Dan Haren, Mt Rushmore Of Positions, And Jilly Football On A Wednesday

Speaker 1 Hey, pardon my take, listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
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Speaker 1 Let's go!

Speaker 1 Now in the streets, there is violence,

Speaker 1 and then I love to stop the work to be done.

Speaker 1 Looks behind a lot of washing,

Speaker 1 and then I can aim all on the sun. Oh, oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric

Speaker 1 It's part of my tape presented by

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Speaker 1 Welcome to Part of My Tape presented by the Cash App. Go download the Cash App right now.
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Speaker 1 $5 to yourself, $5 to the ASPCA. Today is Wednesday, July 10th,

Speaker 1 and breaking moose.

Speaker 1 Hank's not doing the calc. So we have to do the calculation.

Speaker 1 Okay, so breaking news.

Speaker 1 We were ready to start the show in a normal fashion and talk about the home run derby and the all-star game, but our intern, Jake, PMT Sports Biz, is now in a well-actually off with Revelle.

Speaker 1 It was destined to happen at some point. And I'm honestly surprised that it lasted this long.

Speaker 1 But if you had guessed, okay, well, these guys hired Jake to be a sports business reporter for part of my take. Eventually, Ravel will get mad.
What will he get mad at?

Speaker 1 You probably would have guessed, ding, ding, ding, a Reuben sandwich. Yes.

Speaker 1 So, so Jake was doing some behind-the-scenes reporting at the All-Star game, found out what kind of new epic bacon wind sriracha sandwiches they had in store for the crowd at at the game today.

Speaker 1 And he found a Reuben sandwich. What was it called? It was called a,

Speaker 1 I'm pulling up the exact name of it right now. It was the All-Star Rally Reuben.
And Jake tweeted out all the ingredients, gave you a little behind the scenes on it.

Speaker 1 And Darren, being the eagle-eyed sleuth that he is, said, one, you spelled Reuben wrong. Two, this was my content yesterday.

Speaker 1 So we got an old-fashioned turf war on our hands, a sandwich turf war between sports business reporters. So we're going to do this live right now, and I have the response for you.

Speaker 1 So he put his Ruben sandwich eating on Instagram, not on Twitter. So you need to reply right now because he just tweeted at you, said, see, here it is.

Speaker 1 Say, happy that you finally tweeted it, Darren, to your, happy you finally tweeted it to your 2 million followers, Darren.

Speaker 1 It would have been better to put it here first and not on Instagram where you have 38,000 followers.

Speaker 1 That's good. Also, since he corrected your spelling of it, you spelled it the way they spell it at the ballpark, which is R-U-E-B-E-N.
Darren was saying it's actually spelled R-E-U-B-E-N.

Speaker 1 Yeah, maybe if you're a New York elitist and you're only used to spelling it your way, well, guess what? In the Midwest, they do some things a little bit differently there. And that's fine.

Speaker 1 It's not fly-over country, Darren, okay? The real people out there. So, Jake, you just tell him that

Speaker 1 I guess they didn't teach you. Or it's no wonder that Northwestern lost its accreditation if they teach you to correct other people's mistakes in reporting.
That's good. That's good.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so pretty much to sum up

Speaker 1 what happens in July, well, we get into Turf Wars over Ruben Sandwiches on Twitter with Darren Revelle. That was our fucking self.
Welcome to part of my take. We got a big show for you.

Speaker 1 As Hank said beautifully at the start,

Speaker 1 Hank is doing all the ads tonight because we lost a bet to him. Credit to Hank.
You won the bet. Christian Yellich did not home run.
He struck out, in fact. We have Dan Heron coming up.

Speaker 1 We have the Mount Rushmore of Positions, and we have Jilli Football on a special Wednesday show, Guys on Chicks. Wenye.
Yeah, Wenye. Before we do that though, should we talk about the Homer Derby?

Speaker 1 Yeah, let's talk about it. It was pretty awesome.
It was pretty awesome. Awesome.
Vlad Jr., big chunk boy. Love that thick little lad.

Speaker 1 He was up to bat, just mashing taters over the fence into, he was hitting the scoreboard on every single shot. It was amazing.
He is electric.

Speaker 1 Shout out to all the people who cried and whined that Vlad Guerrero Jr. should not be in the home run derby because he only has eight home runs and is not an all-star.
You fucking suck, you people.

Speaker 1 You don't like fun. Because if you watched Vlad Guerrero take any of his practice swings like a week ago, you knew that he was going to be a show.
You knew he was going to be awesome to watch.

Speaker 1 And I want Vlad Guerrero in every single home run derby for the rest of time. He didn't get brought up until like part of the way through the season, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was, I think it was one of those things. The Chris Bryant flower thing.
Yeah, it was a couple weeks or something. You get that earned a couple weeks.

Speaker 1 Well, who knows how many home runs he would have hit in that extra week. True.

Speaker 1 I thought it was

Speaker 1 one of the better home run derbies that I've ever seen. Yes.

Speaker 1 But then on aggregate, he ended up dominating and winning, but he didn't win the derby itself because of the way that they reset when you go into the final round.

Speaker 1 So he didn't win a million dollars, but he won the hearts and minds of all of America. I think that there should be equal pay for those who hit more home runs in the home run derby than

Speaker 1 that. That's true.
So Pete Alonso won, who he will be, Pete Alonso will be a great,

Speaker 1 well, actually, in like 25 years. Oh, people say, oh, yeah, Vlad Guerrero, Remember that 2019? Well, Pete Alonzo actually won with 23 homers in the final round.

Speaker 1 It's a great trivia answer, so I'm telling you right now, this is going to be a slumdog millionaire moment for you guys. In about five years, you're going to be asked who won this home run derby.

Speaker 1 Just remember, it was Pete Alonso. Peter.
I'm giving you money right now, Peter Alonso. Yeah, I said Peter on like last week, and Mets fans got very mad.
Petey Boy. Yeah.
There's

Speaker 1 a lot of things they can control. So how would you feel? Yeah, not a lot.
There's not a lot they can control. Putting the hard R on the end of their

Speaker 1 superstar? Careful.

Speaker 1 They don't want that. Yeah, careful with that.
Actually, his name is Robert Bunilla, that we pay $1.3 million a year to. Every single year for the next 75 years.

Speaker 1 Yeah, how do you get over a pitching performance like that

Speaker 1 if you're his uncle or a second cousin or whoever was? Cousin Derek. Cousin Derek.
How do you get over that? Because at the end of the day, you just got shelled.

Speaker 1 Well, Cousin Derek was terrible. He was so bad.
There was actually a take out there that we should not be crediting Vlad Grill Jr. because he had an actual soft toss pitcher.
Like

Speaker 1 the pitching coach was pitching to him. And Pete Alonzo had cousin Derek.
Matt Chapman had his dad who was like trying to strike him out.

Speaker 1 He was throwing sliders. He was.
Because that was his moment to shine. Yes, yes.
But so

Speaker 1 that take was awesome. But yeah, if you're cousin Derek, you got lit up.
I'm sure you'll get a little bit of pay. It's great, though, because Pete Alonzo, I think, is making like $500,000 this year.

Speaker 1 And he just doubled his salary with just mashing taters in Cleveland. And donated something to the troops.
And donated something to the troops. Oh, look at that.
That's worse. In Marlins Manstown.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Cleveland.
Very nice. We do that.

Speaker 1 He doesn't go not because you can't see the front row, but because Cleveland fans were mean to him. Just want that on the record.

Speaker 1 There's an invisible fence around Cleveland. Marlins Man will never grace yourself.
It has nothing to do with the fact that there's an elevated front row and you cannot see someone on TV.

Speaker 1 Absolutely not. Not at all.
They should have had Vlad pitching to his son. That would have been awesome.
Although he would have just struck him out.

Speaker 1 Well, so my idea idea was when Jock Peterson and Vlad Grow Jr.

Speaker 1 got to like the third overtime, they should have had to pitch to each other and tried to strike each other out, which would have been great because they went on the swing off and had a million

Speaker 1 swings there. What do you got there? I just wanted to update that we have to remember that that Breaking Moose segment was brought to us by Chocolate Milk for Real Recovery that tastes real good.

Speaker 1 So we're new at the Chocolate Milk Breaking Moose segment as well, just like Hank is new at the opening ad reach. But Hank, I thought you did a great job.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Even though you were being very nasty to us before the show started. You were doing great too, sweetie.
Very nasty indeed.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 another breaking news is that we have PMT Sports Biz.

Speaker 1 We have PMT Sports Biz Jake. He's clapping back as we speak.
So we will update everyone. I'm sure this will be really great to listen to after the fact.

Speaker 1 If you don't have Twitter and you're listening to this show, you're going to be so lost. Welcome to the show.

Speaker 1 But it is, we have the All-Star Game going on tonight as we're broadcasting as we're transmitting this show to you right now yeah um the balls are no longer juiced yeah they took they took what verlander had said to heart and they actually reversed them and made the seams higher for this game so the teachers could dominate so the uh so those are the two the big storylines coming out of the all-star game is justin verlander has uh said the balls are definitely juiced which i don't think anyone disagrees with but then we just don't care yeah rob manford had to be like we didn't intentionally do it and if it's something's different well something's different you know the worst thing adam silver has done he's made it so that every other commissioner feels like

Speaker 1 people want to hear them weigh in on every small little concern that your sport has. Yes.
So Manfred's like, yeah, you know what? What would Adam Silver do? He'd probably tweet about it a bunch.

Speaker 1 He'd probably

Speaker 1 get ahead of it.

Speaker 1 So, yeah. Went to the Sloan conference.
Listen, buddy, we don't care. Just give me the, give me all the dingers.
Give me the taters.

Speaker 1 And it actually is so appropriate, too, that Rob Manfred has to deal with this concurrently while

Speaker 1 Bud Selig is going on his book tour and basically trying to erase history and make it the Bud Selig history. Bud Selig wrote a book?

Speaker 1 Yes, he wrote a book where I'm pretty sure he barely touched on the steroid era.

Speaker 1 And was like, it was good for baseball, whatever. He also doesn't own a computer, right? No.
So he's thinking on typewriters? Yeah, it's actually only one copy. Just him.
Yeah, because he wrote it.

Speaker 1 He goes to different cities and he reads it. We're waiting for someone to Xerox it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I wanted to do something real quick with you, PFT, for the home run derby, which was universally loved. Like one of those rare things where it's hard for all-star games.

Speaker 1 You see it with the Pro Bowl, no one really, everyone gets mad about the Pro Bowl. Everyone gets mad about the dunk contest.
The home run derby, everyone was like, this is fucking awesome.

Speaker 1 And it's the middle of July and we got nothing else. So rate this take.
I got two for you. Hit me.

Speaker 1 Bob Nightingale said, how about instead of a home run contest at the all-star game, doing something that fans rarely see these days, you know, like a beat the shift slash bunting derby.

Speaker 1 That'd be great. I mean, I've said for a while that a bunt derby would be just amazing content.
Also, how about just an an event where a batter walks and then sprints to first base? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Or how about Bob Nightingale, you learned the rules of baseball because isn't hitting a home run beating the shift every single time?

Speaker 1 Like that's literally. You just actually blew my mind right.

Speaker 1 You beat the shift when you hit a home run over everyone. That's very true.
So we did do a beat the shift contest. Uh-huh.
And Peyton won. And it was great.

Speaker 1 And so speaking of, I'm going to rate that on, was that on the Richter scale? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm going to give it.

Speaker 1 Well, no, it can't be on the Richter scale because it's not a ticket. Well, it wasn't joke.
Joke is a take. It's a joke.

Speaker 1 That's a very solid take. I'm going to give it like a 7.3.

Speaker 1 Okay, and then we had, speaking of Pete Alonso beating the shift all night, winning the beat the shift contest, James Seltzer, who I don't even know who that is,

Speaker 1 he wrote, he's a host and producer of sports-rated Go Birds Pod.

Speaker 1 This might be a Cardinals fan. Okay, so he said, Pete Alonzo is way too excited to win the home run derby.
I mean, a million bucks is nothing to sneeze at, but come on.

Speaker 1 So, Pete Alonzo, wrong for celebrating. His celebration is.
Doubling your salary in one night. Well, it's actually tripping the troops when you think about it.
Oh, he's sorry. He's Philadelphia guys.

Speaker 1 Go Birds Eagles. Because he makes $500,000 a year, right? Yeah.
So the million dollars, it's like

Speaker 1 tripling his salary. So I can't do math.
That just blew my mind. Yeah.

Speaker 1 200%.

Speaker 1 Is that right? I don't do percent. That's double.
Yeah, double. The only percentage I give is $110.
He doubled his salary.

Speaker 1 He won double his salary, but he tripled his salary because if you add the salary back in,

Speaker 1 this is why we have you, Jake. Anytime you want to speak up and let us know how to do math.

Speaker 1 So the bottom line is that he was too excited to win. Yes.
Right? Okay. Yeah, I'm always on board for a take like that.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 The best way that you can ever win anything is by acting really upset that you won it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 This event that is purely for entertainment and everyone's having a good time and it's one of those things where all baseball fans, it's not a regional thing. You can just watch and enjoy it.

Speaker 1 He had too much fun. Yeah, the home run derby is one of those things.
It's very sacred in the game of baseball. Yeah.
You need to treat it with all the respect and decorum of an actual game.

Speaker 1 Unbelievable ratio. Take a guess on his replies and retweets.
1.7,000 replies, 20 retweets. Ooh, you were close.
1,000 replies, 22 retweets. So he did a little bit better than that.
But zone.

Speaker 1 Either way, it was awesome. And then we had the all-star game tonight where where guys got mic'd up.

Speaker 1 And I initially said while we were watching it, I was like, oh, here come all the columnists saying, wow, is micing up baseball players going to save baseball?

Speaker 1 Because that's my favorite thing to write when everyone tries to save baseball. It's like, baseball is baseball.
You're going to like your team.

Speaker 1 You're probably not going to give a fuck about other teams. It's going to be a regional sport.
And if you like it, you like it. And great.

Speaker 1 The only thing that ruins baseball is when the game ends in a tie. Right.
And we're not doing that anymore. So we were watching, and they had someone at bat who who was mic'd up.

Speaker 1 I think it's Freddie Freeman. And I have to admit, I think it might save baseball.
With all that said, it could definitely save baseball. It was very, very cool.
It was very cool.

Speaker 1 I would like to see the umpires mic'd up.

Speaker 1 More than anything, what I really want, the only thing I want out of baseball, is to hear what the managers are saying when they scream in an umpire's face, like when they're about to kiss.

Speaker 1 I think at some point in every argument, they just scream, like,

Speaker 1 I'd like to kiss you. Yeah.
Because they're so close. You won't.
You won't. You won't kiss me.
I'll kiss you, you son of a bitch.

Speaker 1 If we mic'd up Joe West, there'd be so many straight farts on that mic. They would have to have like a 20-second delay.
Just clean up all the audio. It would be all farts and just

Speaker 1 audible chafage. And his neck sound.
Hearing his thighs when he's walking together would just sound like two pieces of sandpaper that you're rubbing together at Home Depot.

Speaker 1 And we're back at Joe West. Fun fact, you could actually start a fire just by putting some kindling in between Joe West's legs.
Yeah, or just get it right under, tuck it right under that neck.

Speaker 1 Under the gullet. All right, so that was our Joe West roast of the day.

Speaker 1 What else we got? I mean, mean,

Speaker 1 we are getting into the slow time of the year. It's bunting season, and I'm not talking about the bunt derby.

Speaker 1 I mean, like, bunting that they set up around ballparks, the red, white, and blue half-circle flags that go up everywhere. Love it.
It starts this week.

Speaker 1 It's really a nice visual treat that carries me into football season. By the way, do you know what I did this morning? Yeah.
I just turned on the red zone channel just to see. Nice.

Speaker 1 Just to check, like, maybe there's a game on. Fox doing the football music for baseball will never not fuck me up.
That's Stolen Valley. And they have the Robot show.
They stole the NBC.

Speaker 1 They use the NBC on NBA for what?

Speaker 1 For like, is that college basketball? Oh, yes, they do do that now. Yeah, yeah, they do that.
They can't do that. Yeah, no, it's fucked up.

Speaker 1 When you switch the, we are Pavlov's dogs when it comes to our sports songs. Yes.
And if you play the Fox football music in the middle of July, I'm ready to watch the Cowboys and the Giants. Right.

Speaker 1 If I hear the

Speaker 1 from Brazz at the start of a Democratic debate,

Speaker 1 I'm getting a boner. Yeah.
I've already leaked some pre-competition. We're very simple people.
Okay, let's do hot seat, cool throne, and then we'll get to Dan Heron. But first.
But first.

Speaker 1 Yeah, do an ad. Let's go.
Do the ad, Hank. And also, everyone, go watch this episode on barstoolgold.com slash PMT.

Speaker 1 We're actually interviewing a cuddler, a professional cuddler, tomorrow for Barstool Gold, today, for barstoolgold.com slash PMT. That will be out shortly.

Speaker 1 So make sure you go download it right now and subscribe and buy it. It's awesome.
You're also going to want to watch Tank Diggy's Apple.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and you get your free, you get to watch Rough and Rowdy on Friday night, next Friday night from Fort Bragg in North Carolina. So, there's really, it pays for itself.
BarstoolGold.com/slash PMT.

Speaker 1 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 5 Sebastian Meniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep

Speaker 1 coming

Speaker 5 Sebastian Maniscalco it ain't right premieres November 21st streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers terms apply

Speaker 1 All right, uh, let's do hot seat cool throne Hank, you're up go first, buddy. Wow, okay, uh, my hot seat such a great mood.

Speaker 1 Speaking of cruises, yeah, I mean, I just love to read, so it's like when I get the chance to do more. Oh, wait, we got another Revelle reply.

Speaker 1 Now you own my strategy, was his reply to Jake saying you probably should have tweeted it out instead of putting it to 38,000. He's such a fucking loser.
Go on. We're done with Ravel.

Speaker 1 My hot seat is Sex Island.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 So there was a video ad today. Oh, whoa.
Have you read the news recently? What? Okay, never mind. Anyway.

Speaker 1 PFT knows what I'm talking about. There's a fucked up story out there right now.
Anyway, sorry, I don't pay attention to that stuff. I try and stay lighthearted with my news.

Speaker 1 Sex Island, there was a video ad that some guy from Vegas made where it's basically Firefest 2.0, but the point of the ad is that you will get flown out to Sex Island and there will be 100 beautiful women there.

Speaker 1 It's under some scrutiny. The cops are trying to shut it down.

Speaker 1 They said it's going to get raided.

Speaker 1 I don't know. But that, again, this is hot seat, cool thrown, and that's why Sex Island, as great as it sounds, it's on the hot seat.
It sounds like it might not have. It's a hot peninsula.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's an isthmus.

Speaker 1 I also had people who thought a breaking bad sequel is coming out. It's not? No.
I thought that was a prequel.

Speaker 1 It was, they, you know, they both tweeted a couple weeks weeks ago that they just started their own like tequila company. That got announced today.
This is like the fucking Lebowski ad.

Speaker 1 It's a total advanced advanced. You can't do this.
This is bullshit.

Speaker 1 I don't like it. I don't like it at all.

Speaker 1 You know what? Just for that, I'm going to

Speaker 1 leave a negative review for Breaking Bad on Netflix, bringing its total stars down to 4.9998. It's now a 99.999 rotten tomato.
Damn it.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 My Cool Throne is Coach's Challenges. Oh.

Speaker 1 Except Except there's no red flag, but the NBA Board of Governors have passed the implementation of in-game challenge flags for head coaches for the 2019 season. Okay, so.

Speaker 1 But it's bullshit because there's actual, they're not going to be throwing a flag. Yeah.
It's just like a hand signal. That was clearly because they're like, all right, we should do a flag.

Speaker 1 And then they said, wait, no, Greg Popovich will definitely kill a ref. Yeah.
So they cut that out.

Speaker 1 My brain immediately goes to, I'm going to get screwed with some kind of bet on a challenge, correct? Correct. Absolutely right.
No chance that I'm going going to go unscathed next year.

Speaker 1 You sure there's not going to be a flag? Yes. Is this a wave? I'm in support of the footballization of any other sport.
I want there to be a flag.

Speaker 1 No, you know what it should be is it should be the coach has to calmly go to the scorer's table and pour himself a glass of sheesh. Ooh, I like that a lot.

Speaker 1 Or just, you know, LeBron's just going to take over all use of the challenges.

Speaker 1 Or

Speaker 1 before each game, the coach follows all the refs on Instagram, and then when they want a challenge, they unfollow him. Ooh, yeah.
This league. That'd be nice.
the max.

Speaker 1 Stan Van Gundy definitely would have gotten the flag lost in his clothes. Yeah.
Jeff Fisher. Yes.

Speaker 1 That was great, Hank. All I know is

Speaker 1 this is going to fuck over the New Orleans Pelicans in some way, shape, or form. Yeah.
No, this is.

Speaker 1 I don't know if I love this. I get the point that you don't want to screw up late game stuff, but I'm firmly.
They already do the so much stoppage. I don't get it.
Right.

Speaker 1 And I'm firmly in the stance that everyone who wants more replay and more challenges, what you're going to do is you're going to get a world where we can't complain about anything.

Speaker 1 And watching sports is half of it is winning, and the other half is saying why your team didn't lose, they got screwed. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so, if you can't say you got screwed because they get everything perfect, then you know what? We might as well just not have a conversation anymore. What are you going to be allowed to challenge?

Speaker 1 Can you, I'm assuming, like a three-point shot, whether it's a two or a three? Yeah,

Speaker 1 goaltending.

Speaker 1 Like, wait, what is it? Under how many minutes? Because under two minutes, I think they already do that. Right.
So, is it just any time in the game? It just says, I didn't dig too much into it.

Speaker 1 I'm just reading one tweet from Shams. That's okay.

Speaker 1 But yeah, it doesn't say. Okay.
So

Speaker 1 I'm guessing they do so much under two minutes. It's got to be just like.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's got to be fouls first and the rest of the game. Yeah.
Okay. If I feel like fouls, you shouldn't be able to do fouls.
I mean, it's kind of like

Speaker 1 NFL. Like, you can't challenge.
Personal foul charged to a coach's team, a called out of bounds violation, and goaltending and basket interference violations. So a personal foul,

Speaker 1 you can challenge a personal foul if it's like a block or a charge. Just have Rex Chapman do a Twitter poll.
Oh, Woge is already doing the Board of Governors approved replace it.

Speaker 1 Is that something different, or is he saying board of owners? Yes, no, board of owners. Stephen A.
Smith did out a great report on a KA. Yeah, I can't keep track of all this stuff.

Speaker 1 I mean, am I crazy to be like, hey, they don't own the players, they own the team? Right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's insane. Whatever.
Okay.

Speaker 1 That's it. That's it.
All right. Pitsy, what you got my next?

Speaker 1 Yeah, there you go, Hank. My first hot seat is men.

Speaker 1 I've got a big hot seat for men. Us? Guys, boys, because there was a gender reveal party in Australia.
Did you guys see that?

Speaker 1 And the car exploded after revealing, it drove over a canister of powder and smoke, and the car exploded and caught fire after it was revealed that it was a boy. What? Yeah.
Wait, wait. Say it again.

Speaker 1 So there's a gender reveal party in Australia

Speaker 1 or Chile. And the gender reveal was set up so that a car would drive over a canister that would emit smoke and powder.
Okay. And it did.
It was a huge blue cloud, but it also caught the car on fire.

Speaker 1 And killed someone. I don't think it killed anybody.
Oh, that was. It was a boy.

Speaker 1 It was the first case of toxic masculinity in that little boy's life. Shit.
Actually, if a car explodes during a gender reveal, that just means it's going to be Kennedy. Yeah, pretty much.

Speaker 1 That's what I mean. Congrats.
You got a little teddy. Wipe it off the record.
You got a little

Speaker 1 teddy.

Speaker 1 My other hot seat is Internet Trolls. Yeah? Whoa.
Because

Speaker 1 The Mooch,

Speaker 1 longtime award-winning watcher of part of my take, unfollowed just about everyone. So he was like a big Joey Bats guy.
No. Check and see if you made the cut.
Did we? I made the cut.

Speaker 1 Okay, I made the cut. Okay, so I feel

Speaker 1 like Mooch Purge. He unfollowed probably like 300,000 people in the last week or so.
Savvy, Savvy Mooch.

Speaker 1 I still feel honored because I've got a direct line to the guy that's got a direct line to the guy that's got a direct line to Fox and Friends. So I'm still very influential right now.

Speaker 1 I think Mooch has the most photoshopped avatar of all time. Look at that.
Pretty much right now.

Speaker 1 Pretty much. So he unfollowed so many people.
I don't know. I want to know what the process was like because you have to go through and do you think he unfollowed everyone and then refollowed?

Speaker 1 There's probably an app for that, right? Yeah. And my cool throne is internet trolls.
Okay. Also, Schroeder's trolls.

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 1 a court just ruled today that the president can't block you on Twitter. So Trump has to unblock everybody that he has blocked.

Speaker 1 That sucks for the people who are like in their bio are like blocked by Trump. Blocked by Trump.
Check it out. Blocked by Trump on July 14th, 2017.

Speaker 1 Awesome. My other cool throne is the climate.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Because a metal straw, one of those metal straws that we all love so much, killed a British woman who fell on one and it impaled her eye

Speaker 1 it went through her eye into her brain and she died because she was using a reusable straw this is how algorithm is fixing the climate just by killing off everybody that's emitting carbon it's it's great because there's definitely gonna be people like there will definitely be people like okay so what's more important all the sea turtles in the world or one woman's life yeah you know well now you're making a good case and you know what's fucked up is i guarantee you won't see a sea turtle like campaigning to make a big change with the way they do anything to try to save our lives nope when was was the last time a sea turtle ever tried to take you out of like a

Speaker 1 swirling rainstorm and a flash flood and rescue you to safety? Never happens. That happens a lot too.
Never happens. It used to happen all the time in Disney movies.
Yeah. Hank, what do you got?

Speaker 1 If we're in the trust tree, I read a report about how California is going to get absolutely like fucked with an earthquake soon. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Especially all the Pacific Northwest. The whole fucking thing is going to fall in the ocean.
Yeah. Maybe not want to move there.
Yeah. Oh.
Yeah. Well, I think actually Sacramento might be okay.

Speaker 1 We get inland. Okay.
So we can do that. We can definitely get to Sucktown.
Sure.

Speaker 1 What you do is you squat out on some desert land that'll eventually become a beach. Mm-hmm.
Okay, right up to the edge there. So you're off California.

Speaker 1 Just till the big one happens. Oh, so

Speaker 1 then we'll go squat on some land. Okay.
We'll just go out to the zombie apocalypse out there. Joshua Tree, we're coming for you.
Hopefully, the Inn and Outs will still be there, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, at least one. Man.
Not the lives, but the In-N-Outs.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 What really matters. Okay.
My hot seats is

Speaker 1 the summer league, the rest of the summer league, except Cameron Payne, who is in the summer league, and he's just finished his fourth year in the NBA. He is competing in the summer league.

Speaker 1 I fucking love this. I thought he was only allowed to do three years.

Speaker 1 Dude, when I saw the tweet saying Campaign dropped 32 points last night in the summer league, I thought it was a tweet from like three years ago that someone was doing to fuck with everyone.

Speaker 1 No, he is playing in the summer league this year. I'll be honest with you, my brain right now is just trying to think of a campaign finance reform show.
Yeah, so he's in there. I'll get there.

Speaker 1 Okay, but he's in it. He's playing in the summer league

Speaker 1 after his fourth full season in the NBA. It's incredible.
I love this. I hope he leans into it.
I hope he plays like 20 years in the summer league.

Speaker 1 I hope he plays past when he retires from the NBA, and he keeps showing up for the summer league. Yeah, it's kind of a red flag if your players don't want to play in the summer league.

Speaker 1 It's like, oh, you hate basketball. You don't want to get better? Not campaign.
Nope. No, he's going to show up.

Speaker 1 I'm surprised Lamar Odom isn't just showing up to summer league games, just being like, hey, I'm good. He's in a big three minutes.
I think he wants to come make a comeback.

Speaker 1 Just let me hang out in Vegas for a week. I love when, like, Amari Stodemire was like, I'm going to have a comeback in the NBA.
Well, wine is back in the NBA. Hey, why don't you let Sam Decker

Speaker 1 get signed first? Then you get in line. Decker watch 2019.
That's our mention. Everyone's talking about it.
We have to talk about it every single show. Decker watch.

Speaker 1 Let's get everyone buzzing about it. All right, my cool throne is everyone who is waiting to hear who wins Blake of the Year.
Because yes, the Takeies are coming on Friday.

Speaker 1 Friday, the Takeys are here. We will have all the awards from this past year.
It's better than the SPs. All the important awards.

Speaker 1 What are some of the, just throw out a couple of the awards that we have listed, Hank. But we are, as of right now, we do not know who won Blake of the Year.
As of this taping,

Speaker 1 the rules are simple.

Speaker 1 We have contacted Blake Griffin, Blake Bortles, and Blake Kepka and told them they will receive a phone call at any point this week. The person to pick up the phone fastest will win Blake of the Year.

Speaker 1 I'm very excited about it. Year of our year, Lib of the Year, Blake of the Year, 19-year-old of the year.

Speaker 1 What are some of the new ones? Bad take of the year. These are some of the ones from last year.
Preemptive Take of the Year. We had a couple new ones.
We have a couple new ones, but they're not

Speaker 1 characterized. So I don't want to say them because it's like the answer.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Hand job of the year. Steve Nay Smith take of the year.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Now you're just giving away jokes. We just ruined that.
Yeah, yeah. Okay, but anyway, tune in.
We have a great show coming on Friday.

Speaker 1 Actually, this is serious. We're going to have so many more celebrity guests that are going to be hosting the Takies this year.
Yes. It's going to be incredible.
You're not going to believe it.

Speaker 1 Most star-studded show of all time. Star-studded, for sure.
Star-studded.

Speaker 1 Okay. Well, let's do Dan Heron here and Hank.
But first, yeah.

Speaker 1 Mercks. Mercks.
Mercks. Merx is a movie.
I'm going to talk drinks now. Sorry.

Speaker 1 It's okay, PFT. I just want to make sure that we're delivering

Speaker 1 all the ad reads.

Speaker 1 Please, Bighead, I'm trying to do an ad. One thing before we go to the next one.
I'm trying to do an ad, Bighead. Come on.
One thing. Jeez.

Speaker 1 Why did you only say it was me that did the bet in the start of the show and not PFT?

Speaker 1 I'm trying to do an ad, please. Very confused.
It was Merced.

Speaker 1 When PFT was actually the one who was most vocal about that.

Speaker 1 I feel left out. I did too.
I felt left out for you. Bighead, you sound mad.
Can I please?

Speaker 1 What? I don't sound mad. I'm just very confused.
Your anger was just at me.

Speaker 1 I was just very excited, and I was like, so I was trying to get to the point where I plugged my Instagram at Henry Lockwood1. Let me know how I did on these ad reads.

Speaker 1 And that I just kind of skipped over the beginning. Like I forgot to mention.

Speaker 1 I forgot to mention the Hot Sea, Cool Throne, Mount Rushmore of

Speaker 1 Chili Football. So that's on me.
Okay. Hand up.
Next time won't happen. Anyway, Mercks.
Mercks is a Midwestern favorite premium cheese spread. This new on-the-go format is the first of its kind.

Speaker 1 It allows cheese lovers to bring their go-to snack all over their go-to places, like the big game, an improv to party, or a laid-back boat trip wherever whenever it's always better with mercs mini cheese spreads hank what's your favorite place to eat cheese

Speaker 1 uh i like to eat cheese probably on the beach um sometimes i like to eat

Speaker 1 jumping off a cliff jumping off a cliff but the great thing with mercs it allows you to bring your own classic mercs flavors wherever a game a tailgate party backyard or even your couch for big bold taste whenever the mood hits you try mercks mini cheese spreads it comes in two bold flavors for whatever you're craving craving.

Speaker 1 Sharp shedder for a bold classic taste and port wine like PFT. Or when you want a deliciously bold flavor of port wine and cheese blended together like Big Cat.

Speaker 1 I'm a port wine guy. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
Cheese. Dan Heron.
And now, Dan Heron.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on one of our favorite longtime recurring guests.

Speaker 1 I think you actually were on the show in the first few months of the show. It is former flamethrower Dan Heron, future Hall of Famer.

Speaker 1 Dan, we're going to talk about baseball, but I want to, before we do that, you are a die-hard Lakers fan. You have two Laker flags that you fly on your truck every single day.

Speaker 1 Tell me how mad you are at Kawhi.

Speaker 2 First of all, I live in California. I don't drive a truck.
I drive a Tesla. Come on.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow. Okay.
What kind?

Speaker 2 The Model S.

Speaker 1 Is that better or worse than Blake's? I just need to know in terms of my power rankings of guest Teslas. What was the sticker price? I don't know.
It depends on

Speaker 2 what model he, like, what batteries he has.

Speaker 2 Mine was the fastest one, but it's

Speaker 1 a little bit older. Okay.
I've had it for a few years. Did you also buy it because you were trying to quit dip and not go to gas stations anymore?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 That was why Blake brought his.

Speaker 1 No. Oh, that's great.
One last Tesla question. Have you seen the porn where they film it inside a Tesla that's driving down the highway? No, I haven't.
It's pretty cool. You should check it out.

Speaker 1 Okay, so your Tesla has the Laker flags on it. Sorry, I should have said that.

Speaker 1 So tell us what your thoughts. Laker Nation has had a bad showing in the last couple of weeks.
I'm sure you have a million burner accounts that you were tweeting at Woge angrily.

Speaker 1 Where are you at right now with the 2019-20 Lakers?

Speaker 2 Well, I think the Clippers are better.

Speaker 2 I wanted them to get a knockdown shooter to go along with those two guys.

Speaker 2 I was thinking like J.J. Reddick, somebody like that.

Speaker 2 You know, when they struck out on Kawhi, it's just they got a bunch of kind of filler pieces. I mean, I guess they're a little deeper maybe than the Clippers, but

Speaker 2 I don't know. I mean, it's Anthony Davis' team.

Speaker 1 Ooh. LeBron.

Speaker 2 You know, I wasn't a huge fan of the whole LeBron thing in the first place.

Speaker 2 But he was all right.

Speaker 1 You're a Kobe guy.

Speaker 2 I mean, I'd rather have Kawhi than LeBron, obviously.

Speaker 1 yeah you're a Kobe guy though through and through so are you one of these Laker fans that's like I will never respect LeBron's greatness because I'm a Kobe guy it's not because that but I

Speaker 2 I was I was excited with the Lakers seemed like they were building something with the younger guys I know they all turned out to be kind of shit but

Speaker 2 you know it was kind of exciting to to have those guys and I I was thinking more of somebody else joining them not LeBron and then you know obviously it all went to hell last year and

Speaker 1 you know LeBron blames all those, all the younger guys, and then he shipped them all out. So

Speaker 1 have you have you ever been on a team like that? When you have one guy that kind of puts the blame on everyone else and takes all the credit when things go well,

Speaker 2 I have, I could, I could think of a few guys like that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you want to give me some initials?

Speaker 1 Christian Yellich? No.

Speaker 1 What do you do, though?

Speaker 1 Like, so I actually wanted to, I just sent you a couple of questions beforehand, and one of them was clubhouse and like 162 games, games and guys getting along what happens in the course of 162 games if the clubhouse isn't like everyone gets along do people just keep to themselves or do you have those closed door meetings like what was the the most intense closed door meeting you had

Speaker 1 um you know

Speaker 2 honestly it would be that team that i was on with yellich i think uh the the crappiest situation i was ever in was

Speaker 2 the manager got I was on two teams in the big leagues where the manager got fired and someone from the front office came to be the manager of the team.

Speaker 2 And when I was on the Marlins that year, it was 2015,

Speaker 2 the GM

Speaker 2 was made the manager after about a month and a half.

Speaker 1 And that was the worst I've ever seen a clubhouse just because we couldn't believe that the GM was our manager.

Speaker 2 I think at one point it was like we would, usually a team plays music when they win games. I think we would win a game and we would play like the circus music, like this,

Speaker 2 like that, in the clubhouse, because it was such a shit show.

Speaker 1 Now, is that

Speaker 1 digging deeper into that, like baseball players?

Speaker 1 I think you've touched on this before, but trusting analytics guys who maybe didn't play the game, how does that work on a day-to-day basis with a lot of players? Because

Speaker 1 that's a fascinating part of the growth and development of analytics, how much you can tell someone, like, hey, do this differently, even though they didn't play the game?

Speaker 2 I think people were opposed to it at first, and then guys realized how much it works. And, you know, it's kind of

Speaker 2 what's good about my job is that I kind of do analytics type stuff, but I can relate to the players somewhat. So, you know, I think that there's value in that.
But, I mean,

Speaker 1 when it first came...

Speaker 1 When analytics was first a thing, guys didn't want to buy it.

Speaker 2 And now they see how much it works. And you could just see

Speaker 2 people trying to get launch angle and the way teams defend now, you know, it's made things a lot different.

Speaker 1 Was there anything in particular, like while you were still pitching, where there was some stat that somebody came up to you and showed you that you were maybe like hesitant to adapt to or whatever, but one that when you kind of changed a little bit of something that you were doing to kind of play to that

Speaker 1 piece of analytics a little bit, that really helped you out?

Speaker 2 I would say there was nothing specific.

Speaker 2 When I was on the Dodgers, though,

Speaker 2 they really were good at

Speaker 2 just putting together game plans. That's kind of how I started doing what I do.
And

Speaker 2 really, a bunch of guys there taught me how to break down hitters, whether it's like Grankie and the pitching coach, A.J.

Speaker 2 Ellis, Kershaw was good at it, and those guys helped me out and kind of extended my career a little bit when I was

Speaker 1 pretty shitty at the end.

Speaker 1 So the hot topic in baseball right now is juiced baseball. Are you a juiced baseball truther? Do you think there's something different?

Speaker 2 Well, there's absolutely, I mean, there's something different. I don't think any, I mean, Manfred's the only guy that's denying this, but I mean, they're on pace, record pace for homers.

Speaker 2 They use the minor leagues, the major league baseball in AAA, and there's been like twice as many home runs.

Speaker 2 There's no doubt. I mean, it's juiced.
I just, I can't believe they keep denying it. I mean, maybe they didn't intentionally do it, but

Speaker 1 they're definitely juiced. Right.
I feel like that's what it is. It's not intentional.
Like, no one said, hey, go juice the baseballs.

Speaker 1 But over time, something has changed where it's become like incredible what's going on.

Speaker 1 Now, as a pit, like, as a pitcher and a guy who still deals with pitchers every day, like, what do you, what do you do for that? I mean, you just say, well, this kind of sucks.

Speaker 1 Like, we have no chance?

Speaker 1 I don't say that.

Speaker 1 You should try.

Speaker 2 No, I mean, I try to give the, you know, I try to give the pitchers the best

Speaker 2 chance to

Speaker 2 limit slugging percentages and keep the ball in the yard, that's for sure. But I mean, it's hard.
I mean, in Arizona, we have a humidor, and it's made a little bit of a difference. But

Speaker 1 home runs are up all around.

Speaker 2 I mean, Verlander was talking yesterday about how the balls are juiced. I mean, he's starting the All-Star game, but he's given up a ton of home runs, too.

Speaker 2 So, you know, a lot of guys around the league are on pace to break their personal record in homers. So, to deny the juice baseball would be pretty stupid.

Speaker 1 So how do you um how do you teach your guys to counteract that? Because everyone's trying to hit home runs now. That's like the swings are going upward.
It's all about the launch angle.

Speaker 1 What do you tell your pitchers? Like, hey, they're going to try to tee off on you. Here's how you kind of get around that or pitch to their weakness.

Speaker 1 Well, that's what we do.

Speaker 2 I mean, I try to I mean, uh the best pitchers in baseball can pitch to a hitter's weakness. Um so we're, you know,

Speaker 2 that's what I try to get across. But I mean, it's one thing to tell guys, and another the the hard thing is executing the pitch because most guys don't have

Speaker 2 you know great command but the the best of the best have the you know have the good have great command and can

Speaker 1 you know harness the game plan there's no difference between control and command that's something you gotta say if you want to be like a baseball guy that's true did you get a pair of glasses when you got this new job too like to try to look like Greg Maddox because he always looked like I feel like umpires were more likely to give him a strike if it was on the corner because they knew he wore glasses they're like this guy's smart

Speaker 1 no I don't wear glasses that's

Speaker 1 I haven't gotten a pair of glasses, but

Speaker 2 the job has been all right. You know, this is my third year doing it.

Speaker 2 You know, there's only so much you can sit around the house. And, you know, when

Speaker 2 even right now,

Speaker 2 and thanks for having me on on the worst sports day of the year, by the way, Tom.

Speaker 1 During the ultra break. The Espes are tonight.
Yeah. Come on, man.
Huge day.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I know, and I wanted to ask you, too, speaking of juice balls, how is it being a dad, big cat?

Speaker 1 Oh, it's good. It's good.
I mean, the dad life is definitely different.

Speaker 1 That was actually the first time I was able to use it in a text message. I texted Dan yesterday, and we got our times crossed, and he's like, I'm with my kids now.

Speaker 1 And I just replied, as a father, I understand.

Speaker 1 So I totally get it.

Speaker 1 I know. It's hard.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 How are your pugs doing?

Speaker 1 Oh, man.

Speaker 1 My old pug, he's 14.

Speaker 2 He's had a couple.

Speaker 2 He's had two instances in the past month where I think he's having seizures and he starts laying down and like running in place, but he's laying down and he empties his bladder out and starts shitting.

Speaker 1 God damn it.

Speaker 2 And then like five minutes later, he'll just bounce back.

Speaker 1 It'll be totally fine. Just get just get a high.
What do you guys at? He's just having a good time. Having a sweet dream.

Speaker 2 And the other one I got was actually I adopted him when I was playing for the Cubs. I took him home and

Speaker 1 he's crazy.

Speaker 2 I mean,

Speaker 2 he's not a very good dog either.

Speaker 1 But but he's a good-looking dog. How many pieces of clothing or coffee mugs do you have with pugs on them?

Speaker 2 I could think of a few.

Speaker 1 One coffee mug for shirt.

Speaker 1 Of course. Of course.

Speaker 2 And I have the

Speaker 1 pugs, not drugs shirts or some urban outfitters. Yep.
What about a pug? You have a pug life shirt, maybe?

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 I had that a while back, and no, that one got donated to Salvation Army.

Speaker 1 What about uh, what the pug are you looking at? Oh, that's a good one.

Speaker 2 No, I don't have that one. No bumper stickers.

Speaker 1 Uh, you don't have like the stick figure family with like two little pugs at the end of it.

Speaker 2 That's next level.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that is next level. Power user pug owner.
Yeah, um, all right, so I, you're a baseball guy, we're baseball guys. I just said there's a difference between command and control.

Speaker 1 We know what that means, but to other people, explain what that means.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. I guess

Speaker 2 command.

Speaker 1 I don't really know what that means, though.

Speaker 2 I'd be lying to you if I told you what that means.

Speaker 1 Neither do we. So it's just something people say.
Command is where you tell the ball to go. Control is

Speaker 1 where you want the ball to go. I always thought control was like you won't just start throwing like Rick Ankeel into the backstop.
Command is like, ooh, I can paint the corners here.

Speaker 2 I mean, I would assume most people at the big league level would have control then.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But command.

Speaker 2 I mean, I guess they're you know what? Control would be throwing strikes. Maybe command is

Speaker 2 being able to throw quality strikes, like put it on the corner, maybe.

Speaker 1 Nice. Quality strikes.
That's a good one. Have you ever been in a game delayed by bees?

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 1 What's that like? Whoa.

Speaker 1 Are you afraid that you're going to get stung?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 2 I'm not allergic or anything, so it's no big deal. I think the game was in San Diego,

Speaker 2 and there was like a beehive in the outfield or something, or a swarm of bees in the outfield.

Speaker 2 But no,

Speaker 2 I'm not afraid of bees. I've been stung by a worse thing than bees.

Speaker 1 So, when you wrote the whole story when you retired, about

Speaker 1 every day that you got the ball, you would wake up, you'd have to take a modium, you were worried about the wind, all these things.

Speaker 1 Did you watch the London series and have any like, holy shit, if I was pitching here, this would be the worst experience of my life?

Speaker 1 I did watch some of that.

Speaker 2 I mean, there's been a lot of games this year

Speaker 2 where I thought this would be the worst experience of my life. It's like, you know,

Speaker 2 even doing these, you know, game plans for, say, the Diamondbacks are going into Colorado. It's like, I could send in these game plans.
Here's how you should pitch these guys. But I've sure,

Speaker 2 thank God I don't have to pitch against them because

Speaker 2 I mean, I couldn't imagine.

Speaker 2 I mean, the thing is, the type of pitcher that I was is just completely gone now like there's there's not too many guys I mean there's a few like crafty lefties but very few crafty righties I was one of the last crafty righties that's for sure so so explain to the people then how Kyle Hendrix continues to be awesome because he's like he doesn't top off

Speaker 2 a really good sinker and a great changeup so I my fastball had little to no movement

Speaker 2 so I had to put it exactly where I wanted it. So, I mean, that's why Kyle Henderson's good, because it stinkers nasty.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Who do you think is the most giftable pitcher in the game today?

Speaker 1 Good question. The most giftable? Yeah, yeah.
Really get to the gift spot.

Speaker 1 Oh, man.

Speaker 2 That's a tough one. Why didn't you text me this question last night?

Speaker 1 I just thought of it right now. I just thought of it.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Max Scherzer? Giffable pitcher?

Speaker 1 Like the nastiest.

Speaker 2 Have you guys ever had Scherzer on?

Speaker 1 You should have Scherzer. Yeah, we have.
We have. I asked him if Bryce Harper was listening.

Speaker 1 He thought Bryce Harper was a bitch, and he was like, no, he's my teammate. Wait, wait.
So when we say giftable, we're talking about like pitching ninja, movement, and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 So who has the nastiest movement? Ooh.

Speaker 1 You know, Strowman's got a really good sinker.

Speaker 1 He's one of my, yeah, I like his sinker a lot.

Speaker 1 But yeah, this guy's really going to move the ball around. Otto Vino, I think, with the Yankees, got a really good slider that moves crazy.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I think he's curveball, too. You know, he throws the Ephesus.
Yeah. Oh, the Ephesus is awesome.
What is an Ephesus pitch? It's just a pitch that you don't know how to describe.

Speaker 1 Bruce Ravenscroft threw the Ephes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think

Speaker 2 if curveball is below 70 miles an hour, they just

Speaker 2 categorize it as an Ephesus.

Speaker 1 Oh, I could throw an Ephesus then. Yeah.
Every pitch. Your fastball would be an Ephesus.
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 Did you see the Joe Madden versus Joe West little spin move thing? Did you ever have any run-ins with Joe West?

Speaker 2 I mean, I never got tossed by by Joe West but you know he's always he he likes to get into the action he likes to get on TV

Speaker 2 but it was a hell of a block technique by

Speaker 2 Joe West I mean he's got the good center of gravity he

Speaker 1 and you know he's kind of he wasn't phased by the spin move no the lateral quickness

Speaker 1 that you can study on film you sink your hips no you explode

Speaker 7 no it's natural it's all natural the gully it's tough to get around his neck yeah man i'll tell you what when you're hungry out there you start acting like a rookie quarterback in his first game, making bad decisions, messing up the basics, being all out of sorts.

Speaker 7 That's where Snickers comes in, man. That thing is packed.
Roasted peanuts, nugget, caramel, milk chocolate. It's like the MVP of candy bars.

Speaker 7 And when you bite into it, boom, it sorts you out, gets your head back in the game of life, satisfying your hunger. Remember this: Snickers handles your hunger so you can handle everything else.

Speaker 7 Snickers satisfies, man. That's a winning play.

Speaker 1 In 2016, your first time on this show, it was right around this time in 2016. You correctly predicted Cubs versus Indians in the World Series.

Speaker 1 Do you want to give us a World Series prediction right now that you can be correct about?

Speaker 2 Didn't you? I think you asked me this last year.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, you can't. Fuck.
Oh, you have to say Diamondbacks.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I have to say the Diamondbacks, yes.

Speaker 1 Okay. Against.
Against

Speaker 1 the Yankees. Okay.
Okay. The Yankees.
Little throwback to what was that 2001? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Was that the market? No, yeah, that was. Yes, yes.
Do you think Kershaw is still not clutch? Your good friend Clayton Kershaw?

Speaker 2 Did he ever come on the show?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 I asked you many times. We were trying to get him on the show.
Yeah, and you, well, no, hold on, hold on, back up.

Speaker 1 I asked you, and you didn't try.

Speaker 2 I didn't try. I told you that I asked him, but I never asked him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I know. Of course.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 2 That's a great way to get out of something, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, it's a great excuse. No, I did it.
And then you actually didn't do it. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And you're not going to get me to say anything bad about Clerch.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to do it.

Speaker 1 So, Dan, we have done the Mount Rushmore of Unwritten Baseball rules. Tell us a couple of your favorite that you just like, you know, whether it be no bunting on a perfect game or no bat flips.

Speaker 1 What do you love and what do you hate about the unwritten rules of baseball?

Speaker 1 Let's see.

Speaker 2 I mean, of the unwritten rules that I would abide by,

Speaker 2 I didn't step on the line, you know, when you crossed over to the mound. That's a classic one.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 1 Let's see.

Speaker 2 You know, one that I had,

Speaker 2 back in the day, you'd have to throw the pitcher, like the opposing pitcher, fastballs, but I was never

Speaker 2 big on that. And now no pitcher gets fastballs.
But, you know, I wouldn't, I didn't love that. I mean, mean, there's so, there's just, there's so many.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 Which ones do you guys like?

Speaker 1 I just like the one where the pitcher goes up to bat and he's wearing the warm-up jacket. Yeah, that's always a good look.

Speaker 1 I seriously don't give a fuck. Yeah, no stealing when you're up big late,

Speaker 1 which I always laugh at because that's the prime-time big guy stealing phase. Where like, you know, that's when like Rizzo will rip a bag off and you're just like, fuck yes, this is great.

Speaker 1 Are you serious, though?

Speaker 1 It was an unwritten rule that you would get only fastballs when you were up?

Speaker 2 I mean, so like if I was hitting against the, if I was hitting and the pitcher threw me a first-pitch fastball, I would throw him a first-pitch fastball.

Speaker 1 I love that. Like a little honor code.
That's awesome. Yeah.
Do on to others. That's nice.

Speaker 1 But then would it be against the code to swing at that first-pitch fastball? No, absolutely not. You let it fly.

Speaker 1 Did you ever give up a home run to an opposing pitcher? Never.

Speaker 1 That's nice. Are you sure? You've hit a home run, I know.
I don't think so. You hit a home run, right? I hit two.
I hit one off Chris Carpenter and one off Bronson Arroyo.

Speaker 1 What's your mindset when you get that?

Speaker 1 Because I know you probably don't want to show up the other pitcher because you are a pitcher and you probably don't like it if somebody throws a bat 10 feet up in the air.

Speaker 1 But you have to be really excited in the moment. So

Speaker 1 how did you react when you hit those dingers?

Speaker 2 I was really excited, especially the one off Chris Carpenter, just because I came up as a rookie and he was one of the veteran guys, and

Speaker 2 it felt good felt good to get him and it it's hard because you when a pitcher hits a home run or at least when I hit him I didn't know it was gone for sure so I was running out of the box so it's not nearly as cool as like if I hit it and just stood up on it right right the hey did you ever get hit by a pitch I'm sure you did

Speaker 2 I did I got hit I I got hit when I was

Speaker 2 a few times but one time I got hit when I was on the Cardinals

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 a bench clearing thing happened because I got hit by Matt Clement.

Speaker 2 Yep.

Speaker 1 And then when I came out on the mound, I hit Matt Clement.

Speaker 2 And then the benches cleared. It was pretty great.

Speaker 1 Matt Clement all-time facial hair. Did you get to throw any punches?

Speaker 2 I did not.

Speaker 2 I've only been in, like, I've been in a few brawls. The only bad ones I was ever in was in the minor leagues.

Speaker 1 So what happened there?

Speaker 2 So what happened there was actually, so

Speaker 2 Joe, we were in, I was in Aval Quad Cities. Joe Maurer got trucked by one of our guys.
I think it was Chris Duncan. And then Chris Duncan came up to bat and they started

Speaker 2 talking, benches cleared.

Speaker 2 So everyone was out on a ho, like, by the pitcher's mound, and I was talking a lot of shit because I didn't think that there would be a fight.

Speaker 2 And then a fight broke out, and I had talked a lot of shit, like, while everyone was arguing, and I got dropped by, I don't know who it was.

Speaker 2 I didn't even see the punch come in, broke my nose. I fell down, bleeding everywhere.
I had to walk off the field like a jackass. Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 I'm looking at this right now. I remember this because this is the classic, like, when Dusty Baker and Tony LaRusa would just hate each other in this.

Speaker 2 If you look it up on YouTube, you can find it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, I'm looking up right now. Matt Clement, I fucking love, I love Matt Clement's fucking facial hair.
He had just the bushiest,

Speaker 1 the bushiest chin, just mustache, whatever you call it. Jay Buner said, yeah, it was just a huge bush at the end of his chin.

Speaker 1 It's like Animal from the Muppets was trying to grow out of the bottom of his head. That doesn't play today.

Speaker 1 That's very much a late 90s, early aughts look for a pitcher. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Bonus points if it's just bright red, too. Yeah.
Like a big target. Did you ever work on pretending that you didn't mean to hit somebody after you hit them with a pitch?

Speaker 1 I never worked on that.

Speaker 2 I'm trying to think if there was anyone. I mean, I hit quite a few guys on purpose, but uh most of the time they knew it was on purpose, but no one ever charged them out on me.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're such an intimidating. So intimidating.
God damn it.

Speaker 1 What was your move that you would do like after you hit somebody on purpose? Was it like hang the head, turn around?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Or look at the dirt.

Speaker 2 You know, like I slipped a little bit.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Damn.
This is damn. Or like look at my hand.
Like my hand is wet. It's humid outside.
Well, that's a good one, too. Yeah.
Sweaty palms. Gosh, this is a fucking blast on the pet.

Speaker 1 This is fucking so long ago. I'm looking at the YouTube right now.
I love it. I love it.
It's a good podcast. It's invigorating for the listeners.

Speaker 1 All right. Any other questions for us, Dan? I know you're always self-conscious and you think that you don't do well, but you fucking crush it and people love you stuff.

Speaker 1 I appreciate it. No, I got no questions for you guys.
Thanks for having me on.

Speaker 1 You know, wish you the best in fatherdom.

Speaker 1 You don't even listen anymore, dude. I don't.
I honestly, I haven't listened in a year. What the fuck? fuck? Come on, man.
What happened?

Speaker 2 I like the Mount Rushmores.

Speaker 1 What do we do? You know, I don't know, man. What do you listen to now?

Speaker 1 We'll beat this up.

Speaker 2 Bill Simmons. Oh, God.

Speaker 1 Jay Mariotti. Yeah.
Jay Moore. Yeah.
Yeah. Jim Rome.
Yeah. You're big time.
Jim Rome and I, we work out together, Jim Rome. Okay, really? Tell us more about that.
So, do you go to his private gym?

Speaker 1 Yes. we go to our private gym in our community.
He's a big elliptical guy. Oh, huge.

Speaker 2 But he kills it. He will kill it on the elliptical.

Speaker 1 Really? Like, I'll get in.

Speaker 2 He will have been on the elliptical for a while. I'll get in.
Like, he's sweating already when I get to the gym. I'll do a workout, do some cardio, and I leave, and he's still on the elliptical.

Speaker 1 First one in. Last one out.

Speaker 1 Got the sweat going. Wait, do you still get your shots up? Do you get in that in the basketball gym? How's your jumper looking these days? It's not good.

Speaker 1 what i was supposed to have my hip replaced in october and i chickened out uh how old are you jesus christ dude yeah i know it it's been a it's been a whirlwind few months for me i was supposed to have it done in october and i chickened out um

Speaker 2 and then i went to the dentist for the first time in ten years

Speaker 2 and this was because i was so scared of the dentist and turns out i have to have like a gum graft and root canals and all this and so i had surgery set up for July 17th.

Speaker 2 I was supposed to go under for five hours. And I just got back from vacation in Mexico and I canceled because I don't want to do it.

Speaker 1 No, come on, Dan. You have to go, dude.
We need you around.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can't get an infection in your mouth. What made you decide to go to the dentist? Was it hurting? Did things just get too bad?

Speaker 2 I saw my gum line receding in the back where I have a couple crowns, and

Speaker 2 I was concerned. And I went in, and the news wasn't good.

Speaker 1 So what are you going to do? I've done this with root canals before. I once went in and

Speaker 1 I was supposed to get two root canals in the back, and I got one, and I just said, no, Moss, I'll come back for the other one. And I waited like six months, and it got even worse.
So don't do this.

Speaker 1 You got to do it, man.

Speaker 2 Eventually, I'll man up, but it was funny because every time you get a physical in baseball, you see the dentist and they're like, oh, you have cavities.

Speaker 2 Then the next year, they'd be like, oh, you have cavities.

Speaker 1 I'll be like, okay, okay, okay. And then I retired, so I didn't have to go to the dentist.

Speaker 2 And then I noticed that I'm losing my gums on one of the sides. So I'm like, oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 Jesus. What are you eating? I don't even dip.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Jesus.

Speaker 1 That's so weird that part of a physical for baseball is they send you to the dentist. What else do they check? Because guys dip.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and they want to know if they're getting a guy that's

Speaker 1 got gum disease? Yeah, that's smart. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Fuck, man.

Speaker 1 You got to get to the. We need you healthy.
What are you doing?

Speaker 2 It's the dentist. I'll be okay.
Don't worry.

Speaker 1 Doesn't sound like it. You got a receding gumlock.
It doesn't sound like a dead thing. All right.
Last question for me, the most important question. When are you going to get back to tweeting?

Speaker 1 Because I see you on Twitter. You're liking things.
You're active, but you don't tweet.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 2 It's hard because it's almost

Speaker 2 like a situation where I've waited so long.

Speaker 2 There's so much build-up now to my tweet being good that I'm stressed out about that too.

Speaker 2 I don't I'm saying can I be can I be honest with you like a hundred times a day It doesn't matter if your tweets are shitty, but if you tweet once a year like it better be fucking good. That's true

Speaker 1 like there's not yeah, do you think people are waiting for the next Dan Heron tweet like I am I mean not of course not but I know I've

Speaker 2 like I go on Twitter and I I do like things and I notice I I keep losing followers, so I understand that. But

Speaker 2 I mean, I don't know.

Speaker 2 I really want to do it. Plus, I have a real job, so I can't

Speaker 2 comment too much, whether it be on

Speaker 2 serious shit like politics or religion.

Speaker 1 Oh, what are your thoughts on those?

Speaker 1 You're going to vote for Trump again?

Speaker 2 No, I'm anti-Trump. I'm anti-Trump and anti-religion, man.
Come on.

Speaker 1 There you go. Those are two spots to be in.
I'm putting on, I just put on notifications for you. How about this? I'm waiting.
How about you tweet out this episode of Part of My Take Tomorrow?

Speaker 1 And then everybody reinforce Dan and tell him how great he is online. Yeah, everyone be like, Dan, this was a great tweet, man.

Speaker 1 I'll think of something.

Speaker 2 Maybe I'll tweet. I'll try to tweet

Speaker 2 before this comes out.

Speaker 1 Oh, wait.

Speaker 1 I know what it is. You're at 999 tweets.
Am I, really? Yes.

Speaker 1 So the thousands better be good, dude.

Speaker 1 Holy shit.

Speaker 1 This isn't good how much more pressure we just put on you. Notifications are on, and 999 tweets.
You got to just tweet.

Speaker 2 The problem is too, like, I don't do that much. Like, I just don't do anything.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? In life? I don't golf. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, I don't golf. I mean, my job, like, after this, I'm going to head down to Starbucks and do some work on my computer.
Like, that's it.

Speaker 2 And then, like, I'll start drinking.

Speaker 1 And then that's just

Speaker 1 not even what I'm going to watch tonight.

Speaker 2 There's nothing on.

Speaker 1 Well, the All-Star game. You can watch that.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 When is this thing coming out? What are we? Oh, this is coming out tomorrow. So, yeah, I guess Espes is what we would say to people.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. I don't know.

Speaker 2 Can you gamble on the Esps, right? You probably are.

Speaker 1 I'll take some bets on them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you probably are. I could probably figure out a way to gamble on the Esps.
There's Summer League, dude. Summer League's been awesome.
Are you gambling on the Summer League? Oh, fuck. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did you see that? The last night China was a 25.5 underdog against the Hornets. They won outright.

Speaker 1 I did not see that. Okay.
So, you're not paying attention.

Speaker 1 Well, there's also, like, there's a chance, the way that it's set up, there's a chance that they might make up the earthquake game by doing a coin flip to see who advances.

Speaker 1 Oh, that you're going to be able to bet on. Ooh, that would be awesome.
Tails, do you believe?

Speaker 1 I was in Mexico for the earthquake. Yeah.
Are you upset that you played a sport that didn't have a coin flip?

Speaker 1 No, I'm not.

Speaker 2 I mean, I don't think about that every day. No.

Speaker 1 It's the best part of the game. Best part of football.
Wait, are you a Rams fan?

Speaker 1 Not really.

Speaker 2 I mean, my parents grew up in New York, and I was raised a Jets fan.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's unfortunate. Damn.
It's been rough. Yeah, that sucks.
Sam Darnold, though. He'll be awesome.
USC. Southern Cowboy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, I think things are looking better.

Speaker 1 Okay. All right, Dan.
Will you crush this? We're waiting for your tweet. Please tweet tomorrow, please.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 Please?

Speaker 1 I'll tweet something. All right.
I promise. All right.
Well, thank you very much for coming on. It's always fun.
Always Always fun talking to you. And hopefully, we'll see you soon.

Speaker 1 We go to Southern California tonight. We just never see you because you're just like.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 you text me like when you're at the airport leaving.

Speaker 1 That's awful. I missed you.
Oh, that's like the Kershaw thing. I just did the Kershaw thing to you.
I actually have one last question I forgot to ask you. So you work for the Diamondbacks.

Speaker 1 When you tell people that you work for the D-BAX, do you make sure to say D-BAX and overemphasize the CK so they don't think you're saying D-bags?

Speaker 1 That was a good question.

Speaker 1 All right, Dan. Thanks so much, man.
We'll talk to you later.

Speaker 1 I'll see you.

Speaker 1 Thanks, man. That was awesome.

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Speaker 1 Okay, let's get to our segments and our Mount Rushmore. Hank, let's start with Bachelor Talk, Bachelorette Talk, for guys that don't watch a Bachelorette.
And I've been judging on just social media.

Speaker 1 Feels like things got spicy recently really everyone's been talking about luke p there was also he's been the talk he's been the talker the whole show this is well let's get into it i i didn't watch last night myself obviously here are the notes

Speaker 1 oh that was hey daddy cat that guy's on chicks okay uh hannah hannah visited luke p's family in georgia where he got up in front of everyone and talked about how after living a life of sin he found the lord while taking a shower in college you know what's really interesting about people that are that young that find the lord is they usually don't have anything that scary that keeps them away from God.

Speaker 1 It's like I used to swear a lot back in the day, and on there were a couple of days daddy told me to go outside and moat alone. I only did half the loan.

Speaker 1 The golf course I lived on got hit by lightning once.

Speaker 1 I was dark, man. I was in a dark place.
It's crazy. Lord, forgive me for my transgressions when I didn't screw the cap on the jelly all the way.
Was that Jerry Jones?

Speaker 1 That was Bros Perot. Shout out, Ross Perot.
You're dead. Dead guy.
R.I.P. Shout out.
You're dead. Legend.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But Luke P was the villain of the season, and apparently had a very nice family and a sweet sweet grandmother. So it's like all the haters of Luke P.
It's fuck.

Speaker 1 So he's like, oh, he's somewhere deep down. He's got a good upbringing and not a bad guy.
Yep. Okay.

Speaker 1 Hannah visited Jed's family in Tennessee. Jed's mom doesn't think Jed will propose to Hannah and Jed's sister told Hannah that she doesn't think it's a good idea for them to fall in love.

Speaker 1 Ooh, Jed's sister sounds like a real wet jacket. Wait, so he's Tennessee Jed? Yeah.
Got it. So Jeb's sister.
Deep cut. It's a Grateful Dead song.
Okay.

Speaker 1 So what were you going to say? Drug guy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Big time. To me, it sounds like

Speaker 1 Jed's sister is a big wet blanket. Like, she probably told him that she didn't want him to go on the show from the beginning.
Yeah. She's like, you're not going to go on that show.

Speaker 1 You'll make a fool of yourself. So she's trying to kneecap this whole thing before it even gets started.
It sounds to me like maybe she's in love with her brother. Mmm.
Tennessee. Wow.

Speaker 1 This is jaw-dropping. Hannah couldn't decide who to give the final rose to, Jed or Luke P.

Speaker 1 So she gave them both a rose

Speaker 1 which means Hannah will have four fantasy sweet dates instead of three she just wants to fly those are the dates where they have sex thank you for that trend yes thank you

Speaker 1 fantasies by hannah wait that's actually like you gotta you gotta test drive the car before you buy it yeah that's a really smart i feel like that's gotta be some type of like bachelor faux pas yeah no hannah just figured out a way to home run yeah letting the balls lay yeah yeah right exactly this is one of those things where you shouldn't do it but there's no specific rule rule saying that you can't do it.

Speaker 1 This is what we call a life hack. She just hacked the bachelorette by having more sex.
She was like, I realized that I could get more laid than other bachelorettes.

Speaker 1 As a sex-positive podcast, this is a great move. How many times? Honestly, though, with Hannah,

Speaker 1 I wouldn't be surprised if she goes over four.

Speaker 1 Oh, like by just having sex and being like, no, I don't like it. Yeah, like she'll end up like crying and just like not even...
No one will get a fantasy.

Speaker 1 Ah. God.
Well,

Speaker 1 she might have sex five times because Jed's sitter might be involved. Yeah, that's true.
That's a double team right there. All right, so who do you guys got?

Speaker 1 What are the names left? I'm going to go with P, Jed,

Speaker 1 Tennessee Jed. Those are the only two that were on the notes this week.
So

Speaker 1 I'm going to go with Tennessee. I'm going to go with Luke, the guy that found God because he cussed too much in eighth grade.
Okay. In the shower, too.
Remember, that's key. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 You know what? You find a lot of things in the shower that you weren't necessarily looking for. He stubbed his toe, and he cussed, and then he found God.

Speaker 1 Beautiful.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's do our Mount Rushmore. Mount Rushmore of positions.
Very open-ended. This is.
PFT. I think you're up first.
I am up first, yeah. And then Hank, then me.
We got it. Boys.
We got this.

Speaker 1 All right. That was actually the fact that we were able to do that.
Holy shit. We're finally on board.
Easy number one for me: lying down. Okay.

Speaker 1 Horizontal. Okay.
Chilling. You can do so many things when you're lying down.
It's very, perhaps the most versatile of positions.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Hank. That was my number one as well.
Whoa.

Speaker 1 It's a high seed.

Speaker 1 Fuck. Damn.
I'm just worried about, you know,

Speaker 1 what do you got? Not saying something and then worrying.

Speaker 1 It's like poker. It's like, I think if I don't say this, I'm going to get it back on the back end.
But if I, you know, if I don't get it, then I don't know. It's tough.
It's open-ended. It's tough.

Speaker 1 Ass-eating season.

Speaker 1 Doggy style. Okay.
Okay. Would you have taken that? Nope.
All right.

Speaker 1 I'm taking quarterback and reverse cowgirl. Okay.

Speaker 1 Interesting. Back to you.

Speaker 1 Prince. Reverse cowgirl more fun to watch than it is to do.

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, this is doing, watching, whatever you want to do. Yeah, I mean, my legs get tired.
But you can be your favorite position to watch. It also counts it.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 What was it? Prince? Prince. Prince.
Prince as a royal position. Being a prince, correct.
Being a prince. You don't have to do shit.
I know it kind of sucks, but. What?

Speaker 1 Because you probably have to pressure because your parents were related. No, no pressure.

Speaker 1 No pressure. You got all the money in the world.
There's pressure, dude. No, it's

Speaker 1 what are you talking about? The future. The country is going to follow you around all the time.
The king. The future you has to worry about.
You don't know your history.

Speaker 1 And if you fuck up, then somebody might name like a penis piercing after you later. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And if your dad's an asshole, and if your dad dies early, and then you become king early, you're going to basically fuck up because you're going to be a little shithead.

Speaker 1 Well, being the second in command, like, I forget which one.

Speaker 1 That's not a prince.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. So that's all.
Harry and what's the other guy? Harry,

Speaker 1 do you want to say firstborn prince or secondborn prince? Second, second. No, just just Prince.
Okay. Prince.
All right. Just the artist formerly known as Prince.
Yes, R.I.P.

Speaker 1 All right, PFT, you got two. My next one is going to be fullback.
Okay. Going fullback, the building blocks of life as a fullback.
And then number three, I'm going to go with

Speaker 1 girl on top. Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 That's a cousin of lying down. Yeah.
So is reverse cowgirl. Mm-hmm.
Yeah. I'm going to take sitting.
Sitting? Okay. Sitting.
That's a good one.

Speaker 1 What's your favorite thing to do while sitting, Hank? I got a lot left here.

Speaker 1 Wait, sitting? Okay, so then I'll... Okay.

Speaker 1 What's my favorite thing to do while sitting down? I don't know. Petting your cat.
Are you getting a haircut?

Speaker 1 That's kind of nice, I guess. I'll go with...
Okay, so I'll go with reclining. Reclining hasn't been taken.

Speaker 1 That's not a position. I had reclining too.
Yeah, that counts.

Speaker 1 How's lying down a position? Sitting's a position, but reclining is a position. Reclining plays.
Because that's 100% a position. It's like the

Speaker 1 nice middle ground, the Goldilocks zone between laying down and sitting.

Speaker 1 What is the face you're doing to me right now?

Speaker 1 How do you tell me that lying down is a position, sitting is a position, and reclining isn't? A good recline, you can do it in an office chair. You can do it in a lazy boy.

Speaker 1 You can do it even when you're... You can only do it when you're sitting down.

Speaker 1 It's a subsection. Yeah, well, you're sitting.
I'm not a subsection. No, I'm reclining right now.
No, it's not. You can better even recline.
You can only recline when you're sitting.

Speaker 1 I just upgraded.

Speaker 1 Section one is sitting, and then you go into the subsections, recline. Well, you just introduced sitting version 2.0.
Yeah, I did a better version of sitting. So sorry, I just cut your pick.

Speaker 1 Jake, put an asterisk. All right, my last one.
I'm going to go a little off the board here. Reclining is just sitting with added features.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go the position of

Speaker 1 marijuana and gambling should be legalized. That's a good position.
I want everyone to have that position. Strong position.
We need that position.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 This is got contentious. Uh-huh.
Now you got me thinking. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's still a lot left.

Speaker 1 Hmm. You know, do I go with like World War II, fun fact? Oh,

Speaker 1 now that's good. I would like to.
No, you could do that for honorable mention. Hank's always squeezing World War II shit into random stuff.
Cool, man. You read a history book.
Yeah, we get 11th grade.

Speaker 1 I just realized I wrote Prince twice. I'll just go with

Speaker 1 the other Prince. Bench coach.
Bench coach. Oh, that's a good position.
Get the boys riled up. That's a no-stress.
Like, you're clearly a locker room guy. Can I get the boys riled up?

Speaker 1 Between second prince and bench coach, is Hank a beta?

Speaker 1 Yeah. He's kind of the guy who doesn't want any of the pressure and just hangs out.
We want to meet that. Hank, you want to be around success,

Speaker 1 but you don't want to be driving. I mean, that's pretty much pretty obvious.

Speaker 1 All right, PFT, your last one, and we'll do honorable mentions. A position of strength.
Ooh. So when you're negotiating, or

Speaker 1 negotiating against somebody, you should always do it from a position of stress. That's true.
That is true. All right.

Speaker 1 What do we leave off? I have

Speaker 1 pitcher. Pitcher? Middle reliever? Middle reliever.
I guess you could do that's kind of a reclining, sitting thing. Well, recliner.

Speaker 1 The middle reliever, that's a major hank pick. Yeah, that's like, yeah, I don't want to be the closer.
I want to be the soul. Left-handed specialist.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Buckleballer. First class, that's a good position.
Right? Yeah. That's a position.

Speaker 1 It's a position of boarding. Yes, a position is a place that you sit or are located at.
Front row? That's a position. Yeah, I would say front row is overrated.
Front row is overrated.

Speaker 1 Pig time overrated. Name one event that is significantly better front row that isn't better second row.

Speaker 1 Strip club. No, second row is way better.
I don't know about that. You don't get hit with the juices.
You don't have to wear a poncho.

Speaker 1 I don't know what kind of strip club you're going with. I'd rather be whooping it up.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go with pole position. Pole position is a good one.

Speaker 1 Let's see. Driver's seat.
Wide receiver. Wide receiver is a good position.
Could be. Worst positions.
Kicker. No, disagree.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I was a kicker. Okay.
And I sucked. So that sucks.
It's very relatable to just you. No, so it would suck.
Yeah, goalie would be. Being goalie, too.
Being goalie would suck. It's goalie too.

Speaker 1 Always sucked. Confirmed.
Midfield for rugby. Yeah.
Midfield? We don't have. Being like an offensive lineman would suck.
I mean, we love our offensive lineman, but it probably sucks.

Speaker 1 Guitar, guitarist. Yeah, that sucks.
Confirmed. Bassist is definitely not the best position in terms of the hierarchy of a band, right? Yeah, it's like bass and drummer typically hang out together.

Speaker 1 The keyboardist usually has the weirdest sex. He's not.
Guitarist gets it. He's usually in the band.
He's not a keyboardist?

Speaker 1 Yeah, they usually just put him in the songwriting question, and they don't take a picture and put him on. That's true.
And he gets fired. Yeah.
Blogs.

Speaker 1 Let's see.

Speaker 1 Oh, how about this position? This is very specific. You know, when you've got to really fart bad and you can't, and you get on all fours? And that's a good position.

Speaker 1 No, I honestly, you do doggy style to yourself

Speaker 1 for myself to fart. Yeah, for sure.
I can honestly say I've never found it. Dude,

Speaker 1 you guys have not had to fart bad enough.

Speaker 1 I think maybe your butthole is just too tight. No, man.
What? Listen, you guys have not eaten enough food.

Speaker 1 This has never happened to your butt. You have to fart.
You fart. No, you can't get it out, Hank.
No,

Speaker 1 the best position for farting

Speaker 1 is just go sit on the toilet. Hold on.
You're telling me, Hank, that you've never had to fart and just can't, like,

Speaker 1 you just feel backed up. and

Speaker 1 the way that I have to fart is when I'm about to fart. So it's like, oh, I got to fart.
My body is not like... Yeah.
My body operates at such a high efficiency that

Speaker 1 I can never not do something that I need to do. It's also the position that you get when you get hit in the nuts really hard.
You get all fours like that. Yeah, sometimes you do that out.

Speaker 1 You bend over hand on your knees. Yeah.
Wow. Never gotten on my knees to fart, though.
Oh, that's an interesting. Oh, yeah.
All fours. All fours.
I mean, dogs do it all the time. Yes, exactly.

Speaker 1 And you know what? All the time. You kind of bring up a good point point because

Speaker 1 we really just fart eye to eye. Like non-stop.
Correct. And he's always in that position.
He's literally ready to fart position.

Speaker 1 That's what we call it. Fart or break news.
And I'm all out of news. Someday my son's going to come out and be like, well, dad, why are you on the floor? I got to fart.
Son, this is how we fart.

Speaker 1 What other possible? This house, this is how we fart. What other position? Sitting down to pee early in the morning as you're waking up.
That's a nice one. I like to just let it fucking fly.

Speaker 1 Good little treat for yourself sometimes when you're tired.

Speaker 1 You just close your eyes. Like, yeah.
You're still asleep. and just

Speaker 1 i like to hit the trash can just aim and fire yeah exactly just live on the edge little thrill now if you had a boner yeah pretend you're blind for a minute just go off of sound like yeah if you got a fucking p-boner then it's an issue that's that's a pre-callback yeah um you'll get it later driver's seat that's a good position

Speaker 1 uh pilot that's a good position oh what about the catbird seat out first yeah wait the catbird seat is that the one that what's that called the catbird seat is is that the i don't think it's the same as the crow's nest but the catbird seat is what you say if like a team is in charge of their division baseball, like going into the stretch, they got like a 10-game lead.

Speaker 1 Oh, they're in the catbird seat. Crow's nest would suck.
Crow's nest would suck.

Speaker 1 That's like the cockswain. That's a bad position to be in.
Yeah, that's a shitty position. First mate on a ship.
Destroyed a hand. First mate on a ship.

Speaker 1 No pressure as the captain, but you still get to, you know. Yeah, you didn't.

Speaker 1 It wasn't your job to find that iceberg right in front of you. Right.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You could have said it, but it's like...

Speaker 1 It's not your fault. You don't have to go down with the ship.
It's also a bad position looking over the edge of a tall building.

Speaker 1 oh hate that hate that i like that because it gives you little willies no i don't like that my hands

Speaker 1 bottom of your balls oh yeah that's good that's good um all right i think we probably i'm sure like always we missed a bunch so let us know uh what we point guard also point guard's a good position yeah we didn't really name any basketball positions point guard's definitely swing man yeah stretch three three and d hank that's that would be good right now six man hank yeah no i'd be more of a three-point specialist more the mark titus yeah like kyle corver or no not even Kyle Corver.

Speaker 1 I don't even know. Kyle Corver's like a pretty damn good basketball player.
Yeah, like he's got pressure. I'd be like more like a Ray Allen type.
Yeah. You know, something nice and easy.

Speaker 1 You go Reggie Miller.

Speaker 1 What that Pearl Brian Scallabarini, like fan favorite. You're Mark Titus.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's literally Mark Titus. Yeah.
Scrum half. I would pet scrum half.
Well, no, but Mark Titus, but like you get like a two-year, $10 million deal.

Speaker 1 You're Mark Titus, but you weren't lazy and you didn't give up your dreams to play in the NBA. Yeah, I made it to the NBA, and then I got lazy.
Got it. Got it.
Okay.

Speaker 1 All right. Let's finish up.
We got two more segments. We have a bad visual for speaking of basketball.
Floyd Mayweather got crossed up. At a charity game? Yeah, it was a charity game.

Speaker 1 I don't think it was like an NBA game. No, but it was a charity game still.
Yeah, he was playing defense against a guy whose specialty is crossing people up.

Speaker 1 You got to back up. You got to give it a backup.
You got to give a lot of space. He's not going to pull the three.
No. He's not going to pull up and shoot a J.

Speaker 1 Maybe Floyd was just like, maybe he was reading his jersey, trying to read it, and he got dizzy. Oh, man.

Speaker 1 You can't get embarrassed in a charity, like in a charity event like that. You just need to show up, run back and forth, and make sure you don't make enough noise.

Speaker 1 Like, the guy who gets crossed up, the guy who fouls maybe a woman, like, too hard, those guys,

Speaker 1 Floyd would probably do that. Yeah, the guy, airball, free throw.
Those are all things that you don't want to have happen in a charity basketball. Yeah, just don't stand out.

Speaker 1 Don't do anything to make noise for yourself in that situation. Yeah, grab a couple boards, throw up a couple shots, call it a day.

Speaker 1 Do you actually think that if he was trying to read the other guy's jersey, he would get confused?

Speaker 1 I don't think that's how it works. I think he just doesn't even look at it.

Speaker 1 Because I was thinking, like, maybe that's the issue with Conor McGregor when he fought him, because Connor's got all those tattoos, but they're all symbols. That's true.

Speaker 1 Like, what if it was the instruction manual for a DVD player or something? Floyd was, like, staring at it. Or, like, don't punch here.
Yeah, I got. Well, then he wouldn't know.
Right.

Speaker 1 Or just, like, say a bunch of things that look like boxing terms. Yeah.
And it's like, what the hell's going on? He would look at it. Right.
Like, I knowed punch. I know.
And then he'd fall off.

Speaker 1 Yeah, exactly. Okay, let's finish up with our last two.
We have both of our interns back-to-back.

Speaker 1 We're going to do the PMT Sports Biz Minute, and then we're going to go right into Guys on Chicks with Silly Jilly, Jilly Football, America's favorite Twitter follower. Right? Follow.
Yep.

Speaker 1 Yeah, follow. So let's do that.
Good morning. This is Jake Marsh with the PMT Sports Biz Minute.
Today marks the 207th Ticker Tape Parade right here in Manhattan. This time to honor the U.S.

Speaker 1 women's soccer team winning the World Cup. The first time these Taker Strips invaded the air of New York City, 1886, for the dedication of the Statue of Liberty.
Who's back of the week? Award shows.

Speaker 1 The Espees are tonight. And yup, the weight is almost over.
The 2019 Takey Awards are on Friday.

Speaker 1 The Espey trophy stands 17 inches tall, weighs about 6.17 pounds, and has a long silvery base with a basketball-like sphere.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, for the Takeys, you get, well, a shout-out on the number one sports podcast. Finally, a cool nugget for last night's all-star game.
It happened, and we're out of time. Mr.

Speaker 1 PMT Sports Biz Minute, Mr. Kat, Mr.
Commenter, back to you. Thanks, Jake.
Very cool. Awesome.
Here's Silly Jilly. Okay, it is that time of the week.
It's Guys on Chicks with a special.

Speaker 1 Special appearance from Silly Jilly, Jilly Football, Jilly Beans. Here.

Speaker 1 We're not going to do Guys on Chicks on Friday. Or no, we're not going to do any license to Jill on Friday as a takeies.

Speaker 1 And so Jill kind of told on herself a second ago because because we said you're going to do Guys on Chicks with us. And she goes, oh, what's that?

Speaker 1 So, Jilly, I'm not mad, but I am disappointed that you have not been listening to every show. But that's fine.

Speaker 1 Guys on Chicks is when our female listeners who trust us very much, they write into us with their woman-related problems. You know now.

Speaker 1 And as experts on women's bodies, having seen at least two of them naked myself, we give them perfect advice and solve all their problems.

Speaker 1 Before we do that, though, Jill, let's do a little catch-up with you.

Speaker 1 Congratulations on winning the World Cup as the number one fan.

Speaker 1 Yes. Were you nervous at all? Yes.

Speaker 6 I have to cover my eyes and walk out of a room.

Speaker 1 Even though we never went through.

Speaker 6 Correct, but I still get nervous.

Speaker 1 But we were tied with England. That's true.
Which gate made you the most nervous?

Speaker 6 The England gate.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was tough. What do you think about the robots, about the VAR?

Speaker 6 At first, I wasn't. happy and then

Speaker 6 it did help us with the England.

Speaker 1 So you're going to be at the parade tomorrow. I am going to be.
Covering the parade. Correct.
I'm excited to watch that. Today, yes.
Yeah, if you're listening today.

Speaker 1 So, Jill, what are you not mad but disappointed in us

Speaker 1 right now?

Speaker 6 This very second? Yes. That you haven't explained what we're going to do.

Speaker 1 Okay, we can just already explain. I just did.

Speaker 1 Right. You know,

Speaker 6 I wasn't

Speaker 1 saying it. Well, you know,

Speaker 6 I hear, but I don't always listen to it.

Speaker 1 What else have you been not mad but disappointed in us?

Speaker 6 From the other day, from your broadcast on Monday.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Our transmission?

Speaker 1 I like the broadcast. Yeah, it was nice.
Dramatic pauses that you use for this.

Speaker 6 Well, because I want you to know that I'm, it really isn't directed at you because I think everybody's disappointed in this one.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. Yeah.
Yeah. You want to see some ass eating?

Speaker 1 Well.

Speaker 6 Okay. You know, if

Speaker 6 they had, you know, with a fractured shoulder,

Speaker 6 I could have, if they asked me to do the home run derby, I would have done it.

Speaker 1 So you're pretty disappointed in yellow. In village, yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 1 But I am. A hockey player would do it.
Yep.

Speaker 6 Absolutely. But I am proud of my two podcast sons.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Thanks, Mom.

Speaker 6 That you

Speaker 6 were still willing to go through with the bet.

Speaker 1 We were. They literally

Speaker 1 didn't. In fact, in the middle of the home run derby, I just tweeted out, like, I'll still go through with the bet if Chapman wins.
Totally random time. Totally random time.

Speaker 1 Not after Vlad Guerrero's 29 home runs. No, no, but I still there was still a chance.
I'm addicted to living on that edge now, which is a problem. Yellow sucks.

Speaker 1 He's not good enough to win a home run derby. I still, even a year later, even though he's got 31 home runs.
He doesn't have a home run since. No, he does not.
He's too skinny.

Speaker 1 Okay, we saw it last night. You need big, strong men, Vlad Guerrero Jr.
and Pete Alonzo. So you're just as disappointed in him.
Anything else that you want to touch up? Okay.

Speaker 6 And, you know,

Speaker 6 let's say you did go through with your back. Yep.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 6 when as soon as the proud wears off,

Speaker 6 I'd be disappointed because it's disgusting.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 6 you're not. Totally disgusting.

Speaker 1 No, you have to. No ass play for Jilly.
So if Hank.

Speaker 1 If Hank cut up a nice little reel of it where you didn't see any genitalia per se, would you watch?

Speaker 1 Oh, absolutely.

Speaker 1 Of course, of course.

Speaker 1 You're her husband. Yeah, exactly.
All right, so the other thing before we get to guys on chicks, you also did some research. And

Speaker 1 two weeks ago, we had you on, and we promised that we, at some point this summer, would hit a gravity bong together. You did your research.
What did you find out about that?

Speaker 6 Oh, my God. I think I died.
Just.

Speaker 1 You Google Gravity Bong? Is that what you did?

Speaker 6 No,

Speaker 6 I asked around.

Speaker 1 Oh, you asked? I asked around.

Speaker 1 I went to randoms. Yep, you know.

Speaker 6 And I should have videotaped it, but I didn't. But I did go to a couple randoms, and they said,

Speaker 6 you can't do that. You'll die.

Speaker 1 You'll die. You'll feel like you're dead.
You'll think that you're dead, but you'd actually just be really high. Yeah.

Speaker 6 So that was my, so I did people research. Okay.

Speaker 1 And you've also, I want to give you some credit because you've been roasting fools on Twitter.

Speaker 6 Roasting. I've been having fun with Twitter, and I don't even really, still don't understand all of it, but I've been doing it.

Speaker 1 No, it was fun. The other day when you said, I wish I followed you so I could unfold.

Speaker 1 I was a dunk.

Speaker 1 Vince Carter, he's bald dunk in the French guy. It's over.
It's over. Yeah.
Let's wrap up with some guys on chicks. Hank is going to read them.

Speaker 1 Joe, we'll give you a stab at whatever question you want to dive into here.

Speaker 1 Okay. My ex wanted to break up with me because he said I wasn't emotionally stable.
We talked about it, and I said I'd go to therapy not even a week later.

Speaker 1 He said he didn't actually mean emotional instability and that he just wanted to be single. Now he won't stop hitting me up for a souvenir I bought while we were on vacation together.

Speaker 1 Everyone's saying he just wants to talk to me. Thoughts.
Ooh. Interesting.

Speaker 1 Sounds like he's not emotionally stable. Well, that's a savvy move to be like, it's not you, it's me.
I just think that you're emotionally instable.

Speaker 1 And then when you actually go to try to fix yourself, he's like, ah, just kidding. Just a joke.
Honestly, this guy sounds like a real gem.

Speaker 1 If I were you, I would try as hard as I could to get back with him because he seems like he's got it all figured out. What do you think, Joe? Are you kidding me?

Speaker 6 Are you kidding me? Give him back whatever he wants and shut the door in his face.

Speaker 1 Okay, nice. You can do better.

Speaker 1 It's not you, it's me, is an all-time experience.

Speaker 6 What's that song by Beyoncé? To the left, to the left.

Speaker 1 To the box, to the box, to the left.

Speaker 1 The other weird part about this question is what is a vacation trinket or something? What the fuck did they buy on vacation together? They bought like a seashell. What did it say?

Speaker 1 A female body inspector t-shirt. That's a weird thing.

Speaker 1 I want that back. I can't.

Speaker 1 There's a lot of attachment that I have. Anything you bought on vacation together, I'm telling you, it's not worth it.
A shot glass from Daytona Beach, just give it to them. Yeah.

Speaker 6 You can order another one online. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's true. Amazon eliminates the need for vacations altogether.

Speaker 1 True. Sup boys, especially Jilly.
A guy, no, definitely not me because I'm a girl, still hasn't done his taxes and didn't file for an extension. What should he do?

Speaker 1 Ooh, have you ever been convicted of tax fraud?

Speaker 1 Moi? Yeah. No.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 No, no.

Speaker 1 That's silly. That's a crazy question.
One idea that I had to get around paying taxes was just just to move all the time. If you move every year, they can't catch up to you, right? That's true.

Speaker 1 Also, disappearing ink. I feel like that's something that's going to make a comeback soon.
Pay your taxes, write your checks, and disappearing ink.

Speaker 1 Or what about that paper that old bookies used to use where you can just put it in water, it just dissolves right away? Something like that.

Speaker 1 And then hopefully they just, you know, I feel like IRS people, for the most part, spill a lot.

Speaker 1 You know, they're walking around with hot coffee, just spilling on themselves, gross ties, all that stuff.

Speaker 1 Are you good at paying taxes? Do you use an accountant?

Speaker 6 I use an accountant. Okay.

Speaker 6 And I am good at paying taxes, but you know what? It's his problem, not hers.

Speaker 1 At some point, when you get older, do you have to pay less taxes? Because

Speaker 1 you're just older and you're not going to be around long?

Speaker 1 It's like you're probably just going to use this sidewalk for another 20 years. Right.
Like, who can't do that? Toll roads, like in 30 years, these will be eroded no matter what you pay.

Speaker 6 You know what? I pay more taxes than probably

Speaker 1 ice flax. Damn.
All right. Let's check the bank.
How's that couch that you're living on? Yeah, right.

Speaker 1 Real quick,

Speaker 1 let's talk about your will, Jill.

Speaker 1 Jillie's will.

Speaker 1 No will. Between Big Cat and I, what percentage of your estate do we have control over?

Speaker 6 You would have control over...

Speaker 1 I would give you 30%. Okay, I believe that's binding.

Speaker 1 Wait, 30 each or 30 total?

Speaker 6 No, 30 total. You'd have to, you know, because I do have the others.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the others, which are your children. My children.
Actual children, just so everyone knows. Okay, next.
Sup, boys, especially drug addict PFT. I'm not a drug addict.
I don't do drugs.

Speaker 1 I just do drugs overseas. Yeah.
I matched this super hot guy on Tinder, but when we met up, I realized he was five inches shorter than me. Oh, that's parentheses.
I'm 5'8 ⁇ . Oh!

Speaker 1 The date went well, but now he actually wants to be in a relationship. How do I tell him he's too short? Again, sup, PFT.
Well, first of all,

Speaker 1 this is a major you problem because you just said the date went well. If a guy's 5'3

Speaker 1 and he wowed you and he swept you off your feet with his tiny little arms, well, he's a low man. Yeah, he's a low man, so he can get you underneath your feet.
To sweep you off your feet.

Speaker 1 But still, you know what? You're doing him a favor if you don't go on another date with him. That's going to be that big of a deal.
It's tough to lead him on, though. 5'3.

Speaker 1 That short guy's already got a lot of insecurities. You know what?

Speaker 1 I can't understand. I can't relate to that guy.
Nope.

Speaker 6 He's way tall. But maybe he walks tall.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. We forgot.
Jill is literally like 4'11.

Speaker 1 I am shrinking.

Speaker 6 Because I always claim to be 5'1 ⁇ 2 inch, but I think I'm lower.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 1 But now

Speaker 6 some guys carry themselves as a taller person. Yeah.
So, you know,

Speaker 6 and you see, what's her name?

Speaker 1 Simone Biles.

Speaker 6 No,

Speaker 1 Stark. Oh.

Speaker 6 Aria Santa. No, not Aria, that other one.

Speaker 1 John Starks. Well, it's dumped on Michael Jordan.
He was shorter. No, and he

Speaker 1 just married.

Speaker 6 She just married one of the Jonas brothers. She's tall and he's short.

Speaker 1 Sophie Turner. Sansa Stark.
Sophie Turner. Yeah.
Sansa Stark.

Speaker 6 Sansa Stark.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Correct.

Speaker 6 And so, you know, I mean, it could work.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but that guy's a millionaire. That changes things.
Yeah, that's true. Well, that's twice.
You could be very short if you have money. Like, I got so much money, it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 I could lose at least 10 inches, and people will be like, I don't care. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So actually, there's something to this, though, because if you're a guy, you're better off either being like six foot five or or you're better off being like four foot five.

Speaker 1 I feel like five foot three to five foot five is just like a five three to like five nine. It's like no five three to five five is like a dead zone.
You're in no man's land at that point.

Speaker 1 But at least if you're shorter, a girl looks at you, you're like, oh, that guy, he's about a carpet level right there. Yeah, he's kind of nice.

Speaker 1 He could probably get like underneath the cabinet real quick to fix something. No, I meant like, you know.

Speaker 6 I know what you meant.

Speaker 1 No, I know what you meant. Beaver level.
These are nice sirens here. Okay, next.

Speaker 1 Let's enjoy the sirens.

Speaker 1 Hey, Dilph Cat, Pure Fine Talent, Hank Daddy, and Wood Slang and Liam. My boyfriend says a P-boner is a more difficult situation than anything a woman does physically outside of childbirth.

Speaker 1 Please tell me how and why.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 so as I understand it. Let's let Jill do this one.
Okay, Jill, will you explain a P-boner?

Speaker 6 I have no idea what you're talking about.

Speaker 1 Give it us your best shot. Yeah.
A P-boner. Yeah.

Speaker 6 literally. I'm thinking you're peeing, and you

Speaker 1 that's the way I understand it is like it's common. You wake up in the morning, yes, you have a little bit of morning wood, you walk to the bathroom, and you still have to pee.

Speaker 1 Yes, and it's tough to pee through the boner. Correct.
It's because imagine it's like a leaded batting donut that's just been slid really, really tight around your urethra.

Speaker 1 That's all the blood, and so it's tough to push through there. And if you can, you're liable to burst a blood vessel.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like trying to, it's like trying to use like a metal straw, but like bend it a little bit. And you can't really get it.
You know, there's a lot going on. This only goes one direction.

Speaker 6 And what's

Speaker 1 the direction? Well, it can go any direction. Yeah, sure, actually.
It depends. Some guys to the left a little bit.
Yeah. All right, next.
All right, we'll go with one more. Question for Jilly.

Speaker 1 Why do Oh, boy.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. Why do some old people smell like soup?

Speaker 1 Can I, Jill, permission to smell you real quick?

Speaker 6 You may smell me quickly.

Speaker 1 Nope, doesn't smell like soup.

Speaker 6 Doesn't smell like vegetable beef?

Speaker 1 Nope. Nope.
But why is

Speaker 1 old people smell like soup?

Speaker 6 Because I don't think they,

Speaker 6 truth be told, I don't think they bathe after they eat and they slobber because we can't get everything in our, you know.

Speaker 1 Yeah. My dog smells like soup sometimes.
Oh, man. It smells like Fritos.

Speaker 6 Or there's other reasons.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What's your favorite soup?

Speaker 6 My favorite soup?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 6 It's always chicken soup.

Speaker 1 Chicken soup's good. Okay.
Do you ever eat soup after dinner?

Speaker 6 No. You should

Speaker 4 try.

Speaker 6 I should try. It fills in the cracks.

Speaker 1 Well, it also makes you smell like soup.

Speaker 6 I could smell like soup.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 6 But I think there's a deeper meaning in this than what I'm getting.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What do you think that is?

Speaker 6 Well, it could be sexual. Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 Sex with soup.

Speaker 1 I would fuck soup. I would fuck a soup can.
Yeah, why not?

Speaker 1 What? Yeah.

Speaker 6 Jill. I'm not hearing this.

Speaker 1 Can I read your picture? I mean, don't, Hank, don't knock it until you've tried it.

Speaker 1 Let me look at the first page. I'm not talking about a Campbell soup can, Hank, that has the metal edges on it.
I'm talking about

Speaker 1 a cup of noodles. Or no.

Speaker 1 Oh, a cup of noodle. Yeah, it's like.
I'm like a bread bowl of soup. Yes, that would be good.
Now you're talking about something that you can really eat. A nice little pumpernickel.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 A little humpernicle. A little chowder, a chowder, and a bread.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 I didn't even do that.

Speaker 1 Warm it up a little bit. I think we just came up with the plot to American Pie 7.
Yes, there we go. Old people.
American Pie, old people.

Speaker 1 You know, it'd be cool if you took a cup of noodles and then you cut a little hole in the bottom, like you see people do in the movie theater with popcorn. Yeah, diamond.

Speaker 1 And then you're just like, hey, you want some of this soup? Oh, my God. This is a sausage soup.

Speaker 1 Joke's on you. All right, so that's it, hey.

Speaker 1 Jilly, silly Jilly, thank you so much.

Speaker 6 Thank you, guys.

Speaker 1 Jill, enjoy, enjoy the parade.

Speaker 1 I'm so excited. And we're excited to see the video content that comes out of it.

Speaker 6 You will see it.

Speaker 1 Love you guys.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna call it all that.

Speaker 1 I don't know what

Speaker 1 to say.

Speaker 1 Say it anyway.

Speaker 1 Today is a motherfucker.

Speaker 1 Shy it away.

Speaker 1 I'll be coming for your love.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna call it over.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna call it over.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna call it over.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna call it over.

Speaker 1 I'm all set in peace and bump.

Speaker 1 So will it away?

Speaker 1 Slowly learning the fight is okay.

Speaker 1 Stay up to me.

Speaker 1 It's the better to be safe.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna call it over.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna call it over.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna call it over.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna call it over.

Speaker 1 Things that you say

Speaker 1 is in a lot more.

Speaker 1 Just reflect all the memories away.

Speaker 1 You're all the things I've got to remember.

Speaker 1 Shy and away.

Speaker 1 I'll be coming for you anyway.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna call it over.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna call it

Speaker 1 Uber Uber Uber Uber Uber Uber Uber. I'm gonna call it Oba

Speaker 1 Uber

Speaker 1 I'm gonna call it Oopa.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna call it Uber.

Speaker 1 It's pardon my take presented by Barstool Sports.