Christian Yelich, Kawhi Is A Clipper, + Mt Rushmore Of Thrills

Christian Yelich, Kawhi Is A Clipper, + Mt Rushmore Of Thrills

July 08, 2019 1h 31m Explicit

Kawhi Leonard is a Clipper and we're back after a week off. All the fall out from the Kawhi News. Lebron doesn't run the league, everyone runs from Russ, Ballmer and Kawhi are a hilarious duo, everyone's sources were wrong and the NBA offseason is the best (2:28 - 25:28). We won another World Cup not to brag (25:28 - 28:55). Who's back of the week including Peter King eating the trash (28:55- 40:56). NL MVP Christian Yelich joins the show to talk about his VERY unfortunate back injury that keeps him out of Monday's Home Run Derby, if he'll play Tuesday night, and a new bet for the All Star Game to make good on missing Monday's derby (40:56 - 55:14). Segments include the Mt Rushmore of easy thrills, connect the dots what the fuck was up with the Bleacher Report picture, way to stay relevant baseball the Reds wore awesome uniforms Sunday. And a special Monday Reading for our friend Jared Lorenzen 


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Full Transcript

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we have a lot to catch up to. We were gone for a week.
Kawhi is a clipper. We won another World Cup.
We finished NBA free agency. Christian Jelic got hurt and is not in the Home Run Derby we actually have call in and talk to us about excuse me talk to us I'm so excited I'm burping talk to us about not being in the home run derby and little bonus he added a bet so we added a bet you could still watch the all-star game and watch Christian Yelich and hopefully do something amazing we have a pack pack show and the Mount Rushmore thrills.
As we progress through the season, every fan knows that big wins are hard to come by and tough losses are even harder to accept. But you know what isn't hard to accept? Discover.
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card. Okay, let's go.
Now in the street there is violence And then a lot of stuff, work to be done No place to hang out, no washing And then I can't leave all on the sun Oh no, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue. It's Pardon My Take, presented by Barstool Sports.
Welcome to Pardon My Take, presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now, put in code BARSTOOL, and you get $5 to ASPCA.
Today is Monday, July 8th.

Kawhi Leonard's a Clipper.

We won another World Cup and Christian Yelich hurt his back so he's not in the home run

derby.

Holy shit, we are back.

I'd say three of the best things to ever happen to this show over the course of a weekend.

We're back.

I missed you guys.

I just want to say it first.

Same.

Well, I wasn't talking to you.

I was talking to the listeners.

Oh.

I missed all you guys. I miss you, PFT.
Thanks. And Hank and Liam thanks big cat so yeah new year kind of we're being polite to each other uh the the mount rushmore's aren't contentious huh this is at the top of your mind the mount rushmore's because we're not even we're gonna do the mount rushmore thrills i'm just talking about just staying positive and we don't look at the one nine yeah yeah pvo's all right but we got a lot to lot to get to.
Let's start with Kawhi Leonard because it is the biggest story in all of sports. It was a Woj bomb at 2 in the morning on the East Coast right after an earthquake on the West Coast.
An incredible, weird night of NBA, Twitter, this league, hashtag this league. I want to start with this I oftentimes mock this league but the NBA by far and away has the best offseason in terms of the free agency period and players moving around and teams completely changing the course of their like next four to five years in a matter of moments and it happened at two in the morning and it was this league well it's funny because yeah they i guess right now they are changing the course of the teams for the next four years but then next year a lot of these players could just be like i want to trade again yes because that's how much control they have over their destiny but you're right a lot of control with kawaii it was it was good because he was really the last superstar doing this it would have sucked if they had all waited this long sam decker still hasn't signed oh that's a that's a good point.
Sam Decker's still out there. So we're on Decker watch.
Yes, we're on Decker watch. Maybe we can scoop Woj on that.
But it was nice to have the one guy that everyone's waiting for. All the other pieces, for the most part, have fallen into place.
And then the after stories that we got after the Woj bomb dropped at 2 a.m. were pretty incredible about how Kawhi had sent the Lakers in a wild goose chase around L.A.
while he was secretly meeting with other people in town. The Lakers were talking too much.
Weird. Rob Palenka talking about how Heath Ledger, after he died, had a dinner with Kobe Bryant.
Magic Johnson, who is the king of tampering. The dysfunction of the Lakers.
I don't know if Kawhi... There's a couple of different theories out there.
One is that if Paul George doesn't come, if he doesn't get that trade done with Oklahoma City, then Kawhi is probably going to be a Laker. I don't know about that because it always felt like he was never fully comfortable with being part of LeBron's little universe and I know the pitch to Kawhi was always

LeBron would take a step back and he would be it would be Kawhi's team then LeBron showed up to summer league with a hat that literally said LeBron land on the side of it uh but let's start there the immediate reaction that I had was LeBron James does not control this league like he used to and on top of of that, we now have an NBA season next year where you could make the legitimate case, and I'm talking like bar argument case. So, of course, there's probably only four or five teams, but bar argument case you could make for about eight to ten teams.
What's the difference between a regular argument and a bar argument? Like if I'm drunk in a bar. If I'm drunk enough, I can say the Blazers win it all if i'm drunk enough in a bar i can be i can be talked into the blazers right right if i'm sober i'm like you're out of your fucking mind it's probably the clippers the bucks the in the lakers i wanted to make that that distinction so it's like the roger goodell what is a catch rule like if a drunk guy in a bar thinks it then it counts but you couldn't do that before you couldn't now it's not it would just be warriors the league is a lot more exciting.
The West Coast, kind of envy them. It's going to be a tough year for us next year.
I say let's all start saving up on sleep. Keep going.
Let's all start storing. We need to hibernate before the NBA season starts.
You guys should come over and take care of my baby because I was up at 2 in the morning when the Woj bomb came down. I was in Amsterdam, kind of the opposite of taking care.
I was taking care of like i was a bit i needed a like a babysitter look after me and it was about 9 a.m and i looked at it and said woge just broke a story like two hours ago i was like there's no chance that this is correct yep absolutely no chance but yeah so the middle of the night it happened kawaii was taking his he did it like it was a gender reveal like he was that would actually be the most boring gender it would just be him like flipping a coin i think like like heads lakers tails no i think it was never a coin flip i think it was always going to be clippers as long as he had a guy and if not it was i mean there were stories about the the story that came out that kawaii personally called kevin durant before free agency that's what we tried to pitch him which is the what the biggest thing what we found out is Kawhi Leonard is both mysterious and also very calculating because the fact that he was openly courting you know Kevin Durant right before free agency called him and Kevin Durant even said we're not friends like that he called me personally and said I want to be your teammate we'd be perfect together he was doing with Jimmy Butler that fell through you know there was talk about Russell Westbrook and Paul George being traded to Toronto. Like all kinds of crazy things.
But at the end of the day, it felt like Kawhi, in credit to him, was like, I want this exactly. And I'm going to go about it my way and not have leaks.
It was the one time where you basically, all the experts were guessing. And we'll get to some of the experts, the quote-unquote experts that I have a problem with, but all the experts were guessing because Kawhi kept it so close to the vest the entire time.
It was pretty clear he was either just going to go to L.A. or he was going to stay in Toronto.
I think he was open-minded enough where he thought to himself that if the Raptors could get something done, that he would be open to staying there. Because all things being equal for someone like Kawhi, sometimes it's better to just stay in a neighborhood that you've kind of gotten to know for the last six months instead of trying to find out and figure out an entirely new city.
Now, the stuff about Kevin Durant was especially weird because you're right. Kevin Durant wasn't like, oh, yeah, me and Kawhi are boys.
I don't think that Kawhi – do you think he he's boys with anybody I think he's just like he just doesn't have that many guys around that he's that he's friends with well we we did the classic you know we always make the joke uh a quarterback and a coach they'll be like oh well this quarterback was in a passing camp back in 2008 and he ran some drills with this coach so they have a connection the Paul George Kawhi connection is hilarious because they basically said they were around the same time in their year apart they grew up kind of like in the same area but it's actually uh an hour or two away from each other yeah they both went to small schools fresno state and san diego states like but is this really a friendship no that's right listing things that are kind of similar right if you go to like fresno state and uh rhode, you're going to keep close track of each other's careers. You're going to be very close growing up, coming up together.
Yeah, it was weird. And then, like you said, Rob Palenka didn't have, I guess Paul Walker couldn't show up for their meeting.
Talked too much. So that would have sealed the deal for Kawhi.
It's going to be funny, though, because he's got a new child star. He's going from Drake to Frankie Munoz, the kid from malcolm in the middle that's the superstar for the clippers do they have any other like superstar fans uh yeah the uh what's that woman's name the um she's like a huge nba fan oh they got clippers guy no the old guy that's the real guy who's the oh fuck search woman clippers fan hank i it's definitely i i see it in my head um fuck what's her name either way i got some things i need to i wrote down that i want to go daryl is a super daryl but there is there is that woman too she's a huge i think billy crystal is clippers fan good good for him yeah i think he is can you find that woman for me all right so i have a list of things i wanted to just throw out there pft kate upton oh this check yeah yes that woman yes what's right penny penny penny something do we have on the rundown penny something james goldstein that he's a fan of the nba he's a this league guy rebecca grant no that's not that's not who we're talking about donald sterling oh oh my god hank i'll do the work for People are probably screaming at this podcast right now.
Real quick, the dots here. This is kind of crazy.
Yeah. Kawhi is going from nurse to Doc.
True. Penny Marshall.
That's wild. Penny Marshall.
Yeah, he is. He loves that health care.
There's a weird rumor that Paul George used to date Doc Rivers' daughter. That's a fact.
That is a fact. And maybe cheated on her.
So that's a this league. That's another this league.
Okay, so here's some things I wanted to throw out there. One, the Rich Paul picture.
So Rich Paul, I think, found out while sitting courtside with Anthony Davis and LeBron James during the earthquake game, the Zion earthquake game, which shout out to the NBA for having having safety first i had the knicks minus four for way too much money because you do weird shit in the summer and you bet nba summer leagues being part of an earthquake canceled game bucket list for not something that you'd ever expect bucket list i mean they were down and i was gonna lose a lot of money on a game i shouldn't have bet on boom earthquake saved me it's kind of soft that they don't, though. It was crazy.
Like the old NBA would. Like the NBA in the 90s with the bad boy Pistons.
So the Rich Paul picture, hilarious. I'm pretty sure he found out while he was sitting there that LeBron does not own this league.
Lakers Twitter. Lakers Twitter had the worst showing, the worst two-week showing of any fan base.
Basically attacking anyone who would say that Kawhi was going anywhere but the Lakers, doing the thing where they had the mural up for Kawhi, they had Kawhi in a Lakers jersey. It was a full-blown, why wouldn't he go to the Lakers? We're the greatest team of all time, even though we haven't made the playoffs in forever.
And then Laker Twitter meltdown after was awesome because they're all mad because the little brothers are winning. Now Clippers get Kawhi and Paul George, the nets get Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving.
The little brothers in the cities are now winning in the NBA. Let me just say the rivalry is back on between the Clippers and the Lakers.
And I mean, the Lakers might very well be better than the Clippers next year. It'll be, it'll be weird to see like, cause obviously there are pieces that need to fit in both places.
Rondo's back with the Lakers, too. I saw Magic Johnson's tweet.
I mean, this is what you wanted when he retired, to be able to tweet freely about people. He just listed all the players that are going to the Clippers and the Lakers, and he threw in JaVale in there about talking about how the balance is shifting.
And he was basically like Kyle Kuzma's defense is the key to the championship. Yeah.
He was probably low was probably low-key. Like, Kuzma's like probably pissing and getting quiet because now he's like, oh, fuck.
Like, all the pressure's on me. And you know what? And he's like the prime guy LeBron's going to blame.
Stayed, right. Now Russell Westbrook wants to be traded, too.
Oh, yeah. All right.
He's made it known that he wants to leave and get out of town. And so, like, where the fuck is he going to go? All right.
So, I wanted to get that. OKC from their perspective i i i feel like if you're an oklahoma city thunder fan first of all you can't really complain that much because you stole the supersonics you're all scabs it does suck though to have paul george basically sign last year when everyone thought he was going to the lakers and i think maybe there was probably a part where it was tampering and adam silver was like hey you can't tamper this openly Paul George you have to stay he he was going to the Lakers.
And I think maybe there was probably a part where it was tampering and Adam Silver was like, hey, you can't tamper this openly. Paul George, you have to stay.
He was the kid. I likened it to the kid who goes to a weird college and all his friends are like, dude, I don't know about that.
And then transfers after you're like, yeah, that makes more sense. The open tampering is like you're home at your parents' place for a short break in college and you're drinking a beer at the kitchen table.
And they're like, just go downstairs into the basement right just get out of sight don't do it in front of me right uh the thunder got i think the most first round picks that's ever been traded five three of them from the clippers two of them from the heat that the clippers had it essentially my favorite part about this trade and it's very different because paul george is in his prime he was third in mvp like he's perfect to match with Kawhi. They're going to be a defensive juggernaut.
But it is perfect that right at the end of the whole Nets-Celtics trade that ruined the Nets when they traded, like, all their picks, the NBA immediately forgets it. It's like, all right, let's trade all of our picks.
Again, I'm saying the Clippers had to do this deal because it was five picks for Kawhi and Paul George together. But it's just funny to watch a team, right as the memory starts to fade from that deal, they're like, okay, let's trade everything.
Yeah, and so they had to do it. The Thunder at the time, I thought, good for them.
They kind of had to do it too. Had to do it.
And they got a shitload of assets back. That's an NBA term that I'm going to use for.
Five assets. And Gallinari.
But then doing that trade pissed off Westbrook so much that they lost him. Because Westbrook seriously has no room in his brain to operate to think like, oh, they had to trade Paul George or else it would have been ruined.
He just feels disrespected now. So now he's going to go nuclear.
Well, he unfollowed Paul George on Instagram. Fuck, that's the first step.
Petty wars. He didn't have to go that far.
I don't think it's going to go nuclear because I think Oklahoma City is such a weird, small market team where they're like, Russ, you did us right by signing this contract. We will figure out a way to trade you somewhere you want to go.
I just can't believe dudes follow other dudes on Instagram to begin with. Yeah, and then they unfollowed them.
But yeah, so Russ, there is a theory, PFT. There's a theory out there.
Russ is, he basically starts every super team because he basically made Kevin Durant leave for the Warriors, and now he's done this again for Paul George to go to the Clippers. Right.
If you play with Russell Westbrook, at some point you're going to be like, I'd rather not play with Russell Westbrook. Yeah, you're going to want to leave town as soon as possible.
So actually, as a Wizards fan, I hope that they find a way to get Westbrook so everybody else on the team wants to leave. Right.
Because his roster stinks. I bet you he's going to go to – I want him to go to Miami because Russell Westbrook and Jay Butt together in Miami, the all-time 44 win never going to go past the second-round team.
Like, they would be a dynasty of that. Yes.
They would give those – like the Crittenden Gilbert Arenas Wizards run for their money in terms of dysfunction. Okay, so the Clippers, I want to talk about the Clippers real quick.
Jerry West, first of all, is Hall of Fame getting the big fish. So he got Shaq, Kobe in the trade.
He basically helped put together the Warriors, and then now he's an executive board member for the Clippers and helped land Kawhi. What's his official capacity in LA? I was trying to figure this out.
Jerry West, I don't think he ever has a job title anywhere that he goes. He's just a guy, and if you say that he's got power, then he's just the fucking man in whatever room that he's in.
I think he just sits in rooms. He's in the logo.
It's just like, oh, it's Jerry West. Everyone bangs their head against the table, and then he's like, hey, what if we just traded for Paul George? And they're like, what? Really? Okay, let's do that.
So Jerry West deserves, I don't know how much credit, but it's just crazy when you look at his resume. The Clippers, having Steve Ballmer be front and center for a title, like they are the favorites now in Vegas.
Kawhi Leonard and Steve Ballmer is the greatest mismatch in emotional energy I'm so excited to watch them interact but in terms of products pretty much exactly the same like I cannot imagine a better spokesperson for Bing than Kawhi Leonard yes he is going to be perfect for that and for like Excel like hi I'm Kawhi Leonard let me talk to you about your macros yes yes that would be great uh yeah but you're right like having Steve Ballmer get energized in the playoffs on the sidelines probably saying some things about the refs that he shouldn't or is not allowed to be saying about the refs that's going to be a shitload of fun to watch next year um and then i had uh the case can be made so you you i wouldn't make this case but kawaii because he is so quiet and-like, he's now screwed over a bunch of franchises.

The Spurs, he definitely screwed over.

Well, the Heat.

What do you mean?

By beating the fuck out of them.

Oh, well, yeah.

The Heat beat them.

But, yeah, yeah.

They went one and one.

But, yeah.

But the Spurs, by leaving them.

I don't think you could say he screwed over the Raptors, but still leaving.

No, but I'm just saying leaving. He screwed over the Thunder by taking Paul George.
Let's be clear. Fans of the Raptors, they're very happy with the way things turned out.
Yeah, they want him to stick around, but they acknowledge that this was like a major rental. Flags fly forever.
Right. The Thunder by stealing Paul George.
The Lakers by drawing out this process and letting them think that they were going to get Kawhi

and then them not being able to sign like J.J. Redick

or any of these guys that would have been great fits.

Yeah.

So he basically is destroying,

he not only destroys super teams,

but he also destroys the teams that he was on

or around his world.

It's beautiful.

It is.

It is.

He is the Terminator.

But because he's so quiet, people love it.

Right.

Exactly. Like if LeBron did this, I'll fully admit that I would roast him forever.
But Kawhi, it's like, that was awesome, man. I think it's because Kawhi doesn't go out there acting like he is the most benevolent person in the world.
Yes. Like LeBron James, to his credit, does a lot of good in the communities.
But he is also the very first to be out there trying to put his name out as like a philanthropist and like a superstar and all that stuff uh kawaii he just keeps his mouth shut and ends up destroying some of the same teams that he was he's like he's kind of like lebron yeah in a lot of ways uh but he's just not as active on instagram now they're now they're sharing the same building and it's going to be awesome to watch and there's going to be big time petty wars because kawaii is the guy if you picked one guy who's like to take down LeBron, it's Kawhi because he has that. Like you can't even figure him out.
You know what I mean? He's he's that silent assassin that is watching them in the same building. It's going to be a Christmas day.
Ready for that? Oh, yeah. Big time Christmas day.
That's next. Lakers.
Yeah. Yeah yeah yeah but yeah that will be great and then uh all

right so the last thing i want to talk about was sources this fucking airy abraham kid i don't even know who it was i didn't know who he was until like after woge already beat him to the scoop and then i did the thing where i had to reverse engineer in my brain who he was and i've never felt dumber after finding out more about a person in my life than who this person is he This sucks.

Listen, to his credit, Leroy did not get anything wrong about the Kawhi transaction, or an NBA free agency for that matter. Leroy is a better NBA insider than him, and that's not even his first job.
But this kid, and also the random Reddit guy who deleted his Twitter account, the Lakers guy the Lakers guy, RD Lakers or something. The amount of people that believed just these random people who said they had inside sources.
And he tweet like it was very, very clear. He said the Clippers are out.
The Clippers are out multiple times. And I wouldn't care.
But he went on a victory lap against everyone and was saying Woj was stupid and calling people out and saying you'll see when it happens and then just did a complete i didn't even i wasn't even wrong it was a material change sources and then jalen rose although jalen rose credit to him i don't know if you noticed but he said 90 he's 99 what he's hearing is kawaii to the raptors so he could just say he was hearing wrong. That's an old trick saying I'm hearing from various sources in league circles anytime somebody says league circles about the NBA or about the NFL then you know it's bullshit because it's usually it's just like a GM or more typically an assistant GM like trying to blow smoke up your ass.
Jalen Rose, 99%.

I'm hearing.

What else are the other ones?

Barring a change of heart.

Yes.

Is another nice one to tack on at the end.

Material change.

Barring a material change,

which this kid is hiding behind.

Either way, credit to the people who basically,

there was a lot of NBA insiders who said,

I don't fucking know because no one knows.

Yeah.

Because Kawhi doesn't know.

Kawhi didn't know until he got Paul George to, you know, that trade basically made up his mind to go to the Clippers. Up until, you know, on July 4th, Kawhi probably didn't know.
He was hoping to go to the Clippers, but he didn't know. Let me just say I reserve all rights to take back all of these takes in the event that Leroy gets something wrong.
Which he does all the time. I will change.
Well, no. Remember, we're both on board for Leroy now.
Okay. Because remember, he doesn't delete tweets.
He doesn't delete tweets anymore. Anymore.
Anymore. He did that.
He did it once, and he learned. He was a bad boy.
Very, very bad boy. He was a bad dog.
It's a new year. New year, remember? Yeah, that's right.
New year. Leroy might have been taking the scoop game a little too seriously.
Well, the nice thing about Leroy is since he's a dog, he gets seven new years every year. So he gets a chance to turn over a new leaf more frequently.
So he's done that. And then finally, the only other thing I wrote down was Oklahoma City last year when Paul George signed with the Thunder, declared July 7th Paul George Day.
So that's kind of awkward. That's today.
There's also this that Kevin Durant announced that he was going to be number seven. Yes.
Probably just so that he could do hashtag servant and have the SB a seven. Or stay mellow.
Or stay me himself. I guess if he just if he cucked Carmelo Anthony's hashtag would be all time.
Lucky number seven. Yeah, that would be nice.
Like a good old fashioned hashtag. Yes.
But he announced it at seven o'clock on seven seven. That's pretty pretty trippy.
That's pretty cool. Whoa.
All right, so that's all. I mean, it was crazy.
This league. And we also didn't even, we missed, because we did Sunday's show, and we missed D'Angelo Russell going to the Warriors and the Warriors.
That was so long ago. It was so long ago, but I just want to say, Clay Thompson, if there's ever a guy who's going to do the Adrian Peterson, how the fuck is he so early from an injury it's Clay Thompson and don't be shocked if next uh spring all of a sudden it's it's Clay Draymond D'Angelo Russell and Steph and being like how the fuck are they doing this again that could happen that's a bar you know what I I yeah it's a bar argument if I was I don't I don't necessarily believe it now but if you got like half a into me, then I'd start to listen.
His game lends itself to that too. Right.
Like he's not going to – he could survive. He won't be the same Clay that we've seen in the years past, but he could survive getting back after like, I don't know, four months off next year and still be a very, very serviceable catch-and-shoot player.
It's all this league. Credit to the NBA.
They do have the best offseason. Yep.
yeah that is the truth and now that we're like done with this off season we can just get ready for football because this is kind of the final okay now we're done let's move on to the real season the football season we'll worry about the nba when the clippers and lakers play on christmas day that's when you like it snaps back in like oh okay here we go these guys are playing do you have any other last thoughts about that i was just gonna say also the this league goes hand in hand with like nba twitter is probably the funniest twitter of any major by far by far by far so it's like the kawaii stuff it was 3 a.m and it's just like every single thing was hilarious yeah for the whole the whole next day nfl better not but the thing with nfl i was thinking about it the thing with nfl is that everything happens in such a compact amount of time that there's like so much it's hard to pay attention. It's not like the NBA the day after a bunch of free agency shit happens.
Everything is funny. The top NBA Twitters are the funniest people.
The beauty about the NFL Twitter, though, is that you have so many people that take it so seriously that don't know how ridiculous they're being. Like when they do this.
That's unintentional. Yes, I know.
The seven round mock drafts that come out in like uh like the day after uh the real nfl draft and they've got trades and shit and they're like we always talk about um the fantasy the guys that are super into daily fantasy that end their ass that's different yeah trying to be those guys people who are trying to be funny the nba twitter they do and this is annoying because they do it. It's annoying when it's in the middle of January.
It's like a buzzer beater or something. Yeah, and someone does a buzzer beater or someone steals a soul.
It's like, get the fuck out of here. I don't care about this.
But this one week where everything is chaos in the NBA, it is awesome to watch. Awesome to watch.
Okay, should we do a little soccer because we won another World Cup well yeah we should we won another world cup we're fucking world dominant right now go pick the ball up out of the ocean losers and that was talking soccer that was talking soccer shout out rose shout out rose rose was here's my hot take about rose she's going to be the next superstar for the women's national team for the next like eight years so in four years and in four years in four years in four years i'm saying that like she's the next alex morgan megan rapinoe she's fucking fast as shit oh yeah yeah i'm sold on skyline chili being like a performance enhancing drug because holy shit she was good um we just we just dominated it was just simple dominance we never we never trailed no it was easy it was actually very unsporting of the united states to never trail in any of these games do you know before the final before the world cup final against netherlands the team that held us scoreless for the longest time thailand really yes in that first half yes we we scored the u.s women's team scored in the first like 12 minutes against everyone except th No, we did in Thailand, but I think we scored a minute number 12. Yeah, it was the latest in the game until the Netherlands parked the bus.
And their goalie was awesome. Yeah, the Netherlands absolutely parked the bus.
So, yeah, that's talking soccer. I don't know what else.
We're going to break down the very strange Bleacher Report collage in segments. Connect some dots.
Yeah. What are you going to say? I was just going to say, what do you think Alex Morgan's going to do now that she won the MVP? She's going to go to Disney World, but she can't because she got kicked out for being super drunk.
That's why she's... Was that Alex Morgan or Hope Solo? No, that was Alex Morgan.
This is like one of the funniest stories of all time. This is, is I think like three years ago um she got booted out of Epcot Center in Orlando for being like breathtakingly drunk yes and just like cussing and swearing at people and telling the cops that she knew the SWAT team she did the beers around the world she did the beers around the world and dominated that just as hard as she dominated the rest of the world so go to Disneyland go to Disneyland go to California Epcot well no part of Epcot? Well, no, but I'm sure they're not going to.
Come on. They don't have security to know.
Disney World, Disneyland. Everyone gets that confused.
That's true. They should just.
You know what they should do? Make good. Be like, tell you what, we're going to let you back into Epcot and you can get as drunk as you possibly can.
Yeah. Like a little competition.
Go to every country, the beers around the world, every country that we beat. You have to drink as many beers against every country's goals he scored against them how many did she score really i think she scored like five against thailand there we go so yeah so she she should do that and let's see how let's do a live stream keep the keep the party rolling yeah i like it uh okay we're gonna get to christian yelich and talk about the fact that he's not doing the home run derby in a minute.
Before we do that, let's do some who's back. I'm sure we have a lot.
Hank, why don't you start? Sure. I do have a few.
The first one is in the same vein of women's sports tennis. Oh, yeah.
Coco Gauff. This has been another incredible thing to watch.
One of those things where the first one, she's a 15-year-old. She won in the the round of 64 and then in her second match to get into the sweet 16 she like came back it looked like it was like oh good story next round she gets blown out she like was down i don't know two sets or whatever she came all the way back at two match points she fought off and then somehow won it's been unbelievable if i guess she's 15 like i guess i guess there have been like a bit of a of 15-year-olds being good at women's tennis.
But it's absolutely incredible. It's like tennis and gymnastics are two sports that you can dominate at the age of 15.
Yes. The Wimbledon, also the Little League World Series, if you say that you're 13.
Yeah, Danny Almonte. Wimbledon, Mount Rushmore of sports to take a nap through.
I've been napping a lot through Wimbledon because it's the green. It's early too.
It's quiet. It's just a little bit of grunts here and there.
But other than that, it's a nice little ease into a nap Wimbledon. All my other who's back is Billy Mitchell.
I'm surprised you didn't start the show with this. Oh, from King of Kong? Yeah.
I saw that. 20-year anniversary of him having the Pac-Man record, he did it again at the same place.
He got a kill screen. He got a kill screen? That's so fake.
Now, was this taped? Is it all on video? There's a picture. I'll send it to the picture.
I don't know. 20 years.
I don't trust Billy Mitchell. If you haven't watched King of Kong's Fistful of Quarters, go watch it right now.
It's one of the greatest documentaries of our time. Yep.
Speaking, part of that documentary, Foul Ball Guy, who streak broke 36 years that he got a baseball at every game he attended. That's really tough.
You've got to feel for the kid like that. I would have loved to see.
I don't think he videotaped this game that he didn't get a ball, but the panic in the eighth and ninth inning must have been insane. You know what? Shout out to him, though, for admitting that.
Yes. Because that's one of those streaks that he could have gotten away with and no one in the world would have known or really cared.
Yes. Except for Marlon's man, if he found out about it.
Actually, we should tell Marlon's man so that he can gloat. Yeah.
Anything else, Hank? Okay. That was a good call on Billy Mitchell.
All-time villain.

All-time villain.

The hot sauce king.

My who's back of the week is Bernard Pollard.

So Bernard Pollard, you might recognize him.

Probably the last time you heard from him was when he was tearing Tom Brady's ACL

when he dove into him and didn't really hear too much else from him.

He's starting to get into the take game.

He tweeted out that Tom Brady was a system quarterback. He tried to get me and Big Cat to have him on part of my take.
Now, this is one of those. That was hilarious.
This is out of nowhere because, like, I have not heard from Bernard Pollard in probably nine years or however long it's been. So he tweets at us, and he's, like, trying to get this discussion going, and he won't let the conversation.
We didn't respond to him.

He and Dan Orlovsky.

I was in Amsterdam.

I was thinking I was hallucinating because 20 times a day,

I was getting notifications on my phone that Dan Orlovsky and Bernard Pollard

were arguing in my mentions.

And talk about a buzzkill, like having to see what they're talking about.

I muted the conversation.

In the middle of everything Amsterdam has to offer.

It was horrendous. They just would not stop it but it got me thinking like after seeing those notifications pop up so much it was like maybe tom brady really really is a system quarterback it was uh the case where you like go into a movie and one of your group chats pops off your group text chain pops off and you get out and there's 250 texts and you're like oh someone died nope it's just bernard pollard and dan orlovsky sitting there debating tom brady as a system quarterback getting into stats for it was hundreds of tweets and other people hopped in and it i'd say after the third day it was a tire fire yeah it just wouldn't go out well i thought it went out it didn't go out kept going i woke up and i was like i need to mute this conversation i can't handle it anymore i was seriously looking down at my phone i was in a coffee shop and i was getting all these buzzes and drug guy no i'm not a drug guy but when in rome i was taking out my phone and like trying to follow along with what they're arguing i could not understand how the fuck in the year of our lord 2019 it's crazy we're arguing about like it's Tom Brady and Johnny Moxon, two biggest system quarterbacks of all time.
Everyone knows that. Crazy.
My other who's back of the week is NASA. Okay.
NASA's back in a big way, and you remember how last year when I came back – I don't know if I've mentioned this on the show already, but I was in Europe. Sure, guy.
But when I came back, I brought Levi's to the United States. I started that trend of people wearing Levi's shirts.

It's still going strong, by the way, coast to coast, not only here, but also overseas.

I've spotted the next one, the next Levi's.

NASA shirts.

NASA shirts are fucking everywhere in Europe.

I don't understand why.

I don't pretend to know why these things happen,

but as a fashionista, I was cursed with an eye for noticing these details. Do you think it was ironic or unironic wearing of NASA? Ironic would have been if they were wearing Space Force shirts.
Right, but maybe those aren't on the market yet. They're not, but these NASA shirts were everywhere.
I'm talking like in some of the fanciest stores, they had NASA t-shirts that were being sold for like $99. And you weren't hallucinating? I'm not sure.
I can't be too confident, but I'm willing to roll the dice on it and start wearing NASA shirts. Okay.
So they're wearing NASA shirts in Netherlands? Yes, they absolutely are. That's what we got from that.
What about in Scotland? Well, no, no, no. Everywhere.
Everywhere that I went in Europe. Which is two places.
Well, no, because I was...

Come on, pig cat.

I also had a two-hour layover in Paris.

Oh, okay.

And in the airport, I saw NASA shirts there, too.

NASA shirts.

All right.

So NASA's back.

NASA's back in a big fucking way.

All right.

My who's back is Peter King.

Peter King.

Uh-oh.

Holy shit.

PFT, you were in Netherlands.

I don't know if you saw this, but Peter King with the all-time...

Drug guy.

Eat the trash.

Yeah, eat the trash. The 30 for 30 on Joey Chestnut and Kobayashi was awesome.
And he – I actually knew this was coming because Peter King has had this take every single year, every July 4th. He hates the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating competition.
But here's what he wrote. ESPN and 30 for 30 franchise has done some really great docs in journalism.
A shame that as at least a fifth of children in America go to bed hungry nightly, they're highlighting gluttony, treating someone who overeats excessively as a competitive athlete. Truly disgusting.
That's a good take. Really good take.
Good take. No, he does it.
So every year he does it, but he usually buries it in his mmqb column right that you have to read it's like number uh letter j dot three of his 10 things that he thinks that he thinks which are actually like 40 things yes and it's like i wish that we didn't do the nathan's hot dog eating it is unbelievable to watch where peter king draws the line putting a serial rapist into the. Okay.
Darren Sharper. Eating too many hot dogs on 4th of July? Nuh-uh.
Don't do it. Covering a sport for 30, 40 years, whatever he's covered, where guys are dying from brain injuries and everything and basically carrying the NFL's water? Okay.
Watching Joey Chestnut eat 71 hot dogs on July 4th? Uh-uh. That's Peter King's line.
Nope. And also appearing on part of my take.
And appearing on part of my take when he decided to just get woke all of a sudden. Yeah.
After we bought you two fucking In-N-Out burgers, Peter, and you didn't pay me back. I want that money back.
We bought him two In-N-Out burgers at the 49ers camp, and we watched Tiger almost win the PGA Championship all-time moment. We shared a moment, and then you went and decided to do that.
Also, Peter, I've purchased you a Mad Dog before, so that's another $2.49 that we're going to need back. Isn't he not supposed to take gifts as a journalist? As a journalist, he's not supposed to, but sometimes...
I think there's a shake involved, too. Sometimes the belly gets a rumbling.
Yes. I bought you a Starbucks one time, Peter, when you came to our office, and me and you were going to do a show together.
Wow. Wow.
Interesting. For shame.
But no hot dogs. And then our nemesis, whatever, on again, off again, in front of me, I don't know what to call him, Revell, was like, actually, Nathan like a hundred thousand hot dogs he will actually just shoot out of him yeah it was such a great dunk on him because peter king deciding that hot dog eating competitions are too much peter king you don't think you've never eaten past when you were full peter king yeah is that what you're telling me right now okay peter do you do you like ever look at porn and you're like this is disgusting there are millions of incels out there that can't have sex and won't have sex God damn it, Peter, do you ever look at porn and you're like, this is disgusting.
There are millions of incels out there that can't have sex and won't have sex. God damn it, Peter King.
All right, my other who's back is Psycho Jake Arrieta. So quickly he got into a little, I don't know what it was, beef on the field with Todd Frazier and afterwards said that if they see each other, he'll put a dent in his skull.
So Jake Arrieta, Psycho Jake. I love Psycho Jake.
No, I love Psycho. He's not pitching well.
So the psychoness isn't as cool. Yeah, it hurts.
I'm going to call him Weird Jake until he strains this out. You know one of those guys who, when he does something amazing for one of your teams, no matter what he does after that point, you're just like, I love that guy.
So when he walks around saying he's going to put a dent in people's skull, I'm just like, you know what? I still love that guy. He did a greatness for your city.
Yeah, it's like, what are you going to do? You're going to turn a blind eye to it. I still love that guy.
Okay, let's get to the man, the NL MVP of last year, who is not doing the Home Run Derby. Fuck.
Damn. Well, let's find out why with Christian Yelich.
We're going to get right back to the show.

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We're going to get right back to the show.

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USAA. All right, back to part of my take.
Here he is, Christian Yelich. Okay, we now welcome on our good friend, reigning NL MVP, and unfortunately not a competitor in the Home Run Derby tomorrow night.
It is Christian Yelich. Christian, let's start with the most important thing that's going on, your back, your health.
I want to make sure that you're okay. How's it feeling? Talk us through it.
I'm just praying for you, man. No, I'm all right.
I'll be fine. I tweaked it a little bit last night in the game and then just woke up this morning and realized I wasn't going to be able to participate and I was super, super bummed

out about that for a number of reasons.

Me too.

It wasn't meant to be. It wasn't meant to

be this year, but you just said if you

ever. It could be this year,

it could be next year, it could be 10 years from now.

It could be forever until I'm done

playing baseball. That's the beauty of the whole thing.

It felt like it was a this year thing.

Let me just say, I'm also very bummed. The whole thing is tainted.
It's going to get a while to get this bad taste out of my mouth. It's a tough thing for us to get to on the show as well.
Hank was saying earlier that he didn't think that next year would count. Hank's been the one that's been pushing this on us this year, but for whatever reason, he doesn't think that it's a lifetime bet.
you know what i was i i wanted to agree with you christian but hank made some good guys if you if you check the tape that's that's what it's a it's a lifetime they said if you ever so we're good you know it's just a little disappointing it's not going to be in the immediate future it's just it's going to happen though listen i though. Listen, future me can deal with that.
I have no problem. A year from now, it's fine.
We're literally doing the exact same thing we did last year. Because when I said it last year, I was like, there's no way a year will come.
And right now, as I'm sitting here July 8th, 2019, next year is not going to come either. So I'm fine.
So, you know you you're not able to compete do you think that you

would have won because it's a stacked field but you you were confident huh how how unable to compete aren't you is a better question i mean i don't know if i would have like were you like i could like if it was the playoffs if it was the playoffs it was a home run derby playoffs like kirk gibson went out there with one leg.

I'm going to still try and play in the game.

Oh, thank God.

Thank God.

I can't know if I would have won, but even if I didn't win, just making you guys sweat would have made it worth it, and it would have made it worth it to everybody who's been following along with this thing over the past year. I think it was split 50-50 on people that actually wanted to see it happen and people that just wanted to see you sweat and then get let off the hook at the end.
But the is... Yeah, I got a waxing and a bleaching.

Yeah.

Can I send you an invoice for that?

No, because you'll still be good for it in a year.

You know, you're just getting ahead of it.

And probably the more that it happens, the better off that you'll be.

That bleaching's not going to last for a year.

I don't think that much.

You're right.

You're right.

There are...

A lot of people want to make us sweat.

There are a weird group of people on Twitter that I actually think want to see this happen. Yeah.
Well, Hank's one of them. Yeah.
That's it's weird. It's very weird.
So you're going to try to play in the all-star. No, he's going to play.
You're going to play in the all-star. First report here.
He's going to play on Tuesday night. You've hit 31 home runs this year.
I think that you're making the smart call. You don't want.
First of all, if you compete in the home run derby, there's a chance you could ruin your swing. I know you've said before, well, there's a chance it could happen, so I'm really glad that it's not.
Do you think that you can break the record this year? The real record, the 61 record? I don't know. I mean, that's a lot of home runs.
We only have like 70-something games left. I mean, that's like a home run every other day.
So I don't know. It'll be tough for sure.
But, you know, we'll see. You never know what could happen.
We didn't think we'd be sitting here a year ago today. So I'm not going to say what will not happen anymore because you never know.
I think I learned that lesson from you guys, actually. Yeah, 56 home runs since the last time when you were on.
You you've been on in between but you were on last year at the all-star game in washington dc from that point till this point you've hit 56 home runs which is insane i'll hand up i never thought you had it in you you did tell us you said i have a beautiful home run swing and apparently just stood up in your in your uh stance maybe that's's hurting your back. Maybe you need to start slouching more and go for more contact.
Singles, stay in your lane, bro. Oh, man.
So, you know what? I told you this earlier when we were texting. I'm just sorry to disappoint people.
I really just didn't want to do that. I wanted to get it.
I was really looking forward to just the night, the show, everything that comes with it, everything that was, you know, been leading up to this point. So it's disappointing that it has to take a backseat for a year.
But you know what? We'll have our day. What if you're not good next year? Yeah, what if you're not invited next year? The beauty of it is we have the rest of my career.
So this has to be like one more year in my career. I have to be good.
I have to just figure it out for one year. It doesn't have to be next year, two years from now, ten years from now.
You never know. Oh, you're doing that.
Okay. So you're going to make us sweat every single summer? Okay, yeah, that's fine.
No, I actually think we should – let's clarify the bet right here and now. I think it only should count for the one time.
Like, you can't do the home run derby every year. I think it should be a home run derby the next one you do when you have to enter it and play in it, and that will be the bet.
I don't think that's for us to decide. I think that's for the people to decide.
Well, Christian, did you listen to the actual words that we said? Something of that magnitude is not for our three minds to decide. That's what goes out to the people.
And the voice of the people, whatever they think is fair, is fair. Well, they're obviously going to want us to eat each other's assholes.
It's so weird. It's so weird.
I don't want that. I think they are.
It's so weird. All right.
So you're not going to be in the Home Run Derby on Monday.

Now, some people are saying that I did something to you, that I hurt you.

Do you want to use your time right now to clear the air that I didn't, you know,

Jeff glue you and I wasn't in Pittsburgh and there isn't any funny business?

I didn't pay you off?

No, you're in the clear.

Nothing fishy happened. Just, you know, your lucky stars aligned and just wasn't meant to be this year you got yeah i got let off the hook and uh yeah it's just it's just something a freak little incident in the game and uh yeah you just you got lucky you're in the clear you know what's crazy is i actually the most nerve-wracking time was we were texting on Saturday talking about you coming on the show on Sunday and that's when you told me that your back was acting up I thought you were fucking with me the whole time I still think you're there's like a 0.01 percent of me that thinks in the most dramatic fashion ever you're gonna show up on Monday night and be like haha, ha-ha, got you guys.
I'm actually doing the Home Run Derby. So I'm still woke on that.
That would be a pretty cool way to go about it. I didn't think of that.
But if I did, that would have been pretty awesome to have everybody be in on it. But unfortunately, you're going to be all right.
And I know you're probably going to have that little voice in the back of your head until it's official. But, yeah, I won't be running out there, but that would have been pretty awesome.
So if this were to happen, let's just say that in an alternate universe, or maybe you're just playing us and you're going to show up tomorrow and hit 27 home runs in each round, would you watch me and Big Cat fulfill our end of the bet? No, I would not. I'd feel too bad.
Come on. I really just wouldn't want to see it.
You would have to look, though. Curiosity would get the best of you.
No, see, you guys made that bet, that bed, you know, that you guys got to do what you got to do after that i you know i i'm doing my end so the rest is uh the balls in your court on that one okay so christian you you did mention that you feel bad and you let a lot of people down who wanted to watch this home run derby and um it feels like it feels like the death of something here because this was going to be a big moment.

And with every, you know, what's the old saying?

With every new beginning.

Every time a guy closes a door, he opens a window.

So what would you think about Hank maybe getting a cat

so we bring another life into this world to make everyone a little happiness?

What if you hit a home run in the All-Star game

and Hank has to get a cat?

Yeah.

You want him to get a cat? Why does he need to get a cat get a cat is that something going on hanks has always wanted a cat we're just doing all one song every bet's the same so if you hit a home if you hit a home run in the all-star game with your bad back should hank have to get a cat absolutely absolutely i mean hank we'll have to put it on the board. You're only going to get one at bat, right?

Like, that's usually it's one at bat and then you're out.

Yeah, one or two.

What if you hit two home runs, Hank?

Hank, if he hits two home runs in the All-Star game, will you get a cat?

Sure.

There we go.

There it is.

We got something.

All right, Christian.

We got something out of this.

We are counting on you.

We got something.

All right, I got one last question for you, Christian.

You've got to hit two home runs in this All-Star game.

We really parlayed this.

Nice from having to lick each other's buttholes into Hank having to get a pussy.

We're not out of this. We are counting on you.
We got something. All right, I got one last question for you, Christian.
You got to hit two home runs in this all-star game. We really parlayed this.
Nice from having to lick each other's buttholes into Hank having to get a pussy. Will you tell Dave Roberts that you have to get a second at bat if you hit a home run in the first one? That's up to Dave.
We'll see how it goes down, but I don't think anybody would mind that. Damn, that would be so good.
All right, I got one last question. It's a SeatGeek question.
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It's going to be great for the game. It's really just a fun night for television.
Yeah, put in promo code TAKE, dollars off your sea geek purchase all right the boat in pittsburgh yeah tell us that story what happened well we're we're practicing we're out there practicing for it um trying to get everything down the four minute the four minute format and the breaks and just you know we wanted to go about it and um we're practicing in pitt and they have the short or right field with the river in the back. You know, people had their boats out there for the Fourth of July weekend and all that.
I guess we broke a window or two out there on someone's boat, and they thought people were throwing balls over the fence and throwing them at their boat. And so they called the cops, and I guess the cops called somebody at the stadium, and the head clubhouse guy at the stadium told them, no, we were taking batting practice for the home run derby, so they canceled the dispatch for the 9-1-1, and I guess they told the guy tough luck.
But, yeah, we really got the cops called when I was practicing. You know, that's what really made me.
I was actually starting to get excited for this thing after that. I was like, oh, this actually might go well because practice was going awesome.
We were doing really well. We had a good flow, and you guys were definitely in trouble.
How many home runs did you hit in the simulated dirt? 21. That sounds like a lot.
I'm not sure what the format is because you always tinker with it, but that sounds like a lot. That's good to know.
So we'll see if Vlad Jr. hits 22 tomorrow night.
Then we would have won it. In the first round, we wouldn't even have to worry about it.
Yeah, that's what we got into practice. I don't know what would have been the real thing, but we tried to simulate it as much as possible.
We came out with 21, but, yeah, we'll just have to see how it all plays out. You know, I guess we'll never know this year, but hopefully at some point in the future we get to find out.
Last question for me. I noticed that during the playoffs, during the NBA playoffs, you chugged that beer a lot faster than Aaron Rodgers.
Do you feel like you're the true alpha in that town? No, he's done a lot more, but I was definitely proud that I was able to get through that whole thing in front of all those people. No matter how many beers you've chugged in your life, until you've got to do it in front of like a packed stadium where everybody's watching you around a Jumbotron, like it's a whole nother level of chugging.
And you don't really know if you can get through it until you tell you to do it um in those circumstances and i think if you watch the video at the end there's like a little part where like i almost don't make it and then i do and that's kind of that's kind of like the spontaneous reaction when my arms go up because i didn't know i kind of started to panic there at the end i didn't know if i was going to get through, but we did. Yeah, definitely got through it.

All right, Christian, thank you.

Hit a home run on Tuesday night.

Are you going out tonight?

You're in Cleveland.

Is your back good enough to go out?

I got friends and family in town, so we'll see what we end up doing. Yeah, you deserve it.

We'll probably get out and do some stuff.

Yeah, you can walk around.

You're fine.

You just can't do a home run derby.

Oh, one last, last question.

What's the plan for the NL Central this year?

We're all just going to suck our way to someone winning the division?

I guess we just wanted to keep it tight until the sprint to the finish like last year.

Yeah, I mean, it could be any of the five teams that end up winning that thing.

So we'll see how it plays out. All right.
Thanks for calling in, Christian. Best of luck watching the Home Run Derby tomorrow night.
That's going to be fun. We're going to miss seeing you.
Let's be honest. I was looking forward to watching you play because it's a lot of fun to watch that swing years.
Yeah, and I just want you to be healthy, though. I your health i don't care about any of this other stuff this is these bats they're stupid when it comes that health is the most important thing for you right hey you're both two noble gentlemen you know what can i say but yeah thanks christian uh you know looking forward to it thanks christian stay healthy guys good talking to.
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Sad. Hank is so upset.
I'm trying to be the voice of the people here. You think that I actually did something.
You were like the ways that you skirt out of.

I didn't skirt out of anything.

You guys mentioned how you were texting.

Like, oh, you know, he said I heard something in the game.

And you're like, you texted me on Saturday.

Yeah.

It almost appears as if he got caught in his own lie.

I did say.

There's no lie.

No, he heard something on Saturday in the game.

He didn't play on Sunday.

And I told him, as a guy who's had back injuries, don't fucking risk it, man.

And listen, when you look at great players, so many of them have hurt themselves trying to come back from a back injury too early. Yes.
Dwight Howard. Me.
2018-19 pickup. Larry Bird.
He sucks at coaching now. Oh, speaking of Dwight Howard, by the way.
Did you see he got traded again? We forgot to mention that. Yeah, that's right.
Dwight Howard is now in Memphis. No, no.
He's going to get cut. They got bought out, yeah.
He's going to get bought out. and then we're hall of fame teammate lakers yo no yeah oh he needs to go to he needs to go to miami with jay butt and russell westbrook yeah uh all right so hank i'm sorry i had nothing to do with this the people i know they're upset but guess what you get a whole other year of sending me and pft ridiculous gifts every time christian yellow ch hits a home run.
Also, Hank, you would have been the person that would have had to edit the video of me and Big Cat licking each other's bubbles. Yeah, no one was happier than me.
I'm just voicing the voices right now. No, you seem upset.
Hank, remember the time when we had— It's more—I'm not upset. I'm just, you know, I'm curious.
Hank, remember the time when George Brett, we had him in the studio and we did the uh chili down our diapers and i forgot that the gopro was in the bathroom and i got completely naked and wiped my ass on the gopro and you had to watch the footage and delete it think about that times a million yeah or you could pawn it off that actually happened but bubba you remember the time when i filmed a happy birthday video for mike greenberg of me getting into the bathtub naked and i I made you edit out my balls, and it turns out there was more than just my balls on it? Like, nobody wants to be going through this footage and turning it into shareable, snackable memes for the internet, okay? Yeah, there's no market for that. That would have been you.
That would have had to do it. So you should be more thankful than anybody out there.
But yeah, a it's a real shame it's crazy that it happened let me just say all guys only one guy gets hurt let me just say as a as a fan of not tasting big cats asshole let me be the first person to say that it's just such a weird coincidence that this happens the day before the dirt the fact that he's playing is oh he's playing and he's gonna hit two home runs It's embarrassing. If he hits two home runs, what will you do? I'll get a cap, because I'm a man of my word.
I wouldn't have skirted. Are we in skirted? I wouldn't have fucking hit him up and been like, Hey, Christian, I know we're boys.
I just had a kid, so I really don't want to eat big PFT's ass on camera. Oh, my God.
You think that Christian Yelich pulled out of the home run derby because I said that to him? No, I mean, you sound suspicious, though. I want to just say for the record, now, I was happy to do it because, like, this is kind of the knots that we've got ourselves tied into over the course of the show.
But if you go back and you listen to the actual conversation. You already had planned.
You guys were going to fail. Well, we were going to kill ourselves.
No, but, like, when you hear the actual words that were said, Big Cat was the one that promised that we'd eat each other's asses. I was just going to lick a crow's butt hole.
Wait, wait, we're a team. Come on.
But I'm saying, but I put that aside and said, you know what? For the sake of the show, I'll agree that I was part of this bet. I would have had quite a moment of reckoning right there where I could have tried to pull out loud and I wasn't going to.

Do you know the real conversation we had?

I'm going to pee.

Everyone can peek behind the curtain.

The real conversation we've had.

I had.

We had a conversation where we said we will cut a slice of flesh off of each other's asses and put it in a chili and become cannibals.

Yeah, we're going to probably do that.

We were going to become cannibals instead of so I wouldn't have to like put my tongue into his fart box.

Now we have a whole year and that's not we're fine yeah we're good we don't have to worry about that a year from now you know like the weird stuff that modern medicine and science will come up with in a year we have a whole football season exactly we'll be fine all right let's get to our mount rushmore uh today's mount rushmore is brought to you by Kingsford Charcoals, the taste of the game featuring 30 regional dishes inspired by the team, cities, and flavors of Major League Baseball. It's grilling season.
Go check it out right now, kingsford.com slash tasteofthegame. You've got to be grilling with Kingsford all summer long.
If you're not grilling with Kingsford, I send it back. Okay, Mount Rushmore of thrills.
I'm up first. Yeah.
I'm up first. Okay.
one this is very open yes this is very open end i'm gonna go with uh it's not my favorite one but i think it's the one that i have to do is the first pick it's the thrill of victory and when your team wins a big game whether you're at the game whether you're watching with your friends nothing like having a championship, a big game, or you're even playing like intramural sports, whatever it may be. The thrill of victory is the number one thrill in my mind.
Okay. That's a good one.
Okay. Kind of vanilla, but it's good.
Well, you got to go. I'm going to go with a cop car that's behind you going around you.
Okay. And realizing that it's not there for you.
It's for someone okay you know maybe drops a little you were breaking the law maybe you have something in your car if you're in europe uh it's just such a thrilling experience okay you got two oh fuck i forgot i had two yeah um don't say don't say the you say subway no sneaking into a concert or sporting event, like a big event. Butter knife thing.
Whether, yeah. Maybe you have a butter knife, you've got a back door you can sneak to.
But even if it's jumping over a fence and running away from the guards, or you're just going to jump over, it's a thrill. You get the butterflies in your stomach, and it's like, all right, we're going for this.
That dude on The Bachelor was probably psyched to get out of there. Yep.
That's a good one. That's a good one.
Sneaking into places is one of my favorite teenage activities. Yes.
And my second one, I will go with betting outside your means. Ooh, yes.
So if either you're at Vegas or you have some money or you're down a lot and you're like, I'm down like 500 bucks. If I lose, I'm going to just bet 500 and go back to even.
Or if I lose, I can't pay it. Yep.
That is a thrill. Betting is a thrill, but betting outside your means is an even bet.
Yeah, being like way over your skis with a bet that you have to put your tongue inside your friend's butthole, like something like that, not losing that is quite a thrill. I agree.
Okay, PFT? Buying drugs for the first time. Ooh, that's a good thrill.
Well, no, I'm not a drug guy. But buying drugs for the first time is absolutely, it is a drug in itself.

It's like the rush that you get after the transaction's over.

It could be the world's shittiest drugs, but you're like super excited.

You're like, oh my God, I did this.

I did it. Okay, that's a good one.

All right, so I got two here.

I'm going to go with.

That's something millennials have kind of killed because now there's like apps and shit.

And weed is legal.

But you still have your first time. I'm sure your first time no matter what app you're using is still very exciting um finding the best parking spot so the first parking spot the best parking spot boom it opens up boom that's like the best thrill when you're just driving around oh right there right next to the the store the the stadium wherever it may be um we'll see i feel like a big dad move you'll see if this happens to you i feel like a big dad move is just parking as far away as possible be like it's good to walk well the dad move is insisting that you will find a parking spot when you won't like just circling and circling and circling for an hour and being like no one will open up and be like hey we could just pay ten dollars for parking but finding a parking spot when like there's if you're going to a game and you have to pay everywhere else it's like 60 bucks and you find one right in front oof what a thrill that's a good one um and they're like the first cousin to that is coming back to a parking spot that you thought might have been too good and maybe your car got towed turning around that corner and seeing your car yes like oh that's a good one yeah when you park and you read all the signs and you still don't quite know you're like oh this is too good to be true um okay how about my next one i'm gonna go with missing a step in the dark when you miss a step on the staircase in the dark and you're like oh my god i'm gonna fall forever and you land and you land it you're like oh shit that was awesome yeah what about you know what's always awkward is the phantom step after you get to the bottom yeah that's the same one yeah yeah and like you take an extra one and you're like oh okay it's like skydiving yeah for a brief second you're like oh yeah skydiving for the least athletic person on the plane but yeah it's excellent okay um my next one it's it's the uh the second that the static starts to fade out on the title screen for your favorite HBO show when it's an all-new episode.
The second in between that and when the show starts itself. When you hear that moment of silence before the theme song of your new favorite show.
Did you remember that tweet? What's the song that first comes to mind when you see the static? When it goes like, woke up this morning. Okay, yeah.
I want it to be that, but for me it's, oh, no. No, mine's.
That's what mine is. That's what mine is.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
But yeah, that's what you're saying Yeah yeah

Yeah yeah

But yeah that's

What's your mind

Here's The Wire

My second is Big Little Lies

Yeah Sopranos

When you walk through the garden

By the way Meryl Streep's back

And she's a bad bitch

And she's fucking shit up

Don't spoil it bro

The Monterey Five

Are just

Don't spoil it

They're head over

They have no idea what's going on

I thought she was always in it

No Meryl Streep

She's in season 2 edition

She's back

She's queen

She's a new ad

I thought she was in the cast

Season 2

No she's slaying season 2

Thank you. what's going on.
I wasn't. I thought she was always in it.
No Meryl Streep. She's in season two edition.
She's back. She's queen.
She's a new ad. I thought she was in the cast for season two.
No she's slaying season two. She's like in in Parks and Rec when they brought in Rob Lowe and they just kept him around.
He was nice. Yeah.
OK Hank you have two to finish. I have to wait.
No I I've only done three. Yes.
Yeah. That's how a snake draft works.
OK. I do too.
Then I go, okay. How do we fuck it up every time? Drug guy.
Not a drug guy. I will say drinking too much, like completely blacking out, waking up on like your friend's couch or floor or something.
Yeah. And waking up and checking your pants to see if your wallet and phone isn't there.
Yeah. Like that, that wake up of like you're still drunk probably you wake up you're like holy fuck i don't remember getting home like i don't even know where i am for a second where's my phone and wallet that that is a thrill in itself of like oh my god do i have my shit add on if you extra thrill if you charge your phone somehow if you've managed to if drunk you figured out how to put in your phone into the phone charger it it's like the greatest thrill.
And then walking into the room of your friends being like, so what happened? And then realizing that you didn't do anything to embarrass yourself. That's a nice thrill, too.
And then my last one, I will just go jumping headfirst off a cliff. Oh, very relatable.
Into water. Very relatable.
Okay, and surviving? Yeah, into the ocean. Oh, of course.
Hanks was just jumping off a cliff. No, it's...
You forgot to add in the part about the water. That three seconds.
Until the end. Yeah.
Right before you go splat. Okay.
I'm sure that would be a throw too, but yeah, jumping off a cliff. You got the adrenaline rush.
You know, you get the butterflies in your stomach. Yes.
Yeah. Okay.
All right, my last one is when you realize that it's not a handoff, but you recognize that it's a flea flicker. When the running back.
He's going deep. Yeah.
When the running back tosses back, everybody who's watching the TV stands up. They're like, oh, shit.
Yes. They're going to throw the ball.
Yes. The going deep thrill.
Yeah. All right.
My last one is going to be winning a bet that was a sure, sure, sure loser. Like dead in the water.

You have an over and it comes back out of nowhere where you just wrote it off.

That is an all-time thrill.

Yeah, my last one, my extra honorable mention was Pick 6 backdoor cover.

Yeah, Pick 6 is a great thrill.

I threw in for honorable mentions.

First kiss.

That's a thrill.

That's a little like teenage thrill. The perfect beer, the Shawshank beer.

When you have like that perfect moment and delicious. Maybe after a round of golf.
Yeah. Mowing the lawn.
Mowing the lawn. Finding the onion ring in your French fries.
That one onion ring. That's pretty good.
Sometimes I get disappointed, though, because some places have subpar onion rings. Yeah.
Very, very good fries. Trying to sneak into work late.
Yeah. Not make an excuse, but just like, I'm just going to go for it.
That's a good one. Getting into any kind of verbal argument that gets your blood going, whether it be for a parking spot or at TSA.
Just barely getting your flight. Just barely getting your flight.
Just barely making your flight. I've done that a number of times recently.
Winning a big horse bet. There's nothing like winning a horse bet because it's just, it's so fast and you never win and so when you do it's incredible really it's like such a party atmosphere the only big horse bet that i've ever won in my life was the very first one that i made when me and you were at the joe's on weed in chicago yeah we hit the first one and that was very thrilling but i didn't realize i it kind of did me a disservice yes because i didn't know what a thrill it should be like west virginia tracks shooting uh the actually hitting one of those clay frisbees with a gun yeah first first time i ever did it i hit on the first shot and i was like i'm the greatest shooter alive i felt like mark walbert crushing a crushing a golf shot yep when you like when you just that one shot you hit perfectly finding a lost dog if you ever lost a dog, the second you see that pup, that woofer.
Okay, yeah. No.
How about this for a little real cheap, very easy thrill? When you have that rock that you perfectly kick down the road, down the sidewalk, and you're like, it's going with you the whole time, and it just stays straight on so you don't have to deviate just a nice little cheap that's pretty um running out of gas run is a thrill not running that's what like yeah teetering that edge between the the eighth of a tank and you can make it right there if you can make it if you pull into wherever your next home bases and you're like oh shit yeah now i have to make it yes that one's a good thrill um yeah i wrote down the having having uh a bet where you have to eat someone's ass and then the hormone derby guy pulls out right before. Yeah.
24 hours before. That's quite a thrill.
Great thrill. Personal experience.
Great thrill. The last nacho.
You know the nacho that you've been saving the entire time you've been eating it because it's got a little bit of cheese, a little bit of sour cream. You guys have just said a lot of things.
Hank, Hank, trust me. The last nacho, getting to it is a thrill.
Yeah, these are thrills, Hank. Thrill? Well, you should have said the one.
That sounds like satisfaction. When you just barely make the train, that's a big-time thrill.
It's a thrill because when you're walking down the train and the train is pulling up, you know that if, and the swipes don't always hit. You've got to swipe a few times.
And you know that you've got to swipe it first time and fucking get on that train that's a that's a thrill that is a thrill the last nacho is more of like a satisfaction no it's a thrill i made it hey that's a thrill all of us can't leave extreme triple x surging off rocks like you you're basically living in a mountain dew commercial over there do the do we have to embrace what we can yeah uh nailing an ollie the last one i had dunking is a It's a pretty big thrill. For sure.
Sending a late night text and seeing the dots pop up. Oh.
Oh. You do that? No.
I mean, it's a thrill. Wow.
Jake, put that on his mouth rush board so we can tweet that out. Hank told us before.
He's like, this is obviously not me, but this is a thrill that would be relatable. I mean, just because I have a girlfriend now doesn't mean that I didn't not want to have a girlfriend.
And that, when you don't have a girlfriend, is a thrilling moment. The catchers are catching the eyes at the bar.
That's a thrill. When that girl, boom.
The eye contact. Can't relate to that.
Okay. Eyes at a bar.
No, not for you.

That's a thrill.

That is a thrill.

All right.

Any tweet us?

We probably missed a bunch of them.

So.

No, I think that's about it.

Yeah, that's probably about it.

Maybe.

Sitting down on your couch.

Sitting down on your couch.

Yeah, it's pretty.

I mean, it is.

It is.

Listen, if there's about to be a game that you've been looking forward to watching like an entire week and and you see that ass groove on your couch and you park yourself, that's great. Here's one.
How about going into the bathroom at an airport right after it was cleaned? That's a thrill. Yes, it is.
Yes, it is. You got to take a shit, and you got that chlorine smell, and you're like, this place is awesome.
That is like a nice surprise. How much more of a nice surprise is that? It's a thrill.
Weird thing about Europe, they have female custodians and janitors that work and clean up the men's bathrooms as guys are in it. And men that clean up the women's bathrooms too.
It's all just like one song for them. So I was in there.
I finished my business. Actually, a thrill is you get off a long flight that first fart is a thrill that's a thrill so i get out of the bathroom stall and uh there was no more toilet paper after i i was done with it and i step out just as a guy steps in and he doesn't speak english and i tried to tell him that there was no toilet paper but he didn't listen to me because he didn't speak English.
And they just went in and closed the door.

And I wondered, like, how far do I need to

kick his door in like I'm Chuck Norris?

Yeah. In Walter

Walker, Texas Ranger. Liam had one more

that's passing a class you don't think you're going

to. Yeah.
Or dropping

out of school right before.

Right. And then getting a job on the

number one sports podcast. That's a thrill, Liam.
Watching a Steven Seagal movie. Also a thrill.
That's a thrill. Getting hit by a car.
Thrill. Thrill, Liam.
That is a thrill. Yeah.
Did you? That was not thrilling? I mean, surviving the car crash is a big time. Yeah.
Big time. Hitting that bump.
Well, let's just say surviving a foot injury is a big time thrill. Missing a speed bump.
Not slowing down. Missing a speed bump and not ruining your car.
That's a thrill. That is a thrill, right, Ankh? Yeah.
That's a big time thrill. Any other thrills? Thrill.
Any other thrills you got? Thrill ride. Cooking the perfect burger.
Thrill. Going up to get a snack at work like i'm gonna go and get a snack that's a thrill yeah yeah that is well yeah hank if you're longboarding up to it it probably is yeah you not dying on your longboard every single day that actually and i'm rooting for it that's a thrill yeah you guys are fucked up okay let's do some segments real quick to finish off the show it's always not like whenever I'm longboarding and I stumble, it's never like, oh, watch out.
It's like, oh, like excited. Oh, yeah.
No, I cheer. Yeah, yeah.
I'm like, oh, yeah, here we go. This is the time.
It's finally happening. I whip out my phone.
Okay, let's go with what do we have? Connect the dots. Connect the dots.
Bleacher Report. All right.
So is Jake. Does Jake have a mic? You can.
Can you can go over there, Jake. So we need to connect the dots.
Bleacher Report. Grab that one.
Tweeted a picture right after the U.S. women's team won the World Cup.
And it was. I don't.
I still don't really know what's going on. They tweeted one team.
It was like if Banksy painted a Where's Waldo book. It's one team.
It's all of the U.S. women's team.
Not even all of them, just the starters. Well, I think there were 15.
1, 2, 3, 4, bad radio, micro-francessa. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14.

Is there 15 on the roster?

No, there are much more than that.

And then just a swath of celebrities, various levels of celebrity, Will Ferrell, Oprah, Iron Man, Tom Cruise, the cast of Friends, the kid from Stranger Things.

Cast of Modern Family.

Kim Kardashian. Miley Cyrus.
Zac Efron, our good friend. Jay-Z.
Kobe. I don't even.
Kobe. Baker Mayfield.
When I think Women's Empowerment, I think Kobe Bryant. Kobe Bryant.
And yeah, so it all makes no sense whatsoever. I still, I would love to talk to the person who created this.
And at what were they like wait what am i doing well so they were walking a very fine line between irony and being serious to the point where you couldn't tell if they were being ironic with some of these choices because they're all just we were talking earlier like who was left off this list who would be funny to see on this list and i think hank or bubba saidba said Dwayne. Dwayne Chapman.
Yeah. Dwayne Johnson? Wait.
You talking about Dog? Yeah, Dog. Dog.
The bounty hunter. Beth.
R.I.P. And I think at that point.
Tom Brady did get snubbed, if we're being honest. I think if we see Dog the bounty hunter on there, we know that they're being ironic, right? Right.
But the fact that it just walked this very narrow line so perfectly. i have no idea what they were thinking i don't think they were being ironic i think everything on here who's the guy next to in between oprah and the friends cast who is that oh that's that's pulisic yeah yeah that's okay this is just like a where's waldo what the fuck is going is john ham in there, I feel like, has to be in every single picture.
Yeah.

Okay.

So, Jake, did you find any connections between these people at all?

So I asked the AWLs, and basically, no, we couldn't find anything.

Okay.

So you outsourced this.

So we had some working theories.

I thought it was initially every single celebrity that has tweeted the hashtag

U.S. Women's National.

Yeah, Iron Man is on there.

Yeah, Iron Man is on there, and you don't think he's got Twitter? Does not have Twitter. Okay.
Travis's. Yeah, I mean, it's on there.
Yeah, well, it's on there. And you guys got Twitter.
I have Twitter. OK, who is that? Who is the pink glasses? I don't know that one.
Graham Elliott. Chef Graham Elliott.
Sorry. Of course.
What? OK, so what did you find out? Anything? Nothing worth reporting. One thing I'm noticing here.
There are no Asians. Bleacher Report is, I guess, anti-Asian-American.
Okay. What else is common amongst them? None of them.
They used a picture of J. Cole from, like, 2012.
There are no cartoons. No cartoons.
That's got to mean something. Zach Ertz's hat is really stupid.
Yeah. scott's in there um weird that michael scott and travis scott the whole office cast didn't make it but the whole friends cast did that seems a little bizarre i also thought maybe they pulled each player and was like name your top four celebrities so the other idea that pft had which is great idea, we're going to do Joe Linardi first in for first or last out for the Bracketology.
So who were the first four that you think like were the centerpiece of this collage? Oh, I was going to say the first last in last. Yeah, the last four in last four out.
Yeah. Yeah.
So the last four in that I had, I actually had Jay-Z in my last four in because I think they put Beyonce in there. And then at the end, they were like, oh, we need to add Jay-Z next to Beyonce.
Okay. I don't think that they were packaged still to begin with.
Okay. Kobe.
I think Kobe was probably one of the last four in. I think, let's see.
Is that Angelina Jolie in the top right? But it's like she was the last she was the last four i had her too yeah she was they had brad pitt they didn't want to be like oh shit yeah i think they did some of these couples mix and match last four in all right so so anyone else for last four in i think that's kind of who's the guy in between jay-z and the other guy yeah that's gotta be a soccer player. That has to be a soccer player.
Okay, so the four that we think should have made the cut that didn't make the cut. Brady.
Brady, probably. Yeah, Brady is probably there.
Hulk Hogan. Hulk Hogan, definitely.
Or The Rock. The Rock, absolutely.
It was on mine. The Rock, absolutely.
Kevin Hart, Leo. Everything else.
Leo. Guy Fieri.
Oh, Guy Fieri should have been on there. Should have leo guy fieri guy guy fieri should have been on there massive massive oversight absolutely should have been on there um this is the dumbest thing i've ever looked at there are no rock stars on here yeah kid rock should have been on there kid rock absolutely 100 should have been on there this is really the dumbest thing i've ever seen i police report dragon from imagine dragons or the dragon from He's actually on there if you imagine him.
Yeah, that's true. There you go.
All right. So, yeah, good job Bleacher Report.
You got us to talk about you. This is all-time weirdest tweet.
There's a reason that they're back-to-back takey award winners for who did this fam cry-face, cry-face social media account. I love it.
I love it. This is America.
It's just a bunch of celebrities that have no connection. Someone's crack the case here and be like they all have this in common and then we'll be like oh okay well that makes sense but they deleted it so they don't even want to stand wait captain captain marvel's on here too they i think she was probably one of the last four in yeah probably yeah but she's in the center jennifer aniston from a long time ago is in there yeah also the brad pitt thing though yeah.
And the Friends cast. She's a double.
Yeah. Who is between Jennifer Lawrence and Michael Scott? This is the worst radio ever.
I don't recognize that. The Stranger Things kid.
AOC? Yeah. That's not AOC.
Alex O'Connell has much shorter hair than that. That's Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
She probably should have been in there. Notorious RBG.
She should have been in there. Yeah, absolutely.
Nancy Pelosi doing the little clap thing that solved all the world's problems yeah all right let's move on this is I don't know what to make of this well if you haven't seen it everyone's seen it it's ridiculous uh all right last two segments way to stay relevant baseball the Reds wore jerseys without sleeves on them yeah there you go good job baseball it was pretty sick to talk about you actually it was one of those things that we're I'm pretty confident that Yasiel Puig just suggested it because he looked by far the best out of everybody with no sleeves. Yes.
And then everyone was like, yeah, yeah, sure. I guess we'll do that for you, Yasiel.
It looked like a professional softball team. I love it.
Yeah. They should have gone shorts.
The old White Sox uniforms. There was one dude that had tattoos, which kind of looked cool going sleeveless, but Yasiel was like your friend with a Jeep who was like's like hey let's go off-roading all of us with all our cars he looked like hey man i drive a

corolla um yeah he looked awesome he looked like a softball team i wish they had gone all the way

and done the shorts like the white socks old uniforms i mean it's the remember oh remember

the um when the mariners did this too they did the sleeveless future uniforms in like the 90s

they did what uniforms are going to look like in like 2019,

like 20 years ahead.

And it was like,

Thank you. this too they did the sleeveless future uniforms in like the 90s they did what uniforms are going to look like in like 2019 like 20 years ahead and it's like they're not going to change at all but they're like all silver with that triangle in the middle yeah look like aliens yes yeah they're like man the future is going to be crazy well actually not really we just we're we just have a stranger problem so we discuss um all right last up we have monday reading a little different monday reading this week that'd be wild like you're talking to somebody 10 years ago and you're like what's the future gonna be like they're talking about like having conversations with aliens building all the scientifically crazy rocket ships and you're like well we have measles again yeah and everyone's got a podcast yeah we that's really all we kind of went back in time and now you have more opinions to deal with yeah oh and also stds are resistant to all the forms of penicillin that we have uh okay so monday reading we do something a little different uh jared lorenzen passed away last week and he was a friend of the show friend of a personal friend of mine hank as well uh we spent a lot of time with him in indianapolis for the 2015 final four also other times in kentucky so i want to do a quick monday reading of some jared lorenzen stuff because he was an exceptional guy and i think he touched a lot of people so i'm gonna throw a couple stats out there for you ready for this jared who was he for people that didn't know like if they didn't know who he was beforehand legend he was a legend the hefty lefty yeah the hefty lefty so he was a kentucky he i think he still holds a bunch of records for a kentucky quarterback um kentucky quarterback if you watched him play you will forever remember him because he was 260 pounds plus playing quarterback and trucking guys and throwing lasers everywhere he had a cannon i remember watching him in college and uh I had no idea where this guy was coming from.
I was just seeing like the stat lines that would do. They would go across the bottom crawl on the ESPN ticker thing.
And the first time I tuned in to see this guy was throwing for like 450, 500 yards a game. I was like, this is fucking incredible.
Insane. Insane.
And he won. He went to the pros, played in the pros for a couple of years, won years uh won a super bowl with the giants actually people credit him for being a big part of the helmet catch because he did a drill in practice with eli all season long where he basically tried to take the ball from eli and got him ready for that kind of action um so and then he went on to you know he did radio stuff he had actually a great t-shirt company called throw

boy tees where if you buy a t-shirt all of the money still goes to jared and his family uh so you should you should go buy right now if you want to buy a t-shirt uh from jared's company throw boy tees but i wanted to do a quick monday reading yeah of a couple uh stats that jared has in a story so in his senior year jared lorenzen threw 45 touchdowns and ran for 15 more 15 and 0 high school high school won the state title uh for kentucky and they scored 801 points in 15 games that's insane um he went on to i think he still holds the record for passing yards at kentucky i think he's like up there all-time sec quarterback as well and again this guy jared was like he did not he looked like an offensive lineman he was recruited to play offensive and defensive line at different places he wanted to play quarterback and so there was this other story that uh i was reading when when uh they had this like whole espn story a few years back and it said so i'm gonna read from it real quick uh he threw for 10 10 354 yards kentucky career record and seventh on the sec's career list in practice he dropped to one knee at midfield and throw at the goal post until he hit the crossbar. Mummy, his coach, Hal Mummy, his freshman year, remembers holding a camp in Lexington for some of the top college quarterbacks in the country.
He put a radar gun on them and most threw 52 to 54 miles per hour. Decent NFL speed.
Lorenzen stopped by between classes in an Oxford button-down and penny loafers, and he warmed up a little and let one fly it was clocked at 64 miles an hour this guy Jared was like the classic case of he should not have been playing the position he played but he made it so so much fun to watch and so effortless even Hank when we did that video in Indianapolis we did like a throwing a football into a net he He just whipped it, whipped it out of nowhere and it was just incredible to watch and i think he's like well i know it's a cliche to say but he's one of those guys that uh he was a great football player and even better person because everyone you talk to is like jared lorenzen one of the nicest guys you've ever met so um i don't know i i guess we just end there it it sucks it sucks sucks sucks but uh i thought it would be uh worthwhile to at least mention that because i know a lot of people watched him interact with us and watched him on barstool videos and we're gonna miss him and uh again go buy a t-shirt throw boy tees he's got a couple kids so hopefully uh some of that money can go to their education going forward. Yeah.
Love you guys. I'll be gone.

But after all, see. We'll be right back.
Take on me Take me up I'll become

Rectal T

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