Andrew Luck Retires, Rams' Andrew Whitworth And Mount Rushmore Of Guests We Want On The Show

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We also have future Hall of Famer Andrew Whitworth from the Los Angeles Rams. Mount Rushmore of guests we would love to have on this show.
And Andrew Luck has retired. That's the big news.
So we'll talk all about that. Before we do that.
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Pudaneshka. Pudaneshka.
Pudaneshka. Today is Monday, August 26th.
Anything big happen this weekend? Any future Hall of Famers retire in the prime of their career? The biggest story maybe in the history of sports happened on Saturday night. That's the big debate going on right now because we are kind of like a we're prisoners of the moment because we all are online all the time.

Yeah. And so we can react to everything which makes

sports a lot more fun to watch and to follow.

But when Andrew Luck retired

I thought you were talking about Felipe Frank still being a

quarterback. He still stinks.

He still stinks. But when Andrew Luck retired

the discourse shifted almost

immediately from like oh holy

shit Andrew Luck's retiring to

is this the craziest sports story to

ever break. Yes.
And while it was like a

I'm going to go this the craziest sports story to ever break? Yes. And while it was like a little bit shocking, I was not ready for it emotionally.
And I had maybe drafted Andrew Luck in three out of my five fantasy leagues. It is it's pretty fucking shocking that he just decided to quit at that time.
And the way that Schefter reported it, that whole thing, the story behind the story, I think there's still a lot that we have to learn about that so well someone leaked it and then Schefter had the ball so Schefter dropped the bomb and then uh from every everything that's been written about Andrew Luck his plan was to tell his teammates after the game the preseason game against the Bears do a press conference on Sunday uh talking to the press instead Schefter dropped it in the middle of the third quarter of the game, and Andrew Luck then left the field at the after the game to booze, which we'll get to that, and Schefter had the balls to tweet out Andrew Luck said he expected to tell his teammates that he was retiring Sunday before his timeline got moved up. Now, Schefter did his job, but, dude, you are the reason why the timeline got moved up you announced it and basically blew up Andrew Locke's entire plan of telling his teammates first right and then telling the media so it was shocking it was crazy the reactions uh like we said the boos I think everyone was like you know that was that was probably not right and you know what I bet you everyone who booed like when you take them out of the moment like yeah you know, that was probably not right.
And you know what? I bet you everyone who booed, like, when you take them out of the moment, like, yeah, you know what? I was feeling shitty. Our franchise quarterback just retired at age 29.
I'd probably take a mulligan on that. I'd probably like that back.
So I don't know which direction you want to go with it. I laugh so much about the internet, like, the free points that were given out for everyone to fight the straw men being like,

Andrew Luck has the right to choose whatever he wants to choose.

All you fans bitching and moaning.

Where were the fans bitching and moaning?

A lot of people thought it was weird.

The ones at the stadium, I think.

Yeah, but that was like what they were picking out was like the booze as he was walking off the field.

And then you had, you can go to like Doug Gottlieb. You can go to your three kings of uh sports takes and check those out like Doug Gottlieb uh I think mad dog Russo said something and then uh man I went straight to Danny Cannell yeah fuck Danny Cannell he didn't fuck Danny Cannell for getting soft yeah Danny's living out on us that's a problem I think he's a front runner for lib of the year next year smoking weed but no but it was basically and then and then Dockage as well andtlieb got completely roasted and then tried to claim sarcasm which it wasn't and he he got ratioed to the moon his exact tweet by the way doug gottlieb you know a guy doesn't know how to use twitter when uh he says retiring because rehabbing is quote-unquote too hard is the most millennial thing ever hashtag andrew luck just making sure that everyone

knew that he was talking about andrew luck in the moment anyone searching for andrew luck on twitter in that moment can get their their take straight from doug but but but my my bigger point is that i really don't i think there were a lot of people who are just getting free internet points by claiming andrew luck has the right to do whatever he wants which he does I actually think that this like when you hear him talk about

the cycle of rehab and how

he hasn't been right for a very long

time and Ryan

Grigson should basically go to

like he should be charged with war crimes

what he did

Andrew Luck's first four years

in the NFL he got hit more than any other quarterback

they didn't have an offensive line

protecting a franchise quarterback

so I get

where Andrew Luck's coming from I just don't

I'll see you next time. in the NFL, he got hit more than any other quarterback.
They didn't have an offensive line protecting a franchise quarterback. So I get where Andrew Luck's coming from.
I just don't understand why it has to be all or nothing. I think Colts fans, I'm going to speak up for Colts fans for a second.
They have, I think it's totally fair for Colts fans to be like, you know what, this fucking sucks. Well, yeah, so I think that the big problem that the Colts fans would be entitled to have is the fact that this is two out of the last three seasons that Jim Irsay has basically told them we've got Andrew Luck going into this year,

and then they don't.

That brings up a whole other can of worms.

Which is what I think Dockage's big point was.

Well, that's not what he tweeted out on Saturday,

but that's what he's tried to cover it up with.

But yeah, I think that Irsay, in the fact that he's paying Andrew Luck $25 million,

that's hush money right there.

I don't know what Andrew Luck knows. He knows a lot of shit about a lot of shit.
And he knows a lot of stuff about Jim Ursae. There's a reason why Jim Ursae was rolling around in his Mercedes Benz with $30,000 in cash in a bag.
That was hush money for Jim Sorge. I think Andrew Luck, I think Jim Ursae is hoping that Andrew Luck, after a year of getting away from the game, maybe getting healthy, is going to say, hey, I really miss football and I want to come back.
So that was, to me, a play by the Colts. And you have to take that risk.
Like, hey, if Andrew Luck decides he wants to play again, we want him to be like, I'm playing for the Colts and you have to take that risk like hey if Andrew Luck decides he wants to play again we want him to be like I'm playing for the Colts no matter what even though he's under contract and it would have been a whole thing he's going to the XFL but he would have he he could have been like I don't want to play for the Colts but I want to come back this now makes it if he ever does want to come back it's going to be for the Colts but the Jim Ursa is I mean he's just a such a weird character in this whole thing because I'm pretty sure he's the one who leaked it to Adam Schefter yeah so Irsay's like he's always kind of tripping a little bit on some weird acid that he's done in the past so when he found out that Andrew Luck was gonna retire he was probably like man I can't be dishonest to my friend Adam I need to give him a call right and he like hits him up maybe butts him. I don't know.
I don't know how Adam Schefter gets. Maybe the Patriots have the Colts facilities bugged.
That's when, okay, now it's all come together. McDaniels goes to Indianapolis, interviews to be their head coach, sticks a bug under the table.
Now he's got all the info coming out of Indy. They call Schefter.
Schefter reports it before luck's ready. Oh, okay.
So they got him that way him that way yes but keep the bug there and they'll never find the bug or say would never find people in the organization didn't know until yesterday either well so it's the timeline doesn't really make sense because they said that he's been mulling this for a few weeks now and almost it sounds like he kind of had his decision made a couple weeks ago um I again I actually think Andrewrew luck like the way he describes it and there's been rumors that he has arthritis in his shoulder and if he kept on playing he wouldn't be able to like basically use his shoulder and he's a smart guy made a lot of money obviously has a lot of hobbies outside of football and so it makes sense for him i just i'm more speaking from a fan perspective Everyone jumps in saying, Andrew Luck doesn't owe you anything, and that's true, but I still think Colts fans can be like, you know what? This fucking sucks. Yeah, but they've got Swag Kelly ready to step up at a moment's notice.
The other thing that I was thinking about was, you know when we always laugh about the Combine interviews and the josh rosen like is this player too smart yes it absolutely is a real question everyone mocks it including ourselves but everyone you know the the the blue checkmark brigade usually mocks it like oh you can't have interest out of football well this is actually a perfect case where andrew luck is a very smart guy he has a ton of interests outside of football i think he loved football i think the injuries made him fall out of love with football because he's like you know what there's more to life than this and it proves yet again the nfl wants in the guys they draft they want robots they want guys who are going to do anything for the team no matter what they don't want guys who a mind of their own. And so that's why you hear the reports before draft being like, this guy's too smart.
And that's actually a thing. Right.
I'll put it this way. Ben Roethlisberger is never in danger of thinking about anything besides how he's going to extend this play.
Right. Like that's he's he's like a dog that gets fixated on a bone.
And that bone is football. His body is is falling apart and the only reason he would retire is because he hates uh uh who's his name todd uh todd haley todd haley right that's why he retired to spite not because his body's falling apart yeah if if ben roethlisberger's nipples fell off before a game he'd just be like oh well i gotta go out there and sling it right and see if i can't got this one out-14.
Like, yeah, you're right. There is an element of, like, yes, Andrew Luck, he is not too smart to play football, but in a way it's like you can't trick him into playing football any longer than he has to.
Right, and I love from, like, take it outside of football. You love someone who has the wherewithal to be like, hey, you know what? Football sports aren't any everything I want my health more than anything else that's a great move for Andrew Luck because there's a lot of guys who you see hang along hang around for way too long yep and their bodies deteriorate but next time that happens in the combine in the draft process and everyone mocks the guy who's too smart this is why teams look at it this way and it And it's, it might not, you might not agree with it, but they're saying we're going to make an investment.
We don't want someone who is going to think for themselves and be like, Hey, my health is more important than football. As crazy as that sounds, because that's actually the way you should think, but not the way NFL teams want their players.
Exactly. And it also, it's total vindication for Dan Snyder for not drafting Andrew Luck, for moving up just to take RG3.
And the only two words that are sweeter in the English language than mock draft, you know what they are? What? Redraft. Redraft.
So now we're going to have to go back and redraft to 2012. I'd still take Andrew Luck.
Now it's right after their six-year bump, so keep that in mind if they're a quarterback. Trent Richardson, he's still a future Hall of Famer.
He'll be back before Andrew Luck. He was AAF MVP.
Yeah, true. He won an MVP.
Brandon Whedon, still slinging it. Luke Keekly.
Keekly. I mean, Keekly's like the other end of the spectrum when it comes to guys being like, hey, maybe my health should be more important than Luke Keeley.

Luke Keeley put his body on the line every single week.

He's had a million concussions.

And that's not a knock on Andrew Luck.

Some guys will just go through hell and their life will be miserable to play on Sundays.

Andrew Luck was like, hey, I just got married.

I have a life.

I don't want to do this. Well, didn't he also say that he almost got divorced?

He said like it almost cost his marriage.

Let's hear Hank's series.

I'm sorry. luck was like hey i just got married i have a life i don't want to do this well then he also say that he almost got divorced he said like oh yeah hank's got his marriage let's hear thanks yeah let's go hank this isn't much but this isn't a theory per se but he said that the year off that he had rehabbing helped save his marriage and otherwise without that year he probably wouldn't be married so it leads the question to believe like maybe that marriage being reconciled was part of the reason that he like, oh, does Andrew care more about his wife than football?

I boom to that's a bad day. Every Andrew.

Yeah, you're oh, you're in love.

Cool.

It's just so the whole the whole thing is shocking.

It really is.

And it's Jesus never got married.

It's no, it turned out fine.

He lasted until he was 33.

Let me throw another tapped out another harebrained theory because we're doing the sex ruined Andrew Luck. How much do you put into the fact that he was rapidly balding? And he was like, I don't want to be in the spotlight when I get bald.
He saw Blake Bortles shave his head. I don't think Andrew Luck has ever been concerned about his appearance.
Okay. All right.
I'm just saying. I noticed it even more.
More pronounced than usual. He was overcompensating with the neck beard.
Yes. Man, thoughts and prayers.
Seriously, thoughts and prayers to the to the shitty general andrew luck twitter account yes and what i realized over the weekend is there's an entire ecosystem of civil war general quarterback twitter accounts out there there's like a there's like a corporal pat mahomes they're like i really like every team has that and it's stolen they stole the entire fucking bit too that's so and then and then when the lights were the brightest on the civil War Andrew Luck Twitter account, he laid a fucking egg. First of all, it took him like 14 hours to come up with a 190-character tweet, fuck you.
I could have written that tweet in like five minutes. And you know his phone was blowing up, too.
He's like, oh, my God. He's like sweating his ass off.
This is my opus. It is your moment.
I need to really respond. And respond and then he was just like oh dearest martha i'm retiring you know i'm going back to the farm sucks yeah fuck you he should have been killed in action it does suck though from a nfl fan perspective too because andrew luck is fun to watch and he's fun to do his goofy thing where he says good hit to everyone do you think he regrets that all the guys that like fucked up his injury you know his injury, made him injured over the years and basically took the love of football out of his body, and he was like, good job, big boy.
Do you think he called up Shafton and was like, hey, that's a great scoop you had. Yeah.
I got to say. Good scoop, big boy.
That was an awesome scoop. I mean, I am going to miss him.
I'm going to miss him. I am too.
What do you think his next step is? Because I think maybe he's an architect. I say XFL.
He's going to become like a teacher now. He's going to become like a third grade teacher.
He's just like a big-time architect. He's going to ride his bike to school.
I mean, Andrew Luck's going to build a huge building that we know about. Well, I think he loves architecture.
In Africa. But he's not like an architect.
Yeah, but I think he might go back to school. There will be a story in Sports Illustrated.
Well, no, Sports Illustrated won't be around. There'll be a story in whatever magazine.
Bleacher Report hologram. Bleacher Report slideshow that says Andrew Luck.
Look at Andrew Luck. He's back at Stanford getting his architecture.
I think he's going to move to Europe. He's going to have a bunch of sex and have some kids.
Yep. Nice.
All right, so he's going to fuck. Oh, by the way, here's the other thing I thought of.
On Andrew Luck's to-do list now that he's retired is fuck, bill, and then make building in Africa slash Europe. Okay.
How pissed do you think Jim Harbaugh is? Oh, very mad. I thought about that.
He's so mad right now. He was disgusted when he saw this news.
Yeah, he probably wasn't too excited about that. You know what Jerry Jones thinks he's going to do? He's going to getrew luck or like a bidding war which jerry jones uh thinks andrew luck's gonna be president one day i mean this whole thing it's crazy i really do feel bad for colts fans i think they get a bad obviously the booing was bad but they get a bad rap because everyone what hank everyone's just like forgiving colts fans automatically no, because I think.
If it was Boston, but also if it was Philadelphia, if it was Philadelphia, it would be just as bad. If it was New York, it would be just as bad.
But because it's Indianapolis, people are like, oh, well, those Colts fans don't mean it. The Colts fans are great.
No, I think that if it's similar, it's not the same because it's your own guy and booing your own guys weird. But similar to when Kevin Durant went down in Toronto and everyone, like, jumped on Toronto fans, I said the same thing.
Fans are fans. Fans are crazy.
Fans are very passionate. And in the moment, these guys, like, the people who booed Andrew Luck are not thinking, wow, he probably has gone through hell to get back.
And his injuries have taken, like, like the love of football away and he's worried if he can even lift his arm in three years they're thinking we were soup we were dark horse super bowl contenders now we're not fuck this and i'm i'm paying for a shitty preseason game so i i'm not excusing it but i understand like fans it feels like everyone on twitter like dumps on fans now and basically says fans don't have a right to be upset they don't have a right to say andrew luck owes them anything but they have every right to be like you know what this really sucks our guy is retiring right they do they just probably should have booed him no they should not have but i also understand we're all out to have feelings reaction as somebody that just saw the trailer for the mr rogers movie over the weekend we're all allowed to have feelings and we need to work on constructive ways to deal with our feelings and you can sing a song you can play all the low notes on the piano all at once uh but maybe don't boo andrew luck as he's balding and walking off the field if andrew luck had announced he was retiring on wednesday and then they booed him on saturday i'd be like that's totally different premeditated booing right that's totally different this was the instant reaction and it's not good and i'm not excusing it but i also understand fans are crazy word was trickling through the crowd that night like remember when bin laden got shot and it was sunday night sunday night baseball and everybody was like telling each other yes john cena should have come out and announced it to. And that way he would have taken the booze.
And then when it came time for Andrew Luck to walk off, it would have been fine. I think they would have.
They all want to take it back for the most part. Right.
Like there's probably a handful of. Hank gets mad about that.
Okay. How about this, Hank? How about.
I'm just saying Boston, New York, Philadelphia. All would have been received way worse.
You guys would have been like classic Boston Boston, classic Philadelphia, classic New York. Hang up a banner at Lucas Oil that says Andrew Luck didn't retire for seven years.
Put that next to the 2014 AFC finalist. That shouldn't be that stuff.
Yeah, you didn't even get him that far anyway. So it's like, you're not even losing that much.
He was the second most TDs in the first six seasons in NFL history behind Dan Marino. Rec marino recurring guest dan marino i don't know i just think that that if you look at twitter and this might be fighting my own straw man everyone uh dumps every everyone has the same take andrew luck didn't know you anything we know that that's stating the obvious andrew luck doesn't owe us anything of course not but how about the fact that fans can be upset because most of these people like live and die with their teams how how much do you think he's gonna freak out when he gets his first iphone now that he's retired oh man because he's gonna be bored for a while maybe that's why he retired he's like i need at least two months to figure out this iphone technology yeah when his wife gets him the first iphone because she's like listen we have to be able to text and do all this stuff yeah this is very tough on our marriage right now because you don't have an iPhone.
I'm sick of these fucking green bubbles popping up all the time. His mind is going to be blown.
It's going to be like Bob Dylan taking acid for the first time. What other things we have about it? The only other things I had was Chris Ballard now has a job for life because he basically gets stuck with a terrible situation.
And now he can basically say, well, Andrew Luck retired. Is it a terrible situation, though? Is it? What do you mean? Jacoby Brissett? No, no.
I'm saying he basically gets like five more years now. Oh, yeah.
Because if your franchise quarterback retires at age 29, you can basically say, well, I didn't see that one coming. Well, what's going to happen is Brissette's going to play above his expectations.

Oh, I'm betting them week one against the Chargers.

I'm taking the over on their season total right now.

I think it's at eight and a half.

No, six.

It's at six, six and a half.

I'm taking the over on that big time.

And then Brissette's going to get like eight wins out of him.

Cash a big paycheck somewhere else.

Chad Kelly, swag Kelly.

Chad Kelly comes in, sucks it up next year.

Or takes him to the Super Bowl.

One or the other.

There's no middle ground with swag. And then after that, trevor lawrence yeah so boom true bada boom bada bing cults are back and then we had oj hop in which is just the weirdest part of it's the weirdest part of twitter at this point is that oj simpson like and in the best part about oj simpson is he thinks that all these fantasy football jokes are funny.
Someone told him that fantasy football exists. I don't think he realized it until a month ago.
And he's just, everything's framed in fantasy football. He was mad because he had just drafted Andrew Luck.
Allegedly. Which is also, there's a lot of alleging.
Yeah, a lot of, make sure to use the A word around anything OJ does. Yeah he's pissed off that he drafted andrew luck in fancy football like five minutes before he retired allegedly that that would have to mean that andrew luck would be the only person to ever be on oj's can't cut list yes yes pretty much yeah he's just like fuck this is the one guy that i can't go after yeah yes god damn it uh and man he did it in a t-shirt and we're watching it right now it's so just a weird story.
I don't know. It's a weird story.
I feel like Andrew Luck, good for him, but man, it's weird. Well, we also talked about last week our idea for a law firm.
Yes. I think we should bring that back up.
Hey, Andrew, why don't you use some of that $25 million in loose change that you got from Jim Irsay to just refund some of your fantasy owners? By the way, this is just more point towards don't do your fantasy draft until the second before the season kicks off. Because this will always happen.
I don't understand the people who do fantasy drafts in early August. You're just asking for it.
Agreed. Yeah.
All right. Go check out BarstoolGold.com slash PMT.
Andrew Whitworth. We talked to him in person in the van.
New sign. New sign in front of us right now.
Only BarstoolGold people have it. BarstoolGold.com.
What could be on the sign? It's crazy. Anything else that we want to talk about, Andrew Luck? I think that's it.
I mean, it totally hijacked week zero. That was kind of fucked up, Schefter.
It did. Although the Miami-Florida game was really bad.
It was pretty bad. Really, really bad.
It was a matter of who had the ball last was going to lose. And it was great, too, because it was so bad, but then it broke all the records for people watching it, which people were like, man, we shouldn't do week zero.
These teams aren't ready. No, no, no.
We should do week zero because everyone wants football. Yeah.
No, week zero, just the branding of it is fucking sweet. The University of Florida is awesome in August.
There's no doubt about that. Yeah.
It's just when you get into like September. And then late October they start playing well again.
Bringing the U back. Michael Irvin.
Oh. Dude.
How about the touchdown knuckles? Not only the turnover chain came back. The touchdown knuckles.
And having that old super old lady being the turnover chain like holder. Yes.
Yeah. And I don't know if you saw bubbles on miami yeah there are two bubbles in miami same number michael irvin versus tim tebow in like a trash talk fest was the most lopsided thing i've ever watched yeah unreal tim tebow was just like look at gator nation michael irvin was like fuck you tim tebow suck my dick i've snorted a bigger cocaine line than your whole body you bitch he's like gator nation everywhere in Florida.
I'll show you a g dick, Tim. I've snorted a bigger cocaine line than your whole body, you bitch.
He's like, Gator Nation everywhere in Florida. I'll show you a gator, Tim.
All right, so let's do Who's Back, and then we'll do our Mount Rushmore. Hank, why don't you start with Who's Back? My Who's Back, I have a few.
The first one is Breaking Bad. Oh, yeah.
We reported this a few times on the show. They got cucked by Andrew Locke.
I reported them as back, and then I said it was not back because he was starting a tequila company. Thought it was fake news.
Turns out they were just filming the whole time. They released the trailer.
It's coming out in the fall, Breaking Bad movie, following the season finale. I'm very excited about that.
Very excited. Best show in the history of television.
It's going to be awesome. My other who's back is college football names.
Yeah. Okay.
College football names. Best part of it being back, just the random names that some of these teams have.

There's Manley Williams on Arizona.

No, Hawaii.

He won the game for Hawaii.

Dude, don't go to the island and expect to leave with a win.

Al Blades Jr. on Miami.

And then they had the two Bubbas.

Oh, that's Benny Blades' son.

Oh, really?

Wait, no.

That would be Al Blades' son if he's a junior.

Oh, yeah. Benny Blades' nephew.
Benny Blades' nephew. Yeah, really? Wait, no.
That would be Al Blades' son if he's a junior. Oh, yeah.

Benny Blades' nephew. Benny Blades' nephew.

Yeah, yeah.

This is a great name.

Our niece.

Yeah, the Blades.

And then the two Bubbas that had the same number.

Bubba Baxter and Bubba Bolden.

Oh, yeah.

What number is it?

Because they just run out of numbers.

21.

All right, Bubba, you have to wear 21 on every jersey that you get.

That's officially the Bubba number.

You got it?

All right.

You wrote that down?

I didn't see a pen in your hand. Here you go.
Okay. You want a pen? All right, here.
You want a piece of paper, too? There you go. Just write down 21.
We'll wait to go with the rest of the show until you write that down. Bubba's writing it down.
Uniform number 21. 21.
All right, that's it. Got it? Okay, all right.
That's it, good. My Who's Back of the Week is Peaky Blinders.
Yes.aky fucking Blonders. I've got to watch the show.
Yeah, you got to, by the way, a little life hack to just improve your experience. This is not a life hack.
This is everyone's hack. Yeah, just put on closed captioning.
Just throw on closed captioning. It'll be a lot better.
And then the rest of your life, you'll just do it for everything. For every show.
Now I use it for Mindhunter. Yeah.
So, like, now I don't understand the English language anymore because I've conditioned around to just read it.

No, it's not. But Peaky Blinders is back.

And JJ Watt was asking if anybody

has an illegal stream.

So JJ, if you can't afford

Netflix, then maybe

we have some issues with your money management.

That's JJ, so relatable.

Where'd that $55,000 check or $69,000

check that we gave you?

Interesting. Not to your Netflix account.

Good question. My other Who's back of the week is Burning Man.
So Burning Man is happening this week. I don't know what Burning Man is, but it's like Coachella, except more naked.
I think Burning Man is not cool anymore, though. Burning Man was before Coachella.
But they're making it cool. They're making it cool again because I read that they have.
No, it went corporate. They went pulling it back.
Now it's like, okay, you're camping out in tents and we're just going to have orgies the entire week. There are 40 orgies that are scheduled this week.
See, once you schedule an orgy, don't show up to a scheduled orgy. You got like a calendar notification popping up.
Well, if you show up to a scheduled orgy, it's going to be six dudes and one girl. Because every dude...
It's like going to Fyre Fest and be like, there's there's going to be so many models there it's going to be so awesome and then it's just a bunch of finance bros from new york who are a little overweight there i'm i'm just saying there are 40 orgies that are scheduled this week yeah don't show a little life hack don't show up to a scheduled orgy orgies just happen they have to happen in or that's too many orgies even if they just happen yes you can't 40 or schedule sex like that yeah well it's all the love out of it um and then well no hank took my other who's back of the week which was which was breaking bad oh nice um all right my who's back is uh dave chappelle because it was his birthday and new new special yeah no no no and and desmond howard uh said, does Desmond Howard have to choke a bitch on game day? Yeah, which was awesome. Which is the Wayne Brady joke.
Michigan, man. Yeah, I didn't know we were bringing back those jokes.
If you were in college or right out of college when Chappelle's show was on, you probably heard a million people yelling, what? Okay. Lee Corso has been doing the what from little John for the last four years.
I'm Rick James, bitch. And so, yeah, Desmond Howard, little tip, don't use jokes like that that, like, are 15 years old and no one understands except people who are over the age of 30.
When you just say, does Desmond Howard have to choke a bitch? I knew what he was saying. But I feel like there were a lot of people who had no idea what he was saying, and he thought he nailed it.
Right. trey wingo was like let's leave this to the pros that know how to get away with saying stuff without saying stuff yes yes so escalated quickly desmond yeah and and game day's back which is great game day is so awesome so dudes well yeah i mean lee's going through some tough times but it's he's got a job was that what you just called being old No, he had a stroke.
I know, but he's now like it's – I love Lee Corso, but it's at the point now where we should figure out a role that doesn't expose him. I think it's kind of sweet, though, getting to see Kirk Herbstreit.
It's the only time that I like Kirk Herbstreit is when he's being Lee Corso's guide and is almost like – I don't want to say seeing eye dog, but he's like helping him with – He's a legend. he's helping him with his sentences and like finishing his thoughts for him and that's the only time that i will ever like kirk herb street is when he's lending a hand like that but i'll say this like waking up on saturday morning to game day was such a great feeling yeah i saw your tweet and it made me so fucking mad because because i don't sleep in anymore and you're and you're sleeping until 10 o'clock yeah as a 34 year'm like, what the fuck? I said that's like my body's version of a dog sensing an earthquake is just waking up at 9.59 on a Saturday and turning it on.
And then a bunch of people replied to me. They're like, hey, congrats on being a 34 year old waking up at 10 o'clock.
Yes. Yeah.
That's yeah. I saw it and I was just like, fuck, I've been up for a long time.
But isn't it? Yeah. It's such a good feeling just waking up.
Yeah. And the nice thing is you're refreshed.
Yeah, real refreshed. I usually sleep through it.
That's my picture. You always sleep through it, right? Yeah, I used to do that, Hank.
I used to wake up to the Tom Rinaldi music. I'm just worried about getting my bets in before the game starts.
He used to be 26. Now he wakes up right before it.
Yeah, because I don't have a kid. Yeah, 34.
Waking up at 9.59. That's nice.
It is very nice. All right.
We have breaking news, by the way. Breaking news.
Peter King dropped his ado haiku. Oh, I saw that.
Yeah. He wrote, just my opinion.
Football was tormenting luck. He had to get out.
Good one, Peter King. Your poetry is shitty Fuck off Blow me dude That breaking moose Was brought to you by chocolate milk Keep counting For real recovery that tastes real good God damn it I you know I'll be honest with you the Andrew Luck retirement wasn't real until we got the Peter King adieu.
The adieu. That has concluded every column Peter's written for the last like 25, 30 years.
He'd been thinking about that all day. Yeah.
He's just like, got to nail this haiku. Everyone's been waiting.
I'm surprised he didn't make a reference to the Civil War Andrew Luck guy. That was the pinnacle of comedy to Peter King.
Jesus Christ. He a beard all right let's do our Mount Rushmore before we do that Bud Light guys Bud Light football season we're back AWL's when it's football season the crisp fall air returns there's no better time to enjoy a crisp Bud Light you know it we know it look Bud Light could spend a whole 60 second ad read talking about its crisp taste.

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That's sick.

All right.

Mount Rushmore of guests we want on this show.

This is going to be a good one.

This is great.

So what order?

I go first.

And then who's second?

Hank.

And then Hank's second.

You ready for this, Hank?

You prepared?

Let's do it.

Okay.

My first pick. Look at his face.
I got to go Tom Brady. Tom is one of those guys that, like, everything about him all time has been just, like, this guy wins.
He knows some secret sauce. I'm sure he'd be a very electric, like, really enticing personality to kind of get to know a little bit better.
Because as us Patriots fans know about him, he's a winner, okay? He wins, and he's got some secret sauce, and I think he'd be just a great guest. Probably the GOAT guest.
Did you know that was coming? No. I mean, I kind of.
Did you have him on your list? Yeah. Are you sure? Let me see your list.
He's at the top. I'm not going to show you the rest of it.
Okay. Okay, Tom Brady is my number one pick, though.
Good pick, PFD. Don't you think it'd be good? It would be good.
Me and Big Cat have been talking about getting Tom Brady on for a while. It would be great.
All right, Hank, go. He's trying to think of a good red skin, but there aren't any.
Yeah, exactly. I guess I'll just go with Eddie Grant.
Ryan Kerrigan's good, man. Oh, Eddie Grant? Ooh, good one.
Electric Avenue. We tried to hunt him down for Barstool Van Talk, and it was like, yeah, he doesn't have a cell phone or an email or anything.
Yep. I follow him on Facebook.
I still get his updates sometimes, but I just think it'd be hilarious to have on the show. Okay.
Eddie Grant would be a good guest, yeah. All right.
Just have him say, oi. I'll go with...
Well, I mean, I think think this guy is going to come on But I'll go with Kevin Durant as my first pick I think he is going to come on But I really really want him to come on But not in a creepy We're trying to get him on way No we're trying to get him off Actually forget it dude I'm going to get you off. And then my second pick is going to be Cardi B.
That would be awesome. Oh, fuck.
That would be awesome. As everyone knows, I'm a big Cardi B guy.
So Big Cat knew I was going to take Tom Brady, so he absolutely planned to take. You were going to take Cardi B? Yeah, she's on my list.
Oh, okay. Well, I took Cardi B.
Good. I hope she drugs you.
I hope so, too. Richard Pitino.
Oh, good pick. Good pick, Hank.
Second pick. Is that your last 50? Yeah.
That was your second one? That would be a quick one. Here's my 13-second one.
Nice. Okay.
Okay. My next one, I can't believe you made it this far.
Boomer. Chris Berman.
Yeah. I think he'll be on the show eventually.
Okay. I don't know.
I don't know about that. If you build it, they will come.

It's one of those situations for Boomer.

Yeah.

It's a race for who?

I take that back.

That's it.

What?

That's it.

Go ahead.

No.

Go ahead, Hank.

I mean, I don't know.

Between the fantasy football podcast?

No, between him being alive and coming on the show.

Oh, damn, Hank.

No.

That was fucked up. Come on, Hank.
Shit. I said I didn't want to say it.
Dude, we got Tommy Lasorda. He's still alive.
Yeah. That's messed up, Hank.
All right. So my next one, I'm going to...
But if it hasn't happened this point in life. Yeah.
I see what you're saying. I think we just put out like a nice buffet for him.
Just like always have a nice spread ready for him. Mm-hmm.
And just he'll make his way here eventually by happenstance. Yes.
He'll be like Pepe Le Pew floating on the nose of the cured meats. So next one, I'm going to go with Roger Goodell.
I think Roger Goodell. I don't even know if I'd want him.
I would absolutely take Roger Goodell. He'd be such a fucking wet blanket.
He wouldn't answer any questions. And you wouldn't be able to ask him the tough questions.
the top right why not because he would do the fucking my the mike and mike thing like all right here are the questions beforehand your idol hey roger ever think about going to an 18 uh week schedule uh hey roger what do you think about letting the guy smoke a little reefer and then he would just be like well we're thinking about this and we're thinking about that. And then it would be the end of the interview.

Yeah, but it would be great because we could fuck with him.

We could pour water on him and see if he's a robot.

Dude, he would bring all his security.

Those Mike and Mike interviews with Roger Goodell were so bad every year.

He does it with someone every year.

I think we would just have to corner him and not physically bully him into a corner.

Yeah.

And make him answer our questions until either his goons kicked our asses or we got what we wanted out of him and let him go. I think, I think no matter what, if Roger Dell came on the show, it would be appointment listening.
I don't know. I think I, I just know watching him do those interviews when he does that one.
Hey, Roger Goodell, we got, we got 10 minutes with the commissioner every, every year. Whoever has a Super Bowl gets Bowl gets it.
And it's always so terrible. Yeah.
All right, Hank, your second, third pick. There's a lot.
Yeah, there are a lot. It's a tough thing to boil down.
And a little, we're not to tell everyone what to do, but we're trying to get these people, so then go tell them to come on. Greeny.
Oh, good one. Good pick.
And Roger Goodell. He could do the Roger Goodell interview.
We could, we could yeah use him as a surrogate i'll just sit there with my hand up greenie's ass like a puppet moving his mouth and then get him to ask you know the tough questions yeah mate okay greenie greenie would be a good one he is in in the neighborhood he lives not too far from our office so i've never seen him seen him twice at the starbucks our old office never met him him it was right by there he might not even he said he said he said the parody songs remind him of mike and mike yeah i love it it's like cool i'm gonna go fucking walk in front of a bus all right all right i'm not gonna help i don't care uh okay my next pick i'll go with i'll go with two quarterbacks for my last two picks Aaron Rodgers being one Because we are the biggest Packers fans And Big Ben would be I don't know what would happen if we interviewed Big Ben But holy shit that would be If we walked in with walking boots Big Ben Those would be very different because Aaron Rodgers is smart enough where I think he would be able to hang, and Big Ben, I think we would just make fun of him for 20 minutes with a thing going over his head, and he'd just be like, what's going on? But he would also be able to hang because he wouldn't get it. Right, right, right.
He'd walk out and be like, remember the time he took the concussion test? And he's like, I nailed it. And they're like, no, Big Ben, a concussion.
Yeah. He'd walk out and be like, man, those guys were awesome.
We really riffed. Yep.
And we just roasted them the whole time. Yeah, remind me of just being in the locker room, going back and forth with the guys.
I had a conversation with the Pouncey Twins a couple times. Hank, your fourth pick.
I guess I'll go, just because I think it'd be a great interview, but Joe Budden and his whole podcast gang would be a great collaboration.

And what's his name?

Our guy.

Third best rapper of all time.

Yep.

Joe Budden.

That's true.

That's true.

All right.

My last one.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

All right.

I'm going to go with Guy Fieri.

Okay.

I think that guy would be a great guy to have on the show.

He would be a guy's guy.

Football guy.

Yeah.

Football guy's guy guy. A guy's guy.
We could talk to him about the Raiders. We could talk to him about Donkey Sauce.
Yep. Talk to him about the time I snuck into his party and broke his toilet.
Yep. Just anything.
All the things. Sky's the limit with Guy Fieri.
Yeah. All right.
What got left off the list? I had... Skippy Stephen A.
Yeah, Stephen A. Andrew Luck.
Larry David. Trump.
Who we sort of had on once. Wow, dude.
Stick to sports. Yeah.

Oh, I would like to have woke Peter King on. So since he's told everyone that he will never come back on, I'd like to have him back on as woke Peter King and just talk about the merits of serial rapist Darren Sharper going to the Hall of Fame for 30 minutes.
I like Obama for ratings. Yeah.
For ratings sports. Sports, bro.
What about Hill Dog and Trump at the same time? Oh, good. Get the gang back together.
Have a few laughs about 2016. Yeah, the 2016 magic that they shared.
Ben Affleck and Matt Damon together would be funny. That would be good.
Steve Jobs. Yep, we should have him on.
Give him a call. Tweet at Steve Jobs.
Kawhi. I would love to have Kawhi just because it would be one of those things.
Either we would be the guys who made Kawhi cool or he would be so robotic-like where we'd walk out and be like, you know what? That's it. That's who he is.
Can't break him. There's nothing else there.
That's how it would go. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. KG would be another one.
KG would be good. Yeah.
DMX. DMX would be good.
Just bark at him. You don't think so, Hank? I don't think that would go over well.
Yeah. I think DMX would be an awesome guess.
DMX performed at like a Westchester mall. No, you saw it.
Oh, no, who did you see? I saw Buster Rhymes. Buster Rhymes.
Yeah, he performed for 12 minutes and then left and took steroids. Dog the Bounty Hunter.
Yeah, he'd be great. Love to have him on.
Air Bud, just another dog. Yep.
Yep Danny Boy Kane We don't say his name

But hopefully he'll come on sometime

Jim Tomsula

Tomsula

I had him on my list too

Jerry Jones

Yep

Just throw back some

Johnny Walker Blue with him

Jerk off into a couple shoes

Play Limp Bizkit

With a set of loafers

Alright so give us

Everyone go get us

These people please

Also

Drake

I mean

Would love to just talk to Drake

As a fan of his music

And his lyrics

I would love to see you

Be like

He's just a wordsmith

To Drake's face

Thank you. people please uh also drake i mean would love to just talk to drake as a fan of his music and his lyrics i would love to see you be like just a wordsmith drake's face you don't have bangers i would be like drake no i i listen that line imagine if i never met the homies is that it fuck dude that's like that's next level stuff that's like i mean we're talking dylan taking acid that's that's dylan hopped up on like bath salts imagine prime imagine it's true though's true, though.
It's like Bob Dylan makes the Imagine Dragons. Yeah, what if we never met? Imagine.
That's what I'm saying. It's great.
But you're mocking it. No, I'm not.
I'm saying it's so good. You're mocking it.
Imagine if I never met the homies. See, that's a mock.
That was a mock. I think it's a fucking wizardly line.
That was a mock you just did. It's really good.
Brett Favre. Favre would be good.
Favre. I got nose game on not texting him.
Yeah. Who else do I have? Giada.
I had Giada on here, too, actually. You just want to look at her tits.
That's gross, dude. I don't.
I don't want to look at her tits. You want to cook with her? I want her to cook with me.
That's so misogynistic. Why? Did you just want to look at her tits? Oh, I thought you meant kitchen stuff.
No, no, no. Because that's her job.
Yeah. Chiara.
Salt Bay. Salt Bay.
Salt Bay. Fuck Salt Bay.
I fucking hate Salt Bay. Trying to think.
Who else? Anyone else? I'm still team Salt Bay, by the way. Doug Ford.
Did you just talk about Rob? Remember your brother? That's not a bad idea. I bet you, out of everyone we just listed, he probably is the most attainable.
We could probably just email him and he'd be like, yep. And Doug Ford's definitely John Gruden.
Oh, Adam Sandler. John Gruden.
Oh, Adam Sandler's a good one. Damn.
Adam Sandler would have. That's a really good one.
All right. Let's get to our interview with Amazon rainforest.
They're hot right now. Jeff Bezos.
Yeah. Just see how horny he actually is.
I'm going to regret saying that because he controls all of our brains. Also, Jack from Twitter.
Jack, he did a bunch of podcasts. I know.
Not ours. Yeah.
Fuck that. Cubes.
Didn't Jack do Bitcoin Marty's podcast? What the fuck? This whole world that we live in is just insane. Our Bitcoin guy who.
Definitely not anymore. No.
Because we all lost money. The Bitcoin craze that swept Barstool in 2017.
Problematic, but yes. I would like to interview him.
Maybe we could do it just via Skype. No.
No. No.
No. We actually had it.
We were offered. I don't even think that was real.
But someone. Some ad.
Who was – let's not name the name of the advertiser. It was a beer company.
Was like, hey, what if we had you guys pick up OJ from jail? And we're like, I don't know. I think we're just – Also, these were like – as the ESPN thing was like falling apart too, if I remember correctly.
It was like, oh, we're kind of – It never actually happened, So we never were actually to the point where we had to sit down and be like, hey, guys,

should we interview OJ?

But yeah, that was a weird one.

What do you got?

No, I'm just agreeing with you that no on OJ.

Firm no. Yeah.

Okay.

Let's do our interview with Andrew Whitworth.

Before we do that, there's a new dating app out there.

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60% of the people on there are women and you can sign up if you're single. If you're not single, sign up with your friends ship right now-h-i-p ship it's the new dating app okay here he is future hall of famer andrew whitworth okay we now welcome on andrew whitworth he's the largest man i've ever met um you also do way too much charity thank you okay uh because i wanted to talk about the charity to set the stage here and i've never seen someone who does so much charity you do play 60 you do i have a dream foundation you do united way home walk captain first quarter for literacy and read across america day why haven't you done anything for the dogs? Puppies.

Talking puppies.

You hate animals?

We're talking puppies.

You know what?

I mean, I feel like every year I try and add something to the repertoire.

And I think we just, you know, eventually I guess we got to add an animal.

Yeah.

It sounds like I'm kind of against the animals. Yeah.

Let's do dogs or cats next year.

Well, probably dogs.

Yeah.

We live in a society where if you are.

No, well, kind of.

You can't tie a cat in a way.

Right.

I think that cats are more scrappy.

They can find their own ways.

Dogs need homes.

Cats can just live on the streets.

But we live in a society where people would actually look at it and be like,

this guy, he does so much charity, but he doesn't do this.

But it's actually very commendable.

So thank you for everything you do.

What's your favorite?

Ooh.

Or what's the one that you spend the most time with?

Do you have an Andrew Whitworth charity? Well, I mean, for the most part, kids. So elementary schools, just go on and visit them and trying to encourage them.
I think it's fun. I always go, and it never fails that they have the best questions and can put you on the spot more than anybody.
That was actually my first media event when I got back from the Super Bowl was I went and visited a school. I would say that was harder than any media day.
They kind of laid it on me. So they have probably smarter questions overall.
They're like, hey, what the hell happened on offense? Yeah, I mean, it's literally how it went. I literally walked in the classroom.
You know, this is the life of an O-lineman, right? I call it QB life when I'm talking about Jared and Todd and these guys. You know, just the big-time, prime-time life.
So for an O walk into the classroom how y'all doing guys i can announce myself tell them what i do you know and from the rams how you doing i get three three statements three hands raised like hey raise a hand if you want to ask me something one where's todd girley he's not here two is jared coming no he's not coming it's just me guys three why'd y'all lose yeah i'm you know what? I'm glad I'm here to see you guys today. Nobody wants me to be here, and all y'all want to know is why I'm losing.
Okay, so when they asked you why'd you guys lose, did you tell them because everybody's going to die? Yeah, we're all going to die. I did.
I told them, you know what? I told them, here's the truth. You guys have good days and bad days at school.
You have days where you come in and just things don't go right. You get bad on the conduct list.
You do bad on your test. And you have days where you come in and you light it up.
And the reality is, is no matter what, the next day is the most important day. See how you handle it.
I think you were kind of a victim of what happens a lot with the media, where we take a quote and tweet it. Yeah.
And then it's one line and no context and no one watches the video. So when we see the line, Rams lose Super Bowl,

Andrew Whitworth says, well, we're all going to die someday.

I think we actually talked about it on our show and joked about it.

But it was clearly there was a deeper meaning to it.

Yeah, I actually said they had asked me some questions about Super Bowl,

and then a guy asked me, he said, hey, if you're retiring and this is it,

like your career is over, you know,

like how do you deal with having not won a Super Bowl? And my actual quote like i don't care how many super bowls or awards i've won like the the truth is like you know one day all of us are going to die and it's really about how i live my life like every single day you know am i a person that nobody wants to be around am i somebody who's self-absorbed and i don't care about people around me and people would say hey man you know what that dude's won a lot of things but god he's kind of a jerk doesn't care about the dogs yeah i don't care about the dogs apparently right you know if i died people are gonna be like this guy hated animals yeah right what was his problem basically cruel deville but that's the truth it's like it's one of those things to me it's like man i'd rather you know what handle myself the right way than worry about trophies and accolades i like to say perspective you have a very comforting voice too, too. Southern.
Yeah, it's nice. You could tell me anything.
Are you kind of sleepy? Just kind of relax? It's all like ASMR. Am I like a yoga instructor? I'm almost like making you relax.
I don't do yoga. That's for offensive line here.
Speaking of your voice, Louisiana native, went to LSU. You guys beat the Saints in the NFC Championship game, and then you went and said it was an excuse that the Saints said that.
Do you just plan on never living in New Orleans again? No, I mean, I said what I said. I think, you know, at the end of the day, you know, being a Louisiana guy, we love each other and we disagree a lot.
And you know what? All I said was that it's just an excuse to blame one moment. And that's the truth.
You know, the reality is, as I've said before, if they were winning the game at the moment or if that play would have ended the game, then that would be a valid argument. But the truth of the matter was the game was tied.
We've all seen missed field goals. We've all seen missed extra points.
We've all seen kicks not go in. So, you know what? You't say that you for sure won the game.
Okay. It's interesting.
You played when you were at LSU, you played for Nick Saban, right? What was he like as a coach? You know what? I think he's one of those people that I really attribute a lot of things that as a pro that I've learned and how I carry myself and things. He's one of those guys that at times you might not get along with just because uh he's pretty hard on you but you know what at the end of the day you value what it means to to work hard and dedicate yourself to something and have a passion and and uh to be really relentless each day about pursuing that passion because i mean his intensity level really man is second to nobody does he smile uh you know what he does smile you got to talk to him either about his pontoon boat uh or his lake uh you know and at that time a little bit golf you know he can sometimes get him in a good mood about golf um just talk to him about his boat just please guy don't bring up anything about success because if you do that it's over with that's poison that's rap poison yeah you can't talk about success you talk about winning the game.
I'll never forget him. Our ring introduction after we won our first national championship, he told us we could put him somewhere the sun didn't shine when he gave him to us.
So that's kind of my memory I'll never forget. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nick Saban. What was his office like? Does he actually have trophies set up, or is it just blank walls? No, I think he's got some memorabilia stuff.
I think, you know you know what honestly he probably doesn't know because he probably doesn't care what's on the wall those details don't matter yeah she probably sets all that up that's important and uh you know what the only details he probably matters to him is that he has a good good solid big chair because he's big sports philosophy guy so he probably has a really big chair and some little tiny chairs for you to sit in just so you kind of keep that templing mentality. And, you know, outside of that, he probably doesn't care what's in there.
So you blocked for Jamarcus Russell at LSU. Were you surprised that it didn't go the way that, you know, everyone kind of expected it to in the pros for him? Well, I think anytime you're talking about the quarterback position, it's tough.
I mean, there's a lot to learn. That sounded really professional.
It did. And you know what? You saw everybody politically correct on you, didn't I? And any time you're talking about the quarterback position, it's tough.
It's an extremely hard position to be successful at. He had a lot of unreal arm talent.
Yep. I got to see that firsthand.
I'll never forget when he was a rookie, I mean a rookie, a freshman in college, we would make him every Friday we had our walkthrough, we'd make him throw a football from the end zone line just as soon as he walked through the poles there on the game field. And that sucker would throw it 80 yards, just no warm-up, you know, just wing it.
And it was special to see him. His arm talent was unreal.
I've been listening to just stories about Jamarcus Russell's arm. Arm.
Yeah, forever. On one knee, hit the crossbar from 60 yards out.
You know, I kind of would have liked to have seen him be like a major league starting pitcher. I mean, I bet he would have thrown some gas.
Yeah, some real gas. So I want to, talking about the quarterback position, how hard it is, Jared Goff, in that Saints game, I thought was like his kind of, not coming of age, but like he had a bad start and then put it all back together.
Can you tell in the huddle, like a guy like Jared, when it's like it clicks back on, he's like, all right, he feels comfortable now. He's going to be able to get us to a win here.
And also, just so you know, we're like best friends with Jared, so don't say anything mean. Don't say anything mean.
Not that you would. No.
Yeah. No, you know what, Jared? It's honestly one of those things that always impresses you about him is really his poise and calm.
I mean, he's a guy that even when games don't go that great for him, you kind of see him as a guy that like trusts that it's going to come. He can make that one throw.
He doesn't really ever get shelled up to where you see some guys kind of get nervous and they get kind of apprehensive with the ball. You kind of can see that even in his bad games or a game where things just don't go his way at first, he has almost that shooter's mentality of like, hey, I'm going to catch one here in a minute and I'm going to make the perfect shot or the perfect throw and I'm going to get right back on track.
Except when it's cold. That's how he handled that game.
Except when it's cold. Big Cat thinks he can't play in the cold.
I mean, I saw his face. I asked him this.
We were with him on Sunday. I asked him to his face.
I was like, dude, you were basically crying in Chicago. Like, he was.
He was cold. He's a Cali kid.
Well, he is a Cali kid, but I don't know if he was cold and crying, but maybe. It wasn't like a cry cry.
It was like when it gets really cold, you get a little teary-eyed just because it's cold. It was that.
Yeah. So what do you think we ought to do? Like get him like a flame, like a heat suit? Well, I think after that one, he'll get used to it.
But the first couple really cold ones for Cali guys. Blake is also a good friend of ours.

He didn't see snow until like two years ago.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You got a heat suit.

Yeah, the heat suit.

If we could patent like a quarterback heat suit.

Yeah, like when Tom Brady wears the wetsuit underneath.

Yeah.

Or just tell him to do it like an offensive lineman does and just not wear any sleeves at all.

Yeah, man, just tell it out.

You look warmer if you're not wearing sleeves.

Not quite as important if our arms are numb. Oh, yeah.
You do? I wear sleeves. Man card.
Man card. Damn.
No. You're not as tough as you look.
Hold on. Here's how I define it.
I'll wear sleeves the entire – if I ever wear sleeves, I'll wear sleeves the entire season. Oh, that's such a sneaky move by you.
In the cold, like I'll wear it through camp. Oh, damn.
Like, you know, that's a dirt dog move. What are you doing this year? Are you a sleeve guy this year? A sleeve guy this year.
This year. God damn it.
Yeah. Wow.
Now we can't pick you up for that. I got to be, you know, I got to be careful.
Just, you know, the rays out here. Too much golf.
I got to keep, you know, sun protection. Yeah, yeah.
I read somewhere that you try to change one thing every offseason. Like, you try a different way to push yourself, to try to break yourself a little bit um what's this off season you know this off season it's been uh honestly pushing myself and a little bit of mobility and and uh you know really i've kind of been a guy who i like to do things where it's like hey i'm gonna go see if i can backpack with some heavy backpacks up a mountain or i want to go you know sled pushing or i want to just find uh know, try crossfitting or I want to try MMA or whatever it is.
And this off season is like, you know what, at this point in my career, like I need to be taking care of myself. So one of the big challenges for myself this off season is, uh, it's been like mobility, taking care of my body, trying to find ways to make sure I keep my flexibility and keep, uh, moving and everything properly.
And, and, uh, it's been fun, man. Like yoga, uh, some yoga stuff, but honestly just in my training.
Right. You know what? Making sure technique-wise, everything that I do, I'm moving in good ways, good postures, all that type stuff, and a lot of flexibility in the hips and ankles and just keeping those things good to go, man, in case I want to play to 40.
We were just hanging out with Jay Glazer earlier. He said he could kick your ass.
Do you have a comment? a comment um well i mean you know what he is the right height to be able to kick my actual ass you know what i'm saying like he's working yeah yeah you know but he could probably kiss it now you know as far as actually like beating me up i'm not sure he could reach my head so true it would be hard to uh you know always tell him though me and him are you know we're coming twins part two. Yeah.
And it's going to be special. So you just said something there.
You want to maybe play until 40? Well. I mean, offensive linemen, it's incredible that you are playing at the age you are right now.
You're thinking 40? Well, I mean, I just don't ever think in endings. So it's kind of like, hey, you know what, if I'm enjoying this game and I like the game, I'm going to keep playing the game.
And if I feel good and I can play at a high level uh you know what we're gonna keep riding so do you think it will be like you know one one season will end and it will be like all right you know what I just don't feel like playing anymore yeah I think for me it'll be the commitment to how my body feels and whether I feel like I can keep you know honestly the off season is just uh it's big for me I mean just uh my age being able to get back to the strength and flexibility I need to play well well. And so, yeah, I think one year I'll end the season and go, you know what, there's no way I'm putting myself through all that again.
It's too much pain, too much stuff to go through. And this is it.
But you feel good right now. I feel great.
If you had won the Super Bowl, would that have calculated into your equation of whether or not to come back? No, I mean, I told my wife this because my wife was, you know, kind of honestly going into the week she kind of thought maybe i might would retire and i told her this during the week i said you know honestly this all this retirement stuff like i didn't bring any of this up this has been more media brought up and it's like i feel like people are like pressuring me hey if we win the game or lose the game like you need to retire well we need a storyline yeah so it was like it was one of those things where i just was like, I don't feel that way. So win or lose,

I just don't feel like I'm going to retire. I mean, that was your

first Super Bowl. That was our 34th

Super Bowl as fans slash media

members. So you've got to understand, we just need a narrative.

We just need to, like,

the whole narrative, I saw the video

they did, which was actually really awesome with your

kids, but that was a narrative.

Andrew Whitworth has kids.

That's a narrative.

He doesn't like dogs. he's afraid of dogs you did say so one more Super Bowl question I know it probably is annoying it's great it's like let's keep bringing it up well you did say it was the worst game you guys played I've ever seen your hairline too you want to too.
Anyways, go ahead. You want to take the hat off? No, if we just want to keep, you know.
No, I got it shaved today. Oh, no, you're fine.
You're fine. But I'm just saying, if you want to keep bringing it up, Tom.
All right, you know what? Let's not do any more Super Bowl talk. No, go ahead.
You need to. So, Blake is a good friend of ours.
He's going really bald. Just get him to go ahead and just take the lead.
Blake, it's down, buddy. Maybe he's him by shaving his head and be like, damn, dude, you look really good.
Yeah, just kind of talk him into, Hey, man, let's go get on the end of the diving board. Yeah.
Have you talked to him yet? I haven't talked to him about it. I will, though.
Okay. Does he have bad breath? I don't think so.
You should actually say that. So we'll cut this part and say Blake Bortles has bad breath because Leonard Fournette said it, and he's been running from it every single day.
He carries around. Yeah, so how's Blake's breath? I'll approach him about it.
Don't worry. How is his breath?

Blake's breath? You know what?

I'm not sure. It's pretty bad.
Is it bad?

Is it bad? Really bad. Is it bad?

You're saying that like, is it ever bad?

I've heard a rumor. No, it's pretty

bad. I have a serious

football question for you. And you can

feel free to tell me if it's dumb or not. But is there

a difference between blocking for

C.J. Anderson and Todd Gurley?

No, not at all.

I don't know. a ball question for you and you can feel free to tell me if it's dumb or not but is there a difference between blocking for cj anderson and todd girley uh no not at all that's uh yeah for plays and and how it works uh you block and do your job and those guys see what they see and and uh you know what they they run with the styles they run with cj's he's thick he's a big boy wearing that blue you know what he's he's uh he eats with the O-line every now and then, you know, that kind of guy.
So he's a good dude. So you were in Cincinnati for the majority of your career before you came out here to L.A.
What was, like, you know, you blocked for Carson Palmer. You blocked for Andy Dalton.
What was your highlight that you were like, this is the moment that I remember as a Bengal? You know, honestly, I think it's uh really just a culmination of really when we started when I got there in 06 and and to building that franchise into you know going and having a chance to win some division championships and having some success I mean uh in 09 winning a division championship and sweeping the division with Carson and those guys was it was an amazing accomplishment but then also starting Andy and A.J. as rookies and going and winning a division in their third season to me was unreal when we had Jay Gruden, Mike Zimmer, and all those guys.
I mean, it was a special group that year too. So there were some great memories.
We obviously never won a playoff game and got a chance to make that next step. But really some great years where we had just some unbelievable seasons.
Did Marvin Lewis ever just like sit down and like when you guys are in mid conversation just laugh and be like i'm never getting fired dude this is awesome no no he didn't but you know what uh you know what you know people want a winner and and uh we won a lot of games there we just didn't find a way to win win the playoff games and that's uh that's the tough part with those things it, you know, in the NFL, it's never easy to walk out of a regular season game with a victory. And we won a lot of them.
We just didn't find a way to win when they, you know, it was do or die. Right.
Do you still hate the Steelers now that you're not part of that rivalry anymore? No, not really. I never did then.
I mean, you know what? It's just one of those things that you compete against somebody. And I look at it like training camp, right? Like right like your defense like you love those guys but in training camp you are so tired of them putting their hands on you and you having to put your hands on them that uh things get testy time to time and so i think with the steelers it was two really good teams and and uh it was always a lot on the line when we played each other so i think it was one of those things where we just at times got frustrated with each other and then other other guys kind of had their own little internal battles with one another.
It is what it is. Did you ever allow yourself to be a little bit intimidated by James Harrison when you saw his workout videos? You know what? It's easy to get intimidated by James Harrison.
His workout videos are special. You know what? Real special.
But, you know, an ordinary special. And you know what? He's uh but uh you know an ordinary special and uh you know what he's the beast there's no doubt about that and uh you know having to be the guy that ran against him every day for about eight or nine years uh my head still feels it and so is the rest of my body because he had a little bit of leverage on me so it's kind of like me running into a fire hydrant just over and over again that doesn't that doesn't sound funny.
And it's, you know what? The dude's got a hard head, too. Yes, yes, he does.
What last Cincy question, Skyline Chili, yes or no? Negative. Yes, there we go, Andrew Whitworth.
That's going to hurt the people of Cincinnati, but we are. I love them.
I mean, they're great people. Terrible taste in chili.
It's just if you grew up eating it, you like it. Right.
They just don't want to admit it, but that's the truth. It's the Stockholm syndrome.

You grew up eating it, so you think it's good, but it is not good.

It is not good.

It's warmed up baby food.

Yes, especially a guy from Louisiana who has real good food.

But wait, then you put spaghetti underneath and it all makes sense.

What if you fried it?

Then you'd probably be into it.

Maybe.

I actually think that blended Skyline chili would taste better than eating it just straight up like you're supposed to yeah it's like turn into a smoothie it's yeah it's yeah it's gross it is very gross um all right so so what size are your shoes oh 17 jesus how many beers can you fit in there uh you tried no i hadn't tried all right you know they say about big big feet yeah big shoes yeah yeah that's about it that's right exactly um are you gonna be in the hall of fame no i don't think so why i don't know okay well you should try a little harder i'm not popular enough well how many pro balls you've been to uh i don't know four five something like that okay you gotta get the media just play till 45 you know what you here's what you need to, like, call Peter King. Yeah.
Okay. And give him your take on what happened that day.
Send him some beer. Yeah, send him some beer and get in his column.
And do be, like, the Instagram post where I, like, keep talking about how good I am. Yes.
Like, constantly. Yes.
Oh, yeah. I dominated this week.
Yeah. I love those guys.
Yeah. The workout video guys.
They're the best. Oh, you know, no matter whether a team lost by 40 or not, like, I had a great day.
Yes. Actually, you know what you need to do.
It works. I'm assuming that during training camp, you have to eat a lot to maintain your weight, right? Because you're working out so hard, or am I wrong on that? I mean, yeah, you got to.
Okay, so you need to take pictures of the amount of food that you eat. Narrative.
Just keep, like, sacrifice. Or the Brett Favre effect.
I keep talking about, like, everything that hurts. Yes, yes.
I overcame this. Maybe just keep lying about your age.
Like I'm 40 now and it's really hard out there. Yeah.
And just be like, damn, he's 40. If you just say right now, I want to play until I'm 40.
That's a narrative. That's a narrative.
I want to play until I'm 40. Okay, got it.
Andrew Whitworth said it.. We're going to get your ass in the whole thing.
Do you have any questions for us as media members? Well, I mean, you said you have a relationship with Jared Goff. What's your favorite thing about Jared Goff? He's just chill.
What's your favorite thing about Sean McVay? His memory. Yeah, I would say his voice.
I thought you were going to go beard. No, his beard sucks.
No, that's my least favorite thing. No, he actually gets really self-conscious when I make fun of his beard.
He's asked us not to. Yeah.
I swear to God. He was like, why do you guys always condom my beard? So this is what y'all should do then.
Yeah. When you interview, you should say, you know what? We're actually not going to talk about your beard because wits is better.
Yes. Okay.
Your beard is very nice. But see, then he would like, wait a minute.
I want y'all to talk about my beard. Yeah, right, right.
That's good. That's good.
I like that. That's how you get it.
I like that. You say somebody else is better, so we're not going to talk about that.
Yeah, maybe not yours because yours isn't that good. But the first thing you said to me was, isn't my beard looking nice? It's looking better, right? And I was like, no, it's not really, Sean.
No, your beard does look nice, a little salt and pepper. Yeah, yours looks good.
Yeah, this is kind of the George Clooney effect. Yeah.
So like I'm trying to, you know, it's like I don't have anything that looks like George Clooney, so I might as well have my beard. Yeah.
Yeah, no, the beard, it's a strong touch. So it's just try to go with the gray fox look.
Yes, exactly. All right, my last question, SeatGeek question, put in promo code TAKE.
You get $10 off your SeatGeek purchase. You like how I did that? That was nice.
$10 off your SeatGeek purchase. You can go to a Rams game this year.
Hopefully they'll go. Well, no, I'm a Bears fan.
I don't want you to go back to the bowl but i wish you luck thanks okay uh you deleted twitter two days after super bowl yeah why you know what uh it's really one of those things is culmination throughout the year i just kept being like man i read this junk too much and um i had an instance with my son michael who's uh got a little swag to him and he's he's not afraid to kind of call that out michael is what he is what they call him. He is, and Sean would tell you about him.
He's one of those things that he kind of called me out one day, and he was just like, Dad, could you please get off of Twitter today and throw the football to me? And I was like, the fact that he knows it's Twitter, and he's calling me out for throwing the football with him, I was like, you know what, I'm out. So I was like, you know what, for the rest of the offseason, I'm out.
And then I got off, and I loved and i loved it yeah and i was like you know what this is awesome i'm not actually worried about what every single person on the planet has to say right and so now i'm just an instagram guy okay turns out you don't need twitter yeah we need it for our job but yeah can't quit but if swaggy michael told me to get off twitter i might yeah yeah i would definitely Yes. Is it weird being older than Sean McVay? Good question.

Weird. it or I might.
I would definitely consider it. Is it weird being older than Sean McVay? Good question.
No, I mean, I don't really even think about it, to be honest. Never a problem like if he's telling you to do something different and you're like, hey, I've been around longer.
I know better. Well, you know what? You usually don't want to get into arguments with him over stuff that you know or don't know because he's got an insane memory.
Yep. And his knowledge is pretty high.
But most of the time that really wouldn't come into play because more, you know, being an O-lineman, you're usually looking at people when they tell you to do something like, have you ever put your hands on somebody else and tried to move them when they're 330 pounds? Right, right. I appreciate your sentiment, but do you know how hard that is?

Uh-huh.

So it's kind of one of those things, no matter what your age is,

I'm probably looking at you like, yeah, okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

By the way, here's a tip, one tip for the road.

When you do play past 40, 40 on, do the whole, I might retire,

I might not retire, and be able to skip training camp.

I like it.

Yeah.

I'm going to say that I'm actually off supporting dogs during training camp.

Yes, yes. And then I'm going to miss training camp.
And then you get to play. You do the fun part.
Because training camp sucks. Although it's gotten soft.
You guys have gotten soft. Millennials have killed the NFL.
Would it be super cool if I ran out the tunnel with a dog? Yes, absolutely. On a leash, yeah.
That would be kind of cool. We're the man of many charities except dogs.
Put them on the sideline and take a picture, put it on social media and that dog goes up for adoption every Sunday. Yeah.
You got 16 dogs that you're going to find homes for. Yeah.
It's really bad that we've come up with a cool idea that we're not going to do. Let's Swaggy Michael name each dog.
Oh, yeah. If you don't do this, then you really do hate dogs because it's such a good idea.
Now I've got a great idea and now if I don't do it, I hate dogs. Yes.
So Andrew Whitworth, thank you very much. Man of many charities who hates dogs.
That's a line we're going to write when you retire. I thought I was going to leave here feeling good.
Also, future Hall of Famer. Yeah, future Hall of Famer.
We'll get that going. We can get the power to do that.
Alright. Once we put it out there, people will start talking about Instagram post about dominating.
Plato 45. Pictures of your food.
Pictures of my food. We got it.
Yeah. All right.
I'm in. Thanks.
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Okay, let's get to some segments.

First up, we have Talking Golf.

Rory McIlroy beat Brooks, but could barely lift the trophy.

Did you see that?

His twig ass arms.

It was lame.

Yeah.

So Brooks really won.

It's actually pretty sad that Rory has to go out there after Brooks has shown us what a real man looks like when he lifts a trophy. And probably Brooks, say what you want about his play this weekend, but he was probably more used to playing naked.
He was probably feeling all sorts of encumbered by wearing clothes on the golf course for a change because he let his balls hang out all over the tour last week by being in the bodies issue. So I'd say that he's the real winner here.

What did you think about Brooks' performance today, Hank?

Oh, Hank.

I think he had it in the bag.

Whoa!

He choked a little bit.

Don't use the C word for Brooks.

Not choked, but he could have won that tournament.

He's got those jaw muscles.

Maybe he didn't want to.

Do you ever think about that?

That's possible.

Andrew Luck didn't want to keep playing football.

That's fair.

As a fan, he doesn't owe you anything, dude. Don't cast your failures onto Brooks, okay? Brooks was doing great today.
You know what it was? It's the last tournament of the year. He's probably bored as shit of golf.
So he's just like, fuck this. I just want the season to be over.
I think there's a playoffs next week. Oh, really? I thought this was the one-round playoff.
No, there's a playoffs, I think, coming up. Yeah.
This is the last regular season.

I saw an ad for it, and I was just like, what is going on?

I don't understand it anymore.

Listen, if it just means that Brooks—

I'm sure it'll motivate Brooks to play better in the playoffs

because he internally is probably saying the same thing.

He's like Randy Moss.

He plays when he wants to play.

Yeah.

Randy Moss is a Hall of Famer.

Straight cash holder.

I checked.

Yep.

Yeah.

Not a Super Bowl champion, though.

Next time I'll shake my dick at you. Well, Brooks has mad majors.
How many? Six? Too many. I think he's got four majors, right? Five? Five.
Five. Final answer, five.
Five majors and a nude spread in a magazine. Final answer, five.
He's got two U.S. Opens.
A Masters?

No.

No.

He's got three U.S. Opens.

Two Tour Championships.

Two PGA Championships.

He's only got three?

No, that's not right.

That's not right.

He's got four at least.

He's got at least five.

He won his third at the 2018 PGA Championship, so that means four?

Yeah, because he won the U.S. Open.

Dude, you just look up his Wikipedia

and it will say it. He's got four.

Five.

He's got

four. He's got four.

Damn. Hashtag let Brooks play nude.

Okay, well, he's going to get five, six,

seven, eight next year.

He's going to get eight

majors next year. Yep.

All right, we have a drunk idea. President Trump wants to blow up a hurricane.
Fuck, that's so metal. How is there not an ACDC song already written about blowing up a hurricane? Isn't this just a geostorm? Is it? I think I never saw the previews for it, but I never watched the movie.
I'm pretty sure that's the plot. I'm of the mindset that if you're going to launch a nuclear weapon at something, it's pretty badass to hit a cloud with it.
Yes, absolutely. I want to know what happens.
You know, there was actually a plan back in the 50s or 60s, like in the height of the Cold War, to nuke the moon just to show the Soviets that we could do it. That would have been so sick.
That's pretty fucking cool, right? That's like the best July 4th fireworks ever. But then they nixed it because they're like, oh, it might knock the moon into the planet and then destroy everybody.
Our tides and everything. Yeah, the moon's kind of important, it turns out.
How would you guys stop a hurricane? Move. I'd run away from the hurricane.
It couldn't catch me. Just get a bunch of windmills on the coast.
How would I stop a hurricane? Blow it back. I would play prevent defense in the second half and let them commit a lot of turnovers and penalties.
Let them just barf all over themselves. Yeah, just let the...
I'd attack them with a bear. Ooh, that's nice.
Or the swine flu. What about a ninja? Remember when ninjas were cool? Yeah.
Ninjas did have a moment, as they say. Yeah, ninjas were hot in like 2003.
Three ninjas, great movie. Uh-huh.
Great movie. Kick back, some might say even better.
Hank doesn't even know that movie. Damn.
Fuck. Getting old.
All right, Trouble in Paradise. Before we get to our Monday reading, Trouble in Paradise, Dwight Howard signed with the Lakers.
Yeesh. So he not only signed, but it was a non-guaranteed signing.
So essentially the Lakers said, we can date you and break up with you at any point. You can't move your toothbrush into the house.
You can't do any of that. No snakes.
Don't shit in here. Yeah.
You can just show up. We'll see if we get along, and then maybe we'll make it official.
Yeah, there are tears to this agreement. Like, if you make it to Christmas time, then you can bring your snakes to California, Dwight.
We'll't sign the permit for you i don't understand the signing i do in a weird way because it's perfect for lebron to be like you know the old saying the enemy of my enemy is my friend yeah so lakers fans no matter what happens no matter how shitty the team plays they're going to hate lebron or they're going to hate dwight more than they hate lebron so lebron has a real easy fall guy to point at and Dwight Howard and then be like, we got rid of the fall guy. Now it's time for us to gel as a team.
Yeah, it actually is not a bad idea to have Dwight Howard on your team so that when you need the late February shakeup because your team has gotten to a little malaise, you just cut Dwight Howard. I've also said for four or five years that Dwight Howard is the NBA's wine mom.
And this is before LeBron got really into wine. Yeah.
He puts off that vibe a little bit. But I don't think he even drinks.
I think he's a wine guy. I don't think so.
I don't think he drinks. He's a snake guy.
Snake guys don't drink. I think they do.
They just hang out with their snakes. I think they swirl their wine.
No, I would be shocked because he's a big God guy and a snake guy. That doesn't equal well that those are two polar opposites that's like a no duels guy a wine or a god and snake yeah no that is that is very i mean it's fucking snakes are he's been around for since the beginning dude he's an apple guy then since book one number one yeah what's your favorite book uh i like all of them i mean i just respect the bible let's do our monday reading uh all right what's my favorite verse uh imagine if i never met the homies well let's shout out that verse uh all right uh here's the monday reading i 21 my boyfriend, 25-year-old male, is a necrophiliac.
And I don't know. That sounds like a Taylor Swift song right off the bat.
I don't know what to do. Necrophiliac, for people who don't know, is people who like to have sex with corpse.
You know a lot about necrophiliacs. 10 people.
I have dated my boyfriend for almost five years and lived with him. Wait.
She was 16. Okay.
All right. Okay.
All right. Okay.
She's doing a quick math. So she was 16.
He was 18. He was 20.
How? Yeah. Okay.
All right. Yeah.
That's actually the opposite of necrophilia. Yeah.
This is. Yeah.
Okay. All right.
right here we go i've dated my boyfriend for almost

five years and lived with him for three we're very close and i'm hoping oh well that good shout out him for waiting till she turned 18 to move in uh we're very close and i'm hoping he'll pop the question soon most of our life together is great but our sex life is just weird okay he's always wanted me to

stay still during sex

he says that someone moving

around is Weird. Okay.
He's always wanted me to stay still during sex.

He says that someone moving around is distracting.

He's the only person I've slept with, so I didn't think it was a big deal.

Just a little weird.

That's kind of strange.

Sometimes he asked me to hold my breath, but I thought that could be a choking fetish.

Recently, he wants to have sex when I come in from the cold. We're up north in Canada, so we have ample opportunity.
He won't have sex if I'm hot or sweaty, which is understandable. No, that's not understandable at all.
All right. Here's one thing I hate about sex.
It's how everything's like hot and moist and Yeah. And like slippery.
That's just no old guys. Guys hate that.
Here's where stuff gets weird. We were watching Mindhunter, a show about the FBI tracking serial killers, and I realized he had an erection.
Maybe he's just into like the psychology. Maybe he just is into the Atlanta child murders.
Yeah. Well, no, maybe he's just into politics and.
He's into the Atlanta child murders?

Yeah.

Well, no.

Maybe he's just into politics and how they navigated allocating resources to solving murders.

I've watched all of season two.

There's no scene where boners are allowed.

Are appropriate?

Are appropriate.

I'm going through in my head right now. Season one, one of the main FBI guys had the girlfriend arc.

That could have been a boner situation.

I don't think so. Season one, one of the main FBI guys had the girlfriend arc.
That could have been a boner situation. What if they solved the case, though? You're allowed to get an erection if you solve a case.
The doctor does get a girlfriend. Wendy gets a girlfriend.
Spoiler alert. Maybe boner? Yeah.
Maybe. Yeah.
The girlfriend gives a little smile. I'd have to go back through it, but I'm saying at most there are three minutes total in a nine-episode run where a boner could be.
So like you could talk your way out of having a random erection. So we're not going to say that this is like definitive just yet just because he had a boner.
Right. Could have been that one scene.
Okay days ago i found searches of dead bodies on his computer well that yeah that started with that kind of solves you started with that one the the mind hunter and all the other stuff okay he was intentionally looking for this shit it was really graphic and gross ask him who his favorite nfl coach of all time is if he says jim caldwell get the fuck out of the, just leave that zip code. Don't pack your shit.
It's like weird that she said all the other stuff and then she's like, oh yeah. And by the way, there was dead people on his computer.
All the weird behavior clicked for me. I haven't said anything to him.
I'm scared for my own safety. Yup.
Honestly, because I don't know if he'll try to kill me. Ooh, this got dark.
I have no idea how to confront him or bring up the idea of couples counseling. Any and all advice would be great.
Well, good news is she went to Reddit for this advice. I'm sure there will be a bunch of people who will guide her in the right direction.
I've never been more certain of anything in my life than the fact that this guy also has a Reddit account. Yeah.
And he's probably already read it. Well, yeah on i'm sure there's a is there a necrophiliac or uh the barstool sports sub yeah food necrophiliac yeah anonymous there's got to be a reddit for there's a reddit for everything right i i don't really spend that much time i'm more of an hn guy yo nice upgrade yourself yeah just mix it up a little bit i mean i just assume we've been i been, I keep getting tweeted these Monday readings and they seem to all be from Reddit and it's just like, okay.

Yeah.

It sounds like a pretty open and shut case to me.

Yeah.

Just, here's what you do.

Just pretend to die one day and see what his first move is.

You ever do that?

I do that.

I have to confess.

I've done that with my dog once or twice.

That's fucked up, man.

Where you just like pretend to be passed out to see what they would do. And then, you know, he comes up and he like noses me and I'm like, oh, Leroy, I've done that with my dog once or twice.
That's fucked up, man. Where you just pretend to be passed out to see what they would do.

And then he comes up and he noses me.

And I'm like, oh, Leroy, I love you.

So what you do is you pretend to be dead on the floor.

Maybe spill a little bit of Kool-Aid or something like that around your neck.

See what his first move is.

Is it to call the cops or is it to take his pants off?

And then you have your answer.

Yeah.

Okay.

Do that and let us know.

Well, we actually won't know. Unless you do another one and it happens to be a monday reading in the future we won't be following up on this is now is there a alternate version of necrophilia where you get off on having people think that you're dead or the opposite of like you need people who are super alive like maybe talk too much yeah.
Yeah. That's who you want to, you know, like someone who's just completely vivacious.
The person you know that's just always a bundle of energy. That's the opposite of necrophilia.
Yeah, I guess so. I'm lost on this one.
This is fucked up. What are your thoughts, Hank? Get out.
Get out. Get out.
Good advice. We should make a movie about that.
Yeah yeah but first do the thing where you pretend to be dead like you do for your dog or just put put a mannequin on your bed and see if he fucks it that's a good yeah there you go that's the answer i love it or find a dead body and then see if he fucks that here's what you do like suggest hey why don't we go grave digging tonight yeah picnic in the graveyard yeah let's just see if he likes it. Yeah, see if he starts touching the ground and getting a boner there.
Be like, hey, zombie movie this weekend? Let's check it out. Yeah, you need to dig a little bit deeper because I think just having dead people porn on the computer isn't quite enough.
Yeah, that's not. There are so many explanations for how a dead vagina could end end up on your computer.
You start clicking on you porn, you can end up anywhere.

Down a wormhole.

Yeah, this is Josh McCown has told us this.

And this is entrapment, okay? You end up in Nebraska.

The algorithm gets you.

All right, we figured it out.

So I guess we're on that guy's side.

Yeah.

All right.

We'll see everyone Wednesday.

Love you guys.

Bye.

Bye.

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Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

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Bye. Bye.
Bye. Bye.
Bye. Bye.
Bye. Bye.
Bye. Bye.
Bye. Bye.
Bye. I'll be gone Take on me Take me on I'll be gone Take on me Needless to say I'm all the same But I'll be so little way you Thank you.
Be gone, leave. Take me on.

I'll be gone.

Let's do it too.

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