Packers Fullback Danny Vitale + John Kuhn, Mike Florio on Helmetgate, And Mount Rushmore Of Colors

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we have fullbacks, Danny Vitale and... No, it's Danny...
Vitale. Vitale.
Dick Vitale actually says it wrong. And John Kuhn, full-on meathead.
Love talking to both those guys. We talked about their biggest hits, how much they squat, how much they bench.
We also have Mike Florio on to talk about Helmet Gate and Mount Rushmore of Colors. Somehow we have never done that.
And also a Monday reading that will surely creep you out. We're going to get right back to the show.
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Alright, back to part of my take.

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Today is Monday, August 19th, and you've done it. We have officially had the last weekend of 2019 without football.
Real football. We've reached week zero in college football, which is such...
It's so great. Well, they said that societies took 4,000 years after inventing math to figure out the number zero.
Yes. It took us like 30 years of bowl championship subdivision football to realize that we could do week zero.
Hey, just throw a random game. And they're usually played like on an aircraft carrier somewhere.
Do it. I'm very excited because this means that we have real football to bet on this.
And we have real football. And we were talking about before the show.
But this is the longest college football in history. It starts next Saturday.
And it goes all the way until January 13th. That's great.
That means that we are slowly. A lot of people say society is getting in a worse place.
This whole earth is going to blow up all this shit. Eventually, we're going to get to a football season that just goes the entire calendar year.
And I'm here for it. Well, that's kind of the goal with the XFL.
Right. Right.
So, yeah, that's coming up. So when people say that we're not going to have football in 25 weeks, guess what? You're wrong.
A little something called the XFL is going to tie this over. And the AAF is coming back, probably uh so yeah no it's the start it's like you know the egg is hatching you talk about the football sandwich i'm here to talk to you about the little the little dinosaur from jurassic park popping his head out of the egg after his parents switched sexes and saying hello it's me it's 2019 and i'm here to stay hello it's danny boy kane and we're ready the Gators versus the Hurricanes in South Florida.
I don't even know where they're. I think they're playing actually in Florida, so North Florida.
Yeah, the battle for the state of Florida. Panhandle.
Yes. Kind of a fyric victory if you win that one.
That UCF has won every year in the last three years. Well, UCF national champions.
Correct. Only team from Florida who hoist that banner.
All right, so the other thing we had going on, it was obviously preseason football every single day which I wish they did that I wish the NFL just dropped random games for us on a Friday night because it really was even though no one cares about uh preseason football and you shouldn't it was nice to just be scrolling oh shit swag Kelly in the middle of Saturday afternoon why not yeah let's do it what's great about these games is most of the quarterbacks that play the majority of these games are already from Mac schools. So they're used to playing on Tuesdays or Wednesday nights.
Yes. And so they'd fit right in with that.
I was saying that it's one of the best times of the year because we're entering quarterback controversy season. And this year we've got the most boring quarterback controversies of all time, perhaps ever in the history of the NFL, that are starting to bubble up right now because we've got the Titans, we've got Marcus Mariota, and we've got Ryan Tannehill.
And that sound you heard was everybody just closing out this podcast because they're already super bored talking about the Titans. We've got the Dolphins, who got rid of Tannehill, and now they've got Ryan Fitzpatrick and Josh Rosen

and another one that nobody cares about.

And we've got Swag Kelly coming to take Andrew Luck's job.

Jacoby Reset's job.

Yeah.

But also maybe Andrew Luck's job.

And you forgot about the most important one that actually has already been decided,

Eli Manning and Daniel Jones, which Pat Shermer, he had a press conference

where he said something like, Eli is our quarterback because John Mara is the owner or something I don't even understand it but Eli you're getting a whole lot of Eli this year so basically Pat Shermer was doing the thing where he's he's giving a news conference and he's blinking in Morse code saying like help I'm taking hostage send in the SW team. They're making me start Eli Manning this entire year,

and I want to start Daniel Jones.

Here's the quote.

So John Mara said that in a perfect world,

Eli Manning would play 16 games.

Totally agree with you there, John Mara.

We need Eli Manning playing 16 games.

I would say actually 19 games.

Yeah.

Super Bowl.

So Pat Shermer said, John owns the team.

I've said the same things, but sometimes you guys don't believe me,

but we're on the same page. We don't believe you because Eli Manning's not a starting quarterback anymore, but he is.
But he is. For 16 games.
And please, when you refer to the Maras, Mr. Mara.
Yeah, that's true. Mr.
Mara has issued the edict on high that Eli Manning's going to start every fucking game. And if you don't like it, then go out back, and we're going to make you smoke a whole pack of Eli Manning's.
We have Helmet Gate, which we'll get to with Mike Florio, but holy shit, Antonio Brown, way to just own the entire training camp storyline for everything. And the riot is back on, because there has been a lot that's gone on, and we have Hard Knocks on Tuesday night.
Send out that Google alert again. Okay, hang on.
That calendar. Invite me to that riot because we will riot again.
You ready for it, Hank? I'm not ready for the calendar invite. Why? I just got over the last one.
Okay. You're not ready for the riot, though.
You can say maybe again. Because this riot, if you thought last riot was a bloodbath, you ain't seen nothing yet.
Damn. I'm putting on my helmet.
I might wear a scarf so that if i get caught on camera flipping over a water bottle the cops can't find me exactly like they're doing in what are they doing in hong kong they're like shining lasers into cameras actually i have a question for you pft and this has nothing to do with uh sports but those riots in uh portland uh the antifa versus proud boys yeah uh do they just walk around like it seems like there's more journalists than rioters that's basically yeah it's a bunch of people on cameras so I was in I watched the video I was like wait all these guys are just journalists and then there's three guys just having a little bit of a scuffle like someone walked in the bike lane yeah and even the journalists are on sides there so they're like following specific people around hoping to find to find somebody messing with that person. Right.
So you can tweet out a video. As somebody that was up in Detroit covering the politics in America, like boots on the ground.
I saw a little bit of the Proud Boys up there, and they are looking for a fight. They just disavow by the way.
Disavow Proud Boys. Fuck the Proud Boys.
Disavowing the Proud Boys officially. But yeah, so we're going to take some cues from that whole situation.
Maybe'll i don't know we'll pepper spray the room it's just sound i i it seems like if no one showed up with a camera no one would show up to like push each other in the streets oh it's for the clout it's for sure and i think they send each other calendar invites too it's like hey just so you know the proud boys are going to be here at this time we're going to ride a fight yeah but we're actually going to talk about the riot more than we ride well we're going to tweet about the riot more than anything so so i don't understand any of that yeah it's stupid um all right so and then the only other story we got to give mlb some credit we we do go after major league baseball for being very stupid but the williamsport game every year is awesome and they have. And, yes, it is bullshit that all these Little League World Series kids high-five each other when, like, someone hits a home run off of them.
Those clips are just insane. But they do this right, and I wish they played on an actual Little League dimension field.
But, you know, Bigger's kid. With aluminum bats.
Yeah. Kids.
You all right? Yeah, I'm all right. Kids pitching.
Paxton Lynch just went deep, and I was like, what the fuck is going on? Kids pitching. Paxton Lynch has sent a lot of people into puberty and menstruation and ovulation.
Kids pitching, Major League Baseball players hit it. Yes.
And just have it be. I agree.
Who says no? Probably the kids. Yeah, probably the kids' parents.
The kids' dads. Just get domed.
These overprotected coaches. Yeah, helicopter parents.
Helicopter parents don't want their son to get a face full of baseball and lose all their teeth. But you know what? That's what we want to tune in to see.
Yes, I agree. The people want it.
All right. Should we do? Let's do some Who's Back, and let's get to our Mount Rushmore.
Let's move it along. We have, by the way, we have Danny Vitale and John Kuhn coming up.
If if you want to watch it barstoolgold.com slash pmt we were up in green bay we interviewed matt before you can also watch that on barstoolgold barstoolgold.com slash pmt sign up right now all right hank go um who's back i have a few the first one is josh gordon okay yeah you guys didn't talk about that and stories the league kind of a big deal for the patriots patriotsots fans, recurring Super Bowl champions. They got their best receiver back, so it's exciting.
Yeah, I mean, maybe they'll be able to score more than 13 points. How many weeks? How many weeks? He's zero.
He's spending for zero weeks. No, how many weeks will he be on the team? All of them.
You think so? Every week. And if he doesn't, you get a cap.
But he's not on the team right now, right? How many weeks left? 22? No, as of Sunday, he can practice. He's on the non-football list.
So what happens if he doesn't make it through the whole season? Non-injury related. So if he gets injured, that's fine.
But if he gets cut or leaves or anything like that, Hank gets cat. Nope.
Yep. I don't know.
How about this? I'll do something. I'm not going to get a cat.
How about over? We'll be nice to you. But what if he plays the whole year? You guys have to do something.
How about that video that went viral where the guy had the leaf blower with a huge bowl of weed and just hotboxed the whole room? You have to do that in the studio by yourself. All right.
And if he plays the whole year, you guys have to do that. No, he looked terrible.
He basically died from smoke inhalation. Josh Gordon will probably come here and help you out with that.
And if he makes, if he makes it through, if he makes it to the playoffs, you guys have to do that. And same thing.
Okay. Yeah.
If he makes it to the playoffs and he plays every single game, then I'll get super high. Yeah.
Makes it to the playoffs. Non-injury related, obviously.
Oh man, I hope he doesn't make it to the playoffs. No dude, this leaf blower thing, that definitely looked like a bunch of stoners died because they didn't realize, oh smoke is, you actually still can't just inhale way too much smoke.
So this is – so the Patriots are admitting that their experiment of just turning every quarterback that they have into wide receivers is not going to work out. Yeah, they cut Edlin.
Yeah, it's too bad. I liked him.
All right, who else? My other who's back is Big Cat lashing out at producers over at Bessie Lost. Yeah.
So on Twitter over the weekend – it big cat well i i don't think i lashed out i don't i think i stated facts so he was there was a i mean what was it five five tweet thread yeah that that probably could have been ten probably could have been ten i mean do you think that i was in the wrong for what happened so steven che who produces the yak the serious radio show that I host uh was down in Tampa Bay all week for his make a wish and uh he was he was basically getting did you guys see he did a jersey swap yeah that was great he's literally a kid but it's a polo shirt I actually sent Jason Light uh the GM of the Bucks a DM saying thanks for taking care of Stephen Che all week uh just letting him know that like Steven Che, that we appreciate you taking him off our hands for weeks. So anyway, Steven Che, the game was a three, three in the end of the second quarter.
I had bet the over me too. Steven Che texted me and said, Oh dude, I forgot to tell you hot tip.
They didn't put the tarp out for like some security guard told me they didn't put the tarp out which they usually do the field was absolutely soaked and they were raking water off he texted miss three three and uh i'd already bet the over so he's like yeah the under will probably hit thanks steven shea and then he said look into the second half under which i did which also lost so an oh and 1-0. And, yeah, if you send a hot tip two hours after a game starts, you deserve a five-tweet thread and more.
And guess what? Stephen Che, he's going to bring me lunch tomorrow. But he said I had to give back the Tupperware, and I said, fuck that, I'm throwing it out.
I think that's fair. Totally fair.
I've also been on tilt since that moment. I've lost every bet all weekend because of that one fucking game.
If he fucks you over with a plastic covering, then you have the absolute right to fuck him over on his plastic. The psyche of a degenerate gambler is a very fragile thing.
It is always teetering on absolute destruction, and he just tipped over the whole apple cart, and I didn't sleep all Friday night. I feel like shit right now.
I lost every bet all weekend, because of Stephen Chase. So yeah, you know what, Hank? He probably deserved more tweets than that.
The worst part is your confidence is shot now. Totally shot.
I don't see anything. You got it.
Yeah. If you go into the season thinking like this, you're done to.
No, I'm already done. Listen, I'm already done for life, but this is the thing.
Like you can't, you can't do that. So you can't hot tip a guy two hours later.
hot tip i'll always take a hot tip yeah you will i know that's like remember that hot tip you took a couple weeks ago what was just somebody tweeted at me like the uh the padres i walked take the padres today and i was like hot tip i walked in the office and and you know our seat where we sit with like the gambling corner and uh the idiots that we work with big ev and marty m and I say that in an endearing way because they know they're idiots, they're like, hey, PFT got a hot tip. And so I was like, let me search this on Twitter.
It was a fucking Twitter egg with four followers who tweeted PFT, said take the Padres today. That's what made it so hot.
And I was like, shit, now I got to take them too. That's what made it so hot was because this guy was so mysterious.
He had four followers. I was like, he's got to know something.
So Stephen Chay deserves all the wrath that is coming to him. And apparently we have a bunch of AWLs in the scouting department in the box.
So shout out those guys. Any more hot tips if you want to send them before kickoff? It's usually the best time.
Text me. That's it.
That's when he's back. That's all.
All right. All right.
Thanks for getting me riled up again. Bill Walton's also back.
Yes. He announced the White Sox game.
Oh, dude. The best quote of all time in the intro to that game, Bill Walton saying, I've been dead for many years now.
And then he said he wouldn't be a catcher because he can't get low. He does better getting high.
Just seamlessly. And then every single ball that got hit, he was like, oh, oh, oh, that's a foul ball.
That's relatable, though. Yeah.
No, it is relatable. But he also would get.
I've done that. Someone would hit a pop-up to the left field.
He'd be like, get out. Get out.
And it was 40 yards away from the fence. He's like, go, go, ball, go.
Also relatable. Yes.
Bill Walton watching a baseball game is just, it's incredible. He should do way more games.
I don't know why they haven't thought of this, but he should just do everything. When they do the Ocho on ESPN, it should just be Bill Walton watching a baseball game is just incredible.
He should do way more games. I don't know why they haven't thought of this.
He should just do everything. When they do the Ocho on ESPN, it should just be Bill Walton just sleep-deprived for 36 hours discussing cornhole, talking about dodgeball, you name it.
We said something nice about MLB, so now we can say something mean. It's insane that they didn't have that game on national television.
Yes. Like, MLB Network, you are there for a reason reason who the fuck cares what's going on on friday night bill walton is calling the angels versus the white socks idiots real shame idiots uh my who's back of the week is is that it hank we're done that's it okay uh my who's back hang on one second i lost mine i feel like i just woke big cat out of a coma yeah i mean i'm upset still where's my who's back i seriously on one second.
I lost mine. I feel like I just woke Big Cat out of a coma.
Yeah. I mean, I'm upset still.
Where's my who's back? I seriously have not won a bet since. He put me on the worst tilt.
It was 0-3. I went 0-3 because of it.
Because I should have gone 1-0 and I went 0-2. Instead, that's a three-unit swing.
Okay, my who's back of the week is winning bets when I'm gambling at football.

I've been on a hot streak this week.

Fuck you.

No, I'm blazing hot.

You want to know what my tip is?

The overs.

So the only over that didn't hit for me this week that I bet on was that Tampa Bay game.

So I've been riding hot.

All right, my who's back is.

I'm feeling really good.

And I've got some hot.

You know my hot tip?

I took the over on this Seahawks game. It's not going to hit.
So did I. It's not going to hit.
But I took the live over. You know why? I took the live over.
You know why? Because I'm on tilt. I looked into it very strongly in the second quarter.
And I put my money where my mouth is. And this one's going to hit too.
So I'm feeling great about that. It's not going to hit.
I'm winning all the money. My other who's back of the week is Greenland.
Greenland is back in a big way. Real estate markets are booming there because it was reported, I believe, on Friday that Donald Trump is looking very strongly into purchasing Greenland.
And he's made the suggestion several times to the point where they're not sure if he's joking about it anymore. Now, it doesn't matter that Greenland isn't selling, but we're looking very strongly into buying.
Listen, if you've worked in estate like I have, not to brag, even though it was the worst real estate career of all time, there's always a price. You walk up to a house and you're like, hey, listen, are you selling? And they say no.
Guess what? If you throw some cash around, they'll fucking sell. Unless it's owned by one of those old Scottish guys that lives on Trump's golf courses in Aberdeen and refuses to sell, so they have to build a hole around his house.

President Trump is essentially from Napoleon Dynamite.

Remember when Uncle Rico sells a Tupperware?

And the woman's like, I want that.

Yeah.

He's just looking at Greenland like, I want that.

I want that.

I mean, just for the I fucking love cocaine memes, Greenland is prime territory for that.

Yes.

When people say President Trump wants to buy Greenland, is Trump buying Greenland or is

America buying Greenland?

It's confusing.

It's confusing.

You know what?

Probably just a golf course.

I don't know. is prime territory for that.
Yes. When people say President Trump wants to buy Greenland, is Trump buying Greenland or is America buying Greenland? It's confusing.

It's confusing.

You know what?

Probably just a golf course.

I could see it go either way, to be honest with you.

Yeah.

He might just think it's just a giant putting green.

Yeah.

And he's like, yeah, I want a vacation there.

Yes, exactly.

For a golf course.

Imagine how many courses I could develop over there.

It could be as simple as that.

Yes.

That is, yeah.

All right.

My Who's Back is judging MMA fights on their marketability.

So Ravel is back.

We'll see you next week. courses i could be as simple as that yes that is yeah uh all right my who's back is judging uh mma fights on their marketability so revel is back we had a great ufc i think it was 241 awesome fights at what point are they going to give up just the numbers no i think that's the i think that's the coolest thing because then you get to hype up like 500 it's going to be dude you going to miss ufc 500 i'm going to miss 500.
They should bring it back for 500. I'm not going to miss 250.

That's coming up.

That's a good point.

Right.

Yeah, keep it going until 250.

But then, I don't know, just give it like a nickname,

like the Rumble in the Jungle.

Everyone wanted to tune into that shit.

It sucks for Ruff and Rowdy because we're at like Ruff and Rowdy 9.

We just feel – although that's history.

You could be like, I watched UFC number three with Butterbean.

It was sick. All right, so Ravel, he loves to do this.
After a great UFC fight, great card, recurring guest Stipe Miocic and Daniel Cormier fought in the headliner. Shout out Nate Diaz, by the way, after he won.
And they're like, why did you take three years off? And he just said, because everyone fucking sucks. Yeah.
That's an awesome thing to do. Take three years off and then come in and just kick everyone's ass.
Ravel, though, said incredible fight, but the less marketable one wins again. He judges all fights on who's the most marketable guy because he has no soul and he's a robot and doesn't actually care about watching sports.
Exactly. He probably didn't even watch the fight.
It was an awesome card. And then he has this new thing.
All-time nut shot, too. Yes.
Yes, big-time nut shot. He has this thing.
And Daniel Cormier, who I love and great interview. He doesn't have the best body.
And when everyone's like, well, he's an unbelievable athlete, which he is, unbelievable athlete, unbelievable college wrestler. I think he was a fantastic high school linebacker, all these things.
But when you don't have a great body and then you lose specifically because you just get repeatedly punched in the gut, that hurts. It is tough.
That hurts. Here's a dumb question.
Why did he stand up and box him? Well, it's hard to get guys down. Yeah.
It's hard to shoot is what they call it. So he just decided he was going gotta pick your stand up well he had him down in the first i thought it was gonna be over it's also tough you get tired he's kind of been punch cucked by andy ruiz recently yeah like as our thick king our new thick overlord in in combat sports happens to not be in mma but now he's the champion and cormier lost his belt right so they have to put an extension on the belt when he gets it he had i think he had two belts at one point that's true he did champ champ uh but anyway revel also has this new thing where when people say you're uh you must be fun at parties he just is like he replies i'm a 41 year old married man i don't go to parties where people judge whether you're a blast or not yeah we know dude we weren't talking about a literal party we're going to invite you to you know one was going to do that.
Revelle, he's kind of showing himself.

He used to be a real hit at parties before he was 41.

You don't want to be at a party when Revelle shows up with the anchovy pizza.

Yeah, no, you don't at all.

He's the guy that walks in and ices somebody with a Sprite Zero.

In 2026.

Yeah, gotcha.

I feel this is going to be great for my Instagram page that everyone hates.

Hey, I got you a Christmas present in the middle of July. Open this box.
Boom. Gotcha.
Fucking Mountain Dew. Dude, you.
I brought Cards Against Humanity, but I took out all the funny ones. No, he wouldn't.
I made my- No, he'd do apples to apples. Anyone want to play apples to apples? Cards Against Humanity might be a little too risky.
I made my own Cards Against Humanity where every suggestion is just the after-tax value on a different NFL player's contract. You guys want to do make your own pizza at this kegger? Fuck Revelle.
All right. Let's get to let's do our Mount Rushmore.
Okay. We're going to get right back to the show.
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All right, back to part of my take.

Okay, Mount Rushmore of colors.

PFT.

Okay, a lot of pressure on this one

because it's so open-ended.

It's such a great category, too.

Okay, my first one, I'm going to go with blue.

Just straight up blue.

Okay.

Gotta love blue.

It's so versatile.

You got navy blue.

You got sky blue.

Wait, do you get all the blues?

I'm getting all the blues.

I don't know if that's fair.

St. Louis blues.

No, I don't think that's fair.

I don't think that's fair.

I think you have to pick a certain blue.

I have to pick a certain blue?

There has to be another name in front of the blue.

Or just, yeah, you have to pick a blue, a type of blue.

Okay, I'm going to go with Navy blue then. Respect the troops.
Great. I'm going to go with Royal blue.
Ooh, okay. I'm going to go.
Color of Duke, color of sky, color of my eyes. No, wait, no.
Not the color of sky. Sky blue is the color of the sky.
I'm going to do Carolina blue. Carolina blue is nice.
Which is the color of sky. No, no.
Carolina blue and sky blue are different. Okay.
The fun part about this is you're going to have some real college football and college basketball weirdos explaining Pantones to you because you can't say that it's sky blue. All right.
So I'll go Carolina blue. Who doesn't love that? Baby blue.
Also, a.k.a. baby blue.
Greater than Carolina blue. Eh.
Okay. So we just – way to be in a frat, guys.
We just went first three picks, blues. All blues, yeah.
Okay. You guys want to get a sick button down? We'll just wear different shades of blue.
Wait, is blue a frat color? I mean, like, the blue button down is a very, like, you know, like, when you try to, like, hey, what do you have in your wardrobe? And it's just all blue. I don't know.
I played rugby, so. Yeah, it's true.
You had a blue rugby shirt. Yeah, the navy blue one.
Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

My second pick, so I have sky blue.

Or no, Carolina blue is my first pick.

My second pick, I'll do the color of money.

Green.

Green.

Okay.

What color of money?

I was confused for a second.

Right color of money.

Could have been silver.

So money, money, green.

Could have been gold.

Money.

American green.

Color of money green is my pick.

Parentheses green. I'm going to go with something better than money.
Gold. Oh.
Is that better than money? Really? It is. It's more valuable.
Big Notre Dame guy? You heard it from Hank. What do you think about Brian Kelly? Gold is more valuable than money.
Okay. Gold.
You love gold. All right.
Seems a bit greedy out of you guys. I'm going to go with black.
All the colors. Nice goth.
All the colors. This Mount Rushmore sucks.
No. Dude, black is a sweet color.
It's very intimidating. You can put it on your face and it distracts you from the sun.
You can do that. It's great.
It's a wonderful color. All right.
My next one is... How is that a pander? You know what is a pander.
I think I just like to say pander. All right.
Go ahead. Your second part.
And then I'm going to go with. Propcat.
I'm going to go with red. Nice.
Red. An intimidating color.
Like I said, this is a terrible Montrush. Nice.
Okay. Blood red.
No, no, no, no. That wasn't you.
That's not you doing it. It's the fact that we're doing a Montrush where we're like, red.
Nice. Nice, yeah.
I mean, think about it. It's not as long as you or our picks.
Right. It's just the ridiculousness of this.
No, red is an awesome color. It is.
There have been studies that show that teams that wear red uniforms typically win more often. The Badgers.
Yeah. Always win nine to ten games in the Outback Bowl.
I would go with orange. Best Starburst flavor, color of fire, Charmander.
Charmander. That's a triple crown right there.
I like it. Okay.
Now, you're going to get a lot of people hating on your Starburst take, though. There are a lot of pink stands out there.
How do you – yeah, there are a lot of pink stands out there how do you yeah there are a lot of pink stands out there myself included yeah i'm a pink stand too um orange is definitely not the best just so you know i think most people agree it's not uh they would say pink or red typically those are one and one a all right how about purple the color of royalty that's good love some purple purple little perp little uh purple drink The color of Pax and Lynch's cool new swaggy visor. He's got a purple visor.
Such a cocky move to be the third string quarterback with a visor. He's definitely going to be second string.
Maybe even first by the end of this. That's right.
Tavares is out there in house. No.
Gino. It looks good.
Gino. I'm telling you, that purple visor.
Look at this guy. It's so perfect as I picked it.
They just showed a Vikings fan that looked like he had just been huffing a purple spray paint can for the last three days. It looked like he just took a facial from Grimace.
That was awesome. All right, my last pick.
I kind of want to take another blue. I'm not going to lie.
Yeah, no. Blues are hot.
There's a lot more blues out there. I'll finish with, you know what? I'll go silver.
I'll go silver. I like silver.
Looks cool. Silver is good.
Yeah. Silver looks cool.
All right, Hank. You're upset about silver.
I mean, I was going to just take gray. Shout out Dak Prescott.
Well, silver's kind of a more of a flashy gray. It's more of like your Friday night gray.
It's real tough here. There's only like 6,000 colors left.
You're stumped? Come on, Hank. You didn't think we would get to this point of the draft? Turquoise.
Turquoise. Ooh, nice.
All right, fancy boy. Kind of a blue.
Yeah, that's actually kind of like a showboat color.

Yeah, a little bit of a blue there.

Yeah.

Showboat color?

Yeah, you're like high-stepping a little bit with that one.

Look at your fucking shorts, PFT.

These are not turquoise, bro.

Who would have thought that the color Mount Rushmore would really break us apart?

There we are.

This color doesn't exist in nature.

That's turquoise.

This color only exists on poisonous frogs.

That's how you know it's awesome to wear.

Is that a cyan?

I've never been eaten while wearing these shorts before. Is that how coral? It's a coral blue.
It's like a salmon blue. It's a foam green? If that makes sense.
A pastel. Yeah.
Okay. What's your last pick? My last pick? PFT.
I think I'm going to go with Seahawks trim green. That neon green.
So now we're just saying we literally just went purple, Seahawks green. We're just picking things we're watching.
Well, okay, you want me to change it up? No, no, I like it. Because I have a better way to describe it.
It is. It's a good color.
I had it written down. The color of Baja Blast.
That's my last pick. Okay.
Baja Blast greenish blue. No, that is a good.
I had that written down as well. You had Baja Blast written down? No, I had the Seahawks neon green kind of it is cool yeah tennis ball yellow it's a maybe a Baylor kind of when they wear the the Baylor basketball not the basketball team oh yeah the basketball team is not problematic those jerseys stink though and you don't like them oh the new Michigan State ones are terrible Baylor ones disgusting terrible what what got off left off the list? White.
How about powder blue? Isn't white, like, not a color? Wasn't this an original debate? White is the absence of color. Right.
Yeah. It's kind of an SJW move on your part, leaving white off the list.
No, but it's not a color. The blue checkmark blue? Ooh, that's a good one.
The Instagram orange? I did have royal blue. Oh, the green when you're in the close friend group on Instagram stories.
Yeah, that's a fucking cool. That's a good one.
You feel like you're in the club. Shout out.
So Julia. Yeah, I'm in her club, too.
It's always we all are. What about Zubaz? Zubaz? Does that count as its own color? Yeah.
Yeah, sure. Why not?

Okay.

Zubaz should have been on the list then.

Big mistake.

Let's see.

Pink.

No one picked pink.

I guess we don't care about breast cancer awareness.

It's kind of shitty on our part.

Neon.

Just neon.

Just the neons.

All of them.

Camo.

What about camo?

We can't see it.

Digital camo.

So nobody knows if it's good or not. Yeah, yeah.
Uh-huh. Exactly.
Good point. Anything else? This was riveting.
I was thinking if I could make a case for brown, but I feel like I would have just got it. The browns uniforms I love.
But they're orange. Yeah.
Yeah. Fire.
And the brown stripe, the skid mark that goes down the helmet once you prove that you've got what it takes to be a brown. Mm-hmm.
This guy. Maybe just this guy really that is the worst we got to put that out there right when i it does look like he took a load from from grimace doesn't it he's even got the white stripe in there he did not uh do well with the face paint i look there's something there's something about the face paint nfl fan that's just they are like the cream of the crop they're of the earth.
They're the only NFL fan that's better in England than in the United States. In England, you get to people that look like cartoon, just like cartoon versions of whatever the mascot is.
We need to they need to make we need to make like a barstool documentary just following the big face paint fans from the moment they wake up on Sunday to the moment they get. Actually, let's follow them all the way to their office on Monday morning.
You have to get them going into work because you know that they've got some residual in the eyebrow. And like the stubble.
Like, hey, dude, you got something on your. Oh, shit.
I got that neon green because I've been standing in the end zone of the Seahawks game. Yeah.
Sunday. If you wear face paint to an NFL game, you should be required to wear it all week at work.
Yes. Afterwards.
I like that rule. New rule.
New rule. New rule.
Okay. Let's get to our interview.
We're going to first do Danny Vitale and John Kuhn, and then we'll have Mike Florio. We're going to get right back to the show.
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Restrictions apply. USA! Alright, back to part of my take.
Okay, here they are. John Kuhn and Danny Vitale.
Okay, we now welcome on fullbacks for the former fullback for the Green Bay Packers, John Kuhn, current fullback for the Green Bay Packers, Danny Vitale. We start every show with fullbacks where we just say how much we squat, 450.
550. Oh, shit.
I did 551. Did you? Nice.
What do you squat? I think I was 552 and a half if you had that that two pound two and a half or you know the real small clip on yeah one and a quarter well we were talking before we just went live that uh danny tried to out meet you in the in the uh weight room what does that look like he definitely outmitted me well i said we're we're gonna roll on with these guys in like 20 minutes. He's like, all right, fucking disappears for 20 minutes, comes back.
He's all swelled up. Just trying to get the vascularity up, you know.
He ran into the waiting room and started ripping some curls. Some shrugs beforehand.
That was smart. Very smart.
I actually believe that's true because I've seen – there are a lot of pictures that you've put on Instagram yourself that you've tweeted out yourself. You're kind of like Julian Edelman.

You're the king of thirst traps of the Midwest right now.

It's like Muscles Marinara, look at me.

I'm the swollest fullback in the land.

Not very gritty of you.

How do you defend your vanity?

Hey, man, I think with that, with something like that, if you got it, flaunt it.

I think there's nothing wrong with that. I work hard to look the way I look, and it's worth putting it out there.
How much can you curl? That's a good question. You know exactly how much you curl.
No, no, no. It does reps because it actually makes your arms look big.
Yeah, you know what I mean? It's all about getting the pump. That's my mistake.
It's the appearance of looking big, not actually. I can curl like 120, but I don't ever do reps.
That's why my arms are small. For a guy who would like to get bigger biceps, what do you do? What's your secret? You got to do at least four sets of 15.
Okay. And pretty much just hit every angle possible.
All the angles. Okay.
Like outside, inside. Yeah, hammer curl.
Hammer curls, of course. This one, that's hammer, right? Yeah.
Hammer curls, okay. How about you squat for real? It's probably right around the same thing, like 550.
Jesus. Fuck.
Your legs are about as big as Doug Barone's. Yeah, you know, the calves are just genetic, too.
I don't do anything for that. Oh, wow.
That's nice. That's good genes.
All right, so fullback to fullback, have you guys had a talk about being the fullback at the Green Bay Packers and what it means? Because you had a legacy. Everyone, Channing Coon, I think they were booing you, but whatever.
Chicago, they might have been booing. Yeah, they definitely were.
So have you had a talk with Danny, like this is what it means? This is my legacy, my name that you're stepping into? Most definitely. I didn't say it was my legacy.
I said it was the Packer legacy. Okay.
I did tell you, this offense is set up sweet for him. I mean, his set of skills, you don't play Lorenzo Neal fullback anymore in the NFL which was an awesome fullback but you're not just sledding downhill smoking your face mask on another guy's face mask you gotta you gotta be versatile you gotta be able to catch 20 yard 30 yard passes downfield and you gotta be able to run the football what juice does out there in San Francisco you're lot of that out of Danny this year.
Are you excited to play that type of fullback, or is there a part of you that's like, I do want to smoke my face mask on another guy's face mask? No, I mean, that's something everybody wants to do as a fullback. If you don't have that mentality, you're never going to make it in this league as a fullback.
So one thing, I played at Northwestern, obviously. I kind of played that H-back.
They call it a superback there there. That's badass.
That's a great name. That's a great, awesome name.
Come play super-back. I'd rather play super-back than full-back.
Take the least glamorous position, you give it the most glamorous name. I think he needs to change the full-back.
Yeah, super-back. Yeah, so that was kind of my original skill set was that versatility and stuff like that.
And then when I was in Cleveland for two years, I had to learn how to be that hand in the ground, just go smash faces, get that mentality out of it. So now that I can kind of combine the two, this is just the perfect system for that.
Would you say, so speaking of Northwestern, would you say that Northwestern has the greatest home advantage of any school in the entire country? Absolutely. Keep the grass long.
Keep everybody else slow. Play at 11 a.m.
Yeah, that's a Chicago thousand people. That's a Chicago thing because the Bears do the same thing.
They try and maul you to sleep when you get there. They take fast teams and try and slow them.
Yeah. Well, the park district owns like runs Soldier Field.
So that's their fault for fucking it up. But so were you on the team when you guys played Stanford at the beginning of the year? Yeah.
That was the was the worst football game ever. Yeah.
That was awesome. Hey, we got the W.
Yeah. And we took them out of a probably a national championship run.
Yes, that was. And that was the quintessential Northwestern home advantage.
It was 11 a.m. early September.
And it was Sleepwalk City for Stanford. I think they punted from your 40.
You guys punted from their 35. It was a punt fest.

I think we did the same thing in Wisconsin.

Oh, yeah. Either maybe the year before or

something. Exact same thing.

Yes. Oh, yeah.
I always, whenever

I look at the Wisconsin schedule,

I always am like, alright, if they have

to go to Evanston, it's going to be a trap.

Because you play that early game.

You don't lose at home in Northwest.

It's a little different. It's a little weird.
Were you also on the team that played that night game. Yeah, you don't lose at home in Northwest.
Right, it's just a little different.

It's a little weird.

Were you also on the team that played that night game against Ohio State?

Yeah, I want to say that was game day.

Yeah, same thing.

We were winning the whole game.

And then you fumbled and lost the spread.

Yeah, exactly.

I remember that one.

I remember hearing about that one. I always wondered about that.

When you grow the grass out to slow the other guys down,

doesn't it just slow you down too? Well, we're slow already. But don't you also get slower? No, I mean, I guess so, but we're also used to playing on that field all the time.
The fast guys don't know how to run in slow conditions. I like that.
Slow guys know how to run slow conditions. I like that.
You've been slow your whole life. So a slow guy can almost be faster than a fast guy if it's slow conditions.
If you slow down enough. We went down to Chicago one time with Ryan Grant, one of the fastest guys I've ever played with.
He would get out of the backfield and just start stumbling. He had a hard time on that field.
Now, if he got away from it, he still ran fast. He'd still run, and he did have an 80-yard touchdown in Chicago.
But sometimes, man, those fast guys, they just can't handle that grass being that long yeah I want to talk to you real quick about your Lambo leap because I think you had the greatest Lambo leap of all time the one that I made it or the one that I did no the one that you didn't the one where you got right up to the wall and you tried so hard to get up there into the first row I think you got like six inches off the ground no I didn't get any inches off yeah no committed to low pad level, which I appreciate. Have you talked to Danny at all and given him any tips about the Lambeau leap? Did you see his calves? The guy's not going to have a problem, okay? These calves were made for jumping.
That's just what they're going to do. He's going to be just fine getting up into the stands.
So you think he's going to score? Oh, he's going to score touchdowns. Oh, how many? He's going to be a weapon.
I bet you I put the over-under at five. Okay.
I like that. All-time record for a super back.
Wow. Going back to Northwestern for one more question.
Coach Sherald obviously made a ton of press with his cell phone speech. Yeah.
Do you use your cell phone, or has it also, like, gotten in your head, like, I can't use my cell phone because of the Northwestern way? No. No, I'm definitely cell phone still i mean you guys see the instagram yeah always on social yeah yeah always on twitter i enjoy it man it's a lot of fun what do you think about that speech because i actually thought it was perfect for northwestern it wouldn't work other places you know i think i think like as far as like other places though you got to look at like ticket prices and game day experience right now i mean mean, I think that might be affecting more so than the cell phone thing.
Like you said, at Northwestern, it might be cell phones. But other places, more so ticket prices and stuff like that, like people would rather watch from home.
You can watch eight games on TV at once than go to a game and spend, you know, $500 or whatever it costs to get in there and pay for food. Yeah.
It is the ultimate conundrum that football finds itself in is that it is just built for TV. It is the ultimate couch sport.
Especially you see it so much better on TV. Right.
You're trying to watch it in a stance, and you can't tell if a guy got the first down, didn't make the catch, who the heck the guy even was. Sometimes you can't even tell who it was.
You watch it on TV, you see it from 50 from 50 different angles it's it's better to watch it on tv well yeah and then and then i mean you sit on your couch with all your buddies and drink some bud light and you're just chilling there for you know twenty dollars rather than buying a twenty dollar single beer at a football game you can watch all the games not just one yes which is pretty nice too especially if you're a gambler yeah like John, when you retired, you retired with exactly, I think,

a yards per carry average of 3.0.

Did that on purpose.

I was going to ask you about that.

That is the pinnacle of being a fullback right there,

like not enough to really stand out in the stat sheet

but also just keeping the chains moving.

That was in your mind when you were like –

Yeah, it was difficult.

My last four career runs netted exactly negative two yards to do that so that was a challenge but we made it happen it's actually not moving the chains no if you do it four times in a row oh you're going for it on fourth and one if you're going i don't know i don't know it would have been nice if you had 3.3 or 3.3 no no 3.3 repeating and then get that little extra little piece if you had pie then it Then it just looks weird. Okay.
3.0 looks and sounds good. Talking about weird things, when you retired, you mentioned your luncheon costumes with Aaron Rodgers.
What were those? Well, we just tried to do anything as outlandish as could possibly be because we found ourselves at the end of camp just brain dead and just mushy. so we said let let's go to this luncheon, which is a heck of a lot of fun for anybody out there watching.
And we'd go to these luncheons, and we had to find a way to spirit it up and make it fun for us and make it fun for the fans. So we would dress up as pilots, astronauts, cowboys.
I mean, Danny's already got the stash going, but we'd grow that stuff out for six weeks for camp and then just come in with the gnarliest thing you could have just to try and get some excitement going. So sticking with Rodgers, you famously told us that Aaron Rodgers didn't talk to you for three years.
Has he shunned you yet? No, actually, you know, I would say it's kind of picked up a lot. Obviously, you start making plays and stuff like that.
He starts noticing and stuff. But no,, no, he's a great dude.
He's been talking to me a bunch. So, I think a lot of that's just making fun of the Instagram and stuff.
But it's been good. Okay.
You obviously, that was a joke. But there was a...
Well, no. He shuns.
He shuns. He'll shun you.
Shun off, shun on. Yeah, he will.
Yeah, it's like a fog mask. It's quite true.
He'll get you.

It's usually in the offseason when he leaves Green Bay.

I think his phone doesn't work from different area coaches.

I'll back you up on that one.

That's for sure.

He doesn't want to be bothered.

Oh, yeah.

Are you ready to hit somebody else yet?

Oh, can't wait.

I mean, we had the joint practice this week, too,

so we had a chance to do some of that.

But, yeah, I can't wait, man.

That's always the best thing is when you don't have to go against the same,

you know, damn people every single day. It makes a big difference.
You think J.J. Watt was faking his injury because he didn't want to get chipped by you? I actually had an opportunity to chip him.
Totally. I totally whiffed.
Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Damn.
But it's one of those things where, like, you don't want to get the back on that guy in the first place. Yeah.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
So you, Danny, you're a big boxing and MMA guy. Yeah.
Do you do it in the offseason? Yeah, all the time. And how does it help as a fullback? Well, the way I try to explain it to people is like, obviously like from a meathead perspective, I'm trying to lift all the time.
So it gets me real loose. Obviously I'm doing the kickboxing, boxing, hips, everything like that gets loose.
And then it's just transferring force from one spot to another. Really, um really and then it's just the mentality i mean that's what you got to carry over to football especially as a fullback in this day and age uh if you don't have that mentality you're not going to make it in the league long as a fullback so are you ever going to get in the octagon uh yeah it's definitely a bucket list item for me i'd love to um you could fight in rough and rowdy yeah i was gonna say i definitely fight rough and rowdy yes we'll get you up against another fullback who can fight i don't know uh john coon john coon that's perfect yeah i'm not stepping in no you're ready listen i grappled one off season to get ready for for football that is the worst shit in the world and that's grappling that's not throwing fisticuffs i don't want anything to do with that stuff yeah i still have my mind i'm gonna i'm gonna do the best i can to keep what i have left yeah danny have you thought about rocking the cowboy collar just like a big ass neck roll or something like that you know if it was like back in the old days 100 would um now that i'm like actually running routes and have to like look up for the fucking ball half the time like i can't i would not get gets in the way.
We're actually keeping track. So this year we implemented a stat.

We had somebody go back and do the math on it last year.

A fullback assist.

We invented a brand new stat this year.

It's when you set a block on somebody and they score a touchdown.

If they're lined up with a fullback and a running back within five yards,

if the tailback scores a touchdown and you hit the block,

then you get an assist,

which is a stat that I feel like has been missing from the NFL for a a very long time so i think devlin led the league in it last year but we're making we're starting a campaign to make it like an actual fantasy stat yeah no is it only on touchdowns i mean can't you get it on like short yardage runs or no it's gonna be touched yeah i mean i guess you could for a first down in theory but i feel like you know we'll implement it slowly yeah did you trademark this don't want the NFL stealing it. Right now, I just trademarked it right now.
Trademark. Trademark.
For BFT. Because you know Chris Collinsworth is going to hear this and steal it immediately.
Oh, pro football focus? Yeah. You need it.
So, fullbacks, do you guys, you know how kickers always meet in the middle or the quarterbacks meet in the middle? Do fullbacks do that after games? I don't know. I did.
Okay. Because, listen, man, it's a small fraternity, and you better keep that brotherhood alive.
Yes. They're trying to do away with the position.
No, we need to make a stand here. We might strike soon.
Yeah. Next CBA, we might sit out.
You guys need to get – we need to get, like, the endangered species list if it was just, like just like you know elephants and white rhinos and john coon but the weird part is you start finding yourself like some of those teams don't have fullbacks so you're like all right who's the shortest fat yeah exactly i'm gonna go say what's up to him oh yeah i try to i try to go talk to him every single time it's the same thing i would say it's like the fullback fraternity. Yeah.
Every time I go look and try and find them.

Actually, I always try to find out who they are before the game starts, too.

Like, look on the roster, height, weight, see all that stuff.

Oh, see what they did there?

Yeah, yeah.

Squat.

Then when you go meet with them after, you know,

kind of give them the eyeball test, stuff like that.

That's great.

The Jeep wave for fullbacks is just looking at you being like,

how much you squat, bro?

Yo, dude, you look pretty rocked up. Doing anything extra? Like, what are you doing? Any new workouts that you need to know about? My ship vane look good out there, dude.
Oh, I fucking love it. I love it.
All right, you're going to be a journalist now. You're going to try.
Yeah, I'm going to try. Do you need any tips? Yeah.
What do you got for me? You can can swear on the podcast and i got that i got it out early no you can swear on the broadcast too well no i just can't do that i mean shit well that's why i got it out here is because you know you got to get as many out as you can have you had to catch yourself because it is a different side of your brain when we go on like tv or do radio it's like okay you got to remember, remember, remember. Well, my wife is on my ass all the time.
Right setting, John. Right setting.
So, I mean, I have her in the back. I mean, her name's Lindsay.
I can't imagine how drunk you were when she says that. Right setting.
We've talked about this. So, I'm kind of prepared.
I already have that switch programmed in my head. You should just do subtle references to gambling like Al Michaels does.
Everybody loves that. And this one, it's over.
One of those ones. Kind of ruined people's days.
For most people like us, we don't bet the under. We just don't bet the over sometimes.
Right, exactly. Just don't bet the over.
Well, sometimes, yeah. That's all.
What do you bet, though? Just the over. You only bet the over.
Yeah. He was just being nice to the under.
And he was just trying to hide it. All the under people out there.
He's trying to be diplomatic. Well, you want people to think you're betting the under, so they bet the under so that the line comes down, and then you bet the under.
That's right. We should start manipulating the line.
Yes, we should. I mean, you guys got enough following.
You could. No, because everyone, they would just bet the reverse of what I do because I'm so bad.
They would also just call bullshit on us. Be like, you guys aren't betting the other.
Yeah. That's horseshit.
A lot of people have gotten rich feeding me publicly. So I think that would have the reverse effect.
Are you doing that to yourself too? Oh, I've done. Oh, yeah.
I mean, come on. I've done Costanza weekends where I just go gut pick and then flip them.
Yeah. The human body has a weird way of just knowing when to reverse itself, though.
Yeah, because then you mentally say, I actually kind of like this, and then you reverse it, whatever. It's a whole thing.
All right. My last question.
Danny, as a Bears fan, are you going to fumble on purpose September 5th? Absolutely not. Okay.
No, I'm full on Green Bay now. Yeah, but.
They pay me. I know, I know, but you're thinking.
Oops. Oops.
No, I wouldn't be shocked that the family's wearing Bears stuff, though, so I'm going to have to still try and convert some of them. Yeah, that will be fun.
That will be fun. So are they going to come up to Green Bay for the game when the Bears play here? That will be interesting.
I'm sure they'll be at both of them. Yeah, you actually, if you're having a good year, you can maybe get them some TV time.
Boy, how many tickets are you going to have to get for that Bears game? That's going to be a price tag. Last year was what, Christmas or the 23rd? Oh, well, then you can exchange Christmas gifts, but you can't do Christmas gifts in September now.
I'll tell you what, here's a Christmas gift. You can use SeatGeek promo code GRIT and get $20 off all those tickets for your family save you some coin on the flip side yeah and the SeatGeek question is I already oh I didn't do it no no no the SeatGeek question is uh why did Big Cat think that I already did the SeatGeek question because I did it with Matt LaFleur reverse reverse beep beep that's my backup noise shout out to golf carts uh what's the best block you guys have ever had? I mean, mine, I blocked, well, since we're on the Bears kick, I blocked Julius Peppers.
It was a late career, Julius Peppers. Actually, no, late, late was here.
No, it wasn't late because, well, late, late, late was Carolina. Yeah, yeah, he did go back.
Late was here and then late was there. No, he was a beast for, yeah.
No, he was an absolute animal. I mean, in all reality, I got lucky.
It was a lucky block, and he just happened to jump at the same time, so it made it look really good on my part. It made it look really good, but we won a division, and then they released him, and he came and played with us, so that was a lot of fun.
I'm going to kind of change it a little bit, but the biggest collision I ever had was like two years ago, I think. Me and Miles Jack, we were just running like an ISO play, and we just fucking collided.
And, you know, you kind of get your head bounced back, seeing stars, and I look at them. First of all, it felt like my head was like just a totally different shape.
And I looked at them, and we were like, fuck. Like both of us dab each other up.
And then I end up running off the field, and I take off my helmet. I'm like, I said, checking, making sure my head's not like a different shape.
Turned my face mask around, and it was just fucking caved in. Oh, shit.
Like, my whole face mask. So I got to keep that.
So that was my biggest collision. That was pretty cool.
That is pretty sick. Yeah.
It's the only way you get to keep helmets, too, in the NFL. Yeah, really? They don't really give you a whole lot of stuff.
Yeah. If you break your face mask.
Yeah. I remember hearing, what was his name, the fullback on the Lions.
Was it Schlesinger back in the day? Yeah. He broke, like, 14 face masks.
Oh, yeah. He always showed the paint coming off of it.
Yeah. When you get the paint off your helmet, that's when you know you're a fullback.
Yeah. I like that you just referred to the biggest collision of your career.
It's like not the best block. Was it in practice? Just like the most painful thing.
No, no, no. This is a game.
And you guys dapped each other up in the middle of the play? Oh, yeah. No, yeah.
We literally looked at each other and we're like, fuck, man. That was sick.
That was awesome. Yeah.
How did it happen on the play? I mean, I don't even know. It probably was like a – Him and Jack.
I'll find that. The plays 50 yards downfield.
They're just dapping each other up. They're just dapping each other by accident.
It have been a four-year game for all I know. Not to be offensive, how did you get into Northwestern? See, here's the – here, John's going to back me up on this, though.
Fullbacks get the rap that we're not smart people. I think they're some of the fucking smartest guys on the football field because we've got to know every line scheme, whether a run game or pass game we got to know all the protections you got to know every route at least in this offense now got to know every single route because they'll spread you out put you in the slot basically you got to know everything except for the quarterback's reads so I mean I think you got to be a pretty smart guy I know that's why Aaron loved him so and we remind each other that after every single game when we get it to fit the yard yeah smart no you're smart smart and strong what's the biggest muscle in your body is it the biceps or the brain wait oh last last question did uh did did revell or greeny ever pump up northwestern when you were there oh yeah greeny green you big time man yeah he's tell us about that.
Well, he actually was funny. He came in.

He was honorary captain one week.

Okay.

And I guess he went into the training room and was like, hey, can you guys spat me up?

I want to get spatted before I go out there.

What's that?

Like when you get the ankle tape.

We'll take you back to get spatted.

I've never been spatted to walk out of here.

I've never been spatted.

I've been taped up.

I've been lit up, but I've never been spatted before. So he spat him up.

Yeah, so he literally came out to give us our pregame pump-up speech in cleats and spat it up. Oh, my God.
Which is pretty funny. His wife was probably so mad.
Greeny, take your shoes off before you come and sew. I can't.
I'm spatted. Un-spat me.
Ow it hurts. Oh, man.
Alright, guys. Thank you so much.
Appreciate it. This was awesome.
Fullbacks to fullbacks. I fucking love it.
I'm going to look for it now. If we open, say, in our squat, what do we do when we close, man? Bench.
Yeah, bench. What do you bench? Best or now? Best.
Come on. What would you give us now? Unless now is your35.
435. Yeah, mine's actually the exact same.
Oh, damn. One rep? Yeah.
I'm telling you guys. Watch out.
Okay. All right.
I'm going to watch. Are you more likely to lead the league in fullback touchdowns or fullback assists this year? Ooh.
Both. That's a tough one.
Yeah. Why not both? Both.
The double crown? You've got like a fucking hype man here. He's just walking around.
Best in the league. we hype each other up at the 50 yard line tomorrow night great game man yeah oh man all right thanks boys appreciate it thanks thanks guys we're gonna get right back to the show auto insurance can all seem the same until it comes time to use it so don't get get stuck paying more for less coverage.
Switch to USA Auto Insurance and you could start saving money in no time. Get a quote today.
Restrictions apply. USA! All right, back to part of my take.
And now, my internet dad, Mike Florio. Okay, we now welcome on our friend, internet dad, internet uncle, Michael Florio.

It's probably a little too early.

We were going to wait until September to have all the AWLs have to listen to you drone on about your fantasy team.

But we needed to have you on because Antonio Brown makes no sense, and we need you to explain it as a former lawyer.

What the hell is going on? Well, first of all, I have noticed that during the offseason, you never invite me on.

There's plenty of that cool stuff that happens during the offseason, but I'm on the pay-no-mind list from January until September, except when you really, really need me, like right now. Correct.
That's exactly right. I mean, we have Pete Prisco on in the offseason all the time, but.
But just not you. We want to keep you fresh.
You're not an every down back. Yeah.
Well, but I think I can be. Every back that is not an every down back wants to be an every down back.
I want to be an every down back. I want to be on as often as I can.
I think I can handle it. You're not a bell cow.
I haven't had. The sooner you accept the fact.
Yeah. You're Chris Long.
We'll use you maybe a couple third downs here and there. All right.
So, yeah, the helmet thing. This is the damnedest thing.
Now, it's a crazy situation because Antonio Brown, by all appearances, is being unreasonable. He refuses to give up the helmet that he's worn for more than 10 years.
And this all started because the specific helmet he has is more than 10 years old. And because of that, it can't be recertified by this outside entity known as NOCSAE, N-O-C-S-A-E.
So that was what they fought about for months. And as of last Monday, the end result was he can't wear this helmet.
It's more than 10 years old. It can't be recertified.

And that was the end of it.

But then I had a reader who contacted Noxie and said,

hey, if he finds the same model that's less than 10 years old,

would you guys recertify it?

And the guy who runs Noxie said, yeah,

if he can find a shut air advantage that's less than 10 years old we'll recertify it and one thing leads to another and the raiders tell antonio brown what the league told the raiders this works if you can find a shut air advantage that's less than 10 years old and noxie recertifies it you can wear it so brown went to twitter on tuesday you guys may have seen it putting out the call for a shut air advantage made in 2010 or later he found several of them they eventually found one made in 2014 for a movie because they quit making the thing officially in 2011 so everything's moving in the direction of antonio brown wearing a shut air advantage that's less than 10 years old the nfl had never banned and prohibited the shut air advantage and then late in the week the NFL tells Antonio Brown sorry we have to test this thing and we're going to test it if it fails you can't wear it and then of course they tested it it failed and now he can't wear it even though Noxie recertified the helmet that Brown found and sent to them for reconditioning and recertification so at best it, it's been horrible communication between the Raiders, the NFL, and Browns camp. At worst, I feel like they just want to win.
They're just making it up as they go, as we often see them do, in order to get the result they want. The result they want is Antonio Brown doesn't get to wear the helmet he wants to wear.
So that's it in a nutshell. Okay, so why does the NFL not want Antonio Brown to wear his preferred helmet? Well, I think what happened was the NFL never bothered to test the shut-air advantage, even though Antonio Brown was still wearing one.
And that's the one thing that they won't flat-out admit, because what they've done over the past few years, they've begun to take out-of-service helmet models that they believe aren't sufficiently safe. Remember last year, Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers, and others were in that grace period where they let them wear the helmet one more year, even though the helmet itself was on the list of prohibited helmets.
They gave them one more year to adjust, find a new helmet, and move on. They never put the shut-air advantage on that list.
They rushed this week to test it and jam it onto that list. And I think one of the things Antonio Brown is currently upset about is Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers and others got a year to transition out of their helmet once they knew that their helmet model was banned.
But the NFL just banned the shut air advantage this week. Antonio Brown isn't going to get a year to transition out of it look you know

this is an intensely personal thing whether it's because guys think they look good in their helmet

they think they see better they think they play better whatever it is they get used to it tom

brady still would love to wear his old helmet he's admitted that and i think that's one of the reasons

why antonio brown's pissed off because there's a sense that the nfl once they recognized there was

a loophole because they had failed to previously test the shut air advantage they jammed out

Thank you. pissed off because there's a sense that the nfl once they recognized there was a loophole because they had failed to previously test the shut air advantage they jammed that loophole shut to win but and they're doing it for health and safety and whatnot but i think from antonio brown's perspective he feels like he got screwed over here that they did what they had to do so they would win and he would lose and he would have to go find a new helmet that he would prefer not to have to find.
Okay, so I guess, I mean, this whole thing is so stupid and it makes sense what you're saying, that essentially the NFL put out the rule hoping that he wouldn't find a helmet, then they're just going to keep saying no to every single new helmet. Eventually he's got to wear the new helmets.
I saw Mike Mayock today. Gruden and Mayock are playing a good cop, bad cop.
Gruden basically saying we fully support him, blah, blah, blah. Mayock was like, you're all in or you're all out.
Shit or get off the pot. What do you think the conclusion of this is going to be? Well, I mean, at a certain point, sanity has to prevail here.
He's got $30 million fully guaranteed that he's going to make over the next two years in any helmet that the NFL will let him wear. go pick another helmet and even if you don't play as well as you think you're going to play or you don't look as good as you would prefer to look or whatever the case may be you're still getting the 30 million if you don't play you lose the 30 million that's a hell of a decision to pin on 30 million dollars and I'd like to think for all for all of the craziness we've seen from Antonio Brown, I'd like to think that even he is not that warped, that he would walk away from $30 million.
I think he might be. I mean, if he doesn't look good, look good, play good.
Next thing you know, they tell you that you can't dye your mustache blonde. Right.
It's a very slippery slope. But, you know, as weird as it sounds, I was talking to somebody from the union that said every week during the season,

they're going to pay gladly $5,000, $3,000, $10,000 fines

because they want to have their socks as long as they want

or as short as they want.

The NFL says you're fine, and they don't care.

They really do think that.

And Chris Simpson has told me that, which is ironic,

because he's never really played good.

But he said, if you look good, you play good.

And he always wanted to look good.

So at least he had half of it under control.

But that's the mindset that these players have. He's just trying to cover up his Kyle Shanahan tattoo.
That's why I wanted to wear the long socks. Well, that's true.
The extra long socks cover up the Kyle Shanahan tattoo. That is true.
I've tried to get him to show that to me. He's so embarrassed about that now.
I'm surprised he just hasn't gotten it removed. He's got the money to get it removed.
He refuses to show it to me. All right, so my last question is the most important question.
What would you suggest we do for our fantasy team if our draft is coming? No, no, no, I'm not answering that question. No, I'm not saying.
I'm not answering your fantasy team. You're on your own.
I'm asking no. We're putting out our official rankings of our first-round draft picks this week, and we don't know if it's worth taking a shot at them.
Based upon the information that I have just shared, make your own decisions. That's all I'm saying.
I'm not making any fantasy advice, and I'm definitely not sharing any of my own. Okay.
Come on. You just don't want to say, did you have him last year? Don't.
I'm not saying. I am not.
You're not going to get me to do this this year. You must have had him last year.
You got burned last year. Well, no, the problem is, like, if he's in a keeper league, are you in a keeper league? Just answer that.
Like, what format? Guys, listen, it's not going to work on me this year. Even if that means you're not going to call me up every other week so you can mess with me and get me to talk about my fantasy team, I'm not going to do it.
No, we really do care about fantasy football this year because Hank's starting a fantasy football podcast. Yeah, Hank's actually starting one.
Will you go on his show? Stop it. If Hank reaches out, I'll deal with Hank separately.
Okay. All right.
Well, Mike, we'll see you in a couple weeks. We'll probably text you on, you know the drill, Sunday night when we don't have a guest and it's like 930, we'll you yeah next time try to give me more than two minutes notice no you're the fault you're the fallback guy yeah you're our fall guy chris carter thanks all right thanks thanks dad see ya see ya the barstool golf time app makes it easy for golfers to find the best tee times at the best prices.
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Let's get some segments. First up, we haveeter king ate the trash again oh good so love that he's doing this because this happened right before we got in the studio to record and peter king god damn it you love eating that trash he retweeted uh a parody account a fake account that said sources confirmed that raiders qb derrick carr tried to convince brown to change his mind but brown told car i don't listen to no whack-ass trump supporters and peter king quote tweeted and said has any player ever done more to shoot his way out of town before ever playing a game there rake ruth yeah there you go but peter king way to man.
Nothing like eating the trash.

I don't think he should be allowed to be on Twitter past 6 p.m. Right.
After you get half an Allagash White into Peter King, he should have a phone. He should have a breathalyzer on his phone like people do with their car ignitions.
Right. Where he should have to get on if he wants to quote, tweet, or retweet something.
But more importantly I just want to say if Peter King

Follows you on Twitter

It is your moral imperative to retweet as many bogus news stories as possible. Just fill his timeline with the fakest news stories.
I'm glad that he did. I mean, it's preseason for Peter King, too, so he's probably going to get fooled a couple more times.
This is when Peter makes his big mistakes, by the way. Yes the way yes isn't the preseason driving through bike lanes and just mowing down cyclists and refusing to apologize for it uh what did he do last week he did something where we banned him from the show right well yeah he he got pulled over while talking on his phone well he's driving while talking on his phone either that or he heard the siren he was listening to part of my take and he heard the siren come through the window probably which by the way hey it'll surprise you to know that the windows were not fixed last week yes next week they're gonna be finished yeah so this uh this show if you feel so inclined tweet all business pete tomorrow morning but do it with a if you google like picture broken link or picture that won't load tweet him a picture maybe even just a blacked out screen and say hey pete what the hell is this so he thinks that his wi-fi which does suck here is really really bad and he can't load any pictures yeah just send him a gif of the of the loading like the circle yes yes that never stops sit there being like fuck my wi-fi sucks which it does uh we have a king stay kings we actually have two by the way by the way.
I added one late, late breaking one.

But first up, King's Stay Kings.

So the first up is Marlins, man.

We talked about the Williamsport game.

Someone asked him, are you at the game tonight?

Haven't seen you on TV.

The most important question.

He said, no way I would go.

No way I take a seat from a kid.

It's just like the MLB games at military bases. No way I take a seat from a trooper.
Yep. Troopers, you are safe to attend games at Fort Bragg, and children, you're safe to attend games in Williamsport.
What are the odds that he just kind of forgot about this game? Probably, yeah, like 99%, 100%. He probably turned it on and was like, shit.
He should have just gotten a kid and made the kid wear all the Marlins man stuff.

Yes.

Like found a little kid and put him in his oversized shirt and his upside down visor.

He probably has a few kids from out there with the way he, you know, is traveling around.

We're talking like an NBA team, MLB team out there on the road a lot.

Yeah.

Road beef for Marlins man. It's happening.
Yeah. So he's probably got kids got kids everywhere no he strikes me as one of those guys that you see in law and order episodes where it's like a fertility doctor that has 2 000 children that he's just impregnated yeah he's probably just impregnated a ton of troops yes troopers troopers yeah uh but yeah so shout out marlon's man for uh not going and not taking a seat away from a kid appreciate it man that's that's's, that's why you're the best.
This is listen. This is why we pay attention to Marlins man.
This is why his message gets out there because of his consistent values. Correct.
You buddy. The other kids are King.
Stay Kings. I was going to say kids, stay kids.
Lenny Dykstra. So Lenny made a proclamation similar to Marlins man saying he would not take a seat from a trooper at the Williamsport or a kid.
Lenny Dykstra said enough exclamation point. Stop private messaging me to ask me my opinion about, about whether Maddie Frecking, the young lady in the little league world series is going to be hot in five or six years or whatever.
Everyone stop hashtag inappropriate, even forails Nation. Stop that.
And then he put a link to her. Oh, good.
And then he included a picture. Yeah.
Hashtag inappropriate for hashtag Nails Nation. Yes.
Even for Nails Nation. So thank you for standing up.
We have a line. Good guy, Lenny Dykstra.
We found the line. Yeah.
We're not going to cross it. Listen, maybe if she was 14 or 15, he would speculate on that.
But the fact that she's 12, he's not going to touch it. This is one of those situations where, like, Lenny, you had to make an announcement that you weren't going to rate the attractiveness of a 12-year-old girl.
That probably is, like, the fact that you had to make the announcement. We've gone a little – we've gone astray somewhere down the line.
Yes. We've lost the plot.
Exactly. And you you know what he should do he should do that thing where he just includes like a link to his Patreon he's like in order to fund me continuing to not rate attractiveness yeah Lenny Dykstra should just start a website that's the opposite of hot or not where he just doesn't rate the attractiveness of prepubescent children what an announcement good job Lenny not even for nails nation by the way he didn't rule out in five or six years though so even for nails nation the appropriate now he's just not going to comment publicly on it but you better believe that he's going back in the dms lenny dykstra is having some off the record conversations about this right now uh all right finally before we get to, actually, we have two more.
We have hurt or injured for the entire Washington Redskins team slash medical staff. Yes.
So what's going on? So everything's going on there. So Trent Williams is not going to play for the team this year, he said, because they misdiagnosed a tumor on his head, which seems like a pretty big deal.
Then, obviously, Alex Smith has had numerous setbacks with his leg. And Colt McCoy, not to be out, this is why he's a good backup because you get the same type of consistency from your backup as your starter his broken leg has not been healing correctly either and he won't be ready until like three or four weeks into the regular season so basically everybody on the R-Words is getting injured and it's one of those situations you remember when uh when chiano was like in tampa bay yeah and where there's just like immerse immerse just swimming around the facility you'd have better luck getting injured at the bottom of a trench in world war one than in that redskins locker room right now with all the shit that's like creeping around it's crazy to me that these teams that are making so much money and such huge investments, how they don't have the biggest, greatest medical staff, it's insane.
It is insane. Yeah, well, Dan Snyder is the answer to this one.
Yes, that is true. But you see it on other teams, too, where it's like, oh, yeah, well, they just can't diagnose anything correctly.
Yeah, so I don't know what's going to happen. I guess it's looking like Colt is going to be injured until October this year from a broken fibula.
You know what it was? Sanchez. Sanchez was in that locker room last year.
He got everyone breaking bones. Everyone breaking bones.
No, I was going to say the clap. Yeah, that's true.
Everyone's got something. Everyone's, yeah, they're getting more STDs than TDs.
Yeah. All right, my last one before we get to our Monday reading.
We read a headline. I didn't read this story, but I just saw the headline.
Okay. 538.
You know them, right? The nerds. Yes.
They predicted 2016 perfectly. They wrote, are we sure Aaron Rodgers is still an elite quarterback? I don't know.
We're asking the question. The nerds have been asking the question.
Again, i didn't read it because i was worried that they were just burying the lead having everyone click it and be like haha he is yeah so i didn't click it didn't click it but but the headline worked i'm gonna assume he's not yeah a 60 chance that he is still an elite quarterback which means that he's actually not yeah in illinois he's polling is not an elite yeah yeah He hasn't shown up in Wisconsin in a while. That's true.
That's true. Or Pennsylvania.
Yes. All right.
We have to finish up the show. A Monday reading that, whew, boy, it is a doozy.
Ready for it? Yeah. Headline.
I'm contemplating buying my divorced mom a sex toy as a gift. Is that weirdank your reaction initial reaction yes okay well hold on can we get lenny on the line for don't judge don't judge all right first of all i'm a 24 year old male i guess i wouldn't be asking this if i were a female yeah no shit like no i still think that if if you're a female you just go ahead and you do it for your mom.
Because you know that it's the right thing to do.

I still think you'd probably maybe be like, is this weird?

So he writes, please don't jump to judgment.

There's context.

Okay, we're good.

There's context, at least.

There's more to this story.

Yeah.

My mom's been divorced with my dad and single for over three years now.

And they had been very distant for the last three years of their marriage.

No boyfriend for her at this time. We are Chinese chinese living in china and she's quite a traditional woman how are you on reddit if you're in china don't they have that blocked out like china blocks google but they're gonna let you go on to reddit yeah that seems yeah that seems counterintuitive so so it's safe to assume she's not had sex for quite a long time a good assumption but i don't know why you're even thinking about this yeah uh it was chinese valentine's day a few days ago and i bought my girlfriend a lilo sona clitoris stimulator and she likes it tonight it just crossed my mind that anyone with a clitoris would appreciate it yeah anyone so i just blurted it out let him animals conclusion like when was he just sitting at the dinner table yeah he's just like oh shit you came you know who else has a clit my mom i i kind of like this guy because he's so matter of fact about it he's like this is pleasurable for clitoris it's one plus one equals two yes you have a clit i have the lino lilo sona clit stimulator let's make a match yeah it like a perfect puzzle fit.
So I just blurted it out and asked my girlfriend, should I gift my mom one of these? I live far away from home and only go back once or twice a year. That, okay, that now makes sense.
Because imagine if you lived at home, you're not getting a little pocket rocket for your mom. Yeah, because anytime you hear a buzzing sound, you're going to assume that that's what it is.

The electric toothbrush, you're like, oh, that's my mom using the Lilo clit stimulator again.

My phone's not on vibrate.

And I just wish my mom to be happy, healthy, sexually liberated, and awakened, even though, or especially, she's almost in her menopause age.

Okay, now we're going.

Too much information.

No.

But this is a good son.

I think so, too. He's lost, agree this is a good son i think so too

he's he's he's lost but he's a good son his heart's in the right place her clitoris yes and a lilo doesn't look so on the nose so it didn't seem to be a horrible idea when i said it of course i would have a talk with my mom about it before i get her one of her yeah that will be good have the talk Hey, Mom, listen, I was thinking about your clit, and I have this idea.

No, no, no, no, wait, wait.

Hey, Mom, I was... get her one of her yeah that will be good have the talk hey mom listen i was thinking about your clit and uh i have this idea hey mom i was i was uh thinking about your clit after i was thinking about my girlfriend's clit yeah so my girlfriend came real hard on her clit and i was thinking about that clit and then it well i was like wait maybe my mom could not too all right so so wait wait wait wait so at least in his at least in his defense, he's not going out and getting a mold made of his own dick and giving it to his mom.
Yes. He's making the responsible, classy decision.
He could have gotten a lot weirder than this. Gotten the one that has the butt plug and the normal plug.
Yeah, okay. And then the thing that comes over the top, the tickler.
Yeah. He's just getting like, it's no different than buying your mom a tube of lipstick.
Yeah, right. Or like a nice pair of orthopedic shoes.
And this guy's mind serves the exact same function as a vibrator. A good office chair.
Yeah, exactly. It's in your posture, mom.
Okay, so my girl- You'll sit up straighter if you're busting a grape. My girlfriend, however, had quite a big reaction to it.
I'm shocked that it's still your girlfriend, first of all. But here were her points against this.
One. I'm interested.
She called the idea creepy and gross. Fair.
Two. She made an analogy and asked me what I would think if she asked me whether it's a good idea to buy her dad a fake pussy.
Yeah. Also fair.
guys do now uh just buy him a four loco uh three she thinks it's super arrogant of me to assume my mom doesn't have the ability to pleasure herself women can pleasure themselves without a toy i don't think she does or uh does it enough based on my knowledge about her that's a good point you just gas lit your mom's pussy yeah well i don't know if gaslit but no you just say that when you don't when you just confuse you just throw it in there no what it is this lady is gatekeeping yeah keeping her boyfriend's mom's clit yes and she does bring up kind of a good point which is like why do you assume that like a robot can do the job better than than just the human hand or what you could do just to like subtly help your mom get the message buy her a bunch of stuff that she can use to fuck herself with yeah like over and over go hey mom here's a cucumber you know what i got you that banana that you were eye fucking in the grocery store why don't you start by maybe like upgrading her uh shower her her shower like you know her shower head her shower head yeah maybe get some more uh you know pressure coming out of there then we'll see where we go all right four one only buys sex toys for someone they want to fuck or is fucking also fair point not necessarily well yeah i guess uh if you're gonna go on like an amazon wish list for your favorite porn star yeah it's not always because you want to kind of fucking no it's No, it's not always because you want to fuck them. You just want to be a good follower of theirs.
Yeah. You don't want to feel intimately connected to them because you've watched them have sex.
Yes. And if you're following them on Twitter, they're doing an emotional labor service that you're taking advantage of.
Yeah. So you can platonically, very platonically buy them a mold of your own penis.
And to go further with this, you actually kind of have a relationship with your favorite porn star. Cause you're probably commenting on every Instagram being like, you look so hot.
Yeah. When you wear that.
Exactly. So she relies on you for your support.
Yeah. Five.
I lack the basic common sense and she has to reevaluate me now as a person. I think five was pretty much the big one there.
Yeah. That felt like one through four were just basic things.
Five was, hey, we're going to break up soon. soon uh that was a lot of words to just be like my girlfriend thinks i'm a weirdo yes because i want to fuck my mom all right so he finishes my parents never had the talk with me we never talked about sex ever this is not something uh edible this comes from me attempting to help my mom with her physical and psychological health i'm no longer afraid afraid to talk about sex with her.
I reflect. This is me recognizing my mom as a sexual being and just want her to be happy and enjoy herself.
This guy is thinking way too much about this shit. That being said, I see what my girlfriend is saying.
I'm not blind to how strange it seems for a man to recognize his mom has a clit and also possibly hasn't had an orgasm in years. But maybe I'm just a bit past getting embarrassed for that.
How do you look at this? I think the ending, you kind of summed the whole thing up. Yeah, the fact that she said that you're a weirdo.
You know what? I don't think that this girl is right for this guy. Nice, the over hit.
Nice. I told you, overs are back.
I'm on fire fire i'm on fire uh yeah this yeah you're weird you you you basically could have just skipped everything and said hey my girlfriend broke up with me reddit post my girlfriend broke up with me because i bought i tried to buy my mom a clip blaster anyone got a new favorite porn star i can look up yeah that really could have just been the post yeah and there's no question that that can be better served with the format of uh like my 33 m like i just love that format yeah the way that's 24 it's like my 24 m mom 53 f like i love any any like question that you have out there if you post it in the reddit format it's always way, way better to read. Yes, absolutely.
All right. That is our show.
Banger of a show. Thanks, Hank, for waking me up and getting me mad again.
That actually was. We didn't do smelling salts tonight.
We're out. We actually need someone to send us some.
Oh, I've got some. I took some to the bar yesterday.
What the fuck? You got a problem. Drug guy.
Drug guy. No, not a drug guy.

It's totally legal.

Dude, you're just banging smelling salts at the bar?

I was banging some nose torque, yeah, at the bar.

All right, drug guy.

All right, we'll see you Wednesday.

You know what you can do is you can hold it up to your eyes, too, and it stings the eyes

and makes it cry.

Yeah, we know.

Drug guy.

Love you guys.

I didn't know that.

I didn't know that. Thank you.
Thank you. It's Pardon My Take presented by Barstool Sports.