Gardner Minshew, Warren Sharp, NFL Week 3 Preview + Mr Portnoy

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On today's part in my take, we have a packed show. We have Warren Sharp making you smarter in football.
We have Gardner Minshew, Jacksonville Jaguars starting quarterback telling a story that's never been told. We have Fantasy Fuckboys.
We have NFL Week 1 Preview. And then the Portnois.
Mr. Portnoy and Linda Portnoy Mrs.
Portnoy join us for a little Portnoy's complaints a packed Friday show for you before we do all of that some pics from Larry ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working nah neither has Ariat Ariat work jackets and boots are packed with all the coldping waterproof protection you need to get the job done under any conditions so you can take any job out there and always deliver.

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Okay, let's go. Boys! Boys! Now in the street there is violence And then a lot of stuff, work to be done No place to hang out or wash in And then I can't blame all of the sun Oh no We're gonna rock down to electric avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh we're gonna rock down to electric avenue Part of My Take Presented by Bar School Sports Welcome to Part of My Take Presented by Barstool Sports.
Gardner Minshew podcast now. That's what we do.
We just do Gardner Minshew stuff because he is electric and he has taken the world by storm in a rainy,

terrible Jacksonville game against the Titans.

I love it.

Everybody's freaking out going into this week.

They're saying, oh, no, all the time, quarterbacks are gone.

And all the primetime games are going to stop.

Well, guess what?

Gardner Minshew is a quarterback.

We don't know if he's great yet. But what we do know about Gardner Minshew is a quarterback.
We don't know if he's great yet,

but what we do know about Gardner Minshew is he makes us feel things,

and that's all you need from a quarterback in the NFL.

You want a quarterback that makes you feel stuff.

Nick Foles might be better.

We don't know, but Nick Foles doesn't make anybody feel anything.

Gardner Minshew makes me feel like going out

and shooting bottle rockets at a hornet's nest or like going outside and throwing rocks at a possum. He makes me feel like amped up and ready to go out and get in some trouble.
And that's what I want out of a quarterback. Okay, so you just described being a sociopath, like a little tiny sociopath.
Gardner Minshew makes me want to pee my bed and go skin a cat. I didn't say any of that.
I didn't say a single word of that. I'm saying he looks like a trip chamber Tim Tebow.
And he's fun to watch out there. Watching Gardner Minshew play football must be like what having sex with Nick Foles feels like.
Oh, okay. So we went all the way there.
All right. So Gardner Minshew is electric.
The Jaguars won in a rainy, terrible game, but Gardner Minshew was electric,

and he's on this show, and he tells electric stories.

On the flip side, PFT, I am officially hashtag done with Marcus Mariota.

Got the hashtag done.

Done.

Chain on him?

I do not want to see Marcus Mariota play any more football. I'm done with him.
It's move on time. Yeah, it's time to say aloha to him, but the goodbye version of aloha.
Put the done lay around his neck. He's boring.
He's a quarterback that doesn't make you feel anything. That's what I'm saying.
Like watching him play, I fall asleep when he has the ball in his hands. When he throws a pass, I don't feel excited.
I don't feel like it's going to be a completion. I don't feel like it's going to be an interception.
I just feel like it's going to be either like a three-yard out that he misses by five yards, or it's going to be a seam throw that he misses by six. Or a sack.
Marcus Mariota is essentially like if Josh Rosen hit puberty. That's all he is.
He's just a slightly better Josh Rosen stat line. I'm done with him.
I can't watch him play football anymore. I think the Titans still are a decent team, but I actually, in a crazy world, I think Ryan Tannehill is ready to start and take a step forward.
This is the year Ryan Tannehill finally takes a step forward and becomes a real quarterback. Next step, is it the six-year bump for him or fifth-year bump? Six-year bump.
Whatever. We should also say that the game is still going on as we're taping this.
So all that we've said about the Jaguars winning, it's 17-7 right now with 11 minutes left in the fourth. So chances are pretty – they're looking pretty good based off what we've seen from the Titans that the Jaguars are going to run away with this.
But what we have now – The cat looks scared. What we have now is a looming quarterback controversy in Jacksonville because I don't think that you can put Nick Foles in when you have Gardner out here looking like Leonard Skinner's pilot, just crushing shit, just dominating, looking like he got his law degree in prison, throwing the football over the yard.
You can't take that guy out of the game. He's going to be your starter.
We need a new counter of how many ways pft is going to describe garner minchu because we're going to get crazy with it uh yes it's 17 7 what hank what was that what was that bullshit pass interference on the titans uh this oh good good yeah hank is feeling sympathy pains with tom brady right now that said that there's too many flags and that he has to the game off. There are way too many holding calls.
I think we can all agree on that. Holding is the new fetch, and I'm sick of the NFL trying to make it happen because every single call is a holding call.
It's like the old saying, you could call holding on every play. I feel like someone dared the NFL refs to actually do that this year, and it's why we have all unders it's why we have terrible football so stop calling holding holding calls let the guys get dirty in the trenches let there be holding let there be clinching I don't care stop you're ruining football I do agree with Tom Brady though that I'm sick of superstar quarterbacks getting preferential treatment Tom Brady is absolutely right about that yes yeah he can't get hit and eli manning says that uh he's just kind of whatever with the fact that he got benched he's just whatever he's i've never seen someone kind of more resigned to their faith than eli manning he just was like what was his advice did he say that like oh yeah daniel jones don't throw it to the other team yeah he plagiarized bortles that's bortles original advice yes so not advice too yeah well good a good point hank way to go not a hall of famer in your eyes absolutely um all right so so the thursday night game was exactly what we expected i still love thursday night football do not get me wrong i will take it any way you want to give it to me um wherever you to put it I'll have it with Thursday night football but I'm done with Marcus Mariota Gardner Minshew is awesome he's coming up on the show later and the only other thing I had was the fact that ESPN started football person of the week and have completely ripped us off no that's a great idea I like it I like that they presented giant check to him that's actually the opposite of what a football person should be doing a football person or guy and by the way when we say football guy we mean person too it can we've had football gals of the week but you're a football guy if you win it we don't need to bribe people with checks we just need to bribe them to come on the podcast and discuss yeah and and tell them that we're going to send them an award that doesn't even exist and that we still haven't sent to a single person because we're working on Blake Griffin's recurring guest shirt.
That's true. Yeah.
We did. Now that I think about, we do promise something to them.
We just don't follow through on it. That's the difference between us and ESPN.
It's in beta. You're right.
It is in beta. I actually told Gardner Minshew after he came on the show, I was like, Hey man, we'll send some the facility there's zero percent chance we send anything to the facility but the gesture that gesture like that moment where he saw that and was like oh that's nice these guys are awesome yeah you can't take that back we have that forever and he might not even remember like in the future a little bit oh those guys are great they sent us stuff to the facility like he might just not even like remember the follow-up of not getting sent stuff it's just the it's the thought that counts or if if you are so inclined and you're listening to this podcast and you want to send gardner minch you something and just put the return address from part of my take that'd be fine too yes we'd appreciate that um okay so that was thursday night football wait wait one more thing for thursday night football yeah uh jalen ramsey played did that surprise you at all no it didn't because I still am of the belief that the Jaguars will do anything they can to keep him I know that he's been linked to a million teams but if you're the Jaguars I would do anything like what what's going to happen okay so the Jaguars trade him for a first round pick the first round pick they get back in return in the wildest dreams will become Jalen Ramsey.

So if you're the Jaguars, I would do everything.

I would beg, plead, say, hey, Doug Marone will become your best friend.

Whatever it takes to keep Jalen Ramsey on the team, that's what they have to do.

And I feel like that might be what happens, especially after a win.

Yeah.

Once he sees Gardner Minshew out there, he might just get excited like I am.

He might start feeling things for the team again. So, yeah, I would like to see Jalen stay in town.
I don't think it's going to happen. I think they're going to trade him.
But there's a chance that putting him out here tonight and having him have fun, play football in Jacksonville, might turn him around a little bit. That's true.
Okay, let's do the weekend preview. PFT, I have bad news.
Oh, no. I don't see a loser leaves townaves Town game.
I did see a Loser Leaves Town game. Tell me.
I need one. I think Loser Leaves Town is Tampa Bay Giants.
I think Loser, that's a game that Tampa Bay should win at home. Daniel Jones.
Daniel Jones, rookie quarterback. I don't know.
Giants could scratch and claw their way back in. Okay.
If the Giants win this game, their season is essentially turned around.

It is.

It is.

It's a turn around.

It's a reset.

The only other one that I circled, maybe loser leaves town, Raiders-Vikings.

If the Raiders lose, they definitely leave town.

Yeah.

If the Vikings lose to the Raiders, we might have two loser leaves town.

Thank God.

So, yeah, we went from having none to having two.

How about that?

That was going to be scary to have an entire weekend of no loser leaves town.

I was terrified.

I do have also a are we sure they're good game?

Oh.

Oh, wait.

Let's guess. Okay.
Falcons Colts. No.
That is also a are we sure they're good. Okay.
Yeah. We got a couple of them.
I don't know. Yeah.
We don't know with either of them. Actually, mine isn't so much are we sure they're good for both teams.
Texans Chargers. But for one team.
It's for one team. Oh.
That's another good one. That's another one another one god damn it this is the are we sure they're good week you know what the board is looking sweet this weekend Lions Eagles is also are we sure they're good I was just gonna say for the Niners we're not sure if the Niners are good yet they should beat Pittsburgh at home yep okay so yeah so this is the official are we sure they're good week and loser leaves town week and loser leaves town okay let's do some picks uh what are we overall do we know that's a good question i think we know mr portner is walking in we had a decent middle of the show mr portner you're you're not up until later on talking to the mic talking to the mic talking to the mic we're literally doing the show right now you can't just come in here it was all right to come in here who said that talking to the mic and what for what what reason? I'm looking for my fanny pack.
Oh, okay. So you're just wandering around Barstool in the different rooms.
Listen, Mr. Portnoy, keep the mic on him.
Mr. Portnoy, hold on.
Let me ask you a question. I thought it was the audio guy, so I gave it to Loud Sean.
Mr. Portnoy is on later on in the show.
Are you kidding me? Okay. Are portnoy look at me look at me i you know that i am the biggest defender of you right like i have your back in terms of the uh stereotypes that you're just an old man losing and his marbles walking into a live podcast looking for your fanny pack is not helping.

I'm just going to say it, friend to friend.

I agree with you.

Talking to the mic.

I was told.

Talking to the mic.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

I was told that I could just walk in here and look for it,

and you, could you find him and get that for me?

He's talking to Hank now.

I guess Hank has your fanny pack.

We're in the middle of something, but I can after.

I'm going to I appreciate that. Okay.
I'll send it to... I got you.
Don't worry. Problem solved.
Okay. And stay tuned for more, Mr.
Portnoy, later on. Yeah, he's coming on later on in the episode.
We taped it yesterday. We already taped it.
Yeah, yeah. We're doing a little radio thing here.
This is a great preview. Expect more of that electricity for mr portnoy later on in this show it's all right he's hank's going on we hank pft and i will filibuster here okay so that was uh yeah mr portnoy and his lovely wife are on at the end of the show instead of faqs we do a little port noise complaint but that was so perfect for him to just walk into a live studio being like, where's my fanny bag?

He was literally shuffling around.

So, yeah, you're right.

Not doing himself any favors. All right.

So how are we doing?

And give us the sponsor.

I feel like we did pretty good last week.

I don't know the exact numbers.

We were better last week.

So us and Larry were both due this week for a bounce back.

Before we get to our picks, which are going to be winners, I'm sure.

When your home system or appliance breaks down, American Home Shield will help fix or replace the covered item, no matter its age. Visit AHS.com slash listen for 20% off any plan.
See AHS.com slash contracts for coverage details, limitations, and exclusions. Sir, let's do some picks.
Hank. I found his fanny pack.
Oh, you did? Okay, good. Thank you.
The long national nightmare is over. Hank, let's start with favorite.
Go. I am going back to my first week strategy.
I have not looked at the lines until right now. I solemnly swear, though, looking, it pops right out.
I'll make a solemn swear for the rest of the season every time the Pats are favored by 20 or more. I will bet them.
Okay. So 22? 22 and a half.
22 and a half. Woo! Yeah.
Sheesh. It's a great...
I mean, it's one of those things. Like, I'm going to be watching the game anyway.
It gives you rooting interest the whole way through, even though it'll probably be over in the third quarter, but you know. Well, it might not be 22 and a half.
It kind of is never over. But even, but the Dolphins one, that was over.
Like that was over almost instantly. You're right.
Okay. So you have the Patriots as your favorite PFT.
Are you going to do it? I'm taking the Patriots. Oh, I thought you were going to take the Dolphins.
No, no, no. For your underdogs.
Sorry. I'm taking the Patriots also at 22 and a half.
Here's my strategy. I will be betting on the Patriots.
Whatever Hank bets. I'm going to bet on the Patriots to cover whatever spread there is.
And if I win, I'm just going to let that ride the next week. Oh, you're going to do the Darren Revell where he tweets about you? Until I lose.
Is he going to tweet about me? No, he always does. If you

had bet this team the last

10 weeks on their winning streak

and kept on doubling down, you'd

be a billionaire by now. That's what I'm doing, but I'm

doing it before Darren gets a chance to report on him.

I'm scooping Darren. Alright,

I will go with

the Chiefs, minus 6.5

because, are we

sure the Ravens are as good as they think? I don't think that we are sure. They beat the Dolphins, who stink, and they barely beat the Cardinals on the road.
Kyler Murray first start on the road. I think the Ravens are good.
I don't think they're Chiefs good. You almost used the word fraud.
No, no, no. I think they're good.
I don't think they're Chiefs good. Underdog Hank.
I'm just going to talk this out. You guys can explain to me if this makes sense because we just had Warren Sharpe on.
He's a very smart football mind. I don't know how much sense this makes.
The Patriots were only favored by whatever. They were favored by less than they are against the Jets.
The Browns beat the Jets, but that's basically saying that the Jets aren't a real football team. So I'm taking the Rams because the Browns aren't as good as people think they are.
So the Patriots beat the Dolphins. The Patriots were favored by more against the Jets than they are.
Well, that's because of the Jets' quarterback situation, the Patriots on the road, and also one more week.

So that does make sense.

But the Jets are on their third quarterback.

Essentially, my logic is that the Browns aren't as good as people are giving them credit for.

I'm taking the reins.

I will listen to anything Hank says if it comes after.

Essentially, my logic is.

Yes.

That sounds good to me.

You just Pepe Sylvia'd that.

There's lines everywhere, all going back to the Patriots and what they are.

Yep.

Yes. That's Hank's correct.
What do you mean? Obviously. My underdog is the Dolphins.
I'm going to do the same thing with the Dolphins. I almost did that, but I didn't want to have the same two picks.
21. Thank you.
21 and a half on the road in Big D. I'm going to take them, and if they cover that spread, I'm going to roll it over to next week, too.
Oof. Okay.
I'm doing something I don't think I've ever done in my entire life.

For the third week in a row, I'm taking the Detroit Lions.

Plus six and a half.

I don't sleep on the Lions.

I still think they're a little bit better than people give them credit for.

I think the Eagles are the better team, but offensive line issues,

basically every wide receiver they had got injured last week. I think this might be a little bit closer every game.
Okay. All right, Hank, your over.
My over is going to be the Saints and Seahawks because I thought that was the best under. Nice.
I actually love that logic. Reversing your brain.
Yep. That's great.
I did that with the Monday Night Football. I loved the Jets so much that I had to let them free,

set them free, and take the Browns.

Okay.

My over, I'm going to take the big over.

I'm doing Ravens-Chiefs.

Hell yeah.

Same with me.

54 and a half.

Same with me.

Let's fucking go.

Let's go.

You put a spread on the board that's over 50 points,

I'm going to take the over on it because if I don't,

I'm P-word, and I don't want to be P-word.

They are daring you to take it, and guess what?

Dare.

Challenge accepted. You mentioned the stat on Wednesday's show, but it's actually for both teams.
One and two. They're one and two for touchdowns outside of the red zone.
There we go. So you don't even need to get in the red zone to score on this game.
I guess that would be 40% of the field away. Yes.
We don't even care. Don't even give a fuck.
We'll score, we'll score, we'll score, we'll score some more uh that was actually a good little cheer score we'll score we'll score some more sis sis i feel like that you say that like uh like on pledge week when like the sororities walk by like we'll score we'll score yeah okay and then you end up like viral and then canceled okay hank you're under yeah you probably rhymed something bad there yeah you're wearing a t-shirt that says She calls me daddy too. Yeah, yeah.
My under is the Lions and Eagles. Ooh.

Lions and Eagles. What's the total? 46 and a half.
I don't hate that. That's not bad.
I don't hate that. What was your logic on that one? My logic is I'm just looking at the board for the first time, and that just pops.
It just jumped at you. Yeah, okay.
I like that one. The Eagles are banged up.
The Lions, eh. Yeah.
You see the Honolulu blue, you want to take the under. Yeah.
I got that. I understand.
I like that. I'm doing the under on the Falcons and the Colts at 47.
What about Matt Ryan and Julio Jones? They're good. But they're on the road.
Or Austin Hooper. They lead the league in fucking up in the red zone.
But in a dome? But they're not the Chiefs where they don't ever get in the red zone. Yeah, but dome in a dome..
The Falcons live inside of a giant red. That's their terrarium called for birds.
That's their aviary. I don't think it's a bird cage.
That's a bird sanctuary. That's the bird sanctuary for the Falcons is inside the 20-yard line, and they always fuck up inside the 20-yard line.
Dome to Dome, though. I'm taking the honor.
Docking. Dome to Dome.
Yeah, it's fast turf. It is.
yes fast turf it is it's very fast fast turf also adam vinatieri can't make an extra point so sure you might win it just on that if it was 48 and a half i would take the over but since it's 47 taking it off uh i'm taking the packers and broncos under 43 the broncos last 10 games 10 unders. Okay.
And the Packers defense is good. I like that.
Yeah. Packers defense is good.
So

I the Broncos last 10 games 10 unders okay and the Packers defense good I like that yeah Packers defense is good so uh I like that under 43 I think I'm gonna I think I'm gonna have that's gonna be the easiest under of the week I was thinking about that one too I'm not it's gonna be the fourth quarter it's gonna be like all right when we bring come back it's 13 to 7 are you actually gonna bet the under on that yeah oh yeah okay fuck yeah I will let's do it fuck yeah okay those are our picks before we get to our interviews let's do some fantasy

fuck Are you actually going to bet DeAndre on that? Yeah, oh yeah. Okay.
Fuck yeah, I will. Let's do it.
Fuck yeah. Okay, those are our picks.
Before we get to our interviews, let's do some fantasy fuckboys, get you ready for the weekend. Why don't you start? I don't know what your name is, Hank, but go ahead.
My name is Gandalf Alivio, and my Stodham boys this week is HBO Shows. There was a tweet going around this week talking about who your favorite characters were, and all it's done is made me want to watch every HBO show, especially Sopranos.
Tony, Christopher, the whole gang, they're back. Tony killed Christopher.
He kills him. He kills him like a dog on the side of the road.
That's fucked up. The eldest knows.
Yeah. My sit-em.
It's humanity as we know it. Get out of here, people.
The Navy has confirmed that aliens have indeed invaded the Earth and no one seems to give a fuck. Tom DeLonge from Blake-182, does aliens exist? Maybe we're all aliens and none of us have ever known.
You just blew my fucking mind. I'm gonna skull fucking alien if they try to come to my house.
My sleeper is Goodfellas, the greatest movie ever made, a cinematic masterpiece. It's the 19th year anniversary today.
There's 321 instances of the word fuck, averaging about two per minute. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Hey, Patrick Chung, what you doing, baking a cake? Ha, ha, ha, fuck. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, fantasy fuck, boys, for a reason.
What's up, guys? This is Justin Trudeau. I'm starting apologizing.
Oh, Canada Oh Canada, more like Oh my god, between me, your prime minister And Drake, your rhyme minister Is there anybody in this country That hasn't dressed up like an Amos and Andy Greatest Hits DVD, holy crap Oh damn, that was serious shit Hey, speaking of shoe polish I'd like, hey, how about those Polish though, right? The The Polish Hey how come Jesus Yeah Wasn't a Polak Cause they couldn't find Yeah Three wise men And a virgin In the entire country Oh Oh Oh Oh you're gonna have to Apologize for that one I'm sitting bears Uh oh Your boy Justin Trudeau Is cancelled I'm sitting bears Not the football team I'm talking about the animal It's's fat bear season up in Alaska. These big buffoons are going to be staying in the water, eating so much fish that Tongue Town Bob won't have any left for him.
They're going to be catching these fish with their bare hands. Only bears can do something like that.
So bears, take a break. Go hibernate.
You've earned it. It's easy as fuck.
I can do that shit with my dick Yeah cause it looks Like a minnow I'm sleeping Oh shit Darryl Williams Of the Chiefs He's my sleeper The Chiefs are gonna Play a little ball control Keep the hands Out of Baltimore's Dangerous Antoine Randall Type wide receiver Lamar Jackson That's right That means ground and pound It's the offense That's named after Coach Andy Reid's favorite type of beef and the quantity that he eats it by. Oh, shit.
I don't even know what you're talking about. It's Gabagool.
Gabagool. Okay, what's up, guys? Finish it off.
I'm Vincent Fettuccine. Yeah, that's like Fettuccine, but it's with a V.
I'm starting getting horny. Yeah, I'm getting horny this weekend.
You know what I'm talking about? I'm not talking about fucking. I'm talking about Alex Hornibrook starting for the Florida State Seminoles.
That guy stinks at football, but holy shit, are we getting horny. Don't start getting horny.
Stay horny. The Little South Park.
Yeah. My sit-in is going to be Josh Rosen.
He's starting for the Dolphins. The Dolphins stink, dolphins stink pu josh rosen he's going to throw eight for 16 125 yards and two interceptions that's a great stat line we can only hope i'm getting a boner thinking about it my sleeper is the merriam webster dictionary we got new words out guys we got words like inspo we got words like dad joke.
But most importantly, we got words like sesh. Sesh is now a word in the dictionary.
I'm talking weed. Let's have a sesh.
Or a jerk-off sesh. Sesh, that's sus.
Oh. You and your friends, huh, Hanky? Yeah.
Little hooky cookie. You know how we do.
Let's go that hooky biscotti, huh? Uh-huh. Oh, shit.
A little cream in the canola. If this normally doesn't happen to me, I always lose, and I'm just hungry for a cookie.
Alright, that's fantasy fuckboys. There are new words, so sesh is actually a new word in the dictionary now.
Pretty cool, huh? That's fucked up that we have an entire book to teach us new words. That what every other book is for yeah it's true by the way justin trudeau yikes i mean that was like he really did blackface yeah also just like really count of the number of times that you've done blackface it's a problem it was the best quote was he's like as everyone knows I sometimes get carried away with costumes like we did we knew that okay cool you're a costume guy there's some great videos out there i just learned about today of justin trudeau his party trick his main party trick is he used to just throw himself down the stairs that was his like thing that he would do at a party i mean that actually kind, yeah.
I'm not going to lie. Sorry.
You know what? As many times as he's had to apologize for it, I haven't heard the Prime Minister of Canada say sorry. Yes, it's true.
It's true. We need a good old-fashioned sorry, and then all is forgiven but not forgiven.
All right, let's do Gardner Minshew first. Then we have Warren Sharp coming up.
We actually learned a lot about football. He's very, very smart.
He tells us all about football, about what teams should and shouldn't do conservative coaches, something that will get you better at gambling. Before we do all that, though, we have another Larry's pick.
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Here he is, Gardner Minshew. Okay, we now welcome on football guy of the week he is taking the world by storm he is the Jacksonville Jaguars starting quarterback it is Gardner Minshew the second can we actually start there can we do the name stuff first Gardner because people are confused how you're a second and your dad is not Gardner.
Yeah, so glad to be on. But I've been seeing that, and that's pretty interesting.
You know, I have a middle name, and it's Flint. And my dad goes by Flint.
So, you know, you'd think people would get that, that he's Gardner, Flint, Minshew, and just goes by Flint. I'm Gardner, Flint, Minshew, the second.
You know, I know that's a big leap for some people to take,

but yeah,

we got to get there.

Wait, so back up, just so I understand

correctly. Your dad

is also named Gardner Flint Minshew,

but he just goes by Flint,

and you just go by Gardner.

He just goes by Flint. That's it, man.

I'm still very confused by it.

I think what's

happening is you have a look

why you won Football Guy of the Week.

Thank you. We had your former coach Mike Leach on last week, and he was telling stories about you.
So I think it's like one of those Paul Bunyan things where every story that comes out about Gardner Minshew is going to be more ridiculous than the next. Yeah, I sure hope not.
I need to probably tone it down a little bit with that stuff. No, please don't.
Because you won Football Guy of the Week for being Gardner Minshew. Right.
And we've got all these stories about you. So what would you say is the most Gardner Minshew story of all time? So, yeah, here's a story.
story I've actually the only group of people I ever told was the Washington State football team before this last year um and it was just about you know what would you do to be able to play more football and um so it was back when I was in East Carolina it was my first year there I'd went there from um junior college and the situation was I had two seniors above me, so I was hoping to go in, redshirt, and then be able to play three. It was an awesome setup, you know.
So we get into about game four, and we moved our backup to running back because he's our best running back. And then the starter, he got knocked out.
So, shoot, I'm standing there. I go in.
I go in and play about a half. And then we get in for the next week, and starter's going to be back.
So, I'm like, dang, man, I just played a half, you know, where I really wasted a year on playing a half ball, you know. So, I was pretty pissed.
And, man, I started kind of looking around at, like, what I could do, what my options were. And the only thing I could do would be to get a medical red shirt.
But if I played in this next game, then that would be off the table. So, you know, I get an idea.
I get an idea, I go home, I grab a bottle of Jack Daniels, and I grab a hammer and go back into my room. I take a pull of Jack Daniels, put my hand down on the table, and boom, boom, boom, one, two, three.
Hit the hell out of my hand, dude. I'm sitting there shaking, but I know it's not broke, so I'm like, God, come on.
Take another pull, one, two, three, again. Still nothing.
I'm just shaking at this point, man. But I knew it wasn't broken.
So one more time, another pull, another three hits, and that was all I could take. I couldn't break my own hand.
But when I told the guys, I was like, what would you do for more football? Because I'd do damn near anything. Wait.
So, okay. I got to question your arm strength.
First, right off the bat, if you're not able to break your own hand. You tried to break your own hand so you'd get a medical red shirt and you couldn't because you have such a high pain threshold or your body just doesn't allow it.
And then what ended up happening? So did you play the rest of that season and burn another year? Yeah, I mean, I ended up playing some. It was good, you know, getting that experience.
Dude, I just had a swollen ass hand for about a few weeks. Just told the coaches, I closed it in a car door.
Jesus.

So did you go into the training facility and say,

hey, I need an x-ray, or did you know that it wasn't broken?

No, I knew it wasn't broken, man. I was pissed.

Because what I was doing, because I was thinking about hitting my left hand,

my non-throwing hand, but I was like, you know what?

I can play through that.

That wouldn't have me out. So I had to go left-handed with the hammer turn at the right hand and man it just it's a lot harder than you would think guys like it's it's pretty hard to do actually that's i mean it's a fantastic story and you we always hear stories about guys and how much they want it i would say you want it more than anyone i've ever talked to that's what i'm talking talking about, man.
That's why I'm here now. Yeah.
So you do have the opportunity. We're going to actually air this on Friday after your start on Thursday night.
I'm just going to assume you won. I'm going to assume you lit it up and we aren't going to edit that at all.
So congrats on the first victory. That's awesome.
What is it though? Like going through Nick Foles getting hurt week one,

knowing he's going to be out, you get thrust into the starting position.

Was there a moment where you're like, shit, I wasn't fully ready for this because I just got drafted a minute ago as a backup?

Yeah, you know, it's one of those things.

Like you're always, you know, staying ready and, you know, learning,

you know, studying everything you got to study.

And, you know, we're sitting there in the game and, man, he goes down

and he hurts his shoulder. I can tell he's hurt.
I'm like, dang, dude, Nick's hurt. Dang, Nick's out.
I'm like, dang, I am in. Like, it was crazy.
But, man, I had some good people around me that got me ready and, you know, just tried to make the most of the opportunity. Yeah, so you went on the road last week.
You played against the Texans. Marone decided to put the game in your guys' hands out there and go for two.
Were you hoping that he would do that? Were you, like, whispering to him, be like, hey, let's go for two. Let's try to win this thing on the road.
Like, what was your reaction? Were you excited when he said, let's not go to overtime, let's try to walk out of here with a W?

Yeah, no, I love the call.

You know, we were all fired up.

We had a lot of momentum.

And, you know, we give it to our freaking bell cow, Leonard,

who, you know, in a goal line situation,

I'm betting on him 10 times out of 10 to get that in.

And, you know, it just didn't go our way this time.

But, you know, I believe we're in that situation next time.

He will get it. So the pregame stretching routine, how long have you been doing that? And has anyone on any team – I mean, Mike Leach is a perfect coach to let you do whatever you want to do.
But how long have you been doing the jockstrap stretching in the locker room before a game? So first, it's a postgame deal. It's postgamegame I got my bands in my locker and um I started at Washington State because really how it would come about was we'd come in we'd be celebrating and my bands are hung right there on my locker so I start getting undressed and then at some point while getting undressed I look up and say oh dang I got to do these bands so it's typically just at whatever point I was at where I noticed I had to do the bands that I would just have to do it.
That's also simple. I mean, I think people, because you're so eccentric, they don't realize you're a very, very smart guy.
You've got a 4.0. I think Mike Leach even said you're the smartest guy he's coached.
So it's like this perfect mix of eccentric-looking kind of free spirit but also very very smart and probably the reason why tom coughlin drafted you yeah i mean i guess i mean if y'all want to say i'm really smart i guess i'm really smart then yeah you're really smart uh yeah no thanks thanks guys really appreciate it yeah you're really smart um yeah no that's a big part of my game and you know i'm i don't run a 4 4 40 i'm not six foot four so you know i got to bring some nuts to the table and that's something i'm you know lucky and lucky enough to have with me would you be a little bit intimidated if nick foals started to do the uh the jock strap stretching routine after the game because physical stature uh things of that nature might be a little a little intimidating yeah no physically super blessed gifted some would say um you know especially you know in the lower body but above the knee sometimes below the knee so yeah that was that would not be that would not be a good look i i got a question to ask you for hank because I saw you were wrestling. You put a tweet out where you had grabbed a giant fish.
You were wrestling a big fish in a pool somewhere. Do you have any tips for Hank about how to catch a big fish with your bare hands? Oh, I mean, you just got to dive in, dude.
Like, you can't be scared. I think they sense the fear that's in Hank's heart.
You know, so they're not going to let him catch them, you know. So you really just got to be a worthy adversary, I guess.
Yeah, there's no chance he can. So you, when you were looking to transfer, you were considering Alabama.
How did Mike Leach, like, beat out Nick Saban when it's coming to getting Gardner Minshew on the roster? Yeah. So, I mean, it mean it was you know it's kind of at a point where i was kind of picking between you know two different deals i was like do i want to you know i know at some point i do want to coach and because football is what i love and i want to do it forever but man there's you know something inside of me man i just had to i would have never forgave myself if i'd uh had any what ifs you know what if i if I could have gone and played somewhere else and, you know, what could have been.
And when Coach Leach asked me, hey, you want to go back up to Alabama or come here and leave the country in passing? I was like, shoot, man, sign me up. I didn't even take a visit.
I was all in. I was ready to go.
I read that you read Coach Leach's book when you were in eighth grade. What was your big takeaway from Mike Leach's book? Dude, swing your sword, man.
Swing your sword. That's all it is.
Yeah, he just – dude, I love how he lives his life. You know, he doesn't give a F about certain things.
He just simplifies things so well and learned so much from that dude. This is great because we, in the offseason, obviously lost Blake Bortles as starting quarterback for the Jaguars, who's a good friend of ours.
I think this is now you're our new guy for the Jaguars, and you're a recurring guest, and you have to come on any time that we ask, and you're a football guy of the week. Man, that's big shoes to fill, but, you know, I'm going to do my best.
Yeah, it is big, big shoes to fill. So I don't know if Blake left anything in his locker or anything.
He probably left a couple dips. He had some skull.
I don't know. He probably had something like that.
He doesn't need that anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But we really appreciate you calling in. And, yeah, you're Football Guy of the Week.
So congratulations. We're going to send you something in the mail.
I don't know what is our award trophy. What's your favorite? You're a big Crown Royal guy, right? Yeah, I made a Crown Royal phase.
I did. Okay.
That phase is over. How about Crown Royal and a hammer? That would be perfect, actually, yeah.
Okay, Football Guy of the Week gets a hammer. That's actually not a bad trophy to be passing out every week.
Yes, I agree. Can you mail a hammer? Not bad at all.
We'll give it a shot. Yeah.
One last question for me real quick. Do you have the hottest dad in the NFL? Dude, I mean, I guess.
I mean, I'd like to see me and my dad in a cage match versus anybody, any other father-son duo. And, you know, I think we'd stand out, you know, we'd walk out, And then,, and then afterwards, there's no telling who would come up to us or come on to us.
It'd be fun. He is.
I saw him in the stands. They kept on showing him in Houston.
The visor look, I'm going to say it. He's a beefcake.
Absolutely. 100% beefcake.
100% beefcake. Hot seat, Howie Long.
Yes. All right right well tell tell uh coach Marone we say hello good friend of ours good friend of the program and good luck on Thursday you won already so congrats on the win and we will talk to you soon because now you're a recurring guest and you have to come on anytime we ask that's right appreciate it guys thank y'all for having me all right man thanks so much Gardner appreciate.
See ya. Hey, what's going on there, pal? We saw you at the hockey game on.
Do I know you guys? I'm Ryan Whitney. I got a drink named after me.
Not a big deal. Pink Whitney? That's what I thought.
See ya, fellas. I invented the thing, you pigeon.
Pink Whitney for legendary moments. All right, now that we're all learned up about condoms, we have an interview with Warren Sharp from sharp, sharp football.com.
Is that the website? Sharp analysis, sharp analysis. Check him out.
He's going to make us a lot smarter. We learned about the different personnel groupings, 11 personnel, 12 personnel.
He's going to make you smarter. He made us smarter.
Here it is. And now for something completely different.
Okay. We now welcome on a guy.
We've actually wanted to get on for a while. We've known him for a while.
It is Warren Sharp, sharpfootballanalysis.com. You've probably heard me mention his tweets because he knows more about football than I would say most people, if not all people online.
So Warren, thank you for joining us. Appreciate it.
Happy to be here, guys. Yeah.
So you're going to teach us more about football.

You're going to make us smarter, our fans smarter, and yeah, that's pretty much it.

That's the goal.

You ready for it?

I'll try.

All right. So I want to start with, first of all, how did you get into all this?

Because you basically have been doing this for a long time.

You do picks.

You do fantasy analysis.

Let's do a quick backstory before we get into the NFL this year.

Yes, I was civil engineer major, graduated with a civil engineering degree, studied, became a professional engineer, worked in that industry for a while. But while I was in school, backing up while I was in school, I tried to come up with a computer model that would beat the odds in Las Vegas with the lines makers were setting.
And I found out that I was better at doing that from a totals perspective, like the over unders than I was from a sides perspective. So I was working on that while I was working my full time engineering job.
And then I eventually started to like start up a blog. This is before, you know, Twitter, social media, anything like that.
I was posting my stuff on, on message boards and my blog started doing really well. And a couple of the big guys from Las Vegas, they troll those message boards and they saw my record after like a year and a half was really good.
So one of them reached out to me and said, hey, you need to come out to Las Vegas. One of the guys wants to talk to you.
So I flew out to Las Vegas. I had dinner with like this guy and one of the guys in his crew, talked to them, started working for them.
And I've been doing that for, I don't know, probably about like seven years or so, maybe a little bit longer. It's only been more recent that I started sharing more information online, on Twitter.
And then teams started reaching out to me. And now I'm actually a consultant for some teams.
Oh, can you say which teams? I teams i can't whoa but when you went out to vegas they turned you over to the dark side they said this guy's beating us so consistently we want him to make us money instead so how can we trust anything you're telling us now well the guy the guys in las vegas there was actually some sports books that wanted me to work for them that's the real the sports books are the real, you know, not great guys because they're screwing all the rest of the people. So I decided just to work for, not for them, but work for some of the- Billy Walters.
Associates. Some of the hard hitters that are actually winning money betting on football.
Exactly. Shit, so you're like a real man of mystery.
I didn't realize that you were consulting with teams too yeah that that started browns i can't say but that started about a year just over a year ago um a couple teams reached out to me before that but nothing ever came of it and then uh a team reached out last off season and so what i was doing is i was providing like strategic game planning type advice to them and uh and then this past off season about nine different teams reached out whoa and some of them wanted like full time you know they wanted me to come there so i flew to their city met every everybody from the gms to the to the owner to the coach to the assistant coach to the people and and equipment. So it's not Houston because you mentioned GM.
What's Pete Carroll like? You can scratch that one off. Wait, where are you based out of? I'm out of D.C.
Okay, so it's not the R words because you flew somewhere, but I could have told you that because they don't believe in anything besides where I'm in D.C. So probably not Philly either.
New York, you take the train. Boston, you could probably take the train.
There's a lot of places that you could fly to. No, John Elway would definitely not hire you.
Unless you had a spreadsheet that was like tall guys. Big arm.
Under the center. As long as you can throw far.
White guy, cannon for an arm. Check, check.
Definitely none of these college quarterbacks. We've got to get an old retread.
You should that you should go and pitch it to denver uh your like expertise and just model it after everything that john elway already thinks so he's like this guy's a genius or you could go to seattle and just have a spreadsheet of defensive coordinators that are bald with a goatee and just be like this these guys check your boxes pete this and and just run the ball on every play Yeah, run ball run the ball i like this so you you're like the cia version of the nfl where you do all this work that you can't talk about but we know you do this work can we now can we say that we consult with teams and say we can't say you could yeah okay we do we actually do consult with teams i wonder if we consult the same teams that warned us we probably is this? Do you consult with the Chargers? Okay. All right.
So that's actually an interesting backstory because I didn't realize the depth of that. So now you have sharpfootballanalysis.com.
If you want to go check it out, it's an awesome site. It has fantasy advice, total advice, all this stuff.
So let's get into some football stuff um i wanted to start with tell me your like big whether it be two three four whatever it may be your big like fundamentals that warren sharp believes in that every team in the nfl should be doing well or not doing well they should be doing yeah or not doing you're right they should not be running as much on first down they need to be passing the ball more the floor on completion percentage has risen tremendously so it's a lot more efficient to throw the football and you're not having as many of those risks that coaches get scared about which is an incomplete pass on first down now we're in second and 10 what are we going to do right because too often teams get into second and 10 they're like well we just passed and my guy didn't complete it so now we're in second and 10 what are we going to do i i don't know if i want to call another pass because if he throws it incomplete then we're going to have to pass again so then they opt to run the ball on second and 10 which is the worst thing that you could do on second down um because you're very unlikely to have a successful gain and you might as well just pass twice to try to convert that first down as opposed to run then pass so it's stop running on first down it's don't be afraid to throw the football a little bit more often your guy Mitch definitely practices this to the running backs out of the backfield especially on early downs because coaches and play callers are designing a lot of of stronger that target those running backs out of the backfield where now those plays are a lot more efficient than they used to be. And it's all about matchups.
The final thing that I would say is that more coordinators need to realize that the NFL is an offensive league. Everything is designed, all the rules are in place to favor the offense.
You cannot be too predictable and give chips back to the defense because the only way typically that the defense is going to have any chance of keeping up with you is if you play too much into your tendencies, if you do too many things that are inefficient, then the defense can capitalize on it. If you're just out there maximizing your play calls, it's very unlikely the defense is going to stop you.
Okay. Okay.
So, so in nineties football, when we think of like nineties football, early two thousands, we think a lot of that run the ball on first down, run the ball on second down, then try to pass, get the third down the John Fox style of coaching. Right.
Um, so back then, was it just that every team was doing it that way? And so the teams that were better at running the ball were the more successful teams, or was there something different about the game back then that meant that you could run the ball in first and second down and still be a really good offensive team? Yeah, it's the latter. The, well, they're both right, but it's more so the latter.
The rules were different back then and the quarterbacks were different back then. And the route combinations were different back then.
So you didn't have as much efficiency in the passing game. Remember back in the day when we all grew up watching football, guys going across the middle will get destroyed by linebackers, just completely taken out.
And the announcer would just say, well, that just knocked the snot out of them and just move along. But now they can't have those hits anymore.
The quarterbacks used to get lit up far more than they are now. I mean, look how fragile the quarterbacks are right now, all these guys dropping like flies, but they're so well protected now.
Back then they were much less protected. So a lot of hits on the quarterbacks, lots of, you know, it's just more difficult to drop back.
And so running the ball was a little bit more efficient back then. But the rules construct has changed completely.
And gone are the days where it's like three yards in a cloud of dust, try to convert on third and short. Now it's all about early down efficiency.
Try to bypass third down if possible. Do not even get into third down.
We can convert these 10 yards in just two plays. And if we never get to third down, we're never going to fail and have to risk a punt and teams need to be more aggressive going for it on fourth down obviously if they get into those situations but try to bypass third down entirely and that's what a lot of like the best offenses right now in the league are trying to bypass third down who's the most aggressive coach and who's the most conservative coach because we have an idea but your numbers backing it up who who is the guy who goes for it the most and who's the guy who it plays a game that makes you absolutely insane watching well um doug peterson from the eagles is one of the most aggressive coaches in the league that's one of the huge reasons they won the super bowl in 2017 carson wentz was ridiculous on third and longs.
They had a lot of third and longs that year, and they had just this incredible conversion rate. And in addition, they went for it on fourth down.
So they gained extra points on offense by maximizing the leverage of those downs and not kicking the ball back to their opponent. One of the most conservative coaches right now, I don't know necessarily about the fourth down, but just the style of play is Brian Schottenheimer out in Seattle.
They are one of the most run-heavy teams, and if you analyze the game scripts, the game script typically, the first 15 plays of the game more or less, they have the worst efficiency in the NFL so far. Now, I'm optimistic that they're going to improve.
He's said some intelligent things this offseason, which leads me to believe that they're going to be taking advantage of some of the edges in efficiency that they weren't doing last year. But so far this season, they really have struggled.
If you look at the two teams that they I mean, we're talking about the Cincinnati Bengals and the Pittsburgh Steelers. Pittsburgh was playing with Mason Rudolph for a large part of that game.
And the Pittsburgh defense is not very good this year. And then Cincinnati, I mean, their defense is terrible.
Look at what San Francisco just did to them this past week. They played Cincinnati week one.
They barely won at home. So they need to get a lot more aggressive with their play calls and utilize Russell Wilson a lot more.
That playoff game was the most maddening thing to watch when Seattle just kept on running the ball for two yards and Russell Wilson is the best player on the field. Right.
It drove me nuts. Especially when Dallas was, their strength was their run defense.
I think they were like a top five, top ten run defense, much worse against the pass, and you're just playing right into their hands. The way I always look at football and tell these coaches is I know it's hard because you're in the heat of the moment, but think about the guy on the other side of you, the defense coordinator.
What would he want you to do? What does that guy want you to do? Because chances are, if you do what he wants you to do, you're going to lose that game. And of course, what the defense coordinator for the cowboys said is my strength is my run game i want you to keep running the ball don't use russell wilson that's exactly what seattle did so you got to think about it from that perspective like don't fall into the trap of doing the easy thing that then the defense is going to want you to do you got to attack them and make them uncomfortable right that's shotottenheimer football, though.
That's in his DNA.

That's like telling a bird to go swim for a while.

That's Marty Ball, old school stuff.

I've always thought, and maybe I'm way off base on this because I am dumb,

but is a fourth and goal from seven yards out more difficult to convert than a fourth and seven from midfield?

It is simply because you have less field to work with.

You don't have as much. The defense

is compacted there

because the goal, the end line

is much closer. So there's

less space to work with to try to

convert it. So obviously

the safety can't play deep.

Greg Williams would figure out a way.

He'd have the guy in the second row.

Launching out of some type of a t-shirt can into the field. Life finds a't.
Greg Williams would figure out a way. He'd have the guy like in the second row.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right.
Launching out of like some type of like a t-shirt can. Life finds a way with Greg Williams.
Right, right, right. So in terms of coaching, so we did conservative and most aggressive.
Who's the coach whose play calling on a consistent basis just drives you nuts where he does things and he never deviates? Because like you said, Seattle sounds like they might deviate a little. but who's the guy that you can basically set your watch to and you're like what when will he ever do something different oh man that's a good question it used to be jason garrett you know down in dallas scott linihan jason garrett i mean that that team um it's it just goes to show you with coaching how how much how much value is in coaching The way that that offense looks right now, night and day different than when Scott Linehan was calling plays last season with Jason Garrett.
And a lot of people are just like, oh, that was 100% Scott Linehan. And there was a lot of Jason Garrett mixed into what Scott Linehan was doing.
It was a philosophy, an approach, and a style. And that's what I always say is that coaching matters so much more than we think it does.
We are so ingrained with that this is fantasy football. We know the different players' names now better than we ever have before.
And so we're focused on what the guys are doing on the field. And if they don't convert a first down or they don't get a touchdown, we end up blaming a mistake from the player.
Oh, why did he throw that pass? That was terrible. But the reality is so much of it just starts with the coaches and then putting the players into proper positions.
And that's why I say there's two things that are very difficult to separate out in football. It's very difficult to separate out the performance of a quarterback from his play caller.
Those two are like married so tightly together that it's very difficult to separate out the performance of a quarterback from his play caller those two are like married so tightly together that is very difficult to like you we always talk about the quarterback but we need to understand the context of this play caller you know either holding him back or in the case of like Sean McVay like projecting fourth Jared Goff to become better because Sean McVay is so great and then it's of course the course, the running back and the offensive line. It's hard to create a value of what is the running back because he's so dependent upon that offensive line.
If the offensive line is great, the running back will look good. Some backs can make a mediocre offensive line look better than it is, but for the most part, those two are very correlated together.
Okay. Looking around the league right now, what 0-2 team is better than the record says they are

that we can expect to kind of progress as the season goes on?

Ron, do you have the list of all the 0-2s?

Yeah, I can pull it up.

Let's get it.

Off the top of my head, I'm going to say Redskins, Broncos.

Giants.

Giants.

Who else is on there?

Miami, obviously. Miami is never going to be good.
The Jets. We don't know.
Yeah, the Bengals. The Steelers.
The Broncos. Doing a pretty good job.
The Panthers. We've done a good job with this.
Yeah, I think if – The Jaguars. If the – it depends on Cam Newton, but if Cam Newton gets healthy or like, we don't really know what's going on with Cam right now.
Right. I don't think he's even practicing yet this week.
It was mysterious that last game when they had several fourth and short opportunities and they just did not use the quarterback sneak, which is the most efficient play call in that situation. I mean, it just makes intuitive sense, right? Like you're standing there, you can go up under center, you have one yard to gain, and you just can lean forward, jump into the pile, and project the ball out a little bit.
That is like 83% conversion or 85% league average over the last several years. Getting the ball from either under center or in the shotgun when you're further back and turning and handing it to a running back who's now like four, five, six yards behind the line of scrimmage who then has to run and cover that ground.
Intuitively, it makes sense that those are not going to be quite as efficient play calls, and that's the fact. But when they had fourth and short, they were were not utilizing cam so something told me something was off with cam um so if cam gets better i definitely think the panthers are much better than what the record indicates but if cam still is a problem i mean i've i've actually liked some things that i've seen out of cincinnati but you know once aj green comes back maybe but i mean i i don't i don't see a lot of upside there yeah yeah the fourth and one thing I mean that's I think it's not an underrated part because people have talked about a lot but it is a very it's a part of Tom Brady's greatness that he always gets that fourth and one when he gets under center and just falls forward yeah he's he's amazing he's one of the highest accuracy rates in terms of converting those plays into first down.
And that's the thing. The other thing about some of those plays is a lot of it just has to do with tempo.
You know, how quickly can you get up to the line to call that? If you substitute in like a heavy personnel, and now the defense brings on their heavy personnel, and you're totally telegraphing what you're going to do, then you're losing some of your edge but if you do what brady does oftentimes which is like hurry everybody up keep the defense out on the field that might have been playing dime defense third and eight you know they got the smaller guys in there then you hurry up and sneak it like you're gonna have a good rate and he does uh let's do the tough stuff talk to me about mitch well be nice okay Be honest i'll be nice i'll be nice first and honest second all right the nice thing is that i agree with his head coach in what way in the way that he's utilizing mitch okay so that's like a positive like that i'm on board with their plan okay so explain this to me then so So I think that Nagy going into Denver was like, we are going to game plan this to win the type of game they won, a very close scoring game where we don't make any mistakes, don't turn the ball over, and just win with defense. But wouldn't you say there's this weird thing with Mitch where the balance doesn't ever seem to be there with how much can you let him throw deep and how much are you trying to put him in handcuffs and put him in positions to win.
Because when you never throw deep, I think they had Mitch throw it over seven yards five times in that entire game. You never throw deep.
Everything gets a lot harder for Mitch because everything's moving up

and the run game can't work and everything kind of falls apart in that entire game. You never throw deep.
Everything gets a lot harder for Mitch because everything's moving up and the deep in the run game can't work and everything kind of falls apart in that respect. Right.
I mean, that's one of the basic tenets of like the air raid offense, which is pretty effective and now being utilized in the NFL. But other teams understand the concept of spacing.
You've got to get the proper spacing so that you can get the matchups and the edges for the skill position players in space. And so with Mitch, you're absolutely right.
They, I think, did not respect Joe Flacco, which, I mean, for good reason. Yeah, he stinks.
For good reason. He stinks.
So they probably thought we can play this conservative style. We like our defense.
And maybe they were concerned about Vic Fangio. You know, maybe they're concerned that Vic was going to scheme some things up and get after Mitch.
And he knows Mitch's traits and tendencies. So we're not going to throw the football as much.
But when we know that passing is so much more efficient than rushing, it's just a fact. Like we talked about earlier, passing is the way to win games.

I think it was from the 50-yard line when they were in Denver territory driving to score a touchdown.

They had 18 plays, and 15 of them were runs.

The touchdown drive was all running.

They only let Mitch Trubisky throw the ball three times out of 18 plays

in Chicago territory when they're going to score a touchdown.

That shows – I know it's like – so the good part is we know it's Joe

Thank you. three times out of 18 plays in Chicago territory when they're going to score a touchdown.
That shows, I know it's like, so the good part is, we know it's Joe Flacco, and so we're going to take this conservative approach. But the bad part is that we should be passing more.
It's going to give us a bigger edge if we have a quarterback who can at least complete a minimum threshold of accuracy, a minimum threshold of yards per attempt. And I don't know if they don't feel like Mitch is there or they just don't have a lot of confidence.
But when you look at the numbers, I think, what was it? He was the only quarterback to win a game throwing for 120 yards or less and 4.4 yards per attempt or less since he did it himself the prior year.

And there was only like four quarterbacks in the last four years to do that.

I want to say like Brock Osweiler was one and Jay Cutler was one.

And that was, I think, Cutler with the Dolphins.

So it was, you know, it's just not a great list to be on.

So what is the future for Mitch?

And like where is there a fix? Or are you in the camp of this is kind of what Mitch is? It's hard. What is he in? Year three right now.
Year three, but I don't count year one because it's John Fox. Okay.
That's fair, right? It is fair. John Fox definitely nowhere near Nagy in terms of play calling and decision-making as a coach.
The tough part is quarterbacks mature so much year one to year two. I mean, that's why I knew Lamar Jackson was going to explode this year, amongst some other things I was looking into.
Lamar Jackson obviously is doing great, much better than a lot of people thought. And it's this year two jump that these guys end up taking.
I mean, it's hard. Year one, you're a rookie quarterback entering the NFL.
Defenses are a defenses are a lot bigger faster stronger you have to know a lot more information you study it it's tough year two is when they get under control that's why year two Mitch Trubisky which was year one Nagy looked so good it was not just that he had new plays to run but he had more confidence and was more comfortable quarterback in the NFL and in addition they played like a very difficult schedule his rookie year and a much easier schedule in 2018 right now he's got a little bit more of a difficult schedule and he doesn't have the benefit and all these defensive coordinators studied what he did last year with the first read you know this play is designed like this is the primary read we're not going to have Mitch make tons of progressions like we're going to go through to this first guy. And defenses have been able to study that and pick up on it.
So where do we go with Mitch? It's a tough question. I mean, look, I personally didn't think Jared Goff was worth that contract because I thought so much of what he was doing.
His performance was tied to his head coach. But in today's NFL, we're paying quarterbacks who, as long as they're not terrible, we're paying them, right? Like we're going to give Joe Flacco a big contract because he just won the Super Bowl.
And do we want to tell the rest of the teams, our fan base, that, well, yeah, he won the Super Bowl, but we're going with this rookie IQ because we don't want to pay Flacco? No, they're going to pay these guys. So I think it's probably close, as long as he can turn it around this year and become average, I'd say, and then maybe a little bit above average next year, they're going to keep him.
If he's terrible, though, this year, then I think they've got to look in another direction, although I don't have much faith in your GM. Oh, you don't like Ryan Pace? Why? So you're not consulting for the Bears? Why? No, I'm making a list, by the way, of the teams he's bashed.
So far, it's Cowboys, Seahawks, Bears, so we can scratch those up. We'll narrow it down eventually.
So why don't you like Ryan Pace? Okay. Ryan Pace has drafted the fewest players in the NFL the last three years.
But Khalil Mack. Right.
He traded assets in the future for a player currently, and that's a great strategy if you're on the cusp of winning, which they thought that they were. And so I don't fault that completely because Mack is a stud who's deserving of that.
But what ends up happening when you bring on guys from other teams who look good elsewhere, especially in free agency, which is a big spender in free agency, there's two things that happen. The first thing that happens is that those guys looked good in their system, and now you're trying to fit them into your system.
And oftentimes, it's like a square peg in a round hole. It doesn't quite work.
And then you're left with overpaying because in free agency, like guys aren't cheap in free agency. They're there because people are outbidding one another to get their services.
So that's a problem to begin with. And then number two, when you utilize free agency a lot, you take away the opportunity to get comp picks.
Comp picks are free picks that the NFL started giving out with the new CBA. They give out 32 of these picks a year to the teams that end up losing the most high paid free agents.
Like some other team signs this guy and sign up for a high contract. So then they'll give you a comp pick.
And these are as high as like the third round, which is very high. And now you can actually trade these picks.
Like before the first few years, you couldn't trade the comp picks. Now you can trade them.
They're just like any other pick. Pace has never received a comp pick.
He's so active in free agency that he burns the opportunity. If you sign a guy and you let go of a guy, those offset and you don't get a comp pick for him, even if the guy you're letting go is pretty well paid.
So oftentimes bottom line is like he's got the fewest comp picks of any gm in the nfl over the last several years so he's missing out on that he's spending a lot for these free agents and he's not having a lot of players to draft because he's trading draft picks for those guys they're going to be i think they're projected to have the second highest cap hit in the nfl next year They're supposed to be over the cap by, I forget the exact number. So like, they've got a lot of decisions upcoming.
And then you talk about, you know, maybe paying Mitch Trubisky. Well, we're all in.
We're all in right now. That's what my counterpoint would be.
We're all in. Right.
And I hope it works out, right? I hope it works out. This is the time to be all in when you have a quarterback on his rookie deal there we go let's spin it positive for you talk about the bears for five minutes we get one good thing what about uh another quarterback that i'm kind of interested in this year jimmy garoppolo so we haven't seen that much out of him just at all really now that i think about it we really don't know if jimmy garoppolo can play football or not because we saw him in new england for a little bit he had that one stretch in san franc where he played a bunch of bad teams, didn't play as well as people think that he played, but now he has to be the future out there because of the contract.
Do you see any hope out of him? I do, yeah. I think San Francisco, I got asked on Coward Show, which coordinator I think is named.
Don't say his name on our show. I didn't get asked on anybody's show.
Which coach I thought was better, McVay or Shanahan? And I like them both, but there's a lot to like about Shanahan that people aren't aware of. One of the things I love about Shanahan is just how creative he is in his personnel groupings.
They use a lot of 21 personnel, which is two running backs and one tight end. Not as many teams in the league use it.
The Patriots use it the second most in the league with Devlin as a fullback. But the 49ers use it the most with Kyle Juszczyk as their fullback.
And they're just tremendous. He's so creative with the play calls and the personnel groupings and scheming up great matchups.
That's one of the good things that he does is you look at his roster, right? Who are these running backs? They keep signing these overpriced running backs that come in like McKinnon, and then these guys get hurt and don't even play. Meanwhile, these undrafted free agents like Breida and Mostert, Rasheem Mostert, are like crushing it in this offense.
And so I think that they're really creative. But Jimmy Garoppolo, I would love to be a quarterback for Kyle Shanahan.
I mean, look what he did with Matt Ryan. You know, like a lot of people before Shanahan got involved with Matt Ryan were thinking like, what's, you know, what is Matt Ryan going to be? And then all of a sudden he's producing these crazy seasons with Kyle Shanahan the first year with Kyle is never really the best it's always like year two year three because his offense is a little bit difficult to pick up the nuances and things of it so Jimmy Garoppolo I think you know they don't have great receiving talent they just lost their left tackle they don't running backs, but it's a really good offense, and I've been impressed the first two weeks.
Why can't I quit betting on the Falcons? What's their problem? What's the Falcons' problem? They lead the league in fucking up in the red zone, advance that from PMT. You can put that on your site.
And we didn't look up the numbers, but I think they do. But what is the Falcons like problem? They have so much talent and it's just, it seems like it never is realized.
No, it was especially a problem in the red zone. We'll see what their new offensive coordinator ends up doing because pre the, the previous tenure was extremely bad ever since Shanahan left with their play calling down there.
And they would do the things that I hate, which is like, let's trot on jumbo formation and bring all these big guys in and then we'll actually run out of that formation. So the defense is prepared to stop it.
It's like one of the most efficient. The only team that's really good at that is the New England Patriots.
If you're not the Patriots, you need to spread teams out at the goal line, spread them out and run or condense it and pass. Passing out of heavy sets, like two wide receiver sets, whether in 21 or 12, passing out of those heavier sets where the defense has personnel on to think that it's going to be run.
Mentally, they're cued in because there's limited space to work with down there. So they've got to make sure that you don't get two yards because that could be the difference so they're like more keyed than anything to stop that run you got your heavy personnel offensively and you pass out of it it's a very efficient as is spreading out the defense in like 11 personnel which is three wide receivers spread out and then don't bring in like your hog don't bring in like adrian peterson to try to plow through that defense let like your little scat bat chris thompson come in there those guys actually have just as much efficiency when you're in spread formation running in short yardage near the goal line as do the heavy hogs but they're smaller they're smaller that's the mind of an nfl coach but this guy's smaller and we don't need very many yards right or and i've got adrian peterson Peterson.
What is the press going to say to me if I stick Adrian Peterson on the bench and I use Chris Thompson and then it doesn't score a touchdown? The press, we're paying Adrian Peterson all this money. He's much bigger.
That's, I think, part of the big reason that coaches make decisions sound so stupid, but they're concerned what the repercussions are going to be at press conferences. What are they going to have to answer to as a result of this? Instead of stop caring what the press thinks, make intelligent decisions, the results eventually will follow.
That's why the best coaches, it's a chicken and an egg, but the best coaches are the ones that have had success and they know that their reputation kind of precedes themselves. Andy Reid, Doug Peterson winning a Super Bowl, I think, gave him the ability.
He was doing it before the Super Bowl, but no one's going to question him now that he has a Super Bowl. And so those guys, you know, and why Bill Belichick is Bill Belichick is he doesn't care what the press says.
He just does what is the right play at that right time. Yep, absolutely.
Fuck, this is all going bad for the Bears because I feel like Matt nagy's like he's now feeling the press fuck uh can you explain to us real quick uh because we've been pretending we've been doing a really good job pretending to understand what you mean when you say 11 personnel 12 personnel 21 percent can you just like give us a baseline on all that okay so there's five offensive linemen and there's a quarterback on pretty much every play you've got those six and you've got 11 players on offense so 11 minus six is five five there you go okay so you're quicker than yep you've got you got five skill positions and so the way that personnel groupings are discussed is the first number is your number of running backs the second number is the number of tight if you have 11, you have one running back, one tight end. Yeah.
Three wide receivers. So the number that's unsaid is the wide receiver number.
Exactly. The number that's unsaid is the wide receiver number and you calculate it by subtracting the first two digits from five.
So if you're in 10 personnel, what's 10? 10 is tight ends one running back and and four wide receivers exactly so army runs a third 32 personnel yeah yeah okay no wide receivers three running backs two tight ends there are some a lot of teams uh now it's be it is becoming more in vogue with some of these old older school coaches or teams of 22 where they just stick one wide receiver out there. They've got two tight ends on either side of the line, a fullback and a running back, and they run out of 22.
Actually, Detroit's doing that a lot this season. Interesting.
Now on the defensive side, what team do you think – because we haven't really talked about defense that much this year. The narrative has been, you know, quarterback play quarterbacks getting hurt.

What offenses are looking good.

Who are the elite defenses in the NFL right now?

Well,

I didn't know that the Patriots were going to get all this influx of offensive talent.

So this off season,

when I was writing my book and kind of predicting the season,

I said,

this could be the season that the Patriots defense actually could carry

their offense a little bit, because I think this Patriots defense is damn good. Really good, really underrated.
As it turns out, then, you know, the Patriots got the services of Antonio Brown. Josh Gordon came back into the fold.
So they've got these ride receivers where their offense is going to be great now, although now they're getting injuries on the offensive line. I'm sure they've got one of the best offensive line coaches in the league Dante Skarniecki so they'll be able to work around that with Brady but shout out your book by the way I use that knowledge that I read in your book in Schooled Hank week one I told him the Patriots because I took the under and the Steelers Patriots and I was like the Patriots defense is going to be one of the best defense yeah they're now he's walking around the office telling everyone I'm like I told you yeah that's what you they're so that's the guy behind the guy right here yeah guy guy yeah yeah the patriots are are really good you know some team like i don't what's going to happen with the landscape of defenses now that you've got some of these cornerbacks demanding to leave and then getting traded i mean if ramsey leaves jacksonville that is going to make big difference in their defense, and that's historically been one of the best defenses in the league the last few years.
The Bears. The Bears are another team with a really great defense.
They lose Vic Fangio. How much of their scheme is going to devolve versus how strong? There's a lot of.
Now, defense is a lot more about secondary play and takeaways

because more teams are passing the football.

So if you can get, like, five good DBs out there,

that's more valuable at times than, you know,

having the massive strength of your edge rushers

and having just adequate secondary.

Because teams end up, especially if you gain a lead, what's that opponent going to do? They're forced to pass even more. So, you know, pass rush is always going to be valuable, right? But it seems like it's flipped because it used to be like, I'm just thinking about the Giants when they're winning Super Bowls.
It was their front four could get pressure with just four and the secondary doesn't really matter who's out there. Right.
And if you still can get pressure consistently with just four, you're going to be in a good place. Right.
And one of the things that like the Bears were able to do last year is they were able to get a lot of pressure and Khalil Mack was, you know, you didn't have to send a lot of guys. You didn't have to blitz a ton.
And that's the thing like with Greg, what Greg Williams does, you know, he sacrifices the back end completely in order to try to generate pressure with all these blitzes. But what ends up happening is what Josh Allen was able to do week one.
I think he was blitzed like 44% of his dropbacks. He was only sacked one time.
So Josh Allen from the Bills was able to elude that pressure, evade that pressure, because quarterbacks nowadays are more mobile than ever before so if you move around the pocket a little bit buy yourself a little bit more time that puts extra pressure on the secondary to keep up with the defend keep up with the offensive players are you a big josh allen guy um i was very uh like hesitant about him you hate coming out guys no no no i was very hesitant about him coming You hate all of our guys. No, no, no.
I was very hesitant about him coming out because of his accuracy issues, which everybody talked about. DraftJoshAllen.com.
We had a website. I actually visited the website.
It was well done. You should have changed your mind.
But what I did end up coming around to is that I think year two is going to be that big jump for him him and one of the reasons I think that is because what Buffalo did with their receivers they did something pretty unique that not a lot of teams do is instead of like they used to have Calvin Benjamin you know big guys tall long arms who they felt like if he's a little bit less accurate this guy can just grab the ball wherever it ends up being if it's thrown in his direction because he's tall. The problem is those guys don't have the speed to get open.
So the defenders are always right next to those guys down the field. What the Bills ended up doing is going in a different direction and bringing in guys like John Brown and drafting guys who are short and quick, the complete opposite of Kelvin Benjamin, guys who are going to get open quickly and find holes in the defense so that Josh Allen no longer has to throw where a defender is nearby, but getting to throw to wide open space where this guy is going to run into it, the little quick guy.
So I have higher expectations of Josh Allen this season than I did in the past. Okay, so second year bump for Josh, second year bump for Lamar.
Where are we at on Sam Darnold? I know besides the mono, take the mono off. Imagine he's a virgin, never kissed anybody before.
Where were you? Mono free. Yeah, mono free.
I'm big on Darnold. I like Darnold.
I liked what I saw in limited glimpses last season. And the problem is with all these guys, you have to factor in context.
If you're just looking at stats or you're just watching the film and you're not understanding the context of the situation, you're going to be missing half the story. Josh, sorry, Sam Darnold was put into ridiculously bad situations by Jeremy Bates, his offense coordinator from last year.
The guy was terrible from a coordinator perspective. And Sam Darnold was playing from behind the sticks.
They didn't have a run game at all. That's why they went and got Le'Veon Bell.
They didn't have a run game. And they had one of the highest run rates on early downs in the league.
They had one of the longest average yards to go on third down in the league. And just putting Sam Darnold in precarious situations, they also had one of the toughest schedules, the fifth most injured wide receiver core, one of the most injured running back cores.
So when you understand the context of all the crap that Darnold faced last year, I had massive high expectations for him this season. I thought he was definitely going to be able to take that next step.
He has to step past mono, and then maybe he can take the next step. But I still have high expectations for him, assuming he comes back fine.
What about a guy like Baker who had a really good first year? Are you seeing him as taking another big step his second year? Because how much higher can the ceiling on him get than how he played for the second half of 2018? Yeah, he was unbelievable last year in the second half. And the trouble with what they're doing right now in Cleveland, they have a wealth of riches at the wide receiver position, and they have a lack of depth at the tight end position.
And the reason why that's a factor is because when Freddie Kitchens took over for Hugh Jackson and Todd Haley in 2018, one of the first things that he did was he utilized a lot more 12 personnel. That's one running back, two tight ends, and they were able to pass protect better for Baker, and he had more time in the pocket, and he started picking apart these defenses a lot easier.
Targeting tight ends is the most efficient target that a quarterback can make in the league because of the areas of the field they operate in, which is generally over the middle, and those are very high percentage passes, and the defense can't navigate that area quite as well anymore with the rule changes. It's just a softer area.
And in addition, like the matchups, they're generally on guys that are either shorter but fast or taller but slow. And so these tight ends.
So anyways, you have two tight ends out on the field you can either keep them in to pass protect you can send them out in routes he was really good in 12 personnel last year well now they have david and joku who obviously got hurt early in the game uh on monday night football but you have david and joku and you don't really have a good tight end number two and you don't have a very good offensive line and what freddie kitchens is doing because they don't have like that good tight end number two is they're playing a lot more 11 personnel three wide receivers only one tight end and baker was not good in 11 personnel even with freddie last season and baker has struggled so far this season in 11 personnel when you don't have as much help on the offensive line to help pass protect, the rush can get to you a lot easier and fluster you. And when Baker gets under pressure, he's human like everybody else.
It's one of my criticisms about McVay in the Super Bowl. They're playing the Patriots.
If you remember watching that game, that pass rush kept coming and coming from New England, constantly throwing Jared Goff off, constantly getting heat on him. And the Rams continued to run 11 personnel.
They felt like their two tight ends were not very good, not good enough to keep in there to help block. But what you need to realize, and I'm not saying I'm smarter than Sean McVay, but just the numbers bear it out last season, especially when Cooper Cup went out,

that they're more efficient with those two tight ends out on the field because they can get in the

way of the defender and just make it like an extra split second, a couple minutes of time,

not a couple minutes, but like a split second, two seconds, whatever, that that defender edge

rusher has to get around the guy. Even if he dominates him, it still takes him a little bit

longer to get to the quarterback. And that's beneficial to the protection, to the quarterback, his ability to read the defense and see the field and throw.
So I think that Freddie Kitchens needs to utilize less 11 personnel, but it's hard because you've got Odell Beckham and you've got Jarvis Landry, and so they've got all these wide receivers they Browns and the Rams. All right, so to update my list, Cowboys, Seahawks, Eagles, Rams, Bears,

Cleveland, Redskins, none of those teams you work for.

He did praise the Patriots.

He praised the Patriots, but do you think – actually, no, Belichick would.

Yeah, Belichick would.

Ernie Adams would give him a call.

He would.

All right, I have one last question.

Seeky question.

Put in promo code TAKE.

You get $10 off.

Go to an NFL game.

Promo code TAKE.

Talk to me about shovel passes a lot a lot more teams need to utilize trickery yeah gadget plays in the nfl shovel passes shovel passes uh they just look cool they do look cool um in in general, when you do things that are a little bit different,

you end up having some success because the defense is playing a certain mindset.

Okay.

A certain style.

What we end up seeing, and this goes beyond the shovel pass discussion

but just a broader discussion, when teams do something really out of the box

but they do it well, they stick to it,

like the way that the Ravens played last year, even though Lamar wasn't dominating from their

passing game, they were using a lot of rushing and they were doing things just totally different.

And that catches teams off guard because they're not used to playing that team. The Patriots use

a fullback a ton, you know, and so defense are like, oh crap, we got to deal with this fullback

blocking for these running backs every single time we play. The Patriots, most other teams

around the league don't do that. The Rams, when they had Cooper Cup healthy and they were tons

Thank you. crap, we've got to deal with this fullback blocking for these running backs every single time we play the Patriots.
Most other teams around the league don't do that. The Rams, when they had Cooper Cup healthy and they were tons of 11 personnel, when Cup went down, that's when they should have used more 12.
But when Cup was there, no other team plays this much 11. We have to make adjustments.
So if you were an offense that utilized a different style of three wide receivers, shovel passing personnel, more frequently, you could have an edge. As long as you practice it a lot and you're really good at it and you design some sound plays around it, then you're going to have the edge against the defense because they don't practice against those very often.
So the all-shovel pass offense would work. I'm hearing a yes on the shovel pass then.
Exclusively shovel pass. Have you ever run the numbers on a designed lateral from a wide receiver after, you know, like a hook and ladder type play and seen what the fumble percentage is on that first pass back? I have not, but you're actually – that's a really interesting point because one of the guys that works at my site now, Kevin Kelly, he's the high school coach, if you ever remember, Pulaski High School.
They did profile him who never punts. The guy who never punts, right? And so his next innovation or one of the things that he wrote about was that in the future, more teams will look to do downfield laterals of the football.
Because it's very difficult for the defense. It puts a lot of stress on them.
They're not accustomed to – they're all running to the ball. This is the guy who's got the ball beyond the line of scrimmage.
He's the only guy I have to worry about to tackle, right? But if you design something off of that, where you did have some semblance of success, that would be big. The problem is that turnovers are like the biggest differentiator in wins and losses in the NFL.
If you win the turnover battle, other stats be damned, you're going to win 80% of your games. Right.
But I would counter that by saying if you run plays like that consistently that are drawn up to get your guys in space, yeah, you might fumble every now and again, but the big plays that you would get every time you converted on those would outweigh those turnovers. That is true.
One of the big things in the NFL now, because everything's becoming more efficient and passing is more efficient and there's not as many incompletions, it's how are we going to balance these explosive plays with the efficient ones? Because if you just solely do efficient, like you're talking about with Matt Nagy, and the defense came up because they never were throwing the the ball down the field and if you're never trying to get the chunk plays you're just trying to get these efficient ones where you're gaining five six seven yards at a time like the defense is going to be keyed in so you've got to balance those big chunk plays with the efficient ones that's something that the Ravens are doing really well this year but you're absolutely right if you can balance that and if you practice it enough so that you aren't as prone to fumbling I mean that really could be another innovation down the road I've been saying it for the last like three or four years like this is an exploitation that you get because if you look at the percentage of you know end of game plays when they're running these you know like the Dolphins against the Patriots last year you know most of them don't end up in touchdowns like that. But usually they complete at least the first lateral when it's designed.
And that's all you'd be looking for in this type of offense. So maybe I'm a little bit ahead of time.
Well, the other thing on those plays, though, keep in mind, the defense is playing just to prevent you from getting the touchdown. Right.
So they'll sag back and let those first maybe one or two go OK. And then they'll start to collapse on you.
But you can also look at it from a different perspective in that if the defense is just playing regular and you are able to complete those one or two, there's not going to be anybody back there to defend it. So the defense isn't playing for just a touchdown.
They're playing to keep you from getting a first down. Awesome.
All right, well, I think we just scratched the surface. So you're a recurring guest now.
You're going to be back on every time you're in New York. You have to do that.
You just put us in one of the teams you're consulting with. So we're the 10th team.
Got it. And just so everyone knows, he's not consulting for the Cowboys, Seahawks, Eagles, Rams, Bears, Cleveland, or the Redskins.
Do you just want to have me as a recurring guest so that you can try to get through the whole thing? We will eventually get there. Yes.
We will eventually get there. And then we then we will blackmail you so this is kind of a long con and it's going to work uh but warren sharp thank you so much sharp football analysis.com what's your twitter handle at warren sharp at sharp football at sharp football check it out if you want to be a smarter football fan he is the guy for you um thank you very much yeah thanks.
Thanks, guys. Hockey is on.
And no matter the city, no matter the team, no matter the game, whether it's face-off or penalty shots, regular season or playoffs, win or lose, No matter what happens. No matter where it happens.
New Amsterdam Vodka is there. Also Larry's last pick is going to be featured in the Barstool Sports Advisor show on Sunday morning and Hank usually leaks it on Friday.
Friday. If you want to watch it early.
Yep, check it out. probably the best one yet.
Ooh. Okay.
Ooh. Nice.
Going to be tough to beat Ben Shapiro. Yeah.
You're going to have to undersell this a little bit, Hank. It sucks.
It's the worst one ever. Prove me wrong.
Okay. Let's do a couple quick things before we end the show.
We have Portnoy's complaints coming up. We also have to do Firefest.
Hank, kick us off your Firefest of the week. I feel like this has been a reoccurring theme this past year.
Big Cat's kind of seen it as I've gotten older. But in my older age, I have joined a basketball team, and it's just one of those things where, obviously, I haven't been playing as much in the past few years, but before, if I was like 21, 22, 23, I could go.
I could play a full game a full game contribute be pretty good now it's like you don't play for a couple years you join you get out there you're terrible and you want to die just from running up and down the court and it's just it's my fire fest is just old age yeah and just my body like not being the same way it was your body's no longer wonderland it's turned into lamar od's body, except without all the boner pills and whores. Yeah.
Yeah, pretty much. A lot of candy, a lot of sugar.
No. Oh.
Yeah. Regular, just candy.
Okay, got it, got it. And Coca-Cola.
Yeah, yeah. That sucks.
There's nothing worse than having that first... I actually think I have Rabdo right now.
And it's one of those things, I signed up for the league, and it's like all of a sudden, when it's like, oh, we're playing tonight, it's like, fuck. I'll have to go out there.
I'm going to suck. Yeah.
It's going to be terrible. If you don't have Rabdo, you're just not working out.
Yeah. I think I have Rabdo.
PFT, what's your fire fest? My fire fest of the week is that we, me and you collectively, scored a lot of points. Nobody cares about our fantasy football team.
But we led the league in scoring last week in Hank's little fantasy football world, his little universe, his fantasy football funhouse podcast, and somehow we didn't get elected Team of the Week, even though the first team that was Team of the Week was elected Team of the Week because they led the league in scoring. Interesting.
It's a sliding scale. I just think it's interesting.
And you still don't follow Big Cat on Twitter. That can't be true.
I just thought it was interesting. That's all.
I mean, listen, it's a sliding scale.

I also just... What do you mean a sliding scale?

It's a sliding scale.

There's certain intangibles.

You could have just a great player.

You could make a great pick

or a great start-up sit-up,

and that can warrant your team of the week.

It's not just about points.

Fantasy football is all about the intangibles.

Exactly.

We dominated,

and we didn't get fantasy football team of the week. I honestly don't care about our fantasy team.
I also just figured you guys wanted to come on the show, so I didn't really want to put that out there. I'm not going to lie.
I was just too scared to ask. I don't care about our team, but I do care about not being respected in my own podcast studio.
Correct. Yeah.
It's taped here. I know.
That's why. I'm sorry.
You're welcome. I'm sorry.
We should send him a bill at the end of the year for studio time.

It's pretty expensive. What are we renting out? 200 an hour.
215 an hour with the new windows. Yep.
215 an hour. So where should we send that? Connor.
Okay. Big 10.
All right. Big 10.
I have two Fyre Fest. The first is I have now become a Starbucks mobile order guy.
Sucks. Why is that? I don't know.
Is that even a thing? Yeah. So I spent like 20 minutes basically every day waiting for my coffee while people just walk in and get their mobile order because i and then i realized these baristas even though the starbucks is empty they're just making mobile orders all day and it sucks because now i have to join that side and be a mobile order guy but i feel like the rules to society are completely crumbling this is where new york sucks is because you are now ordering online right to avoid waiting online

right and i'm so confused this whole thing sucks because there used to be like the idea of going

to a coffee shop standing in line getting your coffee in a reasonable amount of time there was

an experience.

Now, all these mobile order assholes have ruined that experience because the baristas are just making their orders. Yep.
And so I can't be a sucker and wait 25 minutes for a coffee. So now I have to join them.
And basically, I'm just becoming a robot. You're getting TSA pre-check for caffeine.
Yeah, it sucks. So what you should do to even cut down your time more is just walk into Starbucks, stand where they put the drinks out, and just look really impatient until one of them is like, hey, what are you waiting for? And you're like, I'm waiting for my iced coffee.
And they just pour you an iced coffee, and then you leave. I wonder if I could just steal mobile orders.
I'm sure you could. I thought about that at Panera.
Not that I would do it, but what if I just took this bag? What's everybody in New York next week I'm gonna steal a mobile order and I'll report back it's cute I'm just gonna walk in and just take whatever coffee I think looks the best and I will report back on how it went do you have a coffee for Kalen with yeah wise and that because how yeah here you what are they gonna say to me I'm like oh well I have more I do more more orders I thought I hit submit my bad and they're like that says sarah be like well sorry yeah yeah if you if you french if you just say that you need either one of the cold brew ones like the nitro cold brew or an iced coffee and they see you waiting around long enough that's so easy for them to do they'll just go ahead and make it for you right so yeah being a mobile order guy, I'll let you guys know how it goes. I just don't feel good about it because it feels like all of the things that we can depend on in life have just completely gone away.
You just walk in, grab your coffee, and leave. The future is here.
It sucks. Eventually, we're going to get to a point where we don't have to talk to anybody ever.
Well, I like that. But my other Fyre Fest is, have you guys been getting a lot of porn bots recently like more than usual but it's like full videos i don't know what you're talking about yeah responses all right so i've been getting a lot of the responses that are just full videos you've been getting that i've been getting a ton of them so but you always have to watch well that's my problem my fire fest is i always watch for more than like 10 seconds and then i snap to and I'm like, wait, you're just watching porn on the subway or you're just watching porn at your office.
And I'm now a porn guy because I stare too long at the porn reply. I think you have to worry when you get to the point where when you get to the point where you start looking away, that's when you have a problem.
If you put porn in front of me, I'm going to look for at look for at least 10 seconds well that's so what is the because what happens is i i start watching it and i'm like because it will be a reply to like you know bears are back and then it's just hardcore fucking underneath it yeah and i i look at it and i'm like oh this is just hardcore fucking and then i stare and then like they've switched positions and I'm still watching. And now I'm watching porn, but I'm just not in a setting.
I should be watching porn. Yeah.
What's the classy amount of time to watch porn at work? Cause you don't want to be rude and under two minutes and you're good. If you watch porn for under two minutes, you're good.
Okay. That's not fully watching the porn.
Just don't torrent it.

As long as you don't ejaculate, it's fine.

As long as you don't unzip your pants.

If you go dick over waistband,

that's not watching porn. I have a FireFest to capitalize off your FireFest.

I forgot about it.

I was the Tekashi69.

I'm sure you guys remember him.

He's in court these past two days.

And I saw a couple tweets about it

so i wanted to look up some of like what was going on in court and i just typed in 69 in my twitter search and that was disgusting so what happened there was some disgusting images what happened disgusting or beautiful disgusting was there from the americans whether side to side i don't even really want to get into it i'm it was disgusting here i'll do it what did tak's he doing? He turned state's witness? Yeah, he's just snitching. Snitch 9.
Mm-hmm. Okay, got it.
6ix9ine. 6ix9ine.
What do you guys think about my boots? Okay, let's see what Coconut Kitty's boot... Oh, it's actually just a picture of her naked.
That's very tricky. You weren't trying to get me to look at your boots.
Wait, it doesn't say... It says you can't even look up pictures for 6ix9ine? What's the point? If you scroll down from top, it should.
Okay, I am. I don't think it's that bad.
No, it's not so bad, Hank. You're kind of a prude.
You need to get more porn replies. I'll try and send you a...
If you're a porn bot listening to this show, start replying to Hank's tweets more often with porn. Appreciate that.
Thanks, porn bot. Okay, we now welcome on our favorite recurring guest.
It's been forever because you got big time and you got your own serious show. It's Mr.
Portnoy. We're going to do some Portnoy complaints to finish out the week.
What's up? All right, I only have one big complaint, and as you know, I have bad things that are going to hit me if I'm here more than four minutes. Yeah, so Mrs.
Portnoy is in the office as well.

I'm on a very strict timer right now.

No, she said you had all the time in the world.

But you said to us before, the amount of times I've waited for her,

I can do 10 minutes with my best friends.

10 minutes?

I could do 10 days.

Yeah, I know.

You have your own show.

Same for the show.

No, listen. I have one complaint which really occurred today, which I know about before I even do it.
We came here. We're going to take an Uber.
Not an Uber. Oh, come on.
You sold out? You get one radio show. You start taking enunciation classes.
You're losing your flavor. Do it again.
All right. Okay.
I'm going to take an Uber. Wait, wait.
You take a what? Uber. Okay.
You know, you caught me once with doing that today. I'm half asleep.
Anyway, make a long story short. We, both of us, just got new phones.
And I also did an update. So I've had no problems with the Uber before.
We go to do it today and we're running out of time to get to the train station and the thing doesn't recognize me as being a human being. Where does it think you are? I don't know what the hell.
You know what my complaint is about this, which is my father, if he was alive today, God rest his soul'm i'm representing my dad here he loved uber

no he didn't know what uber was but these things all right i'm on these these things like uber you know would it be so terrible that there was a phone number to call yeah thing if the thing wasn't working that's actually a great point yeah there is no phone number. There is no one out there

from Uber that

has to respond to anything.

It'd be nice if... if the thing wasn't working.
That's actually a great point. There is no phone number.
There is no one out there from Uber

that has to respond to anything.

It'd be nice if there was a phone number

and then maybe instead of an Uber picking you up,

it was like a yellow cab came and got you

at a specific time and then took you to the train station.

As a courtesy to the customer?

Yeah.

We're not a bad idea.

Yeah, we'll go backwards in time.

Here's an idea.

How about Uber just subcontracts all that work out

doing customer service to just anybody with a cell phone

And customer yeah we're not a bad idea we'll go backwards in time here's an idea how about they just uber just subcontracts all that work out doing customer service to just anybody with a cell phone that wants to be a team member of uber so they can just route it to you it's like uber but for uber complaints okay mrs portnoy is walking in right now so the uber is the biggest complaint now i also come on in we have a mic set up we were just talking about you a second i i want to go back for a second though you just said that you got a new phone and you updated that phone mrs portland in the same week that seems like that had to have set you back months she also got a new phone number passwords and everything you got to put in new stuff? Look, I don't let her speak. No, no, no, no.
You really do want to go back in time. No, I don't want to.
I don't really want to hear her version. Are you sure you're Dave's dad? I don't need to hear what she's going to say.
I know what she's going to say. You don't, but I do.
Okay, well, I would like to hear it at least. Ms portnoy is here she's she can she can uh you know acquit herself of this uber fiasco also just so you know mr portnoy said i've waited for her for 45 years she can wait so i can do a 10 minute podcast that's what he said not me words to that effect not quite the way he said it i'm afraid once i start i'm not going to No, that's.
No, that's okay. That'll be good.
Is there another way for me to get out of here? No, we got you trapped back here. This trip I planned.
Okay. And I had a few things I wanted to do.
One of them was to see a good friend of mine who was going to be waiting for us because Mr. Portnoy decided to do this.
I didn't decide to do it. I'm trying to help my friends out here.
Thank you. We appreciate it.
We need the Portnoy bump. The Uber this morning was a complete disaster.
And there's nobody else on this continent that can't get an Uber except my husband and me. So we're in rough shape.
i explained to him that these were two new phones we hadn't done it since we got the new phones and i want to say one other thing wait wait wait wait what does your phone think you are when you tried to get an uber what did it say when it just didn't even have you as like a location on the map it said f you do you remember so people who don't understand like i'm thinking about you getting a new phone and what that had to do to your day-to-day living it was probably a disaster i remember when we went to lunch a couple years ago and you showed me your phone he said dan why can't i stop getting all this spam email mr portnoy had had just his junk mail open for like months so he wasn't getting regular email he was just getting his junk mail if you ask him this minute to look up a number it will take him 25 minutes he has his phone look up Dan's number see how long it takes it takes him forever who's the most famous person on your cell phone you're talking to me? Yeah. You.
Ooh. Look at my number then.
All right. So I have a question for Mrs.
Portnoy. Since your husband has gotten this radio show and he's become a national superstar and he's able to broadcast his thoughts into every home and rental car in America.
Dangerous. Has he developed a little bit of a diva syndrome? That's what my son calls me.
Walking around with his shoulders back a little bit. Has he been like, hey, go get me my coffee? Anything like that? No, not to me.
He would never do that. But I think he says that.
I don't have a death wish. Now, how can I phrase this? Hurry up.
We got to go. His humor is the only humor.
If I don't get something, you just don't understand him. It's his humor and no humor.
Got it. Okay, that makes sense.
So, any other complaints? Are we good? I could go on a lot more about this. Give us just a tick.
Just throw one out there that let everyone, all the fans, ruminate on. Look, this Uber business, we have a guy, and I've been very fortunate, who is an Uber driver, but he's become kind of my Uber driver.
I love that. He's not diva, folks.
No, I mean, if I call him, I say, can you come by at a certain time, and he's all the time. You don't go through the app.
That's why they banned you as a person is because you've gone rogue.

You've made a direct contact with the driver.

He uses the app when I get in the car.

And what kind of a car does he drive?

Oh, is it a limo?

It's a Jaguar.

Oh, okay.

Nice.

Okay.

So he's away, and that was unfortunate.

I didn't find that out that he's not around until yesterday. Okay.
I hadn't used the app in a long, long time. But I've used it before.
I don't know what the problem is. But when we get back to Boston, I've got a bunch of passwords about this thing.
Keep going. Keep going.
Yeah. I thought you didn't even want to be on.
For some reason, I want to be on. All right, listen.
So let's end it with this. So it really is not your fault, not Mrs.
Portnoy's fault. Nothing is my fault.
It was Jeeves' fault for not being on call. Nothing is my fault.
Yeah, nothing is your fault. But Jeeves needs to make sure he's on call with his Jaguar at all times.
I heard you talking about that on the rundown. I'm talking to Mike.
About a Jeeves situation. You were doing that on the rundown oh yeah that's oh are we reusing material no no no this is completely different i said that if i ever got rich i would hire jared karabas to come over to my house and be a servant and no no just pitch me uh fastballs and i would take him yard and then and then hire scott van pelt to do a top 10 every day i like that that's not a bad on jay on j.
So how are you guys getting out of here if you don't have Uber? Oh, boy. Great question.
I got a friend out there that's hooked us up. I'm not going to give any names.
It's Zah. Oh, Zah.
Okay, Zah. All right.
Well, thank you so much for coming by. Thank you for giving us a complaint.
And the mail? Okay. Burnt? No.
What do you mean? Still singed? Oh, absolutely. It is.
This seems like... He received a check, and it just about was practically burned the other day.
Oh, my God. This seems like it would be the easiest problem in the world to fix.
This has been going off for the length of this show. We've been doing this show for four years.
No, I'm saying it's shocking to me that it's not done yet, especially with this platform that you have. Not this show.
Not this tiny show. No.
But your national radio show. We've been doing this show for four years.
No, I'm saying it's shocking to me that it's not done yet, especially with this platform

that you have. Not this show, not this tiny

show, but your national radio show.

You would think that it would have garnered more attention. To quote

the manager at the

post office, what do you want me to do about it?

There you go. You gotta eat it.

He's got you on that one. Alright, the Portnoy is always

lovely to have you guys on. Thank you so much.

Love you guys on thank you so much love you guys I'm going to call. I'll say it anyway.
Today is another day to find you. Shine away.
I'll come and wear your love away. When the day of day.
I'm going to call it over. Day of day.
I'm going to call it over. I'm going call it over I'm gonna call it over I'm gonna call it over I'm endless to say I'm all descended So far I'll be stumbling away I'm going to call it OPA.
I'm going to call it OPA. OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

I'm going to call it OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

OPA.

Thank you. I'm going to call you.
Just a flame of memories away You're all the things I've got to remember Shying away

I'll be coming for you anyway

I'm gonna call it over