NFL Week 3, Fastest 2 Minutes, Recap Of Every Game, The Pinky Team Is Announced, And A Name Roast

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
The last thing you want to hear when you need your auto insurance most is a robot with countless irrelevant menu options. Which is why with USAA Auto Insurance you'll get great service that is easy and reliable all at the touch of a button.
Get a quote today. Restrictions apply.
On today's part of my take NFL week three recap.

We do the fastest two minutes.

We're going to talk a little college football.

We have who's back of the week.

Football guy of the week.

It is no guest Monday.

We're going to talk about every single game.

I'm excited.

You're excited. Are you excited? PFT? Extremely excited.
I'm excited. Hank, are you excited? I'm so excited I'm scared.
Oh, okay. Damn.
Well, let me tell you something that will make you less scared. We're going to get right back to the show.
The last thing you want to hear when you need your auto insurance most is a robot with countless irrelevant menu options, which is why with USAA Auto insurance, you'll get great service that is easy and reliable all at the touch of a button.

Get a quote today. Restrictions apply.

All right, back to part of my take. Okay, let's go.
Hey! Oh, no, no, no. We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue.
And then we'll take it higher. Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue.
It's Pardon My Take presented by Barstool Sports. And then we'll take it higher.
Welcome to Pardon My Take presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now.
Use code BARSTOOL. You get $5 for free.
$5 to ASPCA. Today is Monday, September 23rd, week three.
Whap! Whap! Whap! I'm a little hoarse here, Boom. Whap! Better than being a big jackass.
We start in the city of brotherly love, where the Lions checked their luggage but brought brought their carry-on. Johnson that is.
That's a good one, Boom. Carson Wentz was throwing so many wounded ducks he could tile the roof of the Taj Mahal and the Eagles waterboarded themselves with drops all afternoon long.
Marvin Gaye Jones said, what's going on? Let's get it on as Matt Patricia was hot just like an oven in his sweatshirt on the sideline. Because when you get that feeling, it's sexual healing with a Ticonderoga number two.
Jamal Spiro Agnew returned a kickoff for a touchdown, pardoning the Lions and allowing them to escape Philadelphia at the height of Watergate scandal. Lions 27, Eagles 24.
What? What? What? What? Hey, good. Go.
Oh, no. What? We go to Foxboro where the Jets saw the Patriots and said, let's give them something to fuck about.
Fuckin' about love. Love.
Love. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.
Hey, hey, who let Trey Wingo in here? The weekend started with turmoil for the Patriots as Tom Brady kicked Antonio Brown out of his Marshall Newhouse faster than Bridget Moynihan after announcing she was pregnant. I stood him high, stood him high, stood him high, and you stood him low, stood him low, stood him low.
And as for Patriots, minus 21 gamblers, they got Stenum in the balls after Jared Stenum threw a late pick six. The Patriots kept the train rolling but lost Julian Edelman to a rib injury, which will now allow him to suck his own dick even more on his Instagram thirst traps.
Patriots 30, Jets 14. To Western New York, where the 2-0 Buffalo Bills welcome the 0-2 Cincinnati Bengals.
The Bills came out to a commanding 14-0 first half lead as Skoll Beasley dipped out and made a few long cuts, giving the Bengals the spin as they puked in their mouth. The Bengals came Tyler Backstreet Boyd in the second half, getting the offense in sync.
But it was Frank Gorbachev who led a Russian attack to seal the game. And they're hitting AZ-5 for the Bengals' season, but the meltdown is imminent.
Did they really shoot the dogs, Boom? No, Teej. Don't think about things like that.
No one circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills. Bills 21, Bengals 17.
Some spread. Up in the frozen tundra where the antidote to Philip Lindsay Lohan was a large dose of Marquez Valtrek's scantling.
The two errands hooked up on Sunday, and Mr. Aaron Jones and me tell each other fairy tales, smiling in the bright lights.
No offense to the New York Jets, but they're not coming through motto. They're coming in stereo.
If everybody loves you, you can never be lonely, even if you exile your entire family. The Packers are counting crows while Joe Flacco is missing the Ravens.
Nick Fangio in three, as the Broncos haven't found the win column yet. Packers 27, Broncos 16.
Down to Indianapolis, where Zach Pascal Siakam is a rising star in the Colts offense, and Jim Ursae is drunkenly asking his fans, why not Jacoby Brissett for the future of the franchise? Don't pull the plug on the Colts kicker yet, as Adam Vinatieri-Shivo came back from the dead on Sunday. The Falcons fall to 1-2 as Matt Ryan Dunn was unable to complete his final drive.
Too soon, boom. Colts 27, Falcons 24.
Whip! Whip!

Whip! Damn.

Over to Kansas City, where Lamar Jack,

son of Sam, was talking to his underdogs,

trying to shock the world with a win

in Arrowhead. Mark was even more

valuable than the ingram of Coke

with a nose for the goal line three different times.

Hattrick Mahomes

had three scores, and in the

words of John Gruden, when it comes to

beating the Chiefs, it's just too damn

I'm proud of you. the nose for the goal line three different times.
Patrick Mahomes had three scores, and in the words of John Gruden, when it comes to beating the Chiefs, it's just too damn Miko Hardman, man, man. Chiefs 33, Ravens 28.
Peter representatives, they're outlining a new report. They say, outlined the treatment of dolphins at the three SeaWorld locations.
They claim these dolphins are suffering under inhumane conditions and are forced to perform tricks that cause them injuries and also that their living conditions are unacceptable. Cowboys 31, Dolphins 6.
In beautiful San Diego where Stone Cold Steve Austin Eckler tried to stop a Texas mud hole but Carlos Santana Hyde was too smooth for the Chargers defense.

Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha.

Deshaun Michaels Watson kept talking old sweet chin music and getting back up in Houston left the LA fans in heartbreak kid.

The Chargers will be Jordan Aikens after this loss, after they fall to 1-2.

Houston 27, the Chargers 20.

Standing on the corner, Jameis Winston, Tampa, Florida. Such a fine sight to see.
He's driving that train, high on cocaine. Daniel Jones, you better watch your speed.
Come on, Matt Gay. Don't kick it that way.
The Giants stole a game like they were crab legs. Giants 32, Bucs 31, the G-Men.
The New York football Giants, the G-G-G-Men. We finish in the city by the bay as the Steelers visited Jimmy Eat World Garoppolo and the 49ers.

George, kiddle me this, kiddle me that.

Can a team with five turnovers win a football game?

They can when they're coached by the former Millennial Falcon Kyle Shanahan Solo.

And the 49ers are 3-0.

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Or as my good friend Chewbacca would say,

Niner's 24. Steelers, 20.
All right. That was a great Chewbacca, Hank.
I thought you actually had a Chewbacca when I asked you. My good friend Chewbacca.
Chewbacca, bacca, bacca, bacca, bacca. Whoa.
There you go. Oh, there you go, Hank.
There's your Chewbacca. I just told Hank to yawnwn and that would be the Chewbacca sound effect it's very true so week three in the books or we got Monday Night Football coming up that was an aggressive that was an aggressive overall week yeah it was there were some there were some aggressive jokes in there yeah Adam Vinatieri Schiavo I think that plays well now that Boomer and Teej are actually back we have to step up our games to be the R-rated Boomer and Teej.
So I think we did it. Sorry for being the bad boys.
No Guest Monday, back. We're going to recap every single game on Sunday.
We're going to talk about everything. You can watch it on Barstool Gold.
Go right now, barstoolgold.com slash PMT. We will start.
So we'll go in reverse order. We'll obviously start with the 1 o'clocks, but we have to at least mention the Sunday night game,

what we just watched.

Freddie Kitchens, you're a dummy.

Yeah, you're a dummy.

You're a dum-dum.

Let's not say things we can't take back.

You're a dum-dum.

I watched it.

You're a dum-dum.

That was a winnable game.

It was a very bad play call on 4th and 9.

They'll never see it coming. Okay, so 4 draw call what's going on the fact that your offensive line can't block for shit and you're calling basically everyone to go downfield when you need like you know there was multiple times a game where it felt like all the wide receivers were running 30-yard routes, and you can't block.

Right.

You can't block.

And they kept running 11 personnel.

I noticed.

I can't help but just call out the personnel groups.

Shout out Warren Sharp.

They should have gotten more 22 personnel.

It's like teaching a little kid how to do the alphabet, and we're just walking around

saying it constantly now that we know how to count this.

But the end of the game, you have first and goal from the four-yard line.

You have three timeouts, and you run every single play like it's desperation, no time on the clock. You don't have timeouts in your back pocket.
How about run the ball once? How about maybe a screen? I don't know. Try something other than everyone run in the end zone and Baker Mayfield runs for his life while his offensive line can't block.
That actually wouldn't have been a bad time to run a draw. Run the draw there.
You have four plays. You have to keep doing the draw.
Eventually it'll work, but it'll only work if you keep doing it. They ran the same exact, holy shit, our hair's on fire.
We need a touchdown on this play play. Run the ball.
Get three yards. Then you have second and goal on the one.
Then you can just fucking push it in yeah it was crazy it was bad play calling at the end i don't think he realized it was just kind of it was just kind of an ugly game in general but yeah he didn't i don't know he didn't know that he had three timeouts at the end of the game because then when he shouldn't have called the timeout on fourth down when he should have kept all three timeouts and at least made the rams like run the run plays and then maybe get a punt block out there yeah he called the timeout. Can I throw this out there? I think the Browns are better when they have a lot of distractions.
I didn't hear anything going into this game about Odell Beckham's watch or his visor or anything shiny that he was wearing at all, and they didn't go out there and play a good game. They scored 13 points, and it seemed like they were scratching and clawing for anything that they got.
Well, their defense played well, and the Rams obviously didn't play a great game either, but I always judge it a little differently when you're playing a primetime game on the road. Like, you know, when you're a primetime game on the road, it's just win.
It doesn't matter. Just escape the stadium, as Mike Tomlin would say.
But the Browns, that was a winnable game, and I don't see how you can blame anyone but Freddie Kitchens there. So they're now 1-2, and guess what? They have more primetime games coming up.
I think they play Monday Night Football in a couple weeks, and this is what we talked about this all offseason, the Browns and all the hype and all the expectations. What happens if they start slow? Well, now you got it.
And they've got a tough schedule, and they're banged up, and Joku's out for, what, like three, four more weeks? And they need him, as Warren Sharpe said. They definitely need him.
They need another tight end in there to block. They couldn't block shit today.
No, their offensive line is very bad. They could have used Ben Roethlisberger's social media account manager because it was bad.
They were getting pass-rushed by Aaron Donald left and right inside. Dante Fowler was right.
Clay Matthews on his dad's induction ceremony, no less. Wow.
Showed up, showed out big time. The Browns need to figure out a way to, like, let's get the distractions going.
This week is actually going to be good for the Browns. Who are they playing? Well, I just know they're going to be playing Colin Coward during the week because he's going to have a lot of shit to talk.
So Baker put a little bit more food in Colin's dish so he can eat up and get some ratings this week that's going to help him uh there were no distractions going into this weekend which i feel like is a problem at home at the ravens oh and then they play monday football at the 49ers who might actually be good so let's do all the games so let's start so the browns that's a revenge game for the entire city of cleveland though going. Always is.
Yeah. All right.
Let's start with the Sunday slate. Let's go with Lions Eagles.
The Lions are officially on frisky team that I don't actually know if they're good, but holy shit, they'll be in every game. They're undefeated, which is hilarious to say because they tied the Cardinals and the Cardinals are not good, but the Lions are in week three undefeated, which is hilarious to say because they tied the Cardinals, and the Cardinals are not good.
But the Lions are, in week three, undefeated. That is crazy to think about at all.
And just say, even if it's week one, saying the Lions are undefeated, it feels like you're saying something bad that you should get sent to your room for. And it's such a perfect way to do it because they have a tie, so they're 2-0-1.
The Eagles, on the other side other side are now 1-2 and it feels like just drop passes away from being 3-0 like the eagles are the official team of they should have a better record than they are because they keep fucking they had seven drop passes uh a bunch of fumbles and they pissed away that game they did they had two fumbles uh their return guy had two fumbles you remember that one play where he ran back and got his helmet ripped off yeah that was something where he looked like an owl because his head was backwards on yes i've never seen that i've never seen a worse missed call uh verbal meme verbal ready yeah um it's what's his name sanders is that the guy's name sure that was running back okay so sanders is the distracted miles sanders miles sanders is the distracted, and his head is turned backwards looking at Miles Sanders returning kicks, and then the girlfriend who's upset is Darren Sproles returning kicks. Good one.
That's a pretty good one. No, it was one of those games where I was watching it mostly on Twitter, and I thought that the Eagles were losing by 30 points because of how Philadelphia Twitter was reacting to everything.
They were down by three. Well, the Lions should have won by more.
Matt Patricia, put this in your tickler file. Matt Patricia, twice now, late game situations, gets super conservative and does the old, like, I'm trying not to lose, not trying to win.
He did it with the Cardinals game, and it felt like the same thing this one.

I don't trust him with a lead.

I don't trust him in the fourth quarter.

But, hey, undefeated.

The undefeated Detroit Lions.

You can't argue with the math on that.

Almost October.

You are who your record says you are.

I invented that right now.

Carson Wentz, every time I saw a highlight of him,

he was diving headfirst in the end zone.

That's all he does. Like he doesn't remember the year 2017 existing.
Or the year 2018. You're tempting fate, Carson, when you're diving headfirst.
If you were to look at former Eagles that learned from their mistakes, this is like Riley Cooper when he goes to karaoke night, he doesn't sing Wu-Tang Clan. He's not trying to make make any very avoidable mistakes out there slide feet first occasionally occasionally every now and again the Eagles are also one of those teams that it's the Eagles and the Chargers where I don't even think you can say they're banged up because they just go into the season banged up something's wrong with their their like staff or I don't know what it is but to say like oh well they're dealing with a bunch of injuries.
That's, that's not really an excuse because that's just status quo. I think the Eagles are the most injured team every single season.
That yeah. It's them in the chargers.
Yeah. Basically.
Yeah. It's them.
If you play tight end for the chargers or if you play a like wide receiver for the Eagles, you're going in with at least a mile of ankles right at every position. The other news we had coming from the Lions, so an adjacent topic, was the fact that Calvin Johnson did a whole piece where he said he's had a ton of concussions and he had to smoke weed every single Sunday after the Lions played because he was a Detroit Lion.
Yeah, I think that's what everybody who's a Lions fan does too. Yeah, he was just like, I had to smoke so much weed to just pretend that I wasn't on the Lions for a while.

And I know this is going to sound like me bashing the Lions, but that is kind of what he said, right?

Yeah, I mean, it was pain, but pain is both physical and mental.

If your brain is so dragged down to the point where the NFL is naming rules after you to say that what you did wasn't a catch,

then, yeah, you have a lot to forget about yourself.

Right.

So go home, blaze it up. Absolutely.
Go for it. He's also got the new Isaac Bruce fingers.
The fingers just everywhere. Yeah, the booger hand.
Yeah, yeah, he's got fingers going. The baldinger.
One dog's going this way, the other dog's going that way, and this guy's like, hey, what do you want from me? It's pretty ridiculous that off the top of my head I can name five different NFL players that all have disgusting fingers that make me want to throw up yes anthony munoz yeah all gross all these are bad gross i kind of i feel like that's such an alpha move to just walk in and like shake someone's hand and have your fingers just mangled and be like yep you want no pain we have these like soft blogger hands that are just so so gross because they're moist well yeah just years of just using a lot on them. Porcelain-like and just gross.
So much lotion. And then someone comes in with a finger just basically dangling on.
They're like, yeah, you guys have never worked a hard – Oh, that pinky? That pinky looks like it's been hitting the return button a lot. You know what's more alpha than that? Is giving somebody a handshake and not having a pinky.
Yes. At all.
Oh, we're going to get to that. Yeah.
You want to hop to that? Let's go. All right.
Let's go right to it. Hopping up.
All right. We're going to hop ahead.
So last year, we do a done chain. So this is a week that we're going to start done chaining some teams where they're officially done.
They're officially crossed off. They're not going to make the playoffs.
They're not going to win the Super Bowl. They're done.
Last year, I done chained the Houston Texans after week three and oh and three start and I said if the Texans win the Super Bowl I will cut off the tip of my pinky so it's from from the nail up so I have no nail I have a nub and now I got so addicted to that bet that I am going to do the same thing this year so I have a pinky team every every year. It's got to be a team that had playoff hopes, but has stumbled out of the gate.
And I thought there's no better team than the team that I cannot quit. So I am going to have, I'm going to have to put my pinky up so that I will stop betting on this team.
It's your Atlanta Falcons. The Atlanta Falcons are atlanta falcons are finished if the atlanta falcons win the super bowl this year i will cut off the tip of my pinky from the nail up and what are you going to do with your pinky with the nub after it's gone i'm going to put i'm going to probably tattoo the end of the nub something cool so i was just like what i like that yeah actually i'll probably tattoo the falcons Bowl ring.
How would you explain that to your child in the future? To be like, hey, listen, let me tell you a story about Matt Ryan and Julio Jones. Yeah, daddy lost a bet.
All sizzle, baby. You cannot stop that offense unless it's in the red zone.
Which, for this game, was just another perfect Atlanta Falcons game. I watched it all.
I bet on the Falcons. I cannot quit them.
I think they're going to be good every single week and every single week. Matt Ryan didn't even play bad, but he did the Matt Ryan.
They got to like the 28-yard line. He's like, hey, this seems like a good time to throw a pick and threw a pick.
Julio Jones was living wide open in the red zone all day today, and they went to him a few times. They didn't do the thing where they passed the ball a million times to Calvin Ridley I'm done with my other the other side of that coin is Jacoby Brissett had a 310 yard game that's probably the quietest if this if Jacoby Brissett played 15 years ago we would think he was an amazing quarterback like he's putting up stat lines that are he's good yes he's very very good but he's like quite good right it's like back when we were in college and and you could download a song in under three minutes but that that was amazing now it's like okay that's not bad but it's not good but he will he will within the next four weeks get his jacoby brissette like peace he'll be on the you know like you know sunday morning will have the sit-down interview.
Jeff Darlington will sit way too close to him in a huge facility. Maybe a Monday or Sunday night game where they talk about him nonstop.
Jacoby Brissett will definitely become the big piece of a game, a nationally televised game, and then you know what happens. We can talk about it, whether or not he's overrated.
And we can talk about if they're better without Andrew Luck, which we can already start to do. We've started to do that already.
Here's the thing about Andrew Luck. Mr.
Fourth Quarter, a lot of spectacular comebacks. Jacoby Brissett doesn't get his team in holes like Andrew Luck used to.
Yeah. No, but I'm saying once Jacoby Brissett gets that spotlight, that shine, because it will happen, then we can start saying he's actually overrated and everyone stops sucking his dick.
Right. Until the time when Bill Belichick presses the remote detonate button that he has on every player that used to be a Patriot to destroy a new locker room that he's in.
Until that point occurs, then the Indianapolis Colts are strong contenders to not fuck up the AFC South yeah so they're good I mean Jacoby Brissett's good the Colts are good the Falcons are an utter disappointment I will cut off the tip of my pinky if they win the Super Bowl I fucking hate them 16 penalties how's that even possible I don't know 16 Dan Quinn you should be ashamed of yourself kick more field goals dude. 16 is almost like an unrealistic amount of penalties.
That's like what the Raiders aspire to in their heyday. That's like Al Davis' wet dream.
He's like, I could only dream of having this much dirty laundry thrown over my field. Done with you, Falcons.
Done, Shane. Done with you.
Done, Shane. Okay.
So that's official. And now they'll probably win every single game.
Give me their upcoming schedule. Yeah, we need to talk about the entire schedule for the Falcons.
I'm sure they will definitely win at least three or four in a row and look awesome. And Julio Jones and Matt Ryan will do the whole thing.
Well, here's the thing. Tennessee, win.
Houston, win. Arizona, definitely win.
Oh, shit. And then Los Angeles and Seattle, New Orleans.
Well, here's the thing. They are definitely in the catbird seat of the NFC South because it's going to be them and the Saints if the Saints can continue to tread water for a while that's the thing they are in the NFC South because the NFC South is trash it's a big flaming pile of garbage don't sleep on Kyle Allen alright alright next game let's talk Jets Patriots fuck you Jared Stidham.
Fuck you, Jared Stidham. Yes, absolutely.
Fuck you. Fuck you, Jared Stidham.
And what we're talking about is the fact actually it's more Bill Belichick's fault because I don't. When did he start taking Tom Brady out? That was like the beginning of the fourth quarter, but he didn't take him out against the Dolphins when they're up 50.
This game was. Yeah, I mean, that's that's really what happened so the the patriots are minus 21 and the jets the patriots have not given up a touchdown on defense the the jets scored on a pick six which jared sidham obviously gave and was it a muff pun or something so gunner that was the only way that they were going to not cover that spread and jared sidham came out through the pick six i don't know why he was in the game but fuck you dude it sucked it was like when you're when you're beating somebody down madden and then you give your little brother the controller and you leave the room for a second and you're like give me that fucking back yeah give it back no celebrity shots jared sidham it's it's in the barstool headquarters we have a twitch stream that basically people play madden all the time and i've somehow convinced people that when when I come in, I get one guest play.
And I think I'm like 75% for throwing an interception on the guest play. I am the guy.
I am Jared. Never let, never let Jared sit him back.
Right. And now they've got the, the Patriots are going to have to deal with Julian Edelman.
He's kind of fucked up. Yep.
Josh Gordon is a little bit fucked up. You can have a rib jewels to Josh Gordon.
So will give you a rib. It helps the team, and it helps me because, you know.
Josh Gordon, I thought he for sure was going to be out of the game. He was tough as hell.
Did you see his quotes after? He was like, yeah, that's like, he likes playing hurt. He likes playing hurt so he can feel something.
There's something to be said for that. Like, feeling a little bit of pain feels good sometimes.
Okay. I will say, though, the Patri losing uh or giving up that touchdown was sad because i don't know if you guys were watching the broadcast but they kept showing it's been x number of days hours and minutes since the patriots left a touchdown and then like 20 minutes later they just added 20 minutes to the clock oh that sucks i'm sorry that's gone i'm sorry okay well let's talk about um something more obviously newsworthy the Patriots this last weekend.
Antonio Brown. Yep, cut by the Patriots.
Who? So, Hank, what would you like to say? I would like to say the Patriots made the right decision. By signing him.
No, but all that stuff that he did before was on other teams, and then once it was clear, they gave him a second chance. Well,ay simpson's a free agent it was clear that once his behaviors were still happening when he was assigned member of the patriots they cut him immediately which is all you can do okay so once you become a member of the patriots everything in your past is wiped clean no i mean do you guys not believe in second chances i believe in yeah second third fifth yeah whatever yeah yeah here's the.
But that's, I mean. Antonio Brown played us all like fiddles because now.
What he's getting, what he's like, the stuff that he's getting investigated for, there's been precedent set from years over the league of people playing under those same circumstances. It's not like the Patriots let Antonio Brown play.
It's a big massive plan. Once it was clear that he was doing fucking shady shit, as a member of the Patriots, they cut him.
Can't believe he did that. Yeah.
He should have destroyed his phone. Then it would have been fine.
Him going after Kraft. That was a mistake.
He did. Mr.
What did he say? He tweeted. He said different strokes for different folks.
Oh, I guess some people can get down like that. That is pretty funny.
That's good. And he went after Shannon Sharp.
Yeah, well, Shannon Sharp. So Shannon Sharp snitched on himself.
Well, yeah. Shannon Sharp is one of those guys like, why are you talking about anyone when you have a lot of skeletons in your closet, buddy? But Shannon Sharp, always the wordsmith, went with that picture where he called him Clowntonio Brown.
His last name rhymes with clown. Yeah.
His last name rhymes with clown gonna be i'm gonna be honest with you i like clown clown tonio clown tonio kind of pops to me literally antonio clown nah it rhymes clown tonio he thought he crushed that too he's like watch this clown tonio. Doesn't even make sense.
I don't mind that at all. I think Antonio Brown is one of these situations where he's been in the news, and yes, I was addicted to the Antonio Brown news cycle.
Yeah, do you feel a little dirty? No. Well, it's been like three days since, or I guess it's really only half a day since he tweeted.
But any real news about Antonio Brown has been like three days ago. Well, and he quit.
he didn't get fired he quit he quit he's done playing he quit the nfl play he's going to retire to start his lucrative helmet company yes i think he's going to get back to you but i think there's actually something wrong with him and i know and i didn't i didn't want to see him play this year because i i think that there's he's not well there's a darker side to all of this yes it's like feels a little i don't know what the hell is going happen with him, especially now that he's just, he quit the NFL. He just needs to drink more water and wear magnetic sleep clothes and stop eating tomatoes.
All right, so the beat goes on for the Patriots. Have not given up a touchdown, like I said.
I think it's the first time I read this, that first time a team's ever done that in the Super Bowl era where they went three games without giving up a touchdown. Not the era before that when I don't think they scored touchdowns.
Touchdowns are actually illegal. No forward passes.
Yeah. When the Packers won all their world championships.
Okay. So Raiders Vikings.
Yes. My Dunchain, by the way, is the Vikings.
Oh, what? Dunchaining them. How can you Dunchain? Off a win.
I'm dunchaining off a win. Two and one.
Because I got balls. That's why.
Okay. Because Kirk Cousins sucks.
I'm that confident. This was the ultimate Kirk Cousins game.
I could have told you going into it. They're playing the Raiders at home.
Kirk Cousins is not going to throw an interception. He's going to throw a touchdown.
He's going to look halfway decent. This is the Kirk Cousins game right here.
Well. So if the Vikings win the Super Bowl, you'll cut your pinky off pinky off.
No, he's not a pinky guy. I'm not a pinky guy.
No, we're just dun-chain. We dun-chain every week, Hank.
This is my first dun-chain of the year. This is a cocky dun-chain.
It's kind of making a mockery of the dun-chain. I think it's actually putting the dun-chain on a pedestal.
I'm respecting the dun-chain so much. So here's where I'll disagree.
The Kirk Cousins, I agree that Kirk Cousins stinks, and the goal, like we've said, is for the Vikings to pay Kirk Cousins to not throw the football. But Dalvin Cook is a monster.
He's very good. He is a monster.
The cookie monster. And they now have that identity where it's like we are going to run the ball and play defense and hope Kirk Cousins doesn't fuck up.
On the flip side, on the other side, the Raiders. I have a question for you, PFT.
This game was the first day of a 48-day road trip where the Raiders will not play at home. The circus isn't out.
They play at the Colts. They go to London to play the Bears.
They play the Packers and the Texans both on the road. Goddamn John Gruden in London is going to be amazing to watch.
So 48 days, right? So they're not going to be home for one, two, three, four. They call it a lift? Five weeks, four games.
Will Derek Carr be the starting quarterback when the Oakland Raiders play their next game in Oakland? And let me ask you this. I'll be a phrase of two ways.
There's the he could get benched or he could get very, very injured because their offensive line is still a very big problem and they can't run the ball and he's getting the shit kicked out well there's also the possibility that John Gruden leaves him over in London which I think I think he's going to get frustrated with him by then I think that there's a very good chance because he likes Peterman yeah John Gruden is a really big fan of the Peterman man and i i think that it's uh he's not he doesn't have any ties whatsoever to derrick carr he doesn't give a shit about derrick no he definitely actively hates derrick carr so i would say yes i think it's probably like a 33 40 chance that it's not derrick carr by the time they get back because did anybody actually watch this game the vikings raiders yes i did okay yeah i wasn't sure that they that they played it because I looked at the stat line. It was just so fucking boring.
Well, and then Derek Carr did the classic drive that meant nothing at the end to make his stats look halfway decent. If you looked at the box score, I think he threw 250 yards and two touchdowns at an interception.
75 yards came on that last – like 65 yards came on that that last touchdown drive so he really threw for like 170 yards and a touchdown and interception right the garbage time right the uh the marcus mariotta it's a nice little trick where you look at it you're like their car wasn't the problem but i mean his offensive line is terrible and the defense can't stop anything and the raiders are just not there so the worst thing that could happen to him is they have to then go play four games on the road, one of them being in London. Yeah, who are they playing against in London? They're playing the Bears.
The Bears in London. Yes.
I mean, they play two very good defenses in the Bears and the Packers, and they play two very good offenses in the Colts and the Texans. Jacoby said who he said.
So they're going to come back to Oakland one in six.

They're going to be banged up.

John Gruden might just stay in London getting into a staring contest with the Buckingham

Palace guard just looking at each other.

This guy's cracking me up.

It's going to be a long trip for them.

So I would say I'm going to say it.

Derek Carr will not be the starting quarterback for the Oakland Raiders when they play their

next game in Oakland.

All right.

So who does he go with Glennon or Peterman? Let's let's all hope Peterman. Let's all sit together and join hands and hope for Nathan Peterman.
Yes. Okay, a good game that we had on Sunday.
Ravens-Chiefs, maybe a playoff preview. Did you see that tweet? Who tweeted that? Bleacher Report tweeted that.
Bleacher Report said it was Lamar Jackson and Patrick Mahomes

high-fiving after the game and said,

see you in the AFC Championship game.

Huh.

As a Patriots fan, I was sick to my stomach.

This is the kind of stuff that pisses me off.

It's funny.

Well, so here is that.

Wait, wait.

I need to put myself better in a mindset of a Patriots fan.

So when I saw that as a diehard New England homer,

I was like, God damn it. This is more disrespect.
But to you, it was just like, ha, that's cute. Yeah.
Okay. Oh, you tickled.
You were tickled. So I'm not offended by it anymore.
Bemusement. I actually think it's funny.
Slight bemusement. If a player had said that, then we're...
Then it's vaulting board. Bleach Report's just being stupid.
Bleach Report's fucking clowns. If you think of it, Bleach Report is major clown Tony O'Browns.
Did you see the highlight, the LSU pancake highlight that they like... I don't know what they did to it, but they made the guy look like an actual pancake and they totally missed that the LSU offensive lineman had two pancakes in one play because they wanted to flex their sweet graphics designer.
It was pretty sweet. He entered the second dimension.
It looked very bad, injury-wise, to become an actual pancake.

He was so flat, Chris Collinsworth was getting the hard on.

Oh, geez.

Okay, so Ravens.

The Ravens, John Harbaugh knew this game.

Actually, we're joking about the playoff implications,

but he knew that you know the Patriots have probably the first seed. It's going to be Chiefs or Patriots first seed.
But the second seed in the home bye is going to be up in the air, and the way he coached that game, he coached it like it was a December game. They went for two three times.
They had the Justin Tucker hilarious drop kick, whatever the fuck that was. That was obviously late.
there was felt like a sense of urgency from the Ravens and their defense let them down and I don't know if you can even say that that's like when Patrick Mahomes only throws three touchdowns you can actually spin it to we kind of contain Patrick Mahomes but their defense got shredded I think Patrick Mahomes only threw one touchdown over 50 yards today which is a win which is a win for your defense if you can believe that how many uh did mitch throw last week just curious okay why are you doing this well your team is the reds i have one day i have one day left before my team embarrasses me on national you should be happy looking forward to tomorrow actually like today was probably the most fun i've had watching football in the last several years because i knew that my r words couldn't disappoint me. Here's the thing.
All the people out there, I see you. Every time I say anything about any quarterback, no matter what level of football I'm talking about, you reply, Mitch, he's better than Mitch.
So I'll be like, hey, check out this quarterback for Coastal Carolina. What an idiot.
Like, he's better than Mitch. Guess what? The joke's been made's been made and guess what yeah it still does hurt my feelings so so stop good job so stop doing it no but seriously like not having your team fuck up on oh yeah sunday is wonderful oh yeah i i was so free watching yes it's actually like a great week for redskins fans because tony wiley quit as vice president of communications for the team so we'll probably do some fucked up and stupid like hiring Antonio Brown to be in charge of media relations.
Did you see, by the way, Booger, our guy, but Booger, Booger needs to go to the tent because he said Bruce Allen's doing a good job with the team. So we got Booger and then Steven Jones got to go into the tent.
Get him in there fast. That's tough.
All right, so back to this game. Ravens Chiefs, Lamar Jackson, stunk to start electric in the fourth quarter.
I love it because it basically satiated both sides of Lamar Jackson Twitter. Yeah, you have enough material to work with no matter what your argument is, and that's all that you need.
And he's going to be dangerously confident going into the next game because he had those two throws which were across his body straight up in the air the wounded ducks that he threw that both somehow got got receptive uh so he's going to be very very confident in like those broken down plays and it's probably not going to work out well for him but he's still i thought he played pretty well in the second half yeah the fourth quarter he was electric i was electric. I mean, those, when Lamar runs, it is shades of like early Michael Vick

where there's no one else in the NFL who can do what he's doing.

You know what he reminds me of?

That movie Adam Sandler was in, not Boner Dogs,

but the one where he had the remote click.

Click.

Where he could, he could like pause and fast forward stuff.

They just ripped off Saved by the Bell.

Yeah, so in that Saved by the Bell episode, if that was Lamar Jackson,

he would just like pause it and then, or he'd fast forward it a second

while he stood still.

Defenders just didn't know where to go around him.

Thank you. Yeah, so in that Saved by the Bell episode, if that was Lamar Jackson, he would just pause it, or he'd fast-forward it a second while he stood still.
Defenders just didn't know where to go around him. They were moving while he was still.
He was moving while they were still. It was fun to watch.
Okay, next up we have Broncos-Packers. The Packers jerseys are fucking disgusting.
I don't care if you're a Packers fan. You have to admit they're gross.
Those are gross. As a team owner, I think that they serve a good...
This is so stupid that we go down every game and you're like, as a fan of this team... They serve a purpose.
They're so fucking ugly that nobody wants to get near them and tackle them. They're so gross.
It's bad. It is really bad.
The all yellow helmet, the piss helmet, is not a good look. And I think when they give Aaron Rodgers that piss helmet, they give him a larger size as a joke.
It's also not, I'm not like when the Steelers wear their bumblebees, those are gross. Throwback jerseys should be perfect.
They should be immaculate. They should be the jerseys everyone's like, oh, my God, I wish they wore these every single week.
And it should mean something. It should be like the Brett Favre jerseys when they win the Super Bowl.
Right. It should be.
I don't know if they've updated their jerseys. They haven't.

When you wear your throwbacks, everyone should be like, these are awesome.

Wearing bad throwbacks is completely pointless.

Well, the only part of those uniforms I like are the khaki pants.

So stupid.

This is time.

So stupid.

All right.

So the other thing I wrote down, Aaron Rodgers cheats.

He cheats.

He cheats. His little thing he does with the line of scrimmage where he always gets the guys off sides, I think it's cheating.
I don't think in the name of sportsmanship that quarterbacks should be trying to get the defense to go off sides like that. Well, what is he doing? Is he clapping his hands violently? No, he's just doing the hut, hut, hut.
A hard count. Yeah, and then he gets them every single time.
He literally scored a touchdown from it. Aaron Rodgers should not be allowed to do a hard count.
In the spirit of the game, PFT, you are deliberately trying to deceive your opponent. Do you think that that's something that we should be applauding in America? I don't.
Nope. I think if you're not cheating, you're not trying.
Welled. I'm just saying something to think about.
I have a quote for you from Emmanuel Sanders. We sit at 0-3 living in the world of suck.
That sucks. That would be awful, living in the world of suck.
And to be fair, the Broncos, dude, they're not even a fun 0-3. If you're going to be fun, at least be spectacularly bad.
Right. They're just like, we lose games 10-17 suck.
Right. Our defense is still pretty good, and Joe Flacco is barely a game manager, and we suck.
Yeah, they re-stubbed their toe really bad and step on a Lego every Sunday. And you know what's the worst part about the Broncos? John Elway's going to fire Vic Fangio.
After what? No, I don't think so. He's an idiot.
I don't think so. He's an idiot.
John Elway is an idiot. John Elway's an idiot.
He's a smooth idiot, but I don't think that he's going to fire Vic Fangio after one year. Yes.
Because Vic Fangio is the exact guy that is in no danger of having a quarterback surpass any of John Elway's records. No, John Elway is going to.
If you're a Broncos fan, tweet us your real thoughts about John Elway at this point. Is he at the point where he has, like, soured your memories of John Elway? This is actually a good...
John, no. John Elway...
This is a good life lesson, though. This is a good life lesson.
If you're going to suck as an owner or GM, do it with a different team than you played for. Like, Michael Jordan going and ruining the Hornets, that's smart.
No, it's hilarious. Right.
it's hilarious right it's funny like Derek Jeter ruining the Marlins that's funny that's that's something totally different if if you ruin the team you played for your fan base eventually is gonna be like hey it was awesome you were awesome you won two Super Bowls but dude you stink or John Elway is the kind of guy that he will be totally happy having a coach that is just bad enough for him to put all the blame in the world on.

He's going to keep them in quarterback health for a while.

I just want to hear from Broncos fans.

I want to hear where you're at on the, like, John Elway, you need to go away.

And I know they won the Super Bowl, but that was Peyton Manning kind of falling in their lap.

And they have not been able to find a quarterback.

They had a really good defense, too.

They traded for Joe Flacco.

He's going to fire Vic Fangio.

I don't know.

He's going to do it.

He's an idiot.

He's going to do it.

John Elway's going to spend the entire offseason looking for the next Joe Flacco.

So think about who the next Joe Flacco would be.

Like an old quarterback that used to be.

He's probably going to trade for Eli.

Let's be honest.

He's probably going to get Eli in there.

Probably going to get Big Ben in there.

Try to get that entire class of quarterbacks.

He's like, these guys won Super Bowl.

All right. that used to be he's probably going to trade for Eli let's be honest he's probably going to get Eli in there probably going to get Big Ben in there try to get that entire class of quarterbacks he's like these guys won Super Bowl one of these again yeah one of these four guys can do it yeah Matt Schaub yes Matt be the backup for all three of them absolutely like John Elway he's I don't think he's going to drive the franchise into the ground but he's going to make him very extremely eight and eight over the course of the next 40 years.
That is driving the Broncos into the ground because the Broncos sneaky are one of the most successful franchises in NFL history. Like they go years.
They went years without having back to back bad seasons. They don't, I think they're one of like three or four teams that has never had a first pick in the draft.
John Elway is already doing that. The Broncos actually meant something.
The Broncos were consistently good year in, year out. They're kind of like the Steelers in that respect where they may dip, but they don't dip hard.
And they're dipping hard right now. Yeah.
So I'm just saying. I'm asking for the feedback from Broncos fans.
Okay. Yeah, Broncos.
I will say, though, when Drew Locke comes back, he's probably going to get in for Joe Flacco. I would hope so.
You've got to at least give them something to root for. As an executive who is not very good at his job, John Elway can only say with a straight face that Joe Flacco is our future so many weeks without a win.
I think after like six or seven weeks, he'll be like, you know what, Drew's healthy. We're going to run the kid out there and see what he does.
Then they're does then they're gonna fuck him up and then eli's gonna come in next year yeah uh i'm holding on hope because the the packers offense still doesn't look like it works fully so i'm holding on hope but their defense it's bullshit they're winning with defense it's at that's another thing they're cheating with their defense the packers shouldn't be able to win with with the defense their defense is really really good that's both danny vitale had a great game too you get you get you get two hall of fame quarterbacks back to back in like a 30 year span so you never have to have bad quarterback play you shouldn't get to win with your defense that's that's cheating cheating the packers are going along with the hard count yes to go along with the fact that it's cold there in the playoffs right yes all these things yes uh dolphins cowboys Yes. Oh, wait.
Before we're gonna get right back to the show auto insurance can all seem the same until it comes time to use it so don't get stuck paying more for less coverage switch to usa auto insurance and you could start saving money in no time get a quote today restrictions apply all right back to part of my take. We're going to get right back to the show.
Auto insurance can all seem the same until it comes time to use it. So don't get stuck paying more for less coverage.
Switch to USAA auto insurance and you could start saving money in no time. Get a quote today.
Restrictions apply. USAA.
All right, back to part of my take. Dolphins, Cowboys.
Yes. I got a new thing we got to do.
Say something nice about the Dolphins. Every single week, we're going to say one nice thing about the Dolphins.
I have something. They held the Cowboys to 10 points in the first half.
That's pretty nice. That was nice.
They are adapting to their quarterback who has a problem with authority by giving him a head coach that commands none of it. There we go.
Their color rush uniforms were looking good. Candy ass.
No, they look good. They were kind of candy ass.
They don't become candy ass until they have to be in cold weather. It's funny because they actually look more candy ass when they're not covering the ass with a candy color.
Right. But it's just the top.
That's when it's more candy ass. But they did the color rush, and it was in Dallas, so it didn't look candy ass.
It's candy ass when they wear those teals or aqua in Buffalo in December. In the snow.
Then it's candy ass. Then it looks like they didn't want to get off the bus.
Right. It looks really bad.

Josh Rosen's stat line?

No, not really.

200 yards.

200 yards.

But he did go 18 for 39.

But still, that's much better.

The Taco-Charlton revenge game.

Yes. He had a sack.

Yes.

Good job, Taco.

There we go.

Taco Sunday.

Let's see.

Anything else?

Well, no.

They're not going to win seven games. Are you ready to admit that? I may have jumped the gun on that.
Listen, I need to come to reckoning with a take, and I think it's time to just accept it rather than keep fighting against it. The Dolphins will probably only win six.
And I admit I was wrong. There you go.
I'll be the bigger man in this situation. Seven games is a lot, And the AFC East is wide open.
Who do the Dolphins have on their schedule? Because I will they have like a 30 point spread? Doesn't matter who they have on their schedule. Well, I don't know.
It really doesn't matter. You're probably right.
Yeah, they might have a 30 point spread at some point this season because they just that was a 22 point spread in the Cowboys covered it. And Dolphins actually played I mean they weren't no they're terrible terrible they were better than the first two weeks they got rid of Minka Fitzpatrick who instantly made an impact for the Steelers like I'm talking huge impact on defense for them ah shit I wish they played like the Chiefs or something in Arrowhead that would have been been a 30 point spread.
No. Yeah.
At least. Yeah.
Okay. So the Cowboys are very good.
I don't know how good because it feels like so they played the they beat the Giants who they beat last week. Last week.
The Cowboys beat. I don't know.
Oh, the Redskins. That's right.
Yeah. They beat the Giants, the Redskins and the Dolphins.ins.
Not exactly. Eternal sunshine myself on that one.
Not exactly murderers row there of teams. Next week they're playing in the Dome against New Orleans.
I'm excited for that one. But Dallas, I think, is very, very good.
Kellen Moore is going to be the hot new name. Yeah, Kellen Moore is already, like, it's very clear that Jason Garrett needs to start looking for houses in different cities.
Or at least just, I don't know, maybe put some visine in Kellen Moore's water bottle before a game. Get him out of there so you can win a game easily with yourself.
Because Kellen Moore, they're doing crazy things like having Dak play action and having a nice run-pass balance and not running an eight-man box. It's like novel concepts that the Cowboys weren't able to grasp.
Kellen Moore has, and now they look like a next-level offense. No, it's kind of crazy.
So I want to put this out there in the tickler file for you. Mike Gundy taking an NFL job next year.
Kellen Moore, head coach, Oklahoma State Cowboys. I don't think Mike Gundy's ever leaving.

He's one of those lifers.

Now that T-Boone's gone.

No.

He's got nothing holding him down.

He's probably in T-Boone's will.

He needs to fly like a free bird of that mullet.

It's probably T-Boone's will was like,

here's like $10 million every year that Mike Gundy stays.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I don't know, man.

I think there's a good chance that Mike Gundy is going to go to maybe the Vikings. You're just making this up? Yeah, maybe Carolina.
This is just totally made up. I think that Gundy's wanted to go to the NFL for a while.
What? Based on what? Based on rumors and shit in the past. From who? I'm not going to give my sources up on these rumors.
I think Mike Gundy is not going to be a college lifer. Okay, so now we're making a bet that you can go for the next 30 years.
I'm just putting that in the file. Give us a definitive time frame.
I said it was the tickler file. Give us a definitive time frame.
I think that there's a lot of weird shit that's going to be going on at Oklahoma State. They're going to have to figure out who's being the behind-the-scenes warlord that's calling all the shots in Stillwater, and that this would be an exit time for Gundy if there ever was one.
The problem is Lincoln Riley is the hot name in the Big 12, so he's already hot Mike Gundy. He doesn't want to compete against Lincoln Riley.
No, no, no. Lincoln Riley is going to go to the NFL.
No, no, no. Lincoln Riley is staying in Oklahoma.
You're getting us all wrong. Mike Gundy is going to Houston.
Got it. The Texans.
Yes. Okay.
Or vikings or the panthers or the or the cowboys any one of these teams that doesn't have a current opening yes um haven't we done enough to oklahoma state when hank falsely tweeted that their star wide receiver was out for the season last year james connor yeah james washington washington that's like two or three years ago but to be fair there was a material change so at the time he was out for the season Then he got an MRI and he wasn't out He did go to the doctor's office What's up with Leroy's Jalen Ramsey and the Chiefs It still could happen Right but that was very premature It still could happen Listen Leroy's batting about 500 Which isn't bad for a blind dog But you like have people believing shit now Well that's their fault I can't control what they believe in Very dangerous. Leroy's batting about 500, which isn't bad for a blind dog.
But you have people believing shit now. Well, that's their fault.
It's dangerous. I can't control what they believe in.
It's very dangerous. Leroy's a very good boy, and he's gotten about 50% of his scoops right.
Very dangerous. And owned the Antonio, excuse me, Clantonio Brown.
Clantonio Brown. Yeah.
All right, Bengals-Bills. I don't know what to make of the Bengals' defense because it's schizophrenic.
It looked terrible last week, and then it looked actually good this week

and kept them in the game.

Josh Allen's legit.

And Frank Gore, he's 36 years old.

He's never going to stop.

I don't understand how.

Running backs shouldn't be playing at 30.

Frank Gore, this would be a take.

Frank Gore at his age is more impressive than Tom Brady at his age.

Oh, wow.

36 years old.

You shouldn't be running for five yards to carry in the NFL at 36 years old. Well, to be fair, that's not Frank Gore's style.
Like, this was a flashy game for Frank Gore. I know! Frank Gore's used to getting 3.1 yards a carry and probably still could be doing that when he's 45, 50 years old.
It's crazy, though. It is nuts.
So, good for Frank Gore. Josh Allen, I think, is the new Cam Newton, as we've been calling him.
He him. He is I think now on the Mount Rushmore of Bills quarterbacks.
Already? Jim Kelly, Kyle Orton Kyle Bowler Kyle Bowler and Andy Dalton T-Mobile. And Andy Dalton because Andy got him into the playoffs a couple years ago and he's doing the same again again this year.
So shout out Andy Dalton. Bills are making the playoffs, by the way.
I'm going to say it. Bills are winning 10 games.
The Bills, you're on a take machine right now. Do you disagree? I'd have to see them.
I want to see them next week because similar to the Cowboys, they played the Jets, the Giants, and the Bengals. So you have one in eight combined.
He's beaten the entire state of New Jersey and half of Ohio. Their defense fucks.
Their defense is awesome. I think it's going to be hard to make the playoffs in the AFC.
Although there's teams that are falling off. I mean, the Steelers sucking helps.
And the Chargers notgers not being able to get out of their own way. But, like, think about it.
The Colts. The Colts, the Texans, the Jaguars, the Ravens, the Browns.
Should I keep going? No. I still think the Bills are in there.
Okay. No, they'll be in the mix.
I'm putting Buffalo not on the hot seat, but I'm saying the spotlight is on the city of Buffalo this week because the Patriots are coming to town on Sunday. Sell all the dildos, all the folding tables.
I'm going to move to Buffalo during the week and open up a dildo and folding table store and retire a billionaire because that crowd is going to be insane. Was it New Era Field? Yeah.
New Era is going to just be filled with drunk, lovable morons. I actually i'm looking at their schedule right now i can get on the 10 win game uh bandwagon this i can get on it this is senior prom for buffalo this weekend two more against the dolphins that's easy boom boom well one of two that's five right it's patrick revenge again yeah no but i i'll get on that i'll get on board with that this this game next week three and overs three and-0 if the bills win this game i would guess it's the biggest win in bills since i don't know like 20 years 25 years i mean it's the biggest win in because they didn't win the playoff game that they were in almost beating the jaguars yeah but this no this would probably be the biggest game the biggest win they've had in like Two decades.
Yeah's gonna be big for sure um here's what's gonna happen flex it's a sunday night please yeah you flex it the monday night or sunday afternoon yeah it's sunday at one o'clock give us just madness too early i need i need the fans in buffalo to have a good solid 12 to 15 hours of pre-gaming before this one i love buffalo too because like the weather cities, when you have these hot games in September, you just look at the crowd and everyone is violently sunburned because they just can't. They should not be in the sun that long.
By halftime, there's sun poisoning in half the stadium. They look like Mike Shanahan and Tom Coughlin.
Just sweating way too much. Yeah, here's what I'm not looking forward to.
If they do lose to the Patriots, and it's a good chance that they do,

because this is what the New England Patriots do,

is they break people's hearts.

The word fraud is going to get tossed around.

And I'm preemptively disavowing the fraud talk.

I agree.

They're not frauds.

Yeah, I think the Bills will make the playoffs too.

I'll do it.

Okay.

We're in.

It's the reverse Dunshane. Hank is I'll do it.
Okay. We're in.

It's the reverse Dunshane.

Hank is just smiling at us, looking like we're idiots.

Fine, Hank.

You don't like Josh Allen?

I love Josh Allen.

I love Bills Mafia.

Should we go down the list of friends of the program, and you can say who you think is good and who's not?

Yeah.

Let's do it.

Okay.

Jared Goff.

Love him.

Can't get enough. Blake Portals.

Love him.

Jim Harbaugh.

To death.

Mitch Trubisky. Love him.
Patrick Mahomes. Love him.
Can't get enough. Blake Portals.
Love him. Jim Harbaugh.
To death. Mitch Trubisky.

Love him.

Patrick Mahomes.

Love him.

You love him?

Yeah.

Great guy.

Okay.

Who don't you love?

I love everyone.

I'm a loving guy.

Hmm.

It doesn't sound like...

The way that you were talking...

There's too much hate in this world.

The way you were talking before we started recording was interesting.

Hmm.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Hmm.

Uh, Panthers, Cardinals. Kyle Allen, are we going to do this? I think we need to establish some sort of rating for quarterbacks that you think are going to suck that don't suck as bad as you think they're going to suck.
Yeah. So it's like the moxie meter.
A new quarterback, you have to use the word moxie. Maybe it's the case meter.
Because remember that Case Keenum game when John Gruden was like audibly orgasming Monday Night Football? Like, this guy's a ninja, man. What about the casemometer? The casemometer.
The guy who you think is going to suck who actually comes in and does well. And doesn't suck as bad as you think he's going to suck.
Yes. I think he's at like...
of that ram's quarterback on the scale of dalton's because if you think about it going back to andy when he was a second round pick i think right or third rounder yes to cincinnati you thought he was gonna suck when he had all the intangibles of sucking right went to like a smaller school uh had the red hair that's basically it but everyone thought he was gonna suck and in. We're like, wow, this guy isn't that bad because he has A.J.
Green.

Yeah.

So on the case, casemometer, each degree should be measured in Dalton's.

Yeah, I like that.

So I think Kyle Allen gets on a scale of 10 Dalton's.

He gets a six in terms of his moxie.

Okay.

Six in terms of my, I got to find this Rams quarterback because it's, I mean,

Case Keenum obviously played for the Rams as well.

He's a quarterback. Austin Davis.
Okay remember Austin Davis yeah everyone's like Austin Davis and he wasn't that bad yeah he was bad but he wasn't that bad here's how you can tell if you have a quarterback that has moxie you would never say that a really good quarterback has moxie for example when Peyton Manning played in his rookie year you would never be like wow look at that guy's mox's moxie. Through the most interceptions ever? Well, you would never look at Tom Brady and say, Tom Brady plays with a lot of moxie.
He's above moxie. If you have moxie, it means I can see you potentially getting to and losing a wild card game.
Well, if you have moxie, you suck, but you're too dumb to realize you suck, which makes you good. You're surprising us all that you're actually good.
Right. Because you look kind of like a doofus.
You don't realize that you're actually not that talented. Yes.
So by sheer like stupidity, you become talented. So what we're saying is Kyle Allen.
It's kind of us. Kyle Allen.
We actually are a moxie podcast. Kyle, yeah.
We're too dumb to realize we shouldn't be doing this. I'm definitely pretty high on the Dalton scale in terms of a guy that looks like a huge idiot that sometimes will say something that's not a totally moronic thing to say.
And then other times I'll say things like the Buffalo Bills are going to win the Super Bowl. 10 wins.
10 wins. No, that actually was okay.
The Dolphins winning seven years. Mike Gundy is going to be the coach of the Carolina Panthers.
Sorry, throwing that out. Boy, will I have a good laugh if that happens next year.
It's 30 years. Okay, so with all that said about Kyle Allen, four touchdowns.
QB controversy? I think you got to see. Well, I'm going to wait to see what Cam's Instagram captures.
Did Cam wear an outfit for this game? Did he go? He definitely got a fit off. Ryan, I almost said Ryan Rivera.
Ron Rivera was so mad at his press conference when people kept on asking about Cam that he left the press conference area and then tried to walk out and then just kept on talking. Because you know those, the press conference rooms are surprisingly tiny.
So it's always so funny when a coach is like, this is over. And then he's standing in the corner and he's still very, very close to everyone.
Being like, I'm done talking about Cam. Let's talk about the game.
I think they actually have to, like, Cam Newton, as currently stated, is broken. We watched that Thursday night game.
He can't hit open receivers. He misses all types of throws kyle allen actually shows hey like greg olsen looked awesome today kyle allen was hitting open receivers he was throwing the ball and now it is the cardinals but unless cam newton is 100 100 i think it's kyle allen's job yeah no you have to keep him out until cam newton's foot or his shoulder shoulder or his ankle or his heart or his soul or whatever it is about Cam Newton.
Until he's fully healthy, I agree. It's Kyle Allen's.
So, and then on the other side of the ball or the other side of the sideline, Kyler Murray, that sucks, man. That offensive line is so bad.
Yeah. We were joking about it.
In the first half, he had 18 completions for 95 yards. Yeah.
That's a pretty good sign that you can't get anyone open past 10 yards because you're running for your life on every play. Even his passes are short.
That's what they say about him. He falls directly into the same category that Josh Rosen fell into last year, which is you can't judge him because he's on the Cardinals.
Right. And you can never say if somebody's good or not if they

play in Arizona. I'm going to say something nice

about Kyler Murray. This was the first week

that I didn't think he was shorter

than the week before. Okay.

He stayed consistent with his height from last

week. We're maintaining.
Still short. Yeah.

Yeah. We're maintaining.
But I did think

from week one to week two, I was like, he got shorter. He didn't look any

shorter this week, which is strong. Just wear taller cleats, Kyle.
Just go out there. One day, Kyler.
It's actually funny because his name is Kyle. And the other guy's name is Kyler.
And it's like, this guy's more Kyle than you are. Yeah.
Right. But then I think now we got to give Kyler to Alan.
Kyler. He's proved that he's more Kyle than Kyler.
I tell you, I definitely would have more belief in Kyler Allen. Kyler Allen, yeah.
And until another Kyle comes in and takes that R away from him, he gets to hold the title. Right.
Okay, so speaking of quarterbacks that are just dumb enough to not realize that they shouldn't be that good, Daniel Jones. Electric.
Daniel Jones was electric. and I really do think because the Giants offensive line is that bad but it takes a certain there's like two paths that rookie quarterbacks go when their offensive line is terrible one is they turtle and they're like this sucks the NFL sucks this is nowhere near what it was like in college where I could just hit wide open receivers.
The other side is Daniel Jones, where he's too dumb to realize how bad his offensive line is, and he's just out there making plays. Yeah.
Like, just making plays. The difference between Daniel Jones and Eli Manning was so fucking apparent when Daniel Jones scored two touchdowns running the ball, including the fourth down game-winning winning touchdown where I think Eli Manning would still be on the field trying to get his body moving forward to make that run yeah Daniel Jones doesn't take a self-sack like Eli does Daniel Jones he looks it's like the difference between an alive person and a dead person it was remarkable it is crazy seeing somebody that looks kind of like Eli Manning wearing that uniform that's able to run without falling down it's that it's fascinating he played really well uh he didn't have saquon which probably makes this even more yeah more impressive here's a fun little stat he's want to know when trailing by 18 or more eli manning is oh and 44 in games by sabermetrics does it if a Giants fan, aren't you mad that you started the season without Daniel Jones? Because the Giants aren't going to go to the playoffs, but you literally just gave away two games starting Eli Manning at the beginning of the season, and then you watched Daniel Jones go around and make plays and have this crazy comeback in the second half, and he looks good.
I think Daniel Jones pops harder because you got to see Eli just last week. I also want to give all Giants fans, because this is going to be something that everyone's going to throw out there, all the Giants fans reacting to Daniel Jones on draft night and saying it was the worst pick ever.
I'm going to say, pardon my take, as a podcast podcast we get to decide we're like the president we're the presidents of sports i'm gonna give us that title you should never czar i'd rather be oh czar sports stars sports are yeah yeah that's pretty cool that's pretty cool um you if you overreact to your team's draft pick you get a matter what. Draft night is all about overreaction.
Okay, so like Eagles fans, we forgive you for booing Donovan McNabb. Yeah, no, but I'm serious.
You should have booed him harder if you had known how bad he was going to suck. When your team makes a draft pick, those 24 hours, you should be allowed to either be – because none of us know how these guys are going to turn out so no matter if you're happy if you're sad both reactions are ridiculous knowing that you don't know so i'm saying giants fans you get a pardon in my eyes to like if you had a bad take about daniel jones as long as you've moved off that take after you watch a game like today you are completely absolved of all bad takes on draft night.
The best part about draft night is you are unable to have those players' jerseys to burn at that time. Right.
Because if you did, there would have been a shitload of Giants fans burning a Daniel Jones jersey that doesn't even exist yet. And you can't take that back.
Once you burn the jersey, that's final. No, you can.
You can buy it and then do the fake lighter and then the sorry Daniel Jones with the post-it note. I thought you were going to say matter is neither created nor destroyed.
He just becomes smoke that you inhale and he becomes a part of you at that point. But yeah, Daniel Jones looked really good.
He looks like in a live version of Eli Manning. Bruce Arians fucked up big time at the end with his kicker.
He let there about Tampa Bay, that stadium, and the kickers they've had that you can just close your eyes and just see missed field goals. It's like the heat.
The turf always feels wet. Anytime you're kicking footballs at a pirate ship, you can never really be 100% certain with your accuracy.
It's like, is this a football field? The games are always in the afternoons on sunday so they play the late games and i feel like that's missed field goal city you know like there's always more sabermetrics we've actually advanced stats of part of my take there's more missed field goals between six and seven p.m. than there are between three and four p.m.
that's true that's a fact that's a fact and That's a fact. It's also in Tampa.
In Arizona. It's in Tampa.
In Tampa. It's what?

The game started at 4.30. Yeah.
It's an elderly crowd. They're cranky because they're already late for dinner when you kick off.
They just want to get the hell out of there. Yeah.
Bruce Arians took a five-yard delay game penalty to back the kicker up more. Then Jameis went back even a couple extra yards to center it.
Yeah, that was the difference in the game was Jameis going right in between the hash marks

to take a knee,

backed it up about a yard and a half,

and if it was that yard closer...

So we can blame this on Jameis Winston.

We do have a reason to blame it.

Not just on Bruce Arians doing the Matthew McConaughey.

Sometimes you've got to go back to move forward.

Also, Jameis, I don't appreciate the fact that you actually looked good for a while on Sunday, throwing it all over the place to Mike Evans. I like my Jameis throwing hilarious interceptions and we can all make jokes.
Don't do that. Don't steal that from us.
Yeah, I'm blaming the Giants secondary for covering Mike Evans with Janoris Jenkins in man-to-man coverage. On the game-winning drive.
I think Mike Evans is seven inches taller than him. Insanity.
Listen, as a short guy, it doesn't matter how hard you try to jump if you're going up against a guy that's like 6'4 on a rebound. You're never going to get the ball.
You need some help, which actually, now that I think about it, I never really understood trying to double cover a guy that's a lot taller than you by putting a second short guy on him. That doesn't really address the problem.
You just get them. It's like when you have like two kids trying to sneak into the movie theater.
You put on a big coat and have them go on each other's shoulders. Okay, I got it.
That's what you're trying to do. Yeah, you put a trench coat on them.
Yes. And then you stack them and then they can get into Nara.
We're going to get right back back to the show the last thing you want to hear when you need your auto insurance most is a robot with countless irrelevant menu options which is why with usaa auto insurance you'll get great service that is easy and reliable all at the touch of a button get a quote today restrictions apply all right back to part of my take texans chargers. Yes.
I know we make this joke every Sunday, but the reason we do it is because it happens every single Sunday. We have watched the same Chargers game for the last 15 years.
Phillip Rivers trying to come back at the end of a game running backwards slinging the ball

downfield getting frustrated doing the what that face the gracious to petrus face looking up and

doing that face it is the most comfortable it's like your it's like your mom cooking your favorite

meal every sunday you know that sunday is about to end when philip rivers is running for his life

Thank you. It is the most comfortable.
It's like your mom cooking your favorite meal. Every Sunday, you know that Sunday is about to end when Phillip Rivers is running for his life down a score on the West Coast.
I'm going to miss it. I'm going to miss it when he's gone.
Let's just embrace it. We have it.
It's going to keep happening. Listen, the Chargers, this is no strange territory for them.
They start every season, like one and two. Yes.
One and three. In games they should win.
In games they should should win and then they come back and they end up with eight or nine wins and then everyone says oh the chargers are a much better team they're frisky they're much better team than their record says and then they get into the playoffs and they immediately revert to week one charge right because it's the start of a new season so they have to go back and lose some winnable games the you forgot is everyone gets injured too. Everyone also gets injured, but fortunately Melvin Gordon can't get injured when he's not playing.
Yeah, give us an update. So he's going to be fresh.
So right now the Chargers have collected $600,000 from Melvin Ingram. Melvin Gordon.
No, excuse me, Melvin Gordon, and they've paid Austin Eckler, I believe, $110,000. So the Chargers are fucking...
If the Chargers were a stonk, I'm buying stonks right now, like through the roof. This really is, though.
This was such a Chargers game. Up early, they look like their offense is humming.
They have one bad quarter where it feels like the whole team went to sleep, and then, boom, you snap your fingers and Phil Rivers is doing the Phil Rivers. It's like going to your favorite bar.
You go to your favorite bar. You just know that they're not going to change the menu.
The beer is always going to be the same. The drunk guy at the end of the bar is always going to be there.
That's the Chargers on Sunday. There's something comforting knowing that you will get the same thing every Sunday when the Chargers play in the afternoon time slot.
It's great. It's absolutely great, and I'm going to miss it.
On the other side of the ball, the Houston Texans. Does anybody actually know what Bill O'Brien does? What does he do? Does he actually try to get Deshaun Watson killed? Does he coach? Yeah.
Because when I watch sidelines, he's always he's got his play card in front of his mouth and he looks angrier. The more they're winning, I've noticed.
And then when they're losing, he's got the smirk on his face like, oh, I can't believe they're beating me. Bill O'Brien.
Bill O'Brien. Head coach Bill O'Brien.
This guy in a football game. Yeah.
I don't know what he does. I really don't understand.
He's a full-time GM. He's probably making front office decisions about the cost of popcorn or which future second-round pick he's going to trade away next.
I don't know what he does during a game. He doesn't seem like he's a strategy guy.
I'll tell you what he does. He's going to coach the Texans for another eight or nine years, and then he's going to get fired and everyone's going to say that yeah that probably makes sense and then there'll be the stats like Bill O'Brien won 90 games with the Texans like what he did oh that's pretty cool he is not a good coach but at the same time like he's gonna keep winning and the Texans have this actually until Mike Vang or until Mike Gundy takes his Mike Gundy.
This was a very impressive Texans win. And I now I'm not believing in the Chargers anymore.
I almost done chained him. No, don't.
No, you don't want to do that. You don't want to do that.
I'm so sick of the Chargers, like the hype Chargers. And I was the leader of it two years ago.
I'm done believing it because I just feel like I'm getting fooled. I might start believing in the Texans.
I might start believing in the Texans. I think that's a bad idea.
I don't know. I'm thinking about getting crazy like that.
You can't go from a pinky bet where you're going to circumcise your own hands to being the biggest cheerleader for a team. I'm not going to be the biggest cheerleader.
Don't be a fair weather fake fan. Everybody hates that guy.
I'm not going to be a cheerleader for the Texans. I'm saying.
How many teams are you going to say that you root for?

Scoring 20 unanswered second half points on the road.

I'm actually going to start believing that the Texans might be semi for real.

I think the Texans. Yeah, the Texans.

Again, that's as far as I'll go.

They're semi for real.

It's like the division that they're in could be anybody's game.

I don't think it's going to be the Titans until they make the move to Tannehill. I don't think that it's going to be...
Gardner Minshew? Gardner Minshew jury's still out on them. By the way, I feel bad for Baker because he kind of got swagger jacked by the whole Gardner Minshew thing.
Big time. Gardner is Baker if you put Baker in a pot and then boil them for a while and then let all the oh this is condensation

what's happening hank what as soon as we start talking gardener we just start going with just crazy descriptions no i'm just he's constantly he's gardener and help yourself he's evaporated we gardener's name comes up and now we're boiling baker mayfield put him in my freezer keep him there for three weeks

makes me want to skin

a larger woman and wear it

and then show everyone my

mangina freezer. Gardner Mayfield makes me want to skin a larger woman and wear it.

And then show everyone my mangina.

Yeah, maybe.

It makes me want to do that.

And collect some butterflies.

He's condensed Baker, is all that I'm saying.

He's a pure essence.

If Baker Mayfield, if I were to take Baker Mayfield and put him in a cauldron in my basement

and turn him into a cologne mixed with Eye of Newt and then bathe in him every day. That's Gardner.
And then make a lamp out of his mustache. Yes, that's Gardner.
That's what Gardner saw. I'd be pretty upset if I were.
Okay. Like Daniel Jones, if I were to compare him to Gardner, I would say that he's the antithesis of Gardner.
He's the vaccine to Gardner. What's the opposite of a Gardner? A bulldozer? A forest fire? Somebody that takes care of a garden? Dude, I've lost you so long ago on this one.
What's the opposite of somebody? Hank will know. Oh, a literal Gardner.
A cement layer. A cement layer.
A paver. A hungry rabbit.
A paver. A hungry rabbit digging up the carrots.
That's what Daniel Jones is. Okay, I'm done with my Gardner talk.
Okay. But congratulations.
Welcome aboard to the Texans bandwagon. One year after I'm changing.
I said the fact that I've gone to the lengths of saying they might be semi for real is the nicest thing I've ever said about the Texans. That's all you're getting Texans Steelers 49ers.
The Niners actually dominated this game, but turn the ball over a million times. It was five, but it was still it felt like a million times.
They were just every time they should have been up like two, three scores in the first half. And I don't know.
The Steelers just stink. Kyle Shanahan was running out of running backs to bench.
He was like every single person he would put in. Their fucking run game is so good.
He would put in somebody after one of the dudes would fumble, and then that guy would fumble and be like, fuck, I have to go back to the first guy again. This was all sweet justification, by the way, for Kyle Shanahan not running the ball in the Super Bowl.
He's like, that's what happens when you give the ball to a running back.

They just drop it.

But then when they threw it, Jimmy Garoppolo threw two picks.

But one and a half of those weren't his fault.

One and a half of those passes weren't his fault.

Yes, don't do anything.

So the 49ers, yeah, we're still not sure if they're good yet.

Are they good?

We don't know yet.

Are they good team of the week?

They might be.

We're sure they're good.

Read off their entire schedule. That was a joke.
Breaking news from Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh tweeted, this was their goodbye tweet on the night.
We're going back to Pittsburgh. Dude, that was their postgame tweet.
That's like, did you guys see San Jose State beat Arkansas in Arkansas? And Arkansas's official Twitter account just wrote, they were down, I think, 17 at halftime. Arkansas's Twitter account just said, halftime in Fayetteville.
No score. No score, yeah.
That's a common occurrence. Some of them in monitoring.
I think teams are now required to tweet after the first quarter, after the first half, at the end of the games, and when their team's getting smoked, they either don't tweet the score. It's very funny.
Or they tweet something that's very like, this is the score. How many people in Arkansas even have Twitter? Don't reply if you actually live in Arkansas.
Oh, no, Chase. Yeah, that's right.
The guy who tried to burn me on Twitter. Your buddy Chase lives in Arkansas.
Arkansas is a state that should stick to message boards. Yes.
Your state constitution is written on hogville.net. Yeah.
Like, this is not a state for Twitter accounts. Pittsburgh.
I don't know what Pittsburgh was doing. They're just like, Hey, we're going back to Pittsburgh.
That's all we have to say. Um, it was, that's, that's the most exciting thing.
I guess that they could have tweeted today because Mason Rudolph has zero moxie. Yes.
No Dalton's. I award, sir, sir.
I award you negative one Dalton on the day to Mason Rudolph, big time. D face.
Circle that. Okay.
Dumb face quarterback. I took one look at him.
All the scouting I needed to do. Just his face is too big and it's dumb.
So we did learn some lessons from Big Ben. Yeah, you can't.
Yeah, right. Exactly.
You can't win with that face. No offense to Mason Rudolph.
He seemed like a nice guy. Bad face.
Can't win with that face. Bad winning face.
No, you know that face. I do know that face.
What are his skull measurements? He's probably like a size 8 3 quarters. Jesus Christ, that's big.
Yeah, yeah. By the way, we didn't...
He just went right over... This kid on Twitter named Chase tried to roast me, and I just roasted him back because his name's Chase.
And we realized that if your name is Chase... What did he say to you? He said, my mom was a...
No, what did he say? My mom was desperation because I said Freddie Kitchens was just desperate on his last calls. And I said, we shouldn't talk about our mother's decision-making when your name is Chase.
And we realized that Chase, we listed the things that Chase's can do. It's essentially SEC quarterback and NASCAR driver.
That's it. That's it.
That's it. Could you imagine walking? Yeah.
But could you imagine being like, here's my doctor. His name is Chase.
Fishing commentator. Yeah.
Yeah. He could be a production.
He could be a big mouth bass competitor. He could be a competitor turned analyst.
Yes. A production assistant for Bill Dance's cooking challenge.
Yeah. Or the fishing thing that he does.
Oh, yeah, that's true. There are millennial chases.
You're right. So it's essentially if you're 25 to 40 and your name is Chase, I don't know what line of profession you're in.
Just change your name. Sorry.
Sorry. Yeah.
Sorry. Sorry.
Tell us all the chases. We're not trying to bash you, but tell us what you do so we can change the perception of chase.
I feel like chase could be a guy that is starting to get an airbrushing company off the ground. But like, so, so like if you're, if you're trying, like if you go into, like, a financial advisor, like, you'd want to talk about, you know, how to plan for the future.
Yeah, dude. JPMorgan Chase.
Oh, that's true. That's a bank.
But if the guy was like, hey, what's up, guys? I'm Chase. Chevy Chase.
I'm walking out. Yeah.
Now, I'm not shaking a person's hand named Chase. And I'm not saying this to disparage any chases because I'll dap up a Chase.
I'll pound the rock on a Chase all day long. Me and Chase will do the head nod thing.
Yeah. I'll have a special little slappy thing that I do with a Chase but I'm not doing a handshake.
Shaking a hand of a Chase has never been done. Chase, good to see you again.
Let's conduct business. Yeah, hi Chase.
Good to see you. Yeah, Chase doesn't close many deals.
Yeah, no. That's not you.
No. Chase, good to see you again.
Let's conduct business. Yeah.
Hi, Chase. Good to see you.
Yeah. Chase doesn't close many

deals. Yeah.
No, that's not

you. No, Chase.

No. Yeah.

Okay. Sorry.
There's

gonna be so many Chases that will wake up

and listen to this. But what the fuck did I do

to these guys on your way into your job

as a guy that refinishes

pool tables? I apologize

if you're having to listen. I know it's an early morning for you tomorrow.
You're doing fine. Everything will be good.
Chase, listen, man. At the Pimp My Ride auto shop you work at, we're not trying to...
I'm sure you put... Don't talk shit about auto workers.
No, I'm not. It's custom.
Okay. Not the regular, like, I need my car fixed.
I'm talking the custom rims. That's a chase job.
Auto detailing. Yes.
But only from the hours of 8 to 10 because from 10 to 7. He's got to smoke a lot of weed.
You got to get fucking high. Just chill out.
Okay. Oh, man.
Calls his vape, his rig. Yeah.
No, he does. He does because it's it's better

he actually put money

into it

he's got a

he's got a monogram

he's invested in his rig

he's got a monogram

vape rig

dude

but it doesn't have

his last name on it

it's just a giant C

he's like

he's

he's definitely

had the conversation

like yo

once I get my paycheck

next month

I'm gonna really

upgrade my rig

yeah

no I'm gonna put the trim on it like yo, yo, you like my rig now? Wait till you see the finished product when I actually have a little cash to put in. Got a few extra hours this week.
Chase has nine different Calvin pissing bumper stickers on the back of his car. Oh, truck nuts for sure.
They're all of competing brands of truck against his preferred brand of truck that he doesn't own. Oh, fuck.
He owns a Toyota and then has like a Made in America bumper sticker. Yeah.
No, he's driving in like a 1996 Tacoma. Yeah.
But it's got the manual transmission on it, so it's got a little bit more pick me up. Fuck off-roading, dude.
Yeah, so he's got the Tacvin pissing on chevy bumper stickers he's like yeah i'm gonna get a ford oh shit all right sorry chase fuck i mean there are some chases that we really just roasted that was part of my chase yeah part of my chase okay chase daniel chase daniel good guy but he's an sec quarterback quarterback and he definitely drives a tacoma yes uh okay last game mud flaps on the single tires they're like very small tires with huge mud flaps with the naked women laying down on their sides on them yeah ask ask grass or uh what is it ask gas or grass no one rides for free but he's on chase's bike he's only got a Vespa he's only he's never got an ass or grass for it. I'll put you that way.
Yeah. All right.
Last game. Saints-Seahawks.
This is why you pay a backup quarterback. This is why you pay a backup quarterback.
Teddy. Teddy two gloves.
Teddy big dick. Now, he got spotted 14 points on a fumble recovery and a punt return.
But he played nice on the road in Seattle. and the saints are going to be kept afloat in a division that is very winnable considering who else is in it so credit to the saints for actually having like some foresight like hey maybe we should have a legit backup for this guy not dumb face mason rudolph also seattle what the hell were you doing not pumping in more crowd music like This is the one time that you get to play a team, the Saints, that the NFL will absolutely not penalize you for cheating against.
You should have been playing crowd noise at an insane volume today. I know they always say it's loud up there.
People forget they designed the stadium to trap the noise inside of it. This was the game where you should have cheated more.
Pete Carroll got drilled in the face with a football. It's either that he got...
I have my suspicions because he competes in a division against some very hot coaches. I think one of them was like, this guy's got the DILF thing going on.
The rugged look? I need to marsha, marsha, marsha him and hit him in the face with a football and break his nose. He was chomping so hard in the first quarter on his gum I would do they were in trouble just you really can like if you if you are a sharp better in Vegas you can make a model based on how hard Pete Carroll is chomping his gum and then just fade the Seahawks if he's going crazy on that thing it's probably he's probably on Adderall I mean considering their history yeah the seattle pharmacy hawks yes is what we call them yeah it's also possible he broke his nose by chewing his gum too hard yeah i could i wouldn't put that pat past old pete every time he chomped there was like a little blood squirted out yeah oh that'd be nice wouldn't it yeah yeah i have a little fun stat here you ready yes give it to me it's from a friend of the program danny kelly he said every bird team lost this week whoa are you listed a bunch of bird teams and i Kelly.
He said every bird team lost this week. Whoa.
He listed a bunch of bird teams, and I think it's every bird team lost this week. So birds are on the hot seat.
There's an article. Should we princess it real quick? Cardinals lost.
Ravens lost. Eagles.
Eagles lost. Seahawks.
Seahawks lost. Falcons.
Falcons. Are done.
Any other bird teams that we missed? Jets. It's a big bird.
Sully flew into it. Yeah.
Is that you? I think that's it. I think that does it for the bird teams.
No way. I thought it was you.
I also loved how the Saints – I thought the biggest question going into this game was, will the Saints be able to run the ball,

Alvin Kamara be able to do his thing without the threat of Drew Brees

being able to stretch the field, and Alvin Kamara,

they just rode him, and he was awesome.

He had like 150 yards rushing in, receiving in two touchdowns.

I'm mad at the Seahawks.

I'm big mad at the Seahawks.

Why?

Because every time I see the defense, I just think that it's 2014.

And I'm like, that defense is awesome. And then when they're not awesome, I feel like I'm wrong.
And that can't be correct. I can't be wrong in all this.
Seahawks also one of very few teams in the NFL where their road jerseys might be better than their home jerseys. I know the black at home is cool.
But something about the white and the gold, it just looks, I don't know, it looks cool. It's a cool look.
You know what it is? When you see that little tiny, tiny bit of neon green on that home jersey, you want more of it. Wait, on what? The Seahawks.
No, no, I'm talking about the Saints. Oh, you're talking about Seahawks.
Oh, I said Seahawks. My bad, my bad.
I meant Saints. Okay.
Saints, because then I described the described the saint jersey the saints jerseys road jersey i think i might like more than their home jersey i like the all white that's what i'm saying yeah all white yeah all white is sick all white is sick with like the gold numbers on it um okay so that was our recap that was a great recap i fucking love no guest monday i'm just gonna say it boys i love you guys uh let's talk a little college football before we do who's back and then a couple segments to wrap up the show. College football is Jim Harbaugh in the hot seat.
I say this with all due respect for our friend, Coach Jim Harbaugh. He's our guy.
He's our guy. He got out Harbaughed.
He tried to do the thing where he turns Michigan into a spread offense, and then he ran into his ideal football team in Wisconsin. And he was just – every time the camera cut to him on the sideline, he was just staring out at the field wishing that that was the offense that he was running, just hands on his knees, looking at nine fullbacks, a center, and a quarterback, and saying, God damn it damn it this is what i want to do but people said i needed to pass the ball and now i'm getting my ass kicked by myself right we bullied them yes we bullied the fuck out of michigan it was there's one thing to be beat when like an air raid team beats you and just throws it all over the yard when when you just go man-on-man and just run the ball down a team's throat, there's something primal about it.
What Wisconsin did to Michigan, it was primal. Yeah, just dude on dude.
We just fucked them up. We just skull-fucked them.
Man-on-man. But I think Jim Harbaugh is going to go to the NFL in the next couple years because I don't know what happened, but his teams just don't look like Jim Harbaugh teams anymore.
He's lost the juice that was like his defining quality of having those tough teams, the Stanford team that beat the shit out of a more, a way better USC team, the, you know, the 49ers teams that would always play really, really defense and even the even the Michigan teams that he had the first couple years I honestly think that 2016 loss the JT Barrett game when they had the inch wrong and whatever parallax angle I think something ended there like that was kind of the end of what Jim Harbaugh was and he's got to refine it-find it. Because I know he's a good coach, and now, obviously, people will swarm on him because he is a lightning rod and a guy that people like to talk about, and I don't think that he's just lost his ability to coach.
He's just lost something. Like, the essence of Jim Harbaugh feels like it's gone.
He feels like he's cheating on himself by running this type of offense. And even his fullback, Ben Mason, low man trophy inaugural award winner, got switched up to playing defensive line.
Then they gave him, was that his first carry of the year? And he fumbled right away. Yeah, because he hasn't had the reps on it or whatever.
But I agree with you. I think that Harbaugh is going to the NFL at some point.
I think my prediction, the Redskins are going to throw a shitload of money at him this offseason. So we can finally get to see Dwayne Haskins lose up close.
So he can coach them for a while. Yeah.
I wouldn't be surprised if you, Jim, I like you. And because I like you, I want to keep you as far away from Washington as possible.
Yeah. Don't do that.
For you. The other good news for everyone listening right now,

I've officially got my hopes up for the Wisconsin Badgers season.

So we all know how that will end.

That's going to be great.

As I sit here right now,

I think they're the best team in the country.

I like that.

I like that.

Paul Chris,

though,

does run like the,

the quintessential Jim Harbaugh.

He says,

I'll see your khakis.

I'll raise you a sweatshirt.

There is something to be said about having an identity. Wisconsin will never win a national title.
They will never have the best athletes. But they will always do the same thing, and they will do that thing better than everyone else.
And as long as they don't run into the elite, elite teams that have way better athletes, they can win most of their games. And it's comforting knowing, yeah, we'll probably just go to the fucking, I don't know if you saw, I tweeted that picture, back-to-back Capital One Bowl champs, a little bit of a dynasty, but there's something comforting knowing, hey, Capital One Bowl, that shit's ours.
Yeah. Dibs.
You have a niche. Dibs.
And that's great. So who are you going to play in the Big Ten championship game? Ohio State.
It'll be our second crack at them, and then we'll beat them twice, I think. Okay.
So good. So dominance and then national championship.
Yes. Okay.
Yeah. It's on.
Also, on the other side of things, down south in the SEC. Yes.
We are on a crash course for LSU Alabama. Yep.
November 9th? Yep. I believe.
Hopefully can score a touchdown PSA. If you're getting married on November 9th and you live anywhere below, let's say Kentucky, you need to, you need to cancel your wedding right now.
Yeah. Because your wedding will be cursed.
Yeah. You actually have it and you keep people from being happy and watching football on that day.

Yeah.

Yeah, I agree.

Your marriage will not last for three years if you get married on that day.

The other big SEC game, Georgia.

Actually, Notre Dame was a lot more impressive than I thought

because I thought they were going to get the shit kicked out of them.

Georgia fans and that night crowd,

the thing they did with the lights where it looked like hell. The entire stadium turned red.
It was like bulldog hell. Mm-hmm.
It was awesome. Mm-hmm.
That was so sick. It was intense.
Yeah. How bad? It was just someone who was just, I think it was just one guy who was standing in the basement just flicking the lights.
How bad do you think Ugga was scared during all that? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Dogs are colorblind. And then, dude, could you imagine? I mean, if you're a student at Georgia and you don't go to the games with the wrestling, like the linebacker pads with the wrestling spikes on them, what the fuck are you doing? That's the coolest look in the world.
It's a good point. It's a good point.
Yeah. If you're the guy that goes to the game, if you're wearing a polo shirt and you're a student going to a Georgia game, you're not going to suck in your face that night you see Kirby smart without a hat on how much sex do you think is happening between two people that are in full makeup with pads on a lot after that a lot that's pretty odd that's metal as fuck yes it is did you see Kirby smart without his visor on on game day it looks strange it looks strange he looks like he looked like uh looks like Chase's dad he does look like chase Chase's dad.
He looks like the accountant for a church. Like not the actual, you know, he's not an actual priest or the head of the church.
He's like the president of the church. And he just, I don't know what it was, but him without a visor, he should never take that.
It's kind of like Doug Peterson. Some guys, once you commit to the visor life, don't ever take it off.

Yeah.

Because everyone will be shocked.

Yeah, without the visor, he definitely gives off the aura of a marshal on a golf course that doesn't do his job.

Yes.

It just lets everybody play super slow.

So weird.

Okay, let's do some.

Also, Mike Leach.

That was a crazy Pac-12 game.

I don't know what the fuck happened.

The world was asleep.

Mike Leach hates running the ball so much.

Even when he's up by 30 points, he doesn't have a handoff in the playbook.

Someone asked because... I don't know what the fuck happened.
The world was asleep. Mike Leach hates running the ball so much.

Even when he's up by 30 points, he doesn't have a handoff in the playbook.

Someone asked because Dana had a similar.

Yeah, that Tulane game was crazy.

But Mike Leach.

Is this our problem?

I don't know.

But Mike Leach.

The Pac-12 just cannibalizes itself.

The Pac-12 every year, no matter what, there'll be a Friday and a late Saturday night game where the perceived best teams will lose to just like junk. Yeah.
And then we'll be sitting here in November trying to figure out who's in the college football playoff. But what about a team from the Pac-12 like, oh, no, actually their best team lost to Cal and Arizona State for no reason.
I just I just realized right now I'm not worried anymore about Jim Harbaugh getting corrupted by Dan Snyder

because Snyder's definitely going to throw like $50 million at Chip Kelly.

That's how all this ends.

Bring him back.

The Chip era.

All right, let's do who's back of the week.

Before we do that, PFT, you got something for us?

We're going to get right back to the show.

The last thing you want to hear when you need your auto insurance most is a robot with countless irrelevant menu options, which is why with USAA Auto Insurance you'll get great service that is easy and reliable all at the touch of a button. Get a quote today.
Restrictions apply. USAA! Alright, back to part of my take.
Okay, uh, who's back of the week? Hank, go.

My who's back of the week is Kevin Durant on his burner account.

Oh, yeah?

Magic Johnson was on first take on Friday,

and they talked about Kevin Durant,

and they tweeted, or someone just tweeted the clip.

It said, at Magic Johnson, good take on at Katie Trey's comments.

Kevin Durant commented from his regular account and just said horrible take just regurgitated bullshit and then deleted it oh so he's like there's levels to this now he's created many different characters amongst his burner account i like that i like that there's a whole different universe of internet commenters living inside kevin durant's head i don't get why just doesn't stick like just just don't delete it yeah or come on the podcast yeah one or the other i fucking love that so he's got like one burner account that he uses to report he probably has a first take one a first things first one yep yep part of my take one yeah but he's like setting himself up where he comments and he says hey that was a great take way to stick it to kevin durant and then another burner account the good one commenting on the bad ones takes i love this i hope he's okay but i love this yeah he's he's definitely in the point of no return of burner accounts he's just too deep kevin instead of doing this just set up a sock puppet theater in your living room and just videotape it and then just get all your emotions out between the two puppets. No, no, no.
Keep going. I'm Skip Bayless.
And this is my wife, Ernestine. And we both think that Kevin is dookie.
Kevin Durant. No, Drip Bayless, dude.
Drip Bayless, excuse me. Drip Bayless, America's sex symbol.
Kevin Durant. Drip for Ernestine.
Oh, geez, dude. She's getting it tonight.
No, it's a Sunday. They're in different rooms tonight.
That's true tonight That's true That is They're not Yeah they're not sleeping In the same bedroom He's gotta get up For undisputed Kevin Rich Just needs to keep going Because eventually He will just like Own all the Twitter accounts So he's just talking to himself Just get them all He has 100% of the Twitter accounts Kevin Durant is gonna Make a shitload of money Because he's gonna have Every single Twitter combination of Twitter handles. Right.
And then he can sell them off for profit. Yes, yes, exactly.
All right, is that it? Yeah, I mean, my other ones was Bill's Mafia, but we kind of talked about that earlier. Yes.
This is your week, Bill's Mafia. This is their week.
This is 100%. I hereby give the city of Buffalo off work on Friday.
I think if they flexed it to 8 o'clock, they wouldn't make it. No, they can't because it's too early in the season.

But yeah, they're not flexing it because they can't.

No, but I'm saying, no, they're saying they can't.

No, they literally cannot.

Flex schedule doesn't start until.

That's what they say.

Because it's the Patriots and they don't want the Patriots in time.

The NFL says that.

The flex schedule doesn't start until later in the season.

That's what they want you to believe. Yeah, exactly.
Because they're keeping the Patriots down. Precisely.
I can't. All right.
PFT, what do you got? My first who's back of the week is diss tracks. Diss tracks are back in a big way.
We've been talking about it for a while. My diss track on Drake is coming at the end of this episode.
Oh, shit You're just, you're, you're, you're drizzy. My drizzy, drizzy diss.
My jizzy on drizzy is nice. And listen, I'm doing the, the, the hand, the tattoo of the hands praying together.
Yep. This is me for Drake right now.
Praying for you, son. Oh, bless up because, uh, this is a pretty fire track and, um, shout out to Hank for recording it.
Dropped. We laid down the wax last week Nice And so yeah it's good So you think he's going to clap back? I don't think he's got it It's not just on Twitter You got to go on his Instagram comments Oh my god oh my god PFT owned your ass You're dead Yeah At PFT commenter Put you in a Locked you in a cage Bitch At Henlockwood too Henry Lockwood one.
Yeah. Because he's verified now.
Shout out to the AWL that got me verified by that. Yeah.
Shout out. Shout out my hero.
Now he can slide in everyone's DMs. If Drake's hearing this it's already too late because I fucking own him.
My guy Doug. Doug.
Big Dougie. Doug would work at Twitter.
We're on a name kick. We gotta stop.
Not Twitter. Fuck Twitter.
I'm never getting verified on Instagram. Yeah.
I mean, on Twitter, yeah. What's Drake's real name? Audrey.
Yeah. Audrey.
Man, I wish I knew that. All sorts of stuff that you can rhyme with Audrey.
Aubrey. I feel like you...
Are you shitting me? His name's Aubrey? Your Drake take was one of those ones you just said, and I think you don't even, like... Dude.
You just said it. Wait till you hear the venom in these bars.
But it's just like... Welcome to life, man.
Sometimes you say shit and then you paint yourself into a corner and then you can't get out. You're like Mike Gundy.
Then you can't get out of it until you drop a disc to track on it. Okay, what else? My other who's back of the week is Perry Ellis because he got hired by Kansas to be an assistant there.
Perfect. And he's finishing his undergrad degree at Kansas.

Perry Ellis, the guy that played at Kansas for seven years.

He didn't do it?

Didn't finish his undergrad degree.

Come on.

So he's going back and he's getting his undergrad degree.

Good for him.

Listen, we're a pro-education podcast.

Hell yeah, we are.

We are.

Good for you.

I'm a big fan of yours, Perry.

Half of the podcast didn't finish college.

But we are pro-education.

We are.

We're pro do anything that you want in Lawrence, Kansas.

Yeah.

Uh,

I'm sorry. you i'm a big fan of yours perry half of the podcast didn't finish college but we are pro education we are we're pro do anything that you want yes in lawrence kansas yeah uh and so he's going back there just in time for bill self to be fired for massive ncaa violations where he can take over the program as a podcast we average a half of a bachelor degree that's pretty good that's right that's pretty good um all right my who's back i.
First is nostalgia. Went back to Madison this weekend.
Nostalgia fucking sucks, man. When you just go back to your college and you're just like, yep, I wish I was 21 again.
So this sucks. And just seeing like all these kids.
Yeah. You guys know going back to your college.
Yep. Yeah.
Nostalgia just sucks. It's basically poison for your brain.
It's rat poison. It poison it really is it's rat poison I was happy to be back Madison is the best college town in the world but it was also seems like just yesterday the whole time I was just like damn sucks time how does it work there's also something where you're walking around a college campus at 8am, 9am and the air smells like stale beer just from everywhere it's the best the entire town smells like stale beer and you're walking around a college campus at 8 a.m., 9 a.m., and the air smells like stale beer just from everywhere.
Oh, it's the best. The entire town smells like stale beer, and you're like, man, I really wish this was my life.
I mean, I don't really drink much anymore, but when I was back, the beers just went down so smoothly, so cold, so delicious. Yes, it was awesome.
Crisp Bud Lights. You know what's wild to think about is 20 years from years from now.
You're going to look back at this moment. And be like, damn, that was awesome.
When the whole room smelled like monsters. I had all five fingers.
Yeah. All 10 fingers.
Oh, you cut your finger off too? No, I'm talking about you. Oh, okay.
All right. Also nostalgia.
So my other who's back, similar to nostalgia. The nostalgia for the Cubs being miserable and sucking.
So Cubs are not going to make the playoffs for the first time since 2014. They're out? No, they're not out.
Okay, shut up. They were so embarrassing this weekend.
People want to dance on my grave, and yeah, you can go ahead and do it because they were a joke.

And Joe Maddon just managed his last game at Wrigley.

So, actually, if Leroy wants to break that right now,

Joe Maddon out as Cubs manager after the season.

You're saying that?

Yes.

What's your source?

Me, my brain. I'm giving you a little behind the scenes on how Leroy works.

Yeah, yeah.

I say, who's your source?

My brain.

Okay, good enough for him. There we go.

So, breaking news. Leroy's

going to tweet that out. You're hearing it right now for the first time.

Are you going to follow him? I follow him.

Okay. I

definitely follow him. I get about a message

or two a day saying, how come Big Cat doesn't

follow Leroy? On Instagram? Is that the worst?

No, no, no. On Twitter.

I'm pretty sure I follow him on Twitter.

I don't know if I follow him on Instagram. Breaking news.
According to sources close to me. Pardon my take.
Me, parentheses, Leroy. Joe Maddon will not return as manager of the tubs.
He doesn't follow me. He only follows one person.
Oh follows a dog. He follows a hot.
All right, yeah, Joe Mad's out. The Cubs stink.
They need a shakeup. You can't get swept at home by the Cardinals.
It was fucking, it's just the most frustrating year because they're not bad, but they are bad. I'm done.
The man who brought in a magician pulls a final disappearing act he's out bark there you go bark bark one find this rough collie account yeah the last yeah it's good looking collie yeah it is um all right so yeah the cubs suck i don't know what else I can say about that. So here's what you can say about that, because they won you a fucking World Series.
Yeah, no, they did. But also, I'm about to take away your Cubs pinstripes, because you're being— You're not mathematically out? They're not mathematically out yet.
The Natties, Nattitude's back, but there's still eight games left. No, Joe Maddon is going to be the most successful manager in manager in cubs history you won a world series but when you have the talent they have and the way when you lose four games at home to your rival and you also lose two games to the reds and the and the seasons on the line you gotta have a little more fight than that so it was it was a a bad season up and down and uh yeah i don't know what else they did.
They just puttered and fucking fell on their face down the finish line. So who's going to be the GM? The manager? No, you're sticking with Theo? Yeah, well, Theo's the president of baseball ops.
Jed Hoyer's the GM. Couldn't you blame Theo for all this? I think David Ross can be the new manager if you want to do that too with Leroy.
No. Leroy doesn't traffic in speculation.
Yeah, I mean, this is also my brain. David Ross is the new manager.
Not Ryan Sandberg. No, he's not.
Whatever happened to Ryan? He already got passed up the first time. What happened to Ryan? Because he was one of those guys that I was like, either Mark Grace or Ryan Sandberg should be the manager of the Cubs.
He grinded his ass off in minor leagues. And then there's like, uh, actually not.
Um, okay. Let's do the end of the show segments, everything else.
PFT, you got one more ad for us. The barstool golf time app makes it easy for golfers to find the best tee times at the best prices.
Stop searching all over Google for your next tee time. Start searching multiple courses in your area from one app.
It's annoying to have to create accounts for each individual course to book online. Just make one account with us at Barstool Golf Time and book all of your tee times.
Plus, the new reservation sharing option allows you to take control and book tee times for your entire group. Earn golf time rewards every time you book or leave course reviews.
And then you can redeem those rewards for free Barstool Golf Merch in our store. Download the Barstool Golf Time app now.
Start earning those rewards and booking those tee times. Barstool Golf Time app now.
Okay, football guy of the week. We have a few nominees.
Let's see. First up, we Packers fullback, recurring guest, Danny Vitale.
He got caught at the goal line. He went down at the one yard line.
Went down at the one yard line. One inch line.
Some may say that's bad when you get caught from behind at the one inch line, but he said it was all part of his plan to get a fullback assist,

so that's a football guy through and through.

Fullbacks shouldn't score.

They should help others score.

Superbacks.

Superbacks.

We had Bill's tight end, Lee Smith, for saying,

my wife's about the only one that can make me feel better than that.

That's just the facts after the team won and improved to 3- know so congrats on the set shout out to your wife that's pretty sick uh should we do bruce arians for taking the delay game to make his kicker no that's not football guy actually how about morningside college strength coach aaron jung tore both his patellar tendons when celebrating a touchdown. Yeah, so that's unconfirmed.
Unconfirmed. Got that as a tip.
Surprisingly, there's not a whole lot of news reports out there. You are addicted to tips.
No, I told Jake earlier. I was like, we probably shouldn't do that one because there are no articles about it.
Okay, let's do this one. So we have the Bills, tight end Smith, Packers fullback Danny Vitale, Ruckers O-lineman Michael Maetti, who punched his QB in the face after the Scarlet Knights scored a TD.
That's got to become a thing. That's an O-lineman getting so excited.
And also very Ruckers. I was going to say, that is the most powerful New Jersey energy of all time.
And then I'll do last one last one let's do this you don't really love a guy until you hit him in the face yes yeah friends hit each other in the face that's a fact uh last one we'll combine the next segment respect the biz i think belichick should be on there for essentially like ending a reporter with his eyes tina jacobson so if you've ever a Bill Belichick press conference, he does that stare. Yes.
All the time. The only thing that was different was this was in close quarters.
Very close. And also the subject material they were talking about, which is why did you have Antonio Brown on your team? And then he had some money.
And then cut him. And then a lot of the stuff that Antonio Brown was and has been accused of doing was to women.
Right. And it was a female reporter.
Hank, I'm telling you why it was a bad look. Got it.
And I know for a fact that Belichick would give that exact same look to Ed Werder if it was Ed Werder asking questions. He's ticked to everyone.
But in context, it appeared worse is what I'm saying. She could have said, what'd you have for lunch? And he probably would have given her that.

Probably.

Correct.

So is he on the list?

Because he's like, you know, I don't eat on game day.

All right.

So he's the last football guy of the week.

By the way, American Ninja is on in the studio.

It's 1.30 in the morning.

It's electric.

I've never watched this show.

No, it's so easy now.

Oh.

Like it's not.

Hank can do it.

Yeah.

Give me a couple months to train.

Okay. Seeky question.
Promo code take ten dollars off Seeky purchase do you think we could get Hank on one of these and how many attempts would it take for him to complete it I don't I don't think he would ever complete it ever ever no matter how much he trained I don't think ultimate restarts I don't know what the wall at the end salmon ladder. You can't even catch a salmon in your hands, much less climb up one of the ladders.
That's absolutely proven correct. Oh, is this the wall right here? Yeah, you can't do that.
I would love to see you just keep falling, though. Falling on your face like an idiot.
You know what? I'm going to say something nice about Chase. Okay.
Chase is... Chase is...
They're all gone, by the way. None of the Chases are listening anymore.
Chases can, they can top out at being an American Ninja Warrior course builder. Yes.
Yes. Absolutely.
And because, because, because another nice thing about Chase, I would say, Chase, you can also get a black belt. Yep.
As an adult. And it's not creepy.
Nope. That you spent every Thursday night going to karate class.
Yeah. And a bunch of children.
And it's not creepy no that you spent every thursday night going to karate class yeah and a bunch of children and it's not weird that the instructor was like hey i've got a live one here that pays me 50 a week that i'll just keep i'll keep around and keep awarding him gradually increased ranks keeps asking about mr miyagi and i play along no chase you got congratulations on the black belt but now you have to stick around because there's secret black belts after this. Don't tell anyone.
It'll be $50. It's $100.
They also just need to bring back NXT. It's just a...
All right, let's wrap it up with... We got two more.
Stay classy, Clemson, because they filmed a movie at halftime of their game against Charlotte. That's got to be the most disrespectful thing a team could ever have.
With a fake team, though. A fake team.
At halftime, they had 60 players in Clemson jerseys and helmets running down from the hill. Touching the rock.
Yeah, a lot of people in the crowd didn't know what the fuck was going on. They should have touched that rock.
Dabo, you sold out, dude. No, but it was members of the 2019 team.
Oh. They got some old players to come back.
Got it. So it's a little bit within in-house.
That would suck so bad. I would imagine there's a couple guys who got called up, and they're like, I'm like 70 pounds overweight, and I cannot fit in these pads anymore.
Dabo definitely was like, I need to be compensated for my role as a head coach, but you guys are all going to be volunteers. By the way, they're literally using crisis actors.
Oh, and also everyone on the current Clemson roster definitely got, you know, a little. Oh, hey, Trevor Lawrence, your first grip.
It was $400,000. Yeah, interesting.
But yeah, that's if you're Charlotte. Oh, we'll be like, and this game's going to suck so bad that we're just going to at halftime., we're going to let a fake film, or a real film with a fake team be filmed.
Whoops. Wouldn't you know it? Accidentally, all the fake football players left behind their fake steroids in your lockers, guys.
Better taste them to make sure they're not going bad. Last up, we have a news.
By the way, that sucks for the marching band. Yeah.
True. Didn't think about that.
Didn't think about the poor people in the marching band.

Took the shine off.

Maybe they did a halftime performance where it was actors playing a marching band, too.

There you go.

There you go.

Everyone's happy.

All right, last segment.

Pardon my French.

We didn't even plan this, but we got quoted for our Gardner Minshew story on Friday in People Magazine, and they said, popular podcast, pardon my French.

So, uh-huh, oui, oui. Je m my French so oh oui oui oh how do you spell oui uh w tense I was going for the German version of uh the English translation of the French uh word which comes out to wi I love what Hank does this every now and then I fucking love it when he like makes a big mistake on Twitter and then you can actually see that he He just comes out to WI.
I love when Hank does this every now and then. I fucking love it when he makes a big mistake on Twitter.
And then you can actually see that he just takes the rest of the day off. He's like, you know what? I'm just going to put this one on ice.
I was like, fuck it. Yeah, he took like a day and a half off.
You know what? It got too hot on these streets. I made a mistake.
If I don't check the mentions, if I don't go on for a while, then the most recent mention isn't going to be roasting me. So it's just like.
You're basically just like, you're like, hey, coach, I'm ready to come out of this game for a second. I would have been disappointed if Hank had spelled wee wee correctly.
Yeah, that would have been way too snobby. Way too snobby.
It's all vowels. Yeah.
I thought it was a quick, easy win. Wee wee.
It wasn't.-wee. It wasn't.
Wait, so you did WI-WI? Yep. Well, you could have just said you were pumped about the Badgers victory.
Who spelled Wee with a fucking O? You should be pumped about the Badgers. This is Friday, I think.
Oh, fuck. You can also just go with ha-ha.
Ha-ha. Ha-ha.
How the... I trust we can spell that.
Ha-ha. H-O-N.
Ha-ha. H-U-G-N-H-G-N-H.

That doesn't play as well as wee-wee if spelled correctly.

Garden Minshew makes me feel like the summer day, the caterpillar will slowly be roasted upon the open fire.

Let me see that cheese.

It's stinky cheese.

Give me that stinky cheese.

And I'm not talking about a fastball. You stupid American.
Uh-huh. All right.
That's the show. Listen to American Podcast.
Listen to PFT's Drizzy Jizzy. Uh-huh.
And now Drake You are a fake. Say I love you.
Je t'aime. Je t'aime.

Drake, Drake is a fake, fake, fake.

A snake, snake, snake.

Give me a break, break, break.

Drake, Drake is a fake, fake, fake.

A snake, snake, snake.

Give me a break, break, break.

You shitty, cause you got corny.

Get some wine coolers.

Cause you horny, horny, horny for some high schoolers.

You fucking weirdo.

Massage a Nick nurse.

You're just Canada's version of a Fred Durst. Think you're biggie, but you're too gangly At least Puff Daddy only had one family Look at your sweaters that you can't fit in Yeah, you got a secret child, got a spy kid Ooh, you flow is weak I'm sorry to brought you a corny speaker like Iowa Raptors, when you fuck the lives of the greatest But Toronto, Lossus are sick like Uranus? Your lips are Jupiter, you got a big red spot Like a giant gold tower, herpes can't stop Nerd-ass rapper, call you MC Square Got Carlos Cruz a-looking hair Party my drink, let's chop it up, brah You can't rhyme, you and your boy Johnny Football Both blowing lines, your flow is on Xanax Stay behind bars, if you're hearing this It's too late, dog walk, you won't stop Save your money so that you can't spend On a dozen traffic keepers for your girlfriend

It's so lazy when you try to spit a simple rhyme

You're in the next line, we're the same, we're just to make it rhyme

I'd only watch a grassy for a grassy Tyson

Explain the black hole that somehow swallowed your white son

Drake, Drake is a fake, fake, fake

A snake, snake, snake, give me a break, break, break

It's Pardon My Take, presented by Barstool Sports