me just choking the cat out? Now, that sounds really creepy.
Yeah, that does. Actually, that one ups the hair thing.
The hair thing, just choking each other out? What do we do? We just choke each other out. Let's choke each other out.
I'm bored. Cut off the circulation of my brain.
All right, well, Steve, this has been awesome. Well, thanks for having me.
Thank you. You're welcome back anytime.
Yeah. So this has been a ton of fun.
Appreciate it, man. That interview with Steve Wilkos was brought to you by ZipRecruiter.
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Okay, let's get to some segments. First up, we have our Fyre Fest of the week.
Hank, go ahead. You struggle every week with this.
What do you have this week, Hank? Try. Try, try, try.

You got this.

I ordered...

Chinese food and they forgot the crab rangoons.

No.

Oh, that would have been good.

I ordered a little dartboard thing from my apartment and I sent it somehow to,

not my last apartment,

but the apartment I first moved into

when I moved to New York.

So two spaces ago.

Yeah.

Somehow, someway.

And then my roommate was kind of awkward

I'm going to go. to not my last apartment but the apartment i first moved into when i moved to new york so two spaces ago yeah somehow some way uh and then my roommate was kind of awkward because my roommate who i haven't talked to like since i moved out was like hey man how are you like i was like what the fuck he's like we should catch up and i was like yeah and he was like by the way you have something here i was like oh fuck i got that my old landlord uh texted me right before your rough and rowdy fight and was like, why did I just get 15 oversized foam cowboy hats? And I was like, whoops.
Just throw them out. I also love that you're moving in with a girl for the first time, and the first thing you do is buy a dartboard.
Yeah. Let's make this a fucking bar.
That's guy's dog. Incorrect.
Shout out to my brother. I think he got it to me for my 20th birthday.
I've had the board forever, and I've just been taking it from apartment to apartment. I finally ordered the casing for it so I can actually use it.
Okay, so it's going to work now? Yeah. Cool.
All right. Once we'll, I have to go to Brooklyn.
Can we come play? God knows when, and then it'll be set up. Yes, when it's set up, you guys.
We should start a league. Yeah.
Yeah. You should get one of those six three-in-one tables, too.
That's got the, like, people that used to have those pool tables that was also like a ping-pong table and air hockey. It was great in theory.
And then you finally get it. And it was, like, the size of just, like, it was, like, four by four.
Yeah. And it wasn't standard size.
It just sucked and took up space. We should do that in the office.
Yeah. Crazy.
We should. All right, PFC, what do you got? My Fyre Fest is when I was up in the Great White North, Canada, I changed a lot of my money over.
I got Canadian dollars, and now I've got like 200 Canadian dollars just sitting in my apartment right now. Loons? Loonies? Well, are they loonies if they're paper? I think they are, yeah.
I got like 200, maybe 300 loonies that I didn't change back and didn't lose enough of in the casino. So now I'm just sitting around.
And I'll never get rid of them because I still have Hong Kong

money. I probably have like $300

worth of Hong Kong money on my nightstand.

But it's cool to pull out every

now and again if I'm like in something about

Mary. If I'm shopping somewhere I'll

accidentally pull out some Hong Kong money.

I'll be like, oh sorry I was just in Hong Kong

protesting for democracy.

You should start an

exchange service. Yeah, so it's

very specific. If you need to change out money, if you're going to Canada or Hong Kong, and you need less than $300, come see me.
He's got you. He's got you hooked up.
All right, my fire fest of the week. I had a long week.
I had some personal stuff, the real stuff, but this is obviously we're not talking about that. So I had the worst thing that happened to me this week i went to j crew to get a couple fall fits uh as white guys do and i got noticed while looking at sweaters and the guy was like big cat looking for sweaters and it just so you're fire fest is you're so popular no it was so i don't know what it is about being like so famous that you can't even.
No, wait, no, Hank, that's not. Hold on, stop, Hank.
His fire fest is that he's so famous that he got shopping for sweaters because he lost so much weight that his old sweaters don't fit. No, no, I don't.
That sucks, man. I didn't have old sweaters.
I was trying to get a couple sweaters to be like kind of a human being. Tropical Bros doesn't do long sleeves.
come on relax those guys are cool uh but yeah no there's something about him i don't know what it is it's embarrassing to shop for clothes to get caught shopping yeah i don't know yeah don't you have the internet whenever i see somebody in a store i look at them i'm like look who has dial-up yeah loser like oh look at this guy he's trying to fit into that no way is that. That's, I don't know.
Maybe I'm way off. But you don't do that to other guys.
Oh, no, I judge. Oh, really? Of course I do.
When I see other people shopping, I'm like, you think you're going to look good in that? Honestly, like, I don't know how clothing stores stay in business. Because when was the last time you guys shopped in one? Besides that.
Besides that. Wednesday.
I don't think I've shopped in a clothing store in probably two years you have to remember that's not relatable as well because we get all of our clothes sent to us for free I just wear sweatpants I forgot this is the least relatable fire fest all around my bad I just was embarrassed I was like why am I embarrassed but i think that's just a general thing no i didn't because i got a dude he fucking outfitted me out of there i ran with my tail between my legs didn't get anything cat shopping for sweaters yeah i mean that's it just was like oh fuck man because i don't know it's like when you show up with something new everyone's like oh is that new it's like yeah that is that's's the real thing is like showing up to the to work wearing something new then you have to have that conversation with everybody i think that's the root of it because i when you get something new you kind of want to work it in subtly so if someone sees you at the source of the new clothes they're like oh what you're getting new clothes here's what you do you get the sweater and then you put it on underneath like a coat. Yeah.
First day. Yep.
And then you wear a vest the second day over it. And then by the third day, you just go full sweater.
Nobody knows. Yes.
Or you wear it once not to work. And then when someone says that new, you'd be like, no, I've worn it.
Yeah. I've worn this before.
You've never seen me. You didn't see my post on Instagram.
All right. We have a manalytics for Kevin Durant.
So Kevin Durant got into an argument online. Stop me if you heard this before.
Okay. About shot charts and what's a good shot.
Is that really what happened? That's pretty much what happened, right? Yeah. So he essentially landed on like, I'm going to take the shots I want to take, and it's Manalytics.
Is that how he ended up? I think he was saying a good shot is a good shot i agree with that i agree with that too so i stand with kevin durant so he so he stuffed these nerds because it is it's one of those weird things where we've gotten so smart as fans uh that's sometimes you catch yourself like you see people arguing with the guys who actually go do it and it it's like, well, I could tell you exactly how to play basketball. And Kevin Durant's like, I've been playing basketball every day for my entire life.
I do agree with him, though, that shot charts, not for me. I need my charts.
I think you'll probably agree. I need my charts to be either in pie form or bar graph.
Yes. Because as we go, as a drug guy and as a food guy, we like all our charts to be related to either a unit of food or a level of Xanax.
Yes. Bars.
Bars and pies. Bars and pies.
So I'm reading it now. So Kevin Durant's main point is that he says, I see dudes passing up open shots in the mid-range, like wide open to force passes to the three-point line or force up bad finishes at the rim, which is true.
People, Daryl Morey has ruined U.S.'s relationship with China and basketball. That sucks for Daryl Morey.
There's like the two things, as general manager of the Houston Rockets, those are the two things that you can't screw up. You can't screw up, but there are guys who just pass up mid-range shots because they're like, ooh, it doesn't fit the model.
And Durant is right. Guess what's a good shot? An open shot.
You know who I blame for this? Is announcers. I blame announcers because for the last 15 years, we've heard every single NCAA play-by-play guy or color guy saying, you never want to take a long two.
And so it so it's always in my head. If you take a long two, you're an idiot.
So Bill Raftery, you screwed it for everyone. That's why I don't take him.
But good job. Credit to Kevin Durant, who hopefully will someday be on the podcast.
Hank didn't get him on the podcast, but credit to him. That should have been your fire fest, Hank.
Yeah, that should have. Well, we talked about it on Monday, but credit to Kevin Durant.
He had this entire argument on his own twitter account that's progress huge progress that we know of that we know we actually don't know what the replies were good point uh all right uh next up before we get to faqs special edition of faqs we have mike greenberg's dumb rules pft yeah i was just thinking this earlier so we were talking about giving and taking pinstripes because the yankees are about to play tonight and Big Cat's got a uniform all shredded up ready to go yep but I think that the pinstripe has become too prominent in baseball like nine teams wear pinstripes and it sucks it should either be if you beat the Yankees in the playoffs you should get pinstripes the next you should take their pinstripes from them yep or Or just only the team that wins the World Series gets pinstripes for the entire next year. So you have to beat the man to be the man.
I like it. And get the stripes.
That's part of winning a championship is you get to wear the pinstripes. Yeah.
Haven't they been pinstripes forever, though? Or was it just the Yankees until a certain year? I wouldn't know the actual, like, how uniforms, everyone's uniforms. I think they were clean until they got taken over by the mob.
And then the mob was like, we need to make you guys look nice. Yeah, we got to put you in a nice suit, fell off the back of the truck.
Yeah. That kind of thing.
But, I mean, it's true. There's a lot of teams in the Cubs who wear their home uniforms have pinstripes.
The Brewers, the Phillies have them. Yeah.
The White Sox, right? Yeah.? Yeah. Yeah, so there's a shitload of teams.
The Mets? Yep. There should only be one team with pinstripes.
The Phillies? Yeah, I think you said the Phillies. Yeah, there's a lot of pinstripes out there.
Too many pinstripes. They don't mean anything anymore.
The Rockies? The Rockies have fucking pinstripes. The Diamondbacks have a pinstripe.
Jesus Christ. That means nothing anymore.
There should be one team with pinstripes. Alright, let's finish up.
We have FAQ's special Barstool Van Talk edition. Two year.
So we thought we would do this. Last year we did a live show.
This year, if you don't know, we had an ESPN show for one day. It got cancelled.
But we thought we'd go down memory lane. We do it every year.
This is going to be like... It was like three weeks old.
It had a three week life. It got announced.
This is going to be like well it's going to be like it was like it was like three weeks old and a three-week life well it got announced this is going to be like our merch and morris thing though like every you know when the last team undefeated team loses they pop champagne every year on october 17th we're going to text each other's and be like remember that time we had a show for one day i've just resolved to not think about it unless it's on october 17th well that's what it is it's the timeline like people it's like you get added on all these tweets of like oh this is amazing it's like oh fuck yeah yeah time hop fucked us yeah i probably wouldn't remember this year if people didn't have time hop on their facebook correct um so yeah we're gonna get a little serious you guys have any you guys you guys want to start with any thoughts you've had today in the two years of the past none feels like forever i had a I had a thought. Yeah, I had a thought earlier.
It does feel like a long time. And I was thinking about how cool it was getting to say that we had a show on ESPN.
That was actually the best part about having the show was the two-week buildup to the show where I got to tell everybody in my life, hey, I have a show on ESPN. And then just never mention it again to them.
Yep. I remember.
Yeah, no, it's very true because it was like that period of just thinking, oh, shit, we

did this.

We're about to do this.

I remember the day after it aired on that Wednesday.

I remember leaving my house and being like, we got a fucking show.

This is cool.

Yeah, this is fucking cool.

Sup, guys.

We always knew BVT was going to get kicked off the air somehow. How did you guys imagine it getting canceled? Nudity? Good question.
Nudity is a good one, although they were pretty sure we tried. We tried nudity on the first episode.
We did, yeah. With Peter Norris' cock.
We did try that. My balls made an appearance through the sweatpants in the first episode.
They had to be blurred out. There was...
You know what? So, I was talking about this earlier today. I actually think that if we didn't do...
If we didn't get canceled, I don't think that the Caps would have won the Stanley Cup that year. Oh.
Because I definitely wouldn't have been able to eat shit on the ESPN airwaves. True.
And that's the whole reason they won. That is true.
That's a i think we would have gotten canceled i don't know probably exactly how it went down just eventually someone would have bitched and been like these guys can't be on espn and then boom would probably if we're being honest it was a lot of work to do that one show and if we had done that for two months after the fact we would have gotten very very lazy doing that show right and they probably just would have been like okay this show is not very good anymore right canceled us we would have been like hey can we get maybe a writer or like another camera person because there were some details in that show that were kind of set up to fail because they basically gave us a shoestring budget like we here's Here's one of the questions. What's up, PMT boys?

How much money per episode did you make for BVT?

Good question.

Have any of you ever done the math

on how much you would have made with BVT plus

the 75K you make per episode?

Oh, 75K.

Because we got paid a total salary of $0 for the show.

But it was also like...

So the budget was always set up

to essentially never succeed.

It was essentially like... ESPN was like, okay, we'll give you this much money.
It's not even close to what a real show needs. But if you can make it work, then we'll see what we have.
So I would guess every show, no matter what time it's on ESPN, has quadrupled the budget. We were at the point where we couldn't even film.
If we were like, hey, we have a good idea, we couldn't film it. We couldn't have the sound people and stuff.
We had them for 24 hours for one day a week. That's it.
And we had to keep that scheduled, so we couldn't just use those hours anywhere we wanted. So I think it was like Monday mornings, we could film for like six hours, and then like Monday evening through Tuesday afternoon, we could film.
It was crazy. It was crazy crazy we had no edit like it was just crazy it was it was never gonna it was gonna always be just a really really hard thing to do what's up boys was there ever a night after bvt got canceled that you guys just got shit-faced yeah the first night that first night first night got hammered really drunk really high yeah that was when i got lost in the call of duty commercial yeah you thought you were playing i thought i i thought i was watching a movie about call of duty because the commercial was like two minutes long and i was so high i just couldn't figure out if i didn't know where i was i was like this commercial still going on did i change the channel and i got lost in it i ended up getting hammered that night traveling to this one restaurant in the city that i knew had the best fries.
It was like way too far away ending up there and then getting into an argument with somebody because he was Sean Avery's business partner and I called him a goon and you had it you and you were you were driving in the bike lane. I was not driving the bike lane.
I was not driving the bike. I remember the next morning.
I felt like I felt like I was in something. I woke up and my roommate had whiskey and I got a glass and was like, fuck it.

And PFT said this before, but it deserves to be repeated.

The worst part is not getting your TV show canceled.

It's having everyone text you.

Yeah.

All the condolences.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm aware.

Fuck.

Fuck.

We should actually start an app service for that. Where it just receives all your bad news texts.
It receives all your bad news texts and just auto replies. Thanks so much.
So yeah, what it does, it's like it's AI technology. So it scans your text coming in.
And if it says, hey, I'm so sorry to hear about. And it identifies those words.
You respond to the first one. And then all the other ones get that same response from you immediately.
Write that down. And then we also sell all that text scanning technology to China.
Mm-hmm. Yep.
And we also could, if it's like a death, we can figure out the person's name and social security number and then have them vote for whatever politician we want in the next election. And steal their account, their bank account.
And sign up. Delete all this.

Sign up with them for bookies and stuff.

And be like, well, we vouch for them.

They won't be dead.

They're taking our debt on.

Have any of you ever met John Skipper in person?

Yeah!

Yes.

We did.

We sat in his beautiful office that was bigger than anyone's apartment in New York City.

Bigger than heaven.

It was.

Wood.

A lot of wood. There were three offices.
So you step out off the elevator. He has a private elevator, and then there's a pre-pre-office where there's a security guard who takes you into the pre-office where there's a secretary who then allows you into the office.
Which is the cocaine room. Where there's yet another secretary rushedly putting away silver trays, and then she lets you into Skipper's office.
And he's very, very excited and a lot of energy. A lot of mirrors.
Ready to sit down and talk to you. On the floor.
And he talked to us for like an hour and a half. When? So this was the day after or two days after the episode aired.
And in retrospect, he's very clearly trying to offer us a job at ESPN.

Correct.

He was trying to feel it out to see if he could buy us away from Barstool.

Yeah.

It ended up being about an hour and a half conversation

that culminated in him saying, it was a great show.

I love you guys.

I've got your back.

Yeah.

All that stuff is water under the bridge.

You'll be fine moving forward.

Shook our hands. It was a great meeting.
See you later. He's like, hey, you want a little eight ball for the road? No, thanks.
We're good. I accepted that.
Yeah, you did. Yeah.
No, but yeah, he definitely said to us, I just want to know whose back I have. Like, I want to meet you guys so that when I go to bat for you, I can connect you with, you know, a face to a name kind of thing.
Apparently, our faces aren't very good. No.
Because when he had to go to bat for us, he just dropped the bat and ran away. Two more.
Yeah, Hank, you got this. Can we get a behind the music on Vanny? Where did he come from? Where is he at now?

Etc.

He's still alive and I get just a shitload of tickets for him.

Oh, I thought you sold it to Billy.

I couldn't find the title.

I got to find it.

It's in...

Well, Big Cat found it on Craigslist.

We had to pay for it ourselves.

Yep.

It's like $600.

Yep.

Something like that.

$900.

$900.

All right, we'll do a...

You know what?

Let's just save it for the show.

The Behind the Music on Vanny.

Thank you. Yes.
How crazy would that be if we got into a low-speed chase with it and have a bunch of cops follow you.

How crazy would that be if we got into a televised police chase on the news

and people tuned in and it was Vanny

Woodhead just driving down

95. One dream I

always had to do with one of my friend's cars when he was getting rid of it

was to buy it.

It was a total car and we were going to buy it from him

for like 300 bucks and just

chainsaw off the roof. So it would just be a convertible.
Vanny convertible. It was a total car, and we were going to buy it from him for like $300 and just chainsaw off the roof.
So it would just be a convertible. Nice.
Yep. I like it.
It was a Vanny convertible. It was totaled? No.
He was like, I'm getting rid of it for like $500. Oh, okay.
Sell it to us. We'll do that.
We'll buy it. And he's like, no, no, no.
How about someone who... And then we're going to light it on fire and drive it off.
Yeah. How about someone who's listening who works on cars? Maybe just redo the whole thing for free, and we'll...
You know what? If you are working auto body shop and you want to redo Vanny, we will make the behind the Vanny and we'll only show it to you. It'll be like the Wu-Tang album that Martin Shkreli has.
Shkreli's got it. So exhibit if you're listening, especially you.
Last one. Did BBT have any more guests lined up after Dan Patrick? We had some theoretical guests, so nobody that was booked yet.
I think Rachel might have been our third guest. John Gruden was on there, was on the list, because he was still working for Monday Night Football.
But that's about it, I think. Yeah, no, we didn't get that far.
Death. We were going to have death in the van.
That was also a part of the budget that kind of hurt the fact that they were like, you got a show and you have to book it yourself. Yeah.
And that's what we did. We booked it ourselves.
In retrospect, accepting to do a television show for zero dollars was probably not our most astute business. You know what? I'm going to read the big short again.
There you go. This is a lesson.
Live and learn on that one. Yes.
If you're ever asked to do a television show and not get paid for it, say, uh, sure, and

then get it canceled after one episode.

Take the cocaine, not the money.

Love you guys.

Talking away.

I don't know what to say.

I'd say it anyway.

Today's another day to find you.

Shining away.

I'll be coming for your love again take on me take on me take me take on me take on me take on me take on me take on me so I need less to say so I won't set it but I need some Let him wake me up Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Take me on me Take on me Take me off.