Jerry Springer, Kyle Long On The Bears HUGE Win, And Guys On Chicks

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On today's part in my take, we have the legend, Jerry Springer in studio. We also have our good friend, recurring guest, Kyle Long, who calls in after a huge Monday night win.
We have guys on chicks, hot seat, cool throne. And maybe a little coach is firing.
I wanted to throw that out there, PFT. We're going to maybe talk a little.
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Today is Wednesday, September 25th, and the Bears are back. Because if they're really back, if they could just find a way to play the redskins every single week congratulations i'm very very happy for you the bears are back um mitch is back i know 17 wins i know before we get into uh the monday night stuff i know we're we stick to sports on this podcast we try to stay out of politics a lot but there's some crazy stuff happening in the world right now especially coming out of nation's capital um i know you guys don't want me to talk about i but i feel like we should say something it's our responsibility we have a big platform and at least my opinion i'm i'm fucking disgusted with it i'm over i'm over okay um the nepotism the racial slurs the incompetent one-sided negotiations the awful trade deals that we're getting ourselves into it's a fucking national embarrassment and uh it's not like the leadership hasn't shown what type of of person that they are like you can go back not just the last two years you can look at decades worth of this stuff long time on the record using racial slurs all the time brandishing them.
It's part of their history. I'm sorry.
It's time that we remove Dan Snyder. It's time we get his ass out of the nation's cat.
I don't know how to remove an owner in the NFL. That's the big problem I'm running into.
Because this is a team that I grew up loving. Not just liking.
I loved them. I lived and died with every play.
And I can compartmentalize. I can put it in the back of my head pretty easily most of the times but when they play a monday night game it becomes a national thing where everyone gets to see how incompetent the team is run on on a full scale hold on did you see the guy who was mixing the gatorade with with a whole sleeve of for him.
That guy knows what he's doing. He was using styrofoam cups to mix Gatorade.
Hey, that's a great idea. Maybe Jamarcus Russell and Rolando McClain will come play now that they see that styrofoam is a big part of our culture.
Did you see the flag guy who couldn't get the flag up at halftime? I saw that, too. He's in the middle of the field.
I saw that, too. I agree with you.
Incompetent. I've always said incompetent organizations do incompetent things and people find a way to see they spot their incompetence left and right yes if you're a loser organization like like i mean the cubs were forever and it was these things pop up when you it's almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy you guys banned cup snakes the fucking we're not loser the fucking the fucking redskins banned signs yeah you can't bring a sign into the stadium anymore because too many of them were making fun of dan snyder that's a good and so he said it's a health issue just like with the cups you can't bring signs in the stadium yeah fuck dan snyder well i don't like him because yeah you love a really bad team steven jones loves him but how do you get there's needed their offense to get going.
How do you get rid of an owner? How do you do it? Blackmail? No, you got to get like Papa John in the mix somehow. Okay.
So maybe get Papa John to be like, hey, bring him in and then try to take over the entire league. No, but you can't.
There's no – Donald Sterling. I forgot how they got him out.
Oh, I got it. I got it, maybe we just go outside of Raujon and take pictures of people walking into work on Friday wearing jeans That's not bad, yeah just start a rumor that Dan Snyder's bringing jeans Friday up I-95 There are a couple ways I gave it some thought, I thought maybe the one person in the world that Dan Snyder respects is Joe Gibbs.
Besides him, he just doesn't give a shit. And I think Joe Gibbs, if he assembled a team of investors without telling Dan Snyder, could get Dan Snyder drunk enough one night and then talk to him about the legacy of the Redskins and what a proud franchise they are and make Dan Snyder cry and agree to sell the team.
I think that's the one hope hope the other hope i had was to just do a deep fake of dan snyder saying bad stuff about saying still don't think there's there's nothing more embarrassing that you can do in a deep fake to dan snyder that he hasn't already done you guys have gone to the playoffs it's not bad playoffs yeah we've we've uh won one playoff game in the last 20 years better than the browns Better than the Browns. Better than the Browns.
Yeah. Here's a little fun fact.
The 2012 Redskins. Robert Griffin.
Right when I thought. Right when I.
Greta. This is pre-Greta.
This is the year that I thought that they were finally coming back. That there was going to be something that I could have to look forward to in my NFL fandom.
Here's who was on that coaching staff besides Mike Shanahan. Sean McVay, Matt LaFleur, Kyle Shanahan, all three assistants, all three undefeated as head coaches right now.
I mean, we're still out. The offense in Green Bay hasn't been very good.
You got two tremendous offensive coaches and one lockdown defensive guru in Matt LaFleur. Yeah.
And Chris Forrester, too, the Dolphins head coach that was snorting lines. Oh.
So that's probably. So you had your pick of the litter of Jim's, and they all got away.
They all got away because Dan Snyder is a cancer to the team. I don't know, dude.
You got Gruden. To the entire city.
We got A. Gruden.
That's true. You know what? The Redskins were up for hard knocks last year.
They were one of the finalist teams. They're not going to get it next year because Gruden's going to be gone probably.
I don't know. Snyder tends to not fire coaches midseason.
He likes to watch them embarrass themselves publicly and wriggle at the end of a line so he can blame them when it's all over. But they're not going to be able to get hard knocks next year because they'll have a new coach.
And I want nothing more than them to be exposed on a national level on hard knocks. The Redskins.
It would be so hilarious because Dan Snyder would be doing all this shit thinking that he was looking really cool and would just come off looking extremely incompetent to everyone. So can we talk about the football game? I always get uncomfortable.
Although I get uncomfortable when you get serious because you never get serious. I'm triggered.
And I usually don't get this mad about the R words, but seeing that first half, and to their credit. I mean, you knew they were going to suck.
They've won two games in their 2-16 in Monday Night Football history. I bet against them.
I knew they were going to lose. And I like some of the players.

I feel bad for them that they have to deal with this year in and year out.

But it was

glaringly obvious and good for them for at least

making a comeback in the second half.

They'll probably beat the Giants next week.

I mean, they probably will.

0%.

You're saying 0% chance that they beat the Giants.

Yes. Even when the Giants are awful, they lose by

30 in the medal.

They could beat the Giants next week.

0% chance? 0%.

Thank you. You're saying 0% chance that they beat the Giants.
Yes. Even when the Giants are awful, they lose by 30 in the medal.
They could beat the Giants next week. 0% chance? 0%.
0% chance. As a minister, can I condemn Dan Snyder to hell? Sure.
Is that in my powers? That won't do anything, but I'm sure he's going there anyway. You're still going to hell.
Yes. Yeah, the Redskins are very bad.
Case Keenum. I feel bad for Case Keenum.
Yeah. It's a capsier, though.
Okay. Yeah, I feel bad for him too natitude but yeah it's natitude that's right it's yeah you watch those three games like two weeks yeah it's even your bullshit for the caps they win in in uh 2018 2020 but yeah case keenum he's not as bad as he looked at times last night except that thing where he he dove over the line like it was the goal line to extend the ball.
Well, he's a playmaker. That's just shit that happens.
That would never happen to him in Minnesota. Yeah, I mean, that's Case Keenum.
Case Keenum is just, he is reckless with the football. You put on a burgundy uniform, and you just start shitting yourself.
He is reckless with the football. Mitch looks good.
Mitch is back, except for that interception, but we we don't have to talk about that interception he looks good otherwise and then everyone's making getting upset because matt nagy yelled at him and might have said shut the fuck up but whatever who cares if you want quarterback head coach problems just go north to green bay where they hate each other they don't hate each other yeah they do not yet uh well i don't know where to go from here because you threw a curveball with super serious. So how do we get back on track? I was seeing Redskins.
Yeah. I'm sorry.
Okay. So we can get back on track.
You're happy with Mitch. Yeah.
Mitch, would you take Patrick Mahomes for Mitch now? No, because Mitch was the fastest. They put up that graphic.
They showed how many touchdowns Patrick Mahomes and Deshaun Watson have, like 70 each. Mitch has 30.
but he's the first to 17 victories of that draft class. You know what that's the all important 17 victory mark that everyone knows is the barometer to who is going to be a future Hall of Famer.
That's true. Also, Troy Aikman had your back last night.
Yes, he was like he had Patrick Mahomes has less than zero percent of the Super Bowls I have. Yeah.
Because they said that he threw like 33% of the touchdowns that Troy Aikman threw. Yes.
Yeah. So, yes, Patrick Mahomes, Mitch Trubisky.
I would say with Mitch, he doesn't have the inflated stats like Mahomes, but that's because he knows how to milk a clock. Right.
He's a clock management guy. The clock can be your 12th man.
Patrick Mahomes, he throws touchdowns. Guess what happens after a touchdown? Other team gets the ball back.
Right away. Mitch, he'll lead you on a drive.
No, Mitch looked good last night. The jury's still out on the Bears' offense, but the Bears' defense is unbelievable.
And Khalil Mack is a problem for everyone. And I can't believe John Gruden, I still can't believe John Gruden let him walk away away traded him yeah like that's a guy we were talking about it with jalen ramsey we'll talk about him getting fake sick later but when you have those type of guys you just never let them leave no matter what agreed also shame shame on the monday night football crew going into this game you had to you had to expect that there might be a blowout and we got zero shots of rob ryan or jim tomsula on the side i saw him in pregame he was walking around in pregame he looked good i wanted to see rob ryan like spitting onto the field in disgust yeah uh so you brought you brought up jay gruden i wanted to throw this out there we are now three weeks into the season and i feel like three i think actually once october, that's officially time where we can start talking about the first coach fired.
Right? So – We don't talk about another mid-season. I have the list.
You can tell me which one you think. Here's the list.
So I took out all first-year coaches. Brian Flores? They're not going to get fired mid-season.
They might get fired after the season. First-year coaches and also and also Mike Vrabel because he's our guy.
Which is fair. Ron Rivera.
Ron Rivera. Yeah.
I think so. Gundy.
The Gundy factor is lurking there. Doug Marone.
No. Also our guy.
Coughlin loves him. Mike Tomlin.
No. You know what it would take for the Steelers to fire a coach after, what has it been, 10 years, 12 years for Mike Tomlin.
No. Do you think? No.
No. You know what it would take for the Steelers to fire a coach after, what has it been, like 10 years, 12 years for Mike Tomlin? Yeah.
You would have to get – what's the old political saying? You have to be caught in bed with a dead girl or an alive boy. That's a good political saying.
Yeah, the Steelers have like – I think they have three coaches in 100 years. So they probably won't fire them, but I think you've got to throw it out there.
If they don't win a game, Mason Rudolph has a dumb face. I've done my analysis of him.
He's never going to be a winning quarterback. That's true, but having a backup quarterback in there, that can be a nice little saver.
Plus, if Big Ben comes out and vouches for his head coach at some point, they'll do anything he says. Jay Gruden.
Yeah, he's gone. He's gone.
Maybe midseason. Who knows? I don't know.
I don't think there are too many play callers hanging out in bingo halls like there were back in 2011 for a Snyder to pick up. Dan Quinn.
They've been done-chained. Yeah, he's done.
Yeah, Dan Quinn's done. Done this year? Yeah.
In the middle of season? Not midseason. Okay..
Are we talking mid-season firing? Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

One of these guys is going to get fired in the middle of the season.

That's how it always works.

There's at least one guy who gets fired before the end of the season.

Not Dan Quinn.

Okay.

No.

So, of that list. Because they're in the catbird seat.

Of that list.

That division is going to be winnable.

So, of that list.

Jay Gruden.

Jay Gruden is by far the most likely.

Yes.

Yes.

All right.

So, the other thing we have for Monday Night Football.

We have our good friend, recurring guest, Kyle Long.

Thank you. Jay Gruden is by far the most likely.
Yes, yes. All right, so the other thing we have for Monday Night Football, we have our good friend, recurring guest, Kyle Long, who's going to call in and tell us about the huge game that he played and the huge game that the Bears had and nothing else.
So why don't we call Kyle? Okay, we now welcome on our very good friend, recurring guest many times over. It is three-time Pro Bowler Kyle Long from Chicago Bears, and we're calling Kyle because he's coming off a huge, enormous Monday Night Football win, and we wanted to talk to him about that huge, big win.
And let's just start there. the game for you yeah it was like a redemption game what's up guys it was like a redemption game because the last time we were there cutler got hurt um we lost i think it was a shootout i think mccown played a bit i think we lost by like four points but it was huge man monday so dad's not working, so he gets to come to the game,

get to see the parents after the game, which is always awesome.

How about that defense, man?

Defense was very, very strong.

The D was out.

The D came out there, and they set the tone early and often.

I noticed – The D was out in numbers.

Yeah, D was out.

They got exposed a little bit.

From your end, it seemed like you were playing a little bit of bully ball. You were running the ball a lot.
What kind of jumbo packages did they have you guys out there doing last night? You know, you'd think with my large stature, that'd be more like jumbo packages. But, man, we were just trying to squeak out yards where we could and obviously big explosive plays credit to Mitch standing in the pocket and delivering Taylor Gabriel had a huge catch and that was an absolute dime I mean uh just throughout the game you could feel that the defense was going to give us opportunities and we need to make the most of them yeah and and and PFT mentioned I mean for people who aren't football fans or maybe don't follow the Bears, Kyle is a huge guy.
He's 6'6", he's enormous, and he's just a mammoth of a guy, and he's just plowing people over left and right. So the only thing I noticed was the weather seemed a little iffy.
They said there was going to be rain or something. Was there any rain? Here's the deal.
I mean, here's the deal. It was was gorgeous I think it was like 75, man a top down kind of day if you're a top down kind of guy we showed up to D.C.
and it was hot, and I looked at the weather for the next day it said 88 degrees, man I had everything all set I hydrated. And then the game happened, you're just drenched in sweat.

And I had heard about a cold front coming in.

And I guess I just wasn't prepared for it, man,

because, man, it hit me hard right at the end of the game, man.

As soon as I hit that locker room, that cold front.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, at least in D.C., unlike at the University of Texas,

they have air conditioning working in their locker room.

So that's one good thing you can say about FedEx Field.

Club Dub seems – it seems like just a cool place to hang out.

Mm-hmm. University of Texas, they have air conditioning working in their locker room.
So that's one good thing you can say about FedEx Field.

Club Dub, it seems like just a cool place to hang out.

Let the boys hang.

Yeah, just hanging.

Just catching a chill hang with the boys after the game in the locker room. Just guys being dudes and just doing their thing.

You know, just being dudes.

Yeah.

Yeah, was that fun? Did you guys have a little party last night? Like everyone was dancing around having a good time? Yeah, you know, the plane rides home are always the best, especially after late-night games because guys are just delirious, man. It's like 2.30 in the morning and you're on an airplane.
But after a win, everybody's on the iPad looking at the film film making fun of each other looking at big plays um but yeah i mostly you know i mostly just tried to put a blanket over my head and just try to get some sleep on the way home last night yeah i'd imagine the plane rides are nice too because uh you know the wi-fi is never good on plane rides so you kind of just can enjoy it with your team and the outside world doesn't come in and you don't, you know, see any, like, clips or anything from after the game or during the game. And it's just like almost like an ignorance is bliss for those two hours.
Yeah, out of sight, out of mind. It's nice, you know.
And then the plane lands and, you know, you get home, it's 4.30 in the morning. You don't know if you're dreaming or not, but you notice you're trending, and it's not often that offensive linemen are trending for a good thing.
But you were for the big win, for the huge win. You were road grading after.
You hit that landing strip, and you saw that you were trending. Boom.
It was really amazing to get a win there. It was big.
And credit to Bears fans for coming out. Yeah, it was huge.
A lot of them. It was definitely huge.
Well, first of all, I just want to say a lot of people are jumping to certain conclusions about the Bears play, about the Skins play. You need to wait until the All-22 comes out before you can really evaluate what you saw on film.
A lot of times there are different angles, and that makes a big difference. It's deceiving.
So until you really get a full perspective. It's kind of like what I think what PFT is saying, and Kyle, you know this because...
A play may look good on the sideline, but you throw that end zone on it, and we've got to go back to the drawing board. And you know this because you, I know you like to spend some time in Montana.

God's country is what they call it.

A lot of people, when they go to Montana, they fish.

And, you know, depending on how far away the fish is from the camera, it could look like a huge fish, a small fish, but it's probably a perfectly fine, average-sized fish.

It's just the angles are all different.

You know, they say a fish is a fish, man.

It's like, how many different, you know, there's not that many different kinds of fish.

Thank you. average size fish.
It's just the angles are all different. You know, they say a fish is a fish, man.

It's like, how many different, you know, there's not that many different kinds of fish.

Right. See more than you see them all.

Right. And you can't be evaluated just on like what you appear to be as you come into the league.

It's about growing.

Right.

It's about growth in the NFL.

How can you get from point A to point B and improve yourself?

It's not about what you show.

Yeah.

That's how you grow.

It's right. Absolutely.

That's the most important part.

We don't want to see flashes.

Right.

We want to know that it's there.

Thank you. to point B and improve yourself.
It's not about what you show. It's how you grow.
It's right. Absolutely.
That's the most important part. We don't want to see flashes.
Right. We want to know that it's there.
All right. Well, Kyle, thank you so much.
I got one last question. I was actually breaking down last week's film, and I've been trying to ask somebody who has experience playing on the offensive line.
It seems to me like there are two guys that are really standing out on defense, and I'm wondering which one is tougher to deal with. Would you say it's Bradley Chubb or Fletcher Cox? Both are tough guys, tough matchups, but I'd say with Chubb being so far outside and Cox being right there in the middle, you've got to deal with Fletcher more.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, Kyle, we appreciate it.

Best of luck on Sunday against the Vikings.

Bears are back.

I've declared it.

I think you guys are feeling good after that win,

and hopefully we'll see you sometime this season, man.

Yeah, we'll see you guys in Club Dub sometime soon.

Yeah, we'll let it all hang out. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, you want me in Club Dub because if you put me up against –

Thank you. sometime soon.
Yes. We'll let it all hang out.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.
I mean, you want me in Club Dub because if you put me up against, everyone's going to look great. You guys have a great week.
Okay, that was our good friend Kyle. Yep.
Huge game. It was actually fun to talk to Kyle.
Yes. Because now I'm happy for the Bears.
I'm out of my funk about the R words. Are you? Yeah, I think so.
I think, yeah, officially I can go back to not caring. I can go back to not caring.
You sure? All right, well, let's do it with Hot Seat Cool Throne. Why don't you start, PFD, to show us how much you don't care to Hot Seat Cool Throne.
All right, my hot seat is humanity. Ooh.
Humanity officially on the hot seat because Boston Dynamics just released a video of another robot. This one's doing like parkour.
He's doing 360-degree spins, jumps, landings. They're essentially creating super soldiers or a next line of wide receivers for the Patriots.
Have they put out that? Remember that clip of the robot dog slipping on a banana?

No, that's the one defense that we still have. It's the banana peel.
It's 1950s slapstick comedy. One thing the robots will never look for is walking through a doorway and having a bucket of water fall on their heads.
Yes. They're fucked.
They're absolutely fucked. They are fucked.
Seltzer, a pie in the face. These are the ways to protect humans at all costs.
Yes. But yeah, I'm, I'm a little bit woke on these robot videos because every time one comes out, I feel like they wouldn't let us, they wouldn't intentionally let us see how menacing these robots are unless they're working on something way scarier in the background.
Right. You know what I'm saying? They're not showing us the good shit.
Right. They're showing us something to distract us.
This is our, this is our longtime theory on this show that Elon Musk is actually Jeff Bezos. It's his front.
So Elon Musk is like, we're going to go to Mars. I'm going to build a fucking submarine to find these little boys in Thailand.
All this bullshit. So everyone talks about him, and then Jeff Bezos is in the background doing the real shit.
Doing the drones, doing all that. Jeff Bezos has been to mars he literally he vacations on mars he's been there and back while elon musk putts around and he thinks he's a genius but really he's a fucking fraud and an idiot oh you launched a buick into outer space well i have a detailed map of everybody's basement in america yeah oh elon musk he built a tunnel wow he learned how to build a subway system holy shit this guy must be next level and then yeah and then the hyperloop or whatever which was essentially just a highway underground yeah which is again it was a subway or a tunnel it was a tunnel to his girlfriend's house right presser right and then and then jeff bezos yeah he has every single every single person's face mapped out and and ready to go and put on a robot's body and then have us kill ourselves.
Yeah, that's pretty dark. That's pretty dark.
That's some Gardner Minshew shit right there. Yeah, you see your robot and then he kills you.
I feel like there are two reasons to doubt Jeff Bezos, though. Number one, he's bald, right? If he had all the technology in the world, you would think step one would be growing some hair on that face.
Okay, counterpoint. Bald guys are angrier.
It's like bald and short. They're just angrier at the world because the world has not given them anything.
I'm happy. Oh, that's because I'm average.
Good point. So bald and short guys are just angry all the time.
So I think he keeps himself bald to keep that fire within because if he had his hair he'd be like everything's perfect why would i build a bunch of robot drones that could kill the world that's a good point he's like a reverse samson from the bible yeah he wants to keep that fire in his belly where he destroys all of us jesus had long hair and he loved everyone right okay yeah this checks out for sure. Okay.
My other hot seat is marching bands in Iowa. Oh, I saw this.
Iowa and Iowa State are considering not playing their annual football game. What do they call it? The Seahawks.
Seahawks. Seahawks trophy.
They're considering not playing the game next year because the marching bands got into a fight when they were trying to exit the stadium last week. And that's some real shit.
That's like Iowa West Side Story. This league.
Yeah, big time this league. Yeah, I feel bad for them.
That's like your Super Bowl. If you grow up playing the flute in Iowa, that's as good as it gets.
Yes. And they're taking that away from a lot of people just because there were some assaults.
Oh, there's assaults? Assaults, yeah. I thought they were just mean words.
Yeah. So they're fighting like with the instruments.
Well, the marching band tried to walk through a crowd of people like it was the end of the Stanford-Cal game, but the people started shoving them. It seems like just a big fight.
Okay, so here's what you do. If you're the Cyhawk commissioner, which I think is just the mayor of Iowa, the governor of Iowa, whatever, Iowa president.
Right. Yeah.
I think it's just Trent. It's somebody.
Yeah. It's a former tight end who now owns a shitload of corn.
Right. So if you are that guy next year, we have the two bands LARP instead of playing their instruments.
I like that. LARP at the middle of the field in halftime.

Honor system.

So if you get hit by one of those foam swords and you die, you die.

Winner gets to, I don't know, they get the Beatles rendition,

the Beatles mix at halftime, and the other guy has to do the Rolling Stones.

I think that's fine.

I think everybody's happy.

You get your anger out that way. The med medley yes uh my cool throne is fraud websites because comscore the uh the website that was in charge of judging everybody's traffic ranking has actually been found out to they themselves be a fraud that's so the sc that's very deep that's deep web shit i like that the sec is fining them charging them with uh with multiple counts of fraud because they were artificially inflating the traffic count and various metrics on their own website who was doing the com score of the com score that's a that's another excellent question damn okay i have no idea who's in charge of any of this stuff or how it's the com score now or how it happens to the comp score? Can we just say whatever we want and no one's going to call us out? Basically, you can.
If you make a cool enough listicle, people will believe it. No, if you just make a chart month over month with a line graph.
Just call them impressions. Yeah.
Impressions. That's good.
The line graph. Frank Caliendo, number one website.
The fastest way to make yourself look awesome is just a line graph. Yeah.
Here are the top three. Number one, I'm just going to put this out there.
Google, number two, draftjoshallen.com. Number three, Pornhub.
That sounds right. Checks out.
All right, Hank, what do you got? Do you want to go? All right, I'll go. All right, my hot seat is anyone who tweets about the NFL season being like 10% over.
Have you seen these people? I want to fight them. I want to fight them, and it's going to increase now that NBA is coming back.
Is hockey back right now? Like, is there a real game tonight? Preseason. Okay, so I knew there was preseason.
It feels like it just happened too quickly. So I saw a couple people be like, crazy fact now that week three is over like 16 of the season has been played say that i want to kill those people i don't mean it i want to kill them yeah i agree but you can't get i can't tweet i want to kill them i can say it your feelings are never wrong right so you can feel like you'd like to murder anybody right okay there we go yeah that's perfect that's perfect um and then my cool throne is us because adam sandler's back in the movie making business and he's doing a serious role which lends you to believe he will do a serious role in boner dogs so they have this what is it called precious giant gems precious gems uncut gemsous Gemstone is the Danny McBride.
Yeah, yeah. Righteous Gemstones.
Yeah, Righteous Gemstones. So Adam Sandler, as a serious character, is always so funny.
And then they had Mike Francesa and Kevin Garnett in it. And it's a gambling movie.
And it's a gambling movie, which I didn't really understand. Was he betting? I think I understood.
He's a jewel dealer, so he's getting all this money from these high-profile clients money and then gambling but is he getting like he is my under that's my understanding of the trailer it's like kevin garnett coming in and he's like oh kevin garnett was buying jewels instead of sleeping so bet the under on all his props i think it's more like he is like taking kevin garnett's money that he kevin garnett is giving him to get jewels and then betting it and then losing it. And then Kevin Garnett is like, yo, what the fuck? I like that money.
I like that. That could be totally wrong.
But that's my that's my interpretation. I guess we'd have to watch the movie, but whatever.
Who plays Kevin Garnett? Is it Rob Schneider? Yeah. Yeah.
Kevin James. Kevin James plays.
Kevin James plays. Oh, Jimmy Kimmel plays him in one of those hilarious sketches that he used to do.
Shit, people forget. Not canceled.
Nope.

Jimmy Fallon, too, by the way.

Really?

Yeah.

Not canceled.

Jimmy Fallon's done it.

It seems like a hole in the canceled... This is as good a time as any to remind our listeners

that no matter what circumstance you're in,

Halloween's coming up,

do not darken the color of your face

for whatever reason for your Halloween costume.

Yeah, be us.

Be us.

Be us.

And if you be us and you're females, we're going to look at it and be like, I like it. I don't know what to feel.
I know. I'm on the record.
I feel good. Oh, how good? Yeah, real good.
Okay. Okay.
Go ahead. Nothing gets me going like a female version of myself.
Yes. My hot seat is Nick Starkle.
Oh oh he is the quarterback of arkansas and before the season he was like using justin bieber saying how much he loves justin bieber it pumps him up would wear a justin bieber shirt pregame and obviously some people didn't like that then they went two and two they lost to san jose last week through three touchdowns five interceptions did terrible then he he as a tweet like, don't worry, everyone. I ripped up the Bieber shirt.
Like, the bad juju is gone. Okay.
Good. Then Bieber saw that, put it on his Instagram story.
It was like, yo, this is messed up. So now he's got Bieber and the Beliebers after him.
And he's 2-2 at Arkansas. So he's, like, on the hot seat already.
So he can't get a win. Who do they play? I don't know.
I mean, He's in a must-win situation. And they're not going to win because they stink.
Oh, shit. They have Texas A&M.
They're going to get smoked. I don't know.
Bieber said he was disappointed with. I like the rivalry between Justin Bieber and the state of Arkansas.
No, but it's not the state of Arkansas. It's just their quarterback.
It's more like the two Jack guys coming together like Justin Bieber,ieber state of arkansas like hating listen i don't want to tell nick starkle what to do here but i'm gonna say to to rip up the justin bieber shirt and say that bad juju is gone maybe do that before western kentucky in november maybe don't do that before you have to play texas a&m kentucky on Auburn, and Alabama. Feels like the bad junior is going to stay.
Yeah, but is Justin Bieber really a guy that can curse your team? What's his history? It's not Bieber. It's not Bieber.
It's the Beliebers. He's got like 100 million Instagram followers that are crazy, and so if it's like Bieber's like he weaponized it, it's like this guy's canceled, then the Beliebers are going to just.
By the way, I saw Justin Bieber did the whole like I'm 25 now and I really regret how much coke I did and was like really mean to everyone. That was the most you could have guaranteed that like that.
Hey, remember when I was a shithead to everyone and did way too many drugs? He's right on time. I feel like his career is perfectly like every VH1 behind the music that's ever been made right he's having his midlife crisis right on schedule for a celebrity at 25 the Genesis halftime show of a celebrity's life is their 25 year old I regret doing all that coke and violence how do they not have Blink-182 play some hits because they're promoting the new album but seriously for the Genesis halftime show if you have Blink-182 play some hits? Because they're promoting a new album.
Fuck. But seriously, for the Genesis Halftime show, if you have Blink-182, have them come up there and be like,

Hey, we got a new album, but here's the hits.

We're going to play What's My Age Again.

Hey, if we promise to play the hits, will you buy the new album?

Deal.

And on another Redskins, we're going to open up with Pathetic.

There we go.

Not mad anymore. But they did play, what was it, I Wish I Hated You? Yeah.
Which is, yeah, again. You're not mad, though.
Not mad, but accurate. Hank, you got a cool throw? My cool throw is LaMelo Ball.
I don't know if you guys have seen any of his highlights from the NBL, but he's been tearing it up. And an ESPN reporter came out today and said he is a legitimate number one pick contender now.
Which ESPN reporter? Lonzo Ball. Jonathan Giovavoni.
I don't know who the fuck that is. ESPN contributor LeVar Ball on first take said that LeVar Ball.
Stephen A. Smith.
And he wears great shoes. You guys got to watch some of his highlights, though.
It's absolutely absurd. He throws up floaters from the three-point line.
But it's one of those things where it looked like it was crazy in high school, kind of like Zion was, where it's like, oh, he's playing against scrubs. He's not really that good.
But he's doing this in the NBL, which, as we know as owners, is a very legitimate sports league, and he's lighting it up. Really? I actually think that it's a testament to the league that you go down there and you improve so much.
That's what the league does to you. For whatever reason, the ball rotates the opposite way in the southern hemisphere.
He's throwing up 30-foot float foot floaters i can buy absurd he can hit shots from anywhere i'll walk it back because i forgot he was in the nbl because every lamello ball highlight i've ever seen it feels like he's playing in an aau game where everyone's not even trying like walking around like every highlight is him going across half court people are in just hanging out and then he just jacks up a a shot. Wait, but has the NBL season started? We should probably know this.
Yes. These are regular seasoners.
RJ Hampton is also playing well. We're 3-1.
Are we? The breakers. We're 3-1.
Breakers here. I think we're 3-1.
You update me. I'm going to do an ad real quick before we get to Jerry Springer.
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Okay, here he is, Jerry Springer. Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest.
He's a legend in the game. He has a new show called Judge Jerry.
It is Jerry Springer. I just want to chant Jerry when you're here.
You get that a lot, I'm sure. I get that a lot.
I mean, yeah, every day you get it. Every single day of your life, yeah.
Yeah, it really is. I mean, my wife for 46 years now says, you know, at your age, they should start chanting your address so you know how to get home.
Ooh, okay. Make that front of mind.
Yeah. How much – we're going to talk about Judge Jerry, your career and everything, but I always have been curious about this.
How much of your success do you attribute to the jerry chant like if your name was uh michael or well my something longer my full name is gerald you know jerry jerald wouldn't work if we were like gerald gerald wouldn't work i know but jerry when you chant jerry that did it it feet you can it in your bones. Yes.
Did you know the first Jerry chant? Can you remember it? No. Actually, it probably started because a couple of years after I started my show, Ricky Lake came along.
Yep. And I think the kids started chanting, you know, go Ricky, go Ricky.
I think that's the first show I ever remember people chanting there was then it started jerry yeah arsenio had the who who who yeah that one yeah but that wasn't a name yeah the jerry it just it always works yeah it brings tears to my eye yeah i'll tell you one place where it didn't work um i was at a uh football game i guess it was the bengals and in halftime you know you go to the men's room and in the men's room at a football game. I guess it was the Bengals.
And in halftime, you know, you go to the men's room. And in the men's room at the stadium there, you know, you have 500, 700 guys in those huge men's room at the same time.
Yeah. And then they, so it was my turn to step up to the urinal there.
And there's 500 guys behind me suddenly spot me and go well at at my age i have enough pressure i don't need 500 guys behind me chanting my name when i'm trying to take a whiz yes so did you i'll be right i'll be right with you guys no i turned around and sprayed him okay there you go just hose him down did you call me yeah yeah. Yeah, no, I mean, I used to watch a show growing up a little bit.
I was a big fan, actually, of Steve Wilkos. Yeah.
And then they had the Wilkos show. That was like a spin-off.
Well, we'd produce it. Yeah, so you guys produced it.
Just like Oprah begat Dr. Phil, I begat Steve.
You begat Wilkos. It was a painful birth.
Yes. Oh, yeah.
I mean, he's got wide shoulders. Yeah, absolutely.
Oh, man. So I remember when he got his own show, I was like, can Wilkos really pull this off? Is he a personality? Or is he just really good at keeping the peace on stage? But I think a lot of it that really made him pop from the start was he had the bald head.
So he was the most recognizable of all the security guys. But at what point were you like hey this could be we could franchise you out here steve oh i mean right away we thought i mean that's why we gave him a show because you know all the particularly the young women they would write in and you know they were attracted to him so we just thought let's give him a show and uh so we produced that show and so that's part of the were you ever uh were you ever afraid on stage or did you know that you guys had your back if you think about it first of all it's television secondly the people that come on the show if they had something against me they wouldn't come on the show anyway right the only people that are going to come on are fans of the show right and so therefore they're never angry at me never angry at me.
They may be ripping each other's wigs off, but when the show's over, they're standing around, hey, Jerry, can we have a picture? What's a good restaurant to go to in the neighborhood? I mean, it's just like the most normal, nice people in the world. Even the guy who fucked a horse? Was he like, hey, Jerry.
He married his horse. Married a horse.
It was very intimate. Yes.
Jerry, you only have stables around here. I can go.
Was he like, hey, Jerry, I'm looking for a cheeseburger. Well, we did a follow-up show because the horse left him.
Oh, that's tough. Yeah, she left him.
Love is dead. Yeah, she said he was hung like a man.
She couldn't take it. So I'm always curious to this, too, because now in 2019, it feels like everyone wants to go viral.
Everyone has a thirst for those 15 seconds of fame. So you get a lot of people faking things.
Back in the 90s, when you were doing the show and early aughts, there was maybe a little less of that. But were there people who faked stories to come on? And could you sniff them out? They occasionally would try to do that.
I'm sure somebody got through. But usually we catch them.
First of all, the producers have been doing this for years. They know how to do this.
The lawyers are all over it. You get sued if you made up the story.
Right. And you sign the documents in front of a camera.
And so that scares people away. So there are people that come to be on the show.
And then when they sit down in the room with the lawyers they get cold feet yeah then they say well no it's we won't be on the show right right so uh no what you see on the air the facts are real now their reaction that they embellish their emotions with a crowd cheering. Of course.
But what they say happened really happened.

Yes.

We did a brief appearance on the Maury Povich show.

This was like a year and a half ago.

We went on there with Hank.

Hank was entering a boxing match against somebody else that worked here,

and we were helping to promote the fight.

We were promoting Hank.

He won, by the way.

He's undefeated.

He's retired now, though.

Yeah.

He could get talked back, but he's retired for right now.

One fight? One fight, one and done. Undefeated champ.
So we just call him champ when he walks around now. Yeah.
But one of the most fascinating things to me going through that experience was the producers backstage and the logistics of them walking us from room to room to make sure that we didn't run into the people that we were there to, you know, go head to head so they they keep you all separately was there ever any times backstage where two people saw each other before the show that maybe weren't supposed to cross paths until they were on camera it it could be it probably but see i'm never allowed to know what the show is about i'm not talking about judge show i'm talking now about the the old jerry spain show and um i was never allowed to know what the show was about. When you see me walking out there with a card, all the card has on it are the names of the guests because I haven't met them.
And then my job is to ask questions that you would ask sitting at home watching and then make jokes. But I'm never allowed to know ahead of time what the subject is.
That way my reaction will be authentic rather than me faking being surprised.

Right.

So I never know.

So I don't know anything that goes on before the show starts,

who's talking to whom.

I'm just totally separate from that.

They just come in, put them on makeup, and out I go.

But I never have any idea of the show. So off that, what was the most shocking story that once you started asking questions, you're like, this is what we're doing today? Well, the one, obviously, with the guy who married his horse.
Yeah. Because obviously I didn't know that was the story.
So I start out with the first guest, which is the guy. And let's say his name was Bob.
I don't remember what it was, but let's say it was Bob. Bob's a 40-something-year-old man, and he's sitting up there on stage, and my first question every segment always is, so what's going on? So I said, hey, Bob, what's going on? He says, well, I'm having trouble with the neighbors.
What's the trouble? Well, they don't like my wife. Why don't they like your wife? Well, I don't know.
She keeps to herself. She doesn't start any arguments.
She's quiet. I have no idea.
idea well i can see this show is going nowhere this is boring so i look at the next guest pixel okay well let's meet her here's pixel out comes this horse now my reaction is the same as any human beings would be oh my god the wife pixel fell off the horse backstage. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, so I'm assuming she stopped the cameras.

Is she okay?

And the executive producer is yelling at me,

no, no, that's his wife.

What?

And that's how it goes.

Yeah, that one, I would have guessed, would be shocking.

That must be tough to come up with little jokes and quips

when you're just totally shocked into the state of almost being frozen. Actually, it's kind of natural because you would be the same way.
What's the bridal shower like? That's where I would have gone. Yeah, you would have gone.
Yeah. What was so off of that, like you're doing the show.
Are there specific stories that you loved more than others like story lines i always personally i loved when like someone fucked someone's like you know brother or sister or whatever like oh yeah like my sister's boyfriend i had sex with i loved those because i also lonely man well no well you gotta understand he was ahead of his time no you gotta understand No, you got to understand something. We're both 34 years old.
Yes. So we watched the show in the 90s when we were young kids.
And I watched hoping that I would get to see a blurred out tit. Yes.
So when it's like, oh, my sister fucked my boyfriend, I'm like, this is probably going to end up in a blurred out tit. Yeah.
So did that happen often? There was a lot of blurring. Yeah.
And do you ever have people come up my age being like, hey, Jerry, I watch your show because I want to see some tits. If you're at the studio, of course, nothing is blurred out.
Oh, so you've seen a lot of tits. Well, you've seen one.
Yeah. I want to get to the Judge Jerry thing real quick because it seems like an interesting turn for you.
Kind of like I saw the preview for it, and it seems like you're doing a Judge Judy type thing, but with a little bit of – I want to say like you teach a lesson at the end. Or you use more compassion than she does.
Is that fair? Probably. Our styles are different.
I mean, I know her and she's a lovely lady, but she's a disciplinarian as a judge. And I'm more of a father talking to his kid or his grandson.
In other words, you can be firm, but there's no meanness. You explain to them why you're reaching the decision you're reaching.
And so when they walk out of there, even if they've lost the case, they kind of understand it and they're not thinking that they didn't even get heard. Right.
And just that's the way I am in life. I don't yell at people or, you know, so that's how I treat the people in front of me.
Plus, I probably have a unique experience, and I just thought of this yesterday when I was doing some interviews, that most judges never have. I have, for 50 years, every job I've had has been dealing with regular people, not celebrities, regular people involved in all kinds of things that are going on in their life.
Just on the show, I've had 50,000 guests. And then 10 years as a city councilman, as a mayor, you're dealing with regular people.
As a 10 years as a reporter and an anchor, you're dealing with regular people. So I know their lives.
So when I'm sitting as a judge and there's a case before me, it's not just, oh, here's the ordinance, here's the statute. It's I know what lives these people are living.
So there's a human being in front of me. And that gives a whole new dimension to the kind of decisions I make.
I know the baggage that they're bringing to the case, not just they did this and here's the ordinance. It's not a formula.
It's more an understanding of their life. And I think that probably winds up inevitably having more compassion.
You should team up with the NFL and you should just become their disciplinarian, like the person that decides the punishments, because I think that that is probably, you probably would do a better job than Roger Goodell who just like spins a wheel and he's like, okay, four game suspension for you. Where'd you go to law school? Northwestern University.
Okay. Nice.
So are they, no, the journalism school got discredited. They did? Yeah, yeah.
They lost their accreditation. Yeah, they lost, we call it discredited, but they lost their accreditation.
Oh, I know. Yeah, yeah.
It's a big deal. No, I went to the law school.
Okay, so were you practicing as a lawyer for a while? About 10 years. And now you're back in the law world.
Well, that's why they gave me the show. They came in.
They said, you know, you're a lawyer, and you've been daytime television forever, and so that's the audience. Why don't you do a judge show? It's perfect.
It's perfect. So I wanted to actually talk a little bit about your career.
You, like you said, a mayor. You were in, what was it? A congressperson for Ohio, right? Yeah.
I ran for Congress in 1970. Yep.
As an anti-war candidate. Okay.
was 25 and i just come from new york and but i won the primary and all of a sudden that's how i became known as this new york kid that uh so and then as mayor what were you were mayor for how long but two terms two terms and did you enjoy it did you like doing being a mayor like that seems like best job i ever had really yeah even including the years on television wow well because that's yeah that's filling well i would actually imagine that talking to a guy who's married to a horse is fulfilling in its own right yeah but we well around the time of the kentucky derby yes that's when it really pops that's when it really yeah that's when we show that show all the time for horse lovers but it's fascinating to me because you know you don't see a lot of people who are in public office then transition uh to a completely different career usually when you're in politics you're kind of in politics for life was when you made that transition were you ever being are you ever thinking like maybe i'm going to get back into politics or this is it it used to cross my mind once in a while but i always knew separately that i would make my living doing something different than politics politics is to me like religion something you really believe in i didn't want that compromised by the need to put food on the table for my family which would mean i would say anything or do anything to get reelected. I think that's where we get corruption in politics, whether it's intellectual corruption or financial corruption.
People have to get reelected, so they all of a sudden start doing things they shouldn't be doing or making decisions they know is not the best thing for the country or the community. But I could always have my politics be pure because I knew I'd make my living doing something else.
I thought I'd be making a living being a lawyer. I didn't realize that my living would come from show business.
That was the surprise. But I always knew it would be separate.
So as the mayor of Cincinnati, did you have to pretend that you like Skyline Chili? I love Skyline Chili. Me too.
Me too. Love it.
Me too. Love it.
This is the first time that I can actually, I feel comfortable saying it. And everyone from any other part of the country laughs at you.
Yeah, they do. Because if you meet someone from Texas, when you meet someone from Texas.
You love it now? You're saying you love it now. I enjoy Skyline Chili.
I mean, this is, you've told. I'm coming out.
I'm coming out. It's got a sweetness to it.
Yes, it's got sweetness. No, this is such a bullshit.
And you know what? You get the truth. Oh, you want to step outside.
This is bullshit. Jerry, Jerry.
Let's go. You know, I'm Steve Wilkos here to bring it up.
I'm going to throw a chair at Big Cat. He literally, this is the first time he's ever said he loved it.
I enjoy it. He did it because you said it.
I like it once a year. He hates it.
We shit on it all the time. I feel comfortable being in a safe space around Jerry Springer.
You've been around people who've said they like Jerry Springer. Yeah, you know what? And you know what? You get the oyster cracker at the start.

Oh, yes.

Put the hot sauce on it.

Yeah.

Oh, come on.

Give it to me.

Yes.

Give it to me.

It's so good.

This is more disgusting than Skyline Chili.

No.

No.

My worst season's over.

Yeah.

Just chill out, dude.

Chill out.

Skyline, man.

It's good.

It's good.

It's gross.

And you know it's gross.

I love it.

Yeah.

That's a lie.

Yeah, but Texas.

But yeah, people that otherwise eat chili,

They can't believe we. I love it.
Yeah. That's a lie.
Yeah, but Texas, people that otherwise eat chili, they can't believe we call that chili. Yeah, in Texas, I lived there for about nine years.
We have all sorts of rules. Beans don't count in chili.
It's a whole thing. Well, you get a three-way, which is the spaghetti, the chili, and the beans.
Yep, and then you get the four-way, which is the onions, right? Yes. And then the five-way is when you add in...
What's the five-way? Oh, I thought you loved Skyline Chili. I've never had the five-way.
Yeah, I'm a three-way guy. Big Cat doesn't let me do it.
You actually have had five-way. I've been there with you.
I have. Don't remember it.
That's interesting. That's interesting.
What you brought up earlier was kind of fascinating when you said that you did not know the topic of any show before it started taping. Yeah, they don't tell me tell me that's kind of crazy so you have to ask these leading questions to figure out what the show is going to be about yeah you're kind of in charge of directing which direction it goes even though you don't even know yeah but that makes it more fun yeah it's a fun thing and then afterwards you would do your final thought so would you have a minute to sit down and compose that yeah would you tape that like well after the fact or would no i be around it's within five minutes i you know but it it takes five minutes to write how often would people come up to you afterwards and be like hey jerry i was on your show 10 years ago and oh that does happen what was the most remarkable story or one that you can remember uh i'm not sure i remember but i hear that a lot or my mom was on your store your show and i always say oh i'm so sorry yeah right because it can't have been something good right uh-huh right you know you don't get on because you've won the nobel prize that would actually be a nice like curveball you throw everyone like this guy won a nobel come on out the winner he didn't fuck anyone's you know wife or anything he just won a nobel prize that's.
Was there ever a positive story that came out? Like something that was obviously not the Nobel Prize, but something that surprised you because it was kind of heartfelt and good? Well, early on, about three or four years in, we became a circus. But before we went to circus rites.
To put it nicely. But before we went to circus rites, right yeah there were a lot of stories of really nice things particularly involving children and stuff like that yeah there

were heartwarming stories in the beginning so when you became a circus you got a lot of blow

back from uh a bunch of different groups like trying to take you off television what was your

usual take it was almost like you were ahead of your time on doing something that was maybe over

the line and having people push back at you which is now kind of a phenomenon we see all the time what would you what was your you know how would you survive that day-to-day week-to-week year-to-year uh i i never thought about it much in other words to me it was always just television it was never my life right so i just wouldn't get that excited about it. It just seemed like nonsense.
Right. And with all the things going on in the world, complaining about a television show seemed like, oh, get a life.
You want to talk issues? Let's talk issues. Right.
That's why God gave us remote control. If you don't like it, change the channel.
That's a good approach. Yeah.
So I never got – I'm not saying people – Look, I could think of lots of reasons not to like the show. And as I said, I would never watch it.
That's fantastic. Yeah.
But no, I wouldn't watch it because I was never of that age group. Right.
In other words, if I was your age or in college or whatever, of course I would watch. I mean, I would have been the first one to buy the tapes and do all of that.
But when you're 75 years old or 65 years old or 55 years old, that's not who the show is aimed at. I'm not saying people of that age don't watch, but that's not like, let's get these 75-year-olds.
No, that's applicable to what we do. It's not my taste.

So why would I watch it?

We have that a lot where people who don't like us

and we always are like,

well, this isn't aimed towards you.

This isn't necessarily a product for you.

And you can change a channel.

I mean, you can change a channel on the internet

a lot easier than you can on a TV

because my remote control has been broken for like a month

and I haven't done anything to fix it.

So it sucks. If I see someone that makes a spaghetti I don't like.
Skyline Chili? Yeah. No, we're talking spaghetti.
It's a different dish. Yeah.
I don't say, you know, I hate you. Right.
Yeah. Good point, Jerry.
Don't buy my spaghetti. Buy the other guys.
Yeah, let people eat what they want to eat. I appreciate that.
Or let people pretend they don't like something they don't like to eat. And then when Jerry Springer shows up, they decide they love it.
Let people eat what they like to eat. It's a fake life.
Shit. You had the government coming at you at one point.
Ooh. You had Big Brother.
Bad boy. Joe Lieberman.
Yeah. He made a few statements saying that it shouldn't be on the air, that sort of thing.
How you were corrupting the youth. Did you ever feel like you were ever corrupting any youth no i mean you corrupted me for sure well that i tried yeah but uh but that was easy yeah that was very easy you went easy that was very easy you fell in the first round yeah yeah absolutely yeah no of course not but uh you know it's fine when people in in politics and he probably i'm not saying he was insincere, he probably really believed it.
And that's good. That's what's, that's why we have a free society.
Everyone's entitled to their opinion. Everyone's entitled to the only thing you can't do.
I never told people they should watch the show because it's up to your own taste. It's not for everybody.
But I did stand up against people who tried to censor it. because a free society you don't have the right to tell other people you know what they can believe what they can watch what they can read you know unless children uh but otherwise no you can't do that so therefore you know who is any senator you know how do they have a right to what, you know, what other people can enjoy or watch? This is a free society.
So, of course, I'll stand up against that. I don't believe in censorship.
Was there ever a moment where you're like, oh, man, this circus works? Was it like, you know, some guy comes out and he's dressed like an adult baby and you're like, you're on to something? It never really happened in watching the show or in being there. I think the first time that I said, oh, my gosh, well, there were two times, one being on the cover of Rolling Stone, and the other was being on The Simpsons.
I figured, I remember commenting, I said, geez, we've made a cultural mark, even though we didn't intend to. It was just putting on a stupid show.
But, wow, if this is what's going on, I should pay attention to what we're doing more. And I remember that having an effect.
I remember being at home, you know, we were talking about it, my family. You know, my daughter saying, look, this is, you know, something's going on yeah so that that reminded me that yeah maybe this is having some effect on on how people like it yeah um at any point did you guys add in extra bleeps or blurs where they didn't need to be blurs because i had a theory that you did that sometimes and you were right knew it yep Because it seems so much cooler.
I don't know the digitalizing, you know, so that you don't see breasts or whatever. But with the bleeps, that is true.
If a show was going slow, you know, the editors would throw in a bleep to make you think that the person cursed. Oh, we should do that.
Absolutely. Yeah.
We should. All right.
So my last question, question promo code don't want to the late night comedians have a bit yeah unnecessary censorship jimmy kimmel does that oh yeah fuck that yeah no bleep out that and yeah fuck fuck yeah boom uh last question seek e question promo code take use ten dollars you get ten uh ten dollars off your seek geek purchase promo code take you are a sports fan this is a sports podcast pete rose hall of famer has to be in uh yes okay and yankee fan diehard yankee fan yes um let's go with hmm aaron judge has he earned his pinstripes oh yeah i mean he hasn a World Series. Well.
How do you earn your pinstripes? You haven't won a World Series. Well, have me back a month from now, and you'll apologize.
Okay. Okay.
Premature pinstripes. No, he's one of those.
Well, of course, he's been with the Yankees for. Longevity.
Those pinstripes. Gleyber Torres.
Yeah, you're not talking Hall of Fame. You're talking...
Yeah, he's a Yankee. And you know what? Better than the Hall of Fame.
Yes. Yeah.
Oh, Torres is, you know... Pinstripes? He may be the best all-around player on the team.
So you're saying he earned his pinstripes? Yeah. You can tell we're a little bit obsessed with the pinstripes.
You have a loose bar for the pinstripes. It's the only part of me that's Republican.
Is it being a Yankees fan? Being a Yankees fan that you can buy anything and that you wear pinstripe suits. There you go.
Appreciate it. So one part of me I give to the Republicans, but everything else, no.
Okay. I love it.
I love it. Are you a Bengals fan? Yes, but I grew up in New York, so I'm also a Giants fan.

Okay.

Go a couple ways there.

Yeah, those teams never will cross paths.

All right.

Well, Judge Jerry, when is the premiere?

It started Monday.

It started Monday.

So there you go.

This is the third day of the show.

It's the third day of the show.

Make sure you check it out.

Judge Jerry.

Jerry Springer's back.

It's in every city in America.

So wherever you live.

Literally every city?

Every city.

Literally.

It's 100%.

Can I sue you if that's not the case?

You can sue me. On Judge Jerry? Yeah, but I'm the judge, you'll lose can i give you a little tip maybe goose the ratings a little bit uh jim harbaugh is a huge fan of daytime judge shows you should have him sit in the audience for or get saved he would love that yeah get saved here's what you do have me been and harbaughhead over satellite caps.
Well, let me give you a Jim Harbaugh story.

Please do.

Four or five years ago, I'm with my grandson in Disneyland out in Anaheim.

And someone yells out, hey, Jerry.

I turn around.

God, the guy looks so familiar.

It's Jim Harbaugh.

Hey, how you doing?

Oh, big fan of the show.

You know, watch it during practices when we're getting ready for practice etc and all that yeah let's take pictures you know and he so he put me on his phone and all of a sudden i get all these and you know i'm from ohio um you know cincinnati so you know with michigan yeah the team up north he was a great guy. I mean, he was really that.
But he mentioned that he's a real, and he would talk about specific shows we've done. Of course he is.
So it wasn't like, you know, meet a celebrity and say, hey, how are you doing? I love your work. You know, I love your show.
I love your movie. You didn't even see the movie.
But, you know, we all feel when we meet someone who's well-known that we've got to say something and the only thing we we know to say because otherwise what kind of conversation you're going to have with the person you know what do you when you meet a let's say a celebrity what do you talk to them other than what they're known for yeah exactly you know you don't say hey did you get that new car yet yeah right what's going on and the kid's doing well so you have he knew specific shows we had done. Of course he did.
He's probably like that guy that got breast implants. Can you get milk out of those? Yeah.
He has it all in his Excel spreadsheet, which is a spreadsheet for life. So Judge Jerry, check it out.
Jerry Springer, legend of the game. Thank you so much.
Thanks for having me, guys. This is fun.
Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. It's okay because I'm not going to the men's.
No, you're supposed to piss. You're supposed to, Jerry.
Go ahead and do it. Whip it out.
Jerry, Jerry. All right, thanks so much.
Hey, what's going on there, pal? We saw you at the hockey game on. Do I know you guys? I'm Ryan Whitney.
I got a drink named after me. Not a big deal.
Pink Whitney? That's what I thought. See you, fellas.
I invented the thing, you pigeon. Pink Whitney for legendary moments.
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That's getroman.com slash take. Okay, let's get to some segments.
First up, we have a- have no idea about the i don't think we've played uh yeah i looked up the schedule and there's groups good news is no good news is the breakers are in first place bad news is nobody's played a game yet so they're all everyone's tied everyone's in the playoff hunt if the if the season ended today we would be tied for first place. So, Hank, are you just watching practice teams? Lomelo Ball is getting no one pick buzz after his first games in Australia.
Number one pick buzz. Yeah, okay, got it.
So, I think he's been maybe doing some preseason. It must be preseason.
But either way, it doesn't matter. 30-foot floaters are 30-foot floaters.
Right. Preseason down in the NBL is like playoff speed in the NBA.
Yeah, okay. So 30-foot floaters or 30-foot floaters, but we haven't played a game yet.
October 18th. At home.
There we go. Against the Sydney Kings.
Yes, and we – nope, we lost our last game. Never mind.
Well, that was in the playoffs, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
The playoffs. Yes, we didn't win at win at all okay so we have a couple new segments for you first is how how dare you sir uh this also could be the keith olberman segment even though it's not about keith olberman it's about michael vick going michael vick's on tv now yeah okay uh michael vick saying how dare you sir to cam newton wearing ridiculous post-game outfits Yes.
He said that Newton needs to focus on being a quarterback, not a fashion icon. He said, this isn't a fashion show.
This is football. So strong words.
Damn. From the moral authority of quarterback play.
Yes. Stick to just playing football.
Don't do anything outside of football, like wearing ridiculous outfits or murdering dogs. You should be.
Wait, wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Oh, I just threw that in. I was just Michael Vick.
It's usually I always say that. I'm like, look at that guy.
He's wearing such a crazy outfit. And and look at that guy over there.
He's murdering dogs. Oh, so it's just peanut butter and jelly because Tony Dungy absolved him of that.
So it technically didn't happen in the past. It actually would be fucking hilarious if Cam Newton showed up for his next postgame presser wearing one of those dog safety outfits.
Yeah. That you get attacked by.
Yes. That's what you should do, Cam, or take a page out of Kyle Long's postgame attire.
Yes. Yeah.
No one. And then you can come on the show.
Yeah. Talking hieroglyphics.
Cam Newton. I'm circling Cam Newton, Kyle Allen, if he plays well in Houston.

Yeah.

I think, did I not say after the first week,

like this is the year that it falls off for Cam Newton?

I said it before the Tampa Bay game.

Are you Chris Boucharding it?

That's the first I heard say.

By the way, I've been getting a lot of shit

for doing the cocky Dunchain on the Vikings.

I stand by it.

I know, it's just kind of like Dunchain's supposed to be for teams that have a losing losing record and we're like, they're done. You did it off of a win.
Yeah. So it kind of ruins the whole vibe of the done chain.
No, it is. Like you're supposed to come into Sunday, Monday and be like, this team stinks.
We're overreacting to a loss. They're done.
I wanted to make a statement on a win. I wanted to make a statement.
Yeah. Okay.
Hey, slow to curse. That's fine.

That's fine.

Um,

all right,

we have another one.

Pardon my technology corner.

That was a mouthful.

Pat Fitzgerald though.

Pat Fitzgerald should have won football guy of the week.

Who won?

Danny Vitale won.

Pat Fitzgerald should have won though,

because he,

Northwestern hasn't been playing well.

They got beat by Michigan state.

They got to go up to Madison on Saturday.

Probably going to get the shit kicked out of them.

Whatever.

But he said, I understand there are 40,000 experts on Twitter that can call plays for me.

My email address is hashtag I don't care.

That's good.

That's a pretty good email address.

Yeah, that's not.

I'm surprised that was still available.

Yeah, that's crazy.

Can we sign up for hashtag I don't care at gmail.com?. Yeah.
I also I'm going to do a little stat check on this. There's no chance, no chance that there are 40,000 people tweeting about Northwestern's play calling.
Yeah, there are. They're all former graduates of Medill.
Darren Revell might be tweeting. No, Darren Revell wouldn't even do that.
So, no, Darren Revell thinks that they're going to win every single game

and gets nervous about Northwestern football.

Here's how you can tell if somebody's an expert about football on Twitter.

Well, there are two ways.

One is if they have their favorite team's record in their username

that they update after every week.

That person knows their shit.

And then the second is if their Twitter handle starts with DFS.

Yes.

For Daily Fantasy Sports.

Yes.

Like DFS Johnny.

Or if they have NFL anywhere in it.

Thank you. knows their shit.
And then the second is if their Twitter handle starts with DFS. Yes.
For daily fantasy. Yes.
Like DFS, DFS, Johnny, or if they have NFL anywhere in it. That's also true.
It's huge. Ross Tucker NFL.
The first time I saw him tweet, I was like, who's this bozo? What does he know about? Oh, okay. All right.
Brandon Walker, sec. Watch out.
He knows the sec. Damn.
Yeah. So 40,000 people tweeting at Pat Fitzgerald about the play calling.

Again, I don't think that that's happening.

Not only – What?

40.

40, maybe.

40 tops.

But not only is it not 40,000, it's also like what other play would Northwestern run

except run the ball or maybe like a quick slant?

That's about it.

I don't know. No one's being like, hey, man, we got to get our athletes in space.
Yeah, it's at not Freddy Kitchens. Run the ball, fourth and nine.
Yeah. Pussy.
You won't do it. This was one of those circumstances where hearing somebody talk about how little they know about technology makes me feel really dumb for knowing so much about technology.
Yes. You know, like when you try to explain something to a grandparent or an old person and they're just like i don't understand like why why do you need to log into instagram right it makes you feel really dumb for feeling like you have to do that in your life yeah so nonetheless i mean pat Fitzgerald won the football guy of the week this week just from this because that is a total football guy to I honestly don't think he knows how Twitter and email works um and I I honestly don't think that Pat Fitzgerald like who who the fuck here's another thing who the fuck is complaining about Northwestern football when Pat Fitzgerald has literally gotten them to the glory days these are the glory days you will look back on this and be like remember the time when we went to Indy and lost to Ohio State we were down by seven and a half time right those are the glory days.
You will look back on this and be like, remember the time when we went to Indy and lost to Ohio State. We were down by seven and a half time.
Right. Those are the glory days.
You don't complain about that. So hashtag people don't care because you actually have a team that's relevant.
Well, so it's just struck me that he's probably talking about everybody that's at the games. Yes.
So you can't have it both ways. Pat Fitzgerald.
Are people not going to the games because they're on their phone? Yeah. Or are they all attending the games to use their phone and tell you what plays to run? A little chicken and the egg.
Yeah. All right.
So let's do our PMT Sports Biz Minute. Good morning.
This is Jake Marsh with the PMT Sports Biz Minute. The NFL kicker epidemic continues.
Of course, Mac Day of the Buccaneers missed the potential game winner over the weekend to give the Giants their first win of the season. But the alarming part about this is even future Hall of Famers and veterans are missing left and right too.
Adam Gimiteri and Steven Gostkowski have each missed three extra points so far this season. All NFL goalposts were painted a yellowish gold in 1966.
And according to U.S. Pat patent 542-9350, they are built to support the weight of 22 fans at one time.
So the next time you feel like storming the field, I'm counting on some AWL to test that out and see if that number is indeed true. October is right around the corner, and you know what that means.
Champagne celebration season in Major League Baseball In a 750-milliliter bottle of champagne, there are approximately 49 million bubbles, 25 guys on the team, about 20 celebrations, and whoa, that's your PNC Sports Minute. Mr.
Commenter, back to you. Thanks, Jake.
Very cool. Very cool.
Those are some cool stats. The bubble facts were nice.
Yeah. Yeah, the bubble facts.
Bubble facts. Yeah, I didn't know that much about bubbles.
49,000 bubbles in a bottle of champagne. Is that right? Is that true? Excuse me, 49 million.
Million? Yeah. How's that possible? They just pack them in there.
Damn. Okay, let's do...
It's like an Ecuadorian bus. Hank is very...
He's very confused. I guess you guys haven't ridden on in ecuador before no no uh hank do you want to do uh guys on chicks by the way i just looked hashed or i looked up pat fitzgerald play calling and all i got was a tweet from 2015 i love pat fitzgerald as a human being but this play calling mysterious okay so actually it stands that's actually a very nice way to question somebody's play call.
Yeah. Like, I love Pat Fitzgerald as a human being, but this play calling mysterious.
Okay, so actually, it stands. That's actually a very nice way to question somebody's play calling.
Yeah. Like, I love you, but I would have passed there.
Yes, yes. But I love you.
Yeah. Okay, let's go.
Hey, fellas, especially Daddy Cat. If I'm pregnant and go swimming, how does the baby not drown? Umbilical cord is like a snorkel.
So if you keep your belly button above the water it's fine that's actually a fact for real yeah yeah that's how babies breathe but that's not if she goes swimming obviously her belly button's going back yeah right you float backstroke have you never have you never been to ken bones favorite subreddit nope they just do the backstroke and they and their bellies just stick out and it's majestic.

It's actually the number four website in the entire world according to CumScore.com.

Yeah. That sucks, by the

way, when they always are like,

pregnant women can't go into

hot tubs because when you go to a hotel

and there's a hot tub, it's awesome.

Can they at least do the thing where they

sit on the edge and warm their tootsies?

I don't know. It says elderly, kids, pregnant women, diarrhea.

Jalen Ramsey.

You're out the tub.

That literally is the entire population of America.

Old people, kids, pregnant women, diarrhea.

You're right.

Check, check, check.

Yeah.

Yep.

Okay.

Sup, boys.

This weekend I hooked up with a guy and he was smiling the entire time.

I've seen some weird faces during a hookup, but never just smiling the entire time.

It was super creepy.

Is he a serial killer?

Thanks.

Might just be Heinz Ward.

He's a serial killer.

Patrick Bateman.

No, is that his name?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Oh, you just saw that movie.

Mm-hmm.

Have you been thinking about it a lot?

No.

Have you had the urge to kill some homeless people?

I actually have.

You've had the urge to kill homeless people?

Have you had the urge to put a cat into an ATM machine? Is that what he's trying to do? Yeah. Is, like, was that all a dream, though? Oh, man.
I think so. I haven't seen it in forever.
That's what I couldn't figure out at the end. I think I saw it when it came out and haven't watched it again.
I think so. Yeah, it was weird.
Yeah, I think he's like... It's like that was all in his mind and the drawing.
Right. Because it would be like murder and then it would be him drawing it.
Someone tell us. Someone spoil it for us because we don't remember.
So the question is, is it weird for a guy to smile whilst you're hooking up throughout an evening? Yeah. He's just happy.
Oh, that's very weird. Would you rather he be crying? No, because you'd be thinking the whole time they'd be thinking of trying not to, you know, unload.
So it's like you shouldn't be smiling that whole time. Maybe that's his anti-unload face.
Like, if I smile through this, have you ever heard of Grin and Barrett? That's a good point. He hates sex.
Maybe he's a Yankees fan, so he's really happy while he's thinking about baseball. And then, yeah, that's why.
This season's been going great. What's up? What's happening, boys, especially newly verified bare hand fish catching Hank and sometimes 5'10 PFT? My fiance has trouble pooping anywhere other than work and home.
If we go away for a few days, he gets constipated and then complains about stomach pain and blames it on being away. This past weekend, we were away at a wedding for my friend.
He was absent for about half the reception because he was trying to pinch one off, then was miserable when he couldn't. Then we got home.
He blew up our bathroom and proceeded to gloat about how great of a dump he took. Any suggestions to fix this issue? Yeah.
Stop at Taco Bell on your road trips. Damn.
This guy's fucked up. I have the opposite problem.
I like pooping in new places. You know those old people that have RVs? Just not Scott Boris's office.
That's true. Right.
Because respect. Out of respect for the man and his many decorative baseball bats.
Yes. But you know how on the back of RVs old people have the states that they've been to colored in? Yeah.
That's kind of like me with bathrooms. Yeah.
It's like check that one off the list. Yeah.
World traveler. I never understood people who are either or like PFT who likes to poop other places and people who can only poop at home.
That just seems weird to me. It's a safe.
Go when you got to go. Some people see it as like a safety issue.
When I say it, it's when I poop in jail. It's like, oh, end of the world.
jail i never i was there have i ever have i ever said yes on this show no oh yeah about you pooping in jail yes i don't think so i rushmore during the ghost at the ghost hunting i thought it was weirder that you like took a long nap in jail i mean also it was yeah well did you work out you can get if you sleep in jail keep asleep with one eye open dude i've i've also heard that i couldn't actually sleep it was vital i was with feidel mean, that one you can get. If you sleep in jail, keep asleep with one eye open, dude.

I've also heard that.

I couldn't actually sleep.

I was with Feidelberg and he was snoring.

Somebody told me that dogs, they look at you when they're pooping because that's when they feel like they're at their most vulnerable.

And so Leroy busted into the bathroom, broke down the door while I was pooping the other day and came and just laid down on my foot.

And the person told me it's because he knew I was at my most.

So he was protecting me.

Damn.

Good dog.

Dogs.

Major boot for that one.

Yeah.

Sup boys.

So Rex Chapman's going to tweet that and be like dogs.

Gotta love them.

After he tweets 10 straight videos of someone dying.

He mixes those in and it's so funny. It's like, what this guy in Russia getting fucking smoked by a bus.
Block or charge. And then the next one, watch this guy in China falling off a roof.
Block or charge. Then a dog licking a baby's face.
Dogs. We don't deserve them.
Sup, boys. So a couple days ago I was really horny but couldn't see my guy so I decided to take care of it myself What is that like a drug dealer For being horny My guy I really get off to dirty text messages So I went back and read through old sex The kicker They were old sex from my ex Sounds like an album From a few months ago The worst part As I was reading through them I held one of the messages down and accidentally liked it.
Oh. That newest feature on iMessage.
So my ex got a text on a very old, dirty message, and I'm dating someone else. I am horrified.
What do I do? Say you got the new iPhone. Just start liking every single one.
It's a bug in the software. It's a bug in the software.
For like two years. Uh-huh.
You updated. You got the new phone.
Shit's going crazy.

Start sending text messages

in all caps

with links to Russian websites.

Yep.

They'll think you got hacked.

Mass text message

your entire phone book

and be like,

hey, just got the new iPhone.

If you get a weird text message from me,

it's because my old one got compromised.

It got stolen.

Yeah.

Good call.

Or hope he sees it

and then you can just do

some like up-to-date sext.

You know,

because he definitely did.

He jerked off to that like

Thank you. Stolen.
Yeah. Good call.
Or hope he sees it, and then you can just do some up-to-date sext.

You know?

Because he definitely did.

He jerked off to that like.

Probably.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Because he had to scroll up and be like, what did she just like?

Yeah.

And then he got caught in the whole thing. Also, that heart looks sick sometimes.

Yeah.

So you guys had sex.

My husband always tells his friend that our first child was an anal birth.

That's guy humor. Is an anal birth actually possible? Yeah, for sure.
It's called going number two. Can you imagine meeting new people and the guy's just like, yeah, our kid.
I fucked her in the ass. That's how we had Johnny over here.
That's just good old-fashioned guy humor. My sperm, they wear old World War I Germany-style helmets with a spike on their head so they can just burrow through the colon.
We still haven't consummated our marriage. This guy has a sick split level in Toledo, Ohio.
Alright, last one. Good question though, Chase.
What's up, boys? Especially DadCat. Last winter, my fian fiance and I found out that we were going to be having a baby.
When we told his parents about the news. Wait, wait, wait.
Okay, last winter. I mean, I think you've had the baby.
You're about to. Just heads up, dude.
You might be a dad. You'll find out what.
Wait, no, it's a mom. It's a mom.
You might have already had the baby. Are there ways to induce birth, like through audio stimuli? When we told his parents about the news.
A baby whining, like they start to lactate. That's a cat.
When we told his parents about the news, they were very excited considering that this was going to be their first grandchild. After months, a few months after telling him, his mom came to us and said she knew what she wanted our baby to call her.

She then went to explain she wanted to be called Mama and that I could be called Mother.

Dot, dot, dot.

Yes, Mother.

My fiance and I laughed it off thinking it was a joke and never to be brought up again.

I had our sweet baby girl two weeks ago.

Oh!

And the first time his mom held her, she said, come to Mama, let me hold you.

My fiance told her that she was going to be called Grammy, but she refuses and says she's too young to be called that. Any advice on how we can get her to stop referring to herself as Mama without causing tension? That's a very good question.
We'd probably have to see a picture of this gulf. You look like Meemaw.
Meemaw? Meemaw is worse than Grammy. You know Meemaw the baker? Nope.
That's a way you... No,ow the elf.
It's the baker. No, he's cooking Kentucky in a frying pan.
It's Minnesota, Iowa, Missouri, Arkansas, Louisiana. Louisiana's the boot.
Yeah. Mimow the baker.
That's how you remember the states. Go Tigers.
What was the question? You can get free rent in all those states if you live in any of them? If you're a baker. Yeah, reciprocity throughout Tornado Alley.
So the question was, how do you get the grandma to not call herself mama? How do you stop that? That's actually a very good question. She's a gilf.
She has to get pregnant. The grandmother? Yeah, the grandmother has to get pregnant again.
Mama. Because that would be too...
Because she'd want to call her child mom... She'd want her child to call her mama too.
And you can't have them calling you the same thing. Fun fact, when we rescued Stella, not to brag, but rescued Stella, whatever, the pound gave her the name Mama.
How terrible is that? That's an awful name. Awful name.
As somebody that sold used dogs. If somebody suggested that name, I'd say get the fuck off my lot.
Mama. Yeah.
What the fuck? This dog's named wizard. And that's the end of the story.
Yeah. I think you're just screwed.
I think you're screwed. Yeah.
I think just have her get pregnant. That's really the only way.
Yeah. Get a turkey baster.
Have your fiance. No, that's weird.
Get a turkey baster and have your father-in-law jack off into it. No, you know what? Say that you can be mama, but you have to pay for the kid's entire education.
Fair. That's fair.
You get it. Well, just any expense.
Any expense. You have to, yeah, just start billing her as the mama.

This is a free baby.

There it is.

I'm the nanny.

I'll call myself nanny.

You pay me.

Yep.

To take care of my baby.

I love it.

I love it.

All right.

Okay.

So Friday, huge guests.

Big, big guests.

Two guests.

Two very large guests.

Get very excited.

Big guests.

Love you guys Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.