Packers Fullback Danny Vitale + John Kuhn, Mike Florio on Helmetgate, And Mount Rushmore Of Colors

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Speaker 1 On today's part of my take, we have fullbacks, Danny Vitel and... No, it's Danny...

Speaker 1 Vitaly. Vitaly,

Speaker 1 Dick Vitale actually says it wrong. And John Kuhn, full-on meathead.

Speaker 1 Love talking to both those guys. We talked about their biggest hits, how much they squat, how much they bench.
We also have Mike Florio on to talk about Helmet Gate

Speaker 1 and Mount Rushmore of Colors. Somehow, we have never done that.
And also a Monday reading that will surely creep you out.

Speaker 3 When cool, creamy ranch meets tangy, bold buffalo, the hole is greater than the sum of its sauce. Say howdy, partner, to new Buffalo Ranch sauce, only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Speaker 1 At participating McDonald's. Okay, let's go.

Speaker 1 Now in the streets, there is violence.

Speaker 1 And then I love the song of perfume done.

Speaker 1 I love washing.

Speaker 1 And then I can't name all on the sun. Oh no, we're gonna rock down to Electric

Speaker 1 Welcome to part of my take presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now.
Use code Barstool. You get $5 for free, $5 to ASPCA.
Today is Monday, August 19th, and you've done it.

Speaker 1 We have officially had the last weekend of of 2019 without football.

Speaker 1 Real football. We've reached week zero in college football, which is such

Speaker 1 so great. Well, they said that what, like, societies took 4,000 years after inventing math to figure out the number zero.
Yes.

Speaker 1 It took us like 30 years of bull championship subdivision football to realize that we could do a week zero. Hey, just throw a random game.

Speaker 1 And they're usually played like on an aircraft carrier somewhere. Do it.
I'm very excited because this means that we have real football to bet on this game. And we have real football.

Speaker 1 And we were talking about before the show, but this is the longest college football in history. It starts next Saturday, and it goes all the way till January 13th.
That's great.

Speaker 1 That means that we are slowly, you know, a lot of people say society is getting in a worse place. This whole earth is going to blow up all this shit.

Speaker 1 Eventually, we're going to get to a football season that just goes the entire calendar year, and I'm here for it. Well, that's kind of the goal with the XFL.
Right. Right? So,

Speaker 1 yeah, that's coming up. So

Speaker 1 when people say that we're not going to have football in 25 weeks, guess what? You're wrong. A little something called the XFL is going to tie this over.
And the AAF is coming back, probably. Not.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, no, it's the start. It's like, you know, the egg is hatching.
You talk about the football sandwich.

Speaker 1 I'm here to talk to you about the little dinosaur from Jurassic Park popping his head out of the egg after his parents switched sexes and saying, hello, it's me. It's 2019, and I'm here to stay.

Speaker 1 Hello, it's Danny Boy Kane, and we're ready for the Gators versus the Hurricanes in South Florida. I don't even know where they're.
I think they're playing actually in Florida, so North Florida.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the battle for the state of Florida. Fanhandle.
Yeah. Kind of a fear of victory if you want to.
That UCF has won every year in the last like

Speaker 1 UCF national champions. Correct.
Only team from Florida to hoist that banner. All right.

Speaker 1 So the other thing we had going on, it was obviously preseason football every single day, which I wish they did that.

Speaker 1 I wish the NFL just dropped random games for us on a Friday night because it really was, even though no one cares about preseason football and you shouldn't, it was nice to just be scrolling, oh, shit, swag Kelly on the middle of Saturday afternoon.

Speaker 1 Why not? Yeah, and let's do it. What's great about these games is most of the quarterbacks that play the majority of these games are already from MAC schools.

Speaker 1 So they're used to playing on Tuesdays or Wednesday nights. Yes.
And so they'd fit right in with that.

Speaker 1 I was saying that it's one of the best times of the year because we're entering quarterback controversy season.

Speaker 1 And this year, we've got the most boring quarterback controversies of all time, perhaps ever in the history of the NFL, that are starting to bubble up right now because we've got the Titans, we've got Marcus Mariota, and we've got

Speaker 1 Ryan Tannehill. And that sound you heard was everybody just closing out this podcast because they're already super bored talking about the Titans.

Speaker 1 We've got the Dolphins who got rid of Tannehill, and now they've got Ryan Fitzpatrick and Josh Rosen and another one that nobody cares about. And we've got Swag Kelly coming to take Andrew Luck's job.

Speaker 1 Jacoby Roussett's job. Yeah.
But also maybe Andrew Luck's job. And you forgot about the most important one that actually has already been decided:

Speaker 1 Eli Manning and Daniel Jones, which Pat Shermer, he had a press conference where he said something like, Eli is our quarterback because John Mara is the owner or something. I don't even understand it.

Speaker 1 But Eli, you're getting a whole lot of Eli this year. So basically, Pat Shermer was doing the thing where he's giving a news conference and he's blinking in Morse code saying, like, help.

Speaker 1 I'm taking hostage. Send in the SWAT team.
They're making me start Eli Manning this entire year, and I want to start Daniel Jones. Here's the quote.

Speaker 1 So John Mara said that in a perfect world, Eli Manning would play 16 games. Totally agree with you there, John Mara.
We need Eli Manning playing 16 games.

Speaker 1 I would say actually 19 games in the Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 So Pat Shermer said, John owns the team. I've said the same things, but sometimes you guys don't believe me, but we're on the same page.

Speaker 1 We don't believe you because Eli Manning's not a starting quarterback anymore.

Speaker 1 But he is. But he is for 16 games.
And please, when you refer to the Mara's, Mr. Mara.
Yeah, that's true. Mr.
Mara has issued the edict on high that Eli Manning is going to start every fucking game.

Speaker 1 And if you don't like it, then go out back, and we're going to make you smoke a whole pack of Eli Mannings.

Speaker 1 We have Helmet Gate, which we'll get to with Mike Florio, but holy shit, Antonio Brown, way to just own the entire training camp storyline for everything.

Speaker 1 And the riot is back on because there has been a lot that's gone on, and we have hard knocks on Tuesday night.

Speaker 1 Send out that Google alert again

Speaker 1 on calendar. I'll see you next time.
Invite me to that riot because we will riot again. If you ready for it, Hank, what's not ready for the calendar invite? You're not.

Speaker 1 I just got over the last one. Okay.
You're not ready for the riot, though. You can say maybe.
Because this riot, if you thought last riot was a bloodbath, you ain't seen nothing yet. Damn.

Speaker 1 I might not my helmet.

Speaker 1 I might wear like a scarf so that if I get caught on camera flipping over a water bottle, the cops can't find me. Exactly.
Like they're doing in. What are they doing in Hong Kong?

Speaker 1 They're like shining lasers into cameras. Actually, I have a question for you, PFT, and this is nothing to do with sports, but but those riots in Portland,

Speaker 1 the Antifa versus Proud Boys,

Speaker 1 do they just walk around? It seems like there's more journalists than rioters. That's basically what, yeah, it's a bunch of people on cameras.
So I was in. I watched the video.

Speaker 1 I was like, wait, all these guys are just journalists, and then there's three guys just having a little bit of a scuffle, like someone walked in the bike lane.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and even the journalists are on sides there. So they're like following specific people around, hoping to find somebody messing with that person.
Right. So you can tweet out a video.

Speaker 1 As somebody that was up in Detroit covering the politics in America, like boots on the ground, I saw a little bit of the Proud Boys up there, and they are looking for a fight.

Speaker 1 They just disavow, by the way. Disavow the Proud Boys.
Fuck the Proud Boys. Disavowing the Proud Boys officially.
But yeah, so we're going to take some cues from that whole situation.

Speaker 1 Maybe we'll, I don't know, we'll pepper spray the room. It's a mess sound.

Speaker 1 It seems like if no one showed up with a camera, no one would show up to like push each other in the streets. Oh, it's for the clout.
For sure. It was watching.

Speaker 1 And I think they send each other calendar invites, too. It's like, okay, just so you know, the Proud Boys are going to be here at this time.
We're going to ride.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but we're actually going to talk about the riot more than we riot. Well, we're going to tweet about the riot more than anything.
So, so I don't understand any of that. Yeah, stupid.
All right.

Speaker 1 So, and then the only other story, we got to give MLB some credit. We do go after Major League Baseball for being very stupid, but the Williams Port game every year is awesome.

Speaker 1 And they have all the kids. And yes, it is bullshit that all these Little League World Series kids high-five each other when someone hits a home run off of them.
Those clips are just insane.

Speaker 1 But they do this right. And I wish they played on an actual Little League-dimensioned field.
But

Speaker 1 they're bigger than the bats. Yeah.
Kids.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm all right. Kids pitching.
Paxton Lynch just went deep, and I was like, what the fuck is going on? Kids pitching.

Speaker 1 Paxton Lynch has sent a lot of people into puberty and menstruation and occulation.

Speaker 1 Kids pitching Major League Baseball players hitting. Yes.
And just have it be. I agree.
Who says no? Probably the kids. Yeah, probably the kids.
Probably kids' parents. The kids' dads.

Speaker 1 These overprotected

Speaker 1 coaches.

Speaker 1 Helicopter parents don't want their son to get a face full of baseball and lose all their teeth. But you know what?

Speaker 1 That's what we want to tune in to see. Yes, I agree.
People want it. All right.
Should we do, let's do some who's back? And then let's get to our Mount Rushmore. Let's move it along.

Speaker 1 We have, by the way, we have Danny Vitale and John Kuhn coming up. If you want to watch it, barstillgold.com slash PMT.
We were up in Green Bay. We interviewed Matt LaFour.

Speaker 1 You can also watch that on BarstoolGold, barstoolgold.com slash PMT. Sign up right now.
All right, Hank, go.

Speaker 1 Who's back? I have a few. The first one is Josh Gordon.
Okay.

Speaker 1 You guys can talk about that in stories of the league. Kind of a big deal for the Patriots, Patriots fans, recurring Super Bowl champions.

Speaker 1 They've got their best receiver back, so it's exciting. Yeah, I mean, maybe the league of the game.
And he'll score more than 13 points. How many weeks?

Speaker 1 How many weeks? He's zero. He's

Speaker 1 zero weeks. No, how many weeks will he be on the team? All of them.
You think so? Every week. And if he doesn't, you get cut.
But he's not on the team right now. Every week's left.
22.

Speaker 1 No, as of Sunday, he can.

Speaker 1 He's on the non-football list. So what happens if he doesn't make it through the whole season? Non-injury related.
So if he gets injured, that's fine.

Speaker 1 But if he gets cut or leaves or anything like that, Hank gets capped. Nope.
Yep.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 I'll do something. I'm not going to get a cat.
How about over? We'll be nice to you. Over on.
But what if he plays the whole year? You guys have to do something.

Speaker 1 How about that video that went viral where the guy had the the leaf blower with a huge bowl of weed and just like hot box the whole room you have to do that in the studio by yourself all right and if he plays the whole year you guys have to no he looked terrible he basically died from smoke inhalation josh gordon will probably come here and help you out with that and if you guys if he makes it through if he makes it to the playoffs you guys have to do that and same thing okay

Speaker 1 yeah if he makes it to the playoffs and he plays every single game then i'll get super high yeah he makes it to the playoffs non-injury related obviously oh man i hope he doesn't okay playoffs.

Speaker 1 No, dude, this leaf blower thing, that definitely looked like a bunch of stoners died because they didn't realize, oh, smoke is, you actually still can't just inhale way too much smoke.

Speaker 1 So this is, so the Patriots are admitting that their experiment of just turning every quarterback that they have into wide receivers is not going to work out. Yeah, they cut Etling.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's too bad. So I liked him.
All right. Who else? My other who's back is Big Cat lashing out at Producers over Bessie Lost.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So on Twitter over the weekend.
Actually, you should tell it, Big Cat. Well, I don't think I lashed out.

Speaker 1 I think I stated facts. So he was, there was a, I mean, what was it, five tweet thread? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And that probably could have been 10.

Speaker 1 Probably could have been 10. I mean, do you think that I was in the wrong? For what happened? So Stephen Shea, who produces the Yak, the serious radio show that I host,

Speaker 1 was down in Tampa Bay all week for his Make-A-Wish. And

Speaker 1 he was basically getting... Did you guys see he did a jersey swap, too? That was great.
He's literally a kid. But it's a polo shirt.

Speaker 1 I actually sent Jason Light, the GM of the Bucks, a DM saying thanks for taking care of Stephen Chee all week.

Speaker 1 Just letting him know that, like, Stephen Che, we appreciate you taking him off our hands for a week. So anyway, Stephen Che, the game was 3-3 in the end of the second quarter.
I had bet the over.

Speaker 1 Me too. Stephen Che texted me and said, oh, dude, I forgot to tell you, hot tip, they didn't put the tarp out

Speaker 1 for, like, some security guard told me they didn't put the tarp out, which they usually do. The field was absolutely soaked and they were raking water off.

Speaker 1 He texted me this 3-3 and I had already bet the over. So he's like, yeah, the under will probably hit.
Thanks, Stephen Shea.

Speaker 1 And then he said, look into the second half under, which I did, which also lost. So an 0-2 instead of 1-0.

Speaker 1 And yeah, if you send a hot tip two hours after a game starts, you deserve a five-tweet thread and more. And guess what? Stephen Shea, he's going to bring me lunch tomorrow.

Speaker 1 But he said I had to give back the Tupperware. And I said, fuck that.
I'm throwing it out. I think that's fair.
Totally fair. I've also been on tilt since that moment.

Speaker 1 I've lost every bet all weekend because of that one fucking game. If he fucks you over with a plastic covering, then you have the absolute right to fuck him over on his plastic covering.

Speaker 1 The psyche of a degenerate

Speaker 1 gambler is a very fragile thing.

Speaker 1 It just, it is always teetering on absolute destruction, and he just tipped over the whole apple cart. And I didn't sleep all Friday night.
I feel like shit right now.

Speaker 1 I lost every bet all weekend all because of Steven Chase. So, yeah, you know what, Hank? He probably deserved more tweets than that.
The worst part is your confidence is shot now. Totally shot.

Speaker 1 I don't see anything.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if you go into the season thinking like this, you're done to the next one. No, I'm already done.
Listen, I'm already done for life, but this is the thing. Like,

Speaker 1 you can't do that to someone. You can't hot tip a guy two hours later.
A hot tip? I'll always take a hot tip. Yeah, you will.
I know. That's like, remember that hot tip you took a couple weeks ago?

Speaker 1 What was that? Just somebody tweeted at me like

Speaker 1 the Padres. I walked in the office.
Take the Padres today, and I was like, hot tip. I walked in the office, and

Speaker 1 our seat, we sit with like the gambling corner, and the idiots that we work with, Big Ev and Marty Mush, and I say that in an endearing way because they know they're idiots.

Speaker 1 They're like, hey, PFT got a hot tip. And so I was like, let me search this on Twitter.
It was a fucking Twitter egg with like four followers who tweeted PFT said, take the Padres today.

Speaker 1 That's what made it so hot. I was like, shit, now I got to take him too.
That's what made it so hot was because this guy was so mysterious. He had four followers.

Speaker 1 I was like, he's got to know something. So Stephen Shea deserves all the wrath that

Speaker 1 is coming to him. And apparently we have a bunch of AWLs in the scouting department in the Bucs.
So shout out those guys. Any more hot tips you want to send them before kickoff?

Speaker 1 It's usually the best time. Text me.

Speaker 1 That's it. That's when he's back.
That's all. All right.
All right. Thanks for getting me riled up again.
Thank you. Bill Walton's also back.
Yes. He announced the White Sox game.
Oh, dude.

Speaker 1 The best quote of all time in the intro to that game, Bill Walton saying, I've been dead for many years now. And then he said he wouldn't be a catcher because he can't get low.

Speaker 1 He does better getting high.

Speaker 1 Just seamlessly. And then every single ball that got hit, he was like, oh, oh, oh, that was a foul ball.

Speaker 1 That's relatable, though. Yeah, no, it is relatable.
But he also would catch. I've done that.
He would like someone would hit a pop-up to the left field. He'd be like, get out! Get out!

Speaker 1 And it was 40 yards away from the fence. He's like, go, go, ball, go.
Also relatable. Yes.
Bill Walton watching a baseball game is just, it's incredible. He should do way more games.

Speaker 1 I don't know why they haven't thought of this, but he should just do everything. When they do the Ocho on ESPN, it should just be Bill Walton just sleep-deprived for 36 hours,

Speaker 1 discussing Cornhole, talking about dodgeball. You name it.
We said something nice about MLB, so now we can say something mean. It's insane that they didn't have that game on national television.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Like, MLB Network, you are there for a reason. Who the fuck cares what's going on on Friday night? Bill Walton is calling the Angels versus the White Sox.

Speaker 1 Idiots. Real shame.
Idiots.

Speaker 1 My who's back of the week is... Is that it, Hank? We're done? That's it.
Okay.

Speaker 1 My who's back. Hang on one second.
I lost mine. I feel like I just woke Big Ken out of a coma.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm upset still. Where's my who's back?

Speaker 1 I seriously have not won a bet since. He put me on the worst tilt.

Speaker 1 It was 0-3. I went 0-3 because of it because I should have gone 1-0 and I went 0-2 instead.
That's a three-unit swing.

Speaker 1 Okay, my who's back of the week is winning bets when I'm gambling at football. I've been on a hot streak this week.
Fuck you. I've been blazing hot.
You want to know what my tip is? The overs.

Speaker 1 So the only over that didn't hit for me this week that I bet on was that Tampa Bay game. So I've been riding high.

Speaker 1 I'm feeling really good.

Speaker 1 And I've got some hot. You know my hot tip? I took the over on this Seahawks game.
It's not going to hit.

Speaker 1 So did I. It's not going to hit.
But I took the live. You know why? I took the live stream.
You know why? Because

Speaker 1 I looked into it very strongly in the second quarter, and I put my money where my mouth is. And this one's going to hit too.
So I'm feeling great about that. It's not going to hit.

Speaker 1 I'm winning all the money. My other who's back of the week is Greenland.
Greenland is back in a big way. Why that fucking thing?

Speaker 1 Real estate markets are booming there because it was reported, I believe on Friday, that Donald Trump is looking very strongly into purchasing Greenland.

Speaker 1 And he's made the suggestion several times to the point where they're not sure if he's joking about it anymore.

Speaker 1 Now, it doesn't matter that Greenland isn't selling, but we're looking very strongly into buying it.

Speaker 1 Listen, if you've worked in real estate like I have, not to brag, even though it was the worst real estate career of all time, there's always a price.

Speaker 1 You walk up to a house and you're like, hey, listen, are you selling? And they say no. Guess what? If you throw some cash around, they'll fucking sell.

Speaker 1 Unless it's owned by one of those old Scottish guys that lives on Trump's golf courses in Aberdeen and refuses to sell. So they have to build a hole around his house.

Speaker 1 President Trump is essentially

Speaker 1 from Napoleon Dynamite. Remember when Uncle Rico sells a Tupperware? And the woman's like, I want that.

Speaker 1 He's just looking at Greenland like, I want that. I want that.
I mean, just for the I fucking love cocaine memes, like Greenland is prime territory for that. Yes.

Speaker 1 When people say President Trump wants to buy Greenland, is Trump buying Greenland or is America? It's confusing. It's confusing.
You know what? It's probably just a golf course.

Speaker 1 I could see it go either way, to be honest with you. Yeah, he might just think it's just a giant putting green.
Yeah. He's like, yeah, I want to buy Greenland.
Yes, exactly.

Speaker 1 Imagine how many courses I could go in. It could be as simple as that.
Yes. That is.

Speaker 1 All right. My Who's Back is judging MMA fights on their marketability.
So Ravel is back. We had a great UFC.
I think it was 241. Awesome fights.

Speaker 1 At what point are they going to give up just the numbers? No,

Speaker 1 I think that's the coolest thing because then you get to hype up. Like 500 is going to be, dude, you're going to miss UFC 500? I'm not going to miss 500.
They should bring it back for 500.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to miss 250. That's coming up.
That's a good point. Right, yeah.
Keep it going until 250. But then, I don't know, just give it like a nickname, like the Rumble in the Jungle.

Speaker 1 Everyone wanted to tune into that shit. It sucks for Rough and Rowdy because we're at Rough and Rowdy 9.
We just feel. Although, Although that's history.

Speaker 1 You could be like, I watched UFC, you know, number three with Butterbean. It was sick.

Speaker 1 All right. So Revelle, he loves to do this.
After a great UFC fight, great card.

Speaker 1 Recurring guest, Steve Amiocic and Daniel Cormier fought in the headliner. Shout out Nate Diaz, by the way, after he won.
And they're like, why did you take three years off?

Speaker 1 And he just said, because everyone fucking sucks. Yeah.
That's an awesome thing to do. Take three years off and then come in and just kick everyone's ass.

Speaker 1 Revell, though, said incredible fight, but the less marketable one wins again. He judges all fights on who's the most marketable guy

Speaker 1 because he has no soul and he's a robot and doesn't actually care about watching sports. Exactly.
He probably didn't even watch the fight. It was an awesome card.
And then he has this thing.

Speaker 1 All-time nutshot, too. Yes.
Yes. Big-time nutshot.
He has this thing. And Daniel Cormier, who I love and great interview.

Speaker 1 You know, he doesn't have the best body. And when, you know, everyone's like, well, he's an unbelievable athlete, which he is.
Unbelievable athlete. You know, unbelievable college wrestler.

Speaker 1 I think he was a fantastic high school linebacker, all these things. But when you don't have a great body and then you lose specifically because you just get repeatedly punched in the gut, that hurts.

Speaker 1 It is tough. That hurts.
Here's a dumb question. Why did he stand up and box him?

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 it's hard to get guys down. It's hard to shoot is what they call it.
So he just decided to

Speaker 1 stand up. Well, he had him down in the first.
I thought it was going to be over. It's also tough.
You get tired. He's kind of been punch-cucked by Andy Ruiz recently.
Yeah. Like as our thick king.

Speaker 1 Our new thick overlord in combat sports happens to not be in MMA, but now he's the champion. Cormier lost his belt.
Right.

Speaker 1 Did they have to put an extension on the belt when he gets it? I think he had two belts at one point. That's true.
He did. Champ, champ.
But anyway, Ravel also has this new thing where when people say

Speaker 1 you must be fun at parties, he just is like, he replies, I'm a 41-year-old married man. I don't go to parties where people judge whether you are a blast or not.
Yeah, we know, dude.

Speaker 1 You weren't talking about a literal party we're going to invite you to. You know what? No one was going to do that.
Ravel,

Speaker 1 he's kind of showing himself. He used to be a real hit at parties before he was 41.
You don't want to be at a party when Ravel shows up with the anchovy pizza. Yeah, no, you don't at all.

Speaker 1 Like, he's a guy that walks in and ices somebody with a Sprite Zero. In 2026.
Yeah, gotcha.

Speaker 1 I filmed this is going to be great for my Instagram page that everyone hates. Hey, I got you a Christmas present in the middle of July.
Open this box. Boom.
Gotcha. Fucking Mountain Dew.
Dude, you.

Speaker 1 I brought Cards Against Humanity, but I took out all the funny ones. Anyone want to...
No, he wouldn't play.

Speaker 1 No, he'd do apples to... Anyone want to play apples to apples? Cards against humanity might be a little too risky.

Speaker 1 I made my own Cards Against Humanity, where every suggestion is just the after-tax value on a different NFL player's contract. You guys want to do make your own pizza at this Kegger?

Speaker 1 Fucking Revell. Fuck Revelle.
All right. Let's get to...

Speaker 1 Let's do our Mount Rushmore. Okay.

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Okay. Mount Rushmore of colors.

Speaker 1 PFT. Okay,

Speaker 1 a lot of pressure on this one because

Speaker 1 it's so open-ended. It's such a great category, too.
Okay, my first one, I'm going to go with blue.

Speaker 1 Just straight up blue. Okay.
Got to love blue. It's so versatile.
You got navy blue. Now, can we

Speaker 1 care? Can you get all the blues? I'm getting all the blues. I don't know if that's fair.
St. Louis blues.
No, I don't think that's fair. I don't think that's fair.

Speaker 1 I think you have to pick a certain blue i have to pick a certain blue there has to be another name in front of the blue or just yeah you have to pick a blue a type of blue okay i'm gonna go with navy blue then respect the troops great we're gonna go with royal blue oh okay i'm gonna go color of duke color of sky color my eyes no wait no sky color of sky sky blue is i'm gonna do i'm gonna do carolina blue

Speaker 1 color of sky so no no carolina blue and sky blue are different okay there's the fun part about this is you're gonna have some real like college football and college basketball weirdos yes explaining pantones to you because you can't say that it's sky blue.

Speaker 1 All right, so I'll go Carolina blue. Uh, who doesn't love that? Baby blue, also, a gay baby blueina blue.
Yeah, okay, so we just way to be in a frat, guys.

Speaker 1 We just went first three picks, blues, all blues, yeah. Okay, you guys want to get a sick button-down, we'll just wear different shades of blue.
Wait, is blue a frat color?

Speaker 1 I mean, like, the blue button-down is a very like, you know, like when you try to, like, hey, what do you have in your wardrobe? And it's just all blue. I don't know.
I played rugby, so that's true.

Speaker 1 Um, you You had a blue rugby shirt. Yeah, the navy blue one.

Speaker 1 Okay, but

Speaker 1 my second pick, so I have sky blue or no, Carolina blue is my first pick.

Speaker 1 My second pick, I'll do the color of money.

Speaker 1 Green. Green, okay.
What color of money? I was confused for that. Right, color of money.
Could have been silver. So money, money.
Money, green, gold. Money.
American green. Color

Speaker 1 green is my pick. Parentheses, green.
I'm going to go with something better than money, gold. Oh, oh.
Is that better than money? Really? It is. It is more valuable.
Big Notre Dame guy.

Speaker 1 You heard it for me. What do you think about Brian Kelly? Gold is more valuable than money.

Speaker 1 Okay. Gold.
You love gold. All right.

Speaker 1 See a bit greedy out of you guys.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go with black. All the colors.
Nice, goth. All the colors.

Speaker 1 This Bob Rushmore sucks. No.

Speaker 1 Dude,

Speaker 1 black

Speaker 1 is a sweet color. It's very intimidating.

Speaker 1 You can put it on your face and it distracts you from the sun. You can do that.
It's great. It's a wonderful color.
All right. My next one.

Speaker 1 Pander. How is that a pander? You know what is pander? I think I just like to say pander.

Speaker 1 All right, go ahead. Your second pop.

Speaker 1 And then I'm going to go with Prop Cat.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go with red. Nice.
Red, an intimidating color. Like I said, this is a terrible Mott Rush where nice.
Okay, blood red. No, no, no, no, no, no.
That wasn't you. That's not you doing it.

Speaker 1 It's the fact that we're doing a Martin Rush where we're like, red. Nice.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, think about it. It has nothing to do with you or our picks.
Right. It's just the ridiculousness of this.
No, red is an awesome color. It is.

Speaker 1 There have been studies that show that teams that wear red uniforms typically win more often. The Badgers always win nine to ten games in the Outback Bowl.
I will go with orange.

Speaker 1 Best Starburst flavor. Color of fire.
Charmander.

Speaker 1 Charmander. That's a triple crown right there.
I like it. Okay.

Speaker 1 Now, you're going to get a lot of people hating on your Starburst take, though.

Speaker 1 There are a lot of pink stands out there. How do you see? Yeah, there are a lot of pink stands out there, myself included.
Yeah, I'm a pink stand, too.

Speaker 1 Orange is definitely not the best, just so you know. I think most people agree it's not.

Speaker 1 They would say pink or red. Typically, those are one and one A.
All right, how about purple? The color of royalty. That's good.

Speaker 1 Love some purple.

Speaker 1 Love a little purp. Little purple drink.
The color of Paxton Lynch's cool new swaggy visor in Seattle. He's got a purple visor.

Speaker 1 Such a cocky move to be the the third-string quarterback with a visor.

Speaker 1 He's definitely going to be second-string. Maybe even first.
Tavis Jackson's, dude. Maybe.
That's right. Tavaris is out there in House.
No, Gino. It looks good.
Gino.

Speaker 1 I'm telling you, like, that purple visor. Look at this guy.

Speaker 1 So perfect. As I picked it, they just showed up

Speaker 1 a Vikings fan that looked like he had just been huffing a purple spray paint can for the last three years. It looked like he just took a facial from Grimace.
That was awesome.

Speaker 1 All right, my last pick. Hmm.

Speaker 1 I kind of want to to take another blue. I'm not going to lie.
Yeah, no, blues are hot. There's a lot more blues out there.

Speaker 1 I'll finish with... You know what? I'll go silver.
I'll go silver. I like silver.
It looks cool. Silver is good.
Yeah, silver looks cool. All right, Hank.
You're upset about silver?

Speaker 1 I mean, I was going to just take gray shot of Dak Prescott. Well, silver's kind of more of a...
It's a flashy,

Speaker 1 flashy gray.

Speaker 1 It's more of like your Friday night gray.

Speaker 1 It's real tough here. There's only like 6,000 colors left.

Speaker 1 God, you're stumped. Come on,

Speaker 1 come on, get to this point in the draft. Turquoise.

Speaker 1 Turquoise. Oh, nice.
All right, fancy. Kind of a blue.
Yeah, that's actually kind of like a showboat color. Yeah, a little bit of a blue there.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're like high-stepping a little bit without shorts, PFT. These are not turquoise, bro.
Who would have thought that the color Mount Rushmore would really break us apart?

Speaker 1 Here we are. This color doesn't exist in nature.
This is only... That's turquoise.
This color only exists on poisonous frogs. That's how you know it's awesome to wear.
Is that a cyan?

Speaker 1 I've never been eaten while wearing these shorts before. Is it a coral? It's a coral blue.
It's like a salmon blue.

Speaker 1 It's a foam green. If that makes sense.
Yeah. Pastel.
Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 What's your

Speaker 1 last piece? My last pick.

Speaker 1 That's awesome, Mount Ryan. I think I'm going to go with Seahawks trim green.

Speaker 1 That neon green. So now we're just saying we literally just went purple, Seahawks green.
We're just picking things we're watching. Well, okay, you want me to change it up? No, no, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I have a a better way to describe it. It is.
It's a good color. I had it written down.
The color of Baja Blast. That's my last pick.
Okay. Baja Blast greenish blue.
No, that is a good.

Speaker 1 I had that written down as well.

Speaker 1 You had Baja Blast written down? No, I had the Seahawks neon green kind of. It is cool.
Tennis ball yellow. It's maybe a Baylor, kind of when they wear the Baylor basketball.
Not the basketball team.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, the basketball team. Basketball team is not problematic.

Speaker 1 Those jerseys stink.

Speaker 1 You don't like them? Oh, the new Michigan State ones are disgusting. The Baylor one's disgusting.
Terrible.

Speaker 1 What got

Speaker 1 left off the list? White. How about

Speaker 1 isn't white not a color? Wasn't this an original debate? White is the absence of color. Right.
Yeah. It's kind of an SJW move on your part, leaving white off the list.

Speaker 1 No, but it's not a color. The blue checkmark blue? Ooh, that's a good one.

Speaker 1 The Instagram orange? I did have royal blue.

Speaker 1 Oh, the green when you're in the close friend group on Instagram stories. Yeah, that's a fucking cool That's pretty good when you feel like you're in the club.
Shout out to Sophia Julia.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm in her club too.

Speaker 1 We all are probably funny. What about Zubaz? Zubaz, does that count as its own color? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, sure. Why not? Okay.
Zubaz should have been on the list then.

Speaker 1 Big mistake.

Speaker 1 Let's see. Pink.
No one picked pink. I guess we don't talk about masculinity.
Breast cancer awareness.

Speaker 1 It's kind of shitty on our part. Neon.

Speaker 1 Just neon. Just the neons.
All of them. Camo.
What about camo?

Speaker 1 You can't can't see it. Digital camo.
So nobody knows if it's good or not. Yeah, yeah.
Uh-huh. Exactly.
Good point.

Speaker 1 Anything else? This was a riveting mode. I was thinking if I could make a case for Brown, but I feel like I would have just got it.
The Brown's uniforms I love. But they're orange.
Yeah. Yeah.
Fire.

Speaker 1 And the brown stripe, the skid mark that goes down the helmet once you prove that you've got what it takes to be a brown. Mm-hmm.
This guy. Maybe just like a heartbeat.
I found this picture.

Speaker 1 This guy really, that is the worst. We got to put that out there right when I picked Brown.
It does look like he took a load from Grimace, doesn't it? He's even got the white stripe in there.

Speaker 1 He did not do well with the face paint.

Speaker 1 There's something about the face paint NFL fan that's just, they are like the cream of the crop. They're salt of the earth.

Speaker 1 They're the only NFL fan that's better in England than in the United States because in England, you get to people that look like cartoon, just like cartoon versions of whatever the mascot is.

Speaker 1 We need to make a barstool documentary just following the big face paint fans from the moment they wake up on Sunday to the moment they get.

Speaker 1 Actually, let's follow them all the way to their office on Monday morning. You have to get them going to work because you know that they've got some residual in the eyebrow and like the stubble.

Speaker 1 It's like, hey, dude, you got something on your... Oh, shit.
I got that neon green because I've been standing in the end zone of the Seahawks game all Sunday.

Speaker 1 If you wear face paint to an NFL game, you should be required to wear it all week at work. Yes, afterwards.
I like that rule. New rule.
New rule. New rule.
Okay, let's get to our interview.

Speaker 1 We're going to first do Danny Vitel and John Kuhn, and then we'll have Mike Florio. What's up, guys? It's Big Cat here, making my Irish entrance with proper number 12 Irish whiskey.

Speaker 1 How do you make an Irish entrance? You ask? It starts with a shot of proper number 12 Irish whiskey because real friends don't let friends Irish exit a party without a story to tell.

Speaker 1 Original proper number 12 is rich in a smooth blend of golden grain and single malt. Age four years in bourbon barrels.
Mix it up with some ginger ale for a classic and refreshing proper ginger.

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Speaker 1 So get out there and make your Irish entrance. Anything else just wouldn't be proper.
Hey, okay, here they are: John Kuhn and Danny Vital.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on fullbacks for the former fullback for the

Speaker 1 Green Bay Packers, John Kuhn. Current fullback for the Green Bay Packers, Danny Vitel.
We start every show with fullbacks where we just say how much we squat, $450.

Speaker 1 $5.50. Oh, shit.
I did $5.51. Did you? That's more, yeah.
Nice. What do you squat?

Speaker 1 I think it was $5.52.5 if you had that two-pound, two and a half or

Speaker 1 two. That was

Speaker 1 the real small clip one. Yeah, I'm one and a quarter.
Well, we were talking before we just went live that Danny tried to outmeet you

Speaker 1 weight room. What does that look like? He definitely outmeeted me.
Well, I said we're going to roll in with these guys in like 20 minutes. He's like, all right.

Speaker 1 Fucking disappears for 20 minutes, comes back. He's all swelled up.

Speaker 1 You're trying to get the vascularity up, you know?

Speaker 1 He rolled into the weight room. That was smart.

Speaker 1 Shrugs beforehand. That was smart.
Very smart. I actually believe that's true because I've seen.
There are a lot of pictures that you've put on Instagram yourself that you've tweeted out yourself.

Speaker 1 You're kind of like Julian Edelman. You're the king of thirst thirst traps of the Midwest right now.
It's like Muscles Marinera, look at me. I'm the soullest fullback in the land.

Speaker 1 Not very gritty of you. How do you defend your vanity? Hey, man, I think with that, with something like that, if you got it, flaunt it.
I think there's nothing wrong with that.

Speaker 1 I work hard to look the way I look, and

Speaker 1 it's worth putting it out there. How much can you curl?

Speaker 1 That's a good question. You know exactly how much you curl.
No, no, no. It's reps because it actually makes your arms look bigger.
Yeah, you know what I mean? Like, it's all about getting the pump.

Speaker 1 That's my mistake. It's the appearance of looking big, not actually.

Speaker 1 What do you rep? You curl like 120, but I don't ever do reps. My arms are squat.
Like, for a guy who would like to get bigger biceps, what do you do? What's your secret?

Speaker 1 You got to do at least four sets of 15. Okay.

Speaker 1 And pretty much just hit every angle possible. All the angles.
Okay. Like outside, inside.
Yeah. Hammer curl.
Hammer curls, of course. This one, that's hammer, right? Yeah.
Hammer curls, okay.

Speaker 1 How would you squat for real? It's probably right around the same thing, like 550. Jesus.
Fuck. Your legs are about as big as Doug Barone's.
Yeah, you know, the calves are just genetic, too.

Speaker 1 I don't do anything for that. Oh, wow.
That's nice. That's good genes.

Speaker 1 All right. So

Speaker 1 fullback to fullback, have you guys had like a talk about being the fullback at the Green Bay Packers and what it means? Because you had a legacy. Everyone, Channing Kuhn.

Speaker 1 I think they were booing you, but whatever.

Speaker 1 In Chicago, they might have been built. Yeah, they definitely were.
So have you had a talk with Danny? Like, this is what it means. This is my legacy, my name that you're stepping into?

Speaker 1 Most definitely. I didn't say it was my legacy.
I said it was the Packer legacy.

Speaker 1 I told him, I did tell you, this offense is set up sweet for him. I mean, his set of skills,

Speaker 1 you don't play Lorenzo Neal fullback anymore in the NFL, which was an awesome fullback, but you're not just sledding downhill smoking your face mask on another guy's face mask.

Speaker 1 You got to be versatile. You got to be able to catch 20-yard, 30-yard passes downfield, and you got to be able to run the football.

Speaker 1 What Juice does out there in San Francisco, you're going to see a lot of that out of Danny this year.

Speaker 1 Are you excited to play that type of fullback, or is there a part of you that's like, I do want to smoke my face mask, another guy's face mask?

Speaker 1 No, I mean, that's something everybody wants to do as a fullback. Like, if you don't have that mentality, you're never going to make it in this league as a fullback.

Speaker 1 So, one thing, I played at Northwestern, obviously, I kind of played that like H-back. They called it a super back there.

Speaker 1 That's badass. That's a great name.
That's a great name.

Speaker 1 You want to come play super back? I'd rather play super back than fullback.

Speaker 1 In the least glamorous position, you give it the most glamorous name. I think he needs to change the fullback.
Yeah, he may be super back. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 So that was kind of my original skill set: like that versatility and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 And then when I was in Cleveland for two years, I had to learn how to be that hand in the ground, you know, just go smash faces, get that mentality out of it.

Speaker 1 So now that I can kind of combine the two, this is just the perfect system for that.

Speaker 1 Would you say, so speaking of Northwestern, would you say that Northwestern has the greatest home advantage of any school in the entire country? Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Keep the grass long, keep everybody else slow. Play at 11 a.m.
That's a Chicago thousand people. That's a Chicago thousand people.
Because the Bears do the same thing.

Speaker 1 They try and maul you to sleep when you get there. They take fast teams and try and slow them down.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, the Park District owns, like, runs Soldier Field, so that's their fault for fucking it up. But so, were you on the team when you guys played Stanford at the beginning of the year? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 That was the worst football game ever. That was awesome.
Hey, we got the Ws. Yeah.
And we took them out of probably a national championship run. Yes, that was.

Speaker 1 And that was the quintessential Northwestern home advantage. It was 11 a.m.
early September, and it was Sleepwalk City for Stanford. I think they punted from your 40.
You guys punted from their 35.

Speaker 1 It was a punt fest. I think we did the same thing in Wisconsin.
Oh, yeah. Either maybe the year before or something like that.

Speaker 1 Exact same thing. Yes.
Yes. Oh, yeah.
I always, whenever I look at the Wisconsin schedule, I always am like, all right, if they have to go to Evanston, it's going to be a trap. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Because you play that early game. Yeah,

Speaker 1 you don't lose at home in Northwest. Right.
It's a little different. It's a little weird.
Were you also on the team team that played that night game against Ohio State?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I want to say that was game day. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 same thing. We're winning the whole game.
And then you fumbled and lost the spread. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I remember that one. Yeah, we remember.
Remember hearing about that one? I always wondered about that. When you grow the grass out to slow the other guys down, doesn't it just slow you down too?

Speaker 1 Well, we're slow already.

Speaker 1 But don't you also get slower? No, I mean, I guess so, but we're also used to playing on that field all the time.

Speaker 1 S guys don't know how to run in slow condition. Oh,

Speaker 1 guys, you don't know how to slow condition. I like that.
You've been slow your whole life.

Speaker 1 So a slow guy can almost be faster than a fast guy if it's slow condition. If you slow it down enough.

Speaker 1 We went down to Chicago one time with Ryan Grant, one of the fastest guys I've ever played with. He would get out of the backfield and just start stumbling.
He had a hard time on that field.

Speaker 1 Now, if he got away from it, he still ran fast. He'd still run, and he did have an 80-yard touchdown in Chicago.
But sometimes, man, those fast guys, they just can't handle that grasping that long.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I want to talk to you real quick about your Lambo leap because I think you had the greatest Lambo leap of all time.
The one that I made it or the one that I did? No, the one that you didn't.

Speaker 1 The one where you got right up to the wall and you tried so hard to get up there into the first row. I think you got like six inches off the ground.
No, I didn't get any inches off the ground.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, you're committed to low pad level, which I appreciate. Have you talked to Danny at all and given him any tips about the Lambo leap? Did you see his calves?

Speaker 1 The guy's not going to have a problem, okay? These calves were made for jumping. That's just what they're going to do.
He's going to be just fine getting up into the standard.

Speaker 1 So you think he's going to score? Oh, he's going to score touchdowns. Oh, how many? He's going to be a weapon.
I bet you

Speaker 1 I put the over-under to five. Okay.

Speaker 1 I touched that. All-time record for a superback.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Going back to Northwestern for one more question. Coach Cheryl obviously made a ton of press with his cell phone speech.

Speaker 1 Do you use your cell phone or has it also gotten in your head, like, I can't use my cell phone because of the Northwestern way? No.

Speaker 1 No, I'm definitely always on the cell phone still. I mean you guys see the Instagram.
Yeah, yeah, always on social media. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I enjoy it, man. It's a lot of fun.
What'd you think about that speech? Because I actually thought it was perfect for Northwestern. It wouldn't work other places.

Speaker 1 You know, I think like as far as like other places, though, you got to look at like ticket prices and game day experience right now.

Speaker 1 I mean, I think that might be affecting more so than the cell phone thing. Like you said, at Northwestern, it might be cell phones, but other places, more so ticket prices and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 Like people would rather watch from home. You could watch eight games on TV at once

Speaker 1 than go to a game and spend $500 or whatever it costs to get in there and pay for food.

Speaker 1 It is the ultimate

Speaker 1 conundrum that football finds itself in is that it is just built for TV. It is the ultimate couch sport.
Especially you see it so much better on TV. Right.

Speaker 1 You're trying to watch it in a stance and you're, I mean, you can't tell if a guy got the first down, didn't make the catch, who the heck the guy even was. Sometimes you can't even tell who it was.

Speaker 1 You watch it on TV, you see it from 50 different angles.

Speaker 1 It's better to watch it on TV.

Speaker 1 And then, I mean, you sit on your couch with all your buddies and drink some Bud Light, and you're just chilling there for $20 rather than buying a $20 single beer at a football game.

Speaker 1 You can watch all the games, not just one. Which is pretty nice too, especially if you're a gambler like us.
John, when you retired, you retired with exactly...

Speaker 1 I think a yards per carry average of 3.0. I did that on purpose.
I was going to ask you about that.

Speaker 1 That is the pinnacle of being a fullback right there. Not enough to

Speaker 1 really stand out in the stat sheet, but also just keeping the chains moving. That was in your mind when you were like, Yeah, it was difficult.

Speaker 1 My last four career runs netted exactly negative two yards to do that, so that was a challenge, but we made it happen. It's actually not moving the chains.
No, if you do it four times in a row.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're going four down fourth? On fourth and one? If you hit John Kuhn, you're going to go forward on four. I don't know.
It would have been nice if you had 3.3 or 3.3. No, no.

Speaker 1 3.3 repeating and then get that little extra little piece. If you had pie.

Speaker 1 Then it just looks weird. Okay.
3.0 looks and sounds good.

Speaker 1 Talking about weird things, when you retired, you mentioned your luncheon costumes with Aaron Rodgers. What were those?

Speaker 1 Well, we just tried to do anything as outlandish as could possibly be because we found ourselves at the end of camp just brain dead and just mushy.

Speaker 1 So we said, let's go to this luncheon, which is a heck of a lot of fun for anybody out there watching.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 we'd go to these luncheons and we had to find a way to spirit it up and make it fun for us and make it fun for the fans. So we would dress up as pilots, astronauts, cowboys.

Speaker 1 I mean, Danny's already got the stash going, but we'd grow that stuff out for six weeks for camp and then just come in with the gnarliest thing you could have just to try and get some excitement going.

Speaker 1 So sticking with Rodgers, you famously told us that Aaron Rodgers didn't talk to you for three years. Has he shunned you yet? No, actually, you know, I would say it's kind of picked up a lot.

Speaker 1 Obviously, you start making plays and stuff like that. He starts noticing and stuff.
But no, no, he's a great dude.

Speaker 1 He's been talking to me a bunch so uh i think a lot of that's just making fun of the instagram and stuff but okay it's been good okay he you obviously that was a joke but there was no he might no he shuns he shuns he'll he'll shun you shun off shun on yeah he will he'll he'll he'll yeah it's like a fog mask it's like comes through

Speaker 1 yeah he'll get you it's usually in the offseason when he leaves green bay i i think his phone doesn't work from different area codes i'll back you up on that one that's for sure he goes i don't want to be bothered yeah oh yeah huh are you ready to hit somebody else yet oh can't wait i mean we we had the joint practice this week, too, so we had a chance to do some of that.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I can't wait, man. That's always the best thing is when you don't have to go against the same damn people every single day.
It makes a big difference. You think J.J.

Speaker 1 Watt was faking his injury because he didn't want to get chipped by you?

Speaker 1 I actually had an opportunity to chip him. Totally, I totally whiffed.
Oh, really? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 But it's one of those things where, like, you don't want to get the back on that guy in the first place.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Uh-huh.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, you, Danny, you're a big boxing and MMA guy. Yeah.
Do you do it in the offseason? Yeah, all the time. And how does it help as a fullback?

Speaker 1 Well, the way I try to explain it to people is like, obviously, like from a meathead perspective, I'm trying to lift all the time. So it gets me real loose.

Speaker 1 Obviously, I'm doing the kickboxing, boxing, hips, everything like that gets loose. And then it's just transferring force from

Speaker 1 one spot to another.

Speaker 1 Really, and then it's just the mentality. I mean, that's what you've got to carry over to football, especially as a fullback in this day and age.

Speaker 1 If you don't have that mentality, you're not going to make it in the league long as a fullback. So are you ever going to get in the octagon?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's definitely a bucket list item for me. I'd love.

Speaker 1 You can fight in Rough and Rowdy, yeah. Our boxer.

Speaker 1 I was going to say, I'm definitely fighting rough and rowdy. We'll get you up against another fullback.
Who can you fight? I don't know.

Speaker 1 John Coon. John Kuhn.
That's perfect. Yeah.
No, you're not stepping in the octagon. You're ready.
Listen, I grappled one offseason to get ready for football. That is the worst shit in the world.

Speaker 1 And that's grappling. That's not throwing fisticuffs.
I don't want anything to do with that stuff.

Speaker 1 I still have my mind. I'm going to do the best I can to keep what I have left.
Danny, have you thought about rocking the cowboy collar? Just like a big-ass neck roller or something like that?

Speaker 1 You know, if it was like back in the old days, 100% would.

Speaker 1 Now that I'm actually running routes and have to look up for the fucking ball half the time,

Speaker 1 I can't. I would not get in the way.
We're actually keeping track. So this year we implemented a stat.
We had somebody go back and do the math on it last year. A fullback assist.

Speaker 1 We invented a brand new stat this year. It's when you set a block on somebody and they score a touchdown.

Speaker 1 If they're lined up with a fullback and a a running back within five yards, if the tailback scores a touchdown and you hit the block, then you get an assist, which is a stat that I feel like has been missing from the NFL for a very long time.

Speaker 1 So I think Devlin led the league in it last year. But we're starting a campaign to make it like an actual fantasy stat.
Yeah, no, is it only on touchdowns?

Speaker 1 I mean, can't you leave it on like short yardage runs? No, it's got to be touchdowns. Yeah, I mean, I guess you could for a first down in theory, but I feel like, you know, we'll implement it slowly.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did you trademark this? Because you don't want the NFL stealing it. Right now, now i just trademarked it right now trademark

Speaker 1 trademark

Speaker 1 pro bft yeah well license because you know chris collinsworth is gonna pair this and steal it immediately oh pro football focus yeah

Speaker 1 that's gone that's you need it uh so fullbacks do you guys you know how like kickers always meet in the middle or the quarterbacks meet in the middle do you do fullbacks do that after games i don't know if i i did always because i listen man it's a small fraternity and you better keep that brotherhood alive yeah

Speaker 1 they're trying to do away with the position no we need to make a stand stand here we might strike soon i mean yeah next cpa we might sit out you guys need to get we need to get like the uh endangered species list if it was just like you know elephants and white rhinos and john coon but but the weird part is you start finding yourself like some of those teams don't have fullbacks so you're like all right who's the shortest fastest tight end yeah exactly on him i'm gonna go say what's up to him oh yeah i i try to i try to go talk to him every single time it's the same thing i would say it's like the fullback fraternity yeah um every every time i go look and try and find them uh, actually, I always try to find out who they are before the game starts too, like look on the roster, height, weight, see all that stuff.

Speaker 1 Oh, see what they get.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, squat, yeah, but then when you go meet with the master, you know, kind of give them the eyeball test, stuff like that. That's great.

Speaker 1 The jeep wave for fullbacks is just looking at you being like, just how much you squat, bro. Yo, dude, you look pretty rocked up.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 doing anything, you're doing anything extra? Like, what are you doing? Any new, any new workouts I need to know about? My ship vein looks good out there, dude.

Speaker 1 Oh, I fucking love it. I love it.

Speaker 1 All right. You're going to be a journalist now.
I'm going to try. Yeah, I'm going to try.
If you need any tips, yeah. What do you got for me?

Speaker 1 You can swear on the podcast.

Speaker 1 I got that. I got it out early.
No, you can swear on the broadcast, too.

Speaker 1 You can't do that.

Speaker 1 Shit. Well, that's why I got it out here.

Speaker 1 You got to get as many out as you can. Have you had to catch yourself? Because it is a different side of your brain.

Speaker 1 When we go on TV or do radio, it's like, okay, you got to remember, remember, remember. Well,

Speaker 1 my wife is on my ass all the time.

Speaker 1 Right setting, John. Right setting.
So, I mean, I have her in the back. I mean, it's, it's a, her name's Lindsay.
I call her Lindsay Switch.

Speaker 1 Right setting. Right settings about this.
So, yeah, so, so I'm kind of prepared. I kind of under, I already have that switch programmed in my head.

Speaker 1 You should just do like subtle references to gambling like Al Michaels does. And everybody loves that.
Be like, and this one, it's over. Yeah.
You know, one of those ones. Oh, yeah.
Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 Kind of ruined people's days. Yes.
Uh-huh. Yes.
Well, for most people, like us,

Speaker 1 we don't bet the under. We just

Speaker 1 don't bet the over sometimes. Right, exactly.
Just don't bet the over. Well, sometimes, yeah.
That's all right. You know what you bet, though.
It's just the over. You only bet the over.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He was just being nice to the under. And he was just trying to get the best.
All the under people out there.

Speaker 1 He's trying to be diplomatic. Well, you got to.
You want people to think you're betting the under, so they bet the under so that the line comes down and then you bet the over. That's right.

Speaker 1 We should start manipulating the line. Yes, we should.
That would be. I mean, you guys got enough following.
You could.

Speaker 1 No, because everyone, they would just they would call the reverse of what i do because i'm so bad they would also just call bullshit on us be like you guys aren't betting the i yeah

Speaker 1 that's horseshit a lot of people have gotten rich fading me publicly so i think that would that would have the uh reverse effect are you doing that to yourself too you're just kind of oh i've done oh yeah i mean come on you got i've done costanza weekends where i just go gut pick and then flip them yeah yeah the human body has a weird way of just like knowing when to reverse itself though yeah because then you mentally say i actually kind of like this and then you reverse it whatever it's a whole thing thing.

Speaker 1 All right, my last question. Danny, as a Bears fan, are you going to fumble on purpose September 5th? Absolutely not.
Okay. No,

Speaker 1 I'm full on Green Bay now. Yeah, but

Speaker 1 they pay me.

Speaker 1 I know, I know, but you should think it's a little bit like, oops. Oops.

Speaker 1 No, I wouldn't be shocked at the family's wearing Bears stuff, though, so I'm going to have to still try and convert some of them. Yeah, that will be fun.
That'll be fun.

Speaker 1 So are they going to come up to Green Bay for the game when the Bears play here? That will be interesting. I'm sure they'll be at both of them for sure.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you actually, if you're having a good year, you can maybe get them some TPs. Wait, how many tickets are you going to have to get for that Bears game? It's going to be a price.

Speaker 1 Last year was what? Christmas or the 23rd? Oh, well, then you can change. Yeah, I have Christmas gifts for 40.
You can't do Christmas gifts in September now. Yeah, I'll tell you what.

Speaker 1 Here's a Christmas gift. You can use SeatGeek promo code Grit and get 20 bucks off all those tickets for the family, save you some coin on the flip side.
Yeah. And the SeatGeek question is...

Speaker 1 I already did. Oh, I didn't do it.
No, no. The SeatGeek question is,

Speaker 1 why did Big Cat think that I already did the SeatGeek question?

Speaker 1 Actually, written out with Matt Laurie. Reverse.
Reverse.

Speaker 1 Beep, beep. That's my backup noise.
Beep, beep. Shout out to golf carts.
What's the best block you guys have ever had?

Speaker 1 I mean, mine, I blocked. Well, since we're on the Bears Kick, I blocked Julius Peppers.

Speaker 1 It was late career, Julius Peppers. Well, we wanted to be a little bit more careful.
Actually, no, late, late was here. No, it wasn't late because, well, late, late, late was Carolina.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, late.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, he was a beast for me. No, he was an absolute animal.
I mean, in all reality, I got lucky.

Speaker 1 It was a lucky block, and he just happened to jump at the same time, so it made it look really good on my part.

Speaker 1 It made it look really good, but we won a division, and then they released him, and he came and played with us, so that was a lot of fun. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm going to kind of change it a little bit, but the biggest collision I ever had was like two years ago, I think.

Speaker 1 Me and Miles Jack, we were just running like an ISO play, and we just fucking collided. And, you know, you kind of get your head bounced back, seeing stars.
And I look at him.

Speaker 1 First of all, it felt like my head was just a totally different shape.

Speaker 1 And I looked at him. We were like, fuck.

Speaker 1 Dab each other up. And then I end up running off the field and I take off my helmet.
I'm like I said, checking, making sure my head's not like a different shape.

Speaker 1 Turned my face mask around and it was just fucking caved in. Oh, it's like.
Like my whole face mask. So I got to keep that.
So that was my biggest collision. That was pretty cool.
That's pretty sick.

Speaker 1 That's the only way you get to keep helmets, too, in the NFL. They don't really give you a whole lot of stuff.
If you break your face mask. Yeah.
I remember hearing, what was his name?

Speaker 1 The fullback on the Lions, was it Schlesinger back in the day? Yeah. He broke like 14 face masks.
Oh, yeah, he always showed the paint coming off of it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 When you get the paint off your helmet, that's when you know you're a fullback. Yeah, I like that you just refer to the biggest collision of your career.

Speaker 1 Not the best block, just like

Speaker 1 the most painful thing. No, no, no, no, no, no.
This game is a game, yeah. You guys dapped each other up in the middle.
Oh, yeah, no, yeah.

Speaker 1 We literally looked at each other and we're like, fuck, man, that was

Speaker 1 awesome. Yeah.
How did happened on the play? I mean, it was, I don't even know. know.
It probably was like a

Speaker 1 play's 50 yards downfield. They're just dapping each other, spraying each other by accident.

Speaker 1 Might have been awesome. Four-hardy gain, for all I know.

Speaker 1 Not to be offensive, how'd you get into Northwestern?

Speaker 1 See, here's the, here,

Speaker 1 John's going to back me up on this, though.

Speaker 1 Fullbacks get the rap that we're not smart people. I think they're some of the fucking smartest guys on the football field because we've got to know every line scheme,

Speaker 1 whether it's a a run game or pass game, we got to know all the protections. You got to know every route, at least in this offense now.

Speaker 1 Got to know every single route because they'll spread you out, put you in the slot. Basically, you got to know everything except for the quarterback's reads.

Speaker 1 So, I mean, I think you got to be a pretty smart guy. I know that's why Aaron loved him.
And we remind each other that after every single game when we need it to 50-yard line, you're smart.

Speaker 1 No, you're smart. You're smart.
You're smart. You're strong.

Speaker 1 What's the biggest muscle in your body? Is it the biceps of the brain? Wait. Oh, last question.
Last question.

Speaker 1 Did

Speaker 1 or Greenie ever pump up Northwestern when you were there? Oh, yeah, Greenu, big time, man. Yeah, he's.
Tell us about that. Oh, yeah.
Well, he actually, it was funny. He came in.

Speaker 1 He was an honorary captain one week. Okay.
And I guess he went into the training room and was like, hey, like, can you guys spat me up? Like, I want to get spatted before I go out there. What's that?

Speaker 1 Like, when you get the ankle tape, like, okay. You know, so like, okay.
So, like, he wanted to spat. We'll take you back to get out of here.
Yeah, but I've been spattered up.

Speaker 1 I've never been spatted before. I've never been spatted.

Speaker 1 I've been taped up.

Speaker 1 I've been lit up, but I've never been spatted before.

Speaker 1 So you spatted Greeny. Yeah, so he literally came out to give us our pregame pump-up speech in cleats and spat it up.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Which is pretty funny.
His wife was probably so mad. Green Knight, take your shoes off before you come in.

Speaker 1 I can't. I'm spatted.

Speaker 1 Unspat me.

Speaker 1 Ow, it hurts. Oh, man.
All right, guys. Thank you so much.
Appreciate it. This was awesome.

Speaker 1 Fullbacks to fullbacks. I fucking love it.
I'm going to look forward.

Speaker 1 If we open, say, in our squat, what do we do when we close, man? Bench. Oh, yeah, bench.
Yeah. What do you bench?

Speaker 1 Best or now? Best, all time. Come on.
What would you give us now? Unless now is. 435.
435. Yeah, mine's actually the exact same.
Oh, damn. One rep?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Telling you guys,

Speaker 1 watch out. Okay.
All right. I'm going to watch.
Are you more likely to lead the league in fullback touchdowns or fullback assists this year?

Speaker 1 Both. It's a tough one.

Speaker 1 Why not both? Both. The double crown? You've got like a fucking hype man here.
He's just walking around. He's just in the league.
Best hype. Humping you up.
We're fullbacks. We hype each other up.

Speaker 1 I'm going to get the 50-yard line tomorrow night.

Speaker 1 Great game, man. Oh, man.
All right. Thanks, boys.
Appreciate it. Thanks.
Thanks, Jess.

Speaker 1 I'm not going back to college to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber One for students.
It saves you on Uber and Uber Eats.

Speaker 1 I'm there for $0 delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 10% off smoothies, and 6% Uber credits back on rides. Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think college is for.

Speaker 5 Get Uber One for students, a membership to save on Uber and Uber Eats. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student.
Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary.

Speaker 5 Eligibility and member terms apply.

Speaker 1 And now, my internet dad, Mike Florio.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on our friend,

Speaker 1 my internet dad, internet uncle, Michael Florio. It's probably a little too early.
We were going to wait till September to,

Speaker 1 you know, have all the AWLs have to listen to you drone on about your fantasy team but we needed to have you on because Antonio Brown we makes no sense and we need you to explain it as a former lawyer what the hell is going on well I have noticed that during the off season you never invite me on there's plenty of asshole stuff that happens during the offseason but I'm on the pay-no-mind list from January until September except when you really really need me like right now

Speaker 1 correct that's exactly I mean we have Pete Prisco on in the offseason all the time right but just not you we want to keep you fresh you're not an every down back.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Well,

Speaker 4 but I think I can be.

Speaker 4 Every back that is not an every down back wants to be an every-down back. I want to be an every-down back.
I want to be on as often as I can. I think I can handle it.

Speaker 1 You're not a bell cow. I haven't had.
Yeah, the sooner you accept the fact.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're Chris Long. We'll use you maybe a couple third downs here and there.
All right.

Speaker 4 So, yeah, the helmet thing. This is the damnedest thing.
Now, it's a crazy situation because Antonio Brown, by all appearances, is being unreasonable.

Speaker 4 He refuses to give up the helmet that he's worn for more than 10 years. And this all started because the specific helmet he has is more than 10 years old.

Speaker 4 And because of that, it can't be recertified by this outside entity known as NOxI, N-O-C-S-A-E. So that was what they fought about for months.

Speaker 4 And as of last Monday, the end result was he can't wear this helmet. It's more than 10 years old.
It can't be recertified. And that was the end of it.
But then I had a reader

Speaker 4 who contacted Noxie and said, hey, if he finds the same model that's less than 10 years old, would you guys recertify it?

Speaker 4 And the guy who runs Noxie said, yeah, if he can find a shut air advantage that's less than 10 years old, we'll recertify it. And one thing leads to another.

Speaker 4 And the Raiders tell Antonio Brown, what the league told the Raiders, this works. If you can find a shut air advantage that's less than 10 years old and NOxI recertifies it, you can wear it.

Speaker 4 So Brown went to Twitter on Tuesday. You guys may have seen it, putting out the call for a shut air advantage made in 2010 or later.
He found several of them.

Speaker 4 They eventually found one made in 2014 for a movie because they quit making the thing officially in 2011.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 4 everything's moving in the direction of Antonio Brown wearing a shut air advantage that's less than 10 years old. The NFL had never banned and prohibited the shut air advantage.

Speaker 4 And then late in the week, the NFL tells Antonio Brown, sorry, we have to test this thing, and we're going to test it. If it fails, you can't wear it.
And then, of course, they tested it.

Speaker 4 It failed, and now we can't wear it. Even though Noxie recertified the helmet that Brown found and sent to them for reconditioning and recertification.

Speaker 4 So at best, it's been horrible communication between the Raiders, the NFL, and Brown's camp. At worst, I feel like...
They just want to win.

Speaker 4 They're just making it up as they go, as we often see them do, in order to get the result they want. The result they want is Antonio Brown doesn't get to wear the helmet he wants to wear.

Speaker 4 So that's it in a nutshell.

Speaker 1 Okay, so why does the NFL not want Antonio Brown to wear his preferred helmet?

Speaker 4 Well, I think what happened was the NFL never bothered to test a shut air advantage even though Antonio Brown was still wearing one. And that's the one thing that they won't flat out admit.

Speaker 4 Because what they've done over the past few years, they've begun to take out of service helmet models that they believe aren't sufficiently safe.

Speaker 4 Remember last year, Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers, and others were in that grace period where they let them wear the helmet one more year, even though the helmet itself was on the list of prohibited helmets.

Speaker 4 They gave them one more year to adjust, find a new helmet, and move on. They never put the shut air advantage on that list.
They rushed this week to test it and jam it onto that list.

Speaker 4 And I think one of the things Antonio Brown is currently upset about is Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers, and others got a year to transition out of their helmet once they knew that their helmet model was banned.

Speaker 4 But the NFL just banned the shut air advantage this week. Antonio Brown isn't going to get a year to transition out of it.
And look, you know, this is an intensely personal thing.

Speaker 4 Whether it's because guys think they look good in their helmet, they think they see better, they think they play better, whatever it is, they get used to it.

Speaker 4 Tom Brady still would love to wear his old helmet. He's admitted that.

Speaker 4 And I think that's one of the reasons why Antonio Brown's pissed off, because there's a sense that the NFL, once they recognized there was a loophole because they had failed to previously test the shut air advantage, they jammed that loophole shut to win.

Speaker 4 I mean, I can say they're doing it for health and safety and whatnot, but I think from Antonio Brown's perspective, he feels like he got screwed over here, that they did what they had to do, so they would win and he would lose and he would have to go find a new helmet that he would prefer not to have to find.

Speaker 1 Okay, so I guess, I mean, this whole thing is so stupid, and it makes sense what you're saying, that essentially the NFL put out the rule hoping that he wouldn't wouldn't find a helmet.

Speaker 1 Then they're just going to keep saying no to every single new helmet. Eventually, he's got to wear the new helmets.
I saw Mike Mayock today. Gruden and Mayok are playing a good cop, bad cop.

Speaker 1 Gruden basically saying we fully support him, blah, blah, blah. Mayok was like, you're all in or you're all out.
Shit or get off the pot. What do you think the conclusion of this is going to be?

Speaker 4 Well, he's, look, I mean, at a certain point, sanity has to prevail here.

Speaker 4 He's got 30 million fully guaranteed that he's going to make over the next two years in any helmet that the NFL will let him wear. So go pick another helmet.

Speaker 4 And even if you don't play as well as you think you're going to play, or even if you don't look as good as you would prefer to look, or whatever the case may be, you're still getting the 30 million.

Speaker 4 If you don't play, you lose the 30 million. That's a hell of a decision to pin on $30 million.

Speaker 1 And I'd like to think,

Speaker 4 for all of the craziness we've seen from Antonio Brown, I'd like to think that even he is not that warped that he would walk away from $30 million.

Speaker 1 I think he might be.

Speaker 1 If he doesn't look good, look good, play good. Next thing you know, they tell you that you can't dye your mustache blonde.
Right.

Speaker 1 It's a very slippery slope.

Speaker 4 But, you know, as weird as it sounds, I was talking to somebody from the union last night, and they said every week during the season, there are guys that pay, gladly, $5,000, $3,000, $10,000 fines because they want to have their socks as long as they want or as short as they want.

Speaker 4 The NFL says you're fine, and they don't care.

Speaker 4 They think if they, they really do think that.

Speaker 4 Chris Simpson told me that, which is ironic because he's never really played good, but he said you look good, you play good, and he always wanted wanted to look good, so at least he had half of it under control.

Speaker 4 But that's the mindset that these players have.

Speaker 1 He's just trying to cover up his Kyle Shanahan tattoo. That's why he wants to play it.
Well, that's true.

Speaker 4 The extra Long Socks cover up the Kyle Shanahan tattoo. That is true.
You know, I'm trying to get him to show that to me. He is so embarrassed about that now.

Speaker 4 I'm surprised he just hasn't gotten it removed. He's got the money to get it removed.
He refuses to show it to me.

Speaker 1 All right, so my last question is the most important question. What would you suggest we do for our fantasy team if our draft is?

Speaker 4 No, no, no, no, I'm not answering that question.

Speaker 1 No, I'm not saying I'm not asking.

Speaker 1 You're on your own. I'm asking.
No.

Speaker 1 We're putting out our official rankings of our first-round draft picks this week, and we don't know if it's worth taking a shot on them.

Speaker 4 Based upon the information that I have just shared, make your own decisions. That's all I'm saying.
I'm not making any fantasy advice, and I am definitely not sharing any money.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 1 Come on. You just don't want to say, did you have him last year?

Speaker 4 Don't. I'm not saying.
I am not. You are not going to get me to do that.

Speaker 1 You You must have had him last year. Yeah, you got burned.
Well, no, the problem is, like, if he's in a keeper league... Are you in a keeper league? Just

Speaker 1 answer that.

Speaker 1 Stop it.

Speaker 4 Guys, listen, it's not going to work on me this year.

Speaker 4 And even if that means you're not going to call me up every other week so you can mess with me and get me to talk about my fantasy team, I'm not going to do it.

Speaker 1 No, we really do care about fantasy football this year because Hank's starting a fantasy football podcast. Starting one, will you go on his show?

Speaker 4 Stop it.

Speaker 1 If Hank or Technology

Speaker 1 separately.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.
All right. Well, Mike, we'll see you in a couple weeks.
We'll probably text you on... You know the drill, Sunday night when we don't have a guest and it's like 9.30, we'll text you.

Speaker 4 Yeah, next time try to give me more than two minutes' notice.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 you're the fallback guy. You're our fall guy, Chris Carter.
Thanks.

Speaker 1 All right. Thanks.
Thanks, Dad. See ya.
See ya.

Speaker 6 The Pro Football Football Show is presented by the Chevy Silverado. Built for the hustle, ready for the game.
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Speaker 1 Okay, let's get to some segments. First up,

Speaker 1 we have Peter King Ates Trash Again. Oh, good.
So love that he's doing this because this happened right before we got in the studio to record. And Peter King, god damn it, you love eating that trash.

Speaker 1 He retweeted a parody account, a fake account that said sources confirmed that Raiders QB Derek Carr tried to convince Brown to change his mind, but Brown told Carr, I don't listen to no whack-ass Trump supporters.

Speaker 1 And Peter King quote-to- and said, Has any player ever done more to shoot his way out of town before ever playing a game there? Ray Carruth. Yeah, there you go.
But Peter King, way to go, man.

Speaker 1 Nothing like eating the trash.

Speaker 1 I don't think he should be allowed to be on Twitter past 6 p.m. Right.
After you get half an alagash white into Peter King, he should have a phone.

Speaker 1 He should have a breathalyzer on his phone like people do with their with their car ignitions. Right.
Where he should have to get on if he wants to quote, tweet, or retweet something.

Speaker 1 But more importantly, I just want to say if Peter King follows you on Twitter, it is your moral imperative to retweet as many bogus news stories as possible to his timeline.

Speaker 1 Fill his timeline with the fakest news stories. Yes.

Speaker 1 I'm glad that he did. I mean, it's preseason for Peter King, too, so he's probably going to get fooled a couple more times.
This is when Peter makes his big mistakes, by the way. Yes.

Speaker 1 Isn't the preseason, driving through bike lanes and just mowing down cyclists and refusing to apologize for it. What did he do last week? He did something where we banned him from the show, right?

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, he got pulled over while talking on his phone. He was driving while talking on his phone.
Either that or he heard the siren.

Speaker 1 He was listening to part of my take and he heard the siren come through the window. Probably.
Which, by the way, hey, it'll surprise you to know that the windows were not fixed last week.

Speaker 1 Yes, next week they're going to be finished. Yeah, so this

Speaker 1 show, if you feel so inclined, tweet all business Pete tomorrow morning, but do it with a, if you Google like picture, broken link or picture that won't load, tweet him a picture, maybe even just a blacked out screen, and say, hey, Pete, what the hell is this?

Speaker 1 So he thinks that his Wi-Fi, which does suck here, is really, really bad and he can't load any pictures. Yeah, just send him a GIF of the loading like the circle.
Yes, yes. That never sees.

Speaker 1 He just has to sit there being like, fuck, my Wi-Fi sucks, which it does.

Speaker 1 We have a King Stay Kings. We actually have two, by the way.
I added one late breaking one, but first up. Kings Stay Kings.
Kings Stay Kings. So the first up is Marlins, Man.

Speaker 1 We talked about the Williamsport game. Someone asked him, Are you at the game tonight? Haven't seen you on TV.
The most important question. He said,

Speaker 1 No way I would go. No way I take a seat from a kid.
It's just like the MLB games at military bases. No way I take a seat from a trooper.
Yep. Troopers,

Speaker 1 you are safe to attend games at Fort Bragg, and children, you're safe to attend games in Williamsport. What are the odds that he just kind of forgot about this game?

Speaker 1 Probably, yeah, like 99%, 100%.

Speaker 1 Somewhere

Speaker 1 else, shit. He should have just gotten a kid and made the kid wear all the Marlins Man stuff.
Yes. Like, found a little kid and put him in his oversized shirt and his upside-down visor.

Speaker 1 He probably has a few kids from out there with the way he, you know,

Speaker 1 traveling around.

Speaker 1 Talking like

Speaker 1 an NBA team, MLB team out there on the road a lot, road, you know, road beef. Yeah, Marlon's man.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So he's probably got kids everywhere.

Speaker 1 No, he strikes me as one of those guys that you see in Law and Order episodes where it's like a fertility doctor that has 2,000 children that he's just impregnated.

Speaker 1 He's probably just impregnated a ton of troops. Yes.
Troopers. Troopers.

Speaker 1 But yeah, so shout out Marlon's man for not going and not taking a seat away from a kid. Appreciate it, man.
That's why you're the best.

Speaker 1 Listen, this is why we pay attention to Marlin's man. This is why his message gets out there because of his consistent values.
Who have you, buddy? The other kids are kings, stay kings.

Speaker 1 I was about to say kids, stay kids. Lenny Dykstra.
So, Lenny made a proclamation similar to Marlin's man saying he would not take a seat from a trooper at the Williams port or a kid.

Speaker 1 Lenny Dykstra said, enough, exclamation point.

Speaker 1 Stop private messaging me to ask me my opinion about whether Maddie Frecking, the the young lady in the Little League World Series, is going to be hot in five or six years or whatever. Everyone, stop.

Speaker 1 Hashtag inappropriate, even for hashtag Nails Nation. Stop that.
And then he put a link to her. Oh, good.
And then he included a picture. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Hashtag inappropriate for hashtag Nails Nation. Yeah.
Even for Nails Nation. So thank you for standing up.
We have a line. Guided guy, Lenny Dykes.
We found the line. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We're not going to cross it. Listen, maybe if she was 14 or 15, he would speculate on that.
But the fact that she's 12, he's not going to touch it. This is one of those situations where, like, Lenny,

Speaker 1 you had to make an announcement that you weren't going to rate the attractiveness of a 12-year-old girl.

Speaker 1 That probably is, like, the fact that you had to make the announcement. We've gone a little,

Speaker 1 we've gone astray somewhere down the line. Yes.
We've lost the plot. Exactly.
And you know what he should do? He should do that thing where he just includes like a link to his Patreon.

Speaker 1 He's like, in order to fund me continuing to not

Speaker 1 rate attractiveness.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Lenny Dykster should just start a website that's the opposite of Hot or Not, where he just doesn't rate the attractiveness of prepubescent children. What an announcement.

Speaker 1 Good job, Lenny.

Speaker 1 Even for Nails Nation. By the way, he didn't rule out in five or six years, though.
So even for Nails Nation, inappropriate now. He's just not going to comment publicly on it.

Speaker 1 But you better believe that he's. He's going to

Speaker 1 Lenny Dykster is having some off-the-record conversations about this right now.

Speaker 1 All right. Finally, before we get to our.
Oh, actually, we have two more. We have hurder injured for the entire Washington Redskins team/slash medical staff.
Yes. So what's going on?

Speaker 1 So everything's going on there. So Trent Williams is not going to play for the team this year, he said, because they misdiagnosed a tumor on his head, which seems like a pretty big deal.

Speaker 1 Then, obviously, Alex Smith has had numerous setbacks with his leg.

Speaker 1 And Colt McCoy, not to be out, this is why he's a good backup, because you get the same type of consistency from your backup as your starter.

Speaker 1 His broken leg has not been healing correctly either, and he won't be ready until like three or four weeks into the regular season. So, basically, everybody on the R-words is getting injured.
Jeez.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 it's one of those situations. You remember when

Speaker 1 Chiana was like in Tampa Bay? Yeah. And where there's just like

Speaker 1 MRSA just swimming around the facility.

Speaker 1 You'd have better luck getting injured at the bottom of a trench in World War I than in that Redskins locker room right now with all the shit that's like creeping around.

Speaker 1 It's crazy to me that these teams that are making so much money and such huge investments, how they don't have like the biggest, greatest medical staff. It's insane.
It is insane.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, Dan Snyder is the answer to this. Yes, that is true.
But you see it on other teams, too. Yeah.
Where it's like, oh, yeah, well, they just can't diagnose anything correctly. Yeah, so

Speaker 1 I don't know. I don't know what's going to happen.
I guess it's looking like Colt is going to be injured until like October this year from a broken fibula. You know what it was? Sanchez.

Speaker 1 Sanchez was in that locker room last year.

Speaker 1 He had everyone breaking bones. Everyone breaking bones.
Well, no, I was going to say, like, you know, the clap. Yeah, yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 Everyone's got something. Everyone's, yeah, they're getting more SD tax than TDs.
Yeah. All right.
My last one, before we get to our Monday reading,

Speaker 1 we read a headline. I didn't read this story, but I just saw the headline.
Okay. 538.
You know them, right? The nerds. Yes.
They predicted 2016 perfectly.

Speaker 1 They wrote, are we sure Aaron Rodgers is still an elite quarterback?

Speaker 1 I don't know. They're asking the question.
The nerds have been asking the question.

Speaker 1 Again, I didn't read it because I was worried that they were just burying the lead, having everyone click it and be like, ha ha, he is. Yeah.
So I didn't click it.

Speaker 1 Didn't click it, but the headline worked. I'm going to assume he's not.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 60% chance that he is still an elite quarterback, which means that he's actually not. Yeah.
In Illinois, he's polling as not an elite quarterback. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 He hasn't shown up in Wisconsin in a while. That's true.
That's true. Or Pennsylvania.
Yes.

Speaker 1 All right. We have to finish up the show.
A Monday reading that's, ooh, boy, it is a doozy. Ready for it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Headline. I'm contemplating buying my divorced mom a sex toy as a gift.
Is that weird?

Speaker 1 Hank, your reaction? Initial reaction? Yes. Okay.
Okay. Well, y'all, hold on.

Speaker 1 Can we get Lenny on the line for this? Don't judge. Don't judge.
All right. First of all, I'm a 24-year-old male.
I guess I wouldn't be asking this if I were a female. Yeah, no, she's not.

Speaker 1 She'd be like, no, I still think that if... If you're a female, you just go ahead and you do it for your mom because you know that it's the right thing to do.

Speaker 1 I still think you'd probably maybe be like, is this weird?

Speaker 1 So he writes, please don't jump to judgment. There is context.
Okay. We're good.
There's context. At least there's more to this story.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 My mom's been divorced with my dad and single for over three years now, and they had been very distant for the last three years of their marriage. No boyfriend for her at this time.

Speaker 1 We are Chinese living in China, and she's quite a traditional woman. How are you on Reddit if you're in China? Don't they have that blocked out?

Speaker 1 Like, China blocks Google, but they're going to let you go onto Reddit. Yeah, that seems, yeah, that seems counterintuitive.
So it's safe to assume she's not had sex for quite a long time.

Speaker 1 A good assumption, but I don't know why you're even thinking about this.

Speaker 1 It was Chinese Valentine's Day a few days ago, and I bought my girlfriend a Lilo Sona Clitoris stimulator, and she likes it.

Speaker 1 Tonight, it just crossed my mind that anyone with a clitoris would appreciate it. Yeah.
See, anyone. So I just blurted it out.
Let him get a multi-conclusion.

Speaker 1 Like, was he just sitting at the dinner table? Yeah, he's just like, oh, shit. You came.
You know who else has a clit? My mom.

Speaker 1 I kind of like this guy because he's so matter of fact about it. He's like, this is pleasurable for a clitoris.
It's one plus one equals two. Yes.
You have a clit.

Speaker 1 I have the Lilo Sona clit stimulator. Let's make a match.
Yeah, it's like a perfect puzzle fit. So I just blurted it out and asked my girlfriend, should I gift my mom one of these?

Speaker 1 I live far away from home and only go back once or twice a year. That, okay, that now it makes sense because you imagine if you lived at home,

Speaker 1 you're not getting a little like pocket rocket for your mom. Yeah, because anytime you hear a buzzing sound, you're going to assume that that's what it is.

Speaker 1 Like the electric toothbrush, you're like, oh, that's my mom using the Lilo clit stimulator again. My phone's not on vibrate.

Speaker 1 And I just wish my mom to be happy, healthy, sexually liberated, and awakened, even though, or especially, she's almost in her menopause age. Okay, now we're going too much information.
No.

Speaker 1 But I appreciate this is a good son. I think so, too.

Speaker 1 He's lost, but he's a good son. His heart's in the right place.
Her clitoris. Yes.
And a Lilo doesn't look so on the nose. So it didn't seem to be a horrible idea when I said it.

Speaker 1 Of course, I would have a talk with my mom about it before I get her one of her. Yeah, that will be good.
Yeah, he's have the talk. Hey, mom, listen, I was thinking about your clit,

Speaker 1 and I have this idea. Wait, wait, wait.
Hey, mom.

Speaker 1 I was thinking about your clit after I was thinking about my girlfriend's clit. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So my girlfriend came real hard on her clit, and I was thinking about that clit and then it i was like wait maybe my mom could nut too all right so so wait wait wait wait so it at least in his defense he's not getting he's not going out and like getting a mold made of his own dick and giving it to his mom yes like he's making the responsible classy decision he he could have gotten a lot weirder than this gotten the one that has like the the butts the butt plug and the normal plug okay and then the like thing that comes from the top the tickler yeah he's just getting like it's no different than buying your mom a tuba lipstick.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Right. Or like a pair of, a nice pair of orthopedic shoes.
Right. And this guy's mind serves the exact same function as a vibrator.
A good office chair. Yeah, exactly.
Spirit posture mind.

Speaker 1 Okay, so my girlfriend. Should sit up straighter if you're if you're busting a grape.
My girlfriend, however, had a quite a big reaction to it.

Speaker 1 I'm shocked that it's still your girlfriend, first of all. But here were her points against this.
One,

Speaker 1 she called the idea creepy and gross. Fair.

Speaker 1 Two, she made an analogy and asked me what I would think if she asked me whether it's a good idea to buy her dad a fake pussy. Yeah.
Also fair. This is what guys do now.

Speaker 1 Just buy him a 4 loco.

Speaker 1 Three, she thinks it's super arrogant of me to assume my mom doesn't have the ability to pleasure herself. Women can pleasure themselves without a toy.

Speaker 1 I don't think she does or does it enough based on my knowledge about her. That's a good point.
You just gaslit your mom's pussy. Yeah, well, I don't know if gaslit, but you don't have to.

Speaker 1 No, you just say say that when you don't, when you're just confused, you just throw it in there. No, what it is, this lady is gatekeeping, her gatekeeping her boyfriend's mom's clit.
Yes.

Speaker 1 And she does bring up kind of a good point, which is like, why do you assume that like a robot can do the job better than just the human hand?

Speaker 1 Or what you could do, just to like subtly help your mom get the message, buy her a bunch of stuff that she can use to fuck herself with. Yeah.
Like over and over again, hey, mom, here's a cucumber.

Speaker 1 You know what? Mom, I got you that banana that you were eye fucking in the grocery store. Why don't you start by maybe like upgrading her shower,

Speaker 1 her shower, like, you know, her shower head. Her shower head, her towel head.
Yeah. Yeah, maybe get some more

Speaker 1 pressure coming out of there. Then we'll see where we go.
All right. Four.
One only buys sex toys for someone they want to fuck or is fucking. Also, fair point.

Speaker 1 Not necessarily. Well, yeah, I guess if you're going to go on like an Amazon wish list for your favorite porn star.
Yeah, it's not always because you want to fucking fucking fuck.

Speaker 1 You're fucking fucking kind of fucking them. No, it's not always because you want to fuck them.
You just want to be a good follower of theirs.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you don't feel intimately connected to them because you've watched them have sex.

Speaker 1 Yes, and if you're following them on Twitter, they're doing an emotional labor service that you're taking advantage of. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So you can platonically, very platonically, buy them a mold of your own penis. And

Speaker 1 to go further with this, you actually kind of have a relationship with your favorite porn star because you're probably commenting on every Instagram being like, you look so hot when you wear that.

Speaker 1 Exactly. So

Speaker 1 she relies on you for your support. Yeah.
Five, I lack the basic common sense and she has to re-evaluate me now as a person. I think five was pretty much the big one there.
Yeah, you're

Speaker 1 like one through four were just basic things. Five was, hey, we're gonna break up soon.
That was a lot of words to just be like, my girlfriend thinks I'm a weirdo. Yes.
Because I want to fuck my mom.

Speaker 1 All right, so he finishes, my parents never had the talk with me. We never talked about sex ever.
This is not something Oedipal.

Speaker 1 This comes from me attempting to help my mom with her physical and psychological health. I'm no longer afraid to talk about sex with her.

Speaker 1 I reflect this this is me recognizing my mom as a sexual being and just want her to be happy and enjoy herself. This guy is thinking way too much about this shit.

Speaker 1 That being said, I see what my girlfriend is saying. I'm not blind to how strange it seems for a man to recognize his mom has a clit and also possibly hasn't had an orgasm in years.

Speaker 1 But maybe I'm legit.

Speaker 1 Maybe I'm just a bit past getting embarrassed for that. How do you look at this?

Speaker 1 I think the ending, you kind of sum the whole thing. Yeah, the fact that she said that you're a weirdo.

Speaker 1 You know what? I don't think that this girl is right for this guy. Nice.
The overhead. Nice.
I like it. I told you, overs are back.
Yeah, I'm on your back. I'm on fire.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're weird.

Speaker 1 You basically could have just skipped everything and said, hey, my girlfriend broke up with me. Reddit post.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I tried to buy my mom a clip blaster.

Speaker 1 Anyone got a new favorite porn star I can look up?

Speaker 1 That really could have just been the post. Yeah, and there's no question that that can be better served with the format of like my 33M.

Speaker 1 Like, I just love that format.

Speaker 1 24. Yeah, it's like my 24M mom 53F.
Like, I love

Speaker 1 any question that you have out there, if you post it in the Reddit format, it's always like way, way better to read. Yes, yes, absolutely.
All right, that is our show. Banger of a show.

Speaker 1 Thanks, Hank, for waking me up and getting me mad again. That actually was.
We didn't do spelling salts tonight. We're out.
We actually need some of the stuff. Oh, I've got no, I've got some.

Speaker 1 I took some bar yesterday. Yeah.
What the fuck? What? You got a problem. I drug guy.
I'm not a drug guy. No, not a drug guy.
It's totally illegal. Dude, you're just banging smelling salts.

Speaker 1 I was banging some nose torque. Yeah, at the bar.
All right, drug guy. All right.

Speaker 1 You know what you can do is you can hold it up to your eyes, too, and it stings the eyes and makes it a little bit more. Yeah, we know.
Drug guy. Love you guys.
I didn't know that.

Speaker 1 Talking away,

Speaker 1 I'm not one.

Speaker 1 To say I'm saved anyway.

Speaker 1 Today's our day, your final eight. Shining away,

Speaker 1 I'm coming for your love of case. Hey,

Speaker 1 come on.

Speaker 1 Sell needle to say

Speaker 1 I'm upset

Speaker 1 about me somewhat away

Speaker 1 Slowly learning that life is okay

Speaker 1 Say after me

Speaker 1 I feel better to be safe than something

Speaker 1 of

Speaker 1 the

Speaker 1 young

Speaker 1 All the things I've never freaked over.

Speaker 1 Shy and away.

Speaker 1 How can we believe you anyway?

Speaker 1 Hey, gon'

Speaker 1 be

Speaker 1 funky. I'll hey go.

Speaker 1 It's pardon my take presented by Barstool Sports.