Blake Bortles, Mt Rushmore Of Athletes We Thought Would Be Better, And Hard Knocks

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
As we progress through the season, every fan knows that big wins are hard to come by and tough losses are even harder to accept. But you know what isn't hard to accept? Discover.
Believe it or not, Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide you heard that right 99 so make a good call for your wallet and get discover based on the february 2024 nielsen report learn more at discover.com credit card on today's part of my take we have the boat blake bortles newly shaved head We talked to him about what went down. We have a Wikipedia club hair loss.
We also have Hard Knocks episode three. Yes.
Three review. Hot seat, cool throne in the Mount Rushmore of guys we thought were going to be better.
The guys you convinced yourself,

this is going to be the superstar for my team.

And then, before we do all that though.

When your home system or appliance breaks down,

American Home Shield will help fix or replace the covered item,

no matter its age.

Visit ahs.com slash listen for 20% off any plan.

See ahs.com slash contracts for coverage details, limitations, and exclusions. Okay, let's go.
Boy! Boy! Now in the streets there is violence. And then I love to solve what can be done.
No place to hang out or wash in. And then a lot of stuff Work to be done No place to hang I love washing And then I can't play All on the sun Oh no We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue It It's Part of My Take, presented by Barstool Spoons.
Welcome to Part of My Take, presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now.
Use code BARSTool. You get $5 for yourself.
$5 to ASPCA. Today is Wednesday, August 21st.
Whoa, Sunday night. Oh, Sunday night.
Is that the old one or the new one? Okay, that's the new one. I've been waiting all day is the new old one.
Okay. So what was old is now new again.
And I just fell in love with the new old one. Exactly.
It's like next year they're going to get rid of the NFL 100 logo. Yeah everybody falls in love with it and you get a tattoo yep uh yeah so that was big news but let's talk about hard knocks the john gruden episode john gruden leads the league in being pumped the frank caliendo john gruden episode this was the episode we wanted where it was just so much gruden and i fucking love him i i'm switching i'm'm switching.
We make fun of John Gruden. We make fun of the Raiders, the whole $100 million contract.
I have switched. I want John Gruden to succeed because we need him in our lives for as long as possible.
Him just throwing in swear words that made no sense. What would he say to Glennon? Fucking neck, man.
That was a great shit drive. That was a great great shit drive man i i can't believe that john gruden went how many years on monday night football without dropping an f-bomb yeah considering how often he does it in hard knocks just in his regular vernacular they don't even make sense you just nope just put fuck in there and it becomes a football guy say great shit drive glennon man um so yeah it was it was the gruden episode it's great every single play, no matter what, he acts like he has an orgasm.

Yeah.

You know how we talk about Nick Saban never coming?

He never allows himself to nut unless he wins the national championship.

Then he gets one, and then it's back to recruiting.

Yes.

John Gruden is the exact opposite.

He's like Nick Saban like if he did tantric play call.

When he does that thing where he's got a little belly now,

and he, like, went belly to belly with Antonio Brown. And you're just like, are they about to fuck? Like he's like, yeah, we'd love to have you out here, man.
And like just like kind of almost like foreplay with his belly. And it was just the tension just was rising in the room.
And that's John Gruden. That's how football coaches get close to their players.
You ever see the movie Coneheads where they had intercourse by rubbing heads? Yes. That's what a football guy does.
He just rubs his belly on you and that's how he lets you know that he loves you. The other key to John Gruden being a football guy when he had to talk to Drew Rosenhaus, he looked like he wanted to be anywhere else on the planet.
Doesn't have any time for him. He's like, fuck this guy.
I don't want to be here. I don't want to hear about Antonio Brown's helmet.
I am officially as well so sick of Antonio Brown's helmet. Yeah, sick of the helmet, but in love with the jumpsuit.
Yeah, in love with the jumpsuit, in love with the booming on his pads, but the helmet gate. Holy shit.
I am now on Mike Mayock's side. Just decided, dude.
I'm sick of talking about it. Like the whole episode, he was with the team, and then right at the end, he's like, oh, yeah, he's not here.
It's so stupid at this point. I'm sick of it.
Just either find a helmet, don't play with a helmet. I don't care.
We might riot if he continues to do the helmet stuff. I absolutely agree.
How about that? We riot if he continues the helmet stuff. It is kind of annoying because it's like one of those things where you look out, and Mayock said it, there are 89 other guys out there that are playing.
It's just the dumbest story at this point. I thought it was a fun story when it happened.
When that first Mike Silver had that first tweet thread, you're like, this is ridiculous. And you were hoping maybe it would be like a two, three day story that would get us a little bit closer to football.
We're on what week two now, week three of this. It's exhausting and I'm sick of it.
It is. Do you think that when Frank Caliendo was doing his impression of Gruden in front of the team, Mark Davis thought that he was doing an impression of him? Yes, definitely.
I think so. He's like, yeah, this guy's awesome.
I do be sounding like that sometimes. That is awesome.
Yeah, this is good job, bro. Try to dap him up.
Yeah, Frank. What are you doing? That's perfect.
Other notes. We had Luke Wilson, our guy, Luke Wilson, one of the best all all time, most random, but best recurring guests when he told the story about the Seattle Super Bowl and the locker room after he's review of the Golden Gate Bridge.
Pretty cool fucking bridge. Yeah.
Even though he's seen bridges before. This is not his first bridge.
No, even he's got to take his hat off. Well, that's what he was like.
I grew up in a town with a bridge, so I didn't think I'd be excited to see another bridge. But that goes like spits in the face of the old saying, when you see one bridge, you've seen them all.
Yeah. That's not a true saying anymore.
Golden Gate Bridge. It hits different.
Pretty cool fucking bridge. It was.
Yeah. He's kombucha Rob Gronkowski.
Yes. He's MDMA Gronk.
That hair, too, is so good. I know.
It's so good. And we also had our hard knocks player that everyone's going to draft late in their fantasy league because we get sold on it.
Or he might just get cut and everyone has a tearjerker. It's the Devin Kajusti Award.
So it is – what was the guy's name? Waller. I already forgot.
Waller. Darren Waller? No.
You sound pretty attached. Darren Waller.
Darren Waller. No, no, no.
I wrote a note down. Well, yeah.
He's had like a bunch of substance abuse issues in the past. Abuse.
Yeah. I slipped in my Luke Wilson real quick.
But they probably not a great choice of words for the announcer. It would be like everyone's real high on Darren Waller this year.
Well, Bill Walton was announcing so. That's true.
Yeah. But yeah.
otherwise, pretty entertaining episode. Yeah, I thought it was pretty good.
It was pretty good. It was good to hear Uncle Brent's voice, too.
Always good. When they were playing against the Cardinals.
He was probably up there in the booth scoping out Cliff Kingsbury's wife. I'm going to go with 3.5 balls.
Okay, that's a strong balls rating. Yeah, yeah.
That's actually not a strong balls rating. You don't think that's a good balls rating? Out of 5? That's seven out of ten balls.
It's like a similar. Oh, now you're doing multiplication, Hank.
No, it's 3.5 out of five balls. But Hank's right with the math.
I get it, but I don't like that. It's a five ball scale.
Yeah. What do you give balls-wise? I was cracking up the whole time.
I'd probably give it like a 4.4 balls. Whoa.
4.4 balls. That was one of the most entertaining episodes of Hard Knocks.

Flat four balls for me.

Four balls.

All right.

So then we average out to about a tick under four balls.

There we go.

Yeah.

An epididymis under four balls.

3.99 balls.

That sounds about right.

That's pretty strong.

Yeah.

Other big NFL news today.

Oh, yeah.

Our guy Baker.

Back in the news.

So we have sworn an oath to defend Baker against enemies foreign and domestic yep and uh he did an interview with gq who uh clay skipper the author you might remember him from uh he did a uh thing about us a couple years ago remember that yes and that's what we know clay skipper for and that's it uh yeah so he got baker like to sit down in a restaurant they were talking about uh daniel They were talking about other quarterbacks, and Baker said some things that might have come off to be kind of saying George Daniel Jones. I don't think so.
I'm just saying I think that that's the type of quarterback that you want on your team, the guy that thinks that he's the shit. Here's the thing I don't understand about this whole entire controversy or whatever the fuck you want to call it.
Because, listen, Baker was probably misquoted, and we stand by it he was misquoted and he used the barstool sports instagram page to shout that out so thank you for that okay so great so boom he was misquoted but let's say he wasn't misquoted okay let's just go under that hypothetical he said nothing different than everyone else in the entire world and i get it yeah it's baker so it's different because it's not a talking head but everyone has spent the last five months shitting on Daniel Jones and Daniel Jones is used to it at this point he's just literally been getting shat on and guess what Baker just added on he was the last one to do it and you know what Baker probably is friends with Daniel Jones and was motivating him that's true he's probably being a good It was really nice. And then Daniel Jones had the most Daniel Jones response of all time.

He basically said, I appreciate Mr.

Mara for giving me the opportunity to learn behind Eli Manning and the entire Giants organization

in our very boring shade of blue pants.

Yeah.

So good job, Daniel Jones.

I don't.

I mean, so are we missing?

Are we saying misquoted?

Misquoted.

Officially out of context. Okay.
So we're not even going to hate Daniel Jones anymore. He was misquoted out of context.
Guess what? It was crazy that they drafted him with the six-pack. We all thought that.
It is. We all said it.
Doesn't mean he can't be good. Baker's just being a normal guy, just like the rest of us.
And you know what? When we swore to protect Baker, I don't think we realized how full-time of a job that would be. Oh, my God.
Yeah. I mean, mind it no it's a very it's a great part of my job but I feel like we should outsource them we should get like a Russian troll farm to just yeah handle handle our light work like if it's cowards yeah yeah there's no political candidate in the United States that needs a troll farm of Russian internet accounts more than Baker Mayfield does.
Yeah, let's get it going. Go after Coward.
I'm sure he said something. I don't even care.
He did. Yeah.
So Coward is just using that as a hobby. Who cares? Who cares? And Stanley, who cares? Yeah, I had a thought this weekend.
You know, I mean, foreshadowing and that's basically you guys in like 10 minutes. Yeah, that's true.
Because we're taping the beginning of the show after we taped the rest of the show oh that's a good point that's mike that was a mike francessa quote by the way that i i don't i i do i do care about stanley yeah yeah no i care i care about stanley yeah and baker and baker both care about everyone everyone all god's children i care about just not colin Coward. Yeah.
No, fuck that guy.

No.

Yeah.

Before we do Hot Seed Cool Throne. There's making a sandwich and then there's crafting a sandwich.
And when I want something perfectly crafted, I go straight to Boar's Head. For over a century, Boar's Head has been dedicated to crafting premium deli favorites.
Every ingredient is carefully chosen, every recipe made with a purpose. Their oven gold turkey, smoked master ham, and ever roast chicken are made from premium whole cuts, hand trimmed, and perfectly seasoned.
Last weekend, I made the ultimate sandwich, oven gold turkey, cheese, pickles, and mustard. Simple, but unbelievable.
So next time you're at the deli, don't settle, get the best. Boar's Head, committed to craft since 1905.
Discover the craftsmanship behind every bite at boarshead.com.

Okay, let's do our hot seat, cool throne.

Hank.

My hot seat is Kenny Stills.

Dolphins wide receiver.

He came out on Monday or Tuesday,

and he kind of came out a little critical of Jay-Z

and the whole partnership with the NFL.

Today, his coach, Brian Flores,

played eight Jay-Z songs in a row

during practice. Whoa.
And no

Beyonce? No Beyonce. That's problematic

right there. Whoa.
Did he play any Stephen

Ross raps? I don't know. Oh.

He's pretty good, that Stephen Ross guy.

I saw Mike Florio tweet out that Stephen Ross

is out of the Social Justice

Working Group. I didn't even know that was a category

at Westminster. He got kicked out.

Yeah. He got kicked out.
He's no longer certified by the AKC. That's right.
Yeah. So what are your thoughts on this, Hank? I just feel like it's a bad sign if you come out and say something and then your coach's response is to basically troll you.
I'm not talking about the whole issue, all that bullshit. I'm just saying if your head coach sees you talking out to the media and then he gets so upset with that that he basically trolls you, that's not a good sign.
It's also just not a sign. Not a good sign in general.
If you're a Miami dolphins wide receiver. Yeah.
So we could just end the conversation. Could also be just guys being dudes though.
Little ball busting. It's funny.
It's ball busting, but it's like, it's you're on the hot seat. Right.
You've been, you've been, you've been put on the hot seat. Right.
Like your, your comments didn't get unnoticed by your coach. Like correct.
People know what's going on. Or he's just a huge Jay-Z fan.
Doubtful. Eight in a row? Could just think that.
Eight in a row? I don't know. He's got a lot of hits.
Yeah, he does. Got a lot of hits.
My other hot seat is... Maybe he just did Spotify radio or whatever.
Boom. Yeah, good point.
Good point. Left it on.
Well, then it would probably be mixing a variation of Jay-Z and people like Jay-Z. True.
He just clicks Jay-Z. My other hot seat is Spider-Man.
Yeah? He's out of the MCU. What? Oh, is that a hospital? Was he in trouble? No, it's a universe.
Okay. All right.
So what is that? He's out. What is MCU? That's the Avengers universe.
Okay. So what do you do? Marvel comic universe.
Why'd he get kicked out? Apparently there's some ownership issues. You know, Sony, his rights are owned by Sony, and they're having issues with Disney, and so they're saying that they're not gonna let spider-man appear in any mcu movies when he's been like the person they've been kind of he's like their top prospect in the mcu so it's kind of awkward got it so i have a question wasn't the avengers the last avengers yeah i thought so wasn't that i thought they were just like we're gonna agree to not make more $100 million movies.
Right. To make us all rich.
To quote LaShawn McCoy, didn't Tony Stark die? He died, but they basically set up Spider-Man to be the new Tony Stark, the new guy. Oh, okay.
Is it Tobey? Is it Tobey Maguire? Nope. Damn.
Is it Topher Grace? Is Topher Grace dead? Damn. Topher Grace is long gone.
He's two Spider-Mans removed. He was the Spider-Man? No, but he was the bad guy in one of them.
Got it. But then Andrew Garfield's Spider-Man came on.
He is no longer existing. That's a made-up name.
He's the new guy. Also, Topher Grace.
He's the easiest villain to kill. That's not a real person.
He's the president, right? Is that a real person? Yeah, he's the president. Okay.
All right, so got it. No more Spider-Man.
No more Spider-Man ever? Cancel. Cancel.
Cancel. Cancel.
No, he'll still be in Sony in Venom. See, now I have no idea what's going on.
Jesus Christ. I have no idea.
That was... You can't do that.
So two different companies own Spider-Man. Spider-Man is...
Basically, Sony owns... He's Deion Sanders.
He's Deion Sanders. Sony owns Spider-Man, and let's say it's the NFL, and they let him go play in the NBA for a while, but he's still playing in the NFL.
Now they're saying you can't play in the NBA. You can only play in the NFL, and that's it.
And all the NBA fans are very upset because the NBA is way more popular. A spider, by the way, would suck in the NBA.
Come on, Hank. It's the NBA.
Oh, okay. What, are you going to work for the ringer? I'd be traveling the entire time.
Okay. And then my cool throne is the Matrix.
Try establishing a pivot foot if you're interacting. That's what I'm saying.
My cool throne is the Matrix. Okay.
Yeah. They announced the Matrix yeah they announced the matrix for today okay keanu yeah fuck yes that's one of those movies i just put that on my cool throne is to say that's one of those movies like jurassic park that i just never seen really yeah so that that one's fair i remember vividly matrix one was like life-changing matrix two i think i watched in movie in the theaters and it's like this stinks and i don't think i saw matrix three which is why it's surprising that 20 years later they've come out but i'll go back for that yeah i'll go back for the nostalgia factor which is the one where they had him meet god the guy with a beard was that i don't know i just remember being mad about yeah yeah i was mad about when he met god because i was just like i'm way too high to understand anything that's going on here where why isn't he dodging bullets? Exactly.
That's what I signed up for. I hope Matrix 4 just starts out.
It should just be John Wick inside a computer. I'm cool with that.
Okay, done. My other cool throne is crispy chicken sandwiches.
Something you guys can probably actually relate to, unlike my other three. Why? Because we like food? Yeah.
Is that a fat comment? Yes. Okay.
I've already eaten it. What has been going on? Popeye's just came up with a chicken sandwich and now it's on popeye's came out the chicken sandwich and then in response to the announcement of the chicken sandwich chick-fil-a you know got a little cutesy on twitter a little brand off yeah nothing like nothing better than a brand off you can't believe 17 times chick-fil-a dunked on popeye's no no no no no no uh-oh popeye's dunked on chick-fil-a nice.
Chick-fil-A tried to get in the mix, and then Popeye's and just all the fans just dunked on him. Wendy's got in the mix.
Oh, shit. The Avengers of chicken sandwiches.
It sparked. No, not really.
They're all going at each other. It's like a Royal Rumble of chicken sandwiches.
Shake Shack on the mix. They got dunked on by everyone.
Shake Shack can get the fuck out of town. They're not in the same league.
Why doesn't Popeye's just market to, hey, we sell chicken sandwiches on Sundays? I think they are. I think they've started to do that.
That would be great if it just became a chicken sandwich off and then Chick-fil-A was forced to sell chicken sandwiches on Sunday. They'll never do it.
I don't think they're going to do it. I don't know.
They're bottom dollar. What about Taco Bell, Hank? Trouble in paradise? You guys don't have a chicken sandwich? Not yet.
A torta? A chicken torta? That would be nice. You know, here's what you do.
You just buy a shitload of Chick-fil-A sandwiches on Saturday night. Yes.
Hang on to them until Sunday morning. Put them inside one of those Crunchwrap deals and say, hey, this is our chicken torta.
Why don't we do that? Why don't we stand outside of Chick-fil-A with a bunch of Chick-fil-A sandwiches we bought the night before on a Sunday when everyone comes through and like, shit, it's close. Like, all the stoners are like,

shit, it's close.

Hey, dude,

we have a $50 Chick-fil-A sandwich for you.

I like it.

It's like a lemonade stand for chicken.

Pardon my taste.

How quickly do you think

that would get cut to a shutdown?

Not quickly

because they don't have cops around

on Sundays.

Perfect.

And they have to be very polite to you.

They say,

my pleasure when they serve you.

That's true.

They are very nice.

Very polite people there.

Is that it?

That's it.

Okay.

PFT. Okay.
Great job, Hank. Great job, Hank.
Hey, Hank. That's true.
They are very nice. Very polite people there.
Is that it? That's it. Okay.
PFT.

Okay.

Great job, Hank.

Great job, Hank.

Hey, Hank.

That was awesome.

You're so great.

It's ridiculous that you need approval.

My hot seat.

I'm going right into it.

Greenland is on my hot seat because the president of Denmark just said that it's not for sale.

See, again, I don't believe it.

But everything has a price.

But that's part of the deal. Who cares? But if the president of Brazil says it is for sale like wait does Denmark own Greenland yes yeah they do yeah they actually do why you were thinking Portugal why they speak Brazilian in Portugal yeah no they do own Greenland it would be like someone trying to buy Puerto Rico and we're like uh not for sale guys yes exactly I think exactly which I mean if President Trump wants an island that doesn't support ICE, he should just go for Puerto Rico.
Puerto Rico, yeah. It's just right there.
It's convincing that we should rebuy Puerto Rico. Yeah, rebuy Puerto Rico.
But there are other ways to take over a country besides buying it. Like, fuck it, let's just ride.
A war? What's Denmark going to do to stop us from invading Greenland? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Yeah, there's probably some treaty that would stop it, but that's a piece of paper. Yeah.
Denmark has bigger fish to fry. Mm-hmm.
So I have one more question regarding Denmark. Yeah.
Okay. Sure.
According to Google, it is the kingdom of Denmark, but the guy goes by the president? Yeah. So here's what happened in Europe.
What a cuck. Like 100 years ago.
You've got to be king. So a bunch of countries were like, hey, we shouldn't have kings anymore because it's just about who fucks who.

And they decided to have presidents, but the kings still hang out and they get to wear crowns and stuff.

Like the Queen of England.

Yeah, Queen of England.

But there's a president of England as well?

Yeah, there's a prime minister.

It's the Rob Ford guy.

Got it.

Yeah, yeah.

All right.

Yeah, Boris.

Any more questions about Denmark?

That was kind of fun.

Yeah, we broke it down.

Yeah, actually, we're going to have probably the most famous Denmark citizen on part of my take on Friday.

Oh, what a teaser.

Have a great day. Any more questions about Denmark? No, that's it.
That was kind of fun. Yeah, we broke it down.
Yeah, actually, we're going to have probably the most famous Denmark citizen on part of my take on Friday. Oh, what a teaser.

How about that?

How about that?

Make that one up.

Well, slash Greenland.

Slash Greenland.

Yeah, yeah.

We could probably just buy Greenland from Morton Anderson.

Greenland's own Morton Anderson.

Yes, it's coming on Friday.

My cool throne is, well, are we going to get into Todd Gurley's Cat, Hank? Let's do it. Okay.
My cool throne is LeBron Lockwood. Yeah.
Because I think what we just found out from Todd Gurley is that you can get a cat and sell ad space on it real easily. And Hank seems receptive to the idea of owning a cat if he can get sponsored.
So, Hank. I can get money.
Yes. So, name your price.
Because I actually thought about this last night as well. if we got a cat if it can get sponsored so hey i can get money yes so name your price because i actually thought about this last night as well if we got a cat named cash app and it was yours how much money do does that do you need to be paid for cash app the cat 100k whoa i don't know how about 10 okay let's move in the middle.
25. Did you just meow? $25,000 cash in your Cash App.
Yeah. Now you're thinking.
No. 25.
Cash App. Cash App.
30. Cash App.
Yeah. Also, big cat.
Why are you negotiating over the internet with this? Because Cash App's going to listen. We should make it higher.
Well, I'm doing a good- Take some of the money. Well, no.
That's my Hank. No, I wanted to just prove that I'm reading a deal.
$150. And it's $400,000 deal.
Okay, so you pretty much said that you would buy a cat for like $10,000. Yep, nope.
I mean, this is one of those things where it's like $100,000, and then they're like, how about $10,000? You're like, deal. Here's the thing about Todd Gurley's cat, though.
It's like, fuck you, Todd Gurley. Yeah.
You've been talking about getting a cat for a year. And then you just do that.
And then you get a fake cat. Yeah.
A merkin, a little fake pussy. Makes ads out of their content.
That's fucked up. It's disgusting.
Yeah. Can you imagine using one of your pets as a thing Or like On Instagram Starting a bit And then having it become An ad And like Maming a whole week after it Mm-hmm Like and then selling grit By the bottle Or We should sell grit By the bottle Holy shit Just water Imagine Yeah No it's just air It's air We just go We're like Hey You know what itit Week.
Like, ooh, here's air from Coach Harbaugh's office.

Here's air from.

Inside the van.

Yeah.

Coach O, breathe the little air in here.

That would be great.

Mike Ditka farted into this one.

Boom.

Done.

Sold.

That one probably wouldn't sell that much because you can get it for free if you just walk around Chicago.

If you just walk behind him like a pooper scooper.

Yeah.

Yeah, pretty much.

But that.

Write that down. Different coaches.
Air' breath. Yes.
Hot dog breath. All right.
Anything else? That's it. Okay.
My hot seat is Devin Booker. So there was a video that was released of a little run over the summer.
Joe Kim Noah and Devin Booker. So essentially, Devin Booker was mad because Joe Kim noah sent a double team on him and devin booker was like hey we don't double team in open run and we're working on our game here and joe kim noah which i who i love forever was like yeah that's part of the game dude yeah we do yeah we do and it was an awesome clip because it just showed maybe devin booker is the s word soft and also he sent tony snell as the double team so it was like damn the Bulls are back I'm just I'm shocked that Joe Kim Noah is still playing he's ready to go yeah he is he's ready for that New Zealand contract did you see that Kobe quote yeah the Kobe quote was awesome so uh Will Conroy said I remember being with the Lakers in pre-preseason what's pre-preseason 06 and during our open runs we double Kobe constantly not once did he get mad not once did he pass lol well yeah duh you don't have to say that part you wasted characters exactly that has no bearing even if he was single team yeah he said y'all better send three to guard me by the way that's the year he had 60 plus and didn't play the fourth against dallas in that year in that year okay so uh yeah i mean listen devin booker seems like a nice guy but that is a soft move Joe Kim no I love you yeah good rule of thumb is if you're playing in any sort of game any sort of scrimmage that isn't an actual regular season game for a professional league just don't complain about shit right from the from the time that you turn like 12 years old just stop complaining about stuff in practice but it is crazy that Devin Book was like, we're here to work on our game.
What more could work on your game than having a double team? You get double teamed in the NBA. Why wouldn't you want to be double teamed right here? Yeah.
Does Devin Booker get double teamed? Oh, yeah. He scored.
He fucking lights it up. Okay.
He can score by the bunches. He scored what? He scored 70? Oh, yeah.
That's right. This is crazy that he would be upset about something like that.
You'd think that would make him better.

My cool throne is degenerate gamblers.

So Mountain West announced today that Hawaii football games are going to stream live on Facebook.

Thank fucking God.

So all you degenerate gamblers, the chase game that everyone bets.

Hawaii basically has been part of your life forever.

I used to do the move where I would follow, like if Hawaii was playing Rice, I would follow Hawaii and Rice Twitter accounts and then put alerts on and just sit there and wait for them to pop up because the scores wouldn't update if you were looking in a score app. But now we can watch it live.
I like that. And so what time are those games? When do they start? They're usually at like midnight.
Okay, I love that. I love that.
So you extend the day. It's the game that you bet when you've had a terrible Saturday and you're like, let me just try to get one win before Sunday starts.
Okay, so the way I'm doing the math right now, basically we have like three hours of downtime between college football and when the preseason or the pregame shows start on ESPN, like the Sunday matchup. You're forgetting about EPL at like 6.30 in the morning.
Oh, yeah. I had an idea about that.
I love just the hangover reducing qualities of just turning on my TV and seeing grass. Grass and English accents.
That helps. But if you just see grass, just green grass on your television, there should be a grass channel for dads.
Someone tweeted me over the summer i think it was around wimbledon time and it was the most like appropriate tweet ever he said i'm so hung over all i want to do is see a ball moving and that's really it yeah you just want to sit on your couch and just see a ball on your screen go back and forth on grass anywhere yes absolutely that's right so excluding that if we're talking about just football though we've got three hours where we can fall asleep. I love that.
Are we going to be able to watch Army against Oklahoma this year? I don't know if they play again, but I just remember last year. That's a pay-per-view because I was gambling on that.
I watched that Periscope where it was just the dude's feet for half the time. Yeah, it was crazy.
Was that that was the channel? Yeah, no, it was a Periscope, but he just had his feet in the screen the whole time.

Everyone's like, dude, get your fucking feet out of the thing.

A Periscope of a live event.

Uh-huh.

The comment section is such a hilarious spot to be in.

The comment section, then every now and again, the guy turns the phone back onto himself.

Dude, what are you doing?

Yeah, bro, what are you doing?

Turn up the volume.

We can't hear.

I didn't watch this football game to look at a dude.

I fucking love it.

I love it. All right, let's get to our our mount rushmore we got a big one here uh before we do our mount rushmore though pft i want to ask you a question what's your favorite vodka uh that's easy it's new amsterdam yeah it is new amsterdam vodka believes that when you have an uncompromising passion and a competitive spirit you can achieve great things the spirit has inspired new amsterdam to produce a vodka of superb taste and unparalleled smoothness.
New Amsterdam distills its vodka five times using only the finest quality grains from America's heartland, resulting in a premium vodka with unparalleled smoothness that is then filtered three times for a clean, crisp finish. New Amsterdam is slightly sweet on the palate, smooth enough to drink on the rocks, mix it with a juice or juicer soda or make a classic new amsterdam mule new amsterdam vodka is the official vodka bar school sports get the pink whitney's starting september 1st our guy ryan whitney one of our favorite recurring guests he has his own drink named after him in new amsterdam vodka it's a pre-mix vodka and lemonade and you got to get it pink whitney's so check them out okay here we go mount rushmore of guys we thought were going to be better so this idea came to me when uh we were talking about mike glennon last week and i was convinced that he was going to be a fantastic bears quarterback we're like hey that one was like just you had to convince yourself right self-preservation going into a season right there are all sorts of lies you need to tell yourself to be an n fan.
So here are the rules. Because I did a brain dump and I just basically did all the Chicago guys that have disappointed me.

And it's a long, long list.

Obama.

So what we're going to do, you can pick two from the teams you root for.

And then the other two have to be national.

So it's guys that you were convinced were going to be better than they are. There will probably be some crossover with bus but it's not necessarily a bus okay all right hank first pick go ahead uh my first pick this movie is probably like one of the best documentaries i've ever seen one of the first documentaries i ever saw made me love like sports documentaries sports movies sebastian telfair through the wire yep i watched that I was like, this kid is going to be.
And also, I was young, and it was like a sports documentary that made him look really good. And in my head, I was like, he's skipping college.
He's dominating Dwight Howard. He is going to be the greatest NBA player of all time.
Yes. That's a good pick.
He recently just went to jail, which was sad. That video of him in court.
Damn. Why'd you do that? Yeah, tough.
Okay. All right.
My first pick, I would have put my life, my 20, no, my 18-year-old life on this guy being an unbelievable pro, Joey Harrington. Yeah.
I was convinced Joey Harrington was going to be so good. It was right when Oregon became Oregon.
They hadn't been that team yet. You had him on the cover of the NCAA football game.
I think he lost like two or three games his entire college career. Joey Harrington, in my mind, was like, this guy is going to be incredible.
Because it was also like, Oregon, up-tempo, this is all new. Who is this guy? He's Joey.
Why doesn't he go by Joe? What an idiot. Joey jeans.
If he was Joe. Yeah.
He probably would have been good. But yeah.
Joey Harrington. I was convinced was going to be that dude.
Yeah. That's a good pick.
I like Joey Harrington a lot too. When he was going to the cover lines.
That's great. And then they got him all these.
Yeah. The cover.
They got him all these weapons at wide receiver. Yeah.
Well that I actually have a couple other guys from there. Yeah.
You could make a Matt Miller honorable mention the list. Yeah, honorable mention, yeah.
Yeah, okay, my very first, I'm going to have to go with the GOAT, Freddie Adu. And we still don't know.
He still could be great. True.
He did that commercial with Pele. It was at a time when America was really, really desperate for the future of American soccer.
He wasn't. Because at that point, America was so far in the past that we still hadn't had a future of American soccer yet but he was the first one I went to his very first game for DC United yeah I was there he got in after like I don't know 70 minutes I was like if he's really good he should probably be starting that was my first clue yeah that maybe he wouldn't be great he was like 16 he was like yeah he was like 15 or 16 years old that that was the yeah the start of the long list of guys who were going to save America in soccer.
Yes, he was original one of those. My second, Big Cat probably has this guy on this list.
One of the best college running backs I've ever seen, Ron Dane. Ron Dane, I still think one of these days for the Giants, he's going to suit up and run for 170 yards.
He had that Thanksgiving game. He had one good game.
With the Texans. I thought he was like like the next Bo Jackson.
Okay. I thought he was going to kind of fucked up.
You picked one of my teams. That's fine.
That's fine. Yeah.
No, that's fine. You could have.
No, I could have. Yeah, I could have picked.
All right. My second pick.
I'm going to go. I alluded to this because I said this might hurt someone's feelings.
Not a friend, but a friend of a friend. I was big time.
Greg Oden's better than Kevin Durant. And I was like, how can you pass on a big man this good? I think I was probably biased because he played, you know, I watched him play at the Big Ten and Ohio State and Wisconsin played, you know, twice a year and all this shit.
I would have put everything on Greg Oden being that block he had. I think it was in the tournament.
Maybe I can't remember. It was like the final four.
Not to make it even worse. It was just like, holy shit, this guy can do everything.
Yeah. They needed to win that national championship.
Yeah, they did. Well, that national championship is like the number one.
I'm so mad that NCAA basketball has the five foul rule. Because remember Joe Kim Noah and Greg Oden had like two quick fouls

and they didn't play the first half.

Why are we watching this?

Hand up.

I agreed with you on that draft.

Oh, yeah.

I was like, you got to take Oden.

Because Kevin Rakimian bench.

And also like in the back of your head,

you still had a dominant big man like Shaq can take you all the way.

So you're like, this is the next evolution.

I didn't know that Steve Kerr was going to come in

and fuck everything up for everybody. Right, right.
But yeah, and when he had his hand injury, his wrist injury, I was like, oh, this is a fluke injury. He's fine.
He's fine. I don't care that he's shooting foul shots with his offhand.
Yep. It'll be fine.
He's going to be healthy. He looks like Abraham Lincoln.
Big men this skilled never fail. Yeah, exactly.
I think I said that to myself many times. Kevin Durant couldn't even put up 185 pounds.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Right.
He was a little, he was so skinny. He didn't even like

the Durantula nickname.

Greatest nickname that's never stuck.

Or Slim Reaper. Or Slim Reaper.
That was actually

what I was thinking of. Two for two.
Durantula's good too, though.

Slim Reaper's awesome. This is another one from my

youth that I was just, you know,

ignorant, very ignorant, but Scott

Casimir was a pitcher on the Devil Rays.

Left-handed pitcher, so I went to a Red Sox

game. He dominated him.

I think he threw a complete game and had like 15 strikeouts.

Won the rookie of the year that year.

And so I was like, this guy's going to be the greatest player of all time.

I just looked up his stats because I was thinking like just brain dump.

And I went to look and it's like 10-8, 13-9, 12-8, 10-9, 8-7, 2-2, career's over.

Yep.

Scott Casimir.

Yes, Scott Casimir. Because also leftiesies you're always like wow yes and obviously i was like lefty like i'm a lefty like this guy's a lefty you could see yourself yeah you and scott casimir had a little something something if your dad let you play in little league world series uh i'm gonna beat him up yeah too he was distraught over that i guess i mean it was In retrospect He should have let you play In retrospect Finding out that you didn't get to play As a 13 year old In Little League World Series And then the immediate reaction Being like We're going to kick your ass Mr.
Lockwood It's a little much How much cooler would this podcast be though If we had a Little League World Series champion As a person My whole way I mean I probably You wouldn here you wouldn't no no no you'd be in the big leagues yeah for sure yeah uh my next one will be james young more recent but i i kind of had a connection with him i knew him shout out to say malone i like had run into him a few times he had that dunk in the tournament against yukon celtics then drafted him and i like knew him i got to hang out with him a few times so in my head i, yo, if this guy blows up, I'm going to be fucking cool with the best player on the Celtics. I don't think he ever played more than 10 minutes a game.
He just didn't play defense. And he was hooking up with Rihanna.
He was sitting courtside with Rihanna. Had that dunk in the tournament.
I'd say he also had expectations then. I mean, all things being equal, I'd probably rather that than have a successful NBA career.
I feel like the successful NBA career would probably be better. Without banging Rihanna? Yeah.
Yeah. Think about it.
I don't know if they were just courts that are together. Legends never die.
Yeah. All right.
I'll go with Chicago one. I still think that Rex Grossman could be a great quarterback because that arm strength.
Come on. And just throwing a Super Bowl.

The defensive.

But yes, yes.

I still was like Rex Grossman is a franchise quarterback.

In fact, you could say that if Rex Grossman had beaten Peyton Manning in that game,

Peyton Manning would have never won a ring.

Correct.

Correct.

Facts.

But yeah, I still, I don't know.

I mean, dude, guys who can throw deep.

Yeah.

Why not?

And he didn't mind throwing deep. Why not?

You know what he did? He trusted himself a little bit too much. A little too much.
A little too much. Sexy Rex.
All right, what do you got next? So my last two, I'm going Dice K right off the bat. Dice K, Matazaka.
No, because, Hank. You won a ring.
Yeah, but he. He had a couple of 21 seasons.
I was promised the gyro ball. I was promised the gyro ball, okay? And I never got the gyro ball.
I was told that he had like 500 different pitches that he could throw,

that he was going to come over and do things that no human arm had ever done before in the history of pitching.

And then he came over and he threw like 93 on the black.

So that, to me, I was –

The gyro ball was very –

Yeah.

Yes.

I was waiting on the gyro ball.

And my last one, I'm going to go with –

Oh, actually.

Yeah, he only had one good year. Yeah.
He went 15-12, 18-3, and then just fell off a cliff. Yeah.
18-3. Wow.
That's a pretty good year. Yeah.
My last one, I'm going with David Boston. David Boston, the wide receiver.
He was a legend coming out of Ohio State. He had an awesome year on the Cardinals.
I pulled up these stats. He had 1,600 yards and eight touchdowns.
Pretty good year. And there was a legitimate debate which receiver is going to be the future of the NFL, David Boston or Randy Moss.
I thought it was David Boston. I was – some would say I was wrong about that take.
But he had a body like a fucking Adonis, and then he just decided to quit football and become a bodybuilder. Yeah.
So not a bad profession. Backup plan.
But I agree. I thought he was awesome, too.
He got caught using steroids. And then he was like, you know what? I might as well.
Can I make steroids? Full send. Full send.
Fuck it. All right.
My last pick. I still again.
These hurt because you still think that you like hang on to him. Tyrus Thomas could jump out of the fucking gym.
Wow. Tyrus Thomas could jump out of the fucking gym.
When he went to the final four with LSU, I was like, and then the Bulls drafted him. That was the same draft.
They drafted Marcus Aldrin and traded him. I was like, Tyrus Thomas at four is a steal.
This guy, he had the classic youth thing where it's all upside. Yep.
He stung. He ultimate he was the ultimate length guy why of all time i had him on my list did you that was my next i mean he do you remember how high he could jump yes it was insane that final floor run they were incredible incredible and he just got better every single game and you're like that was a uh all-time draft stock uh tournament whereas like tyrus thomas goes into the okay, maybe he could be a pretty good pro, comes out of the tournament, like, holy shit, this guy.
He was also very fun to play with on 2K the first year out. Yeah.
Because he was like, the hops. Yeah, he had the hops.
Who are the all-time draft tournament stock guys? Wally Serbiak. Wally Serbiak.
Keith Van Horn. Big time.
Yep, yep. Melo.
Melo, yeah. Big time Mellow, yeah.
Anyone the Bulls have drafted who is like a senior at Iowa. Yeah, yeah.
All right, your last one. My last one, speaking of Mellow, I'm going to go with Mellow Trimble.
Okay, yep. I was at a game.
I went to a UNC game. I mean, all mine are basically like things I just saw in person.
But I went to a UNC Carolina game in 2015. He dropped like 25 points, was the best player on the court by far.
And this was the year that if he went in the lottery, he would have been a lottery pick. And so I was like, oh, this guy is destined for greatness.
And I don't even think he's playing anymore. I don't know.
Probably Europe. Which is crazy.
Yeah, that is crazy. 2015, he was a lottery pick.

Yeah, I think he had a game winner against Wisconsin.

I was like, holy shit.

Oh, he plays for Melbourne.

Yeah, he plays in the NBL.

Oh, fuck him.

He's a rival.

Fuck that guy.

I never thought he'd be shit.

Yeah, he stinks.

He stunk out loud from the day I saw him.

That's also one of those ones, Hank, where you see Melo and your mind just plays tricks.

Yep.

And also just the last name, Trimble.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Badass name across the board. And he had a few shots that were like court like the crowd silencer yes like oh big time this guy's a big time player good hair too yeah like a sick flat top all right guys that missed the list i so i i'd say i did a chicago dump i had mike glennon eddie curry jared allen ben wallace gabe karimi fukudome i went to his first uh game and he hit a home run off g, and I was like, holy shit, this guy's going to be a Hall of Famer.
Tony Snell, he stopped Troy, Marcus Fizer. I would throw a flag on Jerry Allen.
Troy Patterson. Jerry Allen, Hall of Famer.
Yeah, I know, but when he came to the Bears, he was like, this is the piece that will take him over the top. So that sucked.
National ones, Emeka Okafor, same thing. He's not bad.
Big guy, you know, big guy can't fail uh i had i thought robert gallery was the greatest pick of all time and i saw him at a bar in iowa city in like 2005 and like this guy is so fucking huge like huge he's massive guy awesome he looks like uh the bassist from slipknot's dad that's how fucking big well like cane with a little bit of Kane mixed into it. Yes.
But you know why everyone thought he was going to be a great pick? Was because he was a safe pick for the Raiders. Right.
It's like, oh, the Raiders didn't fucking draft a wide receiver that, you know, was a sprinter until two months ago. Yes.
This must be a sane pick. Also, offensive line, when you take, like, Gabe Creamy's a perfect example.
When you take an offensive lineman, you're like, oh, this is great is great like they they feel like you got to build from the trenches this guy can't fail yep you just assume those guys don't fuck up Gabe Kareem had that look too yeah he just you know he looked there'd you yeah yeah you can say they call them I've got if we want to go hometowns Patrick Ramsey was on mine Patrick Ramsey he had a fucking cannon he was the NCAA javelin champion his senior year at Tulane. So for that reason, I thought he was going to be a top five NFL quarterback.
I kept saying that for like five years. I was like, take Mark Brunel out.
Don't get off that hill. He was a fucking javelin player.
He's got a cannon on his arm. Die there.
Charles Rogers. Yep.
I was like, the Lions are making the greatest moves. Just get the greatest wide receivers charles rogers mike williams yes roy williams mike williams usc michael williams was another one too where i thought he was going to be unbelievable yep and i also i was convinced murray's claret was going to be awesome he might have been he could have might have been if he didn't get that year off well and also get his goose on but that's what i'm saying that year off he a lot of time to be goosing.
The fact that he was drinking the goose in the Gatorade bottles and saying, I'm getting my goose on. I'm getting my goose on.
Jamarcus Russell. He's on my list.
Yep. People forget he could hit the crossbar while he's wearing shorts.
Yep. From 50 yards.
Harvard Rugland. You guys might know him more commonly as Kickalicious.
The trick shot kicker from Denmark. A lot of Denmark talk today.
But he was doing all these trick shots on YouTube, hitting the post. He would have been a great Bears kicker, actually, now I think about it.
But he was fucking awesome. And then he got a tryout in the NFL, and he did pretty well in preseason.
Then we just never heard from him anymore. That's it.
And then he was poof, gone. Back to that YouTube life.
I did think Ryan Leaf was going to be an awesome quarterback, Yep. He'd throw him in there.
Anyone else, Hank, that you had? No. Kimbo Slice in the UFC.
Kimbo Slice in the UFC. Dude, Kimbo Slice in Dada 5000.
Greatest fight of all time. Greatest fight of all time.
Both those guys had multiple heart attacks in the ring. Yeah, they both got double KO'd by their own bodies.
Their own metabolism. Laying on each other for all those rounds.
Just knocked him the fuck out. It hurts to say, but probably Yabu.
Ooh. You bought it? You bought the Yabu stock? Oh, you know what it also hurts to say? Doug McDermott.
Dougie Buckets. Yeah.
And, and. I mean, you kind of can relate to this big cat, but somebody make a t-shirt for where you have that hype.
You're like, Yabu. It's like, if this guy does good, then we're going to sell so many t- sell so many t-shirts yep you i legitimately sold one jimmer jimmer to the one person that bought the yabu shirt yeah when it came out jimmer is up there because you just assume you're like well he can he can shoot what else matters like he doesn't have to do anything else he can just shoot and you're like oh yeah he is so bad at defense they just blow right by him i mean an obvious one would be robert griffin as well.
But the story hasn't been told yet. The story hasn't been told.
There's the injury as well. He could still make the Hall of Fame.
He could. He's Trent Richardson in quarterback form.
I also had myself as an honorable mention. I thought when I was in elementary school, I was going to be a major league baseball player.
Well, if your dad let you play in the league World Series, but my dad wouldn't let me do it because I didn't qualify. All right.
That was good Mount Rushmore. So a lot of personal ones.
Tweet us the ones. I'm sure there'll be some funny names that you can throw out there that really you were like, this guy's going to be it.
This guy is the thing. Let's go to our interview with the boat, Blake Bortles, before we do that.
in your local workwear retailer or visit ariot.com slash work to get 10% off your first order when you sign up for email and weather whatever in ariot work gear okay here he is the boat blake portals okay we now welcome on one of our best friends he is a quarterback in the nfl for the los angeles Rams. He also is a newly bald man.

It is Blake Bortles, the boat.

Runner-up, Blake of the year.

Runner-up, Blake of the year.

Blake, you are calling from your Tesla,

and you do not have your hands on the wheel, correct?

Yeah, that's correct. Tatiana's got control.

Tatiana, busting down the highway.

Tatiana's got the wheel. All right, so where do you want to start? Because this is jarring, and I think we've kind of pushed you towards this for years now, and then all of a sudden, what happened? You just woke up, and you're like, hey, today's the day I embrace being a bald guy? I never thought me shaving my head would attract so much attention.
But it was kind of like a combination of things. I got some, I've been getting some peer pressure from Whit and some of the guys, some fellow, some fellow baldies.
And then, dude, I got a barber out here. And every time I go in, I've gone in like six or seven times.
And every time he's like, what do you think? Is today the day we cut it all off? I'm like, no, dude, give me a normal haircut. So I went in the and he's like, what do you think? It's today, today.
Uh, we cut it all off. I'm like, Oh dude,

like give me a normal haircut.

So I went in the other day and he's like, what do you think?

Uh,

shave it off today.

And I was like,

go ahead.

No way.

So what was the first thing you thought when you looked in the mirror and you saw your

new haircut?

Were you happy with it?

Or were you like a little bit like unsure?

I was,

I was unsure going into it.

Um,

but I mean,

in all honesty,

I was kind of just like

Nothing can make this look any worse

So I think anything's a state of favor and upgrade

So there was a theory

That maybe when you had

Your first preseason game this year

And they had the graphic of you

Tossing the ball to yourself

And you couldn't wear a hat

That might have been part of the reason

It pushed you over the edge

I tweeted a picture of it It wasn't the picture. Did that have anything to do with it? Yeah, I mean, you definitely set into some of the peer pressure that's been going on for like four or five years now.
So I think it was just kind of a culmination of a lot of jabs at my hair. So I decided to just shave it off.
Now that you have shaved it off, what has been the reception? Has everyone been – I mean, you sent us a picture. You looked – oh, was that Tatiana? Yeah, that was Tatiana beeping at me.
Reminding you to put your hands back on the wheel or what? By the way, we got to talk about the Tesla for a second. We'll go back to the bald.
When you told us a story about how you bought the Tesla because you wanted to quit dip, I forgot that, like, Teslas, you don't need to drive. They are auto-driving.
So that's actually the greatest car to dip in. Yes, yeah, you kind of get both.
Because it's the greatest car to dip in, but at the same time, you don't ever need to go to the gas station. So if you go to the gas station, you're strictly going to buy this.
Okay, all right. So back to the bald, what has been the reception? Has everyone been like, holy shit, dude, you're hot.
Anyone ribbing you? Because we're firmly of you're hot. Not that you weren't hot, but you're hotter now that you have embraced the bald.
Right. No, I appreciate it.
You know, it's been kind of a mixed bag. Some guys like it.
A lot of people saying how to grow out the beard. I think that might be the next move.

I feel more aerodynamic and really moving better.

So it's definitely helped me there.

Would you say you feel faster?

Yeah, definitely.

That's good.

Have you experienced any issues with facial recognition software on your phone,

like identifying you when you hold it up to yourself?

No, that was the first thing I thought of, too. It was like, damn, is my phone going to recognize me? And it was fine.
Dude, the scariest thing is like out of practice, looking down on the ground and seeing my shadow, and it just looks like a foam. So like when you looked at your shadow beforehand, were you seeing flowing hair? Because it's not like you had that much hair.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, you can't see a receding hairline in the shadow.
You see just a little lettuce, you know, kind of just going different directions. And now I look down and, yeah, it's just completely airless.
Oh, man. What's your shower time situation like? Did you knock a couple minutes off that? Well, I did it quick because it's just Old Spice body wash on the whole body now.
There's no need for even any head and shoulders yeah that's weird i didn't even think about that part like the practical things of hey you don't need shampoo anymore yeah yeah you really uh really saved some money shut up i got it yeah so um was that tatiana you were telling to shut up yeah sorry tatiana's it Blake's Tesla. If anyone didn't understand, it's not an actual person sitting next to him.
But yeah, no, definitely cut back on shampoo costs. Okay.
I love it. So all in all, you're feeling pretty confident out of this.
You think it's new year, new Blake, new hair? Right, yeah. No, it was definitely a long time coming.
So it's time to just embrace it until I find Brian Urlacher's guy and think this is the look. Yeah, then we can do a big reveal on Pardon My Take, and you can do a big ad deal.
So the other part that we thought might have had something to do with it is you obviously were in Jacksonville for your whole career. You come out to L.A.
All new teammates. Did that kind of push you over the edge where people, you know, beforehand they're like, oh, we kind of knew Blake when he had hair, so we're not going to bust his balls too bad.
Then you show up like new school and everyone's like, damn, this guy is still holding on. This is disgusting.
His male pattern baldness is gross. It makes me want to puke in my mouth.
Yeah, there was definitely some of that. Like you said, like I had hair or some hair when I first got to Jacksonville, So it wasn't bad.
Guys kind of saw me struggling through the process. Whereas I showed up out here as the new guy.
And I was just like, wow, the new guy's balding. Like, what's he doing? So, yeah, that played into it.
That was one of the many factors in cutting it all. Did you have any teammates that gave you a hard time for shaving your head? Or was it all just universally Blake Blake, you look like Jason Statham.
We're so glad that you did it.

Yeah, I mean, Jared probably gave me the most shit.

So outside of that, I was all right.

Well, I was going to say,

is Jared worried about his job now?

Because you're a new guy.

Like this is, he had Blake,

the male pattern baldness guy,

puke in my mouth guy show up.

He's like, oh, well, he's not going to take my job. Now it's Blake, Jason Statham.

Wow, he looks so hot. He might take my job.
Yeah, no, I think there's definitely, I would say more so than taking his job, just more of a chance of maybe us getting on the field at the same time for a trick play. Oh, yeah.
Well, I mean, we did show that play to Sean McVay, remember that? Yes. It just looked like a dick.
You guys ran a seam route that looked like you guys were just making a big dick. Yeah.
It looked like a potential big play. Have you been watching Hard Knocks at all? I watched the first episode just because we went up there and practiced against them for a couple days.
I was just trying to kind of get a feel for who they had and kind of what their guys were doing. But I haven't seen the second one.
And then, what, the third one's coming out soon? It's coming out tonight, yeah.

Yeah, so you saw, did you see

that John Gruden used to call

Sean McVay piss boy? Has anyone in the

facility called, tried to throw that

out at him? No,

no, that, uh, I don't think anybody

has said that directly to his face,

but I actually did see that clip.

Has he paid that forward?

Because he tries to be like a little Gruden himself.

I was thinking maybe he's got somebody in the building that he calls Piss Boy now.

Yeah, I don't know.

I haven't heard him actually call anybody Piss Boy

or if there's anybody that's actually in that role.

I don't know.

A little bit at different times.

I think back in the day it was a little more acceptable

to kind of talk like that around the building.

So I think that maybe has changed a bit. Right.
Now you you have to say piss person. Right.
Use the correct pronoun. Right.
Yeah, exactly. We got to include everybody.
Have you found any friends in L.A.? Because when we were last out there, you were eating dinner by yourself, and it was kind of a sad – it was a sad – I felt sad because I love you and I don't want you to be lonely.

I appreciate it.

Yeah, no, it's gotten a little better.

I'm probably getting closer to filling out of MySpace Top 8.

Whoa.

There we go.

I like it.

Have you gotten more attention from either some old flames

or some new ladies ever since you took the hair down,

you got a new look?

Yeah, well, no, I'd say it's been kind of a mixed bag of reviews there. I've gone cold in some conversations, and others have picked up.
Okay. I think what PFT was actually asking was, what does Sophie Julia think about this? I haven't heard yet, so I'm assuming it's negative.
Who's just a friend, by the way, just a friend and a friend of ours as well. Literally a close friend of ours if we go by Instagram.
Right. Yeah, we are.
Are you in the close friends on Instagram? I don't. You guys are pretty tight with her.
Yeah, we're in the close. We get the two podcasts in a row that we shouted out Soph.
Shout out shooting with Soph. Subscribe.
Rate and review. Okay, so do you want to talk any football? How's the football going? I mean, this is training camp kind of sucks, I'm sure, but you guys are winding down getting ready for the season.
Yeah, it's been good. We just got back from Hawaii, played Dallas over there.
So it's going good. You know, preseason games are kind of always entertaining and a bunch of surprises that kind of get thrown out there.
But it's been good so far. We've stayed healthy for the most part, so that's kind of the key getting through it.
And we've got two more to go. Oh, go ahead, Pete.
I was curious if you've gotten hit at all in training camp because I know they try to keep the quarterbacks upright, but I know that you love contact a little bit. So have you been able to stay safe back there? Yeah, yeah.
No, it's been all right um every now and then uh or actually a lot more than every now and then aaron donald gets back there but uh he's pretty good about running by yeah that's good so i forgot i had to ask you todd girley's cat the ad cat so mad uh did you get did you get to meet the hulu watches live sports cat or did you talk to him at him at all? No, I haven't seen it yet. We had a brief conversation about it.
He seemed pretty fired up about it, so I was happy for him. But he's not even keeping it.
Yeah, no, I think it was more just a photo shoot type deal. That sucks.
I'm so mad about that. That's a pretty cool photo shoot.
A fake cat. A quick little Instagram stump pulled by Todd, and I thought it was great.
All right, before we get to the Wikipedia, my last question for you. You promised us that you would get back on Twitter because that's kind of what backup quarterbacks do.
What's up with that? Yeah, it's in the works. I think it will happen here pretty soon.
I'll probably bring the social media back and get back home there. So I just got to kind of sit down and do it, I guess.
If you want us to run your accounts, we will. Yeah, that honestly might be the best idea.
Yeah, we'll do it. Dude, we wouldn't even say that it's you.
It would be awesome if you had a Twitter account and it was just like run by PFT and Big Cat and we just tweeted random things, but everyone knew that it wasn't you.

And you know we wouldn't obviously jeopardize you, but it would be funny if we just had, like maybe we just live tweeted like Rams games.

Either that or not.

And like Blake's looking awesome right now, talking from your own account.

Yeah, yeah.

Like the Mike Grinnell senator account when he was running for president.

Yeah.

Yeah, no, I'm okay with that. Just like in-game live tweeting as I'm standing on the sidelines.
Yes, I like that. And we'll sprinkle in some Wikipedia links too.
Right, and we'll just be like, everyone knows it's not you tweeting, it's us tweeting, but you should follow Blake Bortles for all the relevant Blake Bortles facts. Yeah, no, count me in.
I think it'd be a hit. Okay, all right, we're in.
All right, so let's do it real quick, the Wikipedia hair loss.

I'll start with just the first sentence.

Hair loss, also known as alopecia or baldness,

refers to a loss of hair from part of the head or body.

Typically, at least, the head is involved.

The severity of hair loss can vary from a small area to the entire body.

How's your entire body doing?

Yeah, I mean, the hair on the rest of the body is strong. Okay, good.
I've heard sometimes it even gets stronger as you lose it up top. Yeah.
Oh, here's something on this Wikipedia. Andre Agassi is on here.
We need someone to switch it so it's Blake. Yeah, that picture that my heart kind of sank when I first opened this because I thought that was a picture of me.
Oh. With the one of Andre? We'll get that fixed.
No, the one at the top. Yeah, the one at the top.
There's definitely a resemblance there. We could maybe get somebody to work on that one too.
Yeah, go ahead. That's the view I get when the barber puts the mirror behind me and goes to check out the back.
So there was a diagnosis section, and I wondered how much of this you did. There's the pull test.
You gently pull to see if any hair comes out. There's the pluck test where you pluck them out by the roots to see if they're just falling out.
There's a daily hair count. Wait, how does that work? You just by the root i don't know i don't know i think maybe this is a doctor does this what you it's crazy that you need a doctor to be like hey dude you're going bald what was the test that you did other than just us making fun of you for the last five years um yeah no i thought two so one was the the the white interior on the helmet you just wear a all day, and then you take it off, and you see how much hair is in there.
And then the other is just washing it and then looking at your hands. Okay.
So, you know, both of those were kind of my two. It was like, yeah, this isn't going well.
That's not supposed to be falling out. Yeah.
So over the years when you're doing the white helmet test, you're just monitoring whether or not the amount of hair is increasing? Right, right, You kind of leave it in there and let it build. In what year would you say you realized, okay, this could be an issue? Probably maybe my second year in the NFL.
It's kind of like, yeah, this is going to be a problem. This is going to be tough.
Yeah. It's going to be something we're going to have to revisit here pretty soon.

There was also – where was – oh, that was Tatiana.

What up, what up?

So there was also a part of this – wait, I've got to find it.

Oh, so traction alopecia.

I just wanted to mention this.

This is not for anyone.

It's most commonly found in people with ponytails who pull on their hair with excessive force in addition to rigorous brushing and heat styling. Yes.
Are you worried, PFT? About losing my hair? Because of ponytails. I don't do ponytails.
Okay, that's why. I do the high bun.
Nice. Oh, it also says and high buns.
No, it says cornrows. So I did cornrows once.
Yikes. Probably, yeah, I don't know.
Maybe not going to do cornrows anymore. Yeah.
I'll make it, yeah, okay, that's my resolution. No more cornrows for me.
I feel like Blake would be sick with cornrows. Yeah, dude, I wouldn't mind that.
If I had hair, I would do a lot of funky things. You can get cornrow tattoos.
Ooh. Just get the tattoo haired on.
Yeah. That would be sick.
Yeah,ired on yeah that would be yeah do the boozer you should do the boozer just do the full thing shave the eyebrows and get those tattooed too yeah um there's under under my favorite part of this wikipedia is under management it actually says part of the management you can do embracing baldness instead of concealing hair loss some may embrace by shaving their head. A shaved head will grow stubble in the same manner and at the same rate as a shaved face.
The general public has become accepting of the shaved head as well, though female baldness can be considered less socially acceptable in various parts of the world. That's Sinead O'Connor who made that actually cool, so that's wrong.
But there you go. You are socially acceptable with your shaved head.
head yeah it kind of make it seem like it just recently became acceptable too yeah just you did it yeah you you are the man you destigmatized people going bald thank you yeah it says you can also go with the comb over oh yeah now did you ever consider the comb over because that would have been that would have look. No, no.
I never had enough for the real comb-over. I was more of just, let's just cover this thing up with a hat.
I'm going to say something right now that's probably going to get me in trouble, but shout out my dad. He's been rocking the comb-over for like 10 years.
If it's done well, you can't tell. He just doesn't think it's happening.
Hang on to it. Hang on to it as long as you can.
So I read here, I did not know this, but it says that in men, anywhere between 0 and 78 hairs each day fall out. That seems like a lot.
What? Yeah. No, that's not if you're losing your hair.
That's normal. So it says when more than hundred hairs fall out per day, then that's when you're starting to lose your hair.
Damn. That's wild stuff.
That is wild. Wild.
Confirmed. All right.
I got one last question. It's SeatGeek question.
Put a promo code, take you a $10 off SeatGeek purchase. Have you learned the entire playbook? And is Sean McVay a genius? I would say I know everything that we've put in.
There's obviously still some stuff that hasn't been installed, some game plan-specific stuff. But I get more and more comfortable with everything that's in.
And then I would say, yeah, I mean, he's extremely smart, really good at talking and explaining and coaching. And, I mean, you learn something from just being around him every day.
Any tight end plays in for you? No, no. I stay after practice sometimes and work on my three-point stance and get on the jugs machine and stuff.
So just kind of staying ready in case I get my number called. I like that.
You guys should definitely run the Philly special at one point this year.

That would be amazing, wouldn't it?

Yes, it would.

At that point, that's the pinnacle of the Blake Twitter account when that happens.

Oh, I did it live tweeted by you guys on that one too.

It'd be so amazing.

There's one other option, though, if you're losing your hair,

but like nobody, only probably losers would ever do this one,

and that's the surgery to get new hairs transplanted. transplant you got to be a vain narcissistic loser big loser to do that huge loser yeah definitely just you got to just own it it's not like you can really do anything about it so right yeah right and then you can't everybody especially can't say that you have surfer hair if you get uh surgery exactly right no if you have fake hair have fake hair, that's like the opening line of the statement.
Like, this isn't my real hair. This is post-surgery.
Just let everybody know it's not your actual flow. Exactly.
It's like trying to become a porn star after you get a fake dick. Right.
Can't do that. You can't do it.
Yeah. All those guys have fake dicks.
Everyone knows. Yeah.
All right, Blake. Well, thank you for joining us.
This is, I think I was more excited than you were. I was freaking out.
You were on the plane to Hawaii, and I was like, dude, you got a call. You're like, I'm on a plane to Hawaii.
But I was, it was a huge night. It was a huge night.
Hey, man, I'm glad you guys shared my excitement. No, you really do look good.
That's the first thing that we said when we saw the picture. You look hot.
You look great, Blake. Just make sure to use sunscreen on your head.
Yeah, you truly are the embodiment of Hot Boy Summer. Yeah, yeah.
No, I get a good base burn, and then I'll kind of just pan it from there. I love it.
Okay. All right.
Thanks, Blake. Talk to you later, man.
That interview with Blake Bortles was brought to you by MeUndies. That's right.
MeUndies is here to change your underwear. Not literally, but it's here to change the way you think about it.
They believe undies shouldn't take themselves too seriously. They also believe that undies should be soft, fit every booty like it was made for every booty, and offer fun patterns that give you the freedom to express yourself.
And MeUndies also has new women's underwear. They believe every woman should have the freedom to wear whatever cut they want and whatever color they want and whatever size they want.
So ladies rejoice. The Feel Free collection is here.
MeUndies size tested these five new silhouettes on every single body type with an ultra soft feather light waistband that provides zero restrictions. These undies will be the best thing that has ever been on your body.
Offered in sizes extra small to 4XL, they've got a size for everybody. The new feel-free collection offers an ultra-soft waistband.
It maximizes comfort. It's got a weightless feel.
It's designed with you in mind. And new prints drop every Tuesday.
So undie exhaustion is a thing of the past. MeUndies offers a flexible membership that is styles for both men, women, matching your boo, and even matching your dog.
They don't have just undies, people. They've also got super soft and comfy onesies and loungewear, perfect for lounging.
I love my MeUndies. I'm actually wearing them right now because I'm not rocking my bird dogs.
I'm wearing my athletic shorts, my gym shorts today. I've got MeUndies on underneath.
All winter long, if you catch me in a pair of jeans and sweatpants, you're catching me in a pair of MeU these. Me and these has a great offer for my listeners for any first time purchasers, you get 15% off and free shipping.
It's a no brainer. They have a hundred percent satisfaction guarantee.
So to get your 15% off your free shipping and your satisfaction guarantee, go to me on these.com slash take that's me on these.com slash take all That's MeUndies.com slash take. All protein bars generally taste the same, but not one bars.
One made protein bars are actually delicious with Reese's and Hershey's. Only one Reese's peanut butter lover's protein bar is made with Reese's peanut butter and only one Hershey's cookies and cream protein bars is made with Hershey's cookieits while delivering 18 grams of protein and 3 grams of sugar.
One Bars are the perfect protein bar to get you through your busy day, whether you need a quick pick-me-up between meetings or you need some fuel to power you through your next workout. One also has other delicious flavors like birthday cake, maple glazed donut, and blueberry cobbler.
Find all One Bars at a retailer near you or on amazon.com okay let's get to some segments first up we have hurt or injured ronda rousey what happened i just saw you you were just like ah gross here's exactly what happened it looks like she was fingering a drugs machine because i looked at the picture on Instagram. Yeah.
And it's just, I'll put it this way. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers probably have strong interest in signing her as a pass rusher.
So she, a boat door on her finger? She got her finger shut in a boat door and her finger basically came off. Okay.
I like looking at gory injuries. It's fucked up.
I like puke videos, whatever. But getting something slammed, maybe you slammed your finger in a car door really hard.
It is the worst. Yeah.
The worst. Probably the worst pain of all time.
It's awful. Somebody send that picture to Pro Football Doc and see like, hey, is she okay? Is this a sprain? Is she going to be okay? Yeah.
She'll be be fine um two to four weeks it is one of those injuries that when you look at it is it's just revolting i almost threw up yeah when i looked at it i saw yeah you you were just like oh oh oh i can't do it is that like kind of it wasn't like that i would i mean i knew i could do it but i was just like yeah you saw it i saw it was gross but is is that an advantage if you're uh if you're a boxer or not a boxer probably, but I was just like, it's gross. Yeah, but you saw it, and you're just like, damn.
I saw it. It was gross.
But is that an advantage if you're a boxer?

Or not a boxer, probably, but if you're a UFC fighter,

you're not allowed to eye gouge.

You're not allowed to fishhook anymore.

True, true.

And guess what?

She's not MMA anymore, right?

Oh, that's right.

Yeah, she's WWE, right?

So she's fine.

She's totally fine.

Unless it's her middle finger, and she's like stone cold,

where she flips everybody off. Right.
Then it could be an issue. Then it will be a big issue.
Hank, you just sent us something. What are people mad about? Breaking moves? Breaking moves.
People are mad. Online.
The Mets tweeted out a video of a fan reaching over the appropriate, like whatever, like, what do you call those things? Railings, if you will, to catch a foul ball so that the Braves player couldn't catch it, which is illegal, and the thing got kicked out for it, but the Mets tweeted it with, like, best fans in baseball, and people are mad the Mets are promoting. Yikes.
Yeah, that's the Cardinals fans, too. Yeah.
Everybody knows that. Stolen valor for the Cardinals.
Yep. Joe Buck is going to come kick your ass.
That was actually the Mets playing the Indians. So, wow, Hank.
Is it the Braves? It was a quick look. Yikes.
Yeah. Big mistake.
Big yikes. That breaking moves is brought to you by Built with Chocolate Milk.
Oh, fuck. They took the sign down.
Oh, no. Oh, no, Hank.
By the way, we're soundproof now. We'll say it at the top of the show.
So, this is just time traveling. Built with Chocolate Milk brought to you by Built with Chocolate Milk.
Thanks to Built with Chocolate Milk for giving us Built with Chocolate Milk. And for maybe also buying Hank and Kat.
The real cover that tastes real good. Yeah, yeah.
That was it? Yeah. Okay, great.
Let's do our PMT Sports Biz Minute with Jake Marsh. Good morning.
This is Jake Marsh with the PMT Sports Biz Minute. We've made it.
Week zero in the college football season is here. The headliner, the Florida Gators, the Miami Hurricanes, Saturday night in Orlando.
The word zero has a few origins. One of them coming from Italian mathematician Leonardo Pisano, a.k.a.
Fibonacci. Other words for zero include not, nil, zilch, zip, and of course, love.
How ironic. The week with a number that represents nothing actually gives us everything but that.
An in-state rivalry, the beginning of the fall, bets to win but more to lose, and all the other baggage that comes with this beautiful sport. Football is back.
One of the biggest faces in cereal is taking over college football.

The Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl is now a thing and will start up on New Year's Eve.

In 1952, Tony edged out Katie the Kangaroo, Elmo the Elephant, and Newt the New to become the official Frosted Flakes mascot.

That's our PMT Sports Minute, Mr. Cat, Mr.
Commenter.

Back to you.

Thanks, Jake. Thanks, Jake.
That was so cool. Yeah, that was very cool.
How about some talking soccer? MLS rivalry week. It's MLS rivalry week.
That was talking soccer. Okay.
I just know that, like, I'm juiced up. Are you guys juiced up? Of course.
I mean, who can forget? I have no idea. New York versus New York.
Atlanta versus Orlando.

It's got to be New York versus Boston probably, right?

No.

You've got to go.

It's a derby, Hank.

I think it's actually New York, D.C.

No, it's D.C. Marvel.

Yeah, that's true.

Spider-Man's gone.

But yeah, who could forget rivalry?

Well, I do know it's Seattle-Portland because they play each other like 10 times a year.

Fire?

Okay.

That's Chicago.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Chicago-Fire.
And then give us all the rivalries. Minnesota versus Kansas City.
We don't have to do this. Sorry, that was talking soccer.
All right, trouble in paradise. Dallas.
Before we get to guys on chicks. Trouble in paradise.
Zeke Elliott's mad at Jerry Jones. Because Jerry Jones said, Zeke who? And Zeke said that's very disrespectful.
It was disrespectful by Jerry Jones. And furthermore, they just signed, what's his name, Jalen Smith to an extension.
Yes. Man, if I was Zeke, I'd be pissed off about that too.
Sit out. Man, Zeke, man, all this disrespect being thrown your way by Jerry Jones.
You don't have to take it, Zeke. It's kind of a bad look, though, to be like, I can't believe that he said Zeke who.
I mean, that's like that's kind of a funny thing to say by Jerry Jones, isn't it? Zeke who? Yeah, Zeke who? I don't know who Zeke Oli is. Yeah.
I mean, this is Jerry Jones negotiating in the public. Yeah.
This is what he does. He's not drunk.
He wasn't drunk when they asked him that. Or maybe he was blackout drunk and he actually forgot who Zeke was.
Do you think of Zeke Oli is going to sit out at all? No. I don't either.
I don't think that he will. I don't think so either.
Well, where is he now? He's in Cabo? Cabo. It's tough when Cowboys go to Cabo.
Can you believe a Dallas Cowboy would go to Cabo before a game? Damn. All right, let's do guys on chicks.
Let's wrap it up. Sup, boys, especially tall PFT.
Nice. I don't know who that person's talking to that was really nice they put an emoji i'm trying to i work in a sports-related field where my department is male-dominated for example there's one guy who calls me by the wrong name and now all the guys consistently call me by the wrong name because they think it's funny how do i get them to stop and make sure i insert my dominance uh call them all chad yeah you can oh that's good yeah call them chad brad our incels yeah oh yeah yeah you'd love to you'd love to fuck this you incels yeah you guys are all in the friend zone little incel bitches or you could just cry yeah you could that's actually great you can always just cry you can just cry and then guys will change their behavior they they probably have a crush on you? I would say so.
If they're basically grade school bullying you? Yeah, are they pulling your hair? Are you actually in seventh grade? Because they might like you. Yeah, that might be the case.
Yeah, call them Chad and Brad. Own them.
Hey, guys, especially Daddy Cat. I have an important question.
My boyfriend of five years just recently moved seven hours away. We're trying to keep things fun from a distance.
As a guy in a committed long-distance relationship, what would you like to receive from a girl to keep you content and satisfied until you can see her again? I love that you're so about this internet life that everything's content instead of content. I know.
It is tough. It is tough.
Gold membership. But, yes, we talk about content all the time yeah gold membership to to barstool sports and gold membership to browsers you decide which one you want to buy first double gold i like that yeah it's like you can either be watching videos or getting content and being content you should get his mom a sex toy that's good uh send him letters do be one of those hipster people he'll never open show up in six months and be like, did you get my letters? And he'll go into a stack of unopened mail and be like, oh.
But dude, you hear about that all the time where they're like, well, we were away for a year, so we went offline and we wrote letters. Yeah, good point, Hank.
I think that nowadays if the post office notices somebody receiving an abnormal amount of letters, they just report that person to the FBI. I'm just saying letters, baby.
Write a love letter. See how it goes.
We appreciate your business, but we have to flag this. Listen, you write a love letter, he's either all in or all out.
If he's like, that was weird, don't ever do that again. Break up.
Seal it with a kiss. I don't know how you do that.
Some lipstick. Yeah.
Anything else? I don't know. Skype? Yeah, just a lot of nudes, really.
Skype it. don't know how you do that Some lipstick Yeah Anything else? I don't know Skype

Yeah just a lot of nudes

Skype it

Don't do

No but don't do too many nudes

Because guys are dicks

I watched Euphoria

I did

All the girls just did nudes

And then they just ended up on

Oh really?

No nudes

Don't do nudes

Actually that's good advice Leave them wanting more I watched Euphoria Synopsis of that show. I mean, is that not what happened, Hank? Literally.
Every single girl had sex and boom, next thing you know, there's a sex tape out there. It's the way you said did nudes.
Hey, Big Cat and PFT. I'm 34 and I'm a dad.
My boyfriend and I are huge fans of the show. and after last Friday's episode where you revealed Blake's new haircut, I was anxious to see how he looked.
After seeing the picture, I stated I thought he looked extremely handsome, and my boyfriend got offended. Is this something I should be concerned about, or is it just common knowledge that a bald Blake is better than a Blake with a full head of hair? It's common knowledge that just everybody in the world is intimidated by Blake Bortles.
Yes. Because he's a good-looking guy.
A really good-looking guy. And he's rich and successful and lives in L.A.
and drives a Tatiana. Yeah.
He drives a Tatiana. Well, it also doesn't dip as much.
I would imagine your boyfriend has male pattern baldness and he's like, shit. So, yeah, I should have done this.
Yeah. So, yeah, if you're in that situation, you have to be first to market with a bald head.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Big time. Sup, PMT boys, especially hot boy summer PFT.
Oh. Sup.
My boyfriend and I had an argument this week about whether or not it's okay to pee in pools like people do in the ocean. Are you kidding me? I have never done it in my entire life and he thinks it's the most convenient thing ever.
Yes. I think it's gross and unsafe.
What are your thoughts? Does he need to stop peeing in the pool? If you don't pee in a pool, you're unsafe. Yes, exactly.
Pee actually makes a pool safer. Because there can be too much chlorine in there, and pee is sterile, and so it waters it down a little bit.
No, but seriously, I have been watching Mindhunter, so I'm sort of in the FBI. No serial killers.
Serial killers, they've had trauma when they were little kids. They skin cats.
They have abusive know, are abusive relationships, and they get out of the pool to go pee.

All facts.

That's it.

These are all straight-up facts.

Here's some more facts.

You're more likely to injure yourself getting out of a pool and getting back in than you are if you just stay in the pool and pee.

True.

So, I mean, unless you want to break his neck, that might be something that you're into.

Also, peeing when you're wet standing in a bathroom is gross yeah that's gross it feels gross also and when you take a shit that's the worst i mean when you're wet and you have to take a shit you do you poop in the pool in the pool yeah i'm going to get a pool just so i can have poop in it just basically outdoor toilet yeah it's a toilet i mean birds you already have that birds use it as a pool But seriously, when you think about it, if you walk through the house after being in a pool, you're creating an enormous slip and fall hazard. Facts.
Like, if you have children or you have the elderly or both around and you're tracking water through the house, you're basically putting a gun to their head. Yep.
So pee in that pool. You take your piss inside that pool.
Also, dude, break up with your girlfriend. She's a weirdo.

Yeah.

This is very strange behavior to ask you.

What's the next thing?

Like, don't pee in the bed?

Make sure she's still subscribed, though.

Last question.

Sup, boys?

I've been seeing my boyfriend for a year and a half.

Until recently, I thought we were a pretty normal college couple.

Last week, he gave me a promise ring.

When I gave him a weird look, he said it's not that kind of promise ring ring so I'm hoping you guys can clear up what kind of promise ring it could be no he's definitely right go yeah so he got you he got you a promise ring but then he would when you said like this is weird he was like uh psych it's like it's a classic joke guys do a psych on an engagement ring all the time how how long are how long have you a half. Yeah.
A college couple. If you're over a year, I don't think you can get any kind of jewelry that you can put on your hand without it being the ring.
Yeah. I feel like that's kind of the cutoff.
Also, getting a ring in college. Like, what are you doing? Also, getting a promise ring.
What are you doing? Yeah. Listen, it's 2019.
What promise ring is just that? Unless it's a mood ring. I was into mood rings a couple years ago.
Promise ring just means that you're going to marry them eventually.

Yeah.

So an engagement ring?

No, it's a promise I won't cheat on you.

It's a promise we're going to get married as soon as I figure my shit out.

Yeah, as soon as I have enough money to buy you a real ring.

As soon as I promise as soon as I get the courage to marry you, I'm going to ask you

to marry me.

Yeah.

So this person was just, the guy was just feeling like super anxious.

No, he just fucked up.

No, he was just, he's just a moron.

Yes.

He, he, yeah, he gave a, he's just a moron yes he yeah he gave a he brought a promise ring to a wedding ring party yeah and she's like no this isn't gonna cut it buddy he he entrapped himself here's what you have to do get her pregnant that's the ultimate promise ring or an std get contract an std from or a dog get a dog together get a dog together that's a promise that you'll stay together speaking of last one sup boys especially all of you that's nice my boyfriend will not stop with his over top obsession of us getting a golden retriever if he sees a couple in public with one he'll literally try and have me guilt them into agreeing how do I convince him to adopt on shop and get me an pup? P.S. He's in the AWL, so hit him hard.

Okay, get the fucking dog.

And here's why you should get it, because golden retriever puppies are incredibly cute.

But don't shop.

Adopt.

Clear the shelters.

Hashtag clear the shelters.

We save lives on this show.

Yes, we do.

One time I screwed this guy over so bad on the street because it was him and his girlfriend.

And his girlfriend was like, tell my husband that we need to get an English Mastiff just like this. And I was like, yeah, dude, you got to get it.
He was like, dude, fuck, come on. And I was like, it's great.
He's a great dog. And he was not prepared to go from like zero dog to 160 pound dog.
Sorry. Sorry, dude, if you're out there.
My bad. Yeah, that's fucked up.
But yeah, I'm cool with dog shaming people and being like, hey, this is awesome. You should get a dog.
How many people have you talked to who are like i got a dog and it sucked yeah no one regrets a dog no no ever that's facts what what do you what was that i wrote joey porter what what are you saying michael vick actually no no he regret michael vick regrets getting two dogs right because then that ruined his career yeah the first dog he was good right then he was like this is awesome i love it so much oh shit who else were you talking about nothing you're talking about someone specifically so you regret someone regrets getting a dog all right that's our show who regrets getting a dog hank i don't know hank oh are you talking no dude that I don't know what you're talking about.

I'm not talking about anything.

I'm not talking about anything.

Oh, man.

That's fucked up.

Oh, Hank, that's fucked up.

Hank, come on.

Love you guys.

Love you guys. Stay insane anyway.
Today is another day.

Check out any new song.

I'll be coming for your love again. Take on me.

Take on me.

Take on me.

Take on me.

Take on me. Oh, here we go.
Here I take on you. It's a needless state presented by Barb Stool Sports.