Stone Cold Steve Austin + Mount Rushmore Of Sports Movie Characters

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On today's part of my take, we have Stone Cold Steve Austin in studio. Awesome interview.
I fanboyed out. I apologize.
Actually, I apologize to no one. That was an interview of a lifetime for me.

PFT, thank you for letting me fanboy out.

I definitely, there was a few moments where I was just Chris Farley in the Paul McCartney sketch.

Just being like, hey, Stone Cold, remember that time?

Remember that time?

That was fucking sick.

But yeah, wouldn't you say, Hank, you were laughing during the interview.

You say it was one of the funniest interviews we've done?

Mount Rushmore.

Yeah, and Stone Cold's electric.

And I'm not even a huge wrestling fan.

That was before my time, and I was still loving it.

So we have that.

We also have Mount Rushmore of sports movie characters. Should be a good one.
We have Antonio Brown, a little Brooks Koepka. We have to defend his honor.
And then a Monday reading for Jeffrey Epstein. So ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working? Nah, neither has Ariat.
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and weather whatever in Ariat works. Okay, let's go.
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And I was going to say Antonio Brown's lost his mind, but that happened like six months ago, so he's just lost his helmet. Yeah, maybe his brain is inside of his helmet.
I don't know. So I want to just start off start off by saying like, I actually think Antonio Brown is I think there's something wrong with him.
I think that he's like going crazy. He's had like an actual mental break.
That doesn't mean that like we can't joke around about the whole helmet saga because that is fucking hilarious. But I actually think that there's something wrong with the guy.
So I kind of feel bad. But we great jokes about it.
Well I would agree with you I think when he dyed his mustache blonde that was probably sign number one there also is like a weird I agree with you like there's we're gonna make some jokes about it because it is the the number one story this weekend but it is a weird feeling being like okay so this guy is kind of going off the reservation and on top of all that he is arguing that he wants to wear a helmet that has been deemed unfit by the NFL uh that feels a little too like on the nose about all the you know brain health and everything when Antonio Brown's losing his mind and being like no no I want to wear this helmet that will not properly protect my brain I assume that's what the new helmets are doing uh I would hope no there's a whole thing 10% more swag on the new helmets yeah the whole thing is weird the biggest winners in all of this are Steelers fans if you're a Steelers fan you must have had the best like three days just watching the internet roast Antonio Brown roast the Raiders have a have a grand old time with it. My biggest takeaway, though, is in a backwards way, all Raiders mystique has been lost because the Raiders, if you want to talk about the swashbuckling pirates and they do the Autumn Wind is a Raider and all that stuff and Ken Stabler and John Madden, it basically comes down to this.
If the Raiders were to just give Antonio Brown his old helmet and just pretend that it's not happening, they would possibly get an infraction, a penalty, a fine, whatever it may be. But they won't do that.
And guess what? Man card Raiders. Because the old Raiders, they would just let him wear a fucked-up helmet and be like, guess what? We just want our guy out there.
Exactly. They should do that.
You're absolutely right. Mark Davis should take his balls out onto the counter of the P.F.
Changs and be like, come get the money from me. I'm poor.
People forget that Mark Davis, he doesn't have good cash flow or just flow, any kind of flow in general for Mark Davis. But, yeah, he could just say, like, we're not going to pay you the money, NFL, come and take it.
And then all of a sudden they're not the Raiders. They're the Raiders again.
Right. And that's what we all want.
I mean, so Antonio Brown, it was comfortable. I get that he was like, you know, he had his helmet that allowed him to see the field, see the ball more easily.
And they're trying to make him change to a new one. That probably irritates most people, but every other player in the NFL is like, yeah, I guess I got to wear the new helmet.
I mean, for us, a good analogy, can you imagine if journalists such as ourselves just spent weeks bitching about the fact that they changed the new layout on Twitter? In your real-life job, we can't do that. I give up.
You never do that. You let the machines dictate their terms to you and you say thank you sir may i have another update so you're saying antonio brown just needs to go to google chrome and get that uh plug-in and just hack through it yeah he needs to get the extension whatever whatever the um open source thing is he just needs to just deal with it the it's a good point because we all have certain things that we get used to and then complain about it's just weird that it's antonio brown and this was supposed to be like you know he basically complained his way out of pittsburgh new start fresh start you have the foot incident where we still don't know what's wrong with his feet and then you have this where he's just no showing because he can't wear his old helmet i love the visual of him sneaking into practice with an old helmet and they keep having to ban him like every day he wakes up he's like all right this one has been painted correctly like it's got all the same look and then he shows up and the equipment staff's like dude you're wearing like it's very clear you're not wearing the right helmet you need to go and this just goes on and on and on and it will be i think going on and on i mean Antonio Brown really does sound like he might just retire if he can't wear this yeah I mean that's honestly like the most relatable thing ever is to have a minor inconvenience so bad that you want to quit your job it happens to everybody I actually really like that I do want to know more about who was painting his helmet like was this him did he like go out in his garage with with spray paint did he have a buddy that did it did he en enlist the help of Deuce Gruden to just like just flex on the helmet? I don't I want to know the mechanics.
I want to know like exactly what happened and how he was painting it. Because basically what he was doing was, you know, when a player is traded and then all of a sudden the Internet's got Photoshopped to them like with their old helmets, but just a different color, like immediately.
That's what he was doing with his own helmet. He was using like his old Pittsburgh helmet and just spray painting it silver.
Okay, so the two bad parts about this whole story, number one. Well, actually, we mentioned number one.
There's actually three bad parts. Number one, Antonio Brown kind of is losing his mind.
Number two, this was the fastest and the internet has killed the joke, I think. The people tweeting just pictures of other people in helmets.
Very, very good. We saw the old leather helmets.
All the jokes were taken up almost instantly because it's one of those controversies that is lighthearted enough that you have everyone getting open night at the Chuckle Hut. Yeah.
And then the third, what? It was. It was.
You saw it on Friday afternoon. It was.
Everyone had their memes. Everyone had their, you know.
When I saw Rich Eisen going off on helmet stuff, I was like, okay. Everyone's picked apart this cartoon.
It was SpongeBob in a helmet faster than you could say the word go. They were already out there.
Right. And and you it was this is weird i was on a plane and i was reading the mike silver thread and i got bleep out his name and i got to i think the 13th post where it said that uh that he was doing the spray painting stuff and i was like holy shit this needs to be on hard knocks so i quote tweeted and said like we need this on hard knocks are we riot and the first thing that comes up in my feed is you tweeting like we need this on hard knocks are we riot about a minute and a half before i did uh so credit to you so for i plagiarized you yeah credit to you for investing but even are we riot got run into the ground within like three minutes oh oh listen when i when we when we criticize other people of killing jokes instantly online we we are including ourselves.
Oh, yeah, 100%.

I mean, that is...

Yes, I'm a serial killer.

That's why we get to say it.

Yeah, that's why we get to say it, because we take every...

I just spray everything in sight.

You pray and spray when it comes to tweets about this stuff.

I'm the Ted Bundy of jokes.

So, the third part, which you just kind of touched on, the fact that you stole my tweet, which was fine. Not a big deal.
It's not going to be on hard knocks. None of this is going to be on hard knocks.
Because the Raiders aren't going to fucking let it on hard knocks. It's going to be the most disappointing hard knocks on Tuesday night.
They will touch on it, sure. But we will not see Antonio Brown trying to sneak in with a bad helmet we will not see Antonio Brown yelling at the training staff we won't see John Gruden flipping

out being like come on what's going on with this man but I was a terrible job no that's good that's

good keep going we won't see any of this we won't see any of this and it will be so fucking

disappointing on Tuesday night because the whole world is expecting it so now PFT we uh as journalists

have to be ready to riot because we said we'd riot riot. Yeah, we did.
So we got to riot. Tell you what, man, I see this kid coming into practice wearing this helmet, man.
I haven't seen so much controversy about another man's helmet since Tim Tebow was cutting up penises, you know? That was my... Okay, so that was like two...
Yeah, 1.75. No, that was John Gruden.
Roping. Feels cheap to rope in Tim Tebow there.
Is that a transition? No, I was just – Then you'd be cooking. I didn't really have anything in my head.
I was just going to be John Gruden until you guys set to stop. So I killed that joke too.
Good. I made a quick list here before we move on.
A quick list, a couple theories about Antonio Brown. He might be autistic because this is something like seriously this is something that an autistic person would get very attached to their helmet like it's their tool that they use and they don't like being told when maybe he's got Asperger's Asperger versus Roethlisberger the battle of the burgers um I made a list of things that uh like the possible next scandals for him because so far we've got him landing in the hot

air balloon uh him burning his feet and now the helmet thing so like just a quick possible next thing that antonio brown might do that we're not going to get to see on hard knocks i think probably at some point he's going to show up in a stealer shirt just because that was in his okay that was in his closet and he's just used to wearing that um i could see him getting a bird too. He strikes me as a guy

that is teetering on the precipice of

acquiring a bird too he strikes me as a guy that is teetering on the precipice of acquiring a bird to follow him around everywhere bird or bird or like um one of those uh remember justin bieber's monkey like one of the like he problematic monkey yeah like a monkey or like a something that can get loose at raiders practice with some kind of animal that that will just wreak havoc and we will have a headline, Antonio Brown lost his snake at Raiders training camp. Yes, something like that.
I can see that happening. I also think that at some point he's going to, like this is probably the next three weeks he'll have this news conference where they ask him how he likes being on the Raiders and he'll just be like, it's my job to be a Raider, so I guess I'm a Raider.
Like a very nonplussed.

Right.

And he'll sit way too close to Jeff Darlington in a huge fucking living room and when they

do the wide pan, we'll be like, whoa, you guys are touching knees.

This is fucking creepy.

Helmet to helmet, man.

Basically going dick to dick docking in this living room with Darlington, man.

And we said stop.

We said stop.

Okay.

So in turn around, yeah, we're not going to see it on Hard Knocks.

I'm going to say it right now. It's going to suck.
I'm pissed. Whatever.
But we'll riot. The other news we had.
Yeah, we are going to riot. So, tune in Tuesday night for whatever riot we figure out we're going to do.
Well, it's going to be like three weeks until the period. No.
No. It happens in real time, Hank.
Dude. Huh? It's week by week? Yeah.
I thought it was like two or three weeks behind. No.
We're going to watch them play this week oh wow it's week to week shout out to them i didn't know they were that that up to date on it yeah i thought it was like i thought it was like two weeks behind no no we're gonna get to see borders i think it's up yeah i think it's up to like two days before they basically they yeah shout out to them they fucking cut that shit up quick yeah Yeah, I was thinking like putting Riot on the schedule for like two weeks.

No, no, no. Riot's on the schedule Tuesday night.
Oh, shit. Tuesday night show.
We're rioting. I'll send a calendar invite.
All right. So the other thing we have, by the way, if you want to watch Stone Cold Steve Austin, which we have coming up, one of my favorite interviews ever, BarstoolGold.com slash PMT.
We released an extra episode last week, so check it out, BarstoolGold.com slash PMT. The other news we have, our guy Brooks Koepka, also known as Blake Koepka, is under attack because he wants to make golf fun, and a lot of people don't.
So essentially what happened was it's been an ongoing story slash conversation about pace of play in golf trying to – by the way, I had this idea. The fact that pace of play in golf trying to by the way can i had this idea the fact that pace of play is only baseball and golf like the two most boring sports to watch tells you a lot about what like that right there you should be like you know what let's go speed golf because if we're talking about pace of play it probably means people are taking naps during our games agreed um so so essentially essentially, Brooks is leading the charge of pace of play, make golf fun.

And Brandy Chamby, or what's his name?

Now, this I can't get right because the two guys he's going against.

Yes, yes.

I'm in the same boat.

Bryce Lee, Bryce Lee, DeChambley.

So it's a combo.

No, it's Chambliss DeBrixflow.

Yeah, Bricey Chamby. DeChambey, so it's a combo.
No, it's Chambliss DeBrixflo. Yeah, Brisey Chambliss DeChambley.
Credit to Brooks for going after just people with the weirdest names. It makes it very easy on us to make fun of them.
Yes, absolutely. Hard to follow, though.
Yes, hard to follow for dumb brains like us, but very fun that he's going after these guys. So he started the day basically tweeting at Chambliss, saying, don't worry, I wasn't in the way, Chambles.
If it was you playing, I would never stand there. Since it's Rory, I felt pretty confident he would shank it.
Essentially, he's saying, Brandy Chambis is saying that Brooks doesn't follow the rules of golf, like the gentleman rules of golf. By playing fast, he's getting in the line of sight of the guy he's playing with.
But it seems like Brooks is like, yo, dude, Rory also wants to play fast. This is totally fine.
And then what's the other guy's name? Bryson's DeChambeau. Bryson DeChambeau.
Either way, I guess at the end of the day, Brooks is the only one who's fucking standing up for the people of the world who want to watch fast golf. That's really what it comes down to.
Yeah. Honestly, did you see what Bryson DeChambeau was doing this weekend? It was pretty absurd.
Yeah. I don't know.
Yeah. I don't know really the rules of golf etiquette because you have to be, I think, like a rich person growing up to be really inducted into them.
But I'm pretty sure that you're not allowed to take three and a half minutes to line up a putt from eight feet and then miss the putt. If you make putt i think people overlook it but if you miss that putt then we're going to have an issue and i i also found out today his nickname is the scientist give me a break he's a big cold play fan yeah huge nobody said it would be easy playing with you because you're slow as fuck it sucked watching him play and then bryson showed up to uh the tournament today and went up to Brooks Caddy and was like, hey, if your boss has a problem with me, you can say it to my face.
Of all the people to do that to, Brooks is probably the last guy because I don't think Brooks is scared of anyone. Literally anyone.
He says he speaks his mind. That's why he's a Blake.
So he was like, okay, cool. He showed up and the caddy was like, hey, that Bryson dude is crying all over the course.
And Brooks probably went up to him and was like, what are you going to do about it? He's like, I'm sorry, sir. Your muscles are awesome, and you're fucking cool.
Can you introduce me to the PMT guys? Yeah, Bryson was like, you know what? You talk a big game, but I highly doubt that John Daly would say that to my face. It's like, yes, this is the guy that loves to say things to people's faces.
uh they had a conversation and then they asked brooks what was said he's like we began a conversation we're gonna finish it later i am here for like a fight yeah like a an actual brawl on the golf course i think that'd be awesome we talked to kill him brooks would absolutely destroy well it depends if you catch him after he's like been cutting weight for a week and he's down to like skinny brooks then i don't know yeah i don't know also bryson wears he wears the newsboy hat that's another thing that i learned about bryson today because he's he's very extra oh you got to be careful with that i've made this mistake before if anyone dresses even remotely like payne stewart and they can then just pull the trump trump card and be like oh actually it's in tribute to payne stewart now you're the asshole so always be careful you can't you can't dress in tribute to pain stewart and then act like this bryson pain stewart true pain stewart would complete a round of golf faster right now than bryson dechambeau here's the here's the one good thing about this whole controversy whatever you want to call it the pace of play controversy that hopefully we will get things fixed and golf will be faster tiger weighed in in, so you know that now it's going to be, you know,

maybe some things will change.

He said, I know this is a complicated issue.

Hopefully it can be addressed in near future.

Good job, Tiger. That was a quote from Tiger Woods in 2008.

Talking about the pace of play.

So it's definitely going to get fixed. Golf is for sure going to fix this, guys.
The PGA Tour said that they were going to fix it. They were going to look into it.
And Brooks is like, I don't know what you're supposed to look into. They are breaking the rule.
Yeah, just play a little bit faster and make it more fun for people watching at home. Imagine if they had a caddy or a kid just follow him around with a shot clock.
That would good that'd be amazing standing behind bryson with his stupid newsboy cap looking like dropkick murphy's accountant either way brandy chamby get the fuck out of here dude enough of you enough of you both of you the replies to to his tweet were so funny we're just shitting on brandy dude Dude, you're the worst. Okay, let's get to

who's back before we do that.

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Hank.

Yes. Who's back? Who is

back? Go. My first

who's back, actually I only have one. My who's back of the week is little kids crying and just the Little League World Series in general.
It was on this weekend. It was basically the only thing on.
So I actually think, I don't know if this is a hot take or not, but the regional part of it before the actual Little League World Series is almost more exciting because you can, like, sometimes I feel like teams, the team of Destinies, go and just get smoked by, like, random teams from over the world. But the America versus America, like Kentucky, Iowa versus Minnesota, like, those games are electric.
And I feel like if you win your regional, going to Williamsport is basically the championship. Correct.
Because you basically get to just go and party as a 12-year-old. And by party, I mean – Play ping pong.
Eat chocolate sundaes and stay up until midnight. So just getting there and you can tell the whole world forever, hey, we went to Williamsport.
That's a cool thing. You don't really have to win at Williamsport for it to be a cool story to tell the rest of your life.
Also, who's back with that? Todd Frazier. He played in the Little League World Series, and now he's a Met.
I guess he pumped up the New Jersey team to win their state title. So people forget Todd Frazier.
There was this kid, Jameson Kuznia. He had a go-ahead home run.
Oh, the big boy. Chunk, chunky, chunky.
Those are the moments you look for. He was a beast.
PFT, do you see this? They listed his numbers, too, which I thought was kind of mean. They were like, all 5'3", 165 of him.
That's just power. That's condensed power right there.
Yeah, no, that is pretty messed up that they did that. I agree with you.
I love the regional matchups, especially if you get two Midwestern teams going at each other. That's always fun to see the local kids playing against each other.
And then there's the near cousin of the little kids crying that's back in association with the Little League World Series, and that's the coaches wearing tactical sunglasses that know that the camera is on them and know that they're mic'd up, and they give these life lesson speeches, and then people on Twitter brag that they're crying while they're watching it. There's a lot of content to be made out of these kids.
Yes, big time. It's kind of like that guy.
What did you guys think about the guy for the Browns that returned that kick, and everyone's like, this is why sports are the best? I think it's the same thing as going to Williamsport, though. That guy would never play, but he's always going to have that moment.
Okay, all right, that's fair. But the whole time I was thinking all these people who are just doing this for retweets saying how this is why sports are the best what are they gonna say when he gets cut in a week sports are the worst this is why sports are the worst actually no this is why sports are the best it's meritocracy yeah no at least that guy put out a good piece of tape he's got a resume out there you can build off that uh all right pft what do you who's back? My who's back of the week is unpopular opinions because there was a doozy that made the rounds this weekend.
Unpopular opinion. Eating raw cookie dough is worth the risk of salmonella poisoning.
That's a spicy one. That's a spicy one.
Unpopular opinion. That was not an unpopular opinion.
Dude, who gets salmonella from fucking eggs anyway? Yeah. That's such bullshit.
Betas. They just scare you.
It's literally just scaring you so you don't eat cookie dough as a kid. Yeah, it's like telling people if you swallow gum, that's bad for you.
Right, exactly. It's big science.
It's trying to keep us down. Yeah, I think, honestly, the whole raw eggs thing was started up by alphas because they didn't want betas to be able to use their training techniques.
So they were just like, oh, you might get a tummy ache if you eat raw eggs. And so all the betas were like, yeah, good point.
I'm not going to eat raw eggs, making them even more of betas. So it was a great trick that us alphas pulled on the world.
My other who's back of the week is Nathan Peterman. Ah, that was mine too.
Nate Peterman. Can I just have it because you already have one?ate vick is back nope okay that's no why no i was saying can i have can i have it because you already did one yeah that was mine oh you only had one who's back of the week yeah it's who's back of the week why don't you take my other who's back the week which is killary clinton three yeah killer you have three yeah okay well no no i'll tell you what i'll hand the baton you got now yeah vick is yours okay so nathan peterman is back that's my who's back of the week a good one good choice yeah thanks thanks dude um just watching him out there was fun but the other part of the who's back of the week uh i don't know if you guys follow warren sharp very good twitter follow for all your football stuff.
He caught this. The Raiders announcer, okay, so the local Raiders announcer said that Derek Carr is going to have a big year because it's well known that the sixth year for pros is always a big leap year for them.
That's when you take the next steps. The sixth year.
Uh-huh. The sixth year.
So year six is usually for a quarterback is when it all starts coming together when things slow down. We were talking about it earlier.
So the Derek Carr, between that and Hard Knocks, the Derek Carr media hype machine that's trying to get behind a guy who we really know who he is, and that's not a terrible quarterback, but he's not a superstar quarterback, is very, very funny to me because they're basically trying to wheel themselves into Derek Carr as our starter. It's going to be great.
Derek Carr, no problem. John Gruden loves him.
And then you have Nathan Peterman busting off fucking 50-yard runs looking like the stud that he is. That's right.
So, yeah, watch out, Derek Carr. You're in trouble.
You can't throw an interception when you're 50 yards downfield with a cornerback eating your dust. Tough for Mike Lennon to out-intercept Nathan Peterman.
That's bad. That's not a great look.
That's bad. For sure, yeah.
That's bad for your job. It is awesome seeing him out there.
I hadn't heard that stat about six-year quarterbacks, but it makes sense. Robert Griffin finally won a playoff game last year, his sixth year in the league.
Yes. So I'm buying it.
Everyone knows six-year. I'm buying the six-year bump.
We've all talked about it. Everyone knows you've got to give that quarterback the first five years of their contract, then re-up them to just make sure that maybe they will be the best quarterback in the NFL.
I'm looking up who else was drafted in the 2013 draft so that I can adjust my fantasy rankings accordingly. Okay, I'm on it right now.
Oh, there were like no quarterbacks taken. This is EJ Manuel.
Yes, he'll be on the lookout for him. Definitely another big year.
Then nobody else. Geno Smith.
Oh! Geno Smith. Big time.
Backup in Seattle. Him and Paxton Lynch.
So those two are going to be gunning for the starting backup job. We should do a Mount Rushmore backup quarterbacks, by the way.
Matt Barkley, huge. Another leap year.
Well, probably not because Josh Allen's a stud. By the way, I know this is ridiculous to just say it, but I did wake up on Friday morning and I lost my Broncos bet because Pax and Lynch came out and played well.
I mean, that's just a fucking – that's just a sick joke. How did you bet against Pax Paxton Lynch in a revenge game it's such a fucking sick joke that I somehow am still losing money because of Paxton Lynch in but it's in a preseason football game fuck it oh my mistake that was the 2013 draft so those guys those guys had their bump last year great yeah okay you'll notice yeah you.
Okay, you'll notice, yeah. You would notice if you look at the stats.
I was wondering. I was like, I don't know how much higher E.J.
Manuel can get in his career. That's because he just had his bump last year.
Yes, he just peaked. He's waiting to peak.
All right, let's do our Mount Rushmore. We have the Mount Rushmore of sports movie characters.
PFT, you're up first. All right, before I go, guess who's hitting the bump this year? Bortles.
Who? Hell yes. Bortles here.
Hell yes. Brutal move by the Rams, by the way, to make him do the promo without a hat on.
That was fucked up. That was very tough.
I'm taking notes, Rams. Even though you're his current employer, you're on the list.
Johnny Manziel. Big bump.
Well, yeah. Every year's bump.
You're Johnny. All right.
So I'm going first on this one. Whale tail of a bump.
We killed that joke. Okay.
Mount Rushmore sports movie characters. I'll go first.
I'm going to go with Rudy.

Oh, okay.

I got to go Rudy.

Wait for a lot of tweets tomorrow.

He was offside.

Five foot nothing, 150 nothing pound, whatever it was.

Yeah, he might have been offside, but he was on sides of my heart.

Okay.

Hank, you have second pick.

My first pick also is a one namer.

Rocky.

Rocky.

Good one.

Good one.

Okay. I'll go.
I'll break it up. I'll do twonamer, Rocky.
Rocky, good one, good one. Okay, I'll break it up.

I'll do two names here, guys.

So my first pick, I'm going to go with Shooter McGavin,

all-time heel, all-time heel.

And my second pick, I'm actually going to go with what?

What are you mad about?

No, I'm not mad.

What?

I had Happy.

I mean, Shooter's better than Happy, so that sucks for you.

Yeah.

I mean, what are you going to do?

He lost the gold jacket.

Shooter makes that movie.

Okay, so my second pick is actually going to go to the animal side of things.

I'm going to take Hercules the Beast from Sandlot.

Good pick.

Yeah, that's Leroy.

Thank you. Good job.
Well, no, his name's Hercules. Yeah, his name's Hercules.
Good job. Good pick.
It's Hercules. Big dog.
The beast from Sandlot. Yeah.
I will go with Coach O's Remember the Titans. Okay.
Okay. You love Remember the Titans.
I fucking love Remember the Titans. You have an addiction I have.
I honestly, I watched it on TV again the other night. I know you did.
I had it on. I think I had it on VHS.
I probably have watched that movie potentially four digits, potentially in the thousands. You.
Every line, line for line, does not get old. The blocking, the two scenes at the end when he, like, the sunshine's blocking is just unbelievable.
Yeah.

The greatest blocker of all time.

Greatest lead blocker of all time.

Hank is watching, like, the world fall apart with the racial divide in our country. He's like, why don't we just fucking sing Ain't No Mountain High Enough in a bus?

We'll all fucking be cool.

That movie solved racism by making black players and white players live together.

Yes.

Yeah, good job.

All right. Your Hall of Famer, my book coach.
You have two. All right, my two.
I'm going to go Happy Gilmore. Happy Gilmore, all-time character.
I was trying to decide between him and Bobby Boucher, the water boy, but I felt like at times the water boy was racist against people from Louisiana, so I'm going to take Happy Gilmore instead. And then in my third one, this is kind of a wild card one.

I'm going to go with Bob Uecker from Major League.

So the announcer, Bob Uecker, made that movie.

Yes.

Very good.

Very good character.

Very good character.

Okay.

Hank, your third pick.

Uh-oh. There's just so many.
There are so many. But I'm going to go for the personal.
Well, again, like Remember the Titans, I've also seen this movie maybe a thousand times. Just because I had it on VHS or DVD or whatever.
Sanka Coffee, Cool Runnings. Ooh, good pick.
You want to go with John Candy? R.I.P.? I like Sanka better in that movie. Okay, John Candy.
Sanka. You dead? You got the bobsled team.
That is, I think they're making that into a Broadway musical. I might have made that up.
I fucking hope so. I might have made that up.
Broadway, like an indoor bobsled. That'll be cool.
I feel like I'm going to, if I didn't make that up, they should do it. Maybe that's one of those ones where my brain is too far ahead of what's hot on Broadway

because they should have Cool Runnings, the Broadway adaption.

Let's see.

Cool Runnings.

No, yeah, I totally made that up.

Well, they should.

They should do like a reverse Hamilton and do the story of the Jamaican bobsled team

but just have it be like a bunch of old white guys from the Pacific Northwest. Fuck.
Fuck. I made that up.
Okay. All right.
My last two. I'm going to go with Irma Cracken, Kingpin.
Bill Murray also gave us a Hall of Fame gif. One of a very, very, very funny movie.
And then my last pick, I'm going to go with Henry Rowan Gardner, because if you weren't a kid growing up in the 90s and you didn't think, hey, maybe if I just break my arm, I too can be a Major League Baseball player, then that wasn't a special movie for you. Roger Dagger.
And you know he still throws out the first pitch at Cubs games like once a year. It's very funny.
That's great. And I still expect him to throw like 105, and it just doesn't happen.
And then he has the Ephus. All right, Hank.
I'll go with Coach O, the blind side. Oh, pander pick.
Pander alert. It's a good choice, though.
It's a good choice. I think the kid from the blind side is in AWL, by the way.
Really? Yeah, pretty sure. What, Michael Orr? Yeah.
Shout out Michael Orr. last pick all right my last one is i'm gonna go an old school one the hansen brothers from slap shot oh okay yeah ra will vote for you all right well ra will launch a campaign for me uh they were the original bad boys slap shots one of those movies that if you ever played hockey growing up you you got forced to watch it you got clockwork orange and like had your eyeballs peeled open and you were made to watch that movie and still holds up it's a funny fucking movie all right so this is going to be one of those mount rush wars that we do and everyone's good there's going to be a million how could you not yeah how could you not pick this uh so let's start with the how could you not, and we'll talk about hockey.
Gordon Bombay, Goldberg the goalie. Herb Brooks.
Herb Brooks. But, I mean, Mighty Ducks, that's another one where if you watched it growing up.
I remember I wanted to play hockey, and then similar to Antonio Brown, I couldn't get the helmet off, and it fucked up my ears, and I was like, I quit hockey. And you can also freeze your feet in hockey too so it's very dangerous sport and Happy Gilmore and Mighty Ducks like everyone in their life has tried to do a knuckle puck and everyone in their life has tried to do the Happy Gilmore and it never really worked we were talking PFT we were talking I was saying beforehand that Hoosiers is probably my favorite sports movie but the characters just aren't the – the singular characters aren't, like, strong enough.
Like, my favorite character is Jimmy, but he doesn't even talk. No.
So I would throw him up there. The main character in Hoosiers was basketball, was the sport.
Right. Exactly.
So, yeah, the love of the game and just being in an Indiana driveway, a gravel driveway, shooting jumpers all afternoon. I also had Seabiscuit as one of my honorable mentions, but I didn't want to get into a big debate of whether or not horses were athletes.
I left that one off. Debbie from Debbie Does Dallas.
Yeah, I'm getting there. Picture me.
Yep. Do you think that Rocky...
Michael Jordan's Space Jam. Yep.
Do you think that Rocky is the best character in Rockies? No, the dog. That was my question.
His dog. Well, I was going to say Drago is...
I think Clubber was the best villain. Yeah, but Drago was everything.
Drago was the existential threat of Russia. Wow, Hank.
Deep. Fuck.
Drago was more than just an enemy. It was allegorical.
Good point, Hank. Yeah.
Billy Hoyle, white man can't jump. I wrote down Wild Thing, obviously, from Major League.
Coach Carter. Coach Carter.
Benny the Jet. A lot of coaches.
From Sandlot. Billy Bob from Varsity Blues.
Yeah. Yep.
Big one. Is he dead or alive? Dead.
I think he's alive. I think he's dead.
Okay. I'm going to look that upI.P.
If he is dead Our bad On that one Rod Tidwell And then the only other one I wrote down You guys can tell me Is this a sports movie or not Johnny Utah From Point Break It is a movie about surfing You could make the case Ron Lester Passed away in 2016 Billy Bob Fuck Alright R.I.P. Moment of silence he survived by the pig moment of bacon moment of silence okay okay moment of silence all right so there's a lot that i'm sure people will come up with uh we'll throw it up baby yeah g baby fuck there's so many god damn it this was we should have done like who who can tap out first yeah and just done a list of like 50 each just to see how deep do you want to do an extra one for i was doing trey wingo if trey wingo was in this draft because i feel like jackie moon jackie moon ricky bobby ricky bobby for sure i was gonna say uh he probably likes michelle from uh from dodgeball patches of hoolihan he has patches on there yes Yes.
Oh, yeah. Patches.
Can dodge a wrench. Okay.
He also just passed away. Oh, and then the brother that was played by the guy from Star is Born, Bradley Cooper, in Wedding Crashers.
Yes. Yes.
Crab cakes and football. All right.
Let's get to our interview with Stone Cold Steve Austin. Very excited for this one.
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Find all one bars at a retailer near you or on amazon.com. All right, here he is, Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Okay, we now welcome on, I mean, you're a role model. You're an idol of mine way back in the day.
It's Stone Cold Steve Austin. I'm a little speechless because you are actually someone that like i if i had to list the three people that uh are like on the you know pinnacle of my idols it's you michael jordan and dog the bounty hunter how do you think about that being in that kind of uh company not you're speechless that's yeah that's an interesting selection there Yeah, you like it? I do.
You like it? Hey, before the cameras were rolling, you offered to give me the shirt off your back. I did.
Can you turn up my volume? Yeah, yeah. Hank missed that, but when you walked in, you were like, hey, I like your shirt, and I just ripped it off my back, and I said, here, you take it.
Oh, yeah? You can do... You want it? No, no, no, no.
Give me that eye again. Please, keep it on.
I like it when you have your shirt on. All right.
So it is Stone Cold Steve Austin. Welcome to the show.
We're very excited to have you on. You have a new show coming out, Straight Up Steve Austin, August 12th on USA Network.
Everyone's excited for that. You want to talk about that real quick? No.
Okay. Boom.
That's what we're here for. Of course I want to talk about it.
Straight Up Steve Austin.. Yeah.
Man, it's a cool show, and I get a chance to hang out with celebrity guests and do cool things. And it's kind of like a talk show with many moving parts, and we're never indoors.
We're always outdoors doing cool things. And whether it's, you know, I'm interviewing someone, we're doing something from their life, or they're doing something from my life, or just finding common ground.
Obviously, I like to laugh a lot. Now, as you used to watch me in Stone Cold Steve Austin, a lot of people would think, hey, man, this is a serious cat.
He's always mad. He's going to be mean.
But I'd rather laugh than do anything. So I think humor is a common ground to bring people together.
So just hanging out with people, having a good time. And it's kind of a an extension of my podcast an extension of some of

the hosts uh the shows that i've hosted in the past so uh and all of a sudden you get 85 people

hanging around filming you it turns into this whole different animal so i had a lot of fun

shooting it had some great guests hopefully is uh received in a high fashion and we get a chance to

continue okay it's interesting that you mentioned doing a podcast because like just hearing stone

cold steve austin be like i got my podcast going then this is kind of extension it's kind of like

Thank you. They would pump you up.
You'd pump them up. I remember the speech that you gave, the what speech, telling the story about a man named Jed when everybody was just like calling response.
You fed off that that stuff now you do a podcast so you sit down in front of a microphone and you talk into just you know a piece of equipment there's nobody around you firing back how do you get amped up doing that without somebody like egging you on you know it's a different uh it's a different animal and i remember when i first did my first podcast some six years ago i went to the studio studio. And now I operate out of my house, or I turn my house into a studio.

But I rolled in there, and I didn't really know what to expect.

And because I'd done so much live television, and I'd been Stone Cold Steve Austin,

or different variations of that guy for so long,

I was used to having that instant feedback from that crowd. And that's kind of your gas pedal.

You hit that gas pedal and get a response, and you go accordingly.

So all of a sudden, I think, oh, okay, I'm going to start a podcast. I'm Stone Cold Steve Austin.
I've got the gift of gab, so I'm going to be good as gold. Hell, man, we started, and this was a test.
I hit the wall in seven minutes, and all of a sudden, I didn't have anything to say. So it was like it was a real come-to-Jesus meeting.
I'm like, okay, you have to learn some stuff here. And I went.
I learned how to start taking notes. That was just a debut podcast without a guest.
You've got to put in the time, put in the word. Do your research and be prepared.
It's an interesting dynamic. I'm totally used to talking now without waiting for a crowd to roar.
It was an adjustment in the beginning. Did we make a mistake not bringing beers into this studio for you? Almost all of the shows that I've done today have offered me a beer, but I'm not offended that you didn't.
We're trying not to be, hey, Stone Cold, here's another beer. Yeah, play into the character.
Yeah, and we couldn't find your beer, and I didn't want to offer you something that wasn't yours. And that's what just happened.
Someone brought out a, you i was like man this ain't broken skull right skull so anyway and i do have a long day ahead of me for me to show up on another show all trash because i've been hanging out you guys drinking beer all day would be unprofessional on my part so yeah i took a couple of sips so i don't want to look hoity-toity right right yeah okay a couple of swiss so you, I'm good. Okay.
100%. All right.
Dude, you offered me the shirt off your back.

You took the shirt off and handed it to me.

It was a great moment.

It was a great moment.

I didn't even think.

It was true.

You're the kind of guy I can always say, hey, man, the guy.

You call me.

He'd give you the shirt right off his back.

Mm-hmm.

Absolutely.

All right.

I want to talk a lot about the Attitude Era.

I told you I was a huge fan.

Let's start with just your entrance.

Do you still get chills when the glass shatters? Yeah, man. It's adrenaline rush.
It's a spike that you can't explain. And you live and die by it.
Recently, we just went down to Tampa for the Monday night. It was like the Raw reunion.
And I was like, for the www.com, they were asking me, hey, we're used to the Stone Cold Pop because it's kind of a phenomenon right and I'm not patting myself on the back. No that's a fact.
I watched all three hours of that show for the pop. Yeah so and I said hey man I said I know it's going to be good but anything less than fantastic or spectacular is going to be a letdown for me because I've heard them all and you live and die by that and boy when I came out of the, man, the place, it blew the roof off the place.
So it was an amazing feeling. And I'm not a drug head.
So I can say, but if you could bottle that feeling that I feel when that glass hits and you could sell that, you'd make a lot of damn money. What's the number one cop in your career that you think back? The one that you close your eyes and you're like, that was it.
Well, there's so many, but there's that one time when The Rock was wrestling, Mick Foley and DX, and they were creating all kinds of havoc. Vince McMahon was by the ring, and all of a sudden, Mick's in a bunch of trouble, and then here comes Stone Cold, and they hit that damn music, and it was a built moment.
They build those moments, but I've got to be the guy, and the music has a big part of it. But when I came out there to help him win that championship and then the eruption when he pinned the rock for the three count, that was one of the top ones.
That was a great match. Yes, it was.
But you also got to understand finally when I turned from the Ringmaster and the Stone Cold, the music that I had to begin with was laid back, boring, lulling. Oh, it's terrible.
And so then I started getting a little bit of hands-on when I came up with the Stone Cold thing. And I said, hey, do you have any ideas for some ring music? I said, you're damn right I do.
So I took Rage Against the Machine, Bulls on Parade to Jim Johnston. I said, it ain't this song, but it's in the vein of this song.
And so why he thought about the glass breaking, I mean, because Stone Cold. Yeah.
I mean, and then he put the sirens in, but it's a da-da-da-da-da. The whole thing was a masterpiece, and I give all the credit to Jim Johnston, but it was inspired, at least in my head, by Rage Against the Machine Bulls on Parade.
Yeah, that's pretty awesome. So you had, you know, too many outrageous stunts to count, really, whether it's running over the Rock's new Lincoln with the monster truck or driving the Zamboni into the ring.
By the way, had you ever driven a Zamboni before? No, and I'd never driven a monster truck prior to that. I'd driven a couple.
Was that before or after my neck surgery? Because I started doing monster truck appearances. But I am the master, the absolute master of driving anything on wheels in 15 minutes.
I'm not going to be an expert at it, but I can efficiently get the job done. And it's sink or swim.
If you're going to put me on live TV and put me in a monster truck or go to Nassau Coliseum when I drove the cement truck and the Phillip Vence's Convertible Corvette, all those things folded down, and then I revved the motor to spin up that cement to dump in that Corvette. We didn't have modern technology back in.
They didn't say, like, here's a mark to hit. I just had to guess at the mark.
So it was just fun to be able to do all that kind of stuff. When I drove that monster truck into the arena, they put me into a holding area.
I remember this. And it was like a and a half minute commercial break.
That thing's running off methyl, alcohol, ethanol, alcohol, whatever. It's an 1800 horsepower motor.
I'm in there and I'm dying. My eyes are tearing up.
I can't breathe because the exhaust fumes that truck. Well, you were also dead.
I'm just waiting to come back on air so I can just get out there and get a breath of fresh air. Anyway, get out in the arena, and I gas it.

And the carpet's so long, and I just revved it up,

and I think four-wheel drive was so awesome,

it just jerked one of the camera guys off his feet

because it shot the carpet right out from underneath him

because of all that horsepower.

So all the shenanigans that they created for me really helped the character.

Do you think it's missing in today's wrestling?

Because just thinking about listing them all, the Zamboni, putting the cement in Vince McMahon's Corvette, all these off-the-ring things that happen is what made Raw can't miss on a Monday night because you just didn't know. You're with Booker T in a supermarket.
There's all these things that would happen that you just had no idea what was going to happen next. And it feels like after your era, it kind of went away from that.
It was a lot more ring stuff. Man, well, it's interesting how the thing has changed.
And now it's three hours versus two hours, and SmackDown's two hours. But when you used to watch, you know, back in the Attitude Era, we had the Monday Night Wars, Nitro had this hot open.
Then we had our pyro coming down. Pow, pow, pow.
I mean, it was sense of urgency. You felt like anything could happen at any one time.
And to me, it's just maybe, I'm not picking on today's product, but I'm just saying the spontaneity is lost. Like that feeling that anything could happen is lost.
And if you can bring it back and create that excitement, I don't think you need to go to filling up this with that or crushing things. Braun Strowman has done some really cool things with displays of strength, turning shit over and stuff like that.
That's all cool. Sense of urgency, I think, is the most important part.
Was there ever any stunt that got brought up that you were like, no, this is too far? No, I never said that, but I'll never forget. I was recovering from my neck surgery, and I might have been eating a lot of enchiladas and drinking a lot of beer.
I went about 275. That sounds amazing.
And they said, we need you in Charlotte. You're going to drop a big parking block on the DX bus.
And luckily, that went to post. But anyway, I went out there and learned how to drive everything like I just told you.
What they didn't show me was when I was learning, they had the arm tilted down like this so I could swing that cement girder. Probably weighed about 400 pounds.
Then when we were resting, they put it back to a high position. When I got it, it was in the high position.
I I don't know that. I'm just, now I'm trying to swing

it, but it is not working like it's

supposed to work. And in those

cranes, it's

a vertical windshield, and it's literally

six inches from your face.

And so I'm there on what's live to tape.

They're going to take it back to post.

All of a sudden, that thing starts swinging back and forth

to that cab, and it's swinging

this way right at the cab. And I'm sitting there

thinking, on live TV, for most, for

all intrinsic purposes, I'm thinking, hey, I've got to watch my language. I said, some bitch is fixing to come in here and crush my head.
I'm dead. And it stopped that far from that glass cab.
And I wasn't selling it, I wasn't flinching, and I wasn't moving. So I was committed.
I was about to take an ass whoop and it would have killed me, but luckily as fate turned out, I'm here talking with you and a pair of sunglasses and you just took your shirt off without a give it to me. Hell yeah.
Hell yeah. Straight up Steve Austin coming up on August 12th.
Oh, hell yeah. Hell yeah.
Obviously one of the most interesting parts of your career is your relationship with Vince McMahon both on on and off screen. What was it like off screen, behind the scenes? One, did you ever sneeze in front of him? And two, did you guys get along day to day? Yeah, we got along for the most part all the time.
And it was funny. I tell people this that are still in the game.
There was a day back when I was the guy. If I called Vince, his phone didn't ring one full time.

Hello?

You know, because I was that guy.

Hell, now I ring, it goes voicemail, and, you know,

I'm lucky if he calls me back.

Right, right.

But we always got along for the most part,

and every now and then we would not, you know,

see eye to eye on certain things.

I remember one specific time in Cleveland, Gundarina,

they had me booked with someone that I'd already said, I would not work with this person. And we were in a room about the size of this one.
And man, I let loose with some real colorful language about you guys. You can cuss on this podcast.
Yeah. You can say fuck, fuck.
There was a bunch of that going on, and I let everybody know exactly what I thought

because I told you don't put me in this situation.

You did.

I said, now I'm the fucking bad guy.

I said, I told you not to do this to me, and it was much worse than that.

So there's been those times and the time when they wanted me to fly down to Atlanta

for Monday Night Raw and put over Brock Lesnar.

And the night before, I was working in Columbus, Georgia with Ric Flair in a cage. So I was like a kid in a candy store working with a goat, right? And then, you know, of course, it didn't show up because it wasn't time for me to do the favors yet for Brock in an unadvertised match in a tournament-style TV match, whereas, hey, man, I love Brock Lesnar, and I'll lose to him any day of the week, but build it up so we can all make money off of it, and it's going to mean something.
And when you get a guy red hot like I just had Hogan on the podcast, and I'll put myself there, but when you get guys who really, really draw stupid money, that's a very delicate balance that you just don't take stupid liberties with or you'll kill it off and you can never recreate it. So I was very protective myself maybe too much so but it took me seven and a half years to get there so no one was going to yank the carpet out from underneath my feet not even vince they weren't going to do the uh monster truck yank the carpet out on no no not that but no i'm in a great place with vince right now but you know the the closer you are the higher you up the higher

you are up on the card and on that ladder and with the money that we were drawing you become very close okay so with that said can you apologize to me for wrestlemania 17 what did you not like the heel turn i mean the fact that that that moment when you heel turn and and share a beer with Vince McMahon and just waiting for you to be like,

just kidding, stunner.

Yep.

I'm still waiting for that stunner. I'm still waiting on it, too.
And I've rethought that thing so many times. And if I could call the audible now, I would have just told him, hey, man, I ain't feeling it.
Because here's how I was feeling leading into that. I thought I was starting to flatline just a little bit.
And I said, okay, man, a change is good. And Vince always likes to do something big at a WrestleMania.
Well, it didn't have really anything big there. So I'm like, hey, I'll turn heel.
That's what we do. You get hot and then you turn heel and then it's even hotter.
Most times, yes yes but it has to be warranted and it has to be for a reason yeah and all of a sudden when i did that that night if i go back i just said hey man i'm calling an audible an audible watch the stunner right and then stun his ass it would have maintained my baby face run so so how much uh like creative input did you have day to day and you know because i know there's obviously a would you get to say, hey, I'm not doing this or I want to do it this way? And how much would they trust you? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I had a lot of control.
And they put me in a lot of, for the most part, always put me in really good positions to do great things. But I was one of the worst.
And I've told this story before. If I didn't like an idea, I would flat out tell you, that's bullshit.
I said, I ain't doing that. And they'd say, well, you got a better idea.
I'd say, no. It was like three hours for live TV, and they've got to come up with a completely different thing for Stone Cold to do.
So I was always the first guy in the building. I was always the last guy to leave.
I'll work my ass off. But if I don't like creative, I'll let you know about it.
Did you ever – so there's the creative process where they tell you what to do. And you have to improvise a little bit.
Sometimes you run into people that you're out there in the ring with. Mike Tyson comes to mind.
So a guy that maybe was his first time ever in a wrestling ring on TV, he's not getting into it with you as much as, you know, he's not a trained wrestler. He's got no experience.
Is there something that you would say when maybe things are flatlining a little bit out there to, like, try to get under his skin a little bit? Or, like, how would you mess with a guy that maybe doesn't have the experience that a professional would? Well, I mean, that situation never presented itself because when they brought him down, I think that was Fresno TV, when they introduced him as the baddest man on the planet, and, man, all of a sudden, here comes Stone Cold because you're in my ring and you're going to come out there and insult me with your damn boxing. And so we got in that little altercation where I got in his face and said, I don't know how good your hearing is, but in case you don't understand what I'm talking about, I got a little bit of sign language for you, so here's to you.
You always flip somebody off. I'm giving the double birds.
If they're not getting into it that much, yeah. When he shoved me back, he shoved me with everything he had, and I went flying, and I went.
It was damn near shoot. I'm going back for him, and they're holding me back.
Jerry Briscoe, who's a shoot wrestler, Sarge, all those guys, you watch how they're clawing and keeping at me because this has to be real. And if you go back and watch it and you watch closely, I don't know where Mike was going, but he had about $5,000 and $100 bills in his suit jacket, and $100 bills go fly everywhere.
And all of his handlers, because he had a posse, he had his team with him, all of his handlers are picking up all the $100 bills. But there was never a situation where there was something I needed to do to get Mike to do this.
And it turns out that Mike is a huge historian of the business and probably knows more about the history of the business than a lot of the guys. Would you go back and watch your matches on tape to see what the fans at home were watching? Do what? Would you go back and, so after like a Monday Night Raw, would you go back and watch the television feed to see what everybody was watching at home? No, no, no, man.
I was really bad. Nowadays, someone will email me a match or something like that, and I'll watch, and my wife will say, well, what are you watching that for? I said, well, somebody emailed it to me, and I forgot about it.
But going back to back then, it was too hard because even in the stuff that I watch that I do now, I'm so critical of myself. I think, well, why didn't you do this? Or, like, let's go back to the Chicago match at WrestleMania 13 with Brett.
Brett's wearing my ass out in the corner, right? And I kick him right in the balls, right? And we go down. And he just, he sell and he's on his back.
Now when I go back and I start reaching for those ropes and I'm all messed up because he's been kicking my ass, if I could go back, I would have stayed there for two minutes. Okay, two minutes is an eternity.
Let's just say one minute. Can you imagine how that crowd would have even come more than they did? Because they were with that match from the open to the finish, and the blood was off the charts.
But had I built that for another 60 or 90 seconds, they would have started rumbling. And that's one of those what-if type things where, if I'm trying to rethink the match.
So I'm happy you brought up that match because that match is kind of, wouldn't you say that's the match that maybe put you on the map as Stone Cold, the bloody face, the sharpshooter passing out in it. Do you think of it as that match? Like that's the match that put me at this different level? The match the year before when he handpicked me to work with him in Survivor Series at Madison Square Garden kind of started me.
And of course, I was in transition. I was in the making.
I was on the way. But to answer your question, quite frankly and truthfully, yes.
I think it's honestly, this is going to sound stupid, but the bald head with the blood has an image to it that you can't replicate with anyone else. Like when you would bleed, it was blood everywhere.
Whereas if someone's bleeding with their hair, you see it, but you don't see it. When you were bleeding, it was just an absolute scene.
I agree with you. Flair always had that mouthful of blonde hair.
So hair worked for Flair because it would be that big mess could add so much hair. That worked good him but for me for some reason my viscosity of blood or how it works i mean because you're looking at a canvas right yes and all of a sudden and and none of those were really blood baths per se you know we've seen other ones that were much bloodier but for some reason blood works well with me and it just runs down my face in a really good fashion

and for some reason

God didn't give me a very good hair genetic

but he gave me a great shaped skull

so you apply blood, sweat

and emotion

it really presents a hell of a picture

How bad did that sharpshooter hurt?

For real

Oh no, you feel some pressure

No, no, you're supposed to say

it was the most pain I've ever been in my entire life

Who put it on you?

You're supposed to say it was the most pain I've ever been in my entire life. Who put it on you? You're supposed to say it was the most pain I've ever been in my life.
I can't believe I survived it. Who am I talking to here? Me.
Oh, man, I hurt like a motherfucker. Yeah, there you go.
Okay, yeah, I bet it looked like it fucking hurt. Damn, I can't believe you survived that thing.
Fuck. I wouldn't give up both.
Yeah, the fuck no, you weren't. Yeah thing so what what is uh who's your favorite guy to work with throughout all your years man there's been so many uh ricky the dragon steamboat is like one of the greatest of all time and just the way he works baby you know if you grab him in a headlock he's going to come out you know try to top wrist you just on automatic reflex it's not like like you're telling him to do anything.
He fills in the gap. Even though me as a hill, I'm calling the match.
He's going to do those intangibles that I ain't even got to worry about. And as far as chemistry, Brett the Hitman Hart, him and I have such a mutual respect for each other and kind of like to tell the same stories.
And I think Brett's one of the grittiest, most realistic wrestlers there's ever been. I didn't hit flare in his prime and he got me when I was a little ragged.
But my matches with the rock were always an interesting study because I brought out the best in him and he brought out the best in me. And we were both these, you know, I was stone cold and he was a rock.
So when you had just these gigantic personalities, these gigantic characters with all these emotions, coupled with the facts that we both complimented each other's work style in the ring, magic. Also, I think you guys really made the announcing team better, too, when it was the two of you.
Because it really, you had to draw a perfect line in the sand. Are you going with the corporate rock are you going with the badass steve austin and hearing them take the rock side over you just the crazy shit they would come up with the backup mcmahon that was probably that's why i asked you earlier about like did you ever go back and watch because i think you would really enjoy hearing what jerry lawler would have to say about your work like while you were doing it well yeah i like watching that it's just like.
I just got finished talking to Hulk Hogan on a podcast a couple of weeks ago and going back and watching some of his stuff and listening to Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura commentate on some of their matches. And Jesse was always the heel and Gorilla was the baby.
He would admonish the baby you know, the baby face when he was doing something. And, of course, cheer the heel when he was doing something.
And so I can understand what you're saying. And when I watch it back, I give so much credit to Jim Ross for being the announcer.
Because, like, when he's yelling, Stone Cold, Stone Cold, I yell at the top of his voice or the Texas rattlesnake. And also remember, the Stone Cold character was in a gray area.
I was not the traditional baby face and certainly not a white meat baby face as we know in a business. So they pushed me as a baby from a very nontraditional standpoint.
And so Jim Ross would say, I don't know why they like him. Or, you know, I don't know why.
He couldn't just heap praise on me because you know he knew how to heap that kind of backhanded praise and it's an art form of getting talent over that's what Jim Ross was so good at and that's why I give him so much credit for being that guy for me and of course Lawler chipping in doing the things he did in those high-pitched voices magic yeah absolute magic would you say that you you are the person who's responsible for the most middle school detentions of the last 30 years? Man, DX is in second place. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Suck it all the time. I mean, like, every time I'd be in detention, there would usually be, like, four guys, and they're wearing an Austin 316 shirt.
Yeah. And it's because they, like, flipped off their teacher.
I said between the years of, like, 1997 and 1999, I probably gave out, like out 5,000 to 10,000 stunners. Were you that guy? Yeah, I was that guy.
Just stunning everyone. Man, we was over in Germany one time.
I was working with a guy. And normally, I call all the matches.
And for some reason, the guy I work with, he goes, Stone Cold Stunner, Stone Cold Stunner. So I said, fuck it.
I hit him with Stone Cold Stunner. Out on the floor, I hit my ass on the concrete.
Here's the thing. The secret to the Stunner is do it in a ring because you've got a little bit of gift.
I hit my damn tailbone and every vertebrate in my back said, fuck you, don't ever do that again. So, yeah, it works best inside a ring with a little bit of gift.
How did you come up with the Stunner? Fayetteville, North Carolina. Michael PSA comes up to me right before Monday Night Raw.
Hey, kid, you got a second. I've been using the Million Dollar Dream.
And he goes, I got something I want to show you. So he showed me the stunner with a couple of enhancement guys.
And so that's when I started employing it. A couple weeks later, hey, we need a setup move.
You know how Jake a Snake does the short-arm DDT?

He does a short-arm clothesline before the DDT.

It's a setup move so you have the anticipation.

By adding the kick, you have the anticipation of the stunners next.

So it was a two-stage process.

Michael PSH came up with both of them.

That's fantastic.

All right, so it brings up a good part of the show here. I want to do a little remember when.
I'm just going to embrace being a fanboy here, and I just want to do remember when. I'm going to embrace a guy that's been hit with a lot of steel chairs and can't remember shit.
Okay. Remember when your first stunner on Vince.
Yes, Master's 4 Garden. How was that? When you dropped that first stunner, and I think he said you could do it the easy way or the hard, and then, boom, you stunned him the hard way, baby.
If you remember, he almost slipped out, almost lost him. It could have been a botch that ruined everything, but we got it.
And that crowd just came unglued. No one had ever done it before.
And, of course, his sale job, we call it the crappie sale. Crappie's a fish.
Yeah. Put a fish on a pier, kind of like this.
He always sold the best. Vince always sold the stunner the best.
And he's so uncoordinated. But yeah, that was the magic stunner.
And that was the stunner heard around the world. Yes.
He would also do this thing where he'd act like he was having a seizure right after he got started. His back was breaking on air.
It had magic powers on him. Yeah.
Foam at the mouth. That's the synapses of the nervousness of firing uncontrollably.
Yes. Exactly.
What about stunning Donald Trump? Hey, I give him a lot of credit. We was at Ford Field.
The setup was a team versus team. Whoever loses his team is going to get their head shaved.
So you know Trump's not going to lose his hair. Right.
So Vince gets his head shaved. But before we go out, right before we go out, he goes, Hey, Steve, I'm going to see if I can get Donald to take a stunner.
I said, Really? He goes, Yeah, I think I can get him to do it. So he goes, hey, Donald, come over here.
And so he goes, this is Stone Cold Steve Austin. I said, hey, Mr.
Trump, how are you? And he goes, listen, at the end of everything, when it's all said and done, Steve has a finished move, the Stone Cold stunner. We think it would be great if he took it.
And all of a sudden, Trump's right-hand guy says, oh, don't take it, don't. There's no – they're lucky to have you here.
Don't do it. Don't do it.
And then Trump looks at Vince and he goes, because they're buds, and he goes, do you think it'd help? Oh, goddamn, pal. Of course, he'd blow the roof off the place.
So the guy agreed to do a stunner. So whatever your political opinions are, the guy was cool enough to take my stunner.
Yeah. I mean, it's crazy that the president of the United States got stunned.
Well, a lot of times when they show that picture of all those people and they're sitting around Trump, I'm stunned. Like, I think 75% of them.
Yeah. Right.
Yeah. Yeah.
The big man kids. Yeah.
Yeah. Stunned them all.
What about when you attacked Vince in the hospital? One of my personal favorites. Oh, I love that.
Dressed up like a doctor. Yep.
Was that a real hospital? Yes. And you just crushed him.
Yeah. That was awesome.
And then, you know, it was his idea, that enemaema thing and i said man you're a twisted guy yeah hit him with a bedpan yeah well the thing about the bedpan because that was a huge stainless steel bedpan yeah and so like i was over in the corner like bouncing that thing off my head trying to find a sweet spot because if you hit a guy the wrong way with that i mean you can kill a guy with one of those things right but the funniest the funniest thing about it was while Vince was doing his scenes, like the nurse taking his blood pressure, getting his heart rate, taking his temperature, and he's being a sour patient. Me and Mick Foley are in a closet about as big as my hat, and he's showing me Mr.
Sacco, and he's fixing to start using that as a finish. He hadn't debuted it yet.
And so two grown men, because he was going to do a thing with Yurple, the clown, and blow up the balloons and entertain Mr. McMahon.
And we're in there laughing our full heads off and finally they opened the door and said, listen, you guys got to shut up so we can film this. We got to do the show.
So that's what happened. And me and Mick Foley, we used to be travel partners, so we're very dear friends.
But we did all that. But yeah, hit him that bedpan, and here's the thing.
Had I just dinked it off of him, yeah, that'd kill the angle. So I laid it in.
Yeah, you did. You did.
What about the famous beer bath? That was also another personal favorite. Man, in the first, about the first 30 gallons of that was real beer.
And man, I rolled down there, and we bought that hose out, and I started spraying them. And then, like, as I was spraying, I figured, man, it'd be a great visual for me to get myself a drink of beer, but it was, it was coming out like, I don't know, like a hundred miles an hour.
So I basically ribbed myself because when I pointed at myself, it almost blew my eyes out and drowned me at the same time. Like that wasn't smart.
So, but I know sold it. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Absolutely. Did you, did you, uh, I feel like you never missed, we're going to wrap up in a second.
I feel like you never missed cans when they were thrown to you. Man, I got some hands on me.
You have some hands. Yeah, every now and then I get the rare drop, but my percentage – I remember that.
I got my hands. I was basically tied over here.
I just caught a bunch for Raw at that reunion the other day. Yeah, you did.
But, man, Mark Eaton, and I'd give him the signal. And some of them were so far away, you're like, Mark would go.
You're catch radius. And I'd say, bring them.
I'd say something different. But he would throw them, but he goes.
And I'd say, yep. And so some of those things got launched, I dare say, close to 40 yards.
But I've always been able to catch things. And, hell, I played running back in high school.
And then in college I played linebacker defensive end. But, hell, if they let me tie it in or something like that, I probably could have had a career.
I believe it. The hand size.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I can catch stuff.
I'm really good at catching alcoholic beverages. It's a God-given talent.
Everything else just kind of slips. I think it's good.
It's because you really want a beer. I'm telling you that is a catch, by the way.
You had it in your hands, and you weren't ready for it. You made a football move.
Hang up underneath this armrest. I'll tell you one more at the end of this interview.
You'll see it. Make it up.
You're also responsible for one of my favorite GIFs of all time. We like to do this on the show called Behind the GIF.
The one where you're swimming in beer. Do you remember that? Yep.
I'm going to pull this up for you uh can you explain what happened and whose idea that was for you to just go swimming in a pile of beer yep this one right here doing the freestyle surrounded by probably what nine ten cans of bush right there yep how'd that come to be okay so like anytime i was out there even uh when i just went out to wrap up that reunion i when i stood on the announcer's desk and flipped the lid off of that was off the air probably on wwe.com anytime i'm out there i'm looking for a prop i'm looking for something to ad-lib something to utilize anything no matter what it is so all of a sudden i got a pile of beer in the middle of the damn ring so sure i can walk in it i stand in it. But that's just walking in and standing in it.
Who's going to forget me freestyling in the beer? It just made sense. Yes.
And so like The Undertaker, one time he had that symbol in the ring and it was laying on the third rope and leaning on the ring. And so I got on it and I was balancing like I was surfing.
It's like the time I rolled down the office chair on that ramp and then crashed at the ramp. And, you know, that was a shoot crash.
I threw that beer down and celebrated through my fingers up. And everybody goes, oh, there's the greatest thing ever.
So I'm always looking for the opportunity to ad lib something, to make something out of something that nobody else would see. And I've done that my entire career once I turned into Stone Cold.
To utilize any prop, any situation I can. That's what I was doing.
Because you remember it. Of course.
I'll never forget it. Absolutely.
Stone Cold, thank you so much. Straight up Steve Austin, August 12th on USA Network.
This has been a thrill. You sure you don't want my shirt? It looks too good on you.
I'm going to give you my shirt. All right.

Thank you, Stone Cold.

Take my shirt.

I'll wear it on the season next year.

All right.

I'm going to take the shirt.

All right.

I need to get a new shirt.

It's all started with you.

Yeah, yeah.

That's your fault.

She said there's something about a guy in a Hawaiian shirt that just makes you want to like him.

Hockey is on.

And no matter the city, no matter the team, no matter the game, whether it's face-off or penalty shots, regular season or playoffs, win or lose, no matter what happens, no matter where it happens, New Amsterdam vodka is there hey what's going on there pal we saw you at the hockey game on do i know you guys i'm ryan whitney i got a drink named after me not a big deal pink whitney that's what i thought see you fellas i invented the thing you pigeon pink whit legendary moments. Okay, let's get to some segments.

First up, we have a bad visual for the Auburn Tigers.

So what exactly happened here, PFT?

Okay, so the Auburn Tigers, they changed their logo over the weekend.

But record scratch, they didn't change the logo.

It was not referred to as a logo change. It was called a new identity system so again to repeat not a new logo it's a new visual identity system so they made the u smaller shout out uh like shots fired at miami i guess but um they they de-emphasized the u they made the u smaller to make it the same size as the a but that's it's again important to note it's not a logo change it's a new visual identity system so this is like when the browns remember when the browns got a new logo and just uh slightly changed the pan pan tone of the of the color of brown and everyone's like oh my god look at it it's they did a big hey guess what the new browns logo is coming yeah it was just the exact same thing with maybe one thing like one piping different that's what they're doing here but yeah but they're denying it they're denying it they're kind of denying it but the denial is what i kind of buy it like a new visual identity system is a lot that's different than a logo because a logo is a visual identity system so they have a new one of those which is not a logo got it got it got it Which is stupid because what they should do is just lean into it and then get all new sales from the new logo.
Because if I know something about SEC football, if you slightly tweak the logo, everyone will buy new stuff. They'll buy new stuff before they pay their mortgage, before they get food on the table for their kids.
They got to have the freshest new Auburn logo for the fall. Yeah.
So that was a big miss by them i'm gonna be judging the fuck out of anybody i see rocking auburn gear that has the slightly larger you in their visual identity system what a bunch of pores no not for me what a loser what a loser you have to be i agree yeah just just lean into it be like hey yeah we changed our logo go buy some shit for us also i want to say I'm scaring myself because over the weekend I was watching more NFL football because that's what we do. And the NFL logo, the 100 logo, is starting to grow on me.
Like just a little bit. I still hate it.
Yeah, it is. But now it's starting to pop up on like refs hats.
And I'm like, that's kind of cool. I'm liking this now.
Right. And then I catch myself and I'm like, no, PFT.
You made a take. You need to commit to it.
but it's, I'm like, I'm like that's kind of cool i'm liking this now right uh and then i catch myself and i'm like no pft you you made it you made a take you need to commit to it but it's i'm like one percent every day it feels important yeah it feels important having the hundred logo you're like damn this is important this year's special something big's gonna happen by next week i'm gonna need it in more places i'm gonna ask how come it's not on thecussion tent. Why isn't it on the thing that the ref puts his head in when he's looking at porn or watching a replay review or whatever he does? I'm just going to say right now, PFT, it would be a pretty big power move if you had it as your letterhead on all the notes you take at your desk.
Oh, I was going to say tattoo even. You said it.
Power move.

Who would have to win the Super Bowl for you to get the 100 logo tattoo? The NFL logo tattoo?

That's a good question.

Who would have to be in the Super Bowl?

What if it was the Browns-Lions, you have to get the 100 logo tattoo?

If it's Browns-Lions in the Super Bowl, I'll get the tattoo for sure.

Yes.

Yes.

I think that's fair.

Yeah.

I want to say.

I will too. I will too.
If Blake Bortles super bowl mvp i will also do that okay so blake i'll i'll hang you in and this is not this is not to say that we're anti-jared goff because we like jared no but this is like a blake it's a blake thing right so it's look it's nothing against you it's not it's not you it's us it's blake it's's your name. Blake was you before you.
So it's like, what are we going to do? He's our first love. That's going to hurt Jared's feelings.
Sorry, Jared. Sorry, Jared.
Okay. If Jared wins.
How about this? If Jared wins the Super Bowl MVP, we'll party with him. Have a beer.
A cold Budweiser with you, Jared. Yeah, we'll come over to his house and party.
Deal. All right, we have talking soccer.
Pulsa Cic got in. And that was talking soccer.
Where? Chelsea. Piers? He stunk.
Did he? He did. He stunk.
I watched the whole game. He stunk.
Is he not ready for the bright lights? He came in and it came in. It was one nothing.
And then Manchester United scored three goals, like ripped them off. And I'm just going to say as someone who was ready to declare this, the biggest moment in USA soccer history.
Yeesh. Maybe we have to start getting the narrative that he's not from America.
So he didn't qualify for the world cup. Yeah.
Yeah. And he stinks for Chelsea.
He spent most of his life playing in Germany,

and by most of his life, I think, like, a couple seasons.

Come back home.

Come back home and dominate the MLS, Christian.

Bro, there's a spot for you on Kansas City Sporting,

or whatever the hell they're called.

Waiting for you.

DC United.

I know he's talking soccer.

We just lost Wayne Rooney.

Yeah, there you go.

What happened to him?

He went back over to England, and I was talking soccer.

Really?

Yeah, he did. He's playing for, like, a second division team.
He's a player coach now. Whoa.
It's actually the championship league. So, say it correctly.
Derby City, I think. Second division.
Derby City. I don't know what the hell it's called.
Baller to the pike you fucking blow it as I'm playing on your fucking pitch. All right.
Last up before we get to our Monday reading. Heard or injured.
Tebow's out for the year, and he should probably just retire from all sports. That wasn't part of the headline we agreed on.
Yeah, that was. That was.
It's over. PFT, it's over.
It's not over. It's not over.
No, listen, I was looking at a slash line this year. It's not great.
He finished 2019 hitting 163 with four home runs, 19 RBIs, 98 strikeouts, and 239 at-bats. So not ideal, but we're waiting on the six-year bump for Tebow right now.
So he's still working hard. That's what's important.
I think there was a point maybe before the season that you predicted that he would be called up to the Mets. No, I said that he should.
Should? Yeah. Are you sure you didn't say he will? No, I said that he should, and they're idiots for not having done it already.
Okay, because I've firmly been in the Tim Tebow is not a baseball player. This is all a gimmick and a carnival act, and he should probably just stick to doing TV.
Yeah, can you imagine if some superstar athlete decided to try their hands at minor league baseball? What a loser. Michael Jordan was a lot better than fucking Tim Tebow.
What was his slash line? What was his war? A lot better. And if he had kept with it, he would have easily been in major league baseball.
If it wasn't for the strike. He easily would have.
He absolutely had a better slash line. But yeah, Tebow, here's what concerns me, though, about Tebow.
He had a cut on his hand like three weeks ago, and it still hasn't healed yet. And they're benching him for the rest of the season because his cut won't heal, which is, like, on your hand, that is a symptom of stigmata.
That's bad. That is very bad.
So we've got to be worried about a lot more than just him not being able to hit a curveball. Yes, correct.
What level was Tebow at? He was at AAA. So in AA last year.
He was? Yeah. In AA last year, he hit, I think, like two...
I'm going to make this up. 270 something? There's no way he hit 270.
No, it was pretty close to 270 something. He hit 270 last year? But here's something interesting.
Sabermetrics, his lifetime on base percentage, you know what that is? What? 316. Really? I just made that up.
Yeah, I was going to say, no way. No way.
He doesn't walk enough. He strikes out all the time.
All right, last up, we have a Monday reading. This actually comes from a friend of ours, Sexual Jumanji, at Sexual Jumanji.
Who? Yes, that is is his twitter handle that was weird to just say yeah a friend of our sexual jumanji just be normal sex jay yeah sex jay is what he goes by on these internet streets so he had a very funny thread about jeffrey epstein i don't know if you guys heard but jeffrey epstein quote unquote killed himself um by the way do you have any conspiracy theories, PFT? I'm going to defer all my conspiracy theories to the band Foster the People. You may remember them from the hit song Pumped Up Kicks.
And they tweeted out that it's not his body. It's a decoy body.
So he's alive probably on a private jet somewhere, and they killed somebody else that looked kind of like him. This is the perfect conspiracy theory where no matter what your political leaning is, you can just co-opt it to say the other side did it.
Oh, for sure. It's insane.
Yeah. Everyone's pointing fingers.
It's a Spider-Man meme. I'm waiting on Neil deGrasse Tyson to point out the fact that every year millions of children aren't molested.
So why are we getting so upset about this? Yes. Yes.
All right. So Sex Day had a sign he pitched a seinfeld episode we'll start here a seinfeld episode called the inmate where

george is on tour of mcc manhattan correctional uh facility i don't know what the fuck the c

other c stands for and epstein is like hey nice shirt then ask george if he can have it then

epstein hangs himself with the shirt and george is walking around shirtless this is actually

I don to know he was suicidal? Jerry, you thought he just liked the shirt how was i supposed to know he was suicidal jerry you thought he just liked the shirt really kramer burst into apartment you guys hear about epstein whacked him jerry oh we heard all right george gave him his shirt kramer you know they found him hanging by a shirt classic kramer moment where he puts the pieces together you could see him doing it where he does a little shuffle. Points at him.
George, you killed Epstein. This is way too spot on.
This is really, really good. But the one thing that is missing, I need a detailed breakdown of how every character from Seinfeld would have voted so I can ruin my image of the character.
So, like, Jerry, I feel like Jerry's a solid Harris. I think he would vote Harris.
George becomes a Bernie bro, gets, like, full-on into it at some point. Probably, like, he harasses some women online.
He's like, I don't have to work? Yeah, I don't have to work. Free health care.
Or he might be Yang. He might be Yang, actually.
Yang gang. Yeah, I was going to say Kramer would be Yang gang just for the thousand bucks.
Well, yeah, Yang or also, I don't know, some stuff in his background. I would say David Duke.
George, I just gave him a shirt. And might I add, it was a nice shirt, by the way.
He was very grateful for it. Kramer, oh, I bet he was grateful.
All right. Jerry.
All right. All right.
Enough. So what if George killed Jeffrey Epstein? Elaine.
George killed Epstein? Get out! Sex Jay is a fucking genius for this. George.
George, back at prison. So I was here the other day on a tour and a funny thing happened and I seem to have left my shirt here.
I was wondering if I could get it back. Prison Guard, who, by the way, the only thing Sex J left out, Prison Guard, who eventually will someday become a huge star for his own sitcom.
You know what I mean? Like, Prison Guard is actually the dad from Modern Family. Oh, Ed O'Neill? He's 21 years old.
Yeah. No, no, no, no.
No, the other dad. Aren't they all dads in Modern? That's like the premise of the show.
Like, here's a bunch of dads. Yeah, you know the dad, though.
You know who I'm talking about, the dad. The main dad.
David Wallace lookalike. Oh, yeah.
Okay, fine. That's perfect.
He's David Wallace. There we go.
Yeah, the prison guard is David Wallace. The 21-year-old David Wallace.
Prison guard, a shirt. Hey, wait a sec.

Aren't you the guy who got lost on the tour and accidentally locked himself in a cell?

George, didn't think you'd remember that happening.

Now, about that shirt, it really is a nice shirt.

It's been my family's generation, you see.

And then George, standing next to a cute female corrections officer. You know, I killed Epstein.

I love it. So fucking perfect, Sex Jay.
i love it fucking perfect i love it sex way to go this is uh yeah the the whole uh conspiracy theory is going wild in the we just need football back i feel like if that happens on a on a fall on a you know like october saturday saturday morning maybe we get the conspiracy theories for an hour and then everyone else moves on. Right.
McNabb's like, I didn't know that a human life could end in a tie. Yeah, right.
Step on to the next one. And then he's like, okay, but Missouri is about to kick off right now against Florida.
So we've got other things going on. So SEC, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, no, but like real, like this is, you were right when you said that this is one of those conspiracies that Everybody can get in on it's almost like Bringing us together as a country The fact that we don't believe the official Story that we're being told about this Correct correct everyone's like Everyone has the exact same idea at the exact Same moment like he didn't kill himself Yes we know and then Who's to blame we don't know but we'll all just guess i never find out you always have to ask like who stands to gain the most i probably everyone you can cross me off yeah everyone you cross me off the list i stood to lose a lot because i was going to release an ebook a hilarious ebook about jeffrey epstein later on that day and then i woke up and like, wow, none of these jokes are funny anymore because he's dead.

So I'm the real victim when we want to think about it here.

Yes.

Yes.

All right.

That's our show.

We got Matt LaFleur coming on Wednesday. A little bonus training camp.

Bonus.

Bonus training camp stuff.

We'll see everyone then.

Love you guys. It's Pardon My Take presented by Barstool Sports.
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