Dr. Phil, Jacoby Brissett, Mt Rushmore Of Area 51 Raiders And Meats

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Speaker 1 On today's part of my take, we have two guests and two Mount Rushmores. Yeah, we're in the dog days of summer, but that doesn't mean we're not going to keep producing great shows for you.
We have Dr.

Speaker 1 Phil, we have Jacoby Brissette, who has gone crazy on Twitter, but we also may have started a new club with him.

Speaker 1 And we have the Mount Rushmore of athletes you'd like to storm Area 51 with, and the Mount Rushmore of meats. So, PAC show, guys on chicks as well, hot seat, cool, thrown, the regular Wednesday stuff.

Speaker 2 When cool, creamy ranch meets tangy, bold buffalo, the whole is greater than the sum of its sauce. Say howdy, partner, to new Buffalo Ranch sauce only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Speaker 1 Participating, McDonald's. Okay, let's go.

Speaker 1 Looks behind a lot of washing.

Speaker 1 And then I can't name all on the sun.

Speaker 1 Oh no, we're gonna rock down to electric avenue.

Speaker 1 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 1 It's part of my tick to take it higher.

Speaker 1 Excuse me.

Speaker 1 Welcome to part of my tick presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now.

Speaker 1 The ASPCA helps some animals. Today is Wednesday, July 17th, and I have jury duty.
As right now. Right now.
You are currently in a Brooklyn jury pool. Bring your floaties.

Speaker 1 I figured this would be something very easy to get out of business. Dude, I've done it.
I've already got so

Speaker 1 I skipped it the first time. Then the second time they sent me a notice and I went and I said, hey, it's football season.
They're like, hey, we get it. You're a football guy.
They look me up and down.

Speaker 1 And they said, why don't you come back? When's a good time? I was like, how about after the Super Bowl? I skipped that time by accident. And then now we're on the fourth time.
I feel like I'm fucked.

Speaker 1 You just need to show up wearing a Blue Lives Matter t-shirt because then they'll just kick you you off the jury, right?

Speaker 1 You can't sympathize with law enforcement. You can't sympathize.
Either go as a cop or go as a criminal. Go drunk, wear rollerblades.
There's different things I've been thinking about. Yeah.
Doing it.

Speaker 1 Blading would be good. What if I just went and like played YouTube videos loud with no headphones in the whole time? And when they asked me questions, be like, hold on one sec.

Speaker 1 I just want to finish this prank real quick. Can't you just say that you're very religious and judge not lest you be judged? That's true.
That's true.

Speaker 1 There's a lot of it's against my religion to be a a juror. Yeah.
How about

Speaker 1 we have to do interviews and we have to produce content for the people? Yeah, just be like, listen, judge, Madden ratings just came out.

Speaker 1 I have to pour through all of these and analyze which players were snubbed and which players should feel good about themselves. I'll understand.
So that is the big story that's going on.

Speaker 1 Not my jury duty, but Madden ratings, because we are in the throes of the dog days of summer and people are mad about Madden ratings so much so. Did you see Demarcus Lauren?

Speaker 1 Lawrence, who just signed, I think, $65 million. He got guaranteed.
I wouldn't give a fuck at that point. Would not give a fuck, but he said, you're not going to disrespect me and get away with it.

Speaker 1 So he's coming after video game developers. That's a threat to Madden.
And Trubisky was ranked the 20th best quarterback with a rating of 75. That was number one.
Pat Mahomes, number one? I think so.

Speaker 1 I think there was a few people who got 99s. I think it was DeAndre Hopkins, Khalil Mack.

Speaker 1 Aaron Donald. Aaron Donald got a 99.
There was one other person who got a 99. But who cares? It's the ultimate who cares July story, Madden ratings.

Speaker 1 Yeah, as somebody that hasn't played Madden since they lost me when they did the passing vision.

Speaker 1 I couldn't get back into it after that.

Speaker 1 That was when the real gamers showed up. Exactly.
Not to brag. Oh, you're a real guy.
Oh, I still Madden guy? I still Madden for about a week, a year. I buy it.

Speaker 1 I do a season. I turn it off every time I'm about to lose.
And then... Yeah, I just forget about it after that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, once they started doing the live games where they put you in a lobby and then you'd hear like 12-year-old white kids kids call you the N-word, at that point I was like, I think this is really past me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm not part of this culture anymore. Yeah, so Madden ratings, if you want to know what's buzzing, Madden ratings and old face pictures.

Speaker 1 I mean, two hot topics right now. Hot topics.
Now, the old face stuff,

Speaker 1 I'm very interested to see. Can they do videos on that now, or is it just limited to the pictures?

Speaker 1 Because what I want to do, I want to take the Snapface baby picture app, the baby picture filter, do Stephen A. Smith, and then put the old face on that and see if it turns young Stephen A.

Speaker 1 Smith into present-day Stephen A. Smith.
Ooh, a little time traveling. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't like the old faces because I just see it like someone old faced me and I was like, that's probably gonna be in like four years. I just look at the rate of aging that I'm doing.

Speaker 1 I was like, yeah, that's me. I'm old.
Yeah. I'm old right now.
I'm gonna be that old soon. Somebody showed me their picture today, and

Speaker 1 I was like, wow, that's pretty good. That's a pretty good old face.
And it was the picture before they'd put the filter on it. Oh, yikes.
Yeah. Yikes.
Not great.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so a lot of buzz, but we have a big show for you because we have two Mount Rushmores and two interviews. So what's better than that?

Speaker 1 I wonder if you can put the old face on Mount Rushmore on like the stone carvings. Oh, make him even older? Mm-hmm.
Yeah. I could do old face with dogs.
No, don't want to do that.

Speaker 1 You don't want to do that.

Speaker 1 You could do it with Jesus. We always talk about Jesus as the ultimate what could have been guy if he didn't get injured.

Speaker 1 Maybe you could see what 60-year-old Jesus would look like once he got problematic and didn't catch up with technology. Canceled on Twitter.
What about Mbappe?

Speaker 1 He's probably impervious to the old face. He's always on compute.
Yeah. He will never grow old.
He's Peter Pan. Yeah.
All right. Should we do the Mount Rushmores? Let's just hop right now.

Speaker 1 Let's just jump right into it. Yeah.
So one thing we will promise you on this show is we're not going to create content out of, we're not going to squeeze blood from a rock. No.

Speaker 1 We did the Madden Rings. We did the jury duty and we did Sequel Throne.
We were going to do Hot Sequel Throne. Actually, you know what? There was a big story today.
Oh, yeah?

Speaker 1 Blake of the Year runner-up, Brooks Kepka. Oh, yes.
Is ducking tiger woods call

Speaker 1 that's your hot sequel throne all right we'll wait we'll wait to talk about it we're gonna save it for you hank it's a little nice of us it's a teaser here's another teaser you can watch us on part of my take uh or barstow gold.com slash pmt watch our interview with dr phil watch our interview with jacoby brissette in the van watch watch us get contentious on these mount rushmores so what is the order i believe i start this time Yes.

Speaker 1 Because Big Cat went first last time, right? Did I? I went first last time. Hank went first last time, so I go first this time.
No. Because Hank went first the first time.

Speaker 1 I went first the second time. Remember when I went second? We should be able to figure this out.
Yeah, I go first.

Speaker 1 Can we just

Speaker 1 the other day? Yeah.

Speaker 1 It always goes this way. Okay, so you go first.
I go first on the first one. I'm not bullied into it, Hank.
No, I go first on the first one, then you go first on the second one.

Speaker 3 All right, well, it's either it's one of these two ways. So if the cat went second, then he would go first.

Speaker 1 I go first. Okay, right.
Or third. All right, let's go.
So Mount Rushmore, first one we're going to do is the Mount Rushmore of athletes you would like to storm, have on your side storming Area 51.

Speaker 1 So someone tweeted this. They did a terrible job.
We're going to do a better job. The only rule is they have to be alive.
And it could be old athletes, current athletes, whatever. Still alive, though.

Speaker 1 Still alive. Tommy Lasorda is in game.
Still alive. All right.
My first pick. I'll just take Dennis Robin because he knows he went to North Korea.
He can figure out, you know, diplomatic stuff.

Speaker 1 He will be able to talk to the aliens. That's a good point.
And he would have those aliens kissing our ass by the time he was done with them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's a pretty good chance that the aliens are like 90s Bulls fans. Just like Kim Jong-un.

Speaker 1 Very strong. It might just be Kim Jong-un in Area 51.
Who knows? Who knows? Well, they might not be 90s Bulls. Do you think they have TV in Area 51?

Speaker 1 Yeah, for sure. They can watch everything.
Probably live. Okay.
Anytime.

Speaker 1 That wouldn't be a bad gig if you were an alien. You crash land on a planet and they just give you like red zone TV snacks.
Pretty good deal. Pretty good life.
Pretty good deal.

Speaker 1 All right, PFT, you're up. All right, my first one, Bill Walton.
Ooh. Bill Walton would be a trip.

Speaker 1 Not only would he be so excited to meet the aliens, he'd probably just have them eating out of the palm of his hand. They would probably get along real well.
Dangery concerned.

Speaker 1 Yeah, are you worried about him getting to, like, if you're storming Area 50? Not at all. Not at all.
And also, they might not have his chair. Nobody's going to shoot Bill Walton.

Speaker 1 He's going to storm it with his chair.

Speaker 3 He might be the first one shocked because he's so tall.

Speaker 1 Yeah, nobody's. Like, who was the guy in

Speaker 1 the Bond video game? Odd job. No.
No, the other Jaws.

Speaker 1 He's like, Jaws? Yeah. Well, then bonus for me because they're targeting him and not me.
True. Good point.
All right, Hank, you got two.

Speaker 3 Oh, fuck. I forgot I had two.
My first one is Kevin Garnett.

Speaker 1 Okay. Pull up with the Uzi.

Speaker 3 M16s. A couple joints, all of them.
Silence. Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 3 He would just go him.

Speaker 3 My second one, I guess I'll go with Sam Cassell.

Speaker 1 Ooh.

Speaker 3 Just because, you know, maybe if there is any type of like... Maybe these guys are like us, they'll see Sam Cassell and be like, all right, that's an ally.

Speaker 1 Very good call. Yeah, I said that on the last show.
But good job, Hank. I know, I like that.
Yeah. Use what you got.
You picked it. My second.

Speaker 3 Are you the first person to say Sam Cassell looks like an alien?

Speaker 1 Yes, I was.

Speaker 1 That he knows of.

Speaker 1 I literally said when they're storming Area 51, they should have Sam Cassell under a tarp, like that scene in Independence Day where Will Smith shows him, Should I leave this here with you guys and just be on my way?

Speaker 1 And they let him in. No, I.

Speaker 3 You had him on your list? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You had him on your list? I did. Let me see your list.
No, I'm not going to let you see my list. Exactly.
You're going to steal all of them. Go ahead.

Speaker 1 All right, my second one is going to be Adam Orson. Ooh.
Because he's got all the weapons. He's got the survival bunker.
He knows how to get by hard times. He doesn't.
That's a good one.

Speaker 1 He does not. He does not.

Speaker 1 All right. I'm going to go with

Speaker 1 Usain Bolt because he'll just run past everyone. Tough to catch.
Because we're storming Area 51. We don't know what's going to happen with the aliens.
We've got to get in there first.

Speaker 1 Usain Bolt, number one, so I got the speed, and then I'll go with some muscle. I'll go with James Harrison.
That's good. Always plays, always scary to aliens, humans, whoever it may be.

Speaker 1 Carbon-based life forms, at least. He just shows up with his gray sweatsuit, and you know it's on.
That's a good pick. Okay.

Speaker 1 My next one, I'm going to go with Jim Brown. So I don't know if you guys have seen the movie Mars Attacks.

Speaker 3 He can't even stand.

Speaker 1 Barely stand. Have you seen Mars Attacks? He beats the fuck out of no less than three dozen aliens by himself.
But what about today?

Speaker 1 I'm talking about, I'm going on a track record of success here for Jim Brown when it comes to dealing with the aliens. Problematic, but you.
Well, he's...

Speaker 1 Listen, I'm not saying I want to hang out with Jim Brown. You endorse Jim Brown.

Speaker 1 I'm saying that I would like Jim Brown to beat the fuck out of Aliens so they don't beat the fuck out of me. Yeah, you endorse Jim Brown.
Hank. What do you got? Bobby Hole on there, too?

Speaker 3 I have two, right? I will go with CT from the challenge.

Speaker 1 Ooh, good athlete.

Speaker 3 Beast mode.

Speaker 3 He's not going to go down until he takes out as many as he can.

Speaker 1 Good athlete.

Speaker 3 We will go out fighting. Hell yes.
And then my last one, I guess I'm going to go with Kyle Long because I feel like he's woke.

Speaker 3 Like, he's kind of, he probably knows some things about Area 51s that the regular folk might not. And he's just a beast.

Speaker 1 He's good at video games, too, so he could be of use when it comes to shooting lasers and different things.

Speaker 3 Yeah, like a wipe over a ship, and it's like, what do we do in this ship? And he's like, I know.

Speaker 1 He's like, I got this. I've played Microsoft Flight Simulator.
That's a good pick. I can fly this UFO.
That's a good pick. All right, PFT, your last pick? My last one's going to be Marshawn.

Speaker 1 Marshawn Lynch, tough to bring down in any situation.

Speaker 1 Would probably just smoke the aliens out, make them real chill. Yep.
Just hang out and have a little hang sesh back there with them.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's a good pick. I like that pick.
Marshawn Lynch. All right, my last pick, I'm going to go with, and let's not, let's throw out what we recently saw on the beach,

Speaker 1 put Coach O, because there will be a moment where things will get down and he'll be like, I don't know if we can do this. And we'll all look to Coach O and he'll get us back up.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So he'll get us ready to go. What do we got for honorable mentions?

Speaker 1 I had Saquon on. That's good.
Good, tough to bring down as well. Indomic and Sue.
Indomic and Sue. Gronk.
Just step on their crotches.

Speaker 1 Gronk will be good because you show up, and if they're aliens, Gronk will laugh at their jokes and immediately be like, these guys aren't so bad.

Speaker 1 You know, Gronk is a perfect glue guy that you have around that. He'll probably start shotgunning beers and

Speaker 1 smashing monster energies over his head.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I don't care who you are.

Speaker 1 If you see Rob Gronkowski stand up on a couch, if you're in the middle of Area 51 and you're an alien, you see him stand up and just start partying. Yep.
And like, just bring LM FAO along with him.

Speaker 1 Yep. And just get a party going in there.
Yep.

Speaker 1 Tom Brady.

Speaker 3 I just like to spend some time with him.

Speaker 1 Okay. Because you'd like to die with Tom Brady.
Personal pick, yeah. Uh-huh.
I don't hate that. The personal pick.

Speaker 1 What about Nick Sabin? Because he's might, I think if there's anyone who knows about aliens already, it's Nick Sabin. He would try to recruit him.
Right, right.

Speaker 1 He would have them easily, you know, he'd get him in. What does he get by everyone? Like a Dodge Viper? He'd buy him a Dodge Viper.

Speaker 3 He's got got a Mercedes dealership.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 No one cares about uncovering that. But yeah, the Mercedes dealership, you'd get him probably like a three-down lineman on the defensive line, ready to go.
We should just storm,

Speaker 1 like, we should storm Alabama's weightlifting facility and see what's really going on

Speaker 1 there. But point of order, Nick Sabin, I don't think he's an athlete.
He did play college, did he not? I'm pretty sure he did. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, if CT's on there,

Speaker 1 CT is an elite athlete. Oh, I know know he was in college in like the 50s.

Speaker 1 He was like a 5'8 defensive. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, for like a Mac school. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What about Charles Barkley? Another guy who everyone loves Charles Barkley. Just to hang out with?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'd put him in like Hank's bucket where it'd be cool to hang out with Charles Barkley if I was going to die, anyways. Right, right.

Speaker 1 He'd probably crack a good couple jokes right before the aliens skull fuck shit. Yeah.
Sammy Watkins. He's been talking about the spaceship coming back.
Yep. He's probably in tune with those guys.

Speaker 1 Shaq?

Speaker 1 Okay. But again, that is a major case of Jaws.
Yeah, he's so big that he would take any bullets. How about this one? How about Jim Harbaugh? Maybe like a little

Speaker 1 curb your enthusiasm where he looks at his dad in the eyes and they're like, are you me or am I you? And kind of one of those situations.

Speaker 1 I also just think Jim Harbaugh, like, he would never lose a fight against an alien. That's right.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, the original satellite camp was probably the spaceship that brought him down here in the first place. Yeah.
Exactly. Did you see that hilarious video?

Speaker 1 Or it was a picture of the Harbaughs having a kid throwing contest in their pool.

Speaker 1 It was great. It was perfect in all ways because it was, I think it was Jim and John, and they were throwing the kids up in the air, seeing who could throw the kids the highest.

Speaker 1 So you know that Jim was taking it very, very seriously. And then the perfect edition was, and Jack is on the sidelines judging.

Speaker 1 So Jack Harbaugh was at the edge of the pool giving official ratings on which kid went higher. And you know that there was a fight there, too.

Speaker 1 I would have paid so much to be there just so I could be like, hey, how about throwing me and jim be like yeah let's do it let's do it i'll give it a shot let's toss you up in the air uh all right good any anything else bubba who do you have bubba do you have a mic you have a mic that works flip the switch flip the switch bubba this is a momentous occasion probably kyri

Speaker 1 oh yeah there we go bad teammate though or the uh the the baylor guy who was the meme oh sean

Speaker 1 well he's also problematic also problematic although i think he was no was he exonerated yeah I'm pretty sure he might have been.

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure he might have been. That's a really definitive statement by me.

Speaker 1 All right, let's do our second Mount Rush more. Hey, it's PFT here, reminding you that Boars Head makes game day entertaining elevated and effortless.

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So today we're talking Mount Rushmore of

Speaker 1 meats, BBQ eats, favorite food items, throw on the charcoal grill. Okay, my first one.
This is easy. Wings.
Buffalo wings. Whoa, okay.
Yeah, you had to take

Speaker 1 the top meat on a nice drum, the top meat that everybody forgets. That's how you can separate the amateur wing eaters from the pros.
Yep.

Speaker 3 Hank? I will go with bacon.

Speaker 1 Whoa, okay.

Speaker 1 That one going to be a basic pick.

Speaker 3 You didn't see.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 I did not think with pick three I would get steak. I didn't.
It's a value pick. Hank is just like.

Speaker 1 You're one of the epic bacon sriracha guys. That's fine.
Yeah, I just didn't think it. All right.

Speaker 3 I mean, bacon is great for pretty much any meal. Like, any meal, you can have it for breakfast, it's great.
If you have it with lunch on on a burger, it's great.

Speaker 3 If you have it on dinner for some side, it's great.

Speaker 1 Okay, so I'll take. How many meats have versatile? I'll take

Speaker 1 steak and sausage. Okay.
Those are my two picks. Yeah, sausage is good.
Hot Italian sausage. The problem with sausage is sometimes it needs something to go along with it.
Almost always.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 3 My number two, I will go with Kobe beef. Oh, okay.
I had this. I went to a.
Isn't that just steak?

Speaker 3 Yeah, but it's different.

Speaker 1 I went to like a Japanese barbecue. It's reclining, laying down.

Speaker 3 It's like, it's meat meat you put on the grill for like 10 seconds.

Speaker 1 It's meat that

Speaker 1 melts teammates under the bus. Yeah.
Also, Kobe beef problems. Problematic.

Speaker 1 Problematic beef. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The most problematic beef. Also, Kobe beef is one of those things that's gotten thrown around a lot recently where it first came out.
It was like, oh, it actually meant something.

Speaker 1 Now it's like you can just slap the label Kobe on anything. Right.
Right. Nutella beef.
Right. You guys are haters.
Whoa. Oh, okay.

Speaker 3 Bacon and Kobe beef.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Hank,

Speaker 1 I'm just predicting you're going to get buried in this one.

Speaker 1 As the guy who complained that reclining was like laying down, I could make the argument that Kobe Beef is steak. It could be.
They also, I mean, Kobe Beef is the cow.

Speaker 3 No, steak is steak. Kobe beef is beef.

Speaker 1 I'm talking the whole cow. I bought the whole fucking cow.

Speaker 3 Steak. For Mount Rushmore meats, that's pretty.

Speaker 1 Oh, I just go forever. I got a lot of meats.
You done, Hank?

Speaker 3 Are you done criticizing my answer?

Speaker 1 Nope, not at all.

Speaker 1 All right, my next one is. Hey, gentlemen's game.
My next one is going to be a fish that you caught with your bare hands. Yes.
Because

Speaker 1 they always taste better if you grab them yourself out of the river when they're swimming downstream.

Speaker 1 Dude, how about that guy who tweeted me a picture being like, hey, my dad caught a fish with his bare hands? That thing was dead.

Speaker 1 He just fucking grabbed a dead fish that was just floating on the top of the water.

Speaker 3 I mean, people, the internet was pouring in with support for me, telling me how easy it would be. So shout out to you guys.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 And then I got one.

Speaker 3 I also, a guy from Alaska hit me up and was like, if you come out, we can do it. So

Speaker 3 if you need me to take another vacation, I could go out there and make it happen.

Speaker 1 I will allow you. You truly don't believe me.
I will allow that. But you can only be in Alaska for one day.

Speaker 3 But days are like three days there.

Speaker 1 Depending on what time of year you go. Good point.
Yeah. Good point.
The land of the midnight sun. You can land, stay for a day, stay until the sun goes down.

Speaker 1 Fine. Well, no, that could be.
I don't care. He can just go forever.
So we'll lose Hank. Yeah, that was a part of the deal.
It'll be like into the wild. Christian from Kansas.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Hank will end up in the back of a school bus.

Speaker 1 My last one is going. Fuck, I don't know what to choose here.
No, you have two more, but you have one right now. Okay, yeah.
So my second to last one, as I was saying, is going to be...

Speaker 1 I'm going ribs. Good pick.
Ribs is a great pick.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, ribs is incredible.

Speaker 1 It's a wonderful pick. You can do so much.
They're so versatile. Nothing like a nice, crispy rib with the sauce just dripping off it, falling off the bone.
Ribs. Okay.
Ribs.

Speaker 3 Ribs.

Speaker 3 I'll go with brisket.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 Okay, you like those burnt ends?

Speaker 1 I knew you did.

Speaker 1 All right, my last pick, I'll go with

Speaker 1 human liver with some fava beans and a nice candy.

Speaker 1 Put that on there. Jake, put that on there.

Speaker 1 Benjamin Ratspell, a fledgling killer's first flight. Go ahead.

Speaker 3 I will go with the meetup for tickets before the big game.

Speaker 1 Oh, the meetup. The meetup.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Little Hezzy Hay. Hazy hay.
There we go.

Speaker 1 You got it. All right, PFT, your last pick.
My last one, I'm going to go with jerky.

Speaker 1 Just jerky. Just jerky.
Any kinds? Well, I like beef jerky. Okay.
You know what's really good is South African Biltong.

Speaker 1 Their beef jerky. They do it a little bit differently in South Africa.
Yep.

Speaker 1 They have a basic pick.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're right. Jerky is a real basic pick, Hank.

Speaker 1 It's wonderful for a road trip. You can eat it on your couch.
You can eat it with your hands. You don't have to worry about getting messy with some of these other stuff like ribs.

Speaker 1 Bacon can get too greasy. You definitely can't eat bacon with your bare hands.
True.

Speaker 1 Chip a tooth while you eat it. Yeah.
No, not if it's cooked properly. You don't need no teeth to chew that beef.
Wait,

Speaker 1 did I pick four or three?

Speaker 1 I think you did three. You did fava beans and liver.

Speaker 1 All right, I'll do a hot dog for my third.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I just only did one pick there. Yeah, okay.
All right, I'll do hot dogs. Hot dog is three.
Lips on the tree. Hot dog's my third pick.
Human liver with fava beans and an ice chianti stick.

Speaker 1 Those nitrates going. That was a great Mount Rush pick.
That one was contentious. We missed a couple, though.
How about lamb? Little veal?

Speaker 1 Veal scalloped. No, you want to talk problematic.
Let's talk about veal. Okay.
Because talk. It's just little baby calves that never get to see the light.
And they're delicious.

Speaker 1 They're good tasting. No one did.
Oh, you did buffalo wings, so I guess that's chicken. What about a little crab or lobster? Does that count? Crab's good.
What about spam? Do you guys like spam? Nope.

Speaker 1 Spam and fried spam is delicious. Nope.

Speaker 1 It is. It's good.
Fried chicken. Fried chicken.
We could have done fried chicken. Spam is so on-brand.

Speaker 1 I love to fry my chicken, then just throw it on the grill. What does that mean, Hank? Spam is on-brand.

Speaker 3 This is right up there with like the 100,000 boxes of corn flakes and spam.

Speaker 1 Are you just calling me poor? You want to make us? I'm just saying it's very on-brand. Spam is not bad.
Spam is bad. No, it's not.
Yeah, I'm pretty confident saying spam is bad. Not at all.
It's okay.

Speaker 1 That's an ill-all diet. It's government meat.

Speaker 1 It's very cost-effective. Spam and eggs is a delicious breakfast treat, especially if you're a bad person.
How often do you eat spam?

Speaker 1 Once or twice a year for special occasions. When was the last time you had spam? I had spam in a breakfast taco not too long ago.
I think it was like six months ago, seven months ago. Interesting.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I don't believe your spam frequency.

Speaker 1 Twice a year is not that unprecedented. I don't think you do it twice a year.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Make sure you tweet every time you have spam from here on out. I will.
I'll let you know. I'll keep you absolutely informed about that.
All right, that was a contentious two-mount restrooms. We good?

Speaker 1 I'm good. We're going to want to to hug it out, bitch?

Speaker 1 No, I'm great. All right.
Let's do hot seat cool throw and then let's get some interviews.

Speaker 3 My hot seat is pinstripe prestige.

Speaker 1 Ooh, yeah.

Speaker 3 So last night, newly acquired Yankees, Edwin and Carson Acion.

Speaker 3 Fuck.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 He had a home run in a game that they lost.

Speaker 3 Two home runs. Two home runs.
And the MLB tweeted out that the parrot has earned his pinstripes, but they lost the game. And the home runs meant nothing.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I feel like

Speaker 1 you have to.

Speaker 3 And it's fucking July.

Speaker 1 It is July. He's been on the team for like a year.
And it's a game against the Rays. Yeah.
As one of the members paying him.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's right. So he can't.
He's technically a Rays player. Yeah.
He's a carpet bagger.

Speaker 3 You can't earn your pinstripes until you stop getting paid from your former employer.

Speaker 1 I went back, I just searched Incarnacion and pinstripes and just retweeted everyone who said he finally earned his pinstripes. Wait, so good point.

Speaker 1 Hank, did A-Rod ever truly earn his pinstripes if he was getting paid by the Rangers?

Speaker 1 He got the new deal but did he re-earn his his pinstripes after that I think so that's because when he won he won in 09 or yeah I think it was 09 okay yeah all right I feel like if you're gonna earn your pinstripes it has to be you have to hit one walk-off home run right that's how it works I would say so two home runs in a game not pinstripes three if you hit a third now you're mr.

Speaker 1 October yep yeah or you could just be like Mickey Mantle I feel like he earned his when he got a blowjob underneath the stadium stairs at one day remember when uh derek jeter like when the when the World Series went into November, and everyone's like, Mr.

Speaker 1 November. That fucking sucked.
All right. Yeah, that did suck.

Speaker 1 What's your cool throw?

Speaker 3 My cool throwing was Old People Faces, but we talked about that, so I'm going to go with Brooks Kepka's chances for the 2020 Blake of the Year competition.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 3 Blake Bortles has won. Blake Griffin has won.
So they're resting on their laurels. They don't have the drive that they probably once had.
Correct.

Speaker 3 And Brooks Kepka is just, he keeps it coming with his Blakisms.

Speaker 1 He has, if you call it. Yeah, he had two today.
So he had Tiger texted him asking to play a round of golf before the British Open. He just ghosted him.

Speaker 1 So he cares more about the Blake of the Year than he does about Tiger Woods. And then he did an interview where he basically just said, I don't practice

Speaker 1 for regular tournaments. If you see me playing golf, that's when I'm playing golf.
I would say that.

Speaker 3 That's how I feel about working out.

Speaker 1 It's smart of him to not just open up text messages from Tiger Woods, though. Sure.

Speaker 1 Because you're never going to catch a stray text when it's a Blake of the Year time that's just a picture of the dick.

Speaker 1 Tiger Woods probably misfires on a couple couple dick picks at least, you know, three or four times a year. Correct.
Or it's like meetup plans. You don't need those out there, too.
No, you don't.

Speaker 1 Yeah. All right.
That's it, Hank. Great job.
Thank you. Good job, Hank.
I like your hot seat and your cool throw. Thank you, PFT.
You're welcome. My hot seat is the standard.
Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 The standard is on the hot seat because today, Mike Tomlin, I think this was on NFL Live. Somebody tweeted it at me, so shout out to that person.

Speaker 1 Shout out, you, dude. Mike Tomlin said, the journey is the journey.
So we're replacing standard with journey, I think, this year. I like that.
Yeah. The journey is the journey.
Don't stop leading.

Speaker 1 It's the journey. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 The lights go down in the city. It's not when you get there, it's the journey.
The journey is the journey.

Speaker 1 That's a big-time Bill Walton quote right there, too. Yeah, that's good.
That's good. I like that.

Speaker 1 My other hot seat is the Monterey 5 because, as I've been telling you guys, I've been watching Big Little Eyes. Yep.

Speaker 1 And let me tell you, Meryl Streep is a little bit more than a little bit more than that. No spoilers.
No spoilers. I'm just saying, Meryl Streep is wrecking people.

Speaker 1 She's so her little passive-aggressive comments. She is the all-time GOAT when it comes to passive-aggressive comments.

Speaker 1 You ever see a Steve Spurrier press conference when he's talking about Tennessee and they just beat the fuck out of him by like 40 points?

Speaker 1 He's like, I reckon that's the closest game we've ever had with those guys.

Speaker 1 That's what Meryl Streep does, like with these little snide remarks. She's absolutely owning it.
She's going to make somebody do something they regret by the end of the season.

Speaker 1 Calling my favorite nuts. You guys need to watch big little eyes.
That's what I'm getting at.

Speaker 1 My other. Well, no, I had the baby filter, so I'm taking that off.
My cool throne is future Hall of Famer Matt Stafford.

Speaker 1 Oh, because Golden Tate, in an interview today, said that the best quarterback he ever played for was Matt Stafford, not Russell Wilson. Well, he's got some history with Russ.

Speaker 1 Allegedly, he has history with Russell Wilson. He didn't say Nick Foles? Is Russell Wilson going to be a Hall of Famer? Mark Carson Wentz.
Russell Wilson will be a Hall of Famers.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's a Hall of Famer.

Speaker 3 So two Hall of Famers he's played for.

Speaker 1 Yeah, listen, you cuck future, you get in anywhere you want. Well, actually, he has three future Hall of of Famers now because he's playing with Eli.
True. Yeah, great point.

Speaker 1 He's the Hall of Fame maker

Speaker 1 at various times in his career and possibly Daniel Jones. Imagine if Daniel Jones went to the Hall of Fame.
I mean,

Speaker 1 there's a chance he can take.

Speaker 1 Oh, hey, that was a fucking killer. That was good.

Speaker 1 I can't wait for Training Camp to get started just for all the pictures of Daniel Jones standing next to Eli Manning that we're going to get. They always have that stupid open-mouth look.

Speaker 1 It's going to be great.

Speaker 1 My other cool throne is Game of Thrones. Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 Because they led all TV shows with 32 Emmy nominations. That's actually the most all-time.
So the final season turns out it was awesome. So critically acclaimed.

Speaker 1 All you idiots that say that it sucked, you're wrong. Mm-hmm.
Because Emmys matter more than your stupid opinions. 32 Emmy nominations.
It'd be great if they didn't win, though, wouldn't it?

Speaker 1 There's so many that are just bullshit, though. Like set design and all that crap and like costumes and

Speaker 1 how many corpses you can blow up with dragon. They probably are going to win an ME for like Dragonfire.
I mean, set design, you want to talk about it. That one's legit.
You want to talk about legit.

Speaker 1 We're spanning decades here.

Speaker 1 We've got Starbucks Cup showing up. We've got Jewel Pod shows up.

Speaker 1 We've got bottled water showing up on set. It's true.
It's a good point. Mind-bending.
It's a good point. All right, my hot seats is

Speaker 1 cups at Wrigley Field. So it's been a big to-do.
The cup snakes at Wrigley.

Speaker 1 Basically, at the end of games at Wrigley, the bleachers, people will put all their empty beer cups together and make the biggest cup snake they can do possible.

Speaker 1 Our guy, Eddie, who has a podcast called Chicago Dog Walk Barstool, he works for Barstool. He had a

Speaker 1 security guard on named Ligma Balls. Well, he just

Speaker 1 interviews random people. Yeah, he interviewed Ligma Balsack, and Ligma Balsack said.
Is that Polish? Yeah, that's Polish. They said they are trying to stop the cops, and you've got all into it.

Speaker 1 Ligma Balsack then got fired, which is hilarious because at some point in the last week or so, there's been a meeting in the Cubs' offices, executive suites, being like, We got to do something about this Ligma Ball sack guy.

Speaker 1 But it gets better because the Cubs VP of Communication, Julian Green, who you might remember was accused of harassing journalists who wrote bad things about Addison Russell.

Speaker 1 He wrote an email to us and to Eddie and said,

Speaker 1 so now Barstool Sports, Eddie, and Carl are going to go on a crusade for a guy who goes by Ligma ball sack. He wrote this email.
So this is the VP of communications had to write

Speaker 1 for the Ligma ball sacks and I said nothing because I was not a Ligma. For a guy who goes by Ligma ball sack and make him a martyr under the guise of an emergency news brief.

Speaker 1 Eddie says they don't care about the snakes, but Barstool is selling $20 shirts that say, come and take it. You can buy those shirts right now in the Barstool Sports store.

Speaker 1 Thanks for the promotion there, Julian.

Speaker 1 If this is the posture Barstall is going to take with our business and ex-employees, then we'll have no interest in not only future opportunities with fans, players, et cetera, but flag our vote of no confidence with the other clubs and major league baseball.

Speaker 1 I have received numerous messages from colleagues from around the league, including recently from the Cardinals, who call this BS.

Speaker 1 And he goes on to keep going, but he threatened to take away the access we don't even have and cited the Cardinals as saying, yeah, that fun thing that every fan is doing in the bleachers, that's bullshit.

Speaker 1 A vote of no confidence is the biggest pile of nothing that I've ever heard. Like

Speaker 1 reprimanding somebody by saying we had a vote of no confidence in you.

Speaker 1 I don't even know what that means, but that's just something that someone invented to make their job seem like it was powerful. And let me just remind you, we're talking about cups.

Speaker 1 We're talking about cup snakes where people are actually recycling. They're doing a favor to

Speaker 1 the Wrigley Field staff. They're collecting all the cups for them so they don't have to go around and get them after the game.
So the Cubs are actually destroying the environment. Yes.

Speaker 1 The Cubs are ruining the planet.

Speaker 1 Not really, Julian Green.

Speaker 1 Not so green.

Speaker 3 Credit to the Chicago guys. I'm looking on our website store, and these shirts are, they have like 15 shirts.

Speaker 1 Oh, they're so funny.

Speaker 1 Why doesn't somebody just take a cup snake and then wrap it against itself so it becomes a big cup circle? That would be good. That would be tougher to remove.
Caught in it. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it's just one of those classic things where if the the Cubs security did nothing, no one would care.

Speaker 1 And if they just let a couple cup snakes get built, people would probably forget about the cup snakes.

Speaker 1 But the fact that they're aggressively, and I don't even blame the security guards because they're just doing their job. They're probably, you know, college kids working in the summer.

Speaker 1 I blame the people on the business side, not the baseball side of the Cubs, who are so out of touch with the fans.

Speaker 1 And they send emails basically saying, we're going to give you a vote of no confidence over cubs. That's tough.
Cup snakes. That's very tough.
Talking about cup snakes. So what's the way out of this?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 I was saying the best way out of it is if the Cubs had any self-awareness, they'd have Theo dress up like St. Patrick and go and get rid of all the cup snakes in the bleachers.
That'd be fun. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But they don't.

Speaker 1 And it's not even Theo's fault. I don't have anything to do with this.
I don't really see a way out of it.

Speaker 1 Because either they say, okay, we're going to have cupsnake night. And the winner gets like season tickets.
Yes. That's really the only way.

Speaker 1 That is like going 100% the other way in the other direction.

Speaker 1 I tell you what, the way to not do it is have your VP of communications email Eddie and Carl and say, we're giving you a vote of no confidence and the Cardinals have our back.

Speaker 1 What if they just, what if they went like police state with it and started tasing people that made cup snakes?

Speaker 1 It's actually, it's a public menace. Yeah.
It's a danger. These cup snakes.
Get these cupsnakes out of my damn bleachers. I do not like the fact that they are preventing people from recycling, though.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's bullshit. That is bullshit.
We're trying to save our planet. As an environmentalist myself, it's the hottest summer ever.
Yeah, that's right. That's a fact.

Speaker 1 Again, it'll be even hotter next year.

Speaker 1 If you don't stop throwing away all these cups, correct. So, way to go, Cubs.
You screwed that. And again, the Cubs' business side, the baseball side knows what they're doing.

Speaker 1 It's the guys, Crane Kenny and Julian Green. You screwed this one.
And thanks for taking away the access we never had. Yeah.
So you got us.

Speaker 1 All the Cubs interviews we've ever done is in personal relationships. You got us.
You're not going to let us go anyway.

Speaker 1 I was going to say it'd be a real shame if we didn't have to talk to Cubs players all the time on this show.

Speaker 1 We haven't talked to anyone for a long time. I know.
Cool Throne, SEC officiating, because they have a Twitter account now. Oh, good.
So this will be a good way.

Speaker 1 So they created a Twitter account for SEC football,

Speaker 1 the most sane

Speaker 1 fans in the world. And they basically were like, hey, welcome to Twitter, guys.
We're here. They said, hello, world.

Speaker 1 This account will serve as your source for rules, videos, statistics, and activities inside the SEC Video Center. Go easy on us.

Speaker 1 If you don't think that the SEC officials are going to be doctoring videos to make it look like Devin White hit that guy in the head a lot harder, you don't know Southern football.

Speaker 1 I love that someone thought this was a good idea. They're like, hey, what if we got in touch with the fans on this Twitter thing? That would be good.
It's really no win for them.

Speaker 1 So the responses are very funny. A lot of like, hey, I'm an Alabama fan.
Is my check cleared yet?

Speaker 1 But the people who, like, one guy just said, hey, can you please provide an explanation for the missed holding call against Sidney Rice versus Tennessee in 2006? Good question.

Speaker 1 They just went off on all these random things that have happened in the last like 30 years. I've been talking about that.
Yeah, well, you know what?

Speaker 1 At least that fan base probably doesn't have high amounts of internet activity compared to others. I feel like they all just have a Twitter account just to tweet at SEC football officials.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that and recruits. Recruits.
Like high school kids and officials, yeah. Getting into message boards.
This actually could be brilliant, though.

Speaker 1 If we're talking about SEC fan bases, I feel like they're the most likely to find

Speaker 1 the officials' private personal accounts and go after them. So this is just like, hey, no, attack us.
Right. It's a big deal.
Quit going after Cletus Blakeman's profile. Okay, that's actually fair.

Speaker 1 It could be a shield so that they can get away with all this stuff.

Speaker 1 I'm going to reserve judgment until we hear from our guy Paul Feinbaum

Speaker 1 until he instructs us how to deal with this. Bama hasn't played anybody, Paul.

Speaker 1 All right, let's get to our interview with Dr. Phil.
Then we're going to do Jacoby Brissette after that. What's up, guys?

Speaker 1 It's Big Cat here making my Irish entrance with proper number 12 Irish whiskey. How do you make an Irish entrance, you ask?

Speaker 1 It starts with a shot of proper number 12 Irish whiskey because real friends don't let friends Irish exit a party without a story to tell.

Speaker 1 Original proper number 12 is rich in a smooth blend of golden grain and single malt. Age four years in bourbon barrels.
Mix it up with some ginger ale for a classic and refreshing proper ginger.

Speaker 1 In the mood for something smooth but a little sweeter, try proper Irish apple, a delicious blend of proper's award-winning Irish whiskey with crisp, fresh notes of apple.

Speaker 1 So get out there and make your Irish entrance. Anything else just wouldn't be proper.
Okay, here he is, Dr. Phil.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on Dr. Phil.
You know him. You've seen him on TV.
You might have read some of his books. How many books do you have right now?

Speaker 1 Well, let's see. I've got a couple of Baldachis.
I've got

Speaker 1 oh you mean my books? Yeah your books. I've written nine actually.
Nine. Yeah.
Okay. Nine.
Which is your favorite?

Speaker 1 Self matters.

Speaker 1 Yeah it's a lot of work to do but it was a lot of work to write too but that's my favorite probably. Okay.
By the way we should just set the stage here. We are at your house in our van.
Right.

Speaker 1 It's raining out.

Speaker 1 So if you hear the rain, that's why it's a little ambient noise that will probably set everyone at peace. Yeah, did you see me pull in? Yes, you were driving your convertible.

Speaker 1 Convertible in a driving rainstorm. And it starts dousing you.

Speaker 1 I was just coming up the hill and all of a sudden, bam, it just got me. I figured I could get here quicker than I could stop and put up the top.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, you know what they say about the weather in L.A.? Yeah. If you don't like it, just wait five minutes.
Yeah, but I mean, it's supposed to rain.

Speaker 1 It's supposed to rain like again in like, I don't know, November? Yeah. Well, you're right.
That's the thing. When it rains in L.A., you just say, hey, we needed the water.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's only when you take your convertible out. That's when it rains.

Speaker 1 Okay, so Dr. Phil.
I gotta say, I like your studio here.

Speaker 1 Thank you. This is a very vintage VW van, right? Sweet, yeah, 1982, I think.
Yes, it's a good year. Before Big Cat jumps in, I have one quick question about the rain.

Speaker 1 Is it true that it makes people have to use a bathroom? I hope not. Yeah, because we're kind of jammed in here.
Yeah, well,

Speaker 1 we got a bathroom right above it, so if you get desperate, let me know. Okay, we're going to ask a lot of doctor questions just so you know.
I also want to do something where I'm going to try to Dr.

Speaker 1 Phil you during this interview at certain points good luck with that okay well game on yeah game on all right I want to start with something so we are a sports podcast you played football growing up not very well but

Speaker 1 you played in college that's pretty damn good and you also were part of a team that lost a hundred to six

Speaker 1 that's correct although I didn't play in that game oh I have an excuse you're throwing your teammates under the bus though no I have an excuse we that was in 1968 against the University of Houston and my excuse is that's the year that something called the Hong Kong flu, which is kind of like the bird flu now, came through and absolutely decimated our team.

Speaker 1 So we were completely wiped out by the Hong Kong flu. So we were scheduled to play the University of Houston.
Bill Yeoman, the coach at Houston, said, look, don't cancel the game.

Speaker 1 We know y'all are sick. We know you don't have enough players, but don't cancel the game.
It'll cost us a fortune. Come down, we'll play the game, and I'll go to run the score up up on you.

Speaker 1 So, we go down there with 23 players.

Speaker 1 The guy that played quarterback had not taken a snap since the seventh grade. Oh, my God.
And he runs the score up 100 to 6. Can you believe that? And you weren't there? And then that was.

Speaker 1 I was in the infirmary at the University of Tulsa with a lot of my teammates. We were like puking our guts up and

Speaker 1 listening to it on the radio, thinking, oh, God. Was that the end of your football career? No, I mean, I did play later against OU that year, and we got beat 77-7.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 And the headline, I think, was, OU Frosch

Speaker 1 extra points enough to beat Tulsa. Oh, no.

Speaker 1 That sounds mean. I mean, that's chicken.
That's right. Come on.
Yeah, but it's true. Yeah, it was true.
Yeah, 11-7. I did the math in my head.
Yeah, thanks.

Speaker 1 Were you a captain on the team?

Speaker 1 Yes, I was, actually, sadly. I feel like you would be a pretty good halftime speech giver.
Yeah, well, the coach did that, and usually we were getting our ears beat off.

Speaker 1 But you know, we were you know, we had some good games, but we had some bad games, but I enjoyed football.

Speaker 1 I have to tell you remember how the coaches used to tell you men this will teach you about life and I used to think oh, yeah, this will teach you about football not about life But as it turned out it actually did yeah, I believe it so you you kind of consider yourself or I guess a lot of doctors do consider themselves coaches in a way.

Speaker 1 How do you know when you're talking to somebody when to grab them by their face mask and yank them over to you and just want to give them a hug?

Speaker 1 Well, everybody's different. You know, you don't,

Speaker 1 I never confront just to be confronting. I never support just to be supporting.
I do whatever I read in the moment somebody needs to make a meaningful change in their life.

Speaker 1 What do I need right now? Oh, you seem to be doing pretty good. You seem like you're pretty happy.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
You seem pretty chill. You're hanging around in a van.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so just a high five is what I need. Yeah.
How did this van get out here, by the way? We drove it. Very carefully.
You drove this from New York. No, no, no.
We rented it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 From down from like 40 minutes away from L.A. Hey, Dr.
Phil, are you happy? About what? Life. Yeah, I'm pretty happy in my life.
How about you? I'm good. Yeah? Yeah.
What are you happy about? Life.

Speaker 1 What about your life?

Speaker 1 Things are going pretty well right now. Yeah, you got a relationship? Yeah, I am actually going to have a child in a, I don't know when this will air, but in a month.
Oh, you're expecting? Yeah.

Speaker 1 First? Can you tell? Look at my belly. First? Yes.
Boy or girl? Boy. Oh, you know.
Do you want me to name him Phil? Have Have you picked a name?

Speaker 1 If you give me $1 million, I will name him Phil. I don't care what you name him.
Okay. I wouldn't give you 50 cents.

Speaker 1 Hey, Dr. Phil, I noticed you deflected there.
Are you sure you're happy? I'm very happy.

Speaker 1 He's Dr. Phil Philly.
I'm silence there. Uh-oh.
I'm Dr. Philling you.
There was someone. I was waiting for you to come up with some.
No, no, the silence spoke volumes. Yeah, we'll be back.

Speaker 1 All right, so back to sports. That was the first.
You passed that test. Okay.
First Dr. Phil.
A squeak by? Yeah, you squeak by.

Speaker 1 You did a segment once on your show about fanatical sports fans. And

Speaker 1 I did.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you had a guy on who was a Cowboys fan who said

Speaker 1 the Cowboys need me as a fan. They need me as a fan.
So at what point is

Speaker 1 being a fan of a team detrimental to one's life? Well, you know, I have a simple definition for whether something is abnormal or not.

Speaker 1 I mean, if you go to the library and you look up normal, there's nothing there. You look up abnormal, there's stacks and stacks of books, rows and rows of books.

Speaker 1 But if you look up normal, there's like one little pamphlet laying down. Nobody knows what normal is.

Speaker 1 But something's abnormal if it disrupts your life, if it interferes with your pursuit of goals, if it interferes with your relationships, if it interferes with your job, your career. I mean,

Speaker 1 if it interferes, then that's abnormal. And so if you have an obsession with something, whether it's video games, sports,

Speaker 1 your job, gambling, whatever. Yeah, if it disrupts your pursuit of healthy goals, then that's abnormal.
And there are fans that get that way.

Speaker 1 Okay, what about doesn't disrupt my normal life, but totally affects my mood for weeks and months at a time. That's not good.
Are you sure? Because I feel like that's a good idea.

Speaker 1 I'm absolutely more of a fan.

Speaker 1 That's just like a hard, you know, you wear it like a coat of honor.

Speaker 1 You're taking yourself too seriously. He didn't necessarily say it made him feel worse.
It just changes his mood from maybe he feels better. Yes, he did.
He said it disrupts his mood. Yeah, it does.

Speaker 1 In a positive way, though. When we win.
Yeah. Yeah, but what happens when you lose? Bad.
Really bad. Really bad.
Spiral.

Speaker 1 Because I'm a Cowboy fan, and I quit him every Sunday, and then I swear I'm never going to watch him again. Then every Sunday morning, I'm back again.
Right, yeah.

Speaker 1 I quit him, then I'm back again every Sunday morning. Hey, I've got a really dumb question.
Why is it called a shrink?

Speaker 1 Well, I think the idea was that you're shrinking somebody's head, so you're getting in there and pulling everything back together. Okay.

Speaker 1 And from what I know, when it comes to speaking with shrinks, goal setting is very... Is that offensive to use the S-word? Shrink? No.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I didn't know. I didn't know.
I think some people it probably is. They probably think it's condescending.
It doesn't bother me in the least.

Speaker 1 Okay, so I know that goal setting is very important, but for guys like us, if we set a goal and then we don't hit it, that sucks. So

Speaker 1 why would I want to set a goal and then not hit it? Well, you wouldn't. You wouldn't want to set a goal and not hit it, particularly if you're fragile.

Speaker 1 Not fragile, strong. Fragile, actually.

Speaker 1 Nobody hits all their goals, right? So, what do you do if you set a goal, you're really excited about it, and then you fall a little bit short? Well, you adjust and

Speaker 1 go after it again. I mean, you probably made some progress, right? Probably, yeah.

Speaker 1 So, you've got a new base to start with, and you set it up a new plan and go after it again if it's still something you want. Okay.

Speaker 1 What about this? So, we deal with this a lot. We're, you know, we have a successful podcast.
We're online a lot.

Speaker 1 We oftentimes will just read the one or two negative things and gloss over the 98 positive things out of 100. How do you fix that?

Speaker 1 Well, look,

Speaker 1 everybody's got haters, right? Yep. And

Speaker 1 everybody wants to be liked by everybody. You wish everybody thought everything you did was great, but they're just not.
You just have to tell yourself, no matter what you do, I don't care.

Speaker 1 You could change. You could read what those haters said and change everything that they say, accept every criticism, and do your podcast again.

Speaker 1 Either they or somebody else would find something wrong with it. I guarantee you there are people out there that they're going to hate no matter what you do.

Speaker 1 So you might as well just do what you want.

Speaker 1 What is the mentality of a hater? Let's put down the haters because that's how I like to fight back. Like, you're a loser, dude.

Speaker 1 Well, there are those people that just sit in their mother's basement, haven't seen sunlight for weeks,

Speaker 1 go off, don't do doodly squat,

Speaker 1 and they just find fault with other people and disparage the efforts of others. I mean, there are those people that do that, and they get off on it.
I call them keystroke bullies. Oh,

Speaker 1 okay.

Speaker 1 And you know something? They would never say that to you in an elevator.

Speaker 1 That's true. They'd probably say that.
If you were in an elevator,

Speaker 1 if they were were in an elevator, they wouldn't say, hey, you suck.

Speaker 1 Your podcast is shallow. It's terrible.
It's horrible. They wouldn't say that to you.
They wouldn't say that to you if they were walking down the street.

Speaker 1 But they're anonymous, so they'll say it to you on a keyboard. Interesting.
So you actually have a podcast now, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I have a couple. Do you have any questions for us about how to be a successful podcaster? Yeah, how have you? What do you guys attribute to yourself?

Speaker 1 Step one, because you really are successful at this. Buy a van.
That's number one. Yeah.
Step two, we don't take ourselves too seriously. Right.
As you can probably pick up on this interview. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think people like to laugh and get a distraction from the serious parts of life, and that's what we try to do. We never get too serious.
We never talk about subjects that will make people

Speaker 1 upset or not even upset. I'm talking more like we just like to keep everything on the lighter side of life.

Speaker 1 I think you skipped something that I think makes you successful. Go right to it.
I think both of you are really curious.

Speaker 1 I think you're naturally very curious. I am.

Speaker 1 because you ask questions that suggest to me that you really do want to know about people or other people so there's a natural curiosity that to me makes you sound very authentic yeah okay makes me sound like it makes you sound like you really genuinely are interested in whoever you're talking to that's true we want to know really how we can get better at gambling yeah and that's good if you're going to be a gambler

Speaker 1 right we're not very good we're working a goal is to get less bad at gambling yeah that's what I like to do, is set very nebulous goals. So that way I can just say, yeah, I hit that one.

Speaker 1 I got a little bit better, probably. Yeah.
And you lost less money, right? Right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, in 2015, my New Year's resolution was to drink more apple juice. Yeah, I had to go.
I had like two glasses of apple juice, and it was more than the year before.

Speaker 1 I should put that in a book? Yeah, you can do that. You should put that in a book.
That's your 10th book right there. Small goals.
Take the low-hanging fruit. Yes.

Speaker 1 Apples, squeeze them, drink the juice. I like that.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Is there something to be said, though, for doing just the bare minimum when it comes to goals? Like, I like to set really low goals and then sort of, like, roll over the bar.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and then that way you don't ever have to face failure, rejection. Correct.
You're always self-affirming. Yes.
I like it. Is that bad? Long run, is that? It probably doesn't pay real well.

Speaker 1 Wait, is that bad what you just said? No, it's good if it works for you. Okay.
Okay. I'm not sure it pays the rent, but it seems to be working for you pretty well.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You were able to rent this van.

Speaker 1 Are you comfortable right now? I'm okay. No, in your life.
Oh, I thought you meant here. No.
Because you guys are pretty comfortable. Are you comfortable in my cozy?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm pretty comfortable in my coffee. Are you comfortable in your own skin, Dr.
Phil? Yeah. I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin.
How about you?

Speaker 1 I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin. Yeah, how about you? I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin.
Are you comfortable in his skin? Oh, no. I'm not.

Speaker 1 Are you talking about docking? I mean, you like hanging out with him. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
You like hanging out with him? Yeah. We're buddies.
We're best friends. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Does one of you think the other talks too much? Yeah, I think we both think that about the other person, so it works out.

Speaker 1 Exactly. That's a good balance.
It's real Jack Spratt and his wife that eat no lean situation. Our biggest problem is our producer is kind of got a bad attitude.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Does he try to cut you off? Does he bring thunder into things? He takes a lot of vacations. No, yeah, and he also yawns really loudly, like aggressively.
Ready for this?

Speaker 1 That's actually just what it sounds like.

Speaker 1 What would the Dr. Phil life strategy for that be? I'd fire him.
Okay. Damn.
Yikes. Well, Dr.
Phil. Sorry, Hank.
That's Hank right there. I wouldn't care if he had kids, cat, dog.

Speaker 1 I'd just fire him straight up.

Speaker 1 So Dr. Phil's orders.
But then you'd find out that nobody was hearing your podcast because that producer is what gets you on the air. Whoa.
And then you'd go back and hire him. Clock twist.

Speaker 1 And then he would say, hey.

Speaker 1 You're going to have to pay me more to get me back. Damn.
Because when I got out, I felt really free. Damn.
So it's going to be a high price, right, Hank? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You just gave our producer a raise for it. I'll represent you.
Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 You know what? You just picked up Hank's name that quickly. I said it once.
I feel like that is a trait of successful people. Really? They remember people's names very quickly.
Would you agree?

Speaker 1 Who said that?

Speaker 1 I seriously do, though. No, you have to pay attention.
Right. I think people just like hearing the sound of their own name, too.
Right. It just also makes them feel better.

Speaker 1 Whoa, he was listening to that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I have a hypothetical situation. So I did my research on you.
I found out that you were a pilot. Right.

Speaker 1 You still have your license? I do. Okay.
Situation here. You're on a passenger jet.
The pilot starts having a nervous breakdown.

Speaker 1 What is your action? Do you go up and try to counsel him through his nervous breakdown? Or do you say, out of my way, flyboy? I got the sticks. Dr.
Phil's landing this bird. Buzz the tower.

Speaker 1 I would really go up and try to calm him down so the co-pilot could do his job. Okay.

Speaker 1 Because there's two of them up there, you know. That's true.
So you would choose. If both of them were in a meltdown, I would just try to distract this guy so he didn't do something really stupid.

Speaker 1 All right, so let's pretend that this little role play. PFT and I are the pilots.

Speaker 1 Try to calm him down. What the hell?

Speaker 1 I'm so stressed out. I can't fly this plane anymore.
Fuck this all. I'm in the middle of the day.
So much touchy gambling.

Speaker 1 Get this guy out of here.

Speaker 1 I've just done the Microsoft flight simulator. What the fuck? Are you Dr.
Phil? See, there's something about me that's different than other people.

Speaker 1 When I get on a plane, everybody gets on a plane and they just step on and turn right, go to their seat. I never do that.
I get on and look left because I want to look at who's flying that airplane.

Speaker 1 Well, every single time I have never gotten on a plane that I didn't look the pilot in the eye. Dr.

Speaker 1 Phil, if you got onto a plane and looked at me and then looked at Dan and then continued on to that plane, that says more about you than it would about us. You get right back on.

Speaker 1 You got yourself into that situation. All right, everybody.
Follow me. Yeah, we're out of here.
Oh, here's a good question. Have you ever wanted to be a psychiatrist for a mafia boss? No.

Speaker 1 Not at all? Not even after watching The Sopranos? No.

Speaker 1 You're afraid you'd fuck them? Yeah, I'm afraid I would. I'd love the Sopranos.
I'm afraid I would wind up floating with the fishes. Ooh, that's a good point.

Speaker 1 I'd say something, I wish I hadn't said, piss them off. Next thing you know,

Speaker 1 they're standing by your car in the parking lot. It's interesting you say that because you are very direct.
That's kind of what you're known for. I'm pretty direct.

Speaker 1 Have you ever, does that ever cause tension with some of your patients that you've had in the past?

Speaker 1 All the time.

Speaker 1 People, sometimes it's very difficult to hear the truth.

Speaker 1 And I don't think I'm the repository of all knowledge, but I'm going to tell people the truth as I see it because I think they deserve that, right? I mean, if people, I think,

Speaker 1 particularly now, I think if people are willing to write in,

Speaker 1 And people that I talk to on Dr. Phil have written in an average of, I think, something like 28 times or something by the time they get on.

Speaker 1 They go to all that trouble, pack up, get on a plane, fly out here willing to go public and sit down and talk to me.

Speaker 1 I think they deserve clarity. I don't think they should go home wondering what I think about their situation.
I think they at least deserve to know clearly what my opinion is.

Speaker 1 They don't have to agree with it. Hear it if it won't withstand challenge, throw it out.
But they shouldn't go home saying, hmm, wonder what he thinks.

Speaker 1 Interesting. I think I should be clear.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Say something about millennials. They stink.

Speaker 1 Well, millennials are a little different because they've grown up in a different, a completely different world than I grew up in. I mean, even when I started Dr.

Speaker 1 Phil, the first tweet had not been sent. There were no smartphones.
There wasn't social media to speak of. They've grown up in a completely different world.

Speaker 1 I mean, I've got two boys. They don't know what a library is.
They don't know it's a big book with buildings. Everything is Google.
What's a

Speaker 1 big building with books? Wikipedia. Yeah, they just don't know.
They find it all on the internet. So they've grown up in a completely different world than I grew up in.
So they are different.

Speaker 1 It's the biggest shift from one generation to the next since the Industrial Revolution, in my opinion. Oh, interesting.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's, I think we get, so we're actually, the plot twist there is that we actually are millennials. Right.
So I wanted you to say something really bad, but you didn't. But I agree with you.

Speaker 1 It's very hard for... I feel like we get a bad rap for the most part.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't think it's necessarily bad. It's just different.

Speaker 1 You guys grew up. I took typing in high school.
And now, typing for you guys, I mean, it's like reading your ABCs. You guys are so much more tech savvy than we are.
It's just unbelievable. But

Speaker 1 I don't have a bad opinion of millennials. It's just a different world you grew up in.
Yeah. What about Fortnite? You had someone who's addicted to Fortnite on your show?

Speaker 1 uh-huh yeah how'd that go well you know actually there is

Speaker 1 a lot of research that suggests that the pleasure centers light up and some of the same pathways light up from

Speaker 1 video game addiction as light up from other types of addiction that you really can get so involved and so dependent on playing some of these games that it can be very painful to stop. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, I know a lot of people that are addicted to to their phones. Yeah.
Because in general, how do you break addiction?

Speaker 1 Because right now, I'm afraid to look at that little thing on my iPhone that tells me how much screen time I've had in a given day. Mine's like eight hours.
I will not wait. I found that.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 it's scary. Yeah, it is scary.
How do you break that addiction? Well, you know,

Speaker 1 that's a myth. People think you break habits.
You don't break habits. What you do is replace one behavior with a different behavior.
Just start smoking.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you start smoking or gambling, something like that. It'll get you off your phone because you can't use your phone at the gambling table.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's a great point. It's a way to get off your phone.
That's right. I pay you the big book.
Good advice, man. That's right.

Speaker 1 I had a tweet I wanted to throw out there just because we're coming clean. This is, you know,

Speaker 1 client, what is it, doctor-patient confidentiality

Speaker 1 between us right now? There is no such relationship between us.

Speaker 1 Right now, nope, I said it. I declared it, so it is.
I wrote in 2014, Dr. Phil on Sports Center talking about Cleveland's love-hate relationship with LeBron.
I'll just put my head in the oven instead.

Speaker 1 I don't know if that was about you or LeBron, but I wanted to just get it out there. So, what did you, you wrote that? I wrote that.
What did you mean? I don't know.

Speaker 1 I don't know if it's because I hate LeBron or I hated you at the time. I have no idea.
But I thought it needed to be addressed. Do you like Cleveland? No.
Do you like LeBron? No. Do you like me?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. You must have been talking about LeBron then.
Okay, I guess I was. Don't you think they had a love-hate relationship with him? Yeah, so explain that he loved him.

Speaker 1 Explained when he leaves, I mean, they just, they hate him because

Speaker 1 the number one need in all people is acceptance. Number one fear is rejection.
He rejected the cities and I'm out of here. So they all felt rejected.
We're not good enough. You're leaving us.

Speaker 1 So that hurts. So they really had a love-hate relationship with him.
That's very interesting. Because they all felt a connection to him.
Yeah. So he comes back and you think the whole city is like,

Speaker 1 I don't know if I'm ready to love again. Like a little skeptical.
Your dad comes back in after spending two years down in Miami getting cigarettes in the middle. And now he's out here in L.A.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you love him? You know, I don't know why he came here. I don't know why they moved all that money.
Movies. Maybe so.
Yeah, there's a lot. I mean, it's a bigger commercial market, right?

Speaker 1 La La Land. Yeah, so you can get a lot of it, more endorsement.
Yeah. Tincil Town.
He's got a lot of good things.

Speaker 1 He's got the biggest endorsement deals probably you can ever get, but he's in a bigger market. So, yeah, probably more entertainment, I guess.

Speaker 1 We talk a lot about the clutch gene on our show, but I think what it is really is mental toughness, right? Can you build mental toughness in a person that doesn't have it already? Sure.

Speaker 1 How do you do that? Well, it's a matter of somebody observing themselves perform under pressure. And so they attribute to themselves the ability to perform under pressure.
You only do...

Speaker 1 We form our self-image by watching ourselves do what we do. So if you see yourself fold under pressure, then you attribute to yourself, I fold under pressure.

Speaker 1 But if you see yourself take the shot and make it, you go, hey, I held up under pressure.

Speaker 1 You see yourself make that critical pass under pressure, you say, when it got down to it, I stayed cool, I executed, I'm a clutch player. You only know that by observing yourself do it.

Speaker 1 That's how we form our self-image. We make self-attributions based on self-observation.
Something related, do they serve ice cream on your private plane?

Speaker 1 No. Really? No.
Why? Because there's no freezer. Oh, why not? But they don't.
What kind of cut-rate private plane is that? Come on, Dr. Phil.
There's no freezer. You're not an ice cream guy? No.

Speaker 1 Well, I love ice cream. Yeah? Yeah.
So let's get it on the private plane. A-Rod's got it on his private plane.
What's the point of having a private plane without ice cream?

Speaker 1 That is pretty punk, isn't it? Right. I'll have to look into that.
Right. Like, I just want to eat ice cream on my private plane.
I'm a PJ. You should do that.
I don't have a private plane.

Speaker 1 Can I do it on yours? Problem solved. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I'll even look at

Speaker 1 the pilots for you. Okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He'll be your pilot eyeball guy. Yeah.
Yes. Yes.
Hired man. I know them very well.
Yes, man. Okay, fine.

Speaker 1 So can you do us a favor? We have a running bit.

Speaker 1 It's called Big Ben's Walking Boot. Ben Rothesburg, you always get hurt.
And your voice sounds very similar to what we use for the voice for a walking boot. Really? Yeah.
It's like a, oh, Ben.

Speaker 1 I suspect you tell that to everybody. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Hey, Ben. Oh,

Speaker 1 your touchies are looking mighty cold. Just smuggle up inside this boot.
So, can you just say, hey, Ben?

Speaker 1 Do you want to put this boot on?

Speaker 1 Hey, Ben, you want to put this boot on? Yeah, that's exactly right. That's it.
That's it. That's perfect.
That's Big Ben's walking boot. There you go.
And scene. That was great.
You nailed that.

Speaker 1 How much, serious question, would you attribute your success to your voice? Because it's very smoothing, soothing, and smooth. Really? Yes.

Speaker 1 I would think people wouldn't find that to be the case. Not as comfortable.

Speaker 1 But I tell you what, it is different than most people on television, right? Right. And I look different.

Speaker 1 In Hollywood, everybody looks like Johnny Depp or something, right?

Speaker 1 Nobody looks like this. I've seen better heads on a nickel beer.
This is, I mean, nobody looks like this on TV, right?

Speaker 1 Tony Kornheiser.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I mean, at least it's distinctive.
Joe Flavi. Larry David.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 Dr. Phil.
Dr. Phil.
I read an article that said.

Speaker 1 I read an article that said 78% of men would rather amputate a part of their body than be bald. Yeah, I'd agree with that.
It depends on which part. Well, is that

Speaker 1 a pinky or something? Well, no, it's tough to ask me because I actually gambled, made a bet last year that I'd cut off my pinky if the Texans won the Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 So I would very much give away the tip of my pinky. Would you cut off your little toe rather than be bald? Oh, 100%.
Not even a question. You wouldn't even think about it.
Are you serious right now?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 See, i listen you the little toe doesn't do anything here's what i'm gonna teach you a lesson dr fill you ready for this i'm ready i'm okay you are fabulously successful insanely wealthy how do you know that well we're sitting in your house and it's very big uh but insanely wealthy very successful top of your profession me sitting here i can always be like but i'm not bald yeah so that's like that's the only way a hater like me can get one over right so that's where that's where it comes in that's the psyche of it you know?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I decided a long time ago, you have to embrace weaknesses, I guess. So I decided to make it a trademark.
You got me there. Well, actually, we got me there.
Make it a trademark. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, the first book I wrote, Oprah said, you'll find it. He's got his big old bald head right there on the front of it.
I thought, well, what the hell? That's me. Yeah.
So I just embrace it.

Speaker 1 So I'll put my big old bald head on every book. Yeah, no, that's true.
Trademark is big. Scott Van Pelt, he's bald.
Good point.

Speaker 1 Just so many people. Yep.
He's all successful, though. He might go bald.
That's the key to success. Maybe that's the deal.
Just go bald. Okay, I retract my pinky toe offer.

Speaker 1 I would take my pinky toe back and go bald. What about a toupee? You ever thought about it? Never.
Just for a day? Never. You shaved the mustache.
What was up with that? Well, Oprah shaved it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What was the story behind that?

Speaker 1 We were at Radio City Music Hall, and she just wanted to shave it off. And you said, okay, Oprah's still the boss? Hell yes.

Speaker 1 Want to shave it off? Okay. Yeah.
So is there that dynamic? It was just a goof. It was a lot of fun.
A goof, but is there that dynamic? Because obviously Oprah helped you get your start.

Speaker 1 Is there that dynamic that she's kind of always

Speaker 1 not the boss, but seen in that light? She did not help me get my start. Okay.
There would be no Dr. Phil without Oprah.
She didn't help me get my start. She gave you your start.
She created me. Yes.

Speaker 1 She created my start. Absolutely, 100%.
There would be no Dr. Phil without Oprah.
Right. And she's one of my best friends in the world.
We've been friends for 25 years.

Speaker 1 We knew each other for several years before I was ever on her show. So do you, you brought up your voice earlier.
Do you actually do any training to keep that Texas accent?

Speaker 1 Do you go spend time in Texas? Do you watch Dallas reruns? No, I'm actually this country. Yeah.
It's that far in you.

Speaker 1 I was in Texas and Arkansas Monday and Tuesday of this week. You don't have to go back very often for it to just stay in full bloom, trust me.
Yeah, because you should keep that. The second Dr.

Speaker 1 Phil walks out on stage, like, sad, dude, so let me know what you're all bummed out about today. That's when I'm changing the channel.
Yeah, my

Speaker 1 son was in Arkansas a few weeks ago, and he called an Uber driver, and it was a taxi that had scraped taxi off the side. And he got in, and the guy said,

Speaker 1 You want cold beer? There you go.

Speaker 1 He said,

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 You want cold beer? I'm having one.

Speaker 1 And he said, Really? He said, Yeah, we DSR here. He said, What do you mean? He said, We do shit right.
There you go. So that's my people.
Put that in your book. That's my people.

Speaker 1 Do shit right is a great title for your next book. Yes, do shit right.
D.I.

Speaker 1 eating ice cream on a private plane. That's right.

Speaker 1 Go ahead, PFT. I was just going to say, what's up with MK Ultra?

Speaker 1 The what? MK Ultra. Are you familiar? Nope.
So, back in like the 70s, a bunch of psychiatrists and psychologists were working for the CIA. They dosed people with LSD

Speaker 1 and then they brainwashed them.

Speaker 1 Do you would you like to apologize? Yes. On behalf of the profession, that was a real chicken shit thing to do.
Yeah, it was.

Speaker 1 Fuck, I would have been part of that. Yeah, that would have been cool.
Yeah, no, that's not

Speaker 1 good. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, we, in our line of work, we get a lot of cease and desists, lawsuits, whatever. You've been in litigation before.
How do you fight off the haters like that?

Speaker 1 When you get a cease and desist, do you just throw it in the trash like we do?

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 people bark. Let them bark.
You know,

Speaker 1 You got to tell the truth as you see it. And I'm not one to disparage others.

Speaker 1 I just don't really do it. I tell the truth as I see it.
If that steps on people's toes, I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 But I'm not someone to single somebody out and disparage them.

Speaker 1 That's just not what I do. It's not my personality.

Speaker 1 I'll talk about issues. I'll talk about my beliefs or opinions, but I don't usually attack an individual.

Speaker 1 Okay. Have you ever attacked an individual?

Speaker 1 I actually don't know the answer. Have you ever been in a fight? I'm actually thinking.
I have no idea the answer.

Speaker 1 No, not publicly. No, I don't do that.
I mean, I don't go on the air and say so-and-so is a jerk. Fuck this guy.
No, I don't do that. Right.
When was the last time you got in a fight?

Speaker 1 Oh, gosh. That'd have been probably in college football.
Oh, it's been a while, huh? You think you can still scrap?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. I mean, I moved like a cat.

Speaker 1 That's the last question we were going to ask.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there we go. Zanya.
Zanya, yeah. I hate Mondays.
Yes, that's perfect. I think we're here on a Wednesday.
That's perfect. I'm not going back to college to be your friend.

Speaker 1 I'm going so I can get Uber One for students. It saves you on Uber and Uber Eats.
I'm there for $0 delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 10% off smoothies, and 6% Uber credits back on rides.

Speaker 1 Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think college is for.

Speaker 4 Get Uber One for students, a membership to save on Uber and Uber Eats. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student.
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Speaker 1 Can you give us just like some tips or life strategy? You have a book called Life Strategies. Can you dumb it down for dumb guys like us? Just be like, hey, here's the key to happiness.
Money.

Speaker 1 Power.

Speaker 1 Range Rovers. Being taller than you are.
Yeah, video games. Ice cream on private jets.
Getting stronger. Do you want us to write a book for you? I think you pretty much covered the list.

Speaker 1 You've got it. Not being happy with your money so you need more money.
Being able to bench a shitload of weight. Yeah.

Speaker 1 My advice, seriously, is if you want to get ahead in this world, figure out why people do what they do and don't do what they don't do. If you figure that out, you got an edge on the world.

Speaker 1 Think about that. If you figure out why people do what they do and don't do what they don't do, then you understand the dynamics of life.
That makes a huge difference.

Speaker 1 I've been focused on that since I was 12 years old. That's fascinating.
Everybody in this van, when you said that, all did the same thing, by the way.

Speaker 1 We all looked up trying to think of what they don't do, what they don't do.

Speaker 1 Now I think I got it, and I think I know why I don't do what I don't do. Don't do.
And now that I've conquered that, I can conquer anything.

Speaker 1 I don't smoke weed on Sundays. Why not? Because we have to work.
Yeah. I don't drink on Saturday nights.
Well, that's a lie. I have to work on Sundays.
That's That's a lie.

Speaker 1 I don't drink as much on Saturday nights as I do on Friday nights. I started to say, I was going to have totally bullshit flags on the bottom.
Yeah, yeah, no, no.

Speaker 1 I'm not believing that. You're a good lie detector.
You've been lied to before. I'm not believing this.

Speaker 1 I don't do things I don't want to do.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't believe that either. Yeah, no, that's what you do.

Speaker 1 You're married. I always do stuff that I have to do.
You've got a baby on the way, so I don't believe that. You always got to do stuff that I want to do.
I have one last question for you.

Speaker 1 You've already asked your last question. No, he asked his last question.

Speaker 1 So this is what's great about having two people interviewing is that you're always unlimited last questions. It always goes.
How come reverse psychology never works? It does work. Gotcha.
Damn. Boom.

Speaker 1 Wow. You just got Dr.
Phil. You just got Dr.
Phil. You just got Dr.
Phil. I was softening you up for that first.
That was easy.

Speaker 1 Dr. Phil, that was easy.
That was really easy. Can you answer Adderall? Each get a last question? Yeah, you regret the fact that we both get last questions.
I think both of you are on Adderall.

Speaker 1 And I seriously doubt that you have prescription scores.

Speaker 1 Fuck, no comments. If you do, you should not have prescription scores.
Okay,

Speaker 1 you think our minds work too fast. Yeah.
Yeah, no, this is, it's kind of scary. I think you're overspeeding the computer here.
When we get cooking, this is not this is biker crank right here.

Speaker 1 This is just, this is good old-fashioned three hours of sleep, baby. I do want to apologize for something because I was scheduled to do this in New York, and I got stuck in ridiculous traffic.

Speaker 1 And so I showed up late. So I said, I will, you said you were coming to LA, and I said, I'll do it when we're in LA.
And you're mad, you're worried.

Speaker 1 No, I don't say something, but I'm not going to do it. So I apologize that I wasn't there on time, and I appreciate you guys coming here instead.
And how much do you wish that we didn't reschedule?

Speaker 1 How much do you wish you had just never said because we just embodied you at the end? I was glad.

Speaker 1 I was glad that you came. And I think this is very inventive that you do this in the van.
Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 1 Are you going to spiral after this? Like, is this going to be a do we need to

Speaker 1 help you out here? I think you're happy. I think I'll muddle through.
Are you sure you're happy? I think I'll muddle through. That's your sixth last question.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like, imagine if we get a story tomorrow, Dr. Phil spirals because he got bodied in the back of a van by two idiots.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then how are you going to feel? You're going to be going, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
We will fit by the van. Oh, we will take so much credit ass.

Speaker 1 Oh, in the back of a van. You better believe it.
You think that 100 to 6 lost

Speaker 1 rutting around?

Speaker 1 You know the type of guys we are.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know this, Dr. Phil.

Speaker 1 Where do I send the cease and desist letters? I'm going to throw it away. Send to the trash, right? Directly to the trash.
Special files.

Speaker 1 But up the middle, man. Yeah, exactly.
Do you want to plug your podcast one last time? No, you don't want any of our listeners to go. No, see what is.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 You guys can plug it for me sometime.

Speaker 1 Dr. Philip's.
Thanks, you got multiple. I got Fill in the Blanks, which is an interview.
That's fucking smart. And then I got

Speaker 1 a bunch of things. Yeah, my son did that.
And then I've got Dr. Phil Analysis of Murder.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 Analysis of Murder by Dr. Phil.
We're looking inside the heads of murderers. Do you remember when you did this gift? This.

Speaker 1 Do you remember that one?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Here, I'll show it to you. It's the best gift of all time.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 No service?

Speaker 1 That's smart because then he knows we can never get that gift. You can never get the gift.
No one in your house can ever get the gift because you have no service. You got jamming service out here?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Jamming software? Yeah.
Does Dr. Phil get serious? You know which one it is.
You know which one I'm talking about. You know which one it is.
You guys will never get out of here alone.

Speaker 1 You know which one it is.

Speaker 1 No, I'll do it again.

Speaker 1 It's what you're going to do right after this interview.

Speaker 1 Does anybody have service? It's what I'm doing inside now.

Speaker 1 Screaming for help. I'll look it up later.
I'll probably get away with that. That's a great gift.
All right, Dr. Phil, thank you so much.
Last question. No, just kidding.
Appreciate it.

Speaker 1 All right, guys. See you later.
Thank you.

Speaker 5 The Pro Football Football Show is presented by the Chevy Silverado. Built for the hustle, ready for the game.
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Speaker 5 Whether you're grinding through the week or gearing up for kickoff, the Silverado is one ride that's always game ready. Just like football, it's about grit, grind, and getting it done.

Speaker 5 Head to Chevy.com to learn more and build your own Chevy Silverado.

Speaker 1 And now...

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on quarterback, backup quarterback for the Indianapolis Colts, also Super Bowl champion, Jacoby Brissette.

Speaker 1 And most importantly, Jacoby, we're going to talk about football, but I think the thing that everyone has in their mind right now is

Speaker 1 what's going on with your Twitter account right now. We've got to go through these questions first.

Speaker 6 I think my Twitter was hacked. That's where all these questions are coming from.
I guess that's what everybody blames it on.

Speaker 1 It was hacked by Kyrie Irving. Yeah.

Speaker 6 What's going on already?

Speaker 1 Yeah, so

Speaker 1 let's start there. We do want to talk a little football, but your Twitter questions have been electric recently.

Speaker 1 Have you gotten answers to anything? I'm going to read a couple of them out loud and we can dive into anyone you want, but like sitting here, what shape is the sky? Whoa.

Speaker 6 Yeah,

Speaker 6 that's funny.

Speaker 6 So I'm in this group chat. It's called the Finer Things Club, so I have to shout them out.

Speaker 6 It's three other dudes. One name's Jack, Josh, and Travis.
And we just bounce these dumbass ideas off each other's head.

Speaker 6 You know, Josh texted me that this morning, and I was sitting there thinking about it, and I just asked.

Speaker 1 Well, do you have an answer? Like, I was just thinking about that earlier, too. Like, the sky just takes up whatever enclosure that it's in, right? It's like a gas.
Is it a circle? I don't know.

Speaker 6 Yeah,

Speaker 6 I still have yet to get an answer. Everybody keeps saying it's flat or

Speaker 1 it's

Speaker 1 the sky is flat. I like that.
The Earth's not flat. The sky is.
Yeah, the sky's flat.

Speaker 1 What about you? You asked the question. This is how you came across our radar.
We've been asking this question a lot last couple years. If the sun is hot, how is outer space cold?

Speaker 1 have you got an answer to that

Speaker 6 yeah uh so nasa uh like reached out to me and gave me some uh very elaborate answer that left me even more confused but it kind of clarified it a little bit but uh

Speaker 6 the answer didn't justify me so i still pose that question uh you know most of the answers i get is me getting a drug test and

Speaker 6 getting ready to get it randomly drug tested. I'm like, well, y'all have given me enough time to prepare.

Speaker 1 so I should be good. I mean, that's kind of what NASA does: they answer your question by making you more confused.
That's their strategy. They're like, hey, don't ask all these hard questions.

Speaker 1 Instead, put on this really stylish shirt that says NASA on it and just believe everything that we tell you. Yeah.
Not always the case. So, like, some people say, space is a vacuum, right?

Speaker 1 Well, if space is a vacuum, I think you actually brought this point up. I've never put my hand inside of a vacuum.
I don't know what it feels like in there. Exactly.

Speaker 1 I put other parts of my body in a vacuum. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 6 I ain't going that far.

Speaker 1 What about

Speaker 1 which part of the pig's skin is actually a football? That one gave me a big-time whoa.

Speaker 6 Yeah, so

Speaker 6 Wilson Football reached out to me about that.

Speaker 1 And they kind of,

Speaker 6 they explained that it was never pig skin. It was cow skin.

Speaker 6 And I go, because I went like, and I asked, and I said, so where'd the stand, let's toss the pig skin come from?

Speaker 6 And it was actually cow skin. So I said, so now I was thinking myself, now I should just go around and just start saying, like, let's go toss the cow skin around.

Speaker 6 But it's not made out of cow skin anymore. So it was another elaborate answer.

Speaker 1 That's so weird. I don't know why they called a pig skin then.
That's kind of bullshit to me.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I think a lot of the answers are bullshit.

Speaker 1 Well, how about this one? This is one that we've been debating on this show. I think we've been in constant debate on this show for the last three years about this one.

Speaker 1 Does a straw have one hole or two?

Speaker 6 So I was going to ask that question this morning, but my club, one of my club members, told me that I shouldn't,

Speaker 6 but

Speaker 6 I have yet to know that answer. I would go two,

Speaker 6 but he told me that it was an easy answer, so I didn't answer it. So I didn't ask the question, but I would say two holes.

Speaker 1 Wait, why is your club trying to silence you? I think you need... Are you woke about your club stopping you from asking the hard questions?

Speaker 6 No,

Speaker 6 I give them a lot more respect than I should, is what you're saying

Speaker 6 but

Speaker 1 if they can answer the questions then I kind of don't answer them I don't ask them because they're kind of I'm kind of the smartest person in that group so therefore I should have they should have been able to answer questions has uh have you asked any of these questions to uh your buddy Andrew Luck or I feel like Jim Ursa would have some interesting perspective on on some of this

Speaker 6 Andrew doesn't have Twitter, so I doubt he he probably sees it, but I'm gonna have to give him a call and see what he he'll give me some historic background on all these topics.

Speaker 6 So I had to block off like four hours of my day.

Speaker 1 Are you in Andrew Luck's book club?

Speaker 6 Hell no.

Speaker 1 Yeah, okay. Do you want to be in Blake Bortles Wikipedia club?

Speaker 6 Even more hell no.

Speaker 1 What? Wait, you didn't even let me explain it.

Speaker 1 All we do is we look up two random Wikipedia pages once a month, and Blake Bortles calls in and we talk about them.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I'm going to have to pass on that.

Speaker 6 I'd much rather read an actual. Wikipedia just isn't.

Speaker 6 I'd much rather watch, I meant read off Ask Jeeves than Wikipedia.

Speaker 1 And Ask Jeeves Club. Jacoby Brissette Ask Jeeves Club.
We can do something.

Speaker 6 If we can start that back up, then I'm all for that.

Speaker 1 Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Ask Jeeves is around. Wow, you're going to bring Ask Jeeves back from the dead.
AskJeeves.com.

Speaker 6 I'm trying to.

Speaker 6 You can't quote Google anymore, so you got to go ask Jeeves. I never got a

Speaker 6 bad grade on my paper from Axe Jeeves.

Speaker 1 I just typed in askjeeves.com. It took me to ask.
So I could ask, let me ask Jeeves real quick. What shape is the sky, Jeeves?

Speaker 1 And it says,

Speaker 1 oh, it's just like a Google search.

Speaker 1 But it takes me to some real woke YouTube videos, so I might have to check those out later.

Speaker 6 See, the government's probably hacked XG's, though. You can't really

Speaker 6 be careful what you search these days.

Speaker 1 You know, I like that.

Speaker 1 So I was just, I was checking out the new Madden ratings today. Have you looked at your own rating yet?

Speaker 6 No, but actually, my brother just sent it to me like five minutes ago.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think it's fucked up. They only have you, your awareness is only a 74, but the fact that you're asking.
I thought it was bullshit myself. Yeah, you're asking these tough questions.

Speaker 1 I feel like they're really underselling. You should be like at least in the 80s on awareness.
You're 71 overall.

Speaker 6 My thing is, who's giving these ratings out from Madden? Like, that's the real question I should ask tomorrow.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 6 I think it's bullshit.

Speaker 1 I thought it was just Madden. It's just John Madden.
John Madden tape. He just throws the numbers out there.

Speaker 6 He doesn't know me.

Speaker 1 Well, he's probably watched your tape.

Speaker 6 That is true.

Speaker 1 That is true. We probably have a couple people that work on the Madden franchise that listen to this show.

Speaker 1 If you're listening right now, please explain to me how Jacoby Brissett's awareness is only 74.

Speaker 1 We'll get that up to the next one.

Speaker 6 They gave me a 79 speed, which is a total lie because I ain't that fast. So I'll take that.
Tell him to keep the speed up.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Do you swear in front of Andrew Luck?

Speaker 6 I think I swear in front of everybody.

Speaker 6 It's a

Speaker 6 bad trade. I'm trying to change it.
Y'all aren't helping, though.

Speaker 1 Does Andrew Luck swear in front of you? Because he doesn't. The mic'd up Andrew Lucks are always the funniest when he pats people on the back and says, good job, nice sack.

Speaker 1 And he's overly, overly nice.

Speaker 1 Is he putting on an act or is that just how he is?

Speaker 6 No, he is kind of dorky like that. I mean, he has his moments where he kind of, you know, spazzes a little bit, but for the most part, he's actually like that dorky.
So

Speaker 6 it's kind of not fake.

Speaker 1 I like that.

Speaker 1 What is, so you get to go on

Speaker 1 one of the coolest, I would say, guy trips every year with Tom Brady when he takes all those guys to the Kentucky Derby. What is that trip like?

Speaker 1 You guys all hop into a private plane together and go to the Kentucky Derby?

Speaker 6 Well, we all meet each other there. The first year we did,

Speaker 6 what was it, my rookie year, and then last year, because I was in Indy, and he was they were at boston so i drove up because it's like a two-hour drive for me so i drove up uh

Speaker 6 but it's it's a it's a great trip you know you just you don't remember it you just go back to your uh your text messages and see what what the hell everybody was saying but uh it's a great trip did you win any money win any money on the horses this year

Speaker 6 This year, no.

Speaker 6 I think everybody in our group probably lost besides Matt Castle.

Speaker 6 Yeah, and then, but the year before I won, so I was kind of like ready to bet everything thinking that I was going to do the same thing again, and then

Speaker 6 I left empty-handed.

Speaker 1 So, this, don't, don't take offense for Andrew Luck in this question, but I have to ask, you come in, I probably won't. You come in the game for Hail Marys.

Speaker 1 Does Andrew ever look at you like, man, you're kind of the alpha of that relationship if it's strictly a throwing the ball the farthest thing? Does he take any offense to that?

Speaker 1 The fact that you get called in to throw the ball

Speaker 1 60 yards down the field?

Speaker 6 no that was just one time uh but i i still consider myself the alpha in a group yes but uh yeah that was that was just one time and uh you know it was so crazy because he was just like cool with it and i was just like wait what the hell just happened because it happened out of nowhere i kind of knew it was gonna happen like probably like the series before because they said for me to hell mary i'll go in and throw and then

Speaker 6 you know andrew was like all right cool I was like, you sure?

Speaker 6 And then it was just one play. But he made sure that I never did it again.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 6 I guess he kind of took control of that.

Speaker 1 How far can you throw a football?

Speaker 6 Last time I thrown it, like completely, I was probably 75.

Speaker 1 That's pretty far. Did you see Odell Beckham? He threw the ball like 90 yards.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I kind of questioned what size ball that was.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Question everything.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I mean, listen,

Speaker 6 I'm not doubting his athletic ability, but

Speaker 6 that that looked far as hell. Yeah, if he could do that, then he should probably switch positions and get another 100 mil.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Did you hear what Mike Rabel said about winning a Super Bowl? That he would cut his own penis off for it?

Speaker 6 Yeah,

Speaker 6 that was actually pretty funny.

Speaker 1 Have you? He probably would, though.

Speaker 6 You should hold him to that. I hope every team just loses so they can win.

Speaker 1 I'm rooting for the Titans to win the Super Bowl now because he'll have to cut it off. Have you asked, would you ask Coach about that?

Speaker 6 To cut his dick off? Yeah.

Speaker 1 wouldn't i wouldn't ask any dude anything about his penis nor will i tell him to do that if we win that's a little a little too far we learned that with doug marone you can talk about it in you know your own dick cutting it off for super bowl but never talk about another man's penis and cutting that off for the super bowl yeah and i don't think i don't think it's really worth it to be honest with you like i mean

Speaker 1 kids super bowl i mean yeah

Speaker 1 which one's more important that's true um when you were traded from the Patriots to the Colts, did Belichick sit you down and tell you why or anything?

Speaker 6 Yeah, he said because at the time Julian had got hurt and we were looking for a receiver, and that was pretty much it. And

Speaker 6 I was just froze sitting in front of him. I wasn't talking.
He wasn't talking after he told me why, so I just got up and left.

Speaker 1 That's it? You still haven't talked to him since then?

Speaker 1 No, I saw him at the Derby, so it was all good.

Speaker 1 That's like you guys just ended the conversation and walked out.

Speaker 6 Well, yeah, it was just like, all right, good luck. You know, I was like, all right, I guess.

Speaker 6 I don't know what the hell is going on right now.

Speaker 6 And then I had to get on the flight and go to Indy.

Speaker 1 I love it. I love it.
All right. My last question.
Because you are a very curious guy, do you have any questions for us?

Speaker 6 Questions for you guys. Well, are y'all going to give me answers or tell me that I just need to get drug tested?

Speaker 1 Probably, probably the latter. Yeah, give it a shot.
Listen, I'm not a drug guy, but I'm not going to cast aspersions on you if you are.

Speaker 6 All right, so I have

Speaker 6 a couple that I have. I got all of my thoughts and my notes on my phone.

Speaker 6 So if 2% milk is 2%, what's the other 90%, 98% of it?

Speaker 1 Paint. That's a good question.
That I don't know. Hank, you know? Chocolate? Butter.
Oh, butter. Butter, okay.

Speaker 1 Butter.

Speaker 1 There you go. That was our producer, Hank.
He just answered that one for you. Next question.

Speaker 6 Gosh, all right. Yeah.

Speaker 6 Who was the translator between Caveman and the language that we speak now?

Speaker 1 The Rosetta Stone. Ooh.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 dude, we had a guy on the podcast who created the Game of Thrones language. He literally just created it out of thin air.

Speaker 6 So we're pretty much just talking gibberish, is what you're saying.

Speaker 1 Yeah, to other people, yeah, for sure. Yeah, it's just our special kind of gibberish that we agreed that would make sense to us.
It'll fuck your mind up if you think about it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was like, everyone, be cool. Just go along with it.

Speaker 1 I hear you.

Speaker 6 All right. My last question, and I'll let y'all answer this one.

Speaker 6 This Area 51 shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 6 What's y'all take on that?

Speaker 1 Well, we went into it

Speaker 1 on Monday's podcast, but we think it's a setup. We think it's a setup.
We don't know who's setting up who.

Speaker 1 So it's either a setup by the government to get the crazy people offline, or it's a setup by the aliens to get rid of all the people who believe in aliens

Speaker 6 I think y'all need to be drug tested

Speaker 1 all right Jacoby Brissette thanks man we're gonna start the Ask Jeeves club so

Speaker 1 you're gonna have to you're gonna have to call back in when we do our ass jeeves club all right perfect man thanks thanks for having me all right thanks man

Speaker 1 That interview with Jacoby Brissette was brought to you by Rough and Rowdy 9. Rough and Rowdy 9 is going to Fort Bragg, North Carolina for a red, white, and bruised beatdown this weekend.

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There's always that one guy that you're going to want to know. Everyone's going to be talking about on Monday.

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Speaker 1 Okay, let's get to some segments. First up, we have Bachelorette Talk for guys that don't watch The Bachelorette, But Hank watched The Bachelorette.

Speaker 3 It was Fantasy Sweet.

Speaker 1 Okay, you gotta watch that. You had to watch it.
Yep. Okay, you get a pass.
This is why we watch. Yeah, this is why we watch.
Basically, like watching porn. Sky stuff.

Speaker 3 Yeah,

Speaker 3 it was electric. It was a great night of TV.

Speaker 1 It's like softcore porn. Yeah, like

Speaker 3 you make your predictions before you're like, it was four people going in because Hannah pulled an unprecedented move of bringing four instead of three. She was just like, I want four guys.
Yep.

Speaker 3 The first guy, Pilot Pete, he got it in the windmill.

Speaker 1 What do you mean?

Speaker 3 What does that mean? That's where the fantasy suite was, was in a windmill.

Speaker 1 Inside a windmill, like Don Quixote. So they went on a date.
I thought you were talking about mini golf here. No, no, no.

Speaker 3 They went on a date. You know, he confessed his love, all that shit, and then they went in a windmill and did it twice.
Banged?

Speaker 1 Twice? Yeah. Pilot Pete, save some for the rest of the world.
They made sure to note that

Speaker 1 how romantic is that, though, if you're inside a windmill and you just know that all these birds are dying outside from all the blades knocking them down? They also cause cancer, right?

Speaker 1 True, that is true. Yeah.
Not a great place for it. Anyways, go ahead.
Congratulations on nutting twice, Pilot Peter. Sorry that you nutted so fast the first time.

Speaker 3 Uh-huh. And then Tyler C, who's like the heartthrob of the season.
Yeah, of course.

Speaker 1 You don't tell us that.

Speaker 3 Yeah, they were doing like a little massage session. He kicked out the masseuses and started doing it himself.

Speaker 1 Started making out, getting hot, and heavy.

Speaker 3 But then Hannah was like, you know, our relationship's too physical. I like you a lot physically, but I don't, you know, I don't want to go in the fantasy suite because that's all our relationship is.

Speaker 3 And he was like, that's fine. I respect you.

Speaker 1 I hate you as a person, essentially. Yeah, but he was like, But

Speaker 3 he was like, I respect you, whatever. I just want to sleep with you and talk all night, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 3 So, and the next morning, she was like, Yeah, you know, great night. Like, we didn't do anything, but like, he, he was very respectful.
Wow.

Speaker 1 So, that was an upset.

Speaker 3 That was a big time upset.

Speaker 1 I'm calling bullshit on that because if a girl says, like, I love you physically, but then I don't want to be physical with you, that is, that just doesn't make any sense at all.

Speaker 1 No, he just, she just hates him as a person.

Speaker 3 And then, Jed spent basically the entire, his entire date shitting.

Speaker 1 Tennessee Jed. Is he? Yeah, Tennessee Jet.

Speaker 3 He spent the entire date shitting on Luke P. Like the entire time was just like, I can't believe you're still talking about Luke P, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 I thought you were meaning like literally in the fantasy suite. It was like Cincinnati Steamer on it.
No,

Speaker 1 it's like a date.

Speaker 3 They go on a date, and then she pulls out the card and she's like, do I want, she makes a choice of whether or not to go to the fantasy suite. Oh.

Speaker 3 So on the date, she was shitting on Luke P the whole time. It didn't seem like it was going good.
But at the very end, he somehow slid his way into that fantasy suite. And got it on?

Speaker 1 Got it on. Fuck yeah.

Speaker 1 Jumping back to the massage thing real quick, that would actually piss off a lot of girls if she was getting a massage from a professional and you're like, hey, get out of here so I can take over.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 You haven't seen Tyler C, though.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you have to. What's he like? Man rocket.
Man rocket, man rocket. Man rocket.
All right, last Luke P.

Speaker 3 Luke P then tried to slut shame Hannah P. was like, yeah, you probably, like, because he's a religious guy.
And he was like, I'm going to be, he's like, let's talk about sex.

Speaker 3 I'm going to be a virgin until we're married. Like, you probably had sex this week.

Speaker 1 And she was like, what the fuck? Fuck you, Luke P.

Speaker 3 So Luke P just just got absolutely shit on. She made him leave.
Like, basically, was like, get the fuck out of here. I hate you.
Like, I don't want to talk to you, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 3 And he was like, go, girl. He did the thing where he like wanted to talk, but she was like,

Speaker 3 I have nothing else. He's like, can I talk? She was like, no.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 3 But he wouldn't get up and leave.

Speaker 1 Oh, bad move. Fuck that.

Speaker 3 And then his final move before he got in the car was, can I pray over you? And she was like, no.

Speaker 1 Yes, gonna pray on it. That's a good move.
Bless your heart. It always fucks P.

Speaker 3 He's like, I'm sorry. Can I please just pray on you? She's like, no, get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 1 She wouldn't even let him pray. Well, guess what? You don't need somebody's permission to pray for him, right?

Speaker 1 Well, no, if you want to pray on them, pray on them. Oh, he was saying P-R-E-Y, not P-R-A.
He wanted to pray on it. He wanted to creep around outside of it.
Yeah, get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 3 So she went two for four. A little fun nugget for you guys.
I know, you know, you're very invested in the season.

Speaker 3 But it's come out, it's been leaked that both Pete and Jed have had girlfriends for like the entire season.

Speaker 1 Oh, so the two. Is that cheating? Yeah.
No, not if it's on TV. I don't think so.
Well, Jed is on TV. Not if it's in a windmill.

Speaker 3 Jed is the guitar player, so he told his girlfriend, he's like, oh, I'm going to go try and make it famous. And now he's in the final two.

Speaker 1 Smart. But I heard Luke P.
Didn't I see some tweets that Luke P might come back?

Speaker 3 He was in the next week on. There's no way.
Luke P is done.

Speaker 1 Yeah. There are a few places where

Speaker 1 cheating is not cheating. I would say a windmill.
Pretty much anything that is on a mini golf course, like a clown's head. If you're fucking side of a clown's head, that's fair play.

Speaker 1 The first night of Real World, when everyone's like, yeah, I'm here, but I have a boyfriend or girlfriend back home. They get so drunk.
Yeah. And then they end up marrying the person.

Speaker 1 Well, so just if you're drunk, if you're drunk, it doesn't count. Correct.
Correct. Not cheating.
So Luke P? No. Luke.
Tennessee Jett.

Speaker 3 As Jedded, Pete, and Tyler. Got it.

Speaker 1 All right. Also,

Speaker 1 if you're an SEC football coach in the back of a motorcycle, that's fine too. Also, true.
You can just get rehired. Yes, absolutely.
PFT?

Speaker 1 I'm going to go with, yeah, who's the Man Rocket? Tyler. But he didn't fuck.
Yeah, it's fine. He's just saving up for later.
Got it. Good job.
Yeah, if you're not.

Speaker 1 The only thing about not fucking is you can't be accused of being bad at fucking. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 She'll be less able to compare him to the other guys that she fucked if there's a little bit of distance in between them. That's smart.
That's a smart move.

Speaker 1 All right. Let's do thoughts and prayers for Big Baller Brand.
Yeah. So what happened?

Speaker 1 They are selling their shirts that used to be $50 for $5 now. So I'm not a math guy, but I think that's a 90% reduction.

Speaker 1 I never, ever saw this coming. It sucks.
It's like, you know, you think that the United States is a good place for businesses and for big ballers?

Speaker 1 Well, not with all this regulation because something, I don't know what the problem was the big baller brand because the business plan was solid.

Speaker 1 They had great spokespeople getting free advertisement all the time. And now they're just relegated to the discount racket Kohl's.
Yeah, damn. Never, never saw this coming.

Speaker 1 The rise and fall of big baller brands.

Speaker 1 Can't wait for the 30 for 30 on this one. Woo! It's going to be a short, but yeah, I can't wait for it.

Speaker 1 It's going to be like one of those 90-second ones that they play in between a rerun of the OJ one.

Speaker 1 Yeah, basically, once LeVar Ball realized that only one of his sons was good at basketball, then that's what I'm saying. And

Speaker 1 then, yeah, yeah, exactly. All right, take Quake before we get to guys on chicks.
PFT, let's do yours because yours is actually way better than mine.

Speaker 1 Okay, this comes to us courtesy of Twitter user Lady Pale Rider. Cool name.

Speaker 1 She says, unpopular opinion. White people love dogs so much because deep down they miss owning slaves.
They love the owner and master dynamic, desperate for something to control. That is heavy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's very, very heavy. Now, very heavy.
I'll say this. I don't really control my dog.
I actually control

Speaker 1 opposite. Stella does me.
Whatever the fuck she wants. Leroy is way, way more in control of this relationship.
Yes, that means power dynamic.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Stella does literally whatever she wants, whenever she wants. He could kill me if he wanted to at any given second.

Speaker 1 And he doesn't because he loves me. Think about it.

Speaker 1 I actually am a servant to Stella because every day I wake up and I give her food at the exact same time and then she goes back in bed and hangs out all day and then I come home and I give her food again.

Speaker 1 That's right. Do dogs love being pets so much

Speaker 1 because they miss owning slaves? Yes, they love, they have just butlers that follow them around. Yeah.
I pick up my dog's shit. Yeah.
Good point. Good point.
I throw a tennis ball for her.

Speaker 1 She never gets it. We're getting very mad about this.
All right. Yeah.
That was a good take, quick though. That's shit.
All time. You got to really dig deep.
You got to get deep in it.

Speaker 1 You got to be someone

Speaker 1 who can't be bothered with Madden ratings. As a white guy, I love owning dogs so much because they just love me.
Right. And I just, I need to be loved.
And boops. And boops.
And boops.

Speaker 1 You forget about the boops. Boops.
All right, guys on checks to wrap up Wednesday.

Speaker 3 Dearest cat daddy Hank and PFT. My boyfriend is atrocious at driving.
He constantly zones out, misses turns, and slams on his brakes at the last second. He also doesn't believe in shortcuts.

Speaker 3 What a monster. I prefer driving the both of us, but sometimes, due to circumstance, he takes over.
How do I tell him he sucks at driving without crushing his ego?

Speaker 1 Go, Bills. You just, I feel like this is just one you got to go down with.
You can't do it. Yeah.
Yeah. You got to just

Speaker 1 let him be reckless and hope that when he dies, you're not in the car. At what point do you get worse at driving as you get older? I think when do you peak? It's like

Speaker 1 65

Speaker 1 is when you start being like, I don't need to, I'm going to just go directly into this parking spot without lining it up. I'm going to drive

Speaker 1 only in strip mall parking lots. Like, you get one, I remember my grandfather used to just get from point A to point B solely in strip mall parking lots.
You wouldn't go on the road. That's good.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You stacked up the street.
That's where a lot of stuff. Yeah, that's when you get old.
One other option, you could just sit in the back seat and yell at him.

Speaker 1 You can say whatever you want to the driver if you're in the back seat. True.
But if you're side seat, that's when it becomes an issue. Yeah, sit behind him

Speaker 1 because

Speaker 1 drivers will always try to save themselves. So if you're sitting shotgunned, you're more likely to die.

Speaker 1 That's science. Okay.

Speaker 3 Hey, PMT, how long do you have to date someone before you can start wearing your retainers to bed again?

Speaker 1 Like, together, you have two retainers?

Speaker 3 No, she probably has like a bedtime. Like, she's probably sleeping with her boyfriend and wants to start wearing her retainer to bed.

Speaker 1 I got, well, here's the real answer: is after you have sex, you can do whatever you want for the rest of the night. Because

Speaker 1 the guy's just going to fall asleep and he won't care what it is you do. True.

Speaker 3 I was going to say actually talking about the metaphorically, like how long in a relationship?

Speaker 1 Before you can bust out the retainers and be like, hey, putting on my, putting on my head brace here to keep my teeth straight. Do people actually wear their retainers? I stopped wearing mine.

Speaker 1 I think people do it at night. Yeah.
I think so. Just so they don't grind their teeth.
I'm going to say

Speaker 1 the

Speaker 1 first time he shits around you, like where you can smell that he has taken a shit recently, then you guys are safe. Yeah.
Or,

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 if we're talking about like moving in together, living together, the second that you start storing feminine products at his house, like some tampons,

Speaker 1 what have you.

Speaker 1 Once you're tampons,

Speaker 1 once you make a little nesting spot for your cotex inside of his medicine cabinet, at that point, you own the house legally. Toothbrush, all-time feminine products.

Speaker 1 Chicks love love brushing their cheeks. Guys, gross.
Couldn't be me. Mouthwash.
That's all you need.

Speaker 1 I just eat, like, I eat another meal. Trying to get rid of the taste of last time.
Two little trident. Boom.
Done.

Speaker 3 My boyfriend is a grade A mama's boy to the extreme.

Speaker 3 He's 22, and his mom still makes him bring his younger sister along whenever he does anything. And his mom makes

Speaker 3 the conversation cut off because I missed the rest of it.

Speaker 1 Fuck. Okay, well, we'll fill it in.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Got it? Hold on.
His mom makes his little sister watch when they have sex.

Speaker 1 Him and that's fucked up. I'm going to say that's fucked up.
Listen, I don't care if you're Ted Cruz, what kind of porn you're watching out there.

Speaker 1 It's not the place of a little sister to watch you and your mom have sex. That's between you,

Speaker 1 your mom, and your dad.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 you have the right now to bring this up and be like, enough is enough.

Speaker 3 All right, last one.

Speaker 3 Sup, Big Cat, PFT, and Grizzly Bear Hank. Ooh, nice.
Okay, because I can catch fish with my hands.

Speaker 1 Oh, you can't. We can't, yeah.

Speaker 3 My guy friends at college told me that they had a thing called a penis reveal when they all moved in freshman year.

Speaker 3 Is that a real thing or am I dumb thinking that they did that?

Speaker 1 Why did he fucking let this secret out? No, it's normal, yeah. I mean,

Speaker 1 I thought everybody knew that.

Speaker 1 Literally, before we even came up with a name for this podcast, we showed each other's dicks. You have to know what you're working with.
Right.

Speaker 1 You have to know exactly what everyone's got. Yeah.
It's actually a lot like a gender reveal. Right.
You just pop a balloon and there's a picture of your dick inside.

Speaker 1 It'd be like not knowing, like, okay, this guy is good with his hands. This guy is, you know, can dunk.
This guy could do it.

Speaker 1 You need to know everyone's dick size so that if you ever get in a tricky situation, you know who to call upon. I think it's weird that women don't show them their each other like their vaginas

Speaker 1 when they move in at the pillow parties. Oh, the pillow fights.
Yeah, that's true. Exactly.

Speaker 1 Okay. See everyone.
Raiye. Love you guys.

Speaker 1 Hey

Speaker 1 young

Speaker 1 me

Speaker 1 It's Pardon My Take presented by Bar Stool Sports.