Jim Harbaugh, Training Camp Week, And The Mt Rushmore Of Things We Don't Understand

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Speaker 1 On today's part of my take, training camp week is finally here. We have coach Jim Harbaugh on the show.
Haven't talked to him in a couple years. We also get a vintage Harbaugh story.

Speaker 1 Something I don't think people know. I think we actually have new facts about Jim Harbaugh

Speaker 1 on today's show. We also have Mount Rushmore of Things We Don't Understand.

Speaker 1 We have Who's Back of the Week and a bunch of other stuff.

Speaker 3 Before we get to it, When cool, creamy ranch meets tangy, bold buffalo, the whole is greater than the sum of its sauce.

Speaker 3 Say howdy, partner, to new Buffalo Ranch sauce only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Speaker 1 At participating, McDonald's. Okay, let's go.

Speaker 1 Now in the streets, there is violence.

Speaker 1 And then I love the some work to be done.

Speaker 1 Looks to hang out on washing.

Speaker 1 And then I can't blame all on the sun. Oh, no, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue.

Speaker 1 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue. It's Pardon My Take presented by Bar Stewart.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Part of My Take presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now.
Put in code BarStool. You get $5 for free, $5 to ASPCA.
Today is Monday, August 5th, and welcome to Training Camp Tour.

Speaker 1 This is one of my favorite weeks of the year. It's like grit week this week.

Speaker 1 The week... Super Bowl week? Super Bowl week is pretty cool.
The week after Christmas.

Speaker 1 Rivalry week. Rivalry Week.

Speaker 1 Whatever week rivalry.

Speaker 1 It's always rivalry week, depending on March Madness. But yes, this is up there.
This is one of my top two out of the... All of those are in my top two weeks of the year.

Speaker 1 But I love Training Camp Tour.

Speaker 1 We go to Baker Mayfield's RV. We hang out in there.
Yep. Meet with the OG of Training Camp Week, Jim Harbaugh.

Speaker 1 And Matt Patricia. Matt Patricia.
And so we're also going back out this week. We are going to Green Bay on Wednesday.
If you're there, look out for us. We tried to get something with the Bears going.

Speaker 1 We couldn't fit into their schedule. We'll keep trying, but we have more Training Camp Week coming.

Speaker 1 We were in, so last last week we were in cleveland and detroit we also golfed in jim harbaugh's uh i think it's his annual golf tournament where it's basically a bunch of uh boosters and michigan people

Speaker 1 i don't think we've ever like usually when we go places we don't look like we belong we've never been more out of place than we were at this tournament. There were, I think the Will Pons were there.

Speaker 1 Everyone was wearing a Michigan polo. We were wearing florals.
Hank golfed in jeans. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That was a look. We played a scramble.
It was a scramble tournament, and we had Tony Scheffler as our fourth. We've got a video coming on.
Don't give it away.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to give it away, but can I give away the interaction I had with Coach After? That's not giving it away. Give it away.
I mean, we suck at golf. Everyone knows we suck.

Speaker 1 After we came off the course, Coach Harbaugh was like, how'd you guys do? And I said, plus one. And he looked at me and said, no, no, no, not your score, your team score.
And I said, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 We were plus one with a scramble. Yeah.
And I've never seen more disgust in my life. Oh, he coach expects excellence from everybody around him at all times.
The winner was like minus 16.

Speaker 1 But what's weird is like we've hung out around him enough where he should probably pick up on the fact that we're not really athletes. Correct.
But I guess he's football guys guys.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we're football guys, guys. We're not football guys.
We're guys. We're not dudes, to borrow a phrase from their defensive coordinator.
Yes. But yeah, it was a lot of fun.

Speaker 1 I don't think I hit a single good shot the entire. That's not even an exaggeration.

Speaker 1 I think all of my shots could be ranked from poor to uh you should be executed on the fairway for the shot yeah you yeah your shots were you know i feel like you you might have just ran out of time though yeah 75 the rain came well that's true we only played through 14 holes yeah uh so who knows i could have turned it on i could have found my stroke on the back i did the classic four yeah i did the classic where i had like four good shots and then after the fourth good shot i was like you know what i don't really want to play any more golf honestly i think 75 of my shots were out of bounds that's not an exaggeration.

Speaker 1 I just hate golfed in jeans. I haven't played golf in years.
That's fine. We looked great.
So that's coming Tuesday. You can see our video with Shot Tracer, new technology.

Speaker 1 It's going to be interesting. That video's not on Tuesday.
Oh, when is it coming? This week. This week.
Sometime this week. This week.
This week. Get ready.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so Training Camp Week. It came at a perfect time.
Hashtag this week. There's nothing going on in the sports world.
We've

Speaker 1 disagree. Okay.
I played rugby this weekend. Oh, yeah.
Everybody was talking about it. That's right.
Everyone was talking about that. I got ran over like Leron Landry and Brandon Jacobs.

Speaker 1 Did you finish second? We finished second in our group. So we won.

Speaker 1 Beautiful. I'm going to make myself a trophy for first place of the second place.
Oh, that's actually another part. We went on Coach Harbaugh's podcast after.
And you remember this, PFT, because we...

Speaker 1 I think he brought up rugby.

Speaker 1 And I was like, yeah, USA is awesome. We finished second.
And he started asking me questions about rugby. I was like, it's kind of a passion of mine.

Speaker 1 And it was just, you just looked at me like, you motherfucker.

Speaker 1 No, it was. It was a fun weekend, but I do, I'm going through that experience right now where I'm finding different parts in my body that I didn't even know existed that are now sore.

Speaker 1 Like, I have, I have abs somewhere underneath all this fat, and all these abs are somehow all

Speaker 1 of the turbine culture. Because I go, dude, you want to see my stomach? No, you're not fat.
We don't have to keep this.

Speaker 1 Look at that right there. That's just a tum tum.

Speaker 1 That's a little tum tum. Okay, well, my tum tum is sore.
My tum tum is very sore today.

Speaker 1 It was fun. I'm just, I'm very excited that I did not get concussed.
Correct. Or break any bones.
Correct. That you know of.
That is a fucking victory for me. Yes.
I don't know if my dick works yet.

Speaker 1 No, you texted us on late Saturday night. You're like, didn't get hurt.
Didn't get hurt. Congrats.
Yeah, I didn't tell you about

Speaker 1 what I did in the game. If we won or lost, I'm just like, not hurt.
It's a very relatable thing once you get past 30 where it's like anytime you do a sport, it's not wins and losses.

Speaker 1 It's did you get hurt? And if you didn't, then you won. Also, big news coming out of the weekend.
Actually, this is probably the biggest news. Baker Mayfield drank a beer fast.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Shotgunned it with his teeth. With his teeth.
Yes. Just bit right into it.
I've never tried doing it. Little Hezzy Hay.
Yeah. Where he sipped one and we're like, no, Baker, you got to do it for real.

Speaker 1 Then boom. He owns Cleveland.
Yes. Just being in Cleveland last week and being on his RV, that town is Bakerstown.
Yeah. It's pretty sick.
I almost called him Blaker, by the way.

Speaker 1 He's definitely not a Blake. No, he's not.
That doesn't mean that we don't like him. It just means he's as far from a Blake as he can get.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 he's

Speaker 1 probably a little too competitive. He's a Travis.
Yeah. Although, Blake Griffin, did you see him being wet from three? Yeah, that's pretty good.
He put out that.

Speaker 1 I don't know what it is about that court where every NBA player goes and plays in New York City. I think those rims might be too big.
Very freaking big. Everyone hits every shot.
Very soft rims.

Speaker 1 I got to play up there. Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's also the Hall of Fame.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Hats off to whoever made Ed Reed's bust because holy shit. Amazing.
They should have him working on. I need Ed Reed bust holograms when I go places.

Speaker 1 Best bust by far ever, I think, with his hair and the beard. This one's a couple of times.
Shots fired at Philip Rivers. He has some pretty good ones.
He does have nine very good ones.

Speaker 1 So yeah, Ed Reed, it was awesome just reading the stories about Ed Reed and Champ Bailey. I actually have a take here.

Speaker 1 Tony Gonzalez, he has the ultimate unfortunate timing for a tight end because he was the greatest tight end of all time.

Speaker 1 And then Gronk came along and the tight end position has completely changed where tight ends are basically wide receivers now.

Speaker 1 And I'm not saying that he gets lost in the shuffle, but doesn't it feel like

Speaker 1 if we, you know, in 2011, it was a no-brainer Tony Gonzalez's best tight end of all time to have someone come in right at the tail end of his career and be better than him. That's got to suck.

Speaker 1 I mean, there are a few players out there like Gates and Gronk. Right.
I would say, like, yeah.

Speaker 1 Right, and he was like, there were some new tight ends that might even eclipse what he did in terms of at least the stats.

Speaker 1 But when he was starting to play, there was no, that position didn't exist in its current form. Right.
And then everyone forgot about Kevin Mawai. There were a lot of tweets.

Speaker 1 They were like, check out these guys, Champ Bailey, Tony Gonzalez, Ed Reed. Who was the other one who was on there?

Speaker 1 There was an old guy, right? Well, Kevin Mawai was Bowlin, the Broncos owner. Yeah, there was someone else.
Fuck. I already forgot.
But yeah, I love seeing Berman up there.

Speaker 1 He now is the MC for forever in Canton, which is great. And yeah, it was cool.
I mean, the Hall of Fame, the speeches, I tuned in for a little bit of it.

Speaker 1 They're all kind of the same, but it's still cool to just see these guys

Speaker 1 reach this point and put on that gold jacket. By the way, NFL having gold jackets just trumps everyone else.
Yeah, it's really good. You can't one-up the gold jacket.
No, you cannot.

Speaker 1 Hank, were you, how did you feel about Kevin Mawai kind of emasculating the Jets by thanking Coach Belichick for making him so great? Love it. That was that, you have to,

Speaker 1 you have to feel pretty embarrassed if you're the Jets, and and one of your best player gets up there and he thanks his rival's coach for making him better before he thanks any of his own coaches, which I don't know if he even thanked his own coach.

Speaker 1 That might be totally made up, but I'm going to run with it because this is a take that I'm just shooting right now. Ty Law.
Yeah, yeah. Tyler was the other guy.
Tyler was the other guy.

Speaker 1 But yeah, yeah, Kevin Wai was like, I want to thank Bill Belichick. Playing against him coached me up to be the best player that I could ever be.
There you go. Yeah.
But it was.

Speaker 1 This is why you don't want to hire a good coach, by the way, because he'll make your other, your opponent's best players better.

Speaker 1 Watching the Hall of Fame induction made me, for a brief moment, think that Chris Carter, when he said he'd rather be in the Hall of Fame than have a Super Bowl ring, might have been on to something.

Speaker 1 And then as soon as the season starts, I'm like, nah, Super Bowl ring. The thing about a Hall of Famer is you get that speech, and in that speech, you are the only man on earth.
Correct.

Speaker 1 You are the biggest man there is. You're the Alpha's Alpha.
Correct. For 25 to

Speaker 1 an hour and a half, if you're Ray Lewis and you're just going on about child trafficking away. He was.

Speaker 1 But yeah, you are the only man on earth for that speech. And then afterwards, I feel like it's just like a big drop-off.
Yeah. You have to watch other men talk about.

Speaker 1 And you have to then go every year and sit in your gold jacket and bake in the sun in those leather chairs just so everyone's like, oh, yeah, he's a Hall of Famer.

Speaker 1 Yeah, watch another man unveil his bust.

Speaker 1 Pretty sus. Let's go to Who's Back a Week.
Before we do that, barstoolgold.com/slash PMT. We have a new episode, bonus episode coming Thursday.

Speaker 1 Dom Brown, defensive coordinator for Michigan, is on the episode. The guy who created Be a Dude.
So

Speaker 1 we went through the origin of Be a Dude. It actually started as Be a Guy.
But then

Speaker 1 he's the Dude Father. Yes, he's the Dude Father.
We also are going to do a little something special for all of our gold listeners and subscribers. We're going to do a mailbag.

Speaker 1 So if you have questions, PMTIntern at barstoolsports.com. We're probably going to record it tomorrow afternoon.

Speaker 1 So email us. Email us questions, anything you want to ask.

Speaker 1 PMT intern at barstoolsports.com. That's the Barstool Gold episode coming Thursday.
We'll answer those questions on the episode. It's an AMA, basically.
Yeah, pretty much.

Speaker 1 We're tailoring it for people who have even been kicked off of Reddit. So this is your only chance.
There we go. All right, Hank, who's back?

Speaker 1 Who's back is Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr.

Speaker 1 Good. He signed a two-year extension.
He's 42 years old. Did you wish him a happy birthday?

Speaker 1 No. Wow.
I don't know him personally. I feel like it's kind of a clown move to wish someone a birthday.
Tom, if you're listening, which I'm sure you are, happy birthday. Okay.

Speaker 1 I've wanted to to wait until we're on a personal level.

Speaker 1 Okay. I feel like

Speaker 1 you're listening to the show. Julian, yeah.
Play this part for Tom. Pause your hype video, Julian, and then go.
Put your shirt on.

Speaker 1 Go knock on Tom's door. Tell him Hank has a message.
So this is going to be the first time. No, take your shirt back off.
First year in his 20 years that he's making $20 million.

Speaker 1 First.

Speaker 1 There is... We're going to do the Mount Rushmore of things we don't understand.
I think Tom Brady's contract is one of those things.

Speaker 1 Every year it makes no sense. Like, yeah, he's a little bit more.
Well, usually you're taking less. He takes a pay cut every year.
But then he gets paid. I would love for someone to explain.

Speaker 1 It's almost like the U.S. women's soccer team.
Like, how much does he actually make every single year?

Speaker 1 Well, see, he converts a lot of it into a signing bonus sometimes. Right.
But it helps.

Speaker 1 Like, this is the Tom Brady model that every team should follow, which is get a quarterback whose wife is a supermodel. So he doesn't have to.

Speaker 1 He doesn't have to worry about making an extra $3 million each year. Right, right.
So signed to how long of an extension?

Speaker 1 It's a two-year extension through the 2021 season, and it will pay him $23 million this year, an $8 million dollar boost over what he was scheduled to make and somehow that helps with the cap situation increasing cap space that's another one he's got a big head the nfl salary cap yeah definitely don't get it uh me being washed up is also back i know last week we talked about me getting my first two-day hangover yeah yesterday i played in a whiff ball tournament and lost to kids that were like eight eight years younger than me way younger shout out to ryan and thomas connor but that alone by the way Yeah, shout out Ryan and Thomas Connor.

Speaker 1 Shout out. That alone, you saying.
I told them when they beat me, I was like, you guys, give us a shout out, out, give us a shout out. Wait, there's a shout-out.
I was like,

Speaker 1 I was like, you got to win the whole thing, and they did. Tommy and Ryrai.
Yep.

Speaker 1 You saying they're eight years younger, my initial reaction was like, Hank, you lost the 14-year-olds? And I was like, wait, Hank's 26. Yeah.
Fuck.

Speaker 1 And then afterwards, I played like pool, basketball, and spike ball, and I woke up today. Like, I couldn't move.
Yep. That's why you just got to do nothing.
Yeah. It's tough.

Speaker 1 I recommend kids.

Speaker 1 It wasn't until 26 where I was like, oh, shit. Like, everything's, everything's.

Speaker 1 I'm feeling older. It's all hitting me fast.
Can I suggest one of those copper fit bracelets that Brett Favre uses? I actually have these. You see these bracelets?

Speaker 1 These are good luck Himalayan bracelets because I was doing so bad in gambling.

Speaker 1 No, it has not, but gotta try anything before football season.

Speaker 1 Okay, yeah, well, they're Himalayan. They're Himalayan.
I think they wear them when they walk up Mount Everest. Oh, yeah, that's been very good luck.
Yeah, exactly. Really good luck.
That's it.

Speaker 1 And that's it. All right, PFT, what do you got? My Who's Back of the Week is Colt McCoy.
Oh, Colt McCoy's back because the R Words just released their quarterback depth chart.

Speaker 1 You recall this offseason, they not only signed, well, they drafted Dwayne Haskins in the first round, and then they brought in the guy from Denver whose name is so boring and whose game is so boring.

Speaker 1 I don't even want to say it, but his name is Case Keenum, and they're paying him a lot of money too.

Speaker 1 And Colt McCoy is now at the top of the Washington R Words death chart for the cool match, which is a huge mistake for Jay Gruden because Colt McCoy,

Speaker 1 Jay Gruden wouldn't be where he is right now without Colt McCoy, because McCoy is the ultimate quarterback to have as your backup.

Speaker 1 And then when he comes in because of an injury, he wins 40% of his games and then gets injured.

Speaker 1 And then, yeah, but then everybody's like, oh, Coach Gruden won 40% of his games with Colt McCoy as the starting quarterback. Right.
We got to keep him around. This guy's got magic in a bottle here.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, so Colt McCoy is back. He's like the less sexy version of Ryan Fitzpatrick.
He pops up every couple of years, has a good game.

Speaker 1 He's like Ryan Fitzpatrick if he was cleaned up for like a job interview or something like that. Yeah, clean-shaven.
Clean-shaven. Yeah.
Ryan Fitzpatrick. So, yeah, Colt McCoy is back, though.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Is that it? Yeah, I'm just doing one. All right.
I got who's back of the week? Lala videos. I don't know if you guys saw all the Lala videos this weekend, but holy shit, security was not great.

Speaker 1 And essentially, every teenager in the Midwest figured out that they can just bum rush gates and get in for free. It looked like madness.
Absolute madness.

Speaker 1 I blame the organizer of the Area 51 thing for just convincing people everywhere. Get a big group and run through a fence.

Speaker 1 Some of these kids were jumping fences and I was just shocked by their athleticism. Because every time I've jumped a fence in my life, I'm like, this is going to be a broken ankle at some point.

Speaker 1 So every group of friends has the one guy that's really good at climbing. Yes.

Speaker 1 Like maybe wasn't the best athlete at like conventional sports back in high school, but for some reason, if there's like a big tree around him. Climb a tree guy, yeah.

Speaker 1 The guy will get to the top of the tree in five seconds. Right.
This is like, this is his Super Bowl right here. He's climbing the Lala fence.
Yes.

Speaker 1 But then they would just bum rush the fence and it would all fall over. And then there would be one, like, maybe a little overweight kid who got caught by the cops.
And I always felt for that kid.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's too bad. That sucked a lot.
Well, that's great for the cops. It was a kid with one leg.
Yeah, but then he got let in. Oh, really? Yeah, it was like this.
It was such a 2019 story.

Speaker 1 I think some rapper let him in for like VIP the next day, which is so perfect. But yeah, I mean, that's a perfect move if you're an out-of-shape police officer and you see everyone

Speaker 1 like rushing through a fence. You're like, well, I got to get one.
So it's like a hyena picking off the weakest of, like, going after the biggest kid out there. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, the crazy thing is they'd grab one and they'd hold that one while kids just ran right by it. He'd be like, we got him.

Speaker 1 This guy's ringing later. He'll tell us how they got through this fence, even though we just watched him bum rush it.

Speaker 1 Also, the Cubs are back because they only win games at home and they swept the brewers. Sorry, Christian Yelich.

Speaker 1 All right. Also, who's back of the week? Sam Decker.
Yes. Sam Decker signed a contract with Loco.

Speaker 1 Locomotive Coubon. I love it.
I think they're Moscow-based, and yeah, he signed a lucrative deal.

Speaker 1 Decker Watch is over. Decker Watch is over.
And I think the what's the hashtag? Go Loco? Yeah, I think it's Go Loco. I'm going to change it.
I think we are for Loco. F-O-R.
We are for Loco.

Speaker 1 The thing that I like about European teams like this, I was looking it up. I'm pretty sure there's a soccer team that has the same name.
So they basically make it as easy as possible. I like it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's very nice. So

Speaker 1 it'd be like if the, if, yeah, like Pittsburgh, but the Penguins and the Pirates were also the Steelers. I think the city of Pittsburgh would actually go for that.
It would 100%. Yes.

Speaker 1 Just so they could be like, go Stillers. Go Stillers.
Stellar's.

Speaker 1 Okay. Who's our Mount Rushmore? Things we don't understand.
Mount Rushmore of Things You Don't Understand.

Speaker 1 This one will be good because we'll probably get a lot of people with things that we miss because there's a lot of things we don't understand. We're not very smart guys.

Speaker 1 Who's first?

Speaker 1 Here's something: the snake draft. Yeah.
I think it's you, PFT. I go first on Mondays? Yeah, because I think I go first on Fridays, so I go last on Mondays.
Okay. Yes.

Speaker 1 All right, that's a lot of pressure for the very first one. My first pick is going to be

Speaker 1 math.

Speaker 1 Just math in general. Okay.
PEMDAS. Good one.
PEMDAS. My order of operations.
I get that one. Well, I don't.
Parentheses, exponent,

Speaker 1 multiplication, division, addition, subtraction. Okay.
Okay, so that's the one thing I understand about math, and it's letters. It's letters.
It's not numbers. I had calculus on there, so I agree.

Speaker 1 Okay. There's a lot of shit.
There's a lot of shit that I don't understand.

Speaker 1 I was so bad at math, I never even saw the word calculus on any syllable I ever had. Same.
Never even. I don't even know what calculus.
I don't even know what calculus is. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I just know it's way beyond my frame of reference. I've never been in the same room as calculus.
No.

Speaker 1 I did one day of calculus in college, dropped it immediately. Was it by accident? No, it was like, I was like, oh, like, you did algebra in high school.
You're supposed to do calculus.

Speaker 1 It might have been pre-calculus. Yeah.
Whatever it was. I was in it for a day.
I was like, no,

Speaker 1 this is not it.

Speaker 1 You do algebra in high school and then you quit math. Yeah, I did algebra two twice.
I did a sequel to

Speaker 1 a sequel. sequel.
Right. Yeah, math.
Fuck math. My number one will be how airplanes stay in the air.
Okay, go to the bottom.

Speaker 1 Magic. Thrust.
Wishes.

Speaker 1 People usually just say thrust.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 I honestly think I could fly an airplane. That's one of the fantasies that I've had.

Speaker 1 If the pilot becomes incapacitated during the flight. Yeah, you could turn it.
And then the

Speaker 1 flight attendant

Speaker 1 gets on the PA system and goes, does anybody here know how to fly a plane? Nobody does.

Speaker 1 If it goes for like longer than 10 seconds without people raising their hands, I'm going to raise my hand and be like, I have flown numerous flight simulators. I played the Top Gun video game.

Speaker 1 I've seen Top Gun like 10 times.

Speaker 1 I think I could get the plane just go close to landing.

Speaker 1 You go back on the thruster while also going down on the altitude slowly. Yes.
Well,

Speaker 1 your thrust controls your height. Correct.
So I need to turn my thrust up a little bit.

Speaker 1 But yeah, they would probably just kick me out of the cockpit because I would say too many Top Gun quotes and laugh about it. Remember to lower the wheels.

Speaker 1 That's one that people, a lot of people forget that. I would say like permission to buzz the tower like nine times.
And it'd be like, sir, there are 300 people on board. Please just land the plane.

Speaker 1 It'd be like Rubbins Racing. Two

Speaker 1 Tom Cruise movies. Switching to guns.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 So I have two here. I'll go with first one, the dark web.
Do not understand the dark web whatsoever.

Speaker 1 A couple people have tried to explain it to me. Still don't get it.
I just know that we swim at the very, very, we swim in like the top six inches of the web. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And there's, it goes a thousand leagues under the sea. Yeah, we're, we're dark web adjacent.
Yeah. No, I don't even think so.
We're above it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but I don't think we would be, I think there's a whole web in between us and the dark web. I know that the word Tor is involved somehow.
Yeah, and VPNs, and you got to be on 4chan.

Speaker 1 But this right now, I'm scaring my 4chan. We're just saying it.
Just code in general. Like people that they write code and then that somehow looks like a website.
It's crazy. It's fucking crazy.

Speaker 1 It is weird. I'm just going to type a bunch of letters.
Internet slashes. It's math.

Speaker 1 It's basically

Speaker 1 an extension of math just without numbers. It's fucking crazy.
All right. My second pick is going to be what is a catch in the NFL.
Still don't understand. I had that too.

Speaker 1 Still don't understand what a catch in the NFL is. I feel like it's getting more confusing, not less confusing.
And yeah,

Speaker 1 someday I think we'll get it. You have to make a football act.

Speaker 1 And do you even anymore? You're a game of football.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, hey, if Zach Miller can break a leg in the Saints end zone and his broken leg lay on the ground for three seconds and still not have to be a catch,

Speaker 1 I will never understand it. He should have carried the ball out of the hospital in the wheelchair with him.
All right, Hank, your pick. I will go with

Speaker 1 how languages and words get invented. Really? Even after our interview with the guy that invents them? Hank, I had this one too.
Just how many...

Speaker 1 How did all of them get created? Right. How did one person speak one thing and then two miles down the road someone else speaking something totally different? Yeah, it's fucking wild.

Speaker 1 It is interesting like if the first caveman to make a noise and he's like rock and the other caveman is like no idea. What did you just say? I don't get it.
No idea.

Speaker 1 And the first people in this caveman and the first people that became bilingual. Yeah.
Like how did they learn to translate what other people say? To each other. Yeah.
You know what?

Speaker 1 Probably through love. Yeah, I was about to say, I think universal language.
I think the first languages, like some of the first words ever uttered, were just like, hey, you want to fuck?

Speaker 1 Yeah, or I'm horny. Yeah, let's fuck.
Yeah, that's pretty much how it happened. Uh-huh.
All right. Had to be.
PFT, you have two. Okay.

Speaker 1 So for my two, I'm going to go with the NBA salary cap, trades, and contract designations. Okay.
I feel like Wodes just makes up some of them.

Speaker 1 Like once every couple weeks, he'll just make up a new term and throw it out there just so people will pretend that they get what he's talking about.

Speaker 1 There are way too many of them, and my brain is way too small to understand them.

Speaker 1 My next one is why Drake is cool. Who? I don't get why.
Drake puts out bangers. I don't get why Drake is popping.
I don't really like his music. No offense, Drake.
Really? No offense. Yikes.

Speaker 1 Not a Drake guy. Really? Yeah.
Never listen to him. Like, you've never listened to Drake.
I don't think he's a talented rapper. You didn't listen to his new album this weekend? Of course not.

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm not a Drake stan, but he has some fucking fire songs. They're all slow.
No. He's low-T.
Drake is very low-T. Okay.

Speaker 1 He got an emotional guy. That's all right.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's fun. I'm a guys guy.
But he's got some bangers, too. Yeah, I mean, he's got some certified.

Speaker 1 Give me two bangers. Name two bangers by Drake.
I mean, what? On one? On one?

Speaker 1 What about the last one that he released last winter? One dance. Or Nice for What? That was fucking awesome.
Songs without one in them.

Speaker 1 Nice for what? Nice for what? Nice for what was great. But I don't think he's a good rapper.
He does the thing where he rhymes the same word with the same word a lot. He's kind of slow.
He mumbles.

Speaker 1 He's got low T. Actually, he's kind of like me.
What about God's Plan?

Speaker 1 Me and Drake have a lot in common now that I'm saying. God's Plan, dude.
God's Plan? Keeps it going. I only like my mom in my bed.
I'm so what song is that? God's plan. Okay, I like God's plan.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you like Drake. His one banger.
I don't understand why he's Drake. All right.

Speaker 1 Hank, your pick. Jimmy from Degrassi.
You also never saw a degrassi. Great show.

Speaker 1 Definitely never saw Degrassi. Traffic.
Traffic. Where does it start? Where does it start? Where does it end? Got it.
Why, like, where does it start? Too many cars. Ultimately.

Speaker 1 Ultimately, but if you're driving straight, like how I just don't get it. I don't get it.
How traffic forms? No, I agree with you on that one, Hank.

Speaker 1 It's just too many people driving at once. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Where does it start? Once there are too many people on the road. So there are different points where people can enter the road, and then when a lot of people enter at the same time,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't get it. Yeah.
Yeah. Thank you.
Okay, we agree.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go with, so I have my last two.

Speaker 1 I don't understand

Speaker 1 why people don't like the dab. I never never will understand that.
It seems like something that's just so innocent and fun, but people hate the dab. So I don't understand why people hate the dab.

Speaker 1 And then my last one is going to be.

Speaker 1 I still don't understand Bitcoin. I don't think I'll ever understand Bitcoin.
I don't understand the blockchain.

Speaker 1 When people say Bitcoin takes up more energy than like all of Iceland, that makes no sense to me.

Speaker 1 How does that how? My understanding is that in order to make Bitcoins, they mine them. In order to make a Bitcoin, you have to verify other Bitcoins.
Right. But how? So it takes electricity.

Speaker 1 It's the whole thing is just so confusing to me. And then all the other alternate coins and just everything.

Speaker 1 I mean, I own Bitcoin because I didn't, it was a total FOMO thing, and I bought it at its peak. I think I bought it at like $14,000.
Yeah, that's a good investment.

Speaker 1 Yeah, a really good investment, but I will never understand Bitcoin. I'm just hoping that at some point

Speaker 1 they'll be like, hey, you're a millionaire because you bought Bitcoin. Yeah.
Well, that's the thing about stocks like Dez.

Speaker 1 Like, you might as well buy them just in case they shoot way, way, way, way, way up. Yeah, I mean, the stock market in general is something that no one understands.
Right.

Speaker 1 It's just we could just say the economy. People just push papers around and then money gets paid.
But what I don't get about Bitcoin is...

Speaker 1 In theory, as computers get better, it'll get easier to make new Bitcoins or gain new Bitcoins. So wouldn't the price go down? And then is everyone going to have Bitcoin eventually?

Speaker 1 And then how do you also lose your Bitcoin? You just can't log in and then boom, your Bitcoin's gone?

Speaker 1 I've heard so many stories about people accidentally tipping pizza drivers too much in Bitcoin that I feel like the best move is actually to just become a pizza delivery driver and just hopefully until

Speaker 1 you get tipped in Bitcoin. Yeah, that's true.
That is actually the new. That's the new Bitcoin.
Those are the new billionaires.

Speaker 1 Okay, Hank, your last pick.

Speaker 1 This is tough.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 I'll keep it simple. I don't understand taxes.

Speaker 1 I don't understand why taxes come out of my paycheck every week and it's it's like oh you're getting like half your money and then at the end of the year you have to pay more taxes yep i don't get why it's like we're gonna take taxes out of your paycheck but then at the end of the year you have to pay more taxes well

Speaker 1 did you actually pay taxes this year i'm on a delay okay

Speaker 1 we're on a delay no we're in october we're an october 15th podcast that's for sure you probably are gonna get money back That's exciting. For the last six years that you haven't paid them.

Speaker 1 No, I didn't last.

Speaker 1 You didn't do your taxes at the worst possible time. Like when you would have gotten money back.

Speaker 1 And now you're going to reach a point where you start making money and you're going to have to pay more taxes. That sucks.
But why does it come out of your paycheck still?

Speaker 1 Because that's Medicare and all that shit. So

Speaker 1 they want to make sure that you pay enough.

Speaker 1 State.

Speaker 1 Yeah, state, local, municipal, income, death tax, all the taxes. All the tax, every one of them.
They tax everything. But you should...
Sugar, sugar tax. Alcohol, sin,

Speaker 1 everything gets taxed these days. Or you could just become a church.
Yeah, you become a church.

Speaker 1 People pay you. Yeah.
Nonprofits, that's another one. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Non-profit should. We should start a non-profit.
Like the NFL is a non-profit organization, but they make $10 billion a year. They get donations.
Yeah. What does that mean? People give them money.

Speaker 1 Who?

Speaker 1 Philanthropists.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? We don't get them. No, I agree.
I agree. I agree.
That's what happens. Rich people that feel bad about being rich.
What does non-profit mean? They don't make a profit. But they do.

Speaker 1 That's why they don't have to pay Roger Goodell $700 million a year. Yeah, the NFL does.
Well, to even out their balance sheet. The NFL used to be a non-profit.

Speaker 1 I think they recently changed, but yeah. Oh, it was pretty hilarious that they were a non-profit and it was just like,

Speaker 1 we donated all this money to Commissioner Goodell for sucking.

Speaker 1 Off the side of that, I still don't understand how people balance their checkbook. Those people are crazy.

Speaker 1 Like online,

Speaker 1 I don't know. No, old people do it.
I don't know where to go. I'm not balancing my checkbook means.
I have no idea. No idea.

Speaker 1 I just know that once a month, oh, that's the email that I get from Bank of America that says you have

Speaker 1 to balance your check. You have low funds in your debit debit account.
Please balance your check. That's Bank of America balancing it for me.
Yeah. All right, PFT, your last pick.

Speaker 1 Okay, my last pick is going to be,

Speaker 1 I'm going to go with the rules to craps in a casino. Okay.
So I've learned craps

Speaker 1 every time, probably six or seven times that I've been to a casino, and I've forgotten it instantly. The next morning I wake up.
I don't know how.

Speaker 1 I have very selective amnesia, and it just is whenever I'm around a craps table. It's the fastest way to lose money.
Every single time. I've heard it.
And it's the fastest way to make money.

Speaker 1 It is, but then you lose it all. It's very exciting, though.
Yeah, because you start everyone around you. You feel like a rock star when you get dice in your hand.

Speaker 1 And you start making money and you're like people crushing it in your hands. And then one roll and you're like, well, there goes all my money.
Yeah. I just know there's a come line.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Bubba, do you have... Bubba said he had a list of things that he keeps of things he doesn't understand.
We're going to make him read it for honorable mentions.

Speaker 1 I have a couple honorable mentions as well. How coaches don't foul up three under 10 seconds.

Speaker 1 That one makes no sense. I've got people who get turned on by feet.
Yes. Foot fetters, guys.
I don't get that one at all. The Met Gala, don't understand what it is.
It's like a non-profit for fashion.

Speaker 1 Yeah, pretty much. Magnets.
How do they work? In general. But like, that's saying Clown Capassey.
Like, people made fun of him for that, but that's an important question. It is.

Speaker 1 Like, how do magnets work? I don't know. I just.
Neither do you put a piece of metal next to something and it sticks to it. And is there a big, there's a big one in the North Pole?

Speaker 1 Seems like magic to me. Makes no sense.
Seems like wizardry. A lot of hair grow where it grows.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 That's a good one.

Speaker 1 Cruise ships, aircraft carriers. You want to talk about planes? Like, how the fuck does all that metal just

Speaker 1 sitting in the middle of the ocean?

Speaker 1 People just say buoyancy. I'm like, okay, cool.
But, like, that's so much shit that just sitting in the middle of the ocean. Two words.
Water displacement. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 As a guy that's seen Top Gun many times, I know a lot about aircraft carriers.

Speaker 1 Why don't they build the whole plane out of the little black box? True. And also, it's younger brother.
How come you park in a driveway and drive in a parkway? That one's good. Classic jokes.

Speaker 1 Why can't we get a new college football game?

Speaker 1 What do you mean? Like, why can't what we can do? Oh, video game. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Video game. Yeah, yeah.
Why can't we get it? Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 They even did a tease, a cock tease, in the new Madden where you get to play the semifinal in the championship. Ado Bannon is the reason.
Yeah, but someone figure it out.

Speaker 1 It feels like that's one of those ones. Like, the day after the Super Bowl should be a holiday.
Yeah. We should just have a new college football game.
How about this? Here's a good one.

Speaker 1 If I ever get the coats of that, holy shit. You take fucking high thinking about it.
What's the casino? The casinos in Grand Theft Auto? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Why don't they just have an arcade in Grand Theft Auto, and on the game, you get to play the new NCAA football? Right. I was thinking, why don't they just do the last one and just keep updating it?

Speaker 1 And it's just total new. It's a new game, but it's under the 2014 game.
Another one I had was the different tournaments in British soccer and which one means which. Oh, I know those.

Speaker 1 I don't get that one. I know.
I don't care to know. By the way, Swans are back.
They won their first game.

Speaker 1 I have the ending to the Sopranos, where it just cuts to black as Tony's about to get shot, but maybe not shot. Yeah, we get killed.
Go get that one. The plot of the movie Memento.
Yeah. Yep.

Speaker 1 And Interstellar. What happened to Brendan Frazier? He's still around.
But like, what happened to him? I read an article. It just, what happened to him? He just kind of, he was the guy.

Speaker 1 I think he's one of those guys that was like, I made a lot of money, so I'm fine. No, I think he's a brokepole making that street meme cast.
No, he got a divorce. He's like broke as shit.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 What happened to him? Like, he was great. I don't know.
Whoever divorced Bryn Fraser? Like, that guy should still be around. He should still be doing shit.

Speaker 1 How come LeBron James has never had a serious injury despite playing so many games at such a large size?

Speaker 1 Interesting. Also, how come LeBron James gets excited about when his kid is good at stuff? Hmm.
Interesting. I don't think we'll ever know the answer to that one.
Nope.

Speaker 1 Probably

Speaker 1 he's a narcissist. Probably, yeah.

Speaker 1 And he's just excited because it's his name. Yeah.
All right, Bubba, give us your list.

Speaker 1 Kombucha.

Speaker 1 Oh, good one.

Speaker 1 Who the fuck knows about that?

Speaker 4 I've had people explain it to me, too, and it makes me more confused.

Speaker 1 That's just a classic case of one person said this is good for you and will make you shit out all the pounds, and then everyone drinks it.

Speaker 1 Also, if there's something that you can brew yourself in your own home, then people will try it and then they'll pretend to get really into it because they can make it themselves.

Speaker 1 It's also one of those things where I'm convinced there's a list of things that just start on the West Coast as pranks to see if everyone else will do it. And that's one of them.
That's it.

Speaker 1 They're like, we'll just start saying kombucha's good and watch these fucking idiots in the rest of the country.

Speaker 1 We'll just pay way too much for this shitty tea while we're not even drinking it ourselves. That's the stuff that puts good bacteria in your butt, right? Who knows? Who knows? Almond milk? Also,

Speaker 1 okay. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. Almonds don't have nipples.
Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 4 The words where it's like it's two different words, but it's like the same word. Like it's spelled the same way.

Speaker 1 Homophones. But there's homonyms.
Like homonyms. Content and content.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
That's just the language.

Speaker 1 Like read and red. Yep.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 Or like lead and

Speaker 1 they're, there, and there.

Speaker 1 I have trouble with that one too. Your and your.
Uh, batteries.

Speaker 1 Okay. Um.

Speaker 1 Call. Yeah, that's a good one.

Speaker 1 Are you allowed to throw away batteries in the trash? Yeah, you can now. Okay, good.

Speaker 1 That and propane. They've recently allowed you to do that.
You can just throw batteries into a river too. That usually works.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and like S D cards, they're like so tiny and they hold like like every anchor talking about this, It's like hours worth of footage. Yeah.
And it's like a tiny piece of plastic.

Speaker 1 It's like the universe. Yeah.
I don't get it. Yeah, the universe no one gets.
Okay. What about the explanation that the creator of the matrix gives to Keanu Reeves in The Matrix?

Speaker 1 That whole thing. That's wild.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Oh,

Speaker 1 why is Big Bang theory popular, but arrested development wasn't... didn't last on TV? Good question.
Big Bang Theory. That one makes no sense.

Speaker 1 Also, and I might get heat on the the internet streets for this. How I Met Your Mother was never really a fan.
I think it was actually okay, but I never watched it. Yeah, exactly.
That's the thing.

Speaker 1 But I think it was okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I'm going to say it was decent.
Okay. I never saw a full episode.
Decent. People like Patrick Harris.
Yeah, what about young Sheldon?

Speaker 1 Who's that? That's the guy from Big Bang Theory, but they made like a prequel. Oh, okay, yeah.

Speaker 1 I guess Sheldon was very popular, so they decided to spin it off. I don't, yeah, I definitely don't understand Big Bang Bang Theory at all.

Speaker 1 Okay, also, remember Family Guy got taken off TV for a while and then it had to be brought back? Uh-huh. That one made no sense because it's too offensive.
No, but it was.

Speaker 1 I remember when Family Guy first came out, you just had to watch it on DVDs because you're like, oh, yeah, it was on TV and then they just took it off.

Speaker 1 That, along with like the poster of the kiss and the poster of Belushi wearing the college sweatshirt, those were must-have. That was freshman year starter pack at college.
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 And a Boondock Saints TV. And Ninja Turtles Pizza.
Yes.

Speaker 1 If you know, you know.

Speaker 1 All right. Should we get to our interview with...
So a lot of questions. People tweet us whatever you don't understand.
Hopefully we can learn some things.

Speaker 1 Don't be the guy who's like, hey, actually, this is how planes stay in the air. Come on, man.
You don't know. You don't know that.
You don't fucking know.

Speaker 1 I'm thinking of you right now. Like, you're, you probably went to pilot school and you learned all this shit.
Maybe you're an engineer.

Speaker 1 You pretend you know, but at the end of the day, deep down, you have no idea. You don't know.
We are onto your game, Harrison Sword. Fuck you, dude.
You do not know.

Speaker 1 Even the pilots that are up in the cockpit, they're just like, the whole time the airplane's going, they're like, what the fuck? They pray the whole time. What the hell? Let's hope this works.

Speaker 1 Before we get to Jim Harbaugh. Hey, it's PFT here, reminding you that Boarshead makes game day entertaining elevated and effortless.

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Okay, here he is, Coach Jim Harbaugh.

Speaker 1 We now welcome on a recurring guest, friend of the program. It is Coach Jim Harbaugh.
We are in Ann Arbor. We're at his golf tournament.

Speaker 1 It's training camp. It's about, it's our training camp week.
So we're doing a training camp tour. And you haven't opened camp yet, but let's start there.

Speaker 1 What is your favorite part of having the team back together and training camp starting?

Speaker 1 The favorite part is

Speaker 1 the smell of the grass, the fresh-cut grass when you come out in the morning, the sun rising,

Speaker 1 the cleats clanking on the cement.

Speaker 1 As they walk to the field? It's a rebirth. Yeah.
There's people that think of January 1st as being the start of the new year.

Speaker 1 People that have espoused Christianity, Catholicism, talk about the birth of Christ. We talk about training camp.
I love it. The first day.

Speaker 1 Day one of training camp. That's the rebirth.
That's coming out of the womb. Yeah.
It's nice in there. It's nice and warm, yeah.
Warm and

Speaker 1 dark and cozy. Now you're in the real world.
Boom. Out into the out into the light.

Speaker 1 Out into the chaos. Even you

Speaker 1 talking about it, you started to sit up a little bit and like. People are a little more, yeah, a little more excited.
Yeah, right, exactly. Everybody's, oh no, it's a brand new season.

Speaker 1 Anything could happen from that point forward.

Speaker 1 And we've talked to a lot of football coaches, and it's funny because when we ask them about training camp and what they get excited about, they hardly ever say anything like visual to us.

Speaker 1 It's usually like what you said, the smell of the grass, the sound of the cleats.

Speaker 1 Doug Marone was saying the sound of the pads hitting. each other.
Like it's all this other stuff besides just like what you're looking at. It seems like a very cool time of year for you as a coach.

Speaker 1 Going into camp, like when you hear coaches say every spot's up for competition. Is that true?

Speaker 1 Or is there like there have to be some guys that you know are going to take certain positions, but like how many of these positions are truly, truly up for grabs?

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 there's some like

Speaker 1 take our offensive line.

Speaker 1 They're pretty cemented. The left tackle, the left guard, Ben Bredeson, Runyon, Cesar Rees,

Speaker 1 Michael Wayne, he's the right guard. So there's, I mean, there's been a true.

Speaker 1 competition going on for the right tackle, Jalen Mayfield and Andrew Stuber,

Speaker 1 and both have treated it as such over the entire summer. So there's an example of

Speaker 1 there,

Speaker 1 you still got to come in, you got to be healthy, you got to play well,

Speaker 1 you got to do your job.

Speaker 1 But that's the one starting offensive line position that's truly

Speaker 1 a true battle. Yeah, so year five, this is the year five for you at Michigan.

Speaker 1 You're kind of in a weird spot because you have brought Michigan back to relevancy and maybe a little dark ages for a while there in the last decade or so, but not all the way.

Speaker 1 You haven't gotten all the way to winning a Big Ten title.

Speaker 1 Do you hear any outside noise? Do you feel any pressure from people saying, hey, are they going to win a Big Ten title? Are they going to get into the college playoffs? All that stuff?

Speaker 1 The pressure of,

Speaker 1 we look at it as a challenge.

Speaker 1 My daughter Katie was working on a little project this morning, and it was

Speaker 1 asked for the definition of a bold beginning.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 she starts writing, and the example was like an elephant charging or something like that.

Speaker 1 I go, it's like your papa. It's like Jack Harpaugh always says, attack each day with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind.
So that's what we're doing. This is a bold beginning.
This is a new season. And

Speaker 1 yeah,

Speaker 1 we've done a lot of good, including last year when we were co-Big Ten champions, but we haven't got to be Big Ten champions, and we haven't made the playoffs and beat Ohio State. So,

Speaker 1 you know, our goal here is to win multiple championships.

Speaker 1 Our goal is to win the next game.

Speaker 1 And then the last game for us

Speaker 1 defines the season. So we have big goals, big aspirations.

Speaker 1 That is interesting because

Speaker 1 there's not many schools where that is the case, where you can have a great year all year, but it's all about the last game.

Speaker 1 It's all about the last game on the regular season schedule where whoever wins that Ohio State Michigan game, that dictates kind of whether the year was a success or not. Yeah,

Speaker 1 it defines the season.

Speaker 1 But there's also 11 important games in front of that that dictate and define whether you win the Big Ten championship and whether you go to the playoffs.

Speaker 1 And then the last game defines the entire season. Yeah.
How soon into camp do you know if you've got a special team?

Speaker 1 Well, I think we've got a special team right now.

Speaker 1 It's a young and enthusiastic team,

Speaker 1 but a very experienced team.

Speaker 1 Really good at the quarterback position, really good up front in the offensive line.

Speaker 1 I think people are going to be surprised how good we are on the defensive line because

Speaker 1 we lost

Speaker 1 quite a few good players this past season, but we've got some really good young players I'm excited to see

Speaker 1 faster, maybe the fastest defensive line that we've had. Running back position is another good one for us, even though people don't really, it's not a lot of names that people recognize, but

Speaker 1 just

Speaker 1 couldn't be more excited going into the season with the guys we got. We've got the best fullback in the country.
True. Ben Mason.
He was the winner of the inaugural Roman Trophy Award.

Speaker 1 We created an award for the best fullback in the nation because nobody really takes the time out of their day to respect the fullback position. You kind of brought him to the forefront.

Speaker 1 You gave him a lot of carries. He was hurtling people.
Be honest, when you saw him jumping over people, were you a little bit like, Ben, you're a fullback, put your pad level down, run somebody over?

Speaker 1 No, I love it.

Speaker 1 I love just about everything he does. He attacks everything, anything and everything.
He can't get enough.

Speaker 1 He just

Speaker 1 wants to eat up everything.

Speaker 1 He is that kind of guy. He's going to be now playing defensive tackle.
So he's going to be playing running back and defensive tackle.

Speaker 1 He's up to about 272 right now.

Speaker 1 That's a unit. That is awesome.
I hope he's here today. If he's here,

Speaker 1 I'll call him. We should have brought the trophy up here.
Get him on. He's a much better interviewer than me.

Speaker 1 He had an acceptance speech for the trophy. So he

Speaker 1 generally interviewed him. No, no, we haven't interviewed him.
That would be a treaty. Yeah, yeah.
So, all right. You're kind of doing the way we're going to be able to do it.

Speaker 1 He would have got even more rocked up than 271, but he

Speaker 1 got a little setback. He got a little sick.
He got a little bug over the summer, but I mean,

Speaker 1 he looks amazing. He'll get back up.

Speaker 1 So I actually looked it up before. How many times, I was trying to figure out how many times you've run the same play in a row because I think that is, you know, I love old school Big Ten football.

Speaker 1 And when you find a running play that works, and this goes back to your Stanford days and the 49ers, you find a running play that works, you're going to keep running it.

Speaker 1 I found one where you ran eight times in a row against Penn State in 2016, the same running play, just flipping it back and forth.

Speaker 1 Is there a time when you've done more? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And how exciting is that when you find that play and you're like, you guys can't stop it? It's basically Vince Lombardi, the old school, go ahead and try to stop us.

Speaker 1 We're going to run the same play down your throat.

Speaker 1 I think the record is 2009

Speaker 1 against UFC. We ran the same play 13 times in a row.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Just running it

Speaker 1 over and over.

Speaker 1 We scored. We scored.
Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

Speaker 1 Just running it and knowing. I mean, that's got to be a great feeling when you're sitting there and saying they cannot stop this play.
That's a good feeling. Yeah.
It's as good as it gets.

Speaker 1 And just keep running it and running it and running it. And then you got a 270-pound rocked-up fullback who can help you too.
Are you doing the same thing with him that you did with

Speaker 1 right? He played both ways back in,

Speaker 1 that was a while ago, huh? 2010. 2010, he was a starting middle linebacker, and he was a starting fullback for us at Stanford.

Speaker 1 49ers, we had a guy named Will Tukuafu, who played some three-technique and fullback.

Speaker 1 We had Jabril Peppers, who played our outside linebacker Viper safety position, plus he played receiver and running back and Wildcat quarterback. And now Ben Mason.

Speaker 1 playing three technique and running back. I've heard with Owen, you wrote a poem about him.
That's true. To inspire him.
Do you remember what the the poem was? It was a day in football.

Speaker 1 Yeah, do you remember how. That's the name of the poem? Yeah.
That's perfect.

Speaker 1 I'll get it to you. I'll get it to you.
Okay. Because I heard.

Speaker 1 It starts out the first day of training camp.

Speaker 1 The sun coming up.

Speaker 1 Like what angels

Speaker 1 would see. That's the feeling that angels would have.

Speaker 1 I'll get you the entire funnel. Now, did you type it up for him? Oh, yeah, it was typed.
Do you? It was for the whole team.

Speaker 1 Inspired by Owen Marisek

Speaker 1 and also Ernest Hemingway. Okay.
Okay. We got to see this pajua.
Yeah, so you'll recognize there's a lot of things in it that

Speaker 1 are from Ernest Hemingway. Mm-hmm.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And taken from Ernest Hemingway and Old Man in the Sea. Yep.

Speaker 1 And correlated to football. We will put this in our new office.
Yes, we'll frame it. We'll frame the, you print it out.
Now, is it a Word document, Excel? Yes, it's all Excel. So you type it in Excel?

Speaker 1 I do everything in Excel.

Speaker 1 So I actually knew that someone had told me that. Explain that.

Speaker 1 You type actual letters and poems and everything. Letters, everything.
In Excel. Everything in Excel.

Speaker 1 I draw pictures in Excel. Why is that? Excel is the first thing I learned, and

Speaker 1 I've stayed with it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm a disciple of Excel. My theory was, you know,

Speaker 1 I will take you to my office. what's it for? We'll go to my office today

Speaker 1 and I will show you, and I will print up a day in football inspired by Owen Brisik and a nod to Ernest Hemingway, an old man in the sea. But you're using Excel, but not for Excel.

Speaker 1 Like, it's supposed to be for formulas and spreadsheets, and you're just using it as

Speaker 1 a notepad word document. I use the formulas, too.
Okay. You can also use it.
He's right. You can use it

Speaker 1 as a word document. You can just expand the cell way out to the side and just make it one long line.

Speaker 1 Or you can format the cell and do

Speaker 1 three to four lines or six. They can

Speaker 1 piece of software. Rap text is what they say.

Speaker 1 My theory

Speaker 1 was that you read off play sheets all the time. Those are all put into Excel the way that they're formatted.
I was just thinking, like, you've been reading off those your whole life.

Speaker 1 That's probably easier for you to see that wristband.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the wristband. Everything's at Excel.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 If we're living in a computer simulation right now, it's probably Microsoft Excel. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 What do you use? I use Word. Yeah, for

Speaker 1 Google Docs. The thing that you're supposed to type words into.
Now, I've seen you release some of these cold checks.

Speaker 1 That's true. There you go.
It's got it all. Why would anyone need anything else?

Speaker 1 I've tried

Speaker 1 different fonts. I've seen you on the Notes app on iPhones, too.
You've done some screenshots on there.

Speaker 1 So sometimes you're more versatile than you give yourself credit for.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 the notes can be you can email the notes to yourself from

Speaker 1 copy the

Speaker 1 email onto Excel.

Speaker 1 Put it in Excel. Nice.
Okay, so all roads always lead back.

Speaker 1 All roads always lead back to the business. We always get home there.
All right, I'm going to ask you a hard question here. You're not going to like it.
We had your brother on.

Speaker 1 I asked him every now and then. like at maybe a family dinner, vacation, do you ever give your brother the look? And what I mean by

Speaker 1 I won the Super Bowl and you didn't. And he said, Yeah, I do that every now and then.
We'll catch eyes and I'll be like, A little is that what he's doing? Yeah, he said

Speaker 1 he'll catch eyes and be like, You know, that you know that I know that you know that I got you. That we both know.
Do you see, do you know that you probably haven't even seen that look?

Speaker 1 You're like, Why the hell is John staring at me? No, I haven't. Now that I'll be alert for it.
Okay. And that's a fist fight.

Speaker 1 In the past, it has.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to say it hasn't. I think we're too old for that now.
But

Speaker 1 no, he's always been great about that.

Speaker 1 He's been really first class.

Speaker 1 And I'm proud of my brother. I love my brother.
I'm really happy for him. And

Speaker 1 I have not noticed that look. I think he said he saves it for if you guys are playing one-on-one basketball and you're beating him too bad or you hit him with an elbow or something like that.

Speaker 1 That's what he always has in his back pocket. Like the look.
The look. It's the look.
Yeah. Now that I actually might have just started World War III.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because you're going to see that look, and you'll be like, why are you looking at me? You'll be like, I know what you're doing, and I don't like it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. He had a great time on this show, though.
He had a lot of fun. He did tell a story about.
Where was he on? He was on

Speaker 1 the Calmbine, yeah. Football guy.
Yeah, oh, he's a football guy. Football guy through and through.
Through and through. He told us a story about one time you held him underwater at the beach.

Speaker 1 Do you remember that? Yeah, in Jacksonville. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Now, did he start that? And you finished it? I can't remember who started, but it was a wrestling fight in the water. Yeah.
Well, he deserved it. He was in 20s.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Water under the 20s. Okay, so while we're on Young Jim Harbaugh, I was cruising

Speaker 1 the TV the other day, middle of summer, not a lot going on. 1998 QB skills competition comes on my TV.
Jack, did we watch that? Did you watch it? We sure did. Jack, how'd your dad do?

Speaker 1 Yeah, so he won. Taped it, taped it, TV.
He won. You also were in very classic Jim Harbaugh fashion,

Speaker 1 like just mentally kind of dominating everyone else. Everyone else is kind of there for a vacation.
You were there to win that thing. And then at one point, the announcer said he's been practicing

Speaker 1 basically all night last night and then this morning. Were you practicing hard for that competition? Yeah, not just the night before and the day of either.
I was practicing leading up to it.

Speaker 1 And all the other quarterbacks are the same way. I mean, they're...

Speaker 1 They want to win that.

Speaker 1 They kind of try to play a little too cool for school, like, you know, hat backwards or sunglasses or something like that. But they really want to win it while they're in it.

Speaker 1 Then I watched some of the other ones because they had like other years. It was a marathon, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was a marathon.

Speaker 1 And you could see, you know, a couple years after that, people stopped being too cool for school, and you could tell

Speaker 1 they were trying to win it as well.

Speaker 1 You like changed the game. You're like the, you know, Michael Jordan did with the dunk contest, you did with the quarterback skills competition.
Well, humility prevents me from saying that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can let me say that. Straight statement.

Speaker 1 You can carry the water on that. You can agree with me after I say it.
It was just great watching you compete in something that is, you know, it is a very relaxed kind of vibe.

Speaker 1 And you were fired up like it was a Super Bowl, and then you won it. And you were, there was like this.
I have this clip, I'll show it to you.

Speaker 1 I'll find it on my phone, but there was this weird kind of like excitement, but also a sense of relief, like

Speaker 1 all that hard work. Finally, won the QP.

Speaker 1 That was it right there. It was like $50,000?

Speaker 1 80.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. 80 that day.
That's a lot of money. That's like 1995.
Yeah, 1998. Yeah.
That's big. 2019, that's a lot of money.
Yeah. But Jack can tell you, this is the truth.
We were watching it.

Speaker 1 It just came on, and

Speaker 1 my dad called me and said, hey, this is on, you know, turn to

Speaker 1 turn turn on.

Speaker 1 NFL Network. Yeah.
So we started watching it. The kids are there.
And it was kind of starting to get late. And my wife Sarah was like, okay, time to go to bed.
You guys got to go back. Hey,

Speaker 1 let them get one more event. One more event.
I win this next event here.

Speaker 1 So they got another event and then they had to go to bed, but we taped it and we've watched it a few times. Oh, more than a few times, I'm sure.
That's awesome.

Speaker 1 Are you actually getting out there and still playing a little bit of quarterback in practice these days?

Speaker 1 I haven't this past

Speaker 1 months or a year or two. It's been about a year and a half since I have, but I got a knee brace now that I'm going to wear.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 I got bone on bone going on in

Speaker 1 the right knee. So I got this Don Joy knee brace that I'm going to wear.
That's going to

Speaker 1 kick the knee in a little bit. Okay.
Hopefully.

Speaker 1 Keep it all together. Keep it all together

Speaker 1 so I can run. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, I have the SeatGeek question because this is the training camp. Seeky? Seek.
Seek Geek. There we go.
That's right. See Geekee.
Seek Geek. I say it so fast.

Speaker 1 Then the guest always says, what is that? Seek the lecture-free promo. Little tip there.
You want to buy a cheap ticket. Seek Geek.
Go to a Michigan game. Yeah, a little podcast tip for you.

Speaker 1 Keep in your background. I'm Larry David.
Yeah, Yeah, $10 off with promo code TAKE.

Speaker 1 They're the sponsor of Training Camp Week, so go see Michigan play this year in the big house using SeatGeek, promo code take, $10 off. Did you catch any foul balls this summer?

Speaker 1 Not legit. Not legit foul balls.

Speaker 1 What does an illegitimate foul ball look like?

Speaker 1 Illegitimate foul ball is something that's not happening during the game. Okay,

Speaker 1 batting practice. Got it.
Batting practice. Or during the game, they tossed the ball up to you.

Speaker 1 Were you close?

Speaker 1 I did not have one really hit at me at all. Both games I went to,

Speaker 1 it's been a blessing and a curse.

Speaker 1 When I've been going to these games, like the Yankees game, I got these really nice seats right behind the screen, behind the plate. Not foul ball territory.
No chance.

Speaker 1 And then we went to the Tigers game, and we were in a suite. Yeah, foul ball territory.
You brought your gloves.

Speaker 1 I have my gloves.

Speaker 1 I mean, the chances are so slim, and slim to none. Didn't get one.
Got one in batting practice, though. Okay.
Was on the left field fence. Shut out all summers.
Line drive.

Speaker 1 Line drive homer in batting practice.

Speaker 1 Okay. Reached out, stabbed it right before it hit my daughter, Katie, in the face.
There we go. So people who criticize the glove, that's actually safe for your children.
Safety. Yeah, safety.

Speaker 1 But that doesn't count. Yeah, that doesn't count for the record.
How many do you have? 20. 20 legit.
20 legit. Okay.
I mean, a foul or a.

Speaker 1 Last one, San Francisco Giants, Arizona Diamondbacks, big unit on the mound. Oh, so it's been a while.
Good seat, yeah. Good seat on the

Speaker 1 on the visitor's side. So I was on the

Speaker 1 third base. No, I was on the I was on the third base side of the Giants sitting with Jeff Morad, who was, you know, Jeff? Yeah, he looked like Jeff.
Oh, thank you.

Speaker 1 When Jeff was younger, he looked like Jeff. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He was the owner, part owner of the Diamondbacks. Yeah.
So I got a legit one. Yeah.
A can of corn, actually. It It was just

Speaker 1 a little too easy. It was a little

Speaker 1 good. Yeah.
It counts at the end of the day. You remember who hit it? No, I don't remember.
It was just a, no, I don't remember who hit it. Well, good luck.

Speaker 1 The telling part of that story, I mean, the one I tell people is that I was there with my wife, Sarah. There was a kid sitting behind us, and I caught it.
And the youngster was like,

Speaker 1 have the ball, mister? Mister, can I have the ball? No, you can't have the ball. Get your own ball.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 so my wife says,

Speaker 1 Sarah goes, give the kid a ball. You know, it's a kid.
Jim, what's the matter with you? Sarah, he's sitting in these seats. He probably, you know, he's on a weekday when he should be in school.

Speaker 1 I mean, this is probably some rich kid who doesn't need a ball.

Speaker 1 And he needs to learn how to get his own ball.

Speaker 1 That's the most important part. Yes.
She finally broke me down. I gave the kid the ball.
And then he goes, that's my fourth ball this week. Oh, what a little cherry.
Oh, no. You read it right.

Speaker 1 You read the situation. Trust your instincts.
Yes. Give a kid a ball, and he'll have a ball for a day.
You teach a kid to catch a foul ball, he'll collect it for life. Did you take it back? No,

Speaker 1 that would be a great end of the story. You should change that story and be like, give it back.

Speaker 1 Give that ball back, kid.

Speaker 1 I was reading up because, you know, we had you on a couple years ago. We had a long time.
It was a great interview. People loved it.
By the way,

Speaker 1 young people, like, I don't know what it is, maybe. You probably know your demographic, but

Speaker 1 16 to like 28, 29, 30.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 all they do when they come up to me is,

Speaker 1 heard you on the heard you on the take. Yeah, when are you coming back on? When are you coming back on? That's our best recruiting tool.
It really is. What's that?

Speaker 1 Just everyone asking our guests, what are you going back on? Yeah. We love it when our listeners see a guest in public and they're like, hey, we liked you.
Go back on the show.

Speaker 1 That way we don't have to beg you. We've got other people to write for us.
It's in your mind now. Like, oh, yeah, that was fun with those guys.

Speaker 1 And then it just, it's our best recruiting tool every single time. You guys are big.
You're big. I'm sure you know that.

Speaker 1 Also, like, uh, if we have guests on that have kids that listen to our show, that's even better because then they're like, Dad, go back on the show. And that's even harder to say to.
Right.

Speaker 1 Like, yeah, I want to be cool for my kid, you know? Exactly. So, I was doing some, I was reading up, trying to find some things that we didn't talk about the first time.

Speaker 1 I don't know how I missed this the first time. You consider SpongeBob

Speaker 1 like a hero of yours?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I love, I love SpongeBob.

Speaker 1 So does Jack. Okay.

Speaker 1 Just the way it attacks with enthusiasm unknown to mankind at all times. So, I mean, he's always happy.
Always happy. Always positive.
You know, he's energetic.

Speaker 1 The other guy, who's the other guy? Squidward. Squidward.
Squidward. No.
Not a fan. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's the opposite. He's a bad attitude.
Bad attitude. You know what? I think Patrick

Speaker 1 sometimes gets overlooked, too, because Patrick tends to have a good attitude, but he does occasionally get brought down a little bit. But he's a human.
He's a good-hearted soul.

Speaker 1 He's a good-hearted, you know? He's a good follower.

Speaker 1 He means well. I mean, there's nothing malicious about Patrick.

Speaker 1 I think I read it, and you said you like SpongeBob's work ethic, that he goes to work every day and goes and gets it. Yeah,

Speaker 1 some of the times where he's flipping the burgers like

Speaker 1 he's got four or five or six arms.

Speaker 1 He loves it. He loves work.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Takes pride in his job.

Speaker 1 What's there nothing to love about SpongeBob? That is great. What position would SpongeBob play? What position would SpongeBob be if he was on the football team, Jack? I don't know.

Speaker 1 I feel like he'd be a good running back. He's got quick legs.
He's got a motor. Yeah, he's got a motor for sure.

Speaker 1 Probably doesn't have an ass to play, I should have said that, the A-word, to play either line. No.

Speaker 1 No, he's not

Speaker 1 like a

Speaker 1 guard or something because his legs are too skinny. Receiver.
Yeah, he'd be good. Corner, corner? Yeah, maybe tight end.
Good corner. I think

Speaker 1 a running back that catches the ball a lot. Not in between the tackles.
He's got safety coming downhill. Yeah, well, he can't really hit.
He's a sponge. Barbara Turner? That's true.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 A little soft. He's the future of football, actually.
He is. Everyone's a sponge running around the field.

Speaker 1 I just love that story. I saw that, and I was like, I don't think we asked him about SpongeBob last time.
I wanted to ask you about one of my favorite things that you ever did in a game.

Speaker 1 I think this was at Stanford.

Speaker 1 You had a package installed. I think Andrew Luck was injured at the time, but you had a package where it was nine offensive linemen and then Toby Gerhart

Speaker 1 for a direct snap and one tight end. Do you remember that? Yeah, I think we scored a touchdown in the Sun Bowl against Oklahoma on that sweep to the left.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I love that package. Do you have anything like that installed in Michigan?

Speaker 1 No, the most we've gotten to is

Speaker 1 seven or eight offensive linemen. It just looks awesome from a fan's perspective on television when you just see just a line of humanity up front.
It's like try to break through this wall. You can't.

Speaker 1 I think

Speaker 1 we had a pretty cool shift against Virginia Tech too in the Orange Bowl in 2010. It was three different shifts and

Speaker 1 the center was like lined up as the tackle and we just shifted them all this way and then

Speaker 1 shifted two guys back around and then did another shift in a motion.

Speaker 1 It only gained like two yards.

Speaker 1 It was fun to play with. It was a two-yard game.
And we almost got a delay in

Speaker 1 but it looked great yeah yeah

Speaker 1 are you worried at all about the bull do you like our train formation which one is that oh yes when you have like the like four guys basically the whole 11 oh yeah you have four fullbacks yeah yeah no 11 guys line up uh instead of a huddle they line up in a in a single foul line yes yeah yeah and then the quarterback tells you to play and then they break up to the line of scrimmage.

Speaker 1 We actually got a touchdown off of that. It does feel like you're like attacking them before the snap because everyone just kind of, when they break the huddle, it's kind of intimidating.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and then everybody just gets that. Yeah, is that like a

Speaker 1 mental game that you're playing against the defense at that point, just like giving them a different no, not really. We saw it, uh, we saw it.

Speaker 1 In fact, my son Jay Harbaugh saw it in a high school game and high school tape. I think it was somewhere in Missouri team was running it, and

Speaker 1 that's I don't know that that's right. I'll have to ask Jay because now,

Speaker 1 but it looks, it looked cool. Yeah, it looked cool.
That's yeah, that's all sometimes. It looked like a good idea, so we we implemented it.
Yeah, I love it.

Speaker 1 Um, are you worried at all about the bowl games and guys sitting out now?

Speaker 1 Because I think that's going to keep happening where players are saying, you know what, if I'm going to go to the draft, I'm going to sit out this game.

Speaker 1 And if they're not the you know playoff games, some guys will be like, I'm going to make the business decision, which I actually kind of agree with them.

Speaker 1 But I wonder from your perspective, you know, I love college football, you love college football. Do you think it hurts the game at all?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I do. And I think it hurts somebody's

Speaker 1 I think it hurts their their actual their legacy too you know just what they're about um you know a competitor is going to compete you know they're going to they're going to go out there and compete everybody talks about it they're a competitor i'm a competitor i'll compete at anything i'll compete at golf or i'll compete at tiddly winks i mean you hear people say that all the time but then they actually don't go play in a football game um

Speaker 1 you know that's to me that's a problem that you have a problem now with your who you are and what as a competitor and your legacy I put it this way.

Speaker 1 Ted Williams. You got to love Teddy Ballgame.

Speaker 1 Okay, so Ted Williams goes into the last day of the season,

Speaker 1 hitting 399.6.

Speaker 1 Everybody tells him, don't play. Don't play tomorrow.
You're already at 400. Yeah, round it up.
You got it.

Speaker 1 You don't have to do it.

Speaker 1 People would have agreed with that, you know, but he said, no, went out and played. It was a double header, and he went six for eight, and he ended up hitting 406 for the season.

Speaker 1 Now you're a legend, not

Speaker 1 399.6,

Speaker 1 rounded up to 400 with an asteris by it. You went out and hit 406.
That's how you get to the

Speaker 1 legendary legacy status. I agree with you on that.

Speaker 1 There's a case to be made, certainly, for legacy that I don't think anyone would disagree with.

Speaker 1 The difference would be like if Ted Williams didn't get paid if he, you know, just ended the season or if he batted and went 0 for 6, ended the season under 400, as opposed to rounding up to 400.

Speaker 1 So I understand from a financial perspective, they want to look after their knees, that sort of thing. But I think you're right on.

Speaker 1 It takes a player from a very good player to like an iconic player at that school if they rise to the occasion in a situation like that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and I'm not demeaning anybody or saying I don't respect anybody. Everybody's got the right to make their own decision.
Right. You asked me what I think of it.
That's what I think of it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you worry ever about your players doing guarantees when you did a famous guarantee? Because I think there might have been a guarantee before.

Speaker 1 It's hard for you. You're in a tough spot.

Speaker 1 You can't tell your guys, hey, don't get in the media and do guarantees when anyone can look up the famous guarantee you had before the Iowa State game, which is part of your legacy and part of the Jim Harbaugh lore.

Speaker 1 Well, I just look at it like I don't like when people just do stuff that's already been done. You know, I mean, it's been done.
You know,

Speaker 1 do something different. It's going to be like somebody

Speaker 1 just totally mimicking Ray Lewis's

Speaker 1 pre-game dance. Right.
You know, I mean,

Speaker 1 it's been done. He did it.
Right. You know,

Speaker 1 that's the way I look at it. Okay, so you've done the guarantee

Speaker 1 game. Well, I don't even think I was the first, but, you know, yeah, Joe Namath,

Speaker 1 yeah, Joe Namath was the first. Right.
You know, I was probably in at the tail end of, probably shouldn't have been doing it. You should bring it out, though, one time.

Speaker 1 When you're really feeling good. Oh, you never

Speaker 1 feel good. Yeah, that's a good point.

Speaker 1 You'd be the first one.

Speaker 1 It doesn't really make a whole lot of sense. What are you actually guaranteeing? I mean, it's not like you're guaranteed to win.
To win. Well, you're not what.
Or what? Or your money back. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You never play football again.

Speaker 1 You could personally refund all the journalists. You could make a money.
If somebody did that, if somebody did that and actually put something that your job. Yeah.
Loser leaves town.

Speaker 1 If I lose this game, I'm out. Yeah.
That would be.

Speaker 1 I mean, talk about ratings. That would be the first.

Speaker 1 That would actually be a first. So if that's the case, then

Speaker 1 that would be bold. Or put the khakis on the line.
You'd say, if I lose this game, I'm guaranteeing it. I'll never wear khakis.
You just look at the khakis. You're like, I can't say anybody.

Speaker 1 Now we're getting extra. Yeah.
All right. I have two last ones I wanted to throw your way.
The things we didn't talk about last time, but I thought would be funny.

Speaker 1 The famous Peyton Manning 2012 story when he came for a visit with the 49ers.

Speaker 1 Is there truth to that that you guys were throwing catch and having a catch, and basically you were recruiting because Peyton Manning was a free agent. And

Speaker 1 you said to him, Wow, I got a little more mustard on this than you, Peyton.

Speaker 1 What's going on?

Speaker 1 That one's out there. That's out there? Okay, so the story's already wrong.
Okay.

Speaker 1 He didn't visit the 49ers.

Speaker 1 We went to Durham.

Speaker 1 He was working out at Duke. Yep.
And

Speaker 1 we went through a workout. He was great.
We went back to the house he was staying at and talked football. Greg Roman, myself, were down in his basement.
It was like,

Speaker 1 I mean, he's

Speaker 1 his mind, I mean, he's just, I mean, he's like in the lab. Yeah.
It was just, it was so, so impressive.

Speaker 1 And so at what point did you like, hey, my arm's stronger than yours? I never said that. I never said that at all.

Speaker 1 But you thought it. No, I didn't.

Speaker 1 The only really real thing I did was, I mean, we were just talking about the

Speaker 1 some of the atrophy he had. And

Speaker 1 like his right arm was

Speaker 1 was

Speaker 1 not as big as his left. Right.
Some of the musculature areas. It was just, you know, I haven't had a day of medical training in my life.
So I was just, you know,

Speaker 1 what's the explanation? And the nerves and how they were regenerating and things like that.

Speaker 1 Okay, that one's that's it just brought I might have I might have mentioned that like hey, that looks a little different there. Yeah.
What's going on?

Speaker 1 He explained he explained to me how nerve how nerves awaken and how they regenerate.

Speaker 1 So when he explained that to you, you thought to yourself, well, I don't have that issue in my arm, so my arm's stronger than his. Yes.

Speaker 1 my left arm is a little bigger than than my right and throwing the guns

Speaker 1 you bench these days

Speaker 1 what do I bench

Speaker 1 if I did a max I don't know I haven't done really a max if you did if let's just say like two plates on each side how many reps are we talking

Speaker 1 we're talking 225 yeah yeah

Speaker 1 One or two.

Speaker 1 Okay. That's how about you? Where do you bench? Probably.

Speaker 1 Probably about the same right now.

Speaker 1 Not as much as Brooks Kepka. Yeah, we have a bench come into our podcast.
Bench was never my

Speaker 1 strongest exercise. Were you a squat guy? A little better in the squats.
Sometimes I failed to see what my best exercise was, but I was more of a conditioning. Okay.
It's good conditioning.

Speaker 1 Yeah, legs, I guess, squat.

Speaker 1 One real disappointing thing, if you really want to talk about it, if you want me to fully share all my

Speaker 1 go full embarrassment yeah it's like a barbara walters interview yeah this is the part where you cry this is

Speaker 1 something i feel really bad about yeah yeah my vmo okay has shrunk to near nothing what's what is the vmo the vmo sounds like financial some people call it that teardrop okay that that muscle right

Speaker 1 i've never had like interior of the knee right there you got a that's a nice vmo

Speaker 1 oh you just poked my vmo that one that vmo oh yeah that's a nice vmo it's got a little teardrop i got a good vmo right here right there got it you got a flexible You got no VMO left?

Speaker 1 It's pretty much down to nuts. Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Once you get to evil bracelets, you can't get it on there, you'll be fine. Now I understand why you wear khakis all the time.
There you go. You've broken the code.
No VMO.

Speaker 1 That's your jumping. That's your accelerator.
Oh, that makes sense because I can dunk.

Speaker 1 You can dunk. Yeah.
Well, I used to be able to once. I dunked one time with a ping-pong ball.
No. Oh, I actually have a question.
I need you.

Speaker 1 No, I'm not. I'm dead serious.
Look at these calves, coach. Look.

Speaker 1 With nine-foot hoop.

Speaker 1 I need you to motivate me. actually.
You're the perfect person to talk to because I forgot that I had gotten convinced to sign up for a rugby tournament this weekend.

Speaker 1 I haven't played in three years, and I am kind of a small guy when it comes to being out there on a rugby field.

Speaker 1 Can you motivate me that I'm going to make it through this weekend, okay, and I'm going to punish people and inflict some damage?

Speaker 1 Set of motivations,

Speaker 1 let's start with

Speaker 1 some tempering.

Speaker 1 Let's get the muscles stretched and get them lengthened and warmed and smooth.

Speaker 1 Three years you haven't played yet? I haven't played in three years. Also, I'm very out of shape.

Speaker 1 So what can I do to get in shape in four days?

Speaker 1 Let's bring in Ben Herbert. Okay.
Our strength coach, who is...

Speaker 1 You should interview today.

Speaker 1 Ben Herbert. We love strength coaches.
He's the best.

Speaker 1 Don Brown, for sure. Be a dude.
Yeah, be a dude.

Speaker 1 Do you say that around the facility with me? No, because he does it. He does it.
Okay, so he drops dudes all the time. Yeah, that's it.
But are you ever like, like, dude?

Speaker 1 When he says a dude, and you give a little dude, dude, off?

Speaker 1 I try. I love it.
I strive, but it's so

Speaker 1 good. It's so not even good.
Yeah, but he knows that. Dude, you got to be a dude.
It's infectious when you hear somebody. It is infectious.
How many infectious? And you got to get them on.

Speaker 1 Ben Mason.

Speaker 1 Josh Gaddis.

Speaker 1 Very young, enthusiastic, but experienced, just kind of like our team. Dude.
He's a dude. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I just love it. If you've been like, we got a team full of dudes.
That's actually that next Big Ten press conference day.

Speaker 1 When they do, whenever I'd be like, hey, instead of asking, like, you know, when they ask position battles and everything, she'd be like,

Speaker 1 when they ask how you feel about your team being rated, picked to win the Big Ten conference. And they go, they ask you, do you feel pressure? Or would you rather be ranked there? Or would you rather

Speaker 1 rank lower?

Speaker 1 And your answer is, that's where I would have ranked us. Yeah.
And we got dudes. Should have said dudes.
Should have said that two full of dudes, and that's all I got.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we hope we got more dudes than the other team at the end of the year.

Speaker 1 We hope we end up with the most dudes. There should actually be 10.
You guys have a lot of trophies in the Big Ten. There should just be a dude trophy.
Oh, that should be the end of the season.

Speaker 1 The championship. We should have a team trophy like that.
Yes, a team dude trophy. We can present it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Is that a toughest guy on the team? We should just. It's just biggest dude.
Dude of the year. Yeah.
Dude of the year. All right, my last question.

Speaker 1 Another one story. The samurai sword and the shovel.
That's true, right?

Speaker 1 For recruits.

Speaker 1 So explain that.

Speaker 1 That's biblical. That's biblical.

Speaker 1 That is from Nehemiah. Okay.
So Nehemiah is talking about

Speaker 1 rebuilding the city because it's been ravaged and the doors have been burnt down and there's holes in

Speaker 1 the wall.

Speaker 1 But they have to rebuild. And they also have to have a shovel to be able to attack because there's people trying to they're going to try to penetrate the walls.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 make the football analogy of we got to attack and build at the same time. And a recruiter would walk in the office and you behold

Speaker 1 in a shovel? Because Nehemiah says it with a sword in one hand and a shovel in the other. And you would have a samurai sword and a shovel.
Sword and a shovel. He didn't say samurai short.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but you had that. That was the only sword, real sword I could find was more of a crazy saccess.

Speaker 1 I'm ready to go as soon as I walk in and see you. With a sword and a shovel.
And they're like, hey, didn't see you there. And you got a sword and a shovel in your hands.

Speaker 1 Our most valuable player trophy has a sword and a shovel. There we go.
That's a new trophy.

Speaker 1 I have one last thing to talk about with you. I know you're a big fan of Brooks Kepka, as are we.

Speaker 1 Or at least you were disgusted with how his character was impugned when they were talking about questioning his work ethic, that sort of thing.

Speaker 1 Or somebody's toughness. Someone's toughness.
Is that the worst thing that you can say about a man is question their toughness?

Speaker 1 It's right up there. It's right up there at the top.
I think there's probably worse things.

Speaker 1 Right. You know, you could accuse somebody of beating their dog or

Speaker 1 something like that and others. Right.
There's a whole list.

Speaker 1 A whole list. Tough ones.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's. Toughness and you cross the line.
In my opinion. Yeah.
Yeah. Cal once, didn't Cal once do that before Stanford Cal game?

Speaker 1 They said you guys aren't tough and you just basically you know demolish them. It might have been, I can't remember.

Speaker 1 There was one coach who, that's basically the dumbest thing you could ever do is right before a game question coach Jim Harbaugh's team toughness because I think you took it out on them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's got me.

Speaker 1 I don't remember that specifically. Yeah, but yeah, just crossing the line.
Yeah, that's that's a little bit too far. Yeah, we got Brooks' back, too.
Yeah, he's our guy. He's our guy.
He's a dude.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he is a big time dude. Yeah, he's a big guy.
Actually, you can use the word Blake now instead of dude. That's something for further down the line.

Speaker 1 Coach, thank you so much. Thank you.
Appreciate it. We're going to do your podcast too, so look out for that.
Awesome. But we're excited football's back.

Speaker 1 So we do this every year now, the summer tour for training camp, and it's just great to be around football guys. Is football your favorite sport? Oh, yeah.
And you feel it, though.

Speaker 1 It's not your clothes? Yeah, you feel it too. Spring, every summer, it's the end, you know, getting later in summer.
You talk to football guys, you feel training camp coming. There's nothing better.

Speaker 1 Go blue. Go blue.
I'm not going to say that. I love it.

Speaker 1 You know, I can't say that. Go blue.

Speaker 1 And you did demolish the Badgers this year, but the Badgers deserved it. So, because that was terrible by them.
Go Blue. Go Blue.

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Speaker 1 Okay, let's get to some segments. Hank, this is getting pretty brutal here.

Speaker 1 Yeah. 7-0.

Speaker 1 Yankees Red Sox. Is it time for the socks? It took the over, and if they don't fucking hit the over, seven runs in the first.

Speaker 1 Okay, I'm not going to get into it, but they scored six runs in the first inning two days ago and didn't hit the over. Is it time for the dungeon?

Speaker 1 Oh, dunchain. Are you going to dunchain the Red Sox?

Speaker 1 It's about time. They got no pitcher.
So is that

Speaker 1 dungeon? Same chest. I'm putting the dungeon on the Red Sox.
And that means if they make the playoffs and win the World Series, you have to cut off your pinky. Nope.
That's a good one.

Speaker 1 Or a dungeon is Bubba's ass. That's a dungeon, bro.

Speaker 1 You just dunchained yourself. You got to get a cat.
Nope. If they win the World Series,

Speaker 1 you have three choices. We'll put a poll up tomorrow.
Whichever one the listeners vote for is what Hank have to do if the Red Sox win the World Series. You have to atone for the dungeon, Hank.

Speaker 1 Yes, the dungeon has its repercussions, but heavy heart that I'm not going to put them on. Heavy weighs the neck that wears the dungeon.
Okay.

Speaker 1 First up, we have hurt or injured Antonio Brown and his feet, his gross feet. So I don't understand what's the injury here.
Just gross feet? Yeah, he's just sidelined with a set of gross feet.

Speaker 1 It's blisters, I think, technically. I've never seen blisters like that in my life, but it's preseason for feet, too.

Speaker 1 They are some nasty-ass Tootsies.

Speaker 1 It looks like, I don't understand how this happens because I've had something similar, but that's when you don't do anything athletic for a really long time and you're like, hey, I'm going to put on a new pair of shoes and play three hours of basketball.

Speaker 1 It does look, yeah.

Speaker 1 But I'm assuming Antonio Brown's been working out.

Speaker 1 Probably working out, but he also strikes me as a guy that would do like weird exercises that don't necessarily involve football cleats in the offseason.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's just working out in no shoes in his backyard. Yeah, barefoot running up a hill.
Yeah. Beach jogging.

Speaker 1 Got air balloon jumping. The The one thing I don't understand about this injury, I feel like everyone keeps saying it doesn't seem to be serious.
Like every report about Antonio Brown's feet

Speaker 1 couches it with, they don't think it's going to be serious.

Speaker 1 That means it's probably going to be serious. These are the times where, god damn it, I need Rex Ryan back on ESPN analyzing Antonio Brown's feet.

Speaker 1 That would be so funny. If he just went, broke it down.
If he was just puked on screen. Well, here's, no, I think he'd like it.

Speaker 1 I think think he'd be like here's the there's some ups and downs to these feet they get really nice underneath that shell but it's too scrapey you cut yourself up recircumcise yourself you try to fuck those he's more of a fully moisturized foot guy i don't think he would like that depends on if it's a win or a loss if he's coming off a loss he might want to punish himself a little bit i've been bad it would be great though if it was just a slideshow of beautiful feet and then antonio brown's feet and rex ryan puked on air or it might be a knee injury that they're covering up in the nfl one knee equals two feet.

Speaker 1 That's another thing to stay away from. We don't know.

Speaker 1 The one thing that I know for sure is that this is the time of year when I see anything happening with the Oakland Raiders. The only thing that I think of is I can't wait to see this in Hard Knocks.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. I can't wait to see John Gruden's reaction to Antonio Brown missing practice because his feet have blisters.
By the way,

Speaker 1 good that you brought that up, PFT. We are flying to Wisconsin on Tuesday afternoon.

Speaker 1 If anyone wants to email pmtintern at barstoolsports.com, that's the place where you email for the AMA gold episode.

Speaker 1 But if anyone wants to email and show us their living room that they have HBO, we are going to go watch Hard Knocks with an AWL on Tuesday night. That's a fact.

Speaker 1 So send us, basically, send us your resume of why we should pick your house and we will go watch Hard Knocks episode one with an AWL. Don't be creepy about it.
Lay it out.

Speaker 1 We're going to pick the most normal person. No, we're not trying to get fucked up.
We're not trying to get fucked up.

Speaker 1 We have to work, but show us your seating spots, your TV, maybe what you'll give us food-wise. Yeah, what's the spread going on? We might even tape the full show in your living room.

Speaker 1 So one AWL is going to, we're going to hang out with you on Tuesday night. Send us your resumes.
Don't be creepy. Yeah, picture your toilet might be nice, too.
Yeah, we're not going to a frat house.

Speaker 1 So don't, no,

Speaker 1 listen.

Speaker 1 No, we're not frat guys.

Speaker 1 We're rubbie guys. We're rugby guys.
Totally different. Yeah, if you have rugby songs, we'll sing them.

Speaker 1 All right, Stay woke. What do you have, PFT? Stay woke.
This comes to us courtesy of Larry Johnson. Okay.
Former?

Speaker 1 No, no, the running back. Got it.
Who got ran to the ground by Herm Edwards? Yep.

Speaker 1 So he is on top of some very sinister things going on in the NFL this season. He's very, very woke to this.
Adam Schafter tweeted out about Patrick Mahomes' new cereal for charity.

Speaker 1 He said, this cereal, Mahomes Magic Crunch, started selling this week at Kansas City area stores. Though he hasn't tasted it yet, Mahomes says he's excited for it.
Or it's in quotes.

Speaker 1 So Mahomes says he is excited for it and noted sales help out his foundation. Unopened boxes of the cereal are going for $33 on eBay.

Speaker 1 And so Larry Johnson quoted tweeted that and said, funny how he uses the favorite Masonic 33 number. Whoa.
This is how spellcasting works amongst the sleep.

Speaker 1 Magic associated with witchcraft and occult. I'm just going to enjoy this blatant propaganda this season.

Speaker 1 So he is on to you, Adam Schefter.

Speaker 1 I can't think of a story I'd rather, the story I'm rooting for more than Adam Schefter to be an undercover witch. Yes.

Speaker 1 Could you imagine if he's just casting spells on people? I wouldn't be surprised. Nope, I wouldn't either.
Two cell phones. One of them is a magic wand.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and that's why he does the whole like, oh, I have to pee every 10 minutes to make himself seem unwitch-like. Uh-huh.
That's exactly what somebody that didn't have to pee would say.

Speaker 1 It's called an old red herring. He doesn't piss ever.
Yeah. Right.
Very interesting. Oh, Mel Kuyper.
He seems like a witch. He doesn't piss.
No, no, no. You're the witch, dude.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Adam Schaefer being a witch would be pretty excellent.

Speaker 1 He takes off his hair. I'm pretty sure I've seen him hanging out with some brooms before.

Speaker 1 Also, I feel like he's right around the perfect height for Warlock Witch.

Speaker 1 I know. They typically go a little shorter.
Oh, okay. He's like 5'10.
No, he's 5'9. Okay, we have a new segment, Melodramatic.

Speaker 1 And this is for Carmelo Anthony, which I think we're gonna use this segment a few times this year because Carmelo Anthony has now gone to the Stephen A. Smith School of Redemption.

Speaker 1 He went on first take. He did a sit-down.
He said that he was cut by the Rockets for things outside of basketball. He doesn't want a farewell tour.
He just wants to ball.

Speaker 1 And now I'm at the point where I just feel bad for Carmelo Anthony. So what were the reasons outside of basketball?

Speaker 1 I think the money he was being paid to play basketball. To be shitty at basketball.
Yeah, okay. So

Speaker 1 not a basketball reason. Oh, yeah, right, right.
I'm not in the NBA primarily for non-basketball reasons. It's not a basketball reason.
I don't think I'm worth paying money to play.

Speaker 1 It's not a basketball reason if you can't play basketball anymore. Right.
It's just sad that it's all about the dollars now. It's not about the glove of the game.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I do feel a little bit bad for him. We do need him back.
Someone, someone, please. I mean, the Lakers is obviously our number one choice, but I would love to see him on the heat.

Speaker 1 That would be great. Watching him play with Jimmy Butler, Jay-Butt, the Clippers.

Speaker 4 The Clippers would be great.

Speaker 1 Maybe if he goes to Toronto and he's like, I will feel the shoes of Kawhi this year, that would be great. New York.
New York. On the Knicks.
He was already on the Bulls last year for

Speaker 1 like two seconds. Legend of the Technology

Speaker 1 as a trade. But yeah, no, get him on the Knicks again.
He could probably will

Speaker 1 33 wins. Get him on the Nets.
Have him win a ring with the Nets. Go ring chasing.
Yeah, have him be the Kevin Durant. Have that story be written.

Speaker 1 Like, is Carmelo the answer to no Kevin Durant next year? Good question. People are asking already.
People have been asking.

Speaker 1 What's that movie with John Cusack where he holds up the boom box outside the...

Speaker 1 High Fidelity.

Speaker 1 High Fidelity. He needs to do that to every general manager in the NBA, except have it blasting that little Wayne song that drops his name in it.
Was it Swagger like Us? Yes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so just the line where it's saying, like, get jewels like Carmelo or whatever. Yes.
Do that outside Daryl Maury's office, and maybe he'll forget about last year. Just give us Mellow.

Speaker 1 We need one more Mellow. All right, last up.
We have a drunk idea. PFT, you have a drunk idea.
All right, yeah, I had a drunk idea last week, and it remains even more true this week for me.

Speaker 1 An idea that's just, instead of a gumball machine, just out in restaurants, have it just be filled with tums. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Why not? I would take one every single time, even if I didn't have heartburn, just like knowing you might get it later. It would have saved my life this weekend.

Speaker 1 Every time I eat barbecue now, I wake up in the middle of the night at like 2 a.m. Oh, yeah.
And I just, I have to throw up.

Speaker 1 I ate barbecue on Friday and went to the gym, not to brag, but I actually did throw up a little bit.

Speaker 1 At the gym? No, after.

Speaker 1 because you can always blame that on working out yeah yeah no no this was a later thing okay where it's like much much later such a piece of shit i don't know what it is i ate a normal amount of barbecue no you didn't no one eats a normal amount of barbecue i ate a good amount of i love i i ate like two pounds of barbecue whenever you go to barbecue you're like okay i'm gonna have a normal amount of barbecue how about the burnt ends the pulled pork hush puppies maybe some fried pickles the ribs just for the table gotta and we gotta split a thing of ribs that's a normal amount of barbecue we got baked beans we we should have split ribs we got full rack of ribs and then a dessert pie that was literally called a s'mores ice cream pie yeah normal

Speaker 1 normal normal amount of barbecue and just woke up at 2 a.m and just calmly walked to the bathroom threw up and went to sleep we should have it be like um skyline chili where they give you the crackers in a little bowl it's just a bowl of tums and you can put hot sauce on it I love it.

Speaker 1 Because who cares? You're eating the tums. Circle of life.
Yes. Absolutely.
Yeah, I like that idea a lot. Call it a tumball machine.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, I'm in for that. Okay, just more tums just everywhere.
Everywhere. Everywhere.
And they're not even a sponsor. No, they're not saying that.
They just send us free Tums.

Speaker 1 So everywhere that there used to be a phone booth, Tumball Machine.

Speaker 1 Tums actually,

Speaker 1 they're kind of getting one over on us because I think the big Tums factory, wherever that is, they have us as their number one influencers, and they know us well enough that every

Speaker 1 three,

Speaker 1 probably three weeks to a month, three new bottles of Tums just show up

Speaker 1 at our office. Even when we changed offices, they knew right away.
And they're like, these guys are suckers.

Speaker 1 They're just going to talk about Tums and eat Tums because they eat like such pieces of shit. Correct.
And guess what, Tums?

Speaker 1 You got us. You got us.
You got us. Treat us like dirt and we'll stick to you like mud, Tums.

Speaker 1 We've got us all figured out now that Hank's on the train, too. Yep.
Everybody's

Speaker 1 a Tumball machine in the office

Speaker 1 in the studio. I have a Tumball machine.
All right, so Tums, why don't you, all the free shit we've given you, send us a Tumball machine. You know our address.
Yes. You know our Social Security.

Speaker 1 And then we can bet on what color Tums comes out. Yeah.
That'd be good. Yes.
All right. That's our show.
Training Camp Week. Patricia Wednesday.
Baker Friday. We're going to be in Green Bay Wednesday.

Speaker 1 Make sure you fill out that application, that resume PMT intern at barstoolsports.com, where we're going to watch in Milwaukee.

Speaker 1 We don't want to go far, so don't fucking tell me that you're in like Brookfield or wherever the fuck.

Speaker 1 You know, you're in Sheboygan. We're not going to Sheboygan.
Shout out Sam Decker. Just tell us exactly where, you know, Appleton, fuck Appleton, no fucking way.
Milwaukee, greater area.

Speaker 1 Send us your resume and we'll come watch Hard Knocks with you and probably do the show. Love you guys.

Speaker 1 Some of the learning that life is okay.

Speaker 1 I'm all too long, you know what I'm talking about.

Speaker 1 Better step back to accept the PMT. Hanks a cat killer, big cat, keep it realer.
I'll go bananas on your ass, I'm a tiny old gorilla. Paper thinned windows, making noise all night.

Speaker 1 Like graduation, the sigma come loud to the mic. PMT, we ride together, we're separating never.
Protect this town forever, this shit's hot like the weather.

Speaker 1 Take so hot, we're gonna gonna make you sweat. Don't king away,

Speaker 1 you're on the one.

Speaker 1 Say I'll say it anyway.

Speaker 1 Today's a long day, the fun you needless to say.

Speaker 1 I won't say it, so I'm be so a little wait.

Speaker 1 I'm on some light, and then my voice don't lie. I'm starting to feel your tongue.

Speaker 1 Let's go,

Speaker 1 let's go.

Speaker 1 bang on to light. My hips don't lie.
I'm starting to feel it's life for the attraction.

Speaker 1 To see if it seems perfect.

Speaker 1 It's pardon my tape presented by Barstool Sports.