NFL Week 5, Fastest 2 Minutes, Duck Hodges + Big Ben’s Apple Watch

Speaker 1 Hey, pardon my take, listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
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Speaker 3 We drove 1700 miles of old Highway 61, the whole country top to bottom, just to prove one thing. Comfort food can make anywhere home.

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Speaker 3 Bison meatloaf, chicken enchiladas, turkey lasagna, the kind of meals that taste like Saturday night, even on a Tuesday. Crave New World.
Find it in Kroger Isles this October.

Speaker 3 The road trip might be over, but dinner's just getting good.

Speaker 1 On today's part in my take, football. Football and more football.
Football, football, football. Our guest is football.
We're going to break down every single game.

Speaker 1 We're going to give you the fastest two minutes. We're going to do football guy of the week.
We're going to talk a little baseball. We're going to talk a little who's back.

Speaker 1 We've got a lot for you on a Football Monday.

Speaker 4 When cool, creamy ranch meets tangy, bold buffalo. The whole is greater than the sum of its sauce.
Say howdy, partner, to new Buffalo Ranch sauce only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Speaker 2 At participating, McDonald's.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's go.

Speaker 1 Now in the streets, there is violence.

Speaker 1 And then I love the sound of perfume being done.

Speaker 1 Look at the handle washing.

Speaker 1 And then I can blame all on the sun. Oh, no, we're gonna rock down to Elite Trick Avenue.

Speaker 1 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're gonna rock down to Elite Trick Avenue. It's part of my take.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Part of My Take presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now.
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Speaker 1 Today is Monday, October 7th, week

Speaker 1 5.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 What? What?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 We start in the Meadowlands where the locker room had some hurt feelings after Kirk Cousins went on his fucking podcast and apologized.

Speaker 1 Tege, he wasn't advertising for meundies, as Cousins and Thielen are a couple of tidy whiteys.

Speaker 1 Dalvin Dane Cook is running angry because Kirk Cousins is stealing money from the Vikings every single week.

Speaker 1 Elijah Penny and Danny Dimes made enough loose change to make Pete Carroll watch this game film more than once. The Vikings are back on track.
28 G-Men 10. The New York Football Giants.

Speaker 1 Whip, whip, whip,

Speaker 1 and Houston, where Will Fuller House said, How rude to the idea of single coverage on Sunday to the tune of three touchdowns. Have mercy.

Speaker 1 Deshaun Watson broke the Falcons defense down step by step for reporters after the game.

Speaker 1 And Dan Quinn, Suzanne Summer may be starting soon, as the Falcons could be looking for a fresh start and to be better the second time around.

Speaker 1 As Deshaun Hunter Watson was the hottest guy in town, the Falcons Super Bowl run was so long ago, I watched it on my dinosaurs. I'm the baby.
Gotta love me. Texas drop a 50 birder.
53. Falcons 32.

Speaker 1 To Nash Vegas, where the Bills take on the Titans. A Music City Miracle rematch where a young schwam was in attendance.
Look at that hair, Tege.

Speaker 1 Denial isn't just a river in Egypt. It's also thinking you have a decent kicker as Cairo missed several Egypt shots.

Speaker 1 And fortunately, Mike Vrabel's dick won't be looking like the Sphinx's nose if the Titans keep this up. Hey, Tege.
Yaboom. No No one circles the pyramids like the Buffalo Bills.
Bills 14, Titans 7.

Speaker 1 Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig.

Speaker 1 In Pittsburgh, Devlin Merrill Hodges led the team back to abnormally large tie in a relief appearance after a concussion that was greatly overblown by the media, according to these pseudoscience papers I have right here.

Speaker 1 Mark Laura Ingram couldn't believe what the whistleblowers overheard when the Steelers elected to kick in overtime.

Speaker 1 After a Pittsburgh fumble, Justin Tucker Carlson's field goal drifted far enough right for the win. Ravens 23, the Steelers 20.

Speaker 1 To the nation's capital, where Tom Terrific came to smoking Jay Gruden's house for an easy W.

Speaker 1 Julian Adelman was rolling in the deep secondary as Josh Gordon Lightfoot made a wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald of the Redskins secondary.

Speaker 1 Tom Brady seamlessly ordered a touchdown as Ryan Lizzo made the Redskins defense 100% his bitch.

Speaker 1 Patriots 33, Redskins 7. Whip! Whip! I don't know if that's how Ryan Lizzo does it.
I think it is. 100% his bitch.

Speaker 1 In Carolina, where we had a back alley cat fight as the Panthers and Jaguars were two cats rubbing up against each other on a Sunday afternoon. We call that scissor and boom.
That's hot.

Speaker 1 Christian McCaffrey was a holy trinity, rushing for 176 yards, receiving for 61, and throwing for zero interceptions. Reggie Sinnabonifon added the cream frosting on the win with a late touchdown.

Speaker 1 Gardner Minshunai said everything the Panthers sent his way until he threw up a Hail Mary that was batted down by Puke Keekly. Panthers 34 to Jaguars 27.

Speaker 1 Across the pond we go where Chase Daniel Ratcliffe had the Bears offense looking like a muggle until they entered platform 9-3 quarters at halftime, coming out looking like a Triwester champion.

Speaker 1 But the Bears came up short in the most heartbreaking loss since he who shall not be named.

Speaker 2 Cody Parkyboom.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we shouldn't name him.

Speaker 2 That's why we shouldn't name him.

Speaker 1 Looks like John Gruden isn't so dumbledore now as the Raiders are eating high off the Hogwarts. The GRIFENDOR RAIDS.

Speaker 1 24. Hufflebears 21.
What?

Speaker 1 Oh, that made me laugh because I didn't understand any of the references.

Speaker 1 In Dallas, where stocks are up for Aaron Dow Jones, Amaria Alexandra Cooper told the Packers defense to call me Daddy as he gobbled up yards like a voodoo clam and sucked and fucked his way to 226 yards.

Speaker 1 Aaron Rodgers said to Danica Dactrick, we may like each other, but don't think you're getting a ring on my watch.

Speaker 1 Up in the box, Jerry Jones invited George Bush, but the Packers said put down that W and hold this Ellen degenerous. Packers 34, Cowboys 24.

Speaker 1 Standing on a corner, James with the temple flora, such a fine sight to see.

Speaker 1 It's your breeze, my lord, and his thumb's still sore. Show me your teddies, teddies.
I'll give you Marty Grubbies

Speaker 1 Come on Bridgewater. Don't be a thing

Speaker 1 cutter

Speaker 1 You've got a third leg people are calling you teddy dry

Speaker 1 potter

Speaker 1 Saints call marching 3124

Speaker 1 We finish in a sloppy game in Kansas City where an injured Patrick Mahomes is on the field.

Speaker 1 He barely has an ankle, but we're gonna go down to a better Well first of all I want to say thanks to all the equipment staff for the red unis tonight.

Speaker 1 I was walking around feeling like an ice-cold glass at Heinz. Unfortunately, we were the ones playing catch-up until he won.
Gosh dang, my ankle really smarts.

Speaker 1 They got that sucker all taped up like a dang mummy. I feel immobile on it.
It was a little weird playing my first game outdoors after playing one indoors.

Speaker 1 I got distracted looking up at the night sky, trying to figure out which one's bigger, Orion's belt, or the one Coach Reed wears around with all the neat gadgets.

Speaker 1 All right, week five five in the books. Well, we still have Monday night football.
I do that every single week. We're going to recap every game.
Yep.

Speaker 1 Before we start, we're going to start with Sunday night football. But before we do that, can we talk about the fact that PI

Speaker 1 flags are the dumbest rule the NFL has ever done?

Speaker 2 I think it was put out there as a trick on coaches to see which coaches have the least amount of respect for the officiating crews. They're like, oh, you're going to challenge it? Well, guess what?

Speaker 2 We're never going to overturn it. Except there's going to be one pass interference that's overturned in the playoffs.

Speaker 1 In the playoffs.

Speaker 2 A major game in the playoffs. They're going to totally switch the rule books on us at the very last second, and it's going to blow everybody's mind.

Speaker 1 But they're not changing anything right now. You're absolutely right.
They're going to do one big one so they could say, see, it worked.

Speaker 2 The system works.

Speaker 1 But holy shit, is it dumb? It slows the game down. There's never, ever going to be an overturn.
There might have been one already, but I feel like I haven't seen it.

Speaker 1 And every single game, it feels like there's two or three times where a coach is like, should I challenge? Should I not? Then they challenge. They never get it.

Speaker 1 That one in the Dallas Green Bay game, which wasn't pass interference, but then the minute they showed on slow motion, everything looks like pass interference.

Speaker 1 So they're never going to undermine their own crew. And it's the dumbest rule change that they've ever done.

Speaker 1 It was so knee-jerk from the Saints fuck-up, which we said at the time was a huge fuck-up, but also like a once-in-a-million, you know, shot fuck-up that didn't need an entire rule to fix that.

Speaker 2 I think if it happened to any team except for the New Orleans Saints, they wouldn't have changed the rule. But even the NFL was like, you know what? We fucked over this franchise a lot.

Speaker 2 If we don't make it look like we're doing something, we might have a riot on our hands. Yes.
We might have a full-scale riot. The Saints fans were putting up billboards in Atlanta for the Super Bowl.

Speaker 2 Who knows what the next step would have been if they didn't change something. So it was very reactionary to that.
But that's what the NFL does. Of course.
They're extremely reactionary to everything.

Speaker 2 And so they're putting on a kind of like a facade of, yeah, we fixed the problem. The problem was never that big to begin with.

Speaker 2 Because like a judgment call, it's tough to go back and review because you're right. You could call it on every single play if you wanted to.
I actually just realized what they did.

Speaker 1 We're so stupid. Of course they did this because what they did was they created this rule that's even dumber than the missed call in the Saints game, in the NFC championship game.

Speaker 1 So now in the offseason, they can can remove this rule and then say, hey, we're listening to people. We're changing things.
We know how to adapt.

Speaker 1 When really, they're just adapting to their own fuck-up that was a reaction to their initial fuck-up.

Speaker 2 It's genius.

Speaker 1 It's genius by the NFL.

Speaker 2 This never would have happened if Jeff Fisher was still on the competition committee. Yeah.
I'm just saying that.

Speaker 2 Like, if Jeff Fisher was still involved in some aspects with the NFL, this rule change would have never been implemented.

Speaker 2 And while we're talking about rules, he knows that he can't find his own challenge flag inside his pocket.

Speaker 1 He would have lost all of them. And while we're talking about rules, I really, this is going to be a hill I'm going to die on now.
The rule that if you have like

Speaker 1 an excessive celebration or a

Speaker 1 block in the back or something on an interception that gets negated, it shouldn't count. That shouldn't count.
If the interception is negated, everything after that should be negated.

Speaker 2 It should be, if you're, yes, if you're a defensive player and you see a flag stand on the play, it should be the exact same as if you're Aaron Rodgers and see that there's an off-sides penalty.

Speaker 2 International walk. You get a free shot.
Yeah. So if you intercept the ball, you can do whatever you want with the ball.
You can stick it in your pants and pretend to hump an official.

Speaker 2 You can punt it into the stands. It doesn't.

Speaker 1 It doesn't make sense that if you intercept the ball and then you have excessive celebration and then they say the interception never counted, the celebration shouldn't count because you wouldn't have had that.

Speaker 2 Anything that happens after the flag's down doesn't count at all.

Speaker 1 Okay, all right, that's enough of us just yelling mindlessly.

Speaker 1 That we can't change and have no impact on.

Speaker 2 My only regret is that Lovey Smith was not around to totally screw up all the past interference challenges because he would have figured out brand new ways to mess all that up.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. Okay, so let's start with the Sunday night game.
The Chiefs are in trouble.

Speaker 2 I think the blueprint is out there for the Chiefs.

Speaker 1 Well, who's going to beat the Chiefs?

Speaker 2 It's Injure Pat Mahomes.

Speaker 1 Well, it's Injur Pat Mahomes, but we have to give a ton of credit to the Colts because running the ball the way they ran it and also just credit on the season.

Speaker 1 The fact, I don't know many franchises that could have their franchise quarterback, their career, their quarterback for the future, you're hoping for the next 10 years, retire all of a sudden and be able to hold everything together.

Speaker 1 And the Colts need all the credit in the world for good leadership. I'll say it Jim Ursay, but it's probably more Chris Ballard and Frank Reich.
But I'll give you some.

Speaker 1 No, yeah, we'll give the credit for it.

Speaker 1 I'll give you some credit, Jim Merce. But that is what...
Good teams do with a solid foundation with a GM who's been empowered and a coach who's been empowered.

Speaker 1 And Frank Reich is on my list of coaches you love to bet on because he's aggressive throughout the game.

Speaker 1 But they need all the credit in the world because I honestly don't think there are more than a handful of franchises in the NFL that had their quarterback retired three weeks before the season would have been able to put together what the Colts have been able to put together.

Speaker 1 And of course, it's week to week. They lost to the Raiders last week.
They beat the Chiefs this week.

Speaker 1 The NFL makes no sense, but I still think they need credit because what they're doing, they have an identity and they stick to it.

Speaker 2 Consider this, us crediting Jim Ursa for the first time on the show. He put Ballard in place.
Ballard stocked the offensive line. The offensive line has five Rogue Graders on it.

Speaker 2 Quentin Nelson is just dominating people. They have probably, I think I saw like 10 plays tonight where it was just scripted for Quentin Nelson to just blow the

Speaker 2 defensive lineman off his feet and then get to the second level immediately. Yes.
And they are really, really good on the offense. They can run the ball on anybody.

Speaker 2 They can pass protect, and they've got some good receivers. They've got a good running back.

Speaker 2 They're actually, yeah, I know their defense was banged up a little bit today, but the Colts are really, really fucking good. And Frank Reich, I mean,

Speaker 2 he's got to be in the conversation for Coach of the Year at this point.

Speaker 1 Well, first quarter. No, we're doing quarter.
First of all,

Speaker 2 second quarter. Frank Reich gets the first quarter of the second quarter Coach of the Week award from me.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. All right, so the Chiefs.

Speaker 1 I don't want to overreact because obviously they're fantastic. No, Patrick Williams is incredible, but we have to overreact a little.

Speaker 2 My question to you, PFT, are they...

Speaker 1 a regular season team because this is my favorite thing about football when you have a team just be be like, hey, you know what? We're just going to man you up. We're going to run the ball.

Speaker 1 We're going to control the clock. We're going to play some defense.
And now Patrick Mahomes' injury, clearly, he was hampered. You know, Tyreek Hill's out there.
Everything changes.

Speaker 1 I think Sammy Watkins went out. But I do love this dynamic.

Speaker 1 This is why football is the best sport because you have like incredible offenses, incredible teams, and then you can basically say, hey, if we just decide to just play like man old school football, we might have a chance.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 1 Probably not every time. Right.
But we might have a chance.

Speaker 2 It's grit versus glam. Yes.
You guys are going to try to score 50 points on us. Tell you what, we're going to run the ball.
We're going to run the ball and then we're going to run the ball some more.

Speaker 2 Quentin Nelson rocking the run the damn ball hat like you're wearing right now.

Speaker 1 It's run the damn ball. It's bully ball.
It's kind of like it's the old Peyton Man and Colts teams who would put up insane stats in the regular season and then get bullied in the postseason.

Speaker 2 I've got another team that I'm going to talk about later that I think fits that bill pretty well. But yeah,

Speaker 2 you know how we always say that the trick to beating Tom Brady is hit him, just if you can rush with four and then hit him with four.

Speaker 2 Beating Patrick Mahomes, the book is out. It is actually just keep him in the pocket.

Speaker 1 Keep in the pocket. So make sure you sprain his ankle like multiple times.

Speaker 2 The injury had something to do with that, but you're going to hear a lot of people say that the trick to beating Patrick Mahomes is keeping him in the pocket. And I think that that's real.

Speaker 2 I also think that there might have been a little bit of bad chemistry going to this game because if you saw earlier this week, Richard Sherman and a few other, not Richard Sherman Anthony Sherman and a few other players on the Chiefs they tweeted out Travis Kelsey's phone number oh did you see that no I did not yeah they just they said wish him a happy birthday because it's his birthday and was it actually his phone number I don't know I wished him a happy birthday he didn't respond to me okay so so he curved me so the chiefs have the texans next week that's you just got to bet the chiefs points though

Speaker 1 you got to bet points yeah but you got to bet the chiefs because you just have to take whatever overreaction you have and I just basically buried the chiefs even though they're not and remember that next week Patrick Millens will throw five touchdowns, and we'll just forget everything.

Speaker 1 So they're not in trouble, but it's one of those things. Keep it in the back of your head.
Okay. Because you know who else can run the ball? The Patriots.

Speaker 1 So if they play each other in the playoffs, which we all expect, will the Chiefs be able to figure this out?

Speaker 2 Yeah, if it's in New England, it's going to be tough.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's get to the rest of the games.

Speaker 1 Bucks versus Saints, Teddy Bridgewater.

Speaker 1 Do we have a quarterback controversy?

Speaker 2 I think so. It's going to be Bridgewater or Taysom Hill.
I'm not sure which one. You got to ride the hot hand, right? And Taysom Hill was one for one today.

Speaker 1 Okay, so he was one for one. It sucks that he ⁇ I understand why Sean Payton is not bringing Taysom Hill out much more because if Teddy Bridgewater gets hurt, Taysom Hill is your quarterback.

Speaker 1 So you can't just be throwing him out there seven times a game for random plays.

Speaker 1 Your internet dad, my internet uncle, Mike Florio, had a point that I thought was very interesting. I want to hear your take on it.

Speaker 1 True Breeze's injury was the best thing to happen to the Saints because

Speaker 1 it took all the pressure off this season after the Minneapolis miracle, after the NFC championship game with the blown call. The Saints were the snake-bitten team with all the pressure in the world.

Speaker 1 Can they get back? Their window's closing. You know, Drew Brees isn't going to be around forever.
He gets hurt, and now it's like it's the old nobody believes in us theory.

Speaker 1 And they go to Seattle and they win, and then they beat the Cowboys, and then they beat the Bucs, and they just keep rolling off wins.

Speaker 1 And now you have to wonder, like, their defensive line is awesome, different in the dome. And Teddy Bridgewater is doing more than just keeping them afloat.
He's winning games. He's winning.

Speaker 1 What is he? He's 3-0 now. Yeah, he's 3-0 as he started.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 they said basically just tread water until Drew Brees gets back. And you know what this injury did? It gave them permission to win ugly, which I like.

Speaker 2 Because if they win ugly with Drew Brees, then the question is, is Drew Brees done? Right. Is this time to move on? Is this his last season?

Speaker 2 How much longer is Drew going to stick around in New Orleans? Now,

Speaker 2 this team's playing like a team. So you agree with that? I do agree with Mike Flurry on this.
I don't think that they.

Speaker 1 We should just steal the take we created.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so I don't think that if Sean Payton had drawn it up in his very busy offseason,

Speaker 2 I don't think he would have said, I would like to see Drew get hurt this year. Yes.
But I don't think it's the worst thing in the world.

Speaker 2 Also, it makes him look like a genius for re-signing Teddy Bridgewater and makes Teddy Bridgewater. You know how close we were to having Miami Dolphins quarterback Teddy Teddy Bridgewater? Yeah.

Speaker 2 He's making himself millions and millions of dollars.

Speaker 1 Drew Brees, Miami Dolphins quarterback.

Speaker 2 That's true. That's true.
All these guys. All these guys.

Speaker 1 They're just like, nope, don't want to go there.

Speaker 2 I'd rather go to the Saints.

Speaker 1 But we now have the two best teams in the NFC South are teams that are just winning with backup quarterbacks. And it's impressive.
I mean, the Saints, it's impressive what the Saints are doing.

Speaker 1 And I do really, I kind of believe that they're under the radar with the Drew Brees injury.

Speaker 2 The pressure is completely off.

Speaker 1 And you're right. They can just win ugly.
This was, I mean, Teddy Brezhou was very good today. Yeah.

Speaker 2 They're calling him Teddy Throosevelt. They were

Speaker 1 channing Teddy. Teddy Roosevelt.
Ooh.

Speaker 2 Because he carries that big stick

Speaker 2 between his legs.

Speaker 1 Drew Brees is definitely going to come back when he's not 100%.

Speaker 1 Like, he's going to come back when he's 60% because he doesn't.

Speaker 2 He can't have this. He was throwing miniature footballs.

Speaker 2 They got him on the Andrew Luck plan where he starts out with the little footballs that you get from a vending machine. Yeah.
Eventually he'll be a nerf. Then it'll be a vortex.

Speaker 2 Then it'll be a college football. So we've probably got like five weeks of him progressing to slightly bigger balls.

Speaker 1 He's going to come back before he is ready just because he can't handle this.

Speaker 1 Okay, next up, Ravens.

Speaker 2 Also, he remembered that he has Michael Thomas on his team. Yes.
Which is a very big ball.

Speaker 1 Well, the Buck's secondary is atrocious. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, where do we stand on the how much has Bruce Arians gotten through to Jameis Winston meter now?

Speaker 1 Well, Jameis Winston did something today that I don't think I've ever seen.

Speaker 2 He played in the Superdome without trying to eat his own fingers. No.

Speaker 1 Nope. He threw an interception, but it was called off because he took a delay game.

Speaker 2 It's smart. It's incredible.

Speaker 1 I've never seen a quarterback. I mean, they rarely let the play go on a delay game, but it was incredible to watch.

Speaker 1 It was like the reverse Aaron Rodgers, who does the get the guy offsides and then throw a touchdown because you know he has a free play.

Speaker 1 Jameis didn't even realize he had a free play.

Speaker 1 Or no, he didn't realize that the play was going to be called off, and he still threw the interception, and then his original stupidity negated his second stupidity.

Speaker 2 Sometimes it's better to be dumb than good.

Speaker 1 It was incredible. Yeah, and that is the Jameis Winston.
That's the Jameis Winston straight.

Speaker 1 All the time, it's better to be dumb than good.

Speaker 2 If you're dumb enough and you make a mistake, sometimes it turns out in your favor.

Speaker 1 Jameis never lacks in confidence. Turn in for sure.
That's good, Jameis. Okay, Ravens, Steelers,

Speaker 1 Duck. Devlin Hodges, Duck.

Speaker 2 Duck. Is that what we're saying about him? That's his name.

Speaker 1 His nickname's Duck.

Speaker 2 They call him Duck.

Speaker 1 He won a Duck calling competition as a youth.

Speaker 2 they call him duck that is so perfect i love they call him duck not a great name for a quarterback devlin duck hodges uh-huh i kind of like it i like it too in theory but i mean the problem with that is every time he throws a duck then it gets brought up true true but then you could say that's my that's my signature you knew what you were getting when you signed when you signed old ducky so devlin duck hodges comes in for mason rudolph who took a brutal brutal hit and the did the cart break when they were trying to take him off yeah so it was out on the field they drove it out on the field i don't don't know if it ran out of juice or ran out of gas or what happened.

Speaker 2 You know what it was?

Speaker 1 It was probably

Speaker 1 Ben was just joyriding it before the game.

Speaker 2 Just ghost riding the whip.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and so the there was. Not wearing a helmet.
There was not enough air in the tires because he had just taken it all out, taken all the gas out, and it broke down.

Speaker 2 How about Ben Rothlessberger getting in trouble for wearing an Apple Watch last week? Yeah. That got $5,000.
And his excuse was his wife dressed him, which is

Speaker 1 I absolutely believe that. By the way,

Speaker 2 you can be like, yes, Ben Rothlessberger doesn't know how to put clothes on.

Speaker 1 Do you think that Ben Rothlessberger would know how to cheat with an Apple Watch? There's no way. He probably doesn't even turn it on.

Speaker 5 He doesn't even know that it's a watch that you can use text messages on.

Speaker 1 Right. He just has it for the time.
He probably doesn't even look at it. It just looks good.
He's like, oh, yeah, my wife dressed me and it looks good. He's like, oh, this watch?

Speaker 1 Oh, it doesn't even turn on. It's weird.

Speaker 2 He just uses it to track his steps and his heartbeat.

Speaker 1 Yes. It's for health.
But yeah, so Devlin Duck Hodges comes in. Not bad in relief of Mason Rudolph, but the big story from this game is Mike Tomlin.
And I'm going to defend him. Go off.

Speaker 1 I'm going to defend him. Mike Tomlin did the unthinkable, and in overtime,

Speaker 1 they won the coin flip, and they elected to kick. Now, of course, when we saw this, we're like, this is the dumbest thing ever.

Speaker 2 Steelers football, baby. Dumbest thing ever.

Speaker 1 But Mike Tomlin, his quote afterwards, it actually makes sense.

Speaker 1 So he said that his kick return team was so bad on Sunday that he knew that if he elected to receive, they would have a very good chance of not moving the ball and then giving the Ravens great field position.

Speaker 1 So the Steelers on Sunday, their three kick returns, they started at the 11, the 12, and the 15.

Speaker 1 He kicked in overtime. He said, I challenged my defense to make a stop.
They made the stop, and then they received the ball in the 32. So

Speaker 1 whatever you want to say about Mike Tomlin, and there's a lot to say.

Speaker 2 He doesn't have any confidence in Duck.

Speaker 1 I actually, no, I actually think he made, no, he doesn't have confidence in his kick return team.

Speaker 1 Because if you go out, if you are at the 10 and the 15 every single time and you don't get the first down, you basically are giving Justin Tucker the game.

Speaker 2 Right, but also you don't have to score a touchdown. You just have to get in.

Speaker 2 So you're giving Justin Tucker permission to win the game on the very first possession.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 you can't win the game on a field goal. Oh, sorry,

Speaker 1 he deferred

Speaker 2 catching it. So he kicked off to them.
Right. Knowing that

Speaker 2 they would give up a touchdown, which they did, right? They stopped him. They stopped him.

Speaker 1 They got the ball back at the third or something yard line. So it actually worked out exactly as Mike Tomlin planned.
And then, of course,

Speaker 1 Rylan Humphrey, you know, peanut punches

Speaker 1 Juju. Juju, yeah.
And then the game ends. But what Mike Tomlin did actually worked exactly to plan.
And as dumb as he can be at times, I'm going to defend him on this one.

Speaker 2 I got to wait and see what the stats are on how many times has that happened in overtime overtime in the modern game, like a coach that does not elect to receive the kickoff.

Speaker 1 I feel like Belichick's done it with the win before, maybe.

Speaker 2 This might be one of these situations where Tomlin figured out the math after the fact when he knew he had to defend it. He downloaded all the data that he keeps in Big Ben's watch.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 My knee jerk was to say that's so stupid, but when he explained it and then you looked at the numbers and how bad their kick return team was on Sunday, like, and that's something the Steelers have struggled with all season.

Speaker 1 They don't really have a returner.

Speaker 1 Listen, Mike Tomlin, if you're watching the game, there's never been a coach happier than when they got that first stop because he knew he was off the hook.

Speaker 1 But still,

Speaker 1 especially with the fact that a field goal can't beat you on the first possession, I don't hate the move.

Speaker 2 Also, when you have a backup quarterback and then a backup quarterback in the game, it kind of gives coaches a little bit of room to breathe and a little bit of room to try weird stuff.

Speaker 2 And that way, when they explain things like his decision to do this in the post-game press conference,

Speaker 2 first of all, your ownership does not expect you to win when you're starting a second stringer or a third stringer necessarily.

Speaker 2 And when they hear you trying weird, fucked-up moves like this, they're like, well, he's doing everything that he can. Right.

Speaker 1 He is trying to play the odds and do weird shit to try to get this team to a victory.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like they were doing a lot of the gadget plays.

Speaker 1 You know what?

Speaker 2 I don't know if the stats are 100% correct on this, but I think that there were more little, I don't want to call them shovel passes, but the passes that go like a yard in front of you to a wide receiver running a jet sweep.

Speaker 2 You know what I'm saying? Those little underhanded passes. There are more of those

Speaker 2 in this week than I've ever seen in any other week of the NFL.

Speaker 1 They count as forward processes.

Speaker 2 Absolutely. So also, Lamar Jackson.
Stinks. Let's talk about him.
He stinks again. So he stinks again.
He stinks, then he doesn't stink, then he stinks again.

Speaker 2 He did knock over a photographer on the sideline and then picked her up and gave her a little pat on the back. So it was a good job respecting the biz by Lamar.

Speaker 2 The Ravens didn't look great really in anything that they did. No.
Their defense was okay.

Speaker 1 They're not a good

Speaker 1 Ravens fans are going to get.

Speaker 1 I don't think they're that good of a team.

Speaker 2 I think that this is a team that is poised to take a big drop-off in the second half of the season.

Speaker 1 Lamar Jackson, too,

Speaker 1 I noticed this.

Speaker 1 He looked a step slower than he has the first few weeks. It's hard to be a running quarterback in the NFL.
I mean,

Speaker 1 you get hit a lot. You get hit way more than everyone else.
He ran the ball 14 times. I mean,

Speaker 1 some of them are, he's going out of bounds and some of them are he's sliding, but that's still more hits than every other quarterback gets.

Speaker 1 I'm just saying, if you're, if we're doing the meter on Twitter, the Lamar Jackson haters, which we're not, had a nice day.

Speaker 2 It was not as good as it could have been for them. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because they won, and you can always say he wins.

Speaker 2 And I feel like a lot of the Lamar Jackson haters are also the same quarterback wins people.

Speaker 2 They're very conflicted this morning.

Speaker 1 Well, I just don't understand

Speaker 1 why we can't just be reasonable about Lamar Jackson and be like, he's a pretty good quarterback, and I still want to see more and see if he can be healthy for an entire season while he's carrying the ball 14 times.

Speaker 1 I feel like that's a rational thing to do.

Speaker 2 I think that's a pretty rational thing to say.

Speaker 1 Right. But no one, you have to have the hottest take on Lamar Jackson, whether it's pro or against.

Speaker 1 Okay, next game up.

Speaker 5 The NFL actually came out and said that Mason Rudolph didn't need a cart for that hit.

Speaker 1 Oh, he did.

Speaker 5 If he needed a cart, they would have brought one out, but he was totally fine.

Speaker 5 He was totally good.

Speaker 1 He was just knocked out just walking. Just tore Mason Rudolph out there.

Speaker 5 So it wasn't the NFL card issue. It was, it was, he was fine.

Speaker 1 The fact that they took off the mask was, I mean, you can't do that to a guy. Take the whole helmet off.
Like, that's that was not fair for him. That visual was not fair.

Speaker 2 Oh, just because it saw your face coming out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and he just had the helmet on, like, the without the face mask. I'm going to say that.
You got to take the whole thing off.

Speaker 2 I'm going to say it. Football players, I think they look pretty cool without the face mask on.

Speaker 1 It looks different. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 Looks like a leatherhead.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Looks like the old George Clooney. Yes.

Speaker 1 Okay. Next up, we have Cardinals, Bengals, Zane.

Speaker 2 Zane did it. Zane.
Zane, it was a big day for Chases, half the game, and Zane's.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was good. I guess Cliff got his first win.

Speaker 2 He was the first rookie coach to get a win this year. Yes.
That's a stat for you. Did he get...
At the expense of Zach Taylor? Yeah. I still don't know what he looks like.

Speaker 2 I think he looks like a mix between Mayor Pete and the coach, was he Ryan Day?

Speaker 1 Poor Zach Taylor. It sucks.

Speaker 1 They're talking about trading Andy Dalton now, which would be.

Speaker 2 Yeah, get a King's ransom for Andy Dalton.

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, mid-season, some team would, and I'm saying this now because I know it's going to be the Bears, but some team would be like, hey, we have an injured quarterback. Let's take Andy Dalton.

Speaker 2 Would you take him right now?

Speaker 1 This is my original hypothetical that got me in trouble with Jay Cutler all the way back when. Uh-huh.
So it was hard to do. If Bitch was hurt for the rest of the year, yes, definitely.

Speaker 1 Would be great.

Speaker 5 And I would say with the colors, too. It would be so sad.

Speaker 1 God damn it. All right, so this game.

Speaker 2 Kyler Murray didn't look as short as he has in the past.

Speaker 1 No, he's looking like he's growing.

Speaker 2 I think he looks shorter

Speaker 1 at home than he does on the road. Someone with the cameras.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and like the bright red uniforms that they wear.

Speaker 1 The red color red.

Speaker 2 The red, yeah, the red brings him down a little bit. Yes, it does.

Speaker 1 Red's a bad color just in general to wear.

Speaker 2 This is an old-fashioned double-circle game. The Bengals and the Cardinals.
So if you're a fan of either team, at the start of the year, both teams had this circled as a win for them. Yes.

Speaker 2 Like if you're a Cardinals fan, you're like, yeah, we could steal this one on on the road, no problem. Right.
Those are always dangerous. Right.

Speaker 1 And it also is one of those games that if you are a Cardinals fan, who I don't, I don't know who

Speaker 1 is. Cortez.
Cortez. Clue Haywood.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Clue there you go.

Speaker 1 And Cortez.

Speaker 1 Those two Cardinals fans, we're talking to you right now on this podcast.

Speaker 1 This is the game that you watch and you say, that's Kyler Murray. That's why we picked him number one.

Speaker 1 And that's all you, that's when you draft a quarterback and your team stinks around him, you just need like two or three games in the season where he shows something that you're like, that's the guy.

Speaker 2 Did you see pictures of the stadium before the game? How empty it looked in Cincinnati? It looked like what the

Speaker 2 dilapidation porn for like old Olympic stadiums looked like right now.

Speaker 1 It was brilliant.

Speaker 2 There were weeds growing in between the chairs and people were like, I don't think there were people even trying to get in.

Speaker 1 Alligators in the pools.

Speaker 2 And at that point, I got to put one in the ear hole of Cincinnati because if there's nobody at the game,

Speaker 2 what are you doing in your assigned seat on the second level? It's a good question.

Speaker 1 At that point,

Speaker 2 you scoot down to the front.

Speaker 1 It's a good question. It's a very good question.

Speaker 1 Okay, next up we have, oh, here's a stat for you. Not good for Cincinnati.
NFL

Speaker 1 defenses have only given up 10 500-yard games so far in this season. The Bengals have given up two of them.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's not good.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's not good.

Speaker 1 That doesn't seem like that defense is doing so well. Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 2 Who's their defensive coordinator now?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Andy Dalton had 22 yards in the first half.

Speaker 1 But you tried. You know what? You tied the game at the end.
And you almost.

Speaker 2 It could have been a lot worse if you did Snatty.

Speaker 1 You came back.

Speaker 2 You tied. You know what? Resiliency.

Speaker 2 You were the unlucky ones that had to deal with the Kyler Murray game.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it also wasn't prime time.

Speaker 1 So that's good.

Speaker 2 Not that many people watched on TV or in the stadium. Right.
This was the game that Red Zone forgot this week.

Speaker 1 Well, the Bills Titans, too.

Speaker 2 There were also 10 games.

Speaker 2 Real quick, NFL schedule makers, 10 games is too much football to be happening at one time.

Speaker 2 I have no idea what's going on. I can't keep a score straight while I'm watching it.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 2 I can't keep track of my bets or my 40 fantasy teams. I can't keep track of any of this.

Speaker 2 It's like if

Speaker 2 you had epilepsy and you were trying to watch the red zone, it changed too often. You would have just started to have a seizure.

Speaker 1 It was in Tribox the entire time. Didn't like it.
Yeah, I agree.

Speaker 2 Didn't like it. Also,

Speaker 1 Scott Hanson's better than Ciciliano. I said it.

Speaker 2 Are you watching Ciciliano now? We have direct TV here.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. Cicelyano,

Speaker 1 he's not a gambler's friend. Let's just say that.
He doesn't get it. He did a lot of things that were,

Speaker 1 if I hadn't been watching the, because we have direct TV now, and so we actually can watch every single game, the full broadcast, but we also have red zone on with the sound.

Speaker 1 He did a lot of things where I was like, you can't get our hopes up like that. Uh-huh.
Like called back interceptions. And

Speaker 2 there was a Hail Mary.

Speaker 1 You cannot do that.

Speaker 2 There's a Hail Mary in one game where I think it was Scott Hanson did this too, where he was like, and they're going for the Hail Mary, and it was batted down to the ground.

Speaker 2 I thought it'd make it interesting for you guys. And it was like, Scott, you can't do that.

Speaker 2 But the thing about Scott and Ceciliano is no matter what side you're on, if you grow up watching Ceciliano on red zone, you love Ceciliano.

Speaker 2 If you grow up watching Scott Hanson on red zone, you love Scott Hanson. They have fiercely loyal.

Speaker 1 That's it. That just made me sad, though, because we didn't grow up on either, because Red Zone came around like 10 years ago.
If I grow up, I know.

Speaker 1 It made me sad knowing that there are kids who are like, what? There's a world where there wasn't red zone?

Speaker 2 Also, their voices sound scarily alike.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Why don't they have a red zone for just like hosted by a gambler who can just be like, hey, if you bet this game, you're fucked. Just point.
Yeah. Yeah, like that's all they say.

Speaker 2 Plays that only matter against the spreads or the over.

Speaker 1 Be like, hey, we're going to go real quick to Carolina where Ron Rivera didn't kick a field goal to go up seven. So if you have minus three, you're probably fucked.
That's not a bad idea. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The bet zone. Like, hey, if you have the under in this, or if if you have the over in this game and it's the Bills Titans, they're like, just forget about it.
Just count it as a loss and move on.

Speaker 2 I don't hate that idea at all. Yeah, actually.
They tried to do that with fantasy football, but they should just switch it over and say, like, this is the bet zone.

Speaker 1 Because if you have an actual, like, degenerate gambler who hosts it, I could tell you a winner or loser within the first five minutes.

Speaker 1 Like, hey, they just ripped off a 10-yard run.

Speaker 1 They're not going to be able to stop them. This game's over.

Speaker 2 Forget it. The problem is, if you have a degenerate gambler hosting it, then you're going to know exactly what he's losing.

Speaker 1 And on a bad week,

Speaker 2 it's just going to turn into him like throwing shit out in the studio.

Speaker 1 That's part of it. That would be part of the charm.
Like if I did this, there would be weeks where I would just stop talking for 30 minutes in a row. He'd be like, you figure it out yourself, asshole.

Speaker 1 I'm having a bad Sunday.

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Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 Bills Titans.

Speaker 2 The other game that Red Zone forgot this weekend.

Speaker 1 PFD. Yep, the Buffalo Bills are 4-1.

Speaker 2 I believe I said after week two, they're going to be a playoff team. They are.
The Bills look good. The defense is fucking awesome.
Hold on.

Speaker 1 Let me finish. The Buffalo Bills are 4-1.
The Buffalo Bills, in their next five games, have the Dolphins twice and the Redskins once.

Speaker 2 Okay, so that's three losses.

Speaker 1 The Buffalo Bills are going to be, at worst, 7-3 going in to week 11. I love it.
I love it. I fucking love it.

Speaker 2 The NFL is better when Buffalo is a very good football team. And I'm a little bit concerned for the people of Buffalo because they're getting really amped up.

Speaker 2 They had like a going-away party for the team at the airport today.

Speaker 1 Yeah. They are all in there, pot committed on this one.

Speaker 2 And I like it. I like that Josh Allen is a big part of it.
Josh Allen, by the way. I like that Frank Gore is somehow still alive.

Speaker 1 We finally have our

Speaker 1 Vince Young quarterback, and in a good way, the chill out in the first half, go the fuck off in the second half quarterback of the NFL. And that's Josh Allen.

Speaker 1 Because if Josh Allen needs to score you points late in a game, Josh Allen's going to get you those points by hook or by crook. He's going to do it.

Speaker 2 And I fucking love watching him play.

Speaker 1 And the Bills are 4-1. I'm so happy for the city of Buffalo.
On the other side, the Titans. We got the bad Titans this week.
Now, yeah, because they were favorites.

Speaker 1 If the Titans are favorites, they're going to be bad. If they're underdogs, they're going to be good.
Mike Rabel's our guy. Coach Rabel is a great coach.

Speaker 1 One piece of advice: when you stand out in the rain with a mustache, a mustache looks really bad when wet. It's sadder.
It's like this,

Speaker 1 I'm

Speaker 1 a mustachioed man. I know that

Speaker 1 when I get poured on by the rain, I look a million times sadder, like gross.

Speaker 1 Scarier, more like scarier.

Speaker 1 When everyone looks at you, you're like, are you okay, man? Like, you got a wet mustache.

Speaker 2 It looks like your mouth's crying.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I've seen that look on you.

Speaker 2 It's not good. It's not.
On the other hand, it was kind of like that movie, what's the one with John Cusack standing out holding the boombox over his head? Did I say anything?

Speaker 1 Stay by me.

Speaker 2 Stay

Speaker 1 on the usual software.

Speaker 1 High fidelity.

Speaker 2 Okay, John Cusack. High fidelity.
Yeah, we're going to go with the film.

Speaker 1 He was in the rain in high fidelity.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he was out there in the rain.

Speaker 2 Because in Tennessee, you can't have any speakers on the field when it's not raining because they'll blow up and catch fire.

Speaker 2 Marcus Mariota looked okay at times today, but he's just, he is the most boring quarterback in the NFL, the most boring starting quarterback in the NFL.

Speaker 1 Well, his offensive line didn't do him any favors. And let's do our,

Speaker 1 we do this every single week. You guys know this segment that we do.
It's called Read a Random Quote. We do it all the time.
We've been doing it since the inception of this show.

Speaker 1 For four years, we've been doing Read a Random Quote. So I'm going to read a random quote.
Go for it. This one's from

Speaker 1 Jordan Phillips, who had three sacks.

Speaker 1 I was really happy Luan came back today. I'm glad he could be part of that today.
Shaq Lawson said another random quote, talking about Taylor Luan. We knew what his weakness was.

Speaker 1 He gives up inside moves, and this was an inside game. He's a fake, tough guy.
He was quiet today.

Speaker 1 That was read a random quote.

Speaker 2 Well, we should probably also give some, like, we should give a couple seconds to talking about their kicking game. Yeah, because

Speaker 2 they did miss a shitload of field goals. And then Vrabel, just in the ultimate football guy move, was like, okay, you've missed three already.
I'm going to send you out there to kick a 53-yarder.

Speaker 2 And then he missed it by about a school bust to the left.

Speaker 1 Honestly, the way the Titans are built, where it's defense and you don't know which Marcus Mariotta you're going to get, I would trade a first-round pick for Justin Tucker. Okay.

Speaker 1 She's like, we're going to win games with field goals.

Speaker 1 Field goals are more valuable to a team like the Titans than every other team in the NFL.

Speaker 2 Sabermetrically, they're worth four. Right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, I agree.

Speaker 2 But if you're the Ravens, would you give up Justin Tucker for a first-rounder?

Speaker 1 Yes. For a first-rounder? You would? Yeah.
First-rounder?

Speaker 5 Finding a kicker is hard.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we'll get to that, Hank. But yeah, first rounder, I think I would.
I think I would.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was read a random quote. Okay, that's interesting.

Speaker 2 So they were all about Taylor Luand.

Speaker 1 That was totally random. He came back.
Glad to have him back.

Speaker 2 Got it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so

Speaker 1 this was the other game that the Red Zone forgot. We just never saw it.

Speaker 2 Never saw a second or third score. But for three scores, actually, they did show

Speaker 2 Cairo Santos missing his last field goal. Right.
And they only cut to that because they're like, holy shit, he's missed three, and they're having him try this one. Golden Sombrero watch.

Speaker 5 Would you're same logic apply for Josh Allen, though, with the running around? Like,

Speaker 5 he would scare the shit out of me if I was a Buffalo fan.

Speaker 1 Oh, yes, absolutely. When he gets out,

Speaker 1 it's the same thing.

Speaker 2 He got Lamar Jackson.

Speaker 5 He got smoked just as bad as he did in the Patriots game. Same shit, not looking.

Speaker 1 He's absolutely crushed. Running quarterbacks are very...

Speaker 1 Like, it's not science. It's hard for them to stay healthy because they're just going to get smoked and they're getting hit by guys that are faster and stronger.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I would absolutely be scared if I were a Bills fan watching Josh Allen throw off.
I would be excited, but I'd also be scared.

Speaker 2 If he gets hurt, they're just going to bring him, they're going to bring back Tyree Jackson because he's the exact same size as Josh Allen, and they're going to run the exact same plays that they run for Josh.

Speaker 2 Or T-Mobile. That's actually a big part.

Speaker 2 A big part of being a backup quarterback in the NFL is just having the exact same body dimensions as your starter so that people kind of you look like a starter.

Speaker 2 You look like the guy I've been watching for the last five weeks. Right.

Speaker 1 That also is the perfect explanation when anyone wants to say Kaepernick doesn't know anyone's offense. Yes.

Speaker 2 Well, he doesn't know their offense. That's true.

Speaker 1 So, I mean, it makes sense, right?

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 Bears Raiders. Can we imagine if Buffalo got a home playoff game?

Speaker 1 We'll be there.

Speaker 2 Yes, absolutely. That's a guarantee.

Speaker 1 We'll be there. Saturday night?

Speaker 2 What if they gave him Saturday night? Wild cards.

Speaker 1 No, they can't because they're going to.

Speaker 2 I think the NFL would be negligible.

Speaker 1 They're idiots anyway. They're not going to win the AFC East.
So how would they get a home playoff game?

Speaker 2 They could if they won the AFC East.

Speaker 1 Okay, so they're going to win the AFC East.

Speaker 2 They might.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 And if the Patriots get a buy, couldn't they potentially get one in that position?

Speaker 5 No, because they would be a wild card and they'd have to play it. All right, yeah.
It was fun while it lasted.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, maybe we were a couple good seconds there. Well, no.
If they, okay,

Speaker 1 they're the fifth seed, and they go to the AFC Championship game, and the sixth seed also goes. Okay, there it is.
There we go. Okay, done.
Problem solved. Texans, Bills.

Speaker 2 In the AFC Championship game.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 All right. Bears-Raiders.

Speaker 2 Yes, let's talk about Bears Raiders.

Speaker 1 I just wrote down, I'm sad.

Speaker 2 I know you're upset about this, Big Cat.

Speaker 1 I'm very upset.

Speaker 2 Going to London and expecting to win with Chase Daniel, you shouldn't be that disappointed. Good point.

Speaker 1 But it doesn't count when you have to go to London with a backup quarterback. Exactly.

Speaker 2 Like, you can have Chase Daniel win you a couple games, but you can't expect him to go to a different country and win a game.

Speaker 2 But focus on just being at home.

Speaker 1 There was the post-game poll on, I think it was Comcast Sportsnet in Chicago, and it was like,

Speaker 1 you need Mitch back. Keep going with Chase Daniel.
Then there was an option, Tyler Bray time, and it had 65% of the votes. That's shit brave.
So the parody of the Chicago Bears season continues.

Speaker 1 We're just going to keep going down the line of quarterbacks.

Speaker 1 But that guy, the new backup.

Speaker 2 England is not meant for guys named Chase. We were a little hard on guys named Chase earlier.
There are things that you can do if you're a Chase.

Speaker 2 One of them is definitely not going to England and winning a football game. That's like, it's like Jared Goff in Minnesota.

Speaker 2 This right, like a chase cannot succeed if you need a passport for him to succeed.

Speaker 1 This was the roller coaster of all roller coasters because at halftime, I said to myself, I gave myself the entire speech of, why are you so dumb?

Speaker 1 Why did you think this Bears team could do anything without an offense? You're so stupid to get your hopes up. Like, you just stopped caring about sports.

Speaker 1 Then they came all the way back, and I was like, we were never going to to lose to the Raiders. All in.
And then you can't give up a

Speaker 1 fake punt and still win a game. And once you stop them once mentally, and then Derek Carr goes down the field.

Speaker 1 And listen, the Bears have a bye, so I reserve the right to take back everything I'm about to say in two weeks when the Bears get ready for the next game.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 2 the Bears are fucked.

Speaker 1 I don't think they're in the fucking fucking fucking future.

Speaker 2 I don't think they're fucked for the future.

Speaker 1 We've gone all in.

Speaker 1 And we have no offense, and the schedule is going to be insanely hard coming up. And they are not a well-balanced team.
And you can't expect the defense to be incredible every single week.

Speaker 1 And the Bears are officially fucked.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 Mr. Risky draft is now the Sam Bowie draft.

Speaker 2 No, you don't want to say that.

Speaker 1 You're going to regret it saying that I'm saying that. Watching Patrick Mahomes or Rashaun Watson.
People are fucking photoshopping Patrick Mahomes in a Bears jersey and sending it to me.

Speaker 2 Which would you rather have? A quarterback with a sprained ankle, which is worse than a break, a lot of people say. True.
Or a quarterback with a non-throwing shoulder injury.

Speaker 1 Hey, here's a spin zone. Interesting.
Here's a spin zone.

Speaker 2 I would take the guy that's still got a good wing.

Speaker 1 Mitch's job is safe because Chase Daniel's not the guy. And we did this exact same thing.

Speaker 1 But Bray. But we did this exact same thing last year where Chase Daniel won a game.
in Detroit and then went to New York and lost. And we're like, wait, he's not the guy.

Speaker 2 In addition to this being a London asterisk, it's also a John Gruden revenge game against himself asterisk

Speaker 2 for trading away Khalil Mack.

Speaker 1 Let me be something.

Speaker 2 He had something to prove in that.

Speaker 5 And the pick that he got back had three touchdowns.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's a good point.

Speaker 2 Also, Big Hat, the Raiders beat the Falcons, and the Falcons beat the Eagles, and the Eagles beat the Packers. So, ipso facto, you guys are better than the Packers.

Speaker 1 I'm going to say some nice things about the Raiders because they deserve it. It is impressive what John Gruden is doing.

Speaker 1 That's two wins last week against the Colts, this week against the Bears that I didn't see coming. And he had every right to mock Club Dub in the post-game.

Speaker 1 I think this is like when you get your turnover chain snatched. I think Club Dub is dead.

Speaker 2 Because John Gruden said, You gotta have a discount.

Speaker 1 You have to do something new. If you get mocked, if you lose and get mocked of your fun thing, I think you have to move on to the next level.

Speaker 2 I think John Gruden just lives his entire life in a club dub. He's just always pumped about everything.
So anytime a football game's over, he's going to be dancing celebrate.

Speaker 2 He probably took the Hooters airplane all the way over to London. He's probably having a blast flying back right now.

Speaker 1 It didn't help that we went straight from the Bears game right into the Packers, just dominating the Cowboys. But anyway, it was a bad Sunday.

Speaker 1 Where's the panic button?

Speaker 1 I'm panicking.

Speaker 1 Like I said, I reserve the right to change my opinion on all of this in two weeks when I know that I'll get myself excited and say the Bears are back and fire off a bunch of tweets how awesome they are.

Speaker 1 But as we sit right now, I'm in full panic mode. I'm in full.

Speaker 1 Do we have to start rebuilding again?

Speaker 2 I don't think you have to rebuild anything.

Speaker 1 It's a disaster.

Speaker 2 I think you need to take a chill pill.

Speaker 2 Well, when you lose Rachel, I'm going to write your prescription for a chill pill right now, Big Cat. You can't lose the cat.

Speaker 2 You're flying off the handle, and it's way too early to get suicidal, Big Cat.

Speaker 2 I need your expectations.

Speaker 2 From a selfish standpoint, I need you to be thinking NFC championship game for as long as possible throughout the season. Tyler Bray.

Speaker 1 Let's go. Let's go.

Speaker 1 I'm all in on Tyler Bray.

Speaker 2 He wasn't that bad in college. Bray Bray.
Bray Bray. Let's go.

Speaker 1 Let's go, Tyler. You got this, bro.

Speaker 1 Okay, next up, we have Vikings, Giants. Yes.
Holy shit. Kirk Cousins just did it again.

Speaker 2 This was you, motherfucker. I think we penciled this in as a Kirk Cousins game, where he was going to get right.
He was going to get right. It's a perfect Kirk Cousins game, the apology bowl.

Speaker 2 He said he was sorry to Adam Thielen. We all knew that you were sorry, quarterback, Kirk Cousins.

Speaker 2 Now Adam Thielen knows, and everyone knew that he was going to throw multiple touchdowns to him to make sure that he's happy, give him a little pat on the head. He played the perfect game.

Speaker 1 Yeah. The perfect Kirk Cousins game.
You are, Kirk Cousins. You're good.
You're really good. And I don't mean good as a quarterback.
I mean you're good in the fact that

Speaker 1 whenever everyone says you stink, you throw in a good performance against a bad opponent. And everyone says, ooh, Kirk Cousins.

Speaker 2 Not bad.

Speaker 2 This was also a game for Mike Zimmer that he was going to go into just like ready to fucking blast off because he hates anyone that's getting a lot of media attention, especially if you're a quarterback.

Speaker 2 And Daniel Jones has been getting crowned. And Mike Zimmer, first of all, he hates his own quarterbacks.

Speaker 2 He would would prefer the game where played without quarterbacks because they take the good parking spots. They don't chew red man.
Triple option.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he would like to go back to like the West Point offense of 1941.

Speaker 2 But going against Daniel Jones, who's been getting a lot of rookie accolades, he came into this game just being like, you know what?

Speaker 2 This kid might look like my ideal son-in-law, but this kid should not be getting all this press. I'm going to beat the shit out of him.

Speaker 1 I have a bone to pick with Daniel Jones. Now, I'm not going to put this game on him because that was just a...
You knew that he was going to have a rookie game eventually,

Speaker 1 and he has no one around him. Saquon Barkley didn't play his,

Speaker 1 what's the other guy's name? Coleman? Yeah, he got hurt.

Speaker 1 He had no one. Like, he was, the Vikings' defense is still very good, and they had a good game plan.

Speaker 1 Daniel Jones, if he's going to be the heir apparent to Eli Manning, he's got to work on his dumbface.

Speaker 1 He kept his mouth closed. That's sad.
Open that mouth, dude. I don't know what, like, I was trying to get a screen grab of him off the TV.
He just wouldn't open his mouth.

Speaker 1 So he sat there like a normal person with his mouth closed, disappointed in himself. Dude, we need these pictures.
This is what fans need.

Speaker 1 We need you to walk around with your mouth wide open looking dumb if you want to be the New York Giants quarterback.

Speaker 2 Also, you need to stand directly next to Eli Manning more. Yes.
Because we need more of those sideline screen grabs where people are like, hey, are they related?

Speaker 2 Because it's just so funny to see like, okay, this is just young Eli standing next to old Eli. And you're right.
People always say, like, I wish closed minds came with closed mouths.

Speaker 2 Well, you got your wish in Daniel Jones. Yes.
And I agree. I'd like to see him look dumber.

Speaker 2 He looks dumber in his pre-game walk-up, which has become one of the sweetest traditions in sports, is to film Daniel Jones walking in to the Meadowlands wearing whatever Cole's, like, two-for-20 shirt that he got off the rack earlier that day.

Speaker 2 I love those shots. I need more of them.
But he needs to work on his sideline dumbness. Yes.

Speaker 1 It's not up to par yet. But yeah, I mean, I'm not going to hold it.
I really won't hold this game against him because it's just it was going to happen. And he, and guess what? The

Speaker 1 Giants, we have a lot of Giants fans in this office, and they obviously get very hyped up and sold themselves on, hey, maybe the Giants will make some noise.

Speaker 1 They have ultimately a very flawed roster, and they were not, they're not, they're not good

Speaker 1 overall, like talent-wise.

Speaker 2 Have we played the name Giants game yet to see how many wins they're going to get?

Speaker 1 Yeah, we could do it. Go.
Golden Tate, Saquon Barkley, Daniel Jones,

Speaker 1 Sterling Shepherd,

Speaker 1 Eli Apple got traded.

Speaker 2 Okay, so that's four.

Speaker 1 Landon Collins got let go. Yeah,

Speaker 1 Evan Ingram. Yep.
Gallman. Good one.
I said Gallman. Okay.
Penny.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Penny.

Speaker 2 I think we've settled on about five to six wins for the Giants.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's about it. That's all I got.

Speaker 1 Okay. The other New York team, Jets Eagles.

Speaker 2 Well, to be fair, Adams.

Speaker 2 Falk didn't get any of the reps this week with the ones because

Speaker 2 he thought Darnold would be back.

Speaker 1 Adam Geese. Adam Geese is going to get fired.

Speaker 2 Got some spleening to do on that one.

Speaker 1 He's got some spleening to do. Yeah, that would be tie.

Speaker 2 On what planet do you just give Sam Darnold all the reps in practice and then give him the spleen test on the weekend afterwards?

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 Or

Speaker 1 how about just lie and say that you gave Luke Falk all the, you know, like, you know, I think the media gets to sit in there for 20 minutes before they start going.

Speaker 1 Just have Luke Falk do all the first-team reps for those 20 minutes just so that you don't look as dumb as you look when you had your third-string quarterback go into a game in Philadelphia with zero first-team reps this week.

Speaker 2 Yeah, or just make out with Sam Darnell at the start of the week, see if you're symptomatic by the weekend. And if you're not, then boom, he gets the ball.

Speaker 1 Here's something nice about the Jets. They scored their first offensive touchdown since week one.

Speaker 2 That's really nice about them.

Speaker 1 I had to read that twice when I saw that.

Speaker 2 That's really nice. You know what's been tough this year is watching Mike Greenberg just slowly fold into himself.
Just acknowledging the fact that his team...

Speaker 2 This is really the first time in a long time that I think Greene has accepted his fate to the point where he's saying, should we just trade L'Avion Bell?

Speaker 1 Yeah, they should.

Speaker 2 Should we just get rid of him?

Speaker 1 And they're going to fire Adam Gase. I honestly think they will fire him.
I don't think so. After one year, yes.

Speaker 1 I mean, the Cardinals did it last year.

Speaker 1 Him or Gruten. It didn't last longer.
Oh, Gruten's

Speaker 2 gone.

Speaker 2 Jay Gruden might be gone by the time you're listening to this right now. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Is Jay Gruden going to go be like a quality control coach for the Raiders?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 2 I don't think him and John like each other.

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't want to get a moderate.

Speaker 2 I think that Jay is the Blake of the Gruden family where he's a little bit more chill. He's got the man boobs popping out a little bit, likes to smoke the dope, as we've seen.

Speaker 2 I don't think that John approves of Jay's freewheeling lifestyle.

Speaker 1 All right, so we got to.

Speaker 2 If we're going to hit on chicks, it should be within the confines of a breastaurant.

Speaker 1 We'll do that game in a a second. I just had one more point about the Eagles Jets game.
So the Eagles look great. You can't judge anything off of the Jets, but they're starting to round into form.

Speaker 1 This also was

Speaker 1 the annual Mike Trout goes to an Eagles game in early October. Yep.

Speaker 2 That's not a shot at Mike Trout. No, it's not.

Speaker 1 But he always goes to an Eagles game in early October.

Speaker 2 When he could be playing baseball, theoretically.

Speaker 1 There is baseball being played, but Mike Trout's at the Eagles.

Speaker 2 He looks. Mike Trout.

Speaker 1 Again, not a shot at Mike Trout. He's the MVP.
He's the best player in baseball. But he's always at the Eagles like week six.

Speaker 2 I got to say, I like how they labeled him at the bottom of the screen because Mike Trout, I don't know if he's getting heavier or if he's just entering the phase of his life where he looks like a bouncer out of Mumford in some concert, but

Speaker 2 he looked like a bully. Yeah.
He's like a grade school bully.

Speaker 2 He's a Doyle.

Speaker 1 He morphed back into Philly Mike Trout. Yeah.
Orange County Mike Trout, Philly Mike Trout.

Speaker 2 He should get the Philly Fanatic's nose tattooed around his little butt chin dimple that he has.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to tell Mike Trout what he should and shouldn't do, but if I were Mike Trout, I'd go on a vacation for a couple weeks before I went to the Eagles game.

Speaker 1 I'd make sure I didn't go to the very first Eagles game on the schedule, home Eagles game on the schedule as soon as the season ended.

Speaker 2 Oh, he probably bought those tickets back in May.

Speaker 1 He's like, I got nothing

Speaker 1 that week. We'll win that one.
I got to get to that one. Yeah, I'd probably wait till November to start going to Eagles games.
That's just me.

Speaker 1 All right, so Redskins, Patriots.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 1 The Redskins had the first lead against the Patriots of any team this year. Yeah, how about that? How about that?

Speaker 2 And I was thinking for a second that the blueprint was out to beating the Patriots.

Speaker 1 Just have a 65-yard run where the Patriots missed like four tackles?

Speaker 2 I thought actually Bill Belichick was putting out a fake blueprint because that's something that Bill would do is

Speaker 2 give up a very bad first quarter, maybe even first half to an inferior team so that other teams later think that they know how to beat you. But he's just laying that out as rat poison.

Speaker 2 It's like, boy, I sure hope other teams don't try starting their third-string quarterback against us and having their head coach caught smoking weed the night before the game.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 let's talk about those videos. Those videos have been around forever.
What videos? We've seen them. Jay Gruden having a good time in Saratoga, New York in the summer of 2017.

Speaker 1 When did they come out, though? Weirdly, so we saw them two years ago.

Speaker 1 They weirdly came out

Speaker 1 right after Jay Gruden announced that Colt McCoy was going to start and not Bruce Allen and Dan Snyder's boy, Dwayne Haskins.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and the week after he stuck it to Bruce Allen by putting Dwayne Haskins in the game to show him that he wasn't good. I'll say this about Dan Snyder.
He is excellent at undermining coaches.

Speaker 2 This is his bread and butter.

Speaker 2 He can suck at everything else that he does, but he is awesome at taking a guy who's calling plays or calling bingo numbers in a fucking old folks community, bringing them in to undermine the head coach.

Speaker 2 People forget about that one. He's great at undermining his head coach by

Speaker 2 taking offensive strategy notes from your starting quarterback's dad. He'll do that.

Speaker 1 That happened.

Speaker 2 I mean, the list could really go on, but this is a classic play out of the Snyder and Bruce Allen playbook. And credit to us for not leaking these videos two years ago.

Speaker 1 Yes, credit to us to the point where I think they even knew. I mean, Jay Gruden knew that they existed, and he probably knew eventually they're going to just try to put these out.
And you know what?

Speaker 1 I don't see how they're bad other than maybe the fact that Jay Gruden's married, whatever.

Speaker 6 But otherwise, he's just a party boy.

Speaker 2 He He wasn't kissing anybody.

Speaker 6 It was a party boy. He's a party boy.

Speaker 1 Saratoga, you've been to Saratoga in the summer? It's a party atmosphere.

Speaker 2 The best was the one where he was smoking something and then he saw somebody videotape. He was like, come on.

Speaker 1 And the guy was like, Jay, Jay, Jay, just to really make sure that everyone knew that it was Jay Gruden.

Speaker 2 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so I actually won't hold these videos against him whatsoever, just like the Daniel Jones performance.

Speaker 1 It's the not holding anything against anyone podcast.

Speaker 2 I'm not judging. In fact, I think that Jay Gruden is about to be in for the next, like the best month of his life.
He's going to be gone.

Speaker 1 He's going to be gone by the time this part.

Speaker 2 The best part. The Redskins are like a boat.
Have you ever heard that old saying where it's like, the best day of your life is when you get the keys to the Redskins. Yes.

Speaker 2 And the second best day of your life is the day you give them back. Yes.
And you get the hell out of there and you get to move on. You get to go.

Speaker 2 Yeah, maybe you'll go be a quality control guy in Vegas.

Speaker 1 It's so ridiculous, though, that they basically, Bruce Allen and Dan Snyder release these videos just trying to get Jay Gruden fired and not having to pay him.

Speaker 1 I don't think you cannot pay a coach because he had a little fun in the summer when he wasn't on the clock.

Speaker 2 Because he's smoking weed. Yeah, I think, yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm not ecstatic about firing Jay Gruden. He's going to get fired.
He's going to get fired. He's going to be fired.

Speaker 2 But then I start to think: what are the options for replacing him? Yeah. What are the options if we're going down the list? Dwayne Haskins.
Dwayne Haskins as head coach/slash backup quarterback.

Speaker 1 Joe Gibbs. Bring him back one more time.

Speaker 2 I don't think that's going to happen. Third time.

Speaker 2 I think Joe Gibbs made the right call in getting the hell out of the business. Steve Spurrier.

Speaker 1 Steve Spurry. Tell Tell you what.
He doesn't have a job.

Speaker 2 Steve, you can coach from home. Yes.
It'll be like a remote. Do you have a dial-up connection? Good enough for us.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay. I have two questions for you.
Just Skype in at halftime.

Speaker 1 PFT, I have two questions for you.

Speaker 1 See Geek questions. Promo code take.
Put in code take. You get $10 off.

Speaker 7 See Geek.

Speaker 1 Thank you to SeatGeek.

Speaker 1 One.

Speaker 1 When are the Redskins going to actually do a reasonable thing as an NFL franchise and trade Trent Williams and Ryan Kerrigan?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, Trent Williams, so he hasn't played on the team at all this year. Right.
He says he won't play. And they've been offered multiple friends.

Speaker 2 This is just a game of chicken, is what it is. It's just who's going to blink first.
And Dan Snyder is so coked up that he never blinks.

Speaker 1 Does he realize they have zero wins? Does he realize that you should be tanking, actively tanking now and trading all assets?

Speaker 2 Well, what you don't understand, Big Cat, is that Dan Snyder's best friends are the players that he's drafted.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 2 They're his best homies. He hangs out with them a ton.
They're just all cool. And they all love him and respect him.
So he couldn't stand to do that to Trent Williams and get rid of him. Okay, two.

Speaker 2 I like Ryan Kerrigan, by the way. I think Ryan Kerrigan.

Speaker 1 No, I know, but he should be set free. Yes, he should.

Speaker 2 And this is what being a Redskins fan is. This is what I live for: having the players that I like on the team that I root for go somewhere else and be successful.
Right. That's my personal superb.

Speaker 1 They should set him free. Let him play for a contender.
Two.

Speaker 1 You guys are playing the Dolphins. Was it next week? Two weeks? Next week? Next week.

Speaker 2 The Toilet Bowl.

Speaker 1 If the Redskins lose to the Dolphins,

Speaker 2 do you draft Tua? Well, it's a game. Yes, I think you have to.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 they won't.

Speaker 2 And I like Dwayne Haskins.

Speaker 1 He's one of those guys.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, he's not ready, very obviously.

Speaker 1 I would like Tua a lot more.

Speaker 2 Listen, what's going to happen is Bruce Allen and Dan Snyder will not draft Tua.

Speaker 2 They'll trade down, and giving the Redskins more first-round draft picks to screw up without somebody that knows what they're doing around is actually the the worst thing they could do.

Speaker 1 The Josh Rosen, Kyler Murray, is the blueprint for it. You draft Tua.
If you are the number one pick and you're the Redskins, you draft Tua. You have to.
And they won't, but you have to.

Speaker 1 Hank, because your team is part of this, the Patriots,

Speaker 1 scale of zero, one to 10, how concerned are you about your kicker?

Speaker 5 Very concerned.

Speaker 1 It's bad.

Speaker 5 It's also very, like, writing on the wall. The Patriots are firing on all cylinder except for one aspect of the game that's like basically impossible to control for Belichick.

Speaker 2 But Kuskowski's not on the team anymore. The Super Bowl is in Miami.
Kuskowski can't kick in Miami.

Speaker 1 Mike Nugent is the one who got the worst. Now you got the nuge.
Cat scratch fever.

Speaker 5 I have no confidence with Mike Newguille.

Speaker 1 Trey Wingley.

Speaker 2 Did he really? Yes.

Speaker 1 Just the name.

Speaker 2 He sounds

Speaker 1 like a 50-year-old.

Speaker 5 Mike Nugent sounds like he's been in the league for 25 years. Yeah, he has pretty much.

Speaker 1 He's been around. Bengals? He was a chance.

Speaker 2 He was one of those guys that I think he went to the Bengals just because he played at Ohio State. Yeah.
And they're like, oh, he's a local guy.

Speaker 2 He'll fit in. He doesn't have to look for an apartment.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I mean, it's fine for the regular season, but once you get into the playoffs, every play matters. And that's where it's like, okay, fuck.

Speaker 1 Hey, Hank.

Speaker 5 We've got a few weeks to figure it out.

Speaker 1 As someone who's kind of just lived that, the kicking problems don't go away. They somehow get worse.

Speaker 2 Also, having a bad kicker is a good thing.

Speaker 1 Why is getting a kicker so hard? I don't know. It's crazy.

Speaker 1 It's crazy.

Speaker 2 They're really great scapegoats, though. So it's almost worth it having a shitty kicker.

Speaker 1 No, it's still not worth it. You think

Speaker 2 that's on the bubble.

Speaker 5 You would think having kids on scholarship in college that, like, for four years, they're just kicking all day long.

Speaker 1 Gold posts are wise. This is why I actually, you know what? Justin Tucker's worth two first-rounders.

Speaker 2 Now that we've had this conversation. Justin Tucker for Jalen Ramsey straight up.

Speaker 1 He never misses. He never misses.

Speaker 1 Okay, next up, we have.

Speaker 2 He did miss that extra point against the Saints. Remember that?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He nearly switched it over.

Speaker 5 Once they moved the extra point back, like kickers.

Speaker 1 It got in all their heads. Yeah, absolutely.
It's like not being able to see a couple balls go through the hoop. Like, they didn't get a couple free throws to be like, okay, I can still shoot.

Speaker 1 And now they just miss everything.

Speaker 2 Did you see Dan Snyder evacuating the stadium right after the game? No. So

Speaker 2 right after the game's over, I'm talking within minutes. He hopped into a convoy of black SUVs and sped through the concourse at FedEx Field.

Speaker 2 He's got like his own highway that he built for himself to get out of there after the games.

Speaker 2 Usually he sticks around for a little bit, probably gets drunk and thinks about what he's going to screw up next. This time, he immediately hopped in his car and they sped out.

Speaker 1 He had to go to the Nats game.

Speaker 2 Natitude. It looked like a scene.
That's right. That's probably where all the DC fans were today, by the way.
Not at the game. Right.
They were waiting for Natitude.

Speaker 2 But it looked like a scene at a House of Cards where you're just seeing this big government

Speaker 1 do that.

Speaker 2 We can't say House of Cards anymore. I mean, I'd rather have Kevin Spacey as the owner of my team than Dan Steiner.

Speaker 1 Okay, next up we have Jaguars, Panthers.

Speaker 1 Do you

Speaker 1 think that the Jaguars should trade Nick Foles?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Is this you fishing to see if it's possible to get him on the Bears?

Speaker 1 No, I'm not.

Speaker 1 I think Gardner Minshew has to be fishing. Yes, yes, I don't know.
No, no, no, no. I think you have to be our quarterback.

Speaker 2 Because here's Rex is our quarterback. This is such a classic dilemma for any team that has Nick Foles on it because he's never going to look like he's better.
Ever. Right.

Speaker 2 It doesn't matter who he's competing against. Gardner Minshew just looks like he's better.
Or if they're naked.

Speaker 2 That's very, very true. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But Gardner Minshew.

Speaker 2 In fully clothed, or at least in a jockstrap and armbands, Gardner Minshew looks looks like a winner. Nick Foles looks like a loser.

Speaker 1 I just seen enough that, yeah, he had a few costly fumbles today, but even at the end of the game, I was like, he's going to do this.

Speaker 1 And they somehow kept on getting penalties and getting closer and closer. But Gardner Minshew, and we're just talking cost now.
You control him for, what, the next four years, six-round picks.

Speaker 1 So I don't think you can do the whole like fifth-year bump and everything, but still, you could then build around the next three years, Gardner Minshew on the cheap, and be like, we can do this.

Speaker 2 I think that a guy like Jalen Ramsey would be more likely to stick around, too, with Gardner Minshew. Because if you have a guy like...

Speaker 1 Did he play?

Speaker 2 No, he was in Houston today. Oh, my God.
Hanging out with Deshaun Watson after the game. Oh, my gosh.
That made sense.

Speaker 2 I guess he's still on paternity leave, which is fine, which is fine. Right.
I think that as a father. Be careful.
As a father in America, you should be allowed to take all the time.

Speaker 1 You know a dad.

Speaker 2 I know some of my best friends are dads.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm right here. Yeah.
You can do as long as you want.

Speaker 2 You did, how long was your, like six hours?

Speaker 1 Yeah, six hours with the paternity leave, and you got right back behind the microphone.

Speaker 2 I'm not saying he's a better dad than you.

Speaker 1 No, has he even had the kid?

Speaker 2 I just want to say that.

Speaker 1 I don't know if he's had the kid.

Speaker 2 Who knows?

Speaker 1 I don't think he has. I think he went pre-paternity leave.

Speaker 2 He's just like, you know what? She's really pregnant.

Speaker 1 And he's not even with her. She's having a hard time.

Speaker 2 She's having a hard time getting around the house.

Speaker 2 But he's in the same time zone, Adjer.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 2 That's a good story for text messaging. Also, a little knock on Minshew here.
He had, what, three fumbles today or four fumbles? Three. Little case of fumble ice.
Yes.

Speaker 2 I looked up his hand measurements. Uh-oh.
10 and a quarter. So they're good.

Speaker 2 They were the second biggest in his entire draft class.

Speaker 2 So that's good. I think maybe it's because he hit his hand with a hammer.
That probably made them swell up and get bigger, actually.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and Kyle Allen's doing just good enough to keep the Panthers afloat, and Christian McCaffrey is incredible.

Speaker 2 Four games with 175 yards plus from scrimmage.

Speaker 1 He's incredible. He really is.
And I mean,

Speaker 1 we said this last week, but Ron Rivera has his perfect team in the fact that he can just play some defense and just give Christian McCaffrey 40 touches a game and take years off his life so that they can maybe go 9-7 and miss the wild card.

Speaker 1 Yeah, here you go, Christian.

Speaker 2 You're going to touch the ball 40 times and Luke, you're going to get 40 tackles. And that's how we're going to play Technology.

Speaker 1 And we're not going to go to the playoffs.

Speaker 2 But they're winning.

Speaker 1 They are.

Speaker 2 And Cam Newton's at home. Now, is it start? Do we have to ask?

Speaker 1 Cam Newton comes back.

Speaker 2 What do we do there?

Speaker 2 He's probably enjoying this, though. Cam Newton seems like a guy that would root on his team from home.
He's wearing his, he unbuttons his corset a little bit. He's sending hieroglyphic.

Speaker 2 Wipes his brow with his fedora.

Speaker 1 Kyle Allen.

Speaker 2 I hope that he gets dressed up for games that he's going to be able to do.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what has he been doing? With his...

Speaker 1 Has he been getting dressed up? I assume that he has.

Speaker 1 If he hasn't, it would be actually funny if he comes back and he's like, hey, guys, haven't seen you in a while, like to the reporters and does a costume change like four times, like quick change.

Speaker 1 The halftime guy, he does a quick change

Speaker 2 during the post-game being like hey i have to get a few fits off here i'm looking at pictures of cam newton recently it looks like he actually hasn't been on instagram so he is off the radar right i assume you can't just turn that off if you're if you're a guy that wears like a uh a burqa you have to you on game day you have to do that when you're not playing two yes yes uh okay next up we have falcons texans My pinky is so fucking safe.

Speaker 1 Do I need to do another pinky team? I don't want to attempt it. No, I think

Speaker 2 this is part of the deal. These are the game.

Speaker 1 This should be continued next year.

Speaker 2 This was a Matt Schaub revenge game.

Speaker 1 Yes. It was a pinky revenge game.
It was a Matt Schaub revenge game.

Speaker 2 And it's funny that you chose the Falcons as this year's pinky team because they are like the generic prescription version of the Texans. Right.
In every way, shape, and form. Yes.

Speaker 2 Except the Texans now have an MVP candidate quarterback, whereas the Falcons used to. When did he get drafted? Deshaun Watson? Yeah.
Three years ago?

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Ready for this Arthur Blank quote?

Speaker 2 Yeah, who else got drafted three years ago?

Speaker 1 Arthur Blank.

Speaker 2 Oh, Pat Mahomes. That's right.

Speaker 1 Arthur Blank. He's disappointed but supports Dan Quinn.

Speaker 1 You're dead. You know what? You're dead.

Speaker 2 Do you just fucking realize right now? Why can't you be a winner, Dan? Because Dank Wynn is like a really cool.

Speaker 2 You can put that on t-shirts. He's dead.

Speaker 1 As soon as the owner says, but I support my coach, it's over, dude.

Speaker 2 It's over. Especially if you have Arthur Blank just like hovering hovering behind you like a ghost all the time.

Speaker 1 You can't have a, but I support my coach. That means that's as clear as it is as day, you do not support your coach.
And you know what?

Speaker 1 Dan Quinn probably deserves to get fired because he's a defensive guy, and we found the recipe to keep Deshaun Watson safe. Just have him play the Atlanta Falcons every week.
It's not a bad idea.

Speaker 1 The Houston Texans have an awful offensive line. Deshaun Watson gets killed.
They did not sack him once. He threw five touchdowns.
He went absolutely off. You should be ashamed of yourself, Dan Quinn.

Speaker 1 You need to go back to Pete Carroll, back to Pete Carroll's little, like, you know, maybe have it be a kangaroo. He goes back into Pete Carroll's pouch.

Speaker 1 He learns his defense again, and then he comes back out a new man in three years.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you know what? We haven't had a good Pete Carroll defensive coordinator hire as a head coach in a while. Yes.
We're missing that element.

Speaker 2 It's all the pendulum has swung to the young, short, hot offensive coordinator.

Speaker 2 Let's bring it back to the old, bald, goateed defensive coordinator that looks kind of like he's seven points higher in IQ than a strength coach.

Speaker 1 He looks like he would be, he would play Mr. Kleene in a porno.

Speaker 1 So like Mr. Crean.
Just enough. Yeah, well, there you go.
Just enough. Hey, hey, your floors look a little dirty.

Speaker 2 Sorry, babe.

Speaker 1 I made a big mess.

Speaker 1 Did you know Deshaun Watson was a ballboy for the Falcons?

Speaker 2 I did not know that. That's fascinating.

Speaker 1 That's a fun fact.

Speaker 2 I'm issuing an alert to the Texans. Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 Tank, hit the alert noise.

Speaker 2 Hit the the alert noise, please. Thank you.

Speaker 2 That sounds like the new segment alert.

Speaker 1 But yeah, that's what this is.

Speaker 3 Alert is a new segment.

Speaker 2 And it's a can this team win in the cold alert to the Texans? Nope. And here's the only reason I bring it up: is that any team that scores 50 points in early October, 50 burger?

Speaker 2 I just have to say, can they win in the cold? Because, hey, the offense looks great right now. What about when it gets cold outside? No, they're like the Chiefs.

Speaker 1 Soft. Yep.
Soft.

Speaker 1 Soft.

Speaker 2 They don't run the ball in a traditional sense.

Speaker 2 They've got Deshaun Watson who can run for 70, 80, 90 yards. Right.
But they don't.

Speaker 1 They don't run it. They don't go.
They don't walk behind the guards.

Speaker 2 Are they afraid to go inside? Nope.

Speaker 1 Are they afraid to maul you?

Speaker 2 They don't look like a road grader. They don't look like much coming off the bus on their offensive line.

Speaker 2 The other thing that I had a note of is

Speaker 2 there's no player who's as aware of what's happening in local sports as J.J. Watt is.
No. About what's happening in Houston sports.
So whether it's like Garrett Cole pitched, twirled a gym these days.

Speaker 1 So we're going to talk baseball soon.

Speaker 2 Don't worry. And then he did like a fake pitch to like show to do an homage.
He did an Alex Bregman like chest tap to show him.

Speaker 2 Remember when the synergy. The synergy.
They had Bum Phillips when he passed away. He did the hat thing, the hat celebration.

Speaker 1 God damn, this guy gets it.

Speaker 2 He doesn't win in the playoffs. That's a little nod to Chris Paul.
He gets it.

Speaker 1 He gets it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he absolutely gets it. He understands the importance of acknowledging other good athletes.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 He understands.

Speaker 2 To the point where he's dating one.

Speaker 1 Like, yeah, yeah, hey,

Speaker 1 you guys watch sports, right? You're watching me right now. You probably watch other sports.
Let me do all these other sports things. And you know what?

Speaker 2 He nailed it. He absolutely nailed it.
Also, I love Deshaun Watson absolutely dunking on reporters post-game. This is a new thing.

Speaker 2 He didn't actually dunk on anybody, but he just explained in great detail the defense. We need to have

Speaker 2 in a more understandable way than Dan Quinn probably could.

Speaker 1 When's the Rams bye week? We need to have Sean McVay go and ask Deshaun Watson a question after a game. Be like, actually, that's not what happened.
And just have a dunk off.

Speaker 1 That's how they dunk on each other. Okay, before we get to our next one, we have two games left, and then we're going to get to some who's back.

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Speaker 1 Broncos Chargers.

Speaker 2 The other game that Red Zone somehow forgot about, despite the fact it was one of two games being played in the late slot. Yes.

Speaker 1 Vic Fangio. Claps for Vic.

Speaker 2 Vic Fangi won.

Speaker 1 And Brian Flores, you're on the clock.

Speaker 2 You're in trouble, dude. Good job, Vic.

Speaker 1 Vic won a game. And congrats.

Speaker 2 The defense was good.

Speaker 1 And the Chargers are done. I'm done with the Chargers.
They're my dungeon of the week.

Speaker 2 Oh, shit. Okay.
I wanted to actually say thank you to Anthony Lynn

Speaker 2 and say, apology accepted. He apologized to me personally and all fans for having to watch that damn game.
Yeah. So accountability.

Speaker 1 Are you cool with my dungeon? Yeah. They're done.
I put it on the Chargers.

Speaker 1 I'm done with...

Speaker 1 I used to buy into the Chargers hype. I used to say, oh, my God, look at all these weapons they have, and I love Phil Rivers.
I'm done with them. They can't, they'll never be what they think they are.

Speaker 2 They'll never be what I want them to be. Right.
They're like a son that's disappointed me over and over again.

Speaker 2 And finally, I'm just accepting the fact that, you know what, you're just going to be in my basement for a while and that's fine.

Speaker 1 Well, at this point, with the Phil Rivers late down late in the fourth quarter, late on a Sunday afternoon, which is a joke we've been making for a long time.

Speaker 1 It's now getting to the point where it's like you go to the same bar and then you look around and you're like,

Speaker 1 I'm kind of over over this.

Speaker 2 Time to move on.

Speaker 1 Phil Rivers, it's not funny anymore because it happens every single week, and it's sad every single week. Yeah, he throws the helmet, he's walking off after

Speaker 1 missed fourth down. Guys are fumbling, guys can't get to the end zone.
It's just the whole thing is sad. And you know what? I love you, Philip Rivers.

Speaker 1 That anecdote that we saw about the last time the Broncos and

Speaker 1 Chargers played in week 17 last year when he said, hey, he was trash talking to a guy, trash talking to someone who intercepted him. He said, hey, you mother freaker.
You got lucky, man.

Speaker 1 I didn't see you. I love your game, man.
You're a good player. He says, mother freaker.
Mother freaker. That's great.
I love you, Phil Rivers, but I have to quit you.

Speaker 2 There was one point during this game where he was just staring at the sun. The camera did a close-up on him.
He was just like observing the sun, eyes wide open.

Speaker 1 A big deep breath in through his nose.

Speaker 2 He's drinking it all in, man.

Speaker 1 I love you, Phil Rivers, but I have to quit you because I can't handle it anymore. I want success, and it's just never going to happen.
The Chargers are going to go 8-8.

Speaker 1 They're going to win a couple games. They'll win.
Look at their schedule.

Speaker 1 Hank, pull up their schedule. Do they have a Sunday night game against a team they shouldn't be?

Speaker 2 They're playing next week in primetime against the Steelers.

Speaker 1 Well, that one they should win. Yeah.
And they'll win that one. And because Duck will be playing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Duck will be playing. But who else do they have later in the season?

Speaker 5 They got the Chiefs.

Speaker 1 In primetime? Yep. Okay.

Speaker 5 815. And the Raiders at 820.

Speaker 1 Okay, so they'll beat the Chiefs.

Speaker 5 And the Vikings.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 that's an auto-win because it's Kirk Cousins again.

Speaker 2 That's going to be Kirk Cousins against a decent defense.

Speaker 1 So they'll beat the Chiefs in prime time, and everyone will say, look out for the Chargers. They're the team, and I'll be one of them saying that, and they just won't do it.

Speaker 2 They're probably going to lose to the Raiders. I'm done with that.

Speaker 2 I feel like they finished the Raiders when they should beat them. Yeah, tough break.
Chargers, Dunchain. Should I.

Speaker 2 I was going to put the Dunchain on.

Speaker 2 on the Bears, but I'm not going to.

Speaker 1 No. I'm not going to.

Speaker 2 I feel like that would be mean. We have a bye week.
That would be piling on.

Speaker 1 We're going to get it right. Speaking of.

Speaker 2 Get it right, get it tight. Bye weeks.
Let's say something nice about the Dolphins.

Speaker 1 Oh, they didn't lose. They didn't lose this week.

Speaker 2 Congratulations.

Speaker 1 Good job. And you have the Redskins, a winnable game

Speaker 1 coming up.

Speaker 2 No one got arrested during the bye week yet. That we know of.
That we know of. They might have.

Speaker 2 You haven't had an offensive line coach do cocaine on live feed, so that's good. This year.
This year.

Speaker 1 Okay, last game. Cowboys, Packers.

Speaker 1 Aaron Rodgers owns the Cowboys in Dallas. I saw his stat.
He's 5-0 in that building. And he did the thing where you can't have this if you're a team that wants to be taken seriously.

Speaker 1 And Aaron Rodgers said that he loves going there and he loves being there. And it's like the intimidation factor is at a zero.

Speaker 1 I feel like the Cowboys, every single time they have a home game against a marquee franchise, half the stadium's the other fans. And he, I think Aaron Rodgers is going to kill.
Skip Bayless. Yes.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Skip Bayless is freaking out, brought out the Mason crossbar tweets, obviously. And you're right.
He's not intimidated by the dome.

Speaker 2 He's not intimidated by Jerry Jones, who's a drunk owner that thinks that he knows more than all the coaches, because Aaron Rodgers is used to playing in front of 30,000 drunk owners that think that they know more than the coaches.

Speaker 2 Right. This is home away from home for him.
I think that one playoff win, if you win a game like that, where you have absolutely no business walking away with W, you feel entitled to that state.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he said, Skip Ellis said, I'm convinced Aaron Rodgers has some kind of hex over the Cowboys. Pins and voodoo dolls.
Question mark, question mark, question question mark.

Speaker 1 The Des catch, the Mason crossbar, cross-country field goals. Now this.

Speaker 2 Now this. This is right up here.

Speaker 1 How about this? Is just Dak Prescott didn't play very well, and your defense couldn't stop the run at all. And the Packers, it's unfair.
They basically are switching.

Speaker 1 Their defense wasn't that good today, but the fact that they have a running game now.

Speaker 2 I have a take. Aaron Jones had four touchdowns.
I have a take about this, about Dak Prescott. I think you should pay him right now.
I think that every week

Speaker 2 that you go without paying him is a week that he feels deep down inside like he doesn't deserve that contract.

Speaker 2 So if you give him his money, then he starts playing again like a guy that is owed that money.

Speaker 1 Well, he's clearly the last two weeks.

Speaker 2 He worked in Minnesota.

Speaker 1 Yeah, these last two weeks he has not been playing for his contract.

Speaker 1 I mean, we made the joke, but I think Jerry Jones is just going to play it like the stock market and wait till he can bottom out and then say, okay, I'll pay you this, Dak.

Speaker 1 Jerry Jones, by the way, he's getting to that part of the season where his team has flaws and he's realizing that he may die before they ever see another Super Bowl. He said about the flag off,

Speaker 1 the Jason Garrett flag off where he threw the red flag so hard at the ref that the ref then flagged him. He said, I hope the little darling didn't hear something he hadn't heard before.

Speaker 1 We should all stop the wheel over that if he got abusive language.

Speaker 2 That makes no sense. No, it doesn't.

Speaker 1 We should all stop the wheel

Speaker 2 over that

Speaker 1 if he got a penalty for abusive language, yeah, so he's calling out refs, little darlings, all this stuff. He's mad.

Speaker 2 I got a lot of respect for the ref that threw that flag, though. Did you see how high in the air?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. He knew he had the moment.

Speaker 2 It probably hit the scoreboard. Yes.

Speaker 1 We also had Ellen DeGeneres and George W. Bush in the box together.

Speaker 2 What do you think they were talking about?

Speaker 1 I don't know, but I have a take. Hey, hey, Ellen.

Speaker 2 You like Bush?

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 that was cheap,

Speaker 1 but good. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Hey,

Speaker 2 that right there is a fucking compliment.

Speaker 1 Ellen, she has a new iPhone.

Speaker 2 I have a take.

Speaker 1 I hate people who get the new iPhone within the first month.

Speaker 6 It's such a fucking brag.

Speaker 2 Do you think Ellen stood in line somewhere? Probably not.

Speaker 6 It's such a brag.

Speaker 1 You know it, too, because they walk around and they're like, I got the new iPhone.

Speaker 5 She also did that whole bullshit selfie thing for the, which wasn't an iPhone thing. So she's a traitor as well.

Speaker 1 which one wait at the oscars that was a that was a cell phone ad for like the galaxy or whatever oh yeah and it also said kevin spacey in it yep oh traitor ah very very interesting

Speaker 1 but don't you guys agree when you when the new iphone comes out i look at my phone my phone barely works anymore

Speaker 1 like a second

Speaker 1 case it's smashed to bits but i listen I have no problem with how I live my life. It's exhilarating to be skin on metal every day.
You can't wait. You wake up.

Speaker 1 You wake up like.

Speaker 1 No, I'm not bitching. I'm not bitching, Hank.
Let me me finish. You're a fucking snook eating egg noodles and ketchup every day with your phone case.
I'm not bitching at all.

Speaker 1 What I'm saying is I desperately need a new phone, obviously because

Speaker 1 I'm a bad boy and I don't have a case, but I would never get the new iPhone within the first month because then everyone looks at you and they're like, that guy thinks he's better than everyone.

Speaker 2 Well, it's also the fact that I like hearing people complain about what's wrong about the new iPhone, and then I feel smart for not getting it. Right.
It's like, yeah, that's why I didn't upgrade yet.

Speaker 1 But if you get it right away, then you are the new iPhone guy. And then you have to keep doing that every time.
Everyone knows the person who gets a new iPhone immediately.

Speaker 1 Now you're an Apple fucking robot. You probably wear a turtleneck and start a fake blood company out in Silicon Valley and get a bunch of billionaires to invest and then you steal their money.

Speaker 2 Yep. You go out to the Apple conventions and then you clap for the CEO, Tim Apple, whenever he shows you a phone.
He's like, oh, it's got more pixels.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, yeah.
They invented a watch. Oh my gosh.
It's so cool. I love you.
Shut up. I love the fucking pictures.
I use all Apple shit.

Speaker 1 I'm a robot for them.

Speaker 1 But I will not get a phone within the first minute.

Speaker 2 I'm here, though, for Ben Rothlessberger becoming an Apple guy in his retirement.

Speaker 2 Well, they don't make a turtleneck big enough to go around Ben Rothlessberger's face.

Speaker 5 It's bullshit that iPhones don't come with AirPods either.

Speaker 2 That is bullshit. That is bullshit, Hank.
I'm trying to get swaggy over here.

Speaker 1 I've lost four pairs of AirPods.

Speaker 2 Wait, so Ellen had...

Speaker 1 It's impressive, right?

Speaker 2 That's impressive. Ellen had the new iPhone.
Is George Bush an iPhone guy?

Speaker 6 I don't know. He feels like a...

Speaker 1 Flip phone.

Speaker 2 Yeah, flip phone or galaxy.

Speaker 1 Can we go back to Ben real quick? I would imagine that, you know, when you play

Speaker 1 NHL and you go back to the 94 controls

Speaker 1 and you're like,

Speaker 1 I just want X shoot, oh, pass.

Speaker 1 Big Ben definitely walked into the genius bar and said, just make it a regular watch. Yeah, can you? Just go back to the factory settings where it's just time.

Speaker 2 Can you show me where the hands, like the screen that's got the hands on it?

Speaker 1 Take everything else off of it.

Speaker 2 I'm old enough to remember when having an unauthorized clock would get you invited to the White House. And nowadays, it gets you a stiff $5,000.

Speaker 1 Hey, cool clock. A couple of times.

Speaker 2 That'd be fucking hilarious

Speaker 2 if Trump tweeted out, hey, cool clock, Ben. You want to bring it to the White House? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't. That wouldn't be crazy for him to do.

Speaker 2 No, do it. He would do it.

Speaker 1 You won't.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, the game. Some stats about that game real quick because this

Speaker 2 caught my eye when I saw Skip Bayless get angry about it.

Speaker 2 Cowboys had 563 yards. Packers had 335.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 1 speaking of. That usually happens when your quarterback throws three interceptions.

Speaker 2 That's true.

Speaker 2 It's the equivalent of winning the popular vote, but losing the electoral vote. Shout out George W.
Bush.

Speaker 1 There you go. They did it.

Speaker 2 It's a full circle.

Speaker 1 In commemoration.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so the Packers are back, and the Cowboys now have a bunch of questions, and everyone's going to doubt them until they have, I don't know, are they playing the Redskins soon?

Speaker 2 No, probably.

Speaker 1 They already did once, but yeah they're playing the giants soon then then they'll be back to being the best team amari cooper shout out to him 223 yards 200 anytime you hit you hit a two as a wide receiver it's like anytime you lay a deuce on somebody i'm like that's got to be a record i i said audibly i was like whoa i didn't realize he was that good today okay let's do our has he been paid yet

Speaker 1 no i don't think he has jerry

Speaker 1 jerry jerry come on buddy you got to start going under the table well they got the jets and then okay so yeah they'll be back to super bowl they'll be fine next week. Champions next week.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's do our who's back of the week and a couple segments, including football guys. Hank, do you want to start?

Speaker 5 Sure. We're going to get into this a little more with this league later, but the NBA is back, finally.

Speaker 1 Oh, thank God.

Speaker 5 Thank God. Preseason's back.
I feel like the main storylines, everyone's talking about James Harden's

Speaker 5 one-footed step back three.

Speaker 1 Have you guys seen that?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yes, I did see that.

Speaker 5 He's like, in the preseason that he was in, that was like the biggest crowd reaction. Like, more than a dunk, more than anything.

Speaker 5 He took the step back to the one-footed.

Speaker 1 Everyone went crazy. One-footed, and then also the Lakers tweeted,

Speaker 1 y'all have been put on notice. Oh, because

Speaker 2 he played well in the preseason.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Anthony Davis and LeBron

Speaker 1 shaking hands after a dunk or something, and they're like, y'all have been put on notice, which bookmarked that tweet.

Speaker 2 Anthony Davis had five dunks in the first half. I think I saw that.

Speaker 5 And Tacomania is sweeping Boston.

Speaker 1 Taco Mania?

Speaker 5 He got in the game today. He got a standing ovation.
Played well. Everyone loves him.
And favorite.

Speaker 1 And my favorite news story for next year is how all of the real Warriors fans got priced out because they're in their new arena now. So they're showing a bunch of pictures like, this is bullshit.

Speaker 1 All these, you know, tech bros are taking over the Warriors.

Speaker 2 Before, it was just real working-class fan base that would go sit front row at Warriors games.

Speaker 1 And remember, they don't have

Speaker 2 that clays out. So

Speaker 1 they're probably not. Well, no, fuck.
I forgot all about D'Angelo Russell. Shit.
The Warriors are going to be really good again. Okay.
Is that it?

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.

Speaker 2 My Who's Back of the Week is USA Rugby. Shout out USA Rugby.

Speaker 1 They're back. That hasn't happened in a while.

Speaker 2 We won the Cup. We beat New Zealand.
Cover. This is amazing.

Speaker 1 No, we won. We won the outside.
That's the punchline.

Speaker 2 We beat New Zealand

Speaker 2 in the women's sevens tournament this weekend in the HSBC

Speaker 2 World Series of Sevens that took place in the United States. So shout out USA Rugby.

Speaker 5 What was the boys back to boys?

Speaker 5 Does that work for women's?

Speaker 2 Yeah, of course. We're all boys in the grand scheme of things.
We're all born asexual. It's true.
Without genitals.

Speaker 1 So we're one of the best people. Hanging out.

Speaker 2 The 15 team hasn't done that well in the World Cup.

Speaker 1 What's the record? It's fine. They lost again.

Speaker 1 550? No, that's it.

Speaker 1 Track and Field is also back. Track and Field? Why?

Speaker 5 I was watching it this weekend.

Speaker 1 That's it?

Speaker 2 So it's back because Hank's paying attention.

Speaker 1 There we go.

Speaker 2 What's your favorite?

Speaker 1 That's a low bar, but I like it.

Speaker 5 We met a kid, this kid, Milo, who's like, I forget what country he's in, but he's actually in the pole vaulting.

Speaker 2 Pole vaulting is cool.

Speaker 5 So I've been watching that, thinking I'm going to see him. I haven't seen him yet.

Speaker 1 Every time it's Allison Stoke.

Speaker 2 I'm rooting for him. You know, her, every time I watch a pole vaulting video, I just, I'm afraid that it's going to go up their butt.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You think it's easy?

Speaker 1 Oh, my God, Hank. Well, add that to the list.
Yeah, that's the list of things. He's got to catch a fish and he's got to pole vault because there's no chance you can pole vault.

Speaker 5 How many meters?

Speaker 2 What do you mean, how many meters? Like high? Yeah. Dude, eight.
You won't get off the ground. Eight.

Speaker 1 No, eight's a lot.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you won't. No, you have to use a.
I don't think Hank. You have to just get no meters.

Speaker 2 There doesn't even have to be a bar.

Speaker 1 One meter. You just have to hit the thing and get all the way up and then come down without breaking all of your bones.

Speaker 2 Into the mat and without the pole going into your butt.

Speaker 1 Okay. Zero percent chance.
How many chances are we giving you?

Speaker 5 I mean, I gotta try it out.

Speaker 3 You're gonna get so hurt. Yeah,

Speaker 2 this is not gonna end well.

Speaker 3 You're gonna be so hurt.

Speaker 1 I need cameras on all of it. All right.
All right. Okay.
Perfect. All right.
My who's back

Speaker 5 is

Speaker 1 larger guys.

Speaker 1 Because I don't know if you guys saw our friend of the program, Stav from Come Town, tweeted out that Bonabos is, is that how you say it? Sure.

Speaker 2 Bonobos? Bonobos.

Speaker 1 Is doing ads where they're going to larger guys, calling it the prominent fit. It's true.
Not fat guys, not large, not extra large, not big and tall. It's the prominent fit.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 I think

Speaker 2 that's a great new term. You're rebranding.

Speaker 1 Yes, I looked up synonyms for prominent. We could just go on and on for big guys,

Speaker 1 distinguished, the distinguished fit, the notable. That is actually the nicest thing you can say about a fat guy is you're notable.

Speaker 2 I think that you're also kind of appropriating this culture now because you're not a little bit more.

Speaker 1 I've lost a little weight. Yeah, I've lost a little weight.
Thank you for that.

Speaker 2 You're not as prominent as you used to be. Noteworthy.

Speaker 1 Important. Imminent.

Speaker 2 I like imminent.

Speaker 1 Famed.

Speaker 1 Hey, I'm protuberant.

Speaker 1 Give me what size shirt are you?

Speaker 1 I'm the esteemed size.

Speaker 2 You're conspicuous.

Speaker 1 Nope. Easily seen.
Influential.

Speaker 1 There's, you go. I like this, though.
We should start doing this for anything that people look down on. Let's just flip it on its head.
The prominent fit.

Speaker 1 Notice to all people who ask me for money on the streets, instead of saying, hey, big guy, which I get every single day, how about, hey, prominent guy?

Speaker 2 That would be much more likely to give you you give them money yeah if they said that oh me i yeah i think that fat guys are getting a little too much shine recently really well it's our season it's our season it's your season it's it's bod's season right now yep um it's like we talk about fat guy touchdowns in football everyone gets excited no one talks about little guy touchdowns like best short film should be what we call little guy touchdowns would be good itty bitty titties darren sprols a highlight just highlight reels of him darren sprawls all i'm saying is that you guys have been prominent for quite some time.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Guys like me and Dan Snyder that work real hard, we don't get a lot of love.

Speaker 1 We'll call you the itty bitty size. Itty bitty.
What size shirt does PFT wear? He wears an itty bitty.

Speaker 2 I wear an extra medium.

Speaker 1 All right.

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Speaker 1 So get out there and make your Irish entrance. Anything else just wouldn't be be proper.
Okay, let's get to a football guy of the week. We have some good nominees.

Speaker 1 First up, we have Virginia Tech linebacker Alan Tisdale puking on the field immediately before a play and then playing the play. Puking rally.

Speaker 1 Let me use this time too to say that Miami, of all the fake back schools, Miami is the fakest.

Speaker 2 Yes, they're not back.

Speaker 2 They're not back at all.

Speaker 1 They stand.

Speaker 1 That's still bad.

Speaker 2 I like any play where a player is puking but doesn't really move or get out of their stance. Yes.
There's something that's just high comedy about puking while you're walking and not bending over.

Speaker 2 You see that umpire that puked the other day? No. That just projectile vomited while.

Speaker 1 No rest?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I wish. I wish.
That's what he stores in his Pelican pouch.

Speaker 1 All right. Next up, we have LSU strength coach Tommy Moffat having an assistant hit him in the back with a folding chair to make sure the quote-unquote the players were awake ahead of an 11 a.m.

Speaker 1 kickoff. That's, I mean, that's strength coach coach 101.

Speaker 2 That's an alarm clock if you're a strength and conditioning coach. Just getting hit in the back.
Yes. Should we do that?

Speaker 2 Is that the guy that head-butts players on the sidelines and makes his face bleed? Sure. I think it's probably the same guy.
If not, they're cut from the same cloth, and I'm sure they're best buddies.

Speaker 1 We have next up, Titans head coach, Mike Frabel, our friend, standing sadly in the rain with his wet mustache. What do you think he was doing?

Speaker 2 Pouring rain. What was he doing out there?

Speaker 1 Just soaking in the moment. Literally soaking in the moment.

Speaker 1 just getting a feel just gonna smell the rain as sad as it looked i just think that mike rabel is the type of guy he has his pregame routine and no matter what the weather he's gonna go through his pregame routine

Speaker 1 so if it's he usually degrees

Speaker 2 yeah right um i'm gonna one-up you and say the mustache is not a great look for being wet i'm just saying any wet dude yeah looks

Speaker 1 wet dudes in general they look wet dudes and wet don't they look bad they smell bad yeah it's bad uh okay and then last uh kyle long when he was asked which London landmarks he would like to visit, he said, I want to see what the end zones are like at Tottenham Stadium.

Speaker 1 I could have seen some more.

Speaker 2 He wanted to see him and he saw him. Whatever.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's do some segments, wrap up the show. By the way, we have Gary Busey on on Wednesday.

Speaker 2 He's awesome. He is.
It was a very

Speaker 2 interesting interview.

Speaker 1 What did you think of that interview, Hank? I mean...

Speaker 5 Way better than expected.

Speaker 5 He was off the reservation, but with it. Yes.
He's on it.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 5 He brought us to his reservation.

Speaker 1 And then we partied. Yeah.

Speaker 2 On his reservation. My mind is still blown.
It's like Bill Walton 2.0.

Speaker 1 He was awesome. So Gary Busece.

Speaker 5 He was more put together than Bill Walton, but also more out of it.

Speaker 1 Right. Right.

Speaker 2 I felt like I alternately deeply, deeply connected with what Gary Busey was saying, but then I also got confused at my own thoughts that he made me think.

Speaker 1 Right. Right.
It was an awesome one. So be excited for that.
Okay, segments.

Speaker 1 This league, Daryl Mori.

Speaker 1 Someone explain to me what's going on. So I fully understand.

Speaker 2 Okay, so

Speaker 2 there are protests going on in Hong Kong. As somebody who has been to Hong Kong recently,

Speaker 2 I think they're centered around drug usage and not enough Mali. Not enough Mali.

Speaker 2 They're actually centered around, they're upset that the Chinese government is trying to enforce their own extradition laws on Hong Kong.

Speaker 2 Hong Kong exists as its own district, right?

Speaker 2 And then China is. Amsterdam.
Yeah, it's like Hamsterdam or like.

Speaker 1 Use it all in like shows that I've watched.

Speaker 2 Okay, so

Speaker 2 Hong Kong's like Hamsterdam, right?

Speaker 1 Got it.

Speaker 2 And then Charles Clay and the entire state of Maryland are like, shit.

Speaker 2 We're going to make you stop using drugs because we're not getting any money off your drugs. Got it.
And so we're going to get money off your drugs. And also, you need to extradite

Speaker 2 all your drug dealers to China.

Speaker 1 Bubbles?

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 Bubbles is coming to mainland China, and we're going to try him underneath Chinese law. Who's Omar? Omar is probably...

Speaker 2 I don't know that many people in Hong Kong.

Speaker 1 All right, so Daryl Maury was like...

Speaker 2 Daryl Maury is kind of...

Speaker 1 The cop. What was the guy's name? McNulty? McNulty.
Yeah, Daryl Morris.

Speaker 2 It is okay. So what happens is Daryl Morris is saying, like,

Speaker 1 the Amsterdam guy? No. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. The other Amsterdam guy.
Buddy Coleman? Yeah, he's Buddy Coleman. So he's like, hey, this is a good idea.

Speaker 1 Hamsterdam should exist. Yes.
And then the for Tot Furtata, the Rockets owner.

Speaker 2 He's like Ziggy.

Speaker 1 He's like, fuck this. This shouldn't exist.

Speaker 2 He's like Ziggy, the guy that crashes.

Speaker 2 Okay, so what's the problem now? So the problem is that Daryl Mori tweeted out his support of the protesters and

Speaker 1 wrong.

Speaker 2 And it just so happens that the Rockets make a shitload of money off of mainland China.

Speaker 2 So he's rubbing people the wrong way over there. Yao Ming.
Yeah, Rao Ming is pissed off at Daryl Mori.

Speaker 5 Yao Ming works for the Chinese

Speaker 5 Chinese NBA and they're anti-rockets now. They're trying to push an agenda to...
They basically have taken the Rockets off their streaming service.

Speaker 5 So it's like if you're in mainland China and it's like 50 million people, you're not allowed to watch Rocket games. If you paid for a league pass for the Rockets,

Speaker 5 you have to pick another team.

Speaker 1 Holy shit. They're like pushing

Speaker 1 all because of a tweet.

Speaker 5 So that's why they have to apologize and shit. They're like pushing the Nets as like the new Chinese

Speaker 5 NBA team.

Speaker 1 So the Rockets are like, the Rockets are fucked. So, and the best part is that the NBA came out and basically disavowed Daryl Moray, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, the NBA was like, no, he doesn't speak for us.

Speaker 1 Even though the NBA is like the biggest, like, we stand for human rights and all these things, and we're the most progressive league. But if you fuck with our money,

Speaker 2 just kidding. Communists buy sneakers too.
Yes. Is what they're saying.

Speaker 1 I like that. I like that the NBA is just showing that, like, hey, hey, we want to do like, hey.
Speak out against Trump.

Speaker 5 It doesn't cost us anything.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no NBA all-star game in Charlotte.

Speaker 1 But if we're talking about people wanting to be free, just kidding, we got to sell league pass to them.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 We don't see any video of the millions of Muslims that you're imprisoning, so we're not going to say anything bad about you.

Speaker 1 They put themselves in a real pickle.

Speaker 2 They did. I wish Magic Johnson was still affiliated with the Lakers so he could tweet about this.
It's a good life lesson. Good luck to both the protesters in Hong Kong and the Chinese government.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's a good life lesson. It will be interesting to see who wins this dispute.

Speaker 1 All the kids out there, it's a good life lesson.

Speaker 1 Your morals are only morals until it fucks with your wallet.

Speaker 2 Do you think that this is a common theme in the wire?

Speaker 1 It's a common theme in the world. It's the entire, how the entire world works.

Speaker 2 Do you think that this is why the NBA said we're not going to allow any ninja-style headbands?

Speaker 2 Because that's

Speaker 2 the Japanese ninja, so it's a signal to the Chinese communist government being like, hey, we've got your back. We're on your side.
Yes. I think it's possible.
I think it's very possible.

Speaker 1 All right, so they got themselves in a pickle. This league is back.

Speaker 2 It also could be...

Speaker 2 It could be related to, remember when L'Angelo Ball got arrested over in China? Yeah. And then he mysteriously just got released back to the United States?

Speaker 1 Cool.

Speaker 1 Real quick.

Speaker 2 A little quid pro que.

Speaker 1 President Trump released, got him.

Speaker 2 Okay, so L'Angelo and Ishap Rocky are two most important cultural exports have been returned to.

Speaker 1 All I know is I got my eye on this Furtata guy. He seems like a real lightning rod.

Speaker 2 Is his name Furtata?

Speaker 1 The Rockets Owner? Is it

Speaker 1 Fortitta?

Speaker 2 If it's Furtata, that's a hell of a name.

Speaker 1 I'm going to search it right now. Rockets Owner.
I'm pretty sure. You do an ad, PFD, our last ad, and then I'm going to search his name.
Rockets Owner.

Speaker 2 I'd just like to say, as...

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, Fortitta.

Speaker 2 Furtitta. Are we allowed to speak to you? Filmmed Furtitta.
For the New Zealand Breakers?

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 2 Which way do you want to go on this?

Speaker 1 Do you want to?

Speaker 1 How about we'll go good cop, bad cop?

Speaker 1 No, no, no. We got to just.

Speaker 5 People in mainland trying to listen to PMT.

Speaker 1 Here's what we have to do. We want to shut that out of words that say nothing.

Speaker 2 Okay, I think I can do this. We're certainly looking into aspects of everything that's happening in Hong Kong, and we are pro-human rights across the board.

Speaker 2 And I think that it's important before jumping to any conclusions,

Speaker 2 we wait for all the facts to come out.

Speaker 1 Well, more than that, PFT, I think the most important thing is to listen to a lot of people here and open a dialogue.

Speaker 1 So we have to have a conversation about what's going on in the world, and then we're going to put together a panel. We're going to talk to people.
We have put many women and minorities on this panel.

Speaker 1 So we are going to get a lot of different perspectives. And once we have a conversation,

Speaker 2 we'll have a task force.

Speaker 1 Okay. And then our task force on Daryl Maury tweets, that's what we're going to call it, will then make a judgment on this.
So tune in because we will probably release this statement

Speaker 1 the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving.

Speaker 2 There you go. There you have it.
So

Speaker 2 kudos to us for coming out strongly on this event.

Speaker 1 Someone transcribe that, please, and put that out as a press release.

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Speaker 1 Okay, let's talk some baseball.

Speaker 1 Natitude.

Speaker 2 Natitude is, we hit a little speed bump.

Speaker 1 You got a bad Natitude.

Speaker 2 Hit a speed bump tonight. That's fine.
It was a bad Natitude night. It turns out that having your starting pitchers also be your relief pitchers isn't the best strategy going into postseason baseball.

Speaker 1 Day one, game two.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 there was a moment, since I put a future bet on Natitude winning the World Series, figured it worked for the Capitals, trying to help you out, maybe get some good juju going. Thank you.

Speaker 1 When they were up 2-1, I said, I'm rich.

Speaker 2 You counting your money all the time.

Speaker 1 Because they were going to beat the Dodgers, then they were going to steamroll the Braves or the Cardinals and then shock the world with the Astros.

Speaker 2 Not the Yankees.

Speaker 1 No, the Astros are going to kill. The Astros are going to.
Do we all agree the Astros are going to kill the Yankees? So the Yankees, the Twins should stop. I feel bad for the Twins.

Speaker 1 The Ascensions are going to kill the Yankees? Yeah. The Twins won 101 games.

Speaker 1 How?

Speaker 1 They hit a lot of home runs. That's right.

Speaker 2 And how many times did they buy the Lemuri's this year?

Speaker 1 Not to toot my own horn, but I did say the Twins were going to win the Arles Central when we did our preseason predictions that no one writes down or no one cares about solely based on the fact that I had been hearing about the Twins rebuild for long enough that I said, it seems like it's about time.

Speaker 1 So they won 101 games, and they're just roadkill for the Yankees. They started a cab driver in the second game, not looking down on him.

Speaker 1 I know people are very upset, which is the dumbest controversy ever.

Speaker 2 So the fans at Yankee Stadium were chanting Uber, Uber, Uber, because Randy Dobnick and Randy Dobnick's head

Speaker 2 during the game, and people are big mad about it because it's like, oh, you're talking down about somebody's profession. It's like, well,

Speaker 2 you kind of gave them a lot of meat on the bone to work with because every story going to that game was about how he drove a cab in the offseason.

Speaker 1 Also,

Speaker 1 Randy Dobnick was probably, he's probably had been in locker rooms his whole life. He's probably had similar jokes been made.
He's probably made similar jokes. He probably thought it was funny.

Speaker 1 And guess what? That's sports. I just can't stand

Speaker 1 people who write about sports that forget what rooting for a team and being passionate about a team, what that feels like.

Speaker 1 Because if you're in a playoff atmosphere, you're jacked up, you're probably drunk, you're going to the game with your friends, your family, whoever, and you know that the guy was an Uber driver, you're going to chant Uber.

Speaker 1 It's funny. It wasn't mean.

Speaker 2 I don't think it was mean. They should actually have chanted that at Jameis Winston.
That would be a more appropriate usage of guest chant.

Speaker 1 When they do that, they probably will. They probably will.
Yeah. But it was the...

Speaker 2 The moral of the story is, as Big Cat's saying, if you're drunk enough, you can chant whatever you want on the pressure. Pretty much.

Speaker 1 Well, not all the way. But don't you think that's a stupid thing to be mad about?

Speaker 2 I think

Speaker 2 in the larger scheme of things in life, it's probably pretty dumb. You're not making fun of his dead family.
You're not talking about a job that he had.

Speaker 2 I'm sure that we have Uber drivers that listen to part of my tick. We're not looking down on him.

Speaker 1 That's awesome. I wouldn't want to be

Speaker 2 saying that if you're pitching against the Yankees in a playoff game, you would probably expect that the crowd would bring up the fact that you're an Uber driver.

Speaker 1 If I keep losing, my can't lose parlay, I'm going to be an Uber driver.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the good way to kind of judge whether or not a chant is acceptable is would Randy Quaid say it during the Major League movies?

Speaker 2 And I think he absolutely would say it during the Major League movies.

Speaker 1 It's just so stupid that all these people.

Speaker 1 And then, of course, there's classic internet 2019 where the backlash to the backlash was even larger than the backlash. So then I started hating those people.

Speaker 1 The people who were mad about defending their right to chant with

Speaker 1 no dude, just let it live in the moment. Just leave it there.
You don't have to go online and start fighting everyone who's mad about this. Because it was, honestly, I looked for it.

Speaker 1 It was like four people. Four people said it was a classless thing those four people don't really like sports they just you know

Speaker 1 cover sports so don't get mad at them because now you make yourself look like an asshole just leave it just leave it in the fucking stadium but anyway yeah the yankees are gonna steamroll the twins they'll probably sweep them uh the cardinals choked one away yeah yeah they really did choke one away yeah big time i'm not saying that in the mean way i i'm saying you know what facts i want the braves to win as much as possible unless they're playing against the nats because every single time the Braves get a postseason victory, to me, that counts towards the mid-90s Braves that didn't get enough.

Speaker 1 Bobby Cox put it on the list.

Speaker 1 And then the Astros, which you don't think the Astros are going to beat the Yankees, Hank?

Speaker 5 I don't think they're going to do it as easily as you say they're going to do it.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, they are.

Speaker 5 Bronx Bombers? Dude. You don't feel the electricity

Speaker 1 beats the Bronx Bombers? Justin Verlander and Garrett Cole. Garrett Cole, I was telling you guys before I looked it up, Garrett Cole had 33 swing and misses on Saturday night.
It's 15 strikeouts.

Speaker 1 That seems awesome. He's insane.
He's on a different level. And then who are they pitching in game three?

Speaker 1 Oh, Zach Grankie?

Speaker 1 I mean, it's ridiculous.

Speaker 2 It's pretty good.

Speaker 1 So the Astros are going to win the World Series as first reported by Alex Bregman on this very show. But yeah, I mean, playoff baseball is pretty awesome, except Natitude's...

Speaker 2 No, Natitude's not dead. I'm not going to the game I've decided tomorrow.
Because your sugar daddy couldn't win. Yeah, because Marlon's man couldn't take me.

Speaker 1 Marlon's man big time me.

Speaker 2 He's got appointments and stuff that he's going to. He's not going to be in DC.

Speaker 1 Very important.

Speaker 2 Very important meetings that he has to make, I'm sure. But yeah, I'm not going to this game.

Speaker 1 Maybe, uh, maybe I'll go to game.

Speaker 2 I guess it would be game three next round. Yes.
Okay. Yeah.
I'll see you in game three.

Speaker 1 There you go. Against the Braves?

Speaker 2 Yeah, against the Bravos.

Speaker 1 Okay. The Bravos are going to be playing the Nats.
That's going to be great.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's going to be Max Scherzer for the first four innings, Strasbourg for three,

Speaker 2 and then Annabal for for the last four.

Speaker 1 Max to Scherzer versus Rich Hill tomorrow. Okay.
I feel good about that. I feel good about that.
Yeah, Rich Hill

Speaker 1 throws soft.

Speaker 2 There you go. There you go.

Speaker 1 Dude,

Speaker 2 I'm scared for anybody that has to face Max Scherzer on the mound. I'm just terrified.

Speaker 1 That gift was remade where he just says,

Speaker 1 what is it?

Speaker 2 He's like,

Speaker 2 I'm going to fuck you up, bitch.

Speaker 1 You're my bitch.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Take it easy.

Speaker 2 I'm glad that he found baseball because if not, he would probably be a serial killer. Even his face looks like the cover of Making a Murder where it's two different people.

Speaker 1 Yes. Oh, speaking of which, I went out to dinner on Friday night, and there was like the ambiance music was playing, and they started playing the

Speaker 1 song from

Speaker 1 Sounds of the Lamps, and it ruined the vibe.

Speaker 1 The song when he does the manina. He's like, Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me.
Buffalo Bill.

Speaker 2 Did they have fava beans on the menu?

Speaker 1 No, it was. It was, dude, it really kills the vibe when you start thinking about a dude in the mirror looking at himself, saying, Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me.

Speaker 2 You know what would be awful skinny? Actually, it'd be a great prank. If you own a restaurant, one night just play the soundtrack to Two Girls, One Cup, and look around and see who gets it.

Speaker 2 Who gets it?

Speaker 1 Who's in the know? Who's in the know?

Speaker 1 Okay. Oh, I forgot to mention shit.
ParsdalGold.com/slash PMT. If you want to watch this, parsdalegold.com/slash PMT.
Monday reading. Here we go.

Speaker 1 We'll finish up the show. My boyfriend of one year is obsessed with a porn star.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's normal, right? Hank, what's your favorite porn star?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Okay, you don't watch porn stars.

Speaker 2 I don't watch porn.

Speaker 1 Okay, nice to see you.

Speaker 1 All right, so this is normal. I like them all.
So this is really weird for me. I could understand if my boyfriend was fascinated.

Speaker 5 Awesome, just because she was coworkers with me. There you go.

Speaker 1 You got it. I could understand if my boyfriend was fascinated with a female porn star.

Speaker 2 Mine's Carter Cruz, because I forgot her name like a month ago when I was talking about ECU.

Speaker 1 There you go.

Speaker 1 Mine is,

Speaker 1 fuck. What's that guy's name? Evan Stone.

Speaker 2 That's a good one.

Speaker 1 He was the main character in Stagnetty's Revenge. 1 and 2.
Pirate porn.

Speaker 1 Okay. So

Speaker 1 this is really weird for me. I could understand if my boyfriend was fascinated with a female porn star, but instead, he is obsessed with a male porn star that he likes to call Two Tone Malone.

Speaker 1 Some of you might know him. For those that don't know, he's a male porn star where there's an obvious distinction in color between his shaft and his head.
Tutome Malone makes sense, right?

Speaker 1 I don't think I'm being homophobic, but it bothers me when he mentions how he wishes his dick was as big and multicolored as the male porn stars is.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ. Okay.
I mean, we all have our own insecurities. I want stuff such as firmer butt or tighter stomach.
Hey, listen, girl. You're good as you.
But he is literally obsessed with this guy.

Speaker 1 He goes around telling not only me, but also his friends about how he only watches porn with him in it now. And he's not lying.
I've seen his collection.

Speaker 1 And I'm pretty sure his friends are also weirded out by it.

Speaker 3 We got any thoughts?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I've got a couple thoughts right off the bat.

Speaker 2 If you really want it so bad, you could just get those colors tattooed on yourself. Yes.

Speaker 2 They do dick tattoos.

Speaker 1 There's a solution for you. You should get that for him.
Maybe if you did that, he would stop talking about them. Maybe.

Speaker 1 Probably not.

Speaker 2 I don't think so. If you're obsessed with a male porn star,

Speaker 2 I guess it makes sense to be obsessed with one that has a hilarious dick. Yes.
Because it's like a romantic comedy every time you watch it. Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 Okay, normally I would think this is just a phase and he'll get over it and forget about this guy. After all, I'm sure we've all had celebrity crushes that we no longer care about.
Britney Spears?

Speaker 2 Christina Aguilera.

Speaker 1 You were Christina?

Speaker 2 Cardi B.

Speaker 1 Over. You don't care.
Over Hank? Spears. Yeah, Britney Spears.
Oh, were you later Spears?

Speaker 6 Crazy Britney?

Speaker 5 Toxic. Toxic Britney Spears.

Speaker 1 I'm I'm talking about like late 90s, Britney.

Speaker 2 Yeah, when we were at the same age as her.

Speaker 1 Pam Anderson, too. Always the goat.
Same. Always the goat.

Speaker 5 LimeWire broke like three of my computers because of that.

Speaker 1 The Tommy Lee when he honked the boat with his dick.

Speaker 5 That video and like Vince Carter dunk videos.

Speaker 1 One in the same

Speaker 5 computers in the lock with them.

Speaker 2 They're probably both mislabeled as the other one.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Download the other one. They're all like Soldier Boy songs.

Speaker 1 How many millions of people do you think have seen Tommy Lee honk that boat with his dick?

Speaker 2 Probably, I'd say 70 million. 70 million.

Speaker 1 70 million people. I watched it.
Hilarious. Tommy Lee is like one of those guys that you knew right away

Speaker 1 that he was the guy in the friend group who just did like the dick pranks because his dick was so funny.

Speaker 1 What were you going to say? Sorry.

Speaker 5 There was like a CNN documentary about the 90s, and it was like said 30% of porn or 30% of the internet was just people on porn, and most of that was people coming for the Pam Anderson sex station.

Speaker 1 So maybe more of that.

Speaker 1 But that tape revolutionized the internet.

Speaker 5 internet. Yes, absolutely.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. Okay.

Speaker 1 Normally I would think it's just a phase. He'll get over it.

Speaker 1 However, as of right now, he's actually considering circumcision purely for cosmetic reasons because he finds it really hot when Two-Tone initially sticks his paler part of his dick in for a while to tease the girl, then shoves in the darker shadow.

Speaker 2 Oh, wait, so it's the other way around.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 2 this changes everything. Yes.
Because, okay, I thought it was a situation where it looked like a candy apple at the end of a straw.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 2 But no, it's not. What you're saying, it's like a Hershey's hug that's connected to...

Speaker 1 It's a straw wearing a hat. It's when you...

Speaker 2 To like a log.

Speaker 1 No, it's when they give you the straw, but they keep the top of the paper on so that you know it's fresh.

Speaker 2 Is it paper straw?

Speaker 1 Yeah, the paper straw. No, no, it's a regular straw.
It's a flashy straw.

Speaker 2 Because you can chew right through it. Black straw with a paper on the top.
Okay, got it. That is a pretty hilarious dick.
That is very funny. Now, is this a white gentleman or is it a

Speaker 1 British American? I don't know. Hank, look it up.
Tutome Malone.

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm going to look it up. All right, here we go.

Speaker 1 I understand that it's his body and he can do whatever he wants, but I don't think he should go through with an unnecessary procedure with all the risks involved.

Speaker 1 I personally don't have a preference between cut and uncut.

Speaker 1 Let's see it. Hank's showing us two-tone Malone.
Let's see, Hank. Can I see?

Speaker 5 It's just a Photoshop of Kevin Malone.

Speaker 1 Post Malone face tattoos.

Speaker 2 Is this a real person?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it must be. I personally don't have a preference between cut and uncut.

Speaker 1 I've been with both, but I also don't want to deal with him bringing his fetish of a two-tone dick into the bedroom he actually had me say things like don't stick the dark part in yet it's too big

Speaker 1 yo this guy i kind

Speaker 1 i kind of get what he's like most people will go to the gym and yell kobe when they shoot a three this guy is just saying hey tell me to not pick put the dark part in yet when he's having sex.

Speaker 2 It's important to have heroes no matter what you're doing.

Speaker 1 Are you looking, Hank? Did you find him?

Speaker 5 Not yet.

Speaker 1 How have you guys not found him? Two-tone Malone, porn star.

Speaker 2 I'm looking up Two-Tone Malone.

Speaker 1 The porn star. What? That's his nickname for the porn star.
Oh, okay. No, no, no.
No, people know him as Two-Tone Malone.

Speaker 2 There's actually a man that goes by Two-Tone Malone. I'm not seeing anything about him.
Okay. Here's two blondes, one Two-Tone.

Speaker 1 I'm watching a Two-Tone Malone porn right now.

Speaker 2 Okay, so am I.

Speaker 1 He's a handsome fella, I must say. Oh, I see it.
It's not as two-tone as

Speaker 1 That's not that bad. All right.
This is good. You know what? It's gone sideways.
You know what it is? Okay, so here's what we're just the part of the part of my dick.

Speaker 1 We're just watching porn while you listen.

Speaker 2 Here's what two-tone Malone is: it's like a golfer after they get done finishing on 18 and they take their hat off. Yes.
And it's got a little tan line at the top of it.

Speaker 2 That's exactly what it looks like.

Speaker 1 Yeah. All right.

Speaker 1 We'll wrap up here. Is there anything I can say to help him forget about this fetish and more importantly, the circumcision?

Speaker 1 I've already told him how I liked his dick just the way it is and how I don't think two-tone is that attractive.

Speaker 2 I really don't.

Speaker 1 His face is kind of weird.

Speaker 1 No, it's not. I just looked at him.
But I guess guys don't care about that.

Speaker 1 I say let him be him. Yeah, let's just look up Two-Tone.
He seems like actually a like, it's the old...

Speaker 2 He's very successful.

Speaker 1 It's the old, like, hey, at least, you know, I might have my vibe. Like, I vape.
At least I don't smoke crack.

Speaker 1 He's, his celebrity crush slash role model in life is two-tone Malone. At least it's not Kim Jong-un.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it could be worse. He could could just want

Speaker 2 this a totally one-toned penis, which I think would probably look stranger. Right.

Speaker 1 So let him do his thing. We all have our heroes.
Unless two-tone Malone. Actually, this is what you need to do.

Speaker 1 You need to reach out to Twitone Malone and have him do the Charles Barkley, I am not a role model.

Speaker 2 That would be good. Or just you could write Two-Tone Malone a letter and be like, hey, man, I want to be just like you.
Could I get your autograph?

Speaker 1 Yeah, can we have a catch?

Speaker 2 Yeah, can you autograph my dick? Can you just color in the bottom part of my dick with a light brown marker?

Speaker 1 This might sound weird, but I always just kind of wanted to catch a load.

Speaker 1 Two-tone.

Speaker 2 It's a little strange. I understand where this person is coming from.

Speaker 2 But you know what? Like some women want to change things about their bodies, and that's fine. Yeah.

Speaker 2 If a guy wants to make his penis look like a churro that's been dipped in vanilla frosting, beautiful. Let him do it.
Beautiful.

Speaker 1 Love is love. Love is love.
Okay, that's our show. We have Gary Busey coming on Wednesday.
Get excited. It's awesome.

Speaker 2 Love you guys.

Speaker 2 It's Pardon My Take presented by Bar Stool Sports.