Jim Harbaugh, Training Camp Week, And The Mt Rushmore Of Things We Don't Understand

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On today's Pardon My Take, training camp week is finally here.

We have Coach Jim Harbaugh on the show.

Haven't talked to him in a couple years.

We also get a vintage Harbaugh story, something I don't think people know.

I think we actually have new facts about Jim Harbaugh on today's show. We also have Mount Rushmore of Things We Don't Understand.
We have Who's Back of the Week and a bunch of other stuff before we get to it. Ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working? Nah, neither has Ariat.
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Okay, let's go. And a lot of stuff, work to be done.
No place to hang out, no washing. And then I can't leave all on the sun.
Oh, no. We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue.
And then we'll take it higher. Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue.
It's Pardon My Take, presented by Barstool Sports. Welcome to Pardon My Take presented by the Cash App.
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You get $5 for free, $5 to ASPCA. Today is Monday, August 5th.
And welcome to Training Camp Tour. This is one of my favorite weeks of the year.
It's like Grit Week, this week, the week.

Super Bowl week?

Super Bowl week is pretty cool.

The week after Christmas?

Rivalry week?

Rivalry week.

Whatever week, Rivalry Week.

It's always Rivalry Week, depending on.

March Madness.

But yes, this is up there.

This is one of my top two out of the, all of those are in my top two weeks of the year.

But I love Training Camp Tour.

We go to Baker Mayfield's RV. We hang on there yep meet with the og of training camp week uh jim harbaugh and matt patricia matt patricia and so we uh we're also going back out this week we are going to green bay on wednesday if you're there look out for us we tried to get something with the bears going we couldn't fit into their schedule we'll keep trying but we have more training camp week coming uh we were in so last week we were in Cleveland and Detroit we also golfed in Jim Harbaugh's uh I think it's his annual golf tournament where it's basically a bunch of uh boosters and Michigan people I don't think we've ever like usually when we go places we don't look like we belong.
We've never been more out of place than we were at this tournament. I think the Wilpons were there.
Everyone was wearing a Michigan polo. We were wearing florals.
Hank golfed in jeans. That was a look.
It was a scramble, and we had Tony Scheffler as our fourth.

We've got a video coming on Tuesday. Don't give it away.

I'm not going to give it away, but can I give away the interaction I had with Coach after?

That's not giving it away.

Give it away.

I mean, we suck at golf.

Everyone knows we suck.

After we came off the course, Coach Harbaugh was like, how did you guys do?

And I said, plus one.

And he looked at me and said, no, no, no, not your score, your team's score. And your team's score and i said yeah yeah we were plus one with a scramble yeah and i've never seen more disgust in my in my life oh he coach expects excellence from everybody around him at all times the winner was like minus 16 but what's weird is like we've hung out around him enough where he should probably pick up on the fact that we're not really athletes correct but i guess I guess football guys, guys, football guys, guys, right? We're not football guys.
We're guys. We're not dudes.
Right. To borrow a phrase from their defensive coordinator.
Yes. But yeah, it was a lot of fun.
I don't think I hit a single good shot. That's not even an exaggeration.
I think all of my shots could be ranked from poor to you should be executed on the fairway for the shot.

Yeah, your shots were, you know, I feel like you might have just ran out of time, though.

Yeah, 70%.

The rain came.

Well, that's true.

We only played through 14 holes.

Yeah.

So who knows?

I could have turned it on.

I could have found my stroke on the back.

I did the class four.

Yeah, I did the classic where I had like four good shots.

And then after the fourth good shot, I was like, you know what?

I don't really want to play any more golf.

Honestly, I think 75% of my shots were out of bounds.

That's the an exaggeration. I just hate golf in jeans.
I haven't played golf in years. That's fine.
We looked great. So that's coming Tuesday.
You can see our video with Shot Tracer, new technology. It's going to be interesting.
That video's not on Tuesday. Oh, when is it coming? week this week sometime this week this week get ready uh yeah so training camp week it came at a perfect time hashtag this week there's nothing going on in the sports world uh we've uh disagree okay i played rugby this weekend oh yeah everybody was talking about that's right everyone was talking about that i got ran over like uh leron landry and bren jacobs did you finish second we finished second in our group so perfect so uh beautiful i'm gonna make myself a trophy for first place of the second place oh that's actually another part we we went on um coach harbaugh's podcast after do you remember this pft because we uh i think he brought up rugby and i was like yeah usa is awesome we finished awesome.
We finished second. And he started asking me questions about rugby.
I was like, it's kind of a passion of mine. And you just looked at me like, you motherfucker.
It was a fun weekend. But I do, I'm going through that experience right now where I'm finding different parts of my body that I didn't even know existed that are now sore.
Like I have abs somewhere underneath all this fat and all these abs are somehow all strained culture because i dude you want to see my stomach no you're not fat we don't have to look at look at that right there that's just a tum tum that's a little tummy okay well my tum tum is sore my tum tum is very sore today and it was fun i'm just i'm very excited that i did not get concussed correct or That you know of. That is a fucking victory for me.
Yes. I don't know if my dick works yet.
No, you texted us on late Saturday night. You're like, didn't get hurt.
Didn't get hurt. That's it.
Yeah, I didn't tell you about the game. It's huge.
What I did in the game. If we won or lost.
I'm just like, not hurt. It's a very relatable thing once you get to past 30, where it's like, anytime you do a sport, it's not wins and losses.
It's, did you get hurt? And if you didn't and if you didn't then you won also big news uh coming out of the weekend actually this is probably the biggest news baker mayfield drank a beer fast yes shotgunned it with his teeth with his teeth yes just bit right into i've never tried doing a little hezy hay yeah where he sipped one and we're like no baker you got to do it for real then he owns Cleveland. Yes.
Just being in Cleveland last week and being on his RV, that town is Baker's town. Yeah, it's pretty sick.
I almost called him Blaker, by the way. He's definitely not a Blake.
No, he's not. That doesn't mean that we don't like him.
It just means he's as far from a Blake as he can get. Yeah, he's probably a little too competitive.
He's a Travis. Yeah, although Blake Griffin, did you see him being wet from three? Yeah, that's pretty sad.
He put out that. I don't know what it is about that court where every NBA player goes and plays in New York City.
I think those rims might be too big because everyone hits every shot. Very soft rims.
I got to play up there sometime. There's also the Hall of Fame.
Hall of Fame, yes. Yeah, yeah yeah uh hats off to whoever made ed reed's bust because holy amazing they should have him working i need ed reed bust holograms when i go places best bust by far ever i think with his hair and the beard uh those things are called wow shots shots fired at philip philip rivers he has some pretty good ones he does have nine very good ones um so yeah ed reed it was awesome like just reading the stories about Ed Reed and Champ Bailey I actually have a take here Tony Gonzalez he has the ultimate unfortunate timing for a tight end because he was the greatest tight end of all time and then Gronk came along and the tight end position is completely changed where tight ends are basically wide receivers now.
And I'm not saying that he gets lost in the shuffle, but doesn't it feel like if we, you know, in 2011, it was a no-brainer Tony Gonzalez's best tight end of all time to have someone come in right at the tail end of his career and be better than him? That's got to suck. I mean, there are a few players out there like Gates and Gronk.
Right. I would say like, yeah.
Right. And he was like, even some new tight ends that might even eclipse what he did in terms of at least the stats.
But when he was starting to play, there was no, that position didn't exist in its current form. Right.
And then everyone forgot about Kevin Mawai. There was a lot of tweets that were like, check out these guys, Champ Bailey, Tony Gonzalez, Ed Reed.
Who was the other one who was on there? There was an old guy right well kevin why was also in the broncos owner yeah there's someone else fuck i already forgot but yeah i love seeing berman up there he's the he now is the mc for forever yes in canton which is great and uh yeah it was cool i mean the hall of fame the speeches i tuned in for a little bit of it they're all kind of the same but it's still cool to just see these guys you know reach this point and put on that gold jacket by the way nfl having gold jackets just trumps everyone else yeah it's really good you can't you can't one up the gold jacket no you cannot uh hank were you how did you feel about kevin why kind of emasculating the jets by uh by thanking coach belichick for making so great. Love it.
That was the truth. You have to feel pretty embarrassed if you're the Jets, and one of your best player gets up there, and he thanks his rival's coach for making him better before he thanks any of his own coaches, which I don't know if he even thanked his own coach.
That might be totally made up, but I'm going to run with it because this is a take that I'm just shooting right now. Ty Law.
Yeah yeah Ty Law was the other guy but yeah yeah Kevin Why was like I want to thank Bill Belichick playing against him coached me up to be the best player that I could ever be there you go yeah but it was uh why you don't want to hire a good coach by the way because he'll make your other your opponent's best players better the watching the Hall of Fame uh induction made me for a brief moment think that Chris Carter when he said he'd rather be in the Hall of Fame induction made me, for a brief moment,

think that Chris Carter, when he said he'd rather be in the Hall of Fame than have a Super Bowl ring, might have been on to something,

and then as soon as the season starts, I'm like, nah, Super Bowl ring.

The thing about a Hall of Famer is you get that speech,

and in that speech you are the only man on earth.

Correct.

You are the biggest man there is.

The alpha's alpha.

For 25 to an hour and a half if you're Ray Lewis and you're just going on about child trafficking. Man, he was.
But yeah, you are the only man on earth for that speech. And then afterwards, I feel like it's just like a big drop off.
Yeah. You have to watch other men talk about how they're the man.
And you have to then go every year and sit in your gold jacket and bake in the sun in those leather chairs just so everyone's like, oh, yeah, he's a Hall of Famer. Yeah, watch another man unveil his bust.
All right. Pretty sus.
Let's go to who's back of the week. Before we do that, Barstoolgold.com slash PMT.
We have a new episode, bonus episode coming Thursday. Dom Brown, defensive coordinator for Michigan, is on the episode.
The guy who created Be a Dude. So we went through the origin of Be a Dude.
It actually started as Be a Guy. But then he's the dude father.
Yes, he's the dude father. We also are going to do a little something special for all of our gold listeners and subscribers.
We're going to do a mailbag. So if you have questions, PMTintern at BarstoolSports.com.
We're probably going to record it tomorrow afternoon. So email us, email us questions, anything you want asked, uh, PMT intern at barstool sports.com.
That's the barstool gold episode coming Thursday. We'll answer those questions on the episode.
It's an AMA basically. Yeah, pretty much.
We're tailoring it for people who have even been kicked off of Reddit. So this is your only chance.
There we go. All right, Hank, who's back? My who's back is Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr.
Good. He signed a two-year extension.
He's 42 years old. Did you wish him a happy birthday? No.
Wow. I don't know him personally.
I feel like it's kind of a clown move to wish someone a birthday. Tom, if you're listening, which I'm sure you are, happy birthday.
Okay. I've wanted to wait until we were on a personal level.
Okay. I feel like it's kind of a...
Julian, you're listening to the show.

Julian, yeah.

Play this part for Tom.

Pause your hype video, Julian, and then go tell him.

Put your shirt on.

Yeah.

Go knock on Tom's door.

Tell him Hank has a message.

So this is going to be the first...

No, take your shirt back off.

First year in his 20 years that he's making $20 million.

First, I...

There is...

We're going to do the Mount Rushmore of things we don't understand.

I think Tom Brady's contract is one of those things.

Yeah.

Every year it makes no sense.

Like, yeah, he signed a three-year extension.

Well, usually he's taking less.

Thank you. I, there is, we're going to do the Mount Rushmore of things we don't understand.
I think Tom Brady's contract is one of those things. Yeah.
Every year it makes no sense. Like, yeah, he's usually taking less.
He takes a pay cut every year. But then he gets paid.
I, I would love for someone to explain. It's almost like the U S women's soccer team.
Like how much does he actually make every single year? I will see. He converts a lot of it into a signing bonus sometimes, right? But it helps.
Like this is the Tom Brady model that every team should follow, which is get a quarterback whose wife is a supermodel so he doesn't have to worry about making an extra $3 million each year. Right, right.
So signed to how long of an extension? It's a two-year extension through the 2021 season, and it will pay him $23 million this year, an $8 million boost over what he was scheduled to make. And somehow that helps with the cap situation.
It frees up that's another one he's got a big head the nfl salary cap yeah definitely don't get it uh me being washed up is also back i know last week we talked about me getting my first two-day hangover yeah yesterday i played in a with ball tournament and lost to kids that were like eight eight years younger than me way younger shout out to ryan and thomas connor but that alone by the way yeah shout out ryan and thomas connor shout out uh that alone you say i told them when they beat me i was like if you guys like give us a show give us a shout out there's a shout out i was like you gotta wait i was like you gotta win the whole thing and they did tommy and rye rye yep uh you saying they're eight years younger my initial reaction was like hank you lost the 14 year olds i was like wait Hank's 26. Yeah.
Fuck. And then afterwards, I played pool basketball and spike ball, and I woke up today.
I couldn't move. Yep.
That's why you just got to do nothing. It's tough.
I recommend KT tape. It wasn't until 26 where I was like, oh, shit.
Everything's that. I'm feeling older.
It's all hitting me fast. Can I suggest one of those copper fit bracelets that Brett Favre uses? I actually have these.
You see these bracelets? These are good luck Himalayan bracelets because I was doing so bad in gambling. Is it working? No, it has not, but gotta try anything before football season.
Himalayan. Okay.
Yeah. Well, they're Himalayan.
They're Himalayan. I think they wear them when they walk up Mount Everest.
Oh, yeah. That's been very good luck.
Yeah. Exactly.
Really good luck. That's it.
That's it. All right.
PFT, what do you got? My who's back of the week is Colt McCoy. Colt McCoy's back because the R-Words just released their quarterback death chart.
You will recall this offseason, they not only signed – well, they drafted Dwayne Haskins in the first round. And then they brought in the guy from Denver whose name is so boring and whose game is so boring.
I don't even want to say it, but his name is Case Keenum, and they're paying him a lot of money too. And Colt McCoy is now at the top of the Washington R-Words death chart.
Wow. Which is a huge mistake for Jay Gruden because Colt McCoy – Jay Gruden wouldn't be where he is right now without Colt McCoy because McCoy is the ultimate quarterback to have as, like, your backup.
And then when he comes in because of an injury, he wins 40% of his games. And then gets injured.
Yeah, but then everybody's like, oh, Coach Gruden won 40% of his games with Colt McCoy as the starting quarterback. We got to keep him around.
This guy's got magic in a bottle here. Yeah.
So, yeah. So, Colt McCoy is back.
He's like the less sexy version of Ryan Fitzpatrick. He pops up every couple years, has a a good game he's like Ryan Fitzpatrick if he was cleaned up for like a job interview or something like that clean shaven clean shaven yeah yeah so yeah Colt McCoy is back though okay is that it yeah I'm just doing one all right I got uh who's back the week uh Lala videos I don't know if you guys saw the Lala videos this weekend but holy shit security was not great and essentially every teenager in uh the midwest figured out that they can just bum rush gates and get in for free that it looked like madness absolute madness um i blame the organizer of the area 51 thing for just convincing people everywhere get a big group and run through a fence some of these kids were jumping fences and i was just shocked by their athleticism because i every time i've jumped a fence in my life i'm like this is going to be a broken ankle at some point well so every like group of friends has the one guy that's really good at climbing yes like maybe wasn't the best athlete at like conventional sports back in high school but for some reason if there's like a big tree around a tree guy yeah the guy will get to the top of the tree in five seconds right this is like this is a super Super Bowl right here.
He's climbing the Lala fence. Yes.
But then they would just bum rush the fence and it would all fall over. And then there would be one, like, maybe a little overweight kid who got caught by the cops.
I always felt for that kid. Yeah, that's too bad.
That sucked a lot. That's great for the cops.
This kid was a kid with one leg. Yeah, but then he got let in.
Oh, really? Yeah, it was such a 2019 story. I think some rapper let him in, like VIP the next day, which is so perfect.
But yeah, I mean, that's a perfect move if you're an out-of-shape police officer and you see everyone rushing through a fence. You're like, well, I got to get one.
So it's like a hyena picking off the weakest of it, like going after the biggest kid out there. Well, the crazy thing is they grab one and they'd hold that one while kids just ran right by it.
He'd be like, we got him.

This guy's a ringleader.

He'll tell us how they got through this fence, even though we just watched him bum rush it.

Also, the Cubs are back because they only win games at home and they swept the Brewers.

Sorry, Christian Yelich.

All right.

Also, who's back in the week?

Sam Decker.

Yes. Sam Decker signed a contract with Loco.

Locomotive Kuban.

I love it. I think they're Moscow based.
And yeah, he signed a luc with loco uh locomotive kuban i love it um i think they're moscow based and uh yeah he signed a lucrative deal um decker watch is over decker watch is over and i think that what's the hashtag go loco yeah i think it's go look i'm gonna change it i think we are for loco for we are for loco the thing that i like about uh european teams like this i was looking it up i'm pretty sure there a soccer team that has the same name. So basically make it as easy as possible.
I like it. Yeah, that's very nice.
So it'd be like if Pittsburgh, but the Penguins and the Pirates were also the Steelers. I think the city of Pittsburgh would actually go for that.
They would 100% do it. Just so they could be like, go Steelers.
Go Steelers. Steelers.
Okay. Who's our Mount our mount rushmore things we don't understand mount rushmore of things you don't understand this one will be good because we'll probably get a lot of people uh with things that we miss because there's a lot of things we don't understand we're not very smart guys who's first here's something the snake draft yeah i think it's you pft i go first on mondays yeah because i think I go first on Fridays, so I go last on Mondays.
Okay. Yes.
All right, that's a lot of pressure for the very first one. My first pick is going to be math.
Just math in general. Okay.
PEMDAS, dude. Good one.
PEMDAS. I order of operations.
I get that one. Well, I don't.
Parentheses, exponent, multiplication, division, addition, subtraction. Okay.
Okay, so that's the one thing i understand about math and it's letters i had i had i had calculus on there so i agree okay there's a lot of shit there's a lot of shit that i don't understand i was so bad at math i never even saw the word calculus on any syllable i ever had same never i don't even know what calculus is yeah i just know it's way beyond my frame of reference i've never been in the same room as calculus no i did one i did one day of calculus in college dropped it immediately was it by accident no it was like i was like oh like you did algebra in high school you're supposed to do calculus that's not how it might have been it might have been pre-calc yeah whatever it was i was in it for a day i was like no no it's this is not it it's you do you do algebra in high school and then you quit math. Yeah, I did algebra two twice.
I did a sequel to a sequel. Right.
Yeah, math. Fuck math.
My number one will be how airplanes stay in the air. Okay, good one.
Magic. Thrust.
Wishes. People usually just say thrust.
I don't know. I honestly think I could fly an airplane airplane that's one of the fantasies that i've had is like if if the pilot becomes incapacitated during the flight yeah you could you could like turn and then and then the uh the flight attendant gets on the pa system goes does anybody here know how to fly a plane nobody does if it goes for like longer than 10 seconds without people raising their hands yep i'm going to hand and be like, I have flown numerous flight simulators.
I played the Top Gun video game. I've seen Top Gun like 10 times.
Yep. I think I could get the plane close to landing.
You go back on the thruster while also going down on the altitude slowly. Yes.
Well, your thrust controls your height. Correct.
So I need to turn my thrust up a little bit. But yeah, they'd probably just kick me out of the cockpit because I would say too many Top Gun quotes and laugh about it.
Remember to lower the wheels. That's one that a lot of people forget that.
I would say like permission to buzz the tower like nine times. And they'd be like, sir, there are 300 people on board.
Please just land the plane. Just be like Rubbin's Racing.
Too close to misses. That's a wrong Tom Cruise movie.
cruise movie switching guns yeah uh all right my so i have two here i'll go with first one the dark web do not understand the dark web whatsoever i've a couple people have tried to explain to me still don't get it i just know that we swim at the very very we swim in like the top six inches of the web yeah and there's it goes a thousand leagues under the sea. Yeah, we're dark web adjacent.
Yeah. No, I don't even think so.
We're above it. Yeah, but I don't think we would be.
I think there's a whole web in between us and the dark web. I know that the word tour is involved somehow.
Yeah, and VPNs, and you got to be on 4chan. But this right now, I'm scaring myself just saying it.

Just code in general.

People that write code and then that somehow looks like a website.

It's crazy.

It's fucking crazy.

I'm just going to type a bunch of letters and slashes.

It's math.

It's basically an extension of math just without numbers.

It's fucking crazy.

My second pick is going to be what is a catch in the NFL.

Still don't understand.

I had that too.

Still don't understand what a catch in the NFL is. I feel like it's getting more confusing, not less confusing.
And, yeah, someday I think we'll get it. You have to make a football act.
Do you even anymore? An act common to the game of football. Yeah, I mean, hey, if Zach Miller can break a leg in the Saints end zone and his, like, broken leg lay on the ground for three seconds and still not have it be a catch, I will never understand a catch.
He should have carried the ball out of the hospital in the wheelchair with him. All right, Hank, your pick.
I will go with how languages and words get invented. Really? Even after our interview with a guy that invents them? Hank, I had this one too.
Just how many, how did how did all of them get created right how did like one person speak one thing and then you know two miles down the road someone else speaking something totally different yeah it's fucking wild it is interesting like the first caveman to make a noise and he's like rock and the other caveman is like no what did you just say i don't get it no i and the first i live in this cave and the first people that became bilingual yeah like how did they learn to translate what other people were saying yeah you know what probably through love yeah i was about to say i think the universal language i think the first language is like the front of some of the first words ever uttered were just like hey you want to fuck yeah i'm horny yeah let's fuck yeah that's pretty much how it happened uh-huh uh all right

had to be pft you have two okay uh so for my two i'm gonna go with the nba salary cap trades and contract designations okay i feel like woge just makes up some of them like once every couple weeks he'll just make up a new term and throw it out there just so people will pretend that they get what he's talking about um there are way too many of them and my brain is way too small to understand him.

My next one is why Drake is cool.

Who?

I don't get why. I mean, he puts out bangers.
I don't get why Drake is pop. I don't really like his music.
No offense, Drake. Really? No offense.
Yikes. Not a Drake guy.
Really? Yeah. Like, you've never listened.
I don't think he's a talented rapper. You didn't listen to his new album this weekend? Of course not.
I mean, I'm not a Drake stan, but he has some fucking fire songs. They're all slow.
No. He's low T.
Drake is very low T. Okay.
You're not an emotional guy. That's all right.
Yeah. That's fine.
I'm a guy's guy. But he's got some bangers, too.
Yeah, I mean, he's got some certified. Give me two bangers.
Name two bangers by Drake. On one.
On one. What about the last one that he released last winter? One dance.
Or Nice for What? That was fucking awesome. Does he have any songs without one in them? Nice for What? Trophies.
Nice for What was great. But I don't think he's a good rapper.
He does the thing where he rhymes the same word with the same word a lot. He's kind of slow.
He mumbles. He's got low T.
Actually, he's kind of like me. What about God's Plan? Me and Drake have a lot in common now that I'm saying it out loud.

God's Plan, dude.

God's Plan?

That's a good one.

I only like my mom in my bed.

What song is that?

God's Plan.

Okay, I like God's Plan.

Yeah.

You like Drake.

He has one banger.

I don't understand why he's Drake.

All right.

Hank, your pick.

Jimmy from Degrassi.

You also never saw Degrassi.

Great show.

Definitely, I never saw Degrassi. Traffic.
Traffic. Where does it start? Where does it start? Where does it end? Got it.
Why? Where does it start? Too many cars. Ultimately, but if you're driving straight, I just don't get it.
I don't get it. How traffic forms? No, I agree with you on that one, Hank.
It's just too many people driving at once. Yeah.
Where does it start? Once there are too many people on the road. So there are different points where people can enter the road.
And then when a lot of people enter at the same time. But there's one single lane.
Yeah. I don't get it.
Yeah. Yeah.
Thank you. Okay, we agree.
All right. I'm going to go with my last two.
I don't understand why people don't like the dab. I never will understand that.
It seems like something that's just so innocent and fun, but people hate the dab. So I don't understand why people hate the dab.
And then my last one is going to be... I still don't understand Bitcoin.
I don't think i'll ever understand bitcoin i don't understand the blockchain blockchain when people say bitcoin takes up more energy than like all of iceland that makes no sense to me so how does that how my understanding is that in order to make bitcoins they mine them in order to make a bitcoin you have to verify other bitcoins right but how so it takes electricity it's the whole thing is just so confusing to me and then the all the other alternate coins and just everything i mean i own i own bitcoin right because i didn't it was a total fomo thing and i bought it at its peak i think i bought it like 14 000 yeah that's a good good uh but yeah really good investment but i will never understand bitcoin i'm just hoping that at some point uh they'll be like hey you're a millionaire because you bought bitcoin yeah well that's the thing about stocks like that is like you might as well buy them just in case they shoot way way way way way up i mean the stock market in general is something that no one understands right it's just we could just say the economy people just push papers around and then money gets but what i don't get about bitcoin is in theory as computers get better it'll get easier to make new bitcoins right or gain new bitcoins so wouldn't the price go down and then what i don't know everyone gonna have bitcoin eventually and then how do you also lose your bitcoin you just can't log in and then boom your bitcoin's gone i've heard so many stories about people accidentally tipping like pizza drivers too much right in bitcoin that i feel like the best move is actually to just become a pizza delivery driver and just hope until at one point you get tipped in bitcoin yeah that's true that is actually the new that's the new bitcoin those are the new billionaires uh okay hank your last pick oh this is tough um i mean i'll keep it simple. I don't understand taxes.
I don't understand why taxes come out of my paycheck every week and it's like, oh, you're getting

like half your money. And then at the end of the year, you have to pay more taxes.
I

don't get why it's like we're going to take taxes out of your paycheck. But then at the

end of the year, you have to pay more taxes. Did you actually pay taxes this year? I'm

on a delay. We're on a delay.
No, we're in October 15th podcast. That's for sure.
You probably are going to get money back. That's exciting.
For the last six years that you haven't paid them. No, I didn't last year.
You didn't do your taxes at the worst possible time. Like when you would have gotten money back.
And now you're going to reach a point where you start making money and you're going to have to pay more taxes that sucks but why does it come out of your paycheck still i don't know medicare and all that yeah so they want to make insurance they want to make sure that you pay enough tax state yes city local municipal income death tax all the taxes all the tax every one of them they tax. Yeah.
Sin. Mm-hmm.
Everything gets taxed these days. Or you could just become a church.
Yeah, and then you don't have to pay anything. People pay you.
Yeah. Nonprofits, that's another one.
Yeah. Nonprofits.
We should start a non-profit. Like the NFL is a non-profit organization, but they make $10 billion a year.
They get donations. Yeah.
What does that mean? People give them money. Who? Us.
The fans. What do you mean? We don't give them money.
I agree mean we don't know i agree i agree with you rich people that feel bad about being rich what does non-profit mean they don't make a profit but they do that's why they pay that's why they don't pay roger goodell 700 million dollars a year yeah the nfl does well to even out their balance sheet the nfl used to be a non-profit i think they recently changed but yeah oh it was pretty hilarious that they were a non-profit it was just like uh we we donated all this money to commissioner goodell uh for sucking i off the side of that i still don't understand how people uh like balance their checkbook those people are crazy yeah i don't like online that's not a real thing around i don't know old people do it i don't know what balancing my checkbook means i have no idea no idea i just know that once a month i oh that's the email that i get from bank of america that says you have you forgot to balance your check you have low funds in your debit account please balance your check that's bank of america balancing it for me yeah all right pft your last pick okay my last pick is going to be i'm gonna go with the rules to craps oh you know okay ips every time. Probably six or seven times that I've been to a casino, and I've forgotten it instantly.
The next morning I wake up, I have very selective amnesia, and it just is whenever I'm around a craps table. It's the fastest way to lose money.
Every single time. I've heard it's the fastest way to make money.
It is, but then you lose it all. It's very exciting, though.
It does. Yeah, because you start- Everyone around you, you feel like a rock star when you get the dice in your hand.
And you start making money, and when you're right and you start making money and you're like people crushing your hand and then one roll and you're like well there goes all my money yeah yeah i just know there's a come line yeah uh bubba do you have bubba said he had a list of things that he keeps uh of things he doesn't understand we're gonna make him read it for honorable mentions i have a couple honorable mentions as well uh how coaches don't foul up three under 10 seconds. That one makes no sense.
I've got people who get turned on by feet. Yes.
Foot fetish guys. Don't get that one at all.
The Met Gala. Don't understand what it is.
It's like a nonprofit fashion. Yeah, pretty much.
Magnets. How do they work? In general.
But like that. That's insane.
Clown posse. Like people made fun of them for that.
But that's an important question. It is like how do magnets work i don't know i just either do i put a piece of metal next to something and it sticks to it and is there a big there's a big one in the north pole seems like magic to me makes no sense like wizardry why does hair grow where it grows oh okay that's a good one um cruise ships aircraft carriers you want to talk about planes like how the fuck does all that metal just sit in the middle? It's like steel.
People just say buoyancy. I'm like, okay, cool.
But, like, that's so much shit that's just sitting in the middle of the ocean. Two words.
Water displacement. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Buoyancy. As a guy that's seen Top Gun many times, I know a lot about aircraft carriers.
Why don't they build the whole plane out of the little black box? True. And also, it's younger brother.
How come you park in a driveway and drive in a parkway? That one's good. Classic jokes.
Why can't we get a new college football game? What do you mean? Why can't? Oh, video game. Yeah, yeah.
Video game. Yeah, yeah.
Why can't we get it? Yeah, I don't know. They even did a tease, a cock tease in the new Madden, where you get to play the semifinal and the championship.
ed o'bannon is the reason yeah but someone figure it out it feels like that's one of those ones like the uh day after super bowl should be a holiday yeah we should just have a new college football how about this here's a good if i ever get the codes to that holy shit you take fucking high thinking about it what's the casino the casinos in grand theft auto yeah why don't they just have an in Grand Theft Auto and on the game you get to play the new NCAA football? Right. I was thinking why don't they just do the last one and just keep updating it and it's just total new.
It's a new game but it's under the 2014 game. Another one I had was the different tournaments in British soccer and which one means which.
Oh I know those. I don't get that one.
I know all those. I don't care to know.
By the way, Swans are back. They won their first game.
I have the ending to The Sopranos where it just cuts to black as Tony's about to get shot or maybe not shot. Yeah, we get killed.
Don't get that one. The plot of the movie Memento.
Yeah. Yep.
And Interstellar. What happened to Brendan Fraser? He's still around.
But what happened to him? I read an article. It just, what happened to him?

He just kind of, he was the guy.

I think he's one of those guys that was like,

I made a lot of money, so I'm fine.

No, I think he got blackball.

Making that a sweet meme cash.

He got a divorce.

He's like broke as shit.

Yeah.

What happened to him?

Like, he was great.

I don't know what happened.

Who would ever divorce Bryn Frazier?

Like, that guy should still be around.

He should still be doing shit.

How come LeBron James has never had a serious injury despite playing so many games at such a large size? Interesting. Also, how come LeBron James gets excited about when his kid is good at stuff? Interesting.
I don't think we'll ever know the answer to that one. Nope.
Probably something we do. He's a narcissist.
Yeah, that's right. And he's just excited because it's his name.
Yeah.

All right, Bubba, give us your list.

Kombucha.

Oh, good one.

Who the fuck knows about that?

Like, I've had people, like, explain it to me, too, and it makes me, like, more confused.

That's just a classic case of one person said this is good for you and will make you shit out all the pounds, and then everyone drinks it. Also, if there's something that you can brew yourself in your in your own home then people will try it and then they'll pretend to get really into it because they can make it themselves it's also one of those things where uh i'm convinced there's a list of things that just start on the west coast as pranks to see if everyone else will do it and that's one of them that's they're like we'll just start saying kombucha's good and watch these fucking idiots in the rest of the country we'll just pay way too much for this shitty tea while we're not even drinking it ourselves.
That's the stuff that puts good bacteria in your butt, right? Who knows? Who knows? Almond milk also. Okay.
Yeah. Almonds don't have nipples.
Yeah, that's true. The words where it's like, it's two different words, but it's like the same word.
Like, spelled the same way homophones but there's homonyms like homonyms content and content yeah oh yeah that's this language like read in red yeah yeah or like lead and there there there there i have trouble with that one too your and your uh batteries okay um batteries no good call yeah that's a good one are you are you allowed to throw away batteries in the trash yeah you can now okay good that and propane they've recently allowed you that you can just throw batteries into a river too that usually works yeah and like sd cards they're like so tiny and they hold like like me and hank were talking about this like it's like hours worth of footage yeah and it's like a tiny piece plastic. It's like the universe.
Yeah. I don't get it.
Yeah, the universe. No one gets.
Okay. What about the explanation that the creator of the Matrix gives to Keanu Reeves in the Matrix? That whole thing.
That's wild. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, why is Big Bang Theory popular, but Arrested Development didn't last on TV? Good question. Big Bang Theory.
That one makes no sense. Also, and I might get heat on the internet streets for this, How I Met Your Mother was never really a fan.
I think it was actually okay, but I never watched it. Yeah, exactly.
That's the thing. But I think it was okay.
Yeah. I'm going to say it was decent.
Okay. I never saw a full episode.
De. Can people like Neil Patrick Harris? Yeah, what about young Sheldon? Who's that? That's the guy from Big Bang Theory, but they made like a prequel.
Oh, okay, yeah. I guess Sheldon was very popular, so they decided to spin it off.
Yeah, I definitely don't understand Big Bang Theory at all. Okay, also remember Family Guy got taken off TV for a while and then it had to be brought back uh-huh that one made no sense it's too offensive no but it was i remember when family guy first came out you just had to watch it on dvds because you're like oh yeah it was on tv and then they just took it off that along with like the uh the poster of the kiss and the poster of belushi wearing the college sweatshirt those are must have that was freshman year starter pack at college.
Yes, absolutely. And a boondock Saints DVD.
Ninja Turtles pizza. Yes.
If you know, you know. All right.
Should we get to our interview with a lot of questions? People tweet us whatever you don't understand. Hopefully we can learn some things.
Don't be the guy who's like, hey, actually, this is how planes stay in the air. Come on, man.
You don't know. You don't know that you don't fucking know you i i'm thinking of you right now like you're you probably went to pilot school and you learned all this shit maybe you're an engineer you you pretend you know but at the end of the day deep down you have no idea you don't know we are onto your game harrison fuck you dude you do not know even the pilots that are up in the cockpit they're're just like, the whole time the airplane's going, they're like, what the fuck? They pray the whole time.
What the hell? Let's hope this works again. All right, before we get to Jim Harbaugh.
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All right, back to part of my take.

Okay, here he is, Coach Jim Harbaugh.

We now welcome on a recurring guest,

friend of the program.

It is Coach Jim Harbaugh.

We are in Ann Arbor.

We're at his golf tournament. It's training camp it's about is there a training camp week so we're doing a training camp tour and you aren't have an open camp yet but let's start there uh what is your favorite part of having the team back together and training camp starting the favorite part is the smell of the grass the fresh cut grass when you come out in the morning the sun rising the uh the cleats clanking on uh on the cement as they walk to the field it's a rebirth yeah there's people that think of january 1st as being the start of the new year people that have spoused Christianity, Catholicism, talk about the birth of Christ.
We talk about training camp. I love it.
The first whistle. Day one of training.
That's the rebirth. That's coming out of the womb.
Yeah. It's nice in there.
It's nice and warm. Warm, yeah.
Yeah. You know, dark and cozy.
Now you're in the real world. Boom.
Out into the light. Out into the chaos.
Even you, like, talking about it, you started to sit up a little bit and, like, get a little more, yeah, a little more excited. Yeah, right.
Exactly. Everybody's 0-0.
It's a brand new season. Anything could happen from that point forward.
We've talked to a lot of football coaches, and it's funny because when we ask them about training camp and what they get excited about, they hardly ever say anything visual to us. It's usually like what you said, the smell of the grass, the sound of the cleats.
Doug Marone was saying the sound of the pads hitting each other. It's all this other stuff besides just what you're looking at.
It seems like a very cool time of year for you as a coach. Going into camp, like when you hear coaches say, every spot's up for competition.

Is that true?

Or is there, like, there have to be some guys that you know

are going to take certain positions.

But, like, how many of these positions are truly, truly up for grabs?

Well, there's something like, take our offensive line.

They're pretty cemented.

The left tackle, the left guard, Ben Bredesen, Runyon, Cesar Rees, Michael Wayne is the right guard. So, I mean, there's been a true competition going on for the right tackle, Jalen Mayfield and Andrew Stuber, and both have treated it as such over the entire summer.
So there's an example of you still got to come in. You got to be healthy.
You got to play well. You got to, you got to do your job.
So, but there's, that's the one starting offensive line position. That's, that's truly, you know, a true battle.
Yeah. So year five, this is the year five for you at Michigan.
It's kind of, you're kind of in a weird spot because you have brought Michigan back to relevancy and maybe a little dark ages for a while there in the last decade or so, but not all the way. You haven't gotten all the way to winning a Big Ten title.
Do you hear any outside noise? Do you feel any pressure from people saying, hey, are they going to win a big 10 title are they going to you know get into the college playoffs all that stuff we the the pressure of um we look at it as a challenge um there's a my daughter katie was working on a little project this morning and it was um asked for the definition a bold beginning. And then she starts writing.
The example was like an elephant charging or something like that. I go, it's like your papa.
It's like Jack Harbaugh always says, attack each day with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind. So that's what we're doing.
This is a bold beginning. This is a new season.
And, yeah, we've done a lot of good, including last year. I mean, we were co-Big Ten champions, but we haven't got to be Big Ten champions, and we haven't made the playoffs and beat Ohio State.
So, you know, our goal here is to win multiple championships. Our goal is to win the next game uh and then the last game for us is is defines the season so uh we have big goals big aspirations that that is interesting because the there's not many schools where that is the case where you can have a great year all year but it's all about the last game it's all about the last game on the regular season schedule where whoever wins that ohio state michigan game that dictates kind of whether the year was a success or not yeah it defines the the season um but there's also you know 11 important games yeah in front of that that dictate and define whether you win the big 10 championship and whether you go to the playoffs,

and then the last game defines the entire season.

Yeah.

How soon into camp do you know if you've got a special team?

Well, I think we've got a special team right now.

It's a young and enthusiastic team, but a very experienced team. Really good at the quarterback position.
Really good up front in the offensive line. I think people are going to be surprised how good we are on the defensive line because we lost quite a few good players this past season, but we've got some really good young players I'm excited to see.
Faster. Maybe the fastest defensive line that we've had.
Running back position is another good one for us, even though people don't really – it's not a lot of names that people recognize. But just couldn't be more excited going into the season with the guys we've got.
We've got the best fullback in the country. True.
Ben Mason. He was the winner of the inaugural Roman Trophy Award.
We created an award for the best fullback in the nation because nobody really takes the time out of their day to respect the fullback position. You kind of brought him to the forefront.
You gave him a lot of carries. He was hurtling people.
Be honest. When you saw him jumping over people, were you a little bit like, Ben, you're a fullback.
Put your pad level down and run somebody over. over no i love it um i love just about everything he does he attacks everything anything and everything he can't get enough he may just he just you know wants to eat up everything uh he is that kind of guy he's going to be um now playing defensive tackle so he's going to be playing running back and defensive tackle.
I love that. He's up to about 272 right now.
Wow. That's a unit.
That is awesome. I hope he's here today.
If he's here, we should just – I'll call him. We should have brought the trophy up here for him.
Get him on. He's a much better interviewer than me.
He accepted the – he had an acceptance speech for the trophy. So he – Okay.
Did you know I already interviewed him? No, no. We haven't interviewed him.
That would be true. Yeah, yeah.
So, you're kind of doing the way he would have been he would have got he would have got even more rocked up than 271 but he uh he uh he got he got a little setback he got a little sick he got a little bug over the over the summer but i mean he looks he looks amazing he'll get back up so yeah so uh i actually looked it up before how many times i was trying to figure out how many times you've run the same play in a row because i think that is you know i love old school big 10 football and when you find a running play that works and this goes back to your stanford days and the 49ers you find a running play that works you're going to keep running it i found one where you ran eight times in a row against penn state in 2016 the same running play just flipping it back and forth is there a time when you've done more yeah and how exciting is that when you find that play and you're like you guys can't stop it's basically vince libardi the old school go ahead and try to stop us we're going to run the same play down your throat i think the record is 2009 um against usc we ran the same play 13 times in a row. Wow.
Just running it over and over. We scored.
We scored. Yeah, exactly.
Exactly. Just running it and knowing.
I mean, that's got to be a great feeling when you're sitting there and saying they cannot stop this play. That's a good feeling.
Yeah. It's as good as it gets.
And just keep running it and running it and running it.

And then you've got a 270-pound rocked-up fullback who can help you too. Are you doing the same thing with him that you did with – was it – Owen Maricic.
Yeah, Maricic, right? He played both ways back in – that was a while ago, huh? 2010. 2010.
He was a starting middle linebacker and he was a starting fullback for us at Stanford. The um 49ers we had a guy named Will Tukuafu who played some three technique and fullback um we had Jabril Peppers who played our outside linebacker Viper safety position plus he played receiver and running back and wildcat quarterback and now Ben Mason paying playing three technique and running back I've heard with Owen you you wrote a That's true.
To inspire him. Do you remember what the poem was? It was a day in football.
Yeah, do you remember how it went? That's the name of the poem? Yeah. That's perfect.
I'll get it to you. I'll get it to you.
Okay. Because I heard.
It starts out. It starts out.
It starts out. It starts out the first day of training camp.
The sun coming up.

Like what angels would see.

That's the feeling that angels would have.

I'll get you the entire final.

Did you type it up for them?

Oh, yeah.

It was typed.

It was for the whole team.

Inspired by Owen Marisek and also Ernest Hemingway.

Okay.

We've got to see this poem.

Yeah, so you'll recognize there's a lot of things in it that are from Ernest Hemingway.

Okay.

Taken from Ernest Hemingway and Old Man and the Sea.

Yep.

And correlated to football.

We will put this in our new office.

Yes, absolutely. We'll frame it.
We'll frame the – you print it out now is it was a word document excel yes it's all excel so you type it in excel i think i do everything in excel what so i actually knew that that someone had told me that what explain that you type like actual letters and poems and everything in Excel. Everything in Excel.

Why is that?

I draw pictures in Excel.

Why is that?

Excel is the first thing I learned, and I've stayed with it.

Yeah.

I'm a disciple of Excel.

My theory was, you know, you've got to take you to my office.

We'll go to my office today, and I will show you,

and I will print up a day in football inspired by Owen Riesek and a nod to Ernest Hemingway and Old Man in the Sea. But you're using Excel but not for Excel.
Like it's supposed to be for formulas and spreadsheets and you're just using it as like a notepad Word document. I use the formulas too.
Okay. You can also use it.
He's right. You can use it as a Word document.
You can just expand the cell way out to the side and just make it one long line of text. Or you can format the cell and do three to four lines or six.
Right. It's a very versatile piece of software.
Rap text is what they say. My theory was that you read off play sheets all the time.
Those are all put into Excel, the way that they're format.

I was just thinking, like, you've been reading off those your whole life.

It's probably easier for you to see that. The wristband.

Yeah, the wristband.

Everything's in Excel.

Yeah, that's true.

If we're living in a computer simulation right now,

it's probably Microsoft Excel.

Yeah, yeah.

What do you use?

I use Word for Google Docs.

The thing that you're supposed to type words into. Now, I've seen you release the most called Word.
It's true. There you go.
It's got it all. Why would anyone need anything else? I think I've changed.
Different fonts. I've seen you on the Notes app on iPhones, too.
You've done some screenshots on there. Yeah.
So you're more versatile than you give yourself credit for it.. That's the phone though, yeah.
Well, the notes can be – you can email the notes to yourself. And then copy the email onto Excel.
Let's put it in Excel. Nice.
Okay. So all roads always lead to Excel.
All roads always lead back to Excel. We always get home there.
All right. I'm going to ask you a hard question here.
You're not going to like it. We had your brother on.
I asked him every now and then, like at maybe a family dinner, vacation, do you ever give your brother the look? And what I mean by I won the Super Bowl and you didn't. And he said, yeah, I do that every now and then.
We'll catch eyes and I'll be like a little...

Is that what he's doing? Yeah, he said he'll catch

eyes and be like, you know

that I know that you know

that I got you.

That we both know.

You probably haven't even seen that look. You're like, why the hell is

John staring at me?

I'll be alert for it now.

And that's a fist fight.

In the past, it has...

I'm not going to say it hasn't. I think we're

to you. Now that I'll be alert for it.
Okay. And that's a fist fight.
In the past, it has. I'm not going to say it hasn't.
I think we're too old for that now. But no, he's always been great about that.
He's been really first class. And I'm proud of my brother.
I love my brother. I'm really happy for him.
And I have not noticed that look. Okay.
I think he said he saves it for like if, if you guys are playing one-on-one basketball and you're beating him too bad or you, like, hit him with an elbow or something like that.

That's what he always has in his back pocket.

Like, the look.

The look.

The look.

Yeah.

Now that – I actually might have just started World War III.

Yeah.

Because you're going to see that look, and you're like, why are you looking at me?

And you're like, I know what you're doing, and I don't like it.

Yeah.

He had a great time on this show, though. He had a lot of fun.
He did tell a story about. Where was he on? He was on in February.
Back at the Combine. At the Combine, yeah.
Football guy. Yeah, oh, yeah.
Big football guy. Football guy through and through.
Through and through. He told us a story about one time you, like, held him underwater at the beach.
Do you remember that? Yeah, in Jacksonville. Yeah.
Yeah. Now, did he start that, and you finished it? I can't remember who it was a it was a wrestling fight in the in the water yeah well we were in our 20s yeah okay okay so while we're on uh young jim harbaugh i was cruising uh the tv the other day middle summer not a lot going on 1998 qb skills competition comes on my tv jack did we that? Did you watch it? We sure did.
Jack, how'd your dad do? Yeah, so he won. We taped it.
He won. You also were in very classic Jim Harbaugh fashion, like just mentally kind of dominating everyone else.
Everyone else was kind of there for a vacation. You were there to win that thing.
And then at one point, the announcer said he's been practicing basically all night last night and then this morning. Were you practicing hard for that competition? Yeah, not just the night before and the day of either.
I was practicing leading up to it. And all the other quarterbacks are the same way.
I mean, they want to win that um they kind of try to play a little too cool for school like right uh you know hat backwards or sunglasses or something like that but they really want to win it while they're in it then i watched some of the other ones because they had like other it was a marathon yeah other yeah it was better yeah and uh you could see you know a couple years after that people stopped being too cool for school and you could tell they were trying to win it as well. You like change the game.
You're like Michael Jordan did with the dunk contest. You did with the quarterback skills competition.
Well, humility prevents me from saying that. Yeah, you can let me say that.
That's a great statement. You can carry the water on that.
You can agree with me after I say it. It was just great watching you compete in something that is, you know,

it is a very relaxed kind of vibe.

And you were fired up like it was the Super Bowl, and then you won it.

And there was like this – I have this clip.

I'll show it to you.

I'll find it on my phone.

But there was this weird kind of like excitement but also sense of relief.

Like, oof, all that hard work.

Finally won the –

Yes, dude.

That was it.

That was it.

That was it right there.

It was what? Like $50,000? $80. Oh, okay.
$80 that day. That's a lot of money back then, too.
That's like 1995. Yeah, 1998.
Yeah, that's big. 2019, that's a lot of money.
Yeah. But Jack can tell you, this is the truth.
We were watching. It just came on.
Or my dad called me and said, hey, this is on. Turn on NFL Network.

Yeah, so we start watching.

The kids are there.

And it was kind of starting to get late.

And my wife Sarah was like, okay, time to go to bed.

You guys got to go to bed.

Hey, let them get one more event.

One more event.

I win this next event here.

Yeah.

So they got another event.

And then they had to go to bed.

But we taped it.

And we watched it a few times.

Oh, more than a few times, I'm sure.

That's awesome.

Are you actually getting out there and still playing a little bit of quarterback in practice these days? I haven't this past months or year or two. It's been about a year and a half since I have.
But I got a knee brace now that I don't want to wear. I got bone on bone going on in the right knee.
So I got this Don Joy knee brace that I'm going to wear that's going to kick the knee in a little bit. Okay.
Hopefully. Keep it all together.
Keep it all together. Yeah.
So I can run. Yeah.
All right. I have a SeatGeek question because this is the training camp.
SeatGeek? SeatGeek. SeatGeek.
There we go. That's good.
SeatGeek. SeatGeek.
I say it so fast. Then the guest always says, what is that? SeatGeek.
A little extra free promo. A little tip there.
You want to buy a cheap ticket. SeatGeek.
Go to a Michigan game. Yeah, a little podcasting tip for you.
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Did you catch any foul balls this summer?

Not legit.

Not legit foul balls. What does an illegitimate foul ball look like?

Illegitimate foul ball is something that's not happening during the game.

Okay.

Batting practice.

Batting practice.

Got it.

Or during the game they toss the ball up to you. Were you close? I did not have one really hit at me at all.
Both games I went to. It's been a blessing and a curse.
When I've been going to these games, like the Yankees game, got these really nice seats like right behind the screen, behind the plate. Not foul ball territory.
No chance. And then we went to the Tigers game and we were in a suite.
Yeah, foul ball territory. You brought your gloves, too.
I had my gloves. I mean, the chances are so slim and slim to none.
Didn't get one. Got one in batty practice, though.
Okay. Was on the left field fence.
Shut out all summers. Line drive.
Line drive Homer in batty practice. Okay.
Reached out. Stabbed it right before it hit my daughter Katie in the face.
There we go. So people who criticize the glove, that's actually safe for your children.
Safety. Yeah, safety first.
But that doesn't count. Yeah, that doesn't count for the record.
How many do you have? 20. 20 legit.
20 legit. Okay.
I mean, a foul. Last one, San Francisco Giants, Arizona Diamondbacks, big unit on the mound.
Oh, so it's been a while. Good seat.
Yeah, good seat on the visitor's side. So I was on the third base.
No, I was on the third base side of the Giants sitting with Jeff Morad Morad who was you know Jeff? Yeah. You look like Jeff.
Oh, thank you. When Jeff was younger he looked like you.
He was the owner part owner of the Diamondbacks. Yeah.
So I got a legit one. A kind of corn actually.
It was just a blooper. A little too easy.
It was a little oh hey. It felt good.
Yeah. It counts at the end of the day.
You remember who hit it? No, I don't remember. It was just a, no, I don't remember who hit it.
Well, good luck. The telling part of that story, I mean, the one I tell people is that I was there with my wife, Sarah.
There was a kid sitting behind us, and I caught it, and the youngster was like, can I have the ball, mister? Mister, can I have the ball?

No, you can't have the ball.

Get your own ball.

And so my wife, Sarah goes,

give the kid a ball.

You know, it's a kid.

Jim, what's the matter with you?

Sarah, he's sitting in these seats.

He probably, you know,

he's on a weekday when he should be in school.

I mean, there's probably some rich kid who doesn't need a ball.

Right.

And he needs to learn how to get his own ball. Yes.
That's the most important part. Yes.
She finally broke me down. I gave the kid the ball.
And then he goes, that's my fourth ball this week. Oh, no.
You read it right. You read the situation right.
Trust your instincts. Yes.
Give a kid a ball, and he'll have a ball for a day. You teach a kid to catch a foul ball, he'll collect them for life.
Did you take it back? No. That would be a great end of the story.
You should change that story and be like, give it back. Give that ball back, kid.
I was reading up, because we had you on a couple years ago. We had a long time.
It was a great interview. People loved it.
By the way, young people, I don't know what it is maybe. probably know your demographic but 16 to like 28 29 30 i mean all they all they all they do when they come up to me is uh heard you on the heard you on my take yeah when you're coming back on you come back that's our best recruiting tool it really is what's that just everyone asking our guests what are you going back on yeah we love it when our listeners see a guest in public and they're like hey we like you go back on the show yeah that way we don't have to beg you we've got other people right for us it's in your mind now like oh yeah that was fun with those guys and then it just it's our best recruiting tool every single time you guys are big you're big i'm sure you know that also like uh if we have guests on that have kids that listen to our show that's even better because then they're like dad go back on the show and that's even harder to say right too right yeah i want to be cool for my kid you know exactly so i was doing some i was reading up trying to find some things that we didn't talk about the first time i don't know how i missed this the first time you consider spongebob uh like a hero of yours yeah I, I love SpongeBob.
So does Jack. Okay.
Just the way it attacks with enthusiasm unknown to mankind at all times. So, I mean, yeah.
He's just always happy. Always happy.
Always positive. You know, he's energetic.
The other guy, who's the other guy? Squidward. Squidward.
Squidward. No.
Not a fan? Yeah. He's got a bad attitude.
Bad attitude. You know what? I think Patrick sometimes gets overlooked, too, because Patrick tends to have a good attitude.
But, you know, he does occasionally get brought down a little bit. But he's a good-hearted soul.
Exactly. He's a good-hearted, you know? He's a good follower.
He means well. I mean, there's nothing malicious about Patrick.

I think I read it, and you said you like SpongeBob's work ethic,

that he goes to work every day and goes and gets it.

Yeah, I mean, some of the times where he's flipping the burgers,

like he's got four or five or six arms.

He loves it.

He loves work.

Yeah.

Takes pride in his job.

What's there not to love about SpongeBob? That is great. What position would SpongeBob play? What position would SpongeBob be if he was on the football team, Jack? I feel like he'd be a good running back.
He's got quick legs. He's got a motor.
Yeah, he's got a motor for sure. He probably doesn't have an ass to play.
I shouldn't have said that. The A word.
To play either line. No.
No, he's not a – Probably not like a – He skips leg dead. He can't have him be a guard or something because his legs are too skinny.
Receiver. Yeah, he'd be good.
Corner. Yeah, maybe a tight end.
Good corner. I think a running back that catches the ball a lot.
Not in between the tackles. Maybe safety coming downhill.
Yeah, well, he can't really hit. He's a sponge.
That's true. Yeah.
Yeah. A little soft.
He's the future of football, actually.

Everyone's a sponge running around the field. I just love that story.
I saw that, and I was like, I don't think we asked him about SpongeBob last time. I wanted to ask you about one of my favorite things that you ever did in the game.
I think this was at Stanford. You had a package installed.
I think Andrew Luck was injured at the time. but you had a package where it was nine offensive linemen and then Toby Gerhardt for a direct snap and one tight end.
Do you remember that? Yeah, I think we scored a touchdown in the Sun Bowl against Oklahoma on that sweep to the left. Yeah.
I love that package. Do you have anything like that installed in Michigan? No, the most we've gotten to is seven or eight offensive linemen.

It just looks awesome from a fan's perspective on television when you just see just a line of humanity up front.

It's like try to break through this wall.

You can't.

I think we had a pretty cool shift against Virginia Tech, too,

in the Orange Bowl in 2010. It was three different shifts, and the center was, like, lined up as the tackle, and we just shifted them all this way and then shifted two guys back around and then did another shift in emotion.
It was three. It only gained, like, two yards.
It was fun to play with. It was a two-yard game.
And we almost got to delay a game. But it looked great.
Yeah. Are you worried at all about the ball? Do you like our train formation? Which one is that? Oh, yes.
When you have like four guys, basically. The whole 11.
Oh, yeah. You have four fullbacks.
Yeah. No, 11 guys line up.
Instead of a huddle, they line up in a single file line. Yes.
Yeah, yeah. And then you break and then they run.
And the quarterback tells them to play and then they break up to the line of scrimmage. We actually got a touchdown off of that.
It does feel like you're attacking them before the snap. Because everyone just kind of, when they break the huddle, it's kind of intimidating.
Yeah, and then everybody just gets set. Yeah, is that like a mental game that you're playing against the defense at that point, just like giving them a different look?

No, not really.

We saw it.

In fact, my son Jay Harbaugh saw it in a high school game

on high school tape.

I think it was somewhere in Missouri.

The team was running it, and I don't know that that's right.

I'll have to ask Jay.

But it looked cool. Yeah.
It looked cool. Yeah, that's all.
It looked like a good idea, so we implemented it. Yeah, I love it.
Are you worried at all about the bowl games and guys sitting out now? Because I think that's going to keep happening where players are saying, you know what, if I'm going to go to the draft, I'm going to sit out this game. And if they're not the playoff games, some guys will be like, I'm going to make make the business decision which i actually kind of agree with them but i i wonder from your perspective you know i love college football you love college football do you think it hurts the game at all yeah i do and i think it hurts somebody's um i think it hurts their their actual their legacy too you know just what they're about um you know a competitor is going to compete you know they're gonna they're going to go out there and compete.
Everybody talks about it. They're a competitor.
I'm a competitor. I'll compete at anything.
I'll compete at golf or I'll compete at tiddlywinks. I hear people say that all the time, but then they actually don't go play in a football game.
That's, to me, that's a problem. You have a problem now with who you are as a competitor and your legacy.
I put it this way. Ted Williams.
You've got to love Teddy Ballgame, right? Mm-hmm. Okay, so Ted Williams goes into the last day of the season.
Yep. Hitting 399.6.
Everybody tells him, don't play. Don't play tomorrow.

You're already at 400.

Yeah, round it up.

You got it.

You don't have to do it.

People would have agreed with that.

But he said, no, went out and played.

It was a doubleheader, and he went six for eight,

and he ended up hitting 406 for the season.

Now you're a legend.

Not 399.6, rounded up to 400 with an asterisk by it, you went out and hit 406. That's how you get to the legendary legacy status.
I agree with you on that. There's a case to be made certainly for legacy that I don't think anyone would disagree with.
The difference would be like if Ted Williams didn't get paid if he just ended the season,

or if he batted and went 0-6, ended the season under 400, as opposed to rounding up to 400.

So I understand from a financial perspective.

They want to look after their knees, that sort of thing.

But I think you're right on.

It takes a player from a very good player to an iconic player at that school,

if they rise to the occasion in a situation like that.

Yeah, and I'm not demeaning anybody or saying I don't respect anybody. Everybody's got the right to make their own decisions.
You asked me what I think of it. Yeah, for sure.
Do you worry ever about your players doing guarantees when you did a famous guarantee? Because I think there might have been a guarantee before. It's hard for you.
You're in a tough spot. You can't tell your guys, hey, don't get in the media and do guarantees when anyone can look up the famous guarantee you had before the Ohio State game, which is part of your legacy and part of the Jim Harbaugh lore.
Well, I look at it like I don't like when people just do stuff that's already been done. I mean, it's been done.
Do something different. It would be like somebody just totally mimicking Ray Lewis's pregame dance.
I mean, it's been done. He did it.
Right. That's the way I look at it.
Okay, so you've done the guarantee of the pregame. Well, I don't even think I was the first.
Yeah, Joe Namath. Yeah, Joe Namath was the first.
I was probably at the tail end of probably shouldn't have been doing it. You should bring it out, though, one time.
When you're really feeling good. Oh, you never hear a coach do it.
Yeah, that's a good point. You'll be the first coach to do it.
It doesn't really make a whole lot of sense. What are you actually guaranteeing? I mean, it's not like you're guaranteeing.
Well, you're not. What? Or what? Or your money back? Yeah.
Never play football again. You could personally refund all the journalists.
If somebody did that and actually put something... Your job.
If I lose this game, I'm out. That would be...
That would be the first. That would actually be a first.
If that's the case, then... That would be bold.
Or the khakis on the line. You'd say, if I lose this game, I'm guaranteeing it, I'm never wearing khakis again.
You just look at the khakis. You're like, I can't say goodbye to you.
Now we're getting silly. Yeah.
All right. I have two last ones I wanted to throw your way.
The things we didn't talk about last time, but I thought would be funny. The famous Peyton Manning 2012 story when he came for a visit with the 49ers is there truth to that that you guys were throwing catch and uh having a catch and basically you were recruiting because peyton manning was a free agent and um you said to him wow i got a little more mustard on this than you peyton what's going on that one's out there that's out there okay so so the story's already already wrong okay uh it wasn't he didn't visit the 49ers we went to uh we went to durham okay he was at he was working out at duke yep and uh um and we went through a workout he was great we went back to uh the house he was staying at and talked football.
Greg Roman, myself, were down in his basement.

It was like, I mean, he's his mind.

I mean, he's like in the lab.

Yeah.

It was just so impressive.

And so at what point did you like, hey, my arm's stronger than yours?

I never said that.

I never said that at all.

But you thought it.

No, I didn't.

The only real thing I did was, I mean, we were just talking about some of the atrophy he had. And like his right arm was not as big as his left.
Right. Some of the musculature areas.
It was just, you know, I haven't had a day of medical training in my life. So I was just, you know, what's the explanation and the nerves and how they were regenerating and things like that.
Okay, that one's... I just brought...
I might have mentioned that like, hey, that looks a little different there. Yeah.
What's going on? He explained to me how nerves awaken and how they regenerate. So when he explained that to you, you thought to yourself, well, I don't have that issue in my arm, so my arm's stronger than this.
Yes. Actually, my left arm is a little bigger than my right in some area.
What do you bench these days? What do I bench? If I did a max? I don't know. I haven't done really a max.
If you did? If. Let's just say like two plates on each side.
How many reps are we talking?

We're talking 225?

Yeah.

Yeah.

One or two.

Okay.

Okay.

How about you?

Where do you bench?

Probably about the same right now.

Not as much as Brooks Koepka.

Yeah.

We have a bench coming to our podcast.

Bench was never my strongest exercise. Were you a squat guy? A little better than squats.
Sometimes I fail to see what my best exercise was, but it was more of a conditioning. Okay.
It was good conditioning. Yeah, legs, I guess, squat.
I like the one real disappointing thing, if you really want to talk about it. If you want me to fully share all my – Yeah, let's go.
Full embarrassment. Yeah.
It's like a Barbara Walters interview. Yeah.
This is the part where you cry. This is something I feel really bad about.
Yeah. Yeah.
My VMO has shrunk to near nothing. What's that? What is the VMO? The VMO is that – Some people call it that teardrop.
Okay. It's that muscle right – I've never had it.
Like interior of the knee. That guy right there.
That's a nice VMO. That's a VMO.
Oh, you just broke my VMO. That VMO.
Oh, yeah. That's a nice VMO.
He's got a little teardrop. I got a good VMO.
Right here. Look at that.
Got it. You got a flexo.
So you got no VMO left? Pretty much down to nothing. Oh, no.
Once you get the knee brace on there, you'll be fun with it. Now I understand why you wear khakis all the time.
There you got it. That's embarrassing.
You broke the code. No VMO.
That's your jumping. That's your accelerating.
Oh, that makes sense, because I can dunk. You can dunk.
Yeah, well, I used to be able to once. I dunked one time with a ping pong ball.
No. Oh, I actually have a...
He's lying to you. No, I'm not.
I'm dead serious. Look at these calves, coach.
Look. With nine foot hoop.
I need you to motivate me, actually. You're the perfect person to talk to because I forgot that I had gotten convinced to sign up for a rugby tournament this weekend.
I haven't played in three years. And I am kind of a small guy when it comes to being out there on a rugby field.
Can you motivate me that I'm going to make it through this weekend okay and I'm going to punish people and inflict some damage let's listen well instead of motivation let's start with let's start with some uh some tempering let's get the let's get the muscles stretched and okay get them lengthened and and warmed and smooth okay three years you haven't played so i haven't played in three years also i'm very out of shape but so what can i do to get in shape in four days let's bring in uh let's bring in ben herbert okay our strength coach who is that you should interview today ben herbert we love strength coaches he's the best um don brown for sure be a dude yeah be a dude do you do you say that around the facility with no because he doesn't he does it okay so he just he drops dudes all the time but is he are you ever like dude when he says a dude. Do you say that around the facility? No, because he doesn't.
He does it so good. So he drops dudes all the time? Yeah.
But are you ever like, dude, when he says a dude, and you give a little dude, dude off? I try. I try, but it's so not even good.
I love to be a dude. Yeah, but it's...
He knows that. Dude.
You got to be a dude. It's infectious when you hear somebody say it.
It is infectious. He's infectious, and you got to get him on.
Ben Mason. Yeah.
Josh Gaddis. Very young, enthusiastic, but experienced, just kind of like our team.
Dude. He's a dude.
Yeah. I just love it.
If you just feel like we got a team full of dudes, if you do that next Big Ten press conference day, when they do whatever, be like, hey, instead of asking, like, you know, when they ask position battles and everything, We got a team full of dudes. You do that next Big Ten press conference day.
When they do whatever, it'd be like, hey, instead of asking, like, you know, when they ask position battles and everything, she'd be like, we got a lot of dudes. When they ask how you feel about your team being rated pick to win the Big Ten conference, and they go, they ask you, do you feel pressure, or would you rather be ranked there, or would you rather be ranked lower? And your answer is, that's where I would have ranked us? Yeah, and we got dudes.
Should have said dudes. Yeah, dudes.
We got dudes. We got a team full of dudes, and that's all I know.
Yeah, we hope we got more dudes than the other team at the end of the year. We hope we end up with the most dudes in the Big Ten.
You guys have a lot of trophies in the Big Ten. There should just be a dude trophy.
Oh. That should be the end of the season, the championship trophy.
We should have a team trophy. Yes, a team dude trophy.
We can present it. Instead of the toughest guy on the team, we should just – Just biggest dude.
Dude of the year. Dude of the year.
All right, my last question. Another one story.
The samurai sword and the shovel. That's true, right? For recruits.
So explain that. That's biblical.
That's biblical. That is from Neh from nehemiah okay so uh nehemiah is talking about uh build rebuilding the city because it's been ravaged and the doors have been burnt down and there's there's uh holes in the in the wall and so but they have to rebuild and they also have to have a shovel to be able to attack because there's people trying to – they're going to try to penetrate the walls.
So make the football analogy of we've got to attack and build at the same time. And a recruit would walk in your office and you'd be holding a sword in a shovel? As Nehemiah says it, with a sword in one hand and a shovel in the other.
And you would have a samurai sword and a shovel. Sword and a shovel.
He didn't say samurai sword. Yeah, but you had that.
That was the only sword I could find was more of a samurai sword. I'm ready to go as soon as I walk in and see you.
With a sword and a shovel. And they're like, hey, didn't see you there.
And you got a sword and a shovel in your hands. Our most valuable player trophy has a sword and a shovel there we go that's great trophy um i

have one last thing to talk about with you i know you're a big fan of brooks kepka as are we or at

least you were you were disgusted with how uh his character was impugned when they were talking about

like him questioning his work ethic that sort of thing uh or somebody's toughness someone's toughness

is that the worst thing that you can say about a man's question their toughness

uh it's right up there it's right up there at the top i think there's probably worse things

Thank you. Or somebody's toughness.
Someone's toughness. Is that the worst thing that you can say about a man is question their toughness? It's right up there.
It's right up there at the top. I think there's probably worse things.
Right. You know, you could accuse somebody of beating their dog or something like that.
And others. Right.
There's a whole list. A whole list.
Toughness. Yeah, that's.
Toughness that you cross the line. In my opinion.
Yeah. Yeah.
Cal, didn't Cal once do that before Stanford-Cal game? They said you guys aren't tough and you just basically, you know, demolished them. It might have been, I can't remember.
There was one coach who, that's basically the dumbest thing you could ever do, is right before a game question, Coach Jim Harbaugh's team toughness. Because I think you took it out on them yeah that's got me that's i don't remember that specifically yeah but yeah this crossing the line yeah that's that's a little bit too far yeah we got brooks's back too yeah he's our guy he's our guy um he's a dude yeah he's a big time dude yeah he's a big actually you can use the word blake now instead of dude yeah that's something for further down yeah um coach thank you so much.
Thank you. Appreciate it.
We're going to do your podcast too, so look out for that. Awesome.
But we're excited football's back. So we do this every year now, the summer tour for training camp, and it's just great to be around football guys.
Is football your favorite sport? Oh, yeah. And you feel it, though.
Not even close? Yeah, you feel it too. Spring, I mean, summer, it's getting later in summer.
You talk to football guys. You feel training camp coming.
There's nothing better. Go blue.
Go blue. I'm not going to say that.
I love it. I'll say it.
You know I can't say that. Go blue.
And you did demolish the Badgers this year, but the Badgers deserved it. Because that was terrible by them.
Go blue. Go blue.
We're going to get right back to the show. Hey, buddy.
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All right, back to part of my take. Okay, let's get to some segments.
Hank, this is getting pretty brutal here. Yeah.
7-0. Yankees-Red Sox.
Is it time for the over? They don't fucking hit the over. Seven runs in the first.
Okay, I'm not going to get into it, but they scored six runs in the first inning two days ago and didn't hit the over. Is it time for the Dunchain? Oh, Dunchain.
You're going to Dunchain the Red Sox? The Bo Sox? It's about time. They got no picture.
So is that it? Say it. You have to say Dunchain.
Say where you're going. I'm putting the Dunchain on the Red Sox.
And that means if they make the playoffs and win the World Series, you have to cut off your pinky. Nope.
That's not what that means. That's what a Dunchain is, dude.
Bubba's ass. That's a Dunchain, bro.
You just Dunchained yourself. You got to get a cat.
Nope. If they win the World Series, you have three choices.
We'll put a poll up tomorrow. Whichever one the listeners vote for is what Hank will have to do if the Red Sox win the World Series.
You have to atone for the Dunn chain, Hank. Yes, the Dunn chain has its repercussions, my friend.
All right, then I'm not going to put them on. Heavy weighs the neck that wears the Dunn chain.
Okay. First up, we have hurt or injured Antonio Brown and his feet, his gross feet.
So I don't understand what's the injury here, just gross feet? Yeah, he's just sidelined with a set of gross feet. It's blisters, I think, technically.
I've never seen blisters like that in my life, but it's preseason for feet, too. They are some nasty-ass tootsies.
It looks like I don't understand how this happens because I've had something similar, but that's when you don't do anything athletic for a really long time. You're like, hey, I'm going to put on a new pair of shoes and play three hours of basketball.
It does look – Yeah, well – But I'm assuming Antonio Brown's been working out. Probably working out, but he also strikes me as a guy that would do weird exercises that don't necessarily involve football cleats in the offseason.
Yeah, he's just working out in no shoes in his backyard. Yeah, barefoot running up a hill.
Yeah. Beach jogging.
Hot air balloon jumping. The one thing I don't understand about this injury, I feel like everyone keeps saying it doesn't seem to be serious.
Like every report about Antonio Brown's feet says, couches it with they don't think it's going to be serious. means it's probably going to be serious these are the times where god damn it i need rex ryan back on espn analyzing antonio brown's pictures that'd be so funny if he just went broke it down if he was just puked on screen well here's no he would i think he'd like it i think he'd be like here's the there's some ups and downs of these feet they get really that shell, but it's too scrapey.
You cut yourself up. Recircumcise yourself.
You try to fuck those. He's more of a fully moisturized foot guy.
I don't think he would like that. It depends on if it's a win or a loss.
If he's coming off a loss, he might want to punish himself a little bit. I mean, bad.
It would be great, though, if it was just a slideshow of beautiful feet and then Antonio Brown's feet and Rex Ryan puked on air or it might be a knee injury that they're covering up in the NFL one knee equals two feet that's another thing to stay we don't know we don't know the one thing that I know for sure is that this is the time of year when I see anything happening with the Oakland Raiders the only thing that I think of is I can't wait to see this in Hard Knocks. Oh, yeah.
I can't wait to see John Gruden's reaction to Antonio Brown missing practice because his feet have blisters. By the way, good that you brought that up, PFT.
We are flying to Wisconsin on Tuesday afternoon. If anyone wants to email PMTintern at BarstoolSports.com, that's the place where you email for the AMA gold episode.

But if anyone wants to email and show us their living room that they have HBO, we are going to go watch Hard Knocks with an AWL on Tuesday night.

That's a fact.

So send us, basically send us your resume of why we should pick your house and we will

go watch Hard Knocks episode one with an AWL.

Don't be creepy about it.

Lay it out.

Thank you. Send us your resume of why we should pick your house, and we will go watch Hard Knocks Episode 1 with an AWL.

Don't be creepy about it.

Lay it out.

We're going to pick the most normal person.

No weirdos.

We're not trying to get fucked up.

We're not trying to get fucked up.

We have to work, but show us your seating spots, your TV, maybe what you'll give us

food-wise.

Yeah, what's the spread going on?

We might even tape the full show in your living room.

So one AWL is going to, we're going to hang out with you on Tuesday night. Send us your resume.
Also – Don't be creepy. Yeah, a picture of your toilet might be nice too.
Yeah, we're not going to a frat house. So don't – No.
No. Listen, we're – No, we're not frat guys.
We're rugby podcast. We're rugby guys.
Totally different. Yeah.
If you have rugby songs, we'll sing them. Uh-huh.
All right. Stay woke.
What do you have, PFT? Stay woke. This comes to us courtesy of Larry Johnson.
Okay. Former- Grandmama? No, no, the running back.
Got it. Who got ran to the ground by Herm Edwards.
Yep. So he is on top of some very sinister things going on in the NFL this season.
He's very, very woke to this. Adam Schefter tweeted out about Patrick Mahomes' new cereal for charity.
He said, this cereal, Mahomes'

Magic Crunch started selling this week at

Kansas City area stores. Though he hasn't

tasted it yet, Mahomes says he's excited for

it. It's in quotes.
So Mahomes

says he is excited for it

and noted sales help out his

foundation. Unopened boxes of the cereal

are going for $33 on eBay.

And so Larry Johnson

tweeted that and said, funny how

he uses the favorite Masonic

33 number. This is how spellcasting works amongst the sleep.
Magic associated with witchcraft and occult. I'm just going to enjoy this blatant propaganda this season.
So he is on to you, Adam Schefter. I can't think of a story I'd rather, a story I'm rooting for more than Adam Schefter to be an undercover witch.
Yes. Could you imagine if he's just casting spells on people? I wouldn't be surprised.
Nope. I wouldn't either.
Two cell phones. One of them is a magic wand.
Yeah. And that's why he does the whole like, oh, I have to pee every 10 minutes to make himself seem un-witch-like.
Uh-huh. That's exactly what somebody that didn't have to pee would say.
It's called an old red herring. He doesn't piss ever.
Yeah. Right.
Very interesting. Oh, Mel Kiper.
He seems like a witch. He doesn't piss.
No, no, no. You're the witch, dude.
Yeah. Adam Schefter being a witch would be pretty excellent.
Takes off his hair. I'm pretty sure I've seen him hanging out with some brooms before.
Also, I feel like he's right around the perfect height for warlock witch. No, they typically go a little shorter.
Oh, okay. He's like 5'10".
No, he's 5'9". Okay, we have a new segment, Melodramatic, and this is for Carmelo Anthony, which I think we're going to use this segment a few times this year because Carmelo Anthony has now gone to the Stephen A.
Smith School ofith school of redemption he went on first take he did a sit down he said that he was cut by the rockets for things outside of basketball he doesn't want a farewell tour he just wants the ball and now i'm at the point where i just feel bad for carmelo anthony so what were the reasons outside of basketball like i think the the money he was being paid to play basketball to be shitty at basketball yeah okay so not about not a basketball yeah right right that's I'm not in the NBA primarily for non-basketball reasons it's not a basketball reason I'm worth paying money right yeah it's not a basketball reason if you can't play basketball anymore right it's just sad that it's all about the dollars now it's not about the love of the game but yeah I do feel a little bit bad for him we do need him back someone someone please i mean the lakers is obviously our our number one choice but i would love to see him on the heat that would be great watching him play with jimmy butler jay butt the clippers the clippers would be great for the maybe if he goes to toronto and he's like i will fill the shoes of kawaii this year uh-huh that New York. New York.
Get on the Knicks. He was already on the Bulls last year for like two seconds.
Legend of the game. As a trade.
But yeah, no, get him on the Knicks again. He could probably will the Knicks to 33 wins.
Get him on the Nets. Have him win a ring with the Nets.
Go ring chasing. Yeah, have him be the Kevin Durant.
Have that story be written. Like, is Carmelo the answer to no Kevin Durant next year? Good question.
People are asking already. People have been asking.
What's that movie with John Cusack where he holds up the boombox outside the... High Fidelity.
High Fidelity. He needs to do that to every general manager in the NBA, except have it blasting that little Wayne song that drops his name in it.
Was it Swagger Like Us? Yes. Yeah, so just the line where it's saying, like, get jewels like Carmelo or whatever.
Yes. Do that outside Daryl Morey's office, and maybe he'll forget about last year.
Just give us Melo. We need one more Melo.
All right, last up, we have a drunk idea. PFT, you have a drunk idea.
All right, yeah, I had a drunk idea last week, and it remains even more true this week for me. An idea that's just, instead of aumball machine just out in restaurants, have it just be filled with Tums.
Yeah. Why not? I would take one every single time, even if I didn't have heartburn, just like knowing you might get it later.
It would have saved my life this weekend. Every time I eat barbecue now, I wake up in the middle of the night at like 2 a.m.
Oh, yeah. And I just have to throw ate barbecue on friday and went to the gym not to brag but i actually did throw up a little bit so at the gym no after because you can always blame that on working out yeah yeah no no this was a later thing okay where it's like much much later such a piece of shit i don't know what it is i ate a normal amount of barbecue no you didn't no one eats a normal amount of barbecue i ate a good amount of i love i like two pounds of barbecue whenever you go to barbecue you're like okay i'm gonna have a normal amount of barbecue how about the burnt ends the pulled pork hush puppies maybe some fried pickles the ribs just for the table gotta get and we gotta split a thing of ribs that's a normal amount of barbecue we got baked beans we should have split the ribs we got full rack of ribs and then a dessert pie that was literally called a s'mores ice cream pie yeah normal about a normal normal amount of barbecue and just woke up at 2 a.m and just calmly walked to the bathroom threw up and went to sleep we should have it be like um skyline chili where they give you the crackers in the little bowl it's just a bowl of tums and you can put hot sauce on it i love it because who cares you're eating the top circle of life yes absolutely yeah i like that idea a lot call it a tumble machine yeah um so yeah i'm in for that okay just just more tums just everywhere everywhere yes and we're not they're not even a sponsor no they're not saying they just send us free tums so in like everywhere that there used to be a phone booth tumble machine tums actually they kind of they're kind of getting one over on us because they i think the big tums factory wherever that is uh they have us as like their number one influencers and they know us well enough that every three probably three weeks to a month three new bottles of tums just show up yeah at our at our office even when we changed offices they knew right away and they're like guys are suckers.
They're just going to talk about Tums and eat Tums because they eat such pieces of shit. Correct.
And guess what, Tums? You got us. You got us.
You got us. Treat us like dirt and we'll stick to you like mud, Tums.
Yeah, we're in. You got us all figured out.
Now that Hank's on the train, too. Yep.
Everybody's chopping down. We should get a Tumball machine in the office.
We should absolutely. In the studio.
Have a Tumball machine here. All right, so Tums, why don't you, all the free shit we've given you, send us a Tumball machine.
You know our address. Yes.
You know our social security number. And then we can bet on what color Tums comes out.
Yeah, that'd be good. Yes.
All right, that's our show. Training Camp Week, Patricia Wednesday, Baker Friday.
We're going to be in Green Bay Wednesday. Make sure you fill out that application, that resume, PMT, intern at BarstoolSports.com where we're going to watch in Milwaukee.
We don't want to go far, so don't fucking tell me that you're in like Brookfield or wherever the fuck, you know, you're in Sheboygan. We're not going to Sheboygan.
Shout out Sam Decker. Just tell us exactly where, you know, Appleton, fuck Appleton.
No fucking way. Milwaukee, greater area.
Send us your resume and we'll come watch hard knocks with you and probably do the show. Love you guys.
I'm talking away. I don't know what to say.
I'd say it anyway. Today is another day to find you.
Needless to say, I want to say it. But I need some little weight.
I'm learning that life is okay. I'm optimizing on my thoughts.
Don't lie, I'm starting to feel it's right. Oh, there's cats in me.
And dance in me. Don't you see this is your commenter.
Never step back. We'll accept a PMT.

Hank's a cat killer.

Big cat.

Keeps a realer.

I'll go bananas on your ass.

I'm a tiny old gorilla.

Paper thin windows making noise all night like graduation.

Sigma comes loud to the mic.

PMT we ride together.

We're separate.

Never.

Protect this town forever.

This shit's hot like the weather.

Tastes so hot.

They're going to make you sweat.

We're talking away.

I don't know what to say, I'll say it anyway Today's a lot of day To find you need less to stay I won't say it But I'll be stumbling away Just have to learn that life is okay I'm on tonight And my voice don lie. And I'm starting to feel absorbed.
And then let's go. Real quick.
Didn't you see, baby? This is perfect. I know I'm on tonight.
My hips don't lie. And I'm starting to feel it's right.
All the attraction. Intention.
Didn't you see, baby? This is perfection. It's Pardon My Take presented by Barstool Sports.