Rob Gronkowski, MNF Recap, And Uncle Chaps Reading Guys On Chicks

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, future Hall of Famer Rob Gronkowski. We've been wanting to have this interview for a long time.
He finally came in, and it was great. It was great.
It did not disappoint. Gronk is just a ball of energy and joy.
He's a drug. He's a drug.
Being around him, you get to contact Rob Hyde. It's great.
It's incredible. So we have Gronk in studio, little Monday night football cleanup, little hot seat, cool throne, and our longtime friend, Uncle Chaps, joins us to read some guys on chicks and have a lot of laughs.
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Okay, let's go.

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Today is Wednesday, September 11th.

And Joe Flacco

fucking stinks. No, let's

slow down. Let's slow down.

He stinks. This is not fair.

It's not fair that you blindsided me with this

right off the jump. He stinks.
Who knows

how many yards Flacco could have thrown for against the

Dolphins? The Denver Broncos

traded. They willingly

traded for Joe Flacco.

Yes, that's a fact. Listen, the Raiders weren't going to lose last night.
It could have been anybody. It could have been the 85 Bears out there.
It could have been the 2007-2008 Patriots, the one where they lost to Eli. It could have been that team out there.
The Raiders were going to be on a mission from the get-go. Here's the thing about the NFL.
Let me explain something to you. Oh, okay.
In the NFL. Wow.
Here we go. Tell me how the Dolphins are going to be good.
Pull up a chair. In the NFL, every team is filled with good players.
If I were to put this like Ron Jaworski, every NFL team has NFL players except for the Dolphins. They're not very good.
But they spent the entire week hearing about Antonio Brown, hearing about how they were going to suck, how they had no hope,

they were lost as a franchise.

Anytime that happens, especially before a Monday night game,

the team's going to be motivated to play a little bit extra hard,

especially if you've got John Gruden as your coach.

That was a team that was going to beat anybody. Okay, so with all that said, how could they –

you say they're going to beat anyone and they only won by a touchdown. They didn't kill them.
Joe Flacco stinks. He stinks.
He's bad. He shouldn't be a starting quarterback in the NFL anymore.
John Elway likes him because he's tall and he throws – he still throws a nice-looking ball, but it's just nothing else is good. Problem with Joe Flacco.
That little fucking throw that he made when it was – he had a wide-open guy in the flat and he threw it to his near shoulder and just made him. Joe Flacco made his wide-open receiver stumble and fall because of how poorly he placed the ball.
Because the pass was thrown so hard. A three-yard pass.
A three-yard pass to the flats. He couldn't do it.
Well, here's the deal with Joe Flacco. Right when he sucks the most is about when he's about to be great the most.
No. So he's like the sun.
He's been bad for like five years now. It's always darkest before the dawn.
Listen, I agree that the Raiders were extra motivated, but man, does Joe Flacco stink. And you've got to go Drew Locke now.
Well, he's hurt. Oh, he is? Yeah, Drew Locke's hurt.
Get Paxton Lynch back on the team. Get Paxton Lynch or Swag Kelly.
Do it again. The ghost of Swag Kelly is haunting.
They probably should have thought about doing something different at quarterback last night. Yeah.
He was not playing well. The funniest thing that he did by far...
If the Bears lose to Joe Flacco, I'm going to have a meltdown. I've already agreed to it.
I'm going to have a meltdown. Heaven forbid.
A live on the air meltdown. Oh, Vic Fangio.
Is that a Sunday night game? Okay, Vic Fangio. Let's talk about it again.
No, no, no. It's Sunday afternoon, 425.
We're going to be live streaming. I will have a meltdown.
First, did you see Joe Flacco try to do the Tom Brady quarterback sneak? Like, get him up to the line real quick? Yes. And then run like a two-yard sneak? Yes.
And the announcers were losing their shit. They're like, this is where the 6'5 body of Flacco comes so important.
He got like negative one yard because he can't move forward. Correct.
Joe Flacco can do a five-step drop as clean as anybody, but you ask him to do anything else, he starts to fuck it all up. Vic Fangio, first of all, it's tough when you're losing to have the belt in the middle of your sweatshirt.

That was a tough look.

It looked like he was wearing a mini skirt.

It was a weird look.

That's just the look.

That's a coordinator look.

He's their head coach now.

You've got to clean it up, Vic.

You've got to clean it up.

I like Vic Fangio.

I think he's a fantastic defensive coordinator.

When he kicked that field goal down 21-6 with 10 minutes left in the fourth quarter. You need two touchdowns no matter what.
He kicked a field goal to then need two touchdowns no matter what. Yeah, John Gruden can count backwards from threes.
Vic Fangio apparently can't. It's insane.
I don't understand what coaches – why are you so afraid of not getting a fourth down when kicking a field goal is essentially admitting defeat there? It's a punt that you happen to get credit for. You get three points for it, big deal.
You got to kick off again. Yeah, that was dumb.
That's a first-year coach. That's a defensive coordinator move right there.
But Mike Tomlin did it too. Yeah, he's going to look – I think to your point about the sweatshirt and the belt, he's built for cold weather.
He's going to look better when he's got the big Mike Shanahan bubble jacket on. Tuck the sweatshirt in and you're fine.
Wear it as a real belt. He had it like mid-drift.
Somebody told me he still has the kidney stone in there. Oh.
In the belt? Yeah. Well, no.
He saved it? That would be a very good can't you? He held on to it. Put it on his necklace like a shark tooth? Chuck Pagano's got the grit coins he passes out.
Instead of the game ball, you get to hold his little calcium deposit for a week. Yes, yes.
All right, so we're going to talk about the other Monday night game, but I have one more thought about this one. What the NFL is doing to the Raiders is absolute bullshit.
I'm going to miss Oakland fans so, so much. The black hole.
Watching the black hole, especially that second Monday night game,

it feels like the Raiders always play it.

They should actually make that game in Oakland

no matter what forever in memoriam

because the Raider fans,

just every single shot,

every single camera shot to the crowd is art.

It really is.

You had the guy in the Chucky mask.

You had guys in space helmets, face paint.

The black hole is something that you can't replicate, and the NFL is robbing us of that. And I'm disgusted.
I'm going to say it. I'm disgusted.
Put the Chargers in Vegas. The great thing about the black hole is that everyone is wearing some sort of facial disguise or helmet of some sort, like its entire section of Daft Punk back there, and you don't know who's under.
It's like the Masked Singer. It could be Antonio Brown.
You don't know. Yes.
But I guarantee you there are some celebrities that attend Raiders games with helmets on that you don't know. It could be Riley Curry.
Guy Fieri. Underneath the stormtrooper.
Well, Guy Fieri lives his life. His face is a helmet.
Yes. It's a natural disguise.
The fuck AB chant. Well.
There's just something about Oakland that I feel like we're being robbed of one of the best fan bases. And yeah, people say they'll travel.
But listen, the Vegas stadium is going to be beautiful. It's going to be state of the art.
It's going to be gorgeous. No baseball field.
No baseball field. I'm going to miss that.
Not only that, but the black hole. I don't understand, like, the physics behind a night game having a huge shadow in the end zone.
Like that end at the black hole they the broncos had to start a drive from there i couldn't even see it's like it it's like a the the uh i don't watch star wars what is it the death star yep that's right okay i got it i nailed it got that on the first one um it's just we're losing it and i'm sad it made me sad last night i was enjoying so much watching that game not for the game because it stunk but for the fans and credit to derrick carr he was awesome he was pretty good and then after the game he he did the derrick carr thing where he was like i love ab we're gonna miss him sure uh yeah sure derrick carr sure sure you are but now we have now i have to spend the next week saying that derrick carr is a class act Sure you were just wearing Regular suntan lotion and not oiling your arms For hard knocks Sure John Gruden is your best friend in the entire world Sure you were crying that time you got hurt And sure you don't wear mascara Yeah sure it's not tattooed on Just because it's on there permanently doesn't mean it's not makeup Sure Sure. Having your kids literally fight each other for the first

episode of Hard Knocks to show how tough the Carr

family is wasn't totally planned.

Sure. Yeah, sure.
Your head's not a perfect

sphere. Yeah, sure.
Sure, dude.

Yeah, I believe you. Seven-year bump, though.

Well, is it six, seven-year bump? That's what we're on?

Six-year bump? Six-year bump.

Six-year bump. Seven-year slump, six-year bump.

John Gruden

high-fiving the black hole after the game was incredible. He did the penguin run over the black hole.
And he was like, man, man, man. It was great, yeah.
And I actually, and the worst part about it is like normally under these circumstances, like you can look at owners that have moved teams in the past. Stan Kroenke, everyone hates that guy.
You have Art Modell, like Mark Davis, can you really hate him? I don't even know if he knows they're moving. No, you can't hate Mark Davis.
No, you can't. I love Mark Davis.
So you don't even have anything you can point to and say, that guy's evil. Mark Davis, he just wants to go where there's more P.F.
Changs. I just want Mark Davis to watch every game from the Oakland Stadium in a lawn chair at midfield with a cooler, just looking at just looking at the jumbotron, watching his team play like Cheetos on his white jeans and white shirt.
And just covering his hands in the Cheeto dust too. Yeah.
No, the stadium is going to be way different. I don't think that the fans aren't going to travel from Oakland to Las Vegas.
They'll travel, but what you don't think they will. I think the stadium is going to be filled with a bunch of bachelor parties and bachelorette parties all dressed up in costumes.
No, but what I'm saying is Raider fans are everywhere, I feel like, in the West Coast area because they moved from L.A. to Oakland.
Let me tell you something about football. They moved.
They used to be in L.A. Then they were in Oakland.
Back to L.A. Yeah, yeah.
So I think they will still have Raider fans. It just – the griminess will be gone, and when the griminess leavesiness leaves it feels weird you don't think there's going to be grimy Vegas local characters in the crowd but when you go to a stadium that's state-of-the-art and very new you feel a lot more out of place when you are dressed up like a fucking idiot yep yep that's really what it comes down to exactly like having if if our, our TV show that we did was on like the Sports Center set, we would have looked like assholes and felt like assholes.
What the hell is going on right now? But we shot it in a basement in the back of a van. So it was fine.
Perfect. If you show up somewhere to like a dive bar, you don't have to be wearing a shirt.
You can do whatever you want. There are no laws when you're drinking Claws.
It's this thing where if you show up to a place. Yeah.
Oh, sorry. Truly.
No, there are truly no laws when you're drinking C you're drinking and i'm a respecter of law enforcement that's why i'll never touch a white claw uh but yeah if you go to a nice new stadium it doesn't feel the same at all feels too corporate right yeah it's not a lot of it um all right the other game joe flacco sucks bill o'brien sucks that guy how he's got he's got to be the most mediocre coach who's been around forever. Can we blame it on the GM? The lack thereof of the general manager? Well, he is now, yeah.
So the end of the game, we should probably talk about the last pass that Drew Brees completed to get them into field goal range. They were given that soft cushion, that Greg Williams, like seven-yard cushion, and it was a prevent defense that was lined up there.
If the Texans had just fallen down, or if the Saints player had just fallen down and the Texans didn't touch him, if there were no Texans on the field during the last, if all the Texans had been sucked into the giant black hole in the middle of Bill O'Brien's chin, if he had just, no, because the Saints player caught the ball and fell down. He could have gotten up and ran for a touchdown.
If they had waited five seconds and gone up and touched him... They're back on the field.
The game was over. No, I was thinking the same exact thing, PFT.
Yes, but they had a timeout, and I feel like the refs would have just given him the timeout. No.
I feel like the refs would have fucked it up and given him the timeout. Like, he would have went down and just called a timeout.
That's not basketball. It doesn't work like that, though.
I know that's not how it is, but you don't think the refs can fuck up in the Superdome? Yes. Good point.
Good point. The natural reaction is if you went down and then Drew Brees was just going timeout, timeout, timeout, the refs standing next to Drew Brees would give him a timeout.
I think... Still bad coaching, though.
No, but yeah. Not before the whistle was blown, though.
I'm saying they would have just blown the whistle and been like, oh yeah, here you go. Here's your timeout, Drew.
That would have been so ridiculous to have the game end on an officiating error, but one against the same. You'll hear this in the interview, but he tweeted it.
Oh. Okay, gotcha.
We'll get to that later in our interview with Rob Gronkowski. That was brought to you by Breaking Mills.
For real, covering that taste real good. um also sean payton just loves tasem hill i think he wants tasem hill to sleep in his bed with him uh yes he does he like can't he can't stop using them yeah and it's almost like sean payton he has he has something in his brain where every like five minutes he's like wait haven't done a tasem hill play that's gonna get minus three yards gotta get tasem in here and then every now and then obviously it works and it's like oh man tasem's a weapon um bill o'brien so even that play though take that out of there bill o'brien does the most i don't understand what he does i feel like he doesn't make any adjustments i feel like he does the like he does the classic thing where a guy will rip off a big run and then he'll make that guy run right in the line again.
And it's like, okay, well, maybe he's gassed. Maybe we shouldn't do this.
He does weird stuff like that. It feels like Deshaun Watson is always running for his life, is always in a spot where he's going to get killed.
With that said, I have a new bone to pick with Twitter, something that's really been driving me nuts. Go off.
The people who are like Bill O'Brien is going to ruin Deshaun Watson and treat it like it is the worst thing that's ever happened and that there's never been a quarterback in the NFL that's been ruined by a head coach of the Texans. Shut up.
Yeah, it's they are so mellow dramatic about it. Like, oh my God, Deshaun Watson.
He's being ruined. Guess what? This happens all the time in the NFL.
Also, if the Texans had won last night, they were pretty close to winning. We probably wouldn't even be having this conversation about how bad Bill O'Brien sucks.
Maybe still. Yeah, but you know how we get with things.
Yeah, we know how we be. We lather ourselves up about stuff all the time.
If they won that game, you would not be talking about Bill O'Brien. I think we probably would be.
Because they won. But they also gave up.
They were in control in the first half. And then it feels like any time a team just like essentially just gives up the second half lead like that.
I'm always like, what was the coach doing at halftime? I did like DeAndre Hopkins' suplex, though. That should be legal.
And the Saints fans. Talk about grimy fans.
That was electric. Yes.
The boo montage was one of the best boos. Whistlehead man.
DeAndre Hopkins doesn't get enough credit for one of the coolest nicknames. Nuke.
Nuke is such a fucking cool nickname. Yeah.
So when he body slammed the defender, which I believe that each team should get one body slam a game. Just like you get one body slam, we get one body slam.
I think it was worth the penalty because you suplex a guy, then defenders are less likely. They'll think twice before catching an interception.
Yes. Yeah, right, because nuke could come.
Yeah. Nukes around.
I like that rule. Just like everybody gets one egregious penalty per game.
Fontes Burfik becomes an impact player again. Oh, dude, what was with Monday Night Football being like, Vontaze Berfic

is a leader. He's a smart player.
Yes.

That was just... He's changed.
That was the strangest...

Their key pickup. That was the strangest

storyline they were trying to push. That Vontaze Berfic

all of a sudden is like this super

intelligent guy who doesn't get personal foul

penalties every other game. They didn't say that, though.

They just said he's a leader. They don't say what he's leading

them to do. He's a leader in some way.
That's true.

Yeah, when Bill Romanowski gives

you his stamp of approval, at that point

you gotta say, this guy knows what it's all about. Vontaze Burk is like the opposite of smart player.
He is a total, like, I'm going to do whatever. I'm going to hit whatever's in front of me at any point.
You can use those guys, but I wouldn't say he's some savvy player that knows how to game the system. The Raiders probably love him now because of his history knocking AB out B out all the time.
Yeah, true. So yeah, maybe he is a smart, maybe he saw that coming.
So the only other thing I had was Deshaun Watson is unbelievable. And yes, all your tweets saying that the bears dropped to Mr.
Bisky instead of Deshaun Watson or Patrick Mahomes. I see them.
They hurt my feelings. Stop sending them, Please.
My nightmare is the Texans and the Chiefs are playing this year. That's going to be awesome.
Oh, yeah. I might Jason Whitlock my account.
It's going to be 54 to 51. Whitlock deleting his entire account because he put all the money.
God don't like ugly. God don't like ugly.
He hates Mitch Trubisky. He mortal locked the Steelers and then accidentally deleted his account.

It slips sometimes.

Yeah, but seriously, stop sending me those tweets, please.

Barstoolgold.com slash PMT.

Gronk is on the show.

You're going to want to watch it.

And Chaps' eye.

And Chaps' eye.

Yeah, the segment's going to pop a lot more if you can look at Chaps directly in his red eye. I want to toss in this one extra quote.
Gruden just put this out here right now. Gruden did not realize that it was his 100th career win until after the game.
It feels like Gruden should have more than 100 wins, right? Yes. Wait.
I mean, he took some time off. No, because then you do the math.
It's hard to get 100 wins. You actually do the math.
Yeah. It's very hard to get 10 wins for a decade is that's a long time that's true really good that's true okay so it was 100th win last night and he said i thought about going to hooters and calling it go out on a high note so just does that mean just like go to hooters and die of yeah corona poisoning yeah just kind of find a warm stool just yeah climb under a table and just slowly melt lay down drown yourself in corona and wing sauce and i don't hate that that's a football guy where you go worse places to die yeah i agree yeah um all right let's do our hot seat cool throne hank why don't you start why don't you start no why don't you start you're not ready because you're scrolling your text messages so why don't you start why don't you start no you i'm ready you on your phone all right go uh people with try phobia it was so easy to get it oh fuck that was mine all right i'll start wait wait people with what trip trip try phobia trippophobia trippophobia trippophobia no no no no that's actually just great that those people great balance yeah uh it's people that are like all right i'll explain it so the new iphone is out or it was debuted at the apple right genius by me um there are three cameras i saw that in the new iphone okay so trypophobia which i didn't know this was a thing either it's an aversion to the site of irregular patterns or clusters of small holes or bumps so because it's the three holes that are that are not uh all in line it's you know Oh, I hate that.
It's fucking people up. And people are complaining that the new iPhone is insensitive to people with trypophobia.
What percentage of the population has trypophobia? It's actually not even officially recognized as a mental disorder. Okay.
So a lot of self-diagnosis going out there. Yeah, so people are being pretty extra, saying that the iPhone...
You know what? Go buy an Android if you can't deal with the three cameras. Yeah.
The phone... So it's got three cameras because they have three different lenses? I think, Hank, were you talking about something totally different? No, I was talking about that.
I was confused. Okay.
No, I thought it was tryphobia, but... Yeah, it's tryphobia.
So what's the point of having three cameras? Besides, I mean... Oh, pet portrait mode? And slowfies.
Slowfies! What's a slowfie? That's the new thing they announced uh slow-mo selfies oh fuck yeah with one of the cameras can do like slow-mo wait but a selfie's a picture but like for video so boomerang you can do some boomerang and slow-mo yeah but yes they have pet portrait mode that's specifically made for pet pictures built in for woofersers? Yeah. That's incredible.
I'm really excited.

All the boops.

I'm hecking pumped about that.

I'm going to boop you, Steve Jobs.

I saw...

So what is the purpose, though,

of the three different lenses?

Two are the same.

Do they just keep adding cameras

because they ran out of things to do?

You ever see how they shot the Matrix

with a million cameras on one?

Yeah, it's going to be a wall of cameras by the end

because they're like,

well, we ran out of space. They're just going to build a room.
Everyone can have a room that's just a wall of cameras that you can go into. I like that.
Get here sooner rather than later. Tripophobia.
You know what they should do? They should put cameras on the sides of phones. So if I'm holding it up.
The skinny side? Yeah, like the old Super Sober that you could point at somebody and they wouldn't know. They should make phones circular so it's like a 360 cam.
Like a ball. Yeah.
You should put them in your... I'm still waiting for the phone to be in your chip in your pinky and your thumb.
So you make calls like this? Boom. And you could just be like, hey, text, and then that boom, that's a test.
And you put a chip in your brain that is showing what your visions are. Yeah.
What if we're the phones already? Then we're all robots. And we just do have chips in our brains.
Mm-hmm. That's like iPhone 20.
And every time you go to sleep, you're just plugging in your charger. How many cameras are in the iPhone we have right now? Two.
Two. Yeah, so they just added a third one for the government.
Okay, that one goes directly to Langley. Yeah, that's not even...
Yeah, it's just they cut out the middleman. Okay.
My other hot seat is ESPN. They got fucking cyberbullied so hard.
Oh, good, they did. And had to remove their, they had a yellow, their first down graphic, like showing the down and yardage was yellow.
So it looked like there was a flag on every single play. Twitter was, and every, yeah, Twitter was just furious.
They changed it at halftime. So they got bullied.
They got, they, which is a dangerous precedent for them to set. Yeah.
Listen, don't add anything to a football broadcast. Football broadcasts are perfect.

I like them just the way they are. I like my

green zone. I like my yellow line.

They already did it

and got shit on for it. That's the one thing.

ESPN was like, oh, let's do that. That's the one thing

that you can't do is add yellow to a score bug

or allow yellow on the field

in any circumstances. Anywhere.
Yes, anywhere.

Just give me my down and distance

that's displayed on the field.

Give me my green zone. Give me

my Genesis halftime show and I'll be happy.

Dude, the Genesis halftime show.

It's nice. Did you see

the encore? They just played it again. Yeah.

Do you guys know what Genesis is? Nope.

I'm going to make it my mission to go. I think that's a band.

I always thought Genesis is a car.

I think. Yeah, but I think it's a car.

It's Phil Collins driving a car. Yeah.
And then my cool throw is Blake Griffin, the body. Okay.
Blake of the year. Yes.
Bodie. Bodie.
Bodie. Bodie, please.
Well, whatever. There's a Comedy Central roast of, and he was up there.
Caitlyn Jenner was one of the people on the panel. He went up there, did a viral clip where he was just roasting Caitlyn Jenner.
It was very funny, very good for Blake. It's just good for the Blake of the year to have that PR type of press.
Good, Blake. I'm really glad that you're good at everything that you do.
Super happy for it. You're a millionaire, 100 times over.
You're awesome at basketball. You can shoot threes now, and you're funnier than everyone.
Cool, dude. Happy for you.
Awesome. Is that it? Also, Apocalypse Bunkers.
What's that? Post Malone is preparing a $3 million compound tucked away in northern Utah. Hell yeah.
To get ready for the apocalypse. Let's go.
Hell yeah. What's inside? Why would Post Malone let people know about his apocalypse bunker? I don't know.
This could be like the Postmates thing when it was like, Post Malone spends like $5 million on Postmates and it turned out to be an ad.

This could be like a Apocalypse Bunker ad.

An Apocalypse Bunker with Post Malone would just turn into like such a sick party.

My hot seat.

I'm just going to go with Green Day because I also had your phone because iPhone just

cucked it and now you can't use it anymore because there's a better one.

Who else you got, PFT?

Okay.

My hot seat is every band in the world besides Green Day.

Yeah, why?

Because Green Day's back.

They're dropping a new album.

And they tweeted out today.

This is from Billy Joe.

Me, Mike Dern, and Trey Cool of Green Day cut through the bullshit.

That's how it's always been for us.

Everything else is fake.

Frauds, I tell you.

Rock has lost its balls.

We're going to teabag all these motherfuckers.

The baddest rock band on the planet that gives a shit. So Green Day is back.
Officially, they're putting their flag in the ground saying we're the only good band out there. And I was thinking that Green Day, would you consider them to be classic rock at this point? Oldies? Yeah.
Yeah. Oldies.
When does that become classic rock? 94. I guess I always think like 70s and 80s are classic rock.
So when do the... So to us, those are oldies.
When does that become classic rock? I guess I always think like 70s and 80s are classic rock.

So to us, those are oldies.

When does the 90s become classic rock?

I think it's now.

Fuck.

I think Green Day is an oldies band.

That sucks.

I was thinking that their album...

Oldies?

Their album...

Skipped classic rock.

You remember Dookie?

Yeah, of course.

Everybody had Dookie on CD.

I think that proportionally that was like... That was the album that was bought by the most people to be their first CD.
Yes. Yes.
Maybe the Titanic soundtrack. Butthole Surfers.
That, I think, was my first CD. Oh, there you go.
Yeah. That name aged really well.
It did. I mean, that was a sick song.
What was that song? Fuck. I don't mind the sun sometimes because it shows.
Yeah, it a good song Amazing that a band named the Buckle Surfers Was able to get on the radio Yeah, they were great My cool thing was vaping Because there's been a real spike Are you back? No, but there's been a spike in vaping deaths So now vaping has kind of turned the corner It's a bad boy thing You know boy thing. You know, like smoking cigarettes was rebellious when we were kids because it's like not healthy, allegedly.
Well, now vaping has entered that realm because it's killing people. Oh, that's not good.
Yeah. So I think it's going to see a spike in use.
Also, my cool throne is Todd Palin because the Palin family broke up. Todd and Sarah got a divorce.
Damn. So Todd is a man on the loose right now.
And for a guy that had extremely divorced dad energy, even when he was married, seeing him on his own single, he is going to be slaying some tail. Oh, yeah.
And you say that literally because there will be some snowmobile fucking. Yeah, there are going to be some people in Russia that are going to be able to watch Todd Palin fucking his ex-girlfriend from high school inside his house.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

There's going to be some dive bar showing up.

Todd's on the prowl.

Where's Todd?

What does Todd do?

Todd is such a fucking sleazy prowl guy name.

Todd should always.

If you meet a person.

Here comes Todd.

If you meet a Todd, assume that they're divorced until proven otherwise.

Yeah, and snowmobile and want to fuck your wife. Have six monster energy tattoos.
Yeah. Todd.
Todd, Todd, Todd. Todd.
All right. My hot seat is my brain and Hank's brain because the Summertime Love stupid commercial has been in my brain for three days now.
What song is that? Summertime. The non-dancing boy band.
Oh, I love those guys. So that commercial.
We're back in the season. It happens in March Madness and it happens in football season where you watch so much live sports that the commercials just break you down.
Lloyd's boyfriend from Entourage is also cool thrown because he's in the Buffalo Wild Wings commercial. It took me like a hundred times of watching it to be like, where the fuck do I know that guy from? This is the season.
You're back in football season. You're watching wall-to-wall football in the commercials.
They actually suck away part of your brain matter. You know what league is the best at that actually is Sneaky Baseball.
During baseball playoffs, they run the same commercial over and over. You remember the Dane Cook MLB commercial? You remember the Frank tv commercials yep yeah baseball tbs just hammers you because baseball has like one sales guy right and that one sales guy goes out there and lands two accounts he's like okay we're set for october he's got a rotary phone yeah and he wears a suit every day yeah and he's just pounding that rolodex an old school rolodex yeah that's actually flipping through um all right my cool cool throne is anyone who thought the Knicks were dysfunctional because you don't have to think anymore.
Enos Cantor actually confirmed it and he said that literally everyone in the league talks and says the ownership sucks and they never want to go there. Okay.
So check that one out. I was unsure.
Yeah, if James Dolan was a buffoon or not. Yeah, it wasn't the 40 years without a title that made me think that.
But now we're good. Okay.
We know. And then my other cool throne is...
By the way, that's coming from somebody that is fleeing a country with a dangerous dictator. That's the most dysfunctional country in the world.
And he thinks that the Knicks are run poorly. Yes, this place.
You want to really talk about some shit shows. And then my other cool throw-in is everyone's favorite sports debate because Pete Prisco, our friend, said that Bama could beat the Dolphins.
Yes. Let's go.
Let's go, Pete. That's the quickest this ever happened.
Yeah, you know what Pete did? He did a, I'm going to tell you guys something about the NFL. Right.
The Dolphins are trash. The Dolphins are trash, and Alabama can beat them.
What's a better debate? That?

Is UConn women's basketball bad for women's basketball?

Right.

Or which school is the real DBU?

Because that one's hot these days.

I love the Bama one because it's by far the dumbest argument of all time.

Anyone who actually thinks that is crazy.

Of course Bama can beat the Dolphins.

Watch me put Hank Sprayner-Pressler ready for this.

Yeah.

Hank. He's on his text.
I don't know what he's going to do. I'm co-tweeting the tweet from PMT.
Okay. There's no roster spot because the Patriots traded Demarius.
Oh, shit. That worked out.
We'll find out. I'll wait for Hank to finish his tweet.
Okay. Hank, could Alabama beat the Dolphins if they had Tom Brady as a quarterback? Tom Brady as a quarterback, Belichick as the other coach.
You think Belichick is... Two as the quarterback of the Dolphins.
No. You think that Belichick is a huge, huge upgrade over Nick Saban? No, they get to coach together.
Oh! Yeah. Okay, dual head coaches.
Okay. All right.
So you think yes? Yes you think yes yes okay yes okay with that type of strategy like give him two weeks to prepare oh wait no no a week whatever a normal week yeah you don't get a bye week i don't know all right actually you do get two bye weeks college uh okay let's get to our interview with rob grkowski. When your home system or appliance breaks down, American Home Shield will help fix or replace the covered item, no matter its age.
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Find all one bars at a retailer near you or on amazon.com. Okay, here he is,kowski okay we now welcome on uh a guest we should have had on a long time ago but he's here now it is future hall of famer possibly retired but maybe coming back rob gronkowski possibly retired but maybe coming back i mean you are so i'm not even retired well i'm possibly retired have you filed the paperwork i like that No, you can't.
It takes coming back. I mean, you are flirting with me.
I'm not even retired.

I'm possibly retired.

Have you filed the paperwork?

No, you can't.

It takes a year.

Oh, interesting.

So I'm like half retired.

I like that.

You got to wait that year.

You've been flirting with it.

You have to admit.

Like you've been throwing out little, and we need you to do that for this show so that people will quote it.

Like you need to say, I'm actually going to come back this exact.

Yeah.

Probably like week 14 or something. I heard you yelling that in the hallway.
El Prez had said week 14, week 13. So, you know, I'm just going to agree with you.
You're the Prez, so week 14 or something. Week 14 works.
I'm not going to ask you if you're coming back. I'm just going to straight up give you a hypothetical offer right now.
Okay? I like this. Let's say $10 million.
You don't have to practice except for walkthroughs.

And here's the kicker.

You get to wear number 69 and you report as tackle eligible every single play.

So the ref has to say, reporting number 69 over the loudspeaker.

You know, that's a pretty good deal.

How many games do I have to play?

Three before the playoffs.

And it's for $10 million? Yeah. Three games before the playoffs, $10 million, wearing number 69.
Yep. The whole stadium will have to hear it every single time.
Every time. Would the fans love that every time? Yeah, I think so, Rob.
I think they would. All right.
I know you two would. Yeah, I would take that deal.
Okay. Breaking news.
He's coming back for $10 million. There it is.
I would take that deal. Seriously, how much weight have you lost? Because that's the other story.
Everyone's like, well, he's lost a ton of weight. Is that a good or a bad thing? You're the type of guy who's like, people are probably calling me weak.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's both.
I look at it as a great thing. But people say to me like it's a bad thing.
They're like, you lost so much weight. And then like five seconds later, they realize what they said, and then they look at me and they're like, how'd you do it? I need to lose weight too.
They say it in a mean way first, and then they realize what a beast I was and be able to lose that much weight at 260 where I was already jacked. So I lost 15, 20 pounds.
And the weight I lost, I call it bullshit weight. Okay.
Bloated weight. Right.
I got a lot of that. I was 265.
You got a lot of that. Yeah.
Yeah. I'm an athlete.
And to be able to be on top of your game, I feel like, for your whole career, you got to make adjustments throughout your career. You don't see a 20-year-old athlete doing the same thing as a 35-year-old athlete.
So if you want to stay in the game, you got to make adjustments, just like anything else. Oh, so this was the adjustment for your return? Oh, the whole way.
I like where you're going. No, you know, it's just adjustment for life.
I mean, I didn't like that extra weight. I mean, I found a way that I could get it off me, and I did.
And now I feel lighter. I feel quicker.
I feel faster, I feel more energy, I feel more alert

and that's just the way I wanted to be.

Did you lose anything off your bench?

No, man, I haven't.

I'm actually stronger now.

Really?

Yeah, man.

How much did you bench?

I haven't benched in a while.

That's such bullshit.

I wish we had the bench press in here.

The bench press.

We're getting one.

It's making its way.

Yeah, it's definitely coming.

At some point.

So what could you bench if we had a bench press in here,

which would have been an unbelievable moment, but we don't have it? Yeah, that would have been an unbelievable moment. But I actually really haven't benched.
I benched actually the other day after a full – I just had – there was 135 on the box. Oh, don't qualify it.
And I did it like just 10 times. Just to stretch.
Just to see, yeah, just to watch. After my full workout.
But I't i haven't really lifted weights in like a year and a half i do like weights like every once every like two weeks now wait so last year during the season you weren't lifting like you don't you didn't lift no no i wasn't i was just doing more body weight band stuff uh you know just trying to like keep it you know like i mean was that abnormal to the rest of your career oh uh yes definitely i mean i've been heavyweight guy while lifting and everything but like i said you got to make adjustments i feel like the heavy weight lifting was just keeping me a little stiff you know a little stiff and i didn't i didn't like it and i needed i felt like i was getting stiff and i felt like i needed to adjust a little bit i still lift weights but i don't do as much anymore Sounds like someone is on the TB12 method. Yeah, it is.
It adjust a little bit. I still lift weights, but I don't do as much anymore.
Sounds like someone is on the TB12 method.

Yeah, it is a little bit, for sure.

Really?

Majority of it is, for sure.

When was the last time you ate a tomato?

Ate a tomato?

I mean, I got nothing against tomatoes.

If they're in my salad, if they're in my...

You just had pizza.

Yeah, I just had pizza.

That's fine.

Yeah, but, you know, I need to put some weight on.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, my prize was like, dang, yeah, I got to put some weight on it.

So I took two bites of the pizza.

What are you down to now?

I'm 245 right now.

Okay, that's pretty lean.

Oh, I'm 245.

I'm ripped.

It feels good.

I feel bad for you because when you were playing,

you never got to experience the joy of having the announcers talk about you

because they would always say, like, the same things.

And it seemed like every year they would add 5 or 10 pounds to your weight.

So, like, by the end they'd be like, you can't tackle Rob Gronkast

Thank you. announcers talk about you because they would always say like the same things and it seemed like every year they would add five or ten pounds to your weight so like by the end they'd be like right you can't tackle rob gronkowski he's 6 10 and weighs 285 you know 290 you can't stop that so like when you were at your heaviest how much did you actually weigh my heaviest i would say i've hit 270 before but i never hit 270 during the season i was like 268 some games i've always range from 260 to 268 in between that throughout my whole career.
Actually, I have before, but it was never during football. Okay, got it.
You had to smile when you saw the number. We need to talk to you about that because we're big 69 fans, or I should say we were.
I feel like the joke has kind of been run into the ground by Darren Revell recently. He ruined it.
He ruined it by betting 69 cents on the Browns to win the Super Bowl. And once Darren gets involved in everything, please also bleep his name out because he'll just get a hard-on from hearing it.
How do we make 69 great again? You know, I was actually just talking about that on the ride here. Me and Goon were driving up, and we were like, yo, we're like 69.
Like, isn't that – it's kind of like in the past. Like, this is crazy.
We were literally just saying that on the car ride up here. We were like 69 jokes kind of faded away, which they kind of have.
I totally 100% agree. And, you know, Al Prez was looking for the 69 joke for the pizza.
That's the problem. Everyone was looking for it.
Everyone was looking for it. That's the problem.
So, you know, I gave him the score, but i kind of had to switch it up a little bit i did 6.8769 like right you know because you just can't do a 6.9 everyone was looking for it so i don't know man i need some ideas how so i i i think 20s pretty hot right now yeah yeah it is that's why that's why i'm with cbd now there you go right exactly exactly why why I'm with CBD. I would say either stay away for a little bit and then bring it back with something like real big, like your own Fyre Fest, except it's called like 69 Fest after like a year off entirely, or just the one where you check in as a tackle eligible every single play.
I think that'd be funny too. Yeah, it would be.
You know, I think 69 might need to break off a little bit. It'll just come naturally.
It'll come naturally back. When it's forced, I think that's when it's.
Maybe Missionary's making a comeback. What's the number for Missionary? 11? 11.
Or like 17. I like 66.
If you know what I mean. Oh yeah, ass eating season.
Okay one. Yeah, that's it.
66. If you're not eating the ass, it's from behind.
Oh, yeah, yeah. You're facing the same way.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Of course.
Spooning. A little doggy.
Yeah, spooning. Spooning.
66. 66 is spooning.
66. 66 is spooning.
Yeah, or you go 99 while you're standing up. Oh.
Right? Wouldn't that be it? Uh-huh. No, that you'd be, fuck, now I can't even.
Actually, 17 would be you're both doing handstands. Come on, give me that pen.
And somebody's going in from taking you from behind. So 99, that would be you're sitting, right? Like that's six, I don't know.
No, 99, you're doing handstands. Maybe that's a CrossFit workout.
Yeah, CrossFit workout. Yeah, where you're crossing my handstand in each other.
Yeah. Yeah, that actually works.
That's pretty good, right? That is. That is.
The new burpees. I always rate it, so we, you know, the 69 jokes are getting old and everything.
But our rating scale to all of the 69 jokes is like when, like a 619 or 689 is the number that is the chick numbers in the middle. So if you're 619, you're 69 to 1.
Okay. Yeah.
Okay. So that's how we always rate it.
I love it. So I was always 6109.
Yes. There, there you go.
Yeah. 6'10", 9".
All right, we'll give it a break, though. And then I snuggled Goon once, and oh, man, that was a 6'12", 9".
Oh, 6'12", 9". Damn.
Have you – what's your favorite block? Oh, man, my favorite block. Gets you going on football.
Oh, football. Oh, we're talking football? Yeah, not Twitter.
The combo block. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The combo block when the tackle's with me because the tackle's like my size, but then he's 50 pounds heavier. So it's like if I can block the DN, this tackle who's 50 pounds heavier, he's going to be with me.
It's a combo block where we work together, take the DN, and then go up to the linebacker. Do you have one block in mind that you were like, I fucking smoked that guy and it felt awesome? Yeah, it was me and Trent Brown last year in the playoff game versus the Chargers.

Okay.

Yeah, right off the edge.

And Rex Burkhead went in for the touchdown right there.

Who'd you guys hit?

Bosa?

No, no, no.

Another good player.

Ingram?

Yeah, yeah.

He's a good player, too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Real good player.

Not on that play.

Yeah, well, you got Trent Brown and myself there.

I mean, he's six.

That's a lot of me and me.

No lie.

Not even lie.

I swear to you, Trent Brown is actually 6'9". See? Now that's funny.
Now that's funny. Because that's natural.
Now we're talking. That's how we bring it back.
We gotta stop forcing the 6'9 jokes. We were talking.
Did you ever do the little hezy hey thing where you'd be split out and you know that it's gonna be a combo block, but you act like you're not going to block them and then boom? Yes, you do that too. And kind of on a pass route too, you know, you got to switch it up.
You can't give them the same look every time. But those are my favorites when they think you're going out for a route and then boom, you get them.
It's just an advantage. You crack them.
Do you like catching balls or blocking more? I didn't mean to phrase it that way because I know I have to be careful by phrasing with you. Do you like to receive balls or block? Oh, man.
Are you on the receiving end or the blocking end? All right. So, okay.
We're talking football. Do you like to stick your nose in there or do you like to take it? You know, I like to do both, you know.
I go both ways in this category. Yes.
Because going out for a pass every time, I mean, that's 60 plays in a row. Imagine running up and down the field 60 times.
It's tiring. Yeah, I'm good on that.
Yeah. And then, you know, blocking too.
It's hard work, but I like switching it up because, you know, running pass plays every time, that's not football. I believe in the true style of football.
You've got to run the ball. You've got to pass the ball.
And if you can run the ball well, I believe that's why I got open a lot of times in the play-action aspect of my career because we were blocking so well that when, you know, Tom goes back, fakes the handoff, all the linebackers come up, and he gets me wide open. That's why sometimes you saw me wide open up the seam because we're blocking well.
Right they're scared of the run so um i like doing both and uh but i would say if i had to pick one obviously i would go with receiving uh our our friend your friend julian edelman said that he would oftentimes when you guys were both going out for catches at the same time he would hear you like grunting and groaning running down the field but also laughing yes giggling while you're playing football yes at the beginning of my career i was always doing that uh i remember everyone i don't know it was always something natural i remember that because in college people people on my team would start imitating me like i'm gronk i'm gronk running down the field and they'd be like they'd be imitating me laughing and then they'd be grunting and then they'd be like and i and I'd be like, damn, do I really look like that?

But so you would just laugh uncontrollably while you're running in a route in the middle of the NFL.

Sometimes if I'm feeling good.

Yes.

Yeah.

That's amazing.

Yeah.

What was,

I want to switch it up a little bit and talk about like old school grok growing up,

like little baby grok.

What was your favorite subject in school?

Damn, my favorite subject. I would have to go with math man really yeah math was always my subject and then one time you know in high school I got like 95 so they moved it's 95 out of 100 so they moved me up to the you know the advanced math and I thought I was all sweet and everything and I was going home bragging to my family because my brother Chris and I don't know they're smart they they know how to do they get like a's every time so i'm going home bragging so then i go to the advanced math and i swear it wasn't math anymore it was like it was no more numbers it was like solve like this crazy yeah signs and weird yeah yeah it was it was nuts and i after like two weeks i just asked to go right back down to the normal math.
Just dominate. Yeah, and just dominate it and just enjoy it.

Yeah, absolutely.

Stay in your lane.

Yeah, stay in my lane, exactly.

Between you and your brothers and the Watt brothers, who wins in like a battle royale?

Man, that's a good battle.

I mean, they're aggressive.

I mean, they go hard too.

That's a battle for the ages.

How many of them are there?

There's three? Yeah, there's five of us. Yeah.
I'm going with us. There's a pack attack.
Yeah, exactly. When you were growing up with all your brothers, were you just dominating them in all the sports, or was it pretty even? It was even because I was two years younger.
Right. So then it made it that even.
Oh, they're going to come. They're coming after me.
I would imagine the Gronk household growing up, it was just like wrestling and playing sports 24-7. No, it really was.
We had, like, I swear, we had the best neighborhood growing up. Grew up outside of suburb, outside in Buffalo.
And my brothers had, like, ten friends on the street. I had, like, five friends on the street we all did and everyone would come over we would go to their house and i swear every single day it was either mini sticks it was either pickup basketball like around the world or it was backyard baseball we had the best arena backyard baseball or it would just be a pick-me-up game we had a a game called Zoom.
Everyone would just put pillows in their shirt.

Everyone would take a corner, four of us at the same time,

and we'd run full speed into each other,

and whoever gets knocked down would lose.

That's awesome.

We got to play.

You know, that's what you guys got to do.

You guys got to play Zoom.

I want to play Zoom in here.

Can we play a little Zoom?

Because I was always thinking that if you grew up on the same block as the Gronkowski's, you would probably hate them because they would just kick your ass in every single sport. You know, it was even.
That's a lie. No, it kind of was.
There's some 35-year-old guy in Buffalo right now that's like, I got my fucking ass kicked every day. Actually, everyone that grew up in that neighborhood, whenever you see each other, you remember that neighborhood because, I mean, it was always competitive and it was kind of always fair because there was no such thing as an age group, I feel like.
It was just basically if you're under 10 years old, you're in the mix. Right.
Yeah, if you're four, you're still there. Yeah.
Yeah, you're still there watching. You would hop in real quick whenever you can.
Or if you're eight, whatever, 10 years old, everyone was together. And everyone that sees each other from that neighborhood was Lond was Londonderry Lane in Gettsville, New York, baby.
And I swear, whenever you see another person from that neighborhood, you always talk about us growing up because we had a blast. What's your wing place in Buffalo? You know, so everyone's crazy.
Everyone's crazy about Anchor Bar and Dust Wings. Yes.
And I would say that's more of like the tourism. Okay.
The tourism goes there. So if you ever, you know, I actually never been to Duff's in my life.
I've been to Anchor Bar twice. This is good because the two that we like are not those two.
Really, really. Duff's is okay, but it's not the best.
I have nothing against them. I would say they're great, but the thing is everywhere in Buffalo has great wings.
Right. That's why,, it's just that the tourism people, all, you know, coming in the Buffalo, everyone's like, Anchor Bar, Duff's.
Yeah, they're 100% great. They have to be.
They're in Buffalo, and everyone knows about them. But if you just go to any corner store, any pizza joint, everyone has top-notch wings.
Our favorites were Gabriel's Gate and Bar Bill. I never even heard of those two.
Really? Fuck. Where's more Buffalochard Park.
That's where all the bills, they all have their own mugs on the wall. Yeah, I never really been out to Orchard Park before, only to play them in high school.
Yeah, I never actually been out there that way. You drink a lot of Mad Dog in Buffalo growing up? Mad Dog.
Growing up, I remember my older brother always partied with Mad Dog. Yeah, so it's a local delicacy yeah i never had mad dog i remember they used to always drink mad dog and then claim that their shits turn red it happens sometimes is that true okay i never had mad dog if you go passion fruit if you go uh bananas jubilee then yes sometimes but then you go bling bling 2020 and uh it turns the way out.
So it really depends on the flavor. I never.
You should try. You should try.
One thing I've always been curious about your career, your relationship with Belichick, because on a football level, you must be his favorite because you are a Hall of Famer, the best to ever play the tight end position. So on that level, you guys probably, I would assume, get along really well.
Then on like you're on social media and he doesn't even know what social media is. How was your relationship with Bill Belichick and how did those two things kind of come together? We always had a great relationship.
I mean, well, first off, I mean, there's a business side. You got to understand that side.
But outside of that, whenever you see him, I mean, we always had a great relationship outside. I feel like that's when he always like laughed at my jokes or something was like when we were at an event.
Right. Yeah.
He would never laugh at him like at practice. He would get all mad.
Like I'd be dancing on the side. I'd be, you know, during camp, I'd be doing something crazy with the fans and stuff.
I don't think he ever liked that but when like outside of football we were at events and he sees me dancing doing whatever he's out he's always laughing at that so he takes it serious man and i mean he's the best coach ever i mean you can just tell you know and uh it's just unbelievable to play for him and learn from a guy like that just to see everything he does but um overall man you know i know, I made him laugh a few times. So I had a lot of compliments.
A lot of compliments. A lot of accomplishments.
Did he ever sit down with you and, like, have a moment where he's like, hey, Gronk, you're the best tight end I've ever coached? No, not really. Really? Yeah, not really.
Never fully let you know? Never not like that. No, no.
I mean, he's not a guy like that. I mean, I would say he keeps everyone humbled in there.
Yeah. And he gets everyone working hard.
And, I mean, if you do it, I can give you, if you do it on a consistent basis every single week, he'll give you props. That's how.
What does the props look like? Like, what does a Bill Belichick compliment look like? You know, he'll put you up on the screen, you know know show the plays like one week the next week the next week and uh you know he'll just give you props in front of the whole team and telling you that the consistency you know the way doing things the detail the focus and uh he'll give you big props for sure what about ernie adams do you know do you know what he does yeah ernie adams is the man first off ernie he's a mystery to every rookie I would say like my rookie year I'm always like yo who is this guy like he's on the field every day you know I never I never really met him before but he's on the field every day I walk by him all the time and it took me like three years to learn who Ernie Adams was and uh you know how big of a role he plays and everything and uh but now I understand. He's just low-key, and he's a beast.
Would he pull you aside once, twice a year and say, hey, I saw this on tape, execute this, it'll work? I don't know how you know this inside info, but he did pull you aside. Kyle Vannoy told us.
Yes, he pulls you aside about once a year, and he gives you a tip. What was the best tip you ever gave you? You know, I think it was a while ago, and it was about the defense, about how they were going to play and how I was going to open up and get the ball.
That's such a patriot answer. Yeah.
Give us more detail. That was all.
He was just explaining defensive coverage and how it was going to open up and then that play, like, get ready for the ball. And they just know.
Someday there's going to be a documentary about Ernie Adams. It's going to be the most fascinating.
It will be. My theory is that he's the guy that's in charge of deciding what Belichick's going to wear with the sleeves, all that shit.
Maybe, but he knows defenses like no other. He draws up defenses.
That's one of the many things he does, but he's so good at it. And he just,

just knows what he's doing.

Did you ever make him laugh?

I bet you Ernie Adams like a good 69 joke.

You know,

I,

if he ever laughed,

he,

he laughed behind doors.

Yeah.

You never saw it happen.

Yeah.

Who was,

who was your best friend playing?

Oh,

you know,

I loved when Chandler Jones was here.

I always,

he always called himself, you know, white Gronk. And I was always and i was always i was always no no he would call himself black gronk and i was always white chant white chandler jones i like that yeah he was 6'6 260 he played defense then i played tight end uh we just got along great and we were both both silly yeah did you ever uh lobby to get to be able to throw a pass at a game you know i never lobbied it.
We tried one time about three years ago in camp. I launched it up, and it got intercepted.
But I swear, it was like everyone was dead tired. The receiver stopped halfway.
Oh, that's bullshit. Yeah, I know.
But I think, you know, when I do come back week 14, it's because I got an arm now. That's right.
You got to see, man. How are you going to announce your comeback? I just did.
Week 14. No, but like, are you going to do an Instagram post? Dude, just let it.
There's so many different options these days. Instagram posts.
You can host an interview. You can have a press conference.
You can go on Twitter. There's so many.
You can come here. Yeah.
Pardon my take. There's so many different options to announce things these days.
That what you know you got to take advantage of it that's what i did i took i did uh i just felt like it was right to announce my retirement online i didn't feel like talking to anyone at the moment or anything and i was just i need to get this over with so it was just easy to post it online which which was nice yeah you also announced today that you got signed by ice shaker which is uh that must have been tough signing considering the fact that your brother owns the company. Yes.
My brother owns the company. He went on Shark Tank, and A-Rod and Cuban invested.
And then my brother asked if A-Rod would sell me the portion that he bought. And he said, yeah, and no problem, which is cool.
He just asked if I would do something, So I got to do – A-Rod also is investing in the Fit app. He asked if he sells me the ice shaker, if I'll be one of the coaches on the Fit app.
So that's why I'm also getting so fit because I'm going to have to be one of the coaches. Now knees up, knees up, you know, on his Fit app.
So I got to shoot that in like two months out in L.A. So I got to do that.
And then I'm going on the corp. Yep.
You're on it too, right? In a minute. So we'll be on that after, which is nice.
And he sold me the part of ice shaker that he bought off my brother, which is really cool, man. He bought it from my brother on Shark Tank.
And then I bought the piece back from him. He made out pretty well too.
Everyone made out. Everyone's happy, which is nice.
And what's cool though is he let myself and my brother team up and become partners so we're excited that's awesome i go to dallas i've been there about twice already this off season we just sit there we he has a videographer follow us around working out running stairs biking whatever just doing promos and he puts videos together and we just post them out and that's how we made the announcement today actually we had a little video which was nice and uh he works hard my brother works hard and i just feel like it goes good together just you know it's it's around everything i like to do things that are you know fitness wise in that industry that's the way i'm headed and you know what you know protein ice shaker what i love it goes great with it yeah i've got a business opportunity for you i'm actually i'm gonna let you know right now this is gonna blow your socks off You might as well just hand over like $100,000 because you're going to love this. Okay, ready? So I noticed that you just teamed up with a CBD company, right? Yeah, right there.
And you got the shaker. My idea is a product called Brotein, all right? So contained within Brotein, it's a post-workout drink.
It's got probably 55 grams of protein, real good stuff in there. It's basically a four loco because it's got some alcohol.
It's got some caffeine, too. And it's got CBD in there to kind of cool down your joints, anti-inflammatory.
So it's your post-workout recovery and your pregame drink all rolled into one, protein. That really is protein.
That is the best definition of

protein. Are you ready for it? You would drink that, wouldn't you?

I would drink that. I would have to try it, hands down.

Did you bring your checkbook? Did I bring my checkbook?

How are you guys? 99,000. Just knocked

a grand off the place. Wow.

You're robbing me. That's pretty good.

That's a deal.

I'm down. I'm down.

99,000. I'm in.

I haven't even tried it. I'm in.
Also, post-career in the NFL, you thinking about getting to the booth? You know, I've been asked a few times from actually a couple of companies, TV networks. Networks.
There we go. That's the official business motto.
You sound like you're ready for TV. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
No. I do sound like i'm ready for tv but uh no no i really haven't haven't really well you thought about it but uh you know i've been asked to do a couple other things like a couple tv shows and stuff and me and i've been asked to host a couple shows actually with one with actually one with james corbin which would be pretty dope he has this show called league of their own up out in lond and he wants to bring it here, and he does it with three other athletes in London.
So it's been on for 10 seasons out there, so he wants to bring that here. So we're actually talking right now about doing that, which would be pretty dope, you know, shooting one episode a day or something, hosting that, you know, co-host with him because he's money at that.
Yeah. So there's a lot of opportunities out there, and, you know, I'm just going to go with opportunities that I feel are right and that I feel like will be fun.
I feel like that I would enjoy doing. But you have to go back and play football.
Yeah, I know. I know.
You know, but that's all in November. Week 14.
That's fine. You only work three months a year now.
Week 14 is – that's crazy, man. Like, I can do all this other work, and then I can show up week 14 and just go play football yeah go host a tv show come on part of my take you know go do pizza reviews you know go do a ice shaker commercial go take some cbd you know you can say all goes together and then you're still ready to go play yeah um did tom brady ever call you babe he calls a lot of people babe that's what i've heard yeah yeah he calls a lot of people babe right That's what I've heard.
Yeah, he calls a lot of people babe.

He calls everyone babe, right?

Yes, he does.

So what was it?

Did you make him laugh?

I'd have to imagine you made Tom Brady laugh.

Oh, yeah.

I made Tom laugh a lot of times.

Yeah.

Many, many times.

What was it?

Did you guys ever get to that point?

I'm sure you did.

But that point where he just knew exactly where you'd be anytime you needed a big play.

I mean, you saw it in the Super Bowl against the Rams and in the AFC Championship game against the Chiefs

when he just says, hey, Gronk, go get open and I'll get you.

Like, did you guys have that kind of relationship?

Yeah, yeah, definitely.

I mean, I feel like Tom has, like, this special power

and he, like, knows who's going to be open in that play.

Like, just from all the practice, just from reading the guys,

being around them, you know, what type of route they run.

That's why he loves practice so much. He gets to understand, you know, the type of receiver that he has, the type of breaks that they can do and have the same timing and same connection with them.
So that's what makes him so special, and that's why he can get anyone open because he knows exactly where they're going to be. So I always just knew that he knew when I was going to be open, and he always hit me, you know, whenever I was.
Yeah.

What is your best spike of all time?

Ooh, the best spike of all times.

Oh, man.

Good question.

What one?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Hands down with the London.

You know, that one was from Chandler Jones.

We had a night before we were in the training room,

and I was like, yo, what should my touchdown dance be?

Because that was, you know, my crazy days, like 24 years old. I had all that energy going on still.
I didn't mind getting yelled at whenever I did a little celebration. So I did the London – The changing of the guard.
And I swear that was a good one. I liked that one.
Did you get yelled at for it? No, no, it was too good to get yelled at. Yeah.
Come on. But I got yelled at the booty shaking one that day.

Yeah, that was a good one too.

Yeah, the booty shaking one right after.

He was shaking my booty around.

He was like, you know, the first one was fine.

Did Belichick?

You got to shake your booty on the second one.

Belichick yelled at you for that?

A little bit.

Did he say booty?

Like, hey, you're shaking your booty?

That would have been hilarious.

Mic'd up.

No, he didn't say shaking your booty.

Please don't shake your booty. Yeah.
That would have been funny if he said booty. Rob, stop twerking.
Stop twerking, Rob. Yeah, he said, Rob, stop twerking.
Stop with the booty stuff. Rob, stop twerking.
Oh, man. All right, I have two last questions.
The first is you were talking about the injuries that you had to deal with and the whole Andrew Luck retiring. Your leg injury that you got in the Super Bowl, that was the most regular football play ever.
So what exactly happened? Your quad, you basically strained it, or what exactly happened? I don't know. So I cut inside on the play from the defender, so then the linebacker had full speed and a nice angle on me.
And when he went to the tackle, like, his helmet, he went low, and his helmet hit right here. Like, you probably can't tell when I flipped in the air.
It looked totally normal. Yeah, it looked totally normal.
I saw the hit, you know, it looks totally normal, like a normal hit, but if you look carefully, like, slow speed, his helmet went directly into my thigh, and, like, full speed. It was from a beast, too, Middleton.
He's a, you know, he can hit. Yeah.
He's running full speed. And that's when it happened.
And right when it happened, I was like, damn, another quad contusion. So, and then it's just all adrenaline from that point on? Yeah, basically.
I mean, the thing sucked at halftime already. It was already blown up like that big.
And I had to just keep on moving at halftime. Jeez.
Because if you stop, if you let it be for, like, you know, five minutes, then that stiffens up on you right away so i just had to keep it moving and then 10 minutes after the game it's stiffened right up yeah i'd imagine and when you when andrew luck retired there was obviously a bigger conversation about it but i'm sure you can relate to a lot of the you know injury rehab injury rehab cycle that you get into mentally it must kind of drain you more than anything oh yeah it drains you like crazy. Um, that, injury, rehab cycle that you get into? Mentally, it must kind of drain you more than anything.
Oh, yeah, it drains you like crazy. That injury, rehab, injury, rehab, I mean, that's like the worst cycle you can be doing.
I mean, who wants to be injured, rehab, injured, rehab? I mean, it takes away your energy. It takes away like your joy from it all.
But, I mean, it is what it is. I mean, it's a game of football though i mean right you know uh which is which football is amazing i mean that's why everyone loves it so much because of all the hits uh but it is what it is man and uh you know you got to find ways that's when you know people learn like find ways to go down that's why you see sometimes people go down before they get tackled which is smart i mean why take on four guys at one time when you're not going to beat four guys in the NFL if they're directly in front of you, you know what I mean? Right.
Yeah. My last question, have you gotten the Lombardi trophy repaired yet? No, no, I haven't.
And I was there last night. All six trophies were there, and the dent is still there.
And I talked to Mr. Kraft, and he said he's going to keep it.
He said he's going to keep it. That's actually kind of cool because it's like a little piece of Gronk is always going to be in the trophy case right now.
Yes, yes. He said that it's going to stay like that, and it's just to honor my career.
And I told him, thank you, man. That's pretty dope.
Did you tell him? I saw the picture. I saw the picture of you and Jonathan Kraft.
Oh, yeah. You just took your shirt off? Yeah, yeah.
Did you see this? Yeah, yeah. It.
We had all these, like, he had all, you know, that pregame party he has. You probably all heard about it.
Like, up near the trophies, you get to walk the hallway of, like, seeing all, like, the decorations of all the pitchers, the championships all won, the divisions all won. And he has all, like, CEOs of know ceos of all the top uh companies companies networks yeah networks whatever and uh they're all in there and they all start leaving and i'm like and i'm like all right perfect time to take my shirt off i didn't want to i didn't want to do it in front of everyone because actually there's a couple of ceo uh, older, nice ladies.
And they saw, and they started running over. They're like, oh, can I get a picture, too? And I was like, wow, this is getting crazy.
I just saw what I did was take my shirt off. Yeah, why would everyone wear suits? Why would everyone look at me? So then just took the picture.
And then Jonathan Kraft hopped in. He's like, that's a great picture.
I was like, I know, come on in. And then we took it.

It's such a funny picture. I just thought it was a great pitcher.

But the next pitcher I was thinking last night,

like my brother was like, yo, you need one more pitcher now.

I was like, what's that?

He's like, you did it with Mr. Kraft's son.

He goes, you need a pitcher.

You need to one-up that pitcher.

And I was like, how do I do that?

I already knew in the back of my mind how I can one-up it.

And he's like, you got to take a pitcher with Mr. Kraft now

with both of you back there. But he's got to have his shirt off too oh my god that'd be incredible would that be incredible that would be incredible it was just such a funny visual because i i when i see a picture like that i'm like the idea of gronk either waiting for everyone to leave or asking someone like hey mind if i just take my shirt off real quick i want to pop this picture yeah i, I just...
Flex my abs. I just whipped it off.
Yeah. You never ask.
Yeah. You never ask.
You never ask. You just take off your...
Yeah, just took it off. Yeah, yeah.
All right. Last, last question.
Seeky question. Promo code take.
$10 off. Go see Gronk play in the NFL week 14.
Promo code take. Hank, do you have any questions? I feel like you got to have at least one question for Gronk.
Oh, for oh all right you think of it i'll ask one last one do you remember uh the figure skating competition we did yes i do um i want to say thank you again because you were coming off an acl and you were walking on ice to judge us idiots doing the dumbest figure skating competition ever and then i always tell people this who ask like what's gron what's Gronk like? You hung out with us in the locker room, and we just shot the shit for, like, an hour after. Yes, we did.
Just laughing at each other's jokes. That was funny, though, that figure skating.
You guys were hilarious. It was, I mean, my floor routine.
I just rolled around. It was actually impressive, though, because you guys actually had routines.
That's what made it nice. I thought you guys were just going with the flow right there.

You had routines.

It was nice.

Before Hank jumps in real quick, I've got the schedule in front of me.

Week 14, this is perfect.

We're on to Cincinnati.

It's the Bengals.

That's like when we lost to Kansas City.

Remember, we lost to Kansas City, Monday Night Football.

Everyone was done.

And then Bill's quotes, we're on to Cincinnati. And guess who you're playing the week before?

The Chiefs.

No way.

And we're on to Cincinnati again.

Can you do us a favor?

Because we did this with Blake Griffin, and it would definitely work with you.

Can you tweet the eyeball emoji tomorrow night right before the podcast drops?

And then when people get to this point of the podcast,

they're going to feel like idiots because they're going to think you're coming back. But really, we're what's the eyeball emoji what does that mean yeah like it's just eyeball look out something's happening oh look out yeah people will assume it's you coming back but it's really you just coming on pardon my team oh yeah yeah that's for sure okay so you're gonna tweet that tomorrow like like seven o'clock seven o'clock you got that you got i gotta tell so did i tell good that's actually got it- Because this is big news.
Yes, this is big news. Hugeness.
This is part of my tank. We did this with- This is bigger than coming back week 14.
Yes. Yes.
Exactly. This is bigger.
This is where it's at. Yes.
People will flip out and be like, what the hell's going on? And then when they get to this part of the podcast, they'll feel really stupid. Shit.
No, they'll feel great. Because they're like, he's coming back week 14.
Yeah, there you go. Week 14, he's coming back.
Wow. All right.
Hey, what you got? I mean, I got nothing. I'm excited to come back.
You got nothing. All right.
Besides what, I'm coming back. Week 14 over there.
Week 14. Gronk, thank you so much, man.
This was a ton of fun. We appreciate it.
Yeah, no, this was great. Yeah, we've always been fans of you.
And we actually were trying, I think, a couple years ago you on uh june 9th so we'll do that maybe the next all right i'm down yeah you know a little we're not gonna make the joke no yeah i don't even know what june 9th is yeah it's like who knows it sounds good yeah just a good part of the summer it's a cool day yeah it's right like what is it wednesday yeah it's like a wednesday or. It's always Wednesday.
Exactly. Who cares, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who cares?

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ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. Okay, let's get to some segments.
First up, we have, by the way, wouldn't it be if gronk then like over the top trolled us and actually came back that'd be amazing is this is part of his plan all along he's just like i'm just gonna troll the trolls he's like ab like in all the different steps that he's thought ahead yeah uh first up we have just chill out man uh mike greenberg said what we just witnessed is the most unprofessional act that I can ever remember seeing in professional sports. Talking about Antonio Brown.
Just chill out, Mike Greenberg. A little overstated there, Mikey.
Remember when LeBron James flashed the world? His penis? Yeah. I do.
You remember that? You remember when Mike Greenberg has a lot of balls to say this when he's been a fan of Northwestern football? Yeah. Yeah.
And the Jets. How about remember when we we're not even gonna do like the crimes how about when brian colangelo had a burner account yeah good that was pretty that was pretty unprofessional damn yeah mike listen if there's one thing mike greenberg will not tolerate it's forcing your way out of a contract by getting into a dispute with a guy named mike to make more guaranteed money across the country that deep.
You can only do that if they're giving you your own morning show. Yes, exactly.
In New York City. Yeah.
Because that's kind of nice. You get to move to New York City.
I didn't think you'd go there against your hero, but you did it. Well, he's the one that made fun of my songs unintentionally.
Yes, that's true. Consider ourselves even, Greeny.
It is pretty funny you look in the mirror now that you think about it just like my greeny contract did the same thing you got more money and ran away from your long-time co-host okay uh so sabermetrics kd yes kevin durant's changing his number to seven Slevin Because he says it stands for completion In the Bible

So I guess

Katie always Kevin Durant's changing his number to seven. Slevin.
Seven. Because he says it stands for completion in the Bible.
So I guess... KD always has some weird reasons for changing it.
Is there a numbers, like, translator in the Bible that I missed? No, I did look it up. So the number seven...
What's in the box? The number seven is featured in the Book of Revelation. There are seven churches, seven angels, seven seals, seven trumpets, seven stars.
Again, ring chasing, going to a team with all the superstars. The Koran speaks of seven heavens and Muslim pilgrims walk around the Kaaba in Mecca, which is Islam's most sacred site, seven times.
But where does it say seven equals completion? That's what I don't get. I'm just, listen, just like K go with it right so he's just in buddhism illegally sourcing his material illegal yes he's plagiarizing god and uh went on napster and got this he downloaded it was late downloaded seven it was labeled as seven completions but it turns out it was just a book of revelations it was mislabeled yeah also the newborn buddha rises and takes seven steps when the new buddha is born.
That's it? Right. Yeah.
Baby's first traveling violation. Feels like a weird.
No, not in the NBA. Yeah.
Crab dribble. Yeah.
Come on. That's not even close.
Yeah. Yeah.
That's called a James Harden step back. I mean, it's pretty obvious that he chose seven because it rhymes with Kevin.
Yeah. Seven.
Seven Durant. Yeah.
There we go. Okay.
job, KD. Slim Reaper.
Should have been the Durantula. The Slim Reaper is the greatest nickname that never was.
All right, we'll do PMT Sports Biz Minute with Jake, and then we have guys on checks. Good morning.
This is Jake Marsh with the PMT Sports Biz Minute. The NFL's most hyped-up team in the Browns may be off to a rough start, but despite losing by 30, Odell Beckham still unleashed the swag on the field by wearing a $350,000 watch made by Richard Neal.
Wrist watches were actually first designed for women. It became fashionable for men to start wearing them around the start of the First World War.
Today's guest, Rob Gronkowski, noted that his favorite spike from his NFL career so far came during a London game back in 2012. Of Gronk's 91 career touchdowns, he's confirmed to have spiked the ball on at least 80% of his trips to the end zone.
And just so we're clear on what defines a Gronk spike, according to Urban Dictionary, it's the action of forcing an object, usually a football, into the ground with tremendous force, or because you're fucking hammered and felt like doing it anyways. That's your PMT Sports News Minute.
Mr. Cat, Mr.
Commenter. Back to you.
Okay, we finish up our show with our good friend, Uncle Chaps. Been a while.
He's here to read us guys on ships. People were upset that I was mad at you or you were mad at me.
Who? People on the internet. I was never mad at you.
Oh, yeah. I got tagged a couple times.
Like, is everything okay with you and Big Cat and PFT? Because you're never on PFT. I mean, your eye grosses me out.
There were a lot of rumors. You do look like...
You got kind of the Joe Biden look going on right now. It's just hard to like...
Yes. I know it's not contagious.
Is it contagious? No, but it contagious. My mood is bad.
And so I feel like that affects the people that I'm around. I'm just nervous that you're around me right now.
I would be too. And honestly, Roan is like the nicest dude in the world.
But yesterday, he was standing there and we were talking. I just wanted to kill myself.
Because he looked at me. And he was like staring directly at it.
but not acting like he was standing there we were talking i just wanted to kill myself because he looked at me and he was like staring directly at it by but not acting like he was so i just kept looking in my when i first had the conversation when chaps got here i had a long conversation with him but i thought that it was something that everyone already knew about that i was late finding out so i didn't want to be rude and bring up the eye see i was thinking about the eye i just did the hey chaps your eye looks great right off the bat and that was the wrong thing to do yeah well i thought maybe giving you a little you should go eye patch i was about to say like cover that shit up but i don't want to steal pirate culture like i think that in a cancel society you'd look good the tattoos the beard the eye you know what you would swagger jack crinshaw for being the vet with the eye patch. That's true.

Yeah.

Okay, so before we do guys on chicks, Nick Foles injured. Were you even able to get excited for the Nick Foles era? Well, to be completely honest, my excitement about the Nick Foles era was completely fake.
It was fake. Really? I thought that he was going to be a bust.
You were thinking about Blake Bortles the whole time. I thought that he was going to be a huge bust in Jacksonville where everything was perfect for him in the Eagle system.
He didn't have that in Jacksonville where you have probably an average, maybe a little bit below average receiving core where the Eagles are the opposite. He wasn't elevating anybody else.
He was just getting the ball out on time and things like that. I thought maybe he could do that in Jacksonville, rely on the defense.
But almost any quarterback who's accurate could do that, so I think Gardner's going to be okay. I like Gardner.
I like his accuracy. He's like a poor man's Chad Pennington.
He's like a poor man's Sam Bradford. If Chad Pennington was more of a Chad and less of a Topher, he's like more Chad than Chad Pennington.
There was a throw that he had this weekend that gave me really high hopes. Was it like eight yards? No, it was like a 25-yard out.
It was a 25-yard comeback. He's a Mike Leach guy.
He let it go whenever Conley was on the 15. He hadn't even turned around yet.
He had a little comeback route, and it was on him. As soon as Conley turned around, he turned around for a touchdown.
I was like, wow, you don't see a six-round draft pick, a guy that didn't really have that many reps in major Division I college football, make that throw. Washington State, dude.
He only played there like one year. Yeah, one year.
He was awesome. You know what I like about him a lot is he wears these big polo shirts that don't fit.
And I think any time you get a quarterback that doesn't dress themselves properly, it's a good thing for them. But Peyton Manning never put on a shirt that fit them.
Kyle Orton. Never

wore a shirt. Legend.
But it is kind of

bullshit that Gardner is that level of

handsome that he can make himself

put the goofiest facial hair,

he can wear whatever he wants to, and he still

looks good. I wish his name was something different.

If he was like Billy Minshew,

Tommy Minshew, I like Gardner.

I don't know. He seems like a Y guy.

He'd feel like he'd... Like Gardie? No.
Whatie Minshew Yeah that works too Gardasil Gardasil Minshew Chaps You have guys on chicks I do You're gonna read it with your good eye Okay And uh I wanna say to everyone Oh oh Okay Can you give me some clarification Cause I actually don't even really know What you're talking about with the eye. He was cleaning his dog's asshole.
No, that's not it. He really gets in there.
So what actually happened, Dan, is that I have banana-induced pink eye. A few months ago, about a year and a half ago, I did a facial mask with a mashed-up banana because I had heard that it will make your skin clean.
Oh, no. This is real i put it on the website i put on barstool sports if you look banana mask chaps you'll see the video i actually did it and my skin looked great for like three days but then afterwards my eye got really infected i always refused to go to the doctor waited too long My eye was infected for so long that now it's like a carteroid underneath my eyelid where I have to get the scar removed.

All from a banana.

Yeah, it's banana-induced pinkeye.

So when people-

So wait, wait, wait, wait.

Let's not slander bananas here because it seems to me like-

It's not slander, it's science.

It could have been anything that was mashed up that was smeared into your eyeball that would have gotten infected.

I'm watching the video right now.

Maybe, but the potassium level with bananas is higher,

which causes it clogged up.

It didn't help that it was a banana.

You looked so good with two good eyes.

I looked average.

Now it's bad.

Honestly, the amount of sex that I have has gone down so much

because any time you look deeply in somebody's eyes like my wife,

I think she wants to vomit.

Yeah.

You look like the guy in something about Mary when he gets all the boils on his face.

They're called love blisters.

Yeah, that's you.

Okay, guys on chicks.

Okay, guys on chicks.

Sup, Big Cat and Packers owner PFT.

Sup.

Thanks to you two and Hank after listening to the podcast where Hank said he could catch a fish with his bare hands.

My husband has spent every trip to the lake sitting in the back of the boat throwing Doritos into the lake claiming he's chumming the waters. He's seen two fish and swears he's close to grabbing one.
It's a waste of time and more important, Doritos. Please stop him as it's impossible.
Quick going after the fish. It is impossible.
If you're a bear it can work. If they're swimming upstream I don't think the fish are going to jump out of the water for a derido that's floating on the top of it.
This isn't a waste of time, though. This just sounds like fishing.
Every time you fish, most of the time you fish, you just sit there and wait for a fish. The worst thing that's going to happen, you're going to continue not to catch fish.
The best thing that happens, you catch a fish. Right.
You get that on video once. That's all you need to talk about.
You don't have to talk about the thousand times you missed. Right.
You caught a fish with your brain. With Doritos.
Right. You know what's a lot of fun is trying to catch a duck from the side of a boat.
Like a duck that's swimming by. You know, you chum the water a little bit with some breadcrumbs or something like that.
You'll never catch a duck, though. What are you, a dog? They're way too quick.
Yeah. You're trying to catch ducks? Oh, yeah.
From the side of a boat, you jump off into the water on a day on the lake. It's a lot of fun.
Are you a Labrador? Yeah, you never get your hands on them.

They're too quick.

They're too slippery.

They'll fly away.

There was this place in Florida called Strickland's Lake, and they had like an eight-foot platform

that you could jump off into the water, and I would always bring bread and throw it under

there.

There'd be brim.

And I used to always want to kill the fish to bring them to the side and basically kill

a fish with my butt cheeks.

You wanted to smother a fish with your asshole? Yes. Okay.
There'd Be one way to know. You'd certainly get a nasty case of pink eye.
Well, alright. You give every fish in that particular conjunctivitis.
I honestly feel bad for the people that are going to stay in the hotel after me because I've been using a rag face wash. That's worse than I usually do at a hotel with a rag.
Make sure to just use every single pillow in that place too. All right, you want me to read the next one? Yes.
All right, here we go. This is the first football season my boyfriend and I have been together for.
He's a Jets fan, and he said he wanted to watch the game alone. After they lost, I texted him asking if he wanted me to come over.
He said no because he was too depressed. I offered him a BJ to make him feel better and told me, I have no sex drive right now.
Asked when he would have, he said, maybe never again. Is this what I have to deal with for football season? As a Jets fan, yes.
It's over. Yeah, as a Pats fan, it's awesome.
Everything just increases. Have you ever said no to BFT? Have I ever said no to what? Sex.
To sex? I've said no to sex. People forget one time Dontrell Willis was pitching, and I said no.

I'd rather go watch this guy just twirl a gym up there.

The only time I ever have is after a Spartan race.

Yeah.

I was just way too sore.

Yes.

All the Spartan races you do.

How many have you done?

I've done one, but I didn't even really complete it because I rolled my ankle pretty bad.

So I walk like the last three miles.

Do you have the bumper sticker?

No, I don't have the bumper. You should get it.
I should. I should put it on there.
Spartan Racer. But just only put like half the bumper sticker on there.
Yeah, this guy, this girl who texted in, it's over. Like you have to just deal.
Know that in some days in the fall, your boyfriend is a Jets fan. He's going to be depressed.
I'd say, what, like seven out of ten times? Seven out of ten times. Probably more than that, I would say.
If you're a Dolphins fan, probably 9 out of 16 times. Oh, they're going to be depressed 9 out of 16 times.
Yeah, so just date a Patriots fan. Yeah.
Or a Jax fan. Or a Jax fan.
Yeah, right. Sup, fellas, especially Slim Cat.
My friend broke out with his 2.5-year girlfriend over the who happens to be my friend now they fucked multiple times she's completely not over him but he doesn't think it's a big deal i don't want to pick a side but i don't know what to do okay uh so they're still kind of together sounds like your buddy's having a good time okay here's what you do you get you have to get a big knife and present it to them while they're fucking and be like, you guys can either cut me in half and both get a half, or... How does it go? It's Solomon.
Yeah, the question of Solomon is, cut me in half, and I want you guys to each share me. And then the one person that says, no, I don't want to saw chaps down the middle.
Although, the person that's getting the bad eye, I think, knows that they're the loser in that relationship. Oh, you'd cut him like that? Oh, vertically.
I'd cut him right at the stomach. You want his ass? Yeah, I'll take his ass.
My ass stinks, too. All right, well, I'll do it.
Okay, so yeah, you cut the man in half. Whoever you've been friends with longer.
Yeah, well, here's how it's going to work. The guy is going to hang out with his buddy still, and then if his girl, that's a friend, ever hits him up late night with a U-op, he'll go hang out with her.
So really, days are for the boys, nights are for the men. Nice.
You like that? How are you getting back, Chaps? Are you taking a red eye? Okay. What's up, PMT boys? Especially Uncle Daddy Chaps my BF and I have been dating a little over a year and he really wants to 69 I told him we'll do it eventually but apparently that was not good enough answer he started growing out a mustache I hate mustaches and said that he'll shave as soon as we 69 but it's gotten to the point where I'm starting to find it amusing at how badly he wants a 69.
Should I give in in 69 or keep holding out because nobody thinks that you can blackmail me into 69ing? Okay, first of all, he should shave the mustache before you 69 would be my advice. Why is it taking a year to 69? It's a long time.
I kind of like where this is at, though, because since it's been on the shelf for so long, now it's a big thing. And and he's going to keep wanting it so you can keep delaying when you're going to give it to him 69ing is a 7 date move date number 7 also because that's very specific go through the first 7 the first day you're probably doing some heady petting maybe even just like hand holding to heart flowing.
Yep. Because I don't like to fuck on the first date like that.
I'm not a slut. Right.
We don't slut shame. I don't, but sometimes.
Yeah. So second date, probably the first time that we're just going to do missionary.
I'm excited to be in a new pussy. That's the second date.
Yeah. Okay.
So I'm excited to be in some new vagina. So I'm a nut real early.
Yeah. And then I've probably drank too much to get us to that point, so I'm probably going asleep really quickly okay third date third we perfect it fifth we break out doggy six fourth was just maybe like just regular sex and repeat a date number three okay so and then we have six is going to be experimental stuff new positions maybe just try to ask her if she wants to do reverse cowgirl yeah seventh date let's do a 69 okay but it's going to be 69 with a caveat that she's on top because she's not ready for my butthole by eight.
Yeah. She's not ready for the body weight.
Yeah, that's date 21. Okay.
What about side by side? I still haven't tried that. So have you ever seen that show The Americans? There was one episode that for some reason the daughter walks in the room and just Carrie Russell is 69ing with her husband sideways.
And she catches them doing that. I think that's probably the most traumatic thing you can see your parents doing.
Yeah. And that's just the terrible position of 69.
Yeah, really. The legs are.
Yeah. Yeah.
What, Chaps, what date number are you on with your wife? We've had sex well over 1,500 times. Wow.
That's impressive. Next month there'll be 10 years of marriage yeah it's a record yeah do you have like a bedroom wall that's got tallies on it like a jail that you've been in something really special is going down for 2000 but i'll keep that for the next time i come on side by side 69 nice nice but the answer to this question is he wants to 69 so bad just do it because he'll come right away if you you're not 69 by the first year, you're never going to do it.
You need to find a new lover. Yeah.
That's my advice. Or just announce that you're not a 69 couple.
Because 69, for some people, is very, very important. Is it? Gronk? Yeah.
On this show. Yeah.
Well, no, but it's not cooling. Gronk's going to cool down for a little bit.
Well, I would say, saying it isn't the joke. Yeah, I'd say Gronk's still 69.
69 is probably the porn category that could use the most work, too. Yes, it is very underrepresented.
Yeah. Represented.
Because there's no one good camera angle for it. Have you ever done a POV 69? It's just butthole.
That's too much. You use like a GoPro on the butthole.
Yeah, you just get, oh, from the butthole's point of view. Yeah, you put a GoPro on your back facing up.
Or what about one of those spy cams that you could just tape to your forehead, like right in between your eyes? Yeah, that's one of the cams, and the other one, yeah, is right on the tippy top of your butt crack facing towards your feet. So it's just two cameras.
So you see a nose and a nose. It's just two cameras touching each other.
Yeah. You could probably even put one on the end of a butt plug, actually put it in your ass.
That yeah okay oh for the 69 videos so it could be in your ass elevated angle got it coming back got it right because you need to have a good view yeah so boys especially big cat last weekend at last weekend at a wedding my boyfriend was too excited about the the band saxless Whisperer. He picked me up, slipped, and my head went into a column.
I have a black eye. Oh.
It could be so much worse. How long can I use this against him? And is Careless Whisperer forever ruined? I'd say you get to use it against him until he suffers some sort of facial injury that he can blame on you.
I think however long it takes the black eye to heal times seven. Did you say black guy? Black eye.
Black eye. Oh, so a week times seven.
Now she has a black eye on her face. Yes.
Black eye. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
I like that. Seven weeks.
Yeah, that's biblical too.hmm eye for an eye you get to punch him in the

face we shouldn't talk about eyes i would prefer you know probably not hey boys it's pexalynical chapsy i recently got engaged and went to meet my fiance's parents for the first time when i was at their house i accidentally walked i walked in on my future mother-in-law on the bathroom she was completely naked sitting on the toilet you can just see her

her fucking old tits just hanging out. Just drooping.
Oh, man. I respect the move of getting completely nude to use the toilet.
This is a time where you hope your mother-in-law is not attractive. Right? Right.
Like, if you have, like, an oddly hot mother-in-law, you don't want to see her tits and stuff. Right.
You don't? I don't think so. I don't think so.
I think the female body is gorgeous in any form. All right, wait.
So. Is it pooping or peeing? Is there anything else on this? On this question? Yeah.
How do I get past this and do I tell my man about it? Oh, you haven't told him so? Yeah, it was a woman. Oh, well then you're fine.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's just girls in the locker room.
Oh, that's. Yeah, that's have just whipped her with a towel.
Yeah. Hey, nice tits.
The weird part here. We're doing a number onesie, twosie.
Just want to know how much time we got. The weird part here is that you got engaged and then met the parents.
Yeah. Like, so maybe the mother-in-law planted this like, hey, it took you this long to fucking meet us.
You're going to meet all of us. And if she should go back in time, I wish that she would have just walked in and just sat on the counter like while she's in there or sat on her lap just talked about it and like mind if i just get a crack here yeah how about this weather well you poop just like your son so the wedding what do you think you guys don't have a bidet oh yeah the floral arrangements get a bidet on it was over 24 dollars i was thinking about doing like a a pork roast in buffet? Are you thinking like a nice salmon? We can take this out, but how is your mother-in-law's diarrhea doing? Every time she comes, it's something new.
The best part of that. By the way, this wasn't just like a random question.
Chaps has long documented his mother-in-law's diarrhea. Well, McCartney likes to my – What was the tweet on account of the diarrhea? What was that about? Oh, whatever.
Yeah. Tell that.
So my mother-in-law had diarrhea really bad Christmas. My wife makes this beautiful homemade pasta, and she makes it like twice a year because it's so much work.
Making homemade pasta from scratch is not

an easy job. So she

makes it. It's my favorite thing that she makes all

year and she makes it kind of as like a Christmas

present to me. Well, it's all on the

table. Fresh meatballs, fresh pasta,

fresh sauce, all that. My

mother-in-law comes sauntering down the stairs

and as soon as she gets to

the bottom, she says,

well, I don't believe i'll be having

any dinner tonight on account of my diarrhea this was a miracle oh so is it going well i think she knows about the blogs now because she knows i didn't think she knew anything about Barstool right what you remember when dave went on tucker and he talked about aoc he called aoc yeah so she talked to aoc and he was when he was talking about aoc and she said well i saw matt's boss on on fox news and i'm just glad to hear that y'all won't be voting for AOC anymore. And I'm like, she's a congressman from New York.
Right, we live in Texas. We live in Texas.
We didn't have the opportunity. And plus, he's my boss, not my dictator.
Right, right. Yeah, you might disagree with that.
Line blurs. Now she thinks that it's because he was on Tucker that we're a very conservative group.
And so she then looked up Barstool and was like, uh-oh.

Wait, wait, wait.

Diarrhea.

Was her first move to Google Barstool and her name to see the diarrhea story?

I don't think she knows that much about Google, but if she ever does, honestly, I believe that our entire family's relationship will be fucked.

I mean, because she's so Southern and Christian, if she found out that I was talking about her diarrhea yeah or having sex with their daughter 1500 times or like all the other dumb shit that i've done putting banana on your eye and forever ruining it making everyone grossed out want to puke yeah my other co-workers pissing themselves you're like what kind of company wait wait wait wait that was a long time ago once out of twice but she doesn't know the difference between real life and a prank. That's true.
Yeah, it was a joke for the internet. So was her diarrhea? Maybe it's like one of those things where she's Googled diarrhea so much that her browser just feeds her content.
Like she gets alerts on her phone. So if she downloads a diarrhea blog, she gets a push notification.
Yeah, she downloads the app and all my blogs come. Oh, yeah, you're done.
I might have CPS in my house to take my children away. Done.
You're done. Done.
All right. What were we talking about? Oh, yeah, the mom that was having a poo.
Yeah. Everyone poops.
Yeah. So, Chaps, thank you.
Everyone go listen to ZeroBlog30, your podcast. It is the best military podcast out there.
You always get great guests. You're always doing like – I always feel like you're doing way more important work than we are.
Well, I think that ZeroBlog30 is a lot different because we just don't have jokes. Like, for instance, this Friday's episode, we are going to have a dude who is a Green Beret, retired as a general.
He was the very first group that went into Afghanistan after 9-11. He was a Green Beret and went in on horseback.
Rode in from Pakistan to Afghanistan. He's going to tell us about that.
We've got Marlins, man. So, I mean, you tell me who does more.
But, yeah, go download it. It's awesome.
You can also hear him on Sirius every night with Kate 6-7 Chaps. It's been too long.
Hopefully it won't be this long until the next time. But I'm going to say it until your eye gets fixed.
You're not welcome back on. No, that's fair.
Yeah. Is it going to get fixed? Probably not gonna get fixed probably not okay all right well see if never looks like you got stung by like a really big hornet yeah it's a banana dude single single hornet it looks like your eye like you won't have an eye in a year no that's very likely yeah this is this is like ha ha ha ha and then one day you're gonna come in with a glass eyeball but it won't look gross and it won't make us feel bad.
Well, when the attending doctor, like the ophthalmologist, had to bring in like two other doctors that were higher than him. He was like, come check this out.
He was like, let's look at this. And they legitimately stared through this fancy-ass machine for like 45 minutes.
I've never seen one like this before. You're going to end up in a textbook.
And the guy goes, should we milk it? And I was like, what does he mean? Yeah. Let's milk it for all it's worth.
Would you become a glass eye guy or would you become an eye patch guy? Or would you? The one of your eye glasses is just blacked out. If I could go back, if I could do it, if I have to lose my eye, what I'm going to do is get a QR code on it where it's just, where you scan it and it goes download, subscribe,

zero block 30.

I like that.

And you can just your cash app, just your cash app directly to it.

Yeah.

Perfect.

All right, chaps.

Thanks so much.

Thank you, fellas.

Love you guys. Thank you.
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh,

Oh,

Oh,

Oh,

Oh,

Oh,

Oh,

Oh,

Oh,

Oh,

Oh,

Oh,

Oh,

Oh,

Oh,

Oh,

Oh,

Oh,

Oh,

Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Thank you. All we can do is open your eyes.
All we can do is open your eyes. All we can do is open your eyes.
All we can do is open your eyes. All we can do is open your eyes.
All we can do is open your eyes. All we can do is open your eyes.
All we can do is open your eyes. All we can do is open your eyes.

All we can do is open your eyes.

All we can do is open your eyes.

All we can do is open your eyes.

All we can do is open your eyes.

All we can do is open your eyes.

All we can do is open your eyes.

All we can do is open your eyes.

All we can do is open your eyes.

All we can do is open your eyes.

All we can do is open your eyes.

All we can do is open your eyes.

All we can do is open your eyes.

All we can do is open your eyes.

All we can do is open your eyes.

All we can do is open your eyes.

All we can do is open your eyes.

All we can do is open your eyes.

All we can do is open your eyes.

All we can do is open your eyes. All we can do is open your eyes.
All we can do is open your eyes. All we can do is open your eyes.
All we can do is open your eyes. All we can do is open your eyes.
Thank you. Take on me.
I don't need your name.

Take on me.

Take on me.