NFL Week 6, Fastest 2 Minutes, Mariota + Jameis, Plus A Restaurant For Magicians

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, football, week six, recap of every single game. We have fastest two minutes.
We also are going to talk a little college football, a wild weekend, bad weekend to be a Georgia sports fan. Even though we talked about that on Friday, things got somehow worse for you this weekend.
We also have some playoff baseball, who's back, and a very, very bizarre Monday reading. We're going to get right back to the show.
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Boy!

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Now in the street there is violence. And I lot of stuff Work to be done No place to hang No washing And then I can't Live all on the sun Oh no We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher.
Oh, we're gonna rock. Down to Electric Avenue.
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Today is Monday, October 14th, almost tax day, but we have week six. we start in kansas city where the battle of the 2017 first rounders set the stage for a thrilling game.
It was a supporting cast that took center stage when Carlos Hide Your Kids, Hide Your Wife rumbled and bumbled and what? His weight 116 yards and a score and Tyrico Bosco Hill scored twice as much as Toledo did on Saturday. Deshante Watson was always on time with his receivers as the Clemson quarterback Ja Rule this matchup, and the Texans are on fire fast, while the Chiefs are left willing to suck a dick for a healthy offensive lineman.
Texans 31, Chiefs 24. What? Out in Denver, Colorado, where Marcus, there's something about Mariota, had Mike Vrabel give him an earful, and suave Joe Flacco looked great by comparison.
What is that hair gel boom? He got that nut, Teej. The Titans hope Ryan Black and Tannehill will be the stout cure for one Ailsom as he tries to take that all-important next step without spraining his MCL.
Falk Lindsey Vong got downhill in a hurry for Denver as Vic Fangio's defense was tougher to pass on than his own kidney stone. Broncos 6-8 Titans 0.
In Minnesota where Stefan Diggs was loving Cousins like he was born in the state of Alabama and Stefan Can You Diggs It had Kirk Cousins white boy dancing like Mark Madsen in a Lakers championship parade. And Stefan Urkel

Diggs asked, did I do that?

When he magically turned kick

Kirk Cousins into a competent quarterback.

And finally, Stefan

Diggs says, Minneapolis's hottest

new club is Kurt's. A rave

EDM where a DJ draped in a wet

blanket serves steaks on tinfoil

as the subwoofer's blast. You like that?

On repeat. And the hostesses will come

directly to your table to roast your lame

Twitter account. Vikings 30

Thank you. blanket serves steaks on tinfoil as the subwoofers blast.
You like that? On repeat, and the hostesses will come directly to your table to roast your lame Twitter account. Vikings 38, Eagles 20.
We go way out west where the battle of the chill Cali bros Kyle and Sean took us to the Los Angeles Sadu Stadium in an old school NFC West showdown. The 49ers are ferried up full of diners, drive-ins, and halfback dives as Matt Wonder, Brenna, and backup Raheem Dijon, Mostard were not hot-dogging it.
George Grinnell delivered pancakes playing exceptionally well while Jimmy G was scrambling, and this one was over easy. The Rams offense looks to have a bad case of broncoitis, dealing with congestion and a serious goth.
Made worse by the chain-smoking Niners who said, Gurley's a cat poser, tell Sean McVay to bend over. Better watcha for Nick Posa, we believe in Robbie Golder.
49ers 20, Rams 7! 160 pilot whales and dolphins slaughtered in the Faroe Islands. This time of year, along the bays of the Faroe Islands, the water runs red.
The annual Whale and Dolphin Hunt takes place between June and September, in a tradition that's been going on since the 16th century, possibly even earlier. Redskin 17, Dolphin 16.
Down to Florida, where Ted Kennedy Bridge over troubled water has kept this upside-down Saints season afloat.

Minshew mania has swept the country,

but on Sunday it was more like Gardner Minpoo

as the Jaguars quarterback lived up to his name as the deuce in his family tree.

Jared Oogie Cook carried the entire Saints offensive load

as he was the only one to score,

and Michael Thomas, the tank engine, ran train on the Jaguars' defense. And the Saints go marching in Duval.
Saints 13, Jaguars 6. What? What? What? We go out to the desert as Kyler, rock you like a Murray cane, said, Here I am! And threw for 27 completions, several of which traveled over three yards down field.
Michelangelo's David Johnson was statuesque, and like his five-foot-ten quarterback, a grower, not a shower. Dan, all I do is quit, quit, quit, no matter what, send this field goal team out to tie the game with a gimme extra point, and everybody in the Red Sea's hands win up, And they stayed there.
Except for the referees.

Their hands were making the no good sign.

Our thoughts and prayers are with Matt Criott at this time.

At least you aren't in danger of losing any playoff games this year.

Cardinals 34, Falcons 33.

In New York, where Jerry Jones celebrated his birthday with a glory hole.

Only this glory hole had Greg Williams on the other side with a million dollar bounty on Jerry's Dak and Balls. The New York spleen machine was back in action connecting with Rob Kardashian Anderson on a fat 92 yard touchdown making the Dallas defense look like the black sheep of the Jones family.
The only thing to die this Sunday was the Cowboys playoff hopes as the Jets get on the win board 24 Cowboys 22 Cincinnati is back as we go to the Queen City where the Bengals had by far their most impressive loss of the season against the Baltimore Rabbits Andy Kaufman Dalton has been doing a bit all along showing up to games in character as trick doffer and waiting for someone anyone to notice, are you going to Harbor O'Fair? Packed all his spices as the ginger menace ran out of time. Lamar Jackson also rises, had his hemming way with a Bengals secondary, and was deadly from the shotgun formation.
Offensive coordinator Greg Roman Swipes has lasted forever in the NFL and turned the goal line offense to Mark Isidin,gram yet? Maybe just a tip just to see how it feels. And it feels like a touchdown.
Baltimore 23, Cincinnati 17. Standing on a corner, Jameis Winston, Tampa, Florida.
Such a fine sight to see. It's a pick, my lord, and here you go for more.
Get the brexit without I-N-T. Holy shit, dude.
So many picks through. James with old James.
The Bucs are real screwed. Panthers 37, Bucs 26.
All right. Week six, almost in the books.
We are watching. We're taping this live as Duck has taken the country by storm.
The Steelers are in San Diego. They should be in San Diego beating the Chargers.
Looks like they're going to outright win. And, uh, we have a recap of all of weeks.
Week six PFT is in an undisclosed, uh, location. Maybe his childhood bedroom in Vancouver.
I don't know what's going on there. Did I grow up in Canada? No, this is actually one of, uh, biz nasties, nice recommendations.
He's given us so many great tips, a place to go. And one of them was a house that just has, uh, cars plastered all over the kids' bedrooms that I'm staying in.
So, no, I'm up in Vancouver right now. It's Canadian Thanksgiving.
So, happy Thanksgiving to you guys. Eat some turkey.
They don't have any corticopias on the TV score bugs, though, for the NFL game. So, that's very disappointing.
Yeah, that is disappointing. All right, let's get into week six.
We're going to recap every game and we'll start with the London game. And, uh, well, let's start here.
The 2015 quarterback class had a very bad day. We'll get to Marcus Mariota later, but this was in my mind, the quintessential Jameis Winston performance.
He is the funnest, funniest quarterback I have ever watched in my entire life when it comes to physical comedy. His body makes no sense.
He flails everywhere. He had five interceptions, fumbled on back-to-back plays, lost one of them.
He started the game first play pick, ended the game last play pick. I love Jameis so much.
I can't wait for him to be a backup quarterback, but it's over in Tampa for him. I agree.
Yeah, I think he's unsalvageable, and you're right. He is very, very funny.
There are times when he gets in the pocket, and he just, he forgets that he's playing football. He just, like, he'll scramble out, he'll elude somebody that's trying to sack him, and they'll just, like, stand still and then start backing up, like he's doing the electric slide in the pocket directly into a defensive end he's very very funny to watch I think that Jameis needs glasses I think that's what the issue is here there was a story back in 2013 when he was at Florida State that he should wear contact lenses which is why he squints I saw you tweet out the picture of him squinting like he's looking into the sun but he doesn't like wearing contact lenses.
I think it's time for Jameis just to wear, just bite the bullet. Just give it a shot, man.
That's even funnier, the fact that he doesn't like wearing contact lenses, but he needs them and therefore just throws it to the wrong team. I'm so, so excited, though, PFT, for Jameis the backup, because Jameis the backup, just seeing him on the sideline is going to be great and i hope he goes to like a funny team i hope he has a funny jersey but like could you imagine if jamis is is russ wilson's backup in seattle or something ridiculous like that and you know that he'll get in at some point at some point in the rest of his career he'll get to play a little football and he'll do a thing where he'll be good for a quarter or two and everyone will say well that's why this guy was the first pick in the draft and then he'll revert back to Jameis Winston like he did this season like he did this game and all the physical comedy will come out and I saw the press conference after Bruce Arians is just a disappointed frustrated stepfather he's like I don't I don't know what to do we We talked about it.
Maybe just throw it away. But Jameis can't.
He thinks that no matter how much pressure, no matter how many people are flailing at the ball, no matter how small his hands are, he can solve any bad situation he's put himself in. That's not an Uber joke or a Publix joke.
But he never can solve it because he always just throws an interception yeah that's that's his solution that's the cause of and solution to all of life's problems as homer simpson would put it and he is he's so funny he i think james could be tricked by most things that wiley coyote gets tricked by so like if a defense just like painted a tunnel on a wall i'm pretty sure that would just, like, try to sprint through it to go back to the locker room. It's funny.
I think that they're probably – they don't have a better option at quarterback. So, even though he's done in the long term in Tampa and he'll probably go to Chicago next year, which will be fun.
He's still going to – we're going to get to see him play for the rest of the season, I think. Yeah, Jameis definitely strikes me as a guy, like, if you just put a ball on in the middle of the street he'll go grab it and then a big piano will fall on his head and he'll and he won't die he'll just look like an accordion like his body will just be an accordion going back and forth up and down um all right we should talk about the Panthers though because they were awesome and Kyle Allen is Kyler Allen Kyler Allen is oh as a starter.
He's has yet to throw an interception. He is also I've been tracking this.
My favorite thing the coaches do whenever there is an imminent. You can smell the whiff of a quarterback controversy.
What the what the coaches have to do in the language they have to use to try to dispel that even though Kyle Allen has played so well that it's legitimate to say this team he hasn't lost so Ron Rivera said uh our QB that is playing for us is Kyle that's a fact that's fact stick to the facts that's that's all you can do if you're a coach in that situation, you just have to name facts. Like we played today in London, and Kyle was our quarterback today, and he'll continue to be our quarterback as long as he is our quarterback.
But they kind of have to have a come-to-Jesus moment pretty soon here. It's like when Cam gets back, he is – who knows if it – like how much is his physical health right now, how much is is mental if he's still going to be the guy in Carolina next year.
It's kind of a similar situation to what's going on in New Orleans right now where Teddy has played really well while Drew's been out hurt. The only difference being, like, Drew was still playing well before he got injured.
But do you ride the hot hand? And if so, like, how long? I think if you're still, like, if you're in playoff contention, that's how you can cover your ass as a head coach just say like as long as we're in playoff contention we're going to keep our guy in there well and we're not saying that kyle allen's a better quarterback than cam newton because he's not but the problem is cam newton hasn't been 100 healthy in what feels like forever and if he comes back will he be 100 healthy or will he be like oh he's 100 healthy but it's clear that there's still still a shoulder issue because if that's the case then Kyle Allen may be a better quarterback than him the other thing from this game and I don't know if you've seen this on Twitter PFT but we have a nickname for Christian McCaffrey and it's the greatest nickname of all time I didn't see it I was I was dozing in and out of this game because out here on the west coast it started at like six o o'clock in the morning. It was tough.
It was really tough for me. Okay.
So the nickname is, and I don't know who created it. So credit to whoever that is.
We're not saying that we created this, but the nickname is dairy Sanders. Dairy as in D a R Y as in D a I R Y Sanders as in the milk.
I like it. Yes.
I like it. That's really good.
Yes. That's perfect.
I saw his stat line, though. He had 22 carries for 31 yards.
That's a long day. Well, and the Bucs' defense is their run defense is actually one of the best in the NFL.
So credit to them. But Jameis, basically, it's hard in a game when there's 22 guys on the field to say someone single-handedly lost you the game, but Jameis 100% single-handedly lost them the game today.
Yes, without a doubt. Well, he used both hands.
He fumbled out of both hands. Yeah, well, two of Jameis' hands equals one regular grown man's hand.
Correct. Yeah.
How about this? That's a good nickname for Christian McCaffrey. What about for Jameis winston jamis squinston jamis squinston that works that works he needs to get okay i would like to see him wear rec specs could you imagine the physical comedy with that it would be perfect yeah i oh my god that would be amazing looking like horace grant like a fat horace grant yes exactly like jamis at this point is if you're going to be as bad as jamis and we all know it's bad, it's been enough years to know Jameis isn't like,

as Stephen Shea, Bucs fan says, a confetti quarterback,

a quarterback you can close your eyes and see confetti coming down on his head.

That's a real thing. Shout out to Stephen Shea.

No one says that.

Stephen Shea says that.

But if you can't, Jameis Winston is not a confetti quarterback,

so because he's not a confetti quarterback,

he might as well just become the funniest quarterback we've ever had. And I hope that happens.
All right. Next up, we have Seahawks Browns.
What, what do you think it was like to be a Browns fan in that first quarter when they were up 20 to six and everything was rolling and the season was saved because the drunkest Browns fans, and there were a lot of drunk Browns fans, I think one got ejected because he threw something on the field and it hit a security guard in the face, making him bleed. But that must have, that I think the first quarter of this game when they're up 20-6 was probably the pinnacle of the Browns in the last 15 years.
Yeah if you're a Browns fan at the start of this game and you just get hammered there's good news and a couple of you guys on Cleveland are going to wake up tomorrow not knowing that you lost because the last memory that you have is just like beating the shit out of the Seahawks then you black out get escorted out of the game on on Swagger's last day no less leading the team out of the out of there. So, yeah, there are going to be several people that just don't know what happened in the other three quarters with Freddie Kitchens leading the league and just looking perplexed all the time and calling bizarre play calls on fourth and goal, third and goal, second and goal.
It's a weird situation with Freddie, and I think that he is ultimately the root of all the problems that are going on out there in Cleveland. Yeah, it's name a less iconic duo, Freddie Kitchens and red zone offense.
Every single time they get down into the red zone, it feels like he becomes an Atlanta Falcon out of nowhere. They even had that sequence where he challenged a touchdown, which probably should have been a touchdown, the very last second while uh they were running while they while chubb was running for a touchdown so he basically cucked his own team out of a touchdown then after the play was stopped and they were in they lost the challenge he then ran the exact same play that the seahawks were then ready for and it was like what the fuck are you doing you doing, Freddie Kitchens? And that seems to be like the Freddie Kitchens doesn't know how.
It seems like he's in over his head almost every single week. And Baker obviously hasn't been good.
He got hurt today. He has 11 interceptions in six weeks.
He has not been good. As we said last Tuesday, we as Baker guys are the first to say that Baker points the finger at him had himself and knows he's got to get better so we'll just say that again but yeah the Browns I feel bad for Browns fans because man it's just it's just hard to watch them get so excited and be up in the first quarter and have everyone rocking and then have Russell Wilson just do what Russell Wilson does and that's just be one of the best quarterbacks in the league and rip people's guts out.
I do want to say the end zones looked awesome in Cleveland today. I'm a big fan of the paint shop that they have going there and the neon browns were definitely popping but Freddie Kitchens like when he's he is very committed to holding that play sheet over his lips so that nobody can possibly steal his play calls, as if anybody out there is trying to steal Freddie Kitchens' play calls from him.
What's he going to do? Probably run the ball four more times for the two-yard line. Actually, you know what? He was probably just trolling Pete Carroll, being like, hey, man, it's possible to run the ball from the two if you want to, if you want to score a touchdown.
Maybe he's just advanced. He's making advanced jokes that nobody else gets.
But just look at him. He's got the body type of a ghost from Pac-Man.
He doesn't inspire any confidence at all as a fan watching him being like, that guy has his shit together. Right.
That guy is going to put us in a good spot and a chance to win this game. The Seahawks, though, are awesome.
The Seahawks are very, very good. It feels like they're rounding into form.
Their run game is awesome. I don't know.
I mean, the NFC West, we'll get to the Rams 49ers, but it's going to be a fun race to watch the Seahawks in what seems like the 49ers now, which I will eat a lot of crow when we get to that game. But the Seahawks with Russ Wilson, and I know we're going to do the whole narrative again, like does Russell Wilson get enough credit? Yes, he does.
He's one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL. He's a top five, top three, however you want to rank him.
He is one of the best quarterbacks. And if you give him even like a little bit of daylight, he will come back on your team and he will rip your guts out, like I said.
Yeah, and also shout Wilson the team really turned a corner I think when they brought him on uh and now I think Will Disley he got injured today unfortunately but I think Luke's going to be stepping up over there so we have we have that to look forward to the Seahawks move forward and there is something very cool about Seahawks 49ers games at night under the lights I hope that we get one of those this year I don't know what the schedule maker has done or if they're going to be able to flex that into a Sunday night game. But I love it when those two teams are good.
It's great to have a West Coast rivalry. Next up, speaking of the game that you just said, Hank, Texans Chiefs, I am ready to say the Houston Texans are for real.
They're for real. Okay, yep.
That's it. I don't know how you can make the argument that they're not.
I wanted to see them win some games that on the road, tough games. Like Deshaun Watson threw a couple picks, but he made a bunch of plays with his feet.
And the offensive line protected him. And the Texans defense made enough plays.
And I just, those are the type of games. Like when the Texans look good, they look great.
And I, it just feels like a mirage in years past because they've had these spurts where they've looked really, really good, but then they'll play a tough game and they don't have that. I don't know what it is.
They're not like a tough team. This, this this road win in Arrowhead and you can say a lot about Patrick Mahomes offensive line right now but this I am officially saying I respect the Houston Texans and I think they are very good you've earned big cash respect there it is huge uh that's like that's the football equivalent of pinstripes he just gave you so uh I think what we saw is the the is out there of Patrick Mahomes, and the best way to have Patrick Mahomes not beat you is to keep him off the field.
It's pretty easy math. I'm going to walk you through it real quick.
So they held the Chiefs to 20 minutes of possession total in this game, which is crazy, which you would think would be an asset for Andy Reid having less clock to mismanage. But Patrick Mahomes' best asset is scoring, and it's tough to score when he's not playing.
So the blueprints out there on Patrick Mahomes, just get the ball out of his hands, and you can beat the shit out of him. That and I would say a big key to beating Patrick Mahomes is making sure that his very good left tackle is not playing and his offensive line is beat, and he's running for his life.
And I'll say it for Chiefs fans, I think the refs didn't do a great job. Now, I'm here to tell you that Travis Kelsey should stop wearing yellow gloves because it makes everything very, very confusing.
But I will also acknowledge the refs missed a few things however the Chiefs have a lot to get like the Chiefs are now the Texans to me they're the soft team that you can run on them the I mean two weeks in a row now they've gotten just absolutely gashed in the run game and Patrick Mahomes as good as he is is taking a slight step back from last. He's not out of this world 50 touchdowns good, which I think we all kind of expected.
He's still probably the best quarterback in the league right now. But if he's not out of this world good and their defense is still pretty bad, it's going to be tough to win as many games.
It's just a simple kind of math equation here Tyreek Hill coming back was awesome for him but they they're yeah I said it I'm gonna say it again I did I say it last week that the s s word I'll say it they're soft soft yeah they're soft I that's that's the worst yeah yeah yeah they're soft their defense is soft so it's a torch update you're saying that the Chiefs are the new Texans yeah which makes sense because they have already picked up the mantle of losing to the Patriots in the playoffs. So I think they're like halfway there already.
The Chiefs get to play the Broncos next weekend, though, in the altitude outdoors. So we do have to ask, did roofs break Patrick Mahomes? Because he hasn't played well since seeing a roof for the first time.
He's an outdoor cat, he went indoors and now his whole world screwed up. Do you want to hear the most Bill O'Brien motivational tactic of all time? Yes.
All right, so leading into this week, you know, a lot of coaches play music at practice on big speakers. Bill O'Brien was playing Rocky theme song.
Rocky theme songs all week. He's playing Eye of the Tiger and you know, the da da da da da da, like all that stuff, which is the ultimate like dad football coach move because I doubt Bill O'Brien realizes this, but the Rocky, the first Rocky movie came out closer to the signing of the Franklin Delano Roosevelt new deal than it did to today's game.
That's how old that movie is. And none of his players know anything about it, except for the new movies.
But yeah, I guess Bill O'Brien, it worked. Did you steal that time tweet from Revell? Because that sounded like it was a Revell tweet.
No, that was right from the top of my head. There we go.
Who doesn't remember the FDR New Deal? What was the old deal? The old deal was shit sucks. Yeah, the old deal was you're fucked.
We're in a Great Depression. But if Darren Ravelle had done it, he would have told me the modern-day value of FDR's wheelchair.
Yeah, the old deal was eat dust for dinner, and you'll like it. Okay, so yeah, I'm saying it.
The Chiefs are my soft team. Look, I'm not saying the offense is soft the offense is still incredible their defense has been gashed and they get gashed whenever a team plays physical football and wants to run the ball they can do it so i'm sorry until they fix that they're soft it sounds like you're saying that they're candy asses that's what it sounds like to me like are they a candy ass football team no No, they're not candy ass.
They're just soft. Andy Reid would love that.
When you can just go into a team's home environment, which is intimidating and Arrowhead and Chiefs fans are diehards and awesome, but when you can go in there and run the ball like the Colts did and like the Texans did, you get the soft tag for me. Sorry.
Sorry, not sorry. PFT.
Yes. Next up, we have the two-a-bowl.
The two-a-bowl. Redskins-Dolphins.
This game, now we're going to say something nice about the Dolphins, but I just want to point out, I don't know if you had red zone where you were but this game it took 35 real time minutes real time minutes for them to show this game on red zone that's how bad the game was now it got good late because Ryan Fitzpatrick came in but I will say this nice say something nice about the Dolphins I'm pretty sure that Kenyon uh dropped the ball on purpose in the two-point conversion to make sure they lost that game so that they can continue to tank for tua uh i'll say this they did a great great job of pretending not to tank by going for two but then slipping in the worst play call of all time so it was actually like a masterful job of tanking done by them. Also, shout out to Sean Downey because I did get Red Zone up here on like Canadian version of ESPN or Canadian version of whatever the service is.
I think it's like DAZN or whatever, the place that Sean is at right now. But yeah, so I was able to watch all the games.
I had that same tweet ready to go out when I saw what time it was that they broke in and then I refreshed Twitter. I like oh big catches did it that would have been very embarrassing for me uh to do that but yeah it was it was not as bad as I thought it would be once Ryan Fitzpatrick got in and I think Fitzmagic is back a little he's probably going to get him to win a couple games well it's classic Dolphins they don't know what they're doing with their quarterback where it's like they're tanking but they're not tanking but they want to see if Josh Rosen has something but they also then pull him he gets sacked a million times Ryan Fitzpatrick comes in almost wins them the game which would screw up the tank Josh Rosen did have a Josh Rosen stat line he was 15 for 25 85 yards and two interceptions I don't know how you throw I don't know how you get 15 completions for 85 yards but he did it another nice thing about him you covered the spread for the first time this year as an underdog against a winless team at home and you so good job and you kept the team under 30 points so that's cool that's very cool yeah yeah you didn't you didn't get you didn't get blown out you could have won if you wanted to right if you want to take it to overtime i was actually just really hoping for a tie out of this game that would have been so perfect if the redskins and the dolphins had ended up tying and then you get into all this weird math when it comes time to figure out what the order of the draft is going to be uh and it could have come down to a coin toss can you imagine that a coin toss to figure out where two is going to go that would he might not go to the redskins still but uh that would have been amazing that i mean if the redskins smart, which they're not.
Say something nice about the Redskins because we might as well do that while we're here. Terry McLaurin is very good, and I look forward to him suffering a catastrophic injury that will derail his entire career.
Because he's on the Redskins. Scary Terry.
Yeah, very good. He's really good.
he's fun stop they can't have good things so and then Adrian Peterson's back Bill Callahan was like hey we're gonna just run old school football and they just ran Adrian Peterson a bunch and he looked awesome and now he can get make like a couple more million dollars and cut his debt down to 25 million or whatever it is Callahan in in his press conference this week was so ridiculous talking about his like the most rudimentary understanding of stats and cause and effect of all time being like we're just going to run the ball more and if we run the ball more then that means that we're going to win. It's a great interim head coach thing to say and the Redskins very smartly announced today that they were not going to even begin looking for a new head coach until after the season's over when everybody else is also looking for a head coach.
So that's smart. That's good.
Well, fortunately for you, Redskins, Rex Ryan said on Get Up that he would be the next head coach if you wanted him to be. He said he'd take that job.
Nice. So I've just resigned myself to the fact that I might as well just root for the most entertaining possible hire.
And Rex Ryan, I think, would probably be. He'd also probably have a pretty good chance.
If you had Rex Ryan and Dan Snyder in the same building, they'll fight each other at some point. Rex would just kick his ass, which is great.
Here's the plan for you, Redskins. Just have Dan Snyder hire Rex Ryan and Tom Cable and just spend a lot of time in the same rooms together until Dan Snyder just gets ass whooped I mean Rex Ryan probably will get the job because he wants the job and no one else wants it so they'll do a search and they'll be like what was that guy on get up who wanted the job Greeny no no no Rex Ryan they might hire Greeny by accident that stupid they are.
So, yeah, say something nice about the Dolphins and the Redskins.

The Redskins won a game and the Dolphins lost a game.

That was really nice for both teams.

It looked like it was great weather down there, too.

Yeah.

Okay.

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Eagles Vikings. Kirk Cousirk cousins you mother freaker not to quote phil rivers but you mother freaker you've done it again kirk cousins unbelievable what he did against a really bad eagles secondary a depleted eagles secondary in the one o'clock hour against a team that was technically above 500 when they played.

You just bought yourself a new contract for touchdowns,

333 yards.

You hooked up with Stefan digs. You hooked up with Adam feeling you made everyone feel good.

And there are definitely some people in Minnesota right now who against all their good judgment are like,

Make sure you subscribe to the channel. feel good and there are definitely some people in minnesota right now who against all their good judgment are like maybe maybe that was kind of cool maybe and that's that's the perfect kirk cousins he teases you a little bit so yeah give him another contract you almost have to at this point like give him two more years just a little extension show some faith in him and you could tell during this game that Mike Zimmer was, like, secretly not happy that Kirk Cousins was playing so well.
Mike Zimmer's just always like, give me a reason to bench you. Give me a reason.
I would love to bench you. And Kirk Cousins just did his thing that he does.
And I'm sure – who do they play next week? I don't know. I mean, he looks like he's going to be on a two- or three- three week roll i think i looked at it a while ago he has a he has a big prime time game against the cowboys in a few weeks and that lines and then the redskins yeah so as long as he doesn't have to go on prime time he's gonna win a couple more games and everyone's gonna say kirk cousins and redskins ones in prime time though thursday night the tragedy of this vikings team is the rest of the roster is really really, and their defense is really good, and they have weapons.
And Kirk Cousins will do this when the pressure's off and no one expects it. And then the minute they have to play a primetime game, he will give an awful pump-up speech.
He will get the entire team to lack all confidence that they had leading up to it. And then he will piss down his leg and fall flat on his face.
And we'll all be like, damn, I cannot believe we ever believed in Kirk Cousins. Kirk Cousins is the king of saying shit that he shouldn't be smiling while he says, while he's smiling.
So like in a post-game press conference, after he's just thrown like four picks, he'll be like, you know, I really got to play better. And he's got this big toothy grin as he says it, he knows he's fucking nailing the quote that he's supposed to say.
And he gets so excited about, like, saying the right thing as a quarterback. He's very exasperating to root for.
He's going to probably get his ass kicked by the Lions. But then the revenge game against the Redskins is going to be something to behold.
So he'll probably throw for, like, six touchdowns against them. And then, what is it? You said a primetime game, maybe? Are they playing the Patriots? No, they're playing the Cowboys in a few weeks, I think, in primetime.
Oh yeah, he'll get his ass kicked in primetime, yeah. So he'll have a classic four interception game in that one too.
But yeah, the greatest trick Kirk Cousins ever pulled on the world is allowing people to believe that he sucked. Because sometimes he doesn't and then uh doug peterson this was a classic bad doug peterson game where you live with the good because the good can get you a super bowl and he's one of the most aggressive coaches in the nfl and then you live with the bad when he fakes uh punts and runs screens that he's run a few times in the game before and he goes for it on fourth down when he shouldn't but you i actually have no problem with it like if Doug Peterson goes for it on fourth down every fourth down that's fine because at least you know what to expect and it's going to work half the time and then sometimes you get games like today where it really wasn't even his fault because their defense was so so bad but he didn't help them in any way by being a little aggressive in spots when it failed.
I also want to flag this real quick. Mike Zimmer is having an all-time red-faced coach season.
It's up there like Tom Coughlin, Mike Shanahan levels at this point. He wears those tactical glasses, so he's got a very angular, noticeable suntan on his face.
And 90% of his face is just beet red. He replaced the windshield with just a giant magnifying glass in his car and he's just driving around getting sunburned all the time it's it's really a sight to behold the other thing I wanted to bring up here obviously the Eagles secondary is not good they need a lot of help they want Jalen Ramsey right if you're the Eagles, would you trade a first round pick to get jalen ramsey but you also have to take nick foals yeah like two first round picks i guess in that case they want nick foal although carson carson wins is playing well and none of this like he was good today and well he threw a bunch of he threw a few interceptions i think i think he had three interceptions I still don't.
When your defense plays that bad, it's kind of hard to blame anything on the quarterback because the quarterback has to press so much to try to keep you in it. But, yeah, I'd do that.
Just get Nick Foles because Carson Wentz, he hasn't made it through a full season, so why not? Give it a shot. But if I were the Eagles, I would trade for Jalen Ramsey just because he's the type of guy that can make everything better just by him being able to lock down one guy and then now you don't have these guys getting picked on just I mean I think it was the second quarter when the Vikings just were like we're just gonna pick on their secondary and just they had plays that guys were wide open that Diggs was wide open I think he had two 50 50 yard plus touchdowns which doesn't happen in the nfl all that often and it looked like a college game broke out so yeah i'd do it i would do it this is classic philadelphia sports fan too because they're they're one city that when they get linked to a player they talk about that player as if he's already on the Eagles.
Philadelphia Eagles fans right now are talking more about Jalen Ramsey and the impact that he will have on their next game if he's their cornerback than the guys that are still on the team right now. Right, and if they don't get him, then they'll send a bunch of hate mail to his house and call him an asshole and a scumbag because he didn't get traded to the Eagles, which he has no control over.
You quit on us before you joined. You didn't want to win a championship? You didn't want to go down Broad Street? Come on, bro.
We don't want you if you don't have heart. If you don't have a heart in that chest.
By the way, with the Eagles and the Cowboys losing, which we will get to the Cowboys in a minute, the Giants are only one game out of the first place. That division sucks.
Yeah, that sucks. Did you imagine Danny Dimes getting him to a playoff and then maybe getting hurt and having Eli come in? Please, God.
That's my dream. That is my dream situation.
Please, God. Top two teams in the AFC are in the AFC East.
We were talking about the NFC, though. Oh, well, just a fun fact.
That was a classic do-your-pod shoehorn in there. We were talking about bad divisions.
We were talking about the Giants. We were talking about the worst divisions, so I figured as a little nugget to that conversation, I would add what the best division was, and it just happened to be the AFC East.
But that was a coincidence. Okay, they both have the word East in them, yeah.
So what if Eli gets in and he leads the Giants to the Super Bowl against the Patriots? Are you worried about that? Yes, that would be very concerning. That would trigger you.
You said the uniforms triggered you on Thursday night. Before we get to the— They did.
Those gray pants with Kevin— All I see when I see those Giants gray pants is just Kevin Booth's fat ass just running across my screen. Before we get to the next game, for any of your tailgates, Sunday football, barbecue, happy hour, engagement party, wedding, camping, bonfire, adult softball league, family gathering, office party, date night, bachelor party, bachelorette party, fishing, purchasing a new home, birthday, graduation, or simply because it's Friday, needs look no further than Bud Light.
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But remember, your script must include the word crisp and Bud Light. Okay, next up, the Pope game.
If you did not bet on the Saints on Sunday, you don't believe in a higher power, which I actually don't believe believe in but I do believe in when I talk to gambling it's kind of the hypocrisy of my own brain but the Pope Pope Francis the Pope tweeted before the Sunday slate kicked off today we give thanks to the Lord for our new saints they walked by faith and now we invoke their intercession

but he hashtags saints and the little logo for the saints popped up on twitter because that's how it works and then everyone in the world was like we have to bet the saints and the pope is officially one and oh in his mortal locks that he's given out on twitter and more immortal locks for the Pope is what it should be.

Yeah, so you would think that

if the Pope

or... in his mortal locks that he's given out on Twitter.
Immortal locks. Yes.
For the Pope is what it should be. Yeah, so you would think that if the Pope or God was a Saints fan, you probably would have told him, like, hey, maybe don't draft Reggie Bush.
Like something more material than just a tweet. Because besides this, I see no evidence of God rooting for the Saints at any point over the entire history of their franchise.
Besides, like, maybe the Steve Gleason punt in the Superdome. And the onside kick.
That was God being... And the onside kick.
And the onside kick. Okay, so there are a couple instances, but overall, I don't know.
Well, if I recall my Westboro Baptist church sign, I think God hates Jags. Yes.
And if he loves the Saints, then it would stand to reason that they were just going to wipe the floor with him today. I did flip my pick at the last second.
You had to. I said on Friday's show that I was going against my own brain because I was like, why on earth are the Jaguars one and a half point favorite? It's because I didn't know yet that God was going to be rooting for the Saints.
so there was a material change had to switch my pick at the last minute but uh yeah it was it was great to see the lord weighing in on things uh and we also uh in this game minshu mania reached fevered pitch they gave out 35 000 mustaches to the crowd in duval which i think is the whole stadium but then gardner Minshew proceeded to have his worst game as a starter and now I still believe in Gardner Minshew but this now makes it a little bit like is Nick Foles coming back sooner than later and we kind of were waiting for this rookie performance to happen where he didn't look like a seasoned vet he didn't look like the guy who's been having these comeback wins and poised and I don't hold it against him I still think he's going to be in the league for a long time this is though right when Doug Marone's got to be like okay this is right when we need to like try to hurry up and get Nick Foles back so there isn't a QB controversy because he had been playing so well and credit to the Saints because the Saints defense is for real and I think they don't get enough like love because of Drew Brees and Michael Thomas and Alvin Kamara and all that stuff but the Saints defense is for real and Teddy Bridgewater has now kept them more than afloat they're fucking four and two he's four and oh as a starter it's insane no either they fight no they're four is he four and two is the drew breeze not win a game no drew breeze won a game no he won it he won week one against the texans i'm wrong i'm wrong yeah yeah he won a game obviously drew breeze is coming back and obviously he's going to be the quarterback but again time and time again it's like paying a backup quarterback who can keep your season alive when you have a really good team around you is worth it and what we were saying on Friday I think holds true the Saints have no pressure when Drew Brees gets hurt and it feels like all the pressure on this season has kind of evaporated and they can just go out there and be good and the defense has been great and Teddy Bridgewater has been good good great great like that's kind of the progression he's had he's he's been adequate for a couple games and now he's starting to really get a rhythm and win them football games yeah uh real quick i know we don't talk a lot about college football on this show on mondays but i do want to talk about lsu and stay in louisiana for a second we're gonna we're gonna get to our college football we i had i wrote down a whole college football segment because we have to get up to georgia and all that shit okay all right we can do that all right so we'll we'll talk about lsu that actually is a good segue though because i wrote this down for for bengals ravens is with andy dalton and baker mayfield and we will get to all of our college football but is justin fields the best quarterback in ohio oh that's a good question or how about this we could get this debate started could ohio state beat the bangles if the bangles had to play every player at the bottom of the depth chart as the starters so like the bangles worst players start on both sides of the ball ohio state's best players start i think they could beat them that's great we should start because the Bengals worst players start on both sides of the ball. Ohio State's best players start.
I think they could beat them. That's great.
We should start doing that because the Bengals, the score is deceiving and it was, it ended up being 23-17. The Bengals stink.
Ravens fans are getting very mad at me. Ravens fans sneaky are very annoying on Twitter.
I'll say it. They're very annoying.
You keep poking them. Every week you just poke them and you're like, hey, Ravens fans, you guys are frauds.
You're using the F word. Hold on.
Use the F word, Adam. Okay.
So let me explain. I like Lamar Jackson.
I think Lamar Jackson is a good quarterback. I think Lamar Jackson is a franchise quarterback that you can build around.
I like John Harbaugh. I think he is a very, very good coach.
I do not think the Ravens defense is good enough to compete in the AFC at the top of the AFC. If you look at who the Ravens have played, they have beaten some really bad teams and then they lost to the good teams they played.
I, in that, in my to myself, the Ravens are a decent team, but to expect them to do anything special this year is absolutely crazy because every time they have to play a good team, they don't look like the same team. They don't look good.
And they beat the Dolphins. That Dolphins week one game, that was like the best thing that could ever happen to the Ravens because people will be thinking about that game for the rest of the season be like man remember when the Ravens put up a 50 burger on the Dolphins and Lamar Jackson looked incredible and since that moment they've played some bad teams and not like killed them they didn't kill the Cardinals they didn't kill the Bengals they got the Browns.
They barely beat the Steelers. So I'm sorry, Ravens fans.
We can keep fighting. I expect more out of a very smart fan base to know when the team.
Don't suck up. No, I just did that.
No, I did that. You guys are very smart football fans, so I'd expect you to have a lot more logic when it comes to the reality of your team's limitations that's ridiculous i think that the ravens are very good i would never use the very good fraud wait very good yeah i said the v word yes god you don't call a team or you don't call a team a fraud you have to go through stages at some point they're bums and then once they start being maliciously bums, they turn into frauds.
We can't just start throwing the F word out there for a playoff team because I don't think that they're a fraudulent team. Here's the thing about Lamar Jackson.
I don't know what it is, but I feel like every week he sets some sort of record. I'm told about a new record that Lamar sets every Sunday night okay here it is I'm looking at the

schedule right now this is as easy as it can be Ravens fans I will take off the F tag I've put on your team if you win one of the two next games you're going to at Seattle and then you're playing at home against New England if you win one of those games I will now take the Ravens for real and I will eliminate the fraud tag.

So those are personal prove it games for me. You could prove it to me.
I'm just saying that the F word is the worst word that you can use in a sports talk radio environment. And you've been throwing it around willy nilly on a team that frankly does not deserve it.
I also want to draw a little bit of attention here to the fact that A.J. Green just decided that he'd rather not play this year.
So he's just kind of doing a whole season of Seab's where he's like, hey, I want to still get paid, but I don't really want to play football. And if it were anywhere else, it would be like a huge deal.
But since it's Cincinnati, nobody really cares. But it is smart on his part uh i just hope that a good team snatches him up eventually because he's fun to watch when he is healthy all right and uh say something nice about the bengals odd and tate is is good so you have something there but ravens we're we we have everything we just put everything on the table right we we we see eye to eye here you have two games coming up that you can personally prove it to me because I know you want my love.
And I will give you my love if you win one of those two games. All you got to do is win one.
All you got to do is win. I don't even care how you win it.
You can win it ugly. You can win it with a fluke.
You can win it with the ref fucking up. I don't care.
You beat the Seahawks in Seattle or you beat the Patriots at home. and you are officially a contender in my eyes in the afc okay do you get the official big cat stamp of approval uh do we want to do a dunce chain this week uh yeah the chargers chargers are done they're done did i done them last week and done i didn't done them last week they're done they're officially done and not.
Listen, our guy Duck is awesome. He's awesome.
He they were. They're also leaning into it.
They did the DuckTales song coming out of break. It was awesome.
I think Al Michaels said duck seven billion times tonight. But you know what? It's a fun word to say.
I could have heard seven billion more because I love Devlin Hodges. He is.
And again, this because he listens to the show and that's the fastest way to our hearts and devlin when you hear this part make sure that you tweet us again but duck fucks and i'm gonna i just was i just laid it out for the ravens i said this to you pft a few weeks ago i think the steelers are still gonna win the amc I don't think so. I don't think that's happening.
I think that Duck is great, and I want to see more of Duck, and I want him to be successful. And Duck, I know that you're listening to this right now.
I just want to say sup. Don't let Big Cat make you think that he's a bigger Duck guy than I am because I'm also a big fan.
I just wanted to say that out loud. I think Hank's a bit of a hater, but that's fine.
We'll address that internally behind closed doors. You hate everybody that we like.
That's not true. At all.
In any way, shape, or form. The Steelers have three home games coming up.
Dolphins win. Colts, they'll probably be favored after they beat the Dolphins.
Rams, who look like a mess right now. You're telling me you'd be shocked if the Steelers are five and four going into a game against the Browns, a Sunday night game against the Browns in mid November.
I mean, and then they, and then they, and then they finished the season. They have the Bengals and the Cardinals and the Jets down the stretch.
I'm just saying this is enough hype around Lamar Jackson, enough hype around the Browns, and the Steelers losing their first and second string quarterback. They'll just go and fuck around and win this whole thing.
How crazy would it be if the stands started to do, like at Steelers home games, do the mighty ducks, the quack, the ducks fly together, quack all in unison? That'd be amazing. I'm working on duck fuck t-shirts over here, PFT.
How many t-shirts have you made for this guy? Well, one in my brain, and it's duck and cover when you're betting on them. Don't have to.
Easy money line winner tonight. Duck season, rabbit season.
Duck fucks. Let's just sell that.
Duck dynasty. People will wear the fuck on their shirt for sure.
I'm going to i'm gonna find that line i'm gonna bet the steelers to win the afc north i bet you it's nice right now i should have done it last i should have done it before they just kicked the shit out of the chargers who are done they're done they're done the chargers are done i'm sorry anthony lynn tonight kicked a field goal to go from a three score game to a three score game when they were down 24 nothing I once a coach does that which is actually ironic because Mike Tomlin started the season with that move um and I'm now saying the Steelers are back but once a coach does that I'm done with them I just I think I talked myself into a fucking corner right there fuck no it was it was smart though like nobody remembers week one that was like three years ago but when uh if you're gonna put the dunchain on them i'm gonna put the dunchain on the bucks they're my dunchain team of the week yeah bucks are done if you put a dunchain on a team that's still overseas they probably can't even get back in it's probably like an interpol flag no fly list uh okay so we're not gonna put the dunchain this team, but some people probably are in the national media.

It was the 49ers,

the Rams,

the Rams have lost three straight.

Now the Rams were Oh,

and 13 on third and fourth down on Sunday.

That's incredible.

They were over four on fourth down over nine on third down.

I,

I'm not going to actually spend this time and talk about how the Rams were terrible and the Rams are in trouble and Sean McVay has now got like the biggest test of his uh coaching you know career I'm instead going to use this time to say I believe in the 49ers now I apologize to the 49ers I picked against them almost every single week their defense is very very good and George Kittle is the best tight end in the NFL and I apologize again and again I love Kyle Shanahan so the 49ers you you get the seal of approval they are very very good I agree I was waiting to see this was my um are we sure they're good game for this week was the to see if the 49ers could do it without Juszczyk and I think that Juszczyk is a system fullback or at least he appears to be one because they were able to run the ball pretty well without him uh you're right George Kittle is awesome Jimmy G is a quarterback uh and Cheyenne Hank continues to do the thing where you just have no idea which running back

he's going to give the goal line carries to

and just frustrates everybody. Yes.

And speaking of which

what did George Kittle

just he's been talking shit because he knew that I

picked against him. Oh he

sent me a video of the all 22 where

he just dabbed at the end when they kneeled down.

It's good that he's already studied film, though.

That's awesome.

That's awesome.

That's incredible.

Not even taking the money to celebrate.

I always am nervous about the team because remember last year

it was the 49ers were the team that everyone was picking

to be the breakout team, and then obviously Jimmy G got hurt

and they had a disastrous year.

And I'm always nervous about that team that has that, everyone's picking the 49ers look at them so I think I had that still in my brain but their defense is so damn good and shout out their defensive coordinator who I mean he he was the most amped up guy I've ever seen when they stopped him on fourth and goal he he's a nominee for football guy of the week but yeah the the 49ers are for real and the Rams they play uh the Falcons and the Bengals next so they'll at least win the next two games and everyone be like oh are the Rams fixed but I think I think that's I think the Rams are in that weird spot where they pushed all the chips in and their rosters thinner than I mean they realize it but thinner than lot of people realize it. So as soon as you get a couple injuries, it's, it all kind of falls apart pretty quickly.
Yeah. I'm curious to see after this game, uh, which LA Ram Richard Sherman is going to lie about encountering on the field somewhere.
Cause it seems like Richard Sherman is, uh, kind of got called out for being a liar last week. Um, and I haven't heard any, I haven't heard him be cocky after this game yet.
So I want him to get caught in another lie in the middle of the week just to give us something to talk about him like a Tuesday morning. So I don't know, maybe say like Todd Gurley spat on you at the captain's handshake, and then we'll go watch a video and be like, oh yeah, Todd Gurley didn't even play today.
So just do something and do me a favor, Richard Sherman. Just Richard Sherman just give me some content to work with yeah hey say something about Blake Bortles so we can personally get offended and then spend all week fighting with you online yeah that'd be great for us just we're bored on Tuesdays that's perfect is Maction back this week uh no November sucks I know it's awful um all right Falcons Cardinals the falcons defense is so fucking bad man i watched this entire game and shout out the nfl schedule for actually having a balanced schedule this week so that you could watch every single game there were many times where they would show the like a pass catcher get the ball from Kyler Murray and there wasn't a single defender in the screen yeah and it that is the sign of a college football defense where you just we call them college football plays where it looks like there just isn't a secondary out there that's what the defense for the Falcons looks.
They would just have moments where there wasn't a guy within 30 yards of David Johnson or Kyler Murray.

And Kyler Murray was awesome.

And the Falcons, a quick update for you, PFT, Arthur Blank.

Remember last week we said he had optimism.

Or no, he had full confidence in Dan Quinn, which means Dan Quinn's about to get fired.

Before the game today, he said he wants to see progress over the next three weeks before week nine by or change could come. Safe to say today was not progress.
That's not good. So, yeah, I mean, that's basically saying your ass is fired.
Yes. If an owner publicly says that, it's a tough look for Dan Quinn.
You're right. The defenses that they were running were running the coverages that they were running they were not only letting guys just wide open without a player within 20 yards of them but the guys they were letting wide open it was like David Johnson yeah it's like you should probably put one a linebacker at least anybody somewhere within 25 yards of David Johnson and then they were having a lot lot of just like cross the field passes from Kyler Murray,

which again are college passes.

Those type of plays are drawn up to look like college on offense.

Not really expecting it to look like college on defense.

But I got to give credit to the Atlanta Falcons.

You can never count them out in terms of they are incredibly innovative at figuring out ways to come back and lose games in the most heartbreaking way possible. Yes, the missed extra point when they come all the way back in the second half was so, so Atlanta, Atlanta sports this entire week, just heartbreaking, and the Falcons blow it up.
It's just get them all out of my face. It's like the Clippers.
When I, when Blake Griffin read that tweet back to us, the, the Blake Griffin, Chris Paul, Deandre Jordan Clippers, it's like enough is enough. We've seen enough blow the whole thing up.
Fire Dan Quinn, never talk about another man's job, but fire Dan Quinn and start over. I don't know.
Matt Ryan, how old is he? Keep Matt Ryan, but everything else, just bring it down to the fucking bolts and just build it back up. No.
You got to bulldoze the entire operation, Big Cat. It's like if you have a ghost in the house or something like that, you get rid of every single thing.
You chip up the foundation. You ship it overseas into a dump somewhere in Albania.
You don't let any part of this team still exist. Matt Ryan, his brain was broken.
He's part of it. Like it or not, he's a talented quarterback, but he's part of the Atlanta Falcons' descent into madness.
He might be the shiniest turd in the punch bowl.

I'm mixing up like nine different metaphors.

He's the most polished turd in the port-a-potty.

There you go.

But you still got to flush him.

Boom.

Hank, go ahead.

Hank, go ahead.

Say it.

What?

You know what you want to say.

What?

No, I don't.

No, go ahead.

Say it.

Say that the Patriots ended the Atlanta Falcons franchise.

Yeah, I mean, that's old news. Where, I mean, the more recent one might be.
What? The Rams. Oh.
Oh, geez. Oh, God damn it.
No. All right, never mind.
I shouldn't have let Hank speak there. All right.
That was so long ago, I forgot. Going from a game that had a ton of points, 67 points, and Kyler Murray running around and being awesome, Titans-Broncos.

This game—

Wait, real quick.

I would like to point out to Hank that you can, in fact,

flush a port-a-potty in certain more luxurious models of them.

That's true.

Just goes to show you that you've been—

What the fuck have you flushed a port-a-potty?

You've been pissing at some poor people port-a-potties.

You get the—

The luxury models, bro.

Yeah, the ones that—

Like, if you ever go to a—

Luxury port-a-potties? Yeah, if you ever go to a bro. Yeah, the ones that, like, if you ever go to a wedding and they rent the big, like, it's basically a trailer that's a whole bathroom.
Hank's been peeing in the bottom of the barrel port-a-potties. Gross, dude.
Gross. Okay, so from a game that had 67 points to a game that had more punts than points, more punts than points in the titans broncos they had 17 punts than points.
More punts than points. In the Titans-Broncos, they had 17 punts, 16 points.
Where to God? 17 punts. 17 punts? 16 points.
Where is that? PFT, is that you? Yeah, somebody's cooking dinner. Oh, cooking dinner? Yeah.
Yeah. Dinner.
Yeah, what? Oh, yeah, someone's cooking dinner. Yeah, they're cooking meth.
Yeah. And that's what that noise is.
It's a smoke detector. Okay, we fixed the fire alarm.
PFT just put out the fire. Thank you, PFT, for your service.
It was all the Hard Factor guys' insulin meter. Yeah, let's talk about the Titans and the Broncos.
As I said, more punts than points, and this is the other end of the 2015 draft class. Marcus Mariota, it's a wrap.
It's a wrap. It's over.
You forget about Trevor Simeon, bro. Trevor Simeon's still kicking.
But, yeah, I think this actually means this is good for Jameis Winston, right? Because he officially outlasted Marcus Mariota. He might get bitched next week, but he beat him by at least a half in the long run so good for him yes so uh it's

i don't even know what the titans are gonna do now because it's ryan tannahill and then we're

gonna do the whole is ryan tannahill the guy no but maybe and then he'll get hurt right when he

plays well um the titans i don't even want to talk about the titans anymore because it kind of bummed

me out they're just kind of a bummer of a team.

And I love Mike Vrabel, but the Titans as a whole are just a bummer. Like, they don't do anything.
They can't run. They can't pass.
They can't pass protect. They play a little bit of defense, and then they bum you out.
So instead, let me ask you this, PFT. The Broncos are playing the Chiefs at Mile High on Thursday.
If the Broncos win that game, does John Elway say to himself, we're all in, we're probably going to go back to the Super Bowl? I think he definitely convinces himself that they're going to ride Joe Flacco. Yeah, I think he convinces himself that he's put together a Super Bowl winning caliber roster at that point because he'll give the speech where he's like, if you can beat these guys, you can beat any boys.
We just got done beating the best team in the NFL, is what he'll say about the Chiefs if they win that game. I'm hoping for it.
I do want to talk a little bit about the Titans because actually both of these teams, the Titans and the Broncos, these two offenses bring up my favorite NFL word, and that's anemic. You never hear the word anemic unless you're talking about a football team that scores 0 to 16 points a game, and that is these two teams to a T.
I think it actually means that you're iron deficient. You don't have enough iron in your blood or something like that, but it's the only big word that most football guys know.
They are both bummers to watch, but I think the Broncos' defense is not great, but it's pretty good, and they finally realized that maybe their very talented running back from last year is still talented. Yes yes yes and i i would say that the broncos have the ability to maybe be with vic fangio maybe be a better than good so borderline great defense and they have like a bunch of those guys where we do that thing where as long as von miller's there you're gonna say well that's the super bowl defense even though pretty everyone else is different, but that's fine because that's what we do as fans and we do as dumb football fans.
But yeah, the, I just looking at the offensive stats in this game, it was a train wreck. It was a train wreck.
The Brian Tannehill's QBR was 7.9. Marcus Mariota's was 9.9.
Neither of them broke 10. How is that possible? It's, it's? It's just a, it like bums you out.
And I love bad football, but there's something that you can laugh at bad football in college because I don't know, there's just a lot of different variables. And there's something beautiful about bad football on an early Saturday morning.
Bad football, truly bad football on a Sunday feels like they're stealing from us because we only have so many games and there's only only there's only this little time window that you have and whenever they trot out a team like this the Titans it just bums you out and it robs you of fun and I hate that when that happens when you're trying to watch football they rob fun fun. They steal fun from people.
We're getting cheated, for sure. And Vrabel looks so mad at his own team.
He looks like he's the kind of guy that he's used to being around winning championships. And he's been around solid teams for most of his career.
When he's around a team that is losing and filled with losers, he might just leave and go to the store for cigarettes and never come back. You want to talk about a coach that looks like they're disappointed, like Bruce Arians looks disappointed, James Winston? Mike Frabel just looks disappointed at his entire roster every single week after these boring-ass butt games.
They're butt games. They're butt cheeks.
The nicest thing you can say about Ryan Tannehill is that he's not Marcus Mariota. That is the best scouting report.
Like, strengths is not Marcus. And the nicest thing you can say about Marcus Mariota is he's not Ryan Tannehill.
This is Spider-Man meme. Yeah, exactly.
It's butt cheeks football. That's what the Titans do.
It's just butt cheeks. And guess what? I think Mike Vrabel is so mad at his team, he might cut off his dick and throw it at him.
And be like, this is how you complete a pass, Marcus. And like throw his dick in Taylor Luan's ear or something.
And just like a perfect strike. Yeah, and just be like, hey, this is how you fucking play football, you idiots.
Because you guys are are butt cheeks i actually think that there is a reality out there an alternate reality where the tennessee titans could go undefeated and the only way that it could happen is if mike vrabel switches up his starting quarterbacks and picks correctly every single week because you know once in a while you're going to get a good marcus mario the game that gets very confusing and he like a superstar. Every now and again, you'll get Ryan Tannehill that puts it together for a couple games in a row.
If he picked perfectly every single week, the Titans could, in theory, go 16-0. But the reality is you're never going to be able to do that.
It's mathematically impossible. But, I don't know.
They've got to go back to the drawing board at the quarterback position. The is still pretty good though so I guess that's nice yeah I actually would be pumped if Jameis went to Nashville next year and we did what you just said but with Jameis as well because he would be another one where like maybe even throw in Fitzpatrick let the Titans have an extended roster of four quarterbacks and Mike Vrabel has to pick one of those four every single week and just hope that it's the hot hand yeah it'd be amazing if you get so many weeks in a row you can get it right yes um okay uh last up the Cowboys and the Jets I remember a time when Kellen Moore was the hottest offensive coordinator in the league when the Cowboys were surefire Super Bowl contenders when they were going to run away with the NFC East when Dak Prescott was going to make 40 million dollars a year I remember that time because it was three weeks ago and now they're fucking stink and they just lost their third straight game to Sam Darnold and the Jets, who Sam Darnold, credit to him, looked pretty damn good in his comeback from Mono.
But holy shit, the Cowboys are, they were basically a shoo-in for the playoffs three weeks ago, and now we're sitting here saying, what the fuck is that on Jerry Jones' birthday, no less? Yeah tough it was an old-fashioned spleen off between sam darnold then he had jason whitten who is uh probably most notable for losing his helmet that one time and wrecking his spleen before he got in the booth as a robot but i think that uh the problem the cowboys are dealing with right now is that there's no face of the franchise for the cowboys uh who's the face of the franchise right now, Big Cat? Jerry Jones. Which face? He gets a change like once every three weeks.
Did you see, by the way, I put that clip on Twitter, but it was the high fives when they scored the touchdown to get within a touchdown. The high fives slash pounds that were going on in Jerry Jones' box.
And I don't know who have been Jerry Jones daughter or his wife was just didn't know whether to high five or pound so she just started slapping all the pounds and it made me realize that I what do you think the completion percentage of high fives are in NFL owner boxes 33 percent it's got to be and that's it's got to be the lowest yeah it's got to be the low the only place lower is like a maybe a country club golf tournament on the 18th hole yeah yeah like well from all the pga events i've seen the 18th hole just like the high five that happens between a player and their caddy, that only hits at maybe 10%. Right.
And when it does, it's never a clean hit. I actually think that might be worse, and it's definitely worse considering those would be professional athletes.
You expect NFL owners. If you're a millionaire, I expect that you also suck at high fives, unless you're paid millions of dollars to be an athlete.
Right. In which case, case you're probably really really fucking intimidatingly good at them uh but no that's a good question also it was the cowboys in new jersey today why the fuck didn't we get a shot of chris christie hanging out with jerry jones up there i don't know you know he was there i know just crushing the shrimp yes that's where he was when the high fives happened he was definitely he's in the strip line he's peeling peel and eat yeah he's like oh cowboys have the ball no one leaves their seat when the cowboys have the ball i can go get all the food chris christie just shoving shrimp into his tight softball pants so that he can steal some for his walk back home well chris christie's definitely if you've ever sat in a box or a suite they have that ice cream cart slash cookie slash candy cart that comes around like in the late third quarter or maybe like the sixth or seventh inning Chris Chrisky Christy definitely stands in the hallway waiting for it to come and he's like oh fancy to see you here again and like hey me lady and and you know schmoozes up the lady and tries to get as many rice crispy treats into his fucking fat pants as he can and and and that's where he was when the high fives were being missed in jerry jones's box gotcha yeah chris christie is definitely accidentally sat on a dessert that he has smuggled in his pants oh he's definitely he gets in the car every single august he's like god damn it chocolate again and it's just it just it looks like he pooped his pants because he smuggled so many hershey kisses in the back of his pockets i'm a little bit woke on the fact that as you alluded to kellen moore was the next hot name he was going to take you know garrett's job or he was going to get a head coaching position somewhere this offseason do you think what are the what's the percentage that you think it could be possible that they're just like kind of fucking him over from Jason, from Garrett's perspective? That he's like taking some responsibility away from Kellen Moore because he's jealous of all the attention that he's gotten? None.
I think Kellen Moore just, they beat a bunch of shitty teams and everyone got way ahead of themselves. And like Notre Dame or Texas or Miami the Cowboys are one of those teams that if they have even a little bit of success the media loses their mind and goes crazy and says the Cowboys are back because they just want to write a story about a team like the Cowboys so I I just think they're they were vastly overrated and they'll get it figured out and they'll be around later in the season but man three losses in a row and one of them to the Jets who get their first win that's tough now I so Sam Darnold I made this comment around Jets fans and it hurt them to their core but I think it's's probably what's going to happen.
The Jets are going to win just enough games with Sam Darnold this year where if he didn't get mono, they would have made the playoffs. And he's going to be just, and then he's going to be good enough that in the off season, everyone says Sam Darnold, Dark Horse MVP.
And then he gets hurt next year or takes a step back, and then we do it all over again. That's the Sam Darnold.
That's the history of what Sam Darnold's going to have going forward here. Yeah, spin zone on that, though.
If you're a Jets fan saying we would have made the playoffs if our quarterback didn't get mono is like that's your Super Bowl. That's as good as it's been for your franchise for the last like seven, eight years.
And I think like having that little glimmer of hope you could,

you could also say like,

we probably would have been contenders for the super bowl.

Cause we're getting hot at the right time.

You get to talk about that all off season. So it's still like,

you kind of won the super bowl in your own weird brains.

Uh,

but yeah,

I don't,

I don't think that that would hurt them that much.

Cause it's kind of fun to say.

Right.

Right.

But it's just, I feel so bad for jets fans fans because they are going to win six or seven games and then they'll do the math in their head and say, ooh, if Sam Darnold didn't get mono, we could have maybe been in the playoffs. Did you notice this during this game? They kept showing Greg Williams, and Greg Williams was like so fired up that it seemed like it was some sort of a personal revenge game for him like he was a big part of the story and I had no idea like why Greg Williams hates the Cowboys so much but he looked like he wanted to kill everybody but that's just Greg Williams he actually was good after his defense made a big play he grabbed the guy and reflexively Greg Williams just choked him but he was actually congratulating him he was just choking him that.
That's how he says I love you. Yes.
All right, that's all the games. Let's do our Who's Back.
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We both have suits, and we feel great in them. You can be the guy with with the custom suit you don't want to be the schlub off the rack go to indochino.com and use pmt at checkout right now okay who's back hank um who's back of the week i have a few the first one is fortnite i don't know if you guys saw i'm sure you were trying to log on today and you realize that the entire they put the entire map into a black hole people are freaking out all over the world what does that mean kids can't play fortnight so there's like a lot of videos of kids like freaking out punching tvs i don't know if it's like an update or whatever i'm i'm saying this now assuming that by the time you're listening to this fortnight is back but there's a chance that it could just be gone forever.
Ooh. Like the server's in a black hole.

You go in online and you can't,

the world or the map is just stuck in a black hole.

Holy shit.

Okay.

Also,

that's tough.

So they,

who took it offline?

Do we know?

No.

Who put it in the black hole?

Who knows?

Fortnite,

big Fortnite.

Damn.

I saw that Elon Musk tweeted that he bought Fortnite and just destroyed it, just shut it down uh as a joke and then james harrison fell for it on instagram and so james harrison actually believes that elon musk destroyed uh fortnight and he's very happy about that so his children can spend more time not playing fortnight and instead just being very intimidated of their father yeah taking as as ike Taylor said, he can have his children go take other people's,

other children's souls.

My other who's back is Zion Williamson.

I know it's not fully basketball season yet.

You guys are still in football, whatever, playoff baseball.

I'll talk basketball.

Last three preseason games, 77 points in 81 minutes,

and 29 for 36 field goals, shooting 80%.

In preseason? It doesn't matter, though. It 80 is 80 how is he shooting three uh i don't know oh okay he's missed a couple he missed but he's only six foot six so i don't know not great 80 is is pretty damn good i would say yeah but you missed the part he's six foot six he's not as tall as they thought he was.
By the way, Breaking Moose. Okay.
Breaking Moose. Triggs are a very, very talented artist who works at Barstool.
Every time you see a cover art, it's him. He drew up a duck shirt.
It's fire. That's sick.
It's fire. It's fire.
So we might have duck shirts. What does it say? Duck.
Love it. Yeah.
Say no more. It's a duck.
It's perfect. In a, I can't say Steelers uniform, a duck in a black and gold uniform throwing a football,

and it says duck.

That breaking news was brought to you by Chalka Milk, a real recovery that tastes real good.

And the Barstow Sports Store where you can go buy this duck shirt.

Yes, we are going to put this duck shirt on sale.

It's fucking sick.

Duck Fox.

Yes, Duck Fox.

What else you got, Hank?

That was it.

Those are my two.

That was it?

Okay.

I mean, I went above and beyond, I thought.

Yeah, you did.

More than one.

It was great.

I did a great job.

PFT, what do you have for who's back of the week?

Thank you. What else you got, Hank? That was it.
Those are my two. That was it? Okay.
I mean, I went above and beyond, I thought. Yeah, you did.
You had two. More than one.
It was great. I did a great job.
PFT, what do you have for who's back of the week? My first who's back is rat tails because I don't know if you saw Devin Bush, but he has an insane rat tail. It's been too long for the rat tail to come back.
The mullet had a nice run, but the rat tail is a mullet for people whose bosses have mullets. It is the working man's mullet.
It's good to see it make a comeback to the national forefront again. He had a thick one.
It was like a rope. Can I? I don't think that was technically a rat tail.
But did it come from the bottom of his? Did it come from the bottom? Okay. Yeah.
All right. All right.
Then it was a rat tail. Definitely a rat tail.
Okay. Like at some point when I do end up cutting my hair and we need to, I'm still waiting to hear back from Danny Woodhead about who the new player is that I'll do the haircut for.
But when I do eventually cut the hair, I've decided I'm going to do it in stages where like for a week I'll have a mullet. Now I've added in a rat tail stage.
So I'm going to have like at least four or five days where i have a rat tail that goes down to the small my back it it is nice for devin bush to help the rat tail community because i feel like rat tail kids everyone knew a rat tail kid and they always were like the birkenstocks and and socks kid the kid who maybe played magic the gathering the kid who maybe didn't have the best hygiene he was the rat smelt like shit yeah he was the rat tail kid and everyone was like ah are you really is that really what you're gonna do and he's like what that's like that's my hairstyle my mom my mom said i could wear it it's like okay man but it's really stopping you from having any type of friends whatsoever but he was the rat tail kid for me in my school the rat tail kid was more of like the first person to get their ears purse pierce the first dude that had like a diamond stud or something in their left ear that was the guy that was rocking a rat tail uh so he was cool are you saying he was cool yeah yeah oh in my school he was he was cool in like elementary slash early middle school and then the rat tail kid fell hard and fell fast from that point moving forward. How much money do you think the most successful person has that had a rat tail for at least a year when they were a youth? No, but I'm talking about, do you think there is a billionaire who rocked a rat tail? I'd say no.
Absolutely. No way.
Silicon Valley? Oh, maybe, yeah. Elon Musk absolutely had a rat tail.
I would also say that Steve Ballmer might have had a rat tail. Yeah, I forgot about the nerds, the really nerdy nerds.
Steve Wozniak was definitely a rat tail candidate. Okay, then let me ask it this way.
So Devin Bush has a rat tail right now, but he probably didn't have one as a kid. Do you think how many professional athletes had a rat tail for at least a year as a child? I think like 60% of the NHL had a rat tail at some point.
They just had sick flow, dude. There's a big difference.
No, that tail is like you could have flow. No, but listen, flow is, is cool.
Rat tail is like, you could have flow, but instead you decide to have no friends and be the stinky kid who plays magic the gathering i think that there's a lot of a lot of hockey players had rat tails between the age of like i'm talking seven and ten so before it was really they can't be held responsible for those decisions that you make at that age that's on your parents but i think like 60 of the hl and i would say that uh 45 50% of Major League Baseball bullpens had rat tail. Rat tail kid is the kid who cries and demands to call home first night of overnight camp.
Phil Rivers probably had a rat tail as a youth. I would be shocked if he didn't.
I could see that. I could see Phil Rivers being a rat tail kid.
All right, what's your other who's back? My other who's back is Washington, D.C. sports.
So the Washington Mystics won a championship, a WNBA championship with Elena Del Don. Great player.
Don't know why she got away from wherever she was before, but it's just great to see the District of Champions reigning supreme yet again. Natitude's back in a big way, 2-0, and we're heading back to D.C.
ready to... You know what? I might buy a broom on my way back to New York tomorrow and just bring a bunch of brooms.
I think it's broom time. Everyone's talking sweep in the district.
D.C. sports is back and the Redskins won a football game against a team.
You're such a big Mystics fan. You waited four days to mention the fact that they won the WNBA championship.
Well, I tweeted about it on Thursday. I was ready to talk about it on the show, weren't you, Hank? And you said, you said, no one gives a fuck about WNBA.
I was like, we should talk about it. That's not true.
We had finished taping the show before the game was over. I remember it.
I was like, yo, I used to be a Sky season ticket holder. I love WNBA and you go, no one gives a fuck about

WNBA, bro. I've never said

that. Some of my best parents are female.

I like female.

I was shocked when you said it, but

that's fine. It sounds like you've

had an awakening going to Vancouver

and realize that WNBA counts.

And she did it

on a messed up back. She's got all these

herniated discs and stuff. I'm just saying like

Thank you. You've had an awakening going to Vancouver and realize that WNBA counts.
And she did it on a messed up back. She's got all these herniated discs and stuff.
I'm just saying, like, great, great basketball player. It's a pleasure to have her.
Glad that she's finally in a city that loves her. Well, she had to go help her sister who has medical issues, which you didn't know because you're not a big Mystics fan.
Listen, don't try to mansplain women's basketball to me uh okay my who's back is baby back bitches so uh our producers our young producers liam and hank went to rolling loud this weekend i don't know what that is basically like wood modern day woodstock uh but for rap and in New York. Okay, cool.
So how was it, Hank?

It was... don't know what that is basically like wood modern day woodstock uh but for rap and in new york okay cool so uh how was it hank it was great uh i mean like i said there was a lot of people there travis scott shattered his acl and performed the whole concert on one leg no way so did you meet did you meet any famous people yeah you meet any famous people there was one point where i was uh and in in the bathroom area.
There was no one around near these porta-potties, and I turned around, and Kevin Durant, friend of the show, was standing right there, and there was a group of people around me. They were like, yo, you should go talk to him, say what up, see if you can get him on the show.
And I got a little heart flutter. I was nervous.
I was like, I don't want to bother him, blah, blah, blah. And then he got in a golf cart and drove away, and we never got to catch up.
And immediately after, I regretted it. It was like, that was a huge pussy move.
Bad producing by me. Mistake.
I'm sorry. And Kevin, I'm sorry.
Because we were probably staring at him. I was like, what the fuck are these people staring at? So you could have booked him.
Was he by himself, Hank, or did he have a group around him? He was basically by himself. He was staying with one other guy.
They were waiting for a ride, I think, though. No, they were waiting for a podcast producer to invite him onto a podcast.
Yeah, the opportunity was there. In my head, I was like, I don't want to bother him, but I don't think I really would have bothered him if I was just like, yo, what up, Kevin Durant? Come on, show.
Yeah, come on, Hank. In every New Yorker's life, it just at some point becomes a series of moments of getting waited to be invited on different podcasts.

I did book Greg from Succession Mountain. That's the stage that he's in right now.

Oh, you did?

Yeah, he did.

His name's Gregory on the show.

Gregory.

Well, okay, so the reason why the Triple B is back, I then shot a DM to KD and I said,

Hey, my producer saw you at Rolling Loud and was a complete coward and didn't come up to you and talk to you.

And KD responded, he's a baby back bitch.

So credit to KD for being in on that joke.

And Hank, you now are the baby back bitch.

Yeah, I mean, I can't say I can't say I'm not.

I thought I'd be like, oh, no, I'm sure I'll run into him later i'll out talk to him then obviously never ran into come on hank hank did you dm him after the fact because he responds to just about everybody's dms on instagram did you hit him with like the uh the move where a loser goes home from a bar and he texts uh his friend who's a girl like i really i really wanted to kiss you at the bar did you feel the same way misconnect hank maybe tweeted like hey i saw this hot guy at rolling loud anyone know who he is i wanted i wanted to get him on my podcast i didn't i should though this is kind of me doing that you should you should do that tomorrow a verbal dm yeah all right um let's talk some college football should we do that should we do some college football i have a seake question Promo code take put in promo code take you get ten dollars off seakey purchase my seakey question is pft what were you going to say about lsu earlier when we saved it for the college football talk i've got kind of a dream scenario that might play out and it's it's a nightmare scenario for you but it is the chaos scenario that could happen at college football. So, try to follow along here, okay? LSU loses against Alabama, right? No.
Let's just say that this happens. No.
Well, I don't want it to happen either, but I'm saying if that happens, Alabama plays against probably, I don't know, what, Georgia? Wait, time out, time out. Your dream scenario is LSU losing to Alabama? No, it's the chaos scenario.
Oh, okay. I should rename it.
I'm rebranding it right now as the chaos scenario. LSU loses against Alabama, so LSU doesn't play in the SEC championship game.
Wisconsin loses against Ohio State, but then Wisconsin beats Ohio State in the Big Ten championship game. LSU doesn't play in the SEC Championship game, and LSU gets into the Final Four.
And Wisconsin does too? No, and Wisconsin doesn't. I guess I should say Wisconsin beats Ohio State and then loses to them in the Big Ten Championship game while LSU is not playing that weekend.
And then LSU gets in the Final Four and Wisconsin gets left out. That is the SEC chaos scenario that I'm kind of a little bit rooting for.
I think you need to maybe do a little more digging on this because I don't quite follow it. And I also don't know how this is a dream chaos scenario.
Wouldn't it be a dream chaos scenario like both Wisconsin and LSU getting in and then having my heart ripped out maybe twice. I don't want you to see, I don't want to see you lose that badly.
Why? I don't want you to get close enough to get your heart broken. What are you talking about? That's the biggest lie I've ever heard.
You love when I lose. No, I like to see you lose, but I don't like to see you like utterly devastated as much as you might think.
Hank, are you listening to this? This is just a lie. Lies and lies.
Complete lie. Like the biggest lie of all time.
I'll put it this way. I'll put it this way, Big Cat.
I enjoyed seeing you lose, the Bears lose against the Eagles, but I think I would actually hate seeing the Bears lose a Super Bowl and what that would do to you. No, these are lies.
Right, but that's why Big Ten Championship is just right enough on the cusp where it's like – All right, well, let's talk about Wisconsin real quick because I am fully, fully ready to get my heart ripped out. They are awesome.
They're so good. They just kill teams.
Yeah. They fucking kill teams.
They just – it's – I've already convinced myself, PFT, that we have a two-game series against Ohio State. So go to Columbus, get your recon in, maybe lose that game, but learn a lot, and then beat them in Indy.
And then go to the college football playoff. I've already convinced myself that's what's going to happen.
They should do it on aggregate like they do in in the champions league yes yeah yeah but i that's that's what i've convinced myself so lsu

that was an electric uh atmosphere cover coach oh saying uh uh death valley where opponents

dreams come to die in coach oh fashion the whole night was awesome i wish we had been there last

year to see at least one touchdown because it seems like scoring touchdowns makes a lot of fun

Thank you. fashion the whole night was awesome I wish we had been there last year to see at least one touchdown because it seems like scoring touchdowns makes a lot of fun um and then the other big news from from the college football uh Saturday was Georgia just absolutely they Clemson themselves old school Clemsoning oh yeah they're still in it because they still, if they run the table and they beat Alabama in the SEC championship game, I think they have Florida.
I think they have Auburn. So they still have a chance.
But holy shit, that one came out of nowhere. And it's the trickle down too because now Notre Dame, that close loss that all Notre Dame alums have been telling everyone about, that doesn't look as good.
And that's why I love it basically week to week you can go from being like oh this close loss was sick it's on our resume and then South Carolina goes in there and that wet dog Will Muschamp beats Kirby Smart he was trying to lose too yeah they were Rodrigo let him down though Rodrigo let him down and uh yeah I love college. Muschamp set all-time records for being just a damp boy

in that game. After the game

when he was celebrating, he just looked like

some dude that had walked out of a Russian bathhouse

after sitting in the sauna for like six hours.

He was just soggy. His bangs...

Will Muschamp's bangs when

he starts sweating too much, which is really

all the time.

It's unlike anything else that you'll ever see in nature. The different shapes that his hair takes on doesn't look, it's very, very bizarre.
But congrats to him because I guess he's going to have sex with his wife this weekend after saying that she didn't like to hang around with losers. I like getting one good Will Muschamp win in every year because you need him in the SEC.
You need him at a big-time college football program to go five and six every single year, still have a contract for life, and then beat one team that they have absolutely no business beating. So it was good to see that happen this weekend.
Okay, so the other two things for college football, C.D. Lamb is awesome.
He was incredible. He's been awesome for a while, but he and Jerry Judy are going to be top 10 picks.
And that's going to be whoever gets either of those guys is going to have a wide receiver. Like the next crop of wide receivers, this draft is going to be awesome for.
And then I had a stat line for you real quick. PFT Rutgers football, Johnny Langan, the quarterback for Rutgers.
can you guess his stat line and I will tell you how many attempts he had he had 13 attempts 13 attempts 70 yards Johnny Langan for Rutgers was 5 for 13 0 touchdowns 0 interceptions 1 yard oh my Well, that's because in college they count sacks against the passing yardage. Five for 13 for one yard.
That is just seeing that. That's impressive.
I think it's safe to say that Nunzio Campanelli era is not going so well as they got smoked by Indiana. He needs to get his guys in this weekend.
Nunzio was concerned. He was looking ahead to the Columbus Day Parade.
Yes. He had big plans for that, so you can excuse him for overlooking this game.
Today's episode of Part of My Take is brought to you by Movember. Movember is the leading charity dedicated to changing the face of men's health around the world.
You might be like, hey, PFT, it's kind of ironic. You're face-balled.
Why are you talking to me about Movember? Well, I've got a playoff beard growing in right now, and when I shave it all into my mustache by the end of the month to celebrate a World Series championship, I'm going to have a sweet, sweet stash. The Mo is going to be lit for sure.
This Movember, whatever mustache you grow will save a bro. Your support is going to change the face of men's health, raising awareness and funds for prostate cancer, testicular cancer, mental health, and suicide prevention.
So you're doing a lot of good. This year, Barstool's own Donnie Does, the wonton Don, he is growing out his Mo to save a bro.
Join him on the Barstool Movember team. Help us change the face of men's health.
For every $50 that you fundraise in our team, you're going to get an entry to win a trip for two to join us at the Army vs. Navy live college football show in December.
It's a great game to go to. If you haven't been to the Army-Navy game, you should absolutely try to make it at some point and hang out with us while we're doing our college football show there.
Again, for every $50 that you fundraise on our team, you get an entry to win a trip for two to join us there. All you have to do is go to Movember.com slash Barstool to join our team, grow your mustache, and fundraise your chance to win the grand prize.
It's Movember. The month formerly known as November is now Movember.
We're entering into it and help us save lives. Help us do some good out there.
Help Barstool and help Donnie and help yourself win a trip potentially to go see Army Navy game. All right, let's do football guy of the week because we're on college football and we will start with Coach O.
So we should put that on there. Coach O.
Welcome to Death Valley. We'll pull his dream.
Come to death. Good luck, Coach.
Go Tigers. Like, I got chills straight down my spine when he said this on Saturday night and hearing how fucking loud that stadium was.
It was great. It was such an amazing place.
My big regret is we never got to hear the band play Neck live when we were down there.

So I don't know if you saw this, but Darius Geist tweeted out that he would cover the fine if they played Neck. Which is, I love the fact that LSU is not allowed to play Neck, but they're like, you can play it if you pay us money.
That's the most Louisiana thing of all time. Break the law, just grease the palms a little bit.
Yes. Dick buckus got a statue in illinois over the weekend and he gave a speech and it was i watched his whole speech he was so matter of fact he said shit i had fun knocking the shit out of people and it was just you could see the sparkle in his eye talking about just kicking the shit out of other people on the football field and how much he missed it.
Yeah, I think we as a society don't talk enough about the fact that Dick Butkus' name is Dick Butkus. Yes.
It's all around 13 out of 10, very good name. We need to make sure that we appreciate him while we still got him.
Yep. And then last up, we had Patriots cornerback Joe John, Joe, Joe John, Joe Juan, Joe Juan Williams.
He spends two nights a week watching youth football practices and another at a high school game because that's just who I am and I love to be around football. That's normal.
Yeah, totally normal stuff. Just go to a high school game, sit right up in the front row.
Just look at the – you know what you'll see at a high school game is kids without long hair and no tattoos. True.
A lot of that good, pure stuff that you love to see as a fan. True.
All right, those are our Football Guys of the Week. Everyone tweet us or vote for the award.
We'll try to get the guy on whoever wins. We owe everyone the LSU strength coach.
We were backed up on interviews. We'll get that for next week.
Maybe if Coach O wins, we can do a twofer. Yeah, maybe if Coach...
Don't pander. Don't rig it.
No, I'm just saying. Yeah, but vote for Coach O because we'll get Coach O on for everyone.
I'd also like to clarify, at this point I should say that I'm not rooting for LSU to lose against Alabama. So Coach O can listen to this.
I would never say that. That was your dream.
I like chaos in college football. Because I had a dream doesn't mean I enjoyed the dream.
That was like when Dwight says his dream and his dream is to work as a bellhop at a hotel. Like your dream is to watch LSU lose to Alabama again.
I don't want that. No, it's my nightmare.
It's my nightmare to see that. I think you bring it right to you.
Very different.

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It's the easy way to compare and buy life insurance. All right.
Before we do our Monday reading, let's talk a little baseball. There's been a lot of baseball.
The Nats, I have to admit, PFT, as much as I hate the Cardinals, you guys are making it too easy. Like, I want the Cardinals, no one's even going to the Cardinals games.
There was like $20 to get in. I want you guys to inflict pain.
This is too, yeah, it's too quick. The no-hitters every single game.
I mean, this is, give me something. Let them have some hope and then snatch it from them.
That's what I need out of the Nats. I mean, we're utterly emasculating the entire city of St.
Louis, by the way, that we're just suffocating the team. I would say it's almost worse to just get your heart ripped out in a very, very slow manner like this.
It's so futile. And D.C.
is like, you know, they are very excited about the Nationals right now. St.
Louis is just, you know, it's a product of them having too much success. I think they just kind of expect the Cardinals to make the World Series every year, and they're not used to seeing a hot shot up-and-coming team like this.
So I'm sorry that we're not doing enough to break their hearts in late-inning theatrics and heroics, but wouldn't it be better to sweep the St. Louis Cardinals? I did appreciate when Adam Wainwright had a very good outing and was completely cocked by Max Scherzer.
That I appreciated, so I'll say that that was very nice of you guys. Okay.
I think you're also underestimating the, just the overall hilariousness of people, grown men carrying brooms around places. So if there's a sweep, I really love seeing like people trying to get into ballparks and not being allowed in because the brooms are considered weapons.
Now then you get all those pictures of like trash cans right outside the stadium. They're just filled with brooms that people brought from their own house.
Yes, yes. Oh, I totally forgot to say something that I need to at least mention.
PFT, did you see in the Jets game, the Jets-Cowboys game, they had Tracy Wolfson wear the flak jacket that Sam Darnold was wearing, and it was fucking awesome. And I guarantee you Big Ben is going to get re-injured at some point because he is so jealous the fact that Sam Darnold has all this pub about his spleen and the fact that he might die on the football field.
Yeah, I mean, if you want to get into a dangerous situation, you just get big ben dead set on a contracting mono come hell or high water and then nobody's safe at that point yeah i did see that i did see the flak jacket it looked awesome anytime that you can put on any sort of tactical uh wear or gear i think that you always look cooler doing that yes okay and then obviously the other series we're watching the 11th inning right now i have a pinstripes update i've given them to john carlo and then he got benched the next day but i gave him to him after game one what he oh he got hurt all right yeah i'm taking away his pinstripes boom done taking him away for getting injured yeah yeah he got injured so fuck that um pinstripes taken uh glaber has his aaron judge i might give aaron judges pinstripes i don't know i just depends if they win this game yeah official official predictions for this game right now it's two two top 11 two outs it's one in the morning um i well let me i think let me look yankees when i can tell you what happens before it happens um i think the yankees win as well i'll say that right yeah for two that sounds right okay uh so congrats on the yankees they're up 2-0 no one thought it would happen and if this turns out to be wrong make sure you keep it in the podcast because it's very very funny also it's it's altuve and aaron judge picture season oh yeah so oh. So the pinstripes on Aaron Judge really make that foot height difference pop.
Right. Okay.
Let's finish the show with a Monday reading. By the way, we have Bill Burr on Wednesday.
That's going to be a lot of fun. We have Bill Burr on Wednesday.
He came in last week. What's going on here? Why wasn't that strike three? Oh, my God Okay.
So Monday reading PFT, I'm excited for this one. Ready? My, my husband wants to start a restaurant for magicians and it is tearing our family apart.
I've been with my partner for eight years. We have a four year old son and a two year old daughter.
Our relationship has been a little rocky, partly due to his highly demanding job in the restaurant industry. But we love each other deeply, and I always will.
He has been the head chef of a relatively successful restaurant for three years now and is the only source of income for our family since I left my job in the charity sector to look after our children. So we got the stage set there for the past four or so months.

He has been floating the idea of starting a restaurant for magicians with

increasing seriousness and dedication.

It is not obvious what this entails.

So I ought to explain.

He envisions a restaurant,

which unbeknownst to the general public is littered with magical props,

levitating tables, bending cutlery, and torn and restored menus to name a few. The meals served to customers can be requested to have particular playing cards inside to allow for a spectacular reveal.
And if you ask a waiter to think of a card, he will always say the seven hearts the idea here is it seems is to allow for an environment where men on dates who are in on the scheme are able to impress their companions with seemingly spontaneous magic tricks requiring little skill or where amateur magicians can go to perform relaxed impromptu shows thoughts okay Where's this going to get weird oh here we go you asked i'll deliver it just seems like it seems like a pretty standard business setup i'm sorry they're you know they're marketing to kind of a you might say a niche customer in an aspiring magician um but you know dinner and a show i don't i don't really see a problem with that okay i'm going to reserve my commentary on the merit of this idea until later, but I should explain that my husband has never shown a remote interest in magic until around four months ago when he met his friend, who in this post we will call Chris. It's definitely Chris Angel, right? Yeah, Mindfreak? Yes, it's Chris Angel.
This dude got Mindfreak. that's a mind free oh he got my washers he got mind freaked chris is something of a magic enthusiast and since meeting with my husband has become encapsulated by this idea i i'm using his throwaway account because chris is an avid reddit user oh you think uh i think it's that's pretty hilarious right there the fact that she's using a throwaway account so that she's not identified in her post about this very, very specific magician restaurant.
A restaurant for magicians. There's probably a lot of Christians.
Never trace it back to me. I used a burner account.
Over the past two weeks, Chris has convinced my husband that he ought to quit his job and use all of our savings to start this restaurant, which would burden our family with an enormous amount of financial uncertainty. We had a huge fight about this two nights ago, during which I said some things that I have come to regret, insulting his restaurant idea, his cooking, and his new friend, Chris.

During this fight...

I think you probably don't regret anything you say about Chris.

Yes.

Chris deserves what's coming to him in this situation.

But I want to go back because I just realized

that when you're talking about the different things

that they have at this magician restaurant,

this magic restaurant,

like the server will always say the seven of hearts or whatever,

and you can arrange to have cards put in places.

You're not talking about a magic restaurant.

You're talking about just a bunch of frauds. Oh, walk off.
A bunch of liars. Houston Astros, walk off.
Walk off. So the part that we said about the Yankees winning 4-2, that was wrong.
Ignore that. Yeah, ignore that part.
We just saw the walk off. George Springer.
Jake's about to cry. Sorry, my darling Jake.
But you know what I'm saying? You're not describing magic. You're describing tricks.
All the Yankee fans in the office just started screaming, Fuck! Fuck! Where's my Gabagool? Alright. Yeah, wait, sorry.
Were you just saying you're not describing magic? Yeah, you're talking about tricks. Those aren't real magicians.
They're not doing actual magic. Those are just tricks that people have set up.
Right. All right, so during this fight, my husband argued that he ought to be allowed to follow his dreams and that his idea is good because, quote, Chris came up with it, and Chris is a magician, and magicians are smart.
He got hypnotized. That's what happened.
Chris hypnotized him on the day that they met. Bro, I got hypnotized two weeks ago i thought i had outwitted the hypnotist but then i bet a shitload of unders and lost so i think the hypnotist actually hypnotized me i have got i've since gotten out of the hypnotist uh spell and bet a bunch of overs uh this honestly does not seem like the man i fell in love with who is creative but also pragmatic and level-headed yeah dude he met Chris the magician like talk about getting swept off your feet if Chris the magician comes and starts doing card tricks and tells you to open a magician's restaurant yeah no shit that's not the guy you fell in love with he's been literally seduced by a magician that's the sexiest thing that anyone could have happen honestly chris sounds a lot more entertaining and creative than the person who wrote this reddit post complaining like i'd like to see her offer a suggestion for a magician restaurant his fixation on chris seems to have massively clouded his judgment and i don't believe it is possible to rely on this restaurant for magicians idea to feed our family of four.
I can't believe these are real sentences. Where do you think a magician restaurant would have the highest likelihood of succeeding? Vegas? Yeah, Vegas.
Vegas, Reno, Atlantic City. I could see it succeeding in Tampa Oh you know what

If you put it in

An area that has like a lot of

Children in it

Kids are fascinated by magic

I bet you that kids would go to the magician restaurant

Put it in a school

Yeah

I'd agree

I agree with that

So there's a few cities

Hopefully they live in Tampa

Alright so let's finish up this post

Thank you. yeah I'd agree I agree with that so yes there's a few cities hopefully they live in Tampa all right so let's finish up this post how can I convince my husband that this idea is bad without hurting him or damaging our relationship he's incredibly sensitive about it and would seemingly jump through 1,000 hoops to come to the defense of Chris a person he did not know just four months ago and uh that's the end of the post and I'm gonna say it right now you're about to get dumped because Chris the magician sounds like a fucking g yeah he's not oh this is like Chris absolutely emotionally owning your husband at this point.

He is no longer in love with you. If Chris can talk him into opening a magician restaurant, he can literally make him do anything that he wants.
He's like a little robot that's under his control at this point. So just let him go.
The man you knew is not there. Or maybe you could just meet Chris.
I don't know if the lady knows Chris, but I'm sure that Chris would be open to having an exploratory relationship with her as well. I think the only thing that she can do is find David Blaine and have David Blaine come and expose Chris for being like a fraud magician.
That's it. Because outside of that, outside of being like, hey, this is not a real magician magician this is a fake magician and he just wants to open a magic restaurant and take all your money you're guess what you're opening a magician's restaurant and you're putting all your life savings into it and your kids aren't going to college because their dad is going to be opening a magician's restaurant that's probably going to be pretty sweet until you go bankrupt like three months into it yeah uh i i wouldn't count it out so quick big cat i think based on the virality of this post on reddit there's probably an audience out there that would try it once like for the novelty of it this is you know what this is like this is like david buster's for virgins yes david b Buster's Chad Abracadabra restaurant Verge.
Love it. Love it.
Criss Angel, you've done it again. You're a mind freak.
Okay. That is our show.
We'll see right back. Take on me.
Take me out.

I'll be the... I'll be the...
Thank you.