Ice Cube, Jaguars Head Coach Doug Marrone, And Mt Rushmore Of Animal Traits You Wish You Had

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Speaker 1 On today's part of my take, we have a two-fur, two recurring guests that we love, Doug Marone and Ice Cube. We do get into it with Doug Marone about Blake Bortles.

Speaker 1 We talk Jags, and then with Ice Cube, big three

Speaker 1 and a little redemption for PFT and his rap the last time that Ice Cube was on. I actually thought the first rap went pretty well.
I did too. But this one was even better.

Speaker 1 So Ice Cube is now, I think, best friends with us. Yep.
We have a little tennis talk because there was a Wimbledon championship. We have a who's back and Mount Rushmore

Speaker 1 of animal traits we wish we had.

Speaker 4 Before we do all that, when cool, creamy ranch meets tangy, bold buffalo, the whole is greater than the sum of its sauce.

Speaker 4 Say howdy, partner, to new Buffalo Ranch sauce, only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Speaker 1 At participating, McDonald's. Okay, let's go.

Speaker 1 Now in the street, there is violence.

Speaker 1 And then I love some work to be done.

Speaker 1 Looks behind a lot of washing.

Speaker 1 And then I can't blame all on the sun. Oh, no, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue.

Speaker 1 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 Welcome to Pardon My Tape presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now.
Put in code BarStool. $5 to yourself, $5 to ASPCA.

Speaker 1 Today is Monday, July 15th, and we are two and a half weeks away from the Hall of Fame game.

Speaker 1 I love the Hall of Fame game, and I love betting on it because you really feel like you're back in the action, and then you realize that you have no idea how to handicap the game.

Speaker 1 We were looking at the schedule. We've got the Falcons and the Broncos.
And when we said it, we were like, what should we talk about to start the show?

Speaker 1 And we're like, okay, how about the Hall of Fame game in two and a half weeks? Falcons, Broncos, we're like, we fucking hate the Hall of Fame game.

Speaker 1 And then immediately we started just completely natural, like, well, Drew Locke. Yeah.
And maybe Matt Schaub. Pretty good matchup.
So we're ready for it.

Speaker 1 But yeah, so that's just a little reminder for you that football is very close to being back. Where should we start? Should we start tennis? Let's start with Wimbledon.
Let's start with Wimbledon.

Speaker 1 Or as my dad calls it, Wimbledon.

Speaker 1 Wimbledon. Jokovich versus Federer.
I'm a Jokovich guy. I became a Jokovich guy on Sunday morning.
I joked.

Speaker 1 If you want to life hack your way into enjoying a sport, just figure out what the GOAT debate is. And I...
I mean, obviously, I have no idea what goes on in tennis. I was corrected many times.

Speaker 1 There was even people who were like, yeah, Jokovich is the GOAT. He's got 16 Grand Slam titles, and he's six years younger than Federer.

Speaker 1 Someone replied and was like, well, he won a bunch of them when Rafa had his knee thing and Federer was going through his things. And I don't even know what his things are.

Speaker 1 No, he went through his stuff. But you get in the goat debate and boom, you're locked in.
Yeah, I was actually rooting for Djokovic too, because the more that he's a goat.

Speaker 1 The more that you can poke holes in Federer's resume, the more you can say, Sampras is the goat. Yeah.
And we need the goat to be an American. He is.
He is the goat.

Speaker 1 Sampras is the goat for all-time all-time best

Speaker 1 body hair. Chest chest hair.
Huge chest hair guys. Plumes of chest hair.
But yeah, Jokovich, Federer, it was great. I don't really know.

Speaker 1 I don't know tennis. I know that they have better replay than any other sport in the world, which doesn't make sense.
Well, they call it Hawkeye, which is just fucking badass. It's crazy.

Speaker 1 It's really like they're using a drone. How do they have that? And then we can't get a goal line.
Like, we don't know if someone crossed the plane. Well, the parallax effect.
It's crazy.

Speaker 1 That's the thing about tennis. They don't have the parallax effect to worry about.
But yeah,

Speaker 1 it was awesome. I love just just the old Wimbledon tiebreaker format where it was just keep playing until one of you dies.
Forever. This year, they changed it up, and it was.

Speaker 1 I was trying to figure out the scoring system, but it's like the fifth set, you play until it's 12, 12. The person who invented tennis scoring in the first place was just like a crackhead with

Speaker 1 a brain injury. 15, 30, 40.
And then there's love. Why? So it's first to four

Speaker 1 in each game. Right.
And then

Speaker 1 best to six win by two in each set.

Speaker 1 And they flip a coin four, five, and then in the tiebreaker, it gets to 12, and then it goes to an old-fashioned tiebreaker, which I didn't even know what the score is. It was versus seven.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I needed Woody Harrelson.

Speaker 1 I needed them to put a microphone of Woody Harrelson, his drunk ass, in the stance today, and have him try to explain to me what the scoring system was. It was so stupid.

Speaker 1 The scoring system is so stupid. I'm a tennis guy now.
And when I say I'm a tennis guy, I mean, like, remind me that Wimbledon's happening next year because I'll probably watch one match again.

Speaker 1 But that's a big, that's a big step for someone who before today,

Speaker 1 that was the longest I have sat on the couch and watched one tennis match. It was about three hours, and I found out I'm a Jokovich.
Would you go to the U.S. Open Yokovico in

Speaker 1 no, no, absolutely not? No, down the street. No, I'm not.
Listen, I'm not. I'm a tradition guy.
I don't like the U.S. Open with their Mickey Mouse uniforms.
They're all wearing like neon stuff.

Speaker 1 No, thanks. I'm a Wimbledon guy.
I caught dead at a U.S. Open.
The Lawn and Racquet Club. It's just pure class out there.
They don't have, you know what they don't have in England?

Speaker 1 They don't have people dipping their fish and chips into Coca-Cola and then eating them. That's

Speaker 1 strawberries and cream, breakfast at Wimbledon. It's also Federer, like, I don't understand.
Why does everyone love Federer? Someone explain that to me. I'll tell you why.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you exactly.

Speaker 1 He's a little bit of Brady of tennis. Pure class.

Speaker 1 He's also got two sets of twins, which is... I don't know what's going on with that.
I saw that. I was like, what's going on? Excellent sperm.
Yeah. Sperm have teamwork.
Boys and girls are all boys.

Speaker 1 Boys and girls. Two boys and two girls? Yeah, because I saw it and I was like, why are all those kids, the boys and the girls are dressed alike? And I was like, that's fucking weird.

Speaker 1 Then I realized they were twins because whoever was doing the post-game had an all-time burn on him. Was like, you know, this was an unbelievable run for you.

Speaker 1 You're 20 grand slams, but now you get to be a dad. And then he like turned over and was like, there are your four kids.
Have fun. You know, go change diapers.
Yeah, go

Speaker 1 do some chores. You've been away from home for a while.
The thing about Federer that I think people like is he is better when he loses than he is when he wins. So when he loses,

Speaker 1 he's really good at making jokes about, like in that one-on-one post-match interview, he's good at like kidding around and like making fun of himself when he wins he's just like kind of happy he's like oh i guess i got another i'm gonna have to clear out space you know i guess in my shed you could call me the the goat if you didn't know yokovich is fucking nasty and and yokovich has it over him uh head-to-head i know oh their their primes don't line up they don't give me a break yokovich is the goat listen i'm a rafa guy if we're talking modern tennis talking clay if we're talking modern tennis which i don't understand i love watching tennis on grass but why don't they let in the finals they should let them use cleats?

Speaker 1 I don't think that would work. Why? Because it's so fine.

Speaker 1 Your boy Joker was slipping and sliding all over the place. Right, but that's part of the allure when they slide and then they can blame the ground.
Yeah, like you have to be able to green.

Speaker 1 You could tear up your knees if you had cleats. Yeah, you'd stuck in there.
Then fuck yeah, I would watch tennis. No, that grass is crazy.
There were gruesome leg injuries.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so I guess tennis is like the big thing. And also, it was nice that it spilled all the way into like the afternoon because it was.
I was mad that it was over. Oh, it was a life scared.

Speaker 1 It was was a hangover, like, cure. It got all the way to the Cubs' first pitch.
I was like, fuck yes.

Speaker 1 Now I don't have to worry about what the hell I'm going to do for these hours that are just wasted on Sunday mornings in July.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so whoever wants to debate me, please come at me. Jokovich is six years younger.
He's going to have the all-time grand slams when it's all said and done.

Speaker 1 Don't tell me about primes and all this bullshit. Problem with

Speaker 1 the problem with Jokovich is he looks like an accountant. He looks like Nick Nurse's

Speaker 1 daughter's boyfriend that she dumped for being too boring. That went really really deep.
Yeah, no, like really this dude does not look like an athlete at all. His length, dude.
He's got length.

Speaker 1 He's got the length. Big time length.
Yeah. He's from Serbia, right? Yes.
Yeah, let Serbia have a goat. I don't think, I don't feel like.
I don't have a goat. Why not?

Speaker 1 And yeah, and also Joker is a cool nickname. Joker's pretty cool.
I had to Google how to spell his name no less than like 700 times, even though it was spelled right in front of me on the thing.

Speaker 1 But I still. It's one of those names.
It's like Shyzzewski, like Coach K. Even if you see it and look at it, you still are going to fuck it up.
Doesn't add up.

Speaker 1 There should be like a club DJ that's just named DJ Okovich.

Speaker 1 Remember Kenny Main back in the day? Does Wayne Brady have to Jokovich? Oh, that's pretty good. That's a good line that he has.
Very good line. Yeah.
So I think you're on the go. No, no, listen.

Speaker 1 I'm not a Joker fan. I was rooting for him today just so that he could bring Sampras back into the discussion.
Yes. I like Rafa.
I love him with the Clay Court Master, the gallant master Nadal.

Speaker 1 I like the back and forth because there were a couple Wimbledons that Rafa beat Federer, right? Correct. Am I making that up? 2008, dude.
Best match ever. Yeah.
I didn't watch it, but

Speaker 1 it was commonly regarded as the best match I've ever seen.

Speaker 1 There were so many weird tennis fans. I actually, they were very respectful.

Speaker 1 It wasn't like a UFC or if you're trying to talk hockey on Twitter, it was, hey, you're wrong, but we're not going to do it in a mean way.

Speaker 1 If you ever want to go down a really weird rabbit hole, is you look up like tennis follies because there are a bunch of tennis players that specialize in these like pro-am games where they're allegedly like very funny while they play and they make jokes.

Speaker 1 But the idea of a joke to a tennis player doesn't really line up with what everyone else thinks a joke is. Right.

Speaker 1 So they'll like hit the ball in bounds and then they'll like tell the umpire, no, I hit that out of bounds. Right.
And then the crowd will like clap and laugh and then they'll take a bow. Good job.

Speaker 1 Good job.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so we had that. Serena lost, which I guess is she still the go.
She's still the go. I feel like Serena is once and always go.

Speaker 1 And I'm just saying this because I am not prepared to deal with any blowback from talking shit about Serena. She scares me more than the Bayhive.
Or the Jilli Beans.

Speaker 1 Or the Jilli Beans or the Swift Boats. Is that what they call the Taylor Defense? Yeah, the John Carrie.
The Swift Boat Veterans. And

Speaker 1 doesn't, what's her name? Ariana Grande? Doesn't she have a big hive? No.

Speaker 1 The Grandstand?

Speaker 1 The Grandys?

Speaker 1 No? Okay. No, probably not.
Or the Tucker. That was good.
The Sweeteners or something. Yeah, the Sweeteners.
We also had on Friday the Takies.

Speaker 1 If you didn't listen, the Takies were uh electric and i'm still buzzing off blake of the year

Speaker 1 but we had the russ westbrook chris paul trade that happened after we taped the takesies so now that we've had a few days to sleep on it any change i actually think both teams won have you heard from

Speaker 1 what about it have you heard from him uh about cp3

Speaker 1 That's just a side, that's more of like a silent, like, haha. I feel like he doesn't concern.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Blakes don't concern themselves with the opinions of Paul. They also want Blake Bortles.
Oh, Blake Bortles. Oh, yes.
He was heartbroken. So he was heartbroken.
He fucked up.

Speaker 1 I mean, that was, he was the People's Blake for a very long time. But that's no longer.

Speaker 1 No, I feel like you're once and future People's Blake.

Speaker 1 I'm not ready to write Blake Bortles off just yet. No, he's got to earn it.
He's been counted out before. I think he'll be just fine come next year.

Speaker 1 This is probably worse than when he got cut by the Jacks. If I'm being totally honest.
Right? I don't know. Yeah, I think it's up there.
It's a good setup for the interview, too. It is.
Yeah, it is.

Speaker 1 Yeah, minor setbacks. We do talk to Doug Marone about it.

Speaker 1 But yeah, so the Chris Paul, Russ Westbrook trade, I actually think both teams won, not won a championship, but I think both teams got something like the Rockets finally have good chemistry again, and the Thunder, I don't even know if they'll keep Chris Paul.

Speaker 1 If they do, I actually think they won't be, they'll make the playoffs. They're not going to win anything.
I think both teams lost. I'm not prepared to crown a victor.

Speaker 1 This is one of those trades where we really do have to wait for like five years to figure out. What the Oklahoma City, their GM did was just hit the big-time reset button.

Speaker 1 Job for life.

Speaker 1 There's like a seventh grader right now that will be on the thunder. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You have a pick. Yeah, they have like six picks in 2026.
Yeah. Total future Sam Presty move.

Speaker 1 Just the best way to keep your job is trade all your assets for future assets, and then no one can fire you.

Speaker 1 I'm interested to see, though, how Westbrook fits in with Harden, because I don't know if those two players can play together.

Speaker 1 I say it as a joke because they obviously played in Oklahoma City, but since. But Chris Paul and James Harden couldn't really play together either.

Speaker 1 But since they've gone their separate ways, they've become like even more of what they were when they were in OKC. So now, like, watching them have to fight over the ball,

Speaker 1 they might actually score points at the same time. They might dunk together, both four hands on the ball, jamming it in.
They should just play shifts, like hockey shifts.

Speaker 1 Like, each of them plays 20 minutes, and then the end they can close together.

Speaker 1 I feel like Westbrook is going to get real sick and tired of James Harden doing the little shoulder lean lean into people because they're opposite players when it comes to contact.

Speaker 1 Westbrook loves to just run in people and dunk. Harden likes to just bump somebody with their shoulder and then fall down on the ground.

Speaker 1 I think it's going to work just because, well, and again, I'm not saying they're going to win a championship because they're not, but I think it's going to work just because Russ Westbrook, like Kevin Durant left.

Speaker 1 Paul George left. You then asked for a trade.
Like, you don't have much more. You know what I mean? We tried the, you're the head of the team.

Speaker 1 You're getting traded to James Harden's team, so you have to take a back seat. I don't know.
We'll see. This sucks for D'Antoni, though.

Speaker 1 Like, trying to have to figure out how to use these two guys at the same time.

Speaker 1 He's going to earn his money next year. But using anyone with James Harden is hard.
He needs to grow the mustache back. I think commands respect.
All right. What else?

Speaker 1 We got anything else that's cooking around? I mean, it's a bleak time in sports.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I actually have one thing I forgot to talk to you about before when we were putting the rundown on the show together, but I think it's important that we discuss it.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Jacoby Brissette has been on a heater on Twitter recently. He's been asking the existential questions that we don't know the answers to, such as if the sun is hot, how come outer space is cold.

Speaker 1 He's just, he's tweeting out all these woes. He came up with one, like, do you wash your cups after you drink water out of them? Yeah.
I don't.

Speaker 1 So is he doing, because this is actually a very fast way to like become part of like viral Twitter is to just ask a bunch of random questions and be like

Speaker 1 genuinely curious. And I'm sure he's got a lot of Twitter followers from it.
So do you think he's just doing this or do you think someone's like, hey, Jacoby, let's get your brand out there.

Speaker 1 Let's just ask questions that like a bunch of people that are super high scrolling Twitter will be confused about.

Speaker 1 Honestly, I think he just bought like a giant-sized thing of popsicles from Costco and they all have riddles on them. Yes.
And so every time he eats one, he just tweets that out.

Speaker 1 We should actually do that. Just start

Speaker 1 tweeting like snapple bottle caps. We're just asking questions.
Yeah, we're just throwing out facts. Jawobi Brissette is what I'm calling him out.
Facts.

Speaker 1 All right, should we do who's back and then we'll get to our interviews? And then we'll have our Mount Rushmore on the other side. Hank, who's back?

Speaker 1 uh my who's back of the week I have a few my first one is aliens yes yep 400,000 people have signed a petition to storm area 51 uh just got the internet buzzing everyone's everyone's talking about it everyone's excited to see what's there see what's going on I feel like the power outage that had something to do with aliens yeah just like a gut feeling yeah do you think this I mean what else what else would it have been so transformer they're not aliens they're robots in disguise too hot global warming uh do you think that this is a way for the aliens to round up all the people that think they're aliens and then kill them all?

Speaker 1 Or do you think it's the government being like, let's get rid of all the crazies on Facebook?

Speaker 1 This is a setup. It honestly sounds like the plot from Independence Day when they're driving into the desert and then Will Smith is like, hey, I got one of the aliens.
Let us in. Right.

Speaker 1 And then they let Randy Quaid in the whole convoy of RVs. They should just have somebody.
They should have Sam Cassell under a tarp in the backseat of a pickup drug and be like, doing the big.

Speaker 1 us in. This is a setup, though, don't you think?

Speaker 1 So the question is: the setup, is the setup that the government is trying to get rid of all the people that are like crazy and do theories online, or is the setup that the aliens have set this up and they're trying to eliminate everyone who believes in aliens?

Speaker 1 So you're thinking that it's like the government started this petition to round up all the believers under the guise of we're going to storm Area 51. Right.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like when Alabama arrests people every year at the Auburn Bama game.

Speaker 1 They do the Iron Bowl. They do stings for, yeah, free tickets to the Iron Bowl, and then they're like, hey, you haven't paid child stings.
That's exactly what this is. This is what that is.

Speaker 1 I think it's the aliens.

Speaker 1 You think aliens are setting it up to get rid of the people that believe in them. So, like, the aliens are sitting out there and say, hey, the block has gotten a little too hot.

Speaker 1 There's too many people out there who think we exist. Let's get them all here and then blow them all up.
Yes.

Speaker 1 So instead of just like shooting Earth with a death ray, they're like, hey, we'll just start a change.org petition and a Facebook meetup, and that'll take care of it. Correct.

Speaker 1 Something bad's going to happen.

Speaker 1 We've got to go.

Speaker 1 We should send someone. We should actually send someone and videotape it for Barstool Gold.
BarstoolGold.com/slash PMT. Go sign up right now.
So the U.S. Air Force said the U.S.
Air Force

Speaker 1 always stands ready to protect America and its assets. So sending out a warning.
Like, if you're going to really storm the gates, what if this. That means there's assets.

Speaker 1 Well, that's right. They admitted there was an asset there.
Good point, Hank. This is like, what if this is the new like Burning Man or Coachella? Yeah.
Just Area 51 part.

Speaker 1 What if it's just like a huge rager? It's going to be like 98% dudes. Oh, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's going to be Purdue. Probably less than 1,000 people show up.
Well, and the other thought, it could be that the U.S., that's like the fake alien place.

Speaker 1 Because we don't know about the real alien place. Like, if everyone knows Area 51, there's no chance there's real aliens there.

Speaker 1 They would have moved him somewhere else. Just Jacoby Brissett it.
Okay? Stay woke. Anything else? Oh, The Undertaker is also back.
Yes. Okay.
Spot tonight. Yes.
Verbal meme. Undertaker gift.

Speaker 1 Verbal meme coming out of the casket. Live look at The Undertaker.
Verbal meme. Hand coming through the ground.
Did he win? I don't know. Sure.
He definitely won. He doesn't come back to lose.

Speaker 1 Except for the one time that Hank and I went and saw, we broke the streak. Life's too short to take the under.

Speaker 1 And the sad woman who was sitting in the New Orleans airport the next day with the light up side. The streak is alive.
God, how?

Speaker 1 30, whatever it was like 28 no and he had lost the night speaking of undertaker gifts how bad are you guys cheated that you weren't the guy like you know the guy that whose eyes got super wide oh yeah when he lost like you were at that you could have been that guy we were too far back but that i did have a pretty similar like it wasn't the eyes but i had a pretty similar shock when i saw that happen but yeah we should get get in touch with that guy i wonder he's probably

Speaker 1 i feel like he came along a little bit too early like if he if that happened today he would have had a a sponsorship party. Oh, we would have known bad things that he's done.

Speaker 1 He would have gotten milkshake ducked real quick. What's the difference?

Speaker 1 So, bagel boss guy is like the opposite of the whole milkshake duck theory where the internet falls in love with some guy that they saw on TV at the Oscars that they brought in off the street.

Speaker 1 And then five minutes later, it's like, oh, he's been convicted of sexual assault before. Like, with the bagel boss guy, you are immediately famous for being the world's biggest dickhead.

Speaker 1 Like, what do they go back in your past and found out a time that you donated to charity? Just reconfirm it. Yeah.
Like, you are a dickhead. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 If they go back and like, hey, this guy has been helping communities for a really long time. That would actually break my heart if the bagel boss guy was like a philanthropist.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He actually goes to bagel boss every day to see if they have any leftover bagels for like a homeless bank. Homeless people, yeah.
I'm pretty confident that that's not the case. No, that's bagel boss.

Speaker 1 Definitely not the case. Definitely not the case.
All right, PFT, what do you got? My who's back of the week is Grayson Allen. Ooh.
Grayson Allen's back. Committing

Speaker 1 committing flagrant fouls at a rate unprecedented to players not named Grayson Allen.

Speaker 1 So this is one of those circumstances where it's great to see a player fall back into the old stereotype that he had on him. I just always say he plays hard.
He plays Duke basketball.

Speaker 1 Sometimes he's just clumsy.

Speaker 1 His feet,

Speaker 1 it's hard to keep your feet underneath you, like we learned with Draymond Green. Core strength is important.
If you don't do enough push-ups, you'll probably just kick a bunch of people in the nuts.

Speaker 1 Well, he was hitting sit-ups. He was hitting people in the head.
Yeah, so he's just got bad thing. He's got bad labrums.
He's got poor shoulder control. Right.

Speaker 1 So he's knocking people in the head left and right. I think he fouled out in record time coming after my old rec league record that we always talk about here.
That everyone knows

Speaker 1 about that.

Speaker 1 So yeah, good to see Grayson Allen back. I'm waiting for Coach K to come out and defend him and be like, he's a good kid.
He's just a good kid. No, Jay Williams will.

Speaker 1 Jay Williams will definitely come out and say something. My other who's back of the week is Tony Romo.
Okay. Tony Romo's back.
He won the American Century Golf Tournament. He's scored 71 points.

Speaker 1 The Pro-Am or whatever. Yeah, it's the Stableford scoring system, system, which nobody really knows how that works.
It's worse than tennis.

Speaker 1 Almost worse than tennis. Yeah, he won.
This is back-to-back for Tony. And Charles Barkley? He's just, I don't know how.
Charles Barkley probably did not finish.

Speaker 1 They always have odds for him, and they're so funny. It's like a million to one.
I kind of want to wait for him to win. They should let Charles Barkley cheat.
If Charles Barkley was allowed to,

Speaker 1 he still couldn't win. No, no chance.
No chance. So, yeah, he shot a 71 point, or he scored 71 points, just really doing everything he can to impress Jim Nance.

Speaker 1 Did you see that video of Steph Curry not being able to dunk three times in a row at this pro-amp? Can't relate. Tough look.
Can't relate. Tough look.

Speaker 1 All right, my who's back is Instagram in general because I feel like summer is all about the Graham and just scrolling through. It's all about the Graham.

Speaker 1 Everyone's on Instagram showing how sick their summer is and how awesome summer is a movie when reality, like they're probably just at the same shitty lake that everyone else is at.

Speaker 1 And they took one awesome Instagram picture. Yeah.
That's pretty much it, right? Anyone can look good in a swimsuit with the right filter. Yes.

Speaker 1 Share guys' Instagram handles. Oh, my IG is Henry Lockwood1.
Henny's one.

Speaker 1 Henry Lockwood.

Speaker 1 Henry Lockwood one. I'm always tagging Hank.
Mine's also Henry Lockwood one. Damn.
It's crazy.

Speaker 1 Come check out our collective Instagram. We're like the McCordy twins.
Yes. We share.
We just all share Hank's Instagram.

Speaker 1 All right. My other who's back is Amari Stodemeyer, who is trying to make a comeback.
He should not make a comeback because we're still on Sam Decker watch. We need Sam Decker to sign first.

Speaker 1 But he's also challenging people to fights on instagram which is also back he uh some guy said

Speaker 1 some some guy said something about how uh uh oh it was it's the the lay knicks is the instagram handle and basically said that he's you know got weak ass knees and washed up and all this stuff and he was brainwashed because he said he loved playing for the knicks and it's like of course you did dude you got paid a hundred million dollars to suck so he slid into the dms and literally was like where are you right now i'll come and meet you And the guy's like, I live in Seattle.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 Amari said, keep my name out of your mouth if you can't say it in person. And he replied, I will say whatever I post in person.
I stand by and I don't think it's unfair criticism.

Speaker 1 And Amari said, I'll see you soon. I'll be here.

Speaker 1 You're in Seattle. I'll be there soon.
And they basically set up a meetup point where he's going to go beat this guy.

Speaker 1 He's going to beat him up because he said something mean about him. These fights should always take place in Temecula.
I don't like the idea of it happening outside that jurisdiction.

Speaker 1 If I were that dude, I would absolutely let Amari Stodemeyer fight me. Yes.
Like a lawsuit that would come after that. Hell yeah.

Speaker 1 Because if he flies to Seattle, it ended with him saying, I live in Seattle. I can meet you at the Space Needle.
And Amari Stademeyer just said, say no more.

Speaker 1 Let's do it like right underneath the fire. He just got on a flight.
Yeah, he just got on a fucking six-hour flight to go fight him at the Space Needle. That would be amazing.
It would. Yes.

Speaker 1 Make it at Amari. Rough and Rowdy.
Yeah. Yeah, just set up an impromptu ring right outside the Space Needle.
Either way, Amari Stodemeyer, he's back. He's trying.

Speaker 1 Is he still big into those wine baths? Oh, yeah. Just like hanging out in a bunch of wine.
Which like basically coincided with his knees falling apart. Which like he was like, yeah, it's great.

Speaker 1 I just bathe in wine and it helps my body. And then he just was never good again.
It just took out his ACL. Pikamari Stodemeyer was awesome.
Him and Steve Nash together.

Speaker 1 Dude, don't let him get into Mary and the Matrix.

Speaker 5 He's pick and roll.

Speaker 1 Dude, what about Joe Watch? Oh, yeah. Jokey Noah is also

Speaker 1 maybe coming to the breakers. We're going to try.
Probably not. I think we might have just thrown that out there.

Speaker 1 That's what it looked like.

Speaker 1 the Stein report. So I was like, it was a little bit of a...
He's gotten a lot of NBA interest. A lot of people are probably going to try and add him, but maybe.

Speaker 1 Who knows? Wait, what's this about him coming to the Breakers? Mark Stein. He literally was just made up on Saturday.

Speaker 1 It was a Mark Steiner. Mark Stein report said that he's in discussion.
With the Breakers. Yes.
I mean, yeah, I knew that. He's the owner of the Lake Republic.
Totally. I knew that.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, maybe we'll have him. I don't know.
I've extended my offer on Saturday. I said, hey, Joe, I'm a player's owner.
We literally, as PFT is showing right now, we're players' owners.

Speaker 1 We will stay completely out of your business to the point we don't even know that you might sign with us. I'm hands-off to the point of being incompetent.
Yes, exactly. So, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1 It would be great to have a player on the team that has worse facial hair than I do, too. That would be a huge color.
Oh, boy. I don't know about that.
It's pretty bad. It's not that bad.

Speaker 1 It looks like a goat's ass. But it's not that bad.
It's pretty bad. All right, let's do Doug Marone.
Coach of the Jaguars. We talk a little about Blake Bortles.
We talk about baloney.

Speaker 1 We had Jillie Football cooking cooking us fried bologna sandwiches. Also, Doug Marone showed up with basically an entire deli.
He brought, yeah, an entire bodega from the Bronx.

Speaker 1 It was like a pepperoni roll, three bologna sandwiches, some dried sausage, which was delightful. So much, so much, so much sandwiches and meat and everything.

Speaker 1 All right, before we do that, there's some beers that Hank got drunk off of during the takeies. Yes, exactly.
Before we do that.

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Okay, here he is, Jaguars coach Doug Marone.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on our good friend, recurring guest. It is the head coach of the Jacksonville Jaguars, Doug Marone.
He just walked in with, I'd say, about a dozen sandwiches from the Bronx.

Speaker 1 From the Bronx.

Speaker 1 Pepperoni bread, bologna sandwiches. Hot and mild sausage.
Going to a Billy Joel concert? What's better than that? A New York night. I said, I got, you know, I'm here today on Barstool.

Speaker 1 Tonight, Billy Joel. Tomorrow, the Yankees.
And I'm in a big-time New York state of mind. Yeah, that's a whirlwind tour right there.
Yeah, it's a whirlwind New York State toast. Yes.

Speaker 1 We're also frying up bologna. Jill's over there, Man in the Grill.
So if you can smell it, if you can smell it while you're watching it and listening to it.

Speaker 1 And I'm actually gaining weight right now as I'm sitting.

Speaker 1 And the other thing, too, is what's funny is when I eat the fried bologna and I start to sweat later on tonight, I'll actually start smelling it again.

Speaker 1 Like big guys like myself, that's what I'm saying. Like, I want more of it.
It's just

Speaker 1 you to get more. Or I can get a little bit.
Yeah. I get a little taste.

Speaker 1 I'm licking that. Yeah.
Salt and with the bologna. It feels great.
So we're going to get to football, but let's talk about the Yankees first because your beloved New York Yankees are awesome.

Speaker 1 Even though they were injured all the first half of the season, they've been awesome. Are you feeling 28? Are you starting to get your hopes up that this is kind of a complete team?

Speaker 1 It's interesting because so tomorrow I'm hoping to go there and see Coach Boone and talk to him a little bit about

Speaker 1 last year we went through a ton of injuries. So

Speaker 1 I was listening to

Speaker 1 for us as coaches, we kind of do a lot of background and see what's going on. So they've had a lot of injuries, but I've been listening to a lot of these young players or people that they've acquired.

Speaker 1 And in all these interviews, I keep hearing the same thing is that, you know, hey, when you're part of the Yankees, you're part about winning championships.

Speaker 1 And that's what's expected and the culture and things of that nature. So, you know, I'm hoping that we can go into this year,

Speaker 1 you know, not having injuries, but... being better prepared so I can do a better job, you know, when injuries hit because, you know, a lot of people wrote them off.

Speaker 1 And, you know, I'm sure that you use that a little bit, you know, as far as motivation, but you still got to produce and perform and beat, you know, good teams that are out there.

Speaker 1 And, you know, they've been able to do that. So,

Speaker 1 you know, I know from a coaching perspective, I admire what they've done. The same with the women's soccer team.
They played in an exhibition game in Jacksonville, and I had met with that coach.

Speaker 1 So she was down there and then went and watched them play the exhibition game. And it was unbelievable to see them in person.
I don't think TV really does any credit.

Speaker 1 And then, you know, I saw what they're doing down here in New York and having the parade and stuff. So it's been, you know, you're always trying to learn.
There's really no off-season.

Speaker 1 Would you talk to every level of coach?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't. I have a Madden franchise.
Would you talk to me? Would you ask me how I deal with injuries and stuff? I turn injuries off, but yeah. Do you really? Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 Exactly. But I do think that's an important thing.
I think that

Speaker 1 just because you have something on your shirt that may say NFL or MLB or NBA, it doesn't mean that there aren't good coaches at all the other levels.

Speaker 1 I think you can learn so much from, you know, especially like... I always appreciate going and watching youth coaches because they got to talk to these players and teach these players.

Speaker 1 And the words that they use and how they teach them and all the different things are things that you know I hope to learn from you know that I can do a better job.

Speaker 1 I don't think it's the emblem or the team or the league that you're in that makes the coach. It's really how you present things and what you do.
My high school coach used to just say next man up.

Speaker 1 That was his strategy. So if we had an injury, he'd just get in the locker room and go, hey, we're going next man up today.
We weren't very good. We weren't, I think we were.

Speaker 1 Did you have a lot of players? Did you ever run out of players? We never ran out of players, but we ran out of good players. Like when I started playing, that's when it became an issue.

Speaker 1 I was not the next man up that should have been the next man up.

Speaker 1 And I think that's something, you know, we have to adjust that next player obviously not might have enough talent, but you have to, I think what makes people good coaches is that they're able to maybe

Speaker 1 cover up maybe some of the things. So I'm sure they probably had to do a lot of covering up when you went.

Speaker 1 Well, they just used me as a scout team fullback, and they said, run straight ahead and get your ass kicked. You were fullback? Scout team.
So basically,

Speaker 1 which is actually more important than the starting point. So you probably started off at like 6'3, then became a fullback, and then now you're down.
My spine got confused. Your spine got confronted.

Speaker 1 It was.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna start saying that I'm 6'3 6'3

Speaker 1 I want to get into something real quick here because we had Sean McVay on the show like three months ago I think out in Grit Week and he said that he had some words with you.

Speaker 1 He said that he wanted to coach for you at Syracuse and that you took his resume, you put it at the bottom of the pile. He said, no, no.
Yeah, we had this whole discussion at the

Speaker 1 head coaches.

Speaker 1 The league meeting. So we have this meeting.
So there's a bunch of us now around the table. And, you know, we're talking, he's like, yeah, you wouldn't even hire me.

Speaker 1 I'm like, well, let me ask you a question. Who recommended you? So he says, well, this coach recommended me.
I said, that's absolutely why I didn't hire you.

Speaker 1 And everyone at the table agreed with me. Okay.
Yeah. So it was a coach there who recommended him that coach that was coached with me at Syracuse.
And I wound up having to make a move.

Speaker 1 But he's the one that recommended him. And I think if any other coach would have recommended, you know, Sean, I think you would have had a chance.
I said, that's why you got to be careful.

Speaker 1 And anyone out there was thinking, make sure you know who's recommending you for the jobs. And I said,

Speaker 1 I was always brought up to that if I wanted a job, I would never have anyone else call for me. I would always call myself.
So I would call myself and say, hey, listen, I'm so-and-so.

Speaker 1 This is what I want to do. I'm looking for a job.
And then if there was interest, then I'd give them references. Right.
You know,

Speaker 1 I think, so I was like, Sean, you got to be more, you know, you got to get going when you were younger, but now he is. So he's great, but he's done a great job and I don't hold again.

Speaker 1 But, you know, he tried to, he'd bust my chops.

Speaker 1 oh yeah i've always wondered like those types of coach meetings i just assume that it's everybody in a room together just busting each other's balls just making fun of each other when i'm around that's i mean that that's how i that's how i am yeah you know what i'm saying i mean you know you know myself and you know bill o'brien and rabel even though we're in the same division yeah you know we'll sit around and we'll we'll bust each other's chops pretty good and then but it never gets to you know we never talk about our players or the or the teams we just talk about like you know i'll look at someone else i'll be like you know oh my god look at that bathing suit.

Speaker 1 God, I can't, you know, Sean now, Sean's a great dresser, right? Yeah. Look at me.
Yeah. I mean, you're probably the best.
I'm the best you're going to see right now.

Speaker 1 People say that the NFC West is the hottest division in terms of coaches. I think it's actually your division.

Speaker 1 You got you, you got Vrabel, you got O'Brien and. Well, Rabel represents us because, you know, he's lifting still and working out and working on it.
Was it his quote today?

Speaker 1 Did you see Mike Vrabel's quote today? What did he say? He said he would cut his penis off for a Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 Straight up said that. Well, let me ask you, would you,

Speaker 1 You're dumbfounded. He actually said that.
He said

Speaker 1 he's been married for 20 years, so he doesn't need it. Would you cut Mike?

Speaker 1 I was thinking the same thing. I swear, when he first said it, I'm thinking, all right, I have three children I love.
My wife would probably be happy if I did that. He's one of those pinky bet.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's a bad thing. That's what I'm saying.
My wife would be like, well, yeah, cut that shit off. We got a Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 I mean, you can just say that you would cut Mike Vrabo's penis off for a Super Bowl. No, no, no.
I'm not going there. I'm not going there.
All right. So I have a question.

Speaker 1 This is going to be a very weird question, but you mentioned the coaches meeting.

Speaker 1 Meetings, I am obsessed with the coaches picture that you guys take annually excuse me guys just oh here we go julie's got the fried bologna

Speaker 1 fried bologna here you go i love it walk me through the coaches meeting uh picture when you guys all get out there and they face you into the sun and everyone looks a little disheveled some guys looking good some guys not looking so good how does that all go down and do you guys realize how ridiculous it is every year yeah i don't like i i don't like when you're a rookie head coach you know you go in there and you have an itinerary and they're like, okay, you have this picture.

Speaker 1 And you're like, my first thought was, why are we taking this picture?

Speaker 1 For me to blog it, pretty much. Well, first of all, I didn't know it even would go out to anyone.
Oh, yeah. Because I had no idea that.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 So, like, my first year, I'm like, well, you know, and then they send me a picture and I'm like, well, I got a picture.

Speaker 1 What's this for? To prove that, you know, that I coach in the NFL and, you know, then it was like, you know, well, shit, if I get my picture taken, who am I going to sit next to? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, so it did a little, you know, and then it's like, so basically whoever you're walking with I gotta say from the meeting

Speaker 1 you know what I'm saying to that is important but also then what happens I start thinking well shit if I'm

Speaker 1 okay

Speaker 1 if if I'm in the back and I'm next to like I think I was next to Coach Harbaugh and I'm like damn you know he looks good I mean he's in good shape you know I'm like you know then you start thinking okay wait I got to put a striped shirt on oh no this year yeah okay you know I gotta put a striped shirt on I've got to do whatever I can to make myself look skinnier.

Speaker 1 I got to do whatever I can to make sure I'm not like Richard Nixon and sweating my ass off, you know, and I got pits showing and everything.

Speaker 1 So then I'm like, if I sit down, I think I can cover my gut better. So strategically, I go in there.

Speaker 1 But when I break that meeting and I'm on my way over there, then I start thinking, okay, I got to get this thing right. But then you're right.

Speaker 1 You stand in front of, you know, you're standing in the sun and

Speaker 1 but I never thought it went out. So, and then afterwards, like.

Speaker 1 My assistant will come in and go, oh, here's your head coaching picture. I'll be like, oh, okay, that's great.
I'm going to file it right over there. Yeah, this is you.
That's you.

Speaker 1 You know, the end? The end. More leg room.
All right, so this is what I wrote about you.

Speaker 1 The Everyone's Dad on Graduation Day award goes to Doug Marone. He's hot.
He's sweaty.

Speaker 1 He forgot his sunglasses, so he's constantly squinting, and his handshake will break his daughter's boyfriend's forearm. That's Doug Marone.

Speaker 1 These are the nicest clothes he owns, and while he's happy to be here to see his little sweetheart on Graduation Day, he really just wants to be back home in his recliner with a bag of Lays and some homemade onion dip.

Speaker 1 Do you think I nailed that?

Speaker 1 I think you nailed it. Yeah, Doug definitely showed up 45 minutes early, so you get a good seat, aka the one on the end where he has the most space.
There it is. There's no doubt.
There it is.

Speaker 1 I put a lot into it. Yes.
I do. Yes.
I love that. Everything he says, right? I love that.
My daughter is now going to be a senior. My other daughter is going to be a freshman.
And have you shook her?

Speaker 1 So the one time we felt there was one guy.

Speaker 1 So the first guy.

Speaker 1 And my friend John was here.

Speaker 1 He taught me a lot, too, because his daughter's older and she's graduated now in college. So I'm like, hey, how do you handle this stuff? Because,

Speaker 1 you know, it's just hard. Because, you know,

Speaker 1 I want to make sure he understands

Speaker 1 that this is my daughter.

Speaker 1 And then, so I didn't know what to say. So I just told him, I said, look, if you mistreat my daughter, I promise you, I will do everything in my power to ruin your life.
That's good. That's good.

Speaker 1 You know, because I was trying to watch my words.

Speaker 1 That's fair. You're the head coach.
You know, you got to be careful. And it's plus my size.
So I always try to make sure I'm, you know,

Speaker 1 I'm like, and I don't smile, which I don't normally do anyway, but I don't smile,

Speaker 1 and I don't really talk to them. And then when they try to strike conversation, I'm just, I look at them like they're,

Speaker 1 why are you talking to me? Don't do everything. Everything you said, we already knew.
You treat them like you just said. Yeah, but I think all of us that are dads are like that.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 As a dad myself now. Oh, man.

Speaker 1 I was just going to say, dad's dad. I see what you're saying.
Yep.

Speaker 1 I just wanted to say that. We need to get this out in the open before this conversation gets a little bit too deep.
You guys, I'll tell you this. You know why you guys are good? Because we confused.

Speaker 1 We feed you people.

Speaker 1 How do you think the Yankees are doing that? How many going on?

Speaker 1 And then all of a sudden it's like,

Speaker 1 here comes the trap. Listen.
Here comes the trap. You ever hear about gotcha journalism? This is gotcha journalism.

Speaker 1 We're best friends at Blake Bortles. Yeah, I love Blake.
Okay, that's a good start. Are you?

Speaker 1 I was just with him at a wedding. Okay.
You guys bury the hatchet. You guys on good terms? Because anybody that mistreats Blake, we take that as a mistreatment of ourselves.

Speaker 1 But you should feel good about that knowing that we, like you, we're good friends with you. So if anybody mistreats us.
Testament to us as mature adults. Yes, as mature adults.
To not pick sides.

Speaker 1 Yes, we're loyal.

Speaker 1 But I just want to make sure that things broke between us. Yeah, you did.
You buttered us up. Right.
I broke it.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I mean, you know, it's always tough and you're pulling for someone, especially someone like Blake. You know, his toughness

Speaker 1 is... I mean,

Speaker 1 it's the greatest trait he has. It really is.
And,

Speaker 1 you know, I probably could have done a better job. And I've told that to Blake.
So we had good discussions. We had a discussion when he left.
And I saw him the other day. And

Speaker 1 I have a ton of respect for him.

Speaker 1 It's the business aspect of it, which is tough. I wish him the best.
I think that, you know, he'll do well. I really do.
I think he'll play in this league for a long time.

Speaker 1 I think he'll get another opportunity. I think he'll take advantage of it.

Speaker 1 That's how I feel. And

Speaker 1 it's not like.

Speaker 1 With a lot of these players when those things happen, the business part of it,

Speaker 1 it always hurts hurts that I always look back and say, I wish I could have done something better, or I wish I could have had better players around them, or I wish I could have done this, or, you know, called this, or did that.

Speaker 1 The only time that you really sit there and you're like, hey, listen, I'm glad that this guy's gone, is when the guy's a bad guy and a bad teammate, where he's not a team guy.

Speaker 1 The rest of them, whether they're good enough or not, that's what hurts. Guys that give you everything they have, they give you great effort, they show toughness,

Speaker 1 but at the end of the day, you're trying to change, you're trying to do a lot to get different results. And it's part of it because it just goes, it's like anything else.

Speaker 1 If you don't win, then

Speaker 1 who's next? Well, I'm next, so I'll be the guy to go. And that's how it is.
So it's the reality of the profession. But I try to take the,

Speaker 1 is it personal? Yeah, it gets personal because you're dealing with families and things of that nature. And

Speaker 1 that's what's difficult.

Speaker 1 That's what you take a step back and you're like, my responsibility towards the organization, you know, my responsibility for the people I've hired, my responsibility as a coach.

Speaker 1 And, you know, that's the stuff at the end of the day that people don't see, you know, that weighs on. I can't speak for everyone, but, you know, for me, that weighs on me a lot.

Speaker 1 So Blake told us that he is friends with Cody Kessler. So

Speaker 1 we respect his wishes to not bash Cody Kessler. But this would be the portion of the podcast that I would say, coach, how the hell did you start Cody Kessler over Blake Bortles?

Speaker 1 But I'm not going to say that. So I'm not going to say that.
I just wanted to say that I'm not going to say that.

Speaker 1 Thanks for saying that.

Speaker 1 Thanks for not saying that. Yes, exactly.

Speaker 1 So you just touched on something.

Speaker 1 It's the same thing. It's like, you know, it's like you'll see, you know, the quarterback gets, I always said the same thing, and we've heard it, it's a cliche.

Speaker 1 You know, they get too much of the credit and they get too much of the blame. And a lot of times when you're looking to shake things up, you're looking to do things, you know,

Speaker 1 that's the position that comes to it. And, you know, when you're looking to shake a team up and you're looking to do things, sometimes it's the head coach.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I wanted to to ask you about that. So, I mean,

Speaker 1 it could be me, and it's not like, hey, it's him before me. It's not, you know, you're literally trying to do things to

Speaker 1 see, you know, to get a spark, to get the people around to play better or whatever we want to say around them to have to do it.

Speaker 1 But, you know, it also puts a lot of other people on warning saying, hey, listen, if you don't respond, we can do this to this guy who's a...

Speaker 1 who's a great, in my opinion, who's a great guy, who's tough as shit.

Speaker 1 That's one football game for us in the past.

Speaker 1 But if we're going to do that to him, we can do it to everybody else.

Speaker 1 And then obviously it exposes me. Yes.

Speaker 1 So you mentioned that, and I'm always curious about this because in the football media world, we love to do the like, who's on the hot seat going into the season before we even play a game.

Speaker 1 Do you see that stuff? Do you, I mean, you're not unaware of what's going on, but I've learned this along.

Speaker 1 So now this is whatever going into my four years at Syracuse, two in Buffalo, going into my third year here. So

Speaker 1 you learn as you go across. So, like, a lot of times early on, someone will say, Oh, yeah, hey, did you see that article? It's a good article about you.

Speaker 1 And when you're young, you're like, oh, shit, who doesn't like reading something good about you? Of course. So you look at it, you're like, oh, yeah.
But then all of a sudden, you scroll down.

Speaker 1 I always say, don't scroll down. You know, then you scroll down.
You're like, you know, that guy's an ass. That guy's a jerk.
This guy's a missection. Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 And then all of a sudden, now you start getting pissed.

Speaker 1 But now all of a sudden, decisions start going on. So I learned a long time ago not, you know, to look at that.
But I always tell people the same thing.

Speaker 1 Especially, this is the most volatile business you can be in, really, coaching. If you win,

Speaker 1 sometimes you can be safe. There are coaches that have won games that have been fired, coaches that have been to the playoffs that have been fired.
Marty Schottheimer.

Speaker 1 Marty, Mike Malarkey, Tennessee, and Mike and I are good friends. I mean, you know,

Speaker 1 but I approach it this way.

Speaker 1 I'm fighting. to keep my job every single day.
So every time I go into work, I'm trying to prove that I'm worthy of a job.

Speaker 1 You know, and every time we're playing a game, I'm trying to prove that I'm worthy. And at the end of the day, I'm doing the best job I can.

Speaker 1 And if it's not good enough, then they're going to let me go and bring somebody else in. No hard feelings towards ownership, no hard feelings towards management.
That's just the way it is.

Speaker 1 So, you know, I think when you accept those things and you go about your business, because the worst thing you can do is start worrying or start making decisions or things are out of control

Speaker 1 or start responding to the media or you get upset. I mean, you know, if you start off and you're not doing well and someone's like, well, they should fire this guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if you don't expect someone to say that, then you're probably in the wrong profession. Right.

Speaker 1 You know, if you play shitty and someone's like, you know, this guy, this people, this guy stinks, they can't play. He's a terrible coach.
Of course they're going to say that. You know, so that's just

Speaker 1 the business. And that's the business that I always tell us that, you know, the coaches and everyone else that we've chosen.

Speaker 1 So if you can't live with that and you can't live in that type of world, then don't choose coaching. Great football guy answer.
Great football guy answer. That's why you're a football guy.

Speaker 1 It is, exactly. When you drafted at number 11 this year, were you told to pick a player named Josh Allen?

Speaker 1 Seven. Seven.

Speaker 1 Don't screw me up like that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I was like, holy shit, does he know something that just happened?

Speaker 1 So Josh Allen last year and seven year were seven. Sevens, yes.

Speaker 1 Do you have to pick a player named Josh Allen at seven?

Speaker 1 When you say do you have to pick a player like Josh Allen? No, do you have to pick two years for all Josh Allen at seven? Yeah. Josh Allen, Josh Allen, Josh Allen.

Speaker 1 I'll rephrase. Yeah, I don't.
That's that's stuff you guys know about. I don't look at that.

Speaker 1 We care too much. We do care about that stuff.
I was though you're like, hey, did you guys think he was going to fall to you or whatever? Yeah, that was nice. I'll ask that.
Were you surprised?

Speaker 1 I think, you know,

Speaker 1 Coach Gofflin, Dave Carwell at GM, the Scouts, they do a good job. We come in late, and that's the one thing.
So we as coaches come in late in the evaluation period. Because you think, like...

Speaker 1 They've already started on next year's draft. And they're starting.
We're getting ready to play the season. And then, you know, you go through all these different scenarios.
Like, okay,

Speaker 1 you go through whoever players you like. And if these guys drop, would you take them? Yes, we take them.
If not, we're doing this. So there's a lot of discussion.
And I always say the same thing.

Speaker 1 Like, I'll bust a little bit of chops when no one's, you know, when there's just a couple of scouts that'd be like, yeah, hey, you know, we got a couple of days before we make this decision.

Speaker 1 You know, it's not like the 40-second clock where we got to make a decision every, you know, when that referee spots that ball and you got to go.

Speaker 1 You know, and then the rounds come and it's like, ooh, man, we got, we got, what, an hour and a half before the next, you know, right. But I think it is, they do a good job.
They work hard.

Speaker 1 They try to get all the scenarios. And, you know, a lot of times

Speaker 1 it's interesting how those, when you look at the boards, and I've been at,

Speaker 1 let's see,

Speaker 1 three different organizations? Yep. Three different organizations where it's amazing how they all come off that board.
And it's pretty much the same

Speaker 1 as far as how it's getting drafted and going. So I think obviously they do a good job.
And

Speaker 1 I still think it's a tough, it's, it's, it's tough to pick someone and project them, you know, saying in the NFL. When I was a college coach, you know, we would do that, but it was kind of fun.

Speaker 1 We can move people. That's why I always like, so when I was at Syracuse, we'd always say, hey, listen, I'll take as many running backs.
I'll find five or six running backs.

Speaker 1 I can make, if they're small, I can make them receivers. If they're big, I can make them linebackers.
You know what I'm saying? I can move these guys around. I can take, you know.

Speaker 1 Big corners, make them safeties, big safeties, make them linebackers. You know, big middle linebackers, make them down linemen, outside, you know, pass rushes, inside linemen, on and on and on.

Speaker 1 And you can do that and you can get great exposure, but at the NFL, the time is so short to do that that when you take someone, you've got to project what they're going to do for you right away.

Speaker 1 And that player still has to get out there and perform. It's almost a detriment if you draft a guy who you don't fully know where he's going to fit in the NFL.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, when you're like the in-betweener of two players. Like when you say, hey, listen, this guy's a great athlete.
Let's find a spot for him. Right, or it's a safety, but a cornerback, maybe not.

Speaker 1 Who knows? And those guys usually get washed out. Safety linebackers and one that you see a lot, like Jabril Peppers.
You know, you can project him to be like, they always say Troy Palomalo.

Speaker 1 But, yeah, if you happen upon a Troy Palomalo in the draft, you take him every single time because he's obviously a legend of the game.

Speaker 1 But I've always wondered why those kind of undersized linebackers, big safeties don't translate to the NFL.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think, like, so when I was coming out in the 80s, you know, and you always think of, you know, I think of, you know, I used to watch on TV like Mel Blunt from Pittsburgh, and you watched the guys from Denver that played safety at water, and those guys are big, big hitters and, you know, big time players.

Speaker 1 And I think, you know, from a coverage standpoint with the man-to-man, things have started to change. So, you know, from a coverage standpoint,

Speaker 1 the offenses have changed. So it's become more spread.
It's almost, you know, it's become more three-receiver sets, things of that nature.

Speaker 1 You have much more, you know, vertical routes going, and you still have to, you know, obviously you have enough guys in the box from a run game.

Speaker 1 So, you know, you're seeing now, like, you know, when I was in the AFC East and we were playing teams there, and I was in Buffalo, you know, it was important for us to make sure that all of our linebackers were, you know, we wanted to struggle with our decision of which guy are we taking off the field, the nickel.

Speaker 1 We wanted all our three linebackers to have man-to-man coverage ability.

Speaker 1 We wanted our safeties to have man-to-man coverage ability, you know, to match up against the teams we needed to in the AFC East to win.

Speaker 1 So, you know, we took a guy like Aaron Williams, who was a corner and moved him to safety, but he had corner type ability, you know, for us that can play man-to-man.

Speaker 1 So, you know, we looked to that, and I think progressively that you see that, you know, not on every team, but you see that with the 4-3 teams, the 3-4 teams, sometimes, you know, they have the two inside linebackers and the two outside linebackers, and those outside linebackers convert to pass rushers as they go.

Speaker 1 But you're seeing a little bit of diversity in the play, but you're seeing more of

Speaker 1 a greater value put on players that are three-down players that can play man-to-man, play zone, pressure, do those things,

Speaker 1 and keep other teams off balance. And if you're not like that and you're just a really dominant player, then it doesn't matter.
Yeah. okay, this guy's going on the field and we're pressuring him.

Speaker 1 He's coming. Right.
Okay, fine. Okay, you still got to block him.
You know, you still got to win.

Speaker 1 Even though you know someone's coming and you know what they're doing, you still got to be able to go out there and perform.

Speaker 1 And I'm assuming that Coughlin has a lot to do with these player evaluations, things like that. Has he showed any signs of slowing down? No, no.

Speaker 1 Him, and like I said, you know, between him, he does, you know, obviously he's looking at it. He's above myself and Dave.
You know, he's above both the football side and the scouting side.

Speaker 1 So he's looking at everything from both those perspectives.

Speaker 1 But, you know, Dave Caldwell does a great job, you know what I'm saying, looking at those players along with the scouts and the pro department. So it's

Speaker 1 the coaching staff you have, and

Speaker 1 we're. Our primary job is to make sure that we prepare the players that we have.
Don't worry about all the other stuff. We'll write reports and we'll have

Speaker 1 a say in it. And we appreciate that as coaches.
But our job is the players that we have to develop them to make them players. That's where I think that's the difference in coaching.

Speaker 1 I think a lot of guys can go and look at a book, find the words, go out there on the field, coach the players through the book or the PowerPoint presentations.

Speaker 1 But the job of the coach is to take, you know, I always think the definition of a coach is to take a player where he can't take himself. To me, that's the definition of a coach.

Speaker 1 So I always, when I was a position coach, I wanted to get the most out of these players and get more value out of them for the organization.

Speaker 1 But I also wanted to get them to be the best they can be and just keep hammering them and hammering them, hammering them and taking them, you know, to the next level.

Speaker 1 And And I was fortunate, you know, at the Jets. Kevin Mawai is going into the Hall of Fame this year, who, you know, I've had to work our schedule a little bit.

Speaker 1 I won't be able to go up there for the enshrinement ceremony, but I'll go up there for the gold jacket dinner. He invited me up there, which is important.
Curtis is up there.

Speaker 1 And then, you know, I've had a bunch of guys that were with me in New Orleans off at the lineman that may come up next

Speaker 1 for that. And like I said, I've coached all those players the same.
It's not like you coach one player differently, meaning that, hey, I'm going to coach you to be a Pro Bowl player.

Speaker 1 I'm going to coach you to be a starter. Hey, I'm I'm going to coach you to get cut.

Speaker 1 You coach them all the same, and that talent will go. But, you know, again, you're trying to,

Speaker 1 since it's a salary cap system,

Speaker 1 there's some positions that you have to develop. You know, how many linemen are you going to spend money on? Three out of five?

Speaker 1 You know, but if you're spending three out of five, where are you going to put the money into? Well, these other guys you better develop.

Speaker 1 You know, your number one wide receiver, well, you better develop some receivers. You know, now, can you develop a pass rusher? That's tough.
Can you develop a cover corner? That's tough.

Speaker 1 Can you develop a quarterback? That's tough. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 I mean, you'll see that those guys, when it comes down to the draft, they're going to go up and get those guys that can perform at that position.

Speaker 1 Do you think that Tom Coughlin knows what a podcast is? Oh, I don't know. I can't speak for him.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 We want to get him on part of my take eventually.

Speaker 1 Call Tad, Tad, or call Dan Edwards,

Speaker 1 whoever handles that. Yeah.
All right, I got one last question. Seek Eek question.
Put in promo code take. You get $10 off.
Go to a Jaguars game this year. $10 off.

Speaker 1 Big bounce back year for the Jaguars. All right, football guy to football guy.
How excited are you for the start of training camp?

Speaker 1 That first day, do you get like chills still down your spine when you're just like, here we go, football is back. The grass, the sprinklers are going.
You see the helmets out there.

Speaker 1 How good does that feel?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can keep chewing. He's chewing.
We're eating baloney. He's chewing.
He's chewing. We're eating baloney.
Keep chewing. My favorite part.

Speaker 1 When it sticks to the top of your...

Speaker 1 bag. My favorite part, when it sticks up there, that's when you know the bread is fresh.
Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 The American

Speaker 1 also helps it stick a little bit, too. Yeah, it looks like a little binding.
It sticks right up there. You know, I think.

Speaker 1 So here's what happens. All right.

Speaker 1 Everyone, at the end of the year, you're working to get all the schedules done, meaning for training camp.

Speaker 1 So you're working like hell so you can kind of take a little break and kind of get away from it. So then

Speaker 1 the first couple of days after the mandatory minute camp, you know, once everything's set, so you're set for training camp.

Speaker 1 So we have our schedule set from now all the way to the end of the season and hopefully into, you know, the playoffs and the Super Bowl run.

Speaker 1 So that schedule is all set up. Every single day, like if you said, hey, Doug, what are you doing on November 28th or December 18th at 4 o'clock? I could probably tell you.

Speaker 1 You know, if I looked at my schedule. So a lot of planning goes into that.
So then the first seven to eight days that you're off,

Speaker 1 then you're kind of acclimating back into your family. So you get into the house and it's like, you know, hey, wait a minute, you haven't lived here for the past couple months.

Speaker 1 No, no, why are you putting a spoon there? No, that doesn't go there.

Speaker 1 So you're like, now there's a lot of tension, a lot of stress. Right.
Different type of stress, a lot of stress. Right.

Speaker 1 But then after that, when you settle in, those next seven or eight days, best days ever. You're kind of in the flow.
You're with the family. Nothing's going on.

Speaker 1 It's kind of a dead period because a lot of people take vacations the first week of July and the second week after the fourth, right? So those two weeks are probably the best two weeks.

Speaker 1 Nothing's going on,

Speaker 1 relax. Then, after that, you're like, oh shit, here it comes.
You start hearing, you know, you're in the car.

Speaker 1 Yep, you know, look, guys come back from the phase away, they start predicting this and that. Then you come in there, hey, what's going to happen here? What's going on there?

Speaker 1 And then, all of a sudden, I don't know the first day. I like to get rolling first because at the first couple of days, you got to kind of get physicals out of the way,

Speaker 1 conditioning out of the way,

Speaker 1 all kinds of league rules and stuff like that that you've got to talk to the team about.

Speaker 1 And then, once all that stuff goes and we kind of get into it, like a rhythm, you know what I'm saying, or a system of what we want to do, that's when I feel it's going.

Speaker 1 But I always like it, because I always try to get up there. And

Speaker 1 our first practice, I try to play like the Boys of Fall by Chesney, you know what I'm saying? And that's when I get really. Good vibe going.
Yeah, I get a good vibe.

Speaker 1 You start hearing the grit, you start hearing the pads collide a little bit, close your eyes. Whistles.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's kind of nice, right? Just thinking about that.

Speaker 1 that i think like the song says it all i mean you know the smell of the grass you know which you know it's funny so the other day i um i was back in jacksonville i'm driving by and i'm going by the state i'm like holy shit the

Speaker 1 the grass

Speaker 1 so i'm trying to figure this out i gotta talk to my grounds guys because they're awesome but

Speaker 1 so They've been watering and seeding this grass for like months, right? I mean, no one goes on the game field. It's perfect.
I mean, it really is beautiful, you know.

Speaker 1 And then all of a sudden, I guess, you know, so we got the stones coming in on the 18th, I think, of July. So I think they ripped up the grass.

Speaker 1 I'm like, well, shit, I got to ask them why were they seeding it and cutting it and doing all that shit and just to rip it up?

Speaker 1 I don't know if they put it somewhere and they're going to put it back in or not, but maybe a disball game breaks. But I'll tell you what, I do love

Speaker 1 that smell of grass.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 You know, what's going on out there. And like I always said before, like people always say water doesn't have a taste to it.
I always tell people they've never gone through double sessions.

Speaker 1 Well, we don't don't go through it now, but truly double sessions in the heat because I'll never forget when I was in Miami, we were going through double sessions with Coach Schuler.

Speaker 1 That was the best damn taste in water I've ever had in my life. Did you guys have the water horse where it would be, you know, nine holes punctured in the forest? That was in college.
In college,

Speaker 1 we had it against the fence. Yeah.
You know what I'm saying? And you're looking over there and you see it going. Because in college, they would actually blow a whistle and then you'd have water.

Speaker 1 We're like, you know, you look back in the past and you're like, holy cow. You know, now we have water available all the time.
Hydration is such a key for soft tissue and all the other stuff.

Speaker 1 So water is available all the time. But I think about when I was growing up, I'm like, you know, we, you know, this is bullshit.
You guys aren't doing it. You're not, no water break today.

Speaker 1 Get your asses out there. I'm like,

Speaker 1 you go out there and play. Yeah.
You know what I'm saying? Now if you did that, forget about it. You can't do that anymore.
All right, I have one last question.

Speaker 1 Bologna sandwiches, do you prefer the standard bread like this, or do you like the foot-long, the Nick Foles style? I think

Speaker 1 when I go out, in other words, if I'm going to order it and I'm going to be on a bus or a plane,

Speaker 1 I'm going to go with that bread.

Speaker 1 And I'm going to do it more during the week. At the end of the week, I don't do that because Sunday growing up was,

Speaker 1 you know, obviously macaroni and gravy. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 Yeah, so we always had to have fresh Italian bread. Bread sauce.
And then I'll get the Italian bread.

Speaker 1 But there's nothing like, like I said, when it sticks to the top of your mouth, the bread, that's when you know it's good-ass bread.

Speaker 1 So for me, you know,

Speaker 1 that was always important. So, I go with that when I'm out, and I go with this because I never trust other people.

Speaker 1 Like, you know, some people are really good at picking vegetables and feeling them and stuff like that. Yeah.
I'm okay with that. But what I'm good at, the damn bread.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I can touch that bread and feel that bread and be like,

Speaker 1 wait a minute.

Speaker 1 No, I'm taking this one right here. You know what you do with the stale one? You just break it up, you turn it into stuffing or dressing, depending on how you're.
No, listen, slimy, bologna, you fry.

Speaker 1 Yep. Right.
So when the bologna gets slimy. Stale bread, French toast.
Oh, yeah, that's a good point.

Speaker 1 How many times are you going to eat stuffing?

Speaker 1 You're the greenest coach out there. I don't know about greenest.

Speaker 1 I'm just saying,

Speaker 1 but you don't have much. No, you use every part of the buffalo.
No, I'm saying, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, for me, everyone's like, I always love to cook because, you know, both my parents worked. So I would...
You know, I'd come home and stuff, and I'd be like, well, shit, well, okay, wait a minute.

Speaker 1 There's the macaroni cheese. I get that.
Wait a minute. There's some hot dogs.
Let me cut those hot dogs up. Oh, wait a minute.
There's some lentil beans. Wait, I like lentils.

Speaker 1 Lentils cut hot dogs into lentils. So I do that stuff all the time.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, coach. Thank you so much.
Appreciate it. Appreciate it.
Yeah. Best of luck this year.
Enjoy Billy Joel tonight, too. Yeah.
Enjoy Billy Joel. Billy Joel tonight.
Yeah. Yeah.
I know.

Speaker 1 Appreciate the party.

Speaker 1 Always love coming by. You guys got to come down, though.
Yes. Yeah.
Back to Love Joel. Hopefully, I can win games and be there.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yes. All right.

Speaker 1 I'm not going back to college to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber One for students.
It saves you on Uber and Uber Eats.

Speaker 1 I'm there for $0 delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 10% off smoothies, and 6% Uber credits back on rides. Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think college is for.

Speaker 6 Get Uber One for students, a membership to save on Uber and Uber Eats. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student.
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Speaker 6 Eligibility and member terms apply.

Speaker 1 And now for something completely different.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on recurring guest. Yay.
Ice Cube. He's back.
What's cracking? You don't remember us.

Speaker 5 I do.

Speaker 1 There's a point. I remember that long hair.
Okay, there's going to be a point in this interview where you will remember us because we're going to bring up something that happened the last time.

Speaker 1 All right. But we are happy to have you back.
The big three. Yes.
Season, what is it? Season three? Season three. Is off and running.
Yes. You guys have been blown up.

Speaker 1 I feel like this is the like the first two seasons were a success, but this is the season where everyone's looking at it like, whoa, this is really a great thing, and they're getting big-time names.

Speaker 5 Good. You know, that's where we want to be.
You know, we want to be,

Speaker 5 you know, in the

Speaker 5 lexicon, so to speak, of sports.

Speaker 1 So, so how has it worked getting those bigger names, guys? Recruiting each other. You had, you know, Katino Mobley, which I love his beard.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're like, that's an old guy, but I love it. Joe Johnson is playing.
Yes. Glenn Davis.
How are you getting bigger and bigger guys as you progress? They want to hoop.

Speaker 5 That's it. It's simple.

Speaker 5 Guys,

Speaker 5 the first year we knew guys would sit and watch. The second year, guys wanted to play, but it was too late because we was already in it.

Speaker 1 And guys was like, well, I don't want to play.

Speaker 5 I'm going to come up there next week. And we're like, dude, it ain't a celebrity game.

Speaker 1 It's a league. You got to sign up.

Speaker 5 You got to sign up. You got to get picked.
You got to get a contract.

Speaker 1 You can't just pop up. Right.
It's pretty great the way way that you guys have done it because I think the first season, there were a lot of highlights that made it out there.

Speaker 1 And not only did it get the attention of some players that might want to play once they're done in the NBA or make the switch, I think just everybody started talking about it in general.

Speaker 1 I noticed you were you on GetUp this morning? Yeah, I was on GetUp. How is my man Greene doing? He's like my best friend.
We've never met, but he's like my best friend. He was on vacation.

Speaker 5 Yeah, yeah, he actually wasn't there today.

Speaker 1 That's disappointing.

Speaker 5 But

Speaker 1 it's,

Speaker 5 you know, it's been good, you know, trying to get the sport in the right place, pushing it, you know,

Speaker 5 having

Speaker 5 the players buy in. We had a lot of players come, you know, NBA players come out to the games, and they want to be a part of it.
So we had to expand the 12 teams, played two nights a week.

Speaker 1 I like it. What's your official title with the league? Founder.
Founder. I like it.
Now,

Speaker 1 do you call the are there team owners or governors? No.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 how is each individual team run then?

Speaker 5 They're ran by the the players.

Speaker 1 I like that. I like that.

Speaker 5 So the captain is the head of the team, but he has two co-captains and a coach. And between them, you know, they get the things ran.

Speaker 1 And, you know, as serious as you take it, is as serious as you go in the league.

Speaker 5 You know, if you take it dead serious, you might win a championship.

Speaker 1 As the founder, how much do you listen, especially after that first season, to feedback from fans, like what's working, what's not? Did you make any changes?

Speaker 5 Oh, yeah. You know, listening to the fans is very critical.
You know,

Speaker 5 I don't want to know what the fans like about the league. You know what I mean?

Speaker 5 I want to know what the fans think can be improved so we can analyze it and figure it out and get the people what they want.

Speaker 1 Okay. So here's one that I want to be improved.
I want Lamar Odom to stay in the league. Well, I do too.

Speaker 5 Okay. You know, but he has to be able to play at this level.
Like I said, it's not a celebrity game. Guys are going hard.
Guys are training. Guys are in shape.
Guys are ready to play at this level.

Speaker 5 So he has to be ready. So, you know, this year we felt that he wasn't ready to play.
And that doesn't mean he can't come out next year and go for it.

Speaker 5 You know, whether he wants to or not, that's on him. But I wanted him in the league.
He wouldn't be in if we didn't want him.

Speaker 1 What about fighting? I've seen a couple clips this year where guys have been jawing back and forth. Are you cool with it? Do you want that to happen? Or do you think that's bad? I don't want no fight.

Speaker 1 Oh, I do, though, as a fan. We're doing the fan open forum here.

Speaker 5 No, no, no, no fights. Trash talking, yeah.
Okay. You know, all that is good.
You know, smack talking. You know, you might get in each other's face a little now and then.
You know, no fighting.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 you guys should allow fighting so that everyone always complains that the NBA has gotten soft and the fights aren't real fights and it's not like the 80s and early 90s when teams would actually fight.

Speaker 1 You should go back to that and let's go.

Speaker 5 I mean, do you come to a basketball game to see a fight?

Speaker 1 It wouldn't be bad. It would happen.
I'd be a bad. A little bonus.
Yeah. A little bonus.

Speaker 5 Well, if it happens, it's going to happen just out of natural

Speaker 5 emotion.

Speaker 5 We're not going to encourage fighting or allow fighting. And if you fight on my court, there's going to be a price to pay.

Speaker 1 There's going to be consequences for it.

Speaker 5 Consequences and repercussions.

Speaker 1 As a fan, I would like to see kind of like an augmentation to the N1 rule where if you cross somebody up so bad that they fall down and then you hit the shot in their eye, that's an extra point right there.

Speaker 1 Oh, damn. That'd be nice, right? Yeah, that would be nice.

Speaker 5 Would throw that in the suggestion, man.

Speaker 1 What about if we had a coffin on the other end of the court? So if you get crossed up so bad, you have to go lay in the coffin for three minutes. Like a penalty box.
I like that. That'd be good.

Speaker 1 That's funny. You know, because everyone always does the skull and the skull emoji on Twitter.
Yeah. And being like, oh my God, he's dead.
He took his soul.

Speaker 1 Let's really take his soul. And then when they get out of the coffin, they're doing the Undertaker gif where they pop up.
Yeah. Not dead yet.
Now you're back. I'm back in the game.
Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 Think about it. Just think about

Speaker 1 Do you want us

Speaker 1 on your board of governors or whatever you call it?

Speaker 5 Sure, why not?

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 What's the pay? Nothing.

Speaker 1 Who's the woes for the big three? Who's out there breaking all the news for you guys?

Speaker 5 Man, we got a guy named Oliver.

Speaker 1 I don't want to. Shout out to Oliver.

Speaker 1 I don't want to butcher his last name.

Speaker 5 But yeah, he's been like a day one diehard. You know, always kind of want to know what's the scoop, and he puts it out on the internet, so it's kind of cool.

Speaker 1 I've got a dog that breaks news. If you're looking for like a Woge that's really going to be like the guy that breaks news for the big three, my dog Leroy, he's an insider in a number of sports.

Speaker 1 You've probably already heard of him, probably very familiar with him. He'll be happy to break any news that you guys have.

Speaker 5 Okay, let me see a reel on him. You got one?

Speaker 1 A reel on Leroy? We could probably bring up a reel on. Can somebody bring up when he got that piece of bread stuck on his back? That's pretty impressive.

Speaker 1 So I want to talk about the Lakers.

Speaker 5 Yes.

Speaker 1 Are you going to be a Clippers fan now? Well, he is a Clippers fan.

Speaker 1 Never a Clippers fan. No, he's not.
No, no. Marcellus Wiley told me that you were a Clippers fan.

Speaker 5 Marcellus Wiley is an alcoholic.

Speaker 1 He's a heroin addict.

Speaker 1 No, I'm not. I'm not a Dippers fan.
Yeah, I'm not.

Speaker 5 I will never be a Dippers fan.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 5 As a matter of fact, they better watch their back.

Speaker 1 Ooh.

Speaker 1 So were you mad that Kawhi didn't pick the Lakers? Because that was, I've said this before, but you know, when you have the little brother-big brother relationships. I wasn't mad.

Speaker 5 I felt sorry for him.

Speaker 1 Oh. I felt sorry.
Doing that, even though you guys, the Lakers have not made the playoffs in forever. You're like, I feel sorry for you.
I feel sorry.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I mean, I feel sorry for them.

Speaker 5 What is making the playoffs do if you don't win the chip?

Speaker 1 Well, the Lakers have been a joke recently.

Speaker 5 Nobody's laughing now, though.

Speaker 1 Oh. Okay.

Speaker 5 I always say, laugh now, cry later.

Speaker 1 Are you a full-on LeBron guy or are you still like Kobe's better?

Speaker 1 Well, what do you mean by full-on LeBron guy? Well, I think it's been interesting to watch Laker fans.

Speaker 1 I think LeBron has come in as slightly a mercenary, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, where he's obviously a Laker. You're rooting for him.
He's an all-time great,

Speaker 1 but he's not a Laker Laker. He's not a Magic.
He's not a Kobe. He's not a guy who wins.
Not until he wins the chip. Okay, he's got to earn his Lakers.

Speaker 5 He's got to win the chip, and then he'll be loved like all the Lakers that win it.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 5 I mean, Kobe played 20 years for the Lakers, so nobody's going to come in there and disrupt that groove. Not even Magic or Kareem.
Kobe got his own lane. Magic got his own lane.

Speaker 5 Kareem got his own lane.

Speaker 5 You can't bump them off of what they've done. So LeBron, a championship, would get him the love and respect from Laker fans that

Speaker 5 all our champions get.

Speaker 1 Do you talk to LeBron?

Speaker 5 No, not a lot.

Speaker 1 Not a lot.

Speaker 5 Has he asked? I mean, you know, when I see him, when we're doing something together, I did his show,

Speaker 5 then I talked to him. But am I calling him and asking him about stuff? And, you know, is he in my business? Am I in his business? No.

Speaker 1 Who do you think is the alpha on that team right now? Is it LeBron's team or is it AD's team?

Speaker 5 I think it's LeBron's team. I mean, he's the veteran, and he has the championship.
So AD is going to have to learn how to do that.

Speaker 1 Have you ever been asked by anyone in the Lakers to go to one of their pitches for free agents? No.

Speaker 1 Would you?

Speaker 1 If Magic called you up and was like, hey, we could really use some celebrity fans here. Nope.
Why not?

Speaker 5 Because you're not going to blame me for not getting a player.

Speaker 1 That's smart. You're not blaming me.

Speaker 1 That is very smart. Limited upside to that.
It's like when the Raptors brought Drake in and they made him a big part of the pitch for Kawhi to stay there and Kawhi decided not to.

Speaker 1 That looks bad on Drake.

Speaker 5 It does. Yes.
And it's none of Drake business because Drake is not

Speaker 5 an owner of the Raptors.

Speaker 5 At a certain point, you've got to be a fan and step back and stay in your lane.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 your football team. Yes, we're going to be.
Moving to Las Vegas. Yes.

Speaker 1 How do you feel about their future? Are you still in on John Gruden?

Speaker 5 Yeah, I mean, we'll see. I mean,

Speaker 5 I think, you know, when he was there the first time, they shouldn't have let him go. But now that he's back,

Speaker 5 we'll see if they should have brought him back. Yeah.
You know, the jury's still out.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Now, how does that work being a Raiders fan? I know there are a lot of people in Los Angeles that will remain Raiders fans or that have remained Raiders fans.

Speaker 1 Are they going to stick around through the move to Las Vegas

Speaker 1 once and forever?

Speaker 5 Yeah, they'll be there. I mean, more people from L.A.
go to Vegas than to Oakland.

Speaker 1 That's true. It's closer.

Speaker 1 Do you get nervous when there's an earthquake?

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I would be scared by that. Yeah.

Speaker 5 I don't fucking nervous. It's not scared.
It depends on. It's two different kind of earthquakes.
It's like one that rolls, but it's just everything is kind of rolling. Yeah.

Speaker 5 And then there's the herky jerky, somebody picked up your house and dropping it.

Speaker 1 Uh-huh. Those are the ones.
It's like chopped and screwed versus dubstep.

Speaker 5 I guess, but those are the ones that are the ones that rattle your nerves is when they feel like somebody's picking up your house and dropping it.

Speaker 1 You got to be scared of the big one, right?

Speaker 5 I mean,

Speaker 5 scared? I don't know. I ain't never been through it, so I don't know how I'm going to feel.

Speaker 1 Here's my theory: California is such an awesome place to live, especially LA with the weather and everything like that, that everyone who doesn't live in L.A.

Speaker 1 and doesn't live in California has to always remind people who live in California about the big one to make ourselves feel better. Like, you're going to die in an earthquake, dude.
Oh, man. I'm not.

Speaker 5 You're going to die in a snowstorm.

Speaker 1 It's the only thing that we have.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's really all we got. So we got to do it.
We got to remind you.

Speaker 5 That's cool. You know, I guess everybody got to have their reason not to like a place.

Speaker 1 It's just purely bitterness on our part. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah, you got to make yourself feel better.

Speaker 1 I'm mad about all those 70-degree days when the sun is out. So just remember, one of those 70-degree days where the sun is out, the whole state's going to fall in the ocean.
That ain't how it happens.

Speaker 5 It's usually one of those quiet days that feel funky.

Speaker 1 Oh, you can feel. Are you like how dogs can feel earthquakes? You can feel your knees.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Well, no, not like that.
But my wife

Speaker 5 went the day we just had these earthquakes out there, and my wife was like, it's too still out there. I don't hear birds.
I don't hear nothing.

Speaker 1 It's like, fuck.

Speaker 5 It's one of them eerie, quiet days. You wake up and you don't hear nothing.

Speaker 1 And you're like.

Speaker 5 Something's coming because nothing's outside moving.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 I believe that. I want to get into a little bit of your acting career.
You're an esteemed actor. Do you think think you're a better actor than your son? Yep.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 How much work does he have to do to catch up to his dad?

Speaker 5 About 20 years.

Speaker 1 So it's a longevity thing.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I mean, I got more experience.

Speaker 1 Were you impressed the first time that you saw him on the big screen?

Speaker 5 Yep, very impressed.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 He's a good actor. I mean, he does things,

Speaker 5 he does certain things, you know,

Speaker 5 better than me.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Would you be in Space Jam 2?

Speaker 5 I got to look at the script. It depends on what part it is.
And, you know, I got to kind of know about the movie-making part of it.

Speaker 1 So far, we've got what Don Cheadle said that he would be in it yesterday. Dwight Howard told us

Speaker 1 he'd be in it if he was asked. So that's like a big three right there.

Speaker 5 But any basketball player better jump in it.

Speaker 1 I don't know. See, I think LeBron doesn't have the same pull that he had five years ago.

Speaker 1 What pull?

Speaker 5 What's a pull got to do with it?

Speaker 5 You're not coming to be a part of LeBron's team.

Speaker 1 Well, it's his movie.

Speaker 5 Being in a movie that the man is in.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I know. It's his movie, though.
I feel like he doesn't have the same... It's a different chapter of his career.

Speaker 1 He is not, you know, when he was in his late 20s, early 30s, the league revolved around LeBron.

Speaker 1 This past year, missing the playoffs and having the Lakers kind of fumble a little bit, it doesn't feel like the league totally revolves around LeBron anymore.

Speaker 5 Yeah, well, that's kind of a good thing.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, no, I'm excited for this next season. It's a good thing.
You know, so he should be fine with that. Are you worried at all about Kawhi taking over Staples Center?

Speaker 1 He's the guy who would do it, a robot. No.

Speaker 5 If he does it, he's going to do it Kawhi.

Speaker 5 So I ain't worried about it.

Speaker 1 How many championships would the Clippers have to win

Speaker 1 for L.A. to shift to a Clipper town?

Speaker 5 17.

Speaker 1 17? Yeah, there you go. They'd have to go 17 in a row, probably.
Yep. For people to start saying it's no longer a Laker town.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 I feel like if they get two two in a row, if they rip off two in a row right now, things are going to change a little bit in L.A.

Speaker 1 Yeah, a little bit. Because everyone loves a winner.

Speaker 1 We'll have

Speaker 5 a little bit. They'll have two.
We'll have 16.

Speaker 1 Looking into a crystal ball, how many barbershops are we going to end up with?

Speaker 1 Please say like three.

Speaker 1 Nine. Three.
Come on.

Speaker 5 I don't know if another one will happen.

Speaker 1 They're all good. Just keep making them.
They're all good. Yeah.

Speaker 5 You got to to keep thinking of stories that

Speaker 5 make it a good reason to go back into the barbershop.

Speaker 1 Your hair got too long.

Speaker 5 Let's do a two-hour movie.

Speaker 1 A two-hour movie about just a guy getting his haircut. Go there.

Speaker 5 You got to sit because you got to wait.

Speaker 1 There should be a white barbershop where it's just like a guy getting his hair cut and then somebody, like, just in total silence. No, yeah.

Speaker 1 For like 30 minutes, and then they accidentally bump their balls up against you and you both get uncomfortable. Yeah.
That's what happens when white people. Make that movie.

Speaker 1 It's a guy who's kind of of balding, so his barber, like maybe the start of it, is the barber feeling a little bit awkward because he's like, I don't really want to get my haircut, makes a couple faces to him, and then it's just silence.

Speaker 5 You guys are terrible script, right?

Speaker 1 Well, we're working on it. See, our idea is to pitch you these terrible scripts to make our ideas for the big three sound even better by comparison.
I get it. I get it.
I get it now. I get it.

Speaker 1 Philosophy. How many more Fridays are we going to get?

Speaker 5 I don't know.

Speaker 1 You know, we're going to get one more for sure.

Speaker 5 And you never know. You know, if that one

Speaker 5 people love it

Speaker 1 why not do another i've always wondered about those movies because i know in in hollywood they uh they come up with like fake weed for you to smoke on set so you don't stay high all the time do you guys ever just say fuck that we're just going to smoke a real joint

Speaker 5 well we smoke real weed in our trailer and then come out and smoke the fake weed

Speaker 1 so they're doing a really good job by giving you fake weed to keep you not high

Speaker 1 yeah how does it like at this point in your career are you when you decide what you want to do in terms of work-wise whether it be movies, whether it be big three, are you a little bit more picky or are you just like, I love to work and I want to keep working?

Speaker 5 I've always been picky. You know, I've always been like,

Speaker 5 you know, can I make this better? Can I, you know, can I, is my presence going to make this project better? If not, then I don't want to do it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah,

Speaker 5 then I'll start looking and figuring out, okay, this is something I can do.

Speaker 1 And when you read a script, are you like, this is it? If you see something, you're like, you know right away? Or do you have to sometimes, you know, sometimes someone can like wear you down?

Speaker 1 Like, we're going to wear you down on a couple scripts. Would eventually you'd be like, fine, I'll fucking make this movie.
Or do you, is it just, I'm in love with this script, or I'm not?

Speaker 5 Sometimes it's, I'm in love with it, let's roll. But, you know, I mean, my manager talked me into doing Three Kings, you know, which was a cool movie I did with

Speaker 1 George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg. But reading it, I'm like, man, you know, I don't see it.

Speaker 5 And you're like, oh, this is going to be great. So, and I met with the director and saw what kind of movie he wanted to make, then it was like, oh, okay, I could see it now.

Speaker 5 The script didn't tell me what it was going to be.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What was it about the script of Anaconda that you were like, I want to be in this fucking movie?

Speaker 5 The black man didn't die.

Speaker 1 That was it.

Speaker 1 It was like, what?

Speaker 5 I said, I'll only be in the movie if I live through the whole movie.

Speaker 5 And so,

Speaker 5 you know, they were like, yeah, you can, you know go ahead i said okay and i get to kill the snake me and jennifer yeah great snake

Speaker 1 that snake kept that gave me nightmares terrifying the snake it's an animatronic thing you know

Speaker 5 weighed about a ton you know it was like heavy because it was hooked up to this computer and um one day the snake malfunctioned and almost killed jennifer lopez on the set what holy shit they couldn't stop it and it just started tearing up the set

Speaker 5 So we were really scared of this damn thing.

Speaker 5 You know, it's like, y'all got it, the computer working, everything going to malfunction because it's this thick and it's made of metal wrapped in like a tire.

Speaker 5 So it's hard as shit. You know what I mean? And,

Speaker 5 yo, we was like, this thing about the, you know, they have it right there. And we're like, man, this thing's just going to malfunction.
It busts my nose open. You know, because it just went crazy.

Speaker 5 And so it had a lot of glitches in it. So, we were really scared of that damn

Speaker 5 fake snake.

Speaker 1 I feel like that would be that story if someone died from a big fake snake. It'd be like, well, that kind of made sense.
They were tempting God there by just making this incredible, huge, fake snake.

Speaker 1 Thank you, pretending that it's not a real snake, and it killed you. And then it killed you.

Speaker 1 The real snake.

Speaker 5 The damn snake made more money than us. It took him like seven, ten million dollars to make that damn thing.

Speaker 1 I'm like,

Speaker 1 you delivered one of my favorite lines in movie history in that film, and it was, I think it was, damn, the axe fell out after you hit it with the axe.

Speaker 1 That's how we knew that the Anaconda wasn't dead yet when it spram away. Damn.

Speaker 5 I thought it was, uh, it's snakes out here that big?

Speaker 1 Wait a minute. That's also a great one.
It's a good one, yeah. Um, all right, wrapping up.

Speaker 1 So I alluded to it at the beginning of the show that we were going to do something that you would probably then like click. Oh, I remember these guys.

Speaker 1 So we're going to do it right now, and that is PFT wrote a rap. So I don't know if you remember, but last time you were on, he wrote you a rap.
It's a freestyle. It's a freestyle,

Speaker 1 I'm like Black Thought. I don't know if you remember this, but last time we tried it, it didn't go so well.
I think you probably were like, I don't know about these guys.

Speaker 1 I think you said I was terrible. Yeah, but no, you said I was bad, but like the cool way that people

Speaker 1 are bad. Okay, like that.

Speaker 5 It's a freestyle. Are you ready for a freestyle? I'm going to do the beat again.
I get a chance to return it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Please do.
All right, here we go.

Speaker 1 You better step back when you step to PMT. Hank's a cat killer.
Big cat keeps reeler. I'll go bananas on your ass.
I'm a tiny old gorilla. Paper thin windows making noise all night like graduation.

Speaker 1 Sigma come loud to the mic. PMT, we ride together.
We're separating never. Protect this town forever.
This shit's hot like the weather. Take so hot, they're gonna make you sweat.

Speaker 1 Today was a good day, but it's not done yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that was a lot better.
That was pretty good. Yeah,

Speaker 5 you actually have flow on that. I mean, the beat by the beat.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, I didn't know he was going to go that fast. No, the beat helped me out.
Yeah. Like, anyone could sound like that.
I also can't do the.

Speaker 1 I get out of breath. Yeah.

Speaker 5 You know how it is. But yeah, the rhyme was way tighter than last time.

Speaker 1 What was the last time?

Speaker 1 I forget. I probably started out by saying, like, my name's PMT, and I'm here to say.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 And I'm here to say.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Has anybody ever actually started a rap song by saying that?

Speaker 5 I wrote my first rap ever.

Speaker 5 That was my line. No, no, it was I want you to know.
It wasn't and I'm here to say that.

Speaker 1 My name is Ice Cube.

Speaker 1 My name is Ice Cube and I want you to know.

Speaker 5 I'm not Curtis. I'm not run DMC or Curtis Blow.
That was my first rap line ever wrote in my history of rhyming. I was 14 and that was my first rhyme.
My name is Ice Cube.

Speaker 5 I want you to know I'm not running DMC or Curtis Blow.

Speaker 1 Did it hit? Hell no.

Speaker 1 Nobody liked my rap. I was trying to rap it to everybody.
Everybody's like, man, you rapper now? What's doing? Get a job.

Speaker 1 Have you ever written something and you thought like instantly when it came out, you're like, this is going to be awesome. This is a great verse that I just wrote.
And then nobody likes it?

Speaker 5 I don't know if like nobody likes it. Because they wouldn't tell me if they didn't like it, but it didn't sell.
So you're like, damn, I thought that was the one.

Speaker 1 And what about the reverse? One that you're like, that's okay. And then it just became the biggest hit.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Song I did called Check Yourself. It's like

Speaker 5 I did a remix to it that I was like, oh, this is cool.

Speaker 1 We throw them

Speaker 5 the beat from Grandmaster Flash, the message.

Speaker 5 And it just kind of kept growing.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Kept growing.
That's got to feel pretty damn good.

Speaker 5 It is.

Speaker 1 That wasn't even my best shit, and you guys loved it. Yep.

Speaker 1 Stumble on a hit yeah you do that sometimes with episodes i need to stumble on a hit yeah i'm overdue for one of those i just want one hit once what kind of hit you talking about some dudes downstairs that'll give you what you need oh okay well we could do that maybe we could do an old town road remix yeah would you do one of those everyone's gonna do that oh a what old town road meet remix matters how much it's banging okay well maybe we'll just start maybe that will be our thing we'll remix the remixes of old town road of old remix version 2.0 of the remix okay i like that this is a remix can we put your name on it?

Speaker 1 Can we say that you're loosely attached?

Speaker 1 No. Okay.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 5 Loosely attached.

Speaker 1 We get a lot of people loosely attached. Who'd we have loosely attached to something? We had Jimmy Tatro.
Oh, yeah. Loosely attached.

Speaker 1 To a couple of scripts of ours. Some scripts we're producing.
Yeah. So you just say that.
You talk to someone, you say, hey, can you be loosely attached? And then boom.

Speaker 1 Next thing you know, we're going and talking to people trying to throw your name in there. Putting your name there.
Yeah, loosely attached means you're not getting paid for it. Right.

Speaker 1 That's what that means.

Speaker 5 And just so you know. Or Or you're not going to be a part of the project when we really get the money.

Speaker 1 Right. And just so you know, just because you declined the loosely attached there, you're still loosely attached.

Speaker 5 I mean, you know, everybody's name drop.

Speaker 5 Everybody's name dropped to get something done.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Can you just say,

Speaker 1 I'm going to ride till I can't no more? Just say that. And then we'll just isolate that and we'll put it in our own relaxation.
Just say, I'm going to ride till I can't no more. I'm good.

Speaker 1 All right, big three.

Speaker 1 Where can everyone watch? I mean, it's going to be awesome. It's already started.
Yeah. It has been awesome.

Speaker 5 You can check us out Saturday, this Saturday, this Sunday, CBS at noon Eastern. Get busy.
Check us out. Great basketball.
Or come to the damn game. We at Providence, Rhode Island.
Okay.

Speaker 5 And we in Brooklyn, New York. Hell yeah.
You got to see it live, man. Seeing seven footers play three on three is crazy.

Speaker 1 Can we bet on it? Yeah. I feel like my bookie doesn't have lines for it yet.
I need to get him.

Speaker 5 He should, or he ain't on top of it.

Speaker 1 That's the big key. You keep being slow.
Yeah. You want your money.
So what should I bet? Do you have any inside tips?

Speaker 5 Bet it all, man.

Speaker 1 Bet your house. Okay.
All right. I don't have one, so.

Speaker 1 Perfect. Done.
Done. It's bet.
Ice Cube, thanks again, man. Appreciate it.
Yeah, yeah. It's great to have you on.

Speaker 5 Thanks, man. Appreciate it, man.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 1 and should we well first of all we need to figure out the order Wait, wait. It's animal traits that you wish that you had.
Animal qualities that you wish you had.

Speaker 1 I prepared for the wrong Mount Rushmore. So let's go.

Speaker 1 I just thought it was traits that you wish I had. So I just said a little bit taller, a baller, a rabbit in a hat with a bat, and a 6'4 in Paulo.
That's like a. I'm going to give it a

Speaker 1 1.8. No, I really did prepare for the wrong Mount Rushmore.
All right, animal traits you wish you had. Who is starting? It's got to be me.
Is it?

Speaker 1 Okay, Jake, PMT Sports Biz Jake Marsh says that it is you. So then I would be second.
Let's also just clear this up.

Speaker 1 That if

Speaker 1 you can pick the same animal with different trait, correct?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think that's fair.

Speaker 1 I think that's fair.

Speaker 1 I mean, based off that, we might not even have the same.

Speaker 1 Like, my first one is the ability to fly. Okay.

Speaker 1 So, which one animal? Bald Eagle. Okay.
You just picked a bald eagle randomly. Animal qualities that you wish to figure out.
Yeah, you don't want the fastest? You want the Pellegreen Falcon?

Speaker 1 Oh, sorry.

Speaker 1 The bald eagle is the boss of the air.

Speaker 1 It's not bottled water because it's Peregrine Falcon. Peregrine.

Speaker 1 Pelligrego. Pellegrino Falcon.
I will take the Lacroix Eagle. All right, wait, but Hank, that's...
Okay, so you want that. But someone can pick a faster bird.
I guess. Okay.

Speaker 1 I thought it was just animal quality. So, like, an animal, a bird has the ability to fly.
I didn't know it was like, we're going specific, animal-specific quality. I don't know.

Speaker 1 I guess we'll just go with it. All right, well, mine, well, I'm happy you didn't pick my first one because I have a bunch of good ones, but I had to do this one.
A dog's loyalty.

Speaker 1 That's number one for me. That's pretty good.
Yes. A dog's loyalty.

Speaker 1 Mine, I'm just, I'm going to go with tiger stripes. What? I just, tigers have badass stripes.
If you're telling me that you don't think tigers look awesome,

Speaker 1 then you're a moron. You're fucking.

Speaker 1 You have two. Okay.
My next one is...

Speaker 1 A rabbit's horniness. Okay, all right.
There you go. Fucking like rabbits.

Speaker 1 Okay, I'll go with

Speaker 1 you don't know about rabbits fucking hell. Yeah, yeah, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 I'll go with a cheetah's speed.

Speaker 1 You just wish you were fast? Yeah, I wish I was a cheetah. A cheetah's speed.
Okay. No, the speed of a cheetah.
Like the message. This is the worst Mount Rushmore we've ever done.

Speaker 1 You're the one that wanted to do it. No, you said you're the one who said it.
I was like, oh, that's good. And then PFT wasn't listening.

Speaker 1 I was just rattling off a lot of general lists, and you're like, I do think this is a good Mount Rushmore. It's just gone sideways, but I do think it is.

Speaker 1 Honestly, Acheeta's speed isn't bad. Yeah.
It'd be cool to be fast. I agree.
I'd much rather have the Tiger. Really fucking fast.
But that's a good consolation price.

Speaker 1 I will go with a dog's desire and passion to ball 24-7. Oh.
Like

Speaker 1 if I had that. So you want to be drunk? Yeah.
If I had that, if I had a dog's desire and passion to just play ball every second of every day, I'd be in the ball. You wouldn't have a job.
No, I would.

Speaker 1 I'd be a professional, something. You'd want to just chase balls all day long.
Is that what you're saying?

Speaker 1 Most dogs, their day is like, when do I get to play ball?

Speaker 1 When do I get to see like that? If I had that, if that was my mindset, I had that quality, I'd be a pro. Okay.
Because that's all you you do. Okay.
Hank.

Speaker 1 Pretty close. Yes, pretty close.

Speaker 1 Hank was stared and looking for the ball.

Speaker 1 And then I'll go with chameleon, like the ability to be a chameleon.

Speaker 1 That's really good.

Speaker 1 That's good, Hank. That's good.

Speaker 1 Okay, I'll go with my third pick. I'll go with an ant strength, 10 to 50 times body weight.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but if you had an ant strength, you'd be weak as fuck.

Speaker 1 I'd have a 10 to 50 times body weight he's talking proportional i would have that dude how much can an ant lift like one but it's a rubber tree perfect proportional i'm oh i have 10 to 50 times the body weight i can lift 10 to 50 times my body weight which is like i don't know so that means that's 2 000 pounds that also means the fatter pounds the fatter you get the stronger i exponentially the stronger you get how would you not want that i thought i didn't know we were going proportional i thought it was like if you get an ant strength and you can lift like one ounce no i want 10 to 50 times i'm gonna go with uh same with proportionality here.

Speaker 1 I'm going with a flea's jumping ability. Ooh, good one.
I'd be able to jump to the moon. Yes.
If you, if a flea were the size of a moon. You'd be able to dunk finally.
No, I could dunk on any hoop.

Speaker 1 I could dunk on Saturn's rings. That's how high I could jump.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And then my last one is going to be the sting of a hornet. Ooh.
Just like if I had a little stinger,

Speaker 1 hornets die out there. Yeah, they die right now.
No, no, Hank. Common misconception.
You're thinking of a honeybee. A hornet stinger is smooth.
It glides in, glides out. So a hornet.

Speaker 1 A hornet can sting multiple. I actually want to give a real quick Monday reading.
We don't have a Monday reading coming today, but this is from my mom. For all you people that don't believe in

Speaker 1 how deadly a single hornet can be.

Speaker 1 She said, I got this last night. I just got stung in the butt by one of those huge hornets, like the one that stung you.
It's been an hour and my butt still hurts badly. Ouch.
I'm okay. Dad got it.

Speaker 1 It flew up to the ceiling and he killed it when it came down.

Speaker 5 Damn.

Speaker 1 So that's a quick Monday reading. Shout out to my dad and my mom.
Hero. That's hero ball.

Speaker 1 That's that's that's a dad strength. That's a dad move, too.
Just killing killing the smallest animal in the world that that you know threatens the family. You hurt my wife in the family.

Speaker 1 This mouse that scared everyone, I got this. I bet my dad just stayed in the living room staring at the ceiling for like 20 minutes.
Just like in a newspaper. Kanamani Crisco.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Actually, he's a big tennis racket guy.
That doesn't seem like it would work for a long time. No, it was Wimbledon's right through.

Speaker 1 All right. My last one.
I'll go with a bear's fishing ability.

Speaker 1 That would be sick. If I could just fucking grab fish out of the water, that would be pretty fun.

Speaker 1 Anything? No? Okay.

Speaker 1 Rocky did that. You guys are doing nothing here.
I'm just thinking about you doing that. It would be sick.
You would never do it, though. Yes, I would.

Speaker 1 I would be like, hey, guys, watch me grab this fish out of the fucking river. You know, it would be crazy.
I think you could do that, though. Nope.
Wait, what?

Speaker 1 You think I could just grab salmon by the fucking thousand? Yes. No chance.
Dude, I've been watching a lot of Planet Earth. Like, their method is not that crazy.
It would be awesome to discuss grabs.

Speaker 1 Their method is they go out in freezing water and they stand there for hours and they catch it with their mouths. Right.
They just scoop them up. You can't.
But you catch it with your mouth.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I could do that with your mouth. He can't catch it with his mouth.
Yeah. Yeah.
Exactly. You could.

Speaker 1 You cannot catch a fish with your hand in a river, Hank.

Speaker 1 There is no chance. Yes, I could.
Okay, well, we'll have to find a way to prove that there's no chance you could do it. Give me enough time and a fucking story.
No, enough time?

Speaker 1 Dude, in Alaska, when the fish are like coming downstream, there's a million of them.

Speaker 1 They go upstream. They go upstream.
The salmon. Second of all, you can't even get Larry in a net.

Speaker 1 In a tank. A goldfish.
Facts. Facts.
Yeah, I had a day on a river in Alaska. I could catch a fish with my house.
Okay, what's your last one?

Speaker 1 I had, I'll go with, I guess, Bears' ability to hibernate.

Speaker 1 Would you really want to do that, though? All football season. The other one...
Well, it doesn't matter what... You can specify the season.
You could just hibernate throughout the spring, right?

Speaker 1 The other one I was thinking. March Madness.

Speaker 1 I'll go with that. I'll go with that.
Okay. My honorable mention was

Speaker 1 to cocoon up and then become a butterfly. Oh.

Speaker 1 I don't know if that would be cool. So, Hank, you want the ability to start out as a shitty, gross thing and then become marginally more attractive.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, it's better than my current situation, which is just like a shitty, gross thing

Speaker 1 for a life. No, then.
This is kind of like you growing a beard. Yeah, I was going to say, you grow the beard.
That's your cocoon. Yeah, that's true.
You already have that that ability.

Speaker 1 You look gorgeous.

Speaker 1 All right. Any honorable mentions? I wrote down a few.

Speaker 1 How about an owl's night vision? Or an eagle's vision, too?

Speaker 1 Eagles can look, I think they can see up to 10 times farther than human beings, which is pretty small. Hawkeye.

Speaker 1 You can squint and spot balls.

Speaker 1 You guys know about the scarlet jellyfish? It can regrow its life. It goes down to the bottom and it becomes like a little baby jellyfish again.

Speaker 1 It rebirths itself. itself, it rebirths itself.
So, it's basically they can just live forever. I wouldn't want that.

Speaker 1 I don't think I'd want that either, especially because if you did that, you'd have to become a baby again. Yeah, that would suck.
No, thanks. But it's a cool idea to throw out there.

Speaker 1 Uh, PFT meerkats have built-in sunglasses. That's pretty awesome.
Yeah, that would solve a lot of problems. That would solve a lot of problems.

Speaker 1 What about the fish from Finding Nemo that has a like light at the end of it? So, you could walk around always with a light in front of yourself. That would be pretty cool.
Like a minor's light. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 How about a. oh, for you, a lion facial hair? Yeah, that'd be nice.
For me? Wait, wait, lions don't really have facial hair. They've got

Speaker 1 yeah, that's pretty good. It's not facial hair, though.
Yeah, I mean, they have they have it around their face. I embrace debate.
Is a lion's main facial hair? I'm sure. I don't think that it is.

Speaker 1 I think it's like it's just a wreath of hair. For

Speaker 1 my son, opossums have self-immunization, so I wouldn't have to get him immune, uh, get him, you know, all those shots and stuff. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I'm not going to, right, exactly. But that'd be pretty sick to be able to just kill.

Speaker 1 Opossums are crazy.

Speaker 1 Is every possum autistic? Because they're immunized?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to answer that.

Speaker 1 And the only other one I wrote down was

Speaker 1 the rat's love for subways. Because, like, I hate going on the subway.

Speaker 1 It'd be nice to enjoy a subway station. Enjoy it, right.
You enjoy being in the subway station. And a rat's love for pizza.
That's true. That's true.
That would be nice, too. Anything else, Hank?

Speaker 1 Any other ones? Penguins. Like, penguins can swim.

Speaker 5 Penguins can swim.

Speaker 1 You could have just pimped a fish. Yeah, you could have been sharks.
I like animals that can be above water and then do. I like the multi-multi-multi-purpose.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 The Humvees. The Matchup animal world.
Like seals would be fun, but then you got to worry about sharks all the time. Yeah, the matchup night.
You just chill and pan up.

Speaker 1 But you don't because you're a human.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I guess I've never seen it. I never thought about that one.

Speaker 1 A shark would have been a good answer. Just swim forever.

Speaker 1 If I had the ability to stay underwater like a shark, I would just become a Navy SEAL and just fuck everyone's mind in Buds training. You would be

Speaker 1 a super soldier. Yeah, they try to keep me underwater to like, and I would just be like, yeah, I'm cool, guys.
I'm here forever. You would be America's secret weapon.
It'd be awesome.

Speaker 1 Any others? Okay, that was either worst or best.

Speaker 1 Electric Eel would be pretty cool. That would just shock everyone.
Like, reach out your hand to shake somebody's hand as a gag. You don't need the buzzer.
You just like zap them. That would be cool.

Speaker 1 Gotcha.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I guess I wrote down dolphins, but but I couldn't figure out what. Maybe like having people fall in love with you and fuck you.
Yeah, that's pretty cool. Or a whale.
A whale.

Speaker 1 You get to fuck John McAfee, right? Yeah, that's true. That is true.
The antivirus. Hey, you've never been in the middle of the day.

Speaker 1 It's like 12 gallons.

Speaker 1 A whale's jizz.

Speaker 1 I wish that when I jizz, it just makes such a big mess.

Speaker 1 Nothing could clean it up.

Speaker 1 I wish my ropes were just like spider silk. I saw a whale shit in Hawaii.
It was sick. He just came right up by the boat, and there was so much shit.
It was awesome to watch.

Speaker 1 I saw a horse jerk off one time. That's pretty cool, too.
Oh, yeah, you told us that story. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, that was whale jerk off talk. Yeah, the worst or the best mountain rush movement we've ever done.
Tell me what we got wrong.

Speaker 1 Being a spider and having the ability to just shoot out like building material that's super strong. That'd be pretty cool, too.
They should do a movie about that. Yeah, they should.
Yeah. All right.

Speaker 1 We have two segments to wrap up. Or a couple segments.
Bad Visual, PFT. You had the Bad Visual? The Bad Visual.
There's a big cheating and chess scandal. So this guy, this Grand Master, got caught.

Speaker 1 By the way, that's a badass name. That's a super cool title for being really good at a game.
Because at some point, you earned the title Grand Master.

Speaker 1 He got caught cheating in a tournament because they took a picture of him in the bathroom looking at a phone. And so he admitted that he went to the bathroom and he was checking his phone.

Speaker 1 Here was his quote. He should have just pulled up U-porn.
Yeah, this guy.

Speaker 1 That would have been a great explanation. It's just like, I wanted to crank one out.
Yeah. It clears my mind.

Speaker 1 So this guy, let's see what his name is, Rousus. He says, I simply lost my mind yesterday.
I confirmed the fact of using my phone during the game.

Speaker 1 Excuse me. By written statement, what could I say more? Yes, I was tired after the morning game, and all the Facebook activity of accusers also have a known impact.

Speaker 1 At least what I committed yesterday is a good lesson. Not for me.
I played my last game of chess already. Whoa.
He's making himself a martyr. So he retired.
I think this is his way of walking out.

Speaker 1 He let the Facebook community get to him. Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 That's pretty badass. If you get caught cheating by looking at your phone during a game of chess on a toilet, the last thing I would do is like check the Facebook comments about my article.

Speaker 1 How do you cheat on chess?

Speaker 1 So you can, I guess, program it into a computer. Humility.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but isn't... Didn't we have those chess people that beat the computer? Maybe he was just on Tinder and his bio just said, if you're really good at chess, hit me up for a discussion.

Speaker 1 Tell me what this rook should do in this position. Yeah, he was just asking the community of hot chicks what he should do in the game.
But it's funny because his rating has gone...

Speaker 1 There were a bunch of red flags about this guy to begin with that they should have caught. His rating was going up as he was getting older.
And I think PEDs. Typically, it's just like, you know,

Speaker 1 Roger Clemens. Yeah.
Well, allegedly, he was never convicted. LeBron? Both.
Oh, okay. Both.

Speaker 1 Your brain starts to deteriorate before you get to the age of like 50 in chess, so you never see somebody continue to improve at that age. Interesting.

Speaker 1 Except for this guy, and they caught him using a phone in the toilet.

Speaker 1 I love.

Speaker 1 We should get. We should get, actually, you know what? Let's do that for Barstow Gold.
We got to get a chess master on. You want to have a chess master? That would be sick.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Just talk about like what's the what's the groupie scene for chess master? Oh, I'm sure it's awesome. Well, you slay dude when you go to like in Russia? Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure like chess dads are like pageant moms to the point where like they will keep their son tied up to a chair for 14 hours a day and just like reward him with a taste of water if he gets out of like a gambit.

Speaker 1 All right, so we'll find that out. We'll find that out for you guys later.
All right. our last segment of the day, we have a Sabre Metrics.

Speaker 1 This one is actually for an awesome, well, bad story, but an awesome event on Friday night. The Angels

Speaker 1 for Tyler Skaggs, they wore his number 45. He passed away tragically a couple weeks ago.
Pitcher for the Angels. They all wore number 45,

Speaker 1 and they won, but they won with a combined no-hitter. And then the numbers after.

Speaker 1 Like, this is one of those situations where if you don't believe something else is going on, I don't, but I, like, these things happen. And you're like, what the fuck? Like, D.

Speaker 1 Gordon hitting that home run for Jose Fernandez.

Speaker 1 So they pitched a combined no-hitter, and the last time there was a combined no-hitter in the state of California was July 13th, 1991, which was the day that Tyler Skaggs was born.

Speaker 1 So his birthday, the no-hitter happened, like hours before his birthday.

Speaker 1 Mike Trout, wearing number 45 for Tyler Skaggs, hit a home run in his first at-bat, 454 feet, which is weird. They scored seven runs in the first inning and ended up with 13 runs.
His birthday, 713.

Speaker 1 His mom threw out the first pitch through a strike.

Speaker 1 And there was one more. Oh, there was one that was Mike.
This is the Tim Kirchin one where it's like getting a little too far down there, but I'll still throw it out there.

Speaker 1 Trout, in his last 45 games, he has reached base 45% of the time. That's pretty cool.
That is pretty cool.

Speaker 1 So it was one of those like bigger than, you know, some things are bigger than sports moments. Shout out Rigo Bosco, where everything kind of came together and it was a very cool moment.

Speaker 1 It's like one of those Kennedy-Lincoln things that all adds up. Right.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln Lincoln. Yeah, right.

Speaker 1 Right. And you're just like, whoa, what's going on here? Are the angels?

Speaker 1 Should we start putting just like a little tickler on them? Maybe Team of Destiny? Angels in the Outfield. Yeah.
That would be pretty cool. Good point.
Yeah. Good point.
The Rally Monkey.

Speaker 1 Bring back the Rally Monkey. I mean, that was a big mistake when they got rid of the Rally Monkey.
Huge mistake. Where'd the Rally Monkey? Why'd the Rally Monkey even start?

Speaker 1 It got sick of Mike Spirit. Did a monkey run onto the field? No, I think think they did.

Speaker 1 I think it was like an extra in a Disney movie. There's a little kid having a fan.

Speaker 1 Somebody said, hey, we got this free monkey if anybody wants it. The Angels is a franchise.
No, it's very interesting.

Speaker 1 I want to amend one of my Mount Rushmores. I want the luck of a rally monkey.
Okay, there you go. You can't, but it was an Allian Finn retroactively.
Yeah. That is illegal.

Speaker 1 As we know, once you take your hand off the piece, it's over. You can't go on the phone.
Or you can go into the bathroom. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 All right, we got a couple really good guests coming up for you this week. We have Dr.
Phil on Wednesday. We have possibly Chris Broussard on Friday.
So big week. We're going to get through this.

Speaker 1 We only have a couple more weeks till the Hall of Fame game. So you got this, guys.

Speaker 1 See you Wednesday. Love you guys.
Especially you, Matt Schaub, and Blue Lock. I'm really looking forward to it.

Speaker 1 I'm getting that

Speaker 1 when you

Speaker 1 must be thinking about my tongue.

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Speaker 1 you're clip and switching back and forth

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Speaker 1 from my dick to my tongue

Speaker 1 I'm getting there

Speaker 1 when you bust your bait think about my tongue

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Speaker 1 your clip is switching back and forth

Speaker 1 Switching back and forth from my dick

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Speaker 1 from magic to matter.

Speaker 1 It's part and my take presented by Barstool Sports.