The 2019 Takies With Blake Griffin, Brooks Koepka, Blake Bortles, And Many More Celebrities

Speaker 1 Hey, pardon my take, listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
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Speaker 1 On today's part in my take, the 2019 Takeies

Speaker 1 are here. Yes, it is that time of the year where there are no sports going on.
So, we have our award show, the most important award show in all of sports, the 2019 Takeies. We have a ton of awards.

Speaker 1 I think we we have 24 awards that we're handing out tonight. We have Rising Star of the Year.

Speaker 1 We have Worst Take of the Year, Mike Tomlin Quote of the Year, Still Alive Person of the Year, and of course, Blake of the Year. So a lot of good, good stuff coming your way.

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Speaker 1 Okay, let's go.

Speaker 1 and then a lot of

Speaker 1 work to be done.

Speaker 1 No place behind a law washing,

Speaker 1 and then I can't blame all of the suns. Oh, no, we're gonna rock down to Elite Trick Avenue,

Speaker 1 and then we take it higher.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're gonna rock it down to Electric Avenue,

Speaker 1 and then by bar.

Speaker 1 Welcome to part of my take, presented by the Cash App, the first takeie winner of this show. The Cash App, go download it right now, put in code Barstow.
You get $5 and $5 to ASPCA.

Speaker 1 Today is Friday, July 12th, and we have the 2019 Takeies. It's just a pleasure to be here.

Speaker 1 There's been so many great takes that have taken place this year, so many great Blakes that have existed this year.

Speaker 1 So many great sports moments, memories, faux pas, caliparis. Just a great great year for sports in general.
Great year for sports, I want to say, because we're being nice to each other this year.

Speaker 1 You guys look great. It's a black tie affair.
We're dressed to the nines. To dress, you guys impress.
Yeah, you look great, Hank. Thank you.
You got a great pin. What does that pin say?

Speaker 1 It says Duke's year. Oh, okay.
That's nice. This past year or this year? Both.
Well, we'll get into it. Yes.
Shrdinger's year. Schrödinger's year.
Yes, exactly. Schrödinger's year.

Speaker 1 All right, we got to do a couple things before we get to the takesies.

Speaker 1 The first is Mike Rabel, Coach Rabel, who is football guy of the week, some week that he won, recurring guest, has one-upped all of our bets.

Speaker 1 So whether it be eating horse poop, whether it be cutting off a finger, whether it be getting a cat, Mike Vrabel said that if he wins the Super Bowl, he'll cut off his dick.

Speaker 1 Well, what he said was he would cut off his dick to win the Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 So this is like an alternate universe where some spirit, or maybe the devil, it sounds like a deal with the devil, where he pops up through the ground in the middle of Broadway and Nashville and says, Coach Vrabel, if you remove your penis, I will grant you a Super Bowl ring.

Speaker 1 And his response was, well, I've been married for 20 years. My wife would probably be psyched.
So yeah, so yeah, I'd do it. I don't need my dick anymore.

Speaker 1 Also, I think that we were going to get to a point in science in the next 20 years.

Speaker 1 Like, we're not going to probably figure out this whole climate change thing, but getting like dick replacement surgery,

Speaker 1 that might have already happened. Yeah, no, it has happened.
Oh, okay. Because there was some billionaire.
Remember, he went overseas and he died during the surgery to make his dick bigger.

Speaker 1 oh so then they took his dick and gave it to someone else i assume that they give it that it's like a transplant thing where they give it to somebody who has the big dick yeah and then that well it's probably a corpse so they probably take a corpse with a giant dick and milton burrell they cut off milton burrows dick yep and then they replace it with a tiny dick as he's buried either way uh it is disappointing that coach rabel did not say this on our show that's all i gotta say that is that is pretty that's really the part that's all i thought about it i didn't think hey that's crazy a man said he would cut off his own dick to win a super bowl nope I'm like, hey, come on, coach.

Speaker 1 You listen to the show, you're a recurring guest, you're a football guy of the week, and you saved it for what? Your fucking offensive lineman's podcast?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I would feel disrespected, honestly, if I was a defensive lineman or a defensive back on that team and he didn't say that on my podcast. True.
I'd be like, what?

Speaker 1 You're showing favoritism towards the big uglies up here. That's pretty messed up.

Speaker 1 Also, if you were Tim Tebow, like, or I'll spin it this way: if you were the thousands of Filipino orphans who had Tim Tebow cut their dicks off and they don't get any titles that's kind of messed up that's true that's true Vrabel is like rubbing salt in that wound yes what like this this deal should work for every it should be transferable to everyone that's right for your favorite team Belichick's the kind of guy who would cut off his dick one year too early instead of one year too late that's why he's won all those titles Vrabel is chasing a ghost yeah we also have bagel boss guy who's taking over the internet I don't really know what else to say except PFT, would you like to comment?

Speaker 1 Yes. As our resident shortcuts.
I would like to comment. Thank you, Big Cat, because we need to.
Wait, who is the bagel boss?

Speaker 1 Bagel Boss guy is this five-foot-tall guy who went viral because he freaked out at bagel boss. Apparently, someone at bagel boss.

Speaker 1 What a great name for a bagel place. Right.
It's apparently someone behind the counter said, Would you like a mini bagel?

Speaker 1 Which was the trigger. He also ordered a whole wheat bagel with a slice of Swiss and egg whites.
So one of the worst bagel orders of all time. It's pretty weird.

Speaker 1 Kind of deserved the mini bagel dig there. He went viral.
He basically challenged everyone at bagel boss to a fight, and then some guy just came in.

Speaker 1 It wasn't even like a wrestling move. He just kind of sat on him a little bit.
Yeah, almost like a Yokozuna. It was just a nursery.

Speaker 1 The guy just walked into him, and the guy fell down and got pinned to the ground.

Speaker 1 It looked like if you've ever seen nature videos or like a Steve Irwin video where he takes down like a small mammal so he can tag it and then release it. That's what it looked like.

Speaker 1 I call this guy Salt Bagel.

Speaker 1 You guys remember Salt Bagel? Yes, we do. With a little sprinkle sprinkle thing? Yes.
But yeah, Big Cat, thank you for asking me if I'd like to speak for him. I would like to speak for him because

Speaker 1 we need to self-police, okay? We need to self-police ourselves because things are getting out of hand here. That guy does not speak for all undersized people out there.
Short people.

Speaker 1 He speaks for himself, undersized people.

Speaker 1 And maybe, you know, this might be... So you disavowing from the short community? No, no, as the head spokesman of the short people.

Speaker 1 I can't speak for the short community because I'm not one, but I'm saying if I were like two inches shorter, this is what I would say.

Speaker 1 I would say that you know, this person does not speak for the entire community. Got it, and I'm challenging him to a fist fight, so I'm trying to track him down.

Speaker 1 I'm officially challenging him to rough and rowdy. If I can find

Speaker 1 fight-wise, yeah, it is. No, I don't, you know what I would do? I would do that thing.

Speaker 1 You remember when those soccer players got into the scuffle and the guy did the like head thing, like you're so short thing? I would do that to him because I would feel like

Speaker 1 I would feel like a giant against him, and I would defeat him easily. But yeah,

Speaker 1 bagel boss guy,

Speaker 1 he is canceled. Oh.
There's no other way to say it.

Speaker 1 You canceled him.

Speaker 1 I think humanity canceled Bagel Boss. You guys canceled himself.
Yeah, he's not a good guy. But I'm glad that there was somebody there that took matters in their own hands.
By videotaping. Yes.

Speaker 1 By videotaping it. And then giving it to all of us.
And uploading it for all the clicks of it. That's the real hero here.
You know who I really blame? Carbs. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You don't see this type of thing happening in a jerky store. Yeah, or just salad.
Or just salad. Where Hank's been just blown every day.
If you're keto and you're short, you don't act out like this.

Speaker 1 By the way, way, Hank, I still can't get over it. I know I make this joke every day, but the fact that the restaurant's called Just Salad is so genius.
Every day, I can't do that.

Speaker 1 Hank just comes back. I'm going to get salad.
Just a salad? Yeah. And it's like, yeah, just a salad.
Like, they have anything else? No, it's just salad.

Speaker 1 The name is just salad. It's not a bad name.
But I like the idea of going to a salad place, knowing that

Speaker 1 I can go off the rails.

Speaker 1 Because I'm so confused that there's actually a place called Just Salad. No, I'm saying you do it.
You nail it on the head every time. Like, you set yourself up for it.

Speaker 1 You're like, where are you going? I'm like, I'm going to go ahead and get it.

Speaker 1 Also,

Speaker 1 if we want it, let's get out of being nice. You have a little bowl that you walk around with that says just salad, which is a weird move.
You get two free extras.

Speaker 1 You just walk around with your bowl all day. Yeah, you are kind of like a walking billboard for vitamins.
You're flaunting your salad for like hours at a time. It's not just a sit and eat.

Speaker 1 You just flaunt your just salad bowl. I'm sorry for interrupting you, P.S.
Okay. Well, no, it wasn't interrupting.

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Speaker 1 Code audio at checkout. Has Sam Decker signed yet? I don't believe that he has.
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Speaker 1 Pre-breakers season? Oh, no. No.
No, he's an NBA. No, he's come on, Hank.
He's an NBA. I mean, the offer's on the table.
Yeah, if he wants it. If he wants it.
But really,

Speaker 1 he's going to get signed. We're just making sure that everyone remembers what Sam Decker.
I've actually heard. Let's try this process.

Speaker 1 I've heard from numerous teams. So Leroy's reporting a lot of sources right now saying that there's a bidding war going on for Sam Decker.
I heard this one. Between four mystery teams.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the Suns, the Wizards, the Bucks,

Speaker 1 and the Lakers. The Lakers, and the Clippers.
Yeah, so it's getting to really Los Angeles battle for Decker. Damn.

Speaker 1 And then the other thing we were going to do real quick before we get to the 2019 Takeies, let's do a little Fire Fest of the week.

Speaker 1 We actually have a Mount Rushmore inside of the Takies because we have some very special guests that are presenting some of these awards for us, presenting the winners.

Speaker 1 So the Russian nesting doll of an award. You'll be shocked to see some of the names that are part of the 2019 takeies.
Call it star-studded would be an understatement. Yes, understatement.

Speaker 1 Hank, you want to start with your Fire Fest of the Week?

Speaker 1 Not really. Okay, so why don't you start? No, you go.
No. No, I don't think you have.
Do you not have yours yet? Do you not have one? I have one what? A Fire Fest of the Week? Of course I do. Okay.

Speaker 1 My Fire Fest of the Week this week is

Speaker 1 just the fact that I don't get to read ads today. Oh.
I got that high, as you guys know.

Speaker 1 I'm sure, I mean, I didn't realize, like, you know, I'm usually just behind the scenes, clicking buttons when the show's over. It's really nothing.

Speaker 1 The high, after reading ads and just being in front of the mic, it was something else. And these past few days, I've just been kind of like, I don't know what to do with myself.

Speaker 1 Do you want to just read an ad for a company that's not a sponsor? Just to

Speaker 1 get back into the practice of it?

Speaker 1 How about I read an ad for chocolate milk? Oh, okay. Breaking Moose.

Speaker 1 Hank is going to read a chocolate milk ad right now.

Speaker 1 Breaking Moose.

Speaker 1 This is the dumbest way we've backed into an ad ever because we did not plan any of that.

Speaker 1 So I was in the gym the other day with Ennis Cantor. I saw him there.
He was working out.

Speaker 1 Enos. Enos.
Enos. Like penis.
I think it's Ennis. Rhymey Penis, too.

Speaker 1 And he had a cockamime way of doing the bench press. It was weird.
You know, he had different weights on his

Speaker 1 sides. Keckamime.
And that was crazy. But luckily, I gave him some chalk of milk.

Speaker 1 I said, even if you hurt yourself doing this cockamime way of bench pressing, you can drink chalk and milk and you'll get better. Wait, wait, did he actually have different weights on each side?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was cockamime. He was probably

Speaker 1 just making a mistake because I think we've all done that at some point at the gym where you put like a 25-pound weight on one side and a 35 on the other, and you're like, oh, yeah, this is the same.

Speaker 1 And then you start lifting it, and it's all cackmame. Yeah.
Now comes the part that we aren't supposed to read: built with chalkamilk.com.

Speaker 1 Okay. Nice.
Great job. By the way, were you actually there with?

Speaker 1 Was Cantor actually there? No.

Speaker 1 Wow. What a roller coaster of a story that was.
That was the worst. You said that you were supposed to queue me up for this week.

Speaker 1 Your words are Cockamine and Ennis Cantor, but I just improvised and just did it. I went to the bottom.
That was good. That was good.
That was really good. You had me fooled.

Speaker 1 I thought that he was working out with a basketball player. By the way,

Speaker 1 you don't think I would have mentioned that in passing? Yeah, you definitely would have.

Speaker 1 We don't talk off the air. We're like Mike and Mike.

Speaker 1 The three of us don't speak to each other. Yeah, the end of order.
The end of the years of Mike and Mike.

Speaker 1 Did you the reaction to your ad reads was fantastic because it was either stunned. It was either like very, very much against or very, very much pro.

Speaker 1 I thought everyone was going to be against, so the fact that there was anyone that was positive felt a lot. I got a lot of Instagram followers at Henry Walkwood 1.

Speaker 1 Shout out to everyone that followed me.

Speaker 1 So it's been a good few days. It's like the old Howard Stern thing.
They say that the people that didn't like him listened twice as long as people that did.

Speaker 1 So people were probably the ones that hated you, that tweeted at us complaining, were probably rewinding and listening to the ads multiple times. Correct.
So, good job, Hank. Great job, Hank.

Speaker 1 Thank you. We'll mix in a couple Hank ads here and there.
Wow. Yeah.
That would mean a lot. Okay.
It was also a lie. PFT, what do you got?

Speaker 1 My Fire Fest of the Week is: so I had to fill out a credentialing thing for, I'm going to the next DNC debates. We stick to sports on part of my take, but I'm covering the 2020 election.

Speaker 1 They're going for you right now. They are because I'm not sticking to sports.

Speaker 1 But I had to fill out a credentialing thing, and probably 99% of it was numbers-based, where I had to put in like social security number because there's like a lot of security things that go into checking people's backgrounds before they let them in.

Speaker 1 So it's probably a four or five-minute credentialing process, which feels like two hours when you're on your phone trying to fill this stuff out. And all the numbers,

Speaker 1 it was the horizontal keyboard that popped up on my phone to do all the numbers. And it made me really miss that like moment.
You want to talk about Mount Rushmore thrills. The thrill

Speaker 1 that you get inside your body when the normal telephone keyboard pops up on the the screen that you get to put numbers into your phone.

Speaker 1 I don't know who the engineers are that developed that, but tip of the cap to you, because this was the worst five minutes of my week by far. That sucks.
That sounds terrible.

Speaker 1 That's the worst thing I had to do this week. That sounds like it.
That's a fire fest. Awful stuff.
Awful stuff.

Speaker 1 And then you know what happened? I submitted, and then it didn't let me send it through because it's like, oh, you didn't fill this one part out correctly. It had asterisks all over the place.

Speaker 1 I had to go back and resubmit certain parts with the numbers.

Speaker 1 Awful. Oof.
Awful. All right.
My Fire Fest is it's actually a regret for something I did,

Speaker 1 but I wish I hadn't. So

Speaker 1 I was walking with my son. Yes, I had a baby.
No big deal. Sex once.

Speaker 1 But there was a spider on his stroller. And I thought for a second,

Speaker 1 let this spider... bite my son so I can be the father of Spider-Man.
Okay. But then I killed the spider.

Speaker 1 But ever since, since, I've been thinking I just messed with like the laws of nature and I kind of fucked up Marvel forever. Also, your son is going to grow up without immunity to spiders.
True.

Speaker 1 Because you're supposed to eat what, like eight?

Speaker 1 I remember I ate all my spiders in 2014. A spider a week gets you on fleek.
Do you think I should have let the spider bite my son? I think just a little bit, just like one fang.

Speaker 1 Like that, there was a moment, and this is a really stupid thing to admit, but there was a moment where I stopped and I was like, yo, is Spider-Man about to to be created again?

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, you've said privately off the air that you're not going to vaccinate your son, which is, you know, this is

Speaker 1 in keeping with that.

Speaker 1 It's in keeping with that.

Speaker 1 No poking of any sort if it's a needle. No, if it's a fang.
You misunderstood, I'm only going to vaccinate him with spiders. Okay.
So we're just going to get all the spiders in the world.

Speaker 1 Here's what you do. You inject a spider with a tiny bit of the MMR vaccine, and then you let the spider

Speaker 1 son. That way it's more like of a homeopathic, natural way to vaccinate.
This is fucked up to think about because I've been watching Stranger Things too, and that's

Speaker 1 that show's fucked, man. Kids like that show? Yeah, hell yeah.
Yeah, kids love that show. Fuck.
By the way, I'll be scared forever. You guys need to get on the big little lies train.

Speaker 1 We need to talk about that show. Okay, I will.
I will watch some point. I will watch it.
Meryl Streep, such a bad thing. When is the starting of Respecter? When's the finale?

Speaker 1 Probably not for a few weeks. All right, I'll try to catch up.
I will try to catch up. Okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. They're hour-long episodes.
Yeah. Okay.
Oh, and it flies by. You can do it, Hank.
They go by. How many episodes in season one? I think there's seven.

Speaker 1 I'm going to make it. I promise you I will catch up

Speaker 1 by the season finale. Okay.
I will watch a few episodes this weekend. It's funny watching Nicole Kidman because when she gets really upset, she slides back into her Australian accent.

Speaker 1 It's like me when I don't really have anything else to say. I slide into an Australian accent.
That's exactly what she does. Okay.

Speaker 1 Should we do it? Should we do the takeies? Crookie. Let's do the takies.

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Speaker 1 Okay, boys. Do we have some like dramatic music or something that we're going to to play underneath this? Maybe the music.
Oh, do the music that they. Chunk.
No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Do the music that they do when they're walking up to get the Super Bowl trophy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What is that? No, I was about to do. That's just Roger Goodell sweating and breathing loud.
Yeah, do that. So we're all touching the Super Bowl trophy right now, and we're about to do it.

Speaker 1 The 2019 Takeies. You ready? I was born ready.
I'm going to just keep talking while I get my notes up. Are you ready? I'm also pulling my notes up, so I'm almost ready.
I'm ready for the two.

Speaker 1 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome. Yes, here we go.
This feels good. Pardon my take studio presented by Cash App.
It is the 2019

Speaker 1 Takey Awards. 24 takeies we are giving out today,

Speaker 1 and we are starting. The first takey is going to the Rising Star of the Year.
This is going to three guys nominated for their Rising Star in the Hot Take World.

Speaker 1 The first is Paul Pierce, who has been an absolute lightning bolt.

Speaker 1 If he famously said, I think this series is over after the Milwaukee Bucks beat, or sorry, the Celtics beat the Bucks in the first game of a game they then lost in five.

Speaker 1 I don't know where Milwaukee goes from here because whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 4 So is this over?

Speaker 1 No, listen. I think it's over.
Then he said that he pooped his pants afterwards to throw people off the scent.

Speaker 1 He has been a

Speaker 1 true rising star. Then we have Ryan Hollins.
You would probably recognize him as a guy who is on first take when Kellerman or Stephen A aren't on.

Speaker 1 And he's had a lot of takes, but none better than saying Giannis can't be in the MVP conversation in December. Agreed.
I don't know why I agree, but it feels right.

Speaker 1 He just was very adamant that don't even talk about it. A big man.
A big man can't win the MVP. Don't put Giannis' name in your lips.

Speaker 1 When Max Kellerman looks at you like your takes are terrible and disgust me, you got a problem. Yes.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
Or physically disgust. That's when you know you're a rising star.

Speaker 1 But yeah, the weird thing is, I bet you that Ryan Hollins would get along really well with Stephen A. Smith on takes like those.
Like Max Kellerman, he is too intellectual.

Speaker 1 He thinks before he speaks, which is his big problem. If you're in the take game, you got to be firing these takes out from your gut, from the bottom of your intestines.

Speaker 1 Doesn't matter which hole they come out,

Speaker 1 but it's got to come from within you. It's not coming from your brain.
It's true. And then the final nominee is Jay Williams, recurring guest, but he had the take.
Duke can beat the Cavs in the fall.

Speaker 1 Duke lost 24 hours later to Gonzaga in the Maui Invitational. Yeah, that's tough.
They didn't even make a Final Four. That's tough.
That's really tough.

Speaker 1 And I love when a take like that gets busted up that quickly.

Speaker 1 And on top of all that, shout out to Jay Williams because someone has to carry the torch going forward to do name college team that's really good can beat the worst team in the professional league.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, we need to have that every year. I'm waiting for a billionaire to step step in and make one of these games actually happen.
This feels like an Elon Musk situation, right?

Speaker 1 Where he rents out the Rose Bowl and he gets,

Speaker 1 let's call him probably Clemson. He'll get Clemson out there.
Well, no, Georgia was the best team in college football. So it'll be Georgia against, let's say, the

Speaker 1 Cleveland Browns. No, we can't do that.

Speaker 1 The Soft Browns fans talking about the Bengals and the Browns.

Speaker 1 An all-star team of the Bengals and the Browns mixed together, coached by Hugh Jackson. Yes.
It it is true, though.

Speaker 1 It's like when you see, you know, when they'll write the story about a rookie, Phenom, that it takes a couple months for them to catch on. Like, hey, is this guy really this good?

Speaker 1 That this, the saying, Duke can beat the Cavs is like Jay Williams' arrival moment. He's just letting everyone know, hey, I'm here now to just spew some bullshit out here.
I'm for real. So

Speaker 1 who's the winner? All right, so the winner is

Speaker 1 Hank, your boy, Paul Pierce. Congrats, Paul.
Paul Pierce. The truth.
Congratulations.

Speaker 1 Tells no lies. This is the truth.

Speaker 1 He also, I love the truth, but did you guys see his outfit at the Espys? No. It was tough.
Really? It was like wrinkly. It looked like if I went to the Espys.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, I have one suit that I wear when I have to wear a suit. And I usually, like, it's like, oh, shit, suit night.
Let me take it out. Like, don't get it dry clean.

Speaker 1 Just put on a shirt that doesn't even really match. It's fun.
That's what he looked like. I'm kind of the same way.
A little bit overweight. Like, it was too tight.

Speaker 1 I'm sure, Hank, if you were invited to, what is the most formal occasion you could conceivably ever be? The Oscar Awards, maybe? Duncan Awards. Duncan Awards.
The Duncan Awards.

Speaker 1 But if it was, if it was the Oscars, if it was like a black-tied gala at the White House, you would probably still forget to iron your suit until

Speaker 1 five minutes before, and you spray some water on it. Like, put it in the shower while you're showering, hoping the steam takes it out.
It doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 We're so incorrigible when it comes to our suit behavior. Big Cat taught me how to fold suit pants.
Oh, that's way back in the day. I did.
I still remember to this day. I did.
That's right.

Speaker 1 You fold them in half. Yeah.

Speaker 1 By the way, just the crease. Yeah, the crease.
You got to get it. The crease.
As an aside for the Espies, at what point is it awkward that T.O. keeps going to the Espes? Oh, he's got a lot of stuff.

Speaker 1 That was weird. I thought he was there for a reason.
I did too.

Speaker 1 And they showed him. I was like, dude, what? What are you doing right now? There are certain guys that have a ticket for life to the Espies.

Speaker 1 I feel like T.O., whenever he wants to show up, he can do it. A guy like Dennis Rodman, they'll probably let him in whenever because he's going to wear something ridiculous.

Speaker 1 But then they sit him probably all the way in the back. Oh, for sure.
You're T.O., I mean, yeah, you're a Hall of Famer, but this is all about the guys who are playing now.

Speaker 1 But he's basically a part owner of ESP and giving all the airtime that he gave him back in like 2004 or 2005. True.
I thought that was weird, though. All right, what do we got next?

Speaker 1 All right, for our second award of the year, this is a brand new award. This is the Baker Taker of the Year.

Speaker 1 So Baker Mayfield is the quarterback whose face has spawned 1,000 takes this year all across the media landscape. We've got three very, very well-deserving nominees.

Speaker 1 The first is my favorite favorite person in the entire world, Mike Greenberg.

Speaker 1 So, Mike Greenberg, he tweeted this out. This is back in, I believe this was September.
He said, Baker Mayfield's agent should demand a trade. That kid has some magic, and they're going to ruin him.

Speaker 1 For the good of the sport, the hashtag Browns should let him go. Oh, you love the for the good of the sport.
Loved it for the good of the sport. That's really what made the take for me.

Speaker 1 This isn't about Baker. No, it's not.
It's not about Greene. No, it's not about Greene.
It's a bigger thing. This is about football succeeding.

Speaker 1 This is the health and wealth of football in general needs to be saved by getting Baker Mayfield off the Browns. Our second nominee goes to Colin Cowherd.
So this is

Speaker 1 more of a lifetime achievement award in Baker taking because he's been on a tear for the last year and a half.

Speaker 1 He can't keep Baker's name out of his mouth.

Speaker 1 But I'd say the best one they had was when he brought Baker on his show and confronted him face to face like a man about how he celebrated with the band after a touchdown when he was in college.

Speaker 1 And then Baker was like, Well, you didn't show the other five touchdowns that I threw where I went and celebrated with my teammates.

Speaker 1 And Coward was like,

Speaker 1 Still don't like it. Yep.

Speaker 1 Still can't be sold.

Speaker 1 Still don't like it. Yeah.
Don't like it, Baker. Yes.
And then the third nominee is Jason McIntyre for getting mad about Baker Mayfield returning to his phone after the game. All time.

Speaker 1 Going to his phone, checking his messages instead of, I guess, talking to Jason McIntyre. A game that he didn't start.
he took over, so it was improbable that he was in the game

Speaker 1 and the first win the Cleveland Browns had in like a year and a half. Yep.
And oh my God, he looked at his phone and answered a couple text messages from his family. Yep.

Speaker 1 So the winner of the inaugural Baker Taker of the Year Award goes to uh-oh,

Speaker 1 the king of morning drive time radio and television, Mike Greenberg,

Speaker 1 for uh saying that his agent should demand a trade after like one loss. Thank God.
For the good of the sport. For the good of the sport.
For the good of the sport. That's what put it over the top.

Speaker 1 Yes, absolutely.

Speaker 1 By the way, before we get to our next

Speaker 1 takeie, we are dressed up, and you wouldn't know that unless you have barstoolgold.com slash PMT. Good point, big cat.
And what are you wearing? We're wearing tuxedos. I'm wearing.
This is Sharpie.

Speaker 1 This is Ralph Lorraine. A shirt by Sharpie.

Speaker 1 And a special. Have we released the Cuddler yet? Yes, it came out today.
Holy shit. If you have barstoolgold.com PMT, the cuddler episode is unreal.
We had our intern, Jake, PMT Sports Biz.

Speaker 1 It's pretty hot. Get cuddled.
Whoa, Hank. Hank.
It was hot.

Speaker 1 It was non-sexual. It was not hot.
It's a non-sexual. You said non-sexual.
It's therapeutic touch. Actually, no, you know what? Hank.
Hank's okay saying that because we're not supposed to sex shape.

Speaker 1 We're supposed to openly talk about the fact that Hank has a boner when you watch Jake and the cuddler cuddle. Hank, it's a normal, healthy thing.

Speaker 1 In fact, I'm glad that you have a boner for the first time in, what, three years?

Speaker 1 That's actually something that we should celebrate on.

Speaker 1 We are open.

Speaker 1 No, Hank, that's awesome. We're open.
I'm going to give a takeie award for Hank's first boner to Hank. Wow.
Or your little boner. So go do it, barstowcold.com slash BMT.
All right. Speaking of boners,

Speaker 1 the next takeie is the Rick Petito Premature Celebration of the Year.

Speaker 1 We have three nominees for this. Hugh Jackson trying to go for two in overtime when the game was already over.
I watched that that back. It was off a field goal too, which is even more interesting.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so you can't be up by three. You'd rather be up by five, right? The chart says to go for two after a field goal.
Unreal. Colin Cowherd,

Speaker 1 who was nominated for the previous award, didn't win. He had my big conclusion by the middle of the second quarter, the Bucs and Raptors games.
The Bucs and the Raptors aren't beating Golden State.

Speaker 1 This Warriors team. Now, if you stopped right there, you'd be like, okay, that's fine.
You know, Golden State's still the one. But hold on.

Speaker 1 This Warriors team without Boogie or KD in a beat-up Iggy would beat Milwaukee and sweep Toronto. Yeah, that's tough.
Sweep Toronto. That's tough, Colin.
So that's tough.

Speaker 1 And then we had finally Auburn fans for the final four, rolling Toomer's Corner

Speaker 1 without realizing the Kyle Guy was fouled on a three-point attempt, and then they lost the game. The time-lapse video of that.
Unbelievable.

Speaker 1 It's all at the same time very entertaining and also heartbreaking yes very very entertaining so uh the winner is especially because you see that video in football season all the time and that like what happened couldn't happen in a football game really yes yes the winner is

Speaker 1 Auburn fans for Rolling Tomors Corner. Please

Speaker 1 if you're an Auburn fan, please accept this. Tweet us saying that you accept it.
War Eagle. All-time moment, War Eagle.
Still the bad. Like

Speaker 1 if Auburn, if you're trying to think about where to go to college, all you got to be like, hey, do you want to be able to walk around and say War Eagle for the rest of the year?

Speaker 1 War Eagle is pretty bad.

Speaker 1 That's a selling point right there.

Speaker 1 Now, if you're an Auburn student, would you rather that Harvey Updike had succeeded in poisoning all the trees like immediately so that that video and that celebration didn't exist? I think they did.

Speaker 1 I think they had to replant a couple. So, yeah, I need an update on the tree status down there.
Are those the real trees? Are they fake trees? Are some of them poisoned? Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, so that was the Rip Patino premature celebration of the year taking.

Speaker 1 You know what sucks is that all the toilet paper is up in the tree and then they're sad sad and they're crying, and they have to climb into a tree to wipe themselves, wipe their tears off.

Speaker 1 That's exactly that's terrible. All right, next up.

Speaker 1 The next award is for the Boston Sports Heartbreak of the Year. It's been a tough year for Boston sports fans.

Speaker 1 I think only two out of your four teams won national championships or excuse me, world championships. And the Bruins, they lost in the Stanley Cup final.

Speaker 1 So it was really, you had to experience three finals. Only two out of the three were victories.
So it was a tough year.

Speaker 1 The first nominee for Boston Sports Heartbreak of the Year was Rob Gronkowski and his fake retirement because he's definitely coming back. That's what that's coming back.
That's tough.

Speaker 1 Dude, when he saw the long neck guy. That amazing video, he was shook.
And then also at the Espies last night, he was doing a panel with like D. Wade.

Speaker 1 I think it was

Speaker 1 Lindsey Vaughan maybe and him. And like Lindsey Vaughn was like, oh, you know, we're a bunch of old people.
And he took great offense to that.

Speaker 1 The long neck video.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the the long neck video was so funny like people were tired like oh i'm tired like i'm you know i'm washed up he was like no no no it was also just a moment where everyone's been saying rob gromkowski is going to be like the next superstar in hollywood and then within like three months of being retired he's doing a monster energy promo with longneck and he's like whoa what yeah he's like i need to go i don't know about this yeah i think that rob could be a great are you drinking yeah he has two takeies

Speaker 1 hank is weird

Speaker 1 after slugging the fucking 24 yeah i mean i mean i'm not gonna spoil it we had Doug Marone in here earlier, and they brought a bunch of beers, and it's like,

Speaker 1 toss me a bunch of the takeies but wearing tuxedos. Toss me a beer.
I'll have a beer too. I'll have a beer to take you with.

Speaker 1 It comes but once a year. Oh, Jesus.
And it's our great sponsor, Bud Light. That's right.
Beautiful. All right.

Speaker 1 Where are we? Oh, I got the Bud Diesel. Let's go.
All right. So we're in the middle of the Boston Sports Heartbreak of the year.
That was a great history. His second nominee.
History. Second nominee.

Speaker 1 Hank, are you drinking? I was like, what are you drinking? His Doug Marone's guy. He handed me one.
I was like, I don't want, you know,

Speaker 1 it's rude to be like, no. It is.
It is. Thank you, Hank, for doing that.
The second nominee is the split second when the Patriots and Patriots fans didn't realize that De Ford was off sides.

Speaker 1 That was a long split second.

Speaker 1 That was a very long split second where it looked like they might have lost an AFC championship game, but fear not, they ended up winning that game because De Ford was, in fact, like a half-yard offsides.

Speaker 1 The third nominee for Boston Sports Fans Heartbreak of the Year is the one World Series game that the Red Sox lost.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And having to stay awake for the 18-inning game.
Was that they lost? No. No.
Okay, so it's really two things.

Speaker 1 That would have been a tragedy. You guys ended up winning, but still, that moment where you lost one game, that must have been very tough for you.
What game was it even?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Didn't matter.
So the winner of the Boston Sports Heartbreak of the Year goes to

Speaker 1 the split second when they didn't know DeForb was offside. Because that was like, they lost.
They weren't going to win a Super Bowl that year.

Speaker 1 No, they did lose the 18-inning game. Oh, they did.
Yeah. Did you have,

Speaker 1 Hank, did you, were you on live stream when Dee Ford was offside? You sunk, right? No, I was hiding in the other room.

Speaker 1 I wasn't watching.

Speaker 1 Jesus.

Speaker 1 All right. Next up, we have Worst Take of the Year.
This one is a loaded, loaded class here.

Speaker 1 First up, Dave Gettelman, the quote machine. With his take.
We didn't sign Odell to trade him on January 2nd. And then March 12th, Odell Beckham traded to the Browns.

Speaker 1 So signed him and then traded him.

Speaker 1 Porn star Kia Maria, who you will remember not from her videos, but from her dinner with Jimmy Garoppolo. Just a date.
Just a date. That time of night when you put your scrunchie on,

Speaker 1 that Instagram, she said after the date, everything I touched turns to gold. Get ready for the 49ers to kick ass and win, mark my words.
Everything that I touch turns to gold.

Speaker 1 So basically, her house is filled with like a bunch of dudes that look like C-3PO. Golden from the waist down.
Yeah, exactly. Piers Morgan.

Speaker 1 Piers? Piers? Piers? Pears. Pears Morgan for his England soccer tweet when he said, Ms.
Rapino sure does love herself. Can't wait to see our lionesses dent that stupendous ego.

Speaker 1 What happened? Mmm looks like we won another World Cup. Dosa Cerro.
By the way, he's still going. It's like two to one though.
Because like yesterday he said,

Speaker 1 someone said,

Speaker 1 did the U.S. women's team win the World Cup? I hadn't noticed.
That was obviously being sarcastic because they were very bitter.

Speaker 1 And he wrote, don't worry, they'll soon tell you again and again and again.

Speaker 1 Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 Hey, Piers, Piers. Hey, Piers, go pick the ball up out of the ocean, you limey fuck.
Yeah. Piers Morgan is like an uncircumcised version of Tucker Carlson.

Speaker 1 All right. So, and then, oh, finally, Bill Simmons for his take about the Celtics.
They're going to win 67 games, and they're going to be up by 30 points in a lot of them.

Speaker 1 Celtics won 49 games and bounced in in the second round. Tacking that little extra part at the end, they're going to be up 30 points in a lot of them.
And a lot of them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's just spike in the football when you haven't even scored yet. Yes.
So we have the winner. I'm actually going to change the winner.
Ooh. Because reading these, I think we did it wrong.

Speaker 1 We had the winner as David Gettelman. I think the winner should be Piers Morgan.
All right. Because he's such a fucking insufferable idiot, and he's still going.

Speaker 1 The fact that he's still going and still whining about it, we should give him this takey. Here's how you know Piers Morgan sucks is that everyone on all sides of every aisle hate him?

Speaker 1 Yes, absolutely hate him. Yes, doesn't matter if you're left, right, center.
It's like the whole world loving the dab. Yeah, everyone can just agree on it.
It's exactly like that.

Speaker 1 Okay, long live the dab. Okay, next up.

Speaker 1 The next category is the song of the summer of the year.

Speaker 1 This is a very prestigious award. Last year, I believe it went to Drink Paint.
Yep. We gave it to ourselves, not being self-congratulatory at all.
No.

Speaker 1 The nominees are

Speaker 1 Chonk. Parentheses, it's Chonk.
Okay, good song. That's by part of my take.
Good song. Featuring Sonny Digital and Tyler I.M.
and Roan.

Speaker 1 The next nominee is... Shout out, Roan.

Speaker 1 It's Louisiana. Who cares? Who cares? It's Louisiana.
Nice. I reversed those.
Yep. That's also by us.

Speaker 1 The next one is...

Speaker 1 You know what? It was going to be... Love watching NFL football.
I'm striking that out because I think it's been nominated before. Yeah.
It didn't win. So I don't know if it can win again.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I don't know if it can not win again.

Speaker 1 It's the who keeps getting Brad Pitt. He's never won.
No.

Speaker 1 Meryl Streep gets nominated every time. No, no, Meryl Streep does.

Speaker 1 Buffalo Bills.

Speaker 1 George Clooney. He's never won one.

Speaker 1 Okay. Martin Scorsese.
Yeah. Until the departed with the rat at the end.
That was the rat.

Speaker 1 The next nominee is Song of the Summer. So that's a song that's yet to be released by Punk Punk.
No one's ever heard it. It's coming out either early next week or late next week.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And the last nominee is Old Town Road by Lil Nasaks. Ooh, good song.
Good song. Not by us.
Not by us. And the winner of Song of the Summer of the Year goes to

Speaker 1 Chonk. It's Chonk.
Oh,

Speaker 1 congrats. Hey, cheers, boys.
Cheers, boys. Cheers.
Cheers.

Speaker 1 We're drinking. Cheers.
The best thing about having your own award show is you can just give yourself a shitload of awards. Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.

Speaker 1 Shout out to Sonny Digital. Shout out to Sonny Digital.

Speaker 1 We We have a one-year, one song-per-year contract with them. Yep.
Also, can I just say on. He's got new music out, too.
It's fire. Go listen.

Speaker 1 On July 27th, Pup Punk is playing a show at Mulkays inside Long Island. Onside Long Island.

Speaker 1 Wait, onside? Yeah. Onside Long Island.
Mulkays. Pup Punk.
July 27th, there are tickets still available. Go buy them.
We're going to have a fire set list.

Speaker 1 And you'll hear a song of the summer. You will.

Speaker 1 Okay, next up we have, speaking of chonk, chonk athlete of the year. We all love chonk athletes.

Speaker 1 This one was a star-studded year for chonk athletes, Zion Williamson, who, by the way, did you guys see that picture of him sitting on the sideline the other day in just a regular shirt?

Speaker 1 I feel like every rookie, they go through their rookie year looking like how they did in college, and then it's the summer after your rookie year. That's the make or break year.
Do you think so?

Speaker 1 He gives him a full 365. He's already a money.
Skinny guys. No, but skinny guys that come in

Speaker 1 and they put on the weight the year after. It's true.
They get the nutritionist. Yes.
You know what they say? They always say that money just makes you more of who you used to be.

Speaker 1 It just like amplifies your personality traits that you had before.

Speaker 1 Zion was already a little chunky. He got his money.
Now he's big chunky. And he's in Vegas.
And I've said he's one bad weekend in Vegas away from real chonk.

Speaker 1 Andy Ruiz,

Speaker 1 who...

Speaker 1 who was an electric factory boxing heavyweight champion of the world, very chunky. Third nipple, too.
Third nipple. Vlad Jr.,

Speaker 1 who won the 2019 home run derby. Yep.
And Kelvin Benjamin Jr. gets a lifetime achievement nominee.
And the winner

Speaker 1 is

Speaker 1 Zion Williamson, the chonkiest boy there is. Kelvin Benjamin was one Popeye's biscuit away from winning this award.
Yes, he was. I love how chonk Zion is.
Yeah. And I've said it before.

Speaker 1 Zion is like the rare dude from Duke that everyone is going to root for.

Speaker 1 I think he would actually get worse if he lost weight. Yeah.
There's something about his body. He's got power.
He's got power that he can just jump into you. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 You know, it doesn't look as much like an offensive foul if a fat guy runs into you as opposed to like a big, jacked-up diesel dude runs into you. That's true.
All right. What do we got next?

Speaker 1 The next award is for the AAF Week of the Year. So do we remember what AAF stands for? Alliance as fuck.
Alliance of American Football. Alliance of American Football, right? Yes.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Great league. We all enjoyed it.
Sad to see it go, but love to watch it leave.

Speaker 1 The nominees are

Speaker 1 week one.

Speaker 1 Remember that when that guy from Arizona State got his head taken off, he got jacked up. That was awesome.
That was Mike Berber says, Sesse. Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 You remember when they did the thing where they placed the ball at like the 25-yard line or whatever in week one? And wow, that's different.

Speaker 1 You remember when they had the person up in the booth, the ref, and they let us watch them. They let us watch their like neck rolls, make a decision.

Speaker 1 You remember when we could gamble on football in February and we realized that in week one?

Speaker 1 And we lost because we bet the over, and it was really stupid to bet the over on a game when no one knows how to play and everyone quarterback sucks.

Speaker 1 And I'm pretty sure Trent Richardson had one touchdown and 2.6 yards per carry. Yep.
Okay, so that's the first nominee. The second nominee

Speaker 1 looks like that was a boat outside.

Speaker 1 They're just fucking with us now. Plate's pulling up.
Bordles is coming up

Speaker 1 for the plate of the year.

Speaker 1 The second nominee for AAF week of the year goes to week eight, the last week. Oh.
For the AAF. I don't know what happened that week.

Speaker 1 Trent Richardson had one touchdown and averaged 2.6 yards per carry.

Speaker 1 All right, who won? The winner of AAF week of the year goes to week one.

Speaker 1 Very, very excited to have football back after a long, like, one-week hiatus. Yes.

Speaker 1 Anecdotally speaking, I would say we remembered week one a lot more than week eight just from all the stories we had there. Yes, we will always have that one week.
Yes.

Speaker 1 All right, next up, we have Ratio of the Year.

Speaker 1 And this one is going to be fun. So

Speaker 1 we tried to keep it not in politics because you could get a ratio. Ratios are just a dime a dozen when it comes to the political Twitter.
So we try to stay in the sports world.

Speaker 1 We have some very good nominees.

Speaker 1 Dan McLaughlin, who tweeted after Tyler Skaggs' really tragic and unfortunate death, he wrote, Tyler Skaggs was pitching pretty well this year, which is a small thing compared to dying at 27, but a shame for him he didn't get to finish a good season.

Speaker 1 season. 3,834 replies, 107 retweets.
Now, let's be clear that you might know this Dan McLaughlin character more.

Speaker 1 He's more in the public conscious as the baseball crank. Baseball crank.
The baseball crank, and he's got an all-time avatar, too. Just a grumpy baseball face.
Now we have the boat coming.

Speaker 1 The boat's getting pulled over. I guarantee you the baseball crank had him on his fantasy team.
That's why he tweeted that. Yes, he absolutely did.
All right, so that one's up there.

Speaker 1 We had the famous bleacher report, one nation, one team picture that they tweeted out after the women's won the World Cup. It had 1,500 replies, one retweet.
Wow.

Speaker 1 I don't know when that was in the course of it, but holy shit, that's unbelievable. I'm surprised that there weren't more retweets on it just because that was just a great tweet.

Speaker 1 Yes, it was a great tweet. We have Danny Connell.
Our friend, recurring guest, provocateur. He wrote, when did marijuana become good for you?

Speaker 1 Crazy how fast certain narratives move in our society with little or no scientific proof. Is it better than opioids? Probably.
That's a bold statement.

Speaker 1 But let's slow down treating weed like a wonder drug with no downside risks. He had 3.5,000 replies and 500 retweets.
He got some nice retweets. Yeah, some good retweets on that.

Speaker 1 And then the last one we have is Peter Gammons, who in October tweeted in the eighth inning of what may be a do-or-die game with the tension of a game seven, Neanderthal Fenway Park fans chanting Yankees, and he did dot dot dot, so he didn't actually say suck.

Speaker 1 Okay, good. Thank you, Peter.

Speaker 1 Family website. What is it? Ass

Speaker 1 took us. No, no.
What does Stephen A. Smith allow on his timeline? Ass damn

Speaker 1 hell or allowed on his mild profanity. No other profanity.

Speaker 1 So chanting Yankees suck are eerily like those who chant lock her up at a poll, a political rally designed to demean female assault victims' trauma.

Speaker 1 That, whoa, that tweet takes a hard turnout. Whoa, I didn't see that one coming up.
3,405 replies, 179 retweets.

Speaker 1 So, some heavy competition here. The winner is

Speaker 1 Baseball Crank for using Tyler Skagg's unfortunate death to bitch about his fantasy team. It's pretty good.

Speaker 1 By the way, shout out to Baseball Crank because he did, in that thread, have a very, very good clapback. Dante Stalworth replied to him, dude, delete this shit.
What the fuck?

Speaker 1 And he replied, you may not be the best authority to lecture anyone on untimely death.

Speaker 1 Okay, moving right over. Good job, baseball crank.
You got one win back. Number 10.
Number 10. 10th award of the night.
This is the Mike Tomlin quote of the year. Mike Tomlin, he is a quote machine.

Speaker 1 I hope Mike Tomlin wins. How's that beer? It's pretty good.
Yeah, the budget

Speaker 1 heavy over there. Yep.

Speaker 1 So the nominees are Mike Tomlin for inventing the standard is the standard.

Speaker 1 The second nominee is Sean McVay

Speaker 1 for saying the standard is the standard. Oh, a wild card.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 the third nominee for Mike Tomlin Quote of the Year is Chargers head coach Anthony Lynn for saying the standard is the standard on the sidelines. Okay.

Speaker 1 And then the last nominee is Mike Tomlin again for saying we need volunteers, not hostages. Ooh, good one.
And the winner of the inaugural Mike Tomlin Quote of the Year Award goes to

Speaker 1 Mike Tomlin. Yes.

Speaker 1 For saying the standard is the standard. For inventing that.

Speaker 1 All-time football guy quote right there. Not sure what it means.
It sounds cool. It makes me want to play football.

Speaker 1 Standard is a standard. The standard is a standard.
Hey, I'll drink to that. Yep.
The standard is the standard. Right?

Speaker 1 Hank?

Speaker 1 Tip it. Tip it.
Salute.

Speaker 1 Okay. We're going to take a quick break for sponsor.
When we come back, we have

Speaker 1 our celebrity

Speaker 1 guests who are going to announce some of the winners. Some of them, probably the biggest star-studded guest show we've ever had.
Would I say, is that fair, boys? Is that fair? Yes.

Speaker 1 Okay, no one's listening. It's fair.
Is that fair? Okay, PFT, you got a couple ads before we do that?

Speaker 1 Okay, and we have an emergency takeie that we're issuing right now. This is off script.
It was not part of the plan.

Speaker 1 As a matter of fact, you might notice that things look a little bit different if you're watching this podcast. It's because Big Cat went home.

Speaker 1 This Takey Award is for most inconveniently timed Woj Bomb of the Year, and it goes to

Speaker 1 Woge for right now for just breaking right after we're done taping the Takey Awards.

Speaker 1 Broke the news that Russell Westbrook has been traded to the Houston Rockets for Chris Paul and a handful of draft picks.

Speaker 1 So we're getting a reunion of sorts of Russell Westbrook and James Harden, but there's still just one ball in Houston, unless Darren Moore figures out some weird saber-metric way to divvy up the ball.

Speaker 1 So, for further analysis on this trade, we actually have a very special guest. It's Big Cat, who left and went home because we were done with the takies, and he called in.
Big Cat, are you with us?

Speaker 1 What do you make of this trade? This fucking league. This fucking league.
You think you can sleep when there's a Woj bomb?

Speaker 1 You know, it's what, a week after that all the free agents have happened.

Speaker 1 We finish the takies, we finish a long episode that everyone's going to love, and and then Woj decides, hey, now is the convenient time for me to drop this news.

Speaker 1 This motherfucker, Woj, I'm getting sick of him, but here's what I got to say to TFT. There's only one ball, and I'm excited for Russell Westbrook and James Harden to fight over that ball.

Speaker 1 And I actually think Chris Paul has to retire now, right? Like,

Speaker 1 you can't do the,

Speaker 1 hey, me and James Harden actually have a great relationship. What are you guys all talking about? All these reports are false.
Have Daryl Maury say, hey, actually, these guys are fine.

Speaker 1 We're going to roll the ball back out there and try again next year.

Speaker 1 And then get traded to the Oklahoma City Thunder for basically a guy who will hold the ball even more in Russell Westbrook this motherfucking league.

Speaker 1 This motherfucking league, Kevin Durant, has just ruined the Oklahoma City Thunder again. So credit to him for breaking the team twice.

Speaker 1 Russell Westbrook, probably the biggest hype beast in the NBA, going to Houston, home with NASA. Even he realizes that NASA is the new hot trend.
So shout out to him this fucking league.

Speaker 1 The last thing I have to say is this is a classic case of something that we've always learned.

Speaker 1 If you've watched sports long enough, I think this is something that if you're like a younger sports fan, you don't realize it for a while because you're naive and you just don't understand how maybe the whole world works.

Speaker 1 But anytime, and this counts for coaching, front office, whatever it may be, anytime someone says, our relationship is fine and these media reports are false, they are lying.

Speaker 1 They are always lying, and it always ends up being a trade.

Speaker 1 The fact that people tried, like the Houston Rockets tried to convince everyone that James Harden and Chris Paul didn't hate each other's guts is absolutely laughable.

Speaker 1 We all knew it was laughable at the time, but it's one of those all-time lessons that you learn every now and then how much these front offices and like the owner and everyone will lie to the public to try to put it back together and then trade Chris Paul to Oklahoma City.

Speaker 1 So, how quickly before Russell Westbrook kills James Harden?

Speaker 1 I think

Speaker 1 murder's in play here.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this might be one of those things, though.

Speaker 1 Like, they basically went to college together because they were both young together on Oklahoma City, so they could be like, hey, remember those days when we could drink a ton and we went out all the time?

Speaker 1 That could be, it could be nice for a little bit. I think it's the more interesting thing is Chris Paul, who basically, like, this is, I don't know what he's going to do.

Speaker 1 I have no idea what Chris Paul is going to do other than, Hank, if you're listening, shout out our waitress Raven in Oklahoma City at the Chili's, who offered us mushrooms the one time we've been to Oklahoma City.

Speaker 1 Maybe just go to Chili's all the time and see if she'll just give you mushrooms. You put out the drug guy vibe.
I understand why she tried to offer that to you. We didn't take them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we didn't take them.

Speaker 1 But yeah, we should go back to the takies, but this is crazy. Okay.
Well, back to the regularly scheduled show. Fuck you, Woach.
Fuck you, Woach.

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I promise you that.

Speaker 7 Gas station pouches get the job done, but once you've tried Lucy, you won't want anything else in your pocket.

Speaker 1 Okay, we are back for the second half of the Takeies, and we have a very special surprise for you. We've been alluding to it.

Speaker 1 We have some of the biggest A-list celebrities, our friends, who we contacted, possibly paid on a random website, whatever it may be, to call in and give us the winners of these awards.

Speaker 1 So should we do it? Should we get back to it? Yep. All right, PFT, you're up.
All right. The first award with a guest presenter, this is the award for retirement of the year.

Speaker 1 Okay. Very, very important category.
The nominees are Urban Meyer for retiring for good, forever. Definitely.
Walking away from the sports. No chance.
Retirement, period. Yep.

Speaker 1 Second nominee, Vantae Davis from the Buffalo Bills, retired at halftime, drove away from the stadium, went home during an NFL game this year. All-time power move.

Speaker 1 Third nominee, Magic Johnson, for walking away so he could tweet. Yep.
Addicted to that posting life. And not telling anyone.
Not telling anybody. Just telling Jeannie Buss.

Speaker 1 Just showing up and saying, hey, man, I got to get these tweets off. You understand.
I'm Magic. The final nominee is me for quitting jeweling.
I retired from that jewel life. Not vaping, jeweling.

Speaker 1 Not vaping, jeweling.

Speaker 1 I wrote down vaping, and you're like, no, no, no, no, just jeweling. Now, I'm leaving myself a window like Urban Meyer.
I have a clause in my contract.

Speaker 1 If I were to vape again, it would not be with a jewel. So blue vape in this case would be USC.
Or Notre Dame. Yes.

Speaker 1 Or Notre Dame would be the white smoke. But yes,

Speaker 1 I have quit jeweling officially. So let's go to our very special presenter.
And wait, by the way, before we do this, we should have said this.

Speaker 1 So how it worked was we each got four awards to get a special presenter. So this is your award.
Yep.

Speaker 1 Hank and I don't know who the special presenter is, so we're gonna react to every single one after it's a surprise, and we'll say that beforehand. So, this is a total surprise to me.

Speaker 1 It's my guy, Hank. Want to play it? Hi, this is Devin Cajust,

Speaker 1 here to announce the take-he for retirement of the year.

Speaker 1 And the winner is drum roll.

Speaker 1 Right out of a drum roll anywhere, drum roll.

Speaker 1 Hey, babe, do you mind giving me a drum roll really quick?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Vanta Davis for retiring at halftime of a Buffalo Bills game and driving home from the stadium. Follow your heart, Vante.

Speaker 1 Follow your heart.

Speaker 1 Hey, Jake, by the way, you're pretty dapper, man. All jokes aside.
Super dapper. Hope you're having a dapper day with dapper vibes.
No, I didn't get punched in the eye. That's just a shadow.
I know.

Speaker 1 I just want to let you know. It's all good.
And all jokes aside. I don't know who Vanta Davis is.
Don't bother. You just...
I feel like I should Google this situation. So

Speaker 1 on that note, have a Dapper Day, much love, and why not be great? Go for it.

Speaker 1 What, what the fuck? Well, first of all, I got very confused when he said, hey, Jake, and I was like, is there someone sitting in his

Speaker 1 kitchen right now?

Speaker 1 No, but it's actually PMT Sports Biz. Jake was the one who sent out all these requests that we didn't pay for.
Maybe paid for. Devin Cajust,

Speaker 1 he's going to buy a bunch of crystals with that. Well, you know what's crazy is that he says that he doesn't know who Vanta Davis is.
I looked it up. The Browns actually played,

Speaker 1 the Browns played the Bills in preseason this year. Devontae Davis is a cornerback, so Devin Cajust definitely went up against Vanta Davis.
Yikes, that might have helped. You make the team.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 Thank you to Devin Cajust, our good friend, who called in on his own accord. Next up, we have Apology of the Year.
Two nominees here. Star-studded nominees, though.

Speaker 1 The first is LeBron James, who put out an Instagram with the rap quote, We've been getting that Jewish money. Everything is kosher.

Speaker 1 And then, when trying to apologize, said, So I actually thought it was a compliment, and obviously it wasn't through the lens of a lot of people.

Speaker 1 My apologies, it definitely was not the intent, obviously, to hurt anybody. So he actually thought that was really nice.
Yeah. Yeah.
So that's a good apology. As a

Speaker 1 Jewish person yourself. Yes.
Do you take that as a compliment?

Speaker 1 From anyone else? Sure. From LeBron, fuck no.
Fuck no.

Speaker 1 The other nominee is Urban Meyer, who had the best apology of all time when he apologized to Buckeye Nation, but not Courtney Smith, the person who actually had to go through terrible, terrible things.

Speaker 1 And then when everyone said, hey, dude, you apologized to Buckeye Nation, but not Courtney Smith, he fixed his words and he said, I'm sorry we're in this situation.

Speaker 1 So that's really nice, too. So he apologized for his apology without really apologizing for anything.
Yes. That's tough to do.
I'm sorry we're here.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry that I have to quit my job and then have to take a year off and be an analyst and then go to USC or Notre Dame.

Speaker 1 Okay, so let's go to the winner and our guest presenter. Hi.
I'm Smush Parker. Here to announce the Takey for Apology of the Year.
and the winner is Urban Meyer way to go coach

Speaker 1 while I have you here I just want to let you guys know that I everybody knows about my beef with Kobe

Speaker 1 and I posted not too long ago my Instagram page Smush Parker elite

Speaker 1 it's my Instagram page not too long ago I posted an apology and a

Speaker 1 letter of prayer that I said for Kobe. So

Speaker 1 if you guys want to check it out, you guys can check it out there. Smush Parker Elite Instagram page.

Speaker 1 He sounds like Hank plugging his Instagram. Yeah, so this was my, this was mine.

Speaker 1 I contacted Smush Parker and I wrote that he needs to say, and while we're doing apologies, I want to finally apologize to Kobe Bryant. He then just decided I'll just plug my Instagram for 30 seconds.

Speaker 1 Respect. Yes.
Smart move.

Speaker 1 That's what you got to do in those situations. Yeah.
Respect, Smush River. All right, Urban Meyer.
Nice taking. Has Urban won two? No.
He was nominated.

Speaker 1 He was nominated. Yes, yes.
But he just took one home. So way to go, Urban Meyer.
Congrats, coach. All right, PFT, what do you got? Okay, my next one.
This is for Calapari of the Year. Woo, Calipari.

Speaker 1 Caliperi of the Year. Coach Cal of the Year.
Oh, no, no. Coach

Speaker 1 Coach Jim C. Yeah, yeah, no, no, just a Cal.
Cal of the Year. Cal of the Year.
The nominees are John. Oh, who's he? John Calapari.
Oh, the coach. John Calapari.
Yes. Yes.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, the one that we were saying on Kentucky Sports Radio was J. Cal.
J. Cal.
Of the Year. Yes.
For either Jim Calhoun or John Calaparry. So John is nominated for Caliperry of the Year.

Speaker 1 He had a pretty good year. He had the moment where he had all of his number one picks, their jerseys, in frames behind him, just randomly while he was getting interviewed on ESPN for the seating.

Speaker 1 And you know what? There's nobody that really makes a Hawaiian shirt pop like Coach Cal Perry. That's true.
Because it looks so much different from his normal, like, Jay Wright-style pinstripe suit.

Speaker 1 Yep. The flowers really pop on John.
The next nominee for Cal Perry of the Year is Megan.

Speaker 1 Megan Calapari for being ride or die on Twitter, defending her brother, her dad, her mom. Awesome.
You name it.

Speaker 1 Just if any Italian in America is attacked on social media, the Calapari sisters, they will go in on you and you will regret your words. But Megan, especially, she takes no prisoners.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the Cal Hive. And the final nominee for Calapari of the Year goes to Brad Caliperi.

Speaker 1 He was demonstrating swag all year long. He was rocking turtlenecks on the sidelines.
He was wearing the chains. Just looking really, really dapper.
You want to talk about a dapper dude?

Speaker 1 We're talking about Brad Swag. Yep, Brad Swag.
And here to introduce the Calipari of the Year is somebody that I don't know. Okay.
So, who did we contact for this? Let's find out. Let's find out.

Speaker 1 Was this you? Yeah, that was me. Hi.

Speaker 1 This is Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.

Speaker 1 Here to announce the take for Calipari of the year.

Speaker 1 And the winner is

Speaker 1 Dr. Aaron Ceciliano Calapari.

Speaker 1 Wow. Go dogs.
Go dogs. Go dogs.
Oh, interesting. Whoa, Jake.

Speaker 1 There's another shout out, Jake. Okay, so a Calapari that wasn't even nominated one.
That's how fierce they are. Holy shit.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 What an upset. I mean, they're going to be listening to that.
Like, she's probably listening to it like, what the fuck? Why wasn't I nominated on Calapari? Well, she just won. Yeah.

Speaker 1 My vote would have been for Megan. I just want that on the record because she will attack you.
I put her. I I think they should all win.
Yes. Okay.

Speaker 1 So all the Calaparis win so that we stay on the right side of the Calapari family. John, why don't you come on the podcast?

Speaker 1 So we'll see if they're going to have that award taken away in a couple years because of violation. I was okay, John.
Maybe you won't come on the podcast. All right.

Speaker 1 Next up, we have Cat Owner of the Year.

Speaker 1 This is a spicy one, folks.

Speaker 1 Nominated first nominee, Marlin's Man, for owning way too many cats. I think he has like

Speaker 1 nine giant cats. What are they?

Speaker 1 Giant cats. What are the names of them? Giant Persians.
No, that's not the name of the giant Persian cat. No, I'm pretty sure he's got.
They are enormous, enormous cats and very disgusting to look at.

Speaker 1 And he held them up.

Speaker 1 Malamar, Oreo 4, Fluffy, Truffles, Tribbles. No, what's the actual cat? Father cat type of cat.
Sun cat, Monster Vader. Did you make those names up, PFD? No, these are their.
You're reading the blog.

Speaker 1 I power ranked his cats. these are the real names number one was uh number one was Malamar Malamar is I don't know Monster Vader dude but if you look at the cats oreo 4 is what type of cats

Speaker 1 so these are let's see unbelievable well he's he's cat owner of the year nominee uh

Speaker 1 next up i think they're i don't know what type of cats they are all right next up we have hank who almost became a cat owner almost twice and then killed both of them so you're nominated for cat owner of the year and then our final uh nominee for cat owner of the year is shane dawson you probably remember shane dawson because he went viral on twitter and he went viral for his cat tweet that said i didn't fuck my cat i didn't come on my cat I didn't put my dick anywhere anywhere near my cat.

Speaker 1 I've never done anything weird with my cats. I promised myself that I wasn't going to make apology videos last year's thing, so I'm just trying to be as short and honest with this as possible.

Speaker 1 Well, what was last year's thing? Last year's thing? That was probably having something to do with coming on his cat. Yeah, so he, but he didn't.
He didn't come on his cat or fuck his cat.

Speaker 1 He didn't put his dick anywhere near his cat. So the winner, let's go to our celebrity guest presenter.
Jake.

Speaker 1 Hi, Sandy Dick here to announce the, I guess it's called the Takey. I'm with Leah Cactman.
It's just Leah. It's just Lee.
Like Vivian. You're right.

Speaker 1 Lee.

Speaker 1 Great

Speaker 1 psycho. Lee Majors.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Who is this? Andy Dick.

Speaker 1 I was an actress and she had my best. Vivian Lee.
What is he doing? She got stabbed in the shower in Psycho. I don't think she was in Psycho.
Who's Vivian Lee? Which one is she?

Speaker 1 Gone with the Wind. Yes.
You're very good at colouring. Over there in the corner for 50 points.
For 50 points. So I'm here to announce the winner for the cat owner.
Meow!

Speaker 1 I heard you. Meow.
Pussy.

Speaker 1 Meow.

Speaker 1 Do you have a cat? I think this is Andy's job. You can have the winner right here.
It's just sitting there on a cakey slope.

Speaker 1 Why? What is he on silence? I wanted to keep it a secret. Until this moment.
Oh my gosh, I'm so excited.

Speaker 1 Right? Do you want me to hold the cut camera on you?

Speaker 1 Yes, you have to hold it like this. Okay.
So you you can't see. As soon as he gives us the winner, we'll cut it off, but we got to keep going.

Speaker 1 I need to know. Yeah.
I'm just going to look. It's an important category.

Speaker 1 Old as the hell is.

Speaker 1 I should have worn my tie.

Speaker 1 I like how you got it.

Speaker 1 Well, this is an awards show. Oh.
For the tanky. Oh, you should have worn a tie.
For the catty ownery of the year.

Speaker 1 From Jakey.

Speaker 1 A lot of wives in that. Tossing some whys, yeah.

Speaker 1 And the winner is. Holy shit.
Come on, Andy. Play it off, music.

Speaker 1 We got a drum rolling.

Speaker 1 We do need to play. He's the

Speaker 1 person to

Speaker 1 get played off

Speaker 1 before presenting. Cat owner of the year gets to takey home a takey.
Okay. Shane Dawson.
Oh,

Speaker 1 there we go. We'll cut it there.
All right. Well, thank you.

Speaker 1 Thank you, Andy Dick, for presenting that. Yeah, I guess that was a presentation.
Good job, Andy. Holy shit.
And I mean, Shane was the only one that confirmed didn't fuck their cat. Yes.

Speaker 1 The other ones have not released statements, so we don't know if Hank's fucked a cat or not yet. Or cumbed on his cat or put his dick anywhere near his cat.
All right, let's move it along.

Speaker 1 We got the next one. PFT, that's you.
This is a very prestigious award. We did it last year.
This is for Lib Cuck of the Year. So you'll recall Chris Long won it last year.

Speaker 1 This year, the nominees are Danny Connell for Lib of the Year

Speaker 1 for irresponsibly acknowledging that marijuana might not be as dangerous as opiates. Yes.

Speaker 1 Danny, you can't say that with any certainty. You're just trying to play it up for the hipster, cool, liberal crowd.

Speaker 1 Not on my watch, Danny. The next nominee is Chris Long, just for being just libery in general.
Yes, he's just libs all the time. And then the final nominee for Lib of the Year is Blake Bortles.
Whoa.

Speaker 1 For driving a Tesla. Okay.
For the electric car. Pre-Blake of the Year.
He's nominated. Single-handedly saving the world.
Okay. So let's go to our presenter here.
Let's see who it is.

Speaker 1 Hey, this is Ken Bone. I'm not wearing a red sweater because it's the middle of July and it's hot, but it is Ken Bone, anyway.
And I'm here to announce the take-y for Lib of the Year.

Speaker 1 And the winner is Chris Long. Congrats on back-to-back victories and for donating your salary just so you wouldn't be tempted to spend it on hot leaf.

Speaker 1 Ken Bone has no idea what that is.

Speaker 1 Oh shit. Did you get that one? That was me.
Yeah. Yeah, that was great.
Shout out to Kenbone. That was great.
All right. So congratulations, Chris Long.
He's actually won it three years in a row.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's three years in a row.
He's won Lib Cuck. Very, very impressive.
Unbelievable.

Speaker 1 And anytime somebody in any store comes across the Libman Mops, it's a brand of Mops, I always get tweets with Chris Long tagged like, found Chris Long.

Speaker 1 Yeah, found Chris Long hanging out in the store. All right, next up, we have Canadian of the Year.
This one is quick. We have Kawhi Leonard, who

Speaker 1 was, he won the NBA title, and he's Canadian now because he lived in Canada for a year the offensive lineman who chugged a beer in the stands during a CFL game we think that was this year but we don't remember

Speaker 1 and Mark Tressman who is noted Canadian football coach who now has a job in the XFL so let's go to our

Speaker 1 is this a celebrity yeah our celebrity

Speaker 8 let's see who won hi this is melody dahoo here to announce the takey for canadian Accent of the Year. And the winner is Kawhi Leonor.

Speaker 1 Thank you so much.

Speaker 8 Have a good day, bye.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 you got to walk us through that one, Hank. Well, we set a budget for we only had $250 each

Speaker 1 to make these

Speaker 1 happen, if you will. Yes.

Speaker 1 And so I was basically at my, I was up. I only had like $10 left, and I just typed in Canadian, and I found a Canadian woman's hockey player.
But was she doing a Canadian accent?

Speaker 1 Well, we wrote, Jake wrote in the thing, please do a heavy Canadian accent. So that's why she wrote Canadian Accent of the Year.
She misread.

Speaker 1 But that wasn't even a Canadian accent. That was like someone who doesn't know how to speak.
Well, no, she just has an accent. Yeah, but that wasn't an accent.
Do you think that was an accent?

Speaker 1 Problematic cat. She's from Canada.
Okay, well, she should have just talked. She did.
She did. That's her normal voice.
That's not her normal voice. Yeah, it is.
A fake voice.

Speaker 1 Dude, you're digging yourself in. That's fake voice.
Deeper in this hole. Admit that's a fake voice.

Speaker 1 All right. next up, we have UPFT.
Yes, this is a classic award. We gave it out last year, and we have a defending champion ready to try to reclaim the crown.

Speaker 1 This award goes to 19-year-old of the year.

Speaker 1 The nominees are Mbappe.

Speaker 1 He's 19. Yep.
The next nominee is Jason Tatum.

Speaker 1 He's 19. Okay, 19.

Speaker 1 He's a young 19, too, which is an important distinction. He won't be 20 for at least three more years.
And the third nominee is Christian Plusikic.

Speaker 1 Yes. Plus,

Speaker 1 also 19. From the U.S.
not women's soccer team, also 19 years old. Team to lose every big game.
And so let's go to our guest.

Speaker 1 Whoever could this be to present an award for someone who remains 19 years old for so much longer than everybody else. Hey, this is Perry Ellis here to announce the takey for 19-year-old of the year.

Speaker 1 And the winner is Mbappe for his work in the field of remaining 19-year-olds. We're We're so proud of you and keep up the good work.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Who did that one? That was me. Okay, so that was

Speaker 1 Perry Ellis on the show. Recurring guests.
All these people are recurring guests now. Also, shout out to Hank because Hank wanted to do this award too and also had the same idea to get Perry Ellis.

Speaker 1 Okay, so you guys

Speaker 1 split that. Co-split that.
Split that.

Speaker 1 All right, next up we have Trend of the Year. Big year for trends.
The nominees are planking, dabbing, eating eating ass, eating tie pods, and jerk-off clubs. Let's go to our celebrity.
Hi, everyone.

Speaker 4 This is Bruno Mars the Chihuahua.

Speaker 1 Here to announce a takeie for trend of the year.

Speaker 4 And the winner is the Rain City Jacks out of Seattle.

Speaker 2 And just to clarify, this is Bruno Mars the Chihuahua.

Speaker 1 Okay, so that was me.

Speaker 1 I initially tried to contact Jamal Anderson, thought that would be appropriate for an award given to a place where you can go and jerk off with some bros and just hang out. Of course.

Speaker 1 But we ended up, I ended up running out of money, so to speak, to this thing we did.

Speaker 1 And so I found Bruno Mars the Chihuahua, and I thought it would be funny to have Bruno Mars the Chihuahua talk about the Rain City Jackson.

Speaker 1 There were a couple animals that I considered contacting to deliver awards, but I wasn't sure how that was going to work. If it was just going to be like a picture or a video of the dog.

Speaker 1 I wanted to bark out of Bruno Mars the Chihuahua. Would have been nice.
Yeah, I was going to do a cow, but

Speaker 1 I didn't. Were there?

Speaker 1 Yeah, but I was the same thing. I didn't know if it was like, I mean, that was kind of bullshit.
Yeah. Well, I mean, Bruno Mars of Chihuahua.
That's pretty famous. At least, like, give a bark, dude.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, I agree. I agree.

Speaker 1 Are you allowed to name animals after celebrities, then make money off that name? I think so. I think that's what Bruno Mars and Chihuahua just did.
What a great thing. And like every porn star ever.

Speaker 1 That's also true. They're named after animals.
Well, they're named after celebrities. Yeah.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 PFT. So the next award goes to the category of invention of the year.

Speaker 1 So what is the best invention of 2018 slash 19? Well, the nominees are Mike Francesa for inventing fantasy baseball yet again. Yes.
So let's put that in there real quick.

Speaker 9 I can create a game in 15 minutes for you. Let's say I create a game where You get to pick five players tonight in the major leagues.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 9 And if your five five players, based on numeric totals, have better offensive numbers for the night than any other five players, you win $50,000. And the fee is $10 to get in.

Speaker 1 People will buy that.

Speaker 9 They'll play it like crazy.

Speaker 1 They will play it all night. And the other nominee, wow, I can't believe this.
It's Hank

Speaker 1 for his invention of Listerquil. Wow.

Speaker 1 So let's go go to our celebrity presenter and find out who won.

Speaker 1 So this was me. Oh, and you're giving it to yourself.
As a celebrity presenter.

Speaker 1 You're your own celebrity presenter presenting an award to yourself. Yes, I reached out to Nicoletti.
He was the one that was supposed to be presenting this to me. Okay.
He did not get back. So

Speaker 1 here to announce the winner for Invention of the Year. is the winner of the Invention of the Year.
Yeah!

Speaker 1 Me. Way to go, Hank.
Way to go. You did it.
Thank you. Way to go, Hank.
ListerQuill. Now, Hank, have you actually tried ListerQuill? Yes.
It's in beta. It's in beta stages right now.

Speaker 1 We're doing some test trials.

Speaker 1 Trying to get it out to the public in the next six to twelve. Nice.
Get some valuations in there. Six to twelve years.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. We'll get there.
All right.

Speaker 1 We're getting close to Blake of the Year, by the way, folks. We have a few left here.
Next up, we have Athlete Chug of the Year. The nominees are Aaron Rodgers.

Speaker 1 We just threw that in there because someday hopefully he'll come on the show, even though he didn't do a chug and it was disgusting.

Speaker 1 Christian Yelich, David Bactiari from the Green Bay Packers, and PFT, you were generous enough to say that I should be on there for completely alphaing you and my chug during the

Speaker 1 exact.

Speaker 1 No, that was your words. You're like, hey, you alpha.
We're being nice to each other. I nominated you for the category.
I appreciate you. I just said that.
Yeah, I was impressed with your chug.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's get to the

Speaker 1 celebrity who's going to tell us who won. Hey, everyone, shoot nice again.

Speaker 1 I'm your chugging expert here to announce

Speaker 1 that

Speaker 1 take he

Speaker 1 for chug of the year

Speaker 1 and the winner is David

Speaker 1 Bach

Speaker 1 Tr

Speaker 1 E. Nailed it.
Got it. Chug to beer cord side in 2.55 seconds.
Got it. No way.

Speaker 1 Was it a point?

Speaker 1 Oh my God, I wish I was there. I would have said, gang fancy.

Speaker 1 Whoa. Jake, you're no joke, bro.
Oh,

Speaker 1 I might have to retire. Whoa.

Speaker 1 Shout out, Marge. Say not about you.
Yeah, shout out, Marge.

Speaker 1 Whoa. Somebody check on Shoe Nice.

Speaker 1 If you don't know Shoe Nice, go YouTube Shoe Nice right now. I didn't know him until like a year and a half, two years ago.
Really? Holy shit. What a great YouTube channel.
Dude can chug glue.

Speaker 1 Yeah, lots of it. And he eats everything.
He ate like 30 tampons once. It was fucking wild.
Shoe nice. What a legend.
Legend. Legend of the game.
Got back in one hour. Really?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Shoenice probably doesn't have a lot going on.

Speaker 1 Okay, PFT, you've got the next one. Yes, this award is for Robot of the Year.
And the nominees for the takey are Jason Witten. We all know that he's been quite a robot.
Robot. He's back to the league.

Speaker 1 He sprouted hair, which is kind of not robot-like, but everything that he did from that point forward was decidedly robot. Yes.

Speaker 1 Yes, the second nominee is VAR, the video assistant review system that FIFA put into place right before the Women's World Cup.

Speaker 1 I hated it until I loved it, and now I really love it. It helped me win a lot of bets.
For some reason, VAR just loved me.

Speaker 1 It's actually really good if you bet the over, yes, because of all the goalkeeping infractions on penalty kicks, things like that. Yep, it's a great, great thing for the over.
Great robot.

Speaker 1 The final nominee is Kwai Leonard for Robot of the Year. Yes.
For his little laugh.

Speaker 1 And the winner for Robot of the Year is VAR.

Speaker 1 The system I hated before I loved. Now I'm like, fuck it, turn it all over to the computers.
Let's do it. So, who was going to be a celebrity presenter? I had a couple lined up.

Speaker 1 The first was going to be Jay Cutler. Okay.
But not the quarterback, the bodybuilder, Jay Cutler.

Speaker 1 If you're not familiar with him, just Google Jay Cutler and do an image search. That's the Jay Cutler I was talking about.
And then I reached out to Stitches the Rapper down in Florida.

Speaker 1 I put that brick in your face. What are you going to do with it? I'm going to sell him blow.
So maybe he will. Maybe by the time you're listening to this, you've heard it.
You know what?

Speaker 1 In retrospect,

Speaker 1 I sent a project to a guy who's famous for just talking about how much he loves cocaine. Yeah.
So

Speaker 1 he should have got it back right away then. Either immediately or he's dead.
Yeah, never again. There's no in-between with stitches.

Speaker 1 Speaking of dead, we have our second to last award before we get to Blake of the Year. It is the still alive person of the year.

Speaker 1 Huge award. Big nominees.
First up, Tommy Lasorda, who is still alive. And because of our visit with death a couple years ago, I think we deserve a little credit.

Speaker 1 We have Penny Marshall, who's still alive in my mind, because I didn't realize she died when I mentioned her on Monday's show.

Speaker 1 And then we have. You only die the last time somebody says your name.
Right. So we're keeping her memory right.
Still alive.

Speaker 1 And then we find, and then we have the pitchers from the Mets, who the Mets did a 1969 remembrance of the championship team.

Speaker 1 They did a montage to the sell-out crowd, and it included some passed away members like Gil Hodges and Tug McGraw. And it also included Jim Gosker and pitcher Jesse Hudson, who are still alive.

Speaker 1 Still alive, people of the year. So those guys are nominated.
Let's go to our celebrity guest, who, by the way, I didn't realize was still alive.

Speaker 1 Hey, this is badass Billy Gunn,

Speaker 1 former DX member, former WWE superstar, and now Hall of Famer, now AEW producer. I'm here to announce the takey.

Speaker 1 I hope I pronounced that right. If I didn't, I apologize.
Takey for the still alive person of the year.

Speaker 1 And the winner is drum roll, something like that. I can't get a drum roll, so I'm just going to go like this.
The winner is... Tommy Lasorda, who is very much alive at the taping of this.

Speaker 1 If you're not down with that, I've got two words for you. Suck it.
Love it. The ass man, Billy Gunn.
I made sure to put in that note that as of the taping of this, so

Speaker 1 he is still alive. And shout out to Tommy Lasorda, our good friend, for being still alive.
I don't like the fact that Billy Gunn said that he was a former WWE superstar.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like you're once and always, right? For life. For life.

Speaker 1 All right, last one before we get to Blake of the Year. Yeah, so that's the last of the celebrity presenters.
And from now on, it's strictly part of my take.

Speaker 1 This is a very important award, inaugural award. This takeie is for Doink of the Year.
And the nominees are

Speaker 1 the first doink.

Speaker 1 It was a good doink. Really loud.
I still think it was going in. Really,

Speaker 1 really loud doink. I thought it was going in.
Nice little sound off that one. The second nominee for doink of the year for 2018-19 is the second doink.
That one I didn't think was going in.

Speaker 1 That one was a heartbreaker. Yeah, that one was like, this isn't going in.
That was the kill shot. Yep, the second doink.
Double Double tap.

Speaker 1 The winner of the inaugural doink of the year award goes to the second doink. That was the one that really made

Speaker 1 if it was just a single doink. That happens all the time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, sometimes four times in a game. But the second doink really made it, really pop.
It did. It did deserve to win.
The second doink. Okay.

Speaker 1 Let's get to the most important award of the year. It is the Blink of the Year Award.
We actually did this a day before to try to throw them off the scent because the rules were very clear.

Speaker 1 we're going to call you at some point this week and we didn't want to call them on the day that we taped the show so let's do it okay we have two awards left the second to last award is the blake of the year award this is probably the biggest award that we do every year well listeners of the year award but yes i mean this is a big one though yes it's a big one this is a huge one now blake bordles is two-time champion no one time back to back well by default he won blake of the year when his the first year of the take he did we give it out uh by default he won okay i think think we should only give him one.

Speaker 1 I think we should only give him one. Okay.
He didn't officially win the win. He's got one.
He's trying to defend his crown.

Speaker 1 He was running unopposed last year, though. No, two years ago.
Two years ago. Yes.
So Blake Bortles is the defending champion for Blake of the Year.

Speaker 1 We are going to do it exactly like we did it last year. It is.
I call each Blake. PFT has the stopwatch in his hands.
The minute he hears a dial tone or a ringtone, he starts the stopwatch.

Speaker 1 The minute we hear the Blake answer and say a word, we stop it. And

Speaker 1 we will then calculate all the results from the three Blakes and then call back each Blake and get their thoughts on the competition. And again, we have Blake Bortles, Blake Griffin, and Blake Kepka.

Speaker 1 Okay, now before we get into it, do we want to put some money on it? I think that'd be fun to have a little side bet going on. Okay.

Speaker 1 So I tell you what. Or a cat.
I feel like... Or maybe a cat.
Big Hat is the one that's made.

Speaker 1 I think me and you might have to. Big Cat's the one calling.
What does that have to do with it? You never know.

Speaker 1 Fix the bullets. No, he's not going to be a check.
You're so woke on every chance that I've ever made. Okay, you guys make a bet.
Okay, here's the bet. You two make a bet.
Hank and PFT a bet.

Speaker 1 I bet it's going to be...

Speaker 1 I got Bortles.

Speaker 1 I got Brooks. $20.
You do? You're going with Blake Griffin champion. All right, so I have Blake Griffin.
$20. What does the winner get? Oh, $20.
Everyone pulls in $20. Cash app.
Perfect. Okay.

Speaker 1 Let's go. How should we decide who gets to call first? I guess it doesn't really matter.
Let's see. Jake.
Well, I think it actually goes. It should go seniority.
So it should go.

Speaker 1 Brooks has to get called first, then Blake Griffin because he hasn't won yet, then Blake Bortles. Okay.
All right. All right.
Hang on. Let me get the stopwatch set up.
Okay. We're good.
Brooks going.

Speaker 1 Okay. Let me see.

Speaker 1 This is nerve-wracking.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.
Let me know when you hit send so I can be ready to listen. Okay.
I am hitting the call button right now. But

Speaker 1 you're not hitting it till you hear. Okay.
All right.

Speaker 1 This is Brooks Kepka, Blake of the Year nominee number one.

Speaker 1 Whoa, that was close shit.

Speaker 1 Okay, Brooks. Blake, excuse me, Blake.

Speaker 1 You just answered in 7.9 seconds.

Speaker 1 You were the first one that we called.

Speaker 1 Dwell, we'll see. I'll call you back because

Speaker 1 we're now going to call the other Blakes and we'll let you know if you won.

Speaker 1 That's going to be tough to beat. That's going to be tough to beat.
Holy shit. I love the fact that I was looking at my phone at this point.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 You were the long shot. We'll call you back.
We'll get it and we'll call you back. We'll let you know.
Okay. All right.
7.9 seconds. Holy shit.
Let me jot that down. I didn't expect that.
That is.

Speaker 1 I did not expect that. Damn.
You know what, though? Like, Brooks shows up for major tournaments. He does.
This is a big competition. This will be.

Speaker 1 If this was Blake of the Month, he would have sent it directly to his machine.

Speaker 1 I'm going to say right now, I don't think Blake Griffin will be able to recover if he loses Blake of the Year to Brooks Team. Brooks kept another.

Speaker 1 I really don't think he will be able to recover. Okay.

Speaker 1 Brooks, Kipka. Oh my God.

Speaker 1 I did not expect that. 7.9.
79 seconds. Wow.

Speaker 1 Okay. All right, so now we got Blake Griffin.
Now this one,

Speaker 1 there's been reports. We'll talk to him afterwards.
There've been reports that

Speaker 1 he is very nervous about this. Oh, he's extremely nervous.
He was getting chirped at the foul line this year. He's getting chirped at the foul line.

Speaker 1 He said to me that every time he goes into a parking garage or an elevator, he has a panic attack because it's been two days since we told him that we were going to call.

Speaker 1 I mean, for the next year, if he loses again, everybody is just going to be saying to him, like, tough break on Blake of the Year again. Dude, I'm nervous for him.
I am legit nervous for him.

Speaker 1 He could become the Buffalo Bills of Blake's. Oh, my God.
Okay, here we go. All right, ready?

Speaker 1 All right. I am

Speaker 1 getting the call set up. Tell me when you hit send.
And I'm listening. I'm hitting send.

Speaker 1 Oh!

Speaker 1 Shut up. Holy shit.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 2.8 seconds. Oh, my God.
All right. We'll call you back.
But as of right now, you are in the lead. Brooks Kepka picked up in 7.9 seconds, which was incredible.
That was.

Speaker 1 What a performance.

Speaker 1 No, no, you picked up in 2.8. Brooks Kafka picked up in 7.9.
We're like, that's going to be tough to beat. Holy shit.
All right. We'll call you back.
Okay. Oh, yes.
Okay. We'll call you back.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Okay.
All right. He's got to be.
I think that was the relief of not having to hold his phone for the entire next two days. Holy shit.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Now,

Speaker 1 if Blake Bortles wins this,

Speaker 1 it would be the greatest performance of all time. This would be legendary stuff.
I am nervous. This is his Hall of Fame moment if he's able to rise above this competition.

Speaker 1 And if he doesn't pick up, he's going to be, he will be like the Toronto Raptors. That one year a team just won out of randomly.

Speaker 1 And we look back in history and we're like, oh, remember when Bortles won it? He'll be an Also Rand. Yeah.
Okay. You ready? Yep.

Speaker 1 Okay, here we go. The call is being placed.

Speaker 1 It's a problem.

Speaker 1 It's just sitting there saying calling mobile.

Speaker 1 Oh no.

Speaker 1 We have a new Blake of the Air. Wow.
If he doesn't even pick up.

Speaker 1 The wireless customer you are calling is not available. Please try again.

Speaker 1 Hold on. Let me just double-check because he did change his phone number.
Nope. That's his

Speaker 1 unbelievable big time choke job.

Speaker 1 What a choker. Did he ignore you?

Speaker 1 He might have sent him to the machine. It just went.
No, I mean, I'll try again right now. Let's let's see again.
Just to uh hold on, Lise.

Speaker 1 They already started the parade. Let's try one more time just to make sure he's okay.
There actually should be a parade for Blink.

Speaker 1 Do you think there was anything weird that happened there because it said the call of the

Speaker 1 yeah, the answering machine sounded a little generic to me and it took so long to

Speaker 1 give him another shot, Hank? But now he's expecting it let's just see let's just

Speaker 1 it's going

Speaker 1 something's up with his phone right now

Speaker 1 he might be on a plane he might be in the Tesla

Speaker 1 there's something up with his phone

Speaker 1 This is devastating.

Speaker 1 Not surprising. The boat, devastated.

Speaker 1 I don't know what's up with his phone.

Speaker 1 I mean, I think he's just not picking up.

Speaker 1 Although, that's not an answer.

Speaker 1 That's only like three rings. Well, there's no way Blake has an answer.
Is that two rings?

Speaker 1 It's only two rings that goes to the machine, which tells me that

Speaker 1 that's not a normal phone that we're getting through to.

Speaker 1 Ooh, this is the... Now, do we have...
Is this like a...

Speaker 1 Are people going to say that there's something was afoot? We have to have this be a good competition. Should Blake Griffin sabotage Blake Bortle's phone?

Speaker 1 Should call it should we call it i don't know if we can call it officially can you text blake this is like uh after you know like after a kentucky derby like you got to go back and and check the tape to confirm yeah what is it called what was it called the derby

Speaker 1 this is

Speaker 1 the what objection this is no it's an inquiry inquiry yeah it's not objection yet it's an inquiry into blake bordle's phone number i don't know what to say I really don't know what to say.

Speaker 1 When was the last time you called him? Should we call Jared and see if he's with him? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. Maybe let's count Jared as Blake of the Year.
Maybe Jared will win Blake of the Year.

Speaker 1 Okay, hold on.

Speaker 1 All right. Here we go.
Jared.

Speaker 1 Blake Griffin, what a performance.

Speaker 1 Hello?

Speaker 1 Hey, are you with Blake?

Speaker 1 Right now, no.

Speaker 1 Damn, he lost Blake of the Year. Do you know if there's anything wrong with his phone?

Speaker 1 Oh, I don't. He lost it right now? Yeah, he just lost it.
I just tried to call him, and he didn't pick up twice. And Blake Griffin picked up in two seconds.

Speaker 1 Don't tweet anything out about it yet, though.

Speaker 1 We're not releasing the results until Friday. Yeah, hey, please don't go and tell ESPN at the Espys on the red carpet about our Blake of the Year award.
There's an embargo.

Speaker 1 Well, he was just texting me a minute ago. Jesus.
This is devastating.

Speaker 1 You know what? We are clearly showing a little bias here because we're giving him every shot, but I think he lost. I think he lost.
There was just something fishy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, have you tried to call his phone? And does it go to like a wireless customer? Is not available right now?

Speaker 1 Probably. Yeah, he might be working out, too.
I'll give him the benefit of the die. He could be working out.
That doesn't mean

Speaker 1 that's not an excuse. I'm also

Speaker 1 not buying it. Yeah, that's also not an excuse.
All right. Well, thank you, Jared.
We'll try to track him down. Hopefully, he's okay.

Speaker 1 I hope he's okay, too. I last I heard from him was about an hour ago.

Speaker 1 But who knows? Okay, okay. All right, we'll talk to you later, Jared.

Speaker 1 Unbelievable.

Speaker 1 All right, so I guess that's it. I think we have to call it.
Yep, that's it. I don't think there's I think the only explanation is he could possibly be in a no-cell area, right?

Speaker 1 Still, that's his fault. That's part of it.
That's his fault. We'll try one last time.
This doesn't even count, but we'll try one last time just to talk to him.

Speaker 1 No, yes. Something's up with it because all the other calls, even Jared's call, went straight through.
His phone, he lost it. He lost.
Blake Bortles has lost Blake of the Year.

Speaker 1 Unbelievable. An award named after him.
Stunning.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 You know what? You hate to see dynasties end, but like we talked about with the Warriors earlier this year, this is when it happens.

Speaker 1 It's like when you least expect it, when they're at the peak of their powers, you know, one little thing goes wrong. And next thing you know, it's over.

Speaker 1 And all we have to do is look back and think about what might have been. Yeah, so let's, what we'll do now is we're going to call the winner and the runner-up back and we'll go.

Speaker 1 We're Brooks right now. Yeah, that was great.
You guys really gassed him up. We did.
I mean, 7.9 was good. It was a good show.
We didn't expect it. I'm very excited.

Speaker 1 I'm already looking forward to this. Especially for a newcomer.
You know what, though?

Speaker 1 Good for Blake Griffin. Oh, he earned it.
He earned it. He earned it.
He deserved it. He put in the time this offseason.
Bortles, he has his championship that he can look on his mantle.

Speaker 1 He's always going to have that. Can't take it away.
Banners fly forever. Overall, I think this was a great competition.
Great competition.

Speaker 1 I love him. Blake.
Blake Griffin.

Speaker 1 It is our pleasure to award you the 2019 Blake of the Year Award. Congratulations.
Congratulations. What a performance.

Speaker 1 What a performance. You answered in 2.2? 2.2 seconds? It was 2.8 seconds.
2.8 seconds. And Brooks Kepka answered in 7.9 seconds, and Blake Bortles, in an absolute stunner, did not answer.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 wow, the pressure was too big, huh? Yeah, the moment was pretty solid. Yeah, so we know that you put in the work this offseason.

Speaker 1 You were ready for it, you had contingency plans in place just in case you were at a spot where you didn't have your phone in your hand.

Speaker 1 Would you like, you know, would you like to say any words or thank us for giving you this

Speaker 1 dubious honor?

Speaker 1 Gosh,

Speaker 1 I didn't prepare a speech or anything.

Speaker 1 First off, I'd like to thank my family for believing me this whole time.

Speaker 1 Obviously, there's been a lot of ups and downs,

Speaker 1 a lot of naysayers, a lot of haters, but

Speaker 1 somehow we made it here.

Speaker 1 I don't know, man.

Speaker 1 I'm at a loss for words, you know?

Speaker 1 Do you know which family member gave you the name Blake?

Speaker 1 I believe it was my mom. Okay.
Okay. Shout out, mom.
I mean, listen,

Speaker 1 you know, mom, they're listening. You're the real, you're the real B-O-T-Y.

Speaker 1 Yes, that's true. You are the real Blake of the Year.

Speaker 1 Blake, you,

Speaker 1 in discussing Blake of the Year, you were saying that you were taking,

Speaker 1 like, making sure everything was set. You were not leaving anything to chance.

Speaker 1 Can you talk us through the process that you went through this week to make sure that you were the winner of Blake of the Year?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 you know, Monday morning when I was notified, I

Speaker 1 just kind of quickly put in a plan of action.

Speaker 1 I showered with my phone every day.

Speaker 1 I actually hired somebody to hold my phone during workouts and be ready to answer and yell at me so I could sprint over.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 how much did you pay that person?

Speaker 1 Well, we actually haven't figured it out yet. I'll probably end up getting like some, you know, some like Jordan gear or something like that.
Oh, that's true. Oh, get lost in the mail? Give it to him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, exactly. Sure.
We'll get there next year.

Speaker 1 I think I actually, I'm, I'm tracking down you guys' stuff, but yeah, he was in charge of my phone during workouts. Shout out, Patrick.

Speaker 1 You know, the rest of the day was kind of on me. But like I said, I showered with my phone.
It's been on loud this whole time. I've annoyed everybody because my ringer keeps going off.
But

Speaker 1 I mean, at the end of the day, it's worth it. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 After missing out last year because I was serving our country.

Speaker 1 You know, good things happen to good people, I guess. Well, and it was an amazing performance, might I I add? 2.2 seconds.
We were in shock. We thought Brooks Kepka had it one with 2.8 with 7.9.

Speaker 1 When you got the call, what happened in those 2.8 seconds? What was going through your head?

Speaker 1 I mean, as soon as I saw Big Cat's name on the screen, I hit accept.

Speaker 1 I'm actually, I just finished the workout, so my phone was still connected to the speaker.

Speaker 1 So I quickly had to switch the audio over to speakerphone.

Speaker 1 That could have cost you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, it did.

Speaker 1 I I probably could have shaved a

Speaker 1 couple seconds off, or maybe a second off if I hadn't had to do that. But, you know, whatever.
We're here. What a performance.
Very proud of you. Yes.
So

Speaker 1 you can't announce it till we announce it on Friday, but congratulations again.

Speaker 1 Blake of the year to you. Fantastic work.
And I think we're going to see you in a couple weeks, right? You're going to be in New York City?

Speaker 1 I'll be there Sunday night. Oh, you know what?

Speaker 1 We'll throw a parade for you. Yeah, we'll have a parade.
We'll do Canyons of of Heroes, and we'll have a parade for you for Blake of the Year. Great.

Speaker 1 I'm looking forward to it. Thank you guys

Speaker 1 for giving me another chance. And

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Like I said, I don't know what to say. Yeah, you're lost for words.

Speaker 1 Listen, all I'm going to say is enjoy this, Blake. But just so you know, next year's coming, and there will be some hungry Blakes that will be looking to take back the title.
So have fun.

Speaker 1 Name the moment. Yes, name of the moment.
Take it all in. But there will be.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm going going to celebrate tonight, but 364 more days until next Blake of the Year. That's right.
Eyes on the prize. Yes.
All right, Blake. We'll talk to you later, man.

Speaker 1 All right, Let's thanks.

Speaker 1 Hello. Brooks.

Speaker 1 What up?

Speaker 1 Brooks, Gretz, it pains us to inform you that you finished in second place for the 2019 Blake of the Year Award. Second out of third.
So, not bad.

Speaker 1 All right, not too bad. Not too bad for a first-timer.
No, actually,

Speaker 1 we'll tell you exactly how it went down. You got the first call.
You answered in 7.8 seconds, which we thought was fantastic. We were gassing you up.
We thought it wasn't going to be beat.

Speaker 1 We called Blake Griffin next. He answered in 2.8 seconds.
And so

Speaker 1 he did kind of wipe the floor with you. I mean, he set a course record.
Yeah, he did.

Speaker 1 It's never been done that quickly. But to walk us through your first

Speaker 1 time competing in Blake of the Year and the emotions you're going through knowing that you did not, in fact, win Blake of the Year. I'm actually quite pissed right now.
I'm actually pissed.

Speaker 1 I can't hear you. It's set in.

Speaker 1 I literally had my phone in my hand about 10 seconds before that.

Speaker 1 Where was your phone when we called?

Speaker 1 I was just chilling in bed and it was laying next to me. Oh, no.
Sliding doors moment.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm starting to think cell phone service might

Speaker 1 No, because we started the clock once it started to ring. Yeah.
So the connecting part wasn't an issue. Now, I'll give you a little consolation prize here.

Speaker 1 You are the first inaugural winner of the South African Lake of the Year Award. Yes.

Speaker 1 So you do get a takeie for that. I did win something, I guess.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, I mean, I can tell you when we first broke the news to you, you were happy that you were just, you know, second out of third.

Speaker 1 But now that it's set in that you were that close, it's got to be painful because this is an important

Speaker 1 event and you won't have a chance to compete in it again until next year.

Speaker 1 I know. I got to wait a whole year.
Yep, whole year. But But I did get smoked, which I'm actually quite pissed at.
Yes. Smoked.
Absolutely smoked. Big time, not even close.
No.

Speaker 1 Now, would you be more upset, though, if you had lost, if you had put together like a great performance and you had picked up in three seconds flat and gotten beat by 0.2 seconds?

Speaker 1 Wouldn't that sting a little bit more than getting just blown out of the water? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah,

Speaker 1 if you're going to get beat, you might as well just get lapped. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because there's nothing worse than getting your heart ripped out.

Speaker 1 It's a bad beat, man. Like last-second buzzer beater.
Yeah, you were waiting after the 18th green to see how Blake Griffin was going to finish. And it turns out he shot an eagle.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you had no chance. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you have any strategies going forward, next year's competition? Are you going to maybe look at how you dealt with this year's competition and try to figure out a way to win this?

Speaker 1 I mean, it's a tough, tough award to win. Blake Griffin went to lengths.
He had a kid holding his phone while he was training all week. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 I think I just need to hire someone to hold my phone and answer every call.

Speaker 1 I think that's the way forward. Yes, I will say behind the scenes, just so that you know next year, we're counting it on when you say hello.

Speaker 1 So if somebody else picks up the phone and says hi, that isn't a Blake, that doesn't count as into the stopwatch. So it has to be you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, this kid that I hire next year is going to have to be standing within a step of me everywhere I go. Yeah.
Or he could just have like a Blake Kepka soundboard queued up on his computer.

Speaker 1 Hello. Hello.

Speaker 1 That's true.

Speaker 1 So, Blake/slash Brooks, one last question from me.

Speaker 1 We're not going to release this till Friday, so don't say anything. Don't tell anyone that you finished second in Blake of the Year.

Speaker 1 But when we do release it and Brandelis Chambliss finds out, what do you think his reaction is going to be?

Speaker 1 He's going to be pumped.

Speaker 1 He's got to be. I mean,

Speaker 1 I'm a loser.

Speaker 1 It's a big time told you so moment for Bruns Licia. Brandy the Chamby.
Also, shout out to you for getting your new logo, which you promised us. Awesome-looking logo.
Very nice. Yeah.
Very nice.

Speaker 1 Is it good?

Speaker 1 I get the approval. You get the approval.
The old one is gone.

Speaker 1 It's a new Brooks Kepka, Blake Kepka.

Speaker 1 And, you know, unfortunately, you've never won anything with this new logo, but maybe next year.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Good luck at the Espes tonight, too. Are you at the Espes?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm at the Espies. Oh, yeah.
I wouldn't get my hopes up. The people, the talent scouts over at ESPN, don't they don't know shit.

Speaker 1 Don't worry about that. Wait, do you think you're going to win?

Speaker 1 I'm definitely not going to win golfer of the year.

Speaker 1 What are you up for?

Speaker 1 Athlete of the year and golfer of the year. I got a better chance of winning athlete of the year than I do golfer of the year because Tiger Woods.
Okay. I'm going to throw this out there.

Speaker 1 If you win any award and you say,

Speaker 1 I first want to thank part of my take, go subscribe and unsubscribe right now. We might have to reconsider Blake of the Year.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Just gonna throw that out there. You can still win.
I think, honestly, I think that, yeah, that might be that might trump all. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Listen, I'm gonna have to go to the committee with that because that's clearly extenuating circumstances. Oh, man.

Speaker 1 I think Blake.

Speaker 1 I think

Speaker 1 if I win male athlete of the year and I walk on stage and just say that and walk off,

Speaker 1 that's the ultimate mic drop, right? Yes. You'd win.

Speaker 1 That's a six-second subtraction from your time. Yes.
Oh, at least, yeah. Okay, well, just food for thought.
Have fun tonight, and hopefully, we'll see you soon, man.

Speaker 1 All right. Sounds good.
Letter voice. All right.
Thanks. Thanks, Brooks.

Speaker 1 Okay, I have gotten word from Blake Bortles.

Speaker 1 What did he say? Here.

Speaker 1 Like an hour later.

Speaker 1 Hello.

Speaker 1 Blake, it's over. Yep.
I regret to inform you you finished in third place for the 2019. The team calls never came through.

Speaker 1 It does. That's it.
We ran. We called.
It rang.

Speaker 1 And unfortunately, Blake, when you listen to the tape, we wanted to give you every chance to defend your title.

Speaker 1 I think we showed a little bit of our bias, which is not going to sit well with the other Blakes.

Speaker 1 But I texted. I didn't get a text back for like 20 minutes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, hey, can you hear me? Yeah, are you okay?

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, I'm at Riviera, and I have no service, and they don't have phones in there. So, yeah, I was fucked.
That's my phone's on loud. That's out, so I was ready.
That's not the break.

Speaker 1 It's kind of interesting that Blake Bortles was on the golf course, and Blake Kepka was just chilling at home in his bed. Interesting.
Little freaking Friday situation. No, he came in second.

Speaker 1 Blake Kepka picked up the phone in 7.8 seconds. Blake Griffin picked up the phone in 2.8 seconds.
God, dude.

Speaker 1 You know, I've had my phone on loud and I've been working out and the different things I do in the weight room. I take my phone and set it down next to me.
So I've been ready. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, I sensed a little bit of animosity in your voice when you thought that Blake Kepka had won the award. Would you have been upset if a newcomer had won?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know, I mean,

Speaker 1 nobody likes the new kid on the block winning. I mean, I guess some people do.
Like, Like, I'm a fan of watching Tiger continue to win, you know. Ooh, shots fired in the Blake community.
I like this.

Speaker 1 Rivalry is good for the game. Yes.

Speaker 1 So what are you going to do? I mean, this is,

Speaker 1 our thought was that you got a little, you know, comfortable with the title. You thought the Blake of the year was going to last forever and you were just going to keep winning it year after year.

Speaker 1 And then, boom, you don't even pick up.

Speaker 1 You know, I think it's just, it's a minor setback for a big comeback similar to my career. So, you know, that's kind kind of what I'm looking for.
Hell yeah. That's true.
That is true.

Speaker 1 I mean, again, when you listen to the tape, we showed our bias. We wanted you to win.
We were rooting for a back-to-back Blake of the Year. Would have been Dynasty Talk.

Speaker 1 That's always good for ratings. Yeah, always good.
But

Speaker 1 there's nothing better than just a good back-and-forth rivalry, though. True.
You know what? If this was a seven-Blake series, I feel like you would take four out of seven. Yeah, this is...

Speaker 1 You know, yeah, everybody lays an egg. Next year is going to be intense knowing that, you know, it's all squared up with the Blakes and Brooks' newcomer.

Speaker 1 Right. Brooks has definitely got to get on the board, but I'm definitely...
I'm surprised at that. What is it? 2.7 seconds? 2.8.
2.8 real quick. Incredible.
2.8 seconds. Yeah.
What fun.

Speaker 1 He was on it. He was practicing all we.

Speaker 1 He had a kid hold his phone while he was training.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 Jesus. Hey, I'm sorry.
I let you guys down. That's okay.
Are you at least shooting well today?

Speaker 1 No, I was actually in the bar drinking, and then we're headed headed out to play now.

Speaker 1 All right, we'll hit him straight, all right?

Speaker 1 All right, talk to you guys later. All right, later.

Speaker 1 I like how Jared really tried to set him up. Be like, he's probably working out.
Yeah. Yeah, he's doing 12-pound or 12-ounce curls.
Dude, he was texting me. He's like, you're blowing it, Blake.

Speaker 1 You're blowing it. And I think there was a huge amount of our fans that were rooting for the back-to-back title, the Dynasty Talk.

Speaker 1 There's murmurs of it. But Blake Griffin, again, he deserves it because that was

Speaker 1 an incredible, incredible

Speaker 1 Now, it'll be interesting as the show progresses and we get more Blakes involved.

Speaker 1 Are we going to team up Blakes? Are there going to be super teams, big threes? That would be interesting, yeah.

Speaker 1 If we just do call all three and they all have to, we do an aggregate time, yeah, maybe a home and away aggregate.

Speaker 1 Champions League, I like the scoring, um, but yeah, so credit to Blake Griffin, Blake of the Year 2019. What a performance! Well-deserved Blake, well-deserved Blakes all around.

Speaker 1 Blake Bortles, not really. I can't be mad at him.
Okay, that's our show. Thank you guys for listening.
As always,

Speaker 1 listening all the way through the end. It's always great to see our fans interact with these type of shows.

Speaker 1 It means a lot, honestly, that you guys stick around and, you know, you see everything through, especially these long shows.

Speaker 1 I know they can drag on sometimes, but it's important because the biggest awards are always at the very end. So thank you guys for listening all the way through.
And we'll see you Monday.

Speaker 1 I think we got Doug Marone and Ice Cube. There we go.
All right. Love you guys.

Speaker 1 You think we forgot? Do you actually think we forgot? Shame on you for thinking that we forgot about you. Of course, you won award-winning listeners of the year.
Three Pete. Three Pete.

Speaker 1 That's a dynasty. That is now officially a dynasty for the award-winning listeners out there.

Speaker 1 I know the Daddy Gang, there was a lot of buzz about them going into this year, but we're going to stick it. Listen,

Speaker 1 no question about it. Head and shoulders above all other podcast listeners.
Just when you hold up the three, make sure you do it with the American away.

Speaker 1 This way, otherwise, you won't be allowed in Wrigley Field anymore. Also, if you're listening, don't let's let people sweat it a little bit.
Yeah, let's let it be.

Speaker 1 If people got mad, we want to see, we want the people that didn't listen all the way through

Speaker 1 to show themselves. Yes, and permission to go there.

Speaker 1 But this obviously started as a joke that we gave out award-winning listener of the year, but we actually do think that you guys are the best listeners in the world.

Speaker 1 So you do deserve this award, and we actually do very much love you. I know that PFD says it every show, but I'm going to say it right now.
I love you guys too.

Speaker 1 And thank you for always supporting us and listening.

Speaker 1 Congrats.

Speaker 1 Get drunk all weekend. You have permission from us.
Get fucked up all day. You know what we should do?

Speaker 1 Let's do one of those things like when Andy Reid writes a note on a Thursday night game to the entire city of Kansas. What is it, Kansas City? Play it to get out of work early.

Speaker 1 Sorry, I've had a full pounder of Bud Light here. Yes.

Speaker 1 Play this for your boss on Monday morning. Play this for your boss, and we're going to write a letter saying that you have our permission to duck out early on Friday and get waste all weekend.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Love you guys. See you guys Monday.
Love you, love you, love you. Love you.
Love you. Hank, are you going to say it?

Speaker 1 Love you guys.