Coach Mike Leach and Dana Holgorsen + Week 2 Picks and Preview

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Speaker 1 On today's part of my take, we have Coach Dana Holgerson, Coach Mike Leach in preparation for the big Friday night Cougar on Cougar action. We're excited to talk to both those guys.

Speaker 1 We have a NFL week two preview and picks. Our picks stink, but Larry's.
Our picks stink.

Speaker 1 Oh, well. Our picks stink.
Our picks stink as a team. Yes.
Don't. You're part of that, Hank.
Where'd you go? 3-1? He went 3-1 because he didn't even know the lines or anything. He just guessed.

Speaker 1 He's basically our goldfish. Yeah, so we're going to do Larry's picks as well during the ads.
Don't hate on Larry. Larry has his picks.
You can also buy the Larry shirts still in stock.

Speaker 1 We have those two coaches on. We have Fantasy Fuck Boys, Fire Fest, FAQ, a Packed Friday show to get you ready for the football weekend.
Before we do that.

Speaker 1 Hey, what's going on there, pal? We saw you at the hockey game on. Do I know you guys? I'm Ryan Whitney.
I got a drink named after me.

Speaker 3 Not a big deal. Pink Whitney?

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I invented the thing, you pigeon. Pink Whitney for legendary moments.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 let's go.

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Today is Friday, September 13th.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's Friday the 13th. Yikes.
Cam Newton is broken. It looked tough out there.
He's broken.

Speaker 1 He had bad body language the whole time. He looked like he was pissed off.

Speaker 1 I don't know what it was, but when you get in a fourth and one situation and you don't just hand the ball to Cam Newton and say, hey, just go fall forward. Forward.

Speaker 1 That thing where you just jump up in the air and stick the ball out. They got cute.
They got cute. And

Speaker 1 in a serious note, like, Cam Newton just doesn't look right.

Speaker 1 He missed, every receiver, he either missed the throw or put it where they shouldn't be thrown. Like he would just simple passes.
They were not thrown in the right position.

Speaker 1 And the whole night, it felt like the Panthers should have won that game. They didn't win that game because Cam Newton is broken.
And there's jealous. And jealous.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, give it to us, Hank. Cam Newton was talking to the press, and he was talking about North Turner, not Rivera.
But he said, I think coach is C-Mac up for fantasy this week.

Speaker 1 He picked up C-Mac for fantasy. I should have went over and seen who he was drafting in this league.
That's probably why we aren't doing deep passes. He should pick me first quarterback.

Speaker 1 Well, so that's like a sub. That's like a ha-ha.
Yeah, yeah. Actually, what the fuck.

Speaker 1 And then Cam, and then Christian McCaffrey goes from 200 all-purpose yards to 50 all-purpose yards, and Cam Newton tries to throw the ball deep and he can't. Dude, Cam Newton actually looks injured.

Speaker 1 Like, seriously. Yeah, I don't think so.
His soul at all. Yeah, his soul.

Speaker 1 He was doing the thing where in the huddle, he would take, like, an extra second after he broke the huddle on his knee and just

Speaker 1 take a sigh. Like,

Speaker 1 maybe, maybe Cam Newton has mono, too. It's like when you wake up in the morning, you have a big day, and you're just like,

Speaker 1 here we go. That's Cam Newton.
His soul is injured. His body's injured.
His soul is injured. He is not right.

Speaker 1 I am done thinking, like, that's one of those teams where it screws with your brain if a team goes to the Super Bowl. And then for the next five years, when nothing drastic changes, you're like, well,

Speaker 1 there's still that Super Bowl team, but they're just not. And Cam Newton is not like last year, they looked good at the start of the season.
He gets injured.

Speaker 1 I think they've lost eight straight Cam Newton starts. I think it's seven.
No, but tonight was eight. Tonight was eight.
Tonight was eight. Yeah, they don't look good at all.

Speaker 1 Verbo meme, you ready for the yikes? Cam Newton is one arm, and then Jameis Winston is the other, and they're slapping hands in the middle. And then in the middle, it says

Speaker 1 not being good at throwing footballs and also stealing things in college at Florida.

Speaker 1 But I will give credit to Jameis Winston. He actually played well tonight.
Not great, but he didn't turn the ball. The very best thing that Jameis Winston did tonight was get sacked a couple times.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's getting good at knowing when to just get hit. He is also, Jameis Winston is the number one in the entire NFL, the number one faller.

Speaker 1 When he falls, he looks like the guy in the infomercial who's just like dumping all the stuff all over his car and has a handful of Cheerios and it just whoops.

Speaker 1 That's him every single time he gets pushed, even a little bit. I think

Speaker 1 his limbs just start flailing everywhere. I think we were saying that he is the most slapstick quarterback.
Yes,

Speaker 1 him and then Eli are like one and one A in terms of like how hilarious they are to get hit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but so I will give credit to Jameis Winston for not turning over the ball because it did feel like all night that we were just waiting for that Jameis Winston interception. Didn't happen.

Speaker 1 Cam Newton just didn't have it, and I don't know when he'll ever have it again. Like, that's a he's now, how old is Cam Newton? 33, 34? No, no, he's younger.
He's like,

Speaker 1 give me a Cam Newton's like 29, I think. They don't make old quarterback, they don't make running quarterback 30.
So

Speaker 1 they don't make old running quarterbacks for a reason. Yeah, so in a situation like that, every other year, I feel like they just give the ball to Cam and say, run forward, run directly forward, Cam.

Speaker 1 And this time they did the fake Philly special, and the timing was all off on it. Cam got up to the line and just kind of hung out next to the tackle for a while.

Speaker 1 It was just, it was a slow developing play. And credit to Bruce Arians for for making a big mistake and calling two timeouts in a row.
Yeah. That actually gave them a look at what the offense was.

Speaker 1 Right. I think it actually was not a mistake.
He was trying, I think he was in a bad set, and he's like, you know what? We'll just give up a yard here and hopefully get in the right defense.

Speaker 1 Because, yeah, I mean, it was. Oh, I knew what I wanted to say as well.
The other thing that happened tonight, because it wasn't a great aesthetic football game. But next Thursday, hold on.

Speaker 1 Titans, Titans, Jackson.

Speaker 1 Fuck you,

Speaker 1 everyone who says Thursday night football sucks. Fuck you.
It's football. It happens every single year.
They're like,

Speaker 1 this is Thursday night football. This is atrocious.

Speaker 1 You really want to watch this? Oh, yes, I do. I want to watch it every Thursday.
If there was not Thursday night football, I'd have nothing to look forward to on Thursday.

Speaker 1 This is Thursday night football. I don't care if it's bad.
I really don't. I just want to watch football.
And you assholes who are just looking for retweets talking about how bad it is, fuck you.

Speaker 1 Right. It's like being

Speaker 1 stranded in the desert and you're so thirsty. You haven't had water in three days.
And guess what? Someone hands you a Diet Mountain Dew.

Speaker 1 It's going to taste awesome. Diet? I'm going to drink the fuck out.
I might beer bogger. I might butt funnel that Diet Mountain Dew.
Yeah, they're like, oh,

Speaker 1 you didn't have any sprite? Yeah, exactly. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I agree. Thursday night shootball is good.
Will always be good, especially next week when it's Jags Titans call rush. Even when it's bad, it's good.

Speaker 1 All right, so the other big. Also, shout out Michael Irvin's suit.
Yes. Which is, we're looking at it right now.

Speaker 1 And Joe Thomas for not only getting skinny but shaving his head, and he looks like a completely different person. Yeah, he does.
He looks like Trent Dilfer after a weekend doing CrossFit.

Speaker 1 Bucks fans that are sitting in the stands right now because we're watching the post-game, that's got to be the weirdest collection of fans.

Speaker 1 The diehard Bucs fans that stay, like who travel to a road game and then stay afterwards. Like, I just saw a guy look like a pirate.
What did you say?

Speaker 1 Chehot. Chayhot.
Yeah. But it is.
I mean, if you had to rank all, I mean, I guess Raiders fans, but we already know what they are.

Speaker 1 Like, the 10 Bucs fans that are still in the Panthers stadium right now, I would like to pick their brands.

Speaker 1 Well, they're just waiting, like, hope against hope for the Bucs to come back out of the tunnel to give them a high five for being there. Right.

Speaker 1 That's something that the NFL could learn from pro soccer is doing the hands over the head applause to the fans when they walk off. Yeah.
That's always a nice little touch. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Look at that suit. NFL fans are just, they're such creatures.
I love them. Because, I mean, I am one myself, and I can say that.
But man, there's just something about them.

Speaker 1 Like, the diehard, die-hard, diehards that travel and then stay and then go to the draft. Football.

Speaker 1 Look at these guys. This is terrible radio, but this guy,

Speaker 1 they're all dressed like it's Halloween, and they got pirate outfits on. All right, other big story we had: Sam Darnold has mono.

Speaker 1 Probably the most embarrassing thing that could happen to your starting quarterback that's about to make his big second-year leap, and the Jets were about to win the Super Bowl, and they were going to be good this year.

Speaker 1 And then Mono

Speaker 1 takes you down. So Adam Gace showed up at his apartment, knocked on the door like it's love, actually, with a bunch of signs.
To me, you have Mono. Yeah.
And let him know face to face.

Speaker 1 I guess that was like a real classic thing for him to do. But at the end of the day, Sam Darnold is going to miss like six to eight weeks because he's tired.
Adam Gace got the news before Darnold?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Is that a HIPAA violation? How does that work? Adam Schefter knew before anybody. Yeah.
Because Adam Scheffter probably made out with him to get his. He was doing some kissing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, gave him the mono. Spin zone for the Jets.
First one. Trevor Simeon.
Not terrible. Northwestern guy.
Greeny should be over the moon about that. But he's not terrible.
Trevor Simeon.

Speaker 1 Trevor Simeon is not good, but he's also not terrible.

Speaker 1 Right? He's not a huge, huge downgrade over Sam Darnold. Over what Sam Darnold currently is.

Speaker 1 Number two, spin zone.

Speaker 1 As far as we know, the Jets quarterback was kissing girls of age, which is an upgrade from former Jet quarterbacks. Big time.
Yeah, so boom. That's a nice spin zone.
Yeah, I love that. Good job, Sam.

Speaker 1 You're a real man's, man. I like that.
Every quarterback, if I'm drafting them, I want to know if they've had mono before.

Speaker 1 Because when you get to the NFL in the National Football League, you make out with chicks. And I want a quarterback that's got the mono in his system already, so he's immune to it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I just wonder. The biggest question is not like...
the fact that, oh, how did you get mono? It's when did you get mono? Did you get it after the loss to the Bills? Because

Speaker 1 if you went out and partied and like, hey, I'm going to just go suck on some face.

Speaker 1 We need to do some like backwards math here and figure out how long does mono stay dormant before you start having symptoms of it. Someone told me it was like Lyme disease you have forever.

Speaker 1 No, but when you first get it. Yeah.
Well, it's in your system forever. Forever.
So maybe he's had it. Maybe it's...
No, but it just pops up. That's what we need to figure out.

Speaker 1 What's the incubation period like on mononucleosis?

Speaker 1 Bless you. Excuse me.
That was a big time spin. Can I give you another spin zone? I have a mono.
You might have mono, but you don't make out what checks. No, I don't.
Okay, so here's the thing.

Speaker 1 Jets missing their quarterback. The coach of the Jets is Adam Gase.
Yeah. You know who else is available that used to play for Adam Gates? Jay Cutler.

Speaker 1 Jay Cutler, who's basically played with mono his entire career.

Speaker 1 His personality. You didn't make fun of diabetes, bro.
No, I'm saying his personality is mono.

Speaker 1 Oh, oh.

Speaker 1 He's just... By the way.
He's not diabetes. He has bad insulin.
Maybe it's just mono. Blood sugar.
I don't know which one. Is that the diabetes of the soul?

Speaker 1 I'm just saying you just made fun of a diabetic. No, well, yes, I did, but I didn't make fun of the mono part.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I would love to see J. Co.
I'm always in for J. Collider.
Why not? Let him get out there and sling it around a little bit.

Speaker 1 I've also heard that Sam Darnold got mono maybe from jewel, from jeweling too much. That's why.
Oh, I thought you hit the singer. No, because you passed it.
Well, yeah, she probably has.

Speaker 1 She definitely has mono. Yes.
If you live in your van at any point, that's a symptom right there that you currently have mono. Yeah.
I looked up some of the symptoms. It sounds pretty sweet, honestly.

Speaker 1 Mono? Yeah, you just hang out. You're just tired.
You're just tired all the time. You're just tired and yawning.
I've had mono for 34 years. It's basically Hank shows.
I've never missed a mono.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's true. When you yawn,

Speaker 1 that's a mono yawn. Uh-huh.
It is. Sorry, I'm just so chill.

Speaker 1 Such a chill, bro. Yeah, so I don't know where the Jets go from here, but I do know this.
I'm going to take the Jets on Monday night. Are you really? Yeah.
Dude, this is a classic situation.

Speaker 1 Classic mono situation. Everyone freaks out, and everyone's like, oh, Sam Darnold's out.
The Jets stink now. And it's six and a half points.

Speaker 1 And Trevor Simmons, he might not win the game, but he'll be good enough to keep him around okay so six and a half is too much but this is a brown statement game it is it's a loser leave sound we're gonna get to all the games but yeah I will probably take the Jets because I just think it's like the like you even said Sam Darnold

Speaker 1 like what he's playing the level he's playing at right now not talking about his ceiling is it that far off than Trevor Simeon if Trevor Simmon plays his best game it's not it's the same as Sam Darnold good Trevor Simeon is better than bad Sam Darnold right it's mono Sam Darnold yeah right okay all right yeah I guess you just talked me into the Jets.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.
Let's do some picks in the weekend preview. We, as a team, did not do well.
I was one and three.

Speaker 1 You were one and three. You were, I think you were 0-4.
I was 0-4? You were 0-4. I don't know about that.
That's okay. I'm not actually.

Speaker 1 You know what? We were 0-4. We were 1-7.
We were 0-4 on this side of the table. We were 1-3 on that side.
Hank, I don't know what Hank did. Hank didn't even know the lines.

Speaker 1 He wasn't prepared for the segment. He got lucky.
Are you like a fucking teacher that's like, oh, he didn't come and prepare? That's minus 3. He didn't do the reading, Hank.
He didn't do the reading.

Speaker 1 still got an a on the test okay so we're gonna do our picks we're gonna do a little weekend preview should we do should we throw out a couple loser leaves town games we could do some

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Speaker 1 Okay, so we're going to do our picks. We'll do a weekend preview.

Speaker 1 I'll throw out a couple Loser leave town games for you, PFT. You tell me if that's crazy.

Speaker 1 How about

Speaker 1 the

Speaker 1 Bears and Broncos?

Speaker 1 Ooh, that's

Speaker 1 get ready to hang Dunshane pretty soon, my friend. I have been threatening.
The Vic fan G.

Speaker 1 I have been threatening all week that I will melt down if the Bears lose to the shitty Broncos and the even shittier Joe Flacco.

Speaker 1 If the Bears lose on Sunday. Is this a Mayor's bet situation? No, it's a meltdown.
You want me to tell you how the NFL works again? I'm promising a meltdown.

Speaker 1 So when I say that, I mean I will, we're going to probably be on a live stream because our lives are taped. I will stomp my feet.

Speaker 1 I will say mean things to people around me that I will later on regret, but also there'll be a little truth in it, whatever. Why is this different from any other stuff? Right, exactly.

Speaker 1 But it's going to be a full-blown meltdown. Okay.
Usually I hold back a little. I might even cry a little.
I'm going to say, I'm going to yell at people. I'm going to tweet at people really mad.

Speaker 1 The Bears cannot lose this game. You're going to be very triggered if they do.
So triggered. The difference between a meltdown.
Shut up, Hank. I'm already triggered.
Look at his face. Okay, yeah.

Speaker 1 He's got a little smug going. There's a fucking face, dude.

Speaker 1 I'm excited about the face.

Speaker 1 Between a meltdown and a riot is what? Like when we say,

Speaker 1 if this doesn't happen, then we riot. Is it just like a low-T riot? It's an emotional...

Speaker 1 Personal riot. I feel like it's a riot where you pull your hood over.
No diet riot. Yeah, no,

Speaker 1 it's a riot with my own emotions. And bad posture.

Speaker 1 That's what a meltdown is, just like sinking into the chair back. Yep.
Yep. Okay.
Yeah, I can get into that, but here's why you have reason to be worried. It's tough to win on the road in Denver.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we all know the stats. It's like 22-1 or something ridiculous.
But

Speaker 1 Chicago's at sea level. None of those games were played by Joe Flacco, who sucks.

Speaker 1 So I'm not worried. Do we do a mayor's bet on it? I'm not worried.
You now have the Broncos team? No, I just Joe Flacco. How many teams you play? I didn't like your disrespect of Flacco.

Speaker 1 Well, it's deserved. The other Loser Leaves Town game

Speaker 1 that I had thrown out there. Well, actually, we already talked about the Bucs and the Panthers.
That was a Loser Leaves Town game. So Bucks suck, huh? Yeah, they suck earlier tonight.

Speaker 1 Jets-Browns will be the other Loser Leaves Town game, but we won't. We'll talk about that on Sunday.
But that is definitely a Loser Leaves Town game. That's a Dunchain game.
That might be.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think we can probably put the Dunchain on the Jets already. But yes,

Speaker 1 if the Browns lose that game, there are going to be some issues in the front office.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't put it past John Dorsey to fire somebody if they lose that game.

Speaker 1 I love this Sunday slate because it's the perfect amount of like decent, there's a few decent one o'clock games that will get you juiced up. Yep.

Speaker 1 Some late finishes, and then it rolls right into a really good Rams Saints game rolling into a really good Eagles Falcons game.

Speaker 1 So it's like the perfect setup for a Sunday because you don't want to have your premier games at one o'clock. No, I don't want to

Speaker 1 get too early. You want to get it going, really feel good about it, and then get into it.
So let's do some picks. Here's another one, though.
Yeah. You ready for this? San Francisco, Cincinnati.

Speaker 1 You think that's a loser-leaves town game? I think it's a loser-leaves, leaves town game. Niners were like not even allowed in the town in the first place.

Speaker 1 They're not really

Speaker 1 in what town? Like, you're like Mercury Morris saying, Don't call me when you're in my town, call me when you're on my block.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, like the town, if the town is the playoffs, like they're they have no chance anyway. Okay, town's actually a great movie starring Rear Admiral.
All right, so let's do some picks.

Speaker 1 Let's start with favorites. Clipped your nuts.
Hank, go with your favorite. I put this your favorite favorite, just like your daddy.

Speaker 1 He's taking the Patriots. You have to take the Patriots.
Minus, do you? I can't.

Speaker 1 It's just like, principle-wise, I know it's a crazy line. It's outrageous, but it's one of those things where there's going to be no better thrill than rooting for the Patriots to cover 18.5.

Speaker 1 I'll give you a better thrill right already off the bat. It's going to spoil one of my picks.
I like the Dolphins.

Speaker 1 And it's one of these things. Of course, I mean,

Speaker 1 they're so stiff. They're clearly biased.

Speaker 1 Let me explain something.

Speaker 1 I can unbiasedly tell you that the Patriots are going to cover 18.5 with ease. Hank, I'm giving you

Speaker 1 a half for do your pod right now. Nobody believes in the Patriots.
I've got 18.5, the line that I'm looking at right now.

Speaker 1 But it's like one of these things where the universe is taunting me, saying you won't take the shitty Dolphins, possibly the worst team in the last five years of the NFL. You know what?

Speaker 1 This is a group. Let's tell you something about football.
Everyone's talking about how bad they are, how everybody wants off the tank. Oh, yeah, because they're bad.
They got a guy off the bat.

Speaker 1 Everyone wants off the team. They got a guy named Ryan Fitzpatrick.

Speaker 1 This is win one out of seven. I'm going to count wins against the spread as wins for the Dolphins.
It's rare that you have a team in the NFL openly tanking this early in the season.

Speaker 1 I can't even think of, like, most teams, they at least pretend that they're doing, they're going to try to compete or pretend they're going to try to play. This team has already given up.
And

Speaker 1 18 is a lot. Here's a little nugget for you, Hank, and for all the betters out there.

Speaker 1 In the Patriot games, when they are favored by 10 or more, it might be 14 or more, but whatever, both apply. Second half unders are 10-0 in their last 10.

Speaker 1 just,

Speaker 1 and I think that actually applies even more with Belichick probably not trying to show up Brian Flores. So take the second half under.
Right.

Speaker 1 I think they're going to cover in the first half and then just take the foot off the gas section. Exactly.
That's what I'm hoping for. That they cover in the first half and they.

Speaker 1 They take the foot off the gas. Yeah.
Got it. Okay.

Speaker 1 I just need it inside 18. Give me your favorite.
Like, if you need

Speaker 1 your favorite. My favorite, I'm going to go with the Bills.
Minus one and a half on the road. Okay.
So a little road dog for you. I like the Bills.
I hate the Giants. I hate Pat Shermer.

Speaker 1 I hate Eli Manning's stupid face in this game. Damn.
It's the end of short season. Just give us a pick.
It's the end of short season. So this is where Josh Allen needs to really get it in.

Speaker 1 I like this pick. I like this pick as well.

Speaker 1 All right. I'll give you the game that Hank can't even be paid to watch.
I like the Bengals, minus two. I think the 49ers, a little bit of a fraudulent win week one.

Speaker 1 Their defense played well, but Jimmy Garoppolo did not. I don't know who their wide receiver, like, they don't have anyone to throw to.

Speaker 1 Debo Samuel, who's a dude, but didn't complete a pass over nine yards. George Kittle.
Yeah, I know. Yeah, Jimmy Garoppolo has like, I think his average pass was 5.5 yards.

Speaker 1 I think the Bengals, you saw it. They actually run a 2019 offense now.
They ran like significantly more plays than they have the last couple years. So I think the Bengals are going to cover it home.

Speaker 1 Okay. I don't mind this too.
I don't mind that at all. I think Zach Taylor, it's one of these first-year coach type things.
There's not enough tape out there on him. Yes.

Speaker 1 So he hasn't called enough plays.

Speaker 1 There's not enough to look at and to study for the tendencies. Also, Brian Flores, first of all coach, not enough tape on him.

Speaker 1 And Andy Dalton, the last two years, I think the Bengals were like second to last.

Speaker 1 Entire brains.

Speaker 1 Second to last and last in like pace in terms of offensive pace and plays per game. They had 70 plays against Seattle.
Andy Dalton, key to Andy Dalton. Don't let him think.
Just let him play.

Speaker 1 There you go.

Speaker 1 Just let him play. Just be like, Andy, throw to this guy.
Yes, don't take too much time. Yeah, just play, play, play.
I like that.

Speaker 1 Hank, do you think that Bill Belichick has every single coach's DNA on file? Yes. The ones that he's that have coached under him.
His coaching tree, yes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, because I mean, he is dominant against everybody else.

Speaker 1 This is one of those things where our conspiracy theory, I'm starting to believe that it's true, where he just sends people out to just

Speaker 1 tank other teams for the Patriots. Last year,

Speaker 1 he lost to Matt Patricia and Mike Vrabel. That's right.
Was that week two? Week two was Matt Patricia. Okay, there we go.

Speaker 1 The week two bump for former Belichick coaches. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Interesting. Interesting.
There was our Barsteel bets. Go ahead and follow all of it, Barsteel Bets.
But some kid is tweeting like week two trends. Like this team is 10-0 in their last 10 week twos.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's the dumbest trend of all time.

Speaker 1 All right, Hank, your underdog. This is tough.

Speaker 1 I'm torn, but I'm going to go with the sucker pick and take the Colts. Ooh.

Speaker 1 Do you know that they are retiring Steve McNair's jersey? I did know that, but I forgot it and I already said it, so I'm sticking with it. Okay, Eddie George and Steve McNair being retired.

Speaker 1 Eddie George, I would assume, is going to come out in Steve McNair's jersey. Not a dry eye in the house.
Distractions. Too many distractions.

Speaker 1 Because they're doing a halftime ceremony?

Speaker 1 Okay, that's a good point. Interesting.

Speaker 1 So, all right, so you like the Colts. You like Jacoby Brissette on the road.
Okay. Potentially swag.
Okay. Potentially swag.

Speaker 1 The only thing I'll say is. There should be a half-point built into that line just in the event swag itself.

Speaker 1 Defense of this is the Mike Vrabel rule I made last week where if you doubt Mike Vrabel, he will embarrass you.

Speaker 1 Now that the Titans are favorites, you can go against that rule because everyone thinks they're going to win, especially the Steve McNair retirement game.

Speaker 1 Also, I don't hate that pick now that I'm thinking about it because Adam Vinatieri really shot the bed last week. Like, they should have won that game, but he, what did he miss?

Speaker 1 Like, three kicks, extra point, two field goals? Do you think

Speaker 1 going to show up to Eddie George's retirement? Why? Probably not. Oh, probably not.
Yeah, it'd be awkward. Okay, so you have...
Did he get a plus one? You have

Speaker 1 the only one that got a plus one. You have the Dolphins as your underdog.
Yep. I have.
Well, my bonus underdog is also the R words. Redskins plus six.
Well, you can't. Well, it's a bonus.

Speaker 1 This doesn't count towards my picks. It's just a bonus I'm putting out there for the people.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I like that pick. The R words.
Dwayne Houskins. Okay, yeah, they're plus five and a half, plus six.
We'll give you plus six for the bonus. Cool.

Speaker 1 I'm back on my bullshit. I'm taking the Falcons as my underdog.
I don't give a fuck. I don't hate that pick.
Well, I mean, I just, I will bet on the Falcons. You need an intervention.

Speaker 1 I do, but here's my problem: and I think most gamblers can relate to this. When you lose on a team, you then chase that team forever until you get satisfaction.

Speaker 1 Right now, I have lost betting against UNC, and I am now like, I'm going to chase them for the rest of the college football season until I demand satisfaction. Right.

Speaker 1 You could get yourself into trouble that way. Oh, yeah.
If they win the national championship, I'll be broke. Yeah, you start chasing the Washington Generals.
It's an issue. with the Falcons.

Speaker 1 I agree with you. I think that they're actually a good pick this week.
They're just stinking. You know what?

Speaker 1 They're like a siren song just enticing you into bed on every single one. I mean, it's just Matt, Matt Ryan, Julio Jones, Calvin Ridley.
I'm watching you.

Speaker 1 You're like a bird flying into this nice open air. I can see that there's a window right in front of you.
I'm trying to tell you it's a window. You're going to fly into the building.

Speaker 1 And literally, last week I did fly into the U.S. Bank, whatever it's called, Minnesota Vikings.
That's what that stadium. Yeah, I was that bird.
All right, Hank, you're under.

Speaker 1 My under, I will go with the 49ers and Bengals game just because I'm just, that's just hopefully it doesn't show up on red zone. Got it.

Speaker 1 You hate it so much.

Speaker 1 You should write a letter to the city of Cincinnati, Hank, complaining about obscenity and vulgarity. Yes, they scale there.
This game is disgusting. Gosh, you're

Speaker 1 really going in.

Speaker 1 Damn. No, I know what you're saying, though, since you already have said that it's going to be a shitty game, that you want it to be shitty to feel right about about yourself, right?

Speaker 1 Like, if they're going to red zone all the time, I'll be like, fuck, like,

Speaker 1 I might be interested in this game, and I'm going to sound like an idiot. Yeah, yeah, you want God knows I don't want to do that.
The game, the red zone, forgets, it's always nice.

Speaker 1 Would it kind of feel like you were a bad boy, though, if they put it on that game? You're like, oh, this is kind of exciting. This feels naughty and wrong because I said how bad it was.

Speaker 1 That's doubtful, though, because I'm probably sticking. All right, my over.

Speaker 1 Yes. I'm going to take no under.
My under. I'm going to take Titans Colts, 43.5.

Speaker 1 I think the Titans aren't going to put up points like they did last week. Okay.

Speaker 1 All right, my under, I'm going to take.

Speaker 1 Also, sorry to interrupt, but the Titans Colts just feels like it's all

Speaker 1 a 17 to 10 game. I agree.
No matter where it is. The Broncos Bears.
I think they could play for 10 games in a row, and they won't hit 40 and a half. Okay.
I just don't.

Speaker 1 I don't trust either offense, and I trust both defenses. You really hate Joe Flacco.
I really do think he's bad. You haven't seen him.
And I don't think people are talking enough about how bad he is.

Speaker 1 You haven't seen him throw the football in that thin air, though. Until you change your mind, I will continue to...

Speaker 1 Until you say, hey, I'm starting to think Joe Flacco might not be good anymore, I will have to keep saying it for us. I am chasing the Joe Flacco's good take.
Like for eight years.

Speaker 1 No, wait, the Super Bowl was 2011, 12? 12. 12.
12? Seven years.

Speaker 1 All right. Hank, you're over to end the picks.

Speaker 1 See, this is why it's actually probably worse that I did actually look at this before this segment because all my picks are sucker picks, but the Saints and Rams.

Speaker 1 It feels like an over, yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 Here's a rule, though here's a rule when you see a game like saints and rams and you say i'm gonna bet the over and you lose you still won because you can't take the under in that game like that's a rule where if you see that it's like it's like when oklahoma state and oklahoma play when they play bedlam you either take the over or you don't watch the game yeah and if you lose on the over guess what it's it's fine because if you did that for a hundred years you'd win right if you bet the under in this game you're essentially rooting for america to not have fun correct and that's fucked up to do.

Speaker 1 There are a lot of other people out there besides you. Don't be selfish.
So it's a free bet, in my opinion. But you will have to pay if you lose.
Yep. But it is a free bet.
But technically free.

Speaker 1 Free bet. All right, PFT, you're over.
My over is Jags Texans, 43.5. Ooh.
I like both offenses. I like the Texans offensive.
You like Gardner Minches. You know what? The Texans offense.

Speaker 1 Texans' offense. Taker Minschews.

Speaker 1 You know, I just hope they don't ruin Deshaun Watson for the rest of us. Like, they're going to ruin this kid, and I'm really broken up about that.
And so I hope they don't do that.

Speaker 1 And then, wait, but so here's a fun fact about the Gardner snake that I picked up this week. You ready? Yep.
This was tweeted out by Antonio Bryant.

Speaker 1 So misleading blue check mark next to AB wide receiver picture. It's actually not Antonio Bryant.
I stole from a story, but yeah. It's AB 89.

Speaker 1 Gardner Minshew's dad. So Gardner Minshew, first of all, is named Gardner Minshew II.
Of course. His dad is named Flint.
Perfect. So there is no Gardner Minshew I.

Speaker 1 Even better. Yes, he's Gardner Minshew II,

Speaker 1 which I guess he was such an alpha as a kid that his dad wanted to change his name and name himself after his name himself after his son. Is his grandfather a gardener? I don't know.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I don't know what his grandfather does. Maybe that's maybe his grandfather's gardener and it's skipped.
Can you skip a generation? Yeah, I think so. You can do whatever you want.
That's pretty cool.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I like that, though.
Gardner Minshew. I hope Gardner Minshew sticks.
He seems like a fun guy. Yeah, I like him.
Okay, my over.

Speaker 1 is going to be actually I'm going to go I'm going to go with the Cowboys and the Redskins over 46 and a half okay I'm a believer in Case Keenum putting up numbers. Okay.

Speaker 1 And you know, Darius Geis is out though, right? Yep.

Speaker 1 I think he had 18 yards rushing, so I'm not sure. Well, he hurt his knee.
Yeah. Okay.
With Adrian Peterson. Back.
He's back. Uh-huh.
Yeah. Jay Gruden.

Speaker 1 What was that quote he had where he was like, if we had a situation where we could ride Adrian Peterson for 50 carries, we'd play him. It's like, dude, you did that last year.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you could never get it. It was called 2018.
Yeah, you can do that. Yeah, the thing about Jay Grude.
You're allowed to. Jay just doesn't know what's going on.

Speaker 1 Jay's entire press conference, they might as well just be him going, I don't know, you guys saw what happened.

Speaker 1 I am the head coach of the Washington Redskins at this time. I'll do a bonus pick as well.
I like the Cardinals Ravens over too. 46.
Ooh, bonus pick.

Speaker 1 I like the bonus pick.

Speaker 1 All right, so we're going to probably win this weekend, I would say. 12-0.
Yeah, we're good. Well, 11-1 because you guys are opposite sides of the Patriots Dolphins.
But true.

Speaker 1 11-1 is still, as we're sitting here right now,

Speaker 1 11-1 is possible. Yeah, if we're looking at Monday and we're looking back on us winning all these games,

Speaker 1 we're up on the season. Yeah, it could be.
could be. It made you money.
Yeah, Big Ben, when he said that half the teams lost last week. Yeah, which wasn't true.
Not true. Because there was a tie.

Speaker 1 But that was. And I still give Big Ben credit for that because that's the smartest thing he's ever said.
Yeah, and it was wrong. And it was wrong.
But it was wrong. But it was still the smartest.

Speaker 1 We're getting there, Ben. Yeah.
That actually, that should just be Big Ben's new concussion protocol. How many teams lost last week? Exactly.
Doesn't matter. Every team could tie.
Half lost.

Speaker 1 Big Ben gets smarter when he has a concussion. Yes, absolutely.
All right. Should we do fantasy fuck boys before we get to our interviews?

Speaker 1 What's up, boys? It's Salvador Antangelo. Yeah.
My stardom this week is the situation. What the fuck? That's my starter, too.

Speaker 1 He's out. He's better than ever.
He's out the slammer. He beat taxes.
He's my fucking hero. Absolutely.
Hell yeah. What's up, fellas? This is poppy.
Oh, whoa.

Speaker 1 What the fuck, dude? You're fucked up, dude. Back to you.
What's up, everybody? It's Salvador Antangelo. And this week, my sit-im is Kirk Cousins.
Fuck your cousins.

Speaker 1 Stick with your brothers and sisters. Immediate family is greater than extended.
So you're fucking your brothers and sisters? You're gonna fuck the people that are closest to you.

Speaker 1 No, I'm saying don't. I'm saying forget them.
Forget about it. Incest is in.
My sleeper is Lugies.

Speaker 1 Everyone's talking about spit, but people forget once you're going down, it's nice to walk down the street and give a nice

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Spitting, all right. Harold's going to spit in Connie B's mouth.
She hates that. If it's a pussy-eyed dick, then that's a dump.
Hell yeah. All right.
What's up? This is Poppy Popparella.

Speaker 1 I'm starting hanging out in the line at starbucks and making a cool comment to everybody that gets a pumpkin spice latte oh guess it's that time of year again yeah pfls bitch psls are back i'm gonna do it till they kick me out or i get a date whichever comes first fuckboy fall fuckboy fall it's going down i'm sitting john bolton today johnny boy you piece of shit you look like andy reed got a tapeworm and stood in front of a candle for 30 years you asshole oh your entire life's mission was to work in the white house and then you got there you got fired before you could even start a co-worker, you stupid fuck.

Speaker 1 Jack does ball. I don't know who the fuck that is.
My sleeper, I'm sleeping Taysom Hill this weekend. I love him.
You know Sean Payton loves him. The more man.
That's right.

Speaker 1 He's a Moor man because he's more man than you are. He's more man than the rest of you chubs.
I love this guy, but more importantly, that squirrely bastard, Sean Payton, loves him.

Speaker 1 He has him do all his household chores. Hey, Sean, hey, hey, Moore.
Hey, hey, Taysom Hill. Hey, hey, hey, go drop my kids off.
He's walking over here. Taysom, hey.
I barely know him. Hey.

Speaker 1 Hey, Taysom, choose this light bulb for me. Hey, go get a prostate exam for me, Taysom.
Hey, he'll do anything for that guy, Sean Payton. Hey, all right, what's up?

Speaker 1 I'm going to wrap it up with my name is Tomy Tomatuo. Tommy, Tommy Tues.
What's up, 17?

Speaker 1 All right, Triple T's. I'm going to start.
Kobe Bryant. He's the best coach ever.
Yeah, he coached some sixth graders and totally shamed a girl for liking ballet more than basketball.

Speaker 1 And his whole team is frowning and looks like they don't want to be there because Kobe's kind of a weirdo. But he got them to the fourth place, quote-unquote, winners.
Winners.

Speaker 1 Kobe Bryant, what a coach. Great job, Kobe.
My kick that dancer off your team. Save her for your nightclub.
My sit-im is Jimmy Gowapowo because

Speaker 1 the San Francisco 49ers didn't go home after the game in Tampa Bay. They stayed in Ohio all week long.

Speaker 1 And Ohio, fun fact about Ohio, it produced the fifth most porn stars in the United States of America Wow

Speaker 1 I actually looked that up fucking crazy and my sleeper is porn stars and presidents

Speaker 1 Ohio does my sleeper is Lenny Dykstra don't sleep on that fucking creep because he's tweeting some weird ass shit and I'm a little worried Lenny the 18 year old 9-11 thing

Speaker 1 Marone you crossed the line you crossed many lines my daughter was born nine months after 9-11. Okay.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. Lenny Dykstra.
Dude, what are you doing? Yeah, that was weird. It was weird.

Speaker 1 But then Lenny pulled the expert trick of saying that his intern tweeted out. And let's all take a moment to think about what the job interview process would be like to become Lenny Dykstra's intern.

Speaker 1 Can I pay you in Twizzlers? Yeah. Okay, you're hired.

Speaker 1 By the way, you guys obviously saw the Kobe Bryant Instagram post, which was

Speaker 1 so ridiculous. I did see it.
Yeah. No, at what point did being a motivational coach demanding 100% loyalty to your team become a bad thing?

Speaker 1 Well, we talked about this on Monday, though, the Mama Mentality. The picture was the fourth, that was their fourth place picture.

Speaker 1 He used that as motivation, and then the team ended up winning the championship.

Speaker 1 Wait, so this is, oh, okay, so the fourth place picture is, because he did, here's our fourth place, quote-unquote, winner's picture, and then they ended up winning. Yes.

Speaker 1 And talked about how there was a player who cared about ballet more. Right.
He still did it. I loved it.

Speaker 1 But then he updated it and was like, she only liked doing ballet when we were in fourth place, so she was a front runner. But now that they're winning, she was like, now they're winning.

Speaker 1 She loves basketball. Oh, so she's on the winning team now.
Okay.

Speaker 1 She missed the game when they lost for ballet, but now that

Speaker 1 they've turned the season around, and now they're winning, and she's back, and she's on the team.

Speaker 1 Got it. I thought Kobe was throwing her under the bus for them finishing in fourth place.

Speaker 1 He sub Instagram to seventh grader, but yeah, that's always fine, though. That's okay.
Listen, who amongst us hasn't? You have to get sub-tweeted sometimes. Yes, might as well learn it early.

Speaker 1 I will say that for Kobe Bryant, if he had been like,

Speaker 1 I love these kids. They're so great.
It's great coaching for them, and they've always been great, we'd be like, okay, Kobe, what do you really feel?

Speaker 1 Oh, what you really feel is that this lazy-ass fourth grader liked ballet more than basketball. Fucker.
Yeah. Also, why do you have to practice dancing?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 I feel like

Speaker 1 I feel like the arts, dude. I feel like dancing is one of those things you either have or you don't have.
You don't respect the arts?

Speaker 1 I'm just a naturally good dancer, I guess. I never had to practice self-taught.
Okay, let's get to our interviews. We're going to do Coach Dana Holgerson and then Coach Mike Leach.

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Redskins. Redskins.
Okay, Larry's got the Redskins.

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Speaker 1 Okay, here he is, Coach Dana Holgerson, also Hank's best friend.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on Hank's best friend, our good friend, in preparation for Friday night football against Mike Leach. It is Coach Dana Holgerson, the Houston Cougars coach,

Speaker 1 our good friend. So, coach, first of all, thank you for not being so Hollywood that you could still talk to some old friends.

Speaker 1 There was a moment there where I thought you had forgotten where you came from, and we just were never going to hear from you again.

Speaker 5 Look, guys, this is Texas, not California, so it's all good, man.

Speaker 5 You guys can come down here and see me anytime.

Speaker 1 You guys are the ones that are Hollywood not me that's very true we've got a little too big for bridges yeah so coach you're gonna be going up against against Mike Leach this weekend do you guys you guys I would assume are familiar with each other yeah we kind of go way back

Speaker 5 you know he's

Speaker 5 when I started studying this stuff I it dawned on me that you know he's been there for eight years now he's been stuck in Pullman Washington for for eight years it's pretty amazing to me he had such a good run at Texas Tech for 10 years.

Speaker 5 He

Speaker 5 moved to Key West. I mean, I've been, you know, shoot, we go way back to 1990, 91, 92, and there back Iowa Wesley and Valdosta days.
So yeah, we're pretty familiar with each other.

Speaker 5 You know, when I took the Houston job, you know, I know he pops through Houston every now and then, so he was looking forward to reconnecting.

Speaker 5 And then I looked at the schedule and Washington State was game three. So we had a trip to the Bahamas plan that I canceled.

Speaker 5 and haven't really been able to hang out with him here just because he's back on the schedule. But have hung out with him a good bit here over the last five, six, eight years.

Speaker 1 Tomorrow night when you guys are, or sorry, Friday, or no, tonight. This is going to air on Friday.
Can you guys, like before the game, just agree to always go for it on fourth down, no punts?

Speaker 1 That would be fun.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I like our punter, though.

Speaker 5 You know, he's a lot better than I am on offense. You know, he's got that thing rolling.
He's been there eight years. They throw it every down.
They're pretty efficient with what they do.

Speaker 5 This is year one for us, although we have a spectacular quarterback in Deerek King.

Speaker 5 Our punter, Dane Roy, is this 30-year-old Australian guy who's incredibly interesting to talk to.

Speaker 5 Used to sell ice cream and got tired of doing that, so he decided to become a punter, which those

Speaker 5 Australians grew up playing catch with their feet, so they're pretty good at it. So

Speaker 5 he's fun to talk to, good to hang out with but uh is a pretty good punter as well you could get him you could get mike to agree to that you know i was in the booth with him for eight years and one of the hardest parts of my job was convincing him to punt on fourth down even if it was fourth and 20 it was still a struggle to get him to punt i love that i love that he always wanted to go for it i i can see i can see mike lease just like having a disdain for his uh for his punt and crew out there how what is the story with australian punters though is there like a pipeline do they have like specialized camps or how does that work No, you just order them online.

Speaker 1 Just one click?

Speaker 5 Yeah, no, it's true. You can just order them.
So they did. They grew up playing catch with their feet.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 5 they're good at kicking the ball. So, you know,

Speaker 5 it started to become popular probably, I don't know, 10 years ago or so. I remember Brad Wing for LSU, he pinned us inside the five when, you know, back in 2011 or something like that.

Speaker 5 He pinned us inside the five like five times i'm like geez and and you know they the texas had a really good one a couple years ago he was all pro first year i can't remember his name but uh they're they're they're becoming much more popular and really quite frankly they just grow up hunting and and you can call this a certain service over there and order you one.

Speaker 5 So we got one coming here next year after this kid graduates.

Speaker 1 Love it. Yeah, I think it was Dixon, the guy that's up in Seattle right now.
He's a beast.

Speaker 1 Really good. Yeah.
Really, really good. Coach, what's up with the hair these days? You You looked awesome against Oklahoma.
You were letting it fly.

Speaker 1 What are we thinking? Are we getting a haircut anytime soon, or were you just going to keep going crazy? Look,

Speaker 5 you know, Big Cat, so

Speaker 5 I got my hair cut before the bowl game. You know, my players last year at WVU wouldn't let me cut it.
And after we lost to Oklahoma and we're out of the Big 12 Championship, I cut it.

Speaker 5 So that would have been around December 1st. I didn't get it cut until approximately August 1st.

Speaker 5 So it was really flowing towards the end of summer.

Speaker 5 You know, so this is actually what you're looking at: is a pretty freshly cut cut.

Speaker 5 You know, so it's going to probably go for a while, you know, unless I have some bad luck, then we'll go ahead and shave it off.

Speaker 1 Do you ever go back and watch the tape of how awesome you look when you pop the visor off? Because you did it in the Oklahoma game.

Speaker 1 I'm going to say this, don't be upset about it, but your nips were very erect and your hair was wild. And I was like, holy shit, this is the coolest coach in America.

Speaker 5 Now, I don't go back and reflect on that stuff.

Speaker 1 I can assure you that.

Speaker 5 It was one of two things. I was really excited because we scored her.
I was really pissed because we turned it over or something like that. So

Speaker 5 it's hard to tell.

Speaker 5 I'm glad you get a thrill out of it, Big Cat, but I don't know.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm going to send you all the pics. I take, like, if you ever saw my phone roll, it'd be actually, I'd probably get arrested by the Holgersons because it'd be like, what's going on here?

Speaker 1 You're taking a lot of pictures of Coach. There's something to be sent to.
When you guys are coming to Houston. Yeah, we'll get down there.
Oh, we'll get down there.

Speaker 1 I'm excited to be down in Houston, get down that humidity a little bit.

Speaker 1 Big Cat, just give a big thumbs down. I gave a thumbs up because I'm so excited to go to Houston and get on one of those service roads.

Speaker 1 And don't forget about the concrete.

Speaker 1 How do you like the concrete overpasses down there?

Speaker 1 There's a lot of concrete here.

Speaker 5 There's 6 million people and it continues to grow.

Speaker 5 I've got a place on the 19th floor penthouse deal that's like 10 minutes from University of Houston. So I'm right in the middle of all that concrete, but it saves me on a lot of the,

Speaker 5 I don't have to travel on the concrete very much. I look at it, but I don't have to travel on it.

Speaker 1 Do you miss having a backyard? Because you had a sweet one in West Virginia.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I do. I do.

Speaker 5 I do. I missed it.
I'm proud of what we did there at West Virginia. And, you know, met all kinds of good people and had a lot of good times in that backyard.
you guys were a part of it a few times and

Speaker 5 you know we had we had some some killer parties back there you know we'd every time we'd win we'd enjoy it you know and we'd have all the the donors and coaches and families come over and we'd build that big fire and we'd reflect on a good victory so you know that's always something that's going to stick with me and I'm going to remember that forever and yeah I do I do miss those days but we're

Speaker 5 You know, we're trying to build

Speaker 5 something special here down here at the University of Houston. It's going to take some time.

Speaker 5 You forget I was there eight years as well, so built it into something pretty good and trying to do the same thing here at the University of Houston.

Speaker 1 Well, we're Coog fans now.

Speaker 1 Last question for me. Do you have anything you want to say to your best friend, Hank? He misses you.
Yeah, Hank, man.

Speaker 5 I know.

Speaker 5 Do you fight anybody here lately?

Speaker 1 No, not anytime soon. Maybe from Miami, though.

Speaker 1 Super Bowl. Super Bowl.

Speaker 5 You're not retired then, huh?

Speaker 1 No. Well, no, Hank, you should retire, and then it'll sell more tickets if you say you're coming out of retirement.
True, I'm retired. There's nothing that could get me to fight again.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Unless you're needing me to.

Speaker 5 Are you going to take strooves this time?

Speaker 1 Why, you know, cross that bridge when we get there.

Speaker 1 Depends who your opponent is, right? Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Exactly. I just realized that it's going to be Cougars against Cougars.
Oh, yeah. Who's your favorite Cougar, Coach?

Speaker 5 It's the Battle of the Cougars, man.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, who is your favorite Cougar? John Cougar Mellencamp?

Speaker 1 Jennifer Anniston. Yeah.

Speaker 5 And she's a hot one, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's a lot of cougars out there. All right, we're going to be rooting for you.
Just so you know, we will have Coach Leach on as well, but we are rooting for you.

Speaker 1 We're dana guys through and through. And hopefully we see you soon.

Speaker 5 So are you going to tell Leech that

Speaker 5 you're cheering for me? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he probably, I mean, he'll probably just go into like a long-winded answer about pirates or some kind of weird history thing. We don't care.
We'll talk about it. Guarantee it.

Speaker 1 Guarantee you will. Yes.
Yes. leeches yeah yeah all right coach good luck on friday we'll be watching i'll be taking pictures

Speaker 5 sounds good guys all right enjoy talking y'all all right thanks thanks coach

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Speaker 1 The Rams, okay. The Rams.
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Okay, here he is. Coach Leach.
And now for something completely different.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on Coach Mike Leach. He is a recurring guest of our show.
He's been on the show, Washington State head coach.

Speaker 1 We are prepping for the Washington State versus Houston game on Friday night. Two of our friends battling.

Speaker 1 So, Coach, we got to start there. We had Dana on.
We're good friends with Coach Holgerson. We have told Coach Holgerson that we will be rooting for him, but if he had to lose to anyone, it's you.

Speaker 1 So are you okay with that?

Speaker 3 I guess I don't care. You're root for, obviously, you ought to root for us, but

Speaker 3 to each his own, you know, because there's,

Speaker 3 you know,

Speaker 3 there's good decisions and bad decisions in life. So hopefully you make a good one.
But

Speaker 3 nevertheless, it's a free country, or at least it used to be. And so

Speaker 3 for old time's sake, you know, maybe you can go ahead and root for us.

Speaker 1 Okay, but here's the other part. When we had Coach Holgerson on, he has agreed to no punts for the entire game.
Are you in agreement? Will you do no punts for the entire game?

Speaker 3 If they do no punts, we'll do no punts.

Speaker 1 I love it. We got to do that.
That would be such a great game. We got to do that.
You and him obviously go way, way back. How would you describe Coach Holgerson and your experiences with him?

Speaker 3 You know, he used to be kind of a bouncy guy.

Speaker 3 It was funny because,

Speaker 3 you know,

Speaker 3 he was kind of perky.

Speaker 3 He would try to run with the cool crowd, or at least that he thought was cool.

Speaker 3 Which obviously that was hard for me to take seriously at all. And then

Speaker 3 the

Speaker 3 And then, you know, but he was kind of a,

Speaker 3 he liked football the best. He liked football the best.
I always thought he was a little better at basketball. And

Speaker 3 because he'd play football, go to football practice, then he'd go, you know, pick up in the gym there at Iowa Westling with the basketball team. And he was better than most of them.

Speaker 1 Interesting. Interesting.
Now, what about his hair?

Speaker 3 He was a high vertical jump guy that was slow.

Speaker 1 Ooh, that's a killer combo. He's a big rebounder.
Killer combo.

Speaker 3 Yeah, he was a good rebounder.

Speaker 3 Mainly he was elusive when he dribbled the ball and he could shoot it real well.

Speaker 1 What about his hair? Do you give him any

Speaker 1 do you bust his balls at all about his hair? Because we do that from time to time. His hair has its life of its own.
I don't know if he realizes

Speaker 1 he doesn't have much of it left, but he still rocks that visor and he looks great doing it.

Speaker 3 I don't mess with his hair. I don't mess with his hair.

Speaker 3 That's a sensitive subject to some. He's an easy target, although I get my share from time to time.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 I don't mess with his hair. I messed it up

Speaker 3 from time to time, but I haven't.

Speaker 3 No, I don't really comment on his hair.

Speaker 1 Okay, okay.

Speaker 1 When you were working together, was he getting into the Red Bull habit that he has to this very day?

Speaker 3 But he did wear the visor. That was like kind of a rebellion issue.
So Coach Mummy wore a visor.

Speaker 3 He wears a visor. I've never really reconciled wearing half a hat, so I've never worn a visor.

Speaker 1 I like that. That's like a football coach going goth as they decide to put on a visor to rebel against against the head guy.

Speaker 1 I saw a quote earlier today. I want to talk real quick about your guy, Gardner Minshew, had a pretty good game for the Jaguars

Speaker 1 over the weekend, and he looked pretty accurate doing it.

Speaker 1 I read a story that...

Speaker 3 Yeah, he broke a record.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think he's going to be a pretty good player. And I saw this story that said that he used to do band workouts in the locker room naked or just wearing a jockstrap.
Did you ever walk in on that?

Speaker 3 Yeah, he would,

Speaker 3 well, not really band workouts.

Speaker 3 It was a combination of dancing and running and play. So he would,

Speaker 3 like after a game, because

Speaker 3 he's like one of the most passionate players I've ever coached. So he's one of the most passionate players

Speaker 3 that I've ever coached.

Speaker 3 After games, so he'd get undressed. He'd put on his aviators.
He had a headband on, you know, just for

Speaker 3 the sweat and to keep his hair out of his eyes. You know, everybody thinks a lot of that's for show, but it's pretty functional under a helmet.
And then

Speaker 3 he'd have the aviators on, the headband on, the jock on,

Speaker 3 and music would be loud, you know, and then he'd be running in place. I mean, just running in place, celebrating the win.
Okay, one time I got a funny story for you.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 3 Steve Spurrier Sr.,

Speaker 3 you know, came to watch our game and we kind of let him patrol the sidelines. And we had a thriller against Utah.
So we played Utah here.

Speaker 3 And, you know, it's a back and forth game and it's a war. And they're like the most physical team in our conference.
But we've had their number over the years.

Speaker 3 They've been close games, but

Speaker 3 we've come out on top on a lot of them. Well, several in a row.
But anyway, so then

Speaker 3 the

Speaker 3 so it's a it's pretty much the last drive. Okay, there's not much time left, and they're good at eating up the clock anyway.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 3 so we're on the minus 10 yard line or so.

Speaker 3 Let's see, it was an 89. So anyway,

Speaker 3 Gardner goes back, throws it to Aesop Winston, and Winston catches it, goes upfield,

Speaker 3 makes one guy miss,

Speaker 3 makes another guy miss twice, 89 yards for a touchdown to kind of seal this thing up.

Speaker 3 So after the game,

Speaker 3 and Coach Spurrier is like, I consider a total mentor. He's one of those guys that, you know, made you want to coach, made you want to be a part of the game.

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 3 so he comes up to me he says great game great game he says he says had it in the bag the whole time didn't you

Speaker 3 then he goes out

Speaker 3 then he goes uh

Speaker 3 comes in the locker room he says where's the receiver where's i want to see you receive the receiver so aesop's taking his gloves off and

Speaker 3 He says goes over to Aesop. All right, my man.
He said, good catch, great play. You know, way to play.
He goes, Where's the quarterback? Want to see the quarterback?

Speaker 3 Gardner's in his jock, aviators, and

Speaker 3 headband

Speaker 3 running in place to the music,

Speaker 3 you know, arms high, the whole thing, you know.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 3 he looks over, he sees him, just sort of points at him and says, All right, my man. All right, my man.

Speaker 1 Good game.

Speaker 1 Not going to go over and have an extended conversation.

Speaker 3 He wants to want something he wanted to touch at the time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, I'd imagine.

Speaker 1 So this game on Friday night, Cougars versus Cougars, you are famous for breaking down mascot battles. One, how are we going to break down a Cougar versus Cougar? Whose Cougar is tougher?

Speaker 1 And two, can I throw a couple mascot battles for you and you can give me some

Speaker 1 thoughts on them?

Speaker 3 All right, the live mascots are automatically quite tough.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 3 I can't remember what their mascot looks like. I imagine it's a guy with a cougar costume.
Definitely Butch. Butch is iconic.
So Butch wins that battle for sure.

Speaker 1 Yep. Their cougar.
I'm looking at it. Their cougar looks a little meaner than your cougar.
I'm going to say it right now.

Speaker 3 Well, yeah, but

Speaker 3 ours is a friendly,

Speaker 3 happy cerebral, but he can get down and dirty when he needs to.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 3 And plus, he's got an actual name, Butch T.

Speaker 1 Cougar. That's pretty good.

Speaker 3 So he's distinguished and he has a name

Speaker 3 and is internationally recognized.

Speaker 1 Okay, so

Speaker 1 Washington State, you've done unbelievable things at that program, but we want to see Washington State get to the top, get to the college football playoffs.

Speaker 1 So I'm going to give you the top five teams right now. You tell me who wins, Cougar versus Tiger, the Clemson Tigers.

Speaker 3 Well, they don't have a live Tiger.

Speaker 3 And his head's more top-heavy than Butch's, it appears. Butch

Speaker 3 is often a tall guy.

Speaker 3 And they try not to reveal their identity. I have caught them a couple times because

Speaker 3 you'll leave a fundraiser, and a fundraiser is usually an older crowd, you know, where Butch will be at, and some cheerleaders will be there.

Speaker 3 And then as you're waiting for the ride from the facility, all of a sudden,

Speaker 3 you know, there'll be a guy that looks like a student. He'll be like 6'3 or 6'4 sometimes and

Speaker 3 just sweaty as can be. I mean, just

Speaker 3 still sweaty, you know. And so I'm thinking, who would this guy be? I mean, just some guy came by, took a jog.
I mean, what is this? And then it occurs to me, this has to be butch. Because, you know,

Speaker 3 you know, because sweating underneath all that carpet and everything in the midst of this event, you got to sweat under there, I assume. And son of a gun, it's Butch.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 1 so

Speaker 3 our butches tend to be

Speaker 3 reasonably good size dudes, too. So

Speaker 3 I've got to go with Butch.

Speaker 1 Okay, and then what about

Speaker 1 the cougar versus the elephant, Alabama, Crimson Tide?

Speaker 3 Well, if they get a real elephant, we're in trouble.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 3 If it's a real genuine elephant, we're in trouble.

Speaker 3 Can't say I've seen the elephant uh

Speaker 1 mascot or at least i don't recall but if it's a guy in a costume i'm gonna go with the elusiveness of butch okay the elephant's trunk is it leaves something to be desired yeah in alabama it's kind of like this floppy thing all right okay

Speaker 1 you've got to carry that around i would assume some people have that problem yeah i would assume butch takes down the georgia bulldog we'll we'll give butch that it is a live bulldog though we do have to say that we do have to say that uh I'll say LSU will kill Butch because Mike the Tiger is live.

Speaker 1 How about this one?

Speaker 1 I'm with you on

Speaker 1 the Tiger. How about this one? Notre Dame, the Leprechaun versus Butch T.
Cougar.

Speaker 3 That Leprechaun better actually be magic because otherwise I'm going with Butch.

Speaker 1 Okay, good answer. All right.
So

Speaker 1 that was the breakdown of the top 10. I mean, we jumped around there of Butch versus other mascots.
Do we know what Butch T. Cougar's middle name is?

Speaker 3 Touchdown, I assume.

Speaker 1 I like that. That's a good answer.
That's nice. That's nice.
Also, I just looked it up. I don't know if this changes your mind at all.

Speaker 1 Shasta is the name of the University of Houston's Cougar, and I think they actually have a live Cougar. Shasta 4 is live on campus.

Speaker 1 But they also have a guy in a suit that comes out for the games, obviously.

Speaker 3 I suggest we try to avoid the live Cougar.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 3 There's one up here allegedly running around my neighborhood here in Pullman,

Speaker 3 which hopefully they get that guy with the dogs on Mountain Man and chase him around a little bit.

Speaker 3 Yeah, run him up to the high country. But

Speaker 3 from what I understand, they used to have a live cougar here.

Speaker 3 When I was at BYU, they had a live cougar like a year or two before I got there.

Speaker 3 But yeah, a live cougar, you'd have your hands full with that.

Speaker 3 And that tiger, I've been past that tiger before coming out the tunnel at LSU.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 And that,

Speaker 3 shoot, that tiger's huge.

Speaker 1 All right, my last question. SeatGeek question.
If you want to go to the game on Friday night, put in promo code TAKE. You get $10 off your SeatGeek purchase.

Speaker 1 I figured you would be the perfect guy to ask. We have a long-running thing with our producer, Hank.
He is convinced that he can catch a fish with his hands like a bear.

Speaker 1 Have you ever seen that? And do you think he can?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I've seen people do that.

Speaker 3 And I don't know if he can or not because I don't know his experience level. He's probably a really quick guy.

Speaker 1 Nope.

Speaker 3 You get,

Speaker 3 but you try to.

Speaker 3 There's guys that kind of have the patience and technique, you know, because there's a point to where I'm going to try to hit hit the fish with a rock or a stick you know i mean i'll try once i'm i'm like the the the old commercial that they had on how many licks does it get to the

Speaker 3 the center of a tootsie pop right so

Speaker 3 you know they everybody's trying to lick and they bite and they take the tootsie pop to the wise old owl yeah and the owl says he licks on it once

Speaker 3 says one licks on it twice says two

Speaker 3 licks on it the third time says three, then he bites into it, he says three, it takes three.

Speaker 3 And so my patience level is about like that owl's.

Speaker 3 But those guys with the hands, what they'll do is they just kind of back them into the corner of the

Speaker 3 kind of what's essentially a puddle there in the stream or whatever. And some of these guys can do it, you know.

Speaker 1 I still don't believe Hank can do it. It's going to be tough for Hank.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I don't know if Hank can or not.
He's a lefty.

Speaker 3 Well, that probably helps because I'm lefty, too.

Speaker 3 Lefties are crafty people.

Speaker 1 Facts.

Speaker 1 That's true. Fish are used to going against the righty, probably.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you're getting crossed up. He could get you one.

Speaker 1 All right, Gosh, I got one last question.

Speaker 3 I don't know if Fish can fight against the South Paw.

Speaker 1 Probably not. Probably not.
I got one last question for you, then we'll let you go. I know that you taught that Football and Insurgent Warfare class last semester up there.

Speaker 1 Are you going to use any of the plays from that class that you put out as an assignment for your students to draw up?

Speaker 3 You know, we've got them in a file and which we look at and observe.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 not always exact, but some of them have some kind of clever concepts, you know, because

Speaker 3 the other guy always sees something you don't.

Speaker 3 You get caught in the middle of it and you're worrying about where somebody's foot is and somebody's hand is and is their ass too high high or something like that.

Speaker 3 And,

Speaker 3 you know, sometimes there's some obvious things that people can see, but there were some good ideas, and they weren't all just double reverse flea flicker,

Speaker 3 triple passes, and that type of thing. You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Some were pretty sound,

Speaker 3 well-thought-out

Speaker 3 plays.

Speaker 1 I love, by the way, just as an aside to the last thing, I love that when someone asked you, I don't know when they asked you, what your favorite football plays were, the number one is four verticals at any time.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, everybody runs it. Everybody runs it.
And on four verticals, you're always open at some point.

Speaker 3 You're either open underneath the coverage or you're open when the coverage transitions or you're open behind the coverage. And then, or if you're cutting across seams, you're open in the windows.

Speaker 3 You're always open somewhere. The difficult thing is executing that

Speaker 3 execution where the quarterback's ready to throw when the receiver's ready to catch, you know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. All right, Coach.
Well, good luck on Friday night. Say hello to our good friend Dana for us.
And

Speaker 1 we're rooting for Coach Holgerson, but if you win,

Speaker 1 you're our second place in our heart. If Coach Holgerson doesn't win, we want you to win.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 All right. If he doesn't win, we probably will.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 well,

Speaker 1 tie would be great. No, you can't tie in college.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Maybe go so many overtimes that everyone falls asleep.

Speaker 3 Well,

Speaker 3 as long as we're going to be up all night, we might as well have some overtime.

Speaker 1 Yeah. There you go.
Exactly. And remember, no punting.
Yeah, yeah, no punting. You just got to go up to him and say, hey, pardon my take, said we're doing no punts.
He'll know.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 All right. Thanks so much, coach.
All right.

Speaker 3 Great talking to you guys. All right.

Speaker 1 Take care.

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Speaker 1 Okay, let's get to some segments. What do you got, Hank? I'm just going to give the last.
So it's the Vikings, Redskins, Rams, Browns, and the fifth pick will be on Barcelon Sports Advisors.

Speaker 1 Barstool Sports Advisors. And when can we watch that? And where can we watch it? You can watch it.

Speaker 1 It comes out Friday on YouTube, Barcelon Bets, or you can watch it Sunday morning on the Barcelon Sports website at 11.30.

Speaker 1 I thought we moved the time.

Speaker 1 What time? I don't know. I think it's earlier in the day.

Speaker 1 I think it's Sunday. 10 to 10.
I think it's 10. Barcelon Bets YouTube on Friday night.
Watch it anytime you want this weekend. 10 a.m., I think.
Do a little hot leaf. Watch it.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, we don't advocate. Do that.
That show is made for the show. Don't do that.
No, it's not. Don't do that.
You're telling people to use drugs and watch our shows. So then they'll forget.

Speaker 1 Hey, have you ever watched Barcelona Sports Advisors on weed? They'll forget all the picks. Yeah, that's actually a good thing.
So do do that.

Speaker 1 take a mind eraser before you watch bars get really high smelling salts and bang your head against a wall yeah okay let's get some segments first up we have our fire fest of the week pfd what do you got for fire fest of the week my fire fest of the week is literally a fire fest they canceled area 51 festival so the storm area 51 thing is officially shut down i think you have you have to say they got to the guy that was planning it the government did yep and they told him to shut it down although i do respect this quote from him.

Speaker 1 He was saying, it's a fantastic relief. I've had a lot of concerns leading up to it.
Just to see those all come to a head 11 days before the event and then cancel. It's kind of a relief.

Speaker 1 That's got to be a pretty sweet plan. Like, canceling a giant festival that you helped to promote

Speaker 1 a week out? He was telling everyone in his family, like, can't do it that week.

Speaker 1 Got to go storm Area 51. Like, I got to get a flight.
Got to figure out food and all that stuff to cancel that. Yeah, it would feel amazing.
I'm leaving.

Speaker 1 He was going to be in in charge of tens of thousands of people? I think there were like over a million people that said that they were going to attend on Facebook.

Speaker 1 So this guy actually probably just worked for the government all along and got a list of people that we can then arrest. Yes, a list of people that should not be allowed in Nevada.
But there's nobody.

Speaker 1 You can go ahead and still storm Area 51 if you want to. There's not one guy that's going to be leading the charge, right? That's true.
It's the People's Festival.

Speaker 1 I say it's like a, if you build it, they will come thing for Randy Quaid.

Speaker 1 If enough RVs show up in the desert at once, Randy Quaid and Tom from Blink182 will show up and play a concert.

Speaker 1 There's definitely going to be a couple random people who show up who like start, you know, like said they were going and then hopped in a car a week ago and were like, we're going to just head out there.

Speaker 1 Going across country. Yeah, and they're like, fuck, it's over.
Yeah, well, those people might not have the internet. Yeah, right.
Would be my hope at least.

Speaker 1 It reminded me a lot of Gathering of the Juggalos, the way that it was set up.

Speaker 1 That event where it's like 90% journalists now. Free fake.
And 10% actual attendees. That's what this was probably going to be.
Every protest/slash riot in Portland. Exactly.

Speaker 1 It's mostly people trying to get retweets based off videos of the protest slash riots. It's like 100 journalists and then five people in Antifa and five Nazis, and then they just push them together.

Speaker 1 Yeah. They're like, look at how crazy this is.
Fight. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, Hank, Firefest. My Firefest of the week is that the USA Celtics lost to Serbia today and guaranteed that there was the worst basketball finish ever.
Tough week for Serbians.

Speaker 1 First, you got Djokovic retired. Good week last week for Serbia.
Actually, they beat the

Speaker 1 USA. But now they've awoken a sleeping giant in our basketball team.
And you know what? Carmelo is coming back on the fly there. No, I'm serious.
Oh, shout out Carmelo.

Speaker 1 Have you seen the gym that we need to go to this gym? It's ridiculous. This gym that has runs every day.

Speaker 1 I think it was Bleacherboard posted a James Harden has found new ways to dominate. And it was the first two things or highlights of James Harden in this gym.

Speaker 1 And then all of a sudden sudden it was just Mello like going to the hole. And like, Mello's sneaking his way into other people's highlights to be like, who's that guy? He looks good.
I love that.

Speaker 1 I fucking love that. Carmelo's hacking into other people's highlights.
He's doing everything he can.

Speaker 1 But yeah, so basically, the internet, NBA, Twitter, everyone's been roasting the Celtics because there was four of the

Speaker 1 four major teams. And it's tough to defend because it's like, you know, save for Drew Your Pod.
It's the worst finish ever. Yeah, no, that is tough.

Speaker 1 So are we of the mindset that Kawaii Championship DD season for the Celtics

Speaker 1 with the USA? Okay,

Speaker 1 the season starts today. Got it.
So, it's not Brad Stevens coaching, which might be an issue. It's Pop.
But is Kawhi going to play for Pop?

Speaker 1 No. No.
No,

Speaker 1 it was all like nobody's. But I'm saying when it counts.

Speaker 1 It was nobody's. When it gets down to nut cutting time and it's not the JV roster for Brad Stevens, like Louis.
In the Olympics, when's he not? I don't think Kawhi's ever

Speaker 1 participated. I don't know if he.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I saw that.

Speaker 1 I think Tom Thibodeau did a, he was like the color guy on one of the games because he was trending and it sounded, I didn't listen to it, but it sounded like he just snored into a microphone for two hours.

Speaker 1 That's pretty good. Yeah.
When Tom Thibodeau's trending, I got very nervous that, because he's not getting another coaching job. He was a finalist for the 2016 U.S.
Men's Olympic team. Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 That's who I was. So there you go.
Was that Pop or Coach K? That was, I believe it was Pop. It might have been Coach K.
Coach K does this thing where he just coaches everyone in the U.S.

Speaker 1 and then has like LeBron call all these recruits and then LeBron tells him that he's going to get paid by Coach K and no one seems to care.

Speaker 1 So it's yeah, it's the conglomeration of two people that are really good at paying people under the table. Right.
Exactly. That's a lot of money being funneled.
My Fire Fest is the Chicago Cubs.

Speaker 1 They're the most maddening team, frustrating team I've ever watched. Not really, ever, but they're getting pretty close.

Speaker 1 They just want to toy with everyone's hearts and they win one game, lose one game, lose two games, don't score for a week. Then they look awesome.
You Darvers are somehow their best pitcher.

Speaker 1 I am at the point where I'm just, I don't even know what I want anymore because they're fighting for that second wild card spot, which is pretty much just a way to lose in the first or second round.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But yeah, and on top of that, I was like having a bad week because the Cubs were pissing me off.
And then I watched the new Dog the Bounty Hunter on Wednesday night, and it wasn't that good.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. The first episode was good.
The second one, he was going to fight this dude, and the dude just went into his house to try to get a gun, and Dog left.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, you don't think Dog left. He's like, go get your gun, bitch, and then they just hightailed it out of there.
And I was like, I want to see this. Yeah, that's really tough.

Speaker 1 But back to the Cubs real quick. Do you think that all the speculation about Theo leaving and going to the Red Sox is having a freaking sound? No speculation.

Speaker 1 No, the speculation that Joe Madden's going to get fired is probably true. And yeah, he's probably going to get fired.
Okay. So, and a lot of things are going to probably change.

Speaker 1 And Jorge Solaire has 44 home runs. Whatever.
Okay, so that was my fire fest. Also, I'm addicted to saying I'm going to melt down.

Speaker 1 When did it start? From the Falcons? The Falcons got you into it? That was a start. And then I threatened to melt down if the Bears lose.
And then I also threatened, I threw out a meltdown.

Speaker 1 I was watching the Chicago Sky in the playoffs. And Britney Griner got hurt in the first half.
And I said, if the sky can't beat the Britney Griner-less Mercury, I'm going to melt down. That's true.

Speaker 1 And then at that point, I was like, I've saturated the meltdown market. You've been watching Chernobyl too much.
Yeah, so it's worked its way into your brain. I pressed, what was it?

Speaker 1 Kind of ironic that you're saying. The Alpha Z4?

Speaker 1 Yeah, the Alpha Z4, the carbon-tipped fire.

Speaker 1 I pressed the button. shoved into your brain.
Yes. So I'm going to melt down.
All right. Put one in his ear hole.
Justify. Justify is a cheater.
The horse. I hope you're sitting down.

Speaker 1 If you have kids in your car, tell them to shut up and plug their ears.

Speaker 1 Horse racing is not on the up and up. Yeah, I guess horses can't be role models anymore, but Justify tested positive for using a banned substance.
Yep. Probably knowingly.
And then

Speaker 1 he definitely was like, give me all the steroids. And then he hasn't come out and given an excuse like whether he had fake cancer or that he was trying to recover from an injury.

Speaker 1 Or pretended that he doesn't speak English in front of Congress. Yeah.
Or that he ate. tainted horse meat in Mexico.
Yeah. None of these things have happened.

Speaker 1 So as far as we know, Justify is guilty as sin, and his triple crown win should be, what, vacated? Are we doing that?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, I can't remember who I bet on, but I didn't bet on Justify, so I would like my money back. Absolutely, my bookie, if you're out there listening to me, they should have it back.

Speaker 1 You know what they should do? They should fucking brand him with an asterisk. Yes.
Like a cattle brand. He'd just have to wear that

Speaker 1 on his hindquarters for the rest of his days.

Speaker 1 We should have known when his baseball cap didn't fit anymore because his skull was so fucking huge. Yeah,

Speaker 1 his fucking horse. I just don't know how I'm going to watch horse racing anymore now that I know that there's people cheating.
Yeah, it's fucked up. All-time worst horses.

Speaker 1 Number one, Nyquist, still in agreement. Number two, Justify.
Number three. Number three.
John Elway. Yep.
Number four.

Speaker 1 Never liked Mr. Ed.
Trojan Horse. The Trojan Horses.
Mr. Ed.
No, Trojan Horse is cool because it got his condoms. Oh, that's true.
Yeah. So that's the whole thing.
Okay, good point. Right there.

Speaker 1 Good point.

Speaker 1 Number four.

Speaker 1 I don't know. There's got to be a horse out there that's just kind of annoying.
I wasn't a fan of Mr. Ed.
Yeah, it was amazing because

Speaker 1 he was way past our time. I thought horses can talk.
He went before our time, actually. Yeah.

Speaker 1 When I realized I didn't, I was like, fuck horses.

Speaker 1 All right. Could you imagine just going back in time? Like, your only option for entertainment on TV is to watch a show about a fucking talking horse.
That was it. Holy shit.
You had a talking horse.

Speaker 1 What about going back in time to the only way to get around was a horse? Yes, but I actually think it'd be worse. Riding a horse would be fun.
Being like, hey, what's on TV tonight?

Speaker 1 Oh, it's the fucking talking horse again? Yeah. And that's it? That's your only channel.
That was as good as Special Effects got was a horse with peanut butter in its mouth. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That was moving its jar around so it looked like it was talking. No, thank you.
Yeah, and there's one NFL game on a week. One college game.
You can watch USC play.

Speaker 1 And then they cut away from the NFL game to switch to fucking Heidi sometimes. Damn, I don't know how people did it.
They didn't have a green zone. No, they did not.

Speaker 1 How could you ever survive without a green zone? PR 101, Miami Heat.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 Bangbros, yep, offered $10 million to get the naming rights for the Miami Heat Arena. They did.

Speaker 1 You got to take it. Yeah, I mean, why not? You got to take it.
I don't see why not. It's great marketing for your city.
Great marketing for your city. You are kind of a porn city.
It's like L.A.

Speaker 1 Maybe fans will actually come early. Yeah.
Ooh, there you go. First time.
Back Sports Town.

Speaker 1 So I love this move by Bang Bros. I would like to see one place.
This seems like a minor league stadium should do this.

Speaker 1 Somewhere that has nothing to lose. Yeah, have Bangbros Night.
Or Bang Bros Lounge. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because you know how many horny dudes would be like, oh, I'm going to go there, and there's definitely going to be porn stars I can fuck.

Speaker 1 All the fellas just take a break from their families in the seventh inning stretch to just go hang out. And it's literally just a bee lounge.
Yeah, it's just a bar. And you're like, what?

Speaker 1 It's a bar with like a bartender wearing a bra yeah i felt this this is this is heaven am i right you could probably actually make the bang bros lounge also one of those places where you know like when the iron bowl comes around and they say we're free tickets for the iron bowl and then they just arrest everyone who hasn't done child support right the bang bros lounge if you go if you pay for a ticket at the bang bros lounge you should just be arrested because you're too much of a porn guy it's pre-crime absolutely if you walk in the door of that they should sponsor the black hole oh that'd be that would be a natural fit what about bang bros presents check this out bang bros presents the black hole and then one section is called incognito mode.

Speaker 1 Ooh, what about Richie? The Bangbros, we make instead of the dog pound, because Cleveland hasn't done well with that, the brown hole. Ooh, that's good.
And then Cleveland, and then

Speaker 1 Ohio porn stars. Dog Pound Town.
Yeah. Just call it Pound Town instead of Dog Pound Town.
Dog Pound Town. Yeah, that would be a little.
Doggy.

Speaker 1 Pound your dog. We gave you enough to work with.
Last up, before we get to FAQ, just chill out, man. Dwight Howard bought a car because of Thanos.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he got a purple car because he wants to be like Thanos. He's inspired by Thanos, which he wants to destroy everything.
He wants to destroy everything. So he went from being

Speaker 1 to being, yeah, especially his dog, R.I.P. Tony Stark.
Tony Stark. So, yeah.
Dwight Howard, I don't know. He's doing the thing that LeBron did when he went to Miami.

Speaker 1 It was like, I'm going to turn myself into a villain. Yeah, but what's wrong with liking a heel? You liked heels, WWE.
It's the same thing. I mean, too soon, Boogie Cousins just...

Speaker 1 That's fucked up, Hank. Dwight Howard literally took Boogie Cousins' roster spot.

Speaker 1 The other just chill out, man, was Peyton Manning.

Speaker 1 Joe Thomas told the story that Peyton Manning called him up when they wanted to trade for Joe Thomas to the Broncos, and he told Joe Thomas to go poop on the GM's desk to demand a trade.

Speaker 1 Just chill out, man. Chill out.
I mean, that is Peyton Manning. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm surprised he didn't say go put your balls on a trainer's face. Yeah, all of his good ideas start with take off your pants inside a team facility.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's a one-trick pony. All right.
Let's finish up the week with FAQs. We got no guest Monday and then Big Guest Wednesday.
Should we just start calling it Big Guest Wednesday? Physically.

Speaker 1 Should we say who he is? He's physically huge.

Speaker 1 He's taller than Gronka. Keep it out.
Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That out. But keep it in.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Speaking of the Browns, Big Cat, does Big Cat secretly hate the Browns? It seems like he's very quietly rooting them for them to fail this year. No, I actually really like the Browns, and I've always

Speaker 1 long said that I like Browns fans, not Cavs fans, which makes no sense.

Speaker 1 My problem with Browns fans right now, and we have one in the office, Jeff D. Lowe, who's very talented.

Speaker 1 You can't spend all offseason saying you're going to win the Super Bowl and then after week one, be like, I didn't have my hopes up. I expected this.
This is classic Browns.

Speaker 1 But they're already saying, Jeff told me this earlier today. If they win this week, it's a reset on the season.
Right. So he's resetting.
Right, but he's going back to zero. He's not despairing.

Speaker 1 You do like needling Browns fans.

Speaker 1 But do you understand what I'm saying? Like, the Browns fans,

Speaker 1 if you get super, super excited, which you have every right to do, you can't backtrack it that quickly and be like, well, we never expected anything to happen because we're the Browns. Just to own it.

Speaker 1 Just be like, you know what? That was a dumpster fire of a week one. We thought we were Super Bowl champs.
We're not. It's reset time.
That's all it is. I'm just saying, just be consistent.

Speaker 1 I'm cool with getting way overhyped for your team. I do it very often.
Why is the vagina area a triangle, but we call it a box?

Speaker 1 I don't know what kind of like geometry-shaped people you're sleeping with. I don't think a vagina is a triangle.
It's more of a... It's a diamond.
It's a diamond. Yeah, it's a rhombus.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's definitely a... It's a sideways box.
It's definitely a quadrilateral of some sort. That's like an oval.
It's like a kayak. There you go.
Do you think anyone has like a box? Like a box.

Speaker 1 Like a box-shaped vagina? Just a square? Just a rectangle. A perfect square?

Speaker 1 Probably a porn star from Ohio. Oh, geez.
There you go.

Speaker 1 Don't shame.

Speaker 1 That is a good question, though. The box? I think anything that a guy can put his dick into qualifies as a box.
It's a box. Yeah.
That's our rule of thumb.

Speaker 1 Hey, guys, as someone with big nipples, I've always had a problem wearing the right shirts.

Speaker 1 If I wear one that fits with the rest of my body well, my nipples will still poke out, which is obvious to my friends and in pictures.

Speaker 1 My girlfriend recently suggested getting this product called nipple tape. That's apparently a fashion trend used by male models and celebrities to hide their nips.

Speaker 1 Do I give in and try my girlfriend's suggestion, or do I own it and let them fly? Well, I have big nipples myself, big old pepperoni nipples. Dark nipples.

Speaker 1 You didn't need to add that. They are.

Speaker 1 They're like spoiled pepperonis. The burnt pepperonis.

Speaker 1 We should...

Speaker 1 Someone should send me those. I'll try them out and I'll let you know.
I do like how they've rebranded from being pasties to being just like cool, fashionable nipple tape. No, it's just a pasty.

Speaker 1 Have you ever thought about getting the pasties with the tassels on them? Yeah, I'll do that. I'll do whatever.
Send me some nipple stuff. Send me four.
Sup Hank, question for you boys.

Speaker 1 Is a dog's tail always wagging and they make it stop, or is it always still and they make it wag?

Speaker 3 Whoa.

Speaker 1 There's nothing better than your dog's tail wagging just by the sight of you or the or your voice. That's like the best feeling ever.

Speaker 1 That's when you, like when people freak out, oh, dogs are everything. Dogs are everything when you just say your dog's name and the tail wags.
So Leroy, as we've discussed, has gone blind recently.

Speaker 1 So if he just hears me walking by him, if he can hear my feet on the ground, he doesn't get up because he's too lazy, but he just stays laying perfectly flat on the ground and you just hear the

Speaker 1 best. It is pretty cool.
The best. It's like I did that.
Yeah. Hank, your dog?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, you hate pets. Nope.

Speaker 1 So what's the answer? What about it? What was it? Is a dog's tail always wagging and they make it stop, or is it always still and they make it wag? They make it wag. They make it wag.

Speaker 1 That's them asking for a boop. Yep.

Speaker 1 And Morse code.

Speaker 1 After this week's shirtless embarrassment, what? Will PFT be getting a spray tan anytime soon?

Speaker 1 Well, first of all, I think if there's an opposite of a spray tan, that's probably what I should be looking at. I was very red.
It was a terrible visual.

Speaker 1 I'll be the first to be able to get a trendy title. I think you might have tried to get that visual bad.
Your

Speaker 1 chin.

Speaker 1 You look like you were taking a shit. You're right.
It had a lot to do with my body position. If you think I was trying to look like that, absolutely not.

Speaker 1 I had a bad neck position. I did this.
I did this. Yeah,

Speaker 1 you cannot do that. Don't screen grab that.
You tried to do that. Whatever you do.
No, but I didn't do it on purpose. But I feel like you know when you're doing that.

Speaker 1 No, no, I did not realize that I was going to look bad. And then I had the big red body.
It looked like I had all this, what are they called? The Thetans from Scientology.

Speaker 1 It looked like I was just swimming in Thetans like I was fucking Alex Jones or whatever STD he has that makes his whole body red when he gets mad. So,

Speaker 1 it was a tough experience for me. I'm not getting a spray tan.

Speaker 1 I'm not getting spray tanned, but I am on a diet.

Speaker 1 I'm on hour 18, and it sucks. Nice.

Speaker 1 Probably a Jimbo. I recently relocated for work and don't know anyone in this dirtbag city, Louisville.
I met this chick.

Speaker 1 I met this chick in my apartment complex when I moved in, and one thing led to another, and we hooked up.

Speaker 1 Now she will not leave me alone and pretty much spies on what I'm doing or who is coming and going into my room. No clue on how to get this crazy lady away from me.

Speaker 1 What would you do in this situation? It's going to be a long-year lease, SMH.

Speaker 1 Marry her. Yeah, you either got to tie the knot.

Speaker 1 Scare her away by

Speaker 1 you got to start stalking her. Marry her.

Speaker 1 Either that or you could just let her watch you bringing a lot of really weird shit into your apartment that nobody likes like bring a big what like a tuba bring or just get one of those like sex like uh swings and like drag it in yeah so she's like what the fuck or just carry in like a whole bunch of rolled up rugs so it looks like you're bringing human bodies into your apartment that's not a bad idea either yeah i like that or just like a bunch of corn cds limp biscuit albums yeah never shower again ever all right last one in honor of sam Darnold, have any of you guys ever had mono?

Speaker 1 And if so, how did you get it? No, no, never had mono. Don't kiss me.
I was not cool enough to kiss enough girls.

Speaker 1 I was always jealous of people that did because I got to miss school for like two weeks and just chill.

Speaker 1 It does sound pretty sweet. I'll be honest with you.
Of all the diseases that you can have, mono's got to be top five for me.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 what's the disease? No, lupus is bad. Yeah, exactly.
What's the disease that Robbie Fox has where he's like his circulation when he's in cold?

Speaker 1 That seems like a pretty sick disease because you can basically just say, I can't be cold. Yeah.
No, he can't be cold and he can't be hot either. Right.
He's like, he's warm. Temperature control.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 he's cold-blooded.

Speaker 1 He adapts to his environment. Worst disease to have betting on the Atlanta Falcons every single week and expecting a different result.
That's pretty bad. Also, having big nipples is a terrible one.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And also faking how you're looking in a picture and then saying, wow, it was so bad, even though you did it on purpose.
I would be the first person in history to fake having a double chip.

Speaker 1 Yes, you should admit it. You You should admit it.
All right. We'll see you everyone Monday.

Speaker 1 Love you guys.

Speaker 1 Say I'm saying anyway.

Speaker 1 The days of my days are fine.

Speaker 1 Shut up.

Speaker 1 I've got

Speaker 1 a

Speaker 1 day.

Speaker 1 Cause I don't believe that's the same.

Speaker 1 I'm all the same.

Speaker 1 I'm not being stoned a little way.

Speaker 1 Still there's nothing

Speaker 1 to wait.

Speaker 1 Say

Speaker 1 everything

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 Just never

Speaker 1 work away.

Speaker 1 All time you're

Speaker 1 all.

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