Jerry Springer, Kyle Long On The Bears HUGE Win, And Guys On Chicks

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Speaker 1 On today's part in my take, we have the legend Jerry Springer in studio. We also have our good friend, recurring guest, Kyle Long, who calls in after a huge Monday night win.

Speaker 1 We have Guys on Chicks, hot seat, cool throne, and maybe a little coach's firing. I wanted to throw that out there, PFT.
We're going to maybe talk a little. We don't talk about another man's job.

Speaker 1 Whose job is maybe on the line coming up?

Speaker 3 When cool, creamy ranch meets tangy, bold buffalo, the hole is greater than the sum of its sauce.

Speaker 4 Say howdy, partner, to new Buffalo Ranch sauce, only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Speaker 1 At participating, McDonald's. Okay, let's go.

Speaker 1 Now in the streets, there is violence.

Speaker 1 And I'm not loud to sound work to be done.

Speaker 1 No place to hang out on washing.

Speaker 1 And I can't blame all on the sun. Oh, no, we're gonna rock it down to Elan Trick Avenue.

Speaker 1 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're gonna rock it down to E-LAN. Trick Avenue.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Part of My Take, presented by the Cash App. Go Go download it right now.
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Today is Wednesday, September 25th, and the Bears are back.

Speaker 1 Congratulations. Because they just, if they're really back, if they could just find a way to play the Redskins every single week.
Congratulations. I'm very, very happy for you.
The Bears are back.

Speaker 1 Mitch is back. I've lost 17 wins.
I know, before we get into the Monday night stuff, I know we stick to sports on this podcast.

Speaker 1 We try to stay out of politics a lot, but there's some crazy stuff happening in the world right now, especially coming out of a nation's capital. Uh-oh.
I know you guys don't want me to talk about it.

Speaker 1 But I feel like we should say something. It's our responsibility.
We have a big platform. And at least my opinion,

Speaker 1 I'm fucking disgusted with it. I'm over.

Speaker 5 I'm over it, okay?

Speaker 1 The nepotism, the racial slurs, the...

Speaker 1 incompetent one-sided negotiations the the awful trade deals that we're getting ourselves into it's a fucking national embarrassment and uh it's not like the leadership hasn't shown what type of

Speaker 1 person that they are. Like, you can go back not just the last two years.

Speaker 1 You can look at decades' worth of this stuff

Speaker 1 on the record, using racial slurs all the time, brandishing them. It's part of their history.
I'm sorry, it's just, it's time that we removed Dan Snyder.

Speaker 1 It's time we get his ass out of the nation's cattle. I don't know how to remove an owner in the NFL.
That's the big problem I'm running into.

Speaker 1 Because this is a team that I grew up loving, not just liking. I loved them.
I lived and died with every play. And

Speaker 1 I can compartmentalize. I can put it in the back of my head pretty easily most of the times.

Speaker 1 But when they play a Monday night game, it becomes a national thing where everyone gets to see how incompetent the team is run

Speaker 1 on a full scale. Hold on.
Did you see the guy who was mixing the Gatorade

Speaker 1 with a whole sleeve of cups? Yeah, good for him. That guy knows what he's doing.
He was using Styrofoam cups to mix Gatorade. So, hey, that's a great idea.

Speaker 1 Maybe Jamarcus Russell and Rolando McLean will come play

Speaker 1 now that they see that styrofoam is a big part of our culture. Did you see the flag guy who couldn't get the flag up at halftime? I saw that too.
He was in the middle of the field. I saw that, too.

Speaker 1 I agree with you. Incompetent, I've always said incompetent organizations do incompetent things, and people find a way to see, they spot their incompetence left and right.
Yes.

Speaker 1 If you're a loser organization, like, I mean, the Cubs were forever, and it was, these things pop up.

Speaker 1 It's almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy. You guys banned cup snakes.

Speaker 1 the fucking the fucking redskins banned signs yeah you can't bring a sign into the stadium anymore because too many of them were making fun of dan snyder that's a good point and so he said it's a health issue just like with the cups you can't bring signs in the stadium yeah fuck dan snyder well i like him because yeah you love him really bad team out steven jones loves him but how do you needed their offense to get going how do you get rid of an owner how do you do it i think blackmail no you got to get like papa john in the mix somehow okay so So maybe get Papa John to be like, hey, bring him in and then try to take over the entire league.

Speaker 1 No, but you can't. There's no.

Speaker 1 Donald Sterling. I don't forget how they got him.
Oh, I got it. I got it.
Maybe we just go outside of Ral John and take pictures of people walking into work on Friday wearing jeans. That's not bad.

Speaker 1 Yeah, just start a rumor that Dan Snyder is bringing jeans Friday up to I-95.

Speaker 1 There are a couple ways. I gave it some thought.
I thought maybe the one person in the world that Dan Snyder respects is Joe Gibbs. Besides him, he just doesn't give a shit.

Speaker 1 And I think Joe Gibbs, if he assembled a team of investors without telling Dan Snyder, could get Dan Snyder drunk enough one night and then talk to him about the legacy of the Redskins and what a proud franchise they are and make Dan Snyder cry and agree to sell the team.

Speaker 1 I think that's the one hope. The other hope I had was to just do a deep fake of Dan Snyder saying bad stuff about saying

Speaker 1 there's nothing more embarrassing that you can do in a deep fake to Dan Snyder that he hasn't already done you guys have gone to the playoffs it's not bad playoffs yeah we've we've uh won one playoff game in the last 20 years better than the browns better than the browns better than the browns yeah um here's a little fun fact the 2012 redskins robert griffin

Speaker 1 right when i thought

Speaker 1 right when i thought

Speaker 1 this was pre-gretta uh this is the year that i thought that they were finally coming back, that there was going to be something that I could have to look forward to in my NFL fandom.

Speaker 1 Here's who was on that coaching staff besides Mike Shanahan. Sean McVay,

Speaker 1 Matt LaFleur, Kyle Shanahan, all three assistants, all three undefeated as head coaches right now. I mean, we sure single out offensive and green bands.

Speaker 1 No, well, you got two tremendous offensive coaches and one locked down defensive guru and Matt LaFleur.

Speaker 1 And Chris Forrester, too, the Dolphins head coach that was snorting lines. Oh, so that's probably.
So you had your pick of the litter of Jim's, and they all got away.

Speaker 1 They all got away because Dan Snyder is a cancer to the team. I don't know, dude, you got to get it.
To the entire city. We got a Gruden.
That's true. You know what?

Speaker 1 The Redskins were up for hard knocks last year. They were one of the finalist teams.
They're not going to get it next year because Gruden's going to be gone probably. I don't know.

Speaker 1 Snyder tends to not fire coaches midseason.

Speaker 1 He likes to watch them embarrass themselves publicly and like wriggle at the end of the line so he can blame them when it's all over um but they're not going to be able to get hard knocks next year because they'll have a new coach and i want nothing more than them to be exposed on a national level on hard knocks it would

Speaker 1 the red skins it would be it would be so hilarious because dan snyder would be doing all this shit thinking that he was looking really cool uh and would just come off looking extremely incompetent to everyone so

Speaker 1 Can we talk about the football game? I always say I'm triggered. Although I get uncomfortable when you get serious because you never get serious.
I'm triggered.

Speaker 1 And I usually don't get this mad about the R-words, but seeing that first half, and to their credit. I mean, you knew they were going to suck.

Speaker 1 They've won two games in their 2-16 in Monday Night Football history. I bet against them.
I knew they were going to lose. And I like some of the players.

Speaker 1 I feel bad for them that they have to deal with this year in and year out.

Speaker 1 But it was glaringly obvious and good for them for at least making a comeback in the second half. They'll probably beat the Giants next week.

Speaker 1 I mean, that probably will. 0%.

Speaker 1 0%.

Speaker 1 You're saying 0% chance that they beat the Giants. Yes, even when the Giants are awful, they lose by 30 in the middle line.

Speaker 1 They could beat the Giants next week. 0% chance? 0%.
0% chance. As a minister, can I condemn Dan Snyder to hell? Sure.
Is that in my powers? That won't do anything, but I'm sure he's going there.

Speaker 1 You're still going to hell. Yes.
Yeah, the Redskins are very bad. Case Keenum, I feel bad for Case Keenum.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a Caps year, though. Okay.
Yeah, I feel bad for him, too. Natitude.
But yeah, it's Natitude. That's right.
Yeah, you watched those three games like two weeks ago.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's even-your bullshit for the Caps. They win in

Speaker 1 2018, 2020. But yeah, Case Keenum, he's not as bad as he looked at times last night, except that thing where he dove over the line like it was the goal line to extend the ball.
He's a playmaker.

Speaker 1 That's just shit that happens. That would never happen to him in Minnesota.
Yeah, I mean, that's Case Keenum. Case Keenum is just

Speaker 1 reckless with the football. You put on a burgundy uniform and you just start shitting yourself.
He is reckless with the football. Mitch looks good.
Mitch is back,

Speaker 1 except for

Speaker 1 that interception, but we don't have to talk about that interception. He looks good otherwise.
And then everyone's getting upset because Matt Nagy yelled at him and might have said, shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 But whatever. Who cares? If you want quarterback head coach problems, just go north to Green Bay where they hate each other.
They don't hate each other. Yeah, they do.
Not yet.

Speaker 1 Well, I don't know where to go from here because you threw a curveball with getting super serious. So how do we get back on track? I was seeing Redskins.
I'm sorry. Okay, so we can get back on track.

Speaker 1 You're happy happy with Mitch. Yeah.
Mitch, would you take Patrick Mahomes for Mitch now? No, because Mitch was the fastest. They put up that graphic.

Speaker 1 They showed how many touchdowns Patrick Mahomes and Deshaun Watson have, like 70 each. Mitch has 30, but

Speaker 1 he's the first to 17 victories of that draft class. You know what that's the all-important 17 victory mark that everyone knows is the barometer to who is going to be a future Hall of Famer.

Speaker 1 That's true. Also, Troy Aikman had your back last night.
Yes. He was like, he had Patrick Mahomes has

Speaker 1 less than 0% of the Super Bowls I have. Yeah.
Because they said that he threw like 33% of the touchdowns that Troy Aikman threw.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So yes, Patrick Mahomes, Mitch Trubisky.
I would say with Mitch, he doesn't have the inflated stats like Mahomes, but that's because he knows how to he knows how to milk a clock. Right.

Speaker 1 He's a clock management guy. The clock can be your 12th man.
Patrick Mahomes, he throws touchdowns. Guess what happens after a touchdown? Other team gets the ball back.
Right away.

Speaker 1 Mitch, he'll lead you on a drive. No, Mitch looked good last night.
I'm still, the jury's still out on the Bears' offense, but the Bears' defense is unbelievable.

Speaker 1 And Khalil Mack is a problem for everyone. And I can't believe John Gruden, I still can't believe John Gruden let him walk away, traded him.

Speaker 1 That's a guy. We were talking about it with Jalen Ramsey.
We'll talk about him getting fake sick later. But when you have those type of guys, you just never let them leave, no matter what.
Agreed.

Speaker 1 Also, shame, shame on the Monday Night Football crew.

Speaker 1 Going into this game, you had to expect that there there might be a blowout, and we got zero shots of Rob Ryan or Jim Tomsulo on the side of the board. I saw him in pregame.

Speaker 1 He was walking around in pregame, so he looked good. I wanted to see Rob Ryan, like, spitting onto the field in disgust.
Yeah, so you brought up Jay Gruden. I wanted to throw this out there.

Speaker 1 We are now three weeks into the season, and I feel like three, I think, actually, once October hits, that's officially time where we can start talking about the first coach fires, right?

Speaker 1 So we don't talk about another man. I have the list.
You can tell me which one you think. Here's the list.
So, I took out all first-year coaches.

Speaker 1 Brian Flores. They're not going to get fired mid-season.
They might get fired after first-year coaches, and also Mike Vrabel because he's our guy. Good, which is fair.
Yeah, Ron Rivera.

Speaker 1 Ron Rivera,

Speaker 1 I think so. Yeah.
Gundy, the Gundy factor.

Speaker 1 He's lurking there. Yep.

Speaker 1 Doug Marone. No.
Okay, also our guy. Coughlin loves him.
Mike Tomlin.

Speaker 1 No. Do you think...
No, no. You know what it would take for the Steelers to fire a coach after, what has it been like, 10 years, 12 years for Mike Tomlin? Yeah, you would have to get...

Speaker 1 What's the old political saying? You have to be caught in bed with a dead girl or an alive boy.

Speaker 1 That's a good political saying.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the Steelers have like four, I think they have three coaches in 100 years. So they probably won't fire him, but I think you got to throw it out there.

Speaker 1 If they don't win a game, Mason Rudolph has a dumb face.

Speaker 1 I've done my analysis of him. He's never going to be a winning quarterback.
That's true, but having a backup quarterback in there, that can be a nice little saver.

Speaker 1 Plus, if Big Ben comes out and vouches for his head coach at some point,

Speaker 1 they'll do anything he says. Jake Gruden.
Yeah, he's gone. He's gone.
Maybe mid-season? Who knows? I don't know.

Speaker 1 I don't think there are too many play callers hanging out in bingo halls like there were back in 2011 for a Snyder to pick up.

Speaker 1 Dan Quinn.

Speaker 1 They've done Chase. He's done.
Yeah, Dan Quinn's done. Done this year in the middle of season?

Speaker 1 Not mid-season. Okay.
Are we talking mid-season? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. One of these guys is going to get fired in the middle of the season.
That's how it always works.

Speaker 1 There's at least one guy who gets fired before the end of the season. Not Dan Quinn.
Okay. No.
So of those.

Speaker 1 You guys are in the Catbird seat. Of that list.
That division is going to be winnable. So of that list.
Jay Gruden. Jay Gruden is by far the most likely.
Yes, yes. All right.

Speaker 1 So the other thing we have for Monday Night Football,

Speaker 1 we have our good friend, recurring guest, Kyle Long, who's going to call in and tell us about the huge game that he played and the huge game that the Bears had and nothing else.

Speaker 1 So why don't we call Kyle?

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on our very good friend, recurring guest many times over. It is three-time Pro Bowler Kyle Long from Chicago Bears.
And we're calling Kyle because he's coming off a huge,

Speaker 1 enormous Monday night football win. And we wanted to talk to him about that huge big win and let's just start there how was the game for you

Speaker 1 yeah it was like a redemption game what's up guys it was like a redemption game because the last time we were there cuddler got hurt

Speaker 1 we lost I think it was a shootout I think McCown played a bit

Speaker 1 I think we lost by like four points but it was huge man Monday night so dad's not working so he gets to come to the game get to see the parents after the game, which is always awesome.

Speaker 1 And how about that defense, man? Defense was very, very strong.

Speaker 1 The D came out there, and they set the tone early and often.

Speaker 1 I noticed D was out in numbers. Yeah,

Speaker 1 D was out. They got exposed a little bit.

Speaker 1 From your end,

Speaker 1 it seemed like you were playing a little bit of bully ball. You were running the ball a lot.
What kind of like jumbo packages did they have you guys out there doing last night?

Speaker 1 You know, you'd think with

Speaker 1 my large stature, that'd be more like jumbo packages, but man, we just were trying to, we were just trying to squeak out yards where we could. And obviously, big explosive plays.

Speaker 1 Credit to Mitch staying in the pocket and delivering. Taylor Gabriel had a huge catch, and that was an absolute dime.

Speaker 1 I mean, just throughout the game, you could feel that the defense was going to give us opportunities, and we need to make the most of them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and PFT mentioned, I mean, for people who aren't football fans or maybe don't follow the Bears, Kyle is a huge guy. He's 6'6.
He's enormous. And he's just a mammoth of a guy.

Speaker 1 And he's just plowing people over left and right so the only thing I noticed was the weather seemed a little iffy they said there was gonna be rain or something

Speaker 1 was there any rain

Speaker 1 here's the deal it was beautiful when we left Chicago

Speaker 1 on Sunday it was gorgeous I think it was like 75 man you know a top-down kind of day if you're a top-down kind of guy and

Speaker 1 We showed up to DC and it was hot. And I looked at the weather for the next day.
It said 88 degrees, man. So, you know, I had everything all set.

Speaker 1 You know, I was hydrated. And then the game happened, you're just drenched in sweat.
And I heard about a cold trunk coming in.

Speaker 1 And I guess I just wasn't prepared for it, man, because, man, it hit me hard right at the end of the game, man. As soon as I hit that locker room, that cold prune.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, at least in DC, unlike at the University of Texas, they have air conditioning working in their locker room. So that's one good thing you can say about FedEx Field.

Speaker 1 Club Dub seems, it seems like just a cool place to hang out. Just

Speaker 1 let the boys.

Speaker 1 Yeah, just hanging. Just catching a chill hang with the boys after the game in the locker.
Guys being dudes. Yep.
Just doing their thing.

Speaker 1 You know, just

Speaker 1 being, being, you know, just being dudes. Yeah.
Yeah. Was that fun? You guys have a little party last night? Like, everyone was dancing around, having a good time?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know.

Speaker 1 The plane rides home are always the best, especially after late-night games, because guys are just delirious, man. It's like 2.30 in the morning, and you're on an airplane.

Speaker 1 but after a win everybody's on the ipad looking at the film making fun of each other looking at big plays um

Speaker 1 but yeah i mostly you know i mostly just tried to put a blanket over my head and just try to get some sleep on the way home last night yeah i'd imagine the plane rides are nice too because uh you know the wi-fi is never good on plane rides so you kind of just can enjoy it with your team and the outside world doesn't come in and you don't you know see any like clips or anything from after the game or during the game and it's just like like almost like an ignorance is bliss for those two hours.

Speaker 1 Yeah, out of sight, out of mind. Right.
Nice.

Speaker 1 And then the plane lands

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 you get home. It's 4.30 in the morning.
You don't know if you're dreaming or not. But

Speaker 1 you notice you're trending. And it's not often

Speaker 1 that offensive linemen are trending for a good thing.

Speaker 1 But you were for the big win. For the huge win.
You were rotating after the win. Yeah.
Yeah. You hit that landing strip strip and you saw that you were trending.
Boom.

Speaker 1 It was really amazing to get a win there.

Speaker 1 It was big. And credit the Bears fans are coming out.
Yeah, it was huge.

Speaker 1 It was definitely huge.

Speaker 1 Well, first of all, I just want to say, like, a lot of people are jumping to certain conclusions about the Bears play, about the Skins play.

Speaker 1 You need to wait until the All 22 comes out before you can really evaluate what you saw on film. A lot of times there are different angles, and that makes a big difference.
It's deceiving.

Speaker 1 So, until you really get a full perspective, it's kind of like what I think what PFT is saying, and Kyle, you know this because you.

Speaker 1 A play may look good on the sideline, but you throw that end zone on, and then, you know,

Speaker 1 you've got to go back to the drawing board. And you know this because you, I know you like to spend some time in Montana.
God's country is what they call it.

Speaker 1 A lot of people, when they go to Montana, they fish, and you know, depending on how far away the fish is from the camera, it could look like a huge fish, a small fish, but it's probably a perfectly fine, average-sized fish.

Speaker 1 It's just the angles are all different.

Speaker 1 You know what they say? A fish is a fish, man. It's like,

Speaker 1 how many different, you know, there's not that many different guys. Right.

Speaker 1 You see one, you see them all. Right.
And you can't be evaluated just on like what you appear to be as you come into the league. It's about growing.
Right. It's about growth in the NFL.

Speaker 1 How can you get from point A to point B and improve yourself? It's not about what you show.

Speaker 1 It's how you grow. It's right.
Absolutely. That's the most important part.
We don't want to see flashes. Right.
We want to know that it's there.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, Kyle, thank Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 I got one last question. I was actually breaking down last week's film, and I've been trying to ask somebody

Speaker 1 who has experience playing on the offensive line. It seems to me like there are two guys that are really standing out on defense, and I'm wondering which one is tougher to deal with.

Speaker 1 Would you say it's Bradley Chubb or Fletcher Cox?

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 both are tough. tough guys, tough matchups, but I'd say with Chubb being so far outside

Speaker 1 and Cox being right there in the middle,

Speaker 1 you got to deal with Fletcher more.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Well, Kyle, we appreciate it.
Best of luck on Sunday against the Vikings. Bears are back.
I've declared it.

Speaker 1 I think you guys are feeling good after that win, and hopefully, we'll see you sometime this season, man.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we'll see you guys in Club Dub sometime soon. Yeah, we'll let it all hang out.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.
I mean, you want me.

Speaker 1 You want me in club dub because

Speaker 1 if you put me up against, everyone's going to look great.

Speaker 1 you guys have a you guys have a great week

Speaker 1 okay that was our good friend Kyle yep huge game it was actually it was fun to talk to Kyle yes because now I'm happy for the Bears I'm out of my funk about the R-words are you yeah I think so I think yeah officially I can go back to not caring I can go back to not caring yeah you sure all right well let's do it with hot seat cool throne why don't you start pfd to show us how much you don't care do hot seat cool throne all right my hot seat is humanity Ooh.

Speaker 1 Humanity officially on the hot seat because Boston Dynamics just released a video of another robot.

Speaker 1 This one's doing like Parkour is doing 360 degree spins, jumps, landings.

Speaker 1 It just, they're essentially creating super soldiers or a next line of wide receivers for the Patriots. Have they put out that, like, remember that clip of

Speaker 1 the robot dog slipping on a banana? No, that's the one defense that we still have. That's the banana peel.
It's 1950s slapstick comedy. One thing

Speaker 1 the robots will never look for is walking through a doorway and having a bucket of waterfall on their heads. Yes.

Speaker 1 They're fucked. They're absolutely fucked.
They're fucked. Seltzer, a pie in the face.
These are the ways to protect humans at all costs. Yes.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I'm a little bit woke on these robot videos because every time one comes out, I feel like

Speaker 1 they wouldn't intentionally let us see how menacing these robots are unless they're working on something. way scarier in the background.
Right. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 They're not showing us the good shit. Right.
They're showing us something to distract us.

Speaker 1 This is our longtime theory on this show that Elon Musk is actually Jeff Bezos Bezos. It's his front.
So Elon Musk is like, we're going to go to Mars.

Speaker 1 I'm going to build a fucking submarine to find these little boys in Thailand. All this bullshit.

Speaker 1 So everyone talks about him, and then Jeff Bezos is in the background doing the real shit, doing the drones, doing all that. Jeff Bezos has been to Mars.
He literally, he vacations on Mars.

Speaker 1 He's been there and back while Elon Musk putts around and he thinks he's he's a genius, but really he's a fucking fraud and an idiot. Oh, you launched a Buick into outer space?

Speaker 1 Well, I have a detailed map of everybody's basement in America. Yeah, oh, Elon Musk built a tunnel.

Speaker 1 Wow. He learned how to build a subway system.
Holy shit, this guy must be next level.

Speaker 1 And then, yeah, and then the Hyperloop or whatever, which was essentially just a highway underground, which is, again,

Speaker 1 a subway or a tunnel. There's a tunnel to his girlfriend's house.
Right.

Speaker 1 Right. And then, and then Jeff Bezos, yeah, he has

Speaker 1 every single person's face mapped out and ready to go and put on a robot's body and then have us kill ourselves. Yep.
That's pretty dark. That's what's going to happen.
That's pretty dark.

Speaker 1 That's some Gardner Minshew shit. Yeah, you see your robot and then he kills you.
I feel like there are two reasons to doubt Jeff Bezos, though. Number one, he's bald, right?

Speaker 1 If he had all the technology in the world, you would think step one would be growing some hair on that. Okay, counterpoint.
Bald guys are angrier. It's like bald and short.

Speaker 1 They're just angrier at the world because of the, like, the world, the world has not given them

Speaker 1 anything. Yeah, like...
Oh, but that's because I'm average. Right, right.
Good point. So bald and short guys are just angry all the time.
So I think he keeps himself bald to keep that fire within.

Speaker 1 Because if he had his hair, he'd be like, everything's perfect. Why would I build a bunch of robot drones that could kill the world? That's a good point.
He's like a reverse Samson from the Bible.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he wants to keep that fire in his belly where he destroys all of us. Jesus had long hair and he loved everyone.
Right. Okay, yeah, this checks out for sure.
Okay.

Speaker 1 My other hot seat is marching bands in Iowa. Oh, I saw this.
Iowa and Iowa State are considering not playing their annual football game. What do they call it? The

Speaker 1 Scihawk trophy. They're considering not playing the game next year because the marching bands got into a fight

Speaker 1 when they were trying to exit the stadium last week. And that's some real shit.
That's like Iowa West Side story. This league.
Yeah, big time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I feel bad for him.

Speaker 1 That's like your Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 If you grow up playing the flute in Iowa, that's as good as it gets. Yes.
And they're taking that away from a lot of people just because there were some like assaults. There's some mean spans.

Speaker 1 Oh, there's assaults. Assaults, yeah.
There were a lot of assaults. I thought they were just mean words.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 So they're fighting with the instruments.

Speaker 1 Well, the marching band

Speaker 1 tried to walk through a crowd of people

Speaker 1 like it was the end of the Stanford Cal game. But the people started shoving them.
It seems like just a big fight. Okay, so here's what you do.

Speaker 1 If you're the Sci-Hawk Commissioner, which I think is just the mayor of Iowa, the governor of Iowa, whatever Iowa president.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think it's just Trent. It's somebody who just, yeah, it's a former tight end who now owns a shitload of corn.
Right.

Speaker 1 So if you are that guy, next year we have the two bands LARP instead of playing their instruments. I like that.
LARP at the middle of

Speaker 1 the field in halftime.

Speaker 1 Honor system. So if you get hit by one of those foam swords and you die, you die.
Winner Winner gets to,

Speaker 1 I don't know, they get to do the, they get the Beatles

Speaker 1 rendition, the Beatles mix at halftime, and the other guy has to do the Rolling Stones. I think that's fine.
I think everybody's happy. You get your anger out of that.
The medley.

Speaker 1 My cool throne is fraud websites. Because Comscore,

Speaker 1 the website that was in charge of judging everybody's traffic ranking, has actually been found out to they themselves be a fraud.

Speaker 1 That's so the SEC. That's very deep.
That's deep web shit. I like that.

Speaker 1 The SEC is fining them, charging them with multiple counts of fraud because they were artificially inflating the traffic count and various metrics on their own website.

Speaker 1 Who was doing the comm score of the comm score?

Speaker 1 That's another excellent question. Damn.
Okay. I have no idea who's in charge of any of this stuff.
Or how's the comm score now? Or how it's measured. Yeah, what happens to the score?

Speaker 5 Can we just say whatever we want? No one's going to call us out.

Speaker 1 Basically, you can. If you make a cool enough listicle, people will believe it.
No, if you just make a chart month over month with a line graph, just call them impressions. Yeah.
Impressions.

Speaker 1 That's good. The line graph.
Frank Caliendo, number one website. The fastest way to make yourself look awesome is just a line graph.
Yeah. Here are the top three.

Speaker 1 Number one, I'm just going to put this out there. Google.
Number two, draftjoshallen.com. Number three, pornhub.

Speaker 1 That sounds right. Checks out.
All right, Hank, what do you got? Do you want to go? All right, I'll go. All right, my hot seat is

Speaker 1 anyone who tweets about the NFL season being like 10% over. Have you seen these people?

Speaker 1 I want to fight them. I want to fight them, and it's going to increase now that NBA is coming back.

Speaker 1 Is hockey back right now?

Speaker 1 Like, is there a real game tonight? Preseason. Okay, so

Speaker 1 I knew there was preseason. It feels like it just happened too quickly.
So I saw a couple people be like, hey, crazy fact, now that week three is over, like 16% of the season has been played.

Speaker 1 I can't say that.

Speaker 1 I want to kill those people i don't mean it i want to kill them yeah i agree but you can't get i can't tweet i want to kill them i can say it your feelings are never wrong right so you can feel like you'd like to murder anybody right okay there we go that's perfect that's perfect um and then my cool throne is us because adam sandler's back in the movie making business and he's doing a serious role which lends you to believe he will do a serious role in Bonadogs.

Speaker 1 So they have this, what is it called? Precious?

Speaker 1 Precious gems.

Speaker 1 Uncut gems. Uncut gemstones.

Speaker 5 Precious gemstone is the Danny McProduction.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Righteous Gemstone. Yeah, Righteous Gemstone.
So he, Adam Sandler, as a serious character, is always so funny. And then they have Mike Francesa and Kevin Garnett in it.

Speaker 1 And it's a gambling movie. And it's a gambling movie, which I didn't really understand.
Was he betting?

Speaker 1 I think I understood.

Speaker 5 He's a jewel dealer, so he's getting all this money from these high-profile clients, taking that money, and then gambling.

Speaker 1 But is he getting like...

Speaker 5 That's my understanding of the trailer.

Speaker 1 Is like Kevin Garnett coming in and he's like, ooh, Kevin Garnett was buying jewels instead of sleeping, so bet the under on all his props?

Speaker 5 I think it's more like he's like taking Kevin Garnett's money that he Kevin Garnett is giving him to get jewels and then betting it and then losing it.

Speaker 5 And then Kevin Garnett is like, yo, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 I like that.

Speaker 1 I like that.

Speaker 5 That could be totally wrong, but that's my interpretation.

Speaker 1 I guess we'd have to watch the movie, but whatever. Who plays Kevin Garnett? Is it Rob Schneider? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Kevin James. Kevin James plays.
Kevin James plays Kevin Garnett. Jimmy Kimmel plays him in one of those hilarious sketches that he used to do.
Shit, people forget. Not canceled.
Nope.

Speaker 1 Jimmy Fallon, too, by the way. Really? Yeah.
Not canceled. Jimmy Fallon's done it.
It seems like a whole lot of things. This is as good a time as any to remind our listeners that

Speaker 1 no matter what circumstance you're in, Halloween's coming up, do not darken the color of your face for whatever reason for your Halloween costume. PSA.
Be us. Be us.
PSA. Be us.

Speaker 1 And if you be us and your females, we're going to look at it and be like,

Speaker 1 I like it. I don't know what to feel.
I know. I'm on the record.

Speaker 1 I feel good when. Oh, how good? Yeah, real good.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Nothing gets me going like a female version of myself. Yes.

Speaker 5 My hot seat is Nick Starkle. Oh.

Speaker 5 He is the quarterback of Arkansas, and before the season, he was like using Justin Bieber, saying how much he loves Justin Bieber, it pumps him up, would wear a Justin Bieber shirt pregame.

Speaker 5 And obviously, some people didn't like that. Then they went two and two.
They lost to San Jose last week through three touchdowns, five interceptions, did terrible.

Speaker 5 Then he, as a tweet, he tweeted out, like, don't worry, everyone, I ripped up the Bieber shirt. Like, the bad juju is gone.
Okay. Good.

Speaker 5 Then Bieber saw that, put it on his Instagram story, was like, yo, this is messed up. So now he's got Bieber and the Believers after him.
And he's 2-2 at Arkansas. So he's on the hot seat already.

Speaker 5 So he can't get a win.

Speaker 1 Who do they play?

Speaker 5 I don't know. But

Speaker 5 he's in a must-win situation.

Speaker 1 And they're not going to win because they stink. Oh, shit.
They have Texas A ⁇ M. They're going to get smoked.
I don't know.

Speaker 5 He said he was disappointed with

Speaker 1 I like the rivalry between Justin Bieber and the state of Arkansas. Arkansas.

Speaker 5 No, but it's not. It's just their quarterback.

Speaker 5 It's more like

Speaker 5 the

Speaker 5 two jack guys coming together like Justin Bieber, state of Arkansas, like hating Nick Starkle.

Speaker 1 I don't want to tell Nick Starkle what to do here, but I'm going to say

Speaker 1 to rip up the Justin Bieber shirt and say the bad Juju is gone. Maybe do that before Western Kentucky in November.

Speaker 1 Maybe don't do that before you have to play Texas AM, Kentucky on the Road, Auburn, and Alabama. Feels like the bad judge is going to stay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but is Justin Bieber really a guy that can curse your team? What's his history? It's not Bieber.

Speaker 5 It's not Bieber. It's the Believers.
He's got like 100 million Instagram followers that are crazy. And so if it's like Bieber's like, he weaponized it, it's like...

Speaker 1 Us against the world.

Speaker 5 This guy's canceled, then the Believers are going to just.

Speaker 1 By the way, I saw Justin Bieber did the whole like, I'm 25 now and I really regret how much Coke I did and was like really mean to everyone that was the most you could have guaranteed that like that that hey remember when I was a shithead to everyone and did way too many drugs he he's right on time his I feel like his career is perfectly like every VH1 behind the music that's ever been made right he's having his his uh midlife crisis right on schedule for a celebrity at 25 the genesis halftime show of a celebrity's life is their 25 year old uh i regret doing all that coke and violence how do they not have blink one a two play some hits?

Speaker 1 Because they're promoting the new album. Fuck.
But seriously,

Speaker 1 just like for the Genesis halftime show, if you have Blink 182, have them come up there and be like, hey, we got a new album, but here's the hits. We're going to play What's My Age Again?

Speaker 1 Hey, if we promise to play the hits, will you buy the new album?

Speaker 1 And on other Redskins, we're going to open up with Pathetic. There we go.

Speaker 1 Not mad anymore. But they did play,

Speaker 1 what was it? I Wish I Hated You? Yeah. Which is, yeah, again.
You're not mad. Not mad.
Okay. But accurate.
Hank, you got a cool thrower?

Speaker 5 My cool thrower is Lamello Ball.

Speaker 5 I don't know if you guys have seen any of his highlights from the NBL, but he's been tearing it up. And an ESPN reporter came out today and said he is a legitimate number one pick contender now.

Speaker 1 Which ESPN reporter? Lonzo Ball. I mean, Lonzo.

Speaker 5 I don't know who the fuck that is.

Speaker 1 ESPN contributor LeVar Ball on First Take said that

Speaker 1 Stephen A. Smith.
And he wears great shoes.

Speaker 5 You guys got to watch some of his highlights, though. It's like absolutely absurd.
He throws up floaters from like the three-point line.

Speaker 1 He just looks.

Speaker 5 but it's one of those things where it's like, it looked like it was crazy in high school, kind of like Zion was, where it's like, oh, well, he's playing against Scrubs.

Speaker 5 Like, he's not really that good. But he's doing this in the NBL, which, as we know, as owners, is a very legitimate sports league, and he's lighting it up.

Speaker 1 I actually think that it's

Speaker 1 a testament to the league that you go down there and you improve so much. That's what the league does to you.
For whatever reason, the ball rotates the opposite way in the southern hemisphere.

Speaker 1 Okay, I throw him up 30-foot floaters. I can't absolutely absurd.

Speaker 1 He can hit shots from anywhere. I'll walk back because I forgot he was in the NBL.

Speaker 1 Because every Lamello ball highlight I've ever seen, it feels like he's playing in an AAU game where everyone's not even trying, like walking around.

Speaker 1 Like every highlight is him going across half court, people are just hanging out, and then he just jacks up a shot. Wait, wait, but has the NBL season started? We should probably know this.

Speaker 1 Yes, he's a radio.

Speaker 5 R.J.

Speaker 1 Hampton is also playing well.

Speaker 1 We're three and one.

Speaker 1 Are we? The Breakers. We're three and one.
Breakers year. I think we're three and one.
You update me. I'm going to do an ad real quick before we get to Jerry Springer and tell me what our record is.

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Okay, here he is, Jerry Springer.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. He's a legend in the game.
He has a new show called Judge Jerry. It is Jerry Springer.
I just want to chant Jerry when you're here.

Speaker 1 You get that a lot, I'm sure.

Speaker 6 I get that a lot.

Speaker 6 I mean, yeah, every day you get it.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 every single day of your life. Yeah.

Speaker 6 Yeah, it really is. I mean, my wife of 46 years now says, you know, at your age, they should start chanting your address so you know how to get home.

Speaker 1 Ooh, okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah. How much, we're going to talk about Judge Jerry, your career, and everything, but I always have been curious about this.
How much of your success do you attribute to the Jerry chant?

Speaker 1 Like, if your name was

Speaker 1 Michael or

Speaker 6 something longer, my full name is Gerald, you know, right?

Speaker 1 Jerry Schultz. Gerald wouldn't work.
If we were like, Gerald, Gerald,

Speaker 6 it wouldn't work. I know.

Speaker 1 But Jerry, when you chant Jerry, that did it.

Speaker 1 You can feel it in your bones. So, did you know like the first Jerry chant? Can you remember it?

Speaker 6 No. Actually, it probably started

Speaker 6 because a couple of years after I started my show, Ricky Lake came along. Yep.
And I think the kids started chanting, you know, Go Ricky, Go Ricky.

Speaker 6 I think that's the first show I ever remember people chanting.

Speaker 6 And then it started Jerry. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Arsinio had the hoo-hoo-hoo for that one. Yeah.
But that wasn't a name, yeah. The Jerry, it just, it always works.

Speaker 6 Yeah, it brings tears to my eyes.

Speaker 6 I'll tell you one place where it didn't work.

Speaker 6 I was at a

Speaker 6 football group. I guess it was the Bengals.
And in halftime, you know, you go to the men's room. And in the men's room at the stadium there, you know, you have 500, 700 guys in

Speaker 6 those huge men's room at the same time.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Concave.

Speaker 6 And then they,

Speaker 6 so it was

Speaker 6 my turn to step up to the urinal there. And there's 500 guys behind me suddenly spot me and go, JVA.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 6 at my age, I have enough pressure. I don't need 500 guys behind me chanting my name when I'm trying to take a whiz.
Yes.

Speaker 1 I'll be right with you.

Speaker 6 No, I turned around and sprayed him. Okay, now there you go.

Speaker 1 Just hose him down. Did you call me? Yeah, yeah.
Perfect. Yeah, no, I mean, I used to watch a show growing up a little bit.

Speaker 1 I was a big fan, actually, of Steve Wilkos. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then they had the Wilkos show. That was like a spring.
Well, we produce it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so you guys produce it.

Speaker 6 Just like Oprah begat Dr. Phil, I begat.

Speaker 1 You begat Wilkos.

Speaker 6 It was a painful birth.

Speaker 1 Was it? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 6 I mean, he's got wide shoulders.

Speaker 1 Yeah, absolutely. Oh, man.
Yeah. So I remember when he got his own show, I was like, can Wilkos really pull this off? Is he a personality? Is he just really good at keeping the piece on stage?

Speaker 1 But I think a lot of it that really made him pop from the start was, you know, he had the bald head, so he was the most recognizable of all the security guys.

Speaker 1 But at what point were you like, hey, this could be, we could franchise you out here, Steve?

Speaker 6 Oh, I mean, right away, we thought, I mean, that's why we gave him a show. Because, you know,

Speaker 6 particularly the young women, they would write in and, you know, they were attracted to him.

Speaker 6 So we just thought, let's give him a show. And

Speaker 6 so we produced that show. And so that's part of the.

Speaker 1 Were you ever afraid on stage? Or did you know that your guys had your back?

Speaker 6 If you think about it, first of all, it's television. Secondly, the people that come on the show, if they had something against me, they wouldn't come on the show anyway.

Speaker 6 The only people that are going to come on are fans of the show. Right.
And so, therefore, they're never angry at me.

Speaker 6 They may be ripping each other's wigs off, but when the show's over, you know, they're standing around, hey, Jerry, can we have a picture? What's a good restaurant to go to in the neighborhood?

Speaker 6 I mean, it's just like the most normal, nice people in the world.

Speaker 1 Even the guy who

Speaker 1 fucked a horse? Was he like a married? He married his horse. He married a horse.

Speaker 6 It was very intimate.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 But we did have stables around here that can go. Was he like, hey, Jerry, I'm looking for for a cheeseburger.

Speaker 6 Well, we did a follow-up show because the horse left him. Oh, that's nice.
Yeah, she left him, yeah. Well, she's dead.
Yeah, she said he was hung like a man.

Speaker 6 She couldn't take it.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I'm always curious this, too, because now in 2019, it feels like everyone wants to go viral. Everyone has a thirst for those 15 seconds of fame.
So you get a lot of people faking things.

Speaker 1 Back in the 90s, when you were doing the show in early aughts, there was maybe a little or less of that. But were there people who faked stories to come on and could you sniff them out?

Speaker 6 They occasionally would try to do that. I'm sure somebody got through, but usually we catch them.

Speaker 6 First of all, the producers have been doing this for years. You know, they know how to do this.
The lawyers are all over it. You know, you get sued if you made up the story.
Right.

Speaker 6 And you sign the documents in front of a camera. And so that scares people away.
So there are people that come to be on the show.

Speaker 6 And then when they sit down in the room with the lawyers, they get cold feet and then they say well no it's we won't be on the show right right so no it's what you see on the air the facts are real now their reaction that they embellish their emotions with a crowd cheering of course but what they say happened really happened yes we did a a brief appearance on the maury povet show this is like a year and a half ago we went on there with hank hank was uh entering a boxing match against somebody else that worked here and we were helping to promote the fight.

Speaker 1 We were promoting Hank. He won.

Speaker 5 By the way, he's undefeated.

Speaker 1 He's retired now, though. Yeah.
He could get talked back, but he's retired for right now. One fight? One fight? One undone.
One undefeated champ. So we just call him champ when he walks around now.

Speaker 1 But one of the most fascinating things to me going through that experience was the producers backstage and the logistics of them walking us from room to room to make sure that we didn't run into the people that we were there to go head to head with.

Speaker 1 So they keep you all separately. Was there ever any times backstage where two people saw each other before the show that maybe weren't supposed to cross paths until they were on camera?

Speaker 6 It could be. It probably.

Speaker 6 But see, I'm never allowed to know what the show is about. I'm not talking about Judge's show.
I'm talking now about the old Jerry Spring show.

Speaker 6 And I was never allowed to know what the show was about.

Speaker 6 When you see me walking out there with a card, all the card has on it are the names of the guests because I haven't met them.

Speaker 6 And then my job is to ask questions that you would ask sitting at home watching and then make jokes. But I'm never allowed to know ahead of time what the subject is.

Speaker 6 That way, my reaction will be authentic rather than me faking being surprised. Right.
So I never know. So I don't know anything that goes on before the show starts, who's talking to whom.

Speaker 6 I'm just totally separate from that. They just come in, put on makeup, and out I go.
But I never have any idea of the show.

Speaker 1 So off that, what was the most shocking story that once you started asking questions, you're like, this is what we're doing today? Well,

Speaker 6 the one, obviously, with the guy who married his horse. Yeah.
Because obviously I didn't know that was the story. So I start out with the first guest, which is the guy.
And let's say his name was Bob.

Speaker 6 I don't remember what it was, but let's say it was Bob. Bob's a 40-something-year-old man, and he's sitting up there on stage.
And my first question, every segment, always is, so what's going on?

Speaker 6 So I said, hey, Bob, what's going on? He says, well, I'm having trouble with the neighbors.

Speaker 6 What's the trouble?

Speaker 6 Well, they don't don't like my wife why don't they like your wife well I don't know she keeps to herself she doesn't start any argument she's quiet I have no idea well I can see this show is going nowhere this is boring so I look at the next guest the Pixel okay well let's meet her here's Pixel out comes this horse now my reaction is the same as any human beings would be oh my god

Speaker 1 The wife, Pixel, fell off the horse backstage. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 6 Yeah, so I'm assuming she found, I stopped the cameras. Is she okay? And the executive producer is yelling at me, no, no, that's his wife.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 And that's how it goes. Yeah.
So that, yeah, that one would, I would guess shocking. That's shocking.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that must be tough to come up with little jokes and quips when you're just like totally shocked into a state of

Speaker 1 frozen.

Speaker 6 Actually, it's kind of natural because you would be the same way.

Speaker 1 What's the bridal shower like? That's where I would have gone.

Speaker 6 Yeah, you would have gone.

Speaker 1 so off of that, like you, you're doing the show. Are there specific stories that you loved more than others, like story lines?

Speaker 1 I always personally loved when, like, someone fucked someone's, like, you know, brother or sister or whatever. Like, oh, yeah, like my sister's boyfriend, I had sex with her.

Speaker 1 I loved those because I always lonely man. Well, no, well, you're you gotta understand.
He was ahead of his time. No, you gotta understand something.

Speaker 1 No, you gotta understand something. We're both 34 years old.
Yes. So we watched the show in the 90s when we were young kids, and I watched hoping that I would get to see a blurred-out tit.
Yes.

Speaker 1 So when it's like, oh, my sister fucked my boyfriend, I'm like, this is probably going to end up in a blurred-out tit. Yeah.
So did that happen often?

Speaker 6 There's a lot of blurring. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And do you ever have people come up my age being like, hey, Jerry, I watched your show because I wanted to see some tits.

Speaker 6 If you're at the studio, of course, nothing is blurred out.

Speaker 1 Oh, so you've seen a lot of tits.

Speaker 6 Well, you've seen one.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you've seen them. You've seen them all.

Speaker 1 I want to get to the Judge Jerry thing real quick because it seems like an interesting turn for you. Kind of like,

Speaker 1 I saw the preview for it, and it seems like you're doing a Judge Judy type thing, but with a little bit of,

Speaker 1 I want to say, like, you teach a lesson at the end, or you use more compassion than she does. Is that fair?

Speaker 6 Probably. Our styles are different.
I mean, I know her, and she's a lovely lady, but she's a disciplinarian

Speaker 6 as a judge.

Speaker 6 And I'm more of, you know, a father talking to his kid or his grandson. You know, in other words, you can be firm,

Speaker 6 but there's no meanness. You explain to them why you're reaching the decision you're reaching.

Speaker 6 And so when they walk out of there, even if they've lost the case, they kind of understand it and they're not thinking that they didn't even get heard.

Speaker 6 And just that's the way I am in life.

Speaker 6 I don't yell at people or, you know, so that's how I treat the people in front of me.

Speaker 6 Plus, I probably have a unique experience, and I just thought of this yesterday when I was doing some interviews, that most judges never have.

Speaker 6 I have, for 50 years, every job I've had, has been dealing with regular people, not celebrities, regular people involved in all kinds of things that are going on in their life.

Speaker 6 Just on the show, I've had 50,000 guests

Speaker 6 and then 10 years as a city councilman, as a mayor, you're dealing with regular people. As 10 years as a reporter and an anchor, you're dealing with regular people.
So

Speaker 6 I know their lives. So when I'm sitting as a judge and there's a case before me, it's not just, oh, here's the ordinance, here's the statute.
It's I know what lives these people are living.

Speaker 6 So there's a human being in front of me, and that gives a whole new dimension to the kind of decisions I make.

Speaker 6 I know the baggage that they're bringing to the case, not just they did this, and here's the ordinance.

Speaker 6 It's not a formula, it's more an understanding of their life, and I think that probably winds up inevitably having more compassion.

Speaker 1 You should team up with the NFL, and you should just become their disciplinarian, like the person that decides the punishments, because I think that that is probably, you probably would do a better job than Roger Goodell, who just like spins a wheel.

Speaker 1 He's like, okay, four-game suspension for you.

Speaker 1 Where'd you go to law school?

Speaker 6 Northwestern University. Okay.

Speaker 1 Chicago. Nice.
So

Speaker 1 are they? No, the journalism school got discredited.

Speaker 1 They did? Yeah, yeah. They lost their accreditation.
Yeah, they lost. We call it discredited, but they lost their accreditation.
Oh, I know. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 6 No, I went to the law school.

Speaker 1 Okay, so, and have you, you were you practicing as a lawyer

Speaker 1 for a while? Ten years. And now you're back in like the lawyer.

Speaker 6 Well, that's why they gave me the show. They came in and they said, you know, you're a lawyer and

Speaker 6 you've been daytime television forever. And so that's the audience.

Speaker 6 Why don't you do a judge show? It's perfect.

Speaker 1 It's perfect. So I wanted to actually talk a little bit about your career.
You, like you said, a mayor.

Speaker 1 You were in, was it a congressperson for Ohio, right?

Speaker 6 Yeah,

Speaker 6 I ran for Congress in 1970

Speaker 6 as an anti-war candidate. Okay.
And I was 25 and I had just come from New York, York,

Speaker 6 but I won the primary, and all of a sudden that's how I became known as this New York kid.

Speaker 1 So, and then as mayor, what were you were mayor for how long?

Speaker 6 Two terms. Two terms.

Speaker 1 And did you enjoy it? Did you like being a mayor?

Speaker 6 Like, that seems like the best job I ever had.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah. Even including the years on television.
Wow.

Speaker 6 Well, because that's

Speaker 1 fulfilling. Well, I would actually imagine that talking to a guy who's married to a horse is fulfilling in its own right.

Speaker 6 Yeah, but

Speaker 6 around the time of the Kentucky Derby.

Speaker 1 Yes, that's when it really pops. That's when it really pops.

Speaker 6 Yeah, that's when we show that show all the time for horse lovers.

Speaker 1 But it's fascinating to me because

Speaker 1 you don't see a lot of people who are in public office then transition

Speaker 1 to a completely different career. Usually when you're in politics, you're kind of in politics for life.

Speaker 1 Was when you made that transition, were you ever being, are you ever thinking, like, maybe I'm going to get back into politics or this is

Speaker 6 it used to cross my mind once in a while, but I always knew separately that I would make my living doing something different than politics.

Speaker 6 Politics is, to me, like religion, something you really believe in.

Speaker 6 I didn't want that compromised by the need to put food on the table for my family, which would mean I would say anything or do anything to get re-elected.

Speaker 6 I think that's where we get corruption in politics, whether it's intellectual corruption or financial corruption.

Speaker 6 People have to get re-elected, so they all of a sudden start doing things they shouldn't be doing, or making decisions they know is not the best thing for the country or the community. But

Speaker 6 I could always have my politics be pure because I knew I'd make my living doing something else. I thought I'd be making a living being a lawyer.

Speaker 6 I didn't realize that my living would come from show business.

Speaker 6 That was the surprise. But I always knew it'd be separate.

Speaker 1 So as the mayor of Cincinnati, did you have to pretend that you like Skyline Chili? I love Skyline.

Speaker 1 Me too. Me too.
Come on. Love it.
Me too. Love it.

Speaker 6 This is the first time that anybody else is in the middle of the watch from any other part of the country laughs at you. Yeah, because if you meet someone,

Speaker 6 Texas, when you meet someone from the streets. You love it now?

Speaker 1 You're saying you love it. I enjoy Skyline Chili.
I mean, this is...

Speaker 1 I'm coming out. I'm coming out.

Speaker 6 It's got a sweetness to it. Yes.

Speaker 1 It's got the smell. Oh, this is

Speaker 1 the one. You get the chill.
Oh, that's

Speaker 1 stop outside. Bullshit.
Jerry. Jerry.

Speaker 1 You don't have Steve Wilkos here to break you.

Speaker 1 I'm going to throw a chair at Big Cat. He literally, this is the first time he's ever said he loved it.
I enjoyed it. Because you said it.
I like it once a year. He hates it.
We shit on it.

Speaker 1 I feel like see it. I feel comfortable going in a safe space around it.
I've been around people who've said they like it. Yeah, you know what? And you know what?

Speaker 1 You get the oyster cracker at the start. Oh, you got sauce on it?

Speaker 1 This is dropping off.

Speaker 1 This is

Speaker 1 the finest. Give it to me.

Speaker 1 This is more disgusting than Skyline Chili.

Speaker 1 Mount Rushmore season's over, picking up. Yeah, dude.
Just chill out, dude. Chill out.

Speaker 6 Skyline's mad.

Speaker 1 It's good. It's good.
It's gross, and you know it's gross.

Speaker 6 I love it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's a lie.

Speaker 6 Yeah, but Texas, but yeah, people that otherwise eat chili, they can't believe we call that chili.

Speaker 1 Yeah, in Texas, I lived there for about nine years. We have all sorts of rules.
Beans don't count in chili. It's a whole thing.

Speaker 6 Well, you know what? Three-way, which is the sp

Speaker 6 spaghetti,

Speaker 6 the chili, and the beans.

Speaker 1 Yep, and then you get the four-way, which is the onions, right? Yes. And then the five-way is when you add in, there's, what's the five-way?

Speaker 1 Oh, I thought you loved Skyline Chili. I've never had the five-way because you don't let me get away guy.
Big catches electronic. You actually have had five-way.
I've been there. I have.

Speaker 1 Don't remember it. That's interesting.

Speaker 1 That's interesting. What you brought up earlier was kind of fascinating when you said that you did not know the topic of any show before

Speaker 1 it started taping that. You don't tell me yet.
That's kind of crazy. So you have to ask these leading questions to figure out what the show is going to be about.

Speaker 1 So you're kind of in charge of directing which direction it goes, even though you don't even know. Yeah, but that makes it more fun.
Yeah, it's a fun thing.

Speaker 1 And then afterwards, you would do your final thought. So would you have a minute to sit down and compose that? Would you tape that well after the fact, or would you still be around?

Speaker 6 It's within five minutes.

Speaker 6 But it takes five minutes to write.

Speaker 1 How often would people come up to you afterwards and be like, hey, Jerry, I was on your show 10 years ago.

Speaker 6 Oh, that does happen.

Speaker 1 What was the most remarkable story or one that you can remember?

Speaker 6 I'm not sure I remember, but I hear that a lot. Or my mom was on

Speaker 6 your show, and I always say, oh, I'm so sorry. Yeah, right.
Because it can't have been something good. Right.

Speaker 6 Right. You know, you don't get on because you won the Nobel Prize.

Speaker 1 That would actually be a nice curveball you throw everyone. Like, this guy won a Nobel Prize.
Come on out, the winner. He didn't fuck anyone's wife or anything.
He just won a Nobel Prize. That's it.

Speaker 1 Was there ever a positive story that came out? Like something that was obviously not the Nobel Prize, but something that surprised you because it was kind of heartfelt and good?

Speaker 1 Well, early on, when you know,

Speaker 6 about three or four years in, we became a circus. But before we went to circus ride.

Speaker 1 To put it nicely, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 6 But before we went to circus rides, yeah, there were a lot of stories of really nice things, particularly involving children and stuff like that.

Speaker 6 Yeah, there were heartwarming stories in the beginning.

Speaker 1 So when you became a circus, you got a lot of blow back from a bunch of different groups like trying to take you off television. What was your usual take? It was almost like...

Speaker 1 You were ahead of your time on doing something that was maybe over the line and having people push back at you, which is now kind of a phenomenon we see all the time.

Speaker 1 What was your, you know, how would you survive that day-to-day, week to week, year to year?

Speaker 6 I never thought about it much. In other words, to me, it was always just television.
It was never my life. Right.
So I just wouldn't get that excited about it.

Speaker 6 It seemed like nonsense.

Speaker 6 And with all the things going on in the world, complaining about a television show seemed like, oh, get a life. There's, you know,

Speaker 6 you want to talk issues? Let's talk issues.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 6 That's why God gave us remote control. If you don't like it, change the channel.

Speaker 1 That's a good approach.

Speaker 6 Yeah. And so I never got - I'm not saying people - look, I could think of lots of reasons not to like the show.
And as I said, I would never watch it.

Speaker 1 That's fantastic.

Speaker 6 Yeah, but no, I wouldn't watch it because I was never of that age group. In other words, if I was your age or in college or whatever, of course I would watch.

Speaker 6 I mean, I would have been the first one to buy the tapes and do all of that. But when you're 75 years old or 65 years old or 55 years old, that's not who the show is aimed at.

Speaker 6 I'm not saying people of that age don't watch, but that's not like let's get the 75-year-olds.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 that's applicable to it. It's not my taste.
It's not my taste.

Speaker 6 Why would I watch it?

Speaker 1 We have that a lot where people who don't like us, and we always are like, Well, this isn't aimed towards you, this isn't necessarily a product for you. Yeah, and that does you can change the channel.

Speaker 1 I mean, you can change a channel on the internet a lot easier than you can on a TV because my remote control has been broken for like a month, and I haven't done anything to fix it. Yeah, it sucks.

Speaker 6 If I see someone, you know, that makes a spaghetti I don't like.

Speaker 1 Skyline chili. Yeah.
No, we're talking spaghetti.

Speaker 6 It's a different dish. Yeah.
I don't say, you know, I hate you.

Speaker 1 Right. You know? Uh-huh.
Good point, sir.

Speaker 6 Don't buy my spaghetti. Buy the other guy.

Speaker 1 Let people eat what they want to eat. Yeah, I appreciate it.
Or let people pretend they don't like something they don't like.

Speaker 1 And then when Jerry Springer shows up, let people eat what they like to eat. Fake life shit.

Speaker 1 You had the government coming at you at one point.

Speaker 1 You had Big Brother. Bad boy.
Joe Lieberman.

Speaker 1 He made a few statements saying that it shouldn't be on the air, that sort of thing, how you were corrupting the youth. Did you ever feel like you were ever corrupting any youth? No.

Speaker 1 I mean, you corrupted me for sure.

Speaker 6 Well, that I tried. Yeah.

Speaker 6 But that was easy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was very easy. You went easy.
That was very easy.

Speaker 6 You fell in the first round.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 absolutely.

Speaker 6 Yeah, no, of course not. But,

Speaker 6 you know, it's fine.

Speaker 6 People in politics, and he probably, I'm not saying he was insincere. He probably really believed it.
And that's good that's what's

Speaker 6 that's why we have a free society everyone's entitled to their opinion everyone's entitled to the only thing you can't do I never told people they should watch the show because it's up to your own taste it's not for everybody but I did stand up against people who tried to censor it

Speaker 6 because in a free society you don't have the right to tell other people you know, what they can believe, what they can watch, what they can read, you know, unless children.

Speaker 6 But otherwise, no, you can't do that. So therefore,

Speaker 6 you know, who is any senator? You know, how do they have a right to say what, you know, what other people can

Speaker 6 enjoy or watch? This is a free society. So, of course, I'll stand up against that.
I don't believe in censorship.

Speaker 1 Was there ever a moment where you're like, oh man, this circus works? Was it like, you know, some guy comes out and he's dressed like an adult baby and you're like, it never happened.

Speaker 1 You're on to something.

Speaker 6 It never really happened in watching the show or in being there.

Speaker 6 i think the first time that i said oh my gosh is well there were two times uh one being on the cover of rolling stone and the other was being on the simpsons yeah i figured i remember commenting i said geez we've made a cultural mark even though we didn't intend to it was just putting on a stupid show but wow if this is what's going on i should pay attention to what we're doing more and uh i remember that having a an effect i remember being at home you know, we were talking about it, my family.

Speaker 6 And, you know, my daughter's saying, look,

Speaker 6 this is, you know,

Speaker 6 something's going on.

Speaker 1 So that

Speaker 6 reminded me that, yeah, maybe this is having some effect on how people like it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 At any point, did you guys add in extra bleeps or blurs where they didn't need to be blurs? Because I had a theory that you did that sometimes.

Speaker 6 And you were right.

Speaker 1 Knew it. Yep.
Because it seems so much cooler.

Speaker 6 I don't know the

Speaker 6 digitalizing, you know,

Speaker 6 so that you don't see breasts or whatever. But with the bleeps, that is true.
If a show was going slow,

Speaker 6 you know, the editors would throw in a bleep to make you think that the person cursed you.

Speaker 1 Oh, we should do that. Absolutely.
Yeah. We should throw.
All right, so my last question, promo code take.

Speaker 6 Don't one of the late night comedians have a bit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, unnecessary censorship. Jimmy Kimmel does that.
Oh, fuck that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, bleep. Bleep out that and

Speaker 1 fuck. Fuck.
Yeah, boom.

Speaker 1 Last question, SeatGeek question, promo code take. Use $10.
You get $10 off your SeatGeek purchase, promo code take.

Speaker 1 You are a sports fan. This is a sports podcast.
Pete Rose Hall of Famer has to be in.

Speaker 6 Yes.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 And Yankee fan, diehard Yankee fan.

Speaker 1 Let's go with

Speaker 1 Aaron Judge. Has he earned his pinstripes? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, he hasn't won a World Series.

Speaker 1 Well. How do you earn your pinstripes? You haven't won a World Series.

Speaker 6 Well, have me back a month from now, and you'll

Speaker 6 feel that copy of him apologize.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay. Premature pinball pinched.

Speaker 6 No, he's one of those.

Speaker 6 Well, of course, he's been with the Yankees for

Speaker 1 longevity, his pinstripes. Glabor Torres.

Speaker 6 Yeah, you're not talking Hall of Fame. You're talking

Speaker 6 about the Yankee. Yeah.
And you know what?

Speaker 1 Better than the Hall of Fame. Yes.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 Oh, Torres is, you know. Pinstripes.
He may be the best all-around player on the team.

Speaker 1 So you're saying he earned his pinstripes? You can tell we're a little bit obsessed with the pinstripes.

Speaker 1 You have a loose bar.

Speaker 6 It's the only part of me that's Republican.

Speaker 1 Being a Yankees fan?

Speaker 6 Being a Yankees fan that you can buy anything and that you wear pinstripe suits.

Speaker 1 There you go. Appreciate hearing that.

Speaker 6 So one part of me I give to the Republicans, but everything else, no.

Speaker 1 Okay. I love it.
I love it. Are you a Bengals fan?

Speaker 6 Yes, but I grew up in New York, so I'm also a Giants fan.

Speaker 1 Okay. Go a couple ways there.
Yeah, those teams never will cross paths. All right, well, Judge Jerry is when is the premiere?

Speaker 6 It started Monday. Started Monday.
It's the third day of the day of the show.

Speaker 6 It's the third day of the show. Make sure you check it out.
Judge Jerry Jerry Jerry. It's every city in America, so wherever you live.

Speaker 1 Literally every city?

Speaker 6 Every city, literally. It's a hundred years ago.

Speaker 1 Can I sue you if that's not the case? You can sue me. On Judge Jerry?

Speaker 6 Yeah, but I'm the judge, so you'll lose. Can I give you a little tip?

Speaker 1 Maybe goose the ratings a little bit.

Speaker 1 Jim Harbaugh is a huge fan of daytime judge shows. You should have him sit in the audience for

Speaker 1 like he would love that. that.
Yeah, get

Speaker 1 them go. Here's what you do.
Have Sabin and Harbaugh go head to head over satellite.

Speaker 6 Well let me give you a Jim Harbaugh story.

Speaker 1 Please do.

Speaker 6 Four or five years ago,

Speaker 6 I'm with my grandson in Disneyland out in Anaheim.

Speaker 6 And someone yells out, hey, Jerry. I turn around.
God, the guy looks so familiar. It's Jim Harbaugh.
Hey, how you doing? Oh, big fan of the show.

Speaker 6 You know, watch it during practices when the, you know, when we're getting ready for practice, et cetera, and all that. Yeah, let's take pictures.

Speaker 6 So he put me on his phone, and all of a sudden, I get all these, and I'm from Ohio,

Speaker 6 Cincinnati. So, you know, with Michigan.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the team up north.

Speaker 6 He was a great guy. I mean, he was, he was really nice.
But he mentioned that he's a real, and he would talk about specific shows we've done.

Speaker 6 So it wasn't like, you know, you meet a celebrity and say, hey, how you doing? I love your work. You know, I love your show.
I love your movie. You didn't even see the movie.

Speaker 6 But, you know, we all feel when we meet someone who's well known that we got to say something.

Speaker 6 And the only thing we know to say, because otherwise, what kind of conversation are you going to have with the person? You know,

Speaker 6 when you meet,

Speaker 6 let's say a celebrity, what do you talk to them other than what they're known for?

Speaker 1 Right, exactly.

Speaker 6 You know, you don't say, hey, did you get that new car yet?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 6 What's going on? Are the kids doing well? So you have to talk about it. So, but he knew specific shows we had done.

Speaker 1 Of course, he's probably like the guy that got breast implants. Can you get milk out of those? Yeah, that would be tasty.
He has it all in his Excel spreadsheet, which is a spreadsheet for life.

Speaker 1 So, Judge Jerry, check it out. Jerry Springer, Legend of the Game.
Thank you so much. Appreciate it.

Speaker 1 Let's do one. Jerry.
Jerry.

Speaker 1 Jerry.

Speaker 1 No, you're supposed to piss. You're supposed to.
Jerry.

Speaker 1 Go ahead and do it. Whip it out.
Jerry. Jerry.
All right. Thanks so much.

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Speaker 1 Okay, let's get to some segments. First up, we have no idea about the.
I don't think we've played.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 I don't know if we've played it. I looked up the schedule.
There's a group.

Speaker 1 Good news is the Breakers are in first place. Bad news is nobody's played a game yet.
So

Speaker 1 everyone's tied. Everyone's in the playoff hunt.

Speaker 1 If the season ended today, we would be tied for first place. So, Hank, are you just watching?

Speaker 5 Lanelo Ball is getting no one pick buzz after his first games in Australia.

Speaker 1 Number one pick buzz. Yeah, okay, got it.
So I think he's been maybe doing some preseason.

Speaker 5 It must be preseason. But either way,

Speaker 5 it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 30-foot floaters or 30-foot floaters. Right, preseason down in the NBL is like playoff speed in the NBA.

Speaker 1 Yeah, okay, so 30-foot floaters or 30-foot floaters, but we haven't played a game yet. October 18th.

Speaker 1 October 18th. At home.
There we go. Against the Sydney Kings.
Yes, and we... Nope, we lost our last game.
Never mind. Well, that was in the offs.
Yeah, yeah. The offs.
Yes, we didn't win at all.

Speaker 1 Okay, so we have a couple news segments for you. First is

Speaker 1 How Dare You, Sir?

Speaker 1 This also could be the Keith Olbermann segment, even though it's not about Keith Olbermann. It's about Michael Vick going.
Michael Vick's on TV now? Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 Michael Vick saying, how dare you, sir, to Cam Newton wearing ridiculous post-game outfits? Yes, he said that Newton needs to focus on being a quarterback, not a fashion icon.

Speaker 1 He said, this isn't a fashion show. This is football.
So strong words. Damn, from the moral authority of quarterback players.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Stick to just playing football. Don't do anything outside of football like wearing ridiculous outfits or murdering dogs.
You should be thinking. Wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 1 Oh, I just threw that in. That was just...
Michael Vick? It's usually when I always say that. I'm like, look at that guy.
He's wearing such a crazy outfit.

Speaker 1 And look at that guy over there. He's murdering dogs.
Oh, so his job. I just

Speaker 1 peanut butter and jelly. Because Tony Dungy absolved him of that.
So it technically didn't happen in the past.

Speaker 1 It actually would be fucking hilarious if Cam Newton showed up for his next post-game presser wearing one of those dog safety outfits that you get attacked by. Yes.
That's what you should do, Cam.

Speaker 1 Or take a page out of Kyle Long's post-game attire. Yes, exactly.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then you can come on the show. Yeah.
Talking hieroglyphics.

Speaker 1 Cam Newton,

Speaker 1 I'm circling Cam Newton, Kyle Allen, if he plays well in Houston. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think, did I not say after the first week, like, this is the year that it falls off for Cam Newton?

Speaker 1 I said it before the Tampa. You're the game.
Are you Chris Bashar? Like, the first I heard say.

Speaker 1 By the way, I've been getting a lot of shit for doing the cocky dungeon on the Vikings. Well, it's just kind of.
I stand by it.

Speaker 1 I know, it just kind of, like, the dungeon is supposed to be for teams that have a losing record, and we're like, they're done. You did it off of a win.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So it kind of ruins the whole vibe of the dungeon. No, it is just.
Like, you're supposed to come into Monday and be like, this team stinks. We're overreacting to a loss.
They're done.

Speaker 1 I wanted to make it so. You did that on a win.
I wanted to make it so.

Speaker 1 Yeah, okay. Hey.
Slow to curse. That's fine.
That's fine.

Speaker 1 All right. We have another one.
Pardon my technology corner. That was a mouthful.
Pat Fitzgerald, though. Pat Fitzgerald should have won Football Guy of the Week.
Who won? Danny Vitale won.

Speaker 1 Pat Fitzgerald should have won, though, because

Speaker 1 Northwestern hasn't been playing well. They got beat by Michigan State.
They got to go up to Madison on Saturday. Probably going to get the shit kicked out of them.
Whatever.

Speaker 1 But he said, I understand there are 40,000 experts on Twitter that can call plays for me. My email address is hashtag I don't care.

Speaker 6 That's good.

Speaker 1 That's a pretty good email address. Yeah, that's crazy.
I'm surprised I was still available. Yeah, that's crazy.
Can we sign up for hashtag Idon'Care at gmail.com?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I also, I'm going to do a little stat check on this. There's no chance, no chance, that there are 40,000 people tweeting about Northwestern's play calling.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there are. They're all former graduates of Medille.

Speaker 1 Darren Revelle might be tweeting. No, Darren Vell wouldn't even do that.
So, I, no, Darren Vell thinks that they're going to win every single game and gets nervous about Northwestern football.

Speaker 1 Here's how you can tell if somebody's an expert about football on Twitter, okay? Ready? Well, there are two ways.

Speaker 1 One is if they have their favorite team's record in their username that they update after every week, that person knows their shit.

Speaker 1 And then the second is if their Twitter handle starts with with DFS for daily fantasy sports. Yes.
Like

Speaker 1 DFS Johnny. Or if they have NFL anywhere in it.
That's also true. It's huge.
Ross Tucker NFL. The first time I saw him tweet, I was like, who's this bozo? What does he know about? Oh,

Speaker 1 okay. All right.
Brandon Walker SEC. Watch out.
Oh,

Speaker 1 he knows the SEC.

Speaker 1 Damn.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so 40,000 people tweeting in Patford's General's about the play calling.

Speaker 1 Again, I don't think that that's happening. Not only

Speaker 1 40, 40, maybe 40 tops. But not only is it not 40,000, it's also like, what other play would Northwestern run except run the ball or maybe like a quick slant? Yeah, that's about it.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 No one's been like, hey, man, we got to get our athletes in space. Yeah, it's at not Freddie Kitchens, run the ball, fourth and nine.
Yeah. Push it.

Speaker 1 You won't do it.

Speaker 1 This was one of those circumstances where hearing somebody talk about how little they know about technology makes me feel really dumb for knowing so much about technology. Yes.

Speaker 1 You know, like when you try to explain something to a grandparent or an old person and they're just like, I don't understand. Like, why do you need to log into Instagram? Right.

Speaker 1 It makes you feel really dumb for feeling like you have to do that in your life. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So nonetheless, I mean, Pat Fitzgerald won the Football Guy of the Week this week just from this because that is a total football guy.

Speaker 1 I honestly don't think he knows how Twitter and email works.

Speaker 1 And I honestly don't think that Pat Fitzgerald, like, who, who the fuck, here's another thing.

Speaker 1 Who the fuck is complaining about Northwestern football when Pat Fitzgerald has literally gotten them to the glory days?

Speaker 1 These are the glory days. You will look back on this and be like, remember the time when we went to Indy and lost to Ohio State.
We were down by seven and a half times. Those are the glory days.

Speaker 1 You don't complain about that. So hashtag.

Speaker 1 People don't care because you actually have a team that's relevant. Well, so it's just struck me that he's probably talking about everybody that's at the games.
Yes.

Speaker 1 So you can't have it both ways, Pat Fitzgerald. Are people not going to the games because they're on their phone? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Or are they all attending the games to use their phone and tell you what plays to run? A little chicken in the egg. Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. So let's do our PMT Sports Biz Minute.
Good morning. This is Jake Marsh with the PMT Sports Biz Minute.
The NFL kicker epidemic continues.

Speaker 1 The fourth Mac Day of the Buccaneers missed a potential game winner over the weekend to give the Giants their first win of the season.

Speaker 1 But the alarming part about this is even future Hall of Famers and veterans are missing left and right too.

Speaker 1 Addington Terry and Stephen Goskowski have each missed three extra points so far this season. All NFL goal posts were panted a yellowish gold in 1966 and according to U.S.

Speaker 1 Patent 5429350, they are built to support the weight of 22 fans at one time.

Speaker 1 So the next time you feel like storming the field, I'm counting on some AWL to test that out and see if that number is indeed true. true.

Speaker 1 October is right around the corner and you know what that means. Champagne celebration season in Major League Baseball.

Speaker 1 In a 750 milliliter bottle of champagne, there are approximately 49 million bubbles. 25 guys on the team, about 20 celebrations, and whoa! That's your PNC sports for the minute.
Mr. Cat, Mr.

Speaker 1 Commenter, back to you. Thanks, Jake.
Very cool. Very cool.
Those are some cool stats. The bubble facts were nice.
Yeah. Yeah, the bubble facts.
Bubble facts. Yeah, those are...

Speaker 1 I didn't know that much about bubbles.

Speaker 1 49,000 bubbles in a bottle of champagne. Is that all true?

Speaker 1 Oh, excuse me, 49 million million?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 How is that possible? They just pack them in there. Damn.
Okay, let's do. It's like an Ecuadorian bus.
Hank is very,

Speaker 1 he's very confused. I guess you guys haven't ridden on buses in Ecuador before.
No.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Hank, do you want to do Guys on Chicks? By the way, I just

Speaker 1 looked up Pat Fitzgerald Play Calling, and all I got was a tweet from 2015. I love Pat Fitzgerald as a human being, but this play calling mysterious.
Okay, so actually, it stands.

Speaker 1 That's actually a very nice way to question somebody's play calling. Yeah.
Like, I loved you, but I would have passed there. Yes, yes.
But I love you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's go.

Speaker 5 Hey, fellas, especially daddy cat. If I'm pregnant and go swimming, how does the baby not drown?

Speaker 1 Umbilical cord is like a snorkel. So if you keep your belly button above the water, it's fine.
Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 That's actually a fact.

Speaker 1 For real? Yeah. Yeah.
That's how babies breathe through.

Speaker 5 That's the belly button. If she goes swimming, obviously her belly button's going on.

Speaker 1 Bestrode. Yeah, right.
You float. Backstroke.

Speaker 1 Have you never been to Ken Bones' favorite subreddit?

Speaker 5 Nope.

Speaker 1 They just do the backstroke

Speaker 1 and their bellies just stick out and it's majestic. It's actually the number four website in the entire world, according to CumScore.com.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That sucks, by the way, when they always are like, you can't, pregnant women can't go into hot tubs. Because when you go to a hotel and there's a hot tub, it's awesome.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they have to just, can they at least do the thing where they sit on the edge and warm their tootsies i don't know it says elderly kids pregnant women diarrhea diarrhea uh-huh jalen ramsey which is that which drop the tub that literally is the entire population of america old people kids pregnant women diarrhea you're right check check check yeah yep okay sup boys this weekend i hooked up with a guy and he was smiling the entire time I've seen some weird faces during a hookup, but never just smiling the entire time.

Speaker 5 It was super creepy. Is he a serial killer? Thanks.

Speaker 1 It might just be Heinz Ward.

Speaker 6 It's a serial killer.

Speaker 1 Patrick Bateman. No, is that his name? Yeah.
Oh, you just saw that movie. Have you been thinking about it a lot? No.
Have you had the urge to kill some homeless people? I actually have.

Speaker 1 You've had the urge to kill some people. Have you had the urge to put a cat into an ATM machine? Is that what he tried to do?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Was that all a dream, though?

Speaker 1 Oh, man.

Speaker 1 I think so. I haven't seen it in forever.
That's what I couldn't figure out at the end. I think I saw it when it came out and haven't watched it again.
I think so.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was weird. Yeah, I think he's like, that was

Speaker 5 all in his mind in the drawing. Right.

Speaker 5 Because it would be like murder and then it would be him drawing it.

Speaker 1 Someone tell us. Someone spoil it for us because we don't remember.
So the question is, is it weird for a guy to smile whilst you're hooking up throughout an evening? Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's just happy. Oh, that's very weird.

Speaker 1 Would you rather he be crying?

Speaker 5 No, because you'd be thinking the whole time. They'd be thinking of trying not to, you know,

Speaker 5 unload. So it's like, you shouldn't be smiling that whole time.

Speaker 1 Maybe that's his anti-unload face. Like, if I smile through this, ever heard a grin and bear it? That's a good point.
Maybe he hates sex.

Speaker 1 Maybe he's a Yankees fan, so he's really happy while he's thinking about baseball. Mm-hmm.
And then, yeah, that's. This season has been going great.

Speaker 5 What's up? What's happening, boys, especially newly verified bare hand fish catching Hank and sometimes 5'10 PFT? Ooh. My fiancé has trouble pooping anywhere other than working home.

Speaker 5 If we go away for a few days, he gets constipated and then complains about stomach pain and blames it on being away. This past weekend, we were away at a wedding for my friend.

Speaker 5 He was absent for about half the reception because he was trying to pinch one off, then was miserable when he couldn't.

Speaker 5 Then we got home, he blew up our bathroom and proceeded to gloat about how great of a dump he took.

Speaker 1 Any suggestions to fix this issue? Yeah, stop at Taco Bell on your road trips. Damn.

Speaker 1 This guy's fucked up. I have the opposite problem.
I like pooping in new places.

Speaker 1 You know those old people that have RVs?

Speaker 5 That's not Scott Boris's office.

Speaker 1 That's true. Because respect.
Out of respect for the man and his many decorative baseball bats.

Speaker 1 But you know how on the back of RVs old people have the states that they've been to colored in? That's kind of like me with bathrooms. It's like, check that one off the list.
I'm world traveling.

Speaker 1 I never understood people who are either or, like PFT, who likes to poop other places and people who can only poop at home. That just seems weird to me.
It's a safety issue. Go when you got to go.

Speaker 1 Some people see it as like a safety issue.

Speaker 5 When I say it, when I poop in jail, it's like, oh, End of the world.

Speaker 1 You did poop in jail. I never.

Speaker 1 Have I ever said anything? Yes, on this show. No.
Oh, yeah. About you pooping in jail? Yes.
I don't think so.

Speaker 5 During the rushboard, during the ghost at the ghost hunting night.

Speaker 1 I thought it was weirder that you took a long nap in jail.

Speaker 1 But also,

Speaker 1 if you sleep in jail, keep asleep with one eye open, dude.

Speaker 1 I've also heard that. You couldn't actually sleep.

Speaker 5 I was with Feidelberg and he was snoring.

Speaker 1 Somebody told me that dogs, they look at you when they're pooping because that's when they feel like they're at their most vulnerable.

Speaker 1 And so Leroy busted into the bathroom, broke down the door while I was pooping the other day, and came and just laid down on my foot.

Speaker 1 And the person told me it's because he knew I was at my most vulnerable, so he was protecting me. Damn, good dog.
Dogs, major boop for that one.

Speaker 6 Yeah, sup, boys.

Speaker 1 So Rex Chapman's going to tweet that and be like, dogs, gotta love them after he tweets 10 straight videos of someone dying.

Speaker 1 He mixes those in, and it's so funny. It's like, watch this guy in Russia getting fucking smoked by a bus, block or charge.

Speaker 1 And then the next one, they're like, watch this guy in China falling off a roof, block or charge. Then a dog, like, licking a baby's face, dogs.

Speaker 1 Damn, we don't deserve them.

Speaker 5 Sup, boys. So a couple days ago, I was really horny, but couldn't see my guy.
So I decided to take care of it myself.

Speaker 1 It wasn't like a drug dealer for being horny? My guy.

Speaker 5 I really get off to dirty text messages. So I went back and read through old sexs, the kicker.
They were old sex from my ex, sounds like an album,

Speaker 5 from a few months ago. The worst part, as I was reading through them, I held one of the messages down and accidentally liked it.

Speaker 1 Oh, that newest feature on iMessage.

Speaker 5 So my ex got a text on a very old, dirty message, and I'm dating someone else. I am horrified.
What do I do?

Speaker 1 Say you got the new iPhone.

Speaker 5 Just start liking every single single one.

Speaker 1 Just go back and plug in the software. Two years.
Uh-huh. You updated.

Speaker 1 You got the new phone shit's going crazy start sending text messages in all caps with links to russian websites yep they'll think you got hacked mass text message your entire phone book and be like hey just got the new iphone if you get a weird text message from me it's because my old one got compromised it got stolen yeah uh-huh good call or hope he sees it and then you can just do some like up-to-date sext you know because he definitely did he jerked off to that like

Speaker 1 probably yeah oh yeah because he had to scroll up and be like what did she just like yeah and then he got caught in the whole thing also that heart looks thick sometimes yeah so you guys had sex uh my husband always tells his friend that our first child was an anal birth

Speaker 1 that's guy humor

Speaker 1 is an anal birth actually possible yeah for sure it's called it's called going number two

Speaker 1 imagine meeting new people and and and the guys are like yeah

Speaker 1 Our kid, I fucked her in the ass.

Speaker 1 That's how we had Johnny over here. That's just good old-fashioned guy humor.
This guy's...

Speaker 1 Yeah, my sperm, they wear like old World War I Germany-style helmets with a spike on their head so they can just burrow through the colon.

Speaker 5 This guy hasn't consummated our marriage. This guy has

Speaker 1 six split level in Toledo, Ohio.

Speaker 5 All right, last one.

Speaker 1 Good question, though, Chase.

Speaker 5 What's up, boys? Especially Dad Cat. Last winter, my fiancé and I found out that we were going to be having a baby.
When we told his parents about the news. Wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 1 Okay, last winter, I mean, I think you've had the baby you're about to just heads up dude you might about you might be you might be a dad you'll find out what wait no it's a mom it's a mom you might have already had the baby are there ways to induce birth like through audio stimuli

Speaker 1 like we told his parents about the news the baby whining like they start to lactate

Speaker 1 that's a cat

Speaker 5 when we told his parents about the news they were very excited considering that this was going to be their first grandchild after months a few months after telling him his mom came to us and said she knew what she wanted our baby to call her.

Speaker 5 She then went to Onik to explain she wanted to be called mama and that I could be called mother. Dot, dot, dot, yes, mother.

Speaker 5 My fiancé and I laughed it off, thinking it was a joke and never to be brought up again. I had our sweet baby girl two weeks ago.
Oh!

Speaker 5 And the first time his mom held her, she said, come to mama, let me hold you.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 5 My fiancé told her that she was going to be called Grammy, but she refuses and says she's too young to be called that.

Speaker 5 Any advice on how we can get her to stop referring to herself as mama without causing tension?

Speaker 1 That's a very good question. We'd probably have to see a picture of this girl.
Go like Mima. Mima? Mima is worse than the.

Speaker 1 Mima the Baker. You know Mima the Baker? Nope.
That's the

Speaker 1 way you cook. No, Mima the Mimo.
Mimo the Elf.

Speaker 1 And he's cooking.

Speaker 1 No, he's cooking Kentucky in a frying pan. It's Minnesota, Iowa, Missouri,

Speaker 1 Arkansas, Louisiana. Louisiana's the boot.
Yeah. Mima the Baker.

Speaker 1 That's how you remember the states. Go Tiger.
What was the question? The Tiger.

Speaker 5 You're going to get free rent at all those states if you live in any of them. If you're not.

Speaker 1 If you're a baker. Yeah, there's reciprocity throughout Tornado Alley.
So the question was,

Speaker 1 how do you get the mom to not how do you get the grandma to not

Speaker 1 want to be called mama?

Speaker 6 How do you stop that?

Speaker 1 That's actually a very good question. I think.

Speaker 1 She's a gilf. She has to get pregnant.
The grandmother? Yeah, the grandmother has to get pregnant again. Mama.
Because that would be too confusing. Because she'd want to call her child mom.

Speaker 1 She'd want her child to call her mama, too.

Speaker 1 And you can't have them calling you the same thing. Fun fact: when we rescued Stella, not to brag, but rescued Stella, whatever.

Speaker 1 The pound gave her the name Mama. How terrible is that? That's an awful name.
Awful name.

Speaker 1 As somebody that sold used dogs, if somebody suggested that name, I'd say, get the fuck off my live. Mama? Yeah.
What the fuck? This dog's name Wizard, and that's the end of the story.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think you're just screwed. I think you're screwed.
Yeah. I think just have her get pregnant.
That's really the only way. Mm-hmm.
Yeah. Get a turkey baster.

Speaker 1 Have your fiancé. No, that's weird.

Speaker 1 Get a turkey baster and have your father-in-law jack off into it. No, you know what? Say that

Speaker 1 you can be mama, but you have to pay for the kids' entire education.

Speaker 1 Fair. That's fair.
Like, you get it. Well, just any expense.
Any expense. You have to, yeah, just start billing her as the mama.
This is a free baby. There it is.
I'm the nanny.

Speaker 1 I'll call myself nanny. You pay me to take care of my baby.
I love it. I love it.
All right. Okay, Okay, so Friday, huge guests.
Big, big guests. Two guests.
Two very large guests. Get very excited.

Speaker 1 Big guests. Love you guys.