Rob Gronkowski, MNF Recap, And Uncle Chaps Reading Guys On Chicks

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Speaker 1 On today's part in my take,

Speaker 1 future Hall of Famer Rob Gronkowski. We've been wanting to have this interview for a long time.
He finally came in, and it was great. It was great.
It did not disappoint.

Speaker 1 Gronk is just a ball of energy and joy.

Speaker 2 He's a drug. He's a drug.
Around him, you get to contact Rob Hyde.

Speaker 1 It's incredible.

Speaker 1 So we have Gronk in studio, little Monday night football cleanup, little hot seat, cool throne, and our longtime friend Uncle Chaps joins us to read some guys on chicks and have a lot of laughs.

Speaker 1 Very, very funny.

Speaker 4 When cool, creamy ranch meets tangy, bold buffalo, the hole is greater than the sum of its sauce. Say howdy, partner, to new Buffalo Ranch sauce, only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Speaker 5 At participating, McDonald's.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's go.

Speaker 1 Now in the street, there is violence,

Speaker 1 and then a lot of some work to be done.

Speaker 1 No place to hang allow washing,

Speaker 1 and then I can't gain all on the sound. Oh no, we're gonna rock down to Eli Trake Avenue,

Speaker 1 and then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're gonna rock down to Eli Trake Avenue.

Speaker 1 Welcome to part of my take presented by the cash app. Go download it right now, put in code barstool.
You get $5 for free, $5 to ASPCA.

Speaker 1 Today is Wednesday, September 11th, and Joe Flacco fucking stinks.

Speaker 2 No, let's slow down. Let's slow down.

Speaker 1 He stinks.

Speaker 2 This is not fair. It's not fair that you blindsided me with this right off the jump.
He stinks. Who knows how many yards Flacco could have thrown forward against the Dolphins?

Speaker 1 The Denver Broncos traded. They willingly traded for Joe Flacco.

Speaker 2 Fact. Yes, that's a fact.

Speaker 2 Listen, the Raiders weren't going to lose last night. It could have been anybody.
It could have been the 85 Bears out there. It could have been the

Speaker 2 2007, 2008 Patriots, the one where they lost to Eli. It could have been that team out there.
The Raiders were going to be on a mission from the get-go.

Speaker 2 Here's the thing about the NFL. Let me explain something to you.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay, yeah. In the NFL, in the NFL,

Speaker 1 pull up a chair how the Dolphins are going to be good.

Speaker 2 Pull up a chair. In the NFL, every team is filled with good players.
If I were to put this like Ron Jawarski, every NFL team has NFL players, except for the Dolphins.

Speaker 2 Not very good. But they spent the entire week hearing about Antonio Brown, hearing about how they were going to suck, how they had no hope, they were lost as a franchise.

Speaker 2 Anytime that happens, especially before a Monday night game, the team's going to be motivated to play a little bit extra hard, especially if you've got John Gruden as your coach.

Speaker 2 That was a team that was going to beat anybody.

Speaker 1 Okay, so with all that said,

Speaker 1 how could they, you say they're going to beat anyone and then they only won by a touchdown? Like, it didn't kill him. Yeah.
Joe Flacco stinks. He stinks.
He's bad.

Speaker 1 He shouldn't be a starting quarterback in the NFL anymore.

Speaker 2 John Elway likes him because he's tall and he throws.

Speaker 1 He still throws a nice-looking ball, but it's just nothing else is good. Problem with Joe Flacco.

Speaker 1 That little fucking throw that he made when it was he had a wide open guy in the flat and he threw it to

Speaker 1 his near shoulder and just made him Joe Flacco made his his wide open receiver stumble and fall because of how poorly he placed the ball.

Speaker 2 Pass was thrown so hard.

Speaker 2 A three-yard pass to the flats. He couldn't do it.
Well, here's the deal with Joe Flacco. Right when he sucks the most is about when he's about to be great the most.
No. So he's like the sun.

Speaker 1 He's been bad for like five years now.

Speaker 2 It's always darkest before the dawn.

Speaker 1 Listen, I know I agree that the Raiders were extra motivated, but man, does Joe Flacco stink. And the, I don't know, like, you got to go Drew Locke now.

Speaker 2 Well, he's hurt. Oh, he is? Yeah.
Drew Locke's hurt. So they're going to be able to get away.
Get Paxton Lynch back on this shit. Did Paxon Lynch or Swag Kelly?

Speaker 1 Do it again.

Speaker 2 The joke of Swag Kelly is haunting them. They probably should have thought about doing something different at quarterback last night.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 He was not playing well. The funniest thing that he did by far.

Speaker 1 If the Bears lose to Joe Flacco, I'm going to have a meltdown. I've already agreed to it.
I'm going to have a meltdown.

Speaker 2 Heaven forbid.

Speaker 1 A live

Speaker 1 air meltdown. Oh, Vic Fangio.
Is that a Sunday night game? Vic Fangio. Let's talk about it.

Speaker 1 No, no, no.

Speaker 2 It's Sunday afternoon, 4:25.

Speaker 1 We're going to be live streaming. I will have a meltdown.

Speaker 2 First, did you see Joe Flacco try to do the Tom Brady quarterback sneak? Like, get him up to the line real quick and then run like a two-yard sneak? Yes. And the announcers are losing their shit.

Speaker 2 They're like, this is where the 6'5 body of Flacco comes so important. He got like negative one yard because he can't move forward.
Correct.

Speaker 2 Joe Flacco can do a five-step drop as clean as anybody, but you ask him to do anything else, he starts to fuck it all up.

Speaker 1 Vic Fangio, first of all, it's tough when you're losing to have the belt

Speaker 1 in the middle of your sweatshirt. That was a tough look.
It looked like he was wearing like a mini skirt. It was a weird look.
So first, that's just the look. That's a coordinator look.

Speaker 1 He's the head coach. Now you got to clean it up, Vic.
You got to clean it up. I like Vic Fangio.
I think he's a fantastic defensive coordinator. When he kicked that field goal down 21-6

Speaker 1 with 10 minutes left in the fourth quarter, you need two touchdowns no matter what.

Speaker 1 He kicked a field goal to then need two touchdowns no matter what.

Speaker 2 Yeah, John Gruden can count backwards from threes. Vic Fangio apparently can't.

Speaker 1 It's insane. Like what? I don't understand what coaches, like, why are you so afraid of not getting a fourth down when kicking a field goal is essentially admitting defeat there?

Speaker 2 It's a punt that you happen to get credit for. You get three points for it, big deal.
You got to kick off again. Yeah, that was dumb.
That's a first-year coach.

Speaker 2 That's a defensive coordinator move right there.

Speaker 1 But Mike Tomlin did it too.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's going to look, I think to your point about the sweatshirt and the belt.

Speaker 2 He's built for cold weather. He's going to look better when he's got the big, like Mike Shanahan bubble jacket on.

Speaker 1 Tuck the sweatshirt in, and you're fine. Wear it as a real belt.
He had it like mid-drift.

Speaker 2 Somebody told me he still has the kidney stone in there. Oh, like he just refused.
In the belt?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, no,

Speaker 1 saved it. That would be a very held on to it.

Speaker 1 Put it on his necklace like a shark tooth.

Speaker 2 Chuck Pagano's got the grit coins he passes out. Instead of the game ball, you get to hold his little calcium deposit for a week.

Speaker 1 Yes. All right, so we're going to talk talk about the other Monday night game, but I have one more thought about this one.
What the NFL is doing to the Raiders is absolute bullshit.

Speaker 1 I'm going to miss Oakland fans so, so much.

Speaker 1 The Black Hole. Watching the Black Hole, watching, especially like that second Monday night game, it feels like the Raiders always play it.

Speaker 1 They should actually make that game in Oakland no matter what, forever immemorium. Because the Raider fans, just every single shot, every single camera shot to the crowd is art.
It really is.

Speaker 1 I mean, you had the guy in the Chucky mask. You had guys in space helmets, face paint.
The black hole is something that you can't replicate, and the NFL is robbing us of that. And I'm disgusted.

Speaker 1 I'm just saying, I'm disgusted.

Speaker 2 The great thing about the black hole is that everyone is wearing some sort of facial disguise or helmet of some sort, like it's an entire section of Daft Punk back there. You don't know who's under.

Speaker 2 It's like the masked singer. It could be Antonio Brown.

Speaker 1 You don't know. Yes.

Speaker 2 But I guarantee you, there are some celebrities that attend Raiders games with helmets on that you don't know. It could be Riley Curry.
Guy Fieri. Funded the Stormtrooper.

Speaker 2 Well, Guy Fieri lives his life. His face is a helmet as a natural disguise.

Speaker 1 The fuck AB chant.

Speaker 1 There's just something about Oakland that I feel like we're being robbed of one of the best fan bases. And yeah, people say they'll travel, but listen.
The Vegas stadium is going to be beautiful.

Speaker 1 It's going to be state-of-the-art. It's going to be gorgeous.
No baseball field. No baseball field.
I'm going to miss that.

Speaker 1 Not only that, but the black hole, I don't understand the physics behind a night game having a a huge shadow in the end zone like that end zone at the black hole they the broncos had to start a drive from there you i couldn't even see it's like it it's like a the the uh i don't watch star wars what is it the death star yeah

Speaker 1 right okay i got it nailed it got that on the first one um

Speaker 1 it's just we're losing it and i'm sad it made me sad last night i was enjoying so much watching that game not for the game because it's stunk but for the fans.

Speaker 1 And credit to Derek Carr, he was awesome.

Speaker 2 He was pretty good. And then after the game, he did the Derek Carr thing where he was like, I love AB.
We're going to miss him. Sure.
Yeah, sure, Derek Carr. Sure.
Sure, you are.

Speaker 2 But now we have, now I have to spend the next week saying that Derek Carr is a class action.

Speaker 1 Sure, you were just wearing regular Suntan lotion and not oiling your arms for hard knocks.

Speaker 2 Sure, John Gruden is your best friend in the entire world.

Speaker 1 Sure, you were crying that time you got hurt. And sure, you don't wear mascara.

Speaker 2 Yeah, sure, it's not tattooed on. Just because it's on there permanently permanently doesn't mean it's not makeup.

Speaker 1 Sure, having your kids literally fight each other for the first episode of Hard Knocks to show how tough the Carr family is wasn't totally planned.

Speaker 2 Sure. Yeah, sure, your head's not a perfect sphere.
Yeah, sure.

Speaker 1 Sure, dude. Yeah, sure.
Seven-year bump, though.

Speaker 2 Well, is it a seven-year bump?

Speaker 1 That's what we're remembering. Six-year bump? Six-year-old.

Speaker 2 Six-year-old. Six-year-old.

Speaker 1 Six-year-old.

Speaker 2 Seven-year slump, six-year bump.

Speaker 2 John Gruden high-fiving the black hole after the game was incredible.

Speaker 2 He did the penguin run over the black hole, and he was like,

Speaker 1 Man, man, man.

Speaker 2 It was great. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I actually, and the worst part about it is like, normally under these circumstances, like you can look at owners that have moved teams in the past. Stan Cronke, everyone hates that guy.

Speaker 1 You have Art Model. Like Mark Davis, can you really hate him? I don't even know if he knows they're moving.
No, you can't hate Mark Davis. No, you can't.
I love Mark Davis.

Speaker 1 So you don't even have anything you can point to and say, that guy's evil. Mark Davis, he just wants to go where there's more PF Changs.

Speaker 2 I just want Mark Davis to watch watch every game from the Oakland Stadium in a lawn chair at midfield with like a cooler, just looking at the Jumbotron, watching his team play.

Speaker 1 He's like Cheetos on his white jeans and white shirt.

Speaker 2 And just covering his hands in the Cheeto dust, too. Yeah, no, the stadium is going to be way different.
I don't think the fans aren't going to travel from Oakland to.

Speaker 1 They'll travel, but you know what? No, I don't think they will.

Speaker 2 I think the stadium is going to be filled with a bunch of bachelor parties and bachelorette parties all dressed up in costumes.

Speaker 1 No, because what I'm saying is like Raider fans are everywhere, I feel like, in the West Coast area because they moved from, you know, L.A. to Oakland.
Let me tell you something about football.

Speaker 1 They moved, they used to be in L.A., and then they were in Oakland, and then, you know, back to L.A.

Speaker 1 So, I think they will still have like Raider fans. It just, the griminess will be gone, and when the griminess leaves, it feels weird.

Speaker 7 You don't think there's going to be grimy Vegas local characters in the crowd?

Speaker 1 But when you go to a stadium that's state-of-the-art and very new, you feel a lot more out of place when you are dressed up like a fucking idiot. Yep.
Yep. That's really what it comes down to.

Speaker 2 Exactly. Like having, if our show, our TV show that we did was on like the Sports Center set, we would have looked like assholes and felt like assholes.
What's going on right now?

Speaker 2 But we shot it in a basement in the back of a van, so it was fine.

Speaker 2 If you show up somewhere to like a dive bar, you don't have to be wearing a shirt. You can do whatever you want.
There are no laws when you're drinking claws.

Speaker 2 It's this thing where if you show up to a place, yeah, oh, it's all right.

Speaker 1 Truly, no, there are truly

Speaker 1 no laws when you're drinking claws.

Speaker 2 And I'm a respecter of law enforcement. That's why I'll never touch a white claw.

Speaker 2 But yeah, if you go to a nice new stadium, it doesn't feel the same at all. It feels too corporate.

Speaker 1 Right. It's just the soul out of it.
All right, the other game. Joe Flacco sucks.
Bill O'Brien sucks. That guy.

Speaker 1 He's got to be the most mediocre coach who's been around forever.

Speaker 2 Can we blame it on the GM? The lack thereof in the general management.

Speaker 1 He is now.

Speaker 2 So the end of the game, we should probably talk about the last pass that Drew Brees completed to get them into field goal range.

Speaker 2 They were given that soft cushion, that Greg Williams, like seven-yard cushion, and it was a pre-vent defense that was lined up there.

Speaker 2 If the Texans had just fallen down, or if the Saints player had just fallen down and the Texans didn't touch him, if there were no Texans on the field during the last, if all the Texans had been sucked into the giant black hole

Speaker 2 in the middle of Bill O'Brien's chin, if he had just fallen, no, because the Saints player caught the ball and fell down.

Speaker 1 He could have gotten up and ran to Verton.

Speaker 2 If they had waited five seconds and gone up and touched him, they'd be back on the field. The game was over.

Speaker 7 No, I was thinking the same exact thing, PFD.

Speaker 1 Yes, but they had a timeout, and I feel like the refs would have just given him the timeout. No.
I feel like the refs would have fucked it up and given him the timeout.

Speaker 1 Like, he would have went down and just called timeout.

Speaker 7 That's not passable. It doesn't work like that.

Speaker 1 It would have been a good time. No, that's not how it is, but I get you don't think the refs can fuck up in the Superdome? Yeah.
Good point.

Speaker 2 Good point.

Speaker 1 The natural.

Speaker 1 If you went down and then Drew Brees was just going timeout, timeout, timeout, the refs standing next to Drew Brees would give him a timeout.

Speaker 2 I think still bad coaching, no, but yeah, not before the whistle was blown, though.

Speaker 1 I think they're saying they would have just blown the whistle and been like, oh, yeah, here you go.

Speaker 2 Here's your timeout, Drew. That would have been so ridiculous to have the game end on an officiating error.

Speaker 7 But when it gets bring some moves, you'll hear this in the interview, but he tweeted it.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. Gotcha.

Speaker 2 Okay, we'll get to that later in our interview with Rob Gronkowski.

Speaker 7 That was brought to you by Brick and Mills for real cover.

Speaker 1 That tastes real bad. Yes.
Love it.

Speaker 2 Also, Sean Payton just loves Taysom Hill. I think he wants Taysom Hill to sleep in his bed with him.

Speaker 1 Yes, he does.

Speaker 1 He can't stop using him.

Speaker 1 And it's

Speaker 1 almost like Sean Payton,

Speaker 1 he has something in his brain where every five minutes, he's like, wait, haven't done a Taysom Hill play that's going to get minus three yards.

Speaker 2 Got to get Taysom in here. Got to get Taysom.

Speaker 1 And then every now and then, obviously, it works, and it's like, oh, man, Taysom's a weapon. Bill O'Brien.
So even that play, though, take that out of there. Bill O'Brien does the most.

Speaker 1 I don't understand what he does. I feel like he doesn't make any adjustments.
I feel like

Speaker 1 he does the classic thing where a guy will rip off a big run and then he'll make that guy run right into the line again. And it's like, okay, well, maybe he's gassed.
Like, maybe we shouldn't do this.

Speaker 1 He does weird stuff like that. It feels like Deshaun Watson is always running for his life, is always in a spot where he's going to get killed.
With that said, I have a new bone to pick with Twitter.

Speaker 1 Something that's really been driving me nuts. Go off.

Speaker 1 The people who are like, Bill O'Brien is going to ruin Deshaun Watson and treat it like it is the worst thing that's ever happened and that there's never been a quarterback in the NFL that's been ruined by a head coach of the Texans.

Speaker 2 Shut up.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 They are so melodramatic about it. It's like, oh my God, Deshaun Watson, he's being ruined.
Guess what? This happens all the time in the NFL.

Speaker 2 Also, if the Texans had won last night,

Speaker 2 we probably wouldn't even be having this conversation about how bad Bill O'Brien sounds like. That may be stars.
Yeah, but we'd be, you know, how we get things.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we know how we be.

Speaker 2 We lather ourselves up about stuff all the time.

Speaker 7 If they won that game, you would not be talking about Bill O'Brien.

Speaker 2 I think we probably, we probably would be because they won.

Speaker 1 But they also gave up, they were in control in the first half.

Speaker 1 And then it feels like anytime a team just like essentially just gives up the second half lead like that, I'm always like, what was the coach doing at halftime?

Speaker 2 I did like DeAndre Hopkins Tuplex, though.

Speaker 1 That should be legal.

Speaker 7 And the Saints fans talk about Grimy fans. That was electric.

Speaker 1 Yes. The boo montage was one of the best whistlehead man.

Speaker 1 DeAndre Hopkins doesn't get enough credit for one of the coolest nicknames.

Speaker 2 Nuke.

Speaker 1 Nuke is such a fucking cool nickname. Yeah.
So when he body slammed the defender, which I believe that each team should get one body slam a game, just like you get one body slam, I hate one ball.

Speaker 2 I think it was worth the penalty because you suplex a guy, then defenders are less likely. They'll think twice before catching interception.

Speaker 1 Yes. And yeah, right, because Nuke could come.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Nukes, nukes that were out.

Speaker 2 I like that rule. Just like everybody gets one egregious penalty per game.
Vontez Berfik becomes an impact player again.

Speaker 1 Oh, dude, what was with Monday Night Football being like, Vontez Berfik is a leader. He's a smart player.
Yes. That was just

Speaker 1 the strangest. That was their key pickup.

Speaker 1 That was the strangest storyline they were trying to push that Vontez Berfik all of a sudden is like this super intelligent guy who doesn't get personal foul penalties every other game.

Speaker 2 They didn't say that, though. They just said he's a leader.
They don't say what he's leading the leader in some way. That's true.

Speaker 1 That's true.

Speaker 2 Yeah, when Bill Romanowski gives you his stamp of approval, at that point, you got to say, this guy knows what it's all about.

Speaker 1 Vontez Berfik is like the opposite of a smart player. He is a total, like, I'm going to do what, I'm going to hit whatever's in front of me at any point.

Speaker 1 You can use those guys, but I wouldn't say he's some savvy player that knows how to like game the system.

Speaker 2 The Raiders probably love him now because of his history knocking AB out all the time. Yeah, true.
So, yeah, maybe he is a smart player. Maybe he saw that coming.

Speaker 1 So the only other thing I had was Deshaun Watson is unbelievable. And yes, all your tweets saying that the Bears drafted Mr.
Bisky instead of Deshaun Watson or Patrick Mahomes. I see them.

Speaker 1 They hurt my feelings. Stop sending them, please.
My nightmare. You know what my nightmare is?

Speaker 2 Both of them.

Speaker 5 The Texans

Speaker 1 and the Chiefs are playing this year. That's going to be awesome.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I might Jason Whitlock my account.

Speaker 2 It's going to be 54 to 51. Whitlock deleting his entire account because he put all the money.

Speaker 2 God don't like ugly.

Speaker 1 God don't like ugly.

Speaker 2 He hates Mitch Trubisky.

Speaker 1 He mortal locked the Steelers and then accidentally deleted his account.

Speaker 1 It slips sometimes. Yeah, but seriously, stop sending me those tweets, please.

Speaker 1 Barstowgold.com/slash PMT. Gronk is on the show.
You're going to want to watch it. And Chaps's eye.
And Chaps' eye.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah, the segment's going to pop a lot more if you can look at Chaps directly in his red eye.
I want to toss in this one extra quote. Gruden just put this out here right now.

Speaker 2 Gruden did not realize that it was his 100th career win until after the game. Feels like Gruden should have more than 100 years or 100 wins, right?

Speaker 1 Yes. Right.

Speaker 2 Wait.

Speaker 1 I mean, he took some time off because then you do the math. It's hard to get 100 wins.
Like, you actually do the math. Yeah.
It's very hard to get 10 wins for a decade. That's a long time.

Speaker 1 That's really good.

Speaker 2 That's true. Okay, so it was his 100th win last night.
And he said, I thought about going to Hooters and calling it, go out on a high note.

Speaker 2 So just, does that mean just like go to Hooters and die of corona poisoning? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just kind of find a warm stool.

Speaker 2 Just climb under a table and just slowly melt. Lay down, drown yourself in corona and wing sauce.
I don't hate that. That's a football guy waiting.

Speaker 1 There's a lot worse places to die. Yeah, I agree.
Yeah. All right, let's do our hot seat cool throne.
Hank, why don't you start? Why don't you start? No, why don't you start? Why don't you start?

Speaker 1 You're not ready because you're scrolling your text messages. So why don't you start? Why don't you start? No, I see you on your phone.
All right, go.

Speaker 7 People with triphobia.

Speaker 1 It was so easy to get it. Oh, fuck.
That was mine. All right, I'll start.
Wait, wait, people with what?

Speaker 1 Triphobia. Tripophobia.
Tripophobia. Tripophobia.
No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 That's just great that that was.

Speaker 1 People with great balance? Yeah.

Speaker 7 It's people that are like.

Speaker 1 All right, I'll explain it. So the new iPhone is out, or it was debuted at the Apple of the Genius by me.

Speaker 1 There are three cameras

Speaker 1 in the new iPhone. Okay? So tripophobia, which I didn't know this was a thing either, it's an aversion to the sight of irregular patterns or clusters of small holes or bumps.

Speaker 1 So because it's the three holes that are not all in line, it's like a triangle.

Speaker 5 Oh, I hate that.

Speaker 1 It's fucking people up.

Speaker 1 And people are complaining that the new iPhone is insensitive to people with tripophobia how what percentage of the population has tripophobia it's actually not even uh officially recognized as a mental disorder okay so there's a lot of self-diagnosis going out there yeah so people are being pretty extra being saying that the i you know what go buy an eye go buy an android if you can't deal with the three cameras yeah the the phone is so it's got three cameras because they have three different lenses i think hank hank were you talking about something totally different no i was talking about that okay no i was i thought it was triphobia but yeah it's tripophobia so what's the point of having three cameras besides I mean, the

Speaker 1 portrait moves and slowfies. Slofies? What's a slowfield?

Speaker 7 That's the new thing they announced: slow-mo selfies. Oh, fuck, yeah.
With one of the cameras, can do like slow-mo.

Speaker 2 Wait, selfies a picture, but like for video.

Speaker 7 So, boomerang.

Speaker 1 You can do self-movement. For boomerang and slow-mo.
Yeah. But yes, they have pet portrait mode that's specifically made for pet pictures.

Speaker 2 Built in for woofers. Yeah.

Speaker 6 That's incredible.

Speaker 1 I'm really excited. All the boops.

Speaker 2 I'm hecking pumped about that. I'm going to boop you, Steve Jobs.
I saw.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 2 what is the purpose, though, of the three different lenses? The two are the same.

Speaker 1 So they just keep adding cameras because they ran out of things to do.

Speaker 7 You ever see how they shot the Matrix with like, you know, a million cameras on one?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's going to be a wall of cameras by the end because they're like, well, we ran out of space.

Speaker 2 They're just going to build a room. Yeah.
Everyone can have a room that's just a wall of cameras that you can go into.

Speaker 1 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 I like that. Get here sooner rather than later.

Speaker 1 So tripophobia. My other hot seat.

Speaker 7 Big time problem.

Speaker 2 You know what they should do? They should put cameras on the sides

Speaker 2 of phones. So like if I'm holding it up,

Speaker 2 yeah, like the old super soaker that you could, like, point at somebody and they wouldn't know.

Speaker 7 They should make a circular, so it's like a 360 cam.

Speaker 2 Like a ball. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You should put them in your. I'm still waiting for the phone to be in your chip in your pinky and your thumb.

Speaker 2 So you make calls like this. Boom.

Speaker 1 And you can just talk, you'd be like, hey, text, and then that boom, that's a text.

Speaker 7 And you have a chip in your brain that is showing what your

Speaker 2 visions are. Yeah.
What if we're the phones already? We're all robots. And we just do have.
chips in our brains.

Speaker 1 The third iPhone 20.

Speaker 2 And every time you go to sleep, you're just plugging in your charger.

Speaker 1 How many cameras are in the iPhone we have right now? Two. Two.
Yeah, so they just added a third one for the government.

Speaker 2 Okay, that one goes directly to Langley.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's not even it. Yeah, it's just they cut out the middleman.
Okay.

Speaker 7 My other hot seats, ESPN, they got fucking cyber-bullied so hard

Speaker 7 and had to remove their. They had a yellow, their first down graphic, like showing the down and yardage, was yellow.
So it looked like there was a flag on every single play.

Speaker 7 Twitter was, and every, yeah, Twitter was just furious. They changed it halftime.

Speaker 1 Don't they got bullied? They got, they, which is a dangerous precedent for them to set. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Listen, don't add anything to a football broadcast. Football broadcasts are perfect.
I like them just the way they are. I like my green zone.

Speaker 1 And I like my yellow line.

Speaker 7 They already did it and got shit on.

Speaker 1 That's the one thing.

Speaker 7 ESPA was like, oh, let's do that.

Speaker 2 That's the one thing that you can't do is add yellow to a score bug or allow yellow on the field in any

Speaker 1 census. Yes, anywhere.

Speaker 2 Just give me my down and distance that's displayed on the field. Give me my green zone.
Give me my Genesis halftime show, and I'll be happy.

Speaker 1 Oh, dude, the Genesis halftime show.

Speaker 2 It's nice.

Speaker 1 Did you see the Encore? They just played it again?

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 do you guys know what Genesis is? Nope. I'm going to make it my mission to go.

Speaker 1 I think that's a band.

Speaker 7 I do have Genesis.

Speaker 1 No, it is Phil Collins. It's a car, I think.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but I think it's a car. It's Phil Collins driving a car.
Yeah.

Speaker 7 And then my cool throne is Blake Griffin, the body.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 Blake of the year.

Speaker 1 Yes. The Bodhi.
Bodhi.

Speaker 6 Bodie. Bodhi, please.

Speaker 7 Well, whatever.

Speaker 7 There's a Comedy Central roast of, and he was up there. Caitlin Jenner was one one of the people on the panel.
He went up there, did a viral clip where he was just roasting Caitlin Jenner.

Speaker 7 It was very funny, very

Speaker 7 good for Blake. It's just good for, you know, the Blake of the year to have that PR type of press.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Good, Blake. I'm really glad that you're good at everything that you do.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Super. Oh, you're a millionaire

Speaker 1 100 times over. You're awesome at basketball.
You can shoot threes now, and you're funnier than everyone.

Speaker 1 Cool, dude. Happy for you.

Speaker 2 Awesome. Is that it?

Speaker 1 Also, apocalypse bunkers. What's that? What happened?

Speaker 7 Pulse Malone is preparing a $3 million compound tucked away in northern Utah.

Speaker 1 Hell yeah. To get ready for the apocalypse.
Hell yeah. What's inside?

Speaker 2 Why would Post Malone let people know about his Apocalypse Bunker?

Speaker 7 I don't know. This could be like the Postmates thing when it was like Post Malone spends like $5 million on Postmates and turned out to be an ad.
This could be like an apocalypse bunker ad.

Speaker 2 An apocalypse bunker with Post Malone would just turn into like such a sick party.

Speaker 2 My hot seat, I'm just going to go with Green Day because I also had your phone because iPhone just cucked it and now you can't use it anymore because there's a better one.

Speaker 1 Who else you got, PFT?

Speaker 2 Okay, my hot seat is every band in the world besides Green Day. Yeah, why? Because Green Day's back.
They're dropping a new album and they tweeted out today. This is from Billy Joe.

Speaker 2 Me, Mike Durnt, and Trey Cool of Green Day cut through the bullshit. That's how it's always been for us.
Everything else is fake. Frauds, I tell you.
Rock has lost its balls.

Speaker 2 We're going to teabag all these motherfuckers. The baddest rock band on the planet that gives a shit.

Speaker 2 So Green Day is back officially. They're putting their flag in the ground and saying we're the only good band out there.

Speaker 2 And I was thinking that Green Day, would you consider them to be classic rock at this point?

Speaker 1 Oldies? Yeah. Yeah, I guess.
When does that become classic rock? 95. I guess I always think like 70s and 80s are classic rock.
So

Speaker 1 when do the 90s? So to us,

Speaker 1 those are oldies. When does the 90s become classic rock?

Speaker 2 I think it's now. Fuck.
I think Green Day is an oldies band. That sucks.

Speaker 2 I was thinking that their album.

Speaker 1 They're oldies. Their albums.
They kept classic rock.

Speaker 1 Remember Dookie? Yeah, of course.

Speaker 2 Everybody had Dookie on CD. I think that proportionally, that was like that was the album that was bought by the most people to be their first CD.
Yes. Yes.
Maybe the Titanic soundtrack.

Speaker 1 Butthole Surfers. That, I think, was my first CD.

Speaker 2 Oh, there you go. Yeah.
That name aged really well.

Speaker 1 It did. I mean, that was a sick song.
What was that song?

Speaker 1 Fuck. I don't mind the song sometimes.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's a good song.

Speaker 2 Amazing that a band named the Butthole Surfers was able to get on the radio.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they were great. Yeah.

Speaker 2 My cool throne is vaping because there's been a real spike in vaping.

Speaker 1 Are you back?

Speaker 2 No, but there's been a spike in vaping deaths. So now vaping has kind of turned the corner.
It's like it's a bad boy thing.

Speaker 2 You know, like smoking cigarettes was rebellious when we were kids because it's like not healthy, allegedly. Well, now vaping has entered that realm because it's killing people.

Speaker 1 Ooh.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 yeah, so I think it's going to see a spike in use. Also, my cool throne is Todd Palin

Speaker 2 because the Palin,

Speaker 2 the Palin family broke up. Todd and Sarah got a divorce.
Damn. So Todd is a man on the loose right now.
And for a guy that had like extremely divorced dad energy, even when he was married,

Speaker 2 seeing him on his own single,

Speaker 2 he is going to be slaying some tail. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 And you say that literally because there will be some snowmobile fucking.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there are going to be some people in Russia that are going to be able to watch Todd Palin fucking his ex-girlfriend from high school inside his house. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. There's going to be some dive bar showing up.

Speaker 2 Todd's on the prowl. Where's Todd? What is Todd?

Speaker 1 Todd is such a fucking like sleazy prowl guy name.

Speaker 2 Todd should always.

Speaker 1 If you meet a person, here comes Todd.

Speaker 2 If you meet a Todd,

Speaker 2 assume that they're divorced until proven otherwise.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and Snowmobile and want to fuck

Speaker 1 your wife.

Speaker 2 Have six monster energy tattoos.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Todd.
Todd, Todd, Todd. Todd.

Speaker 1 All right, my hot seats is my brain and Hank's brain because the Summertime Love stupid commercial has been in my brain for three days now.

Speaker 2 What song is that?

Speaker 1 Summertime love, the non-dancing boy band. Oh, I love those guys.
So that commercial, we're back in the season.

Speaker 1 It happens in March Madness and it happens in football season where you watch so much live sports that the commercials just break you down.

Speaker 7 Lloyd's boyfriend from Entourage is also cool thrown because she's in the Buffalo Wild Wings commercial.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 7 It took me like a hundred times of watching it to be able to get the fucking thing.

Speaker 1 This is the season. You're back in football season.
You're watching wall-to-wall football and the commercials just, they actually like suck away part of your brain matter.

Speaker 2 You know what league is the best at that actually? Is sneaky baseball during baseball playoffs? They run the same commercial over and over. You remember the Dane Cook MLB commercial?

Speaker 2 You remember the Frank TV commercials?

Speaker 1 Yep. Yeah, baseball.
CBS just hammers you.

Speaker 2 Because baseball has like one sales guy. Right.
And that one sales guy goes out there and lands two accounts. He's like, okay, we're set for October.

Speaker 1 He's got a rotary phone. Yeah.
And he wears a suit every day. Yeah.
And he's just pounding that Rolodex. An old school Rolodex.
that's actually flipping through. All right, my cool throne is

Speaker 1 anyone who thought the Knicks were dysfunctional because you don't have to think it anymore.

Speaker 1 Enos Cantor actually confirmed it, and he said that literally everyone in the league talks and says the ownership sucks and they never want to go there. Okay.

Speaker 2 So check that one out.

Speaker 2 I was unsure.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if James Dolan was a buffoon or not.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it wasn't the

Speaker 2 40 years without a title that made me think that.

Speaker 1 But now we're good. Okay.
We know.

Speaker 2 And then my other cool throne throne is by the way that's coming from somebody that is like fleeing a country with a dangerous dictator that's like the most dysfunctional country yep in the world and he thinks that the Knicks are run poorly yes this this place you want to really talk about some shit shows uh and then on my other cool throne is everyone's favorite sports debate because Pete Prisco our friend said that Bama could beat the Dolphins yes let's go let's go that's the quickest it's ever happened yeah Pete you know what Pete did he did a I'm gonna tell you guys something about the NFL right the Dolphins are trash trash.

Speaker 1 The Dolphins are trash, and Alabama can beat them.

Speaker 2 What's a better debate? That? Is Yukon women's basketball bad for women's basketball? Right. Or which school is the real DBU?

Speaker 1 Because that one's hot these days. I love the Bama one because it's by far the dumbest argument of all time.
Like, anyone who actually thinks that is crazy.

Speaker 2 Of course, Bama could beat the Dolphins. Watch me put Hank Sprainer Presto Raider for this.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Hank,

Speaker 1 he's on his text. I don't know what he's going on.
I'm co-tweeting the tweet from PMT. Okay.
You want me to wait? I'm a loster spot. Because the Patriots trade it out tomorrow.
Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 We'll find out.

Speaker 2 I'll wait for Hank to finish his tweet.

Speaker 1 Okay. Hank, could

Speaker 2 Alabama beat the Dolphins if they had Tom Brady as a quarterback?

Speaker 7 Tom Brady is a quarterback. Belichick as the other coach.

Speaker 2 You think Belichick is...

Speaker 1 Two is the quarterback of the Dolphins.

Speaker 2 No. You think that Belichick is a huge, huge upgrade over Nick Saban?

Speaker 7 No, they get to coach together.

Speaker 1 Oh. Yeah.
Okay. Dual head coaches.

Speaker 1 Okay. All right.
So you think yes? Yes. Okay.
Yes.

Speaker 7 Okay. With that type of strategy, like give them two weeks to prepare.

Speaker 1 No, no. A week.
What a week. What a week.

Speaker 1 A normal week. Don't give you a bye week.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 All right. Actually, you do get two bye weeks in college.
Okay, let's get to our interview with Rob Grunkowski.

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Speaker 1 What's up, guys? It's Big Cat here, making my Irish entrance with proper number 12 Irish whiskey. How do you make an Irish entrance, you ask?

Speaker 1 It starts with a shot of proper number 12 Irish whiskey because real friends don't let friends Irish exit a party without a story to tell.

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Mix it up with some ginger ale for a classic and refreshing proper ginger.

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Speaker 1 So get out there and make your Irish entrance. Anything else just wouldn't be proper.
Okay, here he is, Rob Grinkowski.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on a guest we should have had on a long time ago, but he's here now. It is future Hall of Famer, possibly retired, but maybe coming back.
Rob Grinkowski.

Speaker 5 Possibly retired.

Speaker 1 But maybe coming back. I mean, you are so.

Speaker 5 I'm not even retired.

Speaker 5 I'm possibly retired.

Speaker 1 Have you followed the paperwork?

Speaker 5 I like that. No, you can't.
It takes a year.

Speaker 1 Oh, interesting.

Speaker 5 So I'm like half retired. Okay.

Speaker 1 You got to wait that year. You've been flirting with it, you have to admit.
Like, you've been throwing out little, and we need you to do that for this show so that people will quote it.

Speaker 1 Like, you need to say, I'm actually going to come back this exact week.

Speaker 5 Yeah, probably like week 14 or something.

Speaker 1 I heard you yelling that in the hallway.

Speaker 5 I'll Alpreza said week 14, week 13. Uh-huh.
So, you know, I said, I'm just going to agree with you.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 You're the Prez, so week 14.

Speaker 1 Week 14 works.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to ask you if you're coming back. I'm just going to straight up give you a hypothetical offer right now.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 Let's say $10 million.

Speaker 2 You don't have to practice except for walkthroughs. And here's the kicker.
You get to wear number 69 and you report as tackle eligible every single play.

Speaker 5 So the ref has to say, reporting number 69 over the loudspeaker you know that that was that's a pretty good deal how many games do I have to play three before the playoffs and it's for 10 million yeah yeah three games before the playoffs $10 million wearing number 69 yep the whole stadium will have to hear it every single time every time

Speaker 5 would the fans love that every time

Speaker 1 yeah I think so

Speaker 5 oh all right all right I know you two would

Speaker 1 yeah I would take that deal okay breaking news he's coming back for $10 million there it is I would take that deal

Speaker 1 seriously how much weight have you lost? Because that's the other story. Everyone's like, well, he's lost a ton of weight.
Is that a good or a bad thing?

Speaker 1 Are you like, you're not, you're the type of guy who's like, people are probably calling me weak.

Speaker 5 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 It's both.

Speaker 1 It's a good thing.

Speaker 5 I look at it as a great thing, but people say it to me like it's a bad thing. They're like, oh, they're like, you lost so much weight.

Speaker 5 And then like, like, five seconds later, they like realize what they said. And then they look at me and they're like, And how'd you do it? Like, I need to lose weight too.

Speaker 5 Like, they say it in like a mean way first, and then they realize like what a beast I was and be able to lose that much weight at 260 where I was already jacked.

Speaker 5 So I lost 15, 20 pounds and the weight I lost, I call it bullshit weight.

Speaker 1 Okay. Like bloated weight.

Speaker 5 Right. I like, you know,

Speaker 5 I was 265. You got a lot of that.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah. I don't like, you know, I'm an athlete and to be able to be on top of your game, I feel like for your whole career, you got to make adjustments throughout your career.

Speaker 5 You don't see a 20-year-old athlete doing the same thing as a 35-year-old athlete. So if you want to stay in the game, you got to to make adjustments, just like anything else.

Speaker 1 Oh, so this was the adjustment for your return? Oh, oh, Wayne, I like where you're going.

Speaker 5 No, you know, it's just an adjustment for life. I mean, I didn't like that extra weight.
I mean, I found a way that I could get it off me, and I did. And now I feel lighter.
I feel quicker.

Speaker 5 I feel faster. I feel more energy.
I feel more alert. And that's just the way I wanted it to be.

Speaker 1 Did you lose anything off your bench?

Speaker 5 No, man. I haven't.

Speaker 1 I'm actually stronger now. Really? Yeah, man.
How much you bench?

Speaker 1 I haven't benched in a while.

Speaker 2 That's such bullshit. I wish we had the bench pressing here.

Speaker 5 The bench press in here. We're getting one.

Speaker 2 It's making its way.

Speaker 1 It's definitely coming at some point. So

Speaker 1 what could you bench if we had a bench press in here, which would have been an unbelievable moment, but we don't have it?

Speaker 5 Yeah, that would have been an unbelievable moment.

Speaker 5 But I actually really haven't benched. I benched actually the other day after a full, I just had there's 135 on the

Speaker 1 qualify it.

Speaker 5 And I did it like just 10 times.

Speaker 2 Just to stress.

Speaker 5 Just to see, yeah, just after my full workout. But I swear,

Speaker 5 I haven't really lifted weights in like a year and a half. I do like weights like every once every like two weeks now.

Speaker 1 Wait, so last year during the season, you weren't lifting, like you don't, you didn't lift?

Speaker 5 No, no, I wasn't. I was just doing more body weight, band stuff,

Speaker 5 you know?

Speaker 1 Just trying to like keep it, you know, like it was, I mean, was that abnormal to the rest of your career?

Speaker 5 Oh, yes, definitely. I mean, I've been a heavyweight guy lifting and everything, but like I said, you got to make adjustments.

Speaker 5 I feel like the heavy weightlifting was just keeping me a little stiff, you know, a little stiff. And I didn't like it.

Speaker 5 And I felt like I was getting stiff, and I felt like I needed to adjust a little bit. I still lift weights, but I don't do it as much anymore.

Speaker 1 Sounds like someone is on the TB12 method. Yeah, it is a little bit for it.
For sure, really.

Speaker 1 Majority of it is, for sure. When was the last time you ate a tomato?

Speaker 5 Ate a tomato? I mean, I got nothing against tomatoes. If they're in my cell, if they're in my

Speaker 5 pizza, like yeah, I just had a pizza.

Speaker 1 That's fine.

Speaker 5 Yeah, but you know, I need to put some weight on it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's true. Yeah, President was like, dang, yeah, I got to put some weight on on it.

Speaker 5 So I took two bites of the pizza.

Speaker 2 What are you down to now?

Speaker 5 I'm 245 right now. Okay, that's pretty lean.

Speaker 5 Oh, I'm 245. I'm ripped.
It feels good.

Speaker 2 I feel bad for you because when you were playing, you never got to experience the joy of having the announcers talk about you because they would all say like the same things.

Speaker 2 And it seemed like every year they would add five or ten pounds to your weight. So like by the end, they'd be like, you can't tackle Rob Gronkowski.
He's 6'10 and weighs 285, you know, 290.

Speaker 2 You can't stop that. So like when you were at your heaviest, how much did you actually weigh?

Speaker 5 My heaviest, I would say I've hit 270 before, but I never hit 270 during the season. I was like 268 some games.

Speaker 5 I always ranged from 260 to 268 in between that throughout my whole career.

Speaker 5 Actually, I have before, but it was never during football.

Speaker 1 Okay, got it. You have to smile when you saw that.

Speaker 5 268.

Speaker 5 268.

Speaker 2 We need to talk to you about that because we're big 69 fans, or I should say we were. I feel like the joke has kind of been run into the ground by Darren Revell recently.
He ruined it.

Speaker 2 He ruined it by betting 69 cents on the Browns to win the Super Bowl. And once Darren gets involved in everything, please also bleep his name out because he'll just get hard on for from hearing it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. How do we make 69 great again?

Speaker 5 You know, I was actually just talking about that on the ride here. Me and Goon were driving up, and we were like, yo, we were like 69, like, isn't like that, isn't that, it's kind of like in the past.

Speaker 5 Like, this is crazy. We were literally just saying that on the car ride up here.
We were like, 69 jokes kind of faded away, which they kind of have. I totally 100% agree.

Speaker 5 And, you know, Al Perez was looking for the 69 joke for the pizza.

Speaker 1 That's the problem. Everyone's looking for it.
Everyone was looking for it.

Speaker 5 That's the problem. So, you know, I gave him the score, but I kind of had to switch it up a little bit.
I did 6.8769. Like, you know, because you just can't do the 6.9.
Everyone was looking for it.

Speaker 5 So, I don't know, man. I need some ideas.

Speaker 1 420 is pretty hot right now. It is, yeah.
420.

Speaker 5 It is.

Speaker 5 That's why I'm with CBD now, baby.

Speaker 1 There you go, right. Exactly.

Speaker 5 Exactly why I'm with CBD.

Speaker 2 I would say either stay away for a little bit and then bring it back with something like real big like your own fire fest except it's called like 69 fest after like a year off entirely or just the one where you check in as a tackle eligible every single play and then that's it i think that'd be funny too yeah it would be uh you know i think 69 might need to break off a little bit and then it'll just come naturally it'll just come naturally yeah come naturally back when it's forced uh-huh i think that's that's why maybe missionary is making a comeback yeah

Speaker 1 that's it yeah what's the number for missionary 11 11 yeah or like

Speaker 1 17.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I like 66, if you know what I mean. Oh, yeah, ass eating season.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there we go. Okay, so that's the new one.
Yeah, that's it.

Speaker 5 66.

Speaker 5 If you're not eating the ass,

Speaker 5 it's from behind.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, yeah, you're.

Speaker 5 Excuse me the same way.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're

Speaker 1 a little dog spoon. Yeah, speaking of me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, spooning.

Speaker 1 66 is spooning. 66.

Speaker 1 96 is spooning. Yeah, or you go 99 and while you're standing up.
Oh, right? Wouldn't that be it? Yeah, okay. Yeah, like ours.
Oh, no, that's, no, that you'd be

Speaker 1 fuck.

Speaker 2 Now I can't actually sitting down 17 would be you're both doing handstands. Come on, give me that.

Speaker 1 And somebody's

Speaker 2 going in from

Speaker 2 taking you from behind.

Speaker 1 99,

Speaker 1 that would be

Speaker 1 you're sitting,

Speaker 1 right?

Speaker 1 Like, that's six. I don't know.

Speaker 1 No, 99, you're doing handstands. Maybe that's a CrossFit workout.
Yeah, CrossFit workout. Yeah, where you're forcing all your yoga workouts.
You're handstanding each other.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that actually works. That's pretty good, right? That is.
That is.

Speaker 1 The new burpees.

Speaker 5 I always rated, so we, you know, the 69 jokes are getting all everything. But our rating scale, though, of the 69 jokes is like when, like, like a 619 or 689

Speaker 5 is the number that is the... The chick number is in the middle.
So if you're 619, you're 69 to 1.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So that's how we always rate it. I love it.

Speaker 5 So I was always 610.9.

Speaker 1 Yes, there you go. Yeah.
610.9. All right, we'll give it a break, though.

Speaker 5 And then I snuggle Goon once, and oh, man, that was a 6-12-9.

Speaker 1 Oh, 6-12-9. Damn.

Speaker 1 Have you, what's your favorite block?

Speaker 5 Oh, man. My favorite block.

Speaker 1 Gets you going on football. Oh, football.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're talking football?

Speaker 5 Yeah, no, that's the combo block. Yeah, yeah.
The combo block when the tackle's with me because the tackle's like my size, but then he's 50 pounds heavier.

Speaker 5 So it's like, like, if I can block the DN, this tackle who's 50 pounds heavier is going to be with me. It's a combo block where we work together, take the DN, and then go up to the linebacker.

Speaker 1 Do you have one block in mind that you were like, I fucking smoked that guy, and it felt awesome?

Speaker 5 Yeah, it was me and Trent Brown last year in the playoff game versus the Chargers. Okay.
Yeah, right off the edge, and Brex Burkhead went in for the touchdown right there.

Speaker 1 Who did you guys hit?

Speaker 1 It was DN.

Speaker 5 No, no, no.

Speaker 5 Another good player. Ingram? Yeah, yeah, he's a good player, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Real good player.
Not on that play.

Speaker 5 Yeah, well, you got Trent Brown and myself there. I mean, that's tough.

Speaker 1 He's six. He's a lot of players.

Speaker 5 No lie. Not even lie.

Speaker 5 I swear to you, Trent Brown is actually 6'9.

Speaker 2 See, now that's funny.

Speaker 1 Now that's funny. Yes, yes, because that's natural.

Speaker 1 Now we're talking.

Speaker 5 That's how we bring it back.

Speaker 1 We gotta stop forcing the 6'9 jokes.

Speaker 2 We were talking. Did you ever do like the little Hesse Hay thing where you'd be split out and you know that's gonna be a combo block, but you act like you're not gonna block and then boom?

Speaker 5 Yes, you do that too. And kind of on a pass route, too, you know, you gotta switch it up.
You can't give them the same look every time.

Speaker 5 But those are my favorite is when they think you're not you're going out for a route and then boom, you you get them. It's just an advantage.

Speaker 1 Do you like catching balls or blocking more?

Speaker 1 I didn't mean to phrase it that way because I know I'm careful.

Speaker 5 I know what you mean.

Speaker 1 Do you like to

Speaker 1 receive balls or block?

Speaker 1 Oh, man. Are you on the receiving end or the blocking end?

Speaker 5 All right. So, okay.

Speaker 5 We're talking.

Speaker 2 You like to stick your nose in there or

Speaker 5 take it? You know,

Speaker 5 I like to do both. You

Speaker 5 I go both ways in this category. Yes.
Because going out for a pass every time, I mean, that's 60 plays in a row. Imagine running up and down the field 60 times.
Yeah, I'm good on that.

Speaker 5 And then, you know, blocking too.

Speaker 5 It's hard work, but I like switching it up because running pass plays every time, that's not football. I believe in the true

Speaker 5 style of football. You got to run the ball.
You got to pass the ball.

Speaker 5 And if you can run the ball well, I believe that's why I got open a lot of times in the play action aspect of my career because we were blocking so well that when, you you know Tom goes back fakes the handoff all the linebackers come up it gets me wide open that's why sometimes you saw me wide open up the seam because we're blocking well right they're scared of the run so um i like doing both and uh but i would say if i had to pick one obviously i would go with receiving uh our our friend your friend julian edelman said that he would oftentimes when you guys were both going out for catches at the same time he would hear you

Speaker 1 like grunting and groaning running down the field but also laughing yes giggling while you're playing football yes at the beginning of my career i was always doing that I remember.

Speaker 5 Everyone, I don't know, it was always something natural. I remember that because in college,

Speaker 5 people on my team would start imitating me. Like,

Speaker 5 I'm Gronk running down the field. And they'd be like, they'd be imitating me laughing, and then they'd be grunting.
And then they'd be like,

Speaker 1 and I'd be like, damn, do I really look like that?

Speaker 1 But so you would just laugh uncontrollably while you're running a route in the middle of the NFL.

Speaker 5 Sometimes, if I'm feeling good, yes.

Speaker 1 That's amazing. Yeah.

Speaker 2 What was, I want to switch it up a little bit and talk about like old school Gronk growing up, like little baby Gronk. What was your favorite subject in school?

Speaker 5 Dang, my favorite subject? I would have to go with math, man. Really? Yeah, math was always my subject.

Speaker 5 And then one time, you know, in high school, I got like 95, so they moved me, it's 95 out of 100. So they moved me up to the, you know, the advanced math.
And I thought I was all sweet and everything.

Speaker 5 And I was going home bragging to my family because my brother Chris and them, I don't know, they're smart. They know how to do, they get like A's every time.
So I'm going home bragging.

Speaker 5 So then I go to the advanced math, and I swear it wasn't math anymore.

Speaker 5 It was no more numbers. It was like solved like this crazy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, signs and weird.

Speaker 5 Yeah, it was nuts. And after like two weeks, I just asked to go right back down to the normal math.

Speaker 2 Just dominate it.

Speaker 5 Yeah, and just dominate it and just enjoy it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, absolutely. Stay in your lane.

Speaker 5 Yeah, stay in my lane. Exactly.

Speaker 2 Between

Speaker 2 you and your brothers and the Watt brothers, who wins in like a battle royale?

Speaker 5 Man, that's a good battle. I mean, mean, they're aggressive.
I mean, they go hard too.

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 5 that's a battle for the ages. How many of them are there?

Speaker 1 There's

Speaker 1 three, three, yeah.

Speaker 5 Well, there's five of us.

Speaker 1 I'm going with us.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I'm going with us. There's a pack attack.
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 Would you, when you were growing up with all your brothers, were you just dominating them in all the sports, or was it pretty even?

Speaker 5 It was even because I was two years younger, right? So then it made it that even.

Speaker 1 So, oh,

Speaker 1 they're going to come.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're coming after me.

Speaker 1 I would imagine the Gronk household growing up, it was just like wrestling and playing sports 24-7.

Speaker 5 No, it really was. We had like, I swear, we had the best neighborhood growing up.
Grew up outside of suburb, outside in Buffalo. And we had like, my brothers had like 10 friends on the street.

Speaker 5 I had like five friends on the street. We all did.
And everyone would come over. We would go to their house.
And I swear, every single day, it was either mini sticks.

Speaker 5 It was either pickup basketball around the world, or it was backyard baseball. We had the best arena backyard baseball or it would just be a pick-me-up game.
We had a game called Zoom.

Speaker 5 Everyone would just put pillows in their shirt. Everyone would take a corner, four of us at the same time, and we'd run full speed into each other and whoever gets knocked out, knocked down would

Speaker 5 lose.

Speaker 5 That's awesome.

Speaker 1 That's what you guys got to do. You guys got to play Zoom.

Speaker 2 I want to play Zoom in here.

Speaker 1 We play a little Zoom.

Speaker 2 Because I was always thinking that if you grew up on the same block as the Gronkowskis, you would probably hate them because they would just kick your ass in every single sport.

Speaker 5 You know, it was even, but um, that's a lie.

Speaker 1 No, it kind of was because everybody was some guy, like there's some like 35-year-old guy in Buffalo right now.

Speaker 1 I got my fucking ass kicked every day.

Speaker 5 Actually, we, we all, everyone that grew up in that neighborhood, whenever you see each other, you remember that neighborhood because I mean, it was always competitive and it was kind of always fair because there was no such thing as an age group, I feel like it was just basically if you're under 10 years old, you're you're in the mix, right?

Speaker 5 Yeah, if you're four, you're you're still there, yeah, yeah, you're still there watching, you would you know hop in real quick whenever you can.

Speaker 5 Or if you're eight, whatever, 10 years old, everyone was together. And everyone that sees each other from that neighborhood, it was Londonderry Lane in Gettysville, New York, baby.

Speaker 5 And I swear, everyone that, whenever you see another person from that neighborhood, you always talk about us growing up because we had a blast.

Speaker 1 What's your wing place in Buffalo?

Speaker 5 You know, so everyone's crazy. Everyone's crazy about

Speaker 5 Anchor Bar and Duff's Wings. Yes.
And I would say that's more of like the tourism.

Speaker 1 The tourism goes out.

Speaker 5 So if you ever, you know, I actually never been to Duffs in my life, and I've been to Anchor Bar twice.

Speaker 1 This is good because the two that we like are not those. Really, really?

Speaker 2 Duffs is okay, but it's not.

Speaker 5 I have nothing against them. I would say they're great, but the thing is, everywhere in Buffalo has great wings.
Right.

Speaker 5 That's why, you know, it's just that the tourism people all, you know, coming in the Buffalo, everyone's like Anchor Bar, Duffs. Yeah, they're 100% great.
They have to be.

Speaker 5 They're in Buffalo and everyone knows about them. But if you just go to any corner store, store, any pizza joint, everyone has top-notch wings.

Speaker 1 Our favorites were Gabriel's Gate and Barbill.

Speaker 5 I never even heard of those two.

Speaker 1 Really? Fuck. Bar Bill is Buffalo than you.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Barbill is out towards like Orchard Park. That's where all the Bills, they all have their own mugs on the walls.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I never really been out to Orchard Park before. Only to play them in high school.
Yeah, I never actually been out there that way.

Speaker 1 You drink a lot of Mad Dog in Buffalo, growing up?

Speaker 5 Mad Dog.

Speaker 5 Growing up, I remember my older brother always partied with Mad Dog. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So it's a local delicacy.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I never had Mad Dog, I remember they used to always drink Mad Dog and then claim that their shits turn red. It happens sometimes.

Speaker 1 Is that true? Occasionally, I never had Mad Dog. Depending on the flavor, if you go Passion Fruit, if you go

Speaker 2 Bananas Jubilee, then yeah, sometimes. But then you go Bling Bling 2020 and it turns blue on the way out.
So it really depends on the flavor.

Speaker 5 I never.

Speaker 2 You should try.

Speaker 1 You should try. One thing I've always been curious about your career, your relationship with Belichick, because on a football level,

Speaker 1 you must be his favorite because you are a Hall of Famer, the best to ever play the tight end position. So on that level, you guys probably, I would assume, get along really well.

Speaker 1 Then on like you're on social media and he doesn't even know what social media is.

Speaker 1 How was your relationship with Bill Belichick and how did those two things kind of come together?

Speaker 5 We always had a great relationship. I mean, well, first off, I mean, there's a business side.
You got to understand that side.

Speaker 5 But outside of that, whenever you see him, I mean, we always had a great relationship outside.

Speaker 5 I feel like that's when he always like laughed at my jokes or something was like when we were at an event. Right.
Yeah, he would never laugh at him like at practice. He would get all mad.

Speaker 5 Like I'd be dancing on the side. I'd be, you know, during camp, I'd be doing something crazy with the fans and stuff.
I don't think he ever really liked that.

Speaker 5 But when like outside of football, we were at events and he sees me dancing, doing whatever, he's always laughing at that. So he takes it serious, man.
And I mean, he's the best coach ever.

Speaker 5 I mean, you can just tell, you know, and it's just unbelievable to play for him and learn from a guy like that just to see everything he does. But overall, man,

Speaker 5 you know, I made him laugh a few times. So

Speaker 5 I had a lot of compliments. Yeah, a lot of compliments.

Speaker 5 A lot of accomplishments.

Speaker 1 Did he ever sit down with you and like have a moment where he's like, hey, Gronk, you're the best tight end I've ever coached?

Speaker 5 No, not really. Really? Yeah, not really.

Speaker 1 Never fully let you.

Speaker 5 Never, not like that. No, no.
I mean, he's not a guy like that. I mean,

Speaker 5 I would say he keeps everyone humbled in there. Yeah.
And he gets everyone working hard. And, I mean, if you do it, I can give you, if you do it on a consistent basis every single week,

Speaker 5 he'll give you props. That's how.

Speaker 1 What does the props look like? Like, what does a Bill Belichick compliment look like?

Speaker 5 You know, he'll put you up on the screen,

Speaker 5 you know, show the plays like one week, the next week, the next week.

Speaker 5 And, you know, he'll just give you props in front of the whole team and telling you that the consistency, you know, the way of doing things, the detail, the focus, and he'll give you big props for for sure.

Speaker 2 What about Ernie Adams? Do you know what he does?

Speaker 5 Yeah, Ernie Adams is the man. First off, Ernie, he's a mystery to every rookie, I would say.
Like my rookie year, I'm always like, yo,

Speaker 5 who is this guy? Like, he's on the field every day. You know, I never really met him before, but he's on the field every day.
I walk by him all the time.

Speaker 5 And it took me like three years to learn who Ernie Adams was and, you know, how big of a role he plays and everything.

Speaker 5 But now I understand. He's just low-key and he's a beast.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Would he like pull you aside once, twice a year and say, hey, I saw this on tape, execute this, it'll work.

Speaker 5 Yo, I don't know how you know this inside info, but he did pull you aside. I

Speaker 1 told us.

Speaker 5 Yes, he pulls you aside about once a year and he gives you a tip.

Speaker 2 What was the best tip you ever gave you?

Speaker 5 You know, I think it was a while ago, and it was about the defense, about how they were going to play and how I was going to open up and get the ball.

Speaker 2 That's such a patriot answer.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That was more detail.
Yeah, That was all.

Speaker 5 He was just explaining defense, the coverage, and how it was going to open up. And then that play, like,

Speaker 5 get ready for the ball.

Speaker 5 And he just knows, they just know.

Speaker 1 Someday there's going to be a documentary about Ernie Adams. It's going to be the most fascinating.
It will be.

Speaker 2 My theory is that he's the guy that's in charge of deciding what Belichick's going to wear with the sleeves, all that shit.

Speaker 5 Maybe. But he knows defenses like no other.
He draws up defenses.

Speaker 5 That's one of the many things he does, but he's so good at it. And he just knows what he's doing.

Speaker 1 Did you ever make him laugh? I bet you Ernie Adams would like a good 69 joke.

Speaker 5 You know.

Speaker 5 If he ever laughed, he laughed behind doors.

Speaker 1 You never saw it happen. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Who was your best friend playing?

Speaker 5 Oh, you know, I loved when Chandler Jones was here.

Speaker 5 He always called himself, you know, white Gronk, and I was always, I was always, no, no, he would call himself Black Gronk, and I was always

Speaker 5 white Chandler Jones. I like that.
Yeah, he was 6'6, 260. He played defense then.
I played tight end. We just got along great, and we were both silly.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Did you ever lobby to get to be able to throw a pass in a game?

Speaker 5 You know, I never lobbied it. We tried one time

Speaker 5 about three years ago in camp. I launched it up, and it got intercepted.
But I swear, it was like everyone was dead tired. The receiver stopped halfway.
Oh, that's bullshit. Yeah, I know.

Speaker 5 But I think, you know, when I do come back week 14,

Speaker 5 it's because I got an arm now. That's right.

Speaker 1 See, man, like, how are you going to announce?

Speaker 1 How are you going to announce?

Speaker 1 How are you going to announce your comeback?

Speaker 5 I just did week 14.

Speaker 1 No, but like, are you going to do an Instagram post?

Speaker 5 You know, there's so many different options these days. Instagram posts, you can host an

Speaker 5 interview. You can have a press conference.
You can go on Twitter. There's some, you can come here.
Yeah. Part of my take.
There's so many different options to announce things these days.

Speaker 5 That's what, you know, you got to take advantage of it. That's what I did.
I took, I did, I just felt like it was right to announce my retirement online.

Speaker 5 I didn't feel like talking to anyone at the moment or anything. And I was just like, I need to get this over with.

Speaker 1 So it was just easy to post it online which was which was nice yeah you also announced today that you got signed by Ice Shaker which is

Speaker 5 that must have been tough signing considering the fact that your brother owns the company yes my brother owns a company he went on shark tank and a rod and Cuban invested and

Speaker 5 you know and then my brother asked if A-Rod would sell me the portion that he bought and and he he said yeah and no problem and which is cool he just asked if I would do something so I got to do A-Rod also investing investing in the Fit App.

Speaker 5 He asked if I was, if he sells me the ice shaker, if I'll do, if I'll be one of the coaches on the Fit App, so that's why I'm also getting so fit because I'm going to have to be one of the coaches.

Speaker 5 Now, knees up, knees up, you know, on his Fit App. So you can follow.
So I got to shoot that in like two months out in LA. So I got to do that.
And then I'm going on the Corp.

Speaker 1 Yep. Yep, you're on it too, right?

Speaker 5 So we'll be on that after, which is nice. And he sold me the part of Ice Shaker that

Speaker 5 he bought off my brother,

Speaker 5 which is really cool, man. He bought it from my brother on Shark Tank.
And then I bought the piece back from him. He made up pretty well, too.
Everyone made out. Everyone's happy, which is nice.

Speaker 5 And what's cool, though, is he let myself and my brother team up and become partners. So we're excited, man.

Speaker 5 I go to Dallas. I've been there about twice already this offseason.
We just sit there. He has a videographer, follows around working out, running stairs, biking, whatever, just doing promos.

Speaker 5 And he puts videos together and we just post them out. And that's how we made the announcement today, actually.
We had a little video, which was nice. And he works hard.
My brother works hard.

Speaker 5 And I just feel like it goes good together. Just, you know, it's around everything.
I like to do things that are, you know, fitness-wise in that industry. That's the way I'm headed.

Speaker 5 And, you know, what you know, protein, ice shaker, what

Speaker 1 goes great with it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I've got a business opportunity for you. Actually, I'm going to let you know right now, this is going to blow your socks off.

Speaker 2 You might as well just hand over like a hundred thousand dollars because you're going to love this. Okay, ready? So, I noticed that you just teamed up with a CBD company, right?

Speaker 5 Yeah, yeah, right there.

Speaker 2 And you got the shaker. My idea is a product called Brotein.
All right. So contained within protein, it's a post-workout drink.
It's got probably 55 grams of protein, real good stuff in there.

Speaker 2 It's basically a for loco because it's got some alcohol. It's got some caffeine, too.

Speaker 2 And it's got CBD in there to kind of cool down your joints, anti-inflammatory. So it's your post-workout recovery and your pre-game drink all rolled into one.
Protein.

Speaker 5 That really is protein.

Speaker 5 That is the best definition of protein.

Speaker 1 Are you for it? You would would drink that one.

Speaker 5 I would drink that. I would have to try it hands down.

Speaker 1 Did you bring your checkbook?

Speaker 5 Did I bring my checkbook?

Speaker 2 Wow, you guys. $99,000.
Just knock Grand off $99.

Speaker 1 Wow. You're robbing me.
I'm not off. That's pretty good.
That's a deal. I invested $100,000.

Speaker 5 I'm down. I'm down.
$99,000. I'm in.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I love it.

Speaker 5 I haven't even tried it. I'm in.

Speaker 2 Also, post-career in the NFL, you think about getting to the booth?

Speaker 5 You know,

Speaker 5 you've been asked a few times from actually a couple of the

Speaker 5 companies, TV networks, networks. There we go.

Speaker 5 That's the official business motto.

Speaker 2 You sound like you're ready for T V, yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 I do sound like I'm ready for T V. But no, no, I really haven't haven't really

Speaker 5 thought about it.

Speaker 1 But,

Speaker 5 you know, I I've been asked to do a couple of other things, like a couple of T V shows and stuff.

Speaker 5 And I've been asked to host a couple of shows, actually, with one with actually one with James Corbin, which would be pretty dope.

Speaker 5 He has this show called League of Their Own up in London, and he wants to bring it here. And he does it with three other athletes in London.
So it's been on for 10 seasons out there.

Speaker 5 So he wants to bring that here.

Speaker 5 So we're actually talking right now about doing that, which would be pretty dope, you know, shooting one episode a day or something, hosting that, you know, co-host with him because he's money at that.

Speaker 5 So there's a lot of opportunities out there. And, you know, I'm just going to go with opportunities I feel are right and that I feel like will be fun, that I feel like that I would enjoy doing.

Speaker 1 But you have to go back and play football.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I know, I know. You know, but that's all in November.

Speaker 5 Week 14.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's fine. You only work three months a year now.

Speaker 5 Week 14 is

Speaker 5 that's crazy, man. Like, I can do all this other work, and then I can show up week 14 and just go play football.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 Go host a TV show, come on part of my take, you know, go do pizza reviews, you know, go do an ice shaker commercial, go take some CBD, you know, it all goes together.

Speaker 1 And then he's still ready to go play. Yeah.
Did Tom Brady ever call you Babe?

Speaker 5 He calls a lot of people Babe.

Speaker 1 That's what I've heard.

Speaker 5 Yeah, yeah, he calls a lot of people.

Speaker 1 He's like, right? Yes, he does. So what was it? Did you make him laugh?

Speaker 1 I'd have to imagine you made Tom Brady laugh.

Speaker 5 Oh, yeah, I made Tom laugh a lot of times. Yeah.
Many, many times.

Speaker 1 What was it?

Speaker 1 Did you guys ever get to that point? I'm sure you did, but that point where he just knew exactly where you'd be anytime you needed a big play.

Speaker 1 I mean, you saw it in the Super Bowl against the Rams and in the AFC Championship game against the Chiefs when he just says, hey, Gronk, go get open and I'll get you.

Speaker 1 Like, did you guys have that kind of relationship?

Speaker 5 Yeah, yeah, definitely. I mean, I feel like Tom has this special power, and he, like, he, like, knows who's going to be open that play.

Speaker 5 Like, just from all the practice, just from reading the guys, being around them,

Speaker 5 you know, what type of route they run. That's why he loves practice so much.

Speaker 5 He gets to understand, you know, the type of receiver that he has, the type of breaks that they can do, and have the same timing and same connection with them. So that's what makes him so special.

Speaker 5 And that's why he can get anyone open because he knows exactly where they're going to be.

Speaker 5 So I've just always felt, I always just knew that he knew when I was going to be open, and he always hit me, you know, whenever I was.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 What is your best spike of all time?

Speaker 5 Oh, the best spike of all times.

Speaker 1 Oh, man.

Speaker 1 Good question. What one? London.
Oh, yeah, you do good.

Speaker 5 Hands down with the London.

Speaker 5 You know, that one was from Chandler Jones. We had a night before, we were in the training room, and I was like, yo, what should my touchdown dance be?

Speaker 5 Because that was, you know, my crazy days, like 24 years old. I had all that energy going on still.
You know, I didn't mind getting yelled at whenever I did a little celebration. So I did the London

Speaker 5 changing changing of the guard. And I swear that was a good one.
I like that one.

Speaker 1 Did you get yelled at for it?

Speaker 5 No, no, it was too good to get yelled at.

Speaker 5 That one was too. Well, I got yelled at the booty shaking one that day.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was a good one.

Speaker 5 I said, yeah, the booty-shaking one right after I was shaking my booty around.

Speaker 5 I was like, you know, the first one was fine.

Speaker 5 Did Billy got to shake your booty on the second one?

Speaker 1 Belcheck yelled you for that?

Speaker 5 A little bit.

Speaker 1 Did he say booty? Like, hey, you shaking your booty? That would have been a hilarious mic up.

Speaker 5 No, he didn't say shake your booty.

Speaker 1 Please don't shake your booty.

Speaker 5 Yeah, that would have been funny if he said booty.

Speaker 1 Rob, stop twerking. Stop twerking.
Yeah, he said so.

Speaker 5 Yeah, Rob, stop twerking.

Speaker 1 Stop with the booty stuff.

Speaker 1 Rob, stop twerking. Oh, man.

Speaker 1 All right. I have two last questions.
The first is, you were talking about the injuries that you had to deal with and the whole Andrew Luck retiring.

Speaker 1 Your leg injury that you got in the Super Bowl, that was the most regular football play ever.

Speaker 1 So what exactly happened? Your quad, you basically like strained it or what exactly happened?

Speaker 5 I don't know. So I was gonna, so I cut inside on the play from the defender.
So then the linebacker had full speed, a nice angle on me.

Speaker 5 And when he went to the tackle, like he, his helmet, he went low, and his helmet hit right here. Like, you probably can't tell.
And I flipped in the air.

Speaker 1 It looks totally normal.

Speaker 5 Yeah, it looked totally normal. I saw the hit.

Speaker 5 You know, it looks totally normal, like a normal hit, but if you look carefully, like slow speed, his helmet went directly into my thigh and like full speed. It was from a beast, too.
Middleton.

Speaker 5 He can hit. He's running full speed.
And that's when it happened. And right when it happened, I was like, damn, another quad contusion.

Speaker 1 So and then it's just all adrenaline from that point on?

Speaker 5 Yeah, basically. I mean, the thing sucked.
At halftime already, it was already blown up like that big, and I had to just keep on moving it at halftime.

Speaker 5 Because if you stop, if you let it be for like, you know, five minutes, then that stiffens up on you right away. So I just had to keep it moving.

Speaker 5 And then 10 minutes after the game, it stiffened right up.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'd imagine. And when Andrew Luck retired, there was obviously a bigger conversation about it, but I'm sure you can relate to a lot of the

Speaker 1 injury, rehab, injury, rehab cycle that you get into.

Speaker 1 Mentally, it must kind of drain you more than anything.

Speaker 5 Oh, yeah, it drains you like crazy. That injury, rehab, injury, rehab.
I mean, that's like the worst cycle you can be doing. I mean, who wants to be injured, rehab, injured, rehab?

Speaker 5 I mean, it takes away your energy. It takes away your joy from it all.

Speaker 5 But, I mean,

Speaker 5 it is what it is. I mean, it's a game of football, though.
I mean, you know, which is which football is amazing. I mean, that's why everyone loves it so much because of all the hits.

Speaker 5 But it is what it is, man. And, you know, you got to find ways.
That's when, you know, people learn, like, find ways to go down.

Speaker 5 That's why you see sometimes people go down before they get tackled, which is smart.

Speaker 5 I mean, why take on four guys at one time when you're not going to beat four guys in the NFL if they're directly in front of you? You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Right. Yeah.

Speaker 2 My last question. Have you gotten the Lombardi trophy repaired yet?

Speaker 5 No, no, I haven't. And I was there last night.
Those six trophies were there, and the dent is still there. And it's going to, I talked to Mr.
Kraft, and he said he's going to keep it.

Speaker 5 Yeah, he said he's going to keep it. Okay.

Speaker 2 That's actually kind of cool because it's like a little piece of Gronk is always going to be in the trophy case, right?

Speaker 5 Yes, yes. He said that

Speaker 5 it's going to stay like that. And it's just to honor my career.
And I told him, thank you, man. That's pretty dope.

Speaker 1 Did you tell him? I saw the picture. I saw the picture of you and Jonathan Kraft.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 5 You just

Speaker 1 took your shirt off? Yeah, yeah. Did you see this? It was like

Speaker 5 six trophies. You know, we had all these, like, he had all the, you know, that pregame party he has.
You probably all heard about it, like, Up Needa trophies.

Speaker 5 You get to walk the hallway of, like, seeing all

Speaker 5 the decorations of all the pictures, the championships all won, the divisions all won.

Speaker 5 And he has all like the CEOs of, you know, CEOs of all the top

Speaker 1 companies,

Speaker 1 companies, networks, networks, whatever.

Speaker 5 And they're all in there, and they all start leaving. And I'm like,

Speaker 5 and I'm like, all right, perfect time to take my shirt off.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 5 I didn't want to do it in front of everyone. Because actually, there's a couple of CEO,

Speaker 5 older, nice ladies, and they saw it, and they started running over.

Speaker 1 They're like, oh, can I get a picture, too?

Speaker 5 And I was like, wow, this is getting crazy.

Speaker 1 All I did was take my shirt off.

Speaker 5 So then

Speaker 5 just took the picture. And then Jonathan Kraft hopped in.
He's like, that's a great picture. I was like, I know, come on in.
And then we took it.

Speaker 1 It's such a funny picture.

Speaker 5 I just thought it was a great picture. But the next picture, I was thinking last night, like, my brother was like, yo, you need one more picture now.
I was like, what's that?

Speaker 5 He's like, you did it with Mr. Kraft's song.
He goes, you need a picture. You need to one-up that picture.
I was like, how do I do that?

Speaker 5 I already knew in the back of my mind how I can one-up it.

Speaker 5 And he's like, you got to take a picture with Mr. Kraft now with both of you back there.
But he's got to have his shirt off, too.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. That would be incredible.
Would that be incredible? That would be incredible.

Speaker 1 It was just such a funny visual because when I see a picture like that, I'm like, the idea of Gronk either waiting for everyone to leave or asking someone, like, hey, mind if I just take my shirt off real quick?

Speaker 1 I want to pop this picture. Yeah,

Speaker 1 just my abs.

Speaker 5 I just whipped it off.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you never asked. Yeah,

Speaker 1 you never asked. You have to not ask.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I just took it off. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. Last, last question.
Seeki question, promo code take, $10 off. Go seek Gronk play in the NFL week 14.
Promo code take.

Speaker 1 Hank, do you have any questions? I feel like you got to have at least one question for Gronk. Oh, all right.
You think of it. I'll ask ask one last one.

Speaker 1 Do you remember the figure skating competition we did? Yes, I do. I want to say thank you again because you were coming off an ACL and you were walking on ice to judge.
Walking on ice.

Speaker 1 Idiots doing the dumbest figure skating competition ever. And then I always tell people this, who ask, like, what's Gronk like?

Speaker 1 You hung out with us in the locker room and we just shot the shit for like an hour after.

Speaker 5 Yes, we did.

Speaker 1 Just laughing at each other's jokes.

Speaker 5 Yo, that was funny, though, that figure skating.

Speaker 5 You guys were hilarious.

Speaker 1 It was, I mean, my floor routine. I just rolled around.

Speaker 5 It was actually impressive, though, because you guys actually had routines. That's what made it nice.
I thought you guys were just going with the flow right there, but you had routines.

Speaker 1 It was nice.

Speaker 2 Before Hank jumps in real quick, I've got the schedule in front of me. Okay.
Week 14, this is perfect. We're on to Cincinnati.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's the Bengals.

Speaker 5 That's like, that's, you know, that's like

Speaker 1 that. Can you tweet? We're on the floor.

Speaker 5 That's when we lost Kansas City, Monday Night Football. Everyone was done.
And then Bill's quotes, we're on to Cincinnati.

Speaker 2 And guess who you're playing the week before?

Speaker 1 The Chiefs. Oh, wait.

Speaker 2 And we're on to Cincinnati.

Speaker 1 Cincinnati. Can you do us a favor? Because we did this with Blake Griffin, and it would definitely work with you.
Can you tweet the eyeball emoji tomorrow night, right before the podcast drops?

Speaker 1 And then when people get to this point of the podcast, they're going to feel like idiots because they're going to think you're coming back. But really, we're just making.

Speaker 5 What's the eyeball emoji? What does that mean?

Speaker 1 It's just an eyeball emoji. Look out.
Something's happening. Oh, look out.
Yeah. People will assume it's you coming back, but it's really you just coming on part of my team.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, yeah, that for sure will be. Okay, Okay, so you're gonna tweet that tomorrow like seven o'clock, seven o'clock.
You got that, you got that.

Speaker 1 Did I tell Goose? That's actually got it.

Speaker 5 That's a great idea.

Speaker 1 We did it with because this is big news. Yes, this is big news.
This is huge news.

Speaker 5 Part of my tank.

Speaker 1 We did this with bigger than coming back week 14. Yes, yes, exactly.
Exactly. This is where it's at.
Yes. People will flip out and be like, what the hell's going on?

Speaker 1 And then when they get to this part of the podcast, they'll feel really stupid. Shit, no, they'll feel great.

Speaker 5 He's coming back week 14.

Speaker 1 Week 14. He's coming back.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 All right. Hey, Patrick.
Gronk.

Speaker 1 I mean, I got nothing. He's got nothing.
You got nothing. All right.
He's got it. Besides, when I'm coming back, week 14 over there.
Week 14.

Speaker 1 Gronk, thank you so much, man. This was a ton of fun.
We pressed it. Yeah, no, this was great.
Yeah, we've always been fans of you.

Speaker 1 And we actually were trying, I think, a couple of years ago to get you on

Speaker 1 June 9th.

Speaker 5 So we'll do that maybe next year. All right, I'm down.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know, a little.

Speaker 1 We're not going to make the joke.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I don't even know what June 9th is.

Speaker 5 We know. It just sounds good.

Speaker 2 Yeah, just a good part of the summer.

Speaker 1 It's a cool day. Yeah, it's a cool day.

Speaker 5 Like, what is it, Wednesday?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's like a Wednesday or something. It's always exactly.
Who cares, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who cares?

Speaker 2 That interview with Rob Bronkowski was brought to you by Peloton. Summer is finally here.
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You can't start in April.

Speaker 2 I've tried that before. It doesn't work.
There's a lot of stuff that gets in the way. Mostly the NCAA tournament where you spend like four weeks on your couch eating bad food.

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I've been using it recently, actually.

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Speaker 1 Okay, let's get to some segments.

Speaker 1 First up, we have... By the way, wouldn't it be funny if Gronk then like over the top trolled us and actually came back?

Speaker 2 That'd be amazing. Is this as part of his plan all along?

Speaker 1 He's just like, I'm just going to troll the trolls.

Speaker 2 He's like A-B, like in all the different steps that he's thought ahead.

Speaker 1 Yeah. First up, we have Just Chill Out, Man.

Speaker 1 Mike Greenberg said, what we just witnessed is the most unprofessional act that I can ever remember seeing in professional sports. Talking about Antonio Brown.

Speaker 2 Just chill out, Mike Greenberg.

Speaker 1 A little

Speaker 1 overstated there, Mikey.

Speaker 2 You remember when LeBron James flashed the world? His penis?

Speaker 1 Yep. Yeah.
You remember that?

Speaker 2 Mike Greenberg has a lot of balls to say this when he's been a fan of Northwestern football.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
And the Jets. How about remember when, we're not even going to do like the crimes? How about when Brian Colangelo had a burner account? Yeah.
Good thing. That was pretty unprofessional.

Speaker 1 Pretty unprofessional.

Speaker 2 Damn.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Mike, listen, if there's one thing Mike Greenberg will not tolerate, it's forcing your way out of a contract by getting into a dispute with a guy named Mike to make more guaranteed money across the country.

Speaker 1 That one cut deep.

Speaker 2 You can only do that if they're giving you your own morning show.

Speaker 1 Yes, exactly. In New York City.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Because that's kind of nice.
You get to move to New York City.

Speaker 1 I didn't think you'd go there to get your hero, but you did it.

Speaker 2 Well, he's the one that made fun of my songs unintentionally.

Speaker 1 Yes, that's true.

Speaker 2 Consider ourselves even, Green.

Speaker 1 It is pretty funny, though. Maybe

Speaker 6 now that you think about it, just the current

Speaker 1 contractor. You kind of did the same thing.

Speaker 1 You got more money and ran away from your longtime close. Okay.

Speaker 1 So, Sabermetrics, KD.

Speaker 2 Yes. Kevin Durant's changing his number to seven.

Speaker 1 Sleven.

Speaker 2 Seven. Because he says it stands for completion in the Bible.

Speaker 2 So I guess Katie always has some weird reasons for changing.

Speaker 7 Is there a numbers like

Speaker 7 translator in the Bible that I missed?

Speaker 2 No, I did look it up. So the number seven

Speaker 1 box.

Speaker 2 The number seven is featured in the book of Revelation. There are seven churches, seven angels, seven seals, seven trumpets, seven stars.
Again, ring chasing, going to a team with all the superstars.

Speaker 2 The Quran speaks of seven heavens, and Muslim pilgrims walk around the Kaaba in Mecca, which is Islam's most sacred site, seven times.

Speaker 7 But where does it say seven equals completion?

Speaker 2 That's what I don't get. I'm just, listen, just let KD have his interpretation.

Speaker 1 Go with it. Right.

Speaker 2 So he's just.

Speaker 2 In Buddhism.

Speaker 7 Illegally sourcing his material.

Speaker 2 Yes, he's plagiarizing God.

Speaker 1 He went on Napster and got this.

Speaker 2 He downloaded.

Speaker 2 He downloaded seven. It was labeled as seven completions, but it turns out it was just the book of Revelations.
It was mislabeled.

Speaker 2 Also, the newborn Buddha rises and takes seven steps when the new Buddha is born.

Speaker 1 That's it? Right out, yeah.

Speaker 2 Baby's first traveling violation.

Speaker 1 Feels like a weird word. No, not in the NBA.
Yeah, crab dribble. Yeah, come on.
That's not even close. Yeah, that's called a James Harden stepback.

Speaker 2 I mean, it's pretty obvious that he chose seven because it rhymes with Kevin.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Seven and seven. Seven Durant.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there we go.

Speaker 2 Okay, good job, Katie.

Speaker 1 Slim Reaper.

Speaker 2 It should have been the Durantula.

Speaker 1 The Slim Reaper is the greatest nickname that never was.

Speaker 1 All right, we'll do PMT Sports Business, Sports Biz Minute with Jake, and then we have Guys on Chicks.

Speaker 9 Good morning, this is Jake Marsh with the PMT Sports Biz Minute.

Speaker 9 The NFL's most hyped-up team in the Browns may be off to a rough start, but despite losing by 30, Odell Beckham still unleashed the swag on the field by wearing a $350,000 watch made by Richard Neal.

Speaker 9 Wristwatches were actually first designed for women. It became fashionable for men to start wearing them around the start of the First World War.

Speaker 9 Today's guest, Rob Bronkowski, noted that his favorite spike from his NFL career so far came during a London game back in 2012.

Speaker 9 Of Gronk's 91 career touchdowns, he's confirmed to have spiked the ball on at least 80% of his trips to the end zone.

Speaker 9 And just so we're clear on what defines a Gronk spike, according to Urban Dictionary, it's the action of forcing an object, usually a football, into the ground with tremendous force, or because you're fucking hammered and felt like doing it anyways.

Speaker 9 That's your PMT Sports This Minute, Mr. Cat, Mr.
Commentary.

Speaker 1 Back to you. you.
Okay, we finish up our show with our good friend, Uncle Chaps. Been a while.

Speaker 1 He's here to read us guys on the show.

Speaker 8 Except that I was mad at you, or you were mad at me.

Speaker 1 Who? People on the internet. I was never mad at you.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 8 I got tagged a couple times. Like, is everything okay with you and Big Cat and PFT? Because you're never on PM.

Speaker 1 I mean, your eye clues me out.

Speaker 2 There were a lot of rumors. You do look like.

Speaker 2 You got kind of the Joe Biden look going on right now.

Speaker 1 It's just hard to, like. Yes.

Speaker 1 I know it's not contagious. Is it contagious?

Speaker 2 No, but it contagious.

Speaker 8 my mood is bad, and so

Speaker 1 it affects the people that I'm around. I'm just nervous that you're around me right now.

Speaker 8 I would be too. And what I honestly, Roan is like the nicest dude in the world.
But yesterday, he was standing there and we were talking.

Speaker 1 I just wanted to kill myself because he looked at me

Speaker 8 and he was like staring directly at it, but not acting like he was.

Speaker 1 So he just kept looking in my eyes.

Speaker 2 When I first had the conversation when Chaps got here, I had a long conversation with him, but I thought that it was something that everyone already knew about.

Speaker 2 That I was late finding out, so I didn't want to be rude and bring up the eye.

Speaker 1 See, I was thinking about the eye, I just did the hey, chaps, your eye looks great right off the bat.

Speaker 8 And that was the wrong thing to do.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, I thought maybe giving you a little, you should go eye patch.

Speaker 2 I was about to say, like, that shit up.

Speaker 8 But I don't want to steal pirate culture. Like, I think that in a canceled society, you'd look

Speaker 1 canceled. The tattoos, the beard, the eye patch.

Speaker 2 You know what? You would swagger Jack Crenshaw for being the vet with the eye patch.

Speaker 1 That's true. Yeah.
Okay, so before we do guys on checks, Nick Foles injured. Were you even able to get excited for the Nick Foles era?

Speaker 8 Well, to be completely honest, my excitement about the Nick Foles era was completely fake. It was fake.
Really?

Speaker 8 I thought that he was going to be a bust.

Speaker 1 You were thinking about Blake Bortles the whole time.

Speaker 8 I thought that he was going to be a huge bust in Jacksonville, where...

Speaker 8 Like, everything was perfect for him in the Eagles system.

Speaker 8 He didn't have that in Jacksonville where you have probably an average, maybe a little bit below-average receiving core, where the Eagles are the opposite, where he wasn't elevating anybody else.

Speaker 8 He was just getting the ball out on time and things like that. I thought maybe he could do that in Jacksonville, rely on the defense.

Speaker 8 But almost any quarterback who's accurate could do that, so I think Gardner is going to be okay.

Speaker 1 I like Gardner.

Speaker 2 I like his accuracy. He's like a poor man's Chad Pennington.

Speaker 1 He's like a poor man's Sam Bradford.

Speaker 2 If Chad Pennington was more of a Chad and less of a tofer, he's like more Chad than Chad Pennington.

Speaker 8 There was a throw that he had this weekend that gave me really high hopes. Was it like eight yards? No, it was like a 25-yard out.
It was a 25-yard

Speaker 1 comeback.

Speaker 6 He's a Mike Leach guy.

Speaker 8 He let it go whenever Conley was on the 15. Hadn't even turned around yet, a little comeback route.

Speaker 1 Nice.

Speaker 8 And it was on him

Speaker 8 as soon as Connolly turned around, he turned around for a touchdown.

Speaker 1 Oh, nice.

Speaker 8 I was like, wow, you don't see a six-round draft pick, a guy that didn't really have that many reps in major Division I college football make that throw.

Speaker 1 Washington State, dude. He only played there like one year.
Yeah, one year.

Speaker 2 He's awesome. You know what I like about him a lot is he wears these big polo shirts that don't fit.

Speaker 2 And I think anytime you get a quarterback that doesn't dress themselves properly, it's a good thing for their, like, Peyton Manning never put on a shirt that fit him. Kyle Orton.
Never wore a shirt.

Speaker 8 But it is kind of bullshit that Gardner is that level of handsome that he can make himself like put the goofiest facial hair. He could wear whatever he wants to, and he still looks.

Speaker 1 I wish his name was something different.

Speaker 1 If he was like Billy Minshew,

Speaker 1 Tommy Minshewer, I don't know. He seems like a Y guy.

Speaker 2 He feels like he should. Gardy?

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 Gardy Minshew. Yeah, that works too.

Speaker 2 Gardasil.

Speaker 1 Gardasil Minshew.

Speaker 1 Chaps,

Speaker 1 you have guys on chicks. I do.
You're going to read it with your good eye. Okay.

Speaker 1 And I want to say to everyone. Oh, what?

Speaker 7 Some clarification because I actually don't even really know what you're talking about with the eye.

Speaker 1 He was cleaning his dog's asshole. No, that's not.

Speaker 2 He really gets in there.

Speaker 8 So what actually happened.

Speaker 8 Dan, is that I have banana-induced pink eye. A few months ago, about a year and a half ago, I did a facial mask with a mashed up banana because I had heard that it will make your skin clean.

Speaker 1 This is not real.

Speaker 8 No, it is real. I put it on the website.
I put it on Barcelona Sports. If you look at Banana Mask Chaps, you'll see the video.
I actually did it. And my skin looked great for like three days.

Speaker 8 But then afterwards, my eye got really infected. I always refused to go to the doctor, waited too long.

Speaker 8 My eye was infected for so long that now it's like a caruroid underneath my eyelid where I have to get the scar removed.

Speaker 2 All from a banana.

Speaker 8 Yeah, it's banana-induced pink eye. So when people.

Speaker 1 So, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 2 Let's not slander bananas here because it seems to me like not slander, it's science.

Speaker 2 It could have been anything that was mashed up, that was smeared into your eyeball that would have gotten infected.

Speaker 1 I'm watching,

Speaker 8 but the potassium level of bananas is higher, which causes it clogged up.

Speaker 2 It didn't help.

Speaker 1 You looked so good with two good eyes. I looked

Speaker 1 at now it's four.

Speaker 8 Honestly, the amount of sex that I have has gone down so much because anytime you look deeply in somebody's eyes like my wife, I think she wants to vomit.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You look like the guy out of spoons. Always sunny or something about Mary when he gets all the boils on his face.
They're called love blisters. Yeah, that's you.

Speaker 1 Okay, guys on chicks.

Speaker 8 Okay, guys on chicks. Sup, Big Cat and Packers Owner PFT.

Speaker 8 Thanks to you two and Hank after listening to the podcast where Hank said he could catch a fish with his bare hands.

Speaker 8 My husband has spent every trip to the lake sitting in the back of the boat throwing Doritos into the lake, claiming he's chumming the waters. He's seen two fish and swears he's close to grabbing one.

Speaker 8 It's a waste of time and more important, Doritos. Please stop him as it's impossible.

Speaker 2 Okay, quit going after the fish. No, it is impossible.
If you're a bear, it can work.

Speaker 2 If they're swimming upstream, I don't think the fish are going to jump out of the water for Dorito that's floating on the top of it.

Speaker 1 This isn't a waste of time, though. This just sounds like fishing.
Like every time you fish, I mean most of the time. When you fish, you just sit there and wait for a fish.

Speaker 8 The worst thing that's going to happen, you're going to continue not to catch fish. The The best thing that happens, you catch a fish.
Right. You get that on video once.

Speaker 8 That's all you need to talk about. You don't have to talk about the thousand times you missed.
Right. You caught a fish with your brain.

Speaker 1 With Doritos. Right.
The hell of a Dorito.

Speaker 2 You know what's a lot of fun is trying to catch a duck from the side of a boat? Like a duck that's swimming by. You know, you chum the water a little bit with some breadcrumbs or something like that.

Speaker 2 You'll never catch a duck, though.

Speaker 6 They're way too quick.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You're trying to catch ducks?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. From the side of a boat, you jump off into the water on a day on the lake.
It's a lot of fun.

Speaker 1 Are you a Labrador?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 2 you never get your hands on them. They're too quick.
They're too slippery. They'll fly away.

Speaker 8 There was this place in Florida called Strickland's Lake, and they had like an eight-foot platform that you could jump off into the water, and I would always bring bread and throw it under there.

Speaker 8 There'd be brim. And I used to always want to kill the fish to bring them to the side and basically kill a fish with my butt cheeks.

Speaker 2 You wanted to smother a fish with your asshole? Yes.

Speaker 1 Okay. It'd be one way to go.

Speaker 2 You'd certainly get a nasty case of pink on it. Yeah.
Wow.

Speaker 2 All right. You give every fish in that particular lake conjunctivitis.

Speaker 8 Yeah, I honestly feel bad for the people that are going to stay in the hotel after me because I've been using like a

Speaker 1 rag face wash. Oh, geez.

Speaker 8 That's worse than I usually do at a hotel with the rags.

Speaker 2 Make sure to just use every single pillow in that place too.

Speaker 8 All right, you want me to read the next one?

Speaker 1 Yeah, all right, here we go.

Speaker 8 This is the first football season my boyfriend and I have been together for. He's a Jets fan and he said he wanted to watch the game alone.

Speaker 8 After they lost, I texted him asking if he wanted me to come over. He said no because he was too depressed.
I offered him a BJ to make him feel better. He told me, I have no sex drive right now.

Speaker 8 Asked when he would have. He said, maybe never again.
Is this what I have to deal with for football season?

Speaker 1 As a Jets fan, yes.

Speaker 2 It's over. Yeah.
As a Pats fan, it's awesome.

Speaker 2 Everything just increases. Have you ever said no to Florida?

Speaker 2 Have I ever said no to what? Sex? To sex? I've said no to sex. People forget one time Dontre Willis was pitching, and I said, no, I'd rather go watch this guy just twirl Jim up there.

Speaker 8 The only time I ever have is after a Spartan race.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I was just way too sore.
Yes. All the Spartan races you do.

Speaker 8 How many many have you done? I've done one, but I didn't even really complete it because I rolled my ankle pretty bad. So I walked like the last three.

Speaker 1 Do you have the bumper sticker?

Speaker 8 No, it's on the bumper. I should get it.

Speaker 1 I should have shit on there.

Speaker 1 But just only put like half the bumper sticker.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this guy,

Speaker 1 this girl who texted in, it's over.

Speaker 1 Like, you have to just deal, know that in some days in the fall, your boyfriend is a Jets fan, he's going to be depressed, I'd say, what, like, seven out of ten times?

Speaker 2 Seven out of ten times. Probably more than that.
I would say, if you're a Dolphins fan, probably nine out of 16 times.

Speaker 1 You're going to have a bad time. Nine? Oh, you're going to be a good one.

Speaker 2 You're going to be depressed nine out of 16 times.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so just date a Patriots fan.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 8 Or a Jax fan.

Speaker 1 Or a Darks fan. Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 8 So that fella, especially Slim Cat. My friend broke out with his 2.5-year girlfriend over the summer, who happens to be my friend.
Now they fucked multiple times.

Speaker 8 She's completely not over him, but he doesn't think it's a big deal. I don't want to pick a side, but I don't know what to do.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 So they're still kind of together. Sounds like your buddy's having a good time.

Speaker 1 Okay, here's what you do: you get

Speaker 1 you have to get a big knife and present it to them while they're fucking and be like, you guys can either cut me in half and both get a half, or what is it? How does it go? It's Solomon. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 The question is Solomon.

Speaker 2 It's cut me in half, and I want you guys to each share me. Yes.
And then the one person that says, no, I don't want to saw chaps down the middle.

Speaker 2 Although, the person that's getting the bad eye, I think, knows that they're the one.

Speaker 1 Oh, you would cut him like that? Oh, vertically, yeah. You'd cut him right at the stomach.

Speaker 2 You want his ass?

Speaker 5 Yeah, I'll take his ass.

Speaker 1 My ass thinks, too.

Speaker 1 All right, well, I'll do it. Okay, so yeah, you're you.

Speaker 2 Cut the man in half.

Speaker 1 Whoever you've been friends with longer.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 2 here's how it's going to work:

Speaker 2 the guy is going to hang out with his buddy still. And then if his girl, that's a friend, ever hits him up late night with a U up, he'll go hang out with her.

Speaker 2 So, really, days are for the boys, nights are for the men.

Speaker 1 Nice.

Speaker 1 You like that?

Speaker 2 How are you getting back, Chaps? Are you taking a red eye or

Speaker 1 okay?

Speaker 8 What's up, PMP boys? Especially Uncle Daddy Chaps, my BF, and I have been dating a little over a year, and he really wants the 69.

Speaker 8 I told him we'll do it eventually, but apparently that was not a good enough answer. He started growing out of mustache, I hate mustaches, and said that he'll shave as soon as we 69.

Speaker 8 But it's gotten to the point where I'm starting to find it amusing at how badly he wants the 69. Should I give in and 69 or keep holding out because nobody thinks that you can blackmail me into 69ing?

Speaker 2 Okay, first of all, he should shave the mustache before you 69 would be my advice.

Speaker 1 Why is it taking a year? It's a 69? Yeah, it's a long time.

Speaker 2 I kind of like where this is at, though, because since it's been on the shelf for so long, now it's a big thing. And he's going to keep wanting it and wanting it.

Speaker 2 So you can keep delaying when you're going to give it to him.

Speaker 8 Also, 69ing is a seven-date move.

Speaker 1 Also, date number seven. Also, because

Speaker 1 that's very specific about

Speaker 1 because you you know, I mean, you don't.

Speaker 1 Go through the first seven. Well, like, give us the first seven.

Speaker 8 The first date, you're probably doing some heady petting, maybe even just like hand-holding to really get your heart flowing.

Speaker 1 Yep. Because I don't like to fuck with the first date like that.
I'm not a slut.

Speaker 1 We don't slut shame.

Speaker 8 I don't, but sometimes. Yeah.
So, second date, probably the first time that we're just going to do missionary. I'm excited to be in a new vagina.

Speaker 1 Second date. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 8 So I was excited to be in some new vagina. So I'm a nut real early.
And then I've probably drank too much to get us to that point, so I'm probably going to fall asleep really quickly.

Speaker 1 Okay, third date.

Speaker 8 Third, we perfect it, fifth, we break out doggy,

Speaker 8 fourth was just maybe like just regular sex, a repeat of date number three. Okay, so and then we have six is going to be experimental stuff, new positions.

Speaker 8 Maybe just try to ask her if she wants to do reverse cowgirl. Yeah.
Seventh date, let's do a 69.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 8 But it's going to be 69 with a caveat that she's on top because she's not ready for my butthole by eight.

Speaker 1 That's date 12. She's not ready for the body weight.
Yeah, that's date 21. Okay.
What about

Speaker 2 side by side?

Speaker 1 I still haven't tried that.

Speaker 2 Have you ever seen that show, The Americans? There was one episode that, for some reason, the daughter walks into the room and just Carrie Russell is 69 with her husband sideways.

Speaker 2 And she catches them doing that. I think that's probably the most traumatic thing you can see your parents doing.

Speaker 8 Yeah, and that's just a terrible position of 69.

Speaker 1 Yeah, really. The legs are.

Speaker 1 Yeah, chaps, what date number are you on with your wife?

Speaker 8 We've had sex well over 1,500 times.

Speaker 1 Wow. That's impressive.
Yeah.

Speaker 8 Next month will be 10 years of marriage.

Speaker 1 That's a record.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Do you have like a bedroom wall that's got tallies on it, like a jail that you've been in?

Speaker 8 Something really special is going down for 2,000, but I'll keep that for the next time I come on.

Speaker 2 Side by side, 69.

Speaker 1 Nice, nice. But the answer to this question is: he wants a 69 so bad, just do it because he'll come right away.

Speaker 8 If you're not 69 by the first year, you're never going to do it. You need to find a new lover.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's my advice. Or just announce that you're not a 69 couple.

Speaker 8 Because 69 for some people is very, very important.

Speaker 1 Is it? Yeah. Gronk.

Speaker 1 On this show. Yeah.

Speaker 1 no, but it's not cool anymore.

Speaker 2 Gronk's cool down to a little bit.

Speaker 1 I would say saying it isn't a joke. Yeah, I'd say Gronk's still 69.

Speaker 8 69 is probably the porn category that could use the most work, too.

Speaker 1 Yes. It is very underrepresented.
Yeah. Represented.

Speaker 2 Represented. Because there's no one good camera angle for it.

Speaker 1 Have you ever done a POV 69?

Speaker 2 It's just butthole.

Speaker 1 It's like a GoPro on the butthole.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you just get... Oh, from the butthole is porn.

Speaker 1 You put a GoPro on your back

Speaker 1 facing up.

Speaker 8 Or what about one of those spy cams that you could just tape to your forehead, like right in between your eyes?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's one of the cams, and the other one is right on the tippy top of your butt crack facing towards your feet.

Speaker 2 So it's just two cameras.

Speaker 1 You can see a nose and a nose.

Speaker 2 It's just two cameras touching each other.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 8 You could probably even put one on the end of a butt plug, actually put it in your ass.

Speaker 1 Oh, in the 60s. Yeah, now you're going to be able to get it.
We're just talking about punch genre. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Oh, for the 69 videos.

Speaker 1 So it could be in the 90s. You're going to have an elevated angle.
Got it. Coming back.
Got it.

Speaker 8 Right, because you need to have a good view. Yeah.

Speaker 8 Sup, boys, especially Big Cat.

Speaker 8 Last weekend at a wedding, my boyfriend was too excited about the band saxophone player playing Careless Whisperer. He picked me up, slipped, and my head went into a column.
I have a black eye.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 8 It could be so much worse.

Speaker 8 How long can I use this against him? And is Careless Whisperer forever ruined?

Speaker 2 I'd say you get to use it against him until he suffers some sort of facial injury that he can blame on you.

Speaker 8 I think however long it takes the black eye to heal times seven.

Speaker 1 Did you say seven? Black guy.

Speaker 1 Black eye. Black eye.
Black eye. Oh, so a week times seven.
Now she has a black eye on her face.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 1 Black eye. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
I like that.

Speaker 1 Seven weeks. Yeah, that's biblical, too.

Speaker 1 Eye for an eye. You get to punch him in the face.

Speaker 2 We shouldn't talk about eyes.

Speaker 7 I would prefer you not only eye.

Speaker 8 Hey boys, it's Bexley Uncle Chapsey. I recently got engaged and went to meet my fiancé's parents for the first time.
When I was at their house, I accidentally

Speaker 8 walked in on my future mother-in-law in the bathroom. She was completely naked sitting on the toilet.

Speaker 1 You can just see her

Speaker 1 fucking old tits just hanging out. She was drooping.
Oh, man.

Speaker 2 I respect the move of getting completely nude to use the toilet.

Speaker 8 This is a time where you hope your mother-in-law is not attractive.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 8 Like, if you have like an oddly hot mother-in-law, you don't want to see her tits and stuff.

Speaker 1 Right. You don't? I don't think so.
I don't think so. I think the female body is gorgeous in any form.
All right, wait, so pooping or peeing? Is there anything else on this

Speaker 1 question?

Speaker 8 How do I get past this and do I tell my man about it?

Speaker 1 Oh, you haven't told him? Yeah, it was a woman. Oh, well, then you're fine.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just girls in the locker room.
Oh, that's

Speaker 1 normal shit.

Speaker 2 You should have just whipped her with a towel.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Say nice tits. The weird part is.
We're doing a number onesie twosie.

Speaker 8 Just want to know how much time we got.

Speaker 1 The weird part here is that you got engaged and then met the parents. Yeah.
Like, so maybe the mother-in-law planted this, like, hey, it took you this long to fucking meet us.

Speaker 1 You're going to meet all of us.

Speaker 8 And if she should go back in time, I wish that she would have just walked in and just sat on the counter while she's in there.

Speaker 1 Or sat on her lap and talked about it. And then, like, mind if I just get a crack here? Yeah.
How about this weather?

Speaker 2 You poop just like your son.

Speaker 1 So, the wedding. Luckily, the guys that don't have a bidet.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the floral arrangement. You get a bidet on everything for $24.

Speaker 2 You guys thinking about doing like a pork roast in the buffet, or are you thinking, like, a nice salmon?

Speaker 1 We can take this out, but how is your mother-in-law's diarrhea doing?

Speaker 1 Every time she comes, it's something new.

Speaker 2 The best part is.

Speaker 1 By the way, this wasn't just like a random question. Chap says, long documented his mother-in-law's diarrhea.

Speaker 8 Well, McCartney likes the night.

Speaker 1 How does the tweet on account of the diarrhea would say, What was that about?

Speaker 1 Oh, whatever. Yeah.

Speaker 8 So, my mother-in-law had diarrhea really bad Christmas. My wife makes this beautiful homemade pasta, and she makes it like twice a year because it's so much work.

Speaker 8 Making homemade pasta from scratch is not an easy job.

Speaker 8 So, she makes it. It's my favorite thing that she makes all year, and she makes it kind of as like a Christmas present to me.

Speaker 8 Well, it's all on the table: fresh meatballs, fresh pasta, fresh sauce, all that.

Speaker 8 My mother-in-law comes sauntering down the stairs, and as soon as she gets to the bottom, she says, Well, I don't believe I'll be having any dinner tonight on account of my diarrhea.

Speaker 1 Christmas miracle. Oh, so is it going well?

Speaker 1 How's the diarrhea?

Speaker 8 I think she knows about the blogs, though.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, because she knows.

Speaker 8 I didn't think she knew anything about Barstool.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 8 Remember when Dave went on Tucker and he talked about AOC?

Speaker 1 He called AOC.

Speaker 8 Yeah, so she talked to AOC

Speaker 8 when he was talking about AOC and she said,

Speaker 8 Well, I saw Matt's boss on

Speaker 8 Fox News, and I'm just glad to hear that y'all won't be voting for AOC anymore.

Speaker 1 And I'm like,

Speaker 1 she's a congressman from New York. Right, we live in Texas.
We live in Texas. We didn't have the opportunity.

Speaker 8 And plus, he's my boss, not my dictator.

Speaker 1 Right. Well,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 8 Now she thinks that it's because he was on Tucker that we're a very conservative group.

Speaker 1 And so she then looked up Barstool and was like, uh-oh. But wait, wait, wait, diarrhea.

Speaker 2 What's her first move to Google Barstool and her name to see like the diarrhea?

Speaker 8 I don't think she knows that much about Google, but if she ever does, honestly, I believe that our entire family's relationship will be fucked.

Speaker 8 I mean, because she's so southern and Christian, if she found out that I was talking about her diarrhea,

Speaker 1 or having sex with her daughter 1,500 times,

Speaker 1 or like all the other dumb shit that I've done. Putting banana on your eye and forever ruining it, making people grossed out want to pew it.
Yeah.

Speaker 7 My other co-workers pissing themselves.

Speaker 1 You're like, what the fuck? Oh, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
That was a lie. I only did it.
I didn't once out of twice. But she doesn't know the difference between real life and a prank.

Speaker 1 That's true. That was a prank.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was a joke for the internet. So was her diarrhea.
It was.

Speaker 2 Maybe it's like one of those things where she's Googled diarrhea so much that her browser just feeds her content. Like, she gets alerts on her phone.

Speaker 1 So to speak. What if she downloads? She has lots of diarrhea blogs.

Speaker 8 Yeah, she downloads the app and all my blogs come.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, you're dumb.

Speaker 8 I might have CPS in my house to take my children away.

Speaker 1 Done, done, done. All right.
What were we talking about? Oh, yeah, the mom that was having a poo. Yeah.
Everyone poops. Yeah.
So, chaps, thank you. Everyone go listen to Zero Blog30, your podcast.

Speaker 1 It is the best military podcast out there. You always get great guests.
You're always doing like... I always feel like you're doing way more important work than we are.

Speaker 8 Well, I think that Zero Block 30 is a lot different because we just don't have jokes. Like, for instance, this Friday's episode, we are going to have a dude who is a Green beret, retired as a general.

Speaker 8 He was the very first group that went into Afghanistan after 9-11. He was a green beret and went in on horseback, rode in from Pakistan to Afghanistan.
He's going to tell you.

Speaker 2 We've got Marlins, man. So, I mean, you tell me who does more.

Speaker 1 But yeah, go download it. It's awesome.
You can also hear him on Sirius every night with Kate six to seven chaps. It's been too long.

Speaker 1 Hopefully, it won't be this long till the next time, but I'm going to say it until your eye gets fixed. You're not welcome back on.
No, that's fair. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Is it going to get fixed? Probably not. Okay.
All right. Well, see if never.

Speaker 2 Looks like you got stung by like a really big hornet.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's banana deuce.
Single

Speaker 7 hornet.

Speaker 1 It looks like your eye, like you won't have an eye in a year. No, that's very likely.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this is this is like ha ha ha ha. And then one day you're going to come in with a glass eyeball.
But it won't look gross and you won't make us feel bad.

Speaker 8 Well, when the attending doctor, like the ophthalmologist, had to bring in like two other doctors that were hired.

Speaker 1 He was like, come check this out.

Speaker 8 He was like, let's look at this. And they legitimately stare through this fancy ass machine for like 45 minutes.

Speaker 2 I've never seen one like this before.

Speaker 6 You're going to end up in a textbook.

Speaker 8 And the guy goes, should we milk it? And I was like, what is he doing?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Let's milk it for all it's worth.

Speaker 2 Would you become a glass eye guy or would you become an eye patch guy?

Speaker 1 Or would you do it? Oh, you know what?

Speaker 2 Like the glass, the one of your eyeglasses is just blacked out.

Speaker 8 If I could go back, if I could do it, if I have to lose my eye, what I'm going to do is get a QR code on it where it's just, where you scan it and it goes, download yourself.

Speaker 1 Just a cash.

Speaker 5 Yeah. I like that.

Speaker 1 And you can can just do your cash app.

Speaker 2 Just your cash app directly to it. Yeah.
True.

Speaker 1 Perfect. All right, chaps.
Thanks so much. Thank you, fellas.

Speaker 2 I love you guys.

Speaker 2 I'll be trying for you, I'm okay.

Speaker 2 I'll be trying for to

Speaker 2 pay

Speaker 2 the only

Speaker 2 way

Speaker 2 to save you

Speaker 2 once today.

Speaker 2 Somebody's rolling away.

Speaker 2 Stay up to me.

Speaker 2 your

Speaker 2 hands

Speaker 2 only.