Coach O, Demarcus Ware, Bears Lose, And Week 1 Picks/Preview

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On today's Pardon My Take, we have Coach O, Demarcus Ware, preview for week one,

there was a Thursday night football game, who cares, and Firefest, and FAQs, and Fantasy Fuckboys, so it's a huge show. Ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working? Nah, neither has Ariat.
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Now in the street there is violence And then a lot of work to be done No place to hang out or wash in And then I can't name all on the sun Oh no We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh, we're gonna rock down to D-Leg Chick Carpenter Welcome to Pardon My Take presented by the Cash App.

Today is Friday, September 6th.

Football's back.

Football is back.

I am so excited.

It's the best time of the year. Thursday night football.
Get it started with a hundred year anniversary of the league. And what a night.
And what a night all around for all of us football fans out there. Big Ed, how are you feeling? I'm just waiting 33 days till NBA season.
There you go. There you go.
Football is so stupid because you care so much and you wait so long.

And look, I'm not going to go full like double doink suicidal big cat because it is week one.

And I'm going to have a little perspective.

But we are recording this at one in the morning right after the game.

I'll just say this.

The Bears were a fucking joke tonight.

Yeah.

They were a joke.

How does that make you 10 penalties for 107 yards. The offense looked like shit.
The defense was awesome. Couldn't turn the ball over, which would have been nice.
But, like, they were a joke. You can't have that first and 40 graphic.
That's a fucking joke. That is a Maction game.
That is Miami of Ohio playing Bowling Green on a

Tuesday night. They have a first and

40. I actually think that a second and 40

looks better on the screen. More naturally

I didn't mean to have a shot at

Maction. Don't take it out on the Mac.

I know you're going to say some things that you don't mean tonight.

I'll give you some spin zones.

Spin zone number one. You didn't

have to watch the extra point if they

had scored a touchdown to tie the game. Eddie Pinero was one of my stars of the game.
Eddie Pinero and Pat O'Donnell. Way to go special teams.
Punting the fuck out of the ball. Kicking the fuck out of the ball.
You got your goals, good. Everything else, bad.
Spin zone number two. Kickoff's bad.
Yeah, kickoff's not great. Well, you know what? He was juiced up from the field goal.
He was juiced up, and he also was limiting the return factor. So that's good.
Kick it out of bounds. Save yourself some consternation that way.
Here's another spin zone. You guys might get Tua.
No, we're not going to get fucking Tua. That's pretty cool.
Listen. Well, let's talk about it, Big Cat.
Let's explore this a little bit. If you were to go, would you trade a 2-14 season this year for T no no the Bears window is open it's one game they're fine Mitch defense was good you said Mitch has to be better he has to there's no choice there is no choice like Mitchell Trpixky we have no choice he has to be better he has to be better I I so frustrated.
It was an incompetent performance by the offense.

And I'll say one thing.

That in defense of the offense, the one drive it felt like things were going well.

This is going to suck in the NFL this season.

Because they have the new rule where you can challenge an offensive pass interference.

I don't think Matt LaFleur did this on purpose.

But what ended up being the result of the challenge pass interference when he challenged a push off that wasn't even a push off. He essentially got a free timeout, stopped all momentum and that drive stalled.
So that's going to happen. Like teams will start doing that where they will, if a team is starting to roll down the field and like the second half, and there's just even some kind of contact, they will throw the flag to basically get a free timeout on defense and stop all momentum.
I can't wait to see how Andy Reid screws that up at the end of the game. It's going to happen.
It's going to happen. There are all these little quirks.
One of my favorite things about week one every single year is seeing the small quirks, the little additions to the broadcast. Last year it was the green zone, which we immediately fell in love with.
And I still like it. Shout out to Soldier Field.
The field looked immaculate tonight. And shout out to Al and Chris Collinsworth doing the old newspaper boy.
Yeah, the old newsies. Collinsworth.
You guys kind of look like that right now. Yeah, you're right, Jed.
All the way. Very professional right here.
Collinsworth looked pretty swaggy. He looked like Matthew McConaughey if McConaughey went under conversion therapy to get rid of all his swag.
Collinsworth looked good in the little newsy hat. I think one of them had his suspenders on.
They had the vest. And then the other new little addition, the little quirk that they're adding in, that they added in tonight.
I don't know if they're going to do it moving forward. They had the Mitchell Trubisky foot cam where they just kept showing his footwork over and over again.
It's not good. So I like that.
Tarantino. Yeah, exactly.
26 for 45. Tarantino came in as a consultant, and he was like, we need just a ton of foot close-ups in this one for no reason.
That has nothing to the plot in this broadcast. Honestly, it was nice.
I'm looking at the box score. I'm honestly looking at the box score, and Mitch was terrible, and he'll tell you that he's terrible.
He had probably four picks. He had a pick, but he had three that he left out there.
But Matt Nagy was also terrible because I know the offensive line wasn't doing a great job and they couldn't really block, but holy shit, man, 45 passes and 15 runs, you can't do that. When you have a defense like we have, you cannot do that.
It was incompetence and Aaron Rodgers wasn't even that good. He threw it for 200 yards.
He wasn't... Fucking computer.
The Astros are going to lose too. You have to give some credit to Matt LaFleur for turning that defense around.
He's a guru. They brought him in.
The Packers look like Matt LaFleur. He did nothing for the defense.
Matt LaFleur's defense is as promised. So the Packers look good as a Packers podcast.
I think we have some things to look forward to this season. That's the part that sucks so bad.
I fucking hate the Packers. And the jokes are the same.
And they always hurt. And they're just this.
It's time is a flat circle. The Bears have a great defense.
And the offense, who the fuck knows? It doesn't look great. Who the fuck knows? And then the Packers fans get to make the same fucking jokes.
And they always hurt my feelings. I mean, that hat on PFT's head is just.
I don't even. He's a.
What about the hat? He's just a fucking troll. Go back under your bridge and troll.
The funny thing was Big Cat texted me this morning and said, hey, can you show up and just be a troll tonight? Yeah. I was like, yeah, I did.
Well, you were going to do that anyway. You got a...
I think I can manage that. Hold on.
Hold on. You got a cheese head a week ago and said, make sure you slap owner on it.
I don't think I had to tell you to be a troll. No, but you me well yeah but you still have it on so you're still trolling i didn't even realize it feels like as an owner it feels like it's a part of me you are you are a troll through and yes absolutely uh so whatever so the game okay whatever so how do you feel moving forward who got i actually you know what i feel bad i feel bad for the country because that game sucked it was it was a trash gamerible.
It's fucked up. It should have been the Patriots.
It should have been the Patriots. Oh, Jesus.
Whatever. It just sucked.
The game sucked. Every single year, the Thursday night game is a defending champion.
The only reason they didn't was be like, oh, 100 years. But that game didn't celebrate 100 years.
Yeah, it did. It did with the final score.
T-formation. Navy came out with the T-formation.
The Bears fumbled. That should have been it right there.
They should have called the game. Yeah, a 10-3 final score.
Is that what it was, 10-3? 10-3. 10-3.
That is a touching tribute to 1919. We didn't watch the game with you, Hank.
Did you think the Bears had any chance at the end there? Yeah. I mean, they were driving.
You can't throw that ball, Mitch. Yeah.
It was a tough loss. It was a drawing board.
It was a tough loss. There's always next week.
All right. Let's talk about week one.
I'm going to move on. Mentally.
The other thing that sucks, one last thing that sucks, like it's 10 days now until the Bears play again. So it's basically, we get to just basically pick them apart and be like, they stink.
The 85 Bears, all the flashbacks during the game, that was nice too. It was.
And the Mount Rushmore's. Those are nice.
They keep stealing our bits they stole our idea to talk about mount rushmore we created mount rushmore it's definitely not a coincidence that we did a whole summer of mount rushmore and then they do that opening night also it's after labor day why were all the coaches wearing white hats that was concerning i actually kind of liked them i think they looked pretty clean you like You like the white? All dressed in white? Yeah. Virginal? Yeah.

I thought it was pretty cool. I thought it was pretty cool.

Is that going to be like a season-long thing, or is that

just... They shouldn't do that after Labor Day.

It's not fashionable. They're stealing

baseball's shine.

That's right. Yeah.
All white caps,

all black caps on the other team.

And you know what? Being on a live... I'm so

sick of live streams.

So many pictures of just shit. Just shit.
I didn't eat any carbs tonight or any cookies. Good for you.
You look very thin with the mustache. I'm going to clap for myself.
Week one. Wait, no, before we do week one, Antonio Brown's a fucking nutcase.
That's another spin zone for you is the biggest story is probably not going to be the Bears offense. It's going to be Antonio Brown is still insane.
Okay, so I have a take on this. No one to blame but Mike Mayock and John Gruden.
They are 100% to blame. Mike Mayock, you brought this head case in.
Antonio Brown has proven time and time again that he's a dickhead. He has done nothing to disprove that.
He filmed Mike Tomlin during a post-game closed-door meeting. He didn't show up for Week 17.
He threw a football. The season was over.
He did all these things before he got traded to the Raiders. He demanded a trade to the Raiders.
He spent an off-season being crazy with his blonde mustache. You traded for him.
When he comes and he does exactly what you expected him to do you cannot be surprised and i'll go even one further mike mayock and john gruden have some common sense don't find antonio brown i know that you gotta you know there are no superstars blah blah blah everyone's got to be treated to an Antonio Brown, the pros are that he is the best wide receiver when healthy and on in the NFL. The cons are all this shit.
You haven't played a game yet. Why don't you play a game before you try to find him and make matters worse? And now I don't know where they're left, but I honestly don't blame anyone but Mike Mayock and John Gruden because Antonio Brown has been consistent with his dickhead behavior.
We have to ask what was Mike Mayock's role in this? No, I'm serious though. What was he wearing at the time? Do you disagree? Were there elements of provocation? No, I agree with you.
It's not like there was a big question of who Antonio Brown was. He's been very clear.
And whatever happened in Pittsburgh, credit to Mike Tomlin for all the weird shit that he says that nobody can describe unless you have a Dick Tracy Dakota ring or whatever.

He at least kept most of that stuff

indoors. Right.
Like, I'm

sure there were plenty of things that Antonio

Brown did that nobody else

ever found out about. I

also want to give credit. Well, maybe

not even credit. Is this the pussification

of Vontaze Perfect? Because

Vontaze Perfect was the one

that was holding him back. When Vontaze Perfect

and Richie Incognito are the

ones that are like the voice of reason. They're the

Thank you. of Vontaze Perfect because Vontaze Perfect was the one that was holding him back when Vontaze Perfect and Richie Incognito

are the ones that are like

the voice of reason.

They're the calm heads.

In an argument,

cooler heads prevail.

It's like last chance view of the NFL.

Yeah, it is.

And you know what?

All right, so I'll say one thing

in defense of Mike Mayock.

He probably,

the one part that sucks for him

is it's been very clear

since Antonio Brown signed

that they were going to do

a good cop, bad cop, Mike Mayock, John Gruden, where John Gruden was going to fully support Antonio Brown, publicly support him, so that Antonio Brown buys in on John Gruden's plan. Mike Mayock had to be the enforcer, the strict parent.
So in only that, Mike Mayock got a raw end of the deal because Antonio Brown almost knocked him out. But everything else, you got to either live with it because that's what you should have expected or cut him if you can't handle it.
But they will be significant. I mean, did you see the depth chart of the Raiders where Antonio Brown's not? They don't have any.
Hunter Renfro. They don't have anyone.
I want to see Hunter Renfro come out with a blonde mustache that he's dyed. That would be something.
It's going to be very interesting whether they suspend him for a game or not, or they give him maybe the Bobby Bowden, take your helmet off for the first quarter. For the first play, and then he can play.
I don't think he's going to play. I don't think that he's going to play.
Here's my take. He's not going to ever play a game as a Raider.
I think they're either going to cut him. They're probably not going to be able to trade him anywhere.
And then you have to ask, when Antonio Brown goes in the Hall of Fame, which he will, is he going to go in as a Bill or as a Raider? Yeah. I mean, it's a great franchise that he played for.
This, by the way, is why the Houston Texans are a model franchise, because they don't have a general manager to get punched in the face by their best player. Well, Bill O'Brien has done the nice power struggle where he calls all the shots.
It also looks like he's been punched in the chin a few times. Astros tied it up.
I parlayed the Bears' money line and the Astros. The Astros were losing 7-0, so now the Astros are going to win because the Bears lost.
That's how the cookie crumbles, my friends. And I saw you tweet about this.
I didn't eat any cookies. I saw you tweet about this, but yeah, the fact that Mike Mayock didn't have any cameras on him at all and then we don't have any cameras on this did this actually happen is this like a jeffrey epstein thing where the cameras mysteriously were turned off and we don't ever get to see the fight that occurred because i need to see footage of this i i just know that when you're talking about pro sports i know people don't like to hear this but superstars do get

different treatment and superstars who are out of this world talented will get away with some things that other guys won't that's just what pro sports are so to hold antonio brown to the same standards and find him for fifty thousand dollars or whatever it was because what was even the fine four. He didn't show up to practice.

Yeah, it was. He missed the walk

through two on game day. Get him on the field.
That's probably why John Gruden said on Hard Knocks, don't miss your flight, like, several times. Right.
I'm thinking Antonio Brown maybe missed a flight. He seems like a guy that brings all the wrong shit through airport security.
Get him on the field. That's your only job.
He shows up with, like like nine water bottles in his bag every time everything else doesn't matter literally everything else doesn't matter because when you're the rate when you're the raiders like you you are trying to win football games for the first time in a long time talent should be the paramount thing whereas like hey antonio brown might be punting footballs. Like, it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.

You need him on the field.

That's the old Brandon Marshall trick.

Just show up at practice and start kicking field goals.

Pajama pants.

Field goals.

Listen.

Just like punting the shit out of the ball.

Brandon Marshall was able to get away with a lot of things when he was a similar kind

of black cloud around his locker room until his talent had expired.

Do you think Antonio Brown is the weirdest player in the NFL right now?

I think he's got to be, right?

I don't know.

There's probably some.

I mean, Devin Kajuski, he's on a practice.

Is Magic the Gathering guy still in the league?

Oh, yeah, my guy Cassius Marsh.

Yeah, that guy is very weird.

He had, what, like $50,000 worth of Magic the Gathering cards

stolen out of the back of his car?

He also blocked, like, half of New England when he left.

Chris Long used to be, I mean, a pothead making the NFL winning two Super Bowls.

Let's not minimize it by calling it pot.

That kind of makes it sound like it's a fun drug.

That's true.

He was a hard drug user.

Hard marijuana user.

Chris Long was a scheduled one narcotics user.

No, actually, you know what? The weirdest guy in the NFL is how about the guy who basically divorced his whole entire family and is mercurial and really cranky and should be over the hill. All right, let's do some picks.
Oh, before we do some picks, PFT, you have something for us, right? Yes, yeah, before we do the picks, and this is one of my favorite times of the year when we get into finally gambling about football, and this year on the show, we're going to do an over and under, an underdog and a favorite. We did that last year.
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That's amazing odds. That is.
I can't believe it. So let's get into our week one picks.
Hank, do you want to go first? Real quick, just two other things.

Tariq Cohen had zero carries.

I'm just keep looking.

I don't want to go backwards.

Tariq Cohen had zero carries.

Okay.

That's an excuse.

But all the pun returns, yeah, you could probably count.

Tariq Cohen had zero carries.

And Adrian Amos, of course, had the fucking interception.

And, Hank, I threw this hypothetical out there while we were watching the game.

Tell me what your thoughts are.

If the Bears' defense played offense, do you think they could score more than three points? Yeah, just hand the ball to Khalil Mack. Right.
Khalil Mack and then, I mean, like Leonard Floyd could be an unbelievable tight end. Roquan Smith is a burner.
Just get him in space. I actually think Clinton Dix in the slot.
The Bears could have scored six points if they just had offense, defense playing both sides of the ball. Yeah, and can we just talk about that punt at the end of the game real quick? The fourth and ten when they were coming back to field games.
That punt Packers punt that went like 70 yards. The best is the still shot of it.
Take off the hat. When his leg is vertically up in the air and you see his tiny little ass.
He took his helmet off and he's a pencil neck geek. That's a good punt, though.
I might be wrong on this because I looked up and I put the – when the Bears went forward on fourth and ten when they were at like the 35 and could have just kicked a field goal, but there was no way they were getting the fourth and ten. That was where I was like – That was the weirdest play of all of the night.
That was basically a punt. Yes.
But you might as well have just kicked a field goal. And they like rushed the play.
I mean, two delay of games on a drive. That's clown shit.
That is clown shit. All right.
Didn't want to go back there. Hank, you want to start us? Let's go favorites first.
And give us a little reason why. Oh, by the way, before we do this, I circled this.
It's not one of my picks, but we have a week one loser leaves town game. Oh, let's go.
49ers at Bucs. I think the loser leaves town.
I think the loser is done. Both teams are on the fringe.
I think it's loser leaves town. Do you guys agree? I don't know.
I don't know. I mean, I'm saying 49ers at Bucs.
I don't think there's logic you want to get into, Big Cat. No, shut up.
That's all I'll say. Can I tell you why not? Because if that logic is correct, then...
If the 49ers lose and they get off to a slow start and there's an injury to Jimmy G or they bring in a backup quarterback... Nick Mullins.
Kyle Shanahan is the king of doing so much with a backup quarterback that you're like, this guy can get it turned around. Winning like five games in November and December.
Yep, exactly. All right, Hank, go ahead.
All right, Hank. Favorite, I'll go with the Chiefs.
I feel like everyone's like, oh, the Jaguars defense. Watch out for the Jaguars, like Nick Foles.
But then it's going to be like, oh, wait, it's Patrick Mahomes. They're actually thinking about putting Miles Jack at running back.
That's what it was. So the Jaguars are actually considering this due to the impending Leonard Fournette ankle explosion that takes place week two, or if he misses another picture day and they have to bench him.
But yeah, Miles Jack at running back could be pretty electric. Can I throw something out there for you? Sure.
Chiefs, Jaguars last year, Patrick Mahomes, 50 touchdowns, MVP.

He had zero touchdowns, two interceptions against that defense.

Right.

Coming for revenge.

Exactly. I'm just saying.

The one team he did bat against, he wants to go out and push something.

You added Josh Allen to it.

Josh Allen's going to be a beast.

Both of them.

Yep.

But both of them.

Big Dick Nick.

Yeah.

And Big Dick Nick.

Okay.

Bad pick, Hank.

Really bad pick.

My favorite. Wait, did you go favorite? Yeah, favorite.
Okay, my favorite. I'm going Tampa Bay.
Loser leaves down. Minus one and a half.
I got it at Pickham. I like it even better at minus one and a half.
I don't know why, but it just makes me feel better knowing that I was right originally. Don't be the I got it guy.
I'm doubling down on it, and I'm saying, yeah, I like it better at minus 1.5. I like Bruce Arians.
I like Jameis Winston more than I liked him last year. I think that the offense is going to be a lot better.
Yeah? Yeah. Why? You don't? The offensive line still stinks.
You think the offense is going to be worse with Bruce Arians? I mean, I just don't know what the difference between Jameis last year and this year is. Yeah, none.
Bruce Arians. None.
He'll have one game and they'll be like, is Jameis turning a corner?

Bruce will will his hands to become bigger.

That's how good of a coach he is.

All right, my favorite is, it's a stinky one.

I think the Detroit Lions are going to be a little bit better than people expect.

I think their defense is going to be very good, and I think their defense will fuck up the Cardinals week one.

Kyler Murray, not ready for prime time. Detroit, minus two and a half.
There's no film on Kyler, though. Did you guys hear that little birdie rumor? I forget.
I heard that. I heard that.
They didn't run any of those plays, but I think Detroit's got eight. Is there any truth to that? Is that even a possibility? Somebody told me that the offensive lineman on the Cardinals said that in a Fortnite stream.
Yeah, so that's good enough for me. That's good enough for Leroy to run with six times a week, twice on Sundays.

I think that Kyler Murray is going to be a little bit different.

What does Matt Patricia do to prepare for a game?

What does he do?

He's a film guy.

That's all he does, right?

He just grinds his film.

He's probably watched every Texas Tech game in the last decade.

He probably has, but he hasn't seen Kyler Murray in the offense.

So I think Detroit's going to be better than people expect. I think they're a sneaky team.
Okay. Kyle Slaughter revenge game.
Detroit didn't sign him. Arizona did.
Stop trying to make Kyle Slaughter happen. I'm not.
I like him as a great backup quarterback. Hank.
Dog? Dog. Dog.
Hit us with a dog. My dog.
You do not prep for this. Well, honestly, I didn't do this with you guys last year, so I wasn't expected to get thrown into the cup, but my dog is going to be the Redskins.
Okay. That's plus 10? Yeah.
A terrible pick. What'd you get, Al? Okay.
Okay. He's not starting.
Really? Well, that's okay, but he's going to be on the field. He's on the sideline.
Yeah. He's a good clipboard guy.
It's Case Keenum. It's always good, though, to have, like, because he's so good at quarterback that Case Keenum's going to be like, fuck, got to play for my job.
That's right. He's going to keep him within 10.
Good. I like that.
Also, the best quarterback on the Redskins might be Rob Ryan. If you saw him dropping dimes in practice today, it was amazing.
10 is a lot for a week one game, and especially a divisional game. My thoughts exactly.
lost um my dog is the dolphins i'm taking the dolphins plus 6.5 against the ravens at home your seven win dolphins my seven win dolphins ryan fitz magic it's early in the season yeah that's all i'm going on literally all i'm going off of is last year ryan fitzpatrick played well when he first got in. I don't hate that logic.
I really don't. By the way, PFT's still wearing his Green Bay Packers owner's hat.
If you want to watch it, Barstoolgold.com slash PMT. Barstoolgold.com slash PMT.
Firefighter we had on yesterday. Bonus episode.
My dog, Falcons plus four. I can't quit the Falcons.
I can't. I think they're going to be awesome.
I don't know. I think I'm out.
I think I'm out for life on the Falcons. I think they're going to be awesome this year.
I will bet the Falcons every single year. I'm waiting for the Falcons to have their best game.
Why not week one? Offensively stacked. Why not? How could they not score? How could they not? They only have two games not on their field defense.
Is that true? I think so. Maybe not.
I think I heard someone say that today.

That sounds good.

Wait, that can't be right because they have to play the Bucs and the Panthers.

So you're saying every other game that they play away is on the turf?

12 or 13 games on the turf.

Okay, that's close enough.

I'll give it to you.

I've also heard Julio Jones is not happy about his contract.

So take that for what it's worth.

He's going to light it up. He's going to light it up.
Oh, yeah. A lot of turf here.
A lot of turf. Panthers.
That's not turf. 49ers, Buccaneers.
Everywhere else is turf. Wow.
Okay. Okay.
Stands. All right, Hank, you're over.
My over. Fuck, where did it go? My over is Patriots.
Patriots. Steelers.
Okay, I'm going to cut in line PFT because that's my under.

Ooh.

The Patriots are going to be playing like run the ball, run the ball.

They have a very good defense.

I think they're going to be a slow team this year that grinds teams down.

Fully, fully stocked every single practice.

No injuries.

Good receivers.

Like they've all come together in camp.

Josh Gordon is playing. He is.
Okay. This will be his game this this season.
Who are the other receivers? Edelman, Danny Woodhead. No, Harry's not playing.
Never count Danny out. Wait, Nikhil Harry's not playing.
He's not? No, he's injured. He's hurt.
I like the under. I think the Patriots are going to be a grinded out team.
I think they're going to be a power running team. They have a very good offensive line and a very good defense.
Listen to Mr. Analysis over here.
I've had to read so much football shit in the last week. I'm ready for week one.
I'm just going to take, yeah. This can't be real.
I want to almost change my favorite pick and go with the Patriots. Hank has sold me on them.
What are you going to say? Do you know about this Patriots receiver, PFT, whose name is Caleb Gunner Oswalski? Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I saw that. What is he wearing? Like number six or something weird like that? He was made out of a Bill Belichick laboratory.
Yeah, number 72. This guy's unreal.
Yeah. Bill Belichick, if he logs on to YouPorn, it's just a picture of that guy.
Yeah, he's number nine. Suggested videos.
All right, so PFT, I cut in line there for the under. Or sorry, you're on over.
My over is I'm taking Tampa Bay and 49ers. Oh, you're double dipping.
I'm double dipping on that one. I think that, again, Tampa Bay's offense is going to be really good.
I think that the 49ers offense is going to be better than people think. So, yeah, I'm running with that.
Okay, my over, I'm doing Bills, Jets, over 41, two good defenses. Why not? Okay.
Just do the reverse. Just do the reverse on it.
Josh Allen, breakout year. I'll take the reverse on that.
Okay, great. We're locked off.
Josh Allen and Sam Donald are going to have breakout years. You heard it here first.
Okay. And if it's not true, then you never heard it.
We'll delete this part of the podcast. Absolutely.
You finish this up with an under. And then my under is going to be Redskins, Eagles, 45 45.
OK, take the under on that because Dwayne Haskins. I don't think that he's had enough reps in practice to really be efficient as starting quarter.
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Alright, let's do our Fantasy Fuck Boys. Can we get it up for that? It's late at night.
Can we do it? Can we get it up for it? Can we do it? Alright, let's roll. All right.
Let's do it. Hank, you should start.

What's up, everybody?

I'm back.

Malo Arruzzioni.

My stardom, good to be back, guys.

Fantasy fuckers.

Malo.

Been watching a lot of Wire.

Malo.

My stardom is goth.

Goth fashion is back.

If you're in high school and you dress like a goth, you are the fucking shit.

Hell yeah.

Get some black checkers. Get some mascara.
Throw it on. You'll like a goth, you are the fucking shit.
Hell yeah. Get some plaque checkers.

Get some mascara.

Throw it on.

You'll get a handjob.

Turn up the cure.

My sit-em Eskimos.

Global warming.

You're fucked.

Good call.

Got him.

And my sleeper is Dwayne Haskins.

He's on the bench, but you never know when he's going to get in there.

When he does, he's going to tear it up.

Love it. I love it.
Good pitch, Marlo, as usual. Hey, what's up, guys? This is OJ Simpson.
This weekend, I'm starting Joe Flacco. What's up? I'm starting Flacco.
You think I'm going to make a white Bronco joke, but I'm not. That would be very lazy.
I'm actually going to say John Gruden is going to be distracted with all the cleanup after he cuts someone named Brown.

Start Flacco.

I'm sitting Fritos.

Sitting Fritos big time.

Fritos are nothing more than a bugle that smells like your dog's foot.

Hell yeah.

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

You want a game time snack that want to satisfy your guests?

It's nacho time, baby.

Hate Fritos.

Throw some cheese on that bitch.

Throw some cheese on that bitch.

I'm sleeping Succession, the TV program. That's right.
All Fritos. Throw some cheese on that bitch.
Throw some cheese on that bitch. I'm

sleeping Succession, the TV program. That's right.
All time scene. Cousin Greg asking

permission to blackmail. And as one myself, I appreciate his manners.
Great show top to

bottom. And I will always appreciate a show.
Any program where the most cutthroat character

is named Shiv. They got it right.
Greg the Egg Fox. What up, guys? It's Tony Rose

Thank you. Any program where the most cutthroat character is named Shiv, they got it right.
Greg the Egg Fox. What up guys, it's Tony Roast Beef.
I'm back for some more fantasy fuckboys, my stardom. Mike Mayock, because Mike Mayock's going back to the NFL Network.
Start those Mike Mayock-isms. Downhill thump, burp the baby, bubble butt, tap, pull all the hips.
He's just a oily hips He's just a jack He called Antonio Brown, oily waist and hip And then he came at him with a fury My sit-em, fresh air Football's back You're sitting on your couch, say goodbye to the atmosphere Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air My sleeper, bleeding out of your eyeball. Joe Biden made it cool.
And if Joe Biden can bleed out of his eyeball, anyone can bleed out of their eyeballs. Getting old sucks.
You just bleed out of your eyeball. Or your third eye.
He's looking Bob Costas chic. Ass eating season big time.
All right, fantasy fuckboys back. You guys think Joe Biden eats ass? I think he's got to.
What happened with his eyeball? I don't know. That was spontaneous.
Someone should bring a sign to one of his rallies, like flume, and see what happens. Oh, good call.
Yeah, there you go. You don't need to ask, Joe.
As a guy who pissed blood and didn't go to the doctor, I probably don't have a leg to stand on here, but I think you should go see a doctor when you just spontaneously start bleeding out of your eyeball. Yeah, unless you're Chris Long, and that's just from all the chiba.
Yeah, Joe Biden's going to be like Klay Thompson next debate and just start bleeding out of your eyeball. Yeah, unless you're Chris Long.
That's just from all the Chiba. Yeah, Joe Biden's going to be like Clay Thompson next debate and just start bleeding out of his ear.
That would be amazing. His brain is leaking.
His brain is literally leaking. He's got to mix it up somehow.
And what better way to remind people that you don't need universal health care than to just stand on stage crying tears of blood and not doing shit about it. All right, let's get to our we get to our interviews let's do a couple quick ads and larry's picks so just a reminder larry the stock is out who is shirt is out he's our gambling goldfish you should know this by now he's the he's the sixth iteration of larry we've the other ones have passed on gone to fish heaven he's in the las vegas is competing for, I think, a $2 million prize.
If you buy a t-shirt, you own a stock in Larry. And if we win the $2 million prize, you will get a cut of it after processing fees.
Yes, that's right. Now, these are certified financial stocks.
They're real. They're totally legit.
You have your money safe with us when you invest with Larry. So, Hank, we have Larry.

Larry made the picks this week.

Hank, you have them.

I have four of them.

You have five.

Four.

You should have five.

The fifth one is going to be on Barstow Sports Advisors.

Oh, shit.

Forgot about that.

Okay.

Here we go.

Barstow Sports Advisors on Sunday morning.

It's actually going to come out on Friday. Oh, tune in on Friday.
Hank, what's the first matchup? Falcons and Vikings. Okay.
So the Las Vegas Super Contest line for that is Vikings minus four. All right.
Before Hank tells us who he has, you can tell us in the middle of the ad. When your home system or appliance breaks down, American Home Shield will help fix or replace the covered item, no matter its age.
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Okay, next pick. Hank.
The Jaguars and the Cheaps. Okay.
This one I had the, I'm going Jaguars on this one. I'm loving this one.
Yeah, well, you already heard our picks. But yeah.
Yes, that's right. Yeah, you heard that.
As I said earlier. Yes, right.
If you weren't listening. Okay, so we have some.
Do you think there's anybody that skips ahead just to hear the ads? Yes. Yes.
So that was for the advertisers. Adaholics.
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Do we have a pick? Brick and motor boutique. What's that? Do you have a pick? Jaguars.
It's Jaguars. There we go.
He's jagging off. Good for you, Larry.
The Jags are plus three and a half in a super contest. So there's the first two Larry picks.
Let's do an interview. We got Coach O first, then DeMarcus Ware.
Maybe a Larry pick in between. Let's go to it.
What's up, guys? Coach. How's it going, Coach? Oh, we're doing good, man.
How you guys doing? We're doing great. We now welcome on one of our favorite guests.
It is Coach O, or should I say, Air Raid Ed. Should we start there? Are you a spread offense guy now, Coach O? We are a spread offense, man.
I'm excited about it with the talent we have, the quarterback we have. I'm looking forward to this offense really exploding this season.
It is fun to watch, and Joe is playing well. I saw that you gave a little behind-the-scenes about his pregame ritual where he just bangs his head against a wall to get himself fired up.
Are there any concerns that you have that maybe he might pull a Gus Ferrat and hurt himself, or is that just how he chooses to get up? It was just a light tap. It was just a light tap.
That got over-exaggerated. But, you know, Joe is one of my favorite all-time players.

The way he approaches the game, he's like a linebacker.

He's the heart and soul of how offense, he makes it go,

and he's just a great, great team player.

So we're going to run this interview on Friday before the big matchup

on Saturday night against Texas.

How's the – what's today?

Wait, today is Tell the Truth Monday.

So we're taping it on Tell the Truth Monday. What's the truth about this upcoming matchup? The truth about this upcoming matchup, it's always going to be about LSU.
It's going to be about us taking care of the football, taking our show, going on the road in a hostile environment, playing great defense, playing great special teams, and scoring points. But their quarterback is an excellent football player.

We're going to have to tackle him, contain him.

He's the key to the game.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you like playing under the lights better, or do you like those day games?

You know, I like it underneath the lights.

And Saturday night at Death Valley is where we like to roam.

This is going to be a tremendous atmosphere.

It's the first time I play at UT Stadium.

So it'll be a great experience for us all.

Speaking of which, speaking of day versus night,

when we came down to Louisiana and saw you a couple years ago,

you told us that you run in the heat of the day every single day.

Do you still do that?

At noon, yes, high noon.

Jesus.

I'd say the heat is our friend.

In order to be our friend, we just spend time with it. So I run every day, and we love practicing in the heat.
We've had some hot days here in Louisiana, so we're going to be very well prepared. I love it.
That's like a different, I mean, running, like willingly going out for a jog in the middle of the Baton Rouge summer heat, that is some insanity, and I love it. I love it, yeah.
So you choose to make the sun your friend as opposed to competing against it. That's right.
I want it to be my friend, but in order to be my friend, I have to spend time with it. You got to get some quality time with that sun.
Let it know the heat. Yeah, you're just a friend of the heat.
I love it. So it is Tell the Truth Monday.
How long did you give yourself to enjoy the win on Saturday? Yeah, we did. You know, Saturday night, obviously, we got some recruits there.
We got home about midnight, went to sleep, worked all day on Sunday. It was a good atmosphere in the building.
You know, obviously, everybody wants to go towards Texas, but I want to enjoy the process. Tell the, Monday.
Get the young men back in here. Enjoy the game.
And now we have a 24-hour rule. Now our focus now is totally on Texas.
Yeah, and then what? Wait, Tuesday is Turnover Tuesday, right? Tuesday is Competition Tuesday. Competition Tuesday.
Turnover Wednesday. Turnover Wednesday.
And Wednesday is Turnover Wednesday. Thursday is no repeat Thursday.
And Friday is Focus Friday, And that's when we bang the drums at 3 o'clock. But we're going to bang them a little early because we've got to get on the plane.
Yeah, that's right. Is that the heartbeat meeting that you guys do? That's the heartbeat meeting, yes.
Yes, we love it. We've got to go to one.
Yeah, we need to get there for one of those. What goes into that? You bring a big bass drum in and you just start banging it or what? Yeah, well, you know, we have T-Boy now.
T-Boy is the drum man, so T-Boy gets up. He has a nice little heartbeat.
We all get focused in on the same wavelength. Everybody, you know, just gets focused in on their own way.
And we beat that drum for about a minute, then I'll say a couple of words, and I'll say, special teams, ready, ready. And everybody claps three times.
Pap, pap, pap. Pap, pap, pap.
Then we get the day started. It's just a way for us all to get focused in on the task at hand.
I got to ask the most important question, the offseason. Was that you on the beach when that guy fell down? No, no, no, no.
You sure? No, no. You know what? I do have a joke.
say the third body yeah that was me i was chasing my next recruit when you saw that though did you do a double take you're like wait was that me because it really did look like you no no i'm a little slimmer than that yeah that's true that That's my bad, Coach. I think your pursuit's a little bit stronger than that, too.

I've seen you out in some of the drills over the summer.

You like to get your hands dirty still sometimes with the line.

Do you find yourself, you know, sometimes getting a little physical with them?

No, you know, I like, you know, coaching the defensive line,

teaching them techniques.

I've just got to use your hands.

I don't get physical with them, but you have to use your hands to teach technique.

You know, just use a demonstration every once in a while, but I'm getting old. I can't do it like I used to.
Oh, come on. I know you can.
I know you can. You're being modest.
You absolutely could get in there. You could probably be a great third down lineman right now on Saturday night if they needed you.
I'll tell you, I love it. There's nothing like a sack fumble.
I'll tell you that. That's true.
That's true. Alright, well, I mean, we honestly just wanted to hear your voice because it had been too long, but we're very excited for Saturday night.
We're very excited for the big game. I think we should all end this with a hearty Go Tigers all around.
Go Tigers. Go Tigers.
You got it. Go Tigers.
Love it. Thanks, Coach O.
Good luck on Saturday night. Thank you, guys.
Enjoy your show. Thank you.
That interview with Coach O is brought to you by Peloton. And while we're doing this ad read, I think Larry might be looking at another pick here.
He's looking at the Patriots and the Stillers. Oh, okay.
There you go, Larry. Interesting game.
Sunday night football. That's right.
I love it. The Collinsworth slide is back.
No, we canceled it, right? No, it's back. Are we excited about excited about it yes i can't remember if we're excited about that or not yet um but yeah i want to talk to you about peloton real quick you guys know i have the peloton bike it's set up in my living room right now you can follow me on that see what workouts i'm doing if i'm not working out enough on it you can just yell at me online or yell at me on peloton whatever you want um but peloton also has a new treadmill, and it's not just another treadmill.
Peloton Tread is being called like having a personal trainer come to your house whenever you'd like. In the New York Times, in runner's world, they're saying it's a gorgeous, hip New York City gym in the comfort of your own home and a go-to training tool.
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And now, DeMarcus Ware. Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest.
It is future Hall of Famer DeMarcus Ware. Are we doing that? Oh yeah, for sure.
Everyone does that now? You intro. I'll let you intro me in.
You can say whatever you want to say. Future Hall of Famer Demarcus Ware.
He's here with Snickers. I am wearing the Snickers chain that they're going to be giving out every single week.
Check that out. It's a brand new iced out chain.
One player every week gets the Snickers chain. So we're passing it around.
Yes. And it's going to charity too, right? Yes.
What's the... Oh, the winner gets $60,000 to charity of his choice.
So do you get to donate to a charity of your choice because you're wearing it right now? Yes, right now. So he's the first nominee.
My cash app. You're the first stop.
Yeah, my cash app will be the charity of my cash app. Just cash to you.
$60,000. Okay, gotcha.
To me. All right, so check it out, Snickers.
It's going to be awesome. It's going to be all year round.
Are you deciding it? Can we be part of the committee?

I'm going to be the one deciding the first person to get this.

Khalil Mack.

Yeah, let's say it was Khalil Mack.

It is.

Now Khalil Mack has to pick the next guy.

Oh, pay it forward.

And so they can go like to, you know, hashtag Snickers chain.

That's almost like the new Flat Stanley.

Yeah.

What's the story going to be with that chain as it keeps traveling through whatever team in it?

I got you.

So what's to stop Khalil Mack from just giving it to Roquan Smith, who gives it to Khalil Mack?

I'll see you're here because this morning, we're taping this on Wednesday. We're going to run this on Friday.
Ezekiel Elliott got paid by Jerry Jones. Now, there's no one better to talk to about how the Cowboys work and how the payment works than you, DeMarcus Ware.
So how much money does Jerry Jones pay under the table to his players? None. But he do pay his players.
Right. So not under the table.
Not under the table but right on top. Right on top of the table.
He's over here and he's going to say hey so Zeke me and you talking and I stopped smiling. There's six years, $90 million contract right here and what I want for you to do is empty the bucket for the Dallas Cowboys,

and I need for you to eat the chains and keep the chains going first, second, third, and fourth down.

I need you on all this.

I'm going to put everything on your back.

Are you ready to empty the bucket for the Dallas Cowboys?

Let's go.

Wait, I'm in Cabo.

Hang on.

I'm landing right now.

Okay.

Stick your gut out.

He's probably out of shape. Okay.

But are you going to empty the bucket? I'm going to empty my bucket, and then I'm going to climb into the Salvation Army bucket afterwards. All right.
So Jerry Jones, very good negotiator. How many contracts did you negotiate with Jerry? Three.
Yep. Did you always feel like he was not had the upper hand, but he's obviously a smooth guy.
Yeah. And it feels like, especially with the Cowboys recently have been in the news because they've had to sign everyone.
They've got a lot of young talent. This is the problem with drafting well.
This is why I always say don't draft well. You never have to pay anyone.
But would you feel like Jerry Jones' aura when you're negotiating with him? There is an aura. And everybody asks me about the story of when I went in Jerry Jones' office.
And imagine, like, if the lights were dimmed and there's a candle right here. There's a candle right here and he's talking to me.
So it's dim like that. Oh, we got it.
Put some jazz on. And so he says we've ran through all of the contract constituencies and we've ran the numbers and we're probably about a couple million dollars off.
And what I want for you to do is there are six years on this contract and there's 90 million dollars on here. Can you empty the bucket for the Dallas Cowboys? He just keeps having you empty the bucket.
And that's exactly that's his word. I mean, that's his word.
And you're going to say lights go up the light just turn up my bucket's totally empty and you sign the paper here yeah yeah and then all the media goes crazy yeah yeah and you feel like you got a great deal yeah you feel like you got a great deal i also always feel like jerry likes to do these contracts when there's going to be media attention on it so like you'll never hear of jerry always media put a contract out like the the friday before labor day or something like that that's not how he operates he likes to make a little bit of a splash uh when you were doing your you actually signed a one day contract yes which you're now did was there any negotiation that or were you just like hey jerry i want to empty the bucket one last time no it was like hey jerry so um there was this one dollar um that jerry jones and bill parcell. Like, okay, well, if DeMarcus doesn't get, you know, many, whatever, nine sacks a year his first three years, you know, your pick was a bust because Jerry Jones picked me.
Parcells didn't want me. That's right.
He wanted Marcus. And it was $1.
So for me, I said, well, remember that $1 that you owe me? Can you put that in my contract? You know, he sits right there and tells me. No.
I'm like, what the heck, man? Put the dollar in the contract. He didn't give me my dollar.
So he did the exact bet from Trading Places just with Bill Parcells about you and Marcus Pierce. But actually, I panned out.
I panned out well. So did Marcus, too.
We can help you out here a little bit, get some publicity going for Snickers. Okay.
So we're going to do a headline grab. You ready? Okay.
This is how you get a headline in the business. You talk about somebody else in the Hall of Fame.
Do you think that Donovan McNabb should be a Hall of Famer? I think that Donovan McNabb should be a Hall of Famer. I mean, going against him every single year, man, he found out.
It's almost like he was by himself. He had Westbrook at the time when I played against him, but he found ways to run the ball, found ways to get the ball down the field.
I think he had Deshaun Jackson at the time crushing it. I think that he is a Hall of Fame.
What about Tony Romo? Tony Romo, yeah. I think Tony Romo, too.
You think so? With no championships, I feel like Tony Romo was a guy. The length span, though.
If he had one championship, he would be in the Hall of Fame. Yeah, I probably agree with that.
It's definitely true. So, real quick, just one last thing on the contract stuff.
Because I have a theory, and you can tell me if this is wildly off. But when Jerry Jones negotiates with someone, he puts a value on being a Dallas Cowboy, being a tackle for the Jaguars versus a tackle for the Cowboys.
But now, from a player's perspective, do you buy that? Do you actually see what Jerry Jones is saying when he tells you that? At first you buy that because you're so engulfed in it. So let's say if you're playing for like five years, you're like, oh man, yeah, I've gotten a lot more appearances.
I feel really, really good. But then once the contract comes, you see that it's more cutthroat.
Right. And you're like, no.
It's not that good to be a Dallas Cowboy. Let's not worry about the star anymore.
Let's worry about this contract and what it actually means for the next two, three, four years going down the road.

Sometimes a zero is worth way more than a star.

Just tap one on there at the end.

Or add one.

Yeah, exactly.

So how do you think about the order that they're going in?

Because I actually, I'll give Jerry credit.

I've been saying that Zeke is a very important piece.

I think he's the most important between him, Dak, and then Amari.

But I think that they've actually done it smart and they've locked up a lot of their interior players.

But I think he's the most important between him, Dak, and then Amari. But I think that they've actually done it smart, and they've locked up a lot of their interior players before they got around to paying these guys.
Whereas if you just load up on your top three guys at the star positions or whatever you want to call it, your team ends up suffering the long run. Do you agree with the way that they've been going about building it in terms of the order, the sequence it's like okay well if i have a hundred million dollars all right first of all can i have some yeah you can please a little bit the guy gave you something in a chain money the snickers chain okay yes so i would give it to the guys that like you said solidified interior guys first because they're going to be more important you chump a little bit off of it and so now the the like, man, there's not a lot of money but I still want to play for them.
And then you go do a couple of extra other guys and now they say there's $50 million left there. Where's $100? Now I can't take as much as I used to.
So it's like a mind game. Mm-hmm.
And then you have no choice. Right.
But to like sign or you say, okay, well then I still got two years on my deal. What am I going do oh there's a cba this collective bargaining agreement it might be a lockout next year so i might not have any money so what am i going to do right so it's it's like a tactic to it yeah yeah absolutely um i got another headline grab for you continue what you were saying when we were walking down the hallway how you thought andrew luck was.
See, I did not say that. You said that.
And I know the Snickers chocolate is actually really soft on here and it's delicious because that's why we're actually giving it, first of all, I love Snickers. But we're actually, you know, rewarding the hungriest player.
You know what I mean? For what we got. Andrew Luck's not very hungry.
I don't know if he likes Snickers or not, but I know that the hungriest guy for a while. In seriousness, the NFL and the fans' perspective, I think, has changed.
I think people are more pro player than they ever have been. When you saw that, when you saw Andrew Luck retire, what did you immediately think? That he doesn't want to play anymore because his body is so beat up because i got to a point in my career my 12th year where i said i can't do it no more like mentally i was all in like i got this i'm ready to compete but then i get out there i'm like man my body's not performing like it used to like i'm i can't hardly walk right i'm like how how long do you actually want to do this and so now you retire and you're like man i feel i actually feel better like now i feel so much better just doing what i'm doing now compared to now out there competing and not perform like you should do you have any lasting injuries that have kind of like hobbled you since these there's anything that yeah i've had three back injuries right back surgery but does it still hurt like Do you wake up every day and you're like, I don't feel 100%? Every day.
Probably about 94%. 94%? 94%.
It's a random number. What about your shoulder? Is your shoulder all right? Yeah, I had two shoulder surgeries.
Right and left. Broken arm.
Elbow surgery. Ankle.
You name it. I figure the shoulder is the one that, if you're a quarterback, that's going to be...
A big one.

That's a big one. Not just

physically, but mentally not thinking that

you have the same arm strength that you used to

so you start changing everything else about your

throwing emotions and it messes you

up more mentally on the inside after that.

The thing is, it's all about accuracy when you're a quarterback too.

When you, now, your gun

is now not like it used to

be, then you have problems.

You're like, okay, well then, I'm not

Thank you. It's all about accuracy when you're a quarterback, too.
And when you – now your gun is now not like it used to be, then you have problems. You're like, okay, well, then I'm not a running quarterback.
I'm actually a passing quarterback, and I don't have what I used to get away with. Right.
It's that throwing arm. Did he ever compliment you after you gave him a sack? Every time.
Yeah. Hey, good hit, bud.
What? I'm even more mad. Yeah.
Because, you know, he pissed me off. Yeah, well, given what's happened, do you think you'd like to take that compliment back? Because you had a part in him retiring early.
Would you like to apologize? I am a gladiator in the dome. And when the lights turn on, the gladiator wakes up and he has to go to war.
So it doesn't matter. Everybody is my enemy except for my own teammates.

Do you dream about football?

No.

No?

Not at all?

I don't dream at all.

At all?

I already lived a dream.

Okay.

I already lived it.

You got one moment

that you think of

as like the pinnacle

of your career.

Is it the Super Bowl?

I would say the height

of my career

is the Super Bowl winning.

That's what every player

wants to get to. But then it was one year, like 2009, when I almost broke my neck.
And I signed a big contract that year. And like four games later, I almost broke my neck.
I laid there paralyzed on the ground. And then like seven days later, I went out there and played.
Why, I don't know. But I just wanted to go out there and compete, win the game.
And I think we made the playoffs that year. And that was like that point where it's always mind over matter with me.
But that was that other point. Those are always crazy, like the stories about guys coming.
I mean, we've had Mark Schlereth on a bunch and him saying he had like a kidney stone the morning of a game and like passing out in pain and then going out and playing. Looking back at that particular example, do you get nervous at all just thinking about what you did? Do you regret it at all? Or are you like, you know what, it happened for a reason, it worked out well for me? Or is there a little bit of second guessing? Like, man, that was dumb.
Nah, I don't second guess none of my decisions because when I make it, I'm full bore if I'm wrong or not. And I feel like no one should ever live their life that way.
Like, am I going to regret this decision?

No, make a decision,

live with it,

and go and get it.

I guess regret's probably the wrong word.

Does it even scare you a little bit

thinking about what you did,

the risk that you put yourself to?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

For my family.

Yeah, like for my family.

I didn't have to go back out there

and play anymore

because I almost broke my neck.

Yeah.

But then I'm like,

all right, well,

you got that warrior mentality.

Everybody supported you through it. But then you're like, that was like a little dumb going out there and doing it.
But what about these, these other two career highlights? I just picked these at random here. Monday night, 2005, fourth quarter against the Redskins.
You're up 13, nothing. Wasn't it? That was a pretty good memory, probably.
Right. I mean, it depends on who was that quarterback.
Mark Brunel.

Mike Brunel.

I probably sacked him probably about four times.

Yeah, and then what happened at the end, though?

Did we lose?

Yeah, Santana Moss.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, right at the end.

The last two minutes.

He wants to rub it in, doesn't he?

Yeah, but I feel like the Cowboys always beat the Redskins,

so it's not really easy to rub it in.

Yeah, this is my one opportunity.

Oh, yeah, here's another random one I'm going to pick out of thin air.

Thanksgiving 2012, at home, Robert Griffin. Is that one of the highlights of your career? When I blew him up.
Yeah. Yeah.
Probably. Yeah, yeah.
He actually seems like he would be a very fun quarterback to hit. No, he's hard.
I mean, he was a hard guy to take down. I mean, he ran like, what, 4'2"? Yeah.
He was so fast. Ridiculously fast.
So you got there, first you got to go through the big offensive tackle that they had and to get to him. And then it's like a rabbit in a hay patch.
It's like you got to figure out how to get to him. Do you think that we overrate Tony Romo? People are a little crazy.
He's okay. He's not that good as an analyst, right? I think that he's really good.

I think Romo

is really good because he doesn't care.

He actually doesn't care

and he's living out of the box.

Like you guys are doing, living out of the box.

Asking all kinds of crazy questions.

Making it fun. You don't have to be like,

so guys, this is what

we're going to do. No.

Be real.

Like you did Dude Perfect.

What's it like being a douchebag?

I don't know about the douchebag,

but I mean,

the Dude Perfect stuff was cool.

They're good people.

We will rival you with them.

Yeah.

Y'all rival with them?

We do.

We have a rival company called Bro Sweet

where we do awesome tricks.

It's a rivalry like the Redskins Cowboys is we just dominate.

So who does the best tricks?

We do.

Come on now.

Oh.

Oh.

That's what he's trying to do.

Bro Sweet.

Bro Sweet.

That's what he's trying to do.

Watch this.

Here we go.

Catch this.

Big catch.

Oh.

Bro Sweet.

Bro Sweet.

Bro Sweet.

Snickers.

No.

There we go.

Incomplete.

Incomplete.

That's irony.

The Snickers bar was doing irony.

Do you still keep in touch with Peyton Manning or John Elway at all? Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, John Elway's a great owner. I think he came up here like a couple days ago with CBS, and they were saying and get invited to all the games to help out with the team.
And with Peyton, we talk all the time. Yeah.
I mean, he's a great dude, man. Yeah.
Great dude. Yeah.
I mean, what was it like watching him the last year when you guys – I mean, that defense was unbelievable, your Super Bowl season. When you're watching Peyton, a guy – we were talking about Andrew Luck, a guy who physically maybe isn't 100%, but he's mentally trying to do it.
Did you see it week to week? You're like, he just – he doesn't have the same stuff. He's just trying to get through every single week.
Yeah, I think he was like the epitome of what a champion was. Like, you might not have, like, the throwing arm.
You might not be able to run like you used to. But when I see him in a treatment room, 6 o'clock in the morning, and then treating for six days, just go out there for like a whole game and then not lose the game, not throw a lot of interceptions, just maintain the game, and then let the defense go out there and play.
That was like really cool to see because when I first got there, we're scoring 45 points a game, balling out game and then let the defense go out there and play. That was really cool to see because when I first got there,

we're scoring 45 points a game, balling out,

and then we don't make it into the postseason.

And then the season that we won the Super Bowl, he wasn't at his best,

but mentally he was the most focused.

And he used what he had around him to win football games.

It was crazy to see.

Yeah, watching him put that last season together, and the defense was incredible. The way that you guys played against the Panthers in the Super Bowl.
Cam Newton, his favorite, you know, his famous business decision he made, not jumping on that loose ball. At what point during the game did you know that you had Cam Newton scared? At the beginning of the game.
Like, right at the beginning of the game, as a defense, we knew that we were going to win the game. We weren't going to lose the game on defense.
We were so pissed because the only thing we heard about was the Carolina Panthers the whole week, how great they were. But nothing about we were the number one defense in the NFL, how we're going to get ran over.
So we were so prepared and so ready that game that we were like, well, I know we're going to pummel over their offense. Offensively, and Peyton comes to me, and actually the whole defense, right in the locker room before the game, and he says, hey, you guys are going to win this game.
That coming from Peyton, big. He said, you guys are going to win this game.
But one thing we're not going to do on offense, we're not going to lose it. You get me close, we're going to score points, and you guys just have it.
We'll make sure you guys are rested. And I'm like, Peyton Manning, Peyton Manning put it on us.
Right. You know, and I'm like, cool.
Yeah. Let's do it.
Yeah, you take it. That's what I wanted to hear.
Yeah, you take it. That's what I wanted to hear.
All right, I have one last question. We're with DeMarcus Ware, future Hall of Famer DeMarcus Ware.
He's here with Snickers. Check out the Snickers.
What is this actually? What are we calling this? Just the... We call that the drip chain.
The drip chain. Yeah, this is the drip chain.
Let's be honest. Akib Tlaib is just going to steal that every week from whoever wins it.
Don't let Crabtree get this. Hey, listen.
Somebody's going to have to get that every single week because they're going to be traveling around the league. And it's going to be security.
I think we're going to hire you guys security to... I'm in.
The chain of command. I'm never taking it off.
Alright, so my last question is, Jason Witten. How's he going to be this year? Consistent.
I think consistently what he needs to be, first of all, a consistent leader, but then being able to move the chains. He's going to be not a deep threat for the move-the-chain guy.
For the Dallas Cowboys. like they can win a championship this year, man.
Okay. I feel like they can do it.
But it's all about how they start off right now. They got a lot of NFC East games coming up early.
Right. The Giants, Washington, right? They got a lot of NFC.
You want to guarantee it? Guarantee what? A Super Bowl for the Cowboys. Guarantee a Super Bowl? Yeah, do it.
I don't guarantee anything. Just do it.
I don't guarantee anything. Yeah, I don't guarantee anything.
You're right. You're actually right.
I guarantee as well. I'm going to jump on your guarantee.
I guarantee that you're going to be the first person to wear that chain. Yeah.
And I guarantee that someone the first week of the season is going to be appreciating that chain. Yes, absolutely.
It is a nice chain. I have one last question, too.
So, Jadavion Clowney, I actually think that his game kind of resembles yours and in terms of like you both being freak athletes who were i know you were sprinter back in high school he ran like a four was it four or five four six something like that um he just moved to a new team the seahawks he doesn't really have that much time to get caught up with the defensive playbook but for a guy like him whose job can be just go get the quarterback is there any sort of adjustment time or is there anything that he's missing out on by not having those reps with the guys? I think one thing he's left out on is that team camaraderie. When you go to OTAs, you figure out what guy rushes better with you, the training camp, the mini camps, where you fit.
Towel fights. Yeah, everything.
Where you actually fit in the defense. A rusher is going to be a rusher.
You can just put him down there, and they're going to rush. But, okay, who am I rushing with? How fast is this guy getting off the ball? What type of games are we going to run? How are they going to attack me? All those things, he's not going to know.
So they're going to put him down there. I don't know, maybe sparingly, maybe third down start figuring things out and then go from there okay awesome well future hall of famer to mark swear check out snickers i mean everyone loves snickers i don't yep people want to check it out people love it sideline sideline now you're sideline yeah we still have eligibility all right to markus thanks so much man all protein bars generally taste the same, but not one bars.
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Find all one bars at a retailer near you or on amazon.com okay segments wrapping up the friday show uh i feel like i bounced back a little by the way well you were grumpy at the start i was but you know what it was fancy fuck boys yeah that's our podcast version of smelling salt so let's do some fire fest to really go back backwards in time and bum me out again hank i got a bunch of of fire fests. Oh yeah.
Oh yeah. Dude.
Sounds like have a mic. Let it, let it ride.
My first one that was that Antonio Brown was, I drafted my fantasy league. Oh, no one cares.
Okay. My other one is that I started a fancy football podcast and then we had to do fancy fuck boys.
Yep. No one cares.
And then also I had Aaron Rodgers. He really had no points tonight for my other fantasy team.
That's it. Yeah, so plug the pod.
No, that's it. No, no, no.
Plug the pod. No, I'm just looking for things in my life.
No, I'm just saying. Plug the pod.
I've been going through my week, and it's just like those are the things that affect me. It's called fantasy football fuckboys.
Fantasy football factory. Fantasy.
There you go. There's the plug.
No, seriously. Go download it.
PFT and I have a team. Spencer Hawes, friend of the program, actually sat in for PFT.
And I looked so small next to Spencer Hawes. And I realized, like, that's probably what you look like next to me.
That sucks. No, that's not quite exactly.
Now, grumpy big cat's back. My Fire Festival week is dealing with grumpy big cat because his team lost the game and they didn't look very impressive doing it.
I'm not going to lie. And then he lashes out, and that's okay.
No, I'm not lashing out. But the important thing about doing a podcast with people that you trust is you know that you're going to get over these rough patches.
I know that it's not about me. It's just week one, dude.
I know that when you say mean things to me like don't make Kyle Sloater happen, it's not because you actually think it's bad, it's because you're just dealing with your own personal issues.

And we're just moving forward as a team

from this, and we're going to build together,

and adversity makes us stronger. So it's a

Fyre Fest right now, but guess what?

Today's Fyre Fest is tomorrow's blessing.

It was me, it was like, usually we're

watching these games together, and me and Bubba,

before you guys came back, were shaking,

like we were two kids in our room waiting for Dad to come home,

like, oh shit, like, hopefully he doesn were two kids in our room, like waiting for dad to come home. Like, oh shit.
Like he's going to take off the belt.

Yeah.

Like hopefully,

hopefully he doesn't have rings on.

Come some smell like a kid.

Yeah.

All right.

My fire fest is,

I'm going to wake up tomorrow with just a black eye

and I'll be like, it's fine.

I fell down.

I fell into a doorknob.

My fire fest is,

I thought Aaron Rodgers was over the hill.

Well, he's not.

Well, according to Hank's fantasy projection, he kind of is. Yeah, that's true.
I thought he was over the hill. Well, he's not.
Well, according to Hank's fantasy projection, he kind of is.

Yeah, that's true.

I thought he was over the hill.

Definitely not fourth round.

I thought he and Matt LaFleur hated each other.

And I thought that wasn't going to work out.

Well, if you saw him after the game, what did he do?

He went up to Petten first and shoved him and was like,

get out of the way because LaFleur is in charge of this defense right now.

Let this guy cook.

Fuck.

All right. Thoughts and prayers.
Jeremy Renner's app. So explain this to me, PFT.
Jeremy Renner had an app? Jeremy Renner had an app, and it was called, I think, the Jeremy Renner app. Okay.
And basically, he invented his own Facebook for himself, where Jeremy Renner fans could meet and discuss Jeremy Renner, and then you could buy upgrades. It was freemium.
So you could buy upgrades on it, and what did those upgrades give you? Stars that you could award to people that you thought made good Jeremy Renner comments underneath Jeremy Renner's posts. So it cost money to essentially like all the posts.
The problem was it was overrun with trolls almost immediately, people that were just pretending to be other people and celebrities because there was no verification process. So if you look underneath any of his comments, it's all like there was one from, I think Natalie Holloway underneath there.
There were just like all sorts of weird celebrities and Jeremy Renner just shut it down. He decided that the juice is not worth the squeeze.
So we ruined it. The internet ruined a fun idea.
Jeremy Renner. It was a great idea to talk to his fans.
What I love when celebrities don't realize what the internet is right now. Like they, they're like, Hey, I'm going to go on.
I'm going to chat with my friends and my fans, and it's going to be so great. And everyone can connect with me, dude.
Yep. It's a troll myself out there.
Yeah. We have bots and trolls and that's it.
Well, here's the thing. What if Antonio Brown had just posted that picture of his fine on the the jeremy renner app that would have been then it probably would not have gotten back to mike mayock about it and probably wouldn't have gotten punched in the face that we didn't see mike mayock definitely is on the jeremy renner app just letting off steam he's like this antonio brown guy anyone think he's a dick yeah yeah he's definitely on there for sure i actually think that if you're a celebrity this is so tragic that it got shut down because if you wanted to just let off some steam, the perfect place to do it would be on the Jeremy Renner app under your real name because no one, everyone would just think it was a fake celebrity.
Right. Because that's always like Larry, the cable guy could go on there and just like go off on immigration and shit.
And people would be like, oh, that's a very funny tool. Yeah.
The cable guy. He was spot on.
Right right okay so jeremy renner's thoughts and prayers to your app i just can't believe that anyone i would love to have sat in that meeting when jeremy you know what it is when i when all these things happen i just assume it's someone in jeremy renner's circle who's like shit i haven't been doing a lot recently like jr is starting to figure it out like we're not we're not making another Hurt Locker anytime soon. We need big ideas for you guys.
We need to have something real quick to make me look busy. Oh, I know.
Let's do an app where there's no authentication and people can just troll each other. Why don't we make just a big cat troll app where every time your team loses a game, people can just log on.
It's just my Twitter mentions. Yes.
That is my Twitter mentions. Well, that's the lesson learned from this is anytime a celebrity wants to invent their own Twitter for themselves, it usually doesn't work out that well.
Right. Like you're better off trying to – somebody should actually start an app that's called – what does Belichick call it? Snapface? There should be a Snapface or like an InstaChat.
Is that his other one? yeah how come these apps don't already exist by the way reminder jake uh bill belichick football guy the week nominee that quote i like football and everything comes with football season and everything that happens in football season all-time quote uh drunk idea pft yeah i had a drunk idea uh that i came up with the other day because i was uh i was walking and i was What's up on a weeknight? We don't... Shame.
Yeah, I had a drunk idea that I came up with the other day because I was walking and I was... On a weeknight?

What's up?

On a weeknight?

We don't...

Shame.

Yeah, I was down in Austin.

For my work, I had to drink six and a half beers in an hour.

So I was approached by Jehovah's Witness, and I was wondering, like, there's that old trope about, like, you know, they knock on your door.

I don't know if they still do door knocks anymore, but nobody wants to open the door for them. If they just had a pizza in their hand, you always open the door.
If somebody is holding a pizza, why don't the Jehovah's witnesses, instead of holding that, uh, the little pamphlet that they always hand out, the watchtower, why, why don't they just have a pizza box that says watchtower on it? And they open it up. You have a pizza.
Boom. Conversation.
Is there a pizza in there? Yeah, there's an actual pizza. But what happens after? So how many pizzas do you think they're gonna have to give away i like this well how many people do they say get 120 000 i think is how many people get into heaven or how about this they just do like if you're a jehovah witness free pizza for life oh i like that too just go one up so it's like that's that's the intro is the pizza at the door uh-huh but part pitch is, hey, you like this pizza? How about pizza all the time? Except not on your birthday because that would count as a celebration.
Correct. So you have to fast for that one day.
Well, no. If you eat pizza every day, not eating pizza would make your birthday out of the norms.
That would be a celebration. Okay.
You have to eat more pizza on your birthday. God, John.
Barstool Gold PMT.

We should get Jehovah's Witness.

We should absolutely interview somebody.

We absolutely should.

And offer them pizza.

And the Williams sisters.

They're Jehovah's Witnesses.

Seriously?

We should just have them on for Barstool Gold.

Yeah.

Is Jehovah still alive?

Gotta be.

What's the difference between Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons?

They both go to doors, right?

They both love doors.

Okay.

That's it.

So that's the Venn diagram.

And they wear ties. They usually wear ties.
Door-loving religion. Yes, absolutely.
Okay. Let's finish up with FAQs.
Alright. In 15 of the past 16 seasons, the team has gone from worst to first in their division.
Barring that it happens again this year, which team do you like out of the last place teams from last year? Bengals, Jaguars, Jets Bucks Cardinals Giants all right hold on Jets Bucks Cardinals Giants Lions Raiders Jaguars Jaguars Jaguars yeah Jaguars because that division is like Andrew Luck's gone that's why Kelly I don't know what the Titans offense is going to be and yeah I love my I don't know what the offense is going to be, but they're not busting with the boys because Taylor LeJuan's out for the first couple games. The bus hit a little bit of a speed bump.
And then Deshaun Watson is going to get injured at some point. Like he always does.
Yeah, I think it's got to be the Jaguars. Jaguars in my second pick would be same again real quick.
Bengals, Jaguars, Lions, Raiders, Jets, Bucs, Cardinals, Giants. Jets.
But they're not going to. I do think the Jets are going to be good.
I do too. I think the Jets are going to be good.
They're going to be good Giants. They're going to trade Daniel Jones and then get a receiver from the Colts.
They're going to get T.Y. Hilton from the Colts, rebuild around Eli.
Eli takes advantage of this, and he signs a four-year extension.

And they pick up Antonio Brown after he gets cut.

Perfect.

He sounds like a Gettleman guy.

Yes.

David Gettleman would murder.

Literally, he would poison Antonio Brown's mustache die.

That's a good question.

Here's another one that's kind of related.

Can you name a team who's got a quarterback worse than Andy Dalton

that didn't make a move to get a better quarterback this offseason? Andy Dalton's got a job for life. Andy Dalton does have a job for life.
I'm not a believer in Jameis Winston. I'm not a believer in Marcus Mariota.
Let's see. I'm not a believer in Jimmy Garoppolo.
I think he needs to get back to fucking porn stars. Does it count?

But is he worse than Andy Dalton at this current stage?

Yes, because he's never made a tackle in a playoff game.

Does it count?

Well, no, Eli.

Well, I guess they drafted Daniel Jones, so that counts as a move.

Does it count that the Broncos got Joe Flacco?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's not.

No, but that's a downgrade from Trevor Simeon. Don't.
Don't. They didn't make a move to get a better QB.
Yeah, so that does count. Yeah, yeah.
The Broncos. But then they did draft Drew Locke, who I think is better than Trevor Simeon and Joe Flacco.
And you can't, you know, the value of a Super Bowl MVP. Like, you can't buy that.
You can't put a price on that. That's true.
You cannot put a price on that. Absolutely.
He would have two rings if Lee Evans had dropped that pass. How many rings would he have if he was on the Steelers? On the Steelers? No, put it this way.
If he was on the Chargers, he would have three rings. Still an all-time team.
And then Phillip Rivers would have been on, and he'd have six on the Steelers. Got it.
I still haven't heard an argument against it that makes sense to me. I would like to see.
You should dive into a world where Tom Brady doesn't exist and then just simulate those 15 years. Oh, that's kind of a fun thought experiment.
If Tom Brady doesn't exist, then we probably don't have a podcast. True.
Let's be honest. Yeah, Barstow Sports doesn't exist.
What do we as collective Vikings fans need to do for the Vikings curse from PFT to be lifted? Sounds like people are believing in it, Big Cat. I think you got to embrace it.
Yeah. Wait, I never poo-pooed the Vikings curse.
That was the rest of Twitter. Okay.
Corrected you and was like, didn't get the joke. Oh, no, but you poo-pooed the Vikings curse because of Slaughter just earlier in this thing.
Well, he's not on the Vikings. Oh, yeah.
That's where the curse. That's where the curse.
Yeah, so what do they need to do to get rid of it? I'd say probably bring Blair Walsh back. That works.
Because then it's the curse of Blair Walsh at that point, and it's not on Slaughter anymore. No, I think you need to...
It's still a curse, but it's just you shift it. I think you need to embrace it.
I think you need to come go to Vikings games with we embrace the Kyle Slaughter curse. Hug it.
Somebody needs to get the Kyle Slaughter curse tattooed on their chest, but in reverse order. So it starts with an E.
Stigmata? I don't know. Memento.
Yeah, just get it tattooed in reverse letters across your chest. Stigmata.
That's what Tim Tebow has when he cuts his handies out for the season. Got it.
20 second explained to Hank. Stonks.
Stonks. We don't know.
Stonks, they're going up. You buy them.
And they go up. And then you post the picture saying, stonks going up.
Okay. Two more.
Why do referees measure questionable first down spots to the millimeter when all previous spots, including the current spot being measured, were guesses at best? Why are they measuring a series of guesses to the fraction of an inch when likely there's been dozens of inches of errors combined in each of those guesses? Obvious solution is to track the ball like in tennis or soccer or measure 10 yards from the first spot. And if the refs ever spotted past that initially determined 10 yards, it's a first down.
No need to. All right wait for what was it he's saying like why do they measure like uh close third downs or fourth downs to the inch when all the other like before the like 10 yard marker they're just guessing i agree with you football games aren't long enough they should they should bring the chains out for every single down but if you really want to get philosophical with a bro because it sounds like you want to talk some philosophy nobody can ever truly achieve a first down because in order to get 10 yards you first have to go five yards and then you have to get five yards you have to go two and a half yards and so you will never actually make it all the way to a first down there's nothing more thrilling than a first down that gets missed by like the the width of a card Remember when, was it Gene's territory that just had an index card? It's unbelievable.
It's unbelievable. You should just measure it with Brett Favre's dick.
Last one. Would you rather? That doesn't mean.
No, well, I mean, as a huge Packer fan wearing an owner hat, you'd think that you would respect your legend. Well, no, but then he left and went to our division rival, our hated rival.
The New York Jets. And then reciprocity, though.
What's that? Reciprocity. That's true.
That's true. Good point, man.
You can share. Gotta respect that.
Would you rather be, last one, would you rather be in jail for one year or be in jail until you could solve a Rubik's Cube? Oh my god, one year. Those things are...
I don't think I'd ever solve it. The people that...
I actually think that you're a witch if you can solve a Rubik's Cube behind your back. If you had done that back in the 1600s, you would be tied up to a stake immediately and I wouldn't stop them.
How about the people who... You ever see them on the subway? I've seen dudes who just are sitting there on their commute.
Like, I'm just going to crush this Rubik's Cube. That makes me think.
Given, like, a year, 100 days, 200 days of doing nothing but trying to just fucking around. That's such a flex to just have a Rubik's Cube that you're solving on the subway.
Think about it. We should get 365 days of nothing else.
We should get a Rubik's Cube for our next live stream that we do for a game. How about this? And we all just have to sit there while we're watching the game.
Because it's like there's some type of just like twisty. But it's one of those things that once you get it, you get it.
So you're not smart if you get it. Once you get it, you cease to be smart because you can just do it again.
You're smart when you get it. Solving a puzzle is that way because you can reverse what you did.
Hank, how long do you think it would take you? Because I want to, I almost want to make this a thing. Like if I gave you a Rubik's Cube.
No, we should do this. And if you can solve it in under a month, we will listen to your podcast.
Guests? We'll be. What do you mean? Would you be guests? I'll be a guest on your podcast.
On the one we executive produce? Yeah. Yeah.
I will be a guest on two of your podcasts. Yeah, but it's like Mark like that he was never really an entourage well we use the opening no i know but we didn't even get in the graphic i'm saying your account doesn't even follow me i'm saying i'm saying like the most alert person in the world no i probably doesn't follow probably could have followed me i just know he didn't two weeks ago.
But I'm going to keep saying that.

But that's the thing.

With the internet, I definitely feel like I could.

No, but this would be an honor system.

You can't hack the Rubik's Cube.

Jake, get us three Rubik's Cues for Sunday,

and we will sit and watch the 4 o'clock games trying to solve Rubik's Cubes.

We'll do it.

We'll do it.

Who wins, though?

Because none of us are going to be able to solve it. I think the viewers lose.
Everyone loses. Yeah, right.
So it'll be a good time. That's actually, yeah, it's a pretty good bet.
All right, Monday. I'm so excited.
Go Tigers. We're going to have week one.
Yeah. We'll have the full recap.
Yeah. We have some primo guests coming up, by the way.
Yes, we do. Some primo, primo, like A-lister guests coming up.

Hall of Famers.

Hall of Famers.

Yes, Hall of Famers.

Hall of Famers.

In multiple sports and entertainment and a lot of different things.

Yeah, so we're giving you pure, uncut shit.

Yeah.

Straight up your nostril.

Love you guys. I'm coming for your lover.

I'm coming for your lover. Take me.

Take me.

Take me.

Take me.

Take me.

Take me. Take me.
Needless to see.

All set in.

Spokey.

Stumbling away.

Smell and learn in my life.

We're so keen.

Say I'm keen.

Lies look better to be safe inside. Lies look better to be safe inside.
Lies look better to be safe inside Likes were better to be safe inside Take on me Take me up Take me up Take me up Take me up Oh, I love you, God. I love you, God.
I love you, God. All the dreams that we're standing in, reason I know.
Just to play my worries away. You're all the things I've got to remember.
You're shying away. I love you, God.
I love you, God. I love you, God.
I love you, God. Thank you.
Take on me Take me.

Take me.