NFL Week 1, Fastest 2 Minutes, Recap Of Every Game + Football Guy Of The Week

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Speaker 1 On today's part in my take, week one recap. The fastest two minutes are coming up.
And we have no guest. Is this the first time we've done no guest ever?

Speaker 3 I think we did it right after the masters when we just got started.

Speaker 1 That's right. Yeah.
That's right. So a throwback, but here's the deal: we're going to, and I'll actually actually explain it once we start the show, but we have no guests.

Speaker 1 We're going to do all football all the time. We're going to whip around the whole league.
We got to talk about college football. We got some segments.
We got who's back.

Speaker 1 We got a packed show, and it's going to start with the fastest two minutes.

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Today is Monday, September 9th,

Speaker 1 week one.

Speaker 1 We start in North Carolina. Come on, raise up.
Take your shirt off. Twist around your head, spin it round like a heligopter.

Speaker 1 Sean McVape called a jewel of a game and had the clout, while Eric Weddell had all the drip with more blood on his face than Patrick Chung after a long weekend in New Hampshire.

Speaker 1 Christian buy one get one McCaffrey had two TDs and Ron Jeremy Rivera scored but couldn't finish as the Pussycats were the ones that got rammed. Rams 30, Panthers 27.
Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Some spread!

Speaker 1 In Cleveland town, where the Super Bowl champ Browns took the field against the Titans with a guillotine ready to drop on Mike Vrabel's manhood.

Speaker 1 Freddy Kitchen Nightmares was absolutely chubbish, Mike, in it, with the Browns unable to get the running game going, and the offense overall didn't have enough juice landry.

Speaker 1 Mayfield could only muster up a baker's dozen points, despite the fact that Odell Beckham had enough carrots on his wrist to make this game a piece of cake.

Speaker 1 Derek Henry Hill and Marcus Rayliotta were good fellas as they lift hands aheist in all the joy from the upstart Browns. Titans 43, Browns 13.

Speaker 1 What's going on with the Railers? To Florida, where the stud thoroughbred with a Lombardi trophy hanging between his legs, Nick Foles, had to be shot after a first quarter injury.

Speaker 1 Sammy sweetheart Watkins proved that you never find love at the Jacksonville shore as the Jags have to hit the Jim Tan bath salts in order to compete with the AFC's best. Oof, Doug Barone, Miles

Speaker 1 Jacked up, got kicked out of the game for acting like someone called him a Fredo in the backyard of DJs in Belmar.

Speaker 1 The league MVP Patrick Mahomes had 378 yards and three touchdowns and an impressive win. Four more from Patrick.
We take it down to Patrick.

Speaker 1 Patrick, you know, I thought we played pretty well down there. Shady, he's the real McCoy.
You see that no-look pass I threw up into the third row? That one was my bad.

Speaker 1 That's on me, but it's pretty heckin' tough to keep your eyes on Travis Kelsey when you got all them Jax fans up there in the pool wearing their niftiest dungarees.

Speaker 1 Man, that was tickle-picked to see Garner Mitchell and his little flavor saber mustache there. Can't even forget to tell you how much ketchup I'd get caught in that little womb broom if I had one.

Speaker 1 Hey, hey, Patrick, you got some Heinz 57 stuck on your lip.

Speaker 3 Heck, yeah, I do.

Speaker 1 I'm saving myself a little bit for a midnight snack. Thanks, Patrick.
Chiefs, 40. Jaguars 26.

Speaker 1 We stay in Florida, where once upon a time in Hollywood Brown was sprinting Tarantino through the Dolphins defense with great footwork.

Speaker 1 And Lamar Samuel Jackson asked, do you know what they call a quarter pounder with cheese in Miami? A 50 burger.

Speaker 1 As the quarterback didn't look like a bitch or a wide receiver on Sunday, shout out Bill Poly.

Speaker 1 The bastard child of killed Bill Belichick Brian Flores had an inglorious debut, and the film session will surely be lit like a flamethrower, as not even the bear Jew Josh Rosen could save this movie from turning into a remake of the Cove.

Speaker 1 Japanese Fisherman 59, Dolphins 10. What happened to the Dolphins, Boom?

Speaker 1 They could go up. Oh, never mind.

Speaker 1 In San Diego, where Marlin's man Mac stood out on television as a star of the show, and T.Y. Quilton stayed hot despite blanket coverage.

Speaker 1 Melvin Gordon Bombay was directed to stay away from his team, but that didn't stop Phil Ribbers from throwing three mighty ducks to the end zone.

Speaker 1 He's getting there, switching back and forth between Keenan Ray Allen and Austin Eckler. The Colts are shit out of luck as they fall in overtime.
30, 24. Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!

Speaker 1 in the meadowlands where Frank Al Gore grounded the Jets due to their excessive carbon emissions. Sam was much too young to feel this darn old for a second-year player.

Speaker 1 Leon, saved by the bell, screeched back into the NFL, but the Jets did at least a throttle down the stretch, losing a game late in the fourth. And Tege,

Speaker 1 no one circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills. Bell 17, Jets 16.

Speaker 1 Up to the Pacific Northwest, where Louis C.K. Metcalf was really feeling himself.
But it was the Seattle defense that was able to zip up the Red Rocket to seal the victory.

Speaker 1 Zach Efron Taylor's coaching debut ended up extremely wicked, shockingly evil, and vile. And the new look Bengals are the same old bungles as they fall late to the Seahawks.
21, 20,

Speaker 1 he's matriculating the ball down the field.

Speaker 1 to the great white north, where Dalvin, Cookie Monster, was eating up yards left and right. Me want touchdowns, me want lots of carriage, me want to make everyone happy.

Speaker 1 Otherwise, my coach Andy Reid will take my cookie. Above average, Kirk Cousins lit it up, going 8 for 10 for 98 yards, and finally got a win against a 500 team, the 0 and 0 Atlanta Falcons.

Speaker 1 Vikings 28, Dirty Birds, 12.

Speaker 3 Standing on the corner, Jameis wins in Tampa, Florida. Such a fine sight to see.

Speaker 1 It's a QB, my lord.

Speaker 3 Leaving our jaws on the floor.

Speaker 1 Throwing passes to the niners, BBs. Aryans can't fix this.

Speaker 1 You love pixes.

Speaker 1 Your tiny hands and suspect morals won't sell tickets.

Speaker 1 49ers 31, Buccaneers 17. Hit the cannon, teach.

Speaker 1 In the Big D, where Dak Prescott Van Pelt is making Jerry Jones look like a huge penis for not giving him

Speaker 1 that big extension. Jason Quentin escaped the John Wilkes Monday night football booth before being assassinated, scoring his 69th career touchdown in style with the robot dance.

Speaker 1 Everybody do the robot. Everybody do the robot boom.
Tomo Arigato, Mr. Footballer.
Randall Cobb's salad with shaking and bacon and making the New York secondary look like blue Swiss cheese.

Speaker 1 And what else can you say about Eli Manning, but...

Speaker 1 Cowboys 35, the New York Football Giants 17. And we're back.

Speaker 3 It feels so good to be back.

Speaker 1 It feels great to be back. Week one.

Speaker 1 Almost in the books.

Speaker 1 We still got two Monday night games, which they always should have two Monday night games, but you don't have to get mad about that because we have all the football in front of us.

Speaker 1 It was a glorious week one. We have a special part of my take.
We're doing something new this fall. We're going to try it out.
So let us know what you think. We love feedback.

Speaker 1 We love, you know, getting feedback and fixing the show and doing things for the show to make it better for you.

Speaker 3 So if you really like this one, just tell us, suck my dick.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, no, no, don't do that. Don't do that.
No guests

Speaker 1 on today's show because we are going to focus on football and football only.

Speaker 1 We will maybe have guests guests on Mondays if something big happens or we have a huge guest that we have to get out in a timely fashion. But we're going to give this a shot.

Speaker 3 Really, the guest is the spirit of football in this show. Yeah, and also the fact that we're so narcissistic that we think that we know more about football than any guest that we could have on.

Speaker 1 Well, here's the honest truth of it. We figured that when we have guests on Mondays, usually we feel like we didn't get to talk about all the games the way we wanted to.

Speaker 1 And then we dropped like a two-hour podcast and we feel like that's a burden on you. So we're going to give you all the football, all you want.
Let us know what you think.

Speaker 1 Also, if you want to watch us, pardon my take, gold, barstoolgold.com slash PMT. Hi.
Hi. What's up? Hi.
So let's do it.

Speaker 3 So here's what we're going to do. If you have any negative feedback about this show, the person who's in charge of that is All Business Pete.
Yes. So make sure it's directed at him.

Speaker 1 And he's got the new NHL codes.

Speaker 3 That's so cool. He's got the NHL Xbox One and PlayStation Sport codes.

Speaker 1 Ask him for those codes. That's pretty great.
And the FIFA codes coming out. Okay, so here's what we're going to do.
We're going to whip around the league.

Speaker 1 We're going to touch on every game. We're going to overreact because that's the best part about week one.

Speaker 1 My favorite part about week one is whatever you see, that is what's going to happen for the rest of the year, even though we have years and years of evidence that that's not the case, but that's how our brains work.

Speaker 3 Yeah, absolutely. I think if you don't overreact and you're not really reacting in this league.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so perfect team, perfect game to start with our overreactions, Titans, Browns. Yes.
The Browns stink. They stink.

Speaker 3 The Titans. It looks like Mike Vrabel is going to have to chop his dick off because the Titans' defense looked as good as any team.
Any unit in the league.

Speaker 1 Well, here's the thing with the Browns. All the hype, all the talk, and we're Baker guys, and I actually do believe the Browns are going to be fine.

Speaker 1 But the one thing we kind of forgot with all this hype, oh, they have Odell. Oh, Freddie Kitchen is a Baker whisperer.
Oh, Baker's going to be unbelievable.

Speaker 1 Having an offensive line is actually important in the NFL.

Speaker 3 It does help.

Speaker 1 Because the Browns' offensive line stinks, and then Greg Robinson got kicked out for kicking a player in the face.

Speaker 3 There are two problems with the Browns. One is the offensive line, I think.
The second is the burden of having expectations. Yes.
And that is a city that does not know what to do with expectations.

Speaker 3 And to be honest, I don't blame them. Coming from a fan base in the Washington R Words that never has expectations, you get confused sometimes when you think you're in love, right?

Speaker 3 And you overreact to things and you start making plans for the future.

Speaker 3 We need to slow down a little bit in Cleveland. That's okay.
Baker had his game where you know what he's doing? He's putting a little food in Colin Coward's dish. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 And saying, hey, Cal. Fuck you, Coward.

Speaker 3 Hey, Cow, go ahead. You eat up for a little bit.
You get one week of nourishment. It sucks.

Speaker 1 The coward is just smiling ear to ear, and he's like, I got my whole show set up. Here's the thing.
The one thing I will say about the Browns fans.

Speaker 1 Browns fans. Don't do what you've been doing.
I've seen it on Twitter where you say, well, it's the Browns. And no one really thought they were going to be that good.
No, you did.

Speaker 1 Don't be ashamed of it. We are a pro-Browns podcast.
We have your back. It's okay to have high expectations and have them just completely flame out in the the first week.
It's a long season.

Speaker 1 I do think that this is a case of like, we talked all offseason about the Browns. The Browns continue to say it's okay.
We don't buy in our own hype.

Speaker 1 You kind of did. And you know how I know you did? You had 18 penalties for 182 yards.
It's not great.

Speaker 1 That is a team that bought their hype because you have those type of games where everything goes wrong and you basically shoot yourself in the foot over and over.

Speaker 1 That to me means it's a team that thought they could just roll out the helmets and kick the shit out of the Titans.

Speaker 3 Yeah. No, I agree.
One other thing from that game that I thought was laugh out loud funny was just the visual of Jim Nance showing up in Cleveland. Just Jim Nance walking around Cleveland.

Speaker 3 Dude, how weird was that? And he hated it there. It was very, it was obvious that he didn't like the Browns.
He didn't like the city.

Speaker 3 He probably went through like six bottles of Purell just like walking around, just like douse. He took showers in hand sanitizer the entire week.

Speaker 3 And he was making fun of Freddie Kitchens for being a former used car salesman. And it's like, Jim Nance, do you know you golf every single day? Right.
You drive a golf cart.

Speaker 3 That's basically a used car that you're puttering around in all the time.

Speaker 1 That is the perfect encapsulation of the Browns' hype. The fact that they sent Jim Nance and Tony Romo there week one.
And I think Browns fans were even shocked. Like, wait, what? This is.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, this is uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 Odell's watch.

Speaker 1 Do you like it or no?

Speaker 3 A Kib Talib has got to be licking his lips just like that thing. Holy shit.
Like that. It was worth $200,000.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was $250,000 or something. I mean, that and like $500,000.
Jesus Christ. I can't wait till it smashes on the sideline.
Freddie Kitchen will probably.

Speaker 1 No, actually, no, I don't think he'll do anything. I think he saw Antonio Brown stuff, which we're going to get to.
We're going to get to all that.

Speaker 1 But the other thing I wrote down was, I am now making a new rule. New rule.
I just came up with the phrase new rule. Whenever Mike Vrabel is underestimated, bet on him.
I feel like this happens.

Speaker 1 Every single time the Titans were like, the Titans stink.

Speaker 1 Their offense is boring, and Marcus Mariota isn't the guy. They did it last year when they played the Patriots.
I feel like Mike Vrabel is a perfect guy who can get his team up for games like that.

Speaker 3 Yeah, and Derrick Henry played really well. And my other takeaway from that was when Derrick Henry runs with the ball for long distances, he looks like he has to go to the shitter.

Speaker 3 He's got this little fat guy waddle to him, but he goes fast. He's like a fat guy with the most explosive diarrhea that you've ever seen in your life.

Speaker 3 So in the long run, he's actually pretty quick, but he does not run like a fast guy does.

Speaker 1 The good news for the Browns, we'll end the Browns Titans with this. Good news for Browns fans.
Your next game won't be on national television in front of of everyone. Wait.

Speaker 3 Wait, who are they playing?

Speaker 1 Playing the Jets. I'm on NA football.
Okay.

Speaker 3 Well, at least it's the Jets. So there's that.

Speaker 1 That's going to be

Speaker 1 Loser Leaves Town.

Speaker 1 Circle it. Circle it.

Speaker 3 Baker's undefeated against the Jets. Circle it.

Speaker 1 Loser Leaves Town. All right.

Speaker 3 Wait, is Baker healthy? He had a pretty much broken hand afterwards.

Speaker 1 It was wrapped up.

Speaker 3 True. He's healthy.

Speaker 1 No, I'm not going to do that. As a Baker guy, he's going to fix it.
He's fine. Okay.
The problem might be where he is, Cleveland. Come on.
Cleveland, Cleveland. Oh,

Speaker 1 you got off all your jokes, didn't you?

Speaker 3 No, I'm just saying. You got off all your jokes.

Speaker 1 I'm just saying.

Speaker 3 Maybe I need to leave my wallet at whatever their stadium is.

Speaker 1 Next game we're doing. Ravens, Dolphins.
Yikes. Yikes.
Yikes.

Speaker 3 Yikes is the best way to put it.

Speaker 1 Lamar Jackson is the new Joe Flacco, and not in the fact that

Speaker 1 he's better than Joe Flacco, but in the fact that everyone sees what they want to see with Lamar Jackson. So when Lamar Jackson does well, the victory laps people were taking on Twitter was obscene.

Speaker 1 And if he does poorly the next game, the victory laps that people will say that he's not really a good quarterback, good passing quarterback will be obscene.

Speaker 1 He's in his second year and played, what, like eight games or nine games? He had an unreal game,

Speaker 1 five touchdowns, 17 for Troy. They kept on just going to red zone, and it was just a wide open guy, usually Hollywood Brown, scoring for the Ravens.

Speaker 1 I can't remember a game. quite like this where

Speaker 1 it was like a college game.

Speaker 3 Well, you can't. I don't think that you can watch this game and say that Lamar Jackson isn't a good passer.

Speaker 1 No, he was very good defense. But the Dolphins defense was terrific.

Speaker 3 Right, that's true. But he was a good passer.
Correct. He was hitting long throws.
He was hitting short throws. He was hitting the intermediate, the touch passes.
I know what you're saying,

Speaker 3 and that

Speaker 1 it will always be a litmus test

Speaker 3 for how he does.

Speaker 3 He has one bad throw, and people will be like, see, I told you what. And then he has one great throw.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God, look at this throw.

Speaker 3 But also, the Ravens adapted their offense this offseason by finally signing somebody that can play wide receiver, which helps, which is nothing that they've ever done in the history of the Ravens.

Speaker 1 I'm just saying that this is Lamar Jackson,

Speaker 1 the Twitter dialogue is insufferable. It's toxic.
Both ways.

Speaker 3 Can we say it's toxic?

Speaker 1 Both ways. It's so fucking annoying.
Like, let's just watch this guy play, and we can make an assessment maybe when he plays 16 games in the NFL.

Speaker 3 But he was unbelievable. The concern at this point is: can he do enough with his legs? Is he fast enough? Is he a good enough running quarterback?

Speaker 3 Or is he just like one of those statue guys that goes back there and carves you up? It's a good question.

Speaker 1 The Dolphins. Yes.

Speaker 3 Your Dolphins.

Speaker 1 My Miami. You're Miami Dolphins.
First of all, I feel like. Miami Dolphins.
I feel bad for Josh Rosen.

Speaker 1 I think Josh Rosen will,

Speaker 1 when his career is done, will look back and be like, that guy had the worst situations possible. He got in and gave us Josh Rosen's stat line.
One for three, five yards.

Speaker 3 I love that he managed to squeeze that one in there for us.

Speaker 1 We needed it. But your Miami Dolphins, your seven win Miami Dolphins.

Speaker 1 You said they'd win seven games.

Speaker 3 We'll get to 59 to 10.

Speaker 3 Find me seven games. Let me just say about the Dolphins real quick.
They've never fully recovered from Bobby Petrino. We are still living in the wake of Bobby Petrino.

Speaker 3 Once he fucks you over, if you're a football team, if you're a woman, you're going to be left with some incurable disease for at least the next 15 years.

Speaker 3 That's how the guy works. The Dolphins are still reeling from that.

Speaker 3 If they do go 0-16, I'd like to make a motion that everybody, every player in the NFL, get to smash a bottle of Dom Perignon on Mercury Morris's pelvis.

Speaker 1 I think if they go 0-16, you should have to get an 0-16 Dolphins tattoo because you said they were going to win 7 on my stomach.

Speaker 3 Yes. Unforgotten, undefeated.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Find me seven wins. Okay, I'll find.

Speaker 3 All right, let me look at the schedule real quick.

Speaker 1 They are so fucking good.

Speaker 3 Okay, so the Dolphins can still get seven. I'm not done with this take yet.
Next week, Patriots at Dolphins. Okay, that's easy.
Dolphins always manage to win a game against the Patriots, right, Hank?

Speaker 3 Always happens.

Speaker 1 Okay, so that's one.

Speaker 3 Then they go to the Cowboys. That's probably a loss.

Speaker 1 Just give me the wins. Okay, you know who lost.

Speaker 3 Okay, Chargers at Dolphins. Chargers are going east.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there you go.

Speaker 1 Nice.

Speaker 3 Redskins at Dolphins. Yeah, I'm going to take the Dolphins on that one too.
Okay.

Speaker 3 At the Bills, probably not going through the list here.

Speaker 1 Just give me the wins.

Speaker 3 At the Steelers, it's going to be an Antonio Brown revenge game because he'll be traded to the Dolphins by then. So that's another one.

Speaker 3 They're going to beat the Jets at home.

Speaker 3 They're going to beat like three,

Speaker 1 maybe, that one of them is talking about the Patriots who might not lose a game this year.

Speaker 3 They're going to beat the Eagles at home, again, Again, going east. Oh, also, here's what I'm forgetting.
Ryan Fitzpatrick.

Speaker 3 The great part about Ryan Fitzpatrick, he's played on so many teams that he has so many revenge games built into every schedule that he has. So let's see.
Jets, revenge game. Boom, there's one.

Speaker 3 Bills, twice. Revenge game.
There's two more right off the top of my head.

Speaker 1 Ryan Fitzpatrick officially threw a touchdown. When he threw his touchdown for the Dolphins today, he's thrown a touchdown for one quarter of the league.
That was the first, it's an unbelievable stat.

Speaker 1 Only Ryan Fitzpatrick could do that. He also had, what is it, interception for eighth different team as well.
So it's most all-times for any quarterback.

Speaker 3 Okay, I'll make it real simple for you. Two wins against the Bills.
Two wins against the Jets for the revenge games.

Speaker 3 The Patriots, because

Speaker 1 they can't find them.

Speaker 3 They always beat them. Bengals' revenge game.

Speaker 3 The Browns, because the Browns will have already locked up the number one seed by November 24th.

Speaker 1 There you go.

Speaker 3 Boom. Seven wins.
Seven wins for my Dolphins.

Speaker 1 Oh, and good news for the Dolphins. The locker room is now saying that they all want to be traded.
Every single one of them.

Speaker 3 There's a big mutiny going on.

Speaker 1 Literally every single one of them wants to be traded.

Speaker 3 Just, yeah, why not?

Speaker 3 And the thing is, I was actually going through the Dolphins roster, and my general rule of thumb is as many players on a team as you can name within five seconds.

Speaker 1 Kego Alonzo.

Speaker 3 That's typically as many wins as they'll have that season.

Speaker 1 Keego Alonso. Ryan Fitzpatrick.
Josh Rosen.

Speaker 3 There you go. Three wins.
Three and 13. Okay, there we go.
R7 and nine.

Speaker 1 All right, next game. I fucking hate the Falcons.
I'm done with the Falcons. I fucking hate the Falcons.

Speaker 1 They're the most frustrating team I've ever watched, ever bet on.

Speaker 1 I bet on them pretty much every single week because every single week I'm like Matt Ryan, Julio Jones, Calvin Ridley, Devontae Freeman.

Speaker 1 The same principle, you can name all these offensive stars and they fucking suck and they do the same thing every time. The red zone flips to the Falcons.

Speaker 1 They're going in for a touchdown and then they either fumble or, you know, get stuffed on a third down. They are so fucking bad.
And it's not even Sarkeesian anymore.

Speaker 1 It's not even Sarkeesian anymore.

Speaker 3 The only time I want to see the Falcons on red zone is when Mohamed Sunu is throwing a pass.

Speaker 1 That's the only time they ever scored. They're so, they're the most frustrating team in the world.
If you're a Falcons fan, I feel bad for you. And I don't even know.

Speaker 1 I mean, I have to be done with them.

Speaker 1 I have to go to rehab to quit betting on the Falcons. It's basically the Seahawks after they lost to the PJs.

Speaker 1 It's true.

Speaker 1 Also,

Speaker 1 it's true, though.

Speaker 3 Well, it's a little bit true. It's extremely true.

Speaker 1 Let's not take anything away from the Vikings, though, because the Vikings looked awesome.

Speaker 1 And not only do they have a running back in Dalvin Cook who was phenomenal, but they figured out the key to Kirk Cousins. Don't let him actually play quarterback.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if Kirk Cousins only threw 10 passes.

Speaker 3 Kirk Cousins is 1-0 lifetime when throwing for under 100 yards.

Speaker 1 Eight for 10, 98 yards. I love it.

Speaker 3 This is more with him. That's how Kirk Cousins is.
And listen, he is the perfect quarterback in this situation for Mike Mike Zimmer. Mike Zimmer would rather not even have players.

Speaker 3 He'd rather just go out on a field, get angry for a couple hours, do some redman, and then walk off the field with a win. I don't think he likes anybody that he coaches.
He just likes outcomes.

Speaker 3 And with Kirk Cousins, the less you can play for Mike Zimmer, the happier he's going to be with you.

Speaker 1 It's so perfect that that was a convincing win for the Vikings. Then you looked up Kirk Cousins' stats.
You're like, wait, what? He threw 10 times? Yep.

Speaker 1 Oh, actually, the key for Kirk Cousins is to make sure that the quarterback doesn't play quarterback. Exactly.

Speaker 3 I like that.

Speaker 3 That is the God's honesty. The team about the Vikings.
So

Speaker 3 I think the defense is pretty good.

Speaker 1 No, they look...

Speaker 1 They are one of those classic teams that

Speaker 1 two years ago, they obviously had a phenomenal season. And then

Speaker 1 what was that year? Oh, no, no. They won the Minnesota Miracle, obviously.

Speaker 1 And then they got the shit kicked out of them by the Eagles. And it felt like all of last year was a hangover.
And then the roster is kind of the same.

Speaker 1 They have all this talent, and so now it's a new year, fresh. Don't let Kirk Cousins throw the ball, even though he's your quarterback, and Dalvin Cook is healthy and do the whole thing.

Speaker 3 So, last year was an entire hangover that comes along with having the human hangover of Kirk Cousins on your team.

Speaker 1 He's just around.

Speaker 3 He is a perfect analogy for a hangover because at the end, he'll kind of wake you up a little bit, usually towards the end of games, and be like, okay, this isn't so bad.

Speaker 1 I got through it. And then you start feeling sick again.
You're like, fuck,

Speaker 1 I need a cheeseburger or something.

Speaker 3 The best thing that Kirk Cousins has ever done is that game where he said, you like that, which is the most Kirk Cousins catchphrase of all time. And the reason why

Speaker 3 he was favored

Speaker 3 why that was a big deal was because he went down like 21-0 in the first three quarters and then came back and won

Speaker 3 24-21.

Speaker 1 All right. Bills, Jets.

Speaker 3 Josh Allen's awesome. Yeah, that's about it.
That's all I got for that game.

Speaker 1 The Bills actually dominated this game from a statistical standpoint, but they just turned the ball over a shit. I'll say this.

Speaker 3 Josh Allen had the best four-turnover performance that you can have as a quarterback.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so our friend Warren Sharp had a stat

Speaker 1 in three turnovers. When a team is minus three in turnovers and one of those turnovers is a return for a touchdown, they were 0-18 last year.

Speaker 1 In all time, it's like a 2% win probability. So that just means Josh Allen defies all odds.

Speaker 3 Well, also, they're kicker on the Jets. It's going to be an issue.
Pray for Mike Greenberg.

Speaker 1 That's what I'm going to say.

Speaker 3 Mike Greenberg did the ultimate thing where he was online today complaining about the Jets after the game. He said, this will be the last thing that I say about the Jets.

Speaker 3 And then he stepped away for like 30 minutes, and then he just can't help himself and go back at it. So, Jets.
Super triggered. If you're listening, Carly Lloyd's out there.

Speaker 1 Are you worried about these two behemoths in the AFC East tank? They looked awesome. I would be.

Speaker 1 The thing that makes it easier is that Josh Allen seems like he's running out of the pocket and just getting smoked by linebackers every single time he...

Speaker 1 So what is that?

Speaker 1 I'm worried about his first downs. Oh, okay.
I'm worried about his health, the way he was playing. No, dude, he just wasn't.
He

Speaker 1 He was playing recklessly. This, by the way, is going to be every single Bills game.

Speaker 3 The only stat that counts is Josh Allen got a W.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's no true. Trust me.
I want Josh Allen to do good. I'm just saying I'm concerned about analytics.
The Bills are going to be that team.

Speaker 1 Just like their defense is awesome, and they somehow find a way to win games.

Speaker 1 Like, I actually do think they could go eight and eight and just every win is in this fashion, where it's ugly, gross, but they figured out a way to do it.

Speaker 3 And Frank Gore, too.

Speaker 1 Frank Gore is

Speaker 3 his balls are built for Buffalo weather. I'm saying that, like, You talk about one of those snow games in early December up in Buffalo.

Speaker 3 The only person that's going to have visible external balls in that game is going to be Frank Gore.

Speaker 1 His balls will shrink to normal size. Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'll just say this because Jets fans will get mad. The game did change when C.J.
Mosley went out. Eagles, you're R-words.
Yes.

Speaker 1 You start.

Speaker 1 Case Keenum.

Speaker 3 So, no, Case Keenum is the perfect Jay Gruden quarterback. He's like Colt McCoy with a little bit of hot sauce on him.
So Jay Gruden's like, this is my guy.

Speaker 3 I can win eight or nine games a year with this guy.

Speaker 3 I will not get fired with this guy. That's all that Jay Gruden cares about is keeping Dan Snyder drunk enough to not come down on the field during an actual game.

Speaker 3 This was the most obvious Deshaun Jackson revenge game of all time. That's all he does.
He just does revenge games.

Speaker 1 Deshaun Jackson will be in like 2045, Deshaun Jackson will still be ripping off 50-yard touchdowns. Yep.
That's just what he does.

Speaker 1 You just, it's a perfect, every three weeks, the red zone will go to him and it'll be like, Deshaun Jackson, 53-yard touchdown.

Speaker 3 Vernon Davis had that nice little hurdle for a touchdown. I love the highlight of the season.

Speaker 1 I'll take it. Yeah, and then the Eagles looked like they were going to fuck everyone's teaser and showed up in the second half.

Speaker 1 Carson Wentz looked awesome in the second half, and I love Doug Peterson because Doug Peterson, the best thing that ever happened to Doug Peterson, because he's kind of like a, I'm just going to coach with my gut.

Speaker 1 Well, he does the analytics stuff, but he is not afraid ever. He goes for it on fourth down all the time.

Speaker 1 He went for it on fourth down in like their own, like on their own 30 in the second half, early in the second half. Him getting a Super Bowl ring means he can just be full Doug Peterson all the time.

Speaker 1 Yep. Because if you question, right, if you question him, you're just like, I have a Super Bowl ring.
What are you going to do? So he goes for it on fourth down.

Speaker 1 Like, it's not, I was watching that game, and the announcers weren't even questioning, like, will they go for it on fourth down? It's like, no, it's Doug Peterson.

Speaker 1 He's got a visor and he's going for it on fourth down.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's like the exact opposite of Jeff Fisher getting to a Super Bowl. It just let him punt more.
Right. It gave him the freedom to punt on like third and long.

Speaker 3 Trust the punt. Let's get fucking wild with it and go for it.
Let's kick the ball in third and 16.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, Carson Wentz is back. Yeah, he is.

Speaker 1 You ready to say that?

Speaker 3 Yeah, Carson Wentz is pretty back. He is.
But he also got booed.

Speaker 1 Did he? Yeah. In the first half.

Speaker 3 He got booed in the first half.

Speaker 1 Well, he screwed up everyone's teaser. Exactly.
It really was.

Speaker 3 Philadelphia fans holding you accountable.

Speaker 1 Everyone saw that nine-point team, and the Redskins with the nice teaser. Did they backdoor cover that? Yeah, they did.
Yeah, they did. Yeah.
So it was a nice teaser, though. Rams Panthers.

Speaker 3 This is the ultimate. It's tough to get a win in this league game.
Yeah. So, like, if you're the Rams, it's tough to win.
We won. We only won by, what, three?

Speaker 3 But Christian McCaffrey has a spirit of the Lord in him.

Speaker 1 Christian McCaffrey's going to be awesome.

Speaker 3 His guts are made out of springs. When he was trying to get tackled, his body just like compresses and then expands back into the defender.

Speaker 3 I don't know how he's so small, but he's so compact that he's able to drive forward.

Speaker 1 I don't know this for a fact, but I'm pretty sure Christian McCaffrey could be pro in every single sport.

Speaker 1 He's that type of guy. Fact.
He's that type of guy. Cam Newton, my question is: when will Cam Newton stop wearing ridiculous clothes in loss? In losses?

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's a tough look. I would.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 You got to dress like you're going to win every single game. I understand, but maybe go with a B outfit.
Maybe don't wear the barbed wire hat after you dress the opening game. Dress to the game.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 But it just feels like if I were a Panthers fan, at some point, I'd be like, hey, when we lose, just throw on a Panthers hoodie.

Speaker 3 He had the barbed wire hat, the bandages on his face, and then the cut-off sleeves. He looked like a guy that was both a fence and a person who was trying to climb over the fence at the same time.

Speaker 1 Listen, I'm not a professional athlete, but when I lose

Speaker 1 gambling, I don't feel in the mood to dress up, right? I just throw on sweatpants and just kind of mope around.

Speaker 3 Wait, that's your losing shirt?

Speaker 1 Yeah, this is my losing shirt. What would you have worn? Well, I actually was winning when I put this on.

Speaker 3 And then I started losing. So you are a lot like him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, I guess so.

Speaker 3 That's the thing, though. You burn your boat.
You only bring one suit to the game. One suit to Dallas.
Exactly.

Speaker 3 Also, I have, I think Sean McVay finally has his version of Bill Belichick putting Tom Brady on the IR or on the injury report for every game. And that's Todd Gurley.
Yes.

Speaker 3 He loves keeping people in the dark about whether or not Todd Gurley, if his knee is made out of the material that your grandmother's is made out of, or if he's fully healthy.

Speaker 1 You have a fantasy football podcast, Hank. That's not a plug because I forgot the name.

Speaker 1 Todd Gurley is going to piss everyone off this year. Because Sean McVay, it's very clear he's going to do, not to steal a word from the NBA, but load management.

Speaker 1 I think Malcolm Brown had the majority of the carries in the first half. Then Todd Gurley was like the closer.
So sucks for you. Do you have him? I don't.
No one cares. Thank God.

Speaker 1 Fantastic football factory.

Speaker 1 Chiefs, Jaguars. I actually want to start with this.
A thought for you, PFT.

Speaker 3 That look away pass.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Nick Foles

Speaker 1 broke his clavicle, out for an extended period of time. I'm going to say a name.
You ready?

Speaker 3 Blake Bortle's curse?

Speaker 1 Nope. No.
I'm I'm going to say a name for who the Jaguars should look to trade for. Okay.

Speaker 1 Eli Manning. Ooh.
Let's do it. Here we go.
Let's get it going. Let's get him back with coffee.

Speaker 3 Coffee band back together.

Speaker 1 The defense is good enough. All you need is Eli to win nine games.
Victor Cruz, bring him down there, too. Ah, yes.
Why not? I mean,

Speaker 3 Eli can manage a football game too.

Speaker 1 Eli Manning in a Jaguars uniform would look so fucking foreign. Preposterous.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 I don't think Eli Manning's ever seen the sun, much less lived in Florida. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Let's just get it going and and let's get it out there. Just Eli Manning to the Jaguars, who says no?

Speaker 3 Can you imagine Eli

Speaker 3 rolling up to the game just like a pair of jean shorts? Just like trying to fit in down there?

Speaker 1 It sucks, though, that

Speaker 1 Nick Foles got hurt because he had a great first quarter or was looking great, even so much that Kevin Durant, future guest of the show, we think, maybe, hopefully, had one of the weirdest tweets ever.

Speaker 1 He said, Nick Foles, that was a beautiful throw. Thank you for that piece of art.

Speaker 3 It's beautiful.

Speaker 3 Yeah, so what? It's a guy that is injured wishing good luck for a guy.

Speaker 1 That's a piece of art.

Speaker 1 What is it? He's painting something like that. Really? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Appreciate that piece of art. He's appreciating the sport we love.
I mean, I love that Kevin Ray was watching that game. I don't know why he was watching that game, but he was watching that game.

Speaker 3 He was definitely watching Red Zone Channel.

Speaker 1 He was probably in L.A.

Speaker 1 That had to have been, right? You think so? Oh, no, wait. No, no, no.
No, no, no, no. That makes no sense.
No, where was he?

Speaker 3 He was watching Red Zone Channel?

Speaker 1 He was in a hospital somewhere.

Speaker 1 You know what probably happened? Was Nick Foles. He was still in the the hospital from the finals? Nick Foles got wheeled past him in the hallway.

Speaker 3 He's like, oh, shit, I better tweet something about him in case he gets weird and we're in the same room.

Speaker 1 He's in a Jacksonville hospital.

Speaker 3 Oh, hey, man, I just tweeted about you.

Speaker 3 It was not great for Nick Foles to go out. He looked good, but Garter Minshew looks like he's going to be fun.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 3 Fun is the right word. He's going to be fun.

Speaker 1 Whatever your interpretation of fun is, that's what he will be.

Speaker 3 Going from Mike Leach to Tom Coughlin, I don't think that you could have a bigger separation in terms of personality,

Speaker 3 punctuality, or really anything. Yes.
Body type. Yes, everything.

Speaker 1 Coach fifth in Heisman trophy voting. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He was awesome. The Kooks.
Hopefully we'll have Coach Mike Leach on this week because he's going up against Dana on Friday.

Speaker 3 The cameras went out.

Speaker 3 There was a power outage.

Speaker 3 What the hell?

Speaker 1 I thought the game wasn't in question in terms of spread over under all that stuff. But could you imagine if the game ended and it was like a controversial ending?

Speaker 1 And we had no video proof?

Speaker 3 That would be be tough.

Speaker 1 Listen, hey, I thought right away when it went out, I was like, oh, the Jaguars are going to cover Vegas nose.

Speaker 3 You've got a couple questionable neck injuries, and then the cameras go out. I'm not going to say there are similarities to Jeffrey Epstein here, but I'm not saying that there aren't.

Speaker 1 But you aren't saying, you are not saying it.

Speaker 3 I'm not saying

Speaker 3 I'm not saying it. I'm trying to keep myself alive.
Right.

Speaker 1 We actually work with the Clinton assassin.

Speaker 3 Tyreek Hillary Clinton.

Speaker 1 The Patrick Mahomes is awesome. Yeah.

Speaker 3 That's

Speaker 3 accurate assessment.

Speaker 1 He's fucking sick. I don't really know what else to say about it.
And Sammy Watkins, I had written off Sammy Watkins' career six years ago. Well, he is in a cult.

Speaker 3 We've established that. That's right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Sammy Watkins isn't.

Speaker 3 I mean, three touchdowns, what, 200 yards, something like that? Yeah. I think I wrote his career off after his sixth game in Buffalo.

Speaker 1 Yes. Bust.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Total bust. Absolutely.
He's still.

Speaker 1 Awesome to Clemson. Total bust.

Speaker 3 It's not fair to have that much speed on the field at the same time between Hill, Sammy Watkins, Micole, LaShawn McCoy, LaShawn McCoy shape.

Speaker 1 Holding the button, not carrying the ball correctly.

Speaker 3 Here's what I noticed

Speaker 1 about LaShawn McCoy.

Speaker 3 I didn't like his uniform today. He had like a little Sam Bradford thing going on.
They need to tighten it up.

Speaker 1 They did need to tighten it up. He actually had a nice day.
He's going to be, that's going to be one of those ones. Like, how the fuck did the Chiefs get LaShawn McCoy for free? Yeah.

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Speaker 1 The beer after skiing is actually a top Mount Rushmore beers.

Speaker 3 Is it really? I've never been skiing. What? Never been skiing.

Speaker 1 Ever? No.

Speaker 1 Never been skipping. Never.
Never been skiing.

Speaker 3 What do you mean? I've just never been skiing. I prefer to keep my pad level low, stay off the mountains.

Speaker 1 Not a drug guy. What? No.

Speaker 3 Stay off the snow tiers.

Speaker 1 Like, never even... No.
You never.

Speaker 3 I don't like to get that confusion. I don't understand.
You love French fries?

Speaker 1 It's too close to the sun. Like, I'm not a skier.

Speaker 3 I'm not a skier, but i've been skiing i've never been skiing boarding no never been boarding man snow tubing no none of the above keep you just don't like hills i told you i told you the winter olympics were on my mount rush morning

Speaker 3 what the fuck whatever hill i grew up in and i grew up in a hill

Speaker 1 apparently not

Speaker 1 apparently you grew up in a field like a family that's snow every day all right colts chargers i don't know what it is but

Speaker 1 Philip Rivers needing to score late in the fourth. It wasn't going to happen.
And then it happened because the Colts, the Chargers basically blew the game at the end. And

Speaker 1 it is our inception totem. I fucking love it.

Speaker 1 The Chargers ended up winning. And we predicted that there's going to be a quarterback that goes over the hill this year.
Turns out it's actually Adam Vincentary.

Speaker 3 There you go.

Speaker 1 He's

Speaker 1 one for three.

Speaker 1 And he made an extra point.

Speaker 3 Yeah, not great.

Speaker 3 My big takeaway was the Chargers, as an organization, have finally figured out their dream scenario, which is making money off of players' salaries by collecting fines from the starter that outweigh by many, many times what you're paying the person who's actually playing.

Speaker 3 Yeah. So like Melvin Gordon, I think, had to pay $200,000 in fines.
The backup made something like $30,000. Austin Eckler.
Nice.

Speaker 3 So the Chargers, they're like, holy shit, we are so cheap that we're actually paying negative money to this position.

Speaker 3 So that's a very dangerous place for the Chargers to end up with that knowledge. That is.
It's very powerful knowledge.

Speaker 1 Also, this was a bad game for Melvin Gordon because the Chargers' offense looked fine.

Speaker 3 Austin Eckler looked pretty good. Yes.
I think he's a perfectly average running back.

Speaker 1 That sucks, though. That's got to suck because we're going to get to the Cowboys and like how good Dak looked and all this stuff.
And obviously Ezekiel came back. But man,

Speaker 1 to have your team go out there and then not miss a beat offensively.

Speaker 3 Yeah, not great.

Speaker 3 I would show up.

Speaker 1 If I were Melvin Gordon, I would just show up to film session on Monday and be like, what?

Speaker 3 I'm still here. Yeah, like, what?

Speaker 1 Oh, that thing? No, no, no. That was a joke.

Speaker 3 Yeah, we're done. I was kidding.
We're done with that. Yeah, I'll just stay.

Speaker 1 I'll play this year. Yeah, that's fine.

Speaker 3 Also, Jacoby Brissette isn't that bad, but we do that. I think that there's something to...
They paid him like a starter, so he plays like a normal starter.

Speaker 1 He feels a little bit of responsibility.

Speaker 3 Exactly. That's how you treat people in this world.
You give them a little more extra, and then they start doing their job a little bit better. Jim Ursay looked like a pimps lawyer.

Speaker 3 Did you see his outfit he was wearing?

Speaker 1 No, but I can imagine it.

Speaker 3 A giant satin pink coat,

Speaker 3 long black sweatpants, and I'm pretty sure he was wearing black Air Force Ones.

Speaker 1 And he had probably been in L.A. all week, so just use your imagination on that one.
That's shit that he got into. By the way, shout out to Adam Vinatieri.
He had the

Speaker 3 massage gun.

Speaker 1 He was doing it on the sideline. I don't think he was injured, but that's a smart move.
If you're going to suck, just make it seem like you were injured.

Speaker 3 Yeah, and also this year, it's pretty much just free money if you're on the Colts. No one's expecting you to do anything.
It's true. So anything that happens, it's all gravy on side.

Speaker 1 Yes, it's absolutely true.

Speaker 1 Bengals, Seahawks.

Speaker 1 So Zach Taylor. Yeah,

Speaker 1 yeah. That's his name.

Speaker 1 Zach Taylor, the new look Bengals, which are kind of the old look Bengals, but I'll give him credit. He actually made John Ross good.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's true. He had that's crazy.
Well, he's fast.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, but

Speaker 1 he actually caught the ball, too.

Speaker 3 I think he realized the one key that

Speaker 3 Marvin Lewis never really got around to, which is like throw the ball to your fast players. Yes.

Speaker 3 Marvin Lewis was more like, let's hand the ball to Jeremy Hill and just have him run forward for three yards every time. Right.
But if you get the ball to a fast player, then you can do some damage.

Speaker 1 And the Seahawks, not having Earl Thomas, they look like a big 12 defense.

Speaker 1 They were just jumping and diving. The secondary just got burnt.

Speaker 1 I feel like every time we looked, the Bengals, all three of their scores felt like just ridiculous catches and then run after the catch and no one was there.

Speaker 3 Yeah, here's my overreaction: is that Zach Taylor is going to be the Bengals coach for the next six years

Speaker 3 and never make the playoffs. Ooh.
I feel like he's going to go 80.

Speaker 1 I think he'll sneak in once. You think so?

Speaker 3 Yeah. Because Dalton's window is closing.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, that's tough. That's tough to hear.

Speaker 1 I'm sure if you're a Bengals fan, trigger warning, Dalton might not be your quarterback forever.

Speaker 3 I was saying earlier today that I think Andy Dalton leads the league in terms of modern players and most tackles as a quarterback.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, Jay Cutler had that for a while.

Speaker 3 Andy Dalton, he's a shooter.

Speaker 1 He gets his head in there. Yeah.
Yeah, he does.

Speaker 3 He's not afraid to.

Speaker 1 Here's my hot take. The Seahawks are going to miss Doug Baldwin so much more than they realized, which I guess they probably realized because he retired.
He didn't get cut or anything.

Speaker 1 But it felt like every time they needed a big play, it was like, wait, where's Doug Baldwin? And Lockett was Doug Baldwin. What number was Doug Baldwin?

Speaker 3 I want to say 89, something like that.

Speaker 1 Okay, so they're different numbers, but Lockett has the same size. Yeah, they both have.
So I tricked myself into thinking it was Doug Baldwin for a second. I was like, wait, that's not Doug Baldwin.

Speaker 1 That's why you guys can't get third down conversions.

Speaker 3 Yeah, also, Clowney didn't really make an impact, did he?

Speaker 1 Kind of a bust.

Speaker 3 Yeah, kind of a bust. Are the Seahawks better without Javion Clowney?

Speaker 1 Could trade, Bill O'Brien.

Speaker 3 Pete Carroll, gum chomping at an all-time high on the sidelines today. He was going full open mouth with it.
Hell yeah, he was. He's going to bite his tongue off one of these days.

Speaker 1 He probably does.

Speaker 1 He probably has no tongue. Yeah.

Speaker 3 It started out the length of Gene Simmons, and now it's back to just a nub.

Speaker 1 Can you imagine if you're the Seahawks trainer and like every Monday morning, you're like, hey, come into the coach's office. Need you to look at my tongue.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Took a real nigga. Just get in there.
It was an overtime game. What about this? What do you guys think about this? Seahawks miss the playoffs.
Go 7-9, 6-10 this year. Pete Carroll to USC.

Speaker 1 That's Urban's job. Pete Carroll to Tennessee.
Ooh. Urban Meyer said that Tennessee was a top 10 job.

Speaker 3 He's just, he knows somebody else.

Speaker 1 Wait, let me finish in 1998. Oh, okay.
Yeah. No, not anymore.
I fucking, oh, my God. There's nothing better than we talked about last week.
I don't want to hammer college football.

Speaker 1 We got some college football coming up.

Speaker 1 Giants, Cowboys.

Speaker 1 Who decided that Cooper Manning was funny?

Speaker 3 I think we know the answer to that. Wait, wait, Big Kat, are you asking what power out there decided that one of the Manning children was going to stay on national television?

Speaker 1 I cannot believe that he actually is on TV on Sunday morning.

Speaker 3 He wears wacky suits.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I somehow catch it every time. Like, I don't watch, I do not watch any of the pregame shows.

Speaker 3 I don't have a consistent one.

Speaker 1 I pretty much just hop around, like, ooh, I haven't watched that in a while. Ooh, I want to watch ESPN to see who I can hate.
Ooh, you know, like that kind of thing.

Speaker 1 Somehow, I always land on Cooper Manning doing some fucking hijinks with someone, and it's like, why the fuck are you on TV, dude?

Speaker 3 I think we all know the answer.

Speaker 1 I know, but it makes me mad. And his fucking kid is going to be an NFL quarterback.

Speaker 3 Yeah, his kid is, what, eighth grade, ninth grade? He's unbelievable. He's unbelievable.
He's better than Eli. Yes.
So what does that have to do with

Speaker 1 the Giants brother?

Speaker 1 I just got pissed off this morning.

Speaker 3 Troy Aikman went back and forth between hating Eli Manning and loving Eli Manning so much of this game. At the start, he was like, I just don't know what Eli is doing out there.

Speaker 3 This isn't stuff a second-year player should be doing. And then at the end of the game, once they put Daniel Jones in, he made sure to make the point, you can't blame Eli today.

Speaker 3 He actually played pretty well.

Speaker 1 Well, here's what Eli did. He actually did the perfect cover-up for a shitty quarterback who's trying to keep his job.
He had 306 yards.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 You can't bench him after that. What was his past? His total QBR.

Speaker 1 30 for 44. So it's like you look at the stats and you initially, if you do knee-jerk reaction, you didn't watch the game, you say, oh, Eli wasn't that bad.

Speaker 1 But if you watch the game, especially that fourth down run where Eli just got out in the open and he was all out of moves. He had no moves.
He thought he had a move and he was completely exposed.

Speaker 1 I think he started a juke, but it was so slow, slow, I couldn't tell you if it actually was a juke.

Speaker 3 Yeah, both him and Big Ben, when they get out into the open field, they just kind of freak themselves out. But they're just like, I don't know how I got here.

Speaker 3 I don't know what to do, but I know this is bad.

Speaker 1 It's like riding a bike without your training wheels for the first time. And you start going fast.
It's like, oh, Jesus Christ, I got to jump off this bike. This is scary.
That's them running.

Speaker 1 at anything more than a light jog.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's like when you're skiing downhill on a black dive.

Speaker 1 Yeah, exactly. And you're like, oh, I'm late to be here right now.

Speaker 3 Yeah, no, I totally because I've never been there. I've never been skiing before.

Speaker 3 I did notice. Well, here's a conspiracy theory for you.
You know how mysteriously ESPN came out with their proprietary QBR metric? That makes no difference.

Speaker 1 Three or four years ago?

Speaker 1 What's a QBR

Speaker 1 out of?

Speaker 3 They won't tell you. It's out of 100.

Speaker 1 Oh, it is. So I was thinking of

Speaker 1 rating. I was thinking passer rating.
It's out of 156.

Speaker 3 We use passer rating for, I think it's 158.3 is perfect. Yeah, that's right.
You know, a natural number like that.

Speaker 1 And you can be perfect by being

Speaker 1 like six for eight, but two touchdowns.

Speaker 3 Right. Nobody knows.

Speaker 1 Like Kirk Cousins probably had a perfect passer rating.

Speaker 3 But then what they did was like three or four years ago, ESPN made their own out of 100. Right.
And they won't tell anybody what's in it.

Speaker 1 It's like the McDonald's secret sauce.

Speaker 3 But they did say that they were going to devalue things like late-game interceptions when your team's losing and you're throwing long passes that get picked off.

Speaker 3 Things that Eli Manning tends to do a lot of.

Speaker 3 I'm not saying that Archie helped develop this new stat to make his boys look better, but I think if you dig into a little bit, there's probably more evidence for it than against it.

Speaker 1 It's crazy that there's not one thing where you can just point to and be like, that's what we rate QBs.

Speaker 3 Dude, see, I test.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 That's what mine is.

Speaker 1 Eli Manning is a corpse. That's my eye test.

Speaker 3 Also, I think Kellen Moore is Jerry Jones' new best man. So Kellen Moore is officially the coach in waiting of the Dallas Football Cowboys.

Speaker 1 The Cowboys, by the way, are good.

Speaker 3 Jerry's been

Speaker 3 Jerry's been talking Kellen up a little bit.

Speaker 3 He's the key to dak's like resurgency uh before the game they let it leak that uh dak prescott they're trying to get a deal done with him in time for kickoff today which is that would have been the ultimate jerry jones thing is to just like have a giant check waiting for dak prescott in midfield like in the salvation army thing either hey he probably's like hey hey dak uh close your eyes and then like walks him out there like here's your check and dak's like wait i'm not signing for six years 20 million a year he's like aren't you surprised?

Speaker 1 Yeah, come on. Here it is.
It's right here.

Speaker 3 Hey, here's the CEO, the vice president of Dr. Pepper to hand you a giant check to Glory Hole University.

Speaker 1 As many footballs as you get through this hole, that's how many millions you get.

Speaker 3 I wouldn't put it past Jerry.

Speaker 1 No, I wouldn't put it past Jerry either. But Dak Prescott's going to make a shitload of money.

Speaker 1 And I actually think if you're Jerry Jones, don't sign him right now because he's playing for a contract. And the Cowboys.

Speaker 1 We're overreacting because it's week one and the Giants probably stink. But man, they looked good.
They looked fucking good. I think we have some breaking moves.

Speaker 1 Breaking moves.

Speaker 1 The middle football season.

Speaker 1 Breaking moves. Can't go.
I thought we were going to save this, but do you pawed?

Speaker 1 There's coming up new segment.

Speaker 1 The Red Sox have parted ways with their GM, Dave Dombroski.

Speaker 3 He won a title how many months ago?

Speaker 1 Less than 12. Yeah.
This is also the crazy thing when football season starts, you just forget that baseball exists until October. September is complete no man's land for baseball.

Speaker 3 Way to stay relevant, baseball. Yeah.
So

Speaker 3 Hank, what are your thoughts about this? Do you think they're bringing Billy Bean?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 3 No?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Okay.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 3 I never saw Moneyball.

Speaker 1 Can you give credit to PFT for nailing one GM, please? Yeah, I mean, I don't really know too many GMs either. Okay, there you go.
They should just have a robot do it.

Speaker 3 It's fucking baseball.

Speaker 1 Just have maybe they'll sign the Wonder Kid, Scott Harris, from the Cubs. He's Theo's

Speaker 1 fun story when he signed Scott Harris to be the assistant GM He's like he was 26 Yeah, and I wrote a whole blog being like fuck this guy He's an overachieving asshole He's the fucking guy who asked for homework on Friday like this guy probably hasn't had sex and had any fun in his life I like have a mutual friend that I and I ran into him like three days later He's like hey, I read that blog

Speaker 1 Okay, I've actually had sex my bad my bad whoops

Speaker 1 So Yeah, what are your thoughts? Assistant general manager Eddie Romero is going to take over. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 3 He sounds like a closer. Good baseball name.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, you know, I was going to save it for Do Your Pod, but like, if you're not going to make the playoffs two years in a row,

Speaker 3 they won the World Series last year. That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 You're only as good as this year, though, and they're not going to make the playoffs.

Speaker 3 That'd be one year.

Speaker 1 One year. One year.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. Well, no, but they're not going to make it two years in a row.

Speaker 3 No, they made it last year.

Speaker 1 They made it last year. They're not going to make it this year.
Which would make it two years in a row. No, that would make it

Speaker 1 last year.

Speaker 1 I feel like I lost it. If you made the playoffs this year, Let me make it two years in a row.

Speaker 1 If you don't make it,

Speaker 1 then they're not going to.

Speaker 3 If you're unable to make the playoffs,

Speaker 1 they're not going to be able to.

Speaker 3 They're not going to be on a street.

Speaker 1 You can't do two years in a row.

Speaker 1 If you can't make it two years in a row, you got to go. If you ever missed, they're not going to be able to.

Speaker 3 If you ever miss the playoffs, you should be fired.

Speaker 1 Correct. Okay, that's what you're saying.

Speaker 3 Okay. All right.
Sounds reasonable. Cool.

Speaker 1 Well, who's Breaking Moves brought to you by? Breaking Moves brought to you by Chocolate Milk. For real recovery, that tastes real good.
Nice. Last thought on the Giants, Cowboys?

Speaker 1 Saquon Barkley is going to be that Hall of Famer where we're all like, man, I feel bad for that guy.

Speaker 3 I wish he was on a better team.

Speaker 1 He even had an Unreal Run to start the game, and then they just stopped giving it to him.

Speaker 3 Just don't name your kids Barkley. This type of shit is going to follow him around.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 My last note is, did you see Jason Garrett when he threw the challenge flag and then he picked it up before the refs noticed?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 3 Yes, so it hit the ground. Great move.
And he was trying to challenge something. They didn't see it.
And so he quietly picked it back up.

Speaker 3 If you're Pat Shermer, can you throw a challenge flag to have them go back and do a video review to see if Jason Garrett's challenge flag hit the ground? Ooh.

Speaker 1 That would be so a challenge flag off.

Speaker 3 We need to get Dean Blandino on the show or Mike Pereira after a couple Titos to walk us through that one. I mean, that's every day.
It's like, yeah. He wakes up all the time.

Speaker 1 He's always right after a couple Titos.

Speaker 3 Also, I don't like Ezekiel Elliott's nose ring.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Here's why. It goes through the side.

Speaker 1 Oh, he kind of looks...

Speaker 3 Yeah. It goes through the side, so he loses like 1% of oxygen through that hole.
Alvin Kamara has one, but it goes through the middle, so it's a closed system. He retains his oxygen.
Okay.

Speaker 1 All right. I'll allow it.

Speaker 3 Wastes a lot of Coke, though, probably.

Speaker 1 Lions, Cardinals, tie.

Speaker 1 Fucking tie. We got to tie week one.
I bet on this game, so I was very, very mad. Actually, we had a tie week one last year.

Speaker 3 So I like ties.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, no, I love ties. I don't like it when I lose bets, but I love ties.

Speaker 1 The overreaction was Kyler Murray was the worst quarterback of all time in the first half, even though his offensive lineman sacked him,

Speaker 1 which was an unreal move.

Speaker 3 That's why you have to measure your vertical leap ability as an offensive lineman to see if you can get up that high.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and then the second half, he was unbelievable. So, Cliff Kingsbury, you hot smug prick, good job.

Speaker 3 Dare I say a little sloater magic in the second half for Kyler Murray?

Speaker 1 He looked pretty good.

Speaker 3 He did look pretty good.

Speaker 1 Larry Fitzgerald looked like he's never going to retire, so we're going to have to keep talking about Larry Fitzgerald and when he will retire. And his big old butt and his big old booty.

Speaker 3 So three-quarters of bad Kyler, one and a half of good good Kyler. So 75% he's a bust.
Yes. 75% chance Kyler Murray's a bust right now.

Speaker 1 Danny Amendola, fuck you. Yeah.
I've never seen a more bonehead play.

Speaker 3 He hates sidelines.

Speaker 1 He hates sidelines. The Lions actually looked good, and then...

Speaker 3 He's the opposite of Ted Jin. Yeah.
He's Ted Tonic.

Speaker 1 That was immense. I know they probably wouldn't have been able to win the game, but still, that was...
That was one of those moves. Like, what is he thinking?

Speaker 1 Oh, he probably has Cardinals plus two and a half.

Speaker 3 Matt Patricia, terrible posture on the sidelines with his single crutch tipping over. Between him and Cliff Kingsbury, two very distinct looks.
How do you sell a tie week one?

Speaker 1 Like the Cardinals can sell it because they're not supposed to win any games. So a tie is like, ooh, this is awesome.

Speaker 1 But to the Lions, especially when you were playing really well and kicking the shit out of them, and now you have to sell a tie.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's like kissing your sister.

Speaker 1 TJ Hawkinson, by the way, is awesome.

Speaker 1 So good job, Lions. You took a tight end way too high, and everyone laughed at you, but it looks like he's going to be awesome.

Speaker 3 There's something to build on there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's something to build on there.

Speaker 1 All right, two more games. 49ers Bucks.
Jameis Winston fucking stinks. That guy stinks.
He is addicted to turnovers. He's addicted to throwing the ball to the other team.
Do you turn over a problem?

Speaker 3 You like turnovers? Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is still an all-time clip.

Speaker 3 Jim Harbaugh. Jim Harbaugh just asking and trying to get misinterpreted.

Speaker 1 He has a sex problem.

Speaker 3 Jim Harbaugh trying to get to the center of Jameis Winston's psyche.

Speaker 3 Jim Harbaugh just thinks if you look somebody deep enough in the eye and you ask them the same question over and over again, you'll get the answer eventually.

Speaker 3 You're right. No, Jameis looked like shit.
His hands look smaller somehow than last year.

Speaker 1 I don't think you can fix him. Everyone says Bruce Aaron is going to fix him.

Speaker 1 How do you fix a guy who, like one in every five passes, he says, ooh, I haven't thrown it dangerously close to the other team in a while. Let me do that.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 he has that thing that he can never, ever get out coach. You can never coach it out of Jameis.

Speaker 1 That when shit really goes poorly and he's running around the pocket, he will absolutely always throw it up in air like he's playing 500.

Speaker 1 He did that last pick six because he had two was one of those ones like, what are you doing, dude?

Speaker 3 What are you doing? And I think Arians is like his whole philosophy is just fuck it, throw the ball deep. Right.
That's what Arians likes to do.

Speaker 3 So putting him together with Jameis, you're either going to get something really, really good or you're going to get just like a big cauldron of shit that takes the place of your football team for an entire year.

Speaker 3 I don't think it's good. And we were looking up who the backups are on the Bucs right now.
Ryan Griffin. Ryan Griffin.

Speaker 1 And Blaine Gavard.

Speaker 3 Who's hurt? Gabbard's hurt. So Ryan Griffin, he doesn't have anybody pushing him.

Speaker 1 You're coming. No, Ryan Griffin's going to be on.
You think so?

Speaker 1 He's going to do it because Jameis,

Speaker 1 at some point, it just has to drive you insane.

Speaker 1 Jameis plays... the NFL like he's still playing like week two in college against University of Louisiana Monroe.
Where he's like, I have better athletes than everyone.

Speaker 1 If I throw this ball up, one of my guys will get it.

Speaker 3 Well, if you saw the FSU game against Louisiana Monroe, it didn't really work out for him.

Speaker 1 No. But it's insane to watch him play.
And the other thing with this game, we don't know if Jimmy G's good still.

Speaker 3 No,

Speaker 3 he's kind of stunk. My entire notes about the 49ers is just 49ers looked okay, I guess.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Jimmy G was not very good.

Speaker 3 Kittle looked pretty good. Of course he did because he's a CS.

Speaker 1 Our friends always look good.

Speaker 3 That's true.

Speaker 1 But Jimmy G, still don't know. Yeah.

Speaker 1 it's a big question mark. All right, last game.

Speaker 1 I mean, the Patriots are going to win the Super Bowl again. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That was in.

Speaker 3 Listen, the Patriots are their wagon. It's unfair that they already have Josh Gordon and Julian Edelman.

Speaker 1 And they're going to get

Speaker 1 Brown and Bronx back and Sony Michelle.

Speaker 1 James Boyton. What do you want to say about it?

Speaker 1 It's insane. It's kind of boring.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. All right.
Well, this is a perfect segue to Antonio Brown.

Speaker 3 I just declared myself to be a Patriots. I'm trying it on for a second.

Speaker 1 You're on every team. No, I know.
Dolphins, Packers, Patriots. I own

Speaker 3 the Packers. I'm a fan of the Patriots this year.
And their divisional rivalry. And their divisional rival, but that's fine.

Speaker 3 Listen, don't judge me as a fan. You don't get to do that.
I'm pan-fans.

Speaker 1 The coach was a Patriot coach, so it's like. Yeah, that's true.
Yeah, true. So I just follow them.

Speaker 3 Exactly. So I like the Dolphins.
Yeah, I like the Dolphins. I like the Lions.
I did notice that Bill Belichick was wearing a cut-off shirt underneath a cut-off shirt today.

Speaker 3 I don't know what the hell he's doing. I don't know how he gets dressed,

Speaker 3 if he has mirrors in his house. The Steelers are just.
He looks like he gets hunted down by a dog on the way to the stadium every day.

Speaker 1 Mike Tomlin, you're down 20 to nothing, and you kicked a field goal.

Speaker 1 You went from a three-score game to a three-score game.

Speaker 3 That's insane. Listen, points are better than no points.
Mike Tomlin, would you disagree?

Speaker 1 Mike Tomlin essentially

Speaker 1 did the dog park. I'm going to roll on my back and let you sniff my belly because you own me.

Speaker 1 That was the biggest white flag I've ever seen.

Speaker 3 It was Banner Night.

Speaker 1 How do you not go for it on Fort Down there just for pride? Do you have any pride?

Speaker 3 Well, I'll tell you, on Banner Night, it's a different environment in Foxborough. Oh, excuse me, Fox's Boroughs.
How do you spell it? F-O-X-S-B-O-R-O-U-G-H. Nailed it.

Speaker 3 Is that how Antonio Brown spelled it?

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 we should segue to Antonio Brown, the newest Patriot.

Speaker 1 All this news actually happened since our last show.

Speaker 1 He's insane.

Speaker 3 He's insane. But is he insane like a fox?

Speaker 1 He's insane like a fox. So since we last taped, he recorded John Gruden illegally.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Shout out to Bill Belichick.

Speaker 1 California, you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Immediately endeared him to the Patriot Way.

Speaker 1 Dual consent state.

Speaker 1 He posted that video. That was the greatest video I've ever seen.
Fire video. Yes.

Speaker 1 Antonio Brown, I think, is more into being like a video guy than a football player at this point. Great for for a receiver on the Patriots.
Yeah, he.

Speaker 1 All of his videos are awesome, and he's always being taped. Like, even the release was that.

Speaker 1 And so, essentially, Mike Mayok, find him, conduct detrimental, which made it so that he no longer had guaranteed money. So he was essentially playing week to week with the Raiders.

Speaker 1 Then he said, release me. They released him.

Speaker 1 I mean, Mike Mayok, I don't even know who looks bad here because we've talked about it on Friday's show, but the Raiders knew what they were getting and they completely, I feel like they mismanaged it.

Speaker 1 I feel like it all went really south when Mike Mayock did his, you're either all in or you're all out.

Speaker 3 I'm going to be the tough guy and I'm going to be the heavy. The thing about Antonio Brown is he's been obsessed with the Patriots for the last three, four years.
He just, he loves Tom Brady.

Speaker 3 He loved Tom Brady more than he loved Ben Rothlessberger when he was catching passes from Ben Rothlessberger. He's been obsessed with the team.

Speaker 3 His whole mission was to get on the, he wanted to be on the Patriots starting this offseason.

Speaker 3 That's where he he wanted to go, but of course, the Patriots or the Steelers weren't going to trade over there. And so he's like, you know what?

Speaker 3 They're going to give me $30 million guaranteed in Oakland. Yeah, I'll try that on.
And then he gets out there, and then he hires a social media team to help him figure out how to fuck with me.

Speaker 3 He shows up in a hot air balloon. Yeah, which, by the way, hire us for that shit.

Speaker 3 We will charge whatever, like half of whatever you're paying your team right now.

Speaker 1 We will fucking John Gruden.

Speaker 3 I would get you kicked out of Oakland. Do you know how many places I've been kicked out of Oakland?

Speaker 1 You wasted time.

Speaker 3 It's a natural talent of mine to be asked to leave nice places.

Speaker 1 He did hot air balloon, burnt his feet with ice. Yep.

Speaker 1 Helmets. Helmetgate.

Speaker 3 He videotaped. Double helmet gate.
Yeah, double helmet gate. He unfriended Big Ben.
He dyed his mustache. Yep.

Speaker 1 He unfollowed all the Raiders.

Speaker 1 He had to do some awkward things with Derek Carr where they pretended to like each other.

Speaker 1 Derek Carr probably's like, man, I thought we really got along. Yeah.
He definitely doesn't understand what happened.

Speaker 3 He called Mike Mayock the cracker, Hank Bleep Outro.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, I forgot. That feels like so long ago.
We had Crackergate on Friday.

Speaker 3 Friday was Crackergate.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and then

Speaker 1 a bunch of people being mad, like, wait, why can Antonio Brown say cracker? Yeah, but Riley Cooper.

Speaker 3 But Riley Cooper doesn't get a second chance.

Speaker 1 Riley Cooper trending was... Although

Speaker 3 that was a big stray, but I feel like when you go down that path, you accept a lifetime of strays.

Speaker 1 Was there anyone who was real who was trying to make the Riley Cooper analogy?

Speaker 3 About how he was

Speaker 1 Riley Cooper got kicked out of the NFL because he didn't he didn't no he already signed no Riley Cooper had he went he got a contract he got a contract he went to rehab for being racist for like three weeks and I came back but I never know when you see Riley Cooper trending I don't know if it's because someone's saying like it's people saying

Speaker 1 uh you all think Riley Cooper can do this and then totally like you're you're uh correlating them but was every anyone correlating I don't I don't know exactly what you're getting at but I'm trying to say like what where did the Riley Cooper trending even start?

Speaker 3 Oh, I don't know. I think people just remember who's patient zero on that.

Speaker 1 Did someone have a spicy take about Riley Cooper? Because I couldn't understand.

Speaker 3 Absolutely no idea.

Speaker 1 I was like, how are these even close to the same?

Speaker 3 I'm thinking about redoing the Chris Rock bit, but just doing what are the differences between crackers and white people?

Speaker 1 Triscuits.

Speaker 3 There you go. Triscuits, Ritz.

Speaker 1 You want to power rank your favorite crackers? Triscuits.

Speaker 3 I feel like Cheez-Its. Number one.

Speaker 1 Cheez-Its are not a cracker.

Speaker 3 Fuck you.

Speaker 1 They are cheese-its. They're on the cracker.
Next time. They're cheese crackers.
All right.

Speaker 3 You know who'd have his strongest? Mike Mayock, big.

Speaker 1 That's the best part is Mike Mayock is a cracker.

Speaker 3 He's absolutely a cracker.

Speaker 1 That's the first thing.

Speaker 3 Like he's a cracker. The first thing that I saw when it said

Speaker 3 Mike Mayok is the cracker. The definition of a cracker.
Dude, you're a honky and a cracker. And listen, as a cracker myself, I can say that word.
I can

Speaker 1 take back

Speaker 1 that word. Spot the lie.
Mike Mayok's a cracker. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Now, I don't think he's a honky, though.

Speaker 1 Oh, you don't? No. I don't know.
I don't really know the definition.

Speaker 1 I just know Mike Mayock's a cracker.

Speaker 3 No, you got to have some sort of twang to yourself to be a hockey. Got it.
Like, I think Freddie Kitchens is a hockey.

Speaker 1 Got it. Okay, that makes sense.
So, Mike Max. Mike Max cracker.

Speaker 3 Jerry Jones is a hockey-ass cracker.

Speaker 1 Yes, he is. Big time.

Speaker 3 No, Jerry Jones is the man, but not like in the good. He is actually the

Speaker 1 man.

Speaker 1 Right, right. So, Hank, your prediction for Antonio Brown on the Patriots: Antonio Brown, Josh Gordon, do both of them play 16 games?

Speaker 1 Or Antonio Brown obviously didn't play nights, so 15 in his in his case. Yes.
Yes.

Speaker 3 Interesting. Okay.
Interesting. You confident about that?

Speaker 1 You don't think

Speaker 1 18 and 1 is my official preseason prediction. Oh, so you lost in the Super Bowl again? That's tough.
No.

Speaker 3 How'd you put that curse? Don't put that evil on the play.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's a weird thing to pick. I think they're going to lose a random regular season game, and that'll be it.

Speaker 3 What if they lost to Eli and the Jaguars?

Speaker 1 Three lives in the playoffs. Three lives.

Speaker 1 No, they're not going to lose in the playoffs. They're going to lose a random, like, whatever week, like, 14 regular season games.

Speaker 3 People forget forget they almost lost that Jaguars team just a couple years ago.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, that was the boat, but he's not initiated anymore. He's passed on to the Ramps.

Speaker 3 I'm going to read a quote real quick, and you guys can tell me who you think it's from.

Speaker 1 Did you see Big Ben's most recent quote? No. He just got asked in the post game what he thought of Antonio Brown joining these guys, meaning the Patriots, and he said, whatever.

Speaker 1 Big Ben, by the way,

Speaker 1 his face is so fat. Whatever.
It's getting fatter and fatter.

Speaker 1 It's bad. I can't wait till Big Ben retires and it's just...

Speaker 1 He's going to do the opposite of like the Schlerich. Well, the thing, yeah.

Speaker 1 He's going to be just even fatter.

Speaker 3 Big Ben's going to be in a scooter getting around, like one of those rascal ones that you used to drive Big Cat with him, like probably three years after retirement.

Speaker 1 All right, do the quote, but make it the SeatGeek quote. Okay, this is.

Speaker 3 Promo code take. This is the SeatGeek quote.
Use promo code take.

Speaker 3 You tell me who this is for.

Speaker 1 $10 off, promo code take.

Speaker 3 $10 off, whatever game you want to go. If you want to go up and sit in the nosebleeds and gawk at Big Ben's giant wide-ass neck, use SeatGeek.
Here's a quote: I'm not joking. I believe A.B.

Speaker 3 wants to return to Pittsburgh. You always want your old girlfriend back.

Speaker 1 Always.

Speaker 3 Big Ben curled A.B.'s toes. Who? You never forget the girl who did that.
He sucked him off.

Speaker 1 Okay, so

Speaker 3 that was

Speaker 1 Mr. Rooney, whichever Rooney.

Speaker 3 It was Jason Whitlock. Oh, shit.
You never forget the girl who made your toes curl. Now, I don't know who Jason Whitlock's been fucking, but it's not exactly.

Speaker 1 It's not hard to strip clubs a lot.

Speaker 3 It's not hard to make a guy come. Right.
To make a guy's toes curl. That's just like anything.

Speaker 1 Right. And I actually, they curl all the time when I have a Charlie horse.
Yeah. And I haven't been drinking enough water.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's my. Ah, fuck.
Sometimes I just curl. I get some reps in for just toe curls for some exercise.

Speaker 1 I actually thought that Pittsburgh

Speaker 1 would work for them because in all of this, in all the Antonio Brown madness and the Raiders and all that stuff, I think we owe Mike Tomlin an apology.

Speaker 1 I think he actually dealt with Antonio Brown the way that you have to deal with a receiver that talented and kind of a little out there.

Speaker 3 Just kind of ignored it for a while.

Speaker 1 Just let the little, don't sweat the small stuff. You know what I mean? Don't worry.

Speaker 1 If he doesn't show up to practice or he punts a ball at Big Ben or he gets mad that he's not the MVP, don't sweat the small stuff because if you make a big deal of it, then he's going to make an even bigger deal of it.

Speaker 1 And that's what the Raiders did. They basically did, like, they got into a chicken off with Antonio Brown, and he's going to win.

Speaker 3 It's like if you're a teacher and you have a kid in your class that's always on his phone checking his bank account, like Antonio Brown was, or whatever, that's a great day at work for you.

Speaker 3 That's like a good behavior day for that kid. You're like, I'm going to let this slide.
I'm not going to give him detention over this because otherwise he'll try to stab me with a pencil.

Speaker 1 Did you see Andrew Siciliano had a terrible tweet where he was like,

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, he said, Yeah, this is an awful lesson for the kids. I actually think it's the best lesson in the world because it's a perfect life lesson.

Speaker 1 If you're extremely talented at something, you can probably get away with more than everyone else.

Speaker 3 That's a tough lesson.

Speaker 1 You should learn sooner. You should learn sooner rather than learn it sooner.

Speaker 3 Yeah, if you are extremely valuable and exceptionally talented at your given work yeah you probably can get away with yes not getting fired is sorry participation trophy for being super talented yeah that's the way the world works that's how it goes that's a lesson that probably people should learn here's what i'm concerned about though if i'm the patriots antonio brown was trending on twitter for i think about eight days non-stop i don't think there was a single day that was insane there was not a day that went by first of all i'm i'm going through a b news withdrawals yes feels like it's been forever since i've gotten an update from him um but for him the going cold turkey from having all that to absolutely none in New England until they get to play in a week against the Dolphins.

Speaker 1 Hank.

Speaker 3 You can't just go.

Speaker 1 That will drop a vid.

Speaker 3 At least he doesn't have the Jeremy Ritter app to post his feelings on under.

Speaker 1 Dude, he's got a content addiction. You deal with two people who have content addictions.
Do you think we could do that? No chance. Go off the patient.
But the Patriots are pro-content now. What?

Speaker 1 Brady's in the content content. Edelman's in it.
Josh Gordon puts an electric control for the game. Content or content.

Speaker 3 It's a callback to last week's episode.

Speaker 1 Content and content. Well, there is no difference.
They're spelled the exact same. Yes.

Speaker 3 You're right. I'm not going to sweat the small stuff for the problem.

Speaker 1 But no, they're pro content now. Okay.
All right.

Speaker 3 I feel bad for Antonio Brown's kids for having to learn a new quarterback name.

Speaker 3 They're still on Rothlessburg. They're just going to be like, is that Derek Carter?

Speaker 1 Well, because they'll probably watch the game tonight, too. They're like, there's Roethlisberg.

Speaker 3 They'll actually know. They will know that whoever Tom Brady is, that's not Derek Carls.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes. Okay, let's do our who's back and a little college football before we do that.
What's up, guys? It's Big Cat here making my Irish entrance with proper number 12 Irish whiskey.

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Speaker 1 In the mood for something smooth but a little sweeter, try proper Irish apple, a delicious blend of proper's award-winning Irish whiskey with crisp, fresh notes of apple.

Speaker 1 So get out there and make your Irish entrance. Anything else just wouldn't be proper.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 quick college football. Coacho, LSU, Air Rado, Wagons.

Speaker 3 Yes. New look offense.

Speaker 1 Looks great.

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 1 Joe Burrow, MVP,

Speaker 1 Heisman. Heisman.
Well, Jack Cohen's going to win the Heisman. Five-star recruit out of Long Island.
Probably heard of him. That's true, yeah.
I heard of him.

Speaker 3 Joe Burrow looks like a Heisman guy. Yeah.
Last year,

Speaker 3 he was solid, right? He was okay last year. Pretty good learning that offense.
This year, he looks fucking amazing.

Speaker 1 Who did the sideline for that game? Was that Maria Taylor? Yes. She's so tall.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 She's so tall.

Speaker 1 She didn't let Coach O say good. I have the video.
I was so angry. That's the go Tigers at the end of an LSU win from Coach O is the nut.
It is. And he said it too.

Speaker 1 He said it, and she took her mic away.

Speaker 1 You can't do that. You can't do that.
We needed that. Coach O, LSU.
Something about LSU, when they get going, their colors and everything is just so much fun.

Speaker 1 Texas was almost back for a second, for a brief second. They're almost back.
The other big game was Army almost embarrassed Michigan at Michigan.

Speaker 1 But now Army does this every year, so Michigan can just say, well, we still get to go to the college playoff because Oklahoma did that last year where they lost, or they won in overtime against Army.

Speaker 3 Yeah, no, I think that Michigan gets to move forward. It's good that this happened early on in the year.
Yeah. Sorry for respecting the troops too much.

Speaker 1 Also, Wisconsin's back, and I'm starting to get feelings, so get ready for me to break my heart.

Speaker 3 Going back to Coach O real quick, did you notice how he just kind of glows under the lights? Yes. That's so awesome.

Speaker 3 He's not sweating, I don't think so. No, I think it's just a glow.

Speaker 1 It just illuminates his head. It's almost like being under a

Speaker 1 heat lamp for French fries.

Speaker 3 Or he's like a lizard that's been out in the sun and changes color to the rock.

Speaker 1 He's sitting on that rock, that hot rock, all day. He's a friend with the sun.
Making friends with the sun.

Speaker 3 He's becoming one with the sun.

Speaker 1 He's got to spend time with it.

Speaker 3 And also, I got a problem with Texas's field. I tweeted this at Jake because I wanted to get a Pantone check.
Because Texas's field always looks weird to me. Right.
I didn't know why.

Speaker 3 Somebody pointed out that the color situation on the broadcast cameras changed at Texas depending on what network is running the game.

Speaker 1 This is like Fox HD being shitty.

Speaker 3 It's like a mood field. It changes depending on how back Texas is.
It's like in last night or Saturday night I saw it. I was like, they're not back because that field looks like baby diarrhea.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, so officially not back.

Speaker 3 Nice try, Texas. Nice try.
You almost has food for us.

Speaker 1 Almost had it. Oh, also, I went to Clemson, and I'm here to report.
I scouted in person. Go Tigers.
I think Trevor Lawrence is going to be a a good quarterback. You think so? Yep.
Future Bear.

Speaker 1 Scouted in person.

Speaker 3 Maybe Future Bear.

Speaker 1 Shut up.

Speaker 1 Clemson's cool. Yeah.

Speaker 3 They got a rock.

Speaker 1 I went to Dabo World. I went to their facility.
It's insane. I tweeted at Hank.
Full whiffleball field in back for the players. Which seems dangerous.
Seems dangerous, but it's very cool.

Speaker 1 The rock is cool. The only thing I would say is I don't like stadiums where one of the end zones isn't

Speaker 3 filled in. Yeah, but that's because the players have to watch.

Speaker 1 I know, but it doesn't feel like

Speaker 3 it feels like it.

Speaker 1 It feels less intimidating. Wisconsin used to have that, then they closed it in.
Like, there's teams do that where they, you know, old stadiums and they close it in to get the sound in. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It just feels less intimidating.

Speaker 3 But can you talk about the swirling winds since you have like an open end zone?

Speaker 1 The wind swirls.

Speaker 3 It feels tougher visiting kicker.

Speaker 1 No, no, it just doesn't feel as intimidating. I'm just going to say it.

Speaker 1 I love stadiums. I love to look at stadiums.
I went there the night before just to look at the empty stadium. It's a cool place.

Speaker 1 It's got a, you know, a cool tailgate area where it just goes on forever, but would have liked maybe a second deck in that end zone.

Speaker 3 Okay, so next.

Speaker 3 If you want to make Big Cat happy when he builds up your stadium for a quarter, build it.

Speaker 1 Build a full step. Make sure the bowl is full.
Build the stage. Unless you're Maxion, then just put up some aluminum benches and that's cool.

Speaker 3 Actually, the emptier a stadium is during Maxion, I think

Speaker 3 the more intense the atmosphere. I want to hear a pin drop.
The Macmosphere.

Speaker 1 Yes. All right, let's do who's back.
Hank, go. My who's back, I have two.
My first one is Rafa.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Talking to him.
Not the GOAT. He won the U.S.
Open, which means he now has five major titles since his 30th birthday. The most

Speaker 1 by any person after their 30th birthday. Oh, so Federer's not even the second GOAT.

Speaker 1 It's Jokovich and then Rafael. And Rafa, Federer, and Federer.
And then there's a drop-off. No, it's a big drop-off.

Speaker 3 It's A, and then one for the first time.

Speaker 1 What's Rafa and Federer's status? Rafa has won five major titles since his 30th birthday, the most by anyone after their 30th birthday. What did they say? Well, that's when the U.S.

Speaker 1 30 at it is. Rafa is one for one in his last major titles.
Jokovich quit.

Speaker 1 He's got her. He's quit.

Speaker 3 Like a little Andrew Luck. He was like, my shoulder hurts.

Speaker 1 Wait, he's got five? He's got five after he was 30?

Speaker 3 You should hear what Dan Dokic had to say about fucking Jokovich.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, Rafa's the goat. My other.

Speaker 3 Jokovich? No, just Joker.

Speaker 3 I don't want to say that he hasn't definitively.

Speaker 1 I don't know that fucking fact. Jokovich.
By the way, Jokovich has three and he's 32. So that will be another stat that he breaks.
But not right now. Rafa's the the goat.

Speaker 1 My other who's back is Mama Mentality.

Speaker 1 Okay. Kobe Bryant is probably

Speaker 1 the best.

Speaker 3 Yeah, Mama Mentality's back.

Speaker 1 I don't know if you want that.

Speaker 1 He became the Mamba after.

Speaker 3 Yeah, Ben Rocky's lost tonight.

Speaker 1 Can I explain, please? Okay, please. He is the coach of his daughter's AAU team, which is called the Mambas.

Speaker 1 And he posted a picture today, and the caption was: two years ago, we lost to the same team 22-21. And in the picture, it's his team celebrating, and the scoreboard is in the background.

Speaker 1 The score is home team 115, the visitor, 27.

Speaker 3 Oh, good sportsmanship.

Speaker 1 So this team lost two years ago and these girls are like 10 to 12 years old and then Kobe's come back

Speaker 1 absolutely killing 115 to 27 in a girl's

Speaker 1 no older than 13 year old basketball.

Speaker 1 That is mamba mentality.

Speaker 1 I want to find the guy who basically toiled away in creating black mamba art for his entire life and then one day something happened in Colorado and Kobe Bryant decided that he was going to become the mamba and then decided and then that guy became like a millionaire because Kobe has

Speaker 1 you you saw it Hank there's mambas everywhere he has every mamba sculpture that's ever been created and piece of art and so he just he and now his team's now did he commission that stuff or no no already exist there's someone there's someone who's made a windfall from kobe becoming the mamba there's a mamba because of the thing there's a mamba industrial complex

Speaker 1 that's been developed around the cult of kobe yeah like you go to a dinner party in new New Mexico, and you're like, oh, I want to introduce you to this artist. And the guy's like, hey,

Speaker 1 know Kobe's Mamba stuff?

Speaker 3 That's me. Well, now

Speaker 3 this is the second windfall because Dwight Howard's in town and he's a snake guy, so he's going to buy up all the Lucy's.

Speaker 1 If he became the,

Speaker 1 it would be so Dwight Howard to call himself the black mamba. Yeah.
Well,

Speaker 1 Dwight Howard would be a bad guy.

Speaker 1 I'm the big mamba.

Speaker 3 He's probably not a mamba snake guy. He's like, I want snakes, but not poisonous ones.
I want the ones that give you great big hugs. Yes.

Speaker 1 Yes. So don't get stricter.
Yeah. Yeah.
Is that it?

Speaker 3 Trap you. Yeah.
That's it. Okay.
PFT. My first who's back of the week is your television checking to make sure that you're alive on Sundays.
So when the icon pops up and it's like, hey,

Speaker 3 I've noticed that you haven't changed a channel in four hours. Is everything okay? Fuck yes, it is.
You should know this by now. Don't be a bitch, television.
I'm fine. Yep, absolutely.

Speaker 3 If anything, you should ask, like, can I order you some food? Yes.

Speaker 3 That would be awesome, wouldn't it?

Speaker 3 If you're one of these big shot TV designers, just have something pop up on the screen. That's one click to order pizza.

Speaker 1 It's like the Virgin Atlantic menu comes up. It's like, would you like a snack? Would you like a Diet Coke? Yeah.

Speaker 3 Excuse me, sir. I couldn't help but notice that your afternoon is awesome.
Could I make it a little bit better?

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 3 My other who's back of the week is Robert Griffin third. Yes.
Yes. RG3.
So RG3 got in. Here's his stat line.
Six for six, 55 yards, one touchdown, no interceptions. QBR, 99.7.

Speaker 1 QBR. One new baby from Greta.
One new baby from Greta. He's a proud pop-up.

Speaker 3 And I'm going to count that as a quarterback save. It's a new stat I just made up right now.

Speaker 1 Where he just didn't blow a 50-point lead?

Speaker 3 Well, his QBR is also 0.3 higher than the starter.

Speaker 3 So I think if you come in and you have a higher total rating, which we discussed earlier is a metric that makes total sense, then you should get a quarterback save. So he leads the league in saves.

Speaker 1 I like that. All right, My Who's back is I hate gambling and I'm quitting.
Okay. Until tomorrow night.

Speaker 3 Well, the Lions did that to you.

Speaker 1 It's the fucking worst. NFL Sundays are are war.
And I don't mean that literally. Marlin's man, sorry, don't get mad.

Speaker 3 It's probably tougher.

Speaker 1 But it's a mental grind, and I fucking hate it. I mean, you can't figure out the NFL.
You cannot. And I know it's just week one, but

Speaker 1 I'm already tapping. And I know I'll be back tomorrow night, but I'm already just dead.
I'm dead from the NFL.

Speaker 3 We covered the over-under against Iraq, but or no, we covered the spread against Iraq. Right.
The over-under was, that was a bad beat.

Speaker 1 It's fucking tough.

Speaker 1 It's terrible. Yeah.

Speaker 3 It is tough. Listen, I believe in you.
It's a long season. Get it out of the way.
Remember when I said I loved the board?

Speaker 1 Although, my guaranteed, I'm going to start doing that every week. My guaranteed cannot lose no matter what money line parlay.
That one.

Speaker 1 Which was Seahawks, Ravens, Eagles.

Speaker 3 Okay, easy. There you go.
You're 1-0.

Speaker 1 Except the Seahawks almost lost.

Speaker 3 Dude, you're 1-0.

Speaker 1 Yeah, 1-0. 1-0 for those.

Speaker 1 Just say everything.

Speaker 3 1-0 for guarantees. Fucking man.

Speaker 1 I love it, but I hate it, but I love it. I can't wait for tomorrow night.
I love the Texas.

Speaker 3 Is this the year of the parlay for you? Just parlay everything.

Speaker 1 Dude, if you become a parlay guy, you have to change your entire wardrobe. You do.

Speaker 3 Why? What's the difference?

Speaker 1 It's like parlay guys just

Speaker 1 actually jumps through January. Those are parlay guys.
Oh, I like it, yeah. Yeah.
So you have to do that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right. And you just have to constantly talk about how your $10 parlay that would have won $25,000 missed because one team lost.
Okay. I can do that.

Speaker 3 It feels like I'd be really good at that.

Speaker 1 It's a good time. It's a good time.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Let's do some segments. You got a little something before? Yeah, before we get into segments.

Speaker 1 I was going to say we have Football Guy of the Week on segments. I'm not going back to college to be your friend.
I'm going so I can get Uber One for students. It saves you on Uber and Uber Eats.

Speaker 1 I'm there for $0 delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 10% off smoothies, and 6% Uber credits back on rides. Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think college is for.

Speaker 5 Get Uber One for students, a membership to save on Uber and Uber Eats. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student.
Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary.

Speaker 5 Eligibility and member terms apply.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's do some segments, wrap up the show. We first have Football Guy of the Week.
Vote for Football Guy of the Week. We're going to tweet out the poll.
Week one's winner was Hugh Freeze.

Speaker 1 We'll try to get week two's winner on. I don't know if we will be able to because there's some good, well-known coaches.
Actually, no, we should be able to. Okay.

Speaker 1 First nominee, Army coach, Jeff Monkin. We talked about Army.
They went to overtime against Michigan as a 22-point underdog. He told his team

Speaker 1 before the game in the locker room, talking about playing in front of 100,000-plus fans. Yep.
There's a billion people in China that couldn't care less about what happens in this game on Saturday.

Speaker 1 So let's just have fun and play our very best. It's a fact.
It's like the Andrew Whitworth. We're all going to die.

Speaker 3 We're all going to die somewhere.

Speaker 3 Who the fuck cares? One billion people in China.

Speaker 1 One billion people.

Speaker 3 But they will care because there will be a a lot of people if the game goes to overtime streaming on their iPhones. And so it'll run the batteries down faster.

Speaker 3 It'll use a lot of data, which means you have to buy more iPhones from China.

Speaker 1 I had a teacher once tell me that if you could sell a Coke for a dollar to every single person in China, you'd be a billionaire. And that fucked me up because I was like, that's easy.

Speaker 3 Yeah, better. It's not.
But then you have to get a billion Cokes for free

Speaker 3 to do that. True.
The math is tough. But it fucked me up.
It does make sense, though. Just like perspective, the ultimate perspective.

Speaker 3 It might look like a lot of people in the stands here, but in reality,

Speaker 3 it's not that many people. Right.
That's what I think about when I do this show.

Speaker 1 Yeah, maybe that's a new Dana, Coach Dana, will try to get him to do that. Be like, hey, guys, it might feel like there's a lot of people here, but

Speaker 1 a million people listen to Pardon My Take.

Speaker 3 Think about that. That's a good point.
Yeah. That's crazy.
Yeah, at this Houston game, there are only 35,000 people. Yeah.
But imagine how many

Speaker 3 could be talking about you. Yes.
Listen, if you lose Houston, we're going to talk about you for the entire show. Yeah.
And then that's going to be tough for you to deal with.

Speaker 1 Don't lose.

Speaker 1 Bill's

Speaker 1 D-tackle Ed Oliver wore a shirt that spelled chip on his shoulder.

Speaker 1 Yeah. He had a chip on his shoulder.

Speaker 3 He literally had a chip on his shoulder.

Speaker 1 It's good that he... Does he have a jacket, by the way? Because speaking of Houston, remember he got his jacket stolen from him? Oh, that's true.

Speaker 1 Was it Major Applewhite? Wouldn't let him put on the jacket.

Speaker 3 Wouldn't let him put on the big, like the puffy jacket. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I like the chip on the shoulder. It's a good blue-collar move.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Why not? Literal chip on the shoulder. Bill Belichick.

Speaker 3 There's also, there's a guy in the NFL who plays on the Cowboys, or he used to.

Speaker 3 He had a tattoo of a chip on his shoulder. You should get that.
Yeah. You should get that.
That's pretty sick.

Speaker 1 Bill Belichick.

Speaker 3 If Chip Kelly wins a Super Bowl, I'll get a chip tattoo.

Speaker 1 Done. Bill Belichick, probably the best quote ever.
On being asked about football season, this was last week before football season started. He said, I like football.

Speaker 1 I like football season and all the things that go with it.

Speaker 3 It's a great Tinder bio.

Speaker 1 Totally agree. Yeah.
I like all the things that go with football season.

Speaker 3 Swipe right on that motherfucker.

Speaker 1 Is that right? Puffy vest.

Speaker 3 Is that the correct direction? Yeah, swipe right.

Speaker 1 Okay. Puffy vest, chili,

Speaker 1 leaves, pumpkin spice, pumpkin spice, everything.

Speaker 1 Sneezes. Yeah.
Because Hank's got a cold.

Speaker 3 Hank being allergic to words.

Speaker 1 Michigan State coach Mark D'Antoni. Antonio,

Speaker 1 last one, he said on his offense, there's only so many ways to skin a cat. At the end of the day, you've got to skin the cat.
There's another good quote for you. Write that down.
That is pretty good.

Speaker 1 I like that he told everyone, hey, write that down.

Speaker 3 But isn't the normal quote, there's more than one way to skin a cat?

Speaker 1 There's only one way to skin a cat.

Speaker 3 Sometimes you just got to skin it. Sometimes you just got to skin it harder.

Speaker 1 Sometimes you just got to murder a cat, and then you'll end up in Mindhunter Season 3.

Speaker 3 Yeah, or getting fired from Barcelona Sports.

Speaker 1 Who's talking about skinning cats in the first place? How does that phrase get invented?

Speaker 1 Psychopaths, sociopaths, serial killers, they all skin cats when they're children.

Speaker 1 They piss their bed, but they light fires and they skin cats, and then they're serial. But how did it become a a common phrase in the world?

Speaker 3 That's a good question. I don't know.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I mean, yeah, I feel like there's, I feel like if we looked hard enough, there'd probably be a country where it's like

Speaker 1 their number one sport is cat skinning for speed, yeah.

Speaker 1 Right, right.

Speaker 3 You don't think so? Yeah, there's probably one out there, right? Probably France.

Speaker 1 I mean, dude, in England, they roll a fucking cheese down a hill.

Speaker 3 Dude, don't not jump somewhere. Don't not cheesy roll.

Speaker 1 You know, a lot of places, like,

Speaker 1 you don't think they just skin a cat somewhere? I don't know.

Speaker 3 Some places they treat cats as royalty. Yeah.
That's true. Todd Gurley's house.

Speaker 1 They give them contracts. Not in this house.
Nope. Fuck no.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Vote. Vote for our football guy of the week.
Hopefully we get someone on. Hopefully we get.

Speaker 1 We're not going to get Bill Belichick. What? You think we get? Yeah.
Okay. Okay, sure.
All right. Well, you're the producer.
The Patriots. As the producer, why don't you get us?

Speaker 1 Yeah, okay. So

Speaker 1 get us Bill Belichick. That would be great.

Speaker 1 All right, yeah. Vote.

Speaker 6 The pro football football show is presented by the Chevy Silverado. Built for the hustle, ready for the game.
Chevy Silverado is America's most dependable full-size truck.

Speaker 6 Whether you're grinding through the week or gearing up for kickoff, the Silverado is one ride that's always game ready. Just like football, it's about grit, grind, and getting it done.

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Speaker 3 But I am going to Vancouver later on this autumn. There are mountains up there.
Maybe I'll try the first time.

Speaker 1 Do a video. You skiing.
No, I don't want that.

Speaker 3 I don't want that getting out there. Okay.

Speaker 1 What do you got, Hank? Just because I know pizza, no French fries. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1 We have a new segment. It's called Do Your Pod.

Speaker 3 I actually know what that means, Hank.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Pizza means stop. French fries mean go.
You saw South Park. Got it.
Was that on South Park? I think it was, right? I wasn't allowed to watch South Park.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 you should have pizza when you French fried. You should have.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Pizza when you French fried.

Speaker 3 Do your pod. Do your pod.
So this is a new segment.

Speaker 3 Hank and I might turn this into a full podcast. We're not sure yet.
But since I decided that

Speaker 3 it's in beta. Since I decided that there aren't enough Patriots fans in national sports media,

Speaker 3 I'm giving it a shot for you.

Speaker 3 And it's also, it's amazing the shit that you guys find to complain about. It really, it boggles my mind.
And you think about sports

Speaker 3 in such a way that

Speaker 1 you have a very little thing.

Speaker 3 You get mad about the smallest stuff, and I fucking love it. And it's awesome to be a Patriots.
The first day I became a Patriots fan, you know what happened? We got Antonio Brown.

Speaker 1 Right there. Boom.
And the second day,

Speaker 1 do your pod, you what you have your complaint right so it's this is a complaint show right no oh this is not a show this is to just to point out how unfair it is that the nfl is against the people so go ahead yeah so go ahead so today nfl red zone all we talk about is all offseason like football is back football is back can't wait the red zone has their little countdown which savage move in the last minute to do an advertising that was fucked up that was that that was a hazzy head yeah that was that was fucked up so then the the little montage starts it's like 100 years of football they went through every single big moment of the last 100 years.

Speaker 1 Every notable player, every notable team, little moments, little stuff. Not one time, not one single time did they show any Bill Belichick, Tom Brady, Patriots Super Bowls.

Speaker 1 You would think that the most dominant team of the last 20 years, the most recent Super Bowl champion, would at least get, oh, like one frame, two second frames, anything. Yep.
Anything.

Speaker 1 And they got nothing. I agree, man.
And if you think,

Speaker 3 oh my God, if you think that's a coincidence, you you are crazy no it's not a coincidence it's it's them trying to downplay the best franchise maybe in the history of organized sports definitely probably within the history of the entire united states especially when you consider free agency can i exactly thank you hank especially when you consider free agency it was easier to build up the yankees the yankees who didn't have to compete well number one you weren't allowed to have black players on your team back in the 1920s and 30s yep so you you weren't exactly the best athletes at the time.

Speaker 3 Two, there was no salary cap. What the Patriots have managed to do in this age, in this era, is nothing short of amazing.

Speaker 3 And for the NFL to continually rub our noses in this is disrespectful, especially after not giving us the opening night game, especially after the fact that Roger Goodell was a chicken shit and gave the opening night game to the Bears and the Packers instead of being in Foxborough when we were going to raise the banner like we do every single year.

Speaker 3 And Andrew Yang said he tweeted out.

Speaker 1 I don't know what you rapped. Andrew was disgusting.

Speaker 3 Andrew Yang tweeted out that he hates the Patriots. Yeah.

Speaker 3 And he's probably going to be president.

Speaker 1 Do your pod. We need it to a little addition to it.
Do y'all pod.

Speaker 3 Also, Coley Mick is going to be. Coley from Mixtape is going to be a part of it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, do your pod. And then underneath it should just say, you're not paranoid if everyone's out to get you.
Yep.

Speaker 3 And we've got a logo picked out. It's sweet.
It's all the Boston mascots looking pissed off.

Speaker 1 All right, so that was Do Your Pod.

Speaker 3 Being a Patriots fan is awesome.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 3 Last up, Stay Classy.

Speaker 1 We have Stay Classy,

Speaker 1 Philadelphia. You got in a fight with your own player on the Sixers.
Mike Scott showed up in a Redskins jersey. What?

Speaker 1 The fight was next to a tailgate that someone brought a tailgate, a casket to the tailgate. Uh-huh.
Okay. They brought their grandfather's casket to the tailgate.

Speaker 3 Is that the old

Speaker 3 so the Eagles can let me down one last time?

Speaker 1 No, but they don't.

Speaker 1 And then that's like in the foreground of that is the Mike Scott fight.

Speaker 3 That is incredible.

Speaker 1 It is pretty good. I love that they brought a casket.
And they probably did the thing where they just threw his ashes in the middle of the stands.

Speaker 3 Well, there was that dude that he streaked the field and then poured his dad's ashes

Speaker 3 onto the field, which is I mean, you got to take your hat off.

Speaker 1 So, I'm a big believer in

Speaker 1 Philadelphia, gets kind of a bad rap, and everyone just uses the cliche. And I actually think it's a great sports town, but fighting your own players, a little that feels a little too much.

Speaker 1 Well, this is like this was the Colts, then people would be like, Oh, well, yeah, but like, it's funny. Oh, well, we already ended

Speaker 1 your pods over.

Speaker 1 You just

Speaker 1 leaked it in the next segment.

Speaker 3 For me, this is as good as it gets for an R Words fan. Yes.
Just having one of like a fan of your team beating up an Eagles fan. Yes.

Speaker 1 Did anyone say like, hey, that's a sixer?

Speaker 3 That is a Super Bowl right there.

Speaker 1 Anyone like, hey, don't hurt him. He's actually, we're rooting for him.
I think they probably knew.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Maybe they're just too drunk to care.
Probably just too drunk to care.

Speaker 1 Unbelievable. What a video.
All right. That is our show.
Let us know how you thought it went. I thought it was great.
I thought it was fun. Not to toot our own horn.
What did you think, Hank?

Speaker 1 As a producer? Great. I thought it was great.
Hank, what's a lot of fun?

Speaker 3 Which song should we put underneath Do Your Pod?

Speaker 1 Shipping Up to Boston.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no, no. No, yes.
It's more than a feeling.

Speaker 3 That's the outros. SVP and Russilla did the shipping up to Boston.

Speaker 1 Everyone, though.

Speaker 3 Dirty Water. Tessie.
Tessie. Tessie or Dirty Water.

Speaker 1 All right. That's our show.
We got some Sweet Care Line.

Speaker 3 Big. We love that song.
It's problematic.

Speaker 1 We got some big, big,

Speaker 1 big. We're doing four interviews this week that are all enormous.
All famous.

Speaker 3 One of them is huge. Not as huge as they used to be, but still huge.

Speaker 1 I don't even know who you're talking about there. Literally.

Speaker 1 All of them. Physically.
No, but that's also.

Speaker 1 There could be. They're all.
They literally could be any of them.

Speaker 3 So, spoiler, it's not been Rothlessberger.

Speaker 1 People that retired early. No, well, one of them's not.

Speaker 1 Two of them did.

Speaker 1 One of them still. Well, once once a year.

Speaker 3 Love you guys.

Speaker 3 I don't know why.

Speaker 3 Why don't you say I'll take it anyway?

Speaker 3 Today is a Monday, but you're fine. You shine.

Speaker 3 Oh, I've been coming for your love of gay, love of me, love of me.

Speaker 3 Oh, I've been coming for your love of grace.

Speaker 3 Take on me.

Speaker 3 Shall I need

Speaker 3 to see

Speaker 3 I'm obviously

Speaker 3 selling.

Speaker 3 Showing the body circle.

Speaker 3 Say it to me.

Speaker 3 Take on me.

Speaker 3 Take on me.

Speaker 3 Drink on the old

Speaker 3 days of

Speaker 3 hope for you

Speaker 3 to live on.

Speaker 3 Just play that burning

Speaker 3 way.

Speaker 3 You all think I've come to remember

Speaker 3 shining away.

Speaker 3 It's part of my take presented by Barstool Sports.