Topher Grace, Jared Goff With Some Emergency News, Mt Rushmore Of Ages

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Speaker 1 On today's part in my take, we have Topher Grace in studio. The guy who got me out of jury duty all that time ago, that that 70s show, Black Mirror, Black Cleansman.
I watched Black Cleansman.

Speaker 1 I liked it. Yeah, it's a really good show, right? So when we talk in the interview, I didn't see any of the things he'd been in, but he's very good.
Him playing David Duke was

Speaker 4 kind of chilling.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so interesting convo with him. He's a fan, so it was a fun, fun interview.
We also have Firefest of the Week, Mount Rushmore of Ages,

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 some license to Jill. Jillie Football has finally come back home.
She's gone for a month and she just showed up one day, so we have her back on the show.

Speaker 4 She's like a cat finding her way back to the old barn. Yes.

Speaker 5 When cool, creamy ranch meets tangy, bold buffalo, the hole is greater than the sum of its sauce. Say howdy, partner, to new Buffalo Ranch sauce, only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Speaker 4 At participating, McDonald's.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's go.

Speaker 1 Now in the street, there is violence.

Speaker 1 And then I love the sound work to be done.

Speaker 1 No place to hang out on washing.

Speaker 1 And then I can't blame all of the sun. Oh, no, we're gonna rock it down to Eli Trick Avenue.

Speaker 1 And then we take it higher.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're gonna rock it down to Eli Trick Avenue.

Speaker 1 Presented by far.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Part of My Take presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now and use code BarStool.
$5 for free, $5 to ASPCA. Today is Friday, August 16th.

Speaker 1 I think Mike Glennon is the starting quarterback for the Oakland Raiders.

Speaker 4 Mike Glennon looks good, but now

Speaker 4 we divorce Big Cat because we haven't seen Nate Peterman. True.
He's yet to get in. So we're watching it.
The game's on.

Speaker 4 We're going to get a little treat for ourselves buried in the second half of the show. The Nate Peterman factory is coming out.
But yeah, Glennon looked good. Derek Carr looked good.

Speaker 1 Tyler Murray looked good.

Speaker 4 Kyler Murray looked pretty bad.

Speaker 1 Wow. Three for eight.
You know what, though? Spin zone. Kyler Murray, three for eight, 12 yards.
Guess what? The quarterback that you replaced, that's a great stat line for him. Josh Rosen.

Speaker 4 That is a perfect.

Speaker 1 The torch has been passed.

Speaker 4 So we're ready to declare after this first half: maybe Kyler Murray's a bust after watching this. The question has to be asked: is he maybe too tall?

Speaker 4 Because he was a lot better when he was 5'9.

Speaker 1 Now he's

Speaker 1 5'12. He's 11, 10, 5'10.
He turned his back somewhere around there in our community.

Speaker 4 I did notice that Cliff Kingsbury is standing next to him a lot on the sidelines. I think that's just a selfish play by Cliff to try to look tall, look swaggy for his tender profile pick.

Speaker 1 My favorite part about preseason is it is preseason for our knee-jerk reactions because I'm getting, I feel like I'm getting back in the flow. I said Mike Glennon was the worst quarterback ever

Speaker 1 last episode.

Speaker 1 Now,

Speaker 1 I'm wondering if Mike Glennon is the future for the Oakland Raiders or if the Bears should trade for him. And Kyler Murray is an absolute bust.
And the Falcons, I don't like their offensive line.

Speaker 1 Boom, I said it. Jets are going to win the Super Bowl.
Jets look great. There's all my hot takes.

Speaker 4 The Jets have an awesome color scheme this year. They looked good.
Kind of Oregon-ish. Anytime a team plays with that color green, it takes half a second off their 40 time.
That's just a fact.

Speaker 4 I didn't make that up.

Speaker 1 Oh, and the Packers stink. And Aaron Rodgers and Matt LaFleur don't like each other.

Speaker 4 Okay, also, every Bangladesh.

Speaker 1 So much so Aaron Aaron Rodgers didn't even play tonight. That's right.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 In Trouble in Paradise.

Speaker 1 He sat out with a stiff back.

Speaker 4 Interesting. Because he claims he's been carrying the team the last six years.
Yes.

Speaker 4 But wait, what year was Glennon drafted? Is he getting the six-year bump? Oh, shit. I feel like the six-year bump

Speaker 4 and the seven-year itch are two sides of the same STD coin.

Speaker 1 I think Mike Glennon was drafted in 2013. Someone do the math.

Speaker 1 16.

Speaker 1 But then, then, is it the 2000?

Speaker 4 It counts as one, but there was no year zero because there was no zero. 15, 16, 17.

Speaker 4 This is the

Speaker 4 seven-year itch for him.

Speaker 1 Good thing I got it.

Speaker 4 We got six-year bump car, seven-year itch, Mike Lennon.

Speaker 1 Yes. So, yeah, we're just going to overreact to all of the preseason games.

Speaker 1 Preseason week two starting to look like some of the players, you know, like some of the starters stay in for more than just a series.

Speaker 1 It feels like football, it's like creeping back, slowly creeping back.

Speaker 4 I did notice watching the Bengals Arwards game that every single Bengals quarterback looks like Andy Dalton when they're on the field. Yes.
He's just been there so long.

Speaker 4 And I think the red hair, orange helmet thing kind of contributes to it a little bit. It doesn't matter.
If you're a white quarterback that's out there, you look like Andy Dalton.

Speaker 4 It's like the Giants wide receivers. I always think every single one of them is still a Mani Tumor.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and Plaxco Burris, too. They have two kinds.

Speaker 4 If they have a tall guy,

Speaker 1 he's Plaxco.

Speaker 4 If they have like a six-foot-one guy, he's a bad person.

Speaker 1 He's agree with Tumer. I agree with that.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, preseason week two. I don't know.
The only other NFL news we had was Todd Gurley got a cat.

Speaker 1 Finally.

Speaker 4 Finally. Fucking Todd.

Speaker 4 Todd finally took the time to text into the cash app, reached out to the ASPCA, got his little fucking cat.

Speaker 1 Cute cat, by the way. It is.
Bow tie.

Speaker 1 That's fucking cute.

Speaker 4 And he does like a little voice for the cat, too. That's cute.
But I will say that acquiring a cat is the first step towards retirement. Yeah.

Speaker 4 You don't get a cat unless you're thinking about retiring.

Speaker 1 Second cat is he's retired. Absolutely.
Because then you're like, I got all this time and I need another cat. I got two cats to conversate with.

Speaker 1 Third cat, you're never getting married and you're just going to live with cats for the rest of the cat.

Speaker 4 You're just a cat person and you're committed to that lifestyle.

Speaker 1 So, with Todd Gurley getting a cat, the most famous person who is going to get a cat but has yet to get a cat now is Henry Lockwood. Well, no, I don't have to get a cat at all.

Speaker 6 Todd Gurley was a man of his word, much like I would have been if Duke had lost the bet, which I made, which they won.

Speaker 1 But did seeing Todd Gurley? Well, no, did they win the championship?

Speaker 6 They did not lose before the Elite Eight.

Speaker 1 But they did lose in the. Did they lose in the Elite 8? Yeah, not by 20.

Speaker 4 Did seeing Todd with that cat, just like the biggest smile on his face, did that, make you be like, you know what? I could picture myself.

Speaker 1 I was ready to get a cat.

Speaker 6 Trust me.

Speaker 6 I have accepted it.

Speaker 6 If I had made the bet and lost, I would have got a cat. I'm a man of my word.

Speaker 1 I'm a man of honor. All I'm saying is the world

Speaker 1 is waiting for Todd Gurley to get a cat. And now that that's happened, the world is waiting for LeBron Lockwood.
Yep. We need LeBron.

Speaker 4 Bronny Brown. Would you feed LeBron Taco Tuesday?

Speaker 1 No. Would you let LeBron get an Instagram?

Speaker 6 Every day is Taco Day in the Lockwood household.

Speaker 1 Taco Tuesday has been canceled, dude.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you can't do that.

Speaker 1 You cannot do that. Taco Tuesday.

Speaker 4 LeBron went, he was extra with his Taco Tuesday this week. It was offensive.

Speaker 1 It's too much. I can't watch it.

Speaker 1 I had to delete Instagram.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, that's basically what's going on. on the NFL front.

Speaker 4 That's it. The other thing I noticed was I always love the preseason announcing crews because they're always from one of the teams.

Speaker 4 So you get like Andrew Ciciliano usually does a game, and they're always wearing the team polo shirts, and they're looking like they're

Speaker 4 a catering team for the owner's funeral or something.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes. They're out for like a golf outing or something.
They're ready to go. Oh, Boogers out there.
All right, so hopefully we get Nathan Peterman.

Speaker 4 We're going to get some Nadie Peterman, man.

Speaker 1 Also, training camp fights are big time back in all the NFL. This is right when teams are ready to go because

Speaker 1 either camp's about to break break or it just broke kyle long

Speaker 1 recurring guest friend of the program who we have his back no matter what he took uh a helmet off and and started bashing someone so and then it's tricked so but we we totally

Speaker 1 yeah we think that's a cool move that's what that is anyone else that is the kyle long hat trick right there's wrong but kyle Dude, that probably looked really sweet.

Speaker 4 It did, yeah. And then Mike Rabel got into the middle of a fight, I think, against the Patriots.
So Mike Vrabel was obviously just trying to instigate a fight so he could get in there and break it up.

Speaker 1 I mean, we've told this story, but when we saw Coach Rabel at the Combine two years ago, he came up to us and he slapped my back so hard that I think I swallowed my own tongue.

Speaker 1 So I think he just, like, when he gets to the facility every morning, he's just coming up to guys and like, let's go, and just smacking guys. And the human body creates contact is Mike Rabel.

Speaker 1 It is, yeah.

Speaker 4 And he's always rocking that sweater vest thing, which makes him look even more jacked than he is. He's intimidated.

Speaker 4 I think he just wanted, he was challenging Bill Belichick to step in and break up the fight, too.

Speaker 4 Trying to do just like an alpha off.

Speaker 1 Could you imagine? No.

Speaker 6 Belichick would kill him.

Speaker 1 Mike Vrabel. Mike Vrabel.
Yes. Okay, Mike Fell.

Speaker 6 He's like a master of his beast of sensei type. Hold on.

Speaker 1 Mike Vrabel versus Bill Belichick, steel cage match.

Speaker 1 Ernie Adams on Bill Belichick's side. He has a knife.

Speaker 4 I was going to say Ernie Adams poisons Vrabel's food before he went. But who wins?

Speaker 1 Ernie Adams with a knife. You know what?

Speaker 4 Bill Belichick's the type of guy that has like one move that he like hits your neck and you just die yeah the kill bill yeah he's a five finger point or whatever it is yeah he's the old kung fu master that can still catch a fly with chopsticks and the young guy that's all jacked up can't do it i yeah i would agree with that i also think that if Ernie Adams was involved, he would know about a food allergy that Mike Vrabel didn't even know that he had yet.

Speaker 4 True. And he'd like to shake his hand with some peanut dust on it.

Speaker 1 Here's just making drops. Yeah.
Yeah, that's true. Okay, so that would be a match.
Bring back celebrity deathmatch.

Speaker 4 Yes, please.

Speaker 1 All right, before we do... Oh, no, we have to talk a little.
We We actually have two more things we got to do before we get to our Fire Fest.

Speaker 1 First, thoughts and prayers to the Boogie Cousins.

Speaker 1 Actually, sucks. That does.
Like, I actually feel bad for Boogie Cousins. Torres ACL.

Speaker 1 He is the flip side of we always love when a guy bets on himself.

Speaker 1 He's the flip side of that because not only did he take a one-year contract with the Warriors, they didn't win a ring. He then takes another one-year contract with the Lakers, tears ACL.

Speaker 1 He could have probably made a ton of money if he doesn't tear his Achilles with the Pelicans two years ago. So that sucks.
It does suck.

Speaker 4 It's tough because Boogie's a pretty likable guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I like him.

Speaker 4 He plays with a lot of passion. He's got a big ass.

Speaker 1 He's got a bad attitude sometimes, but that's fine. I like a guy with a bad attitude.

Speaker 4 I'm trying to figure out a way, and maybe you guys can help me out with this. It's got to be LeBron's fault somehow.

Speaker 4 I'm trying to think how it possibly could be LeBron's fault. Maybe it's all the chalk that he throws around.
Maybe it created a slippery floor environment.

Speaker 1 That's true. Were they on the same floor?

Speaker 4 Yeah, I have to assume that they were. You have to.

Speaker 1 In practice.

Speaker 1 But Well, LeBron's shooting in his movie.

Speaker 6 I don't think he even shows up to practice.

Speaker 4 Oh, so maybe, okay, so Boogie not having good competition against him made him kind of let his guard down a little bit.

Speaker 1 He landed up playing.

Speaker 6 Did you guys see, too, that LeBron needs a body double for the basketball scenes and Space Jam?

Speaker 1 Really? Show his dick?

Speaker 4 Because, yeah, he definitely needs a dick.

Speaker 1 He didn't do that. People forget that LeBron showed his dick for the whole country.

Speaker 4 Not as impressive as one might think.

Speaker 4 The good news, though. Still like nine times bigger than mine.

Speaker 1 The good news, small dicks are back.

Speaker 4 Oh, that's true. Small dicks are back.

Speaker 1 Shout out to me and all the other small dick guys. Dad bods and small dicks.
It's our decade.

Speaker 1 Why? What do you mean? Why? Vice decided.

Speaker 4 Why? Vice said, yeah. Come on, Generation Z declared small.
Some writer with a small dick at Vice determined to write a think piece about why small dicks are actually.

Speaker 1 That's all you need, though. That's all you need.

Speaker 4 Hey, less distance for the sperm to travel.

Speaker 1 Big dicks are such a show-off move. Like, you get hurt.
All kinds of things that go wrong. Yeah, people with big dicks die earlier, too.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you can get them trapped in the end of an escalator.

Speaker 1 You can trip on itself. Uh-huh.

Speaker 4 When you're going fishing, you could get it caught by accident.

Speaker 1 You could be in porn and just get paid a lot of money

Speaker 1 to just be in porn.

Speaker 6 Not actually, there's actually not a lot of money. It's porn.
That's true.

Speaker 4 You could break your hand. You could break your hand by getting too many high fives from people in the locker room.

Speaker 1 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 4 Sucks.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 if you have a big dick, you have to be the big dick joke guy. That's a lot of pressure.
Yeah, absolutely. That's a lot of pressure.

Speaker 1 So, the good news, the silver lining of Boogie's injury, roster spot for Mello. Yep.
Roster spot for Mello. And at this point, I think Mello is probably the same size as Boogie.
So

Speaker 1 you don't have to. So you can just play him at center.
Yeah, you could. You could just.
Stretch center.

Speaker 4 Stretch five. What about Gilbert Arenas? No one's tossed that name out.

Speaker 1 I know he lives in L.A. I wonder why no one's tossed that out.

Speaker 4 Yeah, no one's really thought about Agent Zero in a while.

Speaker 1 But seriously, Mello. Mellow, come on.
Just do it. Mellow.
Just fucking do it. Do it for the people.

Speaker 1 The other news we had, Conor McGregor punched a guy, but not in an octagon. Again.
And it was an old guy.

Speaker 4 Yeah, he was probably like 70 years old. He didn't want to drink Conor McGregor's whiskey.
So McGregor went into this bar. I presume it was in Ireland.
It feels like an Irish move. Yep.

Speaker 4 And he put down a cup in a bar. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Drinking in a bar. Excuse me, a pub.
Total Irish move. A pub.

Speaker 4 And he put down a cup in front of like five people to give them a shot of whiskey. The old man pushed it away.
He put another cup in front of him. The old man pushed it away again.

Speaker 4 And then Connor hit him with a left hook. And the dude just chewed it and just sat there and kept going on with his day.

Speaker 1 Connor's got no power.

Speaker 4 No power anymore.

Speaker 1 No power.

Speaker 4 It's good advertising for Proper 12, though. Yeah, because it's like if you don't drink this whiskey, Connor McGregor might knock you out.

Speaker 1 He might show up and punch you in the face.

Speaker 4 That's as good an excuse as any to drink Proper 12 whiskey.

Speaker 1 Actually,

Speaker 1 if Connor wants to get out of this, they just need to make that a viral ad. He just goes around to bars and punches people and be like, look, it was all part.
We were filming an ad. Yeah.
Sorry.

Speaker 1 We forgot to get a release from this guy. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Our bad. Every time you go into a bar and you order Jameson, you're putting your life in jeopardy.
That's actually a good strategy.

Speaker 4 Or maybe he could spin it like the guy called him Chris, and that's like saying the N-word in Ireland. Yes.
And so you're allowed to fight somebody after that.

Speaker 1 The crazy part about Connor McGregor, I feel like everything, every bad news that comes out about him happened three months ago. So this happened in April.

Speaker 1 Connor McGregor must just be like, what do you got on your schedule, Connor? Oh, well, this video is probably going to come out. This news is going to come out.

Speaker 1 I did this back in October, so that's got to come out.

Speaker 4 Yeah, he's got a calendar of scandals that are going to make the press.

Speaker 1 You know what he must do? He's done something. Think about this right now.
The next Connor McGregor story that breaks, that's a scandal, has already happened.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it's probably happening right now as we speak.

Speaker 1 Connor. No, that's

Speaker 1 December scandal.

Speaker 4 Connor, don't do it. I'm trying to help you out right now.
If you're listening, go home, stay by yourself. Yeah,

Speaker 4 he's got a full schedule ahead of him for sure.

Speaker 1 Connor, I don't know.

Speaker 4 I don't know what he's up to.

Speaker 4 Just like if he's not fighting somebody, if he's not actively engaged in in a boxing match or the lead-up to a boxing match, and that noise that you hear right now, here we go, is another fire truck.

Speaker 4 And Pete said that these windows would be fixed by when by today? Today. Guess what? They didn't get fixed.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to fucking. I'm so mad.
I'm going to give Pete a hundred Madden coats. All business.

Speaker 4 Just Pete. Tweeted him.
Oh, shit.

Speaker 4 Actually, I saw somebody tweet at him today, but didn't have a message. It was just at all business Pete.
Just do that.

Speaker 1 No message at all.

Speaker 4 Just at all business Pete tweet.

Speaker 6 Or just press enter a bunch of times and write one letter.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Fill up his fucking timeline. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Like just dot, dot, dot, dot all the way down. So he can't.
Yes, do that. We will retweet that if you do that.

Speaker 4 Yeah. So what was my train of thought? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 It was if Connor McGregor doesn't have a real fight that he's training for, if he's not going to box somebody or he's not going to have a UFC fight, he just, he can't go out places because he's got all that aggression that he has to get out.

Speaker 4 He just needs to stay home. Yes.
Just put him in a padded cell.

Speaker 1 Stay home home and just chill out.

Speaker 4 Make sure the guards check on him all the time, though.

Speaker 1 All the time. All the time.
All right. Let's get to our Fire Fest.
Before we do that, barstoolgold.com slash PMT. BarstoolGold.com slash PMT.

Speaker 1 You can watch every single interview we do, every single episode we do. You can watch it right now on barstoolgold.com slash PMT.
Fire Fest of the Week. Hank, start.
Go ahead, Hank.

Speaker 6 Okay,

Speaker 6 so as I've talked about in some of my past Fire Fests, I moved a couple weeks ago, but before before I moved, I dropped off a huge bag of laundry at the laundromat down the street from my house, and I haven't got around to picking it up yet.

Speaker 6 But it's got, you know, it's like my A-list of clothes. It's like my, and so I've been in my new apartment, like, just putting together outfits.
Like, fuck, I need to get that bag, that big bag.

Speaker 6 Yesterday, I had some time. It was like 9 o'clock.
The place I thought closed at 11, so I was like, fuck it, got on the train, probably took me 45 minutes. I got there.

Speaker 6 The hours of operation for this laundromat are Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, 11 to 11.

Speaker 6 And on Wednesday, it's open 11 till 7 p.m.

Speaker 6 And it took, and so it's just like, I've wasted like two hours for no reason.

Speaker 1 And now it's like, am I going to go back this weekend?

Speaker 6 Probably not. Am I going to go next week? Hopefully.
But it's like that, that bag of clothes, it could just be gone.

Speaker 1 At what point did they just get to keep it?

Speaker 6 It's getting close. It's been like two and a half weeks.

Speaker 4 Yeah, they got to start auctioning that stuff off. I feel like it's theirs right now.

Speaker 1 Yes, they absolutely have it. Was there anything really great that you needed yeah well it's like it's like

Speaker 6 expensive clothes no but i mean you know the i mean big cat you wear five shirts every single day whoa whoa whoa

Speaker 1 imagine if you bro i just said you didn't have expensive whoa that was really uncalled for i'm just saying you know how it is it doesn't matter about expense it's about clothes you like there are a bunch of shirts that hank has from colleges that he's never

Speaker 1 been to you could have just said that i've been to a lot of colleges pft well you got your t-shirt you haven't you have a very random assortment of college shirts i've been to a random assortment of of college shirts.

Speaker 1 Yes, you have, which is like you've been everywhere, man.

Speaker 1 So what's the solution? You're just going to...

Speaker 6 I think you need to. I mean, probably next week, maybe, but it's like,

Speaker 6 realistically, am I going to spend two hours on the weekend to take the train back to Brooklyn, whatever?

Speaker 1 Like, maybe.

Speaker 4 Can you just hire somebody to help him?

Speaker 1 Yeah, have someone go get him. Someone slide into Hank's DMs and go get his clothes.

Speaker 4 That seems to get the guy from Silicon Valley to go over there and be like, hey, I'm Hank Lockwood. Do you have my clothes?

Speaker 1 Do it. Come on.

Speaker 1 Someone will help you out.

Speaker 6 My other Fire fire fest of the week, all of this is kind of like

Speaker 6 I feel like it's kind of basic complaining about this, but there's been no snacks at this office all week.

Speaker 1 What has been going on with this?

Speaker 4 They're upstairs. They're hoarding them upstairs.
Really? The business people. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Damn.

Speaker 6 Sometimes it's like there's no snacks one day. You're like, all right, next day it's going to be stacked.
And every single day this week, I've been like, what the fuck?

Speaker 4 That's what's going on. It's upstairs.
They've got like a little squirrel's nest up there that they hide them under. Fuck.

Speaker 1 Damn. We need more snacks.

Speaker 1 Breaking moves.

Speaker 1 Breaking Moose.

Speaker 1 All right. I just got a text.

Speaker 1 I got a text from Jared Goff. We have to call him right now.
We have to call him right now.

Speaker 6 This Breaking Moose is brought to you by Chalk and Milk for Real Recovery.

Speaker 1 That tastes real good.

Speaker 1 What's up? Okay, we have some breaking news. We have our special LA Rams insider, the best reporter in the building.
It is Jared Goff. Jared,

Speaker 1 what did Blake do?

Speaker 7 Blake shaved his head.

Speaker 1 Shaved his head?

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 4 not just cut. How short is it?

Speaker 7 It's like baby peach fuzz right now.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. What?

Speaker 7 He looks like a young Jason Statham.

Speaker 1 Oh, I like that.

Speaker 4 That's a great spin zone.

Speaker 1 That's a great look for him. What? The transporter.
It is.

Speaker 7 I think he was getting a little hard time from some of the guys yesterday and took it upon himself to get rid of of it.

Speaker 4 I love that shit. He's like if the transporter didn't actually drive his own car.
Yeah. He just had automatic going for it.

Speaker 1 Now, Jared, how much.

Speaker 1 He looks great. He looks great.
I'm sure he looks.

Speaker 1 Listen, we gave him a hard time. We love Blake.
He always looks great. He's a great-looking guy.
He looks great. But how much do you think that promo

Speaker 1 on whenever your game was, Saturday night, played into it where he had to do a ball-flipping promo without a hat on, and everyone was like, ooh.

Speaker 7 You know,

Speaker 7 I won't speak for Blake there, but there's been some talk around the building almost every day about it.

Speaker 1 And now, did he give you a warning or did he do it in the building or did he just show up one day, boom, Blake is shaded?

Speaker 7 He sent us a picture last night, just bald.

Speaker 4 Oh, my God. We have to see that picture.
You're going to have to text me that picture.

Speaker 1 You're going to have to text me that picture.

Speaker 7 I feel like I shouldn't be doing this.

Speaker 7 This should be Blake. I feel like I've been coerced into this.
Blake should be breaking this news.

Speaker 1 he'll send you the picture i'm sure well all right so we should explain the reason why we're talking to jared and not blake blake is on currently on a plane to hawaii for the rams preseason game i texted blake he responded on the plane and he just responded with a joe rogan gif uh when i said blake question mark and it was just the joe rogan gif with his shaved head i this is i mean this is the biggest news i think that's ever happened yeah huge nfl news

Speaker 7 well i'm glad to be the one breaking it but uh

Speaker 7 I think Blake has a lot more information on this than I would. But he does look like Joe Rogan.

Speaker 1 Okay, okay.

Speaker 4 Do you know what he did with his hair? Did he donate it to Locks of Love?

Speaker 1 It's not much.

Speaker 4 Still.

Speaker 7 You know, I don't know how much that would have done.

Speaker 4 You know what? He could have donated to somebody like me who's facebald. We'd make great facial hair.

Speaker 7 You put that on your cheek, so it'll look good.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, damn.

Speaker 7 Again, it might not, it's really not much.

Speaker 1 Okay, but still, this is a huge news. And, I mean, we're going to try to get Blake on maybe early next week because he's on the plane.
But

Speaker 1 what would you say, 0 to 10, how would you rate him now

Speaker 1 as a good-looking dude?

Speaker 7 He's a 10 out of 10 bald guy right now.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, you said the B word too.
So is it official? Like, you think he's going to bick at any point coming up?

Speaker 7 Again, this is some big news for me to be the one breaking. I don't want to put any words in his mouth because it can still grow back.
But he is

Speaker 7 down to a shred right now.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 4 Is he going to grow the stubble? Because that's a good look with a stubble and then the shaved head. Yeah, it looks great.

Speaker 7 I'm telling you, it looks really good.

Speaker 1 Oh, man, damn. All right, well, how's camp going? I guess we should ask you one question.

Speaker 7 Camp's been great.

Speaker 1 All right, good, okay, great.

Speaker 1 Sounds great.

Speaker 4 Did you watch yourself on hard knocks?

Speaker 1 No. Oh, well, remember, Jared hasn't had luck on hard knocks, so that's the whole sun thing.

Speaker 7 I'm not too fond of hard knocks.

Speaker 1 You've got PTSD,

Speaker 4 post-traumatic sunrise disorder.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. That's enough for me.
Yeah. All right, Jared.
Thanks so much. Breaking news from our LA Ram Insider.

Speaker 4 Appreciate it, man. Thanks, Jared.

Speaker 7 No problem, guys. All right.
See ya.

Speaker 1 Okay, that was some crazy breaking news. I bet Blake looks awesome.

Speaker 4 I mean, you have to get a glow up if you're going to Hawaii in the first place.

Speaker 1 I'm happy for him. Legitimately happy for him.

Speaker 4 You know what? Be comfortable in your own skin, Blake. Yes.

Speaker 1 And this has been a long time coming. And it really has.
So I can't wait. Hopefully, we'll get him on next week.

Speaker 1 We'll do maybe a Wikipedia of baldness yeah and just figure it out because he's love that this is a new well he's embraced it as Scott Van Pelt says he he went home he came home yes uh PFT what is your fire fest my my fire fest of the week is the fact that it is fantasy football season and that means that I am stuck in quite the text thread of everybody else in my league.

Speaker 4 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 And not only is everybody just like replying with small little jokes, but they're also huge on the emphasizing things, the laughing at things, those extra buttons that serve no extra purpose.

Speaker 4 And I fucking hate those extra buttons because they fill up my phone with notifications.

Speaker 4 And I would rather be using a Samsung Galaxy on an airplane than have to look at one more of those fucking things. All right, so

Speaker 1 let's talk about these notifications because I think everyone does them or everyone's in a text group that has people doing the ha-ha, the heart, the exclamation point.

Speaker 1 I agree with you, they're annoying, but they also do serve a purpose when you just don't want to say anything. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like if you're on a group text and someone someone sends a picture and you're like, I don't want to say anything, but I want everyone to know that I've acknowledged this and I'm not being rude, I'll throw the exclamation, I'll throw a heart.

Speaker 4 They're great for the person that's using them and they're awful for everybody else, especially if it's on a group thread. It's like, yeah, it's tough.
It's draining my battery.

Speaker 4 It's buzzing my pocket absolutely non-stop with them.

Speaker 4 I don't want to say that the person who invented that should die, but the

Speaker 4 person that invented it should have to go live in Brazil for the rest of their life. Okay, got it, got it.

Speaker 1 When did that come up? That's new, though.

Speaker 4 But Steve Jobs probably said it.

Speaker 4 Yeah, he invented it from his lair in Brasilia.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it's something that's the brain force.

Speaker 1 It was in his brain for a really long time.

Speaker 4 My other Fire Fest of the Week is Leroy has diarrhea.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit. Yeah.

Speaker 4 And he's not always making it all the way outside.

Speaker 1 So that sucks. Yeah.
I had a similar situation on

Speaker 1 Saturday night.

Speaker 4 You had diarrhea? No.

Speaker 1 And you didn't make it.

Speaker 1 My son slept through the night for the first time ever. Of course, Stella had diarrhea.
I was up every single hour. That night.
Yeah, she knew. It was perfect.
It was the perfect. The worlds collided.

Speaker 4 It was the perfect night. Stella was like, I need some attention at this point, so I'm just going to crap on the floor.

Speaker 1 That'll make dad come out and play with me for a second. It sucked.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it's always tough when your dog's got the scores. I actually think Spend Zone for Leroy, he got scooped wrong earlier this week.

Speaker 4 He's doing that to try to deflect from the fact that, you know, he missed a scoop. Oh.
Because he can't be mad at somebody. He knows the ultimate excuse.

Speaker 1 He's literally sick to his stomach for getting something wrong. Exactly, Exactly, yeah.
That's a great dog.

Speaker 4 He's committed.

Speaker 1 All right, my Fire Fest is

Speaker 1 I lost in the AFC Championship game in my Madden face of the franchise. That sucks.

Speaker 4 Yeah. That sucks.

Speaker 6 Look at you, though, right?

Speaker 1 The AFC. Look at the Eagles of Madden.
I got drafted by the Broncos. John Elway loved my size.
And I lost to the Browns, who had a home playoff game, AFC Championship. They're 14-2.

Speaker 1 I usually reset, but... I played so poorly, I was disgusted with myself.
I didn't reset the console. I just ate that loss, knowing that the second year will be even sweeter when I hit that.

Speaker 1 I'm going to demand a trade first, but wherever I land, I'm going to win the Super Bowl with that team.

Speaker 4 I love that feature. You get on the local Sports Talk radio in Madden, and then you complain about something, and then you demand a trade.
It's so nice to simulate. I'm definitely going to do that.

Speaker 6 How many minute quarters do you do for that? Six.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah. And I should say the first round, I did reset the Xbox twice when I was down to the Colts.
Couldn't lose to the Colts in the first round. No, you can't.
No, absolutely.

Speaker 1 Had to cheat my way to the AFC.

Speaker 4 You have to give something to build on that point. You learn more from a loss than you do for a win.
Right. And so you'll be great next season.

Speaker 4 You know, just put in the work this offseason. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The world has not heard the last of Clyde Titanius.

Speaker 4 That's my guy's thinking. Okay.
Yeah. You might want to change that.

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, it's a pretty good name. Clyde Titanius.
It's with a K.

Speaker 4 Some would beg to differ.

Speaker 1 Why?

Speaker 4 By the way, Landry Jones was in the news this week.

Speaker 4 And Landry Jones is such a sick quarterback name.

Speaker 1 He is. He is.
He's XFL, right?

Speaker 4 Yeah, him and Colt McCoy, when those two were playing against each other in college, it's like those are two fucking quarterbacks right there.

Speaker 1 I agree. All right, let's do our Mount Rush more before we do that.

Speaker 4 Hey, it's PFT here, reminding you that Boarshead makes game day entertaining elevated and effortless.

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Speaker 1 Okay, let's do our Mount Rushmore. We're doing Mount Rushmore of ages.

Speaker 1 Who's up first?

Speaker 4 Oh, I am. This is Big Cat.
Yeah. And then I'm second, right? Yep.

Speaker 1 Okay, cool. You ready? Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I'll start with 21. 21, you can drink.
Everyone's excited. Everyone had a fake ID in college.

Speaker 1 But when you turn 21, that first time you walk in the bar and you're like, yup, that's really me, there's no thrill like that.

Speaker 4 It's pretty sick. Yeah, I like 21.
I'm going to go with 18.

Speaker 4 Because 18, you're graduating from high school. Yeah.
You probably have a fake ID, or at the very least, you have somebody in your friend group that has a fake ID. Correct.

Speaker 4 And I would actually say that buying alcohol underage is more thrilling than buying alcohol when you're 21. Shoulder tapping?

Speaker 1 No, sure. No, actually, but hold on, hold on.

Speaker 1 It just hits different different when you're under 21 i i agree with you the first month though when you're actually 21 is like thrilling to walk around and just buy shit be like yes like you want people to card you yeah you know that feeling when you're like yo card me do it okay ask me okay scare me counterpoint when you're 18 you still have turning 21 to look forward to that's still an exciting thing in your future all right hank you got two i'm gonna go with 19 for the first one probably been through a year of college you're like you're drinking a lot you're having fun with your friends you're comfortable it's not like freshman year awkwardness or whatever.

Speaker 4 You're winning the World Cup for France.

Speaker 1 And you can go as hard as you want. Losing games for the Celtics.

Speaker 6 And if you fuck up, like, anyone can fuck up at 19 and they're still like, you can have a second chance. Yeah.
You can fuck them and be like, oh, well, he was 19. So it's like,

Speaker 6 we can get past that. So it's like, you basically have a get-out-of-jail free card.

Speaker 1 What age would you say you can fuck up and be like, well, he's still a kid.

Speaker 4 I think that's top. 32? 34, hopefully.

Speaker 1 I mean, I use that all the time.

Speaker 4 It's like, I'm just a little

Speaker 1 baby birthday boy. Yeah, like, hey, I'm just a kid.
Uh-huh. I haven't learned.

Speaker 4 Probably the worst age. I think Blink182 got it right.
23. Yeah.
You're out of college, but you should have had a job for like a year and a half.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 4 You can't use youth as an excuse anymore. It's true.

Speaker 1 All right, Hank, your second age.

Speaker 6 12.

Speaker 1 Ooh. You're young.

Speaker 6 Your body and your mind are still pure. All you care about is like sports.
You're not worried about girls or drama. You don't really know what's going on in the world.

Speaker 6 You just care about like the sports that you play. Well, obviously, I mean, you care about girls, but it's not like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 You're not getting laid when you're 12.

Speaker 6 Unless you're a PFT, you're not getting laid when you're 12.

Speaker 4 Hank, I didn't say anything about that.

Speaker 1 I actually had this written down, too, because it's also the year that you're the oldest kid in the Little League. Yes.

Speaker 1 That's a great year.

Speaker 6 There was actually a year when I was 12 for whatever reason. Like, the cutoff was in September, and then whatever reason, when I was 12, they moved the cutoff back to May.

Speaker 6 So I had a year when I was 13 on the Little Diamond, and I was like the same size dimensions as I was.

Speaker 1 Oh, you fucker.

Speaker 6 It was the greatest year of my life. That's great.
That's felt.

Speaker 1 Through like three perfect games. I had like 20 home runs.

Speaker 1 You're Danny Elmonte.

Speaker 6 My fucking dad wouldn't let me play Summer League, like, go to Williamsport because he said it was unfair.

Speaker 4 What? Yes. Otherwise, you would have won the Little League World Cup.

Speaker 1 Probably. You should have told us this when your dad was here.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I mean, I just beaten him up.

Speaker 1 That's what I saw. We would have fought him.

Speaker 6 I'm still bitter about it. I am too now.

Speaker 1 I don't like that.

Speaker 1 I'm also first-time bitter.

Speaker 6 I'll show you my team picture. It's hilarious.
I'm literally six feet tall.

Speaker 1 You're Andy Reid. Yeah.
Worst age, 34, when I found out that Hank could have gone to Williamsport.

Speaker 4 Yeah, Jesus. Come on, Hank.
Fuck. That would have been so sick.
All right.

Speaker 4 Also, when you're 12, you don't know that you're short yet. You still think, like, hey, I'm kind of average size.
Maybe my growth spurt's coming. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Not relatable. It's very relatable.

Speaker 4 Everybody will say it's relatable. My next, I'm going to go eight.

Speaker 1 Oh. Eight.

Speaker 4 When you're eight, you love cartoons. Yeah.
You're on all the time. There's a special channel that you can just turn to, watch cartoons.

Speaker 4 You think you know everything about every sport that you're watching. Everything's exciting when you're eight.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 4 Every single little thing that you see is new. It's fun.
You have zero responsibility. Yep.
And I mean zero responsibility.

Speaker 4 You can still get away with pooping yourself if you have to every now and again.

Speaker 4 Like once a year. It's not a big deal.

Speaker 1 No, I think that's when you're eight. Well, no, actually, I think that's.
I actually agree with Hank. I don't think you can poop yourself when you're eight.

Speaker 1 That's right when kids start remembering. Not intentionally.
You can get a nickname that will stick forever. Correct.

Speaker 4 You still think that's.

Speaker 1 You can't poop yourself from like six to 22.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I definitely poop myself at least once when I was six. Yeah, of course.

Speaker 1 But I'm saying, once you get

Speaker 1 third grade. Yeah.
Once you get to to where kids can remember and give nicknames, you can't risk that.

Speaker 4 Recess kicks ass.

Speaker 1 Dude, eight, pooping yourself? Yeah, that's PFT. I like eight.
I like the age. I like

Speaker 1 the year for you. I like the age of eight.

Speaker 4 I'm not saying I poop myself. I'm saying.

Speaker 4 If you had pooped yourself on the playground

Speaker 4 underneath the monkey bars.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 This is winner's class.

Speaker 1 All right. I'll go with 25.

Speaker 1 Peak strength. That is the human body is at your peak strength.

Speaker 1 You are a couple years out of college, but you're still young.

Speaker 1 is that scientific yes it's scientific fact we were 25 that's why by you always fucking wins games they stink but they're all 25 I can't tell you

Speaker 1 25 is is your is your peak strength and you're a few years

Speaker 1 Hank look it up it is I trust you swear to God you're a few years out of college you probably have a little bit of a secure income but you're also young enough where you're like can still be a fuckhead all the time still a little bit of half-brain situation and you can rent a beach house

Speaker 1 and a car. And a car with a car.

Speaker 4 And a car. That's a huge moment.

Speaker 1 Get that convertible. That's a huge moment.
All right, I'll go for my third.

Speaker 1 I'll go with 10 because it's awesome when you can do both hands and you're just like, boom, 10.

Speaker 4 I'm this many.

Speaker 1 I'm this many. I'm 5 and 5, baby.
That's huge. And you also just feel like, that's a big moment when you go from 9 to 10.
Yeah. Like, all right, cool.

Speaker 1 Two candles on the cake. Yeah, two candles.

Speaker 1 You can start, you know, usually you can maybe go on the 10-foot hoop, that kind of stuff. You kind of graduate to like playing some real real sports, like organized sports.

Speaker 1 Little league becomes real.

Speaker 1 Little league becomes real. All those things are fun, but you still have that youthful, you know, energy.

Speaker 4 You played t-ball when you were nine, Hank?

Speaker 4 Yikes.

Speaker 1 You ever think about when you were like a kid?

Speaker 4 It was coach pitching.

Speaker 1 Looking back.

Speaker 6 10 and 11. Or no.

Speaker 1 11, 12, 30.

Speaker 1 But like, 10 is right when you're starting to get serious. The kids are pitching.

Speaker 1 Kids are pitching when you're 10. Yeah.

Speaker 1 When you think about being a little kid, being a little kid is basically just being on asset because you just walk around and everything is cool imagination.

Speaker 1 Exactly, yeah, all its life even better when you're eight, yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah, oh, but when you're 10, that is the first taste you get in life at looking down on people.

Speaker 6 You're probably riding your bike with no training reels, yeah.

Speaker 1 You might be going to a camp, maybe probably not sleep away camp, but maybe if you're kind of a badass, you know, if you prove you can handle it,

Speaker 1 do your chores, you cannot cry for a week straight, uh-huh, right.

Speaker 4 You still believe in Santa, yeah, who, by the way, is real. Santa's real if your kids are in the car, yeah, you're right in that good spot.

Speaker 1 All right, PFT, your last one. Uh, my last last one, I'm going to go with

Speaker 4 70. Good one.
Getting nice and old, but like it's right at that point.

Speaker 6 Is that when the APR hits or whatever?

Speaker 4 I think that's 65. 65.

Speaker 1 65. 65.

Speaker 4 Yeah, so actually, I'm going to go back to 65. Thanks, Hank.
My hand wasn't off the piece yet. So, yeah, when you're 65, you get the retirement benefits hitting.
You're in the golden age of your life.

Speaker 4 Hopefully, retired. And it's your first taste of just like not giving a fuck anymore.
Okay. Your kids might be out of the house.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Pretty good. Just go golf all day.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, you don't like golf.

Speaker 4 But I would if I was 65.

Speaker 1 You think you're going to start liking golf?

Speaker 4 I think I'm going to have to. I think those are the rules.
Like, I'm going to be lonely if I don't play golf on 65.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to like golf.

Speaker 4 I'm probably not going to get to 65, but that's fine.

Speaker 1 Hank, your last two?

Speaker 6 Last two, I will go with 23,

Speaker 1 which is the worst age because you started

Speaker 1 and us.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but I don't think so. Okay, great.
Go off.

Speaker 1 And I'm going to go with four. Four.

Speaker 1 Four.

Speaker 6 It's the last year before you're stuck going to school every single day of your life.

Speaker 1 You're just playing all of them.

Speaker 1 It's not really school, though. Nobody's going to be able to do it.
Because it is school.

Speaker 6 It is, dude. The monotony of waking up five days a week and having to deal with teachers and structured classrooms.

Speaker 1 It's not great for everyone. I feel like school.
When you're four, all you have to do is play games, watch teletubbies, and just chill.

Speaker 6 You get a snack.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Yeah, it's great.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I agree with him.

Speaker 4 I think that that is your last year of complete and total freedom in your life when you're four.

Speaker 1 Correct. Peterman, by by the way, just got a nice first down.

Speaker 4 Of course, he did.

Speaker 1 Beautiful first down. Maybe your last pick.

Speaker 4 My last pick is going to be. So you already took 20.
I'm going to go 34.

Speaker 1 Oh. I feel pretty good right now.

Speaker 4 Our age, everything's great. Everything's gooch when you're 34 for me.
Okay. Except for the minor missteps like your dog having diarrhea.
Yes, that does. And my weekly fire passes.

Speaker 4 And you lose money gambling on sports. And then there's like six months where there's no football on TV and you get upset about that.
Besides that, being 34 is fucking awesome.

Speaker 1 It is awesome.

Speaker 1 Okay, my last pick.

Speaker 6 You're 23, like you're independent. Like, you probably had to move home after college.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're still on the 20s. I'm not like that.
You're still on 20. Most people moved home, they had to move home after college, and then they're

Speaker 6 like, then you can go out on your own, but that's your fun. It's like you're out living on your own.
You're experiencing life in a new way.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 It's your first taste of adulthood. Hank, your 23 experience is vastly different from 2005.

Speaker 6 No, I'm trying to talk from the most of the normal people that I'm talking about from a college person's perspective.

Speaker 1 My last pick, I'm going to go with 100. Because if you get to 100, people people fucking like think you walk on water.
They think you're Jesus. They're like, this is incredible.
You are 100 years old.

Speaker 1 Everyone throws you fucking parties. You probably get in your local newspaper.
Guy turns 100. And men don't usually turn 100.
Yeah. Especially tall guys like myself.
So 100 would be pretty awesome.

Speaker 4 I might live to be 100 anyways.

Speaker 1 And you could like, if you're 100, people will just laugh at everything you say no matter what.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it's a joke because they're like, we got to, we got to jump.

Speaker 1 He's alive.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 4 We should start a podcast with somebody that's 100 because everybody would have to laugh at every single word.

Speaker 1 Seriously, if you ever been around someone who's 100, everyone's just in awe that they're alive and they're just like, this is so sick that you're still here.

Speaker 1 And like, oh my God, what was it like 100 years ago? Yeah. You remember the Titanic?

Speaker 4 They bet you they guess that you have all these like nice secrets and stories and like, hey, what's the trick to learning to be 100? Yeah.

Speaker 4 And then you always get that one old person on the news that's like bourbon and chocolate. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then you drink vodka every day.

Speaker 4 That's like a week's worth of content for the local news right there.

Speaker 1 You can go viral at 100 for just existing. Yeah.
That's pretty sick.

Speaker 4 Just opening your mouth.

Speaker 1 And probably someone wipes your ass.

Speaker 4 You can shit yourself. Yeah.

Speaker 1 All the time.

Speaker 1 You probably don't have to walk everywhere.

Speaker 4 Somebody pushes you around.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Do we miss any? I was going to throw in Jurassic Age, but I thought that was cheating.

Speaker 4 Yeah. You know, I thought about doing something like the Bronze Age.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But that was cheating.

Speaker 4 The Ice Age.

Speaker 1 I actually think 30 is awesome, too, because you become young again.

Speaker 1 You dread 29, and then when you turn 30, you're like, you know what?

Speaker 4 It's not that bad. I was the same way.
When I was 29, I spent my whole year being like, fuck, I'm almost 30, almost old. By the time I got there, I was like, this isn't so bad.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and you're young again because people who are 38 are old, and now you're 30. You're like, I'm never going to get there.

Speaker 4 By the way, mid-30s doesn't start until you're 35.

Speaker 1 37.

Speaker 4 We're still in 2019.

Speaker 1 37 is when mid-30s start.

Speaker 4 Early 30s for us. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Hank, oh, are you 25? 26. Oh, that's why you were upset because you missed your peak physically.

Speaker 1 No, I missed that. I make sense now.

Speaker 1 Hank's physical peak was 20 years old. I was wondering why.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you didn't play the World Series. Yeah,

Speaker 1 you just walked right past your physical peak. No, you didn't do anything last year that was impressive physically.

Speaker 6 Well, I was in that fight the year before, so I was like, I had to take some time off.

Speaker 1 Yes, I was 24, so imagine if you fought when you were 25, you could have gone all the way. I know, could have been a champion.
Any others? I mean, I don't know. 27 is pretty sweet, too.

Speaker 1 Although, that's actually when you start to get like next year, Hank's going to get his quarterlife crisis.

Speaker 4 It's going to be awesome to watch. Yeah, what do you do when you get your quarterlife crisis?

Speaker 1 Start a fantasy football podcast. There you go.
Yeah, you should do that, Hank. You should.
Good idea. You should.

Speaker 1 Fantasy Football Factory.

Speaker 1 That's a good idea. You just come up with

Speaker 1 Hank Lockwood.

Speaker 1 Hammer and Hank Lockwood. Who would be his co-host, though?

Speaker 1 Roan. Roan.
Roan. Roan.
Roan.

Speaker 1 That's a great idea. Okay.

Speaker 1 So we get credit for that idea.

Speaker 4 Yeah, we're producers.

Speaker 6 Yes, you guys can be executive producers if that podcast happens.

Speaker 4 Do I have to be an executive producer as my title, Hank?

Speaker 1 Maybe like the vice

Speaker 1 president of football. Can PFT be head fluffer? What is that? You just get everyone excited about fancy football.
What is it before

Speaker 1 you're like, hey, Le'Veon Bell in the third round? Oh, I get it. Antonio Brown is six-round sleeper.
Like, you get everyone just super fucking horned up for fancy.

Speaker 4 I'm great at getting people all lubricated and then vastly disappointing them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'll be head grip. I've always wanted to, I've always wondered what the fuck that guy does.
Best boy. Best boy.
Best boy in grip. What do they do? I always just assume they hold the camera.

Speaker 6 It's like lighting shit, but it's not the actual.

Speaker 1 You hold. I'd see it very literally.
They're just gripping stuff.

Speaker 4 I think you put sandbags on camera stands.

Speaker 1 That's exactly right. That's exactly right.
All right. Let's go go do Topher Grace before we do that.
What's up, guys? It's Big Cat here making my Irish entrance with proper number 12 Irish whiskey.

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Speaker 1 So get out there and make your Irish entrance. Anything else just wouldn't be proper.

Speaker 9 I'm not going back to college to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber one for students.

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Speaker 6 Quick add-on, Liam said 16 because you can drive.

Speaker 1 Oh, big miss.

Speaker 6 I didn't get my license.

Speaker 1 I was like 99. 16.
That's a good one. Big miss for Sam.
Sam.

Speaker 4 City kids just don't get that.

Speaker 1 That's a big miss. Good one, Liam.
All right.

Speaker 4 And now, toefer grace.

Speaker 1 Ready, Hank? All right, here we go. Oh, you want to throw those on? Do I have to? Yes.

Speaker 1 What do you do? Sound effects?

Speaker 1 If you trust talking to a mic, you don't have to.

Speaker 4 But some people, they forget and they go over here.

Speaker 8 I have a podcast now. I know

Speaker 1 you're having a professional. Is your hair tight? Right here, right? Is that what is it? Hair thing?

Speaker 8 Could a guy like you.

Speaker 1 I'm looking at your hair right now.

Speaker 4 This is. Let's start.

Speaker 1 This is going.

Speaker 1 You look.

Speaker 1 I can swear on this. Yeah.
Yeah, fuck shit motherfucker Bitch. Okay, take it down and not damn fuck you look

Speaker 1 great dude. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Great.

Speaker 4 What about what about this? You see this color?

Speaker 1 You got a great head of hair.

Speaker 8 See this color? I don't like what I'm seeing over here.

Speaker 1 Oh, I don't like this. The guest that you're hearing right now is Tophur Green.
Intimidated. I mean, take off the hat, dude.
Let's see. Intimidated?

Speaker 1 You know him from the 70s show from a million movies.

Speaker 8 Dude, let's not talk about me when we're seeing this.

Speaker 1 And we just went right in. We just raw dogged it in there.
People are like, what's going on? We didn't even know the interview. I'm looking at two of the most gorgeous heads of hair.
That's true.

Speaker 4 It's a shame that we're in in podcasting.

Speaker 1 By the way, I need to thank you before we really get going because you got me out of jury duty. So,

Speaker 1 I dropped your name. Yeah, yeah, no, I dropped your name.
Yesterday, I was in jury duty, and they were going to pick me for the thing. And I said, Can I talk to you personally?

Speaker 1 And I explained my job, and I explained I had Topher Grace coming in. And the guy said, Who?

Speaker 1 No, the lawyer said he should.

Speaker 1 I think he said, I stopped listening, but he was like, He should have been in the new Spider-Man or something. So I don't know.
He's a great lawyer. Yeah, that was a message.

Speaker 8 I got me out of jury duty once. I went into,

Speaker 8 you know, you get like, what's that area you get held in and then you get called? Jail.

Speaker 1 Prison.

Speaker 8 Like, you're like, maybe I'm going to be on a jury today. Right.
And then you get brought with 60 people and they kind of whittle it down in the jail.

Speaker 8 So I was in that room and they brought out this guy who was there on murder. And I was like, oh man, I'm not working right now.
This would be kind of cool to get on like a murder trial.

Speaker 8 And like, as an actor, it's like good research, maybe.

Speaker 4 40 bucks a day?

Speaker 8 40 bucks a day.

Speaker 8 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 8 So

Speaker 8 the guy comes out, and I know it's like, you know, innocent until proven guilty. This guy was guilty, no matter what.
I could just tell from looking at him.

Speaker 8 Really big, guilty-looking guy. And they said, everyone, stand up.
Do you swear to, you know, not judge him or whatever? And, you know, yeah, I said, sure.

Speaker 8 You know, and then as we sat down, he

Speaker 8 kind of looked at me and winked and went like, big fan.

Speaker 8 And I was like, oh my, oh my God, I can't go on.

Speaker 1 I can't be on this jury. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Because now you think he's innocent.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 8 Can you imagine if we voted him guilty and then from the juror box, I was like,

Speaker 1 it wasn't me. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 8 Don't hunt me down afterwards.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Well, so your Tover Grace murderers are your number one fans, would you say? Or how does that work? Yeah, I get a lot of love from you.
A lot of people,

Speaker 4 one out of one murderers that you've met have been a big fan of yours. Yes.

Speaker 8 Not true. Not true.

Speaker 1 Oh, you've got to check out it.

Speaker 8 Funny stories. Funny story.

Speaker 1 It is impossible to be to like complete, because you do have to go in there and say, okay, I'm I'm not going to judge anything I was sitting in front of two lawyers and one of the lawyers was this like smooth talking Italian guy in a white suit and I was like I'm gonna believe whatever he says because he's just selling it like he was like a used car sales and I was like this guy's awesome so I don't know how anyone has a jury that's I think you do it more like yeah like American Idol or the voice or something like that where it's like who do you like the most you know in terms of presentation yeah actually everybody should just sit around in the jury pool the buzzing yeah and then you turn around at the end

Speaker 1 yeah that's perfect that's perfect you're innocent

Speaker 4 we always always talk on the show: if you're going to be a lawyer, you have to have some look in the courtroom.

Speaker 1 You have to have a look.

Speaker 4 Like, yeah, the white linen suit, that's one look. A cowboy hat, if I see a lawyer talking in a cowboy hat, I'm like, that guy knows what he's talking about.

Speaker 8 You got like a little sailor outfit with a little jaunty.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like a little sailor cap, and you sing a little bit.

Speaker 4 Yeah, like a gift suit with a ball.

Speaker 1 No one's going to forget that. No, hell no.
Hell no. All right, so it is Tophor Grace.
We did a terrible job.

Speaker 1 Welcome to the show. By the way, I don't know how the fuck I'm on here.

Speaker 8 I am allergic to sports.

Speaker 8 I don't even watch them. them.

Speaker 8 This isn't going to fool anyone. I mean, this isn't going to surprise anyone.

Speaker 1 We've had nerves on the show before. Yeah, it's okay.

Speaker 8 But someone told me about your show, and then I listened to it, and then I said, oh, I want to do it. Your celebrity interviews are.

Speaker 1 Wait, so you listen to it even though you don't like sports? That's the highest compliment I would have.

Speaker 8 They told me about it, and I have a friend who said, oh, it's really great. Who's like one of your doctors?

Speaker 1 Who's your friend, Brad Pitt?

Speaker 8 No, it's

Speaker 8 actually producer of my podcast. And he said, if you're going to go on a podcast, that's the one to go on.

Speaker 4 So you can steal all our tricks. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Shut up, yeah.

Speaker 8 So I'm just kind of here taking notes. Here's

Speaker 4 note number one: when you have a guest on that might be more famous than you, start out by nagging him. So, my first question to you is: what's it like having the most Lax Bro name of all time?

Speaker 8 Lax Bro?

Speaker 4 Yeah, lacrosse guy, Tophor Grace. What's up, Toph? Hey, Toph's out here.

Speaker 8 You know, I didn't go to boarding school in New England.

Speaker 1 No, no, yeah.

Speaker 1 We didn't even have to read your Wikipedia for that. Yeah, I wanted to.
What kind of lawyer was you?

Speaker 8 That's the closest to being in sports I am, is my nickname.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's right. Do you think you'd have success if you were Chris?

Speaker 8 Because that is your nickname. Definitely not.
No, the only thing that has made me successful is my nickname. I'm positive.

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm.

Speaker 8 Yeah, there's nothing to do with the acting.

Speaker 1 You think it was a tongue-in-cheek question, but I'm telling you, Topher Grace is different than Chris Grace. That's just a different vibes.
That's a different vibration.

Speaker 8 I went to boarding school in New Hampshire.

Speaker 8 I actually went to two. I went to one in Massachusetts here.
And

Speaker 8 the first day, the hottest girl in school said,

Speaker 8 you should go by Topher. I gone by Chris Grace my whole life.
And I thought it was a little bit.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 8 You know, I wanted to go by Christopher. No one would call me Christopher.
So I think I was joking around, like, oh, maybe I should go by Topher.

Speaker 8 And then just the hottest girl in the school said, this is eighth grade. She said, you should go by Topher.
I was like, okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, done. That was it.

Speaker 4 And then, boom, your career's born. Do you send her any like residual checks? She's getting a little taste of that.

Speaker 8 She's my wife.

Speaker 1 Oh. No, no, I'm just kidding.
Okay, damn. I know where she is.

Speaker 1 Well, you brought up residuals.

Speaker 1 I wrote this down. You brought up residuals.
What's that residual check on that 70s show look like?

Speaker 1 How many zeros are we talking?

Speaker 8 You know,

Speaker 8 it's actually what allows me, in all honesty, to do

Speaker 8 like some of the projects I've been doing lately,

Speaker 8 you know, you don't make a lot of money on because there are two, like the Spike Lee movie I did. Yeah.

Speaker 8 That, you know, when it came out, everyone was so excited about it. But when you're starting to make a film like that, it's hard for them to even get the money to make that movie.
So

Speaker 8 truly, I'm like like more grateful.

Speaker 8 I was just grateful to get that show. I'd never acted before that show.
It was a weird thing. Someone saw me to play at that boarding school.
But yeah, that was my first audition.

Speaker 8 And so I thought I hit the lottery, but now I realize I really hit the lottery because I, you know, everyone on that show, we don't have to do anything unless we're, you know, we love, like I'm doing a black mirror right now.

Speaker 8 It's just because I love it. Right.
Because I don't have to think about, you know, when I'm getting paid or anything.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you did have that as a flex. I saw that.
I was reading some stuff and you said, I have, I have enough money from the 70s shows to do whatever I want to do.

Speaker 8 I don't think I said it like that. I think the guy who was writing the article did a headline.
I'll pull up the quote.

Speaker 1 It says, I have so much

Speaker 1 you money, fuck you, everyone.

Speaker 4 We read the headlines.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it does. Does it not say that? It's a fact-checking.

Speaker 4 Joe for Grace. I've got fuck you money.

Speaker 1 Guys, I got some gifts. I got slide up into yourself, you little bitches.

Speaker 1 I'm going to do whatever I want.

Speaker 4 You can't tell me shit.

Speaker 8 I fucking own it now.

Speaker 1 I bought it on the way in. That's fine.

Speaker 8 I own you guys, and this is my show now. So

Speaker 1 new format.

Speaker 8 More of a kind of a morning chat show.

Speaker 1 Sports. No sports no sports talk about board games yeah yeah um all right so so that 70 shows can we talk about that 70 show is it annoying that's that's my first question

Speaker 8 annoying when people talk about that 70 shows no I love it it was like imagine if you I'd only been in one or two high school plays and then I went out to USC to go to college and the girl who did the sets her parents were producers and you know I knew them as Lindsay's mom and dad and they said you know would you want to come try out for this show and I thought oh my god like could you imagine if I just went to an audition and

Speaker 8 got a television show? And then when I got it, it was very scary because I had no idea what I was doing. But

Speaker 8 what an amazing ride to be on something that you love as your first thing and to do it with a group of amazing people. It was like, I love, I still love talking about it.

Speaker 4 Yeah, yeah, it's very cool to watch a group of actors kind of grow together on a show.

Speaker 4 That's like that, it kind of brings in the audience at home a little bit, and you feel like you're part of the team in a weird way as they're growing up.

Speaker 4 So that that was in, that was set in what, 1976?

Speaker 8 Is that right? Start in 76.

Speaker 4 76. So I did the math.
That would be like, if somebody were to make a show right now, it would be the 1999 show, like the Millennium Show, which makes me feel old as shit.

Speaker 8 Dude, my mind is going to explode when, I'm trying to think, it started in 76 and we did it in 98, then it would be

Speaker 1 closer.

Speaker 8 Think about when it's 2020 or 2020.

Speaker 1 Yeah, 2010. Yeah.

Speaker 8 When it would be the same distance. I remember thinking the 70s were so crazy and these bell bottoms.
And that's how kids are going to think about 1998 in a 10 years.

Speaker 4 It would be like that 9-11 show in like three years, which would be a decidedly different approach to making a sick. Hard pass.
Hard pass on that one.

Speaker 4 I want to get in real quick to Black Landsman because I thought that was one of the best movies.

Speaker 1 Also the 70s.

Speaker 4 Yeah, one of the best movies that I've seen in a long time in theaters.

Speaker 4 Is that true?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Yeah, it was really good.

Speaker 4 I haven't seen it yet. It was very strong.

Speaker 1 We're trying to neg you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We can't like.

Speaker 4 I can give you a compliment, and then he has to shut it down.

Speaker 1 I've never seen that movie. Yeah, fuck that movie.

Speaker 4 But it was good, and I thought it was interesting because it showed like two very different forms of racism at the same time with some of the hillbillies that were the clan guys.

Speaker 4 And then there was you who was playing the polished racist

Speaker 1 David Duke, yeah.

Speaker 8 Yeah, I think the movie was like how America has been, which is the first half of the movie is really focused on kind of that classic take on racism.

Speaker 8 And then the second half, like kind of what David Duke did to America is what he does to that film, which is when he got on the scene, he made it more palatable. Yeah.
And

Speaker 8 Spike did an amazing job of kind of, yeah, showing what kind of the conventional idea is and then what the kind of what grew into the present-day version of it.

Speaker 4 So, when you were playing David Duke, just like an all-time slimy guy, was that one of those things where you leave the set at the end of the day and you just feel bad about yourself, like what you've been doing all day?

Speaker 4 Because, like, it would be, I'd imagine that'd be tough to separate the role from, like, okay, now I'm off the clock, I can stop being an asshole.

Speaker 8 Well, look, I'm not normally one of the people who like brings it home with them. Like, I'm not a method actor.
There are actors I've worked with where they're like in character the whole time and

Speaker 8 they're they're really fraught with the you know, I've never had that pastion Kutcher

Speaker 4 he's the same guy big-time method he's still the same guy

Speaker 8 he might have a method but like but mostly

Speaker 8 it's I'm never like that like I don't come home and bring it home with me but that was the first time I think because we shot all the clan stuff in one week and you know in the film it's spread out

Speaker 1 you'll see when you achieve yes I'm excited yeah but

Speaker 1 you're excited to watch that part to watch that part yes and be like he brought this home with him it was

Speaker 8 It's messed up. I mean, it's really, if you go to that much trouble like we did to really recreate that kind of stuff and

Speaker 8 the research was heavy. Yeah.
You know, because it's just thinking about stuff you don't want to think about.

Speaker 8 And you're also watching the news today.

Speaker 8 I mean, at the time, it was, I guess, Trump's first year in office.

Speaker 8 And you're seeing how what happened in that time directly affected. I mean, literally, we started when Charlottesville was happening.
So

Speaker 8 it was really, the whole thing was really heavy.

Speaker 8 But Spike's, the rest of the time on set was really fun because he, and the movie has some levity to it. Yeah.

Speaker 4 There were times, that's a big-time movie where you're watching the theaters, and there are some times when you want to laugh because it's funny, and you like look around, you're like, is it okay to laugh?

Speaker 8 Spike would say that when we went to, like, we had the premiere in Brooklyn, and it was amazing. He's like the king of Brooklyn, and

Speaker 8 you couldn't hear certain lines because people were laughing over other lines. And then we went and showed it at the Academy in Los Angeles.

Speaker 8 It's like, but you know, it does the Academy Awards and stuff. And it was like an all-white audience.
And he said at the beginning, I was like, this is why this guy's so smart.

Speaker 8 He goes, it's okay to laugh, guys.

Speaker 1 I hate white people.

Speaker 8 Like, it's okay to laugh. It's a comedy.

Speaker 8 But still, they were like cautious.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you're wiggling around in your seat in those parts. But I thought it was really, really good.

Speaker 1 I'm very excited now. That was a great promo PFC.

Speaker 4 Now, can we talk about a movie that I don't like that you were in?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Interstellar.

Speaker 4 Interstellar traffic. What's up with all the camera filters and traffic?

Speaker 1 You don't like traffic. It's like you're.
Well, no, I love it.

Speaker 1 I actually love traffic. I like areas that are past.
Do you want to do it in the future? Traffic's not one of them.

Speaker 4 I love traffic. Just how come you're in the scenes in Mexico, it's like dark yellow, and then in the United States, it's like dark.

Speaker 1 It was red, white, and blue, that movie.

Speaker 4 All that stuff. There was yellow.
There was yellow in Mexico.

Speaker 1 No, that's the red part, right? Did you have fun playing that role?

Speaker 4 Were you just like, you get to talk fast all the time, pretend you were on Coke?

Speaker 8 You know what it was? When I got the role.

Speaker 1 Pretend

Speaker 1 boarding school. I thought I was method by coincidence, right?

Speaker 8 When I got the role on 70 Show, I thought it started to become a hit at that point. And it was like two years in.
I was like, oh,

Speaker 8 I still feel that way about playing David Duke, or I kind of played like a Jack Dorsey type of character in Black Mirror. I was like, I think I can do.

Speaker 8 I've amassed enough goodwill. That's what a sitcom does.
When you think about Richie Cunningham or

Speaker 8 Chandler,

Speaker 8 it's hard to see these people as bad guys. So to play them, it really challenges the audience's.
And I remember that was because we had to grow our hair out for 70 show.

Speaker 8 And that was the first one, traffic, that I cut my hair short for. And I didn't even like, people didn't even know I was in it.

Speaker 8 Like, I was at the Golden Globes and people were saying, like, good job to the rest of the cast.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 8 they didn't know I was in the film. And I was, at first, I was bummed.
And then I realized, oh, no, this is good to have kind of two separate

Speaker 8 still. You know, I love doing

Speaker 8 Black Klansmen, and I just did a comedy that Jon Stewart's directing, and it's much more of a comedy, and I love that.

Speaker 1 That's interesting that you think that the people are so attached to that 70 show that you can play awful characters, awful people, and people will not hold it against you the same way.

Speaker 8 Well, I worked with Ron Howard once, and I was like, this guy, he's the greatest, and he is the greatest.

Speaker 8 He's the greatest human and the nicest guy, but also, like, you know, he was Opie, he was Richie Cunningham. You know, like,

Speaker 8 he's imbued with, you know, he walks in in the room and you give him so much, like, oh, this must be a nice guy. I think it really

Speaker 8 messes with the audience in a fun way when, especially playing David Duke. People were like,

Speaker 8 how do I feel about this?

Speaker 1 So, what about Interstellar? What about it?

Speaker 1 I didn't like it on the second watching.

Speaker 8 You liked it the first time? Yeah, I did.

Speaker 1 I did. At the second watching, I was like, this movie kind of only seen it once.
All right, so you're good now. All right, so don't watch it again.
No, then we're good. That's the Interstellar talk.

Speaker 1 Don't watch it the second time. What happened to you the second time? I don't know.
I thought it was kind of cheesy. I just had something happen.
I love Christopher Nolan.

Speaker 1 I love the Christopher Nolan Batman, but

Speaker 1 something about that. I don't know.
But don't watch it the second time. You're fine.
Explain to two idiots what exactly is cons or cans or whatever the fuck you call it.

Speaker 8 Okay, I didn't know until I went. Okay.
Which is the first time I was given

Speaker 1 cons 101. Can.
Can 101.

Speaker 8 It's like a can of Coca-Cola. Yep.

Speaker 1 Yeah, be relatable to these doctors. You guys know a can of Coca-Cola, right? Can't too much.

Speaker 1 Kick a can down the road.

Speaker 4 Can of natty light. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Can't express. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That kind of thing. Exactly, yeah.

Speaker 8 Got it. Got it.

Speaker 8 I've never been. I thought it was like really hoity-toity.
I'd kind of see people over there. I'd say, what is the big deal?

Speaker 8 And then, if you ever go to cans, try to be one of the leads of a movie that has received that well.

Speaker 1 Good tip.

Speaker 8 It was the most unbelievable. It was what I thought Hollywood was going to be like when I was a kid and I went to Planet Hollywood or like Disney World or something.

Speaker 8 I was like, oh, Hollywood's probably so much fun. And then you learn, sadly, it's a real grind.
You know, it's a job. And then I went over there and I thought, no, this is it.

Speaker 8 It's like palm trees and tuxedos. You're out on someone's yacht.
And that film, especially, no one knew that film was coming out. It was very quiet.

Speaker 8 Like, no one even knew I was playing David Duke in it. It was really a secret.
And then when they showed it, it got a 10-minute standing ovation at the end.

Speaker 1 Holy shit. Which is

Speaker 8 for me, like a one-minute standing ovation is

Speaker 8 like obnoxious. Right.
And a 10-minute, like, people are throwing roses. The best part of the standing ovation is there's a camera on you at the end of the film.

Speaker 8 So you watch this film with, you know, 2,000 people, and then up on the big screen, they have a camera on you. So, boom, you see, like, Spike Lee's face.

Speaker 8 It's in the room you're in, and everyone's cheering and throwing like bouquets.

Speaker 8 And then it went over to John David Washington, and people are on their feet applauding, and then the camera went to me, and the applause just kind of died down, and it was kind of quiet, and it went over to like Laura Harrier, Harrier and people started you know screaming again and I was like okay I think it's because I did a good job but it might be because I did a band you can't you can't give a standing ovation to David Duke no matter what

Speaker 8 yeah yeah so I didn't know how to respond to it but I kind of

Speaker 8 I thought that to me was my favorite I bought the poster of of the cann you know 2018 yeah yeah

Speaker 1 so it is con, it is can so it's as cool as everyone thinks it is because it's one of those mysterious things to people who watch movies people who you know enjoy media.

Speaker 1 You just think, like, oh, all these people go to France. They dress in tuxedo.

Speaker 4 Leo pulls up on his yacht with like 20 girls.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they lightly kiss each other on the cheek and drink champagne. And boom, hits get made.

Speaker 8 By the way, I think it is the gamut. I think people have flops that get booed over there.

Speaker 8 Really? Yeah, well, that's what was so scary. When we were showing the film, they said, sometimes if people are booing, just sit through it.
I was like, oh my God, what is this going to be?

Speaker 8 But they love cinema, so they are really there. They're not there for some commercial reason.
They're there because they want to see the movie.

Speaker 4 Sorry, how do you get tickets to be in the audience audience at Conn? Cannes?

Speaker 8 That's the only way I knew how to

Speaker 1 do a movie?

Speaker 8 I was lucky. There were only two American films that year, and I happened to be in both of them.
Just a weird question. I shot them a year and a half apart, but I happened to be in both of them.

Speaker 1 So I got to like a...

Speaker 8 If you had only known me then.

Speaker 1 So really, the tip is to be in two movies at Cairns when you go.

Speaker 8 If you can try to swing it, guys, try to be in the only two American films.

Speaker 4 Oh, you've never been to the south of France? Yeah, I highly recommend.

Speaker 1 Damn.

Speaker 8 I think it could be really bad. There's also a real hustler

Speaker 8 kind of Vegas energy going on at the same time where people are trying to get their films financed. So it really runs the gamut.

Speaker 8 I think there's like, I mean, this year, the ticket would have been Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. That was the, you know, like one kind of emerges as the one.

Speaker 8 But I'm sure I'll never have that experience. I mean, if you talk to, I mean, I've read interviews with Steven Spielberg, and he said, like, premiering E.T.

Speaker 8 at Cannes is still like his favorite Hollywood experience.

Speaker 4 I can't imagine what it's like trying to get an Airbnb in Cannes that week. It's like you're basically fucked.
You have to stay in Switzerland and make the commute down.

Speaker 1 We should go sometime.

Speaker 4 Yeah, let's go to, let's be in a movie.

Speaker 8 Let me tell you something. From what I can tell, the tone of the show, it is perfect for Cann.

Speaker 1 Oh, we are? Yeah.

Speaker 4 That's what I thought. What kind of movie do you think we can make to get into Cannon? We've got some ideas, but I don't know if they're like art house enough.

Speaker 1 My tuxedo is like six years. Once a year, boner dogs.

Speaker 8 Yeah, wait, wait, stop. Hit me with these ideas.

Speaker 1 Go. Oh, boner dogs.
I mean,

Speaker 4 I pitch you with boner dogs, but it seems like it'd be too elevated to be a picture of the picture. Pitch me now.

Speaker 1 You have it. Give me the elevator piece.
First question: Do you know Adam Sandler?

Speaker 8 Have you ever worked with Adam Sandler? Adam and I are dying for something to do. We said if it could have to do with dogs, that would be great.

Speaker 4 It's called Boner Dogs. And it's about this dog that always has a boner.
And

Speaker 4 he's like the leader of a pack of sled dogs.

Speaker 1 And they get lost. Can I ask you a question before we go any further?

Speaker 8 Have we seen it before? No.

Speaker 1 No, we haven't. Okay, this is kind of new.

Speaker 8 No, it's brand new stuff.

Speaker 1 It's like a mix between Debbie Does Dallas and Snow Dogs. And Rudy.

Speaker 4 Yeah, well, before I go any further, let me just say the dogs are voiced by Zach Efron. He's attached to it.

Speaker 1 Loosely attached.

Speaker 1 I heard his episode yeah oh there you go Ice Cube is loosely attached

Speaker 4 Adam Sandler is what we're hoping for uh Kevin James Chris Farley Chris Ross Rob Schneider Rob Schneider are all voices of dogs David Spade David Spade's the voice of the boner and the dog gets lost in the woods

Speaker 1 and uh the only way that he can get back is by following the trail of his little red lipstick that's that's guided them out there in the snow so it's like it kind of got emotional at the end there it all came around at first it was funny and then yeah it got so emotional with the dog got lost it's a whole thing about don't boner shame and all that stuff right kids will learn from this guys i am you want to throw that fucking money at it 100 yeah this is why you did that 70s show so that you could finance this

Speaker 1 project be the sugar daddy i i got another one for you you ever see that movie roma

Speaker 1 yeah i didn't so uh but someone told me that it started as the guy's life starts is that right yeah so i was thinking we just make a movie where it starts where it's like three two one action and then it goes through the whole person's life, and then comes back around.

Speaker 1 He's like 3-2-1 action, so it's a never-ending movie.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, I don't get that, dude. That didn't make sense.
What did I say the first time I did this?

Speaker 4 This is very confusing.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, what?

Speaker 8 Wait, 3-21 action, and the person is born.

Speaker 4 So

Speaker 4 it starts out with an old guy going 3-2-1 action, and then it goes to a baby, and then it's just

Speaker 1 a year-long. I got it.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 No, it starts with the guy being like 3-2-1 action, and then it's a baby, and then it's the baby growing up to be a human, to be a grown adult, and the grown adult becomes a director, and at the end of the movie, he's like, Okay, all the things that happened in this movie led me to this moment, and then he goes to the 3-2-1 action, boom, back to a baby.

Speaker 8 But it's another, it's an actor baby.

Speaker 1 No, it's the same baby, it just keeps going loop, loop, loop.

Speaker 8 It doesn't make sense, though. If he's a director, what if it was a movie inside a movie inside a baby?

Speaker 1 He literally he's born and he lives, and then he's you get to the end, and he's like, Now I'm at a point where I want to do the movie of my life, so it starts all over. I got it, I got you.

Speaker 8 I'm having a brain monsoon right now, and I'm going to top your idea and make it way better.

Speaker 1 This is free. Okay.
If it's really good, we'll cut it from the podcast. So if you missed the whole thing, it sleeps.

Speaker 8 Just

Speaker 8 let this wash over you. Okay.

Speaker 8 A guy,

Speaker 8 he says 3-2-1 action. It's a baby, grows up to be a director.
He says 3-2-1 action.

Speaker 8 That baby grows up to be a director. Then he says 3-2-1 action.

Speaker 4 So it's another one at the end.

Speaker 1 That's what you did. Yeah, it's true.

Speaker 4 You cut your story off short. That's true.
I wanted more.

Speaker 8 So then when, or you know what? I mean, I was going to pitch three, but I feel like, I don't know if people are.

Speaker 1 Three too much. No, but the whole point of it is much too much.

Speaker 4 Three is self-indulgent at that point.

Speaker 1 And the whole point of it is it's like an eight-hour movie. Yeah.
And then we jack up the price for popcorn.

Speaker 1 So we just make the all the movie money that we make is actually through the popcorn back door.

Speaker 8 I got to say, that idea I am in no way touching. It's terrible.
I love Boner Dog.

Speaker 1 Okay, Boner Dog is a big part of that. That's fine.

Speaker 8 Fine. I don't even watch you on Boner Dog.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 listen.

Speaker 1 I help with the boner. I'm the fluffer for the boner.

Speaker 4 I've heard that you are getting really into remixing movies. Is that what you call it? Remixes?

Speaker 8 I don't know. We don't call it it.

Speaker 8 I have to answer all these questions about it now, but it started as I gave bad notes on a film I was producing. In editing, because as an actor, you're never in editing.
Yeah.

Speaker 8 And you don't know, you're going like, what took you so long? And they're like, we just shot the whole thing. Like, why don't you, you know, what took.

Speaker 8 And then when i went in editing i realized oh my god this is such a process that i i bought an avid

Speaker 8 editing machine online and i learned how to cut and the only way to cut with it is to get uh you know i i cut something out of atonement if you remember that film yeah

Speaker 8 it was really short but it was like my idea like cure nightly yeah so in order to get um enough footage to to like make a movie out of a ton of footage, I took that new Star Wars, the one that Natalie Portman's in, those three Star Wars movies, and I cut them into one.

Speaker 8 I mean, this is the nerdiest hobby ever.

Speaker 4 It's literally like, uh, you sure not a sports guy?

Speaker 1 You've gone viral.

Speaker 4 I'm adding scenes to Atonement.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, no, you're not sure. So that's the best reaction.

Speaker 1 That is, yeah, I'm not a sports guy.

Speaker 8 I don't know how to unwind. And it is nothing to do with my career.
Like, I don't want to edit anything I'm in, but it really is

Speaker 8 relaxing to

Speaker 8 kind of shift. And it's like going in the garage and doing woodworking or something.

Speaker 8 And it does teach you a little bit about the job because it's like when a director takes an acting class to be a better director or something. You learn a little bit, but mostly,

Speaker 8 I don't know. You know, you look at like The Hobbit.
I did The Hobbit, and that should be one film. Did you guys watch The Hobbit? Yeah.
It should be one film, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Wait, wait, The Hobbit.

Speaker 4 That was... No, I saw Lord of the Rings.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I was going to say Game of Thrones. Yeah.

Speaker 8 You did. After your whole, what was that thing called? Breaking Bad.

Speaker 1 The director of the Devil. What's the name of the? The Neverending Movie.
That was what it's called.

Speaker 4 Great title.

Speaker 1 Parentheses, buy as much popcorn as you can eat.

Speaker 1 Well, are you going to be director?

Speaker 8 I could cut that down. I could cut everything down.
No, I don't like direct. I would be bad at editing anything I'm in.
I just really like doing it as a,

Speaker 8 I mean, it's really nerdy, and it is as nerdy as it sounds.

Speaker 1 It's not, because honestly, to make the

Speaker 1 correlation to sports world, we have a guy in this office who breaks down film in the middle, football film, in the middle of the summer.

Speaker 1 Like, that's, if you're a sports fan, you probably have similar hobbies, whether it's fantasy or whatever.

Speaker 8 I want to get into it on a deeper level.

Speaker 8 I only do stuff that I'm kind of a fan of, and I just want to

Speaker 8 play around with it and have my own control over it. It's really fun.

Speaker 4 You should remix every single Nick Cage movie together.

Speaker 8 You know what I'm thinking of doing is

Speaker 8 this is going to be too boring for me. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, is putting all these 70s films together.

Speaker 8 So like All the Presence Men and Parallax View and like trying to

Speaker 8 make them all one dope 70s film, which would be kind of cool.

Speaker 4 That's a 70s movie.

Speaker 8 Yeah, that's the reason I won't do it is because people would

Speaker 1 recall. And I won't do it for that reason.
Well, if we get out in front of it. I'm so glad when I played Danny.
Not that. Dude, that's it.

Speaker 1 Don't make this joke.

Speaker 8 The never-ending movie, part two.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, no.

Speaker 1 Here we come, Cam. Your movie should be, don't make the joke you want to make.
Here it is.

Speaker 8 Yeah, that, yeah, maybe I shouldn't do it.

Speaker 1 Just do a bunch of 80s movies just to fuck with people.

Speaker 4 What was it like working on set with people that were hooking up, like your co-stars that you knew weren't?

Speaker 1 They weren't hooking up, they weren't. You didn't do your research, PFT.

Speaker 4 I refuse to believe that.

Speaker 4 I think that you guys were sworn to secrecy, and you've done a hell of a job.

Speaker 8 Why would they swear it to secrecy in 1999?

Speaker 1 Because you have to.

Speaker 8 And then get married and have kids in 2016.

Speaker 4 Everyone makes weird packs when you're 17. I've seen American Pie.
I've seen a lot of teen movies. You have to make a pact when you're a senior in high school.
I think that you guys made a pact.

Speaker 8 Let's not tell anyone.

Speaker 4 Yeah, because when me and Big Cat made out that one time, it totally ruined things with Hank. The whole dynamic was off for at least a week and a half.

Speaker 8 It's still kind of a little something's going on in here.

Speaker 1 Yeah, someone, someone wrote an article that said, what really happened behind the scenes of that 70s show? Oh, do you? Should I read the different paragraphs to you? No, don't even comment on it.

Speaker 1 I was trying to promote

Speaker 1 love far from first sight. It actually talks about them not

Speaker 1 being

Speaker 1 lovers. And then it goes down and down.
Leo's disappearance, Eric's buddy. Topher Grace supposedly hated the rest of the cast.
That's just one I just read randomly.

Speaker 1 That's not true. I love them.
We get together.

Speaker 8 I love them. I mean, the thing that I think people think sometimes is because I was new, I mean, so new.
Like, I remember the first take of the pilot,

Speaker 8 I'd only just had an audition. So that was the first time I ever acted.
They said, like, bring a headshot and a resume to the audition. I said, okay, what is that?

Speaker 8 It's like a picture of you, so we know who you are. I said, okay, so my resume was like Suncoast video and Dunkin' Donuts and shit.
And the picture was me and my friends at Six Flags.

Speaker 8 I mean, they were like...

Speaker 4 Wait, what are the roller coaster pictures? No. That's taken out of the picture.

Speaker 1 That would have been great.

Speaker 8 So I, I, like, the first episode, the director said, like,

Speaker 8 great job on that first take, but the, you know, you weren't looking towards any of the cameras. Like, I was so green.
Like, that was the only direction. Not like be more this way or that way.

Speaker 8 It was like, you got to face the cameras so they can see your face. I mean, that's like a very minimal, like, low-level direction.

Speaker 8 I was so messed up the first couple of years that, you know, a lot of the cast was more fun fun and would kind of go out more.

Speaker 8 And I was just trying to, like, I mean, I didn't even date anyone the first couple of years. I was so

Speaker 8 trying to do a good job on the show. So I think sometimes people say, well, you're not as close to them.
And it really makes me sad because they're all still grateful.

Speaker 8 You know, I have this podcast, and

Speaker 8 Wilmer just came on it, and we have a blast together.

Speaker 1 So Myth Busted. Myth Busted.
Myth, best friends. Busted.

Speaker 8 No, I just hate it because they're my

Speaker 8 bad.

Speaker 1 Imagine if someone said, oh, you know, you hate your friends from high school. And you go, no, love them.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I peaked in high school. I love my high school friends.

Speaker 1 Busted. Black Mirror.
So you're in an episode of Black Mirror. What made you want to do the show, first of all? Do you like Black Mirror? Yes.
Yeah. I love Black Mirror.

Speaker 8 I don't know you don't watch anything, man. No.
You haven't watched Black Mirror.

Speaker 1 I do watch a lot of sports.

Speaker 4 Black Mirror is a great show in the fact that it is very unsettling to watch. Yes.
But I always want to watch the next one.

Speaker 1 It's so unsettling for me, I don't watch it.

Speaker 1 Fair enough.

Speaker 8 This one will be very unsettling for you.

Speaker 1 No, I actually have a list of shows that I just know that I'll get to. I just binged all of Stranger Things.
Like, I knew I'd get to it. It took me three seasons at once.

Speaker 1 It took me, I watched Game of Thrones the whole thing a month before.

Speaker 1 So I will watch Black Mirror. It's definitely on my list of shows.
Have you even seen that Time show?

Speaker 4 Yeah, I have. Of course.

Speaker 1 So it was the four people in New York that were, right?

Speaker 4 No,

Speaker 4 there were four guys in LA, and it was

Speaker 4 Phoebe. No, it was Vince,

Speaker 4 Turtle.

Speaker 1 John Drama Turtle.

Speaker 1 Phoebe. Yeah, E.

Speaker 4 He was always fucking up. He thought he was smarter than he really was.

Speaker 1 Okay, so then let's flip it. Sell me on Black Mirror.
Oh, well,

Speaker 8 we should definitely sell you on it.

Speaker 8 Season five.

Speaker 8 Seriously?

Speaker 1 Yep. Fuck.

Speaker 8 No, it's like for anyone who hasn't watched it, it's

Speaker 8 this guy, Charlie Brooker, writes every episode, and he's like a modern-day Rod Serling. He's brilliant.
I don't know if you ever watched The Twilight Zone.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 8 Also a good show. Yes.
If you haven't watched Twilight Zone, you know, it's late, but get on it. And this is like

Speaker 8 similar in that it's an anthology like that, and it's about technology. And people have the same debates they have with Twilight Zone, which is which one is the best one.

Speaker 8 You know, you're doing well when people are debating which one is the best one. But they're all kind of different.
And some of them are some of my favorite episodes of television.

Speaker 4 Some of them really like take me a couple hours to get over.

Speaker 8 Yeah, some of them are really

Speaker 1 hit you at a deep level, yeah.

Speaker 4 But they're very, very good.

Speaker 4 I think my favorite was the guy that fucked the pig. That was pretty good.
That's a

Speaker 1 good one, yeah. Spoiler earlier.
Spoiler. Yeah, fucking pig.
You can tell me anything.

Speaker 4 He fucked a pig at the end. That's fucked up.

Speaker 8 It has to do with technology.

Speaker 1 It does. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah, the pig is actually a hologram.

Speaker 1 So do you normally fuck pigs? To me, it's about if it feels right.

Speaker 1 I do want to talk about your podcast. So what you do a podcast here.
We found common ground. We have a podcast.
I'm going to ask if you've heard it.

Speaker 1 I'm not not even going to ask if you've heard my podcast.

Speaker 8 There's no way. If you haven't seen Black Mirror,

Speaker 1 Game of Thrones.

Speaker 4 Tell me what the name of the Black Mirror episode is because otherwise I won't know which one to do.

Speaker 1 That is called Smithereen. Okay, Smitherene.
Gotcha.

Speaker 8 And it's great.

Speaker 1 I really, I'm really, really proud of it. I am going to watch.

Speaker 4 I will watch Smithereen.

Speaker 8 Yes. All right.
Can't wait to hear what you guys think when we're not on the show.

Speaker 1 We'll review it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We'll review it.

Speaker 8 But

Speaker 8 I have a podcast, which is to say, with Black Klansman. I did this thing called the Hot Zone, which is out of Ebola.
And then doing Black Mirror. I've been doing a lot of really

Speaker 8 just heavy stuff. And I went and did Ana Ferris' podcast, which is a great podcast.
And

Speaker 8 her producer took me out to lunch and said, I want to do your podcast. I said, I don't want to do a podcast.

Speaker 8 I'd be boring, and my life is really boring. And he said, no, I'll come up with

Speaker 8 a kind of a thing to do on it. And his format, which I think is great, is that every week we want a different adventure.

Speaker 8 So I have in a friend, like I had in Wilmer Valderama the other day, and we, uh,

Speaker 8 that was we brought in, the guest never knows what's going to happen. He brought in the greatest, the biggest trailer announcer in the world.

Speaker 8 We learned to announce trailers, or we had Whitney Cummings, and we did a lie detector test.

Speaker 1 That's awesome.

Speaker 8 Zach Levi, and we married a couple. We got ordained, and we made, so every week it's some, so it's great.
It's great for me because I don't have to

Speaker 1 like what you guys have to do with me.

Speaker 8 Like, it's terrible.

Speaker 1 You're going, what a boring guy. And you have to hear about this guy's life.

Speaker 8 And so this, we get to talk for a little bit, and then we.

Speaker 1 That's good because everyone has a podcast. Like, we make the joke that we're just two douchebags with a podcast because literally everyone has one, but to do something that's totally different.

Speaker 8 Well, I honestly sitting here, you guys are, I mean, I really mean this. You guys are so entertaining in how you do it.
When I started listening to your thing, I

Speaker 8 some people have that gift. Like, I don't have that gift to just like open up the universe and pull out something funny and whatever.
And

Speaker 8 you guys, just how we're talking. You know what I mean? I know this isn't a very specific show, but you guys seriously are very funny that way.

Speaker 8 And like, I don't have that, but I'm really glad he came up with it. I think I love going with these people on these adventures.

Speaker 8 And it's great. And I'm a dad, so it's like I get out of the house once a week.

Speaker 1 Same.

Speaker 4 You could take us to.

Speaker 4 Tell you what. Just release us into the Alaskan wilderness with a pack of sled dogs.
You can come along.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what if you guys came?

Speaker 1 What if you guys came a minor adventure? I would do it.

Speaker 4 It'll be like the live-action version of the Lion King,

Speaker 4 except it'll come out before the animated boner dogs.

Speaker 8 You can't know what the adventure is going to be, but I bet it would be something that would put you guys in a really bad position.

Speaker 1 I would really,

Speaker 4 I do not respect my body in the least. I will put it through it.

Speaker 1 Can we minor adventure you on your show, too? Like you minor adventure us, and then we make you watch a Big Ten basketball game.

Speaker 1 You would love it. Oh my God, you come on my show and we'll watch an entire

Speaker 1 game of something. We're just thinking about it.

Speaker 8 I'm the worst, by the way. I am like, the only redeeming quality I have about sports is that I admit it.

Speaker 8 That's true. Like I hate when people aren't into sports, but they're kind of like watching a game and trying to be like, come on, a little bit of defense.
Yeah. Right.

Speaker 8 That's all, but they don't know what the fuck's going on.

Speaker 4 Vince Vaughn's like that. We've had.

Speaker 4 Well, he likes sports, but he was standing next to us at an LSU game on the sideline, and he would just like lean over occasionally and be like, you got to get off the field on third down.

Speaker 1 We've got to try to establish a run here. Good point.

Speaker 8 I don't know what that means, but you guys do. And you went, no, that's not right.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Well, it's just like, it's a basic bitch thing to say.
Yeah. It's like, you know, they want stuff.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you saying it up front was good because we do have some people who come on sometimes and be like, oh, so what team are you referring? He's like, you know, the Yankees and the Mets.

Speaker 1 And we're like, that's not true. Like, you keep me.
No, you don't. Like, I'm a New Yorker.
Oh, no, I don't think so.

Speaker 1 All right, my last question: Seek Geek question: Put in promo code take you at $10 off to go see some sports. Seek geek, maybe we'll do that.
Maybe we'll go to a game together.

Speaker 1 Put in promo code take. What an adventure that would be.

Speaker 1 Do you have anything specific on your rider that's cool that you can tell us about?

Speaker 8 It's not on my rider. This is just a piece of advice for any actors who are maybe coming up in the game.
Is

Speaker 8 day one, pick someone on the crew, slap the shit out of them really hard.

Speaker 8 Because what that does is, and for no reason, right?

Speaker 1 So they go like, what was that?

Speaker 8 And you say, you're fired. Yeah.
Get out of here. Then everyone's on edge.
That whole production. Like.

Speaker 1 I like that. I think that's what David O'Russell did, right?

Speaker 4 Well, you could even hire somebody and just pay them to be the guy. Your job is to get slapped day one by me.

Speaker 1 That would be great.

Speaker 8 You pay someone to slap someone else.

Speaker 1 Rob Schneider would be great at that job.

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 1 So you don't have anything specific when you're in your trailer? Topher Grace doesn't have to have this.

Speaker 8 Oh, you know, you got to make one of two choices. I really meant what I was saying about that Black Lambs movie.

Speaker 8 Like, I was a local hire on that, meaning they were into me playing the part, but they're like, ah, we're going to hire someone out of New York.

Speaker 8 And I love that script so much and really want to do things that

Speaker 8 meant something to me that I said, no, no, I'll pay for my plane ticket to New York. So you're either kind of in that camp where you're essentially losing money doing things you really care about or

Speaker 8 or you're, I don't know the other world

Speaker 4 is to get in in a syndicated sitcom and then get rich enough to have enough money to fly yourself to jobs and take other people's jobs and also when people

Speaker 8 come at you with litigation in terms of slapping them just have enough lawyers to fix one army of lawyers to intimidate them deal with your neck injury I'm Topher yeah I'm Topher that's what I do when I when I slap them I say I'm Topher yeah

Speaker 1 that like makes the slap even worse right right I'm not Chris I'm not Christopher I'm Topher you just got slapped by a dude named Topher.

Speaker 8 That's how bad your life is right now.

Speaker 1 I love it. I love it.

Speaker 1 All right, Topher. Thank you so much.
Thank you for having me on. It's a pleasure having you on.

Speaker 4 I got like six things I got to watch now.

Speaker 8 Starting with season one of Black Mirror. Black Mirror.

Speaker 1 Well, no, that's 70 show. I got to watch that.
And then Black Mirror. Well, the thing with Black Mirror.
Twilight Zone. You should

Speaker 1 have to be shot.

Speaker 4 You can just pick and choose. You don't have to watch it.

Speaker 1 You can watch mine first.

Speaker 1 It does not go in order. Done.
Smitherene. I'm going to watch it tonight.
Awesome. Thank you, man.
It's a lie, but you knew that. I had a feeling you were going to watch watch it tonight.

Speaker 1 All right. I just want to make sure we're on the same wavelength.

Speaker 4 I think this is, we crushed this. Look forward to going on your podcast.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Yeah.
Look forward to having you on my podcast and not you. Right.

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Speaker 1 Okay, let's get to some segments.

Speaker 1 Nathan Peterman is putting together like a perfect drive. Highlight reel.
He's seven for seven right now, and he just ran for a first down. He's run for two first downs.

Speaker 1 He's about to throw somebody at Jake Marsh here right now because this is going to be a huge moment here. Also would hit my over.
That's true.

Speaker 1 Which I need very badly because I have not done well otherwise.

Speaker 4 Yeah, he just needed a change of scenery. He needed to get out west.
He needed to learn under the tutelage of John Gruden.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the QB whisperer. Oh, Nathan, nope, nope.
That's right.

Speaker 1 We'll update that one.

Speaker 4 One thing people don't talk about enough with Nate Peterman is how crisp those handoffs are.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 4 Just always gets it.

Speaker 1 He knows how to do it.

Speaker 1 All right. First segment, we have Drunk Idea, Aaron Rodgers.
He wants to slash the beer prices at Lambeau Field so people will be louder.

Speaker 1 Now, I'll just say this, PFT, and I want your take, but it's a sad, sad day when the Packers need to find gimmicks to be louder. Just sad.
That's true. I'm just going to say it out loud.

Speaker 4 Sad. Also, a sad day for the Packers fans to find gimmicks to get drunk.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 4 That is a part of the culture in which. Yikes.

Speaker 1 Yikes. I'm just saying.
If you have to ask the Green Bay fans to be louder, maybe just move the whole franchise. Touchdown Raiders.

Speaker 4 Hand off Peterman.

Speaker 1 Hand off Peterman. That's, yeah.

Speaker 4 Wow. Just pure class from Nate Peterman right there.

Speaker 1 Move the whole franchise.

Speaker 4 Yeah, move the whole franchise, get it out of there.

Speaker 4 He could also just slash beer prices by just drinking half a beer like he does when he's court side out of game. That's a real easy way to save money on beers.
Just never finish a full one.

Speaker 1 They should just give away free beer. Why not? For like a playoff game?

Speaker 4 What's to stop them? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just let everyone get. Well, actually, if you gave away free beer, then people would just pass out.

Speaker 4 To a point. Yeah.
How about free beer every time Aaron Rodgers and Matt LaFleur give each other like a glance that says that they don't like each other?

Speaker 1 Again, they'd pass out. Blackout.
Blackout. Pass out then.
All right. Next up, we have...
I don't even, we didn't have a segment for this, but Brian Cashman got pulled over, he did, yeah.

Speaker 1 And so that was weird. He is the king of

Speaker 1 he had an, I think it was an affair or was involved in something. Yeah, that remember that video of him rock climbing or climbing up a building or something?

Speaker 1 Brian Cashman does something weird every couple years just to remind you that he's around because otherwise he's just been the Yankees GM forever and his name's Cashman.

Speaker 4 Uh-huh. The Cashman is quite a nickname, too.
Like for the Yankees GM.

Speaker 1 For the Yankees GM.

Speaker 4 I saw him, they pulled their guns on him because it was his car.

Speaker 4 He had a car that he found out was stolen and then he went like vigilante on it, tried to recover. It's a very weird situation that's going on.
That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 Cashman gets in weird situations.

Speaker 4 He does find himself in a strange place. They had their guns pulled on him.
He was compliant when it happened, but it was kind of scary watching the body cameras.

Speaker 4 But as far as jailbird uniforms go, he could have earned his pin stripes, but he didn't.

Speaker 1 Here it is. You ready for that? That's true.
That's a good point. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I remembered it incorrectly. Yankees GM Cashman scales down building in Connecticut.

Speaker 1 What? That happened. Okay.
He scaled down a building because he was like, I don't know if he was rock climbing or something. Yeah, I think he was rock climbing.

Speaker 4 He's just a weird dude. He was rock climbing on the side of a building.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 What building was this that you can rock climb on?

Speaker 1 I don't know, but he's a weird ass. He's still washing.
No, but he

Speaker 4 was weird. He is Spider-Man.

Speaker 1 He did it five times. What the fuck? He wore reindeer antlers on top of a wig of spiked hair.

Speaker 1 Okay, Cashman's weird.

Speaker 1 This segment's called Brian Cashman, Weirdo.

Speaker 4 Big-time weirdo.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, next up, we have an oh, you think. Bryson DeChambeau said that Brooks Kapko could kick his ass.
Yeah. Uh, you think? No, doi.

Speaker 4 Shit with your little noosie hat.

Speaker 1 Thanks for letting us know, scientists.

Speaker 4 Blake Kapko would punch him in his face so hard that his hat would spin around like it was in a cartoon and make a slide whistle.

Speaker 1 He'd cave his skull in. Yeah, fuck you, Bryn.
You can watch that shit.

Speaker 4 Brison DeShambly.

Speaker 1 Get out of here, dude. I just wish he'd quit off.
Scram.

Speaker 1 Scram.

Speaker 1 Beat it. Beat it, beat it.
Chump. Get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 4 I hope that Brooks Kepka beats his ass. Yeah, me too.
That's what golf's been missing, really.

Speaker 1 I'll hold Bryson DeShambo's hands behind his back while Brooks just kicks his ass.

Speaker 4 How about I hold Blake Kepka's hands behind his back and he still kicks Bryson's ass?

Speaker 1 Probably going to happen.

Speaker 4 Oh, there's a man, Mark Davis, looking so sweet. He is.
Look at that camel toe, that moose knuckle just.

Speaker 1 He is so hot.

Speaker 4 The shadows shadows on that thing. That looks like the elephant graveyard that the Lion King isn't allowed to go into.

Speaker 1 How can a man have all that swag?

Speaker 4 It's too much.

Speaker 1 You ask for the rest of us, Mark. How can one person have all that swag? God damn, that was awesome.
By the way, save some for the rest of us, that was actually the headline I used on the tweet.

Speaker 1 Did you see the Joe West kiss? No.

Speaker 1 He smooched some fan last night, like through the netting.

Speaker 4 Casanova. Like,

Speaker 1 some dude was like, hey, there's Joe West. He's a famous ump.

Speaker 1 Honey, go get a picture with him. And she walked walked up and he just smooched the fuck out of him.

Speaker 4 He's like the Joe Biden of umpires.

Speaker 6 I think you're also giving him too much credit that the dad was like, I bet you he walked over and was talking to them. And she was like, can we take a picture?

Speaker 4 No, he was probably like, you want to take a picture with Country Joe?

Speaker 1 He's like, let me see that cheek. You like my music? I don't think he was summoned over.

Speaker 6 I think he was just over there.

Speaker 4 Why don't you give my big, weird neck flap a little smoochy smooch?

Speaker 1 I'm a smoochaholic. That's Joe West.
I'm going to start doing the bullfrog thing when they're horny and just expanding my neck skin and back and forth.

Speaker 4 You'll find it irresistible, baby.

Speaker 6 Are you worried about the Cubs? Price just had to walk off Grant Slam.

Speaker 1 Wait, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 Yeah, whatever.

Speaker 6 Price just had to walk off Grand Slam.

Speaker 4 You caught him in the middle of one of his little streaks.

Speaker 6 I thought you saw that already.

Speaker 1 They were up 5-0.

Speaker 1 Sorry.

Speaker 6 Sorry for breaking that news.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 4 I'm sorry, Hank had to break that news, too. He hates it.
Hank hates delivering bad news like that to you.

Speaker 1 What the fuck? This is a real reaction. Eudarvish was awesome tonight, too.

Speaker 4 You know, it's even worse that his dog's named Wrigley and he did that to you.

Speaker 1 Fuck.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Double doink.

Speaker 1 Cubs are so bad on the road. They're so fucking bad on the road.
Six runs in the ninth.

Speaker 4 Nice. Fuck.

Speaker 1 Okay. All right, let's just go to license.
Next segment. Oh, yeah.
PR-101 Ohio State. I'm bummed out because the Cubs do this.
You started the show. You thought it was over.

Speaker 1 Yo, it was 5-0 when we started the show. And I was a...

Speaker 4 Fuck. Hank really killed the show's vibe right there.

Speaker 1 101 Ohio State said, tried to do the fuck them.

Speaker 4 They trademarked the fucking duh.

Speaker 1 You covered up for Urban Meyer. Yeah.
Shame.

Speaker 4 Yeah, just

Speaker 4 trademark the word sorry. Shame.
We'll do better next time. Shame, shame, shame.
I actually had an idea about this. Tell me if you think this would work.

Speaker 4 So Texas should just trademark the phrase horns down and the motion horns down. That way, when everybody does it, they can actually sue him instead of just crying about it.

Speaker 1 Whatever, let's just do license to jill.

Speaker 1 I think that's a good idea if you. Thanks.

Speaker 4 Hey, Hank and I are going to finish the show by ourselves before we get to license to jill. Hank, what should LSU trademark?

Speaker 1 Gucks.

Speaker 4 Just a grunt.

Speaker 1 LSU should trademark grunting and neck.

Speaker 1 Sta-Tab.

Speaker 6 Suck that tiger dick, bitch.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. He hit that fucking ball to the moon.

Speaker 1 Jesus.

Speaker 4 Jesus Christ. They should just trademark tiger penises.

Speaker 4 Just anytime you see a tiger's dick, if it's in the wild, if it's in the book of his memoirs, talking about Perkins, and he fucking walked, he ran around the bases so fast.

Speaker 1 Just do license to Jill. Okay, we're going to wrap up this week's pardon my take with our friend, our intern, our podcast mom.
She's back from a vacation that puts Hanks to shame.

Speaker 1 Who the fuck knows where you went, Jillie Football? You just literally left one day, didn't see it for a month, and popped right back up out of nowhere. Where'd you go?

Speaker 1 Well, I can't tell you that. Okay, great.

Speaker 1 So, how was it at least? Can you tell us that? Marvelous. Okay.

Speaker 4 What was the best thing you did on your vacation?

Speaker 12 I learned how to use a gravity bong.

Speaker 1 Okay, shut up. If you did that without us, I'd be so mad at you.

Speaker 4 I didn't use it.

Speaker 12 I just learned how to.

Speaker 4 If she were to try to use it, you watched.

Speaker 1 Okay, so you haven't been on

Speaker 1 in like four weeks, so you must have something you're disappointed in with us.

Speaker 12 Well, yes.

Speaker 12 I'm a little disappointed and obviously not mad, of course.

Speaker 1 Right, you would never be mad. I would never be mad.
No, nope.

Speaker 4 We're perfect.

Speaker 12 But I'm a little disappointed in your flip-flopping with anti-vax.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, yeah.
I was.

Speaker 1 I was an anti-vaxxer, and now I vaccinate my child.

Speaker 12 Although you made the right decision. Are you sure? Absolutely.
Absolutely. I would never let my kids play with your kid if they had to get it.

Speaker 1 Well, I did it. I mean, your kids are like fucking 40, Jill.
I wouldn't let my kid play with your kids. My kid's six weeks old.

Speaker 4 Listen, the science is still out.

Speaker 4 I'm disappointed in Big Cat as well, because if you're going to pick a side, you have to stick to it. It's true.
You know, you can't trust somebody that waffles no matter which way the wind's blowing.

Speaker 1 I was always an anti-vaxxer, and then I had a kid, and I was like, huh.

Speaker 1 When the rubber meets the road, I pussied out and

Speaker 1 got vaccinated.

Speaker 12 Okay, but I'm also a little bit disappointed in

Speaker 12 what kind of example are you setting for your your son with

Speaker 12 succumbing to peer pressure?

Speaker 1 Yeah, true. I mean, you know, I mean,

Speaker 12 granted, he's little, very little, but you gotta keep it steady.

Speaker 4 Yeah, yeah, you're right. Was it was it tough? Because I've actually heard that it's tough watching your kid get vaccinated for the first time.

Speaker 1 No, he was chill. He's a chill-ass baby.

Speaker 8 Oh, that's great. He is.

Speaker 1 Like, literally, he cried for like maybe 20 seconds, and then he was back to just normal. He's just a fucking chill baby.

Speaker 4 Very strong.

Speaker 1 He's killed. He's just

Speaker 1 a little bit. He just hangs out.
Yeah. Oh, I love that.
Positive vibes only. Good.
Yeah.

Speaker 12 Good. See, it didn't hurt him.

Speaker 1 No, he'll be fine.

Speaker 1 Yeah. All right.
So that's what you're not mad, but disappointed in with me. What about PFT? Anything?

Speaker 1 How could I be? I've been great. Okay.
I've just been great.

Speaker 4 Jill, I heard you. I just knew the entire time that she was gone.
I was like, she's listening. I need to be on my P's and Q's.
Yes.

Speaker 4 We cleaned the place up, by the way, right when we found out that you were coming back. We're like, oh, shit, got to tidy up in here.

Speaker 1 I also noticed that Jill's Not Mad Disappointed was just from the last episode. So it makes me think maybe you didn't listen to anything except the last episode.

Speaker 12 Oh, but I did. I did post them on my Twitter.

Speaker 1 A couple of you retweeted?

Speaker 12 I did.

Speaker 4 Give them more exposure.

Speaker 12 I gave you what I was disappointed in. Okay.
And one was the disgusting, I don't know if I can look at them again, the Snickers with Nikki Bella.

Speaker 1 What about

Speaker 12 the cockroach legs in Snickers?

Speaker 1 What? You don't remember that? No, no.

Speaker 4 I forget every show

Speaker 1 immediately afterwards. What are we talking about? This is from Grit Week, so it was a long time ago.
Jesus Christ, how long have you been gone? Someone brought up Snickers and

Speaker 6 you were like, you know, there was a cockroach and a Snicker?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 6 And then we looked it up and talked about it.

Speaker 1 Oh, I see.

Speaker 4 I forget every show

Speaker 4 immediately after we say it.

Speaker 1 Shill's memory is better than ours.

Speaker 12 And then there was.

Speaker 4 Miss Gravity Bong over here. Yeah.

Speaker 12 Another one that

Speaker 12 I can't remember. I was on the boat.

Speaker 1 We were drinking on the boat from Vancouver. She was very dangerous.
Oh, not telling you where I was.

Speaker 12 No, I didn't go there. No.

Speaker 1 Sorry. okay.

Speaker 12 Okay.

Speaker 12 So there was a couple things that I put on Twitter.

Speaker 1 Okay. So I also heard that you learned some new words.

Speaker 12 Yes, I did. Yes, I did.

Speaker 1 Will you tell them to us?

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 12 I play in a game. It's called Telestrations After Dark.

Speaker 1 It's a game,

Speaker 12 but it's a game for, you know, you can play many players.

Speaker 12 And I learned from my 18 and 21-year-old niece and nephew,

Speaker 12 Golden Shower.

Speaker 1 Uh-huh. Yeah, very nice.
Never heard of it before.

Speaker 1 You've only done it. You've never heard of it, huh?

Speaker 12 Have I done it?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Do you know that for sure?

Speaker 4 Okay. Everyone's gotten pee on them sometimes.

Speaker 12 Okay, and the other word, taint.

Speaker 1 Yeah, taint.

Speaker 1 Everyone's got one.

Speaker 6 Big cat's got a juicy one.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I have a juicy ass too.

Speaker 1 Also, really? Yeah. It's in the song.

Speaker 12 That blew my mind.

Speaker 1 Okay. Did I have a juicy taint? Did you have a taint?

Speaker 12 Yeah, because that's not what it's not in the dictionary.

Speaker 1 What did you call it?

Speaker 12 I don't know that I did.

Speaker 1 The Gooch? The Gooch, the Grundle?

Speaker 12 Maybe, maybe.

Speaker 1 No Man's Land? No Man's Land. There I have it.
What about a Cleveland steamer?

Speaker 1 That's new. Okay.

Speaker 4 That's similar to a golden shower. Is it really?

Speaker 1 Just the other.

Speaker 4 You're just having a crap on your chest.

Speaker 12 Oh, like poop person. Remember that? Scat.

Speaker 1 Who's poop?

Speaker 12 Remember poop girl, the guy guy that wanted her to poop and oh gun girl no no

Speaker 1 this was early this summer never mind never mind okay we yeah we just don't remember anything did you by the way did you guys know this blippy guy who is a youtuber for children he's the same guy who did the harlem shake where he shat in his friend's asshole

Speaker 4 I did not know

Speaker 1 all right. I figured that was appropriate for this discussion.
I said that like we had any idea of anything. Awesome video.
Have you guys ever seen that Harlem Shake video? No, I mean...

Speaker 1 All right, let's watch it live.

Speaker 4 Shitting into somebody else's asshole.

Speaker 1 I'm going to find it, and we're going to watch it live. That poop's got to be really confusing.
It's one of the funniest videos.

Speaker 4 I finally made freedom. Oh, no, I'm back here again.

Speaker 1 It's one of the funniest videos I think I've ever watched.

Speaker 1 But he is, turns out, like six years later, he makes videos for little kids, which is kind of weird, right?

Speaker 4 That is a very strange career path for him.

Speaker 12 Yes. I would think so.

Speaker 1 All right, we can cut this, but I'm not.

Speaker 4 Well, you just milkshake Duck Blippy for me. Yes.
I'm such a big fan.

Speaker 1 Okay, here we go. Wait, this is an ad in Russia.

Speaker 12 Is this guy Russian?

Speaker 1 No. Oh.
It's just the only remnants of the video is Russian. One X bad.
Like, they just took it down offline.

Speaker 4 Oh, it's on a Russian site. Here we go.
Oh, yeah, I have seen that. Yeah, I've seen it.

Speaker 4 Starts out normal enough.

Speaker 12 That's what I do in my bathroom.

Speaker 1 Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 he blew in his friend's asshole.

Speaker 4 That turns like out of the frying pan into the fryer.

Speaker 1 Let's go to dinner. Okay, all right.
I don't know how we got here. Want to do some license to Jill?

Speaker 1 But yeah, that guy makes YouTube's really good.

Speaker 4 How did we get there? We went from taint to gooch to golden steam to shower,

Speaker 4 steamer, Cleveland steamer.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can connect the dots. Okay, okay.

Speaker 4 What do we got for license to jill today?

Speaker 1 Well, I have a number of questions. Yes, okay.

Speaker 12 Hi, Jilly. I just finished moving my grandma out of her house, and while moving her, I realized she was a giant hoarder.
Do all people over 60 have a hoarding problem? Well, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 12 Who knows if something's going to come back in style?

Speaker 1 Correct. Yep.

Speaker 12 You don't want people stealing from you. Yep.
Yep.

Speaker 12 And you think, I'm going to save all of this for my children. Right.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 12 And they don't want anything. I don't know if you can.
You don't have the heart to give it up.

Speaker 4 Right. My relatives might want 70 jumpsuits that are just laying around.

Speaker 1 I'm a hoarder. Yeah.
Yeah. Big time hoarder.

Speaker 12 There's nothing wrong with hoarders.

Speaker 1 I have a new pile that's starting. It's in its, it's like, it's not mature yet.

Speaker 4 How come when people just collect random stuff, they're called hoarders, but when they collect dollars, they're called rich.

Speaker 1 Ooh! Ooh.

Speaker 4 It's the exact same thing.

Speaker 1 Damn.

Speaker 1 And then try to get rid of it.

Speaker 12 Blow your mind. I wish this person luck trying to clean out grandma's house.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Yeah.
As long as there are no dead cats in there.

Speaker 1 That's always a bummer.

Speaker 4 When you're watching hoarders, it's like a nice light show sometimes. It's like, wow, that guy's got a lot of old newspapers.
You're like, oh, shit, here's a cat skeleton from 17 years ago.

Speaker 12 Oh, that creeps me out.

Speaker 1 The tip is is to die before people have to clean up your mess. Because that way you don't feel guilty about it.

Speaker 12 That's what I'm planning to do.

Speaker 4 Okay, good. Good plan.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 12 Here's another one. How can I break the stigma and revolutionize my dorm's atmosphere?

Speaker 12 I don't know that I can answer this one. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It depends on,

Speaker 12 I don't know, what kind of a dorm you live in.

Speaker 1 Trip chamber.

Speaker 4 Maybe a trip chamber would spice things up a little bit.

Speaker 1 Is it co-ed? Oh, want to feel old? Trip chamber guy is probably going to senior year of college.

Speaker 4 There's no chance he graduated from his freshman year. He dropped.

Speaker 1 Dude,

Speaker 1 you know what he's doing?

Speaker 4 He just blew my mind. Trip Chamber guy definitely did one year, and then he got an apartment in the same college town, but he's not going to school anymore.

Speaker 1 And sold everyone drugs. Yeah.

Speaker 12 I don't know him. Yep.

Speaker 1 You don't have to.

Speaker 4 He's probably the guy that taught you about the gravity.

Speaker 1 Probably the coolest guy we've ever met who we haven't met.

Speaker 4 You want to spice things up in your dorm room, like make it a little bit different? Go out, get a poster of the Boondock Saints. Get the Belushi poster,

Speaker 4 get the kiss poster with the two girls kissing, the pink Floyd with the backs of all the ladies in it, and I think you'll be good to go. Stand out a little bit.

Speaker 1 Yep,

Speaker 1 okay, maybe an aerial of

Speaker 1 your college's football stadium too. Oh, yeah, just to really make it artsy.

Speaker 12 Okay, I didn't live in a dorm, so that's okay.

Speaker 1 You're a mystery, so we don't know where the fuck you are from, where you go, where you went to college. None of this makes sense.
Okay, okay. Next.

Speaker 12 Let's see.

Speaker 12 Sup, Chill Jill and the boys.

Speaker 12 Now that summer's winding down, what are you looking forward to most this fall? Besides football.

Speaker 1 Okay, I was going to say football.

Speaker 12 That's bullshit. Is there anything else? Besides football?

Speaker 1 You tell me.

Speaker 4 You tell me. What are you looking forward to?

Speaker 12 I like,

Speaker 12 as soon as it's September,

Speaker 1 the weather needs to go down, like, get colder.

Speaker 12 And come Saturday, you find the Michigan bar.

Speaker 1 You go there. That's football.
That's okay. That's all.

Speaker 1 She's talking about the bar. She's talking about the food.
But it's nice outside.

Speaker 12 And you go into a bar and you sit there and you cheer on

Speaker 12 Go Blue, the Wolverines.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah, I like that.

Speaker 12 That's what I like to do. And then you go outside, and it's beautiful out.

Speaker 12 Leaves are changing, so that's what I like to do.

Speaker 1 There is nothing better than that, like fall Saturday afternoon where you've maybe watched your team play the 2:30 or 3.30 kickoff, and then you still got a little bit of light.

Speaker 4 That's beautiful. I also like soup season.
Soup season's right around the corner.

Speaker 12 Ooh, that's good. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Vest season as well. Cover up my tits with some vests.

Speaker 12 Oh, I wish vests would come back. I like to go back.

Speaker 1 Oh, they're coming back. Don't worry.
Just wait. Yeah, D-Ray brought them back.

Speaker 12 I love vests.

Speaker 4 What about, so you like soup?

Speaker 1 I'm really glad to see you. I love soup.

Speaker 4 I'm very glad to hear that. Do you like pumpkin spice lattes?

Speaker 1 You can look forward to that, too. Oh, you're not a basic bitch?

Speaker 1 No, pumpkin spice.

Speaker 1 I just like my lattes plain. I might start rocking Uggs this season.
We should just become basic fish.

Speaker 4 We should do that.

Speaker 1 Hell yeah. Hell yeah.
Hell yeah. PSLs only.
I like it. PSLs and DSLs.
That's what I do.

Speaker 1 Okay. All right.
Next one. Okay.

Speaker 12 Do you have any advice on how to take a seemingly unexcused leaf of absence from work and still keep your job like nothing happened? Good question. Excuse me.
Is that personal?

Speaker 1 No, no, no.

Speaker 12 I'm just, you know,

Speaker 12 would that be directed at me?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 12 Well, how how would you do it?

Speaker 12 Be sick. You could be sick for a long time.
You could be sick for a long time. Mono.
You got mono.

Speaker 4 Mono's a good excuse.

Speaker 12 Mono is a good excuse.

Speaker 1 I like mono.

Speaker 4 I also like saying that you got sprayed by a skunk.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's good.

Speaker 4 If you say, I used that in college one time during exam week, I said I got sprayed by a skunk, and nobody will ever question you on that.

Speaker 12 But did they give you, like, you know,

Speaker 12 tomato soup?

Speaker 4 I just failed it, but I felt less bad about not going to class that day.

Speaker 1 Oh, I never thought about it.

Speaker 4 I actually, I did say, like, hey, I can't come, can't take the test. I have to go to Walmart and buy a lot of tomato soup and then shower in the dorms, all that.
I made up an entire lie about it.

Speaker 4 And they bought it, but then I just never took the test. So, yeah, that's the part that I forgot about is rescheduling.

Speaker 12 Oh, there is that.

Speaker 4 But yeah, skunk it, free advice to anybody. Use it.
Never be questioned.

Speaker 12 And what about you?

Speaker 1 I just got some breaking news that I got to share. We're going to actually, you'll already know it when you've already listened to it, but I lost my train of thought.

Speaker 4 Okay, breaking news.

Speaker 1 But we're going to, I got to say it in the other part of the show. Okay.
Because we might have to call someone.

Speaker 6 I want to know what it is now.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I want to know what it is now. So do I.

Speaker 1 Will you cut this?

Speaker 1 Why? Because we're going to do it.

Speaker 4 The very beginning of the show.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but then by this point, though, I've already heard it anyway. Who cares? Blake buzzed his hair.
Oh, really? All the way.

Speaker 4 Jared just texted me. He took it down?

Speaker 1 I don't know. But I'm...
Yeah.

Speaker 4 Man, end of an an era.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we're gonna have to call him. He bicked it? I don't know.
He said,

Speaker 2 Are they playing tonight?

Speaker 1 No, no, he's not.

Speaker 1 He finally gave into the bald life. He went buzz.
Oh, my God. Yeah, so, I mean, this is big news.
So, I guess you got to the point where we heard it, but we'll talk about it at the beginning.

Speaker 1 We've already talked about it. Right.
Blake's going to be

Speaker 1 shaved bald, driving a Tesla.

Speaker 4 He's going to look like the ultimate libertarian.

Speaker 1 I apologize.

Speaker 1 I apologize.

Speaker 12 That's huge.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he just needs

Speaker 1 a vest. Yeah.
And maybe some cargo pants. And he's Jeff Bezos.

Speaker 4 Yeah, some small, like very narrow rectangular sunglasses. Yes, yeah.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 4 he needs to take a selfie of himself in his car and have that be his Twitter avatar.

Speaker 1 Yes. So sorry, Jill, I lost my train of thought, but that's pretty big news.

Speaker 12 Yeah. That's pretty big news.

Speaker 6 Let's do one more. Okay, one more.

Speaker 1 Last one.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 12 Sup, Jill. There's a duffel bag with $5 million.

Speaker 12 The catch is, if you accept the money, there will be a snail that's

Speaker 12 life's mission is to touch you. It will always know where you are, and if it touches you, you die.
Do you take the money or no? It's a normal snail, not anything crazy.

Speaker 4 What do you do?

Speaker 1 What do you do?

Speaker 12 Take the money. Stomp on the snail.

Speaker 1 But you touched it. If you touch it, you're dead.

Speaker 12 You're dead. But my shoes.

Speaker 1 Shoes.

Speaker 12 Oh, it didn't say anything. I thought it would be skin.

Speaker 1 Pour salt on it.

Speaker 4 Buy $3 million worth of salt, pour it on the snail, you have $2 million left over.

Speaker 12 Or take just a container and put it over the snail.

Speaker 1 Trap the snail. What if it was like hunting you?

Speaker 6 You didn't know where it was.

Speaker 1 That's the thing.

Speaker 4 It started out in a separate place.

Speaker 12 Oh, I'd still want the money.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 12 I'd still want the money.

Speaker 1 But, like, oh, you're in your...

Speaker 12 And their snail's pace goes really slow.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but you're in your beautiful pool, and then you get out of it, and whoops, there's just a snail just on the ground. Stepped on it, dead.

Speaker 12 Nope, I take the money.

Speaker 4 Take the money. All right.
I would.

Speaker 1 Give the fast life.

Speaker 4 I want nothing to do with this snail. I would let the money be.

Speaker 1 It'd be in your jail.

Speaker 1 Yeah, all day.

Speaker 1 All the time. You'd just be constantly being like...
But if you could kill it, then you'd be killing it. If you could kill it, yes, but if you can't kill it.

Speaker 12 But you could kill it different ways.

Speaker 1 Yes, but you have to, like...

Speaker 6 You have to see it before it sees you, basically. Right.

Speaker 1 Ooh.

Speaker 12 And there's many snails. There's different snails, I know.

Speaker 1 Right. You're familiar with

Speaker 1 snails.

Speaker 4 You've seen a few.

Speaker 12 I've seen a snail. Yeah.
A snail or few.

Speaker 4 I'm going to respect a snail. Yeah.
Okay. Not worth it.
Bad juju.

Speaker 1 Bad juju. Okay.
Don't kill a snail. All right, Jilly.
Thank you. Appreciate it.
Don't go leaving. I mean, are you going to go on vacation again? Although, the internship's coming to an end.

Speaker 1 The summer's over almost. It is.
We'll talk about that next week. Okay.
All right. Thank you.
Thanks, Jill.

Speaker 4 Love you guys.

Speaker 4 I know that we are upside down,

Speaker 4 so hold your tongue and hear me out.

Speaker 4 I know that we were made to break. So what I don't know.

Speaker 4 I am a fire gasoline.

Speaker 4 Come pour yourself all over me.

Speaker 4 We'll let this place go down in flames Only one more time.

Speaker 4 You killed the lights, so draw the blinds.

Speaker 4 Don't go a sparkle in your eyes.

Speaker 4 I know that we were made to break. So what I died now.

Speaker 4 We can go.

Speaker 4 That show is brought to you by NHTSA. I want to talk to you guys about something kind of serious.
Let's get serious.

Speaker 4 Impaired driving costs lives. Drunk driving costs lives.
It costs more than that, too. It can wreck families.
NHTSA is using no big deal.

Speaker 4 They're telling you, you think it's no big deal to drive drunk. Well, guess what? You're totally wrong.
Drive sober, you get pulled over.

Speaker 4 And listen up, because they're starting a brand new campaign that has just begun and it's running through September 2nd. Cops across the U.S.

Speaker 4 are going to be increasing enforcement on impaired drivers everywhere. I'm talking everywhere.
So listen to NHTSA. If you feel different, you drive different.
DUI covers more than just alcohol.

Speaker 4 It covers drugs as well. If you drive different, you can get a DUI.
Never drive high. Drive high, get a DUI.
You can't trust yourself if you've been drinking. If you drink, don't drive.

Speaker 4 If you drink, don't ride on a motorcycle. Ride sober, get pulled over.
NHTSA wants you guys to get home safe. Enjoy yourselves.
Have a great time, especially over Labor Day weekend.

Speaker 4 Throw back a few pops if you want, but don't get behind the wheel of a car.