Dan Haren, Mt Rushmore Of Positions, And Jilly Football On A Wednesday

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
There's making a sandwich, and then there's crafting a sandwich. And when I want something perfectly crafted, I go straight to Boar's Head.
For over a century, Boar's Head has been dedicated to crafting premium deli favorites. Every ingredient is carefully chosen, every recipe made with a purpose.
Their oven gold turkey, smoked master ham, and ever roast chicken are made from premium whole cuts, hand trimmed, and perfectly seasoned. Last weekend, I made the ultimate sandwich, oven gold turkey, cheese, pickles, and mustard.
Simple, but unbelievable. So next time you're at the deli, don't settle, get the best.
Boar's Head, committed to craft since 1905. Discover the craftsmanship behind every bite at boarshead.com.
Let's go. Boy! Boy! Now in the street there is violence And I'm lot of stuff Work to be done No place to hang out No washing And then I can't Live all on the sun Oh no We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue It's Pardon of my tape presented by Barstool Sports.

Welcome to part of my tape presented by the cash app.

Go download the cash app right now.

My good friend Henry Lockwood told you all the directions, but if you need more, put

in code Barstool.

$5 to yourself. $5 to ASPCA.
Today is Wednesday, July 10th, and Breaking Moose. Hank's not doing the count.
So we have to do the count. He lost a bet.
Moo. Moo.
Okay, so Breaking Moose. we were ready to start the show in a normal fashion and talk about the home run derby in the all-star game but our intern jake pmt sports biz is now in a well actually off with revel and it was destined to happen at some point and i'm i honestly surprised that it lasted this long.
But if you had guessed, okay, well, these guys hired Jake to be a sports business reporter for Part of My Take. Eventually, Ravel will get mad.
What will he get mad at? You probably would have guessed, ding, ding, ding, a Reuben sandwich. Yes, so Jake was doing some behind-the-scenes reporting at the All-Star Game, found out what kind of new Epic Bacon Wind Sriracha sandwiches they had in store for the crowd at the game today, and he found a Ruben sandwich.
What was it called? It was called a – I'm pulling up the exact name of it right now. It was the All-Star Rally Ruben, and Jake tweeted out all the ingredients, gave you a little behind-the-scenes on it, and Darren, being the eagle eyed sleuth that he is, said, one, you spelled Ruben wrong.
Two, this was my content yesterday. So we got an old fashioned turf war on our hands, a sandwich turf war between sports business reporters.
So we're going to do this live right now. And I have the response for you.
So he put his Ruben sandwich eating on eating on instagram not on twitter so you need to reply right now because he just tweeted at you said see here it is say happy that you finally tweeted it darren to your happy you finally tweeted to your two million followers darren it would have been better to put it here first and not on instagram where you have 38 000 followers that's good also since he corrected your spelling it, you spelled it the way they spell it at the ballpark, which is R-U-E-B-E-N. Darren was saying it's actually spelled R-E-U-B-E-N.
Yeah, maybe if you're a New York elitist and you're only used to spelling it your way. Well, guess what? In the Midwest, they do some things a little bit differently there.
And that's fine. It's not flyover country, Darren.
OK, the real people out there. So, Jake, you just tell him that I guess they didn't teach you.
All right. It's no wonder that Northwestern lost its accreditation if they teach you to correct other people's mistakes.
That's good. That's good.
Yeah. So pretty much to sum up what happens in July.
Well, we get into turf wars over Rubenes on Twitter with Darren Revell. That was our fucking sandwich.
Welcome to part of my take. We got a big show for you, as Hank said beautifully at the start.
Thank you. Hank is doing all the ads tonight because we lost the bet to him.
Credit to Hank. He won the bet.
Christian Yelich did not home run. He struck out, in fact.
We have Dan Heron coming up. We have the Mount Rushmore of positions, and we have Jilly Football on a special Wednesday show, Guys on Chicks.
Wenye. Yeah, Wenye.
Before we do that, though, should we talk about the home run derby? Yeah, let's talk about it. It was pretty awesome.
It was pretty awesome. Awesome.
Vlad Jr., big chunk boy. Love that thick little lad.
He was up to bat, just mashing taters over the fence. He was hitting the scoreboard on every single shot.
It was amazing. He is electric.
Shout out to all the people who cried and whined that Vlad Guerrero Jr. should not be in the home run derby because he only has eight home runs and is not an all-star.
You fucking suck, you people. You don't like fun because if you watch Vlad Guerrero take any of his practice swings like a week ago, you knew that he was going to be a show.
You knew he was going to be awesome to watch. And I want Vlad Guerrero in every single home run derby for the rest of time.
He didn't get brought up until like part of the way through the season, right? Yeah, I think it was one of those clock things. Yeah, it was a couple weeks or something.
You get that earned a couple weeks. Well, who knows how many home runs he would have hit in that extra week.

True.

I thought it was one of the better home run derbies that I've ever seen.

Yes.

But then on aggregate, he ended up dominating and winning.

Yep.

But he didn't win the derby itself because of the way that they reset when you go into the final round.

So he didn't win a million dollars, but he won the hearts and minds of all of America.

I think that there should be equal pay for those who hit more home runs in the home run derby. to the final round.
So he didn't win a million dollars, but he won the hearts and minds of all of America.

I think that there should be equal pay for those who hit more home runs

in the home run derby than the other.

That's true.

So Pete Alonzo won who he will be.

Pete Alonzo will be a great,

well, actually in like 25 years.

Oh, people say, oh yeah, Vlad Guerrero.

Remember that 2019?

Well, Pete Alonzo actually won

with 23 homers in the final round. It's a great trivia answer.
So I'm'm telling you right now this is going to be a slumdog millionaire moment for you guys in about five years you're going to be asked who won this home run derby just remember it was pete alonzo i'm peter giving you money right now peter alonzo yeah i said peter on uh like last weekend mets fans got very mad pety boy yeah they're trying to control things they can control you feel? Yeah. Not a lot.
There's not a lot they can control putting the hard R on the end of their superstar. Careful.
They don't want that. Yeah.
Careful with that. Actually, his name is Robert Bonilla that we pay $1.3 million a year to.
Every single year for the next 75 years. Yeah.
How do you get over a pitching performance like that? If you're his uncle or second cousin or whoever. second cousin or whoever cousin derrick cousin derrick how do you get over that well like at the end of the day you just got shown he well he cousin derrick was terrible he was so bad there was actually a take out there that uh we should not be crediting vlad grow jr because he had an actual uh soft toss pitcher like his the the pitching coach was pitching to him and Pete Alonzo had cousin Derek Matt Chapman had his dad who was like trying to strike him out yeah he was throwing sliders he was because that was his moment to shine yes yes but so he that that take was awesome but yeah if your cousin Derek you got lit up I'm sure you'll get a little bit of pay.
It's great, though, because Pete Alonzo, I think, is making like $500,000 this year. And he just doubled his salary with just mashing taters in Cleveland.
And donated some to the troops. And donated some.
Oh, look at that. That's nice.
In Marlon's man's town. Yeah.
Cleveland. Very nice.
We do that. He doesn't go not because you can't see the front row, but because Cleveland fans are mean to him.
Just want that on the record. He's an invisible fence around Cleveland.
Marlins man will never grace yourself. It has nothing to do with the fact that there's an elevated front row and you cannot see someone on TV.
Absolutely not. Not at all.
They should have had Vlad pitching to his son. That would have been awesome.
Although he would have just struck him out. Well, so my idea was when Jock Peterson and Vlad Guerrero Jr.
got to the third overtime, they should have had to pitch to each other and try to strike each other out, which would have been great because they went on the swing off and had a million swings there. What do you got there? I just wanted to update that we have to remember that Breaking Moose segment was brought to us by chocolate milk for real recovery that tastes real good.
So we're new at the chocolate milk Breaking Moose segment as well, just like Hank is new at the opening ad reach. But Hank, I thought you did a great job.
Thank you. Even though you were being very nasty to us before the show started.
You're doing great too, sweetie. Very nasty indeed.
That's just not true. Another breaking news is that we have PMT Sports We have PMT Sports Biz.
Jake, he's clapping back as we speak, so we will update everyone. I'm sure this will be really great to listen to after the fact.
If you don't have Twitter and you're listening to this show, you're going to be so lost. Welcome to the show.
But it is. We have the All-Star Game going on tonight as we're broadcasting, as we're transmitting this show to you right now.
Yeah. Balls are no longer juiced.
took what verlander had said to heart and they actually reversed them and made the seams higher for this game so the pitchers could dominate so the uh so those are the two the big storylines coming out of the all-star game is justin verlander has uh said the balls are definitely juice which i don't think anyone disagrees with but then we just don't care yeah rob manford had to be like we didn't intentionally do it and if it's something's different well something's different you know the worst thing adam silver has done he's made it so that every other commissioner feels like they like people want to hear them weigh in on every small little like concern that your sport yes so manford's like yeah you know what what would adam silver do he'd probably tweet about it a bunch he'd probably instagram get ahead of it yeah um so yeah went to the sloan conference listen buddy we don't we't, we don't care. Just give me the, give me all the dingers, give me the taters.
And it actually is so appropriate to that. Rob Manfred has to deal with this concurrently.
While Bud Selig is going on his book tour and basically trying to erase history and make it the Bud Selig history. Bud Selig wrote a book.
Yes. He wrote a book where I, I'm pretty sure he barely like touched on the stero steroid era.
It was like, it was good for baseball, whatever. He also doesn't own a computer, right? No.
So you think he wrote it on a typewriter? Yeah, it's actually only one copy. Just him.
Yeah, he wrote it out. He just goes to different cities and he reads it to you.
We're waiting for someone to Xerox it. Yeah.
So I wanted to do something real quick with you, PFT, for the Home Run Derby, which was universally loved. Like, one of those rare things where it's hard for all-star games you see with the pro bowl no one really everyone gets mad about the pro bowl everyone gets mad about the dunk contest the home run derby everyone was like this is fucking awesome and it's the middle of july and we got nothing else uh so rate this take i got two for you hit me bob nightale said, how about instead of a home run contest at the All-Star Game,

doing something that fans rarely see these days?

You know, like a beat the shift slash bunting derby.

That'd be great.

I mean, I've said for a while that a bunt derby would be just amazing content.

Also, how about just an event where a batter walks and then sprints to first base?

Yeah.

Or how about Bob Nightingale?

You learn the rules of baseball because isn't hitting a home run beating the shift every single time? Like that's literally beating the shift. You just actually blew my mind right.
You beat the shift when you hit a home run over everyone. That's very true.
So we did do a beat the shift contest. Uh-huh.
And it was great. And it was great.
And so speaking of... I'm going to rate that on...
What is that the Richter scale? Yeah. Going to give it.
Well, no, it can't be on the Richter scale because it's not. Well, it was a joke.
It's a joke of a take. Yeah.
That's a very that's a very solid take. I'm going to give it like a 7.3.
OK. And then we had speaking of Pete Alonzo beating the shift all night, winning the beat the shift contest.
James Seltzer, who I don't even know who that is. He wrote, he's a host and producer, sports radio, go birds pod.
And this might be a Cardinals fan. Okay.
So he said, Pete Alonzo is way too excited to win the home run derby. I mean, a million bucks is nothing to sneeze at, but come on.
So Pete Alonzo wrong for celebrating his celebration doubling your salary one night what's actually tripping the troops when you think about it oh he's sorry he's a philadelphia guy it's go birds eagles because he makes 500 grand a year right uh yeah so the million dollars it's like yeah it's pretty tripling his salary so i can't do that that's blew my mind yeah yeah 100 200 is that right i don't do percentages yeah the only percentage my mind. Yeah.
Yeah. 100, 200%.
Is that right? I don't do percentages. That's double.
Yeah, double. The only percentage I give is 110 all the time.
He doubled his salary. He won double his salary, but he tripled his salary because if you add the salary back in, that's...
This is why we have you, Jake. Anytime you want to speak up and let us know how to do math.
So the bottom line is that he was too excited to win. Yes.
Right? Yes. Yeah, I'm always on board for a take like that.
Yeah. The best way that you can ever win anything is by acting really upset that you won it.
Yeah. This event that is purely for entertainment and everyone's having a good time and it's one of those things where all baseball fans, it's not a regional thing, you can just watch and enjoy it, he had too much fun.
Yeah. The home run derby is one of those things.
It's very sacred in the game of baseball. Yeah.
You need to treat it with all the respect and decorum of an actual game. Unbelievable ratio.
Take a guess on his replies and retweets. 1.7 thousand replies, 20 retweets.
Oh, you're close. 1 thousand replies, 22 retweets.
So he did a little bit better than that but either way it was awesome uh and then we had the the all-star game tonight where guys got mic'd up and i initially said while we were watching it i was like oh here come all the the columnists saying wow is miking up baseball players gonna save baseball because that's my favorite thing to write when everyone tries to save baseball it's like baseball is baseball you're gonna like your team you're probably not gonna give a fuck about

other teams it's gonna be a regional sport and if you like it you like it and great the only thing

that ruins baseball is when the game ends in a tie right and and we're not doing that anymore so

we were watching and they had uh someone at bat who's mic'd up i think it was freddie freeman

and i have to admit i think it might save baseball with all that said it could definitely save

baseball it was very very cool it was very cool i would like to see the umpires mic'd up

Thank you. mic'd up i think was freddie freeman and i have to admit i think it might save baseball with all that said it could definitely save baseball it was very very cool it was very cool i would like to see the umpires mic'd up more than anything what i really want the only thing i want out of baseball is to hear what the managers are saying when they scream in an umpire's face like when they're about to kiss i think at some point every argument they just scream like i'd i'd like to kiss you yeah because they're so close you won't you won't me? I'll kiss you, you son of a bitch.
Yeah. If we mic'd up Joe West, there'd be so many straight farts on that mic.
They would have to have like a 20-second delay. Just clean up all the audio.
It'd be all farts and just audible chaffage. And his neck sound.
Hearing his thighs when he's walking together would just sound like two pieces of sandpaper that you're rubbing together at Home Depot. We're back with Joe West.
Fun fact, you could actually start a fire just by putting some kindling in between Joe West's legs. Yeah, or just tuck it right under that neck.
Under the gullet. All right, so that was our Joe West roast of the day.
What else we got? I mean, we are getting into the slow time of the year. It's bunting season, and I'm not talking about the bunt derby.
I mean, like bunting that they set up around ballparks, the red, white and blue half circle

flags that go up everywhere.

Love it.

It starts this week.

It's really a nice visual treat that carries me into football season.

By the way, you know what I did this morning?

Yeah.

I just turned on the Red Zone channel just to see.

Nice.

Just to check, like maybe there's a game on.

Fox doing the football music for baseball will never not fuck me up. And St value and they have the robot show the nbc they use the nbc and nba for what for like is that college basketball oh yes they do do that now yeah yeah they can't do that yeah no it's fucked up when you switch the we are pavlov's dogs when it comes to our sports songs yes and if you play the Fox football music in the middle of July, I'm ready to watch the Cowboys and the Giants.
Right. If I hear the choo-choo-choo from Brazzers at the start of a Democratic debate.
I'm already coming. I'm getting a boner.
Yeah. I've already leaked some pre-com.
We're very simple people. Okay.
Let's do Hot Seat, Cool Throne, and then we'll get to Dan Heron. But first.
But first an ad let's go do the ad hank uh and also everyone go watch this uh episode on barstoolgold.com slash pmt we're actually interviewing uh a cuddler a professional cuddler tomorrow for barstoolgold today for barstoolgold.com slash pmt that will be out shortly so make sure you go download it uh right now and uh subscribe and buy it it's awesome yeah and you get your free uh you get to watch rough and rowdy on friday night next friday night from fort bragg in north carolina so there's really it pays for itself barstoolgold.com slash pmt ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working? Nah, neither has Ariat. Ariat work jackets and boots are packed with all the cold stopping waterproof protection you need to get the job done under any conditions so you can take any job out there and always deliver.
Check out Ariat in your local workwear retailer or visit Ariat.com slash work to get 10% off your first order when you sign up for email.

And weather whatever in Ariat Work Gear.

All right.

Let's do Hot Seat Cool Throne.

Hank, you're up.

Go first, buddy.

Wow.

Okay.

My Hot Seat.

You're such a great mood.

Speaking of cruises, yeah.

I mean, I just love to read.

So it's like when I get the chance to do more.

Oh, wait.

We got another Revell reply.

Now you own my strategy was his reply to Jake saying you probably should have tweeted it out instead of putting it to 38,000.

He's such a fucking loser.

All right, go on.

We're done with Ravel.

My hot seat is Sex Island.

Okay.

So there was a video ad today.

Whoa.

Have you read the news recently?

What?

Okay, never mind.

Anyway.

PFT knows what I'm talking about.

There's a fucked up story out there right now. Anyway.
Sorry, I don't pay attention to that stuff. I try and stay lighthearted with my news.
Sex Island, there was a video ad that some guy from Vegas made where it's basically Fyrefest 2.0, but the point of the ad is that you will get flown out to Sex Island, and there will be 100 beautiful women there. It's under some scrutiny.
The cops are trying to shut it down. Say so? They said it's going to get raided.
I don't know. But that, again, this is Hot Sequel Throne and that's why Sex Island, as great as it sounds, it's on the hot seat.
It sounds like it might not happen. It's actually a peninsula.
Yeah. It's an isthmus.
I also had people who thought a Breaking Bad sequel was coming out. It's not? No.
I thought it was a prequel. It was, you know, they both tweeted a couple weeks ago that they just started their own tequila company that got announced today.
This is like the fucking Lebowski ad. It's a turtle.
You can't do this. This is bullshit.
I don't like it. I don't like it at all.
You know what? Just for that, I'm going to leave a negative review for Breaking Bad on Netflix, bringing its total stars down to 4.9998. It's now a 99.999 rotten tomato.
Damn it. And then my cool throne is coaches' challenges.
Oh. Except there's no red flag, but the NBA Board of Governors have passed the implementation of in-game challenge flags for head coaches for the 2019 season.
Okay, so... But it's bullshit because there's not gonna be throwing a flag yeah it's just like a hand signal that was clearly because they're like all right we should do a flag and then they said wait no greg popovich will definitely kill a ref yeah so they cut that out my brain immediately goes to i'm gonna get screwed with some kind of bet uh on a challenge correct correct absolutely right No chance that I'm going to go unscathed next year.
Are you sure there's not going to be a flag? Yes. Is this a wave? I'm in support of the footballization of any other sport.
I want there to be a flag. No, you know what it should be? It should be the coach has to calmly go to the scorer's table and pour himself a glass of sheesh.
Ooh, I like that a lot. Or just, you know, LeBron's just going to take over all use of the challenges.
Or before each game, the coach follows all the refs on Instagram, and then when they want to challenge, they unfollow them. Ooh, yeah.
This league. That'd be nasty.
To the max. Stan Van Gunney definitely would have gotten the flag, like, lost in his clothes.
Yes. Jeff Fisher.
Yes. That was great, Hank.
All I know is that- Thank you, Dan. No problem.
This is going to fuck over the new olympians pelicans in some way shape or form yeah you know this is uh i i don't know if i love this i get the point that you don't want to screw up late game stuff but i've i'm firmly they already do there's so much stoppage right i don't right and i'm firmly in the stance that everyone who wants more replay and more challenges what you're gonna do is're going to get a world where we can't complain about anything. And watching sports is half of it is winning.
And the other half is saying why your team didn't lose. They got screwed.
Yeah. And so if you can't say you got screwed because they get everything perfect, then you know what? We might as well just not have conversation anymore.
What are you going to be allowed to challenge? Can you, i'm assuming like a three-point shot whether it's a two or three yeah goaltending stuff like sweet what is it under under how many minutes because under two minutes i think they already do that right so is it just any time in the game it just says i i didn't dig too much into it i'm just reading one tweet from shams that's uh but yeah it doesn't say okay so i'm guessing guessing they do so much under two minutes. It's got to be just like during the first half of the game.
I feel like fouls, you shouldn't be able to do fouls. I mean, you know what they should do.
NFL, you can't challenge. Personal foul charged to a coach's team, a called out of bounds violation, and goal tending and basket interference violations.
So a personal foul. You can challenge a personal foul if it's like a block or a charge.
Just have Rex Chapman do a Twitter poll. Oh, Woj is already doing the Board of Governors.
Approved. Replace it.
Is that something different, or is he saying Board of Owners? Yes, no Board of Owners. Stephen A.
Smith did out a great run on it today. Yeah, I can't keep track of all this stuff.
I mean, am I crazy to be like, hey, they don't own the players. They own the team.
Right. Right.
That's insane. Whatever.
Okay. That's it.
That's it. All right.
PFT, what you got? Tell my next dad. Yeah.
There you go, Hank. My first hot seat is men.
I've got a big hot seat for men. Us? Guys.
Boys. Boys.
Because there was a gender reveal party in Australia. Did you guys see that? And the car exploded after revealing it, like drove over a canister of powder and smoke.
And the car exploded and caught fire after it was revealed that it was a boy. What? Yeah.
Wait, wait, say it again. So there's a gender reveal party in Australia.
Yeah. Or Chile.

And the gender reveal was set up so that a car would drive over a canister that would emit smoke and powder.

Okay.

And it did.

It was a huge blue cloud.

But it also caught the car on fire.

And killed someone.

I don't think it killed anybody.

Oh, that was a boy.

It was the first case of toxic masculinity in that little boy's life.

Shit.

Actually, if a car explodes during a gender reveal, that just means it's going to be Kennedy. Yeah, pretty much.
That's what it means. Congrats.
You got a little teddy. Wipe it off the record.
You got a little teddy. Never happened.
My other hot seat is internet trolls. Yeah? Whoa.
Because. That's a personal thing.
Because the Mooch, longtime award-winning watcher, part of my take, unfollowed just about everyone. So he was like a big Joey Bats guy.
No. Check and see if you made the cut.
Did we? I made the cut. Okay, I made the cut.
Okay. Wow.
The purge. The great Mooch purge.
He unfollowed probably like 300,000 people in the last week or so. Savvy, savvy Mooch.
I still feel honored because I've got a direct line to the guy that's got a direct line to the guy that's got a direct line to Fox and Friends. So I'm still very influential right now.
I think Mooch has the most photoshopped avatar of all time. Pretty much.
Looking at it right now. Pretty much.
So he unfollowed so many people. I don't know.
I want to know what the process was like because you have to go through and do you unfollowed everyone and then re-followed? There's probably an app for that, right? Yeah. And my cool throne is internet trolls.
Okay. Also, Schrodinger's trolls because a court just ruled today that the president can't block you on Twitter.
So Trump has to unblock everybody that he has blocked. That sucks for the people who are like in their bio or like blocked by Trump.
Blocked by Trump. Check it out.
Blocked by Trump on July 14th, 2017. Awesome.
My other cool throne is the climate. Okay.
Because a metal straw, one of those metal straws that we all love so much, killed a British woman who fell on one and it impaled her eye. I saw that.
It went through her eye into her brain and she died because she was using a reusable straw. This is how Al Gore is fixing the climate just by killing off everybody that's emitting carbon.
It's great because there will definitely be people like there will definitely be people like okay so what's more important all the sea turtles in the world or one woman's life yeah you know well now you're making a good case you know what's fucked up is i guarantee you won't see a sea turtle like campaigning to make a big change with the way they do anything to try to save our lives no when was the last time a sea turtle ever tried to take you out of like a uh a swirling uh rainstorm and a flash flood and rescue you to safety never happens a lot Never happens. It used to happen all the time in Disney movies.
Yeah. Hank, what do you got? If we're in the trust tree, I read a report about how California is going to get absolutely fucked with an earthquake soon.
Oh yeah. It's actually all the Pacific Northwest.
The whole fucking thing is going to fall in the ocean. Yeah.
Made me not want to move there. Yeah.
Oh. Yeah.
Well, I think actually Sacramento might be okay. We get inland.
Okay. So we can do that.
We can definitely get to Arizona. What you do is you squat out on some desert land that will eventually become a beach.
Get it right up to the edge there. So you're off California.
Just until the big one happens. Then after, then we'll go squat on some land.
Okay. I like it.
We'll just go out to the zombie apocalypse out there joshua tree we're coming for you hopefully the in and outs will still be there right yeah at least one man not the lives but the in and outs yeah it really matters okay uh my hot seat is the summer league the rest of the summer league except cameron pain who is in the summer league and he's just finished his fourth year in the nba he is competing in the summer league i fucking love this i thought he was only allowed to do three years i when i saw the tweet saying campaign dropped 32 points last night in the summer league i thought it was a tweet from like three years ago that someone was doing to fuck with everyone no he is playing in the summer league this year i'll be honest with you my brain right now is just trying to think of a campaign finance reform yeah so he's in there i'll get there okay but he's in it he's playing in the summer league for the uh after his fourth full season in the nba it's incredible i love this i hope he leans into it i hope he plays like 20 years in the summer league i hope he plays past when he retires from the nba and he keeps showing up for the summer yeah you it's kind of a red flag if your players don't want to play in the summer league it's like oh you hate basketball you don't want to get better not campaign nope no he's gonna show up i'm surprised lamar odom isn't just showing up to summer league games just being like hey i'm good he's in the big three four minutes i think he wants to come make a comeback just let me hang out in vegas for a week i love when like amari stoudemire wasire was like, I'm going to have a comeback in the NBA. Well, wine is back in the NBA.
Hey, why don't you let Sam Decker, you know, get signed first. Then you get in line.
Decker Watch 2019. That's our mention.
Everyone's talking about it. We have to talk about it every single show.
Decker Watch. Let's get everyone buzzing about it.
All right. My cool throne is everyone who is waiting to hear who wins Blake of the Year., because yes, the takeies are coming on Friday.
Friday, the takeies are here. We will have all the awards from this past year.
It's better than the ESPYs. All the important awards.
Just throw out a couple of the awards that we have listed, Hank. But we are, as of right now, we do not know who won Blake of the Year.
As of this taping the rules are simple. We have contacted Blake Griffin, Blake Bortles and Blake Koepka and told them they will receive a phone call at any point this week the person to pick up the phone fastest will win Blake of the Year.
I'm very excited about it. Year of our year Lib of the Year, Blake of the Year, 19 year old of the year.
What are some of the new ones? Bad take of the year. Those are some of the ones from last year.
Preemptive take of the year. We had a couple new ones, too.
We have a couple new ones, but they're not categorized. So I don't want to say them because it's like the answer.
Yeah. Handjob of the year.
Stephen A. Smith take of the year.
Yeah. Now we're just giving away jokes.

We just ruined that.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, but anyway, tune in.

We have a great show coming on Friday.

Actually, this is serious.

We're going to have so many more celebrity guests that are going to be hosting the takeies this year.

Yes.

It's going to be incredible.

You're not going to believe it.

Most star-studded show of all time.

All time.

Star-studded, for sure.

Star-studded.

Okay.

Well, let's do Dan Heron here and Hank. But first.
Yeah. Merck's.
Merck's. Merck's.
Merck's is a... Don't talk to your exasperate.
I'm sorry. It's okay, PFT.
I just wanted to make sure that we're delivering a quality ad read for a sponsor. Merck's is a Midwestern favorite.
Can I say one thing? I'm trying to do an ad. One thing before you do it.
I'm trying to do an ad, Big Cat. Come on.
One thing. Jeez.
Why did you only say it was me that did the bet in the start of the show and not PFT?

That's a good question, Big Cat.

I'm trying to do an ad, please.

Very confusing.

It was very confusing.

When PFT was actually the one who was most vocal about the bet.

I got, yeah.

I feel left out, honestly.

I did, too.

I felt left out for you.

Big Cat, you sound mad.

Can I please do this at that?

What, I don't sound mad?

I'm just very confused.

Your anger was just at me.

I was just very excited, and I was like, so I was trying to get to the point where I plugged my instagram at henry lockwood one let me know how i did on these ad reads and that i just kind of skipped over the beginning like i forgot to mention you do the ad read i forgot to mention the hot seat cool throne mount rushmore of football chili football so that's on me okay hand up next time won't happen anyway mercs mercs is a mid premium cheese spread. This new on-the-go format is the first of its kind.
It allows cheese lovers to bring their go-to snack all over their go-to places, like the big game and a prop-to party or a laid-back boat trip. Wherever, whenever, it's always better with Merck's.
Mini cheese spreads. Hank, what's your favorite place to eat cheese? I like to eat cheese probably on the beach.
Sometimes I like to eat jumping off a cliff. Jumping off a cliff.
But the great thing with Merck's, it allows you to bring your own classic Merck's flavors wherever, a game, a tailgate, party, backyard, or even your couch. For big, bold taste, whenever the mood hits you, try Merck's Mini Cheese Spreads.
It comes in two bold flavors for whatever you're craving,

sharp cheddar for a bold classic taste and port wine like PFT,

or when you want a deliciously bold flavor of port wine and cheese blended together like Big Cat.

I'm a port wine guy?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Sheesh.

Dan Heron.

And now, Dan Heron.

Okay, we now welcome on one of our favorite long-time recurring guests.

I think you actually were on the show in the first few months of the show.

It is former flamethrower Dan Heron, future Hall of Famer.

Dan, we're going to talk about baseball, but I want to, before we do that,

you are a diehard Lakers fan. You have two Laker flags that you fly on your truck every single day.
Tell me how mad you are at Kawhi. First of all, I live in California.
I don't drive a truck. I drive a Tesla.
Come on. Oh, wow.
Shit. What kind? The Model S.
Is that better or worse than Blake's? I just need to know in terms of my power rankings of guest Teslas.

What was the sticker price?

I don't know.

It depends on what battery he has.

Mine was the fastest one, but it's a little bit older.

I've had it for a few years.

Did you also buy it because you were trying to quit dip

and not go to gas stations anymore?

No.

That was why Blake brought his. No.
Oh, that's great. One last Tesla question.
Have you seen the porn where they film it inside a Tesla that's driving down the highway? No, I haven't. It's pretty clear.
You should check it out. Okay, so your Tesla has the Laker flags on it.
Sorry, I should have said that. So tell us what your thoughts.
Laker Nation has had a bad showing showing in the last couple of weeks i'm sure you have a million burner accounts that you were tweeting at woge angrily uh where where are you at right now with the 2019-20 lakers well i think the clippers are better and i wanted them to get a like a knockdown shooter uh to go along with those two guys. I was thinking like J.J.
Redick, somebody like that. When they struck out on Kawhi, they got a bunch of filler pieces.
I mean, I guess they're a little deeper maybe than the Clippers, but I don't know. I mean, it's Anthony Davis' team.
Ooh! LeBron, you know, I wasn't a huge fan of the whole LeBron thing in the first place. And he was all right last year.
Yeah, he's okay. You're a Kobe guy.
I mean, I'd rather have Kawhi than LeBron, obviously. Yeah, you're a Kobe guy, though, through and through.
So are you one of these Laker fans that's like, I will never respect LeBron's greatness because I'm a Kobe guy? It's not because of that. But I was excited with the Lakers.
It seemed like they were building something with the younger guys. I know they all turned out to be kind of shit, but, you know, it was kind of exciting to have those guys.
And I was thinking more of somebody else joining them, not LeBron. And, you know, obviously it all went to hell last year.
And, you know, LeBron blames all the younger guys, and he shipped them all out. Have you ever been on a team like that? Do you have one guy that kind of puts the blame on everyone else and takes all the credit when things go well? I could think of a few guys like that.
Do you want to give me some initials? Christianian yelich no what do you do though like so i actually wanted to i just sent you a couple of questions beforehand and one of them was clubhouse and like 162 games and guys getting along what happens in the course of 162 games if the clubhouse isn't like everyone gets along do people just keep to themselves or do you have those closed door meetings like what was the the most intense closed door meeting you had um you know honestly it would be that team that i was on with yelich i think uh the the crappiest situation i was ever in was um the manager got i was on two teams in the big leagues where the manager got fired and someone from the front office came to be the manager of the team. And when I was on the Marlins that year, it was 2015, the GM was made the manager after about a month and a half, and that was the worst I've ever seen at Clubhouse just because we couldn't believe that the GM was our manager.
I think at one point it was like we would usually a team plays music when they win games. I think we would win a game and we would play like the circus music like that in the clubhouse because it was such a shit show.
Now, is that digging deep into that, like baseball players, I think you've touched on this before, but trusting analytics guys who maybe didn't play the game, how does that work on a day-to-day basis with a lot of players? Because that's a fascinating part of, like, the growth and development of analytics, how much you can tell someone, like, hey, do this differently even though they didn't play the game i think people were uh opposed to it at first and then guys realize how much it works and you know it's kind of what's good about my job is that i could i kind of do analytics type stuff but i can relate to the players somewhat so um you know i think that there's value in that but I mean, when it first came, when I can relate to the players somewhat. So, you know, I think that there's value in that.
But, I mean, when it first came, when analytics was first a thing, guys didn't want to buy it, and now they see how much it works. And you can just see people trying to get launch angle and the way teams defend now.
You know, it's made things a lot different. Was there anything in particular, like while you pitching where uh there was you know some stat that somebody came up to you and showed you that you were maybe like hesitant to adapt to or whatever but one that when you kind of changed a little bit of something you were doing to um to kind of play that that piece of analytics a little bit that really helped you out i would say there was nothing specific um when i When I was on the Dodgers, though, they really were good at just putting together game plans.
That's kind of how I started doing what I do. And really, a bunch of guys there taught me how to break down hitters, whether it's like Granke and the pitching coach, AJ Ellis, Kershaw was good at it, and those guys helped me out and kind of extended my career a little bit when I was pretty shitty at the end.
So the hot topic in baseball right now is juice baseballs. Are you a juice baseball truther? Do you think there's something different? Well, there's absolutely, I mean, there's something different.
I don't think any, I mean, Manfred's the only guy that's denying this,

but, I mean, they're on pace, record pace for homers.

They use the minor leagues, the major league baseball in AAA,

and there's been like twice as many home runs.

There's no doubt.

I mean, it's juice.

I just, I can't believe they keep denying it.

I mean, maybe they didn't intentionally do it, but they're definitely juiced.

We're going toiced right i feel like that's what it is it's not intentional like no one said hey go juice the baseballs but over time something has changed where it's become like incredible what's going on now as a pit like as a pitcher and a guy who still deals with pitchers every day like what do you what do you do for I mean, do you say, well, this kind of sucks, like we have no chance? I don't say that. You should try.
No, I mean, I try to give the pitchers the best chance to limit slugging percentages and keep the ball in the yard, that's for sure. But, I mean, it's hard.
In Arizona, we have a humidor, and it's made a little bit of a difference. But, I mean, homeruns are up all around.
I mean, Verlander was talking yesterday about how the balls are juiced. I mean, he's starting the All-Star game, but he's given up a ton of homeruns too.
So, you know, a lot of guys around the league are on pace to break their personal record at homers. So, to uh the juice baseball would be pretty stupid so how do you um how do you teach your guys to counteract because everyone's trying to hit home runs now that's like the swings are going upward it's all about the launch angle what do you tell your pitchers like hey they're going to try to tee off on you um here's how you kind of get around that or pitch to their weakness well that's what we do i mean i i try to i mean uh the best pitchers in baseball can pitch to a hitter's weakness uh so we're you know uh that's what i try to get across but i mean it's one thing to tell guys and the hard thing is executing the pitch because most guys don't have uh you know great command but the the best the best have the you know have the good have great command and can uh you know harness the game plan.
There's a difference between control and command. That's true.
That's something you've got to say if you want to be like a baseball guy. That's true.
Did you get a pair of glasses when you got this new job, too, like to try to look like Greg Maddox? Because he always looked like... I feel like umpires were more likely to give him a strike if it was on the corner because they knew he wore glasses.
They're like, this guy's smart no i don't wear glasses that's that i haven't gotten a pair of glasses but um the job has been all right you know i this is my third year doing it uh you know i there's only so much you could sit around the house and you know when when uh uh you know that even right now with the all and thanks for having me on the worst sports day of the by the way. The ESPYs are tonight.
Yeah, come on, man. Huge day.
I know, and I wanted to ask you, too, speaking of juice balls, how is it being a dad, Big Cat? Oh, it's good. It's good.
I mean, the dad life is definitely different. That was actually the first time I was able to use it in a text message.
I texted Dan and we got our times crossed and he's like i'm with my kids now and i just replied uh as a father i understand so i totally get it i know it's hard yeah how are uh how are your pugs doing oh man my old pug he's 14 he's had a couple he's had two instances in the past month where I think he's having seizures and he starts laying down and running in place, but he's laying down and he empties his bladder out and starts shitting. God damn it.
And then like five minutes later, he'll just bounce back and be totally fine. Just get him high when he does that.
He's just having a good time, having a sweet dream. And the other one I got was actually I adopted him when I was playing for the Cubs.

I took him home, and he's crazy.

I mean, he's not a very good dog either, but he's a good-looking dog.

How many pieces of clothing or coffee mugs do you have with pugs on them?

I could think of a few. One coffee mug for sure.
Of course. And I have the pugs, not drugs shirt.
Of course. Yeah.
What about a pug? Do you have a pug life shirt maybe? No, no, no, no, no. I had that a while back.
And no, that one got donated to Salvation Army. What about what the pug are you looking at? Ooh, that's a good one.
No, I don't have that one. No bumper stickers.
You don't have, like, the stick figure family with, like, two little pugs at the end of it? That's next level. Yeah.
That is next level. It's power user, pug owner.
Yeah. All right, so you're a baseball guy.
We're baseball guys. I just said there's a difference between command and control.
We know what that means. But to other people, explain what that means.
Oh, man. I guess command.
I don't really know what that means, though. I'd be lying to you if I told you what that means.
Neither do we. So it's just something people say.
Command is where you tell the ball to go. Control is where the ball actually, where you want the ball to go.
I always thought control was like, you won't just start throwing like Rick Ankeel into the backstop. Command is like, oh, I can paint the corners here.
I mean, I would assume most people at the big league level would have control then.

Yeah.

But command, I mean, I guess, you know what, control would be throwing strikes. Maybe command is being able to throw quality strikes, like put it on the corner maybe.

Nice.

Quality strikes.

That's a good one.

Have you ever been in a game delayed by bees?

Yes. What's that like? Whoa.
Are you afraid that you're going to get stung? No. I'm not allergic or anything, so it's no big deal.
I think the game was in San Diego, and there was like a beehive in the outfield or something, or a swarm of bees in the outfield. But no, I'm not afraid of bees bees i've been stung by a worse thing than bees um so when you you wrote the whole story uh when you retired about uh you know every day that you got the ball you would wake up you'd have to take a modium you were worried about the wind all these things did you watch the london series and have any like holy shit if i was pitching here this would be the worst experience of my life? I did watch some of that.
I mean, there's been a lot of games this year where I thought this would be the worst experience of my life. It's like, you know, even doing these game plans for, say, the Diamondbacks are going into Colorado.
It's like I could send in these game plans. Here's you should pitch these guys but I'm sure um thank god I don't have to pitch against them because I mean it's I couldn't imagine I mean the thing is that the type of pitcher that I was is just completely gone now like there's there's not too many guys I mean there's a few like crafty lefties but very few crafty righties I was one of the last crafty righties that's for sure so so explain to the people then how kyle hendrix continues to be awesome because he's like he doesn't tap out past 88 oh okay he's got a really good thinker and a great change up so i my fastball had little to no movement uh so i had to put it exactly where I wanted it.
That's why Kyle Henderson's good, because his thinker's nasty. Who do you think is the most gif-able pitcher in the game today? Good question.
The most gif-able? Yeah. Yeah.
Really gif-able. Oh, man.
That's a tough one. Why didn't you text me this question last night?

I just thought of it right now.

You just thought of it.

I don't know.

Max Scherzer?

The most gifable pitch.

Like the nastiest.

Have you guys ever had Scherzer?

You should have Scherzer.

Yeah, we have.

We have.

I asked him if Bryce Harper was a bitch.

Thanks for listening.

He thought Bryce Harper was a bitch, and he was like, no, he's my teammate.

Wait, wait.

So when we take gifable, we're talking about like pitching movement, and stuff like that. So who has the nastiest movement? Ooh.
You know, Stroman's got a really good sinker. He's one of my – yeah, I like his sinker a lot.
But, yeah, this guy's really going to move the ball around. Otto Vino, I think, with the Yankees, got a really good slider.
It moves crazy. Yankees curveball, too.
You know, he throws the EFIS. Yeah.
Oh, the EFIS is awesome. What is an EFIS pitch exactly? Is that just a pitch that you don't know how to describe? Goose Ravenscroft through the EFIS.
Yeah, I think if a curveball is below 70 miles an hour, they just categorize it as an EFIS. Oh, I could throw an EFIS then.
Every pitchball would be an ephus yeah yeah exactly um did you see the joe madden versus joe west little spin move thing did you ever have any run-ins with joe west uh i did i mean i didn't ever got tossed by joe west but you know he's always he he likes to get into the action he likes to get on tv um but it was a hell of a block block technique by Joe West. I mean, he's got the good center of gravity.
And, you know, he kind of he wasn't fazed by the spin move. No, the lateral quickness was something that you can study on film.
You sink your hips and you explode. No, you can't teach that.
No, it's natural. It's all natural.
The gullet. It's tough to get around his neck.
We're going to get right back to the show. Lowe's knows that your business is built on speed and trust.
That's why the Lowe's Pro Desk is here to get you what you need the moment you need it. We'll help you plan your project, calculate your materials, and pivot when your job takes an unexpected turn.
And with our pro-only checkout and dedicated pro parking, you have what you need to tackle your job and be back on the job in no time. Just visit us at the pro desk.
Lowe's knows pros. We help you save.
All right, back to part of my take. In 2016, your first time on this show, it was right around this time in 2016, you correctly predicted Cubs vs.
Indians in the World Series. Do you want to give us a World Series prediction right now that you can be correct about? I think you asked me this last year.
Oh yeah, you can't. You have to say Diamondbacks.
I have to say the Diamondbacks, yes. Okay.
Against? The Yankees. Okay.
The Yankees. A little throwback to what? Was that 2001? Yeah.
Yes. Yeah.
Yeah. Was that the – no, yeah, that was.
Yes, yes. Do you think Kershaw is still not clutch? Your good friend Clayton Kershaw? Did he ever come on the show? No.
I asked you many times. We were trying to get him on the show.
Well, no, hold on, hold on, back up. I asked you, and you didn't try.
I didn't try. I told you that I asked him, but I never asked him.
Yeah, I know, of course. Yeah, I know.
That's a great way to get out of something, too. Yeah, it's a great excuse.
No, I didn't, and then you actually didn't do it. Yeah, yeah, that's fucked up.
You're not going to get me to say anything bad about Kirscher. I'm not going to do it.
So, Dan, we have done the Mount Rushmore of unwritten baseball rules. Tell us a couple of your favorite that you just like, you know, whether it be no bunting on a perfect game or no bat flips.
What do you love and what do you hate about the unwritten rules of baseball? Let's see. I mean, of the unwritten rules that I would abide by, I didn't step on the line, you know, when you crossed over to the mound.
That's a classic one. Yep.
Let's see. You know, one that I had, back in the day, you'd have to throw the pitcher, like the opposing pitcher, fastballs, but I was never big on that.
And now no pitcher gets fastballs. But, you know, I didn't love that.
I mean, there's so many. I don't know.
Which ones do you guys like? I just like the one where the pitcher goes up to bat and he's wearing the warm-up jacket. Yeah, that one's great.
That's always a good look. It's like I don't – I seriously don't give a fuck.
Yeah, no stealing when you're up big late, which I always laugh at because that's the prime time big guy stealing phase. You know, that's when like Rizzo will rip a bag off and you're just like, fuck yes, this is great.
Yeah. Are you serious though? It was an unwritten rule that you would get only fastballs when you were up? I mean, so, like, if I was hitting and the pitcher threw me a first-pitch fastball, I would throw him a first-pitch fastball.
I love that. Like a little honor code.
That's awesome. Do on to others.
That's nice. But then would it be against the code to swing at that first-pitch fastball? No, absolutely not.
You let it fly. Did you ever give up a home run to an opposing pitcher? Never.
That's nice. Are you sure? You've hit a home run, though.
I don't think so. You hit a home run, right? I hit two.
I hit one off Chris Carpenter and one off Bronson Arroyo. What's your mindset when you get that? Because I know you probably don't want to show up the other pitcher because you are a pitcher and you probably don't like it if somebody throws a bat 10 feet up in the air.
But you have to be really excited in the moment. So how did you react when you hit those dingers? I was really excited, especially the one-off Chris Carpenter, just because I came up as a rookie and he was one of the veteran guys and it felt good felt good to get him and it's hard because when a pitcher hits a home run or at least when I hit him I didn't know it was gone for sure so I was running out of the box so it's not nearly as cool as like if I hit it and just stood up on it right right the did you ever get hit by a pitch i'm sure you did

i did i got hit i i got hit when i was uh a few times but one time i got hit when i was on the cardinals and uh it's kind of a bench clearing thing happened because i got hit by matt clement and then when I came out on the mound

I hit Matt Clement

and then the benches cleared. It was pretty great.
Matt Clement, all-time facial hair. Did you get to throw any punches? I did not.
I've only been in, like, I've been in a few brawls. The only bad ones I was ever in was in the minor leagues.
So what happened there? So what happened there was actually

so

Joe, we were in, I was in A-ball, Quad Cities.

Joe Maurer got trucked by

one of our guys. I think it was Chris

Duncan. And then Chris Duncan

came up to bat and they started

Duncan, benches

cleared. So everyone was out

on a home, like by the pitcher's mound and I was talking a lot of shit because i didn't think that there would be a fight um and then a fight broke out and i had talked a lot of shit like while everyone was arguing and i got dropped by i don't know who it was um i i didn't even see the punch come and broke my nose i fell down bleeding everywhere i had to walk off the field like a jackass. Oh, wow.
I'm looking at this right now. I remember this because this is the classic, like, when Dusty Baker and Tony La Russa would just hate each other.
Yeah, if you look it up on YouTube, you can find it. Yeah, yeah, I'm looking up right now.
Matt Clement, I fucking love Matt Clement's fucking facial hair. He had just the bushiest, bushiest chin, just mustache, whatever you call it.
Like Jay Buhner style? Yeah, it was just a huge bush at the end of his chin. It looked like Animal from the Muppets was trying to grow out of the bottom of his head.
That doesn't play today. That's very much a late 90s, early aughts look for a pitcher.
Yeah. Bonus points if it's just bright red, too.
Like a big target. Did you ever work on pretending that you didn't mean to hit somebody after you hit them with a pitch? I never worked on that.
Trying to think if there was anyone. I mean, I hit quite a few guys on purpose, but most of the time they knew it was on purpose.
But no one ever charged them out on me. Oh, you're such an intimidator.
So intimidating. God damn it.
What was your move that you would do after you hit somebody on purpose? Was it like hang the head, turn around? Yeah. Or look at the dirt.
You know, like I slipped a little bit. Yeah.
Damn. Or look at my hand.
Like my hand is wet. It's humid outside.
Oh, that's a good one too. Yeah.
Sweaty palms. Gosh, this is a fucking blast.
This is fucking so long ago. I'm looking at the YouTube right now.
I love it. I love it.
It's a good podcast. It's invigorating for the listeners.
All right. Any other questions for us, Dan? I know you're always self-conscious and you think that you don't do well, but you fucking crush it and people love you.
I appreciate it. No, I got no questions for you guys thanks for having me on um uh you know wish you the best best and father fatherdom you don't you don't even listen anymore dude i don't i honestly i haven't listened in a year what the fuck man what happened i like the mount rushmore's um what we do you know i don't know man what do you listen to now

uh we'll beat this out bill simmons oh god jay mariotti yeah jay moore yeah yeah jim rome yeah you're big time jim rome and i we work out together jim rome okay really tell us more about that yeah So do you go to his private gym?

Yes, we go to our private gym in our community.

He's a big... We work out together, Jim Rohn.
Okay, tell us more about that. So do you go to his private gym?

Yes, we go to our private gym in our community.

He's a big elliptical guy.

Oh.

But he kills it.

He will kill it on the elliptical.

Really?

Like I'll get in.

He will have been on the elliptical for a while.

I'll get in.

Like he's sweating already when I get to the gym.

I'll do a workout, do some cardio, and I leave, and he's still on the elliptical. First one in, last one out.
Get the sweat going. Wait, do you still get your shots up? Do you get in the basketball gym? How's your jumper looking these days? It's not good.
I was supposed to have my hip replaced in October, and I chickened out. How old are you? Jesus Christ, dude.
Yeah, I know. It's been a whirlwind few months for me.
I was supposed to have it done in October and I chickened out. How old are you? Jesus Christ, dude.
Yeah, I know. It's been a, it's been a whirlwind few months for me.
I was supposed to have it done in October and I chickened out. Um, and then I went to the dentist for the first time in 10 years and this was because I was so scared of the dentist and it turns out I have to have like a gum graph and root canals and all this.
And so I had surgery set up for July 17th. I was supposed to go under for five hours.
And I just got back from vacation in Mexico and I canceled because I don't want to do it. No, come on, Dan.
You have to go, dude. We need you around.
It's the most important part. Yeah, you can't get an infection in your mouth.
What made you decide to go to the dentist? Was it hurting? just get too bad um i saw my gum line receding in my in the back where i have a couple crowns and uh i was concerned and i went in and the news wasn't good so what are you gonna do i've done this with uh with root canals before i i once went in and they uh i was supposed to get two root canals in the back and I got one and I just said, no, Moss. I'll come back for the other one.
And I waited like six months and it got even worse. So don't do this.
You've got to do it, man. Eventually, I'll man up.
It was funny because every time you get a physical in baseball, you see the dentist and they're like, oh, you have cavities. And the next year they'll be like,ities i'll be like okay okay okay and then i retired so i didn't have to go to the dentist and then i noticed that i'm losing my gums on one of the sides so i'm like oh fuck what are you eating i don't even dip yeah jesus that's so weird that uh that part of a physical for baseball is they send you to the dentist what else do they check because guys dip and they want to know if they're getting a guy that's got gum disease yeah that's smart yeah fuck man you gotta get to the we need you healthy what are you doing it's the dentist I'll be okay don't worry it doesn't sound like it you got a receding gum line it doesn.
It doesn't sound like a thing. All right, last question for me, the most important question.
When are you going to get back to tweeting? Because I see you on Twitter. You're liking things.
You're active. But you don't tweet.
I know. It's hard because it's almost like a situation where I've waited so long.
There's so much buildup now to my tweet being good that I'm stressed out about that, too. I don't...
You know what I'm saying? Can I be honest with you? If you tweet like 100 times a day, it doesn't matter if your tweets are shitty. But if you tweet once a year, it better be fucking good.
That's true. So there's nothing...
Yeah. Do you think people are waiting for the next Dan Heron tweet? Like, I am.
I mean, of course not.

But I know I've, like, I go on Twitter and I do like things.

And I notice I keep losing followers.

So I understand that.

But, I mean, I don't know.

I really, I want to do it.

Plus, I have a real job, so I can't, you know, comment too much,

whether it be on, you know, serious shit like politics or religion. Oh, what are your thoughts on those? You going to vote for Trump again? No, I'm anti-Trump.
I'm anti-Trump and anti-religion, man. Come on.
There you go. Those are two good spots to be in.
I'm putting on, I just put on notifications for you. How about this? So I'm waiting.
How about you tweet out this episode of Pardon My Take tomorrow, and then everybody reinforce

Dan and tell him how great he is online.

Yeah, everyone be like, Dan, this was a great tweet, man.

I'll think of something.

Maybe I'll tweet.

I'll try to tweet before this comes out.

Oh, wait.

I know what it is.

You're at 999 tweets.

Am I really?

Yes.

Oh, wow. So the thousands better be good dude holy shit this is not this isn't good how much more pressure we just put on you notifications are on and 999 tweets you gotta just tweet the problem the problem is too like i don't do that much like i just don't do anything what do you mean in life don't golf oh yeah like i don't golf i mean my job like after this i'm gonna head down to starbucks and do some work on my computer like that's it and then like i'll start drinking and then that's more more punk pictures i'm gonna watch tonight there's nothing on so well the all-star game You can watch that.
Oh, yeah. When is this thing coming out?

What are we?

Oh, this is coming out tomorrow. So, yeah, I guess ESPYs is what we would say to people.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. I don't know.
Can you gamble on the ESPYs right? You probably are. I'll take some bets if you want them.
You probably can. You probably are.
I could probably figure out a way to gamble on the ESPYs. There's Summer League, dude.
Summer League's been awesome. You gambling on the summer league.
Oh, fuck. Yeah.
Did you see that? Last night, uh, China was a 25.5 underdog, uh, against the Hornets. They won outright.
Um, I did not see that. Okay.
So, no, you're not paying attention. Well, there's also like, there's a chance the way that it's set up, uh, there's a chance that they might make up the earthquake game by doing a coin flip to see who advances.

Now that you're going to be able to bet on.

Ooh, that would be awesome.

Tails, do you believe...

I was in Mexico for the earthquake.

Are you upset that you played a sport that didn't have a coin flip?

No, I'm not.

I mean, I don't think about that every day now.

It's the best part of the game.

Best part of football.

Wait, are you a Rams fan?

Not really.

I mean, I don't think about that every day now. It's the best part of the game.
Best part of football. Wait, are you a Rams fan?

Not really.

I mean, my parents grew up in New York, and I was raised a Jets fan.

Oh, that's unfortunate.

Damn.

It's been rough.

Yeah, that sucks.

Sam Darnold, though.

He'll be awesome.

USC.

Southern Cowboys. No, I think things are looking better.

Okay.

All right, Dan. Will you crush this? We're waiting for your tweet.
Please tweet tomorrow. Please.
Okay. Please.
I'll tweet something. All right.
I promise. All right.
Well, thank you very much for coming on. It's always fun.
Always fun talking to you. And hopefully we'll see you soon.
We go to Southern California tonight. We just never see you because you're just like.
Yeah, you text me like when you're at the airport leaving.

That's like the Kershaw thing.

I just did the Kershaw thing to you.

I actually have one last question I forgot to ask you.

So you work for the Diamondbacks.

When you tell people that you work for the D-backs,

do you make sure to say D-backs and overemphasize the CK so they don't think you're saying D-bags?

That's a good question. All right, Dan.
Thanks so much, man. We'll talk to you later.
I'll see you. Thanks, man.
That was awesome. All right.
Yep. That interview with future Hall of Famer Dan Heron was brought to you by SimpliSafe.

Did you guys know that

most break-ins happen

between 6 a.m. and 6 p.m.

in the middle of the day?

What?

Yeah.

According to the FBI.

This is the part where we

start zoning out during

the ad reads.

The average loss, it

couldn't be me, the

average loss to a

burglary is over $2,000.

That can be hard to

recover from.

And there are over 2

million burglars reported every year. That's one every 13 seconds.
And what's crazy is that only one in five homes have security, maybe because most companies don't really take it easy. Maybe because most companies really don't make it easy.
That's why SimpliSafe is my top choice. SimpliSafe protects your whole home, every window, room, door, 24-7 monitoring for just a fraction of the cost.
There's no contract, hidden fees, or fine print. It's designed to blend right into your home.
No wires, no drilling. It's easy to order and easy to set up, usually in under an hour.
Visit SimpliSafe.com slash PMT. You'll get free shipping and a 60-day risk-free trial.
You've got nothing to lose. Go now and be sure to go to simplysafe.com so they know our show sent you.
That's simplysafe.com slash PMT. I'm supposed to do another one, right? That interview was also brought to you by...
This is exhausting. Yeah, dude.
Podcasting is a contact sport. All right.
I'm literally sweating. That interview is also brought to you by MeUndies.
Summer comes with a number of awesome perks. Vacations for some.
Beach days for some. Barbecues.
But the one perk that outshines them all is summer-themed undies, courtesy of, you guessed it, MeUndies.

MeUndies is the only brand that lets you eat pineapple while wearing pineapple undies.

I'm actually wearing the pineapple undies right this second.

I saw that because you don't own a belt and your pants are sagging.

I just don't.

I have an inverted ass, so it's like there's really nothing on the back end to help me out.

You have a concave ass.

Yes, literally.

Inverted life.

Going off script here real quick. Let's talk about comfort.
Would you say that MeUndies are great if you have to Hank yourself? They're awesome. Not only that, but you can match your bottom half with your better half in matching prints and colors.
Look out for new summer-themed prints dropping every Tuesday. MeUndies also makes you the softest lounge pants and onesies you've ever felt.
Finally, you can now match with your pup with their brand new buddy bands available in the same prints and colors as their undies.

This stuff is important, people.

Big Cat and Stella look alike.

PFT and Leroy match all the time.

MeUndies has a great offer for our listeners.

For any first-time purchasers, when you purchase any MeUndies product, you get 15% off and free shipping.

That is a big, fat duh. Get 15% off and free shipping.
That is a big fat duh.

Get 15% off.

Is that off script?

No.

Get 15% off a pair of the most comfortable undies

you will ever put on.

To get 15% off your first pair,

free shipping and a 100% satisfaction guarantee,

go to MeUndies.com slash take.

That's MeUndies.com slash take.

That was awesome, Hank. Thank you.
And again, I'm sorry that I had to do these ad reads uh big cat and pft kind of forced me uh into the bet and I won so if you have any complaints please just send them their way I did my best you just I tried my hardest people for feedback on your ads at the start of the show oh yeah where did I where did't send them our way. Where did I lead them to? To you.
You. Where? At BarstoolBigCat.com.
And your Cash App account. Mm-hmm.
Yes. All right.
That's it, right? Yeah. I'm done? Yeah.
Fuck yes. Okay, let's get to our segments and our Mount Rushmore.
Hank, let's start with Bachelorette Talk for guys that don't watch The Bachelorette. And I've been judging on just social media.
Feels like things got spicy recently. Really? Everyone's been talking about Luke P.
There was also a grandmother that got involved, right? Let's get into it. I didn't watch last night myself.
Of course not. Here are the notes.
Oh, that was Hey Daddy Cat. That guy's on checks.
Okay. Hannah visited Luke P's family in Georgia where he got up in front of everyone and talked about how after living a life of sin, he found the Lord while taking a shower in college.
You know what's really interesting about people that are that young that find the Lord is they usually don't have anything that scary that keeps them away from God. It's like I used to swear a lot back in the day.
And there were a couple days that he told me to go outside and mow the lawn. I only did half the lawn.
The golf course I lived on got hit by lightning once. I was dark, man.
I was in a dark place. It was crazy.
Lord, forgive me for my transgressions when I didn't screw the cap on the jelly all the way. Was that Jerry Jones? That was Ross Perot.
Shout out Ross Perot. You're dead.
Dead guy. Dead guy.
RIP. Shout out.
You're dead. Legend.
Yeah. But Luke P was the villain of the season and apparently had a very nice family and a sweet grandmother.
So it's like all the haters of Luke P. It's like, fuck.
So he's like, oh, he's somewhere deep down. He's got a good upbringing and not a bad guy.
Yep. Okay.
Hannah visited Jed's family in Tennessee. Jed's mom doesn't think jed will propose to hannah and jed's sister told hannah that she doesn't think it's a good idea for them to fall in love jed's sister sounds like a real wet jacket wait so he's tennessee jed yeah got it so jeb's sister deep cut it's a grateful dead song okay what so what are you gonna say drug guy yeah big time to me it sounds like Jed's or Jed's sister is

a big wet blanket like she she probably

told him that she didn't want him go on

the show from the beginning yeah it's

like you're not gonna go on that show

you'll make a fool of yourself so she's

trying to kneecap this whole thing before

it even gets started it sounds to me like

maybe she's in love with her brother

Tennessee Wow this this is jaw-dropping

Hannah couldn't decide who to give the

final rose to Jed or Luke P so

Thank you. Smart move by Hannah.
Wait. That's actually, like, you got to test drive the car before you buy it.
Yeah. That's a really smart move.
Iannah wait that's actually like you gotta you gotta test drive the car before you buy it yeah and that's a really smart i feel like that's gotta be some type of like bachelor faux pas yeah no hannah just kind of like a way to home run yeah letting the balls yeah yeah right exactly this is one of those things where you shouldn't do it but there's no specific rule saying that you can't do it this is what we call a life hack she just hacked the hacked the bachelorette. By having more sex.
She was like, I realized that I could get more laid than other bachelorettes. As a sex positive podcast, this is a great move.
How many times? Honestly, though, with Hannah, I wouldn't be surprised if she goes 0 for 4. Oh, like by just having sex and being like, no, I don't like it? Yeah, like she'll end up crying and just like not even, no one will get a fantasy sleep date.
Wow. Got it.
Well, she might have sex five times because Jed's sister might be involved. Yeah, that's true.
That's a double team right there. All right, so who do you guys got? What are the names left? I'm going to go – Luke P., Jed.
Tennessee Jed. Those are the only two that were on the notes this week, so I don't know.
I'm going to go with Tennessee Jed. I'm going to go with Luke, the guy that found God because he cussed too much in eighth grade.
Okay. In the shower too.
Remember, that's key. Oh yeah.
You know what? You find a lot of things in the shower that you weren't necessarily looking for. He stubbed his toe and he cussed and then he found God.
Beautiful. Okay.
Let's do our Mount Rushmore. Mount Rushmore of positions.
Very open-ended. This is.
PFT, I think you're up first. I am up first, yeah.
And then Hank, then me.

We got it.

Boys.

We got this.

All right.

That was actually the fact that we were able to do that.

Holy shit.

We're finally on board.

Easy number one for me, lying down.

Okay.

Horizontal.

Okay.

Just chilling. You can do so many things when you're lying down.

It's perhaps the most versatile of positions.

Okay.

Hank? That was my number one as well. Whoa.
It's a high seed. Fuck.
Damn. I'm just worried about, you know.
What do you got? Not saying something and then worry. It's like poker.
It's like, I think if I don't say this, I'm going to get it back on the back end. If I don't get it, then I don't know.
It's open- open-ended it's tough ass-eating season doggy style okay okay would you have taken that nope all right i would have i'm taking quarterback and reverse cowgirl okay all right back to you uh prince reverse cowgirl more fun to watch than it is to do well you i mean this is doing watching whatever you want to do yeah i mean my legs get tired but it can be your favorite position to watch it also counts it okay what was it prince prince prince prince as a royal position being a prince you don't have to do shit i think it kind of sucks but what because you probably have no pressure because your parents were related no no pressure no You got all the money in the world. There's pressure, dude.
No, it's like, dude, what are you talking about? The country is in the print. The cameras follow you around all the time.
That's the king. No.
Future you has to worry about that shit. You don't know your history.
No, and if you fuck up, then somebody might name like a penis piercing after you later. Yeah.
And if your dad's an asshole and if your dad dies early and then you become king early, you gonna basically fuck up because you're gonna be a little shithead well being the second in command like i forget which one that's not a prince is it yeah yeah so that's all harry and uh what's the other guy harry do you want to do you want to say firstborn prince or second born prince a second second no just prince okay all right just the artist formerly known as prince Yes, RIP. All right, pft you got two uh my next one is going to be fullback okay going fullback the building blocks life as a fullback um and then number three i'm going to go with girl on top okay okay that's very that's a cousin of lying down yeah so is reverse is reverse cowgirl.
Yeah. I'm going to take sitting.
Sitting. Okay.
Sitting. That's a good one.
What's your favorite thing to do while sitting, Hank? I have a lot left here. Wait.
Sitting? Okay. So then I'll.
Okay. What's my favorite thing to do while sitting down? I don't know.
Petting your cat. Are you getting a haircut?

That's kind of nice, I guess.

I'll go with, okay, so I'll go with reclining.

Reclining hasn't been taken.

That's not a position.

I had reclining too.

Yeah, that counts.

How's lying down a position, sitting's a position, but reclining isn't?

Reclining plays.

That's 100% a position.

It's like the nice middle ground, the Goldilocks zone between laying down and sitting.

What is the face you're doing to me right now?

Thank you. plays because that's 100% of position.
It's like the nice middle ground, the Goldilocks zone between laying down and sitting.

What is the face you're doing to me right now?

How do you tell me that lying down

is a position, sitting is a position,

and reclining isn't?

A good recline, you can do it in an office chair,

you can do it in a lazy boy, you can

do it even when you're... You can only do it when you're

sitting down. It's a subsection.

Yeah, well, you're sitting, I'm reclining. No, I'm reclining right now.
No, you can only recline when you're sitting. Correct.
I just upgraded sitting. It's like section one is sitting and then you go into the subsections, recline...
Well, you didn't sit up. Big Cat just introduced sitting version 2.0.
Yeah, I did a better version of sitting. Sorry, I just cut your pick.
Jake, put an asterisk. All right, my last one, I'm going to go a little off the board here declining is just it's sitting with added features um i'm gonna go the position of uh marijuana and gambling should be legalized that's a good position i want everyone to have that strong position we need that position whoo all right uh whoo this is it's got contentious uh Yeah.
Yeah. There's a lot.
There's still, there's still a lot left. Hmm.
You know, do I go with like world war two fun fact? Oh, no, I would like to. No, you can do that for honorable mention.
You Hank's always squeezing world war two shit into random stuff. Cool, man.
You read a history book. Yeah.
We get 11th grade. I just realized I wrote Prince twice.
I'll just go. Uhch Coach.
The other Prince. Bench Coach.
Bench Coach. Oh, that's a good position.
Just get the boys riled up. That's no stress.
You're clearly a locker room guy. Just get the boys riled up.
Between second Prince and Bench Coach, is Hank a beta? Yeah. He's kind of the guy who doesn't want any of the pressure and just hangs out.
Underneath that. Hank, you want to be around success, but you don't want to be driving.
I mean, that's pretty obvious. All right, PFT, your last one.
We'll do honorable mentions. A position of strength.
So when you're negotiating against somebody, you should always do it from a position of strength. That's true.
That is true. All right, What do we leave off? I have pitcher.
Pitcher. Middle reliever.
Middle reliever is nice. I guess you could do.
That's kind of a reclining sitting thing. Well, recliner.
The middle reliever, that's a major Hank pick. You'd be like, yeah, I don't want to be the closer.
I don't want to be the starter. Left-handed specialist.
Yes. Uh-huh.
Knuckleballer. First class.
That's a good position. Right? That's not a good position.
It's a position of boarding.

Yes.

A position is a place that you sit or are located at.

Front row.

That's a position.

Yeah.

I would say front row is overrated.

Front row is overrated.

Big time.

Name one event that is significantly better front row that isn't better second row.

Strip club.

No.

Second row is way better.

I don't know about that.

You don't get hit with the juices.

You don't have to wear a poncho.

Yeah.

I would... That isn't better second row.
Strip club. No, second row is way better.
I don't know about that. You don't get hit with the juices.
You don't have to wear a poncho. I don't know what kind of strip club you're going to.
I'd rather be whooping it up. I'm going to go with pole position.
Pole position is a good one. Let's see.
Driver's seat. Wide receiver.
Wide receiver is a good position. Could be.
Worst positions. Kicker.
No, disagree. Okay.
I was a kicker. Okay.
And I sucked, so that sucked. So this is just very relatable to just you.
No, so it did suck. Yeah, goalie.
I was a goalie, too. Being a goalie would suck a lot.
I was a goalie, too. It sucked.
Confirmed. Midfield for rugby.
Yeah. Midfield? We don't have midfielders.
Being like an offensive lineman would suck. I mean, we love our offensive lineman, but it probably sucks.
Guitar guitarist. Yeah, that sucks.
Confirmed basis is definitely not the best position in terms of the hierarchy of a band. Right.
Yeah. It's like bass and drummer typically hang out together.
Like the keyboardist. The keyboardist usually has the weirdest sex.
He's not usually in the band. He's like, yeah, they usually just put him in the songwriting and they don't take a picture and put him on the album.
He gets fired. Let's see.
Oh, how about this position? This is very specific. You know when you got to really fart bad and you can't and you get on all fours? That's a good position.
No, honestly, you do doggy style to yourself. To myself to fart.
Yeah, for sure. I can honestly say I've never done that.
Dude, you guys have not had to fart bad enough. I think maybe your butt hole is just too tight.
No, man. What? Listen, you guys have not eaten enough food.
What do you mean? This has never happened to your body. You have to fart, you fart.
You know what the best position- No, if you can't get it out, Hank. No, Big Cat, the best position for farting is just go sit on the toilet.
Hold on.

You're telling me, Hank, that you've never had to fart and just can't, like, you just feel backed up and can't really fart?

The way I know that I have to fart is when I'm about to fart.

So it's like, oh, I got to fart.

My body is not like...

Yeah.

My body operates at such a high efficiency that I can never do...

I can never not do something that I need to do.

It's also the position that you get when you get hit in the nuts really hard.

You get on all fours like that.

Yeah, sometimes you get that out. never do.
I can never not do something that I need to do. It's also the position that you get

when you get hit in the nuts really hard.

You get on all fours like that.

Yeah, sometimes you bend over, hand on your knees.

Yeah.

Never gotten on my knees to fart, though.

That's an interesting one.

Oh, yeah.

All fours.

All fours.

I mean, dogs do it all the time.

Yes, exactly.

And you know what?

Dogs fart all the time.

You kind of bring up a good point

because Leroy just farts eye to eye.

Like nonstop.

Correct.

Because he's always in that position.

He's literally ready to fart position.

That's what we call it fart or break news and i'm all out of news someday my son's gonna come out and be like well dad why are you on the floor i gotta fart son this is how we fart this house this is how we fart what other position sitting down to pee early in the morning as you're waking up that's a a nice one. I like to just let it fucking fly.
Get a little treat for yourself sometimes when you're tired. I like to.
I like to. Close your eyes.
Yeah. When you're still asleep.
Yeah. Just go.
I like to hit the trash can a little too. Just aim and fire.
Yeah, exactly. Just live on the edge.
A little thrill. Not if you had a boner.
Yeah, pretend you're blind for a minute. Just go off the sound.
Yeah. If you get a pee boner, then it's an issue.
That's a pre-callback. Yeah.
We'll get it later.

Driver's seat, that's a good position.

Pilot, that's a good position.

What about the Catbird seat?

Yeah.

Wait.

The Catbird seat, is that the one that... What's that called?

The Catbird seat is...

I don't think it's the same as the Crow's Nest.

But the Catbird seat is what you say if a team is in charge of their division in baseball.

Like going into the stretch, they got like a 10-game lead. Oh, they're in the Catbird seat.
Crow's say if like a team is in charge of their division baseball like going into the stretch they got like a 10 game lead oh they're in the catbird seat crow's nest would suck crow's nest would suck that that's like the that's like the coxswain that's a bad position to be in yeah that's a shitty first mate on a ship straight ahead first mate on a ship no pressure as the captain but you still get to you know yeah you didn't you you you it wasn't your job to find that uh iceberg right in front of you right yeah you could have said it but it's like it's not your fault. You don't have to go down with the ship.
Also, bad position. Looking over the edge of a tall building.
Hate that. Hate that feeling.
I like that because it gives you little willies. No, I don't like it.
My hands are sweating right now. The bottom of your balls.
Ooh. Yeah.
That's good. That's good.
All right. I think we probably, I'm sure, like always, we missed a bunch.
So let us know what we missed. Point we met point guard also point guard's a good position yeah we didn't really name any basketball positions point guard's definitely swing man yeah stretch three three and d hank that's that would be good right now six man hank yeah no i know more of a three-point specialist more than mark titus yeah like kyle korver or not not even kyle korver i don't even know.
Kyle Korver is like a pretty damn good basketball player.

Yeah, he's got pressure.

I'd be more like a Ray Allen type.

Yeah.

You know, something nice and easy.

Reggie Miller.

Like Brian Scalabrini, like fan favorite.

You're Mark Titus.

That's literally Mark Titus.

Scrum half.

I would put Scrum half.

Well, no, but Mark Titus, but you get a two-year $10 million deal.

You're Mark Titus, but you weren't lazy, and you didn't give up your dreams to play in the NBA. Yeah, I made it to the NBA and then I got lazy.
Got it. Got it.
OK. All right.
Let's finish up. We got two more segments.
We have a bad visual for speaking of basketball. Floyd Mayweather got crossed up at a charity game.
Yeah, it was a charity game. I don't think it was like an NBA game.
No, but it was a was a charity game still yeah he was playing defense against a guy whose specialty is crossing people up and you got to back up you are you got to give it back you got to give a lot of space he's not going to pull the three no he's not going to pull up and shoot a jay maybe floyd was just like maybe he was reading his jersey trying to read it and he got dizzy oh man that's you can't get you can't get embarrassed in a charity like in a charity event like that you to show up, run back and forth, and make sure you don't make enough noise. The guy who gets crossed up, the guy who fouls maybe a woman too hard, those guys.
Floyd would probably do that too. Yeah, air ball, free throw.
Those are all things that you don't want to have happen in a charity basketball. Yeah, just don't stand out.
Don't do anything to make noise that situation yeah grab a couple boards throw up a couple shots call it a day do you actually think that if he was trying to read the other guy's jersey he'd get confused i don't think he i don't think that's how it works i think he just doesn't even look at it because i was thinking like maybe that's the issue with conor mcgregor when he fought him because connor's got all those tattoos but they're all symbols that's true like what if it was the instruction manual for a d player or something and Floyd was, like, staring at it? Or, like, don't punch here. Yeah, well, then he wouldn't know.
Right. Or just, like, say a bunch of things that look like boxing terms.
Yeah. And it's like, what the hell's going on? And he would look at it.
Right, like, I know punch. I know box.
And then he'd fall off. Yeah, exactly.
Okay, let's finish up with our last two. We have both of our interns back-to-back.

We're going to do the PMT Sports Biz Minute,

and then we're going to go right into Guys on Chicks with Silly Jilly Jilly Football,

America's favorite Twitter follower, right?

Follow.

Yeah, follow.

So let's do that.

Good morning.

This is Jake Marsh with the PMT Sports Biz Minute.

Today marks the 207th Ticker Tape Parade right here in Manhattan, this time to honor the U.S. women's soccer team winning the World Cup.

Thank you. Sports Biz Minute.
Today marks the 207th Ticker Tape Parade right here in Manhattan. This time to honor the U.S.
women's soccer team winning the World Cup. First time these paper strips invaded the air of New York City 1886 for the dedication of the Statue of Liberty.
Who's back of the week? Award shows. The ESPYs are tonight and yup the wait is almost over.
The 2019 Takey Awards are on Friday.

The SB Trophy stands 17 inches tall, weighs about 6.17 pounds, and has a long silvery base with a basketball-like sphere. Meanwhile, for the Takeys, you get, well, a shout-out

on the number one sports podcast. Finally, a cool nugget from last night's All-Star

game. It happened, and we're out of time.
That's your PMT Sports Biz Minute. Mr.
Cat, Mr. Commenter, back to you.
Thanks, Jake. Very cool.
Awesome. Here's Silly Jilly.
Okay, it is that time of the week. It's Guys on Chicks with a special, special appearance from Silly Jilly.
Jilly Football. Jilly Beans.
She's here. We're not going to do Guys on Chicks on Friday.
Or no. We doing license to jill on friday and uh so jill kind of told on herself a second ago because we said you're going to do guys on chicks with us and she goes oh what's that so jilly i'm not mad but i am disappointed that you have not been listening to every show uh but that's fine guys on chicks is when our female listeners who trust us very much uh they write into us with their woman-related problems.
You know now. And as experts on women's bodies, having seen at least two of them naked myself, we give them perfect advice and solve all their problems.
Before we do that, though, Jill, let's do a little catch-up with you. All right.
Congratulations on winning the World Cup as a number one fan. Yes.
Were you nervous at all? Yes. I have to cover my eyes and walk out of a room and go on a bike.
Even though we never were trailing. Correct, but I still get nervous.
But we were tied with England. That's true.
Which game made you the most nervous? The England game. Yeah, that was tough.
What do you think about the robots, about the VAR? At first I wasn't happy, and then it did help us with the England.

So you're going to be at the parade tomorrow.

I am going to.

Covering the parade.

Correct.

I'm excited to watch that.

Today.

Yeah, if you're listening today.

So, Jill, what are you not mad but disappointed in us right now?

This very second?

Yes.

That you haven't explained what we're going to do? Okay, we just did. I just did.
Right. I wasn't...
Listening. I hear, but I don't always listen.
What else have you been not mad but disappointed in us? From the other day, from your broadcast on Monday. Okay.
Our transmission.

I like the.

Our broadcast.

Yeah, that was nice.

The dramatic pauses that you used for this.

Well, because I want you to know that I'm.

It really isn't directed at you.

Because I think everybody's disappointed in this one.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

You want to see some ass eating?

Well.

Okay. You know, if.
If they, you know, with a fractured shoulder, I could have, if they asked me to do the home run derby, I would have done it. So you're disappointed in yelling.
In yelling. Yeah.
Okay. But I am.
A hockey player would do it. Yep.
Absolutely. But I am proud of my two podcast sons.
Yes. Thanks, Mom.
That you were still willing to go through with the bet. We were.
They literally didn't. In fact, in the middle of the home run derby, I just tweeted out, like, I'll still go through with the bet if Chapman wins.
It was a totally random time. Totally random time.
Not after you, Bud, Gerho's 29 home runs. No, No, but there was still a chance.
I'm addicted to living on that edge now, which is a problem for me. Yellich sucks.
He's not good enough to win a home run derby. I still, even a year later, even though he's got 31 home runs or whatever.
He doesn't have a home run swing. No, he does not.
He's too skinny. Okay, we saw it last night.
You need big, strong men, Vlad Guerrero Jr. and Pete Alonso.
So you're just as disappointed in him. Anything else that you want to catch up? Well, okay.
And, you know, let's say you did go through with your back. Yeah.
And as soon as the proud wears off, I'd be disappointed because it's disgusting. Oh.
It is totally disgusting. No, no ass play for Jilly.
So if Hank, if Hank, if Hank cut up a nice little reel of it where you didn't see any genitalia per se, would you watch? Oh, absolutely. Of course.
I have to. You're our own budsman.
Yeah, exactly. All right, so the other thing before we get to guys on chicks, you also did some research, and two weeks ago we had you on, and we promised that we, at some point this summer, would hit a gravity bong together.
You did your research. What did you find out about that? Oh, my God, I think I'd die.
Do. You Google gravity bomb.
Is that what you did?

No, I asked.

I asked around.

Oh, you asked. I asked around.

I went to randoms.

Yeah.

And I should have videotaped it, but I didn't.

But I did go to a couple randoms and they said, you can't do that.

You'll die.

You'll die.

You'll feel like you're dead.

Yeah.

You'll think that you're dead, but you'd actually just be really high.

Yeah.

So that was my. So I did people research.
Okay. and you've also, I want to give you some credit, because you've been roasting fools on Twitter.
Roasting. I've been having fun with Twitter, and I don't even really, still don't understand all of it, but I've been having fun.
The other day when you said, I wish I followed you so I could unfollow. That was a dunk.
Vince Carter, his bald dunk in a French guy's face. It's over.
Yeah. Let's wrap up with some guys on chicks.
Hank is going to read them. Joe, we'll give you a stab at whatever question you want to dive into here with us.
My ex wanted to break up with me because he said I wasn't emotionally stable. We talked about it, and I said I'd go to therapy not even a week later.
He said he didn't actually mean emotional instability and that he just wanted to be single. Now he won't stop hitting me up for a souvenir I bought while we were on vacation together.
Everyone's saying he just wants to talk to me. Thoughts.
Ooh. Interesting.
That's a, that's a, sounds like he's not emotionally stable. Well, good point, Hank.
Savvy move to be like, it's not you. It's me.
I just think that you're emotionally unstable. And then when you actually go to try to fix yourself he's like ah just kidding just a joke honestly this guy sounds like a real gym i if i were you i would try to as hard as i could to get back with him because he seems like he's got it all figured out what do you think joe are you kidding me are you kidding me give him back whatever he wants and shut the door in his face okay Okay.
Nice. You can do better.

It's not you, it's me is an all-time excuse. What's that song by Beyonce?

To the left, to the left.

To the box, to the left.

The other weird part about this question is,

what is it, vacation trinket or something?

What the fuck do they buy on vacation together?

They bought like a seashell.

What did it say?

A female body inspector t-shirt.

That's a weird thing.

I want that back. There's a lot of attachment that I have.
Anything you bought on vacation together, I'm telling you it's not worth it. A shot glass from Daytona Beach, just give it to them.
Yeah. You can order another one online.
Yeah. It's true.
Amazon eliminates the need for vacations altogether. True.
Sup, boys, especially Jilly. A guy I know, definitely not me because I'm a girl, still hasn't done his taxes and didn't file for an extension.
What should he do? Have you ever been convicted of tax fraud? Moi? Yeah. No.
No, no, no. That's a crazy question.
One idea that I had to get around paying taxes was just to move all the time. If you move every year, they can't catch up to you.
Right. Also disappearing ink.
I feel like that's something that's going to make a comeback soon. Pay your taxes, write your checks in disappearing.
Or what about that paper that old bookies used to use where you can just put it in water. It just dissolves right away.
Yeah. Something like that.
And then hopefully they just, you know, I feel like IRS people for the most part spill a lot. You know, they're walking around with hot coffee just spilling on themselves, gross ties, all that stuff.
Are you good at paying taxes? Do you use an accountant? I use an accountant. Okay.
And I am good at paying taxes. But you know what? It's his problem, not hers.
At some point, when you get older, do you have to pay less taxes? Because, like, you're just older and you're not going to be around long? It's like you're probably just going to use this sidewalk for another 20 years. Right.
Like, these toll roads, like, in 30 years, these will be eroded no matter what you pay. You know what? I pay more taxes than probably all of you.
Oh, nice flax. Damn.
All right. Let's check the bank account.

How's that couch that you're living on?

Yeah, right.

Real quick, let's talk about your will, Jill.

Jill's will.

Jill will.

Between Big Cat and I, what percentage of your estate do we have control over?

You would have control over, I would give you 30%.

Okay, I believe that's binding.

Wait, 30 each or 30 total? No, 30 total. You'd have to, you know, because I do have the others.
Yeah, the others, which are your children. My children.
Your actual children, just so everyone knows. Okay, next.
Sup boys, especially drug addict PFT. I'm not a drug addict.
I don't do many. I just do drugs overseas.
Yeah. I matched this super hot guy on Tinder, but when we met up, I realized he was five inches shorter than me.
That's tough. Parentheses, I'm 5'8".
Oh. The date went well, but now he actually wants to be in a relationship.
How do I tell him that he's too short? Again, sup, PFT. Well, first of all, this is a major you problem because you just said the date went well.
If a guy's 5'3",

and he wowed you

and he swept you off your feet

with his tiny little arms...

Well, he's a low man.

Yeah, he's a low man.

It's easy to sweep you off your feet.

But still, you know what?

You're doing him a favor

if you don't go on another date with him.

It's going to be that big of a deal.

It's tough to lead him on, though.

5'3".

He's a short guy.

He's already got a lot of insecurities. You know what? I can't understand.
I can't relate to that guy. Nope.
But maybe he walks tall. Oh, yeah.
We forgot Jill is literally like 4'11". I am shrinking.
Because I always claim to be five foot one half inch, but I think I'm lower. Yep.
That's shorter and lower. Some guys carry themselves as a taller person yeah so you know and you see what's her name uh simone byles no stark oh aria santa it's no not aria that other one john starks well it's dunked on michael jordan he was shorter than and he she just married she just married one of the Jonas Brothers.
She's tall and he's short. Sophie Turner.
Sansa. Sophie Turner, yeah.
Sansa Stark. Sansa Stark.
Yeah. Correct.
And so, you know, I mean, it could work. Yeah, but that guy's a millionaire.
That changes things. Yeah, true.
The money changes. You could be very short if you have money.
Like, I got so much money, it doesn't matter. I could lose at least 10 inches and people would be like, I don't care.
Yeah. So, actually, there so actually there's something to this though because if you're a guy you're better off either being like six foot five or you're better off being like four foot five i feel like five foot three to five foot five is just like five three to like five nine it's like no five three to five five is like a dead zone you're in no man's land at that point but at least if you're shorter a girl looks at looks at you, you're like, oh, that guy, he's about at carpet level right there.
Yeah, he's kind of nice. He could probably get like underneath the cabinet real quick to fix something.
No, I meant like, you know. I know what you meant.
No, I know what you meant. Beaver level.
These are nice sirens here. Okay, next.
Let's enjoy the sirens. Hey, Dilfcat, pure fine talent, Hank slang and Liam my boyfriend says a P boner is more difficult situation than anything a woman does physically outside of childbirth please tell me how and why okay so as I understand let's let Jill do this one okay Jill will you explain a P boner I have no idea what you're talking about.
Give us your best shot. A pee-boner.
Yeah. Literally, I'm thinking you're peeing and you...
Hold on, I don't know. The way I understand it is like, it's common you wake up in the morning, you have a little bit of morning wood.
You walk to the bathroom and you still have to pee. Yes.
And it's tough to pee through the boner. Correct.
Imagine it's like a leaded batting donut that's just been slid really, really tight around your urethra. That's all the blood.
And so it's tough to push through there. And if you can, you're liable to burst a blood vessel yeah it's like trying to it's like trying to use like a metal straw but like bend it a little bit and you can't really get it you know there's a lot going on this only goes one direction and what's what's the direction well i can go any direction actually it depends some guys to the left a.
All right, next. All right, we'll go with one more.
Question for Jilly. Why? Oh, boy.
Oh, no. Why do some old people smell like soup? Can I, Jill, permission to smell you real quick? You may smell me quickly.
Nope, doesn't smell like soup. Doesn't smell like vegetable beef nope nope but why is that why do old people smell like soup because i don't think they truth be told i don't think they bathe after they eat and they slobber because we can't get everything in our you know yeah my dog smells like soup sometimes oh man he smells like fritos or there's other reasons.
Yeah. What's your favorite soup? My favorite soup?

Yeah. My dog smells like soup sometimes.
Oh, man. We smell like Fritos.
Or there's other reasons. Yeah.
What's your favorite soup? My favorite soup? Yeah. It's always chicken soup.
Chicken soup's good. Okay.
Do you ever eat soup after dinner? No. You should try.
I should try. It fills in the cracks.
Well, it also makes you smell like soup. Ooh, I could smell like soup.
Yeah. But I think there's a deeper meaning in this than what I'm getting.
Yeah. What do you think that is? Well, it could be sexual.
Oh, OK. Sex with soup.
I would. Well, I would fuck soup.
I would fuck a soup can. Yeah.
Why not? What? Yeah. I'm not hearing this.
I mean, don't hang. Don't lock it till you've tried it.
Let me look at the first page. I'm not talking about a Campbell's soup can, Hank, that has like the, the metal edges on it.
I'm talking about a nice, a cup noodles or a cup of noodles. Yeah.
It's like a bread bowl of soup. Yes.
Now you're talking about something that's, you can really, a nice little pumpernickel. Yeah.
A little humpernickel. A chowder and a bread bowlder and a bread bowl.
Oh, my God. That would be a nice Friday night.
I didn't even do that. Warm it up a little bit.
I think we just came up with the plot to American Pie 7. Yes.
There we go. Old people.
American Pie, old people. You know what would be cool? If you took a cup of noodles and then you cut a little hole in the bottom like you see people doing the movie theater with popcorn.
Yeah. Diner.
And then you're just like, hey, you want some of the soup? Oh, my God. This is a sausage soup.

Joke's on you.

All right.

So that's it.

Jilly.

Silly Jilly.

Thank you so much. Thank you, guys.

Jill.

Enjoy.

Enjoy the parade.

I'm so excited.

And we're excited to see the video content that comes out of it.

We'll see it.

Love you guys. Bye.
I'm going to call it over. I'm going to call it over.

I'm going to call it over.

I'm going to call it over.

I'm going to call it over.

I'm going to call it over. I'm going to call it over.
I'm going to call you. All the things that you stay in the light for Just to play my worries away You're all the things I've got to remember Shying away

I'll be coming for you anyway

I'm gonna call it over

I'm gonna call it over

I'm gonna call it Uber.

I'm going to call it Uber.

I'm going to call it Uber.

I'm going to call it Uber.