NFL Week 4 Recap, Minshew Mania, Chase Daniel Redemption, And We Create A Bansky

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
The last thing you want to hear when you need your auto insurance most is a robot with countless irrelevant menu options. Which is why with USAA Auto Insurance you'll get great service that is easy and reliable all at the touch of a button.
Get a quote today. Restrictions apply.
USAA. On today's part of my take week for NFL recap, we talk about every single game.
We're going to say something nice about the Dolphins. We're going to do everything.
We're going to recap it. We're going to do the fastest two minutes.
We're going to talk a little college football. We got football guy of the week.
Maybe I'll say it, PFT, our best football guy of the week thus far we're gonna get right back to the show auto insurance can all seem the same until it comes time to use it so don't get stuck paying more for less coverage switch to usaa auto insurance and you could start saving money in no time get a quote today restrictions. All right, back to part of my take.
Okay, let's go. Boy! Boy! Now in the street there is violence.
And I'm not allowed to solve what can be done. No place to hang out or wash in.
And then I can't lay ball on the sun. Oh, no.
We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue. And then we'll take it higher.
Oh, we're gonna countdown to electric avenue.

It's Pardon My Take presented by Barstool Sports.

Welcome to Pardon My Take presented by the Cash App.

Bad Beat Mondays.

Go download the Cash App right now.

You get $5 for free with code BARSTOOL.

Tweet them.

You might be able to get help from your bookie. Today is Monday, September 30th, week four.
What? What? What? Huh? We start in Atlanta. Wake up, Matty.
I think I've got something to say to you. It's late September September and your team still looks like big poo-poo.
AJ Soprano Brown finally made it a whole football game without passing out. And Titans fans are singing, Marcus, I think I want to Mariota you.
After the much maligned quarterback threw for three scores. Dan Quinnipiac should be coaching at a safety school where kicking a 3.0 would be considered a success.
Who are you? Who, who, who, who, Leo Jones and Austin? Who are you? Who, who, who, Hooper said, are we going to lose this game? You better, you better, you bet, as the Millennial Falcons are stuck in a teenage wasteland. Titans 24, Falcons 10.
Whip! Whip! Whip!

To Western New York, where the

3-0 Bills host the 3-0

Patriots in a battle for the

AFC East. The Bills are thinking

it's a new year, but Josh

Ashana Allen was no match for

Julian Edelman. Happy New Year, Boob.

Matt Baby Bark played like

doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo in relief,

and although Tom Brady Quinn didn't

throw many fuckable spirals, this

year looks a lot like last year as stop me if you've heard this before, Teach. The Patriots win in Buffalo.
Patriots 16, both dead. No, no one down to Baltimore where Freddie Kittens had the offense purring and left the Ravens looking like pussies.
Nick Chubba Wumba got knocked down but then got up again because you can never keep a rock hard chub down. Lamar Jackson looked like he took a whiskey drink, then a lager drink, then a vodka drink, then a cider drink, and was so thirsty for more that he unlocked all the beer fridges in Cleveland.
John Jacob Jingleheimer Harbaugh looked at his brother Jim and said, Hey, your name is my name too. Whenever we go out, people always shout, Hey, neither of you guys can win a big game.
Browns 40, Ravens 25. Whip, whip, pfft, pfft.
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. Boom, boom.
In Detroit, it looks like Catrick Mahomes isn't housebroken as Andy Reid brought his favorite pet indoors for the first time and made a mess all over the carpet as he had his first game without a touchdown. There were not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, but six fumbles in this sloppy affair.
Karen Barry Johnson and Daryl Strawberry Williams found all the cracks and towed the rock to the big white line

and the Kansas City Queefs can let out an awkward sigh of relief. After getting penetrated all afternoon.
Chiefs 34, line starting. Scientists are puzzled by a very disturbing trend in the waters along four Gulf Coast states.
Almost 300 dead and dying dolphins. Think about that for a second.
I've washed your shorts since February, and that's about three times the usual number. San Diego Superchargers 30, Dolphins 10.
The New York Football Giants in the Middlelands, where damn Daniel Jones was back at it again with the white fans. Daniel Jones, the Deloitte accountant, continued to excel for four fiscal quarters.

Wayne Goleman brothers tied the

Redskins' defense to a whipping post

like they disobeyed an order from Adrian

Peterson. The New York defensive

starters played like great-tasting

subs as Jabril Sausage and

Peppers and David Hold the Mayo

were the real heroes on Sunday.

You're on a roll, boom. The Redskins

looked like they were better suited for cable access as Twain's World, Twain's World, Garbage Time, Interceptions, the G-Men, 24, the R-Wars 3. What? In Indianapolis, where Derek, comedian in cars getting coffee, might be developing a very special relationship with his head coach John Gruden.

Not that there's anything wrong with that, Deej. Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve Vinatieri, didn't kick one of his field goals straight enough as Indiana native Mike Pence was shaking his head thinking the Colts need some third-down conversion therapy.
Stick to sports, boom. Vontaze said, I'm not a perfect person.
Got kicked out for a 7,000th consecutive NFL game, but the Colts still, who must stank it up? The Riders 31, Colts 24. Hey, Kurt, go.
Oh, the, what? Some spread. Out in the desert where Jadavion Krusty the Clowney and Sideshow Bobby Wagner said must kill Kyler.

As the Seahawks sacked Murray four times and added a pick six. Will Disley beneath the milky twilight left Cardinals better six pence none the richer.
Spliff Kingsbury got rolled up and smoked recreationally by the Seattle Pharma Seahawks dispensary. Seahawks 27.
The Cardinals done.

Standing on the corner of Jameis Winston, Tampa, Florida.

Such a fine sight

to see. It's

Bruce! Holy shit! Rockin'

Red Oakleys like a pimp. Watch his

QB throw one I and T.

Come on, Bucks!

I thought

you sucked!

The Rams took down America's teaser. What the fuck? Bucks 54, Rams 40.
We finish in Mile High, where Leonard Pornett was jagging off to the tune of 225 yards, and Gardner, just for Minshew, was the color of money down the stretch. Noah, don't you want the Fanta Fanta? Was extremely catchy and annoying to the Jaguars secondary.
Hey, Teej. Yeah, Boom? I call him Vic Fangio in four.
Good one, Boom. Flacco battled back within a Nats eyelash of a win.
Hey, Teej. Yeah, boom.
I call him Joe in four. Flacco.
Jaguars 26. Broncos 24.
Okay, week four in the books. Close to in the books.
We actually are watching the fourth quarter of Dallas-New Orleans as we finish their start the show. We all took New Orleans, so if we just yell out randomly during it and you fell asleep, now you'll know what's happening.
Or it might be just because we have football Tourette's, which it's an actual thing. And then there's no real football tomorrow night.
It's Andy Dalton and Mason Rudolph. So judging by how little we know about football, it's probably going to be an awesome game.
Yeah, it will be incredible. And they'll go off.
Both offenses will go off. And we're just like, that was the best game ever.
I even jokingly said I I'm gonna try to get some sleep catch up up on some sleep and then I laugh I was like no I'm not I'm gonna watch it till midnight two words yeah AFC well it's three words AFC North Football oh these two teams do not like each throughout the record they were actually they were in the commercials they were like these teams they don't like each other Antonio Antonio Brown, Vontaze vontez perfect mason rudolph just happy to catch a paycheck levy on bell pac-man jones mason rudolph by the way i've i've said it and and this will confirm it tomorrow night i don't care how good he is tomorrow night if he does really really well he's not a starting quarterback in the nfl i've seen enough of his face okay all i had noted noted okay so let's get into the games if get into the games. If you want to watch us if you want to watch this whole show, barstoolgold.com slash PMT.
I think we have a bonus episode coming this week. Rubik's Cube.
Rubik's Cube Master coming this week. Or next week.
Or next week. One of these weeks.
Whatever. So it was awesome and it will be great to listen to and Bubba's been trying to do a Rubik's Cube for the past month and he has not gotten it.
Bub, like, probably the best, though, out of all four of us. Yeah, well, I haven't even tried.
I've just stared at it, hoping that it changes. Fuck no.
Okay. Doesn't work.
So let's get into the games. Let's get into the games.
This was road team Sunday. 10 out of 12.
Now, we don't know the end of this Sunday night game, but 10 out of 12 of us are sitting right here. Teams won on the road.
It's also the end of the first quarter of the nfl season as bill walton well or not belong as bill personally love to say yeah yeah it's one of those football guy sayings that gets passed down cut it up into quarters cut it up into quarters so it's a it's a nice way to say when you really suck for a four game stretch well it was just the first quarter or a way to tell your team you're okay or if you're a three and 13 team and you're like well we went three and four in the second quarter so that's pretty good exactly all right so let's start uh with the titans and the falcons falcons are dead they are officially dead ded but they were some slick throwback unis today i love those uniforms those uniforms are so nice that i went against my own philosophy of betting on Mike Vrabel when he's an underdog, when the team, when people count out the Titans, that's when they

perform.

And they perform today.

And this is also the theme.

So it's road game Sunday.

It's also, is Marcus Mariota and Jameis Winston, are they going to get new contracts because

they both played well?

Because Marcus Mariota was very good.

He played okay today.

The Titans are a lot like Nashville. There's good Nashville and there's bad Nashville.
There's Dolly Parton, and then there's Eric Church. There's the Broadway with those two twins that make you pay for pictures with them outside of all the bars, and then there's winners and losers on the Vanderbilt campus that's awesome to go get drunk at.
Right. There's Waylon Jennings, and there Flats right which one are you going to get this week Dirk Bentley probably has like his own themed you know he has a theme park probably in Nashville now yeah don't go there but there's probably a cool hot chicken joint it's just exactly like Dollywood except the rides are a lot worse and it costs more to get in to remember the last time we were in Nashville uh we had Larry the bus driver with us And we got so high that I freaked out because Larry the bus driver kept on asking us to hang out.
And I started getting in my own head. And I was like, is he mad that he's not hanging out with us? And I just peaced out.
And I watched a terrible Syracuse-Duke game or something. Yeah.
Really high. That was my stuff.
I ate a shitload of hot chicken right before we had to go do a public event. And I felt like my stomach was going to eat itself from the inside out.
Okay, so back to this game. Marcus Mariota, I have a stat for you.
He is the only QB who has started all four games. Oh, Teddy Bridgewater just got smoked.
He's the only QB who has started all four games and not turned the ball over. Are you serious? Yes.
He is the most boring QB. I don't like that stat.
Well, you know what it know what it is at least do something if you're going to play quarterback i want a quarterback that makes me either terrified every time you throw the ball or really excited every time you throw the ball it's also the old uh line of thinking i used to use when i defended jay cutler that not all interceptions are bad because sometimes you have to take a risk right if your quarterback's not throwing any interceptions that probably means he's a a little bit of a pussy. Right.
It's kind of like the Kobe miss factor. Sometimes it's good to miss shots because it's more likely it'll take a weird deflection and then your teammate will pick it up.
I also have a stat about the Falcons. The most maddening team of all time.
All time. They had three turnover on downs in the Titans territory.
That's almost impossible to do. And then add on top of that, a missed field goal and a fumble in the Titans territory.
So five times they crossed the 50 yard line and got zero points from it. So the red zone for the, for the Falcons is expanding.
It's like Bob Giacco used to say like, yeah, 20, 22. Yeah.
For them, their red zone woes are so bad that their red zone extends to the midfield line. I swear to God we watched this game and it was the Falcons would spend 15 minutes in the middle of the field just getting first downs and getting penalties and going backwards and getting first downs and never going anywhere.
And that is the Falcons to a T. They're so frustrating.
I'm so happy that they are my Dunn chain team. I don't even think they have like fighting them dan quinn needs to be fired and i like dan quinn because he will give me that joke for the rest of my life but dan quinn is on the hot seat and i think arthur blank is gonna cut him out he'll always have a job if he just wants to show up in seattle pete carroll is going to take one look at him he's like you can you can work on my defensive staff we can we can use a bald guy with the goatee over here uh i love getting mad at teams for not running the ball more yes i love just retroactively looking at let's meet ball football with the total amount of runs for a team is and then getting pissed off about it and the falcons ran the ball 17 times and i'm mad let's forget about the fact that they're playing from behind because that's not what i do as a football guy i'm just pissed off they didn't run the ball more.
Yeah, there are fans in all sports, and they're all related. It's run the football guy.
Yep. It's throw it into the post guy.
It's shoot the puck guy. And it's probably like bunt to get the runner over guy.
Those guys are all the exact same. They're cousins, and they all hang out and have shitty sports takes together.
And you know what? I share a lot of their shitty sports takes because i oftentimes say run the damn ball absolutely yeah no it's uh just make contact guy we need we need fewer guys that are hitting home runs and more guys that get situational hitting yeah exactly yeah hit why don't you just try to don't try to hit a home run hit it hit it to the opposite side of the field let the runners advance yeah bunt the ball against the full switch yeah right exactly get that post touch yeah just get it to the opposite side of the field. Let the runners advance.
Yeah, bunt the ball against the full switch. Yeah, right.
Exactly. Get that post-touch.
Just get it. Run the offense through your big man.
So, yeah, the Falcons are bad. The jerseys looked awesome.
Awesome. Although it's so funny that the peak of a franchise, when I looked at those, I was like, those jerseys remind me of the old Falcons.
And to me, the good old Falcons peaked at losing a Super Bowl because their starting cornerback got caught with a hooker the night before the game.

Correct.

The dirty bird.

Yeah.

Dirty bird Falcons.

And they really shouldn't even been in the Super Bowl because that Vikings team was maybe

the best team to not win a Super Bowl.

Right.

But Morton Anderson says the middle never changes.

Right.

All right.

Let's go off to Buffalo.

The Patriots beat the Bills. It was, well, it was a perfect Buffalo Sunday, right down to the fact that someone got married at halftime and Jim Kelly officiated.
That was so perfect. That is so Buffalo.
And I mean that in the most loving way. Like this was a huge day.
Bill's mafia showed up in, you know, was loud as hell. Their defense was awesome.
They were in the game the entire game, and they had someone get married at halftime. And for that reason, Buffalo, I love you.
I loved it. It was perfect, and it's a good player safety thing for Buffalo, too, if you have a wedding at halftime.
Basically, if you want your fans to stop bringing dildos into the game, then you need to make sure that as many of them are having sex with each other as possible. Here's what I don't know, though.
If these people get married at halftime of Bill's game, shouldn't they, by law, have like open bar for everyone for the second half? The entire stadium. Yes, they should buy a round for everyone in the stadium.
Yeah. Did they do the speak now or forever? Hold your peace Because that crowd.
Oh, there definitely would have been some cucks in that crowd. It would have been entirely silent except for one guy sliding down a banister on the upper deck and falling off.
Yeah. Oof.
Hank, thoughts on the game? The Bills defense and the Patriots defense were both incredible. No one looked good on offense.
And it pretty much came down to the special teams, bills or the patriots blocking a punt right so thoughts on josh allen getting hurt it's tough to see but i mean that's just it was a football play patriots guy didn't really do anything wrong he was just standing there in his position trying to stop him from getting the first first down josh allen runs so much like he does it runs well i'll defend hank for a second it was a're absolutely right. I saw it.
When the replay you showed us, it looked like there was nothing that the guy could have done. It wasn't a dirty head-to-head hit.
The guy was running with his head into... Correct.
But Josh Allen is so tall that trying to hit his head, it's like saying that you accidentally dunked. It also wasn't great because we were doing a live stream and you yelled, hit him! and then boom, he was knocked out.
Again, that's a football champ. So it felt like that is what you say when you're watching the game.
Yeah, hit him. Hit him.
My favorite is he's loose. Yeah.
I think that if you end up within a touchdown of the Patriots, you should get a bonus point. Yeah, I mean, it was one of those games.
I have another game like this. Actually, the next game we're going to talk about.
But it was one of those games there I have another game like this actually the next game we're talking about but I it was one of those games that the bills lost but they go away from it being like we have something here you know like we can and Matt Barkley coming in he did the thing where I love when when an old backup comes in and like the first two or three throws you're like oh maybe and then like oh And then like, oh, yeah. It's Matt Barkley.
Just kidding.

It's Matt Barkley.

Them going for that 4,000 scene.

Yeah.

That made no sense with a backup against the Patriots.

Yeah, just take the points.

But you know what?

You play to win the game.

Not with a backup.

Where does Barkley fall on the moxie meter for today?

Out of Dalton.

Six and a half Dalton's.

Yeah.

He's a California quarterback.

That's a good point. Yeah.
Is he suing for Western New York? Takes a little bit. Yeah, you could never have him.
A little too chill. Yeah, one of those guys.
But seriously, shout out to the Bills Mafia. I'd like to see more teams doing halftime ceremonies involving fans.
They should do divorces in New Orleans. Yeah, that would be good.
That would actually be great. Or like a bris at whatever double A baseball team Tim Tebow's playing on.

Yeah.

Tim Tebow just does the circumcisions at halftime of the baseball game.

Yep.

All right.

Chiefs lines.

Actually,

this was my other game where both teams can walk away being like,

you know what?

Not so bad.

So my home's first game indoors to quote the great Andy Reed.

Not all of Mozart's paintings were perfect.

He's going to be on football guy, the week nominee, but that is exactly what he said after the game. Hard-fought win.
I would step in and say probably none of Mozart's paintings were even very good. Yes.
Well, no, I bet you Mozart could paint. That dude could paint.
Mozart definitely painted and people were like, oh, that's really good, Mozart, because they didn't want to hurt his feelings. No, but when you're in the arts, when you're like one of those artsy guys, you have that, you can do everything.
Like, artsy guys, they can all play the guitar, they can all play the piano, they can all paint and do weird shit. You think Banksy can write a symphony? I think if you put a piano in front of Banksy, he could knock out some hot cross buns or something.
No, if you put a piano in front of Banksy, he would just put a grenade on it and then walk away and be like, whatever key this grenade falls on, that's my symphony. He would draw a big picture of an elephant and then the tusk would be all the keys.
Oh, yeah. There you go.
And then it would be... Get it? Yeah.
The ivory? And then Mickey Mouse would just be sliding down the tusk and it would just be... Yep, with the dollar bill hat.
Yep, there you go. It's like, got it.
We just Banksy. We just Banksy.
We just Banksy. Classical music.
Right there. Boom.
Done. Someone draw that Banksy for us.
That's actually a great Banksy. Do you think this was the highest BMI of any coach head-to-head matchup in the history of the NFL? Oh, man.
I'll say this about Coach Reed, though. He's never had an ankle injury.
Yeah. Because he's got enough stability in his cankles.
Those things. Probably wears prescription socks.
Those things are like concrete pillars that you just can't move those things. He would actually be a great defender in an N1 mixed state.
Yes. You would never get crossed out.
Never, ever. So, yeah, it was Matt Patricia versus Andy Reed.
Mahomes indoor. and as crazy crazy as this sounds the Lions kind of gave this game away because they should have won it but they also proved that they're sort of for real because they kept Mahomes to zero touchdown throws which was first time his career yep first time his career um and Matt Stafford I'm gonna say this Matt Stafford out-du patrick homes oh it was we're gonna go there we'll go there okay uh patrick homes did not look sharp he was missing guys he was he was throwing guys like he looked okay but he wasn't he wasn't patrick my home he also ran he ran a lot more this time so there was that fourth and eight where the seas parted in front of him and he ran for something like 25 yards on it.
He looked pretty good running. He was throwing a lot more to Kelsey underneath.
And by the way, Andy Reid's been listening to part of my take. They ran the little lateral play from Kelsey to McCoy.
Yes. I'm telling you, it's a future of football.
Yes. That one.
Yeah. Warren Sharp is definitely a consultant for the Kansas City Chiefs.
Yes. My biggest issue is Matt Patricia end end of the game.
I feel like every week. If you're a Lions fan, you're sitting there and you're like, this team is actually decent, okay? So they can make some noise.
But you go back to the Cardinals game. They were very conservative in the second half.
They basically gave that tie away. This game, Chiefs final drive, they're rushing three guys on every single play.
Rushing three guys in the NFL is the dumbest thing you can do like you yeah prevent defense you basically are just letting Patrick Mahomes pick you apart who wasn't even that good today and so I hate when teams do that and I feel like Matt Patricia you got to tighten it up man tighten it up I have an idea for how we can do that okay I feel like we're overdue for Matt Patricia to do something like this. You need to make a beard bet with your players.
Matt Patricia, I know you listen to the show. You need to say, if we win a playoff game, I'm shaving the beard.
Shaving or dying at blonde. Oh, that'd be nice.
You could also do that. Or dying at Honolulu blue.
He would look like the base tech for Metallica if he did that. I would be down for that.
I agree with you. Also, this was the fumble game.
Five fumbles in one quarter. Yeah.
And it felt like every single time we looked up, you're just like, what the fuck? What the fuck? It was the game in red zone that just yo-yos back and forth, and you have no idea what's going to happen until the end. So we need to find out when does Pat Mahomes play indoors again? Because then we need to fade him.
Because I do think he's allergic to air conditioning. Do they play the Texans this year maybe indoors? Check that schedule.
We got to figure out when Patrick Mahomes so we can fade him every single time. You're right.
He's the reverse. Maybe that is his one kryptonite, right? His ceilings.
The ceiling is literally the roof for Pat Mahomes. He can't handle the fact that he can't throw the ball like a million yards in the air when he's throwing it deep to someone.
He needs the sun. He's like a plant.
Also, you pointed out a very good point when we're watching this game, PFT. The fact that the Chiefs have all their wide receivers in single digits in the teens.
Annoying. It's so annoying.
I hate it. I hate it so much.
That's really the great point you pointed out. Yeah, no, it's absolutely correct.
It was. It was a great point.
They're all in the teens, and they all have, like, shoulder-length hair. Yes.
It's very tough for me to differentiate between Sammy Watkins and Mikul. Do we have the schedule? Someone find the schedule.
While you do, I'll tell you. No, I'm saying there's no more Dome games.
Oh, no more Dome games. Damn.
All right, so we'll have to wait to fade him until next year. Or the Super Bowl well they could play against the colts in the playoffs no i don't i do not think so do you want to talk about the colts let's talk about the colts good segue pft i know you did that on purpose the colts yeesh yeesh you let the raiders go east coast time zone and beat you yeesh they did not have ty hilton which hand up hand up i'm gonna man in my word i gave you the can't lose parlay i gave that to you it lost i don't know how it lost but it lost i didn't realize till the third quarter when they showed ty hilton on the sideline that he was out this was a recent thing.
Okay, so. At the time.
When I gave you the can't lose parlay, it could not lose. There was a material change between the time you gave the can't lose and between game time.
Thank you. So we'll have to try again next week.
But it's all invalid if there's a material change. Yes.
So the Raiders stole one from the Colts. John Gruden and Derek Carr are back together.
Mike Glennon, we had a tease of Mike Glennon. When we got those tweets saying Mike Glennon is warming up, I got so excited.
And the other thing I wrote down is Vontaze Perfect is a fucking asshole. That's true.
Is he allowed in London for next week's game? He's the worst. I'm pretty sure that if he tried to get a passport, they would just be like, ah.
So we were making the jokes. We saw that he was kicked out of the game.
I think he was giving people the finger and yelling at people and doing theatrics as he went out. I didn't look up the hit until right before we started the show.
I wanted to do my research to see if Vontaze Perfect maybe isn't a total asshole. Nope.
He's a total asshole. Did you see it? Yeah, he saw a head and he was like, I'm going to put my head on that head.
It was. It was.
He had to go out of his way to go helmet on helmet on that one. Remember the old Monday Night Football matchup logos that they used to do where it would just be two helmets crashing at each other? That's basically like a career highlight film of Vontaze Perfect.
That was sobering to think about, like thinking about what that was and how awesome it was. And now.
And they used to smash. Jacked up.
The Raiders are a prime candidate for our little drill that we do here of see how many players you can name off the top of your head real quick. And that's how many wins they'll have.
So what is it? Five seconds? Jacobs. Derek Carr.
Mike Glennon. nathan peterman fontes fontes perfect oh the guy the guy no the other guy the safety yeah yeah but the other guy the tight end guy the the the everyone's talking about him salman salman no no no oh and alec ingles wall wall.
And Engle. I think we ended up at about.
That's too many for them. I think in the time frame that was allotted, we ended up at about six.
Which feels right. Their roster turns over so much that John Gruden said that he had just met the Z receiver that they had out there today.
Yeah. He's like, no, I'm not kidding, man.
Just met him. Just met him.
Just met him. Just met him right before the game.
Looked me in my eye. I said, i said you can catch a football so this is the raiders are a perfect example of why gambling on the nfl is so stupid because that team stinks and they just went into indianapolis and won that's that team stinks and they won so road road game uh sunday oh go we need a first down boys it's it's third It's the fourth quarter with two minutes left in the game,

and the pressure's on.

Great uniform battle, by the way, in New Orleans and Dallas.

Before we get to the next game, quick word from our sponsor.

We're going to get right back to the show.

Introducing Instagram teen accounts,

a new way to keep your teen safer as they grow,

like making sure they've got the right gear for riding.

Kneepads.

Check.

And helmet.

Done. See you, Dad.
New Instagram teen accounts, automatic protections for of my take. Okay, next up.
Chargers, Dolphins. Say something nice about the Dolphins.
The Dolphins had a lead. That's very nice.
The Dolphins had a lead! That's really nice. Way to go, Dolphins.

Good job! Josh Rosen

threw a touchdown, and for a minute

they were winning. He didn't have a Josh Rosen

stat line today. Yes.
So, progress.

Well, he was 4-4 at one point.

Yes, there you go.

Their stadium looks like a very

cost-effective

and environmentally friendly toilet.

Their stadium, you can get in very easily because there's a lot of tickets. We're running out of movie clips to show different ways that dolphins are getting slaughtered.
Yeah. And to be totally honest, it's super depressing every single Sunday when we have to find something about actual dolphins dying.
Save the dolphins. Put it in to.
Yeah, we need to do a save the dolphin GoFundMe. Yeah.
They should just sell naming rights that are stadium to Greenpeace. Yeah.
So, yeah, the dolphins. That was our nice thing about the dolphins.
That was a good segment. Oh, Marlon's man doesn't seem to be associated with you in any way.
That's really good because you're bad. If you were good, he'd probably.
He would be there. And you can't stand out with that jersey.
Right. That's true.
That's true. Oh, Teddy, what are you doing? Teddy Bridgewater just got sacked.
Out of field goal range, you fucking idiot. Why would you do that? Now they're going to lose.
They're going to lose. We're not saying that.
How do you take that sack? We're not saying that. How do you take that sack, Teddy Bridgewater? You know what's going to happen? Cowboys are going to win by one point.
Correct. And we took the money on it.
And we're going to lose all of our bets. Right.
Exactly. I mean, how do you take that sack, Teddy Bridgewater? Congrats to Phillip Rivers.
He won a game going east. I know.
And he was not trailing in the fourth quarter. He's just playing every game against the Dolphins.
I think he said something about it after the game, like, we usually shoot ourselves in the foot when we play in this state. You are right, though.
The Chargers going east and playing in, like, the hot Miami sun and winning is just a testament to how bad the Dolphins are. In an early game.
They don't win that game. In any other year.
No, they don't. They do not win that game.
I can't believe Teddy took that sack.

Okay.

They're going to lose, Hank.

Nope.

They're going to lose.

They're going to lose.

I'm telling you right now.

Should we get to the elephant in the room here?

Yes.

Bears-Vikings?

Oh, you want to do Bears-Vikings?

You want to hop ahead?

That's the late games.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, wait.

We're going chronologically.

Don't jump the gun.

We got a lot of thoughts on that.

What about Mitch, though?

We're going to talk about all that.

Would you want Eli?

No.

Shut up.

All right.

That's a good way to get to Redskins Giants. No, I don't want fucking Eli.
Chase Daniel is good. Redskins Giants.
Daniel Jones dressed literally from Eli Manning's closet. Yes.
I cannot believe he showed up. Well, actually, I can believe he showed up like that.
But holy shit. He had a North Face backpack.
He looked like he was taking the train to Wall Street. He did.
As an intern at Goldman Sachs in the summertime. Hot seat Cam Newton.
Because this is real swag is no swag. They call him Danny Dimes because that's how much he spends on his wardrobe.
Incredible look from him. He like time has gone by and they just still have Eli.
Except he can be mobile now because Danny Jones can actually run and make plays with his feet. Yes, he looks like Eli Manning with stem cell therapy.
Yes. Like he's a functioning body that is contained inside Eli.
It is a fake injury to stop Dwayne Haskins yes by the way uh-huh yeah well so here's the thing they said all week long Jay Gruden said all week long the season's not lost we're not going to play Dwayne Haskins just because but Hank the Giants are playing their rookie quarterback we're not going to do it. Right on the wall.

I could see it from a mile away.

Hank saw it.

So something happened in the first or second quarter where Jay Gruden was like,

yeah, the season is officially lost.

I agree with you.

That is a terrible, terrible way to have your rookie quarterback,

your first-round draft pick, enter the season.

Why not?

Okay.

Good organization lets their rookie quarterback start after a bye week yeah right lets them get and get into the flow feel like they're they know what's going on get first team reps decent organization lets their rookie quarterback start and lets them know on monday morning so they get the first team reps and they get the game plan and the install and everything like that. Like shitty, but shitty, just shitty level organization gives their rookie quarterback half time to know that they're going into the game.
The Redskins don't even do that. No, they don't.
They let them go into the second quarter. They don't even give them half time.
They're like, hey, we need to say it was 15 minutes. It's very clearly a case of Dan Snyder picking up the red emergency phone that he keeps.
Unreal. He just has a cell phone.
He has a special cell phone in his pocket that's spray-painted red that he uses to call the coach when it's an emergency. And this was – frankly, it was bad.
It was a very bad way to put him in. I will spin zone and say this was a trap game for the Redskins.
Yep. So a divisional opponent with a rookie quarterback,

you probably underestimated him.

So I'm going to chalk this one up to a trap game.

Fortunately,

next weekend,

we've got the Patriots at home to get back on.

Actually,

that's a trap game for the Patriots next week.

Let's do the new thing.

We're doing.

Guess that line.

GTL.

Okay.

GTL.

Jim Tam laundry.

Guess that line.

I'm going to say,

where is it? Redskins at Redskins that line. I'm going to say.
Where is it? Redskins? At Redskins? I'm going to say Patriots minus 17 and a half. I'm going to say 15 and a half.
13 and a half. Whoa.
Well, I'm going to get very rich this week. Damn, way off.
I was way off. No, no, no.
That's my guess. Oh.
Would you have it? No. Who has it? 16.
16. There you go.
So none of us won. I won.
I had 15 and a half. You can't go under.
I bought the extra half point, though. Okay, got it.
Yeah. By the way, that was a great job of GTL.
Check this out. The Redskins, I don't know.
So you're very obviously not going to keep Jay Gruden, right? You have a murderer's row of potential interim head coaches on the defensive side of the football. You have Jim Tomsula.
Yep. And you have Rob Ryan.
Yep. Either one of both of them.
Roll both of them out there together. Make either one of those guys would be an awesome interim head coach.
Terrible head coach. Yes.
But for one week, give me Jim Tom. I like that.
Just like making his players roll around on a bed of glue and thumbtacks all week. Dude, Jimbo getting out there.
I fucking need it. We need Jimbo out there.
All right. So there's 34 seconds left in this game.
Hold on. Let's finish the Redskins Giants and we'll watch the rest of this game.
Drew Brill Peppers. Nice game.
Also, I realize that everyone now is calling a guy who is going to be. He was actually in the Heisman conversation when he was at Michigan.
He is now just referred to as guy in the Odell trade. Yep.
That was when everyone was like, hey, remember the guy in Odell trade? I think the Saints just scored a touchdown, which would be huge. That would be wonderful for us.
Because I took them second half as well. Show me that score bug update.
I took them second half as well. Give me the bug.
Give us the bug. Give me the bug.
Bug. this dead i might give me the bug give me the bug give me the bug bug bug and that's gonna be uh not a fumble incomplete pass damn it okay uh so jabril peppers who is the guy in the odell trade now really nice game and the giants defense played very, very well.
Now, I don't know if that was because of Dwayne Haskins, but yeah, they played very well, which was the first time in a very long time. I actually read somewhere, someone wrote, like, this is the best Giants defensive performance in 10 years, which seems incredible.
Well, it does seem incredible until you realize you've got to weigh that for who they're playing against. Yeah.
Okay. Should we pause the show for this last play? Let's pause the show for this last play.
Well, there's a few more plays. Well, hopefully this is the last play.
Second down at 10. Hopefully this is the last play.
Get him. Get him.
Oh. Oh, yes.
Okay. You can.
Oh, no. There's a flag.

Second and 20.

25 seconds left.

Dak, you suck.

Dak, you suck.

You suck.

You suck.

You suck.

Oh, no.

He drew a quadruple coverage.

That's an old Kellen Moore special right there.

Oh, the dome is rocking. Is it time to ask if the shine is coming off Kellen Moore? This was a classic game.
We said it before. They've beaten nobody.
I think the Cowboys are good, but be wary. How about Jerry Jones on Bourbon Street? Are we sure they're good? Okay.
It is second and ten. Two seconds left.
Last play of the game. Dax and shotgun.
We have ten personnel. Ten personnel on the field.
You don't really see. Oh, they blitzed.
I love that. I love the blitz there.
Great blitz. Didn't give him a chance.
Knock it down. And it's intercepted.
Knock it down. Good play call.
All right. Boom.
Game over. Boom.
He's going to hurt his thumb giving a thumbs up. Hank, Moneyline.
Moneyline Saints felt good. Good job, Hank.
Way to go, everyone. Again, this was another game where I don't think I saw Jason Garrett talk the entire game.
I don't think that he speaks during games. Good game, boys.
Way to go. Okay.
Let's get back into it. That was great.
Felt good. I don't know how much we'll use.
Whatever. You want to actually talk about that game real quick? Let's talk about that game real quick.
Cowboys-Saints. This was, we were talking about it beforehand.
This was a classic case of Cowboys. While I think they are a good team, they have played no one.
And so having to go to the Dome, the Dome is different. You know that.
Is a tough place to go, and their offense looked pedestrian. and they're running a master class the saints on why you should actually pay a competent backup yeah because Teddy Bridgewater now has a win in Seattle and a win at home against Dallas Drew Brees can come back in a month and they will still be in striking distance of all their goals right you just need a quarterback to tread water for the time that Drew Brees is going to be.
And they showed him before the game. He was doing thumb exercises.
He was like, he was in thumb wars. That's got to be a sick injury to come back from.
Just Drew, go home and play video games. Yeah.
Or just literally thumb war all your seven kids, but not your daughter because you don't include her. No, that's right.
In anything. Real shame.
Yes. They're definitely going to be doing that motorcycle celebration in the locker room afterwards.
Yeah. Okay.
So speaking speaking of the cowboys overreaction it's a good segue to the next game we got the overreaction bowl the browns and the ravens so the browns were dead after sunday night football freddie kitchens we all had our laughs the ravens were anointed one of the best teams in the afc after beating the miami dolphins and the ari the Arizona Cardinals and playing the Chiefs semi-tough, although it was a lot of garbage time.

You come out there and it's like, oh shit, this is why it's hard to predict the NFL and week to week a team that just wants it more, which it seemed like the Browns did, can look completely different.

They actually ran the ball and now the Ravens are looking at giving up over 1,000 yards total in the last two weeks, and their defense sucks. That's a very nuanced take, Big Cat, but nuance doesn't play in the big leagues.
I'm going to give you a much easier take. The Ravens are frauds.
Ravens are hot frauds. Ravens are frauds.
Hot frauds. They're fraudulent footballs.
I don't know what fraud means in the context of a football team, really, but it feels great to call a team a fraud. I was told that the Ravens would be great, and I heard you say this earlier, but there's some truth to it, that when you see the color of the Ravens' jerseys on defense, you think that they're going to be good just because they used to be good.
Ray Lewis and Sox and Reed. It's the exact same principle of why we keep electing Kennedys and Bushes.
Right. Oh, there's another one.
Oh, yeah. Let's put that guy in office.
He won't fuck everything up. Yeah, that's stability.
Worst thing he'll do is run away from a car crash. Start a war.
Yeah, that sort of thing. It is kind of confusing seeing the defense look really, really bad, especially against the Browns whose offense didn't look great over the last couple weeks.
But they ran the ball. But how much credit are we giving to Rex Ryan for this, for lighting a fire? What did I tell you last week? True.
Baker needs to be pissed off. Yes.
And he hasn't been pissed off recently. And like we said, the meatball, they ran the ball.
Nick Chubb was awesome. They ran the damn ball.
They established the run, and everything went off of that. And so let me ask you this.
Odell, Jarvis Landry was awesome. He got, I think, concussed in the third quarter.
He was awesome until that point. Odell did not have big numbers.
But it's a classic case of if Odell's not on the field, everyone else doesn't eat because everyone's covering Odell and they're putting a lot of attention on him. Do you think Odell is okay with that? Week in and week out.
Not quote unquote eating. Am I not? Do I think that a video? Do I go viral? Not that one.
Do I think that Odell is going to be pissed off because he doesn't eat? Eat. I think.
Yeah. Well, I think he's going to be more mad that he got his earring ripped out.
That was a tough break. That does suck.
He got pinned to the ground. That was bound to happen.
He wasn't wearing too much jewelry. He was hanging out with the Kardashians.
Didn't he date Khloe for a little bit? Did he? That's a big Kardashian thing. Get your jewelry stolen.
Are you sure? I don't think so. I think you might have made...
Look that up. I'm 92% sure that I'm right, that he at least has had sex with somebody related to the Kardashians.
I don't think so. Look it up.
Look it up. If you did, that's nice to me.
Then I'm'm a fraud. Okay, Hank, look it up.
I have a prediction. Check that, Hank.
I have a prediction. John Harbaugh is going to be giving a lot of post-game press conferences where he explains why math is correct.
Yes. He went for two.
He's a math whiz. He's one of our new math whizzes where it's so awesome.
When I explained it to the people we were watching with, everyone looked at me like I was... I don't actually know the statistics behind it, but I just know if you're down 14 and you score a touchdown, go for two.
Yep. And then when everyone says, that's so stupid, and then I say, ha-ha, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It's more than 50% chance you're going to get one of the two-point conversions, you idiot. I would just always go for two.
Always go for two. And he got it.
Yeah, because... But then the Browns scored like seven more touchdowns.
I feel like the media landscape's changed enough where if you just go for two all the time, everybody would be like, that's a great call. I love his...
That guy... He believes in his guys.
That's what he does. He believes in his guys.
Analytics. And he hates kickers.
He's an analytical coach. Yeah.
He's going for two and going for it on fourth down. It's true.
The tides have changed where if you just get aggressive, the nerds on Twitter will back you up and the dumb fans like ourselves will be like, well, there's some kind of math behind this. I don't really understand.
So I'll just trust it. I'm used to seeing coaches or players kick field goals after touchdowns.
So why are they not kicking a field goal? That's insane. Hank.
No, not dating. No, but Not dating.
There was pictures once where they were just talking to each other. Wow.
PFT. Very misogynistic.
You think every woman you talked to you had sex with? Well, I mean. Damn.
He didn't talk to Lena Dunham and he didn't have sex with her. Damn.
Well, yeah, that was a bet. They don't like each other.
Lena's probably not drafting Odell on her fantasy team. She doesn't like him because he didn't hit on her.
He swerved her. Curved? Curved.
He curved, swerved. What swerved? Curved.
What swerved? Curved stomped her. Swerved.
Nope. Not American History X.
Shout out to that. Great movie.
Also, I want to have a word with whoever introduced the Harbaugh brothers to transition lenses. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. That's a big thing.
Yeah. Both of them now are wearing the glasses that turn dark all the time.
Yes. Depending on their mood.
I like it. Depending on how far behind they are in a game, they get progressively darker.
Yeah. I want to see a new millennial coach rocking Google Glass on the sidelines.
Ooh. Cliff.
Cliff Kingsbury. I bet you will get that.
Hear me out. Some telecast will make us do it.
I want to see Freddie Kitchens wearing Google Glass on the sideline.

Yeah.

That would be perfect.

He would be so confused.

He'd probably get vertigo.

Whoop-de-hell.

He'd probably convince himself he had vertigo.

Yeah.

Like, dude, they're not even on.

Don't worry about it.

All right.

Oh, ready for this?

No.

Ready for this statement?

Go there.

Cleveland Browns are in first place for the first time since 2014. Good job, Cleveland.
There you go, Cleveland. And they're rocking the neon Browns every week.
It's got to feel great that they're back because it was that Sunday night loss to the Rams. We're going one and two.
Big road game coming up against the Ravens. Now you're two and two.
You're feeling good. And no matter what happens.
The rest of the division is kind of trash. No matter what happens in the Monday night game, they're still going to be in first place.
Correct. Yeah, and you stole one on the road in Baltimore.
Right, and you still get to play the Bengals and the Steelers four times. I love that.
So you've got that in front of you. Okay, next up, the game that Red Zone forgot.
We talk about this all the time, but there's always one game on Sunday that Red Zone just forgot because there's just no exciting plays. They play in the middle of the field.
You have to actually say to yourself, oh, yeah, that game's going on. You know which game I'm talking about.
Tell me. You're talking about the Texans and the Panthers.
Yes. I don't even think they played play.
I saw no plays. That game and then also the Chargers-Dolphins game.
They should replay those games in their entirety on Tuesday and Wednesday night. And say they're live.
Say they're live. Nobody would ever know the difference.
They would absolutely not know. All I know is I saw a couple highlights, and it was basically just Christian McCaffrey being awesome.
And Ron Rivera has his wet dream team now in a weird way. Now the cam's out.
They can just make Christian McCaffrey being awesome and Ron Rivera has like his wet dream team now in a weird way now the cams out they can just like make Christian McCaffrey he's touched the ball 37 times that's awesome 37 27 carries 10 10 receptions that's sustainable and just play some defense that's it just like hey one guy's good just make sure he has the ball half the time and then play some defense. And then have Luke Keekly make 17 tackles.
And that's Ron Rivera football, baby. Thomas Davis still out there? No, he's not.
Okay. Well, yeah, Luke, you need to do actually 24 tackles.
Yeah, Luke, can you break your arm and play on it? Because our defense kind of thrives off that kind of spark. I did also see that Deshaun Watson didn't go home after the game.
He went back onto the field and got some extra work done. Oh, and got carted off? Oh.
I'm going to say this right now. J.J.
Watt saw that and was pissed off. Yeah, he was.
He probably just drove out of his driveway and sped to the stadium. He was like, no one's going to outwork me.
I need to go stand on the field, too. Deshaun Watson.
Oh, please save Deshaun Watson. He got sacked six times.
Oh, that sucks. So, yeah, he's getting smoked.
That does suck, though. It does.
He's getting killed. He gets killed every single game, and this is why we cannot trust the Texans.
Even though I was ready to trust them last week, they go and do this, and they lose to a team they probably should have beaten at home, and Deshaun Watson gets fucking crushed again because their offensive line sucks. Yeah, Kyle Allen also lost three fumbles.
Yeah.

But does he have small hands?

I don't know.

I don't know what those sabermetrics are,

but I think that he was also drafted in the sixth round.

So it's between him, Gardner Minshew,

and Luke Falk to see who the new Tom Brady is.

I might have just made that up about Kyle Allen.

He feels like – no, he was undrafted, I think.

He does have small hands.

Okay.

Yeah.

Does he really?

Yeah, nine and three-eighths. Yeah.
Okay, there we go. People asked him afterwards if his hand size has anything to do with it, and he said it has nothing to do with it.
That's a really embarrassing question to ask a guy. But it's also correct.
Yeah, he's like Alex Smith of the South. Your hands are small, dude.
I didn't know that. I never would have bet on the Panthers if I had known that.
Also, Bill O'Brien ran maybe the worst trick play in history. I didn't see it.
It was about the level of creativity you would expect from Bill O'Brien. I think it was a reverse, but then a pass across the field that your wide receiver threw across the entire field, and it was probably the easiest interception I've ever seen.
That makes sense. It makes perfect sense.
He's trying to be like Doug Johnson, except I don't think that, yeah. Bill O'Brien, he watches good coaches on television, and he's like, I'm a coach.
I can be a good coach like that guy too, but he just has zero creativity. Someday when I grow up, I'm going to coach like that guy.
Yeah, because he's never going to get fired. No.
He's the general manager. What is he going to do, fire himself? He has everything in Houston.
PFC, I have a CK question for you. Okay.
Promo code TAKE. $10 off.
CK question. Go to a game.
Go to an NFL game. CK question.
Is Jameis Winston good? I think he's reached the point where we have to ask the question of Bruce Arians. Is he good? Let me give you a CK question right back.
Okay. Did Bruce Arians finally get through to Jameis Winston?

We watched that entire game, and the Rams' defense was terrible.

But Jameis Winston was good.

And he even was doing the things like you could count on Jameis Winston.

He did throw a pick six, which is almost perfect.

Like, hey, remember this guy?

I'm still in here. He

gave us a little taste of that,

but he did the thing where

Jameis Winston backpedaling,

arms flopping everywhere,

doesn't throw a pick. And you're like,

what's going on? Mike Evans is going on.

Mike Evans is going on. Godwin

is going on. Godwin is insane.

Going off. Going off and on.

And yeah, I don't

really know what to make of these Bucs

Thank you. Mike Evans is going on.
I remembered he had Mike Evans. Godwin is going on.
Godwin is insane. Going off.
Going off and on. And, yeah, I don't really know what to make of these Bucs.
I think they're just going to be in fun games every week. You know how I'm going to file this one? They're coming off a long week.
After those are Danny Dimes? They had, oh, shit, I forgot about that week. Yeah.
Oh, you were thinking of the other week. I was thinking about the other week.
They've had. No, you can fix this.
They're coming off a long two weeks.

Yeah.

Last week was off a long week, and they overthought it.

And now they're back in their normal swing of things, in their routine.

So they're able to game plan properly.

Yeah.

Okay.

Got it.

So they're feeling the normal.

They're getting back into the saddle.

They're feeling good about a seven-day schedule as opposed to a to a 12 game schedule I love when these random games break out where it's just a big 12 game in the NFL and it was awesome to watch Shaq Barrett has 9 sacks through 4 games 9 that's a lot 9 that's insane and Jared Goff threw for 517 yards he had a pretty good game that's all I saw yeah dude for throwing for over 500 yards, you have to be really good. That's insane.
And Jared Goff threw for 517 yards. He had a pretty good game.
That's all I saw. Yeah.
Dude, for throwing for over 500 yards, you have to be really good. That's pretty impressive.
Like, really good. Hank, what are your thoughts on that? That's very impressive.
Yeah. I didn't see any other part of his stats, but 517 yards, that's a lot.
I bet Bruce Arians. I saw a stat where it's like he was 6-1 against other number one draft picks.
That's just the odds. Sometimes it comes the other way.

That's right.

That's true.

That's a good point.

I bet Bruce Arians fucking hates Sean McVay.

Just a feeling I get from him.

Two different styles of coach entirely.

Sean McVay has a photographic memory.

Bruce Arians drinks paint to forget the lifetime that he spent in Cleveland.

Sean McVay has his perfectly manicured beard. Bruce Arians has that bright red face that looks like he's eight whiskeys deep at all times.
Yeah, that matches the tint of his sunglasses that he wore today. Yes, those sunglasses were so swaggy.
Yeah, well, here's a downside to Sean McVay. You know the old saying, like, this guy's forgotten more about football than you'll ever know? No one will ever say that about Sean McVay because he remembers everything.
That's true. That's not cool.
The other thing that the Bucs have going for him, and this is going to sound stupid because I feel like most teams have this, but for some reason, if you have a coach that was recently fired on your staff as a defensive or offensive coordinator, I just feel like you're cheating because you have more brainpower. You have two head coaches.
Yeah, when I see Todd Bowles, I'm like, whoa. They have a shitload of guys.
Great coach. Yeah, but he got fired for a reason.
Right. But my brain says, oh, my God, they have so much going on here.
They have all these head coaches, head coach caliber guys. It's incredible.
Their staff is loaded. Yeah, like a movie that's got uh like glenn close uh doing a cameo in it you're like oh she's won an academy award this must be a great movie right like he was a coach he someone hired him as a head coach now he's our defensive coordinator that's awesome counterpoint wade phillips is a coach of the rams yeah but that no i think the same thing neither defense played particularly well it was a 50 burger against an almost 50 burger.
It was one of those Rams. Yeah, but that, no, I think the same thing.
Neither defense played particularly well. It was a 50-burger against an almost 50-burger.
Yeah, but it was one of those things. Sometimes games just get out of hand.
You can't rein it in. Also, it's just, you know, it's not the same.
You know, it just gets out of hand. It's great to see, we got Byron Leftwich on the sidelines as a quarterback's coach.
Yep. So when Byron Leftwich.
Who's skinnier now than Jameis is. Yeah, when Byron Leftowitz goes and gets...
I think he's actually offensive coordinator now. When Byron Lefkowitz gets a head coaching job and then gets fired two years later and then comes back, that's just more brain power.
I like it. I'm going to be like, holy shit.
Now they're going to win the Super Bowl. You know how Bruce Arians was saying he was psyched to get a C on his health test? Yes.
Is it possible that he's dead and this is a weekend at Bernie situation where the team the team is being run by todd bulls and byron leftwich yeah and arians is rocking bright red sunglasses so no one can see his eyes i mean i i don't think that you could be that well except for the fact that he fixed james winson that's true yeah he has fixed him well he's gotten through to him yes he's gotten through to him all right let's go to bruce arian's former team the cardinals Seahawks Cardinals yuck uh this game was over almost instantly Jadavian Clowney with a pick six and then it was like okay this game's over so the only thing I wrote down was did you know that the Cardinals do you know the Cardinals kickers first name no Zane oh that's sweet you can't win with a kicker named Zane I think you can he missed like a bunch of kicks you can win with a kicker named sweet. You can't win with a kicker named Zane.
I think you can with a kicker named Zane.

He missed, like, a bunch of kicks.

You can win with a kicker named Zane.

You can't win with a quarterback named Zane.

No, you can't win with a kicker named Zane.

When a Zane goes for the game-winning kick in the fourth quarter,

you're not making it.

It would be great for Berman, though.

It would, but listen.

And Zane in the membrane.

When you say to yourself, like, hey, Zane's coming out. I think his name's Zane Gonzalez.
Because Zane Gonzalez is coming out for the big kick. No.
Uh-uh. Okay, it doesn't sound right.
Not to go off on a whole chase tangent, but Zane does sound like a guy that rides like a go-ped and sells weed to surfers. Yeah, Zane has frosted tips, even though it's still not the late 90s anymore.
And he probably has a pacifier in his mouth because he's just so high on Molly all the time. Zane's.
He's making mashups stoned in his basement of Crazy Town and the Beatles. Yeah.
And saying, hey, you got to check this one out. Yeah.
And Zane is definitely dating girls that are like 60. Like, Zane, is that girl 16? You're like, no, no, dude.
She's told me she's 18. It's like, yeah, Zane.
Yeah, I don't know, Zane. She drove over here.
Yeah, dude. Yeah, she drove over here with her mom's minivan.
Yeah, no, she's definitely Zane. I don't know, dude.
I'll say this. I would not let a guy named Zane do my taxes or hang out with my children.
Or kick. But I would let him kick for the Arizona Cardinals.
I feel like that's a safe space for Zanes. Zane is the.
How much damage could a person named Zane do to the reputation of the Arizona Cardinals franchise? Here's where Zane is if you want a Zane in your organization. Zane is the guy who makes the smoothies next to where you lift in the fucking facility.
That's Zane. Zane is your pseudo-nutritionist who will also slip you some steroids.
Yes. That's Zane.
Yeah, okay. You can see how that Zane works.
I can, but it's one of these things where it's no harm, no foul. It's the Arizona Cardinals.
I would not expect a Zane to be a kicker for a reputable franchise. Our stats department just texted us Zane was the Browns kicker for the 0-16 season.
Okay. That's Zane.
Yeah. I don't know how it didn't register, but Zane is not a kicker that you can't win with a Zane.
And if Zane listens to the show and he's an AWL, I take back everything I said. What about a chase, Big Cat? Can you win with a chase? Well, you want to do the chase? You want to do the chase Daniel game? I had a couple more notes about that game.
Okay. Other than Zane.
Other than Zane. Believe it or not, Luke Wilson.
Yes. He hauled in two of the most chillest catches in NFC West history.
He didn't score a touchdown. He didn't, but he had two sweet catches.
Because a Seahawks tight end scored a touchdown. As Disley.
You jumped out of your seat. You're like, is that Luke? I thought it was Luke.
I was excited. But no, they were just like, they were real nice, relaxed catches.
They were nice. Luke's back, baby.
It is what it is. It's not what it's not.
And then I'm starting to draw a little comparison. It's a take that I'm working on right here.
I think the stars are going to fall in line on this as we keep exploring a little bit. But I think that Russell Wilson is football Steph Curry.
Russell Wilson is football Steph Curry. Now, follow me on this.
He's a little undersized. Mouthguard?

They're both undersized.

They both wear wax shoes.

Their wives are more attractive than they are.

They have championships, but neither one has a finals or Super Bowl MVP.

They both lost their teams a championship on a last-second shot-slash-pass.

And Russell Wilson's mouthpiece, there's some tomfoolery going on. There is.
He sticks it in his helmet all the time, and so when he's running around, if somebody hits his helmet, or if there's a head-to-head collision, it goes flying like a little mini flag letting the refs know that they should throw theirs. I'll be honest with you, I don't hate it, except for the fact that my brain can never make a basketball-football crossover unless it's a tight Okay.
Like I can't. I'm just thinking Russell Wilson, he's chonk.
I'm following. He's got that booty.
Yeah. He's tough to bring down.
Steph Curry in the pocket would get smoked. So that's where if you just want to go tight ends.
Okay. Former Seahawks tight end.
Jimmy Graham used to play basketball. Is Draymond Green.
Yeah. Okay.
I I'm with you the Warriors have many basketball players on their team yeah please keep it simple okay I'm just saying there are going to be more things that fall into line I've got a whole okay pay Sylvia thing going on put that in our tickler file okay uh you want to do the chase game chase Daniel let's talk about chase let's talk about chase chase Daniel is quarterback. Well, he got the Bears are back.
He got the quarterback save. The quarterback save.
So they were winning when he got in, and they were winning when the game was over. Okay.
So Chase Daniel. Now, I don't know how I'm going to phrase this.
Well, let me start here. Addition by subtraction.
No, no, no here I said I said this I said this like last

week or the week before this is this Bears team is a parody of every Bears team ever ever my entire life this is the Bears team they play good defense there's a quarterback that everyone's like the whole city's like I don't know I don't know and then to add on all of that we now have the backup come in and play well and so we will get calls to ESPN 1000 and 670 the score and people saying you got to play Chase Daniel he's the quarterback Chase Daniel is a good backup quarterback Chase Daniel can run the offense I actually think that the way Chase Daniel plays will be complimentary to this defense and the fact that if you saw the first half, I think the Vikings had two possessions. Chase Daniel is just going to hit like four yards, four-yard slants and four-yard outs and hand the ball off, and the Bears will control the clock and play defense and win games ugly.
And that is Chicago Bears football. And now that we have the backup in, it is the perfect – we like completed the circle for the perfect Chicago Bears parody season that is taking place right now I think that Chase has a lower ceiling but a higher floor I would agree with that than Mitchell does yeah no he's not going to make mistakes he's not going to lose you the game but he also the problem with Chase Daniel is if the Bears ever get into a game where they have to score and have to throw the ball downfield he's not going to be that guy but if you're talking about winning games in the middle of october and winning with your defense chase daniel is perfectly adequate to do that right so do we want to apologize to chases because we put them on well some might say that we motivated week.
Yeah. Yeah, okay.
We can add a list of one thing that Chases can do, and that is be a backup quarterback on the Bears. Also, Chase Daniel.
I had a long-time series that I used to write about. I think I had the starting five all-fat-face team, and I'd update it every year back when I used to blog.
Chase Daniel, Hall of Fame fat face. Good fat face.
That guy, he's not fat, but his face is very fat. Yes, he's got it.
And his face is always round. And you know what? We were getting to the point where it was time to start breaking out the word anemic when talking about the Bears offense.
I always love that because that's one of the only big words that talk radio show hosts know. It's like aberration and anemic are the two big words.
Yep. And the Bears offense was looking anemic, and today they exploded.
With one touchdown. With one touchdown.
For 16 points. Is that what they ended up with? Yeah.
It's a good one. Yeah.
So this is the new look Bears. We are fucking crushing it now.
I think that every time a starting quarterback gets injured instead instead of the Fox NFL music, they should play the succession theme song as they're taken off the field. Yeah, I like that.
No, but seriously, in all honesty, I think Chase Daniels is a fine backup. You are correct that in terms of making mistakes, having games where Mitch would have those games where it looked like he couldn't even see the field, I don't think Chase is Chase can do that but if the Bears get in a shootout they're fucked whereas Mitch at least could maybe give you a chance if you know he was making plays with his feet they're just gonna have to rely on their defense and good thing is they have the fucking best defense of the league and we're missing Roquan Smith and Akeem Hicks today and didn't even miss a beat killed Kirk Cousins our.
Our guy, I don't even know if he's our guy, but Nick Kwiatkowski, who is West Virginia linebacker, remember him? He played for Roquan Smith, and he was awesome. He just got a great name, Kwiatkowski.
And Kirk Cousins, I feel bad for you, bro. I don't really feel bad.
I feel bad for you, bro. I don't.
Do you see his beard that he's growing after the games? He's grown a beard, and was wearing like an old timey outfit. Like he, he looked like a bartender that would serve you an overpriced cocktail that you would absolutely hate.
Who does, who do the Vikings have next week? Cause I'm sure they have someone terrible. I'll say this.
He's going to just fucking crush them. There's also trouble in paradise working right now between Thielen and Kirk cousins.
So after the game, Adam Thielen said, at some points we have to start being able to throw the ball downfield.

So they're about to enter into the most passive-aggressive war ever.

Those two, it's going to be like they're going to be leaving notes for each other.

Yep.

Hey, man, I noticed that you read through my copy of Chicken Soup

for the Coach's Son's Soul, but I was actually reading it

and you didn't put the bookmark back in the right place. They play the Giants okay so that's actually a game that kirk at home probably no in new york that could be a get right game that could be a get right game it could be they it's very funny though i mean i think most like i have a bunch of friends who are vikings fans and i was texting with them in the game they hate kirk cousins i don't know if any Vikings fan likes Kirk Cousins, but it's just days like today are a reminder of just how much because he can trick you, and then you've got to be reminded that, oof.
Not on the field. Yeah, yeah.
No, no, he can. In random games, he'll have a game where, you know, everything will be going right.
I'm going to list off the top of my head the teams that Kirk Cousins would beat the shit out of. Okay? There's the Raiders, the Cardinals.
The Dolphins. They would beat the Dolphins.
They would beat the Brakes off the Redskins. They would beat the Jets.
The Bengals. They would beat the Bengals.
And I think that's about it. So we just need to schedule those.
Yeah. So those are teams that Kirk Cousins should be circling every year on the calendar.
I did the thing where I looked back to some of Matt Nagy's old quarterbacks to see who he's going to bring in as his backup because right now they've just got tariq cohen right color jay cutler is on there he's on the list you would obviously want jay back uh the really there are no real options because his backups most recently were pat mahomes oh um we should bring him and alex smith We should bring him in. So you'd rather have Pat Mahomes as your quarterback

than Mitch Trubisky?

Yeah, I would.

Interesting.

You didn't get me on that.

Okay.

No, I've said that.

Okay, got it.

I mean, would I have any credibility if I said differently?

I want to double check.

People can stop tweeting me that now.

It's literally just a random tweet now.

I think I tweeted something about the Saints game, and someone said, oh, no, I tweeted about Arch Manning, who's going to be a quarterback in the NFL for 20 years. I said Arch Manning is going to play in the NFL for 20 years, isn't he? First reply.
Yeah. And Mitch won't even play for five because he sucks dick.
It's well said. I can't go on Twitter anymore.
It's well said. Some team, hopefully this is what Washington's doing, and they're making dummies out of all of this, are going to be tanking for the next five to six years just so that they can get Arch Manning as a quarterback.
Let the tanking process begin right now. So I went back to Matt Nagy's quarterbacks, and it's slim pickings.
Basically, you have to choose between Vince Young and Chad Henney those are hidden in those those are his backups yeah so you could get RG3 well we're gonna have that weird situation here because the Bears have to go to London so they have to get on a flight probably Monday or Tuesday and they have to get a backup quarterback in almost right away yeah so that will fun. Is there a quarterback already over in London that's just hanging out? Piers Morgan.
Yeah, he could do it. Terry Kane, just goal line set.
He can only score from five yards out. Have him be a fullback.
That's a little soccer joke for everyone out there. I get it.
It's coming home. Yeah.
Football's coming home. So, yeah, the Vikings, I feel like the Vikings are, I don't know what they do now.
Because week one they looked awesome. Then they almost, they should have beaten the Packers, looked awesome week three, and they got the shit kicked out of them this week.
They do have a Dunn chain on them, so it weighs heavily around the Viking neck. Just one point of order.
This has been irritating me for a while. I don't think that it should count as a sack if you strip somebody.
If you strip a quarterback and you don't tackle him. And I know that forcing a fumble counts as a tackle technically.
I just don't like the idea that a player gets credited for a sack when they cause a fumble and they don't tackle the quarterback. That's it.
That might be just me on that. All right, we'll put that down.
I've noted it. Okay, thank you.
Yeah, I have noted it. All right, right.
Last game we have Jaguars Broncos Minshew mania. Yes.
Is so fucking real. That guy, that guy it's Moxie.
Yeah. When he gets the ball in the fourth quarter and they need to go, you know, whatever, 60 yards for, for the, for the, for the, uh, field goal to win the game.
I don't think anyone doubted that he was going to do it. No, he's going to do it.
You want to know what he makes me feel like right now? Oh, yeah, yeah, go ahead. I'm going to close my eyes and think about Gardner Minshew.
He makes me feel like lighting an anthill on fire by puking 151 on it and then flicking a marble red. That's Gardner Minshew.
That would be pretty sick. Leonard Fournette, finally.
He makes me feel like chugging rumplemints out of a pinzoil carton. There you go.
That's Gardner Minshew. That's Gardner Minshew, baby.
That's Gardner Minshew. His dad is going to go to every game and just be a beefcake everywhere.
He makes me want to circumcise myself with a guillotine. Okay, that's enough.
Leonard Fournette was awesome. And Broncos fans, I don't know what you do.
That's a rebuild. Well, listen.
That's a rebuild, dude. That defense.
John always struggled against the Jaguars at home, too. Yeah.
People forget about that playoff game. Mark Brunell.
Listen, Flacco has had two game-winning drives that his defense gave up. So, I'm going to say problems on the other side of the ball.
He wasn't bad, and the defense actually had a sack for the first time in the season. But what do you do if you're – like what are you going to – they might be the team that just loses very close games.
I guess maybe you can convince yourself like, hey, you know the old saying, like first you lose big, and then you lose small, and then you start winning. That's what liars tell themselves.
Right. Because what actually happens is first you lose, and then you get a good quarterback and then you start winning that's like that's what liars tell themselves right because what actually happens is first you lose and then you get a good quarterback and then you win then you win that's it's a very simple equation yes i was being facetious talking about joe flacco he didn't play bad he didn't play bad today but he's he's not good but even that even what we're saying right now tells you that it's just like you got to restart everything the fact that we're sitting here and they're owing for we're like but jo, but Joe Flacco didn't play bad.
We're settling for him. That's what we're doing.
We're settling. He's tall.
He's on paper. He's great.
But you know what? He doesn't make me feel alive when I look at him, unlike when I look at Gardner Minshew, and he throws that double fake screen pass to the seam route, and it feels like listening to – it feels like what listening to free bird feels like. Ooh.
Okay. Being the drunk guy at a bar saying play free bird and then having them actually play it.
That's what it feels like. You feel like you're in charge of everything.
Yeah. I want to make an announcement real quick.
Dunchain Broncos. Yes.
I'm in. I'm in on that.
Done. Big time.
Dunchain Broncos. Let's see.
Anyone else get the Dunchain this week? Dunchain Broncos for sure. I mean, we haven't Dunchain the really shitty teams, but I feel like everyone knows who's Dunchained in that respect.
My two Dunchains. This was a coincidence, but they're both teams that cut Kyle Slaughter.
Yeah. You're just following that around.
That's a coincidence. All right.
Yeah. I mean, we don't even have to count like the Cardinals, the Redins.
Those are all already been Dunnchains. Well, Jake Gruden said the season's not lost yet.
Those are implied Dunnchains, but Dunnchain Broncos, I'm in on that. Let's do who's back in the week before we do that.
We're going to get right back to the show. Introducing Instagram teen accounts, a new way to keep your teens safer as they grow, like making sure they've got the right gear for riding.
Kneepads. Check.
And helmet. Done.
See you, Dad. New Instagram teen accounts.
Automatic protections for who can contact your teen and the content they can see. All right, back to part of my take.
All right, who's back of the week? Hank. My who's back of the week is Kanye West teasing more music but never actually coming out with it.
Oh, what do we got? What do we got? What do we got? He was supposed to come out with an album. He said it was going to come out early September, and then he pushed it off.
Then this week he said it was definitely coming out Friday. Friday said it was supposed to come out at noon.
Said it was going to come out at 8. Then at 8, said it was going to come out on Sunday.
What time zone? Well, there. It didn't really matter because then he said it was going to come out Sunday.
It it has not come out still do you think he has like a hank in his life that he can blame no if that happened to us we just be like that's hank but i think it's him being like it'd be like me being like all right guys it's done and then you being like whoa no no no no no scratch that start everything over or like i don't know what's going on well he's doing sunday service you can't expect him to work on Sunday. What about, do you think it's one of those situations where he keeps saying it, and then he just hasn't done anything? He's just waiting for it? He's waiting to the mood to strike him and make the music? Potentially.
I don't hate that, though. That's what the guy from the Dragon show, Game of Thrones, is doing, right? With his new book?

Oh, R.L. Tolkien?

George R.R. Martin.

George R.R. Tolkien.

Same thing.

They're probably hanging out in New Zealand together, just doing massive amounts of blow

and not fulfilling their obligations.

Right.

Which sounds pretty cool.

Okay, so are we getting the new music, or?

I don't know.

I mean, like, today maybe?

Hopefully?

It's kind of fucked up, though.

We've got Kim Kardashian, like, the most eyeballs in her than anyone in the world.

Most fire booty out there.

And she is, like, spreading this propaganda, fake news. It's just like, all right.
She's answering for him? She's saying, yeah, she's the one that's like, guys, like, hey, guys, like, I know he said Friday, but it's going to come out at 8. And then it was like, hey, guys, he's just finishing some things up.
It's going to come out on Sunday. A couple of habloes.
What's so funny about that whole family and that relationship is we would all forget tomorrow about Kanye's new music. All Kim Kardashian has to do is take a picture of her butt and just post it on the internet.
Break the internet. And just be like, hey, look at my butt.
And everyone forgets about music. Look at this butt on the internet.
You can't find porn anywhere on the internet, but check out this butt. That's so stupid.
I almost respect that. That broke the internet.
It was a butt. She has a butt that would launch a thousand ships.
It's a butt with champagne on it. It's a good butt.
Great. Yeah, you know what's a better butt? One that's in porn.
Kyle Long's butt. His butt looked great in the locker room when he was changing.
People didn't talk enough about the fact that his butt looked great. My Who's Back of the Week is Markel Fultz footage.
So there have been some grainy photos and videos emerging of him down in Orlando where he remembered how he could shoot again. Nice.
Looks great. Yeah, looks really good.
And I love this never-ending saga behind a shot because I think we've had – he's had a shot fixed six times now five times yeah something like that all broken since we had him on the show yes that's right maybe do you remember the old redskins cheerleader that got a flu shot and then she couldn't walk anymore she was me but she was faking yeah she did the thing where she could she was like running back that was the funniest video ever yeah she was running she could only run backwards uh-huh because she got a flu shot and now now she's totally cured yeah because she was faking it the whole time that video maybe marco i'm going with that theory is that markel folds got a flu shot yeah and that's why i forgot how to don't vaccinate nope don't vaccinate or spay or neuter yeah okay don't use paper straws either anything else no just markel folds uhkel Fultz practice footage. Okay.
My Who's Back is Conflict. Oh, and the Nats.
Natitude is back. Natitude is back.
Natitude is back. They're playing Tuesday night.
And they... I'm rooting for you.
I hate the Brewers. So I'm rooting for you.
Okay. My Who's Back of the Week is Conflict.
Two conflicts. One as a conflicted sports fan.
Joe Maddon was fired. Not re-signed.igned so it's a little nicer than fired and you get stuck in that spot where as a sports fan you're like that guy's a legend he's the greatest cubs manager of all time but it also was time to go when he goes in the hall of fame is he going in as a cub yes i don't know if he goes to the hall of fame but you know what i mean when you when you when you you let a guy go and you're like, he was literally the best manager that I've ever watched manage the Cubs, but he also couldn't manage the Cubs anymore.
He had to let it end. He was the perfect person for that one series of events that took place.
But I also, it's so lame. Maybe I've just become so pessimistic on online culture, but the thank you, Joe shit, come on.
He's not reading it. Are you going to burn his jersey? No, I'm not going to burn it.
I'm going to do the thank you note. I love how baseball managers have jerseys that you can burn, too.
Yeah, hell yeah. That's awesome.
I'm going to do the thank you note at the last second. That was first reported by who? Leroy the Dog.
Yes. Through the anonymous source.
Yes, exactly. Who also reported.
I feel like I should clear this up because you've been getting questions about it yes about Mitchell's health yeah you're reporting Leroy's are reporting injury news I didn't dangerous pro football dog like pro football doc and he just from the eyeball test never talk about another man's health I'm not well I'm I'm I'm making a diagnosis that I hope isn't I'd be happy to be you do injury news, you now have to do the injury news when someone gets carted off.

No, but this is one injury that I have a specialty in. So if somebody breaks their foot walking or if they have a dislocated shoulder or in Leroy's case, if you develop glaucoma in both eyes during a game, we can report on this using past experiences.
He dislocated his shoulder, and then he was in a sling on the sidelines. And then every time that happens, you're going to be out for three to five weeks probably.
So is you, not Leroy. No, me and Leroy, we had a conference.
Got it. Got it.
One brain, one heartbeat. But no actual reporting.
Just brain. This is from brains.
Just from your brain. We're just giving just giving leroy brains got it yeah got it uh all right my other conflict civil conflict the end of civil conflict uconn and ucf played their last civil conflict game and if i'm reading off twitter correctly uconn had 21 unanswered for the huskies to close out the night wow so they probably smoked him.
Final score is 56-21. Oh, okay.
Shout out UConn for that tweet. That was such a great tweet.
Way to go. Have a good sense of humor.
21 unanswered. Close out the night.
Game just ended too soon. Is this the last that we'll see of this conference forever? Yeah, because UConn's leaving the AAC or whatever the fuck they are in.
And it's sad because it's the greatest trophy that ever were. Bob Diaco just deciding that UCF was their rival, making a trophy game, calling it the Civil Conflict, where you had the capitalization of the FL and the CT, Florida versus Connecticut.
And then Scott Frost just leaving the trophy on the sideline because he's like I don't I'm I don't acknowledge this this is stupid I think we need to find find the trophy that it's lost that trophy needs to exist in the part of my take studio if you if someone delivers us the actual civil conflict trophy you will get Hank no summer internship no questions asked okay but It has to be the real one i don't know how we'd verify it has to be a real one ways to do that carbon dating you will get the summer internship no questions asked on the spot unless you've murdered someone yeah we're gonna do a deep dive into your social media we will have to do a little background check. If you've done anything really, really bad, then there will be questions asked.

But otherwise, no questions asked.

But if you're Don King and you bring it to us, you can be your intern even though you've murdered somebody.

Correct.

Okay.

Fact.

Okay.

Because you served your time.

If you've murdered somebody and not paid your debt to society yet.

Right.

Then you will not be a summer intern for us.

Right.

Fact.

So bring us that trophy.

Okay, before we get to Football Guy of the Week,

PFT, you got something for us?

I do. I want to talk to you guys about Peloton Tread.

I've been on my Peloton bike, but Peloton

isn't just exercise bikes,

and it's fall. Fall is all about

getting into a groove after a busy summer.

It's Christian Girl Autumn, so you're going

to want to look nice and svelte when you

sip your pumpkin spice lattes and you put on your

thigh-high boots. This year, set

Thank you. getting into a groove after a busy summer.
It's Christian Girl Autumn, so you're going to want to look nice and svelte when you sip your pumpkin spice lattes and you put on your thigh-high boots. This year, set bigger goals and feel more accomplished with the Peloton Tread.
Add miles and build strength, all without the commute to and from the gym. It's not just another treadmill.
The New York Times says the Peloton Tread is like having a personal trainer come to your house whenever you'd like. Runner's World says it's a gorgeous, hip New York City gym in the comfort of your own home, and it's a go-to training tool.
I was actually going back and forth with Booger, with old Boog McFarlane on Twitter.com earlier today. Booger's got a Peloton bike.
Me and him are going to start a biker gang, and we're going to compete against each other. It's going to be great.
I'm going to get leather jackets and shit made up for it. It's going to be wonderful.
But, if you don't have the Peloton bike and you're in the market for a sweet new workout apparatus, check out the Peloton Tread. It's a shock absorbing slat treadmill and it's got responsive speed and incline knobs so you have weightless running and you can up your pace or elevation without ever breaking your stride.
It's also got a 32-inch HD touchscreen and powerful built-in soundbar. It's the most immersive, captivating workout experience.
Don't miss a beat in a workout that feels larger than life. You can have live motivation too.
Unleash your inner competitor. You have live performance metrics like speed, incline, and the mileage.
You can push yourself even further with real-time encouragement from your instructors and other members in the class. See your progress all in one comprehensive place.
It's got the calories burned, the total output, distance, and heart rate. You're going to be able to push yourself to new personal best you never thought possible, no matter where you're starting from.
You can also earn badges and save tracks that you loved from your workout. So work up a sweat with world-class instructors who are running, walking, stretching, or lifting right by your side.
The motivation is real-time. It's crazy, crazy effective.
Discover the new immersive and challenging total body training you get from Peloton Tread. Peloton is offering listeners a limited-time offer.
Go to OnePeloton.com. use the promo code PARDON to get $100 off accessories with the purchase of a trad.
Go to OnePeloton.com. Use promo code PARDON.
And this opening segment to Football Monday is brought to you by ZipRecruiter. Hiring can be a slow process.
You know that. There's a company out there called Cafe Altura, and their COO, Dylan Miskovitz, needed to hire a director of coffee for his organic coffee company, but he's having trouble finding qualified applicants.
So he switched to ZipRecruiter. ZipRecruiter doesn't depend on candidates finding you.
It finds them for you. Its technology identifies people with the right experience and invites them to apply to your job so you get qualified candidates fast.
Dylan posted his job on ZipRecruiter and said he was impressed by how quickly he had great candidates apply, and he also used ZipRecruiter's candidate rating feature to filter his applicants so he could focus on the more relevant ones. And that's how Dylan found his new director of coffee in just a few days.
And with results like that, it's no wonder four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the very first day.

See why ZipRecruiter is effective for businesses of all sizes.

Try ZipRecruiter for free at our web address, ZipRecruiter.com slash PMT.

That's ZipRecruiter.com slash PMT.

ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire.

Oh, shit.

We got to respect the biz real quick. From Dan Hanses.
Who's that? Who is that? He follows me. NFL.com.
He said, come on, football Twitter. No succession spoilers bits during Sunday Night Football.
Respect your working comrades. Thank you.
I agree with that. I'm also two weeks behind on it.
Yeah, don't do that. Keep that in mind for me.
Don't do it. Don't.
Don't. Don't do it.
Because Greg is awesome. Yeah.
Okay. Actually, cut all that out, Hank, because people are going to spoil us for that.
Yes. Good call.
Please. Will do.
Fuck. God damn it.
Please. I mean.
I mean, I'm already in a horrible situation. I would hate it if people did that to you.
That would be a terrible and awful thing to do. This is an impossible situation.
Disgustingly unnecessary. We're working comrades, dude.
I agree. I'm going to go home and watch it.
You should not spoil things for you guys. We're working comrades.
You guys would never do that. The new show.
I'm going to go home and watch all of it. Yeah.
It was a 20-year-old show. We wouldn't.
Yeah, I got you guys. Don't worry.
Football guy of the the week we got a great football guy of the week set up will must champ number one will must champ that sweaty dog he won a football game and he said afterwards it's been a shitty fall i got more gray hair than i've ever had my wife doesn't like hanging around losers. I've been losing, so it ain't been good.

I love this.

I love football guys.

They just love their wives.

They love to bring in their wives.

They love their wives so much.

I'm a football guy because they have two parts of their life.

They have being around football guys, and then they have being at home with their wife.

And there's no in-between for them.

They just go back and forth, back and forth.

And they always refer to it as football in both like spaces so it's i'm the head coach here my wife's the head coach at home she calls all the shots yeah right she doesn't like losers so we haven't been having sex i don't think will muschamp has sex if i'm being honest it's so much will muschamp that's a waste of time for him yeah uh all right then we have next up ravens defensive coordinator don martindale who said he lost four pounds during the week after watching chiefs tape three times and he threw up all three times well don you're my browns he got the browns tape coming up so he might be pregnant too like jalen ramsey and hesey. And he's also going to keep losing weight with the tape that he has to watch every single week.
If you puke three times, that seems like it wouldn't be four pounds. Four pounds seems like a lot of puke for thrice.
Well, he did it right after eating a full meal. Oh, this is probably three separate days that he watched it.
Correct. And he kept on watching it and puking the stomach flu it's called patrick mahomes all right uh andy reed the aforementioned andy reed saying not all of mozart's paintings were perfect i mean which is probably true yeah he definitely thinks that way too like he did he well someone was like hey man you know it's not mozart he's like what what are you talking about mo talking about? Mozart, that guy.
And then Michelangelo did those symphonies. Here's the thing.
With Mozart, it's almost not fair because art is right there in his name. True.
So you can't blame Andy Reid for thinking. Andy, he wrote Claire de la Lune, which you should know because that's what Randy Moss did in Lambeau Field when he pulled down his pants.
Disgusting. Disgusting act.
Disgusting act. Yeah.
And then last up we have Iowa fullback Brady Ross. After his first career TD, he said, to get in the end zone is cool.
Frankly, I'm more proud of some of the blocks I made. Football guy.
Big time football guy. That's a great list.
A great list. Brady Ross.
That is

the ultimate Iowa fullback name.

Speaking of that, we should quickly just

touch on some college football. There wasn't that

many big time games,

but we had

the big time

Maryland and Nebraska

do they belong in the Big Ten

weekend. Maryland

canceled class on Friday, wore

black, and then didn't score

a point. They got bageled, which I love saying, by the way, to get bageled.
I think Nebraska should have worn black. That should have been the move at home.
The black shirt. So Nebraska, on the other hand, they had game day.
Everyone thinks Nebraska's back. They were ranked in the top 25, and Nebraska fans are going to get mad because I'm picking on them.
I want Nebraska to be good. It's fun.
We've said this before. It's fun when Nebraska's good.
They've got absolutely shellacked by Ohio State. And then the other big story was Clemson is still undefeated, so they should be number one in the polls.
Clemson is going to go all the way to the national championship or the college football playoff without having to play one impressive game because the ACC stinks. Counterpoint, to be the man, you've got to beat the man.
And you know what's going to happen. They're going to win every game by a single score, and they're still going to be ranked number one.
And then Pittsburgh's going to make the ACC finals against them and lose by like 100. You don't think it's UVA? It's always like some team.
It could be anyone, but it's going to be a team that they'll just kill. They'll just kill.
It doesn't really matter who they play. No, it does not at all.
It does not. Although Bronco is a sweet asset.
How long does Bronco stick around in Charlottesville? Because Charlottesville is not a Bronco town. Here's my problem with UVA.
I watched the game Notre Dame-UVA. You know how, which I love because we were talking about score bugs earlier when the

score bug will like flash with your team color.

Candy ass.

UVA can't win a big game.

Okay.

Candy ass.

That orange,

that,

that it's candy ass.

Well,

what about the like candy ass neon green for Notre Dame?

It's candy ass.

No,

no,

no,

no,

no,

no,

no,

no,

no,

no,

no,

no,

no,

no,

no,

no,

no,

no,

no,

no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no candy ass. No, no, no.
Notre Dame doesn't do neon green. NBC doesn't do that for them.
I've seen it green. But they don't do neon neon green.
It's Kelly green. It's borderline neon.
The orange that UVA puts out there is candy ass. They will never win a big game.
I have said it, and so it hath been said. Okay.
There it is. Would you recommend they turn it up to like a neon orange like a hunting vest orange maybe i

don't know what they got to do but i just kept on seeing it i was like this team's never gonna win

okay i just felt it and sometimes you feel uva is one of those teams that has felt like they're

overdue for a logo redesign you never got around to it yes they're still rocking like the 1999s

right right why don't you boost that up give give your cavalier a little swag chris why you got a

lot of time on your hands why don't you pay for like a new graphic designer one hand yeah

I'll see you next time. right right why don't you boost that up give give your cavalier a little swag chris why you got a lot of time on your hands why don't you pay for like a new graphic designer on hand yeah um all right let's do a couple segments in a monday reading first up we have a just chill out man for patrick chung so what was this pft so last week he uh put a post up on instagram about his son uh coming in on him while he was in the bathroom well, no, I should let him speak for himself.
Okay. Patrick Chung said, I took a smelly crap this morning.
Then I made my son come in there and tell him I love him before he went to school. He tried to hold his breath, but I made him say it back.
Moral of the story, son, don't snore in my damn face all night. Love you.
Got him. Got him.
Got him. That's a classic guy trick.
That's some old school dad stuff. Boy, come smell my crap.
Yeah, that's some good stuff. That'll teach you to sleep in my bed with me and love me and come to me when you have a nightmare.
Yes. Yeah, you'll be a very well adjusted adult.
But if that's what Patrick Chung's leaving her bathroom nowadays, that's an improvement. That's a TMI.
If that's what he's leaving behind. Yeah, true.
Instead of something, well, now it's long and brown instead of short and white. Well, I would actually argue that Patrick Chung never has done a short line of cocaine.
Whale tails is what they call it. It might be thick.
Yes. Oh, and they're big.
Yeah. Just a little bump and run coverage.
Yeah. Big time.
Gotcha. All right.
And all you think, I can't even remember what this is for. Oh, halftime show.
The guest for the alleged surprise guest. Mystery guest.
Mystery guest for the halftime show at the Super Bowl in Miami, Pitbull. I don't know how this got leaked.
This seems like a major, major security issue.

Pitbull's people leaked it.

Yeah, it was the most obvious surprise.

Oh, you think?

Oh, you think?

I'm glad because Pitbull was going to be heartbroken if he was not included in the city's

biggest Dalai festival of all time, and he wasn't there to be the Dalai leader.

I wouldn't be opposed to them, instead of a halftime show just doing the intro to ballers and like having rock walk around that's not bad either he might be part of it that'd be cool i've always liked to think about what pitbull used to do for his concerts when he was coming up like when when pitbull first got started and decided he was going to be a musician a singer like his first small concerts in like a dive bar with two people in it. Yeah.
Does he get on stage and wear a tuxedo and blast music and just jump around and get the people going? Like the two regulars at the bar? Mm-hmm. Also, GarageBand Pitbull is a very interesting story that I would like to see told at some point.
I just realized something. The Super Bowl in Miami, Michael Irvin's not going to still have his job at NFL Network after that.
Well, he's not going to sleep that week. Can you imagine the parties he's going to throw? Him and Warren Sapp.
Yeah, all the old Miami guys. They're personally going to think the Super Bowl is for them.
They're going to be like, oh, this is just a birthday party for me. Yeah, yeah.
No, you're right. I think they need to room.
That's a reality show that needs to happen. It's Warren Sapp and Michael Irvin during Super Bowl week this year.
Jesus Christ. Hopefully we get a Jeremy Shockey sighting or something like that.
Yeah. Thank God Kellen Winslow's incarcerated.
Yes, that's... You can say that again.
Alright, let's finish up with a Monday reading. We have Triple H coming on Wednesday.
Huge interview. Huge interview.
We got back-to-back huge Wednesdays coming because we also taped with Gary Busey today and holy shit is that guy awesome it was cool awesome all right Monday reading my boyfriend categorizes everything as virgin verse Chad and it's annoying okay so can I get a little help on this one yeah i like i like to think that i'm

pretty steeped in the meme culture this one is a little new to me bubba do you do you know this one all right so it's virgin versus chad these guys both like get the fuck out of here all right so virgin versus chad look it up real quick i'll start okay i'm on it we've been together three months early on and i know it's all kind of early because three months he told me he loved virgin versus Chad memes. Fine,

I think. They're kind of funny

and he's definitely not an misogynist. He's dated women before me, too, so not an incel.
Okay. All right, check and check.
So you can't be misogynist if you have sex with women. Yes, or an incel, so that's the check and check.
All right, basically a virgin versus chad is you versus the guy that she told you not to worry about right but the virgin has glasses and he looks down avoids eye contact struggles to find comfortable hand form bad posture so he's a virgin back slouch and then chad is he's got like a mohawk he's an alpha and he's an alpha shit he wears a cool sing Okay. So lately it seems like he might take this meme more seriously than I thought.
He's always joked about it. Like when I told him I liked White Claw, he said, Virgin White Claw versus Chad Mad Dog.
And it was pretty funny. That plays.
That is pretty funny. Yeah.
But lately I've seen him asking me, was that a virgin or a Chad thing to do? Okay. For example, he's trying to find a good place to take his new co-worker, Mail, to lunch.
They were assigned as buddies. By the way, that's a virgin move right there.
And he asked me if dim sum was a virgin or a Chad move. I'd say lunch is a virgin move.
Yeah, lunch is, you gotta go, unless Outback, that's a Chad move. Busters for lunch is a Chad move.
Chad, chat total chad sometimes when getting dressed he'll ask me if his outfit he chose was a virgin or a chad outfit i love this guy this guy literally only thinks in memes you know it's great he's like devolved existence into a binary system yeah which makes things a whole lot cooler and a lot simpler a lot it just an awesome... By the way, just making everything

a virgin versus Chad,

that's a Chad move.

That's a Chad move.

He believes sneakers

are for virgins,

so he'll only wear

dress shoes or flip-flops.

Crocs only.

It was funny as a joke,

but it's starting to get annoying.

I told him that

the virgin versus Chad meme

is meant to be funny,

and it shouldn't actually

dictate his life, and he shouldn't actually dictate his life.

And he called me a virgin normie.

Contrasted with a Chad meme devotee.

This is so good.

Okay.

Babe, you're such a verge.

It's pretty cool.

When you can call your girlfriend a virgin, that's alpha.

That's such an own.

Not the way you think it is. Yeah, it's a cell phone is chad the same as an alpha yes i think so uh i told him i don't want to have sex with someone who's this obsessed with a meme and he told me sex is for virgins that's pretty funny that this chat is awesome it's pretty funny this guy and buster guy would be like best friends.
I think she's upset because she just doesn't operate on the cool wavelength. Yeah, she just doesn't get humor.
She also definitely, but she probably then is now saying it like in her real life with her friends. She's saying it like incidentally because he's saying it so much.
Yeah, yeah. She's mad at him, but then in her life is probably like when her friends ask her something like, oh no, it's the Chad move.
Yeah, but her being like, I don't want to have sex with you if you keep thinking this way. He's like, good.
Sex is for virgins. Imagine going to a couple's counselor and trying to describe this issue that you're having.
Chad's just jerk off into the toilet. All right.
No, dude, Chad's are no fat. Yeah, that's true.
You got to get that testosterone. You just resorb all the sperm that are inside and you gain their power point great point pft at this rate it seems like we just aren't compatible but when he's not going crazy over this meme we actually have fun together that's when he's being a virgin by the way yeah he's not me when he's not talking about chads is there any hope for him to figure this out inittedly, it might be hard to get him to go because he thinks people who go to therapists

are virgins and therapists are Chad.

My boyfriend has grouped literally everything into virgin versus Chad.

It's mad.

That is a catch 22 because you want to get him help.

But that's a total verge move by you to talk about feelings.

Right.

What you have to do, you have to speak to somebody that talks his language.

So the Chad equivalent of talking to a therapist would be calling into a morning talk show on the radio. Call into whatever city that you're in.
Call into their morning zoo. The guy hour.
Yeah, yeah. This is the man cave.
We're here to talk about nuts in between football. All right, let's talk about your nuts.
Yeah. Sounds like your nuts aren't getting...
Chad, you're on line one. Chad, on line one, nuts aren't getting drained because you're a virgin.
Yeah. Damn.
Chad or Virg. Hey, Chad, quick question.
You wearing flip flops right now? Cool. Yeah, you're screwed.
I would just lean into it. Actually, no.
You know what you need to do? The only solution here is you need to introduce him into more memes. You need to get him deeper into meme culture.
You know what? If you get really invested in the Chad versus Virgin meme too, he'll think that the Chad Virgin meme is Virgin. Yeah, he'll think Chad becomes a Virg.
Yeah, well, no, he'll think that that meme is a Virg. So he'll have to move on to greener pastures at that point.
So you can get him off that pretty easily. I think that we should just talk about quarterbacks compared to their backups as Chad versus Virgin.
Chad versus Verge. Jacksonville.
Ooh. Gardner-Minshot.
Chad. He's Chad.
Mick Foles-Verge. Chicago.
Mitch Trubisky. Nope.
Verge. Nope.
Wayne Haskins. Verge.
Chase Dan. Chase Keenum.
Also Verge. Colt McCoy.
Verge. Alex Smith.
Verge. Jay Gruden.
Chad. Chad.
Absolutely. He's too dumb to be a Verge.
He's definitely, definitely a Chad. All right.
That's our show. Triple H Wednesday.
Get excited. Love you guys.
That was such a Chad move by you. I know.
No, Verge. Chad Verge.
That was such a Verge move. Fuck.
know no verge verge yeah fuck chad pft chad big cat verge damn having a baby actually having a baby is the biggest version of all time there was one shout out the one guy who like four or five years ago on college game day just came with a sign said big cat is a verge and it was just very fucking funny and everyone's was like, is that true? And I was like, dude, I got owned.

Yeah.

And that was it.

Yeah,

take your lumps.

Win the meme game sometimes.

All right,

love you guys.

Love you guys.

Oh,

I already said it.

You can repeat whatever I say.

That's fine.

That's a Verge move. Thank you.
What I'm about to say, I'll say it anyway Today is another day to find you Shying away, I'll be coming for your love, okay Shying away, I'll be coming for your love, okay Needless to say, I've said it But I'll be some little way Slowly learning the life is okay Thank you. To be safe and sorry.
Things that you say. Isn't life all.

Just the flame of the breeze away.

You're all the things I've got to remember.

When you're shy and awake.

I'll be coming for you anyway.

When you're shy and awake.

I'll be coming for you anyway.

Take care. I'll be coming for you anyway Take on me

Take on me

Take me

I'll be

Take on

Take on me Take me off It's Pardon My Take presented by Barstool Sports.