Blake Bortles, Mt Rushmore Of Athletes We Thought Would Be Better, And Hard Knocks

Speaker 1 Hey, pardon my take, listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.

Speaker 3 Man, I'll tell you what, when you're hungry out there, you start acting like a rookie quarterback in his first game, making bad decisions, messing up the basics, being all out of sorts.

Speaker 3 That's where Snickers comes in, man. That thing is packed.
Roasted peanuts, nugget, caramel, milk chocolate. It's like the MVP of candy bars.

Speaker 3 And when you bite into it, boom, it sorts you out, gets your head back in the game of life, satisfying your hunger. Remember this: Snickers handles your hunger so you can handle everything else.

Speaker 3 Snickers satisfies, man. That's a winning play.

Speaker 5 On today's part in my take, we have the boat.

Speaker 1 Blake Bortle's newly shaved head. We talk to him about what went down.
We have a Wikipedia club hair loss. We also have Hard Knocks episode three.

Speaker 1 Yes. Three.
Review

Speaker 1 Hot Sea Cool Throne and the Mount Rushmore of Guys We Thought Were Gonna Be Better. The guys you convinced yourself this is going to be the superstar for my team.
And then.

Speaker 1 Before we do all that, though. Hey, it's PFT here, reminding you that Boars Head makes game day entertaining elevated and effortless.

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Okay, let's go.

Speaker 1 Now in the streets, there is violence.

Speaker 1 And then I love the song of work to be done.

Speaker 1 Low place to hang out, no washing.

Speaker 1 And then I can blame all on the sun. Oh, no, we're gonna rock down to electric avenue.

Speaker 1 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're gonna rock down close to electric having a bunch of people. It's part of my tape presented by Bar School School.

Speaker 5 Welcome to Part of My Tape presented by the Cash App.

Speaker 1 Go download it right now. Use code Barcel.
You get $5 for yourself, $5 to ASPCA. Today is Wednesday, August 21st.

Speaker 1 Whoa,

Speaker 1 Sunday night.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 Sunday night. Is that the old one or the new one? No.
Okay, that's the new one.

Speaker 1 I've been waiting all day, is the new old one. Okay.
So, what was old is now new again.

Speaker 1 And I just fell in love with the new old one. Exactly.
It's like next year they're going to get rid of the NFL 100 logo after everybody falls in love with it. You've been in love with it.

Speaker 1 And you get a tattoo. Yep.
Yeah, so that was big news, but let's talk about hard knocks. The John Gruden episode.
John Gruden leads the league in being pumped. The Frank Caliando John Gruden episode.

Speaker 1 This was the episode we wanted where it was just so much Gruden, and I fucking love him.

Speaker 1 I'm switching. I'm switching.
We make fun of John Gruden. We make fun of the Raiders.
The whole $100 million contract. I have switched.

Speaker 1 I want John Gruden to succeed because we need him in our lives for as long as possible. Him just

Speaker 1 throwing in swear words that made no sense. What did he say to Glennon? Fucking neck, man.

Speaker 6 That was a great shit drive.

Speaker 1 That was a great shit drive, man. I can't believe that John Gruden went how many years on Monday Night Football without dropping an F-bomb? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Considering how often he does it in hard hard knocks, just in his regular vernacular? They don't even make sense.

Speaker 1 Nope. Just put fuck in there and it becomes a football guy saying.
Great shit drive, Glennon, man.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, it was the Gruden episode. It's great.
Like,

Speaker 1 every single play, no matter what, he acts like he has an orgasm. Yeah.
You know how we talk about Nick Sabin never coming? He never allows himself to nut unless he wins the national championship.

Speaker 1 Then he gets one, and then it's back to recruiting. Yes.
John Gruden is the exact opposite. He's like Nick Sabin, like if he did Tantric play call.

Speaker 1 When he does that thing where he's got a little belly now and he like went belly to belly with Antonio Brown and you're just like,

Speaker 1 are they about to fuck? Like he's like, yeah, we'd love to have you out here, man. And like just like kind of, kind of, kind of almost like foreplay with his belly.

Speaker 1 And it was just, it was the tension just was rising in the room. And that's John Gruden.
And that's how football coaches get close to their players.

Speaker 1 You ever see the movie Cone Heads where they had intercourse by rubbing heads? Yes. That's what a football guy does.

Speaker 1 He just rubs his belly on you and that's how he lets you you know that he loves you.

Speaker 1 The other key to John Gruden being a football guy, when he had to talk to Drew Rosenhaus, he looked like he wanted to be anywhere else on the planet. Doesn't have anything.
Fuck this guy.

Speaker 1 I don't want to be here. I don't want to hear about Antonio Brown's helmet.
I am, officially as well, so sick of Antonio Brown's helmet. Yeah, sick of the helmet, but in love with the jumpsuit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, in love with the jumpsuit, in love with the booming on his pads. But the helmet gate, holy shit, I am now on Mike Mayock's side.
Just decided, dude. I'm sick of talking about it.

Speaker 1 Like, the whole episode, he was with the team, and then right at the end, he's like, oh, yeah, he's not here. It's so stupid at this point.
I'm sick of it.

Speaker 1 Just either find a helmet, don't play with a helmet. I don't care.
We might riot if he continues to do the helmet stuff. I absolutely don't know.
I like that. We riot if he continues the helmet stuff.

Speaker 1 It is kind of annoying because it's like one of those things where you look out, and Mayoc said it. There are 89 other guys out there that are playing.
It's just the dumbest story at this point.

Speaker 1 I thought it was a fun story when it happened when that first Mike Silver had that first tweet thread, you're like, this is ridiculous.

Speaker 1 And you were hoping maybe it would be like a two, three day story that would get us a little bit closer to football. We're on what, week two now? Week three of this?

Speaker 1 It's exhausting, and I'm sick of it. It is.
Do you think that when Frank Caliendo was doing his impression of Gruden in front of the team, Mark Davis thought that he was doing an impression of him?

Speaker 1 Yes, definitely. I think so.
He's like, Yeah, this guy's awesome. I do be sound like that sometimes.
That is awesome.

Speaker 5 Yeah, this is good job, bro.

Speaker 1 Try to dap him up. Yeah, Frank says, What are you doing? That's perfect.

Speaker 1 Other notes, we had Luke Wilson, our guy, Luke Wilson, one of the best,

Speaker 1 all-time most random, but best recurring guests when he told the story about the Seattle Super Bowl and the locker room after. His review of the Golden Gate Bridge, pretty cool fucking bridge.

Speaker 1 Yeah, even though he's seen bridges before. This is not his first bridge.

Speaker 5 No, even he's got to take his hat off.

Speaker 6 Well, that's what he was like, I grew up in a town with a bridge, so I didn't think I'd be excited to see another bridge.

Speaker 1 That goes like spits in the face of the old saying, when you see one one bridge you see them all yeah uh that's not a true saying anymore golden gate bridge it hits different pretty cool fucking bridge it was yeah he's uh he's kombucha rob gronkowski yes he's indemnk that that hair too is so good i know so good and uh we also had our hard knocks player that everyone's gonna draft late in their fantasy league because we get sold on it or he might just get cut and everyone has a tear jerker uh it's the devin kajusti award so it is uh what was the guy's name i already forgot Waller.

Speaker 1 Darren Waller? Yes, you sound pretty. Darren Waller.
Darren Waller. No, no, I wrote a note down.
Well, he, yeah, he's

Speaker 1 had like a bunch of substance abuse issues in the past.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I slipped in my Luke Gold real quick. But

Speaker 1 probably not a great choice of words for the announcer to be like, everyone's real high on Darren Waller this year. Bill Walton was announcing, so.
That's true. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But yeah, otherwise, pretty entertaining episode. Yeah, I thought it was pretty good.
It was pretty good. It was good to hear Uncle Brent's voice, too.
Always.

Speaker 1 When they were playing against the Cardinals, he was probably up there in the booth scoping out Cliff Kingsbury's wife.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go with

Speaker 1 3.5 balls. That's a strong balls rating.
Yeah, yeah, actually, not a strong balls. You don't think that's a good balls rating? Out of five?

Speaker 6 That's seven out of ten balls.

Speaker 1 It's like a seven.

Speaker 1 Now you're doing

Speaker 1 multiple. No, it's 3.5 out of 5.
Five balls. But Hank's right with the math.
I get it, but I don't like it. It's a five-ball scale.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 What did you give balls-wise?

Speaker 6 I was cracking up the whole time. I'd probably give it like a 4.4 balls.

Speaker 1 Whoa. 4.4 balls.
That was one of the most entertaining episodes of Hard Knocks. Four balls for me.
Four balls? All right, so then we average out to about a little

Speaker 1 tick under four balls.

Speaker 1 There we go. Yeah, an epididymis under four balls.
3.99 balls. That sounds good.
That's pretty strong. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Other big NFL news today. Oh, yeah.
Our guy Baker.

Speaker 1 Back in the news. So we have sworn an oath to defend Baker against enemies foreign and domestic.
Yep. And he did an interview with GQ,

Speaker 1 Clay Skipper, the author. You might remember him from, he did a

Speaker 1 thing about us a couple years ago. Remember that? Yes.
And that's what we know Clay Skipper for, and that's it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so he got Baker to sit down in a restaurant. They were talking about Daniel Jones or talking about other quarterbacks.
And Baker said some things that might have come off to be

Speaker 1 kind of saying towards Daniel Jones. But

Speaker 1 I'm just saying, I think that that's the type of quarterback that you want on your team, the guy that thinks that he's the shit.

Speaker 1 Here's the thing I don't understand about this whole entire controversy or whatever the the fuck you want to call it. Because listen, Baker was probably misquoted.
And if he wasn't, we stand by it.

Speaker 6 He was misquoted and he used the Barstow Sports Instagram page to shout that out. So thank you for that.

Speaker 1 Okay, so great. So boom, he was misquoted.
But let's say he wasn't misquoted. Okay, let's just go under that hypothetical.
He said nothing different than everyone else in the entire world.

Speaker 1 And I get it. Yeah, it's Baker, so it's different because it's not a talking head.
But everyone has spent the last five months shitting on Daniel Jones. And Daniel Jones is used to it at this point.

Speaker 1 He's just literally been getting shat on. And guess what? Baker just added on.
He was the last one to do it. And you know what? Baker probably is friends with Daniel Jones and was motivating him.

Speaker 1 That's true. He was probably being a good buddy.
It was really nice. And then Daniel Jones had the most Daniel Jones response of all time.
He basically said, I appreciate Mr.

Speaker 1 Mara for giving me the opportunity to learn behind Eli Manning and the entire Giants organization in our very boring shade of blue pants. Yeah.
So good job, Daniel Jones.

Speaker 1 I don't, I mean, so are we missed? Are we saying misquoted? misquoted officially misquoted out of context. Okay

Speaker 1 so we're not even hate Daniel Jones anymore. He was misquoted out of context.
Guess what? It was crazy that they drafted him with a six pick. We all thought that it is.
We all said it.

Speaker 1 Doesn't mean he can't be good. Baker's just being a normal guy just like the rest of us.
And you know what?

Speaker 1 Like when we swore to protect Baker, I don't think we realized how full-time of a job that we did. Oh my God.
Yeah. I mean it's every single day.
I don't mind it.

Speaker 1 It's a great part of my job, but I feel like we should outsource something. We should get a a Russian troll farm to just

Speaker 6 handle our light work.

Speaker 1 Like if it's Coward,

Speaker 1 there's no political candidate in the United States that needs a troll farm of Russian internet accounts more than Baker Mayfield does. Yeah, let's get it going.
Go after Coward.

Speaker 1 I'm sure he said something. I don't even care.
He did point. Yeah, so Coward is just using that as a hobby work.
Who cares? Who cares?

Speaker 1 Stanley, who cares? Yeah, I had a thought this weekend.

Speaker 6 I mean, foreshadowing, and that's basically you guys in like 10 minutes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's true, because we're taping the beginning of the show after we taped the rest of the show. Oh, that's a good point.

Speaker 1 That was a Mike Francesca quote, by the way.

Speaker 1 I don't, I do care about anything. Stan Lee.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 7 No, I care.

Speaker 1 I care about Stan Lee. Yeah.
And Baker. And Baker both.
I care about everyone. Everyone.
All God's children I care about. Just not Colin Coward.
Yeah. No, fuck that guy.
No. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Before we do Hot Sea Cool Throne.

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Speaker 1 Okay, let's do our hot seat cool throne. Hank.

Speaker 6 My hot seat is Kenny Stills. Who? Dolphins wide receiver.
He came out on Monday or Tuesday, and he kind of came out a little critical of Jay-Z and the whole partnership with the NFL.

Speaker 6 Today, his coach, Brian Flores, played eight Jay-Z songs in a row during practice.

Speaker 1 Whoa. And no Beyonce? No Beyonce.
That's problematic right there. Whoa, did you play any Steven Ross raps?

Speaker 6 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Oh, he's pretty good. That's Steven Ross.
I saw Mike Florio tweet out that Stephen Ross is out of the social justice working group. I didn't even know that was a category at Westminster.

Speaker 1 He got kicked out. Yeah.
He got kicked out. He's no longer certified by the AKC.
That's right. Yeah.
So what are your thoughts on this, Hank?

Speaker 6 I just feel like it's a bad sign if you come out and say something and then your coach's response is to basically troll you. I'm not talking about the whole issue, all that bullshit.

Speaker 6 I'm just saying, like, if your head coach sees you, like, talking out to the media and then he gets so upset with that that he basically trolls you, that's not a good sign.

Speaker 1 It's also just not a sign, not a good sign in general if you're a Miami Dolphins wide receiver. Yeah.
So we could just end the conversation. Could also be just guys being dudes, though.

Speaker 1 Little ball busting. It's funny.

Speaker 6 It's ball busting, but it's like

Speaker 6 you're on the hot seat.

Speaker 6 You've been put on the hot seat. Right.
Like your comments didn't get unnoticed by your coach.

Speaker 1 Correct. People know what's going on.
Or he's just a huge Jay-Z fan.

Speaker 6 Doubtful. Could you just think that?

Speaker 1 Eight in a row?

Speaker 1 I don't know. He's got a lot of hits.

Speaker 7 Yeah, he does.

Speaker 1 Got a lot of hits.

Speaker 6 My other hot seat is.

Speaker 1 Maybe he just did Spotify Radio or whatever. Boom.
Yeah, good point. Good point.
Left it on.

Speaker 6 Well, then it would probably be mixing.

Speaker 1 He just did stuff.

Speaker 1 And people like Jason. True.
He just clicked.

Speaker 6 My other hot seat is Spider-Man. Yeah.
He's out of the MCU.

Speaker 1 Oh, is that a hospital? Was he in trouble? No, it's a universe. Okay, all right.
So what is that? He's out. What is MCU?

Speaker 6 That's the Avengers universe.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 So what is Marvel?

Speaker 1 Why'd he get kicked out?

Speaker 6 Apparently, there's some ownership issues. You know, Sony,

Speaker 6 his rights are owned by Sony, and they're having issues with Disney, and so they're saying that they're not going to let Spider-Man appear in any MCU movies when he's been like the person they've been kind of, he's like their top prospect in the MCU.

Speaker 6 So it's kind of awkward. Got it.

Speaker 1 So I have a question.

Speaker 1 Wasn't the Avengers the last Avengers? Yeah, I thought so. Wasn't that it? I thought they were just like, we're going to agree to not make any more $100 million movies.
Right. To make us all rich.

Speaker 1 To quote

Speaker 1 LaShawn McCoy, didn't Tony Stark die?

Speaker 6 He died, but they basically set up Spider-Man to be the new Tony Stark, like the new guy.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 Is it Toby Maguire? Nope. Damn.
So did Topher Grace

Speaker 1 dead.

Speaker 6 Damn. Tofer Grace is long gone.

Speaker 6 He's two Spider-Man's removed.

Speaker 1 He was the Spider-Man?

Speaker 6 No, but he was the bad guy in one of them. Got it.
But then Andrew Garfield, Spider-Man, came on. He is no longer existing.
That's a made-up name.

Speaker 1 He's just the new guy. Also, Topher Grace.

Speaker 1 He's Villain Garfield. That's not a real person.

Speaker 5 He's a president, right?

Speaker 1 Is that a real person?

Speaker 5 Yeah, he's a president.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 All right. So, got it.
No more Spider-Man.

Speaker 5 No more Spider-Man ever.

Speaker 1 Can't see you.

Speaker 6 No, he'll still be in Sony in Venom.

Speaker 1 I don't. See, now I have no idea what's going on.
Jesus Christ. No idea.
That was... You can't do that.
So, two different companies own Spider-Man at the same time. Spider-Man is

Speaker 1 Leon Sanders. Sony owns Spider-Man.

Speaker 6 Sony owns Spider-Man, and let's say, you know, it's the NFL, and they let him go play in the NBA for a little while, but he's still playing in the NFL.

Speaker 6 Now they're saying you can't play in the NBA, you can only play in the NFL, and that's it. And all the NBA fans are very upset because the NBA is way more popular.

Speaker 1 Spider-Man would suck on the NBA. Come on.
The NBA. Oh, okay.
What are you going to work for the ringer? Be traveling the entire time.

Speaker 6 Okay. And then my cool throne is the Matrix.

Speaker 1 Try establishing a pivot foot if you're interacting. That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 6 My cool throne is the Matrix.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 6 They announced the Matrix 4 today.

Speaker 1 Okay. Keanu? Yeah.
Fuck yes.

Speaker 6 That's one of those movies. I just put that on my cool throne just to say that's one of those movies like Jurassic Park that I've just never seen.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah. So

Speaker 1 that one's fair. I remember vividly Matrix 1 was like life-changing.
Matrix 2, I think I watched in movie in the theaters and it was like, this stinks. And I don't think I saw Matrix 3.

Speaker 6 Which is why it's surprising that 20 years later they've come out with Matrix 3.

Speaker 1 I'll go back for that. Like I'll go back for the nostalgia factor.
Which is the one where they had him meet God? The guy with a beard? Was that

Speaker 1 mad about 2? Yeah, I was mad about when he met God because I was just like, I'm way too high to understand anything that's going on here.

Speaker 5 Why isn't he dodging bullets?

Speaker 1 Exactly. That's what I signed up for.
I hope Matrix 4 just starts out. It should just be John Wick inside a computer.

Speaker 5 I'm I'm cool with that.

Speaker 1 Okay, done.

Speaker 6 Then my other cool throne is crispy chicken sandwiches, something you guys can probably actually relate to, unlike my other three.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Why? Because we like food.
Yeah. Is that a fat comment? Yes.
Okay.

Speaker 5 I've already eaten it.

Speaker 1 What has been going on? Popeyes just came up with a chicken sandwich and now it's on.

Speaker 6 Popeyes came up with a chicken sandwich and then in response to the announcement of the chicken sandwich, Chick-fil-A, you know, got a little cutesy on Twitter.

Speaker 1 Oh, a little Brandoff. Yep.

Speaker 1 Nothing better than a Brandoff. You can't believe

Speaker 1 17 times Chick-fil-A dunked on Popeyes. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Uh-oh.

Speaker 6 Popeyes dunked on Chick-fil-A. Nice.
Chick-fil-A tried to get in the mix, and then Popeyes and just all the fans just dunked on him. When he's got in the mix, there's a social media.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit. The Avengers of Chicken Sandwiches.

Speaker 1 No, not really.

Speaker 1 They're all going at each other. It's like a Royal Rumble of Chicken Sandwiches.

Speaker 6 Shake Shack on the mix.

Speaker 1 They got dunked on by everyone. Shake Shack and get the fuck out of town.
They're not in the same league. Why doesn't Popeyes just market to, hey, we sell chicken sandwiches on Sundays?

Speaker 1 I think they are.

Speaker 1 I think they've started to do that. That would be great if it just became a chicken sandwich off and then Chick-fil-A was forced to sell chicken sandwiches on Sundays.
They'll never do it.

Speaker 1 I don't think they're going to do it. I don't know.
If they're bottom dollar. What about Taco Bell, Hank? Trouble in Paradise.
You guys don't have a chicken sandwich. Not yet.

Speaker 8 A torta?

Speaker 1 A chicken torta? That would be nice. No, here's what you do.
You just buy a shitload of Chick-fil-A sandwiches on Saturday night. Yes.
Hang on to them until Sunday morning.

Speaker 1 Put them inside one of those crunch wrap deals and say, hey, this is our chicken torta. Why don't we do that?

Speaker 1 Why don't we stand outside of Chick-fil-A with a bunch of Chick-fil-A sandwiches we bought the night before on a Sunday when everyone comes through and like, shit, it's close.

Speaker 1 Like, all the stoners are like, shit, it's closed. Hey, dude, we have a $50 Chick-fil-A sandwich for you.
I like it. It's like a lemonade stand for chicken.
Pardon my taste.

Speaker 1 How quickly do you think that would get shut down? Not quickly because they don't have cops around on Sundays. Perfect.
And they have to be very polite to you.

Speaker 1 They say, my pleasure when they serve that. That's true.
They are very nice people.

Speaker 6 Very polite people there.

Speaker 1 Is that it? That's it. Okay.
PFT. Okay.

Speaker 1 Thank you, Hank. Thanks for having me.
Great job. Good job, Hank.
Yeah, Hank. That was awesome.
All right. It's ridiculous that you need approval.
My hot seat, I'm going right into it.

Speaker 1 Greenland is on my hot seat because the president of Denmark just said that it's not for sale.

Speaker 1 See, again, I don't believe it. But everything has a price.
But that's art of the deal.

Speaker 6 Who cares? But if the president of Brazil says it is for sale, like, wait. Does Denmark own Greenland? Yes, yeah, they do.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. They actually do.
Why? You were thinking Portugal. Why? They speak Brazilian in Portugal.
Yeah, no, they do own Greenland.

Speaker 1 It would be like someone trying to buy Puerto Rico, and we're like, not for sale, guys. Yes.

Speaker 1 exactly. Thinks exactly.
I mean, if President Trump wants an island that doesn't support ICE, he should just go for Puerto Rico. Puerto Rico.

Speaker 1 Just convince him that we should buy Puerto Rico. It's just right there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, rebuy Puerto Rico.

Speaker 1 But there are other ways to take over a country besides buying it. Like, fuck it, let's just ride.
A war? What's Denmark going to do to stop us from invading Greenland? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Speaker 1 Yeah. There's probably some treaty that would stop it, but that's a piece of paper.
Yeah, Denmark has bigger fish to fry.

Speaker 6 I have one more question regarding Denmark. Okay, sure.
According to Google, it is the kingdom of Denmark, but the guy goes by the president.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So here's what happened in Europe.

Speaker 1 Like 100%. You got to be king.
So a bunch of countries were like, hey, we shouldn't have kings anymore because it's just about who fucks who.

Speaker 1 And they decided to have presidents, but the kings still hang out and they get to wear crowns and stuff. Like the Queen of England.

Speaker 5 Yeah, Queen of England.

Speaker 6 But there's a president of England as well?

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's a prime minister. It's the Rob Ford guy.
Got it. Yeah, yeah.
All right. Yeah, yeah, Boris.
Any more questions about Denmark? That was kind of fun. Yeah, we broke it down.

Speaker 1 Yeah, actually, we're going to have probably the most famous Denmark citizen on part of my take on Friday. Oh, what a teaser.
How about that? How about that? That one up.

Speaker 1 Well, slash, slash, Greenland. Slash Greenland.
Yeah, yeah. We could probably just buy Greenland from Morton Anderson.
Greenland's own Morton Anderson. Yes, it's going on Friday.

Speaker 1 My cool throne is...

Speaker 1 Well, are we going to get into Todd Gurley's cat, Hank?

Speaker 7 Let's do it.

Speaker 1 Okay, my cool throne is LeBron Lockwood. Yeah.
Because I think what we just found out from Todd Gurley is that you can get a cat and sell ad space on it real easily.

Speaker 1 And Hank seems receptive to the idea of owning a cat if he can get sponsored. So, Hank, I can get money for it.
Yes, so name your price. Because I actually thought about this last night as well.

Speaker 1 If we got a cat named Cash App and it was yours, how much money

Speaker 1 do you need to be paid for Cash App the Cat?

Speaker 1 100K. Whoa,

Speaker 1 that's I don't know.

Speaker 1 How about about 10?

Speaker 1 Okay, let's move that out 25. Just meow.

Speaker 1 $25,000 cash

Speaker 1 in your Cash App. Yeah, now

Speaker 1 you're thinking $20,000.

Speaker 1 $25,000.

Speaker 1 Cash App.

Speaker 1 Cash App, $30,000. Cash App.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Also, pick $10.
Right to your phone. Why are you negotiating over the internet with this? Because Cash App's going to listen.
We should make it higher. Well, I'm doing is good.

Speaker 1 I'm going to put the money. Well, no.

Speaker 1 No, I wanted to just prove that

Speaker 1 $150,000.

Speaker 5 And it's $530 $10,000

Speaker 1 deal. Okay, so you pretty much said that

Speaker 1 you would buy a cat for like $10K. Yep.
Nope. I mean, that's

Speaker 1 this is one of those things where it's like $100K, and then they're like, how about $10? You're like, deal. Here's the thing about Todd Gurley's cat, though.
It's like, fuck you, Todd Gurley. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You've been talking about getting a cat for a year.

Speaker 1 And then you get a fake cat. Yeah.
Whoever. Merkin, a little fake pussy, makes ads out of their content.

Speaker 7 That's fucked up.

Speaker 1 It's disgusting. Yeah.
Like, can you imagine using one of your pets as like a marketing thing

Speaker 1 on Instagram? Starting a bit and then having it become an ad and like naming a whole week after it.

Speaker 1 Like, and then selling grit by the bottle. Or

Speaker 1 sell grit by the bottle. Holy shit.
Just water. Imagine, yeah.
No, it's air fucking water. It's air.
We just go, we're like,

Speaker 1 everyone is year on grit week, like, ooh, here's air from Coach Harbaugh's office. Here's air from

Speaker 1 inside the van. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Coach O breathed a little air in here

Speaker 1 that would be great might get gaffarted into this one boom done sold that one probably wouldn't sell that much because you can get it for free if you just walk around chicago if you just walk behind them like a pooper scooper yes yeah pretty much but that that write that down different coaches airs breath yes

Speaker 1 hot dog breath uh all right anything else that's it okay my hot seats is devin booker so there was a video that was released of a little run over the summer joe kimno and devin Booker.

Speaker 1 So essentially, Devin Booker was mad because Joe Kim Noah sent a double team on him. And Devin Booker was like, hey, we don't double team in open run, and we're working on our game here.

Speaker 1 And Joe Kim Noah, who I love forever, was like, yeah, that's part of the game, dude. Yeah, we do.
Yeah, we do. And it was an awesome clip because it just showed maybe Devin Booker is the S-word, soft.

Speaker 1 And also, he sent Tony Snell as the double team. So it was like, damn, the Bulls are back.

Speaker 1 I'm shocked that Joe Kim Noah is still playing.

Speaker 1 He's ready. Yeah, he is still.
Yeah, he is. He's ready for that New Zealand contract.

Speaker 6 Did you see that Kobe quote?

Speaker 1 Yeah, the Kobe quote was awesome. So Will Conroy said, I remember being with the Lakers in pre-preseason, what's pre-preseason 06.
And during our open runs, we double Kobe constantly.

Speaker 1 Not once did he get mad. Not once did he pass LOL.
Well, yeah, dough. You didn't have to say that.

Speaker 5 You wasted characters.

Speaker 1 Exactly. That has no bearing, even if he was single team.
Yeah, he said, y'all better send three to guard me. By the way, that's the year he had 60-plus and didn't play the fourth against Dallas.

Speaker 5 In that year. In that year.

Speaker 1 Okay. So, yeah, I mean, listen, Devin Booker seems like a nice guy, but that is a soft move.
Joke him, no, I love you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, good rule of thumb is if you're playing in any sort of game, any sort of scrimmage that isn't an actual regular season game for a professional league, just don't complain about shit. Right.

Speaker 1 From the time that you turn like 12 years old, just stop complaining about stuff in practice. But it is crazy that Devin Booker was like, we're here to work on our game.

Speaker 1 What more could work on your game than having a double team? You get double teamed in the NBA. Why wouldn't you want to be double teamed right here? Yeah.
Does Stevin Booker get double teamed? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. He scored.
He fucking lights it up. Okay.
He can score by the bunches. He scored, what? He scored 70? Oh, yeah.
That's true. It's just crazy that he would be upset about something like that.

Speaker 1 You'd think that would make him better. My cool throne is degenerate gamblers.
So Mountain West announced today that Hawaii football games are going to stream live on Facebook. Thank fucking God.

Speaker 1 So, all you degenerate gamblers, the chase game that everyone bets. Hawaii basically has been part of your your life forever.

Speaker 1 I used to do the move where I would follow, like if Hawaii was playing Rice, I would follow Hawaii and Rice's Twitter accounts and then put alerts on and just sit there and wait for them to pop up because the scores wouldn't update if you were looking in a score app.

Speaker 1 So, but now we can watch it. I like that.
And so, what time are those games? When do they start? They're usually at like midnight. Okay, I love that.
I love that. So, you extend the day?

Speaker 1 It's the game that you bet when you've had a terrible Saturday and you're like, let me just try to get one win before Sunday starts.

Speaker 1 Okay, so the way I'm doing the math right now, basically we have like three hours of

Speaker 1 downtime between college football and when the preseason or the pregame shows start on ESPN, like the Sunday

Speaker 1 matchup. You're forgetting about EPL at like 6.30 in the morning.
Oh, yeah, I had an idea about that.

Speaker 1 Like, I just, I love just the hangover reducing qualities of just turning on my TV and seeing grass. Grass is an English accent.

Speaker 1 That helps, but if you just see grass, just green grass on your television, there should be a grass channel for dads.

Speaker 1 Someone tweeted me over the summer, I think it was around Wimbledon time, and it was the most appropriate tweet ever. He said, I'm so hungover, all I want to do is see a ball moving.

Speaker 1 And that's really it. You just want to sit on your couch and just see a ball on your screen go back and forth.
On grass. Anywhere.
Yes, absolutely.

Speaker 1 So excluding that, if we're talking about just football, though, we've got three hours where we can fall asleep.

Speaker 1 I love that. Are we going to be able to watch Army against Oklahoma this year?

Speaker 1 I don't know if they play again, but i just remember last year that's pay-per-view because i watched gambling on that i watched that periscope where it was just the dude the dude's feet for half the time yeah it was crazy was that that was the channel yeah no it was

Speaker 1 a periscope but he just had his feet in the screen the whole time everyone's like dude get your fucking feet out of the out of the thing a periscope of a live event uh-huh the the comment section is such a hilarious spot to be in the comment section and then every now and again the guy turns the phone back on to himself dude promote mixtape yeah bro what are you doing turn up the volume we can't hear yo i didn't i I didn't watch this football game to look at it, dude.

Speaker 1 I fucking love it. I love it.
All right, let's get to our Mount Rushmore. We got a big one here.

Speaker 1 Before we do our Mount Rushmore, though, PFT, I want to ask you a question. What's your favorite vodka? That's easy.
It's New Amsterdam. Yeah, it is.

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Speaker 1 New Amsterdam is slightly sweet on the palate, smooth enough to drink on the rocks, mix it with a juice or a soda, or make a classic New Amsterdam mule.

Speaker 1 New Amsterdam vodka is the official vodka bar of Sule Sports. Get the Pink Whitneys starting September 1st.
Our guy, Ryan Whitney, one of our favorite recurring guests.

Speaker 1 He has his own drink named after him in New Amsterdam vodka. It's a pre-mix vodka and lemonade, and you got got to get it.
Pink Whitney's. So check them out.
Okay, here we go.

Speaker 1 Mount Rushmore of guys we thought were going to be better.

Speaker 1 So this idea came to me when we were talking about Mike Glennon last week, and I was convinced that he was going to be a fantastic Bears quarterback.

Speaker 1 We're like, hey, that one was like just, you had to convince yourself for self-preservation. Going into a season, there are all sorts of lies you need to tell yourself to be an NFL fan.

Speaker 1 So here are the rules.

Speaker 1 We're going to, because otherwise, because, you know, I did a brain dump, and I just basically did like all the Chicago guys that have disappointed me, and it's a long, long list. Obama.

Speaker 1 So, who we're going to do, you can pick two from the teams you root for, and then the other two have to be national. Okay, so it's guys that you are convinced were going to be better than they are.

Speaker 1 There will probably be some crossover with busts, but it's not necessarily a bust. Okay.
All right. Hank, first pick.
Go ahead.

Speaker 6 My first pick, this movie is probably like one of the best documentaries I've ever seen. One of the first documentaries I ever saw made me love

Speaker 6 sports documentaries, sports movies, Sebastian Telfair, Through the Wire.

Speaker 6 I watched that movie. I was like, this kid is going to be.
And also, I was young, and it was like a sports documentary that made him look really good.

Speaker 6 And in my head, I was like, he's skipping college. Like, he's dominating Toyota Howard.
He is going to be

Speaker 6 the greatest NBA player of all time.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 6 That's a good pick. He recently just went to jail, which was sad.
That video of him in court.

Speaker 1 Damn. Why'd you do that? Yeah, tough.

Speaker 1 All right. My first pick,

Speaker 1 I would have put my life, my 20,

Speaker 1 no, my 18-year-old life on this guy being an unbelievable pro,

Speaker 1 Joey Harrington. I was convinced Joey Harrington was going to be so good.
It was right when Oregon became Oregon. They hadn't been that team yet.
He had him on the cover of the NCAA football game.

Speaker 1 I think he lost like two or three games his entire college career. Joey Harrington, in my mind, was like, this guy is going to be incredible because it was also like Oregon, up tempo.
This is all new.

Speaker 1 Who is this guy? He's Joey. Why doesn't he go by Joe? What an idiot.
Joey Jeans. If he was Joey, he was a Harrington.
Yeah, he probably would have been good.

Speaker 1 But yeah, Joey Harrington, I was convinced, was going to be that dude. Yeah, that's a good pick.
I like Joey Harrington a lot, too, when he was going to the

Speaker 1 end. That was great.
And then they got him all these, yeah, the cover. They got him all these weapons at wide receiver.
Yeah. Well,

Speaker 1 I actually have a couple other guys from there. Yeah, you could make a Matt Miller.
Honorable mention, yeah. Yeah, okay.
My very first, I'm going to have to go with the goat, Freddie Adou.

Speaker 1 And we still don't know.

Speaker 5 He still could be great. True.

Speaker 1 He did that commercial with Pele.

Speaker 1 It was at a time when America was really, really desperate for the future of American soccer.

Speaker 1 Because at that point, America was so far in the past that we still hadn't had a future of American soccer yet. But he was the first one.
I went to his very first game for DC United. I was there.

Speaker 1 He got in after like, I don't know, 70 minutes. And I was like, if he's really good, he should probably be starting.
That was my first clue. Yeah.
That maybe he wouldn't be great. He was like 16.

Speaker 1 He was like, yeah, he was like 15 or 16 years old.

Speaker 1 That was

Speaker 1 the start of the long list of guys who were going to save America's soccer. Yes, he was the original one of those.
My second, Big Cat probably has this guy on his list.

Speaker 1 One of the best college running backs I've ever seen.

Speaker 1 Ron Dane.

Speaker 1 Ron Dane, I still think one of these days for the Giants, he's going to suit up and run for 170 yards. He had that Thanksgiving game.

Speaker 1 He had one good game, but with the Texans, I thought he was like the next Bo Jackson. Okay.
I thought he was going to be. Kind of fucked up.
He picked one of my teams. That's fine.

Speaker 1 That's fine.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's fine.

Speaker 1 No, no, I could have. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I could have picked. All right, my second pick, I'm going to go.
I alluded to this because I said this might hurt someone's feelings.

Speaker 1 Not a friend, but a friend of a friend.

Speaker 1 I was big time.

Speaker 1 Greg Odin's better than Kevin Durant. And I was like, how can you pass on a big man this good?

Speaker 1 I think I was probably biased because he played, you know, I watched him play at the Big Ten, and Ohio State and Wisconsin played, you know, twice a year and all this shit.

Speaker 1 I would have put everything on Greg Odin being that block he had, I think it was in the tournament, maybe, I can't remember. It was like the final four.
Not to make any words.

Speaker 1 Where it was just like, holy shit, this guy can do everything.

Speaker 6 Yeah. They needed to win that national championship.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they did. Well, that national championship is like the number one.
I'm so mad that

Speaker 1 NCAA basketball has the five-foul rule because remember, Joe Kim Noah and Greg Oden had like two quick fouls and they didn't play the first half?

Speaker 5 Like, why are we watching this?

Speaker 1 Hand up. I agreed with you on that draft.
Oh, yeah. I was like, you got to take Odin.
You got to take that.

Speaker 5 Kevin Durant gave me a bench.

Speaker 1 And also, like, in the back of your head, you still had a dominant big man like Shaq exact you all the way. So you're like, exactly.
This is the next evolution.

Speaker 1 I didn't know that Steve Kerr was going to come in and fuck everything up for everybody. Right.
But yeah, and when he had his hand injury, his wrist injury, I was like, oh, this is a fluke. He's fine.

Speaker 1 He's fine. I don't care that he's shooting foul shots with his offhand.
Yep. It'll be fine.
He's going to be healthy. He looks like Abraham Lincoln.
Big men this skilled never fail. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 I think I said that to myself.

Speaker 1 Kevin Durant couldn't even put up 180 185 yeah that's what i'm saying right he was a little he was so skinny bewitched he didn't even like uh the tarantula nickname greatest nickname that's never stuck or slim reaper or slim reaper that was actually what i was thinking two for two darantula

Speaker 6 slim reaper's awesome uh this is another one from my youth that i was just you know ignorant very ignorant but scott casimir was a pitcher on the devil rays left-handed pitcher so i like went to a red sock game he dominated him i think he threw like a complete game and had like 15 strikeouts won the rookie of the year that year uh-huh and so i was like this guy's gonna be i remember scott the greatest player of all time.

Speaker 6 And

Speaker 6 I just looked up his stats because I was thinking, like, just brain dump. And I went to look, and it's like 10 and 8, 13, 9, 12, and 8, 10 and 9, 8, 7, 2 and 2.
Career's over.

Speaker 1 Yep. Scott Casimir.

Speaker 5 Yes, Scott Casimir.

Speaker 1 Because also, lefties, you're always like, wow.

Speaker 6 Yes. And honestly, I was like, lefty, like, I'm the lefty.
Like, this guy's a lefty.

Speaker 1 You could see yourself, yeah, you and Scott Casimir had a little something, something. If your dad let you play in

Speaker 1 Little League World Series,

Speaker 1 you're going to beat him up. Yeah, to kick his ass.

Speaker 6 He was distraught over that, I guess.

Speaker 1 I mean, it was in retrospect.

Speaker 5 He should have let you play.

Speaker 1 In retrospect, finding out that you didn't get to play as a 13-year-old in Little League World Series and then the immediate reaction being like, we're going to kick your ass, Mr.

Speaker 5 Lockwood.

Speaker 1 That's a little much.

Speaker 1 My next one. How much cooler would this podcast be, though, if we had a Little League World Series champion?

Speaker 1 My whole life. I mean, I probably wouldn't be here.
You wouldn't be here. No, no, no, no.
No, no, you'd be in the big leagues. Yeah.
For sure. Yeah.

Speaker 6 My next one will be James Young, more recent, but I kind of had a connection with him. I knew him.
Shout out to Sam Malone. I had run into him a few times.

Speaker 6 He had that dunk in the tournament against Yukon. The Celtics then drafted him, and I knew him.
I got to hang out with him a few times.

Speaker 6 So in my head, I was like, yo, if this guy blows up, I'm going to be fucking cool with the best player on the Celtics. I don't think he ever played more than 10 minutes a game.

Speaker 1 He just didn't play defense.

Speaker 6 And he was hooking up with Rihanna. He was sitting in court side with Rihanna.
Had that dunk in the tournament.

Speaker 1 I'd say he outperformed expectations.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I mean, all things being equal, I'd probably rather that than have a successful NBA career.

Speaker 1 I feel like the successful NBA career would probably be better. Without banging Rihanna? No.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 6 Think about it. I don't know if they were just court-sided.

Speaker 1 Legends never got Gospin, yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, I'll go with Chicago one. I still think that Rex Grossman could be a great quarterback because that arm strength, come on, and just throwing it

Speaker 1 the defense in. But yes, yes.

Speaker 1 He almost

Speaker 1 Rex Grossman is a franchise quarterback. In fact, you could say that if Rex Grossman had beaten Peyton Manning in that game, Peyton Manning would have never won a ring.
Correct, correct. Facts.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I still, I don't know. I mean, dude, guys who can throw it deep.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And he didn't mind throwing it deep.

Speaker 7 Why not?

Speaker 1 You know what he did? He trusted himself a little bit too much. A little too much.
A little too much, sexy Rex. All right, what do you got next? So my last two, I'm going Dice K.
Right off the bat.

Speaker 1 Dice K, Matuzaka. No, because Hank,

Speaker 5 yeah, but he had a couple times.

Speaker 1 I was promised the gyro ball. I was promised the gyro ball, okay? And I never got the gyro ball.

Speaker 1 I was told that he had like 500 different pitches that he could throw, that he was going to come over and do things that no human arm had ever done before in the history of pitching.

Speaker 1 And then he came over and he threw like 93 on the black. So that, to me,

Speaker 1 gyro ball was very. Yeah.
Yes. I was waiting on the gyro ball.
And my last one, I'm going to go with.

Speaker 6 Oh, actually. Yeah, he only had one good year.
Yeah. We won 15, 12, 18, and 3, and then just fell off a cliff.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 18 and 3. Wow.
That's a pretty good year. Yeah.
My last one, I'm going with David Boston. David Boston, the wide receiver, he was a legend coming out of Ohio State.

Speaker 1 He had an awesome year on the Cardinals. I pulled up these stats.
He had 1,600 yards and eight touchdowns. Pretty good year.

Speaker 1 And there was a legitimate debate which receiver is going to be the future of the NFL, David Boston or Randy Moss. I thought it was David Boston.

Speaker 1 Some would say I was wrong about that take. But he had a body like a fucking Adonis, and then he just decided to quit football and become a bodybuilder.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so not a bad profession, backup plan, but I agree. I thought he was awesome, too.
He got caught using steroids, and then he was like, you know what? I might as well. Can I make steroids again?

Speaker 1 Full send. Full send.
Full send.

Speaker 2 Fuck it. All right.

Speaker 1 My last pick. I still, again, these hurt because you still think that you like hang on to them.

Speaker 1 Tyrus Thomas could jump out of the fucking gym. Wow.
Tyrus Thomas could jump out of the fucking gym. Dude.
When he went to the final four with LSU,

Speaker 1 I was like, and then the Bulls drafted him. That was the same draft they drafted Marcus Aldrin and traded him.
I was like, Tyrus Thomas at four is a steal.

Speaker 1 This guy, he had the classic youth thing where it's all upside. Yep.
He's stung. He was the ultimate, he was the ultimate length guy of all time.
I had him on my list. Did you? That was my next pick.

Speaker 1 I mean, he, do you remember how high he could jump? Yes. It was insane.

Speaker 6 That final four run.

Speaker 1 They were incredible. Incredible.
And he just got better every single game. And you're like, that was an all-time draft stock tournament.

Speaker 1 Whereas, like, Tyrus Thomas goes into the tournament, okay, maybe he could be a pretty good pro. Comes out of the tournament, like, holy shit, this guy.

Speaker 6 He was also very fun to play with on 2K the first year out because he was like the hops.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. The hops.

Speaker 1 Who are the all-time draft tournament stock guys?

Speaker 5 Wally Serbiak. Wally Zerbiak.
He's fan horse.

Speaker 1 Yep. Yep.

Speaker 6 Mellow.

Speaker 1 Mellow. Mellow.
Big time Mellow. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Anyone the Bulls have drafted

Speaker 1 who's like a four, you know, a senior in Iowa Curry. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, your last one.

Speaker 6 My last one. Speaking of Mello, I'm going to go with Mello Trimble.

Speaker 1 Okay, yep.

Speaker 1 I was at a game.

Speaker 6 I went to a UNC game. I mean, all mine are basically like things I just saw in person, but I went to a UNC Carolina game in 2015.
He dropped like 25 points, was the best player on the court by far.

Speaker 6 And this was the year that if he went in the lottery, he would have been a lottery pick. And so I was like, oh, this guy's destined for greatness.
And I don't even think he's playing anymore.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Probably Europe. Which is crazy.
Yeah, that is crazy.

Speaker 5 In 2015, he was

Speaker 6 like lottery pick.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think he had a game winner against Wisconsin. I was like, holy shit.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 6 I know he's from Melbourne.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, he plays in NBA.
He's a rival. Fuck.

Speaker 1 I never thought he'd be shit. Yeah, he stinks.
He's stunk out loud from the day I saw him. That's also one of those ones, Hank, where you see Mellow and your mind just plays Strix.
Yep. And also,

Speaker 1 the last name, Trimble. Yeah.
Like a badass name across the board.

Speaker 6 Great. He had a few shots that were like court, like the crowd silencer.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, big time.

Speaker 6 This guy's a big-time player.

Speaker 1 Good hair, too. Like, sick flat top.
All right, guys that missed the list. So

Speaker 1 I did a Chicago dump. I had Mike Glenn and Eddie Curry, Jared Allen, Ben Wallace, Gabe Karimi, Fukadome.
I went to his first game, and he hit a home run off Gagne.

Speaker 1 And I was like, holy shit, this guy's going to be a Hall of Famer. Tony Snell, he's a fisherman.
I would throw a flag on Smyser. I would throw a flag on Jared Patterson.
Jared Allen. Hall of Famer.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I know, but when he came to the Bears, he was like, this is the piece that will take him over the top. So that sucked.

Speaker 1 National ones,

Speaker 1 Ameka Okofor, same thing. Big guy.
You know, big guy can't fail.

Speaker 1 I had, I thought Robert Gallery was the greatest pick of all time, and I saw him at a bar in Iowa City in like 2005, and I'm like, this guy is so fucking

Speaker 1 huge. Just massive guy.
Awesome. He looks like the basis from Slipknot's dad.
That's how fucking big he was. Well, like Kane, with a little bit of Kane mix in.
Yes.

Speaker 1 But you know why everyone thought he was going to be a great pick? Was because he was a safe pick for the Raiders.

Speaker 1 It's like, oh, the Raiders didn't fucking draft a wide receiver that was a sprinter until two months ago. Yes.
This must be a sane pick.

Speaker 1 Also, offensive line, when you take, like, Gabe Karimi's a perfect example, when you take an offensive line and you're like, oh, this is great.

Speaker 1 Like, they filled, like, you got to build from the trenches. This guy can't fail.
Yep. You just assume those guys don't fuck up.
Gabe Karimi had that look, too. Yeah.
He just, you know, he looked.

Speaker 1 Bared you. Yeah.
Yeah, you can see. That's what they call him.
I've got, if we want to go hometown, it's Patrick Ramsey was on mine. Patrick Ramsey, he had a fucking cannon.

Speaker 1 He was the NCAA javelin champion his senior year at Tulane. So for that reason, I thought he was going to be a top five NFL quarterback.

Speaker 1 I kept saying that for like five years. I was like, take Mark Brunel out.
Don't get off Brunel out.

Speaker 1 He was a fucking javelin player. He's got a cannon on his arm.
Die there.

Speaker 7 Charles Rogers.

Speaker 1 Yep. I was like, the Lions are making the greatest moves.
Just get all the greatest wide receivers. Charles Rogers, Mike Williams.
Yes. Roy Williams.
Mike Williams, USC Michael Williams.

Speaker 1 He was another one, too, where I thought he was going to be unbelievable. And I also, I was convinced Maurice Cloret was going to be awesome.
He might have been. He could have been.

Speaker 1 He might have been if he didn't get that year off. Well, and also get his goose on.
But that's what I'm saying. That year off, he had a lot of time to be goosing.

Speaker 1 The fact that he was drinking the goose in the Gatorade bottle is insane. I'm getting my goose on.

Speaker 1 Jamarcus Russell. He's on my list.

Speaker 1 People forget he could hit the crossbar while he's wearing shorts from 50 yards.

Speaker 1 Harvard Ruglund, you guys might know him more commonly as Ticalicious,

Speaker 1 the trick shot kicker from like Denmark. A lot of Denmark talked to him, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Uh, but he was doing all these trick shots on YouTube, hitting the posts.

Speaker 1 He would have been a great bears kicker, actually, now I think about it. But, um, he was fucking awesome, and then he got a tryout in the NFL, and he did pretty well in preseason.

Speaker 1 Then we just never heard from him anymore. That's it, and then he was poofing back to that YouTube life.
Uh, I did think Ryan Leaf was going to be an awesome quarterback, too.

Speaker 1 Yep, he throws him in there. Uh, anyone else, Hank, that you had? No, Kimbo Slice in the UFC, Kimbo Slice, the UFC, Dude, Kimbo Slice and Dada 5000, greatest fight of all time.

Speaker 1 Greatest fight of all time. Both those guys had multiple heart attacks in the ring.
Yeah, they both got double KO'd by their own bodies.

Speaker 1 Their own metabolism. They're laying on each other for all the fuck out.

Speaker 6 It's hard to say, but probably Yaboo.

Speaker 1 Ooh, you bought it? You bought the Yabu stock? Oh, you know what? Also, hers to say Doug McDermott. Dougie Buckets.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 6 I mean, you kind of can relate to this big cat, but someone you make a t-shirt for where you have the hype, you're like, Yaboo.

Speaker 6 It's like, if this guy does good, then we're going to sell so many t-shirts.

Speaker 6 I legitimately sold one.

Speaker 1 Jimmer, Jimmer.

Speaker 6 I've got to the one person that bought the Yaboo shirt when it came out.

Speaker 1 Jimmer is up there. Because you just assume you're like, well, he can shoot.

Speaker 5 What else matters?

Speaker 1 He doesn't have to do anything else. He can just shoot.
And you're like, oh, yeah, he is so bad at defense that they just blow right by him. I mean, an obvious one would be Robert Griffin as well.
But

Speaker 1 the story has been told. There's the injury as well.

Speaker 1 He could still make the Hall of Fame. He could.

Speaker 5 He's Trent Richardson.

Speaker 5 Trend Richardson in quarterback form.

Speaker 1 Yes. I also had myself as an honorable mention.
Oh, I thought when I was in elementary school, I was going to be a major baseball player.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, if your dad let you play in the League World Series, but my dad wouldn't let me do it because I didn't qualify.
All right, that was a good Mount Rushmore. So a lot of personal ones.

Speaker 1 Tweet us the ones. I'm sure there'll be some funny names that you can throw out there that really you were like, this guy's going to be it.

Speaker 5 This guy is the thing.

Speaker 1 Let's go to our interview with the boat, Blake Bortles. Before we do that, give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 9 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep coming.

Speaker 9 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

Speaker 1 Okay, here he is. The boat.
Blake Bortles.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on one of our best friends. He is a quarterback in the NFL for the Los Angeles Rams.
He also is a newly bald man. It is Blake Bortles, the boat.
Runner-up, Blake of the Year.

Speaker 1 Runner-up, Blake of the Year.

Speaker 1 Blake, you are calling from your Tesla and you are not, you do not have your hands on the wheel, correct?

Speaker 10 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's correct. Tatiana's got control.

Speaker 1 Tatiana, busting down the highway. Tatiana's got the wheel.

Speaker 1 All right, so where do you want to start? Because this is jarring, and I think, you know, we've kind of pushed you towards this for years now, and then all of a sudden, what happened?

Speaker 1 You just woke up and you're like, hey, today's the day I embrace being a bald guy?

Speaker 10 I never thought me shaving my head would attract so much attention. But it was kind of like a combination of things.

Speaker 10 I got some, I've been getting some peer pressure from Wit and some of the guys, some fellow,

Speaker 10 some fellow baldies. And then, dude, I got a barber out here.
And every time I go in,

Speaker 10 I've gone in like six or seven times. And every time he's like, what do you think? Is today the day you would cut it all off? I'm like, no, dude, like, give me a normal haircut.

Speaker 10 So I went in the other day and he's like, what do you think? Shave it off today. And I was like, yeah, just go ahead, man.

Speaker 1 Let's do it. No way.
So, what was the first thing you thought when you looked in the mirror and you saw your new haircut? Were you happy with it or were you like a little bit like unsure?

Speaker 10 I was unsure going into it,

Speaker 10 but I mean, in all honesty, I was kind of just like, hey, nothing can make this look any worse. So, I think anything's a state of thing or an upgrade.

Speaker 1 So, there was a theory that maybe when you had your first preseason game this year and they had the graphic of you like tossing the ball to yourself

Speaker 1 and you couldn't wear a hat, that might have been part of the reason it pushed you over the edge. I tweeted a picture of it.
It wasn't the best picture. Did that have anything to do with it?

Speaker 10 Yeah, I mean, you definitely fed into some of the peer pressure that's been going on for like four or five years now. So I think it was just kind of a culmination of

Speaker 10 a lot of Jihabs at my hair. So I decided to just shave it off.

Speaker 1 Now,

Speaker 1 now that you have shaved it off, what has been the reception? Has everyone been... I mean, you said it was a picture.
You looked. Oh, is that Tatiana?

Speaker 10 Yeah, that was Tatiana peeping at me.

Speaker 1 Reminding you to put your hands back on the wheel or what? By the way,

Speaker 1 we got to to talk about the Tesla for a second.

Speaker 1 We'll go back to the bald. When you told us the story about how you bought the Tesla because you wanted to quit dip,

Speaker 1 I forgot that Teslas, you don't need to drive. They are auto-driving.
So that's actually the greatest card to dip in.

Speaker 10 Yes, yeah, you kind of get both.

Speaker 10 It's the greatest card to dip in, but at the same time, you don't ever need to go to the gas station. So if you go to the gas station, you're strictly going to buy dishes.

Speaker 1 Okay, all right. So back to the bald.
What has been the reception? Has everyone been like, holy shit, dude, you're hot?

Speaker 1 Anyone ribbing you? Because we're firmly of you're hot. Not that you weren't hot, but you're hotter now that you have embraced the bald.

Speaker 10 Right. No, I appreciate it.
You know,

Speaker 10 it's been kind of a mixed bag. Some guys like it.

Speaker 10 A lot of people saying how to grow out the beard, so I think that might be the next move. But I mean, I feel more aerodynamic and really

Speaker 10 feel moving better. So it's definitely helped me there.

Speaker 1 Would you say you feel faster?

Speaker 10 Yeah, yeah, definitely.

Speaker 1 That's good. Have you experienced any issues with like facial recognition software on your phone, like identifying you when you hold it up to yourself?

Speaker 10 No, that was the first thing I thought of, too. Was like, damn, is my phone going to recognize me? And

Speaker 10 it was fine. Dude, the scariest thing is, like, out of practice, looking down on the ground and seeing my shadow, and it just looks like a thumb.

Speaker 1 So, like, when you, when you looked at your shadow beforehand,

Speaker 1 were you seeing flowing hair? Because it's not like, yeah, that much hair.

Speaker 10 Yeah, yeah. I mean, you can't see a receding hairline in the shadow.
You see just a little lettuce, you know, kind of just going different directions.

Speaker 10 And then now I look down, and yeah, it's just completely hairless.

Speaker 1 What's your shower time situation like? Did you knock a couple minutes off that?

Speaker 10 Oh, I did it. Wait, it's just old-spice body wash on the whole body now.
There's no need for even any head and shoulders.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's weird. I didn't even think about that part.
Like the practical things of, hey, you don't need shampoo anymore. Yeah.

Speaker 10 Yeah, you really, you really saved some money. Shut up.
I got it. Yeah, so

Speaker 1 was that Tatiana you were telling to shut up?

Speaker 10 Yeah, sorry.

Speaker 1 Tatiana's Blake's Tesla. If anyone didn't understand, it's not an actual person sitting next to him.

Speaker 10 But yeah, no, definitely cut back on shampoo cost.

Speaker 1 Okay. I love it.
So all in all, you're feeling pretty confident out of this. You think it's new year, new Blake, new hair?

Speaker 10 Right, yeah, no, it was definitely a long time coming. So it's time to just embrace it until I find Brian Erlacher's guy and think this is a look.

Speaker 1 Yeah, then we can can do a big reveal on pardon my take and you can do a big ad deal.

Speaker 1 So the other part that we thought might have had something to do with it is you obviously were in Jacksonville for your whole career. You come out to LA, all new teammates.

Speaker 1 Did that kind of push you over the edge where people, you know, beforehand, they're like, oh, we kind of knew Blake when he had hair, so we're not going to bust his balls too bad.

Speaker 1 Then you show up like new school and everyone's like, damn, this guy is still holding on. This is disgusting.
His male pattern baldness is gross. Makes me want to puke in my mouth.

Speaker 10 Yeah, there was definitely some of that. Because, like you said, I had hair or some hair when I first got to Jacksonville.
So it wasn't bad. Guys kind of saw me struggling through the process.

Speaker 10 Whereas I showed up out here as the new guy, and it was just like, wow, the new guy's balding. Like, what's he doing? So, yeah, that played into it.
That was one of the many factors in

Speaker 1 all.

Speaker 1 Was it, did you have any teammates that gave you a hard time for shaving your head? Or was it all just universally, Blake, you look like Jason Statham? We're so glad that you did it.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I mean, Jared probably gave me the most shit, so outside of that, I was all right.

Speaker 1 Well, I was going to say, is Jared worried about his job now? Because you're a new guy. Like, this is, he had Blake, the male pattern baldness guy, puking my mouth guy, show up.

Speaker 1 He's like, oh, well, he's not going to take my job. Now it's Blake, Jason Statham.
Wow, he looks so hot. He might take my job.

Speaker 10 Yeah, no, I think there's definitely, I would say more so than taking his job, just more of a chance that maybe I'll skim on the field at the same time for a trick play. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, we did show that play to Sean McVay. Remember that? Yes.
It just looked like a dick. You guys ran a seam route that looked like you guys were just making a big dick.

Speaker 10 Yeah. Yeah, it looked like a potential big play.

Speaker 1 Have you been watching hard knocks at all?

Speaker 10 I saw, I watched the first episode just because we went up there practicing with them for a couple of days.

Speaker 10 I was just trying to kind of get a feel for who they had and kind of what their guys were doing. But I haven't seen the second one.
And then what the third one is coming out soon.

Speaker 5 It's coming out tonight, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So you saw, did you see that John Gruden used to call Sean McVay piss boy? Has anyone in the facility called, tried to throw that out at him?

Speaker 10 No, no, that I don't think anybody has said that directly to his face, but I actually did see that clip.

Speaker 7 Has he paid that forward?

Speaker 1 Because he tries to be like little Gruden himself. I was thinking maybe he's got somebody in the building that he calls piss boy now.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I don't know. I haven't heard him actually call anybody piss boy or if there's anybody that's actually in that role.

Speaker 10 I don't know, a little bit of different times. I think back in the day it was a little more acceptable to

Speaker 10 kind of talk like that around

Speaker 10 the building. So I think that maybe has changed a bit.

Speaker 1 Right. Now you have to say piss person.
Right. Use the correct pronoun.
Right. Right.

Speaker 10 Yeah, exactly. We got to include everybody.

Speaker 1 Are you have you found any friends in LA? Because when we were last out there, you were eating dinner by yourself

Speaker 1 and it was kind of a sad, it was a sad, I felt sad because

Speaker 1 I love you and I don't want you to be lonely.

Speaker 10 I appreciate it. Yeah, no, it's gotten a little better.

Speaker 10 I'm probably getting closer to filling out of my space top eight.

Speaker 1 Whoa, there we go. I like it.

Speaker 1 Have you gotten more attention from

Speaker 1 either some old flames or some new ladies ever since you took the hair down? You got a new look?

Speaker 10 Yeah, well, no,

Speaker 10 I'd say it's been kind of a mixed mega of reviews there.

Speaker 10 I've gone cold in some conversations, and others have picked up.

Speaker 1 Okay, I think what PFT was actually asking was, what does Sophie Sophie Julia think about this?

Speaker 10 I haven't heard yet, so I'm assuming it's negative.

Speaker 1 Who's just a friend, by the way? Just a friend and a friend of ours.

Speaker 1 Well, literally a close friend of ours if we go by Instagram. Right on the circle.
Yeah, we are in the... Are you in the close friends on Instagram?

Speaker 10 I don't. You guys are pretty tight with her.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we're in the close.

Speaker 1 This is two podcasts in a row that we shouted out, Soph. Shout out shooting with Soph.

Speaker 5 Subscribe, rate and review.

Speaker 1 Okay, so do you want to talk any football? How's the football going? I mean, this is

Speaker 1 training camp kind of sucks, I'm sure, but you guys are winding down, getting ready for the season.

Speaker 10 Yeah, it's been good.

Speaker 10 We just got back from Hawaii, played Dallas over there.

Speaker 10 So it's going good. You know, preseason games are

Speaker 10 kind of always entertaining and a bunch of surprises that kind of get thrown out there. But it's been good so far.
We've stayed healthy for the most part, so that's kind of the key getting through it.

Speaker 10 And we got two more to go.

Speaker 1 Oh, go ahead, Pete. I was curious if you've gotten hit at all in training camp because I know they try to keep the quarterbacks upright, but I know that you love contact a little bit.

Speaker 1 So have you been able to stay safe back there?

Speaker 10 Yeah, yeah, no, it's been all right. Every now and then, or actually a lot more than every now and then, Aaron Donald gets back there, but he's pretty good about running by.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's good. So I forgot.
I had to ask you, Todd Gurley's cat, the ad cat. So mad.

Speaker 1 Did you get to meet the Hulu Watchers Live Sports cat? Or did you talk to him at all?

Speaker 10 Yeah, I haven't seen it yet. We had a brief conversation about it.
He seemed pretty fired up about it, so I was happy for him.

Speaker 1 But he's not even keeping it.

Speaker 10 Yeah, no, I think it was more just a photo shoot type deal.

Speaker 1 That sucks. I'd be so fired up about that.
I'm not mad about that.

Speaker 1 That's pretty cool function.

Speaker 1 A fake cat.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 10 Quick little Instagram stump pulled by Todd and I thought it went great.

Speaker 1 All right, before we get to the Wikipedia, my last question for you. You promised us that you would get back on Twitter because that's kind of what backup quarterbacks do.

Speaker 5 What's up with that?

Speaker 10 Yeah,

Speaker 10 it's in the works. I think it'll happen here pretty soon.

Speaker 10 I'll probably bring the social media back and get back on there. So I just got to kind of sit down and do it, I guess.

Speaker 1 If you want us to run your accounts, we will.

Speaker 10 Yeah, that honestly might be the best idea.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we'll do it.

Speaker 10 Bernie.

Speaker 1 Dude, we won't even say that it's you.

Speaker 1 It would be awesome if you had a Twitter account and it was just like run by PFT and Big Cat and we just tweeted random things, but everyone knew that it wasn't you.

Speaker 1 And, you know, we wouldn't obviously jeopardize you, but it would be funny if we just had, like, maybe we just live tweeted,

Speaker 1 like, Rams games. Either that.
And, like, Blake's looking awesome right now, talking from your own account. Yeah, yeah.
Like the Mike Rennell senator account when he was running for president. Yeah.

Speaker 10 Yeah, no, I'm okay with that. Just like in-game live tweeting as I'm standing on the sidelines.

Speaker 1 Yes, I like that. And we'll sprinkle in some Wikipedia links, too.
Right.

Speaker 1 And we'll just be like, everyone knows it's not you tweeting, it's us tweeting, but you should follow Blake Bortles for all the relevant Blake borders facts yeah no tell me in i think uh i think it'd be

Speaker 1 okay all right we're in all right so let's do it real quick the wikipedia hair loss uh i'll start with just the first sentence hair loss also known as alopecia or baldness refers to a loss of hair from part of the head or body typically typically at least the head is involved the severity of hair loss can vary from a small area to the entire body how's your entire body doing

Speaker 1 the yeah i mean the body or the hair on the rest of the body strong okay okay i've heard sometimes it even gets stronger as you lose it up top. Yeah.
Oh, here's something on this Wikipedia.

Speaker 1 Andre Agassi is on here. We need someone to switch it so it's Blake.

Speaker 10 Yeah,

Speaker 10 that picture that my heart kind of sank when I first opened this because I thought that was a picture of me.

Speaker 1 Oh. What, the one of Andre? We'll get to the top.
Oh, the one at the top.

Speaker 10 No, the one at the top.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah,

Speaker 1 the one at the top, like, there's definitely a resemblance there. We could maybe get

Speaker 1 somebody to work on that one, too. So there's,

Speaker 1 Yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 10 That's the view I get when the barber

Speaker 10 puts the mirror behind me and goes to check out the back.

Speaker 1 So there was a diagnosis section. I wondered how much of this you did.
There's the pull test.

Speaker 1 You gently pull to see if any hair comes out. There's the pluck test where you pluck them out by the roots to see if they're just falling out.

Speaker 1 There's a daily hair count. Wait, how does that work? You just pull it out by the roots.
I don't need your hair count. I don't know.
I think maybe this is a doctor does this.

Speaker 1 It's crazy that you'd need a doctor to be like, hey, dude, you're going bald. What was the test that you did other than just us making fun of you for the last five years?

Speaker 10 Yeah, no, I've had two. So one was

Speaker 10 the white interior on the helmet. You just wear a helmet all day and then you take it off and you see how much hair is in there.
And then the other is just washing it and then looking at your hands.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 10 So like, you know, both of those were kind of my two. It was like, yeah, this isn't going well.
That's not supposed to be falling out.

Speaker 1 Yeah. so over the years when you're doing the white helmet test you're just monitoring whether or not that the amount of hair is increasing

Speaker 10 right right yep

Speaker 1 you kind of leave it in there and let it build and in what year would you say like you realized okay this could be an issue

Speaker 10 uh probably

Speaker 10 maybe my second year in the nfo it's kind of like yeah this is gonna be a problem this is gonna be yeah this is gonna be worse yeah um

Speaker 1 gonna be something we're gonna have to revisit here pretty soon there was also uh where was oh that that was Tatiana.

Speaker 1 What up, what up?

Speaker 1 So there was also a part of this, wait, I gotta find it.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 so

Speaker 1 Traction alopecia, I just wanted to mention this. This is not for anyone, is most commonly found in people with ponytails

Speaker 1 who pull on their hair with excessive force, in addition to rigorous brushing and heat styling. Yes.

Speaker 1 Are you worried, PFT?

Speaker 7 About losing my hair?

Speaker 5 Because of ponytails.

Speaker 1 I don't do ponytails. Okay, that's why.
I do the high bun. Nice.

Speaker 5 I do it.

Speaker 1 Oh, it also says and high buns. No, it does.
It says cornrows. So I did cornrows once.

Speaker 1 Yikes. Probably, yeah.
I don't know. Maybe not going to do cornrows anymore.
Yeah. I'll make it.
Yeah. Okay.
That's my resolution. No more cornrows for me.

Speaker 1 I feel like Blake would be sick with cornrows.

Speaker 10 Yeah, dude. I wouldn't mind that.
If I had hair, I would do a lot of funky things.

Speaker 1 You can get cornrow tattoos. Ooh.

Speaker 10 Just get the tattoo haired on.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that would be sick. Yeah, do the boozer.
You should do the boozer.

Speaker 10 Just do the full thing, shave the eyebrows and get those tattooed too.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's under my favorite part of this Wikipedia is under management, it actually says part of the management you can do embracing baldness.

Speaker 1 Instead of concealing hair loss, some may embrace it by shaving their head. A shaved head will grow stubble in the same manner and at the same rate as a shaved face.

Speaker 1 The general public has become accepting of the shaved head as well, though female baldness can be considered less socially acceptable in various parts of the world.

Speaker 1 That's Sinead O'Connor made that actually cool, so that's wrong. But there you go.
You are socially acceptable with your shaved head.

Speaker 10 Yeah, it kind of makes it seem like it just recently became acceptable, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Just, you did it.
Yeah, you, you are the man. You destigmatize people going bald.
Thank you.

Speaker 10 It says you can also go with the comb over.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Now, did you ever consider the comb over? Because

Speaker 2 that would have been a look.

Speaker 10 No, no, I never had enough

Speaker 10 for the real comb over. I was more of just, let's just cover this thing up with a hat.

Speaker 1 I'm going to say something right now that's probably going to get me in trouble, but shout out my dad. He's been rocking the comb over for like 10 years.
If it's done well, he doesn't give up.

Speaker 1 He just doesn't think it's happening. Hang on to it.
Hang on to it as long as you can.

Speaker 1 So I read here, I did not know this, but it says that in men, anywhere between zero and 78 hairs each day fall out. That seems like a lot.
What?

Speaker 1 Yeah, no,

Speaker 1 that's not if

Speaker 1 you're losing your hair.

Speaker 1 That's normal. So it says when you, when more than a hundred hairs fall out per day, then that's when you're starting to lose your hair.
Damn. That's wild stuff.
That is wild.

Speaker 1 Wild. Confirmed.

Speaker 1 All right. I got one last question.
It is SeatGeek question. Put a promo code Takey at $10 off SeatGeek purchase.
Have you learned the entire playbook, and is Sean McVay a genius?

Speaker 10 I would say

Speaker 10 I know everything that we've put in. There's obviously still

Speaker 10 some stuff that hasn't been installed and some game plan specific stuff, but get more and more comfortable with everything that's in. And then I would say, yeah, I mean, he's extremely smart,

Speaker 10 really good at talking and explaining and coaching. And I mean, you learn something from just being around him every day.

Speaker 1 Any tight end plays in for you?

Speaker 10 No, no.

Speaker 10 I stay after practice sometimes and work on my three-point stance and get on the judge machine and stuff. So just kind of staying ready in case I get my number called.

Speaker 1 I like that. You guys should definitely run the Philly special at one point this year.
That would be amazing, wouldn't it? Yes, it would.

Speaker 1 At that point,

Speaker 1 that's the pinnacle of the Blake Twitter account when that happens.

Speaker 10 Oh, did it live tweeted by you guys on that one?

Speaker 1 Oh, it'd be so amazing.

Speaker 1 There's one other option, though, if you're losing your hair, but like nobody, only probably losers would ever do this one, and that's the surgery to get new hairs transplanted.

Speaker 1 You've got to be a vain vain

Speaker 1 loser. Big loser to do that.
Huge loser.

Speaker 10 Yeah, definitely just, you got to just own it. It's not like you can really do anything about it.

Speaker 1 Right, yep, right. And then you can't especially can't say that you have surfer hair if you get surgery.
Exactly. Right.

Speaker 10 No, if you have fake hair, that's like the opening line of the statement. Like, this isn't my real hair.
This is, this is post-surgery, just to let everybody know it's not your actual flow.

Speaker 1 Exactly. It's like trying to become a porn star after you get a fake dick.
Right. Can't do it.
Come on, man. You can't do it.

Speaker 8 Yeah.

Speaker 1 all those guys fake tech everyone knows yeah um all right blake well thank you for uh joining us this is i think i was more excited than you were um i was freaking out you were on the plane to hawaii and i was like dude you got a call you're like i'm on a plane to hawaii but i was it was a huge night it was a huge night

Speaker 10 Hey, man, I'm glad you guys shared my excitement.

Speaker 7 No, you really do look good.

Speaker 1 That's the first thing that we said when we saw the picture.

Speaker 2 You look hot. You look great, Blake.

Speaker 5 Just make sure to use sunscreen on your head.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you truly are the embodiment of Hot Boy Summer.

Speaker 10 Yeah, yeah. No, I get a good base burn, and then I'll kind of just pan in from there.

Speaker 1 I love it. Okay.
All right. Thanks, Blake.
Talk to you later, man.

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Speaker 1 Okay, let's get to some segments. First up, we have hurt or injured Rhonda Rousey.

Speaker 1 What happened? I just saw you. You were just like, ah, gross.

Speaker 1 Here's exactly what happened. It looks like she was fingering a drugs machine because I I looked at the picture on Instagram and it's just, I'll put it this way.

Speaker 1 The Tampa Bay Buccaneers probably have strong interests in signing her as a pass rusher.

Speaker 1 So she, a boat door on her finger? She got her finger shut in a boat door and her finger basically came off. Okay, I like, like, I like looking at gory injuries.
It's fucked up.

Speaker 1 I like puke videos, whatever. But...
Getting something slammed, have you ever slammed your finger in a car door really hard?

Speaker 1 It is the worst. Yeah.
The worst. Probably the worst pain of all time.
It's awful. Somebody send that picture to Pro Football Doc and see you, like, hey, is she okay? Is this a sprain?

Speaker 1 Is she going to be okay? Yeah.

Speaker 2 She'll be fine.

Speaker 1 Two to four weeks. It is one of those injuries that when you look at,

Speaker 1 it's just revolting. I almost threw up.
Yeah. When I looked at it.
I saw, yeah, you were just like, oh, oh, oh. I can't do it.

Speaker 1 Is that like kind of, it wasn't like that. I mean, I knew I could do it, but I was just like,

Speaker 1 you saw it. I saw it.
Yeah. Gross.
But is that an advantage if

Speaker 1 you're a boxer, or not a boxer probably, but if you're a UFC fighter, you're not allowed to, I gouge, you're not allowed to fish hook anymore.

Speaker 5 True.

Speaker 1 And guess what?

Speaker 1 She's not

Speaker 5 MMA anymore, right?

Speaker 1 Oh, that's right. Yeah, she's WWE, right? So she's fine.
She's totally fine.

Speaker 1 Unless it's her middle finger and she's like stone cold where she flips everybody off. Right.
Then it could be an issue.

Speaker 5 Then it will be a big issue.

Speaker 1 Hank, you just sent us something. What are people mad about? Breaking moves?

Speaker 1 Breaking moves, people are mad.

Speaker 2 Online.

Speaker 6 The Mets tweeted out a video of a fan reaching over the appropriate, like, whatever, like, what do you call those things?

Speaker 6 Railings, if you will, to catch a foul ball so that the Braves player couldn't catch it, which is illegal, and the fan got kicked out for it. But the Mets tweeted it with, like, best fans in baseball.

Speaker 6 And people are mad that the Mets are promoting yikes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's the Cardinals fans, too. Yeah.
Everybody who stole in valor for the Cardinals. Yep.
Joe Buck is going to come kick your ass. That was actually the Mets are are playing the Indians.

Speaker 1 So, wow, Hank.

Speaker 1 Did the Braves? There's a quick look. Yikes.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Big, big mistake.

Speaker 6 Big yikes. That breaking moves is brought to you by Built with Chocolate Milk.

Speaker 6 Oh, fuck. They took the sign down.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, no, Hank.

Speaker 1 By the way, we're soundproof now.

Speaker 1 We'll say it at the top of the show, so this is just time traveling.

Speaker 1 Built with Chocolate Milk brought to you by Built with Chocolate Milk. Thanks to Built with Chocolate Milk for giving us Built with Chocolate Milk.
And for maybe also buying Hank and Cat.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Real Cover that tastes real good.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah, yeah.
That's it? Yeah. Okay, great.

Speaker 1 Let's do our PMT Sports Biz Minute with Jake Marsh.

Speaker 8 Good morning. This is Jake Marsh with the PMT Sports Biz Minute.
We've made it. Week zero in the college football season is here.

Speaker 8 The headliner, the Florida Gators, the Miami Hurricanes, Saturday night in Orlando. The word zero has a few origins.
One of them coming from Italian mathematician Leonardo Pisano, aka Fibonacci.

Speaker 8 Other words for zero include not, nil, zilch, zip, and of course, love. How ironic, the week with a number that represents nothing actually gives us everything but that.

Speaker 8 An in-state rivalry, the beginning of the fall, bets to win, but more to lose, and all the other baggage that comes with this beautiful sport.

Speaker 5 Football is back.

Speaker 8 One of the biggest faces in Serial is taking over college football. The Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl is now a thing and will start up on New Year's Eve.

Speaker 8 In 1952, Tony edged out Katie the Kangaroo, Elmo the Elephant, and Newt the New to become the official Frosted Flakes mascot. That's your PMT Sports, this initiative, Mr.
Cat, Mr. Commenter.

Speaker 1 Back to you.

Speaker 1 Thanks, Jake. Thanks, Jake.
That was so cool. Yeah, that was very cool.

Speaker 1 How about some talking soccer?

Speaker 5 MLS Rivalry Week.

Speaker 1 It's MLS Rivalry Week. That was talking soccer.
Okay. I just know that, like, I'm juiced up.
Are you guys juiced up? Of course. I mean, who can forget?

Speaker 6 I have no idea.

Speaker 1 New York versus New York. Atlanta versus versus Orlando.
It's got to be New York versus Boston, probably, right? No, you got to go.

Speaker 1 It's a Derby, Hank. I think it's actually New York, D.C.

Speaker 5 No, it's D.C.

Speaker 1 Marvel. Yeah, that's true.
Spider-Man's gone. But yeah, who could forget rivalry? Well, I do know it's Seattle, Portland, because they play each other like 10 times a year.
Fire? Okay. That's Chicago.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Chicago Fire. And then

Speaker 1 give us all the rivalries. Minnesota versus Kansas City.

Speaker 1 We don't have to do that. Sorry, I was talking soccer.
All right, Trouble and Paradise. Dallas.
Before we get to guys on chicks, Trouble in Paradise.

Speaker 1 Zeke Elliott's mad at Jerry Jones because Jerry Jones said Zeke who,

Speaker 1 and Zeke said that's very disrespectful. It was disrespectful by Jerry Jones.
And furthermore, they just signed, what's his name?

Speaker 1 Jalen Smith to an extension. Yes.
Man, if I was Zeke, I'd be pissed off about that, too. Sit out.
Man, Zeke,

Speaker 1 man, all this disrespect being thrown your way by Jerry Jones. You don't have to take it, Zeke.

Speaker 1 It's kind of a bad look, though, to be like, I can't believe that he said Zeke Who. I mean, that's like, that's kind of a funny thing to say by Jerry Jones, isn't it?

Speaker 5 Zeke who? Yeah, Zeke Who?

Speaker 1 I don't know who Zeke Elliott is. Yeah, I mean, this is Jerry Jones negotiating in the public.
This is what he does. He's not drunk.
He wasn't drunk when they asked him that.

Speaker 1 Or maybe he was blackout drunk and he actually forgot who Zeke was. Do you think Ezekiel Elliott's going to sit out at all?

Speaker 1 No. I don't either.
I don't think that he will. I don't think that he will.
Well, where is he now? He's in Cabo? Cabo. It's tough when Cowboys go to Cabo.

Speaker 1 Can you believe a Dallas Cowboy would go to Cabo before a game? Damn.

Speaker 1 All right, let's do guys on chicks. Let's wrap it up.

Speaker 6 Sup boys, especially tall PFT.

Speaker 1 I don't know who that person's talking to. That was really nice.

Speaker 6 They put up an emoji. I'm trying to.

Speaker 6 I work in a sports-related field where my department is male-dominated.

Speaker 6 For example, there's one guy who calls me by the wrong name, and now all the guys consistently call me by the wrong name because they think it's funny.

Speaker 1 How do I get that to stop and make sure I assert my dominance?

Speaker 1 Call him all Chad. Yeah, you can.
Ooh, that's good. Yeah.
Call them all Chad. Brad.
Our incels. Yeah.
Ooh, yeah, man.

Speaker 1 You'd love to fuck this, you incels. Yeah.
You guys are all in the friend zone, little incel bitches. Or you could just cry.
Yeah, you could. That's actually a great thing.
You can always just cry.

Speaker 1 You can just cry, and then guys will change their behavior.

Speaker 1 They probably have a crush on you. I would say so.
If they're

Speaker 1 basically grade school bullying you? Yeah, they call you, are they pulling your hair? Is this, are you actually in seventh grade? Because they might like you. Yep, that might be the case.

Speaker 1 Yeah, call them Chad and Brad. Own them.

Speaker 6 Hey guys, especially Daddy Cat. I have an important question.
My boyfriend of five years just recently moved seven hours away. We're trying to keep things fun from a distance.

Speaker 6 As a guy in a committed long-distance relationship, what would you like to give, oh, what would you like to receive from a girl to keep you content and satisfied until you can see her again?

Speaker 1 I love that you're so about this internet life that everything's content instead of content. That way it's tough.

Speaker 1 It is tough. It is tough.

Speaker 1 Gold membership.

Speaker 6 Yes, we talk about content all the time.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Gold membership to Barstool Sports and gold membership to browsers.

Speaker 1 You decide which one you want to buy first. Double gold.
I like that. Yeah, it's like you can either be watching videos or getting content and being content.
You should get his mama sex toy.

Speaker 1 That's good.

Speaker 1 Send him letters.

Speaker 1 Be one of those hipster people.

Speaker 6 Then you'll show up in like six months, like, did you get my letters? And it'll go into a stack of unopened mail and be like, oh.

Speaker 1 But dude, you hear about that all the time where they're like, well, we were away for a year, so we went offline and we were letters.

Speaker 5 Yeah, good point, Hank.

Speaker 1 I think that nowadays, if the post office notices like somebody receiving an abnormal amount of letters, they just report that person to the FBI. I'm just saying, letters, baby.
Write a love letter.

Speaker 1 See how it goes. We appreciate your business, but we have to flag this.
Listen, you write a love letter. He's either all in or all out.
If he's like, that was weird, don't ever do that again.

Speaker 1 Break up. Seal it with a kiss.
I don't know how you do that. Some lipsticks.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Anything else? I don't know.

Speaker 1 Skype. Yeah, just a lot of nudes, really.

Speaker 5 Skype it.

Speaker 1 But don't do, don't, no, but don't do too many nudes because guys are dicks.

Speaker 1 I said they watch you for you.

Speaker 1 I did.

Speaker 1 Like the all the girls just did nudes and then they just ended up on

Speaker 1 no nudes. Don't do nudes.

Speaker 7 Actually, that's good advice.

Speaker 1 Yeah, leave them wanting to watch you for you. Synopsis of that show.
I mean, is that not what happened to Hank?

Speaker 1 Literally, every single girl had sex and they, boom, next thing you know, there's a sex tape out there.

Speaker 6 It's the way you said din nudes.

Speaker 1 Hey, big cat and paper. I'm 34 and I'm a dad.

Speaker 6 My boyfriend and I are huge fans of the show and after last Friday's episode where you revealed Blake's new haircut, I was anxious to see how he looked.

Speaker 6 After seeing the picture, I stated I thought he looked extremely handsome. Yep.
And my boyfriend got offended.

Speaker 6 Is this something I should be concerned about, or is it just common knowledge that a bald Blake is better than a Blake with a full head of hair?

Speaker 1 It's common knowledge that just everybody in the world is intimidated by Blake Bortles because he's a good-looking guy. Really good-looking guy.

Speaker 1 And he's rich and successful and lives in LA and drives a Tatiana yeah he drives a Tatiana well it also probably doesn't dip as much I would imagine your boyfriend has male pattern baldness and he's like shit so yeah I should have done this yeah so if yeah if you're in that situation you have to be first to market with a with a bald head

Speaker 6 big time sup PMT boys especially hot boy summer pft oh sup my boyfriend and I had an argument this week about whether or not it's okay to pee in pools like people do in the ocean are you kidding me I have never done it in my entire life, and he thinks it is the most convenient thing ever.

Speaker 6 I think it's gross and unsafe.

Speaker 1 What are your thoughts?

Speaker 6 Does he need to stop peeing in the pool?

Speaker 1 If you don't pee in a pool, you're unsafe. Yes, exactly.
Pee actually makes a pool safer. Because there can be too much chlorine in there, and pee is sterile, and so it waters it down a little bit.

Speaker 1 No, but seriously, when you,

Speaker 1 I have been watching Mindhunter, so I'm kind of on like a, I'm sort of in the FBI, no serial killer. Serial killers, like they've had trauma when they were little kids, they skinned cats, they,

Speaker 1 are abusive relationships. And they get out of the pool to go pee.
All facts. That's it.
These are all straight-up facts. Here's some more facts.

Speaker 1 You're more likely to injure yourself getting out of a pool and getting back in

Speaker 1 than you are if you just stay in the pool and pee. True.
So, I mean, unless you want to break his neck, that might be something that you're into.

Speaker 1 Also, peeing when you're wet, standing in a bathroom is gross. Yeah.
That's gross. It feels gross.
Also, when you have to take a shit, that's the worst.

Speaker 1 I mean, when you're wet and you have to take a shit,

Speaker 1 that you poop in the pool in the pool yeah i'm gonna get a pool just so i can have

Speaker 1 just basically an outdoor toilet yeah it's a toilet i mean birds already have that birds use it as a pool too uh but seriously when you think about it if you walk through the house after being in a pool you're creating an enormous slip and fall hazard facts like if you have children or you have the elderly are both around and you're tracking water through the house you're basically putting a gun to their head yep so be in that pool

Speaker 1 you take your piss inside that pool also dude break up with your girlfriend. She's a weirdo.
Yeah, this is very strange behavior to ask you. What's the next thing? Like, don't pee in the bed.

Speaker 5 Make sure she's still subscribed, though.

Speaker 6 Last question. Sup, boys, I've been seeing my boyfriend for a year and a half.
Until recently, I thought we were a pretty normal college couple. Last week, he gave me a promise ring.

Speaker 6 When I gave him a weird look, he said, it's not that kind of promise ring.

Speaker 1 So I'm hoping you guys can clear up what kind of promise ring it could be. No, he's definitely.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so

Speaker 1 he got you a promise ring, but then was when you said like this is weird he was like uh psych it's like it's a classic joke guys do a psych on an engagement ring all the time how how long are how long they've been dating year and a half yeah college couple if you're over a year i don't think you can get any kind of jewelry that you can put on your hand without it being the ring yeah i feel like that's kind of also getting a ring in college like what are you doing also getting a promise ring what are you doing it's listen it's 2019

Speaker 1 unless there's a mood ring i was into mood rings like a couple years ago ago.

Speaker 6 Promise ring just means that you're going to marry them eventually. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So an engagement ring? No, it's a promise I won't cheat on you. It's a promise we're going to get married as soon as I figure my shit out.
Yeah, as soon as I have enough money to buy you a real ring.

Speaker 1 I promise as soon as I get the courage to marry you, I'm going to ask you to marry me.

Speaker 6 Yeah. So this person was just, the guy was just feeling like super anxious.

Speaker 1 No, he just fucked up. No, he was just, he's just a moron.
Yes.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 1 He brought a promise ring to a wedding ring party. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And she's like, no, this isn't going to cut it, buddy.

Speaker 1 He entrapped himself. Here's what you have to do.
Get her pregnant. That's the ultimate promise ring.

Speaker 1 Or an STD. Contract an STD from her.
Or a dog. Get a dog together.
Get a dog together. Promise that you'll stay together.

Speaker 6 Speaking of

Speaker 6 last one, sub boys, especially all of you.

Speaker 1 That's nice.

Speaker 6 My boyfriend will not stop with his over-the-top obsession of us getting a golden retriever. If he sees a couple in public with one, he'll literally try and have me guilt them into agreeing.

Speaker 6 How do I convince him to adopt own shop and get me an adopted pup? P.S. He's in the AWL, so hit him hard.

Speaker 1 Okay, get the fucking dog. And here's why you should get it, because golden retriever puppies are incredibly cute, but don't shop.
Adopt. Clear the shelters.
Hashtag clear the shelters.

Speaker 1 We save lives on this show. Yes, we do.

Speaker 1 One time I screwed this guy over so bad on the street because it was him and his girlfriend. And his girlfriend was like, tell my husband that we need to get an English mastiff just like this.

Speaker 1 And I was like, yeah, dude, you got to get it. He was like, dude, fuck, come on.
And I was like, it's great. He's a great dog.
And he was not prepared to go from like zero dog

Speaker 1 to 160-pound dog. Sorry.
Sorry, dude, if you're out there. My bad.
Yeah, that's fucked up. But yeah, I'm cool with dog shaming people and being like, hey, this is awesome.
You should get a dog.

Speaker 1 How many people have you talked to who are like, I got a dog and it sucked? Yeah. No one regrets a dog.
No. No.
Ever. That's facts.
What?

Speaker 5 What do you mean? What was that Iraq? Joey Porter.

Speaker 1 What are you saying?

Speaker 6 Michael Vick? Actually, no. No,

Speaker 5 Michael Vick regrets getting two dogs.

Speaker 1 Right, because then that ruined his career. Yeah, the first dog, he was good.
Right. Then he became a dog.
He's like, this is awesome. I love it so much.
Oh, shit. Who else were you talking about?

Speaker 1 Nothing. You were talking about someone specifically.

Speaker 1 So someone regrets getting a dog.

Speaker 1 All right, that's our show. Who regrets getting a dog, Hank? I don't know.

Speaker 1 Hank. Oh, are you talking...
No, dude.

Speaker 6 I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not talking about anything.

Speaker 1 I'm not talking about anything, big ass. Man, that's fucked up.
Oh,

Speaker 1 that's fucked up. Hank, come on.

Speaker 1 Love you, God. Damn it.

Speaker 7 Love you guys. Love you guys.

Speaker 7 I don't know what I'm going to say and say anyway.

Speaker 7 Today's another day, but I'm finding you shine.

Speaker 7 Oh, I'll be coming for your love, okay.

Speaker 7 Take on me.

Speaker 7 you are

Speaker 7 lifting all

Speaker 7 needless to say.

Speaker 7 I won't say yes.

Speaker 7 But he's all in a way.

Speaker 7 Slowly learning the fight is okay.

Speaker 1 Take on me.

Speaker 1 It's not better to be safe than sorry.

Speaker 1 Drink on me.

Speaker 1 It's pardon my take presented by Bar School Sports.